#and i CAN drive. when im doing well. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

piplupod · 4 months

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i was so hoping that survival instincts would kick in to break through dissociative fog while driving but nooooo apparently that doesn't happen. shoutout to my dad who let me stop driving at our first destination and took over for the rest of the journey 🙏 kind of reeling that I very easily could've died today and likely came somewhat close to it but uhm. I didn't! so that's good(?)!

#maybe now they will believe me when i say i do not think i should drive ell em ay oh. please trust my judgement dear god.#it was a bad experience. i did a couple stupid things bc i started quietly panicking #because i realized that oh i am rly not able to take in my surroundings right now properly. i am having tunnel dissociation thing. uh oh.#i feel so stupid fjfkdl i just. kept thinking maybe i AM making it up. maybe i AM just being stubborn. surely i can drive no matter what!#no actually it sure does matter 😀#turns out i definitely am not ever going to be a safe driver while i am having a high dissociation day. im upset abt it tbh #i was kind of hoping maybe everyone was right and i actually could drive!#and i CAN drive. when im doing well.#but if im not doing Perfectly Fine then yeah uh. thats not a good idea. fuck me i guess! there goes any hope for true independence!#not looking forward to mum finding out about it if it ever gets brought up (it will.) bc uhm. yeah not good!#very scary!#dear god i hope that never happens again. i do feel nauseous thinking about it. that was actually Really Bad fhfkdl #i think perhaps i never want to get behind a wheel ever again tbh #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year

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rough day...

#i might come back and color this. Eventually....#scribbled this after a busy day of lots of moving things into storage and hauling boxes around #i felt a bit like a workhorse!#at some point i sat down on the uhaul w/ my water and thought. Wow. How Does Eddie Manage #poor guy deserves a break...#he needs a day off smh #i mean the neighborhood would fall apart w/o him probably but still. he needs a vacation!#he works too hard! someone tell him to prioritize himself for once!#scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #eddie dear #alrighty well its 12 am i need to get up in less than 6 hours and i still have Several Things To Do before i can sleep!#so! queuing this and getting those last chores done #wait fuck. what where they #well! i'll remember when i get up to do them! probably!#yknow 7 hours into tomorrow's drive im gonna be like OH FUCK I FORGOT THE [insert task here]#oh. shit did i eat dinner? hm... im not gonna be ready for breakfast when i wake up #so i might as well add 'quick cup of noodles' onto tonight's Before-Sleep list....#im rambling! sorry!#anyway i have Much affection for eddie! somebody get him a spa day and some shiny new stamps!!!

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angelpuns · 4 days

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Suddenly wishing my parents could read my mind/see inside my head so they understood I actually CAN'T do the things I say I can't do. Its not that I don't want to its that I literally cannot do them :)

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boygirlctommy · 7 months

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3 YEARS SINCE CTOMMY DIED... GOOD LORD

#my post #caps #I WAS IN SHOCK #NONONO I REMMEBER I WAS IN REHEARSAL WHEN THE STREAM AHPPENED SO WHEN I GOT HOME I WAS WATCHING THE VOD #AND I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH THE VOD NO SPOILERS WHEN I GOT A NOTIF OF JACK GOING LIVE #AND HIS TITLE WAS SOMETHING LIKE 'TOMMYS DEAD LETS CELEBRATE' AND I WAS LIKE ??? SURELY NOT???? SURELY NOT????????#AND THEN HE DIEDDDDD AND I STARED BLANKLY INTO THE DISTANCE FOR THREE DAYS STRUAGHT #LITERALLY IT WAS ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT ALL DAY #I WAS LIKE OBSESSIVELY COUNTING TH EMINUTES SINCE HED DIED #LIKE AT SCHOOL SITTING IN CLASS LIKE 'it has been 37 hours and 42 minutes since ctommy died' IT WAS BAD #AND THEN ID DRIVE HOME LISTENING TO SAD MUSIC AND CRY BCUS IT REMINDED ME OF HIM..........#I WAS DOING SO WELL. AS U CAN TELL. AS YOU CAN SO CLEARLY SEE.#TOMMYS DEATH DID HORRIBLE TERRIBLE THINGS TO ME AND IM SP GLAD HE WAS ONLY DEAD FOR 3 DAYS BCUS I WOULD NEOT HAVE SURVIVED

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smoshingatut · 5 months

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I'm kinda tired of dungeon meshi fans blatantly misinterpreting Kabru's goals, motivations, and character so they can ship him with Laios...like obviously it's awesome if you enjoy Laikabu but can you nooot twist Kabru's intentions for involving himself with the guy who constantly triggers his monster trauma and pisses him off so bad he gets brain damage so that he turns into "the guy who wants to suck Laios's dick" as his entire character? I've even seen people cut off Kabru's words to make it seem like he is admiring Laios because it would disrupt that narrative

#how can you think marcille hates laios and kabru wants to fuck him that's not.......canon.....#every time I see stuff of them it’s people being like 'oh kabru loves it so much when laios reminds him of his traumatic past'#be it his eyes/monsters/or the succubus thing 'he just HAS to fuck laios'#kui was noooooot intending for kabru to be lusting after that man!!!#i love laios but come ON why dont you actually care about KABRU tooooo #for l4bru to actually work one of them would have to suppress a big part of themselves and its ALWAYS on kabru it’s so insufferable #it's just like how some people misconstrued fem!toshiro blushing about laios to be her crushing on him when it was obv the same discomfort #but it made the microaggressions even worse because of the gender difference AS WELL as the culture difference #SIGH #i prommis ryoko kui did not create kabru so he can think about sucking laioss humungous donger all day fhsdkfhskjh #L4ikabu is the worst case I’ve seen of people twisting things for their ship because it’s literally just not true…#blatant misreading of the text goes crazy!!!!#like sure they're foils but what about the actual dynamic...w8 don't think about that actually cuz yoikes lol #obviously not threatening anyone who ships them please just stop saying it's canon oh my g #pwease actually read what kabru says he lays it out really clearly and has a super interesting backstory that drives his actions 🥲#i dont expect anyone to read this because im not using a tag but if u do then...🫢😯#i dont understand y ppl like it so much when laios ignores kabru so hard KABRU DESERVES BETTER #I’ve never felt like this about any ship before wow it just makes me 🫷

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obsob · 4 months

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do you make enough money from selling prints in etsy to sustain your life? how are you able to afford this beautiful house and time to crochet and go on walks and all of that? i’m not asking for nosiness but because i’m trying to figure out what i would need to do in order to make my life financially sustainable… is art an option… etc

short answer i mooch off my bf <333333333333333

#long answer part 1: i make enough off my etsy to afford my stuff (and i really don't buy much) and help out w th food bills where i can etc #i hvnt been able to do much of that OR save anything for the past couple months bc i hvnt been selling much BUT . things are beginning #to pick up again and i hve new stock to add when i get back from holidays :3 #i have a smallish job lined up from my agent which is exciting! but hopefully i will make enough w her doing picture books etc to be able #to pay my keep / save more etc! i hve been anxious abt money this past months but thats just more so money for me to spend on small stuff :#i also dont drive so . i dont rlly hve many outwards expenses . im very lucky to have him hes very kind and lovely !!#if i wasnt w him and he didnt hve a house i would still b living w my mama which i did since i left uni!#long answer part 2: i always make time for goofing off during my work day. always!!!#part of the joys of being a freelancer! i can do what i want!!#i can share my routine in more detail if u guys want but i dont start work until abt 2pm-ish most days bc i dont rlly work well in the #mornings. when i hve more work that might change!! i have enough on to keep me busy but im not rlly hvin 2 manage my time u kno #im very very lucky to be in such a comfortable position :3 i hope one day u can be as comfy !!#oh also. i think once the agency work kicks in i will b fine financially ! and also u can absolutely make a living off etsy when its good #its very good for me ! i was very comfy financially around xmas last year i made a lot #u can do it u can do it !! art will always sell !!

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nerdie-faerie · 4 months

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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart

#summer camp tag #ace is a mess #i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic #the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad #doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining #im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart #i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no #she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it #cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical #but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears #but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation #we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills #and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing #we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out #do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from #shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle #instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine #im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch #and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look #but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified #she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation #but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god #ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭

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acerikus · 1 month

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Someone being extremely annoying in the replies of my flowey and clover gif and I'm running out of patience 😭

#'well I THINK theyd just kill everyone then never reset in neutral' 'WE decide who clover is at heart' can you not #like. this is a piece of fanart. did you really just reply to tell me you don't like my headcanons or what #like... at least mention the art of you're gonna go on a several reply stint of this...#and im sorry but mmmmh... bad takes. frisk is morally ambiguous and its impossible to know what they'd do without our influence at this tim #but its a. fucking HUGE plot point in yellow neutral that we know what clover does without influence. without us. without flowey.#they stay w toriel indefinitely...#there's wiggle room for why and that's interesting. but its very clear vengeance wouldnt normally be their driving force #and that in itself is interesting! do we make them give into their anger? warp their sense of justice?#are they just going through the motions of getting this done now that they've ended up on this path?#that's all way more interesting to discuss than what feels like just treating them as a nothing character to treat as an insert #they did say its bc they dont like considering vengeance canon but that stumps me even more #why do you think we mold them then????#and idk if the devs said anything about it being noncanon but i haven't heard so #(and the devs also said Clover's gender is 'up to interpretation' and that's stupid so i also just don't care I'm sorry)#I'd rather embrace all routes and consider what that can mean for the characters #vengeance being unrealistic for ut means nothing when NONE of uty is realistic for ut #it's just a cool what if kinda story

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wizardnuke · 11 months

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i love dnd..i love playing heavy utility/support/backfield and i love having three to six attacks in a turn and an insane ac. at heart im a support player ill get my hands on whatever we're missing in a group

#looks at a druid a fighter and a bard fighter. okay cleric time.#i LOVE playing cleric turns out.#though abjuration wizard is still super super fun its a different flavor of support #it's not buffs it's 'i am going to transfer literally all that damage to myself and war caster style succeed my witchbolt concentration'#doing insane amounts of damage while taking damage (+ with temp hp and then just a lot of hp. im taking the tough feat as soon as possible)#aabria iyengar was right these abjuration wizards are craaaazy. but war domain clerics also fuck hard #my abj wiz is very much an experiment in 'what if someone who is not at all suited to this life tries to adapt as well as she can'#the point is that she isn't a cleric. do u understand. she's not a cleric and that's the point it's the. hbbbgbfhb. she's out here #functioning as a combat medic on some aasimar features + healing kits/potions + arcane ward. Look At Me #i also really enjoy playing nonreligious characters in these worlds where deities 100% exist not in a 'fuck the gods' way but in #a way somewhere between 'i'm all i need' and 'i called and no one answered' and 'may or may not go on an insane power hungry spiral and #try to get a touch of godhood' which is in part very due to my own agnostic and people-loving heart and 'haha what if i icarused this girl'#a resentful caution towards gods an immense respect towards religious companions and 'when your god isn't here to help. i will be'#anyway REACTION arcane ward you don't take damage im fine. next turn reaction shield ward's back up. the thing is.#she will drive her hp down. the ward isn't much like it goes past that temp hp. it's 14hp that shit goes down and carries to her hp #but it never drops. any leveled spell puts hp back into the ward. a 1st lvl shield puts it at 2hp and she can use it again #she is not suited for these conditions but my god it is fun to watch. i care her.#i explained that subclass feature to a player that's not in that campaign and said. like. yeah she can take damage. when her ward drops to #0 it carries to her. any leveled abj spell puts it back up. and she can use it and drive her hp down again.#do u understand what i am explaining to u! do you get it! she is and has always been a punching bag!#she was a very valuable asset to the army and the group she was drafted! into. because when she's there. people just don't fucking go down #aside from her. aside from her. AAAAH. she's so cool. she is very smart i am still riding the high of critting every turn w witchbolt and #reacting to ward a party member against a crit that would have dropped him by taking the hit herself. and she didn't break concentration #badass

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vammieposts · 14 days

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I am going fucking insane do they make drivers ed intentionally brain melting??

Everytime i hear this mans voice i feel like im watching honey crystalize or paint dry or cheese Very Slowly grow moldy

Like i know im overreacting but i cant focus on this?? I have to do 30 hours and its like every time i start watching one of the videos my brain turns off and i cant focus on what hes saying i hate online learning stuff so much

i dont care if i have to go to a classroom just make me learn this in literally any other way than listening to this man reading aloud multiple choice questions from a weirdly formatted slideshow for 30 minutes straight with the crunchiest audio known to man

#i know online learning is probably cheaper #but do you want me to be good at driving or not??#this is kinda important #IF I HEAR THIS GUY GO #And #the correct answer is #C #ONE MORE TIME #vammieposts #i sit in apush lectures for forty minutes everyday and im able to focus #clearly theres a wY to do this so its not so dull #JUST STOP WITH THE MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESITONS I BEF #like who decided this was a good idea?? multiple choice stuff is so repetitibe it all blends togther #and now i remember the wrong answers more often than the cofrect answers!’#drivers ed #i have 25 more hours of this i really dont think i can handle it #yes im overreacting but i cant do busywork i cant focus on dull things i really want to learn this and its not being taught well and that #upsets me a lot #its so so frustrating when theres an easy solution to bad systems and formats #and people dont see it??#it upsets me that so many things are being switched to online when that more often than not makes it MORE difficult??#my schools digital hallpass things??#unique apps to pay for parking in each coty??#digital doesnt automaticaly meant more efficient or convinient #its helpful in some areas #and much worse in others #this drivers ed is the worse end of the spectrum #because instead of being like oh heres the slideshow read it and take the test #it gives you a specific amount of hours you have to spend watching videos #i could just walk away and let the bideo play! like how does that prove that i know anything thats being tuaght??

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adustoflove · 4 months

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Next person to ask why I only work 2 days a week gets a sob story. I spend the other 5 days recovering from 20 years of trauma brought onto me by my parents. Anymore questions?

#personal #in reality this is where the wind blew me tbh and I've always wanted to be a vet so whatever Im working here cause they only needed someone #2 days a week. not ONLY that but its 5 minutes down the road so my grandma can easily drive me or reach me if theres an issue #and I can walk if I had to as well #and I actually worked full time the entire month of april and the end week of march #which I learned quickly puts me out of commission and leaves me sobbing when I get home for breaks 😭😭#like just stay out of MY business. im glad that YOU go insane when you dont have anything to do all day #but I have ISSUES and cant work all the time atm thanks to life circumstances uGHHHH #i wouldn't MIND working one extra day a week and whenever they ask me to pick up a day I ALWAYS say yes 😭😭

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quirkle2 · 4 months

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I was wondering if there are any rare happy ritsu moments in ur zombie au since hes always miserable I think,, like is he always miserable or is he happy/not miserable and feeling kinda good sometimes?

VWHDGDGD NO YEAH OFC HE'S HAPPY SOMETIMES im just horrible and enjoy putting him through misery

ive never been able to get a genuine smile to look right on his face in my art style either i think thats part of it. as ive said his face is just built to be mildly uncomfortable and bothered and i lean into it sm it's starting to get kinda funny

but yes ritsu is happy plenty! i think, canonically, he just seems like the type of person to me that tends to turn lemonade back into lemons. he's easy to scare and his first reaction to things is often Dread and Anxiety. he dwells on the negatives a lot and seems to be a "hope for the best, expect the worst," kinda guy, but there's a section in this post abt shigeo always loving the little things in life, and ritsu steadily learns throughout the journey on how to do that and how healing it can rly be. even if he had to grow up too fast during this whole thing and learn things a kid should never have to, the journey also gave him some good insight and lessons in other places! ritsu is smart, he figures it all out

in terms of little things here n there he's the happiest lil guy on the planet when he finds one of his favorite foods—swings his legs while he sits and munches on a kitkat bar like he's got absolutely nothin in the world to worry abt. sometimes mob does smth funny that he laughs at; for the longest time i've had this silly image in my head of mob accidentally knocking down a bucket from a store shelf and it lands on his head and he just kinda stands there and makes noises.when the noises continue out of pure curiosity about the weird echoey quality it's giving them ritsu cannot help but lose it

besides tiny things tho, when tome comes around ritsu in general is a lot happier, just cuz he has somebody to talk to that will actually respond in some way. they're sorta reluctant partners in crime at first (at least on ritsu's end) but over time and over bonding they grow to rly like each other's presence. they bicker constantly but it's almost always fond eventually, and they shove each other and playfight until mob gets antsy enough to get worked up about it. rly, tome is a godsend to ritsu's mental health—after months and months of being effectively alone with his thoughts, he finally has another person to converse with. a person His Age, too!

tome is rly good at knowing when ritsu is thinkin himself into oblivion and she's Also rly good at being the most annoying girl on the planet to yank him outta that and replace any misery with Oh My God Get Off Me You Freak. she doesn't even do this on purpose at first, but over time she learns how to tell when he's thinking too hard and, ofc, she's grown attached and she cares, so she's as obnoxious as possible to lighten the mood

when they find reigen n teru, ritsu gradually gets Much happier still. now that he knows they're safe and the gang is finally back together (and now that there's an Adult present and he can relax a lil and let himself be taken care of) his stress levels r exponentially lowered. having teru back is another instant lift to his mood—im always a big fan of teru and ritsu friendship, and i think adding tome to their dynamic simply makes it more chaotic. truly a trio of the 3 most normal teenagers in existence which will surely bring nothing but good (reigen sweats offscreen)

actually this makes me feel bad for forever torturing him im gonna go draw happy zau ritsus brb ,.,.ok imback <3