#and how it feels when people see that you aren't

[strwberri-milk]

Maybe this is a bit angsty but could I request the LADS men’s (or just Sylus’s) reaction when reader randomly, casually says in a conversation, ‘Well you’re probably not gonna stick around with me in the future anyway’ (so in short, they think they’re temporary).

Zayne's attention snaps to you so quickly you would have thought you told him you're experiencing a cardiac event. He takes a second to process the words, brows furrowing as he asks you why you'd say something like that. His reaction is so visceral you can't help but laugh awkwardly, asking him what he means by that. The confusion tinged with something unreadable and sad hurts his heart, wondering if he hasn't made it clear enough that he's madly in love with you and only you.

He falls silent, pondering your words and his own actions. Has he not been affectionate enough with you? Has he not been obvious enough about how in love he is with you? You start to squirm, usually used to his thoughtful pauses but the tension rising in the air has you suffocating.

Eventually he tells you that you're going to be stuck with him for quite a while because he doesn't intend on giving you up that easily. He cups your face in his hands, telling you that you're the most precious thing to him in the world and he's going to love you until his dying breath, then past that. The confession is quite intense especially since he just looks very intense for the most part so it steals your breath away before Zayne pushes air right back into your lungs with a desperate kiss.

Xavier immediately tells you off, raising a brow as he asks why you think he wouldn't be there in the future. He's spent so many years yearning for your warmth - it seems blasphemous to him not to stay with you until the universe tears you apart and then some. You see the hurt in his eyes immediately, trying to backtrack as he asks you if you really thought he'd leave.

He takes your hands in his gently, taking a palm to cup his cheek as he nuzzles into your warmth, looking up at you with those baby blues that seem to tempt you to fall into them as he repeats the question. Your words are dry in your throat as you look away, his hand coming up to tilt your face back to look at him.

He swears his life to you again, peppering your hand in kisses as he speaks. If you had any doubts about his feelings for you before there's no way you can now, not with the way his voice settles around you. He solidifies his feelings for you, devoting his entire being to you in the quiet space between the two of you.

Rafayel is totally unamused, brushing your comment off as a joke. He fully thinks you're just trying to get under his skin, teasing him because that's the sort of relationship that the two of you have. When you don't respond with your usual enthusiasm he looks at you with a scrutinizing gaze. His lips press together as he starts to realise that you were serious, rolling his eyes as he pulls you against his chest.

He's shaking, thinly veiled anger running through his veins. He isn't really mad at you, but it would be wrong to say that he isn't at the same time. He doesn't understand why you'd think something like that, under the belief that he's made it very clear that he's in love with you and only you. I mean, have you seen him in a room with other people when they aren't you?

His words are soft in your ear, the quietest hint of a threat in them as he asks if you're serious. Nothing about this was temporary, about his feelings for you were fading. They never did and they never could, not even if he fell to his knees and begged for someone to take them from him. He's built on the anger of a dead civilsation and the inability to do anything but love you, telling you that even if you try to leave him he'll just wait until you're ready for him again.

Sylus doesn't even stop what he's doing, chuckling softly at the notion. He thinks you're joking, unable to fathom that you're fully serious in thinking that he won't be sticking around. You feel a little upset at how easily he brushes you off, deciding that you're done for the day as you fall silent. He notices that right away, looking up at you and beckoning for you to crawl into his lap. If you refuse to he'll simply come over and pull you into his lap without question, telling you to repeat yourself.

You repeat the statement, now more unsure of yourself since he's staring at you intently. You can see the slight quirk of his lips, his smirk making your heart beat a little faster as you tell him that whatever the two of you have isn't serious. He laughs at the notion, shaking his head as he cups your face in his hands. He takes in every detail of your face, sighing softly as he buries his face into your neck, peppering kisses as he shakes his head.

He doesn't know what to say, the words all caught in his throat as he holds you. You don't need him to say anything though, the desperate way he clings to your body and his lips muttering the beginnings of words just to abandon them convincing you more with every passing second that he's going to love you until the end of time.

[zodiac-blood]

Like as someone who would definitely fall under the category of "is asexual with no sexual attraction but still does it anyway" I completely understand the notion of "hey it's nice to understand that not all ace people are sex repulsed" but also as someone who also considers themself gay (in a mlm way) (in a tertiary attraction kinda way) and has a girlfriend its like. But I've never seen anyone say any of the gay men in media I relate to can also date women without feeling attracted to them. Its like.... So??? Give me a reason aroaces are the only time there are exceptions that are respected that ISN'T just the the amatonormative idea of ""dating & sex is just natural"" and that allowing this exception means people can still center their stories around dating and sex.

This probably is because allo queers, even if being queer, can still abide by the amatonormative idea of "everyone needs to want/pursue a relationship and (romantic&sexual) love is the most important feeling", so even if yes, a gay man is not abiding by the cishet standards of attraction he can still have a "normal" love story of falling in love and pursuing that interest. Also additionally that aroaces fall outside of the "sexuality binary" (the weird idea that the only sexualities are "exclusive attraction to men" and "exclusive attraction to women" and that anything outside of that is not valid) A romance & sex repulsed Aroace cannot fufil any part of the amatonormative expectation and so exceptions are only allowed in the case that it makes the most important thing about their life still center around romance and sexuality. (Of course- exceptions aren't normally allowed like the fact no one gets I can be gay and have a girlfriend but that exceptions not accepted because it doesn't fit the sexuality binary)

Cause like. Most Allos can understand/relate to the concept of not feeling attracted to a certain gender (like het men don't feel attracted to men but can understand the concept of a gay man not feeling attracted to women under the basis of "its like me but reversed") but they don't have any point of easy reference to relate to no attraction at all so they don't really even try. If they can't relate to it then they don't feel the need to change their worldview to allow it.

Anyway as I said; I would fall under the category of "aroace that is in a relationship" (and not even because of the tertiary attraction) so I totally understand there are people who are like me. And yes I think having that sort of relationship is valid- I mean I'm literally living in one- but its very telling that every aroace character always has this same exact debate but you don't see ANY discussion about biromantic homosexuals or any form of split attraction and dating without attraction in allo characters.

Unfortunately I don't know that many canonically aroace characters- other than Percy (canon ace and Jello said she may also be aro) & Howie (aroace) from Epithet Erased and Lilith (aroace) from the Owl House. Didn't get into toh fan spaces so idk about that but I know I definitely have seen posts about shipping Howie and Percy (sometimes together bc of their rivalry - but other ships are more common.) And yeah Percy is only stated to be ace and "potentially aro" and not explicitly aroace- still definitely have seen many a Percy x Howie or explicitly sexual Ramsey x Percy / Zora x Percy going around so :v

Even if I am in a relationship the way I go about my relationship is a lot different than what allos go through- yet every time in fiction an aroace character is in a relationship its written exactly how allo relationships are. (Though I tend to be romance repulsed so I don't read much of that anyway lol). I do love that other aros who are more romance favourable than me like to write/draw relationships that fit how they live- but when allos write/draw it a lot of time they don't take care in actually considering how that would absolutely affect the dynamic or that there are some characters that just don't want any sort of romantic or sexual relationship at all.

I'm probably going to end up writing my own post abt this further so I don't derail but; also the whole idea of "split attraction and the ability to be not sexually attracted but not sex repulsed in a relationship is only an asexual thing" and not just like. A broad attraction thing that anyone can experience. Definitely is also aided by &/ partially the cause of these exceptions only being applied to aroace folk.

-Toby (they/them) & Bias (he/they)

the way fandoms are desperate to make all aroace characters romance and sex positive but then dont do anything remotely similar to any other identity is astounding. hmm i wonder why

PLEASE dont derail this about shipping characters of other identities please let this one post be about an aroace struggle

[mayanneaa]

domestic - ʀᴀꜰᴇ ᴄᴀᴍᴇʀᴏɴ.

PAIRING : rafe cameron x reader

SUMMARY : rafe finally experiences domestic life with you.

WARNING(S) : not proofread

A/N : celebrating 2025 with softish rafe hihi (divider by @roseraris)

WC : 1.1k

masterlist.

one.

"You're doing it wrong."

You look up at Rafe, the shirt still in your hands. He's sitting on the couch, a pile of clothes next to him.

The day’s finally come—you two had to take care of the laundry. That’s how you ended up on the floor, a big basket by your side.

"Enlighten me, then."

Rafe slides down on the floor and takes the fabric from you. "You have to fold it like this," he says, folding it neatly, his face almost screaming ‘bored’.

Sun’s shyly sneaking into the living room, casting a mosaic of lights. All you can smell is the fresh laundry and Rafe's cologne, now that he’s so close. Musk and sandalwood fill the space between you two.

There are no screaming kids outside, only the faint sound of crashing waves from the beach. It feels so… right.

“What?” Rafe’s voice pulls you out of wonder, and heat rises to your cheeks when you realize you've been staring at him the whole time, “Folding clothes is philosophical for you?”

“Asshole." You playfully push his shoulder as he puts the folded shirt on one of the little towers you created. "It's just nice. You know, doing things like this with you."

He shrugs, turning away so that you can't see his face. Too bad you caught the flush creeping up his neck.

"C'mon, admit it!" You press, nudging him slightly.

"Admit what?"

You smile as he furrows his brows, "Admit you like it too!"

Rafe snorts and pulls you into his lap, making your heart flutter, "Fine. I like it. Happy?"

"You have to mean it, Rafe!" you tease, a toothy grin spread on your face.

He rolls his eyes, the corners of his mouth twitching as he leans in and captures your lips. You wrap your arms around his neck, savoring the sweet taste of cherries on his lips.

When you finally pull away, Rafe's voice comes out not louder than a whisper, "Do you believe me now?"

You rest your forehead against his, a giggle escaping your lips. "Yeah. Maybe I do."

"Good," Rafe says looking over your shoulder, "Because we have a ton of work left."

You groan and bury your face in the crook of his neck. "You're the worst."

two.

You were delighted when Rafe finally agreed to go grocery shopping with you. Such a small thing, but it made you giddy regardless. Usually, he'd just order it straight to your door. It was nice, sure, but you missed the feeling of walking around the isles, looking at the list you made back home, and picking out the products.

That’s how you ended up in this little shop, standing in front of the ice cream fridge. The lights are quietly humming over your head, and the smell of fresh baked goods is lingering from the bakery section. Rafe’s beside you, his gaze set on the different packaging.

“Which one should we get?” he asks.

You sneak a glance at the piece of paper in your hand. “I mean… We technically shouldn’t get any.”

These words make him turn his head to you, a judging look on his face. “You’re no fun.”

“Oh? Well, since you’re such a party girl, pick something out while I go and search for the rest.”

Rafe huffs and you move to the other side of the store, away from the freezing air that pinches your skin. There aren't many people, other than an older lady picking out the best tomatoes and some kids debating on the candy they’ll buy.

Soon enough, your checklist is almost complete.

“Baby,” you hear from behind and you turn around to Rafe carrying three cans of ice cream.

You arch your brows as he puts them in the cart.

“I got a classic, which is vanilla,” he starts, pointing at each one, “Then this one, because you love it, and the peanut butter was new or something. We can try it out together!”

“And when do you plan on eating all that?”

He wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer with a proud smirk, “Oh, I’ve already thought about that, baby. We’ll finish the 'Gossip Girl' or whatever it's called—"

You interrupt him, getting on your tiptoes and placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"See? Groceries are fun, told ya."

Rafe's eyes soften before he chuckles and snatches the list out of your hands. "Maybe. But we have to get the whipped cream first. Oh, we can also get some coke—"

"Well, if you'll pay we can get anything."

Rafe snorts as he pushes the cart, keeping you snug against his side. "Obviously. C'mon!"

three.

The steady rhythm of rain tapping on the open window fills the bedroom. The day's coming to an end, and you finally find a moment for yourself.

You curl up on your bed, hiding between the fluffy blankets and pillows with a book in your hand. The candles on your nightstand flicker softly, the wisps of smoke mixing with the steam rising from the cup nearby.

"Move, please." You hear Rafe mumble as he climbs the bed, an oversized shirt hanging off his body.

He settles, resting his head on your chest, strong arms wrapped around you. Then, he lets out a long sigh, like a puppy after a long day of doing nothing.

You glance down at him—his eyelids flutter, and pout forms on his lips. Your heart softens despite yourself. "The weather drained you out, huh?"

Rafe lazily shakes his head, "Not really."

He isn’t even sure what it is about this moment that soothes him, but he never wants it to end. When he's in your room, the sweet scent of your candles filling up his head, all he wants to do is to lay down with, or rather on you. To feel the warmth of your body, he longs to listen to your voice.

You smile, the silence falling between you feels comfortable. You read through the pages, becoming more invested.

Rafe absentmindedly traces lines on your blanket. He listens to the rain, and it syncs with the steady heartbeat beneath his ear.

"I like this." Before he can think again, the words slip out of his lips, breaking the silence.

You rest the book on him, giggling. "What?"

"Being here with you, Ms. Giggles Mgoo." He raises his head to look at you. There's a flicker in his eyes, and it doesn't come from the flame beside you.

"No way," you tease, and he rolls his eyes, "The Rafe Cameron tells me he likes spending time with me..."

He pouts, and you can't hold your laugh anymore.

You lean in, peppering his nose with quick pecks. Rafe smiles, his cheeks painted in a delicate shade of red.

"You're getting soft, baby." You say between the kisses, and you feel the heat rising to his face under your lips.

"Shut up..."

You press one last kiss, this time to his lips. It's so rare—to see the softer, quieter Rafe that for now only exists here, with you. And you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

[ihazyourkitty]

I really try to avoid fact checking people in public comment sections on the internet, but sadly this time I couldn't resist.

There was a reel on Facebook explaining the "sad" reason why cetaceans in human care often receive ice. It's because they're given "dead fish" you see, and these frozen thawed fish contain less moisture than the live fish they eat in the wild, so the ice helps prevent dehydration.

First of all, this is half true. The other half is that many cetaceans just love getting ice.

Supplemental hydration can also include gelatin and squid. The latter two are not unique to cetaceans btw. Squid and specially formulated gelatin based foods are also used in many fish diets in part to provide additional moisture. They also count as enrichment, depending on the context.

In any event, this creator thinks it's sad... that caretakers are providing their dolphins additional hydration? What, does he also think it's sad that they get vitamins? Reptile keepers regularly dust their animals' food with calcium to make sure they don't get metabolic bone disease. Is that also sad? These things are standard zoological practices, not signs of neglect. Wouldn't it be sadder if they didn't do that?

(Reason #423 why framing matters).

"But it's not natural!"

Neither is running on a treadmill, but that doesn't mean it's bad for you. Also, I'm pretty sure ICE is one of the most natural things you could use....

"Well why can't they just give them live fish!?"

Because the logistics of sustaining a live colony for such a purpose would be an expensive nightmare. Do you know how many pounds of fish these animals need to eat in a day? Using them as an occasional form of enrichment might be feasible, but on the regular? Just. No! Tell me you don't know how fish care works without telling me you don't know how fish care works!

It's cruel to the fish, for the same reason that it's cruel to feed snakes live food (assuming they aren't picky eaters). Fish are not just props, they are live animals that can experience stress and pain!

Freezing the fish helps keep it safe to eat.

"Why not just release them back into the wild?"

Because that would also be cruel since they wouldn't know how to survive. Next question.

"How do they get dehydrated when they live in water!?"

Oh man. Oh man oh man.

Cetaceans get most of their hydration from their diet. A quick google search indicted that they can drink some salt water, though I don't know how true that is, and to be clear, their kidneys are likely much more efficient at filtering out salt than ours (someone who knows more about this, please feel free to correct me). Regardless, most of their hydration comes from their food. Lack of food leads to dehydration, both in captivity and in the wild.

But there was one guy who said that dolphins in captivity can't drink the water because it's chlorinated. This is not true. The residual amounts of chlorine left after their water passes through filtration is no higher than what is in your tap water.

(Btw, this is another reason why live fish aren't typically used, because you don't house fish in systems that use chlorine, even in small amounts).

When I pointed this out to the guy, his response was that "most of their diet contains water from the exact same source."

To his credit, he did back down when I pointed out that this was wrong. But come my friends! As a fish person, let me explain to you why this is not correct!

Fish blood chemistry is not the same as the ambient water around them. They would not be able to maintain homeostasis otherwise. You see, their gills and kidneys help them osmoregulate.

Freshwater fish blood contains more salts than the surrounding freshwater, which means the via osmosis, water will enter the body, and unless they can compensate for this, the fish will swell up like a balloon, lose necessary salts, and basically drown. So what do they do? Their kidneys produce large amounts of dilute urine get rid of this extra water. Meanwhile, chloride cells in their gills take up ions from the water to transport into their blood.

Saltwater fish, however, have the opposite problem. Their blood has less salts than the surrounding water, so they need to get rid of extra salt. How? Well, they actually do drink the saltwater, and then their kidneys help filter out the extra salt. They basically produce very concentrated urine. But the kidneys cannot do this alone, so the chloride cells in their gills also help by basically working in reverse. They move extra ions out of the blood.

Elasmobranchs, crustaceans, mollusks and other marine mammals that may also make up some cetacean diets will have their own methods of osmoregulation.

All of this is to say, no, eating saltwater animals does not mean you're literally consuming ocean water, as these organisms have specific mechanisms for filtering out the excess salts.

This is, btw, why you can't just put a freshwater fish in saltwater or vice versa. They will die. Nor is this unique to fish, most organisms adapted for one environment don't thrive in the other.* Case in point: we cannot drink salt water, because our kidneys cannot handle that.

But some animals can! Take the salmon for instance. They hatch in freshwater environments, then move to saltwater, and then back when spawning season comes. How do they do this? Well, there are specific environmental/developmental triggers that cause their bodies to start osmoregulating in reverse. This does not happen instantaneously, however. They need time to adjust. They will migrate to brackish water, and allow their bodies a few days to adjust before continuing.

Some species of fish have higher tolerances for wider ranges of salinity/total dissolved solids (TDS) than others. Fluctuating these levels can actually trigger spawning in some species too! Discus, for instance, can be maintained in relatively harder freshwater than what they'd experience in the wild. But for breeding purposes, it's recommended to use softer water with lower a TDS. Given that discus can be more finicky, however, any of these adjustments should be made gradually.

On the other hand, there might be another species where a more sudden change is beneficial. Tropical fish native to floodplains that will experience sudden onsets of flooding from the rainy season, for instance, may need precisely that sudden rush of freshwater with lower pH and TDS to trigger spawning. Even if spawning isn't the end goal, simulating these seasonal fluctuations can be a very effective form of naturalistic enrichment!

....Oh dear, I went on a very nerdy tangent, because SCIENCE!!!! Enjoy.

*this can actually be taken advantage of in certain treatment contexts! Saltwater aquarists will sometimes do what is called a "freshwater dip", where the saltwater fish is very briefly immersed in freshwater to help rid them of harmful external parasites or bacteria. Usually, it's used when fish are first brought into quarantine. It's not 100% effective on its own, but it's one of the many tools in an aquarist's arsenal. Oh! This can also be used on sea turtles in some rescue situations! Again... SCIENCE!!! >:D

[norizzsainz]

🌶️ DADDY — CARLOS SAINZ

bf!carlos x fem!reader | wc : 0.5k words | content : possible grammar and spelling mistakes, lowercase intended, established relationship, fluff, humor, lots of petnames, a tinge of suggestiveness towards the end | loki's lines : mom i love him

"carlitos, look at what the fans are saying!"

you grinned, turning your phone as you showed your screen to your boyfriend so he could see.

carlos squinted his eyes at your phone, shaking his head. "too many words, mi amor. what does it say?" he asked, too lazy to read what you were showing.

he sunk into the sofa, eyes closed, as he tried to go back to the nap he was having. you brought the phone closer, reading what was in the article.

"carlos sainz now dubbed daddy sainz. f1 fans come up with a new nickname after seeing—"

"eh?!" the brunet shot up from his seat, eyes filled with panic as his head snapped towards you. "what are these people saying?!"

"they say you are daddy." you repeated, stifling a laugh as his eyes widened. "it's like saying—"

"who wrote this?!" carlos shook his head. "mi vida, please know this is not true. i don't know who said this is true, but it's not."

you couldn't help but frown, wondering why the nickname was bothering your boyfriend. he was mad, and it was very evident as you looked at him.

before you could ask him what the reason was, he held your hands, kneeling on the floor of the living room of your shared apartment as he looked at you.

"i am not a daddy, y/n. you are my first love and only love. i never in my life—i promise i don't have any children, mi amor. i am not a daddy."

your face fell as you heard his words, finding your boyfriend's gesture absolutely precious. you kneeled next to him on the floor, pouting as you held his face in your hands.

"oh, you adorable thing. gosh, i love you so much." you pecked his lips, smiling widely. "they aren't accusing you of being a dad, my love. it's a nickname your fans gave to you."

"but how is daddy..."

"daddy is a slang word of sorts. it means someone who is very sexy and attractive and also has good qualities associated with protection and care — basically, someone like you!"

carlos stayed quiet, and you let him have this moment to himself. a minute passed before he looked at you again, this time with relief in his eyes in contrast to the shock that was in them before.

"this english language is very difficult." he sighed, shaking his head. "i don't know how you do it."

you chuckled in amusement. "english to you is exactly how spanish is to me." you shrugged.

carlos smiled, his hands around your waist as he pulled you closer, capturing your lips in his. you let out a surprised gasp at his sudden action, only making him smile wider at your reaction.

"so, does this mean you agree with the fans?" he asked as he pulled away, making you raise your brows in question. "that i'm very sexy and attractive?"

you chuckled at his words. "way to ruin the moment, carlos." you couldn't help but feel your heart skip a beat, seeing the look of adoration on your boyfriend's face as he looked at you.

"actually, you don't even have to answer the question." he shrugged, a confident smile on his face. "i can just find out tonight and see what you call me when you are full of my-"

"carlos sainz vázquez de castro!"

not really sure who to tag bc this is just a small carlos drabble i had lying around, do let me know if you want to be included to my normal (non-smau) works too!

[worrywrite]

No, this is missing something even more common and critical.

It isn't that conservative Christian evangelical types can or are ignoring the suffering of the poor. They aren't, most of the time, in a camp where they believe they are bold faced letting the poor suffer and die.

These people believe they're helping. They believe that their choices are helping those that are suffering.

When it comes to deregulation, exploitation under capitalism, big vs small government, etc. they don't believe they are harming anyone. They don't believe that letting the wealthy do whatever the hell they want is dangerous. They don't believe that their ideology is harmful to anyone.

And the big reason why is because they consider themselves as part of the solution to the problem they are creating. Particularly people that belong to larger churches see themselves as part of an uplifting social system which replaces the social welfare systems put in place by governmental assistance. They don't care if they take away social security, because the church they give money to will take care of the people that would have benefitted from social security. Same with food stamps. Same with the ACA. Same with subsidized income for low or non-earners, or people with disabilities. Same with assistance finding employment opportunities and other work support. They believe their churches and other charitable contributions will hold the ceiling up over the poor once they knock down the support pillars provided by the government.

And maybe they could.

But all of the religious institutions are inherently flawed in that they will only ever offer to help if you are also part of their profit system. A church or religious 'non-profit' typically requires that you pay/donate or serve them in some way and that you follow their religious dictates before you can qualify for their assistance. They require indoctrination before they offer assistance. But they will also turn away many because they cannot be indoctrinated, such as any open lgbtq+ folk or people of color (especially people in multiracial relationships), or people from a certain country/ethnic group, or people who grew up in other religions or that still hold onto core beliefs from other religions. And they aren't denying these people assistance so much as saying "well, our church says you're damned and slated for hellfire because you're gay/black/muslim, and since you can't really repent of that you can't join our church, so you can't get any of our social services." But that's fine, because they don't feel bad about not helping "sinners" that need help.

But if they say they can help you, well they can try and get you a job and a temporary or semi-permanent living space with basic amenities, they can subsidize your income a little and probably get you meals on a regular basis, they can find you clothes (hand-me-downs, if not outright paying for a cheap set of new clothes), and so on. And in exchange all you have to do is keep going to their church or rescue or shelter or whatever and keep providing a portion of your new tiny income so that their operations can get bigger and pull in more people.

The average person doesn't really see how expansionist these big organizations are because they see it just like they're saving people by converting them to their religion. Not just in the short term with social support, but long term as well by saving their souls. They don't see the problems. They don't see the stress and isolation they are often driving people into. They don't see that the goal of their organization is generally to drive a profit in a roundabout way and enrich the organization by acquiring a larger membership. They dot think they're being exploited, because they thinking they're following and obeying God and God wouldn't exploit them.

And that is the issue with conservatives reading the Bible and not seeing themselves as acting in opposition to the words in it. Because, by all the metrics they care about, they really aren't.

The issue with “wow do conservatives even read the Bible and how Jesus said to love the poor” is that it any conservative Christian can just as easily ignore/explain away those passages just as easily as a progressive Christian can ignore/explain away all the passages against homosexuality, saying women must be subservient to men etc

[sunsetsover]

you know, i think the reason people fall into the 'kant doesn't care about bison at all, none of what he's doing or saying is real' thing so easily is because he's so good at compartmentalising. it's one of the most consistent parts of his character. we get shown in damn near every single scene he's in: kant constantly sets his own feelings/opinions/wants aside in favour of getting done whatever it is he needs to get done. and if you aren't paying attention it gives off the impression that he doesn't care, but that isn't the truth at all.

i know i talk about kant's role as a big brother a lot, but i genuinely believe that's where it stems from. from the moment his parents died, he had to tuck his own grief away in favour of tending to babe's needs, both emotional and physical. and in ep 6 babe refers to kant as the one who raised him, so babe really must have been quite young when their parents passed - young enough that kant is the one he considers to have raised him, not them. and i know i already talked about it in this post but it's worth reiterating that that wouldn't have come without sacrifice for kant. from context clues it seems as though he went from a student just like any other to basically a single father to a young, grieving child overnight. and kant loves babe. he clearly prioritises his wellbeing - in every sense - above his own. and that means kant's own feelings and wants and desires and even his needs getting thrown aside over and over and over again in favour of babe's. this is a pattern that must have gone on for years atp. kant probably no longer knows any other way to be: he always becomes what other people need him to be. who he is and how he feels get smothered in favour of that every time. and please understand that him doing that isn't an act of manipulation, but likely started as him adapting to the circumstances he found himself in as a teenager and became so ingrained in who he is that he doesn't even realise he's doing it anymore. (besides you can see when kant is manipulating someone. it's completely different. he's not great at it.)

because i mean really, do you honestly think kant was never scared going out stealing cars? do you think he wasn't petrified when he was caught? do you think he never wished for something else for his brother, for himself? do you think he never walked through the streets at night looking for cars to steal, wishing he could just go home? wanting his mum and dad? wanting to someone to take care of him for once?

of course he did. of course he was scared. of course he was upset. he's not a sociopath, nor is he some kind of professional criminal. he's just a guy who's been doing whatever he has to to get by, and sometimes that meant doing bad things, but he still has feelings and wants and wishes beyond that.

but the thing is, as it always has been, is that above kant's wants or needs or feelings sits babe. babe's wants and needs and feelings. his wishes. his dreams. and so kant pushes his own feelings to the side so that he could do what he needed to do - first out of necessity, then because he had no choice. but that doesn't mean those feelings aren't still there. it doesn't mean he doesn't still feel them.

but what place is there for kant's feelings? what use are they? babe needs feeding. he needs education. he needs school uniforms and books and new shoes. he needs someone there, on the outside. kant is of no use to babe in a prison cell. so what good does kant's fear do? where do his desire and his wants and his feelings get him? nowhere. dreams don't put food on the table. so he tucks them away, time and time again. he's scared, but he gets on with it because there's no other option. he wants, but he has babe to think about, so what use is it wanting anything? wanting to go somewhere, to do something, to be with someone - what's the point when he can't have any of it. he has a child to take care of, and that child's needs must always come first. that's the sacrifice any good parental figure must always make. so that's what kant has done. he's spent half of his life pushing his feelings away in favour of making sure babe is good.

why, then, would love be any different?

style can love fadel. he can want him, and he can voice it, and he can show it, because style doesn't have to think about anyone other than himself. there's no one relying on him, not the way babe relies on kant. and so if he acts stupid and reckless and falls in love with an assassin, the consequences of that will be his and his alone to deal with.

kant doesn't have that luxury - the luxury of loving bison. he never has. he has babe to think about. and on top of that, kant can't allow himself to want anything because to him, wanting is useless. it's pointless. he never gets to have what he wants. and he especially can't allow himself to want bison, not when bison is literally his get out of jail free card. kant can't go to prison because he has to look after babe. and it's the same pattern all over again: babe comes first. what kant actually wants doesn't matter.

so he locks it away. he compartmentalises it. we've seen it over and over and over: he gets angry at christ and he swallows it because he can't afford to made him mad. he gets scared and he grits his teeth and smiles. he starts to feel something real for bison, starts to see him as something other than his ticket to freedom, and in the next breath he's reminding himself (or style) that he can't. that they just need to get the job done, asap. if the captain just arrests them, then it'll be over and kant will be free and he can tuck those feelings and those wants back in their fucking boxes and he can move on. over and over and over you see him trying to convince himself of that, because that's probably what has worked before: just one more car, just one more job, just one more time.

but the problem is it's not that simple. being in such close proximity to bison and pretending to love him has shaken the walls he's put up around himself, and they've started to crumble from the foundation up. the feelings that were supposed to be fake, that were supposed to be kept on the outside of the wall have started leaking in to where the real kant is. his walls haven't fallen down, not yet, but they've been breached. and now he's knee deep in these feelings that he shouldn't be having. now, no matter how hard he tries to resist it, he wants.

i think that's what makes the scene in the bowling alley so heartbreaking for me. when i saw the preview i thought that kant was doing it for bison's benefit, to make sure he has one last good night before he's locked away. which he definitely was. but i also think for the first time in the whole show we really get to see kant - no games, no agendas, no angles. even their first meeting wasn't entirely innocent like that - kant was putting on a persona to get bison into bed. but in that bowling alley, when they're all alone and no one's looking and there's a very real chance they'll never see each other again, kant just lets himself be. he lets bison see him, even the ugly parts, the parts that have him breaking into places and cutting off the cctv and stealing from the drinks fridge. because bison told him, didn't he? that he loves every story on his body, even the fucked up ones? so in that bowling alley kant is no longer trying to be some perfect version of himself, the one with no history or flaws, the one trying so desperately to win bison over. he's not trying to be christ's informant. he's not even trying to be babe's big brother for once. he lets himself just be kant.

kant, who wants to be alone with bison in the place where they first met. kant, who laughs so hard his body can't even hold him up. kant, who sets up a fucking projector to project the northern lights all over the walls because he saw the pictures on bison's wall and knew how much he loved them. bison never told him that. but kant is thoughtful, and kant pays attention, and kant is romantic, and none of it is an act. all of it is him, loving bison despite himself. wanting him to be happy. wanting to give and give and give because that's how kant loves: by giving until there's nothing left of him. by putting himself second and the person he loves first. it's what he did for babe, isn't it?

and it's the real kant who, for just a moment, lets himself be reckless and stupid like style gets to be, like kant never gets to be, when he looks down at bison's face and says should we just get in the car and run? and means it. he poses it like a joke, but he means it. he wants it. and it's the real kant who sits in the middle of a bowling lane and plans a trip with bison, who lets himself truly want something for the first time since he was a child, probably: 15 days, kant will drive, bison will run the playlist. they'll see the northern lights and the puffins and the waterfalls. and maybe it's the freedom of knowing he'll never get to have it that makes it so much easier to allow himself to want it, but isn't that so much worse? knowing the only way he's allowed to want anything is if there's guardrails up, keeping him in line? stopping him from making the mistake of actually thinking he ever gets to have what he wants?

none of that scene was an act. none of it. in fact imo the only person he actually puts a front up with in ep 6 was style, trying to convince him to just let them go. that it doesn't matter. bc that was all bullshit and he knew it. and you can think what you want about kant's actions and his feelings up until now, but if after watching episode 6 you still genuinely don't see that kant is head over heels for bison, then you're either not paying close enough attention, or you've let your bias/dislike of his character cloud your ability to be objective about what you're seeing, and i mean that. he is so obvious.

just because kant isn't expressing his conflict or his discomfort or his feelings the way style is doesn't mean he doesn't feel any of it. he does. his words are lies. we've already established that about him. but his conflict and his love are written all over him, all over his face, all over in his actions. the love he feels for bison is delicate and it's fragile but it's undeniably there. and if you don't see that then i genuinely feel sorry for you because you're not only missing out on half the plot, but you're also missing out on something so genuinely beautiful it makes my bones ache.

[toskarin]

Do you have any real roguelike game recommendations?

broad spectrum somewhat rambly recommends

I generally lean towards recommending Angband and its variants (Sil-Q is really good but you should definitely be familiar with Angband first. similar is true of Hengband, the most popular Japanese variant, for other reasons) because I personally enjoy them and they're straightforward enough to learn the genre with

Ancient Domains of Mystery is a good time if you like open world rpgs and, as a nice perk for people picking it up, has a tileset graphics option

NetHack and Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup would fall into the category of being good games that I don't personally enjoy that much. similar territory with The Ground Gives Way, but these are the ones I see hook people a lot, so they might be something you're interested in

Iter Vehemens ad Necem falls into similar territory, where I like it a good bit, but often think about playing it and go "ohhh but then I'd have to actually play it"

the most accessible recommendation I can give that is pretty widely accepted as a roguelike is definitely Tales of Maj'Eyal, since it's fully graphical and has really streamlined controls, followed by Caves of Qud (more just because of how approachable it is, but it has lots of streamlining as well)

for the sickos who like System Shock and robot combat, there's Cogmind. for the sickos who like to cast one spell and then strike fifty enemies two-hundred times in a row while your spell chains between them, there's Rift Wizard (1 and 2)

for the sickos who like when game mechanics involve praying to real-world spirits to ward off bears and making sheep walk over fishing nets to turn them lucky, there's UnReal World

I'm not recommending Cataclysm: Dark Days Ahead because that actually feels kind of immoral even for sickos who like zombie games, but I have to mention it if I recommend Cataclysm: Bright Nights

Elona and Elin aren't really roguelikes (nor intended to be played as them), but you know how some music isn't really in a genre despite fans of that genre really liking it? they're kind of like if ADOM were more concerned with being a longterm fantasy world lifesim

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

One thing that irks me when playing the game is how silver’s sleeping disorder is reacted to by the other characters, especially the teachers. I mean like, I get on some level that they’re all based on villains so they’re not going to be the nicest, but you’re telling me you see a kid just passing out out of nowhere constantly and the first thing they do is say that he’s lazy and berate him for something he obviously can’t control? Even if his condition isn’t a medical one like narcolepsy and is part of his curse/blessing, it’s still debilitating and affects his daily life. I don’t expect twisted wonderland to have like, disability protection but give the kid a break man he’s trying his best 😭. It also bothers me when other students are like “yeah man I get it schools boring I get sleepy too”. Like, yall have seen him suddenly fall asleep standing up and in random places on campus, it is so obviously not the same thing! And then Silver apologizes for it like every time! no! stop it! don’t apologize for something you literally can’t control

Sorry for the rant. It’s just been something bugging me because its so similar to how real world disabilities that aren’t physical are often brushed over by people and it gets me feeling heated 😭

Oooh, that's an interesting analogy 🤔

Before I talk more on the topic, I want to open with a few disclaimers: I will be discussing various characters’ reactions to Silver’s blessing/curse-induced narcolepsy (for lack of a better term), which may parallel real-life reactionary behaviors related to persons with disabilities or disorders. Know what you are reading, and please skip this post if you do not feel emotionally equipped to take it in.

Additionally, I want to make it clear that I am NOT defending any of those behaviors in this post. I will be attempting to offer in-universe explanations, NOT excuses, for why characters may act the way they do in regard to Silver’s condition. This doesn’t make the behavior any less unacceptable.

That’s all! If you’re all set, feel free to proceed below the cut.

I think, from the perspective of the students, it may be difficult to know what's going on with Silver?? Of course, that doesn't make their reactions or their behavior okay, but it's more understandable where they're coming from. Many young adults (unfortunately) aren't educated on and don't have experience/knowledge of how to handle situations where a peer displays abnormal behaviors. This may be especially true at Night Raven College, where the students are described to be very prideful and primarily concerned with themselves, or, if they help at all, they expect something in return. Many of Silver's classmates may not know him on a personal enough level to be familiar with his affliction or care enough to intervene if he falls asleep standing up. I doubt that most students at NRC would think of a peer beyond how they initially present, much less even consider factors beyond their control.

Additionally, others may not feel a need to step in due to the "bystander effect", a psychological phenomenon in which people are less likely to offer aid if there are others present. The theory goes that everyone just assumes someone else will do something about the situation, which has the unintended result of no one doing anything. Since Silver often falls asleep in public places, this could, in part, explain why so few bother helping.

I guess another component of it could be that some of his peers have simply gotten used to it by now?? (Several characters, even first years like Ortho, indicate that they anticipate he will fall asleep like 80% of the time.) Silver's a second year, so maybe NRC students did notice and attempt to assist in the first year, only to become annoyed with it when the symptoms persisted and so it could have led to peers thinking it's a "normal" thing for him.

I get the sense that Silver doesn't exactly go around telling everyone and anyone about his condition in detail (not that he has to, but I'd imagine that this lack of communication probably doesn't help his classmates' perception of him). He tends to describe his condition as "a personal problem" or blames himself or a lack of diligence for his symptoms. And honestly, I don't blame him for that; he didn't learn about the origins of his curse until book 7, and no doctor Lilia took him to could help. What else could Silver feasibly believe when all else fails? It must be his own doing. Silver has numerous voice lines apologizing for dozing off again and actively seeks out ways to "correct" or counteract his sleepiness. When this is how one presents their own condition, it may naturally cause those around him to believe that the sleepiness is "his fault"/due to his own actions. "Maybe he stayed up late last night," Ruggie suggests. Even Kalim, someone I'd consider Silver's friend, makes similar assumptions.

I will say that not every character is rude to Silver about his sleepiness. Vil might berate Silver for "playing the part of a sleeping princess" and Floyd might tell him, "People walk here. Find someplace else to snooze," but Ruggie appears to show some concern/shock for Silver when he shows up in the school store barely being able to stand, Jade tries to wake him up gently, etc. I'm not sure if the writing being inconsistent here was on accident or not, but I do think that some of the... less than desirable... behaviors may be because the narrative treats Silver's condition like a charm point most of the time. Like... Silver's sleepiness is often used to "sell" his appeal to fans ("Look at how cute he is! Eepy boi!"), or used for comedy in-universe (like when he uses Sebek as a pillow or when Silver blatantly falls asleep in a conversation or in the middle of an important event like the race in White Rabbit Fest). Because of this, rarely is his condition actually treated with the seriousness it would get if this were a real-world disability.

I think there’s a debate to be had about these kinds of impolite comments coming from Sebek though. Sebek is Silver’s childhood friend, so Sebek must be accustomed to the narcolepsy at this point and we’d normally expect him to be most sympathetic about it. But nope, Sebek actually frequently criticizes Silver for letting his sleepiness get the better of him. The majority of other students’ harsh comments towards Silver actually come from Sebek. He drops lines like:

“Don't you dare tell me you're falling asleep again, Silver!”

“His blatant snoring is infuriating.”

“Wake up, Silver! You're blocking Malleus's path! It's absolutely disrespectful!”

“If you don't cease at once, I'm leaving you on the side of the walkway!”

“It’s not as if you've been enchanted by a fairy. You’re just lazy!”

This all sounds horrible and mean, doesn't it? And they definitely are. But hold on! Sebek also says things like, "You're nodding off while walking AGAIN? A proper retainer of Malleus should hold his head high! High, you hear me?!” and, “Please, don't [volunteer yourself for this task]. You'll just end up nodding off. You must accept this is beyond your capabilities and let it go.” The former can be seen as telling Silver to do his best as Malleus's retainer and the latter is advising Silver to back down rather than push himself past his limits. That's not just me being optimistic or giving Sebek the benefit of the doubt just because he's a character I happen to like--Sebek has a known history of phrasing compliments and encouragement in a very rude manner. It's a trait of his that earns him endless ire, and something that Silver often finds himself apologizing to others for. Sebek is also a person who values constant self-improvement both in himself and in others; his cold attitude towards even his childhood friend can be interpreted as his own way of wanting Silver to do his best in spite of his condition. This… isn’t always a good thing though, as this thinking is ultimately ableist and runs the risk of pushing people—himself included—into dangerous situations that may out their wellbeing at risk.

This isn't to defend every single thing Sebek says about Silver's condition though; some of them are definitely too much, even if Sebek is granted as much leniency as possible. Do his comments come off as ableist? Absolutely. Is it his intention to be ableist? I don’t believe so—but that doesn’t negate the fact that his words are needlessly cruel, even if Silver doesn’t perceive it as such or take offense to it. Oftentimes Silver agrees with Sebek’s assessment, which again loops us back to how he already blames himself for his state and could parallel real world disabled peoples’ guilt and shame for just… being the way they are. Us, as the outside onlookers, are of course more likely to perceive Sebek’s words as rude because we’re projecting our own experiences onto what we’re seeing. Of course we don’t want to see a friend saying these awful things to another friend—but between Silver and Sebek, they seem to be mutually okay with this dynamic of pushing one another to “be better”.

I understand that it can be frustrating watching Silver have to say sorry for something that he can't control, but this is most likely a deliberate writing choice for his character arc—and depicting that flaw isn’t bad in a vacuum. Silver is someone who struggles with his self-worth, something we very much see come into fruition in book 7. He worries that he's not doing enough to "repay" his father back, and that it will be too late for him once Lilia departs from NRC. Silver frequently apologizing for his "shortcomings" (ie his constant drowsiness) is probably an extension of that lack of self-worth. He blames himself for his lack of alertness and actively tries to "be better" for a reason. It feeds into the ever-so-ironic cycle of "Silver is sleepy" -> "Silver thinks he must work hard to not inconvenience his loved ones and prove his worth to Lilia" -> "Lilia loves him anyway and he just doesn't realize it yet". (The whole reason Silver is even here right now is because of Lilia's love for him; he would still be sleeping were it not for Lilia.) Perhaps they'll be able to formally reunite in the waking world and wrap up this arc with a neat little bow... with his father telling Silver that yes, he is enough as he is now. Maybe Lilia will even say something along the lines of, "Never apologize for what--or who--you are, Silver. You're my son, after all! You should be proud of that."

This makes me wonder if Silver’s curse will ultimately be lifted in the end or if it will persist…? Because if it does get lifted, then it loses some of its strength as a parallel to irl conditions (since some don’t just poof away). Within the meta of the game, Silver then also loses some of his “appeal”, since sleepiness is a cute trait associated with him. I can see why it would happen from a narrative perspective though—ridding him of the sleepiness could be the ultimate “proof” of Lilia being able to truly love him, which is the condition the blessing requires to be dispelled

What really baffles me, however, is how some teachers are depicted interacting with Silver. The asshole students of NRC, okay. I'd believe they'd be callous towards one of the few nice guys at school dozing off. BUT THE TEACHERS????? 💀 Usually it's not that bad (they tell Silver to keep his eyes open or to wake up), but MAN. In Silver's Labwear vignettes, Crewel berates him for nodding off in class again, grants him a makeup assignment, and says, "If you like sleeping so much, [formulating a sleeping potion] should be right up your alley." He even withholds Silver's credit for Potionology until he receives that sleeping potion. Crewel also berates and punishes Silver in other instances, such as his Dorm Uniform vignettes: "Naughty pup. You think you can sleep through my lesson? [...] What a quick apology. Are you actually sorry? [...] You don't look remorseful to me. Hmph. As punishment, you must collect the reports everyone is turning in at the end of class. Do not miss a single one, and you are to bring them straight to me. Is that clear?" It feels a little… much, especially considering that it’s not like Silver chose to fall asleep midclass. Then again, Crewel probably doesn’t know about Silver’s condition either so he most likely attributes the behavior to laziness, as Silver does himself. I’d say that Crewel should still at least know a little better as an adult but 💀 many adults have no clue themselves, especially without a formal diagnosis.

Does NRC not have a, like... Disability and Accessibility Center to coordinate with teachers and give certain students assignment/exam extensions??? Therapy, healing potions, and medical mages + regular doctors and dentists exist in this world, so why wouldn't they also have disability support??? 😭 That seems like a HUGE oversight to me. (Get on that, Crowley/j) In all seriousness though, this may be the result of differences in culture?? It might be expected in western countries to have such disability accommodations, but from what I understand, there’s a loooot more stigma in Japan so these services may be lacking. Yes, NRC is based on a British boarding school, but ultimately the game is Japanese in origin and therefore might be running off of Japanese notions of what constitutes as “appropriate” support for the disabled. (The way seating in classes are arranged in-game already derive from Japanese schools; alphabetically by last name.) Maybe that’s why Crewel didn’t seem to be willing to make exceptions for Silver…? But even so, this could mirror how western societies also have trouble identifying and adjusting to those with disabilities. It can be hard to get treatment or even mindfulness from peers, especially if you don't have a formal diagnosis (which is the case for Silver; no medical mage knows what's up with him).

Those are my thoughts on the topic ^^ Again, I completely get why seeing the staff and students reacting this way to Silver’s condition makes you (and others, I’m sure) upset. There’s many uncomfortable parallels with how people irl are insensitive to “invisible” disabilities or disabilities in general. It also doesn’t help that Twst tries to both present the condition as a serious matter while also using it for comedy and marketing as Silver’s major “cute quirk”. Getting mixed signals here!!

I hope that this was at least able to grant you some new perspective about why the characters behave as they do. Some of it does seem to be the devs struggling to balance the tone of the stories they want to tell, but some of it also feels like intentional characterization (whether of individuals or of a certain dynamic between a duo) or setting up for an arc.

It would be interesting if we got an event where we explored more of the health industry and attitudes about like… magic-induced conditions, illnesses, etc. Silver is one obvious case of this, but we also know medical mages are A Thing. I’d love to learn more about these!

[velvetvexations]

I’m. So baffled by that one dude saying that trans men being able to pretend to be women is a privilege, because in his tags he says that it’s a thing specific to transmascs. Does he mean pretending to be cis as a means of safety is a transmasc specific thing?? Because uh, I’m… pretty sure that’s something that can be done regardless of a trans person’s gender? There are transfems and nonbinary people who can also pretend to be cis [whatever their agab was], too?

Its also not a privilege. Having to hide what you are out of fear isn’t a fucking privilege lmao

strangely people understand that when it's about trans women

just saw a post on my dash saying "'infighting' is a dogwhistle which frames transfems as aggressors". i really hope the tide is turning like you said, bc this shit is getting exhausting and im still seeing it from random people i follow who otherwise gave no indication that they drank the koolaid.

they make me out to be the aggressor all the time!

Nazi imagery anon here

These are the pics I was referring to.

As you can see it’s posted on the verified border security account and you can see two different nazi symbols on him :(

yeah it looks like standards for what they allow soldiers to adorn themselves with are low and the person taking and posting the pics aren't paying good enough attention because that guy also straight up has a naked anime bitch on his knife sheath

as I said this is an individual thing and they need to start knocking their heads together like the Three Stooges and sending them into trenches first

You know who saying that th**fab is actually a storied term that trans fems have been using to identify transmisogonists is fucking insane like girl that's such obvious lie give us nothing

they aren't even trying

It’s crazy how almost every other day on this site I see a new post with like 50k notes talking about how absolutely NOBODY deserves to be harassed, sent death threats or be put on blast yet once again I’m seeing people trying to justify the harassment of another transmasc teenager. Honestly people should just start openly admitting Tumblr is becoming increasingly hostile towards trans masculine individuals, I don’t see clownery on this level on any other platform-

Tumblr...is really bad.

I think the reason why this whole headcanons discourse bothers me so much is that is really is just fuelled by petty spite. Like all these characters are cisgender in canon. We make headcanons because it’s FUN to expand on characters in ways that reflect our different life experiences in whatever form that may take. Intentionally going after transmascs, especially young transmascs, for doing this with characters like they like and accusing them of all these different things genuinely does just feel like bigotry. Who cares if a head canon may not make the most amount of sense? It’s a cisgender fictional character we’re playing around with! Why does it have to be some grand act of activism to say blorbo number 3 is transmasc? We have much bigger fish to fry here.

exactly it's such dedication to not letting anyone else have anything

So sick of people acting like trans men are the same as cis men under the patriarchy and moreso im really sick of the "you're privileged to not be surrounded by men". Like, for lack of better phrasing, saying that about a group of people that is generally perceived as "failure women" pre transition (and sometimes during and post) is a little tone deaf. All about acknowledging how women and people perceived as women are harmed by misogyny until the ones perceived are men. Gender essentialism is ugly and tasteless and nonsensical. Please feel free to delete this im just rambling without a point

rambling is okay anon <3

„wow ur so privileged to not fear men”

i fear the fucking everyone asshole, i just realized that isnt everyone elses fault so i should still treat them with respect !!!!!

that woman called me a "self-hating doll" and I hate the second part a lot more than the first

[rebellum]

Okay so I'll be honest I'm too lazy to find and link sources so I encourage you to actually find a source to read about this on

But something cool to understand about hallucinations is that they're caused by neurons misfiring in the brain kind of randomly

So usually it's like this: eye gets light based visual data > neurons carry the information to the part off the brain that does vision (visual cortex) > the brain takes the raw data and interprets it. So it's like "red round shiny on white flat surface. Ah okay a red apple on a white table."

Or, for touch: sensory neurons get raw touch data > transfer it to interneurons > part of the brain that handles touch (somatosensory cortex) > brain takes the raw data and says "hmm warm and soft touch. Your partner is caressing your arm."

So hallucinations skip that first part, the raw sensory data. Instead the neurons fire despite there not being input.

So the brain goes "oh okay, there's a green blob on the ceiling. That must be the slime monster from Video Game!" So what you're SEEING is a weird green shape, but you KNOW what it is supposed to be. Kind of like a rorschach test almost - it's open to interpretation, but part of that interpretation is already done. So when people say they see, for example, Eminem in their room, they arent seeing a realistic Eminem. They're seeing it like you would see Eminem in your dreams. Impressionism Eminem.

One theory for how/why dreams exist is almost the same way, actually: so when you sleep your brain basically established new neuronal pathways. Doing this stimulates the neurons. So if you played a lot of basketball, the neurons responsible for the memories of basketball (how it looks, the players, the sounds, the smells, etc) are being stimulated, making you "see" them. But, it's more like the raw data AND your interpretation being encoded.. which is why dreams aren't hyper-realistic.

I'm saying all this to explain to people who have never hallucinated* so that you know what it's like. Visual hallucinations look dreamlike. Sound hallucinations are kind of.. almost ranom sounds? But you still know what they're supposed to be. Tactile hallucinations, like formication (that's with an M, from the Latin formi meaning any) feel like little dots all over their body. But your brain interprets it as bugs (or in my case, baby spiders) crawling all over you.

Which i just think is really cool

Also really, really scary sometimes. It's horrifying to see a weird little green misformed face as the edge of your bed and KNOW its a goblin despite it not actually looking like a goblin.

It's like a waking dream

*those who THINK they've never hallucinated. Technically dreams are hallucinations kind of. And you know when you're about to fall asleep but suddenly feel like you're falling? That's actually called a hypnogogic hallucination. It happens when you're asleep (your brain waves show you're asleep) but you don't actually FEEL asleep yet - but that's a whole nother post.

I'm just an eepy lil guy and too lazy to look for sources, but I highly encourage you to look this up. For the general stuff about how the brain interprets sensory input, you can find that on any trustworthy neurology source. For hallucinations specifically and for dreams you may have to actually read academic papers or books on it, sorry.

[heartandbow]

Midnight Blue

BUCKY BARNES X FEM!READER SMUT

summary: Bucky hated you in many different ways, and tonight was no exception. tw; smut, choking, dom!bucky.

Despite Bucky's reputation of being big, bad, and dangerous, there is yet to be a time he ever scared you. Even now, where he was in the very building somewhere to kill you, you knew his only weakness — he couldn't sneak around.

It's not surprising when you think about it. With his death stare and metallic arms, anybody would spot him coming from a mile away. You just have to make sure you're faster than him, which happened to be your specialty. Being a thief for the last few years taught you everything there is to know about blending in with the shadows.

Which was a shame, you thought, because I look nice today.

You did look nice. You were currently in a gala for some valiant cause or other, hosted by some rich businessman you hadn't bothered to catch the name of. You had on your midnight blue gown, embedded with pearls that reflected off the champagne glasses and Rolex watches.

"Excuse me," one of the attendees said, tapping your shoulder. "Are you Miss Malley?"

"No," you smiled broadly, knowing the guy was about to hit on you any second.

"Oh, my mistake." He had a sheepish grin. "I'm Shane. Can I buy you a drink?"

"The drinks are free," you said, grinning right back.

"I know."

"Aren't you busy trying to find Miss Malley?"

"Who?" The smile hadn't worn off.

This particularly uninteresting conversation was cut short by sudden silence at the gala. The foolish sack of a man had diverted your attention just enough that you saw a metallic death stare at the end of the gala — a stare that seemed just for your particular demise.

Don't panic, you thought, staring right back. He wouldn't dare hurt you with this many people present. Even then, he was making his way towards you. You moved away, silent as a ghost.

With each turn of crowd, you realized you might quite possibly be stuck. Bucky had brought in reinforcement ranging from Natasha Romanoff to Captain America, all of them in regal formal attire and in different corners. No one except Bucky had spotted you, possibly because he was the only person who actually had a personal vendetta against you.

Get out, your brain said clearly. Get out before they bring you to Stark. You had enough beef with that man to last for a lifetime.

You grimaced, then looked for the exit. Not the one that the attendees use, no, that would be too easy. You headed for the staff exit, the one behind the kitchen.

---------------

Half an hour later, you were walking through the dark alley, your heels clinking against the pavement. You were exhausted from all the walk, but you were used to this dance by now. Move until the target is off your back. That's how it's always been.

You wondered if you'd ever get tired of the steps.

Someone whistled. You turned to see a man around his late 40s, clearly drunk out of his mind.

"How much for the night, sweetie?"

You squinted. He looked harmless enough. You kept on walking, ignoring his continuous calls behind your back.

"Don't be like that! What, I'm not young enough for you? I thought your kind took money from anyone with a dick!"

You had half a mind to punch him in the face with the hidden knife.

No, walk on. Last thing you need is a corpse on the street.

A second passed, then two. The man's immediate silence ticked off your senses. You turned around to see him on the floor, unconscious. Somehow, it did not look like it was the alcohol that took him out.

You were almost impressed when a knife appeared at your throat from behind.

"You're getting better at sneaking around," you said proudly. "You didn't have to knock him out though. Chap was not laying a hand on me."

"Shut the fuck up." Bucky's raspy voice sent a jolt of adrenaline down your spine. His anger was controlled, but you still could hear it.

"Your wish." You stepped on his shoes. He let out a pang of hurt, not expecting your heels to feel that sharp.

One moment of distraction, that's what cost him. You whipped your gun and faced him, smile on your face.

"How did you find me?" you asked, genuinely curious.

"That hardly matters." He put his hand out, grabbing the gun, or trying to anyways. You stepped out of the way just in time and he grunted.

"You need to loosen up. Like the night we did the Catherbury mission, remember?"

That only seemed to rile him up more. You didn't think he even cared that much about the fact that you were in Avengers a good deal of time before you sneaked into Stark's office, got his card, stole a great deal of gadgets and sold them off the black market. You didn't think he even cared you were the biggest thief in the city, one that fooled even the avengers.

His vendatta against you was personal, because he considered you his friend. The cold, cruel Bucky was duped for the world to see.

"I really think we should sit down and talk," you said, the gun still held high. "Everything I did was business Bucky, stop taking it so personally."

Bucky's face showed just a tinge of hurt, but then he hurled — no weapons, no hesitation. Just full-on pounced on you, and your back hit the wall.

"If everything wasn't so fucking personal, shoot me," he practically spat out those words.

You realized you hadn't even thought of using the gun that lay hanging lifeless from your hands. You tried to grip it, but Bucky pushed his hand on top of it, bending the metal seamlessly in a way it was upside down. You let it go and tried to move.

Bucky clapped his hands on the wall on either side of your head. His eyes were smeared with charcoal and he smelt like musky cologne.

"Where's your disappearing act now?" he whispered, making you feel all sorts of things.

"Let me go," you said, gritting your teeth. God, he was standing too close.

He bent his head down and brought his lips near your ears.

"You've no clue how long I wanted to have you like this," he said, making your heart skip a beat. "Unescapable, vulnerable, scared."

"I'm not scared."

"You should be." He put his hand — the non-metallic one — over your throat. His touch was gentle, but the message was clear; he could kill you in a touch.

Though it didn't help that you liked it a little too much.

"How did you find me?" you asked again, calmly.

"Shane is my friend. He put a GPS tracker on you. I knew you'd run so all I had to do was wait."

You were impressed yet again.

"How did Shane find me? I was blending in the crowd well."

Bucky's eyes shone brighter. "You weren't going to blend in with a dress that beautiful," he stopped, removing his hand. It was as if he just realized how close he actually was to you. His eyes slid down to your lips just a second. His hands started lowering from the wall to your waist.

Then his lips were on yours, and you could have sworn he put all his anger into it. One kiss and he was prying your lips open, making out with you in that dark alley with a knocked out man five feet away.

"James," you whined between kisses, pulling him closer. The moans did things to his brain. He slid his hands through the slit of your dress, grabbing your thigh with a force that had you unnerved.

"Can I—"

"Yes."

He closed your mouth with his other hand. "No, listen to me first. I want you to mean it. Completely. Because I don't know the things I'll do to you when you say yes."

In response, you took his hand from your thighs and slid them higher, right into your panties. You pressed your body against his and you could feel him being hard.

"I hate you," he said curtly, then picked you up with effortless strength. Two minutes and you were in a secluded part of the alley, and he was setting you down on an old bench. He bent down, keeping eye contact with you all the while.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he whispered, placing a kiss on your neck. You moaned, but didn't move. He dragged your lips from your collarbones to the edge of your neckline, and pulled the dress down.

Without waiting a beat, he took off your bra and kissed your nipples.

"Bucky," you whined, and all he did was bite down harder. He let his hand drag down and pushed two fingers right into your pussy. The pain was immediate and pleasurable. His pace was slow and you started grinding on his fingers for more friction.

"Shush," he said, taking off his fingers and setting you up straight. "Do you want me to fuck you, Y/N?"

"Yes," you said, moving in for a kiss. He turned his head away.

"Beg."

"Fuck me Bucky, please." You moved your hand to his pants, and he looked like he might lose all control. A few seconds of unbuckling and he took you in his arms, pressing you down to the bench and spread your legs wide.

You were wet already, and the sight of his big, hard cock hadn't helped. You were dripping down your panties.

"Beg," he said again, taking off your panties and throwing them away.

"Please fuck me, James, fuck—" you gasped when he thrust his dick in you. A moment of holding onto his hand and he was fucking you like you were his. He leaned over and bit down on your neck. A kiss and a few sucking and you knew that was going to leave a mark.

You didn't care. You were being dicked out of your soul and you were taking every second of it.

Then it stopped. He pulled away from you, his dick still hard. You were confused to see that big smile on his face, even more so when he started zipping his pants.

"You left me three months ago," he said, straightening his hair. He leaned down to kiss your forehead. "Next time you think of me, I want you to think of me fucking you like you're my bitch. How having my hands on your throat was enough to make you wet."

Revenge. That's what it was?

"You wanted to fuck me to make me regret lying to you?" you asked breathlessly, feeling ashamed that it already worked.

Bucky smiled. "I wanted to fuck you for a whole lot reasons Y/N, but I also want you to knock on my door and apologize, preferably on your knees and begging. On all fours. I'd sacrifice the rest of the night to see that."

He pulled you up and put the dress on tidily. "Goodbye. And, you really do look beautiful."

Motherfucker, you thought to yourself as he left.

----------------------------------------

commissions info

kofi

----------------------------------------

[impactrueno]

throwing my 2 cents into the ring here: i liked the maitlands enough that i was legit pissed they only got a throwaway line in beej beej as to why they weren't around. could afford to claymate the goddamn pedophile but couldn't spare a few bucks for like body doubles we only see the backs of for the maitlands? fuck off.

i definitely agree we saw too much of jeffrey jones' face which i've hated even before i even found out what he did (charles is also my least favorite character in the first movie by far) but charles' death is THE reason why the deetz women go back to winter river in the first place, and delia's whole arc is about mourning him and then reuniting with him, so his character (to my chagrin) was a lot more relevant to the plot than the maitlands could've been. this movie is ultimately about the deetz women, not the maitlands.

i mean no offense to you or anyone who feels this way, and i get being disappointed, but being disappointed is one thing and then there's being angry. i'm actually surprised that people are legitimately pissed that the maitlands aren't in the sequel. they couldn't have been, because ghosts don't age and the actors did (and unlike michael keaton, they won't look the same under layers of makeup and wigs.) alec baldwin has also been disgraced ever since the Rust incident, a lot of people seem to forget that.

the maitlands were also allowed to move on in the afterlife, which (unknowingly to lydia and the viewers at this point) introduced the soul train concept. yes, lydia's explanation felt like a weird handwave but the movie is self-aware about this having astrid sarcastically say "how convenient." this interaction also adds to her growing skepticism about her mother's ability to see ghosts, which is an important plot point, so it's not just a weak handwave explanation.

i also thought the cameo in the model was cute (i gasped and pointed at the screen when i saw it in theaters lol)

at the end of the day i think they did the best they could with what they had, without derailing the movie or piling even more stuff onto it (the movie is already PACKED with characters and subplots, all of which have a purpose and are essential)

so like i said, i'm a bit taken aback by people's angry reactions. me, personally. i don't understand the venom for these decisions.

[reignpage]

one of your responses to an ask gave me the idea, how the Eden au couples spend the New Year’s Eve? How they celebrate when it’s midnight?

not proofread

gojo and reader:

they throw the biggest party of the year in true gojo fashion and reader mingles for a little before disappearing into a quieter room. gojo pops in once in a while to say hi and tell her all the gossip. then near midnight, he leads her to a balcony overlooking the garden and he sweeps her around, slow dancing to idk a Nicki Minaj song or whatever's playing on the speakers as they countdown.

and he says, 'I'd die for you, I'd kill for you, either way what bliss' and just as she's about to scold him for being so cheesy he kisses her, stealing her breath, and they kiss for far longer than they need to. when they part, they giggle as the fireworks go off in the background

geto and reader:

they attend Gojo's party just cause gojo would throw a fit if they didn't, and at around 11, they excuse themselves and drive up to a cliff overlooking the city. they'll talk about the year, looking back at the highs and lows, having a heart to heart as they picnic at night. then at midnight, they peck and proceed to eat their grapes. the rest of the night is spent talking about their resolutions and their goals, planning their future together whilst they watch the city celebrate

choso and reader:

they stay in. they're all comfy on the couch in matching pjs reader picked out, watching the new years countdown. they've likely just had a thorough sex session where reader made choso cum 12 times or something so choso is tapped out, barely watching and he has no idea what time it is but when reader pecks him on the lips and says happy new year cho cho, he just smiles and mutters it back, feeling excited to do it all again with reader

toji and reader:

they stop by all the parties their friends are throwing, just to say hey and grab some free food and gift bags, and then they return home, for some sweet but still rough sex, with toji trying to get her to cum 12 times for good luck, and when she's thoroughly fucked out, like literally drowning in her own drool, he gives her a sloppy kiss and says 'happy new year ma, fucking love ya'

nanami and reader:

gojo would have begged reader to attend his party, talking about how it's never a party without her, but she tells him she's retired her party ways. gojo pouts but he gets it, he's retired his party ways too, he just wanted an excuse to see her

the lovebird stay in, playing board games, having a nice dinner and talking about their favourite moments of the year and all their plans for the next. near midnight, reader excuses herself and comes back out in a sexy magician's bunny costume or something, with the ears, fluffy tail and everything and says, 'here's to a magical year kenny'

he's gobsmacked, like literally shocked into silenced, then he stumbles over to her, says 'how did I get so lucky' and kisses her right as the clock strikes midnight and fireworks sound out. they don't get a wink of sleep that night

sukuna and reader:

they have to host a party as reps of the Ryomen empire. it's not a party like Gojo's, more like a stuffy business meeting. they both hate it but they play along, rubbing elbows with senators and ceos. midnight passes and they aren't even together to celebrate it. sukuna is livid. he starts threatening people to fuck off, the party ends and people leave at around 1am. reader sends everyone off and has to go find sukuna. he's in the bath smoking, ranting about how he needs to wash their filth away, how they're all so fucking stupid and ugly, and if he has to do it again he'll kill himself

reader sits on the tub and cups water, letting it fall over his shoulders as she hums. he does this every single time and though he's more mad tonight, she knows it's just because he's bottled things up too much. she suggests they go on a holiday. he says it's not enough, that when they come back, it'll be the same shit over and over again. he takes a drag of his cig.

reader says, 'just tell me exactly what it is that you're so upset about, my petulant king'. she's teasing him because she knows he's mad he didn't get a kiss. he catches onto her tone and growls, 'fuck you' before dragging her into the bath with a huge splash. she resurfaces, spluttering and trying to catch her breath, he kisses her as punishment and says, 'happy fucking new year my manipulative queen'

[bluesturngold]

i think you genuinely don't understand how what you've posted looks to other trans women who have been in the trenches on this website for years, so let me try and break it down:

'man-hating trans feminists,' also called transmisandrists, transandrophobes, baeddels (based on a group of trans women on tumblr who were frequently harassed and whose interpersonal issues were publicized as the social group fell apart a few years ago — it is fucking unreal the term has come back into use as an insult for trans women who are vocal about transmisogyny), or the most heinous 'trans inclusive radical feminists' — which is frequently shortened to just calling trans women radical feminists or radfems indistinguishable from TERFs because the people using it are doing so with the goal of perpetuating harm against trans women — are not an issue and do not exist in any statistically significant number.

that the group exists at all is symptomatic of just how severe transmisogyny has gotten, and it reads as both naive and insulting to see a popular tumblr trans woman have the audacity to make a post chiding other trans women for — and again, this is the subtext we are reading into this based on the current state of the discourse, which you seem literally entirely unaware of — refusing to be quiet about the way we're mistreated in so-called trans friendly spaces, like among other LGBTQIA+ users on tumblr, but also well beyond just here.

the idea that any significant portion of feminists are irrational man-haters relies on extremely simple misogyny, painting women as unreasonable (read: hysterical, which at least in western cultures was at times enough to get women thrown in asylums for the rest of their lives) for having convictions rooted in our lived experiences under patriarchy which we refuse to articulate in terms that preserve the feelings of the guy saying 'not all men.'

i presume you know this and i promise i'm not trying to condescend because i like you and want you to develop a better understanding of what it's like for lots of trans women who aren't popular on this website, but for the sake of explaining thoroughly, 'not all men' is a reactionary talking point that maliciously attempts to reframe discussion of the systems of women's oppression around whether men as individuals are all misogynists or not, which is not relevant: even when a man's feelings are hurt by a jaded woman proclaiming all men are pigs and she's done with them, there is no systemic oppression that woman is furthering.

every popular argument for 'systemic misandry,' i.e. only men being drafted or fathers having worse outcomes in custody disputes is very clearly and historically based in discrimination against women, i.e. being innately physically and emotionally inferior and thus incapable of fighting in a war or being innately better suited to homemaking and child rearing on account of a mix of biological and cultural factors.

similarly, even when a jaded trans woman gets fed up and says she's tired of dealing with trans men and wishes trans women could have our own spaces, that is not transmisandry or transandrophobia as she has no systemic power over trans men: she is not the doctor or the insurance claims approver or the politician making his medical care difficult to navigate, she is not a cis man threatening him with corrective rape knowing the law will take his side, she is not the arbiter of societal beauty standards suggesting baldness is unattractive — nor is she exempt from any of these examples of transphobia, for that matter, because transphobes treat trans men as if they are women which means a lot of the stuff trans men deal with is rooted in transphobes also being misogynistic.

given we have so much overlapping oppression, it's crazy to me that instead of listening and learning when accused of transmisogyny there has been a campaign by a community of edgelord trans men on this site to brand trans women with the "man-hating feminist" stereotype as punishment for speaking up about mistreatment despite how vulnerable the trans women speaking up are.

this current transmisogyny problem on tumblr has been festering for years, with harassment campaigns here and there against trans feminine users they don't anticipate having the support network to handle it, but it most recently came to a head with the harassment campaign against youtuber and tumblr user patricia taxxon. one of the trans mascs who led it was a less popular youtuber who used his subscriber count to argue the power imbalance was actuallay tipped in her favor (which is totally detached from the reality of being an open and honest mentally ill trans feminine person with a ton of visibility online), and also posted openly about how he was doing kiwifarms lolcow-style harassment to another trans woman on tumblr, lilyorchard. he couched his behavior in mental illness by claiming he 'hyperfixates' on this sort of thing, which was just so dark for me to find out when i was looking into things. this isn't his video, but

^ there are few things that will make you question the ability of trans men and trans women to be in community together more than watching a trans masc youtuber and tumblr user 1. apparently successfully working to further the narrative that a bunch of trans women on tumblr are senseless man haters among an audience primarily consisting of young and less politically savvy trans people, 2. piling onto a trans feminine person who has a feature length film dissecting her life, and 3. drumming up harassment against another trans feminine person who admitted she's cautious around trans men because they navigate accepting trans spaces as men which can afford them privilege, which women tend to be wary of with men they don't know well.

also, vital to understanding the current moment: whenever rita got banned a lot of the people digging up her old posts and saying she deserved it for sexual harassment (making vore jokes about eating transphobes who were harassing her) were trans mascs who happened to be in the same sphere as some TERF blogs where her harassment started and decided to help out.

to be clear, i think trans solidarity is necessary, but i won't criticize the handful of transfeminist separatists on tumblr for disagreeing when there's a cadre of trans mascs and allies who keep hunting trans feminine people for sport (this is deliberate wording referencing a post a trans masc made about trans feminine people who were pointing out that transandrophobia allegations were being used in retaliation to keep them from discussing transmisogyny). i hope they'll mend their ways — even if not everyone will forgive them — or at least lose influence on other people who don't recognize they're malicious transmisogynists.

anyway back to your post:

reblogging the first part with an addition pivoting into denouncing bioessentialism comes across as a clumsy rhetorical maneuver trying to navigate the post away from the discourse, but bioessentialism being bad is such a popular belief in our tumblr sphere that it's hard to believe that's what you were originally trying to convey given the lack of context in the original post.

i also find it troubling how you articulated your point about bioessentialism, because i've never personally felt like a trans woman who's denouncing men is denouncing me, even as a trans feminine person who is early in my medical transition and still closeted, because i know jaded trans women who have gotten fed up such that they denounce men and am familiar with plenty of others in passing, they're a diverse group united by the ways they've been mistreated and aren't interested in mistreating other trans women.

not saying there aren't some trans women whose internalized transmisogyny makes them think of 'bricks' or other cruel things, but that was hot discourse a few years ago, and i don't think there's much overlap between them and trans women who hate men mentioned in the original post.

you picked a bad time to make a post suggesting trans women who view your posts on tumblr (the implicit target audience of that original post you made) are harming each other at a publicly recognizable scale when we have other intercommunity concerns. unfortunately it fits with the notion people have of your politics being underdeveloped and/or vibes based; if i remember correctly several trans feminine people i know or follow weren't huge fans of where you landed with the egg joke discussion given the size of your follower base and perceived ability to influence the discourse. i don't feel as strongly about that issue as i do this one, but the bright side is you can always learn and grow, and developing a deeper understanding of transmisogyny, transmisogynoir, and transfeminism is pretty rewarding

Punkitt please, I know this is the "how dare you piss on the poor" website but I can barely handle all these terfs and purposefully obstinate folks you're replying to

Sorry!!! Sometimes a bitch loves to argue. I would argue nearly all of them AREN'T terfs, tho: a lot of them are transgender women, which is literally why I made the post. My post was never about denying the harm of the patriarchy, it's about viewing masculinity as inherently evil and testosterone as some sort of evil poisoning hormone. It's not TERFs saying it, which I think is the issue. It's people who should know better than subscribe to ANY sort of bioessentialism. I mean why would you perpetuate the very dialogue that kept most of us in the closet?

[sccrim]

JEALOUSLY PART 2. !

warnings : ( teasing )

part two of jealously w a little bit of rafe teasing you c: ! also shout out to @angzls cus they wanted a part 2 c;

you couldn't say you were over rafe but since he was involved with sofia, you had to try to accept it. yeah of course jealously hit you still after always seeing them together but what can you do. oh wait, you can make him jealous. you knew rafe couldn't control himself everytime he seen you with some random guy at that.

"isn't rafe gonna start something?"

"isn't that the point she's trying to make?"

"i just need someone good looking, or like someone he hates."

"jj!" you and the girls said that the same time. you cheered in excitement. "will jj agree though?" you bit the inside of ur cheek. "he owes me one so he has to." you unlocked your phone and texted jj making sure the plan was in motion.

"what am i doing again?" jj questioned as you guys pulled up to the house party. "just grab me or hold me. even kiss me if it makes him that mad." you fixed your hair. jj was kinda excited to see rafes expressions. "is this what rich feels like?" you laughed at the comment. "you literally live with me. you know what rich feels like."

"okay ready?"

jj held your waist, walking inside with you. many whispers and looks coming from everywhere. you still smiled and held your head up high. you knew if everyone was talking about it, rafe would be in flames.

"did you see them come in together?" ruthie looking around for you guys again. "who?" sofia looking around as well. "y/n and jj." rafes head snapped. "since when?" topper questioning. "i don't know. everyone is saying right now."

rafe spots you from across the room. he knew you were bound to come but he didn't know you would bring someone. especially jj. "at least she's having fun." sofia smiling. poor sofia, having no idea why you even came to this party.

"kiss me." you sensed rafe staring, this was the plan now. jj grabbing your body towards him and you leaned in, wrapping your arms around him. "is he still looking?"

rafes eyes went from normal to low and angry. "you okay?" sofia asked him. "yeah, i'll be right back." he chugged the rest of his beer and walked off. "stay here, he is gonna follow me right now." jj nodding and you walking off. this was your other plan, you just didn't know how it would play out.

"out now." rafe snapped his fingers to the people who were in the bathroom. "in here now." you smiled, following his directions. "jj now? really." rafe leaned against the sink. "problem?" you snapped. "fucking jj?"

"aren't you with sofia? isn't that her name?"

"don't play fucking dumb y/n."

"i'm not."

"you know what youre doing."

"it's working though isn't it." you slightly laughed.

"you better be done with him by tonight." he demanded. also just like you, he never asked— he would tell you to do so. "and if i don't?" you kissed your teeth. "don't fuck with me." he paused. "you know damn well what i would do." you walked closer to him. "this is the rafe i know. i wonder if sofia knows about him, hm?." you lifted up his chin.

rafe swatting your hand, grabbing you and putting you on the counter sink. "what do you want from me y/n. we both know we are toxic for each other. yet, you keep coming back. why is that? hm? do you miss me? do you miss me in you?" you stayed quiet.

"why quiet now? so it is that? you miss me?" he smirked putting his hand under your dress. you couldn't lie, you did miss him. you missed everything about him. but he was also right, the toxicity was eating you guys up. "tell me y/n— im waiting." he looked into your eyes. his hands leading up to your silk underwear.

"rafe." you whispered. this wasn't the plan you were going for but you didn't mind it. "hm?" he moved your underwear to the side. circling around your clit. "tell me, you want me." fuck y/n, what happened to sticking to the plan. "i'm waiting princess."

"you're done with jj, tonight. if i catch you with someone else or him again i swear your life and theirs will never be the same. trust me princess, you'll be begging for your normal life before me." rafe left the bathroom causing you to jump off the counter fixing yourself. your plan was literally fucked from the moment you walked in the party with jj but hey, at least you found out he still gets jealous.

 sccrim — all rights reserved. please do not modify, repost , translate , or plagiarise my content.