#and i cant take sides here its impossible they Need to talk but ones so angry i idk whay she'll do (not violence or anythjng but. worse?) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lonigiri · 11 months ago

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warnings: big dick!gyubxfem!reader. porn with very little plot, bewbs, reader is kinda a slut but like in a good way, use of slut, dumbification, gyuvin is lowk whipped, oral (f rec), fingering, gyub is a cutie, making out, begging, creampie, no protection (wrap it up babes🙏) use of pet names (gyuv, dollface, doll, pretty girl, sweet girl), gyuvin acts all tough but hes a sweetie at heart, gyuv is estimated to be abt 10" in here but its not officially stated

notes: hes so fine guys i cant do this anymore (yes i can and i will continue) (not proofread) also this is kinda a 100 follower special thing, tysm dollfaces i love all of you bbs 🩷

sure you were teasing him. wearing that tiny bikini around his friends. you knew he liked you but you didnt care. you saw it as almost an opportunity to get what you wanted. he knew it, he knew you were teasing him on purpose. but that still didnt make it right in his head. whenever he'd try to calm himself down, you'd do something else to make him impossibly harder then he already was. his eyes trained on you, watching the way your tits bounced whenever you would take a step, them practically pooling out of the tiny bikini top. you were flirting with his friends. that was his last straw. putting your hand on ricky's shoulder, pressing your top half against him, and ricky obviously wasnt complaining. gyuvin basically pulled you away from ricky telling his friend that he had to talk to you about something.

gyuvin pulled you into the house and into a spare bedroom closing the door. "gyuv! i was talking to ricky!" you pouted at the man that just stared at you like you were mearly insane. he stepped closer to you, you backing up, eventually hitting the door that was closed behind you. you let out a tiny yelp when gyuvin slammed his hands on the door behind you on either side of your face. "what is it with you and flirting with all of my friends?" gyuvin asked lowly. "you dont own me you know, just because you like me doesnt mean that i like you back." you stuck your tounge out at him. that was the thing, you did like him back. god you liked him so much that whenever you were touching yourself you thought of him. the only reason why you flirted with his brain-dead friends was for him to make a move, and he was. finally. "okay well if you dont like me then go get fucked by ricky, looked like you really wanted it back there." gyuvin was about to grab the door knob to let you out "wait!" you squeaked, you grabbed his hand and he just looked at you, "yes?" he was going to make you tell him what you wanted. "if you want something you're gonna have to use your words, come on, i know you can use that pretty mouth of yours, you run it all the time."

"kiss me please, touch me, need you." you looked up at him, your eyes fixating on his, his pupils dialating. he just nodded and moved his hands, one on your face and the other on your waist as he kissed you deep. you obviously returning the kiss. you biting at his lips, his tongue entering your mouth, deepening the kiss. you moaned into the kiss when gyuvins touch went from your waist upto your chest, lightly circling the hard buds.

"gyuv, please, need you." you had no clue what you were begging for, but you just knew you wanted more. he chuckled lowley, "do you even understand what you're begging for? you just wanna be stretched out on my cock like a little slut huh?" you mewled at his words. just nodding dumbly, "yes, yes please, need it!" just like that you were picked up and thrown onto the bed. he practically tore off your bikini. pulling your legs around his head, nipping at the insides of your thighs. "gonna have to stretch you out before you get my cock sweet girl. i dont think you'll be able to handle me without prep." you just whimpered out. "gyuv please, need you to touch me now." he obviously obliged. he couldnt not give his sweet girl what she wanted, or so desperately needed. his tongue lapped at your folds, soaking in all the wetness. just the act of him doing that made you abrupt in the loudest moan. your hips bucking at his face. "fuck doll, how long has it been since you've been touched." his long fingers tracing your pussy, one of them stuffing you full. you stifled down a moan, not wanting to sound so desperate. "god do i already have you dumb? i've barely even touched you. im starting to believe you've never been touched here before." you werent a virgin. i mean sure, every man you've been with have never engaged in foreplay or lasted more then 5 minutes but thats besides the fact.

he thrusted his middle finger in and out of you before he stuffed his ring finger inside of you. scissoring them, you've probably never felt this immense amount of pleasure in your life. you're back was arching off the bed so prettily. gyuvin swore he could've came in his pants just watching you. instead of said cumming in his pants he decided to use his tongue on your sensitive bud. that sent you into overdrive. "f.fuck gyuvin! s' so close k, keep going please." you mewled out. he couldnt say no to you, he could never. you were spasaming around his fingers. he then pushed a third finger into you. curling his fingers up, hitting that gummy spongy place in your silky walls. "just like that gyu! fuck im gonna cum, please let me, im so close!" gyuvin didnt think he could physically get any harder, but there his body is, proving him wrong. "of course dollface, cum for me sweet girl." and just like that at the drop of a hat you did. releasing at his words, your back arching and your fingers digging into the sheets. your moans like drugs to him. he pulled his fingers out of you and licked up all your cum, loving the taste of you, you tasted so good he couldnt help himself.

he crawled upto you, leaving kisses and marks all over your body wherever he could get his lips. he kissed your lips chastely. he pulled off his swim trunks, his fat cock slapping against his abdomen. his fat tip angry. his dick was so pretty, and big. god he was big, this was just registering in your brain. "g..gyuv, will it fit?" you mustered out. "it will dollface, we'll make it fit, alright sweet girl?" he cooed, carressing your face. he grabbed the base of his cock and ran his fat tip through your folds. you let out tiny whimpers. his tip centered at your hole and he pushed himself in. the stretch was crazy, even if he had prepped you for an hour straight you wouldnt have been ready for him. he was so thick and long, god you felt like he was pushing himself in you for a lifetime. and it hurt, god it hurt, but the pleasure was so much greater. the feeling of him stretching out your walls was so amazing. your nails digging into his biceps as he finally bottomed out. his tip digging into your uterus. he placed his hand over your abdomen where you could see his tip bulging through. "god, you feel so nice, wrapped around me so tight. i told you i could fit sweet girl." you were already so dumb. only muttering out slurs of words and his name.

his hips started moving slowly sure he wanted to fuck you dumb, but he didnt want to hurt you. not in a way that wasnt pleasurable at least. him lightly fucking into you. god it felt so good. "gyuv, please, need more. please faster." he couldnt not oblige to your pleads. you sounded so pretty, of course he gave you what you wanted. his hips snapping into you faster then before, a lot faster. you were squeezing around him so well he could barely hold on. "fuck baby, you're squeezing me so well. its like you want me to fill you up. huh is that what you want, for me to make you full of my cum? for me to fuck it so deep into you that you're full of my kids huh?" all you could do is dumbly nod and let out the most lewd moans. "yes yes need it so bad gyuv! need you to fill me up." you didnt know what you were saying. you just wanted gyuvin for so long and now you finally have him, and whatever he said you agreed to. you were officially fucked dumb, and you didnt mind one bit.

his thrusts got harder and somehow deeper. his fingers were circling your clit. "fuck gyu, m' so close, keep, keep doing that please." you stifled out. your nails digging into his skin. he just nodded, his head drooping down into your shoulder peppering kisses on your skin. "fuck doll, you feel so good, so nice and warm, perfect for me." you whimpered at his words, how was this man so fucking hot ⁉️. your cunt fluttering around him. "god gyuv im gonna cum. so close." your right hand went upto his brown locks softly tugging at them. he just nodded in agreement. "me too sweet girl, cum with me huh, be a good girl for me." he dug his finger tips into your hips as his thrusts became sloppier. you let out a high moan as you came around his cock, cunt squeezing him nice and tight, he let out a string of swears before he came deep inside you.

letting his head fall into your neck. sucking hickies onto your collarbone his hot breath fanning the spots. you let go of his hair and softly brushed his locks instead of tugging it. you kissed the top of his head and you could feel the smile on your skin. "thank you." he muttered shyly. "whats you with being shy right now, you just fucked me stupid you know."

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please do not repost or translate. likes and reblogs are always appreciated!

#kpop #kpop smut #zb1 x reader smut #zb1 smut #zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #gyuvin x reader #gyuvin smut #gyuvin x reader smut #i want gyuvins dick so badly #i'd let him dick me down all day #svnnysidez createsఌ

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canaidliafail · 2 years ago

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stay grounded pt.5

[part 6]

streamer abby x streamer reader 🌿

so I wanted to write all of Abbys visit to “reader” in one episode but this one is already 5k words and its getting stupid long so..I split it in two parts 🥹

CW: alcohol,weed and sexual endeavours if you will. not proof read, will check later tonight for any mistakes

Minors get outta here

“You’ll love it when I give it to you, leave you wanting more ,Is it everything and more than you were hoping for ?”

_____________

ever since Abby sent you a screenshot of her flight you were on edge. You promised to pick her up from the airport which just meant that you would be there to take her to the bus stop. She did of course tease you for your lack of driver's license and motivation to get it but she did appreciate the gesture nevertheless. However you were scared. You had a bad dating history, an even worse situationship one and you didn’t even want to get into all the people you had to reject during your trips or the other way around. point being, you found yourself ready to light a candle and apologize for all your sins so that karma wouldn't bite you in the ass. Abby, gave you no reason to have that fear. Sure you didn’t text as much as you thought you would but the times that you did she seemed excited and she would occasionally send you screenshots of places she would like to see or would ask for advice on what clothes to bring. Overall, she was nice and seemed to grow closer if her joking manner and her more sarcastic side coming to the light was anything to go by.

you thought of asking

“you smoke weed?” to be ready but decided against it. You always had it anyways and if she were up for a round you’d just roll one on the spot. Abby wasn’t your only issue. This semester at your university was a constant, painful reminder that you were about to graduate with the difficulty level of all the assignments and projects. Now, you were a great student in practice but a terrible one in attendance. It was hard balancing work, mental breakdowns and college.

On your third fitting on the model your college provided you were ready to tear the fabric to shreds and start going off on everyone. You could understand why designers had a reputation for having a nasty attitude but if said designers were having their models switched every week, thus needing different measurements everytime you wouldn’t blame them.

“For fucks sake Im working on a line 44, why cant they just stick to the same model”

“Well this isn’t our graduation project so they are more relaxed”

“well I'm not and they shouldn’t be either” you argued with one poor classmate who dared to calm you down, oblivious to your temper that was impossible to tame.

this was why you refused to have models. In any case, your daily disapproval of your school's teaching system was something that didn’t bother you to that big of an extent. You disliked the way you acted though. You were snarky, impatient and took offense easier than usual and you couldn’t exactly understand why,so one late evening after fighting with everyone that knows you and doesn’t , you sat down on your couch and tried to find which unhealed version of you was getting triggered and why. Half an hour later you gave up and went to make a toast. Your friend group had 5 solid people. June, your most faithful cheerleader to every stupid decision you ever took and the one who also helped you go through with it, Cassie, the most blunt one who brought you back to reality, Rick, She was too sweet and too in love with her slow burn romance of 3 years and last, Olga.

She rarely appeared due to studying in a different city but when you needed someone to figure you out, she was the only one who could get you out of your head.

Most people had a friend like that. Someone that you talked to the least, yet knew you the best and perhaps, had the most intimate and platonic bond to ever exist. So that night, was a cry for help and luckily, Olga was in town and on her way to your place. She came ready, with a bottle of vodka on one hand and a fresh bag of tobacco on the other.

“Im listening”

she said sitting with her legs crossed on the floor across from you. she was about to burn sage and make a tarot spread if need be

“Alright listen so nothing happened but, I'm scared. I feel…weird. See this is a person that I've admired for so long and it’s only hitting me now that I’m about to meet her and its…it's scary actually”

Olga sat through it all and listened to you ramble for hours and pace all over the living room until you exhausted yourself and finally sat back down on the floor and started rolling a cigarette. You were stressed and out of nowhere your eyes were burning and you were crying and Olga was silent through it all. She grabbed you a new rolling paper and passed it over since the previous one got crumpled from your tears.

It took you an hour to completely calm down and then, she finally began to talk

“Listen it’s understandable that you feel that way, She was after all someone you admired for a while and well, it's not like you don't fool around with others but she was always in your mind”

You nod feeling the weighty clawed hands of depression wrap around your throat threatening another crying session that you had to fight back

“And between us, the last time you took anyone seriously it didn't go so well”

“It really fucking didnt” you agreed and she nod. You finished rolling the blunt and took a few puffs

“Alright now that that’s out of the way let's talk reality. Abby will visit you in a week. She is almost in every one of your streams and sure she posts with other women which in my opinion are just her friends,but she also constantly mentions you in her own streams”

You tried to protest and counter argue every reasonable point she made but she sushed you right a way with a glare

“Which has to mean something. Now I know your favorite hobby is downgrading every positive trait you have but Ill have to stop you”

“I really want this to work”

“And it will. Just be yourself,relax and smoke another blunt if you have to but trust me. It will work. It has worked so far and well, what are the odds of that in the first place?”

You smiled. A small smile but enough to show her that her point was understood. You rested your back against the front of your couch and checked your phone. There was a message there from Abby and you let the warmth and excitement that you felt imprint in your mind as a way to soothe your nerves till her arrival.

____________

“Just landed. Waiting for the luggage” you read the message over and over again and then looked up at the gate and saw the people walk out and look around for whoever was waiting for them. You tried to bite down the stupid grin on your face and tried your best to school your features in an unbothered-laid back expression to no avail. You were practically bouncing off the walls and scratching the curtains like a cat.

Abby was here,in your country,in your city a few walls apart. Literally.

You were ashamed to admit that you had practiced different ways to greet her and would constantly switch the position you sat in, not sure what energy you were trying to show. You were man spreading, and then you would cross your legs, and then you would stand up and lean against the bar tables from the cafeteria.

“Get it together” You whispered to yourself and just locked and unlocked your phone pretending to be busy.

One moment you were looking at an old video of you and June attempting a stunt and the other you were looking back up at the gate and the woman of your dreams was actually there. Walking and looking at her phone and then around until she spotted you.

She smiled, wide with teeth and wrinkles at the edge of her eyes and you waved her over. You half ran half walked over to her side and unexpectedly-for you- she hugged you.

“Hey!”

She smelled like pine soap and there was a lingering scent of the outside cold on her jacket. You wrapped your arms around her and felt her weight, her muscles and tried to connect with the very real image that she was right in front of you. She was tall and broad, and fuck so damn gorgeous. You pulled away at the same time and you couldn’t hold back returning the equally big smile that she gave you as her eyes darted all over your frame and face

“Wow hi,this is-“

“Crazy right? Can’t believe I’m actually here”

“Yeah! So how was your flight?” This was comfortable. She was comforting and just,so much easier to talk to than you initially expected. Her voice was lower up close and she wasn’t someone who talked loudly. She was expressive and,and,and

So many things you couldn’t stop noticing and observing about her in pure admiration. You feared that seeing her up close would give you a change of heart and you were so off base because if it did one thing, it was to confirm that you absolutely had a crush on this woman. It was a 40 minute ride till your apartment with the bus and once you reached your destination she visibly seemed to rest her shoulders and lean against the wall taking off her boots and beanie. You hated how attractive she was while doing the most mundane things

“You got a nice place. Can’t believe I’m finally witnessing what's behind the cameras of Cottons studio”

“Hah! If I didn't know you any better I’d say you’re making fun of me”

“I’m absolutely not” she teased and you helped her with her luggage

“So,normally when I have a guest they sleep with me in my room but I didn't know what you were comfortable with so I prepared the couch for you to sleep in as well”

“Ah I don't mind. Thanks”

She said and you assumed she would take the couch but to your horror and relief she left her bags in your bedroom. Which meant you two would share the same bed for the two weeks of her stay.

“Ugh,cool so ok” you looked around nervous and then slammed your hands together in a hollow clap.

“Alright so, let me show you my place first” she walked close behind you as you showed her how everything worked which made it difficult to even walk properly.

I should have trained my walk or something.

You thought in misery as you stood in the corridor showing her your crafting room. She stepped in around you to look at the clothes on the mannequins. You could’ve sworn that there were stars in her eyes when she know the full knight armor that you proudly displayed.

“Fuck I saw this on twitter but Damn you outdid yourself. All these details and”

“Its rococo architecture”

“I noticed.You add details like that to every piece you make. Oh right you also made a white dress that I really wanted to see up close”

“Oh that!” You chirped excited and walked over to the wardrobe on the other side of the room to find the piece. It was from your first year and it was the first clean work you did. The sewing was straight and not a line out of place. You showed it to her and then sat on the thought. That was a fairly old post. How far did she…

“Yeah that one. Its even prettier up close. Sorry I don’t know much about fabrics and all that but from the little that I know this looks amazing”

You were fiddling with your fingers and let her admire all your pieces occasionally adding some commentary about the construction or the inspiration. She showed genuine interest in this and you didn't know how to deal with someone this nice.

“I could make you one if you want” She stared at you wide eyed with a grin and lowered brows “You’d do all of that” she said and placed a hand on the shoulder piece of the knight armor “For me?” You shrugged and walked out of the room to grab your measuring tape that was in the kitchen aisle for unknown reasons. You stopped in front of your workshop's entrance and tried to reach up and see how big the breastplate would be for starters.A soft chuckle escaped her and your eyes shot up to look at her.

“Yes? Abigail?”

She gave you a crooked smile and licked her teeth “You are really short” You would have choked on your spit if your throat wasn't so dry. Was this her way of hitting on you?

“I think your judgement isn’t trustworthy since you are just unreasonably tall. My measuring tape won’t fit the whole of you”

She reached up and rested her hands against the door frame and leaned a little closer to you. Close enough to spike up your heart rate to a dangerous pace.

“Is that not to your liking?”

And in this moment, You hated every girlish bone in your body for smacking her lightly in the sternum and laughing all the way through that embarrassing gesture.

What.was.that.

“You are insufferable” she smiled and pushed herself away. That would sum up any notable moments in your first day with Abby. You did talk a bit and made a quick and general schedule of what you could do while she was here all the while she kept glancing around at your room and you decor while you rested on your couch

“You have a lot of stuff”

“Oh yeah empty spaces freak me out”

She nodded in contemplation

“I like it. My apartment has like, a lot less stuff”

You leaned on your arm and smiled,lazy and pleased with the atmosphere

“Why? Afraid Alice will make a mess?”

“No I know how to keep my pets well trained”

Your cheeks flushed and you reached on your coffee tables drawer to pull out your tobacco and roll a cigarette cause you were getting heated up out of nowhere and you were about to share a bed

“O-oh of course. Then…?”

“I don’t know, I just never bothered I guess? I have a lot of plants though. You’ll see, but yeah I just don't know what decor to go far”

Your mind paused mid sentence. -you will see-

Was that an invite ? You smiled and Lit your cigarette sitting back on the couch in awe of how well the first night went

___________

That night. You simply did not sleep. Your plan seemed genius a few hours ago, but Abby was happily resting in your bed while you played Valhalla,the wrath of the Druids DLC for the second time fighting to stay awake.

Abby Anderson,was sleeping in your bed. You smiled every time you remembered that and then you were ready to cry thinking of the possibility that this would be just a friendship. You texted your friends that had been blowing up your group chat since yesterday.

She is sleeping in my bed right now

Cassie: YOU HOOKED UP ??? GET IT GIRL

No, she is JUST sleeping. I’m up. In my living room playing valhalla

Couldn’t sleep like at all

june: why the fuck didnt you sleep in the same bed?!?!?! Out of all times NOW you remember to have shame ??

THATS NOT

SHIT SHE IS UP EVERYONE QUIET

june: PUSSYYYYYYYU

You tossed your phone on the couch and looked up at Abby in all her morning freshly woken up glory. You gasped quietly at the sight of her unbraided long hair. she wore gray sweatpants and a sleeveless top that showed off her biceps and the sunlight licked the curves of her arms in the most delightful way

“Good morning” you croaked and tried to clear your throat and repeated the greeting more smoothly. she chuckled and sat next to you on the couch

“did you sleep at all?” you shook your head and paused the game

“sorry it got so interesting and then next thing I know birds are chirping” she shook her head and looked at the screen which gave you an opening to look at her

“Then please continue. Need to know who Im competing against for your attention”

you grinned and shook your head trying to ignore her move cause it was too early to handle this version of Abby.

“No, it's fine. Wanna get coffee? my treat”

“sure” she said and you grabbed your phone going to an app and browsing through the open cafes

“you want something for breakfast?”

she leaned against you and peaked at your phone looking through the stores. Your breathing slowed and you felt the hair on your arms raise at the contact that her chin made with your shoulder. You stayed still scared that if you moved she would have pulled away

“I wouldn’t be against that. What do you usually have?”

“W-well. Im european so, a cigarette with coffee”

she looked at you in shock and then broke down in laughter pulling away and getting up with you unconsciously leaning over the spot where she was seconds ago missing her touch already.

“Yeah I’ve seen that meme going around. So it really is a thing” you smiled at her

“mmmm you know me so well”

“Well I hope I do” she teased and went to the bathroom to fix herself up leaving you breathless and a nervous wreck. Did you miss something ? Because it seemed like she was heavily flirting with you and you only now realized how bold she could actually be.

_________

Rick: I Cant wait to meet herrrr <333333

June:I’m so happy you are having fun but if she doesn’t pass the vibe check I’m breaking her kneecaps

Relax! I promise she is really cool.

Olga: what time are we meeting up ?

11 at our usual spot. We will go in together

Abby was laying on your couch going through her phone waiting for you to tell her the plan for the night. She did touch on the fact that despite the influencer parties she was not familiar with the clubbing scene. Not like you seemed to be at least and while at first you insisted that you didn't have to go, she really insisted on doing otherwise. So now you were getting ready and once you were dressed you sat on your vanity and noticed from the mirror that she was watching you. You smiled

“Hey want me to do your makeup?”

She tensed and walked over to you and sat across your vanity on the bed,manspreading and leaning on her elbows which unconsciously made you squeeze your thighs shut and you could feel the tip of your ears burn.

“I’d like that. But ugh,nothing too heavy?”

She asked and you chuckled going back to putting on eyeshadow

“Don’t worry sunshine. Ill do you right”

“Ooooh will you?”

You felt the hair on your arms raise and you looked back at her who had a nasty smirk full of innuendos and you cocked a brow deciding to take on the challenge

“You have no idea”

And that was the first time you saw her get flustered in the most subtle of ways. Reaching around her neck to rub her nape and not looking at you the moment you saw a dust of pink on her nose and cheeks. This was your first little victory.

You were done with your makeup soon enough considering you had a standard go to makeup that you just knew complimented your features the best and then you turned around to start attending to her.

You grabbed a base, a mascara and your eyeliner pomade and stood up to tower over her while doing her makeup.

“Alright relax big girl, I’m not going to hurt you” you said teasingly when you saw how stressfully shut she had her eyes and she breathed out letting a laugh escape and releasing the tension

“Sorry. Not used to this happening”

“That makes me feel so fucking special” she chuckled and then tried to stop when she felt move on your hands starting to do their work.

“You have beautiful features, you know. Bet you’ve been on many MUAs eyes”

“Stop,you’re just flattering me now”

“Absolutely not. I hate doing peoples makeup and yet I wanna do yours”

You tried applying very little foundation, loving the map of constellations the freckles on her face formed and had a desire to accentuate them more by working around them.

Without realizing you moved closer to her standing between her spread thighs, your naked knee grazing her jeans. She carefully moved a hand behind it and gently held your leg which you tried not to think too much about. That was until you felt her thumb brush against the tender flesh of your skin. Slow and subtle and so careful, almost like a wolf trying to lure in a deer. You kept working with her face and when it came to doing her eyeliner you had to be steadier. So you moved closer, balancing your knee on the edge of the bed between her legs, her hand following the movement all the way through until her palm was now resting just a few inches below your ass given that now the only empty space was your thigh.

You were shaking

“Sorry Ill have to hold your face so that I don't mess up”

“Yeah go ahead”

She said a little more rattled than you expected her to sound and you held her cheek while drawing a thin,small brown line. You finished up with the mascara and had to resist testing your luck by suggesting lipstick.

“There. Done”

She opened her eyes and you stared at each other with your lips parted for a few minutes as the realization of your proximity hit. You pulled away first and motioned her over to your mirror which she had to heavily bend over to look at her reflection and she smiled

“Oh wow yeah, You are good. Never thought I’d see myself like that”

Your hands were shaking and you were starting to get anxious. Badly. Your mind wandered off to the fear that you just missed a very good opportunity and you seriously needed weed or a drink

“Alright we are ready to get going then”

Abby hit it off with your friends right away. Not that you ever had doubts but you could never be too sure. Rick, the sweetheart, was obviously just incredibly happy to see you with “the buff mommy of your dreams” as she whispered to you before you walked into the club which earned her a slap on the arm to hush her. The night was going well, save for the first hour of awkwardness before the shots started coming in and the good songs were being put on. You danced and when your favorite song came you and June grabbed each other by the arms and screamed the lyrics at the top of your lungs. You were so lost in the moment that you completely forgot how you looked and when you turned around to check on Abby there was nothing but awe in her face. No hint of disgust or discomfort or second hand embarrassment as you feared you would find. No, if anything she seemed to love whatever was unfolding before her eyes and she leaned back to sit on a stool and crossed her arms with a smirk looking smug. You walked over to her and too drunk to care propped your hands on her thigh and leaned in close to her ear

“Are you having fun?”

An arm reached out around you and rested on your lower back which gave you shivers. Your dress was backless and short which normally would make you feel cold but Abby's touch made it feel like it was hot summer night

“Oh yeah this is great. You are a good dancer”

You laughed drunk and high with music euphoria and held her arm you fingers pushing into the muscles in delight and tried to get her stand up

“Then dance with me”

Dragging her was pointless. Like a mountain Abby would not move and could not be swayed. But she did seem to enjoy your determined efforts to get her to do what you wanted so she indulged you while teasing your every move and reaching out to take a sip from her drink.

“You are so stubborn” You mumbled and she leaned in closer asking you to repeat the question the same moment that a girl bumped into you and in motion you fell on Abby. Gravity failed you both as her drink spilled all over your dress sparing her jeans and shirt which made you frown and groan in frustration.

The girl turned around to look at you in embarrassment and immediately held your hand

“I’m so sorry fuck let me help you clean up” she said frantic and your face softened immediately at her remorseful behavior. Your dress was most certainly ruined though. Abby stood up pushing her drink on the other side of the counter and held you by the waist glaring at the girl “Its fine we got this” She said, loud enough for the three of your to hear and moved you upstairs to the restroom.

“Alright now, paper towels” She said to herself and you leaned against the sink counter feeling your head buzz. The smell of chlorine made you dizzy and you had to kneel down and rest your head in the hollow of your crossed arms that were propped against your knees

“You good?” Abby asked and you looked up at her concerned expression

“Ah, I have such a good angle from here” Sober you weren't friends with drunk you. With every shot you took your filter evaporated and you were the type of drunk who got incredibly horny and flirty. The sight of the woman who was sculpted like a Greek statue accelerated those thoughts and those khaki pants sat so nicely and low on her crotch showing just a sliver of her black boxer briefs.

“Oh you are drunk as fuck” She said and kneeled before you holding your arms away from your chest to start cleaning the front of your dress.

“You leaned your head closer to her face and she looked you in the eyes with a playful scowl.

“Oh and you aren’t ?”

She shook her head with a smile and went back to wiping your top

“If I wasn’t I would not be able to do this with that much comfort” she admitted and you did only now notice that the area she was so carefully trying to clean was your chest. You smiled and held her hand to grab the tissue

“Let me do it myself then”

“Absolutely not”

“You fucking pervert”

“Oh you have no idea”

You both laughed and when you left the bathroom you were even closer than before. She still refused to dance much but with the help of your friends you did lift her spirits enough to at least not constantly be seated on a stool. That and she seemed incredibly intent on keeping hold of you one way or another putting quite a show when a more sensual song would play without ever getting too explicit. It drove you mad, this slow burn game of push and pull that lasted throughout the entire night and all the way home where you both crashed on the bed hardly in the mood to properly change or take off your makeup but you did have the decency to turn around when she changed and so did she. Not that it mattered since she decided to sleep in her sports bra and sweats and you wore an oversized t-shirt with your underwear only.In a way,there was a distant thought of you hoping that something more would have happened while at the same time you were incredibly satisfied with the turn of events

—————

Abby’s POV

Her head was spinning and not from vodka. All night she was fighting the urge to make you dry hump her thigh or thrust her hips against your ass in the most vile and sexual way possible.Hell she was close to doing so after the fifth shot of Smirnoff. She groaned and turned around in the bed now face to face with your sleeping frame. She was close enough to feel the small puffs of air on her exposed sternum. She herself was slowly dozing off and was ready to fall asleep until she felt you move closer and bury your face in her chest and tossed your leg over her thigh,keeping the other one snuggly between your own. Her senses were clouded and her head was a mess and she saw you open your eyes that were glossy and in the same daze as she was. You didn't say a word and neither did she. She felt your fingers first, circling her waist and nudge at the waistband of her sports bra, feeling the skin and dipping your fingers beneath it just enough to feel some more. Your eyes fell on her lips and she took the initiative to kiss you. That was the intent. But the gesture was a lot softer, barely grazing the surface. She looked at your eyes trying to find any sense of discomfort but you whined at the loss of contact and she kissed you a second time with more fervor,nibbling on your lower lip and pressing her tongue against it. You opened your mouth with a moan and she took her chance to dive deeper and switch positions with her now on top of you and your hands deep in her scalp holding her hair in fists as you reciprocated the gesture silently begging for more.

She pushed a thigh between your legs and you met her movement by grinding your hips against her chasing some sort of release.

“Abby” you whispered her name like a prayer and she pulled away from your bruised lips a string of saliva still connecting you both with the taste of your cherry lipgloss on her tongue.That soft needy voice may have been the most divine sound that had ever graced her ears. She gave you another kiss on the cheek and then on your jaw and went all the way down to your collar bones. She decided to linger on your neck a bit more nibbling at the tender skin just above your pulse,careful not to leave any unwanted marks. You called for her again and she pulled away and held your face in her hands and gave you another kiss. There were so many things she wished she had the energy to do that night, but there was an impending headache numbing her skull and she could see you struggle to stay sober and awake. You were both drunk and in need of sleep.

You pulled her closer and she rested her head on your chest listening to your heartbeat. Her arms slipped beneath your waist holding you tightly against her front and then she finally fell asleep

••••

here’s my ko-fi tip jar if you enjoy my work 🤍

#tlou2 #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x f!reader #Spotify

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ofallplaceswhythis · 8 months ago

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tcoptp thoughts pt.16

the black brothers angst better be healing

remus and tomny will be the death of me

every wolfstar fanfic needs to have sirius sleeping in remus' bed while james loos for him blissfully unaware

Yayy regulus and remus <33 [nevermind he got angry pretty fast]

Lol wtf is with remus and his fangirls random girls saying hi get that nick nelson thing out of my face this isnt heartstopper

REGULUS?! fucking prank wars gonna start between them now

Marlene its ok im on your side

remus getting chased by girls is his villain origin story

OMG REGULUS IS TRANS IN THIS?!?!

trish is like that random person in class who you think is just off-putting but they're actually really cool and just give you bits of information like a treat of friendship

i love their trio can they please hang out more?? please please ple-

remus and regulus are back <3

impossible improbable, sirius and nikolai would have loved each other istg there has to be one fanfic where they met

'i look for you in other people' remus ik you write poems but this is top tier poetry i cant believe someone actually wrote this

think this deserves a special point but mots putting disaster girl author notes seems fitting and creepy and now im scared

me making myself forget every wolfstar angst that ever happens is a form of self care otherwise i'll cry

............ just kill me at this point why dont you <33

brb guys smt got in my eye

.........holy fuck,,, never going to recover

is this some sort of "the prank" equivalent cause idk how i feel about that (can anything be worse than this?)

EFFIE YOU ARE THE GREATEST MOM IN EXISTENCE

'bite me, suspender stanley' im crying 💀💀

kinda dont like sirius rn and my mind is viciously attacking me for it

ok so remus ran away and is now with tomny, amazing fantastic gl-

never have i felt more pain than i did rn

this is the weirdest take on the miscommunication trope ive seen

hi guys can you please sort the fuck out of your shit? thanks <3

...do the girls know somehow or they just guessed? wont be suprised either way tbh they can actually talk about their feelings

how the fuck is remus suprised that people can actually guess what he and sirius were doing its so obvious like asdfghjklzxcvbnm

please please please please please please please please stop

'im so fucking mental about you' asdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiop

'im not a poet' 'part-time then' THE TITLE'S HERE HGHGDHDSUI

SUNFLOWER FUCKING IN THE BATHROOM GSDGSDGSGFGRS

'youre like a dad to me' asdfghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnmabcdefghijk

TOMNY MEETING THE GUYS YES ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOP

K what happened with tomny and sirius cause im concerned that sirius will actually throttle/kill him.

#the cadence of part time poets #my thoughts #sirius black #remus lupin #regulus black #james potter #wolfstar #the marauders

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velvetvexations · 6 months ago

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i would love to know more about npd, i have suspected my mother has undiagnosed npd for years now. i'm not one to self diagnose at all or to diagnose people with surface level knowledge. i have been doing my research for ages, i am 99% sure she has npd. she is so abusive and awful, i thought all people with npd were like this ngl and now i feel bad because i have been reading ur blog and been looking at actually npd tags on here and trying to understand more. i know not all npd ppl are abusive but they can be. i feel bad even more cuz i think shes evil, and cuz i am sure she has npd i guess i associate everyone else with npd as evil. i'm trying not to now, i guess i was uneducated on the topic. it's hard when u have bad experiences with ppl with npd and bpd etc.

i guess the point of this is to thank you for sharing your thoughts & feelings and showing me a diff side to npd through ur blog.

also wondering if she can ever change. she will never accept she has npd i know that, she's only getting worse and i cant deal with it. i want to cut her off badly. should i? i guess im asking you because you are someone who has it and i just need to understand from someone who has it, i can read all the academic sources in the world but i think it helps to talk to someone real as well. sorry if this is too much or if its triggering, i really don't mean for it to be. i'm just so upset today because she's rehomed my cat and i can't take it anymore.

People with NPD can most definitely be abusive and you have nothing to feel bad about. Most people who obsessively hate narcissists are not even themselves actual victims of people with NPD. The fact that you so heavily suspect your abusive mother is but are still this open to learning more and empathizing is a beautiful thing.

Undiagnosed NPD is well and truly a bitch. If your mother does have NPD, she's certainly suffering on some level as well, but that doesn't excuse the way she treats you. Whether or not she can change is...difficult to say. I discovered I have NPD when I was a teenager and there were a lot of particular things about me and my life and my worldview that made me adapt exceptionally well to it. To go past middle-age with it being undiagnosed, that's very, very difficult. My own mother was an abusive narc and no matter how I tried it always felt impossible, literally, bleakly impossible, to get her to understand anything from my point of view or to treat me more fairly.

Ultimately, though, it doesn't really matter if she can or can't. You don't owe her that generosity. She's treating you awfully no matter the reason, and if you want to sever that relationship, do it. You don't need that in your life and it's her loss.

When my mother died, I was let down that I didn't get the chance to leave and tell her I never wanted to see her again like I'd looked forward to doing for years. I wasn't sad that she died but I was sad that I wasn't sad, that our relationship had gotten that bad. If I had left at your age I may still never wanted to see her again but would have at least had a much better opinion of her to look back on, because it only got exponentially worse as the years marched on. You aren't your mother's therapist. You come first.

#actually npd

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doggirlhen · 1 year ago

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i just finished spiritfarer, actually properly finished. its impossible for me to talk about this game purely subjective bc its so. close to me. and my lived experience. putting this big long thing under a keep reading, warnings for discussion of death and whatnot as thats the prominent theme of the game, and spoilers for the game probably

please excuse the messy, rambly writing, im very tired and very very emotional about this sad boat game and just need to get my thoughts about it down before i go crazy

impossible to not cry at the end. i bought this game around 2019 on my switch, fresh after two or three big familial deaths. picked it up here and there but could never get myself to the end, either being to busy or it being too much for me. i finally found some time now, after owning it on PC for a year or two, to sit down and let myself experience it.

this game treats the passing of loved ones with such respect and care and the grief that follows so beautifully. even the characters i didnt much care for i felt heavily about when it was their turn through the everdoor. it blends this grief with gameplay mechanics so well, and doesnt ever let you forget those close to you. almost every character either has a resource you can collect because of them, their spirit still there when you need more of it, or theyre the ones who had you build the crafting station to make materials and youre reminded of them when you step in the door. i found myself making sure i had everyones favorite foods stocked in my inventory well past their exit. and to really hammer it in, everyone gets their profile marked in the stars when theyre gone.

stella's job is to take care of people, but shes always felt like a vessel-type character to me, as ive had my dealings with the loss of loved ones and those around me and found it incredibly easy to wear her shoes.

moments that really stood out to me were atul not letting you take him through, you just find his flower on its own. so heavily touched me, a man whos only ever cared for you not letting you see his struggles because he knew thats all youd devote yourself too. stanley, letting the weird kid take it the only way a kid could, curious but scared but you were holding his hand. i cant even begin to talk about daria, shes new to me and i can only hope no one can relate to her story but feel for her just the same. gwen, god i could go on about gwen. all the characters feel so lively, so real, all dealing with whats ending them as best they can.

the one that got me the most, though, was astrid. my grandmother on my moms side passed in 2019, so already getting me with a grandmother character but astrids story and motivations remind me so much of her and one of her lines at the everdoor, "dont forget me or i'll haunt you" sounds exactly like somehting my grandmother would say. tears pouring out of my eyes only beat by the end of the game as a whole. such a beautiful story

and beautiful game, too. breaking from the sad stuff for a bit to say the art and music are so beautfully crafted and touching, every character design and choice of animal so perfectly selected. look at darias profile how can you not fall in love immediately. look at her :3

just. please play this game if you have any sort of feelings about grief and loss. its touched my heart several times in the years since 2016 after lots of familial death and covid. its a bunch of different games at once, largely a resource management and crafting game but the story is so well written and the visuals are beautiful and im soon to buy the soundtrack because i always need it with me

this game means so much to me and will forever be on my mind, one million thank yous and tears to thunder lotus games and everyone involved.

#barks #spiritfarer

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tumbleweeddesktop · 9 months ago

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WEH IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE THE REDESIGN IGNDJFBSJBFJDJF fun fact it started when i made him in a picrew way back and i got the idea to just go ham with his design XDD i dont know why it just happened

AND SINCE YOU DONT MIND MY PROJECTING I CAN SHARE SOME OTHER HEADCANONS I HAVE ABOIT HIM !! >:D

He's autistic as hell and possibly has adhd too, like you cant tell me this bastard is neurotypical

Hypermobility <3<3<3 he constantly puts himself in the weirdest positions and claims its comfortable. The downside is joint pain 💔

He actually doesn't take care of himself very well. Its better now that he's with Nanami but he used to be an absolute mess mentally and physically

Talks A LOT to whoever will listen, but he tends to stutter when hes excited or stressed. ALSO VOCAL STIMS. Hes pretty much never quiet even when not talking, constantly making random noises and humming to himself esp when hes bored

LOVES doing little crafts, those beaded bracelets he wears? He makes those himself, and actually had tons of them, but they often fall off or break in battle (these things never hold on that long i know from experience) so he constantly makes new ones. Also he def makes them for his friends too. Nanami has one he always wears but its usually hidden in his sleeve so Gojo doesnt mock him about it

ALSO LIKE YOU SAID WITH SEWING!! Ive actually been meaning to get into it myself and thats literally perfect for him... he def has an evergrowing army of little plushies he made himself <3

And adding to what you said about him making bread for Nanami, he overall likes baking and cooking. I saw other ppl saying Nanami is good at cooking too, so i feel like while he stays with more savory things, Haruta def specializes in sweets.

Sensory issues galore! Hes very sensitive to certain sounds and despises loud noises, so he often carries around headphones to shut himself off if needed

Okay this one is super self-indulgent but. Despite his luck and overconfidence he is Very prone to stress, which leads into stress eating, which leads into him being a bit on the chubby side..

LASTLY BC DAMNIT THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG. He is huge on PDA. Constantly holding Nanami's hand and hugging him and stealing kisses here and there. Nanami found this annoying at first, but now he just accepts it -w- oh and overall Haru is super clingy in private too like its impossible for Nanami to pull him off sometimes hes like a tick <//3

Okay thats it im going now bye sorry theres so much TwT

YES YES YES TO ALL OF THIS LMAOOOO

Wait can I respond with how Nanami interacts with your hc with Haruta??? Cs I have some ideas, well some doesn't relate to Nanami but SHSUSUSHSHHS

During a bad sensor day Nanami leaves him alone cs sometimes the presence of other people nerved him and can make it worse (im projecting but shuhshhhhhhhh)

Haruta definitely does some yoga after noticing his joint pains getting worse, and he's really into it because it slows his mind down and once he got good at the more complex positions he starts doing it randomly to relax himself

Their condo has like boxes of craft supply, like beads, fabrics and patches, embroidery supplies, and the end products as well just displayed on every surface possible. Some students that visit ended up wanting some of them and Haruta just gives them away.

His sewing venture is disastrous at first, but after a few lessons he got the basics down and starts making progress. The first good (in his standards) thing he made is a tie [Im actually projecting abt sewing cs im do sew but SHUSHSHSHSH]

Nanami "I'm-only-tolerating-your-touches" Kento when Haruta goes away on a prolonged mission :

MINE'S ALSO LONG LMAO BUT YEAH SOME OF MY THOUGHTS ABT ALL THIS LSJSHDJSJFHHSJAJ

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mithliya · 10 months ago

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You don't have to answer this obviously, its embarrassing but I feel like I don't know where else to ask - NSFW

I've always found penetration difficult. I feel like I'm broken as a woman because it feels like everyone around me is able to do it and enjoys it and I don't. I don't want to be graphic but I don't know what to do. I'm scared to go to a doctor in case they diagnose me with vaginismus. I don't know if I should even try to make it better or just leave it. I feel like I can't experience my body fully because I cant do this one thing. I know thats stupid but its what I think in my head. I can't use tampons, and sexual penetration is terrible. I can use my hand, but I can't feel anything. It just doesn't feel pleasurable and I can't go in very far. If I use a dildo, it hurts. Not every second, I go slow etc but I can't get much in. It feels painful at the side of my labia. No matter what direction or position it just hurts. I can almost feel a bone blocking it or something. I feel like I'm broken and a freak and I don't know what to do. I cant talk to my friends because they all talk about how they love penetration and I feel too ashamed of my situation. I'm scared I'll never be able to satisfy a partner even though I'm a lesbian because I see women on here and tiktok talking about strapons etc and I know it would hurt and be impossible to have sex like that. Even when I relax and am definitely ready to try penetration, it doesn't work. No matter what I do it always feels uncomfortable in some way. If it doesn't hurt, it feels like nothing. I'm afraid I do have vaginismus or something is really wrong with me. I've never allowed a partner to try. I've not had a long term relationship and I worry women will be really put off if penetration is something I can't partake in. Ive not had loads of dating experience so idk if this is even a reasonable worry to have. im so sorry this is all over the place. I totally understand if you cant answer. Ive tried googling stuff but i cant really find much.

sorry for taking a while to respond. first of all i dont see whats embarrassing about this?! you have not said anything here that i think is embarrassing.

i don't particularly enjoy penetration and ive come across MANYYYYY women who don't. particularly many lesbians. its ok if you don't enjoy penetration. it doesn't have to mean you have vaginismus either, although what you described might be that (potentially on top of you already naturally not being keen on penetration). that said, there is no shame in being diagnosed with vaginismus either. receiving such a diagnosis can help you understand your body better and if you do think you could potentially enjoy penetration then maybe a diagnosis would help open that door for you somehow. it might also end up that you don't have vaginismus. either way, there is no must or need in enjoying penetration. there's probably even straight women who don't like it! just because there's many women who do, does not mean there's something wrong with you for not enjoying it.

i don't use tampons either! im 26 and first time i tried to, i was 24 and ever since then ive used it maybe a grand total of 2-3 times? it feels uncomfortable and painful for me too. its ok, many women do not use tampons so you're really not missing out there. it isn't a requirement in female adulthood.

also penetration alone does not feel pleasureable to an even larger group of women! so once again, there is nothing abnormal about not feeling much when trying it on yourself and its not abnormal to not find it pleasurable. and i don't know how experienced you are sexually, but the other stuff you mentioned could also be because you're dealing with shame & fear & aren't aroused enough while trying penetration on yourself. and if your friends were to judge you for not enjoying penetration, then frankly they're the ones that are weird, not you!

and from my experience at least, women have not been put off by me saying i don't like certain things (like penetration) and prefer other acts. if you're not sexually compatible with a woman then that is fine, but no one can expect you to enjoy a particular sex act and then judge you when you don't.

i think before worrying yourself this much, you should first find a woman you are comfortable with and attracted to. you could tell her about your fears & insecurities before having sex-- it can help if you're going to engage with her sexually bc it takes off anxiety from you while also making her aware of how she should be mindful & gentle! if you end up trying things with penetration with her and it becomes clear to you that you simply do not like it or like it with certain limits & restrictions or love it or whatever else-- all of that is normal. but don't worry yourself this much over something so small & a normal preference like not liking penetration, its really not abnormal to not enjoy it. if you're sexually inexperienced and have barely even dated then i get why you're worrying yourself so much but i promise when you're sexually active then normal people do not care about that the way you might think they do. penetration isnt for everyone, it doesn't have to be something you want or enjoy either

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spikeinthepunch · 1 year ago

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i have no plans to talk about the Emotional side of this, but the many weeks i have spent with a neuropsych trying to pin down the specifics of my cognitive issues has certainly been interesting, and im gonna detail that below. its made me really realize that alongside my issues, that there is so little understanding in society about the extent of "learning disabilities". even everyone here, every person who sits with the ADHD and autism labels and knows its probably part of their learning issues- the fact that there is probably so much more to it than you can even realize. and most people wont ever have the knowledge of depth to see that, or the proof of tests to see that.

i deeply wish getting this kind of testing but its insanely expensive. like, way WAY expensive. and its super important to get a good doctor for this (any Californians, i would gladly name the guy i am seeing!) but its not accessible at all (this series of tests take like, 6+ weeks but more for me bc i am more than just Learning tests. i am on week 10), which is obviously the main problem. hardly anyone i know will be able to get with kind of depth on Why they struggle. i am in a very privileged position to get to do this. its not bad to sit with labels like ADHD, or just know about your diagnosis of Autism (your Autism wont go away with this. you still have it. you'll just see the specifics, the stems to your problems) is what makes you struggle. this isnt a means to shame people or to say you have to do this in order to get better or get help.

but for me and i assume others, i havent been able to get the right accommodations for anything. society will never try to understand anyone cognitive abilities further and they NEED to make this shit more availble. I tried many things but none of them worked for me, but i also dont know WHY they dont work for me. putting aside the emotional struggles i am also doing in these tests (there is Cognitive testing and Emotional testing- which also makes things more pricey), i have been really really wanting to learn. just Things. it is all i want but I cannot, and the future feels impossible due to that. I try so hard to learn but nothing happens. i want to code, i want to 3D model, i was to up my drawing game, etc etc- even if i went for my assumed "easy" choice (simply production in entertainment) i still struggle to keep it in my head. it always feel like laziness, to sit down at try and then it doesnt stick, and that just makes you feel worse. Still i'd go and learn 3D modelling consistently for a week, but quite literally the moment i looked away from the donut tutorial, i couldnt do it. genuinely everything was lost from my brain. id redo it, i would do the donut tutorial again, but then thats all i could do.

learning with coding is no different, but i try to try very hard because i feel like i know it all "in theory", i look at stuff and i kinda can see what it all means. but right now as i try to learn Narrat, i am very actively seeing how the results of these tests are spelling out the problem. i sit down and look at documents but i cannot take in the reading material, but i see images and i get it kind of so i try- i look at someone else's game for some help but i dont totally know it. but i ask for help in the discord a LOT because i cannot process the documents they hand me, i cannot peice together what the documents say in order to solve the error i got, and only kind of get it when i connect an image of the code to what im doing, but there arent many pictures of what i need step by step and i get stuck again.

so many little things-- things that i cant really add up to just being ADHD- at the very least no one knows how to accommodate to my specifics anyways so i never get it solved. the autism may explain some things but it doesnt explain it all. I can't count change even on my fingers, i cant add things up on paper and i forgot how to multiply and divide. i forget things when theyre not in front of me, nothing i read stays in my head, nor does anything i listen to. i may work fast, i may process movement and things presented surprisingly well, but those four things (math, memory, listening comp, reading comp) are key things to learning that are SO awful it explains every reason i have been this way. i take it in quick, but it goes away in the blink of an eye.

i dont have ADHD by the way- it was one of those labels slapped on for years because "well your memory is bad, and so is your attention, and you have a hard time learning". and i dont disagree exactly, if i hadnt done this i would have been going along w my life with that label and it would have been fine- aside from the fact none of the ADHD meds i have taken over the years have never work, of course. or the fact i still wouldnt really know how to learn things because i dont have accommodations that actually help me make progress. i think i would still be sitting around stuck, thinking i am just stupid and there is no way around it.

point is- there is a lot under the surface. there are a collection of things that explain parts of your cognitive function and they all work on their own. and because i know this now, i can get very specific help. i can properly understand why certain accommodations in the past didnt work, what will work, and what i can do to actually try and Learn Shit. going through years of utterly sucking at everything in school is awful, it really knocks you down. Especially when you want to learn, you feel like you are trying so hard.

for more recent years i have sat here just thinking i couldnt do anything. watching family make progress as they age and feeling unable to do that too feels like shit and i hate the idea of never being able to put anything out there. i am in a place where i can live just fine without any job really, but i dont want to do that? i dont want to do nothing- even if it weren't a job, why would i want to sit around doing the one think i know- draw- and never be able to do anything else? id like it as a job but even outside of that i just want to know things like anyone else.

the fact that i feel far more hopeful than ever before is really a nice feeling. for a while it was a kind of motivation that was more like fighting a brick wall to proceed because even though i wanted something to change, i had no idea how it could. this isnt a clear "ok go do A and B and youll learn!". this will still be a long time of build. it will be a process as it would be for anything with learning and i still get overwhelmed by the prospect too, its still terrifying because i still wonder if it will really work out. but goddamn i do not feel like these many weeks of testing have been a waste- i really do understand far more than ever. its kind of sad to see, to have gone for so long without help, but id rather know it now than to never know and to always feel helpless and stupid.

#good god long post in coming

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brad-bakshi-loves-bugs · 2 years ago

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oh my gosh, did you just say you roleplay in your room?? dude (gender neutral)!! that’s so smart. and also really cute..:)

you talked about having ADHD. i’ve been having some trouble lately and i was wondering what it looks like for you? just to get an idea wether i might need to check it out or not.

thank you, i think...? this is the strangest ask ive ever received but i think being called cute is a compliment LMAO so ty

so like. adhd looks different in everyone it affects, and i always recommend reaching out to a psychiatrist or even just your physician if you suspect you might have some Fucky Stuff going on with your brain! i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 10 which is pretty telling for how severe mine is because they dont usually diagnose afab kids that young LMAO but again. everyone is different!

HOWEVER i will start this off by saying that i also have severe bipolar 1, which has a lot of overlapping symptoms with adhd. im not a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a therapist (or any other -ist), and i couldnt tell you which of my Problems are adhd and which are bipolar. so here's your disclaimer to please not use me as the deciding factor for whether or not you have adhd! my adhd personally is life-altering and essentially ruined my childhood for various reasons, and it's still something i struggle with daily. not every case is so severe (most aren't, in fact), so take everything i say with a grain of salt!

but here's a list of things i attribute to my adhd, which is very far from a complete list, but it's what i can think of off the top of my head:

i HATE silence. whenever im doing anything i have to be playing music or listening to something or i cant focus at all, but it also cant be New Music or ill just get distracted and not be able to focus

on the flip side, i also cant fully concentrate if i have any sort of noise. so if im trying to have a serious conversation that requires my full attention, i have to turn off all music and essentially block my ears so that i can focus. no i dont know why but its SO FUCKING ANNOYING

i alternate between skipping every song halfway through because i get bored quicker than a song can finish or listening to the same song for 6 hours on loop and still wanting to listen to more of it. seriously, i listened to rockstar sea shanty by nickelback almost 400 times this year alone, and i only just discovered it in august

when i hyperfixate, i cannot do ANYTHING else or i get massively depressed and lose all motivation. i ended up in a psych ward back in october because the thought of doing my (easy and otherwise enjoyable) job made me self-harm because i was hyperfocused on watching a specific show and i couldnt do ANYTHING else. im a terrible employee

time management? not here! im late to EVERY SINGLE THING. i had an interview yesterday and i was late by 15 minutes. when i was working at petsmart, i can count on both hands the number of times i showed up to work on time in an ENTIRE YEAR. i have no idea why im like this and i hate it

i pace. a LOT. like, i spend several hours a day pacing. i literally just walk around my kitchen and living room and bedroom aimlessly. im like an npc, but instead of giving you helpful tips i just give you really shitty one liners and puns until you beat me to death

if im not pacing, im doing SOMETHING. whether im biting my nails, popping my knuckles, bouncing my leg, bobbing my head, anything. its physically impossible for me to sit still. like right now, im sitting at my desk typing on my keyboard, but im also shaking my legs violently and bobbing my head to the music im currently playing (it's hicktown by jason aldean. yeah, i enjoy country music. im a redneck sorry)

i SUCK at multitasking. like, even just listening to something and writing. or listening to someone and watching tv. or listening to two things at once. okay, so im starting to think im just really bad at listening. but STILL. my mom can work and watch tv at the same time, but if i try to do that i just end up watching tv and i cant get anything done. i absolutely cannot concentrate if two things are happening at once

i cant watch movies. i literally spend more time rewinding and playing back whatever i missed while i was checking my phone than i do actually watching the movie. im the same way with tv shows unless im hyperfixated on them, but at least theyre shorter so i can take more breaks

again, this is not a complete list. nor does this mean that if you check all of these boxes then you also have adhd, or that if you dont check them then you dont. i cannot stress enough that adhd affects every person differently. thats why its such a bitch to diagnose, and why the symptoms overlap with so many other illnesses and disorders.

i do hope that some of this helped! i have no issues with talking about my own mental problems because im a very firm believer that they should be destigmatized and more often talked about publicly, but i try to limit how often i bring up my own issues unless someone directly asks about them because i know not everyone wants to hear about them and that's fine too!

#not mq #asks answered #mental illness #<- thats the tag im gonna use in case i make any future posts exclusively about my own mental Problems so feel free to blacklist #also sorry for rambling so much. thats another classic adhd symptom LMAO #words cannot limit me #whoops!

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sweetheartsaku · 3 months ago

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SAKUUU CONGRATS ON 200 MY LOVE!! I say this to everybody, but I mean it more than any other time I've said it, you deserve every single one of those 200 and many, many more!! AAAAAH I'M SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!

you're such a genuine writer, and I could tell that the things you write are just so you, yk? 🙇🏻‍♀️ that's what makes you special over anyone and everything else!! from your short smau's to the tooth rotting sweetness of the headcanons you write, I've expressed my love for all of them because they're just so good?!?!?? AND because I could tell you're the one that wrote them and I mean that in the best way possible!! I feel like seeing the author through the pieces they write is such a genuine part of being a writer bc there's just something so real about it and idk how to explain it 😞😞 BUT WITH YOU AAAAAAH YOU'RE JUST THAT GREAT????

ANYWAY every time I see you interact with a follower or a moot by responding to their asks, just backs up my claim of you deserving the 200 and so much more ☝🏻 you're always so kind and sweet how could people NOT like you???? that's like impossible you guys c'mon now

you really are one of the best souls I've ever met on this planet and I could only hope that in my next life, or in another universe, if there is one, we know each other irl and we could spend every waking moment together</3 speaking of other lives, i really don't know what I could've done in my past life to deserve being friends with someone like you ☹️☹️ honestly I'd do anything and everything in the world just to return the kindness you've always treated me with ☹️

didn't mean to get too sappy there, woah LMAOZHAHAH BUT ANYWAY, I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU AND YOUR BLOG GROW EVEN MORE!!!! I'll be with you through every milestone, darling!! know that i love you soooo much, MWAH!!<33

FRANNNSSS FRANS FRANS FRANNSNSSNSN :((((((( UWEHHHHHHHHHHHH thankyu soososososoos much soulmate </3 you too 😭 deserve anything good thing ever imaginable😭YOI ARE SO SWEET I CNAT DO THSI

ackkk thank you frans!!!!!!!!! i do try to make my fics as genuine ands authentic as possible so seeing someone recognize that makes me feel all lovely inside D: !!!! AAAA mayb i should start writing more lil smaus habent done one of those in a while 🤔nd one of my first fics u found was my shu one... maybeHAHAHA!! AHHH why is the extremely popular crazy talented writer FRANS TALKING ERMMMMM how else do u rthink i found u 😓(UR AMAZING WRITING AND MOODBOARD DUHH) i will continue to do my best!!! and write!!!!!!! in the most REAL way ever done!!!!

ACKKKK YOURE TOO NICE MY SKIBIDI FRANS </3 im js being that version of me ykyk where i can be cringe and free and all of the above and im super hapi so many ppl like that side of me bc i feel so 😓 accepted!!😣.i lOVE U ALL SO MUCH GANG GANG

WHY TEH FREAK ARE. U TALKING RN FRANS. ur actually beyond the word best bc words cant describe how epic and cool and sweet u are😤i too, hope in every life, universe and everything in between that were out somewhere having the time of our lives!!!!!! YOU DONT NEED TO DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE PPL☹️ ESP ME.☹️ we are just girls in a world yk 😔✊we were js meant to be friends for real!!!NOW. I WOULD DO NYTHING TO BE ABLE TO SEND ALL UR LOVE BACK BC U DESERVE IT SO MUCH U SWEETHEART!!!!

its okkkk pookie to get sappy in here yk safe space 🥰💗I TOO AM EXCITED TO SEE WHERE LIFE AND THE TUMBLR ALGORITHM TAKE UOMG!!! WE'LL BE NEXT TO EACHOTHER THE ENTIRE TIME WOOOO!!!!!! thanku love, expect the same !!!!<33 I LOVE U SOOO MUCH

#★ 002. sakuz babbles #★ frans !!#my skibidi frans<33

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kpoptarotastrology009 · 5 months ago

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all anyones says its never too late but at some point it does become too late or fewer opportunities as we get older. it seems i have become so desenstised to modern day society that none of its interesting enough anymore.

i much wouldve preferred to have been of an older generation but no one seem to understand when i say there really nothing else someone my age can do and i dont want to be subjected to social media anymore but it seems every other person and their granny is an internet star of some type. im just quite over it. it seems harder to genuinely make connections last as well, again either ive been doing it wrong or i dont know what i can do anymore? either i have to care deeply abt it enough to want to do it which i dont know what i truly care about anymore. even digitalised entertainment is also taking a lot of fun and simplicity out of entertainment so i also dont know what im interested in. i feel like im just a useless blob that has no real skills since i cant go back in time and makeup for the situations i had to put up with. whats weird is these weird situations have also happened even as an adult. so no one else really gets what i mean bc they havent experienced anything like it themselves. the other part of me also feels older due to not really fitting in anywhere so i might as well have been from an older generation cause mine has sucked.

Maybe I don't know you but what you said really touched me and I got you're feeling like I'm feeling it right now , I can feel energies and I felt yours after reading this , please if you need someone to talk too about this situation I will be happy to hear you you can send me a message if you want too and you're comfortable with that I will try to help you as much as I can , but what I can tell you here is that you shouldn't stop believing in yourself. Never . Nothing matters not age not the generation not anything , you are the only person that matter , believe in yourself because of what you said I literally can't see that you don't believe in yourself because the moment you do everything will change you will see life in an other perspective , nothing is too late when you are still on this earth , nothing is impossible , when you put your heart , you're feeling and you work for it no matter you're age is you will achieve it , see the light in you , in every person there is a light , some people find that light in them and use it to shine and that's how they achieve anything they want , the moment you find the light within you and you work on it , nothing will stop you from being the best version of yourself ...

I don't know if my words may help but I'm always there for anyone who wants to talk about anything and I will do what I can do to help you , I'm sending you all the love whenever you're right now and whatever you're doing , please have a nice day and don't focus on the negative side always focus on the positive side of things , you only live once so live it with happiness ♥️♥️♥️

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marcusoseman99 · 8 months ago

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song of the isle pt.13

Vick: No hello...... it’s been months Apollo and this is Stefán he isn’t dangerous.

Apollo: I know who he is and he is dangerous...... just not right now.

Stefán: I told you that I need to use the circle.

Apollo: That is power no one should have and the price is always too high.

Vick: What are you two talking about.

Stefán: do not listen to him we can have our new life if we get him to take us to the circle.

Apollo: Vick please listen to me..... what he is talking about is dangerous and he is the one that did this to me.

Stefán: But if you let me use the circle then I can be no danger to anyone again..... let me be rid of this.

Apollo: Don’t take me for a fool I know your curse you must give back what you have stolen then you will be free.

Stefán: NO. NO I earn that I deserve it..... the gods should have pay me what I was owed.

Apollo: Then you will never be freed this is a prison of your own choosing.

*The dwarf falls to the ground and as he does flames engulfs him shooting into the sky*

Vick: STEFAN!

Apollo: VICK GET THE FUCK OUTTA OF HERE...... ill deal with this mess like fucking usual.

Vick: NO WAY WE CAN STILL HELP HIM.

Apollo: WE CAN’T HELP HIM.

*Vick runs to Apollo’s side grabbing onto his left arm*

Vick: There has to be a way to save him there must be.

Apollo: The only way he is being saved is by letting go of the gold he took it’s what is cursing him.

*When the flames dissipate Stefán is gone the only thing left is scorched grass*

Vick: Where did he go?

Apollo: Look up.

*Vick looks up where he sees a long and slender line bending and contorting its shape going through the clouds, it only becomes clear as the shape breaths out green fire showing the body black body of scales and four legs with large black claws that are so large, they could easily be mistaken for sickles

Vick looks back down and makes eye contact with Apollo his hand still griping onto Apollo’s arm Vick’s eyes are filled with fear and confusion and Apollo’s eyes are wide open his calm look replaced with intensity and a slight slither of fear*

Apollo: Vick.

Vick: Yes?

Apollo: We are going to run into the forest and I’ll get us to safety.

Vick: No he’ll get us.

*Vick starts to breath heavily*

Apollo: VICK!

*Vick’s breathing becomes pants and gasps that are completely incoherent Apollos words unable to reach him, all noises, sights, and smells are blocked out.

Apollo takes Vicks hand as the serpent darts down from the sky exhaling green fire toward the pair, Vick gets brought back by his arm being pulled in the direction of the forest.

Apollo leads Vick into the forest only running for a couple of seconds into the safety of the trees before stopping then grabs Vicks shoulders shaking him till, they make eye contact. *

Apollo: Stay here I have a way to stop him.

Vick: How the fuck are you meant to stop that......it’s impossible.

Apollo: And I don’t have a choice....... I CANT let him near my base or the people in the surrounding area.

Vick: Then how can I help?

#comics #gay #horror #lgbtqia #mythology and folklore #original character #script #webcomic #lgbtq #songs of the isle

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rainbowgod666 · 1 year ago

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TLDR of the talking points because nobody reported mr "i have ace in my name so you cant say shit lmao" yet.

...im gonna have to bust out the LazerPig voice am I?

When country A is attacked by country B, its impossible to presume that country A can just "turn off" country B. Even with massive psyops and hidden agents nothing short of the fucking SCP foundation could do that and NOT be found. Any little voice regarding this, as insignificant as it could be, would get silenced immediately. And before you know, country A, if it did this, would be sanctioned to oblivion and forced to sign every single agreement under the sun. The only reason this didnt happen with israel is because the average american voter (up until late 2021) had no idea of the existence of any other book outside of the bible

"Attack" is a strong word. From what little I gathered, hamas sent a diplomat to talk with his israeli equivalent, the same israeli diplomat that had a really bad morning up until then, and because of zionism hes Fucking Ready. So when the hamas representative is like "we wish for peace, and if it cant be done, we are ready for battle" the israeli diplomat became a fucking Super Zionist or some shit and before we could notice it; a few hundred palestinians were already dead. Hamas technically did the first move but for all we know it was trying to defend a palestinian woman from the IDF not Defending shit and instead being offensive. In more ways than one

EEEEEEEEEEHHHHH not at all actually. See, the entire point of this whole "israel/palestine" thing is that britain needed soldiers to finisce off the ottoman empire (dont ask. History is like that) and after WWII zionists used the holocaust as an excuse for colonization. This entire thing then got worsened by america, specifically the conservatives and their only voter base of evangelist reactionary 50+yo christians that are DEFINETIVELY ready to Horus Heresy themselves (even though they COULD take the Martin luther way of "bigass list of why × sucks" and set the × to "treating non-white non-male believers as people"), and the fact that israel is in middle east. Smile for the camera mr bush!

No. They didnt. If even HALF the reports of how they were treated are right, it means that hamas (who are supposedly terrorists) (and they arent) had the decency to treat anybody they kidnapped according to POW rules, aka medicines food and effectively nothing other than "detention". If youre gonna pull the "oh but theyre human shields!" Card on my ass then i have a big funny here. ⅔s of all israeli victims in the oct. 7 incident were basically human shields themselves, some were IDF soldiers who were shot by their fellow men, possibly volountarily, to effectively make hamas worse than it actually is. And if i read the image correctly, its possible that those "hostages" genuinely ran to HAMAS instead of the IDF. Its like (and i excuse myself if this sounds insensitive towards someone) being a cop stuck in a gang war and siding with the gang. If you think about the "stockholm syndrome was invented by a cop to justify a girl NOT doing what he said and instead aiding the criminal" post this makes you question: what the fuck is israel doing then? A genocide. That only the zionist government wants.

Read. The. Image. You are behaving like "you are getting psyopped, PSYOPPED I SAY!" Like- dont you hear the cognitive dissonace in your words? If the data is accurate (and it is to a somewhat terrifying degree) you are implying that palestine (a country whose water sources are 95% poisoned) (by israel) is capable- AND HAS THE MONEY- to conduct an actual psyop. Think about it, doesnt it sound even REMOTELY WEIRD that you think "this is all fake" when you hear stories about people thanking god that their loved ones died in a single piece? Why does hamas have so many tunnels? At least ONE of them had to be a normal maintenance tunnel (and according to a post i saw one time, it WAS. The IDF points to a "schedule for hamas soldiers" and the girl looking at the video says "thats a fucking calendar". How the fuck would THAT not be a psyop, considering its baseline is "the West doesnt know any other language outside of english", while a woman not washing her bloodied hands [in a place where WASHING YOUR HANDS HAS CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE] because the blood is all thats left of her son- is grounds for asking"you sure this is real?") (Seriously dude, what the fuck is wrong with you)

Yeah. But they were from PALESTINE. See, israel (in the way we think about it)... uuuh... doesnt really "exist" in an actual sense. Its more complicated than my brain can say without referencing every single piece of entertainment i have ever consumed in my life up until now, but basically the entire thing being reduced to a "war of religion" is some Bush-Era bullshit that SPECIFICALLY helps zionists. And honestly its KINDA suspicious that we have proofs and records that up until 1948 the land was called palestine and now its called israel. See, this is colonialism. And religion is used to excuse arming the offensive force because islamophobia is a thing. Even though im pretty sure the average palestinian is at least BORN into judaism and jewish practices, things that are extremely complex because its not religion but palestinian culture

As i wrote before (making this the shortes point in this list) Zionists used the holocaust AS AN EXCUSE to invade palestine. While i do underatand what happened back then you gotta remember that, according to ANOTHER tumblr post I dont even remember, the average zionist sees holocaust survivors as WEAK. Go figure that shit out. Also theres the chance that this entire thing is some wack shit because all people figured out of WWII right after it happened was that 6 million jews were killed because the 20th century equivalent of a 4channer blamed the jews on everything, and to avoid that from happening again the judaist populace had to be granted land... land that was not theirs to begin with.

To the public eye? Yeah. But in private? The entire area of Palestine is effectively an open-air prison where all water is poisoned and the IDF is illegally settled there and (according to one more post i saw here) are so wound-up they usually find a public space and fire some bullets, giving severe PTSD to anybody with 1/10th of a fucking braincell and therefore the ability to go "hey wait a fucking second. This is really stupid and the average human shouldnt expect to get shot at while going at the market because they are indigenous to a country

And btw: israel classifies journalists of the oct 7 attack/assault/incident/event/etc. (as in, people who took photos and recorded what happened) as TERRORISTS. And then KILLS THEM

Imagine if america did that...

Oh wait.

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