#and guess what they’re likely upset about?
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i don’t like how almost the entire fandom is on jimmy’s ass but loves curly. while jimmy undoubtedly did worse things, curly PROTECTED HIM. you cannot stand there at your computer and type straight-faced about how ‘jimmy is a horrible monster!! ...but curly could treat anya sooooo well’ like HUH??? this game is NOT about how jimmy is the worst person alive ever WITHOUT also the message of curly being AT LEAST half as bad.
because HE KNEW. and i think this is also beautifully represented through his design. he chose to turn a blind eye to anya’s struggles, HE CHOSE TO NOT SEE, and then, after the crash, he found himself with one eye constantly open, FORCED TO SEE. and by god did he see. he saw, first-hand, how protecting his absolute bastard of a friend led to the death of the entire crew and their prolonged sufferring. i saw one person suggest that the scene in which swansea kills daisuke could be from curly’s POV since it aligns perfectly with the hallway and the look he would get of the scene.
so curly, who once always protected his friend and turned a blind eye to his misdemeanors, is now forced to see these terrible events unfold firsthand. because guess what? it’s about half of curly’s fault for these events jimmy creates. because he could have prevented so much if only he wasn’t part of this toxic culture of males protecting each others from the consequences of their own actions.
now before i get any angry comments or reblogs: i do not despise curly. i do not even despise jimmy as a character. i condemn their actions 110%, ESPECIALLY jimmy’s - but i think they’re such deep and shockingly real, raw depictions of humans that not only could, but DO exist. as concepts and characters, i admire wrong organ for their bravery to create them into existence - and i hate them as people. again, they are representatives of the toxic culture males have in which they protect each other (“my buddy couldn’t have raped/SA’d/etc her because i know him and he wouldn’t do that!!” etc etc.) and it is so upsetting but so necessarry to witness this. i just wish the fandom would be willing to witness it fully, not just go “FUCK JIMMY” “so sorry you had to draw jimmy” while simultaneously pushing out curly x reader or saying shit like “curly just wanted everyone to be happy :(” “curly would treat anya better” etc etc.
this is such a raw and real story once again ruined by a fandom whose minds are rotted by hehe hot man, toxic yaoi, and amatonormativity. and yea that sounds funny when you read it but so many of the messages of the game are ignored in favor of all the above. i’m tired of it!!!
TL;DR: i condemn both jimmy AND curly’s actions and i think that you guys should not give curly a pass for protecting jimmy. if you’re going to call jimmy a horrible fucked-up monster, acknowledge that curly enabled him time and time again. also stop shipping people this is Not That Kinda Story ffs (from a tired aromantic)
#hoowee thats a lot#anyways#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#wrong organ#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing jimmy#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing analysis#game analysis#long post#my rambles
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It just really seems weird to me that journalists and such (like max gao) are telling us to get over it and move on when… it just happened? We’re not allowed to be upset by tv shows anymore? They wrote a whole episode just to make the breakup hurt more but we’re not allowed to express our hurt?
And these people said nothing when Lou was being harassed endlessly? Or when previously love interests were being harassed? That doesn’t need to be discussed or stopped, but asking questions about a confusing and poorly written break up and being upset about the dismissiveness in interviews afterward is wrong? This is all so weird to me!
i mean first of all, people like him are happy it’s over, they’re happy lou and tommy and bucktommy is gone now. they don’t care what people who actually liked the ship think. imo they likely think people like us ruined the fandom somehow.
it is so funny (not funny haha funny weird) how they can let months and months of constant harassment towards lou and bucktommy go by but as soon as people question oliver for a second it’s like GUYS STOP LEAVE HIM ALONE LOU AND BUCKTOMMY IS GONE SO DEAL WITH IT.
i’m sure there are people who are saying crazy stuff about oliver, and that absolutely should not be happening, but just the way that it’s been happening to that actor (as max likes to call him) for months, yet they stayed silent until now. and the previous love interests were all treated the same, did oliver or anyone stand up for them?
and it’s not like lou isn’t still being attacked, just a few hours ago i saw a reply lizzie responded to ‘omg these people are horrible’ to which lizzie said ‘yeah nobody, like ME or lou even i guess should get death threats and be treated like this’ only for someone to reply with a screenshot of the person she was replying to fullying @ing lou saying ‘your father never loved and you don’t deserve any good things’ quite literally 2 days ago. the hypocrisy and stupidity is WILD.
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Look, THIS is why I’m not upset with Tommy breaking things off with Buck, just the rhetoric they (the show) wrote for WHY they broke up and the general lack of resolution we’re likely to get. The break up itself is like… yeah, okay. It’s drama on a drama. People CAN see Tommy’s perspective: Buck DOES still have things to learn and IS still impulsive. There ARE a lot of things Buck does not know.
It’s the monologue they wrote for Tommy and the likely lack of follow through that has me like 😑. Let me explain—
Tommy could have followed up Buck’s question about moving in with, “I’m not so sure moving in would work out; I think it’s too soon.” Buck blinks as he hesitates. “Uh— w-we-well, why not?” “Look— you’re an incredible guy. You’re funny and hot and kind… but you’re impulsive, and I feel like you may still have some things to learn.” “I—I’m not sure I know what you mean?” “We’re in two very different places in our lives. I feel the way you see me is incompatible with the partnership I want in a long-term relationship.” Tommy takes a sharp breath in. He pauses. “I—,”Tommy falters, “I’m not so sure we will work out.” “Wait— are-are you breaking up with me?” And then we get the similarly devastating, “Yeah… I guess so. Believe me, I didn’t see this coming, either.” A beat, and then, “See you around, Buck.”
And the thing is? This feels more resolved without fully closing the door. The reasoning behind why they’re breaking up is because Tommy feels they’re in two different places in life. He feels like moving in is too soon and that Buck is being impulsive. He feels like Buck is treating him more like a gay yoda than a partner, and so moving in will put their relationship on an unsustainable course that positions Tommy less as a partner and more as a forever teacher.
Additionally, characterizing the breakup as the result of being in different places in life (and emotionally) could continues a narrative trend of Tommy successfully working out emotions in a way Buck has not yet learned. Buck was so jealous and in need of Tommy’s attention that he maimed his best friend. However, when Tommy was jealous of the 118, that did not manifest in any real-world consequences because Tommy processed that jealousy in a healthy, normal way. Buck has daddy issues, and this directly impacts his emotional relationship with his father and Bobby, and his professional issues with Gerrard. However, Tommy has already come to terms with the nature of his relationship with his dad and, it could be argued, he has processed his daddy issues or dealt with them in a more productive way. At the same time, should the author want to do something with these character threads later on, the foundation has already been laid to explore Tommy’s jealousy and possible daddy issues as sources of conflict later. (Later exploring this also wouldn’t do the breakup scene any injustice, as the main reason for the breakup is how Buck views Tommy and the growth—re: impulsiveness— that Buck still needs to undergo.)
This hypothetical also avoids the whole, “Why would someone date someone else for six months when they just assume that person’s going to leave them and break their heart at any moment?” This hypothetical additionally avoids these characters breaking up explicitly because they have the same wants and desires for the relationship, like what we got in canon. (In canon, Tommy literally went, “You’re good looking and funny and kind and incredible and I really want to be with you, and you want to be with me, too, and that’s why we actually can’t be together.” 🙄) It also avoids re-hashing conflicts the characters have already addressed, like Buck being ready for his queerness because this hypothetical would focus on Buck’s history of impulsivity or grand declarations when things get tough or weird. It also avoids the fact that Tommy did agree to try again, knowing that Buck didn’t have a label yet and then attended a wedding as Buck’s date, so why does he suddenly have an issue with Buck’s sexuality 6 months in? And, this hypothetical also still leaves the door open in the event the author wants to revisit this character dynamic, but currently cannot develop it due to cast contracts. Because Buck can wise up. He can admit that he had approached some aspects of the relationship a little impulsively; that he was prone to hitting Tommy with these grand declarations. Buck can change the way he views Tommy. Buck can change the way he sees relationships as something meaningful designed to help his own growth (“transformative” and all that). And all of this can happen with Tommy off screen. They theoretically then COULD meet again when they’re in similar places in their lives (and emotionally), or Buck could apply his newfound growth to his next relationship or final relationship.
Because Buck does still have growing to do and things to figure out, it’s just that none of those things are about whether or not he likes men, as Tommy’s canon monologue implies with the whole, “You’re still figuring yourself out… I’m not your last; I’m your first.”
But that’s ultimately what we got. We got that BS about firsts and lasts where Tommy downplayed what Buck feels for him and why, and outright assumed Buck’s feelings now and in the future. He spent that entire monologue giving Buck the ol’ biphobic, “you still gotta figure yourself out” and “you’ll just leave me for someone else” lines. He then concludes his break up monologue by telling Buck that he’s afraid Buck will break his heart and that he can’t handle that, implying that he’s breaking it off due to anxieties around getting hurt emotionally. But the thing is? Tommy’s insecurities aren’t resolvable with Tommy off screen because Tommy needs to be on screen to show that growth. So, if contracting is or becomes an issue for someone who is NOT A MAIN, then there will be no resolution. Don’t hint at a character having major insecurities as a source of conflict—on par with that of a main— if the show cannot dedicate the appropriate screen time to that character to resolve that conflict.
Because right now? This FEELS like the set up for the third act’s preclimax. Tension between the characters is at its highest. Now Buck—the hero—must look inward and decide whether to prevail. He must face his deepest fears and greatest weaknesses. He must come out on the other side knowing that he is not listless; he knows what he wants for his future. This would take Buck full circle from who he was in his “Begins” episode where he didn’t know what he wanted or who he wanted to be, and hopped from place to place on this journey. Buck will realize he has hopped from relationship to relationship because he hadn’t defined himself well enough, but NOW he knows who he is. And once he realizes that, we reach the climax: the confrontation. Buck confronts Tommy about Tommy breaking his heart. This immediately segues into the resolution where Tommy acknowledges this hurt and admits the break was due to his own insecurities. And then, much like in season 3 with Abby, the show could keep them broken up to continue their Tommy-Abby parallel. (IMHO— if a resolution is the goal, keeping them broken up would be a more likely outcome when considering contracts. If the two got back together, that would require the show to dedicate a good chunk of screen time to addressing Tommy’s insecurities, something they may not be able to follow through with due to availability.) And then we actually have an on screen portrayal of HOW Tommy was transformative for Buck as opposed to just being told he was.
However, this resolution still requires Tommy to return, and exit interviews seem to suggest the actor who plays Tom is not returning. Meaning, this may remain unresolved. We could have had something that seemed resolved with the potential to revisit it, but instead we have something that would require the show to feature heavily conflict revolving around the insecurities of a character who is not a main, played by an actor who is juggling multiple projects.
Why not make the conflict something that can be resolved with Tommy off screen? Why not provide a little resolution if you cannot guarantee more Tommy? Why hint at fundamental changes to Buck’s character journey and the outcomes of his relationships if this one ends like all the others? Why suggest the show is going to fundamentally alter the way it writes love interests, something that would necessitate a change to how the show approaches any and all secondary characters? Why build up Tommy as a source of character conflict and major transformation for Buck if they cannot dedicate the appropriate screen time to establish that? (Because, remember, Buck TOLD the audience that Tommy was transformative for him, but we’ve yet to see how he’s been transformative like we have with any of Buck’s other previous love interests.) Why build up his insecurities if the show cannot address them?
I actually think they should have stopped going to Miceli’s. I think that place is cursed. Weird vibes. Every time they went, it was awkward.
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Rambling about the thing that happened briefly, but in a funnier way.:
Hoo boy, you know you must’ve really fucked up a ‘friendship’ with me if the first shock of seeing you blocking me evolves into an ego boost of all things.
Like “Okay you little piece of shit, so sorry to see you can’t handle how ✨fabulous✨I am, hope your lacking disease gets better soon.” 💅
#so the same ex who vague posted about me being abusive#likely talked shit about me and got his other friends to block me#the same group which I stayed with for 3 years and tossed me out for petty reasons#and guess what they’re likely upset about?#me saying the relationship at least helped me realize I’m an ace lesbian#like LMAO get better soon losers#gonna spend more efforts on old and new friends alike who won’t treat me so much like shit#frosty babbles#deleted later#maybe#and I have work now#so going to go and get the dough
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The assumptions people are making on Veilguard bc ALL decisions won’t carry over are insane to me “OH so morrigan won’t mention her ONLY SON!! or her roMANCE??”. We have no idea what context or capacity she’s going to be in the game? In skyhold, she stayed at skyhold for a while, so it made sense to chat her up and ask about her life. Also Kieran was THERE bc he was TEN. Kieran is now in his twenties and most likely living his own life. If we’re saving the world and fighting darkspawn WHY would her grown ass son come up? Esp when she doesn’t even know Rook?? Like i would understand if we had veilguard in our hands and people were complaining bc Morrigan actually had dialogue invalidating their canon but for fuck’s sake the game isn’t even out yet. They’re saying it doesn’t matter as in it’s not gonna come up bc Rook is busy doing other shit, rather than quizzing characters who aren’t companions on their lives. “What about Varric”. Varric seems to have a pre-established relationship with Rook which means you can headcanon that they already had the talk about Varric’s life story considering he called them his “second in command”. Like cancel your preorders, preorder, do whatever you want no one on the internet is the boss of you. But oh my fucking god complaining about something you don’t even fully know about is already getting so old. Best case scenario, you’re right and i guess your bitching is validated yay for you ig. Worst case, you’re wrong and like wasted so much time and energy bitching for nothing. Like I completely understand being upset the choices don’t carry over, it IS disappointing! But we don’t even KNOW what it’s going to affect if anything at all. It’s just so funny how everyone was like “it’s not about the Inquisitor” and now that the focus is confirmed to be pretty much entirely on Rook and the inquistor’s choices barely seem to matter in game and half of everybody has lost the plot bc of it and we don’t even actually know how this will affect the game like ????
#i understand being mad#and you can do whatever you want about it#but holy shit is getting so annoying to hear about#i’m not even touching the solas stuff#i understand being upset that solas is a focal point if you don’t care for him#but it’s just ridiculous reiterating why he’s important to the storyline#lyriumsings txt#dragon age#discourse#i guess#i’m just ranting bc i’m so bored of hearing about this#everyone just keeps going more and more over the top with like what isn’t going to be referenced#like correct me if i’m wrong but all cameos from da2 and dao in inquisitor were either delivered thru dialogue#or delivered thru fucking letters#so like REALLy what’s missing with that??#and then yall COMPLAINED about that too!!???#‘hawke is ooc#‘my warden is ooc’#like i’m not surprised they shafted warden and hawke mentions and all prev decisions#no matter what they do yall harass these people as if they’re your personal punching bag for every gripe you have with dragon age#spoilers#anyway lemme focus on my movie im watching with my sister lmao
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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some ccs are just straight up nuts there’s no other explanation
#saw a comment on r/dwt2 and it made me look into the moonzy/draggie situation#this freak accused him of having ‘grooming tendencies’ when he was YOUNGER than her#he showed all their DMs and it was just reciprocated flirting ??#he was initiated more but it seemed reciprocal to me?#she just got mad at him bc he replied to one of her tweets where she was flirting with Karl with ‘ouch’#<- replied in DMs I mean#I guess bc she thought the flirting was a joke ??#how is this an ‘experience’ you need to speak up about im loosing my mind#‘guy flirted with me I flirted back but I wasn’t really interested pls show ur sympathies and like and subscribe🥺’#and in her statement she was talking about an anon who came out about their experiences prior#saying they had been groomed but draggie had fully debunked that years ago#so idk why she was bringing that up ??#and ofc you have aim.sey and max and sniff in the replies with their heart emojis#straight up nuts I’m losing brain cells here#btw she’s the one who said something about how a lot of ccs didn’t support her#including big ones from that ‘stupid mine.craft server��� (meaning dsmp obv)#just nuts straight up nuts#negativity#like I have to be missing something (and if I am pls tell me but I don’t think I am???)#because saying this cringe flirting with someone YOUNGER THAN YOUUU is ‘groomer tendencies’ is fucking nuts#it’s just what is with these people like what’s wrong with them#why does mildly uncomfortable experience = horrible predator we need to inform the public about bc they’re a danger to society#sorry I’m done I’m just actually upset lol
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~ ~ ~
#for the last couple days whenever I try to talk to partner about something more serious I’m feeling/thinking they just acknowledge that#they read it and then just blow it off. like putting a sad face emoji to show they read my message and then sending 💕 which is our#indicator for ‘don’t want to/can’t talk right now’. and if they were at work I’d understand but then they don’t try to let me talk later#when we’re together either. and this has even been happening at times where they’re home on a day off. I get maybe not having the energy or#capacity to let someone vent or complain or whatever but at the same time… we’ve been together a year and a half and we live together now#and they’re supposed to be the person I can count on to let me talk and help me feel better if I’m depressed or sad or anxious or whatever#I would do it for them and I do actually do it for them whenever they need me to because I believe that’s what a good partner should do#and yeah my problems are not very serious but they’re still a big deal to me and making me sad/upset and I want to be able to talk about#them outside of just going to therapy once a week. therapy is great and all but emotions aren’t programmed to just line up with a session#I’m still going to think and feel things during the rest of my time outside of therapy and need support and I’m just not getting it now#but what am I supposed to do? try to force them to listen to me? that wouldn’t be fair to either of us#guess I’ll just be stuck alone with my thoughts as usual#personal
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Apparently my mom shares trans memes on her facebook, which is… cool I guess? But she also still posts old pictures of me all the time
#mine#i’ve even talked to her about this and she got really upset and said she spent hours going through all her old photos of me#and only keeping ones where i looked ‘masculine’#but. they’re absolutely not.#and i mean i’m glad my parents are supportive enough that this is the shit that pisses me off but i’ll be damned if it doesn’t piss me#the fuck off#well ok worse than this is what my dad does#which is basically to only acknowledge it when i’m about to make a big change and he sends me a text#saying ‘hmm i guess you’ve wanted this for a long time huh :(‘#and also still not gendering me ever even though it’s been almost 4 years#like ok he’s not misgendering me but he awkwardly interrupts his sentences to rephrase them to avoid using pronouns#or if he gets really stuck he uses they/them which also pisses me off#it’s this shit and a thing that happened over 2 years ago (!!) at this point that make me feel like i don’t fucking pass ever#and everyone only ever genders me correctly to be nice or patronizing#i still get shocked when strangers gender me correctly (which is basically 100% of the time for the past 3 years)#but that’s really mostly because of the thing that happened 2 years ago#it literally makes me feel so deeply sick when i think about it like i genuinely feel ill#i still have nightmares about it lol#um. i realize i’m being vague but it wasn’t anything actually bad. just some stuff a friend said to me#and then said again and then continued to make it worse by saying more stuff#anyway that’s enough for now#hey if you just clicked ‘see more’ on the tags and saw this huge wall of text don’t bother reading it k
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if you don’t like what i write then what i write isn’t for you
#like that’s it#that’s the bottom line#you don’t get to come at me and vilify me for writing something you don’t want to read#you simply pass it and read something else????#i don’t understand the point of hate reading something#why read something that’s going to purposefully upset you?#why go into something when you know full well you’re going to hate it?#your life is going to be so much better when you start consuming things you actually like#and guess what#i like smut fics#i like writing them#i like reading them#i like taking about them#i like sharing them#they’re fun#it’s a really fun way to get into a characters head#strip them down (literally lol) and make them super vulnerable#can you do that without smut?#yes of course you can#but that’s not what i want to write or read 😈#but honestly so many people fighting for justice are just cyber bullies lmao#like bruh we had assemblies about people like you 😂#sulley speaks#fan fic talk
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called out at work as an astarion girlie
#how did he know. he just guessed.#i’m nothing if not painfully obvious i guess#it’s just like. he’s just like me for real#covering your trauma w flirtatious flippancy is sooooo. me#just assuming you get through life by grinning and bearing it ! when you could be happy instead !#‘the worst thing isn’t that he (cazador) did it it’s that he did it to ME’#AAHHHHH ASTARION I LOVE YOU#the few times he’s mentions his past and seducing ppl for cazador makes me insane#like he sounds so pained the whole time but tries so hard to play it off#like well it was over quick enough anyway !#and then u find that blood lady in moonrise who wants him to bite her#and if you say fuck off dude he’s his own Man#ar camp later he’s like. almost surprised that you said that!! and was even like talking you and him into it after the fact#like it would have been worth what she was offering whats one more time ha ha 🥲#OR (im sorry i can’t stop) when you find the drow twins and they’re like we could all fuck ?#he says oooo my love im not sure im ready for that again.#and he sounds NERVOUS. and APOLOGETIC. like IM going to be upset?!#and you can say that pretty much and he’s like i hate it when you’re nice ew……..thank you <3#MY POOR BOY. my GOD. ohhhhh.#i gotta go lie down i thought about astarion too hard it gave me brain damage
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I know I’m making a joke but you really don’t understand how angry I am at the recent news.
[Video Captions: “Why are you the way that you are? / Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. / I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.”]
#just when I finally accepted the fact we won’t get a season three#and I convinced myself everything would be okay because atleast I can rewatch it whenever I want#what does Disney do?#I really just…they are so unbelievable…#just so they don’t have to write it on their taxes?? come on man!#and now they’re going to raise prices?#‘confident that we’re on the right path for streaming’s long-term profitability’#literally what are you talking about??#Not only do you cancel shows that don’t make you immediate money—#now your removing them since they are supposedly taking money out of your billion dollar corporation wallet#and then you proceed to renew the most médiocre passionless projects#your literally sabotaging yourself??#cause guess what if you don’t make the people giving you money happy they’re going to leave and find someone else that can#i even had to cancel plans and stay home because of how mentally and physically draining this news has made me feel#I’m not even trying to be dramatic…just stuff like this hits me hard for some reason#I know I can find the show online somewhere but still.#the people who worked on this must feel terrible…I feel so bad#my sister: it’s like if Van Gogh painted something and tried to give it to the museum and they just tell him#‘no we don’t want any more of your art. and also we’re going to destroy every single painting you’ve made. have a nice day!’ :)#i might talk more about this later but for now I’ll stop…sorry if I made you upset I just needed to get this off my chest#mysterious benedict society#the mysterious benedict society#tmbs
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i’ll never understand how ppl can watch games of our rivals
#like why would you torture yourself watching city right now#like i can’t get myself to open livescore to see the result cause i’m so anxious over them playing#and i know they’re winning cause my dad’s watching the game and i saw it on the tv#but i wish i didn’t#and i heard the commentator mention arsenal#and it upsets me cause i know he’s talking about us dropping points#and i don’t mean to be rude i promise#if you can watch it and want to watch it than by all means do so#i’m just saying it could never be me#i’m always too stressed to know how the others are doing#so i ignore all the other games and check the result at night#it’s interesting how differently ppl deal with these kind of things#i guess??#like some of us want to know exactly what’s going on#and others (me) want to hide and ignore everything#anyway. if ur watching the game pls send city all the bad vibes
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.
#such a weird feeling knowing that the only place that ever felt like home is gone now#i moved away i wasn’t there and now it’s just. destroyed. i wasn’t there#i finally managed to get in touch with my friends still there they’re okay they’re alive. but everything is gone#i wasn’t there. i wasn’t there. i wasn’t there#i feel like i shouldn’t be upset because this isn’t about me and i don’t even live there anymore#but the last place i ever felt happy is underwater. i want to go home#all i’ve wanted for the past two years was to go home. but i wasn’t there and now it’s gone#delete later#vent#i don’t know what to do with. this.#what a nail in the coffin for me finding my way back to that feeling. i thought eventually i could go home#but this is my life now. this is the version of me that i’m stuck as i guess.
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B.A.S. is about Rio and Jerrica btw
#i saw ONE hc#about Philippino Jerrica#and yeah#black Brazilian rio for the win 🙏🏾#they’re toxic. and in luuuurve#anywayyyyyyd#Uhm#i need to rewatch Jem#Bc I keep seeing ppl act like she was like innocent or whatever#and like idk….from what I remember love her down but it was. wild on her side too#like idk feeling guilty after kissing him doesn’t mean ur Lying any less than he is#but i need to rewatch DONT jump me#talking to the 4 jem fans left#anyways FUCK IT GUESS WE BOTH AINT SHIT#that’s the song playing in my mind jem reboot (black asf btw) when Jem goes what about Jerrica and they start making out anyways#also also#BEFORE I REWATCH CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH#i really like how real Jerrica and ríos relationship felt in comparison to jem and ríos#which fucks with Jerrica more#Bc while jem and rio are honeymoon phase#Jerrica and Rio are like. both stressed out and trying to manage eachother on top of that#and their vice to relax is LITERALLY EACHOTHER#but they’re also eachothers like. not main but secondary or tertiary form of stress#also u can tell Jerrica is the big sister bc if she was younger than any of them#they’d be on her ass for lying then getting upset about it#not like Kimber was#Bc she was like petulant#but thered def be a ‘well what did u expect’ kinda thing#wait I think Aja did that? or shana?#anyways love watching toxicity it’s like a reward
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Being a sexual traumaholder/fictive with exotrauma in a hypersexual system and reading your source’s creator make a joke about how one of the sources of your exotrauma doesn’t count as assault because of your source’s hypersexuality is fucking. Fuck. Awesome. I love it here.
#Literally talked about how Tuck hasn’t been out in a while earlier today. Lmao.#I don’t want to be Tuck I want to write. Fuck.#I wanna pet bunnyboy ears and eat chocolate frosting and finish this chapter#And not have to think about stupid fucking#I hate it. I fucking hate it.#I hate how constantly I feel like none of our trauma is even bad enough to be trauma so our brain makes up a bunch of bullshit for me to ha#intrusive thoughts about and wish that our trauma was worse. That’s insane. What an insane horrible thing to think#‘wanting your trauma to be worse is a symptom of trauma’ Shut upppp shutttt uuuupppppppppp#Fuck. Fucking. Fuck#Flashback flashback flashback intrusive thought intrusive thought flashback intrusive thought#Pseudomemory pseudomemory pseudomemory pseudomemory pseudomemory#Cool. Great. Cool. Cool. Cool#They want me to switch out. Great cool awesome. I’m not allowed to be fucking upset I guess no one’s allowed to ever feel bad we need to#switch them out! Only happy thoughts!#That’s not what they’re saying. I know that. I keep being an asshole for no reason. Espeically to TK.#He says it’s fine. I still feel bad#I don’t know.#Writing this all out helped I guess.#I just. Fuck.#I wish it didn’t feel like this.
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