#and his close relationships really only exist -thanks- to years of therapy.

[painted-bees]

every time I read about Raf's distorted perception of people I feel so sad for him and for anyone like him. I thought at least maybe there'd be medications for paranoid disorder but no??? There isn't? People actually just live feeling like everyone wants to harm them. That's such an upsetting way to live.

It's a personality disorder that's really difficult to treat effectively because it's kind of a disorder of "personal outlook" that develops as a defense against the kinds of environments that the person was raised in (alongside genetic factors)--and uses real lived experiences (not delusions) as its scaffolding. You can treat the accompanying anxiety or mood issues with medications, but not the prevailing suspicious outlook itself. Even just getting someone to believe that they have a [paranoid] personality disorder (and that you're not lying/gaslighting/manipulating them) is often a fruitless and mishandled effort. Therapy is commonly not afforded the amount of time/commitment/seriousness that it requires to be effective--and it's really...the only viable way to treat this one.

Consistently defensive behaviors preceeded by the worst-faith reading of anything you do or say is pretty hallmark for paranoid personality disorder, exactly because folks plagued by this disorder live with the understanding that people will always try to devalue, undermine, exploit, or harm them for personal gain in any situation where they feel they can get away with it.

Being constantly on guard and emotionally armed to defend yourself...isolating, exhausting, harmful to everyone involved.

Patience and understanding when met with these behaviours are two things worth exercising if you can afford them.

[thursdayinspace]

Hello “touchstone” anon here from tigers blog. I love to hear your analysis on Mulder and Scully relationship both right before and right after iwtb. You can include the revival if you want but it’s not really my cup of tea. Thank you!!

hi anon! I think their relationship around iwtb is really interesting and i have read a lot of very different takes on it. For me, it makes absolute sense for them to be where they are at that point.

Mulder has been isolated for a long time, and he isn't doing well. All his life, he's had a purpose—his search for the truth and a belief in the fact that the world was worth fighting for. All of that has been taken away. Add to that years of unprocessed trauma, and it's natural that he's fallen into a deep hole. He needs something to hold onto, but he can't have that. He's in hiding. There doesn't seem to be any kind of future for him.

Scully has gone back to work. She exists in the outside world and in her and Mulder's world, essentially living a double existence, torn between responsibilities in two universes that can never, ever touch. It takes a toll on her, as does the fact that it's hard to see the person you love suffer the way Mulder is suffering. But how could she even begin to help him? He can't go to therapy. He's in hiding. And she's too close to him. A partner can never be a therapist. The situation he's in is her situation as well. She's caught up in all the same shit, having to battle her own traumatic experiences along with facing the hopelessness and sadness at home every single day.

When he's offered the chance to help out on that case in exchange for having all charges against him dropped, of course she has to insist that he take that opportunity. He needs to get out of the house, he needs a chance at having a life and a future, a chance to be okay again. But because he's Mulder and because he's had to sit still for years, he throws himself into it head-first and completely, going straight back to the life that already destroyed them once. Could she have known that would happen? Of course. Was there any alternative? Of course *not*. It was his only chance to get to live a normal life again.

But their relationship had been strained before they were offered this chance, for all the reasons mentioned above: his isolation, her inability to help him, their trauma. They love each other. They always have and they always will. But love doesn't fix everything. Due to everything that happened to them and due to the situation they're living in, they're not able to take care even of themselves, much less of each other. You cannot carry someone else's burden for them. And especially not if you can't even carry your own. So there are cracks in their relationship. Big ones. It's hard to be happy when you see your partner going through hell without being able to help. More than that: it can lead to you withdrawing from them, because you don't want to put your own burden on their already aching shoulders, and also because you can't handle theirs for them either. That has nothing to do with how much you love someone. Our strength as people is not unlimited.

So throughout the movie, they go through a true roller coaster of emotions: she pushed him towards taking this deal so he would be able to lead a normal life again. He accepted because he knew he couldn't go on the way he was. And then she has to watch him slide back into old patterns right away, staring into the face of untold horrors, and she knows, she remembers what that did to him the last time around. She was there all those times he nearly destroyed himself for his mission. and she's tired. From everything they've been through, including the last few years where she was stretched thin between two worlds. She can't live that kind of life anymore.

But they do love each other. They have never given up easily. And they don't do it now. They're really, really close to breaking up, and I know there are a lot of takes saying that they do, at the end of the movie. I don't see that. He goes off on his own to save that missing woman, and she follows him to save him. But I think she realizes something there: she realizes that this is who he has always been and that there really isn't any middle ground. There is no room for negotiation. She can accept him like this or she can leave. And I think he realizes something similar: he realizes that she was serious when she said she can't do this anymore. So he has a choice between two options too: go back to his old life or live the quiet life with her that she wishes for. The thing is, they don't make a decision by the end of the movie. But when she leaves that morning, she leaves for work, and nothing more. That kiss by the car is not a goodbye. It's a promise to keep trying.

They're not okay after iwtb. Far from it. In terms of their relationship, they have solved very little. But they have become aware of what their problems really are. I don't think they really get to the core of it. That doesn't happen until just before the revival. But they get a little closer to the truth. Close enough for them to know that ignoring all that is wrong will only hurt them more in the long run. They are headed towards a breakup here. There are still too many things they are keeping from each other, about what they are truly feeling in the wake of everything that happened since 1993. They still try to protect each other from their own pain, and that's no way to live. But they have gained a new foothold. One that will not be strong enough to fix their relationship, but one that will allow them to break up without hating each other when they reach that breaking point.

That wording is very intentional: it *allows* them to break up. They need to spend some time apart to figure themselves out and to separate the good parts from the bad parts of their relationship. To figure out what it is that they're fighting for. The breakup is absolutely necessary for them in order to get back to a place from where they can eventually build a solid relationship. But there we're heading into the revival and this post is long enough. So. That's my take on it. iwtb is open-ended where their relationship is concerned. and I really like that. :)

[quailxcrossing]

CHARACTER DYNAMIC ASK GAME YES!!! You have so many amazing duos….

Machwell and Bartenn (I’m predictable) 5, 3 and 16!!

Magic and Ruse - 1, 6 and 8!

Ruse and Esperanza - 13, 15 and 7!

Runo and Peony - 2, 4, 9!

aaand Spiro and Tai - 2 and 11!

BWBWBWB i want to talk about dynamics so much and you selected like. all of my favorites

thank you for being one of the biggest machwell and bartenn fans ever . i will write a lot about them, just 4 you

MACHWELL AND BARTENN

5. A has to get B a gift. right now. what would they get? how long would they spend thinking about it? Machwell's POV oh god i can't even express how bad Machwell is at gifts. when the pressure is on, he truly forgets most anything that person ever liked- and his ability he feels like to fulfill this task is shot down to 0. can you imagine Francine being good with gifts? yeah. Machwell would work himself in a stupidly long tizzy, so stressed out to pick something that's not only perfect, but something that Bartenn will receive well, and he overthinks and replays fake scenarios of every possible reaction Bartenn could have-

-without actually getting him anything. and the longer this goes on, the worse he feels, the harder it is to think of anything-

gifts from Machwell will come in due time. they're heartfelt by the nature they came from him, and usually in the form of perishables. that's great! that's exactly what Bartenn wants!!!! it's hard to give gifts in Nhales anyway- and he's always so overjoyed when Machwell brings over some drinks or gummies or bbq bacon pizza, and there's always room for him to enjoy it too!! cmon sit down!!

3. what's something A thinks in their head about B that they would NEVER tell them out loud? alternately, what's something they want to say to them but haven't/can't, and why not? Bartenn's POV Bartenn definitely struggles with articulating how much Machwell really means to him; yeah they're close, but they're also middle-aged men who aren't doing Therapy-Speak at each other. its impossible for either of them to say "hey, you know you're my friend, right, and i care about you immensely and i'm sad when you're not around and you keep me on this planet"??? i dont even think he can think thoughts like that. how could he possibly say that....

16. free space: what's your favorite thing about their dynamic, as a fan or as a writer? smiles :) i just like them......I like how a character (Machwell) who originally started as literally "well he's Goat's absent father, who he would have never had any chance to meet, so he pretty much exists to make him warm-colors" and then Bartenn was a character I, like....got in a custody battle with my ex-girlfriend?? not really sure how it happened, honestly. but she gave him to me! and i was, like....not in a good headspace, so Bartenn got set aside for almost a year

and then they looked at each other....and Bartenn tried to give Machwell weed-paranoia. and ruffled his hair and told him to get his head outta his ass and chill the fuck out and come drink expired apple juice with him.

i did not mean for their relationship to be that serious. i did not mean for either character to be that serious!!!! the way these two have wormed my way into my heart is so fascinating... they literally are getting straight-man married. they keep track of each other's mental health and make sure the other one is eating and showering and sleeping. they get knocked outta their zourds and lay completely still for hours together. machwell starts to feel safe enough to go places with bartenn, and then safe enough to go places by himself. and bartenn has a companion again, someone would could never replace his late wife Lindsey, but Machwell doesn't need to- he makes Bartenn laugh, and gives Bartenn the reason to make jokes again.

i think they're a very good testament of how scarily sentient characters get to me! i really care about both of their journeys and how they found each other and are just,,,friends. just good, genuine friends, and i could roll around forever and think about how these two fucked up little men became friends and helped each other get out of their spirals just by being a buddy :]

MAGIC AND RUSE

YAY!!!! I LOVE GIRLS!!!!!

1. what were A's first impressions of B? were they mostly correct or have they changed? Magic's POV This is such a fun question to answer after just drawing their first meeting out, finally!! i've had that scene in my head for years....Magic's first impressions of Ruse were, oh geez well my head just got chopped off, but really Magic is quite used to that (her limbs are quite detachable! it doesn't hurt, she swears) and she was mostly concerned if Ruse was okay after fainting. She felt bad for startling her!! clearly, this girl was living on a hair-trigger...Magic wanted to make sure Magic herself wasn't too scary, though. She did feel a little self-conscious about causing such a fuss....

her POV has certainly changed- she knows now why Ruse was so scared, but they're definitely over that now. the story of their first meeting is a funny story Magic likes to tell while Ruse hides her face in (normal levels of) embarrassment. Magic knows Ruse is a big softie and gentle giant, who doesn't ever want to hurt anyone ever. She just wants to eat chicken wraps and go shopping and sing badly to her favorite songs as she sits pretty in Magic's passenger seat.

6. what does A think B thinks of them? or, if asked to describe their relationship, how would they do it? are they right? Ruse's POV

Ruse would hum and haw....emotions and perceptions are not her strong suit. but she'd shyly say that Magic really likes her. before their relationship is confirmed, Ruse is generally confused about Magic's feelings, but she can pick up on the fact that Magic always sticks up for her and takes her fun places and always jumps for a chance to hang out. they can spend a long time doing nothing together- their hangouts can easily span 9, 10, 11 hours, much longer than either of their social batteries. they spend their time recharging together, doing errands together....Ruse doesn't know how to explain things on the terms of internal feelings. she loves spending time with Magic, and she's pretty sure Magic does too.....right? she's right!!

8. is there anything they really disagree on? what are they most likely to argue about?

The most major thing these two disagree on is their variation in threshold, basically. they're both autistic/have a range of mental illnesses, from Magic's extreme sensory differences to Ruse's C-PTSD. And sometimes, things overlap and they clash. Ruse is very sensory-seeking, while Magic is not. Magic needs a lot of quiet time with minimal noises, and Ruse loves loud music and big crowds. Magic can handle going out for an hour or two, while Ruse wants to be at events from start to finish. sometimes they miss what the other wants, and they both get frustrated. Especially since both of them lack a lot of understanding in emotion/ conveying how they actually feel.

they're trying to find the perfect happy medium! Ruse learns to understand that Magic doesn't want to go to every loud party that she does- and Magic understands that Ruse can't stay at home parallel-playing all day. Magic likes to go to events for limited hours, and with aids like her headphones and sensory happy objects, and Ruse will happily wait for her. And if Ruse needs a day of distraction or loudness to block out the cluster of teeming slush in her brain, they'll cafe-hop or take part in outdoor activities. they do their best to make it work !

sometimes it doesn't always work out, and they are just truly incompatible in a way that neither of them will be happy. sometimes you just really wanna spend time with your bestgirlfriend, but she wants to do something that you Cannot Do- sure, they get ticked off. but they ultimately care about the happiness of the other, while preserving themselves.

and then youre gonna hit with Ruse and ESPERANZA. geezus...../posi thank you thank you thank you for bringing them up. they fuel me. they mean everything 2 me

RUSE AND ESPERANZA

13. if A needed help, how likely would they be to ask B for it? Ruse's POV ah! she would! not! Ruse is so terrible for asking for help, especially in her current situation. This Ruse we're talking about is not healing, chicken wrap eating Ruse, this is Ruse in the middle of an active coup. She firmly believes she is in this situation because she signed up for it. She does share her grievances with Esperanza, but that is different in her mind than asking for help. And even when Esperanza offers help, unrelated- she cannot take it.

15. what's A's absolute favorite (or least favorite) thing about B? Esperanza's POV

Esperanza's favorite thing about Ruse is her humor! And yes...Ruse is not TRYING to be funny, but Esperanza just loves how dry she is, how funny she is without trying...how earnest and genuine Ruse is, without needing to put on a face. Esperanza really admires that.

for what Esperanza dislikes the most, probably when Ruse's dryness turns to stubbornness, and then cost-sunk fallacy pride. She wishes she could knock Ruse outta her brain sometimes- she knows she can't.

7. are there any habits, mannerisms, practices etc. A does because of B? anything they do because they saw B doing it, or got advice from them about it, or something rubbed off on them? Esperanza's POV

Yes.....yes. quite a few. Esperanza is only just recently living in a physical body again (long story) and for a while, the only person she knew before she regained her memories was Ruse. Esperanza picked up lots of her little quirks to relearn how to exist.

One of the major ones is playing with her tail, Esperanza has never had a tail before, but she's seen how Ruse used it with her body language! So Esperanza tries her best to mirror those mannerisms. she wants to feel comfortable in her new shape and have others feel comfortable around her!

RUNO AND PEONY !!!! MY PARENTS

2. if asked to describe B to a stranger, what would A say? are they mostly truthful, or is there anything they omit? Runo's POV

I think he'd try to keep it on the lowdown best he can but he's such a wifeguy. he's weepy sobby over his wife and keeps hyping her up, did you know she's trying to publish a book she's so talented and such a good writer and so intelligent and eloquent and .....!!! i'm pretending he's not deathly shy in this situations, but honestly if Peony was brought up, he'd be gushing all about her.......man who loves a woman. augh

how does A refer to B (first name/last name/pet name/title/etc) in their head, to them directly, and to others? are they different? why? Peony's POV

This is a pretty simple answer, but to herself and to Runo, she calls him...Runo. To their kids, it's Dad. To strangers, she uses Brunowe, at Runo's request. To friends, it's whatever name they know him by (usually Runo) that's it! I mean she's got pet names but she doesn't throw those around too often, nor does she think in them!

she knows Runo is most comfy with Runo, but he's also really embarrassed to give people his nickname, hence the "this is my husband, Brunowe!" and if he ends up giving that person his nickname, that's his choice!

9. what do outsiders think their relationship is? do they consciously or unconsciously act different around others?

also kinda simple, but to others they're mostly like...aww a normal married couple. aw look, its Sunny/Indigo's parents. They just seem sweet, quiet, and in love. which they are usually anyway!

SPIRO AND TAI UAUUUGUUGUHGHHGHGHHH!!!!!!!!! CMON FISH!!!!!! I LOVE THESE GUYS........... NO ONE UNDERSTANDS /LH

2. if asked to describe B to a stranger, what would A say? are they mostly truthful, or is there anything they omit? Spiro's POV augh he's a husbandguy too. he'd be saying some real embarrassing shit he knows Tai would turn into a tomato to hear, and because it's Spiro, i can't guarantee it's PG. but yeah he's bringing up the opioid story. he's making dramatic hand motions. he's pulling out all the sickly sweet nicknames he knows Tai hates.

11. what's something A knows about B that most people don't? alternately, what's something most people believe about B that A doesn't? Tai's POV well....take everything I just said about Spiro's mannerisms above. most people see him as this really confident, semi-famous guy who is known for being very quick socially but also really weird.

what most people don't know (basically the only people being Tai, their daughter, and Star) is that Spiro is still handling a lot of things really poorly. he has bad coping mechanisms and he's scared shitless to leave his house alone, even for simple things like getting the mail. he's tethered to his house and even going in public with a safe person is too overwhelming, and Spiro tries to keep things light with a smile despite how terrified he is. ALL. THE. TIME.

everyone thinks he's completely over The Incident; this couldn't be further from the truth. i don't think there's an expiration date on trauma, but you know how Society is :(

only Tai is really deeply privy to how deep this goes, and he wouldn't share it with a soul unless Spiro was seriously in danger.

yay!

[cheeeerie]

Nya Pixal's dorme suit whatever it's called mates should be Vania and akita!! That would be fun!

Tell me about the parents I wanna know the relation ships the gang have with their parents

That WOULD be fun!!

Also I know some other places do it differently so if anyone is confused: where I come from, your roommate is the person you share a bedroom with, but if your room is connected to someone else’s by a bathroom or a common room, that’s your suitemate, so that's what I mean when I say roommate or suite mate :)

Alright, the College AU Gang and their parents in order of how good/existant they are!

Nya and Kai have been in foster care since their parents died when Kai was 6 and Nya was 5. Neither of them remember their parents, and they never became particularly close to any if their foster parents until they moved in with Wu a whole ten years later. They lived with him for two years until they both graduated high school (Nya graduated early so she could stay with Kai) and moved out for college, and they still stay with him over breaks. That's actually how they met Lloyd, he's their foster cousins :)

Zane is the other orphan, he was raised by a single dad that died during his senior year of high school. He doesn’t talk about it very often but he thinks about it a lot. Pixal is the only one who knows much about it (she knew Dr. Julien growing up, he and Borg were work friends, and Zane and Pixal went to th same private prep school and were kind of childhood frenemies), so she's the only one Zane will talk to about it. The rest of them just know that he doesn't have parents anymore.

Pixal's relationship with her father is... strained. She never had an other parent so it was just the two of them growing up, and they were super close. They still talk and see each other all the time, but since she left the nest and started expanding her world view a bit, she's become kind of critical of his business practices and what exactly Borg Industry's values are. Whereas most of their conversations used to revolve around work, now both of them carefully don't mention it so that they don't end up in a screaming match. She also doesn't love being recognized as Borg's daughter all the time, she wants to be recognizedfor her own merits.

Cole is pretty close with his dad, but that’s kind of a recent development. His dad was a classic dance-parent growing up and put way too much pressure on him, which really intensified when Lilly died when Cole was in his early teens. Cole even quit dance for a year. However thanks to the magic of family therapy, Lou is now much more supportive and he and Cole are very close :) however Cole still gets super embarassed when he sees his dad on campus. Lou tries his best to give Cole is own space, but they have dinner together at least once a week.

Lloyd's parents divorced when he was a baby but he's still close with both of them. His mom is actually a professor too, though she is MUCH better at being professional about it than Lou is with Cole. Lloyd wasn't as close with his dad growing up, since he mostly stayed with his mom or with Wu when she was out of town, but he really enjoys living with his dad and step dad now, even though he is pretty eager to move on campus to be closer with his friends.

Jay is by far the closest with his parents, they call him every day. Ed and Edna are very supportive of everything he does and they absolutely ADORE all his friends, which is why they make sure they include goodies for them in their frequent care packages. Jay doesn't bring his friends home with him often, just because they live in a trailer and there's not really any space for six extra young adults, but Ed and Edna DO come to visit him at university and will take the entire gang out to dinner. If they call Jay while he's hanging out with the other's he'll put them on speaker so they can talk to whoever he's with, which means that they are always up to date on the goings on of the group.

TY FOR THE ASK!!!

[5and3nevermind]

What do you thing happened between Yoongi and Jimin post-pandemic that they became essentially each others support system. They seem so intensely close now, and like something changed from the 2017-2020 years of almost no interactions to like they rediscovered their relationship.

Thank you for the question. I feel like this question has two parts: one regarding their bond post-pandemic and one about their interactions from 2017-2020. I want to make sure I address both.

1. Post-pandemic: I agree that they seem to be each other’s support during this time (although I think they also get support elsewhere, from family and friends). I think what we’ve seen lately is a combination of two things: the two of them as individuals being in a good place, and we (as fans) getting to see more of their dynamic. We saw with both Face and D-Day themes of overcoming struggles. Set Me Free pt 2 is a triumphant song. And we saw Yoongi walk through the door at the end of the D-Day tour. They’re both doing really well, and that translates into a freer dynamic between them and makes them each better able to support the other. I also think it feels like they are more supportive than before because we are able to see more of it, partly due to their comfort level and partly due to the nature of Ch 2.

2. While I think they were more restrained and conscious of the camera in 2017-2020, I would not say their interactions were non-existent. I could list many, many examples, but I will just choose a few: Jimin wrapping his arms around Yoongi while filming the Fake Love music video, sitting together at award shows, Yoongi saying his most memorable birthday gift was a letter from Jimin, the tattoo (I do not want to get into a debate about the meaning of the tattoo, so I will just leave it at that), Yoongi stepping in front of Jimin out of instinct when someone approached them at the airport, Jimin missing Yoongi terribly when he was away for shoulder surgery, Yoongi going out of his way to mention that Jimin not only called him as soon as he woke up from surgery but also went to physical therapy/rehab with him at least once, not to mention some little physical interactions that happened regularly during this entire period (2017-2020).

I also want to add: I feel strongly that given the circumstances, we should absolutely expect hesitancy, occasional awkwardness or shyness, secrecy, etc. So, “quiet times” are not indicative, to me, of issues between them. Instead they are simply indicative of two smart people who value their privacy. That’s why some of the recent information we’ve gotten from them is such a pleasant surprise! They seem more comfortable sharing things with us than they did in previous years.

[theunavenged]

What if Jason was having a friend with benefits. And she ends up getting pregnant. How would he react to that cause he is going to be a Dad and she is his friend...

OMG I had this pretty much answered then Tumblr ate it 😱 Damnit Tumblr! Quit treating me bad! 🤬

Anyway... I haven't gotten an ask in ages so thank you anon! 😁

This answer really depends on which Jason you're talking about: comics Jay or Arkham Knight Jay.

I'm somewhat hesitant to answer for comics Jay as I haven't done any analysis on him (or read any comics about him) in ages but I will give it my best shot!

First and foremost, comics Jason would leave all decisions regarding her pregnancy up to his lady friend. If his lady friend didn't want to keep the baby, then that's her decision 100%. Their relationship wouldn't change (and if she wanted it they'd remain friends with benefits and use better protection in the future 😆)

If his lady friend wanted to keep the baby but didn't want Jay to be a part of the kid's life, he'd be cool with it. After all, he's a gun-toting vigilante in the worst city to ever exist—not the ideal person to raise a kid (JAY AND I ARE LOOKING AT YOU BRUCE!) Of course there'd be no question of financial support. He'd overpay child support 😂

If his lady friend wanted him to be a part of the kid's life then I think he'd be nervous yet stoked about being a dad. I also think he'd leave his current lifestyle behind in order to raise the kid right. No way in hell he'd be an absentee dad—that's what Willis was and he hated how it made him feel, more so how it made his mom feel.

Also he'd tell lots of dad jokes. And have amazing dad reflexes.

Regarding his lady friend being his friend AND mother of his child? Nothing would change. They'd stay friends ��️

AK!Jason? Oh God he'd be scared shitless.

First of all, I think he'd have to be really close to his lady friend to even have a sexual relationship in the first place. This poor baby boy has major abandonment issues so I think it would be extremely hard for someone to ever get that close to him. Now it could happen, and I even headcanon it does happen, but the relationship will be very rocky. He'd be convinced that she'd leave him at any moment and constantly be second-guessing their relationship. (He can't help it—he needs lot and lots of TLC. ALL THE HUGS IN THE WORLD!)

Like comics Jay, he'd leave the pregnancy decisions up to his lady friend but he'd secretly hope she'd terminate the pregnancy. I don't think he'd want to be a dad—actually I think he'd refuse to be a dad. He'd financially support the kid but that's it. He's been traumatized by terrible father figures and he wouldn't want a kid to go through what he went through. He'd be convinced that he'd repeat all of the mistakes of Willis and Bruce, even if the opposite is true. And then there's the whole having his mind warped by over a year of torture—both physical AND mental—when he was only 15/16 (A BABY Y'ALL). He thinks he's too mentally unstable to take on such a responsibility.

If the lady friend decided to keep the baby then they'd probably drift apart 😞

Now, having said all of that about AKJ, I headcanon his s/o eventually convinces him to go to therapy after all the events of the game are said and done. With therapy, my answer would probably be different.

Thanks for asking a great question, anon! Love to hear how others would answer this 💕

[writerofblocks]

ANGST BE UPON YOU. Boss meme: IV - Troy, 8, 10, 15, 16

Bridget my beloved [meme here]

IV. What is or was your Boss's relationship with Troy like? (Thank you, Melissa)

They initially butt heads in SR1, but Bridget’s still grateful for Troy saving her ass from getting shot, so it eventually develops into friendship. Then a romantic relationship gets sparked, despite Troy knowing that once the Saints are done with taking over Stilwater he’ll have to arrest her. This causes a rift when Bridget wakes up in SR2 (along with, y’know, the whole gang leader thing), with Bridget feeling like he strung her along. And on Troy’s end, Bridget’s increased sadism and sociopathy horrifies him. But by the end of SR2 and the break between SR2 and SR3, they’re both too tired to pretend they completely hate the other. For better or for worse, they’re the only people who understand the situation they’ve trapped themselves in, and the only people they can turn to for comfort on that front. They can’t put things back together the way things were, but maybe they can make something of the rubble.

8. Do they have other sexual or romantic connections?

Depends on the universe! I like to throw Bridget into everything, to be honest.

- In some universes, Bridget gets together with Johnny Gat instead. Or possibly both him and Troy 👀

@nocciolinafelice’s Dahlia Morelle

@vicekings’s Brynden Stark

@autumnyte's Alair Cabrera

…Subway Boss Ingo from Pokemon Black/White. (Brainrot from Pokemon Legends: Arceus got me. Send help. They have kids now.)

10. How has your Boss changed throughout the games/years?

She’s mellowed out considerably since her SR1/SR2 days. Therapy helped considerably, along with actually being diagnosed with/receiving medication for ADHD. She knows it undermines her authority as the Boss, but the truth is, she’s tired. She’s made so many bad mistakes, so many choices made in anger. It’s why she’s a lot… calmer’s not the right word in SR3 and beyond, but less feral and sadistic and more thinking about the consequences.

15. Are there any small things about them in the canon that you've really run with in your headcanon?

The Boss’s love of Jane Austen ended up multiplying into new headcanons. Bridget’s favorite book is Pride and Prejudice (though she rarely admits it), and she actually has a BA in English from Stilwater U (it’s up to you whether that really counts as an education, given the college’s, uh, distinct lack of accreditation.

Also the fact that she’s a fucking lightweight. Never fails to make me laugh.

16. Is there anything from the games you've drastically avoided or downplayed in your headcanon?

Johnny’s disappearing tats, for one. Give him his tats, you cowards.

Also in my main timeline I avoid the whole World Blowing Up thing. On the one hand, avenging the earth does give the crew a driving force. On the other hand, I like my earth not blown to shit. It’s always felt like a product of the rushed writing to me, that they needed a reason why most of the old saints couldn’t help/be in the game. Plus the idea of pissing off Zinyak by ruining his shit while going “I’m still in the Simulation, I didn’t violate your ‘don’t leave or I’ll blow up the earth’ ultimatum, I’m not touching you, I’m not touching yooouuu” is hilarious to me.

Also I have ignored Volition’s collective decision to ignore Troy’s existence and he is integrated into Bridget’s canon more closely.

[martelldoran]

WHAT'S THE CAUSALITY LOOP THEORY

Why Emma, thank you so much for asking. I’m not going to waste time before jumping into this because this is gonna get long so without further ado...

Steve Rogers’ Ending and How Endgame Doesn’t Support a Causality Loop and other such rambles

Last month, I came across a TikTok that proposed that Steve’s ending made sense because it existed within a causality loop. I would link the TikTok but I didn’t save it at the time and trying to find videos on that app is impossible. You think Tumblr’s search function is bad? 🙄 But I digress. The TL;DR of the video is that due to time travel and Steve choosing to go back in time to be Peggy’s husband, it created a causality loop where he was always meant to be her husband because he went back in time and stayed there. The TikToker supported his argument by using Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (PoA), another film that uses time travel and has a clearly defined example of a causality loop. However, his argument is fundamentally flawed so I’m going to combine my knowledge of my two biggest fandoms to tell you why.

Continued under the cut because I have no chill. Beware, it's long.

To first tell you how Endgame (EG) doesn’t support a causality loop, we must establish how PoA does establish one and does it successfully. The TikToker specifically mentions the scenes that take place at Hagrid’s Hut surrounding Buckbeak the hippogriff’s execution, so we’ll look at those first. What the film does really well is establish early on that there is something weird going on well before anyone actually goes back in time. There are three things that happen in quick succession during this scene which sets up the causality loop we see later in the film. First, a rock flies through the window and breaks a jar. Second, another rock hits Harry in the back of the head. Third, once outside, Hermione hears a branch snap and thinks she sees ‘something’. There are also two additional moments later on in the film once the Harry, Ron, and Hermione have come out of the Shrieking Shack which should also be noted: a wolf howl that distracts Remus Lupin in werewolf form from attacking the group and somebody casting a full-bodied stag patronus at the edge of the lake to save Harry and Sirius from the Dementors.

Of these occurrences, the first is arguably the most important because it does the most to establish that there is something going on outside of the Trio’s current understanding of their situation. The film makes a point to frame the jar breaking as Important Information the Audience Must Remember because it shows a visibly confused Hermione reacting to it as she picks up the rock for closer inspection and we the audience are given close up of it in her hand. Not only is it framed front and centre in the shot but the rock itself is very distinctive. It’s almost wholly smooth but for a swirl of fossil, thus marking it as not just any rock but An Important Rock To Be Remembered. This was an intentional choice by director Alfonso Curon because he uses this rock to connect this moment to its mirrored scene later on once Harry and Hermione use the Time Turner.

The audience and the characters find out about the causality loop at the same time. There are clearly stated rules of time travel that say that they aren’t to meddle with time but when Harry and Hermione see that Dumbledore, the Minister for Magic, and the executioner are on their way to Hagrid’s hut they panic because their counterparts aren’t leaving. Then, we see Hermione notice something in the pumpkin patch: a distinctive rock, smooth with a swirl of fossil. Again, we see have a close up shot with the rock centred to show its importance. Stylistically, it’s very similar to the shot we saw earlier in the film which gives the audience an emotional pay off for noticing the connection. When Hermione throws the rock and breaks the jar, it sets the causality loop in motion. The jar was always going to break because they went back in time to throw the rock that breaks it.

And it’s the same with all the other instances. Hermione throws the second rock that hits Harry in the back of the head to alert him to the fact they need to get out of the hut. Hermione snaps the branch and is almost seen by her counterpart in the past. Hermione makes the wolf call to distract Lupin from attacking. Harry, and not his father as he had assumed, casts the patronus to save himself and Sirius from the Dementors. But each of these moments are set up clearly in the ‘first run through’ to set up their payoff when the characters realise, ‘Oh, I did these things. They were always meant to happen.’ From a narrative standpoint, these are planned out moments to clue the audience into the fact that there’s something bigger at play. It keeps them ‘in the loop’ as it were.

This doesn’t happen in EG.

To successfully have set up a causality loop that made sense and had the same kind of set up and pay off as we see in PoA, it would have had to have been established as early as 2014 in Captain America: The Winter Soldier (CA:TWS). This does not happen. One of the main themes of CA:TWS is moving on from the past. Peggy Carter herself even says, “I’ve lived my life, my only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.” Then saying soon after, “Sometimes the best thing we can do is to start over.” Peggy’s character in Captain America: The First Avenger is set up as someone who acts as the backup/back bone of Steve’s own moral compass. When Steve falters at Azzano about what to about the captured 107th, Peggy is there to remind him of what is right. She serves a similar narrative function in CA:TWS. Steve is struggling with life in the present. He’s just seen the helecarriers and argued with Nick Fury about protection vs fear after the botched Lumerian Star mission. Morally, he’s in turmoil and has turned to Peggy for council because he’s trying to find purpose in world where his rigid morality seems to have no place.

From the point of view of creating a causality loop, one would think that this scene in the hospital would be the place where an initial set-up could be made and alert the audience to the long term plan for Steve’s character. Instead, we have Peggy mourning the fact that Steve didn’t get to live his life the way it should have played out, and why would a woman who has supposedly been married to another version of Steve tell him to move on? In addition, when Steve visits the Smithsonian, he watches a video where he sees Peggy talking about how he influenced her life and how during one of his missions, he saved the man that would go on to become her husband. This is the only mention of Peggy’s husband in the entire franchise until Steve reappears as an old man at the end of EG.

Captain America: Civil War (CA:CW) also offers an opportunity to set up the causality loop at Peggy’s funeral but again, this does not happen. The only family we are introduced to is Sharon Carter, Peggy’s grand-niece. When it comes to filmmaking, every choice made is intentional. From the hair and makeup to the clothes, to the music used, everything in a film means something whether it is to further character development, world-building, or the plot. Filmmakers have a limited amount of time to convey a story and anything that doesn’t matter isn’t shown. Therefore, we can conclude from the text of the film that Peggy’s husband doesn’t matter to the narrative. The person in Peggy’s family who matters to the narrative is Sharon Carter which is why she is given prominence during CA:CW’s funeral scene. Had the causality loop been set up here, there would have been a defining moment like in PoA where the audience is clued into the larger story arc. Maybe someone says something, or he meets his older self, but that doesn’t happen. It should also be noted that apart from a small scene in Ant Man, Peggy isn’t mentioned again until EG.

In Endgame itself, the film still fails to set up a causality loop. It could be argued that this is the most important film for the set-up because this is when the audience gets the payoff. The first thing we see after the 5-yer time jump is Steve in a group therapy session for those that survived Thanos’ snap. Survivors share their stories and Steve talks about Peggy, a woman who has been dead in canon for 7-years and who died of old age. It’s incongruous and sticks out because narratively it doesn’t make sense for him to talk about her and not someone he watched disintegrate in front of his eyes. Steve watches his best friend and hundreds of others turn to ash around him and that film ends on his horrified face as he sits by his best friend’s ashes. Narratively, this is the thread that should carry through to EG but instead, he talks about missing his chance with Peggy. However, unlike PoA, there is no indication whether through dialogue or framing that clues the audience into Steve’s eventual ending at the end of the film.

Even when he goes back to the 70s, we see him looking mournfully at Peggy through the blinds in her office and a picture of him, pre-serum, on her desk. Steve and Peggy’s relationship prior to Endgame is supposed to represent the bittersweet loss of the life he could have had had he not sacrificed himself to the cause in CA:TFA. Then, since the audience knows from Steve and Peggy’s conversation in the hospital in CA:TWS that she moved on from Steve to live a happy life, we can assume that this picture is meant as nothing more than a fond memento of someone that meant a lot to her. Once more, there is no indication that Steve is ever meant to be her husband.

It’s impossible to infer a causality loop here in the same way as we saw in PoA. In PoA, there is a payoff for every single unusual or weird moment the story presents the audience before and after the use of time travel but this is something that’s completely absent from Endgame’s narrative. Steve himself doesn’t even vocalise a desire to go back in time at any point in EG nor at any point during the other films he appears in. In fact, when questioned by Tony Stark about the possibility of ‘going home’ in Avengers: Age of Ulton, he says, “The guy who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. I think someone else came out.” While it is indicative of his unhappiness in the modern-day, it does indicate a level of acceptance of the fact that this is his life and he has to make his peace with it. He’s taken what Peggy said in CA:TWS on board. He’s starting over and moving on.

With time travel, and Steve choosing to stay in the past came the fan theory that one of the pallbearers carrying Peggy’s casket in CA:CW is Old Man Steve, her husband. When presented with this fan theory, writer Christopher Markus said during an interview with the LA Times at SDCC 2019,

“I would very much like that. There is no set explanation for Cap’s time travel . . .I mean, we’ve had public disagreements with [directors Anthony and Joe Russo] about what it [time travel] necessarily means, but I love the idea of there being two Steve Rogers in the timeline. One who lived a long life with Peggy and is in the background of that funeral scene watching his young self carry his wife’s coffin up. Not just for the time travel mumbo jumbo of it, but for the just weird, personal pain and satisfaction that would be happening between two Steve Rogers there. I kind of love it.” [emphasis mine]

This shows that unlike in PoA there was no intention of creating a causality loop prior to Markus writing EG with his writing partner Stephen McFeely. In fact, it makes clear that the actual rules of time travel were in contention and that even those making the film didn’t have a unified idea of what they wanted to create in the first place. The fact that there is confusion surrounding EG's time travel is due to the fact that the people behind it, didn't seem to know what they were writing or consider the consequences of it.

What all of this shows is that an argument of a PoA style causality loop doesn’t hold water. The film doesn’t support it, nor do any of the previous films, because there aren’t any indicators for the audience to latch onto. There is no moment of the rock breaking the jar, or the patronus chasing away the dementors, no moment where that the audience is told to hold into this information for later because there’s some timey wimey stuff going on. Ultimately, when examined, there is no set-up for a causality loop that supports the theory he was always supposed to go back and be Peggy’s husband, particularly when examined against a film that successfully lays it out from the start.

Right, the more academic (lol) part of this post is done. I just want to address one more TikTok that bothered me because I have opinions and MCU Captain America is my Mastermind specialist subject.

The TL;DR of this one was that Steve’s ending made sense because he got out of the fight and was at peace and that that has been the ultimate goal of his character arc. This person argued that Steve used the Avengers to distract himself from the fact that he’s this man out of time and he can’t find peace without a fight which to some extent, I agree with. I don’t deny that that is a major driving force to his story. We see that in Age of Ultron with his WandaNightmare. I don’t deny that that is key to his character. However, this creator then made a comment at the end of this video to the tune of, ‘bUt BuCkY iS hIs StOrY aRc’ and tried to play it off like this wasn’t true or that people were wrong to think that this is the case.

These two things aren’t mutually exclusive. They’re both true. They’re intertwined. But you cannot say that Bucky Barnes isn’t at the heart of Steve Rogers’ story. Bucky was the catalyst for every single one of Steve’s movies. He becomes CA because of Bucky. He goes against SHIELD because of Bucky. He defies 107 countries and the Sokovia Accords because of Bucky. You take Bucky out of the equation and what do you have? What happens in those films if you take Bucky Barnes out of the equation? Viewing it objectively, and even without shipper goggles on, you simply cannot sit there and claim that Bucky Barnes isn't a defining component to Steve’s story. Steve Rogers is motivated by Bucky Barnes. Steve Rogers is motivated by the depth of their relationship and the fact that Bucky Barnes is one of the few things connecting his new present to his old life.

You can definitely see the fact that Steve is uncomfortable in the modern world. He doesn’t address any of his trauma but he still attempts to move on. However, if they wanted him getting out of the fight and finding life as a civilian to be the natural end to his story arc then there was a way to do it which didn’t require him going back to Peggy. It would have been a better and more satisfying ending if he’d actively chosen to retire because I often see the argument that him going back to Peggy is him finally allowing him to be selfish after shouldering so much over the past decade or more. If Steve chose to retire and put himself first, then that sends a better message. He’s still getting the chance to ‘be selfish’ but he’s not throwing the life he’s built away. At this point in EG, he’s spent a huge portion of his adult life in the modern-day. This isn’t the future for him anymore, it’s the present and he’s lived a life and made real connections with people. The MCU does a piss poor job of showing the interpersonal relationships between the Avengers but he is at least shown to be friends with Sam, Nat, and Bucky.

But he goes back to a delusion. Or an idea of something that was never his in the first place.

When I see people make these videos and share their opinions, I can see their points but it’s like they’re taking EG on its own when that's impossible. Endgame only ‘works’ if you have the context of 10 years’ worth of films. You have to at least be somewhat familiar with the characters, who they are and what they’ve done up until now to be able to make sense of it.

However, in saying that, they wrote and filmed the movie in a way to make you think you didn’t have to take into account anything you’ve seen in the past ten years. If you only watch Endgame, you only see a grieving man mourning the love he never had. You see a man, regretful that he didn’t get to be with woman he loved. So at the end, of course it would make sense that he goes back to her. But you can only do that if you completely divorce Endgame from its ten-year canon and in a franchise like this where they make a big deal about everything being interconnected, it simply doesn’t work. Steve’s story arc in Endgame is incongruous to the narrative arc we’ve been presented in previous films.

Ultimately, Endgame is a movie you’re supposed to watch once and then not think about again. It’s made for that first viewing when everything is shocking and exciting because if you stop to think about it even a little bit, it falls apart under scrutiny.

Finally, I think that the downfall of a lot of these ‘Steve’s ending makes sense’ posts is that made by people who are most certainly MCU fans but not Steve Rogers fans and it shows.

[will-o-the-witch]

Hi, I hope you don't mind but I thought I'd come to you to ask a couple questions. It might be long. Also, brief conversion therapy mention tw.

I've been having some personal issues with my spirituality lately and I can't seem to get my head around something. For context, I've been raised pretty much predominantly by my Jewish grandmother but I'm technically not considered "officially Jewish" (no official Conversion, mother doesn't consider herself Jewish) and I don't call myself Jewish, obviously out of respect. I've been a Demonolatrist for many years and consider myself a witch, and I've been interested in Jewish Demonolatry, folklore, spirit work etc. on and off. I've just always been hesitant about it because I'm not sure if I'm overstepping any boundaries here considering Judaism is a closed religion and I'm not sure if I can go through the process of becoming Jewish to follow this path. (I don't think it's possible, but it's doing my head in. Would it be offensive/wrong?).

I believe in God 100%, but I don't necessarily worship Him either. I've a very odd relationship with God because I was a victim of gay conversion therapy at our local temple during my childhood and it's kinda dulled my views on Him. It's a kind of "I love you, but you hurt me really bad" relationship. Regardless, I still pray. I would feel comfortable following Jewish culture, customs, holidays, and I've thought it through a lot, but I just can't bring myself to fully worship God and only God. It'd be more like "yeah, God exists and we're cool these days but we have an iffy history".

I'm just curious. How can I approach Jewish witchcraft from the perspective of not wanting God to be at the centre of my practice? Or, more specifically, is it possible? Because Judaism is supposed to be monotheistic...

Ooh, this ended up being way longer than I thought it would. Thank you very much in advance if you decide to take time out of your day to answer this, and I genuinely hope I don't offend. I would love to hear what you have to share on this. It's been on my mind for a fair while now.

This is a really really interesting question! Thank you for asking it.

To start, your relationship with Gd to me feels like a distinctly Jewish one, so I wouldn't worry too much about that aspect. It's very normal if not expected to wrestle with Gd and want to fight Them in the yard sometimes. Obviously anything shared willingly with you by your family/community is fair game, but if you don't consider yourself Jewish you may still need to convert to get into the Deep Stuff. That said, there are totally Rabbis out there who would be willing to work with you. (When I told my Rabbi I considered myself a polytheist, he just replied, "Actually there's a decent argument for that if you look at X, Y, Z...") At the end of the day, your relationship with the Divine is your own, and it's okay to wrestle with the texts, disagree with some of them, and cobble together what feels the most Right for you. What helped me personally wrestle with the monotheism was pouring over religious texts and realizing Jews often define and relate to Gd in a way that is actually quite different from how we envision Pagan deities. HaShem is much more synonymous with how we describe the Universe or the All, and by definition there is only one All. Pagan deities can still exist within that framework. What works for me may be different than what works for you! As for witchcraft, it is 100% okay to not have your craft, even the Jewish elements, center around HaShem. Even many devout religious people are secular witches! It's all about where you believe your "power" is coming from and whatever you bring into your work.

All that said, if you do choose to become a Jew I would hope it is for more than just being able to access closed mysticism! You're already connected to the culture so you've likely already taken on some of that Peoplehood and generational trauma, but you also become a target of antisemitism rather than an observer which can be difficult.

[yjwhatif]

With the semi/cryptic confirmation of Ed and Barts relationship in the series I have a question:

Do you think everyone knows about them (in world) or do you think they’re keeping it secret from some?

It’s just a thought that’s been in my head recently. It is most likely fuelled by the whole drama of G&B not being able to depict a “specific character” (it’s definitely Bart) as gay. They’ve had to hide the relationship from their audience - because of ridiculous reasons - but there are still moments that bring up the question - Are they? Before the reveals from AskGreg, I kinda thought- well they are clearly not together yet, but perhaps they both have feelings for one another and are just waiting for the other to make the next move because they’re nervous idiots who don’t want to have read the situation wrong — all while their friends are like - seriously guys? just get together already. Kinda like they did in s1 with Wally and Artemis - and I guess early Supermartian as well - which I would have been okay with... though with the likelihood of there being at least another two year time skip you’d probably have missed the getting together moment - which would kinda suck. Anyway. With the information about the chances being they were supposed to clearly be in a relationship throughout S3 — which makes the whole structuring of ILLUSIONS just make sense — it’s got me viewing their moments with a whole new energy. Also, I saw this post by Greg —

And let me just clarify, I have no idea if this is actually referencing the Ed and Bart stuff, it might not be (probably isn't). This is purely me speculating.

My reading of this is they got told they couldn’t depict Bart as gay pretty late on and that specifically affected ILLUSIONS where they likely intended to confirm the relationship with that first shot - the kiss on the cheek moment. Even now that moment is just odd - because it’s there but it’s not - because technically there is no actual kiss… which I think is absolutely the point. It plants the seed without actually breaking any rules - all by keeping the momentum but removing the specific kiss frame. It’s the only moment that I feel is explicit in saying they are in a relationship - everything else you can just read into and imply there’s something - but they technically don’t confirm anything.

The whole thing is actually quite interesting - despite the reasoning for it being totally ridiculous. By keeping/showing what they did... People notice it. People talk about it. People reflect on it. More people talk about it. People writing. Make. Create. Discuss it. An entire audience is formed who want and support it. It’s a whole thing now because people noticed it and generated a positive response to it - and that was before all the AskGreg information. The whole reason YJ got a season 3 is because the fans fought to get it back. Enough people talked about it - and kept talking about it - to convince TPTB that the show should come back. Greg and Brandon know this. They know the power the fans have and maybe they hoped that power would help them again in freeing Bart from these ridiculous restrictions. #letbartoutofthecloset

Obviously, we can't know until S4 is released whether G&B got the permission to confirm Bart's sexuality the way they envisioned - but maybe the responses that came during the release of 3b were enough to convince TPTB that they were fighting a losing battle. But who knows, people in power can be very stubborn at times, so we will just have to see what we get. Fingers crossed they eased up though - and not just because of the Ed/Bart relationship (which I am obviously a fan of -- it's fine if not everyone is) - but because these restrictions on LGBTQ+ content shouldn't be a thing and need to stop -- there is just no validity in them.

Anyhow. despite their not being allowed to officially confirm the relationship, Greg's comment about Ed's having a boyfriend they can't name basically confirms the fact without technically breaking any rules again. Masterfully done Wiesman. With this, it implies the pair are in fact dating during S3 which brings us back to the original question... but who knows??

With the comments of Virgil during ILLUSIONS, it's easy to assume their friends do in fact know. They also seem to have no problem being close and interacting with one another whilst in the presence of others -- that is, except for one moment...

Ever since the first time I saw this episode (ELDER WISDOM) I have always found this moment strange - because Ed seems to get kinda awkward when Barry comes to check on Bart. (Or that's how I see it at least.) He realises Flash is standing there and immediately pulls his head down averting his gaze -- almost like he doesn't want to be seen by the elder. But why? Does Barry not know about the pair -- or maybe he doesn't know about Bart and Ed thinks their current closeness is too revealing -- who's to say Bart's even fully out to the world yet -- who's to say either of them are? We certainly don't since we weren't allowed to be shown. We can't know until we know - so until then we can play the speculation game while we wait.

Bart is certainly a bit of a secret keeper when it comes to being himself. I'm still convinced the Bart we see onscreen is merely his interpretation of what he thinks people expect from a speedster in this time. We saw 'real' Bart, he was snarky and cynical and nothing like the Bart we've had for the past two seasons. He said it himself - he's playing a character - and I don't think he knows how to break out of it - not while the possibility exists that it might hurt those he's grown to care about. Bart wants to be seen a certain way to avoid acknowledging the truth of the past - if people see him as happy and smiley, then no one will question him on things he doesn't want to talk about. The problem with that is you can't hide yourself forever - cracks begin to form and eventually, the truth comes out whether you want it to or not. So who knows how comfortable Bart is revealing any of his true self to those he cares about. Maybe his relationship with Ed will be the thing that finally helps him find comfort in being himself, whilst also trusting others to still accept him as himself... and maybe getting him that bit of therapy he really needs.

This brings us to Eduardo… First, can I just say it made me so happy to see Greg’s confirmation of Ed being gay - though it is slightly annoying that he was robbed of his explicit onscreen reveal in S3 thanks to the drama with Bart. His whole relationship to his powers in S2 to S3 fits the representation of coming to terms with your sexuality/identity from a very negative point of view. Feeling like it’s something that needs fixing or needs to be “cured” - to then finding the light and freedom in accepting yourself for you. His growth between seasons is brilliant. He understands the hate and insecurity the teens are feeling because he felt it himself. He does all he can to help them because he never felt he got that help when he needed it - and no one deserves to feel worse for being who they are. Obviously, the things he talks about are framed in the context of dealing with/accepting the meta-gene - yet there are certain moments where it seems he’s saying more than that…

All of which got me wondering - why did Ed originally runaway? It certainly wasn’t because of the meta-abilities he did not yet have. All he’s ever said on the subject was he thought he wanted to be with his father - the man it seems he barely had a relationship with. No, I think Ed has been running from himself for a long time and his dad just happened to be an actual direction for him to aim for. The way he speaks about his wanting to be “cured” and “praying to get rid of his powers” suggests an upbringing around religion and traditional ideas of there being a ‘normal/proper’ way to be — while anything that doesn’t fit that way is treated as other or something that needs to be changed or 'fixed'. Maybe he ran to avoid being found out and run the risk of being ostracised by those he loved. Or maybe he was found out and leaving wasn’t entirely his choice*. If this was the case, I can certainly imagine him not wanting to come out to his dad for fear of his reaction and completely losing all chance of that father-son relationship they’re both trying so hard to keep. It can seem easier to live in secret than risk the reality of loss. So while the meta-gene likely wasn’t the main thing he was angry about in S2, it was able to become a physical thing he could blame and focus his anger on - without having to think about where his issues truly lied… Though with a bit of time it also became the thing he was comfortable conveying his feelings through...

“I’ve learned to accept, even love my meta-abilities”

I love this line so much and it’s all because of the delivery by Freddy Rodrigues. There is the slightest hint of a pause before he says “meta-abilities”, which gives the impression he was about to say something else before then remembering himself and who he was talking to. Then there’s the small inflecion he put on “love”, which makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s heard himself say the words out loud. I don’t hear him talking about the gene - I hear him talking about finally accepting himself - all of himself - for the first time in maybe ever and finally feeling happy because of it. I hear growth... From being the angry 14-year-old skater who just wanted to run away and escape any way he could. To the 16-year-old councillor/Outsider jumping straight into the danger to protect and inspire those who need it. Both he and Bart are such strong characters with so much more to be seen - especially when it comes to the insecurities which lie behind their masks. They both compliment each other pretty perfectly - both powers-wise and personality-wise - meaning while they try to hide themself from others, I don't think it'll take long for them to realise they can't hide from each other.

Anywho, that’s all the speculatary nonsense I’ve got for today. This turned into such a patchwork of vaguely linkable thoughts I’ve had which barely relate to the one I started with - but that is usually how it goes. Take it as you will…

Also, completely unrelated to YJ, but Bi Tim Drake now exists in dc canon which is really cool - seeing all of the joy it’s sparked has really given me something to smile about this week… There is hope after all. 🌈

— LB ⚡️☀️

* OK so here’s a little random snapshot into the chaos of my mind— as I was writing the Ed stuff I had a scene pop into my head of Ed finally -for whatever reason- having to tell his dad that he didn’t leave his abuelo’s home - he got kicked out. His dads confused about this and asks Why? What did you do? And Ed’s like Nothing… I didn’t do anything wrong… he just… found out something. So Seniors like Found out what Eduardo? And Ed’s getting really nervous now because he doesn’t want to say it - That I, um… I’m… Senior step a fraction closer as he picks up on Ed’s anxiety but remains an appropriate distance - Son? Then after a tensening silence he finally says it - sounding the most vulnerable he has ever been - I’m gay… The silence is there again, heavy and unnerving, neither saying a word. Ed can’t move as he’s lock in his elders unreadable glare. Expecting the worse his head drops to take in the floor - anything that isn’t the disappointment ahead - he feels the urge to disappear burning up inside him - consuming him. Then just as he’s about to escape he’s suddenly grounded by a steadying hand rooting itself on his shoulder. Tentatively he lifts his gaze to witness his father, there, with nothing but love and support in his eyes - Mijo. The clamping in his chest dissipates as all the tension escapes at once, along with the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Ed embraces his dad and the elder embraces his son. Together. A family.

Anyway. That’s probably a load of rubbish but hey my minds full of it… but basically I really want to see a tender moment between Ed and his dad. For whatever reason. Something where Ed’s in a vulnerable state and in need of some emotional support from his father - and without hesitation his father steps up - because that’s what we haven’t seen from them yet. It would perfectly portray the strength of their relationship as father and son - despite their previous struggles - and prove that Senior is willing to support his son no matter the situation as the father - not just the scientist. Its the final step in their healing journey and I wanna see it so bad!!

[kestrel-of-herran]

Hi! I’ve read all your 2521 character analyses and they give the lit major in me so much joy, especially your post on the death of the author!

I was just wondering, if Baekdo had broken up and then run into each other at Seungwan’s dad’s funeral and gotten back together, would you still find that terribly out of character?

I honestly think it’s so odd that they stay out of each other’s lives completely and I’m convinced the writer keeps it that way because there’s no way they could stay broken up if they ran into each other even years down the line.

I wish I could pretend the canon ending doesn’t exist but I can’t. 😭 So I just tell myself they get back together after the events of the series to preserve my mental health. In the same way that I have convinced myself that Ben Solo is not really dead and Rey is going to find him because they are a FORCE DYAD. I swear JJ Abrams and the 2521 director would get along famously and I don’t mean that in a good way. 😤

hi! thank you so much for reading my posts, i'm so glad they bring you joy!!!

no, i wouldn't find that out of character within the context of the show. it was on the bottom of my wishlist of the finale, but as soon as i understood that the writer was going to be idiotic about them, i hoped to see them get back together later, and i endured the funeral scene up until it became obvious that we weren't even going to get this basic courtesy from the showmakers.

and yes, i absolutely agree with you -- the only reason the writer doesn't permit them to maintain any contact in her twisted-up version of events is because as soon as they have one calm conversation, they'll sort out their issue and realize they have the same goal. it's unrealistic for them to not run into each other on the bus or at a bar or in their neighbourhood shortly after the already out-of-character fight, especially since so many people around them support their relationship. there's no way heedo's mom doesn't confront yijin about the break-up at their workplace, or that seungwan, jiwoong, and yurim don't devise some elaborate plan to get them back together that involves setting them up on a drinking date and not letting them leave until they talk it out. can you imagine what a menace heartbroken baekdo would be for any friend gathering? the squad would split up, they'll talk to each of them individually, and as soon as they figure out the issue is miscommunication, they'll make it their mission to make them talk it out. it's what any friend group would do when their friends are suffering and pining away for each other.

i think fiction is only true when we believe in it, so whichever version of events you believe in will exist for you.

i personally think the story wrapped up all its plot points at the beginning of ep.15, when yijin transferred to another media department to safeguard his relationship with heedo. heedo's arc as a fencer finished in ep.7 to ep.9, with the episodes until 13 focusing on her romantic arc, while yijin's arc finished with his realization that love is the most precious thing in life in ep.15, just like his mom advised him to. from then on, i see them continuing to advance in their respective fields while cheering each other on from up close, having a beach wedding in pohang, and spending their lives together happily (as i've written about here).

whether yijin gets sent to new york or not is of no importance to his character arc, which was complete before this, but if he does it's only for a month or two like journalists did during the real-life 9/11, and he communicates with heedo during this time like he always does, while she supports him while encouraging him to take care of his mental health. because he's able to receive support from her and from therapy like she advises him to, he's able to preserve his hope and returns with a better understanding of the importance of balancing between his work and personal life. because of his journalistic integrity and his excellent reporting, he soon advances in his job and gains bigger control of his projects and his schedule, which he coordinates with heedo's. he picks heedo up from training in the evenings, they drive to picturesque towns on the weekends and try all the street food, and when summer comes they stretch out in their lounge chairs on the pohang beach and challenge each other to read each other's books while their two daughters splash around in the surf.

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

batkids and their relationships with their siblings headcanons. under read more because this got fucking LONGGG

dick

dick is the eldest so he doesnt want to bog down his younger siblings with his problems, but if he DOES, he tends to talk to jason about it

dick and cass start to really begin to bond when Cass shows up to dicks gymnastics class for 3rd-6th graders and then cass shows up all the sixth graders and they get frozen yogurt after lmao

dick and tim are Very much thick as thieves. tim is very much like bruce on the Emotional Suppression scale, so dick just really wants to make sure his little brother is safe and happy ALL the time

Duke and Damian are the only two really permanently at the manor anymore, so when dick drops by he tries to do something with both of them. duke frantically zoom calls dick every other week to help him with his his trig homework. dick shows up to dukes high school graduation with literally the BIGGEST SIGN

everyone insists damian is dicks favorite but he does actually genuinely love all his siblings equally, his relationship with damian is just Very different from the others because of the age gap and being dami's primary caretaker for a year. dick babies dami every chance he gets

jason

would sell Dick to satan for One corn chip

him and cass don't have the greatest start to their relationship because cass is very much Against Killing so it takes a while for jason to warm up to her and earn her trust. now, though, jason is competing with steph by showing cass all the classic American Teenager things she missed out on. steph is currently winning but jason is like 98% positive a crunch wrap from taco bell is going to push him over the edge

tim and jason are currently competing over who can solve the most cases in a month. tim is winning. that won't last long.

jason Loves to Big Brother duke its so embarrassing. duke will get out of school and go to his car and jason is SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT FRANTICALLY WAVING TO GET DUKES ATTENTION. JASON THAT IS MY CAR. signal has one (1) mission with arsenal and arsenal goes hey did you ask that girl to homecoming yet and duke is like I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

Damian is proof that Actually, Little Brothers are Pests. Jason fully believes that he was brought back from the dead PURELY to torment damian and he will fulfill this mission at any cost

cassandra

it actually really upset her when Dick didn't accept her at first. she knows her other siblings really adore dick so his lack of trust was really disheartening. it takes dick a while but once he Actually Accepts that cass is going to be a permanent part of their life and oh, wow, dick you really hurt her feelings he really hyperfocuses on bonding with cass for a couple of months which definitely improves their relationship

she really likes jason!! their relationship doesn't start well but because he's close with steph and tim who are cass's top two favorite people to exist ever, cass is like well i GUESS ill hang out with him more. jason is fun to talk to because he always tries his best to explain jokes and give context to what people are talking about (also tim took her to taco bell already but she didn't tell jason she just wanted to hang out)

cass LOVES tim. they just click okay. tim always seems to know when to give her space and when to push and come closer. Tim's "guest room" is just her room lets be real. tim and cass occasionally get mistaken for twins and Cass Loves it.

duke makes cass listen to metal once and cass loses. her. damn. mind. they bond over music a lot because they both Love Music to a degree the others in their family don't.

damian!! damian is her little brother!!! dami isn't As Hostile to cass at first because he is 100% aware cass has the edge in fighting and respects her. cass likes all of his instagram posts and they have a snapchat streak going

tim

tim Loves dick, dick was his first sibling!! he had Very strong hero worship when he first met dick but it mellowed out when tim got older because wow 17 is really not that cool and mature lol. tim has an open invitation to dick's apartment which he does occasionally take advantage of. tim has more than once scared the shit out of wally when wally comes over and wally is convinced they're being robbed (HA) for half a second. i mean. he's not wrong.

listen. tim understands that forgiving the guy who tried to kill you would be a Struggle for some people and it was! definitely! but also at least he can trust jason to, uh, be open about if he doesn't like tim. which is not an assurance he has with other people. so if the guy who tried to kill him tells him tim is cool now then like. maybe tim isn't that bad or annoying a person? also jason arrested a whole gang and won the cases competition but then it created a power vacuum that the whole batfam had to clean up the rest of the month. thanks, jason.

tim LOVES cass. you know how most of the time theres this empty feeling inside you and you just kind of ignore it because you don't know what will fix it or if you do, you know you can't fix it? cass makes that empty feeling feel a little less empty. they just click. tim always tries to travel with cass whenever she leaves gotham.

tim and duke. Tim is actually the sibling who duke goes to whenever he has questions he doesn't want to ask bruce or alfred about, like, life or vigilante-ing or school or college or whatever and Tim is always like yes!! i love Giving Advice and Solving Problems!! tim and duke and jason fill out their college applications together.

tim and damian. LMAO. ROUGH START THAT'S ALL ILL SAY. at some point alfred goes like fuck it. family therapy. and tim and dami are PISSED. tim and damian get along best when they have a common enemy to work against. their relationship gets much better when damian is older and they actually talk about their feelings like emotionally stunted bats. despite how bad their relationship was, tim will ALWAYS protect damian

duke

very much intimidated by dick at first. dick is so much older and has his own job and friends and life and is very much AN ADULT. dick likes to take duke out to do lots of cool stuff (paintball, lasertag, tech exhibitions, concerts, etc). also, dick PERSONALLY introduced duke to superman and is dating THE FLASH. 10/10 awesome big brother.

was intimidated by jason for 0.5 seconds before jason actually opened his mouth and started speaking. jason is literally. So Embarrassing. which is weird because nobody else really seems to feel that way about jason but duke knows he's 100% in the right here. like yeah jason is also An Adult and does Adult Stuff but he's also at the manor like every other weekend???? and he always complains about bruce but always seems to be in the same room bruce is in????? like okay jason. they bond over literature!! jason and duke and alfred will spend literal hours talking about books and duke loves it. duke is the only one who doesn't think jason is funny and jason gets so upset about it lmao.

cass has this one week where she gets really into photography and by virtue of being nearby (and also not nocturnal), duke becomes her victim subject. duke prints out all the pictures and hangs them up in his room (his favorite is one he took when he stole the camera and took a really bad selfie of them together).

tim is closest in age to duke so duke tends to hang around with him a lot. tim introduced duke to his young justice friends and duke is like yes!!! meta-friends!!!! tim really helps duke out with his powers because tim is always like wow i wonder if your powers would work if we did This? can you see farther than other people? is your visible spectrum of light different than other humans? Bruce does the same thing but bruce is boring about it lol.

damian and duke live in the same house and will be in the same room and just send each other social media posts back and forth. they follow each other on instagram and will, OCCASIONALLY, make tik toks together because they're tik tok fiends. each of his siblings have visited his parents once or twice but damian routinely comes with him.

damian

damian gets a special bullet point to say that it took him. forever to come around to the idea of having siblings. he very much believed that he was Bruce's Blood Son and everyone else were just tagalongs or allies. it took him ages to acknowledge that dick, jason, tim, and cass were his siblings, so when duke came and like a week later damian was like Ah, Yes, this is my brother Thomas everyone else was like dude wtf

listen. LISTEN. Obviously. Richard is very highly skilled. and also Father values him highly. and also Richard will listen to Damian complain about his schoolmates. and also Richard is much more patient with Damian than other members of his family. listen....,,, (all this to say damian kind of fucking adores dick lmaooooo this kid).

Todd is kind of unbearable but damian has been informed this is both a normal feeling when it comes to Todd and also big brothers. damian was an only child for ten years so yes, Father, if Todd attempts to tickle me I WILL break his fucking nose. yes i WILL put money in the swear jar but I want you to know i don't regret it. they always try to sneak up on each other but mostly fail.

DRAKE!!! but no lol once damian grows up and is like I Apologize for attempting to murder you it was wrong and you are just as much a son to Father as I am tim is like UGH i guess its cool since ur being so emotionally mature and all. also im 2 for 5 on siblings trying to murder me so im definitely going to win trauma bingo and damian is like i take it back you are insufferable. When Will My Older Siblings Stop Joking About Their Trauma.

CASS!!! listen. cass is cool. Cass Gets It. They have a special Bond. also damian really likes it whenever cass is home because 1) he gets to hang out and do something cool with cass and 2) he feels significantly safer with cass in the house because Nobody will be able to hurt any of their family if Cass is there. ALSO he tries to call her cain but everyone is like DONT DO THAT and he doesn't want to call her wayne bcus theyre ALL wayne (dick adds it on as a middle name but also Richard John Wayne West-Grayson is just. the lamest name ever so dick needs to reconsider it before his upcoming nuptials)((dick will not reconsider it except maybe whether grayson-west would work better)) and so he tries cassandra but cass is like :) call me cass and damian is like cassandra is more formal and respectful and cass is like :) and finally damian just has to give in.

Duke! him and duke actually live together so they get the Most Bonding Time and have a bunch of inside jokes as a result. (is it bad i wanted to laugh because inside jokes... joker... i'll see myself out). they're eating breakfast together (and also alfred sits with them IM NOT A MONSTER ALFIE'S LIKE 70 NOW OKAY) and duke laughs and bruce is like what are you laughing at, son? and duke is like oh damian just showed me this funny meme and then he shows the phone to bruce and bruce grabs it (both the boys groan) and after WAY TOO LONG is like "i don't get it" and so now duke and damian have to try and explain the comedic intricacy of bob's burgers

[mistressemmedi]

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

Greetings from Miley Cyrus - phenomenal numbers.

The streams of Zitti e Buoni are growing by the second, and ahead of Muse, on the top of the English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. We almost tripled followers after Rotterdam (from 1.4 to 3.3 million, ed). Contagious and universal madness: T-shirts and merchandise sold out in 10 minutes. Like records, tickets for a tour that adds dates and expands on maps. They are even looking for us in festivals where the Rolling Stones have played. - Thomas

After the whole cocaine scandal that was started against us from France, which was later denied by my drug test, in Spain there people have been making murals with my face saying "No drugs". Some tweets made us laugh: «Congratulations, Italy! I have never been so sure that four people have fucked each other ". Miley Cyrus started following us. "You are great". “You are more” . - Damiano

From rags to riches - what a story

It was only 2016, and we were playing in restaurants, on the streets, in via del Corso (famous street in Rome). Damiano without a microphone, Thomas's guitar with broken strings, Ethan drummed on a cajón. At the occupations of the high schools in Rome (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first gigs and half an hour of fame, between those who criticized us and those who said "these guys are so cool". One of the rare times in which they offered to pay us to play - 50 euros each - we offered that money to those after us, in exchange for the chance to play during their time slow, as we knew there would have been a bigger crowd. We already understood then how it worked. That visibility was worth more than the money. We still think so ». - Victoria

The intimacy of rock - Choice of a genre

Music allows is this miracle which allows one to talk about very personal and private topics, even difficult and delicate ones. They are and remain deeply yours, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage which is like a delivery, they also find their place in you, their elaboration. They are overcome, they are accepted. One moment it feels aggressive, one moment later a (soft) ballad. It's very cathartic. - Damiano

Against panic - The stage as therapy

I have suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it is a problem that I have worked on thanks to a course of psychotherapy, to my friends and family. Playing has helped me not to let myself be paralyzed by my fears, not to be limited in my private and professional life. I have learned to accept, to live with this side of me. I don't hide it. I no longer feel ashamed. - Victoria

This belief that only crazy people go to the psychologist is widespread ignorance. Nobody is born learned. And it is often difficult to understand why we are here, let alone the derivation and direction of our desires. It is a long and legitimate journey towards one's clarity. - Damiano

Essere fuori di testa – Ma diversi da loro (Be out of your mind - But different from them)

Already feeling a strong passion for something that is not a 'regular' profession but an artistic language, it puts you on a level where you're an anomaly, and while you're neither superior nor inferior to others, it places you in the condition of what breaks the mold but you're also being at a loss, leaving it to you to be bold and to take risks, hoping that they will pay off and land you somewhere. "What good is it if you don't stand out on your own?". You want to give it an aesthetic to your artistic dream, but to others it boils down to " You dress differently! You must be gay! ”, I'm 22 now and it makes me laugh, but at 17 it had an effect on me too. - Damiano

The beauty of being unique - Of believing in that and defending it

After all, we are all different not because we want to be alternative but because really no one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty. - Ethan

Fluid sexuality - Pride is freedom

We appreciate heels on men, we kiss each other, we have an open, extended mind, and we are proud of it. The horizons become vast, beyond the oppression of conservative families. With information on the web, knowledge is enriched and with it the possibility that minorities will be fewer and fewer, because majorities will be fewer and fewer. This will lower the volume to insults and bullying. If social networks can reach a village of 50 souls to reveal to someone, who is afraid of the darkness, that someone has felt that same fear.. There is no longer the need to give it a name, to define that "something" to fear, to brand it with labels that only limit you. Definitions have always had this effect on me. Gender should not even be considered in a person's judgment. Let alone orientation ". - Victoria

Sexism - A culture to be dismantled

Emma (Italian singer) dropped the bomb:" When I went to Eurovision, they insulted me over a pair of shorts. Damiano - half naked and in heels - was never criticized ". The judgment against women is constant, ferocious, and demeaning (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool but Vic a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader she is domineering and pain in the ass, who is successful because only because of her looks [and not the hard work she puts in]). As a male I am privileged, the harassment I suffer is not comparable to that experienced by a woman, the comments on my aesthetics are focused only on my aesthetics and do not insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thinking in a systemic way. But I did find myself in a situation, out of nowhere, with someone who, pulling close to her for a selfie, started licking my face ... "What do you want, did you ask me?" Consent exists, and it is a must ». - Damiano

To grow as a person - The only rule to follow

For me, to conform is the total opposite of educating oneself, and the asphyxiation of one's expression (of freedom). Fortunately, I did not suffer heavy bullying, to the point where I felt I needed to change to adapt to how others saw me. But the matrix of who I am and the aggression that marks me is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and loves dolls, then allow me the freedom to do so. I used to be a kid who wanted long hair and played with Barbies. My friends, as a teenager, looked my long hair and teased me: "You have to find yourself a girl with a short hair to make up for it". My grandparents took the dolls away from me and said: “Stop it, they're not for you” ». - Ethan

“I was six and I already could not tolerate the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things typically defined as feminine as a child, and they made fun of me for skating, for playing soccer, for not wearing skirts, for giving myself the chance to be as I wanted to be. I suffered a little, as I was bullied, but I had courage to stay true to myself, and today thanks to that courage I know that I could have been much more hurt, or I would have risked leaving the most important decision to others: the one about being just me". - Victoria

Love - music and girlfriends

I've been married to music for the past 20 years. I cannot wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary. - Ethan

Everyone goes through their own experiences, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's never other people's business." - Thomas

When, for the first time, I developed feelings and attraction for a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage to go beyond the limitations I had imposed on myself. For society, being heterosexual is the norm and therefore often one automatically pegs himself in that way, giving up the freedom to experience many different shades and facets of love. Once I got over the initial insecurity of having to question one's own certainties, I lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone. - Victoria

I had paparazzi under my house morning and night. So, after four years of relationship, I finally revealed her name. I still have the paparazzi under my house morning and night, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore. - Damiano

The value of the group - Protecting each other

But the real relationship, the real family, is between us. Our band. We believed in it from the first day, even before calling ourselves Måneskin (moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon, on the poster for our first concert. We share everything, even the pain of the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because he was a victim of racism. Being a group is what we should all do together: stay united and not retreat in the slightest in the face of abuses generated by a distorted vision of someone "being different|. - Thomas

Non ho l’età – like Gigliola (It references Gigliola Cinquetti who won both Sanremo and Eurovision with her song "Non ho l’età" which translates to Not old enough)

Before us, the only one to win Sanremo and Eurovision together was Gigliola Cinquetti (in 1964). Is there is something for which I feel I am not yet old enough for? No, honestly no. Maybe for kids. I'll be honest, I'm not enough to be a dad. - Damiano

Reached the sky - What fears still remain

We are more than in the dream, we have conquered the dream. To fly high this high, there is the risk is to fall and get hurt, but we will try not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - somewhat presumptuously - reassures us rather than frighten us ". - Damiano

(ORIGINAL INTERVIEW IN ITALIAN)

[Please note that I have changed some words or structure sentence, trying to make it so that the interview made more sense lol - I skipped the first two paragraphs, which was basically the interviewer gushing over how pretty the band is lmao (relatable).

Any mistakes in the translation are sorely mine, nothing was proofread, so apologies in advance]

[tenthgrove]

Soft Yandere Tizano and squalo

Yandere La Unita

Content Warnings: yandere behaviour, manipulation, abduction, forced dependency, violence, unhealthy relationships, the general existence of Dolcio Cioccolata.

Squalo and Tiziano

It isn't common for Squalo and Tiziano to interact with civilians. Or anyone really, since the pair are largely content with each other's company and nothing more. The sole exception to this is the necessary interactions that result from their frequent shopping trips, from which you, the cashier of their favourite boutique, came into play.

The pair observed you innocuously for many months, slowly learning practically everything that could be known about you simply from overheard conversations with colleagues. You dare say you liked them, even, as they were friendlier than your average customer and a familiar face to look forward too.

One day, Squalo sits Tiziano down and admits his attraction to you. It was meant to be an honourable confession, an honest admittance of wrongdoing to ensure no harm comes to the relationship. To Squalo's shock, Tiziano chuckles and announces he feels the same way. It's time the couple started to pursue you actively.

The defining feature of how Squalo and Tiziano obtain you is that it's calculated and smart. Squalo's happy to just walk up to you and ask for you to be together (or barring that, just abduct you), but it is Tiziano who convinces him otherwise. Not only would conventional methods of wooing you be unlikely to work, but they have practical concerns to worry about as well, being high-ranking members of the mafia. They're going to have to plan something a little more nuanced.

During a visit to your store, Squalo slips a little bit of paper into your pocket. You open it at home that evening to find your own address, along with several belonging to your closest friends and family listed out, above a message instructing you to come to a location of their choice the next day or they'll start paying these people visits. It's an outdoor restaurant in the middle of the city, where there's bound to be a lot of people. They don't want to scare you too much after all.

You arrive at the restaurant the next day on weak knees. Squalo and Tiziano thank you for coming, before introducing themselves in no uncertain terms as mafiosos who have taken an interest in you, and would like to start dating. You read between the lines that you don't have an option to say no.

However, the pair make clear the incentives to accept their offer are just as profound as the threats against refusing it. Are you in education? They're happy to support you in continuing it. Do you work? They have more than enough money to support you in reducing your hours or, if it's something you genuinely enjoy, bribing the right people to advance your career. Ultimately, Squalo and Tiziano know the carrot is just as important as the stick.

Thought you aren't forced to go home with them there and then, it soon becomes clear you're expected to sort your affairs quickly and move in within the next couple of months. From that point on, the couple will treat you as though you've been together for years, expecting you to address them as your partners as well.

Both Squalo and Tiziano are very touchy in their own ways, and while they would never force themselves on you, are more than happy to trail their hands up and down your arms early on. They are also both incredibly teasing, and will pick up on all your reactions.

The good news is that the level of freedom afforded to you is high from the get-go. Even from the beginning, you're allowed to maintain control of your finances and go out by yourself provided you tell them. Just be warned they'll occasionally check in on you by surprise to make sure you're actually where you said you would go. The one thing they do quite heavily police is social visits. The possibility of you revealing to someone they forced you to be with them is very acute, not that you would get very far if you did try to run away. It's not that you can't have friends, you just need to be very honest about who you're meeting and why.

Cioccolata and Secco

If Dolcio Cioccolata has taken an interest in you and his intentions aren't torture or murder, it can only mean one thing- you are someone very dear to him, and have been so for a long time. Chances are, you probably trust him a lot back. Cioccolata's gotten very good at acting normal around his respectable friends, after all.

The two main possibilities are that you know him as a family friend and became close through parties, or you're a chronically ill patient who found yourself in his care, and were lucky enough to avoid his scalpel long enough for a genuine mutual bond to form. It could be both. You could have fallen ill after knowing him for a long time. He could have made you ill.

As for Secco, Cioccolata will only pursue you as a lover with his consent. Cioccolata would never want his darling pet to feel neglected, after all, and for that reason it's only when Secco confesses a fondness for you that Cioccolata decides its time to make you his own. Secco is immediately very excited at the thought of you joining them, and for a while Cioccolata's main concern is actually stopping him from giving their plans away.

As much as Cioccolata would love to pluck you from your home, he knows that would only get him caught. The police are already after a serial killer with surgical knowledge, and taking you like that would just make him a suspect. So he does something more covert, he invites you over. You enjoy a lovely night gorging snacks and watching TV with your two friends, until Cioccolata invites you to the basement. As you go down, he snatches your phone and sends out the first of many messages designed to trick your family into thinking you've run away.

Waiting for you there in the basement, to your horror, is a functional operating theatre, complete with spatter after spatter of blood. You'll probably try to run, but the door is already locked. But don't worry, your blood won't be joining that on the table tonight. As Cioccolata explains to you as you cower in the corner, he treasures your bond very much, the tender feeling of what they call 'romance' that fills his heart whenever you look at him, the obscure sense of care for another human being. He won't be subjecting you to his operations.

That is, until your inevitable first attempt at escape. Although he'll still stop short of outright torturing you (providing a generous dose of general anaesthetic and subsequent painkillers) his 'alterations' to your limbs will lead you unable to walk or carry out fine motor skills. You'll be entirely dependent on his and Secco's care. As he assures you frequently, the changes are entirely reversible and you can have all your old mobility back with another operation and a little physical therapy, but for Cioccolata to give that to you, you're going to have to earn it.

Cioccolata keeps his promise to reverse the damage he did to you, but by the time that happens a lot has changed. He hasn't conditioned you to become like Secco as that would involve removing everything that first endeared him to you, but you're still going to have to become a lot more warmed up to him to trust you with your limbs back. At least you'll be treated like royalty in the meantime, even if you are still a prisoner. Cioccolata will remind you every day you're his darling pet, just like Secco.

Doppio

Doppio was never allowed to have lovers when the Boss was around. He found it a little hypocritical since the boss once told him he had a girlfriend, but he guessed he understood his reasoning and, either way, he would never question his boss. The boss is gone now, and Doppio has nobody to guide him anymore. He's alone and doesn't know what to do; even the old hideouts the new boss never found feel cold and empty, and Doppio can't bring himself to enter them. Then he met you.

You weren't quite sure what you were looking at, seeing a fine-dressed, disoriented boy stumbling around in the rain outside your window. Nonetheless, you knew he was in no state to be alone so you went out and approached him. When it was clear he had nobody to call, you invited him in.

As you leave him alone in the sitting room to make coffee, Doppio's mind is going in cartwheels. You've been so kind to him, and deep down in his heart something tells him the two of you were meant for each other. This could be his new start! Someone to rely on, to depend upon to give him purpose! But wait- if he leaves tonight he might never see you again! As he panics, Doppio decides he can't let that happen. He needs to have you tonight.

The second you return to the sitting room, Doppio pounces on you. As he frantically assures you that everything's going to be okay, you pass out from shock. You wake up in a strange house, tied to an extravagant bed. Your screams bring Doppio to your room. He quickly reassures you he isn't going to hurt you and is doing this so you can be together.

Doppio has some (i.e, a few million quid) money he was able to salvage from before the boss' fall, and he's going to use it however possible to please you. He will buy you anything and everything you desire short of freedom, making his own guesses about what you'd like if you refuse to talk.

His initial plan is to keep you locked up in that room (or at very least the wider house) forever, since it's safest for you and his old boss never went out much, but eventually he relents at your distress. He'll let you out eventually, if that's what it takes to make you smile.

On that note, the best thing about being Doppio's darling is how easy it is to turn the tables on him. Once you've behaved yourself for a while, having learned what keeps Doppio satisfied, it's very easy to become the dominant one in the relationship and make him let you do whatever you want. His sole desire is to serve you, after all.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph! Would you happen to have any fic recs that involve John meeting the Holmes family? I always think that's such an interesting dynamic to see! Also, I think this goes without saying but I love your blog and appreciate your contributions to the fandom! Thanks!

Hey Nonny!

Ah, thank you! I’m glad you enjoy my blog!

Oooo! Yes, I love that dynamic too!! ANNNNND!!! You’re giving me the chance to make a part 2 for a REALLY OLD LIST!!! So YAY!!! I found a bunch on a text doc I haven’t posted yet, so HERE WE GO! Hope you enjoy, and as always, everyone please add your own!

PARENTS AND FAMILIES Pt. 2

See also: 

Parents & Family

Meeting the Family With a Fake Relationship

Do You Love Me? by whitchry9 (K, 641 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Family, Epic Bromance) – John asks Sherlock perhaps the most important question.

Once Upon A Time by ProfessorSquirrell (T, 908 w., 1 Ch. || Family, Snippets of Life, Romance, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Implied Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending) – There is a room in Sherlock's mind palace where nothing gets deleted. And it looks like this...

Crisis Averted by Spartangal22 (T, 2,188 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fic, Missing Scene After Confronting Mary, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Family / Friendship, Hospitalization, Sherlock POV, Holmes Brothers) – Lying in the hospital, Sherlock receives some surprising visitors, and manages to deal with two problems he's been having lately. A missing scene from HLV about a formal introduction that was never made and a visit that was never shown.

The Only Available Transportation by blueink3 (T, 5,379 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Sherlock, Caring John, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Birthday, Family, Misunderstandings) – It’s possibly the desperation that’s seeped into his voice despite his best intentions, or perhaps it’s just a mother’s intuition, but she knows that whatever he’s calling about is Serious, hangover be damned. “What’s happened?” she asks, tone soft and as comforting as a hot cup of tea on a cold winter’s night. “Mummy,” he begins, voice catching. “I think John may be moving out.”

On the Steadfast Approach of an Oncoming Darkness by 2bee (T, 7,772 w., 1 Ch. || Apocalypse, Minor Character Death, Sort of Parentlock) – The world is ending. Not fast, but slowly, like falling asleep with a fever.

The Name Game by ItsClydeBitches221B (K, 8,958 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Family, Platonics / Friendship, Sort-of Parentlock, John/Mary, Mary is Nice, Five and Ones, Baby Watson, Mycroft Loves Baby Watson) – The names that baby girl Watson comes up with for her extended family. Or: how everyone—Watsons, Holmes, and others alike— just learned to give up and embrace their weirdness.

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch. || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Dropping the Act by jadztone (T, 27,258 w., 10 Ch. || Parentlock, Fake Relationship, Mary’s Family, Post-S4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bed Sharing, Pining, Christmas) – Sherlock and John are quite happy living together with Rosie in Baker St. They might be even happier if they didn’t act towards each other like their love is only platonic. Mycroft brings troubling news in the form of Mary’s parents wanting to know just what their grandchild’s home life is like. The boys decide to spend Christmas pretending like they are in love in order to seem more like a "normal" family. It's easy enough to pretend when all you're doing is dropping the act.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w., 4 Ch. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased. At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. "You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie's class and you won't have to share a room with a stranger?" "Exactly." Sherlock beamed at him. "Don't worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us."

Where The Ghosts Have Voices by HappyJuicyfruit (M, 37,691 w., 12 Ch. || Supernatural AU || Ghosts, Magical Realism, Light Horror, Fluff and Smut, John Can See Ghosts, John Whump, Emotional Manipulation, Dark Magic, Coma, Injury Recovery, Blow Jobs, Anal, Happy Ending, John’s Past, Mr Holmes, Powerful John, Holmes Brothers, Sherlock’s Past, Past Viclock, Drug Abuse, Hair Pulling) – John has lived his whole life as an outcast. It is only when he meets Sherlock, that be realizes being a freak might not be such a bad thing, and that the curse he has lived with his whole life may be a gift after all. (TO READ)

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w., 36 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Alternate Future AU || Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex, Case Fic, Emotional Love Making, Bath Time Fun) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It's 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn't need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton  (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Non-Sequential [Ch. 29]

Pairing: Pre-Serum Steve Rogers/Steve Rogers x Reader

One night, Steve Rogers met a beautiful dame named Y/N. He hadn’t intended on letting her get away. But fate had other ideas. Y/N appeared and disappeared in his life so hauntingly that Steve started to wonder if she was an angel meant to watch over him.

Word Count: 2,500

Chapter 28

The next 5 years simultaneously felt like they were moving too fast and too slowly.

Steve wondered if there would be limited visits from Y/N or if this was the rest of his life: just holding onto the past and praying that the next time she would stay for good.

But he knew that would never happen.

She would always leave.

Steve felt like he had returned to his teenage years when Y/N had first started visiting him. But watching her go now hurt a 100 times worse than back then. During that time, he hadn’t acknowledged that he loved her. He didn’t know what it was like to fully have her. 

What he would give to regain that naivety. He didn’t know how much longer he could handle such torture.

When Y/N did visit the present, Steve tried to seize it as much as he could. He tried to act normal, wait for Y/N to ask the questions so he could figure out what she knew and what she didn’t. By some miracle, she always knew about the snap.

Steve felt lucky, he wouldn’t know how to handle her naivety to how she would die. Nat always told him he was a terrible liar. He could only assume lying to the woman he loved would be even worse.

Steve was sitting at his window, staring out at Brooklyn. There was a steaming cup of coffee in his hand and he was waiting for it to cool down. The sun had just rose past the horizon. Most of the city was still sleeping. He started to enjoy watching it slowly wake up. It was one of the very few joys he found these days.

“Steve?” Her voice whispered from behind him.

He jumped at the sound, shooting to his feet and turning around.

In the process, he spilled some of the coffee on his hand and bare feet.

He hissed at the burn.

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry!” Y/N rushed forward.

Steve was both so surprised to see her and feel the boiling liquid on his skin that he didn’t realize Y/N was still completely naked.

“I’m fine. It’s OK.” He tried to tell her, only looking into her eyes.

One time Sam asked about the binding nudity that came with Y/N’s time traveling. He asked about it in a way that wasn’t really a question, but like he clearly wanted Steve to comment on it.

“Just so we’re clear, you’re asking what I think about my girlfriend being forced to be naked when she’s also forced to time travel at any given moment to a place she doesn’t know? Did I get that right?” He’d said it with the classic Steve Rogers sass.

But Sam got the point and never brought it up again.

Y/N’s nudity wasn’t something sexualized by Steve. He’d grown used to it. He assumed most people saw their naked wives and girlfriends, and only linked it to sex. But all it did for Steve was remind him of Y/N’s vulnerability.

Her skin was unprotected from the elements. That’s why she had almost frozen to death during the first time she ever traveled.

Her skin attracted unwanted attention. Steve would never forget when Y/N appeared at his military camp, standing innocently in front of an army that hadn’t felt a woman’s touch or seen a female body in months. He didn’t like to think what could’ve happened if Bucky hadn’t been there to look out for her.

Her skin reminded Steve that even though she didn’t don a uniform, there was still something about her that forced her to be different from the world – just like him.

Now her skin told Steve that she was much younger. 

There was no scar from getting shot during the Battle at the Triskelion, a scar on her abdomen from the medical team at the compound digging out a bullet. Then there were the scars that should’ve been scattered across her skin from when she was tortured by Hydra. Thanks to Wakandan medicine, they were almost invisible. But Steve was familiar enough with Y/N’s body that he could still just barely point them out. Those were nowhere to be seen either.

Which meant that the Y/N standing in front of Steve was from a much younger time.

“Did we…did we break up?” Y/N’s lip trembled as her eyes filled with tears.

Steve stepped forward. “What? Why would you think that?”

Her eyes looked around the room. “None of my stuff is here. It doesn’t even look like I live here.”

But it was true. There was hardly any personality to his Brooklyn apartment. Anyone that knew Y/N would expect her apartment to be filled with warmth, and the perfect lighting, and everything that made a home intimate and charming.

“Steve, did we break up?” Y/N’s voice shook as she repeated the question.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and Steve couldn’t handle it anymore.

He closed the distance between them and pulled her into his body.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he muttered. “It’s OK. We didn’t break up.”

At least he didn’t technically have to lie about that.

She pulled away from being tucked into his body to look at his face. “What is this place?” It was still obvious she didn’t exist in this space.

“We just bought it,” Steve was quick on his feet. “It came furnished and we haven’t moved all of our stuff in yet.”

Y/N seemed to believe him. “Where am I?”

“You’re away on a freelance job.”

She nodded, processing the new information.

“Would you like some clothes?” He asked her gently.

Y/N laughed lightly, apparently having forgotten that she was fully naked. 

She sniffled, trying to clear her nose and nodded.

A few minutes later, Y/N was in Steve’s sweats, sitting at his kitchen island with her own coffee cupped between her palms.

“I’m sorry – again – that I scared you into spilling coffee on yourself,” she winced.

Steve chuckled. “Y/N, believe it or not, I’ve suffered much worse injuries than hot coffee burns.”

“Right,” she smiled. “You’ve just casually been shot a few times and survived a plan crash.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Amongst other things.”

“Amongst other things,” Y/N agreed and repeated back.

A peaceful silence settled between them.

Y/N’s eyes narrowed. “You know, I don’t believe you.”

“About the hot coffee?”

“About us not being broken up,” Y/N confirmed.

Steve just tightened his jaw. He didn’t know how much more he could lie to her.

Y/N slowly stood up and closed the distance between them. When she was in his space, she carefully reached up to brush his cheek with her thumb.

“Your eyes… they’re so sad. And they get even sadder every time you look at me.”

“We’re on a break,” Steve quickly told her. He hoped a half lie would save him.

Y/N nodded. And he knew that she believed that one.

She opened her mouth to ask more.

“Please, don’t ask me to say more about it,” Steve begged.

Y/N just nodded.

But then she stepped even closer to him. “Do you miss me?” She whispered as her gaze flickered down to his lips.

Steve’s chest hurt from the question alone. Present and future Y/N had never prepared him for having interactions like this.

He just nodded his head, knowing that if he tried to say actual words then he’d just let out some pathetic whimper.

Y/N leaned even closer. Her gaze flickered to his, silently asking him if he wanted her to stop.

But Steve didn’t have that sort of self control.

So Y/N kissed him.

And he felt her surprise when he responded with a hunger she didn’t expect.

Without hesitation, he pulled her closer. But it still wasn’t enough. Then his hands slid down the outside of her thighs and then gripped the back of them. He scooped her up and pulled her hips to his waist, holding her there until she realized she needed to wrap her legs around him. But it still wasn’t enough.

He pulled away from the kiss. “Do you want me to stop?” His words struggled while he also tried to catch his breath.

Y/N gave him a shy smile and shook her head before giving him a sweet and precise peck on the lips.

“No, I don’t.” Then she laughed, “But maybe we could move this to the bedroom.”

Even if she wasn’t his in this time period, Y/N still knew what Steve needed. And she was more than willing to give it to him. 

——————————

Steve always got this guilty feeling after sleeping with a version of Y/N that wasn’t her present self. No matter how many times Y/N told him it wasn’t, Steve could always convince a part of his mind to believe he had cheated.

Y/N had fallen asleep so quickly. It didn’t matter that she was out of her time. She always felt safe with Steve.

Meanwhile, Steve wouldn’t allow himself a second of sleep. He wasn’t going to waste a moment with Y/N by not being awake. How could he?

Instead he held her naked body against his chest. He switched back and forth between tracing the line of her spine to thumbing circles on her shoulder.

The more time he spent without Y/N in his present, the harder it was to watch her other selves leave him.

He glanced at the clock on his nightstand and sighed. He had to go to his group therapy in a few hours.

If Y/N was still here by then, he’d skip it. Lie and tell them he was sick. 

Those sessions made him feel like a mockery anyway. At least once a week, he sat in a circle and told people they needed to move on with their lives. Meanwhile, he was still in a relationship with his dead girlfriend. She was a ghost that haunted him. He lectured other people how to live their lives in a post-snap world when he couldn’t go a minute without hoping a future or past Y/N would visit him soon.

Steve was taken out of his thoughts when Y/N stirred next to him.

She wasn’t waking up; she was leaving. 

He saw her body start to fade.

There was nothing he hated seeing more than watching Y/N travel.

Was she going back to her own present? Was she going somewhere else? Would she be safe? Would this be one of her trips where she got hurt or almost killed?

And then, just like that, Y/N was gone. And Steve was alone once again.

Steve hoped his sheets would smell like her for longer than they did last time.

He should probably shower before he went to group, but he didn’t want to lose the feeling of her on his skin. He just wanted it to linger, if that was even possible.

That’s when he decided he needed more than a talk with a group of strangers. He needed a friend – a real friend – who knew what he was actually going through.

——————-

Steve hated going to the compound since the snap.

It was like going to a haunted house.

He never knew what memories would be resurrected when he visited.

Sometimes it was just the way the sun lit the room for a second or he’d catch a certain smell, then he was suddenly thrust into a memory linked to Y/N.

Steve found Nat in tears. 

It was subtle, but it still broke his heart to see her upset. She was the strongest of them all. If she couldn’t hold it together, that’s when the rest of them truly knew how bad things really were.

“Ya know, I’d offer to cook you dinner, but you seem pretty miserable already.”

“You here to do your laundry?” She teased, trying to hide that she’d lost her composure for even a second.

“And to see a friend,” he added.

“Clearly your friend is fine.”

“What if your friend is the one that’s not?” He offered.

Her forced smirk faltered. “She show up today?”

Steve sighed and nodded. “She thought we broke up. It took one look around my apartment to know she didn’t live there.”

“You’re a terrible liar, so I could only imagine how that went.”

“Well, I eventually got her to believe we were just on a break, instead of telling her that she was…”

“Dead?” Nat offered.

Steve’s jaw just tightened at the word. He moved to sit across from her.

“It’s the first time she didn’t know about it. And now I’m wondering if I prefer the version of her that doesn’t know what's going to happen to her.”

Nat just hummed, understanding what he meant.

Steve’s eyes glazed over as he thought about it. “How was she able to just live every day knowing what was going to happen?”

“She had to learn to accept what she couldn’t control awhile ago, Steve. She didn’t have any other choice.”

“Why couldn’t she tell me?” He thought aloud, frustration clear in his voice.

“Because she knew you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You would’ve made yourself crazy trying to stop what you couldn’t. Nothing else would’ve mattered...including her.” Nat sighed. “Maybe she just wanted to embrace what little time she had with you. She can ignore the ticking of a time bomb, but not you.”

Steve knew Nat was right.

Suddenly, there was a ping and a hologram appeared in front of Nat.

She pressed a few buttons in the air and a video played out.

Next thing they knew, Scott Lang was fumbling his words at the front gate’s security camera.

Steve slowly stood up. Scott Lang was meant to be dead. “Is this an old message?”

“It’s the front gate,” Nat told him.

An hour later, Scott had stopped his pacing and explained his time travel theory.

Steve looked at Nat and immediately knew that she didn’t find Scott as crazy as he did.

But Nat had been searching for hope these past 5 years, while Steve refused to let it into his life.

“Tomorrow we’ll go see Tony,” Steve confirmed. “For now, you should get some rest, Scott.” Then he looked at Nat. “We all should.”

That was code for, ‘Don’t get excited.’

She clearly got the underlying message, but refused to ignore the hope.

—————————

Steve walked into his old room at the compound. He was only ever there when he visited Nat, which wasn’t often at all. He only kept some things there because he saw the hurt in Nat’s eyes when he had once suggested he completely clean it out.

When he turned on the light, he immediately noticed an envelope on the nightstand.

It was a letter addressed to him at the compound.

But Steve’s heart raced when he recognized the writing as Y/N’s.

“FRIDAY, where did this letter come from?” He asked the AI.

“It arrived in the mail today, Captain Rogers.”

He ripped it open instantly, his hands shaking in the process.

But there were only three words for him to read:

Listen to Scott.

Steve felt his heart beat faster.

And for the first time in 5 years, he felt hope.

-------------------------

Ya’ll, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.