#and feel free to leave your own thoughts on it too

[st7rnioioss]

BUNNY!READER x SHY!MATT

˚𝜗𝜚 warnings... smut, fingering, pet names (baby, bun, pretty thing), kissing

it had only been a suggestion.. not anything matt was sure he’d bring to reality. the thought alone made him shudder, bringing a pink tint to his cheeks and stumbling over his words.

you were laid over matt’s lap between his legs, hips digging into his thigh while resting your elbows on the mattress beneath you. nervously, you looked over your shoulder, letting your hair drape over your back.

“are- are you sure?” your tone was uncertain, but you knew you wanted it. you just weren’t sure if matt could bring himself to do it, already blushing from just the recreation of the position he had in mind.

he sat there, on the edge of the bed, his trembling but soft hands caressing your inner thighs he had gently spread apart.

“yeah- yes. im sure, please just- let me try?” he looked back at you, eyes wide and pleading, stilling his movement for a moment. you took your bottom lip between your teeth, giving him a hesitant but firm nod.

“okay then. go ahead..” he almost cheered, offering you a soft smile, giving your thighs a gentle squeeze. “i’ll make it worth it, i-i promise,”

slowly, his hands pushed your skirt up your hips, out of the way, his breath hitching in his throat by just the look of your pretty panties, nearly freezing—but with an exhale, he hooked his fingers under the elastic waistband of the soft fabric, bringing it down your thighs.

you squirmed under his touch, feeling yourself grow more needy with his deliberate effort. heat rose to matt’s face and neck, carefully running his thumb across your glistening folds, making you choke on a breath. “fuck..” you whispered, managing to wiggle your thighs further apart to silently tell him to keep going.

matt’s heart was thumping at the sight, watching your soaked pussy and the way his thumb got all sticky. “you’re- you’re so.. wet..” oh, you could just kiss him silly, nearly too afraid to say the words as he panted while running his thumb over your bud.

carefully, he started to leisurely rub circles on your clit, making your jaw fall slack, and though he couldn’t see your face, he could tell by the way you clenched around nothing that you liked it just as much as him. maybe this whole thing wasn’t a terrible idea at all.

“pretty thing..” he spoke weakly, the pet name making your mind reel, nails digging into the sheets of your bed. his free hand was gently groping the soft skin of your thighs, running across to gently dig his fingers into your plush ass.

“m-matt.. keep going, please..” your pretty pleading only fueled his desire to continue, reluctantly withdrawing his thumb from your clit, replacing it with his index finger to run through your wet entrance.

cautiously, he eased his finger inside of your soppy pussy, his eyes stuck to the sight of his digit disappearing inside of you. “holy shit..” he mumbled, bringing it back out, just to plunge back inside of you.

quiet moans fell from your lips, eyes fluttering shut when he curled his finger up inside of your walls. when he then eased another finger inside your hole, a pathetic whimper slipped from your mouth.

”shiiittt.. you take them so well..” his voice sounded, picking up the pace of his movements, listening to the soft squelching his index and middle finger elicited from your pussy. his head was spinning, eyes still stuck to the sight of his fingers disappearing so easily into you.

“fuck! matt- keep going.. please..” his eyes finally moved from your cunt to the image of your hands balling the sheets into a fist, a sense of pride swirling through his body. gosh, if he could do this every day, every hour, every minute, he would. “you’re so, so gorgeous,” he cooed, only making the pool of heat in your tummy bigger, clenching around his fingers. you’d never ever guessed your own, let alone anyone else’s fingers could reach this far, leaving you a rambling mess, his name being the only thing you remembered in the moment.

he felt the way you squeezed around him, his free hand snaking its way to your pussy. delicately, his thumb continued its previous circles on your bud, making your hips pathetically buck into his thigh, along with a needy moan. he intently watched his fingers, all slick from his ministrations inside of you, your dripping hole coating them in the sticky substance.

“oh- oh.. that feel s’good..” you whined with a moan, grasping for the sheets when he continued to curl his fingers inside of you, your sweet moans nearly harmonizing with the lewd, wet noises from your pussy.

“are y’gonna cum? i can feel you squeeze around me..” he whispered, his thumb still circling your clit, but now at a faster pace. hair stuck to your sticky, glossed lips, where dirty and pornographic moans slipped from. “please,” you rasped, eyes pinched shut and nails digging into the mattress as you came over his digits, wailing on a moan.

“fuuuck, fuck.. you’re- you’re so pretty like this bun, holy fuck..” matt was just as much of a mess as you, his fingers slowing down but not stilling, enjoying the way you only coated his fingers more, glistening and wet.

“matt, no- no more, please..” by now you were a blabbering mess, wiggling your hips in a poor attempt to stop him from continuing.

reluctantly, he slowly withdrew his fingers from your soaked hole, watching the slick that stuck to his fingers. the sight alone made his face turn pink once again. you managed to get onto your palms, looking over your shoulder to shoot a soft and dazed smile matt’s way, your cheeks just as pink as his.

he reciprocated it, but nervously avoided your gaze. “i’ll uh, i’ll help you..” his soft voice sounded, smoothly pulling your panties back up your thighs, giving your ass a gentle pat making you giggle shyly, awkwardly turning around to leave a sloppy kiss to his lips.

𝜗𝜚˚࿔ notes: sighhhh... me whenn??? i apologize if this sucks asssss, i've been so sick for the past few days and literally couldn't think when i wrote this lol. anyway, i hope those of u who celebrate christmas had an awesome day<3 ilysm!!

more bunny!reader x shy!matt here!

۶ৎ taglist: @jetaimevous @missmimii @mattscoquette @pearlzier @witchofthehour @elizasturn @loveparqdise @delilahsturniolo @phone4pills @sturnsmia @hearts4werka @cayleeuhithinknott @strnilolover @sturnvxz @lovergirl4gracieabrams @ifwdominicfike @toftomgmf @emely9274 @sturnioloangell @blushsturns @forgottxen @slut4chris888 @marrykisskilled @sophand4n4 @sturnihoelooo @urmomlovesme12

© ST7RNIOIOSS est. 2023

[karaeilishh]

reader getting rlly horny when g!p billie is walking around in like some loose shorts and like she can see a dick print

a/n — okay, ik you all waited for it

𝜗𝜚 stress b. eilish. . .

your mouth almost watered, when billie finally came home from filming the interview, tired and a little angry. it was so weird because she didn't say a word to you, just walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch to turn on some show on tv. her shirt had ridden up a bit as she got more comfortable, and now you could clearly see the outline of her cock through her jeans.

it was too hard to look away when that bulge was literally beckoning you to come over to her and relieve all her stress. you bite your lip and slowly walk up to billie. as soon as she notices you, her gaze drops to your cleavage, then slides down your entire body. cheeky.

"rough day, baby?" in one step you are next to her, straddling her hips. you could see her cock getting harder after that. billie swallows hard, feeling like all the words are choked in her throat. you smile, accepting her reaction. your hands go to her belt, unbuckling it slowly as your gaze never leaves hers for a moment. "tell me what upset you today, my love.."

you finally free her cock from the grip of her baggy jeans, pushing them down to her ankles. your hand goes to her clothed length, stroking it softly, feeling her wetness beneath your fingertips. she throws her head back against the couch, sighing through clenched teeth. "i won't continue until you tell me."

you feel the indignation in every movement of her body and the sounds she makes. her hand grabs yours, forcing you to wrap your fingers around the thick cock, already pulsing beneath your grip. you squeeze it slowly, pressing your thumb against the head, making her tremble.

"this.. this girl. she was so disrespectful.." she tries to gather her thoughts, tries to explain why she would let herself come home and not even kiss her girlfriend, but it becomes impossible as you push the fabric of her boxers down, now feeling every vein under your hand. "baby.."

"keep talking" you lean down, wrapping your lips around her head, running your tongue down the length a few times, causing her hand to fall to your hair, trying to push you deeper onto her cock. you pull away, kissing her palm, eliciting the most pathetic whimpers from her lips. "is it really that hard?"

she moans, grabbing your hips, pushing you closer to her cock. her eyes are pleading as she looks at you. "fuck me, angel. i need you so badly." her whispers leave you with no choice but to get rid of your shorts and panties, lowering yourself onto her cock at an agonizingly slow speed.

it was at this point that the game was in her hands.

"i told you to go faster" her grip on your hair became painful as you bounced on her cock with a speed that almost made your legs go numb. your moans mixed together, the sounds of your bodies slapping against each other filled the room.

"i—i can't go faster.." you bury your face in her neck, your tongue drawing strange patterns on her pale skin. she almost growls, one hand grabbing your waist and holding you in place as she begins to raise her hips at an animalistic pace on her own, destroying you both with pleasure. "i wanna see your face while i fuck you"

her hand on your neck, forcing you to look into her lust-filled eyes as her cock filled your pussy so perfectly, like it was made for her.

"fuck, baby.." her dominance ended where the approaching orgasm began. the thrusts became messy and sloppy, her mouth parted, gulping air, eyes rolling back into the back of her head. a divine sight. "please, please, can i—please, i need to cum inside"

your hand falls to her face, your thumb wiping a few drops of sweat from her forehead.

"kiss me"

tags - @chrissv4mp, @hkkuugu, @sweet3nerrr, @krosep, @stonerfromlesbos, @loveyoumatthewbernard, @47lake @ohdoyoustillcry, @bilsdillldough, @n0vabug, @bxllxeb, @hopingforgoodblogs, @mybluebossanova

[sturnioloszn]

BY THE FIREPLACE - M.S

summary; you've always wanted to make love by the fireplace, and matt is more than happy to fulfil your wish.

warnings; smut, unprotected sex (wrap the willy), dry humping if u squint, praising, that's it..?

a/n; idk if i hate this lmaoo I think i do, but oh well. also, my suggestions r still open, so pls feel free to leave some!

The small crackles and pops of the burning wood was the only noise that could be heard, and other than that, silence filled the warm atmosphere.

Looking towards the large, condensed windows, the view of a snowy forest stared back at me, making me appreciate the warmth the fire was providing. Sitting by a fireplace with nothing but my thoughts and raw emotions is my idea of a perfect Christmas Eve.

I pulled my knees closer to my chest, continuing to admire the way the flames danced but was broken from my trance when I heard the bed behind me shift. The old, wooden floorboards creaked with each of his heavy footsteps. Eventually, he slumped his body on the ground next to me.

"Why are you still up?" Matt mumbled from next to me, rubbing his eyes and resting his head on my shoulder. I bring my hand up to his dishevelled hair and slowly rake my hand through it, letting his head sink further into my shoulder.

"I'm too happy to go sleep," I laugh under my breath, even though it's true. I can't believe I'm spending Christmas with my boyfriend and his family; when MaryLou invited me over for the holidays, I never imagined I'd be in a cosy winter cabin on Christmas Eve.

I glance down to Matt, who is peering down into his lap.

"You okay?" I question, thinking he's probably still tired. He lifts his head from my shoulder and looks at me with a sly grin, causing me to smile wider.

"What?" I ask, confused on what we're smiling about. He reaches for my hand closest to him and pulls it to his clothed dick letting his bulge grow under my touch. I suck in a quick breath, trying not to become flustered by his simple actions but failing miserably.

He keeps his eyes locked on my face, ensuring that I want the same. I grab hold of his hand and pull it towards me, slipping it beneath my plaid pyjama bottoms, letting him feel my damp thong.

Nothing is said, but the mutual need for each other that lingers in the air speaks more than words could.

We inch closer until our lips finally meet.

He removes his hand from my pyjama bottoms and brings it to cup the side of my face. Our lips move in sync as the heat and tension between us grows.

Without breaking our contact, I move my legs so that I'm comfortably straddling his lap, and his hands fly to my waist the moment I start softly grinding on his hardened cock.

I feel the universe slipping away as I lose myself in him. It was just me and him; together.

I pull away from his lips, a string of saliva connecting us still. I'm completely consumed by him, and I'm too far gone to stop now.

"You know... I've always wanted to make love by the fireplace," I whisper, moving closer to his ear so that he'd be the only one to hear my dirty secret. I then softly kiss at his sweet spot just below his ear.

He groans but making sure to still steadily rock my hips on his cock. By now, I'm sure I've left a wet patch on his matching pyjama bottoms, but my attention is completely absorbed by the feeling of my clit rubbing on his length.

Out of nowhere, he tightens his grip on me and flips me over so that my back is flush against the wooden floors. He hovers above me, his silver chain dangling from his neck. I pull on his chain, bringing his lips to mine again.

The kiss becomes more heated as I feel him shift to pull his pants and boxers down just enough so that his cock springs free. I briefly pull away to slide my own bottoms and panties down my legs.

He stares at my slick folds in awe, knowing that he was the only one who could ever get me in this state.

He moves his arm so that it's next to my head, his hand cradling my face. While his other hand reached down between us to grab hold of his stiff member, pumping it a few times, letting drops of pre-cum gather at his tip.

He then brings it to my cunt, rubbing it between my wet folds painfully slow.

"Matt..." I warned. I needed him so bad and had no patience left for any of this, I just needed to feel him inside me.

"Shittt, you're soaking," he mutters to himself, finally bringing his tip to my entrance. Rutting his hips forward, I feel him finally stretching my warmth out.

Matt keeps pushing himself deeper until he's balls deep, covering his length completely in my wetness. His steadily pulls out and slowly pushes back in, filling me perfectly.

"Fuck. You're s-so perfect," He moans, dropping his head to my chest.

Something I adored about Matt was the way he could always tell whether I wanted my brains fucked out or if I needed him deep and slow. He didn't just care about himself and his own pleasure, and it's always evident.

He continued to slowly thrust his hips into me, making sure I felt every single inch. The heat in my stomach intensified, highlighting that my orgasm was building up.

"Matt. Matt, I'm gonna come," I whine, tapping his bicep. He reaches down between us and rapidly swipes his thumb over my clit causing me to moan even louder.

"Shhh, can't wake the others up, sweetheart," Matt hushes, moving his hand to cover my mouth to prevent more noises from spilling out. His hips snapped quicker, indicating he was also chasing his orgasm.

Low grunts fell from his lips and muffled moans from mine. My back arched from the floor, and my head fell further back, catching a glimpe of the clock hung on the wall above us.

Right before my euphoria could crash over me, through my watery eyes, I watched the clock strike midnight, and I crumbled. I harshly grabbed onto Matt's wrist, pressing his hand into my mouth harder so that hopefully nobody would hear the immense amount of pleasure I was currently receiving.

Matt quickly pulled out from my dripping pussy and jerked his now slick cock until thick, white cum shot from his red tip, landing on my bare thigh. He moaned loud enough for only me to hear, letting his spent cock rest on my thigh after he milked himself of all his fluid.

Our bodies relax against each other as we enjoy the haze that our highs brought. His head was still buried in my neck, and his heavy pants dressed my skin.

"Merry Christmas, Matt," I giggle, barely having any breath left in my lungs to speak. He lifts his head from my body and looks up at the clock I was previously looking at and smiling when he noticed it was just past midnight.

"Merry Christmas, baby," He smiles, placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

a/n; this might be the last fic for the year, but if i'm feeling motivated enough, I'll try to get one more out, lmao, but don't count on it pls 😭

Taglist; @idrk2292 @clairesxo @moonlightsturns @045696 @forgottxen @mattsturniolover @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @chrissturniolodailysluts @sturnobsessedwh0re

[olvxva]

unspoken flames pt. II | joost klein x f!reader

part I

✦ wc: 3.2 k

✦ warnings: rpf!, angst, crying, nudity but nothing really descriptive, two fools finally sorting their shit out

✦ an: i had to use my inspiration and free time, so i guess it went pretty quickly lmao, enjoy <3

that night, when Joost closed the door to your apartment behind him, something inside you broke. maybe it was your heart, or maybe it was just your inner self that was torn in half after the blonde took a part of you with him, a part you couldn’t get back. that night, you didn’t sleep a wink. not the next night, nor the one after that.

the quiet sobs were the only thing that could be heard from your lips, as if all the pain you had been holding in finally found its release. the tears, which seemed endless, were only an attempt at relief that never came. you felt empty, alone, and yet, as if you had no right to feel this way, as if you were deceiving yourself.

Joost didn’t say a word. days passed and you sat in your silence, which was like an endless abyss. somewhere deep in your soul, you held a quiet hope that maybe he had changed his mind, that he regretted it. naively, you waited for even a single message, a single word. just one sign that you weren’t alone in this. but nothing came. the phone stayed silent and Joost seemed to have vanished.

it was pure torture. every corner of your apartment reminded you of your shared moments, as if every object, every detail, was a witness to your presence. no matter where you looked, in your mind’s eye, you only saw him - his smile, his gaze, his touch. in every silence, his laugh echoed, in every corner of the apartment, you still felt the warmth of his presence.

your thoughts kept returning to him, even though you tried to push them away. you kept searching for him, though you knew he wasn’t around anymore. every attempt to forget became harder, and with each moment you gazed at the empty spot where he used to be, your heart broke even more.

sitting curled up on the windowsill in the living room, you watched the crowded street outside. the world beyond the glass seemed to live to its own rhythm, completely oblivious to the storm inside you. people walked past each other, talking, laughing, but you felt completely disconnected from all of it.

five weeks had passed since that fateful night. five weeks with no contact. it hurt a little less now, but it still hurt too much. you still felt like you were standing still, stuck in a deadlock where each day was just a reflection of the one before.

the world moved forward as if nothing had happened, while you remained in place, trying to accept that nothing would ever be the same. from the flood of thoughts that once again began to gather above you like dark clouds, you were pulled by the sound of an incoming notification. before you could react, your heart skipped a beat. you reached for your phone nearby and tapped the notification that had popped up. as you saw the message, your heart instantly sank in your chest.

Joost: we need to talk.

one short sentence that in that moment turned your world upside down. you immediately felt a wave of emotions crash over you - fear, anger, sadness, and maybe even hope, though you weren't sure if you should trust it.

you flipped your phone in your hands, feeling the weight of the decision that now stood before you. your mind was swirling with conflicting thoughts. you knew you couldn’t ignore him. after everything, after he’d kept you in uncertainty for so long, you couldn’t just leave this without an explanation.

why now? why so suddenly? those were the questions you couldn’t come up with a reasonable answer to. so much had changed in the weeks that had passed, and though you tried to keep your emotions in check, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something inside you had died. maybe it was the end, maybe not, but what had happened would stay with you forever.

could "what was meant to be" still exist after all of this? you took a deep breath, closing your eyes, trying to gather your thoughts. you felt the unease in your body growing, as if waiting for something that couldn’t be stopped anymore.

me: where and when?

sending the message took you barely a second, but it felt like time slowed down in your head. the phone stayed in your hand, and you stared at the screen, waiting for a reply. each second dragged on endlessly, as if the world was deliberately holding its breath, playing with your patience. after a moment, the screen lit up with a notification, and you quickly read the message.

Joost: my place in an hour, i’ll be waiting.

the words were simple, almost devoid of emotion. you stared at the text, analyzing it as if your life depended on it. i'll be waiting. those words echoed in your mind.

without further hesitation, you stood up and decided to prepare. your movements were automatic, almost mechanical, as if your body had taken control of your mind. you opened the closet and began sifting through your clothes, trying to pick something appropriate - something that wouldn’t betray the chaos inside you but also wouldn’t look too indifferent. every little detail, every decision seemed bigger than it really was.

you were afraid of this meeting. part of you - the hurt and disappointed part - would have preferred Joost to remain a memory, distant and unreal. but there was also the other part, the more stubborn and emotional one, still yearning for his voice, for the way he looked at you, as if he saw something in you that you couldn’t see yourself. it was that part of you that pushed you forward, forcing you to grab a jacket from the closet and reach for the keys.

the walk to his apartment passed unusually quickly, almost too quickly, as if time was mocking you, shortening every second you could have used to gather your thoughts. the cold evening air wrapping around you didn’t help much either. your hands were damp with nerves, and your heart was pounding so loudly that you feared someone on the street might hear it.

you tried to organize your thoughts, the words you wanted to say, but instead, your mind kept circling around what could have happened.

before you knew it, you were already standing in front of his door. you stared at the gleaming number 12 hanging on the door, one you’d seen so many times before. you felt your hands tremble slightly, and your chest rose unevenly with every difficult breath. you slowly raised your hand, ready to knock. a thousand thoughts raced through your mind - what if he wasn’t alone? what if this meeting ended in even more pain?

finally, your knuckles met the wood, making a soft, almost shy sound. for a moment, the silence seemed to stretch on endlessly before you heard footsteps approaching from inside. your heart rose to your throat.

the door opened hesitantly. and then you saw him. he stood there, dressed in simple gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt. his messy hair seemed to stick up in every direction. his face looked tired, and his eyes held a shadow you hadn’t seen before. he looked the same, yet somehow, he seemed like a completely different person standing before you.

for a moment, neither of you spoke. you stared at each other, and the air between you was so thick, you almost felt like you could touch it. you didn’t know what to say. every word you’d prepared in your mind had suddenly evaporated.

“hey” he said finally, his voice quiet, barely audible.

“hi” you replied just as softly, feeling your mind suddenly abandon you.

his gaze drifted across your face, as if trying to read what was going on in your head. for a moment, it seemed like he wanted to say something, but for some reason, he remained silent, stepping back to give you room to enter.

“will you come in?” he asked, finally making a step back to let you inside.

without a word, you timidly stepped through the threshold, your movements slow and cautious, as if walking on thin ice. under the watchful gaze of the blonde, you took off your shoes, trying to control the trembling of your hands that started to betray you. you hung your coat on the hook, making an effort to avoid his gaze, which seemed to pierce right through you.

the atmosphere between you was strange, uncertain. the silence that settled was almost palpable and you had the feeling that every word or movement of yours could break it in the worst possible way.

when Joost moved toward the kitchen, you turned to him and almost instinctively followed. entering the room, you noticed how the blonde leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. he looked thoughtful, yet tense, as if he didn't know what to do next.

"anything to drink?" he suddenly asked, his voice cutting through the silence, but it sounded surprisingly calm, even though you could still see the shadow of uncertainty in his eyes.

"no, thank you, i'm not in the mood" you replied politely, trying to sound neutral "i don't want to impose."

Joost looked at you, and in his eyes, you could see a mix of disappointment. he fell silent for a moment, as if weighing every word he might say. his hands slowly dropped to the counter, and his breath became deeper, as if preparing himself for something important.

"y/n, you know you don't have to feel like that… you don't have to be afraid of imposing" he finally answered, his voice softer than before.

"Joost, you know, sometimes what you say is easier than what i feel" you replied, your voice trembling in your mouth. you looked him in the eyes, but you couldn’t hold his gaze for more than a moment.

the man slowly began to approach you, until your chests were separated by only millimeters. his hand gently caressed your cheek.

you could feel your whole body tense in that moment, as if Joost's approaching touch had the power to break everything. his presence had something that still drew you in, something that made it impossible for you to pull away.

"y/n…" his voice was barely audible, as if he was trying to find the right words "i… i didn't know what to do. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for everything i've done and for what i haven't done. for hurting you. for leaving you when you needed me the most. i know it's not enough, i know it can't fix what happened, but…"

he paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. in your mind, there was emptiness, as if each word he spoke was some kind of spell that took away your ability to think clearly.

"i don't know how to fix what i broke, but i promise you one thing – you won't have to go through this alone. i want to be with you, y/n. i'll do anything to fix this, if you'll just let me. if you’ll let me back in."

you found yourself at a standstill. part of you wanted to throw yourself into his arms, to feel like everything was returning to normal, but the other part still feared trusting him again, afraid that you’d be hurt once more.

"Joost, you left me" you began, feeling a surge of sudden sorrow and anger rising within you "you fucking left me!"

Joost stood frozen, his hand slowly dropping from your cheek as if every syllable of your words was a blow that pierced straight into his heart. his lips pressed into a thin line of helplessness.

"i never wanted to leave you" he said, his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions "i never wanted to hurt you. i just… i just needed to find a way to understand what was happening. you know how much you mean to me…" he paused, as if unable to finish, as though every word he spoke felt too small to carry the weight of what he truly felt.

"mean something to you?!" you shouted directly into his face, unable to keep your emotions in check any longer "if i meant anything to you, you wouldn’t have left me hanging for five fucking weeks without a single word!" you stopped, feeling your heart break all over again "you just disappeared, like we were nothing… like i was nothing."

Joost clenched his fists, his eyes filled with turmoil, never leaving yours. his face inched dangerously close to yours, but you knew you couldn’t let yourself falter. with a swift motion, you stormed toward the door, desperate to escape the pointless torment of this confrontation.

before you could reach the handle, he moved in an instant, his body blocking the exit as he positioned himself in front of the door.

"i won’t let you run away" he said, his voice trembling "you’re not going to make the same mistake i did."

you looked at him, feeling anger and pain begin to mix with something else - maybe fear, maybe the desire to understand what really happened. but you couldn’t give him that satisfaction. not now.

“Joost, move the hell out of the way!”

his eyes narrowed, as if the words you spoke were a blow that landed straight in his chest. he stood there for a moment, analyzing you, and you felt a wave of frustration building inside you.

“y/n, stop” he said quietly, but his voice carried something that sounded like desperation “i won’t let you leave, not without talking. we need to sort this out.”

“just move!” you shouted, unable to contain your emotions. you shut your eyes, trying to calm the rising ache in your chest.

“stay, i’m begging you…” his voice broke suddenly.

Joost grabbed you by the waist, and you felt his body suddenly sink down in front of you.

you stood there, staring at him, feeling his hands tighten around your hips. his breathing was quick, uneven, and his eyes, filled with boundless desperation, looked at you as if pleading for forgiveness, for something he couldn’t find within himself.

you felt as though the entire world had stopped around you. you stood frozen, uncertain and disoriented, with Joost kneeling before you, his face buried against your waist like he was seeking refuge. you held your breath, afraid he might vanish in an instant. your hands reached for his chin, forcing him to look at you.

“Joost…” you whispered his name, barely audible, feeling your hand tremble “what happened to us?”

you knelt beside him, feeling your heart pounding harder and your entire body shaking with emotion. without words, without thinking, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling his body close to yours. you wanted to feel him, to close the distance, even though every part of you screamed to run away. his warmth seeped through your arms.

he pulled you closer and your heart nearly stopped when you felt his body shaking in your embrace. then, in the quiet space around you, came a muffled sob, stifled against your chest. it was a sound that filled your mind, shaking you in a way you hadn’t expected.

you felt his body reacting to the pain he must have carried for weeks, as every tear fell down his cheeks, despite his attempts to hide them. you heard that sound, a raw reminder of how deeply hurt both of you were.

Joost finally lifted his tear-streaked face, and something inside you broke again that night. you knew that pain, you knew that emptiness, but seeing him like this now, seeing his face covered in tears, made you feel like something was shifting. maybe, despite all the hurt you’d both endured, there was still a chance to fix this.

“i love you” you heard his gentle voice, and for a moment, your heart stopped beating “i’m an idiot for realizing it so late.”

those words hit you like a wave, flooding you with a relief. you felt the weight of the weeks filled with silence and misunderstandings suddenly lift off your shoulders. you couldn’t stop the tears that began streaming down your cheeks.

“why didn’t you say it earlier?” you managed to whisper, your voice barely holding steady.

“i was scared, y/n” he said, his gaze locking onto yours “i was scared i wasn’t the one you were looking for. i felt like i didn’t deserve to be the one to make you happy” his voice trembled “and then everything got complicated… and i pulled away because I was afraid my feelings might hurt you. and you know what’s the worst part? that all this time, instead of fighting, i just let my fear control me. and now i see that was the dumbest mistake of my life.”

instead of searching for a meaningful answer, you simply leaned in and pressed your lips to his. Joost froze for a moment, feeling the delicate connection as your lips met. despite all the words he had spoken just moments before, this was what you both had longed for. the kiss was filled with unease, but also relief.

when you pulled away, you stared at each other in silence, as though both of you were trying to comprehend what had just happened. Joost gazed into your eyes, then took a deep breath.

“thank you for doing that” he whispered, though it wasn’t clear if he meant the kiss or the fact that you had let him back into your world.

you didn’t reply. instead, you rested gently against him, as if trying to convey everything you felt without words. just silence and closeness - expressing more than any explanation could.

“how about a shower together?” you asked after a moment, feeling the need to wash away the weight of all the emotions you had been through.

Joost looked at you, surprised, but there was something in his eyes that revealed the suggestion wasn’t strange at all. it was exactly what you both needed.

“sounds perfect” he said quietly, his voice still trembling slightly as if he couldn’t quite believe you were here, together, after everything.

he stood up, extending a hand to help you. Joost’s grip was warm and steady as he guided you to your feet. when you both stepped into the bathroom, the soft light reflected off the gleaming tiles, creating an atmosphere of calm. he closed the door behind you, and the silence that followed was different from before. it wasn’t the heavy, tension-filled quiet - it was something that gave you both space to simply be together, to be yourselves.

without a word, he moved to the shower, adjusting the water to just the right temperature. every motion he made was careful, almost reverent, as if he was trying to understand what you were feeling without rushing you. at last, he turned to you with a gentle smile.

“do you want me to help you?” he asked softly, his tone patient and unpressuring, as though he understood that you needed to go at your own pace.

“yes, please…” you replied quietly, your voice barely above a whisper, as you felt your heart slowly settling back into its normal rhythm.

it was a moment where you could let go, where you didn’t have to think about everything that had happened before. just about the now - him, you, and what you had in this present moment. Joost moved with deliberate tenderness as he began to lift your shirt over your head. finally, his warm hands traveled to the button of your jeans, and you felt your breath catch in your throat.

“it’s just me” his voice carried a soothing calm, grounding you in a way that reminded you you could trust him.

a moment later, you stood before him in nothing but your underwear, which soon joined the rest of your clothes on the floor. joost’s eyes roamed over you, filled with tenderness that made your breath hitch.

“please, don’t make me stand here naked by myself” you said with a small, playful smile.

Joost chuckled softly, the sound rich and warm, before starting to shed his own clothes. you watched him with curiosity, your gaze tracing the lines of his body. when he noticed your eyes on him, he paused momentarily, a faint hint of bashfulness flashing across his face before he offered you a soft smile. his body was marked with tattoos, each one telling a story, each one a piece of the man he was. you loved that about him - the way his tattoos painted a vivid picture of someone unapologetically himself.

without a word, he stepped closer, his hands finding their place on your hips. his touch was warm, steady. the sound of the water streaming from the shower filled the room, but it felt distant, merely a backdrop to the moment. every touch, every movement, was careful, infused with intimacy, as though the entire world had melted away, leaving only the two of you.

you stood face to face now, completely vulnerable, with no barriers between you. as you stepped into the shower together, the warm water immediately washed over your bodies, creating a small, intimate space where there was no need for words or explanations.

Joost positioned himself behind you, and you felt his hand gently glide across your shoulders, as if he wanted to shield you from the world. you closed your eyes, letting the warmth of the water and his touch calm your nerves. all the weight you'd been carrying for the past weeks slowly began to melt away. you felt his hands move across your body, massaging it, each movement lifting away the remnants of fear and pain.

“you don’t have to say anything” he whispered, pulling you closer, so you could feel his breath on your neck “i’m here, really.”

in that moment, you needed nothing more. just the warm water, the silence you shared, and the feeling that, despite everything, you had both found your way back to each other.

"i just wanna say one thing" you started, resting your head on his chest "i love you in a way that's hard to put into words."

[peachdues]

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Have some love!!

“I’m always in that dungeon. Always in the dark. I can’t see my way out.”

You say it so casually, as though you’re simply commenting on the state of the weather or the strength of your untouched tea.

Obanai’s stomach curdles.

A quick glance to you reveals passive features, as neutral as the cadence of your voice. And yet, despite the pleasant set of your mouth, your eyes are vacant; fixed upon some distant point in the garden, but not seeing anything at all.

You are not here; you’ve wandered off, gone someplace far beyond the safety of the Butterfly Mansion. Far away from him.

Despite the coolness of the early spring air, Obanai suddenly finds himself sticky; hot. He sets his own cup down to wipe his damp palm against the front of his trousers.

“In the beginning, I dreamed of one day seeing the sun; the trees. Watching the light filter through the leaves. I thought it would help me endure, but it only trapped me even more. Because I forgot what trees and leaves looked like. And that left me only knowing darkness.” You tilt your head, eyes narrowing as though in thought. “This is all a dream. And I am still there.”

The wilted bandages sticking to his skin skin threaten to slip down his chin, to choke him off around his throat. Already, it feels difficult to breathe, and his fingers shake when he tries to pry them away from his mouth.

“You’re not dreaming.” Obanai forces out a croak. “This is real. You’re out. You’re free — safe.”

“But, I never left. I don’t think I ever will.” Finally, your gaze shifts to him, though it remains empty. “What is it that I did, do you think? To be punished like that?”

Obanai cannot answer you; his lungs his shriveled in his chest. There is no more air to breathe.

“Was I that bad?” And this time, a tiny fissure snakes its way through your voice. “I must have been, to have deserved that.”

The lock is broken; you are cracking wide open and he cannot stop you. And yet, the selfish part of him wants you to pick open this shallow scab. Obanai is desperate and he’s in love, and he wants you to remember so you can remember why you need to despise him; remember the depth of his betrayal, and cast him aside for good.

“Maybe…maybe it was because of someone else.”

It’s as close as he can get to admitting the awful truth of it all, because the truth, won’t mean anything to you. It would only matter if you were still you and he was still Obanai. But it doesn’t mean anything, now. Not when he’s your stranger.

You frown. “I must have harmed them badly, for them to despise me so.”

No, he thinks desperately. I could never despise you. I could hate all the world and still never hate you.

But, Obanai is a coward, and so, he does not tell you this. Instead, he swallows hard, and he clings to his pretenses. “Maybe it was to hurt someone else. Someone who held you dear.”

“No one loved me that way. I would’ve remembered if they had — if not the person, then the feeling.”

Oh, but he did. He does. Even a coward can be brave when left alone.

—

BONUS

You pick at a loose thread on your hospital gown. “You must have loved them a lot.”

“I did.” I do.

The corner of your mouth tilts up in something like a smile; sad and pitying, and the closest thing to the old you he’s seen in months. “Sorry it didn’t work out.”

It takes everything in him to remember how to breathe — how to try. “Me, too.”

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Insecurities ~ Love That Burns

LOVE THAT BURNS MASTERLIST / EVERYDAY MOMENTS MASTERLIST

Word Count: 1,870ish

Summary: You and Logan struggle with some insecurities.

Warning(s): talk of sex, non-con elements, mental health issues, ptsd, possibly triggering, please read with caution

Notes: Please share your thoughts! This fic goes with my series, Love That Burns! Please give it a read!

Reminder: I DO NOT do taglists. Please don’t ask. Please follow and interact! I appreciate any reblogs, likes, comments, and asks! 

Logan had the whole week off, putting him in a great mood. That meant a whole week of solely focusing on you in whatever capacity he could. That also meant that he would have a hard time keeping his hands off of you. He woke up first, immediately pulling you closer, and began to press kisses over your open skin.

You moaned as you started to wake. “Logan,” you rasped, keeping your eyes closed.

Logan shushed you, moving to hover over you as he continued to kiss your skin. “Go back to sleep, princess.”

This wasn't the first time Logan has woken you up like this. And a good majority of the time, you were completely fine with it. But there was something different this morning. 

Your past made your mind cruel to you sometimes. It seemed like the anxieties and insecurities were rising once again, ones that you had never told Logan about. Due to what you had to do to survive while you were homeless, sometimes you believed that you were just an object to fulfill men’s sexual needs. Logan never made you feel that way. You always felt special and important, never an object. 

But the mind was cruel, and sometimes you couldn’t stop it. And as you lay, still half asleep, as Logan began to have sex with you, you couldn’t help but feel like an object. You knew that Logan was focusing more on your pleasure than his own, as he generally did, but your mind was making you feel like nothing to him. Like you were not his wife who he loved and cared deeply for, you were an object, something he only used to please himself.

Throughout the day, Logan couldn’t keep his hands, among other things, to himself. You never vocalized your internal struggles, letting Logan use you as to not make him upset. Your mind had you believing that if you vocalized what you were feeling, Logan would leave you. Though, deep down, you knew that was farther from the truth.

“Baby,” Logan smirked as you as you finished making the bed. “Wanna shower?”

Logan reached for you, moving to pull you into him, but you recoiled and took a step back. The moment you recoiled from Logan’s touch, he was on high alert. His brows furrowed as he immediately began noting the way your heart was racing and how he could smell your nervousness. And now that he had smelt it, he realized that he had been smelling it all day.

“Sweetheart–”

“I’m sorry. I’m fine. Let’s go,” your words were clipped and almost in the same breath. You weren’t looking at him as you grabbed his wrist, not even his hand, and began to lead him towards the bathroom. “We can shower together. I’m fine.”

Logan shook free from your weak grip. “You’re not fine. What’s goin’ on?”

“Nothing,” you shook your head, still not looking at him. “You wanted to shower together. Let’s just shower.”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Stop sayin’ that, princess. It’s not fine. If you don’t want to do something, we’re not gonna do it.” Logan’s eyes went wide in realization as tears slipped down your cheeks. “Oh, God… Sweetheart. Did I… Did I push you too far this morning? Did I–” He cut himself off, swallowing down the words he needed to say. “Did you… Did you not want to have sex?”

“I’m sorry,” you collapsed on your knees. 

Logan clenched his hands together, growing angry at himself for not noticing that you didn’t want to have sex this morning and he pushed you. He couldn’t get himself to get on the ground to hold you, not wanting to push you further than he apparently already had. 

“I’m so sorry,” you continued to cry. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. Please, princess. It’s not your fault.” He crouched down in front of you, still keeping his space. “It’s my fault. I should have known.”

“No, I should have told you.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I… I… Please know that I know that this isn’t true, but on bad days it slips in and I sometimes fail to not believe it.” Logan stayed silent, waiting for more of your explanation. “Because of my… past… I sometimes fail to remember that you want me for more than just my body… that I’m an actual person to you, not just an object… when I get in that mindset, it’s hard for me to stop you.”

“Is this…” Logan had to stop himself, afraid of his own question. “Is this the first time this has happened?”

“Logan–”

“Answer the question, sweetheart.”

You sighed, closing your eyes as you answered. “No.”

Logan growled as he stood up and walked out. You cried harder, curling in on yourself as you couldn’t get yourself to follow after him. Apparently, your mind had been right, the truth would cause Logan to leave you.

But Logan wasn't walking out on you; he was trying to calm himself. He was angry at himself for not making sure you were completely okay with having sex and for ignoring the signs that he had subtly noticed all day. He let out a shout as he punched the wall, allowing his claws to go through it. He needed to calm down so that he could fix this and take care of you.

Suddenly, you appeared in the doorway, a sobbing mess. “I’m sorry,” you sobbed. “It's all my fault. Please don't leave. Please don't leave!"

Logan’s heart felt like it had been ripped down and crushed into a million pieces. You thought he was leaving you. That would be impossible for him to do. But in your current state, you couldn’t see that. He ripped his hand from the wall, hiding his claws, and took a step forward. Before he could even say anything, you had lunged at him. You gripped his flannel like it was a lifeline, though the heat of your hands was threatening to burn it.

“Please don’t leave,” you begged. “I’ll do anything. Be anything. I can’t--"

“Honey, I need you to breathe,” Logan’s voice came out as calm as he could. His hands hovered over you, too scared to push you farther. “I'm not going anywhere.”

“You—You aren’t?"

“No, I walked out so that I could calm down.”

“You're---You're mad at me?”

“No, sweetheart, never… Yes, I'm disappointed that you felt like you couldn't tell me no and that you think I don’t see you as more than an object. But I’m not mad, and I'm not leaving.”

“Can… can you hold me then?”

Logan didn’t waste another second in pulling you into him. “I need you to be honest with me when you're mind is doing this to you.” 

“I know.”

“I hate that I… that I did anything without your consent. I never want to do that. Ever.”

“I know... I’m sorry."

“I’m sorry, too… We need to come up with a way for you to tell me when you're feeling this way. I can pick up the changes in your body, and I will not ignore them again, but I also need you to be honest with me.”

“I know… I know... I'll tell you next time it happens."

“Does it happen often?"

“No… not at all.”

“But it's happened before?"

“Yes.”

Logan pulled back and cupped your face, forcing you to look at him. “I love you, baby. I love you. The whole person that you are. Every bit of your brain, your mutation, your body, and your personality. You are more to me than some object and I will do whatever I can to get your brain to believe me.”

“Okay,” you nodded slightly. "Thank you, Logan."

“Always, sweetheart. Always.”

~~~

Logan had gotten used to his adamantium skeleton over the years, but it still didn't change the fact that sometimes he was scared that he could accidentally hurt you. Not just with his claws, but that he could hold you a bit too tight, or crush you during sex, or even just hit you a bit too hard in any of his movements.

The two of you were in town for a quick errand. You jumped out of the truck and came to his side. Before you could grab his hand to hold, Logan stuffed them into his pockets. A tinge of hurt ran through you, but you shook it off. Logan wasn't a fan of PDA, even the simplest of actions, though you were usually the exception. Not trying to think of Logan's rejection too much, you led him into the store.

“I got it,” he muttered, taking the cart from you. 

Your head tilted as you caught sight of how tightly both of his hands were gripping the cart. The bar was threatening to give way. “Are you okay, baby?”

“‘m fine.” 

You sighed, knowing that it wasn't worth it to push in such a public space. You made sure to get your groceries quickly as you could feel the tension radiating off of Logan. Once the two of you got back into the truck, Logan gripped the steering wheel tightly, where he would usually place a hand on your thigh. You tried not to take it personally as the tension grew in the truck. 

Logan was quick to get out and gather all the groceries before heading into the house. You were even more confused and concerned than before. You found him in the kitchen putting the items away. You walked over and went to wrap your arms around him, but Logan tensed, causing you to reel back.

“Honey, are you okay?” You asked, clearly concerned. 

“Fine,” he grunted, pulling away from you.

“No, you’re not. Talk to me.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Do I… When we… When I…” He stammered. He glanced at you, almost melting at you stood there waiting for him to gather his thoughts with such loving patience. “When I touch you, do I ever hurt you?”

“What?”

“Like when I hold your hand or hug you or when we have sex?”

“Never,” you shook your head, stepping forward. “You never hurt me. Why would you think that?”

“It’s just… I’m stronger than you and then there’s my adamantium skeleton. I… I could hurt you so easily… Are you sure I don’t?”

“James,” you carefully rested your hands on his chest as you kept eye contact with him. “I never feel anything but pure love and safety in your touch.”

“But I—“

“You are stronger than me and your skeleton is much heavier, but the only place I truly feel safe is in your arms. You would never to anything to hurt me like that on purpose, I know it. You are always so careful with me. I always feel treasured by you.”

Slowly, his hands came to your waist, barely holding you. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, honey.”

“I don’t hurt you?”

You shook your head. “Never.”

He sighed and leaned his forehead against yours. “It’s gonna take me a minute to get out of this mindset, princess.”

“Take all the time you need. I’ll still be here.”

[fishnapple]

What can bring true satisfaction to your heart?

Let's end this year by hearing what your heart yearns for. And also trying out my new AAB (Animal Advisory Board) set for divination ✨️

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost Book a reading with me - KO-FI (→ personal reading)

ORANGE

On the surface level, what feels like satisfaction for you is recognition for your hard work. You feel a sense of lack when it comes to your material possessions, that that sense of lack can affect your sense of self greatly. You could feel that the more you have, the more confident and safe you are, you find safety in a familiar physical world. Working, earning money, and then being recognised for your effort can elevate your "worth" in this world, or so you believe. And being worthy is the solid proof of existence and meaning. But you will soon find that in chasing success and recognition, you risk burning out and losing your vitality, your jest for life. Being too focused on a goal, a task can narrow your perspective and make you feel like life is just a race, a competition. You want to show your best, to be known as the most hard working person, the one who contributes the most, the one who can take on any tasks without fear, the one who shines the brightest. Life seems like a stage where you have to perform constantly, even when you're alone, your actions are being observed by an invisible audience.

But your inner self disagrees with that approach, and it will demand a change from you. You can't keep running in "the race" forever because there's simply no race for you to run, just a life for you to be in and to live. A part of you is sleeping, latent inspirations are trapped inside without the means to be expressed. It's quite contradictory, on the outside, you look so busy and active, always doing something, but on the inside, the energy is stagnant and inactive. This feeling will continue to pile up until you can't take it anymore and want to burst out, to take off. The feeling of true freedom, of flying for the first time will open up a floodgate inside you, you will begin to nurture a different perspective, you will want to slow down your run and look around, suddenly you will find so many interesting things around you that you haven't noticed before.

By being free, you will also have a different view on relationships. Your heart yearns for freedom, freedom to be yourself, and freedom to love. You will want to bond deeply with people, to seek comfort in the emotional sense, not in the physical sense anymore. You seek true understanding, of yourself, of the other person and the world you live in. Deep connections can bring the most satisfaction, something that you might have been oblivious to up until now. You won't seek recognition from the general crowd anymore, you will seek the transparency of being seen completely by a loved one.

WHITE

For this group, I see a lot of images about predators attacking prey. This can mean that you are having contradictory thoughts and feelings inside yourself, like an inner critic, always watching and judging your every wish and action. This creates lots of unnecessary fears in you, you're held prisoner by your own mind. You desire many different things, or said in a different way, many different things can bring you satisfaction, but they can be at odds with each other. The solution for you is to go ahead and do them anyway, no matter how much your mind protest or try to "talk" you out of it, which sometimes can be in a really aggressive way. Your mind can create visions of people ridicule or criticise you for your decisions. What you need to do is triumph over those visions, shoo them away, and just do what you instinctively feel drawn to do and then see for yourself, with you own eyes, the actual outcome, only then will you have solid "proof" to chase away those intrusive thoughts in your mind. For you, getting over your myriad fears will be your biggest achievement and satisfaction. For every victory over your fear, no matter how small, you deserve to get a pat on your back. Be gentle with yourself, but firm enough to give yourself a chance to grow.

About your many desires, one is about receiving and giving love. You might just focus on romance and dating right now, without much serious thought about a long-term commitment and building a family with someone. But in the future, when you allow yourself to grow more and gain new perspectives, the thought of commitment will naturally arise in you. You won't just desire love and affection alone, you also desire a place to call home, a place where someone will be there to welcome you. You will want to nurture someone, and be nurtured back, work for the connection, and see your effort grow into a deep bond. You're working hard right now, but mostly to build your own foundation, later in life, you will want to work hard to build that foundation with another person. Your heart will flourish in the nurturing environment of a steady relationship.

For now, just focus your energy on getting to know yourself, every nook and cranny. Come to your rescue when your mind begins to nag, especially when you want to rest and contemplate hidden things behind the veil of mundane life. Use your resting time to let your mind explore foreign subjects, coax it gently when it tries to resist learning new things. The more you explore, the more your mind will soar, the more your heart will feel tranquil and happy.

PINK

Does the question of whether the person you're attracted to romantically can also be your friend ever cross your mind? Or the question of whether that person can truly connect with you on a mental level? I see the people who chose this group are ardent lovers. The kind that would focus their all on a connection, passionate and gripping. You might be the person who loves falling in love, the feeling of romance and relationships brings you great joy. But the pitfall here is that you tend to idealise the other person and the connection to the point of overlooking some glaring incompatibilities. On a surface level, a person might seem fun and physically ideal to be your partner, but let some time pass and look closer, you will find that you don't really connect on a more deeper level. A telling sign would be that conversations are lacklustre, there's an uncomfortable silence between you, the subjects of the conversation are superficial. In the long run, this can create dissatisfaction in the relationship.

What you might not realise is that a deep bond, especially forged over many conversations, is essential to your feeling of overall happiness about life. Friendship matters, even love should be built based upon friendship. Having many people who you can call friends is actually more satisfying than having many lovers, friends who come from many walks of life, from all around the world. Having a group of close friends who can go on adventures with you, who can nurture you, who can build you up, who can make your mind buzzing, who can be your family, that's what brings true satisfaction to your heart.

Can you see the stag nipping at a tree while the peacock is facing the opposite direction? I think right now, the way you express yourself can be like a form of reaction to the specific person whom you're interacting with, rather than just communicating who you are in general. In conversations, you might try to act more cool, showing the best of yourself in order to build a favourable image, which is what all of us do to some degrees, consciously or not. But this shape-shifting energy can be detrimental to really connect with the other person. Instead of letting the other person provide you with 'nutrition' for your mind and heart, you're busy impressing them. This can happen in all your interactions, whether with strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, lovers. You should take a more relaxed approach, allowing the words to seep into you leisurely, building friendship as if growing a tree, then you will have a flourished heart.

GREEN

The word 'Success' has a lot of meanings to you, and all meanings have weight that defines your life. For you, being successful doesn't have to be about earning lots of money of being famous, though that is a part of the 'Success' that you pursue, it's not all. You want to leave behind your legacies, the proof that you exist, the proof that you have lived hard and well, that your life has meaning.

Throughout your life, you will encounter various stumbling blocks that require you to reinvent yourself, like ascending a stairway, each step bring your higher, closer to your ideals. You're willing to change yourself, to bring about a complete overhaul, allow yourself to play various roles, don many masks, life is a big stage and you're a magician, a jester or a seller, who always has something to dazzle and sell to the audience. This 'performance' is not fake or disingenuous at all, it's what you're born to do, to achieve prestige and finally reach the top of the stairway.

You have a core that's very malleable and agile, constantly moving, though it can help you be flexible and move through situations with ease, it can create an inner confusion. You feel like you have to be at all places, here and there, never settle down, forever swimming, nothing can hold you down and keep you in one place for long. This fuels your desire to find an anchor in the physical world. To know what you've done, what you've achieved, where you need to go. You need external structure and stability so that your internal spirit can swim freely. You can move a lot, but you need to feel a sense of home wherever you're. And that's not easy to achieve. But you have the knack to connect instantly with people, you can make the most distant stranger your friend in no time. The more people surround you, the safer you feel. Community and sense of camaraderie soothe you nomad heart. As long as you have people around you, everywhere can be your home.

And in that hope will you work your magic, working tirelessly to build your foundation. Even though your spirit is a nomad, constantly moving, you have trouble letting go of things and people, gradually, the stuff you pack with you gets more and more heavy, slowing you down. The challenge for you is to learn when to let go, to travel light. What your heart truly wants is the feeling of ascending the ladder, of knowing that you've done something meaningful and left a mark, of giving away the fruits of your labour, not the feeling of possessing and holding on to as many things as possible.

[midnightbears]

✿ duskbound, afterlight.

#STARRING: cybertronian femme reader & other characters.

#TAGS: none i can think about???? megatronus appearance lol

#NOTES: sorry i forgot i also had this fic on tumblr lol it's a lot more updated on ao3 / thank you to @juicygf for her OC, Echo! I hope I have done her justice for her small appearance in the chap! Reminder that if you would like your oc to appear on the story, feel free to leave a comment or send me a message!

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

Bluey took nearly three days to half-forgive you for that stunt you pulled with the Overseers.

It took even longer for the controversy to gradually die out in the simmering city of Kaon, the audacious scandal of the self-named gladiator, aka you, barraging through the underbelly of the city. The uproar sent tremors through the working bots of the lowest levels, stirring them from their routines and igniting a firestorm of controversy that, frankly, lasted longer than you would have liked.

If the rumors circulating among your comrades held any truth, your actions had caused quite the commotion outside of Kaon.

Your exploits spread like wildfire among the segment of the population that avidly followed the entertainment and broadcasts surrounding the gladiatorial fights. The rebroadcast of your match took the Grid by storm, particularly the 15-second clip that captured the explicit moment when you simply lost it at the disrespect you were facing. The sheer force of your actions made you a topic of fascination and debate throughout the community.

You wondered if your old comrades had heard of this.

Did the miners at Nuna 5PY recall the fierce figure that had defiantly hurled that shard of plating at the crime bosses who loomed over the brutal gladiatorial matches of Kaon? Did they see in her the image of the introverted, helpless-looking worker from the H branch, the one who had, through no fault of her own, been thrust into the role of living entertainment in a world that thrived on suffering? 

What might H–01 think of you now? And what of Starlight—had she been alive, would her clear gaze still recognize the essence of who you were? Would they see remnants of your former self entombed beneath the layers of the lessons you had learned, or would they only see the ruthless warrior you were slowly becoming? 

What would you even say to them? I swear, it wasn’t me. The Pits changed me. I had to do it. They made me. I made myself do it. To survive. To stay alive. To avenge you. To avenge all of us. Because I was scared. Because I was enraged. Because I did not want to die. Because I lost everything. Because everything was at stake. Because I had nothing to lose. Because I didn’t know what else to do. Because I wanted to prove I could. Because I hated them. Because I hated myself. Because it felt right. Because it felt wrong. Because I couldn’t stop. Because stopping would mean admitting it. Admitting that maybe this is who I always was. Or maybe this is who they made me. Maybe it’s who I had to become. Maybe it’s who I need to be. Maybe it’s too late to change. Maybe I don’t want to.

Between these mumbling thoughts, it became near impossible to discern which were the veracious whispers of your spark and which were the treacherous insinuations of your mind. It was so strange. It was born out of the silence of injustice, the moment you felt the gaping absence of fairness. It changed you, redesigned your beliefs, and imparted knowledge as heavy as stone.

Would they understand if you told them how the days in the dark bled together, how the screams of others became the sounds of the wins? Would they see the trembling servos that first held the blade and understand how they became steady with practice, helmed by obligation?

Or would they turn from you, repulsed by the monster you’d become? You wondered if they would hear the echoes of your defiance in the acts you committed or only see the emptiness you carried now. When you finally stood before them—whether in this life or the next—what could you say that would bridge the chasm of who you had been and who you were now?

Could you ever explain that it was a single moment that changed you? Would that be enough? Would you be enough?

Were you really the same femme you once had been? Or were you merely donning her old protoform? 

You paid the price to satiate your spite. You fed your anger; you willingly did it.

What did that say about you?

As everything does, the rumors and whispers faded away. The result was a welcome reprieve; no longer did Bluey or your newfound band of companions feel the need to shadow your every move, their initial worry easing as the crowds of enthusiastic gladiators retreated into the background, no longer clamoring to voice their admiration or to share their astonishment at your audacity.

What bothered you most was that you had not been punished.

You mulled over it as you meticulously honed the edges of various weapons, the lilting scrape of metal against metal breaking the otherwise stillness of the room. With no matches slated for the day, Bluey practically dragged you to the armory you both frequented for peace and quiet.

You were still waiting for one of your comrades to appear, but in order to pass the time, you had come up with the lame excuse of wanting to sharpen some blades in order to save yourself from the imminent conversation Bluey wanted to have.

Inside the pits, the armories were considered a place to reprieve, its cavernous walls holding so many forms of violence in different shapes, its tools long since outmoded or discarded, awaiting purpose or oblivion. Away from everything else, among the scuffed blades and tarnished plating, you could think— or at least attempt to.

Bluey was perched on the edge of a disused weapons rack, his frame slouched but optics trained on you with the sharp attentiveness that he hid so well, so carefully. He knew what you were doing, and yet he was entertaining your wishes. Although, only for a short time.

“Shanix for your thoughts,” Bluey’s voice cut through the quiet. His tone lacked its usual romp and jest, replaced with something softer, something more sympathetic. “Seriously, are you still thinking about it?”

You didn’t look up. “Shouldn’t I be? Nobody gets away with what I did. Not really.”

“Not many are crazy enough to do what you did,” Bluey countered, folding his arms as his gaze shifted to the weapons etched into the wall behind you.

You scoffed. “I don’t know what you expect me to do. Forget about it? Pretend it didn’t happen?”

“You could start by not acting like you’re waiting for a firing squad. You made your point. So, what? You want punishment? You want them to come down here, drag you out, and make an example of you?” His voice sharpened, his optics flickering with barely restrained frustration. “Because if you do, you’re not just slagging yourself—you’re slagging me and everyone else who’s been backing your sorry aft. No one who saw that clip’s going to forget it anytime soon, so maybe you ought to let it go.”

His words stung in a way they weren’t meant to. Let it go. As if it was that simple. As if the memory of the Overseers’ dismissive sneers and the crash of energon cubes toppling in front of their lofty perch didn’t appear behind your optics every time you closed them. The image still flashed in your mind, unbidden—the way their optics finally snapped to you, the way the entire pit seemed to hold its collective breath as you turned and walked out like you owned it.

“It wasn’t about making a point,” you muttered, more to yourself than to him.

Bluey didn’t miss a beat. “Oh no, throwing a hunk of scrap at their fancy energon stash was just a friendly little gesture, then? Sure fooled me.”

This time, you did look up, fixing him with a glare. “They weren’t even watching, Bluey. I could’ve been anybot out there, and it wouldn’t have mattered to them. All we are to them is noise. Static.”

“Static doesn’t throw tantrums,” he shot back. “Static doesn’t stop the show cold and have bots talking about it across half the Grid. You’re not static, and you’re slagging well smart enough to know it.”

The truth in his words twisted uncomfortably in your chassis, and you hated that he was right. You hated that, in the moment, you hadn’t thought past your own anger to the weight of what it meant to act on it. To take what you were feeling and throw it—literally—in their faces. You’d discarded the one thing Bluey had drilled into you and now you were paying the price. You opened your mouth to argue, but he held up a servo to stop you.

“You’re scared,” he said after a long pause, “Not of what you did, but what it means.”

With a solemn swallow, you darted your helm away. Just before the mech could speak, he was so close to doing so as his dermas were parted, the doors to the armory bolted open, letting him see the hallway for a second. He saw a pair of sentry guards passing by the doors, but his attention was only caught a split second by them before he redirected his optics to the reason the entrance had opened in the first place.

With airy steps, a femme made her way toward the two of you. To your surprise, behind her followed Megatronus.

Bluey bristled, leaning his servo on the table. “I thought we agreed on a private hangout, Echo.”

The femme looked at him with a raised optic ridge, her expression as unimpressed as ever.

“We did,” Echo said flatly, her voice cool and laced with that signature sarcasm that always seemed to cut right to the point. “Then he decided to invite himself along.”

She thumbed over her shoulder at Megatronus's imposing figure. The towering gladiator's sheer presence filled the armory, his optics sweeping over the room like he was already cataloging the weapons in sight.

The room seemed smaller now, the oppressive silence filling every corner as Megatronus stepped further inside. The dim light and shadows seemed to bend and curl around him, his presence pulling the atmosphere taut like a wire about to snap. Even among gladiators, he was larger than life—a figure carved out of myths and whispered stories that no one dared to speak aloud. His armor gleamed faintly, the darkened metal catching just enough light to highlight the scars etched into its surface, each one a mark of battles fought, victories earned, and enemies crushed.

Bluey shifted uneasily at your side, his servo tightening around the edge of the table. His usually easygoing demeanor—the casual grins, the sly remarks—was nowhere to be found. Now, his optics flickered with tension, darting toward you for something unspoken, something grounding.

"Didn’t realize we were hosting a fragging summit," he spoke directly in Megatronus’s direction, the strain in his voice betraying his attempt at humor. His words cut through the silence with ease, but they did little to lighten the weight in the room.

If anything, the tension seemed to thicken, settling heavily over you. Your spark pulsed harder in your chest as Megatronus’s optics locked onto you, pinning you in place with their suffocating intensity. His gaze wasn’t just commanding—it was predatory, cold, and unrelenting. There was no pretense of curiosity, no veneer of civility. He was here for a purpose, and whatever it was, it loomed larger than any excuse you could muster.

But you’d be damned if you let him intimidate you now. You stepped forward, mindful of Bluey’s optics trailing your every move. “What do you want?”

“You’ve made an impression,” Megatronus said at last. His voice was low, a resonant growl that seemed to reverberate through the walls and into your plating.

The urge to meet his intensity burned within you, but you forced it down, keeping your tone even. You knew better than to show weakness, yet every instinct screamed at you to tread carefully.

“That depends on what kind of impression you mean,” you replied, your voice steady despite the storm raging in your processor.

For a brief moment, the corner of Megatronus’s mouth twitched upward—not quite a smile, but enough to send a shiver down your spinal strut. “One worth investigating.”

The silence that followed was oppressive, each second stretching longer than the last. Bluey shot you another sharp glance, his optics narrowing as though willing you to say or do something that wouldn’t get you both scrapped.

You swallowed hard, drawing in a shallow intake. “I asked you, what do you want?”

Megatronus stepped closer, his imposing frame towering over you. His optics narrowed slightly, studying you with an intensity that felt almost surgical. When he finally spoke, his voice was a deep, measured rumble. “An answer. Not to what you did, but to why you did it.”

His words hung in the air like a blade suspended over your helm, waiting to drop. The temperature in the room seemed to plummet as his question bore down on you, the walls closing in with the weight of every optic fixed on you.

Beside you, Bluey tensed, his servo twitching just slightly toward the blade you’d been sharpening earlier. The movement was subtle, but you caught it, your spark stuttering at the thought of what might happen if things escalated.

Lying would have been easy. You could’ve spun a story, fabricated some excuse that might’ve deflected his scrutiny. But Megatronus wasn’t the kind of mech to accept falsehoods, and you weren’t sure you wanted to risk what might happen if he saw through one. Whatever answer you gave, it had to be the truth—or at least a truth that he’d believe.

You forced yourself to meet his gaze, “Because someone needed to remind them we’re more than their entertainment.”

For a moment, Megatronus said nothing, his optics boring into yours as if measuring the strength of your resolve. Behind you, Echo seemed to pause, her posture stiffening ever so slightly as she watched the scene unfold.

Finally, Megatronus nodded.

“Good,” he said simply, his tone as sharp as it was final. “Then you’re exactly the kind of bot we’ve been looking for.”

“Looking for?” you echoed, tilting your helm slightly as you folded your arms. There was a spark of defiance in your optics, one that you knew full well Megatronus wouldn’t miss. “You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t jump at the chance to be part of whatever ominous plot you’re about to drop on us.”

Megatronus’s optics gleamed faintly, his expression unreadable, though the faintest edge of amusement tugged at the corner of his lip component.

“I expected hesitation,” he said, his tone bearing a poundage that hinted he was more intrigued by your reaction than insulted. “But not doubt. I thought you had conviction.”

Your spark pulsed harder, though you refused to let it show. “Conviction isn’t the same as blind faith. If you want me involved, try using actual words instead of ominous statements.”

Bluey let out a soft, barely audible whistle. “She’s going to regret saying that…”

Echo snorted from her perch near him, lowering her voice. “Nah, I’m betting she survives. Megatronus doesn’t usually scrap his recruits on the first meeting. Makes for bad morale.”

The towering mech’s optics flicked briefly toward her, a fleeting but sharp glance that silenced her with a single raised optic ridge.

“Enough,” he said, his tone dismissive, though not unkind. His focus returned to you, his looming presence swallowing the space between you in a way that felt both suffocating and oddly exhilarating.

“What we’re planning isn’t for the faint of spark,” he continued, his voice dropping to a low rumble that seemed to resonate through your frame. “It’s for those who are willing to challenge the rot festering in Kaon. To remind the so-called crime lords that their reign is built on the backs of those they consider expendable.”

Your optics narrowed slightly as you took in his words. He wasn’t just talking about rebellion—this was something more calculated, something bigger. “And you think I’m the right kind of bot for this... crusade?”

Megatronus’s voice dropped, the intensity palpable. “You’re more than the right kind of bot. You’re the perfect one! You’ve got fire, strategy, and the kind of grit that’ll get us past the ones who think they’re untouchable.”

“And if I say no?” you challenged, raising an optic ridge, feeling a defiant spark of anger flare within you. “What happens then?”

“Then you’ll have made a mistake,” Megatronus replied, his tone cold and unyielding. “One you won’t get a chance to correct.”

You held his gaze, unwilling to break. “Is that a threat?”

“Call it what you will,” he said. “But you’ll find that there's no backing out when you’re involved in this. Not if you value your spark.”

The challenge tainting his words was clear. You tilted your helm and uncrossed your arms, the weight of his scrutiny sinking deep. “And if I decide to play along?”

Megatronus’s optics flickered, something unreadable flashing in their depths. “Then you’ll realize just how much you’re capable of. Soon enough.”

“Is that supposed to be comforting?” you asked.

His optics softened slightly, but only for a split second. “It should be. Because I wouldn’t have wasted my time if I didn’t think you had what it takes.”

You scoffed, taking a step back, feeling the pressure of his presence like a vice. “So, you’re just going to throw me into your plans and hope I don’t get caught in the gears, huh?”

Megatronus took a step closer, his frame almost imposing enough to block out the dim light. “You’re already caught, whether you realize it or not. Follow my lead, and you’ll find out soon enough.”

But you weren’t done yet. “What if I don’t follow your lead? What if I do things my way?”

For a split second, Megatronus seemed to consider it, his optics glinting with something dangerous. Then, his dermas curled into a smile, though it was anything but warm. He crossed his arms, extending a servo out. “Then we’ll find out who’s better at this game.”

The words dangled between you like a challenge, a threat, and an invitation all at once. You weren’t sure which you disliked more.

“What game?”

“You will realize,” he said, his voice dropping to an almost intimate whisper. “Soon enough.”

Your optics narrowed further. “That’s not an answer.”

“It’s the only one you’ll get,” he replied smoothly, a faint flicker of something—amusement, perhaps?—dancing behind his optics. “For now.”

You didn’t respond. Didn’t need to.

With one last lingering look, Megatronus turned to leave, his massive frame moving with the grace of a predator—always hunting, always calculating. The sound of his heavy steps echoed as the doors to the armory hissed shut behind him, leaving the three of you alone.

Echo’s optics lingered on the door for a moment longer before she turned to you, a crooked frown tugging at the corner of her dermas. "Well, that was dramatic. I’ve seen more convincing threats from half-welded scrap drones."

Bluey snorted at that, the sound breaking some of the tension in the room. "Yeah, well, remind me to avoid half-welded scrap drones if they’re anything like him."

You didn’t smile. You didn’t even laugh. It wasn’t funny.

Instead, you simply gazed at the vacant spot where Megatronus had been, sensing the heaviness of his challenge weighing down on you like a persistent pain and pulling you down with it, sinking into your tanks. He had presented you with a decision, but that wasn’t what troubled you the most. It was the realization that, deep inside, you understood it was an offer that would change everything.

There would be no going back from this.

No easy way to evade it.

You didn’t look at your friends at first. You just reached for your blade, the cool metal a familiar weight in your servo. You ran your digits over the edge, feeling the sharpness, the perfection of its form.

You would have to make your choice soon, and there would be no going back after it.

In that moment, you realized something: You hadn’t just been fighting for survival. You’d been fighting for control. And whatever happened next, you weren’t going to let anyone take that from you.

Not Bullway. Not any other overseer. Not any gladiator who thought they could taint you. Not Megatronus. Not anybot else.

[sprout-fics]

Silent Night

(Simon Ghost Riley x OC 'Fix')

Part of my Snowblind Series

Rating: General Wordcount: 2.3k Tags: Angst, Whump, Mutual Pining, Slowburn, Injuries, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Trauma Warnings: Descriptions of injuries A/N: In my head this oneshot takes place between Hellebore and Mayday Mayday, during Fix and Ghost's weird mutual longing era. Anyways, thanks for sticking with this story for another year!

Divider by @adornedwithlight

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that you and Ghost are the only ones on base during Christmas.

Normally you’d fly back to D.C. for the holidays and camp out at Laswell and Paula’s house in NoVA. Kate had made sure you knew you had a standing invite to visit any time. Yet this holiday Paula had convinced her wife to take a camper out west to some ski resort, taking Whiskey along as well. So Kate had sheepishly let you know that while you were free to house-sit, they would be indisposed. Rather than face the ghosts of your family and DC alone, you decided to stay on base in the UK.

The rest of the team left days ago, taking up their valuable holiday leave and traveling to their respective corners of the UK. Soap had eagerly chattered about visiting his sisters and seeing his nieces, nephews and Nan. It’s not often he gets to see them all at once, and you know he looks forward to wrestling with the ‘wee tykes’ and shooting the breeze with his brothers in law.

Gaz had sheepishly shared he too was visiting home- going to see his mom and sisters as well. Though less rowdy than Soap’s family gatherings, he made a face about being fussed over after not visiting home for so long. No doubt he’d be scolded for not calling home as often as he should and have his mom start asking pointed questions about finding a nice girl to settle down with.

Price hadn’t mentioned any family to you, and you hadn’t asked. Whether by omission or the fact that he didn’t have any to speak of, the matter seemed a tender point for him and you quieted any questions you thought to raise. He did, however, smile when talking about his nice cottage and warm fireplace, a glass of whiskey and the quality box of cigars Nikolai sent him every year for Christmas.

One by one they left, easing off into the gray winter. With them most of base trickled out as well, the younger soldiers whooping and hollering as they boarded the bus to the airport or had family pick them up at the gates. Eventually, as the snow fell and the days darkened further against the solstice, it was just you.

You...and your lieutenant who hasn’t left his room in three days.

Price had warned you before he left that the holidays were a hard time for Simon. Though he didn’t share details, the fact that Simon never mentioned any family was evidence enough that for Simon holidays were not the bright cheery festivities others were used to. Like you, Simon instead approached lonely carols and the solitary, starry nights with a sense of loss, of grief.

With a skeleton crew running base, you’re left largely to your own devices. The first day is fine. You spend valuable down time catching up on the pile of books you’ve accumulated, including some sent to you by Farah. You visit the gym, take a long hot shower, watch a cheesy Hallmark film in the rec room, eat dinner, and doze off for about ten hours straight.

By the end of the second day you start to feel restless. It used to be that you soaked up any down time you could, but after joining the task force and getting used to their rapid fire mission schedule, so much unstructured time only serves to itch under your skin with the need to move, to go. You try and burn it off with a few laps around base, but the quiet of the buildings only unsettles you.

Gaz and Soap don’t reply to your attempts to text them, too busy with their own holiday gatherings to entertain your need for socialization. In the evening you stare up at the ceiling of your room and think about knocking on Ghost’s door.

You text him, but he doesn’t reply.

You think about him as you lay awake in your bed, listening for the sound of his answer, only to be left in silence.

By the end of the third day you can’t stand it anymore.

In the evening you stand in front of Ghost’s door, hand raised to knock and your knuckles shy of the surface. You’re not even sure what your plan is, even if he does answer. You haven’t seen Ghost leave his room at all, and even the mess hall staff say they haven’t seen him. You’re worried about him, about if he’s eaten recently, if he’s rotting inside his room.

“Ghost?” You ask after minutes of silence standing before his door. “It’s me.”

Silence, and you wonder if he’s even in there at all.

“I just...” You try again, throat dry as moments pass with words unsaid. “...just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

This time there’s a sound of slight movement inside, followed by the sound of something that sounds suspiciously like broken glass.

“Ghost?” You ask again, alarmed. “Is something broken? Are you okay?” and when he doesn’t reply you feel anxiety gnaw inside your chest. “Hey, Ghost, answer me-”

The sound of heavy, thudding footsteps reaches you before you can reel backwards, and the door swings open abruptly to reveal Ghost’s massive, dizzying figure looming out of the pitch black of his room.

“What.” He says flatly, anger scarcely hidden in his voice, one bare hand holding onto the door frame with a white-knuckle grip and eyes narrowed with a dangerous warning.

You swallow, taking a step back to view him fully, eyes raising from his feet to his masked face-

and settling on his bare, bloody knuckles.

“What-” You manage, brow furrowing. “What on earth did you do to your hand?!”

Ghost blinks, eyes softening as he raises his hand, as if noticing it for the first time. There’s glass shards embedded in his skin, and concern flutters brightly in your chest as he merely grunts.

“ ‘S fine.” He mutters before his dark eyes narrow in on you again. “What do you want.”

“It’s not fine.” You manage, grabbing for his hand to raise it up an examine it. You’re so worried you don’t even see the way Ghost flinches when you touch him. Blood streams between his fingers, cakey and dried, tiny fragments of glass sticking from his skin. You force yourself to swallow, thinking about how much it must hurt to be walking around like this.

“What did you do?” You ask him breathlessly, followed by: “Nevermind. Do you have a med kit in here? I can run to the infirmary and get one- though my room might be closer...”

You don’t see the way Ghost blinks at you, shoulders softening as he takes in your pinched, worried face.

“...I have one.” He mutters at last, turning into the darkness of his room with the door open, apparently for you to follow. You stand on the threshold hesitantly, blinking as you notice the lingering chill from Ghost’s frigid fingers. As you step forward darkness engulfs you, only a slant of light from the hallway to provide any illumination to the pitch black room.

Ghost’s room is cold, bare, and if you didn’t know better you would have assumed no one slept here. The only signs of life are the blankets on the bed haphazardly tossed from the thin mattress, and a phone charger plugged into the wall. The desk is empty, the dresser looks untouched, and even the closet is absent of any clothes that would hang there.

Your boot crunches something fragile, and you look down to see a tiny, glimmering shard of blood-stained glass. Crimson droplets lead to the bathroom, and when you glance inside you see the mirror.

Shattered.

Ghost rustles with something in the drawer of his desk, finally pulling out a med kit and depositing it beside you with a solid and pointed thunk. His dark eyes glimmer in the dimness of the room, unblinking. Waiting for you to speak.

When you meet his gaze, your chest aches.

You’re not sure what demons have been haunting him in this solitude- evil enough to make him violent and volatile enough to punch out the mirror. Sinister enough so that he hardly noticed the glass embedded in his knuckles. You know if you ask you risk Ghost forcing you out, locking himself away only so ghosts can torment him in the silence.

So you say nothing, eyes lowering away from his coal-dark gaze burning into your skull. Gingerly, you reach for the medkit and turn on the desk lamp to see what you’re doing. Ghost wordlessly settles on the edge of his bed- his entire frame one gigantic line of tension from his fingertips to his toes. He looks ready to bolt at a moment’s notice, fleeing and leaving you in the darkness. One hand clenches tightly on his knee, gaze watching you like a cornered, wild animal.

Ready to bite at the first touch of kindness, like he doesn’t know the meaning of the word.

You snap on gloves and disinfect the tweezers before dragging the desk chair before him and silently getting to work. Questions burn in your mind as you pick glass shards from Ghost’s knuckles, fueled only by his eerie silence and inhuman stillness. Each tiny fragment catches what little light there is, glimmering like yuletide stars amidst an endless expanse of midnight sky.

Secrets linger behind Ghost’s dark pupils- tales of death and destruction of something he once held dear. Smoke billows from his mouth, the fires of carnage burning bright in the empty cavern of his chest. The soot settles around his eyes, darkens his gaze in mystery and the promise of retribution if you come too close.

Like a moth to a flame, you want to set yourself on fire in his stare.

For you too are burning up from the inside out.

Ghost’s hand is frozen still inside your delicate hold, like a wild animal caught between the jaws of a trap. Eyes unblinking, promising to sink his teeth in you the moment you make a wrong move. It’s slow work tending to his hand, cleaning the glass and setting it aside. Fresh blood stains his knuckles but Ghost acts like he doesn’t even feel it.

Whatever demons haunt him must hurt tenfold.

Though you don’t yet know what they are, you know you can understand. The emptiness and longing, the pain of wishing things were different feels all the more acute during the darkest days of the year. Memories wash over you during moments like rogue waves, and you have to brace yourself against them lest they sweep you out to sea.

Truth be told, you’re not sure what’s worse- the fact that you have family that’s alive that you wish you didn’t have, or the fact that Simon has no family at all. In some ways, you’re almost jealous. Maybe, if things were different, you wouldn’t be so haunted by the things you used to love.

��Almost done.” You mutter quietly, reaching for the disinfectant to clean the shallow wounds on his knuckles, and Ghost doesn’t make a sound despite the sting.

You swallow thickly before trying in a quiet voice: “Why is Santa’s sack so big?”

Ghost blinks, as if startled from a reverie of destruction that plays out behind his eyes.

Trying to keep your voice even, you manage to catch his gaze with a half-hearted smile.

“Because he only comes once a year.”

Silence, and Ghost’s eyes flicker with something real for the first time, something that if you stare for too long, seems almost fond.

“...Not bad.” He offers at last, and you grin.

It doesn’t take long to clean the wound and bandage it. When you’re done Ghost flexes his hand and inspects your handiwork with a nod. Though he doesn’t say anything else, you can see the thanks in his eyes.

You could choose this moment to press him, ask him what made him act this way- what ghosts haunt him so. Yet you know patience is they key to taming wild things, so you retreat carefully, quietly to the door. It’s there that you linger, looking back to where Simon sits on the bed, unmoved. He’s a massive shadow amidst the darkness, a slant of light cast onto him where he sits slumped forward, cradling his injured hand and lost in thought.

Words escape you. There’s nothing to be said that feels right for this moment. No reassurances or apologies or offers of kindness seem to penetrate the grave soil Simon has pulled down on top of himself. With your shadow cast onto his form you pause, swallow before offering quietly:

“Merry Christmas, Simon.”

You close the door behind you, only so you can lean against it and lose yourself in thought as Simon sits silent in the darkness, staring down at his bandaged hand and thinking how warm your touch felt against his own.

Some day, when things are different, Simon will tell you of the things that happened long ago. He’ll talk about that day- about Tommy and Beth and Joseph. He’ll talk about how it’s been so long he can hardly remember the sight of his mother smiling at him, but he can still remember her voice. He’ll share how he still blames himself, how things should have been different. He’ll talk about the scars you can’t see and how he’s still so afraid to allow himself to be loved because he can’t stand the pain of loss once more.

Some day, you’ll hold him close to your chest as he shares all this and more, listening until he empties his chest of grief and you sit in the silence, allowing his wounds to close themselves over. You’ll hold him as he shudders but doesn’t cry, feeling his bones tremble with the weight of the life he’s lived.

Some day, you’ll find the strength to share your own scars, tell Simon of the loss you’ve felt, and the betrayal that came with.

Before then, you’ll bend your head and kiss him, and wait until you’ve both made yourselves whole again.

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[snyderdenyer]

Clark Kent taking care of his baby :)

Most of my stuff is written while high, none of it is proofread, if a typo really bothers you feel free to point it out so I can fix it :) Made thinking of Tom Welling and David Corenswets' (is that where you put the fucking apostrophe?) superman

tw: Dumbification? Subtle DD/LG undertones (Kind of unintentional). NSFW under the cut (pussy eating! Nipple play!)

Clark Kent loves an independent woman. Well , a mostly independent woman. She's smart, handles herself well, and he knows he never has to worry about her when she's on her own. But with him? Oh well now that's a different story. Why would she take care of herself when her big strong boyfriend is there to do it for her? All she needs to do, all Clark wants her to do, is sit there and look pretty. Holding his hand when she walks with him, not paying attention to cars because she knows he will. Why would she keep track of her keys when she knows Clark will? He's lost count of the times she'll get up from their usual seat in their favorite cafe, leaving her phone, purse and coffee. It's not his baby's job to do all that, he gets to take care of her, and he wouldn't have it any other way. He stops on the sidewalk to tie her shoes, picks out her clothes; even orders for her, choosing what she'll get if she can't decide.

He loves taking care of her. It'd be cruel to do anything else, how could he make her do any of the work? He sits her in his lap when they watch movies, letting her lean back against him while he slides his hand under her shirt, gently kneading her soft tits, playing with her nipples while she squirms under his touch. "Stay still honey", he'll whisper in her ear, pressing a kiss to his neck while one arm stretches across her tummy, holding her against him. He lays her back on the couch, movie long forgotten as he slides up her nightgown, leaning down to suck on her nipples. Letting out soft chuckles as she whines and threads her fingers through his hair, legs coming up to wrap around him. "I know honey. Always so sensitive, but you can take it".

He kisses down her tummy, pressing a few into the pretty blue cotton panties she's wearing, the ones she bought because, "Look Clarky! They match your suit!", tongue darting out of his mouth, gently licking her clit over the fabric, letting out a groan as she pleads "Stop teasing Clarky, please?". And how could he ever say no to her? Tugging off her panties and laying back down, gently sinking his teeth into her inner thigh, the pressure barely enough to leave indentations, before gently kissing her clit. She whines hips rolling up, a silent plea for more. He speaks gently, kissing her thigh again: "Thought you were gonna be a good girl for me tonight?". She pouts at him, "I am! you're being mean." God she's so bratty, and he wouldn't have it any other way. He gives in, licking her clit the way she always fucking begs him too, the need to make her cum outweighing his desire to make her wait.

He puts one arm across her tummy again, holding her down as she squirms, legs closing around his head, sucking in a breath as he forces them open. "M-more", she whimpers and he eagerly obliges, slowly sinking two fingers into her, curling them gently against her g-spot. It's almost too much for her, back arching as she tugs on his hair, gasping as he flicks his tongue again. She's almost there, feeling that familiar knot build in her tummy, her breathing picking up and her body flushing with heat. "Don't stop! Please don't stop oh god!" her voice is higher, desperate as she pleads with him. He groans in assent, continuing his actions, curling his fingers a little faster, the familiar squelch that always makes his cock twitch in his jeans. He can feel her right there, teetering on the edge as she whines, before crashing over it. Her back arches and she cries out, her usual chant of "Clarky!" long forgotten as she struggles to even breathe, her thighs closing around his once more, trapping his face against her as she rides out her high.

She opens her thighs again, sighing softly, as Clark sits up, pulling her towards him and kissing her. The taste of herself on his tongue making her whimper into his mouth as he drags her into his lap. "M'sensitive" she pleas, only eliciting a condescending noise of sympathy from him; "Yeah I know. But you can take it, yeah? My pretty girl can take it, cause we're just getting started".

[kcrossvine]

"coastal american mutt" as a term for describing the experience of growing up in one of the coastal US states and also being so far removed from any personal ethnic/cultural history that isnt "generic american things" (you're technically italian but your parents are WASPs, for example) is very fun.

unless you grew up in either a major city or a distinct region (lowcountry, the gulf, new england, etc.) its easy to feel as if you "have no culture" when your community doesnt fill that void. when you were brought up on standardized commercial chains. when your culture becomes what brands you consumed. culture feels nebulous and amorphous.

i think thats why you have a lot of white people who do DNA tests looking for something they can anchor themself back to- and why so many people purposefully misunderstand the results. they want something to "reveal the secret connection to their people"' not understanding the cultural and capitalistic forces that steamrolled everyone else. stopping myself there because i dont want to get into a whole 4 hour ramble on atomization.

having a term for that experience is helpful in creating bonds across state barriers and letting people feel less isolated from the experience. it denotes the difference between being inland and being on the coast, which is thankfully something even most people know instinctively. its a cute lead-in as well, because if in conversation people will probably ask what the term means, and then you can choose to specify where you're from or just to say its a catch-all (if you have no fondness for where you grew up, or if you moved around a lot).

because truthfully, you do have a culture. its just recognized as the default in most conversations between people from inside the country. its like how americans will say "oh i have no accent", when the only possible way to not have an accent is to not speak at all.

it can feel like that culture is based only on consumption, which is the nature of the capitalist society we live in, but i urge you when being nostaligc to instead base it off of your experiences. don't let them buy your sense of identity

[shirogane-oushirou]

no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.

i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.

[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!

also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]

[poisonedfate]

Favourite moment related to Arthur now knowing?

oh, there's so much. all of it would be the easy answer. i really did like the way he went through so many phases of knowing, learning and recognising. i liked the way they portrayed his raw emotion and all the stages of such a reveal. i liked how he came to accept the idea, the absolutely crushing delivery of "i don't know what i would've done" when he asks why merlin never told him (perhaps my favourite line of all, i think). and i love merlin's "i didn't want to put you in such a position" (i need to gif that moment and talk about it in depth, there's so much to be said).

although they did not give us the realisation of truly all that merlin did for arthur, the way merlin's power was showcased throughout the last episode starting from a firey dragon to lighting fires to fighting bad guys - it was a nice way of essentially letting arthur know without sitting him down and monologuing a re-telling of his own life. their conversations as a whole were certainly special, every single one, all of it packed with more than could ever be said.

a lot is talked about the line "i want you to always be you", but i even thought it came a little out of nowhere. it's a very tangible shift in arthur's feelings and reaction. again, an argument is to be made that he's dying, but he has so much to consider at that point, so much, and yet he focuses so tunnel-vision-like on the reveal. he's lucid enough to keep it to himself, injured enough to let it slip, but either way, it's the single most important thing he could've said to merlin at that point. and you know he meant it with all he had. i still have a lot to consider with these two episodes and i will get around to dissecting them, but it's all a little tangled in my mind right now. for now, i'll stick with the idea/feeling behind the "i don't know what i would've done" line as my favourite.

[im-smart-i-swear]

How about Eenek's family for blorbo meme? If it is ok

hiii of course its ok!! had a lot of fun making these<3

thanks for the ask bestie<33

[scentedpeachlandcreator]

how i manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances + how you can too ♡

Note: this is not my post and it's blushydior's post that everyone been searching for, so i thought why not making it as a post,and blushy if you see this, please don't kill me i know you said that you'll change your post but you disappeared After that.

♡ table of contents:

1. the importance of making this post

2.my take on manifestation + the 3D

3. HOW I DID IT - my journey in 4 phases i went through that include my mindset changes up to the moment i got my desires 

4. your new rules & routine from this moment on

5. a note from me!

6. frequently asked questions: separated into topics regarding the 3D, self concept + miscellaneous questions to have you leaving this post stress free.

now let’s get into it. read every bit of this post “ ~ ୨୧ ♡ ·

I. THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING THIS POST

i’ve been through it all. you can read my experiences from old life in the “my life before” section of my success story + here, here, here and here. this is my success story on how the law of assumption has changed my life. as you can see from the “how” section of the post, i had purposely left it short, sweet and simple to avoid people complicating the simplicity of the law of assumption. but as time went on, anons and other blogs made me realize that since people do tend to over-complicate the law, the need i felt to make an in-depth post on how i personally manifested through my hard circumstances grew strong.

my blog often highlights topics that pertain to mental health, so i want to make sure those who find themselves in the same situations as i once were feel seen, heard and loved. you are all so powerful, amazing and hold so much potential more than you know. with this post, i hope i am able to help you realize that fact to the best of my abilities.

𝐈𝐈. MY TAKE ON MANIFESTATION + THE 3D

something that you’ll see me say all the time is: “life is a blank canvas.” that’s because it truly is.

remember that you are working with the law of assumption. what you assume to be true, is true. nothing is set in stone unless you say it is. things have meaning only if you assign it one.

you are the sole creator of your life. you are the artist that controls the brush/pen, you control what goes on and off of this very malleable canvas we call life. you don’t have to do anything. therefore,

you don’t have to: affirm 24/7, be specific, word your affirmations correctly, listen to subliminals, ignore the 3D, be positive all the time, meditate, have high vibrations, script, visualize, do sats or lullaby, go into the void, affirm in the present tense, avoid the mirror, etc.

you can literally say a random word like “bonk” and if saying it means you have all your desires or money is constantly filling your bank account, then that’s what will happen!

“but what if my subconscious doesn’t know what it means?” your subconscious mind is literally you. it’s not some stranger separate from you. if you want a scene to play out a certain way on a specific date or a romantic partner with all the most perfect qualities even if you can’t name it all at the top of your head, your subconscious has your back with the details! you have your own back. don’t worry.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO IGNORE THE 3D.

read that again and again and again and again and-if your circumstances are quite literally in your face, how can you turn the other way and ignore it? you could if you wanted but you’ll only be doing more harm and we don’t want that, right?

“so then what do i do?” you KNOW it’s going to change. it’s challenging when you don’t fully believe the law to know it’s going to change, so for a start, tell yourself that this is not the end. why? because the moment you had a desire and claimed it as yours, it has already been set stone in the 4D so the 3D has no choice but to reflect it. this is your movie, you KNOW this is not the end. you are director and star of this movie! you control how it’s going to play out.

𝐈𝐈𝐈. HOW I DID IT - The 4 Phases (more so, 3)

PHASE 1:

i found out about manifestation from tiktok. from there i have tried scripting, law of attraction and had taken a liking into the craft. i tried it all until i found out about the law of assumption, sammy ingram and finally, tumblr.

PHASE 2:

upon finding out about loassumption tumblr, i had learned more and more about the law but as time went on, i had realized i had never really fully tried to apply the law. the idea just didn’t come about to apply it. as many others, i had overconsumed information, always wondering if i was doing it right, questioning the 3D,

so i took a break. upon discharge, i realized many things and decided to spend an extended amount of time alone, away from social media. i’m someone who values alone time as long as if it’s spent wisely.

during this time away from tumblr and sns platforms in general, constantly surrounded by other people’s takes, information, and opinions, i had learned so much about the law of assumption on my own! i went into the law of assumption with a fresh mind, actually applying the knowledge and overtime of affirming and persisting, i ACTUALLY understood the meaning behind “creation is finished. it is done.”

i’m advising you to step away from social media (that on it’s own has negative impacts) and be alone with your thoughts. i know your thoughts haven’t had it’s time to be alone because you’re most likely constantly seeking information to help you. and i don’t blame you. it’s just that, you are always bombarded by thoughts that aren’t your own, you barely give some time to yourself to think for yourself!

and if you can’t help but be on tumblr for other reasons than loassumption, unfollow blogs for the time being, scroll past informational posts to avoid second guessing your application. tell yourself that

YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!

PHASE 3:

when it was time to apply the law, i simplified it. you choose what you desire, you affirm from your desire and persist. okay! got it. so that’s what i did. i affirmed whenever i thought about my desire, i kept saying that it is done! so in phase 2, i mentioned how i realized how creation was ACTUALLY done, right? before deciding to apply the law, i kept seeing posts saying that but i didn’t really fully understand it until the realization hit me during my time away from social media. (see? i love alone time. solitude is my bff) — here’s my breakdown for you:

once you decide a desire is yours to claim, THE SECOND you affirm that, in your head, imagination, your 4D, it is ALREADY yours. therefore, it has no choice to become physical reality. (this is why your subconscious only needs to hear things once in order for it to conform!)

it will always be yours for as long as you sustain that assumption (persist), it is yours! no matter what.

this is the meaning of “it is done.” it’s like telling a chef what dish you want, once they know what you want, they’ve got you covered. except that this chef is you. you know the details of your desire, you declare it’s going to conform instantly so why are you worrying? there is no need to worry.

informational post on the 4D + 3D here:

❝ If you judge after appearances, you will continue to be enslaved by the evidence of your senses. To break this hypnotic spell of the senses you are told, "Go within and shut the door,” The door of the senses must be tightly shut before your new claim can be honored .Instead of fighting against the evidence of the senses you claim yourself to be that which you desire to be. As your attention is placed on this claim, the doors of the senses automatically close against your former master (that which you were conscious of being). As you become lost in the feeling of being (that which you are now claiming to be true of yourself) the doors of the senses once more open, revealing your world to be the perfect expression of that which you are conscious of being. ❞

i kept time away from social media and being persistent really helped me be aware of my thoughts.

persistence has helped me:

be aware of thoughts that i wouldn’t have been able to catch before. for example, i was declaring that i have all of my desires and creation was done, but i found myself affirming “okay but where is it?” — this made me realize i was questioning my desires in my 3D even though i knew it was done in the 4D. (you don’t have to do this, you can imply your 3D conforms fast with whatever affs)

flip and interrupt my intrusive thoughts faster and faster the more i persisted. i hated my intrusive thoughts so much. like it was so annoying and hurtful. it was filled with replaying past scenarios that happened to me, things i wished had played out differently, just people who absolutely did not deserve the right to be occupying my mind and space! so i was grateful to learn that with persistence, i started to have less and less of those.

(see!! mental diet, persistence!! <3 this is how habits form and strengthen duhh. remember not to abandon common sense for the law)

AND THEN, PHASE 4:

i had entered sabbath, the state of the wish fulfilled, calm and relaxation that my desire has already manifested and there wasn’t nothing left for me to do other than persist. after so much persisting and saturating my mind with my affirmations, i reached being peace with my desires. i’m really glad i persisted. see how after persistence of assumptions, though false, will harden into fact? see how even your affirmations would feel “fake” at first but will soon feel natural to you? this means that i wasn’t questioning where it was, how long it was taking, etc. but this doesn’t mean i was ignoring my 3D. i saw it all but i knew it was going to change BECAUSE i felt peace in my inevitable desires.

then, i received my desires.

❝ I couldn’t possibly be worried about anything if I really believe that imagining creates reality. ❞

❝ When I speak of feeling I do not mean emotion, but acceptance of the fact that the desire is fulfilled. Feeling grateful, fulfilled, or thankful, it is easy to say, “Thank You,” “Isn’t it wonderful!” or “It is finished.” When you get into the state of thankfulness, you can either awaken knowing it is done, or fall asleep in the feeling of the wish fulfilled. ❞

𝐈𝐕. YOUR NEW RULES & ROUTINE

☆┆YOUR 3 NEW RULES ARE:

1, you have all your desires:

i have all of my desires.

creation is finished. it is done.

2. you manifest quickly and easily:

manifesting is always so easy and instant for me.

i always manifest within 2 days or less, the 3D conforms instantly.

the 3D instantly reflect my 4D.

the physical reality instantly reflects my 4D/imaginative reality.

3. you are okay because nothing can stop you from getting the inevitable:

everything is going to be okay because creation is done.

i am always aware of my thoughts. nothing can stop/get in the way of my desires.

no amount of intrusive thoughts, events and opinions of others have the power to stop my manifestations.

✉️: choose one affirmation from each list or make one of your own that makes you feel comfortable.

☆┆ROUTINE:

affirm on loop as an act of saturating your mind whenever you think of your desire until you feel satisfied,

in the morning, after you wake up: saturate your mind with affs.

read the manifesting vaunt below everyday (whenever you feel like it) — read it over and over again until you feel confident then go about your day!!

at night, before you sleep, affirm this:

“i kept all my thoughts in check today. i didn’t waver once. my mind is completely saturated with the new story.”

optional tip: if you want to saturate your mind even more as a start, you can set reminders with sticky notes around your space, have affs on your phone lock screen or wear a bracelet.

✉️ NOTE: soon enough, your mind will be saturated and you won’t need to do this anymore. this is just a start for those who battle intrusive thoughts!

let yourself feel any emotions that may come up because of your hard circumstances then once it’s out of your system, affirm your rules, especially rule #3!

do not consume any loassumption information if you know it will only cause you to second guess your ability. if you have the urge to ask a blog a question, try to make sense of what they will say and answer it yourself.

in times of doubt, remember that life is a blank canvas. your desire is set in stone, so your only task is to persist.

REASSURANCE VAUNT

creation is ACTUALLY finished. it is done. the second i claimed my desires as mine, it has already manifested itself in the 4D so it has no choice to present itself in the 3D! all i have to do is affirm and persist. i always have unwavering faith in my manifesting abilities and the law. i never fail. i am successful at every single thing i do. manifesting is so effortless. no amount of doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, intrusive thoughts or events can ever, and i mean EVER stop my manifestations. why? because i said so. this is MY life. i make the rules. so if i say i manifest easily, the 3D conforms instantly and that i have all of my desires, then it is a FACT. i’m literally unstoppable. everything i want is inevitable. my only task is to persist, sit back and relax as the 3D reflects my 4D. it all happens so fast, but what else do you expect from a master manifester like me?

SOMETHING TO NOTE:

most of the time, people think affirming on loop is saying it like a robot but what you don’t realize is that you’re affirming as if you’re reading a book. it’s not filled with enthusiasm but it’s not exactly monotone either. stop overthinking it. it’s like the voice you’re reading this post with. correct?

again, soon enough, your affirmations will feel natural and you won’t feel the need to affirm constantly. the routine above was given for those who battle intrusive thoughts, making your affirmations dominate to the point where you don’t waver.

QUOTES on STATES:

❝ I paid thirty dollars for my first suit. Today a suit will cost me $200.00, but regardless of the cost, when the suit is new I am aware of it. But let me wear it long enough for it to feel natural and I will no longer be conscious of it. The same is true for a state. You may desire the state of fame. If you will think you are famous and remain conscious of the state long enough to make it natural, as the thoughts flow from you they become a natural part of your body of beliefs, and the world will proclaim your fame. ❞

❝ I urge you to use your own wonderful creative power and deliberately move into the state of your choice. Make it now by occupying the state long enough so that it feels natural. Haven’t you had a suit of clothes that felt so new you were conscious of them every moment? I know when I bought my first suit I walked down Fifth Avenue thinking everyone I passed knew my suit was new. People passing paid no attention to me, but I was so aware, so conscious of my new suit. That’s exactly that happens when you move into a new state. If the state of affluence is new, you think everyone knows it, but no one knows or cares whether you are rich or poor, so walk in the state until it becomes natural. The moment the feeling is natural, wealth is yours! ❞

𝐕. ENDING NOTE

i love you. read that again. you can do it. read that again. i am so so so so proud of you. read that again! you are so strong, you have SOO much potential and power. it’s time for you to tap into it, angel. stop making excuses. stop telling yourself you can’t do it. stop the nonsense! you’ve dealt with your hard circumstances long enough, it’s time for you to turn to the person who can make that change (you) and make it happen. i’m really sorry you have to go through what you did. you certainly do not deserve the unkind treatment. give yourself a hug and tell yourself that this. is. it. you’re going to make the change. you know it and i do too. it’s possible. nothing is impossible for the person who believes! keep the faith in yourself. nothing can stop you.

it’s like those movies where the mc finds out they hold so much power. they doubt it because of the life they’ve had so far but once they give it a shot, they become the most powerful hero ever. you are that hero!!!

i love you and i am, again, giving you the biggestttt hug ever.

now, with that being said, @blushydior​ will no longer be taking asks regarding this topic. i’ve cleared most of the questions that could ever arise. you don’t need my guidance anymore after this post! im seeing you off now. i love you. stay safe. know that you’re loved and hold the power to change your life.

— kisses from bambi ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

ps. make sure you clicked the words that have links! <3 (the links are missing)

𝐕𝐈. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Something you wish you could’ve told yourself before you manifested it all to make things easier for anyone struggling:

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

you guys are beating yourself up for something so simple. take a step back and realize that. you’re already dealing with such hard circumstances, so why are you literally degrading yourself for something so within your power and reach? tell yourself everything is going to be okay. you’re always doing your best. you deserve the WORLD.

I could write a whole novel, combine all the posts on tumblr teaching the law of assumption, and every helpful ask out there but at the end of the day, YOU are the only person who could change your life. YOU make the call. turn every doubtful question to a positive one, when in doubt, turn inwards toward the 4D and know that it is real. it is done the second you affirmed it so.

SPEND TIME ALONE.

i can NOT stress this enough. i didn’t include the details of my time alone in phase 2 for nothing. you’ll see that you can answer your own questions. you’ll catch the thoughts you missed because you have always been so adamant on getting answers to questions you already knew. take a deep breathe and stay firm.

SEE WHAT’LL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T GIVE UP.

What did you affirm to get your dream life?

basically my affirmations i gave above and these. all i used were blanket affirmations.

What does persisting mean to you? What does persisting really feel like? Is it just like a mental diet? or what?

“persisting is sticking to what you want / the end no matter what you’re shown, told, and what you experience + picking yourself up after letting any negative emotions & thoughts pass by.” — blushydior from this ask here (sadly the link is missing:()

+ keeping your thoughts in line of the same category. to word this in a different way, i can affirm so many affirmations just as long as they mean the same thing to me!

“it also is a mental diet. we’re always persisting in something. it’s just a matter of what you’re persisting in. you either persist in your desire or negative/non-beneficial thought 24/7.”

“in your post about how you changed your life, you said you just affirmed and persisted. but from your other posts it seems like you read neville goddard books. so did you just affirm or did you do imaginal acts too? i get confused when people say “just affirm and persist” cause neville never said that.” (original ask here) (note from Eli: the link is missing).

“yes, i read his books and sometimes i would do imaginal acts but i would only do that bc it helped me get by my circumstances, yk? like if i was overwhelmed i would just daydream lol. its like how i read books to escape to another world. but i would say, affirming and persisting was what i focused more on.

i just used what worked for me and used his quotes as a reminder of the power of man. i didn’t want to bound myself to one’s teaching constantly worrying if im doing it “right” or not so instead, i went back to his quotes that consisted of telling me to persist, look inwards, finding confirmation in my imagination, etc whenever i needed a pick me up.

but correct me if i’m wrong, i’m pretty sure many of the success stories he shared consisted of people simply decreeing their desires and feeling the wish fulfilled simply by repetition and acceptance of their assumption.”

What is saturating your mind?

read about it here (the link is missing, but Basically it is repeating an affirmation every minute or hour until you feel fulfilled)

Do we have to believe our affirmations? Did you ever doubt the law in the process?

no, i did not believe my affirmations and YES of course i doubted the law but i kept persisting either way because what could i lose? and here i am.

Did you just affirm, persist, maintain a mental diet and that’s it? No SATS, going to the void, lullaby, repeating affirmations? Did you just got it sleep?

just affirming and persisting. sure, the occasional lullaby, i usually affirmed for 10 seconds max before i gave up. i couldn’t sleep without imagining some romantic scenario LOL #bambiexposed

How to deal with manipulation and narcissism?

remind yourself that you’re in advantage because you know about the law of assumption. life is a dream, you can literally have whatever you want just by affirming. if you know that, why allow yourself succumb to other people’s thoughts and beliefs? i couldn’t allow other people’s thoughts ruin my chance of living my dream life. the thought of it alone gave me the worst feeling.

How did you tackle the feelings of having no hope? + After being in the victim state for so long what did you do to get yourself out and actually stay out?

i persisted on loop whenever i doubted the law. i reminded myself that it doesn’t hurt to just be quiet, affirm and persist to live my dream life. just do it. you gain nothing from turning back to your old habits. see what’ll happen if you don’t give up. ❝ Do you always turn to your imagination and, no matter what happens, do you remain faithful to the state imagined? If you do, you have passed the test. But if every little rumor, doubt, or fear can move you around like a pawn on a chessboard, then you are not keeping the faith! ❞ ❝ Objects seem so independent of our perception of them that we incline to forget that they owe their origin to imagination.❞

What was the timeframe of when you got your desires?

about a week after deciding to be strict with self discipline, mind you, i was dealing with hard circumstances and intrusive thoughts for years. within this time span, i had entered sabbath so i immediately got my desires.

How did you kept a positive mindset when it looked like there was no movement?

refer back to phase 3

What was your affirming routine?

AT FIRST, when i started to get sick of overconsumption and not getting my desires, i knew my mind wasn’t saturated/my desires were not my dominant thoughts. so, i decided to be strict with myself. i reminded myself with pieces of paper in my room that said: ❝ PERSIST. new story only!❞ ❝ AFFIRM!❞

❝ 1.) the 3D conforms instantly.

2.) AFFIRM THE DESIRED

3.) BE LOT.❞

and taped them on the wall infront of my bed & one on my door so i can see it before i head out.

i didn’t need them anymore after a few days. (phase 3 & 4)

What did you do on all the days you woke up and things were still the same?

stop affirming that you don’t see results. i flipped the thought of “nothing’s changed.” to “i am in my desired reality, it is done.” and so on. be stern and remind yourself that you are in control. don’t fall prey to the 3D. turn inwards, find confirmation in the 4D. read quotes above.

How did you not react to the 3D?

i allowed myself to be angry. if i wanted to cry, i did. if i wanted to vent, i did. i ranted my feelings out in my head, aloud or in a journal then proceeded to go back to the new story after i cooled down.

But isn’t ranting “not letting the old story die out?”

you and i could rant until our minds are cleared, just as long as you flip my thoughts, you are on the right track. i ranted for 2% of my 24 hour days. the other 98% i was persisting in the fact that creation was done. as “time” went on, it began to feel more natural and i felt more at ease. i held onto that feeling because i knew this was when i would get my desires and i did. letting out and actually feeling your feelings is important. you’re not a robot.

Did you script how your life would be?

no.

(.𖥔 ݁ note from Eli: here's her post about her life before and After she changed it with LOA, anyway i wanted to make it in a post since the Google document can't let you make a copie of it and plus you can't take screenshots which René didn't allow)

[sttoru]

‘the king of curses doesn’t like sharing. especially not when it comes to his partner.’

☀︎｜tags. heian era!sukuna x female reader. sfw/fluff ? ig. set in the heian era, duh. jealousy & possessive themes. size difference (reader gets referred to as small!). tried to be realistic w/ sukuna’s characterisation so. . . don’t be surprised to read about him killing somebody. therefore, mentions of blood. reader is implied to have a fear of blood (dw sukuna takes care of it teehee). reader gets called 'brat'. not beta read; this sucks ass.

you were taking a stroll outside of the estate, the hem of the floral kimono you’re wearing lightly dragging along behind you. the weather was perfect with not a single cloud in sight.

a pair of silent footsteps follow yours and you sigh. even though it was an usual occurrence, you still aren’t used to having one of sukuna’s servants at your side at all times. your over protective lover insisted that it was for your own ‘safety’. as if anything or anyone could harm you whilst you stay within the four walls of the estate far up in the mountains.

sukuna is continuously busy and thus decided to assign you a personal maid that accompanies you and takes care of your every need when he isn’t able to. well - looking at the bright side of things - at least she tries her best to hide her presence from you. she tags along silently and only speaks when spoken to.

you stop near a sakura tree and tilt your head back to admire its beauty. after a few minutes pass, you hear a different pair of footsteps walking up your way. you turn your head and see a familiar male servant approaching you with his head held low.

his hands were holding onto a platter with a cup of warm tea and a few of your favorite delicacies. the brown-haired man greets you politely. maybe a bit too politely as his voice carries a bright smile, “good afternoon, my lady.”

you return the greeting with a smile of your own. it was like you to treat the servants around the estate with kindness and care — a total opposite of the king of curses. you take a pastry from the platter and look back up at the man, “thank you for bringing me these. i appreciate it greatly.”

the way you treat the ones of lower status has always been an admirable trait of yours. it might have stirred some forbidden feelings for you in the heart of the male servant. he knows that it was impossible - he’d seen how easily sukuna gets rid of those who get too close to you.

but, he isn’t here. the king of curses isn’t present in the current moment. the brown-haired male shifts in his place a little, fingernails digging into the material of the plate he was holding. he was going to do it — no one could hold him back. not even the maid who stood a couple steps away.

“y-you look very beautiful, my lady.” the servant stutters and bows his head at you. you are surprised to hear such a flattering sentence leave the lips of the man in front of you. none of the men around you had dared to be this straightforward in ages. they all knew the possible consequences that such actions could bring after all.

perhaps it was due to the absent intimidating presence of your lover. still, you can’t help but feel grateful. you giggle softly, covering your mouth with your free hand, “thank you so much.”

the male servant gulps at the sound of your laughter. ‘oh, how lucky the king of curses is - to have such a beautiful woman at his side,’ the man thought to himself. he was sure that he could treat you better than the indifferent sukuna himself.

he hesitates to continue the conversation for a second. there was an urge deep within him; to ask if you’d like to have some tea with him in the dining area. it would be extremely bold and maybe way out of line considering that you’re taken.

but, the way you reacted to his earlier compliment gave him a huge confidence boost. one that would sooner or later send him to his grave.

“would you perhaps be interested in joining me for a drink, my lady?” the servant asks and anything that happens after that instant, is all but a blur.

you can’t process the next few moments as everything happens way too fast. the last thing you remember seeing, was the servant before you. a sudden gust of wind passes by and the sounds of quick slashes fill your ears. you couldn’t figure out anything else as your vision gets blocked by something. or rather - someone.

a familiar and large hand covers the back of your head. the scent of the person holding you is also oddly familiar—a certain scent that made a shiver run down your spine from both excitement and light fear.

“sukuna?” you guess and guess correctly. your voice was muffled due to your face being smushed against his torso. you didn’t yet understand what happened, so you try to pull your body away from the king of curses, only for his grip on you to tighten.

sukuna’s face was as emotionless as ever. his eyes look down at the pile of blood near your feet — what was once a human being had now turned into nothing but a pure crimson liquid.

“foolish. absolutely foolish.” the king of curses grumbles, his tone filled with disgust. he doesn’t soften the grip on your body for even a moment. one of his four arms holds you captive against him, his hand firmly yet somehow tenderly cradling your head just above his midriff, “it seems that i cannot leave this place for a single second.”

sukuna glances at your personal maid who had been bowing to him the moment he appeared out of thin air. she could feel his piercing gaze on her and knew exactly what to do without being told: to clean up the mess that stained the garden’s pavement.

“sukuna,” you try to move your head again, but was still restricted. you let out a small whine in response. you just wanted to see your lover after spending an entire day without him. any thoughts about that servant from earlier had long vanished, “i want to see you. can i?”

the request is an innocent one. there isn’t a visible change in sukuna's expression, but the way you asked him that was quite. . . endearing, if he were to explain it. he would comply if it wasn’t for the literal bloodbath he created. which he doesn’t want you to witness.

“not yet.” he replies and effortlessly uses one of his arms to pick your small body up. your lover notices how you try to steal a glimpse at the scene behind you while he moves you around in his embrace. he grunts and gently smacks the back of your head, “no peeking, brat. do as told.”

sukuna knows how much you hate the sight of blood. he's being considerate towards you — even if you do not realise that just yet. however, he also does not have a single regret about murdering that servant. it was to be expected. anybody who dares to make a move on his woman should suffer his wrath.

plus, it's not like you don't know about sukuna's ruthless actions. you’ve come to get used to them; more and more male servants keep dissappearing without a trace after they’ve been ‘too friendly' with you. it's easy to guess who’s behind those disappearances.

it doesn’t bother you in the slightest. as long as you don't see it happening and as long as you get to stay under sukuna's care and protection - you don’t mind.

“can i look now?” you huff after sukuna has carried you away from the garden. the king of curses clicks his tongue at your impatience.

he sighs deeply before allowing you back on your own two feet, “i do not understand why you’re so adamant on looking at me, but fine.”

you waste no time and immediately open your eyes. your gaze doesn’t wander off towards your surroundings—it instantly settles on sukuna. he looked the same as usual; there was not a single change about his appearance and yet you find yourself smiling at the sight of him.

“i missed you.” you hug your lover and feel him returning the gesture a few seconds later. he looks the other way and may seem indifferent to your display of affection, though the man was secretly grateful for it. for you in general.

“mhm.” sukuna lets out a small noise of acknowledgment and that is all you get out of him. he doesn’t have to say much; his body automatically does the talking. he squeezes your body against his — your small frame disappearing behind his beefy arms.

the king of curses doesn’t understand why, but the way your eyes sparkle when looking at him, intrigues him. sukuna had never seen another human look at him like that before after all. they all cower in fear; except for you. you don’t show a single ounce of fear. thus why you are something - someone - he must keep for himself.

he has and will never have any intent on sharing you with anyone. you’re his, for as long as he exists.