#and he knows i hate phone calls
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I fucking hate the early stages of getting better where you only have maybe 1 or 2 solid, semi-healthy coping mechanisms that aren't the most reliable at all times and you're still shaky about it all. I'd rather just be better, but at least when I'm not okay at all I lose all hope in where I could be and I've already forgotten how it feels to be okay and stable. and I KNOW I need more, solid coping mechanisms. but I just went from absolutely no healthy ones and zero hope of getting better to having a few healthy-in-moderation ones and being able to verbalize some basic life goals, so this is progress. I'm not there yet, but this is what I've got and I'm getting there. And it fucking sucks because every time I get here it only becomes so much more obvious how far I have fucking slipped.
#and i hate the early stages of talking#because one of my healthier coping mechanisms is talking#and i hate everybody so its a lot of talking to him#and i cant really insert myself into his life like that yet because there isnt commitment or obligation#not that i would anyway often#but i feel like shit#and hes going out to do things with his brother#which good for him and i genuinely hope he has the best time#but i feel actually so bad that if we were properly TOGETHER together id ask if it were possible to reschedule#or if i could at least come over after and maybe spend the night#or ask for a check-in when he has time or SOMETHING#especially because i didnt get to see him yesterday and i probably wont tomorrow because he works later#but we arent there yet or anything#and i dont want to be clingy#i probably wouldnt make him reschedule or anything even if we were together like that#but i really wish we were staying over level right about now#because he probably wont even consider inviting me over if he gets home at 8-9 or even later#but i miss him because the anxiety spike im having is BAD and i havent seen him in a bit so now im wondering if he actually likes me at all#(pure anxiety talking and i have no reason to believe it but that doesnt make it fully go away)#and i would at least like a phone call or something#but i hate phonecalls because im quiet as hell so theyre awkward and im a sit in silence typa bitch#and he knows i hate phone calls#and hes talked at length about how he hates phone calls and prefers messages and all that#so i think hed take me seriously if i asked him to call#but i also dont want to worry him if hed take it seriously if i asked him to call#because he should enjoy his day off and do fun things and not feel any need to hang out with me all the time or anything#i dont want him to feel like he needs to schedule his life around me ESPECIALLY when we arent even together#vent#whores lovesick musings
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I love the college of winterhold. everyone there is casually deranged and there's like an alarming number of students and staff who threaten you immediately when they meet you. it's always one of the first questlines I do. which makes it even funnier when you get made the arch-mage of the college. I'm level 12 and got through this questline knowing exactly 3 spells. what do you mean you want me to lead the college. this school CANNOT be an accredited institution
#i ask if anyone wants this job and everyone starts whistling and checking their phones#their magic phones. theyre scrolls#mia.txt#tes#skyrim#oh no wait i forgot j'zargo wants the position & actively tries to kill you (these are separate events but still probably not unrelated)#and nirya's gunning for it too. you know what maybe its a good thing im the archmage because im never there and don't do anything#i drop in every few weeks for 10 minutes then leave. the place pretty much runs itself right#reddit says “they have a bullying problem” yeah i know i married him#and he's the new boss' special little princess and he can do whatever he wants forever. call the police about it#dont bring your piddly ass problems to the archmage shes busy girlbossing (committing widescale atrocities)#(yes i know this is just how tamrielic mage guilds are but i just think its funny bc everyone fucking hates them specifically#like the rest of the town despises them and allegedly the nords have a special disdain for magic so its kind of funny that they make no#attempt to like. be more normal to gain the locals' trust#and you know what? good for them. fuck them nords)#ulothir#<- mentioned in the tags lmfao
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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I love this whole exchange so frigging much. Zack is yet to understand Sephiroth’s motives and moral compass, the almost hate-filled look in his eyes a reflection of how he still holds a whole bunch of rancor towards him from their disagreement in Wutai, glaring at the older man as if he can’t ever believed he ever respected him or even dared to hail him as a hero.


Only for Sephiroth to reveal later that he’s sacrificing his allegiance in order to keep Angeal, the very person Zack thought he was giving up on, alive and safe from ShinRa’s erasure.
“Fail to eliminate them.”
And it’s at that moment where, despite the simmers of bitterness and tension that still boil between them, Zack sees something in Sephiroth that he never saw before.
Not a hero.
Not a First Class SOLDIER.
But a loyal, loyal friend.
#plus his little non-evil smirk I luv it <33#sephiroth#ffvii#crisis core#zack fair#angeal hewley#ff7#genesis rhapsodos#given the phone call and zack’s ‘for real??’ reaction I like to believe he really didnt know what Seph was planning#and genuinely hated the man’s guts at this point#only to realize Seph really is the loyal hero he always thought him to be
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This definitely won't happen but it would be so fucking funny if they arrive at the planet Thrawn and Ezra were stranded on and it turns out that these two are best friends now and Thrawn is completely on Ezra's side. Morgan Elsbeth pleads for Thrawn to return and reignite the Empire and he's just like "those bitches? Fuck em. Ezzie and I started a band, we play Jizz music on Wednesdays. Here's my wallet pictures of us hanging out."
#Thrawn becomes the autistic older brother Ezra always needed and Ezra is the pet Loth cat Thrawn never wanted but loves anyway#Ahsoka#ahsoka series#ahsoka spoilers#Thrawn#ezra bridger#mitth'raw'nuruodo#ahsoka show#ahsoka show spoilers#Ahsoka Tano#ahsoka series spoilers#What will most likely happen is that they'll arrive to find Thrawn and Ezra were completely separated upon arrival#Possibly Ezra is on a completely different planet entirely#And it'll be an extra side quest to continue looking for Ezra#Thrawn will be the same old crusty musty dusty blue boy who hates everyone and is too smart for anything#<- I only called him crusty musty dusty because my phone's predicted text insisted those words belonged together and I'm crying#I do like him. He just smells#I'm interested to see how they handle his return however#We know the Empire never gets reformed until another 20 or so years from the time of the show under the name The First Order#So idk we'll see#This episode was so great
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getting queerbaited by an action webnovel is so embarrassing. but goddamn this dog is just too fucking good at chess
#this could apply to orv as well but i am talking about sctir#normally i hate when books that are very much not bls get called bls because of queerbaiting. but with this one.......#the relationship between sung hyunjae and han yoojin is just too good#han yoojin's type being people way taller than him. sung hyunjae always making sure to give han yoojin sweets cause he knows he likes them#the 'if you could give me what i want i'd lick your shoes and whatever else you'd like' 'its a shame we're on the phone right now' convo#not too mention the way sung hyunjae is the only one han yoojin relies on#and how han yoojin is the only person whos changed sung hyunjae#the possesive 'toy i like x person thats useful' to 'my partner' dynamic#the edge to all their conversations where sung hyunjae is juusssssssssstttt resisting breaking han yoojin because he's more fun in one piec#and how that changes when sung hyunjae starts to genuinely value han yoojin and want him safe#but part of him still wants to carve han yoojin open to see whats inside#like FUCK. why is this dog SO GODDAMN GOOD AT CHESS
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Yuki brothers spotted!! (ft. bonus Shino)
#bleach tybw#rikichi yuki#ryuunosuke yuki#shino madarame#in my heart somehow rikichi had at least an inch or two on ryuunosuke. but no#i feel like they did this joe shinigami best-of montage specifically for me (and b3) but then they took the orb charging sequence away???#why do you hate me tybw? what did i ever do to you?#anyway earlier there was a shot of rikichi messing around with his squad 6-branded spirit phone and I KNOW he was trying to call renji#whose phone was at 3% during the initial quincy incursion and quite possibly ended up getting left at the bottom of blood pond hell
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#my bf is like the coolest guy i know and he HATES phone calls. i actually like making phone calls#it makes me feel like i’m mastering the Real Person sim tm
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ngl i'm quite happy that i get to spend my bday here with you guys,, i've never been a big fan of bdays i rarely really celebrate them but now that i have you guys here i'm a bit more excited hehehe
#i usually just spend it with my friend#and that's enough i'm not complaining abt that at all#it's just that i don't really want to do anything with my family#except my brother ofc he's cool#like i hate the phone calls and the messages#well i'll be getting less of them now i think lmao#still#idk it just always feels so eeh#but yeah idk just knowing i got all of you my little meow meows here is making me feel a bit more happy abt it<3333333#there's still time though i'm making it sound like it's tmrw#i've just been thinking abt it recently that's all#i love you guys sooo so much wahhh#mayor of loserville
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#phone calls w my dad always knock me the fuck out#not in a I hate this guy way#in a ..... love and affection and opening up vs not are so. so. so. complicated kinda way.#anyways fuck my mother btw but I'm glad my dad exists#just. not great at letting him know that I think#simon.out.#I think more like I know#but..... he's somewhat in the know now? about??? some things???
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the idea of mack and wes being friends is so pure bc i can also see wes literally breaking the door down of the hartford mansion when he finds out that andrew hartford didnt tell mack he was an android
oh my god you’re so right
he wouldn’t be freaked out by the fact that his best friend was an android - because come on theyre rangers and there are weirder things they’ve seen (this probably wouldn’t even rank in the top 5 for either of them) - he’d just be furious that andrew purposely kept it from mack
wes would KNOW what it’s like to have a kind of off relationship with your dad, he would immediately be up to time strike andrew hartford into the sun and it takes all eric has to physically stop him from running out the door fully morphed
#i fell like it would happen after everything#mack and wes would on on their weekly phone call and mack would just drop it in casually because everyone in his life knows#and he forgot that there were people that really Didn’t Know#mack: ugh things have been weird but we defeated the monsters and i’m glad i came back to life even though i’m an android#wes: sorry WHAT#power rangers hcs#power rangers#power rangers time force#power rangers operation overdrive#time force#operation overdrive#wes collins#mighty morphin power rangers#incorrect quotes#headcanon#power rangers incorrect quotes#hc#mack hartford#mackenzie hartford#wesley collins#andrew hartford#in protest of not being able to hit macks dad the next time wes does a public appaearance he specially makes a t-shirt to wear#it says Andrew Hartford Hate Club#his dad is not happy with him#and then he gives mack the name of one of the best mechanics in the year 3000 In Case He Wants A Sword For An Arm#i’ve decided you can pry this friendship out of my cold dead hands#eric myers
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Hello there, Friend!
Don't mind me! Just going through the Wreck-It Ralph Screencap website– Again. 👀
I love looking at all the Screencaps and just... overanalyzing them! Always small details that I didn't pick up on (especially while watching the movie)
For example, The time-lapse at the start of the movie! Since it went by real quick and all!
Analysis down below! 👇
(^ And I'm assuming that this might be the first time the game was played?? Or maybe the first week of being plugged in? Not sure, but moving on!)
First off, imma say it... RALPH'S FACE IS FUCKING HEARTBREAKING TO LOOK AT. It's not the expression of: "Aw, I lost :( "
NO, HE LOOKS GUILTY. AND THIS WAS "30 YEARS AGO." HE ALREADY FELT BAD FOR BEING PROGRAMMED TO DESTROY THE NICELANDERS BUILDING.




Y'all see how Felix isn't looking at Ralph? He's either looking down at the building, like "Gosh, woo! The gamers did it! All fixed!! 😊"
Or he's looking at the Nicelanders (Sidenote: Yeah, it's most likely just cause that's how the gameplay was programmed. But I'm still gonna over-analyze it!)
Y'all see that?? The Nicelanders be smiling and happy for a moment, AND SWITCH UP AFTER FELIX CLOSES HIS EYES.
It's probably like that outside of gameplay too. They probably act one way while Felix is looking, and the moment he turns his back, THEY BECOME THE JERKLANDERS.
(^ I have to put this in cause I thought it was *SO* funny. "Man, Gene's the fucking mayor too. Goddamn Gene... fucking mayor of Pettyland." 💀 he's the biggest asshole out of all of them. Makes sense he'd be the Mayor of that petty shithole place. "nice"-land.)

His eyes just stay closed.

Felix, you oblivious little fuck (I love you, you dense lil man...)

BUT OPEN YOUR EYES MF-- GODDAMN!!
Okay, so the look of shock on Ralph's face. He's like "AYO WHAT THE FUCK Y'ALL DOING?! HOW CAN Y'ALL EVEN LIFT ME!!? I'M 9FT TALL AND WEIGH 653 POUNDS--"
Wait, cause y'all see how the first three Nicelanders are the ones lifting him up?
GENE AIN'T DOING ANYTHING. GENE YOU'RE A SHIT MAYOR. DON'T EVEN PULL YOUR WEIGHT AROUND HERE--
NAH, CAUSE FELIX IS THE ONLY ONE KEEPING THAT PLACE FROM FALLING APART. IN AND OUT OF GAMEPLAY.
^ GENE DON'T DO SHIT. 🗣📢
They gotta hold a new election; Felix for Mayor. Or LITERALLY ANYONE OTHER THAN GENE.
Ralph: "I'm a big part of the game, technically speaking... why are you here, GENE???"
*Gene's just the mf who gets thrown out of the building.*
KNOW YOUR PLACE, GODDAMN, GENE--
(Whoops I got off-topic. 😬💀)

Well first off - since it's the gameplay and all - for 30 years, Felix HAD HIS FUCKING EYES CLOSED; LITERALLY AND METAPHORICALLY.
Also, that's just level 1? How many levels does 'Fix-it Felix Jr' have? Does it just keep going until Felix Game-overs?
Does Ralph get thrown off the building every time a level's complete? Poor guy, and then he's treated like garbage - again, metaphorically AND LITERALLY
BECAUSE HE LIVES IN THE DUMP.
/end rant
#wreck it ralph#fix it felix#wir#fix it felix jr#wreck it ralph screencaps#wreck it ralph fandom#disney screencaps#this is just me ranting#once again#I need to come up with a tag for all my ramble posts#Maybe “Tristan Rambles” or “Tristan losing his shit; again” 💀#tristan ranting#idk i'll figure it out#I will literally take any chance I get - TO HATE ON GENE#NO HESITATION#All those bitches ('nice' landers) piss me off. BUT GODDAMN FUCKING GENE#^ the fact that my phone suggests “fucking Gene” right after I type “goddamn” 💀#@BashfulGnome hears all the “goddamn fucking gene” rants LMAO#everyone in the movie had character development... EXCEPT FOR FUCKING GENE#^ HE WAS AN ASSHOLE IN THE SECOND MOVIE TOO#“Come along now; CONDIMENT.” FUCKOFF GENE#The only good part of RBTI (besides Felix and Tammy) IS WHEN GENE GOT SPUN LIKE ONE OF THE TOYS IN TOY STORY#HE WAS LIKE THAT ONE BOWLING PIN THAT DOESNT GET KNOCKED OVER#grumbling to himself and looking pissed off when Felix called Tammy “Lady love~” LMAO#lmaoo get wrecked mf#Why is gene on the fucking cabinet?#also it's so weird that after 30 years of the same gameplay... It just changes AND NO ONE QUESTIONS ANYTHING#^ I have a whole hc that Mr Likwak knows what goes on after the arcade closes#I will write a separate post about that tho
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Voy a navegar en tu puerto azul
Quisiera saber de donde vienes tu
Vamos a dejar que el tiempo pare
Ver nuestros recuerdos en los mares
#song is Soledad y el Mar by Natalia Lafourcade#theyve so terribly invaded my mind#Yes i took killian’s blue eyes#This usually happens to blue eyed characters i like LOL#he looked like that one blue eyes meme u know the one i did him a favor#ouat#captain swan#once upon a time#btw did u know killian is he/they nonbinary and emma is trans all pronouns haver#theyre t4 t if u think about it#dumping my captain swan hcs here for mo reason other than i must talk about them#in my perfect world killian is shorter than emma#killian taught emma to sword fight#emma taught killian to drive but he hates cars so she drives him everywhere#he WOULD however give motorcycles a chance#his love is his ship tho but u cant get everywhere via sea smh#emma would only call killian babe when shes quoting something btw i know this in my heart#the only contact killian has saved on their phone is emma’s every body else whos ever texted/called him has remained as Just A Phone Number
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every day i am forced to go on unnecessary sidequests
#i get email telling me to put information in a thing. however the thing does not exist.#i hate talking on the phone but i need quick answers in this circumstance so i call the people. i ask.#''where is thing for me to put info in?''#the guy responds.#''i don't know about that thing. i don't think that thing exists.''#i blink audibly. i respond#''then what do i do. why get email''#he replies with what amounts to an . ''idk </3'' so i go ''ok. thanks'' and just. hang up#i had to go through all the hyping myself up to get on the phone and call someone . i had to run through all my pre-call scripting.#for NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#clamtalk
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the lord is going to need to send me four different blessings to balance out the way this week is going 😍 like one is not enough brother
#lee’s bullshit#phone call yesterday on the toilet BAM “you need to pick your grandfather up from the hospital tmrw”#”bc he passed out mysteriously and has to stay overnight” terrifying! thanks! I’m still on the toilet!#haven’t even gotten off the toilet#”you also need to contact your insane ex and tell her she DOES have to keep paying rent which she will obviously receive well”#cool !! I’m so pumped to hear that !! I’m still mid shit can we resume this in two minutes please.#done with shit!#”yeah idk why she expects this did YOU tell her something to make her believe that?” probably ! I wanted her gone and hated her guts!#”well you need to tell her now” she’s going to love that !!!#roommates come home#”yeah the discussion w our friend who’s losing her shit went (predictably) badly and now we’re all upset again” so cool ! Awesome!#”she also wants a specific apology from you” I could not care less I think she’s so full of shit for all of this I’m done. No.#pick up grandfather today (he’s doing ok thank god j dehydrated from the flu)#get him home have violent indigestion#Visit other grandparents while I’m in town#”your aunt is in extended rehab rn for addiction” sooooo cool ok awesome !! Great!#back home now having violent chest pain !! Probably stress induced but who knows.#anyway at least the double side family addictive personality trend enforces my decision to never touch alcohol !!#what a fun weekend. Can’t wait to work all day tmrw. Jesus fuck.#anyway whatever I’m tired I’m going to watch tv or something
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For those who are unsure of whether or not they really have the "sensitivity to cold" symptom of fibromyalgia, because you think that it's just you not being able to handle colder temperatures like other people, that's one way of putting it. The other way is, when it's winter and the temperatures start dropping, do you feel your pain more intensely? Do you feel like you have more problems with your joints? Is your partner always commenting how cold your fingers and toes are, but it somehow gets more frequent in winter? Those are other ways to consider being sensitive to the cold.
#just a little food for thought#I'm thinking bc I'm high af#I had to take an entire 50 mg gummy tonight because I had some serious fucking pain#I didn't realize it was going to be a consistent pattern of winter making me feel like shit#but here we are in year two of No Longer Ignoring My Symptoms#and I'm still questioning whether or not it's actually fibromyalgia#like I 100% definitively know what it is#I just still don't have the doctors sign off bc I hate phone calls and I'm getting new insurance next month#so I figure might as well wait to see if the new insurance covers any differently#things to look forward to with the new job#anyways I'm forever grateful I didn't have to jump through every stupid ass hoop my husband did when he went full time with my company#it's explicitly designed against people who aren't neurotypical and it's honestly the most bullshit program ever#no they don't give full time by merit in my company#I really only got the job because my file boss wanted me explicitly for her job when she retires#and I will be eternally grateful that she saw something in me that no other manager saw#anyways ignore all these tags anyone who reads this that found this in the fibromyalgia tag instead of my blog#fibromyalgia#>.>#kudos to those who read this far#your journey shall reward you with a small token of my gratitude#🐦⬛ a friend for you
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