#and he said dont worry about it he will be fine
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Hii can I request John Walker (or Thunderbolts if u dont write for him) with a reader who like passes out if they overuse their powers?
tyy love ur headcanons!!
(I LOVE THIS!!)
john walker x reader
tags- losing consciousness, canon level action/violence, teammates to lovers, comfort, implied no olivia (doesn't affect anything)
word count- 1020
notes- I am a proud John Walker girl and i straight up giggled when i saw I’d gotten a request for him😭(also you’re so sweet!! thanks!!)
The first time it happened during a mission, John thought you DIED. Even days later, he was still thinking about the moment he saw you collapse to the ground. He had rushed to your side in the midst of all the chaos and started frantically trying to find your pulse. Yelena had to tell him repeatedly that this happens to you sometimes, and that you just overdid it and you were fine. John figured she'd laugh at him for "overreacting", but she didn't. Yelena understood, and neither of them ever addressed the tears that had been in his eyes.
That whole incident forced John to address the very real feelings for you that he’d started to develop. You're so attractive and smart, and every time you use your powers, John's just mesmerized by how cool you look. He thought about you all the time, and those 40 seconds he was convinced he had lost you were terrifying. He didn't want you pushing yourself too hard like that again.
He kept worrying that all the energy you were exerting was hurting you. Whenever you guys were on missions, he’d be constantly glancing over at you to make sure you were doing okay. Sometimes he'd step in to help if he felt like you were trying to take on too much at once, even if you were handling things just fine.
As helpful as that all was, you misinterpreted it as John making fun of you. One night while putting your gear away, you noticed him closely watching you, like he was ready for you to collapse at any moment.
"Oh, cut it out, Walker."
"What are you talking-"
"I'm sorry I slowed us down that one time, it won't happen again. Geez," you had said. When you turned to meet his eyes, though, you were floored by the amount of real concern in them.
Instead of arguing back like he always does, John just sort of wearily throws his hands up in surrender. "Sorry. I know you know what you're doing."
Things were different after that. You were both terrible at communicating with one another about your feelings. About 3 months later, you actually started being honest with each other and a relationship started!
Now, you don't feel like you always have to hide your affection or your concern for one another, because it's all out there in the open.
John is way more comfortable letting you know he worries about you than he was before. He has trouble with the words sometimes, but he shows it in little ways.
He washes your suit, awkwardly folds it, and leaves it on your bed the night before a mission. He fills up your water bottle and he makes sure you're getting enough to eat. He knows that if you overuse your powers, you'll pass out anyway and a balanced meal probably won't change that, but he figures it can't hurt. He's your biggest cheerleader, and everyone jokes that he's the one running the fan account they found that posts clips of you from the news and other public appearances. John says that “obviously” he doesn’t have time to run a fan account, but he does at least follow it.
Despite his constant reminders not to overdo it, it still happens. John’s always there to carefully scoop you up and take care of you for the rest of the day.
One night, you guys are way outnumbered, and John's trying to fight this guy who’s definitely been enhanced in some way.
John might be doing okay now, but he's getting tired and the man's started to get the better of him. He's far away from you, and this man is obviously powerful, so you're really going to need a lot of energy to hurl this guy out of the way. That's energy you don't really have.
More people are closing in on you and that man is starting to pummel John and the rest of your friends are getting ambushed too- it's too much. You know you’re running out of steam and now you're getting overwhelmed. You take a deep breath in, try to steady yourself, and you finish this. Your moves are intentional and carefully aimed in many directions, but anyone watching would just see one big burst of light that illuminates the dark street and ends the entire fight. When the dust settles, all of your adversaries are down, but so are you. You don't do that kind of thing often; it's too much at once, and it's too much on your body.
When you wake up, you're in the car, and John is tending to your injuries and Alexei high fives you, saying you did a great job.
You're injured, you can feel that, but you notice John's pretty roughed up, himself. "Are you okay?" you ask him quietly through a yawn.
"Oh yeah. I heal quickly, you know. That guy was just really strong. You're a lot stronger than I think you realize, too."
You wince upon hearing that, even though John's softly smiling at you and clearly not mad. "Yikes, sorry. I was hoping you wouldn't get caught in the crossfire."
He just kisses your forehead.
"Don't apologize. But stop overworking yourself... and don't do that move again, it was terrifying."
"Well, stop trying to take on the scariest people we run into, that's terrifying," you say as you reach for the first aid kit to patch up a long cut on John's face, but he gently swats your hand away.
"No, get more rest. I'm fine. Lay back down. It's a long drive."
You don't even try to argue with him on this one. You're exhausted.
You know how the rest of tonight will go, too. John will make sure no one wakes you up again for the rest of the car ride, and then he'll carry you back into the tower and gently set you down on your bed. He'll be there for you in the morning to help you with anything you might need help with. He'll always be there for you. No matter what.
#thunderbolts*#asks#mcu#thunderbolts x reader#x reader#john walker#marvel x reader#john walker x reader#us agent x reader#us agent#marvel
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We’re fucking done.
〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️🟧⬛️🟧⬛️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️
Synopsis: You get badly hurt in battle and kacchan says maybe you should quit being a hero as you keep getting hurt, have a nasty fight then break up. Meet up a year later at a reunion.
As you give the customer their change, they hesitate slightly and tell you they recognise you, asking if you used to be a pro hero at the Bakugo agency. You glance away, slightly embarrassed as you say they’re mistaken and that you get that a lot. As they apologise and leave, you shut up the shop, and start to clean down. As you’re sweeping the floors, your mind wanders to memories of the last time you saw Katsuki.
A harsh wind battered your face, as he stood over you, staring at you with disappointment and rage. You staggered to your feet blood pooling in your hands as they grasp at your waist, as he put your arm over his shoulder and helped you walk to his car.
“You can’t keep getting fucked up like this. There’s only so many times I can get to you just in the nick of time. I have to focus of catching the villains…I thought you were strong. What happened?!” His voice sharp and intrusive, you try not to let the tears well in your eyes, but his disappointment this time was heavier than usual. As he sat you in the passenger seat of his car, he knelt down and grabbed the bandages from the footwell and helped patch you up. “Maybe this hero shit isn’t for you anymore Yano….”
You snap your eyes to him, the tears finally falling down your cheeks, as your eyes widened.
“What the fuck….i know I fucked up, but giving up? Not a fucking chance.” You push his hands away as aggressively as your wounds would allow, and continue to wrap the bandages around yourself.
“Look, im not saying you’re shit… you just keep getting badly hurt, Iike its every fucking mission now. I….” His eyes dart to your hands as he tries to push them away but you slap his hand hard and continue to fix yourself. “Fine. Stubborn ass. Fix yourself.” He snaps, standing back up and slams the car door. You look out of your window and see him pacing angrily, muttering something to himself, pissing himself off further. As he climbs back into the car, the silence fills the air as if it’s taking the oxygens place, the only sound his grip tightening on the steering wheel. He drives you home, and as he stops outside, he doesn’t even turn to look at you as he speaks.
“Take some time off. Rest up, re-evaluate your fighting style then we can talk.”
You climb out of the car slowly, and as you’re about to shut the door you look back at him,
“Im done.” As you slam the door, he jumps out of his side and angrily walks over to you, placing his hands on your shoulders.
“What do you fucking mean you’re done? I just sai….” You interrupt him,
“We’re fucking done.”
His furrowed brow softens slightly as worry fills his eyes, you look back at him with an emotionless stare, and his gut clenches.
“What do you mea”
“Did that villain fuck your hearing?! I said WE’RE DONE. You dont get to decide if I get to carry on being a hero or not. You dont get to dictate my life. Not everyone can be the fucking best okay Katsuki. Just because I’m not the great fucking dynamite doesn’t mean im not good at what I do. You kick the villains ass and I save the civilians. It’s how it’s always been…but suddenly it’s not good enough for you? Suddenly im not…..good enough…” As the tears start to fog your vision, he tries to speak but you interrupt him with a sharp slap to the face. He doesn’t shout, he doesn’t slap back, he simply leaves.
And that was the last time you saw Katsuki Bakugo.
Shortly after your argument you get a letter through the post saying your position at Bakugo Agency had been terminated. You spent the next few months wallowing in self pity as you questioned your hero status, finally deciding to hang up your cape and call it quits. You spent the next year helping out at your fathers bakery, playing dumb when customers recognised you from tv, claiming to just slightly resemble the electric quirk hero, and that it was a frequent mistake everyone made. The sting of memories popping into your head at every mention of your previous hero name started to slowly fade as you tried to settle into your play pretend new life.
Until your phone rang as you finished up sweeping the floors, it was Denki from your UA days. He apologised for not reaching out more frequently since you guys had graduated from UA,but mentioned about a last minute reunion happening that night at the local bar. You decided not to reply as you sat staring at the list of attending names he sent. His name was there. Last on the list and with a question mark placed next to it. Your chest tightened as you felt your heart clawing its way up to your throat, a short snap of electricity pulsed from your fingers.
After debating the invitation for an hour or so, running every single possibility through your head, you decided to bite the bullet and go. You replied back that you would meet everyone there, and denki quickly replied with a selfie of him and kirishima apparently already at the bar, and tipsy. As you grabbed your coat and locked the shop up, you hesitated at the crosswalk, debating just going home and crying yourself to sleep, but looked back at the selfie denki sent and decided to push through and try have a nice time.
After a few drinks and reconnecting with a few of your old class mates, your anxiety lessened about him turning up, and for the first time in just over a year you finally felt happy, content. You walked to the bar to get you and denki another beer and stopped in your tracks as soon as you saw him turn around. He was wearing a dark red shirt with a black waist coat, and his hair looked even more precisely spiked. As he looked at you, his face tightened and his jaw clenched, he suddenly looked down to his feet. You’d never known him to avert his gaze, ever. As he walked up to you, you could feel your hand tighten around your glass, nearly shattering it in, as you took a deep breath, gearing up for an awkward passing ‘hi.’ He stopped right infront of you and looked up at you, his eyes soft and concerned, not an ounce of anger or fire remained behind them, for the first time in his life.
“You doing good?” His voice broke you. You could feel your heart screaming to punch him, to kiss him, to kick his fucking ass right here right now infront of everyone. Your mouth opened and a squeak emerged as your throat was tight, you cleared it and replied a simple ‘Yep. You?’ He looked down at his slightly trembling hand as he screwed it up into a tight first against his thigh. “Not really. What’s it’s been, a year or so now? That slap fucking hurt by the way.”
Your eyes widened at his lack of aggression, it made you uneasy when he was being this soft, at least when he was an asshole you knew how to deal with it.
“Yeah well. You deserved it. You broke my heart.” You look away, putting your glass on a nearby table.
“I broke YOUR heart? I was trying to help you. Trying to save you.” His voice hissed, cracking slightly as his aggressive tone crept back in.
“SAVE me?!” You snap back, your eyes filling with your annoyance as you try to calm yourself back down, and failing. He always knew how to get you riled up.
“Look….”he takes a deep breath, trying to defuse the situation, which was the EXACT OPPOSITE of his usual demeanour. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just…..I just wanted you to be safe. I couldn’t save you, you always ended up hurt, and I felt like it was always my fault. I wanted…fuck….i wanted a family with you. And each time I saw you nearly die, it felt like my dreams were being ripped away from me every single time….” You started to cry silently as you stared at him, bearing his soul to you, for the first time ever. His hand rubbing the back of his neck as he slowly brings his eyes up to you.
“Why didn’t you tell me.” You try to reply, your voice breaking as the lump in your throat grew bigger and bigger.
“You told me we were done, and if i couldnt make you happy, I wasnt going to force you to stay with me. If you were happier without me then so be it. As long as you were happy, I did what I had to do.” He brushes his thumb against your cheek, wiping some of your tears away, lingering his hand to your cheek just a little too long as he stared into your soul.
“You….wanted kids….” You reach your hand to his, holding it against your wet skin, crinkling your eyes tightly shut as you leaned into his warm palm.
“Of course I did you fucking idiot, look at you. You’re telling me our kids wouldn’t be god damn super models? Annoying little assholes but still, super models.” He smirked, tilting his head slightly, soaking in every inch of your face.
“Katz…” you say through a sniffle as you try to stop crying, a smile pinching at your lips. “I’ve fucking missed you.” He brings his other hand to your waist, pulling you close as he presses his forehead to yours. His burning hot skin feeling like a relief to your stone cold brow, a flame to a frozen survivor. As he let out a small laugh, he lifted your chin to meet his stare.
“Ive fucking missed you too, sparky. Every single day I’ve wanted to come by and apologise, beat the shit out of you for hanging up your hero clothes, wanting to kiss you and tell you how crazy you were, how crazy you made me….. How hot you look in that cute pink pinafore at work…”
“Stalking me now are you?” You chuckle as you lean your head closer to him, teasing your lips dangerously close to his,
“Who wouldn’t? You’re fucking crazy, but hot as shit. And….mine….” As soon as he said it, it felt more like an undying question rather than a demand, his soul asking to try again, anything to get you back into his arms for good.
“Best get practicing for that family then I guess, it has been awhile. Im worried you’ve forgotten how…” You tease, your smile widening and showing off most of your front teeth. His hand tightens around your waist, pulling you even closer into him, almost pushing the air from your lungs.
“Fucking try me. “ He growls, before pressing his lips to yours in a terrifyingly passionate way.
#mha smut#mha fluff#mha kirishima#mha fanart#mha#bnha denki#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugou x reader#bakugo katuski#bnha bakugou#bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugou#bakugo#katsuki x you#denki kaminari#bnha bakugo katsuki#kacchan#bakugou katuski x reader#katsuki bakugo mha#katsuki bakugou x reader#mha bakugo katsuki
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HAI HAI I AM A BIG FAN OF UR WRITINGS‼️‼️
I hope you're doing well and having a nice day! Can i request for a 1x1x1x1 x reader? Like, image during pre-forsaken, reader as shed's close friend and take care (or keep her company) of 1x4 for him (i apologize in advance if i dont get the lore right t_t) and after forsaken'd he and reader will have a reunion. I kinda prefer romantic more, but its up to you to decide!
Feel free to ignore this! Tysm <3
an: I really appreciate that you are big fan of my writings, and I hope you have a great day. I hope I got your ideas, and I just did a bit of romance on it. Thank you for your beautiful request, anon <3
𝘞𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘷𝘦
1x1x1x1 x Gn!Reader
tw: Mentions of violence, kidnapping, emotional manipulation, possessive behavior, and mild horror themes.

Shedletsky, your close friend, asked you to keep his creation, 1x1x1x1, company. You didn’t hesitate; you always wanted to help your best friend.
“I’m sorry I have to ask this of you,” Shedletsky said as he adjusted his coat. He was heading off to meet Builderman for a development project they’d been planning.
“No, it’s fine. I’m happy to help,” you replied with a smile.
Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a green figure with long white hair sitting quietly in a chair, looking like someone who had been forgotten.
“Well… thank you again,” Shedletsky said. Just as he was about to leave, he turned to you and added with a smirk, “Don’t worry, I’ll bring fried chicken when I get back.”
You closed the door behind him and walked toward 1x, who remained silent, his gaze lowered.
“Are you going to stay quiet?” you asked, glancing around the peaceful, quiet room. 1x didn’t respond, still staring at the floor.
“You know, I heard you and Shed don’t have the best relationship,” you said, standing up from your chair. “But he actually cares about you.”
Finally, 1x lifted his head and looked at you.
“He’s lying. He doesn’t show it,” he muttered.
Your smile faltered for a moment before you brought it back. “Even if he doesn’t show it, I know he cares. He just doesn’t like to show emotions openly.”
He looked at you again, as if your words had struck a chord.
“Don’t let those negative thoughts get to you, 1x,” you said with a soft smile.
A faint smile appeared on his face, and you noticed.
“How about some cake? I’ll bake one,” you said as you got up from your chair. “You can help me.”
He followed you into the kitchen, handing you ingredients as you worked.
Once the cake was in the oven, boom. A delicious chocolate cake was done. You both ended up eating it peacefully, laughing together as you comforted him with sweet words about him and Shedletsky.
You just wanted to keep him happy. And he was trying.
...
But everything changed.
Like an asteroid crashing down and wiping everything away.
You and Shedletsky were suddenly teleported to a strange place. A game, Shedletsky said. A survival game. The goal: survive.
You both managed to make it through a few rounds. Now, the next one was about to begin.
You looked up at the sky, wondering what had happened to 1x. You and Shed had vanished without warning, leaving him behind.
*Damn it,* you thought. *He must think we abandoned him.*
A loudspeaker crackled to life. The next round had begun.
You stayed close to Shedletsky, he was the only one you trusted here. You followed the others too, but staying near Shed felt safer.
Then, a sudden slash of a sword separated the two of you. Before you could run back to him, someone approached.
The killer.
“Go, Shed!” you yelled. He hesitated, but nodded and ran, just as you did, taking a different path.
You heard footsteps closing in. Before you could reach a nearby building, black tendrils wrapped around you and dragged you toward the killer.
You gasped when you saw a familiar green aura. Your eyes widened.
It was 1x.
But he looked... different. Dangerous.
He pulled you close, and you stared at him, shocked and worried.
“1x…” you whispered.
He lowered his sword and gently cupped your cheek. “I found you, my dove,” he said with a smile, sinister and unlike the gentle one you remembered.
“W-what happened to you?” you asked.
He chuckled, pulling you even closer. “You’re supposed to ask me if you missed me.”
You looked at him, confused, but yes, you had missed him. You hugged him, and he hugged you back. His white hair was longer now. You reached up to touch it gently.
He noticed and chuckled. “It grew out. I took your advice.”
You smiled faintly, remembering how you told him to grow it out. But your mind quickly returned to the present.
“Shed… he’s—”
“No. Don’t mention him,” 1x snapped, his expression darkening.
You blinked, confused. Before you could speak, someone appeared, another player. He raised his sword and knocked you out before you could react. The tendrils carefully lowered you to the ground.
As your consciousness faded, you watched 1x begin slaughtering the remaining survivors.
You wanted to stop him, but everything was going dark.
“Sleep, my dove. I’ll wake you when we’re alone… together.”
n: since I'll be limiting my Forsaken content, I'm going to fulfill the Forsaken requests that you send to me, thank you again for your request/ideas <3
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The poisoning potato eater
#he ate some potatoes and naturally i freaked out because the internet says they are highly toxic and even deadly.. so I called the vet#and he said dont worry about it he will be fine#catblr#petblr#cats of tumblr#sirstinksalot#caturday#kitty#pets#kittyposting#cute
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if i said i picked up this issue for anything but drunk erik i fear i'd be lying
(Wolverine (2020) #3)
#xmen#xmen comics#krakoa#magneto#ok fine logan can get a tag too. this IS his story after all ja/lkLAJVEAVKLJ#wolverine#snap scans#i should read the rest of this run but its like 47 issues i think so. gonna take some time with that#spliced up the panels so its easier to look at everything. and so i can frame drunk passed out erik on my wall#someone uploaded some of the first page some time ago but 1.) i forgot to rb it 2.) it didnt include the rest of the scene#it ESP didnt include erik fallin face first on the table and his lil sleepin face on the next page like please im gettin cuteness aggressio#im so miffed that these are printed on the same page cause i woulda framed this spread otherwise like PLEASE#this shit got me GIGGLING SO BAD i cant. 'dare i say it .......' he's so unnecessary i love him so much#he's so silly ..... also someone said it best in that whenever erik's drawn like a bug it's the best thing#like look at him. that's a beetle. that's my little beetle and i love him i need to put him in a terrarium and watch him#honestly theres a LOT of things i have scanned and wanna share however i have to do it. Reasonably so to speak#in that i dont want to accidentally drown out all my doodling with comic scans jvEALKVJEAKL#maybe i'll do it sandwich style ... art -> scan -> art -> scan etc etc#that does remind me i have a doodle i wanted to do today. so maybe ill do that and share another thing i got scanned ....#unfortunately i do very much love reading the comics. a troublesome thing cause theres so much i wanna share and talk about#like from this issue too i love how hank describes what charles' mutation feels like#its not a grand thing but i love it whenever charles' telepathy is described and how it effects him physiologically#maybe hank was just Theorizing what it feels like but still ... i love that insight so much .....#i'll share that quote another time- i prob won't scan the page cause it's just a text log but i will say it was from here dont worry#ok ive rambled long enough BYE im gonna go draw charles
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maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying
#you guys all missed the point of her development AND her and saiki's relationship development#like did you miss the parts where the only times he genuinely seems to not like something she does is when shes mean to other girls#and he still understands that she isnt a bad person for having bad thoughts in the private comfort of her mind#and besides... in this case she was literally just being a dramatic and insecure teenage girl LMAO#like dont fucking lie to me and tell me when you were her age you didnt have similar thoughts#youre worse than her if you lie about it while judging her for it#sorryyyy#she shouldve been MORE unhinged youre all just cowards#AND ALSO ? how can something even be 'mean' if its just a thought#thats like if u opened ur friends private diary without permission and then unfriended them over something they said in a random upset vent#and in this specific situation if u found out ur friend called someone a bitch because they liked the same person as her ??#LIKE THATS ?? its bad but its not as crazy as you guys make it out to be#shes allowed to be angry and insecure in the privacy of HER OWN MIND#idk if this makes sense but i just feel that her thoughts are more of a concern about her wellbeing than anything else#like she canonically is extremely kind to others even when she doesnt want to be so why are we worried about how she treats others.#theyre fine. im worried about HER.#and WHY her mindset is so negative... but u guys dont give a shit because u cant handle even a spec of complexity#sorry ive said all this before i just like to rant#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi#meows post
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I would love a drawing about how tiny Pete is compared to Travie, like, Travie scooping Pete up and carrying him around, doesn't have to be nsfw but I can think of sexy ideas of Pete being so tiny if you want
Hellloooooo did you know I love trete so much like so so so much like I made this a year or so ago
Anywhooooooo here ya go, I drew all of these with hearts in my eyes and I hope you can tell 💕

#tRETE MY BELOVED#slightly doxxing myself a lil whoopsie#if you know me no you dont please dont interact with my personal acct#but to be clear you can interact with my art insta no worries#anywyeas TRAVIE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND THEY ARE ALWAYS SO HAPPY AND AFFECTIONATE AND LOVING AND CUTE AND SEXY#and i know everyone wants travie to Dom because he's tall and said that thing about girls passing out but personally i think we need to even#it out with some subby travie#like he's suuuuuuuuuuuch a sweetheart we need more content of him being a big softie#pleeeeeaaaase give me more travie him and Pete are in love and that's just real and canon#i say as someone who draws peterick every chance i get#im a dirty dirty multishipper#decaydance is just a polycule it's fine#anyways#Pete#travie#art#request#trete#preh#preh Pete#preh travie#i love requests where i can just draw a few different ones to satisfy it
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"it was an effort to look good" Innie, buddy, you look good always without having to do all of that stuff, i promise.
#i.n does bring out some kind of older sister instinct within me like boy youre fine dont starve dont do excessive work outs#dont only eat chicken breast fried rice i promise youre lovely how you are#its why i cant compliment his cheekbones bc i know they're probably born from worrying behaviour and i'd prefer a lil round face#thats healthy but yk omg my idol has visible cheekbones and abs so lets all pretend he doesnt talk worryingly about his dieting on bbl 🤩#like i cant do it. cant give virtual pats on the back for it#like little mate you got off a long flight go chill and eat some italian food 😭#he even said he got dizzy :(
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ok im awake and pouring one out for varric nation
#datv#datv spoilers#i showed my bf who is not a dragon age gamer and he said and i quote: ''nah dont worry about it hes fine''#so if that helps? ❤️ CNFNFNDMKGJDMFKF
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Rest in peace Mateo, I'll miss you
#my cat mateo#the last photo is the last one i have of him the day he died.#as you can see he was not doing well#im just glad i was upstairs when he finally passed because i would have started bawling#he was the first cat my family got back on March 16 2017#we got him and Pepperoni at almost the same time (pepperoni came home the day after)#ive always talked about them being brothers even though theyre not related and now pepperoni has lost his brother#midnight has lost his brother and everyone else lost their uncle#the plan is to take him to my grandparents to bury him in their backyard#my brother is planning to make a marker for him#i am slightly worried for my brother because he has claimed Mateo as his for years and now hes gone#and he couldnt do anything to help him#he bought a bunch of jack daniels after he took mareo to the vet and they said there was little they could do#i cried holding pepperoni for like an hour at least last night#and i keep seeing Whiskey and thinking shes Mateo because they look kinda similar#mateo is sitting in a box on the back deck while we wait for it to warm up enough to dig his grave#hes wrapped up and hes got a can of food with him#i just dont know what to do#i keep being fine all day but then night comes and everything makes me think of him and i start crying again#i just wish i could have done something to ease his pain. to help him
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they rejected my application :(
#i mean i knew that they were going to. i literally do not have the degree they want#but sometimes it feels as if people in this field don't take me seriously because im young lol#like they assume that my experience just Does Not Apply because im not in my 40s#its fine. i never told anyone irl i applied for the job so i don't have to worry about that (ty past me) (i almost said it like 10 times)#when the time comes for me to REALLY start job hunting ill start taking rejections more personally but this was a good experience i think#them giving me a rejection at all and not just ghosting me was actually a huge relief tbh#am i supposed to respond to the rejection email? i guess i will?#dont burn your bridges etc#it feels a little weird saying ty for the opportunity when they didn't even interview me#but this whole corporate bullshit is just empty tradition at this point so whatever#anyway the GOOD news is that my really big name reference told my current boss (as a joke but still) that he wanted to steal me from her#he works for the state which would be an INCREDIBLE opportunity if he was in any way serious#so when the time comes ill be casually mentioning to him that im job hunting and we'll see where it goes#literally every conference ive been to people know his name and ask where he is so im hoping he will have enough pull to let a fresh grad in#two different people (both also rather big names in the field) have told me that he thinks really highly of me#and while working with him was a little bit like pulling teeth i don't really have the option to be choosy rn lol#anyways. im disappointed but not surprised#it was a remote position too :( oh well
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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uh oh the metaphorical doctor in my head is getting mean
#blue chatter#tw dieting mention#tw body image mention#last time I went to the doc my pcp said he was rly worried about my BMI#despite my blood work being fine and experiencing no health issues about it#my blood pressure’s great#my cholesterol levels are fine#but he really wanted me to join the weight loss program they have and go on a restrictive diet#because number too big#and now when I eat more than one big meal a day I start worrying that number go up and I’ll have to get that talk again#and the little siren in my head is screaming NO BAD DONT FEED INTO THAT THATS HOW U GET AN ED#anyway these two little parts of my brain have been duking it out for hours and now it’s midnight and I haven’t eaten dinner#so I’m going to make dinner. out of spite. and then go to bed at 1am probably.#it’s not like I have to get up for anything tmr it’s both summer and the weekend
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yk I felt really bad about this whole thing at first but looking back I think maybe I dodged a bullet
#its not about me being mean anynore its actually about me repeatedly expressing discomfort and him not listening to me#and then me having to deal with 500 'im so sorry if i made you uncomfortable! im just the worst 😔' text messages#and like. i know i always said not to worry about it#but that doesnt mean keep doing it#yk#cause like id see him in school and hed hug me and shit which i fucking hated#and hed be like oh youre the best your so understanding ive never met anyone like you etc etc etc#and then the whole#'omg did me hugging you make you uncomfortable?? im so sorry omg!!'#post posting#yeah. realizing this is actually the only way i couldve gone about this#qnd the worst part is one of my best friends told me that a lot of her friends dont like him etc etc#and obviously i asked why cause a lot of people dont like me and im not gonna judge people based on random ass rumors#and she wouldnt tell me until i was already in to deep#like if she had just told me from the beginning i wouldnt be in this mess 😭#its all good though#im p sure he hates me but im genuinely fine with that
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#im like.... not ruining things by not texting more often am i#like i havent messaged him in 2 weeks. i have nothing to say JDJDJJDJDMDDDMMD#not like hes messaged me either JDJSJDJDJJDJD. god. id say i wish id picked a chattier guy but i wouldnt like that HDNDJJDJDD#i like that he only talks when he has something to say NDJDJDJDMDM. GOD.#hhhh whatever. the more time we spend together.... the more we'll have to talk about..... i shouldnt be worried ....#but then like even if we end up having nothing in common in terms of like hobbies and interests. thatd be okay. i just like being around him#n like i was talking to my mom n she said that her n my dad dont really have anything in common either and theyre fine so JDJDJJDJDJ#im getting so Ahead lmao#that post about enjoying transition periods.... ya. gotta keep that in mind....#bc like idk......... thingsll work out....#personal
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I think a 10yo just got attached to me in genshin and if this keeps up its gonna make me not wanna play cuz I don't wanna come off as mean if I have to tell her to give me some space, but I wanna play in peace ya know?
#she came into my world i think saturday night or sunday morning. thats how long i played. and chatted for a minute then left#then the second i logged on this morning she immediately hopped in and started calling me Ed#and she was asking questions and im polite so i answered and she was like you can ask me questions#and since she asked how old i was i asked back snd she was all uh um well im 10#and thats fine to me cuz im not gonna be a weirdo anyway#but then she asked if i had a wife and i said no im not interested in girls so thats probably when she was sure i was a safe adult#and someone else joined and she dm'ed me that she didnt like him and right after he left so did she#and when i opened my world back up later she immediately popped in again#and wanted me to go to whatever a playstation party is while i was doing a quest and i had to politely tell her no twice#and then it segwayed into material hunting with her so i could still do something productive in game at least#but at one point she called me her bff and started talking about how she just got a phone#and im worried she may end up asking for my number or something. like hell nah#like. im all for being friendly and playing a game together and casual chatting. again. i have no intention of EVER being a weirdo#but shes coming off as immediately REALLY attached and i dont need to be going through shit like that again#ive had people get REALLY attached to me in some games previously and not leave me alone while im trying to play#and then they blow up at me when i ask for some space. so i dont wanna deal with that again#especially from a 10yo. i really dont wanna upset anyone by rejecting them or asking for space#but sometimes its too much and i just wanna do what i want in the game#and i kinda really dont wanna have a 10yo tailing me the whole time i wanna play#especially cuz shes 10 ya know? friends are cool but im a little too old to be a bff to her imo#i think i'll just try keeping my world closed when i log off so i wont log on and she immediately pop in first thing#i dont wanna block her off completely cuz i dont mind if she comes by every once in a while. just not all the time ya know?#personal
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