#and don't get me wrong i love the way chuck's story ended

[rosenclaws]

Come back (erased part ii) || Logan Howlett x Reader

summary: Logan doesn't remember you but he can sense you. He can tell you were someone important so when the team hatches a plan to find you he's the one leading the charge.

warnings: she/her pronouns, violence, killing, blood, reader gets hit/threatened, mental torture, injuries, logan goes feral, illusions.

wc: 3.5k

link to part 1

a/n: Part two is here!! Finally omfg im sorry this took so long. I hope this is a good part two i had a fun time writing the angst and stuff. It maybe ended a little darker than I meant but oh welll. We love some angst. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

The sound of the grandfather clock echoes in Logan's ears. The faint sound of students walking around the halls, playing outside. All drowned out by the clock. The heart necklace sits in his palm, his rough fingers tracing the shape over and over again.

When Logan had gotten back to the mansion he was bombarded with questions. All about a person he had never heard of. He grew angry and confused, wondering who they were talking about. It wasn't until he saw the look on all their faces that he realized something was wrong.

Memory wiped. He was fucking memory wiped again. Charles tried to explain it all but his brain went fuzzy. He tried to restore them but whatever you had done was too powerful. Only faint distant feelings. They tried to jog his memories with pictures but nothing worked. Whoever you were you were, you and him were close.

He's got a look on his face that he doesn't even recognize. One of pure adoration. The stories they tell, it was like hearing stories of someone else. He went through his room. He could smell this faint vanilla scent. The same one from the motel room. It was you. He was with you. But just who are you?

He turns the heart around in his hands. It’s faintly familiar. He closes his eyes and tries to wrack his brain for anything. Just something. There's a gaping hole in his chest, a sense of dread and something lost. A surge of anger takes over him as he shoves the necklace back in his pocket. He feels helpless and confused and he fucking hates it.

They're planning something in Chuck's office and they kicked him out. Why he doesn't know. They're planning a rescue for you and apparently he was the most important person to you so why wouldn't he be in there. Even if he doesn't remember. He should be in there. He stands up and barges through the doors, not caring anymore.

"Tell me what the hell is going on. Now." He stands with his arms crossed, a scowl on his face.

"Logan..." Jean starts but he brushes her off.

"I don't fucking care if I don't remember her just fucking tell me the mission." They team exchange looks and Logan resists the urge to roll his eyes. He's not a child. Whether he remembers you or not you were important to him and to the team. He needs to get you back.

"The mutant group, apparently she knew of them. She used to work with them years ago before any of us knew her." Charles explains and Logan listens. His hands tightening into a fist.

"We believe that she went after them for reasons we do not know. But what we do know is that they're dangerous. More dangerous than what she remembers." He can feel somethings off. The way the team shifts in their seats. The way Ororo won't even look him in the eyes.

"Logan, we think they have her." Scott says slowly.

"So we go find her."

"It's not that simple-"

"No it really fucking is that simple." Logan growls.

"You all talk about her like she's the heart of the fucking mansion so why am I the one who seems to care the most right now! I can't even remember her!" Logan slams his fist hard onto the table it almost breaks.

Why aren't they as worried as he is? Why don't they seem to care? Silence casts over the room but slowly everyone nods, agreeing with him.

"We leave in 15." He says with such severity that no one argues. Logan turns and leaves. Ready to come and find you.

-

The jet engine hum is the only sound inside. Everyone is quiet. Waiting. Normally Logan hates flying but right now he's too focused on getting you back. His eyes are closed as he tries to pull anything from his head. The faint sound of laughter, the feeling of warmth, the smell of vanilla. All of it was right there. Locked behind a door he couldn't get through. He feels someone sit in the seat next to him.

"What." He growls as he turns the necklace in his hand around and around.

"Are you okay?" It's storms voice. He sighs and opens his eyes.

"Just fine." She's quiet for a moment before she decides to talk.

"We're going to find her Logan." She says with a confidence he just doesn't have.

"You and her, I've never seen two people more meant for each other. She made you happy and you made her feel less alone." He wishes he remembered you.

He really does.

He can't think of all the moments he's been told about or the pictures that have been taken. He doesn't know what it was like to love you or to be loved by you anymore. It kills him. If he was happy, if you made him happy, then he's lost it all. Why would you take that away? From him and from you. Why couldn't you trust him with this?

Even though his memories are gone he can feel this sense of worry building in his chest. He needs you to be okay. He needs to protect you. Fuck he doesn't even remember you but that deep primal urge is still there.

"Five minutes out. Everyone brace for landing." Logan tucks the necklace into his suit, keeping it close to his heart as he unsheathes his claws and waits for landing. He will find you. There's no other option for him.

-

Your whole body ached. After leaving Logan you tracked down Mack and his gang but they had the one up on you. New, powerful mutants. They already knew you were coming the second you had the thought. They ambushed you. Attacked you and rendered you useless. They should have just killed you but Mack wanted to keep you. To lure your team out as a trap.

"They aren't coming." You hiss as he stands in front of you. He's crouching down and grinning.

"I don't know sweetheart, my sources tell me there's someone on the team who is quite fond of you." He brushes your cheek and you recoil in disgust.

"Get your fucking hands off me." He chuckles and one of his followers hit you hard in your leg.

"Feisty. Tell me, is that because of Logan? Did he rub off on you?" Your blood runs cold. If they do anything to him.

"Don't touch him." You lunge at Mack but you're restrained. to the ground. Mack presses his foot onto your throat and his smirk turns into something dark.

"You're funny. Tell you what." He puts more pressure on your neck and you start to see dots in your vision.

"When the Wolverine gets here we'll make him watch you die...and then kill him." Mack laughs and another hard blow to your head sends you into darkness.

You can only hope that Logan stays far, far away from this.

-

He can hear them. Fucking idiots not even trying to hide. They're bragging, laughing. Well they won’t be laughing for long. Logan’s claws gleam under the moonlight as he stalks like an animal.

The plan was to create a diversion while a rescue team goes in to get you. He wasn’t exactly know for his subtlety but no one wanted to argue him being the one to find you. It was a one man rescue team.

The sky rumbles and a loud explosion from far away leads the mutant group away. Logan springs into action. He takes out the few bodyguards around camp with ease.

He finds you alone and unguarded. A sense of relief washing over him as he bends down and scoops you up in his arms. Though he can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. That this was too easy.

“Logan?” Your voice is quiet, broken.

“Hey, we’re gonna get you out of here.” He gently holds you as he looks for a way out.

“No.” You say. Your voice stronger than before. Confusion washes over him as you push him away. The injuries on your body seemed to disappear as the world fades around him.

“You think I want you to save me? I ran away from you Logan. Couldn’t you get the fucking hint?” Your words spit like venom. You were not the person he thought you were.

“It was all a lie, a cover.” His claws come out, teeth baring as his anger grows. But then he catches a whiff of someone unfamiliar. He hears the faint calling of his name.

“Yeah?” He walks closer to you. A taunting look on your face. Without warning he swings his claws right next to your face.

“Tell him that it will take more than a weak illusion to fool me.” Logan whispers in your ear.

Slowly the world he thought was reality melts away. Your tied up, held by force by one of Mack’s followers. Had he given in and swung at you he would have killed you. That must have been their plan. He looks to the side to see a body with three claw marks on the ground.

“Well, you’re smarter than I thought. Well done Wolvie.” He hears a slow clap behind him.

”Fuck off bub,” Logan growls as he holds up his claws. Ready to pounce. He hears the rustling around him. He’s not alone, they’re hiding, waiting.

“It’s a shame really, we would have gotten along great.” Mack smirks as Logan grows angrier.

“Fat fucking chance.” Logan lunges at Mack but he’s tackled to the ground. Held down by some sort of force he can’t fight.

“You may be physically strong but let’s see how you do when someone fucks with your mind. Just like she did.” Logan struggles baring his teeth as he tries to fight out of whatever hold they have him under.

“Stop!” You cry out. Your voice is strained and tears are falling down your cheeks.

“Mack please, just leave him alone.” You fight out of the grip on you with all your strength. Falling to the ground roughly. Your hands are still tied behind your back as you struggle to get up.

“Please don’t hurt him.” Your desperate.

Mack stands up crouches over you. He grabs your face roughly, digging his nails into your face tightly. Logan growls when he sees you wince in pain.

“Aww so cute.” He taunts and throws you to the ground.

“The question is which one of you has the biggest hero complex hm? You left us because you thought we were wrong, evil. You wanted to play hero.”

“What we did was wrong Mack. We hurt innocent people for our own good.” Logan stares at you and you can’t find it in yourself to look him in the eyes.

You can’t bare to see that look of nothing. He doesn’t know who you are and its your fault. But this is for the best. You can get him out of here and he can walk away from you without the pain.

You feel a sharp pain as Mack slaps you hard. “We were surviving!” He yells.

“Why should we care about the world when they don’t care about us!” He takes out a pocket knife and you tense up.

“Get the fuck away from her.” Logan roars and Mack just grins.

With a snap of his fingers one of the other mutants starts to crush Logan. It was a subtle pressure at first but he could feel the discomfort. They were sinking him into the ground. They were going to bury him alive. You can see a flash of panic. He hates that suffocating feeling. So reminiscent of his nightmares.

“Mack please, we were family once.” You beg as you watch Logan struggle. You can’t let them do this to him.

“Stop please!” Mack grabs your face and makes you watch.

“We were but you picked a new family. Now you can watch him suffocate.” Your eyes meet with Logan’s and you start to cry. He’s afraid. Its your fault. This is all your fault.

“I’ll stay! I’ll stay and help you again just let him go!” You cry out. The weight is lifted off Logan and he scrambles to breathe.

“I promise. I won’t fight and I won’t run. Just please, leave him alone.” Mack thinks for a moment, its a tempting offer. Your powers are strong and he was never able to find anyone quite like you.

“No! Logan shouts, he can’t let you do this. Not for him.

“You got yourself a deal. But if you ever try anything. We’ll hunt him down and kill him. Then the rest of your little family.” Your eyes flash with fear and you nod.

Logan’s heart twists as he sees the broken look on your face. You’re condemning yourself to a torturous life for him. When you look at him he feels a horrible feeling. He longs for you. Your eyes are full of a love he’s missing from his life. You love him and he can’t even remember what it was like. Did you calm his nightmares? Keep his deepest secrets? Did you know all his faults and choose to love him anyways? He needs to know. They pick him up and force him onto his knees.

"Tell your team to stay away." Mack wraps his hand around your neck, his knife pressing against your skin, taunting Logan.

"Logan...I love you and I'm sorry." Your voice is raspy as you choke out the words. He needs to know. You smile painfully as Logan just looks at you.

"Go on, run away Wolvie." Mack snarls.

Even in pain your eyes are full of love just looking at him. He was your everything. You love him so much you're willing to sacrifice yourself, your happiness, all of it for him. How? This kind of love...he's never felt this before. He may not remember it all with you but fuck he wants to know what its like. He wants to learn what it was like to be loved by you. He can't let you go. Not when his future happiness is in your hands. The rage builds. He will not leave you. Doesn't matter how much blood will be shed tonight. He will save you.

With a loud roar Logan unsheathes his claws and with all his willpower throws off the weighted feeling. He's like an animal, snarling and growling as he drives his claws into your captors. There's no mercy in the way he takes each and everyone of them out. They try to stop him but when they realize their efforts are futile they start to run.

"Where do you think you're going?" His voice is cold, void of any emotion as he digs his claws deep into someone chest. Mack's confidence fades as he watches Logan's rampage. He grabs you and tries to run. Dragging you along the forest floor.

"Logan!" You shout and he instantly turns around.

On all fours he uses his claws to launch himself towards you. Chasing Mack down like prey. It's really a pity how fast he catches him. At another time he would have enjoyed playing with him, toying with his fear. All the pain he's caused, not just your pain but the innocent people he's ruined. He deserves to pay.

"Not so tough now huh?" Logan stabs him right through the heart.

When he's sure he's dead he stands up, blood soaking his claws. His head turns to you and you freeze. You know he won't hurt you but apart of you worries this is a trick. Another one of Mack's illusions just to fuck with you. Logan gently bends down and cuts you free.

"He's gone sweetheart." Tears start to fall down your cheeks as he scoops you up in his arms.

"I'm sorry I'm so sorry." You babble over and over as Logan holds you tight. You fit just like a puzzle piece into his arms. This feels right. This feels like home. The sound of footsteps sets him on edge but he calms down when he sees the familiar faces of his team.

"Where the hell were you guys?"

-

No one dared bother Logan. They let him take you back to the jet. He held you the whole time. Even when you fell asleep from utter exhaustion he kept you close. He was with you every step of the way. Bringing you to the lab, watching as they run tests and stick needles into your arm. On your recovery bed with the ugly white lights he sat until you woke up. Sometimes you stirred, whining and you sounded afraid.

He wonders what fucked up things Mack made you see. The bruises and scars on your body told only half the story. With each fearful sound he wishes he would have taken longer to kill that bastard. But he's gone now and you seem to calm down when he's with you. Sensing him through your sleep.

The necklace sits in his hand. After he got back he had to make sure it was still with him. It was bloodied now, and had some wear and tear from the past. So he busied himself fixing it up, cleaning it until it shined like new. He doesn't know when or why he bought it for you but clearly it was special. The two stones meant something. He knew they did.

When you finally came to he jumped into action. Calling hank to come check on you while he slipped away to get you water. There was a big fuss, people scolding you for leaving and crying from happiness that you were back. Apologizes poured out of your mouth as you faced your family. Logan hung back and watched you be embraced, be loved. Your powers seemed to settle after this. The fear of touching other people was gone as you hugged people without a second thought. He waited and waited until it was just the two of you.

"Hey there," You can barely look at him as he sits in the plastic chair next to your bed.

"Logan I..." You can't get the words out. How do you even begin to apologize.

You bury your face in your hands but Logan isn't having it. He had a lot of questions but they could wait. He takes your hands away from your face, cupping your chin to make you look at him. Your heart breaks a little when you look into those eyes. He still doesn't know you. Of course, his memories are still gone.

"Why did you come? You don't remember me." You ask him. He risked his life for you, he killed for you. The Logan you knew at the start wouldn't have done that for you. Maybe with the team but to risk all of it alone. Why?

"I don't have to remember you to see you were important to me sweetheart, though I would really like those memories back." Of course.

You never took them from him. If anything you locked them away. You couldn't bring yourself to truly erase yourself from his mind. With a gentle touch you release his memories like a tidal wave. They pour into his brain, flooding his senses as memory after memory flash into his mind. Ending with your final moments together in that motel room.

Your first kiss, you told him you loved him. You took that from him. He should be angry with you. You stole his memories just like they did before but when he opens his eyes there's no anger.

Only love.

He smashes his lips onto yours. Capturing you into a heated kiss. This is what he dreamed of. Getting to touch you like this, to show his love. He's rough with his motions. He should be gentler but he can't help himself. Years of desperation building up into this. He can finally hold you, finally claim you as his.

"Logan I'm so sorry." You cry. He shushes you with another kiss.

He doesn't care about that right now. You were afraid and though he wishes you came to him he's just glad to have you back. You scared the fuck out of him.

"I love you too sweetheart, you didn't give me the chance to say it but fuck I love you." You claw at his shirt to get him closer.

You need him to be as close as he can. He ignores the wires and climbs into the bed with you. Situating himself so that you're as close as you can get. Legs intertwined with each other. He takes the necklace and places it around your neck. Clasping it and smiling as it rests above your heart.

"I'll always fight for us sweetheart. I'll fight for you." Even if he doesn't remember you he knew deep down that there was something there. That you were important to him. No one could take that away from him.

You curl into his arms, finally feeling at peace for the first time. Not worried about your powers or about your past. You felt protected and loved. Logan lulls you back to rest promising to keep watch. He knows that what you suffered won't go away easily but he'll be there every step of the way.

Nothing will take you from him again. Not ever. He'll make sure of that.

[ashwhowrites]

Can you please write Older! Eddie x reader, where Eddie presents Reader with Wayne or his friends but they don't trust in reader, but then she proves them wrong, and they're like, she's good for Eddie or something like that? (Maybe Wayne will be more interesting to me personally bc he's Eddie's uncle, but I can completely see the Hellfire Club and Wayne all being like, we don't trust her!)

-🩷

I had most of this written in the beginning of the month but couldn't find the motivation to write the perfect ending. But! I just finished it and hopefully it's an ending that made the story worth it. Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy it 🫶🏻

Young girls and trust don't mix

Eddie was in his 40s and struggled to find anyone. He'd been single for years and never found out what falling in love was. He slept around and never had an empty bed, but there wasn't a spark or anything. He was a rockstar and his life was on the road. He prepared to never be tied down.

It was a shock to everyone when Eddie released to the world that he had a girlfriend, and more of a shock when they learned she was in her twenties. The headlines went crazy and girls were filled with envy. The most wanted bachelor was now off the roaster. And when Wayne heard the news, he was immediately concerned.

He wanted Eddie to find a nice girl and have a family. A young girl? Wayne didn't believe she was going to lead him into a marriage. She was too young for that and Wayne feared she was around for the fame and fun.

~~~

"Wayne, I don't want to talk about this again!" Eddie groaned, he sat on the small couch in his tour bus. Y/N's head rested on his lap as she skimmed through a magazine.

"Eddie, I'm just telling you! Dating a girl that young doesn't seem logical. Look into the future, like five years, do you think she'll still be around?"

"Yes," Eddie said without missing a beat.

"Edward, you met her after your show, right? She's a fan and you know how dangerous and manipulative a fangirl can be." Wayne warned. A conversation both men had over and over. Yet, none of it changed Eddie's mind.

"Night Wayne." Eddie sighed and hung up. He took a deep breath to calm his anger and chucked the phone across the bus.

"Still doesn't like me, huh?" Y/N said as she skimmed the magazine, but her eyes looked up to meet his.

She couldn't lie, it pained her that the most important person in Eddie's life didn't have positive thoughts about her. She understood Wayne's worries and she wished she found a way to prove him wrong. She knew she was young, but there wasn't a doubt in her mind that she'd walk down the aisle to Eddie. She wanted his hand in hers forever.

"I just don't get it! I've been with you for almost a year and he still fights me on it. He thinks you are a groupie since you go to all the shows with me."

"I know, babe," Y/N sighed, she sat up and cuddled into his lap. "but! He hasn't met me yet. Your last show is in Hawkins, then we'll have a few months for me to win him over. He might need to meet me to trust me. All he has is tabloids, of course, he's skeptical."

"But why isn't my word good enough?" Eddie groaned, his face in her neck as he breathed in her sweet scent.

"Because only idiots fall in love." She teased as she poked his side. "He just thinks you blinded, love."

"I'm going to make him love you. Just like I do." Eddie promised.

"Maybe not like you do is a good idea." She joked.

"Haha." Eddie faked a laugh as he nibbled at her neck. She giggled and squirmed.

Y/N vowed to make Wayne accept her.

~~~

After a few more days of sold-out shows and arguments over the phone with Wayne, Eddie's show in Hawkins arrived. Eddie was extra nervous about the show since Wayne would be there and Y/N was supposed to be meeting him. Eddie wasn't sure what he'd do if Wayne didn't change his mind about her. He didn't want to break up but he didn't want to live with the pit in his stomach of the two most important people in his life not getting along.

Y/N was focusing on Eddie's eyes as she applied the black eyeliner when Wayne was escorted into the dressing room.

"There the big rockstar!" Wayne joked, Y/N stepped back to allow Eddie to stand up and embrace the older man in a tight hug. She smiled at the moment as both refused to let go first. Y/N knew how important it was for Eddie to have Wayne here. To see him perform after years and years of not making it. Tonight was the first night Wayne would see Eddie as the rockstar he finally was.

Wayne pulled back with a smile, his eyes never looked to the right to see Y/N.

"I can't wait to see ya perform!" Wayne said the anxiety in Eddie's stomach tightened.

"This is the biggest crowd of the tour. I think I might barf." Eddie admitted. He was terrified. He hated coming back to Hawkins, to a town where he was nothing but scum. The rest of the world loved him, but what if home still didn't? What if he went out there and everyone hated him?

"Baby, you will do amazing," Y/N reassured him, her words caused their heads to turn. Both Wayne and Eddie looked at her with two different expressions. Eddie, who looked grateful and soft. Wayne, looked like he wished she didn't speak.

"Wayne, this is my girlfriend, Y/N." Eddie proudly said as he wrapped his arm around her waist. She smiled and held out her hand, Wayne stepped forward and shook it.

"Pleasure to meet you, Sir." She said as their hands released each other.

"Right, so Eddie! Where will I be sitting?"

"Next to my girl," Eddie said with a big smile

~

Y/N walked silently with Wayne as they were escorted into the front row of the stadium. People screaming as she passed through. She waved and smiled, being as polite as she could. Wayne tried to not roll his eyes as she soaked in the fame. Another thing Wayne was always telling Eddie about.

"So we'll sit and he gets about half an hour to do his vocal exercises then he'll be out," Y/N said, sitting down in the small chair. She tried to ignore how awkward the air felt. She took a minute to look at the crowd, and it truly was the biggest crowd she'd ever seen.

She and Wayne sat in silence as they waited for Eddie to come on. But Y/N couldn't help but notice the clock struck 8, and Eddie still wasn't on the stage. She tried not to worry and figured the stage management was running behind.

She stood up when Eddie's manager came rushing towards her.

"Y/N? Eddie is asking for you." Eddie's manager said as he whispered into her ear, she nodded and turned to Wayne. "I'll be right back!" And raced after his manager. Wayne didn't think twice about standing up and following behind her.

~

Eddie was panicking. He made the mistake of looking at the crowd, and now he couldn't feel his legs. He sat on the floor, hurdled up, and ate at his fingernails.

"Eds?" He heard Y/N call from outside the door, and she softly knocked. She waited a second before she opened the door, her heart cracked seeing a nervous Eddie huddled on the floor.

"What's wrong?" She asked as she sat on the floor. Eddie didn't speak but moved to be in her arms. It was like their bodies communicated as Eddie began to relax.

"It's okay to be nervous, but trust me, they will love you. They are your fans and here to support you." She encouraged them as she rubbed his hand.

"What if I'm not good enough to be something good in this town," Eddie confessed. He was too ashamed to look up at her and to see Wayne.

"Nonsense. You were always something good. They never learned who you were, because if they did, they'd love you. They'd see how sweet, creative, and funny you are. But this is their chance to treat you the way you always deserved. Go show them what they missed out on."

Wayne watched as Eddie jumped up with a new confidence, the atmosphere of the room lifting as he threw his guitar over his shoulder. He felt ashamed of the way he acted, it was easy to tell Y/N was the best thing that ever happened to Eddie. In a shitty town that only gave him hell and a family that was filled with betrayal. He still managed to find someone to bring his spirits up.

Maybe she deserved more credit than Wayne thought.

~

Wayne watched as Eddie performed his life. And he couldn't help but embrace the energetic energy Y/N brought. She sang every song, knew every lyric, and danced perfectly to every beat. It was clear that she had every part of his songs memorized. He also noticed how much Eddie looked back to her, his eyes landed on her every few minutes. Then a small smile appeared before his eyes moved on.

There was something really special about the relationship Wayne was seeing, and he knew he accepted it right then and there.

~~~

After the show, Wayne apologized for his actions and words. But Y/N didn't hold it against him. She understood where he came from and was happy to have changed his mind.

Eddie was grateful Wayne gave her the chance because the sight of them getting along was the best thing Eddie got to experience.

Tags!

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[bonniethecreator]

hi ml u will never guess who this is . Anyway ummm wuld u be willing to write dylan lenivy x autistic reader who’s touch starved … reader struggles expressing when they want to be held and stuff idk I am projecting i love that man so bad .

i wonder who this is ...

sir yes sir ! i hope i do him so much justice because I don't want you to hate me for portraying him wrong, lets go! (idk whby the photo quality is shit)

the pov also might be all over the place so I'm so sorry

Hackett's Quarry Summer Camp was full of excited chatter as the kids made sure their last day of camp was well-spent. Camp had been a whirlwind full of laughter, stories by the campfire (most of which Mr. H would detest), and fun all around, but unfortunately it had to end. The kids did as much as they could before they inevitably had to come to terms with the setting sun, packing their bags and having their last meal before the trip home.

Every counsellor made their way to sit by the campfire while waiting for the campers to come out of their cabins. Dylan picks his spot on the log next to Y/n, giving each other a small smile before they start chatting with the others. Loud chatter echoed through the air all night, quick glances being thrown Y/n's way as they chatted to a group of campers.

After the kids had devoured all the s'mores, and the campfire had burned low, the kids had been sent back to their cabins to sleep, and Dylan and Y/n had found themselves sat by the lake."It's crazy that summer's already over", Dylan sighs, resting his elbows on his knees as he looks over to Y/n. "Yeah it kind of sucks, I like it here." They reply, throwing Dylan a smile, handing him a rock.

Dylan throws them a puzzled look, taking the rock from their hand. Y/n lets out a small chuckle before standing up and throwing the rock into the lake, watching as it skips a couple of times before sinking into the water. Dylan follows their movements, chucking the rock into the water, though it just dives in with a sad 'plop'. He turns around to Y/n's laughing figure, "Okay, you don't need to laugh. We aren't all blessed with rock skipping skills." Dylan's voice is laced with sass as he smiles at Y/n, watching them as he makes sure to memorise this moment to cherish.

"Okay here, I'll help you out" Y/n places another rock in Dylan's hand, positioning him from behind and hesitantly placing their hand on top of his. They look up at him for any sign of discomfort, their eyes scanned over his face, until he looked back and they quickly snapped back to face the lake.

Dylan smiles to himself as he focuses back on their hands together, Y/n softly moving his hand to show him the correct way to throw the rock, though it isn't about that anymore for either of them. Y/n breathing wavers as they try to calm themself, as Dylan hoped Y/n couldn't feel his heart beating from the back of his ribs. "You should probably take me out to dinner first" Dylan flirted, looking back at Y/n with a stupid smirk on his face. Y/n nervously laughed in response as they flung the rock from Dylan's hand into the water, watching it skips before dropping.

Y/n quickly removes their hand from his, trembling as they attempt to head back to the counsellors cabin, before Dylan reaches out "Hey. You don't.. uh, do you want to stay a bit longer?" He fumbled his words, interlocking his fingers with Y/n's. "Uh.. yeah." Y/n smiles softly, looking at Dylan through their eyelashes as they tighten their grip on his hand, moving closer to him.

They sit back at the foot of the pier, their hands never separating, Y/n's head sits on Dylan's shoulder as they talk for as long as they can before fatigue hits them both. When they both agreed to call it a night, Dylan stood up. "Would you want to sleep in my bed?" he wiggled his eyebrows at Y/n teasingly, offering his hand to help them up then leading then back to the cabin.

After getting comfortable in his bed, Dylan patted the spot next to him, though undoubtedly small, Y/n lay down next to him. Dylan let them get comfortable before he wrapped his arms around them, placing a small kiss on the side of their head before they lay together in silence. Y/n let the comfort of Dylan's touch and presence lull them to sleep, they really made the most of the last night of summer camp.

[ananke-xiii]

Okay, I think I can finally share this now.

In my version of "Moriah" Chuck orders Jack to kill Castiel with the promise of bringing things back to how they were before all the mess they're in now, Mary included. Jack starts panicking and crying and is clearly being played but he's in no state to rationalize things so he starts blurting out all kinds of stuff and eventually resolves to actually do it. Sam and Dean are forced to watch by Chuck and are totally incapacitated just like us, hypothetical viewers, are made to watch Jack's tragedy as it unfolds.

But Castiel is okay with that and actually plans to do the deed himself in order to avoid at least this one pain in Jack's life so he comes close to Jack and holds his face in one hand while the other is ready for the blade. He needs to tell him one last thing before the end. They're both crying but somehow Cas find the courage to recite a different type of blessing over the children, one that of course doesn't involve God and it goes something like this:

Jack, don't cry. It's okay, it's okay.

I need to tell you something, Jack and I need you to listen carefully, okay? Okay, good.

Being elected as your father has been the greatest joy and honor of my life. Hey, it's okay, shhh, it's okay, listen to me.

It was a joy so great that I got scared, Jack. I'm sorry Jack but I got so scared. I didn't know it then but it was this gnawing fear of losing it all, of losing you, that made me make... many mistakes. It was this fear that prevented me from understanding who you really are, from seeing the truth. So here it is.

Jack, you were, are and always will be such a luminous, beautiful and important presence in this world. Ah, as a matter of fact, in any world. Because you're... you. And you are... amazing.

No, no, no listen to me now, please, shhh, it's okay: You have to know that whatever happens in your life, I will be there for you. No matter what, I will be by your side. If things will go wrong, I'll be there to give you my energy. If things will go right, I'll also be there to give you even more energy.

You must never forget that you're loved, Jack. Oh, look at you: my son...my son... I love you. So much.

Cas, in an instant, is ready with his angel blade but it's in this moment that the Shadow erupts into the world to take Castiel away: no reasoning, no strategic plan, nothing. The moment of happiness is the moment of unconditional love.

Chuck's frantic because this "unconditional love" thing wasn't in his script and yells that it was not supposed to happen this way, that he gave them the possibility to access everything they ever wanted, the price was just one self-loathing, doomed-anyway angel but it still wasn't enough for them, was it?

It's also the moment where Sam, briefly freed from Chuck's powers, gets his lucidity back and decides to pull the trigger on Chuck (and himself). In the background, Jack's screaming and crying so much that the mere force of his screams is enough to resurrect the whole cemetery but Cas is not coming back to him.

Chuck is wounded by Sam (who's also hurting in return) and is forced to flee. Dean is also wounded beyond repair and is like turned to stone and almost can't breathe because he's living, again, one of the worst moments of his life as we go back to a distorted, more messed-up version of s12 finale and to the beginning of Jack's tragic story.

Jack is spiralling and he's out of control and out of himself as he starts opening woundsrifts after rifts through dimensions and worlds looking for Chuck, looking for the Empty, looking for whatever comes first at this point because he's moved by the dangerous, unpredictable and explosive bomb that is revenge spurred by love. Until Billie finds him.

[eros-thanatos89]

meta/thoughts on BCS

Oh, man. I've never posted meta, or just thoughts on shows before, but I'm trying to give myself permission to be as cringe as I want and to ramble on the internet about the fictional things that I think way too much about. So here goes, my first meta post!

I just rewatched BCS S5E3 "The Guy For This" (let's be real: mostly for thirsty reasons, because I wanted to see Lalo and Nacho looking pretty in the garage scene with Saul) and Goddamn, it just smacked me in the face and reminded me what a pivotal episode it is in so many ways.

One of the many recurring themes that I love to see explored so well in both Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul is the many ways that people deal with (or don't) the consequences of their actions, and this episode is just chock full of that, as well as setting up the first steps down the "bad choice road" or the road ahead for so many characters.

In that garage, Saul really steps into Saul as we know him in Breaking Bad. By taking Lalo's money (even if under duress) he's taking the first step into leaving Jimmy behind and becoming the *criminal lawyer* we all love/love to hate. Jimmy's pattern of avoiding the consequences of his actions or uncomfortable emotions like the guilt over Chuck's disgrace and death is running away: by escaping into his scams, and by literally running away from himself, choosing a new identity--he's not Jimmy anymore; he's Saul, so he doesn't have to lug around Jimmy's baggage. And even though he tries to backtrack from this first step onto the bad choice road leading to him becoming "un amigo del cartel", when he tries to suggest that Lalo find another lawyer, it's too late. As Nacho tells him, "When you're in, you're in."

And Nacho would know! Speaking of running away, Nacho has been trying to evade or escape his problems for so long: first by setting up Tuco to avoid having his side hustle with Pryce discovered, and in this episode, trying to convince his Papa to run away with him to Canada. The scene where Manuel confronts Nacho at his house never fails to break my heart. Nacho is so desperate for Manuel to escape with him to a new, safe life, and Manuel is so adamant that Nacho face up to the consequences of his choices. Which ultimately, he has no choice but to do. He has to confront what he's done and give himself up to save his Papa's life, just like Manuel encouraged him to do so long ago. But by giving up his life rather than turning himself in to the police. It's so damn tragic.

And then there's Kim. She's always running away from the poverty and instability of her past by so doggedly pursuing success as a lawyer. I love how this episode highlights her increasing dissatisfaction with Mesa Verde and her yearning to pursue more meaningful pro-bono work so she can use the law to help people like the little, powerless girl she used to be. The confrontation between her and Mr. Acker is stellar. Kim has this rare moment of vulnerability, letting down her walls to share a story of her childhood struggles with Mr. Acker in a genuine attempt to connect with him, only to have him scoff at her and accuse her of making it up to manipulate him. You can tell his tirade about her being ultimately a selfish person who tries to comfort herself with acts of charity really rankles her because it goes so strongly against her sense of self and represents everything it seems she's afraid of becoming, and so much of what she resents about Howard: the entitlement, the sense of ease and privilege, the self-congratulatory charity acts (don't get me wrong, I really like Howard, pompous as he can sometimes be, but I think this is how Kim views him). By the end of the episode, when she escalates Saul toying with a beer bottle on the balcony into throwing them into the parking lot, you can already see her pivoting and taking those first steps down the road that ultimately leads to the plot against Howard, which she justifies to herself in the name of using the Sandpiper money to fund her pro-bono work. And then in the end of the series, she both runs away AND atones for her actions by moving to Florida and living a life literally leeched of all color and joy, and is just doing penance by living a muted, mediocre life.

Domingo's arc in this episode is so crucial, too! Lalo and Nacho recruit Saul to feed him the information to undermine Fring, but when he meets Hank and Steve Gomez in prison, it starts him on the road to transforming from Domingo/Ocho Loco to Krazy 8. Ultimately leaving the cartel (I like to think because of the loss of his friend Nacho) and setting himself up as an independent dealer and even snitching on his own cousin, Emilio; which then leads to his collision with Walt and Jesse.

And the scene with Mike in the bar! The way he's barely holding it together as he tries (not very successfully) to drink away the pain and guilt caused by killing Werner just a few episodes before (S4E9) and is so triggered by the postcard that reminds him of their conversation is so powerful. I just love how he encounters the group of guys who try to intimidate and rob him and he defends himself in this episode, but we later see him intentionally return and seek them out in S5E5 "Dedicado a Max" in an act of self-loathing and roundabout self-harm via taking a beating and not even trying to defend himself.

I'm rambling, but these shows make me litcherally mentally unwell with how fantastically nuanced and textured the writing, acting, visual storytelling, music, everything is! I'm just going to be ruminating on all these many facets of accepting consequences, atoning, and/or running away affects these characters and the arc of both shows and the world they inhabit for the next long while....

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: Omens On Baker Street (Good Omens/BBC Sherlock Crossover Series)

The Ineffable Game Sherlock and John are no longer the only crime-solving disaster duo in London. After Sherlock unknowingly wrongs a demon, he finds himself with two mysterious rivals in the detective scene. For Crowley and Aziraphale, it's just a bit of fun, but they end up learning more about human nature than they bargained for. London Falling It’s time to start reconnecting. It's been a long time since John and Sherlock first came face-to-face with the supernatural. Crowley and Aziraphale now spend their days bickering in the South Downs instead of London. Life seemed to be getting back to normal... Unfortunately, 'normal' is only a relative term. Welcome Home Tulip arrives in the South Downs, and finds that starting a new life isn’t as easy as she first thought. Luckily, she now has a family to fall back on.

Length: 155,306 words (full series)

AO3 Rating: Not Rated (but basically PG13)

Best for: Pick-Me-Up, Safe in Public, Comedy

Triggers: Brief Violence

Read it here, series by WorseOmens

Personal Rant: I've been ignoring this one for months. I'm sure I'll bring it up plenty, but BBC Sherlock was my life 10 years ago. Reviewing fics on fuckyeahjohnlockfanfic was such a joy and I have so much fondness and nostalgia for that part of my past. Good Omens is the first time I've engaged in fandom at all since then. I was betrayed by Season 4, I had lost my love for fan spaces, tumblr was emptying. I moved on. But the day I finished Good Omens season two I dived headfirst back into this world. It's been nonstop every day since then for me. I started reading 2-3 fics a DAY again. I kept thinking how insane it would be to start reviewing again. But this series? Idk, I didn't think I wanted to engage with Sherlock again. I thought it'd be too weird, maybe too cringe to indulge in something I thought I "grew out" of. But since I've been working on this new review blog I thought it was time. And oh my god I can't tell you how good this felt. I feel like my Moffat induced heartbreak is starting to heal. So enough about me, let's talk about this series.

*Minor Spoilers* I'll let you guys find out for yourselves just how it happens, but let's say eventually Sherlock and John team up with Aziraphale and Crowley. The first series is set just after the Apocalypse-that-wasn't, and in Sherlock canon in between S1 and S2. The second installment is set post S4 of Sherlock. I am overwhelmed by how much I enjoyed this series. I had assumed I knew how this would go. I thought it was going to be a predictable checklist of crossover tropes. My eyes were practically rolling before I gave this a chance. I wanted to hate it, maybe to prove that I was totally over my past love of Sherlock. But its good. It's entertaining, it's surprising, it's funny, it makes sense.

This is mostly a Good Omens story. If you were never that into Sherlock you'll mostly be able to follow along fine, but I'm not sure the opposite is true. Crowley and Aziraphale are sickeningly in love, and I ate it up. Their relationship is established by the time this starts, but it's been maybe a year (?) since the Notcalypse. John and Sherlock are firmly in their canon of "I'm not his date". I can't spoil it for you, you'll have to see yourself, but how John reacts to Aziraphale just took me out. I was shocked. I had to walk around for a bit. It was unexpected, bold, I wanted to hate it and I loved it. It shouldn't have made sense! Moving on before I spoil...I just can't believe that this series took all the assumptions I had about the rapport between all of them and just chucked them out. Characterizations are all amazing, though I feel Sherlock's presence was a little quiet at times. I feel like he should have noticed more was off sooner than he does. But that can all be explained by supernatural interference so I don't really care too much. This plays with Sherlock canon in such a way that's just like, oh totally that actually makes perfect sense. And it's so smart to skip over past plot lines that it knows we're familiar with. We don't need to go over scenes we all have ingrained in our memories, let's enjoy the story happening right now. And it handles S4 so well. The thing that ruined Sherlock for a lot of people. It's not waved away, but just moved on from and brings Rosie into the second series.

I could spend days in this combined universe. I love the banter between Crowley and Aziraphale. They’re also very Gomez and Morticia here. Very secure in their relationship and madly in love. Extremely possessive Crowley, so expect some fun moments with that. Protective of each other, but also have complete trust in the other’s ability. I love their clumsy half hearted attempts at being human and that it completely goes over everyone's heads. Come on Sherlock! Cosmo and Wanda aint slick!! It's fun and silly. It's the kind of fanfic that makes your cheeks hurt from smiling too much. But it's not shallow. It has some excellent insight. Even though Sherlock and John are not the stars here, they still get their moments to shine. In the second installment there is a line about their bond being foraged not in the danger of their lives but in the quiet and gentle in-between and I wanted to cry. It was so healing for my broken Johnlock heart.

This post is much too long already. If you are a fan of both series, just do me a solid and read it. I just know you'll like it. Embrace the silly, warm your heart with the rest, and enjoy it. It's completely safe for public, but it was incredibly annoying to have to keep walking away from it. My next read will be at home, and very soon.

Read it here, series by WorseOmens

[dark-dragon-8]

The upside of liking and/or not minding spoilers (and therefore actively seeking them out): I take everything I find out in a stride and instead of feeling bummed out or like it ruined the experience, it actually makes me look forward to that part of the series. It's how I keep myself interested.

The downside: I now know that Chuck Shurley is probably a bad guy and an evil God and, while I'm looking forward to seeing how it'll be going down, I'm starting to doubt/question every single action/interaction he's shown doing and/or participating in so far. I think this is probably either the first or one of the first very rare times where I was actually bummed about a spoiler, not because I didn't like it (it sounds like an interesting plot twist) but rather because I like his character so much, I don't want this to be something that'll make me dislike him in the future [I relate to him a lot, in terms of both openness and love for his characters & story as well as him feeling like an actual person in ways and struggles that are/can be so mundane (like how he doesn't know what to do without his story, that it's the only thing he's got going on in life and how he doesn't feel like he has a purpose without it. As an aspiring author it's something that's really stuck with me as I sometimes feel the same way about my stories). We don't often get characters that are just so "mundane" and normal and experiencing actual real life struggle outside of things such as miscommunication, codependency, a choice for the greater good, etc (not that these are bad tropes, mind you, I love reading/watching/writing about them as well, they're good tropes, it's just that they're so "novelized" and specific to that characters, again not a bad thing that's how it should be, in a way that they don't necessarily feel normal and/or real anymore). Like, when Chuck said that he's a bad author, that the story was not even his yet this is all he has, it made him feel real and tangible. It wasn't a big part of the plot (I don't think so, not the overarching one at least) but it made him feel human, this was his life's work and he just got the opportunity to keep on making it, it was his, it wasn't his life, it wasn't his story but it was his, his book, his work, his life. And now he might have to give that up because the brothers, justifiably, don't want him to write about them, it's their lives and they don't want people knowing every little thing about them just because].

So anyways, sorry for the long post, I just needed to rant/get it off my chest (I swear, Tumblr is starting to become my weird "fandom diary" at this point).

Also disclaimer that this is not meant to be shitting and/or degrading people for not liking spoilers, this is just my preference and I know not all people are like that and that's okay. Just wanted to say that since I know that sometimes these types of things can be taken the wrong way by some people and I don't want that to happen and end up offending someone because of it.

[the-sprog]

Listen I love DCxDP crossovers as much as the next person, but every time I see people write John Constantine offer as a solution summoning something I cringe internally a little bit. John is all up for self-sacrificing and doing things you shouldn't but he does not fuck with other creatures he knows shit-all about.

On the other end, do you know who does fuck with creatures they know shit all about?? And keep summoning things and making deals with things they shouldn't be summoning or making deals with? And also doing this most of the times with the express intentions of dealing with the dead?

The Winchester Brothers.

Where are my season 15 fix-it fics where Dean does not give up, he does not say "oh well Castiel died after confessing his love for me I guess that's it" or where Sam does not say "well my brother died during a run of the mill vampire Hunt -not even because of the vampires but because of a rusty nail. Let me just abandon him forever after everything we've gone through and finally actually listen to him and get myself a family with my blurry wife and random son"

And instead they do again summon something that is completely separate from everything else they've dealt with before and they actually managed to contact Danny who somehow is the king of the Ghost Zone or whatever fucking shit you want. Maybe you can make the empty nocturne! That would be really fucking cool :O so Danny somehow gets convinced to bring back Castiel or Dean or both.

Ok now I'm actually thinking about it.

You can even make it adult Danny by simply following the Supernatural timeline. Danny gets his powers in 2004, when he's 14, the Winchesters start looking for their dad in 2005, and they're... 20 something. Castiel joins the brigade in 2009 (I thought he showed up in season 5 lmao it's been a while since I've watched it), Chuck starts writing the books- fuck I don't know. 2012? Was it season 7? **Looks it up** fuck nope he starts writing when they start, that's my mistake. I meant when does he show up. And that's together with Castiel. Wow. Give me Danny who is an in universe Supernatural fan. He's the prime target audience! Starts reading after he gets his powers because we'll they're ghost hunters but the ghosts are actually evil. So it's fine. And they're fictional anyway so no big deal.

But then Chuck stops writing (end of season 5) and Danny is extremely disappointed.

He doesn't learn the truth until 2018 (season 13) when Jack wakes up The Shadow and consequently shakes the Infinite Realms. Nocturne has to be somehow connected. Maybe they're not The Shadow themself, but a subordinate? Like Frostbite is the leader while the yetis are his citizens. And The Empty is the realm they live in.

Now Danny is slightly terrified because it means all the things that go bump in the night are real. Which is a scary as fuck thought. And also wonders why they've never had hunters in Amity, or why he and the other ghosts are different from the ones in the books.

But he can't really do anything. To help.

Hunters definitely have checked out the town. There's no way they'd fly under the radar. But either there are already hunters INSIDE Amity And they've staked their claim on the town, no outside hunters allowed. Or there's something wrong w the entire place that makes it so that people don't really realize anything is wrong with it. I til they're inside it. But when outside nothing :/ all normal.

I feel like it wouldn't be Dean who summons him though. As much as I love him, they are aware that pretty much only God could pull out Cas and Jack wasn't going to do it any time soon.

But Dean dying like that? No Sam is not going to let his story end like that. But they've pretty much exhausted all options. What's he gonna do? Make another deal w a demon that's going to ultimately make more of a mess? Who's gonna make a deal w a Winchester anyway?

I don't know how Sam would find a way to contact Danny. The Fentons were the first to make contact with the Zone, so the bunker's unlikely to have any resources. Bobby's gone, so that's a bust. He'd have to find something new. Something no other hunter has interacted with, ever.

Again.

Because let's be real. The Winchesters already did that plenty.

Maybe he stumbles upon Amity by accident and sees it as an opportunity, idk.

Sam's kinda more willing to give monsters the benefit of the doubt. They know angels are not all bad, they had werewolf friends, and so on and so forth.

So sure he might start off listening to the Fentons at first, but if he were to interact with Danny (as Phantom ofc) one on one he'd probably see that they're wrong.

Danny would freak out of course. On one hand, fuck man. He's a fan. That's so cool.

On the other, he knows nothing will stop the Winchesters. He's deader than dead if Sam was there to hunt him.

But alas, he'd do anything to help him get his brother (and Cas, as a treat) back. Who's gonna stop him? God? Jack? Idk man I feel like he'd let them have this one lmao. Or still Danny could definitely argue that he's the king of all afterlives, so what he does to his subjects is none of his business (since God (or at least Chuck couldn't) can't interfere w The Empty, only the afterlives he controls. So heaven and hell. Not even purgatory iirc)

[morally-grey-girlbosses]

Propaganda under the cut.

Audrey Redheart:

Though she's often referred to as a hero, this particular girlboss ready and willing to end the entire WORLD. She also attacks and critically injures the main character and their best friend at different parts of the story.

audrey redheart is a Typical Hero in a game that is not about her and at every turn she refuses to accept it is not about her. chosen by the goddess eya to hard reset the world by killing all of the overseers that guard it, in any other universe she would be the main character fighting bosses for this big goal. but no. this is a game about an irrelevant little bard on a complete wild goose chase to save the world instead. these goals do not actually clash with each other, the mcguffins the bard needs to try to save the world can be gotten after an overseer is dead. the real clash here is that audrey gets very defensive of her God's Favoritest Little Girl marker and tends to start chucking lightning at people who get in the way of her destiny. see audrey is actually a really fascinating character to me because all of her actions come from a newfound sense of purpose, before she was eya's chosen hero she didn't really see herself as much. and now that she has a destiny, an identity and purpose she never had before, she'll go to any extents to protect it. this plus the fact that she's, the hero, makes her a Very tough customer because all of the issues she has I just mentioned have a very hard to refute front of "I'm the hero, this is the way things are meant to go" she usually defaults to when posed with an actual question that may make her vulnerable or in the wrong. because of this it's hard to argue if a lot of her actions are morally questionable, and that's the point. she Is the hero. she's only doing what her god told her she had to do. and as she hurts people who threaten her fate and betrays people because the alternative was giving up what made her special, she keeps telling herself that. in truth, she's scared. of losing herself, but also of the end of the world that she's doomed to cause. but every time she asserts that "this is the way it has to be", we can tell exactly which she seems to fear more. (spoiler alert if you couldnt already guess, even through all this she gets her destiny stolen at the last second Anyway)

Kyoko Sakura:

- A girl - A boss - She's selfish, but still endearing (Little spoilers below, but I assume that as of today, PMMM is in public domain and that these spoilers don't ruin the watching experience) - She's got good reason to become selfish. She wanted to make a wish to help her father but that only made him angry. She deduced that sacrifying one's life for another is stupid and that everyone should live only for themself. - But she's discover that helping others is good! (Or she's just fell in love with Sayaka but shhhh). She's not 100% black. - Look at her grin!

[proximasc0rner]

Okay it's not quite liveblogging but i found the left right game qcode podcast yesterday and wanted to share my thoughts (just finished the first 3 episodes)

OKAY SO!!! Somewhat mixed but still positive feelings i think! So far!!!

My thoughts (spoilers under cut):

It makes me sad that a good chunk of the narration was dropped in order for a more immersive listening experience, but i suppose that's just how it goes when you're trying to translate stories to different mediums

Speaking of immersion oh my GOD i had my first Apollo kinshift ever and it is SOLELY because of how good this podcast is at making you feel like you're there. Like it hit me the minute Apollo stepped out of his car talking about the Hitchhiker. I was shaking and had to take a break from listening until today 😭

Also speaking of immersion. The Ace death scene was unfortunately fucking PERFECT. It was EXACTLY as gruesome as it felt in the og version, and scary in the way that it makes you feel like time is slowing down as it happens and it was just unbearable the whole time listening and AAAAAAAAA (it was good).

I also REALLY liked the added touch of actually getting to hear the conversation between the Jubilation Recovery Service guys as they're capturing Ace and hanging him from the tow hook. Like in the og story the narration just says they're casually talking but in the podcast you get to HEAR it all happen. Except the conversation was... weird, because it felt like each individual statement felt like it was being taken out of context??? Like one minute they're talking about people growing up out of their uniforms too fast and the next thing they say is something about like. Calling off work????? Or something????? It's really hard to describe how off it was, it was like when you put two cleverbot chat ais next to each other and make them converse. It added to the uncanny effect ✨

Also i lOOOOOVED the whole bit where Rob was freaking out at Bluejay for going so slow around the tree because it reminded me why all good people HATE Denise "Bluejay" Carver /silly

THE HITCHHIKER WAS SO FREAKY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH (i would not touch him with a 39 and 1/2 foot pole)

I appreciate that the stellar characterization of everyone wasn't lost in translation. The voice actors have really brought the cast to life.

However, I do not think Tom needed to be expanded upon. like this guy is just the middleman he does NOT need his own story and the lengthy preamble just kinda detracts from the horror for me.

The one good thing abt Tom's end of things tho is that I enjoy the added detail that Tom seems to be the only one who can remember Alice ever existing

WOOOOOO ALICE IS ONLY HALF BRITISH NOW

In seriousness tho. Idk exactly why the details about Alice and her parents were changed-- like in the OG version she was British with Indian parents, but now her dad is American and her mom is British/Caribbean. It's not a negative by any means I'm just curious as to what the reason was for this change. Also Sharma -> Sharman happened too so 🤷

Final criticism: the whole scene with Chuck Greenwald was slightly worse for me than on first read and first listen via CreepCast. Like genuinely Hunter conveyed him better I think 💀. Like the "they're going to hurt now" line was played straight on CreepCast like it's a serious thing. But then on QCODE Chuck sounds borderline mischievous? Like don't get me wrong I loooove me some hammy, campy evil characters (see: my obsession with disney villains) but even i can admit that there is a TIME and a PLACE for cartoon villain behavior and Radio Jubilation is NOT IT. Also the screams were surprisingly lackluster and the weird metal clanking sounds just really confused me 🥲

BUT ALL IN ALL IT HAS BEEN GOOD SO FAR! I'm excited to see where it goes from here!!

[the-inkwell-variable]

Writeblr Interview Tag!

Thanks so much for the tag, @sableglass!

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novels all the way. I've tried my hand at short stories, and they always end up being novellas or straight up novels by the time I'm done with them. May as well stick with what my little brain clearly desires!

What genre do you prefer reading?

Mysteries (cozy or otherwise), horror (especially zombie fiction or apocalypse fiction, yes please), fantasy (especially cozy, I love cozy fantasy so much, have you read Legends and Lattes?), and romance.

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

I'm a little of both! I'll generally have a plan in my head at the very least, if not a brief outline written down somewhere, but when I actually sit down to write, my writing tends to veer off wherever it wants and do its own thing (for example, FUCKING CHUCK). As long as it makes sense, I tend to just let it go wherever it wants lol

What music do you listen to while writing?

Surprisingly, I don't listen to much music while writing. I'll daydream to it, absolutely, but I mostly just throw on some Markiplier or an old debate that I've heard ten thousand times and write to that. It's more about the background noise than the actual content, y'know?

But when I DO listen to music, I drift toward lofi or mood music compilations on youtube. The kind that DMs play during their DnD sessions. Love those so much, they really help keep me locked in a single mood, which I absolutely need when I'm writing a scene.

Favorite books/movies?

Oh god. Lord of the Rings (including the Hobbit don't @ me). Train to Busan (or any Korean zombie movies/shows, really). Some Disney and Pixar - Big Hero 6, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Emperor's New Groove, etc. The Strain is one of my favorite TV shows - I also love Cutthroat Kitchen above all else, a bunch of different anime, and Dance Moms (yes I know it's toxic and yes I am ashamed of myself for enjoying it. I pity the kids but I rage at the moms.)

As for books, my favorites are the Beechwood Harbor Mystery series, The Luminous Dead, Thief Liar Lady, All Systems Red, Legends and Lattes, A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking, anything Holly Black, Suffer the Children, Contagion, Luck in the Shadows, Assistant to the Villain, Dead of Night, and Surviving the Evacuation!

Any current WIPs?

Oh gosh. I'm bopping between From Carnival to Chamomile, a prequel to a cozy mystery series, and Dauntless, a zombie apocalypse trilogy, right now. Sometimes I'll work on Priestess Without Honor, a paranormal low-fantasy romance, and Chosen Against My Will, a dark mafia romance. I also have zer0 ALPHA, a lit-rpg isekai zombie apocalypse novel, but I haven't touched that in years and have only recently rediscovered my notes for it.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you what would your standard outfit be?

I wear the same thing every day, surprisingly. That's the autism for ya. I love jeans and a T-shirt, especially if that T-shirt has a picture from an anime or show or something like that. Printed shirts, I think they're called. Oh, and mismatched socks. That's me.

Create a character description of yourself: 

Too tall for her own good and unwanted curves for days. Bobbed dark-blue hair with steel gray eyes. Too busy writing or gaming to really notice what's going on. Expect a text back within seconds of receiving it - she reads faster than most people expect and tends to read every text twice just to give it that safety buffer. If there isn't a snack and a drink nearby, call the police.

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Hehehehe maybe. But not exactly in a good way. I'm very much the kind of person who will put someone I dislike into my book just so they can get the justice they won't get in the real world, even over something as minor as pronouncing my name wrong on purpose (I'm looking at you, Keiara).

Are you kill happy with your characters?

I want to say yes because I kill off characters constantly, but when it comes to my main OCs, no. I can't bring myself to kill them at all. I go out of my way to create characters for death (like FUCKING CHUCK) rather than put my favorites in the line of fire. I think that's a problem I need to work on.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee

but I do love tea, especially in the fall. In the fall, I tend to drift toward tea and apple cider rather than coffee.

But otherwise? Coffeeeeeee

Slow or fast writer?

Fast writer when I actually sit down to write! Slow writer when I'm procrastinating. I've been working on Dauntless for...thirteen years? Twelve?

Where/who/what do you draw inspiration from?

I get inspiration from EVERYTHING. Dreams. Books. Movies. Something dumb my partner says offhandedly.

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

I absolutely want to be something cool, like a shadow mage. But I'm probably a little gremlin that hides in the edges of the woods and steals your socks. Mmmm socks.

Most fav book cliche:

Enemies to lovers! Especially when one person is smitten at firstt sight and doesn't realize it.

Least favorite cliche:

Friendship is magic. Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with powerful friendships being front and center, but when the big bad is literally destroyed because fRiEnDsHiP I gag a little bit. I also hate undeserved happy endings - make the ending make sense. If it's a sad or horror book, sometimes the ending needs to be bad. And finally, forced romance. No. No thank you. Some stories don't need romance.

Favorite scene to write?

Descriptions! Am I good at them? No. Will I spend three pages describing a tree? Maybe.

Also conversations. I tend to do a lot of conversations and monologues in my writing. Need to work on that.

Reason for writing?

If I don't write down the ideas in my head, I will explode.

TAGLIST: @falconfate - @space-writes - @leahnardo-da-veggie - @i-can-even-burn-salad - anyone who wants to take part!

[xxchthonicreaturexx]

Matchup Trade!

Hello hello! Thank you for your patience but this is your TWST matchup trade ! @thecurrator

Silver Vanrouge

Soooo...It took me a hot second to figure this out. You needed someone who was serious and intellectual enough to keep up so Kalim was thrown out the window (even though I love the opposites attract trope) and you needed someone who cared enough about you as well as wasnt all about themself, so as charming and mature as Vil seems, he was also chucked out the second story...

As I was going through though, I felt that you just really felt at home with the Diasomnia crew. They seem very fitting to how you seem as a person. Very catlike in a way.

I was just kinda comparing you to the characters for the appearance side of the matchup, but in the end I ended on Silver either way. I was going to match you with him appearance wise just because you mentioned you always have bedhead, and given Silver is always falling asleep, I like to imagine that his hair becomes messy at times as well. Not only that, but you two seem like you have similar lengths in hair from what i could tell. I thought it was just a cute little thing where youd look like you both rolled out of bed but Silver has white hair and yours is so dark. Not to mention the silver earings. I once read a headcannon where Silver had a thing for piercings on people and it kinda stuck with me (I cant think of who wrote the post right now though so credit to them-)

While i was going through the similarities in appearance though and what complimented each other, i noticed how well I thought you two would work in a romantic setting as well. You say that you wouldnt want someone that would interrupt you, and Silver wouldn't! I feel he'd let you talk about whatever you wanted, but also wouldnt be too shy or introverted to contribute to the conversation.

Silver is cursed to always be fatigued, and that annoys him, but I imagine you both sitting there and listening to music, or you reading one of your books. Actually! I think he'd love to fall asleep while you read some poetry to him.

I feel Silver would be one of the best characters in Twisted Wonderland to respect physical boundaries. Not to say the others can't, but I feel he wouldn't be too touchy either. Don't get me wrong, laying with each other under the trees would be nice, but he's surrounded by a lot of animals, and you can't move too fast around them, so he's used to being patient and letting you initiate it first.

Overall i feel you guys would just respect each others boundaries very well and would just be a relaxing couple in general.

Runner-up: Malleus

Sibling:

Leona Kingscholar

Okay so hear me out...he seems like he could be your older brother. You guys just seem similar in the mannerisms you have.

Like for example: Being unapproachable or having RBF. Leona is kind of an asshole- and I mean, he's a prince too, so he's just one of the most unapproachable characters there are in TWST.

I mean...he's a lion. If he doesn't want to be touched, don't touch him. If he doesn't want to speak to you, he'll ignore you and nap until you go away. But he's catlike in the sense of he won't respect that boundary of yours. As sucky as it is, he's a lion and a sibling. His job is to annoy you.

You guys probably butt heads constantly. Like you guys will have moments where you get along and then he'll just ruin it. Huge sibling rivalry right here. But I mean, I feel it could make sense if you had a Beastmen for a sibling if you climbed a mountain at 10 :')

Runner ups: Idia and Ortho or Deuce Spade

Hope you enjoyed! And again, sorry it took so long!

[catmaidetho]

:0 i would love to hear how you write etho!

after making that post and going to bed i've realized that it's so hard for me to describe all the thoughts that go into it so

tl;dr: i have consumed an ungodly amount of ethoslab content to the point that writing him is kind of second nature

you could also probably go thru my archive for etho text posts i've rb'd, cuz those have also influenced me a lot and i'll link a few at the end. i also sincerely recommend watching and rewatching his hc7 because that is like, everything i love about etho in 40-smth episodes.

long and kind of complicated/messy answer under the cut. i tried to go as in-depth as i could w/o being overly rambly

when you think of etho, what do you think of? you probably think "mysterious cryptid redstone guy who is scary." that is the devil talking. he is not mysterious, a cryptid, or scary at all. he is just a guy who's reputation is bigger than him.

here's some (very basic) traits i'd assign to etho before any of those:

humble

reflective*

confident

competitive

friendly

mischievous

avoidant

*reflective in the sense that he mirrors other people's energy.

originally i had a whole rant typed up explaining these personality traits, but i realize you are probably a fellow ethogirl and a lot of these need no explanation. if you want an explanation/to better understand why i chose those personality traits, i am going to once again recommend his hc7, as well as checking out anything he's done with team canada (pick a series and just start watching. if you dont know where to start, one of my beloved mutuals has a neat little guide for ppl new to etho's content that includes some staple team canada content.)

some things i apply to my etho that make sense to me that might go overlooked by the casual enjoyer:

he is so incredibly neurodivergent coded. i am not going to make any assumptions on etho's brain structure, i dont think its my place, but seriously. give your etho some silly thing to be super passionate about on the side. make him easily distracted/get off topic easily. make his storage system start out well but quickly descent into chaos as he gets too lazy to use it.

he goes with the flow! this goes along with me describing him as a reflective person. he "yes, and"'s stuff like there's no tomorrow. he takes whatever energy is thrown his way, and he chucks it right back at you. he gets dragged into shenanigans and goes "oh this might as well happen! let's see how far we can take it."

he likes to avoid problems he doesn't see as immediately his own/aren't immediately affecting him. his response to moon big was literally "i'll let the other hermits deal with it. look this low gravity makes not having elytra so much easier! lets go build a bee farm." if it doesn't affect him right this instant, or there's nothing he can do about it, he will worry about it later (and probably forget to worry about it.)

he prioritizes the "fun" factor above all else. if you know what the bamboozler is, you understand this. also, the bee farm i just mentioned. if there is a very efficient/straight-forward way to do something or a very fun way to do something, he will go with the fun way most of the time. if the only option is boring, he'll find a way to make it fun.

his reputation precedes him, but his reputation is a little inaccurate to modern times. someone who doesn't know him very well might think he's menacing or scary, but the reality is that he's just a silly little guy. don't get me wrong, there is a reason he's seen as menacing, and if he wants to be he can be, but most of the time he's just here to chill.

his humor is very roundabout. he tells a very long story to get to the punchline, or he tells something that plays into stereotypes so much it's ridiculous. here are some examples. he is also a professional "your mom" joker, like i literally cannot link enough examples his staple joke is "your mom."

most importantly, i think, is that etho doesn't take himself too seriously. i think a lot about the quote from cleo that goes like, "etho doesnt say he's a grownup, he giggles and runs away." so dont make etho too serious!

HE IS LITERALLY JUST SOME GUY. i cant stress this point enough. he should have "just some guy" energy. tiny voice he's doing the best he can. things happen to him and he is mildly bewildered. something goes wrong and he needs like, one second dedicated to panicking before he does anything about it.

just for bonus content, some of my favorite posts/clips that heavily influence the way i interpret/write etho. he is so ^-^ | he calls food poisoning an adventure | evidence that etho's a former scene kid | obviously your mother never loved you 'cause you're some sorta monster :) | "you jerk" compilation | etho teasing scar in among us

[ananke-xiii]

I've written somewhere that Team Free Will is actually Team Dean's Will but it wasn't, like, a criticism or something like that, it was what I personally got once the show was over (and I still have very legit concerns about Dean's choice during the last episode).

I don't think Chuck won in the end because he, as a character, wouldn't have wanted for Dean to die. As far as polysemy goes, Chuck does represent many things but, to be really honest, I don't really think he represents John Winchester on a cosmic level. Like, yeah, OF COURSE, we can definitely put them together in the "Shitty Fathers" box but when Chuck tells Dean that he's not like his father I think he's not that wrong after all. Chuck is much worse and not because he's a John Winchester on a gigantic scale, it's not about quantity. He's worse because he just is.

Leaving aside the many problematic aspects of their relationship, Mary and John can be totally seen as Amara and Chuck (the show does go there and I think it's interesting for many reasons) but it's also true that the one who lied in the couple was Mary, not John. Even if we know why she had to lie and it can be understandable, it's also true that both Sam and Mary are willing to omit a Very Important Thing about themselves that, eventually, gets their partners killed. But, unlike Chuck who's to blame for his omissions, lies and manipulations, both Sam and Mary are two characters that, even more than Amara, are ALWAYS stripped of any choice. So it's almost like no matter what they do, they can only fight for their free will but never fully live it (SPN final thesis: you can never get what you want).

So yeah, if we consider John as a person and, more specifically, as a partner (therefore not in his paternal role), Chuck's not like him at all. Chuck's in control of his narrative, John couldn't even choose his own car at the dealership (btw, in my fantasy John has a love/hate relationship with the whole album "Boys for Pele" by Tori Amos that he keeps hidden like Bobby's passion for Tori Spelling). John is very much mainly narrated by other characters, in this respect he's just like Mary, to be honest. We don't 100% know who he is because he's a character described by absence. So much so that Sam and Dean didn't even know he had a fucking SECRET family!!!

Chuck is portrayed to be less enigmatic. We know he lies because we are shown that multiple times even before "Moriah". He's a character without much depth and that bothers him So. Much. He's a God who wants to be like Keith Richards. LOL!

However, even if Chuck, to me, objectively doesn't win (I also have my own "Billie won theory"), he neverthless does represent the Dictorial Power of Shitty Fathers that some might call The Patriarchy (not me. I would NEVER!). In this way, yes, he sort of wins because, as I've said, the natural order wins in the end and, in SPN, the natural order is Absent, Shitty Fathers. The sugarcoated version of the bygone days, the bittersweet nostalgia for a golden past that inevitably leads to death.

And who, the show tells us, represents all of the above? The absence of John Winchester via the presence of his journal. A man who's become so powerful he's been morphed into a myth. Maybe he is the real tulpa of this story, after all.

What does this have to do with Team Dean's Will? I find that saying that what Dean did in the end is a "choice" is very troublesome. To me personally. But the show does imply that, not strongly enough because it leaves some room for doubt but it ultimately does that. So okay, I'll bite and will consider it to be a Real Choice out of Dean's Free Will. Fine. What about Sam, though?

S15 starts with Sam and Rowena and ends with Sam and Dean. Rowena and Dean both commit suicide that's not 100% framed as suicide. Among other things, it is framed as a sacrifice. And Sam's there with them and he doesn't want that. He says so. He tells Rowena to "screw the books" and he tells Dean that he doesn't want what Dean is asking for.

Rowena's act is framed as being done out of her own agency because she believes in prophecy and magic. To which I say bullshit, not to Rowena but to the show because this is a cop-out. Since S13 Rowena couldn't do what she wanted to do because it wasn't possible. Fine. But how come that prophecy seems to be working only for her? How come the "rules are rules" mindset only applies to her? Why do other characters' books change and hers alone doesn't? How come her sacrifice is both destined and out of her own free will? It means that it can happen then! That destiny and free will can coincide! This change in thinking about the question is so packed with possibilities that they could've done another 15 seasons about it. Unfortunately, destiny and free will seem to meet in Definite Death which meh. Story over.

And Sam? He's still there. Participating and not participating. Against his will.

With Dean things are a bit different because we do know that Chuck is obsessed with him. Once Chuck is out of the picture, we could imply, Dean's finally "free" to choose what he wants. Which is such a naive thought because if it were only the absence and/or presence of things/persons to determine our lives we, perhaps, wouldn't need therapy.

But, as I've said, I'll be good and keep my promise: let's say Dean chooses out of his own free will. It should be cool for us, right? This is what Dean wants. The Big Big Bad is not dead but he's not the man behind the curtains anymore so hurrah! Free/Dean's Will wins. We should feel like we must respect that. And yet, it doesn't feel right.

And Sam? He's still there. Participating and not participating. Against his will.

It doesn't feel very "Free Willy" if the people just let the orca free. It's not very Free Will for Sam if the show tells us that it's Dean literally getting out of the picture that will "free" Sam. Brrrrrrr.

So what does this tell me? That the "destiny vs free will" discourse seems to be working only when there's a villain on the horizon, a commanding power that wants to tell you what to do, someone actually stronger than you whose actions can alter your life's story.

If you take that power out, what's left? Only people with their choices. And your absent, dead father's journal radiating The Real Power (the idea of power inside your mind that controls you). Is free will still in the room with us? Cause it starts to look like somebody's supposedly "free" will might be somebody's else constraint. As far as Sam is concerned, it seems to say: it doesn't matter whether there's a God, Death or that prophecy is real or not. What matters is that you can only stand there, participating and not participating. You don't want that? Too bad, 'cause that's what you got.

Maybe the finale really took the worst from my "Billie won theory" and the worst from the "Chuck won theory", i.e. an idea of natural order that upholds patriarchy. Or, since I can and will go there, that the natural order is the patriarchy.

So what about Free Will, is it an illusion? If it applies to only a few it certainly doesn't seem like something worth fighting for. And the natural order is indeed restored in the end. I don't think the show gives a real answer to that, by the end of S15 there are so many things that simultaneously mean 100 other things that everybody can take what they want from the show.

If you ask me, I think it was a moot question, to be honest. It made sense in S4-5 but once SPN goes full meta in S15 it becomes very superficial. Of course I know they're fictional characters and literally don't have free will, the premises were interesting because I wanted to see how these characters would react to stuff happening in the story. Once the story is revelead to be a bluff, though, what am I left with? Characters spiralling into crisis after crisis. This could be interesting in a novel but in a 15-seasons-long series you have to give me something ELSE as well, the "all die more or less happily" last-minute finale (knowing Heaven is a scam, by the way) is just... not having to deal with the consequences of the narrative choices that were made.

Or, perhaps, Supernatural is a show where one of its themes is "destiny vs free will" that ultimately tells you that there's no destiny but there's also no free will, there's only John's journal aka the Power of the Dominant Narrative. Which is the power of the people who write that narrative for us to believe in it. Perhaps, not even the people making the show were free to do what they would've liked to do. They were also there, like Sam, participating and not participating. Finding ways to cope.

[rebelrayne]

Can't believe I thought of The Wizard of freaking Oz first & not this one; really, it should be a crime!

Gossip Girl: LITG edition - who is who?

I nominate either Hamish (mostly because it's funny to imagine, I want to see that man in everything), Erikah or Summer for the role as our gossip sneezer

Hi Saga! Thanks for the ask!

Yes, I loooooooove OG Gossip Girl and I have had a thought on it, though many people may not completely agree with my casting. No one is fully, exactly going to fit here but I tried to use the more affluent Islanders to cast it. I do have 'xoxo' in my drafts, but I doubt it'll ever see light of day. I put the other characters under the cut but left Blair and Serena visible. I don't think there's a perfect match for either and if I were to write this, Blair and Serena would both be OCs. Again, I don't think any Islander fully matches any of the GG characters but mostly because they're so ruthless at different times.

Blair Waldorf - Honestly, no one can match Blair. She is her own level and she's amazing, but if I absolutely had to cast her: Lexi. Lexi is so self-conscious and has a bit of low self-esteem. Though hers is her sister, Blair compares herself to Serena.

Serena Van Der Woodsen - Serena is so bubbly and captivates everyone. I would say Chelsea, but Chelsea is so much of a people pleaser that I don't think she would do a lot of the manipulating Serena did. Now it may be because I didn't do a female route in S8 but I could see Claudia being similar to Serena. She's sunshine and everyone loves her, but cross her and she won't let you forget that she could take that crown away from you before you could even comprehend.

Chuck Bass - Oh Chuck. Probably the best and worst lay of your life. Whoever could fit this super rich business guy with Daddy issues? Obviously this one is Hamish.

Dan Humphrey - Sadly, Dan is sneaky and the most manipulative of everyone and because he's a writer that wrote himself into the story...James. I hate it, too. Sorry.

Jenny Humphrey - This one was hard. I'm obviously going by personality here and not by how I have Dan casted so the Islander that fits Jenny the best and may spiral the way she did would be Jen. They both love fashion, a little edgy, have bite.

Nate Archibald - Again, I'm using affluent Islanders that would actually, possibly be apart of the UES (sorry Lewie you're not affluent). Nate is so boring to me and has no personality except for the fact that he's so perfect that he does no wrong and has this like, exceptional moral compass. He's always pushed by his parents to do things he's not really in favor of doing. Hmmm who else has that problem....Tom.

Georgina Sparks - Georgina is a whole ass mood. She's diabolical and is probably the smartest out of all of the UES. If I had to pick someone to be casted as Georgina, it would probably be Hannah. She flips a switch pretty quickly and doesn't seem to mind getting her hands dirty and pissing off that people she previously thought of as friends.

Carter Baizen - Sorry it's Eddie. I don't make the rules lmfao and I am a Carter apologist. I would have loved to see Serena end up with Carter in the end (yes, even over Nate).

Prince Louis - Youcef would so turn around and be a petty bitch. I do think Louis was actually a good guy but Blair played him the fool too many times for him to let that last one slide. Honestly? Justice for Louis because he was actually so good for Blair despite the little fit she pitched when he acted like he was just a driver on that date.

Lily - Oh come on! This one was so fucking easy. It's Juliet. I don't think I need to explain this one.

Rufus - This one was not easy. He talks about waffles a lot, but is also a good dad (okay, not always when it came to Jenny). Since he's really big into music...I don't know. I can't say Rocco, even though the hair is there, you know? Some part of me wants to say Max, but I don't know why. I think it's because I imagine that Max was similar to how Rufus was when he was young.

Eric Van Der Woodsen - I almost forgot Eric!!!!!! But he's just so special, I can't actually pick someone for him. Literally no Islander fits Eric, but I guess we can say Rohan or Tim. I just think Eric is so specific and the issues his character tackles are so important that you'd need an OC for him too.

Vanessa Abrams - In my GG x LITG universe, she doesn't exist. Bye.

[standingonmyjuicebox]

It all started with a Cab.

No, not a taxi. That's the wrong kind of cab. I'm talking about Cabernet Sauvignon. A Bordeaux grape that made it's way to America and is found to grow beautifully in California. Cab Sauv is the baby of Sauvignon Blanc and Cabernet Franc (both Bordeaux grapes). It's a big, bold, rich, fruity grape that offers high alcohol, high tannin and a full body. It pairs well with steak and also works as a cocktail wine. It's a great way to get into wine for beginners, and for more experience wine nerds it's a great varietal to collect and age. But I'm a little deep in the weeds. Let me slow it down...

Here's the quick story. I have been bartending since the day I turned 21. I had wanted to be a bartender since I was a kid and watched "Cocktail"...who didn't want to be Tom Cruise in that movie? Spinning bottles and making the girls smile and making a ton of money in the process. Who didn't want to move down to the islands and open a place called "Cocktails and Dreams"?

I worked at every bar I could. Dive bars, theater bars, restaurant bars, wine bars. I worked private events and catering events. Never did weddings. The opportunity just never arose. I also worked in a ton of restaurants and a server and a cook. I was a professional actor, which meant I was also a service industry professional. But it wouldn't become my career until around the year 2020. Some big cataclysmic event happened that sent my destiny in another direction. WINE!

But I think we need to start from the beginning.... Wine wasn't a big deal in my family. My aunt would drink Kendal Jackson, Turning Leaf, Franzia. And when I stole some I hated it. At the college parties when Boone's Farm and 2 Buck Chuck went around I understood it was swill and was only going to lead me to a severe hangover or upchucking and ruining the vibes.

When I started bartending, I was in this little dive bar in South Bend. My boss was an older woman who owned the place and I would pour her this awful white wine from a 1 liter bottle. That's all I really thought wine was. Just bitter grape juice with high ABV that I poured for people who had pour taste.

But there just had to be more to it! They wouldn't make movies like "Sideways" if wine wasn't a bigger deal. I had to keep exploring. I would go to the stores and try to find wine that I liked, but it felt like I reading another language. I mean...I was...but even the english words in wine culture seemed foreign and scary. I found a sweeter red wine that I managed to drink a couple bottles of, until I chugged one at a house party and turned the toilet bright purple. That was the end of that. I stuck with mixed drinks and beer for years after.

But then I moved to California and met a girl who would later become my wife. She grew up in a much different way than I did. She grew up in a well to do family, in California with a father who loved the wine world. My wife introduced me to wine by taking me to Temecula and Santa Barbara. I would go visit her parents with her and her dad would bring out bottles of California Cabs that were easy to drink. He wasn't looking to pair the bottle with food, it was a cocktail wine...and that's exactly what I was looking for.

I learned that I just needed to keep exploring the wine world. I still had no idea that I was going to dedicate my life to becoming a Somm. That wouldn't happen for another twelve to thirteen years. At this time I was just enjoying the fact that I was in California chasing my dreams and enjoying what I considered a sophisticated adult beverage. I was growing up and I was very proud to be around people who had more sophisticated pallets than I had.

As a budding sommelier, I don't drink as much California Cab as I used to. Southern Australia, Chile, Bordeaux, Washington state also offer some absolutely stunning expressions of Cab Sauv. But I still get together with my father-in-law and we pop open our favorite Paso Robles Cabs and share in the sense of nostalgia and comfort that these wines offer. He was truly the person who sent me on the path to love wine. He would deny this if you asked him, but it's true.

We went to Paso Robles and Santa Barbara multiple times. Each time I'd learn a little more. I'd watch some documentary, take James Suckling's Masterclass, read an issue of Wine Enthusiast. I was trying to understand this world. It would be a decade before I really got my sea legs and felt like I understood what the wine world was all about. (More on that later.)

I remember going to restaurants watching Bob pour over the wine book. I remember thinking, "Thank God he's doing this. I don't know what any of that means!" He was always trying to learn more about wine as well. The beauty of being a "professional wine guy" is that I am able to take us further down the rabbit hole than we thought we could go. The further down we go, the more fun it is. Having someone on the journey with you makes it all the more fun. My wife and mother-in-law enjoy the finer wines that come from it, though they seem to not be as excited about learning about malolactic fermentation and botrytis.

So, in closing, one question remains unanswered. What was the bottle that made me fall in love? What was that California Cab? It wasn't just one bottle. It was Soul Of A Lion from Dauo. I remember being up on Daou mountain, a light breeze blowing and the sun shining. A glass of the most beautiful Cabernet I had ever tasting resting in my hand standing with my future wife and father-in-law looking over the vines. "This feels like heaven."

Daniel Daou, founder of Daou, aimed to make the best Cabernet Sauvignon possible. He knew that he needed to find a place with the Calcareous Clay soils like Bordeaux. He found them in Paso Robles, CA where he became one of the first wine makers to bring and Cabernet Sauvignon clones. The result speaks for itself. If you ever get a chance to get a bottle, I recommend it. The feeling of that first sip is something I continue to chase. That chase used to be a hobby, but now it's my profession.