#nitw meta

[salty-an-disco]

Drew that thing I was thinking about- now, what is this about Mae and Gregg and Cold and Contrarian parallels? (Looking at you very politely)

Him melting aomsksjdxkdoke. so cute <3 Augh. Thank you so much for the contrahero, I’m love them T^T

Now– onto the Gregg&Mae and Contra&Cold parallels– *cracks knuckles* (warning: long ramble ahead)

The most obvious similarities is how dismissive all these characters are of danger and death. One of the first things Mae does when she comes back to town is climb to the wire lines so that she can go over a fence. And before that, she almost got crushed by some tree trunks and this is her reaction:

And on your first encounter (and Mae’s reencounter) with Gregg, those two easily fall back into a familiar bit: listing off horrible things that could’ve happened to the other one, seemingly trying to one-up each other in tragedy levels (that ‘too bad…’ game). To these two, danger, risk of death and injury, it’s all entertainment. Something fun to do with your closest friend. Each of Gregg’s hang out is a dangerous and illegal activity that Mae is happy to go along with (smashing lightbulbs with bats, firing a crossbow on a statue or birds, the knife fight, stealing an animatronic, etc, etc, etc).

Just from this, you can already see where the parallels start. Much like Mae and Gregg, Cold and Contrarian also don’t really care for danger, not really believing consequences are a thing, and going along with whatever would be the most fun.

There’s a very crucial difference though, and it’s that Mae and Gregg are actual people that grew up in a community full of other people; and I think looking into their character arcs more thoroughly could really help to see how Contra and Cold could develop in the real world, or even the kinda people they could be if they were always humans.

First, Gregg:

When you first meet him in Snack Falcon, he’s incredibly energetic and excited to see Mae, happy stimming, screaming, and immediately deciding they need to do a band practice. Those are the first things we learn about Gregg: energetic, impulsive, has a bit of a morbid humor, and really missed Mae. And after meeting with the rest of the band, Bea and Angus, he’s apparently the only one there who missed Mae; both Angus and Bea seem more bemused than enthusiastic, and Casey (someone both Mae and Gregg mention fondly) is nowhere to be found.

That immediately presents Gregg as Mae’s main support, besides her parents, back in Possum Springs, since everyone in town seems to dislike and distrust her for one thing or another she did in the past, but Gregg never seem to care. He’s on the same wavelength as Mae, and because of that, Mae thinks fondly of him. In the midst of all the mess that was dropping out of college and going back home, hanging out with Gregg, doing stupid and illegal shit is a reliable, and maybe even cathartic, source of comfort.

At least– that’s what Mae was hoping for. But Gregg is planning to move out with his boyfriend, Angus, sometime in the future.

And when you think about it– that’s perfectly fair. Gregg is a queer man, heavily implied to be neurodivergent (bipolar is mentioned at one point in the game), living in a conservative small town; of course he’d want to leave as soon as he could. And it’s not like it’s easy for him either, he knows what kind struggles they’ll run it, Possum Springs may suck, but it’s familiar and where everyone he knows is. But he HAS to go, it’s the only way he can grow. (Let’s shelf this for later for now).

And not only that, but much like Mae, Gregg’s also dealing with his own mental issues.

With some more prodding from Mae, we learn that Gregg and Angus have been arguing, and it’s really heaving on Gregg, making him feel like he’s not good enough. Paraphrasing his own words– “Maybe I’m inconsiderate. Maybe I’m not good. I’m just parking lot trash. I’ve known it all along; I’ve got no future if it was just me.”

And that’s what he’s scared of. Being with Angus gave him hope and a future to look forward to, when before, he was most likely just trudging along and whatever happens, happens, much like Mae is doing for the entire game. But now, he has a future, and someone he cares for. And he’s terrified of screwing it up, of losting the one thing, failing the one person he so badly wants to do right by (*gestures vaguely towards ContraHero*).

And Mae doesn’t really understand. She doesn’t know what it is like to have something to worry about, or a future to prepare for. She went to college, yes, but her heart was never in it, she only went along with what her parents wanted and as soon as it got too bad for her to handle, she dipped and went back to Possum Springs, where everythings more simple. Except, it isn’t anymore. Bea hates her, her parents are disappointed in hee, Gregg will be moving out soon, and everyone remembers what she did to that kid in the softball game.

Speaking of–

Let’s talk about Mae’s reputation in the town.

(sounds familiar........ 🤔)

We immediately catch up that Mae was a troublemaker in town by how everyone talks to her. Her aunt mall cop already sounds exhausted (if unsurprised) after seeing that Mae jumped over the fence instead of going the longer way around to the town’s entrance. Mae is known for stealing, vandalizing, causing trouble to the elders, and, more predominantly, of sending a kid to the hospital back in high school (where the ‘killer’ nickname came from). That last one is treated as one of the main mysteries from Mae’s past, together with the reason she dropped out of college. No one in town, and we, the player, really know why she did that, and Lori M (the rat girl up there^) mention their mothers warning kids to stay away from her in case she snaps again.

Mae, for the most part, acts unaffected by this, and seems to embrace her troublemaker status; in a confrontation with an old man that was directly affected by Mae’s behavior in the past, you have the option to double down and insult him back, basically confirming his statement about how Mae hasn’t changed, and is still just the same kid that’s always searching for trouble.

And, yeah, during the day, with other people around, Mae acts like it doesn’t affect her, says she enjoys being seen as a miscreant, and plays into what everyone expects of her. But alone? There’s this very poignant scene where Mae is standing in front of a mirror, preparing for a party, where all her insecurities and self-consciousness comes to light:

(note: the other option you can choose in the second pic is: “You don’t like people. Clearly.”)

We see that not only is Mae self-conscious about her appearance, she DOES care about what people think. She craves connection and a community, that’s why she came back to Possum Springs, but for some reason, it seems like she just can’t hold on to a relationship for long before fucking up.

She’s impulsive, doesn’t have much of a filter, and struggles to understand other people’s perspectives. We see that clearly with Bea. It was Bea’s dream to go to college, but because of personal issues, she can’t; and Mae, someone who GOT that chance, simply threw it all away and dismissed it as ‘college just wasn’t for me’ upon coming back, and expects everything to be as it always was.

Mae isn’t an understanding person. She tries, and she really wants to help the people around her, but she just isn’t very good at understanding people, and will often run her mouth at the worst moments. Bea’s hangouts has some of the best (or worst, ig) examples of that. I’m not gonna get too deep into what happens, but, uhm. It gets BAD, and those moments can make you really unsympathetic towards Mae; but you gotta respect this game for not pulling its punches when showing off its protagonist’s worst traits (and honestly, it made me love Mae all the more, she’s so beautifully flawed).

You can see the familiarities to Cold? Struggle with understanding others, impulsive decisions made with the main goal of entertaining yourself, no sense of danger, disregard of own life, no filter– the main difference is that Mae is much more emotional and prone to snapping, but I feel like their core struggles are very similar.

I could go more into how Mae’s derealization is also very similar to how Cold views the world, but while Cold embraces that feeling as a reason to why you can disregard pain and consequences, that thought terrifies Mae and the kind of person that makes her (it doesn’t make her a bad person, btw, she’s mentally ill and traumatized, but ‘bad person’ is what she internalizes after being told so for so long), but anyway aaaaaaaaahhhhhh this got so long and pretty rambly akaksjsmsjd)djsjdj. Hopefully it made sense though? This has been turning around in my head for days now, glad to finally put it out.

[maespri]

maebea posting on main

man mae and bea nitw make me soooo. like i can barely put it into words man. and the game unveils it in such a wonderful way, especially if you do all of bea's hangouts. i think what gets me is just how much they conflict but also how easy it is to see both mae's side and bea's side.

like mae comes stumbling back into town some random october with no warning after being at college for two years. college, which was bea's dream- a dream she never got to have and never will get to have. and bea is bitter. and not only that, but she shows it to mae. she lets her know just how much it pisses her off. in the diner on her first day back, in the car after the party in the woods. she is literally dripping with jealousy and it's only made more prominent when juxtaposed against gregg and angus clearly not having any strong feelings about it/welcoming mae back with open arms. it kind of immediately makes you look at bea and wonder what her problem is—

but then the party in the woods happens. and mae's mental health literally became so twisted and unbearable that she forgot bea's mom is dead, and bea tells mae she would literally kick her out of her moving car if it meant she got to go to college, and she angrily asks a very drunk mae, what the hell happened to you?- "you used to be smart, you used to be worth talking to, what's wrong with you?!" and mae bursts into tears, and bea tells her to get the hell out of her car when they reach her house, but when mae can't, bea still helps her get into her own bed. she still calls her the nickname mae called her when they were children and wishes her goodnight.

you can tell bea is exhausted throughout the game. she's overworked and she misses her mom and her dad maybe isn't father of the year and overall her whole situation in life kind of just sucks. but what makes me love her so much is that she never lets that stop her from trying to understand, even if it's usually after the fact. like mae got drunk and forgot bea's mom was dead and had to literally be carried into her house and bea is the one who sends her a message the next morning saying she's sorry for what she said. in the dinner hangout, mae barges into bea's house and demands to know why she doesn't just quit her job when she's being mistreated. like mae doesn't understand her situation at all and still thinks she has a right to give her advice- but bea still responds to mae's admittedly rather half-assed apology over messenger that night. bea sends mae messages every day telling her to come talk to her at work. she talks about a show she's watching that she knows mae likes. she tries so so hard to understand and connect with mae, even when mae screws it up.

and i think it's easy for people to dislike mae in this game, but i think you also come to recognize her perspective so much more. she doesn't like seeing her friends being treated the wrong way, so even when she has no idea what it's like for bea, she tries to help. it backfires, but she tries.

what i think mae does for bea is really just. give her so many cluster headaches but also bring out a side of her that was totally buried.

mae, who stole from some hot topic knockoff and jacked up a fountain in a mall with bea just to make her laugh. who watched fireflies with her on the porch of a house at night. who put on the play for her at harfest, who dragged her along to go grave digging, who chased her across a city in proximity. i think mae brought her back some sense of the youth bea had stolen from her by all her troubles.

and i think if you do go down bea's route it makes the couch scene even more fulfilling, because bea finally gets to realize that mae didn't just drop out because college wasn't fun enough or because she got bored. she gets to find out what mae actually went through there. and she gets to tell mae that she'll be okay and that she's sorry for what she went through. bea gets to understand, and i think that full circle from "i would've killed to go to college, i can't believe you dropped out" to the entire couch scene just. makes it so much more beautiful. (which isn't to say gregg's route isn't beautiful- i could talk about gregg for ages, but that's a post for another time.)

anyway. i could go on and on but what i'm really trying to say is bea's route is so worth it man... many thoughts

[sacrificialalt]

ID: sketch of Jasper from ForEach using a laptop just trying to play Love Bomb, surrounded by the characters from the game all aggressively vying for his attention as he looks incredibly uncomfortable. /End ID

Link to comic. Slight rambling below the cut.

So I've been reading ForEach! I'm typing the name like that in case that helps screen readers any, though with my luck maybe it's pronounced for-ey-yatch instead, haha.

This was born out of my wonder about the seeming lack of enthusiasm of the player character; I don't think we ever really see Jasper's reaction, so I went for the one-to-one interpretation. Coupled with the friendship issues, there's the obvious read of escapism (not quite correct, a better word eludes me) that isn't working anymore, possibly even to an unhealthy extent—the game's even called love bomb, after all, and the NPCs are certainly acting the part.

That said, it'd be interesting if there were dissonance between the two; I've been pretty into stories with meta elements recently, especially in the lines between a player and their characters—is Jiro somehow sentient? Or alternatively, is the game intentionally made that way? I wouldn't dismiss either, what with the story already having supernatural elements.

(Of course, it's still to be seen how relevant the game is to the story. Given the comic's name my guess is it stays relevant rather than a short establishing moment, though the two aren't mutually exclusive…but we'll see!)

…Er, wild mass guessing aside—don't take any of this too seriously—I'm a sucker for stories exploring the shifts in childhood relationship dynamics (this is joining a particular furry case, with NitW and Echo), the art is good, and I'm having a good time. What more could you ask for?

[waterfall-ambience]

Do you have any music/songs that you associate with Globeland Perpetua? Bonus question, what kind of music would Luna or Damien listen to?

I actually have a spotify playlist for Perpetua! It's not exactly...comprehensive, since I focused more on the general vibes, and didn't want too much overlap with other thematically similar/relevant playlists - ie Hermitclones, Evilworm, and Mythological Meta. Damien and Luna also have their own character playlists.

As for character listening habits, Damien is an easy in that he's VERY much an MCR kid. His design was heavily inspired by Black Parade era Gerard Way, but I think his favourite album would be Danger Days, especially once he grows into himself. He'd be one of those people who listen to 'Villain Era' playlists, but be very picky with the kinds of songs in them- he wants *supervillain*, not 'axe murderer', 'spurned teenage girl', 'femme fatale', 'sad kid with a ukulele', or those other archetypes commonly featured.

That aside, he'd fucking love J-rock.

Luna's the type to mostly listen to music while he's working, and even that would just be the sort of stuff that comes up on 'classical study' playlists. Sometimes he'd put on the soundtrack to whatever ballets he has the discs of.

To get a bit more anachronistic and put him in our world in 2022, he'd drive to 80s music (eg U2) or 2000s indie (eg Kevine Devine, Manchester Orchestra), unless it's the early morning, in which case he'd listen to that genre of radio show featuring 2 lovable idiots talking about some nonsense (NZ example - The Matt & Jerry Show, fictional example- Garbo and Malloy (NITW)).

[stushixstushi]

Made a new vid about a game I love and characters I love to hate on. Hope yall enjoy 🐈🐊

[clowniconography]

so i was watching my friend play nitw (after having completed it twice before myself) and i started thinking about that one post talking about narratives that created these otherworldly, out-there stories and then pull back @ the last second out of cowardice, saying “it was all a dream”, “ the character was on drugs” and, the most common and arguably most infuriating; “it was this character’s mental illness all along”.

and that got me thinking about how nitw could’ve easily gone down that route—especially the last one. mae is painted as an unreliable narrator—she’s explicitly mentally ill and often acts irrationally. none of her rational friends believe her theories about ghosts or ‘meeting god’. angus, one of the most logical and level headed characters on the game, is even a staunch atheist.

the story even gives itself an out. for the first part of the third act, it lets you believe all the answers are totally not mystical. it could easily go down the “it was the human cult” route, the “humans are the real monsters” route.

but then it doesn’t.

and yes, while maes ghost theory does turn out to be wrong, it’s also not completely unfounded.

there are actual supernatural forces behind the scenes. the thing that the cult makes sacrifices to actually exsists and has real malicious intent.

there is an actual giant eldritch monster living under the town that everyone, knowingly or not, has to deal with. and—AND—the game still manages to be a touching parable about mental illness and friendship without making that monster into some lazy metaphor or narrative escape mechanism.

which i just find really cool

[terrania]

Oh god what did I do

[baedlyweathered]

So, I was trying to figure out what the animals in Mae’s dreams meant. At first I thought they might be actual animals in the game, but then I realized maybe they represented people in the cult.

And who would be the most likely cult-prits? The town council, who are suspiciously missing during the epilogue and also just happen to match the animals at the end of Mae’s dreams.

And the cat?

There are multiple cats, but only one that hangs out with the town council...

Aunt Mallcop. Maybe Mae isn’t as off the mark as you might think.

[sisyphean-everchase]

No more tragedies in horror society has progressed past the need for tragedies in horror

[salty-an-disco]

Honestly? All of them. It is possible that Narrator only thought the world was close to an end, and that delusion got so strong, it pushed him to this desperate action. I don’t remember the exact wording, but he said about having a ‘vision’ of a better world, and it’s possible that he claims that the universe was close to collapsing were seemingly visions of his. It’d be rather ironic, wouldn’t it? That something he only perceived as being reality might’ve been what brought about the end because of his actions.

Other possibilities are more based on other stories, like Night in the Woods and Disco Elysium (coincidentally, two of the games this blog also posts about!) Spoilers for both of them under the cut:

In Disco Elysium, something called The Pale, is slowly spreading and will eventually cover the entire world. It is anti-matter, a state where Nothing resides, and all your memories get absorbed. It is very much a apocalyptic scenario that’s hinted at being close to coming to fruition. And yet, life continues, people still tell stories and laugh, and help each other. Knowing that After Life, Death, After Death, The Pale, After The Pale, Life Again. That’s one of the core beliefs in DE and something that fits so well with STP that it’s very easy to connect the two.

Similarly, Night in the Woods also hints at a apocalyptic scenario, though it’s very ambiguous whether it is actually happening or if it is all in the protagonist’s head. Its’s said that there’s a Hole at the Center of the Universe, and that in it, The Black Goat resides. And the Hole is growing, and will one day consume everything. (Again, this is all relayed through moments where it’s very unclear if It’s Actually Happening or if it’s all in Mae’s head). But again, it’s very easy to connect this to STP’s lore, and it’s the very reason I made a NITW AU in the first place lol. And similarly to DE, NITW has a: “even if the world is ending; there’s still people. There’s still things worthing holding on to” which is a theme that is very dear and near to my heart as you can see by my general philosophy lol.

I disagree with Narrator in a very fundamental and philosophical level, but you know, even if I agreed 100% with his worldview and the reality he wants to bring about, I’d still think he’s wrong for taking matters into his own hands and changing THE VERY FABRIC OF REALITY affecting people in the entire universe, simply because HE thinks he knows what best for the world.

Like– that’s why I find him so fascinating, it’s not only the fear of death or disgust towards the very concept of change (tho that is very funny and interesting in its own right), but the utter arrogance to champion himself Savior of the World without EVER considering that maybe– just maybe, people might not agree with what he plans to do.

Like. Hubris indeed, and he even has the gall to say, “you can still do what you must and kill her” when we call him out on it. Like. Wow. I want to study this guy under a microscope.

[theamberfang]

Journal 233: Relatable

NitW: Day Three

Like I did yesterday, I’ll just kick off tonight’s journal with my experience playing a bit of Night in the Woods: Mae’s third full day back home, in which she seeks out Bea to get her to drive everyone to a party, then the subsequent party that night. Throughout this day and night, the player learns a lot about Mae: her past, her relationships, and how she thinks.

The day starts much the same as the previous two: Mae gets up, has something to do, so she runs around town to get it done; maybe she also talks to a bunch of people on the way. Like the day before, there aren’t quite as many people to talk to as there were on that very first day.

Something I’m beginning to notice though—that has been present the whole—is a general feeling of discontent from the town’s populace. Many people in the background are dissatisfied with their lot in life and are looking for work. I recall from the first day someone who was only a few years Mae’s senior who was recently laid off work. Coworkers, in front of the telemarketing offices, talk about how one of them is dissatisfied with the job and wants to work somewhere else; the other tries to get her to stay, telling her that “she just needs to work hard to climb the leaderboards.” (Ignoring how, by their very nature, someone has to be at the bottom of those leaderboards; I’m also sure very few at the top get any benefits at all.) There’s also the woman, about Mae’s age I think, who hangs out at the bottom of the hill, in the area just to the left of Mae’s neighborhood; just today she was talking about having applied to the local supermarket, where Mae’s dad also works. She has dreams beyond this little town, but the supermarket is the best she can do.

Anyway, I know that my goal is to talk to Bea, so I do what I’ve always done in games and explore everywhere else first. A light-post is being repaired today, so soon I’ll be able to explore the higher stories of the town. Angus was at work, and he said that even if he doesn’t really like parties, it’s different if Gregg is around: Gregg is his corner. I “awww’d” in synch with Mae at that. Gregg continued to be a bundle of excitement over at the Snack Falcon, but was otherwise uneventful.

With nothing left to do but finally meet with Bea, Mae finds her busy dealing with a difficult customer. Really, Bea seems to be busy all around, and curtly tells Mae to go home and get ready. It turns out I didn’t have to make sure to explore first, since I think I could have spent this time visiting Angus and Gregg—though, now that I think about it, it’s possible that they’d have more to say after you speak to Bea. (Too late now.)

(Oh yeah, Mae draws a page for Bea in her journal, and in the corner she writes “MAEBEA.” I guess I may have very well been remembering the ship-name from the game itself.)

Outside of home, Mae found Aunt Molly, who had ominous words of warning for Mae. There’s a strong implication that the areas around town are not as safe as they appear: that Aunt Molly has seen more than a severed arm by the diner. I recall Casey, one of Mae’s old friends, who used to be the drummer for their band, and how he’s gone missing. Did he really just run away? Time will tell, I suppose.

The Party

Once Mae is back inside, she finds her parents in the kitchen having made tacos. I opted to have Mae say that she was going to eat snacks at the party, which turns into a fun discussion about snakes—reminiscent of an online exchange Mae had with Gregg the previous night.

As the time for the party draws near, Mae finds herself waiting in her room. She has to “get ready,” but it amounts to nothing more than fretting in front of the mirror. Her fretting is incredibly relatable though: anxious thoughts about how she looks (Nightmare Eyes), whether people like her (or if she even likes people), how to introduce herself to people (Hi, I’m a college dropout!), and if her ex, Cole, will be at the party (Please, whatever-gods no).

After a short drive, the gang makes it to the party. Gregg and Angus make their way to the edge of the party—a corner perhaps, despite this being a forest—and they’re content to stay there despite (or because of?) the sound of smooching. Bea separates from the group to mingle with a goat (who, as far as I know, is unnamed and unimportant, so maybe they just serve as general partygoer?) Mae is left to wander around by herself, but the only people she’s actually willing to talk to are her friends, even if they’re busy doing their own thing. The only alternatives are awkwardly walking around Cole, who showed up despite Mae’s prayers, or drinking.

The only real option then... is to drink. With each drink, Mae has new things to say to her friends, but she never quite musters the courage to talk sustain a conversation with Cole. With just three drinks, Mae ends up quite drunk, and at one point reveals to Gregg and Angus that her dad used to be a violent drunk. Her friends encourage her to have a seat by the fire...

Which prompts Cole to come talk to Mae himself. Mae can’t really handle it, and turns the stump she’s sitting on into a soapbox, ranting about the sad state of her life, and ultimately threatening to attack Cole in the night, with a knife. (Though, I think she might have just been describing the horror movie she thought of: Nightmare Eyes.) Her rant is punctuated with vomit, and Bea promptly driving her home.

During that drive, it’s revealed that Mae and Bea used to be best friends when they were young, complete with adorable nicknames for one another, despite how cold Bea has been to Mae since her return. We’re also given some clues as to why Bea has been so cold: Mae has somehow forgotten that Bea’s mom is dead, and Bea is jealous of Mae for having gone off to college and also angry how Mae has dropped out. Still, Bea helps Mae get inside and into bed, referring to Mae with her old nickname, Mayday, before heading out herself.

Bed isn’t quite the end of today though, as it’s the game’s first dream sequence. Mae has a dream of running around with a baseball bat, gleefully smashing cars, lampposts, and neon lights. She leaves a trail of destruction as she climbs up a hill, and at the top it becomes apparent where this is: the college that Mae dropped out from. Here stands the statue of the college’s founder, just as Mae had described it in her rant at the party: pointing down at her condescendingly. It becomes clear that this was Mae’s ultimate target. She would bring low this hauty figure of welded metal frame.

Looking at just this dream and not knowing anything that comes later, one interpretation is that Mae literally went on this kind of rampage. We’ve been hearing from various people how she hurt someone really bad before. At the party, she drunkenly threatened to violently stab Cole, and we also learned that her father was similarly a violent drunk. A milder interpretation is that this dream illustrates how angry and frustrated she felt at college; while fretting in front of a mirror, she did recall how she didn’t make any friends there. It’s possible that the statue wasn’t actually posed to point down at people, but it was instead how Mae felt it looked at her: the same way that her professors may have looked at her, the smalltown girl she is.

All of this hits pretty close to home for me, as a university dropout myself. About three years into a mechanical engineering major, I voluntarily hospitalized myself for suicidal thoughts and major depression; based on what I’ve seen thus far, I imagine Mae collapsed under similar mental and emotional pressure. Years later, I still haven’t gone back. From a practical perspective, even if I was three years in and “almost finished,” I’d inevitably have to retake a bunch of classes—likely two years worth—to relearn all of the foundational material. Beyond that though, simply thinking about university stresses me the hell out: it’s the place that I spend walking around, sometimes for hours it felt like, being depressed and thinking about killing myself.

Bea’s words actually hit me the hardest, because those were the sorts of words I shamed myself with when I was too depressed to attend classes. Instead I spent my time walking around campus with my suicidal thoughts, or occasional driving off campus to watch a movie or something. I knew other people would kill for what I had, and there I was, squandering it. Maybe, in the past couple times I tried playing the game, I had hung out with Bea because I really wanted to see her forgive Mae for dropping out, because that would be like she was forgiving me.

My Day

Outside of playing Night in the Woods, I managed to complete my other tasks of  studying more with Khan Academy and browsing Tumblr themes—I actually went beyond that and picked one. Thinking back, I remembered that the reason I picked the theme I had was simply because it was light text on a dark background. Now that I have more experience actually writing here though, I like this one because it makes it easy to read long text posts, and I imagine reblogs should look better with this layout. I still want to tinker with other things eventually, like the color scheme, description (since the space for it is so much bigger now), and maybe even my profile icon.

I also found myself fretting over how yesterday’s journal didn’t have any notes despite being tagged with “#nitw.” I mean, a past post where I barely had anything to say about the game got some notes, so why not the one where I actually wrote at length about it? Was it bad? Should it be in a separate post afterall? Should I go back and separate everything out and start a new series of posts dedicated to Night in the Woods?

Well, upon reflection, I’m pretty sure I should simply stop paying attention to the notes on any of my posts. There’s a reason I turned off the notifications for those things; I’ve just been looking at the activity page for my blog anyway. Like with how I’ve committed to cutting sugar out of my diet, I need to work on cutting out this addiction to internet points. It’ll be hard on Reddit since there isn’t a way to remove karma from the website UX, at least as far as I know, but for Tumblr and YouTube comments I have to go out of my way to look at these points. I need to commit to not clicking on these things just to see notes and likes go up.

Regardless, I need to remember that this blog is intended to be a place for me to put up rough work. Even if I split off the Night in the Woods content later, I don’t have to make a big deal about the older parts being attached to my daily journals. Things are going to be messy here, and my work here is, in part, practice for becoming comfortable with an imperfect mess. If I really feel like I can make a more complete work with my NitW content, it should be easy enough to search for the tag—actually another thing to remember, the tags I use aren’t only for people finding my blog, but for me. Really, it might be healthier for me personally to think of my tags as primarily being for my own organizational purposes, because thinking too much about other people using these tags will only make me anxious.

I’ve briefly considered attempting to give the NitW stuff it’s own post tomorrow, but I don’t think I’m quite ready for it yet. There’s less anxiety at the thought of it, but still enough that I think I’d end up not doing it at all. I just went through the effort of making myself more comfortable with the mess I’m making anyway, so I may as well let the mess get a bit bigger.

My mom and I missed out on grocery shopping again today. Apparently my father took his car out to be worked on this morning and needed mom to go pick him up. They ended up also staying out for several hours for other things, like waiting on my father’s prescriptions and picking up food. They didn’t go for groceries though, so maybe we’ll still be doing that tomorrow?

Oh! I also caught the Drawfee livestream today and something exciting happened: Julia ended up using my name for a “name game.” Basically, she drew her interpretation of “AmberFang,” which turned out to be a glossy chunk of amber that was also a vampire—who was also clumsily cooking in a kitchen because she had previously started a drawing of “Chefwhatnot,” but that person had already been drawn before. It was the last thing drawn, so it should be near the end of the VOD if you want to check it out for whatever reason.

Tomorrow’s Tasks

Dance for exercise; 1000

MLP: FiM S9 E21; 1130

Message Wan; 1200

KA: US History; 1500

Play NitW; 1800

Journal; 2000

[demimonde-semigoddess]

Also I never mentioned it before on here I don’t think, but I still like my NitW headcanon that nobody is actually furries, another one of the weird therapy things Mae was told to do to combat her dissociation was imagine people as animal personas to help her focus on/relate to them more.

[laughingpinecone]

I don't know if you've expanded anywhere but your post about the curtainless twin peaks horse lives inside my brain so presently and I am extremely interested in hearing your thoughts on that symbolism please?

(The post: x)

I have not! Or, I've probably rambled about horse and horse byproducts off discord but it's lost in the swamp of 2017 TPTR meta.

So for me, the horse (in s3 and merrily reframing its previous appearances) stands for passive evil, for allowing bad things to happen through inaction, through closing an eye. This mostly comes from the "the horse is the white of the eyes and dark within" lines, which I think describe that very thing, and from the fact that it appears to Sarah whose role in the story is doing precisely that. (then the horse is arguably Judy's biggest symbol and so that's how I ready Judy - after all, it's from a diffuse state of uncaring that Bob can emerge)

Then there's the red room, the "waiting room" as it is described. The one liminal space where you can still think in terms of humanity and psychology, I feel. It is the place dominated by the color red, which I think in general the show uses as shorthand for the illusion of the world, "veil of Maya" sort of thing. In a moment of clarity (well, of extreme confusion and trauma, but you gotta roll with the punches and make the most of those), the curtains as an actual veil are parted and show what lies behind this construct of human lives and connections we've built for ourselves. And it's... an empty, alien expanse, with only the symbol for "not caring" standing in it.

And maybe I'm completely off the mark when compared to the authors' intentions, but that's what I got out of that scene and I think that's of a piece with those beautiful quotes from NitW and Disco.

(Kentucky Route Zero, ever the poet, would like to add "GLORYITISGOODTOBEAMONGFRIENDS!" as its poignant contribution to the topic)

[gutterinouterspace]

I don’t know NiTW very well, but these are great thoughts and I enjoyed reading them! Hugely relate while playing the game (this is Sybilius on sideblog, by the way)

To speak to Disco Elysium for a moment, I really like the moments in the game where your physical body and presence as Harry makes moments hit different. I’m going to describe a minor moment under the cut for the benefit of the rest of the blog audience, but you can click or not click if you care deeply about spoilers for interactions with the Frittte. 

No moment sticks out to me more regarding “you’re not just Harry and his unknown history, you’re also Harry in the body and presence he exudes” than the exchange with the Frittte clerk about her magazine:

You - "What magazine are you reading?"

Frittte clerk -"You mean this?" She looks at the cover boasting a colourful photo of two girls kissing.

Frittte clerk -"This is Pop-Stars, it's got, like, famous people in it? It's not for sale”

You -"I approve of this, very futuristic." (Tap on the girls kissing.)

Frittte clerk -She pops her raspberry-flavoured bubblegum and nods.

Composure -Her shoulders tense. She shuffles back only slightly; bewilderment and repulsion root her in place.

Kim Kitsuragi -The lieutenant frowns at you, before turning to the clerk with an apologetic half-smile.

I unthinkingly picked the “futuristic” dialogue option even though it sounds a little weird, because I was like “how do I say I am, so to speak, down with the homosexual underground?”. But the game takes a moment to remind you that you are not you, but rather Harry du Bois, middle-aged alcoholic cop saying this to a random teenage cashier. And the way that hits doesn’t have to do with Harry’s history insofar as it has to do with his physical form and positioning as a cop. 

Anyways DE has great writing <3 :”) 

Hmm, Disco Elysium delivers information about Harry in a way that is very similar to how Night in the Woods does it, which is extremely effective.

In NitW you learn about how much of a trashfire Mae is as she learns it as well, Mae's character is largely a mollycoddle who suddenly has to face that fact that she didn't grow up with the rest of her peers. So when you're presented with a set of choices which are all bad you still get it, because you now Know Things about Mae. The obvious scene for this is when Bea drives you back from the party but really pretty much the entirety of Bea's arc is based on this style of delivery, and it's some of the more impactful characterization in the game.

Disco Elysium is a bit more blunt, since you just have Literal Amnesia, but it's very much the same mechanism for delivery. You back yourself into corners because of a history that neither you nor Harry know about and the misfortunes that unfold from there are narrative as much as they are gameplay.

[casual-eumetazoa]

How do you write your video essays? I'm working on one, but I can't figure out how to make it longer than 2~ minutes. I'm autistic too, but I struggle with not being as brief as humanly possible. I love your essays btw, they are really excellent, and you provide good insight. Sorry if this is a really vague question. Thank you so much! Also if you wouldn't mind @/ing me in your answer, that would be great, tumblr notifs kind of suck.

Hi @wooliebirds ,

thank you for sending this ask, this is actually a great question that made me think about my own creative process, and I’m always in favour of meta-cognition!

I will caveat this entire thing with a “that’s just from my perspective”, cause with my own stuff, my problem is always writing too much. I have this with literally everything, from academic writing to fiction to YT essays – so I’m not sure how much this will help, but maybe it will.

So… with video essays, you have to approach them like a narrative or a story. I know there is no consensus on what even counts as a video essay, but the vast majority of them are more similar to indie documentaries than they are to a lecture or an informative video. They aren’t similar to something like ASAP Science or Crash Course, they are journalistic or artistic or educational narrative works. Therefore, they tell a story. They have a “plot” for lack of a better word; there’s a natural flow to them, and they combine many different elements into a coherent whole. Usually they are a mix of facts, opinions, and narrative devices – just like any other documentary or journalistic piece. Different essays have different proportions of those elements: some are focused on the facts (like Cass Eris’s “Psychologist Responds” series), some have a mix of facts and opinions (like most Contrapoints videos), and some lean heavily on the narrative (like Abigail Thorn’s Cosmonaut essay for example).

How you adjust this mix depends on what you are trying to do. Any combination of those elements can work, as long as you have a distinction between them. As in, you don’t want to (accidentally or on purpose) blur the line between fact and opinion, or drown the facts in so much narrative that it starts to twist them. Of course humans naturally operate on biases and heuristics and some amount of this is unavoidable, but I think we still have a responsibility as creators/educators to minimize it as much as possible. This is why I have almost as many citations in my videos as in my master’s thesis (and display them on screen as well) – I know that I naturally lean quite heavily on the narrative so I try to make sure it is still grounded in reality.

I do approach the essays as narrative pieces: I start with some general main idea, then let it roll around my brain for a few days and see what it will stick to. For example with my NiTW essay, obviously I started with NiTW and its general vibe, and then it got connected to optimistic nihilism, and then to cosmic horror, and to meaning and storytelling and wham you’ve got an outline for an 8k long script. Based on that main structure, as I am writing the outline and doing my research, more and more ideas connect to it, and then I actually have to trim down the outline and figure out what I will include. Additional things also pop up while I am writing the script and sometimes even when I am editing and citing it. It really is a case of constructing a sort of an inter-connected web of ideas, concepts, facts, and narrative elements that comprise a coherent whole, rather than just picking one thing and talking about it at length.

Sometimes I don’t even completely know what I want to talk about, even after I’ve written an outline and done the research. I usually write “in flow” and quite often I have no idea what I will write until I sit down and do it. It’s always good to remember, with any writing, that first drafts always suck, and that writing a first draft is an exploration of your own thoughts and ideas more than it is an attempt to communicate them. Communication comes later at the editing stage. First drafts are just for getting stuff out of your brain and on paper/computer screen.

I don’t know whether you do any other writing, for me all types are more similar than it would seem at first glance. As in, I feel like my process in writing a science article or a fiction novel or a YT essay is broadly the same – and every kind of writing I do helps the other. I literally use the same method both for writing a scientific report and outlining a YT essay. So I would say, if you are more comfortable and/or experienced in other kinds of writing, you might be able to adapt that process for video essays as well.

And last thing is that having fun and harnessing the power of passion always helps. Being autistic, you probably have special interests, and you probably infodump about them in some form – use that! Infodumping is basically what I do with these essays. I’ve always enjoyed having long, rambly monologues about various topics, and a video essay is a perfect format for it. All I do is just check my facts very thoroughly and structure those rambly monologues so that they make an actual narrative rather than a verbal representation of the Pepe Silvia meme.

So tl;dr of this is:

1) video essays are closer to indie documentaries than to lectures – think about them as narratives built on facts and opinions that explore many different interconnected ideas rather than an explanation of one specific idea

2) first drafts always suck and exist to explore your own thoughts; use drafting, whether of an outline or an actual piece, to figure out what you want to talk about

3) if you do other kinds of writing, adapting that process might help

4) use the power of special interests / passion in general and you will always have something to write and talk about

In the best traditions of me, I’ve somehow ended up writing a thousand words on this question… hope you and maybe other people will find it helpful. And thank you again for the ask and for watching my videos, it is greatly appreciated!

[zehecatl]

rec post for @f-eef that got too long for its own good, and is now just. a general rec post i guess

(as of writing, today is the steam summer sale! writing this before that goes live, so no guarantee everything on here is on sale, but! most of these are older games, so it’s likely. keep them in mind~)

- Iconoclasts my absolute favourite game, ever (along with OFF, but shh), if you check out one game from this list, let it be this one. it’s a genuinely almost flawless package, with gorgeous pixel art, fun gameplay, a really good story, and a cast of characters i just. adore. it’s so so so good, and three years later, i’m still not over it

- The Binding of Isaac so there’s this genre called roguelikes, wherein the whole gimmick is that, when you die, you gotta start from the Very Beginning; and the ‘point’ is getting better and better at the game, until you win! it’s super easy to just, play a few runs (they generally don’t last that long!), and then go on with your day, so it’s a really fun game to just waste time in, if you just wanna chill with some game. and, in my personal opinion, Isaac is the best roguelike game, with so much stuff to unlock, a whole slew of items to play with, and so much content it’s kind of unreal. i definitely think the DLCs are worth picking up, but it’s mostly for more content than like. actually being necessary

- Terraria it’s minecraft, but 2D. unlike MC, it’s got a bit of guidance, which i personally prefer, with bosses to fight and such. an absolutely BLAST with other people too

- A Hat in Time a 3D platformer, ala Mario, that’s just. super charming. it’s also really fun to play. i haven’t actually played the DLC’s, since i played it way back, but i’ve heard good things about Nyakuza Metro, which does look super slick, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- Slime Rancher you are a slime rancher. you ranch slimes. it’s honestly just wholesome as hell, and just exudes happy vibes. mostly for running around and collecting slimes, ngl

- The Messenger really funky retro game, wherein you play a ninja on a mission. it’s primary draw is definitely in its gameplay, but there’s a surprising amount of story for this kind of genre? i honestly really just like this one. it’s neat

- Underhero you play as a cute minion, who kind of like. managed to kill the hero. and whoops, guess you’re doing his job now? it’s got that undertale vibe, though i’d say it’s less polished than it. HOWEVER, it’s absolutely lovely and it’s climax is REALLY good

- Hatoful Boyfriend bird dating sim. trust me. the ‘secret’ finale route is just. *chef’s kiss* fantastic

- Night in the Woods if you don’t mind having a very poignant sad time, oh my god, i could not recommend NITW more. it perfectly captures that period when you’re done with school, and suddenly your whole life is stretching before you, and you feel so so fucking lost, and overwhelmed and pained with it. it’s just. so good. a sadness worth experiencing 

- Shovel Knight another retro game! this one is, pretty much, the king of the genre, and for very good reasons. the first one (shovel of hope) doesn’t have much story, but the latter ones really add on it. they’re honestly just, really solid games! with funky knight characters!!!

- Hyper Light Drifter man, it’s just a masterpiece. everything about it is perfect. it’s been like, five years, and it’s still one of the very best indie games

- Tell Me Why it’s currently free for june! and it’s a story game! plus, if you like the genre, the devs got the ‘Life Is Strange’ serie(s) to delve into!

- Cat Quest honestly, i just really like this little game. the gameplay is SO much fun, and everything else is just. really charming :’)

- Yoku’s Island Express metroidvania, where you play as a dung-beetle post officer, and the gimmick is that it’s pinball-y! it’s really fun, and very cute and just an all around good time :)

- Owlboy you play as an owl boy! named Otus! and you can fly around, and there’s GORGEOUS pixel graphics, and a neat story, and just. the BEST cast of characters. it’s delightful

- Yuppie Psycho + Count Lucanor just gonna bundle these two together, because they’re both REALLY GOOD. YP is the newer one, and is therefore probably ‘the better one’, but i like them both a ton! they’re 2D horror, but i wouldn’t say they’re that spooky? though that might just be because they’re pixel games! you explore spooky place, and weird stuff happens around you. just a really fun time :)

- Angels of Death my FAVOURITE rpgmaker game, it’s main draw is, a 100%, the main characters and the relationship that develops between them. i just love it a whole lot, and it’s got that lil’ tinge of horror that i, personally, fucking adore. there’s actually an anime based on this, but i haven’t seen it myself!

- Celeste curve ball! it’s a 2D platformer! it’s really good, got a ton of accessibility features, and has like. the tightest gameplay- and, on top of that, surprisingly emotional story! 

- Bastion putting Bastion here, because it’s actually the only one i’ve properly played, but you could probably buy any of the Supergiant Games, and come out satisfied. Bastion is the oldest of the bunch, and is definitely a bit less polished for it, but i personally adore it; the gameplay probably hasn’t aged that well, but i think the story and presentation more than makes up for it

- The Darkside Detective funny point and click adventure, with great wit, and a pair of characters i kind of simply adore. it’s main draw is definitely its humour

- Littlewood very wholesome and chill farming game, that feels more like an RPG than something like stardew valley- i’d not recommend it over SV, but if you want more of SV, Littlewood might scratch that itch!

- Pony Island + The Hex absolutely adore both of these, though if i had to rec only one, it’d probably be Pony Island? they’ve both got that undertale-off vibe, though Pony Island definitely leans harder into it. very interesting plays, both of them

- Oxenfree another horror-ish game! primarily story-focused, but oh boy, what a story! i’m a BIG fan of this game, and the sequel was recently announced too! definitely worth a look if you like ghost shenanigans

- Creature in the Well wasn’t a 100% sure if i should rec this, but beside the finale boss, i really enjoyed my time with this! it’s this weird pinball inspired hack and slash, with some amazing vibes

- Kindergarten 1 + 2 they’re just fun little games okay. the 2nd is much more fleshed out, but the 1st one is really fun too

- the Henry Stickmin collection I JUST... LIKE THESE GAMES A LOT... i think you can find the old versions somewhere on the internet, if you wanna check them out first? idk, they’re fun!

- LIMBO + INSIDE personally, i like INSIDE more, but both of these are classics, and also they’re made by a danish team, and i like them a WHOLE LOT

- The Final Station i could not tell you why i like this game as much as i do, but oh my god. i love this game? it’s got a dying world, neat pixel graphics, big zombie apocalypse vibes, and a weird little story

- Year Walk i love Year Walk :)

- Smile For Me if you liked undertale’s lovely cast of characters, oh boy, you’d likely LOVE this game! it’s really, really, fantastic, and the epilogue (not in the actual game lol) hit me right in the feels

- Pikuniku just a fun little game! there’s not really much there, in the grand scheme of things, but it’s a wonderful little play, one of those games that just sets out to give you a good time, and absolutely success. i like it a lot :’)

- A Short Hike wonderful game, where it’s more about exploring the island than actively finishing the game. it’s real wonderful

- ULTRAKILL ANOTHER CURVEBALL! no idea if you like FPS, but oh my god. ULTRAKILL is so fucking good. just an absolute blast to play. there’s a demo to check out, and i’d definitely recommend it, because if it’s a genre you might like, you’ll love this one (OH also it’s in early access, which means it’s not finished yet! personally, i don’t mind that, especially considering this is more gameplay focused, but ya’ know!)

- My Friend Pedro it’s honestly just really fun to play, and sometimes i still think about the implied lore, and go all !!!!

- Little Misfortune another point and click! this one is pretty short, and is set within the same universe as their other game, Fran Bow, which is much bigger, but idk. i like this one. it’s dark cute

- This Strange Realm of Mine i honestly dunno how to explain this one, because it’s kind of weird and a bit odd, but i really like it, in all its weird poetic glory. it’s neat!

- Donut County you’re a terrible racoon who’s ruined the whole city with holes. it’s great and i love it

- OneShot another ‘gives me undertale vibes’, though this one was in development before UT, if i recall correctly! it’s so good, and it’s got some fantastic meta bits, and i love Niko. i love Niko so much

- Inmost gorgeous vaguely spooky game with a neat story... my favourite genre

- Sayonara Wild Hearts i’d call this more of a spectacle than anything else, but oh my god. what a spectacle it is! the OST is amazing, everything about it just hits right, and even if you suck at the gameplay (which i did), it really doesn’t matter, in my opinion? it’s just great all around!