#and for all intents and purposes being completely supportive but always leaves me feeling a little empty :/

[longtallglasses]

don't leave this in the tags...

#it's a shitty realization#it makes me think of the relational concept of bids#which is basically attempts to create a moment of connection between two people#for example something as simple as 'look there's a squirrel outside!'#if the person takes up the bid then they'll come over and look and you have a moment of connection together#but it's not uncommon for people to reject the bid (even without meaning anything bad) - 'i'm busy right now' etc#sometimes just straight up ignoring and not answering at all#and when they studied this relationships where the partner(s) ignored bids more often were more likely to break up#(or something close to that don't quote me on the details)#as autistics our bids often get ignored or not fully met (not matching the level of importance we give something)#due to various reasons such as ppl being annoyed with us; not understanding us; not caring about the same things; etc#sharing about a special interest is especially ripe for this bc we care so so much about it and most people care very little or just#a normal amount#they also may be interests that aren't as socially acceptable#so we can get brushed off or not really engaged with about this thing we LOVE and base our lives around#and that feeling of subtle rejection from those bids really adds up over time#autism#actuallyautistic#mf musings#military ment#squirrel ment

via @mindflamer

I think special interests are great but also no one talks about how isolating they can be sometimes. like it’s so hard for me to comprehend sometimes that most people aren’t interested in this one specific thing that literally shapes my life… they fundamentally cannot understand how or why it means so much to me and moreover they don’t care. like why am I crying over the fact that one person isn’t as into 18th century military history as I am. this is so humiliating

[neonvqmpire]

we need to talk about how close aziraphale actually was to saying no to the metatron after the kiss and why:

he's extremely conflicted and keeps looking out of the window to crowley in the car.

he previously said "nothing last forever" when crowley told him that he cant leave the bookshop (crowley also meant "you cant leave me"; the bookshop is a metaphor for their lives on earth for him) and he states exactly this as the first objection here. obviously the metatron shuts it down by appointing muriel as the next owner of the shop.

now he's stuck between wanting to be with the being he loves & who he now knows loves him back and his deep inner need/duty to do good. crowley's confession and kiss clearly made him question his decision and change his mind because here is when he actually decides for both.

you can see how he does not want to join heaven alone. he keeps looking out the window when asked if he needs anything to take with him.

he desperately needs crowley there but he can not have him so he lies and says no.

i this moment he tries to say no to heaven one last time. he starts saying "i think i-" and then looks out to crowley one last time. he's really considering crowleys offer here. i think the decision that he makes instead is actually FOR crowley as well.

he decides to join heaven not as he was previously convinced by the metatron to do good and rule together with crowley (which he did not want to do) but instead to go and keep a close eye on heaven FOR crowley.

aziraphale isnt stupid, he remembers what crowley said about heaven being toxic.

i think the confession and kiss makes him question heaven. crowley, who fell for asking questions made aziraphale question heaven too. something that he was always too scared to do. he has started to rebel in his head. he realised that something has to be up with heaven/the metatron bc they offered him the position. he decided to go but with a completely different purpose than before. 

he puts on a smile and it seems fake because it is. he wants to appear like he hasn't just fundamentally changed his position and decided to go against the one force who he was always afraid of yet dependent on. 

this is sth extremely relatable to someone who is queer and autistic and was raised by very conservative family members. even the thought of supporting queer people felt rebellious, terrifying but also extremely exiting and powerful because i knew it was the right thing to believe. 

aziraphale was being so brave here. he saw a glimpse of the life he wants and can have and choose to join heaven anyway to fight for this life. he is convinced it will not be possible for them to be together if heaven is still kicking about and making him feel powerless and scared. he wants to secure their future by changing or possibly even destroying the system from the inside out. 

unfortunately he didn't have time to tell crowley about his change of intention and i think it really breaks his heart. crowley would probably not understand it anyway. they still have a lot to work through and learn but ultimately they will find each other again. they always do.

i am so so interested to see where and how they meet again in s3, if we get it. after everything i just really want them to be happy and to spend their eternity together. they deserve it after all they went through.

[cheshireliam]

"Once More, An Evil From Which You Can't Return" Story Event: Ring END

Roger Barel & Ring Schwartz

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Read this before interacting

⇦ Chapter 2

━━━━

Ring and I reenacted the first hug we supposedly had at this location. 

(His heart is racing… does this mean he truly has feelings for me, his lover?) 

I felt an affectionate swell in my heart at his gentleness when I realised his heartbeat quickened due to his emotions. 

He put his arms around me, but he hesitated to go all the way and stopped just before his hands touched my back. 

Kate: Are you conscious about people seeing us? 

Ring: No. It’s just that your scent is drifting around and distracting me. 

Once again, his words sounded nothing like what a lover would say. 

Kate: If that distracts you, how did we normally hug?

Ring: W-well… uhh… like this! 

All of a sudden, Ring pulled me into a tight embrace and squeezed me so hard my back arched—

(...—!)

In that instant, my vision blurred and turned white, even the sight of Ring’s face before me vanished. 

(... I remember now—)

(Ring and I aren’t lovers at all…!)

In fact, I never had a lover to begin with. 

Ring: Kate, you suddenly went silent. Don't tell me, did you recall something?

(Why did Ring lie about being my lover…?)

Kate: …

Ring: Kate? 

I stared intently at Ring’s facial expression, trying to grasp his true motive, but all I could see was an innocent and pure gaze. 

(I have no idea what Ring is thinking at all. What should I do…? Oh!)

Kate: Ring! I remember everything now. We really were lovers! 

I decided to pretend I believed his lie, to see how he would respond. 

Ring: W-wait a minute. You really remember? 

Kate: Yes, every single thing. 

Ring: … 

(He looks confused. Let’s give him another nudge.) 

Kate: It’s all thanks to you, Ring. Please let me thank you properly. 

Ring: You don’t have to. 

Kate: Don’t say that. We’re lovers, right? So there’s no need for you to hold back. 

Kate: Come on, let’s go somewhere I can properly express my gratitude.

Ring: H-hey— 

Ignoring his protests, I forcefully pushed his back and led him towards the main street where the street lamps had just been lit up. 

…

Kate: This is my favourite restaurant. I’ll give you a treat. 

Ring: No, you really don’t have to thank me.

Kate: Then take it as we’re celebrating me regaining my memories. Shall we head inside? 

While saying that, I purposely wrapped my arm around his and clung to him. 

I wanted to see how he would react if I acted like I was really his lover, even though we weren’t dating. 

Ring: F-fine, just don’t cling to me so much… 

Even after we were seated, Ring’s face was still slightly red. 

Kate: Can I order my recommendations? 

Ring: Yeah, I’ll leave that to you. 

Shortly after I placed my orders, our food was served.

Kate: The meatloaf here is top tier delicious. 

Kate: It’s so tender, it practically melts in your mouth. There’s a specific technique to scoop it up, so let me do it for you. 

(This is kind of embarrassing… but anything to find out Ring’s true intentions!) 

Kate: Ring, say “aaaah”.

Ring: Wha—.... what are you doing? 

Kate: I always feed you like this when we’re on a date, right? 

Ring: Y-yeah… that’s right. You do, but… not today! 

Kate: Why not? We’re lovers, aren’t we? 

Ring: W-we are, but… ahh, fine… 

Ring reluctantly took a bite of the meatloaf I offered to feed him.

Ring: … It’s good.

Kate: Fufu, glad you like it. Here, have another bite. 

(About time he reveals the truth.) 

I gave him the sweetest smile I could, one that was meant for a lover, and hoped it’d push him even more. 

Ring: A-another bite…!? 

Ring: Uwaaahh, my heart can’t take it anymore! … I’m sorry, but the whole lovers thing was a complete lie!! 

Kate: I know. 

Ring: It surely must've shocked y—... wait, you knew? 

Kate: It’s true my memories came back when we hugged at the station.

Kate: But it was also at that point where I realised you were lying. 

Kate: So I decided to play along and find out your true intentions.

Ring: … I did think something felt off after a while. 

Having been completely exposed, Ring let out a huge sigh.

Ring: I wanted you to get your memories back, but I didn't know how to help.

Ring: When I asked Darius for advice, he said that a strong mental shock might work…

Ring: My plan was for you to be so shocked when I claimed I was your lover that your memories instantly come back.

Ring: But it ended up taking way longer than I expected. 

(So that’s what happened…)

Kate: Thank you for worrying about me and thinking of a way to help. 

Ring: Of course I’d be worried.

Ring: You’re always so kind to me. You never give up easily, even when the situation seems hopeless, and that’s something I really respect about you. 

Kate: Ring… 

Ring: I could go on and on about all your good points.

Kate: T-that’s enough! 

(It was terrifying to lose my memories and the past I had with everyone.) 

(But it wasn't entirely a bad experience, because something good came out of it too.)

(... Because I got to know more about Ring than I ever did before.) 

[zivazivc]

I'm gonna take some time to digest and think about that comic before I come to a decision. The decision being whether to continue to support you or just leave you be.

If I decide to leave you be, just know that there are no hard feelings, okay?

You are on anon so I don't know if this is someone who I've talked to before, but either way, yes, no hard feelings. I completely understand. It's the internet, anyone can unfollow anyone for any reason, but also I know this is an uncomfortable topic and even triggering to some, and some people are just not here for that. I was contemplating posting it for a while for this reason.

I do kinda want to point out that the purpose was/is not to fetishize a relationship with a minor and I will never fetishize or glorify that ever. It's wrong and unhealthy even if there's no malicious intent present. (am pointing it out because I got a bunch of asks about it and I'm 🧍) But this is fiction, and I portrayed the scenes the way that I did mainly because I made the comic from Floyd's perspective and I wanted to get in his head and show what exactly he was feeling in that moment. If the end result makes you feel uncomfortable or "flustered" (I don't think I'm using the right English word) in a certain icky way, that was kind of the point and I believe should be a normal reaction from an adult.

I spent my high school years (normally 15-19yo, but it was more like 14-22+) living in a dorm in the country's capitol and I attended a vocational school for visual arts that is pretty notorious for having a drug problem (I'm talking about mostly weed) and being full of weirdos (students free and comfortable expressing themselves and experimenting with expressing themselves but weirdos is the used term lol). The dorm is also located very near the city's subcultural center (look up Ljubljana Metelkova if you want, it's kind of what I imagine the underground scenes the bandmates visit looking like) which is like a hangout place for subcultures like punks and metalheads and the lgbtq. Anyway coming from living my whole life in a rural village where I still played with toys to somewhere like that was an insane shock to me. I sometimes felt like a toddler around young adults in a big city. And it was whiplash for many other teens too, some of whom quickly fell into bad crowds and spiraled, often those who came from bad home situations or controlling parents (heck some even came from elementary schools already doing problematic things). The amount of rumors of things happening in that dorm and school (drugs, sex, messing around with older teens/adults, whatever)... (I'm not saying it was like a concerning percentage of students but it was happening) Some of these people who made some bad choices were and some still are my friends, some of whom still struggle with some things today and it's heartbreaking.

Anyway where I was going with this is that in high school I was always kind of the anti all of that (to the point it had the opposite effect on me where I didn't even try out the normal teenage things) and just thinking "what the fuck is wrong with these people?" And recently, when my headcanons for Floyd started going in the direction that they have, I started wondering the same thing. Just not in a judgemental way this time. More like I want to dissect this situation carefully and understand it from everyone's perspective and see what lead up to it. I've always been very fascinated by morally gray and dark fiction for this reason and this is right up that alley.

So yeah, this isn't for everyone, and I can't hold a grudge if anyone unfollows me for it. But what I'm doing here is inspired a lot by real life situations and my weird deep dives into articles about trauma and its effects (also pretty sure I'm also processing some of my own personal emotions through these blorbos but I am not going into that), and I feel like I'm taking a pretty realistic approach to it (if you ignore the fact that this is fucking Trolls). I'm just slowly exploring how a relationship between a teen who comes from a sheltered almost cultish upbringing (pop trolls live in a concentration camp and are dealing with the horrors by singing and enjoying every minute of their every day like life is a ticking time bomb) and a young adult who never got a chance to grow up because he never experienced a childhood and is suddenly being liked by someone for the first time in his life (I'll talk more about Les some other time), would develop into hopefully something okay for both of them. Because I do want them to both be okay in the end. And I'm sharing some of my brainworms online for anyone who's interested. I just can't share ALL of my brain worms and sometimes I forget that people don't have a view of what's going on in my head. Yeah... This answer became long for no other reason except that I can't sleep because I posted that comic, damn. That's what I get for dropping that bombshell on top of what was mostly fun "comedic" posts about the AU so far.

[summertimemusician]

*downs coffee like a shot* Before we go back to our regularly scheduled Linktober/Linktober Shadow (because I don't leave things unfinished if I can help it), I gotta get the idea of Revenant First out of my system and y'all get to suffer with me until it eventually ceases being an idea and it turns into an actual story. For some reason we talk a lot about First already being alive or already a ghost by the time the Chain meets him, but I don't think I've ever heard someone talk about him actually coming back to life and so y'all get to suffer with my insane ramblings like I'm an 1800's psychic ward patient who believes themselves to be a witch.

Can be x Reader or not idk just an idea that won't leave my mind.

Might expand on this later so Part out of I/?

Revenant First, who died for his people and in the name of his Goddess. All alone on the surface, fighting, fighting, fighting, always fighting. Just to make the land a little safer before the next hero arrives, just to contain the Imprisoned for a little while longer with likely nothing than a ordinary, common sword to his name and a slowly rusting armor.

Always giving so so so much for his people, always doing his best to protect them, though they scorned him, loathed him, didn't believe or support him, rejected him.

With a spirit so strong and lovely that a Goddess fell for him, hated herself for having to manipulate and put him through such horrid experiences just to save the many, just to turn the diamond of his soul into an unbreakable lonsdaleite blade agaisnt a mad deity.

Someone whose will would be enough to keep him going, just one more fight right? Just one more kill right? Forward, forward, ever onward, it doesn't matter if the flesh decays, if the blood drips drips drips until he is dry of it, if the liver doesn't process nutrients, if the lungs don't draw air, if the nerves feel nothing but the cold cold numbness of the winter of his final years, if the heart doesn't beat. If the armor rusts or the sword breaks. He must keep going, he must keep fighting.

To keep them safe he must have faith, faith that he can keep going, to grasp onto that one.single.thread of purpose until the day that fiery, indomitable, determined will finally burns out. Even if his Goddess may have forsaken him knowingly or unknowingly, even if his people have rejected him to the point he isn't even human anymore, even though they reviled him, even if that rejection should by all intents and purposes chained his spirit to the land or ground the jewel of his unbreakable soul into dust, he still loves them, still adores them, still wants to protect them.

No matter how long he must keep going for it. He wishes to see those he holds dear happy, though they cursed and imprisoned him once.

The Chain getting dropped into a completely empty, desolated and undeniably dead version of Sky's Hyrule, only to find the only living thing besides monster is a single man, with rusted gold armor and an old sword, a faded tunic of green with a long, crimson scarf like a bloody banner. With hair and eyes like theirs, undeniably a Link. But so very frigid, so very silent they almost didn't notice him, that they can't help but wonder just how many years he has spent there, eroding away, ruined but still kind, kind, so very gentle. A shadow of his former self, yes, but still himself, still so so so good, doing all he can until Sky's Era comes and maybe, just maybe, he can finally rest.

Or maybe not, after all, someone has to keep the land safe until the Hero after Sky comes around, no?

Just Revenant First in general.

Or maybe we give him the House in Fata Morgana treatment, the House in Fata Hylia Au if you will- *collapses from sleep deprivation*

[belit0]

i think run by onerepublic suits shisui

YES, AND IT ACTUALLY SENT ME DOWN THE AKATSUKI! SHISUI ROAD 🛐💕

"When I was a young boy living in the village, all I did was run, run, run, run, run. Staring at the lights, they look so pretty," Shisui comments as he looks out over the landscape, unbuttoning his long black tunic just enough to reveal the mesh T-shirt he wears underneath. Red clouds drawn on the fabric shimmer in the sun, giving away a much more adorable image than what it really is, "My momma eventually said: son, you're gonna grow up, you're gonna get old, and all that glitter don't turn to gold, yet until then, just have your fun, boy, run."

Itachi listens attentively, knowing his best friend's whole life story but still letting him talk as if he had never heard the tale. Under his conical hat he takes shelter from the sun, glancing sideways at his cousin's face, appreciating the eye he wears covered.

If there's one thing Shisui enjoys, it's lecturing him as if they're not only 3 years apart, and Itachi won't prick his bubble. He loves to see his charismatic smile, and the dimples it forms on his cheeks.

"When I was a young kid living in the village, all I did was figth. And every single dime that good Lord gave me, I could make it last three, four, five days." In normal times, the Uchiha was always known as a money fighter, coming from the poor side of the family, and Itachi remembers as if it were yesterday how his father would give the poor boy a plate of hot food.

Only when the village recognized his worth did people begin to see him.

"Living it up but living down low, chasing that luck before I get old, and looking back, oh, we had some fun" The younger Uchiha would destroy all those who took advantage of Shisui's kindness, the filthy old village leaders who decided to use him for their own benefit, and listening to him talk about his misfortunes always brings bitter feelings to his throat.

Emotions he knows how to conceal very well.

"What did my father use to tell you back then?" he asks as if he doesn't know the answer, drowning in his own memories, always carrying with him the same anxiety he felt when he found Shisui about to jump into the river.

He had almost arrived too late.

"They would tell you that the sky might fall, they'll say that you might lose it all," The older Uchiha laughs aloud, throwing his head back and holding his stomach. Losing his eye had marked him with permanent instability, a condition only Itachi understands. The village took it upon itself to drain him of all his goodness, leaving a killer of questionable sanity in its wake "so, I run until I hit that wall! Yeah, I learned my lesson, count my blessings, look to the rising sun and run, run, run, run".

Itachi looks at him intently, and can't help but catch his laughter. If you look at him carelessly, Shisui seems to have forgotten everything that happened, perhaps even forgiven, but it's a facade he keeps up only for those who don't really know him. The rest of the Akatsuki don't need to learn his true feelings or intentions.

Shisui joined them for the sole purpose of wiping out the village completely.

"Didn't get everything that I wanted, you already know that, but I got what I need, yeah. Now I see that light in the morning, shining down on me, so, Tachi, take me up high, take me down low, where it all ends nobody knows!" The older Uchiha smiles as if he were twelve years old again and an innocent child knee-deep into issues that don't concern him, being used by the village left and right.

Itachi promised to help him achieve his goal after finishing off the whole family together, receiving Obito's support to flee and plan a concise strategy against Konoha. "Until then let's have some fun, yeah?" he asks tenderly, staring at him and appreciating the man's beauty in the sunlight.

Both of them, together, would avenge that Shisui who almost fell down the river's precipice, avenge the poor boy who was unjustly used because of his talent for nefarious purposes, evil and death.

"Yeah... In the end, I learned my lesson, count my blessings, look to the rising sun, and run." Shisui whispers to himself, his one available eye lost in the horizon and apprehending the sunset. Despite his carefree manner and cheerful personality, Itachi knows what he truly longs for.

They would both destroy all those who tried to harm him.

[heathermartinez]

How the stars aligning inform how I design my offerings

Like most artists, I flutter from idea to idea.

But when it comes to offering classes at Let’s Letter Together! I have a very different approach. I have been planning, setting intentions, harvesting, and sharing the abundance on an annual cyclical basis.

By Winter Solstice of each year, I plant my seeds of intention for the coming year. I let the fertile ground of my intentions help my ideas grow.

By Summer Solstice, my ideas are fully formed and ready to share.

This year I delivered: • Lettering with Pencils • Finding Your Signature Style

Then the real fun begins: Lammas/Harvest allows me to see and share with abundance. This year delivered a bumper crop. As I was planning to announce:

Dancing in the Dark with Sharon Zeugin

When The BigOne! Blowout happened:

BigOne Duet with Brandy Agerbeck

Let’s go BIG Together! (a free class on Neuland markers)

BIG Fun! with the BigOne! With Mike Gold

Not to eclipse my efforts with Sharon, these BigOne sessions have come together quite easily—inspired by a retrograding Venus transiting over my natal sun in Leo and the Venus Cazimi. While Dancing in the Dark has been in slow development for over a year—with good purpose.

Starting on the Fall Equinox when the light and dark are equal, we will begin Dancing with the Dark with Roman Capitals on black paper. Together we will dance with Sharon through a series of prompts and end our time together at Samhain, at a time when the veil is the thinnest, and we will be equipped to let go of what no longer serves us in order to step into the selves we need to become next.

From Sharon… "Let's use this time to emphasize connecting the lettering with personal feeling and one’s own words—a meaningful mantra or something fun to write. This is an opportunity for experimenting with improvisation in terms of writing words and designing as you go.   We’ll start simply and grow from there, always rooted in the knowledge and experience of the forms—and variations on their rhythm, spacing, and proportions."

This launching of ideas and completing them by November 1 aligns perfectly with the Deer Walks I am doing with Cassandra Leoncini (http://www.twoeaglesastrology.com). This is the restart after a 7-year cycle since my first Deer Walks when I lived in DC and needed an integrated Vision Quest in order to leave so I may return to the Southwest.

And it’s after that time that I take all of the ideas I have gathered during this harvest season for 2024 and let them reveal their true selves.

Will I be collaborating more with master calligraphers to give our shared audiences what they need, want, and desire?

Will I both: return to the basics by offering more handwriting classes all WHILE helping visual practitioners Level Up so the important work they are doing is supported?

Will there be another European Lettering Tour? Since 2018 I have taught hundreds of VPs in over 10 different countries in-person. With so many more entering the field, do they need me in-person or will virtual learning continue to grow?

I read a quote on Instagram the other day that said:

“Set goals so high that they demand an entirely different version of you.”

I know where I want to put my focus in 2024:

Appreciative Inquiry,

Lettering,

Tech hosting and building curriculums to support trauma-informed communities

But will the stars align?

Only time will tell. As will my health and well-being in support of these efforts. Both my willingness to grow and the external forces outside of my control will determine what version of me will come next.

What future self are you currently developing?

[briamichellewrites]

50

For the first time since her attack, Bria was spotted in public. The three months had been excruciatingly long. During her recuperation, she experienced a range of emotions, including anger. She was treated with patience by everyone. She observed the woman who had attacked her go to trial. She was ultimately found guilty by the jury and given a life sentence without the possibility of release. It was what she wanted to happen. Bria and Roger read their victim impact statements prior to her sentencing.

"Your honour. My name is Roger Johnson. Bria is my daughter. I am a veteran of the Air Force. I've been taught to confront the enemy and act swiftly and decisively. In my twenty years of service, one thing they never prepared me for was watching my daughter be assaulted. You feel powerless as a parent because there is nothing you can do to alleviate the suffering.

There was nothing wrong with my daughter. She was eager to meet the defendant because she believed she was a fan. Rather, she was kicked several times after being pushed down. I can hear her cries of agony and terror every time I close my eyes.

Because of her utter disregard for other people, the defendant deserves life in prison without the possibility of release. Just because my daughter is bisexual, she attacked her. She has no regrets, and I am certain that she would commit the same crime again if granted parole. Whether or not you believe in the LGBT community is not the issue here.

Everyone should be treated equally, including my daughter. Bria will emerge from this with greater strength than before. She will remain the kindhearted individual she has always been. Please set an example by giving the defendant the harshest punishment possible. Thank you.”

The trial was widely covered by the media. The case was widely discussed by the LGBT community. The maximum sentence was what they desired. Bria came to represent the community. The judge was selected due to her impartiality and fairness. She was. She listened to the case's facts throughout the trial. Whether the defendant had good reason to attack Bria was at issue.

Her attorney attempted to invoke the defence of gay panic. She admitted that her client's actions were wrong while speaking to the court. But because Bria was bisexual, she was unable to control her behaviour. The argument was weak and incredibly foolish. The defendant's complete control over her actions was evident to the judge. She went up to Bria with the express purpose of hurting her. She had the option to leave her alone. Rather, she assaulted her.

Pictures of Bria's wounds were displayed by her attorney. Her treating physician was called as an expert witness. He described her wounds and responded to enquiries about their impact on her. She suffered from bruised ribs, a concussion, and a black eye. He testified that he would have placed her in a medically induced coma to relieve pressure on her brain if she had struck her head more forcefully.

She was very fortunate. Roger also gave a witness statement. He described his observations. The security cameras in the courtroom viewed the tape. It depicted Bria and Roger making their way from the parking lot towards Target's front entrance. The defendant helped to stop them. They could see how at ease Bria was, even though they couldn't hear what they were saying. An attack was not what she had anticipated. However, she was. It was difficult to watch the trial because it replayed all of the events.

"Your honour. My name is Bria Johnson.”

She described the assault and her physical and mental healing process. There were times where little things would trigger anger or frustration. She wished it had never happened, even though she was showered with love and support. She experienced physical pain from her injuries, which made it difficult for her to sleep at night. The attack made her question whether someone had good intentions or if they wished to hurt her. That was something she never experienced before.

"I want LGBT individuals to be free to go out in public without worrying about violence. Every man is made equal. That is what the U.S. Constitution states. irrespective of sexual orientation, national origin, religion, or disability. Thank you.”

Throughout it all, Betsy and Anthony were present. They proudly observed Bria's speech to the court. She was entitled to a life free from violence. They all expressed great satisfaction with the decision. At last, it was over. They expressed gratitude to their attorney for her diligence. Everyone was invited to join them in celebrating. They were understanding if people were busy because it was last minute.

Because they wanted to celebrate and see Bria, almost everyone came over. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Britney Spears, the Backstreet Boys, George Clooney, Bon Jovi, Elton John, and Sheryl Crow were among the celebrities who gave her gifts during the trial.

She opened the packages, and they all watched. They were intended to lift her spirits while she recovered. She received a blanket, a pillow, and a signed, personalised card from Bon Jovi. She received a stuffed kitten from George. He recalled her expressing her love for animals. It was adorable! She was given more stuffed animals, tea, letters, candy, personalised cards, a robe and slippers. Britney sent her some opulent, delicious-smelling bubble bath! The gifts were greatly appreciated, even though she had no expectations.

Chester gave her a bag filled with gifts from each of them. A bell, earplugs, a sleep mask, candy, a DVD of The Nightmare Before Christmas, and a spa day gift card were all included.

Phoenix remarked, "We recall you expressing a desire to see that film."

“That's not even something I recall saying. You guys truly listened. Congratulations.”

They chuckled. She distributed everything so that everyone could see the presents. Anthony regarding her getting a sugar rush from eating so much candy. With the stuffed animals, what was she going to do? To ensure she could always see them, she would store them in her wardrobe.

She would find a place for everything else. She would place the blanket and pillow on her bed. She would also store the letters and cards in her wardrobe. The movie would go in her movie theatre. She retrieved the blanket and unfolded it. An image from Bon Jovi's debut album was included. It matched the size of her bed. She would take the tea into her kitchen.

It was what kind of tea? It was a black tea from England. She would drink it later. Roger ordered pepperoni, sausage and cheese pizza for them. Everyone gathered in the kitchen when they arrived. She put out napkins and plates for them to use. They were all very hungry. Goran gave her a hug of congratulations. She thanked him. Finally, she could go back to living her life without the stress of the trial. She was proud of herself for getting through it.

@alina-dixon @feelingsofaithless

[bpd-bipolar-me]

TW: Talk of meds, mental illness, breakup

Ok, so long story short I'm uprooting my life to move back in with my father across the country. haha yay. I'm scared obviously, but overall I'm hopeful for my future and for some relief from life. I recognize how lucky and privileged in this day to not only have a parent who can financially support you, but who is actively willing and wanting to. I am infinitely blessed to have my father.

I really don't know much of what else to say. my meds are starting to regress which was expected, gets worse towards the end of the month before I go up in dose, and that's in 3 days hopefully. Oh right! Timeline! I may have rushed it, but I feel that was right for me. I'm leaving the 21st, and stopping off in another state to visit some long distance besties before completing the drive over the course of a couple days. The trip is so close.

My boyfriend has decided to wait until I leave to start to process the big change, which isn't at all out of the norm for his time management. I wish he wasn't so avoidant about his feelings, by the time he's ready I'll be out the door and he'll feel as if I didn't give him enough time. Time he chose to use in a different way. It's always me. But that's why I'm leaving, to be better, so it doesn't have to be me, so it doesn't have to be anything. He wants to live as normal, but nothing is normal and I'm becoming apathetic. I should forgive myself for it. It all feels strange, when you become indifferent you lose the rose glasses and allow the things before to hurt you, because you didn't want to let it hurt you then.

I know I'm too much, a burden at times, and overbearing in a lot of ways, the difference is being mean on purpose as compared to being crazy. I feel that intention is incredibly important, and I won't be around people who are intentionally malicious for their own gain or entertainment.

Take your meds and drink some water.

[kosmickay]

Most days I’m borderline professional at pushing the emotions that come with this as deep down as they’ll go. I have, over time, trained myself to not associate you with any emotion anymore. It just hurts too terribly bad. The only possible way I’m at all able to get through each day is by absolutely lying to myself and playing tricks on my brain each time you arise as the main topic of my thoughts. It’s inhumane the measures I have to go to just to survive. You were like my oxygen, my lifeline. For a very long time you were my only reason for continuing on at all. Now that you’ve been completely removed from my timeline I’m in a state of confusion and discomfort. I always feel like I’m forgetting something, like I’m leaving a be try important item behind and no matter how many times I check myself over and retrace my steps the feeling never subsides. I used to think how could one man be so insanely cruel and heartless, but now I see it’s not just “one” man because here he is doing the exact same thing. Was I really that evil? Was I really that toxic and damaging and traumatizing to them that they can consciously do this to me and to my babies without even a second thought? Am I just wildly flawed when it comes to putting my trust and love into people to the point where I inevitably choose people that will ultimately fucking ruin me in the long run? I can’t for the life of me fathom what I could have done in this lifetime, even all of the wrongs I’ve committed all summed up into one big mistake surely to god still doesn’t warrant this kind of cruel disgusting consequence. I truly would like to know what it was that wash over both of you and gave you this supreme God complex to believe you even hold that kind of authority to make the kind of executive decisions about OUR children’s lives and their futures because this is blatant and intentional trauma that isn’t necessary to even inflict in the first place. In my eyes and in my opinion and from where I am standing it looks to me as if it’s pre calculated and planned out abuse and manipulation in attempt to, I don’t know, I guess, boost your ego? Honestly I reallly can’t even begin to fathom your sick minded reasoning behind it and what you tell yourself to justify the damage you’re purposely creating. You know, if I were allowed I’d be the best mom the earth has ever seen. To be a mother is the only thing in give ever aspired for. Even in my adolescent years I dreamt of having a beautiful baby girl and then after my baby girl, having a baby boy. The universe and Mother Nature both listened to my wishes and they granted them easily and I was given just that, a little girl first and then a short time after a little boy. They were both immaculate and unflawed. I was surprised that me being as flawed and imperfect as I am, could create something so beautiful and perfect, not once but twice in a row! That gave me confidence within myself that I had never known before. In loving you, I learned how to love me too. The problem was I was so very young and immature and ignorant to the ways of the world. I was just starting to learn how to function in this world and here I was trying to protect and teach and guide these amazing gorgeous creatures that I had made within my very body and to tell you the truth I was scared beyond comprehension. I had messed up and made mistakes in doing just about every thing in my life at that point and I was so fearful of my blemishes leaking on to you. I had no idea which way was right and which way was left. Honestly, I still have trouble finding my way from time to time now. I was a child with no support system and no one on my side. I was fighting and wasn’t even sure I really deserved what I was fighting for in the first place.with Everton against me I didn’t know who I could trust. I didn’t know which way to turn. I was so afraid of choosing the wrong path by sheer accident and then dragging you down with me through hell. You see, all I’ve ever known in my life is misery and pain. You never deserved to see that and have to endure that.

[weedwitchery]

standard intro post

HI beautiful tumblr fam!!!

I am so grateful to be reintroducing tumblr into my life at this time. I grew up during the wild west days of thinspo & fitspo & magcon (thank FUCK those days are long gone) and used this site throughout all of high school as my diary . tumblr has always been my safe space (peep offt0neverland.tumblr.com if you feel like a big ol throwback!). I've always found the community to be so uplifting and supportive, even where the content got toxic- there was always people with a listening ear and a virtual hug waiting just a click away. When I first signed up I was 14- and 14 years later, here I am, inexplicably drawn back to this beautiful platform that has *always* topped Instagram- some of us just forgot.

I've been spinning my wheels for the last 5 years trying to make social media marketing work for me, specifically on IG. I know that I am an entrepreneur meant to build my own way forward- so of course I was never going to fit into those awful square boxes that IG restricts one to. It dawned on me the other day that where IG sucks the fun out of life, tumblr always felt nurturing to the creative spirit inside me. Tumblr never judged or instigated fear in me or hindered my process; in fact it facilitated it all along and my leaving tumblr coincided with my completely cutting creativity out of my life.

So much has happened since then, but right now I don't feel called to do a catch-up post. What I AM feeling called to is a declaration of my purpose and intention here: this domain is MY space. pun not intended but is relevant! I'm here to bring fun into my creative endeavors so that I can move with joy. I'm ready to feel light, airy + strong in my body again and know that this is how I feel when I am fully creatively expressed instead of keeping myself stagnant. If this space helps others who find their way here? Amazing! I am so glad to be a force of peace and a catalyst for positive change in your reality! But mostly, this space is for me first, because it's about goddamn fucking time. My space=claimed.

And now... to decorate and personalize with all the things that light me up and make me, well, me! Thank you for being here and seeing me in my process. I love you so much and hope your day gets so, so magical from here on out.

With love, gratitude, and a whole lotta weed smoke (much more to come on that don't worry!),

emily l. k. 💙

[whyzzcrackuh]

Visualize. The first step..Or at least "A step" towards a new direction:

Rumor and logistics have convinced and perhaps guided me here..

I know I am "different"...

My story is something I believe will help me through trauma by helping others, and, maybe, achieve a life I want and visualize for myself! One less painful, and more productive! I have a vision, a dream and a journey that I believe is far from over! Honestly, It's as if I've been reborn! I have doubts I am even alive, lol. Because a year ago, Death was so close to my existence I could see him around every corner. Now, I believe With the help from others to guide me in directions with ideas and inspiration information and feedback, This can and will in turn me someone who helps others and someone to be proud of! I got a spark inside me! Without the correct knowledge on a way to ignite this fire,though, I won't ever know my purpose. I need the guidance and support and if my gut is right, I know I will get the life I want! Then I can return benevolence the way I KNOW Is what I'm here for! But I know I can't do it alone! honestly, WHO CAN EVER SUCCEED with true purpose completely alone!? .... no one! That's why life hasn't been easy at all. I was alone. Here is a story 100% true, and though I fear speaking it....and reliving moments that I fear most... I'm being directed by something much bigger to allow the world to know who I am. The truth shall set me free! Perhaps, I am no one of importance at all. There is ALWAYS that ONE chance however, most people, regret not taking. With all the risks throughout my journey that should've killed me!

I stand here alive and able to tell! Some of the most famous and inspirational influential people in history, all became important and valuable messages resided for us through their story...

Here is mine..

"I wish, I will, I manifest this tale, of truth and honesty to be the gift that helps me through and leads to success since the spirits promised me, The knowledge I have and the pain inflicted was only for the guidance of other lost and I was gifted, a blessing and curse to let others see, through all the pain and sorrows' darkness, I held a light that could set them free! I've chosen to speak, No selfish intent I will succeed, this is not just only for me, Once you understand I promise my future is We, come forth and read, this is destiny ! Mote it be! " My name is Rebel for the last 5 years. by birth I am Keli Walls.

Let me ask you, the memories in your life, as far back as the very first one, what is your very first memory being alive ? How old were you? Do you recall the sounds, the colors? The smells?

Who was there? Were you happy? What emotion were you feeling? I'd love to hear your stories!! I wonder often if it is only myself who knows what it feels like to recall only days after birth, most people say around age 5 and older. Some don't even remember much. I'm wondering if mine is but a dream, yet I asked my mother and her reaction said otherwise. Trusting her is not something I can say I do though.

Please leave a message or comment about your own memories!

I recall some very few days after birth (from what I have heard was when this event occurred) awakening, opening my eyes for what seemed to me as the first time, being inside a bubble! Throughout the years of experiencing life The bubble was an incubator inside the hospital. Of course, I am able to explain with knowledge what I was experiencing, at the time I recall the feeling of confusion without knowing what confusion even was. A since of unknown and unfamiliar surroundings. The white reflection of lab coats appearing through the bubble , the smell of air and alcohol fumes from sterilization of hospitals chemicals. Seeing my father peer into the bubble briefly, only knowing a familiar awareness and sound of his voice. Once the pressure released around me, my memory supresses and I recall a memory five years later I'm told. At a river, sunny and warm. Being told my sister is being baptized!! After her dunking, and everyone is no longer focused on the kids swimming, My two sisters encourage me to join them in the water! Taking my clothes off and leaving me nude and exposed to the sun. They called to me alongside their other friends , to the middle of the moving river. I began to excitedly move quickly toward them! As they splash and giggle Ensuring me I am ok to join them! I suddenly go under water unable to touch the ground and be above water breathing! Panicking and frantically wiggling in confusion, my body quits being able to move and my eyes begin seeing the bright warm light I assumed was the sun , from cold to warm and a sudden sensation of chill, as I am pulled from the water by my mother! As I gasp for air I see my sisters each with a crooked smile of disappointment and unaffected by the scolding disappointment and known troublesome, obviously mother very upset! Playing stupid it seemed. The beginning of many evil plots against me. I understand mom left them for years and had me during that time! Revenge and jealousy overtook them. I know in my heart they wanted me dead that day. Every ounce of my being KNOWS the truth. They never liked me. 33 years later they refuse to even acknowledge if I'm dead or alive! I've reached out many times! Begging for forgiveness and for them to be real sisters to me like they are each other! But nope. I made mistakes unforgivable I guess! They are always there for themselves and only speak bad of my habits and life and hate our mom, I don't speak to her either! She is evil. I hate who I was. If I had one person of family who gave me a chance, I probably wouldn't have ended up near the person I was! I had no one. From 15 years old. I raised me. Why the hell shouldn't I have made every wrong choice? No 15 year old has any idea of responsibility and right decisions! I never had a chance. I pray I am now on a better path. Relearning how to live better than I have. I'm beyond an adult and embarrassed of what I became! Anyways....*sigh

During my 33 years of life, Goals and positive thoughts are only fictional beliefs in what has seemed to be a life long dream! Sure, I honestly have thought MANY times before that my ideas and aspirations were easily obtainable! I would put out a little effort, search around for any assistance or advice, only to hear my own souls' broken pieces echo into the distance. My first years of life, despite the unknowing situations of attempted murder I was too young to fully comprehend at the time. My life was full of memories where I recall what love and happiness actually felt like! Places of warmth, welcoming embrace and family was just as if it were a movie. Parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and other relatives added in along the way. Holidays were always filled with joy and belief that life was not ever going to steer into a direction of darkness. The little girl from childhood believed her family would always be there! She believed she was loved, No matter what mistakes one made, Family has unconditional love and is to teach one who makes a mistake a correct way, allowing me to understand why the situation was "bad" or not the right way! Once my parents went separate ways, I guess you could say that was my first hard hitting reality check! My first honest bit of pure heart break and true heart ache! During the final days of my childhood comfort, where my family was still whole, slowly, the reoccurring mental domestic abuse between my parents was creating a whirlwind of emotions inside my heart that I didn't even know existed! I recall sitting atop the dryer or washer to drown out the screaming match! Sitting so still, neither Mom or Dad knew I was there. Hearing my name being thrown into their chaos, I began to blame myself for their developed hatred for one another! My Dad always knew the right way to comfort me. Leaving our conversations open ended and viewing neither parent as the enemy! ......

but, my mother however, installed a type of fear and downloaded a file inside my soul that will forever be triggered in situations I am still attempting to figure out. She engraved a sinister habit that at the time was forced. Her and I were alone and she would tell me how bad my father is, how much he is a liar. He could never love me the way she does! And I am going to have a time soon where I must chose where I want to be when they get their own places! she would promise me, she wouldn't tell him anything I let her know. She said I didn't need to hate him, but I would be lied to and left behind or with some other person while he went with my uncle to work, but she would say work in a way that was snide, expressing work was in fact fishing and drinking to cry to his mommy. But we can't tell him we know the truth about where he goes! Or else he never will learn what punishment is coming for him! Because it's wrong to lie to us right? She'd say. Truth is, my mother terrified me! But when I was sick, she knew how to comfort me. She would let me sneak into their room and sleep, meanwhile my dad would catch me and be very angry! The leverage my mother used to turn my brain into a slow developed monster.

... I am curious if anyone made it this far? If so... would you continue reading? Is this a story that catches your attention? I need feed back good or bad! This is a rough draft of history in the making. I hope. Blessings to my readers.

[lustagel]

it feels good to know you’re mine ⊹ rodrick heffley, doawk black reader in mind but anyone can read. sfw, nsfw content different rodrick’s like perv! rodrick, virgin! rodrick, boyfriend! rodrick… all that. suggestive. kissing. swearing.

boyfriend! rodrick who leaves things at your house just to have an excuse to see you. will leave things that don’t have a purpose in his day to day like a shirt or some bracelets and still come back for them.

best friend! rodrick who likes you, glares at every guy that tries to flirt with you. watches from afar as the two of you talk and will be jealous. will ask you what it was about after or not speak to you all that much (only giving you short sentences and groans until you ask what’s wrong).

pantie-stealer! perv! rodrick who’s definitely slipped a pair of your panties into his pocket when leaving your house. fully planning on fisting them onto his cock later.

boyfriend! rodrick who thinks about fucking you in the back of his van . . . a lot.

boyfriend! rodrick who’s dazed by you in every single way. your smile, your eyes, your ass, your hair— he’s completely whipped.

perv! boyfriend! rodrick who loves when you wear short shorts. watching your ass move in them makes his eyes fall out of his head.

rodrick heffley who’s definitely an ass man but will favorite your tits sometimes.

boyfriend! rodrick who does his own eyeliner but loves when you compliment him.

boyfriend! rodrick’s mom who literally adores you. enjoys seeing her son so happy.

boyfriend! rodrick who loves to make out with you while you sit on his lap. will rest his hands at your waist and not move them or will wrap his arms around your waist to pull you closer.

boyfriend! rodrick who will say yes to anything you ask if you give him that pretty smile and doe eyes.

boyfriend! rodrick’s mom who takes pictures of the two of you in the embarrassing mom way and will keep them.

“aww, you two look so cute. come here, come here. let me take a picture.”

boyfriend! rodrick who acts so big and bad but will lay on your chest and let you play in his hair, going as far as going to sleep on you.

crush! rodrick who makes plans to hang out with you most of the summer.

boyfriend! rodrick who likes when you wear his shirts. especially his bands shirts. won’t get you one of your own though because he wants you to wear his.

perv! boyfriend! rodrick who watches you change when you’re in his room sometimes. says he won’t look but he always end up taking a peak. can’t help it.

rodrick heffley with a sweet girlfriend who loves how friendly and supportive you are, but absolutely hates how so many guys are pulled in by your personality. you’re intentions being so much different than theirs.

boyfriend! rodrick who does stupid things to impress you.

boyfriend! rodrick who looks at you with doe eyes every time you speak. listens to you even when you’re talking about complete nonsense.

virgin! boyfriend! rodrick who supposedly knows all about what girls like but has absolutely no experience with kissing and will stutter up a storm when you first ask for one.

boyfriend! rodrick who will buy things that he doesn’t need but you do. for example, him getting a mirror in his room just for you to look at yourself in so you don’t have to go to the bathroom.

boyfriend! rodrick who will listen to your music, and will secretly listen to it over and over even if it’s not his normal taste.

virgin! perv! boyfriend! rodrick who likes when you roll your hips onto him when you’re on his lap. the thin fabric of your panties and his boxers the only thing stopping the two of you from being skin to skin.

boyfriend! rodrick who rubs your relationship in greg’s face. always grinning from ear to ear when you do something sweet for him in front of him.

boyfriend! rodrick who doesn’t really do too much PDA. only wrapping his arm around your waist and maybe some forehead kisses.

boyfriend! rodrick who likes when you kiss him on the cheek when you’re leaving but adores when you give him a kiss and you’re lipgloss/chapstick lingers on his lips.

boyfriend! rodrick biggest excuse nowadays being “can’t. girlfriend’s coming over” with the biggest grin.

crush! rodrick who doesn’t know how to flirt at all. always awkwardly smiling, making stupid jokes and saying the “wrong” things.

boyfriend! rodrick band mates who call him whipped all the time.

crush! rodrick who’s so positive he will get your number he brags about having you wrapped around his finger already, but will get your number and get excited about every interacting with you. small and big.

boyfriend! rodrick who holds the door for you then will let it shut completely on greg’s face.

boyfriend! rodrick who gets caught up with the band and has to be pulled away from them so you can spend time together.

virgin! boyfriend! rodrick who doesn’t know how big he is until you’re whining at him that he’s really deep.

boyfriend! rodrick gets rid of his dirty magazines from up under his bed to fill a shoe box with pictures of you. the pictures being of what you expect and he has to hide them the best he can because of greg’s snooping.

boyfriend! rodrick who likes surprises and gifts. especially if you made them yourself and he can wear it for everyone to see.

boyfriend! rodrick who tries to be as close as possible to you during the summer. with you short shorts, small shirts and bathing suits guys are bound to be howling at your feet.

crush! rodrick who enjoys halloween and seeing you at parties. eyes glued on you the entire night.

boyfriend! rodrick who’s gotten in trouble more than three times for how loud the two of you are.

[visualpractitioner]

How the stars aligning inform how I design my offerings

Like most artists, I flutter from idea to idea.

But when it comes to offering classes at Let’s Letter Together! I have a very different approach. I have been planning, setting intentions, harvesting, and sharing the abundance on an annual cyclical basis.

By Winter Solstice of each year, I plant my seeds of intention for the coming year. I let the fertile ground of my intentions help my ideas grow.

By Summer Solstice, my ideas are fully formed and ready to share.

This year I delivered: • Lettering with Pencils • Finding Your Signature Style

Then the real fun begins: Lammas/Harvest allows me to see and share with abundance. This year delivered a bumper crop. As I was planning to announce:

Dancing in the Dark with Sharon Zeugin

When The BigOne! Blowout happened:

BigOne Duet with Brandy Agerbeck

Let’s go BIG Together! (a free class on Neuland markers)

BIG Fun! with the BigOne! With Mike Gold

Not to eclipse my efforts with Sharon, these BigOne sessions have come together quite easily—inspired by a retrograding Venus transiting over my natal sun in Leo and the Venus Cazimi. While Dancing in the Dark has been in slow development for over a year—with good purpose.

Starting on the Fall Equinox when the light and dark are equal, we will begin Dancing with the Dark with Roman Capitals on black paper. Together we will dance with Sharon through a series of prompts and end our time together at Samhain, at a time when the veil is the thinnest, and we will be equipped to let go of what no longer serves us in order to step into the selves we need to become next.

From Sharon... "Let's use this time to emphasize connecting the lettering with personal feeling and one’s own words—a meaningful mantra or something fun to write. This is an opportunity for experimenting with improvisation in terms of writing words and designing as you go.   We’ll start simply and grow from there, always rooted in the knowledge and experience of the forms—and variations on their rhythm, spacing, and proportions."

This launching of ideas and completing them by November 1 aligns perfectly with the Deer Walks I am doing with Cassandra Leoncini (http://www.twoeaglesastrology.com). This is the restart after a 7-year cycle since my first Deer Walks when I lived in DC and needed an integrated Vision Quest in order to leave so I may return to the Southwest.

And it’s after that time that I take all of the ideas I have gathered during this harvest season for 2024 and let them reveal their true selves.

Will I be collaborating more with master calligraphers to give our shared audiences what they need, want, and desire?

Will I both: return to the basics by offering more handwriting classes all WHILE helping visual practitioners Level Up so the important work they are doing is supported?

Will there be another European Lettering Tour? Since 2018 I have taught hundreds of VPs in over 10 different countries in-person. With so many more entering the field, do they need me in-person or will virtual learning continue to grow?

I read a quote on Instagram the other day that said:

“Set goals so high that they demand an entirely different version of you.”

I know where I want to put my focus in 2024:

Appreciative Inquiry,

Lettering,

Tech hosting and building curriculums to support trauma-informed communities

But will the stars align?

Only time will tell. As will my health and well-being in support of these efforts. Both my willingness to grow and the external forces outside of my control will determine what version of me will come next.

What future self are you currently developing?

[michanvalentine]

It took me a while because I lost track of the post.

I just wanted to add a couple of considerations. The reasons that pushed Lucrecia to "save" Vincent are mostly these:

Love.

Guilt.

Atonement.

She loved Vincent. She felt guilty for putting him in that situation. Saving Vincent was like saving Grimoire a little too; fix everything somehow. Thesis and experimentation were the only means available to do so. Unfortunately for her, the experiment did not yield the desired results and Vincent, although stabilized, did not regain self-awareness. She was obviously desperate and I understand that she couldn't think in a truly rational way, but among Lucrecia's good intentions there is also a bit of selfishness. Because saving Vincent in these terms means condemning him to a damned existence that will last until the end of the world, only to leave him on a dying planet. Alone. The thesis was hers, she should have known what would happen by uniting Vincent's fate with that of Chaos. As for Sephiroth, I have a very personal interpretation. I am a mother. I have a wonderful daughter who I love with all of myself... and I can say that before having her I would not have imagined I could experience such a feeling. So strong, so total. At the same time, before we even physically conceived her, my husband and I were already fantasizing about what it would be like to have a child of our own. And the idea of ​​this little being made space within us, it grew, it gradually became more concrete and more and more detailed, so much so that we were already in love with him/her even before he/she existed. And then she really arrived. And love increased a hundredfold. Well, I think that this psychological step, fundamental for the parents' preparation in welcoming the newborn, was completely missed by poor Lucrecia. She had Hojo next to her. And he had a science project to do. And I honestly don't think there was love between them. Above all I can't imagine Hojo as a person capable of love. Of manipulating people, yes. So Sephiroth was not born from the love of his parents. No, he was conceived for a purpose. A scientific one, to be precise. He wasn't a child, but just an experiment, a mass of cells to be tested on. This is how it was conceived in their minds. And perhaps Lucrecia didn't even want a child, she simply offered herself as an incubator because the project needed a child and she was the only person with a uterus in the Shinra Mansion. Obviously she is also supported and pushed by Hojo and his expectations. So before having Sephiroth she never fantasized about this child; picking him up, seeing him walk for the first time, hearing him say his first words, singing him a lullaby, etc. At most with Hojo they will have fantasized about which and how many scientific awards they would have achieved. And this is what deceived her, what pushed her to make the decision to participate in the experiment: the fact that it was not a child born from the desire to be a mother. Hojo obviously didn't want to be a father, just a great scientist. So Lucrecia thought it might work, that she could remain as detached to the end as she had been at the beginning. When in fact Sephiroth doesn't exist yet. Otherwise I don't understand how she could have experimented on her child. It's true that Jenova was considered a Cetra at the time, but in a delicate phase like pregnancy, in which the fetus develops, it doesn't take much to ruin everything. And such experiments were certainly not 100% safe, there was always the risk that something would go wrong and cause the death of the baby in the womb. And personally I would never have risked my daughter's life. NEVER.

But Lucrecia moved on, because that wasn't her son. This wasn't how it was designed. And instead she felt Sephiroth growing inside her, she heard the beating of his heart, she felt his movements inside her belly. And finally the child arrived, finding her despite herself with a heart full of love. Completely unprepared, even defenseless before that realization. And Hojo didn't let her hold him even once. No man would do this to the woman he loves. No, Lucrecia is not a mad scientist. She wanted to, perhaps, but she was also a woman and a mother, whether she was aware of it or not. This is the tragedy of Lucrecia Crescent, I believe. Inside her, reason and the vocation for science clash with completely uncontrollable emotions and feelings. All in an unfavorable context.

Things about Vincent Valentine that I read around and piss me off. Vol.2

"Vincent was too shy and passive. He is an idiot."

Usually in reference to his attitude towards Lucrecia after the breakup. As if he could somehow save his relationship with her (and thus prevent everything else). I say yes, perhaps he could have sought further clarification, but for me the situation has never been so simple and linear.

Ok, let's start from the beginning. First of all, Vincent is a sensitive and intelligent person, with an above-average education. A person who thinks a lot, even too much. So calling him an idiot, especially in such a context, is really having a superficial reading of the character. Honestly, this statement bothers me a lot even when it is extended to the other part: Lucrecia. But that's another story... Secondly, let's remember that the two had a real relationship. In DoC Vincent was never a sort of stalker fixated on Lucrecia despite the unrequited love, as he might have appeared in the OG (unless the remake wants to tell yet another story.) Even Hojo was aware of their love story, in fact when Lucrecia pronounces the fateful "Yes, doctor" he says: "So you've come to your senses and chosen me." And I don't think Hojo was exactly the type to care about gossip.

That said, I would add my interpretation on Vincent's "passivity". A while ago I read a comment, something like: Lucrecia went with Hojo to gauge how much Vincent cared about her, since she thought he hated her due to the Grimoire's death. So she was waiting for Vincent to react and take her away from Hojo, but Vincent was just too shy and passive to do something so outrageous. I couldn't help but respond to this comment like this: This would be a really sick way of demanding attention. In this case Lucrecia would be truly mentally ill and Vincent would simply be a sane person who behaves properly. I believe there are several biases in this regard. First and foremost, the old-fashioned concept of Prince Charming rescuing the damsel in distress. Which I hate. Secondly I don't think Lucrecia left Vincent because she thought he despised her for the Grimoire incident. Otherwise she wouldn't have needed to push him away, because in that case Vincent himself would have been the one to leave her. No, the reasons are different:

Feelings of guilt led her to think she couldn't be by his side. As if Vincent didn't deserve someone as bad as her in his life.

Every time she looked at Vincent, given the extreme similarity, she saw Grimoire again and remembered the event that had traumatized her.

Obviously Lucrecia didn't put Vincent to the test, she was determined to put as much distance as possible between her and Vincent because she felt it was right for him and too painful for her to continue. Stop. The relationship with Hojo is an addition, but also desired for other reasons. She neither expected nor wanted to be saved. Not to mention that Vincent is not Lucrecia's father and had neither the responsibility nor the duty to do so. She is an adult. Certainly, by breaking off their relationship, Lucrecia has also made a decision for Vincent. He didn't object, he passively accepted and stepped aside. But are we sure he could have done otherwise? Are we sure he could change Lucrecia's mind? How exactly? Young Vincent was naive and introverted, but Vincent's passivity in this case was also determined by other factors. Maybe he could have made his feelings about Grimoire's death and about Lucrecia more clear. But at the same time I think it wasn't necessary, because they were obvious. It's Lucrecia who no longer knows what her true feelings are. And she will only be able to clarify them for herself later, in fact at the end of DoC she will confess to Vincent: "I finally realized my true feelings. Even if you may never understand them".

But let's analyze the facts and see how they unfolded. Given the above, at first Lucrecia was so focused on herself due to guilt that she was numb to everything else. Even to Vincent. In DoC, when Vincent discovers the file on Grimoire, Lucrecia yells at him to "stop it". She doesn't want to listen and at the same time she doesn't give him a chance to express himself. Likewise, after apologizing to him, she ran away without giving him a chance to reply. And let's remember that out of the blue he was left by the love of his life for no valid reason, at least from his point of view. Not to mention that Grimoire's death must have been painful for him too. Reacting is not easy when you are confused, grieving and heartbroken. From that moment on, Vincent Valentine was completely cut out of Lucrecia's life. Lucrecia keeps him at a distance, due to points 1 and 2 above, and as a final barrier she puts Hojo in the middle (of course, the scientist is there too for other reasons). In the scene around the table, when Vincent asks her "if she's sure", Hojo really seems like a wall between the two that still prevents direct confrontation. And Lucrecia appears clearly angry that he has come forward with objections. At the Shinra Mansion Vincent Valentine seems to have no say in anything. Lucrecia doesn't give him the chance to argue, Hojo first rudely silences him because he's just a Turk and then definitively closes his mouth with a bullet. But even if silenced, Vincent's feelings and intentions remain evident. Even Hojo knew them, in fact when he discovers that Lucrecia is experimenting on Vincent's body he says: "How happy this fellow must be. Helping his beloved even after he's begun rotting away." Lucrecia herself, through her data, at a certain point in DoC will say: "I pushed you away, but… now I realize, I never wanted to lose you." And again later: "I made so many mistakes. And I hurt you so, so much. Why did I do what I did?" Deep down Lucrecia knew she had pushed him away for her own personal reasons, and not because he despised her or anything. She knew she had made a mistake, of having been blinded by fear and guilt, that she had mortified his feelings and that she had made him suffer for it, especially because the breakup had been practically forced on him. So I repeat: should he continue to chase Lucrecia, proclaiming his love like a crazy in the hope of changing her mind? Let's pretend he had the opportunity (always excluding kidnappings or ambushes). He could have to, yes, but in addition to reiterating the obvious and saying things already known even to the person concerned (after all, if there is something imperishable, capable of overcoming pain, time and even death, it is the love that Vincent Valentine feels for Lucrecia), she probably wouldn't have listened to him anyway. Because, as Vincent would say, "she was always like that, only believing what she wanted to."

[frazzledsoul]

The thing about S6 Jess Mariano is that there is simultaneously too much of him and not enough.

I've been watching old episodes recently because of a story I've been writing on and off for a week, and I don't think people truly appreciate the amount of set-up that went into Jess's scenes in The Real Paul Anka. In this show, there are supporting cast members who almost never get scenes of their own outside of interacting with the girls and various townies. I think Paris has exactly one scene that doesn't involve Lorelai or Rory. Dean has a handful. Sookie has just one off the top of my head. I believe Logan has one as well. All of these people were on the show far, far longer than Jess was. It seems only Luke, Lane, and Jess have a lot of scenes with characters other than Lorelai and Rory...and in season 6, Jess has not been seen for two years and has not been a main cast member for three. We get an introduction to his place of work, he has interactions ALONE (!) with his friends/coworkers, we get an extended sequence where he explains to Luke how exactly his job works and where he lives, he has significant interactions with both Luke, April, and Rory, and closes out the last we see of his relationship with Luke in the OS on a good note. None of the other love interests get this, because while we spend more time with them, they are not developed as individuals outside of Rory. Dean is the good boyfriend who unexpectedly leads Rory into an affair and who we last see chafing at her desire to leave him behind, while Logan is the rich, dangerous boyfriend who entices Rory into the elitist world that Lorelai sought to escape from and who will eventually lead her astray because he is unable to escape from his father's expectations, forcing Rory to repeat the life patterns of her mother (God, I hate the AYITL ending. It blows). Jess is his own person, whose existence is not completely defined by Rory, but who eventually inspires her to seek out the path that she wants by virtue of his own example. And at the end of the story, he is the one door left open, the one person who is working with her on her goals and is still involved with her life.

(This is why I chafe when people say Jess wasn't endgame, even after all of these years. One of the last things ASP said about a follow-up is that she was going to chase Milo and Alexis down and make them do it. Her intentions were pretty obvious, even for those of us like me who don't necessarily hate Logan).

What's so great about S6 Jess is that almost all of the stuff that made him a terrible boyfriend and such a damaged, tortured character during his original run on the show has been smoothed over. He meets Rory on her terms and makes plans at her convenience: he acknowledges her discomfort: he is far more concerned with her than busting the chops of her boyfriend (although that part is clearly fun, too). He's considerate, social, a person who makes plans and follows up on them. He's confident yet self-effacing: when Rory is found to be using him, he reminds her of the boundary she's crossed yet doesn't lash out. It doesn't change his feelings overall: she isn't choosing him at the time being, but he still cares about her. Even though we leave him with a broken heart, we know he's got a life beyond her, something he didn't have when we last saw him in season 3 and season 4. He has friends, a purpose, a respected place in his community: he will be okay. It's a better place than we leave Dean and likely a better place than we leave Logan in AYITL. He will be okay.

I'm of the mind that Jess's participation in the last season of the OS has less to do with the writing team changing (although I don't think Milo was particularly keen on working with the new guys, either) and more to do with what else Milo was working on at the time. Heroes was a huge, huge deal when it first came out and networks aren't always amenable to lending out their actors to work for their competitors. I just don't think it was possible for Jess to show up no matter who was writing that season. I do occasionally wonder what the S7 writers would have done with him. It doesn't escape my scrutiny that the show skips the actual Christmas holiday because Rory was in London, because Jess almost certainly would have traveled to Stars Hollow to visit his mom and newborn sister and comfort his depressed uncle. There certainly were a lot of uses for him that had nothing to do with Rory.

AYITL Jess is of course more or less the same, only with bigger arm muscles and some of the edges smoothed out: the main difference is that we see he's been more or less accepted into the Gilmore/Danes clan and is a more active support system for Luke and his mother.

At this late stage in the game, I'm not expecting or wanting a follow-up and I think odds are very much against there ever being one. I do wish that knowing that AYITL was all there was that they had given us more time with Jess (if possible) and that there was some sort of definitive end for him and Rory instead of the door just being swung wide open and an indication of a future (and of course, Jess being a total dreamboat). However, as with all things ASP, you take what you can get and what was given to us here wasn't that bad.

Those last four words still suck, though.