#and i also swear im writing
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forever cursed to write readers & ocs who would sacrifice everything, including themselves, to see their lovers safe.
#willow with eddie#aruna with astarion#there is no other ending to these stories#they would die if it meant just one moment of peace in the sun for the men they love#and it’s the way these men can’t allow it#the constant battle of eddie and astarion trying to convince them that what they want and need is *them*#there is always a trio#and there is always that third wheel who will have to watch helplessly as my oc loses herself/sacrifices it all#it probably says a lot about the way i love#the way i want to be loved#oh well#also i’m checking my inbox today i swear#and i also swear im writing#i took a break from posting my writing in june so i can get ahead in the fics
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not edited, just need to cup art donaldson's face while he fucks you. pretty boy would nuzzle his cheek against your palm. the second you begin praising him, he can't hold back the tears in watery eyes, feeling them slip down his face, staining his cheeks. the tip of his nose would turn pink, hearing his little sniffles while he gently bucks his hips up into you.
whenever you tell him he's good, or how much you love him, he hiccups out the most pathetic, sad, soft little "yeah?" while staring up at you desperately, needing your validation to live. pulling your wrist to his mouth, kissing up your arm, whimpering into your skin, squeezing his eyes shut as he lets more tears fall.
#his tears are a good thing#dont worry#he's just not used to being held and praised#you must cuddle him when youre done#also#i am so inconsistent#but i swear im trying to start writing again#sage's drabbles❣#art donaldson#art challengers#art donaldson x reader#art donaldson x you#art donaldson smut#art donalson x reader#challengers smut#challengers x reader
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@chunkypossum
#ERIS IM SORRY#realized this while drafting my Eris week fics#gonna be a rough week for him#eris vanserra#erisweek2024#also#azris#azriel#I love them I swear#angst#writing#fanfiction#sjm#acotar#writer things#pro eris vanserra#pro azriel#pro azris#I’m making myself so sad#I love it#writers on tumblr#blorbo
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Unpleasant Revelations - DPxDC Ficlet Idea for the Stillborn Au
"Have you met my youngest, Damian, Mr. Masters?"
Its only from twenty years of long, hard experience and practice that Vlad doesn't increase the room temperature from 'borderline uncomfortably cool' to 'unbearably hot' the moment Bruce Wayne pulls his youngest and "only" biological son out in front of him.
He puts only in quotations because twelve year old Damian Wayne looks scarily, uncannily like one Daniel Brown. Jack and Maddie's foster son, second victim of their foolishness, and only other halfa in existence. Second only to him.
It's nauseating how similar they look. From the scowl and terrible glare on the young boy's face, to his brown skin -- which was only a few shades lighter than Daniel's, the shape of his nose, and even the strange winged edge of his eyebrow. Something that Vlad has long since come to find endearing on the child he considered a son of his own. The only difference was that Damian had dark, sharp green eyes.
Daniel's eyes were blue. The same glacier shade as his father's, who stood behind Damian with a proud, oafish smile on his visage.
It was infuriating how similar they look. Vlad might not have rapidly swung the room temperature from one extreme to the other, but he can't stop himself from letting the fury burning within his core from slipping out and raising the temperature up a few degrees.
Because it really only meant one thing.
Damian Wayne and Daniel Brown were related.
Damian Wayne and Daniel Brown were brothers.
Standing in front of him, it was clear as day. He can already picture a phantom image of Daniel standing beside Damian, the same scowl written on his face, the same glare carved into his eyes. The only difference being the dark, exhausted circles beneath them that seemed to be permanently painted onto his skin. The only thing missing being the permanent loneliness and vigilance permeating his being like a scar.
This, if revealed, would be enough to ruin Bruce Wayne's reputation. Or, at the very least, darken it quite a bit. The great philanthropist Bruce Wayne with another secret blood child? One related to his youngest? One that had been put into foster care? Seemingly thrown away?
It would be a firestorm.
One that Vlad is not keen on starting.
It would ruin Bruce Wayne's reputation, yes. But it would hurt Daniel in the process -- the harassment he would face alone might just be enough to break that fragile child completely. That was just not something he could allow. Or, even worse, bring him into his biological father's care and custody -- something Vlad was even less willing to allow.
It's not out of kindness to Wayne that Vlad will keep mum about this.
His grip on his champagne flute tightens, just a bit. He's still aware enough of the world around him to not let it shatter in his hands. His plastered, pleasant smile tightens around the corners, and he forces his focus to slide from Damian to Wayne.
"The resemblance is uncanny, Mister Wayne." He says, slanting his smile to the side slyly. Although he's not talking about the resemblance between Wayne and his son. Rage simmers beneath his skin, burning coal and embers in the core of his chest, nestled between his lungs, as he meets the man's eyes.
Wayne swaggles his head proudly, his ditzy smile widening as he squeezes his son's shoulder affectionately. Bastard, Vlad wants to spit.
He breathes in through his nose, and exhales out through his mouth. The champagne in his hand cools, and stops its unusual bubbling.
The Damian boy scoffs under his breath, his mouth still coiled upward into a scowl. With the revelation of his blood relation to Daniel evident, Vlad's not sure if he should find it endearing or not.
He is not Daniel, so he decides that it's just simply irritating. He decides to ignore it.
"And you said he was your only biological son?" He asks, voice lilting and head tilting. He knows its a suspicious question at worst, insulting at best. But considering Wayne's past proclivities, he can hardly call it an unexpected question.
Damian puffs in great offense, face twisting angrily. It reminds him of Daniel when Vlad insisted that he was wrong about something or other, and for a moment his heart swells, fond.
But this is not his child, and so the feeling quickly crashes and burns, simmering back into rage. This was not Daniel -- this was his replacement. A replacement that Wayne was free to keep.
Wayne chuckles, idiotically, as if he'd said some funny joke. Vlad's other hand, the one gripping his cane -- something he's required ever since he was dispatched from the hospital all those lonely years ago -- tightens instead. He grinds his teeth -- him and Jack Fenton would get along like a house on fire, he hates it.
"I can understand why you'd ask that, Mister Masters," Wayne says, squeezing Damian's shoulder again, "but yes, Damian is my only biological son. Although that doesn't mean I don't love my other children any less."
Bastard.
For all his posturing and flouncing about caring for his city and his children, Vlad never would have thought the Prince of Gotham capable of abandoning one of them.
But, well.
They all have their dark secrets.
And what one man throws away, another man picks up. If Bruce Wayne didn't want the treasure child that was Daniel Brown, then Vlad Masters was more than happy to take him instead.
"I see."
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc ficlet#dpxdc fanfic#i was hit with this idea two hours ago and was hit with the intrinsic need to write it down#parental vlad masters#protective vlad masters#vlad is currently going 'OH? OH YOU ABANDON AND REPLACE **MY** SON??? MURDER. DEATH. BEES UPON YOUR FAMILY'#but he's also still like. evil. much less of a creep! but evil. so he comes off a bit possessive. which was intentional.#vlad's reaction is kinda valid if it was accurate and bruce DID willingly and knowingly abandon danny. except he didn't. he has no idea#danny is even alive. vlad doesn't know that tho. we all love a good reasonable misunderstanding :]#hc that vlad needs a cane as a human because the ecto-acne that killed him fucked his nerves up a bit as a result and now he's got a bad le#and is also immunocompromised. which had a slight hand in his 20 year isolation thing.#stillborn? no still born au#stillborn danny au#stillborn danny#vlad masters#this may or may not be canon to the au im still thinking about it#vlad acknowledges that danny is formiddable but he's also not wrong that a media shitstorm like that would hurt him considerably.#diamonds are the toughest known material to man and yet it still shatters like glass when put under pressure. vlad's right he's fragile#ummm anyways yeah Vlad finds out first and promptly decides to go 'oh okay so fuck you personally actually. keep your replacement child'#he has No Plans on telling Danny what he learned mostly for the obvious selfish reasons and also bc yeah. this is gonna hurt danny#ITS NOT FUN IF IT ISNT A LITTLE TOXIIIIC#i absolutely know that vlad only swears in deserts which is why its important that i have him call bruce wayne a bastard directly.
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ok I'm just gonna elaborate on my opinion that the remake of "Cloudy…with a chance of murder" is The Most Evil And Fucked Up Thing Psych Creators Could Ever Do Because Of The Bike Scene Removal y'all remember the "I've been thinking about getting a car" speech right. But let's take a step back and talk about the bike.
The bike symbolizes Shawn's freedom, independence, and in the "Cloudy…" it is implicitly taken by his own father ( which I'm letting go. for now), and in the end a bunch of people prepared to get it back for Shawn, but who gets there first? Lassiter. And it would be SO easy to play it off by having Lassie say something like "I got you your bike back so you could drive the fuck away from my police station", or "you helped me out before so I feel obligated to repay you, now we're even", but no. Lassie's reaction is genuine embarrassment when people found out he got the bike, because it was purely a nice gesture. A nice gesture for Shawn, whom he "hates". So what I'm saying is. metaphorically. Lassiter gives Shawn back all the independence and freedom, because despite all Shawn's antics, he sees him and accepts him for who he is, with all his bullshit, doesn't fall for his lies and literally embraces the deception and rolls with it for eight more seasons, with occasional Gotta Call Him On His Bullshit To Keep Him In Shape. This scene encapsulates the progress of the dynamic between Lassie and Shawn and it's the foundation for their future relationship, where they know they can trust and rely on each other, despite everything. So again, removing it in the remake was a literal crime against humanity and me specifically because it basically erases part of Lassie's character
#psych#psych tv#I'm gonna write a whole ass scientific paper about the significance of transport in psych i swear to god#bc obviously we have the blueberry that's tied to gus#and we have the car that shawn stole#WHICH ALSO THE CAR THAT INDIRECTLY WAS THE REASON LASSIE AND SHAWN FIRST SAW EACH OTHER#and the thing about Shawn's monologue with jules. is that he does get a car#which is also the car that he stole all those years ago#which again#tied to his first meeting with Lassie THEY ARE MEANT TO BE-#anyway#that car can be! driven! by! two! people!#and of course he drives it with gus. of course#but who else also gets to be in the front sit?#SBPD chief Carlton J. Lassiter#they are DRIVING. TOGETHER. THE CAR. THAT SHAWN GOT. ALL THOSE YEARS GO. BUT “ROAD” IS LIFE. AND THEY`RE TOGETHER. DRIVING.#DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN. DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT#anyway im done. carlton and shawn are kismet in every conceivable way ty for coming to my ted talk
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Not to sound like a boomer on main, because I love my phone- I do. But I really miss the day when I could hang out in public without having to hear everyone else's phones. I don't care if there are babies crying (because babies cry sometimes) or if other people are having conversations (because that's what people come to cafes and such to do) but hearing tinny little phone sounds blasting out loud out of their speakers drives me insane. I'm only in my 30's, why are you making me complain about how things were "back in my day" like I'm 80? Public phone noise is prematurely aging me. Send help.
#Complaining#Like an old lady#I'm not I swear#But also- Back in my day#*shakes fist at sky*#It's giving “Old man screams at cloud”#I am the old man#Only Im not a man Im a woman and instead of screaming at clouds im slowly having my sanity stolen by people watching videos on their phones#out loud in public spaces#Can we normalize not doing this?#Use headphones or something#Please- I beg of you#technology#cafe#coffee shop#writing#im just trying to write a fun little story i don't care whats happening on your phone#keep it to yourself
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doodles from varying times :] kicking my feet and giggling. put your hand in my cage youre safe :]
#hehehhe i love it when they get to be weird and scary (see: fucked up upsidedown chilchuck)#also the orpheus thing. hear me out okay.#how do i explain to people who dint think about chilaios about the endless trust and betreyal cycle themes. fuck!!#oh well it doesnt matter if i say it here youll get it soon cause im tempted to write a short meta for the two of them#clutches my head. YOURE GONNA GET IT I SWEAR!!!#anyways#chilaios#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#laios#laios touden#uhhh sure ill put it in the main tags why not#dungeon meshi#aaaand#[ tragedy au ]#if you can even figure out which ones are part of it HAHAHA#tragedy comedy
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im struggling to balance writing and doodling but im managing nonetheless
also!! i just finished writing myself a little list of events that will happen for the last half of the au, so everythings basically plotted out i just gotta take the time to write it coherently. pray for me
the first half i got to fuck around but now ive gotta take it seriously, so sad </3 but its okay cause once its over i can just doodle silly things about everything and even redraw some of my old concepts
double also... i mightve had an idea a while ago for a small spinoff... i might talk more about it another time...
oh and heres a scuffed reference i made a little while ago for Henry's ability if anyone wanted to know what it looks like as of chapter 6
#bendy#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the ink machine fanart#batim#batim fanart#bendy and the dark revival#bendy and the dark revival fanart#batdr#batdr fanart#bendy au#batim au#batdr au#henry stein#sammy lawrence#buddy boris#twisted alice#cycle 360 au#im so excited to keep writing#ive been procrasting but i swear ill do it!!#also chapter 7 is already written im just waiting for my buddies to read it first#so that im not delivering you guys a steamy bowl of garbage
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seeby s1 dino gaang :)
#look i swear i can also draw atla stuff that isn't dinos#i just. dont have any ideas for that ahdnhsjf#HINT HINT INBOX OPEN SUGGESTIVE EYEBALLS LOOKING SIDEWAYS EMOJI#who said that#no but really if the dino au is getting me drawing again then fuck it#woe dinos be upon ye#yknow im trying to write a fic for it#it's not going well agejhdjg#but! there is zuko whump :)#so it's all i could ever ask for agjdhjf#atla#atla dino au#ALSO IM. please appreciate the bush the right of and behind sokka. it's so sexy i forgot how to draw bushes after that one
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guys im getting cloras hairclip commissioned and was just sent pics AND IT LOOKS SO GOOOOOOD!!!! 😭😭😭crying pissing shitting throwing up
I FEEL LIKE THE LEONARDO DICAPRIO POINTING AT THE TV MEME.... LIKE HEY!! THATS THE THING!! ITS REAL!!! ill never actually wear it myself but i love collecting cool and sentimental trinkets AAA (thank you to Joinhas on etsy!!) now i just need to buy these official harry potter plushies and my seb and clora merch will be complete
i wanna buy these and swap their scarves💖🥹 (this is what having dogshit selection of official merch does to a person LMFAO....sometimes u just gotta make your own...😔🙏) (due to request, here's clora's hairclip ref, in case anyone else is thinking about commissioning one!)
#i will buy those plushies eventually whenever i feel insane enough to spend $130 canadian dollars on 2 stuffed animals plus shipping LMFAO#which probs wont take long#Ive even considered looking for luna plushies and just drawing a mole on the cheek and pretending its clora LMFAOO#but yea ive never actually finished writing a longfic before so the fact that im gonna have an almost 600k word story under my belt#itll be nice to have cloras hairclip as a nostalgic thing/an achievement bahaha especially for when i move on to other fandoms#NEVER FORGET#MY WIFE CLORA IS ETERNAL#also unrelated but i have so many asks to get to i swear im not ignoring yall#choccyfanart
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I accidentally drew a fanfic idea before I've even started the fanfic.... it got a little out of hand
Anyway here's some stobotnik on a government mandated vacation ❤️ 💜 (feat. the Wachowskis trying and failing to have a peaceful honeymoon)
#stobotnik#agent stone#dr eggman#jimbotnik#tom wachowski#maddie wachowski#sonic movies#i swear im still working on metal & stone lol#buuuuut i also want to write this one T~T#PLEASEE fullscreen for quality tumblr hates art fr
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jhgnngggn i’m back to thinking about post-nrc yuusha and jamil--- extremely long ramble below prepare for uh angst??? i guess???
i buried some of these lore in the tags somewhere but anyways-
yuusha and jamil exchanged hair ties when they separated and went off on their own post-nrc as a way to "remember each other by".
they both have different plans for their own futures despite wanting to be "together"— whatever that means. yuusha stayed at nrc working as staff and jamil is out travelling.
at this point though they STILL never officially “dated” but oh they were so so close SO many times to putting a label on it.
“what happened then” <- idk man they’re incredibly stupid. yuusha is still horribly noncommittal and jamil is- jamil. (“…the hell does that mean” <- SHHHH i will not elaborate)
they ended as just "really good friends" (something something on they’re on the spectrum of queerplatonic but they didn’t understand that that was the case) .
━━━━━━✦
at first they did well keeping in touch from a long distance—
yuusha never forgets to check in on jamil, texting/calling whenever possible, she was always the first to initiate.
and jamil still would’ve made the same effort of course, but yuusha always beats him to it. he sort of just expected her check-ins every day.
and he looks forward to that 1-15 notifications that he gets as soon as he wakes up. it does get him going knowing that she was specifically thinking of him at the start of the day.
that wouldn't last though. eventually, the more yuusha met more people and cultivated new relationships, the more she felt herself grow further and further apart from jamil.
yuusha thrives on physical relationships and the majority of the time the only communication and contact between her and jamil is through the phone.
and so the messages from her became less and less frequent as yuusha got more absorbed and interested in her work and other relationships.
don't get it wrong, she still cared about jamil. loved him even, in her own way.
he just became less of a priority.
━━━━━━✦
it was bittersweet to think that jamil finally had the chance to initiate the conversation.
because that meant yuusha had been thinking of him less and he had to remind her himself that— hey he's still there, remember him?— although that's not exactly what he would say. that's a bit too antagonistic and petty. surely, she's just busy. right?
yuusha would respond as if everything was normal. but the usual fondness, the usual warmth, they weren't there. her words through the screen felt dry. forced.
she can use the unnecessary punctuations and emojis she wants but she is not getting past him.
they called. it was nice to hear her voice. but. there's the same feeling of detachment. why are they talking as if this was one of their first times?
yuu, what happened?— is what jamil wanted to ask. but he would also respond nonchalantly. as if everything was normal.
jamil still tried to reach out to her. similar to how she did with him.
but it was to no avail.
their interactions felt too far gone from what they had.
eventually jamil also realized that there was No Point.
if she wasn’t going to make the effort anymore, why should he?
━━━━━━✦
professor yuusha tala walks in to her class which her signature braid and feathered hair tie.
it's lovely having gotten used to working at nrc. her students are surprisingly behaved and she enjoys teasing chatting with her coworkers. surely she isn't missing anything, is she?
and the traveler, jamil viper. he's seen most of the sights, experienced a lot of things. it's like he is slowly fulfilling his childhood dreams.
he ties his hair with the same one he's been using for years. it's a surprise it hasn't snapped yet from how worn out it looks. this really belonged to someone so cheap, huh.
he wonders why he's still using it. he had come across fitting souvenirs that could replace it.
waste of money— jamil convinces himself. besides, this hair tie is fit for every occasion and it's still holding up anyway.
he'll just get a new one when this one finally bites the dust.
if it ever does.
it's really stubborn for a hair tie.
#[—✦ rambling#-✧ oc rambles#twst oc x canon#(💜) yuusha#(💜) curry noodles#postnrc💜#(<- new taggggg)#-✦—]#ougghh platonic/romantic breakups???#SILENT breakups.#awful.#THEYRE NOT FOREVER DOOMED I SWEAR;;; IM STILL THINKING OF THEIR ENDGAME AFTER SOME UH REUNION OR SOMETHING---#anyways- proofread once and im not looking back-#also i retconned my initial ideas a bit#bc idk how to make it make sense that jamil would be the one ghosting#surely i can come up with a reasonable explanation but i cant think of anything 😭#so i’mma make it yuusha’s fault- ty you absolute girlfailure (derogatory) 👍#i kind of notice my writing(???) bleeds into my oc rambling#but i feel like i can’t call it that 😭#which i know sounds stupid but still ack#the way i’d feel so differently if this was a low effort doodle instead#i guess i’d consider this semi-writing but idk if i still want to tag it as ‘my writing’#writers i salute you bc how the fuck do you put words together
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headcanon: donnie is very finicky about his appearance actually
he pays attention to his clothes. how they fall on him. how the patterns match. if they catch his eye pleasingly or if they clash and he needs to change them. he cares a lot about fashion, but not in a Pays Attention To What's Popular way; he cares in a I Have My Style And I Will Adhere To It Under The Penalty Of Death way. i think about the way he makes a logo for his tech when he's a kid. it's trademarked he says of his brand. he cares about how things look. how his name is attached to things. appearances matter.
(it's common in the animal kingdom too, he consoles himself, looking into the mirror and tugging at his new shirt before going to see you. birds. fish. it's just biology. so he's interested. it's fine. natural. not extra at all. he just wants to look good. put on a good show. convince your eyes to land on him.)
this translates over when he starts courting you hard. plucking at your outfits and complimenting your choices. giving you suggestions when he comes into your room and his eyes finally slide off where you're lounging and into your closet. he asks if he can take a look inside. opens it up, thumbs through, muttering to himself. he'll pull together things you never thought to put together, and huh. that looks. really really good actually. thanks, donnie. giving him a sparkling smile that makes him look away because it's too bright to look into directly.
it starts then. before you're dating, when you're just... something. a question mark. a potential. you see him while you're walking down the street. he's looking into the glass storefronts, but the items inside don't seem to make any cogent sense or slide into one particular category. shoes. technology. dresses. flower arrangements. the items all over the place, not anything you can use to try and guess what he may want to his birthday coming up, which is annoying since you kinda want to spoil him a little.
(it's not until years later, seeing it again, curled beneath a possessive arm at a crosswalk, that you ask what that's all about. only then that he tells you he is admiring how the two of you look next to each other: fashionable, complimentary, coordinated;
fitting together just. right.)
#i reblogged the cute art and had Thoughts about how i disagreed with the headcanon but i didn't want to put them into the tags for op to see#also i am DYING to write things and im SO BUSY and even though i had time this weekend i was SICK and COULDNT#[actively clawing at the drywall of my house for the need to get words out]#anyway. have this. im so sorry everyone. i'll be writing soon i swear it. for my own sanity if nothing else. :')#donatello/reader#fragment tag
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popping in randomly after almost an entire month just to talk non stop about the tsaritsa again everyone sit down.
specifically just thinking about the implications of tsaritsa's ideals originally being about love + the abandonment of those ideals to complete her goal of, presumably, destroying Celestia or whatever she's cooking up. to the point even her people don't love her and I probably don't even remember a time her ideals were of love. now it's all just ice and snow and cold.
which makes romantic fics w her even funnier because she's purposely removed this part of herself and suddenly reader walks into teyvat like they own the place (they do) and I can only imagine her reaction. angry, probably. because why you? what are you doing to her that's caused her hundreds of years of strict adherence to rejecting "love" both from others and to others to just. collapse. absolute shattering of her world and you probably don't even know it bc if nothing else she's good at hiding it. a lot of denial. tries to pick you apart and see what's makes you so different.
and oh she just hates it. she loathes it.
basically one sided enemies to lover trope because she can't stand you for a while but if you stick around she starts warming up to you and it makes it WORSE. so much worse. tries to distance herself but your just everywhere and it gets on her nerves because why does she love you? she isn't capable of love, not anymore. she thought she was.
g-d forbid one of the harbingers or PIERRO notices she'd never live it down. might even consider the implications of just killing you (she doesnt). worse if you know about it and act like a brat she will lose her damn mind
just the tsaritsa being an absolutely horrible mess internally.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#tsaritsa#i could also talk sbt furi here and how similar they r + how writing one of them influences my writing of the other#but anyway#ive been busy moving i havent had time to write unfortunately#but i do have time for tsaritsa! and furi. mwah#i just think its funny imagining tsaritsa trying to be polite snd cordial but ohh shes SEETHING. she hates you. she loves you.#she wants to kiss you snd kill you and devour you. a horrible mess of a woman who closed herself off snd suddenly she feels exposed#she hates it. wants to hate you but oh g-d you make her soft in the worst of ways. she'd destroy teyvat itself if you asked her to#shes like a cat you gotta work to earn her trust but oh lord when you do. velcroed to your side#she will say she despises you before kissing you so tenderly it makes you dizzy. between vitriol she brushes her knuckles against your cheek#longing and yearning so violently you will tear each other apart just to be closer.#is there anything so undoing as loving another so wholly it consumes you?#she swears she's indifferent but she pampers you and sends you extravagant gifts with no name attached yet it smells like her. you know.#oh to be in a horribly complicated relationship thats almost one sided enemies to lovers w the tsaritsa that consumes you both#like two stars wanting to be closer and yet..in doing so you undo each other when you inevitably collide. caught in an orbit that dooms both#this has been ur monthly tsaritsa ranting ur welcome and goodnight 🫡#when i say im crazy sbt the tsaritsa i am so serious. i AM her number 1 fan source me
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I wonder if you look both ways (When you cross my mind) pt. 3
a nice long update for ya ♡ part 1 part 2
cw: internalized homophobia and projecting internalized homophobia (from an oc)
🐝・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・✦ʚɞ
June 1996, Chicago
Steve's first steps into his living room are not met with silence and sunshine; in fact, he is met with two surprises.
The first being Eddie Munson still in his apartment.
Steve rubs the tired out of his eyes, squishing his palm into his lids in hopes of shaking out a morning delusion. He is proven unsuccessful..
His second surprise is that Eddie is awake, staring at Steve in high alert, blankets folded neatly (he must have scrounged around for them in the night, not that Steve minds), sitting patiently as if he has been waiting for hours for Steve's arrival.
If the second surprise hadn't happened, Steve might have excused the first. See, Eddie, in all the years he had known him, had been anything but an early riser, usually choosing to sleep the day away. So if he had been asleep still, Steve might have let him being in his apartment slide.
Steve ponders how he doesn't really know Eddie anymore, so he shouldn't actually be surprised.
Eddie clears his throat, "So, how about that talk?"
Steve has to resist shutting his eyes to relish in the sound of Eddie's deep timbre. His voice has grown scratchy over the years—from singing or cigarettes, Steve can't be sure. It feels like coming home, either way, to have his voice brush over him.
Instead, Steve clears his throat back. "Don't have time; maybe try again in another five years." He moves to the kitchen to start making their morning drinks—hot coffee with cream for Robin and an iced dirty chai for Steve.
When Dustin had been working at a cafe back when he was in college, he made Steve try all of their new drinks. Surprisingly his favorite became a dirty chai—something which Robin finds hilarious.
Steve grabs the chipped green mug from the cabinet and begins pouring Robin's coffee. It had already been hot and ready in the pot, which probably meant Eddie had prepped it for him. Steve doesn't comment.
Eddie huffs through his nose, "C'mon Stevi—Steve. It's ten in the morning on a Saturday. You can't tell me you're busy right now."
Steve has to resist slamming Robin's mug down on the counter, already having being put together after the 1994 incident, he doesn't want to face her wrath.
Gently placing it on the counter, Steve turns. "Actually, I have somewhere to be at twelve, not that you need to know that. And don't act like you know what's going on in my life, Munson."
Eddie smiles, a little laugh escapes him. God, it is like a fucking drug after years of being sober that laugh. Steve wants to beg him for another hit, even though he knows it's bad for him.
With the smile never leaving his face, Eddie raises his hands. "Okay, okay. You're right."
"Why are you smiling? This isn't funny." Steve huffs.
Eddie's face softens, "Sorry, just even though you're mad at me. You're talking to me, and shit, sweetheart. I would take that over silence any day. It's nice to hear your voice."
Steve has to force himself to keep his shoulders tense, wanting to sag into Eddie. He's still mad at him, furious even. But some part of him agrees deep down, this is nice.
He can never let Eddie know that.
"Fuck off, Munson. I have shit to do. I'm sure you're too busy anyway."
Eddie shakes his head, hair falling in front of his face. "No, trust me I have nothing else going on. The band is on hiatus. And even if we weren't, trust me when I say this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now."
Steve can't help the snort that comes out of him, "Funny you're asking me to trust you, asshole. That went out the door with your bags five years ago."
Eddie flinches back, "Okay, I deserve that one."
Steve doesn't mention to Eddie how he knows his band has been on hiatus for over a year now. How he's kept up on the band, even after Eddie left. How he is curious why they went on hiatus at all, they have two successful albums, and supposedly were working on their third, when suddenly they all decided it was time for a break.
Peak of their career, and they chose silence. Normally, a horrible career move, but it seems it makes the rock community want them even more.
Steve can understand that partially. When it comes to Eddie, you can't help but want more, even when he disappears without a trace.
"I got to go get ready. Seriously, Munson. I know you think I don't mean it when I say leave. I think you're stuck on the Steve from five years ago, and how the Steve from then wouldn't really mean it. But this is the Steve now. And Steve from now means it when he says, get the fuck out. Go find someone else who could actually use your presence, like Dustin. God knows the kid deserves a phone call."
Eddie opens his mouth to protest, but doesn't get to chance to say his peace, Steve's already on his way back to his bedroom with their drinks in hand.
🐝・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・✦ʚɞ
Steve is running late.
It's not his fault, he has a fucking ghost haunting his living room, and it takes him ten times longer to work around it. Robin tells him to cancel his lunch, but Steve doesn't, even though she's right.
Robin's always right.
Steve can't help but feel a little smug when thinking back to leaving his apartment, though. He looks good, wearing his nicest Levi's and soft white button-up. Steve had made sure to keep the top few buttons undone, showing off his gold necklaces that landed perfectly on his exposed chest hair.
For Drew, of course, not for Eddie.
Still, Steve knows he looks good. So when he leaves his apartment and Eddie doesn't even bother to try to talk to him again because he is just too busy staring at Steve.
Steve makes it to the restaurant only five minutes late. It would have been on time if it had been in his athletic prime.
Resturant, Steve realizes, is a bit of a stretch. It appears to be a cafe--but not one of those cozy ones with crazy colors and a fun name. No, this cafe is incredibly fancy. Everything is so sleek and high up, the name in an Italian word he'll have to asked Robin to translate later.
Steve looks around the cafe in a huff, realizing Drew is nowhere to be found. He is momentarily flooded with relief, knowing he has beaten Drew to the cafe.
Steve finds a table in a corner and waits. His brief relief is quickly swept away into annoyance as he sits there for minutes with no signs of Drew.
It takes another thirty minutes, before Drew is finally at the cafe.
"Sorry, I'm late, baby." He says breath even. Steve knows he was in no rush to be here on time. He doesn't move to kiss Steve, not on the cheek and certainly not on the mouth. Drew isn't one for PDA, or so he says. Instead, he smooths down his dark blue Armani suit and sits across from Steve.
"You know, you could give me a kiss. I haven't seen you in a week." Steve decides to move past his being late; there is no point in arguing. If it had been him, Steve is sure he would never hear the end of it.
"Sweetheart..." Drew whispers and brushes his hand against Steve's knee. Steve's lip twitches; he doesn't like it when Drew calls him that. "You know it isn't safe to do that."
Steve wants to throw Drew's hand off of him, but he doesn't. It's always like this between them, Steve wants more, and Drew pulls back. It's beginning to feel tiresome, this game between them. They have been dating for a year and have made no progress in public. Steve's lucky Robin gets to know, seeing as basically no one else in either of their lives knows about each other. For Steve, everyone knows of Drew but not his name. For Drew, Steve is almost sure no one even knows he's gay.
Steve wants to hit himself for the thought. It's unfair of him to put these expectations on Drew, everyone comes out at their own pace. He would be a hypocrite if he pushed him; it had taken him nineteen years to figure out he was bisexual. Took Eddie leaving for him to come out to anyone other than Robin.
It feels different somehow with Drew, though. Like this isn't him scared to come out, but more like Drew doesn't actually see a future with Steve. It had taken them six months to even label themselves as boyfriends, moving from late-night booty calls to watching a movie together in Steve's living room in the middle of a Tuesday.
Steve rubs his temples instead of smacking Drew's hand away. Steve feels tired of this cycle. He knows this is the best he's going to get when it comes to dating. With women, they often want him to admit that he was experimenting, wanting to shun parts of himself away. That or they are convinced he's gay. Well, he is, but it's more than that, and they don't seem to get it.
With men, it's the opposite problem. Either they need him to admit being bisexual is just something he used to make himself feel better, or they are only looking for a quick hookup.
Hookups are nice, but approaching thirty, Steve wants something real and is perhaps sick of finding out the man he brings home from the bar is married.
He knows this is the best he's going to get.
"Maybe if we met a cafe in my neighborhood, we could be a bit more affectionate. The one down the block has a rainbow flag and everything."
Drew scrunches his nose, "Why do that when we can get nice coffee like this?"
Steve doesn't point out that neither Drew nor himself has ordered coffee. Steve can't afford the coffee here, and Drew was late. "I think that's your way of saying where I live isn't nice."
Drew grabs his hand under the table, "No, babe, I don't want to fight today. I've missed you."
Steve feels bad; he has missed Drew. Despite their ups and downs (and Robin's grumbles), Steve does care for him. "You're right, I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it. Besides, I did want to have lunch for a reason." Drew smiles brightly. Steve can't help but stare for a minute. It's no surprise what hooked Steve the first moment they met at the club. He is a classic kind of handsome. Wavy brown hair cut to look proper, a shiny white smile, piercing blue eyes. Nothing about him is soft, he is full of sharpness that takes you from across the room.
He's the kind of guy Steve's parents would have loved if they were okay with Drew being a guy—if Steve was even talking to them at all.
"Oh yes, you've got me on the edge of my seat." Steve jokes.
Drew gives him a charming smile, "There's my funny guy."
Steve rolls his eyes.
"So I have a big question for you..."
Steve freezes up; oh no. Here it comes. The talk, the let's move into together speech. One he'll have to turn down. No one ever gets it. How he can't live without Robin. Literally and physically.
"....so Greg says there's an opening and I think you'd be a great fit."
Steve shakes himself out of his thoughts, "What?"
Drew levels him with a look. "A job? For you?"
Oh. "I already have a job."
It's Drew's turn to roll his eyes, "C'mon, Steve. A high school guidance counselor? You could do so much more."
"I like my job, Drew. We've been through this. Besides, you barely want to be seen together, and now you want to work together? I have no interest in working at a law firm."
Drew pinches his nose, "Just...just think about it, okay? I want to see more of you in any way I can."
Steve doesn't want to fight. The fight left him a long time ago. "Okay."
He doesn't mean it.
🐝・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・✦ʚɞ
aaah im loving where this is going, also I swear it gets better soon and this has a happy ending!! also thanks for the love and support. This will probably be the last part where I will take tag requests for the series so please ask now, cause its getting too long. But parts will always be updated on the previous posts and my page!!
tag list!:
@stevesbipanic @withacapitalp @emryyyyy09 @brainfugk @blueberrylemontea-fanfic
@slv-333 @thetinymm @connected-dots-st-reblogger @helpimstuckposting @dreamercec
@goodolefashionedloverboi @stripey82 @little2nerdy @anne-bennett-cosplayer @resident-gay-bitch
@ghostquer @sourw0lfs @devondespresso @yesdangerpls
@lingermirth
@adealwithher @antonymeanonyme @stevah-hawcett @samsoble @mugloversonly
@stripey82 @anaibis @mycatsstolemybiscuit @flustratedcas @alfhitchblonde
@s0ft-strawberries @slavicviking @theheadlessphilosopher
@l1lpip @emmabubbles @arepaconchocolate
@thesuninyaface @hallo-spaceb0y @dykelips @bookbinderbitch @valinwonderland
#guys really i swear there is a happy ending#ive gone full blown story now#yal hyped me up its your fault#also im so excited for the next part hehehe#steddie#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#my writing#platonic stobin#ficlet#angst#hurt comfort#i wonder if you look both ways (When you cross my mind)#ao3
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#i SWEAR i will answer the asks i got this just got into my brain and wouldnt leave lmao#yi knows your ip number#i was thinking in here they are around 3 years actually#we still got no canon knowledge on who is the eldest and who is the youngest but i headcanon it like#uno (oldest and will always let everyone know) odyn (second oldest and oldest middle child) moja (youngest middle child) yi (youngest)#yi isvery smart for her age!!!#she already reading and writing and dissing her brother look at her go!!!#im also not putting a read more on this one because the last time i did that so many people were yelling at me in the tags#to not put my stuff under read more#I LISTENED OK#HERE YOU GO#FORCES YOU TO LOOK AT MY SILLY STUFF#peepaw and babies au#tmnt#tmnt the last ronin#the last ronin lost years#tmnt uno#tmnt moja#tmnt yi#tmnt odyn#tmnt mikey#tmnt michelangelo#doodles#my art
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