#and guess what. some of us have work tomorrow.
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gpcwsl · 2 days ago
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Warnings: kissing?
Lia Wälti x Reader:
Title: A Game Of Hearts
MasterList
The café was bright and bustling, the hum of conversation blending with the whirr of an espresso machine. You sat across from Alessia and Kyra, your coffee cooling in front of you, untouched. Alessia’s laughter rang out as Kyra leaned in to whisper something to her, their private little bubble shutting you out again.
You shouldn’t feel bitter. Alessia was your best friend, and you were thrilled that she had found someone who made her so happy. But being the perpetual third wheel had a way of gnawing at your confidence.
“[Y/N],” Alessia said suddenly, pulling you from your thoughts. “You’ve been quiet. You okay?”
You forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.”
Kyra arched an eyebrow, her easygoing demeanor tinged with concern. “You sure? You’ve been working a lot lately.”
You shrugged. “Work’s work. Can’t exactly slack off, can I?”
Alessia exchanged a glance with Kyra, and you knew what was coming—a well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful attempt to dig deeper. You quickly deflected.
“So, how’s training going?” you asked, steering the conversation back to them.
Kyra launched into a story about their last scrimmage, Alessia chiming in with her usual enthusiasm. You nodded along, but their words blurred in your mind. You stirred your coffee absently, watching the foam dissolve into the liquid.
By the time you left the café, your chest felt heavy.
That evening, your phone buzzed with a text from Alessia.
Alessia: Hey, some of the team is going out tomorrow night. You should come!
You hesitated, your thumb hovering over the keyboard. The thought of spending another night feeling out of place wasn’t exactly appealing.
You: I don’t know… I’ll probably just stay in.
Her reply came almost instantly.
Alessia: Nope. You’re coming. Non-negotiable.
You sighed. Alessia had a way of dragging you out of your comfort zone, and you didn’t have the energy to argue.
You: Fine. What time?
Alessia: 7. Dress cute.
The bar was already packed when you arrived. Music thumped through the speakers, the bass vibrating in your chest. You spotted the team near the back, crowded around a long table.
“There you are!” Alessia called, waving you over.
You slid into the booth beside her, the faint smell of her perfume a comforting reminder of home. The rest of the team greeted you warmly, their energy infectious. But as the night wore on, you found yourself retreating into your shell.
It wasn’t intentional; you just didn’t know how to fit into the whirlwind of inside jokes and playful banter. Alessia and Kyra were glued to each other, and the others were too absorbed in their own conversations to notice your quiet withdrawal.
Until Lia Wälti appeared.
“You look like you could use some air,” she said, her voice cutting through the noise like a soft breeze.
You glanced up, surprised. She was standing beside you, her calm demeanor a stark contrast to the chaos around you.
“Is it that obvious?” you asked with a weak laugh.
She smiled, tilting her head toward the door. “Come on.”
Outside, the air was crisp, carrying the faint scent of rain. The quiet was a welcome relief from the bar’s overwhelming noise.
“Thanks,” you said, shoving your hands into your pockets. “I didn’t realize how much I needed that.”
Lia leaned against the wall, her dark eyes studying you. “You seemed a little… out of place in there.”
You shrugged. “I guess I’m not really the ‘night out’ type.”
“Neither am I,” she admitted. “But sometimes it’s good to step out of your comfort zone.”
You nodded, unsure how to respond. There was something about Lia—her presence was steady, grounding. She didn’t push for conversation, letting the silence settle comfortably between you.
When you returned to the table, something had shifted. Lia stayed close, occasionally drawing you into the group’s conversations, and for the first time that night, you felt like you belonged.
The following weeks were a blur of small moments. Lia would invite you to join her for lunch after training or sit with you during team gatherings, her quiet company becoming a constant in your life.
One afternoon, after a particularly exhausting training session, you found yourself sitting on the edge of the field, staring at the empty stands.
“Hey.”
You looked up to see Lia approaching, a bottle of water in her hand. She sat beside you, close enough that her shoulder brushed yours.
“Rough day?” she asked, offering you the water.
“Something like that,” you muttered, taking a sip.
Lia didn’t press, her gaze fixed on the horizon. After a long pause, she said, “You don’t have to carry everything on your own, you know.”
Her words caught you off guard. “What do you mean?”
She turned to face you, her expression soft but serious. “I mean, you have people who care about you. Let them in.”
You swallowed hard, her words striking a chord you hadn’t expected. “It’s not that simple.”
“Maybe not,” she said. “But it’s worth it.”
For the first time in a long time, you felt the walls around your heart begin to crack.
Lia’s idea of a break was a quiet afternoon at a park just outside the city. The two of you strolled along a winding path, the air filled with the scent of blooming flowers and the distant hum of bees.
“This place is beautiful,” you said, your voice hushed as if speaking too loudly would disrupt the tranquility.
“It’s my favorite spot,” Lia admitted. “Whenever I need to clear my head, I come here.”
You walked in silence for a while, the only sound the crunch of gravel beneath your feet. Eventually, you reached a small pond, the water shimmering in the sunlight.
Lia sat on the grass, patting the spot beside her. You joined her, the warmth of the sun on your skin a stark contrast to the nervous flutter in your chest.
“Thank you,” you said after a while.
“For what?” she asked, turning to look at you.
“For this. For… everything.”
Her dark eyes searched yours, her expression unreadable. “You don’t have to thank me, [Y/N]. I’m happy you’re here.”
The air between you felt charged, as if something unspoken was lingering just out of reach. But neither of you acted on it, letting the moment pass.
The team’s weekend retreat was supposed to be a bonding experience, but for you, it was a chance to spend more time with Lia. Sharing a cabin with her was both thrilling and terrifying, every small interaction sending your heart racing.
One night, while the others gathered around a campfire, you stayed behind with Lia. The cabin was quiet, the only light coming from the crackling fireplace.
“I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for months,” you admitted, staring into the flames.
“Why?” Lia asked, her voice gentle.
“Because… I don’t know how to let go. How to stop feeling like I’m not enough.”
She reached out, her hand covering yours. The warmth of her touch sent a shiver through you.
“You are enough, [Y/N],” she said softly. “More than enough.”
You looked at her, your heart pounding. The words were on the tip of your tongue, but fear held you back. Instead, you squeezed her hand, hoping she understood what you couldn’t say.
It happened on a quiet afternoon at Lia’s apartment. You sat across from her, watching her laugh at something you said, and suddenly, you couldn’t keep it in any longer.
“Lia,” you said, your voice trembling.
She looked up, her smile fading as she saw the seriousness in your expression.
“I… I think I’m falling for you,” you admitted, your heart hammering in your chest.
For a moment, she didn’t say anything. Then she reached across the table, taking your hand in hers.
“I’ve been waiting for you to say that,” she said softly.
Relief flooded through you, and when she leaned in to kiss you, it felt like the world finally made sense.
The transition from friends to something more was seamless. Lia was patient and kind, her love quiet but unwavering. Alessia and Kyra teased you endlessly, but their support was a constant reminder of the family you’d found.
As you stood on the sidelines during a match, watching Lia lead the team with her steady presence, you couldn’t help but smile.
You weren’t just a third wheel anymore. You were part of something bigger—something beautiful.
And for the first time, you felt whole.
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mysteryshoptls · 54 minutes ago
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SSR Lilia Vanrouge - Room Relaxation Vignette
"Happy Birthday"
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[Courtyard]
[rustle, rustle]
Lilia: Heeey, Malleuuus~ Come out, come out, wherever you are~ Sebek's about to burst into tears 'cause he can't find you~
Jade: I was curious what you were up to what with your fervent rustling through the hedges… I see, you were searching for Malleus-san.
Lilia: Oh, Jade. We're supposed to be having an important meeting in the dorm right now, but he's nowhere to be found.
Jade: My, an important meeting? How fascinating. Is there some pressing issue?
Lilia: Nothing dire. Actually, the Pop Music Club decide to throw together an impromptu birthday performance tomorrow!
Lilia: And we wouldn't want it to clash with the party we're hosting at the dorm, right? So, we wanted to make sure the schedules lined up.
Jade: Aah… So that's what it was. Speaking of the Pop Music Club, I found the performance they gave during the freshmen club orientation to be utterly captivating.
Jade: To think you were putting in this much effort behind the scenes to make it happen. I'm sure this one will be just as hilar― splendid as last time.
Lilia: Well, yeah, we're gonna go all out and rock on! It'll be in our club room like usual, though.
Lilia: There's no admission to come see us this time. You should come and witness my amazingly passionate screamo.
Jade: Fufufu, just hearing you speak of it is giving me quite the thrill. I definitely will be coming by.
Lilia: Kheeheehee, I'll be waiting. …Oookay, I need to get back to searching for Malleus. See ya, Jade.
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[Diasomnia Dorm – Lounge]
[Diasomnia Students chatter]
Lilia: ―Everyone, I found Malleus. Just as I thought, he hadn't realized it was the meeting time already.
Lilia: Now, we might be a little late, but we'll start the meeting now! We need to quickly chat through the important stuff, since we're short on time.
Lilia: For our Housewarden's sake, we'll start with the agenda for today…
[Diasomnia Student A speaks]
Lilia: …Hm? You've already spoken through the topics? You all thought it would be rude to bother Malleus with this meeting?
Lilia: So you're saying… I DIDN'T NEED TO GO LOOKING FOR MALLEUS~?!
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[Diasomnia Dorm – Lilia's Room]
Lilia: Whew. It's a struggle having so many model students taking initiative...
Lilia: Well, now I'm done with my shower. I'm not taking one step out of my room anymore.
Lilia: Let's gooo, the sun's set already so I'm feelin' at the top of my game. My day finally starts now!
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[Diasomnia Dorm – Lilia's Room]
Lilia: First, I'll do all my daily quests for my game… Huh, where's my keyboard? I swear I had it here yesterday…
[rustle, rustle]
Lilia: Ohh, here it is. It just got completely buried under this stack of papers.
Lilia: There sure are a ton of papers scattered about. This is a test from last year, and that's something I got my first year here. Oh, and this…
「Survey on Quality of Life Improvements for the Student Body」
Lilia: A survey? …Oh right, Crowley was practically demanding that it gets filled in.
Lilia: I was ignoring it, since I couldn't really think of anything to write. I guess I should finish it up before it gets buried under things again.
Lilia: But even so, what am I supposed to request…? We're kept out of the rain and wind, and have fully working AC. I also have an abundance of time to spend eating or enjoying myself.
Lilia: I am able to watch over my family learn, while surrounded by friends. It would be too greedy to ask for anything more.
Lilia: I'll just write, "I have no issues with the current quality of life," and―
[clatter, clatter…!]
[CRASH!]
[THUD! BAM!]
Lilia: Things just keep falling off their little piles whenever I turn around. …But hey, it's no big, since it's not interfering with me at all!
[knock, knock]
Lilia: Hm? Looks like someone's here, and so late at night. Coming! I'll open the door so hold on a sec.
[Diasomnia Student B speaks]
Lilia: Oh, it's just my neighbors. Don't worry, there's no problems here.
[Diasomnia Students leave]
Lilia: Dear me, that's the problem with stone buildings, they make even the smallest noise echo so loudly. Especially when it's quieter at night.
Lilia: Whenever I'd play my instrument, there'd be an uproar about some kind of terrifying sounds echoing night after night.
Lilia: All I was doing each day was playing a little drums while doing a little dance… Dorm life sure can be difficult to get used to.
Lilia: If I didn't have to deal with that, then I could watch movies at full volume, or stream video games…
Lilia: Ohh, I guess this is something I can add to the survey. "Sound travels too easily. I'd like to install a soundproofing system.
Lilia: What else…? Ah! I don't have time to be doing this. I'll miss my consecutive login bonus. I need to log in to the game right now!
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Muscle Red: Farewell, see you next raid.
Lilia: Today's drop rate was trash… On days like this, it's best to just cut my losses and not keep going.
Lilia: Before I turn off my computer, I think I'll check out that online crane game. Sometimes they have some real fun prizes there.
Lilia: Ooh, that plushie armrest looks cute! How many people are waiting in line…? Oh, just one. Perfect, I'll join the queue then.
Lilia: I never thought there'd come a day where I'd be able to play a crane game from the comforts of my room.
Lilia: It has so many different things, from snacks to everyday objects, and even gives a free play for logging in. Someone thought this through real well.
Lilia: Even these dragon feet slippers I'm wearing now was something I won from using those free play tickets.
Lilia: Oh, it's finally my turn. This little plushie looks like it has a heavy head, so… I'll start by dropping the crane around here!
Lilia: Take that! …Nice, it moved like I wanted. Then now, I'll aim for the same place one more time―
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Lilia: ―Now I'm just feeling waaaay exhausted… Even after it felt like it would almost fall, it still took a long time to get there.
Lilia: Everything came out alright in the end, since I got it, but… Looks like it wasn't just the drop rate in the game earlier, my luck is just no good today.
Lilia: But I was able to get what I wanted, so I'm happy with that. Winning it when I wasn't expecting it is just another kind of fun.
Lilia: Well, I guess next I'll continue watching that one drama on the streaming site… Hm? What's this recommended video…?
Lilia: My favorite band just released a new song! I gotta check out their music video right away!
Lilia: Kheeheehee, there's still so much I get to do tonight. I love how every single day is packed full of fun things.
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[Diasomnia Dorm – Lilia's Room]
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Lilia: Urrrgh… Urh… Bright… …Why's there sunlight?
Lilia: Oh, I forgot to close the curtains… ...Tch. …Disgusting…
Lilia: ...Ah, no, I should get up… Hrrrnnngh, so briiight!
Lilia: In the end, I wasn't even able to do half of what I wanted to do. Night sure does pass quickly…
Lilia: If I just get everything ready with magic, I could fall back asleep now and still make it in time for class… Or not, I'd probably just end up sleeping in.
Lilia: I guess I'll head to the washroom to try and wake up.
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[Diasomnia Dorm – Washroom]
[splash]
Lilia: Whew! The water in the wintertime is so chilly that it wakes me right up. Now, next is…
[Diasomnia Student C speaks]
Lilia: Oh hey, good morning. I see you've come to the washroom as well, this morning. …Hm? What am I doing?
Lilia: It's skincare, S-K-I-N-C-A-R-E! You shouldn't skimp on it, you know~? For example, I'm going to…
Lilia: Hm? Was I supposed to start with this watery stuff first? Or was it the more paste-like stuff?
Lilia: …Eh, shouldn't matter which goes on first! Once they're on my skin, it'll all end up the same.
Lilia: 'Kay, skincare done! As for the makeup… Ooh, right, I should try to do the clumpy eyelash I saw in a video the other day.
Lilia: I'll just use magic to toss on my eyeshadow. Done. The eyelash curler is… Ah, here it is.
Lilia: First, I need to make sure my eyelashes are standing straight up. Like―
Lilia: …Ouch! I caught my eyelid! The road to cosmetic beauty sure is filled with pain and patience…
Lilia: Once I brush the little hairs, I need to apply mascara to make them longer before they lose their structure.
Lilia: Then, I'll use the tweezers. I need to make little clumps before the mascara dries―
Lilia: And there we go, I've given myself the doll-like eyelashes that's all the rage with the young folks these days!
Lilia: Hehe, it really goes well with my big and bright eyes.
Lilia: Next is fixing my hair style. I'll just apply some silky smooth hair milk all over my head, and…
Lilia: Then poof it to completion with a bit of magic. Kheeheehee, I look splendid, befitting of what a birthday boy should look like!
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[Diasomnia Dorm – Lilia's Room]
Lilia: Okay, time to get chan… Ouch! Uuuurrrrg… My pinky toe… What numbskull left an amp right in the middle of the walking path!?
Lilia: …Right, this is my room, so the culprit can only be myself. Why does it feel like this room just feels smaller than before?
Lilia: Should I get more storage?
Lilia: …Nah, if I'm going to buy any furniture, I should prioritize getting a small tea table for when Silver and the others come to visit.
Lilia: …Haha, listen to me now. When I was filling out the survey, I thought I was satisfied with everything as they are, but…
Lilia: I can still think of more things I want, and even more things I want to do. Now, when did I learn to wish for such extravagance?
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[Main Street]
Jade: Good morning, Lilia-san. Was yesterday's meeting able to go off without a hitch?
Lilia: Morning, Jade. Both the party and the performance are ready to go. Today is going to be a real fun day.
Jade: Fufu, I am certainly looking forward to see what sort of performance we'll be… blessed with today. A very Happy Birthday to you.
Lilia: Right-o! Make sure you have the time of your life during today's performance, too!
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Requested by @kingren77.
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dollishmehrayan · 50 minutes ago
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# “THE WOMAN WAS TOO STUNNED TO SPEAK…” ── .✦ ( batboys w an unhinged!reader and blunt!reader )
a/n: this is from my little brain of mine , and I like to honor it for @kyriakis anywhoo I’m back and omg 1k?! Alsoo guys dw! I’m gonna do the event tomorrow && I’m gonna pick out some prompts I have organized, so i didn't forget okay but i just got a lot of DMs asking when I’m gonna do it for you guyss so yeah it’s gonna be tomorrow since I’m gonna re-edit + add some ideas of your guys votes!! Tags: (batboys x unhinged!reader)
© dollishmehrayan — ( all rights reserved to me. These works cannot be reposted, translated, or modified. Thank you for understanding dollies! )
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DICK GRAYSON ── .✦
He’s always caught off guard but loves it. Your bluntness is a breath of fresh air for Dick, who’s so used to diplomatic conversations. You say whatever’s on your mind with zero filter, and he’s like, “Oh, wow. Okay. I respect it.”
Hates it when you don’t hold back with him. He’s used to being the charming, funny guy who makes everyone laugh, but you hit him with a “That was dumb, don’t do that again” and his brain short circuits for a second. “You can’t just say that!” “Why not?”
Finds it hilarious when you wreck other people’s egos. You have zero time for anyone’s nonsense, and when someone messes up, you let them know. Dick’s in the background, trying not to laugh. “Do you not think before you speak?!…” He’s always acts so shocked but hey, he’s kinda enjoying it unless it’s aimed at him. (He can’t fight verbally for the life of him without saying some cringe shit)
Doesn’t even try to change you. Dick knows what he’s getting into, and he loves you for it. He’s never going to ask you to ‘tone it down.’ He actually finds your unapologetic attitude pretty hot.
He’s 50% worried you’ll get into trouble, 50% impressed. But in the end, he’ll always back you up, saying, “She’s just honest. Get used to it.”
JASON TODD ── .✦
Finally, someone who speaks his language. Jason lives for the fact that you don’t care what people think. He loves how blunt you are, especially when you cut through the BS with the precision of a sharp knife.
Gets protective when people try to push your boundaries. If someone dares disrespect you, Jason’s the first one to step in. “You’ve got a problem with her? You’ve got a problem with me.”, “Jason that was so fucking cringey..”
Appreciates that you don't sugarcoat things for him. You’ll tell him exactly how it is, whether it’s about his attitude or a bad decision he made, and he respects it, it’s like the tt sound where “that’s when it hit me, it was the best idea I ever had..” but like this: “Not gonna lie, that was a terrible plan, Jay,” and he’ll just nod. “Fair.”
You guys have the most chaotic, weirdest conversations. It’s a mix of witty banter, ridiculous one-liners, and deadpan sarcasm. Other people can’t even keep up with the energy.
The idea of dating a ‘good girl’ never appealed to him anyway. He thrives off your unhinged energy. You’re unpredictable, and it keeps him on his toes, which he loves. “Yeah, you’re definitely not boring.” (Although the thing is he does love innocent people, like if you’re like gen clueless he wants preserve your innocence.)
TIM DRAKE ── .✦
Tim’s brain can’t keep up with you. Your blunt, no-nonsense attitude constantly makes him blink in confusion. One minute you’re casually roasting someone, and the next, you’re giving a straight-up critique of his latest plan. He’s learning that he can’t outthink you.
He admires your unapologetic honesty. Tim has a lot of internalized doubts, so watching you casually reject anyone’s judgment is a nice contrast. You don’t apologize for your thoughts, and it’s something he secretly admires.
Constantly second-guesses himself around you. Your sharp tongue makes him want to be as confident as you. He gets nervous about saying anything that might sound soft, so when he stumbles, you’re like, “What was that? I swear you just whispered something.” And he’ll blush hard, muttering an apology.
You both have a sarcastic sense of humor that others don’t quite get. You say something outrageous, and Tim will respond with the driest remark possible. People in the room often wonder if you two are joking or just genuinely a bit rude.
Not scared to call him out. When Tim’s too nice, you’ll be like, “You need to stop letting people walk all over you. Grow some teeth.” Tim won’t admit it, but that does motivate him to be a little bolder.
DAMIAN WAYNE ── .✦
Damian is a bit taken aback at first. He’s used to people being respectful or like seeing him as kinda a role model, so when you come out with a “That’s dumb, don’t even talk to me right now,” he’s not sure how to handle it. He will stand there, blinking, while processing your bluntness. (He’s too stunned to speak 😞)
Genuinely respects your forthrightness, though. “I’ll admit, I have never met someone so… honest.” He starts respecting you even more, thinking you’re someone he can’t manipulate or charm easily.
Loves that you’re as stubborn as he is. If you’re determined about something, there’s no changing your mind. You’ll fight for your opinions even if it gets you into a heated debate. And Damian’s right there with you, arguing like it’s the most fun thing in the world.
Tries to match your bluntness. “You talk too much,” he says one day, and you immediately reply, “And yet, here you are, listening to every word I say.” Damian actually pauses for a second, impressed. “Right..”
Loves how you’ll shut down his critics with zero hesitation. Someone says something disrespectful to him, and you’ll be the first to shoot back, “He doesn’t need your advice, trust me.” He’ll give you a proud little smirk. “I like the way you handle things.”
BRUCE WAYNE ── .✦
At first, Bruce is a bit disconcerted by your bluntness. Bruce’s the kind of guy who expects people to be formal and classy, and you just come in with “This entire meeting is a waste of my time. I don’t care about any of this.” He blinks, then quietly admires your bravery.
Totally respects your unfiltered honesty. Bruce has had enough of the world’s games, so when you don’t bother to pretend or hold anything back, it’s like a breath of fresh air for him.
Secretly loves when you don’t play nice." He knows you're not afraid of saying what you think, and when you call him out on his brooding or overly protective behavior, he listens. “You’re right. I’m sorry for not trusting you more.” (He totally doesn’t have a tracker on your hair clip..🥰)
You both have moments of pure savage honesty that no one else gets. There’s no need for filters, and you’ll both exchange one-liners so dry that it leaves everyone else in the room confused.
Finds it endearing when you make his plans more interesting. “This is ridiculous. Why are we doing this again?” You snap at him in a room full of his board members, and he just gives you a look that says, “I’m never apologizing for you.”
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backseatsoldier · 1 day ago
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"Broken", Not Stupid - 14
Pairing: alpha!Simon "Ghost" Riley x unusual omega!OC (13)
CW: Omegaverse; dehumanization
Author's Note: How about something more gentle before we get into 13 starting to explain things? I feel a bit bad about part 13 x'D have some cute, fluffy things uwu
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I settle on to the couch just fine and Selene joins me, as Simon said she would. It doesn't take him long to return from the room - blanket in his arms, as promised.
"Lay down." His voice is gentle still but I can tell he's no less tense. I do as he says without argument and Selene jumps up to the back of the couch, curling up directly above my head.
"Are you ok?" I ask as he places the blanket over me.
"I'll be fine. Didn't cut deep."
My hand pops out from under the blanket, fingers wrapping around his wrist carefully.
"I know you know that's not what I meant, Simon."
He freezes at my touch, eyes locked on mine, but doesn't say anyhting. Not right away at least. His fingers twitch slightly before gently sliding over the inside of my wrist.
"Just... angry for you. And the other omegas that Salvation has or has had in their hands. No more talk of it tonight, though," he says firmly, eyebrows raising to emphasize his point. "I'll bring you a plate when dinner's ready. Call for me if you need help with the tv, but otherwise stay put and hang out with Selene."
My grip on his wrist loosens and he pulls away, making his way back to the kitchen.
The tv and remote are fairly simple to work so I check various streaming servies before settling on soem random cartoon. Something about princes and dragons? I'm not sure. Half of my attention was on listening to Simon work in the kitchen.
I find it silly. I've known the guy for a couple of days, probably not even a full twenty-four hours at this point, but I feel more comfortable around him than anyone I've been around in a long time. Or maybe my self-preservation skills aren't as nice as I thought they were. I'm also just used to surviving Salvation's-
No more talk of it tonight. Simon's words ring through my skull and I frown.
Guess that means no thinking about it any more tonight either. Oh, well- oh, elves. Cool!
My attention is drawn to the tv, the story and characters pulling me in easily. Magic and magical beings have always fascinated me. Kind of like the little friend I saw in the sunr-
No. No, that was a rat. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Here," Simon says softly as he puts a bowl down on the coffee table. "Not my best dish, but it is comforting to me."
"What is it?" I ask, sitting up so I can eat.
Inside the bowl seems to be a stew, at least from the looks of it.
"Just what I used to throw together when I'd have a bad day and just needed something easy to cook and eat. Something warm but still good for me. Try it," he nods to the bowl in my hands.
Don't have to tell me twice; it smells wonderful. One bite has my taste buds exploding and my eyes wide.
"This isn't your best dish? Somehow I don't believe that," I argue through a mouthful of the stew.
He chuckles and shakes his head.
"One of the simplest and quickest things I could make. I take it you like it then?"
I groan as I take another bite and his chuckle grows to a quiet, shoulder shaking laugh.
"I'm almost scared to know what else you're able to cook," I admit as a joke through another bite. "When did you learn to cook?"
"Had an involuntary leave a few years back," he shrugs and settles back into the couch. "Needed something to do with my hands so I decided to learn to cook and bake."
"You bake too? Jeez, are you sure you need an omega?" I scoff, smiling.
His head turns so he can look directly at me. He almost looks irritated.
"There's more to life as an omega than 'household duties'. We'll save that discussion for tomorrow, though. Would you like me to teach you? Then, if you'd like, you can practice while I'm out for work and surprise me with any new-found skills when I get back."
"You're offering to teach me to cook and bake? Do you even have time? From the way you and Johnny have been talking, you'll be gone the majority of the time."
The omega in my head is unsettled by the idea of him not being around often, but the rest of me doesn't mind. I'm not big on human company constantly anyway.
"Price, my captain, knew I'd be searching for an omega so I'm on leave right now. Plus we're in-between missions right now anyway." Simon pauses for a moment, expression neutral. "You haven't asked what I do for work."
The unspoken question of 'Are you going to ask?' lingers in the air. I take a couple more bites of my food, finishing what's in the bowl and placing it on the coffee table.
"I'm curious," I nod. "But is it really my business?"
"It is as much as it can be. I can't go into full detail, but I can give you the general information."
I shift on the couch, turning so my legs are tucked under me and I'm facing him. The blanket also gets moved so it's over my shoulders and head as I pull it closed in front of me. This seems to amuse Simon considering the small crinkle near his eyes.
"I'm a lieutenant, SAS. My team consists of four individuals, including myself, but we occasionally recruit people from other branches of the military. Sometimes even people from other countries' militaries - like Jeanz, she's part of Ireland's military."
"Who else is on your team? Johnny?" I prob for more answers, curiosity taking over.
"Johnny is one of the two sargeants in my team, yes. The other is Kyle and Price is our captain. The three of them are the people who know me best in this world," he adds the last sentence with almost a sad tone to his voice.
"Are Kyle and Price who I'll meet tomorrow?"
"Yes. If you and I want to do something about Salvation, I'll need to involve them. Are you ok with sharing your experieinces with more than just me?"
"It might take me a moment to get settled with them around, but I'll do my best," I offer with a shrug. "Fourteen years is also a lot of 'experience' to cover so this may take more than just tomorrow."
"It'll take time," he agrees with a slight nod. "I don't want you to think or worry about tomorrow, okay? They're good men and they'll be here to help. If at any point you're uncomfortable or need a break, you can tell me. Until then..."
He trails off as he adjusts and motions for me to come closer.
"Grab the remote and come here. Had a relization while cooking and woud like to fix my mistake."
I do as he says, but I give him a confused look as I scoot closer.
"Mistake? Simon, you've not done anything-"
"That's the problem. Lay down with your head on my lap. You may be an independent woman, but I'm sure the omega side of you is feeling rather nelgected. If it makes you too uncomfortable, you can move, but please try."
A soft blush warms my cheeks at his words, but I lay down just like he told me to. It feels... awkward, but still comfortable. I curl further into the blanket - his blanket - and glue my eyes to the tv.
Cinnamon and cedar fills my senses and I relax further, letting myself roll slightly towards him to truly rest against him. It doesn't take long for Selene to curl up near my chest. It takes even less time for my eyes to slip closed and for me to drift into a truly relaxing sleep.
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Masterlist | CoD Masterlist | Part One
Tag List: @lucienofthelakes @lostintransist @demothers-empty-blog @scaredyspooks @tessakate @one-really-annoying-tree-rat @nerdyphantomtheorist @gazsluckyhat @peanutismynickname @jeanzoriley-cod
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stardustrebels · 2 days ago
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More of You- Chapter 5
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Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader
WC: 1.7k
Rating: 18+ for eventual smut, MDNI
Series Masterlist | Blog Masterlist Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
Tags: No outbreak!AU. Coffee shop meet-cute with a slow-ish burn. Sickly sweet fluff with eventual smut. Joel Miller just deserves a good life, you know? Joel and reader have a teeny tiny age gap- Joel is 42, reader is mid 30s. Sarah is 19. No use of Y/N, minimal descriptions of reader. She has hair long enough to tie back and she wears skirts and dresses.
A/N: Joel Miller’s very bad no good morning pre-chapter 1. I just want to give this poor lonely saddie daddy a big hug. Of course, like a moth to a flame, the man’s drawn in by exemplary woodwork and the promise of good coffee. I hope you enjoy!
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The first time Joel Miller saw you, it was a Monday. 
The kind of Monday that he guessed was going to be shitty from the moment he opened his eyes. He woke up half an hour before his alarm went off and stared at the ceiling, cursing the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, like the day had already gone wrong. 
The sun had barely risen, casting a faint orange glowing beam across the room through a gap in the curtains and straight in to his face. He groaned, slapping the top of his alarm before it even had a chance to sound. 
Seconds after he stood up, he stubbed his toe on the edge of his bed frame, cursing under his breath before limping his way to the bathroom. 
He got dressed and made it downstairs without further injury, sulking as he entered the kitchen, hoping to at least have a decent cup of coffee before leaving the house. He opened the cabinet and reached up to where the coffee tin usually sat. The coffee tin that wasn’t there. The coffee tin he’d forgotten to pick up a replacement for at the store yesterday. 
He gripped the edge of the counter, letting out a frustrated sigh and hung his head momentarily in silent defeat.
It was the type of Monday that would make anyone want to climb back in to bed and try again tomorrow. 
It also happened to be his birthday. 
And despite everything else that had happened so far, that fact was hands down the worst thing about today.
Sarah had left for college two weeks ago, and this was the first birthday he’d spend without her since she was born. 
The first time she called after he’d dropped her off, she said she would come back to spend his birthday with him. He’d insisted that she should be focusing on making friends and having fun, not worrying about her old man. After some back and forth, she’d relented, settling for sending him a picture of a hastily written I.O.U for ‘one amazing birthday celebration’ on a pink post-it note after they’d hung up.
In lieu of any coffee to drink, he leaned against the breakfast bar with a glass of orange juice and sifted through the small pile of birthday cards until he found the one with Sarah’s handwriting on it. The card had an obnoxiously large badge on the front- ‘it’s my birthday’ emblazoned on it in giant red letters. He huffed a laugh at it, shaking his head. 
Inside, she’d written that she’d told her Uncle Tommy she wanted picture evidence that he had worn the badge to the office. He sent her a text, despite knowing she wouldn’t be awake for hours. 
Thanks for the card, kiddo. And the badge. Not sure it’s clear enough though, could be bigger. Love you.
He placed the badge securely in his jacket pocket, ready to pin on his shirt when he got to the office. He figured if he didn’t, he’d never hear the end of it. 
By the time he left the house that morning, Joel felt unusually lonely. He’d been doing fine the last couple of weeks, or at least that’s what he told himself. 
The day after he dropped Sarah off, he’d realised just how quiet the house was without her. He had immediately thrown himself in to work, spending long days at the office, doing out-of-character site visits and offering to take Tommy’s client meetings. Anything to stay busy. 
By the time he got home every night, he had just enough energy to heat up some dinner and fall in to bed. It felt like the old days, when Sarah was younger. The days where he would work every hour God sent just to keep a roof over their heads, making himself sick with stress. Except this time around he didn’t get to see her little smiley face every morning to remind him that it was all worth it. 
Joel tried to ignore the little lump in his throat as he climbed in to his truck that morning, earlier than he would normally leave. The house felt emptier than it ever had. 
The traffic on the way in to the city was a nightmare, and he had to park a couple of blocks further away from the office than he usually did because of road closures. By the time he found a spot and turned off his engine, he was utterly miserable, the idea of trudging to the office against crowds of other commuters did nothing to improve his mood. He grabbed his jacket and slammed the truck door shut, muttering to himself.
He groaned inwardly as he immediately hit the don’t walk signal at the first crosswalk. As he waited, the building on the corner next to him caught his eye. He took a moment to admire the dark wood and worn decorative trim around the windows. He squinted through the bright morning sunshine at the sign above the door. Harrison’s it read, in gold handwritten letters. 
The crosswalk signal sounded, but he didn’t move. He glanced through the pane of glass in the wooden door. It was a coffee shop. He hesitated a moment, standing on the sidewalk as people brushed past him. The faint smell of fresh coffee wafted out as the door opened and closed in front of him. He glanced at his watch; he had meetings stacked like bricks and emails waiting to be answered, but he could spare a little time. 
“Screw it, why not?” He muttered under his breath, pushing open the door. A bell chimed above him as he stepped inside.
The place was cosy; not too modern but not stuffy either, with dark wood floors and mismatched tables and chairs. Shelves filled with old books lined the walls, peppered with sepia-toned photographs and various pieces of historical- looking memorabilia. Eclectic but not overwhelming, 
He ordered a black coffee at the counter, unable to return the barista’s cheery smile as he paid, and decided to settle in a seat near the window, thinking how nice it might be to just watch the world go by for a little while.
He stared down at his wrist, at the watch that Sarah had fixed for him all those years ago. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it meant the world to him. He missed her. Missed the sound of the music drifting from her room, the clatter of her hurried footsteps when she was late for school, the terrible movies she made him watch, even the endless chatter about her friends, classes, and the soccer team she was part of.
He knew that this was the way it had to be. She was nineteen now, finding her independence and figuring out who she was outside of their little family unit. That had always been the goal, hadn’t it? To raise her to stand on her own two feet. She needed space to grow, to succeed and stumble, and she needed to do it without him hovering. He knew that.
Still, it didn’t make it any easier. 
The barista arrived with his coffee, pulling him from his thoughts. He muttered a thanks and took a sip, letting his eyes scan the other customers around him. 
Then he saw you. 
As soon as he laid eyes on you, it felt like everything around him exploded in technicolour and the world snapped in to sharp focus all at once. You were sitting a few tables away, staring at your computer screen, entirely engrossed in whatever was on it, oblivious to anything going on around you. 
Joel’s heart was suddenly thrumming in his ears as loud as waves. Everything surrounding you seemed vivid, bathed in the yellow glow of the sunshine streaming in through the window. 
A lock of hair slipped over your shoulder as you tilted your head, causing a gentle shadow to fall across your face. You tucked it back behind your ear with delicate fingers, focus unwavering. You were the the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 
He blinked, the thrumming in his ears was joined by an unfamiliar feeling swelling right under his sternum. His palms felt sweaty and goosebumps started to spread up his arms. He felt hot and cold. He needed air. 
He downed his coffee, grimacing at the stinging heat against his tongue, grabbed his jacket in one hand and the empty coffee cup in the other to place back on the counter as he passed it, making every effort not to draw any attention to himself. 
He pushed past a queue of people waiting for their coffees and out of the door, bell jingling behind him as he stepped back in to the morning air. He sucked in a deep breath. The feeling in his chest- the one that had hit him like a freight train - was still there. 
He braced his hands on his hips, head tilting back to stare up at the pale blue sky. A little voice in the back of his mind pointed out it looked bluer than it had before.  
“Get it together, Miller,” he muttered towards the heavens, willing his pulse to stop racing.
It wasn’t like him to get flustered. He wasn’t the kind of man who let his emotions run away from him. He’d just had a tough morning, that’s all. He mused that this might be brand new biological perk, unlocked with another year of his 40s. 
He took another deep breath, willing the tightness in his chest to ease as he began to walk, eyes fixed on the concrete in front of him as he passed the windows.
By the time he made it to the office, he’d convinced himself that the strange feeling had been because of his bad morning and the sudden change in temperature from the coffee. A delayed reaction. A ‘funny turn’, as his Grammy used to say, nothing more. 
He stopped outside the glass doors, frowning at his faint reflection in them. He reached in to his jacket pocket and took out the badge Sarah had sent him. He pinned it to his shirt and took a deep breath. 
Weirdest damn birthday I’ve ever had he thought as he pulled open the door and walked inside. 
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daughterofhecata · 8 days ago
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tomatoluvr69 · 10 months ago
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What’s up tumblr hope you had a super fun leap day. sparkle on. big news my first seed start sprouted while I was at work ✨
#might have to change the url bc I’m in my collard era lol#my day was alright#I ate some shrimp curry that I’d accidentally left out all night and was fine bc I’m a scavenger of a person#then bc I started to feel PMDD fatigue I laid in bed with great elan til my shift started#then I spilled coffee all over my work clothes bc I stuck it in a very sketchy travel mug someone left in our house at the last party#and I listened to Screamin Jay Hawkins on the ride to work which was fun#work was a bit chaotic but uneventful and got to spend a huge chunk of it outside#it seems I have way better ball control than I did when I was a kid. whyyy now. i was such a loser I could have used some athleticism#but I’m so glad it’s the weekend so I can go palliative care mode which is what I call my lizard brumation pmdd phase#and stopped by a friend’s house after work which was nice#really rejuvenating#then made a sort of weird frittata w/ beets peppers and potatoes bc I was too tired to actually cook#watched sense and sensibility 1995 and really liked it although I found myself wishing for a bit more anguish. sorry#and I think I might set out one of the frozen almond croissants to proof overnight so I can bake it for bfast tomorrow#will go for a very short swim but probably only about 30 min bc of aforementioned fatigue. then pick up yogurt and a silly little treat#and will have ****** and **** for dinner either tomorrow or Saturday which will be nice#but really hoping Saturday because **** **** ** **** lol#and then Sunday I’m trepidatious about because **** was like what are you doing Sunday and I’m like well I guess having a fraught and#difficult conversation about our dynamic! lol#I’m very lucky to have proactive friends who are good communicators. truly I do not deserve his kindness. but like. god. let me retreat and#lick my wounds!#i shan’t get into it. but just know I know how S&G felt#and then another work week but I’m starting to really get a feel for the routine and what works and what doesn’t#and I’m excited for my next few meal preps we got millet and kale gratin#and a Lebanese chickpea dish the name of which unfortunately escapes me atm#but my mouth is watering thinking about it. saw a vid and was instantly influenced and went to the pantry to see if I had the stuff and I#dooooooooooo#and I do feel like I’m beginning to get past the worst of [event] and its sadness
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chaoswillcalmusdown · 3 months ago
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operation "how much estrogen leeway do we have" has commenced and it's only been 2 days but i'm so frustrated my muscles are still acting like they've been through a marathon
#the past month has been trash and i've spent sooo many work days at home already this year#operation estrogen might fail which would leave us in an interesting place bc idk what the fuck he's gonna try next#except for a more radical surgery#which like. i'm down but endo seems to never get properly treated on surgery alone#though i guess mine might be if they surgically remove everything necessary to get rid of my periods#i'm just like#so frustrated by the way this takes time#and my endo is still like. comparatively not bad. and i've not struggled with it that long#relatively speaking#hiding from work helps a tad until i then have to return to work after an absence#i feel guilty about not being at work but i also just really want to have arms that don't feel like lead#i want to have energy for one after work activity once in a while#and like. my doctor is determined to get me there#they all keep telling me that it is important that i'm good and not just surviving#i'm just really tired#and i have to speak to the counselor tomorrow which#is good and mature but i truly don't fucking want to#i have fridays off to 'get more rest' but like#i do one thing on the weekend and it knocks me the fuck out#traitorous goddamn body#we shall see what the counselor says before i message my endo doctor agAIn but i don't think i'm any more capable of working full weeks#now than i was 4 weeks ago#i haven't worked a full week in the 6 weeks since school came back#rip to me#😔#some day my whiny text posts will be but a memory#i say as if i have any faith
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lordsardine · 7 months ago
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well the fic is getting somewhere
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plushie-lovey · 11 months ago
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Ok. Ok tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day planned to go thru my collection
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catchmewjsn · 1 year ago
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#honestly they moved me to a different office right now so im not alone in my place anymore and tbh i should not be complaining bc at least#this one gets warn fast and im not in the open first to call usually and all but idk i feel like an intruder there and miss having lots of#place and the fact noone seen my screen etc and just overall i would prefer sitting next to the guys but also 😶 idk i just dont like anyone#hearing my phone calls etc and also i fucked up at work today BADLY but noone knows yet and this sounds like i fuck up a lot but i always#called the smaller mistakes this too i guess shskd also i almsof argued with a man who's our client on the phone but for gods sake i do know#i am right and idk if he's making me feel stupid or something or is he using one of my mistakes for his own good idk idk idk it will be a#nightmare to make this work now#and also we are having some kind of meeting with food etc tomorrow in the office upstairs but also rhe atmosphere is so not it and dudes not#at work tomorrow and he should be the one in there and like idk it all works like a fucked up chaos i also almost argued with the d irector#today bc of this lmao almost on dude's behalf bc tht waa the situation that pissed me off first#and i got to walk or catch a bus home tomorrow and like my mind does work so fast and keeps overthinking lately 😕#walking isnt the best best for me tbh#also i made plans with my friend and i do hope i open to her during the weekend bc i want to talk about everything so badly but at the same#time idk like i cant talk about personal things anymore (except here) she doesn't know what is making w suffer 😔#i think i made a decision about monday tho not the best one but both were bad so at least here i am...#anyone i am still helpless and that's what the sentence will end at bc i don't want to say the same thing again and again and again#anywya i have to delete this bc its too much details soon
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justalarryblog · 2 years ago
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🥰🧁
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exopelagic · 1 year ago
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auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr
#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep#friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that.#but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them#which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair#I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done#and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song#w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends#okay where are we#I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more#and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am#I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying#in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff.#mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy#i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more#i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying#it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be#and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There#with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere#and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff#hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations#but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain#anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3#it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon#luke.txt#uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are.#I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane.#I think! I need to go to bed!#I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have.#philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway#point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 years ago
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Take a shot for every time I use an unnecessary comma. I don't recommend this, as you are sure to die of alcohol poisoning before you finish the first paragraph.
#me? writing a tumblr post to avoid the work i need to be doing? it's more likely than you think#if you've read any of my posts then you know im working on a very important project and have been for the past 1.5 years#(unrelated but im at a coffee shop and really need to use the bathroom but someone has been in there for like an hour)#so far i'm the only person (except my two siblings who helped me with some formatting and made sure all of my links work) that has seen it#but now... the time has come for me to share it with all of the relevant people#that's like... eleven people?#they're all very important people and uh#one of them is a person i can no longer speak to and honestly shouldn't contact in any way. but here i am playing with fire#maybe fucking up this nonexistent relationship by breaking our promise not to contact each other#messing up any possibility of us having a relationship again#but yknow it's very possible we'd never have a relationship again anyway#and she deserves to see this project so uh. guess ill do it and maybe regret it for the rest of my life#and now im going to offer up this piece of my soul to people who may judge or hate it#or who may judge or hate me#this project has been the reaon i stay alive for the last 1.5 years. the reason i get out of bed. the reason i leave the house#what happens when it's done? when i have no more of it to work on?#im finally sharing it because it's reached the end of what i can do for awhile#im effectively done#now what do i do with my life?#im sending it out today or tomorrow and then... i dont know#if any of yall have watched psych. yknow the yin yang trilogy? yknow when yang is caught#and Mary says hes spent the last 15 years pursuing yang? and now he doesnt know what he's going to do?#thats me right now
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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#bleh brian is not working. too much static#can't focus. i should sleep bc i gotta meet my boss at 8#but things i will also do tomorrow: call my fucking insurance to figure out how to use it#bc i have weird out of state insurance from my mum so like idk. but i gotta do it bc im gonna try to get an appointment with a psychiatrist#bc my brain needs psychiatric attention lol#but also the lab mate i went sampling with today recently got diagnosed with adhd and gave me the name of the plsce#and i was like tell me what ur symptoms r like. and like if i have adhd it would b the plot twist of my life#but also i have horrible horrible executive dysfunction issues and related to a lotta what she said so idk#its just that i guess adhd has always been framed around not being able to meet deadlines in school and stuff#and im like nah im good at meeting deadlines. im horriblly anxious and compulsive so i dont forget or miss deadlines or dates#but my apartment and life out of school are in shambles bc i just originated around one draining focus#and i just lay in bed and cry bc i cant clean my fucking apartment and my sink is becoming obstructed by clothes that for some reason i#cant move? like fucking i dont kno. i tend to associate my broken brain stuff to dyslexia#bc when i was tested they were like lol ur short term memory is fucking awful. very below average lmao#so i was like oh my brain is not wired right. cool. but i dunno. i just need someone to assess my brain and tell me what's wrong with it#like i dunno im still doubtful of adhd as the source but its at least more convincingly on my radar. i will doubt until i have a diagnosis#in hand lol. but gotta find psychiatrist 1st. so gotta call tomorrow#it will happen. i will make it happen#unless the day goes off thr rails lol#unrelated
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phantomrose96 · 8 months ago
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Okay I have a story.
So my birthday is this Sunday (May 26th). My mom ordered some presents for me but one of them (an Etsy purchase) was seemingly stuck in transit and might not make it on time. I tell my mom all good, no worries. She gets in contact with the seller. After a long delay in response they get back with "Right we'll fix it!" It ships, tracking label and everything, good to go! ETA May 22nd (yesterday.)
During the work day I check the tracking and it says it's been delivered in/at mailbox! I double check with my mom "hey, is it mailbox size?" because if not, I don't want it sitting at the front door where anyone walking by could snag it.
She says "it's definitely NOT mailbox size." Okay. I text my neighbors in the building "Anyone seen a package delivered? It's a birthday gift from my mom and I wanna make sure it gets inside!" Success! Floor 2 David (not to be confused with Floor 1 David) had brought it inside. Inform my mom. All good!
I stop by home briefly around 4pm, because yesterday was hot-hot and I just installed my window A/C that morning in the living room, and according to my cat cam my stupid cat hasn't spent a single second in the climate controlled living room and is, instead, voluntarily baking herself elsewhere so I'm like "great" and hop on my bike to go home (10 minute ride) to check on her.
I get in the building door. Patches is crying from the top floor because she heard me. I maneuver my bike in the front hall. The ugliest fucking 6-foot-tall cat tree(?)/totem(?)/statue(?) I've seen in my entire life is just. Standing there.
My first thought is "What the fuck is that." My second thought is "Oh fuck that is for me." I look around at the floor in case there's perhaps anything else that might, in fact, be the gift.
No. Me and Cat Pole.
It's taller than me. I turn it around to face me and its face is painted and this is, in fact, uglier than it looked from the back.
Um.
Patches is crying. So I just haul it up to my level. MAYBE it was supposed to come with twine that I wrap around it (and hide its face from the world) for Patches to scratch. Maybe this is a prank. Maybe this is an inside joke, because when my mom moved into her current house the neighborhood gifted her some ugly-as-hell totem that apparently, by tradition, each newest-comer to the neighborhood is required to have and display in their window so maybe this is a very good riff on that.
Patches rubs against it. She's not afraid of this horrid facsimile of her kind.
Great.
Meanwhile SHE'S fine and the condo is a little toasty but totally liveable so I'm like "Good, cool, you're not baking. You're having a good time. Enjoy your new sister, I guess, I'll see you later."
I go back to work because this is a problem for later me.
After work, after my run, after whatever, I get home and it's like 8:00pm and Patches is so happy to see me and the totem pole is still just. There.
I text my friends like "so a bday gift is here from my mom and it's the Biggest Ugliest cat pole I've seen in my life. Is this a bit? Did my mom go 'that's so ugly haha! send!' Maybe she genuinely found it cute. How do I navigate this." My friend Sarah has the good advice to maybe text my mom neutrally like "Got the cat pole!" and feel the waters whether my mom is like "Isn't it ugly? 😂" or "Hope Patches likes it! 🥰"
My mom goes to bed early so I don't do any of that yet. Problem for tomorrow me.
This morning, Patches wakes me up for breakfast. I get her situated and I'm staring at the fucking Cat Pole again. I wonder if my Mom's been wondering all night what I thought of it.
I take a picture. I text her.
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Okay.
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I get on call with my mom. I ask for clarity that the ungodly horrid thing is NOT my birthday gift and is in fact a mix-up from the seller who sent me this instead of my actual gift. She's wheezing between words. She thinks I'm being too charitable for the amount of Absolute Fucking Ugly this is. I have to gently talk her out of using the word "monstrosity" while messaging the seller asking what the hell happened here.
I tell her I need to apologize for harming her dignity with Floor 2 David, who thinks this fucking thing is my mom's idea of a great birthday gift for her to-be-28-year-old daughter.
My heart goes out to the poor soul who did actually order this cat totem and is lacking it on this lovely day.
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