bpd-bipolar-me

[bpd-bipolar-me]

First Time On Meds

TW: Talk of meds & symptoms, mental disorders and illness & symptoms, self-medication, substances,

On November 12th I went in to talk to a psychiatric counselor and medications manager for the first time to finally consider medication with a professional, up until now I was self medicating with MaryJ, nicotine, and had a previous addiction to alcohol. I was originally recommended Lithium but we decided on Abilify generic brand due to the slight difference in symptoms. I'm doing 2mg for 1 month and then having another appointment to discuss and see if I need a change or if we should go up in dosage.

I took my first dose yesterday at around 4 pm, since the side effects can either make you sleepy or give you insomnia I wanted to make sure I hade some time to deal with either and get a good feel for what time I should be taking my dose. I will be taking it at night before bed tonight and will sit with that routine unless I feel the need to change it or experiment.

So far, my partner says I've been grumpy and irritable for the past day and night, I hadn't even noticed I was being cold and short with him and we got into a tiny tiff because I felt guilty and over-apologized an hour ago. I've noticed that I'm a bit more irritable though, a little lethargic, and I'm definitely experiencing the drop in blood pressure during the initial doses. I actually passed out and took a nap from 10pm-12am last night, right back to bed, and then woke up at like 630-7am with spotty nausea, heartburn, and acid burps. My brain feels a little swimmy too, but full transparency I am regularly smoking MaryJ and Abilify has a reaction to it, I'm thinking of trying no smoke tonight before bed, I usually get really high before bed so I don't have nightmares and now it's a dependency because I have a really hard time getting to bed and falling asleep in the first place. Anyway, my medications manager says that they don't actually mind me smoking for my PTSD and nightmares, but to just be very aware of how it interacts with my prescription. I mean realistically I want to have a more relaxed and fun relationship with the plant, and if my meds are doing the job of what the smoke was supposed to be doing, then I don't NEED to be smoking it basically at all.

Take your damn meds💛

~Bellie

[bpd-bipolar-me]

TW: Talk of meds, ed's, sh, sa, attempted sc, mental disorders & illness,

The First Post

I figure my first post, since it rarely goes read, should be an introduction to me and my plan for the blog! I want to say welcome and I’m excited to begin this page, I’ve wanted to start a blog for a while so I find it lovely that you’re joining me for the adventure 💛🥰

About Me

I have been facing symptoms of mental illness since the age of 12-13, and I turn 23 later this month. Within the last couple months I have ramped up my treatment when it comes to mental health; therapist, psychiatrist, diagnosis’s, medication, and group therapy. Although I have not dialed in a specific diagnosis in relation to BPD and Bipolar disorder, I do have a confirmed diagnosis for anxiety, depression, and PTSD. After talking with mental health professionals I have been told that I very likely have either BPD or Bipolar, and I have also discussed the possibility of a dual diagnosis (both BPD and Bipolar)*. Bipolar runs prominently in one side of my family and I display symptoms and characteristics of both disorders. I have struggles with eating disorders since the age of 14-15 and now only struggle with restrictive eating habits and distorted body image. I suffered family abuse and neglect growing up. My parents divorced when I was 16 but it didn't devastate anybody in the family, we all knew the marriage was rotten in it's ways. I choose to move with my dad and my siblings stayed with my mother. I have since cut contact with my mother and siblings a couple months ago but that's a story for another time. I used to sh, specifically the "emo" way but funnily I didn't have a emo phase, I've dropped out of college twice, have been sa'd many times, attempted sc twice in my life, have never been hospitalized, and just started Abilify yesterday. I was initially recommended Lithium but I don't think I'm even remotely ready for that. But more on that later.

About The Page

I wish for this page to be a place that someone like me can comfortably expose the inner and outer workings of a person with unstable emotions and moods, someone who may* have a personality or mood disorder. I hope for it to be a place that someone like me can see and relate to in some way, or someone who cannot relate at all can develop a better understanding of what it's like to live this way and experience life the way we do. I wish for this page to be a place to help and heal me and others in any way, and a piece of the world where I can show and share whatever I wish to. Please take what connects and be open to understanding what doesn't.

I wish you the bestest of days and nights, remember to drink water, have a stretch, breath deep, and take your damn meds!!💛

~Bellie