#but we arent there yet or anything
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I fucking hate the early stages of getting better where you only have maybe 1 or 2 solid, semi-healthy coping mechanisms that aren't the most reliable at all times and you're still shaky about it all. I'd rather just be better, but at least when I'm not okay at all I lose all hope in where I could be and I've already forgotten how it feels to be okay and stable. and I KNOW I need more, solid coping mechanisms. but I just went from absolutely no healthy ones and zero hope of getting better to having a few healthy-in-moderation ones and being able to verbalize some basic life goals, so this is progress. I'm not there yet, but this is what I've got and I'm getting there. And it fucking sucks because every time I get here it only becomes so much more obvious how far I have fucking slipped.
#and i hate the early stages of talking#because one of my healthier coping mechanisms is talking#and i hate everybody so its a lot of talking to him#and i cant really insert myself into his life like that yet because there isnt commitment or obligation#not that i would anyway often#but i feel like shit#and hes going out to do things with his brother#which good for him and i genuinely hope he has the best time#but i feel actually so bad that if we were properly TOGETHER together id ask if it were possible to reschedule#or if i could at least come over after and maybe spend the night#or ask for a check-in when he has time or SOMETHING#especially because i didnt get to see him yesterday and i probably wont tomorrow because he works later#but we arent there yet or anything#and i dont want to be clingy#i probably wouldnt make him reschedule or anything even if we were together like that#but i really wish we were staying over level right about now#because he probably wont even consider inviting me over if he gets home at 8-9 or even later#but i miss him because the anxiety spike im having is BAD and i havent seen him in a bit so now im wondering if he actually likes me at all#(pure anxiety talking and i have no reason to believe it but that doesnt make it fully go away)#and i would at least like a phone call or something#but i hate phonecalls because im quiet as hell so theyre awkward and im a sit in silence typa bitch#and he knows i hate phone calls#and hes talked at length about how he hates phone calls and prefers messages and all that#so i think hed take me seriously if i asked him to call#but i also dont want to worry him if hed take it seriously if i asked him to call#because he should enjoy his day off and do fun things and not feel any need to hang out with me all the time or anything#i dont want him to feel like he needs to schedule his life around me ESPECIALLY when we arent even together#vent#whores lovesick musings
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have never understood why squatting is considered a crime. loitering too. sir you have been arrested for the crime of....chilling. and hanging out. and taking a little nap
#also homeless encampments are never in the way of anything and yet the cops still harrass them. its fucked up#like we straight up push people out of existence. and for what#i know im not saying anything new here im just mad abt htis#like!!! if its space nobodys using for shit who cares! who cares omg. if we arent gonna house people we shld at least let them exist#like theyre already having a hard enough time man.#im sick of how ppl around where i live talk abt the homeless problem as though homeless people are the problem that needs to be solved#like no empathy no self awareness these 'normal' ppl want the unhoused dead or in prison and dont get how ghoulish they sound. anyways
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tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.
#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.#i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces#i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning#every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future#i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out#like everything is always at the same volume for me#all the fucking time no matter what#and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here#BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED#BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR#AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH#IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM.#YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT.#WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED.#i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating#and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe.#maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS.#IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT.#literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS
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i only open tumblr to post gay fan art and giggle and kick my feet at monas blog
#“this song reminds me of you” why arent we married yet! !#mona i will literally do anything you tell me to btw#mona did you know i love you#also i thrifted 5/7 seasons of house md on dvd yesterday!!!#whenever i get my shelves in order... shelf tour will be posted#egonkula rambling#liddle stars
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No is a complete sentence why can't customers accept that
#oh why arent you open yet#are u sure i cant buy anything#YES IM SURE#IM CLOSED#a bit of popcorn isnt going to make or break ur day!!!#come back in 20 mins if it matters that much to you!!#oh ill give u a dollar#makr it 20 and then maybe#but u arent going to give me a 20 dollar tip for a 3 dollar bag of popcorn#we both know that
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mabeline/jonah wolf in my 2020s timeskip au! read my tags for more information about her
#first things first i think in like 2022 him and spencer def broke up at some point for a multitude of reasons#mainly that mabeline feels she's matured and has taken on a more protective/providing role in spencer's life and yet he hasnt changed 1 bit#if anything he just got worse#the breakup itself isnt over like some huge conflict. jonah just realizes one day this guy is kind of bad for me and she loves him still#but doesnt know if they really should be together so she says something like. i think we should take a break.#and the two of them arent together for most of the story in this au#on spencer's end this leads to a whole bunch of turmoil an identity crisis a situationship with maddiefriend etc#on mabeline's end he's kind of just left with this quiet longing#she's objectively doing quite well for herself but he finds himself missing something. he just wishes spencer were still with her#and hates himself for still being stuck on him but cant stop thinking about what if he gets better#so eventually by the end of the story i think they would get back together#her and spencer reunite and shes hesitant at first to accept him but he proves that he's changed for the better and learned his lesson.#and she admits to herself and to him that he loves him#i'll try to make this more cohesive if i actually write this as a fic or a comic sometime#not that i really have time for that... these days. sigh#anyways besides pining over her ex she gets up to some other stuff like starting testosterone and fursuit commissions like it says up there#as of getting back together with spencer in 2025 (?) she still lives with her parents#but she has accumulated enough mouney to like rent an apartment so afterwards him and spencer end up living together and working towards#getting enough money for a hosue#i think maybe also her and spencer become fully fledged members of P.I.E.? im thinking about the future of P.I.E. as well#toast and ghost are retired probably by this point and i think spooker and chris would become the main guys#i havent put THAT much thought into it but i think woah should be involved as like an apprentice and sue's daughter too who i will draw soo#P.I.E. experts let me know what you think the future holds for them... if you are okay with it i might use your ideas for inspiration#anyways actual tags now#venturiantale#taleblr#mabeline wolf#jonah wolf#venturiantale fanart#VT 2020s au
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love love LOVE when negative reviews of tlovm complain about how “woke” it is when we’re still only halfway through the second arc. babe we arent even at the cunt-serving nonbinary dragon yet
#its so funny. pal we are on easy mode right now. you havent seen anything yet#babe we arent even at mighty nein yet. babe we arent even at bells hells yet#cr#tlovm#critical role#j’mon sa ord#jmon sa ord#imjust really excited to see jmon sa ord animated#vm
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it is so fucking unfortunate and heartbreaking knowing that the only publicity your area is getting now and probably will for the next while is for the fact that the mountains flooded, when, famously, the mountains do not flood. especially when there are whole towns (2000 ft+ in elevation, mind you) that have been completely washed off the map or stranded. and we're supposed to relive this in a week's time.
#hurricane helene#appalachia#tennessee#north carolina#virginia#and here they were expecting us to 'just evacuate' when#no#we cant do that#contrary to popular belief we arent just a bunch of uneducated rednecks who care only about their guns. we're people with families#people who have lost their entire lives in literally less than 48 hours and have yet to be able to even BEGIN picking up the pieces.#THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE MISSING DAYS LATER.#and i think this happening has made me realize that. i HATE the fact that nobody will ever see us as anything different.#this doesnt happen in the mountains. it's NEVER happened#something something 'but muh climate change isnt real'#its right here but youre too blinded by hate to even look in our direction
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no actually it is kind of a wonder to me how pb is operating with whb like it is bc. arent yall also hosted (i believe anyways im not sure if their partnership w/ erolabs goes beyond that) by another company w/ SEVERAL gachas under its belt. so whats goin on here. nobody taking notes? are we doing market research? is anyone even play testing. hello. its so dark in here
#cliffnotes/.txt#whb#LIKE. atp im just here to see how long it lasts#not even a full year yet and honestly it srarted going downhill december....#i feared back in march they were gonna be trying to do passes monthly and its not a good look. thats like ~60 per month#thats a bill payment.#even subscription based mmos dont cost that much.#and lets be frank the game is not of any sort of quality that justifies $60 for a jpeg (and imo a lackluster side story)#like sry u can only use the company size as an excuse for so long and i will never dickride a company ever#but its. man.#i am interested in the game and its characters and story if we could GET TO ITTTTT#RAHHHH#atp im like is anyone trying to make sure this game lasts. it feels like its gotta be fully aware sabotage now#bc these choices arent making sense unless the point is truly just a quick buck#theres some useful little changes here and there but. man#it get overshadowed by the greed real quickly#i dont even care abt beel either just on principle. this is. a real head scratcher.#also this has been in my drafts since may if that means anything.#i just rewrote my tags 😭
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had to take a long moment to consider calling out simply because i don't want to go to work today just to allow myself the pleasure of thinking about it, but alas now i have to get up and get ready for work :(
#i could but i won't sadly#idk how much longer i have until my points reset and i really don't wanna waste any in the meantime#its not like. a bad day or anything. at least not yet.#not that i know of#i just.... don't want to get up#so baudelaide is a kinda bad day but it's not a debilitating day#sigh#shh ac#wdit: why tge fuck did 'maybe' autocorrect to a misspelled attempt at Baudelaire?????#we arent talking about french poets rn
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btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.
#warning: don’t open up these tags I went on a very heated and rather unrelated rant cuz I’ve been mad#trafficblr#life series#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#jimmy solidarity#also I’m sick of seeing ppl celebrate Jimmy surviving because they hate the canary curse fans like SHUT UP!!! LET US HAVE FUN GOD!!!#LIKE LITERALLY EVEN IF NOBODY CAME UP WITH THE CANARY METAPHOR WE WOULD STILL BE TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALWAYS DYING OK WE DIDNT MAKE UP THAT#HE DIES FIRST HE JUST DOES. GOD. so what if some people make shakespeare sounding posts about the curse that I don’t understand. we are JUST#having fun and making connections where we don’t need to BECAUSE ITS FUN. NOT CUZ WE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. sorry for the past few#days I’ve been genuinely mad at this fandom’s growing hatred towards its own community.#LIKE IM FINE IF ITS NOT YOUR THING BUT GOD. WE ARENT EVEN DOING ANYTHING 😭😭😭 THE LORE LITERALLY WRITES ITSELF OR IS WRITTEN BY MARTYN LOL#I’ve just been getting SO TILTED man. like ohhh yeah okay ur right i said too much guess I won’t say anything anymore#does anyone else genuinely not know wtf ppl are talking about when they say a certain hc takes over everything about the character#cuz I literally see so much varied Jimmy content yet I’ve seen several ppl complain that ppl ignore aspects of his character in favor of#WHATEVER when I literally don’t see that happening to him. step out of ur circle or something I don’t even HAVE a circle man
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Pretty sure every time someone asks my dad if I'm his son an angel gets its wings. Or. In general whenever someone assumes I'm a man
#and that is magically how my new favorite outfits are decided /half joking.#I feel a little bad because the guy just seemed a bit mind-boggled. Not upset or against it or anything just. what.#probably didnt help that when my dad said I was his daughter I in a playful tone denied it and said no.#I normally dont talk about these things cause even like. the awareness of it can upset me and make me feel. not good aboit myself.#But I'm still riding the tearful high of it happening that my brain is turning down any and all negative thoughts about it.#I hadnt spoken yet and I have a fear that even if i get 'mistaken' as a boy my voice will give me away but.#We arent thinking about that right now. Or. perhaps ever! Since it is a thing that I cant really control and. I should probably have.#positive thoughts about my own voice.#partly why I always just default to my F/Os magically knowing I'm a man or my situation and not minding or caring at all.#okay okay im leaving now before I can think aboit this too long and get pummeled with thoughts we shouldnt think!!!
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im so sorry mgmt im sorry that minecraft movie would do that to you
#99.txt#get your bag tho i guess....#guh the trailer looks so bad. i mean i havent seen it yet but ugh. cashgrab#''minecraft fans love it !!'' noooo we dont x_x#like i see what theyre trying to do like ''~it can be anything you dream ~*~'' and like. that DOES line up with why people love the game#but.... im not convinced they actually mean it ?? just feels cheap and corny idk#you could argue like ''this is for children ofc its stupid'' but first off i dont think things for children should be stupid#and also minecraft is 15 years old... a lot of people playing it arent children anymore
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so clearly i arrived fine and the start to my "trip" is going great! now it's 2am and im feeling the gravity of my situation 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
#i have a couch to crash on in nyc but i need money to get BACK THERE#i have 45 days to get a job. because a certain relative i have will magically produce the money for me to move back if i have a job offer#even though i still wont be able to afford an apartment or anything yet#fuck i am realizing how really fucking fucked i am#the same relative that put me in this position is the one who's helping me on terms he has not specified :) haha im not scared at all#like okay with my gfm that proved to me that i dont need him right but i cant do two gfms like oh wow teddy needs help again cant get a job#yet huh loser. and i just cant bring myself to Actually Borrow money from people even though we both know ill pay it back#the childhood trauma of having grown up homeless is hitting HARD rn#doesnt help that my meds are Very Messed Up at the minute#my heart problems and crazy pills arent getting along well#so i need uhhh to take care of that! fuck id like. to. well the work relies upon your continuance. unfortunately#dont particularly feel like it does at the moment [frantically thumbs thru my mental book of things to say when i wanna die] eh kinda wanna#see how the story ends though the chapter started kinda weird but maybe it gets better. maybe it's a turning point or smthn#lessons of the hand and the mouth
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i just napped for like 4 hrs. uh. hello.
#logbook#did my half day ate lunch and then was like. i'll go rest at rents while they're out and about.#ended up napping. knew it was happening once i couldnt keep my eyes open but i swear i set an alarm. now its after 7.#i bet exes arent home. havent heard anything. and if i go home i'll have to watch the dog til they come back.#'just leave him crated' he'll whine and cry bc ofc he knows i'll be home. and i dont have space for him in the room rn.#but he also deserves to be out and spend time. and i love spending time with him.#idk that whole mentality of 'not your animal' pisses me off bc when you live with someone elses pet they sort of DO become your pet.#like sorry but you share the space. i dont pay vet bills or buy food but i do actually feed fhem. and walk him#sometimes. and i spend time with all 4. i take leia outside to smell the air. and i nap with them#the cats and the dog snuggle me and greet me at the door. i think they know i'm leaving bc theyve been sooo affectionate.#and also half of these problems wouldnt exist with them if it wasnt negative towards me or i still slept in the bed lol#im going to miss them so much it hurts. . .and i know its going to affect them bc it did with the puppies and it has with emira.#didnt mean for this to become a sad log yet here we are. sigh.#so much for my half day. i was going to game and plan out house stuff but. oh well.#my body probably needs the rest anyways.
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I miss the times when my first immediate thought when I saw a Netflix show trending wasn't "oh, shit, please tell me they didn't cancel it"
#everything is fine!#but i saw SAB trending and i got so scared#seriously s2 dropped a while ago and we arent expecting new trailers or anything yet#so seeing it trending was terrifying#if a netflix show trends out of season it's because either the fans are begging them not to cancel it or crying because they cancelled it#shadow and bone#grishaverse#nym's posts
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