#and even being reminded of this today
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Growing up in purity culture and heavy religion does a number on you, even years later. Being outside of it now and both embracing and experimenting with my sexuality, there’s always this lingering thought of this is wrong or this is shameful. And then there’s also the part that’s taught to women in purity culture that you exist to satisfy your husband and that you shouldn’t say no unless you want to be the cause of him sinning (cheating, porn, etc.). And even now, I still struggle to speak up for what I want and don’t want when it comes to sex and having people now who tell me that it’s 100% okay to say no is mind boggling (in the best way but still unfamiliar if that makes sense.) I’ve gotten a lot better at asking for what I need, but I’m still learning. I’ve gotten a lot better at embracing and celebrating my sexuality (in so many ways), but I’m still learning. Sex isn’t shameful. Being sexual or even hypersexual, or not enjoying it at all is all fine and isn’t some morality battle that religion has made it. Saying no is okay and boundaries and safety are necessary and should never be left out of the experience.
In short, fuck religion, fuck purity culture, fuck non-consent culture, sex is neither right nor wrong, it just is. And no is a whole sentence.
#mine#text post#I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately#and even being reminded of this today#and how much this kind of conditioning can still linger years later#but we’re learning#and I’ve met some wonderful people who provide a safe space for that#and idk lol just having thoughts 🫣🫣#fuck purity culture
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if you expect a driver to be world champion material (ruthless, ravenously ambitious, selfish, psychologically manipulative, killer instinct, able to be cold hearted to hypothermic extremes, competitive to the point of aggression, values winning more than anything and anyone in their lives) and also be a completely likeable person that is entirely a you problem
#f1#formula 1#reality check#it’s not that fucking complicated#this isn’t fiction#this is NOT FICTION#i hate to break it to you but real people are not designed for your perception#REAL PEOPLE ARE NOT DESIGNED FOR YOUR PERCEPTION#fucking hell#don’t like don’t watch#double standards#this is not an excuse for anyone’s behavior#it’s a reminder to lower your expectations#or set realistic expectations in the first place#how can you be a sore loser you’re not even the one losing#why is being a hater such a necessary part of being a fan#unfollow if you wish#this is about lando norris today#and max versrappen in 2021#and nico rosberg in 2016#and sebastian vettel in 2013#do you want me to keep going
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hi i'm alive i'm just struggling my way to happiness & productivity
#but i swear i AM going to achieve it 💪💪💪💪💪 even if my main strssor rn is being so behind on work again 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪#comms comms comms#wheee#tomorrow is my bday but today is CRUNCH day im gonna spend 6 hours minimum @ work and then maybe more#this year im gonna get medicated for my adhd but so help me god in the meantime i am going to try with my whole heart to use schedules#and planners and reminders and focus apps and music to put myself in a no distractions cube#AH#RAUH#who needs addy when i can just smoke a bit of weed and ignore bodily functions for a few hours while i work#wweheeeeeeEW#my art#furry#oc: cow#fursona#cowmic#sortta#idunno. an update comic#bc i feel like ive been leaving everyone in the dark and it feels Bad#also sorry one last thing.#FUCK paypal. fuck paypal forever and ever.
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they always just carryin him around like a bag of apples
(X-Men #19)
#xmen#xmen comics#charles xavier#professor x#and like. everyone else too ig vJARLEKJAKL#hi scott. hank. bobby. warren. ily#jean's too busy being kidnapped rn she cant join roll call </3#snap scans#its not even my scan but thats jsut gonna be my panel-posting tag ig#anyway. charles being carried >>>>#i always like it when they carry him .. idk why .. its just a nice detail ig#he gets carried around more by mimic in this issue but i like this panel the most#i was rereading old issues today just cause i felt like it hi. also cause i needed to remind myself of stuff for a joke im drawing#aka that wip i posted earlier. all will make sense in time As I Said In That Post jvawvLKAJvl#ok thats all i just needed to charles post cause i got stuff to do tonight so i cant draw him </3#tomorrow tho ... i will find time ...
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a lesson on good karma digimon survive week 2024 day 4: supporting characters
#digimon#gomamon#digimon survive#survive week#survive week 2024#rambling ahead. you don't have to read the tags beyond bc there's nothing that important tbh... you can just look at the art...#exhausted from being out and doing housework yesterday. then got a last-minute job with very urgent deadline today#finished everything but yeah basically i did anything but art so#irl do be like that aint it#anyway it's been a long time since i played survive and my memory isn't that good#but i always remember the part where we had to protect the gomamon#and later they showed us a path via the dam allowing the team to continue exploring#it reminded me of just how important it is to be nice and do good things whenever and wherever possible#and be mindful with the not-so-good things you do and say#be it good or bad. karma is real even if you don't know when it will get back at you#and you know in visual novel settings. whatever choice you make really determines what happens later on#yeah believe it or not i end up thinking stuff like that by helping a bunch of adorable seal mons...#mmm i'm officially behind now so i might as well take my time while also rest a bit haha ;;#this week has been fun with survive week tho fr. even though i came in unprepared (when will i change)#gotta keep surviving#png
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hiiiiiii friendly reminder to not go knocking on strangers doors and running away :)) or just doing that at all :) some of us have sheer paranoia that can render us stressed for time long after the action is done :) because you don’t experience consequences doesn’t mean you’re free to go around doing this like a fucking asshole. :). I know most people who’d listen to this don’t go around doing it but I hope that at least one person reconsiders doing this just to look cool in front of their friends. You don’t seem awesome, you just make it clear your an uncaring asshole and nobody will come to you. I hope karma does its thing. :)
#No because my fucking heart sank when some dumb ass kid just approached my home then harshly knocked#They ran away. Of course they did. I’d fucking deal with them should they have not. What cowards.#But fuck. I don’t like when my hands shake to the point of not even being able to properly hold a phone.#I still am thinking about it today#even tho it happened a day ago#paranoia isn’t a fucking fun thing#psychosis#schizoaffective#actually psychotic#schizo spectrum#actually schizospec#schizophrenia#ehhhhh just for the tags I’m unsure if I have schizo but like yk#paranoia#bipolar disorder#venting#mental illness#high school#college#student#dumbasses#schizoposting#reminder
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a slight continuation of this
no caller ID pops on your screen, pulling your attention away from your previous task at hand: not fucking up your eyeliner. you typically wouldn’t care if it was a little uneven, but you’re going on a date tonight, for the first time in so long, and you want everything to go as smoothly as possible.
which is why you groan when you end the call, and that same no caller ID pops right back up seconds later. you know who it is—who else would it be? you figured he’s already seen your story of being excited for going on your first date in a while, on the only app you hadn’t blocked him on. petty? perhaps, but it’s on him to be keeping up with you despite you cursing him out for wasting your time and then blocking him right after.
you watch it ring though, contemplating for a while longer than you should. you blocked him for a reason. no need to entertain his same shit that he always spews to you when he realizes that he might be losing you once more?
….but it doesn’t hurt to hear the hero beg for you.
“What do you want, Bakugou?” You sigh irritably as you finally answer his call, putting him on speaker as you go back to even out your eyeliner. You hear him huff on the other side of the phone at the use of his surname, but he doesn’t say anything about it, instead, quickly telling you what he’s been bothering you for.
“Who’s the fuckin’ loser that’s gonna drool over how good your tits look in that stupid green dress you love so much?” Bakugou grunts, and you instantly feel your face heating at his crude words. You glance over with a frown at that same green dress that makes your tits look good, where it hangs on your closet.
“None of your damn business, Bakugou.” You snap at him, wondering if it’s too late to find something else to wear. “Not like you ever took me out in my stupid green dress.” Your voice holds a level of bitterness that only he can bring out of you, and you hear his sigh through the speakers.
“I told you this before, I’m always—”
“Busy.” You cut him off, voice suddenly thick as you think back on the countless rejections he’s splattered at your feet every time you tried to further your relationship with him. “You reminded me of how busy you’ve been since you first started this whole situationship.”
“Situation—? Huh? We were dating!” Bakugou protests with a huff, and you can hear how he paces the floor quickly. You glare at your phone, setting down your liner to instead pick of your (his) favorite lipgloss.
“You’d have to ask me out to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to court me to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to make time for me and take me out on dates and not hide me to fucking date me, Bakugou.” You spit at him, venom dripping off of your lips in waves. You don’t know why you answered, why you even entertained him. You shake your head with a huff when the line goes quiet, eyebrows quirking up when your date sends you a text to make sure you’re still on for tonight.
“I’m sorry.” Bakugou mutters pathetically, his voice suddenly soft. You hesitate, for some reason, when it comes to texting your date back. Why do you always hesitate when Bakugou is around?
“Let me make it up to you, court you, and shit. I can take you to one of my favorite places, you can wear that pretty green dress and that gloss you know I love.” His voice is pleading, thickening and sweet and suffocating. You shouldn’t respond, should reply back a yes to your date.
“Please? You know how much you mean to me.” Bakugou mumbles, and you can hear the earnestness in his voice. Why haven’t you said yes to your date yet?
“I’ll do better this time. Just one more chance, sweetheart.” Bakugou’s voice is so soft, you’ve never heard him this vulnerable before. You sigh with a shake of your head, slumping back into your seat in defeat.
…
Sorry, I can’t make it tonight. Something came up. Maybe we can reschedule for another time?
#sorry this is kinda angsty lol#but I saw this tt earlier where this girl was so giddy bc ‘no caller id’ called LOL#and it just reminded me of the first part to this#at first he’s all ‘no we can’t date bc of xyz bullshit reason’#but the moment you’re like ‘I’m done w this toxic back n forth we’re not even a couple’#he’s like WE WERE TOGETHER THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!#delusion is what I like to call it#also he definitely takes you out to a place that’s very secluded and exclusive#to shut you up for the time being#the whole ‘at least I took you out!’ shtick#I hate him actually#but the toxic hate sex goes crazy ☝🏻#okay gn I’m sleepy and I felt so shitty today#or yesterday#so I’m hoping today will be better#maybe I’ll mediate before I start on my work#I wanna go on a walk sometime this week bc it’s gonna be great weather but my anxiety keeps telling me#that one of the stray cats or foxes is gonna attack me AKSJDKDJDJD#omg does anyone remember me talking about that calico kitty in my backyard at one point???#I haven’t seen her since and I hope she’s okay :( we miss her :(#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#bakugou treats! 🍬
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Don't let people tell you that the way you show love is wrong, either. Not everyone shows love in equal ways. Some people are quiet, or subtle, or aren't physical. And it's not wrong and never has been wrong. You know in your heart how strong that love feels, you don't HAVE to show it a certain way for that love to remain valid.
#positive#positivity#reminder#self love#zodori rambles#thinking about how I grew up thinking I was weird or came out wrong for not being physically affectionate today.#I didnt even know what 'love language' was until my boyfriend taught me about it like 2 years ago.
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Very important conferences.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#some real serious discussions goin on in this atelier today. dont u doubt it.#agott is the only one who has ever thought about this because she is a 12 year old lesbian and UMM..FRIEND? LIKE FRIEND? IS THAT..LEGAL???#this is all i drew today because silly things like this take hours lol. at least it's practice for poses -_-#i got the pattern of the girls' dresses wrong but i couldn't be bothered to change halfway through.#don't worry if you're like what is the naakiwan downs. is that name even mentioned in the main manga#ANYWAY i KEEP thinking about what if it's actually banned for professors and watchful eyes to date like that would make a lot of sense.#like maybe it should be banned. SO??? are they just low-key Aware of what the deal is and they're just Putting their feelings aside#until graduation??? take my tassel as an unspoken reminder of how i feel?? living together trial period?? this feels like it's truly it#When we're free to be together........ Sensei loves homophobia parallels without there actually being homophobia#Let's invent reasons why men cant be together. Ummm well whatever. i'm screaming in my head but it's fine.#this will probably form the theme of my orufrey for a while. i've thought of this before but for some reason today it's big for me.#i guess the tassels might not specifically be a part of that since they exchanged them before tower of books#and qifrey made his mysterious decision to be a teacher after that and..well whatever. I need more of backstory and just..everything?#But i also don't mind when vinanna interrupts my wishes with just a chapter of just being really dreamy? I love witch hat?
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sometimes i like to think that horror comes to dust's room late at night just to talk to phantom papyrus. no he doesn't wanna talk to dust. horror probably doesn't even CARE if dust's awake at the asscrack of dawn or rambling off to the hallucination too loudly this late at night because he just wants to talk to phantom papyrus
horror's not delusional enough to believe that phantom paps is actually real and his own papyrus like dust does but sometimes he really wants to,,,, so just for these short moments between them he wants to pretend that the hallucination is his papyrus. that he gets to talk to his own brother before everything went to shit and before he ruined his brother's life. yeah sure phantom paps kinda says some crazy stuff that horror's papyrus never would back then but so what?? dust's papyrus is the closest thing he's got and at least he doesn't have to deal with the guilt at even LOOKING at his brother's face (the sunken eyesockets,,,, the uneven teeth,,,,, yeah no) because there's nothing there. horror doesn't have to do anything but keep his back turned to dust and just talk to papyrus through him
they both keep their backs turned to eachother when they do this because neither of them can stand looking at eachother. dust especially because hearing horror sound so much like how he was before. horror sounds so lighthearted and relaxed and just,,,,, normal that it almost reminds dust of himself. maybe if he closed his eyes and tuned out his own voice he could just imagine the moment being a conversation between himself and paps back then before he had to kill him over and over. dust doesn't want to have to look back and see horror's mutilated skull and his permanently replaced eye. he doesn't want the fake scenario he's choosing to indulge in right now to be broken
and then i think they talk like that for a long time; because horror has a lot to say to paps about himself and what he regrets and dust has a lot of reminiscing to do on the good old days before he lost himself :3
#this one is a bit more SERIOUS than i expected.... no funny little triglycercule rambling today for some reason.......#i do really like this idea though. it seems like one of the only ways that horrordust would bond in a more canonical sense#no they don't fall asleep in bed with eachother after this. in fact horror doesn't even say BYE when he leaves#they just move on with their lives afterwards and pretend none of it happened#and when they need it most then they can drop their guards ever so slightly at 2:30 in the morning through a fake middleman#horror doesn't like being this vulnerable around dust but he knows DAMN well the other won't tell#dust has no reason to say a thing about their midnight chats. maybe he just doesn't like being vulnerable at all#and it's true that dust wouldnt tell anyone because tbh he gets to ask horror things he'd ask himself#maybe he'd lie a bit here and there about what paps said so he can ask something like do you regret it after all this time#just to see if horror feels the same way that he does even though they have different circumstances#to see if the most sans-like in his eyes of the 2(3) of them can understand what he feels and understands how it feels#horror regrets it too but he's here and he did what he did. dust almost likes that he has someone to relate to him tbh#sometimes he needs to be reminded that he should regret everything he did especially when he feels manic or just apathetic#he probably needs the reality check and if horror isn't the most grounded out of the 3 i dont know WHO is (low bar but he is arguably is)#ok time to turn this into the mtt! killer SO bashes them for these little midnight rendezvous#makes SO many remarks about how theyre really pathetic for practically roleplaying a conversation between sans and papyrus#SO many jokes about what the two probably get up to in there. so many jokes about how this is some weird kink probably#but in the end despite all the shit talking killer's never been part of one of these conversations#in fact he doesn't even go NEAR dust's room late at night due to this#he just cant he doesn't want to. because if he hears horror's voice being so lighthearted and joking#and dust saying words that sound so similar to what papyrus would say (maybe he's even imitating his voice)#it would upset him a LOT. or maybe not? either way killer avoids that area like the plague when horrordust chat#maybe he'd sit down by the outside of the door when he's FEELING. killer won't let himself believe in the delusion dust and horror have mad#but he can't stay for too long because then dust and horror start talking about regrets and their wrongdoings and now he can't listen any#but either way i trio-fied it and that's all that matters!!! this might actually be one of my FAVORITE ideas i've ever cone up with :333#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#tricule hc
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For the boys who cry. (Me).
I'M A REAL BOY BOY AND I CRY
I LOVE MYSELF AND I WANT TO TRY
(Lyrics from Samaritans by Idles)
Background with no text cuz i'm way proud of it
#forcemasc#eh im hesitant to even put it in tags cuz my hearts rlly not in it today but#my positive masculine affirmations i usually categorise alongside my more forceful forcemasc#so its ok i think. enjoy. and know its ok to cry and be emotional. shits rough sometimes#be a better man than our dads were eh? im always striving for that#this song very much is one i relate to as someone who bought into toxic ideals to try and be me#and then am slowly having to relearn what being a man can be to me without buying into the toxicity that poisons the male role models in my#life. cuz i dont wanna be my dad or step dad lol. n theyre the types who've said this shit to me bout manning up growing balls#and it feels even more rebellious masculine and powerful to me to spit in that and go no fuck you. im a real man and i cry#and it doesnt make me any less of a man or less tough or hard#or less able to partake in hard masculine spaces and aesthetics#i can be a man who cries AND a man who can leave a bootprint on your face to remind you where you belong hah#thats part of whats nice abt forcemasc is a kink space where you CAN delve into harder more brutal things while compartmentalising#that thought process seperately from yr non-kink worldview of emotional regulation and emotional health! or whatever idk lol
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You know it's dire when I start referring to Heathcliff with pet names.
#chief among them babe and baby because I DO NOT like those pet names whatsoever ... Heathcliff could call Sherry babe but baby is forbidden#but oughh ... I love him ... I've gotten so much done today despite still being sick and I think I should get a forehead kiss as a reward#I feel I've made a post/written tags about this before but he could call me any pet name (excluding baby) and I'd be fine with it#''love'' especially gets me though ...#he isn't even much of a pet name person in canon but I like thinking he calls Shery ''love'' after a few months of working together#^ applies to every Mirror World btw ... except maybe Sunshower/Rosespanner and Pequod#I think it's especially cute in the usual canon though because she's the only person he's ever called ''love''#and Sherry--who usually turns up her nose at any pet name or romantic advance--accepts it#he's a special case--and Ishmael and Outis make sure he knows it too /lh#r: remind my heart to beat 💢#scattered pages
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The lil 14 year old trans boy at my work said I was his favourite
#noop nooping#KIDS R SO FUNNY like u listen to them and then theyre like im gonna follow u around#IM UR MOM NOW. UR FATHER AND I ARE DIVORCED NEITHER OF US HAVE CUSTODY#HES SUCH A NICE KID#im giggling bc he and quinn had a connection when the kid first started but now in like 🤭 teehee my kid now#AND ITS EVEN FUNNIER bc quinn was like 'he reminds me so much of myself when i was his age. hes my son now'#BUT NOW IM THE PARENT. we're divorced. ITS FUNNY#i stole your kid and you stole my bestie. im influencing the queer youth of this conservative town im succeeding#when i first met him he came in on a day he didnt work and one of the reasons he was there was to meet me bc quinn told him about me 🥺#his parents are supportive so im rlly glad he has that#IM WORRIED ABOUT COMING OFF AS CREEPY TALKING ABOUT THIS but its just a nice feeling being a positive figure in some1's life#at my work its like microdosing helping ppl bc its retail. and the kid is there on saturdays. this is why i went to college jrmqmxjwkdgwh#i think the kind of social work i would enjoy most is peer support. if i ever want to re-enter the field#oh yea i think i saw my old supervisor today 😑 YUCKY
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september.time to begin my yearly aggressive repeated rewatching of the same 3 shitty horror movies that remind me of asmo
#OUGH AND ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES but thars not rlly horror.most of these r silly anyway#i have like a whole list of movies i associate w asmo now#even if theyre not necessarily like 100% him its like. theres a character that reminds me of him or it makes me wanna draw him or its got#similar aesthetics. waves my hand arnd#i lovee watching movies literally best activity#goodnight .zzzzzzz#took somant. forensic psychology notes today#ROCKY HORORR IS NOT SHIITY. its a woek of art i was being drmaamtic
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..
#nothing makes me truly reaffirm my commitment to being poly like the day after a rugby match#i love my bf. i love them wholly and truly for who they are. i dont want them to change outside of healing. y'know that being the best you.#but i dont want them to be someone else. so the fact theyre not a coddling caregiver isnt something I'm ever going to change in them.#they bring me coffee and check in on me and set reminders for my meds and tell me when they have to leave for errands with mum#but they always have to see to other responsibilities because they are that person.#and I love them for that. i love them for being a dutiful son and a pragmatic foreman who prepares for the week.#what does this have to do with polyam james you may ask? well ill tell you-#im learning as i have been for a while now#that as i am a chief caregiver for many ppl in my life including bf and now the ruggers (im a board member)#i deeply deeply DEEPLY want/need care when im in crisis or at a low point and theres no low point quite like post match#when your systems are coming down from adrenaline and everything fuckin hurts like hell and whats worse you're injured#im not good at being taken care of i acknowledge that. but to be coddled and handled with care rn?#have someone to sit with me and make me food and eat with me and help me stay tethered and hold me a bit and smoke with me#idk not even in a sex sense just to be held and cared for#thats why poly am is a thing for me. i love my partners and I dont want to change them i dont want to force all this on them#certain needs can be met by certain ppl in certain ways etc but love is love it is always love its just shown differently#as i was writing this bf called to say he was bringing home nonalc beer for me. i know he loves me. i know he cares. it's just different.#tbd im so very tired and achy and weepy today dont mind me#the match was great for the squad but im not thrilled with myself#hence wanting to curl up in a hole and not come out
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speaking of yearning. god i cannot wait (like literally) to go home with the cat. it will make my whole life better… like all of it
#ive been So off today (no spoons. foggy. everything aches.) and i keep thinking… if the cat was keeping me company all of this would feel -#- so so so much more tolerable#hes the laziest sweetest cuddliest little guy and he would spend all day with me in bed so long as i didnt stop petting him#just the feeling of another little living creature There. just the warm cat presence. just that comfort#and the routine of taking care of him… heres something i have to do. heres a little living being that has to have food morning and evening#heres a little fluffy guy who needs you to brush his fur#heres someone who might wanna go out and sit in the grass even if youre feeling ugh about it#basically. i think the responsibility of taking care of someone else will make it easier to take care of myself too#what is feeding the cat if not a reminder that i need to eat#what is brushing the cat if not a reminder that i might have some hygiene to take care of#yknow#and also holding and petting and scratching cat is the cure to any physical ailment truly#z talks
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