#and i cant help but feel like theyre lying every time they tell me they love me

[gaykneecaps]

tw vent

[trohpi]

moonwater au where regulus is trans and his periods happen to occur around the full moon. when he befriends remus, remus immediately thinks that hes also a werewolf because of all the “signs” (ie being irritable and in pain around the full, refusing to change around others, knowing how to get blood stains out, etc)

and hes so excited to find someone else like him that he just sort of,,, tracks regulus down one day and is like “i know your secret” and regulus, thinking that remus figured out hes trans, freezes. he panics internally, his mind whirring with how much does he know? and who will he tell? but most of all, what lie can i tell that will be convincing enough for remus lupin to believe?

so when remus continues, saying “i know youre a werewolf too” regulus just sort of,,, goes with it. hes all “yup yup yup, totally a werewolf, thats my big secret, you caught me” and remus is just relieved that he finally has someone to talk about it with. because sure, he can complain to sirius and james and peter about the transformations, but its not the same as talking with someone who actually experiences it, who actually lives it.

and its when they start having these talks that regulus realizes that, funnily enough, being a trans man is not all that different from being a werewolf. when remus talks about looking in the mirror and seeing someone elses body, regulus gets it. and when regulus talks about the fear of losing your friends if they discover who you are, remus gets it too. its a weight off of both of their shoulders, having someone that relates so deeply to their experiences, and they start to become close. really close.

eventually remus starts acting different around him, small touches and lingering glances filling their time together, and regulus begins to feel guilty. immensely guilty. hes been deceiving remus, listening to him divulge his innermost secrets under false pretenses, and now remus has feelings for him. nevermind the fact that regulus returns said feelings, because thats irrelevant. after remus discovers hes been lying this whole time, about being a werewolf and about being a cis man, he wont want regulus anyways. and its not like he deserves his love, not with how cruel regulus is and how kind remus is.

then remus tries to kiss him, and regulus cant do it anymore. he starts crying and admits he was lying the entire time, that hes not a werewolf, that hes actually a trans man, and hell understand if remus doesnt want him anymore. remus is quiet for a moment out of pure shock before he just starts laughing. like folded over, belly-aching laughing. and regulus is internally panicking the entire time but remus just cant help it. he thinks back to every “sign” he ever noticed and cant believe that he missed this. finally he calms down just enough to collect himself and looks to regulus, who is still panicking, and says “i guess our times of the month arent quite so similar afterall”

regulus bursts into startled laughter and remus cant help but join him, but then tears of relief start clouding regulus’ eyes because he was so sure remus would hate him. so, so sure, but he doesnt and the relief is overwhelming. then remus pulls him into a tight hug, and he thinks maybe theyre alright.

[comet-forgot-you]

pls pls pls write some sub!sam there’s nothing out there and I’ll give you my LIFE 🙏🙏🙏

smut. 18+ pls.

sub!sam who seems to have control in every aspect. shes a natural leader, always knows what to do, shes the one everyone goes to with any issues.

sub!sam who agrees with her friends when they talk about whos more dominant in the bedroom between you two. they obviously say its her, you dont disagree or confirm. you let sam dig herself into a hole, looking at her with an unimpressed look.

sub!sam who doesnt know why she keeps lying. she knows whats to come just from the look on your face. eyebrows slightly raised as she lies straight through her teeth. she knows that the second the two of you are alone, you’ll have her on her knees, a hand in her hair to tug her closer to your cunt.

sub!sam who doesnt say anything when you two get home. she knows shes in trouble, but you dont seem to do anything. you get yourself ready for bed and sam cant help but do the same in complete silence, looking at you expectantly. you have to be planning something, right?

you dont tell her anything. you get into bed, sam following soon after. you cuddle into her side, head on her chest and she slowly wrap her arms around you. youre quiet, and just when sam think you’ve fallen asleep, you move your hand under her shirt, pinching her nipple between your fingers.

sam whines, head dropping back. you feel the bud harden beneath your touch. you twist and tug on her nipple, leaving sam as a whimpering mess in your hold. “fuck,” she whines out, hips bucking against nothing. every tug on her sensitive nipple sends a wave of pleasure coursing through her body, settling in her core.

“you have all the control, hmm?” she hisses when your hand switches to her other nipple, giving it the same attention you gave the other.

“i didnt mean it.”

“why’d you say it then?”

you tug her nipple the second she opens her mouth to respond, all that comes out is a stained moan. you pull away from her, moving to sit between her legs. she looks up at you with pleading eyes, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. you tug her boxers down, fingers moving to spread her sticky folds apart.

sam hisses when you blows a stream of cold air onto her exposed cunt. she wants nothing more than to close her legs. you leave her alone for a minute or two, getting the vibrator you had used on the girl so many times before. when you come back to her, her thighs are closed and shes bucking her hips, a weak attempt at soothing the ache between her legs.

you tap her thigh, “open,” and she does exactly as you say. you find yourself between her legs once again. you push the vibrator through her folds, wetting the toy before settling it on her clit. its not on yet, but that doesnt stop sam from moaning like it is.

you turn it on and the vibrations against her clit have her whimpering out. you circle it around her sensitive clit, leaving sam as a moaning mess as she works up to her orgasm. her head is thrown back, eyes closed as she focuses on the pleasure between her legs.

“look at me.” sam listens after a few moments, eyes meeting yours. theyre blown with lust, bottom lip taken in between her lips. “good.” she squeezes her eyes closed for a moment, opening them when you smack her inner thigh.

“fuck!” sam’s close. you can tell. her eyes struggle to stay open and on you, her fingers curling into the sheets beneath her. you can see the way her abs tense slightly beneath her raised shirt. her moans get closer together, more desperate than the last.

you tug the vibrator away at the last possible second. sam’s eyes widen, whines and quick “nonono’s” leaving her lips. you give her a second for the orgasm to subside before replacing the vibrator on her cunt.

“look at you sam,” you whisper. she shivers, pleading to you as she bucks her hips up to meet the toy. “you were all big and bad, telling all your friends how much control you have. look at you now, baby. just a desperate mess, all for me.”

“all for you, baby, please. im sorry, ill be good, i promise. just let me cum, please baby, ‘m sorry,” she whines out. it sends heat coursing through your body, but you wont give in, whats the fun in that?

“no, baby. you need to learn your lesson. be good and take what i give you, yeah?”

[ldy11lc]

Artrick x theater kid moodboard?

ARTRICK MOODBOARD + HC’S ᥫ᭡

─────── ୨ৎ ───────

─────── ୨ৎ ───────

ᯓᡣ𐭩 theyre your biggest supporters, full stop.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 art is at EVERY single show with a bouquet of flowers in hand, ready to congratulate you and give you a giant hug afterwards. dosent matter if you were the lead or if you had one line, hes there (even if you only helped with the sets, he’s still there)

ᯓᡣ𐭩 patrick does his best to make it to your shows, but he’s on the road a lot for tennis, so he dosent always make it. he feels so guilty but he always makes a point of video calling you before a show while youre getting your hair and makeup done when he cant be there !!

ᯓᡣ𐭩 every time he demands art record the entire show for him to watch after, even if it isnt allowed. art has gotten in trouble for this multiple times

ᯓᡣ𐭩 when he CAN make it though, you know it. he cheers and claps louder then anyone when you come onto stage, when you make a joke, even if it isnt that funny, he’s cackling, and he has gotten into a whisper fight turned accidentally too-loud argument when someone was talking during one of your big moments. (he apologised to you profusely afterwards)

ᯓᡣ𐭩 art has so many ticket stubs from your performances, that he now has a small box dedicated to only them, since there just isnt enough space on the wall (it’s probably definitely got some cheesy label with your name and a bunch of hearts and drawings on the lid) (he isnt ashamed)

ᯓᡣ𐭩 if youre doing a shakespearian play, theyre in the audience doing their best to understand whats going on. if its a musical, they are whooping and cheering every single time you hit a hard note.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 ALWAYS reassuring you and comforting you. you accidentally messed up your words on stage ? no one even noticed ! pre-show jitters ?? you’re going to do amazing, they just know it !!

ᯓᡣ𐭩 theyre at every rehearsal they can be. its nice to watch you in your element !! plus seeing you out of breath and sweaty from the choreography isnt so bad either

ᯓᡣ𐭩 patrick CONSTANTLY talking about how good you look in the costumes and asking if they would REALLY notice if you were to take it home for just one night. everytime you say yes and that you cant but hes slowly wearing you down

ᯓᡣ𐭩 if theres any moment where you have to kiss someone else on stage, theyre doing their BEST to stay calm and supportive (they KNOW its just acting, they DO) but its hard. they’re silently fuming in their seats until they can see you again, and if theyre a little more touchy then normal ? well, that dosent seem like SUCH a bad thing…

ᯓᡣ𐭩 you have definitely almost been caught in compromising positions with them by excited co-stars coming to congratulate you after a show. every time you tell the boys its not going to happen again, but you all know youre lying.

─────── ୨ৎ ───────

Notes. ᡣ𐭩

╰┈➤ aughhh !!! i really hope this is okay !! tbh ive never actually been involved in any kind of theatre (im WAYY too shy for that 😭😭) but i LOVED this prompt !! i just think its so cute !! i hope i did it justice with my limited knowledge <33 also just a fair warning for the other moodboards im going to do !! they are probably NOT going to be this detailed !! 😭😭 i really dont know what came over me for this but i just couldnt stop the words from coming !!

[multifandombullshitbabes]

ive been obsessed with the concept of merlin who actually runs away with freya because after she got injured he panicked and healed her right in front of arthur. so he panicked, again, and ran away with her to live next to the lake. and they do build their lil cottage and have a strawberry farm and some cows. and they also have time to explore their feelings.

and its the funniest thing, because merlin has also been slowly crushing on arthur, and that much is clear whenever he talks abt him to freya. it doesnt make her jealous or anything, just sad that she knows they'll probably never be together. that the only time that merlin and arthur do "interact" is when merlin secretly saves his ass every week or so. like merlin technically never left, but now he gets creative, uses glamours, learns shape shifting after helping freya with her own curse.

he gets to meet with morgana now, because freya urged him to not leave her alone in this mess, so now we don't get evil morgana (yay!). merlin also tentatively tries to do the same with mordred whenever they do meet with the druids, especially when they were figuring out freya's curse, and mordred grows on merlin, so we also dont get evil mordred (great bonus).

and another thing that ive also been obsessed with thinking is that when the great purge began, nimueh tried to sought out balinor since i think they were friends, being 2 magic users with special abilities (high priestess and dragonlord). and she ended up at ealdor just in time to see merlin be born.

and then they meet later on, and nimueh kinda doesnt believe that that's merlin from ealdor since hes in fucking camelot. but then the questing beast happened. and when merlin goes to kill her, she manages to shield herself last second. and feeling that great power that she felt when merlin was born, because he was almost glowing golden and so potent she almost dropped him when she held lil merlin, her brain fucking stopped. she cannot kill merlin. and so she does something that she almost did when she met hunith, and she understood in that little time why balinor had stayed with her, and nimueh decides to use the power she has for her immortality to ensure arthur lives. so now she will age like a normal human, gaius is alive, and so is arthur. and now merlin and nimueh are very awkward with each other.

especially when a bit of time later they end up meeting with the druids to help freya and theyre also helping nimueh. she felt as if her powers were weaker, but merlin was like "yh no ure lying u feel exactly the same" n leaves thinking nimueh is plotting. when in reality she actually did think her powers were dying and that fear made it seem as if it was actually happening. her mind played tricks on her, and she almost believed her magic was dying.

so after this lil nimueh interlude, lets go back to freya and merlin.

the funniest thing abt theyre situation is that. while merlin is obviously crushing on arthur (and brooding abt it cuz yknow), freya is just. "merlin, i think im crushing on gwen." "???? have u met her?" "no but ive seen her and she smells like a good person and also i like what i know abt her from you." "ok-" "also im crushing on morgana." "freya." "also elyan." "GWENS BROTHER????" "HES. PRETTY. YOU CANT TELL ME THAT NOT TRUE CUZ LAST TIME I CHECKED UR EYES ARE WORKING FINE."

i do think that when freya finally gets control over her curse and has her lil space with merlin, her true sunshine gremlin nature comes out and she manages to be more chaotic than merlin, just also more sweet. and dangerous. she can turn into a literal monster.

also. merlin and freya getting married. and having babies. twins. its been on my MIND non stop yall, this has never happened before idc abt kids-

[screampied]

I JUST started this fic. “Ma’am” MEOW MEOW MEOWWWWWWWW MIAOOOOWWWW SHES PURRING THATS SO FINE MEOWWWW “she” HE REFERRED TO THE CAR OR WTV IT IS AS SHE THATS SOOO FINE UGHHHH I need a mechanical baby daddy

his cap is twisted I’m literally gonna bust. ..

there’s no way I closed my eyes expecting a kiss IM SHOOTING UP THE WHOLE STREET AINT NO WAY I JS GIT CUATHY W THAT SHIT U MUST BE PLAYING

oh everyone clocked out nvm we safe chat :3 NOT THE COLOGONE UGGGSGFGAH BRO WHEN U SEE A FINE MAN AND U SMEEL SOME OF THEIR MAN PERFUME ITS LIKE GET IN MY BED JSHSHSHSJ “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss ya” 😛😛

we kissed the last time we met… OH YES did he just mock my stuttering I promise you I JUST busted a nut AUFGHH HAVE MY BABIES TOJI PLS “something telling me you came here for more than just an oil change, baby” well shit I mean we can change that oil for ur cum in me than we can rlly make some babies OR WHATEVAAA 😻

“yeah you do” EEEEKKKKKKK 😻😻😻 the heh I SWEAR vegas you will be the death of me. bro the way you describe a kiss….. what the actual freak…. whys this so good.. GOD I CANT OMG DID HE PUT ME ON THE CAR MEOWWWWW this eating out scene has me acting up “kinky lil slut” OKAY NOW IM ACC GEEKING PLS HAVE MERCY “there’s that cute heartbeat” OH MY GOD

“go head girl” GO HEAD, BE GONE WITH IT 🗣️🗣️ also did u hear my man Justin got arrested… LIKE BRO FREE HIM ☹️☹️ anyways back to this ungodly fanfiction :3

“yeaaaahhhh” #NEEDTHAT. HASH-TAG NEED THATTTTTTT GOODNESS GRACIOUS MEEEEE

OH HES RIGHTUNG HIS NUMBER ON MY ASS HELLOO THAT IS NICE OH MY “uhmmmm, you kind of don’t” guess I don’t !! theyre all yours toji bae 😻 “come back anytime for a refill” COMING EVERY DAY LMFPAOAOA

THAT FIC WAS YUMMY, DELICIOUS N YUMMY AND YUMMY YUMMY YUMMMMYYYYYYY TYVM FOR THE MEAL VEHAS N AS ALWAYS I LOVED ITTTT

— Pearl anon :9

PEARLLLLLL I LOVEUUUUU TY FOR READING 😞😞😞😞💓 i hope you’ve been doin alr tho n stayin safe, sweetheart <3

LMAOOO i love making reader a horny embarrassed girl she’s so cute. reaching in for a kiss i’d actually die inside omg the embarrassment heherkhlhp. we love her 🤞🏽 yessss toji w the twisted cap he’s so sexy i need it

😭😭😭😭😭 nooooauur bc i rly feel like mechanic toji would b such a sloppy kisser omg. u can taste the remains of cheap alcohol on his tongue oh brotherrrr. HELP WHOS JUSTIN ??? BEIBER ???? INCRYING

THANKYOUU S'MUCH IM GEEKING ur commentary is always so sweet ilu pearly 🙂‍↕️💓

[alisria]

if i have to see that fucking post about how "actually it's impossible to lose weight and you should never be recommended weight loss for your health and you can never ever keep weight off and if you diet you will Starve To Death" one more time i am going to actually commit an act of violence (after seeing it for the sixth fucking time and getting mad about it AGAIN i have finally blocked op instead of just continuing to unfollow whoever put it on my dash)

i put my rant under a readmore because i was writing it in tags and it got too long if anyone tries to fucking debate me about any of this you are getting blocked i seriously do not give a fuck this is a VENT POST because im EXTREMELY ANGRY

i understand that this sentiment can be valuable for people with restrictive eating disorders. you are allowed to eat and nourish your body and not feel guilty. but saying that "oh your knees wont hurt as much and your LDL/A1C will improve but thats it it's otherwise Very Unhealthy" is grossly negligent

ldl? you mean cholesterol? a1c? you mean blood sugar levels? you mean by eating in a way that nourishes your body but not in significant excess will help prevent heart disease and type 2 diabetes? which are lifelong medical conditions that can be expensive to live with in countries with no socialized health care?

how about instead of lying and saying that Losing Weight Is Bad we talk about eating varieties of nutrient-dense foods. we talk about adding in foods that are good for our bodies and slowly reducing the amount of foods that are genetically engineered to make you crave more and more and are sold by companies that do not give a shit about your health

like. eating 1500 calories a day is not a starvation diet for anyone under 5 foot 4. it is for taller people. because who would have thought people with larger frames need more energy to make their bodies work. because there is more of them to move around.

weight loss AND weight gain are morally neutral!! stop acting like One of them is good and one of them is evil!!! i understand that not every post is about me but like fuck!! seriously!!! this is the Misinformation Website!!! "this is all googleable" okay but you are also using extremely biased language. you are telling people to google 'starvation diet'. of course they will find information about people LITERALLY STARVING. 'i am a doctor just trust me bro' my doctor is the same with the body positive shit i had to CONVINCE her that losing weight would be worthwhile for me for a multitude of reasons. she finally fucking agreed with me after i said "listen. i felt so much better emotionally, physically, and mentally at [X] lbs. i could tie my own shoelaces without sitting down. i could run a mile without collapsing. using the fucking restroom is easier. i wasn't getting fucking TRAPPED on the floor. and now i weigh [Y] lbs and cant put on my own socks and i am fucking crippled and walk with a cane. i am MISERABLE. and i am STILL MISERABLE after finally being on medication that helps with my brain because i am in EXCRUCIATING PAIN every waking moment, and it even fucking wakes me up at night. i cant sleep. i cant do *anything*." and she finally had to say "yeah okay maybe it would help to lose some weight" LIKE I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO CONVINCE YOU TO BE OKAY WITH ME DOING SOMETHING THAT IS GOOD FOR ME.

this shit makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY. i have seen a dietician, who has graduated me from seeing her. i do not have an eating disorder. but these fucking posts that are just LYING are actively triggering!!!

for the love of god there are communities of people out there who have lost a significant amount of weight, have kept it off, and are EXTREMELY supportive for people who want that for themselves! people who choose to stick around once theyre in "maintenance" (staying at a weight that is healthy for them) because they want to help people improve their lives! acting like NO ONE keeps the weight off is just wrong!!

some of us have fucked up hunger cues!! some of us have adapted overeating as an unhealthy coping mechanism!! as a form of self-harm!! and these things deserve to be faced with kindness and understanding, not "You Will Fail, You Will Fail, You Must Stay Fat"

being fat is morally neutral!! being thin is morally neutral!! you are not a bad person for wanting to gain weight! you are not a bad person for wanting to lose weight! you are not a bad person for wanting to stay the same weight! you are not a bad person for not even being concerned about your weight! but by fucking god you are allowed to feel happy and comfortable with your body in whatever shape it is, and if you know you would be happier in a different shape, you are allowed to work for that!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nights-nonsensical-ramblings]

Next one! Let’s go go go! Episode 12 (s2e4)

Ooh Shadow is the void with the council

nope not the yellow just green through weird light

yay he’s hopeful for sonic

shadow? That you?

I love this snarky boy

HANG ON! I SAID THIS! BEFORE IT CAME OUT I SAID HOW COOL IT WOULD BE FOR THERE TO BE A SHARD MOMENT WHERE DREAD BETRAYS SONIC!

he’s actually really good at lying.

and yeah, Sonic’s gonna have no hope convincing Dread to tell them

i Cant wait to see what happens when he learns Dread intentionally mislead them

oh has he realised?

he’s lost it

no. Wait. He lost it a long time ago. But somehow he lost it more

oh ambush!

yeah, he’s not gonna listen

shadow sabotage!

loosing?

catfish feels bad

FROGGY!

Soething tells me dread won’t be guilty

every time I think dread Cant be more insane…

awww rose bonding

oooh resenting dread?

I don’t doubt him there.

they’re totally going to turn on him

spooky shadow!

the roses helping each other!

theyrs all scared of what he’s going to do

JE KEEPS LOSING IT!

LET HIM KEEP IT AND CAUSE PROBLEMS

straight up evil laughter! Noted by the subs and everything

he ditching them!

he really looks like he’s flying

oh down in one shot!

hey the adventure pose!

oof

oh damn he actually got shot

i love batten

oh the crews gonna be mad at dread

black rose now captain?

where’s Dread?

he’s on the ship!

oh he’s going full villain and i am here for it.

[autocann1bal]

part four of my playlist analysis!!

part 1 &lt;- part 2 &lt;- part 3 <- back into the soup we dive

somewhere only we know - keane lockwood takes them to a special spot and they have a nice picnic on a hill and cuddle on a picnic blanket <3 we're ignoring how sad the song actually is <33.

brooklyn baby - lana del rey oh please lockwood is so brooklyn baby by lana del rey you cant tell me hes not hes a posh little london boy and lucy's a girl who grew up in a rural town in the north theyre so brooklyn baby.

sunsetz - cigarettes after sex we're ignoring the sexual aspect of this song entirely <3 anyway theyre wandering around a park just before the sunset, just being silly and cute <333. like real people do - hozier look i know we've had plenty of locklyle sleepy morning and sleepy nights but this one is DIFFERENT OK. they wake up in lockwoods bed after a rough night of panic attacks from both of them, they fell asleep in eachothers arms. lucy tries to get up without disturbing him and he, still asleep, holds her tighter and kisses her forehead. she stays till he wakes up and they kiss <333 domesticity my beloved. its called: freefall - rainbow kitten surprise george and lucy talking methinks. it just feels like a serious conversation between them. my kind of woman - mac demarco lockwood just heart-eyes-ing at lucy while she files papers in the basement or smth idk just lockwood pathetic simp mode, as usual <33. i was all over her - salvia palth lmao lockwood hopeless simp time but sad edition. the way he looks at her, like shes all hes ever wanted, all he ever will want, but the knowledge that she may never be his. this gets even worse after she starts helping him with his panic attacks, he feels like hes using her. francis forever - mitski lockwood, alone in his room, every night after lucy left. he cant get her out of his head and hes to afraid to ask george for help, for fear george will tell him to suck it up and move on (which of course would never happen). those where some rough nights for lockwood. the beer - kimya dawson lucy breakdown song (real) (not clickbait) (im definitely not writing this instead of my essay waht are you talking about) i want you - mitski lucy, longing for lockwood more than anything, but shes so deathly afraid that holly is replacing her. diet mountain dew - lana del rey ok it doesnt. really fit their dynamic i dont think but it just sounds so right ykwim? good looking - suki waterhouse hes her good looking boy!!! this song is so them just read the lyrics <33. 4 morant - doja cat erm. uhm. haha. i mean. yea. erm. so. hee hee. lockwood vibes. harness your hopes - b-side - pavement that whole 'hold me just like the morning paper' line is so simp-y lockwood <3333. dirty night clowns - chris garneau different. vibe from the last song uhhh. do i have to explain. move me - half.alive THEY ARE SO HALF.ALIVE I CANT EXPLAIN IT ITS JUST THEM. i mean the literal first line of this song is 'i never told, you never asked' which is quite literally them in episode 6 so. i wanna be yours - arctic monkeys just lockwood being a simp again and who can blame him lucy is so <333. britrock - mccafferty uh oh more mccafferty time. this song is just so lucy i dont know why it just is im sorry. im not sorry. after dark - mr. kitty sad vibes. theyre both in the dark just lying together in lockwoods bed. not even talking just together. thinking. ill call you mine - girl in red do i have a personal vendetta against this song?? yes. will it stop me from using it for Them TM?? absolutely not. cute domestic roadtrip vibes fight me. i want to be with you - chloe moriondo this one is self explanatory. bedroom ghost - flower face oops different vibe. lucy shower breakdown? no, lockwood shower breakdown :sunglasses:. privately owned spiral galaxy - crywank (specifically the lovejoy cover tho) mmm lockwood thinking alone in his room song methinks. christ alright, part 5 ig im so sorry this is so long i feel so bad dfhgfkjg

[ssssosababyyyyy]

ranting about men. i’m annoyed.

(most) men inherently bother me. why cant they be normal? im actually not flattered by your perverted comments on my appearance.

when men talk to me all i hear is “please fuck me! please! i’ll say anything! please just fuck me! please” and it’s annoying. they lack any empathy for women what so ever and i quite frankly don’t understand it.

example: this guy that pulled up on me as i was walking home. i stupidly gave him my number, he swore i was so sexy and asked me to send him pics, i said.. no??? idk you. (also who is this working on???)

he gets mad!! and im like… why are you mad?? idk you. LIKE!!!! nigga everything is a sex trafficking scheme. he could post my pictures on the black market and snatch me. (he’ll never get me tho 😈) and i just find it strange how annoyed he was at me for being hesitant. he literally said “i dont have time to deal with you being scary” … once again, i dont know this man at all.

a similar thing happened before w a guy trying to have a 3some w me and my friend at the time. we told him we were worried that he was a trafficker and he got soooo pissed. meanwhile he isn’t doing much to make us feel comfortable. like you sprinkle in a sexual comment every 5 minutes and think we can’t tell you don’t just wanna be friends…….

men hate when women are scared but don’t understand that they’re the reason we’re scared. they do nothing to instill any trust into the relationship and if they do it’s just a thinly veiled attempt to get you to have sex with them.

they dont care at all. and that’s why im insane and off putting right off the bat. you thought i was pretty but i saw an unknown numbers pop up on the screen and i wanna know who it is, why you dont have them saved, what the relationship is like, when and how you met them?

the thing is, contrary to many peoples beliefs, im not fucking stupid. i can tell when a man is lying. they can’t keep face. they will tell you everything you need to know. literally just listen. they lie so much that they can’t keep them straight. they always slip up.

the guy who wanted a 3some: i asked him if he had instagram, he said no bc he’s loyal to his gf. then a few days later we see him again, and without prompting says, “i was looking for yall on ig.” and i just looked at him and said “i thought you didn’t have instagram.” and now he’s making excuses. “oh i just dont use it for real.” nigga you were just using it to look for us??? what the fuck were you even searching for???? unprompted he told me his type** and im like… what about your gf. and all of a sudden the relationship is complicated. but its also open. like they don’t hear themselves speak for real.

also seriously stay away from men who know too much about astrology. theyre either a whore, a master manipulator, or batshit insane. (prolly all 3) you probably don’t wanna date them.

anyway, shoutout to him, i actually wanted to be friends with him. he was cool to talk to minus the sexual shit and being angry we didn’t wanna fuck him. he had some crazy military lore.

** his type was light skin and petite asf which was my friend. this is how i realized he really wanted to fuck her (which she refused to believe for some reason..) anyway he thought that making us a package deal would help him…? whole time idec sir 😩 you didn’t even bother remembering my name but thought i would fuck you????? like he thought i was stupid.

[wanderrlust0]

if youre gonna be happy with me one day and then dry the next day, so be it. ill just match your energy and be dry to you back bc wth

why am i trying to ignore the fact and pretend like its nothing. its. annoying. and theres no reason for it and its unfair that he always gets this way. just bc his ex could cheat, he could cheat, anyone else could cheat, doesnt mean i will automatically cheat as well. why am i always being treated by him like i already cheated and hes already accusing me of stuff thats never even happened nor will it, whenever i hang out with my friend that he doesnt like for NO solid reason. its only his gut feelings and his anxiety plus his outside perspective that my friend is this like crazy, terrible, home wrecker person he believes they are. like why do i feel like he just doesnt like any of my friends sometimes. but this specific friend he says he like hates. like dude first of all, thats such a strong word, you can chill out. secondly, youre the only one whos hating here. my friend doesnt hate you. and hes like “well she has no reason to”. i shouldve said yeah and you have no reason to hate them either. my friend has def shared their opinions on him bc of some of the annoying stuff hes done!!..lol bc yes ive vented to them ofc since theyre my friend, but my friend does not HATE him. theyre happy for me and him and how i was able to find someone for me and stay together for this long (5 yrs with him!!!). he claims he “believes” me and “trusts me” EVERY TIME THIS HAPPENS but then he just resorts back to being uncaring and distant like ??!?! helloooo wheres the caring, loving, funny, bf i fell in love with wtf that just made me cry omg. like you say you trust me then show me and dont stop. why does he have so much doubt in me. not to sound insensitive but he neeeeds to get pasttttt thisss alreadyyy. i kind of told him that its gonna become like so draining if this keeps happening anytime i wanna hang out with this friend and its gonna take a toll on our relationship in the long run. like will he EVER, EVER get over it.. is he really gonna “hate” my friend forever. like can we just figure something out, anything, and do whatever it takes so he can change his perspective of my friend and see that they are def not a threat?! i brought up the idea of meeting again and if that will actually help him to see this person clearer and get his own impression first hand so he can understand and not just go off of his own ideas. he said yes maybe it will but that itll partly feel like a laugh in the face and i was like what?? wdym and he was like well on the off chance that you two DO end up doing things then its like a laugh in the face or whatever. im like seriouslyy. i already told him a million gazillion trillion times that we have NEVER got romantic with each other. right from the start, when we started talking it was in a friendly way and over time we became more comfortable when talking and thats how we became closer. me and him bumping into this friend at the mall coincidently before meeting irl was NOT the problem. we were ALREADY talking about hanging out for the first time. he said it feels like i would choose this friend over him if he were to walk away and i was like okay you cant give me an ultimatum like that and he was like im not! but it feels that way! i tell him i love him and MULTIPLE times he’ll be like “you better!” in a playful but serious way. like do you reallyyy seriouslyyy think that i dont?!? and last time he said that (a few days ago) i was like well do YOU love me?? and he continued to joke around and was like no no i dont love you im like omg stop lying and he stopped. i found out that his defense mechanism is that when he gets in these moods and mindset when im hanging out with my friend, he tells himself to not care about me as much bc if his fears come true then he wont feel as hurt bc he already stepped back. IT MAKES SENSE BUT ITS ALSO LIKE WHY DOES HE HAVE TO ASSUME IM DOING STUFF ALREADY LIKE WHEN WILL YOU HEAL YOUR TRAUMAS FROM YOUR EX D; WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 5 YRS. he was with his ex for like a year! i am not her. i will never do what she did.

[lunanheartache]

eh. lambgar thoughts and dynamics. if ur a pc in his campaign dont read probably

sometimes i want to call them an odd pair but that isn't really fair i think. they're pretty complimentary. they just run into issues with how they deal with things

early lambgar is easy. they're casual acquaintances who run into each other every so often and usually end up sleeping together when they do. jgar likes that lamb doesn't have expectations for him, and lamb likes that jgar is so straightforward and honest. they dont really argue or anything because there isnt really anything Too argue about - they're not together long and lamb doesn't share enough that anything would come up. main source of "conflict" is that jgar trusts people and lamb is like. you are putting yourself in danger. and jgar is like but if i dont trust em someone else might be in danger?? But for the most part: almost like high school / college friends. theyre friendly, flirty, but dont delve into anything hard on purpose

lambgar once theyre Actually More Serious is more a result of jgar than lamb. jgar winds up getting very disillusioned and homesick and reaches out to lamb in a way he hasn't before (and in a way that lamb isn't used to either). it ends up deepening their relationship from surface level to something more solid but fragile-new. jgar is willing to share himself because that's what he does, and lamb does but in fractions and much less. she shares a little about her family, mostly that they dont talk anymore and that she couldnt do anything right in their eyes, but most of what he leans on jgar for is current things, things theyre experiencing together. jgar, for his part, can tell that lamb has come from a different world than he has and he wants to show them what he thinks the world is really like (good and honest). lamb does absorb some of it, mostly in dealing with jgar - they know he isnt lying when he talks, and do slowly build up a sense of trust that they can tell him (some) things without it being an issue. the problem lamb runs into is that he has grown up being told that no matter he's fucking up and he's got the high school era depression mindset. he shares with jgar but doesn't think he can share Hard feelings or when he (lamb) has messed up because that will Ruin Things. this causes the occasional fight, but not drastic as at this point, things are still growing

pivotal point - jgar decides to stop adventuring because of a really bad job. he winds up just so disheartened he needs a break, needs some time back in his world where things are clear and genuine. lamb, who wants that too, goes with him, and they start a farm and get married. the two of them are pretty good at reading each other. jgar knows how to pry things out of lamb, and lamb knows how to tell jgar he's being a dick and when to shut up and other things. jgar likes that lamb is so different from him and he really admires their experience and enjoys learning new things from them that he wouldn't have otherwise. lamb likes that jgar is sweet and actively interested and doesnt seem to think they fuck up a lot, also likes how involved in community & local tradition he gets and tries to engage herself. they're very much a learn from each other couple. some communication issues, but they work through them

big thing comes up when lamb is attacked. the first month after, lamb realizes they've been werewolfed, and immediately panics. this is bad. this is so bad. they can't find the words to tell jgar because it feels like admitting they fucked up, this is their fault, they just became Literally wrong and difficult and dangerous and oh god oh fuck. she tries to work up the courage a few times, but bails consistently. he doesn't want to admit that now he actually cant Help but ruin things - he mightve been getting better before but now? then every month that passes it just compounds: i cant tell him because he'll realize i've been lying to him for months. he's going to hate me for lying. he hates lying. its like The Thing he hates. i need to tell him. but i cant. ahhhh

then lamb kills him

whoops

wolfing out after one of their worst arguments was not great. they reacted on terrified, frazzled instinct. they have been lying for two years now, and jgar is mad at them for something and it's just a sign that he's going to figure this out and it will be Worse and lamb is a coward who always runs away and fuck. oh fuck where's jgar. oh god oh god i killed him. hes dead. like dead dead i cant bring him back. oh fuck. this is bad. this is the worst thing i could possibly fuck up. im gonna bury him and pretend like nothing happened. its fine. im fine. this is fine. but then the town is asking about jgar because he's so community oriented, and lamb has to lie and say oh hes sick, he just cant make it, oh hes busy, he'll be around one day haha! and she's falling apart from the guilt and the stress and the lies and the grief but can't do anything about it because that's Admitting it. he decides he can clean up his mess and get jgar back and make it right and good again, so he gets some help and magics him back to life

except. jgar doesn't come back great. he comes back really weak and in a lot of pain and intensely confused. he doesnt remember anything. so lamb concocts a story where yes, jgar got hurt after they argued but she fixed everything and now he's back and things will be okay again. except jgar keeps getting frustrated and upset because he's recovering from 5 months in the dirt, and lamb is trying to make everything good without admitting to any wrong. by the time jgar recovers some function, he's sensed a rift between them and he interprets this as hes weak now, hes worse on the eyes, hes just a bad memory for lamb, not realizing that lamb is holding himself at a distance out of fear. jgar feels like he has to prove himself so he goes adventuring again. lamb doesn't know how to feel about it

important parts - they communicate well, until lamb gets stressed as their response to stress is mainly flight. lamb generally doesn't go for appeasement or anything to end a confrontation, he will just straight up run away if it's bad enough. normally, he is just kind of teary with confrontation but manages because jgar is easy to talk to and a good emotional example. they like each others quirks and find them endearing (jgar likes lamb's expensive tastes, lamb thinks jgar's tusk shyness is very cute). jgar generally assumes lamb is wholly honest with him, even having caught them in other smaller lies; he just moves forward after the argument thinking they will be honest next time for sure

[sumbreon]

just going over this whole past year, you know how it is

self harm and family death below so that gives you an idea of how its gone i guess

so january started on a nice high, i felt better than i had in a long time and then one week into january it took a complete nosedive to the lowest id felt in years. like i went from starting to talk and managing to push myself to do some stuff i wanted to/would be good for me to wanting to self harm for the first time in seven years. i was sat at work completely dissociated and got jolted out of it by an extremely vivid image of blood pouring out of my arm.

it was a double edged sword because it pushed me to finally reduce my hours at work which i really needed but like it meant i was doing real bad which really fucking sucked with how id been doing the past month. it was agreed with my boss that id start my reduced hours in april so we wouldnt have to mess around with annual leave calculation bullshit and just knowing it was coming helped but i was definitely pretty out of it for those months.

march rolls around, i have a week and a half booked off. im gonna decide on some things i want to do with my extra time after i recover mentally and then my grandmother is in hospital with some dark spot on her bladder and the care home she was in cant look after her anymore and she may have contracted covid in the hospital but its fine she didnt then michael tells me theres gonna be a band 4 coming up in pathology IT but i cant process that right now but its there in the back of my mind constantly then she gets bounced around a few care homes then shes back in hospital then it settles and shes in a care home 5 minutes away from our house but i still havent seen her in like a year and a half at this point and im wracked with guilt because what do i remember about her really? not much it feels like, i worry if shed even recognise me, what would i even say to her? but it doesnt matter because visitors are still limited and id rather my mum and aunties see her cause theyd get more out of it

then its april and my mum just snaps under her own job, i have this extra time at home but i gotta walk on eggshells cause march happened and now this and i have no idea how shes doing mentally because this family is so emotionally repressed so i just hide in my room, basically feeling kinda catatonic and just straight up lying at work like 'yeah its great!'

then may comes around and i do actually start to recover. the band 4 jobs still in the background of my mind but nothing mores been said about it but i cant not think about it. the time goes by so much faster than you think it would but i start drawing again. small canvas size just sketches nothing fancy at all just a minimum something once a week no pressure its okay

june is much the same, the plan had been recover mentally then start applying for jobs elsewhere but then the band 4 was there looming so the plan became wait and see what comes of that, i dont manage to get back to where i was at this time last year but i do my best to not hold it against myself, im getting better thats what matters

july. the band 4 goes up its all thats in my brain. i want to recind my application so i can stop worrying about it. i get the job its full time and day time hours as opposed to the 12-8 ive been doing for years but its too good an opportunity for me to pass up. its means i can get on paper IT experience

august comes around and im due to start my new job on the 8th. its the 7th i go downstairs see my mum and ask her how its going. my grandmother is dead. i start my new job and i say nothing about that, its a struggle though i dont show it im shown a few things but theyre done quickly and easy to stay on top of, i only know one person in this room, my desk is the first one you see when you come into the room so im on edge every time the door opens, i dont want to be doing this right now but sitting at home wont do me any good either so i bear it silently, the funeral is the 26th, i only mention this to my new boss because i need the day off, theres a moment of pity that i cant really deal with. i hate being pitied i know people mean well by it but it makes me bristle. its the 26th my mum starts crying as we get to the crematorium shes gripping my hand tightly and i wont let her go either, i sit there and feel the guilt about not remembering but then my great uncle starts to read her eulogy and its like 'oh. there you are. i do remember you. i remember so much of you' and then im crying too

september and october i mostly just continue to adjust to how things are, this new normal, the new job is good, my new boss is kind, i want to cry

november, the birthday month, the start of self reflection. what do i want out of life, how can i get it, who do i want to be. i never really know, i remind myself that this year has been a struggle and i do my best to be kind to myself, its birthday week and ive kept up the weekly sketching for 6 months now, i only missed one week and i dont feel bad about it. a band 5 has gone up in pathology IT, explicitly for me

its december and its come around so fucking fast, its over already. i get the band 5 we have a nice christmas. i survive. this year had such extreme highs and lows and i honestly have no idea how to like rank this year

i have come to the unfortunate conclusion that working in pathology IT will be temporary, my boss is set to retire july this year, working full time takes too much out of me so i dont have the energy to do things that i want, i miss my hours of 12-8. the plan was always stick it out for a year and see where im at but the hope was that id stay. maybe im not done adjusting but thats for the eden of june to decide.

thank you for reading i love you i hope things go well for you be kind to yourself - eden :] <3

[tears-of-boredom]

My room door has its hinges on my side so youd have to break the door to get in. I think i can hold my side if im awake. Im kinda paranoid. But i guess i have basis in that. I have a reason why i feel so stressed in this house. Even though i shouldnt. I should have no reason to have to keep a knife in my room to feel safe. And i think she doesnt see that i have reasons. I think that she thinks im just angry at her. I think she thinks i dont answer her because im mad at her. She thinks that i would want to keep my door closed when she comes in to talk because then the cats can get in. She thinks i care.

My sister sent me a text earlier. It was actually yesterday. We dont really talk to each other, just relay information when needed. She said that she wants for me to leave as well for the weekend so she and her friends can be totally alone. It wasnt in a rude way or anything. She said that she had noticed how closed off ive been for a while, and that shes pretty worried about me. That if there's anything she could help me with, she would. She said that she cant help if she doesnt know how to, and asked if i could respond. Then a hug sticker....

..........

......

Last year, I would've been so happy to get that message. I knew then that my sister cared about me, and that she would listen if I opened up to her...but it never felt right, it was always like i would be needlessly ruining her mood. That text read to me like a direct invation to share things. It read like I would make her day better by telling her how I've felt all this time.

........but...

I dont know, somewhere there was a tipping point...past that point, i dont feel redeemable, or frankly, like a person. Her words also mirrored mother's words pretty closely, so it makes me afraid that her other words would do that as well.

I feel like any help people will try to throw on me, will just go to waste. Not even the jokey "im employing people" excuse does anything for me anymore.

I needed saving when i was in fucking 2nd grade.

.....what if i got the wrong diagnosis....what if thats why none of the therapy or other aids work....i know that its impossible to fake an autism diagnosis, i know......i also remember how i still thought i was fine, how i was actively playing down every problem i had....whenever i stepped into the doctors room, i took on this persona....the good patient.......

........i just remember the red couches in every room.....in my head, i was just entertaining the adults.. they wanted to do all this to me, and me telling them i dont feel like it helps me, or that i dont see the point in it,, it didnt convince them. So i played along, while convinced i was alright, convinced from the start that none of it was going to help.....

...i was still bottling up all my frustrations, because if you ignore it, it goes away. Talking back will only lead to more conflict. I let the adults mispresent me, not like i cared, it wasnt going to work either way. Since the adults are better at knowing whats good for me, maybe theyre better at knowing me as well huh.

......i remember feeling really guilty, sitting in the waiting room and looking around. Seeing these other kids who had real problems. I felt like a faker. I wasnt supposed to be there.....

.....thats kind of how i feel about life..like im a faker, and that im not supposed to be here....

Last sunday, i was just asking the whole time in my head "why?", "was this your plan?", "did i do something wrong?", "is this what you had always planned, or did i make a choice that altered it?"......

..........

.......i wrote the tags before all the shit from my sister's text onwards..this wasnt supposed to be another one of these posts, just a quick "lol i hate it here"..... i hate it everytime i insinuate that i have trauma. I mean every. single. time. Its the same with any problem that i see as "real". I'll say i have something a couple times, but then the guilt catches up and i feel like ive been lying....its catching up from my "aspergers" diagnosis.....the fact that the diagnosis is called that makes me feel even faker.....i asked about it one time, about why they used the "outdated" term, and the reasoning was that "its just an older term for autism dont worry, it means the same thing"......

...........

......my fuel has kinda run out by now.....my tears have dried completely.....i dont know how else to end this....sorry for posting this. I know its shitty of me to say that and post it anyways, i dont know why i do this........

[oriigirii]

The Brothers reacting to an MC who likes to collect... rocks?

It was certainly a strange hobby to behold, but there were more than meets the eye within these rocks! If you crack them open they often hold such a wonderful design, and on the rare occasion they can probably even hide a geode or two, regardless, you were very passionate for these things and it just so happens that it catches some of the brother’s attention.

(A/N: Ill be doing 2 at the time for now UwU  

Warnings: none! 

Reader: Gender Neutral!)

~ 눈_눈 Lucifer ~

* Lucifer always kept an eye on you ever since you got to Devildom

* Cuz of this, he was probably the first to notice your... strange addiction

* He saw how you always seem to stop on your tracks to pick up a shiny smooth stone lying on the side of the gates infront of the HoL while he walked home with you.

* Or how you’d snatch a few from the gardens on an early Sunday morning when you think that everyone was still asleep

* Since it was harmless enough, he never really bothered to call you out on it 

* Lowkey does find it cute how something so small can already make you so happy, such an easy-to-please cutie you are

* It wasn’t a problem till he was told that you seem to be arriving late more often for your classes 

* At first he thought that maybe you were simply caught up in some mess from his brothers again 

* Maybe perhaps Belphie snuck you off to sleep again than go to class 

* But no, when he’d confronted you he was pretty surprised, and at the same time, confused at your answer.

* “There were these cool looking red geodes I accidentally found on the back, b-but I mustve dropped them at some point when Mammon and I were rushing to class...so I’ve been trying to look for more of them for my collection... Sorry...”

*To be fair you did look pretty apologetic for it and really didnt mean to botch up your schedule, but still.

* He lets you go pretty easily, with a small lecture, but thats about it. 

* Although you never did stop looking for that geode, you even pulled Beel to help with promise of a homemade cake to try and cover as much ground, but nothing.

* You came home that day a little defeated

* but much to your surprise when you reached your room, a small box was waiting outside your door and inside was none other than the beautiful red geode youve been so desperate to look for. And... well, you didnt have to guess who was kind enough to give it to you.

* The next day, you do go over to thank him properly for the help, and explain that you had been extremely captivated with that specfic geode because of how it reminds you of the first born’s eyes.

* This boi is highkey stunned but tryna make it lowkey though (pride 100)

 * Definitely amused and flattered. 

* From now on, he does continue to give you geodes to add to your collection, and would even accompany you on your little endeavors if his work load isnt too unbearing. Away from the eyes of his brothers of course.

* Hed definitely want to seek the perfect geode too that reminds him of you in return that he can decorate on his desk while hes working. Even better, maybe have the geodes crafted to a perfect ring that you two can wear.

-------------

~ ᕙ(`▽´)ᕗ Mammon ~

* Not like youre complaining either

* Today was another weekend, and weekends mean you guys get to hang out!  

* Not like you two were ever seperated in the first place anyways, he’s like an octopus that just wont let go 

* Anyways, He casually enters your room, phone in hand as he scrolls through various articles featuring his modelling work, he was gonna show off as usual, afterall, this man LIVES for your praise.

* “Oi! (Y/N) Check this out! They ranked me number 1 on the most handsome model in Devildom! And I didn’t cheat the system this ti---”

* You had been busy in your cabinet when he walked in, so you didnt have time to warn him of your mess on your bed.

* Hence why, when he was starting to brag about his latest achievement, it was immediately cut off by a pained yelp.

* Mammon, too busy on his DDD, didnt notice the shiny geodes and stones you had left on your bed to arrange for your new dsplay case, and because of this, (his dumbass) plopped on the bed, landing right on the sharp edges of the beautiful rocks.

* It wasnt fun.

* You had rushed to help him as he started stroking his back from the sting, he was a demon so he was pretty sturdy, but cmon, landing on a buncha hard rocks was still not good.

* You did rush to go get him an ice pack for his poor back, and when you came back, he seemed to have been healed almost immediately as he stares at your collection with a big shine on his own eyes, they can rival the geodes at this point.

* “(Y/N)! Why didn’t you tell me you had these? Don’t yknow how much these would sell? Hell, I can even probably sell them for an even higher price!”

* The rolling of your eyes was very intense that Diavolo could feel it from his castle and you pushed that ice pack on his face to make him stop.

* You did make it very clear that if he ever decides to try and get any of these stones, you were gonna be snitching him to Beel for eating his pudding the other day (You wouldn’t though would you?)

* Still that does shut down his money making plans, but he does question you for it, why hoard these valuable items when you could make thousands of grimm for it? You even seem to have a talent for finding these too, it seems like a huge waste, and so you proceed to explain to him your love for these shiny geodes.

* First image in his head was you being a relative to a crow, or you being a crow in general, because if anything, thats what his little crows do, they pass him shiny stuff they find along the day, of course theyre not as extravagant as these geodes, but it doesnt negate the fact you definitely have crow energy, and hes so down for it. His love for you just grew tenfold.

* But who knew it can grow further? Because you eventually explain to him that the geodes you collected, or the simple stones you had, all were special because all of them hold a special memory. One of the smoother stones you had was the same stone you used to display your mom’s favorite rose garden, it even had your initials that you scrapped on when your were 5, another was a geode you found on your field trip at the human world and so on.

* Mammon definitely had his attention to you the entire time, this boy is smitten and he just loves hearing you talk about each one, he grows a small appreciation for them now and he can understand why you wouldn’t want to sell them away. But then he noticed you reach for a much cleaner, tear drop looking geode, it was a blue-yellow mix.

* You explain to him that this was your first geode found when you went here in Devildom, the first you also carved as it was more jagged than this when you found it, and of course, you chose to keep it cause it reminded you for your first man.

* Mammon was so moved,and he was just sitting there, red as a strawberry and mouth open like a fish out of water, but hes not the only one because you too were blushing like an idiot as you held the special rock.

* He does end up trying to act his typical ways, but he was nothing but a stuttering mess, and much to his embarassment, he was also tearing up.

* Please hug him, he needs it, he just cant help but feel so flattered that you dedicated a geode for him and he felt that pride and love swell to incredible levels, you definitely have him yearning for you even more.

* Next time you go out to seek more geodes here in Devildom, he might just come with you along with his army of crows, and even cuter, his crows would just hand you special rocks every now and then.

* This boy might just start his own collection now thanks to you, but most his geodes will just be dedicated to you

----------

A h h h hope you guys like it! I know its a weird premise, but I honestly do love gemstones and stuff lol, also yes i did indulge too much on Mammon, hush,but yeah, ill do more of the others soon!

(Art by me!)

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!