#and find it extremely hard to regulate my emotions

[delicate---bones]

I always forget how having genuine feelings for someone makes me actually insane

[byanyan]

ㅤbeen thinking today about how byan's anger can be really scary to witness... it's very... raw. anger is the emotion they feel the most intensely, and the one they filter the least. it's raw, it's heated, and it's very instinct-driven — they have very little control over it, and they're certainly not thinking before they do or say anything. impulses are followed, whether it's to lash out and cause harm to whatever has hurt them, or to throw or break whatever is within arm's reach just to release even a little bit of the energy that's overwhelming them. they don't know what else to do with it. literally no thoughts, all that their mind can focus on is the emotion; they just want to get it out and stop feeling this way (and/or ensure the person who's pissed them off gets what they deserve) and they'll do whatever it takes to ensure that. i think that lack of control really shows too, like it's palpable in the air and adds an extra layer of discomfort and uncertainty if you're in the same room as them. concern for one's own safety is valid in such a scenario too tbh, because they have hurt people in the past who they never would have caused harm to normally (both directly and indirectly; sometimes by their own hand, other times as an unintended consequence of them throwing/breaking something). it's not something they're proud of, but they also just... don't know what to do about it. ...they're honestly afraid of their own anger, at times. afraid of what they're capable of and what they might one day do.

[aether-starlight]

Mending - Zayne

Pairing: Zayne x Reader

Warnings: None.

Word count: 1k

Summary: Grandma and Caleb’s absence is hard on you. When you find yourself in the emergency ward, Zayne shows up with a helping hand.

Zayne was the one to break the news of Grandma and Caleb’s passing to you.

The memory was a blur, a concentration of words that blended one into the other until they became a whole different language.

You hated to admit that for a moment you had wished you had gone with them. Then you wouldn’t have to feel so alone.

Burying yourself in missions and textbooks had come as easy as breathing afterward. The less time you had to spare, the less you thought about them.

It gave you a sick kind of relief not to have to remember your Grandma’s voice or her delicious cooking. The scent of her home or the wrinkles from smiling that framed her eyes.

Forgetting Caleb’s easy laughter and the weight of his arm draped over your shoulders felt infinitely easier than knowing you wouldn’t have it ever again.

Until the day came when working wasn’t enough. Missing them had become a phantom pain you could not get rid of.

Your poor sleep schedule and foggy mind caught up to you, and it was a little surprise that you ended up in the emergency ward.

It was pure carelessness, the way you had disconnected yourself from your body, how you hadn’t felt the graze of claws until you were slammed into your back.

Now you were bandaged up — with a dislocated shoulder—, and trying to remain focused as a nurse asked you if you had consumed any kind of sedative or psychoactive substance.

“I didn’t.” Your voice managed to crack in between those two words.

The nurse eyed you doubtfully, tracing the dark circles beneath your eyes and the fisted hands tightly pressed to your lap.

“I can take it from here, thank you.” A familiar voice broke through before she could inquire further.

“Zayne,” you called, feeling some of the tension upon your shoulders wane.

He pushed the curtains to your section closed, stepping until his thighs were a breath away from your knees.

Your foolish heart sped up when he leaned down until your eyes were at the same level.

He smelled like usual, something fresh and light, a trace of soap and lavender beneath the hospital’s antiseptic.

“I think I recommended that you rest and maintain good sleep hygiene as you recover.” He paused, assessing your reaction. “I believe I also suggested for you to see a grief counselor before returning to the field.”

You cleared your throat, forcing your voice to not come out as weak as it felt.

“I did. Go to the counselor, that is.”

“What about sleeping?” It was a futile question, for you both knew the answer.

“I can’t help it if it’s hard for me.”

You closed your eyes, furious at how defeated you sounded.

Zayne’s voice became softer, his hand pressing into your uninjured shoulder.

“Nightmares?”

You nodded.

“Look at me.”

When you opened your eyes there was no judgment in his face. You almost would dare say he seemed worried.

“You went through an extremely traumatic experience. No one would blame you for needing help.”

Your eyes stung.

“What help could you give me?” It wasn’t necessarily hostile, if anything, your tone was curious.

Zayne let out a slow breath, pulling back, face clouded with contemplation.

“My shift is over. Come with me.”

At your widened eyes, he hastened to add: “We’ll talk. Have a cup of tea. It will help you regulate your emotions and promote the release of serotonin, necessary for sleep.”

The ghost of a smile pulled at your lips. Zayne had a peculiar way of being sweet without meaning to.

“Okay.”

“I can’t sleep.” You mumbled into the dark.

After hours of talking it had gotten quite late, and given your arm predicament, you were unfit to ride your motorcycle back home.

Zayne had kindly offered for you to sleep in his bed and was now on a futon beside it.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked, patient as usual.

“Things I don’t want to remember.”

The deafening sound of the explosion, the ringing in your ears afterward. Caleb’s last smile to you, and glimpses of your home blazed alight.

You closed your eyes as if that could stop the memories from pouring in.

“Can you come here, please?” You asked, feeling incredibly small. It wasn’t a feeling you cherished.

Zayne sighed lightly, but it wasn’t exactly annoyed.

“Alright.”

He laid carefully beside you, leaving a proper space between your bodies.

Your hand automatically reached forward, intertwining your fingers with his.

His hand was cold, but it felt nice, a break from the heated panic you found yourself in lately.

“Do you want to discuss it?”

“I don’t think I can.” You said honestly, then whispering: “I don’t want to break, Zayne.”

His hand tightened in yours.

“You’re not breaking. You are mending.”

A small smile cracked through your lips.

“Thanks. I hope so.”

A heartbeat passed before Zayne spoke again.

“What if…?”

“What?”

He shifted in place, turning so he was looking at the ceiling instead of you.

“Forget it.”

“Zayne.”

He sighed, knowing you wouldn’t let it go.

“What if we do that mindfulness exercise your yoga teacher taught you? The one you showed me.”

You smiled lightly.

“I’d like that.”

“Alright,” he murmured. “Close your eyes.”

“You’re supposed to cover them with your hand, silly.”

He huffed a small laugh.

“So impatient.”

Any mirth vanished from the air when he shifted closer, until your side was pressed to his chest.

“Are you comfortable with this?” He asked.

You nodded, adding in a quiet: “yes,” for good measure.

Zayne’s lips hovered close to your ear, breath fresh and just a bit cold. The mint of his toothpaste sent a shiver down your spine.

He smelled more of lavender and less of antiseptic now, his pajamas’ shirt soft against your arm.

When his hand covered your eyes, you let out a soft breath.

“We are children and you are coming home from school. We run into each other,” he whispers. “I approach you and treat you to something sweet…”

That night no nightmares come for you.

When you wake up, Zayne’s hand is cradling your cheek.

[bardicbird]

Working on my own Disco Elysium skills! Individual art pieces and descriptions (in the style of the game) below the cut :]

DIALECTICS

Examine verbal landscapes. Get to the truth of the matter.

Cool for: Logicians, Philosophers, Asshole Devil’s Advocates

Dialetics urges you to look beyond the basics of conversation. It encourages you to discuss theories, truths and falsehoods, until you exhaust everyone around you with your sheer affinity for taking the most convoluted routes to your deductions—but, hey, it works! Those people are only *really* annoyed because you very accurately psychoanalyzed them.

At high levels, Dialectics will help you reason with even the most convoluted of situations. You will be an unstoppable detective, who may occasionally suffer from some unintended side effects such as: your brain and mouth moving too fast, overcomplicating little things, becoming an insufferable jerk, and joining your local debate team. With low levels of Dialectics, you’re going to have a difficult time seeing through both worldly and interpersonal deceptions. You may find yourself being taken advantage of. 

EVOCATION

Recall emotions and imagery. Paint complete pictures of the past. 

Cool for: Visualizers, Chronic Observers, Witnesses Of Crimes

Evocation allows you to call forth memories that may otherwise be lost in the recesses of your mind. Previous instances of sound, touch, taste, feeling, sight—all of these are at your beck and call: able to be summoned within and around you in a great miasma of experience. You will be able to relive important events, even those that were only mere seconds, and examine them closer to reveal what you couldn’t comprehend in the moment. 

At high levels, Evocation will help you reimagine scenes that may have happened years ago, lasted the length of a blink—or, perhaps, even allow you to picture memories that you were not present for. You will find yourself constantly transported to the past: a single whiff of a familiar perfume enough to completely derail your senses. With low levels of Evocation, you’re going to have a hard time remembering simple conversations and potentially important visual details. You will have to rely on others in such scenarios. 

BODY OF LAWS

Know your rights. Remember fun courtroom trivia. 

Cool for: Lawyers, Law-Evaders, Stick-In-The-Muds

Body Of Laws is responsible for your ability to follow the law at any given time—or don’t! Just because you know the rules doesn’t mean you have to play by them. Regardless, it certainly allows you to recall a, frankly, embarrassing amount of your government’s regulations, and may encourage you to ‘stay in your lane’, so to speak, regarding them. Governments aren’t the only entities that enact rules, though: you will also find yourself privy to understanding unspoken boundaries set by people, nature, and even your subconscious self.

At high levels, Body Of Laws will either make you an *extremely* insufferable goody-two-shoes, or a *wildly* effective cheat-of-the-system. You may end up feeling suffocated by all these restrictions you can so clearly see, causing you to become complicit with the movings of the machine—or potentially apathetic to why we need some of these restrictions in the first place. With low levels of Body Of Laws, you may find yourself accidentally violating boundaries you didn’t know existed—whether they be legal, personal, or cultural. 

[sunlit-mess]

what is bpd, and how does it make you feel? do you have different personalities? do they just randomly take over each other?

sorry if this sounds stupid. i js want to understand it better :)

Borderline Personality Disorder

where you're all sunshine and rainbows for one second then it's the end of the world, you're already burning while not even reaching hell yet in the next.

tbh we just try to find the fun in chaos idk it's orbital insanity but hehehey what else can we do- we might as well dance with it

( I'm also trying hard to understand it myself- the info here is just my past knowledge in researching this disorder. )

BPD is a cluster B personality disorder that severely affects your emotional function and regulation. Everything else will scream INSTABILITY.

There are a lot of factors that cause the development of this disorder, and environmental influence (TRAUMA) is the most common. Psychiatric comorbidity is also common for people with this disorder.

BPD affects your entire being and life: from behavior, relationships, perception, mood swings, way of thinking, etc. + There are other variants to it like > Petulant bpd: unpredictable asf mood swings and taken outward + sometimes/often tied with narcissism > Impulsive bpd: engages in risky behavior bc of impulse > Self-destructive bpd: plagued with deep self-hatred + sh behaviors > Quiet bpd/discouraged: high-functioning and experience is inward than outward

Main symptoms are: Intense mood swings (explosive /unpredictable/rapid change), Unstable self-image, Unstable intense relationships, Fear of abandonment/rejection, Chronic feelings of emptiness, risky/dangerous behaviors (from sh to impulse), disoriented/dissociative... Honestly, there's more to it but that's its main criteria for how they figure it out I guess.

When u talk about self-image/personality with this disorder, you're likely to mirror others, then it sends you to an existential crisis of who the fuck you are really without the people you're mirroring from/connected with.

Or, you have extreme beef with yourself that you don't feel like your own soul, body, or mind, you just want to literally burn yourself to the ground or crawl out of your own skin to feel 'right'.

[weebsinstash]

hi! I cannot understand Val’s personality at all, and you’re my favorite writer for him, so I was wondering if you could tell me how he’d react in a situation where his darling is being harassed at a bar he’s not at? Like darling obviously has a tracker on their phone and they know it, but they also can’t leave the bar because that risks them getting kidnapped

maybe Val has already started calling them and leaving voicemails because they no showed, so you know that if you don’t call him and have an immediate reason for not responding you’ll probably be in for a very painful night, so you tell whoever is harassing you that you need to go into the bathroom, and it’s very obvious that they followed you but aren’t in the bathroom, so you just take out your phone and finally answer one of Val’s calls, and you make it obvious your crying, but you also hold the phone away from you so it doesn’t seem like you want Val to know your crying.

after that I’m kinda stuck on how he’d react, but if you’d rather not add to this it’s fine, this was part me wanting a response and part me wanting to tell someone my ideas

If it makes you feel better I also find Val's personality to be levels of inconsistent however I kinda interpret it being inconsistent because he's um an extremely emotional person and also an alcoholic addict and he's constantly pinballing between "oooo this will make me money" to "oh you've pissed me off PERSONALLY therefore I will rain fire upon you", like we have several instances of Valentino potentially sabotaging his business for kicks and Vox has had to reign him back in, and he still gives Angel actual fucking black eyes even when there's still filming, he doesn't even care about not leaving marks since everything will heal eventually

I feeeeeeeel like... it really depends on how his darling grovels to him and explains what is happening. You ditched him, you're out at a bar, you were ignoring his calls, and now you're telling him you're with another man. An abusive man would usually automatically assume "oh you're in a bar? Fucking slut trying to find other men, this is what you fucking get" but since we're having, you know. The Yandere Talk, I feeeeeel like.... it goes one of a few ways

One is he's absolutely pissed in general, at you, at the guy, just misfiring rage and snapping. You're bawling ti try and explain your situation and he snaps he can barely understand you because he can't regulate his anger and, it isn't INHERENTLY being mad at you, he's mad he can't understand you, but he's horrible at communicating that, so he shows up to rescue you and (unintentionally) has you trembling in fear of him because he's speaking to you like "where the fuck are you hurt?! Show me? Ugh, this bruise is huge, it's so fucking ugly, UGH-" and he's like not blaming you but is being so terrifying about it that, you're pretty convinced you'll be hit by him at any moment and maybe it would be you FLINCHING HARD at a sudden movement of his for him to, finally take a second to begrudgingly take a few deep breaths and his tone finally softens and he can stop freaking you out even more than you already are

Option 2 I see is that you answer the phone when he's in the 'love' of the love and the hate he switches between, so you catch him in the middle of one of his "baby you know I care so much about you, it just makes me a little wild when you leave me waiting" sort of voicemails. You finally pick up and you get this slightly catty "ohhhhh, look who it is,you remembered how to answer your phone! I missed you" and the second he can tell you're crying, you're just like, hearing all this stuff in the background and he sounds like he's been drinking but when is he ever NOT drinking "awwww, baby no, that's terrible! *heels clicking wayyy to fast for him to not be literally power walking his stiletto ass somewhere* I'm sure Daddy will be able to get everything sorted out *car door slams* and I'll show this lowlife fucking freak exactly what he deserves *moves the phone away from his mouth to HOLLER at his driver to 'get a fucking move on or I'll fucking kill you'* so don't you worry, ok baby? ❤️ make sure you stay on the phone with me, mhm? *click click click of him loading bullets into a magazine* so what's this motherfucker look like, he's uglier than me, right--"

And then I guess another unique outcome would be uh. You pick up the phone and he's just instantly shouting screaming fuming at you so much that he's like screaming for a few solid minutes before he's finally like "are you even gonna say anything you dumb whore?!" and that's when he finally hears your voice but it's not even your voice, it's your breathing, like you can barely even get any air out, like you're having a panic attack, you can barely even raise the volume of your voice above a whisper and your voice just keeps cracking and shaking, "v val" and like, the very first SYLLABLE out of your mouth he knows something is BIG WRONG because you sound TERRIFIED and you can barely even speak, "some-someone's outside the bathroom.... he says he'll hurt me... I don't know what to do....!" and like that's it. It takes Val from 100 to 0 real fast. He goes from "if you're not on your way home in five fucking minutes-" to "what did you just say" and he's completely quiet as you're like struggling to speak, "i-i'm in-in a stall, but he's... OUTSIDE.... WAITING..." and you just sob with a hand over your mouth but he can still hear it and he's already on his way

Do you think Val knows how to fight and I mean like BRAWL. Valentino's still on the phone with you and he can barely even hear you and he suddenly hears the man's voice, he's come INTO the bathroom now, he's OUTSIDE your stall, antagonizing you, scaring you, grabbing the top of the door and shaking it like it's nothing. You're SCREAMING because you're in A FUCKING STALL and he could either rip the hinges off or just like COME UNDER OR OVER and then you're done for so you're like TERRIFIED WAILING I mean shrieking like a murder victim because oh god oh god oh god you're gonna double die--- and you just hear the door to the bathroom get kicked open and the guy is just like RIPPED away from your stall and CHAOS follows. You hear all these thudding, smashing, crashing, breaking sounds and when you finally hear nothing but Val's voice telling you to come out he's just standing there covered in blood and the dude is on the floor with his face an unrecognizable SLUDGE because Val grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed his face into the edge of the sink until it was knocking teeth out of his mouth. Valentino is over here, reaching for you looking like that scene from The Witch of Mercury

Except unlike in Mercury you're like, only temporarily in stunned silence before you're like, RUSHING to be held by him because you're just scared and bawling and he SAVED YOU and you're so happy you didnt get hurt. Like the duality of him touching you to comfort you but probably getting blood on you maybe even ALL OVER YOU because he's just touching you that much and you're clinging to him that much

I feel like there are times where Val may intentionally NOT save you to use it as some sort of punishment/lesson to manipulate you with later but I feel like the ways in which he would knowingly allow his darling to be hurt are nuanced and contextual. He'd pay a guy to mug you and rough you up to teach you a lesson about leaving the studio on your own, or set up a fake kidnapping, but you come back into the studio ACTUALLY hurt? Stabbed, limping, whatever? He's furious. No one gets to hurt you. Everyone in this entire fucking circle of Hell should know who you belong to by this point and if they're hurting you, they're disrespecting HIM

..... and also you're his cute widdle baby and he doesn't want his boo getting hurt, at least not in a non fun non sexy way 🥺❤️ see sweetie, this is exactly why you should listen to him at all times and never argue with him on anything ❤️

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

one of my batfam hot takes is that alfred having a very kind and understanding grandfather-like role is a boring spin on the character and lacks a lot of nuance around his backstory.

like he is a classically trained british butler which means he very likely comes from a working class family. and like, as a working class brit myself, i sometimes find the kindly, well-mannered grandfather thing grating because, a lot of white, working class men his age are unfortunately not nice people. some of them are like my great grandad was a really great guy, but hes really the only one i know who is or was not awful.

because their generation werent as exactly raised with ideals about mental health and emotional regulation. a lot of them were traumatised due to ww2 either because they saw it firsthand when they were like 15, they were old enough to remember things like rationing and the blitz, and a lot of them lost their dads in the war.

i dont expect american writers to understand how much ww2 affected britain (modern britain is still so steeped in it, its insane) and that generation specifically, BUT id love to see that explored more with alfred. like depending on where he grew up, he would likely have been separated from his family during the blitz and sent off to the countryside like most of the kids in cities were, (this is how narnia starts) and like, a lot of them were horrifically abused or used as free labour. a lot of them also lost parents and never got to say goodbye to them. many came back to destroyed homes. some kids also remained in the city or their parents requested them back so theyd experience the blitz first hand and would know the sign of air raid siren meant they might die that night.

you can see how a lot of that generation were permanently scarred. and for a few decades now, alfred would have been part of that generation.

plus he was also a secret service officer which is just like more opportunities to be traumatised and more reason for him to not be this gentle old man whos in touch with his emotions.

and like, as a classically trained butler, he would likely be more reserved because you know, thats how he was trained. also british men that age would also likely be very hands off in regards to emotions.

but the biggest reason as to why the gentle, kind grandfather take doesnt really make sense is that he raised bruce wayne.

like bruce has a whole slew of emotional issues and problems, and obviously some of that is going to come from alfred raising him because you know, thats kinda how that works. i know a lot of batfam folks want bruce to be this great dad, so i guess their take on alfred fits that, but canonically, bruce wayne is an emotional mess and not the best father figure at the best of times.

you cannot look at that bruce wayne and tell me alfred did a good job.

listen, this shouldn't even be a hot take. it's just an opinion that differs from the most popular interpretation of Alfred as an endlessly giving grandmotherly old man.

the thing about Alfred is that more than anything you have to recognize that he's an enabler. and I love the man to pieces, but at absolute best he was extremely negligent in Bruce's upbringing, if not actively encouraging the world's worst coping mechanisms.

I hate to give Gotham credit for anything, especially when it comes to Alfred since I hate their Alfred, but the show was bang on in its insistence from day one that Alfred should not have been Bruce's primary guardian. it's painful to watch how often Alfred encourages Bruce to tough it out and suck it up, and it never really stops. in one of the latter seasons (four, I think) he hits Bruce hard enough to give him a black eye during an argument, and this is ultimately written as a situation in which Bruce needs to apologize to Alfred for being a bratty teenager, rather than Alfred owing Bruce an apology for hitting him when he's a grief-stricken teenage boy cracking under stress.

and like, listen, I understand there are Watsonian and Doylist layers to this. Alfred fundamentally can't have been a good enough guardian to stop Bruce from channeling his trauma into fursuit vigilantism, because then there's no story. I get it.

but jesus christ.

I don't think characterizations of Alfred as a stoic caregiver are wrong, but I do think people don't want to think about how he got there. when I see the aged Alfred patching up Bruce's wounds and nagging him to eat, or doing his best to offer advice to the kids who have gotten mixed up in Bruce's crusade, I see a man who realized a long time ago that he dropped the fucking ball and has dedicated his life to doing as much damage control as possible. okay, so, completely failed step one (raise a well-adjusted child). can we at least make sure that this basket case adult man doesn't go completely over the edge? can we make sure he doesn't become a killer? can we encourage him to take off the mask and be Bruce Wayne sometimes? can we keep the children safe?

I do think Alfred loves all of them, for whatever its worth. his care for Bruce is real, that is his son, the Batgirls and Robins are his extended family. he'll cook their uneaten meals and clean the entire, massive house himself and stitch them up every night forever. he would die for them. hell, he'd kill for them. he loves them. but none of that means he raised Bruce right.

that's kind of the thing I like most about the Bats: they all care so, so much. but the way they love is terrible.

[beanghostprincess]

the monster trio are various flavors of audhd (all strawhats are neurodivergent, but they the most)

luffy is high empathy, stimming, bluntness and audioprocessing disorder

zoro is hyperfocus, sleepy, good at maths and flat affect

sanji is infodumping, special interest (cooking), rigid rules (don't hurt women, don't use hands, etc) and difficulty with regulating emotions

Agree completely 🫶🏻 There is not a single neurotypical person in this crew !! That's why they love each other so much, they just get each other. In general, I think that the whole "misfits finding a found family" trope is incredibly neurodivergent coded but I think that specifically with the strawhats there is like, a fundamental obvious understanding that none of them are neurotypical. Like there is no way. I know it's meant to be very general for people who don't fit in to relate, but keeping in mind that most of the time the reason people don't fit in is because of living in a normative, neurotypical society... Idk. I just feel like the strawhats were all meant to be for neurodivergent people.

This being said !!!

AAAAAAAAAA I love the monster trio being neurodivergent. Mainly because I know it'd bother sooo many dudebros. And also because it makes so much sense and it's very very very real to me.

Luffy can't stop moving or doing stuff because it is painfully boring to be doing nothing, so he's always finding new things to do because short attention span and hyperactivity in a crew where everybody has their own stuff to do?? Not a good combo. So he's always seeing what he can do to not get bored. I think he's always touching Zoro's earrings absentmindedly like-- It's not even on purpose. He just does it. Also, being made of rubber has to be the best thing for stimming with your own body ngl. He's sooo direct and honest and blunt because he genuinely doesn't get why people don't think the same as him, but he doesn't have to get it to be emotionally attached and help you out because he makes other people's emotions his. Also add info-dumping right there because I know this guy is the biggest nerd about beetles and will talk to anybody who asks about them. They might be talking about something that has nothing in common with them and he brings them up anyway. Also! I adore the APD headcanon??? You're so right and it fits him SO well.

Zoro is my absolute beloved here because he has so much depth and feels and knows so much but people always characterize him as stoic and emotionless and like,, He just has a hard time showing it visually but he feels stuff deeply. He's always training and it almost feels like the world around him vanishes and he's always sooo eepy. Eepy boy. I get it. I think he almost finds it frustrating tbh like- We never talk about that but I think it's a bit bothersome for him sometimes? Also he's my favorite math genius and he might be shitty at directions but damn he's good at this. Also he likes things to be perfectly placed and everything to be in patterns of 3, thank you.

Sanji is the realest for me-- Don't ask him about the All Blue (please do) because he will start talking like crazy for hours and hours and hours with the brightest of smiles. If somebody wants to know about his cooking like, actually know what he's doing, he won't shut up. Somebody mentions any animal or vegetable or fruit and the guy is already telling you all the ways it can be cooked. He has a lil voice in his head telling him constantly what he should and shouldn't do btw and I also hc that he has to have everything in the right place or else he loses his mind completely. And that's tied to not being able to regulate emotions properly-- So he's constantly extremely anxious or feeling waves of sadness or just, extreme emotions in general.

[ace-race-ace]

Putting some of my wips out there to hopefully get more motivation to actually write them ~~

CHESTAPPEN - Youngest you’ll ever be

Magical realism - (flipped) age gap

Checo suddenly wakes up looking 10-15 years younger than the night before. Confused and disoriented he thinks for a moment he’d dreamt the last few years of his career. However he ends up running into Max and he realizes he just somehow got younger. Max immediately suspects some kind of curse so they go see a witch doctor for help. She reveals it isn’t a curse at all but a strange manifestation that only could have occurred from strong emotions.

All the while, Max is struggling with how cute he finds his teammate looking like this. Checo on the other hand is freaking out because he has a suspicion of why he’s manifested this…his long hidden feelings towards his (younger) teammate.

STROLLONSO- Home Hero

Partially already written

Pretty straightforward, Lance wins in Canada, Fernando wins in Spain, and they win Silverstone for the team (don’t know which of them yet) They get closer along the way ~~~

STROLLONSO - Cattitude (name may change)

Shapeshifting - very soft and sweet

Fernando goes to comfort Lance after a difficult race but when he gets to his driver’s room, all he finds is a black cat curled up on the couch. Confused, he tries to approach it but the cat is extremely wary, hissing and pawing at him. Fernando doesn’t back down and eventually is able to pet the cat. He coos sweet phrases to it until the cat curls into his side. Eventually he decides to try and find Lance. Once he does, he excitedly brings the younger driver to his room to meet the cat but it’s vanished. This happens a few more times, every time Lance is missing, the cat is there. When Lance returns, the cat is gone. Strange.

EDIT: NOW OFFICIALLY A FIC!!! ⬆️

SEB/MARK/FERNANDO - Pick and choose

ANGST, ANGST AND MORE ANGST.

Fernando has been flirting with Mark for a long time. The Aussie indulges him to a certain degree but doesn’t want to go too far with a coworker. Until Seb becomes his teammate and all of a sudden it doesn’t seem such a bad idea. Fernando gets jealous. Mark ends up getting caught in the middle of a petty, sassy competition between the two younger men for his attention. It’s just so hard to choose…so why not both?

LESTAPPEN - Scarlet

Ferrari!Max - friends to enemies to lovers - loosely tied to my Legacy AU

Red Bull gets banned for two years for breaking regulations. Max ends up skipping the 2025 season (maybe also 2026, haven’t decided yet) because of some lucrative contract clause with Red Bull. With the main competition gone, Ferrari steps up and Charles wins the Championship. Lewis on the other hand underperforms and shockingly gets kicked out. Charles has no idea who his teammate will be next season. Until Fred invites him to meet his new teammate, Max, who is finally returning to F1. They start off on pretty good terms, but at the season ramps up and becomes more competitive, they start to become rivals once again. Rivals who also happen to really want to fuck each other

And ofc my Strollonso Legacy AU I should actually work on…

Feel free to ask about any of these, it would help motivate me 🥲

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 5

Propaganda:

Ame -

"Typical autistic childhood – doesn't want to go to school, doesn't talk a lot, his plans for the future are just to go to live as a wolf in the forest… He's basically a werewolf and I think werewolves are often autistic coded. Actually his whole family is autistic coded."

Floyd -

"Has no emotional regulation skills and will make it everyone's problem. Prone to mood swings and can get angry at the drop of a hat, but can also be so goofy, silly, and lovely. Sways side to side for that good good stim, and loves to squeeze others (with violent intent and affectionate intent). Who doesn't love a good pressure stim? His interest in things can be fleeting, and his motivation to do things can change as quickly as his mood. Spontaneous and feral extraordinaire."

Hibiki -

"he is canonically diagnosed with hyperacusis <3 my fav sensory issues guy (he's so relatable). also canonically pulled a bad bitch (uta) by being autistic."

Akira -

"He has a heartbreaking relationship with road racing and the memory of his dead mother, and while he is a major antagonist, he is given a lot of interesting looks into his internal logics that I personally find relatable as an autistic person. I also like how he expresses himself in unpleasant ways, but isn't always treated with disgust, its kind of refreshing."

Sang Woo -

"literally the first results on google is "sangwoo semantic error autistic." he loves routine + is extremely distressed by change in routine (contrasts w his ADHD-coded bf). very blunt/cannot read social clues which leads to some misunderstandings throughout the manhwa. he's very relatable to me as an autistic person but also as a queer man, and it's refreshing to see autistic characters being open with their sexuality/sexual life bc we're often displayed as asexual robots incapable of love (bad for lots of reasons haha). he's super cute generally and really grew on me throughout the series. definitely the best part of semantic error."

Douglas -

"Many other characters try to read into what he does and says, looking for deeper or different meanings but it's always revealed that he means exactly what he says every single time and the butt of the jokes is always the other characters for being dramatic and presumptuous, not Doug for being autistic. Also he's the mean autistic representation we deserve."

Scott -

"look at him. failboy autism. even more so than any previous version!"

Shinra -

"he's just like me forreal."

Soi -

"I mean come on, it’s Purson. He thinks he’s really good at talking to people but most of his conversations (at least at the start) are completely one sided. He just blurts out whatever he’s thinking and completely dominates the conversation (if you can call it that). I love him so much for it, I have a really hard time figuring out when I should just stop talking and let someone else have a turn and only tend to realize after he fact that I didn’t really let anyone else get a word in and feel really bad. But the way Purson communicates is never shown to be a bad thing it’s a bit awkward at times but that just how he is and the rest of the misfit class live him for it. I think I could go on all day about how wonderfully inclusive Iruma-Kun is it’s such a good series, also in my brain Balam, Kalego, Clara and Opera are on the 4 outer points of an x-y graph that represents the autism spectrum. Everyone else fills the blanks in between. His bloodline magic is ‘detection warding’ and for the first several arcs of the manga the rest of the class didn’t even know he was there."

Makoto -

"In one sentence: Katai considers the titular Komi-san a communication master. Katai looks like a brutal thug, but he's actually extremely shy. Shy enough that after missing a couple weeks of class, it takes him months to build up the confidence to go to school. Katai tries to make friends once he does go to school, but he can't hold a conversation and doesn't realize that his mumbled half-sentences and resting bastard face make it look like he's threatening people. He's also pretty bad at reading the room, which is why he interprets Komi's behavior as a communication master trying to guide him from afar rather than a kindred spirit also struggling to hold a conversation."

[xzaddyzanakinx]

Part two thoughts on an ani x bpd reader? Like, when things get that bad, does either of them wake the fuck up and realize things need to change? Remorse or guilt? The reader leaving? Ani leaving or falling into a self loathing hole, doing bad stuff again and again whether to himself or reader) and not taking care of himself?

It’s interesting to read some of your takes on BPD relationships, because I obviously have no idea what that’s like, but you do. You can make it seem very addicting, but also very terrifying and unhealthy, depending on which way the pendulum swings (I hope you take that as a compliment. Tone is hard through text. Lol. 😅).

I personally do not believe abuse is justified in any situation, whether you have a disorder or not. There’s lots of ways to deal with feelings without taking it out on someone else. On the other hand, I know some BPD’s have described feeling horrified with themselves after an episode like that, and so I’ve never really known just how much ‘control’ someone has in that moment. Either way, I still believe it’s the person’s responsibility to find a way to deal with it. Nobody deserves to be miserable around them just because they can’t handle something.

Anyway, I kind of went off on a rant. Apologies. Lol. My main request was for a part two of Ani x BPD reader! ❤️🫶✨

Not offended at all bby.

I think after I’m done with stalker!ani I’ll write a fic on this. Just cause so many people have asked about it.

100% BPD X BPD would be a terrible pairing. Coming from me as a bpd gal.

Now, personally, I’ve never physically abused anyone during an episode. But I HAVE done lots of property damage and I also broke my hand when I used a concrete wall as a punching bag. I split a wooden bat at the tip from whacking a fence once.

When it gets that bad, I don’t really remember what I said or did. I just feel really jittery, almost like an extreme caffeine high you know? (Imagine old cartoon character drinking coffee and their whole body vibrates, eyeballs and all)

But if it doesn’t get to that point, which it rarely does now that I’m medicated correctly and have a good support system, I IMMEDIATELY feel regret. Like horrible sorrow. Bpd means big feelings and when I feel regret, which isn’t often, it feels like I’m grieving a death that I’m to blame for.

For the smaller, more snappy or short outbursts:

My mouth works faster than the logical part of my brain that tells me not to say something mean.

Sometimes I catch myself in the middle of saying something awful and then I just have to finish it because the damage is done and I may as well spit it out. Then I’ll lock myself in the bathroom for an hour until I’ve hyped myself up enough to apologize, then I’ll go back to the bathroom until the big feelings from my apology die down. I’ll be quiet, basically selectively mute for the rest of the day and be super irritable.

It’s exhausting. But it’s even more exhausting to have to continually remind myself not to spew the first thing that pops into my head or not to chuck the bag of shredded cheese at the wall because I can’t get the ziploc to open.

It’s so stupid that something so small as getting my hairbrush stuck on a knot in my hair could set me off into a teeth gritting, foot stomp and shriek. Like wtf? That’s embarrassing. But it happens before I can even think about what I’m doing.

The best way I can describe it is: I’m a bratty toddler when it comes to emotional regulation.

But you’re so right tho, your illness doesn’t give you an excuse to be an ass. It just proves the person doesn’t want to put in the work to get better if they use it as a justifying reason.

BPD might cause my reactions, but I’m in charge of my actual actions. Sometimes it takes a long time for them to recognize that though. I’m an adult now, I’m medicated, I’ve spent my fair share of days in the loony bin. Looking back at my teenage self? It’s horrific and sad. For me and everyone around me back then.

[purple-iris]

Reprising this post: After my viewing of The Wrath of Khan, The Search for Spock and my read of the novel The Pandora Principle, it has come to my attention that Saavik's characterization can in fact be interpreted as a mirror to different aspects of each of the members of the triumvirate, while still maintaining that she is her own unique, profound character.

Now, the essay. I said I'd do it if one person asked and four kind people did, so here it is! Its under the keep reading, because it's quite long!

To begin with the most obvious, Saavik and Spock. He is her mentor, teacher and father-figure in The Pandora Principle (TPP) and she spends the most time with him.

Firstly, the backstory we gain for Saavik in The Pandora Principle more clearly establishes her as half-Vulcan, which parallels Spock’s own half-vulcan heritage. She lives through the same struggle to fit in with her Vulcan peers, while also facing her with the impossibility of finding belonging elsewhere, because her other half is half-Romulan. She’s an outsider among her own people, and in TPP, we witness her quite overcompensating on her Vulcan emotional control while on the Enterprise and faced with returning feelings linked to her past.

Secondly, this also connects to her difficulty reconciling her feelings (and she feels a lot and deeply, much like Spock) and her logic (which she does embrace, but sometimes struggles with). To me, it parallels Spock’s journey through Kolinahr, the failure of which puzzles Saavik, since she perceives him as a perfect Vulcan, she has a hard time understanding how he could have failed. It's toward the climax of the story that they truly connect emotionally, and she realizes that combining feelings and logic is ultimately the way Spock chose, and is no less Vulcan for it.

Thirdly, we see Saavik, from a young age, as someone who is extremely curious, who loves to learn and discover as much as possible. She quickly takes a liking to Spock’s tricorder, which he traded with her knife on Hellguard to get her to leave the planet in the opening scenes of TPP. After the year on Dantria IV spent learning the Vulcan way and starting her education, it is implied that she lived on Vulcan and continued her education there, before joining Starfleet.

That brings me to the fourth point. Much like Spock, she has a hard time fitting in, and ultimately finds her place not on Vulcan, but with Starfleet. She might not have tried entering the VSA, but considering her abilities and mind, she most likely could have attended if she had wanted to. Within Starfleet, much like her mentor, Saavik has a tendency to quote regulations, which I also wanted to underline here.

Fifth point, and perhaps a less obvious one, but both Saavik and Spock have a deep capacity for understanding people, their motives and thoughts. While they both explain it/it's implied that they understand it as “well, logically, that’s how this person’s mind set worked.” It's mainly that they are both very empathic people, telepathy or not. In many instance in TOS Spock explains the behavior of a character, providing insight to Jim/the others and the audience with excellent insight, while Saavik, once she learns of Jim’s method of the Kobayashi Maru, reads him like an open book about his lack of experience with true, final loss in the line of duty (Because Jim has lost people, just not the way he lost Spock in TWOK)

To continue on that, while she can also be really insightful, she also shows a struggle to fully comprehend humans and their illogic, such as her confusion at Kirk’s joke in the turbolift in TWOK or at her fellow student’s proclivity for “fun” in TPP. This clearly parallels Spock’s own difficulties, which he empathizes with in their video calls in The Pandora Principle. Much like him, Saavik also desires to understand more, which stems from her natural curiosity, and is manifested by her enrolling in the Academy's baseball team.

Also, much like Spock with Sarek, Saavik is afraid of embarrassing or disappointing her mentor/father-figure once she goes to the Enterprise in TPP. She truly wants him to be proud of her, which is similar to Spock’s own behavior concerning his father’s expectations (except he is way less restrictive than Sarek and is so proud of Saavik anyway)

To finish, Saavik is also quite sassy, with special mention to her interactions with Bones in TPP, very stubborn (once again, read TPP you won't regret it (I have a PDF if anyone wants it)) and self-sacrificial. These last few traits I think can be explained by “being raised by Mr. S’chn T’gai Spock”.

Following up, Saavik and James T. Kirk. While we mostly see them interact in TWOK and briefly in TSFS, Saavik grew up hearing stories about this man (TOS fan in universe, ain't this crazy) and does resemble him more than I think even she knows.

To begin, both of them lived through absolutely traumatizing events in their childhood/youth, which deeply impacted their character. Saavik grew up on Hellguard, a Romulan colony in which she and the other children were abused, tortured and starved, in spite of the presence of replicators, then were abandoned on the desertic surface to fend for themselves, resulting in infighting, starvation, murders and deaths. This highly traumatic event, caused by authority figures and involving starvation is familiar to TOS fans, reflecting quite easily what Jim went through during his teenage years on Tarsus IV. Resulting from these events are many of Saavik’s and Jim’s survivalism techniques, trauma surrounding food (Ever noticed how Saavik is staring at Jim on Genesis planet when he mentions that food is first order of survival? I did.) as well as trauma, some mistrust and anger toward authoritarian figures and survivor’s guilt (or even just guilt regarding her actions in Saavik’s case, who implicitly had to kill and resort to violence to survive.)

After this massive paragraph, we can continue on happier comparisons. Saavik, just like Jim, is an exemplary Academy student. While she isn't called a “stack of books with legs”, it is implied that she is quite involved in her studies, while also taking some time to bonify her understanding of humanity on the side. Her insistence at understanding the test and what it was truly evaluating shows her devotion to her studies and even a perfectionism that Jim “youngest starfleet captain ever” must also have displayed at her age.

To continue, while much like Spock she chose Starfleet over the VSA, she doesn’t follow him in the science tract, but rather in the command tract, much like Jim. While in the Kobayashi Maru simulation, she shows a natural proclivity to it. She has a good command instinct, knows how to make decisions even in the face of highly stressful situations (even in simulation, we can see Spock's simulated-death shocked her), and yet she continues on, sends out orders, whips out strategy and asks for damage reports. Until the end, she keeps control and calm, even in the face of impossibility to win.

On that point, her questioning of the test, while it also could be read as her finding illogic that the test is unwinnable, also seem to me as a parallel to Jim, of not believing in No Win Scenarios. Even her presence on Genesis in TSFS, following her assignment to the USS Grissom, seems to me that in her grief, she still held some form of hope and desired to find a way. (And beside, she and Spock had promised that if one went lost, the other would find them in TPP)

To continue on, Saavik and Jim both have a sharp sense of right and wrong and justice, once more a consequence of their upbringing, but also a quality that serves them as commanding officers (and future commanding officers in Saavik’s case)

Also, both of them are exceptionally kind, and feel deeply, even if in Saavik’s case it’s not always as clear, her inner monologue in TPP truly shows that her emotions are strong. We see her anxious, happy, excited, afraid, apprehensive, angry, resentful, and many other emotions. She is also haunted by the events of her past and the emotions linked to it, in a way that mirror’s Jim in the episodes Obsession and The Conscience of the King.

To conclude, she too hate going to sickbay, as illustrated by her reluctance to be examined by McCoy even after her injuries upon the return to Hellguard in TPP, is also very stubborn (Thats a trend with the triumvirate) and I think I can liken her self-sacrificial tendency to Jim’s too.

(Little bonus similarity to AOS Jim, has what can be seen as a crush on Uhura the first time she sees her, she says: “But I have never seen anyone so aesthetically pleasing. I was unaware of that quality in humans. Oh.”)

Last but not least, Saavik and Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy. You might not expect it, but they do share similarity.

Firstly, I want to once again mention her emotions, and that Saavik, while Vulcan and mostly shown as aloof, can also have quite a temper, even more on Hellguard as a child and soon after leaving the planet. When she doesn't succeed at using a tricorder at first, she begins to yell at it, insults it and flings it around. That blatant show of anger and/or impulsivity can be likened to the grumpy doctor, who while he is an adult and much less exuberant in it, doesn't shy away from his anger. The way Saavik feels, and how we can truly see her mind in the narration of TPP truly likens her to the emotional McCoy, while she also attempts to balance it out by emulating Spock’s logic, and falls somewhere in between, much like Jim himself does in many episodes of TOS. (Oh wow, the premise of this essay is that she is like the three of them!)

Secondly, Saavik swears! If this isn’t parallel to McCoy I don’t know what is. In TWOK, we hear her say “Damn” on the bridge, but it doesn't end there. On Hellguard and afterwards, she quite often uses Sonabastard! as an expletive and as an insult. She also, once she has been told the story of Amok Time, calls T’Pring a bitch, quote here:

"She was a bitch!"

"That is, among other things, inaccurate. The term refers-"

"Oh, I know what it refers-and that's what she was! What she did was bad!" Saavik stopped in the lane and stamped her foot, temper brewing. "You say it is bad to hurt people, but she made people hurt each other! That is much badder! She was a bitch!" Spock didn't trust himself to comment; he came perilously close to agreeing with her.

That whole sequence illustrates a sense of justice she shares with both Jim and Bones, as well as an impulsive mouth and anger. But most importantly, it illustrates her kindness and empathy, a trait she also shares with McCoy, albeit once again often shrouded in grumpy care for the doctor and in righteous anger in Saavik.

To continue, she can also seem sassy, a trait I have also mentioned in relation to Spock, but can apply to Bones as well.

And to no one's surprise, I will once again mention stubbornness and self-sacrifice.

Well, this concludes my analysis, thank you for reading, don’t hesitate to add on or correct me in any case.

[leafteaposts]

More head canons ABO AU

Long text about my head canon/ world building on abo zosan fic I'm working on.

Anatomy, Heats, Ruts and some hot take on bitching.

Feel free to ask questions if any comes to mind~

Betas

Do not experience heats or ruts but they can go into pseudo heats and ruts to help their pack-mates regulate and balance pheromones.

They are masters at balancing group scents and neutralize pheromones in tense situations. Betas can thus manipulate an alpha or omega in a contesting group with smells that make them less inclined to attack and/or fight. Betas are praised for this ability and while a crew may exist without an alpha or omega, without a beta it is very hard to keep the balance in the group.

Usopp thinks about this a WHOLE lot. Not that he stresses about this or feels any pressure, no way! Didn't you know the great scenter Usopp not only scented a whole country on the brink of civil war he scented them so good and into such harmony and balance he was crowned their hero and offered their most beautiful princess to marry. He had to decline the offer of course as a brave and powerful warrior of the sea he needed to set sail.

No? Well now you know, you silly goose.

Ruts

Alpha men and women have a penis and can impregnate others, only female alphas can get impregnated as they also have a vagina and birth canal. However due to much higher hormone production they may find it harder to get pregnant than betas and omegas.

Alphas go into ruts typically each month. Normally a Rut is over in two to tree days, unless spent with a mate. If their partner are an omega in heat, then it normally adapts up to the omegas breeding need, normally about a week but can be longer or shorter. Ruts need not be sexual, some just feel a heightened need to scent their packs, increase of aggression or posturing that a beta (or old alpha) may help balance with pheromones. Often more needy and want to be seen and praised for their efforts of pleasing their pack. Some alphas sleep a lot after a rut due to they exhaust themself by helping their pack and or training, fighting etc.

Depending on their health they can "jump" in their rut cycle. For example if very sick and/or injured. But also if they are suffering from severe mental illness, their pheromones and nervous systemen may "jump" some ruts to preserve energy and or protect the alpha from losing control and starting an unnecessary fight. The other extreme that can happen is an increase of hormones and pheromones making the alpha go into an overdrive rut. Those ruts turns them very aggressive, they get territorial and challenge alphas and opponents that they normally never would due to obvious power disparity, but also gets a boost of adrenaline and endurance. Zoro may enter this state when fighting in in life or death fights like the one in Wano. (or most of his big fights tbh)

Alphas are normally well equipped and all have the tissue needed at the base of their penises to create a knot. Knotting during sex is a euphoric experience for alphas and the emotional and hormonal high they get from knotting and staying locked together with their partner is a need in an alpha, especially during ruts. They can therefore sometimes be accused of asking too much, too early in a sexual relationship as knotting may not be every partners cup of tea so to speak.

Omegas are better equipped to stand knotting due to their own high it may bring during sex as they are deeply affected by alpha pheromones. Alphas can mate and bond to whoever, but are instinctively submissive to omegas and their moods. This is probably to not hurt them during heat and/or their own rut. They may find it hard to deny an omegas request, especially if they are in the same pack.

They also show this more submissive behavior (showing their neck, grunts, chuffs, whining like big babies) when they want to be included in pack building/nest bonding but as omegas normally don't let alphas into their nests they may be excluded at times. When they do get allowed into a cuddle puddle or nest cuddle they are like happy dogs or lazy cats depending how they may be affected by this kind of closeness. (I like to think Zoro gets SO happy when included, but try to be stoic about it and not appear needy when the non alphas in the crew scent or cuddles in the nest or on the deck. Luffy is a special case as the pack can keenly feel his extreme need for closeness. That does not give him entrance tickets to nest bondings thou.) Alphas often feel a need to please omegas, even if they are not sexually attracted or bonded to them. Omegas are in the same boat toward alphas, they are more likely to fawn and preen in front of an alpha in pre rut to please and maintain balance in the pack. For omega/alpha partners this can be very exiting and thrilling.

Alphas are often doting on their packs and want to have an eye on them, and during rut this instinct can go into such overdrive they turn aggressive against people that are not part of their group. This often makes them isolate in a rut room (especially if they have a sexual rut) or in the enclosed territory their pack have scented so they may be around and be soothed by their pack. Other alphas in the pack may spar and play figth to help each other blow off some steam. If they experience a sexual rut and they do have a partner/mate that are willing to help them the rut may end quicker, But there are plenty of toys they may use. Knotting in a fleshlight may not be as good as the real deal, but it takes the edge off and helps them throu the rut more comfortably.

Most of the time an alphas rut is very stable once it passes their presentation/adolescent years. For rut jumping and overdrive it needs to be rather a serious illness, hormone issues and/or a traumatic event that deeply affect the alpha. Examples are sudden loss of their mate or child, losing their whole pack, bitching, serious traumatic injury or sickness, (Physical and or mental)

When in rut an alphas scent is stronger, sticks for longer and is much easier to smell from long distances if not using salves/scent muting aids. Zoro is especially bad at muting his scent as he have used it and his pheromones too aggressively dominate opponents in his start as a bounty hunter. The crew grow used to it but others may find him extra intimidating due to this.

Both Zoro and Luffy experience rut jumpings in the two year time skip when separated from their pack. Luffy who suffers from separation anxiety have actually quite a few problems with rut jumping. After marineford he did not have a rut for almost a whole year. Zoros rut beacome unregular, something he had never experienced before. Took him almost a year to center himself and getting control of his ruts again. This training did give him an strong control over himself when in rut and/or faced with others in rut/heat so not to be as affected by others pheromones and smell. Is the most stable in the straw hats for a reason. ( But is also an expression of his need for control especially after thriller bark and 2 year TS)

Heats

Both female and male omegas have a birth canal and vagina. Male omegas also have a penis and testicles, but are smaller than betas and alphas. Both can be impregnated, only male omegas may impregnate but may have lower chances to do so than betas and alphas.

One unusual and sometimes explotited thing with omega biology is that they can carry litters from more than one sire. If they have multiple partners during a heat (especially if there are alphas that keep triggering the heat to last and or restart) the children born may be from all of the partners. Some omegas also have double pregnancies. That is to say they get pregnant again during the pregnancy and may birth another pup about one to two months after the first litter is born. This takes a heavy toll on the omega but is one of the reasons omegas are sought after in sexual slavery or in cultures where a lot of heirs are a priority and they are more or less looked upon as breeding tools.

Omegas suffers from sexual slavery the most along with female mermaids and may be offered as prices and accessories to the wealthy and powerful. Alabasta and Water 7 are places that have long tried to stop this discrimination and are looked upon as safe havens in the grand line. Kamabakka kingdom is another, more secret place. Wano protects their omegas, but the sexist practices against women also affects omegas whether male or female. They are often considered even more in need of protecting and are not allowed to carry the sword. (We see traces of this in Zoro's upbringing.)

Omegas in heats are more vulnerable for attack due to how their bodies react during heats and this is one of the reasons they are looked (down) upon as in bigger need of protection in many countries as well as why they are discriminated against.

They experience heats every three months. When presenting during adolescence it tends to come and go in waves and they may have two heats in just one month, or one every month. Adolescence is typically a hard time for omegas and they need family/their pack to be balanced. The less secure environment, the more fluctuations until their heats stabilises in the typical three month cycle.

Most heats are familial and they spend it with their beta and/or omega pack mates. Normally a heat lasts for about a week, and is really intense three to four days. Depending on the person it may be the first, middle or the last day of the heat.

Symptoms of a heat is usually fever, cramps, overproduction of slick, oversensitivity to lots of fabrics, increased and more sensitive sense of smell. A higher sensitivity to obey timbre and scruffing, which is why most omegas want to isolate in their nests or dens with trusted ones during heats. The need to look after their pack increases and may manifest by scenting and cuddling. But may also express more controlling behaviors to keep an eye on everybody and keep them close. They feel a strong need to protect their space where their people are.

Omegas smell very good during heats and one of the reasons alphas avoid them unless they are mates, as they may trigger a rut and thus trigger the omega into a sexual heat.

A sexual heat is normally a sweaty affair and if unlucky lasts the whole week in a breeding frenzy. Most omegas find this very tiring and normally don't have the stamina to pleasure themself during a whole week. If exposed or triggered by Alphas they may go into a breeding heat/ frenzy, their need to mate/breed completely overtake and they go almost feral. This can be used agains omegas and why they may show a more aggressive attitude against alphas. While in a sexual heat and without a partner toys helps take the edge off and lower the need of sex. And stable pack mates may help stabilize their pheromone and hormone production back to a standard heat.

I like to think there are knot rings they use and/or dildos that are equipped with pheromones/hormones that simulate the experience of mating. When used this eases the omega out of the sexual heat so they can faster return to their pack. Knotting and getting breed helps the heat end faster unless the alpha can't control their phermones and kick-starts another heat.

Hot take? Omegas are the most territorial ones. Once they have a pack they are very aggressive about protecting it. Alphas help scent and secure the "borders" of their omegas territory. If there is no omega in a pack the alpha takes on the role to scent and maintain territory but is not as defensive about it (unless in rut) as an omega may be.

Sunny is an example of a territory, and the nesting space an omega create is off limits to the pack unless invited in. An alpha that gets to cuddle and get pampered in an omegas nest after an injury for example is very lucky as they are most often excluded from this space due to their smell. Luffy can sit and look at the nest in the doorway with the biggest puppy eyes and only get snarls and hisses from Sanji. He is the most territorial omega anybody ever will meet.

But, he also takes VERY good care of his pack. As he makes food even during heats (unless it is too intense and he is incapacitated.) he does have problems denying women of course even if they are alphas, but not even an alpha lady is allowed near his nest unless under special circumstances. His instincts can go haywire and he borders on feral when policing his space, and he feels extra protective about the galley when stressed.

Bitching.

Personally I don't really like the idea that one can turn another alpha into an omega by bitching. (I have been thinking too much about reproductive function and suddenly growing them because bitching just feels wrong for me, lol). In my au a bitched alpha is an alpha that have been through abuse and/or traumatic events. Examples can be rape, slavery, domestic abuse, loss of their whole pack when very young and left to fend for themself, aggressive and distressing force scentings from other alphas that show dominance and leave their scent on the other, etc.

The term bitching is thus a derogatory term and is locked down upon by many.

For one to be "bitched" an alpha have suffered this in such intense and long period of time their pheromone production is forever damaged and their nervous system can't regulate it at all. They may smell like pre puberty alphas and their pheromones always smell "broken" when released, especially when upset/when they feel strong emotions. Ruts are often irregular, the need to show aggression to protect themselfs often turns into fear and posturing. A bitching often happens when the alpha is young and defenseless growing up, but may also happen to adult alphas that been so badly traumatized they can never properly recover. This practise is often used to keep dominance in a pack by ruling with fear, or used in war/torture. Some pirate fleets (and marines) are not below this behavior and they terrifies the areas where they roam. Even betas and omegas can technically be "bitched" too but alphas are seemingly more sensitive to getting their phermone and hormone production disrupted/destroyed.

PHEW that was a lot. My spell/ grammar check is out of whack and english is not my first language, so if there are a lot of mistakes I'm really sorry, but really wanted to get this out today.

[stilljuststardust]

Tools for emotional regulation

This is specifically things I do for end of day decompression. I take an hour and I do different things off this list till I'm relaxed.

I understand that alot of these are "basic" but it's less about what you do and more so about taking time to care for yourself and ne present in your body in ways that feel safe.

I've broken this down in to categories of self soothing.

Environment

A calming environment is beneficial for obvious reasons so here's things I do to feel more safe in mine.

1. Turn off over head lights and uses LEDs, candles, or lamps instead

2. Noise cancelling headphones

3. Phone off

4. Christmas lights for some reason

5. Someplace to sit that isn't your bed (you can put pillows and blankets on the floor if need be)

6. I usually cleanse (witchy, may not be your thing)

7. Protection spells on your room specifically (witchy, may not be your thing)

8. Stuffies

Stimming

If you don't know what stimming is it's stimulating your senses as a form of self soothing. It's ok to move your body in "weird" ways, make odd sounds, or look for sensory experiences you find comforting. Nobody is watching, there's no one around to judge you release the feelings! I usually windmill my arms, rock back and forth, hum/sing, jump, etc. Anything you want.

It's actually really important to set aside time for stimming! You don't realize how important it is until you do it! It's scientifically proven to be harmful (particularly for autistic people) not to stim. It's really hard to unlearn suppressing it, so giving yourself a safe place to do so where you don't have to worry about what people think is important.

Sensory Seeking

Using tastes, textures, sounds, and visuals you like as a tool for self soothing is extremely powerful. This can look like so many things. I personally use perfume. I find certain scents incredibly calming and when I have them on I take deeper breaths because of them so it's a win win.

Other sensory examples:

1. use slime/clay

2. Touch fabrics you enjoy (like ultra soft blankets)

3. Listen to soothing sounds like music, rain, or ASMR

4. Drink a hot drink like tea or hot cocoa

5. Take a warm shower

6. Heating pads

7. Compression (weighted blankets/stuffies work great)

8. Stim boards

Clear mind

Sometimes you just need to get your feelings out. Having an outlet where you just express how you feel without worrying how it's perceived is important!

1. Journal (it's important to write like no one will read it cause they won't, unless someone will lol)

2. Sit outside or by a window

3. Write your doubts on toilet paper then fucking flush that shit to the sewers where it belongs.

4. Draw your feelings

5. Scribble non sensically

6. Scream into the void

Inner child time

It's time to kick internalized shame to the curb. What does your inner child want right now? If you were a kid again what would you do? It isn't wrong to do things you would've loved as a kid. It's important actually. What can you now do that you wish you could've done as a kid?

This one is incredibly individual cause I don't know what your inner child wants I'm just giving out ideas.

1. Play with slime, clay, kinetic sand, or play doh

2. Draw

3. Play with toys (have no shame)

4. Color

5. Legos

6. Read

7. Write a story

8. Make a "potion" (don't mix chemicals though)

9. Play with shaving cream I know you want to

10. Build a fort

11. Fluffy pajamas

12. Dance

13. Preform for stuffed animals

14. Barbie soap opera

15. Rewatch comfort shows

[lej222]

Seo Jisu Character Analysis (ASLFUA)

After the latest chapter of Unripe Apples (117), I felt like I had to write this post because of the immense hate this character received. I personally find him the most interesting part of the series because in order to understand his actions, you need to put all the pieces of the puzzle together that the author has given us from the very first chapter. I've seen posts about him being a "bully" or "an unserious funny guy" and I found these pretty bad interpretations of his place in the story as of now.

Let me explain. In my opinion, there's a high possibility that Jisu is on the autistic spectrum. Let's look at all the clues that can lead to this conclusion.

Physical appearance

Jisu has an "expressionless" face from his very first appearance. He also has his mouth open a lot of times, especially when he's supposed to emotionally react to a certain situation or he doesn't understand something. These are typical signs of people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). We can also see that even when he's feeling more extreme emotions, such as surprise, his facial expressions don't change significantly like in the case of other characters, the change is always slight. It's probably important, as all the other characters show a wider range of emotions with their faces, and we are talking about a manhwa where body language is clearly important (like how Miae or Cheol walk, for example, tells a lot about their characters).

Behavioral patterns and personality

Let's quickly get one thing out of the way - if Jisu is indeed on the spectrum, then saying that he's an unserious guy or immature or a bully is insensitive and a bad misinterpretation of his character. Autistic people are not immature, sometimes they even deal with stronger emotions than most people, but they have a hard time expressing these feelings. Just because they seem expressionless doesn't mean they are ignorant, it means that they see the world in a different way, which is not a problem. Miae doesn't need to make "a man out of him" and other weird takes I've seen in the last few days.

Having clarified this, let's look at some things that Jisu does in the story that could show us he might be neurodivergent.

-We see that Jisu is often sleeping and yawning in the story, even as a kid. For neurodivergent people, sighing and yawning are not only the signs of boredom/tiredness, but also tools for emotional regulation. Autistic fatigue is a real thing and it can be caused by many things like major life changes, sensory overload or even prolonged interactions at work or school. Some autistic people do not even notice that they are yawning until someone points it out to them. He also sometimes looks away while talking to Miae (like in ch117)

-Jisu is shown to have exceptional mental capabilities, it wouldn't be an overstatement to say he might be a genius. Many people on the autism spectrum have higher-than-average intelligence and Jisu clearly has exceptional capabilities if he could earn the first place in school without much effort. He also knows the names of all his previous classmates as shown in ch 117 so he seems to be good at memorizing factual information.

It connects to my previous point, but Jisu has his own unique way of perceiving the world and other people find it hard to understand. Even among his schoolmates, Jisu is famous for his "unique" personality, as Miae's friend points it out. Miae sometimes doesn't understand what Jisu wants to communicate and she ends up misinterpreting his intentions, the latest chapter was the biggest proof of this. Here's the thing, Jisu doesn't know that what he did annoyed Miae. He seems to have trouble understanding social clues and is genuinely surprised when Miae calls him a bully - because he never felt like he was bullying her. He always asks back when she's accusing him of something ("Me?" "Is that true?") because he cannot understand why she's saying those things about him. He isn't trying to be rude, he's simply confused, and Miae takes it the wrong way because she's an impulsive person. Jisu talks in a blunt way and his way of showing remorse is also strange to Miae, the best example is when he flipped over the plant just to prove that he wasn't bullying her.

-Jisu also seems to take things literally, like when Miae told him to stop yawning or when she told him she would twist his arms if he put them on her desk. Like many people with ASD, he seems to observe others and imitate their behavioral patterns, like when he imitated the way Miae was walking and she thought he was bullying her. He simply said that her way of walking was interesting. Talking about interesting, Jisu finds his coincidental meetings with Miae fun and interesting and it ties with the fact that neurodivergent people can have unique "fixations" including fixations on people. Jisu finds these occasions fun, but fails to read the social clues that Miae is bothered by it. While Jisu seems to avoid socialization at school and is mainly alone most times, it might seem strange that he has a fixation on Miae, but for autistic people this contradiction is not weird at all. She was also the person who helped him as a kid, so the theory that Jisu showed her how to count airplanes doesn't seem far-fetched knowing that it's indeed a pretty unique habit. In conclusion, Jisu was probably not even aware that he was being rude, because he just wanted to get close to Miae and found her fun. He even apologized in ch117 for not understanding her feelings.

So, extra thoughts quickly:

Jisu is not immature, he actually seems to have mature thoughts, but has trouble picking up social clues like how he should behave normally (that's why we see him doing all that ninja-stunt and hiding in the bush), and he cannot seem to realize that his direct approach to Miae seems excessive to other people. People on the spectrum are NOT immature, they won't magically change and they do not do a lot of things intentionally. Jisu seems to be pretty wise as well, he can see situations rationally like when Miae wanted to disrupt the faceless girl's confession (sorry, forgot the name)

So, what's his role in the story?

In my opinion, he's definitely the catalyst to Miae's growth as a person. Ch 115 even calls Miae out saying that Cheol has changed a lot, is it Miae's time to grow? Miae was Cheol's catalyst for sure, she brought him out of his shell, encouraged to make friends at school etc. But what about Miae? Sure, she has a few moments when she reflected on her actions when she was with Cheol, but she didn't mature significantly, whether people accept it or not she's still emotionally immature in many ways. It's not a coincidence in my opinion that the relationship between Jisu and Miae parallels the Cheol-Miae dynamic, in ch 117 Miae even used the same words and expression Cheol once told her ("Don't act like we're friends.") Let's just quickly look at some things where Miae's immaturity could be felt:

Miae is a messy person, doesn't clean her room and loses her stuff. She's forced to clean the school because Jisu didn't understand her frustrations, so SHE had to be the responsible one. Cheol always says that he will take responsibility for her, but Miae needs to be responsible on her own. Same goes to when she wanted to teach Jisu. Miae doesn't take her studies seriously, is often distracted, but she had to be responsible (even if it was not her choice and felt betrayed)

But most importantly, Miae thinks about Jisu's advice whether she hates him or not. Two good examples: when he called her out on her relationship with Cheol while they were cleaning; and when he stopped her from interrupting the confession. Deep down, Miae knows that Jisu was right, but she's too prideful to admit it. Jisu doesn't want Miae to be the "weird" girl probably because he was also bullied for being "weird."

Miae is also very impulsive, which is not necessarily a bad thing but she keeps hitting Jisu for the reason that he annoys her. But what if, she realizes, he indeed meant no harm, wouldn't she feel bad? We are shown that she used to hit kids who made fun of her, but as you grow up, violence is not the answer. You have to be level-headed in situations even when you feel angry. And understanding Jisu's intentions might be the first step to achieve that.

So, these are just my speculations, could be totally wrong as always, but I'm interested in what others think.

Edit:: it's not my purpose to diagnose these characters, but there are enough clues in the story to conclude that Jisu is indeed neurodivergent. Obviously, these traits are not strictly connected to ASD, this is just a theory, and I do not condone any hate on teenagers, even if they are fictional, so please refrain from doing so. Miae also shows signs of ADHD, but there's a possibility these things won't get addressed directly as the story takes place in the 90s.

Edit2:: I feel like the latest chapter on Naver(124) reinforced this theory again. Jisu was not simply angry, he was livid. Most people on the spectrum find it difficult to regulate their feelings, especially anger. It can lead to outbursts or even meltdowns, just think about how Jisu wanted to hit Cheol and how intense his reaction was compared to his usual behaviour. It definitely felt like an outburst. Also, have you guys seen how often he avoids eye contact since I first made this post?

(Btw, for those who say that Jisu's biggest problem was that he couldn't catch Miae - I feel like it had to do more with the fact that he almost smashed his head into the ground and was humiliated in front of everybody. We know that he was bullied as a kid so it's no surprise he felt intense anger, even his head kept hurting from the fall.)

[granulesofsand]

Poison - Hazbin Hotel

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA, death, substances

There are a few pieces of media that us trafficked alters like because it reflects us. Not how nonsurvivors think we should be, ugly healing and continued survival. And there are always people who don’t understand how this could happen to someone trying to press these characters into boxes they can easily grasp.

Not all of it has to be wrong, but even today I saw a swarm of fans talking about Angel Dust’s song ‘Poison’ as alluding to a romantic involvement with Valentino prior to his contract. They could well be right, and they could well not.

It’s a song from a multisensory media. That media is revealing, foreshadowing, and concealing especially hard during the musical numbers because of the format, so we’re probably not meant to understand the whole of it when it appears.

That said, it’s about trafficking. I relate heavily to that song because it centers a very classic manipulation. Abusers absolutely twist your reality to make it your fault, your choice, always what you did.

Shooting sexually exploitative material differs from plain porn, and the lack of regulation and safety can blur the line. Regardless of where Angel Dust crossed it, it’s SEM now. Hells, I don’t know if we use that term for adults, but sex trafficking damn certain is.

Someone, several someones, in that discussion said that Angel Dust having been attached to Valentino makes his situation more realistic. While the character is not real, his story is. It is not just his story when you turn to a group you otherwise ignore. It does not matter if you lived your own version of this story, you do not get to claim anyone else’s is unrealistic.

I don’t see where the prior relationship with Valentino becomes the assumption, or even relevant to Angel Dust’s abuse. Complicated relationships form easily within these dynamics, and romantic/platonic bonds to handlers are encouraged, if for no other reason than emotional immaturity of a perpetrator.

I love my handlers still. I was made for them in every sense of the word, and the tangled mess that is relational trauma felts. What you pull out will not be the same as what went in.

There is an art of dissociation specific to sexual exploitation that allows you to enjoy it simply because you have no other choice. That can be a poison, the comfort of being abused, and I do find the song to be more about the need to keep going through trauma with no end in sight.

Angel Dust is from a mob family. That is inherently organized abuse, and the whole of it is beyond labyrinthine. Probably it was labor trafficking too. It often involves terrorization, Trauma-Based Mind Control by way of extreme violence inflicted on and around a victim and then interpreted for them. We call it torture, and it is that and more.

You can’t undo that. Heal, if you are lucky and steadfast in your goals, but never undo. He never had a chance, and whatever went on between him and Valentino is not his fault. To say so would be to condemn every survivor who has fallen from what group to another, and this is the story of many. We are real.

Angel was an adult at his death, but his development was likely fucked by having grown up as he did. Peripheral as it may have been — which it does not seem to be — you don’t get a chance at nature if this is your nurture. You are utterly destroyed, dematerialized, to be built over for another’s benefit.

Survivors do not owe you anything. It was the job of the public to preemptively save us from these horrors, and even as we stand in the light you avert your gaze. People die from this — from suicide or overdose or resulting illness, but also from having been tortured to death.

Angel is a character who represents us. He is a survivor, not because he is alive but because he lived through the first time. He died young, as do most of us. He is unsightly and inappropriate and me. Poking at him feels like poking at me, because that is the closest I have ever seen to myself in media.