#and how excited I was to see my favourite character

[lavenders-and-carnations-zine]

Welcome to Lavender's and Carnation's, an MCYT Pride Month Zine!

This is a zine dedicated to and honoring the queer CC's who have made an impact on this fandom and their fans! It'll feature art, fanfic, and stories about how openly queer CC's have helped people accept/become more comfortable in their identities! (Which, by the way- you don't have to be signed up for the zine to share your story! Anyone can submit one!)

So, how exactly is this zine going to work?

Lavender and Carnation's will feature art and writing like most zines, but it has a special addition to the usual- you can submit your own stories without having to be an official contributor!

Have a CC who helped you become more comfortable with your identity? A CC's character who's impacted you via their story, or has helped you through a rough time in your life? Share your story (anon or not) and you can have it featured in the zine, interspersed with art of that CC's characters and stories!

Okay, this sounds awesome! But wait, how do I apply? What's the criteria for a CC getting nominated for this event? What's the schedule?

Great questions! Here's a basic run-down of the event (along with links to fully explain it)

Applications

There are four roles you can apply for within this event;

Mod

Mod's will help manage the discord server, answer questions, and offer any assistance you may need while creating your piece!

Cover Artist

Cover artists will either be able to apply for the zine cover (which will be a full page spread all the CC's featured in the zine), or as a CC cover artist (which will be a full page spread of all of a CC's character's/relevant side characters)

The applications are open for two zine cover artists, and one artist per however many CC's end up in the zine.

Artist

Non-cover artists will be creating half/quarter page illustrations to be featured along side submitted stories! These drawings can feature the CC themself, a character they portray (alone or with friends!)

If applicable, they can also apply to do a full page drawing of a canon queer relationship with a CC's character in it. (This will only include relationships that are explicitly stated to be romantic/queerplatonic. Examples of this are Milo and Scott from Witchcraft SMP and Aismey and Guqqie from Area Unknown.)

Writer

Writer's can apply to create a piece of writing exploring/featuring a canonical queer character’s identity/relationships. This can feature headcanons for other characters, but please avoid gender-bending for ships (ie, making a M/F ship M/M or a F/F ship M/M!) or changing the canon identity of the CC’s character!

(More information for contributors and mods)

CC Nominations

CC's are nominated based on what the community wants! A Google form with be posted on January 25th where you can nominate your favourite CC's to be featured in this zine. If your CC gets 10 nominations, they'll be considered for the zine!

After that, if enough people sign on to create for your CC, they'll be featured on the zine!

(CC Nomination Requirements)

Event Schedule

The event officially begins on January 12th with an interest check!

CC Nominations and Mod applications open on January 25th and end on February 5th.

The discord server opens on February 8th, followed by Contributor applications opening on February 10th and closing on February 23rd.

Story submissions will be open from February 10th till March 10th!

(How do I submit my personal stories?)

(Official event schedule)

If you've made it this far, please reblog this post so that people who would be interested are able to see it! Thank you for your time, and I'm really excited to see this zine through!

[opheliachoi99]

ᜊ 𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑆ℎ𝑒 𝐶𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 ᜊ

FEATURING : Itoshi Sae, Michael Kaiser, Oliver Aiku, and Itoshi Rin

ABOUT : Them as your long distance fiancé, which will unexpectedly becomes your husband in near time. In which you kept your pain, because you couldn't have the right time to tell them about you and your baby.

Note : These are short scenarios for each characters, I was inspired by the song "When She Cries" by Restless Heart. Enjoy reading!

=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Itoshi Sae

— You breathed heavily, as you felt nauseous all of a sudden. Timing, your fiancé Sae called. "Hello? Honey! How are you? Currently in Barcelona Airport, I was gonna surprise you that I was coming home, but I couldn't seem to decide what to bring, so gotta tell you instead! How's our new house in London—? H-hello? Baby? Are you there?" You couldn't respond as you were already in the bathroom puking on the toilet.

"Honey! Hello? Are you okay? Hello?" He kept bugging but you were already in the urge to grab a pregnancy test and took it quickly "Honey, this isn't funny. I hear some rattling in the background, what are you doing?"

You gasped as you saw the results. "Positive." You sternly spoke "Positive? What do you mean pos— oh. Oh. My. Gosh. BABY! PLEASE REST! I'LL BE HOME 6 HOURS IN TIME, PLEASE BARE WITH ME!" You suddenly cried because you couldn't bare the pain you're feeling right now.

Shit. Don't tell me she's..

— Timeskip —

Sae came home just in time, he was carrying a lot of stuff, but he dropped everything except a bottle of water and some pills.

"BABY I'M HERE! I KNEW I HAD TO TRAVEL BACK TO YOU FOR A CERTAIN REASON! I just had a feeling.." There you laid on the corner of the bed, still feeling nauseous.

"Sae, b-baby, I'm.." You stuttered. "Shh.. I know, I'm here. I got water, and some pills to reduce the nausea you're feeling."

He knelt down towards your belly level "So you're coming soon huh? Better take care of your mom here, she's getting dizzy and sick, I don't want that you know" You slightly chuckle "Love, you're so weird." You stated.

"Oh, if I'm weird, I wonder how the little one will be- I'll be teaching this little buddy how to play soccer the moment they come out- but- what if it's a girl— EVEN BETTER!" He ran around the room like a kid full of excitement, this wasn't his typical way of acting, but he was way too excited to be a father. You suddenly cried, "Baby, hey, why are you crying? I'm here now!" He gently sat next you "I-" You sniffled "I thought I was going to suffer alone.. I thought you wouldn't come back.. I thought I would end up being a single moth—"

"Shh" Sae placed his index finger on your lips, signaling you to no longer continue "Honey, I'm here. You're not suffering alone, You won't be taking care of this baby alone. I've been out of the country because of my career, but now, I can set aside my soccer career. Taking care of you and the baby is much more important, don't worry. I've cancelled all my schedules, I'm free the whole year. If I needed to go back to Spain, I'll make sure you'll come along this time. At least I can keep an eye on you" He pecked your forehead as reassurance.

"I will never leave you, so don't cry, it hurts seeing you cry and suffering with pregnancy. I love you okay?" He kissed you once again and you nodded as you felt reassured everything was alright.

=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Michael Kaiser

— You and Kaiser were happily talking with each other through the phone, as you were sipping tea in your balcony floor, admiring the view from there as you talked with the love of your life.

"Once our final game is done meine liebe, I'll come home straight to you and we'll binge watch your favourite series the whole night, how does that sound? Hmm?" His voice muttered from the other end of the phone "I'd love that schatz, I'll be wait—" "Baby? Liebe? Hello? You were saying?" Kaiser's eyes widen as he heard vomit noises from the end of your line "Baby? Are you okay? Hello?" Your voice echoed the bathroom as you cried, you hated the feeling when you puke, it was the worst "Liebe? Are you vomiting?" Kaiser was already too worried "Baby I think I'm—" You continuously vomited. "Ahh!! Where's the pregnancy test?" You yelled.

"Preg— PREGNANCY TEST?!?! SCHATZ DON'T TELL ME.. Fuck." He ended the call immediately.

You didn't noticed he ended the call because you were too stunned from what you saw right in front of you.

"P-positive? No way.. It can't be.. He's still away for three months.." You felt nauseous once again and went back to the toilet seat to puke.

— Timeskip —

"Shit, shit, shit" Kaiser cussed as he was packing stuff in his luggage. "Michael? Where are you off to?" Ness barged in without notice "I'm going back to Germany." Kaiser coldly spoke "Huh? But our training has not completed yet- besides, what's the rush? You told your fiancé that you'll be back after three months."

"Correction, my wife. And she needs me, soccer can wait. Tell Ego, I'm heading out, I'll make it all up, but cannot promise as well. For now, my liebe needs me." Kaiser seriously stated as he finishes packing.

"I'll be going now, tell Yoichi he's in charge now, ciao!"

"I- but-" Kaiser didn't let Ness finish and he slams the door from behind. Ness sighed "It's like he's having a baby or something-" He just shrugged and went off to tell everyone what happened.

— Timeskip —

Kaiser arrived just in time. He unloaded his luggages and extra stuff from the back of his car "Gosh, I hope these stuff will help her.."

He arrived towards your room, he sees you resting peacefully in bed. He caressed your cheeks and kissed your forehead "I'm home meine liebe." He scanned around the room, and saw your leftover tea outside the balcony, and he took it and closed the unclosed sliding door from the balcony.

He surveilled the bathroom as he saw what a mess it was, and he saw a pregnancy test lying on the bathroom counter "Fuck, it's positive?! YAHOO!!" His loud voice woke you up.

"Micha?" You swore you heard a familiar voice. "Liebe!" Your ears rang as you heard it clearly.

You jumped from startledness as Kaiser came out the bathroom with the pregnancy test in his hand. "SCHATZ?!? WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!?" He jumped for joy as he immediately pounced himself in bed with you kissing you non-stop.

You suddenly cried. "Liebe, why are you crying? I'm here!"

You suddenly laughed "Micha.. It's just that, I thought you would come back much more later.. I did not expect you to come home so early.. I'm overwhelmed.." You spoke lightly.

"Oh my süßer Schatz, I can already sense, wait no, I felt you were in need, especially you're carrying our mini us. It's unacceptable if you're suffering alone" His words made your tears fall "Aww Micha.."

"Now now, you want ice cream? As soon as I landed, that was the first thing I bought for you" He proudly said, which made you laugh "That's the pretty smile I wanted to see, now I'll go get it okay? I'm sure little one wants one too hmm?" He spoke to your belly. He kissed your tummy and your lips "Ich liebe dich, schatz. Remember that. I'll go grab the ice cream and extra snacks and we'll watch the series? Like I promised" He winked at you as he left the room to grab the food he mentioned.

You simply laughed, too lucky to have loving fiancé, or should I say, husband, and a father of your future child.

=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Oliver Aiku

— You were cooking ramen for your dinner, as a way to stop your stress over your fiancé Oliver Aiku. He was quite a pain in the ass, but, despite your fiery anger towards him, deep inside you were wishing he would show actions as a proper fiancé.

As you were cooking, tears started to flow. Mood swings suddenly hit you out of the blue. You wiped your tears, turned off the stove and went to the dining room to eat. You were thinking your menstruation was coming up, so you didn't bother to worry.

You were alone, as usual. Aiku has been very busy with his soccer career, and he's always either with Shidou or Sendou. You didn't mind because both were also your friends and constantly updates you wherever they are when Aiku couldn't.

Sendou sent a voice message using Aiku's number saying; "Hey Mrs. Aiku~ your fiancé is at it again, so many people interviewing your bae, what a busy man he is, don't worry, his fangirls won't be able to approach him because I lead them to me and Shidou instead! And damn they're hot!"

You simply let out a small chuckle as you were listening to their update, but at the same time you sighed, wishing Aiku himself would update you instead.

You left your phone open as you went to the kitchen to wash the dishes.

— Timeskip —

You came out the bathroom looking fresh as you just came out from showering. You were about to grab your novel to read when your phone rang, it was Aiku's number, you prayed it was Aiku who was calling this time, but sighed as you saw Shidou instead. "What now?" You let out a tone of annoyance "Hey bae! Just wanted to call on behalf of your hubby, he asked how were you?" Shidou spoke.

"Eh? He could've just told me directly- is he really that bus—" You paused for a bit, as you swore you felt a painful twist in your stomach "Really that what?" Shidou asked "I said is he really that busy to the point he couldn't ask me direct—" You paused again.

"Bae, if you keep on pausing on a wrong timing for fun- stop it, it's not funny" He sassily rolled his eyes "Wait- I need to go to the bathroom real quick.." You went to the bathroom and leaned your phone near the mirror, still on video call with Shidou.

"Uhm- bae? You good— oh my goodness-" You vomited and cried "I'm not feeling well Ryu.. I don't feel good.." You vomited once again "Oh shit- SENDOU!! CALL AIKU IMMEDIATELY! HIS WIFEY IS PUKING RAINBOWS AND SHIT-" Shidou panicked.

You cared less on what's happening on call, you couldn't think straight because your stomach really hurt and the nauseous feeling is taking over, you suddenly cried because of the pain your feeling right now "Shit, must've been the ramen that I ate.." You gaslighted yourself "Bae! When was the last time you had your period?"

You paused for a moment..

"NO! IT CAN'T BE!" You yelled as it echoed around the bathroom as you intensely find a pregnant test somewhere in the room.

"Bingo! Shit, this can't be." You groaned as you took the test.

Silence took over the atmosphere "Uh- Bae? Hello? Sendou! She's quiet!" Shidou panicked again. "Huh? Hello? Our beloved Mrs. Aiku! You good there?" Sendou asked from the end of the line.

You suddenly let out a sharp scream "DAMN WOMAN- CALM DOWN!" Shidou yelled back.

"I'M FUCKING PREGNANT.. IT'S POSITIVE!" You cried "Well shit, I'm telling Aiku, if he ain't listening I'm going to smack the shit out of 'em" Sendou spoke as Shidou ended the call.

You sat there in the bathroom floor spacing out, you soon started crying, knowing that Oliver wouldn't be able to be by your side during your pregnancy days. You sighed and suddenly felt nauseous once again and felt to urge to vomit once more.

— Timeskip —

The front door has been slammed open, with running feet speeding up the stairs.

"My beloved!" Aiku barged in the room, looking for an nauseous fiancé. He checked the bathroom and saw how messy it was, and the smell of vomit was still a bit humid.

"Shit. Where is she?" He scanned every corner of the room until he spotted you spacing out on the couch of the balcony, your eyes being lifeless looking. He soon felt guilt all over him.

He slowly opened the sliding door leading outside the balcony "Baby? I-I'm sorry... I'm here now.." Silence. Silence was the only reply he got from you. "Is it true? It's positive? I-I'm going to be a father?" Still silence.

He sadly sighed and knelt down to see your eyes "My love? Please, talk to me.."

Your eyes soon teared up "You're the one to talk." You replied coldly. "Baby, I'm at fault here I know, I just wanted to clarify if I'm gonna be a fath—"

"WHO SAID YOUR GOING TO BE A FATHER? AFTER HOW YOU TREATED ME?" Aiku went silent. "You asked me to marry you and I said yes, and this is the treatment that I received?!! I feel the mockery Oliver.." You cried.

Oliver gulped "I'm sorry okay? I've been so busy, relying that I finally got a soon-to-be wife, but I forgot to give time.." Your tears continuously flowing.

"Hey baby, don't cry, it's not healthy for the baby.. I don't want to harm you and our child.. You want me here? I'll do it. I'll sacrifice my soccer career. I'll be a proper husband and a father." He stated.

"All you do is talk. Not a single action shown." You replied with a weak tone, tears still flowing.

A few seconds you felt surprised because Aiku is now carrying you in bridal style "Hey! Put me down!" You demanded "You said wanted some action, I'll show you what I just said, I mean it. Again, I'm sorry my baby, can you forgive me?" He asked in a pleading tone.

"Make me." He suddenly kissed you, a soft and warm kiss, which melted your heart. He pecked your cheeks, nose, and forehead after "Now can you forgive me?" You chuckled. "Fine, but I'm still mad at you. I only ate ramen for dinner just so you know." Aiku's eyes widened.

"Am I hearing it right? Ramen?! I don't think so, that's not healthy for the baby. I'll make you soup, it's much more healthier" He demanded "Pfft- since when can you cook?" "Pardon me? I can cook, I just couldn't show you because I was too busy, now I'm here, you'll know" He winked.

You couldn't help but to giggle over his cheesy expression.

A few minutes passed he came with the soup as promised "Here my love, served warm and tasty~" He said as he sat next to you on the bed. He soon fed you spoonful of the soup "Mmm! Tasty indeed! Wow honey, you do cook! Cook for me some time please!" You praised "From now on I'll cook for you everyday!" "Promise?"

"Promise."

— Timeskip —

Shidou and Sendou arrived with extra foods and drinks, "You almost lost the keys- we could've been locked outside-" Sendou said "Eh- they're here anyway, they can open up for us" Shidou replied.

"What if they're asleep-" Sendou added as he placed the paper bags filled with foods and drinks. "Nah they're still up, LOVEBIRDS WE'RE HERE!" Shidou yelled.

"Oh for crying out loud Shidou keep it down!" Sendou spoke sternly as they went up the stairs.

"I told you they're still— awake.." Shidou lowered his voice as he approached your room "See what I mean-" Sendou stated.

You and Aiku were comfortably sleeping in bed cuddling and Aiku continuously caressing your hair. Aiku slowly opened his eyes and spotted his friends and did the "shh" expression, as a sign to keep it down.

Both gave him a thumbs up and Shidou quickly took a pic of you two peacefully resting and swiftly went back downstairs.

Aiku had enough of his friends mischief, he checked up on you and saw you calmly resting, a smile plastered on his face.

"I'm never hurting your precious soul again.." He whispered and gently gave you a peck on the forehead, and he gently went back to sleep.

=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Itoshi Rin

— You finally rested as you've just finished your spring cleaning. You let out a sigh, opening your phone with no notifications from him.

"As usual, no update from him.." You closed your phone and decided to read a novel to pass the time.

The novel you read made your tears drop as you relate to the main character of the story, having a cold and airy fiancé is quite hard.

You closed the novel and stared at the ceiling blankly. You thought of something on how to get Rin's attention. But you suddenly remembered, he still has that caring and loving side. Suddenly your phone popped up an notification, it said;

Rin : [ Hello love, I'll be coming home later in the evening, what do you want for a souvenir? ]

You let out a small chuckle, you seemed so contented and happy from a single notification from him.

Your brows suddenly furrowed, as you felt nauseous and weird, you tried to brush it off with a smile. But as you were replying, that uneasy feeling came back again.

You felt the urge to vomit so you quickly went to the bathroom and threw your phone to the bed, but as you threw your phone out of impatience, you accidentally pressed the call button.

But, Rin immediately answered it. Which was a miracle, but he wasn't the type to really ignore you, he proposed to you for a reason, he loves you.

"Hello? Darling? Uhm- your camera seems to be facing the ceiling-" Rin felt confused "So- uhm- about my question- you kept typing, I expected a long message but—" He paused as he heard a vomit from the end of your line "Honey?!" His tone suddenly changed "Hello?!?" He kept calling your name but no response, instead he keeps hearing you vomit from a distance.

"Shit, never knew this time would be coming.." He said as he ended the call.

On the other hand, you tried to gasp for air. You couldn't help but sob "What is going on with me?!" You cried.

You spaced out for a bit and vomited again.

You went back to bed to see your phone laying on the spot, you noticed some notifications, so you continued messaging Rin without knowing what happened before.

You : [ Anything Rin! I'll accept anything! Thank you for asking! Your presence is what I need the most tho :( ]

After messaging Rin, you decided to take a nap.

— Timeskip —

Rin finally arrived, barging in as if someone was chasing him. "Darling?!! I'm home!" He yelled as he placed all his stuff down and running up the stairs panting.

"HONEY!"

"AHH-" You gasped as you immediately sat up from your slumber "Rin?! What happened?!" You worriedly asked.

Rin ran towards you with a worried face "Are you okay? I brought everything you need" You suddenly felt overwhelmed as his actions were different so suddenly. "H-huh? Rin? Is everything okay?" You seemed confused.

"Oh my gosh" He grabbed a pregnancy test from his pocket "Here take this." He said as he assisted you all the way to the bathroom "What is this? H-hey!" He shuts the door for you.

A few minutes passed as he was walking back and forth from the bedroom, waiting for you to come out, when you did, he immediately checked up on you "So?"

You gulped "I-I'm.." You cried "Shh.. Hey.. Tell me" He sweeps a stray tuft of hair off your face so he could see you clearly. "I'm pregnant.." He went silent for a moment and gave you some space.

You were scared, so you silently cried.

"WOOHOO!! I'M FINALLY GOING TO BE A FATHER! I'M TELLING NII-CHAN!!" He happily yelled as he hugged you tightly.

"Why are you crying? Hey, I'm happy.. Finally.. I'm sorry if I couldn't be here in time.." He kissed your cheek.

You cried even more now, your a crying mess "I just wanted you here!! I'm so lonely in this huge mansion.." He suddenly chuckled "I'm sorry, you know there's a reason why I'm always away right?" You nodded. "I missed you a lot too, I'm just- not good at expressing on what I feel. I'm sorry.."

You went silent for a moment. "I'm sorry for not knowing that.. Why don't let's help each other hmm?" You suggested.

"That's a good suggestion darling, great timing. I won't be away for awhile, so I'll be here doing husband and father duties." He coldly stated, but you felt the care in his tone at the same time.

"I love that!"

"I love you." He said as he cupped your cheeks to kiss you warmly.

[salty-an-disco]

What chapters would you say are your favourite characterisations for each of the voices? I ask because a lot of the way they act is very much based on what chapter they’re in :3c

Ooooohhh, that's a good one…… I take all the different ways they're portrayed in these chapters in consideration to inform different facets of them, but if I were to choose a favorite, let's see–

Contrarian: As much as I like seeing their more spiteful side in Fury and Apotheosis, and their line readings in Razor is fucking top-notch, nothing can beat the character arc they go through in Stranger for me. It's just. so good. Love this clown who's full of resentment and guilt <3

Cheated: Torn between Cage and Wraith…… Wraith, because seeing her bond with Cold over their mutual hatred for the narrator is just so fun, and how she goes about suggesting throwing Wraith in the pit ("Fuck those two. Let's flip the table!" how Contrarian of you Cheated) is just incredible to me. But I also really like how Cage shows that as sympathetic as Cheated can be, she can still fall into doing cruel things just to assert control over her circumstances, even to her own detriment. That's some good stuff.

Skeptic: EotN Skeptic, my beloved…… I feel like after pris-cut, people started focusing too much on Cage for Skeptic's characterization. Which doesn't feel fair, when that's him at his most stressed and desperate to cling to any semblance of control. It's still a very interesting look into his character, but people seem to be taking that as his default, and not him in dire circumstances. In Eye of the Needle, though, Skeptic is much calmer and even friendly, trying to gas Stubborn up to get him to help. He has a theory and a very simple set of circumstances to test, and even seems a bit excited to test it. Also shout out to Den Skeptic, the moment when he realizes the Princess is more than just a moment is everything to me. He's got low empathy, but he tries to be fair to others <3

Smitten: Sighs, really wish we got to see more of him, really feels like out of anyone, his character is really underexplored, which is a shame. Character-wise, though, gotta give it to Burned Grey. He's just…… so fucking devastated, lashing out at everyone around him, and the way he quickly switches up the moment we see the princess aikskkdmdk This chapter is what really shows where Smitten's priorities are to me. Her safety. Her happiness. At the expense of anyone and anything, even himself. And if he has to hurt, to burn alive, to get to it, he will.

Stubborn: Listen…… the way he managed to have such good chemistry with Adversary despite never speaking to her directly is just sijsjddjjdjdjf SO GOOD SIKSKDKJDKFJ. And I love, LOOOOOVE how he isn't the cliché 'ew, emotions' kinda tough guy. No, he feels, and he feels STRONGLY, you can even get him and Ada to sob in this route I'm just simskjdmdjjdjfj THEM!!!

Broken: Call me a contrarian (heh), but I love seeing Broken getting worse and doubling down on his devotion lol. It's more engaging, OK? And how spiteful and even mean he gets in Tower-Fury is just so good akmskkdmmdjdjd

Hunted: Den with Skeptic…… Just. Seeing this lil guy who was so so afraid of Beast finally get to understand her, to connect to her, and be the one urging you to reach out to her is SO GOOD. Also, the ending where you end up trapped under the rocks with her, when Hunted realizes there's no escape, and it just says it'll lay down and rest for a moment…… OUGH.

Opportunist: Gotta go with Wraith for him too aikskdjdjdjdis Not only is him hilarious there, but also surprisingly competent??? He actually manages to successfully suck up to the princess here???? The surprise factor of it matched with just how funny he is really bumped him up for me when I first saw this version of the route lol

Cold: Another one where their own route just can't be beaten to me akmskddmxmdm. I just love how even after murdering her in cold blood and suggesting we try to kill her again, Cold still gets along with the Princess so well. I also just really like his insights in this route when you decide to free her, about where does a world ends and another begins. It just goes to show how detached he is from reality. (Also, him casually insulting the Narrator every other sentence is just too good lol).

Paranoid: Apotheosis……… What I think is interesting though, is that while on the outside, it looks like Paranoid is 'winning' here, I think she's never been losing it more. She just confirmed that there are no fucking rules. This world is whatever they think it can be. And for someone with a lot of intrusive thoughts (no, it isn't Cold who's 'intrusive thoughts personified', stop calling him that, it's medically inaccurate and honestly insulting to people who actually suffer from intrusive thoughts), the mere idea of it is TERRIFYING. And I think she reaizes that just as they go to that epic fight, which is why she laughs like that, and why the fall is so hard on her and immediately makes her back down and feel like everything's doomed again. For a person full of delusions and intrusive thoughts, the construct is a fucking nightmare world (pun intended).

Hero: Now, for him, I just can't choose one route for his characterization. Out of all the voices, I think he's the most important one to really take into account how he can act in each route when characterizing him. I love his complexities and different facets so much, I made them into a plural system wkmsdmdkdmd he's just. sighs. Hero, my beloved <3

[vonbabbitt]

Throwing this in, though I know you have a post saying you're taking a break: I quite like Tetro. The story is exciting, and incredible. You've done an amazing job piecing everything together, and it has lead to me pretty seriously looking into following the footsteps of this project with a story also told in this audio format, since you demonstrated so clearly not only how this was possible, but how this could be done so well for a Killing Game specifically. The latest events, the latest death, as made me incredibly sad, and I feel a lot of emotional turmoil over losing both victims. But despite that, I have enjoyed the loving, losing, and worrying for the future. That's amazing. All of it is amazing. I have my theories and conclusions about who may be guilty and who isn't, but based on the posts I read, I mainly wanted to express an amount of thankfulness that the series exists at all. It's even lead to me writing fanpieces for some character interactions, and I imagine I have a few more in me from all that's gone on. Not only that, but the hard topics of this series have meant a lot to me. Yanagi and Tsuno have especially felt really close to home. The stories they talk about and the things they deal with matter in my own life. And the series as a whole has made me cry over stuff that mattered to me much more than any other media has done in the last year or so, maybe longer, in even broader strokes. All the characters don't just feel like people one could meet, but people I have met. People I have known. And some of those conversations feel just like ones I've had in my own life. You've done something incredible, and the writing has connected to me deeply. And though I can only speak for me, I doubt I'm alone in this. Thank you for this project, and thank you for sharing it so broadly, freely, and completely. Thanks for writing it, and writing daringly, maturely, and earnestly. At least, such are the ways I would describe it.

I hope I can cross paths with you sometime in the future over a creative endeavor. But in the meanwhile, I'll be tuned in to whatever you do for this, and for whatever comes next. As these things are called asks, if you do decide to respond: Who on Tetro is your favorite? Is it the same from when you were initially writing it? And what lead you to choose an audio drama as the medium in question? Thanks, and see ya at the trial.

thank you very very much, im extremely glad that youve been able to connect with my writing on that level and i hope that others have as well! i really enjoyed the writing process for tetro so its always really cool for me when others can enjoy my story as well

also, my favourite is hama! that changed a lot during production, but ive settled on hama as my goat forever i think. sorry to all the other favs i abandoned along the way

i chose the audio drama format because ive always really liked being able to picture things. when i was a kid, i used to fall asleep to audio books every night, and i really liked being able to picture the characters and stories as they were happening. i would always be so disappointed when id go to watch a movie adaptation of a book i liked only to see that everything looked different from in my head lmao.

i also think audio is a really fun format for this type of story! it was a fun challenge to get my points across without having visuals to back my writing. i didnt have very much faith in my ability to do this at first. tetro was originally planned to have a narrator because i didnt think id be able to tell a story without one. when i realized my writing could stand on its own, i took out the narrator and just let myself carry it as best i could. i think it made for some really fun opportunities where the impact of a scene just wouldnt have been nearly as strong if there had been visuals or narration.

i think [Ice Fairy] is a highlight of tetro in terms of audio storytelling - same with [Good Child]. having only audio forces you as the viewer to take a moment to figure out what's happening, which in turn gives you an "oh shit" realization moment that really helps the impact of a scene like [Ice Fairy] or [Good Child]. there are still some more really cool examples of tetro utilizing its format left to come - i hope you enjoy them when they do!

[draconicred]

Experiences in the Alterhuman Community (and Beyond) as a Fictive

It's a weird experience being a fictional character, especially dealing with fandom, the fact that your source is fictional, and interactions with people based on that--including some of the dehumanisation that's so common toward fictionfolk. I'm gonna go into that here because I need somwhere to collect my thoughts, so this might get long. I'll be talking about my experiences as a fictive, but this could very well apply to anyone who identifies as a fictional being--fictionkin, fictionlinkers, etc.

So, I see the version of me on the screen as an AU version of me, in short. I mean, I'm me, and I don't think I even looked exactly 1:1 with my canon self--so naturally, even though events line up pretty closely, I see my source as... Almost like a fanfic of my life? Like sure, that's decidedly me, and decidedly a lot of the things that happened to me and my friends, but also not me. I'm not that guy on the screen, he's what represents me.

Even though I fully believe I got here by dying in a literal past life, my source media here is absolutely fictional to me and I just... Don't look at it in really any other way. Which I guess makes sense if you put it into my perspective--what else would it be? It really is like reading a fanfic based on your life though, or reading an article about yourself in the news. A bit of a shock, a bit of "why did they include THAT?" sprinkled in here and there, a bit awkward sometimes, and it does tend to resurface bad feelings. But overall, it's not that personal to me. I'm largely fine with it existing.

On the other hand, what is shocking is that people see me as fictional. I'm a fictional introject, from a fictional source, from the perspectives of a lot of people here. But I look at my source and I go well... Yeah, that's fiction of course, but my life is an actual thing that happened to me. Realistically I know that not everyone has spiritual beliefs and not everyone even accepts fictional identities as something "real", but man is it weird to just... Have it be spun in such a way?

I'm used to being in the media, I'm used to having cameras on me and being in the public eye. I'm used to articles and stories and posts on the internet. I'm used to fans even! But this isn't your regular, run-of-the-mill experience of people wanting to know you because you're a hero. This is people who see your life and experiences as a fun story they saw in a book or on TV, coming up to you with the idea that you're their favourite character, and not... A whole entire person. It's so damn weird.

There's still that level of disrespect that comes from people who are a little parasocial with you, but it almost hits deeper here because a lot of the time, you know they're not seeing a hero or the things you've literally done in your memories. They're seeing that guy on the screen they think is cool, and while he represents you, he's not you. And they're treating you like a celebrity because of that weird fanfic version of you on the TV or in that book.

There's usually little acknowledgement of your life or experiences as "real". When you're presenting as your fictional identity around others, you tend to get put into one of a few camps:

Cool Character from Media who I love and adore and want to talk to (and will probably get fanperson excited about it). I will probably get dispraportionally upset if Character tells me to back off a bit because I don't want my blorbo to be mad at me.

Character from Media I'm in love with and will immediately start asking invasive questions to or outright flirting with. Could get real gross real quick.

Problematic Character or Guy From Problematic Media that I instantly dislike because that's so Problematic how dare you show your face. I'm reporting you for being Character, you should change your identity if you want to exist so bad.

Character from Media who is disabled/queer/mentally ill/has any soft personality trait ever and I will now be treating you like a sweet little babyboy cinnamon roll who could not hurt a fly.

Person who identifies as Character? How interesting! I'm going to really pry and question everything from your actions in-source (to get unique perspectives from Character) and question literally everything else. Because this is Science and I'll get mad if you don't tell me everything, you need to tell me everything or you're rude.

Of course there's nuance and there's absolutely times where you'll be treated as a normal person, but the above are... So damn common. I've been here for a few months and I've already had some weird stuff happen to me simply because I'm Kirishima and people feel entitled to give me cutesy nicknames or whatever. Even without knowing me or my system at all beforehand. It's just.. So different from anything I've experienced before? Being treated like a celebrity is dehumanising enough, but being treated like a character.ai bot or just generally a form of free entertainment and not a person is so perplexing to me.

There's also that if you're from a popular source, you see stuff about yourself everywhere. Posters, plushies, advertisements, posts on social media--all of it. Some of that I'm used to already, but it's kind of weird when you're mentally aware that this is all for that twisted-mirror version of yourself and not you. And if you get a little uncomfortable at some fanart showing up out of the blue, or someone making a source related joke... You're kind of just expected to brush it off. Which yeah, I get it! It's about the source, not me, but it's still just... A weird feeling. A feeling of not being allowed to be upset because it's about the source and not literal you.

I think there needs to be a line, maybe. Not saying that fictives should be putting a stop to any media or fandom ever, just.. That maybe respect toward us for being uncomfortable with fan content due to being a fictive or fictionkin should be more normalised. It should be more okay to say "hey, I'm Character, please don't joke like that" to a friend, or "don't send me fanart of this thing, I'm Character and that's weird"--which it normally is! But there does tend to be a sort of layer of "Oh, it's because you're Character. You know that's not you, right? You shouldn't be upset, you need to source separate more."--when if most other people were to set a boundary like that, it would usually be respected. Source separation can be great, but if someone hasn't separated or doesn't want to, why is it okay to still send them material they're uncomfortable with--or at least, why do people tend to argue that the fictive should "just separate from source" instead? It... Just boils down to alterhumisia toward fictionfolk, honestly. It sucks.

There's a lot of problems with basic respect toward fictionfolk of all kinds--hell, even in the alterhuman community where it's meant to be safe. I don't know if this rant is entirely coherent or not, I don't know if there's anything noteworthy to take from it--but if you do take something from it, let it be that fictionfolk want to be treated like people. Source separated, not source separated, canon divergent or compliant, hearted, linker, 'kin or 'tive--we're people. Don't let our identities change the way you instinctually treat us. Let us be openly us, and treat us as you would anyone else.

[moons-among-distant-stars]

HI!!!!! SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO RESPOND!!!! BUT I STARTED READING CHAPTER 1 OF OTC TODAY SO I THOUGHT I OUTA RESPOND!!! SPOILER CUT

ooooo yayayayayay im so excited to meet them!!!

aaa im so blinding normal about sif being the sheep!!! cause ya!! ofc he wants to follow!!! ofc he doesn't want to lead!!! the universe Leads!!! we can only Follow!!!!

:((( they can fit so much shame... they need a hug

staaaars starsabovee you best not!! you better not!!!

so fair!!! love projecting stuff on to my favourite characters it's the best (shoutout my own ocs that are like a part of my soul)!! also as a sidenote fuck the capitalist and ableism-upholding notion that like we are self dependant day-to-day? like no we're not?? at all??? and we shouldnt be!! we shouldn't be expected to be!! that's not how humans were built!! we were built for community and support!! anyways ramble over, 7 YEARS??? okayokay i'll trust

hehehehe sif's just silly like that, definitely not because their whole childhood and life and people and culture was erased via wishcraft

OOOOO i wanna know the name!!!! (also i like Kaia! good name!)

I AM IN YOUR WALLS!! CAUSE IT'S COMFY!! SNACKS!!

hehehehe always the last to realize!! and she's so real for that (she's just like me fr)!

oooo okay okay thank you!!! i am not french (i do speak some but it's bastard french, not even quebecois, worse) so i cannot say nothing!! ooo siffrin hazelnut!! w/ calling them saffron that would be sillier, siffrin aveline saffron hazelnut

so siffrin's always been making a home in the house of change, fucked up that vaugarde's house probably reminder him of home while he still remembered home

oooooo lucien florist has islander decent!!! and is a florist!!! w/ the king flower dialogue that's interesting!!! cause in vaugardian culture you only give someone a flower if you like them but in islander culture you can give a flower to anyone who's important to you, i wonder if there's flower language in islander culture!! i wonder what amount of islander tradition got mixed into coastal vaugardian customs!!! i love cultural exchange in worldbuilding!!

DDDDD: how could you do this to me (i will i will, in time lol)

ooooo very interesting!!! are they like bird feathers?? like what kind of bird would they be closer to? (so i can visualize) ooo genetics okay okay trust

YESYESYES!!!! YAAAAAY ISLANDER EUPHRASIE!!!

oooo okay okay!!! im so here for that!! UGH i would actually sob if like the hairbrushing scene he asks mira for help! i would sob at the tenderness of her picking through his feathers, his shame, his self hatred, his last connection to home

THEY DO!!! YAY!!! hehehehe i love that, just a very much no touch stay away :D also it'd be funny if pre the party finding out about sif's wings they just assume that's when he gets his period and so at first try and bring him some stuff to help and he's like ?????

OOOO YAYAYAYAY I CANT WAIT!!!

WOAAAAH i wanna see loop's wings!!!!! :O that'd be so cool!!!

SO TRUE i also hear everyone's voice as the jello stream voices, like i don't hear written things in ppl's voices really but i assocciate them w/ those voices!!

i... i may try to do a shitty little sketch mayhaps.. i do have time this evening, fair warning i am not an artist im just so very normal about these characters (not hyperfixated at all idk even know what that is)

but happy holidays!! and a happy new year!!!!

(also if you want my thoughts on OTC i will happily give my silly little thoughts i've been writing down)

HELLO HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE @moons-among-distant-stars I COMR WITH A PRESENT.

OTC/DEISY RAMBLING!

im not warning for spoilers because im too tired to do that LMAOO but im putting most of this under the read more

So i saw one of ur reblogs to my reblog of ur reblog (a lot of reblog there) and i was like. Im gonna ramble again!! Mostly ab Sif’s wings!! So ya!!

No, Siffrin does not like his wings. They view them as a burden, as he can’t use them to fly, glide, or anything, and for other reasons. One of those being the fact that it’s a connection to the King, as he has wings too. But, it’s also not just with the fact that they’re just there, no, it’s also appearance wise. Their wings have shades suspiciously close to the shades the King’s wings once were before he was frozen in time. I WONDER WHY!! bats my eyes at you aggressively

Siffrin has trust problems when it comes to his wings, too. He’s so ashamed of them that he doesn’t let anyone outside his family see them, and even then that’s iffy on some days. Only a select few can even touch their wings without asking, those people being Isabeau, Loop, Colette, Léonce and Lucien.

Due to this hatred for his wings, Siffrin hardly takes care of them on some days. The only reason he does on most days is because Odile told him to, and Siffrin’s a sheep most of the time, not a shepherd (ouch, sorry Siffrin… LMAO). And when they don’t want to, then Léonce and/or Loop help him with it.

Sure, Isabeau thinks Siffrin’s wings are very cute, and yeah, it helps a little, but it doesn’t fix Siffrin’s insecurity and loathing of them. Siffrin’s self-hatred runs very deep, but, if you want a good side, it doesn’t run so deep that Siffrin would consider getting rid of them. That’d be severing one of the last links he has to his home, and that’s the last thing they want to do.

A. TIME FOR FLUFF!! Grabs you by the shoulders. Since Siffrin has wings, that means that normal clothing… really wouldn’t work for him. Before the events of IBaS,iTaT!ISAT, Siffrin stuck with cutting wing holes into his shirts, but after the loops, Isabeau began helping Siffrin with that, so now, most of Siffrin’s shirts and such are made by Isabeau. Isabeau has offered to do the same for Loop but Loop very quickly denied it and said they’re fine and they don’t need anything when they can steal from Siffrin. Which… is true. They do that sometimes LMAO.

Im giving you more fluff to balance out the angst. I did some thinking a few days ago and decided THIS!!!: Siffrin washed up in Vaugarde at 16 and Léonce found him (already canon) - they very very likely legally adopted him (translation: she did) since he was a child at the time and yk that child needed a guardian, (and fuck, sometimes he still does have you SEEN the stuff he gets into sometimes?) and well, they stuck to her like glue. Léonce’s last name is Aveline, and by proxy, that became Siffrin’s last name. So, technically, Siffrin does have a last name, which is Aveline. I really need to write a scene where Léonce full-names Siffrin in a tone of an annoyed mom 💀 (“SIFFRIN AVELINE.” LMAOO)

Due to the loops, Siffrin totally forgot about this until he went to Kaia with the party. Then he remembered. He has yet to even bring it up with the rest of the group but Odile has pieced things together based on observations of how Léonce treats Siffrin god awfully like a child of her own… so has Isabeau… but the others remain unknowing LOL

OKAY END OF YAP. IF U HAVE ANY QUESTIONS SURROUNDING THIS AU PLS PLS PLS ASK ME I WANT TO YAP MORE.

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Replaying the dr games is giving me a new appreciation of them overall, but I really did not realize how much I loved certain characters until now. I’m ecstatic any time nagito’s on screen, I guess he’s for sure one of my favourites fjdhf

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Congratulations to Dungeon Meshi on the first episode of the animation adaptation!

(June 2024 Redraw)

[starleska]

psst, hey, fellow selfshippers and lovers of fictional characters!! something i want to share and reassure folks on as a person who gets character crushes super easily: don't be embarrassed by whoever's making your brain light up 🥰💖 i see some lovely folks get really in their head about this. perhaps they've always crushed on a specific kind of character, so when they get one who's a little different, they feel like they can't talk about it. maybe they've touted themselves as having one crush and have been super dedicated that whole time, so feel like it's a betrayal somehow, or makes them less of whichever label (e.g., yume, selfshipper, etc.) they've identified with. i'm here to tell you that's all nonsense!! 💖 this is fandom. you're not an influencer and you don't need to keep up a specific 'brand'!! if you see a character who makes your heart all gushy, don't think up an imaginary critical audience who is going to yell at you for not fixating on the 'right' thing. life's too short to deny yourself happiness ����

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 60 Plot Posting

Hi again, dear void. So, about those complaints I've had in regards to the pacing... and others that I've been holding off on to see how they'd be handled... this is a long and mostly negative yapfest that rambles about the chapter itself and some general writing choices.

Bad TL of Editor's note stuff:

First Page: 会議-!! [kaigi-!!], "A meeting-!!" Last Page: 征くは修羅の道...!! [yuku ha shura no michi...!!] "Leaving for battle on Asura's path...!"

Asura are the demigods who fought against the Devas in Hindu and Buddhist mythology, by-the-by. Basically, the gist is that Chihiro and the Masumi are heading out on a road fraught with carnage and strife to face an extremely powerful foe. Oh, and Hokazono-sensei clarified that the squad are indeed called "Masumi" and not "Makizumi"- the latter is a typo.

Before I rant, I got something wrong with my interpretation of the Japanese version last week. In the last panel here:

"Controlled the war" is still not the greatest way to phrase the line, but mine was way off too since I got too hung up on the literal meaning of a particular kanji (駆ける [kakeru]). The actual meaning of what John's saying there is more along the lines that Samura's an experienced war veteran, which isn't as cool but if that's the more accurate translation then so be it. Please do not ever trust my translations to be correct and I'll do a better job of relaying that I'm not to be trusted if I try to interpret something.

What the Fuck, Man

Alright, so... I'll get this out of the way. This chapter was a huge let-down for me.

It did all the necessary things but the proportion of time spent on what and the way they played out made my concerns about the fast pacing boil over. Come on, Hokazono-sensei. Slow down just a smidge to let us maintain our bonds with the characters.

Slower chapters are necessary to make it easier for the reader to keep their suspension of disbelief and stay immersed! A great story is more than racing from points A through Z with just the bare minimum detail to give context for the next cool action scene. When people ask for the pace to slow down or for there to be more "filler", what they're really asking for are more meaningful times spent with the characters interacting with each other and getting in their heads. Letting some emotional moments linger, bonds get set up and maintained outside of tense moments and strictly necessary plot events, things like that.

After such heavy chapters back-to-back for about a month with Samura's betrayal, I think most of us need a breather. Just some time to sit with the characters to reflect on everything that happened and how they feel about it, you know? A lot of stuff happened and Chihiro especially has a lot to process. We even had a time limit of a week set up to do that- surely one day or even half of one could be given over to letting the cast regroup and take a breath on-screen before the next beat. But Hokazono-sensei seems allergic to giving us time for quiet reflection so now I'm more exhausted than the protagonist who died and came back to life a few hours ago. Yes, Chihiro rested for a few days off-screen before rolling out but we didn't get to see it. So it's not a break for us.

I've been holding back on criticism of this because I wanted to see where the story was going and what the author would do but the pacing is an outright flaw as of this chapter. It's something that I wish had been left behind in the action movie genre; that kind of pacing works for films because you're doing 90ish-minute installments every few years. But it's terrible for a weekly manga.

I will eat a whole stick of apple cinnamon incense if this is some long-con on the author's part to eventually slap Chihiro down for running on fumes and force him to sleep for a week or something. But I'm only making this bet because by now I think it's clear that we're in thriller action movie pacing for the rest of the series' run. It's just something that will have to be accepted as part of the experience going forward. For me, it's a drawback. An acceptable one since everything else is still holding my interest (for now) but a major one nonetheless.

What Did we Not Rest For?

An administrative meeting, a Shiba & Chihiro conversation, and Minimura exposition; Hakuri was so unimportant that he gave an offscreen info dump and went back to sleep, apparently. That's a hell of a lot- there was a ton of yapping and all of it was related to the plot and keeping the momentum up. That's not appropriate downtime! It's the manga equivalent of working from home early Saturday morning after pulling all-nighters at the office from Monday through Friday.

Anyway... this chapter was dense as fuck. I don't catch everything each week but damn I feel like I'm missing a lot of things to speculate on this time. I don't have the brain power to get every little thing until we start tying up some existing threads; hopefully what I caught here is good enough until more room can be made. Early Bird Kamunabi Conference

Azami! Good to see you again! Please do stuff more often to give me a heads up so I can start preparing defense statements against those traitor allegations.

First up, the Kamunabi convening at a little after 3 in the morning. Using Magatsumi's still on the table despite the sealing process being partially complete, obviously. And based on the discussion it seems like we'll probably meet Subaru, the Sushi Chef Bearer from Sushi Subaru next. Sorry girl Bearer fans. Hope Ms. Masumi in a suit can tide you over until then.

In terms of Kamunabi member insights, I'm really warming up to the mask Kamunabi guy that was impressed by Hiyuki's evaluation of Chihiro (and helped Kunishige hide after the war). He's the one who cares about the well-being of others the most out of everyone who we got to hear from. I'm thinking he's also a true believer in the mission with a more compassionate bent to his philosophy than Mutton Chops. Mutton Chops is pretty competent when he's not being a Rokuhira Hater, though.

Everyone else is pretty much on the practical discussion side to get us away from a bunch of talking heads as soon as possible. Except Ear guy- he's still as flippant as ever. I've still got my eye on you for corruption and/or negligent incompetence, buddy.

They all get failing grades for sending Chihiro back out again so soon, though. Guess we won't be dealing with the political side of the conflict just yet. Samura using Owl to monitor all of Japan for Enchanted Blade signatures is pretty spooky though!

Shiba and Chihiro

[Slaps Shiba] This bad boy can fit so much misguided grief in it.

The long conversation was a must-have and I'm glad it happened! I just wish it had gone a bit differently. Less Minimura, more just the two of them, you know? (Or solo Chihiro reflecting on things before Shiba comes in!) They've got a lot of complicated emotions going on and I really wanted to see more of Shiba's conflict over how he wants to protect Chihiro but also feels like he can't. It's been there in the background since Chapter 1 and this would have been a great time to dig into it a little more. He just watched Chihiro die in his arms and some stern faces are all he can muster?! After shaking and nearly crying for comedic effect over the stunts Chihiro and Hakuri pulled in Ch. 46? And busting into the hospital room with a yell in Ch. 11? Call it a nit-pick if you like but it just feels weirdly subdued from Shiba's end when he's normally so emotive about Chihiro's well-being. I guess this is the "heavy feelings make the comedy guy get serious" trope in effect. Boo hiss bad application, let this man be more emotional about his adopted nephew!

I guess I can at least appreciate that Shiba being subdued contrasted with Chihiro being the most outwardly emotional we've ever seen him (in the present) when he echoes the words his dad spoke to him:

Passionate, glossy-eyed Chihiro gets anything he wants forever and ever no questions asked.

CHIHIROOOO you need to rest and get some hugs, not go out and kill more people! But we're already well aware of why he's out here doing this, so... damn it, you get to go. Just don't keep accumulating wounds and stuff, OK? And don't freakin' die again!

I understand why Shiba didn't put up much of a fight when Chihiro asked for Enten back. He's driven by guilt just as much as the rest of the major characters this arc, especially over failing to protect Kunishige. Won't commit on the exact reasons right now but they're probably along the lines of "If I hadn't failed that day then Chihiro wouldn't feel the need to do any of this, so the least I can do is train him and catch him when he falls". This is good stuff honestly! I just wish we'd gotten to see a bit more of his inner thoughts.

The second biggest thing I disliked about this chapter was the implication that Chihiro finally heard at least some of the truth of things from Shiba there in the hospital room but we the audience still can't know about it yet. Which is fine for us- it's tough being teased about it for so long but I don't mind. What bothers me is that I think this is something that's important enough for us to learn about the same time Chihiro does. So we can feel the weight of whatever this monstrous cover-up was, you know? We're supposed to be on this journey with him, seeing the world from his point of view and coming to understand things as he does. Something this massive should have been dropped on the reader and the protagonist at the same time! I don't want the reveal relegated to a flashback in the middle of a fight- give it the full attention it deserves. But maybe the author's cooking again. No choice but to wait and see anyway.

Zombie Chihiro?!

HMM...

Samura spared Chihiro, which makes sense. He just wants Chihiro to stop before he goes too far down this path. But of course Chihiro's gotta have that clash of ideals and say "I'm a sinner too".

I did feel really bad for Chihiro again this chapter. Being reminded that he's just a nice 18-year-old kid pushing himself to be a killer out of grief and feeling like he can't turn back hits right in the kokoro. I hope we can see how a Bearer bonds with their sword since his contract with Enten was severed...! Samura can sense blades with contracts when they're in use so I wonder how Chihiro will adjust to that too. He's watching all of Japan for signs of enchanted blade activity so Chihiro might have to use Enten as a regular sword for a while.

Chihiro's rapid recovery could either be ascribed to Samura's precision in slicing him or some other kind of power, possibly from Tobimune.... HMM... do we really need more little details to chew on in this chapter? Sure, why not. Let's add another thing to ponder on while we wait for resolution on the all the other hanging threads too. At least this one's tied to some blade or Chihiro sorcery lore. If it's a Tobimune power, wouldn't Chihiro know about it? Unless it's a True Realm ability that hasn't been documented. More things to theorize over, yay...

It's also the last remaining shred of hope for Uruha being alive despite apparently being in autopsy. I'll admit, it's pretty damn fishy that Shiba can't get info and Chihiro refuses to believe the man is dead, so I guess I can't complain if my favourite goofy ronin dude comes back somehow. Would still prefer it if he was left definitively dead though because we have more than enough "but maybe?!" threads hanging around already.

Not to get too gruesome, but... if this is a flag that the Kamunabi are doing unethical things to Uruha's corpse, hoo boy. Oh man. I'm not ready for that kind of development despite being a horror fan.

The Sore Spot

Couldn't you have saved this for next chapter?

And then... a lotta Minimura exposition yap.

I feel like this conversation could have been pushed to the next chapter with Minimura stepping into the hospital room as the cliffhanger to end this one. It's just too much information overload and exposition when we've been begging for Chihiro to rest for months now in real time. Even if the in-universe timeline remained the same, it would have given us readers a lull while Chihiro had the heart-to-heart with Shiba and thought about everything that just went down. Heck we might have even gotten some time with Hakuri too.

The last page of Chihiro and the Masumi stepping out in suits was cool as heck but it didn't land due to how sick I am of these characters running from plot point to plot point. Now it's Chihiro and the ninjas out there doing Things and Stuff to find their answers from Samura... I'm interested in the conflict that will arise from Samura's old guards -basically his little family- fighting against him, don't get me wrong. It's got some very tasty parallels to Hakuri's story and resonates deeply with Chihiro's need to know the truth about the people he cares for so much. Again for the millionth time though, I just wish this had gone down a little bit differently.

Hakuri Where?!

There's a lot of baseless venting here and some raw, barely-edited thoughts- sorry in advance. This chapter is kind of an information overload (and I'll be honest, I got super petty over Hakuri's status being hand-waved away). I just don't have it in me to condense it all like usual. Sorry.

Oh, he's just drowning in self-hatred offscreen. Don't worry about it we gotta get going.

So, Chihiro's the MC and this is his story. Stuff with him will usually take precedence over other characters. But when you barely acknowledge Hakuri -ostensibly one of the most important characters in the cast other than Chihiro himself- in the aftermath of a series of major events that he was directly involved in like this, I gotta wonder.

I'd be happier if he wasn't mentioned or shown at all beyond still being alive because that would mean there was more to say that needed proper time to be allocated. But much like Chihiro waking up alone and the Shiba and Chihiro conversation, a prime chance for character and/or relationship quality time was skimmed over to keep the plot moving at mach five.

"Finer details not necessary."

I'm not saying this because I wanted HakuHiro hospital fluff that badly. I'm saying this as a Hakuri fan who's worried that he'll be reduced to an exposition and gag delivery tool. It's happened to some of my favourites before despite the prominent billing they got, and I hoped it wouldn't happen again here after the Rakuzaichi arc set Hakuri up to be second only to Chihiro in terms of narrative importance. But shoving him offscreen so we get updates about him indirectly -giving us no time to even see him wake up or express anything directly- feels like side-character treatment. You know, how Hinao was treated in Chapter 11 (where's she been lately?).

The best that can be hoped for is that he gives us a PoV that lets us explore the Kamunabi side more via his hospital stay somehow. Feels bad when the author clearly hates deviating from the action to do those kinds of scenes, so I wonder how much we'll actually see of Hakuri struggling and working through his issues while he's setting up plot points for other characters and the larger narrative. All while Chihiro's shoving him out of mind for one reason or another to keep focusing on the story events too.

Chihiro not checking in on Hakuri after he wakes up isn't a huge issue- that can readily be ascribed to guilt thanks to the panel of him recalling how he said he'd rely on Hakuri's help with a sad expression. He's worried in general too even if it would have been better if he'd been more proactive about expressing it. It's not like Chihiro has to wake up in a cold sweat and demand answers but shouldn't he be a little more concerned about his "equal partner"? Especially after all the emphasis put on how important they are to each other during the last arc?

Chihiro seems hesitant to broach the subject of Hakuri at all despite obviously caring a great deal.

The most generous interpretation I can make of this is that Chihiro and Hakuri are both too guilty to face each other right now. Chihiro's got a lot of other stuff going on anyway, so he can avoid thinking about the guilt of dragging Hakuri in to his mess by continuing on his mission. Meanwhile Hakuri's clearly thrashing himself something fierce. The panel of him curled up on the bed under Minimura's narration combined with him requesting the Masumi to help Chihiro in his stead is all we need to see based on what we already know- Hakuri is absolutely drowning in self-loathing right now. So he probably doesn't want to see Chihiro either even if he can get out of bed and walk himself over.

I don't want to go on a fuckhuge tangent about this but I've not got a lot of hope that these guys will interact or resolve the situation any time soon. It seems like very small potatoes compared to facing Samura, dealing with the Hishaku, and whatever's yet to come with the Kamunabi. Honestly, though? I just plain hate miscommunication drama. It's realistic here and very understandable from both sides but please, for the love of god, don't drag it out for the rest of the arc. Let them talk when Chihiro gets back or so help me God I really will think the author is pulling their relationship beats out of a generic BL tropes bin.

After Having Calmed Down...

Alright, alright. Enough of that. At least a few days passed between Chihiro waking up and rolling out again, we just didn't get to see it. So maybe they did meet up at some point. Or maybe the avoidance is to follow up on the "friendship" flags set up by Hiruhiko. Something about how they should still be relying on each other in situations like this instead of flagellating themselves in isolation. That's classic shounen, right? At any rate, we have Hiruhiko and Hakuri one-sidedly calling themselves Chihiro's friends for a reason, so we'll just have to wait and see what comes of that. I don't think that will end with Hakuri and Chihiro not being friends somehow.

Also, despite the dialogue about Hakuri not having much hope for healing his damage nerves, I'm pretty sure he will at least partially recover at some point. I just hope it's not entirely off-screen. The vast majority of character development in Kagurabachi happens through combat and the direct lead-up to the fights, which is a big strength of the series. But that also means that characters who can't fight don't get much on-screen development.

Hakuri's going to have some time to examine his circumstances in a future chapter after all the set up he got earlier in the arc. His thing will probably be learning to value himself; most likely in the sense that he's not just a tool, but a person. Hard to see how that will happen while he's stuck in recovery mode though. Will the author change tack and start having more scenes of talking heads and political drama to explore between action scenes? Seriously doubt it. So either Hakuri gets put on an expedited recovery schedule of his own or he'll be out of the story until he's useful to Chihiro('s story) as a sorcerer again. ...Not great vibes with so much of his trauma being tied to "utility=worthiness of love" but maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised? I hope?

It'll be really tough for him to learn his lesson for this arc if he's burnt out after failing to save someone he swore to protect, too. A day after finally proving himself to be a genius of rare talents capable of doing so no less. God this poor kid. He finally got everything he wanted and deserved and lost it all... well he didn't lose Chihiro and Shiba, but he probably thinks he deserves to right now. Especially since Chihiro seems to have left without seeing him even once.

Which would have just made his guilt worse anyway because of what happened to him and Uruha. Hakuri summoned Chihiro back in a panic and got him killed too! And now he's totally burnt out and may be forever, so he can't even try to make up for it by training his power and "earning" redemption by becoming stronger and saving more lives. The last thing he did with his abilities was fail to save a life he promised to protect and get his friend killed. He was already being crushed under the weight of what happened to Ice Lady and now...

Huh, wouldn't that kind of be a good point to make though? That you have to forgive yourself before the guilt eats you alive. Else you'll never stop self-destructing... wonder if the author will go that route for Hakuri and/or Chihiro.

... Man. The feelings I have about Hakuri are really messy and way too closely tied to my own life experiences, so it's hard for me to be objective about him and how I want him to be handled. His journey mirrors my own in so many ways and made this series a ride or die for me based on how he was written last arc. In terms of Current Events, though? From a neutral standpoint, I think we'll get scenes of him interacting with other characters for side-plot reasons while the focus is on Chihiro's exploits. From a personal standpoint, I want in-depth explorations of him like we got in the Rakuzaichi arc. I want to see more of that, as much as possible. Even if it means deviating away from cool spreads and Chihiro doing awesome stunts more often. (In other words: the author's priorities and mine probably don't overlap right now.) So even though I know objectively that it's just not time to get back to Hakuri yet, I'm anxious that even when we do it won't be handled with grace because he can't be directly tied to the action scenes.

There are a lot of complicated thoughts about how Chihiro interacts with people in general, too... Hakuri's not the only one who does the emotional heavy lifting when it comes to depicting the relationship between them. A lot of character screen time is devoted to establishing bonds and such with Chihiro but rarely from Chihiro's point of view in return. He's completely consumed by plot things and we don't know how he feels about the people close to him directly for the most part. Hakuri is actually the lucky one who got a whole few sentences of Chihiro's inner thoughts acknowledging him as someone stronger that one time! Everything else is left to context and facial expressions -which is appropriate for a relatively reticent MC- but it would be nice get in his head to hear what he thinks about Shiba, Hakuri, and others more often.

Normally I work all that feelings stuff out in a private draft, but I'll leave it here in case you were starting to think I was anything more than a sad sack mad man, dear void. Depending on how next week goes I might not post; maybe not until after New Year's if life keeps being difficult. Be kind if you're given a choice, okay? Take care out there.

[ninadove]

You know what, I bet Dracula moved up the food chain too, except he did it until he reached the human part of it, and thus he became a vampire, committing the ultimate sin. Renfield is imitating the method, until he feels Draula coming, and he belives the Master, the one who achieved eternal life on his own, will provide it to him by turning him.

ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING THOUGHT THANK YOU 🦇

[sysig]

The brainworms are winning, clearly (Patreon)

[5hrignold]

I LOVE HIM

[frootertooter]

YEYEEEHWEEHERHAH omg we can finally see how Crane develops overtime oghhghg yesyesyeysyeyesyesyes >:DDD

[fidgetspringer]

- Marten & Nohren -

[bamboozled-distress]

why is there so much hate on poppy 😭 god forbid a woman do anything