#and feel free to send me one too !!

[keferon]

*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*

Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.

You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah

I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender

…..I made the moodboard….

[ryllen]

Look what came through the mail today! The letters & ( •̀ω•́ )σ 3 little gremlins from letterstoear.

Just wanna say i adore the flower stickers on the letters too much, they are that much worth mentioning.

[poeteunoia]

"grief is just love with no place to go"

(jamie anderson)

"i this hope grief stays with me because it's all the unexpressed love that i never got to tell her..."

(andrew garfield)

Credits: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: Notes on Grief / C.S Lewis: A Grief Observed / Shannon Barry quote via @academia-aesthetics / Fleabag 2016 / Jamie Anderson quote / One Day 2024 / Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Half of a Yellow Sun / Little Women 2019 / Amanda Gorman,��Call Us What We Carry / WandaVision 2021 / Andrew Garfield quote / Ocean Vuong quote, source / Up 2009 / Lang Leav: September Love via @academia-aesthetics / "the grief is never ending but so is the love" monkey meme / commemorative bench plaque in Central Park, New York, photo:© Neva Micheva / Valarie Kaur, See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love / Glennon Doyle Leyton: Love warrior / Hotel Del Luna 2019 / Heidi Priebe: As Long As There Is Love, There Will Be Grief

[wrongcaitlyn]

hey guys! so. i really really really hate to do this, but i've been thinking it over for the past few weeks and i've decided that i'm going to take a short hiatus from tyt. and by SHORT i mean that i will 100% no doubt be returning to this on the first sunday of january (jan 5), and will only be taking november and december off!!

reasons for this are quite a lot, both for the benefit of the dear reader verse and my personal life! just to briefly summarize:

college app's. i really need to prioritize these, and though i'll definitely be finished by early november, it will be taking up a lot of my time

arcane. this seems like a silly reason, but i'm an editor as well as a fic writer, and i just know that the arcane s2 release will consume my brain. i want to allow myself to fully enjoy the season release and not stress about also writing a fic so that i can edit to my heart's content :)

both of those are happening in november, but in december i will be having finals and will leave for a trip for two weeks!! as we all know (*cough* my summer vacation) i am not the best at balancing both writing and vacation, and again, i don't want to stress myself out too much on what is meant to be a vacation

other fics! i still have two unfinished fics, and i'd like to finally get those done instead of having them lingering over my head for another five months lmao

but the main reason is for the overall quality of dear reader and its upcoming one-shots!!! a whole lot of stuff is about to go down in the upcoming chapters, including several one-shots that detail other parts of the universe. according to my outline, in the next five chapters of tgol, i will also be posting 4-5 one-shots in the dear reader series (yes, two of those include the pollen lore!). i want to be able to do those stories justice, and the one-shots do tend to take a longer time to write than the tgol chapters just because i'm usually writing from new pov's and outlining a whole lot of extra plot (especially in those pollen one-shots - they're going into a completely different time period and i want to be able to confidently say i've put enough time and effort into them to be proud of them! i've been hyping the pollen lore up for quite a while now and i want to do them justice!!)

so yes. that's quite a lengthy explanation lmao but i'm justifying it to myself as well because of how much i adore tgol and don't ever want to accidentally abandon it <3 rest assured that i will be using the two months to hopefully get ahead of my outline and ensure a concrete posting schedule when i return! but for now, i will obvi still be active on here (as well as insta and tiktok, if you guys are interested in arcane content) to answer asks and ramble about tyt!!!

[renirae]

someone requested I draw tiny!Tim! they said either adopted early or de-aged was fine, so I went with de-aged :)

(btw Jason is generally great with kids, he just doesn't really know what to do with this particular kid lol)

[wonderingsoftly]

Not Too Big

something i've been playing with that i like...wanted to populate the blog with a little quick, fluffy wg fic...just a boyfriend and girlfriend realizing they want him even bigger

no major warnings, just a lot of hugging and squeezing and admiring

---

Theo gorged desperately on the pizzas he bought, chewing loudly and grabbing wildly at the next piece.

He had to get bigger. His mind screamed that it was a matter of keeping his beloved girlfriend, Charlotte, by his side.

There was no indication that she was unhappy, in fact she and him seemed to enjoy every minute together.

But…she was gone on a business trip for the next two weeks. He achingly remembered the way she ran her hand through his short blond hair and placed a kiss on his lips. She promised she would be back before he knew it.

He constantly checked her social media, staring at her pictures of the two of them, then looking at her latest posts--where his thoughts became prickly and relentless.

It was that latest picture.

Her smile was big and cordial as she stood with a big, fat man. Bigger than Theo was, and he far outsized Charlotte.

He was her coworker, and he had met him before, exchanging pleasantries. Theo had never been offended by him or anything, but every picture he saw of Charlotte with the man made him wind up tighter and tighter.

And then he snapped.

Theo was not a small man by any means, quite muscular and bulky himself, and he knew Charlotte liked him that way. He knew she liked big men, which was part of why they started dating in the first place.

They got on like a house on fire, immediately falling in love with each other and sharing hobbies and interests. Charlotte was kind and sweet and fun and endlessly attractive with beautiful, black, wavy hair and near-black eyes, deep and easy to get lost in.

He considered himself incredibly lucky to have landed her, and sometimes that translated into a bit of a need to do whatever he could to make sure she was happy. This wild train of thought was his latest attempt at this.

Though on the other hand, Charlotte was much of the same. She loved watching Theo show off his gains from the gym and would cook delicious meals after a strenuous workout. She praised him often and comforted him when he needed it. She encouraged him to reach his goals. She could rarely be seen without her hands on his skin in some way or another, always trying to be in physical contact with him.

And he…he couldn't bear to lose that.

So he had to get bigger. To his mind, it would be a surefire way to keep Charlotte around. More of him for her to touch and grab.

He ate even more furiously, his stomach starting to protest against his jeans.

He would load and bulk up tonight, cutting the rest tomorrow at the gym. He’d put these calories to work and grow.

Though…a small part of his mind didn't mind if his belly pooched out or if his muscles were padded with a nice layer of fat. It would only make him look bigger, give him more leverage to lift heavier and heavier weights, and in turn make him even bigger.

He imagined Charlotte's eyes looking him all over as she returned to him, his arms and chest pumped and heavy.

Some might call this a dirty bulk, but…bulk was bulk to Theo at this moment in time. He was desperate to fight against his spiral, and the only solution that seemed to stop his brain was preparing calories and energy to change into gains.

He would sleep soundly once the pizza was gone, knowing he’d be big for Charlotte.

***

The day of Charlotte's return arrived, and Theo struggled to button the nice shirt he had bought a few months ago. His stomach firmly fought against the buttons with every closure he managed.

He exhaled long, trying to flatten his torso enough to close up the shirt. With some effort, he managed, but in the mirror it was evidently clear he was one sudden movement away from popping the buttons off.

Perhaps his dirty bulking worked too well.

Even his arms strained in the short sleeves, the lack of stretch emphasizing their size.

He heard the doorknob start to turn and he rushed out to the living room, the shirt’s buttons creaking slightly.

He got into place, eagerly watching as Charlotte walked in, her smile wide and relieved.

“Theo…” she said happily, like music to Theo’s ears.

He rushed to hug her, sighing happily as he felt her arms wrap around and squeeze his torso.

Where she belonged.

“You look good, Theo,” Charlotte murmured, rubbing his back.

Theo's stomach somersaulted at her touch and comment, and he felt vindicated. It had worked. She was happy.

“Thought I might…work hard to bulk up a little extra for when you got back,” he admitted. “It’s surprising how much I could do in two weeks.”

“Aw, for me?” Charlotte giggled, looking up at Theo. Her cheeks were flushed pink and she gave his side a squeeze.

“Always for you.”

They hugged close again, breathing slowly and happily.

All was well again. Or so Theo thought.

“I…wanted to talk to you…a little about this, actually,” Charlotte said reluctantly, patting his stomach and then rubbing his arm.

Theo's heart dropped, immediately thinking of the worst case scenario. Her return had been amazing, what could she mean?

“Nothing bad, really!” Charlotte gasped, sensing Theo's fear. “But I just…I mean, I was thinking about it while I was gone and how you know I like how big you are…”

Theo looked at Charlotte curiously, his fear starting to dissipate a bit. She was blushing dark now, looking at her hands as she wrung them together.

“I kept thinking of you the whole trip…and how I…I’ve been wondering just how big you want to get? And if maybe…I don't know, I’m sorry–”

“Do you like this? The muscle and…the little extra?” Theo asked quietly, gesturing at himself.

“I love the muscle, but Theo…seeing you stretching this shirt–you’ve only worn it once before, and it was almost a little loose.” Charlotte laughed nervously, pushing some hair behind her ear. “If your ‘little extra’ did that…I…”

Her pause sent a shiver through Theo.

She looked at him longingly. “I want so much more.”

Theo looked at Charlotte in shock. A slow smile crept across his lips, pulling her in a tight hug.

“I…got a little jealous seeing you in those pictures with…what's his name, the big guy… Paul?” He sighed.

Charlotte let out a sad little whine. “Oh, I’m so sorry, baby.”

“No, no, it's not your fault, but…I just…wanted to be the big guy you’re always next to. I…let myself get carried away in my thoughts and just wanted to be there in his place, so badly.”

Charlotte laughed, squeezing Theo’s middle.

Theo moaned out a sigh, relishing the way her arms wrapped around him. She could barely reach her arms all the way around him.

His thoughts wandered to future possibilities. What if her arms couldn't reach totally around him at all…? If there was so much of him she’d never get bored…to lay on him at night, comfortable and warm.

“So, so badly, Charlotte…” Theo moaned in a low voice, his thoughts putting him in a warm, longing haze.

She squeezed him again, rubbing her cheek on his chest, the fabric of his shirt pulled tight and smooth over him.

Charlotte pulled away, Theo placing his hands on her hips. She trailed her fingers up the straining buttons, picking at the little bunches of fabric where the shirt closed.

She smiled, tapping the top button with her finger, looking up at Theo.

Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were tantalizingly dark. Theo felt his own cheeks heat up as all of Charlotte's fingers now rested on the same button.

With a small pop, Charlotte skillfully pushed the button through the hole, and his shirt opened in slight relief.

He silently begged her to keep going.

Charlotte's fingers trailed down to the next button, doing the same. His shirt opened more and more eagerly with every undone button, revealing his soft skin.

She reached the final button, his pooching belly freed from the shirt.

Theo let out a sigh of relief, finally registering just how tight the shirt was.

She hummed appreciatively and ran her hands over his stomach, gently dragging her nails over his skin. She patted his stomach, making him jiggle slightly.

Theo chuckled, placing his hands on hers.

It seemed like he and Charlotte were on the same page.

“Would you…be okay with getting nice and big for me? Maybe…a little less gym time and a little more eating time with me?” She looked up at him with big, wide eyes.

Theo blushed, running his thumb over her cheek. “Something tells me you’ve given this some thought already.”

“Well…I had a lot of alone time at night. Missing you…and maybe sometimes I let my thoughts run away with me…”

“Let’s do it then. I'll make more time to eat whatever delicious stuff you cook up and then we can cuddle.”

“Um…” she started, her gaze falling nervously to his stomach.

Theo tilted his head curiously, wondering her next thought.

“I know I just unbuttoned you, but…I also…want to see you…” she paused, her voice trailing off.

“I want to see you pop the buttons off this shirt,” Charlotte quickly sputtered, her blush now reaching her ears.

Theo looked at her blankly for a moment, processing her request.

He began to belly laugh when it finally registered. He pulled her into another hug, feeling her wrap her arms around his torso under his shirt.

Her arms were cool and soothing and her cold hands sent goosebumps over his body.

“Let's make something to eat then. I'm probably only a few spoonfuls of something away from busting this shirt open, anyway.”

Charlotte responded with a low, pleased laugh, giving Theo another squeeze.

***

Theo looked at himself in the mirror hanging on their closet door, his sides actually outsizing the width of it. He bit his lip, shuffling a little uncomfortably as he placed his hands on his round, hanging belly.

He was big. Almost 450 pounds big. Bigger than he’d ever been. But it was as they had planned over two years ago. It was just…surprising to really observe himself.

He turned to the side, one hand still on the top of his belly and tracing his eyes along the sagging bottom line of his stomach. It hung almost completely over his waistline, making an apron over his hips. His pecs were now sagging breasts, connecting to his back rolls. His eyes came back up to his face, still framed by his short blond hair, but his cheeks round and full–his neck basically disappeared beneath his double chin.

Charlotte kept insisting that he was incredible. She praised his expanding waistline, all the while giving him third and fourth helpings of the decadent dinners she made almost every night.

“My arms too…” he said with a sigh, lifting and wobbling his massive, soft arms. What definition he once had was totally covered by fat. He gently squeezed his left arm with his other hand. Warm and wobbly…he gave it a gentle pat and made it shake.

“You can still move around! And really well!” he could hear Charlotte's sweet voice in his head, remembering when he asked about her thoughts on his weight so far after he had found he had outgrown his favorite shirt.

“You're in great shape,” he remembered her voice cooing as she gently rubbed her hands on his stomach, uncovered by the outgrown shirt. That would have been debated by almost anyone else, but from Charlotte's mouth, he treated it like gospel.

Oh, and he loved that feeling. Her cool hands on his always-warm skin. The way her dark eyes sparkled as she admired him, when he accepted the next serving of dinner she would offer him.

And she was right, he was still able to get around. While his walk had become a waddle, he still considered himself pretty strong, helping her around the apartment with the heavy lifting chores--under the couch, moving the tables, things like that. He would only rarely be out of breath, and he was as sweaty as he usually got when he used to regularly exert himself at the gym…

Though, admittedly Charlotte insisted he stay seated and just relax while she took care of him, especially after a big meal. She didn't want her enormous prize of a man to have to worry about what she called ‘little things.’

When he sat, he took up almost all of the couch, Charlotte often squeezing herself next to him and absently jiggling his rolls as they watched a movie or show and snacked. His huge legs spread to make room for his giant belly and he found himself resting his arms on it. He had to admit that he was making a good place to set bowls within reach to munch from.

He let out a short exhale as his legs were starting to tremble from the effort of standing in place and observing himself for so long, his breathing starting to become heavy. He waddled himself around a little, watching ripples shake his huge rolls and belly. It took a moment for the shaking to settle, and Theo took a deep, satisfied breath.

But…besides all that, the clothes were really the only problem, and he was often in the comfy sweats and roomy athletic wear she had bought for him.

He was happy to let her spoil him too. Rough days at work? Delicious food. Tons of snacks with movies. The belly rubs, the increased intimacy…

She had always been loving and sweet, but it seemed like lately she was always running her hands over him and having increasingly lingering hugs. He definitely noticed the times she gave his sides a long, jiggling squeeze, but…man, it felt so good.

She knew all the best places to grab and squish, and she knew how to make him feel like he waa a god. Her hands traveled over every roll and curve he developed, her eyes sparkled every time he stepped on the scale.

She's would lovingly rub his huge belly, gently slapping and wobbling him around. It felt so good, and he would moan happily as she played. And when they went to bed?

Theo smiled smugly at himself, thinking of how excited Charlotte got almost every night when she watched him wobble himself to bed and heavily land himself on the edge. The little pink and purple hickies all over his covered chest were evidence of such.

Everything he had been afraid of losing that one night Charlotte came home was nothing but a distant dream now. Charlotte was totally his and he was all hers.

And you know?

Maybe he actually wasn't that big. Sure, it was the biggest he had ever been, but his girlfriend loved him more than ever.

He grabbed his belly and gave it a shake up-and-down. It bounced and jiggled and he felt himself smile with surprising satisfaction.

And he couldn't deny he liked it too. He wasn't enormously big, but he liked being the biggest guy in the room now. The way everyone acknowledged when he entered, his girlfriend holding tight to his huge arm. Her affectionate belly pats when they talked to their friends. Doorways were smaller, seats struggled to contain him, and he eclipsed Charlotte with his huge body.

And it was fine. He wasn't too big. He could still walk, still go out with Charlotte–it would even be fine if he got a little bigger. She always found a way to help him fit through and into places. He wore his huge, fat body well and Charlotte loved it. What would a few more pounds be?

His sweet girlfriend would be back soon with bigger clothes and they could settle down for another nice meal. He was feeling especially hungry now too. Maybe she picked up a giant meal from his favorite barbecue place? He figured he would call her and put in a request if she had nothing else planned.

He smiled at himself in the mirror, his chubby face grinning back at him. He hefted his belly up again and let it drop, watching it jiggle.

“I’m not too big. I’ve still got room to grow,” he said to himself with a pleased smile.

[fernsnailz]

hi my power’s out and i can’t do work without it so. AMA time i guess i am very bored

reigen

[pjsk-headcanons]

I like to think that at some point, Mafuyu loved psychological horror. Was obsessed with it. Anything scary with a deep meaning about depression,bullying, or worse.

I'm projecting because I relate heavily to her and one thing about how I am is psychology, whether it be in horror media or not, attracts me, but always the darker aspects about psychology. So I like to think it'd be fitting for Mafuyu

-🫀 anon if it's not taken

‎

[lemongogo]

oo u want 2 draw soo bad..

[theswedishpajas]

Magma art dump of random gay Stanley things (Featuring me! Go figure!)

Anything that isn’t in some kind of blue or yellow is by one of my friends

[solarpawbs]

Who else joining me for cringetober 2024?? Cx

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 4 thoughts

woohoo!! it feels, again, like our separation has been so long, but it has been about… 3 whole days. oh, how i miss the earlier months in which i had time to post episode thoughts every day… 

this episode sounds interesting!!! no idea how someone’s thoughts could be captured on film, but we do a lot of disbelief suspension around these parts, with varying levels of success.

wait. hold on. i just saw the description for the episode after this one. what the hell is mulder getting himself into with that. do we need more mulder ex lore? i don’t need that. it doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

putting aside my many questions on that matter to focus on what is here in front of us.

(author’s note post-episode: …. woaghhh. scully…)

in all honesty, having processed my thoughts, i think this one was just a LITTLE bit too intense for me. which i recognize is okay, and to each their own. but i need to speak my Truth.

liveblogging commences below 

we begin with this sketchy looking dude, who is being rude as hell to a woman putting on lipstick before getting a passport photo taken. god forbid a woman want to serve… then he says to act natural while not acting natural himself. HYPOCRITE!

she goes in for a passport photo and…. she left her money in the car! she must return to this unfortunate man and go get it. but someone is following her…. 

he did something to her… and she gets back to the car to “billy”, but someone did something to him, too!! he appears to be dead and bleeding from the ear!! then she falls to the ground and tries to crawl to safety, but the mystery man in the yellow rain jacket comes back for her…. 

and the man in the photo store looks at the passport photos, but despite taking just a standard headshot, he sees the woman’s dying face in the images!!

oh. that is an unpleasant day on the job for such a nice seeming man.

this intro always makes me laugh... i’m sorrrrryyy the ufo pictures just remind me that this show is fundamentally unserious 

scully and mulder are rolling up to a town in michigan, while he asks her for any thoughts on the case. it appears this woman was abducted three days ago. and billy was punctured in the brain. yuck.

okay, so her name is mary. and this poor pharmacist…. he has to take people’s pictures, and give them drugs, AND deal with this nonsense 

they are at the pharmacy where the “druggist” (they keep using that term which i have never heard before) is showing them his camera, which he keeps under lock and key, and i notice he has some fun candy in the background. but i assume things are not fun at this time for him. 

scully wants to see the camera, and mulder takes a step back to let her pass. it kinda looks like he does that thing where he touches her back, but it’s hard to tell. and once again for all readers, that thing where men touch your back is only attractive when it’s mulder to scully and not between some randos!

scully notices something on the pharmacist’s foot, and also that the film is out of date. she is always noticing things. one of her many lovely qualities. 

mulder calls the pharmacist “bruno hauptman” and i don’t get that reference so i do what i do best: go to wikipedia. oh! bruno is the guy that was executed for kidnapping the lindbergh baby. i don’t know why i thought that mystery was unsolved. i guess it’s because the article is saying it was a heavily criticized and debated case. huh, a mystery for another time.

anyway, mulder is saying this all tauntingly with his stupid beautiful mulder smile, but scully is saying yeah, this nice old pharmacist doesn’t look like a usual suspect.

but she does point out that the film has heat damage, and a heater is right there… “so you think that would make it look like she posed screaming for a passport photo?” <- LMAO MAN LET HER FINISH

BAHAHA she is onto nothing 🔥🔥 

“plus, the film is two years out of date” “oh” the- the photographic chemistry could have changed” (mulder nodding) “uh-huh” “the- the dyes fade… they… alright, what’s your theory?” <- BAHAHA love that… you have to admit when you don’t know wtf is going on! i had full confidence she would pull something out of her science-y brain, but sometimes you just don’t know!

(this stupid scene had me giggling, as did her face of resignation)

mulder seems to ALSO have no idea wtf is going on, but as they discuss this, a police officer walks in and says they might have wasted the agents’ time…. what does that mean? did they figure it out that quick?

back at the house of the victims, they meet a postal inspector. okay!!! that’s fun and different. and i pause to write this down, and scully is SO beautiful, i actually might blow up. a full on explosion where once stood me is liable to go down. oh my gooooood.

okay: postal inspector is investigating a mail theft. mary had been working at the postal office, stealing people’s credit cards, and her boyfriend was signing them! oh! very illegal. inspector seems to think she faked her disappearance, but mulder points out that would not explain the stabbing of the boyfriend. also, they have this creepy ass broccoli magnet on their fridge which. bleugh. it did not spark joy.

mulder wants a camera from their house, and he finds one! did he just. take a picture of scully…? oh my god. he said “stand back, scully, it’s loaded” and took one… he didn’t even let her pose or anything… that's so cute... even if it's a little weird to use a dead person's camera from a crime scene... he wanted to take her picture

no, i am all wrong, for it appears he is just… taking random photos. because someone in the 60’s once claimed that he could concentrate really hard on undeveloped film and show his thoughts. uh. press f to doubt.

(man, i want to live in that very brief and exciting moment where i thought he was taking a cute little candid of her again… it was so blissful there)

wait. what da hell. he just clicked the camera a bunch of times and it comes up with the screaming mary photo again and again.

oh… he thinks that someone was stalking mary, and the stalker’s psychic energy altered the film by him coming in its proximity. i didn't realize that was how psychic powers worked but i am listening and learning

scully says that these images had to be doctored, which is, again, a reasonable conclusion, but he asks her to “what if” the situation and just think about it!!! just imagine!!!

cutscene to… someone crawling on the side of the road. it’s mary!!! she’s bleeding from her eyes (?) and not responding at all to the police car arriving behind her.

now she is in a stretcher at the hospital that our agents are helping to steer. they are kind like that. she had a “painkiller cocktail” in her system, but that wouldn’t account for her condition. scully orders a PET scan for her, a term i have never heard before. i love when she uses terms i have never heard before.

they’re putting mary in what looks like an MRI sort of thing to look at her brain. whatever it is, it is clearly very bad, as told by scully’s visible reaction and audible declaration of “oh my god”, while mulder looks at her and asks “what is it”? 

(and while i appreciate that this is a sensitive moment for our story, mulder not knowing wtf is going on with these medical things always is a favorite trope of mine, 1. because me too, and 2. he is usually such an insufferable know-it-all i love watching him admit when he knows nothing. humility!)

oh my god… “she has been given what’s called a transorbital lobotomy” <- oh that does NOT sound good… it used to be known as an ice pick lobotomy!!! oh my gosh i’ve heard of that one!! ice pick… eye sockets… i can feel myself growing faint…

but whoever did it, did it wrong… who would do a lobotomy without knowing how to do it the right way???

in the machine, mary is mumbling!! she is saying “unruhe” according to the closed captioning, but it just sounds like faint groaning to me. however, given that this phrase is the title of the episode, i venture to guess that it IS in fact relevant.

a policeman bursts in and says there has been a second abduction, and our agents look deeply sorrowful at this news, seeming to know what will happen next if they cannot crack the case.

oh! now we are seeing the new victim, and whoever took her is in fact saying “unruhe”, and other stuff in german! NO! he pulls out a pick…. fade to black. 

WHO in this small seeming town speaks german and has a psychic effect on cameras… ?? i hope this can be narrowed down to a slim pool of candidates!!

scully is going into the next crime scene, where mulder reports that a man has been murdered, and his secretary alice taken. this is not good.

mulder has been looking into what that word alice was mumbling means- first in a phone book, but then as a translation, i guess, because it means “trouble” in german.

WOAH, WHAT?

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she took german in college!!! and knows that the word is more accurately translated as “unrest”! 

(oh my gosh, i need to get back into compiling lore reveals at the end of each season like i did for s1…. good thing i take such detailed notes so i can go back and do them for s2 and s3)

((we didn’t get a ton in the last 2 seasons, so i thought of doing one post for both seasons- but the organization freak in me wants to do 1 per season, so i’ll go through them again and see what i can find when i get bored someday))

scully hands him a photo from the first crime scene, but mulder says the criminal wasn’t there, because if he was, he would have altered the photos. scully seems annoyed that he’s looking for psychic photos and not crime scene evidence, but he explains that whoever did this has to be very good, and photos may be their only lead since he doesn’t seem to know he is doing it. but then scully sees something and her eyes go SUPER wide… and she says she wants to show him something. 

oh! they find a construction company’s logo at both sites. so maybe the criminal worked at places under construction and was able to kidnap the women…? this theory is brought to you by scully.

he says she might be right, but he is going back to DC to get analysis on the photo. she still is skeptical, but he says that since the woman’s time is running out, that’s all the more reason to analyze the one piece of hard evidence they do have, and that he’ll be in touch. 

he must have really cared if he said he’ll be in touch, because usually he just runs off to god knows where to do god knows what. 

(and how much time would they even HAVE if he has to drive all the way back??? that isn’t a quick trip, is it???)

the same criminal dude from before is now saying stuff in german and taping alice’s mouth shut, while mulder is back in the photo lab sitting practically on top of this nerdy yet attractive fellow, asking for the blurriness in the image to be reduced. and it reveals very scary looking demon things! 

mulder sees someone in the back of the photo… and they get a more enhanced image on the face, but it isn’t clear to me who it is. i felt like i was supposed to know who it was, but luckily i wasn't!

scully is ordering people out to canvas and investigate the employees who may have been working at both construction sites. i like when she does that.

mulder and the lab guy figure out that there is a shadow in the background of the photo from the kidnapper. “he’s standing over her, he means to pass judgement on her, like a god” <- an unsettling thing to say, mr. spooky

scully rolls up to one of the construction sites and i’m thinking, oh please, do not get kidnapped, please please, it’s not something we need today. she’s yelling “hello” and no one is answering... but she hears something….. 

it’s a… guy on stilts? it’s the foreman named gerry. oh… could he have made the big shadow in the picture his stilts? but he doesn’t sound german…

mulder calls and says the kidnapper’s legs are unusual, either he’s very tall or he wants to be. stilts man?!?! is it you?!

instead of playing it chill upon hearing this news, she hangs up on mulder, and turns to gerry and says “unruhe”, pulling out her gun. but he uses his stilts to jump across the building! only to collapse and fall. his getaway is thwarted as scully tells him to stop or she’ll shoot, and to prove her seriousness, she does so. but i’m not buying he’s the guy!! sorry my queen!!

NO!! I WAS FOOLED, WASN’T I??? she reaches into his pocket and pricks her finger!!! NOOO! it’s a huge pick in there! like we saw before at the kidnapping!!

is she gonna be drugged from that….

(thankfully, the pick itself did not contain the drugs)

they’re interrogating the dude, and he denies everything. i mean, i guess a lot of people could have stilts and a pick at construction sites. maybe they didn't grab the right fellow.

he says that tool is used to start keyholes in the sheetrock and all fixtures. a good excuse…

but he really does seem confused. 

however, mulder brings up that gerry was arrested before, for attacking his father with an axe handle until he spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. OH! this is not promising.

gerry says that he was institutionalized, which mulder reveals was for a schizophrenic disorder. gerry claims that since his release, he had been taking care of his father 24/7, until he passed away in january. well i’m not entirely sure if that makes amends, but i guess it’s better than nothing?

“and how did you feel about that?” asks mulder about gerry's father's death, sounding very much like the psychology expert i sometimes forget that he is. then he reveals that the same year gerry attacked his father, gerry’s sister passed. connected….?

gerry is staring intently back at scully, saying that she looks troubled. oh! do not talk to her that way.

then mulder comes in with the enhanced photo from earlier, and asks if it shows gerry’s father. he seems taken aback, like it really is his father, and then further taken aback when he pulls out the full photo and asks if those demons figures are what he sees when he closes his eyes. this finally gets gerry to crack and say that he knows where alice is, and that she is safe, “from the howlers”. HUH? 

(is it bad my thoughts went straight to a howler monkey when he said that? i was thinking man, monkeys do not look like that at all. you and i have seen some different monkeys, gerry. but no, he does not refer to those types of howlers)

a ton of cop cars are arriving in the woods, to find alice, who is bleeding from the eyes, which can only mean one thing in this context. oh noooo. scully seems horrified and as if she is blaming herself 

oh, we get a very charged exchange here. she says it doesn’t matter what is in the photos, or if it shows gerry’s dreams or nightmares, because it’s over, and they couldn’t save alice. she starts the engine, and when i think she’s gonna drive off without mulder, he hops in. i bet that guilt that doctors feel when that cannot save a patient is even worse in her than in usual doctors, because she also has to deal with trying to rescue people from crime. :(

gerry is being taken in and photographed by the cops. but instead of a mugshot, when we see the picture, it’s the guy who was taking him in with a bullet hole in his head. oh! so that seems to confirm earlier suspicions on behalf of mulder. 

OH NO!! gerry reaches out and grabs the gun from the cop! NOOO! 

mulder points out that the image from that interaction showed the man shot in the head, but in reality, he was shot in his throat. so i guess it’s not based on reality as much as his intentions? sure, why not. and scully says there was a robbery at the pharmacy back where the very first photo was taken. no! our druggist friend!

gerry took all of the film in the store and a ton of drugs for more “twilight sleep”, which is a bad sign. i think i’ve seen this film before…

scully thinks that perhaps he was stalking his next victim at the construction site, and i’m thinking, girl i think he picked out his victim alright, but i don’t think she’s in the apartments.

mulder wants to wait a bit for his photo to come out. so he sends her to pull the car around and i’m screaming NO, NO, DON’T SEPARATE, NOT WITH A GUY ON THE LOOSE WHO LOOKED AT HER AND SAID “YOU LOOK TROUBLED” AFTER DOING 2 DIY LOBOTOMIES ON OTHER WOMEN AND KILLING 2 OTHER MEN! JUST WAIT A MINUTE AND WALK TO THE CAR TOGETHER!!!

but she cannot hear me….

NO! as she unlocks the car, a hand from beneath reaches out and pierces her foot with a needle NOOOO… and it’s gerry and she’s going down and NOOOOOO!!!!

AND MULDER PULLS THE PHOTO OUT TO FIND GERRY WAS THINKING OF SCULLY WHEN IT WAS TAKEN!

he is RUNNING after that car. despite his best efforts, even trackstar mulder is not as fast as a car, yet he follows her and screams her name regardless. until he realizes he will not win this race.

back at the police office, mulder is STARING at that photograph, the one showing scully being taken by these horrific creatures known as “the howlers”. he’s asking for any leads, including “does he have a summer house? a winter house?” which could be seen as desperation for answers or mulder being out of touch with how many people grew up with summer houses, take your pick.

OH! in gerry’s wallet was his father’s obituary. and his father was a dentist… and the name sounds german… 

so they go to his old dentist’s office, where they did an ad for the pain medicine cocktail he’s been cooking up. and mulder finds a footprint and a missing dentist’s chair. 

NO!! scully is in the dentist’s chair at some undisclosed location. waking up to find her arms and legs bound with a pick on the table and gerry in the distance. she’s watching him…. and she says to let her go. 

he begins his german ranting that has happened before the other lobotomies, and she… RESPONDS???? in clumsy german??? she says she has no unrest and doesn’t need saving, but he insists she does??? WHAT!!!

good on her for remembering some words after all those years :,)

he says everyone has some unrest, but especially her. she thinks she must remind him of his sister, and they talk about “the howlers”, who live inside your head, and make you say and do things you don’t mean.

so she turns the tables on this, and says maybe there are no such thing as howlers, and maybe he made them up to justify what his father did to his sister, which sets him off further. OH… so she thinks gerry attacking his father and his sister’s death were related. damn… that’s heavy

she tries to convince him that the “howlers” are just in HIS head, and no one else’s, as he approaches with a camera to try and prove they do exist. because cameras cannot lie!!

back at the dentist’s office, mulder appears to be losing it. mumbling about the 6 fingers the howler had in the photos, and yelling “WHY are there 6?” to no one in particular, as if he can find an answer through sheer willpower. one of the cops is asking him what to do while he looks at the obituary and counts five headstones…. and the father makes 6? sure, if that makes sense to you king!

they’re off to the graveyard while scully is still in a mystery location, with tears in her eyes as gerry shows her the photos he took. he takes the photos to mean he doesn’t have much time left, and tapes her mouth… and oh my gosh, i think of what would go down here if i knew she wasn’t gonna pull through… until gerry hears a tapping and MULDER IS LOOKING IN!! YES!!!

gerry is doing this in a camper van! by the graveyard!!! mulder is peeking in, sees a tooth keychain, and realizes she’s in there!!!! he’s yelling her name, and she’s yelling that she’s in here, while gerry tries to hold her down!!!

mulder’s BEATING on the window of the camper with his hands, and when that doesn’t work, he finds a giant metal pipe and SLAMS it into the window, goes in, and shoots gerry. this escalated quickly, but it was almost not quick enough.

mulder asks if she’s hurt, and neither of them say anything as she walks out, with mulder kneeling down to see that the last photos gerry had taken were of himself dead on the floor. it’s a terribly thick tension that reminds me of the ending to irresistible, but without the tension bursting like it did in that episode with her finally revealing her fear to him. i wish that she did it again this time. 

scully is doing the episode wrap up, sounding terribly solemn. she is reporting that gerry had written a diary intended as a letter for his father, including the list of the women he hoped to “save”. and her name is the last entry. she has no explanation for the photographs. but she empathized with him, which her survival depended upon.

“i see now the value of such insight. for truly to pursue monsters, we must understand them. we must venture into their minds. only in doing so, do we risk letting them venture into ours?” (said while there are tears in her eyes, as she looks at the photograph of her being pulled by the howlers)

WHAT THE HELL.

okay, so chris carter… you and i need to have some words. 

i have a lot of thoughts. perhaps number one: what if mulder had been 5 minutes later… can you imagine him never being able to cope with that….? oh my gosh. oh my gosh. no, i shan’t imagine. but i’m sure they both were imagining it. and that is probably why she couldn’t say anything as she walked out of the camper van. it was too horrific.

second. this was a dark one. i was giggling at first and then it got really dark. lobotomies… are a hard subject.

third. when the writers make the bad guy have a mental illness, i do feel it to be insulting, because we don’t often get a character where a guy with schizophrenia is just a guy doing normal things like working at the store or going to get his oil changed. no, he’s gotta be up to something nefarious. i wish that wasn’t the case and that these episodes didn’t use mental illness in that way, and i understand that things were kind of Like That in the 90’s and arguably still are in media, but it has been observed with distaste. 

okay, final thoughts? like i’ve said before, i believe in gender equality when it comes to kidnapping and rescuing, and i hope that will be evened out at some point. i understand that gerry had a fixation on women for his own personal reasons, but that’s the doyleist vs watsonian debate thing. and i want a 1:1 ratio on who goes about saving the day. although the ratio was uneven in s2, i’m not recalling the ratio from s3, and we’re 4 episodes into s4 with a 1:1 ratio. so i hope that overall, the entire series ratio evens out eventually. damsel in distress is gender neutral

i was actually really invested in this episode, probably because it let us look into scully deeper, and also because the stakes were high, the pacing fast, and the horror a new kind rather than a standard serial killer we get in a lot of episodes. 

but… while i appreciate that, i’m not sure i can say i enjoyed it, you know? because even a “scully speaks german” lore reveal cannot save me from the feeling of… something adjacent to fear? not horror as in “ahhh i’m so scared” but maybe a sort of horror as in “stop putting her into these fuckass situations, let my girl have a day off” and also a bit of terrible grief in knowing that lobotomies were a very real thing and did untold harm. and to be clear, i’m not saying that fact shouldn’t be explored and discussed, i just think that for me it seems to provoke some intense feelings that make me want some fluff. now. 

deliver it. to my door. as we speak. in fact, here is an incomplete list of things i want to read our agents doing in fanfiction form:

apple picking and apple cider sipping, hiking and sharing weird facts they know about the things they encounter (scully will be all “this type of spider has a unique silk production gland” and he’ll be all “this type of wildflower is used to induce hallucinogenic states” while they look at a pretty view), ice skating (can they ice skate? need to explore that), getting ice cream cones, a visit to the beach, decorating for various holidays, a very serious game night- perhaps uno or some sort of trivia where it turns into a real nerd-off, arguing over unsolved mysteries, more implications of them starting a family together if you feel bold and brave, even, but for those who like it more reserved we can just have an aquarium date, watching a meteor shower, scully attempting to understand his fascination with the various sports of the world by tagging along on an anthropological expedition to a knicks game with him, baking, movie theater trip, etc

well! i have gotten myself so enthused at the idea of them doing silly stuff like handing out halloween candy that i have forgotten all about my initial feelings, which shall surely resurface soon when i go through and edit my notes, but you’re gonna sit there and tell me you don’t want to play dolls in your head of them getting hot chocolate together? 

canon? what is canon? c’mere, kid. let’s daydream about them eloping without ever having the “what are we” conversation and ignore the suffering 

[thedoodlebuggo]

someone needs to sedate me. im currently shuffling around fourteen malevolent animatic ideas on top of the currently ongoing one and a possible comic (series, question mark?)

[desertduality]

i took a little break from Ad Astra but I'm trying to get back into it and I'm excited so!! I want some input akdjks according to the lore i've made up for my own story, wings in the watcher realm appear different that wings that players would have in an actual world.

So I've been trying to think of what wings I should give Scar when he's in the Watcher realm; i wanted something flashy and like. celestial feeling? to go with the slight star theme the fics got going on. My first option was common starling wings but i have too many options that i like now and I want help so ajskdkj please let me know which one of these you'd like to see the most in the fic!!

(examples under the cut)

click to see full images :]

Wallcreeper ^

Common Starling ^

Magpie ^

Violet backed starling ^

[marsuro]

Hey i have a little question about your Tiger Zoro Au but first I just have to say I absolutely love this idea your giving me so much serotonin right now!!!

My question is that pre time skip was Zoro a skinny and long tiger? Then in post time skip he looks like those tigers that has hella muscles? How would the crew react to muscular Tiger Zoro?  Also (if it’s not to much to ask) how would each of the crew members react to Zoro changing into a Tiger the first time around?

Sorry if this is to many questions i just absolutely love this AU and I kinda wanna see more and your art for this is amazing!!!

Sorry for the wait! Thanks so much, that’s so great to hear!! 😭🙏 I'm more than happy to oblige, and no worries, there’s never too much questions about tiger!Zoro, you guys give me so many more fun ideas than I could ever come up with myself. So keep it coming, actually!!

Now for the post timeskip look, I’ve actually got two ideas. The first is the mentioned monster muscled ripped-as-fuck tiger, which is hilarious on it’s own already:

(Not pictured: poor Franky having an aneurysm over the scratch marks on deck everywhere)

Maybe I'll make a seperate post on each of the Strawhats reaction to seeing Zoro change for the first time! For now though, Luffy of course thinks everything about it is awesome. He will not shut up about it and asks Zoro if he can do the most ridiculous things in tiger form, which Zoro sees as fun challenges. (If anyone's got any other crazy ideas Luffy might ask of him let me know haha)

The other post timeskip look idea is that he just. Grows bigger. In actual size. He just becomes a Huge tiger. This makes no sense but who cares (it’s One Piece after all) and Chopper is able to grow a few sizes in seconds, so I think he should be allowed a few extra meters. If only because it’s cool as hell.

Size difference would be something like this:

The only thing is though, his tiger form grows in size everytime he grows in strength, so potentially there's nothing stopping him from growing 'till fucking Enormous

[einsatzzz]

Kana is so gorgeous, she’s the most beautiful I’ve seen

ANON!!! HAWAWAWAWA 🥹🥹💜💜✨✨ Thank you for loving the blorbo!!! It really made my day when I received this ask.

I've been filling up charts to cope the past few days. For you, have this Kana blorbo bleebus sheet as bonus! Imagine me handing this to you as a flyer!

Here's the link to the original/blank template, if you wanna fill it up too!

Ramblings, because I like ramblings:

Not me putting a pic here of Kana staring dead straight into your soul when Anon just complimented her for being gorgeous/beautiful 🤣😭🤣😭 (this counts as gorgeous to me too 😎)

In my POV, Kana and Kurumi both being Gender: ?, makes their ship-y interactions all fruity in my eyes. If any character, regardless of gender, gets a crush on them, then they're automatically not straight anymore. I also use my brother as some QC/litmus test, if I show him a HibaKana art and he immediately says its fruity or zesty, then I know I did a good job (iirc, HibaKana ship is BL to him).

Frequently violent? - Don't get me wrong, she has a lot of self-control now. But like...it's somehow still hard to determine for me in an overall scope...It depends...🧍 *war flashbacks*

No friends? - Pre-main story, if we don't count the ones she has within Oniyanagi family, then no. She WILL have new friends, in the future. 😃

Hated by all | Beloved by all - In-universe, I can imagine the scale leaning towards hated by all considering she's an assassin (=speedrun to accumulating grudges) sdhvfhgsvfg But no worries, she doesn't really give a fuck if people who don't matter to her hate her.

Sadistic for Fun | Helps others for fun - "For fun" here means on a whim - just because. It can be hard to tell apart when she's doing something for no reason or if it's something very calculated. It makes me want to dissect and study her brain more.

Evokes - "Symptoms of projection" is me projecting my love for her onto Rosa and Kurumi. It's rare, but onto Hibari and some other characters who are fond of her too.