#and he saw them in the worst possible way

[hxrsheykisses]

Hello! I love your x readers for the eltingville club! I was curious if you could do one where the found out the new girl at there school (reader) streams video games online? Thank you!

AWW THIS IS SO CUTEEEEE!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SMMM!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Let’s be honest here. They probably already know who you are—let’s be real. How wouldn’t they know that infamous streamer who involves herself in gaming and also plays some of their interests in these streams?

This may seem like a low to them because it’s always been a “No girls allowed” standard for them but they kinda let it down a little bit. Who knew that a girl would get into video games anyway?

They would probably binge watch all of you streams—they found you pretty entertaining! You setup, your attitude…your appearance—it was all very memorizing. So they had zero problem pointing you out in school! Specifically, Pete.

At first they were shocked that the new girl who recently came to their school was also the girl that they doubtlessly watched her streams!Your attire was different from how they saw you on camera. You dressed so casually and you werent as bubbly as you acted in the streams—you had a life outside of streaming.

When they confronted you in the worst way possible, (dragging you away into a private area in the school) and asked you millions of questions…

“How long have you been streaming?”

“How come you haven’t played ___?”

“Where do you get all of your action figures?”

“What’s your bra size?”

They were NERVE WRACKING! Just pestering you about every question that popped up in their minds. Can you blame them though?

So from that day one… the boys wouldn’t leave you alone. They kept asking when you were gonna start up a stream, play their suggested games, etc… They might as well be your biggest fans cause they were crazy over you.

However, I wouldn’t technically say that they consider you as a “friend”…maybe a little but not all the way to that point. They only like you because you stream and entertain yourself with the games that they like and shit. Plus, you’re quite the looker! Yes, yes—it’s sad, but maybe you can take advantage of this a little bit! You practically have them wrapped around your finger soooo…feel free to ask them anything!

Want a new computer? They’ll steal from their parents just so that they can see some better quality of your streams.

Want a new mic? Pete will help with that! He ur voice is hot.

Don’t have enough money for the video game? They gotcha!

pretty weird dynamic you and the guys have…but oh well! It’s basically a win win anyway!

[viradahlen]

Some scattered thoughts about Wesker's character and STARS

Your worst sin is that you've destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing" - Fyodor Dostoevsky.

Wesker grew up in an environment controlled by Umbrella. I like to think of it as an institute or orphanage. He must have felt lonely. He must have been alone.

This fact is not trivial because loneliness is thematic and yet ambivalent when it comes to Wesker's character. His relationship with other people and humanity as a whole is complex but fundamental to understanding his motivations. We know for a fact that he is not averse to being alone and even enjoys walking through the Arklay forest. He also talks a lot to himself. But is his relation to aloneness one-dimensional?

To understand the character, we must not forget that he was human, and so alterity interplay necessarily shaped his identity, even if he himself went so far as to cast away his humanity, deemed a weakness. This credo does not pertain only to Wesker. Alex Wesker, Dr. Marcus, Spencer, William Birkin, Sergei Vladimir... Umbrella's executives and higher-ups regard humanity as a dead end to be overcome with the help of science.

But unlike them, Wesker managed a small family team for almost 3 years. And unlike them, even after his rebirth, Wesker never really works alone.

I like to imagine how much inner conflict and cognitive dissonance the STARS era must have triggered. Can you really select people that you find highly capable, train with them, earn their respect and trust, and not care at all ?

Is it truly possible that he was but a cold monster, conditioned by Umbrella to destroy the world and embody the future of humanity ? An efficient tool that was taught how to identify valuable people and exploit their abilities ? Is Wesker just repeating with others what Spencer did with him ?

It’s an interpretation of the character. I find it a little too plain for my tastes. Wesker is a man of contradictions. He values freedom, is brilliant, and yet he is never able to think outside Umbrella's conceptual box. He values efficiency and yet seems unable to get rid of Chris and Jill. He obviously wants to be in control and seems wary and distrustful, which is probably a result of Umbrella's smothering grasp on him since childhood, and yet he trusts Ada, Krauser, Excella and other people to carry out his plans, increasing the risk of betrayal. Wesker is multifaceted, and so is his relationship with humanity.

Wesker's education is undoubtedly orchestrated by Umbrella/Spencer. Conceived and planned by Lord Spencer and his colleague Dr Wesker, Albert’s education was designed to make him an active defender of utilitarian philosophy, though devoid of its moral aspect. 

I believe the STARS, its inability to let go of the past, particularly Chris, reveals something else.

Even if "little piggies" sounds provocative and unflattering, and even if he evokes "a family reunion" in an ironic way, there is still something along the lines of possessiveness that manifests itself. When it comes to Chris, Wesker is the most ambivalent, helping him during the events of RE1, lamenting why he "cannot understand" his vision in RE5 and expressing his pride at every encounter.

The point is, Wesker almost never made a choice that wasn't designed by Umbrella in his life. Even his suicide and following rebirth, that he saw as a way out to escape Umbrella's shadow (he symbolically steps on his glasses branded with "property of Umbrella"), was overseen by Spencer. But he chose the STARS members.

And yet, when he was given full latitude to build up a team from scratch, he selected talented people, sure, though displaying an unconventional profile and a sense of honor and justice. Chris was kicked out of the USAF, Jill's father is a notorious thief (and herself is suspiciously good at picking locks), Kenneth is a chemist, Richard Aiken lost his sister and wanted to protect others at all cost... etc. Wesker's targeted people who were courageous, empathetic, and strong-willed. And yet, at this point, he didn't know what Umbrella's planned to do with them. He just did as he was told, and he chose them freely without Umbrella interfering.

He willingly chose to surround himself with people who absolutely did not share his beliefs. He did NOT choose meek people. He COULD have found competent AND cynical, less idealistic, less intelligent, policemen. But he chose them, introducing a risk factor as he was actually reporting to Umbrella. He chose people who have a strong moral compass, though they are less likely to be manipulated, are more difficult to lie to, and would rather not compromise. People with a sense of justice are often fierce and eager to defend their beliefs even though it's not in their best interest. They could have put Wesker in a delicate position, and, as a matter of fact, Chris, Forest, and Joseph were hated by Brian Irons.

So, why did he do that ?

If you listen attentively to Wesker's soliloquy in RE5, while he tries to pursue Chris as a clumsy octopus-like monster, I believe it makes sense if you consider he sees himself as a Messiah of sorts and a Creator.

Wesker hates humanity. But before his experience with STARS, humanity was actually comprising his colleagues within Umbrella. Umbrella taught him that people are worth less than nothing. (Though ironically, Umbrella's executives and accomplices, such as Brian Irons, probably reinforced Wesker's belief that humans were to be punished and corrected).

And so, when he loses his mind, he does not ramble, like a classic comic book villain, that humans are stupid or a lost cause. No. He laments that he sees "war and pestilence" whenever he goes. He wants peace. He relishes on being a Creator, a Demiurge. He wants to punish humanity AND start anew. That's precisely what Uroboros, a never ending circle of life and destruction, encompasses.

Wesker doesn't ONLY want to punish humanity. He wants humanity to do better, even though his method is totally irrational (as you could argue that he was the one bringing up War and Pestilence at its climax in their universe...).

He hasn't killed Chris, nor Jill, AND he EVEN confesses that he should have killed him YEARS ago. But why does he want his former pointman to understand ? Why is he OBSESSED about Chris "not understanding", if he isn't supposed to survive ?

I think that in Wesker's twisted mind, Chris represents what humanity should be at his best. Wesker fawned over his Tyrant, because it was his Creation. A new Human, created by him, the first step to his new world. But Tyrant is soulless. Chris, and Jill and every member of STARS he chose, trained and teamed up with, embodied values that he regards as worthy, honorable. They had a soul. And they were his.

There is something so enticingly complex about a character who implicitely confess that the world would be a better place if people were all as good and pure as the STARS members were, while he killed them all.

This man is hautingly complex your honor. He is Frankenstein's beast and a coward and a nerd that loves his action men and women.

But alas, he suffers from chronic backstabber disorder and delusions of grandeur.

Wesker, who blamed "loathsome humans" for turning the world into a cesspool, was actually one of these humans he so despise, partly because he never really abandoned Umbrella's mindset ("you're just another one of Umbrella's leftover" ie : a thing that belongs to them and doesn't think for himself which is TRUE).

And paradoxically, ironically, he betrayed and murdered in cold blood people that would have helped him make the world a better place.

[darklinaforever]

After years of Lestat's mental and physical abuse of Claudia it is normal that she decided to kill him.

What the hell are you talking about ?!

Lestat literally did nothing to Claudia until she made a huge mistake that put them all in danger.

Whether mentally or physically.

People love to avoid that the only reason Claudia started hating Lestat in the first place was because he was the one who turned her into a vampire (and then because he didn't want to make a companion for her - when obviously he wasn't going to turn someone as young as Claudia into a vampire again -, and because he had a mistress - except that in theory that's only Louis and Lestat's business, not her -.) Not because that he mentally or physically abused her.

She had literally already taken a dislike to him at the end of episode 4 or I repeat he had never done anything serious to her.

And even if he had continued to never do anything of that kind to her, she would have tried to kill him anyway (film and books to support this).

And even in episode 5, in fact, he was not objectively mean to her before she literally caused the police to arrive at their house and because of all that mess he let slip that she was a mistake (not justifiable to say that to his daughter, but understandable when we are from Lestat's point of view knowing that children must not be turned into vampires at the risk of becoming mentally unstable later and that Claudia at this moment confirms all the fears that he could have had and she is even worse than what was expected because clearly he did not expect the massacre she caused). It was at this moment that everything changed for Lestat regarding his perception of Claudia and his relationship with her (and things only tragically worsened over time for various and varied reasons). Because of a monumental mistake on Claudia's side, cause before, once again, he had nothing against her and had never been mean to her in any way before this crucial and inevitable event for Claudia because of her nature as an eternal young teenager (and no, making her look at Charlie burn is not something motivated by malice towards Claudia on Lestat's part, but a desire for her to face her mistake, understand what she as done, don't forget it and don't do it again. Basically, a simple lesson from a vampire parent !).

Not to mention the fact that Claudia's hatred for Lestat was based solely on what she knew about his transformation into a vampire which was twisted by Louis to give himself the best possible role in the story.

Claudia, in origine, therefore does not hate Lestat at all because he allegedly mentally and physically abused her.

And once again, even if he had never done anything physically or mentally abusive to her, she would have tried to kill him anyway (still film and books to support this).

Objectively, the worst thing he did to her physically in the show was grab her by the throat (something I remember Louis will also do later) and brutally push her when she tried to get involved in the fight he had with Louis.

Literally, this is the worst he's done to her physically.

And in fact, apart from this moment, he never physically harmed her at all !?

I'm not counting episode 7 because at that moment, Claudia literally tried to kill him... And no, I don't consider that Lestat pinning Claudia against a cupboard, and him suddenly grabbing her arm, as physical abuse.

Because we have to put these scenes in their context, which are that Claudia has done huge, super dangerous stupid things, and that Lestat in the first case interrogates her with Louis and that in the second case he panicked when he learned that she had tried to turn other people into vampires.

And if I'm supposed to see as the ultimate proof of Lestat's mental abuse of Claudia the moment when he greets her with coldness (after she had gone away for 7 full years, knowing that in addition the last time they saw each other was during the immense and dangerous massacre that Claudia perpetrated in the bayou) and his two deliberately hurtful remarks towards Claudia - about Charlie and the fact that she was a poor destitute girl - (precisely after she said that she was coming for take Louis with her, and once again refused to hear the simple fact that the vampires outside are dangerous and once again accusing him of lying about it and wanting to scare them with that), we're going to have a little problem, because I mostly see this as a huge argument resulting from a lack of communication and mutual mistakes on both sides, which ended up causing resentment for both which took root through the 7 years of separation.

Then, after that big Loustat fight in the end of episode 6, Lestat and Claudia were on an equal footing with the daily insults towards each other and again I find that Claudia was a little above Lestat in terms of disdain. She is truly the student who surpasses the master, as their chess games show.

People love to paint Lestat as the ultimate villain in the trio's family downfall ; the great abuser from whom Claudia and Louis rightly free themselves ! When in fact they are all almost equally at fault (Louis and Lestat still remaining slightly above Claudia because they are the ones who made her in the first place) in this family tragedy.

They are literally vampires. Monsters. A detail that people love to forget and which adds a lot of context to certain extreme reactions of these characters. None of them are really innocent in this whole mess and they all have their faults.

I'm fed up with this unjustified demonization of Lestat by the public.

[dusk-legion-diplomacy]

God Speaks

A fragile quiet that had fallen over Torrezon. After almost a year spent in reconstruction, it finally felt as though the continent was going to stabilize. New methods for cleansing the ground of oil were being developed, uneasy bonds were being formed... perhaps life without war was possible.

That ended with the coming of dusk. That ended when the screaming began.

That ended with but one sentence echoing through the souls of every vampire across the continent.

My children. It is time.

History will remember the beginning of the Age of Ever-Flowing Blood beginning with slaughter. Dozens cascaded into hundreds of lives lost during the first call. Nobles, clerics, even some of the paladins all fell that night, giving in to their worst instincts. They pounced and chased and devoured the humans that they were supposed to protect, eyes wild, their true god having returned to them. Exultation and fervor burned within them all.

And that is when the Legion responded in kind.

Paladins, long trained and honed in the art of resisting the influence of the Betrayer of the Night, began to intervene. Although they could not stop the initial frenzy, swift action would ensure thousands would not follow. Clerics joined them, binding and breaking the influence the fell god held over their brethren if they could, or deposing them as necessary.

Across the continent, a silent war would rage. The Legion and Church had known this day would come and stood ready to face it. Humans would begin seeing themselves evacuated from their homes with little explanation before explanation would come find them. There was little protesting after such events.

Escorts guarded by paladins and priests of all ranks and orders within the Legion brought them to some of the most fortified cities of Torrezon. Thousands would be moved to Alta Torrezon. It was easier to guard them, even if it did make these places targets. Better here than scattered.

Within the greatest and grandest cathedral in the heart of the continent, the silent war raged.

It is time to embrace who we were meant to be.

Bishops turned against their flocks, only to be stopped by those deemed lesser in rank. Many began crying about a promised end of days. None of their words were answered or argued. It was known that logic would not be what would win them the night.

It is time to throw off these embers of humanity. Embrace your nature! Embrace the beast within! The night is ours, my children!

The cathedral was full of the sounds of shouting and combat. Divine light flashed, weapons cut, bodies were slammed into the beautiful stonework. It was unknown among those fighting who would prevail. For a time, those fighting under the Church thought they would lose.

Saint Elenda ensured that would not happen.

Records of that evening would vary wildly from witness to witness. For those who fought the corruption of the Great Enemy, they felt an impregnable barrier form. They felt the warmth and touch of the divine that they had served for their entire lives, and many wept at how close they had come to losing it. Some had sworn they saw a glimpse of a second sun beginning to rise and set the sky alight with a cleansing fire before they too were consumed. Others said she was an avatar of fury and vengeance, forcing all who stood in her way to bend to her will.

The Great Enemy's influence was strong, but so long as the living Saint remained, his hold upon the vampires of Torrezon was limited. He knew this. She knew this. All knew how this was going to end.

The Pontifex struggled that night. When the first call came, he had called for himself to be restrained before he did something he would regret. He felt that deep hunger, that primal and blessed madness that had infested him ever since he felt the Rite, grow and thrash within the confines of his soul. He felt his mind begin to break and weaken, began to feel comfort in the whispering that called to him from a god - his god - and felt a large abyss begin to open and swallow him whole.

You will be free, my child. Let go.

He wanted to. Oh, how badly he wanted to. But something within him began to burn brighter than the influence of his more... destructive nature.

"We will be better!" he shouted. "We will not be our worst instincts!"

Power grew within him, and he felt himself claw his way out of that infinite abyss, yelling his defiance all the while. He screamed for what felt like hours. He tasted copper in his throat. The ones binding him did not once falter or let go. They had been ready for this eventuality. He was only released with the coming of the dawn.

The sun broke over the horizon, the skies turning from midnight to orange, beginning to reveal the breadth of the full carnage. Those who had been taken by madness retreated to darker places, harried by their once-brothers-in-arms.

Some would be able to recover. Some would return to the light and never look back. Others were not so lucky; they were the ones who were given mercy killings. Humans across the continent wanted answers, and the clergy began to respond. For the first time in months, conviction strengthened their voices, filling them with righteousness.

War had come to Torrezon. Horror had come to Torrezon.

But so long as the Legion could stand, the New Age never would.

---

Far off in the northernmost coasts of the continent, sequestered within a massive seaside cave, a god rested upon folded wings. Crimson bathed its face. The smell of iron was strong.

A new group of vampires had knelt before their sire, ready to receive his blessing.

The god looked to his chosen saint and herald. A grin was on her face. The god could not help but smile too.

War had come to this world. The end had finally come.

Wings flexed. Fangs were bared. Only one goal consumed the god now.

I'll eat the sun.

[pseudospaceship]

I have thought extensively on the subject. Here goes.

Grave gold seems to be a necromancer thing, not a general-populace Nevarran thing (as far as I can tell?). If Rook is also MW, all good. Emmrich gives Rook ALL. THE. GOLD. until Rook is like, "My sweet, my love, this shit is heavy and my arms now do not move. Help."

If Rook is any other faction, shit gets sociological. Because mortalitasi dowry can't possibly just be "here's a visual representation of my wealth and also some pretty stuff to bury me with." It's a ritual thing. It's got taboos. You should wear most of it all the time except maybe for sleep and definitely not for times when you absolutely shouldn't wear it, either because the occasion pollutes it or vice versa. Maybe there are pieces you never remove. Maybe there are pieces you never wear because of who gave them to you or for what occasion. There are rules around who gives to whom and how much and rules around how much you can buy for yourself. There are rules about whether and how you can give pieces away while you're still living. You definitely can't sell your own dowry, unless the alternative is literal starvation. There might be certain patterns or metals associated with particular orders.

Although (ritual, not medical) corpse contamination doesn't take the same forms in Nevarra as it does in other societies, it or some analogue clearly exists in some form in, for example, the popularity of vegetarianism (corpses are friends, not food). So it's reasonable to assume there are some events/activities/modes of being with which necromancy is not supposed to mix. So maybe, as a compromise, every necromancer removes their dowry for, like, the winter solstice festival or something. Now they are, ritually and temporarily, not a necromancer and they can go party.

BUT SPOUSES, not being mortalitasi, are not beholden to these rituals. Their jewelry is not, in a strict sense, dowry. Therefore it is neither necessary to wear nor under the same restrictions. Rook can choose to wear or not wear the pieces Emmrich gives them in any combination they like, and can wear them on occasions when Emmrich cannot. If there are particular forms or patterns that are restricted to the MW, it stands to reason that Rook can't wear them, unless it's understood that the privilege extends to family.

However, a long time ago some smart people figured out that, on the rare occasion one of these nerds gets out there and attracts one of the Surface Dwellers, it looks really weird for Partner A to be decked out like the worst kind of Christmas tree and Partner B to be wearing less than a first-year novice would consider the bare minimum. Plus all the rest of the nerds are marrying each other, so giving your partner gaudy jewelry is a super basic and normal part of necromancer life. There are poems about it. There are whole epic romances about it. Which means that in Emmrich's mind, NOT giving Rook gold is tantamount to saying, "I don't think you fit in and I wouldn't want you to." The idea wouldn't even occur to him. If he saw another necromancer with an unadorned partner he would privately be very concerned about the state of that relationship, and he might not even identify why at first.

Which also means (and I haven't written this into a fic yet but maybe I will and so should you) that eventually Rook has to set a "no gold as a default gift" rule, because they're building up way more than they can wear and they have a LOT of other interests, and while Emmrich is certainly the World Champion Thoughtful Husband, it would be very easy for our busy professor of Fade studies to rush out and buy a couple of bracelets like stopping by the gas station for some flowers.

Has anyone discussed how a romanced Emmrich would gift Rook their own grave gold (especially if Rook is also MW)? And how they would definitely have sex in nothing but their grave gold? I haven’t seen anything on it but there’s no way this is an original thought.

[makorragal-312]

I have mixed feelings on the EddieKim kiss being cut

On the one hand, keeping the kiss in would've definitely cemented Eddiesol bones for the finale since Marisol walking in on Eddie and Kim just hugging could leave any possibility of a break-up ambiguous.

But on the other hand, I feel like Chris seeing a woman he doesn't know look like a carbon copy of his mother is already traumatizing and distressing as it is. So him walking in on his dad actually kissing her would definitely make things worse.

[amelikos]

Thinking about how in the midst of the hostility currently directed at Amethio in-universe, Friede still remains the only one so far who expressed joy at his presence..

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[mayspicer]

Ok, the boss is no more! There were some super stressful moments but surprisingly we all survived o:

My animal companion got hit with disintegrate, but we had hero points to make him avoid it. I would cry actually, because disintegrate means no resurrection x_x

The war is prevented! At least this one, because Cayden's party is right at the center of a much bigger one just starting. Today we saved the country. Cayden is trying to not even save the whole world, just maybe slow the whole thing down and save as much people as possible...

[skrunksthatwunk]

playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there

[chuluoyi]

✎ heaven's fury

- gojo satoru x reader

sometimes you forget that your husband has burdens as the strongest sorcerer alive. when he goes back home from a bad day and you're the first person he comes contact to, you're made aware of it once again

genre: angry!gojo, a bit of hurt with looots of comfort and fluff !! it’s self-indulgent too🤭

note: i knooow i said i'll post gojo angst next, but i forgot i have this in backburner too so... this hurt/comfort goes first :') based on an anon's request. loosely takes place after baby!

a part of gojo's love entries

general masterlist

“Sukuna's vessel is a threat— he must be executed as soon as possible!”

“The more we put this off, the greater the risk he poses to society!”

“Gojo, you can't delay his sentence any longer—!”

Weak. All of them. They always make excuses. Trying to pin blame on someone else.

The jujutsu world he lives in… is wretched. Gojo Satoru thought he knew that well already, or at least knew enough to not get riled up over it.

Apparently not.

“Gojo-sensei? You look scary...”

Typically, he would mask his clear disdain with sharp-witted jibes, but he reached his limit this time. Especially since they had been pressuring him relentlessly to execute Itadori Yuji for at least five times a week, each week.

. . .

“Satoru, oh, you're home already!”

At the end of it all, he went home with the worst of moods. It served as a reminder—of his deep-seated contempt for weakness and how burdensome he found the task of protecting the insufferable to be.

“Satoru...?”

And it's because of their weakness that Suguru—

“Satoru, are you—?”

“Just fucking shut it!”

And that was when he saw you, standing before him with wide eyes, cradling your—his—precious baby in your arms, who was sound asleep.

“Huh…?”

Satoru immediately tensed up, realizing his mistake. And what hit him even harder was— is that a flicker of hurt he saw flashing across your face?

If so, then you quickly blinked it away because in the next instant, your face lit up with a warm smile— kind of forced, to his dismay. “Welcome home, Satoru.”

Something inside him churned, his heart started to ache, and there was a bitter taste in his mouth then.

There you were, as accepting as ever, and he cherished you for it.

But not tonight. Not for this. You didn't deserve any of his misplaced resentment.

Damn it. Damn it all!

In response, he offered you a subtle nod and headed to the bathroom, thinking a shower might help clear his foul mood away.

Contrary to what Satoru might think, you didn't really hold anything against him.

You were surprised, yes, because he was usually such a ball of energy even when he got back from intercity missions, but more than the hurt, you would understand if now, he was pissed some way or another.

Your husband is still a human. He is entitled to be upset on some days.

After ensuring your son was comfortably asleep in his cot, you returned to your bedroom to find Satoru already in bed, facing away from you. Hmph... now that you thought about it, this silence between you was unacceptable.

“Satoru.” You poked his side, but he didn't budge and still had his eyes shut. You arched an eyebrow. “Satoru? You can't be asleep.”

“…” No answer. Okay, let's try something else.

“Honey, talk to me? Hmm?” you decided to swallow the heat on your face as you addressed him more intimately. Mind you, you didn't usually call him that. He was the one in charge of pet names.

“…” This shithead. That's it.

“Satoru, my tummy hurts—”

“What?” In an instant, he flipped over, abruptly sitting up. “What hurts—”

Seizing the opportunity, you tugged him by the neck, and both of you tumbled onto the bed, with him landing on top of you. Satoru instinctively held himself up and cushioned the back of your head with his hand so you wouldn’t crash into the headboard—his blue eyes wildly flickering, searching for any sign of discomfort or harm.

“You good?” he made a face upon realizing your ruse.

“You won’t talk to me otherwise,” you noted with a hint of annoyance. But then your eyes softened into a concerned frown. “Satoru… what’s wrong?”

Once again, Satoru felt hollow. You were worried and it reached him. “It’s nothing,” he replied, looking away, trying to downplay his fury.

You pulled him close, his head against your chest, and though he was stiff and taken aback at first, he released a reluctant sigh and instinctively snuggled closer, finding comfort in your embrace.

“There, there…” you soothed with a smile, gently running your fingers through his hair. “Feel better now?”

He let out another sigh against you, returning the hug and nuzzling his face against your chest. His body heat enveloped you like a blanket.

And after a while...

“...’m sorry for yelling at you...” he muttered with such regret it made your eyes widen. “Didn’t mean it.”

The slight prickle in your heart dissipated at once, hearing his muffled voice.

“Mm-hmm, I know.”

“Really.”

“Mmm, really, really.”

He held you a little tighter, breathing in your scent, and you kept stroking his head. He looked so despondent it warmed your heart, and made you want to pet him. “Our baby loves being held like this too,” you giggled fondly. “You big baby… you’re just like him.”

Your husband let out a soft grunt against your chest, exhaling deeply.

“Whenever you’re ready, talk to me, yes?”

And so after several more pats on his head, Satoru finally told you everything, about how the higher-ups were relentlessly pressing him to put an end to Yuji, the new kid he recently enrolled to the jujutsu school.

“They're just some paranoid old fools—”

“Mm-hmm.”

“—stinky, cringey, looks depressed most of the time—”

“Heh— now that's just plain disrespect.”

“Yuji is just clueless and just has a lot to learn,” Satoru grumbled sullenly. “They didn't even teach him a thing and incapable to— how dare they? To keep him ignorant and then murder him?”

...oh.

And at that moment, you found clarity. Why he got so worked up, why he got irate this time whereas he was usually insensitive.

First, it was because of your tragic youth. No one protected Haibara from his unfortunate incident and was there for Geto when he needed it the most—which still haunted him to this day.

And secondly, because he himself is a father too. No one deserves their youth being taken away. That has been his moral compass, and the sense grows even stronger ever since the baby was born.

It made something inside you flutter.

“Satoru...” you breathed out, smiling, squeezing him affectionately. “You’re ... a kind person.”

“Huh?”

“You take it upon yourself to mentor those kids,” you mused. “Just look at Megumi and Yuta; they've turned out just fine.”

Truthfully, Satoru didn't consider himself as kind as you made him out to be. At times he felt like he was doing it because it was right, sometimes he thought it was for fun, and at other times, he simply didn't feel like seeing more deaths or wrong paths. And he was sure if you had asked Megumi whether he was a good teacher or not, the grumpy boy would only roll his eyes.

But then, just as he looked up at you, the prettiest smile blossomed on your face, and you said to him—

“And as your wife, I’m... proud of you.”

The way you sincerely told him that made his breath catch in his throat, and his heart pound a little faster.

The woman who has become his everything. This unabashed, pure love you show him.

“Sweets, I—” he suddenly rose, back to on top of you. But his voice faltered, remembering the way he coldly snapped at you earlier. “I...”

You looked up at him innocently. And he swallowed the shame because he had to tell you too.

Because you were so, so incredibly precious to him, and he wanted you to know that.

“…love you,” he mumbled, his beautiful eyes meeting yours with no hesitation. His cheeks were burning, tinted with a shade of pink—and you out of all people knew best that him being embarrassed meant as good as him not being horny—

But before you could point it out, he leaned down towards you, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss. There was no trace of the man who was hungry for your body— it was just a long, chaste kiss that contained his feelings for you.

And when he pulled back, both of you were panting slightly, trying to catch your breath. Then, he pursed his lips, his eyes glittery—somehow reminding you of your baby's face just before he cried out for his milk.

“I wanna pay for my sin. Wanna cuddle you too.”

And so you let him. He held you close, his arm under your head and you traced lazy lines on his chest, feeling contented and somewhat giddy.

“You feel that bad, huh?” you chuckled, noticing his continued gloominess.

“I am,” he puffed out his cheeks before pressing a kiss on your forehead. “Because if anyone else dares to tell you off like that, I'll wreck them on the spot.”

“Hmm, how romantic. But come to think about it... you did look a little scary though...”

At that moment, he felt his heart drop, his eyes instantly rounded in alarm, looking at you with dismay.

“No, no, I'm not scary! Wifey, I'm your devoted and loving husband!”

Epilogue

Your morning started with your baby's cries. When you glanced over, Satoru was gone from your bed already. Curious, you made your way to the baby's room, and what you saw there caused you to raise an eyebrow.

"Satoru... what are you...?"

He turned to you with an expression so heartbroken as he rocked his wailing baby. "He keeps crying, I don't know why..."

However, your attention was drawn more to his disheveled appearance. Messy hair, slitted eyes as if he hadn't brushed off sleep, and most of all, the dark eyebags under his eyes.

"Uh, Satoru... give him to me."

When he did, your baby calmed down almost instantly, his sobs turning into light sniffles, and your husband could only scratch his head in confusion.

"Why...? When I tried to look at him, he cried even harder—"

"...no offense, but if I were a baby and someone who looks like a panda holds me up, I'd get scared and cry too."

Satoru let out a theatrical gasp, clutching his chest as he hovered over your baby—

"Nooo! Papa didn't mean to scare you—!"

...but to his horror, your baby turned away from him, hiding his face in your chest instead.

[active-mind-15]

I think it's very deliberate that despite having so many responsibilities, it wasn't the workload that was his final straw. His final straw was losing those he held dear. It's no wonder he snapped after Murasakibara told him that.

Reminds me of how Akashi would talk about how winners are affirmed everything while losers are denied everything. He likely got that saying from his father, but this moment from their last year of Teiko really solidified it for him. If he lost, he wasn't just denied control of the team, he was denied his best friends. And he refused to let that happen.

Thinking about how in middle school akashi's biggest fear was his friends abandoning him because he couldn't keep up with them and then murasakibara tells him that he doesn't want to listen to someone weaker than him☹️☹️

[lieslab]

If we could only turn back time

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Chan X gn reader

Summary: After a Dispatch article leaks, your betrayed boyfriend kicks you out of your shared apartment and you're silenced in the worst way possible.

Genre: Angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 5.1K

Trigger warning: Misunderstood trope, physical assault, anger, yelling, a car accident, plus graphic descriptions of physical injuries, and doctors/hospitals.

A/N: I had three hours of sad One Direction music, one request, and a dream. Requestee, you asked for angst and I have given it my all. I hope this meets every expectation and more <3

_ _ _

You were the light of Bang Chan’s life. At least, that’s what he thought. For months, his love grew for you. Over time, he opened up more and more. You crawled into his heart and made yourself at home. 

And then you tore it open. 

He thought he finally had the love of his life, but it turns out, you were just like the others. Not really loving him, but dragging along, clinging onto clout, and when the next man came, you jumped with both feet. You didn’t even say goodbye, but neither did he. 

There was no warning for either of you. One day, the two of you were head over heels for each other. The next, everything fell apart. Hearts cracked like stained glass. Tears fell, but the words from both of you didn’t provide the comfort the other so desperately craved. 

In the end, two hearts ripped apart. The world tipped in the wrong direction. You both lost your footing and for weeks, nothing would be the same for either of you, ever again. 

~ ~ ~ 

When you came home from buying groceries, the apartment was quiet, like usual. Chan’s warm presence had been gone since this morning. Up at the crack of dawn, he disappeared to continue making his dreams come true. 

You missed him when he was gone, just as he missed you, but dreams were important. No matter what happened between the two of you, it was the one thing you both agreed that it was important. No matter where your life took you, the most important thing was keeping focused on your dreams. 

Yes, the two of you were in love, but that wasn’t stopping either of you from pursuing your passions. Not yet engaged, the two of you vowed to be supportive of each other. Through thick and thin, in the risky moments, and everything in between; you swore to be there for one another. 

Your bare feet glided across the tile floor with ease. Without Chan, the apartment felt empty, but that didn’t stop you from trying to make it feel warm and fuzzy. Over on the side counter, you turned on the candle warmer. Maybe by the time Chan got home, the apartment would be full of a welcoming vanilla buttercream. 

You swore his cologne had hints of vanilla. He disagreed with you and insisted you didn’t know your scents. Just to prove a point, you bought the vanilla candle, and yet, he refused to see it.

He could be stubborn like that sometimes. Certain things he couldn’t see. No matter how hard and how obvious you attempted to make these things, he refused to see them. Sometimes, it was more frustrating than anything, but you learned to deal with every part of him; the good and the bad. 

You had your own set of flaws, too. Out of everyone existing in the world, there was nobody that you wanted to be with more than Chan. The two of you were still so young. There was a lifetime of adventures and fun to have. You were hoping the relationship between the two of you would last forever. 

It ended when Chan stormed through your front door. The bang of the front door slamming against the sidewall sent your heart racing. You grabbed a can of peas for defense and held your breath. 

Footsteps stormed through your living room. Your fingers turned pale around the can. A sigh of relief fell from you when you saw the furrow on Chan’s face. “Holy shit, you scared the crap out of me. What’s wrong, baby? What happened?” 

You put down the can and walked towards him. Your hands stretched out to grab his face. To your surprise, he swatted them away. Your eyes widen at the faint sting. “What are you-” 

“You don’t get to baby me after what you did!” 

“I-I did something? What did I-” 

“Shut up! You don’t get to pretend like you don’t know! You know I’ve felt like a piece of shit because I can’t be here twenty-four-seven! You know I travel for work and yet you still choose to hurt me in the worst way possible!” 

Confusion filled your face and it just pissed him off more. He jerked his Samsung phone from his pocket. You watched as he typed in the password. Your actions from the past few days rolled through your head like stop-motion. Each silent click, more scenes filled your head. 

None of them stood out. You couldn’t recall what you did wrong, but Chan was furious. Your mouth opened, but words didn’t come out. He flipped the screen to find the bold words of a Dispatch article. Your heart hit the ground with a sickening splat. 

Trouble in paradise: A Rocky Road Ahead For Stray Kids’ Bang Chan’s Romantic Relationship. 

Attached, two photos of you grinning at another JYP idol from another group. In one, you were waving at them. In another, you were leaning over and hugging them. 

“It’s not what it looks like!” 

“Really? Because you know what it looks like to me? It looks like you were attempting to hide a close relationship with someone in a younger group.” 

“That’s not true! Chan, it’s Dispatch! You can’t possibly believe that I-” 

“I want you out of my apartment.” 

Your face fell at his words. “You…you wouldn’t. Please, just let me explain and I-” 

“When have you ever talked about him? Never! You’ve never been close to another idol! Yet now, you’re hugging him?” 

“Chan, please!” 

“Get out!” 

“But-” 

“Out!” His voice raised. “Get your stuff and get the fuck out of my apartment! Don’t bother coming back!” 

The words were loud enough to frighten you. You left the grocery bags scattered on the kitchen island and took off. Tears filled your eyes. You wanted to explain, but he kept cutting you off. 

Too heated to think about the situation, his insecurities got the best of him. In the kitchen, he slumped against the counter with his head in his hands. Warm tears filled his eyes at the sound of your sniffles. 

He wanted to comfort you, but the hurt was too much. He grew to love you with everything he had and within one Dispatch article, his swollen heart popped. How could you do this to him? After everything the two of you had been through, why did you have to ruin it? 

Tears blurred your vision and you didn’t look back. You jerked items from the closet and tossed them in your suitcase. Grabbing handfuls from each of your dresser drawers, you tossed them in with everything. Even the toiletries, you didn’t have time to organize them. 

Chan wanted you to go, so you’d leave. At the end of the day, this was his apartment. You paid rent, but his name was the first on the contract. He paid the down payment, not you. 

You gave him one last desperate look as you passed by, but he didn’t see it. His name fell from your mouth in a weak croak, but he didn’t pull his hands from his eyes. “Please, just go away.” 

You spun around, gripped your suitcase tighter, and then you did. 

~ ~ ~ 

All night, you drove around without a destination in mind. You refused to call one of Chan’s members and plead for help. It’d only stir up drama in the group. That was the last thing you wanted. 

Numbness hung over your head. You still couldn’t believe everything that happened a few hours ago. If he would have listened, he would have understood. The tears dried up a while ago, but the empty feeling in your chest didn’t go away. 

Seoul’s late afternoon crept into another dark night. Gray blotted skies drifted into a pitch black. Neon lights reflected off the paint on your car, but the warm colors didn’t warm your heart. 

The car felt lonely without Chan. You’d give anything to hear his laughter from beside you. The playful banter while he reminded you to turn on the correct turn signal. It’d been a constant inside joke between the two of you. Ever since you accidentally flicked on the wrong signal and turned the wrong way, he’d never let it go. 

The way he tipped his head forward. Messy tendrils of dark hair fell over his forehead. His squeaky laugh warmed your heart. Such a far comparison from the anger that rattled the apartment walls earlier. 

You poked his dimples between the stoplights. On nights when the two of you wanted to get away from everyday life, you found peace in this car. You’d drive and be in control for once. He’d sit beside you with a hand on your thigh. 

Simple conversations filled the car. Love pooled between the two of you. Shared laughter, quiet conversations, and the secret getaway that your car provided you’d do anything to turn back time. 

You loved him for a reason. You always had and you always would. Just because photos told one story, it didn’t mean they told the entire story. Snippets didn’t capture the truth. The context was important, but Chan was too distraught tonight. 

Too stressed out. Too angry. Too frustrated. Things built up and that article was the breaking point. Those photographs became thorns in your relationship. In one day, the roses wilted. Withered petals gathered at your feet. 

Tomorrow would be better, you reassured yourself as you drove. Tomorrow, Chan would realize he was wrong. He jumped the gun in this situation. In the morning, he’d call you and apologize. 

Tomorrow, you’d be welcomed home with a heartfelt apology and a bouquet of fresh flowers. A glass full of red wine, sweets, and a home cooked dinner. Tomorrow, things will be okay again. These tears were temporary. This hurt wouldn’t last forever. 

At a stoplight, you grabbed your phone and dialed Changbin’s number. On speaker phone, you waited and waited, but he didn’t pick up. If anyone would know the truth and be able to rationalize Chan’s brain, it was him. 

The red light from the stoplights highlighted faint tear streaks. You sniffled, wiping your long sleeve across your dripping nose. Your eyes shut and your voice cut out and quivered as you spoke. 

“Please know that I didn’t mean to cause him or you guys any harm. I ran into him the other day and asked if he could help teach me a dance. He’s one of JYP’s best dancers and I know Stray Kids are busy. His group is on break and I just thought I could surprise Chan with a dance.” 

“Saying it out loud, I get that it’s stupid now. I was just hoping it’d cheer him up. He’s been so stressed lately. I thought the least I could do was make him laugh.” 

“If you get a chance and if he’s willing to hear it, please let him know I love him. I love him and I’m sorry. Dispatch is stupid and I hate them. You can even ask that idol and he’ll tell you the same thing. I’m so sorry, Changbin. I’ll talk to you later. I have to find a place to stay tonight.” 

You swallowed the lump in your throat and shut your eyes. After clicking the end call button on your phone, you threw the device into your passenger’s seat. Maybe if you were lucky, Chan would hear out Changbin. Level-headed and rational, you knew Chan appreciated the advice he gave out. 

A car horn honked behind you. Your eyes quickly reopened and the green light stared back at you. Unblinking, you grumbled beneath your breath. “I’m going, I’m going, geez.” You inched out into the intersection, expecting to continue going straight. 

You weren’t expecting your car to jerk left. Your screams blended with the sound of crushing metal. Orange sparks flew. The sickening scent of burnt rubber and diesel hit your nose. Your seatbelt cut into your neck and briefly cut off your air flow. 

The last thing you remembered was the horn of the semi-truck vibrating your entire car. 

~ ~ ~ 

It wasn’t Dispatch that was the first one to find out about the devastating car accident; instead, it was Jeongin. He sucked in a deep breath as he walked into the hospital. Last night, after struggling with the flu, someone admitted his friend to the hospital. 

He mumbled beneath his breath, trying to figure out what to say. A blue medical mask sat over his nose and mouth. He knew to keep his distance, but he still felt awful that they were here. 

Hospitals were lonely. In the brief moments when families and friends disappeared. When the nurses were following their routine rounds and doctors were checking in on other patients, people were left alone. The isolating white walls. The uncomfortable piercing beeps from the heart rate monitor. The cold IV drips, distributing medicine directly into the bloodstream. 

Surgical stitches ached. Disease weighed heavily upon the lungs. Intubation and the mechanical push and pull of oxygen and carbon dioxide. Hospitals were the opposite of warm and welcoming. Cold and sterile, he rather wished his friend was at home. 

The colorful bouquet of multicolored flowers was the brightest thing in the hallway. Closed doors with numbers passed by as he walked. The nurse’s announcement of his friend’s room number echoed in his head. 

It dissipated when he heard your name from a nurse in a cracked room. Before he knew it, he was pushing the door open and stepping inside. On the hospital bed, you were unrecognizable. Scrapes and cuts laced your face. Both plum purple eyes swelled shut.  

The right side of your face puffed up unnaturally. Black stitches poked out from the bottom of your lip. That was just your face. That wasn’t beginning to touch the cast on your arm and the rest of your body hidden beneath the blue covers. 

He knew it was you. He recognized the promise ring on your ring finger. He had helped Chan pick it out. He glanced around, searching for Chan, but he wasn’t there.

“Are you lost?” 

He glanced up to find the nurse. Her blonde hair tied back in a high ponytail. She observed him through black, circular-rimmed glasses. 

He shook his head and repeated your name. The nurse frowned and he pointed to you. “Is this-” 

“Are you family?” 

“Brother.” 

You weren’t biologically related, but it felt true deep down. 

~ ~ ~ 

Changbin tried to bring the situation up to Chan, but every time he spoke your name, Chan would shut down. From what Changbin knew, Chan didn’t know what happened to you. The rest of the guys did, but they all received the same results. Every time they spoke your name, Chan grew irritated and short-tempered. 

“I don’t want to talk about them! Stop bringing them up! Enough!” 

The charming and charismatic leader unraveled at the seams. His heart was full of love for you and you ruined it. That wasn’t something he took lightly. The hurt oozed out in other ways. 

His songs weren’t coming together as easily anymore. He used to get your feedback when he went home, but now the apartment was empty. The bed was colder without you. He was lonely, but he wouldn’t admit it. 

He snapped during dance practice. After he snapped at a manager, a manager lectured him about authority and respecting his elders. Nobody understood the hurt that he was going through. It didn’t help that Dispatch began showing up and bothering him. 

They could take all the pictures they wanted. He’d never give them the satisfaction of breaking his heart. Instead of listening, he put on his airpods and cranked up the music. He shoved through the camera flashes with his baseball hat low and a face mask covering the rest of his face. They didn’t deserve to turn his heartbreak into entertainment. 

He’d never let them break him. They already did it once. You were gone and the longer you went without a call or a text, he assumed they were right. They caught you cheating and you accepted it. You didn’t fight for your relationship. 

You didn’t call and beg for him to take you back. You didn’t call and try to explain. He sent you one text, but you never opened it. He was at a complete loss without you. 

Some would call him stubborn for it, but he’d say that he was just trying to protect himself from more hurt. 

~ ~ ~ 

The lonely days for you didn’t stay lonely for long. Jeongin discovered you hours after your accident. The days slipped by, but you weren’t alone anymore. Unconscious and pumped full of medicine, sure. They were far from lonely. 

Every evening, the guys took turns hanging out beside your bed. Seungmin would sing the songs you liked. Jeongin told you funny stories of Chan, trying to bring you back to consciousness. Minho brought you warm comments from the fans who found out about your accident. The rest of the guys had their own things, but Chan’s voice never filled the room. 

Stuck in a coma, things were dark. Occasionally, you could hear the beeping of your machines. You could feel your lungs expand and compress unnaturally. Your body felt like a shell more than anything. Voices came and went, but never Chan’s. 

In the darkness, you couldn’t see. You weren’t sure if you were dead or not. Stranger’s voices appeared in soft whispers and then they faded. You weren’t sure what was going on, but you knew you were exhausted. 

Those audible voices and sounds never lasted for long. You couldn’t feel pain. Every sensation within you felt numbed. A heavy fog filled your head and something clouded your vision. 

You attempted to open your eyes every so often, but they didn’t budge. Someone glued them shut. Every limb tingled with tiny pins and needles. You didn’t know if this was death, but it didn’t feel comforting. Somewhere between the realm of the living and dead, doctors kept you in a medically induced coma. 

How else could they heal the swelling of your brain? ~ ~ ~  

“I can’t take this anymore!” Felix cried out. He shoved himself from the chair and pulled out his phone. “This is such bullshit! I’m tired of keeping this from him.”

“Well, we’ve tried. What do you propose we do? Tell him to get to the hospital without mentioning his significant other’s name?” Seungmin crossed his arms over his chest. “Good luck. We’ve tried everything and it’s been twenty-something days.” 

“Actually, that’s exactly what we should do. How much longer can this go on for? This is pathetic, even for him! I get that he’s hurt, but look at them!” He reached over and gestured towards your bed. 

You remained intubated and unmoving. The swelling in your puffy eyes faded a little more each day, but they still looked awful. The stitches in your lips disappeared, but a fresh pink scar remained. 

Swirls of purple and blue smeared along your face. Broken bones reset and were on the mend. You were a living miracle. The first responders were afraid you wouldn’t make it, but when they pulled you from the wreckage, you continued breathing. 

So he unlocked his phone and hit Chan’s contact name. 

“Hello?” 

“Chan?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You need to get to the hospital right now. Call me when you get here.” 

“WHAT?” 

“I can’t talk. Just call me when you get here.” 

“Felix!” 

He grimaced and hung up the phone. Seungmin shook his head and rolled his eyes. “You probably gave him a heart attack. He’s going to kill you when he gets here, you know?” 

“That’s a problem for later.” ~ ~ ~ 

Chan flew from his apartment. His heart pounded in his chest and he couldn’t breathe. Losing you was hard enough. If anything happened to a member of his group, he’d never forgive himself. 

“Come on, come on!” He fumbled with his seat belt in one hand. With the other, he swung his car door shut. In seconds, he jerked the car in reverse and slammed the pedal. 

He lurched down the driveway, spun the wheel with a rubbered squeal, and shifted the car into drive. The engine roared and he sped down the road. 

What-ifs grew stronger on the way to the hospital. His breath caught in his throat and he struggled to stay calm. Last he knew, everyone was fine so what happened? Who? How bad was it? 

The moment he parked, he whipped out his phone and dialed Felix’s number. When Felix responded, his voice came out frantic. “I’m here! Where are you?” 

“Room one-twelve. I’ll meet you half-way. I’ll see you soon.” 

“Wait, who is-” 

Click. 

“Fucking hell!” He cried out. He grabbed the keys, sped from the car, and rushed towards the automatic door. 

Everything was a blur inside. Voices appeared from the waiting room. The receptionist glanced over the front desk and eyed him, but she didn’t stop him. He glanced left and right and opted to go left. 

The carpet disappeared beneath his feet and turned into squeaky clean white vinyl. An easy material to clean and disinfect daily. He rushed forward when he saw Felix appear down the edge of the hall. 

The squeak of his shoes didn’t matter. He ignored the doctor he passed that told him to stop running. By the time he reached Felix, he grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him closer. “Who is it? What happened? Tell me!” 

“Just, come on.” 

“Felix!” 

Felix didn’t budge. He grabbed Chan’s wrist and pulled him along. His chest filled with anxiety and his lungs compressed. When the pair appeared at the right door, Felix dropped his wrist and slowly pushed the door open. 

He expected to find Han or Jeongin. A broken and battered Hyunjin or Changbin hooked to oxygen. This was the intensive care unit. This was for the severe cases. The patients that required a close eye and keen detailing. 

Upon seeing you, his face fell. The bruising upon your face. The tube down your throat. Your lifeless skin and unmoving limbs. There was no sign of the life the two of you created. 

No reassuring smiles, or laughter. Seungmin sat solemnly beside your bed in a chair. “I’m shocked that you finally made it.” 

“What the hell happened?” He hurried to the opposite side of your bed. His hand reached out, but he didn’t touch you. Too frightened by your state, he didn’t know where he could touch without causing you pain. 

“Try their hand,” an unfamiliar voice spoke up. He whirled around to find a nurse in blue scrubs. “Their hands survived the crash. You can touch their hands if you wish.” 

“Sorry, I came in to get some vitals. It’ll only be a few moments and then I can leave you alone. Visiting hours are open until eleven o’clock tonight. I’ve never seen you here before, so I thought you should know.” 

“How long have they been like this?” He whispered. Tears filled his eyes and his heart ached. 

“Since the night you told them to leave your apartment.” 

“What?” 

“Felix!” Seungmin’s voice shot out sternly. “It’s not like that, Chan. Yes, the accident happened that night, but don’t beat yourself up over it. A driver of a semi-truck was speeding and couldn’t stop in time.” 

“That was nearly a-” 

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Felix’s hand appeared on his shoulder. “We tried to tell you, but every time we tried to utter their name, you were angry. We should have found a better way to tell you, but…” He trailed off, unsure of what else to say. 

The nurse grabbed your vitals and disappeared to give the guys time with you. Chan collapsed to his knees and grabbed your hand with both of his. For nearly a month, you’d been stuck in this bed. He thought you’d given up on the relationship with him. 

This entire time you haven't texted him back. Not because you were angry. Not because you were sad. Not because Dispatch’s rumors were true. But it was because you physically couldn’t. Intubated and trapped in a medically induced coma, you couldn’t reach out, even if you wanted to. 

“I’m so sorry,” he croaked. “I’m so sorry, I-I thought that they-” 

“Easy, hyung.” 

“What did I do? What the fuck did I do? If I wouldn’t have kicked them out of the apartment, this wouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have been so angry. I should have let them explain.” 

Seungmin shot Felix a look. He shrugged and gently rubbed Chan’s shoulders. “It’s not your fault, Channie. You were hurting and you didn’t mean for this to happen.” 

He was supposed to be the leader. A strong pillar and an even stronger influence on his younger members. As the eldest member, he was supposed to be reliable. At that moment, he crumbled. Tears appeared in his eyes as a sob broke from his chest. 

No wonder you had been so quiet. He called you once and hit your voicemail. He longed to hit the call button, just so he could hear your voice again. He squeezed your hand tighter and pressed it against his cheek. 

“Wake up. Wake up, baby, please! Come back to me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I'm so sorry!” 

Tears blurred his vision. He struggled to comprehend your mangled face. Your other hand sat wrapped in a cast. You must have been so broken when you arrived here. He wasn’t here to comfort you. He wasn’t here to try and console and cheer you up. 

A wheeze fell from his throat. The betrayal slicing through his heart disappeared. This time, he felt like he was the one that had betrayed you. He hurt you in the most unimaginable way possible. 

You laid here broken and half-dead. You spent hours fighting for your life alone. And where was he? Walking around your shared apartment drowning in his own self-pity. He’d never forgive himself for this. 

“What is this?” He finally whispered after his sobs faded away. His throat was raw. His voice came out scratchy. “How bad is it?” 

“The doctor said they should wake up at any time. They weren’t breathing on their own. A medically induced coma ensured to make sure their brain’s swelling could stop.” 

“It was that bad? They’ve been suffering through all that alone?” His bottom lip quivered. He grew afraid of the response he’d receive. 

“No,” Seungmin spoke up. “Jeongin found out first. He was the one that notified us. He said he tried to tell you, but when he showed up at your apartment, you told him to leave.” 

Horror filled Chan at the memory. Later that same night, back when you left, Jeongin appeared on his front porch pale. Instead of hearing out the younger member, he told him to get lost and slammed the door in his face. Deep down, he was afraid to be viewed as weak in front of the younger member. 

The memory stung his heart. Poor Jeongin just wanted him to know the truth and he slammed the door in his face. No wonder Jeongin seemed so nervous around him. He was probably worried that Chan would find out the truth and yell at him for not telling him. 

He rubbed his face and pawed at his eyes. “So does everyone know?” 

“Everyone besides you.” 

“Sorry you’re late. None of us knew how to get you here. You’d never listen when we tried to talk about them.” 

“I was such a stupid, selfish asshole.” 

“You were hurting,” Felix corrected him. 

“And a stupid, selfish asshole.” 

“You were.” 

“Seungmin!” Felix cried. 

“No, I want him to know that he was. I’m not going to sit here and pity him. You were a jerk, Chan. I hope you remember this moment whenever you try to act like an asshole again.” 

The words were a slap in the face, and yet he wanted to laugh. As harsh as Seungmin’s words were, they rang true. He was a jerk and maybe, in the cruelest way possible, this was his karma. 

He opened his mouth to respond, but paused when your fingernails scratched at his hand. The tube in your throat caused you to choke. You couldn’t fully see as your eyes half-opened. Still swollen, your vision remained limited. Silhouettes appeared and voices became more distinct. 

“Get a nurse!” 

Footsteps hit the ground. You gargled and reached your opened mouth. “No, no, no! You can’t touch that yet.” 

“Easy, love. Try to relax and don’t fight the tube. It’s breathing for you right now.” 

The distress and quickened-pace of the heart rate monitor hit a hiccup. Chan’s familiar voice grounded you, but you still struggled with the tube. Your lungs wanted to expand, but the machine compressed them. You choked again, still fighting the pesky thing. 

More footsteps. Another silhouette. Glasses on an unfamiliar face and latex rubbing against your skin. “It’s okay, you’re safe. I’m going to take this out now, okay? On the count of three. One, two, three!” 

You gasped and coughed at the removal. Your lungs filled with air of your own accord. More coughing. You attempted to swallow, but your mouth was so dry. The lingering phantom of a headache filled the side of your head. 

“Try a sip of this, sweetheart.” 

The nurse’s tone was honey to your ears. You swallowed the water the moment it hit your lips. One swallow and then another. Two more and suddenly, you were gulping like crazy. 

“Easy, or you’ll choke,” Chan gently reminded you. 

The nurse pulled the glass away when you finished. “Do you know where you are?” 

“Hospital?” 

“Do you remember your name?” 

“Chan?” 

“I’m right here, honey. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. Do you remember your name? This nice nurse wants to help you get better. Your doctor is on his way.” 

Every question asked, you answered it perfectly. A buzz of excitement swirled around the room from your consciousness. Seungmin and Felix left the room to give everyone the good news. 

When the doctor concluded you were stable, he disappeared with the nurse. A silence fell between you and Chan. You still couldn’t see perfectly, but you could feel the weight of his hand in yours. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry for that night.” 

“I don’t want to talk about that night.” 

“I was an idiot.” 

“Dumbass,” you weakly corrected him. 

“I see getting hit by a semi-truck hasn’t taken away your sass.” 

“If I can survive this, I can survive anything.” 

“I love you and I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah, I love you and I don’t want to hear anything else about that. I’m so tired. Can you sing me to sleep or something?” 

“If I do, promise you won’t die?” 

“I promise.” 

Even if you couldn’t make out his face, you knew his voice, and that was good enough for you. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lia-linny @seungnishi @stellasays45 @emilyywhyy @rockstarkkami @flightlessackerman @danihwang882 @inlovewithstraykids @velvetmoonlght

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[dcxdpdabbles]

DCXDP fanfic idea: You ARE the Father.

Clark Kent gets a call from his old high school situationship. Really, he liked her well enough, but both had agreed they did not want to stay stuck in Smallville forever.

Clark wanted to go to the big city for journalism, and Maddie wanted to go into the sciences - she was unsure if she wanted to do organic chemistry or engineering. His parents supported his dream, Maddie's....not so much.

While she did come from a family of intelligent women, the Paynes believed they should stay on the family farm to support the family. They could not understand why Maddie wanted to be strong and independent woman if all that would bring her was dying alone.

According to them, no man wanted a disobent wife. She argued too much with men and often wouldn't back down from her stance.

Apparently, that made her "unlady" like.

Clark never saw it. Personally, he thought women with backbone, who wouldn't take anyone shit, was insanely attractive. That's why he had approached her at the local science fair where she was steaming by her impressive solar energy powered homemade phone.

Her mother had just finished reminding her that her first place in a small high school fair was nothing to be proud of. It was, after all, only Smallville, and really, there wasn't much competition anyway.

Clark told her that she was likely the smartest person in their entire state and he was in awe by her. Maddie kissed him behind the gym the science fair was being held.

Her family forbade her from dating, which made the kiss somehow more exciting.

They met up regularly to sneak kisses or lend a sympathetic ear. Around their last year of high school, they went a little further then kisses, and really the Kent Barn is not the most comfortable place but it was hidden well enough her family wouldn't know what she was up to and Ma wouldn't question him spending the night there.

All the years of sleeping near the cows to keep them company, since he worried they were lonely, as a child paid off. Despite the numerous times they put Kent barn to work, both knew it was nothing serious.

Maddie needed a break from her family. Clark was more than happy to be her stress relief. He did worry a aweful lot about his powers and the fact he was an alien, so he needed some stress relieving of his own around those years too.

Maddie applied secretly to a big college on the Wayne Scholarship states away, and Clark planned on going to Metropolis as soon as possible for the open intership at the Daily Planet.

They were friends with benefits, but the day graduation came around, they never spoke to each other again. Neither were bitter. They had both known what would be the ending long before it arrived. It would have never worked between them.

Clark wasn't sure what Maddie had wanted after all these years, but being presented a teenage girl- the splitting image of Maddie at that age- who was flouting five feet off the ground was not one of them.

"Jazz, meet Clark Kent, you biological father" Maddie Fenton, for she was married now to the man who had raised Jazz like his own. "Clark, this is Jasmine Fenton...you're daughter"

The man of Steel felt like he's was going to faint.

Or.......

Maddie met Jack in her first semester of college. They get alone really well, and she finds herself with a pregnancy scare before she knows what happened. Sometime between the protrype portal and Jack treating her like an equal, she had found her walls coming down long enough to have a little fun.

The worst part is she is unsure of who the father is, the loveable goof she can see herself spending her life with or the kind gentle famer boy she left behind. It's only two months apart, but it was close enough it could go either way.

She tells Jack the truth, who declares that he doesn't care and gets down on one knee right there and then. Maddie agrees to marry him over the choked tears, blooming happiness and love so strong she feels dizzy from it.

A few months later, she gives birth to her Jazz, and two years later, she has Danny. The Fentons finish school, set up Fenton Works, and raise their family. She never considers telling Clark or getting Jazz tested.

She's Jack Fenton's daughter. That's all there is to it.

Until Jazz one day starts showing signs that Jack is not her father. How does Maddie know? Simple, she recognized the man flying around calling himself Superman, and after hearing of his home planet, and all the little things Clark had been too clumsy to properly cover up back in the day, it clicks.

Her daughter is half Kryptonian and her powers were awakening. Did all Kryptonians unlock thier abilities at the teenage age? Was it a puberty thing for thier kind?

Maddie didn't know, but she couldn't afford to let her daighter go in blind. Metas had tough lives. Who knows what being part alien could do. So she picked up the phone and dialed the man who may have the answers.

Meanwhile, Danny and Jazz are desperately trying to hide the fact that Jazz may have gotten some ghost abilities due to exposure from Phantom's Ghostly Wail and have no idea it's being confused for Kryptonian blood. They were careless in training, and now, similar to that whole fiasco with Spetra and her hospital, Jazz was unable to control her temporary abilities.

Jack is just happy to be there and is unaware of any of his family members' delimas.

[elodieunderglass]

Having dug out the Unfinished Tales to reference a conversation Tolkien wrote between Gandalf and Pippin (but didn’t publish) I thought I’d share it. Gandalf is talking to Pippin about the history of Thorin’s company, hobbits and why he chose Bilbo.

This is evidence for the grand statement I just made about how Bilbo was intended to be a catalyst that changed his society, and that hobbit society was indeed significantly different after his journey, with large social changes occurring between The Hobbit and Fellowship. But it’s also a very funny passage to me so here it is:

‘And then there was the Shire-folk. I began to have a warm place in my heart for them in the Long Winter, which none of you can remember.

They were very hard put to it then: one of the worst pinches they have been in, dying of cold, and starving in the dreadful dearth that followed. But that was the time to see their courage, and their pity one for another. It was by their pity as much as by their tough uncomplaining courage that they survived. I wanted them still to survive.

(😭😭😭😭. Also the theme of having pity for each other is what redeems both Bilbo and Frodo re: Gollum.)

But I saw that the Westlands were in for another very bad time again, sooner or later, though of quite a different sort: pitiless war.

(This is possibly one reason why this passage didn’t make it to publication - Gandalf shouldn’t have had this much foreknowledge of the upcoming war of the ring.)

To come through that I thought they would need something more than they now had. It is not easy to say what. Well, they would want to know a bit more, understand a bit clearer what it was all about, and where they stood.

(It’s also explaining that Bilbo’s role in Thorin’s company was predetermined both by a more omnipotent Gandalf and by Fate; that Gandalf selected Bilbo to be a social catalyst, to return and provoke hobbit society into a more adaptable, resilient state; therefore increasing their chances of surviving.)

They had begun to forget: forget their own beginnings and legends, forget what little they had known about the greatness of the world. It was not yet gone, but it was getting buried: the memory of the high and the perilous. But you cannot teach that sort of thing to a whole people quickly. There was not time.

(Thus Bilbo was supposed to be changed, and return changed by his journey, to teach his people.)

And anyway you must begin at some point, with some one person. I dare say he was “chosen” and I was only chosen to choose him; but I picked out Bilbo.’

‘Now that is just what I want to know,’ said Peregrin. ‘Why did you do that?’

‘How would you select any one Hobbit for such a purpose?’ said Gandalf. ‘I had not time to sort them all out;

(He is SO funny)

but I knew the Shire very well by that time, although when I met Thorin I had been away for more than twenty years on less pleasant business. So naturally thinking over the Hobbits that I knew, I said to myself: “I want a dash of the Took” (but not too much, Master Peregrin)

(This is brilliant we are always BODYING pippin constantly. NOT TOO MUCH TOOK 👀. We were ROBBED not having this in canon )

“and I want a good foundation of the stolider sort, a Baggins perhaps.” That pointed at once to Bilbo.

(Eugenics! Observing them like laboratory mouse lines! Call him a Charles River BILB/o the way you’re genotyping these poor little bastards for your purposes)

And I had known him once very well, almost up to his coming of age, better than he knew me.

(??? Hiding in the bushes spying or…?)

I liked him then. And now I found that he was “unattached” – to jump on again, for of course I did not know all this until I went back to the Shire. I learned that he had never married. I thought that odd, though I guessed why it was; and the reason that I guessed was not the one that most of the Hobbits gave me: that he had early been left very well off and his own master.

(Was it cos he’s gay as fuck, Gandalf)

No, I guessed that he wanted to remain “unattached” for some reason deep down which he did not understand himself – or would not acknowledge, for it alarmed him.

(I 100% now and for always love a narrator in a constant state of Just Fucking Lies To Everyone All The Time, Giving Us Nothing, Acknowledging Nothing Including Himself. NOPE NOT PROCESSING ANYTHING TODAY THANKS. WE’RE CLOSED. COME BACK TOMORROW. just A Massive Liar about everything and for what!!! Bilbo Baggins my beloved you were born wrong.)

He wanted, all the same, to be free to go when the chance came, or he had made up his courage. I remembered how he used to pester me with questions when he was a youngster about the Hobbits that had occasionally “gone off ”, as they said in the Shire. There were at least two of his uncles on the Took side that had done so.’

You can see why I love this! And I can see why Tolkien didn’t include it, too. Still very fun passage and near enough to canon to be used if you ever want to.

[the-sage-libriomancer]

this post already made me insane but these tags are making me even fucking insaner. Mogami gave up as soon as it got hard and sunk so deep into the mud that no one could pull him out, but Reigen kept going and was able to stay afloat just long enough to be rescued. The odds of being saved from either situation were depressingly low, but Reigen never gave up hope the way Mogami did. he kept going. and because he put in that effort, he was found. he was found. do you understand. THE VERY ACT OF TRYING IS WHAT SAVES YOU.

I’ve always felt like something about the end of the Reigen Manga felt familiar and well I came to the realization

Reigen wondering into the woods to die alone after losing losing everything he had left because what he did that he thought was right was wrong while carrying the burden of dozens of spirits he meant to carry to save someone he cared about was really...

Oh