#and dont even get me started on the rest of them
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Se-mi getting jealous over a guy talking to her and fucking reader with a strap roughly till the point that he heard it🙏
Se-mi x f!reader
Non squidgame!au
Smut
Warning: degradation, public sex?, spanking and maybe more?
That's not how the night was supposed to end, it started with a party between friends over at your house, and of course you had to invite your girlfriend.
And now, you end up over her lap, almost naked, only a bra and your soaked panties to cover you.
"I'm going to teach you, letting a guy flirting with you in front of me uh?"
You felt her rough hand slapping your butt, making you arche your back. As much as you love her sweet and soft behavior, there's something more about this side of her.
Her hand brushed against your panties, feeling your arousal through it, it's almost embarrassing how wet you are from only some spanking.
"You aren't supposed to enjoy it, it's supposed to be your lesson, and yet here you are, your cunt soaked wet already, aren't you a whore for me ?"
Se-mi's thumb rubbed against your core, and only a single moan came out of your mouth as an answer. She waited, and seeing you weren't going to answer, she gave you another rough spank.
"Answer."
You feels her hand rubbing your ass where she just spanks you, it hurts you so good.
"Yes Se-mi, y-your whore."
She scoffs and smirks, she knows she gots your wrapped around her finger in this kind of moment.
"Exaclty."
She throws you on your back on the bed, making you whine. Se-mi pulls your panties down, looks down at you and almost letting out a moan at the view ; you were laying, your legs wide open, lips parted apart and eyes almost close.
Se-mi bent over you before caressing your cheek. The gentle action made you surpised, but it felt good, everything that she does feels good.
"I'm gonna fuck you so good."
She whispers and lean down, kissing you, so softly, like she was scared to hurt you.
She pulls away and slide down her hands to your thighs, spreading them wider.
She looks up at you, making sure you were ready, even if she wants to fuck you hard, she wants to make sure her girl is okay with that.
"Am ready.."
You mumble, she didn't wait before thrusting her strap into your pussy, making you moan loudly, a smirk drawing on her face.
She pulled out before thrusting back in, making you moan louder.
"Take it"
She groaned, one of her hand gripping on your hip and the other sliding on your nipple, pinching it, trying to overstimulate you.
"Se-mi.." She bite her lips before pulling your legs up, trying to take you deeper.
"Louder, moan louder, make sure everyone know who you belong to"
You moaned, she was rough, and you love it.
Your hand reached down your clit, trying to touch yourself but you quickly felt her hand slaps yours. She wanted to make it hard for you.
Your moans started to get louder, now you were sure anyone in the next room could hear you, and the bed banging at the wall.
"Come on, cum on my cock, show me how good you are for me."
Her hand that was previously on your hip goes to your clit, rubbing it, now just trying to make her girl cum.
She sees you buckling your hips, and this time didn't stop you, letting you take her deeper.
"Se-mi! I'm-" You let a high pitched moan and soon enough you were cumming all over her strap.
She kept thrusting for a bit before pulling out, caressing your thigh before kissing your forehead.
"You did so good, as always."
She lays down next to you and take you in her arms as you rest your head on her chest.
"Next time maybe don't let some random guy flirting with you uh? Or do you want me to do that again ?"
An: Well there we go, i dont know if it's good or not I really hope it is, reminder that requests are open, principally writing for Se-mi and Sae-byeok
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I wonder how much Splinter picks apart the memory of Donnie crawling to him and asking for guidance that day.
How apologetic he was for interrupting Splinter at all. The questions—are you mad at me, do you think I’m selfish—and how genuinely childish and young they were in nature. Whether Donnie would have told him what had happened if Splinter hadn’t interrupted him. How long it took before Donnie came to him for help. How when Splinter asked “Are you sure you have not upset them?” the answer was “Maybe, I think so.” “Have you done anything to make them angry with you?” and even with what his brothers had done to him, what Leo had done to him, Donnie still said “Probably.” Agreed when Splinter said they had a reason for treating him that way.
He had the same conversation with April months later, and yet the seeds of it had been here, too—had been there years before.
sometimes i am caught between feeling so bad for splinter and kind of hoping he internalizes the way he brushed him off for of the rest of his life. there's a good chance he will think of that conversation EVERY time donnie reaches out to him looking for a savior or protector, especially after april leaves and he's the only "safe person" in the house when donnie cant think straight.
in an attempt to be unlike of HIS oppressive family he went the opposite way and went for a more relaxed style of parenting, and he veered too hard in that direction and COMPLETELY turned a blind eye to such horrifying abuse happening. it kind of reminds me of like turtle dega nights where he's so shocked to realize the shit they just get up to. for like. fun. he's NOT in a position to shelter them without pushback and he understands that now, which is a big reason he leaves them to make their own decisions when it comes to kitsune.
its hard to find a line between acknowledging theyre independent in a way he cant really stop and need to be treated with that respect and acknowledging theyre children! just kids! his baby boys!!! he's so used to seeing them silly and unserious around him that he hasn't properly processed the weight of his passive neglect until all of THIS blew up in his face. and i think that's best shown through him dismissing donnie. they mostly fell out of conversation after that point, but im sure they exchanged a few words sometime in between (for the sake of realism, its something to acknowledge) and i think splinter would think of that a lot too. why didn't he notice donnie was starting to look up so beat up? getting thinner and thinner? just disappearing during leo's birthday?? staring through him whenever splinter shot im a quick hello on the way to the kitchen??? originally that conversation weighed on the back of his mind already (because i dont think donnie comes to him for comfort like THAT much, technically i think in cc that was usually leo's job. rooftop conversations and all that), but obviously he wouldnt correlate it with any red flags now. just like how april didnt WANT to assume they were doing anything wrong because the four of them were so close, malice just didnt feel like a REALISTIC thing to expect from them and they were acting normal to her!!
cannot even begin to imagine how he was feeling in cw ch1. hearing about most of what they did and seeing how tiny and roughed up donnie was is one thing, and seeing him cling to his robe and inconsolably sob and scream for his daddy is another. splinter probably cant help but wonder if this is what donnie had wanted the whole time. cant help but wonder if he would have reacted like this at ANY point before it all got this far. all he had to do is reach out, for once. to ask HIM if he's okay, for once.
and he didn't.
#ask#canary continuity#ive had a proper conversation between splinter and raph planned out for this next chapter for a While#i might have it start with mikey though. because i should probably address mikey being mad at his dad now that he knows lol#i'll see how it turns out#cw abuse#cw neglect
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I love that everyone in TMA is just. Unremarkable. Jon isnt a heroic character; he's self-loathing and depressed and he exhibits the same self-pity as I do when I'm self-loathing and depressed. He doesn't stand out for his strength of will or quick-thinking or virtue. He's a good person but he stops trying to stay human when it gets uncomfortable. He's everything that a regular person is when theyre trapped in a horrible situation and it's ugly and insufferable and Real.
#and dont even get me started on the rest of them#martin is jealous and petty and manipulative#and look at his life— look at his mother— of course he is!#basira would never do the things daisy does but she's perfectly content to look the other way and ignore it#and she does the same thing in the archives— the world is ending and she hides away with her books and pretends it's none of her business#and oh god MELANIE#like#it really drives home tim's point that all you need for the fears to ruin your life is just bad luck#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#jon sims
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there he is......the man of the house
#mine#ough hello not posted in a while!!#im busy doin portfolio stuff so . not much cat drawinign going on THO i will. hopefully do one tomorrow hehe#i was gna get stickers for my next shop update but its hurting me head so. gna order new prints hopefully!! this week and then#do stickers n postcards next time. i am so low on stock sihfdkggwe#need 2 buy envelopes also....my least favourite thing 2 spend money on#what hve i been up to ....i made a blanket!! maybe i will post picture. it was gna b a cardigan i started it like last year#n then i went 2 sew it together n was like. this pattern is insane also this wool is too thick so. blanky :)#its very good. good lap blanket!!#what else what else....been re reading lotr. im reading it on ebook i lov ebook sm. i love printed books but i jus absolutely cannot#read them. dyslexia gang rise up !!!!#im reading it so much quicker tho n also actually remembering it ....would die for gimli#also started rewatching cr2 >:) i dont . actually like th new campaign so KSDFKJDN rewatch it is#even tho i dont like molly. not that thats gna b an issue for long sifubshbhebwj#im so seepy...so cold.....gna rest now probably n play skyrim hehe#cat drawings tomorrow >:)#okay bye
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i think it'd be rlly funny if ravage and minimus hated each other btw. the only reason they get along is bc of their mutual connection to megatron. and even that isn't enough sometimes lmao
#transformers#maccadam#maccadams#transformers art#tf art#transformers fanart#tf fanart#transformers idw#tf idw#idw tf#idw transformers#idw1#tf idw1#ravage#tf ravage#idw ravage#mtmte ravage#minimus ambus#minimus#ultra magnus#technically?? eh#i actually have a lot of thoughts about these two and WHY exactly they dont get along. and its both because they are way too different and#way too similar to each other.#and its not even outright “hate” on minimus' end tho its definitely more spiteful from ravage's#they are soo interesting. to me. i need them to fight#and im not a a mini/megs shipper but it gets even funnier under the context of them being together. ravage is SICK of all of his con friend#hooking up with autobots.#stares into the distance. two people who are constantly in the shadow of the people around them and have only recently started being seen as#their own individual people. mims being seperared from the magnus title and dominus both and ravage being seperated from soundwave and the#rest of the decepticons.... theyd have so much to talk about if only they could fucking tolerate each other
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if i could fly is an entire ode to love. i swear to god. like. you are fucking telling me that if you could fly (a superpower mostly known for being sooo desired and having endless stories and fantasies about what would be like to have it) you would be going right back to the person you think of as a HOME (a word that has been forever connected to the concept of safety, peace, sweetness and well-being) ????? its too personal and intimate for me to hear i feel like im interrupting something guys
#i lov u larry#AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE REST OF THE SONG#if harry could fly he'd be going right back home#to louis.....#one direction#larry stylinson#larry is real deal with it#still strong#1d#louis and harry#always#yep#them: peak of love#them: my heart is at home
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i love making gijinka designs 💗 but i got so into my usual groove while drawing that i completely forgot skin colours do Not work like that in antonblast... not to worry i made them some wacky palettes too
#antonblast#bossbusters#brawlbuster#tallbuster#smallbuster#maulbuster#jewel ghoul#freako dragon#ring a ding antonblast#kriz kunst#doodles#and also greg and matilda. does anyone care about them. bc i do#body horror#ask to tag#i cannot stress enough that i LITERALLY forgot that skin colours in AB arent just beiges and browns#until i coloured anton for that bossbuster doodle page. and that was the last thing i drew#before this little like. running in a line pic#just so i could give them actual antonblast skin colours#allthough the rest of their palettes could really stand to get adjusted more too#but i am very tired and need to get up in abt 6 hours again#i gotta sleep#but also really wanna finally post this#and dont even get me STARTED on freako dragon. turning that design into a human was a NIGHTMARE
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each other's world, torn apart
minecraft end poem as a conversation between two broken brothers.
(@hoverboards-and-dragons heyyyyy)
#help me i fear i will be attacked for this#i said 'hey ive done something' to arrow and gave no context#great start notos well done#but yeah i read the end of the poem and just. imagined them talking to each other / reuniting in some strange way with this#and i needed to get it out. since i should be asleep but who cares brainrot sure doesnt#trying to make the fact i tag arrow every time seem casual like hey. its me again. you knew this was coming but hi.#arrow's archangels#hazbin hotel#hazbin lucifer#hazbin michael#notosart#drawing session scribbles#dont look at me i had to check the poem order like 20 times before being confident enough to post i do not trust myself#ignoring all the rest of the poem btw. just. the conversation at the end. i must blorbo-ify#sorry if this is weird it will happen again#cheers to my scribbling handwriting. even more if you can read it lmaooooooo
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Hey if you're a white person (as I am too!) and reading the stuff about End OTW Racism (@end-otw-racism) is making you uncomfortable CONGRATULATIONS THATS THE POINT bipoc have been uncomfortable in fandom for decades and some of yall can't face being uncomfortable for five seconds and still have the gall to have shit like BLM in your descriptions.
Put your money where your mouth is. Be uncomfortable. Actually read what they're talking about and what changes they're proposing instead of jumping right to BuT wHaT aBoUt My DaRk FiC (they want to protect your dark fic and help ensure you're safer from harassment over it!)and ThEy'Re PrO-cEnSoRsHiP (they are explicitly not).
I'm so fucking tired of having my posts and those I reblog on this topic largely ignored on my personal account, but ESPECIALLY I'm furious about how ignored posts on racism in fandom are when I put them on the danmei art sideblogs.
I see racism every single fucking DAY as part of running those accounts. This isn't some nebulous thing happening elsewhere, this is us!
If you don't care, I really need you to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself WHY DONT I CARE?
Because YOU SHOULD FUCKING CARE.
#unforth rambles#end racism in the otw#end otw racism#i was already at my breaking point on this issue a month ago when i started talking more about microaggressions in the mdzs tag#now seeing how impossible it is to get people to give a shit ive moved to fucking FURIOUS#WHY ARENT MORE PEOPLE ANGRY I DONT UNDERSTAND#(i do understand#its racism taking rhe form of complacency and disinterest#from people who have the privilege to ignore it because it makes them uncomfortable and doesnt harm them directly#im honestly gettibg so disgusted#do better white fandom)#im a jewish white woman with biracial kids#it horrifies me to realize that im genuinely not sure if the circles im in would be safe for my half black kids to join#im genuinely not sure i can let my kids join fandom when they get old enough#for fear of what they'll be exposed to here#do yall even realize what a fucking indictment that is?#note this is mostly not aimed at my mutuals#yall are awesome and ilu#but i only have about 75 mutuals#what about the rest of my 1900 followers like wtf guys
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oh my fucking god i feel. SO stupid rn at How i didnt make the (super sane very normal just absolutely. Yes. Surely) connection earlier but uhh
so anyway im now like 89% certain that whatever the "traces" of the narwhal that remain on ajax and facilitate their (ever-growing) innate connection are like. an actually fundamental aspect of it (them?) more or less.
why? because if you consider its pov just for a moment. the narwhal was literally about to depart teyvat for good. it had nearly finished consuming the primordial sea and preparing to breach surface to finish the job by eating the french for the leftovers their human bodies were made from. its an interstellar voyager it does not linger on planets it devours. it goes glug glug and it leaves.
and like if it wasnt for traveler intervening its confirmed through narzissenkreuz and renes world formula that teyvat wouldve just been destroyed. no one could have stopped the narwhal not neuvillette not focalors not anyone.
so what was the one other thing it did right before going for that french brunch? calling for ajax. getting them reunited in the primordial sea. like all the possible implications aside bc theres many different ways to speculate on the exact reasons why and the nature of that link. the point remains.
it wasnt leaving teyvat without finding him.
like the narwhal is about to fucking Dip from this cringe planet and whatever part of it that ajax carries within himself his narwhal Absolutely wanted to be reunited with. what the fuck am i supposed to read from that. hoyo???????!??! answers?!?!?!
and its not only the calling from the narwhal side itself either bc this is ALL coinciding with the growth of a 'restless power' within ajax and his vision malfunctioning (the things celestia is literally confirmed to harvest energy thru to repair its damaged authority) and his connection with the narwhal reaching an actual conscious level (arguably subconscious n emotional too bc i find it Curious his mood is poor right as the narwhal is repeatedly described as positively malding to the point its boss fight mechanic is literally a rage meter). ajax' power is growing. his destiny is starting to shift and something is drawing him to fontaine... right as the narwhal is getting close to finished with the primordial sea. funny how it overlaps eh. how it aligns 🤨🤨 why are they orbiting each other like this (they should kiss)
(& not to even Mention how ajax just Happened to get that absolutely exponential and borderline unbelievable feat of power spike in extending his foul legacy endurance as massively as he did. while. within the primordial sea. with his narwhal. who had at that point all but incorporated the power of that sea into itself. i s2g if childe was getting passive home turf co-op bonus exp with a 4x multiplier automatically the whole 40+ days 💀💀)
#man the way its lovely reunion but tjen ajax fucking ATTACKS IT ON SIGHT you couldve gotten married!!!!11!1 fucking unbearable i am in agony#anyway contrary to popular belief we still have no fucking clue whether ajax' link to the narwhal was innate#skirk saying the traces remain on him after meeting it isnt saying tht much. the parts he shares w it couldve well been innate but dormant#instead. also just the fact that he woke it up already shady#then like. monoceros caeli being his from the beginning is completely plausible despite ppl acting like its been confirmed his const change#and like them being halves of the same entity on some lvl would make the narwhal being so weak without him n until ajax found it again#make very much. sense. anyway ajax toxicity jokes aside if the narwhal was just trying to eat him point blank without even a hello#i do get why hed react aggressively. but also bros been telling everyone n their mom hes fighting his narwhal the seconf he finds it again😔#so i feel somewhat confident in assuming he started that 40+ days brawl#anyway if ajax Isnt the celestial narwhal on some level or possibly becoming it as their link grows.#riddle me this atheists. why is his 3rd phase boss theme. the song about His individual murderous rage at us#bc he thought he was outplayed by us. His personal wrath#whys the song for that called the wrath of the celestial narwhal. of the star swallowing whale. Hmmmge. his individual rage.#why does tusk of monoceros caeli speak of him embracing the narwhals innate qualities as embracing mere parts of Himself#funny how tjat goes!! (the OST n boss drop is not 100% serious theory but it does drive me insane. bc why would they phrase it like that)#anyway either theyre 2 halves same original entity or theyre soulmates idgaf . they should fold teyvat in half and eat it for brunch#aaand im going to be consumed by this realization for the next month wish me luck#WHY DID IT NEED HIM THERE SO BADLY???? HUH??????#i mean relatable dont we all. but its sooooooooo inch resting. Curious indeed#rambles#genshin#childe#childeposting#narwhalposting
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺️)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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we lost the game but i won in looking cracked in front of strangers so did we (i) really lose (yes)
#overwatch#overwatch 2#hanzo#potgs#im tagging my potgs now because im a loser and the potgs ill share will prob have some stupid silly story with them#also this was just kinda sicko ... i dont have friends so im sharing my ow highlights with tumblr ...#maybe ill actually start switching up my highlight intros then if im gonna start sharing potgs ... gotta mix it up and all ...#this is a lie the only thing that will change is the skin i use i love the cupids kiss highlight intro too much. so silly ..#>says he barely uses the cupid skin >is using cupid skin#LISTEN I ACKNOWLEDGED HOW LITTLE I USED IT also i didnt get the drake master skin and i like being thematical with my skins for maps ..#cupid's gonna have to be our next best bet for. medieval germany JVLAERKJVKLJ#I DIDNT KNOW DRAKE MASTER WAS A SKIN IT CAME OUT WHEN I WAS ON HIATUS AND ITS SO COOL IM MAD#not like id be able to get it anyway probably but still ... its the principal ..#anyway Disgusting idk what demon comes over me durin shit like this im not this consistent#AT THE START OF THE MATCH TOO I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW WE LOST THE FIRST POINT AFTER THIS#LIKE WE DIDN'T EVEN CAP- THE TEAM WAS WIPED AFTER THIS I GOT THAT KIRIKO AND SOLIDER A LIL AFTER THSI#i exhausted all of my bullshitting energy into this clip and fumbled the rest i fear#i still appreciate our zen saying i was insane tho ... ty king ...
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im so infinitely stressed rn i need to get off here
#camera talks#fuckkk#sighhhghsghg#sorry yall im like. on the verge of tears#this is genuinely like. the start of like 'the rest of my life' year and its. not looking like a good 4 years at all#i have to change my gender marker on my license back (safety. my states not red but its not Good either) and like.#i was already planning to at this point but its hitting me how much it meant to me to have that piece of me be like. known ? ig??#and i feel lucky that my name is already legally changed and its a fairly neutral to masc name so i think im fine#but like. do i really have to go into my job field like this? will i have to not be trans for the first 'real' steps of my life?#im fucking. upset#and im so so angry#i dont feel like i can look to HRT or surgery in my future rn#and i Know we're going to get through this#but like. im so tired of being unknown and hidden but its not like i can do anything about it now or ever anyways#like im already misgendered all the time so it doesn't Matter i guess#and very little people know of my relationships in the grand scheme of things so i guess im just going to keep keeping those hidden ish#but i dont Want to ! i want to be proudly queer and in love because i Am !! so like augh i dont know#im just so so upset#being queer is Me and i hate having to hide this part of myself for so fucking long#no wonder i related to old queers writing and stuff. augh. im thinking about them a lot. lots of them got through this#lots of them had lives they were proud of for the most part and i just hope i get that too#and im not even good at passing as cis or straight i dont think#like. im not going to try to that badly but as much as i dont pass for transsexual im easy to clock as weird gender#and fucked up mentally ill and aughghh#i dont even want to think about not getting mental health and disability resources#okay whatever im logging off or at least shutting down tumblr now#im just scared and worried i guess. i dont know#fuck
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Having to micromanage your entire physical battery day in and day out is so exhausting, especially when your ability fluctuates without rhyme or reason with every single day. I'm starting to have to reframe how I view and tackle my task lists because otherwise the grief and frustration becomes so much that I get nothing done. I'd love to complete the entire list today, but I'm gonna have to limit myself to ticking off two tasks just so I don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to do anything later...
#and even then thats no guarantee since i could feel super sick later without warning#OR maybe i feel superdupergood and can do them all no problem and THEN some#but then i also have to prepare for being bedridden after if i dont keep track of how much energy i burn#the event horizon of which ALSO changes daily lmfao#meanwhile people assume youre lucky or even privileged for this#as if being homebound for your safetys sake and spending most of the time being unable to really do anything#is anything worth envying. people assume youre resting when frankly youre just keeping your face above the water#i dont have a choice either. i gave up all my dreams and ambitions just for the sake of trying to survive for once#i WANT to have a life i WANT to have the power to be independent and not be at the mercy of others until the day i die#god sorry URGH its so hard to not feel sad and hopeless and almost bitter about this sometimes#its so hard not to feel alienated and embarrassed by the fact that you practically live in a different reality to people#people whose lives revolve around careers and working to the point where they cant comprehend you as a disabled individual#and what that means beyond the assumption that being chronically ill and overall impaired is a choice and moral failire#whether or not people are aware of that baseline assumption concretely#and i feel stupid and annoying for whining about this when i have so much to be grateful for#just. guhhhhhhhhh idfk. i SHOULD get started here but i can barely move out of bed#exhaustion is killing me i miss going on daily walks my house feels like a prison#i need to stop moping im already spiralling lmfao#trying not to close my eyes lest i pass out yet again despite having gotten more than 12 hours of sleep#cause apparently to my stupid body thats not enough to even stand up#silvi talks
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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Put your cloths back on i lied. we'er going to talk abt how badly toxic bkdk fans have been treating other shippers since the end of the manga just because their ship got more attention then the others
#they have been so annoying oml#like they where NOT this bad before#and there sertenty wherent this meny.#just becuse your ship has more screen time does not mean that it is better than other ships#and i feel bad for all the normal bkdk shippers who have had to been dragged along the rest of them#dont even get me started with how badly they have been treating krbk and tddk shippers#dear i say they are worse than toxic izuocha shipper cuz like#im used to most izuocha shippers being toxic#but like seeing a bkdk shipper being toxic has to be worse#any way here are the normal non ranty tags#bkdk#mha#fandom spaces#mhatwt#mha tumblr#izuku midoriya#bakugou katsuki#toxic shippers
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