#and he mentioned that all those with the mark (who is literally everyone apparently???)

[bazelgeuce]

Is it just me or have boomer christians lost their minds

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗠𝗘𝗗𝗜𝗨𝗠 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟

　　　　　　　　　𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

SUMMARY: Where Y/N is a medium and Matt's girlfriend. She is invited to participate in the collab between Sam & Colby and the Sturniolo Triplets but ends up being targeted by ghosts all night.

WARNING: Paranormal, supernatural, ghosts, mediumship.

REQUESTED?: No.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

A/N²: Another version of this same "universe" that I wrote.

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"Guys, today we have some very special guests. You literally spent months asking us to do a collaboration with them." Colby said as he walked through the Driskill Hotel Hall with Sam at his side holding the camera. "The Sturniolo Triplets and Y/N!" The brunette finished, pointing to the four mentioned while the camera lens focused on them.

The duo had just finished their initial presentation of the channel and the place where they were, happy to finally do something that their fans had asked for so much.

"Are you guys excited?" Colby asked, clasping his hands in front of his chest as he looked at them with excitement on his features.

"Super excited." The triplets responded at the same time, smiling broadly.

"Very!" Y/N responded from beside Matt, her left hand rested on the brunette's covered back while Matt's right arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"Are you guys scared, nervous, or just excited?" Colby asked again, looking briefly at the camera.

"I'm scared." Chris responded quickly, his hands resting on his waist.

"I'm terrified." Nick admitted without reservation, receiving laughter from everyone there.

"I'm super excited, a little nervous, but super excited." Y/N spoke, nodding as a smile spread across her face.

"We wanted to ask this to you specifically. You're a medium, right?" Sam asked from behind the camera, adjusting it in his hands so that the lens caught the four of them and Colby, but with the focus on Y/N.

"Yes I am." The girl nodded.

"She's Lorraine Warren herself." Nick interrupted, pointing briefly at Y/N with his left hand.

"It's not that big of a deal, Nick." She rolled her eyes, not holding back her smile when she saw the boys laughing at the oldest of the triplets' joke.

"But you're good, right? We watched some videos and podcasts of the triplets, and they commented a few times in them about you being a medium." Colby took the lead, looking at her carefully, hoping she could help them with the investigation of that video.

"She is great." Matt spoke before Y/N could open her mouth, carrying a big smile on his face and a proud look in his eyes.

"I don't consider myself great." The girl rolled her eyes at her boyfriend's comment, feeling her cheeks heat up. "I've always had this 'power'." She made the quotation mark gesture with her hands. "I can see, hear, and feel. I remember that when I was a child, I didn't understand anything, and I was scared to death, especially because people said that only I could do those things, I felt crazy. Until my mother took me to my grandmother when I was 9 years old, and they explained it to me together. My grandmother was a great medium, and apparently, that passed on to me." She explained briefly.

"So you can do all three? And you have control over them?" Sam asked from behind the camera again.

"It depends on what the spirit or demon wants. I can feel anything, both energy and proximity. As for hearing or seeing, it depends on whether the spirit wants me to see or hear them. But when they want, I do all three perfectly, everything becomes very clear to me, as if they were really there in the flesh." Y/N explained, receiving nods from Nick and Chris, who were next to her paying attention to her words, even though they already knew that.

"And how do you react to that? You live together, right?" Colby turned to the brothers, bringing their attention to them.

"Yes, we always knew that Y/N was a medium since we all grew up together in Boston. When we moved in together after moving to LA, we not only knew, but we started living it." Nick began explaining, his eyes going from his brothers to Sam and Colby.

"Yes, she never went into much detail about what she saw or heard because we were always a little scared-"

"You're all pussy's." Y/N cut Chris off, releasing the sentence with a smirk on her face. Colby laughed loudly, shaking his head.

"Thank you, my love." Matt scoffed, getting a "your welcome" in return.

"It has become normal for us to be talking to her, and out of nowhere, she looks at a specific point that, for us, has nothing. Or she stops paying attention to what we are saying to listen to something that someone from beyond is saying." Chris continued after rolling his eyes at his sister-in-law, already used to her jokes.

"Yes, it's scary. Sometimes, she wakes up in the middle of the night and stares into space, sitting on top of our bed. I just pull the blanket over my head and pretend I'm not seeing it happening." Y/N slapped Matt's arm after his comment, muttering a "best boyfriend ever".

"Do you think you'll be able to capture the movements here well?" Colby turned to her, looking at her with a curious look.

"I hope so. I'm hopeful that they will be open to me and show me what I need to know." Y/N nodded, breaking into a smile.

Matt moved his right hand down to Y/N's left, intertwining their fingers and caressing his girlfriend's soft skin with his thumb, knowing how much she was looking forward to the video and wanting to feel helpful, even if she didn't need to be a super medium for this.

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The six were now standing near the staircase where Samantha had apparently died after chasing a ball and tripping, rolling down the stairs.

Sam was standing on the second step while Matt and Chris were on the left side of the staircase, Matt leaning on the handrail, and Nick on the right side as they listened to the blonde's explanation.

Y/N was a little further away, Sam's voice was muffled to her while her ears picked up indecipherable whispers from all sides, as if many people were trying to ask for help, explain what happened at the hotel and sending hateful comments at the same time.

Matt's presence approaching her broke her from her trance, making her look up at him, seeing his worried expression.

"Is everything okay, baby?" He asked in a low voice, not wanting to attract the attention of the others.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to get a feel of the environment." Y/N responded in the same tone of voice, smiling softly, trying to calm her boyfriend and herself.

She was already used to seeing and hearing spirits since she had done it all her life, but this experience was different from any other she had ever had.

Nick looked at her momentarily, asking her if she was okay with just a move of his lips, receiving a nod in return.

Y/N decided to get closer to the others so she could focus on their main mission there, receiving answers from the spirits through the lanterns.

"Samantha, are you the only one up here on the stairs?" Matt asked after the boys asked several questions, his right hand holding Y/N's, trying to convey comfort.

"No." Y/N replied seconds before the red flashlight turned on, receiving looks from the five on her.

"Do you see any other ghosts up here?" Sam asked, watching Y/N's reactions carefully.

"Yes, I can't see them all clearly. Many are blurred, but I can see at least three up here, besides Samantha." The girl explained, briefly pointing to the spots where she saw the three aforementioned ghosts before turning her attention to the boys.

"Can you see Samantha?" Chris asked, raising his eyebrows, his blue eyes wide in curiosity.

"No, she doesn't want me to see her. But I feel her... Here." Y/N counted, closing her eyes briefly before pointing to a specific spot between Colby and Nick.

Nick looked at the indicated spot, moving away and going to Matt and Chris' side, feeling shivers run up his spine. Colby focused the camera on there, as if waiting for something to reveal itself to the lens.

Matt looked up at his girlfriend, watching her carefully, trying to make sure she was okay.

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The six were now on the mezzanine, ready to stand in front of old mirrors, which were very expensive, while they tried to call for spirits through them, specifically for Carlota.

"Hey Carlota, we have five men here, but only four are single, and one of them is off limits." Matt began, looking around briefly as his right arm held Y/N close to him by her waist, not wanting to lose sight of her in the dark of the room.

Colby and Chris began to say pick-up lines into the air as they looked around blindly, causing Y/N to laugh. She couldn't believe they were actually doing that.

The scent of roses intensified around the group, making the girl divert her attention from the boys and also look around, looking for a source of the smell.

An intense tug on her hair made her take a step back, her hands flying to the spot as if she was trying to feel someone there, turning around abruptly.

"What was that?" Colby asked, stopping in the middle of one of his nonsensical pick-up lines.

"Someone pulled my hair." Y/N responded quickly, keeping her gaze firmly on the space where she felt a presence.

Matt turned to look at where his girlfriend was looking, keeping his hand in contact with her body, wanting to make sure she was still there.

"Are you sure that-" Chris began, stopping mid-sentence when he saw Y/N stumble forward, causing Matt's hand to lose contact with her body.

"Why don't you appear in front of me instead of pushing me around, Carlota?" Y/N spoke out loudly, her tone angry while her eyes rolled across the room, feeling several presences and trying to look for Carlota among them.

"Wow, calm down, baby." Matt asked, moving closer and touching her shoulder, only to have Y/N pushed to the side again.

It was obvious that that spirit, Carlota, if Y/N's intuition was right, didn't like the girl there for some reason. This was made clearer by the fact that she only pushed Y/N but didn't even touch the others.

"Are you sure it's Carlota?" Sam asked from behind the camera, zooming in on the lens and moving it so the camera captured the entire place.

"I can't see her, but I feel her presence. And it would make sense. She likes to be pampered and praised by men, having another woman in the same room as her might offend her." The girl explained.

"Or make her feel threatened." Nick added, receiving a nod from Y/N, who was still looking at specific points in the room.

"Get out." A whisper echoed directly against the girl's right ear, making her turn around abruptly, seeing only the female silhouette for a few seconds, before it disappeared like smoke.

Matt approached Y/N quickly as he saw her begin to show her nervousness, wrapping his arm around her waist firmly again, marking his territory and taking on a serious expression, looking around as if confronting whatever was there.

“You are not allowed to touch Y/N.” Matt stated, his voice echoing in a serious tone, tightening his grip on the curve of his girlfriend's waist.

The six stood in silence for a few minutes, waiting for something to happen again, but nothing happened.

"Matt took a firm stance, which probably proved to Carlota, or whoever was doing it, that they shouldn't touch Y/N." Colby explained to the camera. "If it worked so quickly, it probably means you have an aura similar to mine." He turned to Matt, who looked back at him with a confused look, not understanding what that meant.

"It is said that the spirits are afraid of Colby because he has a very "firm" aura, which scares them and makes them obey him." Sam explained, lowering the camera a little so he could get a better look at the couple.

"That explains why the manifestations at home lessen when Matt is around me." Y/N contemplated, bringing her right hand to Matt's left on her waist, stroking the area lightly in gratitude.

Colby resumed his explanation of what they would do in the room after noticing that nothing else would happen to Y/N, focusing his attention on the camera lens.

Matt brought his face closer to the top of his girlfriend's head, sealing his lips in the area for a few seconds, before moving away and exhaling the smell of shampoo and perfume that Y/N exuded, calming himself down.

"You guys are so cheesy." Nick interrupted their moment with a smile on his face, getting closer to feel some sense of comfort.

Y/N just laughed as she rolled her eyes, resting her head on her boyfriend's covered chest, feeling grateful to have him there to protect her.

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"Do you want to do it yourself?" Sam asked Matt.

Matt and Sam had just gotten out of the elevator after doing the ritual, which brought no results. The boys that stayed behind were surprised, saying that the ritual lasted just a few minutes, less than they expected.

Y/N was next to Nick, looking carefully inside the elevator as if expecting something to appear there, but there weren't even any traces of ghosts, which left her confused.

Matt looked at Sam for a few seconds after his question, shrugging as if to say, "I'm already here, why not?"

"Babe, can I come with you?" The girl's voice sounded among the group, making everyone look at her briefly.

Matt nodded quickly, feeling relief fill his heart, knowing that he wouldn't have to do it alone anymore. He raised his left hand in the air, waiting for his girlfriend to take it, intertwining their fingers tightly.

"What if you never come back?" Nick began, making Y/N roll her eyes.

"I promise I'll bring him back intact." The girl interrupted the drama. "I'm Lorraine Warren, remember? I'm going to protect my Ed Warren." She added, making everyone laugh.

"Send me the numbers." The brunette asked, looking at Sam as he fished his phone out of his jeans pocket.

The couple entered the elevator, Matt holding the camera in one hand and his phone in the other.

"Don't forget to say "take me to another world"." Sam remembered before the doors closed, the two of them repeating the words being the last thing he heard.

"Okay, let's do this." Matt unlocked his phone screen, opening the messaging app and clicking on Sam's chat, seeing the texts with the numbers.

Y/N read over her boyfriend's shoulder before leaning over and clicking the button for the first floor, taking a deep breath.

"Are you okay, baby?" Matt asked in a low voice, arranging the camera in his hands so that the lens framed the two of them before turning his head to look at her.

"Yeah, just nervous." Y/N began, turning to face her boyfriend while putting on a nervous smile, cracking her fingers in an act of anxiety. "It's just been too much, I've never felt so many presences at the same time."

"I know, baby. I'm here-"

Matt stopped mid-sentence when the elevator door opened, the two of them turning to the it quickly, their eyes traveling down the hallway, scanning the place.

A sigh escaped Matt's lips when nothing happened, his hands relaxing and the camera moving slightly as he leaned in to click the next button.

He reread the texts sent by Sam before putting away his phone, taking his free hand to Y/N's shoulders and pulling her close, the warmth of her body calming him.

"You're brave today. I like this new Matt." The girl commented a few seconds later, looking up, her eyes meeting the blue ones she loved so much. Matt smirked, lowering himself momentarily, sealing his lips over Y/N's forehead.

The two remained in that position, their heartbeats accelerating each time the elevator doors opened again, before they relaxed when nothing happened.

Until the fifth floor, where supposedly a "lady" should enter the elevator. Y/N stood still when the doors opened, the hair on her arms stood up and her heart seemed to freeze for a few seconds before speeding up, feeling like her entire body trembled with each beat.

"Matt." Her voice sounded broken and weak. "She... She's right there." Y/N muttered, raising her right arm and pointing out of the elevator. Her gaze seemed to be glazed over.

Matt swallowed hard, tightening his hand around his girlfriend, wanting to make sure she didn't leave his side. He arranged the camera so that the lens was focused outside, although neither he nor the camera were capturing anything.

"She's not coming in. Something seems to be stopping her. But she's so angry." The girl said, her voice full of emotions, looking like she was about to cry.

"Alright, that's enough. Let's go back." Matt interrupted, leaning in and clicking the button to go down, placing himself in front of his girl, with the intention of protecting her or taking her attention away from the figure.

The elevator began to slowly close, the doors appearing to be held by something.

When it finally did, Matt turned to Y/N, lowering the camera momentarily and focusing all of his attention on her.

"Baby, are you with me? Are you back?" The boy asked in a low, soft voice, afraid of scaring her even more. His blue eyes looked into his girlfriend's, hoping to see them come into focus again.

Y/N blinked repeatedly before finally looking at Matt.

"Yes, I-I'm sorry." She asked, her voice coming out weak. She closed her lips in a thin line, trying to hold back the post-adrenaline crying.

"Hey, don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. Are you okay, baby? I just need to know this." The brunette was worried, he felt his heart tighten at his girl's features, and if he could, he would pass on everything she saw and felt to himself, just to spare her from all that.

"Now I am. I promise." The girl responded, nodding her head and offering him a small smile.

The sound of the elevator doors opening interrupted them, making Matt turn his back to Y/N and face the boys waiting for them, Colby already with his camera in hand and the lens focusing on the inside of the place.

"Wow, don't tell me you guys were- Wait, is everything okay?" Nick started the joke, believing that they would be kissing due to their position, but stopping in the middle of it when he noticed the expressions on Y/N's face.

"Y/N saw the "lady" who was supposed to enter the elevator on the fifth floor." Matt said, taking his girl's hand and guiding her out of it carefully.

"What?"

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The group was now in room 525, ready to do the Estes Method.

Y/N was sitting on the edge of the bed, next to Matt, and facing the chair where the other two brothers would do the method. She had a soft smile on her face as she saw her boyfriend and brothers spouting barbs, creating a pleasant atmosphere, before Nick and Chris got under.

The girl kept her eyes glued to the duo, refusing to look around her despite hearing whispers. The words that Nick and Chris repeated, she could hear seconds before, sometimes even phrases, but she didn't want to pay attention to the ghosts there. Y/N wanted to know what they wanted them to know, and she would only get it if she heard what Chris and Nick heard.

The words came disconnected and fast. It seemed like the two were in an argument, often even complementing each other's phrases.

"Y/N." Nick spoke suddenly, his nose wrinkling under the red blindfold as if trying to understand where that came from, or hear better what it meant.

Matt quickly brought his right hand to Y/N's left thigh, maintaining direct contact with her as he kept his eyes fixed on Nick, a serious expression on his face.

"Unwelcome here." Chris spoke next.

Colby felt his fingers on the camera shake slightly. He knew well what was happening here, having already been through the same situation with Sam and their psychic friend, Amanda. He looked at Y/N with a worried expression, followed by Sam, who went over and sat on the bed next to the girl.

Matt pressed his fingers over his girlfriend's covered skin, taking a deep breath. He couldn't believe this was really happening.

"Yeah, it seems like the ghosts hate me." Y/N spoke with a nervous smile, letting out a low laugh, trying to calm the tense atmosphere that had settled.

She finally looked up and around the room, easily finding the ghost who had said that.

The "lady" from the elevator was next to Chris, staring at her with the same anger as before, showing her hatred for the girl's presence there. It was obvious that she didn't want Y/N in her hotel, but no one there understood why.

"Out."

"Her."

"Now."

"What the hell?" Y/N exclaimed milliseconds after Chris said the last word, turning around abruptly when she felt something grab her arm and let go seconds later, but curiously, her eyes didn't catch anything.

"Okay, I think that's good for now." Sam said after seeing her reaction, getting up from the bed and touching Nick and Chris, making them take off their headphones and blindfolds.

"Apparently, I'm unwelcome here." Y/N was the first to speak after getting the attention of the other two brothers. "Something just touched me, I swear."

"I just don't understand. Why would they try to attack Y/N? It doesn't make sense." Matt asked, turning to Colby in hopes of him having an answer, as he moved closer to Y/N on the mattress, trying to give her some reassurance.

"I don't know, sometimes spirits just choose one person to terrorize or attach to, and only they know why. Sam went through something similar once." Colby explained, pointing briefly at the blonde, who nodded.

The girl sighed, it's obvious that they would choose her, after all she could see and hear them. She looked around the room again, drowning out the sound of the boys' voices. Her attention was drawn to the bathroom, which had its door opened by Matt earlier.

She felt a presence there. It certainly wasn't evil, and it seemed to be calling for her, as if it needed her to come in there.

"Guys, why don't we try again, but in the bathroom?" Y/N interrupted Nick's sentence - without even knowing what he was saying -, turning to the boys with a firm look.

"Baby, are you sure? I think we're past your limit." Matt asked, uncertainty settling into his gaze as his blue eyes ran over his girlfriend's features, as if searching for any sign of fear there, but finding nothing but firmness.

"I'm sure, I feel like there's something there that needs to talk to us."

Minutes later the six had organized themselves in the small bathroom; Colby was standing in the bathtub while Matt sat on the edge of it, Nick was sitting on the closed toilet and Chris was leaning on the sink, both looking at his brother. Sam was standing in the doorway, still with the camera in hand, while Y/N was sitting on the floor, between Matt's legs and looking up, her eyes focused on her boyfriend's blindfold covered face.

Y/N had her right hand on Matt's thigh, caressing the skin carefully, trying to reduce the boy's anxiety and nervousness, knowing that despite him trying to be thought, he was afraid of what might happen, or if he would even be able to hear anything.

"A very deep breath." Matt spoke for the first time after going under, his voice coming out loud before mimicking the breath he heard.

Y/N frowned, looking around but seeing nothing. Seconds later, she felt goosebumps run down her arm and a wind on her right side, as if something had passed there and settled next to Matt.

"Love." Matt got the first word out.

"Is that why you're here? Because you love the hotel?" Sam asked from behind the camera.

"Couple."

"Are there any couples here with us?" Colby asked, pinching his lips with his fingers as he tried to think of possibilities, but there was no response from the boy.

“Are you referring to Y/N and Matt?” Chris asked suddenly, causing Y/N to look at him quickly, her eyes wide.

"Beautiful."

"Do you think they're both beautiful together?" Nick asked this time, resting his left foot lightly against Y/N's thigh, trying to keep her calm.

"Angry."

"Are you angry because they are a beautiful couple?" Sam asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Room."

"Wait, that makes sense. There was a woman in the room while Nick and Chris were doing the Estes Method, it was the same lady from the elevator, and she was very angry about something, just like she was when I saw her in the actual elevator." Y/N explained, lifting her head and briefly looking at Colby, who carried a concentrated look. "She was staring at me with hatred, as if I had done the worst thing in the world."

"Angry."

"Wow, that's the fourth time tonight that the same word has been repeated." Colby murmured, his eyes wide.

"Is the woman in the room mad that Matt and I are a couple?" Y/N asked with uncertainty in her voice. She didn't understand why a many years old ghost would be angry at their relationship.

"Envy."

At that moment, Y/N felt a new presence in the bathroom, as if something had left the room and entered there, it being filled with hatred. The girl looked up and saw the same woman, this time closer, looking at her with the same look as before, but for some reason she didn't try to touch Y/N, or she couldn't.

"She's-" Y/N's sentence was cut off by Matt, who repeated words again.

"Touch. Hurt. Y/N." Matt spoke the words without pause, his hands flying to the headphones and quickly taking it off, followed by the blindfold. "No, you can't touch her. She's not yours." Matt growled angrily, standing up and pulling Y/N by her arms, making her stand beside him, before pulling her tightly to his side and wrapping his arm protectively around her shoulder. "You're not allowed to touch any of us, especially her." The boy finished, his blue eyes traveled around the bathroom, as if he was trying to find where the entity was.

"What the fuck dude?" Sam quickly lowered the camera, looking at everyone there in shock.

Chris and Nick took a rigid stance, as if they were ready to help their brother if necessary, despite there being nothing they could do against a ghost.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Nick turned, looking at her with careful eyes, trying to read the girl's expressions.

"Yeah, she didn't actually touch me, but it was intense... I'm just scared. At least she's not here anymore." Y/N sighed, leaning into Matt, who patted her shoulder affectionately.

"That was crazy man. I didn't think the night would turn into this." Colby muttered, stepping out of the tub.

"It's okay, it's over now." Matt whispered in Y/N's ear, embracing her into his arms. She took a deep breath, breathing Matt's scent in, calming her nerves down.

The ghosts really hated her.

[suskz]

Can you write Bang Chan manhandling Felix?

Yours | Chanlix

pairings: Chanlix, (also Jeonglix, mentioned Hyunin and poly!skz)

w/c: 3.3k

t/w: smut ; fluff at the end ; butt plug ; crying ; exhibitionism kink (no exhibitionism) ; kinda fwb i guess?? ; blowjob ; facefucking ; manhandling ; semi-public sex ; mirror sex ; daddy kink (quick, act surprised!) ; slight dacryphilia ; pet names (baby, puppy) ; degradation (and names) ; praise ; coming untouched ; coming inside.

a/n: anon, i don’t know who you are, but just know that I love you. I hope you enjoy!

18+, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Chan can imagine him: sprawled out on the bed, head thrown back, long hair messy against the pillow, eyes half-closed and tear-filled, cheeks and ears flushed, fists gripping the sheets desperately.

He can’t see him, though.

He can hear his sobs, his voice muffled —probably by Jeongin’s hand— his sounds no longer hoarse as they were at first but higher-pitched and whimpery.

He can hear the sound of their bodies slapping together and Felix’s pleas to slow down or go faster, harder. He’s always so indecisive, his baby.

His loud moans are always so difficult for him to hold back —and he’s always so cute trying; tiny hands rushing to cover his mouth, teeth biting his shirt, or his face buried into the pillow—, and everyone in the house can always hear them. Not that they have any complaints.

Like Chan, Minho, and Jisung at the moment, sitting on the couch; the only others in the apartment besides the other two.

They were supposed to be working on a song's lyrics, but it became quite difficult once Felix’s high cries started echoing.

Minho and Jisung made excuses to leave, coming up with something about needing to go shopping because some things are missing at home —nonsense, Seungmin went grocery shopping two days ago. Chan knows full well that they’re just turned on and need to help each other out.

He stays there, seated in front of the coffee table with all the sheets still scattered around, painfully hard in his pants the entire time, until the sounds come to an end, and then Chan has to go, too.

He’s so aroused from hearing all those pretty sounds from the blond and really needs to fuck him, making him go dumb until his brain can’t think about anything but the man on top of him and the only word falling from his lips is Chan’s name.

But he’s just been fucked, and Chan would feel so guilty for having his turn right after. The little one would be so tired.

But what’s to stop him the next day, seeing Jeongin so touchy with Felix?

Chan isn’t the jealous type, and he could never be jealous of Jeongin —besides, Felix isn’t just his, but everyone’s.

But something clicked in him seeing how Jeongin spent all practice sticking as close as possible to Felix: how he hugged him from behind in front of the mirror during the break, how his arm rested on Felix’s shoulders while Minho explained a dance move, or how the blond’s head leaned on the younger’s chest on the couch while the latter had an arm around his waist.

Chan isn’t the jealous type; it’s just that he feels the need to mark him as his, to show the others who he truly belongs to.

Nothing stops him from holding Felix back a little longer in the practice room while everyone else leaves.

Chan’s eyes fixate on the point where Jeongin’s lips meet Felix’s before they part, and Hyunjin seems to be observing the same thing —oh, Jeongin is fucked, literally.

Once everyone is out and the door closes, Felix turns to Chan, who is apparently sorting some papers, “What’s up?”

“I heard you and Jeongin yesterday, while Minho, Jisung, and I were trying to work on the song.” He says directly, and he can feel Felix’s eyes widen, even if he can’t see him.

“U-uh, I’m sorry,” the younger fidgets with his fingers. “I couldn’t keep my voice down.” He says in a lower tone, embarrassed and guilty for having disturbed them.

Chan turns in his direction, and when he sees the blond, his eyes seem to darken. He steps closer, “You know, we couldn’t get anything done yesterday, because of the noises.”

Felix is about to apologize again, but he’s interrupted, “You got me so hard I couldn’t concentrate anymore.”

These words go straight to the younger’s cock, which twitches with pride at knowing he had aroused Chan.

Chan stops in front of him and threads a hand through his hair, “You need someone to remind you how to behave.” He grabs the long blond strands and pulls his head back.

Felix lets out a moan at the sudden action.

“Slut.” Chan comments harshly, pulling the younger’s face closer to his by his hair.

He notices Felix’s eyes flick nervously to the door for a moment. Chan softens his voice just for a second, “None of the staff will come in for another 30 minutes,” he whispers. “Now get on your knees.” He releases his hair, and Felix drops to his knees.

As he realizes he’s semi-hard in his pants, he hears the metallic sound of a belt unbuckling and a zipper being pulled down.

Chan lowers his pants just enough to pull out his cock, already starting to harden. He holds it in his hand and rubs the tip against Felix’s lips, who looks up at him and sticks out his tongue, just like he was taught.

Chan rests the tip on his tongue and moves his hips back and forth for a few seconds, rubbing himself against the wet muscle. Felix feels so helpless and unwanted, the need to be used growing inside him.

When he pulls back, Felix lets out a whine, “I want to suck your cock, please. Let me put it in my mouth, I’ll make you feel so good-” Felix knows how much Chan likes it when he begs, but he gasps in surprise when his cock slaps his cheek.

“I don’t want to hear any whining out of your mouth, understood?” Another slap, and this time his own cock responds, leaking a bead of precum in his boxers, which now feel so tight.

“Sorry.” Felix apologizes so sweetly that Chan’s eyes soften slightly.

“Spit.” Chan orders, and Felix obediently lets some saliva slip from his lips onto Chan’s cock, which he starts stroking slowly to harden.

Felix looks at him with eyes full of lust, making it impossible for the older man to resist pushing two fingers into his mouth, pressing down on his tongue, going deep enough to reach the knuckles. And Felix doesn’t gag around them, just like a good boy.

Chan’s cock twitches in his hand, and his grip tightens, the sight drawing a moan from his lips.

Felix instinctively moves his head back and forth on the fingers, sucking and swirling his tongue around them, not caring about the saliva dripping down his chin. Because he loves it just like this —wet and messy. This goes on until the  man withdraws his fingers and brings the tip back to his lips, and Felix opens his mouth with his tongue out, eager to have it down his throat but remaining still and patient.

“Fuck my throat?” he asks in such an innocent tone that Chan wonders if it’s possible to sound like that in this situation.

“Oh, I will.” Chan assures before pushing past his lips.

A trembling breath leaves his lips at the feeling of his warm, wet mouth, and he groans as he manages to push it all the way down his throat without any gag reflex.

“Such a good boy, just like we taught you.” Chan praises, stroking his cheek, and Felix leans into his touch.

Felix’s hands are resting on his thighs, itching to touch the older man, but he keeps them in place as he knows he should while Chan begins moving without giving him much time to adjust.

His hips move back and forth slowly, and the wet squelching sounds that the action creates are the only noises filling the silence in the room. Chan moans, tangling his fingers in Felix’s hair and picking up the pace.

Saliva drips from Felix’s mouth down his chin, landing on his pants. Felix moans around his cock, squeezing his legs together as the vibrations from his voice draw a soft whimper from Chan. Felix’s eyes are teary, and he can feel snot ready to drip from his nose.

Felix lets his jaw go slack.

“G-good boy,” Chan finally looks at him. When Felix raises his eyes to meet his, the sight makes Chan groan and thrust harder. “You love having your mouth filled, don’t you, baby?” Chan coos the last words, “Look at you, crying on daddy’s cock. That’s what you get for not keeping quiet.” Felix digs his nails into his thighs through his pants. He knows he must look like a mess right now, but he only cares about pleasing the man in front of him, so much so that he forgets about his own aching erection, trapped in his boxers.

His hands move to the waistband of his pants, ready to pull them down and free his hard cock, but Chan notices and presses a foot over his hands before he can. Felix looks up at him with a pleading expression and whimpers. He feels Chan’s movements slow down.

“Who gave you permission to touch yourself?” His hips stop completely, his cock resting in the warm comfort of the younger one’s mouth.

Felix tries to say something, but his voice is muffled by the cock in his mouth. Chan pulls out to let him speak, trying —and failing— to hide a whimper that Felix hears clearly.

Felix tries to swallow his saliva a couple of times, failing. “I-I wasn’t t-trying to touch myself,” he insists, his voice coming out hoarse. Chan raises an eyebrow, his fingers still threaded through Felix’s blond locks. “I just wanted to p-pull my pants down ‘cause they’re uncomfortable.”

Under Chan’s gaze, Felix feels so small and guilty.

Chan sighs in feigned exasperation. “You can’t even finish one job without needing attention, can you? Such a greedy boy.”

Felix opens his mouth to object, but he doesn’t get the chance to speak as Chan interrupts, “Stand up and strip.”

Felix stands up, hesitates for a moment, but then lowers his pants and places them on a chair, remaining in his boxers and t-shirt.

Chan steps closer to him, lifts his shirt above his chest, and licks a line of skin from his nipple to the waistband of his boxers. Felix’s breathing grows heavier as he feels Chan slowly lick along his inner thigh, lifting the fabric of his boxers to get even closer to his groin, teasing him.

He leaves wet kisses and bites on his thigh, slowly moving behind him, where he lowers his underwear, revealing his ass and a little surprise that makes Chan’s breath hitch.

His mouth trails distractedly up the blond’s back as he straightens. His hands roam over Felix’s hips before moving to his naked ass, where he runs two fingers over the toy nestled between his cheeks.

“And what would this be, hm?” Chan takes it in his hand and begins to move it back and forth slowly, making Felix gasp.

“J-Jeongin made me put it in.”

Chan thrusts it in harder, making Felix moan and bite his lower lip.

“And you immediately obeyed that request. What a filthy boy you are. You love the idea of having your hole full in front of all of us without anyone knowing, don’t you? Acting all innocent around us while hiding such a dirty secret.”

Felix’s breath catches. His mind focuses on the movement of the plug going in and out of him and on Chan’s hand gripping his hip tightly. His eyes look ahead, but he doesn’t really pay attention to the mirror reflecting them.

The plug is suddenly pulled out, making him whine, but is immediately replaced by Chan’s hard cock.

Felix yelps in surprise, and Chan’s hand moves to cover his mouth. His eyes fill with tears again as he whimpers into the hand.

“We have to be quiet. We don’t want to be heard, do we?”

Felix nods obediently, but his untouched cock twitches at the thought that someone might have heard, and Chan notices. “But you’d like that, wouldn’t you, hm?” He starts moving his hips back and forth without giving Felix time to adjust —not that he particularly needs it. “You’d like it if someone walked in on us right now, wouldn’t you? You’d want them to see your fucked-up face from daddy’s cock, huh?”

Felix moans as Chan removes his hand, “Y-yes, daddy.”

“Look at yourself,” Chan says, lifting Felix’s face with a hand to make him look at his own reflection in the mirrored wall, “Look at the slut you’ve become for me. Following orders just like a little puppy, always ready to spread your legs at any moment.”

Both of Chan’s hands grip his hips, holding him steady, and Felix is forced to bend over with his hands on the mirror for balance.

“Letting yourself get fucked even in the practice room,” Chan groans, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” His voice comes out more affected than he’d prefer, hips faltering for a moment.

Felix’s hands and breath fog up the mirror, his face pressed against the surface as his legs tremble with each strong thrust.

He sobs as Chan hits his prostate and whimpers when Chan’s hand smacks his ass hard. His cock leaks precum onto the floor, and Chan needs every ounce of self-control to stop himself from dropping to his knees and licking up every single drop.

“C-Chris, go f-faster, please.” Felix feels like he might cry if Chan doesn’t pick up the pace, struggling to keep his voice down.

“Finally learning to keep your voice down, huh? Good boy.”

Felix’s stomach does a backflip at the praise after all the degradation —not that he minded it at all.

Felix’s legs feel like they might give out at any moment, and Chan notices. His eyes fill with adoration.

“Hold onto me.” Felix doesn’t understand at first, but when he does, he reaches back and grabs onto the older man’s muscular shoulders.

Chan’s hands slip behind Felix’s thighs, gripping them harshly and lifting his legs, bringing Felix’s knees to his chest. Felix moans in surprise and clings to him even tighter.

“Better.” Chan groans and starts moving again, the sweet sounds from Felix’s lips returning as his face twists in a giddy expression, biting his lower lip to stifle the sounds.

For his own amusement, Chan spreads his legs wider. “Look at yourself,” he demands. Felix opens his half-closed eyes to gaze at his reflection in the mirror, but he immediately regrets it as shame washes all over him.

His ears turn even redder, and he tries to ignore the way his stomach tightens deliciously at the sight.

His legs shake with each thrust, and his eyes well with tears, but he can’t tear them away from the pornographic reflection in front of him.

“C-Chan, it’s- it’s embarrassing…” Felix whines.

“But you love it.” Felix quickly shakes his head at the words, sobbing at a particularly hard thrust that hits his prostate. “And yet you keep watching yourself. Look at you, crying on my cock. You’re just so easy to handle.”

Felix doesn’t respond. His eyes are fixed on the way the older man’s fingers press into his thighs. He bites his lower lip, hoping they’ll leave little marks so he can remember this. Not that he’ll forget anyway.

Chan breathes against his shoulder, his soft moans reaching Felix’s ears. Now that Felix notices, Chan seems more affected than he did just before.

The older man has a focused expression, panting as his eyes are glued to the way his own cock thrusts in and out the younger’s stretched hole, the latter’s cock bouncing with each movement.

“Your tight little hole feels so good.” He starts leaving open-mouthed kisses on the other’s neck, “How does daddy’s dick feel? Huh?”

“G-good, feels so good.” Finally, tears start to roll down his cheeks, his mind clouded with pleasure and his body trembling.

“Aw, baby, let go,” Chan breathes, “C-cry for me.” Chan’s cock twitches inside Felix, dribbles of cum leaking from it’s red tip, and Felix sniffles.

“I-I’m close,” he cries, “P-please, I’m gonna cum.” His voice turns urgent and desperate.

Suddenly, Chan brings him back down to the floor, making Felix gasp. He would have fallen if Chan’s strong hands weren’t holding him.

“Oh my god.” Felix moans, his voice high-pitched and eyes rolling back.

Chan guides Felix’s hips, making him thrust back onto his cock, fast and hard, driving him closer to his high. But he won’t give it to him so easily.

Felix closes his eyes, his hands fogging up the mirror. He almost feels sorry for whoever will have to clean it later. “‘M so close, please.”

“Almost.”

Felix cries out, hands reaching for something to grip that isn’t there. He tries moving his hips on his own, trying to get some kind of control.

“Please, Channie, please! Let me cum, please.”

“Hold it.” Chan orders him, choking out a moan from Felix.

“I c-can’t, I need to cum so bad, please, I-I can’t hold it.” Felix pleads, desperate for release.

“Who do you belong to?” Chan asks suddenly. It’s not a question he feels the need to have the expected answer to, but it’s always fun to tease the younger one a little.

“You,” Felix’s voice is shaky as he tries his best to obey and hold it, “Y-you, all yours, b-belong to you!” He says maybe a bit too loudly, but who is he to care at this moment, when all he can think about is the orgasm that’s about to overtake him?

“Is that so?” The sound of skin slapping against skin is louder in the room now, and Chan’s voice tries to remain steady but fails, revealing just how affected he really is.

“Yes! Yes!” Felix cries, his high dangerously close and probably now out of his control.

“Good.” Felix takes this as permission, and immediately he’s shaking and squirming in Chan’s hands, who follows right after, buried deep inside him, as Felix’s cum spurts onto the floor and partly onto the mirror.

They are panting as they come down from their highs, trying to regulate their breaths.

“Still with me?” Chan checks, still holding him by the hips to prevent him from falling to the floor, leaning forward to see his face, which is turned down with his head resting against the surface of the mirror.

“Mhm.” Felix whimpers softly with a heavy breath.

Chan is grateful to always have baby wipes on hand in his bag —as he says, ‘you never know’, and this situation is a perfect example— because it takes him hardly any time to clean them both up, and he even wipes the floor while Felix sits on a chair, despite having insisted on cleaning up his mess himself.

“All done,” Chan says as he stands back up and goes to Felix to toss the dirty wipes in the bin beside him. “The staff will be here shortly, we need to go.”

Felix nods, but before getting up, he pouts his lips, seeking a kiss, which Chan gives him only after imprinting a picture of his cute face looking up at him with big eyes into his mind.

The older man smiles into the kiss, and when Felix feels it, he smiles back, and they both chuckle with their lips still connected.

The younger wraps his arms around Chan’s neck, not wanting to let go and wanting to stay like this even for hours, with his lips against Chan’s soft ones. But they can’t, not right now.

“We’ll cuddle when we get back to the dorms, okay?” Chan promises him.

“No, I want cuddles now.” Felix shows no intention of letting go; in fact, he clings to him even more, burying his face in Chan’s shoulder.

Chan sighs with an affectionate smile and wraps his arms around him in a tight but gentle hold. He lifts Felix up, and Felix wraps his legs around his waist.

Chan grabs his bag and walks toward the exit. “I guess we’ll have to go out like this.”

“At least the others will understand to whom I belong.” Felix teases him with a smirk.

Chan’s ears turn red, and he slaps his butt in admonishment, “Brat.”

[chaoticace2005]

The list of regrets I totally have and am not just writing because Charlie is making me, Vagina Vaggie is glaring at me, and I want the free rent:

By Angel Dust, 3 time X-X-X award winner.

(Warning, there is some victim blaming in this. The abuse Angel faces from Val is not his fault, but given that I’m writing this from his perspective I figured it would be something he’d add.)

1. Writing this list

2. Verbally complaining about writing this list cause now Vagina wants to stab me.

3. Only taking half my usual hit before starting today.

4. Complaining about not being high enough.

5. Not hiding my drugs better

6. Not having more stashes of drugs

7. Calling TV superior to radio.

8. Not killing that snake before he had a chance to go to the hotel.

9. Not “trying hard enough” at this shitty hotel.

10. Being too close to roof so the CRAZY BITCH COULD THROW ME OFF OF IT.

11. Walking up the stairs with Pentious only to have to go IMMEDIATELY BACK DOWN.

12. Signing my deal with fucking Valentino. Seriously I’m a fucking idiot.

13. Even suggesting the idea that Charlie should come to the studio. She’s just going to get hurt.

14. Mouthing off to Val.

15. Not getting Charlie out of the hotel sooner

16. Being such a pathetic, dick sucking ho who isn’t good at anything beyond sex.

17. Not being able to take all of this.

18. Not acting well enough cause some this bitchass cat is seeing through me.

19. Ever offering that bitchass cat my services.

20. Pushing Husk’s boundaries

21. Not being my true self.

22. Acting for so long I don’t even really know who my true self is

23. Being a dick to Charlie

24. Being a dick to Husk

25. Being a dick to everyone

26. Putting my dick in a vacuum cleaner.

27. Calling Smiles a creepy dommy daddy.

28. Letting Niffty know about some of my more kinky films. She’s getting ideas…

29. Trying to play poker with Husk (and not even strip poker!)

30. Testing if my venom works on myself (it doesn’t and now I have pink bite marks)

31. Leaving what I used to clean my bites out because somehow Alastor found them and is now TEMPORARILY PARALYZED AND I DONT WANT HIM TO KILL ME WHEN HE CAN MOVE AGAIN.

32. Not answering Val’s texts.

33. Wearing boots. Seriously these things hurt sometimes.

34. Having ugly feet so I can’t NOT wear boots.

35. Tracking mud into the hotel

36. Mentioning sex around the Egg Bois because now I have to explain what it is.

37. Describing sex as something their boss “has never had,” it got back to Pentious and I’m scared.

38. Mentioning “Vox” anywhere in Alastor’s vicinity.

39. Agreeing to play Monopoly with Niffty. In general Monopoly sucks but Niffty likes to get knives involved?!?!

40. Getting addicted to drugs.

41. Getting caught in that alleyway by my BITCHASS brother.

42. Not trying harder for Molly.

43. Not saying goodbye.

44. Fucking overdosing.

45. Doing literally fucking nothing with my life and nothing with my death.

46. Taking the easy was out and doing whatever pops told me to

47. Yelling “FUCK” loudly in church that one time

48. Not teaching these people at the hotel how to FUCKING MAKE SPAGHETTI RIGHT?!

49. Getting high with Cherri.

50. Telling Val to “fuck off”

51. Flirting with that one cannibal guy because now they all seem to want to EAT ME (and not in the sexy way)

52. Leaving those pot brownies out. High cannibals, Egg Boiz, and Nifftys are terrifying.

53. Letting myself be named “Angel” because this makes shit too damn confusing plus I think Niffty wants to KILL ME?!

54. Not spending more time with these losers

55. Not opening myself up to Husk sooner.

56. Being too much of a coward to tell him how I feel.

57. Mentioning Pent has two dicks to Cherri cause she won’t stop asking about it.

58. Not doing enough to save Pentious.

59. Not telling him how much he means to me.

60. Trying to lift way more than I should have. Apparently six arms doesn’t mean I’m super strong.

61. Calling Niss a short motherfucker who nobody likes. I’m sorry, I’ll be better (and call him something even worse next time.)

62. Still being too much of a coward to tell Husk how I feel.

63. Flirting with Husk in Italian when he UNDERSTOOD ME THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME?!

64. Getting a room on the same side of the building as Alastor’s because he keeps laughing at 3 in the morning???

65. Kissing Husk in public. Val is mad.

66. Trying to even have a boyfriend with Val around. It’s stupid.

67. Calling yourself stupid for wanting to have a boyfriend.

68. Giving my boyfriend access to this list.

69. No regrets. Only 69. :D (Jesus Christ you’re a child.)

[silverskull]

Chenford and The Rookie S6

This is a post where I vent my frustrations with The Rookie season 6 and the Chenford breakup. I will take questions, but I do not guarantee an answer. Retain the fact that this is a TV show I am mad at, not someone/thing in your personal life.

This month/few weeks haven't been great for me to absorb what happened in the last episodes of the season. Some of the reasons are listed below before I start sounding off.

-Unrelated but irritating:

Working 3 jobs, only 1 is paid. 

Crunch time at all 3 jobs

Visiting family expecting all of my time (same crunch weeks as work)

-Related and disappointing:

Cancelled cameo

Cancelled convention appearance

Sloppy SM and PR, frequently missing Melissa

Short S6

Late S7 renewal announcement

Delayed start S6 and extra-long hiatus before S7

Specifics:

Okay, so in 606 Tim lied - so did Lucy and Lopez. Why was there no IA investigation for them or concern about their honour? We were led to believe in 214 (Casualties) that everyone involved in an off-book mission could be compromised. So now why is the fact that Tim is lying more important than either woman compromising their career? Why is there no acknowledgement of THEIR discomfort? Lucy was already on shaky ground after he let her take the blame for SOME RANDOM SCENE COPS??!!? at the clown murder before her detective exam, but now I’m supposed to be worried about Sergeant Spotless-Record Bradford and his honour?! He could have just let that Ray guy go, or even fucking TOLD SOMEONE. He'd still have saved the Venezuelan, but it would have been above board.

And then, apparently the breakup happened over the aforementioned lying and Tim and Mark’s coverup of Ray’s misdeeds. We got no further clarification on this. And I really tried. I read deeply, DEEPLY into Tim’s reasoning (there are tumblr posts and twitter threads). I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I earnestly plead with people on twitter to give it time. But instead of that patience paying off, all we got was Tim trying to act normal, Lucy justifiably pissed, and generalised "things" opened up in (blackmail) therapy?

(Here’s where people have been coming at me too: I don’t really care about the therapy storyline. Honestly, if it’s not done well, I don’t know why we bother. I'm not out to get therapy, I just don't think it's working here. Just mention it and carry on like with Lucy after DOD, or show some scenes from the damn sessions. But turning the therapist into a blackmailer for Monica, who was selling to The Swiss?!?? or an Argentinian??? (I don’t even know and I do not care, and I will not listen if you try to explain, lalalalalala) How did we even end up here???)

And it PISSES ME OFF that we spent years building up the momentum for there to be turbulence in their relationship over Lucy going UC. We were ready. We were waiting. The traps were laid and baited. And they just went PSYCH! IT’S TIM’S ARMY DAYS THAT ARE THE PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH WE LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE HE WAS WELL ADJUSTED BACK IN 214 WITH MITCH AND 311 WITH KATIE BARNES LOLOLOL

We have spent SO MUCH time on Tim's backstory. In fact, here's a list!

Isabel - wife -> ex-wife, UC drug addict, unfaithful

Tom Bradford - abusive father

Army - Let Mitch get his leg blown up; told Katie to let it go with a ladybird; unblemished record;

Cop Buddies - Wrigley -> lazy; Mack -> Addict;

Love Interests - Isabel, Rachel, Ashley

Family - Genny and Tyler (and some other nephew, and apparently a niece and a drunk uncle)

Here is what we know about Lucy:

Mother, Vanessa and father, Patrick, are psychologists and hard on Lucy

Mother had an affair with a patient (also named Patrick) who is Lucy's father, but - boo - he's dead. So is bff Jackson.

Aunt Amy and unseen Nana are nice.

Lucy's other love interests (206 ex, Emmet, Chris, TIMOTHY BRADFORD) have been assholes.

NOW WHOSE FECKIN BACKSTORY DO WE NEED TO SEE MORE OF???

(sorry to those of you who have heard all this from me before, I am literally typing my sporadic thoughts with you guys into longform)

Look, no doubt characters on this show need therapy, but if we’re just gonna make it a vehicle for some random side-characters to have an entire story arc, then WHY? And like, we were misled with the Bailan getting-pregnant storyline too, only to end back up where we started with fostering - because it’s only worth second place if your ovaries are geriatric. LIKE? SO. MANY. PROBLEMATICS.

It’s as if The Rookie plotters were given the outline to the exam questions… then tried to make the answers fit all the WRONG QUESTIONS (I may be speaking from experience). If the cards are laid out one way, don’t struggle to make a different answer fit. Just use what you’ve got, and use it wisely. Especially when it’s been working so well.

And another thing!!! Canon is not fiction - we all know that. We’ve all seen the ones who get carried away with fanon Chenford and ‘Lucy is vegan’-type imaginings that were never actually true. But saying if we don't like canon then we should just write or read fiction to deal with it is only serving to send people deeper into denial. There is a point where you are not crazy, and the writers did something stupid and you start understanding what ‘jumped the shark’ actually means.

Speaking of outdated TV lingo, I saw a really good tweet from Brian_Cronin :

TV showrunners accepting the "truism" that getting "will they/won't they?" characters together hurts the show, always citing Moonlighting, is because they like "rules" that remove their responsibility, as "Don't write the show poorly once they're together" puts the onus on them.

This goes for Chenford. No, Eric Winter. No, Alexi Hawley. We don’t need to see a breakup because it’s more like ‘reality’. Here’s a shocker: we come to watch a COP show, in this age of police brutality, global dictatorships, internationally ignored genocide, timelines full of dead babies and the constant looming threat of utter climate destruction to ESCAPE from reality. We are not watching a COP SHOW - A SHOW ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST VIOLENT, ABUSIVE POLICE FORCES IN THE WESTERN WORLD - for “reality”. Get your fucking head in the game. We supported you through pandemics and strikes, and you pull this season of SHIT on us.

I love all the characters, but I’m hooked for chenford. And I feel really badly treated.

If I was marking your exam, you’d get a failing grade.

“Started off well - linked UC storyline to previously-hinted relationship trauma. Dropped the plot entirely mid-way and brought in a host of unknowns. Tried to blame breakup on army issues previously marked as ‘resolved’, instead of UC drugs and unfaithful wife/abusive father? Reused names multiple times. Confusing and inconsistent. Fatally underused Chen character - inexplicably failing downwards, while Nolan character inexplicably promoted upwards. Use basic research next time."

[ggukkiedae]

we stick together

date: late october 2018

warning/s: mentions of when hannah iced everyone out

notes from cia: a little junghan fluff :3 a bunch of hannah content for 2018 is coming up to catch up to yoonmi in the timeline so everyone will be aligned! that means seri timeline posts like this soon, too!

gif is from pinterest, not mine! dialogue in italics is spoken in english

word count: 2.2k

hannah gets jungwoo to have dinner with and talk to her

“How are you keeping up, Kitsune.”

“I’m pretty good, Yuta-san.”

Their tired comments towards each other were barely audible with the music reverberating throughout the practice room and eleven pairs of footsteps synching with the music. The tension was high, and the whole 127 was using the last bit of energy to do well before practice was passed over to the dreamies, who all happened to be cheering them on.

By the time the music ended, Hannah looked behind her to see Yuta on the ground huffing. Not to say that she wasn’t huffing either, but the victory was in the fact that she was still standing. The cheers of the dreamies filled the room while the 127 members caught their breath. She walked over to pull Yuta from the ground.

“You win this round.” It looked like he was going to put her in a headlock, making her flinch slightly, but he decided to fix her hair instead. “How do you have so much energy?”

“I’m young and fresh,” she flipped her hair at him, making him laugh.

Jungwoo, who watched from beside them, laughed. “I don’t understand what this whole competition is.”

“Just seeing who’s the weaker one,” Hannah smiled at him while poking Yuta’s side. “Clearly, oppa, you’re doing better than Mister Anime Character over here.”

“I have to keep up with you guys somehow, right?”

Jungwoo’s statement may have sailed over the other members’ heads, but it stuck with her. How could it not when that was the same exact thing she was thinking merely a few months earlier?

It was a darker place for her back then. She had pulled away from the members and almost literally worked herself to death just trying to “keep up” with everyone else. Because of that, Haechan and Jaemin had made it a point to sleepover in her and Mark’s dorm ever since then.

She’d think that after all that, everyone would have caught on to those kinds of statements after that whole fiasco, but apparently not. Then again, everyone was exhausted, and Jungwoo had said it so quietly that she wasn’t sure if even Yuta heard it despite him being right behind her.

“8 Dream, your turn!” Their dance teacher’s voice brought her out of her thoughts, along with Jaemin who was already next to her and placing an electrolyte drink in her hand. “Let’s just go over your formations again so the three can rest.”

“Wouldn’t it be better if we have a fifteen-minute break?” Haechan asked hopefully, adding a bit of aegyo to his voice. He huffed when the choreographer gave them a look. “I know, I know. Tight schedule.”

“Let’s go,” she placed her drink down and got up, “because the sooner we start, the sooner we can finish.”

And the sooner she could talk to Jungwoo.

“I’m calling it,” Taeyong advised everyone as soon as he checked his phone, “we’re more than thirty minutes past our agreed ending time. Everyone wash up, eat, and get some rest. Haeeunie, Mark?”

The two who were fixing their bags next to each other both looked at their leader in attention upon being called.

“Yes, hyung?” Mark answered.

“Are you sleeping in the 127 dorms tonight?”

They exchanged looks before turning back to Taeyong. “Not tonight, hyung.”

“The kid’s just too shy to stay with us,” Johnny patted Hannah’s cheek, “which is why she knocks and waits for us to answer before going in. You know the passcode, princess. You can just go in, we know you aren’t some crazy person.”

She froze just the slightest bit at the mention of crazy people, but she laughed it off. “I don’t want to walk in and find any of you naked. Thanks, anyway, oppa.”

She accepted the shirt Johnny had handed her and slipped off the one she was wearing, leaving her in her sports bra for a bit. She laughed as most of her new unit members looked away, still not used to her doing that. Meanwhile, she handed Taeyong a towel as soon as he walked over.

“You do have to wait for a bit for your slippers,” Taeyong began as he helped her wipe the sweat off her back. “Sorry, the ones we ordered for you haven’t arrived yet.”

His words surprised her. They ordered her slippers? Specifically for her? That was strange. The dreamies tended to just wear whatever slippers they had around or just walk barefooted or in socks since they kept the floor clean anyway. No one had a set pair of slippers. Besides, she didn’t even live in the 127 dorms, so she didn’t think they’d get her anything for it.

“Stop giving that look,” Taeyong squished her cheeks into a forced smile, which she instinctively backed away from, making him laugh. “We ordered you a bunch of stuff for the dorm if you ever want to sleep over here during promotions. We know you Lee siblings just live in the building on the other street, but it might be easier for you, you know? My room’s always open for you.”

“Thanks, leader-nim,” she smiled at him before slipping Johnny’s shirt on and tying her hair up in a bun, “but we’re going back to our dorm. Hyuck, too. We have rehearsals in the morning before the Dream Show.”

“We won’t make a ruckus in the morning for you guys this way,” Mark added.

Taeyong looked at them worriedly, “Okay, babies. The three of you make sure to get proper rest okay? Kihyun hyung is my spy, so I will know if you don’t.”

She laughed at him as Haechan moved to stand beside her, taking her bag and throwing an arm around her and Mark’s shoulders, “I’ve got these babies, hyung.”

“You, too,” Taeyong lightly thumped Haechan’s forehead before walking away to check on the rest of the members.

Hannah simply laughed while Haechan gave a loud dramatic reaction to their leader’s actions. With one glance around the room, her eyes fell on the newest addition to the unit. She slipped from under her twin’s arm, leaving him for Mark to handle while she refilled her water bottle.

Jungwoo was already there, quietly filling up a small paper cup with his name written on it, uncharacteristically quiet. Jungwoo had been training with 127 for a while, learning the old choreographies alongside her, but this was his first time training with the exact same knowledge and experience with a song as the rest of the group. It must have felt as strange for him as it did for her when she first learned Cherry Bomb with the group despite not being in the actual comeback, and Touch as well.

“You know,” she smiled up at him while squatting to fill her bottle up after he retracted his cup, “I’d suggest bringing a water bottle to training. A big one.”

“What?” Jungwoo looked at Hannah in surprise as if he was broken out of his thoughts.

She just shrugged and gestured to the rest of the members around the practice room, “Unlike with the Boss unit, these oppas tend to take shorter breaks at longer intervals. You don’t get to drink or breathe as much when you spend time walking here, filling a cup, and all that.”

Jungwoo simply looked at her, as if trying to look into her thoughts. She simply got up and tilted her head at him.

“Oppa,” she called out, “do you want to have dinner with me? We can go to that small restaurant in the street behind the company?”

“That sounds nice,” Jungwoo nodded. “I’d like that.”

Hannah gave a satisfied smile as she walked over to Haechan, taking her wallet out of her bag that now hung on his shoulder. He gave her a curious look.

“Haeeun-ah,” his tone was serious, eyes narrowing slightly, “It’s almost eleven. Where are you going with your wallet?”

“Just the restaurant behind the building,” she told him. “Jungwoo oppa and I are just going to have dinner together and have a little 127 newbies time.”

Haechan’s eyes softened. She had told him before how she had wanted to be able to talk to Jungwoo about them both joining 127 at almost the same time, thinking it was a way for them to get even closer and for them to be reassured they had a companion. Haechan had encouraged this, but their busy schedule had kept her from finding the time so far.

However, it was late at night, and a few of the previous threats Haechan had read made him hesitant to let Hannah out without him by her side at this time. Hannah, knowing him inside-out, already knew how he felt.

“Jungwoo oppa and I will be together the whole time,” she reassured him, “and it’s just to the restaurant and home. We’re only three months apart, Hyuck. You don’t have to treat me like a baby.”

“You know I worry,” Haechan kissed the side of her head. “And I trust hyung. Just be back by 12:30. Mark hyung and I will wait for you at the 127 dorm so we can walk back together. Neither of you are walking alone at night. Oh, and bring me back some of the kimchi fried rice from there, I’d like that for breakfast.”

She just nodded at him, lightly shoving him away with a chuckle before heading to Jungwoo and holding out her hand for him to take. He smiled at her, taking her hand and looking around before quickly pulling her out the door. She laughed and jogged after him, shaking her head at Doyoung’s accusatory voice of her never wanting to hold his hand.

Laughter filled the small space as Hannah and Jungwoo exchanged stories of their time as trainees. The food in front of them disappeared quick as their hunger and exhaustion caught up to them, so they were left sitting and exchanging stories while waiting for the takeout Hannah had gotten for Mark and Haechan.

“It’s crazy, you know,” she told Jungwoo as their previous story wrapped up, “the day I met you, that was the day they told me I’d be in 127.”

Jungwoo met her eyes with a pleasant smile, gently pinching her cheek, “Now we’re both here.”

She instinctively swatted his hand away, making him chuckle. She filled their cups with water as she started speaking again. “I remember first training with the oppas and thinking I needed to do so much to catch up with them. You didn’t hear this from me, but I was maybe just a little bit scared.”

“They had your back, though,” Jungwoo noted.

“Yeah,” Hannah smiled to herself, “they helped me whenever I asked or when I looked confused about something, but still. I only ever spoke to Johnny oppa, Taeyong oppa, and Doyoung oppa out of the other 127 members. I trained with the girls before I trained with Dream.”

“Was it weird?”

“A little bit. I feel a little guilty to debut before the others, but most of them didn’t really like me, anyway. Being added into 127 with the oppas? Definitely weird. I had to take some time to learn the unit’s culture when together and how it differs from Dream.”

Jungwoo nodded in understanding. Training with other trainees was one thing. Training with the Boss unit was different. Training with 127 was another set of unwritten rules he had to figure out as well.

He pulled jokes and was friendly with the members, but he mostly stayed quiet during actual training in order to catch wind of how things work and to focus on being on par with the members to not burden them.

“It feels a little like I have to earn my spot in the unit,” she admitted.

The older boy looked at her in surprise. “You feel that, too?”

She shrugged, “127 achieved a lot in the past two years since debut. I felt like the odd one out for a while. Thus the whole icing-everyone-out situation a few months ago.”

“Right,” he nodded, “we were all worried. You were never the odd one out.”

“Neither are you,” she smiled at him, “I want you to know that. You deserve to be in NCT as much as any of us, and in 127, too.”

Jungwoo snorted before looking down at their table. “That’s why you wanted to get dinner with me, huh?”

“We 127 newbies have to stick together, don’t we?” She poked his head to get his attention. “I’ve got your back. We can gang up on everyone else. It’s you and me, oppa.”

He laughed, nodding at her. “It’s you and me, Hannah. I guess it’s nice to have someone who I can go through this with.”

“I think so, too.”

Before they could continue their conversation, the restaurant owner came, placing the takeout on the table and greeting them goodnight. Having already paid earlier, the two kids left the store with a grateful bow.

Hannah quietly watched a more relaxed Jungwoo chatter as they walked back to the dorm. She didn’t know if she could do it, but she’d try her damn best to make sure he didn’t feel the way she felt all those months ago.

taglist: @1-800-enhypennabi @strwberrydinosaur @sunflower-0180 @caratinylyfe @1-800-minji @one16core @kimhyejin3108 @chansols @akshverse @world-full-of-roses @stopeatread @allthings-fandoms

drop an ask or a dm if you wanna be added or taken out of the taglist 🥰 requests are also open!

[shellyswirlz]

________________________________________

Have we really gotten to the point where Jessie is forgotten/underrated, meanwhile James is the most popular and the only one who people pay attention to?

________________________________________

Like what ever happened to "You can't have Jessie without James"!? Also Jessie of team rocket has a really iconic design how could you ever forget about her? Hello?

Like ok.. I'm literally obsessed with James because he's a huge sweetie who I have a massive crush on.. I'M THE #1 JAMES SELFSHIPPER AFTER ALL! He's literally the embodiment of my type of man., But I'm not automatically forgetting about Jessie, and I care about her backstory as much as James' backstory!

I'm only making this post because hardly anyone ever mentions how great Jessie is from my experience being on the internet.. I've only seen stuff about James even when the post isn't even about James. And then whenever it's a post about only James, they don't even care about Jessie not even being in it. Like I'd expect the fandom to give them both the equal amount of respect but apparently not.... Like this isn't about James?? Back off?? Give my man a break I swear to freaking GOD... /vneg

I'd understand having a favorite. James is my favorite too obviously Meowth being my second favorite.. But where are the Jessie fans? She literally became one of my comfort characters 😭

Team rocket fans who only give a shit about one of the members, and not the others, shouldn't be a team rocket fan imo. Like it's not team James although I kinda wish it was because he's the goat and I love him so so so much.,,

I used to be only a James fan though admittedly before becoming a fan of team rocket as a whole though.. Because like I said James is literally my type lmao.,, So like I don't know maybe I'm just way too passionate about this and overthinking about it too much...

I feel one of the main reasons why I'm too passionate though, is because he's my main f/o, and several people acting weird and all like "OMG I WANT HIM‼��" to my f/o while forgetting about his best friend makes me very uncomfortable.., I'd say I am kind of a selective selfshipper at this point........ And Jessie along with Meowth are my comfort characters so I hate people forgetting them and pretending James is the only person on the team.. To add onto this crowds of strangers or weird people when it comes to ONLY JAMES specifically makes me feel really sick to my stomach..

However, I shouldn't feel too anxious about it because there are more men in Pokemon who are more popular than James nowadays, having those weird fans.,,, but it still feels sorta odd knowing people are like this to James in the fandom, and I have this really big emotional attachment to him... Heck I even once heard about someone who said they were just like Jessebelle when it comes to him which made me wanna break down crying. I swear so many people are so weird over my f/o, forgetting about Jessie's existence, it genuinely makes me wanna pass out.,,

Now that I think about it though... it's sorta somewhat similar to the neighbors from Eddsworld situation in the fandom almost., because everyone who were fans of the neighbors cared about Jon the most because he's the sweet cinnamon roll, but didn't give a shit about Eduardo or Mark despite them all being a team in a way.. And having nice designs :'D

Sorry for bringing all this up this bugged me a little, Like I know every trio has that one fan favorite character.. But it genuinely feels like Jessie isn't talked about at all and it's kinda starting to annoy me.. Everytime the both of them are drawn in a sexy way on the internet as well, people only pay attention to James as if Jessie isn't quite literally what everyone's type usually is on the internet.., The only time Jessie is really talked about in the fandom is when it's all of them I kid you tf not. This is so freaking weird... 😭

"Jessie and James are so iconic and cool!! I love team rocket!"

"Oohh cool what's your favorite thing about Jessie from that team?"

"Oh lol I don't care about Jessie that much.. James is peak"

Genuinely what this feels like..,

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THIS ISN'T AIMED AT ANY OF MY MUTUALS BTW.. YOU GUYS ARE GOOD OR LESS ANNOYING FANS OF TEAM ROCKET! :D /GEN

[coredrill]

this post is not abt bravern but it Is abt my Bravern Feelings

i miss this show so much already SOBS. i did enlist another g roup of irl friends to watch it w me though and we are starting tomorrow so yay :] and also beware the rewatch posts

[guy who has said that i'm glad i watched this live every week voice] i'm rly glad i watched this live, but this time its bc. i think there is something so truly and genuinely special abt the way that the theories abt bravern himself evolved week to week.........like at first everyone was like Well maybe he's an evil alien who is gonna Kill isami. and then everyone was like Well maybe he's a death drive and isami is his lulu. and THEN everyone was like Well there's still some knuth in there so. but none of that was the case!!! none of that was true!!! it was literally just this one guy and all of the love he has and Absolutely Sucks Shit at expressing!!!!!!! and i just. idk. that hits me rly hard that maybe it was percieved as sinister at first just cause it was a little Off but in the end it was something really really sweet :] it also just feels like yet another way of the show doing its "we know audiences aren't willing to accept optimism at face value these days" schtick like they mentioned in that one interview and just. showing how bravern himself evolves in the eyes of the viewer. it's rly special to me :]

i know bravern speaking german in ep2 was a nod to the translator he uses on superbia later but. what if someone loved you so much they became german (if i ever mention kyouji again in a bravern context just fucking shoot me)

WILD to watch the finale and then see the isami hate train take off FKSJDHFJ cause i feel like i adored him so much in that ep LMAO. my guy really felt every emotion known to man in the span of 22 minutes and then started makin gup new ones. he's very human!!! and i love that abt him!!!!

although some takes. i'm ngl. i know we joke abt subtext and cowards but it becomes less funny when the subtext that is there is missed LMAO

sorry to keep bringing up ep4 but i think its SO interesting how like. the way that bravern seems to helps isami out emotionally in that ep actually ends up not helping him in the long run aswell? like getting to know all those ppl care abt him is good ofc but it also feeds Directly into his hangups in ep5. and i remember being a little confused as to Why that was the case on first watch cause ep4 was So abt his beef w lulu (FLSDKJFH) but w the smith being a human again thing in the end it makes. so much more sense!!!!! i can't wait to rewatch the show w it still fresh in my mind and find even more!!!!!!

and omg the beef with lulu. literally nothing is funnier to me than "we are gonna have one Rival Fight in this show and that position is gonna be filled by isami and smith's fucking KID" SOBS. LIKE. it kills me FKSLDJFHL. though i will say again that i think it is So fucking special that in ep10 lulu specifically calls out isami taking care of her after smith dies and it apparently happens to such a degree that like. he is worth her time traveling back to save independently aswell? even though there was no way that he "took care of her" for more than a couple days? which i think just says so much abt isami in the sense that like. at no point before ep6-7ish in his arc would he have even entertained that idea. uwu

i think i said this before but ikd if i included the screenshot but. the fact that while bravern is dying he sees THAT SAME FUCKING PICTURE is just evidence that men do not take enough photos i think

there is literally Nothing more onbrand for bravern than the fucking. "ep13 abema listing" (if anyone who has not heard abt that sees this. it was just a rebroadcast of ep12 mislabeled) sending everyone into a tizzy regarding like. Secret Episode Question Mark except half of everyone being convinced its an april fools joke and the other half being convinced that the april fools joke is that we didn't expect it. and then it turns out to not be interntional atall and the real april fools joke is Fry Pan. SOBS

Crunchyroll I Am Begging You If You Dub This Please Dub The Songs Too Oh My God (<- delusional)

anyways!!!!!!!!!!! again i know recency bias is the killa but god. i really loved this show a lot!!!! it might be an alltime fave story for me in general!!!!!! even if it's not it was a really special experiance and story on the whole and i'm just really really happy i get to carry it in my heart forever :]

[substituted-shinigami]

Bleach Book Club - Letters From The Other Side

Welcome to Bleach Book Club, where we discuss Bleach Books! Today we are going over the first Bleach light novel, Letters From the Other Side!

Non-spoilery description:

The book description of this story is: It is a novelization of the early chapters of the Bleach manga. Now I’ve read very little of the manga, mostly just watched the anime, so I don’t know if that is true. However I can say for sure that this story did not appear in the anime. Rather than “monster of the week”, like many of the early episodes of Bleach are, it is a “slice of life” story about a lazy sunday at the Kurosaki Household. Rukia makes fun of Ichigo for being "such a hard worker" and studying on the weekend. Ichigo makes fun of Rukia for sleeping in so late and forgetting they have a test LITERALLY TOMORROW, at which point Rukia freaks out, and hijinks ensue. It’s great! Please check it out if you haven’t already, but for those who just need/want a quick summary, here you go!

Spoilery description:

It’s Sunday at the Kurosaki household so that means no school and the clinic is closed. Everyone is eating a leisurely breakfast, except for Ichigo who has to quickly eat in order to bring breakfast to Rukia in secret. When he gets there, despite the fact that he’s two hours later than he normally would be on a school morning, Rukia is still fast asleep, and doesn’t wake up until he knocks. He makes fun of her for this, but Rukia is too happy about receiving food (especially if that food is a cucumber and ham sandwich) to be too mad about it. When she sees Ichigo studying at his desk, she teases him for being such a hard worker for studying on such a nice day. At which point he turns around and says she must be easygoing to not study for their test tomorrow. Rukia says that written tests don’t matter, only practical exams do, and asks when those are. Ichigo says they don’t have any, at which point Rukia freaks out. Turns out if she gets bad marks and has to stay after school, she’ll miss her favorite anime. She demands Ichigo teaches her how to study, but he says he’s too busy studying for the tests (I believe they are midterms?) himself. Kon calls Ichigo heartless, but Rukia agrees Ichigo shouldn’t have to help her, and after changing in the closet, leaves for the library. After she leaves, Kon reminds Ichigo that Rukia is from another world, and therefore legitimately doesn’t know how things work here and probably actually needs help, despite what she says. After some more “Kon hijinks” that results in Ichigo removing his pill so that he can study in peace, he thinks about Rukia’s predicament, sighs, and gives one of his friends a call.

After leaving Ichigo’s house, Rukia runs into Orihime and Tatsuki. When asked where she’s headed, she just mentions she’s going to the library to study. They ask her if she wants to study with them, but due to needing to go to Urahara’s as well, she declines. Orihime then offers Rukia her notes, but Tatsuki says that despite Orihime being very smart, her notes are completely nonsensical. Tatsuki then apologizes and says that her notes are all over the place, but that if Rukia has extra time, she can always come by her house later to study. As the girls leave, Rukia thinks about how nice they are.

Unfortunately, the translation I read was missing the next chapter where Rukia goes to the library, but I think she runs into Keigo and Mizuiro? She tries to hide from them, but fails.

Anyway, the next chapter has Ichigo meeting up with Chad, apparently the only one in their friend group with actually good notes. In fact, Chad’s notes are so good that they have helped Ichigo improve in some of his classes in the past. Anyway, Chad gives him a notebook and asks if Ichigo is using them for himself. Ichigo lies and says he is (since he can’t tell him about Rukia living in his closet), and Chad immediately realizes the truth, but is nice enough not to say anything. They then part ways.

In the last chapter, Ichigo gives Rukia the notes when she returns to the house. He explains they are from Chad, and that even if she crams, she should be able to get by. She thanks him genuinely before disappearing into the closet to study.

My thoughts:

Let me start off by saying, I really love this book. I enjoyed the slice of life feel, and I was really able to connect to the characters. I have been both the Ichigo and the Rukia when it comes to waking others up/being woken up in the morning. I am ABSOLUTELY NOT a morning person, and neither are my siblings, so sometimes I'm the one and other times I am the other. Also, food 100% makes the process better! 10/10 would recommend. Also, I know this is personal, but I love that the Kurosaki family water down their juices. As someone else who grew up with multiple siblings, watering down the juice is a great way to make it last longer, so that was a nice detail. Lastly, I will love this book and Tite Kubo forever for giving us bedhead Rukia art! She is adorable, and I love her with all my heart!

Moving on to the rest of the story, I like that we get to see Rukia interact with some of the other characters too! Rukia is pretty walled off emotionally during the Soul Society Arc, so it's nice to see her inner dialogue when talking to characters like Orihime and Tatsuki. Poor girl, she really liked them, but was scared to get too close! She wasn't of this world after all…

I like the bit of lore we get about Chad and Ichigo’s history too! I like how it builds out their early relationship beyond just "fighting bros".

And in the end, Ichigo gives Rukia the notes because he is a chump, I mean, a really nice guy! (Despite his attempts to appear otherwise, lol!) And Rukia shows honest gratitude despite her SS Arc tsundere tendencies! All in all, a good end to a good book!

Things I learned about the characters:

Ichigo: His family's clinic is closed every Sunday. I always assumed it was an emergency room, and that they were open 24/7! Also, I think this novel is a good reminder that Ichigo doesn't just help out his friends by fighting. He does little things like this too!

Rukia: I always assumed she wasn't a morning person, but this definitely confirms it! Best bedhead, 10/10! I wanted to hug her so bad! I would argue, however, that despite this, she is a very light sleeper since she wakes up on the first knock. Considering her background, both in Rukongai and as a soldier, this makes sense. Also, Rukia, even though you are my favorite character, and I love you, you would make (and technically did make) a terrible roommate! But hey, this does mean she makes great roommate/found family sitcom material! Get this woman a show! (Oh wait!) Anyway, as what was implied by Canon, Rukia is a terrible written test taker, but could probably apply the principles well enough.

Orihime: Is a genius, and just like all geniuses, her notes are illogical to the average person, or shinigami in this case! Also, I wouldn't be surprised if Orihime sort of figured out that Rukia was going through some stuff, not just physically (what with the supernatural battles and all), but also emotionally. Orihime is a nice person who loves making friends, but getting turned down by someone you barely know rarely upsets someone this much. Add that on to what we know of Orihime's past, and I wouldn't be surprised if she figured out that Rukia was severely depressed and was hiding it from everyone, including Ichigo. I think it would be interesting to see Orihime's perspective of Rukia during the Soul Society Arc.

Tatsuki: Her notes are also very bad! Haha! I'm still mad Rukia didn’t take her up on her offer of coming over to study. I WANT TO SEE THESE THREE GIRLS IN A STUDY GROUP TOGETHER!

Chad: The only character out of the entire story who has good, legible notes. Good on you, Chad! I know it feels weird to bring up Renji in a story where he doesn't show up, but if he was as good a test taker as his academy days backstory suggests, then I think he and Chad would make good study buddies!

Kon: Despite Kon being uh… Kon, I like how this story reminds us that this guy is pretty insightful too. Really wish the original story did more with his character.

Final thoughts:

Definitely check this story out if you get a chance! It’s a lot of fun and it’s always nice seeing these characters in such a chill setting. I love them all so much, and think they should all get an apartment together in a college style/found family AU asap! (Oh, look, a drabble!)

Anyways, thank you for reading!

Sources

Story: https://www.wattpad.com/122235261-bleach-letters-from-the-other-side-letters-from

Art: https://imgur.com/a/bYWlb

[ncisfranchise-source]

With the April 15 episode of “NCIS” on CBS, the overall franchise — including its multiple spinoffs �� clocks its 1,000th episode. That’s a milestone for all of the associated series, but the mothership show accounts for nearly half of those, and is edging ever closer to its own once-unfathomable benchmark: “NCIS” O.G. is at 463 episodes and counting, with the 500-show mark hardly out of reach, especially now that the show has just been renewed for its 22nd season. There’s no end in sight, with the top-rated drama series having proven its ability to withstand cast changes, such as the loss of Mark Harmon, the show’s original team leader, in 2021. (Gary Cole tagged in as Harmon was departing during Season 19.)

And yet, if there were a complete and total turnover, fans’ loyalty might not still be the same. Although there’s no cast member left from the show’s premiere back in 2003, it has two who were extremely close to the origin point, in Sean Murray and Brian Dietzen, who had recurring characters during the first season before becoming series regulars. And Rocky Carroll goes back to Season 5 — several lifetimes ago in network TV time. Not to mention, “NCIS” benefits greatly from the infusion of new blood, in “recent” additions like Katrina Law (who joined in the 18th season) and Diona Reasonover (who came in in Season 16).

To celebrate the franchise’s 1,000th episode, as the cast was leaving for hiatus after wrapping up Season 21, Variety gathered together two of those longest-standing cast members, Murray and Carroll, and two of the newest regulars, Law and Reasonover, for a discussion about the vein of immortality they’ve apparently tapped into.

For all of you, but especially the more veteran members, what was your honest prospectus for how long this gig was going to last when you came on?

Rocky Carroll: When I came on the show toward the end of Season 5, I literally was telling my friends, “Hey, I made it on the tail end of the series. If it goes seven years, at least I got in two full seasons on a hit show!” I was thinking, if we get to seven seasons, man, it’ll be a feather in my cap. And that was 16 years ago. That was my mindset, because most of the most famous shows in television history, hit shows that you know, have gone less than 10 seasons — six, seven is kind of the goal. So when we got into double digits, I knew we were in rare air.

Sean Murray: Yeah, I feel the same. In terms of when you start a TV show, the pilot getting picked up is a miracle. Then the pilot going to series is a miracle. To have a full season is a miracle! To go four or five years is unbelievable and rare. To go 21 years is unfathomable. TV shows are not meant to go that long.

I joke about how on our sets, the partitions that make up our office sets are falling apart. They’re literally held together by rubber bands. So, it’s hard to wrap your head around. And the world of “NCIS” seems to be this living thing where characters can come and go from it. It’s wild to be here 21 years later and have everyone sticking with us — kind of unheard of, I think.

Sean, going back to the first season, when you were on just eight episodes, were you nervous then, like — “Is this even gonna be like a regular gig next year”?

Murray: Well, it happened sort of naturally. McGee came in as a one-time guest star, and was a probational rookie officer at the local base in Virginia, Norfolk, helping the team with the case. He slowly started appearing more and more after that, and it just kind of felt like a natural sort of progression. It felt almost like he was a little slice of the pie — the pizza pie — that made up the team, like there was something untouched there, and McGee filled that a little bit and it allowed for some new dynamics.

I remember when we finished Season 1, talking to Harmon and everyone else, and saying, “I hope I see you guys next year.” Good things were in the air, and I came back full-time on Season 2, so I guess it worked out.

Carroll: And, for the record, actors never lose that sense of, “Is this the last time…?” You’re constantly in a state of, what’s next, as a performer. Even if you do a show that’s this successful, you always look at the next script as if, “Am I OK? I’m in this episode, too. Good. Good.” You never lose that sense. It’s an innate thing for us actors to always feel like, “OK, are we still a part of this? Is this gonna have a future?” That never goes away.

Rocky Carroll as NCIS Director Leon Vance and Sean Murray as Special Agent Timothy McGee on “NCIS.”CBS

Sean, do people look to you as an “NCIS” historian, just because you go back so close to day one?

Murray: No, I hope not, because I can barely remember what I had for lunch. We’ve done almost 500 of these bad boys, so I usually count on our fans to tell me what’s going on.

Katrina Law: No, Sean has an uncanny memory for details of very specific scripts. There are times where he’ll pull out a character from Episode 3 of Season 4 and tell you the entire plot line. You’re like, “Oh my gosh, how do you remember all of this?” So I go to Sean as the historian. He knows everything.

Murray: Sometimes I can pull it out, every once in a while, if I got some sleep.

So you’re forgetting what a good memory you have. Katrina, for your part, how many times do we get to read in the trades or in Wikipedia or anywhere that a principal cast member “came on in the 18th season.”

Law: I was laughing, because the newbies on the show consist of me and then Diona, who’s now going to — what? Your seventh or eighth season? And that’s usually when most hit shows are ending. But that’s considered the new blood on the show. So that made me laugh a little bit.

When I came on in the 18th season, I’m not gonna lie: “NCIS” felt like home to me. And the reason why is because I have been watching the show off and on for the past 20 or, at that point, 18 years, with my father and with my husband. So it’s this whole dynamic of kind of growing up with the show. So the thought of it going on forever doesn’t seem that strange, because it feels like it’s been on forever and it’s just a fabric of American television culture, or of, actually, international world culture.

But when I came on, I knew that Harmon was leaving, so we all just thought to ourselves, well, it’s either gonna be one fantastic season and — like Rocky said — what’s next?, or we’re gonna pull it together. I think it’s a testimony to this cast and the chemistry that we all just gel and — tell me if I’m wrong, guys, but we have such a beautiful chemistry off screen that it carries on to the screen. And with our writers constantly coming up with fresh new ideas, and then having the new blood of Diona and me infusing with the old blood and being able to create new stories and new dynamics, there’s so much more versatility now that I think the show has potential to still go on for a long time.

For the the two of you who are “the new blood,” so to speak, you have to have a sense of the hole you’re filling when you come in, because typically someone else has left the show. At least, I’m guessing you have this vague awareness of, OK, here’s what the show’s been missing that I’m bringing in, but I can’t duplicate what anybody did before me.

Diona Reasonover: Oh, more than a vague awareness. I felt so fortunate when I got this show, mainly because everybody was so welcoming, from the jump. But also, I knew exactly who Abby was. You get Pauley Perrette in your mind — and she had been literally part of people’s families, because this show becomes something that people watch multi-generationally — and the characters almost become like family members. So I was really nervous, but I actually found the fans to be quite welcoming too. I still get people saying, now, “I wasn’t sure I was gonna like you at first, but I do now.” And I’m glad to have won them over.

Carroll: At the end of Season 5, because the cast had been so firmly established, and my character was sort of a cog in the wheel, I was basically told by the producers, “Don’t read the social media.” Although at the time, there was no Twitter, so it was more like fan pages. And literally, you feel like a stepdad coming into a new family, and the kids are like, “That’s not my dad.” So for a long period of time, I was told, “Just stay away from the fans’ responses.” But over time they grow to accept you, and I give the fans of the show so much credit, because over these 21, now 22 seasons, with all the changes and machinations that have happened with us, the fans have stayed with us.

It’s like when you’re friends with somebody for life, when somebody has a real impact on you, you’re not just friends with ’em when things are good. You go through all of their ups and downs, peaks and valleys. And we’ve dealt with death, with loss, in real life, and changes in cast, changes in so many different ways. And the fans say, “Hey, we’re still here. We still believe in it.”

Rocky, how many years did it take you to get over being the new guy?

Carroll: About 10.

Just a decade? OK.

Carroll: No, you know, going into this, the only person that I knew who was connected to “NCIS” was Mark Harmon. He and I worked together on “Chicago Hope,” so I was the Mark Harmon-approved hire. So I figured, look, if there’s one person that you should know coming into something that’s already established already, it’s good to know No. 1 on the call sheet. So I just sort of said, “Hey, listen, I’m here. I follow your lead, however you need me. I don’t need to be front and center.”

I loved kind of having this antagonistic sort of relationship with the main character, but I knew I was in good hands because Harmon and I knew each other. He was the one that said to everybody else, the networks and the studio, “This guy will help us out.” So I always felt like I was in good hands, regardless of the fan pages. Harmon was like, “Just come in and do your job.” So that’s kind of where I went.

I remember eight years or so in, I was on set and I’d have conversations with Michael Weatherly about what could actually kill “NCIS.” And he would say that maybe the only thing that could really kill it is Harmon leaving, because it could probably survive anyone else’s loss. Would any of you admit to harboring doubts that, yeah, maybe that would mark the end of the show? No pun intended.

Murray: Yeah, I mean, you never know what’s going to happen with that — that’s an unknown variable. But I remember getting the call that Gary Cole was going to come in, before Harmon left, and I couldn’t have been happier hearing that name; I can’t even tell you. I think if we tried to plug someone in that was anything like Leroy Jethro Gibbs, it would’ve been a disaster.

I think a lot of shows out there would try and do something like that, but not us. I don’t think it would’ve worked out as well had we not had Gary, and everything that he brings with the character.

Katrina Law as NCIS Special Agent Jessica Knight, Sean Murray as Special Agent Timothy McGee, Rocky Carroll as NCIS Director Leon Vance, and Gary Cole as FBI Special Agent Alden Parker.CBS

Law: I think that’s a nice thing about “NCIS” with the casting process is that when they bring on new people, they’re never asking them to be the same character. And they never wanted Gary to be Gibbs 2.0, just like I’m sure they never wanted Diona to be Pauley 2.0. We have some pretty amazing shoes to fill, but they’re asking us to bring our own pair of shoes, which is kind of nice.

Sean, it’s provided an opportunity as time has gone on for you to be more of the alpha male on the show. There’s been some evolution over the years into your sort of leadership role.

Murray: It’s funny, because like people will say, “Oh, you must be tired of playing the same character for 20-plus years.” But my character, luckily for me, has been able to evolve as the show has grown. So none of it has ever felt boring to me. I always feel like there’s growth there. I remember talking to the writers early on about the stumbling, bumbling rookie McGee. And I remember saying, “We want growth. We don’t wanna have baby Maggie Simpson, and every year, every week, you revert to the same thing.” Luckily, they’re very much on board with that.

Once we were in this rare era where this show was sort of past its expiration date, as it were, and we were into Season 10, Season 11, I think the actors and the writers sort of came to an agreement. It’s like, “Hey, instead of trying to tell the same stories from the same way and make these characters sort of stuck at one age or at one point, if the show is growing, let’s grow with the show. Let us get older. Let us evolve. Let us have the things that happen to people over a 20-year period of time.” So we were able to have the same characters, but able to tell different stories, because we didn’t get locked into a certain time frame where they can’t get older. It’s like, we got older, we had kids, we had relationships, we had breakups, we had deaths — so I feel like I’ve been doing different things for 20 years. I don’t feel like I’ve been doing the same thing, which is why the time has flown by.

Plus, I like hanging out with these cats.

(L-R): Katrina Law as NCIS Special Agent Jessica Knight, Wilmer Valderrama as Nick Torres, Sean Murray as Special Agent Timothy McGee, Brian Dietzen as Jimmy Palmer, Gary Cole as FBI Special Agent Alden Parker, and Diona Reasonover as Forensic Scientist Kasie Hines.CBS

In February, the show paid tribute to David McCallum after his death with a farewell-to-Ducky episode. The way this show’s going, you could all still be on the show in your 90s. Have you thought that far ahead?

Carroll: If I have the ability to remember dialogue in my 90s…

Law: If we’re lucky enough to be working that long and happily, yes. Looking forward to it.

Reasonover: If they’re willing to give me craft feed up until I turn 90, yeah.

Law: Oh, yeah. Somebody doing your hair and makeup until you’re 90?

Carroll: And, on that subject, when the show started, the story is, David McCallum said to his wife, “I’m 70 years old. What if this thing goes five, seven years?” I mean, the fact that that he was almost 20 years with the show and started at age 70 — which I still don’t believe, because when you look at those early episodes, it’s like, “That man is not 70 years old.”

It’s pretty incredible for him to have not just the renaissance, but like an entire career after the age for 70. He could still memorize dialogue in his 80s, which is not an easy feat.

Law: One of my favorite things about Sean is, because he has been here for about 21 years, you can see he’s so settled and grounded into his role in the “NCIS” world. But there’s this little twinkle in his eye as he watches the shenanigans and the mayhem kind of circle around him, where he’s just kind of like, “OK, bring it.” And I think you can only get that for being on something for 20-some years. It’s a really fun dynamic to watch.

Do you feel twinkly, Sean, right now?

Murray: I feel extremely twinkly. Are you kidding? Katrina Law just gave me a compliment, so I feel fantastic.

Carroll: And no one knows shenanigans like Katrina Law.

Law: Oh, the shenanigans are usually because he’s watching me mess up my lines.

Reasonover: One thing about Katrina Law, if she has shenans once, she is gonna shenan-again.

Carroll: I see what you did there.

Reasonover: See you guys next season…

[oh-three]

PJO S1E7:

Who on Earth is this guy. Who's Procrustes. Oh, fuck, a half-brother and a murderer. How did I forget about him. He was in the books, right?

What the fuck kind of waterbed is that?

Lmfao, he totally deserved that. Have a taste of your own medicine, Procrustes.

I like how the entrance to the Underworld is literally marked with a door that straight up says "Do Not Enter".

"Don't make me come back out there!" You tell him, Annabeth!

Young Percy is perfect 😂

I was about to make a comment about Cerberus having a toy ball, but apparently it was Grover with a stress ball. Poor guy doesn't get paid enough for this 😂

"We're all dying...to some extent." Percy sounds just like me with that one.

CERBERUS! Oh my god, he is a giant Rottweiler, I love it.

I have never seen a dog fall asleep that fast before.

Those flying shoes are really coming in handy after all.

These guys have way too many close calls, holy shit.

Let's be honest, Cerberus is going to fucking swallow that ball.

Why is the palace upside down.

Sally Jackson is the best mom ever.

PERCY, STOP SACRIFICING YOURSELF.

O-kay, that's ominous.

There is something truly heartbreaking about the regretful sounds being literally bound into the ground by roots. No one deserves that.

ANNABETH, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF EITHER.

Oh, thank god.

Oh. So there dreams were from Hades. Okay, damn, thought for sure they were setting up Kronos for later seasons.

TAKE THE FUCKING SHOES OFF.

Jesus Christ. That was close.

And there's the fucking Master Bolt. How the fuck did Luke get it in his backpack.

OH. ARES, WHAT THE FUCK.

Sounds about fucking right, though. For Ares. But then, how the fuck is Luke involved??? Was he never the thief in the books? Does my memory suck that bad? Wouldn't put it past myself to brainwash my book memories with ones of the movies.

Imagine how hard it was for Sally, raising Percy and not being able to tell him anything about his parentage. Poseidon owes her compensation tbh.

Love the little temple-y things like that spot of flooring being an elevator.

Why is Hades so familiar. I don't recognize the actor atm, but I swear I know who it is.

He turned her into a fucking gold statue. What the fuck, man.

The plot thickens. Hades is so fucking confused. Everyone is so fucking confused and it's so funny.

AYYY, KRONOS MENTION.

SO I WAS RIGHT, THAT WAS KRONOS IN HIS DREAMS.

"And the goat." Ouch.

Get bamboozled, Hades. You got too ambitious too fast, my guy, even if it was out of rightful fear of Kronos.

POSEIDON SIGHTING.

Why does he have a British accent. Hades doesn't. Does Zeus??

There's something personal about Poseidon acknowledging that Sally's situation is unfair, and that there's no right answer to it. He's good, even if he didn't have the ability to raise Percy as a decent human father would.

Ayyy, team reunion.

Oh, fuck, Ares knew where they'd come out at. MAKE HIM PAY.

That was an awesome monologue. I can't wait till we get more of Poseidon next episode.

I can't believe the season ends next week 😭

[goldentigerfestival]

@crestfallencrest replied: Unfortunately I am now being haunted by this Yuri too, WHAT!!!!!!! Im not too familiar with Crestoria so Im not sure what a transgressor is in this context but holy hell this design???? O_O

Basically a transgressor is someone who was condemned by the majority of the world to be a sinner. Everyone in the world carries a Vision Orb with them to use to record things and they can broadcast things other people do to the entire world, spin a narrative and the world decides if they're guilty of the mentioned crime (they can also leave things out, make things up entirely, etc to fit the narrative they're going for if they're lying).

If the world decides someone is guilty, their Vision Orb breaks and is replaced with a mark called the Stain of Guilt (which is apparently physically painful to get), proving they've sinned and are "guilty", and monster-like creatures called Enforcers show up to kill them (they warp them away into another dimension and kill them basically). Since Yuri isn't dead he warded them off and is on the run like the main cast. Enforcers tend to lay off after a while, but if people see the person again and recognize them, they're likely to call for Enforcers again (in Yuri's case I imagine they'd just call for them anyway, recognized or not, because he clearly has a mark).

When the judgment is that someone is a sinner, the person literally hears their voices of their opinions/comments about them in their head before their Vision Orb breaks, so seeing the general design for Yuri I feel like it fits, but I'm still going to lose sleep for the rest of my life wondering what his story was and how they were going to fit him into the main story (crossover characters could be pretty important and Milla's backstory was tied to the at-the-time main antagonist to the whole story). I'm also ruined over the fact that I am craving Yuri and Vicious interaction in general, plus on top of their Crestoria game stories, as well as their knight boyfriends getting Tired just by watching them together.

Which, for that matter, a Yuri side story probably would've included Flynn, and we'd probably see how Flynn feels about seeing Yuri's crime if not "crime" broadcast to the world and seeing him condemned to be a criminal worth being killed (they don't use Vision Orbs for all crimes, hence why they have knights who handle the small time stuff. Use of a Vision Orb means you're gunning for the person to essentially get the death penalty, which is what will happen if they're condemned and can't fight the Enforcers off). In Vespy we have Flynn being the one who keeps warning Yuri while the people generally love or appreciate him, but in Crestoria it's the complete opposite just based off the fact that he was condemned. Flynn just having to live knowing the whole world hates Yuri and probably thinking he did do something that bad and being so distraught about it... 😔

I imagine it'd ultimately be something like, Yuri was condemned on either false or not-the-whole-story accusations and Flynn used to be one of those people who took Vision Orb users at their word, only to find out how skewed the system was. Would probably meet up with Yuri at some point to get answers (I don't think he'd go there to arrest him if he was a knight in this verse because bringing Yuri back would quite literally mean sending him to his death) and find out the truth. Don't know if Yuri would be on a mission to destroy all the Vision Orbs to prevent good people from being condemned in the future like Kanata is, but he seems to definitely have had a goal in mind. Sad we won't know because his interests feel like they'd have aligned with the main cast's like Milla's did.

Also I get the feeling that Yuri wouldn't regret his sin because I can't see him not doing it for a good purpose (and he's got the damn mark on display like Vicious, who was essentially also wrongfully called a sinner). It's a shame that he would have to be a crossover character in status too though, because the mix of his canon story and his Crestoria story would've normally landed his ass right into the main cast and him getting a Blood Sin from Vicious (which Vicious gives people when they accept their sin and vow to live with it basically). Heck, he might've even done that as a side character and just helped on the side like Milla helped on the side.

I'm sorry this is so long LOL the possibilities were just... THERE. If you ever have the time I'd recommend giving the game a watch on YouTube from what's been recorded from the game. The main story is fully voiced, and you've side stories for the crossover characters and event stories like the other gacha games. The manga changed up a few chunks already because of the removal of the crossover characters, so I personally would recommend the game before the manga. :O

[starryocean]

realized there's still books i havent got to talking about yet that ive finished forever ago. whoops. here they are now.

1 - Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence

as I expected, it was incredibly edgy. I kept thinking of Jorg as some 13-year-old dA boy's first ever fantasy OC. And he talked as if he felt the same way, too--really believing that he was the coolest shit ever, can do whatever he wants, fuck his dad and fuck the kingdom. nothing personnel, kid.

To Mark's credit, Jorg is also literally 14. I think. 14-15. Either way he's a teenager and has trauma and very much acts like it. I think that's a pretty important thing to state with regards to Jorg's narration. However, it also makes some things he pulled off in his backstory statistically impossible for a...I think 10? 11? year old to do. But there's also some weird magic shit going on, and the weird magic shit is explicitly confirmed to have played a role in at least one of those statistically impossible incidents, so I guess I can believe that maybe there was meddling there as well. idk.

Anyway. Let's talk about what I liked.

The "twist" with regards to the background of the setting as a whole was fairly interesting and properly foreshadowed from the start--even the map was pointing to it. However, it was also the only thing that really kept me reading. I did not like Jorg, even if I thought his narration was hilariously edgy, but somehow I did end up rooting for him to win the last battle at least a little? So I guess some of the reviews didn't lie to me in that that would happen.

So that's another thing I liked. Mark Lawrence is a competent storyteller if he was able to get me invested enough in Jorg--even with Jorg being unlikable as he is--to root for him at all at the very end. Let me be clear that I can't see him ever being truly a "hero" by any definition of the word. But he grew on me. That's the important thing. He grew on me, and it's honestly a sign of good writing that he was able to grow on me at all.

Thirdly: I think it's very, VERY funny that the only reason everyone didn't die half-way through the book is because one guy spoke up about not using every bomb available in order to destroy this one place. This guy saved the fucking world from being annihilated by nukes (yet again, cuz oops spoilers that's the twist it's set in post-nuclear apocalypse Europe) and then nobody even knows it but Jorg and his little group of bandit shitheads. And it's all because he didn't think it was necessary to go all out for one stupid fortress and told Jorg he had to tone it down a bit.

Comedy gold.

Now, what I didn't like:

Jorg. I've already mentioned he's a shithead. Massively so. Literally the book starts with him slaughtering a whole village for no reason, among other things. Literally the only reason I could find myself rooting for him is because the other guys were worse. So since I've already talked a lot about how much I don't like Jorg, I'm moving on.

The treatment of women is also very annoying. it's not as bad as having literally every female character get raped, but the only one who's given any development is the step-daughter of the king (jorg's dad) from his marriage to another woman after the first queen got murdered horribly. The only other woman of note I can think of is the dead queen and a sex worker that is treated like an idiot the whole time she's on screen. She and Jorg end up having sex anyway. It's gross.

Also. Racism. The only Black character is never given a real name and is consistently referred to by his race alone. He dies part way through the book (although he's still relevant a good while after) and is never given a proper name. And of course he was a slave and bandit and he's notable because apparently there aren't many other Black people in post-apoc Europe that aren't slaves??? Utterly bizarre. Do you have any idea how many Muslims live in France, as an example? Especially Black Muslims? Are you seriously telling me there wouldn't be ANY descendants of those people living as commoners in post-apoc Europe, even if not in what was once France specifically? Like, let's be generous and pretend that there aren't any Black nobility either because people are just THAT racist after the end of the world. Are you seriously saying there'd still be little to no free Black people around, at all? Are you stupid?

The fucking Asian character is treated better than this, and he's also a fucking slave whose been forced to be the wise old elder trying to teach Jorg about stuff and "put him on the right path" or w/e bs. But he at least has a name.

So overall I did not like this one, tbh. Even if there were a few things I did like a lot, there wasn't enough to keep me going other than the interesting setting twist and wanting to see how it ended. 3edgy5me, or whatever the meme was back in the late 2000s-early 2010s.

Would not rec.

2 - The Cat Who Saved Books by Sousuke Natsukawa

I liked this one a lot. 200+ pages, very short, but lots of warm feel-good with fantasy aspects to it as well. The different "worlds" where books were being treated badly were very interesting, and the different ways they were being treated badly was some good commentary on how people consume media. There were a lot of Western literary references which I didn't expect, but also since this was a translation and the author is Japanese I can see way, as part of the atmosphere of the book and playing into the protag's tastes and circumstances.

I was really interested in trying to learn what that last story the protag needed to confront was, because I wasn't sure who she was meant to represent, but it was probably more obvious in the original text and just couldn't be carried over to English well. I did like the whole "friends from past adventures coming to help the protag in his time of need" even if its a cliche, and there was just a lot of coziness to this one that I needed at the time I read it.

Loved this book. Would recommend.

3 - All Our Hidden Gifts by Caroline O'Donoghue

I admit, I picked this one up because it was from a publisher/imprint I'd never seen in store before and wanted to know what kind of stuff they published. The pretty art was also a selling point, as the setting in contemporary Ireand with Tarot stuff going on.

I wasn't sure if I'd like the protag at first, but I really did. Even with the rift between her and her childhood friend at the beginning and how it happened, I could really see why she did what she did, because I know that sort of thought process she had as she got older and wanted to "fit in" in her upper-class school. The fact she also ended up having to confront her privilege with how her family has far more means than most people was also a good part of her arc. I was also quite happy that she and her friend didn't make up right away at the end once the friend was saved, and that it was clear there was a long way to go between them.

The lore with the weird creepy card that started this whole mess was interesting, too. The fact that the spell the protag did was actually mutual on both her and her friend's part was an interesting touch I didn't expect--but it also makes sense? Especially with the foreshadowing that came after the incident with her having been seen willingly going with that manifestation of said card. The backstory about that other girl who stumbled upon that power but died without any help, and the fact that the nun(?) lady had all those news clippings in her car in the first place...those were good. The latter was touching, too, especially given the whole conflict against the religious cult.

Speaking of. Said religious cult. When the blurb says that this book touches on queer revolution, it's not joking around--this book goes fucking hard on the harm of anti-queer politics and what that religious cult is doing. The fact that the cult leader has magic also makes it even worse, considering he's manipulating people both with mundane tactics and literal fucking magic.

So uh. I wasn't in a great place to be reading that sort of thing when I got this, and with current politics I don't think I'll be able to read the next book any time soon either. But I did like this one a lot. Bonus points for the nonbinary character being amab, because--while I'm sure there's stuff out there--there's such a prevailing attitude of nonbinary being "femme lite" that it's so hard for me to find actual amab nonbinary rep. It's such a breath of fresh air. Like it shouldn't even be a thing that matters but...god, I need more amab nonbinary characters. Please.

Anyway. Great book. Goes hard. Would love to read the next one when I'm in a better headspace for it. Would recommend if you're in a good headspace for it.

4 - Never Coming Home by Kate Williams

It's And Then There Were None but if Fyre Festival. I was sold as soon as I read the blurb. I fucking love that idea and the And Then There Were None kind of mystery is like catnip to me. I loved that book when I first read it and I've been really into Agatha Christie-style mysteries in general. The recent Death on the Nile movie was loads of fun. I need to read more of her books and this helped scratch that murder-mystery itch I've been getting more into lately.

It's also good that the one actual big influencer was sus on everything from the start, precisely because most of these people were nobodies even in their own niche, by varying degrees from their helpfully-listed follower count in the beginning. Frankie Rus(s)h (the actual big influencer) only knows like, one person from an event they were both at and is very protective of her. Even so, she's still quite clearly flawed, and even a little selfish, and I like that.

The POVs all vary from chapter to chapter, as fitting the story its paying homage to. The way everyone's being taunted while they're trapped there at the same time they're getting picked off one-by-one is also nice psychological horror for those characters. Especially with the fact that the account for the event is updating with pictures of people that couldn't have been taken by any of them with riddle-like messages about who'll die next and how.

I also like that there was a character who was upfront about the thing they're guilty of right away. He knew he was the reason it happened, he did his time over it iirc, he made peace with his guilt and is fine with letting people know if it'll help figure out this mess. That's really good emotional maturity even if not everyone was as honest about their crimes as he was. Good stuff.

Now. Some problems.

That same character I don't feel was handled as great as he could've been. His whole thing is that he's a DJ, or at least was trying to make it as one, but ended up as more or less a drug dealer instead. I feel this would be fine if he were like, any other race but latino. Just...the drug dealer stereotype is too prevalent, especially with current politics, but I do applaud that the author tried to handle it as maturely as possible and made him far more nuanced than just a "druggie." He also didn't die first, and in fact lasted for a good while.

The alternating POVs between him and one other person right before his death was also good. Unreliable narrator clearly on display, with both of them being sure the other is the culprit in all of this. Tragic as all hell and really helps with the gut punch. Especially with how that other person died right after.

The only thing I was super confused about was the "explanation" part of the ending. It was framed as people theorizing online about it all (on reddit actually, I think) but I still didn't feel quite clear about the culprit's motivation for all of it. I might have to reread later to see if I can understand it better, but I do also know that scene was of the culprit literally trolling in order to try and dissuade people from thinking it was them.

Because they're still a public presence at the end and their family has been monetizing the shit out of the tragedy.

Yeah. Oof.

Still. Very good book. Loved it and it did the concept and homage justice. Would rec.

5 - The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner

Very interesting mystery, tbh. Contemporary/historical, with some people apparently having very YMMV feeling on how it was done. Personally I liked it a lot, the style and narration felt fitting. I really liked the emotional arcs of the characters, as well as the whole concept of an old herbalist going against her teachings in order to provide poison to women so that they can kill their husbands in an era where women didn't really have the ability to either divorce or else stop such people at all.

The relationship between the herbalist and the young girl was fun, and I really liked how the lady the girl was working for loved her like family. Enough to kill her husband so that he couldn't hurt the girl at all. The story with the modern-day historian was...less interesting tbh, mostly because for much of it I was worried it'd be more focused on the relationship drama with her cheating husband and their collapsing marriage more than it actually was. I wasn't super into the pregnancy scare plot either. But I did end up liking her side of the story more as the novel got further in.

It wasn't a super long novel either. Also in the 200+ page range. But the mystery/historical aspect was good, the modern characters not being able to get a full, conclusive idea of what happened in the past was good, and it was really fun watching the modern day historian do some breaking and entering in her search. fuck yeah, lady. trespass on private property to cope! fuck the police! lmao

Would recommend.

6 - So I'm a Spider, So What? #16 by Okina Baba

I liked most of it, up until the very end. The end ended up retroactively souring the rest of the book for me, if not the whole series. It was too abrupt, and the "epilogue" of 1-2 sentence paragraphs describing what happened to every character only made it worse. Especially given the fact that Sue is implied to be the one who "won" with Shun in the end, even though both volumes 15 and 16 make it explicitly clear she's not supposed to be seen in a good light with regards to her actions--starting from her rape attempt against Shun to how she selfishly inserts herself into the party of people meeting with the Demon Lord, and how that could very well have ended the world right then and there.

Like, Sue is not meant to be seen in anywhere near a positive light in volumes 15 and 16. She even keeps taking advantage of Shun's kindness even though he very firmly set boundaries with her, which is also presented as something negative, and yet she...somehow wins? Like, yeah, sure I am biased towards Katia. But Katia has also been pretty explicitly built-up as the "main" romantic interest for Shun since volume 1. Given the way Sue is treated/presented in the last few volumes, how she's been barely relevant for a majority of the series since volume 5, and with Katia being the obvious choice? It feels like a deliberate "fuck you." And it hurts. And it's honestly made me not want to go back and reread any of the series anymore for the parts I at least liked.

I've been wanting to write out a snippet/one-shot that sums up my feeling as to what should have been done with Sue since I had a chance to sit and process volume 16, but I can't even get myself to do that because of how sour it feels to even think about the ending. Even though I feel like it'd be cathartic to write such a fic. But I can't fucking get myself to do it. I knew people were saying the ending was bad, but I was really hoping it was people complaining for similar reasons as to why people didn't like vol 11-12 (aka, their reasoning was stupid).

But...no. They were right. The ending sucked. And I don't even know how to feel about the stupid series anymore. I don't even know if I want to have anything to do with it anymore.

And it hurts.

That's all I can say about this one.

7 - Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak

Loved this one. The way it was written, most people being genuinely nice and good, the possessed/haunted kid not being demonized? It was so good. It was something I needed when I picked it up. It took me a while to actually finish it, but the ending made me so happy I did. This book is horror, I should also mention, and the drawings periodically inserted into the story was a great touch.

As a side note: I was thinking to myself a few days ago how most of my experience with horror media has been indie games,* how a majority modern video games have an inherently visual element to them, and how House of Leaves--the only adult horror novel I'd read before picking up Hidden Pictures--also had a kind of visual element to it that most books lack. Obviously, most novels make up for the lack of visuals by invoking images in your head as you read the prose, such that you can still "see" things happening. House of Leaves, however, ends up taking it a step further by making the text itself a visual component, not just leaving it as "text" and relying on the reader's imagination.

I think, considering my tastes in horror media, it's not a surprise that the two adult horror books I've picked up--and loved--have had a visual component to them. I mean, the narratives themselves are compelling, don't get me wrong. The prose and story of both are phenomenal. I loved reading them as much as I enjoyed the "visual" aspects. But I noted that it was an interesting trend, considering.

But anyway. Loved Hidden Pictures. 100% would rec--especially to those who want something accessible to try and get into the horror genre with.

(*I also read a lot of horror manga/webtoons, but the sentence was long enough so I elected to include that down here. Either way, my point still stands re:my tastes in horror having a bent towards including some sort of visual aspect to the storytelling)

8 - My Next Life as a Villainess #6 by Satoru Yamaguchi

I tried getting back into Bakarina as a way of helping me out of a reading slump, wanting to read something easier to help ease me into reading in general (which worked, and was what helped me finish Hidden Pictures). I also bought another LN that I'll go on about down below to help with this. I liked...some of this one. But I was also feeling kind of sour by the end of it due to the way a certain character was handled.

To put it simply: there's a side character who is described in a way that more or less makes them a trans caricature. Super muscular, wears pretty dresses/frilly clothes, wants to be called by a feminine name, acts super feminine despite being repeatedly referred to as looking hypermasculine, etc. To top it off, her coworker insists in referring to her by her deadname. Everyone else treats her as a woman (including Katarina's narration), but this one guy doesn't. Consistently. To top it off, everyone's kind of creeped out and wary around this transwoman character, at least at first.

I will say, at the very least, in comparison to that male coworker who deadnames her the trans character is at least portrayed as competent at her job. She takes things seriously and is good at what she does. She also doesn't act creepy to the other characters, it's the other characters being creeped out by default and eventually warming up (which, isn't much better, but the bar is so low that it's still a step up). She's also very caring towards the other characters and wants to keep everyone safe. At the end, a different viewpoint character who the transwoman is giving a report to also takes her seriously and treats her as a woman, trusting her and knowing she's one of the better people in their organization (iirc. It's been a while since I've read all of these).

But none of this fully washed away the bitter taste I got from the way this character's appearance is so obviously meant as a joke/caricature. Especially in a time where I was already feeling down, and combined with how Kumoko's ending went it sucks even worse. Bakarina was/is another series I really enjoy--I've been keeping up with the fan translations of the manga releases and it's been nice to read something so comfy and light when I see there's been a new update. But now that I've read this volume, and now that the fan translation is getting into the content of this volume, it's been made sour for me too.

The plot was okay, I guess. I wasn't super fond of how mean one of the characters was to Katarina, although I understand why given his backstory. I liked Pochi getting a power-up and the others freaking out about it. But I felt thoroughly "meh" on basically everything and was disappointed with the stuff regarding that transwoman character.

I don't have anything super nice to say about this one, sorry. Moving on.

9 - I'm the Evil Lord of an Intergalactic Empire #1 by Yomu Mishima

Opposite to Bakarina, this one started out in a way that had me REALLY not want to read it, expecting the worst, and then turned my opinion around to a complete 180 as it went on.

I want to let you know, I've rarely ever had that happen to me. So I want to stress that this was actually good and funny, despite starting off on such an awful note. Like, I cannot understate how catastrophically the novel started out with regards to my expectations. I spotted a trope I don't like right away in the Table of Contents as one of the chapter titles, the full-color pages at the start being super super fanservicey, and the first chapter going into detail about how the reincarnated protagonist commissioned a big-tittied robot that had sexual capabilities programmed when he was a small child. And from there proceeding to grope said robot when she arrived, while still a small child.

And yet, it managed to redeem itself so well that I now consider it a favorite. I'm probably not going to buy any other volumes in the series, but I was actually laughing at some of the jokes at points. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a isekai manga that's actually funny? This LN started off so badly, but it managed to make me laugh. THIS KIND OF 108 NEVER. HAPPENS.

If you're wondering how it did that, then let me explain: first, it acknowledged several tropes common in isekai works (i.e., slave harems) as being a bad thing that will get people hating you and wanting you dead. The bar is so low but with the amount of works that don't manage to cross it, this was notable and improved my opinion just on its own. Then, the whole thing with the protag learning how to fight from a fraud because his brain is on anime and how what the guy was teaching him shouldn't actually be possible was incredibly funny. Failing upwards, and all that.

Then, this one older character being portrayed as incredibly pathetic and embarrassing for trying to do the honeypot thing. Too often, male teenage protags end up leaning into the gross pervert trope and let themselves go along with creepy fanservice no matter who it comes from. But this lady trying to seduce someone younger than her is shown as being embarrassing on her part, even humiliating that someone would even go that far. Again, this shouldn't be notable, but the fact that this LN was able to make such a point helped improve my opinion, because there's so many novels out there that can't even say that.

Then, when rescuing a bunch of people who've been held prisoner and traumatized (with heavy sexual connotations, even though nothing on-screen or outright is shown), the protag instead chooses to help them recover and even help them find places/jobs/etc. in his society instead of "mercy killing" them (which is something that happens far too often to victims of rape (or in this case, implied rape) in webnovels and such).

The fact that the bar is soooo fucking low but this novel manages to get all these things right? While managing to be actually funny at points alongside that? I genuinely can't believe the story pulled it off. It's insane.

Of course, the LN is not without its problems--there's still the way it started out, for instance. And there's other moments of unnecessary fanservice that doesn't happen to make a point like how that one scene with the honeypot does about it being dumb/pathetic/creepy/etc. There's also a bonus chapter in the back I felt was iffy, among other things.

But the fact it managed to turn my opinion around by this much? I think that counts for something. This one very much depends on whether or not you'll see the story the way I do by the end of it, so I can't give it a blanket rec, but if you're interested in trying it out? I'd say go for it. Just be aware that there's still stuff that's very much not great. I don't think people who aren't used to Weeb Ass Shit appearing in their anime/manga will like this one at all. So YMMV.

10 & 11 - Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree & Elantris by Brandon Sanderson

Putting these two together because it's been long enough I only have a few thoughts for each.

Legends and Lattes was nice and cozy. The stakes where actually higher than I expected re: the mafia thing or whatever, but that did get resolved without too much struggle, so that was nice. People being nice to each other and working together to make coffee and pastries. It's something I needed, and I'm glad I read it. Would rec.

Elantris was very obviously a debut novel. It didn't read as well as Mistborn did, the plot moved way too slowly for my tastes, and it hit kind of hard in places that I didn't want to be hit hard in. I get that it was setting up a sequel hook at the end, but for a standalone there were too many questions left unsolved. I get why, but even so, I wasn't super fond of this one. I remember wanting to see the noble ladies actually get to use the sword skills they were being taught but I feel like I remember that not happening. Would have to reread to double check.

I did at least like the political maneuvering, and I liked that the prince was able to reunite with his wife. I liked the organizing and faction conflict within the walled-off Elantris, too. But everything else was kind of...aggressively meh. I will say it treated its characters of color better than Prince of Thorns, though. They at least all get names and are treated as equals.

I think that's all the reviews. This took forever to sit down and write up but I got it done at least?

Currently reading Empire of Sand by Tasha Suri, am planning to read The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie after. Beyond that? We'll see.

[a-foray-into-magic]

Dueling Loss.

The day had started off with Bellatrix having a row with her father Cygnus. She'd just been getting her bag ready so she could return back to Hogwarts for the remainder of her seventh and final year. She had known this wasn't going to go well, as Cygnus approached and wanted to speak to her alone. "I would like you to distance yourself from Rodolphus." "I beg your pardon?" "I am having second thoughts. The Lestrange name bound to ours...it would be seen as stepping down. He isn't fit for us. The family deserves better. Surely you see the issue, my dear." Bellatrix set her bag down, listening. The desire to laugh was strong. But she refrained from it as it wasn't a laughing matter. "It's always the 'family'. Never me. You don't give a proper shit what I want, do you? Well, I don't give a damn what's good for the family this time. I want what's good for me and I'm not going to distance myself." She didn't say she loved him. If she did, Cygnus would undoubtedly break them up. Those were words that were foreign to her father. If Cygnus and Druella were hit by the Hogwarts Express, she would not have cared. She imagined herself as the one pushing them in front of the speeding train if she was honest. But she did not speak of how she felt for Rodolphus, not to anyone, though Cissy had an idea. The words had barely escaped her mouth when his fists came at her. Bella's mind went elsewhere as she took the beating. She could very well have hexed him. She could have cast protego to shield herself. She was an excellent witch. She didn't need anyone to tell her this. She was confident in her abilities. However, to use said skills on her father would be a death warrant. And if she were thrown out, who would take the brunt of the hits for Andie and Cissa during the summer holiday? Instead, she simply thought of other things. Other places. The only motion she made was to look at her watch. "I have to get the train," she finally spoke, her sides and core aching. He would never mark her face and let everyone know he beat his daughters. Rather, Bella at the very least. Grunting under her breath, Bellatrix lifted her bag and apparated to King's Cross. Seeing Rodolphus there, she approached, leaving him unaware that she'd just received a fierce beating over him. Instead, she spoke of their match at Duelling Club later on that day with great enthusiasm. Later That Day: Stepping up onto the dais, Bellatrix grinned as Rodolphus joined her. Standing back to back, they took the requisite paces before turning around. Allowing him to send out the first spell, she easily blocked it, returning fire--quite literally--with incendio! Bellatrix was enjoying the duel until the pain in her sides began to really ache. She could manage. She'd have to. They were nearly done. A few more minutes and she'd finish Rodolphus off, and the next match would begin. But as she felt a stabbing pain, Bellatrix realised something was quite wrong. To the point where she didn't block or counter and Rodolphus's curse hit her squarely in her chest and belly, knocking her to the ground. The witch didn't even care that she was going to lose. There was something wrong with her. How could she say so though? Her father would have her head if she mentioned the beatings. The one time that she did, he'd said she was 'given to delusions for attention'.

He was untouchable, and she was suffering for it.

The room went silent as they all stared, wondering if she was going to get up. Her perfect record was broken. It seemed impossible to believe. Bellatrix attempted to push herself up, but the pain was excruciating and she could barely breathe. The silence was finally broken by the sound of heavy footfalls approaching her, and then with soft apologies as Rodolphus lifted her. "N-no…" She pleaded with him. "Shhh." She didn't have the energy to further protest, instead remaining silent as he began to carry her to the hospital wing. "Open the bloody doors," Rodolphus demanded of an awestruck second year. "Duelling Club is done for the day, obviously. Bellatrix is ill." As soon as the doors were open, he moved swiftly through the school, cursing at the moving sets of stairs and curious eyes falling upon them. Bella was indifferent to it all as she lay in his arms. Perhaps she'd die, and be past the irritation of living. As soon as the thought entered her head, she thought of her sisters and pushed it out.

"I need help please!" Rodolphus called as they entered the hospital wing. The nurse blinked before motioning to an open bed where he lay her down with great care. "What happened?"

"We were at duelling club, but there's something wrong. I hit her with a single blast, but that's nothing to her usually. "

Madame Coughlin, a strong Irish witch in a little frame, shook her head. "What curse?" "Just a single defensive blast from my wand." The young wizard replied, before leaning in to whisper something in her ear. Whatever he said brought two flushed spots to the nurse's ear and she brushed her hands over Bella's sides. As she did so, the young witch groaned. She could have screamed, but she held that back.

"I need the Skelegro. Miss Black, lay down!" Bellatrix grunted. She'd rather have broken ribs than a taste of the wretched stuff. She could smell it as the nurse opened it, making her ill. Any medicine that came out of a bottle steaming ought to be banned. Bellatrix felt Rodolphus take her hand, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. He was trying to comfort her. He really was too good for her and her family. She sighed, opening her mouth and taking a sip, nearly spitting it out. It was the vilest thing and it burned going all the way down.

"You're safe here, Miss Black. Please rest," Madame Coughlin urged her. "Mr. Lestrange, you have to go now."

Rod looked down at her and Bella nodded. "Go take your victory lap," she murmured as the nurse gave her a sleeping draught.

When she awoke the following day, there were flowers from Cissa beside her on the table, and chocolate frogs from Andie. Beside her though, in a chair sat a tired Rodolphus.

"The winner!" she smirked, watching his face change as he registered that she was awake. Raising her hand to his lips, he shook his head. "No. You weren't in any condition to fight, my sweet Bella." "Take the win." "No. Now, what did you and your father fight about this time?" "I don't want to talk about this." "Bellatrix." His voice was soft, but firm. He wasn't going to let her off easily and she sighed.

"He said…he regretted putting us together. That….you aren't good enough for the Black family. I told him I didn't care what was good for the family and that you only had to be good enough for me." Bella's heavily lidded eyes fixed on his face. He had to know that he meant something to her now if she was brazen enough to state it to her father. "After he so eloquently told me what he thought about that…" She sighed. "It was time for me to get to King's Cross. I didn't realise how badly I was hurt. I've had broken ribs before. Madame Coughlin says I need another night in here, as she wants to make sure everything has healed up alright. At least I don't need more Skelegro."

Hurt was written on Rodolphus's face. His name was nearly as respected as Black within their world. They were purebloods with a long history. And considering that his parents were of a similar mind as her own, they were a fine match. Bella couldn't really imagine being stuck with anyone else. Merlin knew she wasn't easy to deal with and he did so without question or hesitation. He knew how to calm her rages down, and he understood what it was to live with overbearing parents who dictated every thought and action in their lives. He defended her when some were brave enough to dare insult her. But as his dark eyes met her own, the expression melted away. It was as if he realised what she'd said. That she had stood up for him. And not only had she stood up for him, but she had also made it clear that her mind would not be changed no matter what her father wanted. Bella had chosen him, as he had done for her time after time. She watched him quietly, her hand still in his. It was only a year and a half more until they were free to do as they liked. Break away from the chains that were their families. It would be a glorious day. But for now, they had this. They had Hogwarts, and they would manage.

[dear-ao3]

🇺🇸🇺🇸its friday then its saturday sunday WHAT🇺🇸🇺🇸 🇺🇸🇺🇸ITS FRIDAY THEN ITS SATURDAY SUNDAY WHAT🇺🇸🇺🇸

what the fuck is a kilometer everyone! in case you couldn't tell, this week were in miami, florida, usa. shit hit the fan big time (probably cause its Florida), penalties were dished out, questionable guests were invited, history was certainly made, celebrations were beyond had and silly season was positively sillying. today is may 10th and lets stage dive right in. and trust me, youre gonna wanna read this one :)

please note: i think this is the longest one weve had so far. i hit the photo and video limit. i was terrified i was going to hit the line limit as well.

so. the miami race. its another sprint weekend. back to back sprints. who thought that was a good idea. idk. wasnt me.

this is only the third time there has been a race in miami. and miami has already made its mark. both of the previous times f1 has gone there there were batshit bonkers things happening. especially in 2022:

-lando and daniel did a whole bit with james corden, the very origin of this look:

-sebastian vettel protested the fia mandating (trying to mandate? im not sure) inspecting drivers underwear to make sure that it was fireproof by wearing underwear on top of his race suit. his logic was essentially, well were all adults here and we can make desisions for ourselves, the fia has other shit to worry about (look it up if you want the whole story)

-sir lewis hamilton protested the fia jewelry ban by showing up to the press conference wearing what seems to be every piece of jewelry he had on hand. at the time, he was getting fined for wearing a nose stud in the car while other people were wearing wedding rings (apparently) (there is more to this story, look it up if you want, for now tho were just using it to set the miami scene as a race that has never known peace)

and also, fernando alonso served massive amounts of cunt in miami back in 2004:

on account of the fact that it is florida, this is also where the weird sort of washed up celebrities usually appear (you know the ones who are not cool enough to make it to monaco but still somehow end up at a gp?) and there were definitely several of those. ill talk about them later. so anyway, like most races, miami is usually a trip.

now that the scene is set, lets get some lights on. prior to the race, we had a....wide variety of stuff happen.

and lets just start with lando. hes back being a pr menace again.

so lando is friends with this dj named martin garrix. he did that song animals that had clubs in a chokehold back in like 2014. anyway. he is dutch. this will play a role momentarily. lando has toured around with martin before, notably over winter break on his frat boy pose world tour that i mentioned a good many several updates ago.

so earlier this week was kings day in amsterdam. aka the kings birthday. and a good excuse to wear orange and party. lando likes to party and mclarens team color is orange (dont come for me i know its Technically papaya), and hes friends with a dutch dj. so kings day found him on a boat in amsterdam having a regular old Time. (slight flash warning)

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anyway, brief tangent to say that one of the people he was on the boat with was none other than eva gutowski? the mylifeaseva youtuber? from like 2012? with the literally my life is beaches every single night, messy buns and christmas lights song? yeah not on my bingo board to see her, martin garrix and lando norris all partying on a boat in an amsterdam canal together, but cest la vie i suppose!

all was going well for lando until this photo started circulating:

turns out he did not break his nose, he somehow just managed to cut it on some smashed glass. presumably by smashing a glass into his face, as he later mimed to max during the drivers parade. thankfully that meant that he was going to be able to drive in miami!

his official statement to the press during media day was its "a little bit silly. looked a lot worse, everyone thought it was horrendous and it was just a little cut. I wish i had a cooler story, but sadly its not"

martin garrix later said that it was from a cup that had a chip on the rim and he took a sip from it and the rum cut his nose, but because of the placement it started bleeding a lot and they put bandaids on it and then someone mummied him with the gauze, someone else took a citure of it which went viral and everyone (including mclaren) saw it and thought that martin had broken his nose.

in a mclaren video that he did later on with oscar, he jokes that he had gotten a nose job.

aside from that, lando also went to the miami heat game. so did some other drivers (like pierre), but his teammate oscar also went.

you might be wondering oh thats nice, did they go together?

well. look at the comparison of where they were sitting:

lando has court side tickets and is dressed like a frat boy (complete with a nose bandage) and oscar is seemingly on the other side of the court about 10-15 rows up. i sincerely doubt the other knew they were going.

moving on from mclaren. we have mercedes.

for some reason, and i really could not tell you why, merc decided to create an emoji car on WhatsApp and premier it on the empire state building. yes, on it.

toto and lewis flipped the switch themselves, and it looked vaguely like a wedding photo or baby announcement or something equally insane.

lewis also got to drive on 5th avenue:

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aparently he was told by the mayor of new york to Not do doughnuts but well, hes lewis hamilton, and he did them anyway and said hey guys its not my fault that i had to do doughnuts its the Car's fault cause i cant really u turn in it

and side note, in case you are wondering, the marks from his doughnuts are still there (at least as of may 4 cause i marched my ass down 5th avenue when i was in the city this weekend and gazed upon them. would recommend)

reguardless of just how much lewis slayed though, the emoji car did look decently silly:

the mercedes social media admin, who are notoriously bonkers, also shitted on how shit the actual merc f1 car is by making their twitter bio to "home of the whatsapp emoji car"

george was notably nowhere to be found at the emoji car reveal in the city (i know hes in the photo, that was from the race weekend itself) worry not everyone, we will get to him later.

meanwhile, alpine.

in case you need a refresher, alpine are not doing too hot at all. theyre doing pretty bad actually. but, people own stake in the team. and one of those people happens to be travis kelce, football player for the kansas city chiefs and taylor swifts boyfriend.

idk why he owns stake in alpine, but he does. and leading up to the race, reportedly, he and taylor were going to be in the paddock at the alpine garage. this was all very much according to rumors, but it was rumored to be plausible because this would be the last weekend taylor has off before the next leg of the international eras tour starts.

why do we care if taylor is in the paddock?

well.

a decent chunk of fernando alonso's internet presence is entirely based around the insane omg hes dating taylor swift rumors. (he wasnt, but as we saw in the last update, the social media team can really get him to play into it) and wouldn't it just be hilarious if they were in the same place, but thwarted by estie bestie and pierre gasley??

taylor though did not end up in the paddock. but travis kelce did. but there will be a weird celebrities section later.

checo was asked aparently what taylor swift album was his favorite. he said that he was in his tortured poets department era because it was hot. i dont have a source for this one, y'all are just going to have to trust me that it actually happened.

yuki also shoved a bunch of footballs under his shirt on media day: (unfortunately i seem o have lost the link to this video)

and this weekend was logan's home race. technically, cause hes american, he has three home races, but since this one is in miami and hes grew up a hop skip and a jump away in fort lauderdale, this is the one that really counts for him. and they made him do some interesting pr including wearing a duracell sorts bra over a shirt to play soccer with a bunch of professional soccer players (idk who they are ok, sue me ig)

he also quizzed alex albon on america slang. but it wasnt really american slang, it was more like tiktok slang. reguardless, we got to hear logan stay stuff like pookie and no cap.

also. tom brady was in the Williams garage. he looked like he would murder for logan sargeant. (to be fair so dod jenson button)

and. on a more somber note. this weekend was also the 30th anniversary of ayrton senna's death. senna was a Brazilian driver in the 80s and 90s and won the championship in 88, 90 and 91. he died during a crash in the 1994 imola gp while racing for williams. (he was also not the only driver to die that weekend, with roland ratzenberger dying the previous say during the qualifying session). (again though this happened 30 years ago and i dont have time to talk about it on this post, if you want to know the full details of that entire very tragic weekend you can read about it here)

senna is famously known for the line "if you no longer go for a gap that exists you are no longer a racing driver." this will become relevant later.

sebastian vettel made an instagram announcement saying that he was going to be driving one of sennas cars at the imola gp this year in honor of ayrton sennas memory. why is he the one doing it? because im pretty sure he owns the car

aside from that. before we get into the really good juicy shit. we also had some new pet pics.

zhou posted some new pictures of his cat sweetcorn and charles's dog leo continues to serve lost in the sauce realness:

and we learned that valtteri has a reindeer named rosa

leo was also featured in charles's instagram post from miami and yes Technically this was from After the race but its my post and i can do what i want so heres leo:

he posted these photos, plus a few more on his instagram with the caption:

"he is very fast, he is very cool, he is very scary and very brave, he is everything. Leo 👑🤍"

which is just. heart melting. also his dog has a paddock pass?????

lance stroll has a new sponsor, its krown produce.

charles leclerc once again pulled up to the track in a fancy little sports car that was decked out in maimi ferrari blue and failed to park it

george russell nearly killed ed sheeran on a hot lap

and that of course takes us to the washed up celebrities. there were many famous people there but im just going to touch on the unholy trinity of (and yes i am being serious here) jake paul, james charles and the previous president of the united states of America.

now. while it is baffling that jake was in the ferrari garage (and seemingly a charles leclerc fan and also who on earth told him that beard looked good?) and understandably hilarious that max and checo clearly are scared of james charles, the trump thing is decently upsetting.

here, once again, is where i will interject my opinion.

should they have done this? fuck no. aside from what trump stands for (in case you are somehow unfamiliar, hes being tried for several crimes and also wants to destroy democracy and is trying to run for president again this year, to put it very very mildly he is controversial especially to americans and this was an american race) f1 is supposed to be a non political sport (a rule put in place by the fia following lewis hamilton and sebastian vettel speaking out for black lives matter and gay rights respectfully)

and mclaren did make a statement about this which said:

"mclaren is a non political organization however we recognize and respect the office of the president of the united states. so when the request was made to visit our garage on race day we accepted alongside the president of the fia and the ceos of liberty media and formula 1. we were honored that mcalren racing was chosen as the representative of f1 which gave us the opportunity to showcase the world class engineering that we bring to motorsport"

which makes it sound at least to me like this was not their idea to invite him and if the fia president is saying hey this guys coming to your garage you cant really exactly say no to him (should they have fought it? yes. mclaren might be a british team but zak brown is american and he also follows trump on instagram so at the very least he Definitely knew what message this would send if no one else did)

lando was asked about his presence and im not going to quote his response here cause simply i dont want to take up more space writing about trump than i need to. but i will say that he looked uncomfortable during the question (which also shouldnt have been allowed to be asked in the first place) and at the end he kind of looks at Charles and shrugs like "idk man" and yes his response is not worded very well and im not saying that he supports trump, im also not saying he doesnt. i dont know the guy. but i would like to take this moment to remind everyone of a few years ago when lando did defend lewis on social media and called out people who were being racist towards him and remind everyone that he was one of very few drivers to kneel at a race in support of black lives matter. not everyone participated and also not everyone of those participants kneeled. so do with this information what you will. if you want to see his response it can be found here

but obviously, we are all here for the racing. so lets get into it.

miami saw two special liveries.

rb dropped their livery with zero lead up and pretty much as a total surprise. it fucking slayed:

on instagram someone asked why they didnt hype it. the vcarb admin responded with "no need to hype when you can COOK! 🧑‍🍳"

this was definitely a dig at ferrari who also did a special miami livery that they hyped up to no end. like seriously, it was stupidly drawn out. china had barely ended and they were like hey. psst. hey guys. to distract you all from the fact that this was the first time all season we haven't been on the podium we've got a little secret. were bringing back the blue for the miami race!

and everyone was like huh?! theyre going blue!!! how cool!!!

and it did seem like it would be cool. they revealed the suits first:

and then they talked relentlessly about the two colors they were using and how important they are to historical ferrari and blah blah blah

and then carlos and charles did special edition blue helmets and we were all like ok ok its serious omg its real ok this is going to be like dinoco lightning McQueen!

and then. they revealed this: (please imagine that one dan howell womp boat noise esque sound effect here)

which is just. a disappointment. really. the blue looks kind of gray. we could have had it all but we lost it.

and will buxton, who i have talked about before hes one of the sky sports presenters, had this to say about the whole blue car ordeal, which is just so real of him:

"ferrari have been teasing this livery for ages oOooOooo its gonna be blue!!! going back to north america! in 1964 ferrari ran a... well not to get too complicated but they ran a blue and white livery in north america, mainly because they were upset with the italian federation and the fia who failed to validate one of their sports cars... ANYWAY so they ran a blue and white car, ferrari have decided to may homage to the history by....not doing that kind of a livery at all. just...chucking on some light blue and some other blue. bit of a mish mash hodge podge weirdness that doesnt really work. BUT the overalls look Amazing. the shirts look Amazing. im not a fan of the car livery, i just think its a Mess. its a Mess, like you could have done something Classic and Beautiful kinda like that *gestures to his shoes* blue and white!"

will buxton, everyone!! and before you ask, yes that is exactly how he speaks. you can watch that clip here if you dont believe me.

and you might be noticing one or two or eight or actually 15 hp logos on that car. (personally i think they did blue for the hp not for north america but thats just me) and that is because hp is now a title sponsor of ferrari. they are now scuderia ferrari hp. and yes, the hp logo on the suits makes it look like they are telletubbies and yes everyone in italy is like hello Why did we do this and for those answers we will have to get straight into silly season

now. silly season has officially started. i know everyone was like oh it wont Really Start until merc decide whos got the second seat. well throw that straight out the window like a snake in a bag cause theres a new contender in town:

adrian newey.

we've talked about him before. hes the chief technical officer of red bull racing. hes a very good car designer and aerodynamicist.

how good is he? you might be asking. allow me to enlighten you:

newey joined williams in 1991. in 1992 they won the constructors championship. they won again in 1993 and 1994. and 1996 and 1997.

newey joined mclaren in 1997. in 1998 they won the constructors championship and in 1999 they won the drivers.

newey joined red bull in 2006. red bull won the constructors championship in 2010. and again in 2011, 2012 and 2013. then again in 2021 (drivers only, not constructors), 2022 and 2023.

he has helped to build 14 championship winning cars. soon to be 15 if max wins this season again.

well! mr newey has decided that he has had enough of the weird red bull politics (reportedly he didnt like how the assault thing got swept under the rug and largely ignored and tbh good for him) and he has announced that he is leaving red bull at the end of the year.

despite the fact that it really seems like newey is leaving Because of christian (at least somewhat indirectly), christian had this to say about him:

"for me, when adrian joined red bull, he was already a superstar designer. two decades and 13 championships later he leaves as a true legend. he is also my friend and someone i will be eternally grateful to for everything he brought to our partnership. all of our greatest moments from the past 20 years have come with adrian's hand on the technical tiller. the legacy he leaves behind will echo through the halls of milton keynes and the rb17 track car will be a fitting testament and legacy to his time with us."

horner did claim that this was "coming for some time" and was not a result of tensions at red bull

now thats all fine and dandy and slightly ironic but where is newey going?

the short answer is, we dont know!

the long answer is that there have been rumors that he has talked to basically every team on the grid. there is also speculation that he will retire. but the rumors about this are kinda funny and literally every day someone is claiming something different.

at the start, we knew it was likely going to be aston martin or ferrari signing him. but now seemingly everyone has talked to him.

important to note that theres a whole lot of clauses and technicalities on him signing with another team because of how the cars are built and when they are built. originally it was proposed that he would not be able to work on a car until 2027, but it seems that red bull agreed to an exit that allows him to join a rival team as soon as he departs red bull in early 2025.

so who wants him?

-reportedly lawrence stroll wanted him to sign with aston martin. i haven't heard anything about this in awhile but aparently they asked fernando Alonso about this this weekend. newey had said before that he would like to work with fernando. i cant find the link but i think that newey previously said that he doesnt like lawrence stroll

-toto wolff is desperately trying to get his grubby little hands on adrian and at this point its so funny. aparently adrian doesnt want to work with toto cause he also doesnt like him and he also doesnt want to work with the team in a post lewis state (rip) and he thinks it might take merc too long to get back on top and after a long time at red bull, he doesnt want to be with a team that long again. this has not stopped toto from trying to sign him tho. its still rumored that newey might be talking to merc after the miami race.

-williams aparently has also talked to mr newey. its no secret that williams absolutely suck right now. so they need all the help they can get. which is essentially what james vowels said about talking to newey: "I think we as Williams have a huge amount of work to do. Adrian or not, our task is enormous -- and Adrian wouldn't make it easier, but that's the whole point." he said that discussions with adrian have been "light" but there still have been discussions

-zak brown of mclaren has also talked about how he is "not surprised" that newey decided to leave red bull at all and thinks it is in fact because of christian (aparently lots of people have left red bull to go to other teams) and he has seen an "increase in cvs" coming from red bull employees at mclaren. (its also implied that zak thinks this might cause red bull to eventually leave the grid, remember that they are just an energy drink company after all) it doesnt Seem like mclaren have been talking about signing newey, but whos to really say at this point (toto wolff also agrees with zak on increase in cvs and was quoted as saying "zak is absolutely correct, we are seeing red bull cv's though all the levels" and then horner clapped back with a statement that toto should be more worried since red bull poached "over 200 staff from the mercedes engine department"

-there was also weird hinting about newey from stake??? of all teams??? in the form of this instagram video that they posted which unfortunately i cant insert in here cause i have more important videos that take precedence but from what i van understand its a video of several stake employees doing tests very very distractedly to an audio from the kardashians dishing tea and dirt, with the caption "Us when there’s Adrian Newey rumours in the paddock 👀" (red bull commented on this video with " Everyone is an Adrian Newey fan 💁"

-also pierre gasley posted an instagram photo in his miami dump with newey. which is interesting timing.

-there is also the chance that he could retire. newey said, in response to lewis and charles complimenting him "im very flattered by their words, at the moment I just want to take a break. we'll see..." and a reporter (dont know how reliable this reporter is) named jeremy clarkson from the sun said "late last year, newey started working on a new sailing boat. and as hes now 65 years old, who knows? he might just decide to be better off and spend the autumn of his years sailing around the world in that"

-and the last people we know who are really Interested are ferrari. and this is an interesting one. from an outside perspective, it seems like ferrari have the best chance. they have reportedly offered newey a contract of 100 million euros for four years and there have been rumors that fred vasseur has met with him in london. and even other rumors that he is actually going to ferrari. newey has also said that he wishes he had worked with lewis hamilton during his career, and that happens to be where lewis is going next year.

but when looking at ferrari, we need to consider something else. the hp sponsor.

now. this is all speculation. it is also mostly all my own personal speculation, but i needed to include it so forgive me.

people have been speculating and wondering why ferrari would accept a title sponsor. they have had them before with Marlboro, and mission winnow. and now we have hp. but there were a few years in the middle of mission winnow and hp where there was no title sponsor. now they have one and they are scuderia ferrari hp.

this is interesting. especially when you consider that hp is rumored to be covering "about 66% of the teams budget cap."

this is estimated to be about the same amount of money as red bulls oracle title sponsorship, which is 90 million a year, roughly.

now. come with me down the rabbit hole for a moment. i invite you in.

lets first look at the facts. ferrari announced lewis would be driving for them in 2025 on feb 1, 2024. but we know the contract was signed sometime in january and the talks must have predated that. reportedly, theyre paying lewis a whole fucking lot.

but! i dont think they would have promised to pay him money that they didnt have. hence, i dont think that the hp sponsorship was signed to afford lewis. also, again this was back in january and its now may.

the horner situation blew up inearly february, right after it was announced that lewis had signed with ferrari. and yes there had been some speculation that newey was leaving the team before then, but then it became more official, with newey only making it known it was a real possibility within the last month.

i propose that ferrari had only planned to sign lewis initially and they had the money for it, hence why they did it. but as soon as it became clear that newey was also on the table (which again, wasnt until recently) that must have sparked the search for a title sponsor. (again, i know these things take time, but i really dont think this was a thing pre lewis contract)

so. im thinking that ferrari partnered with hp to help them afford newey.

and! if you doubt me!!! look at what lewis had to say at the press conference this weekend!!!

"id love to work with him in the future, he'd absolutely be at the top of [the list]"

like LOOK at that SMIRK. he knows things. we've seen this smirk before. when he was signing with ferrari. im telling you all. 8th world drivers championship for lewis. its coming. its happening. i feel it in my toes.

anyway, back to what's really going on and not just my unadulterated opinion.

silly season.

our next driver contract was signed. and it was nico hulkenberg for audi. now audi will not be an official team until 2026 (they are replacing stake) so. this means three things:

there is now an open seat at haas for someone new to enter the team (likely for ollie bearman, who is already a reserve driver, will have 6 practice sessions with haas and replaced carlos in saudi) (kevin magnussen was asked what he thought about this and he said "i’m not really here to take care of young kids, you know? I do that at home...so, hopefully, the guy we have in the car will be competent, professional, and consistent like Nico has been, and we’ll see if I’ll be in the other car."

since nico is singing at sauber for 2025 and its understood that he technically singed with Audi so, this means he has at minimum a 2 year contract

either valtteri or zhou will lose their sauber seat to nico hulkenberg

as people online pointed out this has massive parallels to 2013 when lewis hamilton joined a new team, nico hulkenberg joined sauber, there was a massive regulation change for the nest year and it was the fourth season of red bull dominance. of course, 2013 was also the last year of the red bull dominance before it got passed off to merc. so does that mean .... red bull will lose their dominance in the rrew 2026 regulation changes without newey??? will history once again repeat????

valtteri said that he is "speaking to multiple teams. some talks have advanced more than the others"

also talking to audi, we know, was carlos sainz. reportedly audi offered him a fuckton of money. and also reportedly, carlos has rejected the offer. he seems to be holding out for merc or red bull. but there have been several statements from people at audi that carlos is still their prime target. dont know how accurate that actually is.

yuki tsunoda is reportedly on audis short list of drivers. we will see if he gets offered something now that carlos has reportedly rejected audis offer.

carlos is still unemployed.

and what of max verstappen?

well. he seems generally unbothered. despite the fact that toto is still actively trying to recruit him.

he is supposed to have a conversation with mercedes on monday (may 6) about moving to merc. they reportedly want to offer max a ridiculously high salary. (for context, i think max is making around 55 million USD per year now and is (likely) the highest paid driver) (this does not include money from sponsorships either)

what the number is is disputed. some reports say 160 million USD. some day 270 million USD. whatever the real number is, it is high. theres also rumors that they would bring in helmet marko for him.

heres what max had to say earlier this week:

"250 million euros? no. im happy with what im earningg already. if youre driving for p5 or p6, you get quite grumpy. its always about performances at the end of the day, everyone knows that and toto knows that."

essentially. he doesnt care if hes making a shit ton of money and loosing when he could be making a bit less of a shitton of money and winning. worth pointing out, we really dont know anything because toto said this earlier this week as well:

"people make up meetings, make up what's happening with the drivers but those things should be behind closed doors and everything thats been out there was not really the right thing."

christian horner, of course, had a response to all of this. because he cannot resist a good cat fight with toto wolff:

"why on earth would you want to leave [red bull]? mercedes are the third team, behind their customers at the moment. i dont think toto's problems are his drivers. his time would be better spent perhaps focusing on [mercedes] rather than the driver market"

and hes right about some of it. but also there are plenty of good reasons to leave red bull given what happened earlier this year and the power dynamic theyre stuck in, as we have seen many people doing (reportedly via zak brown) including adrian newey.

and, you might be wondering, didnt merc want to sign kimi antonelli at one point? and you are right. and funny you should mention him.

he did a test drive of the 2022 (? might have been 2021 ive seen conflicting reports) merc car i think it was just before chinese gp. and his one lap time record was a 1:21.00. people have compared this to george russells personal fastest lap in the 2022 car which was in imola and was a 1:20.962. now theres a lot that goes into a lap and these were on two different tracks and track conditions were different and all that. not to mention that in imola when george did that lap it was sorta wet ish and the fuel loads were different and a million other things. it is still though impressive.

(but lets remember when daniel tested the red bull last year before he replaced de vries he was a tenth off max verstappen and now hes struggling for points so)

now. there are also rampant rumors that kimi is going to replace logan sargeant for the imola gp. which is the race after miami. the rumors speculate that merc is going to loan kimi to Williams (remember they all have the same engines so this isn't unheard of) for 2024 and 2025 and then have kimi join merc in 2026.

this is unlikely, but then the fia reportedly received a request to allow kimi his super license, which they would need to get special permission for because he is under 18 until august 25. reportedly, both toto and james vowels denied that they made this request. which is interesting. well, it was explicitly denied by toto, james just said that kimi would not be racing for williams at imola.

james vowels, williams team principal, was asked about this possibility on media days and he said that logan would not be replaced:

"lets put it this way. I haven't spoken to kimi since abu dhabi last year. hopefully that puts it in context, i knoe nothing about what's going on. with mercedes tests right now. we are looking, as everyone else is, for where we wanna be on driver line up for next year. sane we have our own young driver program. in the case of kimi, i cant really adjudicate the level hes at. in case of him coming into the car this year, ive always said from the beginning its a meritocracy, logan has to earn his seat and at the moment he has sone tough targets where he was to get much closer to alex but there was nothing on the radar at the moment for replacing him."

now, its already regarded that williams wrecked logans career by taking him out of f2 before he was ready (he was supposed to have another year in f2) so it would be bad for them to wreck two peoples careers in a row.

nico rosberg had something to say on the matter of kimi last week:

"antonelli is definitely a superstar of the future, but unfortunately timing wise its really too early for him, and especially too early for toto to be able to make a decision. i mean, he needs to wait until somewhat later in the year as we see how antonelli does in f2 also, because he does need a really strong season in f2 to even make it a possibility for him to go straight to mercedes"

cause remember, merc doesnt usually sign rookies. actually they never have. they've only ever had michael schumacher, nico rosberg, sir lewis hamilton, valtteri bottas and george russell drive for them. nico, valtteri and george were previously at williams, lewis came in already a world champion from mclaren with one of the strongest rookie seasons in f1 history and michael schumacher was, well, michael fucking schumacher. no rookies to be seen.

aside from all that. theres some rumors that gunther steiner wants to take over the vcarb team with investors. and that hes suing haas for essentially not paying him.

now. ive already said a million times on this post that lando and oscar are perpetually unbothered by silly season in the funniest way possible. but now we have two new contenders for that spot: our friends the mercedes drivers.

that is right! sir lewis hamilton couldnt give less of a fucking shit this year. maybe its cause he finally knows that hes going to be free of the absolutely ass mercedes car after this year and have a decent and real shot at winning again next year at ferrari, esp if they're going to sign adrian newey.

well. at the beginning of the season he was giving no shits and signing ferrari caps left right and center. then, aparently mercedes pr yelled at him for this, and hes now only allowed to sign mercedes hats only. video link to this is here. this has not stopped lewis. he now wears a bracelet that says "forza ferrari"

he was also tits out pretty much all weekend, which is not unusual, but its good to see him slay:

and then we have george russell.

george, as we know, will be staying at mercedes for 2025. and as we also know, the mercedes second seat is a hot item in the paddock. Everyone has been speculated to be going to mercedes. from max to carlos to kimi to even esteban ocon. toto is reportedly trying to spend over a hundred million dollars on getting a second driver and trying to sign adrian newey. the current car is a shit box.

and what, pray tell, is george up to in all of this???

hes chilling, tits out, on a beach:

not an absolute care in the world.

but. with all this in mind. with all of that in mind. lets dive into practice 1.

i didnt actually watch practice 1, but my sister did and she sent me some notes.

the most interesting thing to happen at practice 1 was that charles went for a little spin on the track because his clutch decided to give up because his car overheated, resulting in a red flag. he did not restart the practice session and only did 3 laps in total. not great when you remember the next thing is a sprint qualifying session. also, he asked his engineer what he should do. and his engineer kinda ghosted him.

there were also a slew of upgrades on various cars.

pierre now has all the upgrades that esteban has (which is mostly a lighter chassis), mercedes had an upgrade as well, but everyone was really looking at mclaren.

mercedes also had upgrades. as we would see throughout the weekend, they basically did nothing.

mclaren pretty much revamped their whole car. lando had the full update and oscar had about half and would get the other half for imola (the next race). the update included changes to the:

front wing

front suspension

front corner

floor body

sidepod inlet

coke/engine cover

cooling louvres

rear suspension

rear corner

beam wing

all in all to say, it was a lot of upgrades. according to zak brown, oscar, who had half the upgrades, was running .2 seconds a lap slower than lando was on set up alone. despite this, oscar still took p2 in practice. only .105 seconds behind max verstappen. unfortunately, lando was tweaking the set up during practice and was not able to do a flying lap, so heading into the sprint qualifying we didnt know how fast the full upgrade package actually was. but given oscars pace, we could only assume that it was fast.

moving onto the sprint qualifying

first of all. it was hot. fucking hot as hell. this meant several things, the most important one being that the cars were going to absolutely eat the tires. the first two quarters of qualifying were all done on medium tires, so it wasnt as much of a problem, but the last quarter was done on softs (as per the rules) which were only good for one lap.

valtteri bottas had a new race engineer starting this race and at one point he failed to tell valtteri while he was changing some settings that oscar piastri was coming up behind him at full speed and the two of them nearly collided. but they did not. there was no contact between the two cars. valtteri did though get a three place grid penalty for the sprint race. later on, zak brown referred to the incident as a "alpha make turf war." i am not making this up i promise.

logan sargeant, everyones favorite poor little meow meow, was down in 20th at the end of q1 (but did managed to go fastest in the third sector of the track) and was thus knocked out. his teammate, alex albon, was up in p16 (and also knocked out). but!!! alex got his lap time deleted for violating track limits (literally he just drove over the whole chicane, didnt even bother to turn) which knocked him down to p20 and logan up to p19. it also meant that for the first time EVER logan had out qualified his teammate

despite this, he still called himself a dumb fuck over the radio and slammed his hand on his car

someone (maybe it was martin bundle?) was telling everyone that when he did a hot lap with george around the track earlier, george was telling him that there was one section of the track at turn 16 where the sponsor boards around the edge of the track turn into a darker purple and george was saying that it was harder to judge there where the wall was because of the color change. and the commentators deliberated over whether or not this could be a legit thing.

but then one by one, pretty much everyone rammed into the wall. including sir lewis hamilton who, according to martin brundle "made more mistakes in that sector than he used to in a season." he got out in q2.

and then all eyes were on george russell, who might just be able to save merc, but, he was running a little slower than he needed to be and crofty said "george russell might make it a double miserable day for mercedes and he did” and he was out in q2 as well. the camera cut to toto sitting in the garage and he looked Less Than Pleased. and then merc also got investigated for their pit crew not wearing their helmets when lewis came through the pit lane.

so heading into q3 there were a butt ton of pissed off drivers that were out. how do we know they were pissed off? well when they got out of the car and walked down the pit lane, they all still had their helmets on, which i believe it was one nico rosberg said once meant that they were pissed and didnt want to deal with the cameras.

but the 10 people who were still in were all sitting in their garages. waiting.

waiting for what? for the session to be half over so they could all go out and get in everyone else's way. because remember, they are all on soft tires and the soft tires are only good for one lap. everyone came out of the garages with about 4 minutes left. so everyone had one shot to get a good lap.

lando norris had been p1 in both of the previous rounds while he was on the medium tires, but now that he was on the soft tires he couldn't find the pace. or, perhaps it was that his tires were not warm enough, because he did manage to go fastest in the last sector of everyone.

which meant, of course, that max verstappen pulled out a p1. he was very surprised that he managed it because he had a screw up at one point where he lost time. upon being told that he was in fact in pole position he said "lol, what happened to the others? that was terrible! ill take it" in his post interview he as asked how his lap felt and he said "to be honest with you it felt pretty terrible" would this be an omen for max? idk lets find out!

most surprising out of everything was daniel ricciardo managing to get p4. not only did he out qualify his teammate, but he hasn't been that high up on the grid since the texas gp in 2023. he was positively Thrilled with it to. he did his little "KI KI KI AY AY AY" over the radio and in his interview after said that "we belong towards the front, so happy for everyone"

max also stared at charles's ass afterwards

and for some reason, before the sprint race, lando cohosted a yoga session on a beach that was sponsored by hilton???

yeah man i have no idea either. he kept saying he didnt like the sand and brushed off his hands a million and seven times. (this was also funny cause it was star wars day (may 4th))

and the next day everyone geared up for the sprint race. and it was fucking bonkers. i know i say lots of things are bonkers. this one takes the cake. it was a race of penalties. with the first one going to esteban ocon before he even made it to the grid for running into charles leclerc in the pitlane and breaking his front wing.

everyone pulled up to the grid in their starting order:

p1: max p2: charles p3: checo p4: daniel p5: carlos p6: oscar p7: lance p8: fernando p9: lando p10: nico p11: george p12: lewis p13: esteban p14: kevin p15: yuki p16: pierre p17: zhou p18: logan p19: alex p20: valtteri

martin brundle was discussing tires. specifically he was discussing the importance of warning up the tires. saying that the tires need to go through a "heat cycle." which is just. such a choice of words. i know this is probably a real legit term. but sir, i grew up on tumblr.com. such sentences are jarring.

and then the lights went out. away they went. and immediately it all went to hell in a flaming hot hand basket.

the aston martins of fernando and lance decides to kiss, lewis went for a gap and knocked into them and that whole kerfuffle shoved lando off the track in turn one.

this brought out an immediate yellow flag and left the rest of the midfield picking up the pieces.

"whoa," fernando said over the radio, 'hamilton arrived like a bull!"

"i think you'll find it was your teammate that arrived like a bull first," crofty said up in the commentary box. "and then hamilton came and doubled the trouble."

meanwhile, in his own car, hamilton said "there was a gap on the inside so i took it," all but dedicating his move to the late and great ayrton senna

reguardless of whos fault it really was, the stewards didnt care because they chose not to investigate it further. zak brown thought that this was stupid because it was clearly a driver error.

lando gave no shits even though he had been knocked out of the race at no fault of his own and decided that he was going to walk across the track after he got out of the car. that walk later cost him 50,000 dollars worth of fines. thankfully. the damage on his car was minor. meaning he could still do qualifying for the race later in the afternoon.

in addition to lando, lance stroll was forced to retire his car as well. and fernando alonso had a tire puncture.

later on lando said "nothing i could have done. i think today we payed the price for being around others that are careless..... ill get it back tomorrow."

a safety car was called on lap three to clear the damage.

when the safety car ended on lap 4, the grid had been properly shuffled up:

p1: max p2: charles p3: daniel p4: checo p5: carlos p6: oscar p7: ncio p8: kevin p9: lewis p10: yuki p11: pierre p12: logan p13: zhou p14: george p15: valtteri p16: alex p17: esteban p18: fernando

and a reminder: in a sprint race, only down to 8th place gets points. this will become a key detail.

on lap 5 checo overtook daniel, putting daniel into 4th infront of carlos sainz.

now, one thing you need to know about danny rics is that hes a late brake king. meaning that he knows Exactly how to milk the most out of his car by pushing it to the last possible second before braking into the turns, giving himself just a slight edge and a few tenths of a second of space between him and whoever is behind him. notably, this is how he was able to win in monaco in 2018, with an MGU-K failure that made his engine have 25% less horsepower, and only two (out of eight) functioning gears while holding off sebastian vettel in a ferrari. hes a regular expert at late braking.

and his next victim was none other than carlos sainz. because, lets be honest here, hes in a shitbox car, defending against a ferrari while trying to catch a red bull.

and at the beginning, checo was holding daniel in his DRS zone (within 1 second of him to give daniel a speed boost so that he could stay in front of carlos so that carlos wouldn't pass daniel and then pass checo) while carlos was still only .3 seconds behind daniel with DRS. late brake king indeed.

but while that battle was shaping up, there was another battle.

on lap 8 we had the return of another king. the kevin magnussen menace king.

if you recall, in saudi arabia, kevin got 20 seconds worth of penalties and used that to drive like an absolute madman, royally holding up the whole back of the grid so that his teammate nico could score a point in the race.

and well. nico was in 7th, kevin was in 8th and sir lewis hamilton was in 9th. and yes, sir lewis might be driving an absolute shit box car, but he is still a 7 time world champion. hes got some moves. and he was itching to pull them on kmags.

lewis was a very solid half a second behind kevin. and according to our friends the commentators "mercedes dont look like they a great race car"

hamilton agreed with this saying "im very slow on the straight." he tried to pass kevin. and he failed.

two laps later, they were still battling it out, this time though, kevin skipped over the chicane.

"he just gained an advantage!" lewis said "he skipped the chicane!"

and so it was all aboard the struggle bus, population lewis, falling victim to kevin, carlos, who was still unable to pass danny rics , and max, who was having terrible time with his tires.

lewis briefly escaped the struggle bus when he was able to pass kevin on lap 11. kevin also reviewed his first 10 second penalty for skipping the chicane. but this did not seem to deter kevin because then he drove into lewis and left the track again.

"i wonder how many penalties he wants to pick up today" crofty wondered aloud. hint: this would not be his last penalty.

because! kmags was busting out the saudi moves to an absolute t again: going super fucking fast on the straights and then slowing down in the corners. and this was really, really effective because lewis did not have any speed on the straights, so he couldn't catch him.

when lewis finally did pass him on lap 15, kevin went incredibly late on the brakes, like purposefully late just to shove lewis off the track, shoving both lewis and yuki (who was behind him) off the track. even the commentators thought the move was insane, saying that "there was no way he was going to make the apex on that" however! lets remember that kevin was protecting his teammate nico from the cars behind him so that he could be guaranteed points. so nico had a sizable gap (6 seconds) between him and the cars behind when hamilton and yuki passed kevin on lap 16.

closing in on the end of the race. carlos was STILL stuck behind daniel, who had defended his ass off for 15 laps. kevin magnussen had received yet another penalty. and hamilton managed to pass yuki on the last lap for 8th position (but then he got a 20 second penalty for speeding in the pit lane so it meant nothing)

all in all, an interesting race. especially if you were daniel ricciardo who managed to finish in fourth and then barked like a dog over his radio:

and after the race, they caught up with kevin and asked him about his million penalties (he ended up with 3 ten second penalties for leaving the track and gaining an advantage and one 5 second penalty for track limits) (crofty and martin brundle were in agreement that the penalties that kevin received were not consistent with the severe lack of penalties that were given for the turn one lap one incident. the consensus from them was “i think he was over the limit in many ways on many occasions there" and it was a “little outrageous but he wasn’t plowing into the side of people”)

reguardless, here is what kevin (and lewis) had to say

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basically, kevin seems pretty upset that he is playing the teammate game and nico is not. nico though does have a contract already at a different team, so he really doesnt have to worry about impressing haas

and well, in case you were curious, max won. charles was p2, checo was p3. with all the penalties, kevin ended in 18 and hamilton ended in 16.

and!!! mr logan sargeant!!! for the first time EVER finished ABOVE HIS TEAMMATE in p10!!! (alex was in p13) he came and he DELIVERED!!! he was driving on SOFT TIRES in MIAMI in the HEAT and he SLAYED getting replaced rumors WHOMST

(sorry. i am american. can you tell?)

onto the qualifying session! full steam ahead!

all in all, it was kinda boring. the most interesting thing to happen was danny rics getting p17 (not including his three place grid penalty from the last race) after coming in p4 in the sprint. logan missed out on getting into q2 by .034 seconds lando opted to stay on the medium tires for the last part of qualifying because mclaren didnt want a repeat of spring qualifying where he couldnt get the softs up to temperature. despite this, he still only managed a p5.

oh and this headline:

and so, the grid was set, locked and loaded:

p1: max p2: charles p3: carlos p4: checo p5: lando p6: oscar p7: george p8: lewis p9: nico p10: yuki p11: lance p12: pierre p13: esteban p14: alex p15: fernando p16: valtteri p17: logan p18: danny rics p19: kevin p20: zhou

and it was time for the race to start.

and it started with a definite bang because checo almost took out max on the first lap:

the near crash shuffled the front up a little. oscar was able to gain three places and ended up right behind charles in p3. lando, meanwhile, was shoved further back down the grid in the mayhem (as well as checo) to p6. and on lap five, oscar managed to pass charles for p2. clearly, the upgrades, even the half upgrades that oscar had, were clearly working. he was only 2 seconds behind max (unusual as max usually flies off into the sunset) and was defending like hell against the two ferraris.

meanwhile, estie bestie and pierre were fighting. literally fighting. they were driving Next To Eachother, Wheel To Wheel on the track from turns 13-16 on lap 1. at very fast speeds. it was truly nail biting stuff. alpine even posted about it on instagram:

and who else was fighting? the ferraris, they were fighting. carlos was behind charles, but was convinced that he had more pace than charles did and wanted to pass. Ferrari basically said fuck it whatever and let them fight it out, no team orders. carlos did not end up passing charles.

pit stops played an important role in this race. and many people pitted early. albon, stroll, sargeant, bottas, hulkenberg and gasley. the majority of the back of the grid. all pitted before lap 13. which was interesting because the undercut (pitting for tires before the people around you) is really not effective on the track due to the amount of tire degradation.

anywhoozies. it was shaping up to be a fairly normal and boring race. max was out in front, the ferraris were fighting, the french civil war was alive and well. all normal things to see on a sunday afternoon.

well. it was almost normal. charles and oscar were feuding in the front. as in not they themselves were feuding, but their teams were feuding. charles was told to do whatever oscar didnt do. and oscar was told to do whatever charles didnt do. ferrari even faked a pit stop on lap 15 to try and trick mclaren into pitting oscar earlier and putting charles up into p2. it did not work.

and the normal continued. lando fought with perez for fifteen laps before checo finally pitted on lap 15 and lando was able to get in front of him.

"i dont know what the lando norris equivalent of hammer time is," martin brundle said as checo sailed into the pits. "he needs to bring it."

and bring it he did. he in p5 behind carlos sainz. his race engineer, will, said on lap 20 they should stop defending against the cars behind him and go get carlos. lando was pleased with this. "yeah! ill agree!" he said "i'll go get him!"

while he was chasing carlos, max hit a cone on turn 15 during lap 22.

it was the cone that was on the chicane, showing the cars where the curbing was, and max just kind of plowed into it:

he was asked about this moment late in the post race press conference and said:

"i didnt like it. so i decided to take it out. and test the durability of the front wing as well. so thats a crash test done. yeah, there was no damage. the cone was out of the way for everyone so everyone it was basically free for all."

the williams app, giving a race play by play had this to say about that lap:

"not satisfied with all his recent trophies, verstappen has picked up a board from the chicane as well... unfortunately for him hes dropped and left it at T16"

but regardless. there was a cone on the track. a Cone was On The Track. according to george it was in the racing line. what are they gonna do? call a virtual safety car on lap 23 for like half a lap.

after the virtual safety car ended and the cone was cleared, max decided it would be a good time to make a pit stop, which meant oscar was now leading the race! being him was carlos, lando and then max. max was a solid 10 seconds behind lando, who was catching up to carlos.

lando got the fastest lap on lap 25 and according to ted down in the pitlane "lando norris [was] doing brilliant laps" and max was loosing time chasing him, and he (max) had very very low grip

and he did not get past carlos, but he did end up leading the race on lap 28 when oscar and carlos both pitted.

and then. the race was about to heat up. menace k mags was back and he had a new target: logan sargeant. kevin had tried to pass logan and rammed into him, sending loan sailing into the wall.

to say logan was upset about it would be an understatement:

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for real, this poor kid cannot fucking catch a break. you can tell how upset he is because he wants the team to think well of him and he knows that he only has one shot to prove himself and doesnt want to waste his chance in f1. and to be knocked out at your home race is absolutely brutal.

after the race, he posted an instagram post of him fishing in front of a sunset to the song something in the orange. please give this man a break he deserves it.

regardless. this caused a safety car. and people pitted under the safety car. pretty much everyone who didnt pit already pitted under the safety car. including lando norris. and he came out of the pits in front of max.

by the time the safety car ended on lap 33, lando was still leading and max was still behind him, charles was in p3, oscar in p4 and carlos in p5. lando had new tires but red bull had speed.

max tried to overtake lando once the safety car ended but he wasnt able to, and then max made a mistake at turn 8 and fell behind with carlos catching up to him.

by the time the drivers could use their DRS again, lando was already more than a second ahead of max and out of DRS range, which would make it harder for max to pass him.

now might be a very good time to remind you all that lando norris has never won a race in f1. he has come close, but he has never won. he really really really wants to win one. people have even started calling him lando no wins cause he has no wins. hes been in f1 for 6 years. he has not won. hes leading a race. he doesnt need to pit. his car is freshly upgraded. and max verstappen is behind him.

while lando was creating a gap, carlos was fighting with Oscar.

now. carlos and oscar have a feud. i dont really know why. but they always seem to pick fights with eachother on track. well, carlos usually picks fights with oscar on track, oscar is usually just chilling.

previous incidents between these two have included but not been limited to:

oscar saying "Classic Carlos, just sitting in the middle of the road, I see nothing has changed" over his radio during the 2023 abu dhabi practice session

a tweet from carlos after the 2023 spa gp that said "not what we wanted today. racing incident, but oscar was too optimistic. he was never side by side and that move has never really worked in spa" (ps. they both dnf'd here after crashing into eachother)

oscar saying "mate, is carlos blind or what?" during practice at the 2023 monza gp

carlos saying (in response to nearly running into oscar during monza practice) "its like hes doing it on purpose"

and well. the feud is still alive and well:

"he pushed me off the track!" carlos said on lap 35 when oscar had definitely not pushed him off the track.

"just tell him to give me a positon and he doesn’t get a panelty" carlos said a lap later. "tell mclaren to be telling him because they need to be telling him."

oscar did not give him the position back and instead got his elbows out.

meanwhile! back at the front lando was a whole tWO SECONDS AHEAD of max on lap 37 AND he had the fastest lap.

mclaren told oscar that ferrari wanted him to swap with carlos but they didnt agree and told oscar not to do anything. so oscar kept defending. and carlos continued to complain.

max, who was still 2 seconds behind lando, came on the radio saying "i can’t get the car to turn it’s a disaster” which was just “music to the ears of everyone at mclaren and charles leclerc” 

well. maybe not everyone at mclaren. because oscar was still battling with carlos. carlos tried to pass him on lap 39 but failed. then he did pass, oscar passed him back and then carlos went to pass him Again, but failed and they touched eachother. Hamilton and perez managed to pass oscar before it was revealed on lap 41 that oscar had front wing damage and needed to box for a replacement.

CARLOS TWEET

and also during this time, kevin managed to get another penalty for not serving his previous penalty correctly.

lando was 3.1 seconds ahead of max

lap 42. lewis was challenging perez for fifth. "if youve got any more power give it to me!" he shouted into his radio, .5 seconds behind perez.

oscar had a truly abysmal pit stop and came out in 19th.

lap 43. lando was 3.8 seconds ahead of max.

alpine was somehow in the points with esteban ocon in 9th.

matin and crofty were discussing kevin and his infinity gauntlet of penalties.

“kevin magnussen must have his own seat up in the stewards office he’s been up there so often” said martin.

“i’m astounded that kevin as a different penalty for something he didn’t already have a penalty for," crofty said, agreeing with martin.

they were studiously ignoring lando, very not wanting to jinx him as he was 4.7 seconds ahead of max.

k mags got another penalty. this time for entering the pit lane. lance stroll got a track limited warning. lando was 5.2 seconds ahead

ten laps to go.

lap 48. fernando was fighting with esteban ocon for 9th. oscar was up to 17th with the fastest lap.

lap 49. the camera panned to the mclaren garage. everyone looked stressed to hell.

lap 50. lando was 5.6 seconds ahead of max. the commentators were scared to find him even more now. somewhere in the world, nico rosberg was loosing his god damned mind.

lap 51. lando was 5.8 seconds ahead. oscar was fighting daniel for 16th

lap 52. oscars race engineer reminded him that "lando is leading the race we do not want to cause a safety car here." lando was 6 seconds ahead of max. lance stroll went off the track and gained two positions.

five laps to go.

lap 53. hamilton was still railing the back of perez. ocon was holding onto 10th.

lap 54. alex albon locked up. yellow flag. everyone held their breath and prayed for no safety car. but he went into the runoff area. there was no safety car. alex rejoined the track in p19.

three laps to go.

lap 55. oscar passed daniel for 15th. lando was seven seconds ahead of max.

lap 56. this would be the first time mclaren had won in America since 2012 with lewis hamilton in austin, tx. their last win basin 2021 with danny rics in monza. lando was 7.3 seconds ahead of max.

last lap.

lap 57. everyone was screaming. i was on the edge of my seat. we waited with baited breath. through the corners, hurtling down the straights. around the last bend. across the finish line.

LANDO NORRIS WINS THE MIAMI 2024 GRAND PRIX

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it was insane! it was astounding! holy shit! he had fucking won!

and that was seemingly every other drivers thought process because seemingly everyone came up to lando to congratulate him.

immediately max and charles gave him a hug.

fernando ran over and smacked his helmet in excitement

carlos came over

followed by danny rics and george

lewis and others congratulated him later on

he stage dived his team

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and charles and max absolutely soaked him on the podium

famously, lando said a few years ago (jokingly) that nico rosberg retired after his first championship im going to reture after my first win (he is not going to). but he also said a bit less jokingly that if he won he would jump in the lake outside of the mclaren technology center. and he has not done that yet. shame on you lando.

now a little interlude on max and charles here. the miami race weekend was the 12 year anniversary of their "inchident" from karting (you know the one) and tbh, the funniest thing that could have possibly happened this weekend was for both of them to be on the podium, but not win.

and ive talked about the Maxplaining and Leclercifying that has happened before, but they took their yapping to a whole new level now that the cameras weren't really on them.

YAP PICS

max also chose violence in the cool down room. upon being shown the footage of the logan crash he said "at least they have a spare chassis now" and he was Positively Shocked at hoe close perez came to knocking him out in turn 1

max even waited for charles to finish his interview so that they could ride to the podium in the same car together (there were three cars, one for each of them). and yet.

they were also unhinged in the post race press conference. max first tried to sit in the middle (the winners seat) to keep yapping with charles and charles had to point to the other side of the couch and be like buddy no youre over there

the post race press conference was unhinged as all shit. lando said that he was going to party very very hard that night and he might not come out with just a scratch on his nose this time.

and by all accounts he did party quite hard afterwards. first, the day he won was cinco fucking de mayo in miami florida and after wards he posted a photo on his instagram at NINE AM LOCAL TIME (presumably when he was about to get on a flight) that just said "recovery 1%" with the caption "worth it" (later he said that he actually didnt wake up really until tuesday morning. man had an insane night)

and later on at the mclaren celebration back in england they did a toast for him and he said "ive had enough alcohol to be honest"

lando also said during the press conference that he really finds the lando no wins nickname funny, and seeing people call him that over the years gave him so much drive to win. he also said that he wanted to use the valtteri line "to whom it may concern, fuck you" while he was on the radio in his car, but that was "copyrighted"

max was asked if he thought that lando would have still won if there hadnt been a safety car. and if you watch one video on this whole damn post, let it please be this one:

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it was just. so nice to see him win. everyone was so happy to see him win. even fred vasseur, the ferrari team principal, was given a mclaren hat and a bottle of champagne to soak lando with:

not to mention that seemingly everyone went out with lando to party afterwards. there weren't too many videos that i could find of that, but from what i saw, pretty much everyone was there.

in everyones post race interviews they all seemed to really express that they were very very happy for lando. will buxton even went as far as to say “i haven’t seen max that happy all year and he’s usually winning”

george was asked in his interview "sorry to say, but you are no longer the last british race winner" and he absolutely clapped back with "thanks. thats a very negative way to say, 'how do you feel about lando winning the race?'" and then he later said "yeah obviously happy to see lando finally get a victory. its well deserved for him. hes been doing an amazing job for a long time so"

this was a common thread among the drivers (not taking peoples negative shit about it), because max also said "if i had to get beaten today im happy it was lando, he deserves it. he did a really good job, he was flying. so yeah. its always nice to see someone win his first grand prix. its always a special day."

and lewis as well said "massive congrats to lando. i won my first grand prix with mclaren, i know how special it is to get that first one, huge congratulations to him, he truly deserves it. and mclaren, wow, im really happy for them thats my old family."

even fred vasseur said "well i want to congratulate lando and mclaren i think that they deserve it and they did a great job and im happy for them"

carlos as well said "i think he deserves it for a long time now to win a race. hes a driver that for me is going to win many many races in f1 hes been driving at an exceptional level. today he was on the lucky side, as i said but i think luck comes to the people that deserve it. and today he definitely deserved to win."

and charles said "we all grew up with the same dream of being in formula 1 one say and its always emotional for me to see him obviously realizing one of his dreams and winning his first race in formula 1 its a very special moment for him."

and then danny rics said "yeah proud to see him get his first win obviously saw his talent and ability and yeah kinda felt like it was going to happen sooner or later. and yeah really happy for him to have a day like this"

and then, pretty much every person ever made a post or commented on his congratulating lando:

oscar piastri: "well done man" carlos sainz: "CONGRATS CABRON!" lewis hamilton:"WELL DONE" alex albon: "congrats!!!" george russell: "it was always whe, not if, mate. congrats you deserve it" max verstappen: "very happy for lando norris, congrats mate!" daniel ricciardo: "and not sure if he is still alive today but very happy for lando norris on his first win" fernando Alonso: "Bravoooooo" martin garrix: "LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" max fewtrell: "So proud brother 🧡" pato oward: "GUEYYYY!!!!!! 🚀🚀" antonio giovinazzi: "Bravo Lando ! 🙌💪🏻" Heineken: "What a race!!! 👏👏👏" hollister: "🙌🔥👏 YOU DID THAT"

landos initial celebration post, by the way, was a bunch of funny and kind of terrible selfies of him with his trophy with the caption:

WWE FUCKIJG DID IT. P1 🏆

a few days later, when he was no longer hungover he made an instagram story that said

"genuinely had the most insane couple days of my life. still dont know what to say but this was a dream since i was a kid. i literally havent stopped smiling since lap 33. so much hard work to achieve this and it all finally paid off the support from my team, the mclaren papaya fans, other drivers and so so many more. ive appreciated every single bit of it. love you all. and after all this...were just getting started... and yes...still smiling"

lewis hamiltons dad even texted landos dad congratulating him!

and interestingly enough, they interviewed lando's race engineer, will. who said that the upgrade "package should favor other circuits more than miami."

so do we actually have a proper championship battle on our hands? will it just be a max sweep from here on out? whos to say. we dont know.

but what we do know, according to martin brundle, is that "the secret to beating max verstappen is injuring yourself right before the race: "we realize now the secret to beating max verstappen, remove an appendix, do an injury to your nose, some sort of operation or injury is the way now to beat max verstappen in formula 1."

and most heartwarmingly, nico rosberg seemingly predicted this. if you all recall, two weeks ago at the chinese gp, he told lando this:

"we have a race the two of us because youre at 109 and i won then i was at 111 (races) my first race so were close. your time is coming. maybe next race cause you got upgrades coming in miami! so it could be good."

and then lando won his 110th, beating nico out by one race and jenson button by four. and both of them are world champions. nico finally figured out how to use his witchcraft for good.

will buxton wrote an article for f1 about the phenomenon of lando no wins and he concluded it with this:

The universal outpouring of joy in his victory tells you another side to him. Its rare in the highly competitive world of Formula 1 to make many true friends. To a man, I can’t think of a driver who wasn’t delighted for him in Miami. I haven’t seen Max Verstappen as happy all year, and he’s won pretty much everything. That affection is real. The friendships are true. And as he brought his car to the pits, after acknowledging those who try to drag him down, he spoke words for the truly private man. For his parents and his grandmother. The part of his life he keeps closest and most guarded. For his entire Formula 1 career, he’s had to be what people expect of him. Carry the weight of manifesting the legend of the version of himself he’d always portrayed himself as being. As he grew from teenager into adulthood, an ever growing fanbase of millions expected him perhaps never to change and to always stay the same. On Sunday he received the only reply he’s ever sought. Validation. A Grand Prix winner. Just as he always knew he would and could be. What stands before him now is a level of freedom he has never known, to truly embrace the destiny that stands before him. Beyond the memes, the engagement, the lifetime lived in the spotlight of social media stardom, the witty quips and the potential to be the perfect media personality, there has always existed the hunger of the competitor. The desire to be the best. To win it all. The posts, the stories, the reels. They can write themselves now. The man, not the meme. Lando “No Wins,” no more.

thanks for reading and waiting for the update of this monstrosity. thank you for continuing to read this insane post. ill see you all in imola! o7

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[thelonelyme]

♡ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ᴅᴏʀᴍ ʟᴇᴀᴅᴇʀs x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ [ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴs/sᴄᴇɴᴀʀɪᴏ] 2♡

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𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞: ディズニー ツイステッドワンダーランド[Twisted Wonderland]

𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐨/𝐢: Kalim Al-Asim, Vil Schoenheit, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia.

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭: The yanderes finds out mc is now a fallen angel due to them.

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭: Hello honey, this is my first time asking you but please listen to me.. What do you think the reaction of the yandere house leader's reaction to their lover who is an angel has now fallen and become a demon's. especially the reason why they become a fallen angel is because they want to continue to be with the leaders of the dormitory even though their God forbids them, and to the point of plucking out their wings. Pretty pleaseee 🥺🥺

𝐀𝐕𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐙𝐄: GN READER. That's the second part of this post, so if you want to read about the whole dorm crew, make sure that you've read that. There will be explicit scenes of poisoning, blasphemy, allusions to rape, implied murder, delusional behavior, mention of not-voluntary imprisonment, allusions to NS/FW themes, kidnapping, explicit stalking, cyberstalking, mention of blackmail, mention of torture, mention of imprisonment. Sorry everyone for the prolonged time of inactivity, I did not feel good, and moreover I had for a period lost the motivation to do anything, so sorry again. I’ll try to bring my life back to order, so update more often. I hope you like it, honey💗. I don’t have the responsibility of who reads such my works, however good reading &lt;;3.

-𝐊𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐦 𝐀𝐥-𝐀𝐬𝐢𝐦-

For such a solar and enthusiastic magician as Kalim, your arrival at Night Raven College could not have been described in other words other than a literal blessing from God. The young student and dormitory chief of Scarabia had always been considered the exception to the college rule: in contrast to violent and petty behavior like those of Savanaclaw, or like those shy and manipulative as apparently almost all the students of Ignihyde, possessed a natural kindness and genuine concern for others; something that many times had made him get into some trouble.

He seemed like the perfect candidate for the famous college in the south of the island, with a young and fresh look like his and with a behavior worthy of the best prince straight out of a fairy tale, Many students in his dorm couldn’t and still haven’t been able to understand, how he ended up in a place famous for cruelty and for the rigor in training his students in the best possible way.

But Kalim could not have cared less, after all education is education, no matter whether in one apparently better school or another, and not understanding the reason for such a tense rivalry between the two schools.

So, during the upcoming Christmas holidays, he never expected to find himself in front of a literal angel. The first time he saw you, he would immediately be enchanted by your figure accompanied by two boys in the hallway. At that moment, he could literally drop all the books he had in his hand that Jamil was asking for and immediately run in your direction, as if he were a magnet and you were the magnet of his heart.

As in the fairy tales that by now Jamil had been forced to mark in his memory how many times he had to repeat them to the silver-haired and scarlet-eyed magician, that feeling of complete stiffness and a warm feeling in the heart that made him warm up in ways that no one had ever managed to do, the acceleration of his beat in a few seconds from your sight and a priminente redness on his cheeks- he was certain that he’d just seen his one true soul mate.

He had waited years and years to find the person who would be by his side all his life, and you finally showed yourself to him! Just as his parents had always told him, as he had always dreamed from an early age! You can’t blame her excitement and all her heat the moment you felt a pair of calloused hands on your shoulders.

"I’m touching them! And I can feel how soft their skin is even from over this uniform! I swear, I’m going to die of joy!"

He hoped that his heart would not keep beating so hard all the time, otherwise you would surely be frightened, and he did not want to cause you any kind of pain.

He was sure, and the brilliant and kind smile you gave him was only helpful in confirming it: You were certainly his soul mate.

From that day on, things would change dramatically: now all his attentions and his whole routine revolved around you, with his one and only Habibi ¹.

He could not help it, by now your presence was simply essential for him to function normally; basically for him you were like oxygen for a drowned, fresh water for a thirsty in the desert, abundant food to a hungry, you were a drug. Just being yourself with him had somehow made him feel like the only person with whom, according to him, you would share all those hugs and words of encouragement late at night on the large balcony of the castle in Scarabia.

Your magnificent and splendid body would only be the icing on the cake, for him you would have been perfect in any way you could have been. What brought him even closer to you had been your magnificent personality, so kind and comforting, so good and perfect from any kind of external or internal point of view.

He could not live without him with you, he had developed an addiction to your sweet caresses and your words so reassuring that they never failed to make him burst into tears for the ardent and genuine love that simple words positioned in the right way contained.

He could not help but imagine you together with your future children, biological or adopted, playing with them while gently stroking your head and watching with dreamy eyes your beautiful features. You would have both worn dresses worthy of a fabulous and fantasic person like yourself, traditional clothes of the Land of Hot Sands, dancing together dances in the center of the huge ballroom of the family villa during your future wedding. He already had in mind the perfect wedding for both you and him, even though he couldn’t bear less than what the main colors or how the flowers should have been arranged until he was with you. But he would do it with immense pleasure and joy knowing that everything would be for you and only for you.

He had already written tons of letters over the past months to his parents where he described your love for each other in the most disparate and romantic ways, even to the point of convincing and constantly writing them that soon you two would really get married, which the two were extremely happy about, and get them to send as many letters to convince Kalim to bring them home during the summer holidays.

For the next few months, Kalim was literally clinging to you, or continuing to praise you incessantly during every single moment of the day where unfortunately he could not be with you, and forcing the strict and diligent Vice Dorm Leader Jamil to endure hours and hours at night of awkward words and thoughts from the red-eyed boy, and ordering the latter to reassure him on his growing concerns. His need for you had become morbid, leading him to increasingly monopolize your blessed time along with him and Jamil, who obviously would have taken advantage of it in the best possible ways.

"Jamil, tell me they’ll never leave me."

"Jamil, they always say they’re happy to have lunch with me, but then why do they have lunch with others?"

"Jamil, do you think I should send them more presents? Maybe this way they’ll realize I’ll never get tired of them."

"Jamil, which chains do you think are better, the silver ones or the gold ones? I sincerely prefer the gold ones, but please choose! You always do a great job at these things, and as you know, I’m not very good at making decisions, hehe."

Unlike the imaginary world that Kalim had built in his mind, his ebony-haired servant would instead have seen beyond those walls with which the blood-red-eyed boy had long since begun to dodge all kinds of normal reasoning. He had seen all that time your face slightly frightened and surprised by the huge amount of gifts that Kalim had daily sent from home just for you, he didn’t lose how your presence had become a fixed point in his day. About how now he should not only look after the needs of the white-haired boy, but now also your own under the orders of his master.

"Remember Jamil, every wish of my Habibi must be fulfilled immediately, okay?"

And of course he always did, noting in the meantime how your simple word could change any previous opinion of Kalim.

"I think that’s a kind of fruit a little bitter, I didn’t remember it so-What? You don’t like it so much? True, not even me, actually."

Surely he would have noticed this, causing him to cling more and more to you, telling him that he had to spend all his time with you and instead leaving the duties of dorm head to him, something the silver-haired boy was extremely willing to do: all for her beloved and adored Habibi.

The ebony-haired servant would remain silent, as he had always done since his childhood, continuing to pull the strings of this little theatre so that he would finally have a real place in society; he did not care at all about your ever-increasing looks at him, or how he would always try to get the sticky kid to go away, but this would just reset everything he had done and built in the last few months in the dorm, reborn under a new regulation and under a new rigor rediscovered.

If he stopped you meeting with Kalim, everything would be erased, so you could definitely suffer a little longer before you left.

But Kalim wasn’t a complete fool, and he knew it.

He knew and saw the way he was subtly threatening you by threatening to spread disgusting rumors about you, about you not being such a pure, chaste angel, about all sorts of things that would bring you down at the slightest exit without him. He knew what power was, and he wasn’t below using it to hold you to him, not after what happened with Jamil before.

If you had refused or even hinted at a possible breakup of your relationship, the first reaction it could have had is to immediately throw yourself at your feet, tightly grabbing the fabric of your school uniform and crying, begging in sobs and wondering if it was his mistake, he swears he’ll make it up to you!

And if I kept trying to avoid him gently, since you’re such a nice person that you didn’t immediately kick him out of your life, it would have to come down to the ways he absolutely didn’t like to use. Usually his conflicts were not even resolved by himself, but this was neither a conflict nor a problem- don’t misunderstand, he still thinks that there were problems in the relationship because of your ever-increasing thoughts of wanting to leave, but he thinks there are problems for a completely wrong reason, which he swears on his own life and on those of his whole family never to repeat again.

He would never want to get to do this- after all he wants the person he will marry in the future to have a good reputation and be loved by everyone- so this move will be used as a last resort in case of failure of any previous attempt to make you stay with him.

He knew that Jamil was not one of the most sociable and transparent people you could ever meet, but he knew that he would never do something as petty as hypnotizing him again- and he was sure! He could remember every single moment of his days, unllike of when he had whole lapses of memory scattered throughout the days. And then he was helping him with his relationship, so he was certain that he could trust his and your life in his skilled hands.

And it hasn’t been that long since you last saw the bright sunlight, at least not in person.

He knew that every beautiful dove must fly, so he compensated for the time you normally spent in the luxurious rooms of his castle in the Land of Warm Sands riding with you on his magic carpet. But not before you have sealed your wings with a beautiful padlock and gold chains: after all, white and gold were such beautiful colors together. After all, as kindness had put Kalim in some trouble, and in a world like the human one, yours has put you in far worse trouble than you could have ever imagined.

You were enchanted by the mesmerizing eyes of the beautiful snake that, slowly and patiently, while you remained staring at the blinding vermilion, wrapped like a powerful and heavy gold chain tightly to your body. Making you immobilized by your own mistake, and remaining forever enchanted by the red gems that the young man possessed, those same irises that had been your end.

-𝐕𝐢𝐥 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐭-

Vil Schoenheit, head of the dormitory of the ancient Pomefiore, a very famous actor with an unnatural beauty and rigor, would never have thought he could fall so low for a simple person. The blond-haired perfectionist so focused and so devoted to achieving the perfection of himself and everyone in whom he could see potential, could not help but describe you as the exact opposite of what he would have considered his perfect soulmate: although you too could also have had a strong potential like that first year Epel, but, from what he’s always seen, you haven’t even tried to achieve the best version of yourself.

Like the scarlet-haired dorm boss or the smart silver-haired octomerman, he wouldn’t even have time to even know what you look like.

At least, before he heard about you.

With his increasingly emerging figure in entertainment and fashion, with his excellent school career to keep such, his relentless search for beauty and the burning desire for revenge on that useless being who had always stolen all the spotlight, he had a very narrow daily schedule. And the fact that he had to manage a dormitory full of people who still had to see that beauty and charisma were an immense and unique source of power, did not help at all the coverage of his imminent dark circles.

At first, and as I said before, he wouldn’t even want to know who you were. But the quick tongues of all these dirty hicks he had to endure in school, would let slip away in the luxurious dormitory room that in his school there was a particular little student who had the reputation of being the most beautiful in the entire realm of Twisted Wonderland.

Even more than Neige.

It wasn’t enough just that stupid idiot with a rosy face to put a spoke in the wheel, now there was also a third person against whom he had to win?!

He couldn't believe it.

He did not want to believe that a simple person like you could be considered by all even more beautiful than him and that idiot without even making an effort, while he had to work hard to get to the point where he was now.

He was jealous, he just wanted to be the one adored by everyone for once: not Neige, not you, just him.

He knew what it felt like to be one of the most beautiful of all, but he didn’t want to stop there. No, he wanted to be the one and only to hold the power of eternal beauty, he wanted to ruin your smiley faces to death so that you two couldn’t even get outside without you being labeled as deformed monsters, he wanted to destroy your lives, he wanted to eliminate you two.

But Vil was not such a reckless and incautious man, he already had a plan in mind, and now he just needed to add a few more details thanks to your arrival. He would have called his trusty hunter, and he, being a good subject as he was, had immediately satisfied the bizarre requests of the poisonus man.

A little setback, this was you in his eyes. Like everyone he had to compete with to get to the top, he just had to make sure that you didn’t get a chance to be better than him.

But your presence irritated him so much, he hated so much how your eyes didn’t even have a hint of make-up but that they still turned out to be absolutely delicious for the blond-haired man as he continually struggled against the increasingly strong feelings of desirability he was developing towards you, he hated how he would always have to pay attention to his strict diet to stay online while you would try every cake that Trey would cook for any unnecessary parties in his dorm.

He hated how he could not stop watching you as you posed as the hardworking and always available person you were, thus bringing to your side a herd of rednecks and useless potatoes that were shamelessly hovering over you, using flimsy and shabby excuses just to get a speck of your attention, and leaving a bitter taste in his mouth as he turned abruptly and forced himself not to curse everyone with his Unique Magic.

And while the handsome man was slowly falling into the abyss of madness, his trusty Rook would notice every single look of Vil directed at you, a look of such primitive hunger and such magnificent and pure hatred, a poison so limpid and deadly that it made to praise even more this new love of his.

But unfortunately such a scruffy and tacky frown did nothing but ruin the beautiful features of the poisonous beauty, the expressions of anger that did not belong to him did nothing but position themselves on his immaculate face as soon as he saw the dirty hands of a student of Savanaclaw on your shoulders as he hugged you, while that disgusting being was clearly looking for more from you.

"Oh, that student, la beauté de cette école, quelqu'un qui possède une beauté d'un autre monde ² , but not so much to compete with our wonderful head of the dormitory in appearance" And throwing a mocking and nonchalant grin at the other man. That made the handsome man frown even more for the casual tone of the hunter in talking about you so freely.

"Yeah, whatever but when- Umh, I apologize Schoenheit-senpai, but when can I train for Magishift tryo-?"

"Rook, I need your services one more time."

"Oui."

"And Epel, keep practicing your etiquette, your manners and the way you speak are barbaric. Don't forget what I've told you."

And suddenly, all those nights spent studying for the various tests that until then had not weighed on your physical health, had done nothing but drain you of all your energy, making you feel completely grounded. You wouldn't be able to understand why these sudden changes, until that moment your routine had never given you any kind of problems, but Ace would have just swept it all away by saying that most likely it was you who were just stressed out and that finally all that workload was hitting you all at once.

And you, being such a responsible student, despite all the warnings of Jack and Epel to rest, would have continued to help Riddle with all the preparations of the VDC instead. You couldn’t help helping all those people who didn’t ask, but clearly needed help. Something that the man with lilac irises had noticed from the beginning.

And how can he not exploit to his advantage a situation so useful to his cause?

And working with the Heartslabyul's leader, he would subtly observe you several times under the guise of having to control the stage setup process for NRC’s biggest event himself.

Normally he would have hated all those people who would only take advantage of the opportunities on the fly, and in fact he still did, but he could not call this "opportunism", but a small incentive to help himself in his life. And by the way, it wasn’t like he’d never worked hard for the duration of his stressful life until- like everyone else except him had- so he was sure that instead of hurting you, he was just helping himself.

Clearly the effects of the presumed fatigue were making themselves felt and seen: the skin once so bright and seemingly shiny would instead become sicker and battered, your face harbored light dark circles and your body began to feel much weaker and exposed to any kind of bump; you felt sick, as if you had ingested something that made you feel extremely bad, as if someone was sucking your energy away. And these symptoms would go on for so long that not even your friends would let you walk alone for fear that you might stumble and hurt yourself. And the effects would, at some point, even cause the first of a series of fainting in front of the blond himself.

He almost felt sorry for seeing you so weak and hurt, but he couldn’t help but feel a sadistic pleasure in your pitiful sight. A student so perfect in all respects, so good, kind and charitable, so good to his classmates and so understanding, reduced to nothing but a weak body kept alive for an unknown reason. He chose you to be the guinea pig for his famous poisons.

After all, there was a reason his trusty hunter always called him by that nickname.

"My beloved Roi du Poison, you truly are the most beautiful and poisonous man that the entire Twisted Wonderland has ever seen!"

He liked that nickname in a way, as he also loved his talent and knowledge in potionology. He had tried to recreate to the letter the infamous "poison kiss", created and perfected no less than the so esteemed Evil Queen. But alas, some ingredients could not be collected and obtained at the time of need, so he had to improvise by mixing several ingredients, making it all turn out to be a deadly potion.

Or at least he thought.

It was rather peculiar that a poison created to kill had not yet borne fruit, causing him to rage silently as it rechecked every single process of the potion that had kindly handed you nothing less than your beloved best friend. Of course, at the beginning even the first year was strange and annoyed by the strange request to give you a basket full of red apples,

"Why do I even need to do this- that's so useless. Why me and not Hunt, he would've loved to do this for him. By the way, the ones of my family would be definitely better, the colour is too much bright, surely they're all too much soft and ew..", he thought many times during the day, but he had not asked questions to the handsome man.

Vil couldn’t help but start ordering Hunt to write down every kind of reaction you were going through, every kind of change, even if it was insignificant. But more importantly, to tell him everything that was slightly out of the ordinary that you did or said. It wasn't possible to resist that much to a deadly potion.

He couldn’t understand the way that even though you didn’t know that he was the cause of your ever-worsening ailments, you would continue to understand when to leave him alone and help him with his problems, try to understand his thoughts and continuing insistently to approach him, both emotionally and physically. He did not understand you.

How could you ever approach and help your executioner? He did not understand.

And, as always, Rook never failed to satisfy him, bringing him what he had asked for and more.

And then he finally had an answer that appealed to all of his questions that had been running through his mind until that moment. No one, not even that idiot in the other school, could have such sweet and supportive behavior as yours, despite the fact that you were literally falling apart because of the envy of another.

No one would have survived for so long a poison that would have assured death. You can't simply die. What kind of angel would ever get killed by a simple human? Lose your body for what?

"Apparently I do, Vil."

An even tougher challenge than training Epel? After all, he couldn’t call himself a dorm-leader if he couldn’t even get you turned into clay in his soft, soft hands, he wouldn’t have been him if he hadn’t finally helped you see that he was the key to your salvation.

Only he had the solution, only he could really help you in all that discomfort that you had. All alone, betrayed from what you thought your best friend. Left behind by all those who you thought were friends. Betrayed by your own god. You were only deceiving yourself.

After all, you should have known that man was made in their image.

He would continue to be convinced that he was only attracted to your potential beauty, even though he knew it was just a pathetic excuse to avoid hurting his ego by forcing you into his luxurious, comfortable bed, observing that day by day the potion had not had the desired effects, but that it was still powerful enough not to allow your body to regenerate normally, and consequently letting him do whatever he wants with your fragile and now mortal body. He could finally keep you in a crystal coffin where only he could see you, in a place that only he had permission to access, a place dedicated entirely to your wonderful being, a being that divided his reason from his instincts.

Thus leading him to force you to live a different kind of hell, one where Vil was constantly torn between loving you obsessively until his death, spoiling you with every kind of luxury and every kind of wealth you could ever desire, treat you as a true queen, not as a mere ordinary angel as you had been treated up to that moment, while the other side of you was divided by hatred of the one who had made him wither like a dead rose, making him constantly and incessantly think about your beautiful face once so soft and so shiny, and letting him finally realize what he really wanted from you.

You got too taken in by the juicy red color of the apple in the hand of the beautiful evil, and this time, laying down, you would finally have a bite of the queen’s venomous grip.

-𝐈𝐝𝐢𝐚 𝐒𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝-

It is not a novelty that the blue-haired boy was an extremely shy and elusive person with self-isolative tendencies, who spent all his average days in a messy and gloomy room, and he never would have come out willingly if his little brother didn’t pull so much weight on this subject.

Idia Shroud, the descendant of the great God of the Underworld, a figure to follow and an inspiration to some, and terror and disgrace to others, had never aspired to a career as brilliant as his fellow dormitory chief, he simply did not feel the morbid need to be noticed and to receive so much attention from people, and even less, he did not feel the need to get even just in touch with a person outside his virtual bubble.

He absolutely did not see the advantages of having physical or "normal" relationships, and if there were, he was quite sure that the advantages were much less than the disadvantages he would suffer. By now he had resigned himself to being what he was and what each time he saw faintly on the screens: a useless rejection of society.

Someone who did not even have the courage to speak, even just to see, a real person in flesh and bones- someone who was just one face among a thousand in many forums he assiduously attended- almost maniacally- someone who could never carry on the surname of the noble Shroud family, hoping that the responsibility instead would go on to his younger brother that was definitely better suited to the task than someone who could not even leave his room without feeling weak and without energy.

"I already told you for the millionth time Ortho, I don’t want to go out at all, not even Hades himself could change my mind."

And when the news of the student without magic who had become prefect on the same day of their admission first arrived at Ignihyde’s dormitory, the handsome blue-haired male could not have cared less. He didn’t have a shred of curiosity about you, leading him to ignore his younger brother’s futile attempts to socialize with someone other than him. He was starting to worry about his older brother’s tendencies, and those concerns would come close to the limit of tolerable when he mistakenly read for once what he shared on those forums he was obsessed with.

And he knew that Idia meant every word he wrote, every word imbued with hatred of the world that was not good enough to accept him and to allow someone like him not to be targeted for his own interests.

Even if he had never been bullied, even if no one would have dared to touch a hair of him for fear that he might in return burn his finger with his flames. Ortho had been with Idia centuries and centuries before, and even there, his big brother had always had a tendency to hate being together with others, always isolating himself in his room in the family castle. But he thought he couldn’t abdicate beyond that. He knew that his brother had always suffered from extreme social anxiety, probably the cause of his problems, along with other disorders that interfered in establishing normal healthy relationships with real people.

Idia, on the other hand, saw no problem in his current life. He lived alone, in a room he didn’t need to leave, eating whatever food he wanted and being able to stay online for as long as he wanted. Maybe this was the only thing in his mind that he had control over, or maybe he had become so addicted to it that just walking out of the room would blind him for a moment.

But the fact is that he would never deign to see you, he did not need to see the annoying faces of his classmates, let alone the popular ones.

He would never meet them again, so it was useless for him to even try to make friends with someone who will inevitably forget you.

He thought it was pathetic.

He had no time for normal people, but instead he had too much time to spend on forums and games, always changing his interests and topics. And it would be right in those places that he would almost certainly meet you, named under a nice nickname that would spur him to talk to you. The male’s room was messy, smelly and completely in the dark except for the dim light of the blue screens, where Idia spent his time playing different games, talking occasionally and bitterly commenting on the stupid and senseless moves of his teammates. But he could not even finish the round before finding himself quickly reading the public chat, and then stopping to read the whole message.

The_Pref.ectme: "Hi, sorry if I’m sudden, but I don’t know this game well, and I need help. Sorry to disturb."

Obviously, a newbie like you wasn’t educated at all and didn’t even have a thousandth of his experience in that game, so he would have decided to mentor you for an evening, by writing quickly in the chat that he would call you on another platform and that there he would explain everything to you.

And when he first heard your voice, he could feel himself floating in the Olympus.

Your voice sounded so harmonious and so calm to his ears, so beautiful and so pure, as if a nymph was whispering softly in his ears, lulling him into a state of apparent trance, it almost melted his brain as calming as it could be.

He had never felt this way throughout his long life of isolation and loneliness, leading him to pant heavily at the first sign of another person even minimally attractive.

A sticky layer of sweat was all over his face, and the prominent redness on his face as you spoke and expressed your thoughts to him about how you found the game difficult, would have made him immediately change the microphone and abruptly interrupt the call and exhale a trembling sigh, almost trembling for the experience he had just had and making him take long and deep breaths to avoid melting the plastic of his chair with the warm flames of his hair.

In the meantime, and while the blue-haired man was biting his hand trying to suppress all kinds of noise and not alarm his younger brother, you would've continued to speak and speak, never imagining that he would've ended the call so abruptly.

A continuous and sudden knock on the dorm door would wake you from your worries about the the game, and welcoming kindly and as always a significantly tired Ace who had been kicked out by Riddle again for breaking another rule. And since Grim was soundly asleep in the main room, you would tell your bizarre adventure with this guy online.

"I don’t know, maybe he was a 50-year-old creep who just wanted to see you naked."

"I don’t think so, at first I could also hear a glimpse of his voice, and he looked like a boy!"

"Wait wait wait- a glimpse? Of his voice? Man, that's creepy as hell! And you.. spoke non stop?"

"Uh yes. But I don't think he's-"

"Nah, hell nah, If you ask me, I'd be creeped out. And didn't you think that he was... Being a pervert? Or something weirder? Maybe recording you! Oh seven, don't tell me it was a video call-"

"Ace, come on, be faithful."

"You have to be more careful on the Internet! I could never allow anything to happen to you, let alone Deuce."

"Don’t worry about me, Ace."

"And don’t so that again, okay?"

And for you it would have ended there, eventually deciding to sleep on it under the advice of one of your best friends.

But the same was not for Idia. At all. He’d spent the whole night imagining your mouth opening and closing only to produce those little words about useless things, the movements of your tongue so sensually moving to the palate, the vocal cords moving in the throat- and oh, that throat...

He kept thinking back to that exact moment when your words had entered his head for the first time, unable to do anything but begin to fantasize about how you might actually appear in real life and not covered and disguised by a beautiful avatar.

He wondered if you were tall or short, if you had short or long hair, what color it could be, and how you could be. He knew you’d never want someone so stupid like other idiotic people around you, but then again, he was just a dirty virgin who hadn’t showered in over two weeks doing nothing but sit in his room full of paper towels and energy drinks. He was a disgusting incel ³ that couldn’t even hope to have a beautiful person, like he knew you were, by his side.

This new fixation would have led him to look for every single clue to understand what your identity was, initially looking for any useful information about your game profile that you both were playing before, and then starting the actual process to see who you really were.

After all, what kind of student at Ignihyde would not know how to hack an account, especially one of such a naive person about the dangers of the internet? All those years spent studying programming would come in handy, which he had no doubt about.

He knew that in the end everything he had studied on his own would always come in handy: whether to ask someone for private information, or ruin another’s life, with a simple click and the right words, he could simply make another’s life a hell.

And after a short time, he had complete access to your computer, which had oddly not installed an antivirus or something to protect your device- it would've been a somewhat longer process, but in the end, he knew he would always succeed: the only thing he felt he could boast of was his almost infinite knowledge of technology, giving him the ego boost he needed to continue everything he was working on.

He had access to your search history, your daily logs, your downloads, your works, passwords, socials- and most importantly, your webcam and microphone.

Finally, finally finally finally finally finally finally- Finally!

He could finally know the face of the voice that accompanied him through his nights and days.

And when he saw you.. it was as if all the emotions he’d spent days stabilizing had suddenly returned.

His dead heart was pounding, as if he had a sudden attack of tachycardia, he felt himself suffocating with his own saliva, forgetting even for a few seconds how to swallow, and consequently dropping some saliva on his sweatshirt, the blush had returned, making him feel hot and scorching under the heat of his sweatshirt- and although normally his dorm was extremely cold, he continued to sweat profusely, his thin fingers were rigidly welded on the mouse, By clicking and zooming on every part of his body that was visible to him, his hair now threatening to melt his headphones.

"Oh- my- my- sev- en… oh- h-hah.."

The news of Idia’s interest in the prefect had been a shock to his younger brother, but also a huge relief. He finally met someone who wasn’t him! And he also fell in love! Years before, this huge change in the life of his niisan would have been nothing more than a mere image in his brain: a fantasy, an illusion, peraphs.

At a certain point he had even given up trying to reason with the man, and therefore he had lowered a bit the tentative to convince him to leave the dormitory. At least he could go out during night time, just something to make him go away from that smelly and disgusting room.

"NO-! I mean- what if someone wasn’t asleep and instead began filming me?! I- I don’t know! You understand!? What if someone even noticed my hair? NO."

So when you would hit not only the near-impossible interest of Idia, he believed it was fate. And that’s what Idia thought. It was repeated that your meeting had been planned in advance by the Fate, an omnipotent existence that ruled at will both human and gods.

No one could escape the Fate.

Not even the beautiful little angel you were.

He thanked the fact of having known you online and not in real life- also because there would be only one chance in a million that would have met you just when it was released for the first time in the last five or six months. But now all he could do was keep watching your every move from the camera that conveniently could spot you every time you walked in, making him find out as many things about you.

"Ah~ my little and tempting angel! I bet you would have liked to have such a devoted follower like me."

As the months went by, the adorable little Ortho would become a huge friend of yours, which his personality allowed him to do, starting with a casual conversation over lunch in the cafeteria, with the excuse of having to look for a volunteer to test a new machine, which, despite much concern expressed by none other than by your friends who were currently sitting at your same table, you had naturally and immediately agreed to do.Helping was your main mission, your only mission, and so helping a little boy like Ortho was enough on its own to fill your pure heart with joy, coming shortly afterwards into the gloomy dormitorium.

His brother lacked that ability to be with others, so Ortho would be the voice and body of Idia outside his room, and not wanting his nii-san to lose all happiness, that one glimmer and glimmer of a possible better future that you were carrying- He didn’t want to be the cause of his suffering.

Idia could not help but compare himself to the lonely and gloomy Hades, who for centuries remained because of an extremely favoritist society that had forced him to be what he had become. In the past he could only compare you to the wonderful Persephone. Now he understood his ancestor. Or maybe it was a family thing.

But in the end, his brother, a boy so kind that you would never be able to resist his constant prayers that you should visit him at least once in his dorm, always spent a lot of time alone, and all he wanted was to spend a little more time with his new best friend! Did you really want to leave him all alone in a place so isolated and full of people just as isolated? No? Perfect! Just follow him to Big Brother’s room and you can all have a big pijama party! Actually, do you want some pomegranate? They are produced by his family, so you can also binge on them!

And that tiny little grain.

A grain had been your sentence.

A mere grain of pomegranate would have been the invisible chains that would have kept you in the room of Idia, you should have remembered the immense jealousy and possessiveness of the god of the dead, you should have known of his obsession with his beloved little angel.

The light morbidly attracts the darkness.

And now you were bound to him forever like his Persephone. Until the end of time, governing together, one beside the other, in a world of death and silence, where a land of sinful and decrepit souls will be forced to obey you two without asking questions, and not letting you fly away in the world of humans.

Even for the god of the underworld this method had worked, so why shouldn’t it have been the same for him?

There was a very small chance that everything he did might end badly, but Idia didn’t care. He could have been discovered by the inhabitants of the island or by other students, but in the end he knew that you could never leave him in any way, and he enjoyed this. Even if he had disappeared, the bond between you would have remained unbreakable.

Don't you know how many times Persephone has tried to escape from that gloomy, old-fashioned prison? She even tried to kill herself.

But how can you die when you’re already in a dead world, and what’s more dead then a dead spirit like yours?

And you too, as she did, would have surrendered to the inevitable fate that had been forged only for the two of you. You would have been chained to a world where the dead speak, and where the living die, and where the red juice of the pomegranate would have continually stained the floors with crimson, dripping from your wounds and your mouth, sealing you forever with the fire of the underworld to him.

You were deceived by a soul, and soon you would have to pay a heavy toll. A soul for your freedom, throwing you into a whirlpool of familiar whispers and shadows, drowning in death with Idia.

-𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐮𝐬 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐚-

Malleus Draconia, an extremely powerful wizard with powers still unknown to most students, an honorable student with excellent scholastic returns, a powerful young man who was destined for the throne , a boy who conveyed immediate anxiety to anyone who was in the same room with him, thus leading many people to associate his presence with something to avoid, a gloomy fae that for all those who saw it was a complete enigma, seemingly no solution, an extremely well-known individual, but who, fortunately or not, did not show around so often. And the students were grateful for that, they were constantly chatting and talking so much that they even forgot his presence in the school, some always avoiding to speak of him as if even his name was a taboo and others trying to neglect the whole by pretending it did not even exist. After all, those who mind their own business live for 100 years.

And for Malleus this was and will always be just ridiculous.

Why the hell would he even want to touch someone, let alone attack a student clairvoyant much weaker than him? He did not understand how those humans had come to conceptualize such a ridiculous and useless idea as those "beliefs" that had spread in the school since his arrival, he would never stoop to hurt anyone, and this made him more and more nervous, the rumors about him, as ninety percent of the students who met him ran away immediately with the queues between their legs.

"What a cowardly behavior. Truly miserable."

He resented the way his appearances did not reflect, as he thought, his real behavior, but he loved that respect that only he, only Malleus Draconia could have from all those who knew him directly or who had heard only false stories and stories about him, After all, he loved to see how the majority of the student body didn’t even look at him in his emerald eyes, for fear of what he could do to them.

But they wouldn’t have to worry, he repeated, he wouldn’t have done anything, even if he recognized that those fictionalized and false rumors had reality funds; he knew what he was capable of, and he was extremely proud of it, he knew a lot, too much, well the dragon that lay dormant within him, a beast that no one until that moment had managed to wonder except himself, and one that no one had ever awakened. Being close to a volcano is always safe, until it erupts, at least.

But again, these nocturnal behaviors around him only annoyed him more and more, he knew exactly what his classmates were doing.

Had he really been alone so long that now no one remembered? But it would not have been possible, he always heard the occasional whispers from the students of other dormitories, and moreover, he was the head of one of them, therefore, he had happily excluded this option, instead leaving him to bitterly process the other hypothesis.

Are they doing this on purpose? Whatever it is, it makes his blood boil with rage, but being stubborn as it was, it would have denied him immediately and fiercely, leading him to think that they were not necessarily avoiding him, but that they were just extremely forgetful. He was defending all of them by every means possible, and the least they could do to prevent half the castle from being suddenly struck by random lightning was at least to recognize his presence in the rooms.

"Shut up Zigvolt. I’m perfectly fine. Now, don't bother me. Ah, no, wait, take note of the fact that I’m gonna love it for a while, so you don’t have to wake up half the dorm screaming like you always do."

Obviously he had heard about you, the infamous and so much on everyone’s lips, even the silent and mysterious dorm mates, a spirit so free and so well-liked by everyone, so much so that he always had someone who would like to be with you. And Malleus at first couldn’t help but be slightly amused by all your "adventures" that every day you carried out with those other freshmen, including the controlling Sebek, who, in your presence did not scream in the slightest, and who was extremely delicate, giving the impression that if he had used even a pinch of his fae magic on you, you would have broken instantly like porcelain.

But would you break if you were in his presence?

He noticed that every single student always had an aura of calm and well-being after being with you, walking or just talking quickly with you. He wondered if he could finally feel himself, like the others, at peace with everyone and in particular with himself, if he could confess to you all kinds of dark thoughts he had always had, and if you would eventually forgive him.

To him you were like an unknown but fascinating presence at the same time, how you could induce so many men to follow you without them making moves on you, and without even needing some spells for it, How each time you seemed to bring a new air into the rooms every time you walked into one, how you could possess a talent for attracting all to yourself, things that, unfortunately, he could not do.

You were the opposite of him, so simple but at the same time so complicated to have close despite your charitable nature, and until then he would have considered you only a "funny" human completely exposed to all kinds of danger and so seemingly and certainly unaware of every evil that the world could reserve for everyone.

And everything would have been in a stalemate for him if I hadn’t had so much mercy on him.

"Hi, I wanted to ask you, since my friends and I were having a little party in my dorm, would you like to join us, I would really like to have you with us."

Everything seemed to be temporarily immobilized the moment you asked that question. Almost every person who had the luck or misfortune to have passed in that instant whispered how you had just signed your death sentence, while some even prepared to fight in the event Malleus could hurt you at any moment, and others still staring without moving a muscle.

As for him, he had regained no control over his body, as if his soul had temporarily left the material and bodily counterpart while he had no strength to move even a single muscle, while his face would not show even the slightest hint of emotion on his clear and defined features, making him look like an imposing and impressive statue for others.

But to you, it was not terrifying at all, which is why you continued to keep a sweet smile on your soft features and patiently waiting for a response from the fae, you had vaguely guessed from the very sight that he, like many others who had helped you throughout your life, had unfortunately always been misunderstood and put aside, you knew he was not the type to hurt someone casually, something for which your friends kept comparing you to a nurse always ready to help any soul that needed, but that he also continued to convince them not to do anything rash with him, and what you reproached them gently. You had managed to see the real Malleus Draconia, that child deprived of the necessary love and always estranged from everyone.

Suddenly, with a sharp nod of his head, he took leave just as quickly, leading you to snigger and admire the lukewarm sparks that remained of him.

"What a brave human."

This show of affection towards him, in his eyes, would have left him breathless and extremely confused, he simply cannot understand what was the spark that would have provoked his curiosity, He didn’t understand why a human like you had the guts to talk to him, let alone invite him to a party. But don’t misunderstand it, amidst that blanket of sudden emotions, an immense euphoria and joy would predominate such inner chaos. Finally someone invited him! Someone didn’t consider him a monster! He had finally met someone he had seen through his scales, he would finally have a friend for the first time, and he was elated by it.

From this point of no return, Malleus would wander much more often into the places you were accustomed to attend more often, and with every mention of your name or your sight, a light, hard-to-see smile would appear on his mouth, a smile that made him more charming but at the same time something he was not used to, always seeing himself and being seen with a perennial neutral and sometimes sad expression.

By the way, he would eventually become more concerned for your safety, still believing that you were a being created from porcelain, and that it could be broken even by a breath. He would begin to watch over your figure incessantly, not even letting his supposed trusted knights have the task of watching over you: Sebek was an extremely racist half-fae towards any kind of creature other than his own- and what for which Malleus mocked him silently, finding funny how he hated and did not want to see the half of himself- and even if he was duìiventato your friend and said to be changed for the better thanks to you, he didn’t believe that once at your window at night he could control himself. Most of all he knew that controlling his fae instincts was extremely complicated, so he excluded the handsome young man with the mint hair from the assignment.

While Silver, he probably would have fallen asleep during the times he was supposed to be watching you and keeping you safe, and not feeling safe about his presence at all along with yours, contrivedly imagining the fact that you could have been more comfortable with someone like you than with a powerful fae like him.

And leaving the job to none other than the one he trusted most, Lilia Vanrouge, who would immediately accept the job, subtly hinting that the future monarch might have a little crush on the adorable human.

It would be useless to say that every guy who before wandered around you, would have disappeared for a long time, noticing the look quite strange and disturbing both of Lilia and the heavy and suffocating presence of Malleus at your side. He absolutely had to avoid that he could be replaced by someone else unworthy and ungrateful of your presence, so making him more self-conscious and stunned by your calm and long chats, from which he would learn a lot of information about your life and yourself. At first he did not know what to do with that feeling of constant burning in his chest, he being quite if not completely inexperienced and innocent about abstract concepts and never tried for him as love.

Lilia would be his humble mentor in this new world where the powerful black-haired wizard would stumble upon. It would teach him everything he knew about this new burning feeling, a feeling as wonderful as it was painful.

And Malleus was doing exactly what the wise ancient fae had told him. Even though he still didn’t fully realize what he was doing, he trusted Lilia blindly, and he knew for a fact that he would never do anything to hinder him in any way. He was sacrificing for you every single piece of his mind, every drop of his being for you, putting his heart on a silver platter so you could do the same with yours. His behavior would start to change in a twisted way, constantly giving you questions, some of which were extremely personal and you weren’t allowed to answer, which annoyed him to say the least.

He was doing everything he needed to do, bare his heart, revealing all the darkest secrets of his soul, and you dared to lie to him and not answer?

Didn’t you have to make sacrifices?

In a relationship no one would keep secrets for themselves, and Malleus knew first of all what it was like to keep everything inside, catalyzing those emotions inside, but that didn’t justify your unwelcome behavior towards that kind of thing. He knew how hard it was, but if he could, he knew you could, too, and just as you comforted him on all his worries and forgave him for everything he did, he knew he would, too, He didn’t think you might have done such terrible or uncircumcised things that you would have categorically refused to express. He would never have judged the only person who had approached him, it would have been the equivalent of a suicide for the young man. He would never do that.

"All right, child of man, I see, now what do you say we take a walk? The weather is great right now."

He was doing everything he had to do, bare his heart, revealing all the darkest secrets of his soul, and you dared lie to him and not answer?

Didn’t you have to make sacrifices?

In a relationship no one would keep secrets for themselves, it wouldn’t be right; and Malleus knew firsthand what it meant to keep it all inside, catalyzing those emotions and hiding them, But that couldn’t possibly justify your unwelcome behavior towards that kind of thing. He knew how difficult it was to talk about uncomfortable topics and say everything to a person who couldn’t understand exactly how they felt; but if he, Malleus, could open up to you completely, he knew you could do the same with him.

And just as you comforted him on all his cares and forgave him for all that he had done, he knew he would also do it: he would hold your hands gently, wrap them with his much larger hands, and bring one to your wonderful face, stroking his cheek with his thumb and at the same time wiping a stray tear, he would have moved your head so that your looks could cross, the beautiful color of your eyes in contact with his jade eyes, inducing you to tell him all that you hid in the depths of your pure heart, smiling at your best and trying to comfort you to the fullest of his abilities, and holding you gently and tightly in an embrace as streams of words and words flowed from your mouth, as Malleus would have listened to every drop of it, drinking from your lips as if he were thirsty.

He didn’t think that you could do things so terrible or so evil that you would categorically refuse to express, he knew that you could never do it, he knew that you were so pure that not even the most corrupt creature would be able to corrupt you. And even if he was wrong about him, he would never have judged the only person who had ever approached him, never dreamed of it. A stab in the heart would have been better than witnessing your pain and disgust. He would never do that.

But, regardless of his thoughts and wills, he knew full well that everything that was going on around him was just daydreams, an illusion created by his cruel imagination to fill those moments when you weren’t together.

He did not understand.

What was going on?

What was happening to him?

All those images in his mind, all those thoughts about you, horrible scenarios where you forget about him, where you would finally listen to your pathetic friends and start avoiding him, like so many people have done before. The daydreams were progressively and slowly turning into nightmares for the fae, who did not yet understand what was happening, for him a morbid fear of your rejection, and the anger towards your friends who at the moment when they spotted even a small spark of his presence, would begin to invent unnecessary problems just to get away from him, which he would have responded with an even thicker stickiness than before, indirectly forcing you to stay with him for hours and hours, he could not describe the anxiety and the prominent prong he felt every time he saw you among those people who would separate you. He didn’t want to lose you, he would have died if you had just tried to leave, he felt a twinge in his heart just at the thought of canvases.

All he wanted was to hold on to his treasure so tight that he could never escape from his arms, so damn and selfishly close that no pathetic human or any other creature would ever be able to see you again.

During those moments of silence he would begin to think about which of the towering towers of his castle in his land would be most suitable for your stay. Surely he would have chosen the room in the highest tower of the castle, and the most lavish and shining room you would ever see, and inevitably he would have basked under the pride that your compliments on the luxuries of the place would have brought him, swelling his chest with a smile of happiness, one of his typical smiles he would do only in your presence. He would have taken care of you personally, leaving you with no choice but to blindly trust him, which he did with you, he would have dressed you in the best fabrics and dresses ever made, all custom-made by your future husband, would order his cooks to cook every dish or delicacy that would come to your mind, would make you bathe in the best cosmetics and beauty products recommended no less cehe by Vil himself. He would have lovingly provided for your every wish, even and especially at times when you wanted to become closer to each other. He would cuddle you lovingly everywhere in his castle, whether it was in front of Lilia and her knights or in front of his entire kingdom. He wanted everyone to know that you were his and his alone.

His beautiful treasure, the purest and brightest of all that other rubbish that ran around you and him.

This behavior and abrupt change in his habits, would have been noticed by you and everyone you considered friends and acquaintances, which would have only fulfilled his greatest fears, Now, despite your cryptic look where he could vaguely distinguish those two emotions that he absolutely did not want to see on your beautiful features, pain and distrust towards him.

He could not bear to live a life without you, by now you had become the only person who had finally given him the wonderful feeling of being well-liked, what did you expect from a powerful dragon fae who had always been deprived of love throughout his long life?

It was obvious that he would attach himself to the very first person who would show him some affection.

Especially if that person was you.

It would have changed your mind. He knew you’d never give him up, it wasn’t like you, it would make you realize that everything you were doing was just because you were being manipulated by your rotten friends that you were with every time. He only had to show you that those you considered friends were not such, and that he alone was worthy of your holy trust, taking your splendid body in his arms and returning to his land.

The school years were over for him, and by a lucky coincidence all this would fortunately happen a few months before the end of his senior year at Night Raven College. And as long as you could have fought him and tried to spread your white wings, tried to go desperately to Crowley, what could that stingy little crow do to a guy like him? He could literally shatter his precious school and everyone in it with a simple earthquake, and he knew he would never want that.

"Me’è corom veh, m’j cora⁴"

Finally he could fulfill his deepest dreams, finally he had another half to spend eternity with. He could finally have his happy ending, an end that had always been denied him until that moment, now it would become reality, and all because of your kindness and kindness.

You both would have your happy endings, forever trapped in the dragon’s jaws.

¹= Habibi is an Arabic word that literally means “my love” (sometimes also translated as “my dear,” “my darling,” or “beloved.”) It is used primarily as a pet name for friends, significant others, or family members. "Habibi" is used for boys, and "habibiti" for girls. I choose to use habibi because it's easier to me, but you can always change that based on your preferences!

²= Translated: "The beauty of this school, someone who has a beauty from another world."

³= A member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women or men sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile towards those who are sexually active.

⁴=Translated: "I love you, my love", from the Ancient Language of Feridia, the Feridian Alphabet consists of about 21 symbols with a refined spelling, which in most cases represent one of the elements of Nature that ruled the Island and the Fairies of Feridia. Almost every graphic symbol can be traced back to a letter of our current alphabet, allowing us in some cases to reproduce approximately some proper name.

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Part one

Part two