#and he doesn't have to overthink anything he does anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sehodreams · 9 months ago

Text

come inside of my heart

TW and Tags: all consensual, smut, fluff (corny moments, sorry), porn with plot(?), making out sessions, weird characters(?), fingering, Seunghan overthinking, mutual pining(?), corruption kink(?), p in v, oral sex (both receiving), dom!Seunghan, friends with benefits(?)(more like classmates with benefits).

WC: 14k (I’M.SO.SORRY)

Summary: Seunghan has a problem with letting people stay close to him for long, so when he meets you, he expects his interest to fade like it usually does, but this time things seem to be different.

Comment: Again, another weird story that didn’t end or go like I expected, my head it’s kind of weird while writing idk, I wanted it to be a story of Seunghan plainly fucking reader so much she couldn’t think anymore, but it still has porn. Also, I think this should be under a fantasy category because it’s so idealistic hahahaha.

Yeah, I should stop writing on my laptop because these stories have gone from 4k to 10k+ and my mind can’t take it, and I'm sorry, but after this, I'm taking at least a two-day break, I wasn't going to let it win but it did suck my whole soul, so Seunghan better comes back soon, let's think this is an early celebration.

Pd: I did a bit of proofreading but not much, only at the end because I realized that I always write everything in past, and suddenly it was all in present and it was so weird.

Seunghan, unlike what many think, gets easily bored of people.

He doesn't know if it has something to do with his mbti or whatever people talked about those days, but what he knows is that, since he was young, he’s liked to know people, but he also got quickly tired of them.

For him, it was easy to start the communication, and with that he doesn’t mean being the first one saying hello or introducing himself, he hated being the one making the first step, but he liked to be the first one doing the real questions. Seunghan would prefer to say he was naturally curious, but he wasn’t, he wanted to know what people’s hobbies and thoughts were with the purpose of learning how to behave and what to say to them, because more than curious, he liked to be liked.

There wasn’t anything he disliked more than useless problems and uncomfortable moments with people he didn’t care enough about, so for his own peace, and to maintain the harmony around him, he preferred to just please others.

He knew he had a talent not many had, making people comfortable came to him almost like breathing, and, therefore, many wanted to stay around him, but not many got the privilege of staying for long.

It was hard to keep him entertained, so it was common to see different people flying around him, whether he was the one talking or listening, it didn’t matter, people felt attracted to his presence, and he enjoyed the attention even when he didn’t say anything at all, so he let them approach him, but if they didn’t have anything else to offer than their company, he’d go and find another person that picked his interest until he got bored and repeated the cycle again. Still, even knowing they wouldn’t last long, everyone wanted to stay by his side, and they would work hard for it, but if Seunghan didn’t want them in his space, he’d softly push them away by filling their roles with other characters, and not finding their place beside him anymore, they’d slowly leave him without making a scene.

To your luck, or disgrace, you somehow had caught his interest this time.

As expected, after you caught his attention, he decided to dig as much as he could about you, however, what was unexpected, was the kind of person you were and how you caught his attention.

He had a type for everything, at his age he knew enough about what he usually liked. He liked smart opinionated people who always had something to say, he liked how being seen with them always elevated his status and profile in everyone else’s eyes, so they were most of the people that always flocked with him, and of course, that included pretty girls with energetic voices. The way they would follow the conversation with witty remarks and would understand his humour left a lingering feeling of satisfaction he tried to savour as long as he could when he flirted with them, and he couldn't deny it, he was a sucker for pretty faces, he loved the way their smiles would shine and illuminate the room, and how they matched his eagerness for the public attention.

Surprisingly, in the curse of his life, he hasn't had a ton of dates, he’s had his fair share of relationships and an impressive quantity of received confessions, but he carefully chose who to give such opportunity to before he decided to accept the other's feelings. Going out with him had to bring something into his life for him to decide they were good enough to receive his time and effort, and since he knew how easily he could get tired of them, they had to make him think that he would enjoy their presence for at least a decent period of time.

He's never had to chase anyone, he's always been the chased one, or he was until you arrived, and what bothered his mind every time he ran to you was that you weren't his style at all.

You didn’t check any of his boxes.

In first place, you weren't energetic at all. You never matched his conversations with equal happiness, you didn't understand his jokes most of the time and you didn't even try to continue the flow of his conversations. With no remarks and no comments, you'd let the contact die as soon as you could, which always itched something in the back of his head. He can even remember what your first messages looked like. He would send two or three lines of whatever went through his mind, being extremely polite to you as his classmate, wishing to be on your good side, and you would answer with the driest ok he had ever seen in his life.

Hi, just a quick question, what do you think about moving the meetings to my house? I think it'd be better for all of us since none of them would have to pay for coffee and I have everything we might need in my place, it's just something that went through my mind and I wanted to send it to the group chat but I know you live kind of far from here so I wanted to ask you first, so what do you think?

He still gets annoyed when he remembers your past messages.

In second place, you weren't the bright person he usually liked to hang out with. You would never make anyone turn back to see you twice, sometimes they wouldn't notice you even if you were in front of them, and you'd often get ignored if he didn't repeat your comments while working together, which honestly impressed him since you only talked if you had something useful to say, so he would expect others to stay silent when you showed intentions of entering the conversation, but your voice would simply get lost between everyone spitting random ideas and opinions that were rather pointless. You were still kind enough to answer each of them before everyone followed your ideas, receiving no appreciation back from anyone, and it did bother him to see that happening every meeting, hoping that at some point everyone would learn to shut up and give you your time, but it bothered him even more to see that you didn’t care if they listened to you or not.

At least, after a couple of meetings, it was almost established that his seat would be always next to you because no one, except him, found being near you important.

And last but not least, your face wasn't his type. You weren't ugly, but you weren't the prettiest girl in the room either. You were rather normal with your round brown eyes and your dark hair, unlike the girls with caramel eyes and smooth hair that always looked as if they just arrived from a hair salon appointment, you simply had no spark, and you didn't try to get one either. You would wear plain clothes with no sense of style, only thinking in your comfort instead of what others said behind your back, and he couldn’t imagine himself going hand in hand with you looking that way.

Seunghan almost never got involved with people like you, dull and boring. He was sure that if it wasn’t for the project, he wouldn’t have learned your name, and if it wasn’t for the unexpected turn of events, you’d have ended like one of the numerous faceless people in his past.

The way you slowly and effortlessly took a spot in his head was unconventional. Unlike the continuous messages and invitations most people did to get closer to him, you only did your stuff, working on your tasks and lending a hand if anyone asked for help, but it was kind of endearing how someone who looked so uninterested in everyone else and their opinions would work hard to help if needed. Even if they ignored you most of the time, you had no resentment at all, and when Seunghan asked you if you minded that they called for you that much, your answer was so short it made him analyze each of your words for days, ‘’Well, the work has to be done’’.

He wanted to know if you were a fool letting yourself be taken advantage of or if you simply wanted to end things as fast as you could, and he was inclining more into the latest seeing your blank face writing over your keyboard and yawning unbothered when most of them had left and you stayed to finish their parts because, just like you had said, I won’t open the document once I cross your door.

‘’Aren’t you mad?’’ he then asked.

‘’Not really, why would I get mad?’’ you said without stopping your work.

‘’I don’t know, I just feel like you should’’ Seunghan bit his lip and watched you skillfully go through the document introducing commas and changing words, not wanting to interrupt you but doing it anyways because he couldn’t stay with the doubt in his mind, ‘’don’t you ever get mad?’’

‘’Uhmm no’’ you answered without stopping your work, ‘’I do get mad, I don’t mind correcting other’s work on the computer, but I hate washing other’s dishes.’’

That makes sense, he thought, because you never offered yourself to help him wash everyone’s cups once they left you two alone, and he didn’t realize it until that moment, but the common thing would’ve been to at least offer yourself to take them to the kitchen, thing you never did.

Another question popped into his mind.

‘’Don’t you work in a restaurant?’’ he, after a long time, asked.

‘’Yeah’’

He laughed for days when that conversation replayed in his head.

A routine had been formed after many reunions. Every member of the group would go to his house each Thursday for a couple of hours to show what they had advanced for the big project and the little work the professor left through the semester. You’d arrive a couple of minutes earlier than them since you finished your shift in the restaurant you worked at, and you’d stay there silently scrolling your phone while he revised the shared document. Then, when they all left, you would stay to check with him his work, he trusting you to respectfully correct him and help him just like you did with the others.

It was one of those numerous late nights that, whatever you had, started.

You were biting your lower lip while reading his paragraphs, making a couple of changes every now and then, not paying him any attention on your side, and he doesn’t know what went through his mind, you were calmly doing your own thing, you weren’t any different than usual, with your plain t-shirt and your glasses reflecting the screen light, no colour on your cheeks and hair strings poking out of your ponytail, when his hand moved on its own, accommodating them behind your ear.

Your hands immediately paralyzed, and your eyes stayed glued to the sentence you were about to change, surprised by his sudden action.

‘’Sorry,’’ he apologized, feeling surprised even with himself for doing that.

‘’It’s okay’’ you said and continued.

When you finished his part, you quickly grabbed your things and left, leaving him alone in his apartment with a sour taste in his mouth, repeating in his head how stupid he was for not being able to control his own hand.

You didn’t mention anything about it to anyone, and not that he had thought you would go and scream it to the public, but there was something that told him to be careful with you from that moment on, because you weren’t his prospect, and he couldn’t let you catch unnecessary feelings for him.

The next time you stayed to check his work, he kissed you.

His mind couldn’t function with you around. You, again, had done nothing different from usual, you sat beside him focused on your screen the whole time, correcting his progress, acting as if nothing had happened, making him feel like the only one overthinking the past situation. You showed no interest in him and he had repeated in his head that he should be careful with you that afternoon, he was so into it that when you arrived, instead of sitting beside you until the others got there, he went to his kitchen and rewashed the cups he gave each of them, yet when everyone had left and you were saying something about him reading a certain book to write more about the topic in his part, his hand moved to your neck, and making you face him, he pressed his lips over yours.

He had never done that before, he had never stolen a kiss, even less from someone who showed no interest in him, with no previous flirt and tons of flattering messages directed to him making clear that he could go for it.

You were reluctant at first, not corresponding to his lips movement, mouth hard like a stone. That almost threw him off, but when he was about to leave you, your mouth finally opened to him, letting him interlock his lips with yours, stealing some of your air and sensing the rare softness you had, a touch of inexperience with coffee flavour.

So smart for everything except that, he felt like he could finally teach you something, and that fired the last doubt inside him.

From that day on, every time you went to his house, he would kiss you until everyone else arrived, leaving you with glossy eyes and a different air around you that they noticed but commented nothing about, and when they left and you finished with the last touches of the document, he’d kiss you again, making you bolder and bolder to accept him with every session.

If he went to his kitchen and tapped your hand you would follow him without a word, if the last person about to leave went to the bathroom he wouldn’t doubt to quickly kiss you before they came back, and if you were doing nothing while waiting, he only had to walk to your side for you to lift your eyes and met his lips.

You showed no eagerness to start the kisses, but you always received him with appetite, and that was enough for him to not want to stop.

His preoccupation about you saying something was long forgotten, just in those meetings, even when it was only the two of you, you said no word about the kisses, a silent pact to keep what you had in secret and only behind his doors.

Also, another thing that helped him go around campus with an easy mind was that you showed no intention to change yourself. Usually, when he dated girls they would put more effort into their appearances, they would ask him to buy couple accessories to show off what they were, and then they would match his style, introducing clothes with colours he liked or constantly wore into their wardrobe, like a distinction to show off they were with him, but you didn’t try to do any of that at all, going around with the same clothes, not asking for a single thing from him, not even taunting the idea of having a shared accessory.

You weren’t dating, he knew you didn’t think you were a couple at all, so maybe that was why.

You didn’t ask him what you were, you didn’t pressure him into asking you out, or even insinuate that you liked him. He didn’t understand how you didn’t put any of those cards on the table, you had the chance every time you went to his house, but you didn’t. Seunghan couldn’t understand how you, unlike others, even himself, had no interest in grabbing the opportunity of getting a higher status and being the centre of everyone’s attention, by being with him you could escalate the pyramid, but it seemed like the invisible pyramid he always saw in his head was the last of your concerns.

He was kind of grateful that you didn’t see the point in telling others what you were doing in his living room because thanks to that he felt relaxed beside you. He knew you wouldn’t tell anyone if he did anything wrong, if his lips were too dry when he kissed you, if maybe he was using too much tongue, if his nose kept bumping yours, he didn’t feel the need to think each of his movements or to keep his perfect image, and that finally let him breath and discover how he liked to kiss, helping you discover how you liked it in the way too.

I need to breathe, I want to push my tongue more, can I bite your lip?

Both of you would sometimes throw questions in the middle of the sessions, and none of you judged each other if one wanted to try something new or wanted a break, but they were almost always short ones, enough for you to inhale air for a couple of seconds before Seunghan went back for it.

However, even if he thought the situation was perfect with you not asking for more from him in terms of the pseudo-relationship, he had started to do it without noticing.

Again, he knew how to make people comfortable, and after getting to know you all those days alone, he understood that the best thing to maintain you at ease was directly not trying to hold intruding conversations, but now instead of ignoring you until the next reunion like he always did the first times, he’d send you texts asking if you were going to class or if you had seen the new thing one of the members had written in the shared document, and then when you answered him, he would sneak a personal question in the chat, How was your shift? Did you eat already? What are you doing?

Not thinking too much about it, you gave concise replies and then forgot about him if he didn’t continue with his questions, but you had started to notice his change too, not understanding why he had decided to act like that out of nowhere.

You thought his interest in you was based more on the lack of your enthusiasm to have him around after you two were done, and your indifference to his actions outside his apartment, you thought it was that at least, reason why you felt weirded out every time he asked personal stuff.

You had no expectations of him, you convinced yourself it wasn’t worth it, and you did wish for his touch, but not for his words, not even for his ear to listen to you and agree with what you had to say. You were merely there, ready to accept his lips over yours and ready to leave his house as free as when you entered, which made him strangely confident whenever he was with you, but uneasy when you weren’t.

Still, even if you didn’t try to sustain anything with him, you’d do what he asked you to without doubt, like sitting over his lap when he patted his thighs, or walking to his kitchen when he said he wanted your company until the others arrived.

‘’Why did you arrive so early?’’ he asked one day between kisses. Your soft lips caressing his made him think you had prepared to receive him that afternoon, filling his mind with the idea of you hoping to see him earlier that day and the image of you applying lip balm before crossing his door.

He had you over his counter, your boring and plain blue jeans letting him thrust his clothed erection and enjoy the pressure, but not allowing him to differentiate the form of your cunt over him. That day he was getting impatient with not putting in, the idea had gone through his mind since your last meeting, but you hadn’t shown any intention of fucking him, so he contained himself. That was a step he wasn’t sure he should take alone. Unlike kissing, fucking you would bring another level of intimacy to the dynamic, and he doubted you would continue being the same after that, you were only a girl at the end.

‘’Coworker arrived early’’ you answered. Short, clear, and concise.

You didn’t try to satisfy his greed with an I missed you or an I wanted to see you, you let things go on their own flow, and he liked how fresh everything was with you, almost laughable of how unique your honesty was, and he wanted to keep it like that.

‘’I see’’ he smiled, a part of him disappointed but at the same time relieved.

He trusted you to always tell him the truth, even if sometimes brought him back to reality and humbled a little, he felt better knowing you wouldn’t feed his delusions with pleasant lies.

Everything was going well, each of you without mixing their lives apart from the Thursday afternoon in his house and the short conversations by text, and he was able to contain himself without problem, until that day.

Seunghan rarely had a problem with people from his past, usually once he cut the contact with them, they would get tired of reaching out to him, but this guy was one of the few pesters he couldn’t shake off.

He had been his school classmate in his last year, and Seunghan thought he wouldn’t have to see him again ever again after graduation, but he still called him every now and then to ask him to hang out.

Seunghan definitely had better things to do, but having met him outside his campus and saying hi while he was with his other friends, the boy dragged him into having dinner with other old classmates, making him think that maybe it’d be a good occasion to see old friends again, just a light conversation before they all went to do their own thing.

Seunghan should’ve known better at that point that an asshole would never change.

Arriving at one of the numerous restaurants near his house, he thought that at least, if he got bored, he could quickly escape with an excuse.

At a table on a corner there was his old classmate waiting for him, and the minute he saw that the table was just for two, Seunghan knew no one else would appear.

He tried to run away, but once the other made eye contact with him, it was too late.

‘’Hey man’’ the other greeted him.

Seunghan had no option but to sit.

Immediately he sat the other started to ramble about himself.

Trying to distract himself while the other talked, Seunghan directed his whole attention to the menu.

It was a normal chicken place that worked as a pub at night for groups to drink and play until late, he could already hear a few other people chanting for members to have shots and ordering more and more alcohol, the music was nice and the light was perfect to feel comfortable getting drunk without feeling judged, making him think that, if the other hadn’t lied, he could’ve had a good time with his old friends.

‘’Welcome, what can I get for you?’’

Seunghan instantly recognized your presence, your voice, your aroma, everything.

His eyes shot up and he looked at you, trying to distinguish if it was really you or his mind was playing him a bad (not so bad since he was glad) joke, but there you were, the one and only you.

You were wearing the kind of clothes you’d always wear but with an apron over them and a tag on your chest with your name, clearly showing that you worked there. Unlike him, you didn’t show any surprise to see him, keeping the stoic expression you always had, and the corners of his lips went up without him noticing, a smile almost taking control of his mouth, happy to see you out of the classroom or his living room, but no word came out of him.

Should he greet you like he wanted? Should he call your name and say what a surprise? Should he say he didn’t know you worked there? Because he really didn’t know.

Questions accumulated inside his head, and missing his chance, his old classmate ordered for both, and you, not displaying any disappointment or happiness or any feeling at all, left them alone.

Seunghan started to feel even more down, firmly believing that you decided to pretend you didn’t know him, was that what you wanted? To not know him out of his house?

He knew you would never act giddy to see him, you would never scream his name and run to his arms if you saw him on the other side of the street, but he had hoped that you would at least say hi, to acknowledge you knew each other, after all, you were classmates, and he didn’t want you to act like one of the girls that had a crush on him, but he didn’t want you to ignore him either.

‘’So, what do you say?’’ the annoying guy brought him out of his thinking.

‘’Sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you with the music’’ Seunghan was lost the minute the other started to yap, and he didn’t feel like hearing him anymore, but the least he could do was be polite enough until he said goodbye, the last thing he needed was to hear how the other spread into the chats that Seunghan was full of himself now that he was in college, but the boy didn’t help him to stay calm at all.

Even with the big sign inside every restaurant saying that it was forbidden to smoke in shared spaces, he put a cigarette in his mouth and held it while he searched for his lighter.

‘’My friend has a booth in this club and a ton of pretty girls go all the time, you should come with me, we’ll have fun, and if we’re lucky, a better after night’’ he laughed while lighting it.

Seunghan didn’t want to meet him exactly because of that. They never shared interests, he was a lost cause always living in parties ever since they were in school, and Seunghan could say no to those outings when he was a minor, but since graduation, the other had been more and more insistent now that Seunghan didn’t have enough reasons to reject him anymore.

The other, just like when they were in school, wanted him to show up, attract a bunch of pretty girls and trap one of them to fuck them with his friendship with him as an excuse to appear more desirable.

‘’Sorry, I have class tomorrow early’’ Seunghan said, and trying to fan the smoke from his cigarette the other way, coughed before he continued, ‘’I think we should leave if you want to smoke, there’s a big sign that says not to smoke inside’’.

‘’Don’t worry about that, but talking about leaving, I think you should come with me, my friend always pays for all our drinks.’’

Shit, he started to think. Seunghan perfectly knew that tactic, typical from guys like him with no charm and no capacity to attract a girl that was in their full senses.

He hated that kind of guy, and not wanting to stay with one of them in front of you, he started to plan an excuse to leave, needing to go home and forget that night ever happened.

The other didn’t stop talking or showed any sign of putting off the nicotine stick, making him bite the inside of his cheek anxious with the idea of bringing you problems since you’d have to tell his friend that he couldn’t do that there, and knowing him, he wouldn’t stay quiet with a mere waitress telling him what he could and couldn’t do.

‘’I really think you should put that out’’ Seunghan interrupted him after a couple of minutes. The other was already in half his cigarette and Seunghan had resigned in having to put his pretty clean shirt in the dirty laundry because the smell of his cheap little vice was already impregnated in the fabric that used to have the warm and fruity aroma of his softener.

‘’Don’t be such a bummer man, light up a little’’ he joked. ‘’I’ll tell you something, if you come with me, I’ll stop, what do you say’’.

Seunghan found his offer tempting, but if he couldn’t escape there, how would he escape from the club? Well, he could get lost in the middle of all the people, and he had already decided that he would take a shower again to clean the smell of the cigarette, so it didn’t sound too bad after he contemplated the idea.

‘’Hey, go and fuck yourself, he already said he doesn’t want to go.’’

His friend almost choked with the smoke he was holding inside his mouth when he heard you, and Seunghan’s eyes opened while his mouth and thoughts completely shut down.

‘’What the- do you know her?’’ the last question was directed to Seunghan and he didn’t know what to say, his head almost shook saying no like instinct, but he stopped himself before doing it, staying still.

‘’He doesn’t have to know me, everyone here can hear how you’re trying to force him into going with you, so let him alone before I tell my boss you’re smoking here when that big ass poster clearly says you can’t, or apart from not listening you can’t read either?’’

You said all that without an ounce of fear and Seunghan couldn’t understand what was that feeling that had started to grow inside his chest, was that embarrassment for not being able to talk for himself? or embarrassment for being seen with someone like that guy? He wasn’t sure at that moment, but what he noticed was that it was mixed with another thing, annoyance. However, he didn’t know if it was with himself or with the stupid brat in front of him, and it increased once the other stood up from his seat and tried to lift his hand at you.

It was impossible the guy punched you, but just the idea of him touching you with a single finger made him interfere, something he never did.

Seunghan’s body moved on its own and grabbed him before he tried to even brush you, dragging him outside without giving you a second glance.

You didn’t flinch at all, you had met tons of worse clients, he was nothing to you, and you’d have probably ignored the whole situation if it wasn’t that Seunghan looked so troubled sitting there. You had a pact with yourself to not butt in situations that had nothing to do with you, but you knew Seunghan, he couldn’t say a frankly no for the sake of looking good, and he could easily lead people into leaving him in peace, but the other boy had bad news written all over his face, and you doubted someone as pacific as Seunghan could use his tactics with him.

You watched the drinks on the table, two untouched beers that your manager would ask why they stayed like that there, alone, and unpaid, and you just hoped that little spur of bravery didn’t bring you problems with anyone else.

Outside the restaurant Seunghan left the other guy’s arm free and, scrunching to touch his knees with the palms of his hands, he exhaled to control himself.

He started to count in his head, repeating It’s okay, It’s okay, to convince himself that nothing had happened.

‘’Woah I should talk to the owner, how could she talk to a customer like that, that girl shouldn’t be a waitress.’’

It’s not okay.

Rage started to fill him and for the first time, he felt tempted to use his punch over someone else.

‘’Don’t call me ever again.’’

Seunghan started his way to his house, not looking back, feeling that, if he saw his face again, he wouldn’t be able to control his hand from not flying directly to the other’s eye.

When Seunghan arrived at his house he saw one of the numerous flyers on his entrance, right next to the plate where he left his keys and any little thing that he received or bought on the street, recognizing the name of the restaurant where you worked at, and just there a memory came to his mind, you leaving that little paper with an ugly old design, sighing and saying I don’t know if I’m cursed or anything, but my work seems to never leave me alone.

Now he understood why when he saw the direction the other had sent, he felt so eager to go, because even if he couldn’t remember it, his body did it for him, wanting to be near you.

He tossed his shirt into the laundry. He had worn it that day believing it would still be clean enough the next day and he’d be able to wear it in front of all the group, but especially, in front of you, and when he tried to sleep, but the whole night the only thing that occupied his mind was how would you see him that afternoon.

When the clock marked the hour in which you usually arrived, he started to clean his table, again. He had already spent most of his morning cleaning his place to receive the group, but he didn’t know how to stay still with the memory of the disastrous previous night. He kept wondering, what would you say? Would you think he was like his friend? Impossible. Would you pretend nothing happened like you always did? That seemed pretty possible.

He kept convincing himself to not bother you with questions on his part, like, would you always act like you didn’t know him in the streets? Did he have to ignore you every time he saw you out there? Did you think he was pathetic for not being able to give a straight no? Because he thinking it was enough to torment his night, and sure the next ones would have him meeting the same fate too.

His watch alarm sounded while he was dusting his couch pillows for the third time, making him feel anxious because it usually sounded when you were already there, with him, accepting his kisses and his hands grasping your body as much as he allowed himself.

You didn’t arrive until much later when all the other guys were already there.

At least you took your seat beside him like you always did, making him feel at ease a little bit.

It wasn’t enough, Seunghan felt his hands sweating and he couldn’t stop his leg from moving under the table, so after many lost minutes, he decided it was enough, and tapping your hand he signalled the way to his kitchen, telling you to follow him in silence.

Thankfully, and as expected, you didn’t protest, leaving everyone else concentrating on their own stuff.

When you two got to his kitchen, you perfectly knowing your way at that point after so many afternoons watching him move around, to get busy, you filled his kettle with water to boil it and make more coffee, to have an excuse for disappearing from his living room.

‘’Did you get in trouble after we left?’’ Seunghan started.

You played with the force of the fire in his kitchen, and finally leaving it as high as possible, you answered.

‘’Not really.’’

‘’Will they cut the beers from your pay?’’

‘’Nah, you can have a couple of drinks for free a day, so my coworkers had them.’’

The way you looked so recollected should’ve brought him peace, you didn’t get in trouble, which was good, a happy ending, but he got more stressed.

‘’Why did you get involved?’’ he asked the one thing that bothered him the most the last night.

‘’Are you really asking me that?’’ you laughed, ‘’I just felt like doing it.’’

‘’But why.’’

‘’Why do you care so much Seunghan? I’m sorry if I brought you problems, I didn’t mean to, okay?’’ you wanted to leave the topic behind, so you didn’t look at him, nails busy scratching a point of dust off his counter.

You, just like Seunghan, hated getting involved in uncomfortable situations, but unlike him, you didn’t have the ability to swiftly change topics or help everyone involved feel better, resorting to abruptly trying to end discussions with apologies, to then ignore the problem.

That irritated him, how you avoided his eyes and tried to keep yourself busy to not take your part in the situation.

Seconds passed by, and he could hear the water starting to boil, so he knew he wouldn’t have much time until the others started to wonder what you two were doing in his kitchen alone.

His hand grabbed yours when he got tired of you not looking at him, but you kept your eyes down, directing them to his floor titles this time.

‘’Look at me’’ he ordered, and you, not being able to not follow his words, looked up at him.

The silence wasn’t like the one you had when you arrived, it was tense, and it had started to pick on your nerves, pushing you to talk again. ‘’He was bothering you, and you looked uncomfortable, I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to intervene.’’

His grip on you got softer and he exhaled through his nose, a tenderness installing on his chest with your eyes looking at him and your voice wavering but finally answering his question.

He then felt bad, he was no one to talk to you like that, and he never had discussions like that either. He knew how to keep the waters calm and get the other person to participate in the talk, making them feel heard and making them listen to what he had to say, but with you he forgot how to do that, carrying the conversation to another direction instead of the one he wanted to take. ‘’No, I’m sorry, I just wanted to thank you, I don’t know why it sounded as if I was complaining’’ he said, mind not as foggy anymore.

‘’I’m sorry’’ you said again, making him smile this time, because both of you would never stop saying sorry if he didn’t change the tone of the conversation.

‘’Thank you for helping me’’ he said to leave everything behind on good terms.

You nodded, air less tense and comfortable enough for him to move his body closer to you, and hand in hand, cornering you to his counter, after you moved your eyes from his eyes to his lips, he felt as if he had permission to take his Thursday kiss, giving you a peck, to then leave other, and other, until they stopped being just pecks and converted into a deep one.

His other hand went to your waist, playing with the hem of your long plain t-shirt, they never let him sneak a hand to touch the skin inside because of how long they were, and that kind of bothered him, but at the same time it made him smile with his lips over yours, liking the softness all your clothes had.

He had changed his softener to yours after you told him what you used, it was a cheap brand, but it does the job, and he liked to share something as banal as that with you.

The kettle whistle didn’t make him stop, and with the same hand playing with your clothes, he turned off the kitchen, so it didn’t sound anymore.

He had to prepare the new round of coffee for everyone outside, so after a last long-lasting peck, he let you go, but with one last order before you went outside to sit with everyone else.

‘’Don’t pretend to not know me in public.’’

Time went flying after that, and finally able to concentrate, he wrote as much as he could while waiting for everyone to leave you two alone to continue your routine.

When all of them left, you surprised him once again.

Standing with him, you grabbed a couple of cups to take to the kitchen with him, making him grin because that was just so uncharacteristic of you, and he knew you wanted something else to happen.

In his kitchen, alone, you stayed beside him watching him wash the cups and everything he had used that afternoon while he talked about the book you had recommended to him, and once he finished, he dried his hands on the towel you handed him, to then push you to his kitchen counter and taste you.

Your lips he had missed for a week had a different flavour, sweeter this time, still kind of bitter because of the coffee, but there was just something else.

Perhaps it was because you started the kiss this time, pulling his belt until his chest was touching yours and his eyes looked down at you with attention, or perhaps it was simply something else that he didn’t know, maybe you put more sugar in your drink? He didn’t care enough to keep guessing.

One hand going to cup your cheek while the other roamed your waist, he sighed when over your lips when a whimper left your mouth.

His hips were getting impatient, and he had started to thrust onto your clothed sex without thinking, but it was an automatic motion his body did for him, not that he had thought for so many days how your sweet insides would feel, or taste.

He wouldn’t fuck you; he had decided that.

Kisses were more than enough, he tried to convince himself.

But Hong Seunghan was just a man, and mere kisses were never going to be enough, so pulling apart, he tried to think he was stronger than what he really was, and he really tried it, until you grabbed his hand to cup you.

‘’Are you sure?’’ he asked you, hand cupping your pussy harder but still decided to let you go if you didn’t want it.

He had stolen a kiss from you before, but doing something like that without your firm approbation was too much for him.

‘’Just do it Seunghan’’ you replied, opening your legs for him even more.

You were wearing jeans and the rough material felt good against his clothed erection, but not against his hand, so he opened your button and pushed his hand inside your underwear, feeling your clit and drawing the direction your lips showed him to find your entrance.

‘’You’re wet, been thinking about me?’’ He murmured against your ear.

Your tailbone was against the hard marble counter of his kitchen, feeling the border of it sink strongly against you, but it felt so good to have his hand touching you there while he whispered right next to your ear.

He had you opening your legs for him while he situated himself beside you, one leg between yours, his right hand smearing your arousal, and the other gripping the counter to not get too lost in you.

You didn’t answer, ashamed of letting more embarrassing noises out when he was just taunting you.

He wasn’t doing anything, just feeling you with the palm of his hand, and you still felt something forming in the pitch of your stomach you had never felt with anyone before.

Seunghan knew you were a virgin, he was the one who taught you how to give open-mouthed kisses after all, but you never imagined he would be the one making you feel that way.

You two were so different, you had seen him walking around campus with his friends, his sole presence making everyone turn their heads to him, you would’ve never expected to end in a situation like this one with him, or that he’d be the one taking all the first steps.

‘’Stop laughing’’ you said when he continued still.

You had weeks of building up, going home with your panties dripping after he kissed you until you couldn’t breathe, you needed more, but he wasn’t taking the first step anymore, only kissing you, rutting his boner in your entrance and letting you go with a painful smile.

You were too proud to tell him you wanted more, and you wouldn’t have followed him to his kitchen with the cups of coffee if you hadn’t had enough.

Never helping him that way, tired of doing it every day at your job, you thought this was the time.

This was the time before everything fell apart.

You knew how fragile human relationships were, reason why you didn’t want to have a boyfriend or anything like that before.

You had seen in first person how people could change from one day to another, and how anything, didn’t matter how deep looked like, could end in a blink.

Yesterday you felt it was over, you thought that Seunghan would push you away and the make-out sessions would never happen again, but he had kissed you, so you decided to take the first step to feel him more before everything ended.

You thought, everything would finish at one point in time, and if it wasn’t because of a discussion, it would be when the project was over, whatever happened first, so you didn’t have enough time to be proud anymore.

His hand moving brought you out of your thinking, sliding his fingers up and down your slit, you felt his fingertips brushing your clit, sending a shiver through your spine and making you open your mouth, surprised.

‘’Feels good, right?’’ he asked with a smile, drawing circles and feeling as good as you just by looking at your face showing exactly all you were feeling.

Mouth open and eyebrows frown, you let him do what he wanted with you, trusting his experience to take you to an unknown place.

‘’Answer’’ he ordered, stopping his fingers from pressing that little bud and making you shook your head.

‘’Yes, it feels good’’ you answered, letting your head fall to his shoulder and sighing before grabbing his wrist to move it again, but he was a lot stronger, and you could only wrap your hand around him, not being able to close your fingers of how big he was.

Although he had pretty hands, they were still manly, strong, and a lot bigger than yours, and moving his hand again, he showed you the pace you should take when he wasn’t with you, but you doubted you’d be able to feel the same way if it wasn’t his hand the one touching you.

‘’Remember, just like this’’ he said, flicking his index on your clit and making you whimper.

He had that fucking grin on his face the whole time and you couldn’t dare to look at him, feeling at disadvantage to his knowledge.

You were smart, you knew a lot of things, you proofread his work, you checked everyone’s work, and you know you’re always right when you answer questions, but right there you were nothing compared to him, and that made you furious, but it calmed you at the same time.

He might have that grin, but he was treating you so well, softly showing you how real pleasure felt like, you doubted you would’ve felt that comfortable with anyone else in that situation.

Pushing one finger inside, the middle one, he let the other fingers rest while his thumb continued with the caresses to your clit.

Your panties were slightly pushed down with the way he was touching you, and the hard marble was now touching directly at your skin, but the cold sensation of it with the warmness of his hand made everything better, making you stay focused on what was happening the whole time.

‘’Oh god,’’ you cried when his finger started thrusting your entrance.

The spongy and smooth texture of your walls welcomed him without problem, and he cursed at how good you felt.

Getting dizzy, he thought about how you would receive him, how you’d wrap him, and how he would make you used to his size since he’d be the first person fucking you, which filled his chest with something else he couldn’t recognize, was that happiness? It was more like relief.

But it also terrified him.

The need that was increasing inside him to have you near, close to him, with him, it terrified him.

He’s not used to that kind of emotion, he feels tired of people, he knows that, but would he become tired of you?

‘’Seunghan,’’ you moaned his name, pushing your hips down to his hand so he fucked you with his finger again.

He looked at your face, eyes glossy and red lips after all the kisses and how you bit them to not cry out loud, and he added one more.

‘’Why did you get involved yesterday?’’ he asked you again.

You couldn’t understand his words, it resonated inside your mind, but you couldn’t think of an exact answer with his fingers fucking you harder and faster.

‘’I couldn’t let him… he was bothering you…’’ you said as you could.

‘’Good’’ he said, still fingering you, ‘’Will you ignore me outside again?’’

You were moving in unison with his hand, meeting him each time he pushed his fingers and his palm pressed your clit.

‘’No,’’ you cried, feeling that tight sensation form in your abdomen again, more intense, painful.

‘’Good, now cum’’ he ordered.

You cried on his shoulder pretty loud when he gave you permission, you didn’t know you would need one to have an orgasm, maybe that was why you couldn’t do it on your own, but it was life-changing how real, intense, and amazing, pleasure could be.

Trembling on his chest, your head still on his shoulder, and you trying to catch your breath, he made you face him to leave a couple of pecks on your lips again, almost loving and incredibly peaceful, as if you had done that many times before, making you feel comfy on his presence and with his hand still prying inside your underwear.

A couple of minutes later he helped you pull up your jeans again, but they were a mess, so he made you follow him to the laundry room and gave you a pair of clean boxers.

‘’Better than nothing’’ you said when he apologized for not having anything better.

He gave you a pair of his numerous grey pants and seeing how you were struggling to keep them in place, offered to walk you to the bus stop just in case.

‘’You looked good yesterday’’ you said to fill the silence after many minutes.

Seunghan regretted having offered to keep you company to the stop, walking on an uncomfortable silence that seemed to only affect him, you completely calm beside him, but when you said that, he smiled, feeling glad for doing something different for once.

‘’You too, that apron fits you’’ he said in a teasing tone. For him, it felt like flirting, for you, it felt like it too, but you weren’t used to it, so you only nodded and didn’t talk until your bus arrived.

Even if none of you said it, something had changed in the air after that.

When you met in the corridors, first he’d look at you from the distance, debating if he should get closer and talk or not, but then after much thinking (and many days doing the same thing, staring from feet away), he decided that saying hi to his classmate wasn’t anything out of the world.

The first time your eyes met his and he, instead of looking the other way, walked to you, you thought that something wrong was about to happen, sending a nervous shiver and making you grip onto your backpack straps.

‘’Hey, how was class?’’ he asked, just standing next to you while you waited for your water bottle to be filled.

‘’It was okay’’ you said, still not daring to see his face.

The first times were incredibly uncomfortable, but soon you got used to that, it was just talking after all, nothing special, so you let him talk to you about whatever crossed his mind until he was called by someone in his group, and you had started to accept him more, trying to maintain a decent conversation at least, all innocent and he being cordial with one of his many classmates.

In his house, however, he’d corner you and get you all heated until the others arrived, and when they left, he’d finger you until you came over his hand and cried on his neck.

You didn’t say anything when that happened, accepting him just like when he kissed you the first weeks, and like that, another routine had been formed.

From the first time he gave you a pair of his boxers, he washed your dirty pair of panties to give them back to you the next time he saw you, but that next time you’d leave another dirty pair again (more like, he would snatch them from your hands before you could say anything), changing into the clean pair he had washed, so the new routine would consist in you cumming over his fingers, leaving your wet underwear, and he washing it to have it ready for you the next time.

He never told you because you didn’t ask, but every time you left your panties, he would smell your orgasm on them, jerking off with the picture of you opening your legs for him until he came over the fabric, and appreciating the look of your wet spot with his cum over it, he’d wash them carefully by hand.

You still haven’t fucked.

Things were getting too intimate for Seunghan even if you hadn’t had sex, and he loved it, he loved how you left something yours in his house, he loved to be the only one giving you pleasure, and the only one seeing your face when you had an orgasm, but he had started to ask himself, what did that mean?

He wasn’t your boyfriend, you weren’t his girlfriend, and he enjoyed that silent pact at the start, but so much time had passed that it had started to confuse him.

Next week would be the last reunion before the big presentation, and after that, what would make you go to his house? Did he have to ask you out? Could he really let himself be seen with you in public?

In the confidence of his room, he didn’t have to give anyone an explanation, not even you since you never asked for one, but out there he doubted it could stay like that. He could already notice how people looked at him when he talked to you in the corridor like a mere classmate, what would they say if they knew all he did to you in his house?

Seunghan was so lost, he couldn’t understand any of his actions, not his body making him run to you in public, his mouth rambling every time he had you near, or what he was doing there in front of your work at that moment.

You could go on your own without problem, you’ve been doing it for weeks, you knew his address and his house like the palm of your hand, so he couldn’t understand why all his thoughts told him to go and wait for you to finish your shift and then walk you to his house.

He was looking down at his feet, dusting the dust out of the floor as if it was his job.

His spotless sneakers were kicking air by that point, and he didn’t know if to stay or leave, telling himself to just walk in and order something and pretend he was passing by.

‘’Seunghan?’’ you asked before he could even decide.

You had a couple of plastic bags on each hand that seemed heavy, sure you didn’t only took orders and washed dishes, but he didn’t imagine they would also send you to buy stuff.

‘’Oh, hey’’ he said, trying to act nonchalant, ‘’I was just passing by…’’ you hadn’t asked anything and he was already giving you an answer ‘’and I remembered your shift was about to end so…’’

He had talked incredibly fast, and you almost didn’t understand the last part, but you heard shift and end, so, blinking, you nodded to his words.

‘’I see’’ you said, and silence came to surround you again, ‘’well, it’s true my shift was about to finish, I just had to leave this inside, we can go together to your house if you want’’.

Seunghan exhaled, thankful for you to talk.

‘’Okay then’’ he smiled, giving a few awkward steps to you.

You were pretty close to the local, you were in front of it and only had to cross the street, yet he couldn’t see you struggling with the bags, so taking them from your hands, he walked you inside, only giving them back because you had to leave them in the kitchen.

Sitting in one of the booths, he checked his phone to wait for you.

It somehow felt natural, waiting for you to then go back to his house, and he had a knot in his throat forming with that thought.

‘’Seunghan?’’ he lifted his gaze from his mindlessly scrolling to see the same old friend he had told to never call him again after the incident, ‘’what are you doing here?’’ he then said, looking at him weird out by seeing him alone.

‘’Soobin…’’ Seunghan murmured, he hadn’t expected to see him at all.

After that day he stopped contacting Seunghan just like he had asked, and he had totally forgotten about him until that moment, making him nervous because Seunghan didn’t know how to act with him anymore now that he had seen his uncool, angry and exasperated side.

‘’Are you waiting for someone?’’ he asked.

Seunghan left his phone on the table and, not knowing what to say, only nodded.

‘’I see… well, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, I made you go through an uncomfortable moment that day, sorry.’’

Not believing what he had just heard, Seunghan, lost at words, only nodded again.

‘’I was really an asshole’’ he laughed, making Seunghan laugh too.

‘’It’s okay, I shouldn’t have reacted like that, I’m sorry too’’ Seunghan finally said.

Standing and giving him his hand, both of them laughed and punched each other’s shoulders.

‘’But tell me the truth, you know that girl, right? The waitress who told me to go and fuck myself’’ Soobin said, laughing even more with the memory.

Seunghan didn’t know what to answer, pushing both hands to his pockets, he bit the inside of his cheek and, contrary to all he was thinking, denied.

‘’Not really’’ Seunghan said, looking at his feet and seeing the light reflection of his blue shirt over his white sneakers, without thinking he had worn the same shirt he had used that day.

‘’Uhm, if you say so’’ Soobin said unconvinced, ‘’she said you had classes together though.’’

Surprised, Seunghan stayed silent, and before he could explain himself, a girl had called Soobin, who said a quick goodbye and ran to her without looking back.

Seunghan saw the other smile at the girl and take her hand, proudly taking her bag from her and putting it on his shoulder as if it was his own.

He seemed happy, and not like an asshole anymore, what seemed unbelievable until that day, making him think that, maybe he was the only one who would never change.

He didn’t understand why he had denied knowing you, he was the one who told you to not pretend to not know him in public, and you had been true to your words, while he, even if hadn’t promised the same thing, felt like a liar.

You came out minutes later, and he had never been grateful to the world for not having you close at every moment, but in that moment, he was, because at least you hadn’t heard how pathetic he was, again.

‘’My boss gave you this, says thank you for carrying the bags’’ you showed him a can of beer, ‘’tsk, I was the one who carried them all the way here.’’

You looked incredibly offended, and accepting it, Seunghan looked behind you, where a big man met his eyes and gave him a thumbs up before he could say anything, and suddenly, he was laughing from the bottom of his heart again.

You smiled with him for a second, and walking out of the local, he told himself to stop being such a coward.

Walking in silence, Seunghan had both hands on his jeans pockets, while you had them over your backpack handles.

‘’I can carry your backpack if you want’’ Seunghan offered.

You denied, ‘’It’s okay, I can do it.’’

‘’I should be clearer, what I meant to say was that I want to carry your backpack’’ he said.

The sun was going down and he could see the orange lights of the sunset, tons of lights were starting to appear thanks to the numerous businesses around there, and he wanted to look at them, but his entire attention was on the way a little touch of red started to appear on your cheeks.

‘’Okay’’ you said, passing him your backpack and letting him carry it for you.

‘’It’s still early, we can buy some snacks before going, is there anything you want?’’ he asked, sliding his arms on the handles, and letting it sit on his back.

It was a bit tight, used to be carried only by you, but he wore it like he could.

‘’I’m okay, I just had something’’ you tried to not look at him, looking at the pavement instead.

He let you go a step in front of him, you had shorter legs and he had no problem reaching you, but he let you, you seemed to want that little distance, and that way he could also see more things of you he hadn’t noticed before.

Your hands didn’t have anything else to grab now that he was wearing your backpack and they seemed unnatural on your sides playing with nothing. Now that he noticed, you were always doing something with them, whether it was writing on your keyboard, writing something, or simply scratching any surface that you had near, but right there you had nothing, and he thought that maybe, he should hold your hand to fill that emptiness.

Not a maybe anymore, his hand wanted to interlock with yours, and slowly approaching you, he almost touched the side of your left one.

‘’If you want to buy something we can stop in that convenience store’’ you pointed to the store next to you, open and almost empty, and he woke up from all the ideas that were lurking inside his mind. To hold your hand, wasn’t that a bit too much for someone who wasn’t your boyfriend?

‘’Yeah,’’ he said, walking in and buying the first chips he saw just to buy something.

You were waiting for him outside, checking your phone, and he couldn’t stop seeing the way your eyelashes were really dark, and how you, just like him, bit the inside of your cheek pretty often.

When he moved his eyes from you to the cashier, he talked before he could think, ‘’One box of condoms too, please’’.

The other boy didn’t even flinch, too used to hearing that sentence, and scanned the little code on the machine.

Seunghan shoved the receipt and the little box into his back pocket, brushing the bottom of your backpack in the way, and his heart started to pound while he held the plastic bag in his hand.

‘’Chips with coffee?’’ you asked with a soft smile, and he showed you a wide one back.

‘’I bought coke today’’ he said, walking next to you the rest of the way to his house.

Getting to his house, he opened the door and let you walk in first, watching you take off your shoes and then turn to him, waiting for him to do the same.

When you showed him your hand, he didn’t understand what you wanted, so he gave you the plastic bag with chips.

‘’Seunghan, my backpack’’ you said, making him release an embarrassed little smile before taking it off and giving it to you.

You grabbed it, and going to his kitchen, you left the can of beer your boss had given to him inside his fridge.

Seunghan walked behind you, looking at you move around with such normality, you had been going there for weeks, and that was the last reunion before the presentation next week, so of course you’d be comfortable enough by that point.

Things with the work were going smoothly, different from all the ideas that circled his mind about you. You had made that tedious job bearable, and he wished all his other projects could go as easy as that one.

They would arrive still in a considerable time, and seeing you bend down to inspect his fridge, he gulped, seeing the little outline of your body swimming inside that oversized t-shirt.

‘’You bought Sprite too’’ you affirmed before closing his door, ‘’what’s the occasion?’’

‘’It’s the last meeting, I thought it would be nice to give them something that wasn’t instant coffee’’ he murmured.

You walked to him, looking at his hand organizing the bags over his counter and folding the plastic bag from the convenience store into a drawer. ‘’The last meeting…’’ you murmured too, not believing that so much time had passed, and how probably that would be your last day together like that in his kitchen.

Catching your attention, a piece of paper was showing in his back pocket, and you shouldn’t have done it, you don’t know why you did it, but you grabbed it, it easily slipped from his jeans without making a noise, so he didn’t notice it, and you and your wandering eyes read what was written in the little paper.

Nothing seemed out of normal, the different chips were listed with their price right next to them, but one word caught your attention.

You had never bought it before, but you recognized the name of the brand, it was popular and all the stores had it, so you had seen it in the health section in the supermarket and posters of it in convenience stores.

Not wanting to make it obvious that you knew, you let the paper fall to the floor when he stood up again.

‘’That fell’’ you said, and he, following your eyes, saw the white paper on the floor, picking it up and making it a ball before he tossed it to the trash can there in his kitchen.

You swallowed the saliva accumulating in your throat, and he didn’t say anything, he didn’t know you had read it, so when the air changed and he met your eyes staring at him, he smiled, thinking it was you wanting a kiss from him.

Getting close to you, things were different this time, he was going just for a kiss, there wasn’t much time before the others arrived, but you put your arms around his neck and opened your mouth, wanting a deep one this time.

Sliding his tongue and caressing yours, one of his hands went to your back, feeling the clasp of your bra through your shirt, while the other shamelessly went to the small of your back, drawing lines and circles just to keep his hands busy.

You whimpered and he couldn’t help but push his mouth even more against yours, pressing you to his counter and groaning when he heard another whimper come from you.

‘’The others are going to arrive in any second… I’m sorry’’ he said.

‘’Why are you sorry?’’ you asked.

‘’Because I can’t make you cum, there’s not enough time’’ he sighed before giving you a peck over your lips.

‘’Later then?’’ your voice almost broke and he saw your eyes gleaming, thinking how they were the prettiest pair he had seen, and how they were focused solely on him.

He nodded, ‘’Later.’’

When the others got there, they all focused on giving the presentation the last touches, and once they were done, they all celebrated with the chips and the sodas Seunghan had bought.

‘’I’ve never had a group work as much as this one, I’m thankful to all of you for coming here even with your busy agendas, thank you for everything’’ Seunghan said, making them all smile, and of course, the praises for him didn’t take much to appear.

Everyone left not much later, and being alone, you helped him recollect the cans and then step over them to recycle them.

Finishing the work in silence, you helped him clean, and once nothing else was there to do, Seunghan made you follow him to his room.

You haven’t been there many times, but you remember it, you remember the dark blue walls, and his black furniture, especially the way even his window frame was black too.

It looked like someone had designed it for him, knowing his style, just like his whole house, and you couldn’t help but feel the difference with your place when after spending hours there you had to ride the bust to your little studio apartment.

But Seunghan had never shown any sign of caring about the difference in your situations, he knew you worked in a half bar half chicken restaurant, that you used cheap softener for your clothes, and that you repeated outfits many times, but he had never commented about it.

You couldn’t help but feel kind of special, and just that day, when you saw him waiting for you in front of your workplace, you felt your heart flinch, because not even in your wildest dreams you had thought you would see that scene.

You knew him enough to know he usually overthought things about others and how they saw him, needing to appear perfect all the time, but even with that in mind, just perhaps, things were different with you.

Closing his door while you saw the pictures he had on his desk, you didn’t say a word once he got behind you and one of his hands rested on your abdomen.

You let him kiss you again, receiving him and giving him your full attention, to him, to his fingers, and to the way he wasn’t containing anymore.

He made you walk to his bed with him, and pushing you there, he played with the hem of your t-shirt.

‘’I’ll take it off’’ he said, and when you nodded, he showed you a smile, ‘’I’ll finally see what you have there.’’

‘’Shut up’’ you laughed and lifted your arms, so he took it off.

Showing him your chest, you felt exposed, it was the first time you let him see you like that, he had sneaked a hand before, but he never took off your t-shirts, not even your jeans, touching you inside your underwear and making you cum with his fingers before he gave you your clean pair of panties and let you change yourself while he turned to watch a wall or went to put his shoes on while you changed alone in his room.

His eyes on your chest made you conscious, and he noticed it, but even if he wanted to stop so you felt comfortable, he couldn’t.

‘’They’re pretty’’ he said, and you gave him a half smile, not daring to see his eyes inspecting you.

His hand caressed your cheek, so you looked at him again, and trailing down the valley between your breasts, he smiled when you whimpered at his hands cupping your tits.

Nipping the naked skin that your bra let him see, he felt the softness of that part of your body, looking up to your face to not lose your reactions.

He took off the pretty blue shirt you liked to see him wearing, and that part of him naked, he showed you his tender skin, white, spotless and as pretty as him.

Of course, he’d look perfect without clothes too.

He didn’t unclasp your bra, he pulled it down, which felt uncomfortable, but you couldn’t say anything when his lips went to your nipples and left soft licks over them, making you arch so your chest continued meeting his mouth.

Untouched down there, you were sure your panties were already a mess since he kissed you in his kitchen hours before, and needing him, your hand went to his erection.

You weren’t that bold before, you could press your cunt to it when he asked you to sit on his lap, but you never touched it.

You wanted to touch it so bad, you let him keep attending your chest while you grabbed him over his pants.

‘’I want to touch you’’ you admitted, and he, without the smile you always saw, pushed your hand away.

‘’Not yet’’ he said, moving away and unbuttoning your jeans.

You, again, helped him to take it off you, lifting your hips so you helped him.

With hands sweating, he tosses them to the side and sighs glad that they didn’t slip from his hands. You looked so fucking good under him, nude bra down enough for him to see your tits, and a blue pair of panties that definitely didn’t match, but for him, they looked amazing together, because you were wearing them, and that was enough.

Looking at you, he can’t help but admire all the little places he wants to mark, the side of your neck, your collarbone, your chest, your tummy, and his eyes go all the way down until he sees the inside of your thighs.

Creamy, soft, sweet, they were calling for him, and without saying anything, he went down to taste them.

You let him, you just let him, and adoring the way you wordlessly opened your legs for him, he bit you there, breathing over your underwear the aroma he recognized a bit too well, leaving little pecks until, after pushing your panties to the side, left a single long one over your clit.

Glowing under his bedroom light, he can’t help but give big licks, down and up, recollecting your juices to taste you properly, and like he had been wanting for so long every time he smelled your panties in the confidence of his room.

All those times making you cum with his fingers and containing himself from dropping to his knees and drinking your orgasm to push another one had come to that, and he couldn’t stop now.

Tongue flat against your clit, he made you squirm, but maintaining you on your place with his arms under your thighs and his palms over your tummy, he made you accept him.

‘’Wait- Seunghan’’ you said, propping on your elbows and looking down at him, the sight of his dark eyes meeting yours and his mouth working so eagerly over you making your head spin, and one of your hands, needing to touch him, went to his hair to feel him.

With shaking hips, you met his mouth whenever his chin went upwards, pulsating against half of his face and leaving a mess.

Your pretty pussy lips had a reddish colour, furious with him and his teasing, so to alleviate them a little bit, he inserted two of his fingers in one thrust.

You didn’t need preparation for that, he knew you could take them, so many times cumming over them, your entrance recognized his fingers as an invited guess, so you could only cry when that little place that he always found squelched.

Cursing, you let your head fall, and arching your back, you came with his fingers and his mouth, legs almost closing around his face but being stopped by his big hands.

He left a mark of wetness over the place he touched with the fingers he had pushed on your insides, and you knew you were dripping all over his bed, yet you couldn’t care less.

He pushed down his pants and his underwear, kicking them away from his feet.

‘’Come here’’ he called you, and you, still not back in your senses but always listening to him, sat in the border of his bed as you could.

With drowsy eyes, you gulped when his member stood in front of you. Looking amazing, you didn’t know if dicks could be pretty, but that was the only adjective that came to your head when you saw it.

Pink, veiny, and long, the tip was slightly thicker and darker, and you waited for him to tell you what to do.

His palm wrapped him in front of you with one hand, and with the other, he grasped on your hard nipples begging for more attention, while your pussy was leaving a big spot over his bedsheets with how wet you were after he made you cum once.

‘’First use your hand, okay?’’ he said, and you didn’t need to hear anything else before your hand went to his member, ‘’you seem to like it’’ he snickered.

He didn’t want to tease you, he didn’t mean to, he’s not used to doing that, not even with his exes that could easily form comebacks and throw them at him, but with you, he couldn’t help it, so gorgeous, quiet, and always accepting, his ugly side kept floating out, and he liked your voice telling him to shut up or the almost mute giggles that escaped your chest.

‘’I like it’’ you said, and he licked his dry lips, watching you attentively. The way your wrist did its best to move in and out, and seeing your mouth get closer to his shaft, opening and letting the tip touch your tongue, made him groan.

‘’Take your bra off’’ he ordered, needing to see your tits bouncing with the little force you were using to jerk him off.

He suddenly remembered each time he jerked off to the smell of your panties and the memory of your eyebrows frowning when you came thanks to him, and he smiled, proud of seeing you so eager to attend him too.

His little doll, after all those orgasms, would you say yes to anything he said?

When you toss your bra away without stopping your licks to the tip of his cock, he knows the answer is a yes.

‘’Try to take a bit more’’ he inhaled hastily and, helping you do your job more comfortably, with his hands he pushed the loose strings of hair away from your face.

The first day he didn’t understand why his hand moved on its own to push that hair behind your ear, but now he sees that little dot on your cheek, close to your ear, and he thinks that he did it to see it without any obstacle covering it.

You opened your mouth for him and let him slide deeper, half his cock is inside you, and you looked at him with teary drunk eyes.

He moans at the image, so pretty for him, all for him, he’s the only one who had seen you from that angle, and he hopes it continues being like that.

Your cheeks hollowed and you tried to take more of him, stopping your lungs from taking air in so you could suck him better, and he could see it, he could see you struggling and doing your best for him, so he pressed a thumb on your cheek to show his approbation.

You thought he was getting bored, his usual smile was not there, and his eyes were looking at yours too much, so you stopped to make sure you were not doing all that for nothing, ‘’Sorry, am I bad?’’ you asked with insecurity pouring out of your eyes.

He shook his head, his little genius was all nervous and unconfident, and he felt like he had hit the fucking jackpot seeing such a tranquil and collected girl ask him if she was doing a good job at sucking his cock.

‘’You’re perfect’’ he assured, guiding his cock back to your mouth, to which you answer by letting a bit of spit over his tip, smearing it with your lips kissing him and taking him again.

Where the fuck did you learn that? he asked himself, but with the security of you not doing it from someone who isn’t him, he only sighed and let you continue.

Seconds later he felt himself getting closer, and he can’t let himself cum in your mouth, he needs to do it in your insides, so telling you to stop, you do as your told, watching him in your spot searching his jeans and the box of condoms he had bought in the convenience store on the way to his house.

He opened the package with his mouth, and you remembered all those times you’d heard you shouldn’t do it like that, and echoing inside your mind, you pushed those voices to the back when you pulled down your panties and kicked them under his bed.

‘’This is how you put one on, the next time you’ll do it for me, so watch’’ he said, and you nodded, juices leaking with the idea of doing it for him the next time.

He teaches you how to grab the pointy start with his fingers, and how, with the help of his other hand, you’ll have to slide the latex all over his length, until it ends a finger away from the base of his cock.

You batted your eyelashes without thinking, imagining how the pressure of him opening your insides would feel, and to that your thighs shook with excitement.

He kissed you to take away the last doubts you could have, not knowing that you were yearning for it as much as him.

Helping you lie on his bed with him between your legs, he pushed you more into the mattress so he could kneel over the same bedsheets you’ve been dripping all over.

‘’Tell me if you want to stop, I know it can hurt at first, but I’m confident you’ll take me without problem’’ he said, brushing his tip over your clit and then going lower to put it on your entrance, only pushing his thick tip inside, stretching you enough to make your breath get all messy and your mouth fall open, pushing the air out of your lungs with the sensation of his cock finally fucking you.

‘’Fuck’’ you cried, feeling more of him slide in, and he tried to not show how much he was feeling to not make you nervous, but your gummy walls were so hot he felt like he was melting inside you, and that stole the last sanity he had, biting his lips to not let any embarrassing sound out.

‘’I told you, you could take me’’ he said proudly when his entire dick was inside you, and you cried a needy yes and searched for his eyes to look at how good you were being for him.

Your legs were as wide open as they could, and you pulled him in for a kiss before he rutted into you.

He wanted to be soft, it was your first time, and he knows how important it is for most girls, but you make him so crazy he’s forgotten how he did to not act on his wishes anymore.

His hips clasped with yours at that pace and you cried with each thrust, trying to not be too loud with the hits, however, the curve of his cock was making punching a certain place that feels more intense perfectly, and soon you were gripping onto his bedsheets to get a hold of yourself.

His mouth launched to your neck, chest pressing yours while fucking you, and he started to leave little spots on your neck and collarbone while one of his hands moved from your hip to the wrist of one of your hands, holding it there to feel you closer.

You were practically stuck to him, yet he needed to feel you more, and soon he was pushing your thighs to your chest to watch and confirm how deep inside you he was.

Looking at his cock disappearing inside your plump lips, he frowns because its all so perfect, you under him, taking him after all those weeks, and his thrusts became harder, touching the deepest part of your insides to pull out until the only thing connecting you to him was his fat tip, to then harshly pound into you again.

It’s all so messy he can see you dripping on his bed and how the lube appears dull compared to the glow of your juices on his pelvis.

A moan almost escaped his throat when he saw little tears falling on your cheeks, he knows they’re not from pain, and that’s what pushes him to let his grunts and moans out.

‘’Taking me so good, I’m the only one who can make you like this, right?’’ he asked, but it sounds almost like begging, and you didn’t dare to tease him as he did with you.

‘’You’re the only one’’ you cried while his dick kept punching your insides.

‘’Fuck, I’m going to cum’’ he warned, covering you with his body but not crushing you, his weight doesn’t affect you and you wanted more, so the hand he wasn’t holding moved to his back and scratched him, making him hiss and move his hand to between your bodies, to thumb your clit and push you to cum with him.

Twitching inside you, he came while murmuring a soft my girl, and you tried to ignore those words, thinking that was just something that came to him because of pleasure, and that he would forget later.

He fell over you, this time he felt heavier, but you still didn’t mind, and pressing the tip of your fingers over the scratches you left on his back, you sighed, relaxed to have him there.

‘’Sorry,’’ you said after, when you were on his bed and he was showing you his back, only wearing his boxers and searching for your shirt while you were covering yourself with his bedsheets.

‘’Why?’’ he asked curious of your words.

‘’Your back’’ you answered, and he turned to see the side of his back in his mirror, which indeed, had lines done by your nails.

He smiled and walked to you, sitting beside you and caressing your cheek before he trailed his fingers to your neck, touching the purple spots he has left.

‘’Then I’m sorry too’’ he said, making you smile too.

‘’Maybe we should stop saying sorry’’ you laughed.

‘’Yeah, maybe we should’’ he answered, laughing too.

He didn’t know what else to say, but he didn’t want to be a coward anymore, and he wanted to say something because he wanted to, not because he thought you were the one who wanted to hear him saying it, and if he was being honest with himself, he knew you wouldn’t like him to say what he was about to anyway, because you, just like he does often, think that you know what he’s thinking, so he guessed that you were probably thinking a way to leave his house to not be a bother to him, but he didn’t want that, and he knew you wouldn’t know it unless he said it.

‘’Stay with me’’ he said, it sounded almost like a command, but you knew it was a question.

‘’Okay then’’ you said, accepting to stay with him, sounding nonchalant, like he usually did, but you looked as relieved as him, and he felt glad that he finally took a step further.

#riize x reader #seunghan x reader #riize smut #seunghan smut #riize fluff #riize scenarios #riize imagines

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adventuringblind · 1 year ago

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Joint Coping

Lestappen x Reader

Genre: Angst

Dialouge: "Help me understand."

Summary: Max helps his partners learn to cope in healthy ways

Warnings: Selh-harm, unhealthy Coping, blood, Ferrari, Max being the sane one of the group

Notes: I would like to emphasize that this is a thing that does happen. I know because I've done it. This specifically is not something to be glorified at all. Self-harm done in groups can become competitive. This is a pretty toned down version of things I've experienced and it's less toxic. THIS IS NOT REACHING OUT. Just wanted to clarify :)

This is part of my 1000 follower celebration! Requests are still open if you'd like to participate (the link will take you to the request form).

Masterlist

Max knows something is wrong with his partners. It's like an itch in his brain he can't scratch. A sixth sense, if you will.

The two Ferrari drivers are struggling with their team. Every problem is their fault. They have become the Ferrari scapegoats. When they do poor, it's the driver. When they do good, it's the team and the car.

He's coming to the end of his patience. If he has to hear them self deprecate one more time he might actually consider making them stand in the mirror and say nice things about themselves. Can he fuck it out of them? Is that a possibility? He really doesn't know but is desperate and willing to try anything.

They both DNF at the next race. Max is a man on a mission through media and debrief. He needs to see that they are okay. At the very least not sitting through some kind of lecture a parent gives to a child.

He sprints to the Ferrari garage and runs into Carlos. Despite his injury that took him out of the season, he still comes to support his team and teammates.

"Carlos!" The Spainard spins around to face him. "Have you seen-?"

"They already left over an hour ago. Did they not text you?"

There are warning bells going off inside of his head. Something is clearly wrong and they aren't telling him about it. He's about to sprint away when Carlos stops him.

"Before you go, you should that there were some awful things said by their engineers and they looked really upset about it."

"Thanks Carlos."

Max is back at the hotel as fast as he can manage. He tried both their cells with no answer. It's killing him from the inside out with anxiety. He's probably just overthinking, but it'll feel better when he sees they are okay.

He keys the door open and doesn't bother taking off his shoes. The lights are off aside from the one in the bathroom. Maybe they decided a nice relaxing bath would do the trick. Max could also go for one. He pushes that thought aside for now.

He knocks gently on the door. "You two in there?" No response. Or at least - not one to him directly. There are a few hushed whispers, but nothing loud enough for him to hear.

He waits Aproximatley ten seconds before he can't handle it anymore and swings the door open. He expects to see fogged mirror and water on the floor. Instead he's met with the sight red wrists and thighs.

He's lost. Max Verstappen has no idea what to do.

They are stripped down to undergarments. Legs dangling over the side of tub. A switchblade in the hands of Charles. They both look teary eyed and doped out. Are they enjoying this?

God, he feels so stupid. Weeks of having Sex with no lights on, sweatshirts in hot weather, no swimming and doing private ice bathes away from trainers. He should've noticed. Max could've stopped this sooner. He wants to rewind and tell them to come to him instead of relying on this to get the through.

"Guess you caught us." Charles let's out a half assed laugh. "You gonna stare at us all night? Or can we get the yelling part over with? Last three partners left us when they caught it. I understand if it's to much. Not your burden."

Max had been a later addition. The two in the bathtub had been together since their teenage years. Had they been Coping like this for so long?

"Sorry about the mess. Relapses are hard. We made it all season until a month ago." She leans her head onto Charles' shoulder. How can they make this type of environment endearing? This is unreal and they need serious help. Which Max will eventually get them when he can get his act together.

He kneels on the floor in between them. Max is just now registering the tears on his cheeks. They'd been in pain for so long. It hurts him just thinking about it.

"I'm not going to yell-" he looks at one. "-I'm not going to leave-" he looks at the other. "But help me understand. I want to help."

"It's easier to do with someone else around. It's more therapeutic." The lopsided smile on the female's face is not helping Max. He has to many questions.

First, he gets them cleaned up. Neither of them flinch when he disenfects the wounds. They don't look at him as he wraps them in whatever gauz is in the first aid kit. They look ashamed as he puts the knife in his bag and rinses the tub.

The one that gets him, however, is the look of pure confusion when Max hugs them both so tightly. It's like they don't know how to respond.

They sit in a circle on the bed. It's comfortable and Max can see both their expressions clearly.

"I know the struggle." He starts. "Punishing yourself is better then someone else doing it, right? But I had Daniel there reminding me to reach out."

"It's just easier this way."

"Easier isn't better. Look at the state you're in. I'm not leaving, but I am getting the both of you help."

He followed through with this the next morning. Then looked supposed to see him when they woke up. He, and his childish mind, kissed all the cuts and scars. Every single one of them received proper treatment.

The female cried and thre her arms around Max. Charles had looked away in shame. The reasons they started this are still foreign to him, but that's not his priority.

He gets them help. All of them, mind you. They do group sessions as the three of them to find healthier ways to cope with each other.

Reasons seem to fade into the background because they don't matter as much. The important thing is that Max caught it in time. That he didn't lose them to their own minds. They are partners, and Max would be devistated to lost someone he loves to those dark places.

He rests easier now that the itch has been scratched. His partners are doing better. They smile and laugh at his stupid jokes again. A bit of confidence regained.

And Max reminds them daily that nothing is worth it if you have to destroy yourself for it. Drivers or not, he loves them regardless.

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wayfayrr · 6 months ago

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"Wait no you're not supposed to get hurt."

First of the 400 follower raffle winners!!! took a little longer to write than planned but it's here! This is for @the-moon-files and it's masc!human!reader with the chain, it doesn't touch on all of the hcs I have for humans/hylians but it's made very clear that there is a difference :3c

[masterlist]

“Um, [name]? Are you sure you don’t need a potion, that gash you got on your leg seems like it’ll get infected if you don’t use a potion or anything other than bandages.”

“Thanks for the concern sky but-”

“Yes, I know most potions don’t work for us. It’s why luv and bertie spent so long perfecting recipes that have any positive effect.”

Us? US? After months of traveling with the chain, having to explain new differences between me and them sky decides to drop a bomb like this???? Is he messing with me or something? My face must have said exactly what I’m thinking considering he pulled back with a nervous giggle.

“I forgot to mention it, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, yeah you did. It would have been very nice to know I’m not the only human here earlier.”

“Sorry, I was so happy not being the only one anymore that I forgot… to actually tell you. But really can’t this whole thing wait until we’ve dealt with your injury?”

That’s fair, I’m still a tad bitter over it but I can understand. He’s got a look of guilt and concern on his own face now, his hands twitching and half reaching for the gash on my leg before pulling back reluctantly. Begging for my permission to help with puppy dog eyes glancing back and forth simply begging for approval. Hopefully he hasn't noticed that it's a bit worse than just a gash.

“If you’re sure that it won’t just be a waste of supplies then go ahead I guess.”

“I’m certain it’ll help you, not as much as it would the traveller or the champion but it’ll help.”

The potion feels strange in the wound as he goes about applying it, it’s almost similar to antiseptic but with less of a sting. Not anything like what I thought with how the other links down them like it’s honey or something, maybe they just taste a lot better than they feel. Maybe they’re just different for humans. No way to really tell. Before long he’s finished with that though, moving on to simply bandaging it.

“Skyyyyyyyy you’ve been over here hogging his attention for ages when are y- oh I…”

It seems wind didn’t notice the reason sky’s been ‘hogging’ me then, does that mean that sky was just watching me in the battle. Probably just cause he’s enamored by not being the only human now, nothing to look into beyond that. I’m overthinking it.

“[name]? When did - Twi said humans are invincible, how did you - how did they - You’re alright right?”

“I’m alright kiddo, sky’s just been helping me with some of his own potions.”

“Wait twi’s been saying what?”

Seems Sky’s just as shocked as I am, he wouldn’t have said anything otherwise, so this isn’t commonly known. Or true but that’s another thing. Was it his attempt at getting wind to not be so wound up that most potions and magic is about as effective on me as carrying water in a sieve. But that just means that if something were to happen, like maybe y’know - right now, he’s going to get more messed up than otherwise. Twilight wouldn’t do that, he’s a bit dense sometimes but he loves the sailor like a brother. Does that mean this is just something he believes himself? He grew up in ordon it’s not impossible.

“Wind please when did Twilight say that?”

“He said it when we found out [name] is a human, why are you so bothered by what twi is saying about him?”

“I think sky is just worried about any rumours going around, no need to snap at him for it.”

“Yeah, just worried about rumours, yeah.”

“Well if anyone should be worried about those ‘rumours’ it should be ME - what if… what if you got hurt worse… we wouldn’t be able to - we wouldn’t know… even if we were to use a potion it'd just blend in with your blood and we could miss places...”

The exact reason why twilight shouldn’t have told wind this is happening right now, and I don’t know how to comfort him. He’s crying and stressed over me getting hurt despite sky-treating it, despite me being fine. It’s not like it’s just wind upset either, I don’t think I’ve seen sky so stressed in all the time I’ve known him. It’s almost like he’s been caught in a lie, wait now that I think about it his ears look hylian, has he not told the chain either? Too many questions and not enough time or words to get all the answers. And he knows I want them.

“I- I’m going to tell wild that he’ll need to make some more potions. I’ll send twi over as well if he’s not busy with anything else. Your leg should be fine now, just don’t move too quick or take the bandages off unless it’s to replace them with clean ones.”

And now sky’s gone, leaving me with an overwhelmed wind. Who looks honestly more confused over Sky leaving the way he did than upset over me being hurt, which is somewhat of an improvement I guess? It’s better than having him stressed out over a little gash.

“Was it just me or was sky-”

“Really nervous? I’m sure he’s got a reason to be kiddo, who knows maybe he’s just anxious over me getting infected.”

“INFECTED!?”

Oh, I should not have said that, it’s like wind didn’t even consider that that could possibly happen. And now I’ve sparked his worry all over again.

“hey I didn't mean to -”

“If you can get infected we've gotta be extra careful and and - [name] we've gotta tell time before he pushes you way too hard and something else happens.”

“Nothing else is gonna happen, I'm fine I promise you that.”

How long is he going to be pouting over me getting injured, it’s not a big deal, I’m not going to die or anything.

"What're you two doin' that's causin' Sky to act up like some cuccos durin’ a lightnin' storm?"

“IT’S CAUSE [NAME] GOT INJURED, HIS LEG GOT CUT.”

His ears drooped faster than wolfies tail would start to wag if you offered him some pets. Which proves the fact that twilight wasn’t telling wind a lie to make him concerned for no reason, he genuinely thought that humans couldn’t be hurt. I - don’t really know what to think now, I mean it is good that it wasn’t him lying intentionally but how long has he lived with humans, how long has he had to learn that this isn’t true??? He’s what 24? Has Rusl or no one else gotten hurt in any of those twenty-four years?

“Ya - ya got hurt ‘nd didn’t tell?”

“Well sky was helping me and then-”

“Neither of ya thought ta tell? Y’ain’t think I shoulda known?”

Is - is he going to start crying? I knew twi was pretty soft-hearted but to start crying over me not thinking to tell him about just a small little cut into my leg? Why’s he so personally offended that he wasn’t told any sooner, does he really care so much about someone he’s only met recently?

“I mean, I thought that’s what sky was going over to you for?”

“I well yeah, yer right, that’s part of why he did.”

“Hey are we missing the point!? [Name] got HURT when you said humans were near invincible!”

“That really isn’t the important thing right now wind, I think twi only said that so you wouldn’t worry about me. Right?”

Go along with it, see on my face that I’m trying to get you to go along with this so that wind doesn’t get more stressed and just go along with it. Please. If he doesn’t then I will never be able to move on from this, and I don’t think that anyone would appreciate being lectured for something that you genuinely have no control over.

“Right?”

“Ah righ’, wind you know I were only sayin’ that so you wouldn’t worry, yeah?”

“Oh sure you say that now, but before it was all ‘Humans were blessed to be invincible by the spirit ordona because of the goddess hylia’s hatred of them.”

“Aigh’, and I was tellin ya that so you won’t worry.”

Well wind clearly doesn’t believe him, he doesn’t sound certain of himself either to be honest. But the sailor seems to be done stressing over it now, ran himself out of energy it seems. Nuzzling into my side with a pout.

“Come on kiddo, it’s not worth a grudge with one of your big bros.”

No response, But a very disappointed twi now. Offended from me not apparently telling him fast enough or whatever, which just feels like a weird reason more than anything. Besides even that it’s not like he’s known me long, he really shouldn’t be as bothered as he is.

“Wind please, I don’t think it’ll do me any good staying on the floor like this either.”

“...f’ne.”

Hinting at something worse happening did just the trick as I hoped and got him up onto his feet, while giving me the silent treatment as twi helps me to my feet. Just gotta hope that the break won’t get any worse now that I'm standing. Or noticed. I’m already lucky enough that sky didn’t pick up on it, because I know that the second anyone learns it’s going to pull us all to a halt. Hell for all I know he’s hiding that he saw it to go tattle on me to time, never would have known that he could lie so well so I can only hope he won't use it like this. But what do I know, he could do anything just to get some extra sleep in.

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hwanchaesong · 6 months ago

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━⁠☞🍽️ Second Course: He treats you so well, and you're naive enough to believe that only you have the key to his tasty heart. Or his pants. 🥢

🎧: Olivia Rodrigo - Traitor

wc: 1.0k

genre & warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of sex, cursing, crying, there's another girl, lovers to exes, pure heartbreak :D , Yeji of ITZY special appearance etc etc

a/n: this is a part of The Sour Restaurant series. if y'all want, you can read the other album inspired fics of other groups here.

ps. i've already reposted this but it still won't appear under the tags that i've put so ig i'll just let it be lmao. imma just post it the way it is bc i'm tired of trying and thinking on what to do to make it work.

At the tender age of 13, you took note of everything that was written in an article that you accidentally opened and read on a fishy website entitled, 'Signs that your partner is falling out of love.'

You thought it would help you avoid conflict with a future partner, it would help you evade an impending heartbreak, but nothing can prepare you for the real world, it seems.

Your boyfriend, Park Seonghwa, was the definition of a picture perfect man.

He's kind, respectful and loving. He had all the love languages.

He never shunned away from skinship, and most of the time, he's the one who's initiating it. Giving you hugs and kisses even in public without any ounce of shame.

Even when he's busy, he still gives you the time of his day. Often, he would choose to lose sleep if it means that he'll be able to talk and see you after a long, tiring day at work.

He's also the type to buy 'just because' gifts. Randomly walking around a park then he'll see this cute bunny keychain, buying it immediately so he can give it to you because the bunny reminds him of you.

Fixing collars, tying shoelaces, cooking you food— he does it all, and naturally too. The way he pampers you like a mother hen is the sweetest thing you have ever seen in a man.

The most important thing though? It's his ability to listen and soothe all your worries away. He tells you that if you're overthinking, you can simply say it to him and he'll gladly give you all the assurance that you need.

So, what went wrong? Where did it go wrong? Is there something wrong with you?

The situation at hand made you question yourself, then again, are you really the problem here?

"The least you can give me is a reasonable explanation!" you yelled, gripping Seonghwa's arm that was holding his suitcase, attempting to stop him from leaving you without any form of closure.

"Well, what do you want me to say?" he snapped, raising his usual soft voice at you, something that he has never done before.

"A reason! Explanation, anything! Why are you suddenly breaking up with me?!" you blinked rapidly, the itchiness in your throat makes it harder for you to breathe, and the sinking feeling of dread in your stomach is urging you to vomit.

This is so fucking messed up.

Just last night, Seonghwa was fine. He even made love to you in your shared bed, whispering how good you are for him.

Last week, he brought you flowers. Last last week, he took you to a nice restaurant for dinner. Last month, he took you to Maldives for a summer getaway.

Nothing changed and everything felt the same, thus, the current happenings don't make sense.

You come home from work and the next thing you know, your significant other of how many years are mumbling nonsense of going separate ways. That you two are better off without the other.

You just don't fucking understand what the hell went wrong.

"I don't love you anymore."

You never knew that a mere sentence that is composed of five words is more than enough to break your heart, your world.

He doesn't love you anymore?

"Since when?" you weakly muttered, wanting answers that will probably hurt you more.

"For the last few months."

You winced, there were no signs of him not loving you. He must be lying, his shaky chocolate orbs say otherwise.

"Okay." you speak, no more energy to fight for him, to fight for a battle that is not worth the blood, sweat, and tears.

Just like that, you watched him walk away. Out of your home, out of your life, and you were left alone. Crying your heart out, gripping your chest as it physically hurts as well, the pain searing through you.

Two weeks later.

Your friend, Yeji, was making a ruckus, she was basically shoving her phone in your face.

"Y/N, look! Isn't this your ex?"

You peeked at the device, and your heart dropped along with your mood.

What the fuck?

That is your only reaction at the photo posted on Seonghwa's instagram because it hasn't been a month, and here he is, with a girl that he's being lovey-dovey with.

A girl.. a familiar one.

"That fucker." you uttered menacingly, your fists tightly clenched on your lap as your friends worriedly glanced at you.

Isn't that the one you asked him about? The fucking girl that was lingering around him all the damn time like a wretched fly. He told she's nothing but a co-worker.

Sure. Kissing your co-worker on the cheeksin a field of maple trees is very professional, isn't it?

You are not sure what to feel. He broke up with you so he could date that girl, it seems.

Should you be thankful? Or should you curse him until he dies?

Either way, now that you're thinking about it, maybe he really didn't fall out of love with you, just that he found someone that he loves more. There was no proof, but there was evidence of his upcoming betrayal.

The way he was always on his phone, and maybe, all the things he had done for you before were nothing but distractions so you wouldn't notice what he was doing behind your back.

A lady's gut never lies, yet you choose to ignore it, and this is what you get.

You laughed yet the tears dripping down your cheeks is the complete opposite of your actions.

Not once did you hear him apologize during the argument about the break-up, and my god, did you hate him so much for entering your life like a storm and leaving such a mess behind.

Park Seonghwa is no cheater, but he is a raging traitor.

Then again, no one is at fault here but you, as you should've seen this coming. You should've been alert, using your rationality instead of your useless heart, and now you're paying the price for his treason.

taglist:

@acciocriativity @iarayara @stolasisyourparent @shakalakaboomboo @xdannix @nsixns

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rosescarlette · 7 months ago

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- Gentlemen. -

Zhongli is the type of person who's often described as a gentleman. Trust me this guy has a lot of fame but even he doesn't know how. He just uses his knowledge and skills and boom! He's famous.

Zhongli is the type of person to absolutely spoil you. He just wants you to be happy. Of course grandpa sometimes goes overboard. You see something? You complement it? Congrats! It's yours now.

Zhongli is also the type to be very reserved during the first time of the relationship. Not like the people who just ask him something completely about, "Hey have you-" where he just goes.. "Sorry I have a girlfriend." No. He isn't. He would completely let the person finish their question and then answer them appropriately. If some one were to indeed ask him out. He'd politely decline and just return to his work what he was doing before.

Zhongli also would be quite strict with himself. But hey.. can you really blame him?.. he has no experience during the first moments. But however do expect him to be completely perfect at the dinning matters and etc. He has learned these habits himself when he used to disguise himself as a human to mingle among his people.

He also has immense strength. Trust me no human could ever compare to his strength because he's the archon who dominates over the element geo. So he obviously has no trouble carrying your bags even yourself. No matter how heavy you are.. you're just a feather to him. There would always be arguments like: "Zhongli let me carry my bags myself!!" "Pardon but I will carry these." Yep. Expect him to be formal even when arguing. You raised yourself as an independent woman and he's the gentleman. So.. yep arguments on who's gonna pay for the dinner. Of course he ends up winning. He pays the bill regarding the price. Heck does he even look at it? No. Because his wallet (childe) will always pay for it regardless of the price.

If zhongli sees you overworking yourself to the point where you sleep on the desk itself. He will not hesitate at all to pick you up and place you in bed and tuck you in. He has no problems doing that.

You and zhongli would RARELY get into arguments. Trust me, the only times you'd argue is who is going to pay the bills and all. He always wins somehow.

He is also the type to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday or happy anniversary to you. Because he wakes up quite early and you? Nah you're gonna sleep almost to the point where people would mistakenly arrange a funeral for you thinking you died... /j . This guy has photographic memory so.. he captured every emotion on your face with immense detail. He never gets bored looking at those eyes.

He is also the type of person who'd comfort you very well. If your day is bad you can always go chat to him. He will always and ALWAYS try to make you smile. Your smile is something he would pay anything to see.

You overthink? He's the one to comfort you. You have social anxiety? He's the one to do the talking. You're short to reach? He helps you with it. Any problem you bring up he brings up the solution.

Zhongli wants everything to be perfect. My guy's a rich person. (But somehow broke) He wants everything to be absolutely perfect and no detail should be missed. So expect your birthdays and special occasions and all to be amazingly perfect. Including his proposal is something that has so many hidden meanings that many people have forgotten. Yet it's perfect. In a way where everything is according to you. Which represents you and him.

In the end.. your relationship was perfect with him. It was only date to marry. Trust me. He will only choose you.

Zhongli knows eventually one day he will outlive you. He always had. So he tries his best to always stay near you and capture every emotion of yours. And eventually when you aren't there anymore.. he will forever be lonely. He wouldn't want another person. He himself had set a contract to himself. It's either you or no one. And he follows it. Until it's the end of him.

Your grave is something that can't be found easily. I mean.. he wouldn't let it be known so easily to people. He would try to hide it as much as possible. The area would be secluded. And your grave will the one that has your favorite flowers. However to him. He visits to be with you. Only to be reminded of the fact.. you're gone too.

Despite living so long. He'd always learn talents so who knows if he learns art. Not for anything but other than painting you so you wouldn't be forgotten in his memory so easily. Even with his photographic memory he fears that he would forget. The tea cups on the table will always be the pair where one is empty and the other has cold tea. A remainder again you're gone. He heavily uses muscle memory so it's hard for him to get accustomed easily.

Despite the bittersweet ending. He always loved and always will continue to love you. And if it's his end. He would want to be next to you. And after always hold you in his arms. No matter where he would always find you. Even without his memory. His soul knows you and will continue to find you. So expect many lives of yours to be with him.

In the end he has no regrets. He always wanted to be with you. So it's always you no matter what.

#zhongli x y/n #zhongli x you #zhongli x reader #zhongli fluff #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin characters x you #rosescarlette #rosescarlette's diary #zhongli #zhongli angst #genshin morax #rex lapis #rex lapis x you

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sailorblossoms-snowbaz · 5 months ago

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Simon knows Baz is the love of his life by 19. He escalates so fucking fast even before realizing he wants Baz (progressively touching him more and more after the truce) (quickly asking to be boyfriends after kissing him, who cares about all the years being conditioned to see him as An Enemy!!). And yeah, he has always just wanted a family… so no way he’s going to be even half a decade with Baz without wanting marriage popping up – the idea itself is already out there in SFC (“we could be married with children”) and Simon escalates quickly…

Unfortunately I’m posting because I have some comphet thoughts here (I can focus on the not fun part since I took that “Simon is probably already married by 26” “how would proposing go” tweets as Word Of God confirming snowbaz is married lol) (always feel like I’m getting jump scared when the relationship with Agatha is mentioned in a snowbaz moment such as this so I cope by analyzing, what can I say)

Comphet for Simon is very specifically about craving for a home and a family (security and stability, belonging). He matches Baz there in a way too, as comphet for Baz is also about family… because for Baz is about heirs. However, Baz is the only one who’s ever thinking “having heirs implies having sex with a girl and getting her pregnant,” and because he thinks he can identify that even the idea makes him feel sick, that he doesn’t want that, that it would be miserable for him and that girl, and so he’s able to walk away when an opportunity to be with a girl presents itself.... but a big part of that it's not just thinking and processing (overthinking by itself won't save you from the crushing weight of societal expectations) but rather... Baz has a family. The expectation of having a traditional family is caging for Baz, but having a family who loves him provides him with the confidence, strength, and security necessary to be able to resist pressure, even if that pressure is coming from his own family. Without Daphne, who softens Malcolm, and his siblings in his life, would he have that? Or would he have been more like Simon, who's exposed and neglected to such extremes he will do anything – no matter how wrong or uncomfortable – just to not feel that way anymore?

Simon defines the entirety of his relationship with Agatha as just going through the motions – neither is thinking outside of the need to belong and conform to expectations. They’re not processing their shit – Agatha breaks things off as soon as she starts to… and she’s direct in her thoughts because she is starting to process, and Simon gives things away indirectly isn’t because he’s not processing unless there's a trigger (such as wanting Baz to understand him more, even if he himself hasn't figured things out yet, or Baz expressing he believes Simon truly wanted Agatha romantically or sexually, which feels wrong for Simon because it wasn't true). Comphet tells a boy like Simon that the only way to get a family is "to settle down with a nice girl." He literally doesn't think there's any choice – that's the only path forward. Believing in the HEA is not about believing he could be happy with Agatha ("that's where my life will begin," he says, giving away that he hasn't been happy dating Agatha, nor does he even think he's living while being with her) (which is nothing personal but rather "that's how dating someone who's wrong for you/comphet feels like" and "that's how it feels like for Simon to be in love and attracted to Baz but to be with someone else because he's not able to figure that out"... it's miserable). Using the HEA as comfort, even though his true belief is that he's going to die before it ever got to that, is about believing "I can have a family"... even if he can't visualize how he wants that family to look like (outside of fantasies about his parents) because he doesn't think. And that's key, I think.

Simon is not thinking so he's not really visualizing. There are some logical conclusions to going through the motions such as "what job will I get and what house, will the doc help" which is more about housing and "how will I sustain myself, supposing I live, which I doubt anyway" which aligns with how Simon is just surviving. But Simon is not ever thinking about Agatha having his children – he never thinks about Agatha sexually, never. We have Baz's exact body proportions and you wouldn't know what size or shape to draw Agatha's breasts with Simon's POV (who supposedly "likes women because he's not mad about big breasts meaning he's a boob person" according to some – I for one call that confirmation bias and see the entire boob affair as proof he doesn't) "Previous sexual partners" gender neutral and plural makes it harder for you to associate the idea of sex with Agatha, doesn't it. It probably distracted you, even. The guy tellingly covers himself, doesn't want to be left in a room with her alone while half-naked, and self-harms through talking about having sex with her – that shit is on purpose. All of this is to say: Simon is not thinking what Baz thinks (which is part of why he does it, even though he doesn't want to).

Simon wants a family, but he's not thinking about Agatha having his children. Everyone and their moms assume "I'm gonna marry that person" automatically means "I'm gonna have children with them as well," and that's part of comphet here, but Simon doesn't process. Neither does Agatha (part of why they dated). You gotta remember how young they are too (how a kid's idea of marriage is – how much copying what they see without processing is involved as they don't have the tools to know shit – compared to a grown-up.)

"Simon was set to marry Agatha because he wanted to believe he could have a family" is not in contradiction with "but he didn't really it was going to happen as he would kick the bucket soon." And in practice? I think Simon being with Agatha because he wants a family wasn't really about building a family with her, but rather, about being a part of the family she already has. When Simon shares why he wants to date Agatha, he's projecting things onto her (like being protected, untouched) and sharing not that he wanted her, but that he wanted to be like her. When he shares everything he loves about going to Agatha's house, he mentions the nice comfortable house (the tv!) and the adults in it, and Agatha is glaringly missing from that list. It's not ever "love to spend time with good ol' Agatha" but we do get "Agatha" and "trapped in that house together" in the same sentence. Agatha the friend might be family like Penny (in a page where we should be hearing why he doesn't want to lose her as a girlfriend, he goes on and on about how said it would be if they're no longer friends) but Agatha the girlfriend is more of a door or a "device." When they break up, the list of things Simon gives to explain why that upsets him includes Agatha's parents, but not Agatha herself.

Through dating Agatha, Simon was trying to feel part of a family... but not because he ever had any intention of building something with her. But because Simon wanted to feel like a son. You assume kids come with marriage, but in the marriage-parents-children circle, Simon always wanted to be in the role of the child. It's never been about being a parent with Agatha, but about being a son. It's part of why it feels so triggering when Penny's mom seems to be rejecting him (and so he can't spend Christmas in her house).

It's part of why Simon's reaction to "we could be married with kids" "could we?" – that italicized could giving the impression this is a new idea, perhaps something to be questioned as "is it possible?" ... I don't think this is about "can gay men have this?".... I think this is Simon's first time looking at marriage like "a grown-up." Considering marriage and children while fully conscious he would be in the role of married father, and not the child. And Simon wants to build something with Baz. Simon never thought of the future outside of comforting himself with the idea that he could have a family (any family) so his "inevitable death" doesn't feel paralyzingly sad (which also tells you he didn't truly see Agatha as his future – there was none – even if admitting that would have been difficult then...).

Simon never thinks about building something... until he's with Baz. Realizing that Baz is the love of all his lives, and that a future without Baz is unbearable, and that he wants him in his bed every night, and that he enjoys the domesticity of furnishing a house with him.... it inevitably leads to "Baz is my home and my future" and what's "figuring it out he wants to get married" after that?

#snowbaz #simon snow trilogy #simon snow #carry on #baz pitch #baz grimm pitch #baz x simon #awtwb #wayward son

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dior-luxury · 2 years ago

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What if... a new person comes to NRC/College in general. This new person catches the eyes of y/n, and this makes the characters get really jealous? This with Floyd, Rook, Cater, Sebek (Separate) please! Love your fics and keep up with the good work Valerie 💝(hope you don't mind me calling you by your name)!!!! 😊 Lastly can I be 🍱 anon please? :)

A New Person Catches Their S/O's Attention

( ✧ ) ────── 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 . 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚 - 𝐧𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬 .

Of course, I'll do this! Thank you for your praises 🍱 anon! Also it is totally fine by you calling me by my name (♡μ_μ)! Lastly I made some of them make the reader not being in a relationship them yet so... extra drama ;).

- [𝐜𝐡.] floyd leech . rook hunt . cater diamond . sebek zigvolt - [𝐩:𝐬] semi - suggestive.

#Floyd Leech

Possessive x10.

Floyd is going to be extremely jealous and insecure at most. Why can't you see that he likes you? Did he not make it obvious? You´re basically hurting his very soul.

No one would be surprised if he gets extremely bold with you right now. Examples of that include: Kissing you or any other romantic stuff and even activating deep voice mode... (Floyd: *battle stance*)

But seriously, I don't think anyone would be surprised if this guy pulls out his magic pen or just uses his bare hand to fight. Like this guy is about to beat this guy's ass.

He's really about to through hands for you just looking at someone... not the best solution. He also takes into account that you ALSO have INTREST in that guy.

"Y/N. What about me? Am I not interesting?" You know stuff is about to go down when he doesn't use his iconic sea nicknames anymore.

If this goes on long enough, he isn't afraid to bite someone... bonus points if this happens when he's at the basketball club. He would for sure hit the guy in the back of the head with a ball. Not a lot of force- but you know that he is not happy.

(EXTRA points if he squishes them.)

But once again, possessive Floyd is not a force to be reckoned with. You can bet that this guy would exploit this situation and try to get all of your attention on him again.

Focusing on another mood of Floyd's... he also could be totally trivial about this whole scene. Like he would not care about this, usually, that happens 65% percent of the time...

- - -

Enjoy this mini-diagram I made <3; Technically speaking, if a situation like this happened... obviously these are just percent's and not totally equal lol.

Possessive: 75%

Doesn't care: 65%

Violent: 50%

Doesn't notice: 25%

#Rook Hunt

Rook is… almost normal.

He is the master of hiding any sort of negative emotion- and might be so good at it that he doesn't even realize it. Yes, he indeed will know how he feels about this all, but does he care about expressing negatives? No, he doesn't.

As a wise man once said, Rook only cares about beautiful things. With jealousy not being included. Plus, he's confident that you don't mean anything by this, your just like him- with how you are interested in someone.

Rook might be the only sane one, to be honest- when it comes to this… just kidding.

This man will not- stop- bothering you about this. He's really happy that his little trickster found someone to have a such fascination with! He's beyond proud.

Even though likes you, he won't get in the way of your feelings. He might be overthinking this whole thing, but he wouldn't be lying if he got exposed for covering his feelings- by bothering you about your own.

Though he would ask for clarification if you had any feelings for the guy you were interested in. Even if so, he is ready to help in anyway he can~

. . . Okay now, what if I told you that was partially true? If we're talking about how he's feeling on the inside anyways. The 100% is surrounded by burning jealousy- it almost even hurts his very soul.

He waltzes over to the poor guy in a suffocating manner and tries to understand what you see in him.

If the student is smart enough to feel scared by Rook, they will make it out alive. If not- then you would have to hear the comments from Rook that sound too good to be true. He's from now on keeping a very close eye on your or anyone else behavior…

But of course, he will not show it.

#Cater Diamond

Cater for sure does not show it- but he’s quite upset with this.

Basically in his mind, he already feels you like him, so it’s no wonder why he is feeling dejected. But- he also isn’t used to having such feelings for someone, and it all makes him second-guess things.

Even if you had no- whatsoever, romantic intention with him, he’ll over-read your kindness and think that you like him. Not ever being rational- and I mean, never.

Though as much as he wants to- he doesn’t ever want to use any sort of realism or even anything to clarify that he is only dreaming. Only because it just takes his feelings and confidence away from him.

His mind takes him to a more negative place and makes him believe- or think negatively. Then shortly he would begin to feel bad about ‘dreaming’, of your ‘very obvious’ feelings for him.

Even though Cater is a typically cherry person on the exterior, I can very much envision him almost losing his cool. He is practically even death glaring at the guy you seem to be looking at.

But of course- those feelings will only be in the insides, not wanting to disclose any of his emotions… which his emotions end up being, pure-utter-jealousy.

Basically what I’m trying to say… Cater is not the type to be as protective on the outside, but he is extremely down to throw hands with this student.

Not really saying that he will act on his more violent feelings… but he is very close that he might even. It all only depends on if he is pushed more to act on it.

And just saying… you might have to get Trey to hold back Cater from harming- or even go as far to to just malign the poor guy on the internet.

#Sebek Zigvolt

He’s jealous but ten times more.

If you think that his protectiveness around Malleus was bad, try to add his, lovesick, clingy, and overprotectiveness to the also. As if having all of these traits aren’t bad enough already.

It is no wonder why I feel so bad for the guy you just have an interest in, you have a growling- Monsieur Crocodile, glaring at his ‘opponent’. He has some courage- and possessiveness to be yelling at some random guy. Thanks to this he now views him as an extreme threat. It really doesn’t matter if his ‘rival’ is a human or beastmen, he would still yell at them either way.

In his mind he can’t really help himself, I mean he was raised as a knight, one that’s supposed to protect the ones he cares for. That’s why he can’t help himself when he gets visibly mad when you look at someone in ‘awe’. It might also be the case where he wants you to look at him. why- not some random student who you haven’t even met before.

It’s almost like a curse of how he can’t be mature about this. It’s the first year curse of not using your head… it affects more than others. Basically he just doesn’t use his head and instead uses his emotions.

After class has ended… he then gets up from his desk and marches straight out of the door. Walking towards the scared and confused student, who has done nothing but exist.

I think he is too possessed by his emotions to not even feel any sort of remorse about this. Let’s all thank Lilia for the cause of this. Speaking of this, let’s talk about how pretty- if not, extremely lucky to have captured his attention, since it is not an easy thing to do.

But seriously, he really can't help but want to protect you from any cruel being in this world. That being, if we’re going to get in more detail on how he feels about this, even when he is very confused about this, he could call this feeling ‘forced confusion and anger’.

Which it also could be making his new feeling, which everyone knows as only 'jealousy'. This feeling makes his heart clench. It's like a swarm of dark energy involved in his system. Like black ink cursing a magical pen… or however you must describe it.

#𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐑-𝐋𝐔𝐗𝐔𝐑𝐘 #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #disney twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst imagines #twst x reader #twst fanfic #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland fanfic #sebek zigvolt x reader #cater diamond x reader #floyd leech x reader #rook hunt x reader

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clairedaring · 2 months ago

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Compilation post of my favorite Nadao actors (Nonkul Chanon, JJ Krissanapoom, Tor Thanapob) & Bright Rapheephong giving some interview answers on why they decided to star in queer/LGBTQ+ coded series/roles, some of their takes on being in BL (Y)/Queer series.

note: if you find this post familiar, it's because i've posted this on Reddit before. reposting here for archival purposes

TOR THANAPOB

Tor Thanapob interview in April 2023 when being asked about starring in Midnight Museum (a queer-coded GMMTV series) - (translation by infinitygraph_)

Tor: I think nowadays we should stop talking about gender. It doesn't mean that I have to act with women all the time or I can't act with men at all. I feel that I have proved to everyone that, work is work, and everything is about art. Even my team who are staying with me all the time has all kind of sexualities. It's not strange if someday we want to try telling story of other sexualities that we feel that we might be able to help them telling. If you ask me if today I am like that, today I might not, but I have a chance to understand them more, so I want to do it. Q: Is it because of the spoiler that [Midnight Museum] might be a series Y (BL)? Tor: Nothing to do with it. I tell you, sincerely, it has nothing to do with the spoiler. I just want to say that you don't have to overthink about it because nothing is fixed. Actors are actors. These days there are some award shows don't divide genders into categories anymore. I think this is a great step. Actresses also don't have to act with men all the time, they can act with women. And they both being the main characters Right. Because not all the main characters from every project have to come with the word 'love'. Even if there's 'love', there're many kinds of love. It's up to the audience what kind of feeling they have. Do they feel the same as me or they even feel more than I do? Q: So that means these days you can accept the work without any limit about what you are, which genders... Everything is about the story/script-writing? Tor: Right. I admit that I was afraid before. I wasn't afraid about my image, I was afraid that I would tell the story without understanding it, because I didn't have any experience at all. But at some point I found the chance to be more open-minded, brave to act it out all the way, such as Midnight Museum...

Tor's Vogue Interview in February 2024 on Spare Me Your Mercy as another important milestone as an actor (all translation by saltymarbles on twitter)

Tor: As for Euthanasia, I’ve been interested in it just from its name. If we were to go back in time to the period of the Prime Ministerial elections last year, there was some talk regarding the laws about euthanasia. As such, I know the meaning of it but if I had to explain it, I wouldn’t dare to because I don’t know that deeply about it. Tor: Up to the day that this drama happens, the owner of this project told me he wanted to set this question before anything changed in society: ‘Actually, are humans capable of choosing their death?’. Tor: This question shot through the core of my brain and immediately, i was like: ‘I need to tell this story’. And the role that he hoped to give me also served that function too. It’s a character which sets up the question of ‘what is right?’.(t/n: "this question" likely refers to a more philosophical kind of question regarding morality which asks what does being ‘correct’ mean — what is ‘objective morality’ (if it exists)) Tor: Do the people who are really suffering have the right to ask to leave? (t/n: "leave" is just a polite way of saying die (Thai people usually don’t use directly use the word die when talking about humans, usually use a more polite way like how we say ‘passed away’ or ‘xyz has left us’) Tor: Thus I decided to play along with knowing that the timeline of Euthanasia will remain with one in a hundred (people), so I like shades of the polar opposite. If the first story is navy blue, the other will be red — not close at all.

NONKUL CHANON

Nonkul's response to the question “If you have a chance, would you consider playing in a BL series? If accepted, who do you to co-act with?” in a Facebook Q&A video in 2021

Nonkul: If that series is an interesting storyline for me, I am always open to any kind of genre. I never categorized BL series as an BL series, I just think of it as a series with another plot as part of my work. It is a normal series that can have any of the plots which I will categorize as Romantic Comedy, Drama or whatever. Thus, when I choose the BL series I want to work with, the love preference of the character does not affect my decision. If the plot of the series is interesting, of course I’m gonna do it for sure. Every work that I chose, I personally think it at least enjoyable for me. Of course, if in the future, there are BL series with plots that I find interesting, that I enjoyed the script. “Like, wow, that’s my type!”, I will definitely selected it to be my future project. A good written series is a good series. This is what I believe as an actor. For BL Series, I think I can work with everyone. I don’t think I have anyone in particular. One thing! I desire the character of that person/actor? to be close to the character in the series. At that point I will be satisfied. Sometimes, I as an actor have a chance to work with people who don't have a lot of acting experience. I will still discover something new from him as well. And there is a BL novel which I really like! [Nonkul explains the plot of his favorite BL Novel ‘Peremo’] I would prefer to choose the “heroine” role because it will be a new experience for me as an actor because it will be a new experience for me as an actor. Because basically I only play as a hero role for the main character or support character in my work, but a “heroine” role in a BL series is the only chance for me to play a character more feminine. So it is a new experience for me. [Nonkul continues raving about 'Peremo’]. But if you think that you can make [an adaptation of Peremo], please do not forget me, Nonkul! Pleaseeeeeeee, I will do my best, I promise!!! However, I’m not only fixated on this novel. I’m also open for many more BL series if there is an interesting plot.

Nonkul's response to being ask if he's worried about filming NC scenes in IFYLITA (translation by saltymarbles)

Nonkul: I have to say when I had finished reading [the novel] and it’s made me want to act (in this series). I am probably worried more about the CG because if it’s a fantasy story with time travel, if the CG isn’t good, people will feel that it’s ‘off’. Because CG is something we don’t know anything about until we see the final product. One of the reasons that I accepted this role is because for some series, when I’ve read (the script/novel) for homework, I don’t accept them because there are some scenes that are forced in just for the sake of fan service. And I’m not really into that. If it’s a natural NC scene, then I’m not bothered. I’m a person who places a lot of importance on the story in series making sense. So to me, if an NC scene is reasonable, I won’t be bothered by it. But if it seems forced, I’m not into it. It’s important to show human-ness.

Two clips of Nonkul being asked what he thinks about doing NC scenes in IFYLITA (Clip 1 and Clip 2). Nonkul said that he places great importance on the character's actions. If an NC scene is reasonable he wouldn't mind but would if it's not reasonable. For Nonkul, understanding character is very important, especially for himself as an actor. Nonkul also said previously he had rejected some BL series offers because he can feel when NC scenes are put in just for fan service, which is also a reason why Nonkul accepted to play Jom in IFYLITA is because the love scenes are natural and make sense.

JJ KRISSANAPOOM aka JAYLERR

JJ's interview in February 2024 on Spare Me Your Mercy and his chemistry with Tor (translation by saltymarbles)

JJ: The pilot of ‘Euthanasia’ has been received well since the novel has many fans already who are excited about it. JJ & Tor are similarly excited and are committed to doing their best. The chemistry between Tor & JJ need not be questioned according to JJ since they are already close with each other. The series is in the phase of pre-production currently.

One of my favorite fictional characters of ALL TIME (not just in Thai or BL series) has got to be Tangmo from Great Men Academy (2019) (the series that a lot of BL audience refused to admit it's a queer series). The character Tangmo (played by Jaylerr) was questioned by the press about his gay crush on the protagonist: "Do you think being gay affect your chance of winning the competition?" to which his reply was a stellar "Well then let me ask you something, Does being gay make my good deeds meaningless?"

This isn't the first time JJ has played a queer role, JJ has played a gay character in TWO seasons of the LGBTQ+ series Diary of Tootsies (2016 and 2017). JJ plays Gus, the love interest of the main character.

So even though many BL fans consider Spare Me Your Mercy to be JJ's "first" BL series (which I don't agree with this strict interpretation of BL series), it is definitely not his first QL (Queer Love) series nor queer-adjacent roles as shown through out his filmography.

It is also noteworthy that even during the airing of these series, JJ was already in a public relationship with his fellow actress girlfriend Thanaerng (who has also played sapphic roles). You can see that the real life relationship of JJ or Thanaerng do not influence how/what projects they take on because work is just work :D

BRIGHT RAPHEEPHONG (all translation by saltymarbles on twitter)

Bright at Mono29 Lineup event

Bright: I think that, as I’ve previously said, BL series are just like other ordinary series or movies. Like IFYLITA can be changed to be said to be more like a period drama. I feel that BL is just about two people loving each other, not about whether it’s about male-male or female-male. This series is a period drama and it’s a romantic comedy and the other series is an action drama.

Bright's Interview with LIPS Magazine

Q: What if one day, we’re sucked in by the ship? Bright: I think fans in this day and age don’t need actors to do fan service to that extent. For myself, I’ve never intended for it to be the foundation (of his work). I think it’s a matter of being partners and working together. As such, it’s somewhat good in every aspect because it’s not forcing it. But in some moments, there may some actions that may just be the result of being friends. So even if fans ship, it’s cute to me. (smiles) Q: Do you feel a sense of “newness” stepping into a full-fledged BL? Bright: I feel that BL series are another branch of acting. I don’t think of it as being a specific form of male to male communication. It’s just another type of series just like action dramas, comedy etc, it’s just another kind of role that we can play.

Bright's Interview with Praew Magazine

Q: How is it working with Nonkul? Bright: Nonkul is a person who already does a good job at his work. He does his homework and he is also good at delivering and receiving emotions when on set. It isn’t just Nonkul who is great but the other characters in this series too, this includes P’Tee, the director. We can always talk about ideas which made the work even better. If asked whether entering the scenes with Nonkul made me shy, I would say that BL series are just another branch (of acting), it is just another role. I don't think that when acting with another man, that there’s a need to feel anything. I feel that it’s just another form of work. Another thing is that our workshops were very complete. When we work together I know what level and extent I can go to, what I should do and also trying my best in how I should feel. Thus, I felt at ease working together.

Bright’s Interview with NineEntertain

Q: Are you happy to do “ship” activities like this? Bright: I feel that if there’s an opportunity with regards to being an actor, I don’t want to be stuck in ships like this. I accepted this role with the status of an actor and I want to accept various roles too. It doesn’t always need to be BL or a specific kind of series. I will have another series next year which is ordinary boy-girl relationship and not a BL series. I feel that BL series are just another category of series — not like BL series are just BL series. It’s another category like action, romcom, or drama. It’s just another category. Q: There is still the possibility of coming to act as per usual. (unclear of what the interviewer said) Bright: I feel that with every work opportunity, it’s more about the script and storyline of the work that I were to accept. For example, I accepted the role of Khun Yai in IFYLITA as i felt that it was a script that was suitable for me. I didn’t think of it as “oh it’s a BL series, I need to accept it” because to be honest, I have been contacted for various BL series but because [IFYLITA] storyline is really good, I wanted to try acting in it. Q: What is the difficulty of acting in BL as an actor? Bright: I feel like there isn’t any difference compared to regular series. I feel that when two men love each other or kiss, I don’t think of it as (me and) a man, I think of it more as each of the characters or persons. Q: Does that affect the trend of being a ship? Bright: Hmm… Actually I am not able to answer that because I feel like it depends on people’s perspectives. Because some people may prefer that (an actor) has a (onscreen) gf/bf but some people may be upset about it. I feel like the trend depends on the people’s perspectives as people have different ways of thinking (about it). I think that I am open to listening to all different opinions on this. I feel that working (in this industry), you should be able to explore different things and you should not be fixed in one thing. We need to continue moving onto the next thing. I feel that Non has his own work and I also have my own work, and other actors too have their own upcoming work. It doesn’t mean that coming to act in IFYLITA means that you stay in IFYLITA forever. Q: Some may feel that it’s sad their their ship is coming to an end and that they are gonna work with different people. Bright: Actually, there are still some upcoming pair events but as I’ve said earlier, everyone needs to continue to do their own duties as an actor. Q: What if people change their minds about shipping your ship in the future? Bright: I think it’s a normal thing. I feel that when someone (likes us), they also like our work. I feel like our fanclub likes both Yai and Jom, and they also like Bright and Non. They like the characters and that Bright and Non play these characters and they so they like us at this point. I feel like people who came to like us are also fans of other people. I feel that they are a source of encouragement for me when they like me but I am also glad if they meet someone new or support another person. I feel happy when they come to meet me and if they’re happy when they meet other (celebs), it’s a good thing for them. If there’s a new person, an older person, a regular person or a person they just met that they are happy to meet, I feel that it’s nothing to be stressed about. Let’s say a fan comes and likes me and is following my work and there’s someone new who enters and they like their work, I am glad for them to go support that other person because that person can bring happiness to the fan.

Wow, I really got carried away with this compilation but as a fan who's followed Nonkul, JJ and Tor since their Nadao days, watching them star in queer-coded series/roles like Bangrak Soi 9/1, Hormones, Diary of Tootsies, Great Men Academy... (or in Bright's case a gay character in lakorn Rivalry), I'm just so proud that they have been able to receive "BL" series script offers that they would like to take on.

I've never sat well with the difference in the treatment of the press to "BL actors" and "non-BL actors". I wish there weren't such a distinction because it feels like the notion itself holds a lot of prejudices baggage with it, to both "BL" and "non-BL" actors. To quote a friend on Reddit, "I believe most actors would feel more fulfilled if they knew their fans loved/respected them as individual artists, instead of only seeing them as one part of a unit whose value is lower when 'separated' from their official partner."

#nonkul chanon #jj krissanapoom #tor thanapob #bright rapheephong #spare me your mercy #jaylerr #i feel you linger in the air #forfive #userspring #userrain #usertoptaps #great men academy #midnight museum #bl actors #bl series #thaimedia #boyslovesource #my writings #less writing more like me archiving interview quotes i love #i wanna add up poompat and poom phuripan in this as well but mayhaps another day another post #i said i would add jamfilm stuff too if i had time but i never got around to digging their stuff #im sure film thanapat has had a lot of questions abt deciding to act in a bl series #similar to the way jes was asked that question recently since he was announced to be part of 4 minutes cast #film. nonkul. jes. tor “acclaimed lakorn actor -> high quality full fledge bl productions” pipeline is so real #SON YUKE NEXT!

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hyunjinsbelovedamericano · 1 year ago

Text

Skz when you call them a different name

flufffff

not proof read yet

Bangchan

raises his eyebrow

,"Jacob is that like your hairdresser or smth"

genuinely confused

,starts asking a bunch of questions,kind of let down when you tell him it was a prank

"Hey jacob can you pass me the remote","Jacob?do i know him?",he shower you in questions,"No i was just joking","Oh."looks disappointed but continues with his day

Lee know

Gets so aggravated

"Who the hell is Aaron"

"my name is way better than his so i'm better than him"

when you tell him it's a prank he ignores you after

"Aaron do you know where my book is?","Aaron?!","Who the hell is Aaron?"."You find him on bumble?"does not take this lightly AT ALL,"It was a joke.",he glares at you and walks away"wait,come back im sorry!"

Changbin

thinks it's a new nickname for him

"doesn't really sound like Changbin but ok"

talks about how it could've been better

"Oliver can i have my phone","Oliver?that's new and i don't think i like it","What do you mea-","Changbin,Oliver i guess i see it,but not really"He's confusing you at this point,"You could've done anything more related to Changbin,like pure muscle,the rock 2.0,better than yo-","Okay thats enough"

Hyunjin

dramatic

might start fake crying

"So you're cheating on me??!?!?"

"Geor-","George??Who the hell?",he'll put his hand on his chest and if he's standing or sitting on something,he's not anymore he's on the floor."Hyunji-","No,don't even talk to me anymore"takes a while to get him to listen to you

Han

won't accept it

will start naming hs nicknames

"You mean Hannie?"

"John,can i use your phone for on sec","John?that's not how you pronounce han,or you could say sungie,hannie","Han it was a joke-." "Uh I'm not finished,you could say Han quokka or just quokka"He will go on and on about his nicknames

Felix

he would get sad

"why didn't you tell me about him?"

"You could've told me"

tries to be understanding

"Daniel,do you have my charger?","Whos daniel?,do you not want me to know about him?","You could've told me about him"Would overthink it too much so you have to reassure him it was a joke,"no no no no no no,it was prank i'm sorry".you feel so bad after

Seungmin

excuse me

would lowkey be offended

"I'm way better looking than any Lucas"

"Lucas-","I don't know who the hell Lucas is but i know damn well im nothing like him."Seungmin","Do i look like a lucas too you?","...","Don't know what to say?"he left you speechless

Jeongin

asks you to repeat

"excuse me i don't think i heard you"

"Who?"

"Joseph can-","Hold on,rewind,who?","Joseph?"he'll start laughing and keep on asking you to repeat yourself then he'll start to repeat the name"Joseph?,Joseph?JOSEPH","How do you confuse Joseph with Jeongin,my name is Yang Jeongin not Joseph get it right"

#skz fluff #skz x y/n #changbin x reader #hyunjin x reader #lee know x reader #stray kids fluff #felix x reader #han x reader #jeongin x reader #seungmin x reader #bangchan x reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids headcanons #stray kids x you #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #stray kids scenarios

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xcerizex · 1 year ago

Text

"How obvious it is when they like you."

When the boys like someone who has a tendency to overthink. Imagine if you meet the boys in real life, you're not going to be certain that they actually like you unlike in the game and when they start flirting with you, you won't be able to take their flirting at face value at all. Horrible overthinking, which we all suffer from.

Alkaid:

Your first impression of him is that he's generally nice to everyone, you see. After several rounds of flustered panic attacks, you gave him a nickname.

"Central air conditioner"

(This basically refers to a person who's nice to everyone)

This is when you first meet of course, so it left you flustered whenever he'd say or do anything sweet.

Sometimes you'd spend one hour during class just... overthinking about it. Trying to crush those rose-colored glasses.

You tell yourself that he's just being really friendly, like the same way he's always helping someone out.

It's evident seeing how many teddy bears he's gifted on a daily basis lmao

It's only after seeing the obvious difference between how he treats you and others when he comes in strong, do you consider his actions as him being romantically interested in you.

That's when it starts being really obvious. Like, really, really obvious.

(Psst, Halloween event.)

Anyways, the one suffering the most here is him.

Ayn:

It's pretty obvious.

Man won't take one foot out his house no matter how much anyone begs him to but the moment you invite him out for something silly he's at the door calling you slow.

Not exactly but you get my point.

A good thing about his blunt attitude is that it leaves little room for doubt. You don't have to think so much when interpreting his actions and words.

And you know you mean something special to him when he makes both small and big exceptions for you the way he wouldn't do for anyone else.

(Princess Day event)

In short, there's a lot less confusion because he's more forward in expressing his interest in you.

Like, whenever he'd tease you in a flirting manner on rare occasions, your brain starts to shortcircuit and it takes a few minutes for you to understand that he's doing it because he sees you in a romantic way before your face turns red.

He teases you for that too.

Lars:

I'd say it's more obvious than not, especially after you spend more time with him. Doesn't mean you don't get confused.

He was playful when you first met him so you never really took him seriously. Especially when you see the way other girls react when they're around him.

Not that you thought of him as a player of course, not at all. You always thought it was just his character. In fact, you found it sweet how he's always trying to support your dreams.

His support makes you wonder however. Sure he could just be interested in supporting a future artist, but sometimes you find his actions and words going beyond a simple sponsor.

It makes your head go around in circles. And it gets a whole lot worse whenever he does something so endearingly sweet, you know it's got nothing to do with business anymore.

It leaves you flushed red when you finally arrive to a proper conclusion after an hour of thinking.

He's going to be the death of you.

Clarence:

Unlike the others, he is less obvious with his affection. He's much more subtle in regards to showing it.

He's extremely attentive when it comes to you and it shows. He'll frequently remind you to take care of your health, offer to grab a small bite for you when you mentioned you've skipped breakfast, and gently reprimands you when you don't take care of yourself enough at times, saying how important your wellbeing is to yourself, and to him.

😵‍💫

These small acts of concern are so sweet it leaves your brain in an overdrive. You chalk it up to him being a responsible, duty-bound Student Council President and stay in denial for a good long while.

Many times you'd just start banging your head against the wall in order to not get your hopes up cuz' he's just so damn caring.

It's only when you realize that his care for you is particularly more affectionate and intimate, do you actually start believing that he likes you in a romantic way.

Cael:

Where do I start with this man?

His entire existence is a cryptic puzzle, his feelings are not gonna be any easier to pinpoint lmfao.

He's your guardian so naturally it's going to be harder for you to see him in a romantic light.

He could literally say "I love you" and you'd think internally;

'As a dad?'

💀

No wonder this man's not a LI until like, the third world lol.

While I wouldn't say it isn't obvious, his character makes it hard to discern his true feelings.

As time passes and if he's willing to accept his own feelings, his romantic affection for you becomes more apparent. It doesn't show, you just feel it.

It makes you wonder if you're being delusional. Sometimes you'd throw your pillow across the room whenever you started thinking about it. You'd call it absurd the moment you start believing that, maybe, just maybe, Cael sees you in a romantic way.

You're screaming into the sheets again. This is not going to be resolved anytime soon.

(Bonus!) William:

Oh, you get very confused.

William's the friendliest person on the block so it takes awhile for you to realize you mean something special to him.

Another "central air conditioner" ig?

Whenever he would go out of his way to help you, you tell yourself it's nothing special. That he would do the same for anyone because that's just how he is.

But one time you told him you'd fallen sick over text, literally ten minutes later he shows up at your door all sweaty with bags of medicine lined up on his arms because he forgot to ask what sort of sickness you had.

You spend the rest of your sick day mulling over if that meant anything because you literally cannot fathom if this was something he'd do for anyone else.

He does a lot of big things for the people he likes, but if it's for someone where it's beyond a simple friendship, you start to notice the smaller details in his actions.

It leaves your heart in a flurry and your mind in tangled threads. His actions however, are not bold enough to stop your thoughts from running the mile.

But trust me when I say that his feelings are more obvious to you than they are to himself.

So until he realizes his own feelings, you're both stuck. But once he does, he'll go all out to show you just how special you are to him.

#lovebrush chronicles #for all time #this is not me being dense #its being ✨self-deprecating✨#i genuinely hope i did them justice #especially William #for all time~☆

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jillsandwhichs · 6 months ago

Text

RE Character x Reader Smutshot Collection , Chap 1 , Talking Body

Masterlist

Piring: F!reader x Chris Redfield

Summary: Chris finds out about the fact you're insecure about your body and takes matters into his own hands

Status of your guy's relationship in this smutshot: Dating!

WC: 5.5k

Type: NSFW

Warnings: Insecurities, Mentions of an ed, Clit rubbing, Dirty talk, P in V, Hair pulling, Praising kink, Breath play & No condom

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Thank you

The mirror paints a reflection of the body you hate most. Staring back at it, you scoff in disgust. 'How could I let myself get this bad?', you think to yourself. You were wearing a cropped tank top with shorts, considering it was over 80⁰ today. The summer heat is no force to be reckoned with. Even with the AC kicked on in your bedroom, it wasn't going to stop the heat from finding it's way into the apartment. The AC's were practically busted anyhow.

You wandered around your small bedroom, aimlessly thinking about different ways you could view yourself in a more positive fashion. The only source of confidence you ever manage to have is when you're all covered up or directly after a workout. It's not like you're a slob or anything, you don't even understand how you've managed to gain weight. Even so, the flat out disgust you feel about yourself is clear as day.

Pacing around some more, you paused as you watched you dog come running in the room, barking and being obnoxious as ever. "What do you want, boy?" You giggle as you questioned your dog. You and your boyfriend, Chris, recently adopted him from an animal shelter. He was a great way to distract you from your insecurities. You could hear his subtle panting as he made attempts to jump up onto the lifted queen sized bed.

"Oh come here..." You laugh as you pick him up, placing him carefully onto the bed. He must've been over heated from being out in the other room. Your bedroom, the one you share with your boyfriend, is the only room with AC throughout all of the apartment. It was also micro sized so it got cold quickly.

His tounge was out as he rolled around on the bed, his hair shedding & sticking onto it. "Oh whose a good boy?" You snicker, plopping down on the bed beside him but right as you did, you watched as your rolls folded, you felt even more insecure now. This is exactly why you feel better being all covered up. You can't even escape it, not at home, not anywhere. Huffing out softly, you rub your temple firmly, you could just feel the eventual headache coming in.

You remember how you used to not care so much about your body. Hell, once upon a time you've been bigger than this and even now, you aren't even able to be considered chubby. But your mind doesn't allow you to have that positive mindset. Overthinking is a bitch. The only person whose ever there to reassure you is your boyfriend but even then, it's hard believing it, he's just saying that because he's obligated too. Does he not find you gross as well? He has too.

You stared down at your stomach, watching as the two rolls poked out. If you stood up, it wasn't as bad, actually, it was more bearable, but even then it was still upsetting to witness. But sitting down? It was just 100x worse. What haunts you even further is the fact your boyfriend works for the BSAA, all sorts of fit & attractive women work there, like his friend Jill, does he find her more attractive? Does he check her out without knowing? Was this all just deep down a fear of Chris not finding you appealing anymore?

Snapping you out of your trance, your dog barked loudly as your iPhone, which was resting on the entertainment center in front of you began to ring. "Oh just relax, boy." You whisper to your pup, giving him numerous smooches on the head before pushing yourself off of the bed and back onto your small feet. Your phone showed an icon of you & Chris together with formal attire on, that's how you knew it was him. It was his ID photo in your contacts.

Picking your phone up, you accepted the call and put it on speaker. "Hi." You calmly spoke out, waiting from a response on his end. "Hey princess, I'm on my way home now, I was able to clock out early today." Chris said with a loving tone, his voice also sort of distant due to the loud traffic in the background. "Oh, that's good baby, how far are you from home?" "I'd say like ten minutes." He answered your question. "How's the pup doing?" "Great, he's on our bed right now, just loving the AC." You snort out, petting him as you climbed back onto the bed.

A cackle releases from Chris as he hears what you said. "That's good. I'm glad he's settling in well. How are you doing, baby?" He asks, his tone gentle. Chris always makes sure you're okay, it's like he has senses to know when you aren't. "I'm fine, kind of hungry though." "Oh, want me to stop somewhere? I'll get you whatever you'd like." You think about his offer for a second before knowing you had to turn it down. No need to eat for the rest of the day. "No, I'm okay." "Hmm, I'm sure babe." Chris snickers - he can tell you're lying through your teeth.

"But anyways, I'll be home soon babygirl." "Sounds good... I love you." "Love you too baby." Chris cooed before you then ended the call. It was short & sweet. It was 3 PM, you could definitely live without eating for the rest of the day. Maybe you'll even be able to get another work out in. In your head, not eating yet working out will do you just good. It'll help you. Although, whenever you Google whether or not that's a smart strategy, you're just given links to eating disorder websites.

You aren't sure if whether or not you have an ED, your wellness doctor has told you there's a chance, but you feel as though you eat fine enough. It's just some day's are harder than other's. But that's normal. Chris even tells you that he doesn't think you do suffer from one but if you did, he'd help you recover every step of the way. He's really a great boyfriend. He's always there for you. You honestly couldn't have asked for someone better - someone better than him doesn't even exist.

Your dog continuously licked and nipped at you, he was a hyper boy. You were happy with the fact Chris was on board with getting one. You also never knew until recently that your apartment complex allows cat's & dog's. "Oh, you're such a good boy!" You praised him, his tail wagged at an even faster rate now. "Aww, look at you." You muttered to him, your face close to his as he'd occasionally slurp at your face. "Crazy pup." You giggled before lastly getting off of the bed, leaving him by himself to play.

You ambled back over to the mirror in your bedroom, it was long & skinny, it was what you dreamt to be. Chris bought it for you this past Christmas. It wasn't meant to look at and see someone you're ashamed of but to look into it and check yourself out, do your make up and he's put it to use in other ways as well... But, you're appreciative that he bought it, you just wish that every time you passed by it, you wouldn't feel sick to your stomach.

Rolling your eyes, you snatched the white, fuzzy blanket off of your bed and tossed it onto the mirror, that way you wouldn't see yourself as you pass by anymore. It worked. After doing that though, you strolled out of your bedroom and into the kitchen, which was close by, it wasn't that big of an apartment. You used to never care about what you ate & drank but that's different now. You grabbed an ice cold water from the fridge, the feeling of it's coolness on your hand was refreshing. You cannot wait for this heat wave to go away.

Twisting the cap off, you could the crackle as the seal broke. That sound was always satisfying. You took a few teeny tiny sips before putting the bottle back into the door of the fridge. It felt good, the cold liquid seeping down your throat. You felt more hungry now, the last time you ate was earlier this morning and with that, all you even ate was toast with berries. That was enough to get you through the day though. You were gonna be just fine.

"Come out here!" You shouted out to your dog, wanting him to come snuggle with you whilst chilling on the couch. You loved to utilize your living room, you'd sit out there for hour's on end. Chris isn't like that as much. Once he's out of work, he either takes a shower, eats or goes into their bedroom for the rest of the day. You don't blame him though, he's a hard working man and if he wants to relax, then he may do so. You work too, just not at a job like his. It is a lot different. His is way more tough to manage.

Jumping onto the couch, you could hear the sound of your dog's little legs running out to the living room. "Hey buddy!" You chuckled, lifting him up and putting him next to you on the couch. You grabbed the quilt and placed it beside you, making it into a comfy little spot for him to nuzzle into. You wanted to just sit and wind down before Chris gets home. You'll probably cook dinner for him. You don't know what excuse you'll use when you tell him you can't eat.

As you were still sitting in the same spot, on your iPhone, you heard the sound of the doorknob being twiddled with, you knew Chris home for the night. You felt a surge of warmth within you as the door open and you seen him standing in the doorway, he was still in uniform and he looked so handsome. Chris's eyes trailed up to you as he stuck the house key into his jean pocket. "Hey baby." Chris smiled at you, closing the door and wandering over to you. "Hi." You articulated hushly, standing up and holding your arms out.

Chris wrapped his arms around your lower waist, sighing deeply into the crook of your neck. His breath was hot against it but you didn't mind, you were just happy he was finally home with you. "I missed you." Chris whispered, kissing the side of your head as he pulled away from the hug. "Missed you too." You said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "Are you okay?" Chris raised the question to you, concern on his face. "Just tired babe, you know how it is." You reassured him, your arms crossed against your chest. "If you say so." Chris snickered out, his hand going to your cheek & holding it as he gave you a loving, brisk kiss.

"What's that?" You asked as Chris set his bag down and pulled out a paper bag, you couldn't read what it said on it. "It's food, for us, for dinner." Chris said with a tranquil voice as he unbagged it. "Oh... But I told you I wasn't hungry." "Yeah, but you lied." Chris laughed, presenting the bag to her. It was one of your's & his favorites, chicken wings from the local bar. "I wasn't lying. I ate this morning." "Honey, it's almost four now, you're going to it dinner soon." Chris demanded but not meanly, rather lovingly.

You weren't going to fight back. You weren't going to say no to him. You'd probably just have to say you are sick or say you'll eat later. Of course he had to pick up chicken wings from the best spot in town. He knows you've been craving them recently. He's only trying to do good for you but eating like this won't be good. You exhaled shakily before speaking up, "I don't feel very well, do you really think wings will help that?" "Eating will. What's going on with you babygirl?" "Nothing Chris, I think I'm just tired." "Ok babe." Chris mumbled out. He seemed off now. You felt bad for how you got.

Chris placed their food onto the coffee table, along with placing his bag on the couch. He was planning to take a shower but now he was unsure. He was worried about you. He has no recollection of what's going on with you. "You in the mood to take a shower?" "Not right now baby, I was thinking of just laying in bed for awhile." "I wouldn't mind laying in bed with you." Chris smirked and set his hands onto your hips, instantly you felt insecure. Could he tell how chubby you were? You didn't want him to feel your stomach.

You stepped away but very moderately so he wouldn't notice that you didn't wanna have him touch you there. It felt so weird. Being scared of having your own boyfriend touch you, it wasn't something you were used to. Chris didn't catch on, instead he gave you another fast kiss before turning around and convoying towards your guy's shared bedroom. You followed behind him, just wanted to at least be near him.

"So, I'll take you up on that offer of laying in bed." Chris chortled, gazing behind him at you as he entered the bedroom. "I don't mind." You giggled, teasing him right back. It was apart of your guy's love language. Studying the room, Chris took notice of the thick blanket wrapped around the mirror. It confused him. "Why is there a blanket on your mirror?" He questioned you, taking the blanket off of it and throwing it back onto your bed. "I put it there to fix the bed and I never put it back, my bad." You spoke with a blue tone.

Chris stood there, a plain stare as he did so. "You know, I'm not dumb baby." Chris said softly, his hands on his midriff. "What do you mean?" "There's something going on with you, tell me babygirl." Chris pleaded with you, stepping over to you and setting his hands on your hips, this time you didn't move away. There was a ball in your throat, a spiky & round ball. Not literally, but it sure as hell felt like it. It was like barbed wire was surrounding your neck.

"It's really nothing, I'm okay." You insisted but Chris wasn't having it. With both hands, he pulled you closer to him, sliding his left hand up to your face, caressing it carefully. "Talk to me." Chris whispered to you, pressing his forehead to yours. Chris felt like something serious had happened. You think the last thing he imagines is wrong is your own personal insecurities.

"Do you think my body is unattractive? Do you think I'm too big or something?" You asked him, looking down at your feet, you weren't wearing any socks, your toe nails recently got done, no shame in showing them off. "What? Are you being serious princess?" Chris wondered, now both of his hands were running your warm felt cheeks. "Yes, it's a serious question." "Babygirl, I think your body is the most attractive thing in the world. You're so beautiful. Where is this coming from?" He praised you, it made you feel so good on the inside.

You didn't say anything for a good bit. You honestly didn't know what to say. Deep down, there were many reasons. Your mind didn't allow you to live your body for what it was. Not only that, you fear Chris finds the women at work to be more fit & good looking than you. He always reassures you it's the opposite and that he doesn't find any other women even remotely attractive. It's the most heartbreaking feeling, that your partner doesn't find you beautiful anymore.

"I was looking at myself in the mirror today and realized my body isn't how it was when we first started dating. I've gained weight... Not a lot but some..." You explained, it felt so uplifting to get it off your chest. Chris gazed at you and released a quiet snort as he listened to what you were saying. "I think it's so damn sexy that you've gained weight, you're treating it like you're obese or something and even if you were, I'd be here to help you and to take care of you, like any good boyfriend should." Chris told her, playing with her hair somewhat.

"Is this what's been on your mind all day? Your weight? Baby, you're literally breathtaking." He expressed to you, his sweet brown eyes set on your's. "I don't know..." You said with hesitation. "Oh but I know." He reassured you. "What can I do to prove to you I'm right and the wrong?" Chris snickered, letting go of your blushed face. "Nothing... I'll just have to get over it." You complained, rubbing your eyes as if you blind yourself from your body.

"Don't cover the mirror up ever again. You're the most beautiful woman in the world." Chris spoke, stern in his tone. "Come here." Chris mumbled out as he pulled you into a deep & passionate kiss. His hands pulling you into him from your lower back. "Don't talk badly about my girl." Chris chuckled into the kiss, his lips rapid against yours. "Promise me you won't baby." "I promise." You said, you didn't know if you fully meant it or not.

His hands roamed all over your body. Did he truly admire you? Was he being truthful? You hope so. His hands found their way to your ass as he squeezed his hands on it firmly, grunting into the longful kiss. "Mmm." You whimpered, your hands placed on his chest as you randomly scrunched your hands onto his tight shirt. It was a full-on make out now. You didn't mind though. "Chris..." You whispered as his lips trailed from your yearning lips and onto your thin jawline.

"Hmm?" He hummed out, his soothing lips marking their territory on your face. "I want you..." You whispered out, your hands slowly slithering down his chest, to his abs then to his belt. He was wearing a brown leather belt, it was apart of his work gear. "You want me to fuck you?" He panted out, stopping his repeated kisses for now. "Mhm." "I'll fuck you so hard right now if you just tell me it's what you want." He paused, "I'll do anything for you." Chris noted.

"I want you, I want you to fuck me." You begged of him, kissing him again, inhaling harshly whilst doing so. Chris lifted you up by your thighs, his ripped arms grasping them. A surprised gasp emitted from you as a giggled did too. "I'm gonna show you just how much I love you and your entire body. Every single part of it." Him saying that made your core soak, he really knew what to say. He made you feel so much better. He was so fucking perfect. "You're perfect." You uttered out as you brought your arms around his neck.

You could feel the wetness from your center soaking through your panties. You didn't know how he always managed to get you like this. The arousal you feel currently is immense and all you want more than anything is for him to rail the ever living life out of you. As he held you close, Chris layed you down on the bed gently, making sure you didn't get hurt in the process. He was rough, but not rough enough to actually injure you. Your head hit the soft, silk pillow, it felt comfortable.

Chris pulled away from your body slowly, his hand going to his belt and unbuckling it. The entire time he did that, he looked at you dead in the eyes, it felt extremely intimate. "Can't believe you think badly of yourself... Just look at you..." Chris said with pure love. He spoke from the heart. His heart told the truth. He genuinely loves you more than anything, even if you'll never know that. He slipped his belt out through the loops of his jeans, tossing it onto the wooden floor swiftly before drawing his body back on top of yours.

You stroked his cheeks softly, his scruff running against your thin fingers. You felt his big hands trail down your body and down to your shorts, his thumbs latching onto the elastic waistband. "Already?" You questioned, wondering why he wasn't going to start with foreplay. You don't know why but the feeling of when he teases you makes it so when he fucks you so much better. "Sorry baby, I just can't wait." He snickered, he pulled off your shorts which ended with your legs being spread open to his liking.

The underwear you were wearing had lacey trim on it, it wasn't a thong, you'd never wear one. "Cute." Chris complimented them, giving you a playful smirk before bringing himself back down to you, pressing his lips against yours in a heated kiss. You opened your mouth slightly and moaned as you felt his tounge slip into it, exploring your mouth and taking control of it. You also felt his right hand glide down between yours legs but he hadn't done anything yet.

Both of your hands went to his back, reaching down and ripping off his shirt speedily. You loved his body. Hopefully just as much as he loved yours. Chris allowed you take off his shirt, his lower half then his upper half being revealed. The sunlight from outside of the window beamed on him, it made him look even sexier, especially when it'd shine into his brown eyes, he was so handsome, it was overwhelming.

Your nails lightly trailed down his front, feeling his pecks was like heaven. The tiny amount of chest hair was so attractive too, his facial hair overall was a turn on. The feeling of his scruff on your dripping cunt whenever he eats you out is enough to bring your orgasm closer. Just thinking about it makes you wanna ride his face. Your guy's tongues were in a dance battle as you made out. You wrapped your legs around his waist, making it so he couldn't move away at all.

"You dirty girl..." Chris chuckled, towing his mouth away from yours, it made you pout a bit. Chris lifted his boy up slightly and slid his hand to your crotch as two of his fingers found their way to your clit. "Shit." You mumbled dully, biting your lip as he rubbed circles on it. He could most definitely feel how fucking soaked you were. It was too much. You couldn't help it though. Chris was just something else. "Does that feel good?" "Mhm." You whimpered out, opening your legs a teeny bit more, your mouth gapped out as whiny noises came out from it.

As he fondled your clit, you couldn't help but begin to breath heavier. The way he'd rub it fast then more slow was painful, you just wanted release but then again, it felt so good. "You're so beautiful. I don't know how you can't see that." Chris's coos to you meant everything. The way he'd talk about you made you feel affirmed. "Fuck." You groaned, your nails digging into his back which only nudged him to pleasure you faster.

Whilst he was pleasing you, he gazed into your eyes with thirst. Oh you could just tell he wanted you. No. He needed you. Even Chris was getting pleasure out of this despite not being the one getting pleased. "Go faster." You whined out, your legs wobbling as you focused on the sensational feeling he was providing you. When you requested him to do it quicker, he obliged, now using three fingers to stroke your clit, causing your thick hips to buck up. "Oh!" You shrieked out, an adorable giggle coming out as well.

"Chris... Oh it feels so nice." You keened, biting your lip and throwing your head back as he stroked you perfectly. "You're so wet for me." Chris praised, "You're doing so good." He went on, kissing your pretty little neck as he slowed down on the rubbing, he could tell you were getting close due to your mannerisms. "I'm gonna cum." You muttered out to him, you were practically riding his fingers at this point. "Hold out a little bit longer princess, I know you can do it." Chris mumbled against your neck, licking up it before planting gentle kisses behind your pristine ear.

"My sweet girl." Chris said with a drowsy tone as he kissed your ear lobe then pecked you numerous times back down to your collarbone all while still smoothly rubbing you. You could feel your wetness dripping from your center and down your ass, onto the sheets, you two were definitely going to have to remake your bed for the second time today. Wasn't a problem though, cause & effect is a real thing.

Chris caressed your clit at light speed now, he just wanted to see you unfold, to see you lose your sense of reality. "C'mon babygirl... You can do it..." He tittered, staring at you as you squeezed your eyes shut. "No, no, no, look at me." He demanded, using his free hand to grab a hold of your chin sternly. You opened your eyes and gazed back at him, shaky breaths were all that was heard as your orgasm came up from deep within you. It felt so spectacular.

You moaned loudly as your climax hit an all time high. You rode out your high, riding Chris's three fingers as you orgasmed. As you came, Chris fondled your tits, squeezing them and rubbing them, you could feel his erection pressed against your bare thigh. "Fuck Chris." You gasped out, your breath lost as you panted over & over again. His fingers manage to work wonders on you each time he fingers your nub.

"You did so well babygirl, good job." Chris leered, leaning down and giving you a simple smooch. "But I'm not done with you yet." He laughed sincerely before flipping you onto your stomach. It wasn't totally unexpected but you figured he would just fuck you in missionary, this was an amazing surprise. "Oh." You giggled seductively, not even allowing him to pull you up as you set yourself in doggy style instantly, your ass pressed against his manhood. "That's my good girl." Chris chuckled, fondling your ass carefully.

From behind you, you could hear the sound of him unzipping his jeans and pulling them down alongside his underwear too. Your bare ass was already ready for him, the feeling of him inside you was going to be exlierating. Your arms held you up as they rested on the pillows, Chris will hold onto you too, he always does. You could feel his hard length frequently touch your rear, you knew he was ready for you.

"You ready sweetheart?" Chris asked you, wanting consent. His hands were already on your waist, it felt like he was also gripping onto your tank top. "Yes baby." You responded, moving your ass on his pelvic area. You could hear a grunt from Chris as he held onto his cock before he then swiped it up and down through your wetness. This caused you to sigh softly, his tip went over your sensitive clit. "Oh." You moaned into your arms, your head lifted above the pillows.

Chris held onto you tightly as he pushed himself into you, you could feel all of him, it felt never ending. "Oh babygirl." Chris groaned out, his fingers digging into your waist as his member was now buried deep inside of you. He began to thrust in & out of you carefully, taking in all the pleasure he was receiving from it. "You're so tight princess." He praised you. Chris was obsessed with how you felt around him. The way your core clenched, it was like your cunt was made for him.

He pumped himself out of you, basically pulling all the way out before slamming himself back in, ending up with you moaning into the pillow. He wasted no time with this. His right hand slid up your back and held onto the back of your neck, as if he was mounting you. He slammed himself into you over and over, and over again. You could hear muffled grunts & moans coming from Chris, he was enjoying this just as much, if not more, than you.

Going from slow and cautious to rough and passionate, you couldn't tell what his next move was going to be. You could feel yourself grip around him, were you already close again? That dick has some power to it. "My beautiful girl." Chris boasted out from behind you, his front hitting your ass roughly whenever he'd slide back into you with ease. Your wetness was like it's own lubrication. You two rarely ever had to use the real stuff, that's how wet you tend to get for him. He just does something to you that's indescribable.

His hand moved up to your head now, his fine fingers running through your hair. You knew what he was going to do, it was just a matter of when. Now, all that was able to be heard was your skin slapping together and your wetness squelching each time he fucked into your sopping cunt. "Keep taking it babygirl." Chris stated as he continued to fuck into you, his strokes turning into long & deep thrusts.

As he slowed down, his hand dug into your hair, lifting your head up as he officially sped up. "Oh fuck..." You moaned out hushly as he dug his free hand into your stomach. All he was doing was admiring you & your divine body. He was still appalled with how you were talking about yourself earlier. He genuinely finds you to be the sexiest woman to ever roam the planet Earth. You are his world.

"You're so fucking hot." He grunted out, his voice husky. You realized he was almost at his breaking point. You could feel his cock twitching and squeaming inside of you. You could just imagine how much he was pulsating. Your clit still felt like it was. Each one of his fingers held onto thick strands of your hair as he thrusted into you at a crazy pace. "Says you." You stifled out, your freshly manicured nails going hog wild on the bedsheets.

Switching from just grasping strands of your hair, Chris let go for a millisecond before using his entire hand to grab a full fist of your hair, resulting in your back arching even further. "Oh yeah." Chris panted, his left hand smacking your rear, not too hard though, he still feels bad for how rough he was last time...

"Chris, I'm so close." You winced out to him, attempting to look back at him but his hand wasn't allowing you as it just kept you in place. "I know princess, I know. Me too." Chris grumbled, heavy heaving emitted from his throat. Chris unburied his hand in your hair and swiftly convoyed it to the front of your neck, choking you lightly as he moved into you again, this thrust was your complete & utter undoing, your second orgasm of the day.

You gripped the sheets so hard, your knuckles turned white. You felt your core clench around him in an instant. Your stomach felt like it was burning with pure passion & lust. "Oh fuck me, oh my God." You moaned out, practically screaming. Chris's hand immediately covered your mouth, your eyes widening. "Jesus baby, you wanna get people to hear you?" Chris chortled, slowing down but still giving you pressed movements. He was about to nut.

"Fuck babygirl." Chris exclaimed as he released inside of you. His cum dropped from your cunt and onto the bed, you lathered his dick in it too. "Oh my Gosh." You soughed, plopping onto the bed like a ragdoll after Chris pulled out of you, laying right beside you. "You were fucking amazing." Chris snickered as he grabbed you, nestling his head into the crook of your neck and suckling on it. "So were you." You whispered, tossing your hand up to the top of his head, messing with his fluffy hair.

He kissed down your shoulder all while making eye contact with you. "Don't ever talk badly about your body. I just fucked the life out of you, I wouldn't do that if I didn't find you to be beautiful." He assured you, leaning up & kissing your nose with calmness. You grabbed ahold of the blanket that was once on the mirror and covered the two of you up with it as you placed your head onto his chest. "Thank you honey." You expressed, trailing your finger tips along the lines of his abs. "Always beautiful." He mumbled, kissing the top of your head, chuckling at your now frizzy hair.

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