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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????
#ramble#my first thought was like: how is this even a debate what about blind people. not every book comes in braille but MOST have an audiobook#or dyslexic people#you still enjoyed the book!! you still absorbed it!!! you got EXACTLY the same thing as people who read the words!!!#how does it not count????#i guess you miss out on the 'learning new vocab' you get through seeing the words but also#i don't really do audiobooks but i do a lot of podcasts esp fiction podcasts#and i have ABSOLUTELY picked up new stuff from there that helps with my writing#someone please explain how this is even an argument of COURSE it counts????#idk in my opinion finishing a book means 'i put the words in my brain and i thought about them and i enjoyed a story'#not 'i held a stack of paper in my hands for a bit'#i'm v lucky that i do have time to sit and read. and whenever i commute anywhere it's public transport so i CAN bring a book with me#but if i didn't have the free time or had to drive for hours everywhere i would be STOKED to still get to enjoy books#it's been REALLY bothering me lmao idk why i feel so strongly#for some reason it's giving the same energy as like. being told you can't take a comic or manga from the library bc it's not a 'real' book#of course it's a real book it's a story somebody wrote down#i can see this spiralling into 'if you have a kindle you aren't reading'. you have to sniff the paper. feel the papercuts
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I have no friends that play lads and after the trailer with Caleb my mind is in ruins and all i can think is arranged marriage between Colonel Caleb and his general's daughter. Ughh the tension and the dramaaaaa.
Thats it, thats all i had to say, thank you for coming to my ted talk (i really needed to yap about that to someone) 😂😂😂😂😂
🥹 Anon~ come back. Let's chat some more. I'll entertain all of your Caleb brainrots 🫶 You should also know that I saw this message this afternoon while I was out shopping.......the high-pitched gasp I had let out in public, because why is this right up my alley 😭😭😭 Ok I originally thought out like the whole situation in bullet points, but writing this one scene gotten out of control, because why did I get so into it, so I guess...consider this a snippet of sorts (it's kind of messy, but I was rushing)? 🫣 (or should I polish this up and repost it as an actual fic? I'm really digging this premise, if I'm honest 🤔)
You didn't have a say.
You didn't agree to this marriage. The General—your father, you remind yourself, often feeling emotionally estranged from the man who has never once raised you, viewing you as secondary to his military career—has arranged for you to wed his colonel.
Colonel Caleb. He is young, ambitious, and with a bright future ahead of him. He will rise through the ranks quickly, many believe. No one is surprised that the young man is betrothed to the general's daughter. It seems only right that such an esteemed union should happen, bringing two honorable families together.
You didn't have a say.
The General—your father, you correct yourself again, your nerves getting the best of you—is walking you down the aisle, his arm looped around yours—tightly. The organ is playing the Wedding March. Why does it sound like a dirge?
All eyes are on you, the blushing bride in her beautiful pristine white, lacy long-sleeved demure wedding gown. You didn’t choose this. You didn’t want to wear this dress. You didn’t want to wear this style. This isn’t you.
You didn't have a say.
The guests are all part of the military. You don't know these people. They're the General's—Father's—acquaintances. His peers, his colleagues. Subordinates and superiors. They are all acquaintances of his. Who are these strangers?
"Don't mess this up," he whispers under his breath as you approach your waiting groom, dressed in his most formal uniform for this nuptial. This is his only fatherly advice as he gives his one daughter's hand away—to a man she doesn't even know.
You don't have a say.
The ceremony proceeds without a hitch. You didn't look at your groom, or rather, you barely registered the man in front of you. You had moved through the motion, did everything you were supposed to, just like in the pre-rehersal ceremony, but you weren't there. It was like your mind had slipped away, and your body was just moving along on autopilot.
"You may kiss the bride," the priest declares.
Your mind returns, and you still when he kisses you. There is cheering and applause. You aren't happy. Is he happy?
You close your eyes, just letting this happen. It will be over soon. Just let it happen.
You don't have a say.
His arm loops through yours, leading you back down the aisle. There is more cheering and applause, and as you leave the church, the sun shines brightly on your marriage, and flower petals are tossed in the air, raining down over you and your groom.
There is so much joy and congratulations. Why then does it feel like the end of the world?
You don't respond, your face unwittingly tucking away into his arm as he leads you away for the wedding reception.
You don't even remember the reception. Did it even happen? Did you eat? Danced? Were there speeches or well-wishes? What did the wedding cake taste like?
You don't remember.
It was mid-afternoon when you had left the church, but now suddenly nightfall came without warning. How did that happen?
You exit a car, your hand in his.
This is a hotel. Right. A hotel.
It's your wedding night. A marriage is consummated on the wedding night. That is how it typically goes.
You have to consummate your marriage. You have to...sleep with your newly-wedded husband. Your husband. Caleb.
You didn't want to consummate this marriage. You didn't even want to get married. But you couldn't say no. You couldn't say no to any of this, and now, you know you also couldn't say no to him.
You don't have a say.
His hand is so much bigger than yours, you notice, as he holds yours, silently guiding you to your honeymoon suite.
Every step, every action, brings you closer to that moment. You barely register anything, not even hearing the beep when Caleb swipes the key card on the digital lock of the suite.
You're led into an extravagant suite. There is a vase of red roses and champagne chilling in an ice bucket, all courtesy of the hotel.
Still, you don't feel like you are in the moment, being completely lost in your head. You have to sleep with him. You didn’t want to marry him. You don't want to be married. You don't want to sleep with him. You don't want him.
You don't have a say.
He pours you a glass of champagne. You drink it, hoping it will calm your nerves. It doesn't. You feel like you are slipping, thoughts running haywire.
"You look very beautiful," he says, his hand brushing away the loose strands of hair that framed your face. His hand cups your face, his lips on yours before you even realize what is happening.
He sets the glasses to the side, taking you to bed. You sit on the edge next to him, his lips on yours again. You're not responding. He stills, but just for a moment. Did he notice? He continues, his lips along your neck, his hand reaching behind you for the zipper of your wedding dress.
You feel a chill.
He undresses you, lays you on the bed, completely exposed to him. You're not registering anything, breathing shuddering as he looms over you, slowly undressing himself now.
This is happening. You can't say no. Just go with it. It will all be over soon. Just do your duties. Just drift away, and it will all end soon.
He leans down and kisses you again, and you don't respond. His hands explores you, and you close your eyes, trying to think of anything but this moment. You don't even realize that you are tensing until he stops.
"You're...crying?"
You gasp, eyes opening in shock when he brushes your tears away. He looks hurt. Why?
He kisses your forehead. "We don't have to do this," he reassures you.
You don't understand. This is expected. You can't say no. You couldn't say no to any of this. You can't say no to him either.
"We...don't?" You find your voice, as small and scared as it was.
There is so much sadness in his eyes. Why?
He smiles. There is no joy. He smiles and shakes his head.
"But...I...have...to....we have to..."
He is confused. "Says who?"
Is he really expecting an actual response? You feel lost and confused.
"Every...everyone," you answer him.
He huffs and shakes his head again. "We don't have to," he says again. "I won't force myself on you if you're uncomfortable."
"But...we are married—"
"We are married," he says firmly, "You are my wife, and I am your husband. What happens—or doesn't happen—behind closed doors is our business. Not anyone else's."
But people will talk. Time will pass, and people will start wondering why you aren't pregnant yet. That is how it goes, right? First comes marriage and then comes the baby carriage, or however the fuck it's supposed to go. You have to go through with this, the whole nine yards, or people will talk.
The military is full of secrets, but rumors will still snake their way throughout until it reaches your father. If he knows, he will blame you for embarrassing him in front of his colleagues. For being a worthless daughter who couldn't do this one thing right.
You have no say in this. You can rebel all you want, but he will always make you cower in the end and bend to his will, just like how this marriage has happened.
"We have to," you tell Caleb, surprising him, "I'm...I'm okay with this."
You gasp when he pulls you up and into his arms, your face pressed to his chest. His hand is big, you think again, feeling it stroking the back of your head, but you also realize it is so gentle. He is so much bigger than you, can easily overpower and overwhelm you, but he doesn't.
He is so, so gentle with you. Why?
You don't even realize you had started crying, your body trembling against his, until he asks, "Are you scared of me?"
And you pause, breathing still shaky.
He continues to rub the back of your head. He sighs suddenly, and he whispers into your hair, "You don't have to be scared of me. I won't hurt you. I won't force you to do anything you don't want to."
"It’s...not you," you say eventually, still unsure if you were being completely truthful with him. "It’s..."
You falter, unsure of where your fears truly lie. Him? The Gener—Father? Or...everything?
He shushes you again. "Don't worry about anyone else. Just trust me."
You look up hesitantly, your tears blurring your vision. He brushes away those tears.
You're looking at him. Truly looking at him for the first time.
His eyes are violet, you realize suddenly. They are so pretty.
"I'll protect you," he promises, "I'll keep you safe, so please....please don't be scared of me."
#x — 💌#mina-lupu#love and deepspace#love and deepspace caleb#love and deepspace x reader#caleb x reader#lads scenarios#hfjsksksjsjd#is this what is happening now#people say caleb and i just go and write out a wholeass scene/story 😭😭😭#i'm so pathetic for him is this worse than what happened last time with sylus (iykyk........)#pls i was gonna go eat dinner#two hours have now passed and no dinner has been consumed#.....#bye 🫶
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🌿 DAY 5
The sky is grey, it looks like a storm is coming.
#it's been raining over here oh my stars i just wanna go out please LET ME OUT (RATTLES THE BARS)#snufkin#moomins#moominvalley#the moomins#brought to you by clip studio paint because im having a divorce arc with ms paint#hoping i dont write my tag wrong again and not realize hours later#“why are you so tall. you're supposed to be shorter. SHRINK.” -me when i accidentally drew him in my regular style
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Ok so I have a lot of opinions about this.
You can break this down in to a few categories. The first, what is Art and the second what is AI, third does that give you a right to it?
The first part is incredibly complicated to define and wrap your head around, but litterally anything can be art because art doesn't have to mean nice, or pleasant, or kind, or anything else. Art simply exists because we say it does, and sometimes that's gobshite and induces permeant psychic damage. This can stretch from highly realistic oil paintings to pissing in the snow, and the walk you take from one to the other.
Leading on from that, when it comes to curating Art does the fact something is art give it the right to exist? Is art alone reason enough? That's a complicated answer for most people but gets worse very fast. Does art made in hate have a right? Does art that creates damage have a right? Does art need to be good to have a right? All complex stuff.
Second, what is AI? Now we call it artificial intelligence but a better term for it is applied statistics. It looks at millions of pictures and determine that statistically based on this parameters this is what should probably go here. Ultimately it's a game if averages. This is why AI art tends to add weird water marks to things, cause the data tells it statistically if you are making art this goes here; why? Cause that's what everyone else does. Like writing, statistically the next word should be this, and in art statistically the colour that goes here should be this.
So what are the rights involved?
First is copyright. Someone has the right to their work. It is their work and they can decide what is done with it. They can sell that right, give it away, let it expire, share it with the world, but the copyright of something lies with the creator at creation and it is an active choice about what to do with it after that.
Extended to this is the copyright of the work made by the AI. Does it belong to the person who prompted it, or does it belong to the person who made the tool? Does it belong to the company who owns the tool? What rights did you sign away to use the tool to make the picture?
Second, the right to satire and fair use, "transformative" works This is the right to take something and use it to make something of your own. This has laws around it, about monetisation and what counts as plagiarism and what counts as fair use. This can get very complicated: the difference between collage and the death of your academic career.
Third, not in law but in society, is what we are doing fair? Is it fair to take this from someone and use it without their permission, just because it is legal to do so?
All of this is untested in a court of law so the legality of it is essentially legal until proven otherwise.
As for the fairness of it, people who have their work stolen to make these algorithms have made their opinions known about it. They do not like it and would like you to stop doing it. They do not want their art taken and used like this.
So is AI a valid form of expression? I don't think so, not in my personal opinion.
I can tell you it is art, but that is a meaningless title and does not lend it virtue.
I can tell you it is not intelligence, only average. It will only ever be average. It is all it can be.
I can tell you the people who's art was stolen to make it don't want you to do it. They do not want their art to be used like this.
There's a longer essay in here on the desire for aesthetically pleasing passive consumerism in art and the Instagram effect, effortless beauty, but I won't go in to that. There's a lot to say about AI that I haven't said here. People will be writing thesis about this for decades.
My personal opinion is using AI makes you a dick, but you are in fact perfectly entitled to be a dick if you want to be. People are also entitled to think the art is worthless, harmful, cruel, degrading, and silly.
The other day i was talking with my girlfriend about the use of AI in art. I as an artist myself believe that as long as there's transparency and honesty on the fact that IT'S AI, people shouldn't be judged for using it to express their own feelings.
There's multiple reasons why someone who likes expressing with art may use ai; maybe a disability, bad coordination, or even just not "being good" at art.
so i wanted to ask tumblr, mostly because I'm bored and i wanna see the opinions on this. Of course feel free to reblog and comment!
again, pls feel free and encouraged to comment and reblog!!
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[ID: a digital drawing of riz gukgak from fantasy high. in the front is a relatively small drawing of riz juggling books that are falling out of his hand and a phonecall, and he has a huge backpack on. he looks a bit overwhelmed, hair flying in all directions, and has a nervous smile on. in the background is a large shadow of riz, only one glowing eye and a shining gun visible. the background is red, giving an eerie feel. End ID]
Kill your best friend
Cheat your way to your rogue teacher
Announce your presidential campaign
Don't let them know how angry you are
LEARN TO RECOGNIZE A MONSTER
#riz gukgak#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year spoilers#ik the 'uh oh i fucking miscalculated big time' applies to all the bad kids BUT riz is my little blorbo so#and he was the first to go full brutal in s1 and was likely the one ppl would've seen it coming from the least#i dont need to justify myself i love all their dichotomies. my homicidal blorbos who're on a slippery slide to becoming the villains#as they grow more powerful but still react to threat with a 'no holds barred' approach#wait wait this isn't an analysis post jskdjsdjk art! had a lot of fun with this one#have the funniest 'sketch' for this that i did that was me drawing w my laptop touch pad (? the touchy mouse thing) w notes so i dont forge#the idea back when i didnt have the juices to draw it and was also in the armchair writing fic and didnt want to move stations#im still experiment with colours and now im also figuring out gradients which is super fun! correction layers my beloved <3#also didn't use my usual canvas size and had to keep making it bigger and bigger so its unfortunately compressed#such is life#did some warmup before this for once bcs i felt like working on my no-underdrawing drawing skills#have this beautiful pen brush and a new big (for me) sketchbook so i went to town with some references open#also working on tackling the wretched face angles. why do our faces Do That#anywayyyy the list is from kipperlilly's pov in case it wasn't clear#im looking forward to eventually rewatching s3 and giving her another chance#like i COULD get sick abt her. theres potential there bcs i do love angry annoying women who stick to their shit#im leaving now i simply have to hydrate its been hours#eyestrain tw#sorry for the late tw i work with so many layers of eye protection on my laptop that it took looking at this on my phone to go uh oh
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a lot of thoughts are being thunk
#havent been the same ever since i saw this clip a few hours ago#like its just. so simple but oh my gOD he makes me feel so many things#i dont wanna go all full obsessive on here bcs its embarrassing but#are yall even seeing his curlsssss like how has the rest of the world not just stopped to admire his hair????#how can people just go on with their lives without freaking out#and his pretty pretty pretty eyes#can never get enough of them#and just. everything about him is perfect?? like the nose and cheeks and#said i wasnt gonna get obsessive and then it still happened 🙃 i apologize#anyways. cutie pie#i reeeeaaallllyyyy need to write more college!will but i have no ideas 💔#nhl#hockey#will smith#william smith#san jose sharks#will smith hockey#sharks
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pine barrens by jakey THEEE existential personhood horrors song ever.... applies to the stans uncomfortably well tbh (╥﹏╥)
Palestine: Funds | Action | eSims | Info Sudan Resources | Congo Resources | Lebanese Red Cross
#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#stanley pines#stanford pines#(screams quietly into a pillow for a while) okay i'm good now !! ^^#the instant i remembered also that the pine barrens in question are the pine barrens of new jersey#i fully said IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER out loud to myself LMAO#could write essays upon essays about how mutually fucked up it is#stan having buried himself and ford having been buried#but alas im very tired and gonna be on the road for six hours today so fhejejjsj#flashing video#animatics#stangst#i FORGOT there's a SPECIAL TAG for tormenting the boys LMAO
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I've been crying the whole DAY. Look back is literally an ode to someone who loves to create, who works their ass off to improve at it and sometimes it just doesn't matter because they are still going to be people that will be better than you and then you think you don't love that much anyway, so why care to keep doing it at the end? You enjoy it better as an spectator, without all the trouble that comes with doing it yourself
Until you remember WHY you started loving in the first place, why despite the fact it takes time, it's stressful, makes you angry, makes you sad or even if people tells you that you should be doing something else... at the end, still makes you happy, still makes you find people who love the same thing as you and you made them happy too, still makes you feel that you can do something that comes from you and no one else can because it's You.
And if you worked so hard for it once, it was for a reason, and sometimes you just forget what it was, but doesn't mean it isn't there anymore. Because the past you, the now you and the future you, come from the same place and it deserves to be happy, and that's unique and it is something worth working for
#i just. i love this shit so much dude i have been crying like 20 hours.#i dont know if its because it hits too close to home or im just mentally unstable or botH#AAAAAAHHHH#look back#im so sorry for yapping so much about this its just i love writing and the inherent human love for creating something#I'm crying again
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taking a short break from writing to draw my rook and her little murder of crows <3
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you can read Rookie on ao3
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#rook#viago de riva#lucanis dellamorte#illario dellamorte#andarateia cantori#rook de riva#there is no outfit in the game that is perfect#so whatever i mishmashed a couple bits i liked#and then because i grew up drawing fire emblem the outfit looks vaguely fire emblemish#anyway i want to draw more but ive been so into writing#and they both are such time consuming hobbies i can only do one at a time#why dont i have 48 hours in a day
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(OC Lore and design time!)
(it got longer again ... sorry ... idk how to make things short, i just need to talk, but i guess if you can read the written stuff in the pic thats the barest bare bones of what i wrote here)
i was asked what new lore story stuff i had thought about that made me sad which i mentioned a bit ago, and while that is too hard to explain given all the missing context i thought i could at least talk about lore having to do with it :D
so, (Lord) Eadrya is one of my fav OCs (big blue lad, here a rough sketch in humanoid form) they are both one of if not THE most powerful demon alive and the most battle trained;
at the mid point of the story the demon world gets invaded by the celestials (the angel inspired things i talked about in the previous lore post with Xaror) and Shargon, as the king, should be their first and only frontline, but at this point his life is only being sustained by maschinery after being mortally wounded, he cannot fight (he realizes what is going on, rips himself off the maschinery to get at least his youngest child to safety, barely managing it before dying- the guardian, the demons god, takes over his body to attempt to fight against the celestials but cant keep itself alive long enough since its host is already dead) Eadrya takes the role of the frontline fighter (despite being very full of themselves and aggressive they care about their 'job' of protecting their own, also giving them the chance to show off just how strong they are); the fight was going well for them all things considered, but when the guardian activates it drains the power of all elemental lords (which Eadrya is one of, and since they have the most strength it also takes the most from them), so much so that they lose the fight and suffer deadly wounds (the worst being a spear through the chest made of a material that grows hard, root-like formations when in contact with demonic blood like a fungus but worse, also stopping any self healing processes) after the guardian falls apart it creates a huge shockwave of energy that stuns every living thing within a certain distance and possibly more-
Eadrya (in true demon form, so like a blue whale in size at least) was likely taken through an active gateway to the human world in a large tidal wave also created by the guardians fall; they wash up in the harbor of a small secluded village, the head of which is 'lady 13'; although never having seen a demon before and everyone being afraid (largely thinking its a strange hurt animal, only she suspected otherwise), they still gather all villagers to pull out the celestial spear, which is diffcult and brutal given that its already taken root, but the village lacked both knowledge and means to help any other way- doing so damaged their heart which is how they were able to collect samples of all three demonic blood types ('normal' -red like humans-, energy -essentially purely magic- and heartblood -highly concentrated energy only found within the heart of a demon and the only one to contain genetic material) (this is the start of Eadryas character arc, having to deal with the fact that their world is likely destroyed, them failing what they didnt think they could fail, having lost a battle so badly (even if not really their fault) for the first time and not knowing if literally anyone else has survived .. also being now stuck in the human world, which they dont like)
Lady 13 (placeholder name? stands for experiment 13) is a human that was tricked by demon hunters to enroll into a series of experiments trying to create hybrids of demons and humans, which they hoped would be powerful and easily controllable tools for their endeavours, though the two are inherently not compatible, they tried grafting body parts of demons on humans to make them compatible- all experiments failed except for her, more or less, though she never got to see the hybrid she carried and was then told it had died too, they threw her out believing she wouldnt survive much longer either and all such experiments were cancelled due to the high cost of human life, research material (demons are still rare) and upkeep with no successful results Lady 13 survived though (perhaps even via the pirates picking her up?) and she ended up living in said small village far away, hiding her half demonic body, though most know there soemthing 'wrong' with her (her being this tall when it doesnt fit the rest for one), only few know the full extent; she enjoys the life she has now, perhaps on the more poor side but safer and more loved than ever before; she largely lead the efforts to try and help Eadrya when they ended up in the harbor, though there wasnt that much anyone could do it was still enough- they leave immediately after waking up, but return after really having nowhere to go and struggling to deal with everything that has happened; over time (probably years) they start to open up towards the people there (though not .. very much) enough to get rather close with Lady 13 too- she actually falls madly in love but after Eadrya (extremely aro/ace) rejects all her attempts quite clearly she respects their boundaries
However, after hearing news of potential demon sightings Eadrya decides to leave in hopes of not being the last demon left after all; Lady 13 then decides to reveal her secret to them (though hearing and seeing what lengths hunters would go to for their experiments makes them absolutely seething with rage- she insists on not being out for revenge) and asks if they would be willing to donate a small amount of heartblood; shes always wanted to be a mother but is now incompatible with humans too- through things she picked up back at the experiments facillity, hers and her doctors research she is sure that is all that is needed, she dares to ask since she does not know when, if ever, she will meet another demon, much less one she could actually trust enough for this though Eadrya hesitates (why would she want to go through the same thing again that didnt work and threatened her life, if it does work, do they want to be involved with any of this? what if hunters find out it worked after all?) but after her ensuring that they would have no part in it other than giving up a little blood and would not be considered a parent in any way, nor made responsible for anything that might happen to her, but considering it all in the end they agree to it
only for her to reveal shes had a small bottle of it already, along with multiple samples of the other types, which she collected when Eadrya was bleeding out into the harbor not knowing if they will survive, though not wanting to make use of it without their consent either way (they are actuallly rather touched by this)
alot later the main group returns here and it turns out to have worked (though she is unable to walk/bedridden for a long while bc it did alot of damage to her body, which can heal since its demons parts, but only really slowly bc she does not have a full functioning system and no demonic blood of her own -she uses the other samples for the healing process-) though its a little awkward to explain, especially considering that 13.1 took alot after Eadrya xD (their theory as to why it worked so "well" that time is that even though the sample was already taken, them giving their consent for it still made it less likely to be rejected; demons dont need partners to have offspring, and all can do it, they just have to decide to- so them agreeing to it, even though its long been outside their body, still had an effect on the blood sample)
#ganondoodles#art#ocs#original art#oc lore#demons#monsters#WHY does writing things liek this take me so long#i spent two hours again on this and im falling asleep as we speak bc its almost 2 am#ANYWAY this was alot again ... sorry#but its a relatively new storyline that i have been afraid of telling#since it touches on things im afraid might come across wrong and uses themes im a lil uncomfy with#but i found it interesting ... and works well with eadrya as a character bc it challenges alot about them#yes im wrote and mean this genuinely#i would have made the cut from her human body to the demon parts more smooth ... but this hard cut is the point#so that she looks rather normal on the upper part and can hide the rest#thoguh im unsure about the color scheme and if maybe i should be more creative with the demons parts#then again its largely just legs lol#if anyone actually reads this ........ i hope it comes across correctly#i like to use darker and more mature themes but am riddled with anxiety over how it will be understood#im gonna work on zelda comic stuff again now .. sorry for all the oc spam#but if there are questions PLEASE feel free to ask im pretty sure i have answers to almosst anything?#also i havent thought of a name for her or the kid .. though im starting to like lady 13#13.1 wont do as a name though poor kid deserves a proper name after already being a weird hybrid that shouldnt exist#either way ... going to bed now GOODNIGHT q-q#(any typos are excused by me being deadly tired ok)
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Maglor: Elrond where is Elros?
Elrond: theoretically, if he was hungry and I gave him some berries to eat and that theoretically made him sick, would you theoretically tell me off?
Maedhros, shouting in the distance: MAGLOR SOMEONE BROKE THE ANGRY ONE.
Elros, between coughs: I thought you knew your plants Elrond?!
Maglor, pinching the bridge of his nose: Valar save me.
#silm crack#silm shitpost#Kidnap fam#maglor#maedhros#the rings of power#i'm tagging rop because that is where my mutuals live#You know who you are#I have been writing for four hours someone stop me#rings of power#silmarillion#lotr#elrond#elros#elrond and elros
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Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between
#to be or not to be. that is the question#ty adam for being my model for dramatic vampire moment#musings on the thinkings about:#when to live you are required to hurt others. you must repeatedly ask yourself what the value of your life is#To sleep... perchance to dream...#ah. THERES THE RUB.#ok I actually couldnt come up with too many thoughts. I had a lot more while I was drawing this but I guess I put them in the painting LOL#reading that soliloquy and being like damn this is just like vampires#the reality of course is that the soliloquy is a debate over suicide and ultimately making the choice to live#even if just out of fear of the unknown#and vampires are about dying and then in undeath choosing to continue to live#despite the fear of eternity and loneliness and hurting others#theyre not the same. but like let me thiiink come onnnn I'm allowed to thiiink and have incomplete thoughts#I would have to write like a proper essay about this to organize my thoughts. this is the tags on a tumblr post.#anyways finished episode 79#working on patreon stickers for this month (and next month soon)#and working on book 4. taking a pause from episodes cause I've got 3 weeks of buffer now... UGH#I'm so mad that they changed it. it would have been 5 weeks before but it's fine it's whatever#anyways yeah taking a break from episodes to make my book now!#its good stuff.#and this painting is good stuff#banger after banger from me tbh#this was a little relaxing giving myself a couple hours to muse#it's necessary for my health and I always forget that til I do a painting...#I loved doing the little landscape in the background too I should do that more! I love how plants are just like whatever shape you want#like you can make up any plant you want and not only does that plant PROBABLY exist somewhere#a weirder plant exists somewhere too. so. literally whatever you want#ok bye again for a few days while I get back to work
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I am very sane and normal :D
#my art#sonic the hedgehog#sth#IAMDID#shadow the hedgehog#captain shadow#pirate sonic#sonic pirate au#pirate au#sonadow#this is technically a spoiler but it’s a small one and from early chapters so eeeh#drawing this scene because I’ve been stuck in a meeting for four hours and I can’t write it#I have fallen so deep into the sail ship rabbit hole#my hyper fixation for sonic is dragging me into an hyper fixation for pirates and ships#and idk how to feel about that#I mean it’s super cool but I have been neglecting so much stuff for the brain worms#hyper fixation is fun until you can’t work anymore because the only thing you can think about are sails#HENDHAKDNHAHAHAHA
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MORE JAIME SMUT PLEASE YOUR LAST ONE WAS SO GOOD 🧎🏽♀️🧎🏽♀️🧎🏽♀️
pretty. - jaime reyes x reader (nsfw warning)
"Jaime, darling, ah—" Your fingers dig into Jaime's scalp as he licks at you, lower face a mess of your slick and sweat, his eyes half-lidded as he continues to eat you out, staring at you, eyes soft.
"Hm?"
The vibrations cause you to jolt slightly, oversensitive from the previous orgasms, legs shaking slightly as he blinks at you, doe-eyed.
"'s too much." You mumble, running your hand through his hair.
Jaime detaches himself from you, string of your slick on his lips, a pout on his face. "one more, please? mi vida? Just one more."
You whimper, shaking your head lightly.
"One more, please?" He drums his fingers against your upper thigh, pout pulling further down.
You grimace.
"Please?" He bats his lashes at you.
"Will you fuck me after it?"
"Of course, mi vida. Anything you ask for." He smiles.
"Last one." You mumble. "N then you fuck me, alright?"
"Yes, yes," Jaime hums, pressing a kiss to your inner thigh. "anything for you."
your final orgasm crashes down on you in waves, your toes curling and mouth hanging open as it hits you, and your moan is like music to Jaime's ears. He watches as you come down from the high, grinning from ear to ear. Only he's seen you like this. Only he gets to. That thought makes him happy on its own.
reblogs are appreciated (˵ •̀ < ˵ ) ✧
#COMING RIGHT UP ANON o7#im running on 3 hours of sleep as I write this btw the things I have done#jaime reyes x reader#blue beetle x reader#jaime reyes smut#blue beetle smut#this is also not going into the wheel for my 500 reqs thingy bc uh I've been wanting to write this anyway so its like the perfect excuse lo#☾.nsfw#☾.blurbs
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