#and he cannot comprehend that i genuinely like it. i can't understand how he can hate it so much

[vorareromantic]

yeah fuck ai and fuck deepfakes however someone needs to deepfake biden saying half the shit that trump says and watch the maga cult lose their minds about how they were "always right"

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

quick question- I was a bit confused in some dialogue during book 1 lol 😭😭 It’s during the later chapters when riddle has collared both ace and deuce after they’ve challenged him for his seat. More specifically, the part where yuu calls riddle out for his behavior (rightfully so) and he responds by insulting them and their parents I believe?

The confusion stems from aceyuu shippers (just wanted to clarify I’m not self shipping lmao) where they say ace ends up punching riddle because he’s explicitly defending yuu’s honor or whatever but i also see other people (non-shippers) who say ace punched riddle because he insulted ace and/or deuce’s parents? Im not quite sure which one it is and went back in the actual game to check but i feel like the wording of riddle’s insults is a bit vague? Idk, maybe im just being a bit of a dum dum and can’t properly comprehend the scene even though it’s quite simple. I feel like it’s also just because i see a lot of people saying different stuff and just wanted to hear your thoughts on it if that’s okay?

I just feel like you really understand both the story and characters in that regard haha

P.S. your posts r genuinely very informative and helpful especially for people like me who kinda have no media literacy (not in a negative way!!) pls keep up the good work you’re rlly great at it <333

Hmmm, I see 🤔

Before I get to responding to this question, I want to preface this with a few disclaimers! Firstly, I do not mean to invalidate or detract from Ace x Yuu shippers or anyone who may interpret their relationship as romantic. You should ship what you like and have fun doing it. My reply aims to be more objective, but that should NOT impede on your enjoyment or whatever it is you choose to ship. Secondly, for those who don’t ship Ace x Yuu, I will be discussing the pairing later on in this post, so please keep this in mind.

Let's first look at how the game and how it depicts the scene. This occurs in 1-22, shortly after Riddle collars Ace and Deuce in their duel for the dorm leader seat. With his victory secured, Riddle begins to gloat about how this is proof that he is "the most correct". At this point, Yuu/the player character is granted two dialogue options:

If you choose "But that's not right!", Riddle replies with, "I am the one who decides what is wrong and right! What sort of pitiful education have you received, that you cannot follow such simple rules?"

If you choose "You can't just use rules to do whatever you please!", then Riddle replies with, "If there were no penalties, no one would follow the rules. I have to wonder what sort of pitiful education left you unable to comprehend so simple a concept."

However, no matter which dialogue option you choose, Riddle continues on to say, "Clearly, you were born to parents with no great magical capability. And as a result... You lack even the basic education necessary to attend a school such as this. It's quite sad."

Deuce becomes upset after hearing this--but before he is able to act, Ace is already on his feet and manages to deck his dorm leader in the face.

Based on the fact that Riddle seems to react to something that Yuu says, the framing here implies that the "you" Riddle is using refers to them specifically. As you can see above, both Ace and Deuce take offense to what Riddle says, but it is Ace that acts preemptively and attacks Riddle for his rudeness. This is what Ace x Yuu shippers will point to as a defining moment in their relationship (though, to be clear, this scene can definitely also be interpreted as platonic!!).

… Buuut it’s not completely clear that Riddle is explicitly directing any and all insults towards Yuu and Yuu alone, even if Yuu was the one to prompt his tirade. Due to the visual novel style format of the game, we have limited assets to base our interpretations off of, so going by the game alone may not be entirely accurate to what is happening in this scene. For example, we don't know how the characters are oriented relative to one another. It's possible that Riddle responds to Yuu's dialogue and then turns away to berate Yuu, Ace, and Deuce for their stupidity, since all three of them are, in his eyes, rule-breakers. We simply cannot tell due to the constraints of a visual novel. Let’s consult the manga adaptation and see how that presents 1-22.

In the Episode of Heartslabyul, the framing of the panels centers Riddle and Adeuce; Yuuken is not involved whatsoever. (On a prior page, all Yuuken remarks on is how fast Riddle is able to cast his spell; Yuuken has no lines similar to game!Yuu’s earlierdialogue options.) Riddle stands imposing over his opponents and rants at Ace and Deuce about their lack of an education. You can see that it really strikes a nerve with Deuce (whom we learned used to be a delinquent prior to NRC). This still results in Yuu punching Riddle.

The manga seems to imply that Riddle is not insulting Yuu, but rather Adeuce. This makes sense to me, given that though all of them are rebels to Heartslabyul’s strict rules, Adeuce are the two who most directly challenge his authority.

You can see in a close-up panel that Deuce is gritting his teeth and trying to hold himself back from going at Riddle. The text in that panel involves the mention of parents who cannot use magic—which just so happens to be true of Deuce’s mother. The same mother that he worked so hard to make proud of, the mother he turned over a new leaf for. But again, it’s Ace that gets the hit in. Why is that?

Let’s check out our final source, the first volume of the light novel. On pages 319 and 320:

Riddle very clearly states “And as for you two.” This clearly refers to the fallen Ace and Deuce. He then unleashes his barrage of insults at them. Again, not at Yuu, but at Ace and Deuce. The text even goes on to remind us that Deuce would be especially rattled by Riddle’s words because of how he had come to NRC for the sake of his mom. In this version, we see our Yuu (Yuuya) being more involved by trying to keep Deuce from lashing out. Like in the game, however, Ace still gets in that punch on his dorm leader.

Okay, so… The game, manga, and light novels are different iterations of the same base story. Based on which you consume, you could walk away with an entirely different understanding of the scene in question. The game, being the most interactive medium with a self-insert main character, a gacha game which makes $$$ from endearing the characters to us, has the set-up which is most conducive for yumeshipping and thus making the player feel beloved and important in 1-22. This is obvious if you also consider that many fanservicey lines from other parts of the game (such as Ace wanting to sleep in Yuu’s room) being left out of the manga. It's also entirely possible that Riddle first reacts to what Yuu says, and THEN shifts his attention to address the group rather than just Yuu. The manga, with a more standoffish and level-headed Yuu, doesn’t speak up like game!Yuu does, so Riddle instead directly insults Ace and Deuce. The light novel, which features a timid and non-confrontational Yuu, is focused on deescalating the situation. And, like the manga, the light novel is NOT interactive and so it doesn’t need to concern itself with making the player feel special. Riddle isn’t mandated to acknowledge Yuu; he can instead be mad at Ace and Deuce all he likes.

If we were to combine information from across the game, manga, and light novel to decipher what is “truly” happening, here’s how I see it!

The light novel contains a scene exclusive to it on pages 176 and 177. As Ace is making himself comfortable at Ramshackle, he formally apologizes to Yuuya for being mean to him in the prologue. Ace explains that his meanness was because he thought that Yuuya had bullied his way to be admitted to NRC under special circumstances. “[…] the rest of us had to work our butts off to get in, and you just sorta walked in.” He proclaims that this was unfair, so it annoyed him.

This makes a lot of sense for Ace’s character. In book 7 of the main story, he expresses that he is insecure about being an ordinary mage and that he hadn’t even developed his UM yet. (Coincidentally, he has a Chat where he praises the Queen of Hearts for having no special magic but still being able to make it big—perhaps because her circumstances remind Ace of himself?) He calls himself lame and pathetic, someone who is always looking for an excuse to take the easy way out. This is in spite of the bravado he puts on and how he often brags about being better or smarter than Deuce (most notably in book 5). If we believe the light novel dialogue, Ace worked hard to get invited to NRC. He has pride in earning this, and he has something to prove while he is there. Recall that his older brother is an alumnus of the school, and that his own father is a magicless human. Ace canonically has a good relationship with both of these family members and often bonds with them through little things like card trick competitions. When Riddle insults Ace's background... he is also insulting Ace's brother and father. He is also insulting all the effort Ace put forth to get into NRC in the first place. Ace would of course lose it--especially when he has been the primary victim of Riddle's rage for most of book 1. He's the first to be collared, the one who had to apologize and attempted to make an apology tart (which got rejected). Bro's fed UP having to bend the knee to a tyrant and sick of watching everyone else do the same. The punch that comes out of it seems to me like the result of all Ace's pent-up frustrations, as well as his own fury at Riddle speaking ill of him and his family.

While Ace is unquestionably willing to ride or die for Yuu in books 4 (he takes a long public transit route from the Queendom to Sage's Island after receiving a SOS text from them) and 6 (he tries to protect his friends from Ferrymen)... I think book 1's a bit too early for him to be SO loyal to Yuu that he'd get this angry on their behalf and sock Riddle. (Book 1 takes place during the first week of school; Ace seems to have only known Yuu for a few days at this point + hasn't really hung out with them besides sleeping over at Ramshackle since he's not allowed back at Heartslabyul.) His punch definitely feels fueled by a bunch of other things rather than being extremely motivated to defend Yuu's honor. I think maybe a case could be made for the game specifically, since that's the only version where Yuu is potentially addressed rather than Ace and Deuce being addressed. However, this does take some extrapolation. You'd have to assume that Ace is actually very attached to Yuu this early on or pair it with the idea that Ace is sensitive about magicless humans in general being discriminated against because of his own father being magicless (ie Ace was insulted by proxy, even if Riddle might have aimed the comments at Yuu). Not sure if the latter argument holds up very well though, considering that Ace himself did discriminate against Yuu in the prologue because they lacked magic. Likewise, he doesn't get mad for Fellow and Gidel in Playful Land when they share about being looked down on for not being magically inclined. But hey, maybe that was just Ace being in denial and acting contrary in order to cope with his own complicated feelings on the topic. He’s been known to behave like this anyway, acting cocky despite having no UM and denying that Yuu would go home (even though we later find out he deeply does not wish for this to happen).

I definitely think that many of the game-exclusive lines and content are there as fanservice for the players, who are encouraged to project or to self-insert as Yuu. Ace in particular is one of the characters who gets a ton of this kind of yumejoshi bait-y stuff. Everyone has it to some extent, but Ace is one of the rare few who has several pretty overt instances in the main story (whereas most other characters have their fanservice content relegated to voice lines and maybe some events). On top of this scene (which could potentially read as "Ace defending Yuu's honor"), we have: multiple instances of Ace offering to share a room/bed with Yuu (once in book 1, again in book 3), he has shared his number with Yuu and invites them to call him if they "miss him", Ace's entire book 7 dream revolving around a reality in which Yuu is able to freely traverse between Twisted Wonderland and their original world (furthermore, he is the ONLY dreamer we have seen in which Yuu is involved in the dream), etc. Ace is also known to frequently tease Yuu, and, on top of having several voice lines inviting them to hang out, is actually shown hanging out with them and caring about them in various vignettes and events. For example, he has movie nights with Yuu (Idia's Labwear vignettes), asks for their opinion on whether or not he looks the part to woo the Ghost Bride, rides roller coasters with them in Playful Land while previously complaining that his ex-girlfriend wouldn’t, and worries for where Yuu might be (Endless Halloween Night). With this abundance of Ace and Yuu content, I can see why people that have the shipping goggles on--and even those who don't--might interpret early scenes as Ace acting out for Yuu's sake, be it romantically or platonically. More objectively speaking and when considering the manga + light novel though, I don't think I personally read 1-22 that way. I enjoy Ace as a character and I support Ace x Yuu shippers, but the evidence and context suggests that he's venting other frustrations to me.

Again though, this is just my interpretation. Feel free to use this information however you’d like and come to your own conclusion.

[bamsara]

Howdy! I just want to take a moment (or two…or three..yeah this is longer than I thought it would be) to talk about your characterization of Narinder in your TRoD fanfic, specifically his grievance over what he perceived the lamb to be and betrayel.

I like to think Narinder repeatedly calling Lambert a traitor (I think at least once a chapter actually lmaoo) over and over, is trying not so subtly to avoid thinking about the why behind the betrayel and the pain that comes with it. Especially since he'd already spent an eternity wondering about the previous betrayal of his siblings. How emotionally torturous it must feel to be in this cycle of rejection, from the people he depended on, even now from his own followers who don't recognize him. And then, when he and Lambert finally appear to be on the same page about something, Lambert goes and spares Leshy, reminding Narinder once again that his divine commands hold as much weight on the Lamb as they will decide to hold.

It isn't up to Narinder to decide how the lamb will act, as much as he wants to. It's one thing for Narinder to have people listening to him, but it's another to actually be heard, and after an eternity of silence during his imprisonment he's absolutely desperate for some form of control and impact. For someone to truly hear him. Which is a shame, because Lambert does, but Narinder cannot recognize it since they don't always give Narinder what he wants (since being a God is all about what you want), and instead are more interested in giving him what he needs.

I assume at this point, after being revived into a mortal form, he's actively given up on trying to understand why everyone just keeps "betraying/rejecting him" and would rather use his own inferences of their behavior as explanation, once again, for that feeling of control, since he's utterly mortified of hearing those words come from their mouths instead of his own (doesn't help that he can actually read minds either). He'd rather kill his siblings than hear the why (not saying the siblings were justified ofc, but understanding one's motivations is, y'know, important to effectively communicating with them in a way that's healthy) Despite needing to be heard, he's internalized that many won't bother listening unless he has control over them in some way, like he did before when he was powerful. When he mutilated his siblings, had Lambert create a cult in his name, being heard isn't just an emotional or mental aspect to his wellbeing, but is literally part of his power as well.

He was/is a God, he's used to followers prostrating themselves just to hear the time of day, giving their all to listen, hear, and follow him. It's why he struggles to separate the aspects that are ingrained in a follower, from those who are a friend. Unless they're also God he can't comprehend much of a difference, and expects them to be of the same or similar standing. He was friends with Lambert when he was Godly, yes, but he still saw himself as above Lambert, and expected them to lay down their life to him like a follower would. Yes, Narinder didn't want to cut them out of his own life in their death, but still expected them to just..die for him. He didn't ***just*** see Lambert as a friend, he saw them as a friend that was also his follower. An exceptional follower he loved, but not an exception. There was a power imbalance that Lambert now sees.

It's why Narinder's utterly baffled and offended, fearful even, at Lambert, someone he deemed as "traitorous", investing their time into still trying to talk to him..listen to him.. for virtually no gain…at his lowest point...when he himself is now "lesser".

Narinder tries so hard to not become invested in those he deems as "lesser" or "traitors" but its near fucking impossible, because like it or not, his desires and needs are so inherently mortal and genuine (desire for power, companionship, love, understanding, control, etc) that if he doesn't close himself off, he may have to face falling into the same pit of disappointment and failed expectations he fell in with Lambert/his siblings once again. So he doesn't, and hides away in his shack until Lambert comes knocking.

And now, as the cherry on top of this emotionally constipated bundle of angsty cat woes, he has to live and breathe as the very thing he deemed as "lesser". Being forced to invest in these mortal needs, now that they're a necessary component to his survival. This is also why I believe he goes on these little crusades with Lambert in the first place as well. Not only because they return to him a sense of routine and normalcy (also pining, coughocoughghhrbogh who said that?), but also because it allows Narinder to forget about investing in his own wellbeing for a while.

He was a God, he didn't have to go through the work it took to just do your laundry, eat, brush your teeth, or take care of yourself since he never had to. The thrill of adventure and battle, the adrenaline rush of near-death experiences, can't hold a candle to the mundanity of work. So when he's not crusading, he just..sleeps..wanders around..the fact he's not socially accepted by his own followers doesn't encourage him either. I mean fuck, he such a complete wreck after Lambert spared Leshy, he crusaded and neglected his health for so long he passed out.

His life is all work now, investing in himself, in others, being forced to have his ego get knocked down a few pegs, and care again despite how much it hurts. None of these things are "given", Lambert's love is not just given (as in, blindly follow) and that's what I believe will be an eventual "eureka" moment for him.

Living is work, but it's worth working for

He ain't hot shit anymore, but that's ok.

Anyway, sorry for the long-winded ramble this was all actually just a very roundabout and ineffective ploy for me to talk about how I relate the song "Don't Speak" by No Doubt, to your Narinder's character. Happy belated New Year, hope you're doing well. :]

LKSDHGKLSDHGD HELLO. This is such a well articulated analyzation of Narinder holy moly, I hope you don't mind me answering this with not much to add on because WOW I'm really vibing with your takes on him and I wanted the world to read this too slkdghlksdhgs. I have a lot of my own takes on Narinder and how he'll progress to be as the story comes along, and eventaully some of this will be talked about in TROD either with the lamb and/or with other characters, particularly Ratau, as he comes to an understanding that others are understanding.

I have not had coffee yet this morning but I could go on for a day and a half about Narinder being used to getting what he wants as a god and the entire process of how actaully lonley and isolating it can be to be continously pedastaled and worshipped verses being on equal, human level with other beings and how long it takes for him to realize that.

HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR

[pritong-baboy]

also- same anon that asked the sacrifice for Bee question, I love how "selfishly selfless" Shockwave is in a way, if that makes any sense haha

I adore characters that has limited ways of expressing or feeling emotions and I'm so incredibly fond of how Shockwave is portrayed.... he's cruel, he's tormented Bee for so long and ruined his trust, betrayed him, etc. and yet you're weirdly aware of just how everything he does is out of love. It's a horrific tragedy, he goes to extreme lenghts out of affection and everything about it is so selfish but it's also because he genuinely cannot comprehend how Bee himself functions, that when you view how he perceives his actions it becomes almost selfless. It reminds me of that baby deer curled up beside a target practice deer, except now the mother keeps the calf captive

I'm relatively new but as I'm reading some of these I really get the feeling that he really does want what's best for Bee but just cannot understand what he needs and wants, when you strip yourself of your own individuality you struggle to find value in it at all, so he strips away Bee's too. When all you need is one thing because you can only ever prioritize one thing, Bee shouldn't need anything other than him. When you complete a checklist you get your reward, so how come he does everything right and Bee still doesn't love him? or trust him?

I think there's something so devastating about Shockwave platonically/familiarly (is that the word?) falling in love with Bumblebee because of his innocence, trust, and individuality and in the process of trying to make him his he's slowly hurting and destroying those exact qualities he found so fondly without even realising it. something about thinking of those blue eyes so fondly and yet replacing one with red so Bee can be more of him.... oughhhhh. and yet despite it all he loves his son all the same. there's a person somewhere deep inside there that only remembers how to love, yet not care....

There's so many instances in these asks and drawings where Bee does something that upsets Shockwave but he just tries and tries again, but Bee just never reciprocates the familiar love, and Shockwave just can't understand. I keep thinking about that one post where try as he might he cannot hold Bumblebee in a way that doesn't hurt him and envies how everyone but him seem to have it so easily... they make me so illlll..... I love your take on him so much he's such a fascinating thing, sorry for the ramble, I just needed to get this out of my system, have a good day!!!

hrgghhh this ask made me wanna lose it ngl. you hit the nail so hard, i literally teared up HUHUHUH.

"When all you need is one thing because you can only ever prioritize one thing, Bee shouldn't need anything other than him. When you complete a checklist you get your reward, so how come he does everything right and Bee still doesn't love him? or trust him?"

YOU ARE GETTING IT. as you said, the way i write shockwave is that he ultimately is a tragic character filled with so much love and affection, but it always just spills out so cruelly and it ends up drowning the very bot that he wants to keep. and i like the way you say that shockwave "falls in love" with bumblebee in a parental way, because he really does fall so hard for him it's something he has never felt before.

the thing with the optics too. they were a big theme in my two part series and how much shockwave adored seeing not just bumblebee's optics, but seeing himself in them. it's not that shockwave likes how bee's optics looks, he just likes it when they are looking at him specifically, when he sees that he's in the center of them. his affection is so harsh and selfish it always circles back to seeing himself in the end. it was sort of a telling how much shockwave seemed to care for bee in the surface, but every action he does really is just self-serving even if he doesn't intend it to be.

you describing shockwave as "selfishly selfless" is just...mwah...perfection. cuz like, yeah, when shockwave says he'd do anything to convince bumblebee to stay with him, he REALLY DOES MEAN IT. he is legitimately willing to kill anyone and ruin everything if it meant getting a sliver of reassurance that bee is going to love him back. it's just that....him willing to do all of those things doesn't mean that bee wants any of that.

[innerclouddaze]

Corrupted TrBBH and Ace transcript of their first conversation (Bad POV)

VOD ID Bad's stream : 2502083599

"The Realm SMP - Day 210 - Learning and Growth"

Time stamp : 01:22:36 - 01:49:21

B = trBadboyhalo (corrupted)

A = trPili/Ace

====================================== B: Hello, Pili Dtowncat.

A: Full name is crazy.

B: What are you up to?

A: Oh, nothing. I'm in my house.

B: Did you need something?

A: I needed to talk to you, yes.

B: Oh, okay. What do you want to talk about?

A: About life, you know. Just in general?

B: How are you feeling?

A: I'm feeling good.

B: Ah, that's good.

A: Um...Bad, are you corrupted?

B: That would be crazy.

A: Yeah, wouldn't it, right?

B: I just had a little snack.

A: You just had a little snack, but you're not...corrupted?

B: Ha ha ha ha. That's a good one, Pili Dtowncat. Why, do you ask?

A: Pangi's concerned about you.

B: Oh. Why?

A: He believes that you're corrupted, and that it's my fault.

B: Is he concerned about you?

A: No.

B: Why?

A: I'm quite the opposite. He actually...I think he's mad at me. You know what? I think Pangi cannot handle being told the truth. That's what I think.

B: Why do you think that?

A: Oh, he just kinda said something amongst the lines of, I don't wanna talk to you anymore. After I told him the exact truth of the situation that was happening.

B: Oh, I see.

A: Uh, yeah. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little bit disappointed. I thought he'll be a little bit smarter, but he wasn't.

B: Why do you think that?

A: Cuz he is dumb, because he can't comprehend basic things.

B: Hmm...I don't know. He seems very caring.

A: He is caring, but that does not make him smart. At the end of the day, if he can comprehend the real world scenario and how everything really works in life, then what's the point if he's really caring?

B: I see. Do you think he's naive?

A: He lacks experience. I feel like...How I'll describe it is sometimes you're still living inside of a bubble, and you think the world worked in a certain way, and you think that you're doing the right thing, but once you realize in the greater scheme of things, that doesn't really matter that much.

B: Hmm...I see.

A: Hmm...Let's put things like they are. Let's just say, A, there's a scenario where...The world would end up corrupted, right?

B: Yes.

A: But it already is corrupted. The corruption had existed before, now, and it will start existing even in the future. No matter what happens, right?

B: Yes.

A: But also, B. Let's just say that there's a mass extinction event, like the dinosaurs. We can talk about the dinosaurs. Let's say that there's a meteor, a big one, that blows everything up and kills everything in it. What is the difference between a scenario where the world is sending and the corruption is there, or a scenario where the world is sending and everything gets vaporized by a meteor? At the end of the day, the truth is that the world will still spin. Life somehow will make its way with the corruption or without the corruption. And it doesn't matter because they're both mass extinction events. And the people in this world will cease to exist so it doesn't really matter to them because they won't be there anyway.

B: I see. Does it matter if the corruption goes extinct then?

A: The corruption will never go extinct.

B: Why?

A: Because the creators, and the beings that keep us here, they are all made of corruption at the end of the day.

B: Yes.

A: The corruption was here before us, and also be here afterwards. It will always make and find a way to come back.

B: Yeah, hmm...

A: So. I'm gonna ask you...because this is a genuine question.

B: Yes.

A: Are you gonna drop the act?

B: Hmm...Am i acting?

A: Yes.

B: Oh...*looks down and walks behind Ace* *trBBH's tone shifted* I don't know, Pili. I see what you're saying. I think I understand, but...

A: What do you see? What do you feel?

B: I think...that Pangi just cares...a lot. I think he cares about you, and about me.

A: He does not.

B: Hmm... But would it be so bad, Pili?

A: For what?

B: To be cured. What they call cured.

A: *laughs* I would love to see them try.

B: I understand, Pili. What you said...it's true. It's like...having...a big hug from a friend. A friend who's always there. A friend who never leaves you. A friend who always cares about you. That's what it feels like.

A: Yeah, I said that. This is why I like the corruption. And this is why I'm working with the corruption. But I'm also that friend. To you.

B: But is it real? Is the feeling real? Is it worth the pain that it causes Pangi, causes the people who care about us?

A: Well first of all, I don't give a fudge about Pangi at this point.

B: Oh...*looks down and off to the side* Hm...

A: Listen Bad, sometimes you need to realize that you can give everything to someone. But no matter how much you give to them, they will never give that same amount to you. And sometimes it's okay to be selfish. And sometimes it's okay to drop someone, but they don't care about you. As much as you care about them.

B: I see. And you think Pangi is like that.

A: Well, I'm just gonna say that I think if Pangi cared a little bit more, he would've put more effort for this whole thing to be avoided. At the end of the day, he did have a say in this. No, actually, let me backtrack. He did not have a say. He didn't even omit. He didn't even post. He just said, "Okay!". And carried his own way. He could've saved his friend multiple times, yet he didn't.

B: *looks down and up at Ace* You are correct, Pili.

A: Yes. Do you remember all those times where...Pili 2 was around? No one really cared to help him. No one really cared to hear him. There was clearly something wrong with him, yet...Oh, it's okay, you know. He's just like that. There was a moment that maybe this whole thing could have been prevented, stopped. But no one really did anything, just point fingers. Because the truth is that everyone saw him as a bad guy. But in reality, they were making the bad guy everyone's actions. The things that a lot of people did to him were mean. And maybe that's why everything is like it is today. And I'm gonna be honest...I think Pangi...He's confused. He doesn't really know what he wants. He just acts on emotion. He lacks that...rational...thinking...or whatever. He likes to please everyone, but he can't even please himself. And that's why he always ends up losing every single friend. He lost his spirit for his friend, and he keeps fighting his friends and having conflicts and everything, 'cause you have to realize that you can't really please everyone.

B: Hmm...but...I think sometimes, Pili...that...it's possible...that he can realize the mistake he made. That it takes something else happening, for him to realize how bad he treated someone else. And then he can make up for it, and apologize. And I think he's trying to do that, because another one of his friends is being affected.

A: The truth is, he's worried about you, and he's blaming me for it.

B: But is he not also worried about you?

A: No, he's not. In fact, I could feel his anger, his rage, at the words that I was saying, and to some extent, there were moments when I felt like he was going to pull the trigger on me again.

B: Hmm...but isn't that what he should have been doing, trying to cure you the whole time?

A: No. Killing me is what brought me here. Maybe...maybe if he talked more about how he was feeling, or maybe if he expressed himself more in a better way, in a healthy way. Maybe if he stopped being so emotionally driven, and opened his eyes, and think for once, and try and understand the scenario and the situation of what was happening in front of him. Which is kinda crazy to even think that his little boyfriend, uh, creature, Lukey, um...He kinda figured everything out...easily. And he was kinda the newbie. He was here for about, what, like a couple of weeks? He caught on real fast, but somehow Pangi never really realized.

B: Hmm...Yes. They are different. *looks off to the side*

A: Yeah.

B: I think killing Lukey might help Pangi see the mistake he made.

A: Oh, yes! See, now you're saying awesome things, Bad! Do you think killing Lukey will help Pangi? I don't think so.

B: I think it will help him see what he did wrong faster.

A: I mean, to some extent, sometimes it takes someone messing up to realize...I also feel like maybe...Here's the thing, it's just oh my God, can I just even say how much of a- Ooh, I can't swear in here, can I? Oh, Lord. Oh, there's so many times where the little guy just wanted to say what his heart felt and what his mind was thinking, but he just held back and guess what? He's dead and he died because he never spoke his mind. And if he doesn't speak his mind, maybe Lukey's also gonna die. Isn't that crazy? Oh my God. I don't know, Bad. I- do you think killing Lukey will help? Maybe, yeah, maybe it will. Maybe...And-And hear me out! Lukey is on two lives! It doesn't really matter that much. Like one more, one less, right? He'll probably lose it to himself somehow.

B: Hmm...*looks down* I see...I just...I feel like...

A: Do you wanna kill him? What do YOU want, Bad?

B: I want...us to be friends again. I want us to be normal.

A: Who is us?

B: Us.

A: Me and you? We're still friends.

B: Me, you, Pangi, and our new friends. All of us.

A: Why?

B: Because it's important to me.

A: You know that I'm still your friend, regardless, right?

B: Yes.

A: Okay, so, um, I've worked with situations like this before, yeah, we can do this. So what we're gonna do is, we just gotta act like we're fully corrupted, okay? Yeah, no, we-- I am-- I don't know about you, but we gotta act like corrupted, okay? So, um, what we gotta do is, we gotta make them BELIEVE that the corruption is making us act this way. And then we magically get cured and it'll be like, "Yo, oh my god, my dear friends!" You know, it's kinda like when someone gets sick and they get cured and everyone's oh so happy and it's like, Oh, I wanna spend so much time with you now that you're back. Oh, woo! Let's spend eternity together. Let's go grab food and let's make a cake and let's do this and oh, my dear friend is back! Right? Does that sound good to you? Does that work for you?

B: Yes.

A: Okay, good.

B: And we can all be friends again.

A: Yeah, just like, you know, full of like, the protocol or whatever, once you get like, healed and you say like, I'm sorry I did the horrible things I did. I didn't mean it, blah blah blah blah. It was a mistake, blah blah blah blah blah. You know the script, right? Like, you just...Say sorry, whatever.

B: Yes.

A: Okay. So...Does that sound like a plan?

B: But...Is it real?

A: What? What is real?

B: Like Pangi. Will he really...Will our friendship be real?

A: Yes.

B: Okay.

A: Yes. He will because he's a- he's a dumb little guy that completely forgets about situations and completely forgives everyone for everything, so.

B: Oh...*looks down* Hmm...

A: I don't know! What like- what do you- what do you want from me?

B: I don't know...

A: What do you want?

B: What do you want? Both of you.

A: That's a conflicting question.

B: Yes.

A: I just want to have fun. But also to be happy.

B: Oh. Okay.

A: What?

B: I just...I thought understanding would help. But...I don't know if I completely understand.

A: Me?

B: It. This.

A: Corruption?

B: All of it.

A: Does it not make sense to you?

B: It makes a lot of sense. But...it still...isn't clear.

A: Maybe you just need more of it.

B: Maybe.

A: Like...not to be that guy. But you kinda look like Pili 2 when he just brought...got in here.

B: Hmm..

A: I just feel like you need a little bit more...Ooh, a little bit more cooking in the stove, you know what I mean?

B: Oh...Do you think?

A: 'Cause I'm fine! Why wouldn't you be fine? Right?

B: Oh...

A: It makes sense to me, why is it not making sense to you?

B: So, I just need more cooking.

A: Well it did take me a couple...days to get to this state, so...

B: Have you tried...Hmm...*looks off to the side*

A: What?

B: If I tried more corruption, maybe you could try...less.

A: Whoa, you wanna take me off my meds? Do you know what it's gonna do to me?

B: I don't know.

A: That's crazy, man. Okay, I'll do less.

B: Is that what it's like? Is it medication?

A: Maybe. Medication for the pain.

B: The pain Pili 1 went through.

A: The pain that we both have to burden, Bad. The pain that not everyone can understand and empathize with.

B: But won't that hurt Pangi more?

A: But WHY does it matter? Why does it matter? You should be your top priority! You should be selfish! You should put yourself first!

B: Because--

A: What does it matter if Pangi's not happy if you cannot be happy yourself? You have to be happy first to make the others happy.

B: Because he's Pangi.

A: Yes, Bad. Was Pangi happy before? You got like this?

B: Yes.

A: I don't think he was.

B: Oh...*looks off to the side* What is happiness?

A: I think you're asking the wrong guy.

B: Are you not happy?

A: No. I've never been.

B: Then why? Why the corruption? Isn't it a cure for sadness.

A: Yes. But the absence of sadness does not just...It does not equal happiness, Bad. It's just numb.

B: I see. So, this warm blanket is more of a cold blanket.

A: Not really. My situation is different. I cannot feel happiness. I'm sure you can. This does not have to do with the corruption, Bad. This is anything but the corruption.

B: I see.

A: I'm sure you get happiness. I just...I just think you're getting used to the change like I did.

B: Hmm...Maybe. I am learning.

A: Remember, you gotta cook it a little bit more, Bad.

B: Let it grow?

A: Let it grow~ Yeah, like the song.

B: Okay.

*Lukey says good night to everybody and logs off*

A: Urgh this guy! No! Damn it! Oh no. I'm gonna kill him.

B: Well I guess we can talk later.

A: No, it's okay. No, Bad...uh I'm sorry.

B: Yes.....Don't be sorry, Pili. I just want to help.

A: You're helping. Believe me that you are.

B: I am?

A: Yeah, you are helpful. You've always been helpful.

B: Okay. That's good. *nods*

A: I need to ask you, do you really want to be corrupted?

B: I really just want to help.

A: You know how you will help me?

B: How?

A: By killing Lukey.

B: Would that help Pangi too?

A: Yeah.

B: Okay, then I'll do it.

A: On the long run, yes. It'll make him be more grateful. Kinda like a little wake-up call, you know?

B: Okay. *nods once, looks down and walks to the exit*

A: Wait. Bad.

B: Yes?

A: It'll be okay. At the end of the day. If anything happens, feel free to blame me. You can always blame me. Okay?

B: Okay.

A: If anything, it's my fault.

B: Okay. Take care of yourself.

A: You still need to cook a little bit more. Okay?

B: Okay.

A: You'll start to feel better soon. I'll make sure of it.

B: Okay. Thank you, Pili.

A: No worries. That's what friends are for.

B: Yes. *few vigorous nods* Yes. That's what friends are for. *jumps a few times*

A: Exactly.

B: Okay. Thank you, Pili.

A: In fact, I think you'll get more friends soon...in a couple of days.

B: I will? Oh boy. Just like the old times. *looks back and walks to the exit*

A: ...

B: *looks back at Ace*...... See you soon, Pili.

A: See you soon, Bad. I'm always with you.

B: I know.

*Bad leaves*

[m0nt3cr15t0]

I will never not hate the take that Victor was the real monster, just seeing it makes me literally quake with frustration (then again I already have tremors and whatnot). I can't even properly articulate why I hate it so, though I'll try. Pinning the blame on any one character is wrong and unfair to everyone in the novel. Both Victor and his creation made horrible mistakes, but you really have to show sympathy to both parties. Victor was hardly in his twenties, and likely died early thirties at latest (if that) He knew not what he was truly doing. At first he didn't see the creature as a person because he was looking at his endeavors purely from the standpoint of scientific discovery, and a want to help humanity. He applied constant pressure to himself to create this thing, to the point of being incredibly frail for the rest of his life, in hopes that he could help even a handful of scientists with his discoveries. He only later realized The Creature was an intellectual being when he told Victor of his woes and traumas. Victor showed genuine compassion, despite knowing that this is the being that killed his brother, and was genuinely willing to create a wife at first. He then realized that the wife would suffer the same way the original did, if not more considering she would purely exist to please a man (a hideous one that she'd likely despise, at that). He was always thinking in terms of "the greater good," and he truly wanted to be the Prometheus that gives fire and revolutionary ideas. All he ever wanted was to help, he was just too young and dumb and prideful to understand that his original actions were wrong. He panicked when he created the Creature, and simply hoped his problems would go away until the Creature came back with a lust for revenge. To call Victor monstrous for panicking and for not properly thinking through his ambitions is unfair and is a poor assessment of the story. Simultaneously both and neither parties were monsters. Victor and the Creature were both far too hurt by one another to act rationally. Victor was devastated at the loss of his family as well as fearful for his own life, and the Creature knew that the only thing he could do to even slightly make Victor's situation equal to his own was to make him suffer and lose everything until Victor was as alone as the Creature. It started as Victor's mistake and quickly became a cycle of hatred and violence. There also are an insane amount of parallels between the two characters. Both originally started with curiosity, a love for nature and life, and hopes to help the world become a better place. But in their crimes against one another, they lost themselves. The two of them brought out the worst of one another and yet there was no situation in which they could be happy together because the Creature's mere existence was the cruelest mistake of Victors despite Victor never having realized it until it was too late. I genuinely cannot comprehend how people can read this book where Victor constantly is sacrificing himself trying to help humanity and say that he's ever so selfish and vile. He first gave up his health to build the Creature, later his sanity trying to make the wife, and lastly the rest of his life trying to kill the Creature because he feared it'd only hurt more innocents. His perception of right and wrong was skewed, yes, but he always did what he believed was morally correct, no matter what it took. He wanted to die every minute that Henry was gone, but his thoughts of suicide first started even as far back as William's death when he would sit in his boat and wish to sink into the water until every last breath of air was squeezed from his lungs. The book is not a mere thriller nor is it a tale of good and evil, rather, a tragedy in which every character suffered unjustly. Labeling Victor as the true monster is shallow and tasteless, unjust to the book itself.

Victor wasn’t “tHe tRuE mOnStEr,” he was the ~19 or so year old that pressured himself to be a hero and create something big, got so deep into his obsession that he didn’t properly think it through, and then panicked and everything went downhill. He wasn’t entirely selfish, not was he monstrous, as so many claim, he was an anxious idiot teen with a lack of common sense. (Me too, Vic, me too)

[ambreiiigns]

so he says 7.5/9. he . really weird. i knew he probs wasn't gonna love it as much as i do and it really sounded like he was Hating it for the first half but then turns out he likes almost everything it's just that the very few things he dislikes are the big ones jfnsnfns ?? he doesn't love the Development of the characters and some plot points if i'm understanding it right. like he loves the artistic direction and the MUSIC is his fave and will add some songs to his playlist lmao and he likes homura and sayaka but then he feels a lot of other stuff wasn't handled in the best ways. i think he's insane bc it's perfect <3

me & brother have finished madoka (the series) wanna know his thoughts

[max1461]

I don't typically feel at home with "nerds" (in the sense of "programmer type guys"), because I feel there is something important about the world that very often they cannot see, and I am going to try to articulate what it is.

First, a digression.

My extended family is... well, most of them are not really evangelicals (insofar as they're Christian at all, they're not very good Christians and they mostly don't seem to care), but culturally they're part of the vulgar evangelical milieu; the sort of people to whom prosperity gospel megachurch pastors appeal. Years ago when I was about to start college, my uncle came to visit, and I told my him that I was going to study math. He's a smart guy, and started telling me about how he was always good at math in school, and telling me stories about the various times he'd used math (meaning, basically, elementary algebra) to great effect in his various business ventures. That's what he understands: business, making money... to put it less charitably (though I say this with considerable affection): scheming. So he tried to speak the language of making money to me about it. When he asked me what I wanted to do with my math degree (by implication: what sort of scheming was I looking to get involved in) I said something to the effect of "there are all kinds of job opportunities you have with a math degree, but that's not really why I'm studying it—I really just want to understand math at a deeper level". I remember the look on his face when I said that very clearly. It was utter bafflement. Not because he hated math or something, but because I genuinely don't think the concept of "wanting to understand something at a deeper level for its own sake" had ever occurred to him. The inherent appeal of understanding the world is, I think, not something which exists (or exists very strongly) in his emotional landscape. He is blind to that part of the human experience which drives scientists to be scientists.

Well, that's alright. He's a schemer and not a scientist by nature. Some people are that way. I like my uncle well enough, and I enjoyed talking to him on that visit. But he's not someone I would try to share my love of math or linguistics with; on both accounts I don't think there is anything I could say to make him get it.

Why do I bring all this up? Well, one way in which I relate to programmer type guys is that we both like math, and I think we like for basically the same reason. And I think most programmer type guys will have met someone like my uncle, someone who seems like they fundamentally cannot see the appeal in this thing which drives you so strongly, this thing which is so great a part of your emotional landscape. I'm sure a lot of you will know the exact feeling I had during the above interaction. You are so fascinated by these questions about how the world works, and how it can be rationally understood, and this other guy basically seems like he just... can't even comprehend what it's like to be motivated by that. It's so completely foreign to him, and his perspective is thus completely foreign to you.

We are all, sometimes, this uncle.

Part of why I am interested in linguistics is because I have this deep urge to explore the world (by this I mean principally: the human world). I have this desire to travel, to talk to people, to see and experience different places and different ways of doing things. I want to go to various places and see what they look like, and meet the people there and hear what they have to say, and so on and so forth. There is an "openness to experience" element to this, but that is very insufficient to characterize the thing I am trying to articulate; for instance, I have little interest in psychedelics or other prototypical "high openness to experience" type activities. To me, there is an ineffable vibe that every place seems to have (a "place" in this sense could be as large as a country or a small as a particular bar), and the vibes of nested places are like layers on top of one another that make being in the world feel like an extremely rich experience. Learning languages and learning about languages gives me this window into other places, which is extremely appealing, and furthermore I can access it to some degree from my own home, which is nice. Of course doing this from my bedroom is not enough, I want to actually go, to wander around, and in those times when I've gotten the chance to do so I have felt that it was very much everything I had imagined it to be.

When I try to talk to programmer type nerds about this aspect of myself, I often feel much the same as when I was trying to talk to my uncle about wanting to study math. They just don't seem to have any sort of reference for what I'm talking about, these emotions have never occurred to them in any significant way, and they can't figure out how to relate. I believe this is, in essence, the source of my frequent abrasions with rattumb, and why I have basically bounced off of coding for cultural reasons time and time again in my life, even though conceptually it's exactly the sort of thing that interests me. For reasons of nature or nurture, programmer guy personality traits rarely co-occur with wanderluster personality traits, they just don't seem to go together. And so in spaces like, well, this one, I'm just left feeling like nobody can quite relate to what I am getting at a good chunk of the time, and the consequence of this is that I feel emotionally impoverished. That's not anybody's fault for being a different sort of guy than me, and I'm sure there's stuff about which I'm the confused uncle (in fact, I know there is: the appeal of psychedelics, meditation, and other "transcendence" based activities is one of these things for me). Idk, just thought that was something worth expressing.

[noel-levine-fan]

i tried to write a short analysis and it turned into this sorry

i've posted about it before but i just keep thinking about how sirius's conflict revolves so much around being the 'only one,' the only one who knows, the only one who saw what happened, and his resentment towards others both because he sees it as us vs them ("they" are all part of the ignorant and malicious humanity that took everything from him) and because he resents the fact that "they" (who he sees as the reason everything happened) get to live in peace due to either not knowing or not caring while also expecting him to be less hostile towards them. i think he sees it as, essentially, his right to be a jerk towards "them" who hurt him and continue to hurt him, which is honestly not even necessarily a wrong position to have, but his problem is that he projects it onto people who are totally innocent or even victims themselves, like claire.

it's because he sees "them" as a mob that he fails to conceive of other people as truly having inner worlds, instead seeing them as largely random actors. he is easily baffled by the actions of others, and doesn't usually think about or consider their inner worlds, instead just getting indignant and perpetually being completely unable to understand their actions. it's a defense mechanism, because his life and the actions of others in it must seem really bizarre and scary and random, with little recourse for really rationally explaining everything that happened to him, he just gave up and concluded everyone else is an irrational actor whose actions cannot truly be explained or comprehended, so he, to an extent, stopped trying to empathize with others because there didn't seem to be a point. everyone is just bizarre, random, and scary. he latched onto dorothy because, yes, she did save him which provoked a strong emotional response from him, but also, he could view her as 1. someone who shared his exact pain, and 2. a rational actor in a sea of people who just do evil things for no reason.

but this is deeply isolating. i imagine he must feel truly alone, and it really truly seems to hurt him that he has to live as the only one who understands all that's terrible that happened. he has no one to tell, nobody to truly seek comfort from, and can be easily driven to fear. i think part of why he gets upset with claire is not just because the fact that she was more sheltered from the things that hurt the both of them (didn't see the witch hunts, had her memories erased of her past, though she has been through a plethora of other shit, the stuff they would specifically relate to each other on is stuff that claire was somewhat sheltered from) and that it bothers him that she gets to, in his mind, live more carefree, but also, because when you care about someone, you want them to understand you, you want to be able to share your pain with them, and i think he feels hurt because he feels like he can't. i remember him saying something like "i was a fool to put my hope in her" after she mentions "patricia" in her sleep, which i think shows that it goes deeper than just jealousy of her being able to smile, but also, there's a genuine desire to be understood by someone he grew up with and cares about, as if he feels that connection is almost there but not quite and it frustrates him. and he knows it's unfair to her - he can step back and realize that there is a distinction between "them" and those like claire, but his mind is just so clouded most of the time that it's a hard distinction to make...

something that ends up being important for him to understand is that 1. being upbeat doesn't mean you don't suffer, 2. someone can still be in pain even if the pain is not the same as yours, and 3. his inability to connect with claire is not because any fault on her part, but because he keeps pushing her away. and i think that's all definitely important - no, claire does not have to have been through the exact same thing for her suffering to be meaningful, no, her smiling doesn't mean she hasn't been through shit, and regardless of how much someone else has suffered, you can still connect with them. his arc is about being able to let his guard down, and even if he still isn't fully able to see into other's worlds, realize people aren't evil, and finally stop pushing away the connection he wishes he had. some of this i think he already knew intuitively from the start, but there is perhaps a difference between knowing something and learning it.

i think this is all important, of course. but part of what i think is a tragedy in the story of witch's heart is that, i still think that hidden desire to have someone who can truly understand not just on a conceptual level but from the level of firsthand experience is a valid one, and it's really isolating and makes it feel like the world is against you when it seems like nobody else could possibly understand. while i think "claire did not have to have gone through the exact same thing as me for me to connect with her" was something he needed to learn, there's a tragic irony to the fact that sirius was never alone in his suffering to begin with.

of course, there is the fact that there were many witch hunt victims, and there were probably dozens of relatives of dead "witches" that felt much the same as him. but i think, more than that, is that someone who went through most of the same things was with him the whole time, and he just... never knew.

the duality of sirius vs noel is really interesting to me. it's said sirius copes by running away, but i don't think that's necessarily true when it comes to his emotions. i think it's true in the sense that he runs away (figuratively, occasionally literally) from other people, but i think part of sirius's problem is that he is so stooped in his own emotions that it's hard to see anything else. his worldview is defined by a defensive, afraid, "us vs. them," he sees the way he interacts with the world as forever marked by the fact that not only did he suffer, but he's the only one who knows/understands that suffering.

when it comes to "running away" in an emotional sense, i think it's noel who does that. noel would rather bury the tragedy in a ditch and leave it there, pretending it never happened and he was never affected. i mean, that's kind of noel's whole deal, trying to make it so the tragedy wasn't so, running away from pain. while he does this literally with the timeloop, he does it figuratively with the past that he can't change - the more you look, the more it seems he avoids his past like the plague, except for when he's thinking about the happy parts with claire (or, occasionally, with his mother). as opposed to many of the other characters, there's never actually a single moment of reflection on the ways he was hurt. he rarely talks about the past (outside the good parts) unless he really has to. he remembers, sure, in bonus stage his backstory seems to occur to him in a series of extended flashbacks instead of being induced via a crystal, but he doesn't really... reflect, or think about it, he just gets upset and then doesn't talk or think about it again. there's only one moment really close to him actually reflecting on anything (that one monologue in i think noel's route that's super vague), but even that's obscuring what happened. even as he reeks of someone in pain, he finds various ways to obscure it - not acknowledging it, telling himself he's doing it because he's just trying to be a moral actor, taking his worship of claire at face value and never interrogating it ("i don't feel this way because i was really hurt and latched onto her, i feel this way because she is actually just perfect") etc...

while sirius cannot let go and stews in the fact that he cannot let go, noel cannot let go but pretends he can and then tries to pretend he's not a product of his environment. sirius seeks relief, for someone else to get it, but noel would never want anyone to get it, never want anyone to look, and he seeks to get as far from it as possible. sirius wants to seek comfort and is frustrated he feels he can't - noel never even tries to seek comfort. sirius can't get over being in pain, noel is like seemingly deeply afraid of being in emotional pain (or the appearance of being in pain). well, at least for himself - i think he's okay with emotional pain when he can paint it like "oh, this hurts me but it's good for other people," but when it's just pain about what happened to him/in his life, he turns away.

and it kind of goes to show how the two operate differently in differing but similar circumstances. i see it as indulgence of the self vs avoidance of the self. it makes sense, right? if society is evil and wants to hurt you and you can't trust anyone but yourself, only your own perspective is truly sane, so you have your perspective take up a lot of space in your head and in the lives of those you interact with, but if your self is beaten down to essentially nothing and you cannot even tell who you are, your perspective cannot be trusted and should be shrunken away from, both in your own mind and in the lives of others, especially because you've found a convenient other person whose perspective is better than yours and can take the place of your own, faulty one.

the deep irony of this is is that, sirius spends a lifetime thinking he's the only one, and noel spends a lifetime thinking sirius would never desire connection with him.

sirius never knows of noel's suffering - even wilardo's conclusion only has noel reveal some parts that are the parts that sirius would not be able to relate to him on - and as such, spends so much time thinking he is alone in his suffering when someone who understands is right next to him, and noel never knows of how sirius truly feels about him, and as such, shrinks away from interacting with him entirely.

i don't know if there's any evidence for this, maybe there's not, but i can't help but feel on some level, that noel must want others to understand, must want comfort. but he cannot, will not see it, because to desire comfort is to indulge the pain to begin with. i just think he's that kind of person - he wants to be by claire's side, but he won't say it, he wants sirius to care about him, but he won't say it, so it might also follow that he wants comfort, but won't say it.

i think this kind of gets at the heart of why i like sirinoel. there is an understanding there, one so obvious, that neither of them could see. they're like, kind of an inherent tragedy to me, that they both had the capacity for understanding what happened that they both needed, but one is too rejecting of others, and the other is to rejecting of interacting with his own pain. the one who would've been able to reach out never does, even though the other needs it, because noel's the one who would never share his pain. sirius pushes everyone away, including noel to some extent, because he doesn't know noel understands, and noel pushes sirius away precisely because of the source of the pain that causes him to be able to understand. and this tragedy feels like it runs so deep - two orphaned, lonely children, in a world that hurt them, that could have spent that whole time recovering together but never did - a connection that never happened. emotions that could have connected but instead kept running in opposite directions - that's the kind of doomed yaoi bullshit i love. there is that catharsis for both of them - there is that person that can understand - but because of their viewpoints, particularly, noel's viewpoint of avoiding his pain (and of thinking sirius doesn't like him), that catharsis is left unmet, unresolved.

what's sad is that it's not for lack of care on either party. they both really care about each other... but that care is never able to get them to the point of true understanding they could have. their pain, running in parallel, so similar, yet both isolating themselves from others...

they are in some ways, polar opposites, and in other ways, exactly the same. (to be honest, the same can be said for most main 5 duos in witch's heart lol. i deadass want to make venn diagrams for every main 5 pair bc comparing and contrasting these bitches is like the core of what makes their dynamics so. delicious.) and in the end, sirius is able to find some recourse for his feelings - he is able to start to feel better without ever truly finding that understanding, able to learn that true understanding is not necessary, but instead it's connection that helps - but it feels sad that that understanding is still ultimately left not having happened, that that story of someone so much like him in what he went through... will never be told. left unspoken. it kind of haunts the story for me and i love it

this is somewhat a post for another day and it's really only a matter of time until i make a post analyzing noel/claire's relationship too, but cycling back to claire, i think the three of them all kind of need each other... claire needs the family she lost, that cares about her, sirius needs connection but also understanding, noel needs love and understanding as well... but there's something so ironic knowing a lot of sirius's and noel's character arcs and conflicts could have been so easily avoided if noel had told him, or if after the massacre, noel had explained what happened, his part in it. it's tragic misunderstanding and miscommunication - or further, lack of any communication that just gets to me. that's a lot of the tragedy in witch's heart - there's so many small tweaks you could make to the story that would've avoided so many problems. some part of witch's heart is the dramatic irony of the tragedies that didn't need to happen, but still did. and this in particular draws me in to sirinoel. the invisible, unresolved, understanding.

[hazbin-blog-muah]

I HAVE GOT TO TALK ABOUT EPISODE 5 OF TADC. RIGHT NOW.

POSITIVE RANT INCOMING ( SPOILER WARNING FOR TADC EP 5 )

So, I know that every episode of TADC manages to increasingly get better and better, but Episode 5 is probably my absolute favorite episode and not only because it's the latest one BUT because we GET SO MUCH in SUCH LITTLE TIME.

I really enjoyed each bit of screen time the characters had, giving them all their time to shine in their own ways - HOWEVER, since this was a Ragatha centered episode I truly enjoyed her characterization the most ( Plus the bits we got with Jax as well ).

From what we've gotten in previous episodes, I assumed Ragatha was obviously masking her true feelings with forced kindness and optimism. I also expected her to grow up in a wealthier household, due to her comment while on the stupid sauce in the last episode ( though it was a direct reference to The Adventures of Raggedy-Ann / Andy, or whatever it's titled, my apologies ). Though, her ending the episode ALONE, watching the others group off without her low key scares me a little. I've heard theories and I think if Gangle doesn't abstract next then to me I think it'll be Ragatha...I'm scared. I'm scared. But, all in all, I truly enjoyed her arc this episode; Pomni encouraging her ( agreeing with Jax, which I'll get into later ) to speak her mind. That it's okay to be vulnerable - which is also another reason I enjoyed the grouping of Ragatha and Jax considering they're both scared of being too vulnerable ( Ragatha masking with her faux optimism and Jax masking with his cruelness ).

Now, as much as I love Ragatha, I cannot stray away from the obvious...Jax's character was phenomenal in this episode ( imo ). I am biased since Jax is my favorite character. So, with that being said, I of course, like many others ate UP his scenes. I liked seeing him struggle because he's seemingly found it pretty easy to poke "fun" and make the other's time as miserable as possible WHICH as we see is due to him not seeing much of a reason to stay happy. I adored seeing his more vulnerable side, much like the small snippet we received back in episode 2.

OH and the small hints to him having LOST someone - WHO I AM ASSUMING TO BE THE FROG CHARACTER BECAUSE OF THIS SCREEN GRAB:

IDK if that's them or not, BUT to me that's who it looks like! IDK IDK IDK.

I also liked the dynamic between Pomni and Jax this episode. Like I mentioned before, Pomni has seemed to slowly warm up to Jax throughout this episode, as she found it easy to agree with him when it came to Ragatha's situation. I also liked their moment when they were all under the stars. That was a genuinely wholesome moment between the two and I LOVED IT.

And, again, Jax talking about how Ragatha tries "way too hard" and how her hyping everyone up so much gets tiring after a while - how after so much affection, it can seem meaningless and forced, which definitely plays into his idea of isolating himself from the others as a way of not getting too attached. So when they leave, it won't hurt as much. Which is SO. SAD.

And, I would talk about Caine, but I honestly can't really pinpoint what his true motives are...like, IK he's A.I. and he can't understand that these people have their own preferences and feelings, which was evident by his inability to comprehend that they all couldn't agree on one adventure type. IDK tbh. I'm just scared for him-

I just really enjoyed this episode. It was so amazing and I can't wait for Episode 6!!!

Everyone say, "Thank you, @gooseworx & GLITCH productions" <3

[tmasc-confessions]

A male fictional character will look directly into the lense of a camera and say "I have struggles with my gender identity. I feel insecure about my masculinity. I am a boy. I wanna be a man so bad PLEASE PLEASEEEEE I WANNA BE A MAN PLEASE THERE ARE SEVERAL EPISODES REVOLVING ALMOST SOLELY AROUND HOW BADLY I WANNA BE MASCULINE PLEASSSSSSEEEEEEE" and people will still choose to headcanon him as a girl instead of acknowledging the possibility that no actually he's pretty transmasc coded and there's literally no implication of a desire of femeninity anywhere in his character. If anything he actively rejects it.

Can you tell this was about Dipper Pines? I genuinely cannot get it through my head why anyone would believe he's not transmasc other than Just Not Liking Transmascs.

To be honest there are many trans-coded characters in fiction that I think could go either way, tbh for me most do; but Dipper is one of the ones I like, physically can't comprehend either. The only transfem reading of him I could possibly maybe understand is "he's overcompensating", but even then... I don't even think a 12 yro boy would understand the concept of overcompensating in order to mask.

Besides, I'd consider that a reach compared to "oh he's just transmasc and has dysphoria". No shade to anyone who does see him as transfem though, I would love a more in-depth explanation of your viewpoint!!

[meear]

umineko fans are the original "if you don't like it you just didn't understand it" people. I genuinely cannot think of anyone more annoying and obnoxious, except SNK fans, except not even them, because in Umineko's case that behavior is enabled by the author himself. It's crazy how a story that spent hundreds of hours discussing the value in several coexisting interpetations will have both characters and fans turning around and tell you that actually you're completely wrong for thinking a certain way

The crazy part is they don't even realise how their smug attitude about being part of R07's very special club of people who "have love" and the superior way they act about holding the true answer are EXACTLY the Erika traits they criticise in readers who don't think like them. "He spells it out but you still cannot see it? Lol" "are there still people who can't accept the literal canon answer? lmfao" "you know you're exactly the goats r07 wrote about right?" (Because r07 is a god who cannot possibly be contradicted, this is supposed to be the worst insult somehow) (these fans cannot seem to decide who the goats are an analogy for, considering they'll scramble to say they only represent the story's witch hunters as a criticism of true crime fans when you call out r07's arrogance, yet they'll smugly tell you you're just a goat when you question the story itself. Thank you, it's nice to know that Ryukishi wrote about me, but that doesn't answer the fucking question, Brian)

It's incredibly ironic. How did a story like Umineko create and encourage so many people to sanctify one "official answer" and taking any other attempt as an insult?? Like is anyone feeling how ryu07 completely fucked up at what he was trying to do?

"So I won't open the catbox and reveal what actually happened on the island." oh, that's cool, I actually really like that! I agree that ultimately the true events of that day are a pretty trivial part of the story, and it's way more interesting not to know - "anyway it's Rudolf and Kyrie and it happened exactly like so and so, and Shkanontrice did this and that".

... Okay, well I really wish that had remained a mystery forever, since the point was that any truth would've been anticlimatic, and the choice to reveal that genuinely kills a lot of what made Umineko's appeal to me, but I guess we can still have fun with EP1-4 and try several alternative theories for the sequence of events- "here's the manga explaining everything in detail and if you didn't get it have you tried maybe having some more love? It would be sooo clear if you had love lmfao. you literally cannot comprehend my work unless you have"

... I really wish that guy would stop making assumptions about the inner mind of complete strangers who read his work, but I do enjoy getting to choose an ending! it really fits in with Umineko's theme of choosing the truth for yourself and making your own path that you can be happy with, as long as you keep thinking- "the Magic ending is meant to be the true end btw. if you prefer the other one you pretty much have no heart lol, it's obviously framed like a bad ending and there's only one acceptable choice and one way ange can find happiness"

... man, I'm so bored. Why write a game like that and then make it so that some choices are better than others instead of letting people think for themselves? Why would you force an interpretation on people/Ange when I've been led to believe that the narrative was against that sort of things? You want to highlight the value in your vision of "magic", fine, but why am I the heartless bitch for disliking that perspective and even trying to see things differently?

Why would you write a whole game around the really fun concept of several tales happening at the same time and the existence of endless truths inside the same catbox only to open the catbox and tell me "NO, you need to think a certain way, and if you don't like my answer FUCK YOU"

I understand that maybe he just had a specific answer in mind but I'm sorry the way he write the ending simply does not match the vision he seemed to have in the earlier chapters.

I genuinely respect Umineko as a work, I think it's one of the most ambitious stories I've seen and there is some amazing writing in there, but if Ryukishi wanted to allow for people to keep thinking and discussing what it means, he has failed miserably and I'm not talking about confession of the golden witch, I'm talking about the way he and his minions have shut down any possible discussion under the guise of "you just don't get it" (rephrased to "you don't have love" to make it sound more enlightened) and it's soured my enjoyment of something that should've been an amazing story. What is even left to discuss here when everyone has pretty much already made up their mind?

[purgatoryandme]

A lot of the Youtube essayist and Reddit critical reviews of Monkey Man are really striking in how much a certain brand of white dude just...doesn't understand the concept of "you are not the target audience". Wild to see people sincerely struggling to come to grips with something that is GOOD but not tailored to their lived experience who rarely have to do that.

A lot of these people are sincere in their bad takes here and genuinely believe they're giving helpful critique! And have had a lot of good takes before!

But then I have to lose my mind hearing people say they felt Monkey Man wasn't making strong political or socio-economic commentary (!?!?!?) because it didn't spoonfeed the audience an explanation of what being a minority is like. The fact that this movie wasn't voyeuristic genuinely mystifies them???????? Extra insane to see the repeated opinion that the side characters weren't fleshed out or didn't have a completed arc delivered because their definition of change is so wildly off-beat from the message this movie is carrying. They cannot comprehend having this kind of a deep relationship with somebody you just met. Don't get it at all! Can't relate to the experience of that instant connection that comes with struggle, how differently it makes victory taste, and how standing for yourself can mean standing for the people crushed under the same boot without getting a solo hero complex. That IS the culture and atmosphere of the movie that they keep saying is under explained aohdiushndiasnhdcasjnda

Aryan P's interview and video essay hit so different. The absolutely clarity with which he can articulate the experience of watching this movie, what each character embodies, how they fit into the greater narrative - absolutely refreshing and absolutely points out exactly how much a lot of the critic crowd needed to be slapped with a movie that wasn't made for them.

[boggyblazingmood]

My only question is why is this user pretending to like Eloise's feminism all of a sudden?

Okay girlie, Daphne's first love was Simon. Fran's first male love was John and her first female love was Michaela. By her sisters' characterization, Eloise should literally end up with her first love, Theo Sharpe. She shouldn't be treated like a Bridgerton brother in which she doesn't end up with her first love. Anthony didn't end up with Siena, Benedict didn't end up with Genevieve, and Colin clearly didn't end up with Marina. It's funny that with the Philoises genuine hatred of Theo/Theloise they want Eloise's characterization to be like her brothers instead of her sisters 🙄

If that user had a longer attention span then they would have seen Claudia not mention Phillip/Philoise/TSPWL a single time. If she was intended to set up her book endgame, shouldn't the S3 press start that foundation? Maybe I'm thinking too much but it is indeed basic storytelling...

No Theloise, Creloise, nor Elorina is against Eloise falling in love. We just want her to discover herself and improve on herself. We don't see her improvement as suddenly becoming marriage minded and loving babies. Which a lot of Philoises are in favor for because of Book Eloise.

I really hate that Philoises call Theloises, Creloises, and Elorinas anti-motherhood and anti-stepchildren because of our dislike of Philoises/TSPWL. NO! We understand that Show Eloise HATES the countryside. If that person knew how to read, she would know that Claudia Jessie herself said that Eloise feels just as trapped in the countryside as she does in the Ton. No her running away to Romney Hall throws away three seasons worth of her characterization. Not to mention, Eloise is NOT FOND OF CHILDREN! Funny that when Daphne, Penelope, and Fran all got married as teenagers to become mothers young no one thought or asked hey they are awfully young, are they mature enough to be wives and mothers? No, as the fandom basically praised them. But Eloise who doesn't want to get married or have kids, the fandom questions her maturity? It's gender essentialism at its finest.

Eloise doesn't want it all. Philoises cannot comprehend this about Eloise's character. They just see their Plant Daddy and get excited. Eloise wants a different life. In the society she lives in, upper class women are encouraged to have the most advantageous match. Eloise balks at that as she argues or is incompatible with the men her mother throws her way. Like if she can't get along with Lord Morrison, what makes Philoises think she'll get along resoundedly with Phillip Crane??? Also, instead of enjoying balls, soiries, garden parties, and operas, Eloise feels best with her books and attending assemblies. Yes you got that right, Eloise LOVES ATTENDING ASSEMBLIES!

Unless they decide to make Phillip into a radical feminist, there's no way for Eloise to be allowed to become her true outspoken self. Which is unlikely if they are sticking with Philoise (also unlikely!). As Phillip is clearly a Regency era character. He gives up on his dream of becoming a Cambridge professor to marry Marina and protect the kids. And that wasn't a feminist action, he was complying with the patriarchal society to protect Marina through marriage. Not to mention, why doesn't he let Marina run Romney Hall by herself so that he can teach at Cambridge? Oh yes, because he abides by Regency norms. Additionally, if he really was a feminist, then why the fuck did he invite Colin to his house without Marina's permission? It is because of that action, that the braindead, feebleminded Philoises think that Marina is depressed and miserable. Like who wouldn't be pissed as fuck with their spouse inviting their ex?!

In conclusion, we don't misunderstand Eloise's character. We just understand that the show's version is a lot different to TSPWL. Something that the dimwitted Philoises can't comprehend. Because they foolishly think Philoise is show canon despite Phillip being married, Phillip being a boring man, Eloise hating the countryside, Eloise not being fond of children, and of course neither Phillip nor Eloise EVER sharing a scene together!

[yuseirra]

I really am trying to make sense of hikaru's character, and trying to bring everything I see of him and combine it together in a way that makes sense to form his character but it's actually impossible. I could manage to make sense of it somehow till 161, but I just cannot with what we learn out of him in 162, it has information that contradicts what's previously given to us and it's as if he has split personalities that cannot coexist...

The only way to make this understandable and could be thought of as consistent writing would be that he's ACTUALLY possessed, I'm serious, because what WAS that about him saying he does have fatherly feelings and the fact he funded for the movie, was willing to accept he'd be killed etc, I don't feel those were lies either, it DIDN'T have to be there. It's one of those information that no one would expect out of him so much and had been purposely given to us with intent. Those aren't usually lies because what's the point?; It's bad writing to just throw those info in to confuse the readers, it wasn't enacted in a way to be taken as a lie.

It wouldn't have been a problem if his appearance during the movie arc never existed, then he's perfectly coherent in regards to his previous portrayals, but I always felt that his portrayals in that arc would be fundamental to understand his character, his eyes didn't have the black stars in 154 in reaction to Ai's video either, so I was convinced the reactions he had towards Ai's video was so genuine.

I really want to ask the author if that's it for this one.

I really don't get it for this case, it's ACTUALLY impossible to integrate what's been shown of him as a single character, and it's not like the chapters have been spread out so far that it lead to a lack of consistency, it's been less than ten chapters since these events happened and he's drastically different that I just can't take him as the same person.

Except for the really, really base core of the character like his appearance and age and the fact that Ai is his most important person, it's like he's been completely taken over and shifted. It's so confusing, I really don't want to discard what I made out of his character from after what I saw from the movie arc, but I can't bring it together in a logical way of how things are in 161-162 if this is how he's supposed to go and it ISN'T AN ACT. Either this is bad writing(I'm sorry to say that towards another person's work but from a psychological standpoint, I really, really cannot comprehend what this is) or it's intentionally indicating that there is this outer force that's drastically shifted Kamiki's character in an unnatural way. But would it really BE this? In the case of the latter, Ai's wishes if helping him still makes sense because it'd indicate Hikaru really isn't himself and is influenced by the black stars or whatever. Honestly, that's the ONLY way it'd make sense for me for this character to be this way. It IS very out of character if we bring the movie arc portrayals into account. Does the writer know what they're doing with this character? They must, way better than me, but I'm not sure what they want to do with them because the work isn't mine.

I really really am trying to make do and make the best out of what I can of what's been presented in the source material, I always do, but it's INCREDIBLY confusing regarding this character. Right now... I may have to go with the idea that he's ACTUALLY possessed and not himself as bizzare and illogical that may be, or either disregard a huge chunk of the ideas that was set forth in the movie arc(but I am really convinced those were the truths when it comes to this character!!) It's both such a tough choice to make and I really need answers for this case. They don't give us proper answers when it comes to this character. What are they hiding?? I actually think he CAN really be possessed because, that's what the songs could be indicating and plus, that does let us see WHY Ai would request to help this guy out. It's not entirely out of his own will that he's acting wickedly, but under an influence, that's how he's "lost"... So is THIS it? Is THAT what the author is going for? Well for Hikaru's sake and for the sake of consistent writing I do hope this is the case because I can't understand him perfectly unless it's this!! Things just don't work out. I can't possibly portray him as well and it's so difficult, and I never had this happen to me, ever. It's like having a puzzle piece that's from a different set and struggling to fit it in, but it can't happen because it isn't supposed to be there in the first place.

I want to make the best of it, but that's what's happening to me right now.

[the-ihavenoideawhatimdoing]

Unfortunately my perception of anyone with a learning disability or a developmental disorder has been skewed by my FUCKING IDOT OF A BROTHER

I've ranted about him too much to friends.... I genuinely cannot comprehend how little he can do by himself. Like he needs his hand to be held and gently guided... He's 21... He was diagnosed with autism at 18... And my parents knew he likely had autism and did things to help with it, like he had a strict schedule as long as I can remember. He still lives with us, he's finally getting a job and he can't even fill out an application by himself. I'VE DONE IT BY MYSELF MANY TIMES I HAVE A JOB IM 16 AND GO TO SCHOOL AND HE THINKS THAT ANY JOB OVER 40 HOUR IS GOING TO WAYYYYY TO FUCKING BUSY FOR HIM BECAUSE HE GOES TO COLLEGE (ITS 2 CLASSES THAT ARE 2 HOURS LONG BUDDY PLEASE) like I just can't understand why a job ( when he has had one before that he was pretty good at but had to quit because he went on a church mission(a whole other rant)) a job could be so overwhelming, maybe it's just me who doesn't understand autism as much as I should but my parents have been pushing him to get a job for months (8 months) they are in medical debt because my mom has multiple chronic diseases and he still expects her to get up when he can't find the bleach IT WHERE IS ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND WE TELL HIM THAT BUT HE JUST CANT FIND SO NOW I HAVE TO GET UP SO MY MOM DOESN'T HAVE TO AND GUESS WHAT IT WAS UNDER THE SINK WHERE WE SAID NOT EVEN HIDDEN. And he constantly talks about how he's going to do this and that for the family(like fix gutters and paint the basement) but he doesn't, they are empty promises... He can't even do household chores because he's just so tired all the time, but he does nothing but play games all day then go to his classes, then when I come back from work complain about how tired I am it's like a competition on who is more tired... Buddy please just because you woke up earlier than you usual does NAWT make you more tired than me who just did labor in the hot burning sun. I honestly think the only reason I get so peeved is because he doesn't understand his limits so when he gets super motivated to do something and it doesn't work out and he gets super bummed and complains to everyone about it AND when we have fights my parents tell me to "just deal with it" I was told this before he was diagnosed. No I don't wanna just deal with his disrespectful ass . I have sensitive ears and I HATE being touched. I have been like this all my life and he still can't get through his thick head that I've set the hard boundary of asking before being touched and I've even explained what being touched is like even a poke on my skin feels like I have bugs crawling under my skin but he still does it... Why can't he understand, why can't he just respect what I've asked. I've always been happy to accept when he asked because at least I understand that he needs physical contact because that is one of his love languages. I understand his boundaries (or at least try to, I may not be in the right some of the time but like it's been like this for years)

So now when it's brought up that someone has autism or any other learning/developmental disorder I get pre annoyed because my perception has been skewed, my 1st thought (which I do feel bad about and I try to correct) is that they are fucking idiots who are babies that can't be adults because they expect that the world will just hand everything to them for free with no real hard work of effort

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk, I'm going to blast Rihanna to make me feel better.

(if there is any advice please help, even if its me being the idiot anything 🙏🙏🙏)