#and how easily she feels it comes to her because of that and augh! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ficbrish · 1 year ago

Text

The Truth of It

Rating: Explicit 18+ only!

[AO3 Link]

[Kinktober 2023 prompt thanks to @absurdthirst! October 20th - Thighfucking]

[[TW/CW: Cptsd, blood, suicide (mentions, ideation, past attempts—girliepop goes through it), death mentions, self-hate]]

Summary: Vistri opens up about her suicide ideation.

Act I - Mountains camp - After the failed zaith'isk/Githyanki cure

[Click here for my other Kinktober one-shots]

“Vistri?” Shadowheart called out her name a second time; right next to her, on the same bit of seating, and she still didn’t answer. Not even her favorite people could shake Vistri from the mood she’d fallen into, bog-like and hollow.

The back of her neck stung hot with Astarion’s consistent frown. His eyes, sharp with professed concern, had stalked her ever since she’d messed with the Githyanki’s purification device. It wasn’t the first time she almost died in front of him. With that face, if she were gone, he could easily find another bedroll to slake his lusts. Vistri didn’t know why he was pretending to be so bothered about it! Her disappearance should be a non-issue.

A general or an artist would be able to point it out, someone who could look at the lay of the land and positions of its people, and read stories. While everyone else was gathered in a group circle, passing around open hearts, laughing smiles, and shared bottles, Astarion stood in front of his tent, glaring at his lover who could hear nothing but the displeasure in his eyes.

As Shadowheart called her name for a third time, Vistri stormed off with a growl.

She’d been a puzzle to Astarion for most of the day, but this really took the cake. It was alarming to see her blink Shadowheart out of existence like that. Sure, they’d all known each other for only a few tendays, give or take, but from the outside, those two could have grown up together. If Shadowheart couldn’t take control of her storm, Astarion had no idea how his ship would fare it. All raging waters, she stomped in his direction like a 50ft wave.

Before he could get a word out to question why she marched over in such a fitful state, she huffed, “Stop it.”

Something in her tone and approach immediately ruffled his feathers. The sheer unpredictability of her made his anxiety appear before she spoke, and whatever it was that got under his skin, spiked it. He didn’t expect these kinds of feelings to ever be molded by her hands. It was always quite the opposite.

Betrayed, he swallowed, then bit back, “Excuse me?! Stop what?”

“Augh!”

Astarion clicked his tongue and lightened his tone, “Oh, dear. Did you misplace your charm? Because I do miss it ever so much.”

Thankfully, none of the others were nearby to witness Vistri’s moment of disgrace. They were all sitting around the old cistern, laughing and having a pleasant evening. Even Lae’zel, who popped a vessel every time they stopped to rest and whose “cure” turned out to be a lie of her people, was unusually animated. She kept egging on Karlach to ask Gale more questions about his grandad. Vistri was more likely to elbow a dear friend out of the way for a better view than sit there unresponsive. Her favorite thing to do was fuck around, and she hated being serious.

So, again, what was she doing bothering him for? What-the-fuck did he��do?! He was used to getting in trouble, made a habit of it actually; all he wanted was to know was why.

Astarion raised his brow, pointing to the merriment she’d left behind to come fuss at him. Then it knitted with the other one, “Are you sure everything’s all right—”

“No! That! Stop that!” One more version of, Are you okay? from his so obviously deceptive lips and Vistri swore she’d jump into the campfire.

“I’m sorry?”

“Augh!”

“Do you…? Do you need to sit down? Or?”

“I do not need anything. I’m fine! Please, spare me your false concerns.”

“False con—! Oh, I’m sorry! Did I dare to give a shit for once? Fuck me, I’m never doing that again.”

Frustrated tears began to well up in Vistri’s eyes. A crater opened up in her stomach, “No!”

“No?”

Because the thing was that nobody cared. No one who fucked her ever asked if she was okay, because Vistri was always fantastic, and even if one doubted that for even a second, all they needed to seek relief was just to sit back and enjoy her show. The audience may gasp at a particularly nasty fall, but she always shot up afterwards with a grand smile and confetti rained down on her head. Astarion asked without really being the first person to ask. He said the words, his brow screwed up, but there was no way in any of the hells that he meant it. And if she could just say, You scare the shit out of me because none of it can be real, then maybe he’d be able to clear things up for her.

But all she could articulate was, “Augh!”

Astarion sighed to calm his excited rage, “I’m lost. Am I speaking to Vistri? Or is this some sort of residual, pissed-off-tadpole effect?”

She bit her tongue to stop herself from spitting back with something truly nasty she didn’t really mean and would forever regret. Astarion looked like he was doing the same. His eyes were as sharp as his smirk, and there was something dangerous in his air. Like he was ready to fight to the death, and by the gods, so was she.

Vistri balled her hands into fists, so wanting to break whatever laid at the root of his giving a shit. To snap it like a twig, and watch it die in his eyes.

It was the only thing she deserved.

The tender glint in his eyes sliced through her, sharp like papercuts. She would lose his frowning lips, and the memory of her would disappear as others sucked them. Vistri wanted to kiss them before it was too late. Tangle herself in his tongue and his arms and his chest, until she was nothing but raw heat, just something for him to take. So the rage had nowhere to go.

She blinked back her revulsion, and the overflow spilled down her face. Embarrassed, her voice cracked, “My head…”

Astarion’s defenses shut down. His heart seemed to obey her voice; whereas before it raised his shackles and grit his teeth, it now stilled his rage and broke it down into tenderness. He stepped closer with the care he’d just promised never to show again. Instinctively, he caressed the sides of her head, as if touch could cure it. The gentleness of his gesture, its complete lack of hesitation, tore Vistri’s heart in two, with one side empty as the void and the other full to bursting.

“Did that wretched Githyanki device hurt you, love?”

She nodded. That wasn’t it, but it was an easier story. Besides, if everyone believed in it enough, maybe it would become true.

Astarion sighed, “I think you deserve a good lie down. Why don’t we head inside my tent?”

She shook her head, “I don’t want to be inside.”

He lifted her chin up with his finger to peer inquisitively into her face. Astarion’s eyes met hers with kindness, forgiveness, “What about a walk to clear your mind?”

She nodded her head gratefully.

“Then we’ll take a quaint little stroll around the cliff,” his voice was soft and a little cheeky, “Would that be nice?”

It was embarrassing for Astarion to act with the patience of a paladin, and even more so for Vistri to act in a way that required it. They wore those roles like ill-fitting clothes. With that awkwardness lingering around them, making the air sharp, they took a step forward. He led her to another part of camp, away from all the others and their merriment. To get uphill, they had to first walk a decline. He carefully guided her passed rocks that stuck out and ground that slid, like she was someone frail. A ghost had more presence than she did at the moment.

Discordant bits of laughter from the group carried over on the wind and hit their backs like mocking jeers, even though it had nothing to do with either of them. The only rooms they’d ever known filled one’s absence with group whispers. Astarion swallowed such blaring thoughts. Willing them away, he turned to the task at hand and gently brought her to the spot they claimed for themselves the other night.

“Care for a roll in the hay?”

She’d clicked her fingers, and about three bales of it exploded into existence around their feet that night. The proud cockiness in her smirk was too delicious not to lick up, and he’d devoured her with a similar pride. Guilty lusts settled in now with those memories. Astarion shook his head to clear it.

“Come sit,” he insisted, his tone harsher than he meant, “We wouldn’t want you falling over, and you seem rather dizzy.”

“Better?” he asked as she did.

Vistri nodded, but he saw it for the lie it was. Astarion knew more than most that sometimes there was no better. He sucked his teeth and sat down next to her.

“Does it hurt?”

“Hmm?”

“Your head, darling. Does it—?”

“Oh, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

The way she blew off his rare kindness brought him right back to his previous rage, like he’d never left it. His mood visibly soured.

“You’re doing it again,” she muttered.

Astarion scoffed, “Pray tell, what am I apparently doing again?”

She shook her head, “It’s so silly.”

“I could use a laugh.”

Vistri sighed, admitting bashfully, “You’re… You keep frowning at me. Like you care what happens to me—Or something! I don’t know what you’re playing at, but we both know what’s what here and I’d rather that than be played a fool.”

Her words struck his heart, and reminded Astarion of who he really was.

“Well… That wasn’t very funny. Try again.”

Vistri laughed, “You prick!”

For that second, he wasn’t a leech, and she wasn’t an empty glass. They stepped out of their roles to be Astarion and Vistri sharing a joke together. Then reality set in.

“I don’t like to see you hurt,” he said out loud, trying it on for size. It wasn’t wrong either. He felt like rats had been chewing through his veins as he watched her twist and shriek in the grasp of that alien machine.

“Afraid of the goods getting damaged?”

He smirked, “Obviously.”

Vistri pulled apart a bit of hay, watching it break between her fingers without seeing it, “I don’t know how to take… I mean…”

Astarion waited for her to continue, but more words never came. His hand reached for hers, “Vistri, I—I don’t want bad things to happen to you.”

That desperate look in her eyes pleaded for truth, but Astarion was lost as to what that was. A chill ran through him. She deserved so much more, and all he had to offer was himself, a falsehood.

He watched her try her best to believe in his words, and squeezed her hand, “Do you think it brings me pleasure to see you in pain?”

Vistri raised an amused brow.

Astarion chuckled, “Yes, of course that, but it’s not the same, is it?”

She smirked and scratched the back of her neck, “No.”

“Even with that, it’s not so much seeing you in pain, as it is seeing you let me do it.”

“Seeing me let you do what?”

His smile was devilish, “Anything I want.”

A bit of shyness colored her agitation. The more he watched her expression, the more it seemed to change to sadness. There was so much beauty to take in from the distance, but Vistri was staring out at nothing.

“Yeah,” she said.

Astarion brought her knuckles up to brush them with his lips. And kissed them bump by bump.

“My pretty pet… What is it that bothers you so?”

Vistri sighed, “You’re being nice outside of the bedroom and it’s weird.”

He scoffed and dropped her hand, “I’m nice!”

She leaned in and raised her brow.

“Don’t look at me like that. You make me nice.”

“Why?”

“Why? I don’t know why. It… Ugh! Maybe it rubs off!”

Uncomfortable with the heaviness, Vistri joked, “Gods know we do a lot of rubbing.”

He chuckled, looping his fingers through hers.

She looked out into the distance again. So did he.

As they sat there, Astarion played back every word and interaction he’d had with her that day, the day before, and basically any time they’d ever spent together. He was trying to figure her out on his own, and the more he contemplated, the more vileness crawled up his throat like bile. Every detail he went through made her more vulnerable, which made him more of a monster.

“What is it about this time?”

He was surprised she spoke. It had been a while since either of them said anything, “Do you really want to know?”

“Yes. I’m asking because I really want to know.”

“Now, now, darling. We don’t bite without asking.”

Vistri smirked her apology.

“I didn’t know I was being any different. Except… Why did you jump into that thing? That device? Wait—Don’t answer that, just listen. Because then I thought… That’s not the first time I’ve seen you jump in like that. Countless times… And then there’s me. And that’s the thing that explains it all, isn’t it?”

“What are you on about?”

“I think you’re hoping something’s going to come along and finally kill you. Like you died ages ago, and the moment to pass on keeps running by and you’re just… Well, maybe you’re just trying to catch up to it,” Astarion spoke plainly, without any weight, just a statement. He cleared his throat upon finishing his last word.

Vistri dropped his hand and laughed, “Silly boy!”

They’d held on for so long, letting go felt like losing a limb. Their empty, damp palms were chilled by the air as it breezed by.

“Right. Silly me,” he said with the absence of amusement.

“What do you want here?”

“What do I want? I don’t want anything,” he made a grand gesture with his hands, “I’m simply revealing my revelations.”

She scoffed, “What? That I’m just waiting for death? Aren’t we all?”

He sighed, “Forget I said anything.”

Vistri felt her lips tremble. She felt so stupid, “That’s it?”

“I was concerned. I said my bit. We can move on if you don’t want to discuss it further.”

She sat there and raged. Who the fuck was he to pretend to know her?

“You don’t care.”

“I never said I didn’t,” he didn’t know if that was true.

Biting her lip, Vistri tried to pull herself together. She needed to breathe, but a big wave of something ugly threatened to slip out with every bit of exhale. Her past was like an octopus, and the constant vibratory tension from his worry ripped a hole through the steel walls neatly containing it in a forgotten corner of her mind. Like a clean, empty facility, it was abandoned, yet well-tended to. His queries poked through the hole and reached around inside, and if even one tentacle got wind of the crack, all eight arms could slip out, and its head would follow like liquid.

Astarion could see she was on the verge of telling him something but needed a bit more encouragement. He grabbed her hand, “I think I do care. At least enough to wonder what that’s all about.”

Again, he didn’t know if it was true, but it felt… not like a lie.

“Promise me you’ll laugh?” she asked.

Astarion sighed, “If that’s what you want, I’ll do my best to oblige.”

“All right, then,” her smile was unnerving. It wasn’t just out of place in the moment, it was equal parts ‘grimace as a silent shriek’ and ‘grin of a delighted fey’, “I could tell you the story of what I was doing before the Nautiloid snatched me up. Does that sound good to you?”

“I guess…”

She still wore that same horrific expression, “I was on a cliff just like this one, trying my best to jump right in, as you put it before.”

As shocking as that was, it really wasn’t. He might’ve placed his bets on someone else if he’d have guessed, but he also wasn’t that surprised. Of course he was drawn to another soul as wretched as his. In the best of cosmic jokes, Astarion picked a mirror to play Cazador to.

He answered slowly, carefully as if navigating a minefield, “Yeah?”

Vistri pouted, “You promised to laugh!”

Astarion gave a weak, “Ahahahaha…”

She rolled her eyes, scoffing, “It’s funny!”

“Sure it is.”

“Whatever.”

“While the thought of you going splat is endlessly amusing, your delivery was all wrong, love.”

“What a critic!”

“Try again.”

Vistri cleared her throat, ready to be dazzling, "Okay, Hold on... It was a day just like any other day—”

“Gods! Not like that!” he teased, “We’ll be sitting here until the sun rises again.”

She glared at him, “I see you expect perfection.”

“I accept,” he spread his fingers and collected them back with a sweeping wave, “No less.”

She smirked at him slyly “There once was a Drow named Vistri, who some say was quite the mys-try!”

Astarion nodded his approval.

She proudly continued her improvised little song, “She went to jump over a cliff, but it was a miss. She took a step forward, oh my she was tortured! Then down from the sky came a very bad guy, and a tentacle scooped her up northward!”

Astarion couldn’t help but actually laugh with her this time, “It’s not funny! But—While you were stepping over the edge?”

“Yes! One foot hovering over the abyss,” she giggled, “Then poof!”

“If that would happen to anyone, it would happen to you. Or me, come to think of it.”

Vistri wiped the tears from her eyes, “It’s ridiculous!”

“It’s truly amazing, is what it is.”

“It never works for me, you know,” she said, “Any time I try to… Well. You know. It’s something in my magic, I was born with the powers of an old dragon I didn’t do anything to earn. My magic is always there—I didn’t ask for it, and more than just a survival instinct, it’s like a vengeance of life.”

“A vengeance of life? I can identify with that. I think I survived those two hundred years just out of pure spite. A stake through the heart felt like letting him win.”

“No matter what I try, it’s always okay in the end,” she continued, “I can’t even take myself seriously after a while. More than half the times I’ve… I’d be going over plans in my head of what to do later that evening. And after all those times, I’m still here.”

“I don’t hate that you’re still here.”

Vistri scoffed, “Yeah?”

“No, I mean it. I’m glad,” he took her hand back, “I benefit, at least.”

She smirked, but her eyes were dead. They filled and ran without noticing, just sitting there in her skull, barely looking out.

One “Ha” of a laugh escaped him that was more like a huff, “And immediately after, you had to fight for your life.”

“What?”

Astarion pointed to his head, “Tadpole. Big ship? Took us up? Remember?”

She chuckled, but it was so empty, “Shut up.”

“Do you really want me to? Or can I ask you another question?”

“Go on,” she said weakly.

“It’s rather broad, are you all right with that?”

She shot him a suspicious glance, but the accusation quickly melted into something else, “All right.”

Astarion sighed, and then simply asked, “Why?”

Like a child, she brought her knees up to her chest, and rested her chin in the crook of them. Her expression was thoughtful, not refusing. She looked like she was going to answer, and was just deciding how.

And then she didn’t. She just sat there and stared ahead.

The broken way he eventually said, “Oh, my darling…” pulled at her thread that was holding everything together.

“Don’t!”

Vistri was stiff as the rock around them. So unmoving, she was shaking.

“I’m sorry,” he said very calmly, “Is there anything I can do?”

She shut her eyes tight, and began rocking, “No. Stay there. Shush.”

He nodded and waited for her signal to do anything other than watch and freeze. The timelessness of the hells fell over their heads. Gravity felt steeper. Now was forever.

“Okay,” her voice broke the spell, and she looked up at him, nodding, to repeat, “Okay.”

Astarion flew around her, and for the first time outside of a whoopsie in battle or moment of fun, held her tightly, so tight, for the sake of his own aching heart. He kissed the top of her head reflexively. Warming her back with one hand, he cradled her face against his neck with the other. He genuinely wanted to do it, felt no ulterior motivation, but at the same time, a part of his mind marked his victory. Catching her up at a vulnerable moment, and being the shoulder she leaned on, would bind her to him like a warding enchantment.

“I’m so sorry,” he muttered senselessly, “I’m so sorry.” He had no idea whether he was apologizing for whatever she couldn’t say, or himself. Perhaps both. Perhaps a bit more for his own wrongdoing.

Only it didn’t feel wrong. And that scared him. Frightened him.

Vistri knew she was crying but couldn’t feel herself doing so. She knew she was being held by him, but rather looked out and saw it from above and off to the side. She thought she looked terrible, and he looked so fine. Dashingly picturesque and tragic.

Nobody ever held her the way he did now. She never felt such warmth, and they were both such cold people. How was it possible? Was it some dream?

She started speaking, “We’re more similar than you know.”

Right then, Astarion predicted the gist of what she was about to say. He could tell by the look on her face and the way her tone itched at his brain, she had her own Cazador. She also walked around weighted by invisible chains held by a very nasty man. Same prison, different jailor; he was understood. He found a home there in that knowing. Still, he’d give her his own rusted shackles just to lighten his burden, even if it meant crushing her under them. Anything to soothe the wound.

He’d warned her so many times; he was a thing that ate. He had real no say in the matter, the curse that fueled his undead life was a restless jaw. If Vistri was looking for a guide to a kinder world, she wouldn’t find it in his arms. They belonged to another very nasty man. Even though it was different this time, he’d take her with him to Cazador’s lair and someone would die. If only one of them were to make it out of this mess alive, well, he was a scrappy survivor, and she was the type to ball up and welcome oblivion. Anything to be free.

“Yeah,” was all he said, and it was so warm. Like an embrace, it held her softly, making her feel like something meant to be protected. She nodded tearfully into him. Leaning on him like this was an indulgence, but he tolerated it at least enough to let it happen. Vistri knew she had to pull herself together. The home she found was rented, and she could only borrow so much. Astarion had more to give, but it wasn’t for her. There was no way she’d be one of the lucky ones.

He kissed her head again, and caught himself, “Sorry. Is it okay to touch you?”

She nodded harder than the last time.

His chuckle was relief. To her, it was a song. He held her tighter. She dissolved. He’d taken off her mask, stripped her of her costume, and naked, she cried into his chest, “I just want to die. I want to be dead. And I can’t. I keep trying, and I can’t!”

Holding her at a moment like this was a key part of his plan. Step one, open her legs. Step two, her heart. It was a system as efficient as it was ugly and cheap. And it made him ugly and cheap, but it also made him safe. He closed his eyes, Vistri’s tears soaking through his shirt felt like fire and it burned into his cursed, cold skin like a holy symbol; a brand. It was like her body knew what lurked inside his, called him out for the parasite he was even as she was oblivious to it, and fought back to defend against him when she couldn’t.

Vistri sunk into him, tucked into his warmth. She found her breath again in his arms, and in the moment she came back to herself, started to laugh.

He peeked down, “What are you chuckling about in there?”

Her eyes still freely flowed, silent and thick, but she was more present than before, “In where?”

“My shirt,” he said, “My damp shirt, mind you.”

“How is that my fault?”

He glared at her, “What do you mean, how?”

“I told you not to ask questions.”

“Well excuse me for wondering about your tendency to… To—”

“Try to kill myself?” she finished, her tone too light.

Astarion sighed. She threw her head back and laughed. He didn’t join in.

“You promised!”

“Let me let you in on a little secret about me and promises,” he said dangerously sardonic, eyes lowered, “Besides, I already pretended to laugh earlier.”

“Faking it doesn’t count!”

“Maybe I’d find it funnier if…”

“If what?”

If what?

If the others wouldn’t kill him before her corpse was cold? If they didn’t rely on each other every battle? If the very thought of her…

“Oh, I don’t know! I don’t want you dead! Is that so horrible to believe?”

His grumpiness was sweet. They were always pretending, with each other, with everyone else. Vistri knew it the moment she first laid eyes on him. That’s why every word he uttered that she ever wanted to hear made her ache all over with a dull sorrow, and why the words he pushed her away with were such tender caresses.

“Of course it’s horrible,” she joked, smiling, “I can’t give you what you want and kill myself! However will my two worst impulses co-exist?”

Astarion smirked, “Shithead.”

She smiled, and that sign of life from her made his blood rush.

He kissed her cheek to whisper in her ear, “If you ever feel such a desire coming upon you in the future, come to me, darling. I won’t provide you a real death, but I have plenty of little ones to give.”

His advances flooded Vistri with relief, she knew who she was within desire. Who to be and how to be had familiar answers, and reuniting with any sense of self was such a comfort, she had her first real sense of stillness since breakfast that morning.

He was so close, she prayed he didn’t hear the way her breath gave out.

“I heard that,” he muttered against her cheekbone.

“No, you didn’t,” she giggled heatedly.

“Yes, I did. Now, I know you want it, but I can’t give you that yet. There’s something you must do first.”

“Gods!” she groaned, “Please tell me you’re not about to request I promise not to throw myself right off this cliff!”

He chuckled, “I wasn’t born yesterday! That’s not a promise you’d keep in the long term. Then I’d have to call off whatever this is between us because you’d be lying just to get in my pants, and that would be awkward because your lie would have been exposed just after you tried to off yourself.”

She laughed loudly, “I wouldn’t lie! I would just refuse, and eventually you’d fuck me anyway.”

He grabbed hold of her wrists and leered at her seriously with a piercing expression. Time seemed to stop.

Astarion observed her reaction to pick apart her every emotion, willing his own to remain carefully neutral. Her confidence was so hollow. Her eyes gleamed with the delight of having him wrapped around her little finger, and yes, gods yes, he’d suck it and moan and beg for more, but he was the one really in control. He had all the power because he was clearly giving her something she never had.

The first cut and all that.

Her fingers played with his chest through his open shirt. His heart skipped on its own at the brush of their tips.

“And what about you?”

His mind had wandered, and while he was away, one of her arms broke free to reach for him, “What?”

“How tempting is this cliff?”

“Me? Oh! Right. That, uh,” he paused with a scoffing chuckle, “No, my dear. Sadly, it was my wish to live that landed me in this spot in the first place.”

“And since?”

Releasing her other wrist from his grip, he answered dryly, “Everything’s been fairies and rainbows, and all my days have had happy endings.”

Vistri smirked, raising her brow, “Well, they do now, at least.”

He flashed a heated smile and lowered his eyes, “Why do you care to ask?”

She squinted at his question, like it had the sting of an insult, “I don’t know! Why do you care to ask me?”

“You’re right. That was horrible! Let’s never care again!”

He expected her to laugh but she looked rather serious. “I didn’t mean for you to worry,” her tone was small, and younger than he’d ever heard.

His smirk was friendly and understanding, “If it helps, I was more curious than anything else.”

“Curious?!”

There was a contentedness in his playful tone, “They call her Vistri, ‘cus she’s a mys-try!”

“Oh, stick to readership, darling.”

He growled and tackled her to the ground. She was breathless underneath him, laughing like every spot on her body tickled at once. Some might call it happiness, and maybe it was; Astarion felt it as acceptance. Overwhelming acceptance. So adored, he was given anything he wanted, completely spoiled. And if he was invited to take, why shouldn’t he?

“Remember that favor, my dear?” he asked, pinning her forearms above her head. Before she could answer, he leaned in for a kiss, one that was gentle and hungry.

Her sighs were moans, “Maybe I’ll wait it out.”

He kissed her neck and whispered, “Could you?”

The way she shivered was her answer. Astarion grinned and stroked her throat with the tip of his nose. From the base of it to her chin, and sealed his gesture with another longing kiss.

She was his.

Even if it meant degrading herself. Being his little slut, bent over and drooling. He moaned on the next stroke of her tongue, overcome by the whim to fuck her senseless. His mind reeled with possibility. Just how far would she go for him, out in the open air, with the others just off into the distance? How could he give her a taste of a life that was worth living?

“Get yourself off for me, dear.”

“Here?” Vistri asked, grinning. Her heart pounded faster than it already was.

They weren’t exactly discreet, but only ever touched each other tucked away in the woods or his tent. Here, out on the cliff where anyone might see… It was like he was claiming her. Like maybe some small part of his mind, or some feeling deep down, knew how important she was going to be to him once he realized his truth. That if he asked her to cum in the open air under the evening glow, she was worth something.

“The sun is disappearing, and I’ll cover you.”

Her grin grew wider, even reaching her eyes. She tried to tug one of her arms free from his grip.

“Ah, ah! No hands."

She looked at him curiously. Maybe he’d changed his mind about her. Maybe he had a delightfully naughty idea. Maybe this was the start of his attempt to toss her off the cliff.

He unwrapped one of her legs from around his, and slid his thigh between hers, “Use me.”

“Okay.”

Showing her how to proceed, Astarion rubbed himself against her middle. She bit her lip and began to roll her hips. Her obedience was like a drug, and they passed it with their tongues where it melted into them and infected their minds worse than those tadpoles ever could.

“Good,” he praised, just above a whisper. He fondled her neck, and the hand he let go of shot to his curls. His fangs throbbed, so ready to take her that he gasped as if biting into something hot whenever they touched her skin.

She made a sound he had to shush, it was too personal and way too explicit.

“I can block you from view, but I cannot stop your sound.”

She nodded, sighing and rocking against his thigh.

“All the pieces come together,” he said as she pleasured herself on him, “You’ve always given yourself to me so willingly. Let me bite you. Now I know why.”

Vistri tossed her head back, craning her neck, and sighed, “There are worse things than dying in the arms of someone pretty.”

“And if I had killed you that night?”

“I hope you would have drunk me up.”

A full, wanting, warm acceptance of himself—Not just his charm, but the monster, the ugliness in him. She wanted all of it, treasured all of him. He’d never been good enough for anyone before, just a disappointment under an illusion. But she made him feel like a god.

He groaned, composure slipping, “Ohfuckme…”

“Okay.”

“Not yet,” his grip on her arm loosened enough for him to travel up her wrists and interlace their fingers, “You haven’t earned it.”

She shouldn’t surrender. It would just be another attempt at non-existence. Why couldn’t she have answered with something along the lines of coming back to life just to drive a stake through his heart? Astarion wished it had been anything other than wanting him to have his fill, even if it meant her destruction. It was her will to be his sacrifice, to be truly devoured. He shouldn’t yearn for her so completely; cherish the way, I hope you would have drunk me up, fell out of her so blissfully, like belonging to him was a good thing.

Vistri playing with the point of his ear made him twitch and toss his head. The moan that betrayed him sounded so pathetic.

“I could wait you out.”

He chuckled, “No, you couldn’t. As much as I want you, I’m stubborn. Thrill me all you want, love, I’m determined for you to be absolutely dripping before I give you that.”

She arched her back, “I’m close.”

She wasn’t.

“Already?”

Not nearly, but worried she couldn’t give him his fantasy, she played the part.

The muscles on her face squeezed up real tight, and as her breath grew more shallow, she exhaled with high-pitched, little cries. Her tension peaked and melted away, “Already.”

It didn’t fool him one bit. In fact, he was sure that wasn’t even her finest performance. Like she’d started to pretend and went somewhere else, forgetting she was still on stage. Or a whore with ‘first day’ nerves. He was frowning when she opened her eyes.

“What?”

“Did you just fake it?!”

Vistri’s eyes grew real wide, and having been called out, laughed breathlessly, “Gods!”

“I was right! You faked it!”

She got caught up in another wave of laughter, “I’m sorry!”

Astarion smirked and tickled her sides, “Faking it doesn’t count!”

Squealing and wriggling to dodge his hands, she protested, “It wasn’t a lie! It was an attempt!”

“An attempt?! What is that supposed to mean? An attempt!”

Vistri couldn’t get a word in. She couldn’t breathe, “Please!”

He stopped tickling her so she could answer. Her breasts bounced with her heaving chest. His palms roamed over to cup them, “Did you not like it?” He’d thought of it just for her, and played with her nipples to distract himself from sudden choking disappointment. Buried in arousal, the sting ebbed away.

“No, I love it! Your thigh is heavenly, but you have other, better parts for pleasing—”

“How much better?” he interrupted in a heated tone.

Laughing, she answered, “Better than anything in the world! And not just this,” she brought her hand between his legs and gave that beloved, rock-hard part of him a squeeze, “Although it is wonderful, you have so many other parts for pleasing.”

“Just not my thigh.”

“It pleases, just not enough to bring a bout of ecstasy.”

“Do you want to stop?” He would at her command, but wasn’t ready to lose her.

She ran her hand along it, “No.”

A bright feeling ran through his spine, “You’d like to continue?”

“I do,” her hips resumed their flowing movement.

Her validation killed his fears, and so grateful for the throne to her world, a soft smile nestled in his expression, tugging at the corners of his mouth, “Give yourself time to get there, darling. It’s the journey, not the destination. I can watch you burst any time I want, but for now I want to observe as you slowly unravel.”

“Okay,” she moaned.

“And no performances this time. I will be very displeased. Do you want me displeased?”

She shook her head, “No.”

Anything but that. She’d be good for him so he wouldn’t throw her out.

“Good. Now slow down. You’re not just any rutting pup. You’re my little dragon and these sensations are your treasure. Lurk among your treasures, dear. Survey them, indulge.”

Her thrusts followed the command of his voice. She let them linger, like a slow drip.

“That’s it,” he praised, squeezing her breasts until she gasped.

Astarion looked around, and no one was in sight. The others would stay on the other side of camp for most of the evening and had no reason to pass by other than Lae’zel and Shadowheart, but it was still unlikely either of them would see.

He tugged her shirt lower, stretching it until her breasts spilled out through the top. Gravity squished them into perfect spheres under her neck, and her nipples just peaked out.

His tongue felt so warm on them. The impact of bumping into his thigh and the tight grinding against his femur were her favorite treasures, and then his roaming mouth was added to her pile. She could feel her pants bunching up as they soaked with her, and the damp cloth pinched at her skin as she humped him. The sting of it was a rainfall of coin over her glittering pile of sapphires and amethysts.

Kissing her deeply, Astarion took her hand and moved it back to his bursting laces. Their fingers tangled, undoing them together. When they were loose enough, he pulled her hand through the opening and wrapped it around his cock.

“Gods!” he groaned as she stroked him skin to skin.

Throbbing under her fingers, pulsing, hard; the perversity of her hand dipping into his trousers, riding his leg, nearing completion; his taste, his smell, his focus trained on only her: These were diamonds, so sharp they cut her. But they were so beautiful! And clear, and shone so bright!

“If I outlast you,” she sighed, “Then I win.”

She might win. Astarion did his best to hold back, but he was leaking in her hands.

“What would you win?”

“The mess of you all over my skin.”

He tried to think of something else, anything else, other than the image that conjured. It brought him too close. Teetering on the edge and planting his feet there, he moaned and it sounded like something dying.

Vistri gasped as it met her ears, bringing her closer.

His hands wandered down to her bum, and squeezed it in both hands, adding more pressure to her thrusts, bringing her closer to him. Closer and closer. Her bones started to hurt, ground away by his, but that ache was a handful of rubies, red and lush.

“Harder,” she said.

Astarion tightened his grip, leaned into her movements. He held her so near she could nuzzle her face into his shoulder. His skin was a pearl against her cheek.

“Kiss me,” Vistri pleaded, and when he did, she lost.

“I’m—” a little possession, a bit of a wail, and she could no longer speak.

In her rapture, she ceased her stroking, gripped him like a pulsing cunt, then left her palm hanging limply under his laces. His eyes were fighting to roll back when she let go, and even as he was grateful for it, just the brush of her unmoving hand was enough to be dangerous.

He pinned it above her head to take it away, “And now you’re mine to take.”

Her face was flushed, her breath still gone. “Yours to take,” she repeated as consent.

Pulling down her trousers, he found a river of her. He pushed her thighs up into her chest and took a look between them. Her pants were soaking, their slit a dark spot.

“All mine?” he asked.

She nodded, giving herself to him entirely. The fact that he wanted it made her blissful, like she belonged.

“Well, well, well,” he brought his face lower and spoke between her legs, “Might I have a taste? You smell de-licious!”

“Yes,” she whimpered, trembling. He gave a long, lingering lick along that dark spot, and she arched her back, groaning.

Astarion lifted his head to take another look around. The position they were in now was a bit more conspicuous. A dark part of him wished the others were around to watch him feed.

He kissed the back of her thighs, and she didn’t let even one of them slip by without a reaction. His tongue wrapped around the soaking strip of her pants, and he peeled them up to the crook of her knees with his teeth. A hungry whine left him, being so close to her skin flushed with pumping supper.

His nose nuzzled the back of her knee, tangling in her underwear, “Turns out a taste was just not enough. Mind if I take a bite?”

“Please!”

Her back writhed pleasantly against his cock as he sunk aching fangs into her flesh. He hadn’t anticipated the force of her leg pushing against his face. Her arms were so much weaker, and her neck never offered any resistance. Oh, but he liked it! Astarion felt vicious, attacking and taking something that fought back.

Having taken enough, he forced himself to stop. He pressed his tongue against the wound until it closed and gave it a kiss. Then he licked up every drop of crimson dripping down her lavender thigh. His tongue strayed its course, finding her middle. Vistri grabbed his head as he indulged in another kind of meal.

It was one of his parts she said was good for pleasing. She’d already earned him with one little death, but he gave her another, and another.

After the fourth, she summoned her very best begging voice, “Please, fuck me!”

His face was covered and shining with her wet. It even dripped down his throat, mixing with smears of her blood, “I thought I was.”

“Bury yourself in me.”

He made a quick vow to himself that it wouldn’t be over the moment he did. Then dove in with an uncomposed groan, “Fuck’ssake!”

The genuine sounds of what she tried to fake earlier were in his ears, right under them.

“Already?” he asked.

“Already!”

His face screwed up tight with hers, and as she pulsed around him, he yelped with the effort to hold back.

At the end of his cock, her chest pried open as if split down the middle, exposing her insides like two heavy doors creaking their welcome. Astarion felt himself crawl up her gut and slip into her heart, where sitting inside it, he could reach up with clawed, wretched fingers and tear at her throat. Then he’d kiss it better, the only one able to do so, and she’d never leave his side.

He felt her fingers on his chest, and found himself facing a pair of attentive eyes.

“Come back to me,” she asked like it was a favor, with a touch of light affection, an air of breathlessness, and enough simplicity that it was safe to come back.

“Hello there,” he smiled.

Vistri pulled him close for a kiss so full of gentle, living heat it was a hearth.

“It’s okay,” she said, forehead pressed to his, “You can let go.”

Starved of something in her tone, his body released into hers.

“Vistri!” he called out her name like it was the only thing that could save him. Then caught himself, realizing he’d been loud enough to carry across camp, “Shit!—Huh!”

Her arms flew upwards, wrapping around his head as if to help him keep his soul from seeping out. She couldn’t help the way her body responded to his echoes of pleasure by leaping into another wave of ecstasy. Just to be with him. A reflex of hers that must’ve been borne from her haunting impulse to follow him anywhere.

Unable to leave her, he let himself slide a little in and out; slow, slight strokes. Then finally stilled. They stared at each other a long while before moving apart.

“We should get cleaned up.”

“Right,” he muttered, “Right.”

She kissed the tip of his nose and giggled, “You have to get off me.”

He pecked her ear, “But I don’t want to.”

She laughed heartily and tossed him aside, “Get off me!”

“I was comfortable there!” he whined.

“Tough shit,” she grinned.

Astarion smiled back with empty eyes, sure that her grin was meant for someone else; the person he pretended to be.

“Are you all right?”

Apparently, he was unable to hide. When a lie didn’t work, there were always deflections.

“I’m more than all right! How’s your head? Didn’t steal too much of you, did I?”

“Astarion.”

When deflections failed to take, the only thing left was trading one truth for another. What could he sacrifice to keep the main thing hidden? It had to fit the same feelings as those he already wore.

“I just keep thinking… And excuse me, it’s quite selfish,” he moved some hair out of her face, “If you’d gotten what you wanted, you and I would never have met.”

Her round eyes were so fragile as they looked into his. All of her walls were knocked over, and the part of her that sat there was all raw existence.

She grabbed his hand, kissing his fingers. “All right then,” she rolled those round, breakable eyes, admitting, “I’m glad we did.”

Vistri was his. He squeezed her hand as if to tell her, never let go.

Rooted to the spot, they sat together and looked out at the view, actually seeing it this time. They deserved to have a nice sunset. One nice sunset.

“You’re unusually quiet.”

“I’m just taking everything in. Look at it! Aren’t you glad we aren’t just stuffed in your tent?”

Astarion raised his brow, “Insulting my castle is no way to get invited back, you know.”

She giggled and nudged his shoulder with hers, “It wasn’t meant as an insult.”

“You sure?”

She laughed, “Are you scolding me, Astarion?”

“No!”

“You are! Like you’re my mother or something! Well… Not my mother. She wouldn’t give a shit if I hurt myself. She scolded me plenty, but only over being an embarrassment or an inconvenience. Sometimes both.”

Vistri never talked about her past with any of them. Not even himself, who couldn’t stop telling her about Cazador once he started. It made Astarion hold his breath, afraid to chase away her confessions with the slightest disturbance.

“Gods! How in the hells did I end up talking about my mother? What a silly thing…”

Astarion leaned back, “I don’t know. Probably for the same reason I mention Cazador from time to time. If she’s as bad as she sounds.”

Vistri chuckled, “Her and Cazador would probably be friends.”

“He did often call me an embarrassment and an inconvenience.”

Vistri looked down shyly, “You’re not either of those things to me.”

Astarion took her hand, “Thank you. And neither are you. You know that, right?”

“You flatterer,” she teased.

His smile was a heapful of sorrow. All his lies were true, and his truth was a lie. His pretty songs echoed his real heartbeats. His determination to trap her was a sham, for he’d got caught up in it himself. She was right, Astarion was a flatterer, but he also wasn’t.

Neither confirming nor denying his accusation, Vistri settled for the worst case answer. He was probably looking for an excuse to leave. They always met up for this so much later in the night, and the sun hadn’t fully set yet.

Not wanting him to go, she turned her attention back to the view around them, “You know this big crater around us was probably an ocean before?”

“Actually?” he asked, grateful for a change of subject.

“It’s what must have made this shape. Well, that or a god’s great big fist,” Vistri rambled, “But I bet we’d find a lot of old bones in this stone if we looked for them. That’s what would tell us for sure.”

Astarion brushed his fingers lightly over her fist. She opened it so his fingers fell gently into her palm. He stroked along its curves until she closed her fingers around them.

“Would they be fish bones?”

“Ancient fish bones! And they probably wouldn’t even look like any fish we know. They might even look like monsters!”

“You like those,” he smirked, “Don’t you?”

“I don’t think of you as a monster. I think of you as a vampire.”

Like he was part of a species and not just a classification of Undead. Natural, and not a twisted version of life. Heart aching with the idea, Astarion’s eyes softened, showing Vistri an emotion she wasn’t sure he was capable of. Something she’d given up on ever earning from anyone.

“A rather refreshing perspective. Just look at that waterfall! Isn’t it darling? And that little river that runs with it.”

Vistri nodded her head against his breast and stated theatrically, “All that remains of a mighty, prehistoric sea.”

The colors in the sky were candy-bright before they grew dark. They were still holding onto each other’s hands when the stars came out, even though they’d shifted positions as often as conversation topics.

It was only allowed because they pretended not to notice.

Lying down was better for looking out at the stars, but Vistri was so exhausted, it was hard not to slip into trance whenever she blinked her eyes. Astarion watched it take over, her face tucked in the nook of his shoulder.

Poor thing. She didn’t deserve to be cast under his spell, another of his cursed conquests. Even though Baldur’s Gate was still far away, and the tadpole took away the power of compulsion, every time his heart skipped for her, it sang, Caz-a-dor, Caz-a-dor, take her to Caz-a-dor! Any time he felt a part of himself wishing they’d met much sooner, Astarion was reminded she would have just been discarded like all the rest.

Sighing, he tried to slip into his trance. He closed his eyes. Opened them. They were on a cliff, how stupid would they be to remain unconscious here. Careful not to rouse her, Astarion untangled himself from her grasp to get up and carry her.

With his cursed heart pumping her dragon blood through his muscles, she was so easy to whisk away. He had to look where he was stepping, but her face proved such a distraction. The moonlight bounced off her silver scales and set her periwinkle skin aglow.

He smiled, stopping for a moment to appreciate—”Mother of fuck!”

Lolth didn’t guide her Drow towards pretty memories, she filled their heads with living nightmares. Whatever Vistri saw in her trance, it wasn’t bunnies. Still deeply within it, she’d reached out and punched Astarion vaguely in the nose with a whimper. He almost dropped her.

“Hells, girl!” he muttered, readjusting her in his arms.

At least some part of her fought back. The pulsing pain in his face was a reminder of what he deserved. As he walked passed the dying campfire, he leaned over and blew angrily into it, hoping that was enough to revive it but not really giving a shit either way. Then he tucked them through his tent flaps, and set her down with care.

She was simply the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Just one part of her face; whether the metallic scales across her brow with her eyes closed under them, the shape of her nose and a peek of cheekbone at the side, or her pouting lips that rested over her chin; was equivalent to an entire sunset watched from a cliffside, on a mountain, towering above lively rivers and waterfalls. Such beauty required a tenderness he was too base to give. Pride in ownership soiled the sweet whispers of his heart. Greed reverberated through him, and loathing for himself echoed out of every pore.

Astarion frowned as he surveyed Vistri on the floor of his tent. She couldn’t be too comfortable. Torn between the idea of fixing it and accidentally waking her, he started to pace around for a solution.

Like a sickly, potent stomach acid, he’d consume her slowly; digested through the mouth, by his tongue. His doing. He had a rot he needed someone else to hold.

With no good way to toss her into a bedroll, he made a nest of some blankets, and rolled her on top. Treating her like a baby bird, he adjusted her neck to rest on a cushion. He moved hair away from her face, caressed her cheek, and stopped himself from planting a peck on her brow.

He changed his mind as he settled in next to her. His racing thoughts made trance unreachable, but when his lips met her cool forehead, a peace came over him. Astarion took a deep breath through his nose before pulling away, and his eyes thickened with a bit of moisture.

“Rest up,” he whispered. And when he next closed his eyes, trance came to him. Unlike hers, it was his only refuge from nightmares.

[Click here for my other Kinktober one-shots]

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skyland2703 · 7 months ago

Note

Just gonna toss some random PR at you and see what sticks now that you're out of hibernation:

MMPR #121 is out and I....hate it:

I really, really, really want to be happy that we get to see Adam and Rocky and some character development in the wake of their possession, and get an entire issue based around Billy, but it all really just goes downhill from here. The only nice thing I can say is that Hendry Prasetya's art has gotten very smooth and I quite like it compared to previous chapters.

However, revisiting old Dual MM and PR chapters has made me happy finding little gold nuggets around that actually speak to true personality:

Next to Dan Mora, Marco Renna mighty be my favorite artist for this series. At least I can stand to look at Zedd with this style.

And also: THIS ☝🏿☝🏿 I miss this kind of thing.

I know we've all had fun throwing rocks at the Eltarian War Arc, but I cannot be the only one that sees the VERY EASILY streamlined version of events where this would have been perfect for Identity Reveal, Action Survivor, Big Damn Heroes, Big Ego/Hidden Depths, The Chosen Zero, Karmic Jackpot, Kleptomaniac Hero, Chekhov's Gun, Everything is Trying to Kill You, Strolling Through the Chaos, and an Establishing Character Moment tropes for...our babies Q_Q Honestly, so much fanfic possibility. Wish I could figure out how to make it work...

Also, just random pics of the minions being CUTE.

AYIYIYIYIYIHFRBHJTFBRVDCENDFR

This is the best thing i could've gotten coming out of hibernation, tbh. THANK YOU.

what the FUCK have they done with Billy's HAIR. Why do they look like THAT. (They've drawn Adam and Rocky beautifully but wtf billy.)

Feeling SO bad for adam and rocky they look BROKEN 🥺

Who's the lady in red?? Is she a ghost?? Can nobody else see her??

Zedd looks very overconfident, and is talking about how overconfidence will be the end of them... hmmmmmmmmm

i really like Zedd's art style! Marco Renna does a GOOD JOB O.O

But seriously wtf was that with Billy's hair.

i think i screamed at this. THIS IS CHARACTER <3

7. THEY HAVE AN EXECUTION ORDER TO MELT ALPHA???? i know it's supposed to be a serious scene but THAT many eltarian soldiers for one alpha, it's making me laugh awdhydfsvfadwfrgt 8. BULK AND SKULL BULK AND SKULLLLLLL!!!!!!!! HELLO BABIES!!! I love this style for them, they look so CUTE and smushable and cheek-pullable. Skull being depressed about Candace and bulk distracting him and cheering him up AND THE WAY THEY RUUUUNNNNN *wipes stray tear from eye* BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN <3

9. who is this man. why does he look like that girl from hinger games. 10. did they melt the alpha yet??

11. THIS ART STYLE. FOR THEM. YOUR HONOR I LOVE THIS PANEL (and they're shooting Matt. Lol i love that) 12. The empyreals?? IS THAT A BLUE KATAPPA 13. Jailbreak blue lady is Candace, I assume?? (She'd have looked prettier with blue hair, tbh. Why couldn't they just make zordon the bald eltarian. Why'd they have to make ALL ELTARIANS bald????) 14. Bulk and Skull are literally interviewing aliens. I don’t know how amazing THAT is, but also i cant stop laughing at the image of Mr. Blue katappa in my head.

For reference, this is Katappa.

Angry old general man who is one of the biggest memes here.

15. ERNIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 16. "Honestly, so much fanfic possibility. Wish I could figure out how to make it work..." <- you say, let me read this arc. Then I'll yell at you about it.

17. WAS THIS YOUR TRAP TO MAKE ME FALL INTO THE ENDLESS PUDDLE OF THE ELTARIAN WAR????? because i think it worked 18. GOLDAR!!!!!! Kim going "saved by gOlDaR?? I’m gonna need a minute" *cackles*

19. Taking a minute to appreciate THIS. How CUTE. AUGH. 20. and Goldar in that veryyyy last panel. BRO. GOLDIEBRO. I FEEL YOU. it's the downfall era for ALL of us. WHY MUST WE SUUUFFFERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

i have so many thoughts here awdsfghbdfjsvns I NEED TO READ THIS ARC!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU AUGMENTT ASDNRGHJFDSCSEJDFG

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kiisuuumii · 7 months ago

Text

@kiisuuumii's writerly questionnaire !

thank you @lead-to-code for tagging (ily kara <33)

i'd love to see yall's answers (only if you'd like to share of course !) @noahsbong @yearning-rambles @thesorcererpoet

about me:

1. when did you first start writing?

i was maybe between seven and nine ? to be honest, i can't really remember when it was, but i remember the first few things i wrote were story quizzes on a (now gone </3) website called quizilla (it was naruto rp....................)

2. are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

not really, now that i actually think about it ! ive always been the type of writer that only liked writing angst, and even outside of writing (fan) fiction (which tbh i dont do very much of anymore), so much of my poetry either comes from heavy emotion or features it so sdghjksd

3. is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

theres one mutual, actually, who i actually wished i could write more like. in a very self-deprecating way, but ive since become very comfortable, and maybe even happy (!), with my style of writing ! so, no, i'm not really looking to emulate anyone in particular, and no one's ever made a comparison between my work and someone else's so no to that one too :0

4. can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (room, coffee shop, desk, etc)

i usually write on my phone, in the notes app or in my drafts here ! and ill usually only write in a (head) space where i can really think, undisturbed, for at least 30-45 mins. so i'll usually be out in my backyard under one of my calamansi trees ! though, lately, ive been occasionally writing at my desk on desktop tumblr :>

5. what's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

fall in love with someone

once i start thinking about how everything around me is alive, i start remembering that i, too, am apart of nature—a lucky enough set of sequenced mutations, to make me—just a eating, breathing, shitting animal. how lucky this set of mutations is to take it all in, the emeralds in the trees, and the beat of a chipmunk's heart, how scared we all are.

that or love

6. did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

people, no, but places, yes. i grew up for most of my childhood in the desert, and i have /always/ hated summers, because i'm kinda heat sensitive, and i sweat easily, and i hate it i hate i hate it djhks

but, a year ago, i moved back home, and, honestly, since being back home, ive come to appreciate the desert a bit more sgkjds i used to think they were ugly and uninteresting, but there's so much more there if you look a bit harder imo

7. are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

honestly !! i think there are plenty obvious ones, but i really wanna talk about /the lack of/ sexual themes in my work !! i wanna write more sexetry or whatever, but it feels really embarrassing to sdghks i really like writing them too, but again !! it just feels embarrassing !! ;w;

my characters:

1. would you please tell me about your current favourite character? (current wip, post wip, never used, etc)

not to copy of kara dskjfs but i love my first (and my current) d&d chara !! her name is maeve umerie, and shes a drow wild magic sorcerer / (planned artillerist) artificer !! shes so packed full of trauma and self-harming behaviors and addictions that i dont even know where to start <33 (i promise i love her i would actually be so devastated if she died before i could give her a proper happy ending </3)

2. which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

i have this fantasy novel thought that ive floated in my head since maybe september-october of last year, and, in it, i have a character named levin hel, and AUGH hes just a sweetie :^( hes the son of a blacksmith-gunsmith duo who know a thing or two about magic, and is the apprentice to the son of the wizard who saved his life (who's name is nox, and he's an asshole ! but also i love him so much ;v;)

i need go go back to all my notes and stuff on it, bc i invested A LOT of time worldbuilding for it, but yea levin's a very kindhearted person, very much wanting to be like nox's father :'''^) </3

3. which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

i would absolutely hate to meet maeve mother. she's horribly self-serving and emotionally manipulative. she rules the house with an iron fist, and anything less than the best is worthless. she uses everything at her disposal to get what she wants, family or not.

4. tell me about the process of coming up with one, all, or any of your characters.

im ngl most if not all of my characters are just bits and pieces of me and my wants in different aus >_> .................................

5. do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

family and/or religious trauma mhm yep

6. how do you picture them? (as real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc)

for my fantasy wip, i imagine imaginary artwork, but for maeve, i have pieces i've drawn and pieces i've commissioned of her !! id love to someday get pieces of her family and other major characters in her past commissioned :>

my writing:

1. what's your reason for writing?

i will say that it's changed over the years. as a kid, and up until college, i've wanted to always be a story-teller. but, lately, i dont really have a reason for writing, other than to satisfy the thing that lives inside me that wants to write :^)

2. is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particular motivating coming from your readers?

knowing other people's reactions, getting to hear how something made them feel emotionally, or physically, or if there was a particular thought or memory that came to mind. i love knowing what people see, what my work makes people see, if anything.

that or if theres something, a word choice, or a line, that you thought was clever or struck you !!! i always love knowing people's thoughts !!!

3. how do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (for example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who "gets" the human condition; as a talented world builder, as a role model, etc)

i want to be thought of just as another person, honestly. someone who had very human emotions, and did the only thing she knew how to do.

4. what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

uhhhhh im ngl i think this is also my greatest weakness but i have a tedium to my world-building, in that i need history-book-level details of my worlds or i will die (like i drew my own map. i drew a fucking map of an entire contiment)

5. what have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

yk,,,,, no ones given me a whole lot of specifics so im not sure,,,,,

6. how do you feel about your own writing? (answer in whatever way you interpret this question)

i said it before, but im pretty content at the moment with my poetry. though with prose, i think i could probably improve a bit sdgjksg

7. if you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

uh yeah !!!! i write and record voice memos in my journal fully knowing no one will ever read it or listen back right now as it is so !!!!

8. when you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it's a mix of the two, which holds most influence?

i gotta be honest, writing is a selfish act for me. i write because i want to, in ways that tickle my fancy dgkjds

it really is almost like an instinct for me

#★#.png #hehe thank you for tagging kara <333 this was a lot of fun to think about !!#i hope these answers are satisfactory to anyone curious :>

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salty-an-disco · 1 year ago

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Drew that thing I was thinking about- now, what is this about Mae and Gregg and Cold and Contrarian parallels? (Looking at you very politely)

Him melting aomsksjdxkdoke. so cute <3 Augh. Thank you so much for the contrahero, I’m love them T^T

Now– onto the Gregg&Mae and Contra&Cold parallels– *cracks knuckles* (warning: long ramble ahead)

The most obvious similarities is how dismissive all these characters are of danger and death. One of the first things Mae does when she comes back to town is climb to the wire lines so that she can go over a fence. And before that, she almost got crushed by some tree trunks and this is her reaction:

And on your first encounter (and Mae’s reencounter) with Gregg, those two easily fall back into a familiar bit: listing off horrible things that could’ve happened to the other one, seemingly trying to one-up each other in tragedy levels (that ‘too bad…’ game). To these two, danger, risk of death and injury, it’s all entertainment. Something fun to do with your closest friend. Each of Gregg’s hang out is a dangerous and illegal activity that Mae is happy to go along with (smashing lightbulbs with bats, firing a crossbow on a statue or birds, the knife fight, stealing an animatronic, etc, etc, etc).

Just from this, you can already see where the parallels start. Much like Mae and Gregg, Cold and Contrarian also don’t really care for danger, not really believing consequences are a thing, and going along with whatever would be the most fun.

There’s a very crucial difference though, and it’s that Mae and Gregg are actual people that grew up in a community full of other people; and I think looking into their character arcs more thoroughly could really help to see how Contra and Cold could develop in the real world, or even the kinda people they could be if they were always humans.

First, Gregg:

When you first meet him in Snack Falcon, he’s incredibly energetic and excited to see Mae, happy stimming, screaming, and immediately deciding they need to do a band practice. Those are the first things we learn about Gregg: energetic, impulsive, has a bit of a morbid humor, and really missed Mae. And after meeting with the rest of the band, Bea and Angus, he’s apparently the only one there who missed Mae; both Angus and Bea seem more bemused than enthusiastic, and Casey (someone both Mae and Gregg mention fondly) is nowhere to be found.

That immediately presents Gregg as Mae’s main support, besides her parents, back in Possum Springs, since everyone in town seems to dislike and distrust her for one thing or another she did in the past, but Gregg never seem to care. He’s on the same wavelength as Mae, and because of that, Mae thinks fondly of him. In the midst of all the mess that was dropping out of college and going back home, hanging out with Gregg, doing stupid and illegal shit is a reliable, and maybe even cathartic, source of comfort.

At least– that’s what Mae was hoping for. But Gregg is planning to move out with his boyfriend, Angus, sometime in the future.

And when you think about it– that’s perfectly fair. Gregg is a queer man, heavily implied to be neurodivergent (bipolar is mentioned at one point in the game), living in a conservative small town; of course he’d want to leave as soon as he could. And it’s not like it’s easy for him either, he knows what kind struggles they’ll run it, Possum Springs may suck, but it’s familiar and where everyone he knows is. But he HAS to go, it’s the only way he can grow. (Let’s shelf this for later for now).

And not only that, but much like Mae, Gregg’s also dealing with his own mental issues.

With some more prodding from Mae, we learn that Gregg and Angus have been arguing, and it’s really heaving on Gregg, making him feel like he’s not good enough. Paraphrasing his own words– “Maybe I’m inconsiderate. Maybe I’m not good. I’m just parking lot trash. I’ve known it all along; I’ve got no future if it was just me.”

And that’s what he’s scared of. Being with Angus gave him hope and a future to look forward to, when before, he was most likely just trudging along and whatever happens, happens, much like Mae is doing for the entire game. But now, he has a future, and someone he cares for. And he’s terrified of screwing it up, of losting the one thing, failing the one person he so badly wants to do right by (*gestures vaguely towards ContraHero*).

And Mae doesn’t really understand. She doesn’t know what it is like to have something to worry about, or a future to prepare for. She went to college, yes, but her heart was never in it, she only went along with what her parents wanted and as soon as it got too bad for her to handle, she dipped and went back to Possum Springs, where everythings more simple. Except, it isn’t anymore. Bea hates her, her parents are disappointed in hee, Gregg will be moving out soon, and everyone remembers what she did to that kid in the softball game.

Speaking of–

Let’s talk about Mae’s reputation in the town.

(sounds familiar........ 🤔)

We immediately catch up that Mae was a troublemaker in town by how everyone talks to her. Her aunt mall cop already sounds exhausted (if unsurprised) after seeing that Mae jumped over the fence instead of going the longer way around to the town’s entrance. Mae is known for stealing, vandalizing, causing trouble to the elders, and, more predominantly, of sending a kid to the hospital back in high school (where the ‘killer’ nickname came from). That last one is treated as one of the main mysteries from Mae’s past, together with the reason she dropped out of college. No one in town, and we, the player, really know why she did that, and Lori M (the rat girl up there^) mention their mothers warning kids to stay away from her in case she snaps again.

Mae, for the most part, acts unaffected by this, and seems to embrace her troublemaker status; in a confrontation with an old man that was directly affected by Mae’s behavior in the past, you have the option to double down and insult him back, basically confirming his statement about how Mae hasn’t changed, and is still just the same kid that’s always searching for trouble.

And, yeah, during the day, with other people around, Mae acts like it doesn’t affect her, says she enjoys being seen as a miscreant, and plays into what everyone expects of her. But alone? There’s this very poignant scene where Mae is standing in front of a mirror, preparing for a party, where all her insecurities and self-consciousness comes to light:

(note: the other option you can choose in the second pic is: “You don’t like people. Clearly.”)

We see that not only is Mae self-conscious about her appearance, she DOES care about what people think. She craves connection and a community, that’s why she came back to Possum Springs, but for some reason, it seems like she just can’t hold on to a relationship for long before fucking up.

She’s impulsive, doesn’t have much of a filter, and struggles to understand other people’s perspectives. We see that clearly with Bea. It was Bea’s dream to go to college, but because of personal issues, she can’t; and Mae, someone who GOT that chance, simply threw it all away and dismissed it as ‘college just wasn’t for me’ upon coming back, and expects everything to be as it always was.

Mae isn’t an understanding person. She tries, and she really wants to help the people around her, but she just isn’t very good at understanding people, and will often run her mouth at the worst moments. Bea’s hangouts has some of the best (or worst, ig) examples of that. I’m not gonna get too deep into what happens, but, uhm. It gets BAD, and those moments can make you really unsympathetic towards Mae; but you gotta respect this game for not pulling its punches when showing off its protagonist’s worst traits (and honestly, it made me love Mae all the more, she’s so beautifully flawed).

You can see the familiarities to Cold? Struggle with understanding others, impulsive decisions made with the main goal of entertaining yourself, no sense of danger, disregard of own life, no filter– the main difference is that Mae is much more emotional and prone to snapping, but I feel like their core struggles are very similar.

I could go more into how Mae’s derealization is also very similar to how Cold views the world, but while Cold embraces that feeling as a reason to why you can disregard pain and consequences, that thought terrifies Mae and the kind of person that makes her (it doesn’t make her a bad person, btw, she’s mentally ill and traumatized, but ‘bad person’ is what she internalizes after being told so for so long), but anyway aaaaaaaaahhhhhh this got so long and pretty rambly akaksjsmsjd)djsjdj. Hopefully it made sense though? This has been turning around in my head for days now, glad to finally put it out.

#anyway. nitw good game #slay the princess #voice of the contrarian #voice of the hero #contrahero #voice of the cold #stp voices #night in the woods #stp meta #nitw meta #< kinda?#no idea what this is at this point isnsksdmxjdnci

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kuruk · 11 months ago

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I love stimulants I feel like if I were to think a thought, I could literally have the energy to even think that thought clearly in my mind with structured language and everything.. like instead of it being a web graph with a bunch of random words circled in it and maybe a picture drawn next to the graph. my thoughts are so disorganized usually that I give up on even trying to articulate the vague fuzzy half thoughts in my head it feels like 90 percent of my thoughts aren't even able to surface anymore because the very structure of it has fallen apart like I don't know how to describe this even sorry...

I feel like I'm forgetting how to think in english sometimes because of how the structure itself is hard to create and visualize now. like the base and foundation is so weak when I try to think and talk about things and I can never explain anything because I'll forget what I just said and I'll forget where my thoughts are as if it's supposed to be somewhere tangible like I lost them and got them tangled like wire. I keep forgetting what I say as soon as I say it T_T this type of brain fog feels so bad I feel like I'm never really even awake.. my sister showed me a funny picture recently and then 20 minutes later I brought it up to laugh about it and claimed that I was the one who showed her it and even after she explained I just couldn't recall much of anything that just happened or actually correct it in my mind -_- idk I feel like my sense of language is falling apart or something it feels like I'm thinking the way an animal with no knowledge of language thinks, like vague pictures and ideas graphed on a big sheet of paper with arrows pointing everywhere and connecting those ideas together with a sense of direction and physical but unstable placement in my mind instead of written out in sentences. so they're not grounded they disappear and fall apart so easily just one part of the puzzle suddenly goes missing and then I can't remember where to even start again. I have to like put a puzzle together every time I wanna word my thoughts because they come in so mixed up and disassembled and I have to do so much work to assemble it. and ik everyone has a million vague thoughts aside from their inner monologue of course but I struggle to even form real concrete thoughts normally at all usually now augh

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valleynix · 6 months ago

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GHOSTIE AGAIN (ch16) WE R FINALLY ON FIRST NAME TERRITORY WITH ALCINA YESSS also oh my god lottle crow is SO cute i absolutely love that petname!!!

also. THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCES MAKE ME INSANE EVERY TIME ugghhh dani just /towering/ over reader in the alleyway 😩😩

also² i love how u wrote how the forest just extends on and on- it's just a simple line but i think it has such a big effect esp on how it makes reader seem a bit more trapped :P

i absolutely love how u write dani too btw- shes such a sweetheart and i love her constant will to keep trying esp for reader 😭🫶

also³ BELA ughhh omg i can be soo good for u trust i follow commands And i can beg 😩😩😩😩 WHY DO WE KEEP GETTING COCKBLOCKED BY THE SIBLINGS RAHHHHH

also⁴ rip red (i dont feel that bad tbh but bashing their head in was BRUTAL)

YIPPEE!! i forgot how soft Alcina was in the beginning of this chapter 😭 “my little crow” ma’am 🙏

REAL OF YOU. it’s funny that the Dimis are much taller than Reader but often don’t act as if they are. i try to include that as much as possible :D

that was the intention! i guess they COULD leave if they really wanted to, but why would they?? regardless, they really started to see just how isolated the village really is and it does make sense why they were lost so easily

DANIIII MY BELOVED. she’s the sweetest thing ever, especially when it comes to those she cares for. she’s so accommodating and gentle and AUGH

LMAO IT’S AN ONGOING JOKE WITH BELA 😭 like a running gag kinda. continuously never gets her alone time because no one can leave her alone

RED DESERVED IT‼️ and i will always stand by that

#asks #i was so happy reading this hehe #i love reading your thoughts on the chapters #thank you so much for sharing and continuing to update me #❤️❤️

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cartoonrival · 1 year ago

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kakashi and ummmm spins wheel akane from r1/2

kakashi

i dont really talk about kakashi and theres not really a reason for that beyond i dont super have anything intelligent to say about him but i do really love him ToT i dont think he works BETTER as part of a dynamic bc that implies i dont care for him much on his own but i think his character shines BEST as part of a dynamic... in pt 1 he was one of the characters who most most emphasized how young the team 7 kids were and it makes me SICK it makes me sick seeing how much he loves them, the way he talks to them and about them like theyre really children and he cares about them so much and has loved watching them grow up and helping them train, i looove how the chidori becomes one of sasuke's signatures after kakashi taught it to him and how excited naruto gets about getting to train with kakashi again and how kakashi was disappointed at the start of shippuden that naruto and sakura werent as easily amazed by him anymore and he had them try and steal the bells from him again as a little welcome back exercise .... and when he watched the three of them defeat kaguya together he was thinking how much he loved them .... BWAAAAAAAA

and and. i think his relationship with guy honestly balances his relationship with the kids rly well because we get to see him as a protective figure with them but with guy he's talking to someone whos his age and on his level and who he's known for like 2 decades, obviously not to say he never lets loose or relaxes or is irresponsible with the kids but the way he is with guy and the childish competitiveness of their rivalry (which he acts like he's annoyed by but this is obviously not true) is just idk. i like seeing that other facet of him. i think the race through konoha that ended w guy giving him a bouquet was an anime original scene but idc it was so cute and i think it was lee and neji who said smth about them finally being able to have fun and let off steam or w/e. augh. yeah.

ALSO esp in the anime i love how noticeably his tone of voice shifts when he's talking to someone ranked above him when he's usually so nonchalant and casual its something something about how he used to be part of the black ops. idk idk i rly love him and i love how he has pretty distinct facets of himself that come out depending on who he's interacting with it makes him feel very real. he's laid back but on edge and kind and blunt. ill be honest though i dont care about the stuff w obito and rin im sick of that dead girl and that man whos still obsessed with her!!!! but its ok because i love you kakashi.

akane

SHES EVERYTHING .TO ME. as with all of r/2 i think her struggles with bisexuality (ambiguous) couldve been carried further and her martial arts abilities kind of fell off towards the end which SUCKSSSS AND MAKES ME SO MAAAAD but anyways. she gets a lot of hate for being a jerk BUT LIKE. YEAH? she's scared and angry all the time and doesn't know who she is and is afraid of who she is and everyone's telling her she's living wrong so she's forcing herself into a box where she doesn't fit because she's afraid of nonconformity and she takes that fear out on the person closest to her and the one person who might actually understand what she feels. because it is so scary to admit that you are not what you are supposed to be and intimacy and honesty are so much scarier than bullying someone who'll do it right back. she's been engaged at 16 years old and burdened with the expectation that she'll marry ranma and carry on the legacy of her father's beloved dojo, and now she's been thrown in to this situation where she is forced to confront her wayward sexuality head on and directly in front of her entire family.

will say though possibly unpopular opinion. i dont like transmasc akane reads .. i think shes cis. she has a tomboy thing going on (meaning characters (mostly ranma) make fun of her for being boyish and violent and she has an arc about cutting her hair and no longer growing it out as assurance of her own femininity even though she really prefers it short) but i dont think taking "this female character has some issues with not being seen as feminine enough because of her behavior/struggles with not tying her worth to how feminine she is" should be immediately taken as "this character is not a girl" because i think the potential for her gender nonconformity (esp in relation to her bisexuality) is just as valuable a theme, especially considering r/2 already has very potent transfem (ranma) and transmasc (ukyo) stories. idk "this character has some not traditionally feminine tendencies -> cannot be a girl" doesnt sit right with me. in any series other than r/2 it wouldn't bother me because people can take little tidbits of possible transgenderism as they'd like, but since the trans themes are already so potent in r/2 i tend to lean towards more realistic interpretations of the characters and i dont feel like "akane doesnt fit into traditional femininity and is therefore not [fully] a girl" is reaaally a win. expectations and gender roles are a huge theme in r/2 and i think its valuable seeing how they impact a cis girl as it is how they impact trans people in terms of determining what even MAKES someone a girl or a boy. is it what you wear? what you do? how you talk? these are genuine questions that r/2 asks and i feeeeel that transmasc reads of akane kind of respond to these questions in a really surface level way. this is the reason for the slash over the everyone else is wrong box. because not everybody thinks this and i know some reliable akaneheads (hi jordan)

#asks157 #r/2 #nrto #WHEW

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fruit-sy · 2 years ago

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Siblings with a Mountain Man/俺哥来自深山 drawings!

Fan art I did of this manhua I've been reading for the last couple of weeks! This manhua has been living rent free in my mind and I cannot stop thinking about these silly goofy lil characters <33

It's a comedy-centric manhua, but it has its serious moments and times where its sincerity really punches me in the gut <:)

I loove the dynamic between the main siblings, Li Mo and Dao Mo.

Dao Mo is a relatively impassive person and gives off a cool-looking vibe at first glance, but that impression shatters as shenanigans happen, with him adapting to urban life after having lived in the mountains for 10 years and embarrassing Li Mo along the way. And as comedy comics are, he tends to dispel moments that are too serious with humor (also maybe as a defense mechanism when he feels genuinely moved by something)

Li Mo is a springy girl whose normal life crumbled as soon "that guy" came into her life. She does a lot of things with earnestness and vigor. She contrasts her brother a lot, very obviously pointing towards the yin and yang principle, and they make for a very entertaining duo. Though, as much as they goof around with slapstick humor, Li Mo really underestimates just how much Dao Mo cares about her.

Dao Mo repeatedly puts himself in harm's way to protect Li Mo and does a lot to give her a normal life, like damn, the boy tries so hard and fails when she starts seeing spirits. Li Mo began to acknowledge him as her brother slowly, and she starts fighting back the danger surrounding her as the series progresses. At the climax, she makes a major decision that changed everything, all with the single thought of "I want to be like him, I want to FIGHT." and BOI, the feeling I FELT WHEN I READ THAT CHAPTER WAS CATHARTIC

It might be simple, but god damn I love it when series build a mutual respect for both sides of the party, when they both acknowledge that they would do anything to protect the other from danger AND I LOVE THAT AUGH

They made it clear that Li Mo can stand on almost equal ground to her brother, she can defend herself physically, but when it comes to spirits, she can't dispose of them easily like Dao Mo can with his taoism skills. Also sidenote I love how badass all the women are in this story, like (points at dorks) DAMN THEYRE SO COOL I WANNA BE LIKE THEM

LATER DOWN THE LINE, WE GET A BIT MORE BACKSTORY AND THAT MADE MY HEART HURT WITH HOW EARNEST IT WAS ;O; Seeing the ending of that arc filled me with a sense of completion, we see just how much the characters' relationship has developed compared to the start.

Though, as much as I enjoyed this manhua and have reread it at least 3 times in the last two weeks, I do have some things that dragged me down while reading it. I think I got "combat-fatigued" from all the fight scenes in the story. Like, maybe because it was my first time reading it and I just really wanted the plot to happen faster bc I wanted to know what happened next and I binged it in a day, but I just skimmed through it quickly and was quite bummed when a lot of the chapter numbers (nearly half iirc) was focused on the combat, and the big baddies getting bigger and bigger-

Next was the typos in the translation. I could ignore some of them bc my brain just, autocorrects the dialogue ig, but sometimes it kills my immersion in the story.

But still, all that aside I really enjoyed reading this manhua! And so I gave it my appreciation in the only way, besides screaming into some text, I know... Which is fanart!!

#Manhua #Siblings with a mountain man #俺哥来自深 #Dao Mo #Li Mo #My art

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sakuraswordly · 5 months ago

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Spoilers #Tsofph Season 11(Chapter3 The beginning of the miracle) Dark Gilgamesh Reborn.

Danny: That's right. Hurry, both Punch and Peter! PUNCH has turned dark. Once she captures Sonic, he will swallow him without mercy…!

Peter: (Please be all right, PUNCH!)

The sky turns into purple and black when Gilgamesh enter without warning.

Sonic: No..........Punch......

Sonic shocked that this gone to far for Vaten Hörmulegt: Gilgamesh’s curse.

*Thup Thup*

Shadow: Sonic......stay behind me....! Huh?!

*Boom*

Gilgamesh: I see.......you're here, Enkidu.

Enkidu: So you are now being controlled by Kujaku. Yeah. I don't have a reason to save you, unlike Peter. It was obvious that you'd come to kidnap Sonic when the time came. You've done it once before, so I'd be foolish not to keep an eye on him.

Gilgamesh's showing unhappiness. He shows undisguised hatred that would surprise anyone who knew his previous self.

Gilgamesh: That's so mean. You always make fun of me, Enkidu. Aren't you here to stop me like when you came intending to punish me once?

Enkidu: That’s right. I’m going to set your arrogance right again with my own hands.

Gilgamesh: You're absolutely hateful. Enkidu. Am I that bad of a person?

Enkidu: Of course. You're a big fool who gave up his chance to be saved the instant from them. You didn't trust the person that Punch and Peter wanted to protect.

Gilgamesh: ..........!!.............You're right. I was definitely like that until now........if I was strong enough......I shouldn't let myself corrupt like this.....corrupt by this curse......But Enkidu. I'm not weak anymore. You're the one who stays my way now. I'll protect Punch.

His cold stare, the emitting ominous shadow…

Enkidu: ---------------

Gilgamesh: Because I'm stronger now.

Enkidu hurrys to use his power to create the barrier as fast as possible but.....

Gilgamesh: Oh, you can't do that, my dear friend....It's dangerous if you stop there. This time I will torture you by real!

Gilgamesh points her hand at Enkidu without hesitation. There's no mercy. Gilgamesh smiles, enjoying the absolute dominance.

Gilgamesh: Fuhahahaha! Then I'll be having you now. I was looking forward to this. This will be the first time I've eaten magical energy from a tool like you.

The black shadow covers Enkidu. The gel-like mud tightly binds Enkidu's body, turning into numerous tongues to invade his magic weapons. Head down and chest heaving, Enkidu has no power to resist. He has no way to fight back, but------

Gilgamesh: Hahaha! This is amazing! I can't believe this is so fascinating!! But.........that won't do.....I can't let Enkidu fail so easily....I need to torture more.......because he's my dearest......friend that no one can replace him......!

Sonic: ------------

Sonic knew even darkness covered Gilgamesh's mind but Gilgamesh still tried to fight without losing his feelings and dearest memories. Gilgamesh struggles to attack Enkidu but suddenly....! Punch, Peter and Danny make it in time!

Punch & Peter: Punch------!!!!

Gilgamesh: Punch......! Peter.........?!

Shadow: Punch....!

Punch: Peter, go look for Enkidu!

Danny: C'mom, Peter!

Peter: (What's going on?! How could it become like this?!)

Gilgamesh gave a death stare to Peter making him chill.

Peter: Hold on, I'll have this off you in a minute…! Augh!

Danny: Peter....! (I tear away the mud that's covering Enkidu. The mud is gelatinous, but it's just like rubber. I can't grab it, and even if I pull it off of his body, it just bounces back onto him.)

Gilgamesh: It's useless, Peter my love. I'm the only one who can dispel my shadow. Someone as weak as you will be swallowed instead.

Gilgamesh speaks in a cold voice that Peter've never heard from. A chill runs down their back. No, this isn't just a chill. It's an intensely cold thorn as if a knife were slashed from their brain down to their waist.

Punch: Peter....! Hold on!

Punch hurries back to Peter and tries to heal him but without warning....

Gilgamesh: Why are you trying to protect him? Why won't you say anything? Why won't you scold me? You saw what happened to me, right?

Punch: No that's not-----

Gilgamesh: No, it is. You see, Punch. I've been crazy from beginning.

Punch shocked......Gilgamesh became a machine that can went around killing people, lives and even the world itself! He became stronger than Ea and the gate of Babylon.....! Even the gate of Babylon sealed off by Gilgamesh himself but.........

Punch, Peter and Danny: Pu-----Punch.

Gilgamesh: Yes. You were always like that. You said you'd protect me, but then you'd watch over everyone but me. But it's fine. I wanted you because you're that kind of a person, Peter, Danny.

Shadow: No.....that's....

Gilgamesh: Surely. It's painful for you to near me, right, Shadow? I know how much of a burden I am to you, Velevt and Syaoran. You'll continue to suffer as long you're with me. So I had to get away from you.

The shadow dances around. The ground is like a stage for a shadow picture.

Gilgamesh: But I can't. You're the only happiness I have. Peter, you can't get away from me. Because you can't betray yourself anymore.

Peter: ----------

Gilgamesh: *Sad face*……Yes. That's why I'll kill you. *Change to creepy smiles* Then you'll be with me forever, and most of all......you won't have to suffer anymore, right?

Suddenly someone take Punch, Peter and Danny to Sonic's side before attack by shadows.

Gilgamesh: Chester........!

Chester: I can't let you do that, Punch. You told me and Syaoran to protect both Sonic and Punch no matter the circumstances.

Gilgamesh: You really are a bad little boy, Chester.

Pit: Peter big brother! Enkidu! Danny! How could this happen?!

Syaoran: Morgana....? Wait---!!

Ermelinda: King Gilgamesh, stop walking on that path, that path is nothing more than hole and emptiness. Ugh!

Hades: Your role is done, Morgana le fay.

Pit: Hades!!

Ermelinda: -----------

Gilgamesh: Then I'll take you in as well, Morgana. I don't need any more slaves since I've absorbed something that wasn't in the plan.....

Sonic: That's enough. You shouldn't do anything unnecessary, Punch. You can't come back if you take any more in.

Gilgamesh: I am------the strongest-----

Sonic: If you want to absorbed me, you should find a place where the gate of black hole went.

Gilgamesh: Deal. If that was your final wish.

The shadows retreated. Not only the shadow, but the mud that cover Enkidu fades away as though it never existed.

Gilgamesh:…Please never show yourself again. Should you stand in my way again.......I'll have to kill you, Peter.

Peter: No!.....stop.....!

Sonic: See you again, Punch. I had a lot of fun.

Punch & Shadow: Sonic!

Syaoran & Pit: Wait---!!

*Slash!*

Pit: Get out of my way, Hades!!

Hades: Do not pursue them. I will kill you if you take another step, Pit.

Pit: -----------

Hades: This is your final warning. If you wish to save him, then withdraw. Should you follow us in spite of that, I will take your head.

They've vanished, as if they've fade into the shadows.

Danny: I failed again......I failed like what happen to Homura....! If I.....

Shadow: No, we still not failed yet.

Syaoran: We still had a time where are they going. Let's have a rest from now.

Punch: --------------

Peter: Punch.............

Punch: So-----

Sonic: You still don't understand? You can leave King Gilgamesh to me. This is my purpose, so you can just go home and......

Punch: You stupid.....

Sonic: What?

Punch: You stupid Idiot! Don't say dealing with the aftermath is your purpose! You can't fool me how much you act to be tough! Don't you dare tried to sacrifice your life again!! I won't be tricked, no matter how much you bluff and pretend you're all right. I'm going to take you home as long as you don't want to be here…!

Sonic: Wha---sacrifice and bluff what?! I told you that I was just a container---

Punch: That your excuse word is "sacrifice" and "bluff" you idiot! Sonic is Sonic, okay?!

Sonic: ............!!

Punch: If you want to stay as yourself, just ignore all of this. Don't sacrifice your life for someone else…!

Sonic: But I.........

Punch: Sonic......you still have a place where you belong....you told yourself, right? You will give up to sacrifice yourself for me and the other me.

Punch takes Sonic's hand. Punch: Let's go, Sonic Crowe. We'll go home before they find us. Punch pulls his small, light body and starts to walk.

Danny & Velvet: Are you two finish talking?

Punch & Sonic: Sorry.

Punch: Let's go.....

Shadow: I can't let you sacrifice yourself.......I've done to losing Sonic because of his stubbornness.......Punch.....if you dare to.....then I....

Punch: I'll fight until the very end. I want to save PUNCH, just like you want to protect him. I don't know what result it'll bring, but I can't run away.…I'll fight Kujaku to save PUNCH. I'm going to choose Punch no matter what.

Shadow: That's your answer to my question from the other day?

Punch: That's right. So please, Shadow, trust both me and Sonic once again.

Shadow: Alright. But I will not fight unless there is a chance to win. What do you expect of me, Punch?

On another side

Enkidu: So you're sending the shadow instead of showing up yourself? You've gotten arrogant during the short time you've been away, Gil.

Gilgamesh: Enkidu.....protect them then I can be at peace and take his life with mine.

Enkidu: Gil, I'll ask just in case, but do you intend to cut ties with Kujaku's shadow.

Gilgamesh: I--- I won't last long. I don't know when I'll disappear. I might only be able to hold out for one night.

Enkidu: You don't know when you're going to disappear, huh? You're wrong. You just don't know when you'll run out of patience.

Gilgamesh: .....................

Enkidu: Don't you notice? Your words and actions have been all over the place. Right after you said you'd give your life and disappear.

Gilgamesh: *Change to anger*

Enkidu: We'll go there. Don't be hasty. I'll kill you with my own hands.

Gilgamesh: Yes.....I'll be waiting for you, Enkidu.

Gilgamesh: I won't give you any mercy. The only things I'll give to this world are regret and despair. You mongrels shall drown in the vortex of darkness....like insects dropped into an acid!

#tsofph season 11 #Tsofph Spoilers #Tsofph Season 11(Chapter3 The beginning of the miracle)#tsofph gilgamesh #Punch Whalen #tsubasa of phantasia concept #Tsofph Peter Pan #sakuraswordly #sonic crowe #tsubasa of phantasia 11 #Enkidu #tsubasa of phantasia #Syaoran Tsubasa #Tsofph Danny Phantom #tsubasa of phantasia spoiler #Chester burklight #morgana le fay #shadow the hedgehog #Tsofph Pit

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fighting-these-demons · 8 months ago

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Episode 9

Trying to get the last of these in before my sub craps out

Well dang IvySoulCalibur didn't expect that I guess.

He said dude you suck get over it lmao.

Darkness of immeasurable depths. Yeah he's been going through it. 😭💔💖

BODY TAKEN OVER?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

YOU MEAN TO TWLL ME BIG RED HAS BEEN TRYING TO LITERALLY BODY SNATCH THIS ENTIRE TIME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

WHAT THE FUCK???????????

Please say psych

Or at least have a very good way to spin this

I really do love the OP. It's Fantastic and I appreciate it more as I go on.

How is she getting these pictures? He has to be consenting to some of them they way they're framed.

😬🥺

He hasn't been to school in days.

Damn they really did abandon him and bead him for real I thought it was a plot since they played dirty before.

Well I'm glad Matakara came home. I feel awful for Blondie and Teal Terror but Teal Terror has the sense to just be thankful he's back and to ask/demand/plead for him to come back to school while putting a hand on Blondie's shoulder to comfort him.

Girl iis now REALLY the time for a Cat Cafe scene?????? Ain't you just gonna give us nothing? The timing here is Way Off.

Dang. As soon as I typed that it got good. I know it's bullshit that won't go anywhere but DAMN DO I WANT THEM TO DATE SO BAD

Augh!!!! 😭💔 Cat Guy you're dating the Cute Teacher IN MY HEART OK??? 💖

Arajin you're so full of shit. 😂

That or his mom did it on purpose.

Arajin is like "Well Damn. He's usually excited to talk to to and when I might be hanging around..." but like THE ONLY THING Matakara could have wanted to hear was an apology or plea for forgiveness probably. (Since the darkness is eating at him and also because most normal people would want that too)

WHOEVER WAS IN CHARGE OF ANIMATING BLONDIE FOR THIS SCENE NEEDS A RAISE AND A PROMOTION

AND ANOTHER RAISE

Ah nvm. Got too goofy with it rip.

AUGH TEAL TERROR 💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭

Lmao Blondie! 😂💖

Aw they're bonding. He's probably miserable though. Can't believe she cornered him with tea.

BITCH WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

OH MAN

BITCH YOU DIDNT COVER THE EVIDENCE????? HAVE YOU BEEN CAUGHT WITH IT BEFORE????????????

WAIT IS THAT HIS ROOM????????????

HE HAS A DOLL OF HIMSELF?????????

Wait did Matakara's brother actually die?!?!?!?!

And blondie said Cheer Up earlier?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Blondie why?????????

BITCH FOR REAL??? YOU TOOK THE TIME TO HIDE

How did he not find her?

Did she hide in the alligator and Slick just decided to cover for her to focus on his point in the conversation????

I can't tell if that his ass of his knee. That frame could be very suggestive depending.

She crawled out and he covered for her apparently.

HE WAS SLEEPING IN THE TEMPLE IN THE OP I KNEW IT I FUCKING KNEW IT

Aaaaaaaawwwww!!!! Him and Teal Terror and Blondie becoming friends! 💖 Would have loved that flashback earlier but I'll hake it now.

I cannot fucking believe he's dead like. The way they chose to do it is insane.

You tell him girl!

Ishiya is really drilling into him. I guess he's gonna break because of story trajectory.

👁👁

Well. THAT is certainly the way to prey upon him!

He's weak to that!

I can't tell if he's always been perceptive or if they can naturally read minds/hearts and only ask questions as rhetoricals to help their companions figure out their feelings?

FINALLY THE BACKSTORY IVE WAITED THE ENTIRE SEASON FOR

Love that they're opposite aesthetics but mirror fighting styles.

Ishiya has more of that cool boy look as a kid and grows up to have more cold/coy and feminine features - like Arajin.

While Senya had precious baby features and grew into a masculine brick shithouse with a kind face - like Matakara.

It also lends to how Ishiya can convince Matakara so quickly/easily and how Senya is the only one that can seem to guilt and convince Arajin after extended debate.

Their dynamic as kids was the same too that's so cute!!!

They're also so Jin and Touya coded as kids it's so silly.

Love their outfit changes as time goes on.

They looked like they were so in live as Teens.

HE GAVE SENYA HIS NAME?!?!?!?!?!

Also did I hear the word for In Love With? I swear I did.

I feel like if they were going to replace it with "He meant absolutely everything to me."

Knowing they have a 2 line limit they could have also had "He was the love of my life."

Also watching Ishiyas outfit show more skin and more tit as time went on is hilarious he's BEGGING Senya to touch him. And I thought the necklace halter was A Lot I forgot How Much his current gravity defying bustier is lmao.

Senya was clearly obsessed with him could he not have just asked?!?!?!?!?! 😂

Not that I mind at all when the End Result is his current outfit in all of its perfection! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

BUT THEN WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I know it'll be revealed but I'm still mad. :P

Augh at least he's honest.

He loves how much of Ishiya he sees in Arajin. How precious! 💖

Senya is so fucking cute Jesus I love him.

(Everyone in this show sucks to some extent but like. I love Senya and Matakara so much.)

YES BABE SHOW US THAT NEW MISPLACED DEVOTION AND BEAT HIS ASS!!!!!!!! HE DESERVES AT LEAST 1/4 OF IT LETS GO!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh shit dude. Lol literally.

I winder if that was feelings nerves because of the "Don't run away." Or fear nerves at Absolute Brick Shithouse Matakara walking at him with Ill intent.

Poor Matakara is so fucking broken up about being forced to do this augh!!! 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

What a great guy! 🥺😭 God he's so upset!

Well. A half warning is better than no warning I guess.

And at least Arajinw ill learn about the body snatching from someone even if it isn't Senya.

God fuck Ishiya.

Wait is MATAKARA'S mark on the side of his ass cheek like a My Little Pony Cutie Mark?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Absolutely insane

Dang. I'll always prefer his sweet look but his broken anger look is 😘👌

Her ending clips with Matakara and Senya are the best ones hands down in the OP.

#Magic Carpet Slide

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aokoaoi · 2 years ago

Text

𝐬𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮. ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿˢ

pairings : shuri x fem!reader.

synopsis : shuri has a little crush on you, another lab worker.

genre : fluff.

# someone managing to capture the princess' interest was something she least expected something to happen. but how can she help it if the interest was non-other than a lab worker, (name) (lastname).

# it was definitely strange figuring out if she liked you, or if it was just admiration. eventually, it was infact a small crush.

# she can't help but let her gaze lingers on you from time to time when you're working in the lab. she absolutely loves the dedication and focus you put on your work, it's what always caught her attention when it comes to you.

# you have done countless of important tasks around the lab. so many to the point shuri trusts you to do the most impossible ones.

# you are one brilliant girl as well, but you wouldn't say your knowledge rivaled the princess'. let's just say you were smarter than half the lab workers, or practically even all of the lab workers!

# you both rarely talk though, which is why shuri just admires you from afar. she doesn't know why she's so afraid of approaching you. you've literally been working for her for years, damn it.

# one interesting thing about this, is that you know alot about the wakandan princess, but the princess knows nothing about you.

# when her brother t'challa was still present, he'd often tease his sister to just come up to you and form a conversation. which she didn't.

# all she could do was wave and say hello! maybe when she's lucky, she can say bye to you when you're leaving.

# approaching you wasn't even a challenge, but she was definitely making it one. you just seem like the type to be hard to approach. what if she does end up going near you? what will she say then? 'yo what's up?' 'you look good?' 'nice work?'

# yeah she's definitely not gonna take that chance just to embarrass herself.

# often times, she sees nakia coming up to you to strike a conversation. it made shuri internally sulk to herself to see someone else talk to you so freely. she probably even believes you and nakia are 'besties'.

# when you see her staring at you, you form the most beautiful and sweetest smile she's ever seen. augh, your smile bro, it can make someone's day.

# despite not knowing much about you, shuri can definitely tell you're a very sweet and caring person. she justs can't help but melt when she sees you take over someone's work to help them when they're struggling.

# she thinks you're perfect girlfriend material too.

# she assumes alot about you and your personality based on what she sees you do. as of right now, she thinks you're caring, but you easily run out of patience when you're being provoked. yes, she's made a mental note not to get on your nerves because you're absolutely ruthless when upset.

# shuri has had enough feeling left out though. okoye, nakia, and other people had already had formed some sort of bond with you already, but she hasn't. she can't help but feel jealous when she hears nakia talk about you.

# sooner or later, she will eventually have the courage to talk to you.

"how can an edit be hot?" — "its hot when letitia wright is in it."

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miraculouscontent · 3 years ago

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dailymotion

It’s heeeeere! Another summasalt, this time with nearly twice the length of the first one!

(Turns out that not having caffeine doesn’t help me talk any slower.)

Script below:

Anonymous asked:

Thoughts on Rocketear?

Can you Rocketear the newest episode apart with your salt, my beloved Salt Queen?

Penny for your thoughts on Rocketear?

Aw, anon! You can have that for free! I'm a generous goddess.

"Rocketear" begins with Chat Noir and Carapace - just Carapace, really - holding back a pack of what I presume to be the physical manifestation of the writing staff's age, or at least a representation of how behind the times the writing seems.

Just as the dinosaurs break through Shellter. Ladybug shows up with the scientist who revived the dinosaurs in the first place and said scientist uses a whistle to calm the dinosaurs down. There's also a line from Bob Roth about putting the dinosaurs in a theme park to make money and I know what it's referencing but it's so incredibly random that it doesn't really come off as a proper joke.

Carapace was notably sad right after battle, but insisted that he was fine when Ladybug asked. Rena, sporting a... - I would like to say "new design" but it's a recolor in every sense of the word - is hiding behind part of a building and smiles after the heroes before walking off. Ladybug takes Nino's miraculous back but sees that he's still upset and asks him again what's wrong. Nino asks where Alya was and Ladybug claims that she only needed Carapace for the job, which cheers him up but only until Ladybug is already gone.

Mm, I guess Nino and Adrien relate in heroism not being enough for them unless they have their respective love interest to flirt with.

Also, I know this is an obvious set-up, but the show can't tell me that Ladybug just always brought Nino and Alya whenever she needed one of them. Season 3 required her to go to Master Fu to get the miraculouses, and unless she already knew that Nino and Alya would be in the same location - which, okay, the show does basically shove the two of them together whenever Nino is onscreen, fair, if two characters are in a relationship in this show then it's weird for them to NOT be with that person - but it just seems like a gamble, not to mention proof to Shadow Moth that the two are close if Ladybug constantly brings both of them.

Anyway, Ladybug goes into the sewer and asks Rena if she's seen any sign of Shadow Moth or his traps. Rena didn't see anything and they de-transform. Marinette is about to leave when she thinks of something, but Alya assumes it's about her new look, which was apparently not voluntary on her part and the suit automatically adapted to Alya's new role as Rena Furtive, which she has now named it as.

Marinette reminds her that this is supposed to be a secret and that they agreed that the fox has no owner. When Alya is evasive about whether she told Nino that she won't be Rena anymore, Marinette stresses that everyone needs to believe that Alya won't be using a miraculous anymore so that she can remain an undercover spy.

What's the point in changing the look if you're not going to show yourself anyway? I mean, insurance, I guess, but still.

Alya, exasperated, parrots what Marinette has apparently told her before: that she helps Ladybug with Mirage in case Shadow Moth tries to follow her so Rena can follow him instead. Marinette stresses the situation again and Alya tries to get Marinette to agree on her telling Nino that she's Rena Furtive, but Marinette refuses.

At Marinette's house, Alya talks further and explains that she doesn't know if she can lie to Nino since they don't keep any secrets--Alya, babe, you kept Rena Rouge from him and didn't tell him that you knew he was Carapace until Ladybug was forced to give you your miraculouses at the same time. I don't wanna hear it.

Marinette states that it's too late for that and also not technically a lie, but Alya gets upset and says that Nino will never trust her again if he finds out that she kept something from him. Marinette brings up how she had to keep secrets from Alya too, but they're interrupted by Tom appearing and wanting to play games with them. Marinette makes an excuse about homework that she's repeated many times, as Tom comments that the teachers give her too much. After Tom is kicked out - hang on, lemme just... - Marinette uses the moment to show Alya that she's lied to her family a lot and hasn't played games with her father in months. She states that there's no other option as they have to protect their identities, and Alya agrees to talk to Nino.

In Alya's room - I just presume at this point that Nino's house doesn't exist and Chris is an illusion - Alya tells Nino that they need to talk, but stammers and states that it's hard to talk about. Nino thinks that she wants to break up with him, but Alya assures that she loves him. She finally gets to the cover story that Rena herself made up in "Sentibubbler" and Nino understands, sad that she won't be around anymore but agreeing if it's what Ladybug thinks is best.

Is it weird that Nino respects Ladybug's wishes more than Alya does?

Nino hugs her and is confused by why Alya was nervous to tell him, as she can tell him anything and nothing will change their relationship. Alya feels guilty and hugs back, murmuring about how they don't have any secrets; that's not what Nino said, but sure, push this plot to its already predictable conclusion. I mean, I thought it was vaguely sweet that Nino switched to seriousness immediately when Alya said that she wanted to talk, but how am I supposed to be invested in this couple when their dynamic boils down to "STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMAN who wears the pants in the relationship because her boyfriend is portrayed as a wimpy coward"? Like, the show constantly dragged Nino down to make Alya look "powerful" by comparison, and then when it comes to characters like Marinette, we get a girl who works very well outside of her relationship with her endgame love interest.

It's the fakest form of "girl power," dragging guys down to raise girls up or actually making a strong girl character but having her love interest be a weakness that creates flaws in her that weren't there originally and having that love interest be who she's "destined for."

I'm rambling, sorry.

In class, Marinette assures Alya that she did the right thing and Alya agrees. As they're leaving school, Marinette talks about how their "night walks" start soon, and Alya non-subtly talks about how Rena Furtive will be on the lookout while Ladybug and Chat Noir patrol. She stops, however, as gets excited about some pictures she took of herself as Rena Furtive, which has a lot of details that Marinette hasn't seen. I don't know whether to groan at what I just heard or remind everyone that Rena Furtive is literally just a recolor and therefore this is the writers patting themselves on the back for this design, so let's just move on.

Alya then shows Marinette her phone--AUGH, MY EYES--and suggests making a poll on her Ladyblog so people can vote for their favorite Rena design. Marinette has to stress again that Rena Furtive is supposed to be a spy and thus invisible, which Alya admits that she forgot about.

Okay, I've been holding off on talking about this, but now seems like the best time to bring it up. Alya has been a trash friend as well as a trash confidant, and her role as Rena Rouge boiled down to, "it was convenient for her to be the fox at the time it was needed." She's not particularly stealthy like one would expect of a fox, and she was easily one of the worst candidates to be told Marinette's big secret. I'll get more into this later, but I have to stress that Alya has treated Marinette no differently since learning of Marinette's identity and has already gone against Marinette's orders once before at the time of this episode airing. Episodes are constantly torn between validating their decision to have Marinette tell Alya, having Marinette be worried about the decision while the show considers her to be ridiculous for it, and then having Alya either consider or make choices that clearly don't gel well with what's good for her role. Much like Marinette, she lacks a sense of self-control and--wow, a female character who's impulsive, never seen that stereotype before.

Point being, "Sentibubbler" stressed over and over that Alya was the right choice and deserved to be both the permanent fox and the understudy for guardian, but then we have "Rocketear" here where Alya is making basic emotionally-driven errors that I'm not even remotely sympathetic to when Marinette has gone through so much worse over the course of three+ seasons.

*sigh*

Alya laments that it's hard to find new content for the Ladyblog - ah, yes, tell me more about your struggles, Alya - but figures that at least she can post stuff about Chat Noir instead of--I don't know--making fake Ladybug theories to lead people off Marinette's trail. Marinette says that it's a great idea, though Alya still doesn't look too happy. The scene then rewinds to a little bit to show a different point of view, this time with Adrien and Nino. Wait, this feels familiar, wasn't there another episode that did something like--ohhhh no, this is going to hurt.

After saying good-bye to Adrien - something I wish I could do every time he's mentioned or on-screen - Nino catches the bit of conversation where Alya talks about the Ladyblog. Nino talks as if Marinette isn't there and asks Alya out to the movies because Marinette is chopped liver and this is about Alya and how sad she is, guys.

Wow, she's turning into Adrien faster and faster.

Alya hesitates, but Marinette assures her that there's still time. Alya excitedly runs off with Nino and they watch what I presume are previews given the narrator, featuring recycled footage from the Ladybug PV. Nino is upset because Rena is mentioned but not Carapace, and the preview features Rena telling Chat Noir to forget Ladybug because it's Chat and Rena herself who are trulu made for each other.

I don't know what's funnier; the complete lack of self-awareness or the suggestion that a biracial couple would exist in this show outside of a special that gives them maybe a minute of screentime and acts more like suggestive canon anyway. I think I might've been too generous with that line about dinosaurs.

Nino is offended by the preview and Alya brushes off his comments, stating that it's just a cartoon and it's made to entertain people, though Nino himself is certainly not entertained. Can't say I entirely blame him considering that Alya doesn't really try to say anything substantial or even agree with him. No cuddling or reassuring kisses, she just gets slightly sad and turns to her phone for a bit.

After the movie, Nino is cheered back up again until he catches Alya on her phone once more. He offers to take her home, but she's distracted, and he comments that what she showed to Marinette looked pretty nice; I don't know because they didn't show it. Nino asks what it was and Alya evades the question, stating that her battery is running out. Nino is suspicious, but spots Andre's ice cream cart and the two head over there. Andre calls them his favorite couple and asks what they want, but Alya sees Ladybug gesturing for her and has to run off, giving Nino a cheek kiss as she goes which feels like too little too late at this point.

Nino catches some conveniently-placed kids arguing over who Chat Noir loves, but they settle on the fact that girls in general love Chat Noir. Nino is then seen at the Seine watching the Ladyblog's latest video, where Alya is talking up how amazing Chat Noir is. I hate to stop every five seconds to complain - okay, actually I don't - but I presume this video must've been made after the movie since Nino seems like the type who would actively follow his girlfriend's blog, yet not only is this video perfectly set up to echo the kids and the movie preview, but Alya - despite apparently caring about her boyfriend soooo much that she kept trying to convince Marinette to bend the rules - didn't even try to warn Nino or text him so he doesn't take it too seriously. It's like "Sentibubbler" with the conflicting messages about identity rules; Alya cares about her boyfriend but both isn't thinking about how he'll take the things she says and apparently doesn't know him well enough to realize that he wouldn't be mad over her keeping a secret that she was told to keep. I already talked about how they play up Nino to be the emotionally weaker one of the relationship, but then they don't have Alya try to cover or make up for that. She's been acting very much not like Alya - you know, the one who in "Sapotis" practically bragged about how great she'd be at covering for Ladybug - with her stutters and weak excuses, so I can't completely blame Nino for being upset after everything that's happened when he sees the writers projecting onto Alya as she talks about how Chat Noir is brave and funny and cute and showing all these images of him as well. I don't agree with all of his actions, but--oh yeah, speaking of which--

Nino calls Adrien and is talking to him about how Alya must be in love with someone else. Adrien dismisses the idea, as Alya and Nino are together basically all the time, and asks who she could possibly be in love with. When Nino suggests that it's Chat Noir, Adrien laughs and jokes about it being Fang instead. Nino points out the video but Adrien did see it but is overall unphased and convinced that it means nothing. Nino says that he'll find proof and hangs up, but Adrien is certain he'll find nothing. Plagg comments that Nino will find someone because Plagg's charisma has definitely contaminated Adrien.

Ugh.

Adrien expresses concern that he put on the cat's charm too much and accidentally made Alya fall for him, and decides to visit Alya as Chat Noir to be sure.

Meanwhile, we get a reference to film noirs as Nino narrates. That's the second blatant reference this episode and now I feel like they wrote this script while doing a movie marathon.

Chat Noir arrives at Alya's house and Trixx hides before Alya opens the curtains to reveal her surprise guest. Nino is nearby watching the scene with his phone as Alya wonders aloud if something's wrong. Chat assures that everything's fine, but brings up the video she posted. He insists that it made him happy, but points out that she's been following him and Ladybug since the beginning and that they know each other much better due to everything that's happened. He has some conveniently-worded dialog as he starts to say that he hopes something's just an illusion and Alya gets worried that he's about to bring up Rena. Chat continues and clarifies that he wonders if she started to feel something for him, though adds that he understands because just look at him.

UGGGGH.

Chat clarifies by making a heart with his hands, which Nino sees. Alya laughs at this gesture and states that she has a boyfriend, doing the same heart gesture and suggesting that her love for Nino is even more than that. Chat Noir apologizes - hm, I didn't know he had the capacity to do that - and hugs Alya, saying that he was just confused.

An absolutely unnecessary hug for two people who, at least in terms of their current selves, have had very little screentime together, but this is also the show where making eye contact basically means your friends and it's all just to push the plot along so Nino inteprets that Alya is in love with Chat Noir, so whatever I guess.

Alya states that Nino is far more irresistable than Chat, then adds that she doesn't even know his secret identity, and she'd never fall in love with someone she doesn't know. Nino then runs away upset and the scene cuts away to the next day where--

Wait, wait, wait, hang on a second. Two things right off the bat there.

First off, we're just gonna sidle past that "wouldn't fall in love with someone you don't know the identity of" while ignoring the existence of the love square? Not even Chat thinking about how he doesn't know Ladybug's identity and trying to excuse that he doesn't have to? This guy is that certain of their relationship?

Secondly, Nino is practically sobbing and Shadow Moth doesn't take this as his opportunity? Same guy who akumatized Mr. Pigeon 72 times and has akumatized Gigantitan more than once? What is this pacing???

But--alright, so Adrien comes into school and sees Nino, still dressed up in his detective gear, which gets ignored completely as Adrien goes to tell him about Chat Noir and Alya. Because the show doesn't know how Adrien would convey this within reason, Nino interrupts him, taking him down into the lower part of the school where he has a desk and chairs set up. Adrien goes to ask when Nino had time to do this, but Nino slams his hand on the desk to cut him off. Nino presents the evidence he took and they go back and forth, likewise with Adrien turning off the background music while Nino turns it back on. Adrien insists that it's a misunderstanding, but pleads innocent when Nino asks how he knows. Adrien states that Alya is just a superhero fan and that she and Chat Noir have nothing in common.

Again, the complete lack of self-awareness is astonishing.

Adrien repeats what Alya said about secret identities and how she wouldn't fall for someone she doesn't know - they're really ignoring this, aren't they? - and continues hitting Nino's soft spots about how unlikely it is until Nino decides to tell Adrien something he's not supposed to.

He tells Adrien, not only that Alya is Rena Rouge, but that he's Carapace. Adrien goes through a range of emotions beyond sAD for once, shocked at the fact that they know each other's identities. Nino states that they don't keep secrets from each other, except now Alya is with Chat Noir. Adrien still doesn't understand and brings up how secret identities have to be protected, or else Nino wouldn't have told him because Ladybug wouldn't agree to it.

Oh, here we go. So that's why they waited.

Nino states that it was Ladybug herself who gave them their miraculouses at the same time; not giving the reason why, of course, nor pointing out that they're temporary heroes so there's understandably some leeway. Adrien is having a moment, but manages to bring the subject back to Alya and Chat Noir, who he still doesn't think are a thing. Nino argues that it's because Adrien doesn't know Chat Noir, but he does because he's Carapace and knows how Chat Noir acts. He says that it's all flowers and confessions when Ladybug appears, but he gets rejected because Ladybug thinks that he's annoying, and she's right. He adds that Chat flirts with Rena Rouge and that's all that needs to happen, with Chat stepping in on the first mission Carapace lost in. Nino laments the loss of the love of his life and wishes to shut Chat Noir up forever; we all do, Nino, we all do. Shadow Moth finally steps in with - oh, less than eight minutes left in the episode, yikes - and Nino is akumatized into Rocketear.

Rocketear rejects Adrien's pleas to stop, insisting that Chat Noir is who he's after, not Adrien, and Adrien transforms in sad fashion despite Plagg's reminder of who Rocketear is after. Alya, meanwhile, is in the art club with Marinette - wait, since when was Alya in the art club - telling Marinette about how Chat Noir thought she was into him due to the video, which Marinette groans at. There's an earthquake and they peek outside to see Rocketear firing his tears at Chat Noir, shouting that he stole Alya from him. Chat Noir tries to tell him otherwise, but Rocketear won't listen.

Alya groans at Nino doing this, then she and Marinette set off to find a place to transform. They conveniently go to the same place Adrien and Nino were, so they see the desk that Nino had set up.

Genuine question, how seriously does this episode want me to take itself, because now when I recount all the unnecessary love square drama in my head - because you know that's where this is going - I'm going to have to think, "Nino, dressed in a detective outfit, ripped off his fake mustache and told Adrien both his and Rena's identities, and also that Ladybug was totally cool with it and thinks that Chat Noir is annoying."

Gettin' two completely different vibes here. The episode clearly wants to be important but it doesn't take itself seriously either, which it totally could while including enough jokes to keep things light. Instead, I'm just left scratching my head and wondering what tone they're going for.

Marinette finds Nino's phone on the desk - I'm calling continuity error on that one because he at no point put it on the desk, at least not on-screen - and she questions Alya on the video she sees. Alya insists that nothing happened, apparently completely unphased by her boyfriend having spied on her, and says that he wouldn't have misunderstood if he'd heard the actual conversation.

The two transform and Ladybug immediately uses Lucky Charm, receiving a projector. Ladybug is clueless and Rena Furtive suggests creating an imaginary movie like Nino. Ladybug gets an idea, remembering Alya's earlier comments, and Rena confirms that she remembers every word of it.

Aaaaand, just like that, all of the tension has been completely sucked away. You know, "Backwarder" was a trash episode, but at least when Ladybug was showing every step of her plan, she didn't tell us what it was.

Meanwhile, Rocketear and Chat Noir are still arguing--I started zoning out at hearing the same thing over and over again at this point, so I just presume they were fighting over who does stuff behind their love interest's backs better; I don't think they came to an agreement but they're both losers anyway.

Chat Noir says that he'll prove his innocence, tossing his baton aside to show him giving up, but Rocketear points out that it proves nothing and strikes Chat Noir with his tears.

Our endgame love interest, everyone. Straight As yet about as smart as a sack of bricks, and that at least won't flirt with anyone non-consensually.

Chat Noir makes a point that he doesn't want to hurt Rocketear, and Shadow Moth tells Rocketear to take his miraculous before finishing him. Chat Noir can only weakly tell him not to before Ladybug snags Rocketear's wrist and diverts the shot. Ladybug explains to Rocketear about the projector and how it'll let him hear the audio of the recording he took. She adds that she doesn't know what Chat said, but she trusts him.

Marinette, I'm sorry, I feel so bad for you.

Ladybug turns on the projector and Rocketear relaxes at actually hearing what was going on. Rena then de-transforms and hurries out to meet with Rocketear, hugging him as Rocketear apologizes for doubting her. Alya also kinda sorta apologizes in a way I don't understand and Rocketear then breaks his akumatization, very casually, all on his own.

Yeah, just--casually, in a matter of seconds in fact. You know, it's really sad when people resisting akumatizations are more tense and emotionally compelling than them breaking them. This is twice in one season now and has zero impact considering that Nino's reason for being akumatized was already taken care of so he had no reason to stay akumatized anyway. Him breaking his own object to release the akuma would've at least been different, but instead it's just a repeat of what Alya went through with even less tension considering that Alya's wasn't even that good in the first place, relying on her relationship to Ladybug rather than who she knew to be her best friend.

Moving on, Ladybug captures the akuma and uses Miraculous Ladybug to bring everything back to normal. Shadow Moth monologues about how love and secrets don't go well together and he's sure that she has a lot and I'll talk about this later.

Ladybug hands over the magical charm, which Nino takes but insists that he won't need it, as he'll never let Shadow Moth use his love to manipulate him again. Plenty of other things to get akumatized over, but they gave the supposedly ace character a robot to help him stick out and also gave the supposedly aro character a miraculous back in season one to give her more importance. If characters aren't in love then they need something to ceompensate for it.

Nino apologizes to Chat Noir for being wrong and Chat Noir assures him that everyone has doubts, even him. He gets sad and Ladybug asks him what's wrong, but he insists that he's fine - officially throwing away his right to be upset at her later as far as I'm concerned - and they do their usual fist buuuuu--

...Really?

Everyone then splits up and Chat Noir sulks by himself instead of--you know, talking to Ladybug, or asking her anything, or making any sort of excuse for her because that would mean he actually has faith in her and understands that their partnership is different from temporary heroes, even if the excuse was as basic as her wanting to protect him more than the others because he would be that egotistical if they didn't want to stretch out this unnecessary drama.

Later on, Adrien is staring at a picture on the Ladyblog that might be a metaphor for the show considering how "in the foreground" Chat Noir and Rena are.

Adrien vents about Ladybug giving miraculouses to Alya and Nino, but Plagg states that she's the guardian. Adrien clarifies that he's referring to Alya and Nino knowing each other's identities, but Plagg doesn't see the issue. Adrien gets huffy and asks why the rule exists for LadyNoir but not Ninya, but Plagg again points out that she's the guardian, so she makes the rules, though obviously he uses cheese metaphors to convey it.

Okay, Plagg is only, like--half-right because he doesn't have all the information. If you don't mind me rambling for a bit, I'm on the fence here because, on one hand--yes, I agree that Marinette should be allowed to make her own rules, and I often do that in my writing because I think she should be permitted leeway in order to let herself be happy, but on the other hand, it's not technically her rule, as she had to let Alya and Nino in on their identities back in the Season 2 finale, so Fu was still around for a season. She wasn't even guardian yet!

Now, presumably so the fandom could blame Marinette if anything happened, Marinette never discussed this with Fu on-screen, so I can't say whether or not Fu knew, but I feel like he must've since Marinette had to have told him the heroes' identities off-screen, given "Party Crasher," and thus I imagine that Marinette would tell Fu everything that happened, which is consistent with what she does on-screen even if she'd keep things from him for a little while.

"Furious Fu" had also established that not even Master Fu followed rules completely, meaning that Marinette is in this awkward spot of mostly following what Fu taught her, which aren't all guardian rules anyway, and having to break the rules on occasion for various purposes. I can't say what Fu approved of and what he didn't, because episodes spend so much time on the love square that they forget about Marinette as a person and how she interacts with everyone else. From an emotional standpoint, I can't blame Marinette for not revoking the miraculouses of people whose identities get discovered because of her, as I imagine she feels guilty and it probably doesn't seem fair to force them into another miraculous or have them be entirely without one because of a mistake that she made, meaning that someone needs to be throwing a lot of red flags for Marinette to be through with them.

Though obviously, from the show's standpoint, it's just an excuse to not make new models, but I complained about that enough in "Sentibubbler" and this episode even went out of its way to design a detective model for Nino while spraypainting Alya's bodysuit in the same breath, so this is the world we live in.

Anyway, Marinette is essentially in this position where she still has Fu's rules hovering over her, but she's also trying to step out on her own and make her own decisions to varying degrees of success or failure depending on your point of view. Tikki--wait, no, bad idea--Su-Han then, could easily give input on these things, perhaps with Marinette discussing a modern day set of rules for someone her age and going back and forth with Su-Han on what the right choices to make are, finding something that's comfortable but within a realm of predictable control. Su-Han was okay with some rules being broken after seeing how Ladybug handled them and they could've easily made this episode about that instead, but instead, we get rules being set and then being broken on a writer's whim.

Which now brings us to the end of the episode, where Marinette is on the phone with Alya and apologizes for causing trouble between her and Nino. Alya tells her not to worry and she'll fix things - you know, those things that, to Marinette's knowledge, have already been fixed - and asks if Marinette trusts her. Marinette does, and Alya hangs up in order to face Nino.

Yeah, that feeling of dread in your stomach? That means you know how predictable the writing is and what's about to happen, good for you.

Alya explains that she has to tell Nino something and he's worried, this time trying to sheepishly break the tension. She explains that she's still Rena Rouge, much to Nino's shock, and adds that she's in hiding, which is why Ladybug didn't want her to tell anyone. Nino asks why she's telling him if she's not supposed to tell anyone - proving my point from a while back that he wouldn't have been upset had she kept it a secret - then asks if Ladybug agreed with it.

I want to give him a pat on the back for considering Ladybug, but he didn't even tell her when he had the chance that Adrien knows his identity now, so I'm just beaten down at this point.

Instead of answering the question directly, Alya says that she can't hide her identity from him because she loves him and they don't have secrets.

You know, like Nino telling Adrien about Rena's identity, or Alya saying specifically that she's a permanent holder, which I'm sure both of them will confess to since they said that they don't have--aaaaand the episode ends on happy triumphant music, okay.

I mean, I guess Alya at least didn't tell him that Marinette was Ladybug, but that is such a low bar and not even remotely worthy of congratulations when Alya told Nino the specific thing that Marinette told Alya not to tell; the thing that they had agreed on.

Nino wasn't upset anymore. He won't be getting akumatized either. Alya endured the supposed hardship of being a permanent fox holder for four episodes before breaking down and telling her boyfriend. Even her excuse doesn't hold any water because, again, they're both still technically keeping a secret, particularly Alya who knows Marinette's identity as Ladybug. The episode also apparently forgets that Alya and Marinette's friendship must not be as strong by her logic of telling Nino specifically everything, as Alya kept Rena Rouge a secret from Marinette for all of Season 3, but tells Nino about continuing to be Rena Rouge in Season 4. Boyfriends before BFFs without explicitly saying it, or to be more specific, whatever screws Marinette over the most, because that's what this comes down to, made worse by "Optigami" where Marinette told Alya that she'd tell her everything and I guess that doesn't go both ways.

"Sentibubbler" had Alya stress that no one would ever know. She promised Marinette and told Marinette to trust her, and the episode spent its entire running time talking her up and assuring Marinette that she was the right choice, even considering Marinette ridiculous for worrying when Alya had done something without Marinette's permission the episode right before it. Then, three episodes after "Sentibubbler," when Marinette is finally comfortable and trusts Alya completely, Alya betrays that trust. Nino betrayed that trust, knowing he wasn't supposed to do so but telling Adrien his and Rena's identity anyway, because he was losing an argument and needed to PROVE something.

Marinette gives them an inch and they take a mile. Marinette bent the rules so that they could continue to have the miraculous they'd started with and they disrespected her because it was hard for like a day.

And if this bites them back, it won't reflect poorly on them, it'll reflect poorly on Marinette.

It's not like Alya just overrode Marinette. She didn't go, "Hey, I'm telling Nino, I'm sorry," or tried her hardest to go back and forth with Marinette until they both agreed. No, she did what she told Marinette she wouldn't do without saying a word to her, because LOVE and SEEEECRETS.

And this only applies to her, of course, because don't think I didn't notice the parallels between this episode and "Truth," because WOW.

Episode begins with Marinette hoping for something and it blows up in her face? A date at the cinema that ends on a sour note? Plot-centric couple trying to get Andre's ice cream and the female with a secret needing to leave in a hurry? Boyfriend character getting akumatized over their girlfriend's secret? Boyfriend assumes/suggests that the girlfriend's secret involves Aaaaaadrien - or his alter-ego in "Rocketear"'s case - and the episode hints as much to him even though he's completely wrong? Akuma's colors are blue and black? THE BRIDGE?

But, ahhh, little difference, here and there, y'know, like how Marinette was forced to break up with her boyfriend while Alya got to keep hers, and Nino got to have long talks with Alya while Luka got little to nothing with Marinette.

Because do note that Alya, while trying to convince Marinette and talk to Nino about not keeping secrets, at no point suggests that Marinette deserves to be happy and deserves to have a boyfriend and that Marinette should be allowed to tell Luka her secret so they can get back together, so you have Alya here selfishly prioritizing her relationship with Nino while making no comment about Marinette's relationship, essentially asking Marinette to allow her what Marinette herself didn't have the luxury of, and Alya knows this because Marinette told her. It is both incredibly insensitive of Alya and incredibly insulting of the show to make so many parallels between this episode and "Truth" just to have everything crash down for Marinette because she's Marinette while everything goes well for Alya and Nino because they're not Marinette.

We've talked before about the formulas that are literally baked into the show, and one of those is how Marinette makes a mistake in every episode and has to learn from it. What that mistake is in this episode, I don't know, but considering that she apologizes for Alya and Nino's problems, I guess the show blames her for what they themselves had taught her.

Point being, there's a clear karma system in place, but it only applies to Marinette, and forcing her to mess up in every episode means that she is literally not allowed to be with Luka because had she been able to clear things up between them, he would've eagerly accepted her and they could've been happy. It'd be too difficult for her to mess up when Luka doesn't put mountains of pressure and expectations on her like everyone else. Factor that in with how she can be herself around him and it leads to situation that are too difficult for her to screw up in because her mistakes - more often than not - center around Adrien or her role as guardian.

And because another rule in the show is to bring up Adrien so they don't "lose him for too long," she can't avoid bringing him up either. If he's not in the plot, he has to be mentioned, leaving Marinette in a lose-lose situation that she'll never be free from.

So, let me just get this straight then:

The guy who spied on his girlfriend instead of talking to her about his assumptions gets to keep his girlfriend, not because he realized it was wrong regardless of whether he was correct or not, but because the situation had been cleared up for him, yet the guy who actively resisted his akumatization, saddened by his girlfriend's secrets but wanting her to share them when she was ready, gets broken up with and tossed to the wayside because he's not a rich blond boy who got a miraculous because he happened to be within the twenty meters of space where Fu was searching for new holders?

Meanwhile, the girlfriend who has gone against the wishes and insistence of her best friend - guardian of the miraculouses, by the way, so she calls the shots, something that Alya herself said in "Optigami" BEFORE GOING ON TO DO HER OWN THING IN THE SAME EPISODE AND BEING REWARDED FOR IT - is allowed to go against the wishes and insistence of her best friend again for the sake of "all love, no secrets" with her boyfriend and so she can have the happy ending she wants, yet the girl who was chosen for a miraculous without her consent, forced to screw up and talk about a random boy who doesn't even go out of his way to spend time with her, treated like absolute trash by writers who find humor in her misery, and is the only one to receive overly harsh and long-lasting consequences for her actions while also covering up and forgiving the actions of others within the episode where they do it...

doesn't get her happy ending, and won't ever get her happy ending. That thing Shadow Moth said about love and secrets not going well together? Yeah, only goes as far as the writers want it to, because both Nino and Alya still have secrets, and some of the ones they did tell each other were forced by someone else and kept until that very moment. This idea that people in love have to tell each other everything and that it makes a relationship stronger makes me immensely uncomfortable, and that lesson is also in "Guiltrip."

People should be allowed their secrets, and obviously there are exceptions for things that are being hidden with malicious intent, but being essentially forced to share everything or risk not having a "full and complete" relationship is stifling and sounds like it'd only cause stress.

This episode sucks. It furthers and confirms everything I've already thought about the show, Nino's screentime continues to be dependent on Adrien, Alya, or both, there are pointless references that completely take me out of the experience, and the utter betrayal from Alya and supposed message of the episode just reminds me that Marinette is inevitably going to be stuck with a guy who didn't even DO anything in this episode and is going to let himself stew instead of asking for any sort of clarifications from someone he apparently trusts so much.

So the takeaway is that Marinette's life is awful, she'll be forced to apologize for rules that she didn't even come up with herself, her best friend will walk all over her for the sake of her relationship with a guy - not even for the sake, really, they were going to be fine, it was more for HER personal comfort if anything - and the guy who actually makes Marinette happy and could've known her identity instead BECAUSE HE AT LEAST DIDN'T HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF SPILLING HER SECRETS gets treated in the exact same way that she does; like nothing, just something to abuse unfairly.

What a waste of an episode.

#MC's Videos #category: episode summaries #category: salt #salt: adrien agreste #salt: chat noir #salt: alya cesaire #salt: nino lahiffe #video: critique #MC's Renders #render: persona #episode: Rocketear #((I would usually apologize for rambling but you guys seem to like it lol.))#((I could still afford to trim down the summary probably and repeat myself/ramble a BIT less but yeah.))#((I'm also feeling a little more comfortable this time around))#((which might come off in my inflections.))

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