#and i can grow all the mushrooms i want

[thepeanutbutterwizard]

God I want a bearded dragon

[ninety-two-bees]

love is real and it is everywhere actually. just in case you forgot

[mumblelard]

maniacally laughing just saw a street preacher with a spanging sign of doctor bronneresque density consensually stripper grind someone who was wearing a vest made out of dead beanie babies or a babo shaped babo

last week the blue moon landed on my birthday for only the second time in my life. so much that happened between those two birthdays was an unwinding of everything that came before, and a lot of that hurt, it really hurt, but now i feel strangely untouchable. i may get one more blue moon birthday in nineteen years. i can't wait to see what this new era brings

in the last week, i saw the giant snapper that rules the bull sluice. i ate fried chicken and seven-up cake, homemade pulled pork nachos, and waffle house. i went to the parade with both of my kids for the first time in a decade. i talked to a good friend on the phone for hours. i laughed so much. i made a delicious pot of very angry beans. i slept with my windows open for the first time since spring, and i drank coffee on my cool breezy porch

it's been a very good week

(oh yeah, and i learned a thing about myself that folks have been telling me since i was sixteen, but i finally heard them, and i am still laughing about it)

[harrylights]

.

[muddi-gutz]

Now that I’m seeing people make snow na’vi with white hair I wanna change mey up 😗

[scribefindegil]

Still thinking about how the dominant conception of mushroom-hunting in my (USAmerican) culture is fear and revulsion and the idea that anyone who eats a mushroom they found in the woods is courting a terrible death. And I don't want to push back too aggressively; it's better that people think the hobby is too dangerous to bother with rather than having people who are so blasé about the dangers that they end up poisoning themselves. But it still gets a little annoying sometimes. So, for the record, some more nuanced information:

There are a small number of mushrooms that will kill you if you eat them. Most field guides make sure to describe these species carefully so you know what to avoid.

There are a rather larger number of mushrooms that will make you sick but not kill you. Many of these are also noted in field guides, especially if they look at all like any of the edible species.

Many choice edibles are very visually distinct and don't have any non-edible lookalikes. Many foragers stick with these safe choices permanently. (I do this!)

Some edible mushrooms *do* have poisonous lookalikes. Individual foragers can decide how confident they are in their identification skills and what level of risk they're comfortable with accepting.

You need to learn how to use a field guide if you want to gather mushrooms for the table. For most people, this is not a difficult skill to develop, although it takes practice.

You need to learn how to see what is actually in front of you instead of what you want to see. Many misidentifications come from people ignoring obvious field marks out of wishful thinking.

You need to learn about what grows in your region, and if you move, stop foraging until you've had a chance to research the new region. Sadly, many mushroom poisoning cases are recent immigrants who mistook a toxic mushroom for an edible variety from their home country.

It is extremely possible to forage safely. It is also very possible to forage recklessly. You need to be aware of your own skills and temperament to decide whether it's a hobby that will work for you.

If you want to learn more about mushrooms (both poisonous and edible varieties), I highly recommend the book Chanterelle Dreams, Amanita Nightmares by Greg Marley.

[4n-4ng31]

i’m ovulating and all i can think about is being stuffed with Nanami’s girthy cock. It’s just too big and all you can think about while taking it is just how much of a man you have, just how bad you want him to fill you up. I mean, he’s so kind and patient with his students, he’s a good teacher and he’s such a good man. Always protecting them, protecting you.

It doesn’t help that he wants to see the way your stomach grows and boobs spill out of your bra. Not to mention the wet patches that get left on your nightgown when the milk starts coming out. He thinks of all this as he rams into you, having you in the meanest mating press and expressing his thoughts into your ears. His mushroom tip isn’t touching your cervix but it feels pretty damn close to it while all you can do is helplessly clench and whine around his incredibly thick cock.

(can’t think of a way to end it i’m just so horny rn. sorry the thoughts aren’t like coherent.)

[headspace-hotel]

Brother saw new next door neighbor putting leaves in black trash bags

He went over to neighbor and said "hi there I see you have leaves, we need leaves can we take your leaves?"

Neighbor says sure!

we have TWELVE BAGS all stuffed to the brim with leaves

Neighbor sees me distributing the leaves around the Meadow, offers to come help???

I say sure!

She asks what this area is for, I say this is the meadow, we let it grow up for the bees and butterflies and birds and other wild creatures

Neighbor says Oh? That is really cool!!!

We get to talking for half an hour about the importance of weeds and wild fields and meadows, letting nature do its own thing and cultivating biodiversity

Neighbor has a two year old son who she wants to raise surrounded by natural spaces to play in and explore. We will definitely talk again in the future!

I feel like a tree in the forest connecting to a new mushroom that connects me to a whole other corner of the forest...

[the-goo-goo-muck]

NOW PLAYING

DIRTY LAUNDRY PT. 1

grown ass men & what turns them on

Starring: Choso Kamo, Kento Nanami, Kiyotaka Ijichi, Satoru Gojo, Sukuna Ryomen, Toji Fushiguro

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Choso Kamo: Praise <3

It’s no secret, not to you & not to anyone else, that Choso liked to be praised. Not even just sexually; compliments, even if they weren’t always too sincere, went straight to his heart. Your compliments specifically, went straight to his dick. If he had a tail, it’d wag constantly in your presence, especially hard when you called him a “good boy.” This was true of all situations, but there was something primal about him when he was kissing your cervix with the mushroom tip of his cock, holding on to your waist for dear life as he rutted up into you, & he hears you say “f-feels so good, Cho, right there, God, it’s so good, you’re such a good boy.” It’s stronger than any drug, & it gets him drunker than any alcohol. He’ll do damn near anything to hear you say it again. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Kento Nanami: Size Kink <3

It’s animalistic, this caveman quality in him & he’s so ashamed by it, the guilt drives him mad, but it’s when you’re like this, sitting on top of him, falling all over the hard plane of his chest, as he lifts your hips over & over that he just can’t seem to care. It comes from deep within him, the urge to throw you on the bed & have his way with you, which is so strange so atypical of Nanami who is always so reserved, so in control of himself. But he loses that sense of control when you’re begging him oh so sweetly: “Please, ‘Ken, you–ngh–you’re so deep, too deep.” Good, he thinks to himself, that’s how he wants it. & he wants to see the outline of his cock through the soft skin of your stomach, & he likes to fold you in half, fucking into you from behind, you knees not even on the bed anymore, & he needs to watch—wide-eyed & entranced—as his thick cock spreads out your little hole, listening to you whimper with each deep thrust.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Kiyotaka Ijicihi: Overstim <3

It’s relatively easy to overstimulate Kiyotaka; everything about him is so sensitive, mentally & physically. So when he’s panting & whining, coming down from the high of fucking your fist, & he feels your hand resume its ministrations, squeezing the base of his cock, fingers sliding over his wet tip, hands cupping his balls, he’s all but cumming again. & cum again he does. Kiyotaka is such a sweet beggar, which is why you’re never surprised when he’s begging you to stop; but if he really wanted you to stop, well, he has a word for that, & yet he never uses it because, of course he doesn’t want you to stop, not when it feels “so good, s’too good, gonna cum, c-can’t can’t take it, can’t take it, please, please, plea–”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Satoru Gojo:  Somno <3

It’s not something that happens often & maybe that’s why Gojo fucking loves it so much. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? It’s not until he’s pulled two or three all-nighters, gone on mission after mission, skipped meals, not showered, etc. that you’re finally too tired & too upset with him to wait up for him again tonight. When he comes home, he sees you in your bed & any thoughts of dinner or a shower fly right the fuck out the window because he just has to have you. His favorite is when you don’t wake up at all, when he’s giving it to you all soft & sweet & he’s just so sure that you’re having the best dream of your life. He's mouthing at your breasts, leaving a trail of drool across your entire torso, fingers massaging your hips, your waist, your nipples. But of course he enjoys it when you wake up too, when he’s three fingers deep & you whine particularly loudly, waking up all of a sudden, “‘Toru, Toru please, feels so good, it’s too much, gonna cum, can I cum?” Of course you can, silly, that’s all he really wanted anyway; he’s just missed his sweet girl & the taste of her cum on his fingers when he’s licking them all clean. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Sukuna Ryomen: Marking <3

Shockingly, Sukuna loves to mark his property like a dog pissing on a tree. . .psst, pretend to be shocked. At first, it was small little hickeys on your inner thighs, maybe a scratch mark here or there, rarely ever visible. But all it took was a simple thrown out phrase one night when he was fucking you real good. “‘M’yours, ‘Kuna, all yours.” He knew that, damn it, but what’s the harm in proving it to everyone else. After that, he was insatiable. If you were alone & you weren’t fucking—a rarity—he had you in his lap, sucking hard on the skin of your neck, your collarbones, your breasts, the nape of your neck, your stomach, your ass. . .the list goes on. Your hips are at a near constant state of bruised, your back holds little crescent-shaped indentations, your knees are always red, & your friends ooh & ahh over the state of your neck. It was more red than skin-colored. You were his, & not only did he want you to know that, he needed to remind everyone else of it as well. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Toji Fushiguro: Breeding <3

Birth control? Condoms? Pulling out? He’s not familiar with them. Nope, he’s gonna fuck load after load into you, ‘til he’s just sure that you’re pregnant, & when he’s so overstimulated, when his cock is an angry red, raw, he’ll kneel on the bed in front of you, & finger fuck his seed into you. Realistically, Toji knows you are on contraceptives & so no matter how raw he fucks you, you’re more than likely not getting pregnant. But try telling that to him when he’s got your legs firmly over his shoulders, sweat is dripping from his forehead, & he’s babbling his orgasmic nonsense of “gotta fill you up, pretty girl, gotta put in a baby in ya, gonna fuck you so full.” It’s in one ear & out the other for him. There’s something deeply instinctual about it; his brain is just wired this way: he needs to fuck his pretty girl full to the brim, & you’re gonna take it, whatever he gives you.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

PART 2: coming soon to a theatre near you <3

[thepeanutbutterwizard]

God I want a bearded dragon

[wakebymoonsleepbysun]

Dogday!! Trying to figure out a way to send a Y/N in there to help him.

Rambles under the cut.

(I drew my sona in these cuz self-indulgent, but if I ever write anything it'll be a reader insert with little to no canon design.)

Design notes: Took some elements from his game model as well as his cartoon design. I think when we see him, he is emaciated and/or stretched out, the way CatNap is said to be able to stretch. Don't know if that's an ability all Smiling Critters have though. For now I'm saying it is SOMEWHAT but CatNap is the better at it by MILES. In any case, that's why he's not quite as lanky as he is in game, and is also a bit shorter.

I also he can be bipedal or quadrupedal, much like CatNap seems to be able to switch back and forth. A bit more animalistic than his cartoon counterpart, but part of that is just him not wanting to tower over the children and employees all the time, so drops down to all fours quite a bit.

The fur texture on his ears in the game cave him a floofy cocker spaniel look so I went with that instead of the less floofy ears he has in the cartoon and his original plushie.

The white pupils being absent when we see him I believe is a sign of how weak he is. When healthy, all the Bigger Bodies Smiling Critters have them, much like CatNap does.

Trying to actually keep his huge open-mouth smile at all times, unlike with my FNAF stuff where I give them more of an ability to emote. That said trying to get him to look angry or sad was a challenge. Sad I think worked okay but the one where I meant him to look angry he looks more cocky or smirky than mad. Tender moments are a bit harder too, as keeping that huge grin with more tender eyes results in him looking either drunk or horney or just like he's not taking the moment very seriously, haha.

And the story? Not sure yet, bouncing around a few ideas, though I don't think I'll have the reader and the player be the same person. Reader might be someone who came up in PlayCare alongside Dogday. Perhaps they knew each other as kids when Dogday was still human. Haven't decided how much of this Dogday remembers or at what point the reader realizes Dogday is their old friend who got "adopted".

Reader grows up the Playcare and is given a job once they're an adult. (Something something starting the brainwashing and normalization of bullshit early to make employees who are more willing to look the other way?)

Dogday somehow kept them hidden during the Hour of Joy and the reader's been living in the caves ever since. (The caves open up so much possibility for people being hidden in the factory. Much easier to say there's an unknown offshoot of a natural cave system than an unknown part of the factory.)

How are they staying fed? Uhhhh...cave mushrooms? Trips to the surface? Moss? Stale vending machine candy? I don't know yet.

Not sure how to pull a happy ending out of this horror but I'm trying. Maybe the reader convinces Dogday to leave after Ch 3 because he'd be too weak to help anyway or something? And uh...I'm just gonna pretend since he's kinda a plushie he can be sewn back together even though I'm PRETTY SURE canonically the inclusion of blood and guts makes that...not a thing.

Just remember guys...all winds blow away...eventually.

[twice-inamillion]

OC’s Birthday Part 2

Smut (Birthday Blowbang, Facial, Deep Throat, Milk Feeding, Grinding)

Chapter 241

Words: 2520

(The members reward you with a special birthday present after being away for so long.) 

After celebrating with the kids and the members, the mothers put the babies to sleep. The rest clean up the mess as you kiss each of your children good night. As you walk down the stairs, you see all nine of the girls lined up with a chair in the middle.

“What are you girls doing?”

Jihyo walks towards the center, “Us girls wanted to give you a birthday present to thank you for all the things you’ve done for us.” 

Tzuyu wants towards you and grabs your hand, leading you to the chair. Nayeon pulls out a blindfold and ties it to make sure you can’t see what is going to happen next. 

“Wait, what are you girls doing?” you ask as you feel someone bring your hand behind the chair and feel the handcuffs being placed.

You hear Jihyo say, “Take off his clothes, make sure nothing remains.” The feeling of multiple hands on your body as they take off your shirt, pants, and eventually your boxers. 

Deprived of sight, you hear whispers amongst the members, and you wait nervously for what’s about to come. “What’s going on?”

After a moment of silence, you feel someone spread your legs and grab your member. You gasp at their cold but long fingers around your cock and immediately know who it is. 

“Nayeon?”

There is a slight laugh in the background, but the hands continue to fondle both your cock and balls. You feel your cock getting harder, waking up from its slumber. 

Nayeon smiles at you, knowing it’s her; she grabs your shaft and pulls your foreskin, revealing its mushroom tip. She slowly jerks you off and watches as your cock grows with each stroke. You groan at your cock growing, the foreskin stretching to its limit. 

Suddenly, you feel a pair of fingers scratch the back of your balls, causing you to twitch slightly. “Haha, he’s twitching.” 

One of the members says, “Let’s see who can make him cum.”

Each of them grin at the idea and look at you in your vulnerable state.

”Alright, let the best winner win.”

——

The members watch as Nayeon is the first to service you. They try their hardest not to make a noise as Nayeon gets your cock ready for your blowbang surprise. 

Once it’s completely hard and standing proud, they look at Jeongyeon. Momo gives her a slight but quick nudge, letting her know that it’s her turn to join. She nods, not wanting the rest of the members to see her service you. Jihyo walks behind her and pushes her, taking a few steps forward. She turns her head, nodding that she doesn’t want to go. Nayeon stood up, grabbed Jeongyeon’s hand, and pulled her to where she was. 

With both of them on their knees, Jeongyeon sees your massive cock in front of her. 

Nayeon looks at Jeongyeon’s face and points at herself, signaling that she’ll be the first to go. Jeongyeon, who is frozen, watches as Nayeon lifts your cock and goes straight for your balls. She uses her long tongue and gets every inch of your sack covered with her salvia. 

She turns to Jeongyeon and pulls her, letting her know to join her. Jeongyeon, who is now in front of you, takes your cock and repeats the same thing that Nayeon just did. 

“I know that was Nayeon earlier, but who’s this?”

The members giggle at the sight of Jeongyeon licking your back sack.”

“Now his cock” Nayeon nudged at Jeongyeon.

Jeongyeon holds your cock with her left hand and slowly inserts the tip into her mouth. She circles her tongue around your mushroom tip, making you twitch slightly. The members are surprised at how willingly she is taking your cock, without her usual complaints. 

Suddenly Jeongyeon feels someone hold the back of her head and push it down against your cock. Jeongyeon gags instantly, feeling your whole length go up her throat. 

She feels your cock’s reaction, throbbing at the sound of someone struggling to handle your length. 

“What the hell! Who was it?”

She turns around and sees the members giggling amongst each other. Nayeon taps Jeongyeon’s shoulder, “Don’t worry about it; let’s keep on going.”

The two of them start where they left off, Nayeon with the balls and Jeongyeon with your shaft. They switch every go often, making sure that none of your areas are left unattended. 

After a few minutes, Jihyo walks up to them and taps them on the shoulder, signaling that their time has run out.

With the two oldest members walking back to the group, they see Momo and Sana step up and walk towards you. 

They smile at Nayeon and Jeongyeon, knowing that it might be their fault that you didn’t cum. 

The first one to get on their knees is Sana, who immediately goes for a kiss. She puckers her soft lips and kisses your mushroom head. From that single kiss, you knew who it was and tried to call her name, but before you did, you felt someone’s mouth pressed against your balls.

You feel the person’s mouth spread wide open, and take one of your balls into their mouth. They twist and turn their tongue, making sure every part of your balls is covered in their salvia. 

Another pair of hands approach you, grabbing your shaft and giving it a few strokes. Their soft and thin fingers make your cock excited. You then sense a pair of lips kissing your cock once more, this time the tip to the shaft, before hearing, “Itadakimasu!”

“Is that you, Sana?”

The members giggle once more at Sana getting caught. You try to respond but are overwhelmed by the feeling of your cock scraping the back of Sana’s throat. 

Out of nowhere, you feel Sana pull out and whine, “Hey, I’m not done yet.” 

“Too bad.” 

You could tell that it was Momo because she didn’t wait to devour your cock. She bobs her head, making loud slurping noises.

“Momo unnie is an expert at sucking,” says the youngest.

“Not a surprise since she likes to eat,” replies Dahyun.

“I’m better,” responds Chaeyoung.

“Haha, sure you are,” says Jeongyeon in a mocking voice.

“Just wait and see when it’s my turn.” 

“Oh, Chaeyoung is serious,” says Nayeon.

Momo continues to bob her head but listens to the member’s conversation. She laughs at the idea of competition but knows that she and Sana were the winners by getting pumped full of cum directly. 

“Momo-yah, don't you think it’ll be hard to make him cum after draining him earlier?”

“Maybe, let’s see how the others go.”

“Okay.”

Both Momo and Sana stand up, leaving your cock oozing a mixture of precum and Momo’s thick saliva on your cock.

Up next is Jihyo; she grabs and pulls Mina, who looks nervous. “Let’s do it together, us mommies.”

Jihyo takes off her top, revealing her large tits. “Let’s have some fun.” She places your cock between her tits and presses them together. You immediately know who’s tits are by the size and softness. 

Jihyo looks at Mina, “Us mommies need to know how to pleasure our baby daddy.” She uses her spit as lube to stroke your cock with her tender breasts.

“Fuck… that feels nice.” 

Jihyo smiles, looks at Mina, and whispers, “Spray some of your milk on his cock.” Mina then lifts her shirt up and undoes her bra, dropping it on the floor. She cups both her breasts and hovers on top of your cock, giving them a firm squeeze. 

Mina’s sweet milk comes out and sprays both Jihyo's chest and tits. Jihyo continues the stroking of your cock, adding a thin layer of milk on you. Without instruction, she stands up and decides to feed you. She whispers in your ear, “Please open your mouth, oppa.” 

You nod and slightly open your mouth with your tongue sticking out. Mina grins at your submissive state. She creates a small ball of salvia and drops it on the back of your mouth, tricking you. 

“What is this?”

There’s no response; instead, you feel a small drop of warm liquid hit the tip of your tongue. The taste is familiar, something you’ve experienced before. 

“Mina?”

A stream sprays your face, and you open your mouth, wanting more. Enjoying your reaction, she decides to squeeze her tit a bit more, aiming the stream of milk coming out her nipple into the back of your tongue. 

Hearing the voices of the members, Jihyo looks up and sees Mina feeding you. She stands up and goes to the other side, “Can I join?”

”Yeah.”

She grabs one of her tits with both hands, aims it towards your mouth, and gives it a hard squeeze. You feel a bigger stream hit your face and mouth, to the point of almost drowning. The members laugh as they see you struggling with the amount of milk from both mommies. 

You don’t know how much time passed, but your stomach is completely full. You sit on the chair exhausted, “seems like we did our work. Let’s give the younger ones a chance.”

The next one to step forward is Dahyun after getting pushed by Chaeyoung. She hesitates to walk and turns to the members, who give her a thumbs up. She turns back at you and approaches you slowly. 

Dahyun, who is now on her knees, pokes at your standing cock. It reacts to her touch, twitching lively. She grabs your cock with her right hand and gives it a firm grip, barely able to connect her fingers together. 

You realize who it is as she’s always struggling with your cock, but that’s one of the things you love about her. “I know those hands anywhere, I know that’s you, Dahyun.” She continues to stroke you with the use of her small hands.

After getting you hard again, she slaps her soft cheeks, leaving traces of precum on it. Dahyun pulls down her top and decides to copy what the two previous mommies did and cover you with their milk. She massages her breasts, preparing her milk glands to get emptied. 

Dahyun presses her tits together with your hard cock in the middle, “Fuck Dahyun, you’re breasts are so soft. They are truly the definition of tofu.”

After stroking your cock with her tits she stops, positioning her breasts and giving one of them a firm squeeze. 

The members see the definition of white hit the tip of your cock. Dahyun’s milk is the purest out of all of them just like her pale skin. She continues to squeeze, emptying one breast before taking your cock into her mouth. 

She uses her long tongue to clean the milk meant for her daughter from your shaft. You can’t understand how the smallest member has such a long and strong tongue. She continues to lick all the milk when you feel her invade your peehole, “Ahh fuck…”

Dahyun looks at your reaction and focuses on that spot. With the tip of her tongue, she presses down on your pee hole, causing you to release a small amount of precum. She continues to do this until her tongue is completely sore.

“Unnie, it’s our turn.” 

Dahyun turns around and sees Chaeyoung and Tzuyu waiting anxiously. “Alright, you can go.”

The two youngest members don’t waste any time as they swoop in and get on their knees. Chaeyoung’s face looks one of hunger, hungry for some delicious cock. Tzuyu, on the other hand, was really trying to please her daddy in any way she could. 

“Tzuyu-yah, I’m going to show you how to suck some cock.”

Chaeyoung takes your cock in her hand and drops a huge ball of salvia on your rod. She licks her mouth slowly and inserts your cock into her mouth. You feel the tip of your member scrape the top of her throat as it goes down. Like a proper sleeve, her walls massage your cock until it reaches all the way inside. Chaeyoung stays still as she holds her head down, counting how long she can last before her gag reflex kicks in. 

Tzuyu watches in amazement at how quickly Chaeyoung can take control of things. The way she prepares your cock before taking it in and the amount of time she can hold on before gagging is something she wants to do herself someday. 

“Gawk, gawk, gawk.”

Chaeyoung’s gag reflex finally hits, and she releases your cock with a heavy amount of thick saliva oozing out. “F…Fuck… I almost choked on his cock.”

”It’s my turn,” says Tzuyu.

She gets on her knees and grabs your member. Like Sana, she gives it a small kiss before anything else. Tzuyu stands up and takes off her skirt and panties, and sits on your thighs. She grabs your face and begins to kiss you, “Oppa, I love you so much. Love seeing you like this, all bound up. Too bad all the unnies are here or else…” 

She’s cut off when she feels your cock hit her butt, “Oppa, you’re such a bad boy. Jihyo unnie said no penetration but didn’t say anything about grinding.”

Tzuyu places your cock in between her ass cheeks and begins to slowly grind her ass. She can feel the thick veins from your cock, the blood rushing down to your manhood as it’s telling you that it’s close to bursting. 

“Your cock is throbbing so much. Do you really like my ass that much?”

Jihyo walks behind Tzuyu and whispers, “It’s time.”

Suddenly, Tzuyu stops and gets off of you, the binding from your hands unlocked, and you hear Jihyo say, “Babe, stand up, but don’t open your eyes when I take off your blindfold.” 

“Okay, what’s going on?”

The members all kneel down and get in front of you, “Okay, grab your cock and make yourself cum.”

You do what you’re told and grab your cock with your right hand, jerking it rapidly. You can feel your peak reaching after all that teasing, “Oh fuck, I’m going to cum…” 

“Open your eyes and cum!”

You struggle to open your eyes but see multiple silhouettes in front of you. When your vision gets back, you see all the members on their knees with their heads up and some with their tongues sticking out.

”Paint our faces with your baby batter!”

There's no need to hold any longer as a wave of cum explodes on their faces. You paint each and every one of them with a load of hot cum, some on their mouths while others on their eyes and nose. 

“I’m cumming! Make sure that not a single drop falls on the floor.”

”Fuck…”

”Fuck… that was good.”

Some of the members open their eyes and turn to look toward you, and one of them asks, “What did you think, oppa? You like cumming on our faces for your birthday?”

[beneathashadytree]

We need double fish dick sizes /j

And you shall get them nonnie!! I hadn’t thought of them before, but when you sent in this ask I sat down and brainstormed for a hot minute, so here come the headcanons I have about Rafayel’s Lemurian form‼️ NSFW ahead, obviously, monsterfucking tropes (literally nothing is realistic here), and reader is gender-neutral!

To anyone else reading this, my requests are still closed!! These are just my ramblings, or old requests I had🫶🏽

Tip jar!

Masterlist

Now, Rafayel’s Lemurian form has an entirely different lower half, obviously, so it does make sense that finer details of his anatomy change too

I would say that he has two… appendages, not cocks per se, and I’ll explain this in a minute

What does resemble a human cock, is really nothing short of absolutely pleasurably torturous, and would be quite literally physically impossible for a normal human to take

10 inches in length, and that’s just me trying to censor things a little… so yes, no one can take him to the hilt (let’s be —ironically—realistic, people)

Girth is pretty complicated, and here’s why:

He’s got a really wide, flared base, but it’s rather thin there, and then he grows narrow in width until his tip

After the flared base, he’s actually got a rounder circumference, so while the base feels more of a stretch, his actual length is what makes them feel so full once he’s buried inside them

Rafayel’s cock has a delicious upward curve near his tip, and it’s made all the better by the slightly angular curves to the mushroom-head

Bonus points for the thick vein that runs along the underside! It’s almost ridge-like, and pairs perfectly with the slight ridges along the sides

I’m a firm believer in the fact that everything related to Rafayel is insanely pretty, so yes, even his Lemurian cock is bathed in gorgeous shades of deep purple, lavender, and a sweet bubblegum pink that flushes a deeper fuschia when he’s past his breaking point of arousal

Now that we’ve gotten his Lemurian cock out of the way, let’s talk about his second—but no less pleasurable—“member” so to speak

I imagine that he hides both under a well-hidden flap along his tail’s midline, right where his human crotch would be, so once that’s pulled back and his cock coaxed into full hardness, you can find his second tentacle-like cock underneath it

It’s thin, even more so than his human cock, is roughly 12 inches long (not very practical, but nothing about his devastatingly beautiful Lemurian form is) and a lot more flexible than you would think—which is good for its two uses

The first is prepping his beloved to take him, which is definitely no easy feat for anyone

He produces a lot of water-resistant slick there, which can help lubricate them easily in order to make the slide more comfortable for them, but it has the side effect of acting almost as an aphrodisiac, which (if in someone whose body can’t take that) may lead to it being too draining to keep up with him and their combined insanely high libidos at the moment

The second—which ties to the first—is that it makes it easier to curl inside his lover and reach their most pleasurable sweet spot, causing them to naturally gush around him and pull orgasm after orgasm before he could even attempt to slip inside their warmth

Again, Rafayel’s Lemurian form is dictated by his biology more often than not, so it’s no surprise that his cum is thicker (to avoid being washed away) and comes out in copious amounts, all for breeding purposes

The Lemurian race was dying out long before they were threatened by external factors and such, so procreation was a very important part of their mating rituals

You can toss that aside though, because it’s purely biological and will only be determined by whether or not his partner can and/or would want something like that; for Rafayel now it’s simply an instinct to be closer and rut deeper into them, so much so that they can’t tell where he ends and they begin

His cum looks quite pearlescent and actually pretty breathtaking, oddly enough; I truly believe it glimmers a little, especially if you look at it under the moonlight and catch the almost gem-like shimmers in its stickiness

Fair warning, it’s quite salty in terms of taste (though not hazardous in composition; he’s all about safety first you know!) and may be a little too much the first time his lover tries to swallow his release down

But that’s nothing a few kitten licks at his pulsating tip won’t acclimate them to, even if it does earn a strangled, breathy moan from him and him shooting his second load of the night on their tongue 🫶🏽

All in all, having sex or even just foreplay with Rafayel’s Lemurian form is overwhelming in the best ways possible—and definitely not for the faint-hearted!!

Taglist: @vash-yuu @angry-and-yandere @nxx-jordiepord @honestlyjustablog @dawnbreakersgaze @tartartagliaboo @lucis-noctiana @riinari-sa @reika-desu @tikitsune @roll-of-royces @lemonsupernova @loveyoutodeep @belovedof @obiwanmcprobie @kalatipunan @eurekazz @bifedebruxa @thescribeswife @mysticangel123 @xenasolos @jvnluvr @dann-acalle @rin-sv14 @yololesgo @an-ever-angry-bi @semi-orangeapple @lavanderbliss @myturnwhen @winterlvod @carsonology @respitable @stellisangelicus-world @kvsqkiii @bitchynightmarepost @snoozeflare @spotted-salamander @cindywasneverhere @ladyparamount @sncrly0urs @huntersmoon1 @musiclover2119 @girl-who-lives-in-delusion @milktsukii @fromdeepspace-withlove @granddearduck @skriblobz @honeyshoney149 @imhere2dosomething @saerotonins @cantescapethevoid @teewritessmth @lovra974 @straykidz143 @reishuus @xinnn6 @vyntagei @bakahimesama @rafayels-procrastinator @scentisterror @sour-chaos (more in replies!)

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[ambrosiagourmet]

Hey, Kabru and Mithrun spend some interesting time together, don't they?

With Mithrun having just officially premiered in the anime, and a lot of discussions swirling around about him, I've been thinking a lot about that section of the story quite a bit. These chapters - Roasted Walking Mushroom and 6 Days - are some of my favorites. For a lot of reasons, really. Not only are they are a huge turning point for the story as a whole, but they have some excellent character work, and represent an important shift in Kabru and Mithrun's individual arcs and relationship to each other.

The chapters are also kind of a fully contained story arc just on their own, which is an impressive bit of writing, and makes them super fun to analyze. So that's exactly what I'm going to do!

This will be structured as a close reading of chapters 61 & 62, with some asides for additional important context. I'm going to talk a little bit about a reading that I disagree with, but for the most part I just want to focus on how Kabru and Mithrun's relationship progresses during these two chapters. In particular, the ways they both grow from the time they spend together.

Also I just want to quickly note that this isn't written as Ship Content. It's meant to be an analysis of their relationship as presented in the text - layer whatever additional meanings and filters on top of that as you'd like, but please respect that my intent is not to talk about or champion a ship, or frame any of this content as romantic.

So, with that all being said:

How do Kabru and Mithrun help each other?

First of all, I think there are two important pieces of context that inform the Kabru & Mithrun Dungeon Adventure chapters. Both are related to Kabru's state of mind, and both are set up before or during the chapters in question.

The first is the context of what happened just before Kabru and Mithrun fell into the dungeon. Specifically, the events that led Kabru to make them fall.

Kabru, essentially, gives up his life at the end of chapter 55. When he stops Mithrun, and when they both plummet with the collapse of the first floor, he is okay with dying. Mithrun warns him that they will both die if Kabru doesn't let him go, and Kabru accepts this as a worthwhile exchange.

Why?

Well, because he doesn't want the elves to take over the dungeon. Throughout the last 3 chapters, the Canaries have been effective, but they have also been cruel in their efficiency, and they have made it clear that they don't care about collateral damage. They lured people into the dungeon specifically to provoke a violent reaction from it, without regard for who might get hurt by the violence.

What's more, they are keeping important information from Kabru, and he knows it.

He's not just looking for a solution, he's looking for the truth - a truth that he believes that he will only find through conquering the dungeon. With good reason, to be fair! The elves make it very clear that they aren't there to treat the other races on the Island as equals.

So Kabru uses the only tool he has available to him - his own life. It won't get him the truth, but it at least gives a chance for another person from a short-life species (namely, Laios) to earn it in his place.

This dovetails nicely with the more thematic context that's introduced in at the start of chapter 61: the room where he could eat all the cake he wanted.

This place, a place that Kabru never wants to go back to, is a place where he is safe, and a place where he is ignorant. A place where he is sheltered from danger, but also from the truth. The same place the Island would become, if the Canaries had their way. He doesn't just want to be safe, and he doesn't even just want the world to be safe, though he does want to be able to protect people from what happened in Utaya.

But he doesn't just want to entrust that safety to the paternalism of the elves (especially since he is all too aware of the ways they can fail, or the people they are willing to sacrifice in the name of that "safety"). He wants to be given the agency to seek safety and peace for himself.

He wants to understand. And he wants the chance to act.

This is the context we have, going into the arc of 61 & 62. But before I talk about how the chapters build on this context, I want to take a step back and look at what else the chapters establish early on, before delving into their exploration of Kabru's agency.

First of all, I kind of want to challenge the framing of Kabru and Mithrun's relationship as solely that of a caretaker and his charge.

Obviously, Kabru is forced into a caretaker position - at the threat of his friend's safety, no less. (Okay, it's actually Toshiro and Namari that are being held, but still. There are hostages involved in this) But I do think it's important that Mithrun isn't the one who puts Kabru in this position - Cithis is.

Before this conversation, Kabru and Mithrun are already exploring the dungeon together. Mithrun doesn't threaten Kabru, or force his hand. He kind of just assumes that Kabru will join him. It's rude, and not particularly respectful, but given the dangers of navigating a dungeon alone, I don't think that's really an unreasonable assumption. And it certainly isn't the same as Cithis' approach.

If they were left alone with no intervention, they probably would have ended up in a similar position to the one that Cithis leveraged them into. Kabru is smart, and he could have figured out the things that Mithrun needed help with. And, to be clear, those are things that Mithrun needs help with not because he is selfish or thinks they are owed to him, but because he is disabled. It's not unreasonable for him to need that help, and it's not unreasonable for Kabru to provide it, under the circumstances.

Besides, they both need each other down there. Kabru wouldn't have survived without Mithrun - he doesn't know enough about monsters, and isn't familiar with the deeper dungeon's layout. And Mithrun wouldn't survive without Kabru - he isn't able to notice his basic needs and would burn himself out without food or rest, making him an easy target for the monsters he could otherwise take care of on his own.

Aside from both needing each other, another interesting layer to their relationship, which is established right away, is that Kabru doesn't have to - and literally cannot - put on a mask of social niceties around Mithrun. He can't suck up. It doesn't work.

So Kabru, who spends so much of his time concerned with how others perceive him, and who compromises his own comfort in order to become the most appealing version of himself at any given time, has that tool taken away. He has to help Mithrun, but notably, he can only help Mithrun to a certain point. He cannot compromise his open and honest feelings to help maintain someone else's view of the world - or at very least, it doesn't benefit him at all to do so.

Instead, they sit together, in the same position, share the same shitty mushroom dinner, because they both have to:

And that's notable, too. They both have to. Cithis' demand is most specific about the need to eat. Three meals a day! But this is something they both need, not just Mithrun.

Still, their relationship at this point still isn't exactly supportive, or even respectful. Kabru may have realized that he didn't need to keep up an act around Mithrun, but ya know, he still turns around an immediately try to, with that shitty mushroom dinner.

(The 'badly drawn shapeshift Kabru' gag here isn't just funny, imo, it's also a reminder of the thing he JUST LEARNED. Mithrun is immune to the Kabru smile anime sparkles filter.)

Mithrun also doesn't tell Kabru any helpful information at this point, and doesn't really put much effort into helping him at all. He slaps him awake out of a Nightmare, and treats him with the same disregard he did at the start of the chapter, focused entirely on moving ahead.

But then Mithrun collapses, and the current structure of their relationship collapses with him.

I think it's interesting here that the shift in their dynamic also includes Mithrun explicitly noticing Kabru's desires. Obviously it's not actually like some kind of I truly see you and recognize your humanity moment shared between them, but I do still like the way that it pulls Kabru's internal wants to the surface. Kabru not voicing his desires doesn't mean they don't exist, and Mithrun recognizes that the same way the dungeon does.

And then Mithrun does, in fact, grant one of Kabru's deepest desires. He tells Kabru the truth.

Just like how they are working together in the first place, this truth is as much a necessary concession to survival as anything. But that doesn't mean it's not impactful for Kabru. This is the thing that every other elf in his life has kept from him. A secret foundational to his core belief that long-life and short-life species can never come to mutual understanding.

And Mithrun isn't just giving him the bare minimum information here. What he shares isn't just a truth, it's his truth. It's a level of complete and total vulnerability that few people share with each other. And again - some of this may just be coincidence and necessity. I imagine Mithrun is so open, at least in part, because he doesn't have the same barriers that other people do when it comes to sharing these things.

But, then again... we see Mithrun at his most vulnerable and empathetic when he is talking to dungeon lords & potential dungeon lords, and trying to convey to them the truth of the trap they are walking into.

This face:

Is very similar to this face:

These are some of the few instances that we see Mithrun emote in this way, and his story does come just after he notices the dungeon responding to Kabru's desires.

But, no matter if Mithrun's openness is in response to Kabru being tangled in the dungeon's hunger, or just part of his nature (or, maybe, a little of both), his story changes things for Kabru. It gives him the chance to make actual choices, now that he understands the truth. It gives him a chance at agency in the story.

And he immediately turns around and uses some of that agency in an interesting way:

When asked about why he can't sleep, Mithrun says he needs to be magically compelled. Being magicked to sleep is simple, and it is efficient, but he doesn't even just say it's the best option. He seems to believe it is the only option.

So much in Mithrun's recovery has been framed through how it will let him fight the demon. Recover so that you can return to the dungeon. Sleep so that you can return to the dungeon. Eat so that you can return to the dungeon.

But rest, much like eating, isn't just about achieving the bare minimum required for efficiency. And as Senshi would probably say, the easiest path isn't always the best.

I don't think that the Canaries are intentionally running Mithrun ragged or anything, but as I mentioned earlier, they are very focused on efficiency, with little thought spared to what is lost or hurt in the process.

And there is something different about Mithrun's time with Kabru in the dungeon. Lycion even notes it, when they finally connect back up.

I don't think it's a huge leap to say that how Mithrun falls asleep here is emblematic of that difference. When Kabru helps Mithrun to sleep by massaging his feet, rather then using magic, he is explicitly taking a step beyond the minimum. He is providing comfort to a body that has been given only necessities for a long, long time.

These two events - Mithrun sharing the truth of the dungeon with Kabru, and Kabru choosing to help Mithrun to sleep through a foot massage - shift their relationship. There's a clear difference in how we see them treat each other, and especially in how Mithrun treats Kabru.

Before, Kabru provides food that he has gathered himself (okay, it was a mushroom he put his foot through on floor one, but the point still stands that Mithrun offered no help at all with getting food).

Afterwards, they gather food together.

Before, Mithrun teleports Kabru towards a monster, using him as a weapon when he can't find anything else.

Afterwards, he helps Kabru escape monsters, and fights them directly.

Before, he slaps Kabru awake after 5 hours of uncomfortable, Nightmare-filled sleep. A rest which, notably, Kabru didn't even intend to take for himself.

Afterwards, we see Mithrun keeping watch while Kabru sleeps in a bedroll.

I don't necessarily think that all of these things are choices that Mithrun consciously makes. Like, after 6 days, Kabru would have to get some actual sleep eventually, and Mithrun would pretty obviously have to keep watching during that time.

Nonetheless, there's still a difference in how these scenes are framed, and the fact that it is these things that are used to portray their journey together. Kabru is not the sole person providing food and sleep and safety - they provide these things for each other. Kabru eats alongside Mithrun, hunts alongside Mithrun, and he sleeps in the same way we see Mithrun sleep, laying down and resting deeply enough to be groggy when woken up.

What's more, during their time together, there are even a couple of instances of Kabru being more willing to care for himself and accept care. The sleeping is one example - note how he is surprised at having slept "that long" when told he was asleep for less than even the minimum recommended amount of nightly sleep - but I think the pattern of his eating is even clearer. In making sure that Mithrun eats regularly, he is forced to eat regularly too.

And I especially like the progression with the Barometz meal. After Mithrun has fallen asleep, Kabru thinks about wanting to "give [Mithrun] something nice to eat," but also notes that Mithrun's lack of desire "means there isn't even anything he wants to eat." So what does Kabru do?

He makes Mithrun something that he wants to eat.

I've already talked a bit about the ways that Dungeon Meshi depicts people finding support through "borrowing" the desires of the people who care for them, and I think this scene is a great example of that idea. Especially in the way that it pulls an expression of desire from Kabru, who is so prone to ignore his own hunger and needs. The meal may not end up anywhere close to the flavor intended, but it's still a far cry from the roasted walking mushroom.

All of these pieces come together at the end of chapter 62, resulting in a pivotal choice that could only happen because of the ways Kabru and Mithrun have, at least a little bit, grown closer to each other.

As they are preparing to leave, Kabru hears a bell ringing in the dungeon, just as he hears Toshiro's matching bell on the other side of the portal. Realizing Laios is nearby, Kabru hesitates. He knows the truth about the demon, and how he has a chance to act on it.

Cithis, the person who extorted Kabru into taking care of Mithrun in the first place, pushes for Mithrun to follow along with the plan.

(okay a quick aside here I just want to say I do love Cithis and I'm not trying to bash on her here. I just think it's interesting that she is the one to establish the terms of Mithrun & Kabru's cooperation, as well as the one who tells Mithrun to leave the dungeon at the end of the chapter)

But Mithrun doesn't go along with her command. Instead, he does something unexpected:

He asks what Kabru wants to do.

In contrast to Milsiril's smothering comfort,

and in contrast to his Mithrun's own assumption that Kabru will follow him, when they first wake up in the dungeon,

Mithrun follows Kabru's lead.

This, right here, is the change between them. Not only that, but it's a shift in the entire balance of agency in the dungeon. For what might be the first time in a very long time, Kabru - a tall-man - knows the truth, and is acting on it. He makes a huge decision purely on his own judgement. He is not trying to appease or coerce anyone, and he doesn't win Mithrun over by hiding his true intentions.

Rather, it's the honesty between them that builds to this moment. Mithrun's honesty earns Kabru's trust, and Kabru's honesty earns Mithrun's respect. They bond not because they are forced to spend time together, but because they choose to spend that time giving each other more than the bare minimum - even when they are both people used to accepting the bare minimum.

It echoes Laios' argument with Toshiro, in a way. They eat three square meals a day (Cithis mandated admittedly), they get plenty of sleep, and in doing these things, they take each other seriously. They treat each other as more than just a means to an end.

I don't necessarily think it's a flawless, unbreakable bond that's built during this time - hell, they both kind of revert back to their old behavior, once reunited with the rest of the Canaries. People don't completely change their habits overnight, after all.

But it is a shift. It's a shift that gives Kabru the chance to steer the story towards the ending he has fought for all his life, and it's a shift that helps Mithrun find a way to move forward after he loses his own reason for living. They reach their goals, and then they step past them - facing life beyond the moments they thought defined their reasons for living. Facing life beyond the bare minimum.

And that is how they help each other.

[rinskazuu]

their voice lines about you, as their lover!

just my fav characters^^

INSPIRED BY @fatuismooches and their “harbingers’ voicelines about you.” they did so well, i loved it. y’all should go check it out!

xiao, itto, tighnari, ayato, ningguang, sara, yanfei, childe, diluc, zhongli, kaeya, beidou, cyno, & al haitham x gn!reader

implied that reader is an immortal/non mortal being in xiao & zhongli's.

cw: fluff. use of they/them pronouns. pet names: you’re mostly referred to as their “lover”, and “my darling” in 2 of them. some of them are slightly ooc, but i already put it in parentheses. i tried my best!

a/n: this is my very first post here, and im kinda nervous because even tho ive been writing for a long time, im still rlly insecure of my work. i removed a couple characters cus it got too long.. but if you guys like it, ill make a part two<3

♡

XIAO

about [name]:

“hm? you want to know about [name]? well… there’s not much to say. what? i’m not blushing!”

chat: meals

“personally, the idea of human cuisine doesn’t delight me much. food isn’t necessary for an adepti but, i do enjoy [name]’s cooking quite a lot. they make the best almond tofu.”

chat: stress

xiao lets out a deep sigh, “[name] is too careless. and while they have such a big heart, they take too many dangerous commissions. on more than one occasion, i had to find them myself, just to see them injured. they claim they didn't call my name, because they don’t want to become a burden but, i… ah, never mind.”

chat: bonds

“hm… [name] and i have known each other for centuries. it really does make me happy seeing them and morax together. ah? he goes by zhongli now…?”

chat: flowers

“flowers? such a distraction... i pay no mind to them. but, i have heard from many mortals that, people in relationships do cherish such gifts. should i pick some for [name]?”

♡

ITTO

about [name]:

“[name]?! you’ve met [name]? they’re so cool right? they’re my best bro, my everything, my one and only! tell me, has [name] said anything about me to you? they said they love me? oh! hm? my cheeks? THEY’RE NOT TURNING RED, it’s just the paint…”

chat: onikabuto

“yeah, i’m the best and number 1 at onikabuto fighting! i always win! well, except when i fight with [name]. somehow, they always win, i don’t know how! they never let me in on their secret too. one day, they will tell me.”

chat: jail

“[name] is great. they bail me out all the time. really, i’m so grateful to have them! they’re fit to be the leader of the arataki gang but, nobody can be the leader except me, arataki itto.”

chat: picnics

“[name] and i always go out for picnics, and then we have an onikabuto fight. even though they always win, i’m happy to be spending time with them. but, you gotta be careful, last time, i spilled some of the juice and [name] got a bit angry. huh? what do you mean i don’t seem like a picnic guy?”

chat: horns

“yeah these babies are painted! i usually paint them but sometimes, [name] helps me cover the spots i can’t. they’re so good at it too. is there anything they’re not good at?”

♡

TIGHNARI

about [name]:

“you’ve met my wonderful lover, i see. yes, [name] often helps around gandharva ville. they do visit frequently, even though they reside in sumeru city.”

chat: sadness

tighnari sighs, “i do miss [name] a lot. i know they come often but, with them being busy working for the akademiya, it does get a little lonely without their presence during the night.”

chat: views

“hm, i’d say gandharva ville has some of the best views in all of sumeru! i take [name] to some of these places and, it lights a smile every time! a lot of beautiful flowers and mushrooms grow here. i do make sure to pick the non-poisonous ones though!”

chat: jealousy

“[name] has such a kind soul, all the forest rangers admire them. how could they not? i’ve never seen them do a bad thing in my entire life! though, it does get frustrating when they stare at them too long… i do admit, i get a little jealous.”

chat: petting

“ah? you want to pet my ears? well… i usually only allow [name] to pet me but, i’m sure they wouldn’t mind either. my tail? hah, now you’re going too far!”

♡

AYATO

about [name]:

“hm? [name]? yes, that is the future head of the kamisato clan. ah, don’t tell them just yet but, i do plan on placing this lovely ring where it rightfully belongs.”

chat: family

“well, with only my sister left of our family, i do cherish her very much. [name] gets along with ayaka quite well. hm, speaking of which, they’re probably spending time together, at this hour.”

chat: work

“aside from being the head of the kamisato clan, my role as a commissioner does get in the way of a lot of things, including spending time with my lover. it’s such a shame. yet, they’re so patient with me. say, traveler, do you think i’m undeserving of [name]?”

chat: bubble tea

“haha, i am quite fond of bubble tea. i request for thoma to get it for me often. somehow, [name] always gets wind of it and steals a couple sips. they probably think they’re sneaky but, i know thoma is always telling them. they’re adorable so, i suppose i can’t be complaining.”

chat: safety

“during the vision hunt decree, [name] was really busy working and it worried me to death. i barely saw them and, unfortunately, i had to ask their close friend, kujou sara. both her and i share concerns over them so, she helped me even though, she was a little reluctant.”

♡

NINGGUANG

about [name]:

“apologies, traveler, i’m a little busy right now. [name]? ah, my lover. well, i suppose i can sit down and have a chat about them for a bit.”

chat: danger

“although i’ve had a couple discussions with the adventure guild about [name]’s dangerous commissions, nothing seems to stop them. of course, they’re very passionate about helping others but, i’m worried they’ll put themselves in danger and i won’t be there to save them. traveler, maybe you can talk to them?”

chat: lunch

“hm yes, [name] and i go out to liuli pavilion a lot. i hear many people of liyue mutter about how jealous they are of them, how easy it is gain my attention and time. though, that does strike up my worry about their safety…”

chat: shopping

“although my job, as the protector of liyue, tends to get me busy, you might find it shocking that i do spend a lot of my time with my lover. we go shopping every week. not that i’d ever let you see but, my closet is filled with clothes that match theirs.”

weather: rain

“agh, the rain is such a bother. on the other hand, [name] is fond of the rain, they often venture during this weather. although i despise it, i suppose i can tolerate it for them. will you be a dear and fetch me an umbrella?"

♡

SARA

about [name]:

"so, you want to know about [name]? i hope for your sake, that you don't have any malicious intentions, but other than that, i'll be happy to talk about them."

chat: loyalty

"yes, i am rather extremely loyal to the shogun. [name]? i assure you that this topic doesn't affect our relationship. despite the fact that i'm not shy to talk about it, i'd rather keep our affairs private."

chat: knitting (ooc? hc)

"huh? knitting... so, [name] told you about that. well, i suppose i can tell you, i do enjoy the simple hobby with them. it tends to release a lot of stress. although, i'm not sure why they spoke about it..."

weather: thunder

"the lightning and thunder is a sign of the shogun's will. i do often announce my loyalty to the shogun but, more times than none, i get aggravated by it. the only other thing that allows me to tolerate it is [name]. they love to huddle up to me and i find it adorable, it really takes my mind off the weather. don't tell them... or you might have to start sleeping with one eye open."

chat: onigiri

"as a warrior in inazuma, it's hard to carry heavy foods with me when i am not home, which is why i ask [name] to make me onigiri. they make it so well, it's packed with flavor and it's easy to carry. i always miss their specialty dishes though."

♡

YANFEI

about [name]:

"have you met [name] yet? you have! hm, the expression on your face tells me the meeting with them was delightful. i'll tell you, being a legal adviser is not easy but seeing their bright face every time i come home, makes it a ton easier. they make me forget about all the civil cases."

chat: comfort

"sometimes, i think i'm good at hiding my facial expressions but the moment i come home and see [name], they know exactly how my day went, or more so what type of day i had. they're exceedingly perceptive and, having a lover like them makes my life a whole lot worthwhile."

chat: late night work

"like i said, being a legal adviser isn't necessarily easy, especially when you have a big case. i spend a lot of nights reading into boring cases, like that will i've recently encountered, however, [name] tends to bring me tea and sit in my home office to comfort me. it often distracts me but, i don't mind."

chat: cooking

"i'm sure i've mentioned how much i love tofu, right? well, [name] makes it ten times better. they spoil me too much, often rewarding me with tofu. i can't cook the way they can. archons, i wonder what i did to deserve such a lover like them."

chat: legal knowledge

"though it may come off as a shock, [name] knew quite a lot about laws before i met them. it wasn't until we got into a relationship, did i know about that. you bet i fell even more in love with them."

♡

CHILDE

about [name]:

"good evening comrade! ah, what am i doing? picking flowers for my darling of course. i see, so you have met [name]. haha, they are truly wonderful aren't they? the more deserving they are of my time to be picking glaze lilies for them then, huh?"

weather: snow

"are you shivering, comrade? this weather is nothing compared to snezhnaya! you really remind of [name]. when i brought them to dragonspine, they were sniffling and whatnot. scared me half to death when a hue of blue took over their face, which is what convinced me to halt my vacation to snezhnaya with them."

chat: sparring

"everything in this world pales in comparison to the thrill of sparring. well, aside from spending time with my lover, of course. speaking of which; they're truly strong. [name] has beaten me every time we've sparred throughout our entire relationship, and they think i'm going easy on them but truth is, i really struggle against them..."

chat: spending

"[name] often scolds me for pampering them with expensive gifts but, i see it as a harmless gesture. of course i'm going to spoil my darling, how could i not?! ah, don't tell them about this one. do you think they'll like it? should i get another ring? i am getting sweaty thinking about their reaction. hm, thank you for the reassurance, comrade."

chat: family

"apart from teucer, [name] hasn't met any of my family yet. i'm fully convinced they'll love them though. they get along really well with teucer, he's even went on to call them an older sibling. it makes my heart swell. nothing brings me more joy than seeing my family and lover getting along."

♡

DILUC

about [name]:

"[name]? of course i've met them, they are my lover after all. so you've heard...? they're a wonderful, kind, and passionate soul. what truly delayed our love was that they're a knight of favonius, a captain no less. but, i've grown to love that part of them as well."

chat: job (slightly ooc?)

"[name] looks wonderful under the dim light of angel's share, don't you think? even though we've been in a relationship for a long time, i will never get used to the way they're always so beautiful. ah, pardon me, i'm being unprofessional."

chat: brother

"tch, kaeya can be quite a bother, honestly. but, [name] always encourages me to reconcile with him. i'm not sure what there is to reconcile... though, i understand they do have only pure intentions."

weather: breeze

"usually, i pay no mind to the weather but, as of late, [name] has taken a keen interest in taking me out to cider lake during the night. it's often windy, sometimes a light breeze will cross us. like usual, they look wonderful under the night's light."

chat: art

"i'm not one to be into art but, it's one of [name]'s hobbies. they spend quite a lot of time indulging in this. everything they've made has been, how do i say this... a masterpiece."

♡

ZHONGLI

about [name]:

"i'm not too understanding of human emotions but, one thing i've grown to recognize is my love for [name]. if you haven't met them, i'd be more than happy to introduce them to you. oh? so, you already have. enlighten me on what you think of them."

chat: gifts

"yet again, i've never quite understood the concept of this human tradition; gifting. [name] has informed me on it and i'd like to get them a present too. what do you think, traveler? something sentimental would suffice."

chat: familial bonds (based off hc, might be a little ooc)

"throughout the millennia i've lived, death has swept past me time and time again. aside from [name], that i met a couple hundred years ago, i've gotten a little attached to xiao, which in turn caused me to keep him closer than i intended. no matter, it fills me with joy to watch xiao open up to someone beside me. [name] tends to have that effect."

chat: tea

"tea is arguably one of the only human invented drinks i can tolerate. it's far better than wine. hm, speaking of which, i often send packages of tea i've acquired to [name]. they seem to love it so, i'd be more than delighted to grace a smile on their lovely face."

chat: painting

"quite like the art of tea, painting is... calming. [name] has been painting for centuries and yet, they have not grown bored of it. i find it astonishing, the way they're easily inspired by the changes of liyue. hm, i do enjoy watching them. sometimes, they would ask me to help them, and who am i to say no to my lover?"

♡

KAEYA

about [name]:

"you're surprised i have a lover? haha, well a lot of people fall for my charm, and it's no different for [name]. though, i was also a little shocked, that somebody could have me wrapped around their finger like they do."

chat: drinking

"often times than not, [name] has dragged me home from angel's share, quite literally. yet, they haven't grown tired of me. i suppose i should stop, for their sake."

chat: intimacy

"[name] and i both work long hours, and even though we pass by each other a lot in the halls of the knights of favonius headquarters, i do miss their touch. recently, [name] has suggested late night dates. that's when we started going out to cider lake to go swimming. the water's cold but, it's nothing either of us can't handle."

chat: secrets

"you want to know my secrets? haha, if i told you then, they wouldn't be secrets anymore, would they? [name]...? well, it's best they don't know about my secrets... for their safety of course."

chat: spare time

"what i do in my free time...? well, i spend it with [name] of course! life would be dull without their presence. i'm often busy, and i drink a lot but, without them, i'd be nothing but a shell of a man. i have [name] to thank for making me a happy person."

♡

BEIDOU

about [name]:

"what do you want to know about [name]? i'm the official [name] guide! they easily make my life like a boat on calm waters. though, i'm always adventuring on the sea, and they're associated with the qixing, we always make time for each other."

chat: souvenirs

"am i that easy to read? well, anyone with the right mind would bring back gifts for their lover, especially if their lover is [name]. they've told me about how much they enjoy the portrait i ordered to be painted for us, even though it's not a souvenir."

chat: sailing

"of course, [name] has been on my boat! it took a lot of convincing and arguing with ningguang to allow her subordinate to take a couple days off... i'd love to take them sailing again one day, but, i suppose i'll have to wait a while before that opportunity comes by again."

chat: occupation

"being a pirate did not make it any less intriguing for [name] to start a relationship with me. initially, it was platonic but, during my time on the sea, i began really feeling the absence of their voice and touch. that's when i really understood my feelings."

chat: drinking

"regardless of the fact that i do hold my alcohol well, i'm afraid [name] has seen me drunk on multiple occasions. they gave me an earful the mornings after. i understand their worries over me so, i drink less now."

♡

CYNO

about [name]:

"you are not the first to be shocked that i have a lover. what? is it because i'm the general mahamatra? my career doesn't often get in the way of our rela- what? it's because of my appearance? what's wrong with it...? ah, i see. i can assure you, [name] is a person who's almost never afraid. they're mostly fascinated by things that seem thrilling, though i advise them to keep themself safe. not like they listen to me..."

chat: desert

"while [name] hadn't originated from the desert, they adapt quite well. occasionally, they have complained about the heat, not that i blame them but, they adjust rather quickly."

chat: rivalry

"hmph, that al-haitham... he doesn't get along with many people, probably because of that awful attitude of his but, unsurprisingly, he and [name] are close. i'm not afraid to lose them to him, no, but rather cautious of him. you can never trust a man like him."

chat: star watching (slightly ooc?)

"i was never a big fan of the stars but, ever since my first encounter with [name], they've always encouraged me to go star watching with them. the sky has hardly any affect on me and even though i agree to tag along, i always spend my time staring at them. they are truly mesmerizing..."

chat: concerns

"i'm confident in [name]'s ability to protect themself but, my title as general mahamatra does worry me regarding their safety. sometimes, i follow them during their adventures to make sure they're alright. what? they've noticed? i- never mind..."

♡

AL-HAITHAM

about [name]:

"apologies traveler but, i am on a time crunch at the moment. [name]? did something happen to them- ah, never mind. your expression is too relaxed for anything bad to have happened to them while i was away. you want to talk about them...? well, ask away, i suppose."

chat: academic

"yes, [name] and i both studied at the akademiya. we were rivals at one point but, somewhere along the way, they had me hooked. looking at it from a much different perspective, i see now, that it was the best thing to have ever happened to me."

chat: knowledge

"nothing halts me from my thirst for knowledge. but, if anything comes close to it, it would be [name]. hm... no, i'd say they're the only one who could. nonetheless, they would never, seeing as they always praise and encourage me."

chat: rivalry

"general mahamatra? i wouldn't be surprised if he wanted [name]. first, after a position he was second best at, and now my lover? i'd like to see that fool try."

chat: reading

"comprehending every aspect of this world and it's secrets is a passion both [name] and i share. i'd have to admit, they're more into the pleasure of sparring over knowledge but, we do often spend our time reading together."

[david-talks-sw]

Dooku didn't leave because of the Jedi.

At least, if you're going by George Lucas' word.

In deleted scenes of Attack of the Clones, when we learn about Dooku's departure and his values, there's no mention of the Jedi or "the Jedi Order as an institution".

And every time Lucas refers to Dooku's disenchantment and reason for falling, he doesn't mention the Jedi.

"When you realize that Dooku is Darth Tyranus, it explains what Darth Sidious did after Darth Maul was killed: he seduced a Jedi who had become disenchanted with the Republic. He preyed on that disenchantment and converted him to the dark side, which is also a setup for what happens with Anakin." - Mythmaking: Behind the Scenes of Attack of the Clones, 2002

"[Dooku is] one of the few Jedi who became disenchanted with the Republic and left the order and he is leading a separatist movement." - Vanity Fair, 2002

"I wanted a more sophisticated kind of villain. Dooku’s disenchantment with the corruption in the Empire is actually valid. It’s all valid.  So, Chris plays it as, 'Is he really a villain or is he just someone who is disenchanted and trying to make things right?'" - Starlog Magazine #300, 2002

He probably meant the Republic/Senate in that last one, but you get the point. And you're seeing the pattern, right?

Dooku's problem isn't the Jedi, it's the Republic.

He's become disenchanted with a system that - according to Lucas' prologue in the 2004 book Shatterpoint - worked for 1,000 years...

"For a thousand years, the Old Republic prospered and grew under the wise rule of the Senate and the protection of the venerable Jedi Knights."

... but has been rendered ineffective because of 1) senators becoming corrupt and 2) corporations gaining political power.

"But as often happens when wealth and power grow beyond all reasonable proportion, an evil fueled by greed arose. The massive organs of commerce mushroomed in power, the Senate became corrupt, and an ambitious named Palpatine was voted Supreme Chancellor."

That's the message Dooku runs on, when he rallies the systems to form the Separatist Alliance.

"By promising an alternative to the corruption and greed that was rotting the Republic from within, Dooku was able to persuade thousands of star systems to secede from the Republic."

The Jedi aren't really a factor in his decision to leave.

Why would they be? Their political status isn't very high, they're virtually powerless, as illustrated by the film's narrative and stated repeatedly by Lucas.

On the contrary, as we already established in this post, Lucas full-on confirmed that Dooku actually carries the sympathies of most of the Jedi. Again:

Most Jedi agree with Dooku, ideologically.

As far as the Jedi are concerned, the politicians are effing up the Republic, and it sucks because the Jedi see this but aren't allowed to interfere in the political process. They have to resort to looking for loopholes in their mandates to actually get stuff done.

That's what that whole "she's a politician" scene is meant to hint at. In the commentary of Attack of the Clones, Lucas uses a similar turn of phrase as he does with Dooku.

"[This scene gives us] a chance to talk a little bit about politics and the Jedi’s disenchantment with the political process, due to the corruption and the ineffectiveness of the Senate." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002

Considering all this, it becomes clear that the intended narrative surrounding Dooku's decision to leave the Order is not:

"The Jedi are dogmatic and asleep at the wheel except for Dooku, who is ahead of the curb and sees the system is flawed, so he left."

It's actually:

"ALL Jedi see the system is flawed, Dooku's the only Jedi who decided to take it a step further and leave the Order so he can try to get into politics himself and change things."

That's why they hesitate to accuse him of murder.

That's why in an earlier draft of the Attack of the Clones script, by the end of the second act, Mace STILL has his doubts that Dooku would sign a treaty with the Trade Federation to attack the Republic.

As far as the Jedi are concerned, Dooku is out there fighting the good fight, making noise because whenever they try to protest it falls on deaf ears... until his betrayal on Geonosis.

After all, let's not get it twisted: the Dooku we're introduced to in the films and The Clone Wars, isn't really just Dooku anymore.

He's Darth Tyranus.

A point Lucas makes sure to highlight in his Shatterpoint prologue:

"Unbeknownst to most of his followers, Dooku was himself a Dark Lord of the Sith, acting in collusion with his master, Darth Sidious, who, over the years, had struck an unholy alliance with the greater forces of commerce and their private droid armies."

It's not about doing the selfless thing for Dooku, anymore. He's knowingly part of the problem.

He's all about ambition, now. His personal goals are things like overthrowing Sidious and becoming the most powerful Jedi.

"[Anakin's] ambition and his dialogue here is the same as Dooku’s. He says “I will become more powerful than every Jedi.” And you’ll hear later on Dooku will say “I have become more powerful than any Jedi.” [...] It is possible for a Jedi to want to become more powerful, and control things." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002

"If you put two Sith together, they try to get others to join them to get rid of the other Sith. [When revealing the truth to Obi-Wan], Dooku's ambition is really to get rid of Darth Sidious. He's trying to get Obi-Wan's assistance in that and help in that, so that he and Obi-Wan could overthrow Sidious and take over." - Attack of the Clones, Commentary Track 2, 2002

Y'know? Selfish things.

Dooku - like all other Sith, and like the very corporations and Senators he had sworn to destroy - is consumed by his own greed.