#and don’t let me start talking about the role jess has in this universe

[emmafallsinlove]

everytime i play tlou i just wanna sit & write my silly little gilmore girls tlou au aka rory as ellie and luke as joel

[watercolor-hearts]

i just saw your logan/george/alex universe and i'm obsessed with it actually

[First mention of the Logan/George/Alex universe.]

Hi dear ❤

Yesterday, in connection with this, I told you I can be too much sometimes. Well, now here’s the proof. Let me introduce you to my Logan/George/Alex universe in 10K words. (My longest “story” ever. 😂)

I love talking about my stories/universes but it feels weird to just simply write posts about it when nobody’s asked, so I usually just wait for games and asks to talk about them. This post is really long because it contains a lot of quotes from our conversation with my friend, @starlightiing Jess, with whom I created this universe. In the beginning I tried to simply just talk about it but after a while it turned into me putting our chat/role play messages into it because I felt like that’s the best way of showing how this universe works and what people’s personalities are like in it.

Important information: This universe is heavy on non-sexual cardiophilia because I’m a cardiophile and since I’ve got a cardiophile friend I became more open about putting heart things into my stories/universes, especially into ones we just talk about for fun with my friend. (We put heart things into everything because that’s what makes us happy.) So yeah, this is basically about hearts and the comfort they give. And there also are a few mentions of panic attacks and a detailed description of one towards the end. If any of these topics makes you uncomfortable, please don’t read this post. If you decide to read it, I hope you’ll enjoy it! ❤

And now let’s dive into this Logan/George/Alex universe:

Okay, so, I went back to reread the whole conversation where we built this universe with my friend and I realized that the thing that actually started it is the ask I received in connection with Logan’s heart and to which I made this drawing. I completely forgot that it was that ask that started it. 😀

I’m gonna quote some things I wrote to my friend to show how it started. So, after receiving that ask, I started thinking about it, about Logan’s heart and Logan himself, and wrote this: “Logan for me is like some kind of sad boy who’s alone with no close friends, trying to survive and show his potential that might be there, might not; someone that has the sad story where things didn’t turn out the way they should’ve and he’s left alone.”

This universe starts with George asking Alex how Logan is, because he had crashed out in the race and things aren’t going too well overall and he’s a bit worried about him and about how he handles these things. Alex tells him that Logan seemed upset, to which George replies with wanting to go and check on him and maybe try and make him feel a bit better. So they go to Logan’s room and they see that he tries to look okay but George knows that he isn’t. 

George offers a hug which Logan accepts but then things change quickly and Logan’s breathing becomes irregular and it worries George, especially when he sees Logan pressing his hand to his chest. But then he remembers Alex mentioning that Logan does this sometimes, especially before races, and Alex thinks it’s some kind of soothing mechanism for him. So George tries not to worry too much and helps Logan through this panic attack, his big hand resting on Logan’s back, telling him how to breathe to make it go away easier and when things calm down a bit, he asks Logan about this ‘hand on his chest’ thing. Logan tells him that it’s for comfort, to tell/show his heart that everything’s alright and he’s there and it’s fine, they’re in this together and they’ll get through it. George tells him that he has a similar soothing mechanism, putting his hand on his stomach, so he knows how much it can help and supports Logan in using it and asks him if it’s a thing where only his own hand helps or anyone else’s could, if needed. Logan tells him that so far he has only tried his own so he doesn’t know but if George wants to try, they can. George wants to, so Logan lets him put his hand on his chest. George’s so gentle and soft that it makes Logan immediately connect with him because he hasn’t felt anyone touch him like this in a long time and the closeness and gentleness does things to his brain. George smiles and tells Logan that he can feel his heartbeat but it’s starting to slow down and that’s a good sign, he’s done a good job with following George’s instructions. He keeps his hand there until Logan’s breathing goes back to normal. 

After this, they start talking about the race, the crash and Logan’s feelings. Alex gets them tea and George pulls Logan into a hug when he sees Logan needs it because he looks like he’s close to crying. Logan doesn’t know why he’s suffering so much and why can’t things work and he doesn’t know what to do and it’s just too much. He can’t hold it back anymore, he starts crying. George holds him close and lets him cry because he knows how much a good cry can help. And after a while, he notices that George’s slow heartbeat helps him calm down and he starts to drift off. 

Another quote from the messages I sent to my friend: “In the beginning he can’t even believe that George is there to hug him. Because okay, yeah, Alex is nice, they’re teammates, he’s there for him, but George. He doesn't have to. And he's still there. And holds him. For hours. When he could hold Alex instead or they could have a sexy time or anything else. But they’re there with him, talking about race mistakes they all have made (or suffer because of others) and then when George sees the tears in Logan's eyes, he can’t just sit there anymore, he has to hug him. And it comes as a surprise for Logan because he usually only gets pats on the back/shoulder. But a hug is different. A George hug. And in the beginning he doesn’t even know how amazing a George hug is. But when he realizes it's not just a quick hug and George positions himself to rest his back against the headboard, he starts crying because people don't do this to him anymore. They don't cuddle him. When he was a kid, they did, maybe. But he’s not a kid anymore. And he doesn't even realize how much he needs it, someone to hold him, feel their calm breathing, hear their heartbeat... He thinks he’s dreaming. But he isn’t. Not until the tears dry while Alex strokes his back or hair and he falls asleep.”

It’s usually George who provides the physical connection and the comfort and Alex is the one who talks and gives advice, but sometimes they do what the other does, too. I think it fits them to be there for someone who’s been alone and needs some love and support.

Next morning they have breakfast together and George makes Logan promise to call/text him if he needs him. Logan promises.

And then George actually gets a text a few weeks later. And Logan can’t believe George actually came when he shows up at his hotel room. He thought George only offered Logan to text/call him because he wanted to be nice to him. But he’s actually there and it means so much to Logan because he’s having another panic attack and he needs help. And this is the first time he was brave enough to text George. And George is there for him, pulls him into a hug and tells Logan never hesitate to text him if he needs him. Logan promises he won’t and nuzzles into George’s chest, feeling and listening to his heartbeat. It slowly becomes a comfort thing for him.

And after a while George and Alex basically adopt Logan and they’re always there for him when he needs them, whether he needs someone to talk to or just needs a hug or something. They’re there for him, and Alex and George have such a healthy relationship that it’s never a problem for Alex to see George being close to Logan, letting him snuggle into his chest, things like that. He’s not jealous because he knows how nice feeling it is to be pressed against George’s chest, feeling his breathing, hearing his heartbeat… It’s one of the best things in the world. And George would never say no to hug someone or let them listen to his heart if that’s what they need. He likes to help people.

When George notices how much his heartbeat and breathing helps Logan to calm down, he tells about it to Alex and Alex has the amazing idea of trying to record it (first with the shot glass technique) for Logan so he can listen to it even when George can’t be there for him. Especially after he leaves F1.

Another quote from a message I wrote to my friend: “Imagine George getting a ‘thank you for the recording. I listened to it again and it helped. It always helps.’ text every time Logan listens to the recording. It makes George smile. He’s glad he can help this way too. He never thought recording his heartbeat and breathing could help as much as it helps Logan. It’s a pleasant surprise for him. 

Now there’s a scene in my mind with Logan lying in the bed, earbuds in his ears, recording playing. He puts one of his hands on his chest and the other on his stomach, and he tries to match George’s breathing and heartbeat with the breathing technique George taught him. It’s not panic this time, it’s just the night of a difficult day and he needs a bit of comfort and calmness because his mind and heart is still racing and his body is tense. But concentrating on George’s heartbeat and breathing slowly helps him to calm down and it also eases the tension in his body. His heart slows down beneath his palm and he can sleep peacefully. ❤”

And another one: “He’d show the message to Alex and he’d tell him how happy and honored he is because he didn’t think a simple thing like this could help so much. “It’s just my heart and breathing. I didn’t think it's this big of a thing. It’s so simple. It comes with me, I don’t really think about it most of the time. But seeing what it means to him...” And Alex would say something like “It might be a simple thing to you but it means the world to someone else and it’s beautiful. It might be “just your heart” but that’s the point of it. It’s your heart. It’s your heartbeat, your breathing pattern, and in person your skin, your hug and your body heat. And your voice, if you talk, too. This is the beauty of it. That it’s all you. I’m glad you let him experience it. It means the world to him. I know, because it means the world to me, too.” And tears appear in George’s eyes.”

And after this Alex and George start making new recordings from time to time so Logan always has something new to listen to. “And when Logan sees it he's like ‘oh my God, But... But he didn't have to... And he still did it. Again. And he said he'd do one next month too.’ And he tries not to get emotional about it but it’s hard not to be because he really appreciates how much George (and Alex) cares about him.”

And after a while George wants to send more clear recordings (because the shot glass technique usually results in not so clear recordings) so they upgrade the setup from the shot glass to a stethoscope. “Imagine him sending a pic of it to Logan with a text that says ‘next recording in progress’. Logan would be like ‘holy shit man.’ And he’d start thinking really hard about what to do next time when they meet, to thank him/them for this. Because at that point a ‘thank you so much’ is not enough.”

“George, in a text message: ‘Let me know if there’s something that needs to be changed. We tried to make it as clear as possible but it’s not perfect. Also, if you have a spot preference for next time, let me know and we’ll focus on that. Here’s a pic of the spots and time stamps for the recording to know which you’re listening to when. I don’t know much about it, Alex helped with it.’ And Logan’s like ‘oh my god’ tries not to cry, heart beating like crazy ‘it’s perfect, it’s always perfect no matter what oh my god thank you so much again and always’, And he’s there, sitting on the edge of the bed, his heart beating out of his chest, listening to the newest recording and God, it’s so clear he can hear the valves open and close, the blood whooshing through them. It’s another level. He still doesn’t understand why George does this for him when he doesn’t have to. But he’ll forever be grateful for it.”

Also, something that’s important to mention is that George doesn’t really know that much about hearts, only those things he has to know for training, it’s actually Alex who knows a bit more than a normal person. In the beginning he does some research to make the recordings a bit more enjoyable for Logan, Googles how to use a stethoscope properly, what are the auscultation points, things like that, but then after a while he realizes that he might be into hearts. Okay, not all hearts but George’s heart. It’s not that big of a thing for him but it was nice to realize it. He mostly uses his knowledge to help Logan, but I’ll talk about it later.

“Logan lies down on the bed, closes his eyes and lets himself enjoy it. He doesn’t care his heart is racing, he knows he’s okay and it’s just some big emotions and it’ll calm down soon. He can’t wipe the smile off his face. And a few seconds later, he starts crying because it’s all too much and George’s so nice and Alex helping him with the recording and everything... He feels like he doesn’t deserve them. Even though George always says Logan deserves to be happy and if they can make him at least a bit happy with these recordings, then they’ll continue making them. 

After listening to this recording, Logan looks at the pic of the auscultation points George sent, and then goes and searches for more information about hearts, about the blood flow, the valves, and after seeing some gifs and videos, he can visualize George’s heart and how it beats, how the blood flows. He’s absolutely mesmerized by it. It’s even more incredible than he initially thought. George’s heart is so healthy, so strong and so beautiful... 

George doesn’t realize it, for him it’s just his heart, nothing special. He doesn’t really listen to the recordings because Alex does the editing but he loves seeing Alex’s face while he’s listening to it. He loves that there are people who love his heartbeat. He finds it really sweet.”

And after this I started thinking about Logan’s relationship with his own heart. (I know in the beginning there’s a mention about Logan having a special relationship with his heart but that part with the hand on the chest thing wasn’t in this originally, that was born after I finished working on the drawing. Originally this is the point where Logan starts to develop an interest towards his own heart.)

“And I think listening to George’s heart and using it as something that helps him calm down could make Logan have a closer relationship with his own heart, too. Because he could realize that after listening to George’s heartbeat for quite a long time, his heart can almost sync-up with it and it could help him appreciate it more. Because he has a strong heart that calms down easily with a little bit of help and it's healthy, there aren't any problems with it and it loves when Logan listens to George’s heartbeat because now it’s so familiar it’s easy for his to pick up the same rhythm and Logan loves when beneath his palm he feels almost the same as what he hears through the earbuds.”

“Also, a thing I think George would also do for him: another recording of himself but this time it’s not his heart but his voice, helping Logan through a panic attack. Talking slowly, using different breathing techniques in case one doesn’t work, counting techniques, ‘names this and that’ techniques, everything. Some encouraging words, “you're going to be okay, it’s just panic” “you’re not alone”, “you can do this”, “pay attention to your breathing, help your heart calm down with it”, “you’re doing a great job” and things like that, with breaks between the sentences so it feels more natural. I think George would really put himself into this and he’d make an amazing and really useful audio. 

And let's not forget about Alex, because this would be his idea and he’d be the one George would talk to during recording to make sure his tempo feels natural and he isn’t too fast with the things he says. And he’d enjoy this so much that he’d then make normal relaxation recordings too, and basically anything Alex or Logan wants. They both love his voice because it's soothing. And he loves making them happy. ❤”

All these heartbeat and breathing technique recordings happen after Logan leaves F1, and when we were discussing this, I thought the boys would also send nice voice/video messages to Logan, so here’s an example of that: 

“‘Big day today!’ George smiles to the camera, ‘First race in (whatever series) for Logan, right, Alex?’ Alex joins the video, also smiling. ‘Yes, big day for Logie bear! We wanted to send you a quick message before your day starts to wish you good luck and a really, really nice day.’ George nods and continues: ‘We’ll be following your race and there’ll be a surprise waiting for you after the race ends. We hope you’ll like it. You’ll see what it is so we won’t say more about it now. Keep your head high and push to the max.’ 

‘We believe in you.’ 

‘And we love you. Have a nice day and again, good luck for the race. We hope to see you smile a lot today, can you do that for us?’ 

‘Enjoy it, that’s the most important. Goodbye until next time!’ Alex waves and George joins too, and ends the video after saying goodbye.

I'm sure a video like this would make Logan's day. Oh, and what's the surprise, you might ask. Well, it's George and Alex being there at the track but only revealing it after the race not to put too much pressure on Logan. ❤ And when Logan sees them and runs into their arms, hugging both of them at once... Oh God…”

And at this point my friend mentioned that all of the stuff with George’s heart gotta eventually make Logan curious to listen with a stethoscope in person, so… Let’s see some quotes from those messages:

“After the race they’d call him to their hotel room (after he finished the debrief and everything he has to do) to spend the night with them because they know how much he misses cuddling with George and talking with both of them in person, and they think he really deserves it after not being able to do it for a long time. 

And when he gets there, everything’s the same at first, George hugging him, Alex making him tea like he usually does, then they sit down, talk a bit about the race, what was good, what could’ve been better, first impressions, things like that. And when they finished talking about this, then comes the main attraction, the stethoscope.”

“Alex just sets it down gently between them like it’s nothing at all. Like it’s normal and commonplace to just have a stethoscope there. George just looks up at Alex and smiles sweet and then looks back over at Logan. ‘Your show, if you want to use it.’”

“And Logan is like what, and he needs a moment to actually realize what’s going on because holy shit he wasn’t expecting this. He’d be happy with a cuddle and some ear stething, but this... This is insane and he can’t believe it. 

‘Touch it,’ George says, seeing the hesitation on Logan’s face, ‘Try it, if you want to. On yourself, me or even Alex, if you want to. We thought you’d appreciate it if we brought it with us for you to get to know it. I’s different than listening with your ear but it’s worth a try.’ 

All Logan can say is ‘woow.’ He lifts up the stethoscope, touches the dark blue tube, the mirror finish chest piece, and the earpieces. It’s lighter than how he imagined it, it surprises him that the only heavy part is the chest piece. It’s really new to him to hold something like this. He doesn’t even know what to say or do. ‘Would you like to try it?’ George asks. Logan nods. ‘On who?’

Logan looks up at George for a moment, then back at the stethoscope in his hands. ‘Can I try it on you?’ 

‘Of course,’ George nods, smiling, ‘You can try and discover the different spots by yourself but Alex can help if you want to, he’s pretty good at finding them.’ 

‘First you should try it by yourself,’ Alex says, ‘It's magical, I want you to experience it by yourself, listening to the different valves, discovering the differences between how they sound, it’s a special experience. You don’t have to be afraid of it, if it doesn’t work, we’ll help. But I’m sure you can do it, it’s not difficult.’ 

Logan nods and tries to put in the earpieces but Alex stops him. ‘You are supposed to use it the other way around. Sounds better that way.’ 

‘Ah!’ Logan smiles, trying to hide his embarrassment and turns it around, ‘Thank you.’

‘I'm ready if you are,’ George says after taking off his t-shirt and leaning to the headboard, waiting for Logan to start when he’s ready.”

My friend’s reply to this: “George is so cute, he’s so ready. Alex is proud too, the idea of someone listening to George’s heart and him getting to watch them do it is a bit exciting too. Logan might be a little nervous but George is as calm as they come. They’re all used to having their hearts studied and listened to. Alex will start him just in the center of George’s chest, not a real auscultation point, just a place to start, and let him experiment from there.”

So I made him experiment from there: “He is, he couldn’t wait for this since they talked about surprising Logan. ❤ 

Alex is so proud, he loves seeing how close George and Logan are to each other, it really warms his heart, and he’s proud of them, of George for being the amazing person he is, doing everything for Logan he can, and of Logan too, for being open about what he likes and how it helps him. They have a beautiful platonic relationship and Alex is glad he can witness moments of it and he can sometimes be a part of it, helping both of them to make their experiences even more amazing. 

And he loves seeing how much healthier Logan looks since he left Formula 1 and moved back to America to be close to his friends and family. He smiles a lot and he’s more energetic since then, and he doesn’t have as many panic attacks and bad days as he used to have. So he’s definitely made good progress. 

George is calm, he’s smiling softly, his breathing is calm and even, waiting for Logan to start when he feels ready. And then he feels the stethoscope in the center of his chest and he closes his eyes for a moment so Logan won’t feel like he’s being watched. 

Logan’s first reaction is a simple ‘woow’ as the chest piece touches George’s skin. The heartbeat he hears is so loud and powerful. It’s incredible. 

‘Can you hear it?’ Alex asks to make sure everything works well. ‘It... It’s so loud. Woow.’

‘Yeah, it’s a bit different than listening to it with your ear. If you listen closely, you can hear the valves open and close, the blood whooshing through them. If you move the chest piece around his left pecs, you’ll find the auscultation points, those are what doctors use when they listen to the heart. They all sound a bit different, feel free to try them.’ 

I love that George is just there, totally relaxed, eyes closed, waiting to be listened to, and Alex is like a good teacher, explaining things to Logan, gently guiding him. Their relationship is also a really special one. Different from George and Logan’s but just as special and that’s why the three of them work so well together. ❤”

And then my friend went into the auscultation part a bit: “Logan being so curious as he moves them around. ‘I know you’ve named them for me before but I don’t remember them. Can you tell me what I’m listening to?’ And just VERY curious about every single ‘different’ sound there is. 

Like why is the mitral valve so tiny? But the aortic valve is so deep and thumpy? Why can he hear blood flow better in some valves than others? A very curious little guy. 

Alex being there to answer all questions and correct positioning with the stethoscope. Instructing George to sometimes lie on his side, raise his arm up, ect ect all sorts of things doctors do to check for murmurs and certain conditions. Just so Logan can hear.”

“And after Alex has explained everything, Logan just sits there in front of George, listening to all the points over again and tries to name them by himself, with Alex nodding proudly every time. 

‘George’s gonna fall asleep soon,’ Alex slaps on George’s thigh to wake him up, receiving an elbow into his upper arm, making all three of them laugh. 

‘I was just enjoying the thorough examination, Alex,’ he pretends to be angry but he can’t, ‘But now you took me out of the zone.’ 

‘It’s okay,’ Logan says, taking the earpieces out and putting the stethoscope down. ‘Thank you so much for letting me try it on you, it’s an amazing instrument and your heart sound beautiful.’”

So this was Logan’s first stething experience, and after this I started thinking about whether he’d want to listen to his own heart. “I’m not sure, but I imagined this night as they’d tell Logan to stay with them for the night, he can cuddle with George, sleep between them, like good, old times. 

And maybe at night he couldn’t fall asleep. Alex next to him would already be asleep, Logan guesses George too, but George isn’t. He’d notice that Logan is still up and ask him what’s going on, why he can’t sleep. And Logan would tell him, he doesn’t know, he just can’t. This whole day was amazing and he can’t just let it go. He feels a bit strange, his heart is a bit too fast and he feels those strong beats that can't let him fall asleep. 

And then I think George would offer him to use the stethoscope on himself and if he likes it, he can buy one, too, and use it when he needs it, when George’s heartbeat doesn’t help or he simply just needs something else, a different grounding method. And then Logan would lie on his back, earpieces in his ears, chest piece on his chest, listening to his own heart while George pets his head to comfort him. And with George being there, taking care of him, his heart would slowly calm down.”

After this my friend mentioned how important it is for Logan to familiarize himself with his own little heart and understand its importance and then his heart can help him calm himself down. “There is something so inherently calming about feeling your own heartbeat come down from a rush. Like, it’s one of the most calming things.”

And then she asked if Logan would offer his heart to George at some point as a ‘thank you’, so I started thinking about it and this was my answer: “I think after his heart has calmed down, he asks George if he wants to have a listen. He knows George doesn’t really do that, it’s Alex who sometimes listens to him, but Logan still wants to ask because it feels right, after all the things George has done for him. A bit of listening might not mean much to George, he thinks, but he gets proved wrong when he sees George’s excited face. George never really thought about this, for him the most important was always Alex and Logan and making them happy with letting them listen, him listening was a bit rare. Ear stething not much, but with a stethoscope it was. He prefers cuddles and ear on chest, but when Logan offers, he can’t say no. For some reason it feels like a really big thing for him, Logan getting so comfortable with him that he lets George listen to his heart. Alex is his boyfriend, that's normal that he lets him, but Logan... That’s a totally different thing. Especially that in the beginning Logan didn’t really care about his own heart but then George's helped him discover it.” (Yeah, again a bit of a contradiction to the beginning, sorry. As I mentioned after another quote above, Logan originally didn’t really care about his own heart in the beginning.)

“Logan is probably a little surprised that george accepts, but George is a naturally curious person. Logan knows his heart inside and out, maybe he can give Logan a listen and see if he can get to know it just as well. He already knows Alex’s better than anyone EVER could, doctors be damned. Alex himself be damned.

So he closes his eyes and he listens hard. Very intent listening, very attentive, moving the steth around a few times, taking a listen to all the valves, listening for murmurs or anything of the like, nope, completely and totally perfect. Strong, steady, valves sound very strong and the turbulent blood is just barely audible as it should be.

He would smile at Logan. ‘Wow, quite healthy, that. Not that I'm at all surprised - but it’s nice to confirm for myself. Your heart sounds absolutely lovely.’”

“And Logan just shyly murmurs a ‘thank you’ because he doesn’t really know what to say because besides doctors, nobody ever listened to his heart before. So it’s a really new situation. But then he adds ‘I always do my cardio. I’d never dare to say no to Elias,’ he says jokingly, ‘But it was originally Benny who taught me the importance of it. And he made me start liking working out. I miss him sometimes, especially the workouts we did together. He always motivated me. Elias is nice, too, we get on well, but he’s different.’ 

George puts the stethoscope on the nightstand and settles down next to Logan. ‘It’s hard when you have to change trainers after working together for years. But I’m sure if Benny has time, he’d be happy to meet you for a workout and a nice conversation about both of your lives, days since you stopped working together. Sometimes it’s nice to meet when you don’t see someone for a while, you know, to catch up.’ 

‘I’ll text him and ask, thank you. It already helps a lot that we could meet, I’m sure meeting with him, too, would be the cherry on top.’ 

‘I’m sure he’ll make it happen. But now come here and sleep,’ he offers Logan his chest to snuggle, ‘It’s getting late.’ Logan snuggles into his chest. 

‘Sorry I kept you up.’ 

‘It's okay, I'm glad we could talk and listen to your heart. I hope now you’ll fall asleep easier.’

‘I'm sure I will,’ Logan says, eyes already closed. ‘Sleep well, George.’ 

‘You too, Logan.’ And George puts his hand on Logan’s back to pet him until they both fall asleep.”

In the next morning, Alex offers Logan to listen to his heart to give him the full experience.

“While sitting on the bed, waiting for Logan to fully wake up, Alex would be like: “How’s your heart?”

And then Logan, surprised but really awake after hearing this unexpected question, ‘My heart? Uh, it's fine, I guess. I mean…’ 

‘Don't worry,’ Alex touches his upper arm, ‘I’m just asking because we talked about George’s a lot but not much about yours, and while George told me he listened to it at night, he couldn’t give you the full experience because he doesn’t know that much about it. So we thought I could give you a check up, talk you through it as I listen to your valves, things like that. Anything you want, but only if you want to. No pressure.’”

“Logan is probably a bit self conscious at first. Having all of the attention on his own heart is a bit embarrassing and overwhelming, but he would eventually agree to it.

‘Yeah - I - okay, that’s fine.” he’s just a bit nervous about it, still not used to being the one in the spotlight.”

And this is the point where talking about boundaries came in the picture because how Alex started this was probably not the most ideal.

“And I think this would be a good opportunity to talk about boundaries and things like that. Alex telling him that he can say no if he wants to (even when they’re already doing it), Alex and George take ‘no’ really seriously and won’t push anything if it’s too much for Logan. They don’t want to force him into anything, and it’s totally understandable if it’s a lot now because they’ve done a few different things yesterday that were new to him and it’s okay if he needs time and doesn’t want another experience today. Alex is really, really patient with him when he explains it because he knows for him it’s not really new anymore, giving check ups to George, making recordings, things like that, but for Logan it’s really, really new and he has to be patient, go slowly with everything he wants to show him. Logan agrees to do it but Alex tells him they’ll do it after breakfast, so it won’t be a pretty shocking thing right after waking up and Logan has time to think about it and ask questions if he has any.

After the breakfast Logan tells Alex that he still wants him to do the check up and shyly asks him if he could like, somehow show or explain to him how to listen to his own heart, where to put the chest piece on himself, what he’s hearing on those points and things like that. He isn’t sure if Alex understands what he means but it’s not easy for him to explain it because it’s all new and a bit scary to open up about it because it’s his heart and it’s really different to just listening to George’s heart. Now he wants to understand hearts. And he knows Alex is the best person to help with it. 

George almost melts as he witnesses Logan telling this to Alex while Alex holds his hands and listens to him attentively. George understands what Logan means, and he knows Alex understands it, too. 

When Logan finishes explaining, Alex nods and tells him how they’ll do it. First Alex listens to a point, explains what he hears, then gives the stethoscope to Logan and lets him listen and ask, if he has any questions. And this is how they check every auscultation point, slowly, not rushing anything. George’s heart fills with so much love as he watches them from afar not to bother the moment. He knows Alex is gentle but seeing him being gentle with other people, paying attention to their signs, how they want to do things, everything, makes him so happy and he feels so lucky to have a partner like him.”

Logan gets to learn so many things about his heart and with Ale’s help he even finds his favorite auscultation point on himself. And by the end, he gains enough confidence to straight up ask if he could hear Alex’s heart, too. 

“Alex jokes with him about secretly waiting for this moment because he was jealous of George getting all the listening and attention. And then George from the other side of the room: ‘He’s lying, he doesn’t even like attention. He loves giving it, hates receiving it. Don’t feel bad, Logan.’ 

‘I've been exposed,’ Alex laughs as he takes off his t-shirt. ‘But he’s right, I prefer giving it and not receiving, but I’d love it if you listened to mine, too, and told me what you think. Would that be okay for you?’ 

‘Of course,’ Logan nods, ‘I'll try and use everything you’ve taught me.’

‘Don’t feel pressured to do it. Just enjoy, it’s not a med school exam or anything like that. I won’t ask questions about it, only maybe about your feelings and thoughts. If you want to talk about it.’ 

‘Okay,’ Logan smiles and puts the earpieces in, and then the chest piece on Alex's chest to discover his heart too.’”

And here we talked about Alex’s heartbeat a bit with my friend saying: “Alex probably has one of the BEST hearts to listen to if I’m honest. I bet it’s SO soft and so gentle and so slow.

So easy to fall asleep to, or be calmed by. It fits his personality so much.

Alex gets comfortable, too, he’s used to George listening here and there so it’s easy for him to just forget the stethoscope is even there. Takes steady, even breaths, and just lets Logan listen.”

And I said this: “Yeah, and it’s so overlooked most of the time because out of the two of them, George is the more physical, he lets people close quicker, comforts people with hugs and cuddles while Alex does it with words and maybe pets. He needs more time to let people close, to feel safe to do it. But now that he lets Logan close enough, Logan does his best to give some attention to his heart and use all the things he learnt from Alex. He wants to make Alex proud. 

He’s really surprised how different Alex’s heart is compared to George’s. It’s still a heart, a really healthy one, just like George’s, but it’s still different. Good different. 

He lets Logan take his time with listening to each point, going back to some of them he really likes or wants to compare. Logan doesn’t talk but Alex doesn’t mind it because George doesn’t usually talk during it either. So it’s not surprising, he likes when people get lost in their thoughts while listening to his heartbeat because it shows that they enjoy doing it. And that’s what’s the most important for him.

Seeing the soft smile on Alex’s face means everything to him. And when Logan starts telling him things about what he hears and they start talking about Alex’s heart, George feels so happy because Logan’s learnt so much and he sees how proud Alex is of him. These last two days are really two of the best days of their lives. Everything’s just so perfect. 

Logan loves Alex’s heartbeat. It’s so soothing. It’s so Alex. He can’t really explain it, he just feels it. Hears it. And knows it. 

After Logan’s finished listening, he asks Alex if he can put his hand on his chest. He’s a bit scared that it’s too much but Alex nods in a heartbeat without hesitation. But he’s verbal about it, too, to make sure. “Of course you can, Logan.” Logan thanks him and gently lays his hand on the center of Alex’s chest and closes his eyes to see if he can feel it. A few seconds later he feels Alex move his hand a bit. ‘Don’t worry, I’m just putting it to the spot where you can actually feel it, because I don’t think the center is the most perfect place for that,’ he explains and when he finds the spot, he presses Logans hand there, with the boy's fingers being exactly on the spot, feeling the powerful muscle rhythmically contracting under the skin. 

George’s having a hard time not to get too emotional about this whole chest touching thing, especially when Alex moves Logan’s hand to the spot. The spot he uses to help George calm down when he needs it. The spot only George knew about until now. This is the moment when George knows Alex’s reached the point where he feels safe enough to let Logan be as close to him physically as he can. And it’s a really big thing for all of them.” (The spot is the apex/point of maximal impulse at the fifth intercostal space.)

To this, my friend replied with this: “I like how it’s kind of - Alex is this soft sweet thing so eager to help and support others but he’s actually quite reserved letting others in for himself

and somehow Logan has broken through that and that’s why George gets so riled up about it. He is theirs, for sure. Unbreakable bond between those three.”

“He’s like, ‘well, if you want it, you’ll get it, there’s no reason not to show it, really’, because seeing that Logan really cares about his heart made him realize that he’s just as much part of this as George is. He was never jealous of what George and Logan have, but he knew that they’re closer/it’s a bit more special to them. But Logan showed him that their relationship is just as special. It’s different but that’s why it’s also special. George is his comfort person, he gets the best hugs and cuddles from him, but Alex... Alex is an amazing teacher and the way he talks about hearts (and basically everything else) is amazes Logan and he loves talking with Alex, loves learning from him and loves the support and guidance he gets from him. He really appreciates that George and Alex are this different because they fit together perfectly and the different ways they comfort Logan always makes him feel safe and loved because they always have a solution, no matter what the situation is. If he needs hugs, he gets hugs, if he needs someone to talk to, then he has someone to talk to. It’s so perfect and he’s really glad he has them in his life. 

Alex’s really sweet and loves to help and support but needs time to actually let people close because he needs to make sure he won’t regret it and the relationship is close (and strong) enough to do it. But once he does it, being a friend of his becomes a whole new experience. It’s nice without the physical stuff too, but with that it’s just simply amazing. He doesn’t do this with any other people besides George but Logan deserves it because he’s part of their little family of some sort. Because by now it’s more than just a friendship. It’s an unbreakable bond, just like you said.”

So yes, this is the point where their relationship becomes something special, something more than just a friendship. Their friendship has grown into something beautiful.

“A sweet thing, kind of an ending for their day, is that when it’s time to say goodbye at the airport and George hugs Logan, it’s a bit more emotional than they planned and they’re both crying, and George tells him that he doesn’t have to wait as much until their next meeting as he had to for this one. They’ll come back soon and spend more time with him and when he has time he can also go to their apartment and spend time with them there, he’s always welcome, he just has to call/text to let them know he wants to visit them. And by the end of saying goodbye, George’s voice is so thin that to the outsiders it looks like a really, really sad and painful moment, when in reality it’s not, it’s just... They just made their bond even stronger and now it’s difficult to say goodbye. But it’s not for forever, only for a few weeks, a month at most, if everything goes well. 

Seeing how broken they are, Alex decides to hug the two of them. One big, big, big hug to comfort them. He didn’t plan to be emotional but he is now. These two days have taught him so much and he’s so grateful to have these two amazing people in his life. In the beginning, he didn't think they'd have this strong relationship with Logan, and now they’re there, crying at the airport, not wanting to let go of each other. But they have to, slowly. When they finally let go of each other, they’re smiling as they’re waving, because they know that the distance doesn’t matter, this relationship can and will survive everything. And it’s not like they can’t meet pretty frequently or at least have phone/video calls and change texts until they get to see each other in person again. They try to find the positives as they part ways for a while. 

Until the next meeting. Which will be when they surprise Logan on his birthday with a stethoscope customized especially for him. ❤”

My friend’s reaction to it: “They love each other so much omg. I bet Logan is over the moon when he opens up his gift and it’s a customized stethoscope sobs he’s like ‘they can’t possibly GET better and then there they go, getting better anyway!’

That is so sweet. I love the love, it’s so good and happy and pure.”

This was the point when I told my friend I almost started crying like them. This story has grown on me so easily. It’s so important to me, and what’s the best in it is that this is not the end, there’s more to come, because yeah, they surprised him with a customized stethoscope. 

“Logan’s over the moon, because he doesn’t expect it. He mentioned to them that he was thinking about buying one but he wasn’t sure about it because he still listens to George’s (and Alex’s) heartbeat recordings more than he wants to listen to his own heart but sometimes he really wants to and for those times it’d be nice to have one. 

But they told him they’d talk about it in person and help him choose if he really wanted one. But then when they meet, there’s a box. With a stethoscope in it. And he can’t believe it. He can’t believe that these two love him this much even if he doesn’t do anything extra, he just tries to be happy and enjoy life and racing. He couldn’t wish for better people to be his found family. ❤”

After this I told her that we both knew how they spend the night now that they have two stethoscopes. “Imagine them both stething Alex. The person that hates attention and who’s really not used to his two favorite people caring about his heart at the same time.”

“If Alex’s being honest, he enjoys it because he trusts both of them and he deserves a bit of heart appreciation too. And they take really good care of him, all beats tracked, heart sounds checked, everything’s perfect. What an amazing way to spend Logan’s birthday and New Year’s Eve. The three of them together, stething each other, taking breaks to eat cake and drink champagne. Totally a dream come true for all three of them. No party could be better than this.”

This is where we ended the story, but then a few days later we brought it up again because my friend said that they work so well together that she could even imagine them in a romantic polyamorous relationship. The fact that she said this made me so happy I instantly jumped on the polyam Logan/George/Alex train. 

“Their romantic relationship would start with an accidental “I love you” from Logan to George after an emotionally (and maybe physically, too) difficult moment while he’s in George’s arms, being comforted. And when he realizes it, he’d run away (maybe to the bathroom or something) because of being too scared of what George (and Alex, oh my god) would think/say. But Alex would be quick enough to catch him before he’d close the bathroom door.

‘Hey, Logan, wait,’ Alex catches the boy’s hand, not letting him run into the bathroom. ‘S-sorry, oh my god, I'm so s-sorry.’ Logan’s shaking, his voice is trembling and he’s crying. His breathing is irregular, he gasps for air but it just makes the situation worse because he doesn’t actually get air into his lungs. 

‘Hey, breathe,’ Alex instructs him as they sit down in front of the bathroom door, ‘It's okay, Logan. It’s okay,’ he tries to make eye contact with Logan but it’s not easy, ‘You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You have to calm down, okay? So then we can talk.’

And when George realizes what’s happening, he runs after them and when he sees Logan hugging himself, he wants to run and hug him and tell him it’s okay, everything’s going to be okay. But Alex stops him. ‘Don’t,’ he touches George’s leg, ‘I know you want to help but maybe it’s better to try it from here, mhm? Maybe touching him would only make it worse now.’

‘Yeah, okay,’ George nods and sits down and watches Alex trying to help Logan. It’s really difficult to just sit there and not do anything when Logan’s clearly panicking. But he trusts Alex. He has helped George a lot, he knows what he’s doing. And maybe his method is better in this situation.”

Logan feels like he’s going to die. It’s too much and he’s scared and can’t breathe and he can’t make himself smaller and just disappear. 

“‘Logan, can you hear me?’ Alex asks, ‘You have to sit up straight or lie down on the floor or something, anything that doesn’t restrict your lungs, okay? We’re going to try and breathe together.’”

“Logan seeing George behind Alex sort of makes his heart clench up too, oh god, George is going to be so furious --- But Alex gets his attention. It takes him time before he would be able to reply, but he does hear Alex. ‘Uh…’ he will lie down. Scrambling further away from Alex, as far away into the bathroom he can get. And then he will lay down. ‘Yeah, okay. Okay.’ But god, his heart is racing so fast he feels it in his throat, like he's swallowing it down.’”

“‘Good job,’ Alex said, trying to concentrate on Logan while holding George’s hand to keep him as calm as possible. ‘Okay, now I’m going to start counting to help you calm your breathing down, please try and follow me. I’m going to tell you what to do at each step.’ 

And when Alex starts counting for Logan, George starts doing the breathing technique, too. He needs it, he needs to stop the panic before it gets stronger. Luckily Alex’s calm voice helps, as always. He hopes it’ll help Logan, too, because it breaks George’s heart to see him like that, so far away, struggling with breathing. He wishes he could hold him and tell him he loves him, too.”

And now not only Logan’s suffering but George, too. Poor Alex, one’s here, one’s there, but fortunately George can deal with it pretty well so Alex can put the focus on Logan. It’s pretty scary for George because he’s seen Logan panic a few times, they’ve gone through difficult situations together but he’s never seen him like this before.

“Alex’s got this. He’s good at this. He’s got George’s hand so he can put his thumb on George’s wrist and feel his pulse, know where he is in the panic… If he's calming down, ect. And he does calm down! Enough so that Alex doesn’t feel like he needs to monitor George anymore. 

Logan tries his best to follow the counting that Alex does, but it takes a few tries before he gets it right. He’s just worried that he’s ruined everything. The one good thing he has had in years…”

“When George starts feeling better, he starts thinking about what to say to Logan when he’s okay, too. He wants to show him that he’s loved and he has no reason to be scared of them, no matter what he says. 

‘Water,’ George whispers to Alex after a while, meaning he’ll go and get a glass of water for Logan for when he’s better. Alex nods and turns back to Logan. ‘You’re doing a great job,’ Alex says, ‘Can you feel your heart slowing down as you start breathing more regularly? Your lungs and heart work together, if you start breathing faster, your heart will also start beating faster. To help slow it down, the best thing you can do is to take some deep breaths. It’s not easy in the beginning but if you keep going, you’ll see the result. I can already see it.’

Logan closes his eyes and tries to keep doing the breathing. It slowly keeps getting easier, he can feel his heart slowing down beneath his palm as his lungs expand more easily. He can’t really speak yet but Alex tells him he doesn’t have to, he just talks to let him know he’s there and to provide an even and calming voice he can hold on to. 

‘Here’s the water,’ George says when he’s back. 

‘Thank you,’ Alex says with a soft smile on his face, proud of his boyfriend for wanting to help a minute after fighting with his own panic. ‘He’s getting better but we have to give him time. No running there and hugging, only when he’s asking for it or shows signs that he wants it. Okay?’ 

‘Okay.’”

“Logan feeling his heart slow down helps him feel like he’s going to be okay. He doesn’t feel like he's dying. He can think more clearly. Alex is helping more than he probably even realizes. 

Logan being brave enough to finally look over at Alex and make eye contact.”

“George leaves them alone because he knows it’s better for Logan to be with Alex now, he helps him more than George’s presence. 

Alex looks straight into Logan's eyes but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t talk, he just holds the glass in his hand, ready to give it to Logan when he asks for it. He’s glad Logan’s better now. 

‘Is George angry?’ is the first thing Logan asks, still lying on the ground, wanting to sit up but not having enough energy. ‘I remember him being with you but now I can’t see him…’”

“‘No, no, he’s not angry.’ Alex is quick to do some damage control on that. ‘H’'s worried about you, but there wasn’t much he could do to help you, so he’s waiting until you feel better.’ Softly smiles at Logan, gestures down at the water. ‘I can leave this in the middle of the room for you if you want it?’”

“‘I’m sorry,’ he says, taking a deep breath not to start crying again. ‘Please,’ he says when Alex mentions the water, ‘I feel thirsty. And tired.’ 

‘You don't have to apologize. We’ll talk when you’re ready,’ Alex puts the glass in the middle of the room, ‘It's normal to feel tired, panic attacks drain the energy. If you want to, you can sleep in our bed, it’d help.’ 

‘Thank you,’ Logan sits up to get the water and drinks a few sips, ‘I don't want to sleep. Not until... Until we’ve talked.’

‘We can talk now if that’s what you want,’ Alex offers. Logan nods. ‘Can... Can George come here?’ Logan asks, shyly, ‘I'm... I'm a bit scared but I want to apologize. For... For what I said. For this whole thing. For this whole day. I’m a mess today and you two have been so nice to me, helping everywhere and here I am, messing up everything because I’m stupid and can’t keep my mouth shut…’”

Logan really needs some slow, really gentle touches after some talking (for him to know that they still love him, and they love him that way, too, and they’re still the same people, they’re still safe to be close to), plus a lot of patience, love, comfort and a nice chest to snuggle to and fall asleep on. Slowly we’ll get there.

“‘I’ll bring him over, of course.’ Alex snaps to get George’s attention, and then gestures for him to come over. George would slowly make his way over, and sit next to Alex. He immediately smiles at Logan, hoping it’ll calm him a bit. 

‘Hi Logan.’ he says, and he leaves it at that. He doesn’t want to startle the poor boy after all this. Alex takes a deep breath, and gives the floor to Logan. ‘Whenever you're ready, at your own pace, okay?’”

“‘Thank you,’ Logan murmurs and waits for George to arrive. When he does, he sits in the corner of the room, far enough from Logan not to scare him. 

Logan nods to Alex and then looks at his hands on his lap, trying to find out how to start. But then he starts without any plans because he doesn’t want to make them wait for too long. 

‘I—I’d like to apologize,’ he starts and George immediately wants to cut in but Alex stops him. ‘For... For this whole day. For crying earlier, for the panic attack now, and for... For saying I love you. I—I don’t… want to apologize for… for loving you, I can’t control that. But I want to apologize for saying it. I should’ve kept it to myself. You two are in a happy monogamous relationship and I should’ve respected it. But I did not, and I’m really sorry about it and I hope that I didn’t mess up our relationship with it forever. I really hope so. Because... Because I love what we have and I don’t want you to feel like I want more and it’s not enough. It is, you make me happy, having you in my life is already more than what I imagined. I…’ he sighs and looks at George and then at Alex, ‘I don’t even know what I want to say. But I guess I just want to apologize and I hope... I hope I won’t lose you. But I understand if I’ve crossed a boundary with this. I think... I think this is all I wanted to say. Oh and thank you for the help. You’ve helped me so many times. I can’t be grateful enough. Thank you.’ 

George looks at Alex and then waits for a few seconds to see if Logan wants to add something else. When he stays silent and Alex nods, George opens his mouth and says, ‘I love you, Logan.’

It makes Logan smile. ‘You're so nice. But... For me it’s... A bit of a different kind of love. You don’t love me that way and it’s okay.’ 

‘We do, Logan,’ Alex says, ‘We love you. That way. We’ve been wanting to talk about it for some time now but we wanted to wait for the right time. We didn’t want it to have to talk about it like this, but now that we’re here, there’s no reason to keep it secret. We love you. We’re in love with you, Logan. Both of us.’”

“Logan just sort of chuckling in disbelief. ‘Right, of course you are.’ and laying back against the wall of the bathroom, hitting his head back against the wall. ‘Jesus christ, I can wake up at any moment now.’ 

And George is incessant. ‘Logan, we mean it. I know it’s probably quite a shock but it’s true. I know the timing is a bit muddled up, but…’ 

And then Logan sort of looks back over at them, studying them. Still a bit in disbelief but he swallows harshly.

‘It's not a sick joke?’ 

Alex frowning, ‘we would never do that to you, I promise.’ And then he just sort of goes boneless. Big relieved sigh. 

‘You love me? Both of you?’ 

‘Both of us,’ George confirms. And then Logan sort of laughs this breathy soft little laugh and crawls back over to them.”

“He crawls back over to them and pulls them close to himself for a group hug, trying not to cry, this time from relief. They’re in love with him. 

‘I could’ve spared this panic attack, I guess,’ he jokes as George pulls him to his chest and he closes his eyes for a moment as Alex rests his hand on Logan’s back. “Sorry about it.’”

“‘Don’t be sorry, how were you supposed to know?’ George is so soft and earnest, giving Logan the biggest hug ever. ‘I'm just sorry you had to suffer through it. I hate seeing you so scared.’ 

And it's true, seeing Logan well and truly frightened like that, it’s… It’s just awful.”

“‘Yeah,’ he sighs, ‘You’re right.’ 

‘We should go back to the bedroom, the bed is more comfortable than the ground in the bathroom.’

��‘Can we cuddle there?’ 

‘Of course,’ George says, hinting a kiss on Logan’s hair. “You can take a nap on my chest. Or on Alex’s. Would that help?’”

Here I sent a pic of George’s hair almost forming a heart shape, and then I incorporated it in my reply:

“‘Your hair,’ Logan’s eyes light up when they sit down on the bed and he notices George’s hair, ‘It's almost— Can I?’ he asks, gesturing towards George’s hair. 

‘Of course,’ George smiles, not really knowing what to expect as he feels Logan’s hands on his hair. 

‘Now it’s perfect heart. A just had to put the ends closer,’ he explains with a satisfied smile on his face.

‘Aww,’ George pulls him closer to kiss his forehead while Alex grabs his phone to take a pic of the moment. It’s going to be his new wallpaper. George’s heart shaped hair and him kissing Logan, a moment from the beginning of a new chapter in their relationship.”

The End

And this is it, the story of the really special and beautiful relationship Logan, George and Alex have in me and my friend’s universe. ❤

Thank you so much for letting me talk about it, and if you see this here, then thank you so much for reading this. If you stayed here through a bit more than 10K words, I hope you liked reading this and getting to know these three amazing people and a few moments of their relationship. They’re really special to me. I hope there will be some people who’ll think the same because I think Logan/George/Alex is a beautiful polyam couple. 

Also, if you’re still here and still interested in this universe, me and my friend have also talked about another story in this universe where Alex gets a fever and Logan’s the one who’s at home with him and he has to deal with Alex being sick alone, for the first time since they’ve been in a relationship. It’s much shorter than this, around 2K right now in the document but it has all of our unrelated little messages, too, so it’ll be even shorter when I delete everything that’s not the story. If you’d like to read that, too, send an ask. ❤

Also, I’m open to talk about this universe, hear people’s thoughts, headcanons or anything about it. I love reading people’s thoughts about my stories so if this has given you any little idea or anything, don’t be afraid to share it with me. ❤

Have a nice day/night. ❤

[typewriter83]

Pheww... Oh man, I missed this story.

So, let's Review!!!

First, I live how ellie's first instinct was going to Bill and Franks house after seeing her apartment wasn't an option that moment (and also, a little break to tell how much that whole scene seemed like two grandpas comforting and sheltering their granddaughter). We see that Bill knew (and was sure) about joel's affair with ellie since she started to speak about the fight, meanwhile Frank is also suspecting but doesn't jump to the conclusion as something verdict. I was as curious as ellie when she was overhearing their conversation (I was like "nooo" when we couldn't read anymore what frank was saying), and I'm very interested what they think about it. Anways.

Jesse and Dina. I already forgave Dina, and I'm on my way to forgive Jesse too. I feel like he's still reluctant to accept that a minor-not--minor is dating a grown man (he's such a good boy), but I feel like he's going to eventually not care anymore.

Tommy and Maria. Was hard not to be mad at them this whole chapter. Okay, I knew Tommy was maria's puppy, but I thought that after the church scene and everything he was going to kick the bucket and be like "you know what? Fuck it. Joel, do what you want 👍" but no, homeboy is really scared of having a divorce. Maria... Man I don't even wanna talk about her but I have to. Look, I understand her (If I saw a man dating an underage girl irl I would lose my head too) but she's so selective on the things she worries about, that's the part that she looses the reason to me. Ellie is not child enough to study, but she's child enough to have some religious therapy against her will. Ellie is not a little girl enough to be forced to live with her and tommy, but she's a little girl whenever she's next to big bad wolf Joel? She contradicts herself. It's like Bill said, Maria was just waiting for Joel to step on thin Ice, at the first opportunity to label him a pedophile, she did so. I hope she feels really guilty about what happened to ellie, because even tho I know the the aggressor is the only one who is to blame, maria also has at least a finger on this whole shit too. Ellie said everything she deserved to hear.

Talking about ellie... SHE SAYS SHE LOVES HIM AAAAKSJKSJDJDJD oh god, okay let's breathe. Okay, so, I really thought Joel would be the first one to say these little words (I usually love when it happens like that; the man confessing first) but I like how ellie did there, with no fear (I really I thought Maria was going to faint at that or scream like a banshee. Imagine if ellie had said "oh, and I'm pregnant too" lmao). This leads me to think that joel is going to say he loves her too next chapter (I'm wondering if it's before the 🌶️🌶️🌶️👀).

Also, when you say you gonna end this arc and planning others, that means the story is not close to ending, right? You think this will be a long fic or no? Honestly I wouldn't even care if you wrote about their daily life even if there's no drama plot anymore, I got so attached to It.

Anways, loved the chapter and now I can't wait for more (I can tho)❤️

Sweet cub, you always have the most extensive, amazing analysis - if you’re the same cub that always leaves these comments 🩷

Let’s dig in: chapter 10 spoilers below

I’ve missed this story too, and like everything else, writing angst, drama and action takes extra time, and time was not something I had to offer of the summer. Now that we’re into the school year I have more time to dedicate to this. To answer the end of your comment: this is a long story, and the second one will be long (hopefully) as I have some ideas for the next arc. Will it be 100k words long? I don’t know how big it’ll be. But I do have another story to tell in this universe.

I love having Bill and Frank here - I have more planned for them, interacting with Joel and making a role in the town. Frank wants to see the best in everyone, including Joel, and he wants what’s best for the town - Frank should be on the council, but he’s just too kind and gentle, best for the grandpas to run their little corner of Jackson and take care of the people in their own way. But Bill, I think he’s the type that as long as no one is getting hurt, it’s the end of the world and there are no rules.

I have a soft spot for Jesse and Ellie’s relationship in all universes, so we had to mend that wound. Also, keep an eye on Jesse as we start to navigate Tommy…

Speaking of Tommy. Tommy has a lot at stake: his marriage, his son, his brother, his status in town - he’s made a name for himself in Jackson, a good name. People trust him, look to him as a de facto leader and even Joel doesn’t want to ruin that. I mentioned in an earlier response that Maria needs to be knocked down a few pegs, needs to get things into perspective - she also has a lot at stake, a lot to lose if she’s not careful. I think Maria wants to keep such a tight grip on the safety of Jackson, that her intentions are good, but the way she goes about it isn’t always great. I’m not saying Maria is gonna make a 180 before the story is over, but she’s got some soul searching to do.

I wish I could remember where I posted a headcanon about Ellie and “But Daddy I Love Him” - it basically looks like what you said. “Maria, there’s really nothing you can do - I’m having his baby” and Joel is standing there looking her over like… what? Yeah, ok, don’t mess with my girl… and he kind of leans close. “What are you doing? Because we haven’t… you know…” “Joel, if you can’t say sex or fuck, then you’re not ready for it… also, no, of course I’m not. But you should see your face” 🤭

Joel has said those little words first in most of my stories, and I love that, too. However, Ellie shouting it in her tirade, before she’s even said it to him had speaks volumes. The spice in the next chapter… well, I enjoyed writing it 🤭🤭 I hope you enjoy reading it. Our girl was traumatized and at some point, she needs Joel… that’s all I’m saying.

I’m so glad you enjoyed 🩷 it was a lot to write but I wanted to cross that 100k milestone, and here we are! I’m pivoting to the other story, for at least one if not two chapters before coming back here for the finale

🫶🏻

[oscopelabs]

Isn’t Everything Autobiographical?: Ethan Hawke In Nine Films And A Novel by Marya Gates

When asked during his first ever on-camera interview if he’d like to continue acting, a young Ethan Hawke replied, “I don’t know if it’s going to be there, but I’d like to do it.” He then gives a guileless shrug of relief as the interview ends, wiping imaginary sweat off his brow. The simultaneous fusion of his nervous energy and poised body language will be familiar to those who’ve seen later interviews with the actor. The practicality and wisdom he exudes at such a young age would prove to be a through-line of his nearly 40-year career. In an interview many decades later, he told Ideas Tap that many children get into acting because they’re seeking attention, but those who find their calling in the craft discover that a “desire to communicate and to share and to be a part of something bigger than yourself takes over, a certain craftsmanship—and that will bring you a lot of pleasure.”

Through Hawke’s dedication to his craft, we’ve also seen his maturation as a person unfold on screen. Though none of his roles are traditionally what we think of when we think of autobiography, many of Hawke’s roles, as well as his work as a writer, suggest a sort of fictional autobiographical lineage. While these highlights in his career are not strictly autofiction, one can trace Hawke’s Künstlerromanesque trajectory from his childhood ambitions to his life now as a man dedicated to art, not greatness. 

Hawke’s first two films, Joe Dante’s sci-fi fantasy Explorers with River Phoenix and Peter Weir’s Dead Poets Society with Robin Williams, set the tone for a diverse filmography filled with popcorn fare and indie cinema in equal measure, but they also served as touchstones in his development as person drawn to self-expression through art. In an interview with Rolling Stone’s David Fear, Hawke spoke about the impact of these two films on him as an actor. When River Phoenix, his friend and co-star in Explorers, had his life cut short by a drug overdose, it hit Hawke personally. He saw from the inside what Hollywood was capable of doing to young people with talent. Hawke never attempted to break out, to become a star. He did the work he loved and kept the wild Hollywood lifestyle mostly at arm’s length. 

Like any good film of this genre, Dead Poets Society is not just a film about characters coming of age, but a film that guides the viewer as well, if they are open to its message. Hawke’s performance as repressed schoolboy Todd in the film is mostly internal, all reactions and penetrating glances, rather than grandiose movements or speeches. Through his nervy body language and searching gaze, you can feel both how closed off to the world Todd is, and yet how willing he is to let change in. Hawke has said working on this film taught him that art has a real power, that it can affect people deeply. This ethos permeates many of the characters Hawke has inhabited in his career. 

In Dead Poets Society, Mr. Keating (Robin Williams) tells the boys that we read and write poetry because the human race is full of passion. He insists, “poetry, beauty, romance, love—these are what we stay alive for.” Hawke gave a 2020 TEDTalk entitled Give Yourself Permission To Be Creative, in which he explored what it means to be creative, pushing viewers to ask themselves if they think human creativity matters. In response to his own question, he said “Most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about poetry, right? They have a life to live and they’re not really that concerned with Allen Ginsberg’s poems, or anybody’s poems, until their father dies, they go to a funeral, you lose a child, somebody breaks your heart, they don’t love you anymore, and all of the sudden you’re desperate for making sense out of this life and ‘has anyone ever felt this bad before? How did they come out of this cloud?’ Or the inverse, something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes. You love them so much, you can’t even see straight, you know, you’re dizzy. ‘Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?’ And that’s when art is not a luxury. It’s actually sustenance. We need it.” 

Throughout many of his roles post-Dead Poets Society, Hawke explores the nature of creativity through his embodiment of writers and musicians. Often these characters are searching for a greater purpose through art, while ultimately finding that human connection is the key. Without that human connection, their art is nothing.

We see the first germ of this attraction to portray creative people on screen with his performance as Troy Dyer in Reality Bites. As Troy Dyer, a philosophy-spouting college dropout turned grunge-band frontman in Reality Bites, Hawke was posited as a Gen-X hero. His inability to keep a job and his musician lifestyle were held in stark contrast to Ben Stiller’s yuppie TV exec Michael Grates. However in true slacker spirit, he isn’t actually committed to the art of music, often missing rehearsals, as Lelaina points out. Troy even uses his music at one point to humiliate Lelaina, dedicating a rendition of “Add It Up” by Violent Femmes to her. The lyrics add insult to injury as earlier that day he snuck out of her room after the two had sex for the first time. Troy’s lack of commitment to his music matches his inability to commit to those relationships in his life that mean the most to him. 

Reality Bites is also where he first positioned himself as one of the great orators of modern cinema.” Take this early monologue, in which he outlines his beliefs to Winona Ryder’s would-be documentarian Lelaina Pierce: “There’s no point to any of this. It’s all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know, a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter become a cackle, and I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.” 

Hawke brings the same intense gaze to this performance as he did to Dead Poets Society, as if his eyes could swallow the world whole. But where Todd’s body language was walled-off, Troy’s is loud and boisterous. He’s quick to see the faults of those around him, but also the good things the world has to offer. It’s a pretty honest depiction of how self-centered your early-20s tend to be, where riding your own melt seems like the best option. As the film progresses, Troy lets others in, saying to Lelaina, “This is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You, me and five bucks.”

Like the character, Hawke was in his early twenties and as he would continue to philosophize through other characters, they would age along with him and so would their takes on the world. If you only engage with anyone at one phase in their life, you do a disservice to the arc of human existence. We have the ability to grow and change as we learn who we are and become less self-centered. In Hawke’s career, there’s no better example of this than his multi-film turn as Jesse in the Before Trilogy. While the creation of Jesse and Celine are credited to writer-director Richard Linklater and his writing partner Kim Krizan, much of what made it to the screen even as early as the first film were filtered through the life experiences of Hawke and his co-star Julie Delpy. 

In a Q&A with Jess Walter promoting his most recent novel A Bright Ray of Darkness, Hawke said that Jesse from the Before Trilogy is like an alt-universe version of himself, and through them we can see the self-awareness and curiosity present in the early ET interview grow into the the kind of man Keating from Dead Poets Society urged his students to become. 

In Before Sunrise, Hawke’s Jesse is roughly the same age as Troy in Reality Bites, and as such is still in a narcissistic phase of his life. After spending several romantic hours with Celine in Vienna, the two share their thoughts about relationships. Celine says she wants to be her own person, but that she also desperately wants to love and be loved. Jesse shares this monologue, “Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband. And sometimes it feels really close. But then other times it seems silly, like it would ruin my whole life. And it’s not just a fear of commitment or that I’m incapable of caring or loving because. . . I can. It’s just that, if I’m totally honest with myself, I think I’d rather die knowing that I was really good at something. That I had excelled in some way than that I’d just been in a nice, caring relationship.”

The film ends without the audience knowing if Jesse and Celine ever see each other again. That initial shock is unfortunately now not quite as impactful if you are aware of the sequels. But I think it is an astute look at two people who meet when they are still discovering who they are. Still growing. Jesse, at least, is definitely not ready for any kind of commitment. Then of course, we find out in Before Sunset that he’s fumbled his way into marriage and fatherhood, and while he’s excelling at the latter, he’s failing at the former. 

As in Reality Bites, Hawke explores the dynamics of band life again in Before Sunset, when Jesse recalls to Celine how he was in a band, but they were too obsessed with getting a deal to truly enjoy the process of making music. He says to her, “You know, it's all we talked about, it was all we thought about, getting bigger shows, and everything was just...focused on the future, all the time. And now, the band doesn't even exist anymore, right? And looking back at the... at the shows we did play, even rehearsing... You know, it was just so much fun! Now I'd be able to enjoy every minute of it.”

The filming of Before Sunset happened to coincide with the dissolution of Hawke’s first marriage. And while these films are not autobiographical, everyone involved have stated that they’ve added personal elements to their characters. They even poke fun at it in the opening scene when a journalist asks how autobiographical Jesse’s novel is. True to form, he responds with a monologue, “Well, I mean, isn’t everything autobiographical? I mean, we all see the world through our own tiny keyhole, right? I mean, I always think of Thomas Wolfe, you know. Have you ever seen that little one page note to reader in the front of Look Homeward, Angel, right? You know what I'm talking about? Anyway, he says that we are the sum of all the moments of our lives, and that, anybody who sits down to write is gonna use the clay of their own life, that you can’t avoid that.”

While Before Sunset was shot in 2003, released in 2004 and this monologue refers to the fictional book within the trilogy entitled This Time, Hawke would take this same approach more than a decade later with his novel A Bright Ray of Darkness.

In the novel, Hawke crafts a quasi-autobiographical story, using his experience in theater to work through the perspective he now has on his failed marriage to Uma Thurman. Much like Jesse in Before Sunset, Hawke is reluctant to call the book autobiographical, but the parallels to his own divorce are evident. And as Jesse paraphrased Wolfe, isn’t everything we do autobiographical? In the book, movie star William Harding has blown up his seemingly picture-perfect marriage with a pop star by having an affair while filming on location in South Africa. The book, structured in scenes and acts like a play, follows the aftermath as he navigates his impending divorce, his relationship with his small children, and his performance as Hotspur in a production of Henry IV on Broadway. 

Throughout much of the novel, William looks back at the mistakes he made that led to the breakup of his marriage. He’s now in his 30s and has the clarity to see how selfish he was in his 20s. Hawke, however, was in his forties while writing the book. Through the layers of hindsight, you can feel how Hawke has processed not just the painful emotional growth spurt of his 20s, but also the way he can now mine the wisdom that comes from true reflection. Still, as steeped as the novel is in self-reflection, it does not claim to have all the answers. In fact, it offers William, as well as the readers, more questions to contemplate than it does answers.

The wisdom to know that you will never quite understand everything is broached by Hawke early in the third film in the Before Trilogy, 2013’s Before Midnight. At this point in their love story, Jesse’s marriage has ended and he and Celine are parents to twin girls. Jesse has released two more books: That Time, which recounts the events of the previous film, and Temporary Cast Members of a Long-Running But Little Seen Production of a Play Called Fleeting. Before Midnight breaks the bewitching spell of the first two films by adding more cast members and showing the friction that comes with an attempt to grow old with someone. When discussing his three books, a young man says the title of his third is too long, Jesse says it wasn’t as well loved, and an older professor friend says it’s his best book because it’s more ambitious. It seems Linklater and company already knew how the departure of this third film might be regarded by fans. But it is this very departure that shows their commitment to honestly showing the passage of time and our relationship to it. 

About halfway through the film Jesse and Celine depart the Greek villa where they have been spending the summer, and we finally get a one-on-one conversation like we’re used to with these films. In one exchange, I feel they summarize the point of the entire trilogy, and possibly Hawke’s entire ethos: 

Jesse: Every year, I just seem to get a little bit more humbled and more overwhelmed about all the things I’m never going to know or understand. 

Celine: That’s what I keep telling you. You know nothing!

Jesse: I know, I know! I'm coming around! 

[Celine and Jesse laugh.] 

Celine: But not knowing is not so bad. I mean, the point is to be looking, searching. To stay hungry, right?

Throughout the series, Linklater, Delpy, and Hawke explore what they call the “transient nature of everything.” Jesse says his books are less about time and more about perception. It’s the rare person who can assess themselves or the world around them acutely in the present. For most of us, it takes time and self-reflection to come to any sort of understanding about our own nature. Before Midnight asks us to look back at the first two films with honesty, to remove the romantic lens with which they first appeared to us. It asks us to reevaluate what romance even truly is. 

Hawke explores this same concept again in the 2018 romantic comedy Juliet, Naked. In this adaptation of the 2009 Nick Hornby novel, Hawke plays a washed-up singer-songwriter named Tucker Crowe. He had a big hit album, Juliet, in the early ‘90s and then disappeared into obscurity. Rose Bryne plays a woman named Annie whose longtime boyfriend Duncan is obsessed with the singer and the album, stuck on the way the bummer songs about a bad breakup make him feel. As the film begins, Annie reveals that she thinks she’s wasted 15 years of her life with this schmuck. This being a rom-com, we know that Hawke and Byrne’s characters will eventually meet-cute. What’s so revelatory about the film is its raw depiction of how hard it is for many to reassess who they really are later in life. 

Duncan is stuck as the self-obsessed, self-pitying person he likely was when Annie first met him, but she reveals he was so unlike anyone else in her remote town that she looked the other way for far too long. Now it’s almost too late. By chance, she connects with Crowe and finds a different kind of man.

See, when Crowe wrote Juliet, he also was a navel-gazing twentysomething whose emotional development had not yet reached the point of being able to see both sides in a romantic entanglement. He worked through his heartbreak through art, and though it spoke to other people, he didn’t think about the woman or her feelings on the subject. In a way, Crowe’s music sounds a bit like what Reality Bites’s Troy Dyer may have written, if he ever had the drive to actually work at his music. Eventually, it’s revealed that Crowe walked away from it all when Julie, the woman who broke his heart, confronted him with their child—something he was well aware of, but from which he had been running away. Faced with the harsh reality of his actions and the ramifications they had on the world beyond his own feelings, he ran even farther away from responsibility. In telling the story to Annie, he says, “I couldn’t play any of those songs anymore, you know? After that, I just... I couldn’t play these insipid, self-pitying songs about Julie breaking my heart. You know, they were a joke. And before I know it, a couple of decades have gone by and some doctor hands me... hands me Jackson. I hold him, you know, and I look at him. And I know that this boy. . . is my last chance.”

When we first meet Crowe, he’s now dedicated his life to raising his youngest son, having at this point messed up with four previous children. The many facets of parenthood is something that shows up in Hawke’s later body of work many times, in projects as wholly different as Brooklyn’s Finest, Before Midnight, Boyhood, Maggie’s Plan, First Reformed, and even his novel A Bright Ray of Darkness. In each of these projects, decisions made by Hawke’s characters have a big impact on their children’s lives. These films explore the financial pressures of parenthood, the quirks of blended families, the impact of absent fathers, and even the tragedy of a father’s wishes acquiesced without question. Hawke’s take on parenthood is that of flawed men always striving to overcome the worst of themselves for the betterment of the next generation, often with mixed results. 

Where Juliet, Naked showed a potential arc of redemption for a father gone astray, First Reformed paints a bleaker portrait. Hawke plays Pastor Toller, a man of the cloth struggling with his own faith who attempts to counsel an environmental activist whose impending fatherhood has driven him to suicidal despair. Toller himself is struggling under the weight of fatherhood, believing he sent his own son to die a needless death in a morally bankrupt war. Sharing the story, he says “My father taught at VMI. I encouraged my son to enlist. It was the family tradition. Like his father, his grandfather. Patriotic tradition. My wife was very opposed. But he enlisted against her wishes. . . .  Six months later he was killed in Iraq. There was no moral justification for this conflict. My wife could not live with me after that. Who could blame her? I left the military. Reverend Jeffers at Abundant Life Church heard about my situation. They offered me a position at First Reformed. And here I am.” How do we carry the weight of actions that affect lives that are not even our own? 

If Peter Weir set the father figure template in Dead Poets Society, and Paul Schrader explored the consequences of direct parental influence on their children’s lives, director Richard Linklater subverts the idea of a mentor-guide in Boyhood, showing both parents are as lost as the kid himself. When young Mason (Ellar Coltrane) asks his dad (Hawke) what’s the point of everything, his reply is “I sure as shit don’t know. Nobody does. We’re all just winging it.” As the film ends, Mason sits atop a mountain with a new friend he’s made in the dorms discussing time. She says that everyone is always talking about seize the moment—carpe diem!—but she thinks it’s the other way around. That the moments seize us. In Reality Bites, Troy gets annoyed at Lelaina’s constant need to “memorex” everything with her camcorder, yet Boyhood is a film about capturing a life over a 12-year period. The Before Trilogy checks in on Jesse and Celine every nine years. Hawke’s entire career. in fact, has captured his growth from an awkward teen to a prolific artist and devoted father, a master of his craft and philosopher at heart. 

[clairenatural]

look at you, strawberry blond

destiel, 1.8k. pining, fluff, growing up together, etc! minor character/parental death, vague mention of John’s A+ Parenting. based on the mitski song  (this is a repost because the first one got deleted)

I love everybody because I love you

Castiel first learns what love is when he’s eight years old and Gabriel, sixteen, is grumbling about driving an hour out of his way to find his girlfriend the rare chocolates she likes for Valentine’s day.

“Why?” he asks his older brother, and Gabriel sighs, melodramatic as always.

“That’s love, little bro. Remembering the little things and then putting in the time to make it happen.”

Cas thinks about when he told Dean his parents don’t let him eat candy. He thinks about how Dean has given him half his Kit Kat bar every day for the last year.

He thinks about the time he scraped his knee falling off the jungle gym and Dean spent the rest of recess picking dandelions to make him feel better. Yellow is his favorite color.

“Oh.”

“You’ll understand when you’re older, Cassie. Love is about sacrifice, and commitment--” he goes on, but by the time Michael cuts him off, yelling from his office that you’ve only been dating for two months, Gabriel, stop preaching to Castiel, Cas has already sprinted up the stairs to his bedroom.

A broken piggy bank, $1.50 in pocket change, and several pleas to Gabriel later, and Castiel tucks a king-sized Kit Kat into Dean’s valentine box.

 --------------------------------------

When you stood up, walked away, barefoot

It’s eight years later, one summer in high school, when Castiel realizes that there’s a difference between loving and being in love, and that he is, in fact, in love with his best friend.

He realizes this as he watches Dean walk away, sandals discarded and unnecessary in the soft grass, back to the picnic tables to get them both more fruit punch. It’s the annual junior class picnic, the official welcome to being upperclassmen, and the August sun casts a warm glow over Dean’s freckles, and Castiel knows.

Two seconds later, he watches Dean nearly get hit by an errant frisbee and completely forget his punch mission in lieu of playfully tackling its thrower, Benny Lafitte. He watches Lisa Braden, giggly and glowing and perfect as always, yelp as she’s almost caught in the crossfire, and Dean winks at her as he releases Benny.

He swallows thickly and turns his attention back to the patch of grass they’d been laying in, flattened where Dean had been just a few moments before. He wishes he hadn’t come to this particular realization.

And the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape I looked over it and I ached

--------------------------------------

I love everybody because I love you I don't need the city, and I don't need proof

Castiel goes to college in Chicago and pretends like the two-hour drive between them doesn’t mean anything. And it doesn’t, until Dean’s father gets a job back in Kansas halfway through his freshman year. Dean goes with him even though he’s an adult because the alternative is letting Sam deal with John alone, so Castiel spends most of that summer in Lawrence, dodging both his friends in the big city and his family back in Pontiac. He tells them all that he’s studying Kansas’ role in the Civil War, assisting in research back at the University, but he and Dean spend two months going on road trips with Sam.

His sophomore year John dies and Castiel flies back for the weekend, explaining his sudden departure as a family emergency and getting an extension on two papers. Dean holds his hand at the funeral but won’t look him in the eyes for two hours after, even as he refuses to leave Castiel’s side.

The boys move in with Bobby but that summer Dean shows up in Chicago, explanations lined up about not worrying about Sam anymore and wanting to see what about the city made Cas keep coming back. Castiel gets an internship and pretends like that was the plan all along. He quietly cancels his plane tickets to South Dakota.

All I need, darling, is a life in your shape I picture it, soft, and I ache

--------------------------------------

Reach out the car window, trying to hold the wind You tell me you love her; I give you a grin

Dean stays in Chicago. He moves into Castiel’s empty room when his original roommate moves out, he finds work at an auto shop, and he starts taking mechanic classes at a community college. Castiel isn’t sure why—he doesn’t want to ask. Afraid to look the gift horse in the mouth and risk having his happiness bitten off.

Then Dean starts talking about a girl. Then Castiel meets the girl, Cassie Robinson, and it all makes sense.  

He pretends it doesn’t sting every time Dean brings her up, that the way his face lights up doesn’t burn, that he doesn’t feel physically ill the first time he meets her.

By the time Dean tells him he’s in love, gushing about Cassie in a way eerily reminiscent of Gabriel twelve years earlier, it’s turned into a dull ache that Castiel has mostly contained in the back of his chest. They’re on their way to Cassie’s apartment, the first stop on their way to a cabin spring break of their junior year, and the ache is suddenly threatening to break through his ribcage.

But the sun is warm on his cheek, and the radio is playing a soft summer soundtrack, so Castiel allows Dean’s happiness to wash over him long enough to forget who—or, more importantly, who isn’t—causing it. He grins at his best friend before turning his gaze back out the passenger window of the Impala.

Oh all I ever wanted was a life in your shape So I follow the white lines, follow the white lines, Keep my eyes on the road as I ache

--------------------------------------

Look at you, strawberry blond

Dean and Cassie break up, and Dean drinks for a month, but Castiel getting into Stanford for grad school distracts him just long enough to go back to normal (a normal that does not involve thinking about how Dean nearly kissed him when they were both drunk the night he got his acceptance).

This new normal involves staring graduation in the face, and California beyond that, and moving out of his Chicago apartment somewhere in this middle, which also involves coming to terms with moving away from Dean.

Until Sam gets his own acceptance to Stanford a few months later. Then Dean starts sending him links to two-bedroom apartments, and using “we” when talking about the move, and looks just as confused as Castiel when he asks about it.

“Well, yeah. I mean, with you gone, and now Sam—You thought you were going by yourself?”

And even though Castiel vaguely thinks this is a bad idea, and living with his best friend who he’s been in love with for his entire memory had been hard enough for the two years they’d been doing it, he can’t say no. Because every time he gets up the nerve to say something Dean calls him over and shoves his laptop into Castiel’s face, talking about hiking trails and flower fields and front lawns and dogs, and that quells any doubt he had.

They move to Palo Alto, into a townhouse with a lawn and a communal garden. Dean adopts a golden retriever.

Fields rolling on, I love it when you call my name

--------------------------------------

Can you hear the bumblebees swarm? Watching your arm

Two months into Castiel’s first year of graduate school they have a picnic, taking advantage of the lingering warmth of the California fall. Sam is off in the field playing with Zeppelin, obviously having used the ‘come meet my brother’s dog’ excuse to invite the pretty blonde woman (Jess?) chasing the golden with him. Dean is rambling about Star Trek and Castiel is paying half attention, the majority of his focus on the reading in front of him because professors don’t consider picnics an extension-worthy excuse.

He’s just started to get invested when he hears a yelp and looks up to see Dean Winchester, his best friend, most trusted confidant and the possible love of his life, swatting a bumblebee. Cas gasps, reading forgotten, and lunges across the picnic blanket to grab Dean’s wrist. “Dean.” He chastises, and Dean gives him a look.

“It’s a bee, Cas.”

“It’s a bumblebee, which are essential—”

“To our ecosystem, yeah, but it’s pretty essential to me that it doesn’t sting me.”

“It won’t sting you if you don’t swat at it.”

“You didn’t see the look on it, man. It meant business.”

“Bees are attracted to sugar. You probably just smell good.”

Dean grins. “You calling me sweet, Cas?”

And, well, no. He isn’t. He’s talking about the empty pie tin next to Dean. But the words make him realize just how close they are, how far he’d moved into Dean’s space in his efforts to stop his hand, how the force of the movement had pushed Dean almost back onto his elbows.

He opens his mouth to respond the way he usually does to Dean’s cavalier flirting, but the words don’t leave his mouth—which is, somehow, he swears, closer to Dean’s than it was a second ago. Just as Castiel is preparing to push back, clear his throat, and add this moment onto a growing list of almost-but-not-quite moments stretching back years, Dean sucks in a breath and closes the gap.

Castiel reacts before his brain can fully comprehend what’s going on, bypassing any shock entirely and kissing Dean back immediately. He lets go of his wrist, instead bringing his hand to the side of Dean’s face, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. Dean pushes himself back up and wraps an arm around Castiel’s waist, pulling him essentially into his lap, and then they’re kissing, and Dean smells like summer and tastes like apple pie, and Castiel suddenly understands more than ever why bees are always buzzing around him.

It feels like a lifetime until it’s over, until they’re just staring at each other and out of breath, both scared to say anything and break the magic they’d accidentally created. The silence is only broken by a shout from across the grass, followed shortly by a tennis ball that nearly misses them, followed by 65 pounds of golden retriever that does not miss them and nearly topples Castiel in his pursuit of the ball. And then Sam comes running after the dog, still shouting—apologies, this time—and then there’s Jess, laughing hysterically, and then Castiel has to scramble out of the way because Zeppelin has made a U-turn, interpreting the whole commotion as a game of keep-away.

Dean meets his eye above the chaos and grins, and the sunlight hits his dirty blonde hair, and it’s so breathtaking Castiel almost forgets to smile back.

I love it when you look my way.

[atqh16]

Take My Hand (Say You Need Me Still)

A Daredevil Fic (Matt/Foggy, Girl!Foggy. Pre-Slash)

Summary : Look, getting shot is just the New York experience. You haven’t lived unless you’ve been held at gunpoint at least once. And if you save someone doing it? Hey, bonus!

AO3

Foggy will very openly admit that it was actually a really stupid thing to do. Matt will be downright furious when he finds out. If she makes it out of this alive she’s not keen on facing down the utterly hypocritical wrath of her best friend. She’s pretty sure Karen would defend her which is a nice thought to dwell on.

After Karen had told her about what happened with Wesley, it was like a wall had broken down between them. Suddenly she was so much more relaxed, open. She didn’t look like she was going to throw up every time Foggy talked about how ridiculously admirable albeit stupid she was to insist on constantly putting her life in danger to chase a good story (Lois Lane would be proud).

You’d think Foggy would get a break with having to deal with only one dangerously reckless best friend but apparently life felt that she deserved to handle two

She wouldn’t change a thing.

Though she feels that its incredibly ironic how she finds herself to be the one bleeding out from a bullet wound at the Police Precinct after daring to step in front of a mook with a gun. In her defense it was either her or the 8 month old pregnant lady and really was that much of a choice?

Marci would be really pissed at her too if she ever found out about this even if they've split up for almost 6 months now. That is if she ever found out from where she’s staying in Los Angeles. Knowing how much of a tattle tale Matt is, she’d probably find out. No Foggy Bear this time. Probably just an ass whooping in the form of a chilling reprimand that only serves to remind Foggy how much Marci really cares. Especially since this is the third time she’s gotten hurt in almost 5 years. Must be a record. 

Maybe this is the universes way of helping her make up for the fact that she can't be out there in the thick of danger the same way her partners are. She’s not planning on making it a habit because this fucking hurts and the pregnant lady clumsily putting too much pressure on her stomach isn’t helping with that. She bites back a laugh at a sudden random thought that maybe her abdominal fat played a useful role for once and managed to absorb most of the bullets impact as opposed to her vital organs

She’s not brave she knows. Not in the same way Karen and Matt are. She can't even manage to take a bullet without crying because again, it fucking burns. But at the very least she’s comforted knowing neither Matt nor Karen are the ones bleeding out this time.

It’s a soothing thought and it helps that she’s starting to feel numb. There's a faint troubling nudge at the edge of her mine that she's sure is panic at this. Something about how it might be because she’s losing too much blood, she's going into shock. But the feeling is such a welcome compared to the overwhelming sting from before.

Charlotte -the pregnant lady- is saying something. Mouth moving, loud enough that Foggy can register the sound but her brain is filled with too much fuzz to actually tell what she’s saying.

Either way it doesn’t seem to matter. She’s just surprised she doesn’t feel more scared than she is. Her last thought is maybe that’s a cause for concern but really she can’t find it in herself to care. It occurs to her maybe that’s worse

*

*

*

*

*

“What the hell were you thinking Foggy?”

Foggy raises her eyebrows, actually impressed. Matt managed to hold off his furious outburst for five days after she woke up from her short induced coma – “It was two days Matt. Relax”, “You were intubated  Foggy. You were in the ICU. Don’t tell me to calm down” – and really it’s a full five days more than she’d expected.

“I’m confused. Was I supposed to let the guy put a bullet through our very nice pregnant client?”

“You were supposed to let the police do their job”

“Right, the very understaffed policemen on duty at the station that included the guy who put me in the cell with our client in the first place”

“Why were you arrested again?”, Karen interjected and Foggy doesn’t miss how it was a cautious attempt to drain the heat out of the conversation.

“Obstruction of justice, or so the very hot headed rookie claimed. I wouldn’t let him do an extensive drug search on my lovely cellmate and told him to get a female cop to do it.”

“Where was Brett?”

“He was at the drug bust at the pier with me. I called him there”, it’s Matt’s turn to explain. There's a hint of guilt in his voice and while Foggy doesn’t agree for it to be there, she finds it the perfect moment to throw in another excuse.

“To be fair, I did call both of you to bail me out.”

Karen looks a bit red in the face. Coughing loudly before she says, “I was under cover. At the Irish Parlor”

The angry flush in Matt’s cheeks seem to redden even more “The Parlor Mob ?! Karen….”

“I was with Jessica! Relax, Matt.”

There’s a short moment where Matt seems to have more to protest but instead, “At least one of you has some common sense”

“OK, now you’re just being a hypocritical asshole”, Foggy retorts, rolling her eyes.

“You should’ve waited for back up! For Brett or even me-“

“And what? I don’t think you understand when I say this guy had a gun aimed at our pregnant client and was ready to shoot her point blank any second. God knows why”

“I Don’t… Its just… I.. “, words seem to have tied his tongue into a knot and Karen immediately understands it as her cue to leave.

“I think I’m gonna get some coffee. Have to talk to Jess. She actually asked about you Foggy”, Karen says. Providing an entertained smirk.

“Yeah well after all the times I kept her out of Jail I hope she does”, Foggy replies but there's no heat in it. Only a fondness that surprises even her.

“Tell her I said Hi, and tell her she still owes me my retainer”

Karen lets out a laugh but she doesn’t say anything else. She gives a soft peck on the side of Foggy's head before leaving. The sole of her sneakers  pad softly on the linoleum floor until she probably turns a corner after which Matt seems to be satisfied that she’s properly out of earshot.

Foggy raises an eyebrow that she knows Matt can’t see but she trusts her tone conveys her expectation for Matt to continue,“You were saying?”, she prods. Curt.

Matt’s hands are on his hips. A classic Murdock stance the few times he finds his clever tongue has failed him. Shuffling back and forth before taking a deep breath and - “You’re not suppose to get hurt. I know-“ He raises a palm to qualm his best friends protest “- it’s hypocritical of me. I know. But you’re meant to be safe Fog. Karen… I can’t stop her. No matter what I do. I’ve accepted that-“

“Like I’ve accepted the same thing about you?”

“It’s different fog!”, Matts voice is weighted with frustration and he’s gritting his teeth the way he always does when he’s trying to hold back from snapping.

"Matt, breath. I promise I'm not gonna make a habit out of this. I don't think my health insurance can take it. It's going to be hell to get them to cover my third hospital visit in 5 years. I'm pretty sure they're thinking about cancelling my contract at this very moment"

"Leave that to me", there's a challenging snarl in the undertone of Matt's voice - glad to have something else to direct his frustration at - that has something balloon all warm in Foggy's chest.

It's not that Matt has never showed off his protective streak before. She remembers how he reduced one of their classmates to tears in a debate when he found out they'd called her a fat fag at a party a few days before. Which frankly is not the worse she's been called and is just insultingly unoriginal. But it still makes something flutter fondly inside her at the unofficial confirmation of how much Matt still cares.

There hasn't been a lot of that going around lately what with Matt being stretched thin with Daredevil and a new gang trying to claim the territory Fisk had left behind. There hadn't been anything else that could take priority. Which, Foggy truly doesn't begrudge.

But she lost her best friend for months. Thought he was dead. She just got him back. Is it selfish for her to want him for herself for once?

He hasn't just been hers for a very long time now. Which, again, understandable. Matt's a fully independent adult, not an object to own. But she used to be able to hold his attention a lot more than she does now. A part of her knows its not because of her, but years of high school bullying have buried a vindictive voice in her head, constantly trying to convince her that its because she's just not important. Not enough.

Which again is so self-absorbed that she internally cringes every time it comes up. Still, to admit that it doesn't gnaw at her self-esteem would be a lie. Which is why she absolutely refused to raise the issue with her walking, talking lie-detector of a best friend.

She distracted herself with their workload. Both hers and Matts because she hadn't suggested they reopen their firm without knowing exactly what to expect. Not that Matt hadn't pulled his weight. The info he'd gotten for some of their cases as Daredevil was invaluable which is sort of important when their rinky dink little firm absolutely did not have the budget for a private investigator. There's only so many times Foggy can call Jess in for a favor before risking her busting his door down and throwing their office phone out the window.

Which, ok yeah that's not fair. Jess is a drunk asshole but she's not a bitch. Big difference. There would definitely be some empty threats and cussing colourful enough to make a sailor blush. But nothing worse.

So Foggy had done what she could and carried what she could. Which is why when their most recent client had called her from jail in a tearful panic, Foggy hadn't hesitated to rub the lethargy out of her eyes before making her way down to the precinct.

How could she have known that a cop - their clients ex, she'd been told - would pull out a gun on them both? She'd done her best to distract and try to diffuse the situation till one of the other cups could tackle the maniac. But he'd been a lot more trigger happy than any of them expected. Pushing their client out of the way had been instinct. It's not like she had purposely let the bullet hit her. She was just slow. Sue her. Her reflexes aren't that great.

But is it bad that she was having fun basking in Matt's attention right now? Matt mother henning her, from adjusting the position of her bed to chiding her into drinking more water (This is the third glass Matt. Anymore and my bladder is going to burst") to even fluffing her pillow.

Unfortunately she doesn't get to enjoy it for long because despite what waking up from a very long sleep would suggest, she still feels exhausted. The pain-killers are weighing her limbs down and the filter between her brain and her mouth has turned from a sieve to a funnel and she doesn't really want to say anything she's going to regret. Not anything bitter or sharp. Just thoughts. Feelings. Things that she's not ready to face, let alone voice.

But she can't stop the warmth rising in her cheeks when Matt lifts a hand to her temple to push some stray strands behind her ear ("It's growing out", "I like it. It's more you", "Not very professional though", "Avocados don't follow society's idea of professionalism", "Well you got me there"). Or from curling her fingers around his hand when he grips hers between both of his, brought up to his lips as if in prayer.

Matt has never been able properly look at her of course. Hello! Blind! But even with his radar senses, the lack of use of his eyes and the presence of his glasses make it so that he never really bothers to adjust his pupils to give the illusion of eye contact. It took some effort and time but after a while she managed to learn how to read her best friend from his body language and the simple way he moved to communicate what he couldn't or wouldn't say.

From the difference between a fake laugh and a genuine one to the way he tilts his head when you had his full attention. How he stiffens when he's annoyed or pissed. The disparity of a toothy smile and a open lipped snarl.

Foggy knows her best friend. Has spent 10 years collecting bits and pieces of him and while Matt might disagree with the image Foggy has formed of him in her mind, Foggy refuses to budge on it. Matt insists that he's built with the devil under his skin and a fury that burns with it. Contrary to Matt's belief, Foggy has always seen and known that part of Matt existed. Its just, to Foggy, they didn't hide what laid underneath. The empathy and kindness that curled like roots from which all Matt's actions rose from. From pushing an old man out of the way of a speeding truck to starting a firm that barely earned pennies for the sake of helping the innocent to even his need to stalk the night with nothing but a cotton shirt protecting him from harm.

So foggy knows. She knows how Matt acts when he's around his friends. When he's around potential hook ups and even when he was with Elektra. Loath as Foggy was to see it.

But right here, right now, there's something different in the way Matt is moving. Something tender. His thumb swirling circles on the back of her hand. His lips brush over her knuckles. Chapped and rough but the kiss he leaves on them is lingering and hot from his breath.

Even as her eyes droop, Foggy's heart drums a furious beat that threatens to burst through her ribs.

"Matty?", Foggy barely manages to get his name out. So tired, blackness already easing her away from him. She feels more then see's one of Matt's hands gliding down to clasp her wrist while the other pulls hers closer to rest his cheek on the back of it.

"Sleep Foggy. We'll talk when you wake up"

She does and this time, nothing hurts.

[letsperaltiago]

ok time to break my silence caused by the fact that i spent all day making this lol too many feels 

so.. palm springs thoughts !! and there are manyyyy so buckle up and feeel free to hit me up with either matching or contradicting thoughts or whateveer!! i would LOVE to nerd out about this movie with someone:’)

here comes thoughts and pictures!! 

we basically start off with a mr. samberg sex-scene okAYYYYY the mood is set. we love the view

nyles aka. mr. samberg is the most gorgeous man alive and it was a true pleasure to admire him for 90 minutes straight 

CURLS!!????! THEY ARE UNREAL. i shall dedicate an entire post to them

Cristin Milioti is perfect for her role. her acting? *chef’s kiss* I love that she’s not the stereotypical female rom-com lead.

Her chemistry with Andy? Gosh.. Can’t believe Nyles x Sarah is my new main movie-ship!! They play off of each other SO. WELL. Their characters are equally stone cold and bitter, but then again not really, and they both portray it so well!!

“You don’t ned a leg up.” *moans* “Hold my leg up!” i SCREAMED

“Don’t you kiss me.” “Don’t you tell me what to do.” hoW DARE THEY!

Ok ur basically on love already stop it

The fact that they were just gonna fuck on a blanket on top OF ROCKS?!

but then again in this movie’s already insane universe it’s prob pretty normal:)

The overall dark, existential humor?? This is what I live and breathe for on a daily basis. Basiaclly both main characters are a BIG MOOD

Nyles not giving a shit vs. Sarah severely freaking out in the beginning is an iconic dynamic

“I am the antichrist” and then the rock falling? For a hot sec I literally thought the movie was gonna take a turn with Nyles being some magical/scientific creature that’d created the timeloop or something idkkk ahhha

Nyles in the suit... ridiculous(ly hot)

The torture methods Roy uses on Nyles and the fact that he’s not mentally scarred?? How?? 

On that note I love that Nyles and Sarah keep their memories even if the day starts over. Would’ve been a completely different concept if they had to “meet each other for the first time” every day and it wouldn’t’ve allowed their relationship arc to evolve as it did 

Darla is the fucking shit 

Nyles in the baseball cap, amirite?

THE BARTENDER TALKING ABOUT HITTING A GUY WITH THE CAR SHE’S CURRENTLY GIVING NYLES A HANDJOB IN IS COMEDIC GOLD 

“You fucked Jerry Schlieffen?” “Well he fucked me.” Yes SIR. Andy Samberg’s characters are all bottoms and we’re here for it

Sarah’s tongue click and “nice try” when Nyles asks her about her sex life?? 

IDK WHY BUT SO GOD

Randy is hella annoying. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

THIS ENTIRE SCENE:

the fact that they both start waking up smiling because now at least they have each other 🥺😭🤯

uhm i love a good ship that’s like... best friends to lovers and the montage of them basically becoming besties killed me 

this outfit Y E S: 

sarah falling off the car and nyles laughing it off is relationship goals

the crashing plane I LOL’ED

okay so... big moment... the DANCING AND MATCHING OUTFITS? THEY ARE MY DREAM TEAM. Also how excited they are running away from the bar 🥺

IM POSITIVE THIS IS THE MOMENT NYLES KNOWS! LIKE HE DOESN’T ADMIT IT TO HIMSELF COMPLETELY BUT HE KNOWS 

the bomb in the cake and french pirate-skit? so fucking random but i lovee it because it’s so them

*DRUM ROLL* PERHAPS MY FAVORITE MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE: 

STORYLINE WISE AND VISUALLY A++++

the deep talks by the fire were SO well written. they were actually deep and genuine, allowing the characters to grow and opening up to us as viewers but also remained fun and witty

sarah trying to get nyles to admit he cares for her and him joking it off??? the flirtinggg

really wish we’d gotten to know more about what nyles meant with “it drifts away: just like they all do.” because it really seemed to trigger something within him. Like WHO “They”???

the dinosaurs lmao no comment but at least they got a cute cuddly moment

from the very first millisecond inside the tent you can CLEARLY tell Sarah is just dying to do something about them!!!

 the disbelief on nyles’ face when sarah says “lets just get it over with” because she’d clearly stated he didn’t want to and even though he obviously did he’s respected it and not done anything further about it oh babey

we love some good making out:’))) 

NYLES HALTING TO TAKE IN THE MOMENT EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO SCREAM INTO THE VOID 

i will die for a post-sexy timez cuddle and how sarah is trying to staying awake to be besides him is just *explosion* 

this has to be *the moment* she realises 

and they’re both sooooo fucking happy when they wake up after damn love me like that pls

THE GROOM BOOO FUCK OFF CAN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER HIS NAME CHEATING SCUM 

THIS FACE:

Baby is trying so hard and is so cute and nervous about it. SARAH LISTEN TO HIM HE LOVES YOU.

HE FELT GOOD WAKING UP BECAUSE OF YOUUUU, GIRL. DO NOT CALL IT “FUN”, SARAH 

“Going to bed maybe just got a little better” 😭😭😭😭

The entire cop scene is just pure insanity, very Lonely Island and I’m here for it even though I just want Sarah to rEALLY LISTEN TO WHAT NYLES IS TRYING TO SAY 

“Pain is real” oh babey that means SO MANY THINGS 🥺💔

“I followed you into that cave because I liked you!” like jake would say: don’t love how we got here but we’re going where i want

“pretentious sad boy” me

not shocked that they’ve hooked up before because c h e m i s t r y but don’t like how it got out :)))

why is nyles’ one sleeve shirt rolled up? im triggered

drinking pure vodka? oh babey its gonna be okay 

WE LOVE A SMART BOI WHO RECOGNIZES HIS GIRL’S PERFUME 

Sarah’s parents singing:)) i would cry too, nyles

"I love her.” “I see... That’s interesting” lmao savage

I actually really love Roy’s character. It turns out to be very humble actually and he has some insightful and lowkey poetic that lines i love. Besides that he’s hilarious. 

SO the whole time i was wondering how they’d get out of the whole “same day forever”-thing, if they were to. and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they had such a logical way out of it: science. Not anything cheesy like “a true love’s kiss” or “you learned your lesson”. Pure logic and Sarah’s hard work to get there. Huge fan of this. 

I will never get over how good Nyles looks waking up and Sarah is xtra pretty in that scene:’) 

Nyles just wants to stay in a loop forever because it means for sure that he gets to stay with Sarah forever and I’m lowkey into it but also like lowkey LISTEN TO HER AND GO WITH HER PLAN, NYLES

“I wanna stay with you” *sniffles*

“I love you. How about that?” PRETTY FUCKING GOOD 

I love Nyles’ character development. He started off so nonchalant and cold, closed off and by this point he’s the softest, smiliest in love fool I’ve ever seen and Andy does it so good. SAMBERG HEART EYES!!

“Nothing is real in here” YES SARAH UR LOVE IS

I’m taking Sarah’s asking Nyles to believe in her and leave with her as her first “I love you” because it’s very clear that she wants to leave with him rather than without. 

just- this entire scene i ugh <3 <3 <3 <3

BREAKING. UP. WITH. MISTY ! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

glass of wine filled to the brim? sarah’s my type of gal

the speech was really beautiful and sweet without being too cheesy and kudos to cristin for really delivering it like a pro! especially her “abe, don’t fuck this up” like yes girl kill him, chop him to pieces with your eyes!!! also camila is such really pretty bride

nyles looks like a cockatoo here :

nyles taking the shot and smashing the glass into the ground got me 🤭😵😏🥵

“I’m your son” I SCREAM

GIVE THE MAN A WHITE HORSE DAMNIT

Gotta admit Sarah looks like a bomb (lol nu pun intended) ass super hero in her bridesmaid dress and C4-gettup 

The sentence ending up being total grammatical gibberish but Nyles trying so. damn. hard is the sweetest thing ever and should and will go down in rom-com history. It’s super romantic but also well-balanced by humor and I just.. so good. This is the kind of characters and relationships I love and wanna write myself 

“you’re my favorite person that i’ve ever met” 🥺🥺🥺

“i’d rather die with you than live in this world without you” WHY AM I SO SINGLE SOMEONE LOVEE ME LIKE THIS 

okay so idk but “what if we get sick of each other?” “we’re already sick of each other. it’s the best.” is so so so soft, the way nyles says it like it doesn’t matter and is honestly another key moment for me: they’ve experienced basically everything imaginable during their time in the box/loop. they’ve liked, disliked, loved, hated each other and still: he loves her. the fact that nyles knows no matter what happens it won’t stop that because it’s them?? ouch my heart. 

this chaotic mess of a pairing?MESSY BOMB BRIDESMAID AND CURLY-HAIR HAWAII SHIRT-BOI!! MY OTp

Them dissing Nyles’ mom on their way into potential death? that’s love, baby 

the fUCKING KISSSSSSS MANNNNNNNNNN!!!! SO ICONIC AND THE EXPLOSION IN THE BACKGROUND AND JUST WE DESERVE THIS THEY DESERVE THIS EVERYONE DESERVES THISSSS!!! 

NEVER OVEER THIS EVER FOREVER NEVER

Ok so I was SURE that when it faded to black that it was done and I grew super ficking frustrated because it would leave us with this “the ending is up to whatever you chose”-kinda thing kinda a la Celeste and Jesse where it just feels unresolved and I WASN’T OKAY WITH THAT. So I’m so happy we got to know that it worked and the bebes will live happuilly ever after with Nyles’ shaggy dog:’) 

Their hands on each other’s knee >>>>>

all in all 100000/10 

[365days365movies]

January 29-31, 2021: The Mad Max Franchise

Now that I’ve finished watching all of the Mad Max films, I can confidently say that I am indeed a fan! The journeys of the ex-cop through a post-apocalyptic landscape that just gets increasingly worse and worse. Yeah, I can dig it.

And so, I thought it’d be fitting to talk about all of these movies at once, rather than just talk about them one at a time. And I mean ALL of these movies. After all, I started this month by saying the Fury Road was my favorite action film; might as well end it talking about the movie!

Recap

Mad Max: 78%

Mad Max was a great movie, honestly. It’s also HANDS-DOWN the weakest of the quadrilogy. I think that, since this is Miller’s first film, as well as being the first in this franchise in general, this is Miller carving out this universe on screen for the first time, so it doesn’t feel as fleshed out and as stylistically unique as the succeeding films. So, it’s hard to hold that against this film. Anyway, let’s break it down a little.

Cast and Acting: It’s legitimately nice to see Mel Gibson before he became...well, Mel Gibson, at least from a cinematic standpoint. And yes, Hugh Keays-Byrne is certainly memorable as Toecutter, and is a fitting first villain to the franchise. But, uh...that’s it for standout performances. Yeah, Joanne Samuel is endearing as Jess, and I like Steve Bisley as Goose, of course. But they don’t take the spotlight in my memory as much as our main two players. Which, obviously, is fine, but I like me a good supporting character in there as well. Still, this is getting a good 8/10 from me.

Plot and Writing: Plot’s you’re pretty standard cop story. Cop is awesome, cop wants to quit to spend time with family, cop’s family is killed by the villain, cop destroys villain. Not much outside of that. The biggest thing to praise to story for is the mild universe-building given to us. And even then, there isn’t a whole lot. Not, of course, that there needs to be. Credit goes to George Miller, Byron Kennedy, and James McCausland for this 7/10.

Directing and Action: George Miller’s cutting his teeth on the celluloid for the first time, and it’s awesome...for a first-time director, anyway. As for the action: yes, please. It doesn’t have the same pageant s future entries in this franchise, but it’s certainly great at the same time. Overall, 8/10 here.

Production and Art Design: It’s beginning, even though it’s not there yet. This universe hasn’t become the post-apocalyptic hellscape that it’s going to become, but the beginnings are there. Because of this, leather might be a dominating fashion choice, but...not as much as its gonna be. But, OK, let’s stop comparing this to the rest of the franchise. On its own merits, this film looks good! Doesn’t stand out too harshly from the crowd, but it still looks quite good. So, 8/10 here, too!

Music and Editing: Tony Patterson and, yes, George Miller were the editors for this mad boy, and they sought to make an Australian film with a fast-editing style, and in a way that the film could work without sound, as well as with. They way they incorporated sound and music (by Brian May, but not the one you’re thinking) into the film would actually be incorporated as industry standard practice in general! Wow! So for all that...8/10. It’s good, but this is early in their careers, so it can be a teensy bt choppy at time. And the music’s recognizable, but not particularly memorable after the fact. But still, 8/10.

Mad Max 2 AKA The Road Warrior: 92%

This is where I start to fall in love with the franchise. The Road Warrior is where the franchise really begins for me, and it’s EXTREMELY high up on my favorite action films list for this month. Obviously not the highest, but it’s up there for sure.

Cast and Acting: Gibson’s starting to come into his own and own this character, and I think this film is where he’s at his finest as Max. Definitely the most memorable and noteworthy. Antagonists, both Vernon Wells and Wez, and Kjell Nilsson as Lord Humungus, are fanTAStic, and I love them both. Supporting cast also ain’t no slouch this time! Bruce Spence’s Gyro is a wonderful character, and extremely fun to watch. Even the settlers, like Michael Preston’s noble portrayal of Papagallo, were memorable to me. Great cast all around, and they’re getting a 9/10 from me. Why not a 10? Well, for all of those performances, there’s also Feral Kid and Toadie...so, it’s not perfect

Plot and Writing: Plot’s definitely more interesting this time around! We’ve gone into the deep end of apocalypse, as compared to the first film, and we instead get an enforcer storyline for Max. And, yeah, I love that. This movie would carve out the tone of the rest of the franchise, and there’s a reason for that: it’s great. Terry Hayes, Brian Hannant, and of course, George Miller, you guys get a 9/10 for this one, too!

Directing and Action: Right off the bat 10/10. Action is AMAZING IN THIS MOVIE, and George Miller is doing a great job with directing. Not much to say here, other than the fact that this movie looks fantastic, all the way through.

Production and Art Design: A 9/10. This is where the franchise comes into its own, and it does that with a HELL of a lot of leather and metal studs. And yeah, the villains of this movie have a BDSM vibe about them, but it’s still iconic. Not to mention that the vehicles are now taking their true, metal-modded forms. Again, 9/10.

Music and Editing: Brian May turned it UP this time, and the music here is iconic and great. Editing’s pretty good, too, although I did notice some spotty sound editing areas, like in Mad Max. For this one, 9/10 as well.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome: 86%

I honestly wish this was rated higher for me, but there are a few issues that I did have with it. However, I gotta say, this one might be the second-highest in my heart. You know what the number one is. Still, I wanna talk about this one, because it’s what made be fall in love with the universe of this franchise.

Cast and Acting: By the time we get here, Mel Gibson is, well...Mel Gibson. He kind of stops inhabiting the role of Max at this point, and becomes the ‘80s and ‘90s action star that we’re all familiar with. So instead, the focus should be on the villains. Tina Turner! WHOOOOOO, Aunty Entity! Look, I love Lord Humungus, but Tina Turner definitely beats him in terms of character. And I might like Wez, but I love MasterBlaster, and...well, mostly Angelo Rossitto. Paul Larsson’s good too, even though there isn’t much acting in the role. And then, there’s Helen Buday, Tom Jennings, and the rest of the desert kids. And let’s not forget Bruce Spence or Edwin Hodgeman! Yeah, this one earns its 9/10 for some memorable performances. Might not have been Oscar-worthy, but they have a special place in my heart.

Plot and Writing: Intricate plot this time! It does seem like George Miller and Terry Hayes get better and better with each movie. Real talk, the universe-building in this one is INTENSE, and well-done for that matter. And the writing’s good as well. This one gets another 8/10, because it’s not perfect in the writing department, but it’s still damn good!

Directing and Action: Y’know, weirdly, 8/10 on this one. Yeah, the action’s pretty damn light here, as compared to the previous two films. Not that I’m complaining, mind you, I love me some good character development and story. But if I’m judging it for action, it’s a bit less. Still, direction’s fantastic; definitely George Miller’s best effort so far. So, 8/10.

Production and Art Design: No surprise, but it’s a 10/10 here. The style of these films is evolve WAY FURTHER with this one, as we get the sense that the world has gotten worse, just by pure physical comparison. And yet, everything is starting to return to some kind of rudimentary order, with places such as Bartertown. Yeah, this one RULES visually, and I would say it’s arguably the best yet.

Music and Editing: Well, music’s still good, but the tone shift from rock instrumentals is a little jarring. Still, for the score, Maurice Jarre does good. And, yeah, Turner’s power ballad, “We Don’t Need Another Hero”, is more well-remembered than the movie itself by many. Hell, I had NO IDEA that this song came from this movie. But for all of that (and for great editing), an 8/10 is going here.

Mad Max Fury Road: 94%

Need I say anything? Let’s get into this one.

Cast and Acting: Well, Tom Hardy’s Max Rocktansky is fine, and definitely takes off of Gibson’s earlier portrayals, but I can’t really say he’s the absolute star. No, that’s the Atomic Blonde herself, Charlize Theron. Furiosa is FAR more memorable than Max here, and that’s pretty obviously on purpose. And hey, Hugh Keays-Byrne is back for a FAR more memorable villain in Immortan Joe. GOD, I love Joe; he’s great. And again, supporting cast aren’t slouching a BIT. Nicholas Hoult, Rose Huntington-Whiteley, and of course...iOTA. You know, the Doof Warrior. Yeah. The dude who plays the blind flamethrower guitarist on the back of a truck is called the Doof Warrior, and is played by a dude who calls himself iOTA. I LOVE THIS GODDAMN MOVIE. 10/10!

Plot and Writing: OK, I’l freely admit that this is the weakest element of an otherwise amazing movie. Because, yeah, it’s basically one long chase with some background plot. Not bad, but not great at the same time. While it’s certainly engaging, and the writing is overly memorable, I’m still giving this one an 8/10.

Directing and Action: I mean...c’mon. 10/10.

Production and Art Design: I mean...COME ON. 10/10!

Music and Editing: MUUUUUUSIC. Junkie XL is the composer this time, and he’s put to excellent usage. Yeah, this is the most memorable music in the franchise, bar none. And the editing is also great, as per usual. While it’s not on my playlist (yet), it deserves to be, just for pump-up music. Although, if I listen to that while driving...eh, maybe not. 9/10!

And the winner is Mad Max Fury Road, at a...94%.

Wait...94%? OH. OH NO.

That means...it’s been dethroned? I, uh...I’m gonna have to figure that out. End-of-month summary?

End-of-month summary. See you later today, people.

[fayevalcntine]

can we talk about how over the course of her relationship with logan, rory is more or less conditioned to just be okay with everything he does?? whenever she expresses displeasure or disapproval with him he gets upset and persuades her into not being upset??? and it happens like. every single time. she’s a bit more resistant when he cheats, but even then he throws a tantrum until she agrees to forgive him. (1/2)

like in s5 when he tells her to come over without mentioning he has friends over (and then ignoring her all night), or in s6 when he goes over to the pool house and invites a bunch of friends over without her permission, even when he cheats, or fucks off to vegas in s7. she gets upset but he convinces her that her side of things doesn’t matter, and she’s never allowed to develop past that.

Yeah, Rory just has to let so many things be his way in their relationship and whenever they're not, or she even simply disagrees with him about something, it always has to be his way otherwise he'll get upset and argue with her until she relents or he'll leave if she doesn't back down.

Logan's main problem in their relationship, even when he seemingly doesn't have it in season 7, is that he just doesn't know how to properly communicate with Rory. Specifically, he doesn't want to hear her side or he simply won't accept her side as one with valid arguments against his own, like when they have a fight at the bar after Jess leaves, and she tells him how he (very accurately) possesses more opportunities in his lifetime than so many other people have, even her. Another example that is similar to this is when he's so personally offended by her article about rich people that he feels the need to bring up her own family's wealth and how he's "just like him" in terms of having money and opportunities. But even if Rory does have that, why exactly should she not criticize wealthy people and their behavior that stems from that? And on what ground does Logan get to stand on to tell her that she shouldn't write such an article simply because her grandparents have money and are more than happy to use it for whatever they wish? In both scenarios, Logan takes to victimizing himself over his family's money and influence and how he so blatantly uses it, while at the same time considering himself someone who has no opportunities outside from the one role his father has planned out for him (despite the fact that said role is such a significant one and he's going to be starting off with a vastly bigger step than other people by literally inheriting a company). I will have to at least give him credit for going to talk to her after they have the latter fight, but I hate that his fans view this as such a significant moment over someone acknowledging Rory's privilege as if Logan has any ground to stand on when it comes to that.

In the scene where Rory shows up to find him playing cards with his friends, I can never understand fans loving it when Rory was pretty clear on wanting to meet up with him to talk to him personally. And he doesn't even allow her that because he spends the entire night talking to his friends while playing, even though he knew she likely wanted some time with him alone. The scene itself might not be this significant since they're not officially involved yet, but it's so foreshadowing in how Logan's general attitude towards Rory's requests can be. Whether it's him controlling the setting that Rory comes in or him basically telling her to drop everything and go with him to New York on a whim, or even inviting his friends over to the pool house with a European girl that is a complete stranger and speaks no English, Logan only seems to do whatever he wants to do without taking her feelings or plans into consideration. This can even be pointed out in how he relentlessly pursues her after he decides he wants her back, despite the fact that he was the one who "broke up" with her through his own sister in the first place. And he doesn't take no for an answer from her until she gives in, even going so far as to go and pester Lorelai about it when whether or not Rory wants to take him back is her own decision, not her mother's.

I hate the cheating thing, it's the most irritating and idiotic thing Logan ever did and even if you take his side and not consider it cheating, it's beyond fucked up that he knew that the girls he hooked up with would be at the wedding and that Rory could easily bump into them, never mind the fact that he left her in a room with them while they were preparing for the wedding. I hate how the show again frames all these girls as flighty and promiscuous, therefore distrustful (Logan even takes to calling them "vipers" as if they're personally out to get him), when if anything else it's his fault that he didn't even tell her? He should've been honest about sleeping with them while they were apart, and even if he didn't consider it cheating, it vexes me so much how he never even takes Rory's feelings into consideration at all here. 

LOGAN: I've not even thought about another girl. RORY: Except for Walker, Alexandra... LOGAN: We were broken up, Rory. RORY: No, you were. LOGAN: I thought we were broken up. I thought that's what the fight was. I thought that's what the separation was. Do you believe me? Do you believe that I honestly thought we weren't together? RORY: I guess. LOGAN: So then, if you believe that, that I thought we weren't together, then do you believe that, in my mind, I was not cheating on you? RORY: I guess.

He doesn't apologize for not telling her, he doesn't apologize for hurting her feelings, he doesn't even give her any space when it's clear that she wants to be alone at Paris's. He corners her and gives her an even dumber version of Ross's "we were on a break!" routine, only by saying that in his mind it wasn't cheating because he thought they were broken up. Again, he doesn't take Rory's side into consideration at all here, especially since he personally decided they were broken up instead of it being a mutual one. What I especially hate after all of this is that Rory is understandably still bitter over it, seeing as how she wasn't even allowed to be angry, and when she becomes passive-aggressive towards him, he takes to being the victim again.

LOGAN: [...] You haven't forgiven me. RORY: What are you talking about? LOGAN: For the girls I was with when we were separated. RORY: I said I forgive you.  LOGAN: Yeah, you said it, but you haven't, though. You haven't. I'll be at the pub. 

In this entire scenario, Rory’s viewed as unjust and unfair towards Logan, and only his feelings are taken into account when it comes to her unresolved anger. And of course, Rory’s feelings are even further unresolved and never mentioned beyond this episode because Logan (conveniently) almost dies on his trip with his friends, which prompts Rory to feel guilty and immediately take to his side to nurse him back to health. Rory’s never allowed to process through her feelings over the cheating argument, and she’s never even allowed to see her feelings as justified because again, Logan never told her about it. For even the most practical reasons, he should’ve at least mentioned that he wasn’t exactly celibate during their time apart. 

It’s telling how even with his improved behavior in season 7, Logan still doesn’t tell Rory the truth about why he ran away to Vegas with his friends until after he comes back. It’s baffling that we’re suddenly supposed to accept him telling his father that he doesn’t want to work for him anymore and is set upon improving himself for the course of over 2 episodes, before he yet again, makes the decision himself to propose to Rory when he never even discussed marriage with her before that. And not only does he propose, but he does so right in front of her family and friends at her own graduation party. I don’t think I need to explain how public proposals are pretty manipulative if they’re done suddenly and without the approval of both parties for it. Logan’s decision being that he breaks up with Rory as soon as she makes her answer clear that it’s no, because she wants to live her life after just having finished university, just makes the before-mentioned ‘development’ that he was given fall flat to me. Yes, it’s great that he’s decided to make something of himself outside of his own family’s influence, but this comes right near the end of the season without us seeing him even think about it or consider it before that, and even after this, he still takes to only doing what he thinks is right and doesn’t take no for an answer from Rory. 

[whentheynameyoujoy]

Women in SPN—Is it Really That Bad?

TL;DR: Somewhat, yeah, it kinda is.

This is going to be a series of long ones, people.

Before I jump head first into this giant vat of weird toxic shit, let me say something:

The thing about most of the female characters is that on their own? They’re perfectly fine, ranging from serviceable to the occasional flash of thematic brilliance. Barely any of them qualify as “this is hateful on its face and incompetent regardless of context and the writers should feel bad for ever conceiving of it”, i.e. the normie benchmark for justified criticism. It’s only when you put these characters next to each other that a worrying pattern emerges;

Although discussions about sexism in the media were very much a thing in the mid-2000s, as well as shows with characters whose primary role wasn’t to serve a man’s needs, I can’t honestly claim that the flaws of SPN are out of the norm for its time; and

The first few seasons could really do with a PSA at the start of each episode, something along the lines of “A part of the reason why female characters are killed off or written out with such regularity is rabid superfans who couldn’t abide anything with tits brushing against J2, srsly, the writing team and the 2000s’ fan base were a match made in hell, except it wasn’t the writers who couldn’t do with bitching on their LiveJournals about the gall of women to exist in the show, choosing instead to harass the creators and actresses and wives and call them every sexist insult under the sun AND I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE HAS THERE EVER BEEN A CESSPIT AS DISGUSTING AND NUKEWORTHY AS THE SPN FANDO—“

Anyway.

SPN has a legacy (as a posterchild for not knowing when to bow out gracefully, but legacy nonetheless) and isn’t watched in 2005 but in the year of our Lord Today. Meaning that as time goes by, the issues surrounding the show’s production retreat into the background and only what’s on the screen remains, to be judged on its own merits.

So let’s run down a list of the more noteworthy and relevant female characters of the first arc, focusing on their characterization, role in the narrative, and end. In the conclusion to this series of posts, the sum of characters will be analyzed as a whole to see if there are any unique tendencies in the show’s handling of women as opposed to that of men. I’ll do this for the original five seasons as the recent finale went out of its way to say that nothing after season 5 was strictly speaking necessary so why bother.

(Also because I died of frustration in season 8 and vowed not to subject myself to any more of the post-apocalypse fanfic era)

Angels, while strictly speaking genderless clouds of energy, will be classified as men or women depending on the apparent gender of the vessel they spend most of the time riding. The same goes for demons where I also take into account their stated gender while they were alive. That’s because although beings like Meg, Ruby, Anna, or Lilith can’t technically be considered women in the show’s present day, their consistent preference for conventionally attractive and/or female vessels throughout the original arc makes claims of genderlessness essentially meaningless. For all intents and purposes, we’re watching girls and women on screen.

Baby—the only true NB of the first run

All right, time to jump.

Say hi to our ladies!

Mary Winchester

Killed in the very first scene to give the story a reason to exist, she remains an active presence throughout the first arc where she has a wide-reaching influence on the plot and characters, driving the conflict on several levels. Fleshed-out more and more with each appearance to be more than just “the dead mom”, she’s portrayed as protective, pro-active, capable, and assertive, mirroring the duo’s desire for normal life and their inability to have it. Her story comes full-circle in season 5 when the personal tragedy of her fate is embedded in the wider tragedy of the Winchester family curse and the overall theme of destiny.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major

On her own: Textbook example of fridging… and that tropes aren’t bad in and of themselves.

Jessica Moore

Comparatively, if anyone doubts fridging can evolve into something meaningful, Jess drives the point home by having no personality and no point but to prop up her boyfriend before she ends up pinned to the ceiling, the reveal of which is the most interesting thing about her entire existence. At best she’s a symbol of Sam’s civilian life, at worst an obstacle to be removed for the story to happen.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major in terms of manpain, non-existent otherwise

On her own: A cardboard cut-out, barely qualifies as a character

Missouri Moseley

A psychic and the primary reason why John Winchester even knows to wipe his ass. Appears once over the course of the first arc yet everyone wants her to come back years later—that’s how awesome she is. Has this fantastic trait of being compassionate and empathetic while not taking a single speck of shit from anyone, especially when it comes from the two main dumbos who might just as well have been raised in a barn. Is very particular about the pristine state of her coffee table.

Status: Alive as of s5, killed in s13 (wait, what?)

Importance: Major…ly wasted potential

On her own: As strong a character as Bobby Singer, and as worthy of being elevated to the main cast.

Lori Sorensen

The writers can’t figure out why anyone in the universe would care about Jess either so they insert an intentionally awkward romance subplot to convince people the time’s not yet ripe for Sam to stop grieving and start slaying. The result’s… erm… well, awkward. Lori’s naïve, sheltered, devout though accepting of her non-repressed friend, and sort of on a religious crossroads because of her hypocritical preacher father. I guess the virginal power of her virginal virginity does… something in the plot? Primarily a vehicle for Sam to mark the stages of his moving on.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: A bit done. Like a bit lot. Like a “could be a trope namer” bit lot.

Meg

Boom, baby!

Arguably the chief antagonist of season 1 and one of the best things about it. The first one to point out the pervasive toxicity of the Winchester family business, so props for perceptiveness. Possesses the standard qualities of a lower-level henchman—manipulative, no-nonsense, and quietly sinister which, while not exactly groundbreaking, sets her apart from the other bad guys in the season as they tend to have no distinguishing characteristics at all. Plus Nicki Aycox makes the role seem more unique and “lived-in” by projecting a sense of understated amusement at the two main chucklefucks. Is one of S1’s turning points in blurring the lines between monsters and humanity. Has a face transplant twice—once to have revenge (good on her) and the other time to pursue someone else’s goals again before getting stomped into the ground like a mook.

Status: Alive as of s5 (?), killed in s8

Importance: Major

On her own: The actresses do most of the heavy lifting. Which doesn’t mean I don’t love watching the character burst onto the scene and announcing the end of the Winchester brand of bullshit.

Layla Rourke

A terminal cancer patient in a religious cult, she’s a more mature take on a Lori-type character and the themes of faith and doubt. Serves as a conduit for Dean’s budding survivor guilt, self-loathing, and sense of worthlessness. Is kind and cheerful, with strong hints that she’s relying on forced optimism to get through the days; also understanding of the circumstances of others while realistically freaked about the possibility of death. Weirdly, she enters the episode already in a state of acceptance and leaves it just as accepting when it’s confirmed that yeah, she’ll die soon. All expressions of anger at the injustice and senselessness are left to her mother which somewhat undermines the “struggling” portion of Layla’s character and renders the final scene where she makes peace with her fate a bit hollow.

Status: Implied dead

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Dean’s development

On her own: I want to like her, I really do, just… if only she were allowed to get pissed, once.

Cassie Robinson

Dean’s ex and that’s pretty much all there is to her. I struggle to pinpoint a single personality trait of hers—the 2000s idea of a “strong woman” and “not like other girls”, perhaps? Undermined as a love interest because TPTB don’t show the happy or any parts of her relationship with Dean so really, why should anyone care if two sniping assholes with little to no chemistry get back together? Memorable for being in a horribly scored softcore scene which YouTube tries to convince me lasts for shy over a minute, not the week I remember it to. Involved in the show’s first and last attempt at incorporating the issue of anti-black racism.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: She’s in the racist truck episode. ‘Nuff said.

Sarah Blake

A sophisticated people-person conversationalist with a love of high art and a deep sense of introspection. Ascends to the state of godhood by being able to pull off pigtails while adult. Bonds with Sam over responding to loss by crawling into a shell but deciding to move on. Doesn’t care for your fancy schmancy fine dining, Romeo. Isn’t ashamed to openly talk feelings which includes her explicitly asking Sam if they have a thing going on (honestly, this is such a breath of fresh air for a normcore romance). Despite being scared out of her wits, she refuses to be shoved into the helpless civilian box after learning about the existence of the supernatural; Dean creates a Pinterest wedding board in response.

Status: Alive as of s5, pointlessly dragged back to be murdered in s8

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Sam’s development

On her own: A great love interest that has enough writing behind her to fool you into thinking she’s something more.

Up next, whenever I feel like it, seasons 2 and 3!

[jcogginsawriter]

Hand to Hand: Mark Waid’s Flash

I have been a fan of comic book characters for a long time. I started with the cartoons, and as I got older, I began doing deep dives into wikis, reading fanfiction, and participating in that shallowest of internet past times, the vs debate. I dabbled in writing fanfic for myself, but I spent far more time thinking about writing fanfic instead. I would come up with all these ideas about what I would take from the various different versions of the characters, and don’t get me started on the idea of Crossovers.     The point is, I knew a lot of what happened in the comics, but I never read many comics. I didn’t know where my local comic shop was, and even if I did, I wouldn’t have had the money to spend on them. The comics that I did read were usually fan translations of manga. I did read a few comics, big name stories like Death of Superman or Crisis on Infinite Earths, but they were few and far between.

Recently, I’ve begun to change that. I now follow several comics as they come out, most notably the current X-line. This change sprang in part because I began reading a lot more comics criticism. In particular, I followed the blog of a certain Superman fan, and began to eagerly digest his various takes. I wanted to be able to ask him questions about new comics without looking like an idiot (This is how 90 percent of my interactions on comics twitter go, BTW) and that was a kick in the pants for me.

After getting into a steady habit, I decided to look into reading some of the classic runs I’d read so much about throughout life. To go from knowing them second hand, to knowing them first hand. After a bit of hemming and hawing, I’ve settled on Mark Waid’s legendary run of Flash Comics to start off with.

(Spoiler Warning for some 30 year old comics, by the way)

As of this writing, I have read up to the final issue of his story arc Dead Heat, wherein Wally does battle with the speed cultist Savitar. Before we get into things like plot and characters, I want to discuss the art, because no discussion of comic books is really complete without talking about the art. Unfortunately, the art in this run hasn’t done much for me, but that’s not really it’s fault. I read this comics in manner that they were not created to be read, digitally and zoomed in. These comics were drawn with physical issues in mind, and I don’t doubt that they’re good in that format. It also doesn’t help that I’ve read far more manga than I have American comics. American comics have never clicked with me the way manga does. Even now, I still find the layout of manga more legible than the layout of an American comic. That’s not a value judgment, it’s just my personal experience.

I do distinctly recall thinking that the art was better up to issue #79 (The conclusion to the Return of Barry Allen storyline), than it was after. I prefer the less exaggerated character designs, and lighter inks, though it could very well be a case of me having gotten used to the initial style and not liking the change. One thing that thing I can say about the art is that it helped me grasp how Wally’s costume differed from Barry’s. Before this, I was incapable of separating them in my mind, but seeing them side by side made it clear to me how different Wally’s Costume was colored and shaded.

Now, onto the writing of the run, we’ll start with the lead, Wally West. My previous touchstone for Wally was the Justice League series from the DCAU, which I watched a lot as a kid. The Wally in these comics comes off as more serious that his DCAU incarnation. Not too serious, he still cracks jokes, but he’s more on the ball. He takes his adventures as seriously as any hero would, rather than the more carefree attitude I recall his DCAU version having. This is not unsurprising, Wally here is the lead whereas there he was part of an ensemble cast, and here we get his internal monologue which gives us a much more thorough sense of his headspace. Not to mention, the DCAU version was voiced, so we know with no ambiguity what tone his dialogue’s in. In text, tone is more up to interpretation.

Perhaps the biggest thing that set Comic Wally apart from DCAU Wally is that the Wally in the comic was more consistently angry and frustrated. While his DCAU incarnation had hidden depths, I can’t recall a time when he got seriously angry. This Wally is frequently irritated, usually by things which are enitrely understandable. On occasion, his irritability causes him to be rougher with the bad guys than he could be, and that feels uncomfortable sometimes, though thus far he hasn’t gone too far.

Going into this, I knew that one of the issues that Wally had to overcome was his mental block about surpassing Barry, and to my surprise, it wasn’t as much of a through-line as I expected. I was expecting it to be a reoccurring issue that was solved by the Return of Barry Allen storyline, but in reality there are only one or two times something like it comes up, usually in the context of him not being able to do the vibrating through walls trick. In the Return of Barry Allen, it feels more like an issue introduced in that story than a long running plot line. Granted, it may only feel this way because I’m solely reading Mark Waid’s Flash. I didn’t read the issues prior to his take over, so that storyline could have been more apparent there for all I know.

Moving on, starting with Waid’s run had another knock on effect, that being that the character introductions aren’t introductions. I came into this expecting to see when Wally met Linda, when he met Jay Garrick, when Pied Piper redeemed himself, but all of that happened before Waid took over the book, so they’re already part of the cast from the start. Again, not a flaw of the work, it’s just a result of my personal experiences. Now, let’s take a look at some of these characters.

I’ve heard a lot about Linda and Wally’s romance, and so far it’s not bad. I wouldn’t rate it as one of the best of all time, but I haven’t gotten to most of the major moments yet, so that’s not a huge surprise. One thing that’s very apparent is the Lois Lane DNA in her character. Some of that is to be expected, which the love interest to your superhero is a reporter, but I see a lot of similarities in their personality as well. There’s a lot of the same fire in her. Fortunately, the fact that Wally’s identity is public lends a very different arc to their relationship than what you see with Lois and Clark, so Linda doesn’t come off as a Lois rip-off. Linda’s concerns that there’s no place for her in Wally’s wild superhero life is the kind of relationship hurdle that isn’t present in Lois and Clark’s Relationship.

Next, let’s take a look at the first Flash, Jay Garrick. Within this series, Jay is perfectly pleasant, and by no means unlikable, but he also comes across as...kind of superfluous? There are three elderly male speedsters in this comic, and of all of them Jay is by far the least defined and has the least role. Max Mercury is the Wally’s mentor in the ways of speed, the one with the most knowledge of the Speed Force. He’s basically what I expected Jay Garrick to be going into this. The third of the group is Johnny Quick, a speedster who is the father of another speedster, Jesse Quick. Jesse is also very skeptical of Max Mercury’s teachings, which veer from the scientific into the mystical.

Because Johnny takes the role of skeptic, Jay is left without a role in the narrative because being the nicest of Wally’s friend group. Veering over to Hollywood for a second, whenever a book gets adapted into a movie or TV Show, minor characters get lost in the transition. Either they get composited with other characters, or they get cut entirely. Game of Thrones is the most prominent example in recent memory. I bring this up because, if Waid’s Flash were to go through that process, it’s hard to argue that Jay wouldn’t get the ax. Despite being the most important of them in the context of the universe at large, Jay is the least important Speedster in this narrative. Of course, Jay’s importance in the context of the larger universe means that in this hypothetical adaptation, he probably be composited into either max or Johnny. More likely Max, since mentor is the logical position for the first Flash to take in the Third Flash’s narrative.

I mentioned Jess Quick there, so let’s talk about her. Thus far, her most prominent role in the narrative has been to call Wally out and be his critic, though she does have very good reasons to be angry. In the Terminal Velocity storyline, Wally believes he’ll die soon, and tells the Flash Family that Jesse will be his successor, but it turns out to be a lie in order to motivate Bart Allen to take things more seriously. Jesse has remained angry with Wally since then, though it hasn’t seriously impacted her hero work. That’s good, because her continued competence lends legitimacy to her anger within the narrative. She’s not being punished for being mad at Wally for mistreating her. Hopefully it stays that way going forward.

Now let’s take a look at the character Wally chose over Jesse, Bart Allen AKA Impulse. I’ll say up front that I’m not reading Bart’s solo series during this read through, as I didn’t want the hassle of going back and forth between books. As such, the only issues of it that I’ve looked at are the ones that tie into the Dead Heat arc. I feel it’s important for me to say this, because I’m basing my opinions of Bart primarily on his showings in Wally’s book, not his own. In Wally’s book, Bart’s character flaws are more on display.

Bart is a character deliberately designed to be obnoxious, and such characters are a hard tightrope to walk in fiction. Gotta be annyoing enough to get the point across, but not annoying enough to turn people off from the work. Bart in Wally’s book isn’t perfectly balanced, and tends toward the too much pile. Not to an egregious extent, but a little bit. I found myself echoing Wally’s frustration with Bart more than a few times. In Bart’s defense, Wally does share some of the blame here. He doesn’t do a very good job as a mentor, and handing those duties off to Max is probably for the best.

I find it interesting, that a character like Wally who is so defined by inheriting a legacy is a poor mentor, to both Bart and Jesse. He makes different mistakes with both of them, but he still fails both of them. I’m eager to see how that plays out in the future issues.

Now that we’ve discussed the supporting cast, let’s discuss some of the book’s villains. We’ll start with the one who is most infamous, Eobard Thawne. Thawne’s spends the majority of his time in this book thinking he’s Barry Allen, and if I’m being honest, he’s more effective under that guise that he is as Eobard. The scenes where what appears to be Barry Allen turns evil out of jealousy of his successor are powerful, more so than the more traditional villain Eobard displays after the reveal. Not that it would have been a good idea for it to actually be Barry, of course. Much as I prefer Wally to Barry, having Barry go full supervillain would have been very out of character. In any case, this run had a profound impact on Eobard’s character going forward, solidifying him as an agent of toxic fanboyism, making him a dark mirror of Wally West.

The next major villain of the run is the cult slash terrorist organization Kobra. That might bring thoughts of GI Joe to your mind, and you honestly aren’t far off. So far as this run goes, the biggest differences between DC’s Kobra and Hasbro’s is A) DC’s version prefer green over blue, and B) Hasbro’s version has more in the way of distinct characters. Kobra thus far is more of a plot device than  anything else. They’re generic terrorists with little to make them distictive. Their storyline, Terminal Velocity, is more notable for it’s introduction of the Speed Force, Wally preparing for his upcoming ‘death’, and Linda going on a revenge quest after said ‘death’. All things that Kobra is incidental to, any villainous organization would have sufficed.

The final, as of my current point in the run, major villain is Savitar. Savitar was formerly a soviet test pilot who gained a connection to a the speedforce, gave himself the name of Hindu god, and started a speed worshipping cult. It says a lot about my mind that my immediate thoughts upon reading Savitar’s origin were. “Huh, an AU where Hal Jordan became a Speedster the same way would be neat.”. Savitar is in some ways an improvement on the Kobra Cult from Terminal Velocity. This time the Cult has a more direct connection to the Flash and his mythos. Dead Heat is by no means a retread of Terminal Velocity, but if you wanted to mesh them into one story, it wouldn’t be hard. And it’d improve on both, in some ways.

One of the things I like to do in my fanfic ideas is connect the other speedsters to Thawne’s theme of Toxic Fandom, and it wouldn’t be hard to do that with Savitar. His entire motivation is to deprive those he considers unworthy of their speed, and that can easily by played as a metaphor for gatekeeping.

Over all, while the run is far from perfect, I must say I’m enjoying these comics a good deal, and if you’re like me and have read a lot about comics without actually reading them, I don’t think you’d regret jumping into them.

[memoriesofyccjungrk]

this is a very … unexpected fc change notice !!

i’ve been struggling for about … a year ? trying to revitalize this muse ? not that i’ve lost any love for yccjungrk – actually, that’s why i’m trying this out to see if it makes much of a difference. she’s a muse that i hold very close to my heart, and that i couldn’t fathom abandoning … so here we are, trying something different ! if you know me well or follow me on twitter, you probably know i was considering this fc change about ? i think a year ago ? and i think it’s finally time to give it a try. new year, new muse, i guess ? so, two years after her acceptance we’ve finally moved from weki meki’s choi yoojung to dreamcatcher’s lee gahyeon !! nothing more than her face ( obviously ), birthdate ( now february 3, she’s an aquarius now ! ), and her hometown ( busan ! ) has changed !! it shouldn’t affect her muse much, slight personality tweaks, although not so much due to the fc change versus a small revamp of her – but that will be explained below. it’s not even really a revamp.

but anyway – gahyeon’s among very few fcs i could see representing this muse, and i knew that if i ever did change yccjungrk’s fc, it would be to gahyeon. so here we are !! we’re starting this muse’s third year here at rookies, as well as 2020, with a path to what’s hopefully a happier, healthier, and more active muse. so, below are some ramblings trying to figure things out, as well as plots ( !! ) and some new information about royal’s lovely lupine, lee gahyeon !! please welcome her with open arms.

here’s to new beginnings ♥

things have been a little ? tough for this muse recently. so here’s going back to the beginnings – because honestly, her muse wasn’t very established when i started out here at rookies. instead, i started with a generic muse who felt a little lost, a little betrayed, and didn’t know what she wanted to do upon coming to rookies. as i established her as a muse here, the following developed ::

her mother died when she was young, and is the reason she started dancing

her father shut down after her mother’s death, blaming himself for what happened

she tried to reconcile and cope with what happened, but she was young and her father, who was her only real support system at the time, wasn’t responding well either … so, she had to grow up very quickly and take care of herself

she worked at a dance studio throughout high school that she’d attended as a student in middle school

she participated in a dance crew while in high school

she excelled in school because she wanted her father to notice her – but he never did because he paid little attention to anything

she managed to get into snu on a full-ride scholarship bc of her grades, and moved to seoul to attend as a linguistics major to go into a ‘ practical ’ career where she could make money, but she … really hated it

the only thing that got her through it was that she worked as a choreographer at a dance studio, image, in seoul; that dance studio was basically her life, if she wasn’t at the snu library, she was there

finally alone, she thought about actually pursuing her dreams and doing what she wanted for once in her life

with the help of kim doyeon, she applied for the mgas

she’s still confused as to how she managed to get a contract, and that royal entertainment of all companies wanted her

she was excited, but stressed, in the beginning – now she’s mostly just stressed

her life doesn’t have much direction now

of course the direction she’s currently pointed is toward debut – and don’t get me wrong, she wants to debut !! but with the boy’s recent debuts gahyeon can’t help but look at them and feel a little helpless. because of course it’s a good sign – it means it’s possible to debut !! but it also means that she likely won’t debut anytime soon. she does love being a trainee and realizes how lucky she is to even have gotten this chance, much more with royal – but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t gotten a little … well, lost ( *cue lost in the woods from frozen 2* ). she doesn’t know what to do because sure, she has what she wanted – she’s a trainee now !! she’s so grateful !! but she’s also, well … a trainee now. her path is uncertain from here on out. she’s aware that royal wouldn’t debut a girl group for a while.

so … what to do now ?

the simple thing is to throw her to the wringer. get her sick, have her father come back to haunt her, injure her, something simple. easy stuff. but not really likely ? gahyeon’s careful and knows her limits ( even if she tends to overwork herself anyway, but at least she usually realizes when too much is too much ), so she wouldn’t allow herself to get injured nor is she likely to get sick, and the ol’ mun in the back has plans for gahyeon’s father … so that doesn’t leave a whole lot. the lovely mod carly mentioned writing out goals, so … what are those atm ?

debut, with the royal girls preferably

get lee dongmin to kiss her ( yes jess, she won’t shut up about it )

keep in better contact with her idol & non-trainee friends

create new choreography

go back to university

create a life outside of royal

admittedly, it’s not much. it’s hard to … muddle through the fog that’s surrounded her muse, because she feels stuck. she feels as though she’s not making any real progress, and like everything involving trainee-dom is monotonous. she doesn’t like doing the same thing week after work, and january’s evaluation is the first one she’s actually been pretty excited about. she doesn’t know how to fix that issue … doesn’t know where to go, who to talk to – but … she has friends.

life outside of royal hasn’t really … existed much for gahyeon since signing. she talks with friends outside of royal primarily through text, and she meets with her friends at events around the city when she has time, but ? that can’t be her life. that’s really why everything’s so boring. her life is work, eat, sleep, repeat. she doesn’t do much outside of her trainee schedule ( not that royal gives her much time ), but all work and no play makes johnny a dull boy, and all that.

with the fc change, gahyeon isn’t much different. actually, most of her personality changes have already been put in place via her becoming a trainee, and being more confident in herself and her skills. she still has severe insecurities about herself and her talent that she masks with a convincing enough façade – but maybe we can break that ? her birthdate change makes her an aquarius now ( which, i’m sorry aquarius friends, made me literally groan irl bc i’ve met very few aquarius’ i like rip ). so, it’s almost as if the personality she was gaining fits her a little bit more now – just … more insecure than maybe she should be. with her time as a trainee, gahyeon has become more independent, and is more likely to speak up for herself. it doesn’t help the fact that she’s a little, well, over-emotional. not that she wasn’t before – it’s only amplified by the fact she’s a little more forward than perhaps she was before becoming a trainee. she tends to take on a mentor/motherly role to anyone younger than her, or anyone who has any struggles and asks her for help. she puts other people before herself and is almost altruistic to a fault. she prioritizes other people and their progress over her own, but she usually makes up for it by working herself ragged. but that’s always how her life has been – she took care of her father, so she takes care of everyone around her. it’s always been about them – never her.

i’ve also noticed something: gahyeon needs connections.

i have this problem where she has relationships/friendships with people, but she never really ? interacts with them ? i don’t know why, probably because i’m quite terrible at plotting and have run dry on ideas – but you know ! we need to change that. she only has maybe ? 2-3 solid, deep connections ? but we always need more.

anyone who may have met gahyeon back in her dance crew days !! this would’ve been around 2015-17 ? she also would’ve travelled a bit for it, so if you were perhaps part of one, y’all would probably have met at competitions !

she’s now from busan instead of changwon – so maybe i could get more past connections for her ? maybe people she knew in hs or who went to the dance studio she was a junior choreographer at ?

people who used to take glasses from gahyeon and want to reconnect

people who went to snu with gahyeon and either knew she auditioned for mgas/were confused when she dropped bc they never knew and want to know what happened

you’ve seen her videos online/saw her on the mgas, so you approach her !! maybe you’re also a youtuber, and you want to collab on something !! she’s super open, and youtube challenges seem dumb and fun she’ll do it

you need a roommate, and gahyeon’s apartment is big enough for two people – after some talks with the super, they’re letting her get a roommate, and honestly gahyeon’s super thankful, she’s very lonely and hates living alone

you live in gahyeon’s building and her dog always at some point in the night ends up yipping – you realize that it’s when gahyeon comes home and decide to confront her about it. she’s a child and scared when you confront her, maybe she cries – but she’s exhausted and you notice and well now you’re friends

maybe we need a burnt out trainee support group bc gahyeon wants to lay on the floor and sleep all the time and that’s just not healthy

speaking of which, you find her on the practice room floor one night because she fell asleep before she could manage to leave … and maybe you reprimand her because she really shouldn’t be doing that

someone she opens up to about her struggles – especially about her feeling inadequate. a connection where gahyeon hadn’t realized there would be one.

you two were close before gahyeon became a trainee and she apologizes profusely for dropping off the face of the planet when she got signed but you’re here now so let’s go get some korean bbq and i’ll pay for the drinks, okay !!!

literally anyone who will do bts cyphers with gahyeon ( preferably trainees, but if non-trainees would want this plot uh !! she has a youtube channel !! what’s stopping her ?? catch gahyeon snatching j-hope’s lines thank you very much

gahyeon likes to cook let’s have a party or smthing sometime soon and like. she can just cook for everyone. idk. let gahyeon cook more 2k20

not to mention, she’s open for ... literally anything. please, if you’re interested in anything, hit me up, either here or on twitter ( @/arkendrai ). i want and need more plots, and i want gahyeon to last a long time here. if we’ve already plotted and you want to snatch something up ! let me know ! if we haven’t ! let me know !! we can get ... literally anything started, please

i love you all, and i hope this is a better year for us all

[niall-is-my-dream]

Lost Without You - Part Six

2660 words

At 10am the following Monday morning you received a call from Foundation Interior Designs.  Your hands were trembling as you answered the call and you could hardly contain the squeals that were threatening to escape when they offered you the job.

After working your arse off for three years at University you had finally landed one of your dream roles. A few months working in Paris before settling back in London to start your career.

You first called Niall, probably should have been your parents or Jess and Hannah but he was the first person you thought off. Niall as you expected was so excited and told you that he knew you would get it. Asking him to thank Willie for the interview advice, you told him you were going to call your parents and that you would speak to him later. He was about to go into a meeting anyway, so said he would call you when it finished.

Your parents were ecstatic at the news, offering to treat you to lunch when they came down from Nottingham the next day. Your dad had hired a van and they were going to help you move and buy your furniture for the flat above The Cosy Coffee Corner. Although you would be leaving the flat for a few months, you would need it when you got back from Paris in December.

After firing off a message on your group chat with Jess and Hannah asking them to meet you at the cafe in half an hour, you grabbed your purse and headed out. You were excited to tell Audrey your news, she had become an unexpected agony Aunt while you had lived here. Jess and Hannah said they'd meet you there and as you pushed open the door to the cafe you spotted Audrey straight away.

 "Morning Emma, how are you? All set for tomorrow?" She asked.

"Yes my parents are coming down to help. And I got some great news about a job!" 

"Well???!!!" She said eagerly.

"I got the internship in Paris and if that goes well it will extend to the London office as well!"

Audrey went crazy, clapping and cheering as she rounded the counter and pulled you into a hug.

"I knew you could do it, didn't I tell you? Oh Paris!! Think of all the coffee and pastries you can try!"

Typical Audrey thinking about coffee and baked goods, however she had a point. You'd probably have to take up running when you got there. 

You chatted with her about the job and your plans for the flat. Audrey offered to keep an eye on the flat for you while you were gone and to cover the bills for you, but you declined her offer. She had been more than generous when it came to the flat. It was a two bedroom place and she wasn't taking any deposit from you, hadn't made you sign any tenancy agreement and only wanted you to cover the bills, with the rent she had asked for was the same as the studio flats you had been looking at. She had even updated the kitchen and bathroom and put new carpet throughout.

Audrey stayed and chatted with you until Hannah and Jess arrived, excusing herself when they sat down offering to bring some coffees over for you. It was at this point that you decided you wanted to do something special for Audrey. Something to show her that you appreciated having her in your life. You would have to have a think about how to repay her for her kindness. Maybe you could invite her to Paris for the weekend when you were there?

Hannah soon pulled you from your thoughts and you began discussing the job.

"So have you told Niall yet?" She asked.

"Yeah I did, he was really happy for me."

"Where does this leave you guys then?" Jess asked.

"Well we talked on the phone for like two hours Saturday night after I finished work. He is wanting to make us exclusive and wants to see how we go."

"And what do you think, because your face isn't convincing me." Hannah replied.

"Honestly, I thought he was going to end things when he asked to talk to me."

"Do you want to end things with him, because I'm not convinced you want that either."

It was then that Audrey came over with your coffees and some pastries, you swear she was trying to fatten you all up. She left you all to it, sensing that you were in deep conversation about something.

"I'm so confused about everything." You admitted to them. "He's so ridiculously perfect for me but I'm worried about us being apart and getting my heart broken. Should I get out now and save myself or do I risk it and I could end up with something amazing?"

"Do you want me to be honest?" Hannah asked you.

"Yes, tell me what you think. Because I'm so conflicted."

"I was shocked when you said you'd applied for jobs that took you abroad, I was shocked when you started seeing Niall. As badass as I think you are, you are not a risk taker. Going to Paris is completely out of your comfort zone but look how amazing it is going to be. You will learn so much and have an experience to talk to your grandkids about. So take the risk with Niall, see how you go. Your heart can be fixed if it doesn't work out, but I think you'd be fucking stupid to let him go."

You sat there looking at Hannah, someone you had been best friends with for three years and took in the words she had just said.

"What about you Jess?" You asked turning to her.

"Agree with Hannah, take the risk with him. Even if you were staying in London and he wasn't doing all this promo over the world, being with him would still be hard. I think he's worth it, you've been so ridiculously happy since you met him it's sickening." She replied smirking. "And anyway, he's rich you can fly to each other whenever you want."

"I don't want to be seen as using him for money though, I don't expect that sort of thing." 

"He won't think that, that's not you at all!" Hannah replied quickly.

"Ok, well looks like we will be having a long distance relationship." You said.

"It does, doesn't it. I might be too, we should compare notes." Jess added, taking a sip of her coffee.

You tilted your head and looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Care to explain?" You asked her smiling.

"Conor and I have been talking since we went to his gig the other week."

"How in the hell have you kept that a secret?!" Hannah almost screeched across the table at her.

"You never keep anything a secret when it comes to guys!" You added.

"Just been texting and getting to know each other slowly. They're in Europe at the moment but are back next week and he's taking me to dinner."

You could tell by her face that she had been desperate to tell you both, but you understood her need to keep it quiet. While Wild Youth weren't as big in the celebrity world as Niall was, they were still well known musicians. 

"Great, I'll be the one alone at home with all her cats while you two are out walking the red carpet at some fancy celebrity award show." Hannah said her forehead pressing into a frown.

You all burst out laughing then, the thought of that seeming ridiculous.

"Niall has some cute friends, I'll play matchmaker if you like?!"

"No, don't want to seem too desperate." She replied.

"Sounds like you are though." Jess added and laughing at the ridiculousness of the conversation.

**********

Building flat pack furniture really was a chore. Your parents had driven down from Nottingham early this morning, collected you from your dorm before heading to Ikea.  You had brought a bed, wardrobes, drawers, a dining table and chairs and a sofa. Your Gran had given you some money and along with some gifted from your parents you had got everything you needed. Everything had been brought back to the flat above The Cosy Coffee Corner, with the sofa and bed being delivered the next day.

After heading into Audreys and getting some take away sandwiches and drinks, you headed up to the flat to eat and begin assembling the furniture. Your Mum was in the kitchen putting away some of the new plates and cutlery when your phone rang. 

"Who's Niall?! He's calling by the way!" She called out to you. "And he's incredibly attractive!" She added, clearly seeing the picture of you both that you had as his caller id.

"He's someone I've been spending time with." You admitted, as you made your way from the bedroom where you'd been building furniture. The call rang out as you hadn't been quick enough to answer it.

"Why is this the first I'm hearing about it?!" She replied.

"Because I'm a terrible daughter!" You laughed as you hit the call button to call him back.

You left the kitchen, choosing to speak to Niall without your Mum listening in. With your Dad busy building the wardrobe in your bedroom, you went into the living room and closed the door.

"Hi Emma." Niall said as he answered the call.

"Hi Niall, sorry I missed your call. I was in the other room building flat packed furniture." You replied smiling.

"How's it going?"

"Pretty good actually. Getting through it all quite quickly."

"I'm done with my meetings so wondered if you wanted me to come over and help?" He asked you.

"You don't have to do that. Go enjoy the rest of your day off."

"I'd enjoy my day better if I was with you."

"If you come over you'd have to meet my parents." You said, your voice low. 

"I don't mind that, unless you don't want me to."

"It's up to you if you want to meet my crazy mother." You replied, making sure she wasn't listening.

"She can't be that bad. You wait till you meet mine!" He said, and you smiled at the thought that he wanted to introduce you to his Mum. "I just really want to see you if I'm honest. I've missed you."

You'd not seen him since he'd left the pub on Friday evening. He had been busy over the weekend and you'd had work and had spent some time packing in preparation for your move today. 

"I've missed you too."

"So, can I come over?"

"Of course, but you'll be set to work if you're not careful."

"I don't mind that, happy to help."

Half an hour later and you saw from the bedroom window Niall's car appear in the car park at the back of the cafe. He looked cute in his shorts and t-shirt, you loved it when he was all casual and comfy. Something about it was so attractive and you weren't sure why.

You could feel your mother's eyes burning into the back of your head as you answered the door to Niall. He smiled and kissed your cheek as he came across the threshold, very tame for him but he had clearly seen your Mum behind you. He offered her a small wave and a greeting as you closed the door.

Niall was a natural with your parents, you could tell that he met new people frequently. He knew exactly what to say to charm your Mum and soon got into helping your Dad finish off building your wardrobe. You could hear them talking about Derby County from the living room and it made you smile. With the furniture built your Mum started to hoover around the flat, tidying up as she went and you went with Niall and your Dad to your dorm.

It felt a bit sad to be loading up the van your Dad had driven down in. In went your desk, your bedside cabinet and your comfy armchair. Along with numerous boxes and bags of clothes. You had already cleaned the bathroom and kitchenette so didn't need to come back anymore to do anything else.

So many memories had been had in this room, from getting ready to go out to the student union with Jess and Hannah. To cramming in all the revision and working on all the projects for your degree. And then there was the time you'd spent with Niall, laying in your bed talking and getting to know one another. The next chapter in your life was going to be scary but you knew it was worth the risk.

**********

Your time with Niall was like a ticking time bomb.

As the first few weeks of August slipped away, you knew it was only a matter of weeks before you would both go your separate ways for 3.5 months.

And you were dreading it.

You had just finished working your last shift in the cafe, your last shift in the pub had been last night. Deciding to give yourself a few weeks off to spend with Niall and your family before you went away. Since your parents and Gran had given you money for your furniture and Audrey hadn't taken a deposit you had some leave way with money and could afford to do it.

The doorbell to your flat sounded a few minutes after you got back and you left the bag half packed as you went to answer it. Jess and Hannah were stood at the entrance with massive grins on their faces.

"I love your boyfriend!" Jess declared.

"I'm aware of that!" You smiled as you ushered them in, their suitcases being pulled along behind them.

When Niall had added you to a WhatsApp group at the beginning of last week, that consisted of him, his cousins and some of his friends you were confused. Until he requested that you add Jess and Hannah. You found out he had booked a ten bedroom villa in Italy, complete with large pool and countryside views and he wanted everyone to be ready Saturday night for a flight.

Jess and Hannah of course had called you screaming and asking if it was a joke. Apparently it wasn't, with him being away for a few months he had wanted to get everyone together for a 5 day break to end the summer. Niall knew he wouldn't see any of them until probably Christmas time, so wanted to spend some quality time with everyone he cared about. He wanted to get to know Hannah and Jess better considering he hadn't even met them yet and he also wanted you to have some company. Niall had said there was no way he would've gone away without you.

Having got about an hour before you needed to be ready to be picked up it surprised you to see the girls here early. Both were incredibly excited and grateful to have been included in the plans. Niall had said it was a no brainer to invite them, the more the merrier and it gave you all an opportunity to celebrate finishing University.

After having a shower, you dressed and finished packing your case. You were nervous to say the least.

When you finally got picked up the lads were full of it, singing songs in the back of the minibus to get into the spirit. The nerves were still there even though Niall had been holding your hand the entire journey to the airport and got significantly worse when you saw the private jet on the run way.

Niall Horan was a truly amazing guy and you were lucky to be able to call him your boyfriend. You couldn't wait to spend some time with him and your friends. 

Part Seven

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/188004275828/lost-without-you-part-seven

[mittensmorgul]

Welcome back to the TNT loop! Today’s journey takes us through an owie bit of s5 (wait, is there a not-owie bit of s5? is there really a not-owie bit of any of this whole entire show? I digress...)

5.03 Free to be You and Me (okay, does this now qualify as the most dramatically ironic title, or what?)

I mean, were they ever really free? Was there ever any choice?

Let's look at Sam's "choices" in this episode first. Because his half of the episode is entirely about his lack of choice.

He CHOOSES to stop hunting. He burns up his fake ID's, and yet... moves on with yet another fake ID-- Keith the guy who gets a job tending bar in some random town in Oklahoma. And he's having dreams of Jessica again.

JESS: Running away. Haven't we been down this road before? SAM: No. It's different now. JESS: Really? SAM: Last time I wanted to be normal. This time I know I'm a freak. JESS: Which is all a big ball of semantics. You know that. SAM: No. JESS: Even at Stanford you knew. You knew there was something dark inside of you. Deep down, maybe, but you knew. Maybe that's what got me killed. SAM: No. JESS: I was dead from the moment we said hello. SAM: No. JESS: Don't you get it? You can't run from yourself. Why are you running now? [...] JESS: People die. Baby, the people closest to you die. SAM: Don't worry because I won't make that mistake again. JESS: Same song, different verse. Things are never gonna change with you. Ever.

Cheering, right? And that's just the cold open. Sam struggles to stay out of it, to keep people from getting close to him. And he does his best to stay away from hunting, but unfortunately the hunts will always find him. When he suspects trouble, he calls Bobby, which brings some other hunters to town, and that's when things go completely sideways.

But even before the hunters come back to threaten him, he's already getting pushed by Lindsey the bar owner who hired him. She keeps pressing him to talk about his past, asking questions he's finding harder and harder to avoid answering-- about himself, his past, and what he's running from. But of course he can't really tell her that he's running because he (oopsie) started the apocalypse and let Lucifer free to walk the Earth because of his demon blood addiction, right?

But in a cosmic display of pressure applied to Sam under the guise of "destiny," he's backed into a corner so hard the only way out becomes through... first through the disgruntled hunters (disgrunters?) who learn some things about Sam from the demons that kill their friend on the hunt Sam refused to go on for "personal reasons." They come back and try to force demon blood down his throat, and in fighting back Lindsey sees far too much for Sam to be able to keep up the lies with her. But that's not the end of the manipulations. He can't even escape it when he's sleeping:

SAM: God knows how much I miss you, too. But you're wrong. People can change. There is reason for hope. JESS: No, Sam. There isn't. JESS puts a hand on SAM's shoulder and morphs into NICK from 5.01 Sympathy for the Devil; JESS has been LUCIFER all along. SAM: How can you be so sure? LUCIFER: Because you freed me. SAM turns, sees LUCIFER where he expected JESS, and stands up and backs away. LUCIFER: That's right. You know who I am. SAM: Lucifer. LUCIFER: You are a hard one to find, Sam. Harder than most humans. I don't suppose you'd tell me where you are? SAM: What do you want with me? LUCIFER: Thanks to you, I walk the earth. I want to give you a gift. I want to give you everything. SAM: I don't want anything from you. LUCIFER: I'm so sorry, Sam, I, I really am, but Nick here is just an improvisation. Plan B. He can barely contain me without spontaneously combusting. SAM: What are you talking about? LUCIFER: Why do you think you were in that chapel? You're the one, Sam. You're my vessel. My true vessel. SAM: No. LUCIFER: Yes. SAM: No. That'll never happen. LUCIFER: I'm sorry, but it will. I will find you. And when I do, you will let me in. I'm sure of it.

What a freaking cosmic kick in the pants, right? But at least now he's got an idea of what the angels and demons wanted all along. And knowledge is power.

But let's look at Dean and Cas, and the situation they find themselves in before we draw any conclusions yet. Cas comes to Dean-- who's back to hunting on his own, respecting Sam's wish to be left out of it-- asking for help in his search for God. We all know what they do-- searching for Raphael's vessel and summoning him for questioning. But Raphael ends up telling them the horrific Heaven Party Line:

RAPHAEL: God? Didn't you hear? He's dead, Castiel. Dead. [...] But there's no other explanation. He's gone for good. CASTIEL: You're lying. RAPHAEL: Am I? Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better? Do you think God would have let any of that happen if He were alive? DEAN: Oh yeah? Well then who invented the Chinese basket trick? RAPHAEL: Careful. That's my Father you're talking about, boy. DEAN: Yeah, who would be so proud to know His sons started the frigging apocalypse. RAPHAEL: Who ran off and disappeared. Who left no instructions and a world to run. DEAN: Daddy ran away and disappeared. He didn't happen to work for the post office, did He? RAPHAEL: This is funny to you? You're living in a godless universe. DEAN: And? What, you and the other kids just decided to throw an apocalypse while He was gone? RAPHAEL: We're tired. We just want it to be over. We just want...paradise. DEAN: So, what, God dies and makes you the boss and you decide you can do whatever you want? RAPHAEL: Yes. And whatever we want, we get.

Well, Raphael, that's... well, let's just say that's not gonna happen. I mean, even if y'all did get exactly what you wanted, with Sam and Dean both saying yes and showing up to that final big showdown, you wouldn't get Paradise. We have proof of that now (thanks Apocalypse AU!). From this point forward, armed with this information from the REAL future, we the audience can see through the lies the angels have chosen to believe in. We can see the fatal flaw in their plans.

The angels (and the demons, but really this is a plan powered by Michael and Lucifer's absolute belief in playing their roles in God's ultimate plot) want nothing more than to fulfill their parts. They don't even have the entire script, but they unquestioningly fall in line believing 100% that they're doing the right thing, the thing they were destined to do. They practically fall all over themselves to do it, too. They BELIEVE they're right! They BELIEVE completely that they'll earn their reward! They BELIEVE God will come back and... and then... well, they hadn't actually got those pages in the script yet, so they don't know what God will give them, but without any evidence to the contrary, they're choosing to believe that following the prophecy will bring them "Paradise," whatever they think that means... And it's a powerful lure, even in its ineffability.

The angels have FAITH. Faith so powerful it blinds them to the truth. They BELIEVE in the manipulation they've really just convinced themselves of at this point. Believe it in so hard they're willing to sacrifice themselves in the name of the Big Cosmic Story. And what a joke, right? Because Chuck never even wrote an ending... there was no Paradise at the end of that journey, just more war, just the bleak realization that God was never on their side, no matter what they did...

Except... maybe... if they decide to pull up their big boy pants and stand up in the face of all that destiny and try to find another way. But that's the sort of thinking that comes from an exercise of Free Will, and the angels, for all their power and righteousness, can't even begin to understand... well, except for one...

[aca-awesomenerd]

Bechloe Multi-Chapter Fic List

Perfect Harmony

Author : BeChloe01

Beca and her father made a deal that if she really gave Barden a shot, he'd fund her move to LA at the end of the school year. She only has a few months left to convince him that she did try. Which means Chloe only has a few months to convince Beca to stay. Slight AU retelling of the movie so that BeChloe are canon.

Squeeze Once For Yes

Author : Knope.We.Can

Beca finds herself being pulled into a fast friendship with a gorgeous redhead and, for the first time in years, she wishes she hadn't built her protective walls so high.

The Friend

Author : Secret Heart33

Beca falls in love with her best friend, Chloe, for the first time when she is 12, but things do not go quite as planned. From there Beca learns her role as 'The Friend' and tries to put it all behind her when she moves away. What will happen when they meet again 6 years later at Barden University.

The Playlist - Volume 1

Author : RedRobin90

Beca Mitchell doesn't want to go to Barden, but once she's met that certain redhead, who doesn't seem to have personal boundaries and always know's how to make her skin tingle, it doesn't seem all that bad.

Your Love Is A Song

Author : HypersomniacGrad

All Beca wanted was to move to LA and make music, that's why she made the deal with her dad in the first place. Make it one year through college then she could move to LA. Thankfully she has her step-brother and a surprisingly amazing roommate to help her bear through it all before she moves on. And then she meets Chloe, and Beca's not quite sure about anything anymore

Dreams

Author : TrulyBeTold

Aubrey and Chloe celebrate the Bellas' win, but Chloe isn't as happy as she thought she would be. And Beca finally got the courage to be with Jesse, so why does she feel like something's missing? And which of our favorite Bellas will help piece the puzzle together?

Everything You Want

Author : funnyhowthatis

In the morning after the Bellas win the final competition, Beca and Chloe realize that they might not have gotten all that they wanted.

Long Way Round

Author : Smeg699

Nationals is over, a new school year has begun, and Beca is wondering if she didn't make a mistake at Nationals. Rating: Mostly T, a few chapters are M though, and that will be noted in the Author's Note at the beginning.

We Could Be More

Author : Knope.We.Can

They've been best friends since college. Just Best Friends. No complications, No jealousy over boyfriends, just plain, simple friends. Until, of course, the awkward almost kiss.

You Never Know How Strong You Are

Author : CrohnieReader

until being strong is the only choice you have. Moving into the Bellas' House in her second year of college should be exciting and fun for Beca, right? But when the thing she's been hiding from everyone since the beginning of freshman year makes a reappearance, bringing with it a great deal of suffering, it makes life a little more complicated.

Just Like Glass

Author : recallthelove

You see through me, like I'm not there. 

PP3 - What really happened

Author : when_you_know_you_know

Not enough Bechloe content in PP3 for your liking? Well here is what REALLY happened on/off screen 

For Lovers Only

Author : dr_jb5

Takes place two years after the events of Pitch Perfect 3. Beca and Chloe haven’t seen one another since then, each going their separate ways – Beca to music, Chloe to vet school. But, one fateful week, they both end up in Paris ... And when their paths suddenly collide, desire and passion take over as they gain back those missed years and rediscover one another all over again.

I'm Only Human

Author : longlivebechloe

AU on what happens after Chicago and Chloe kiss.

I Guess I Do

Author : x-backtoblack-x

Chloe's cousin's getting married and she'll be damned if she has to endure another family gathering/speed dating weekend. Cue Beca to begrudgingly save the day.

You're Weird

Author : Saweeet47

Chloe's father doesn't handle her sexuality very well, to the point where he doesn't believe it. Chloe's family assumes she has a girlfriend. She feels the need to hit two birds with one stone, coincidentally Beca is there to save the day.

And I Opened Up My Eyes, I Saw The Sign

Author : dandelion3455

Chloe and Beca have never quite figured out their timing. But what happens when Amy's impending wedding practically forces the two girls together? Basically a slow burn that turns into a volcanic eruption and there's a lot of smut.

Belong

Author : MakesGoodChoices

Beca Mitchell is a six time Grammy award winner, but Chloe Beale is never far from her mind. What happens when they meet up again at an engagement party five years later?

Blind Love

Author : acafuckmylife

Chloe's best friend Aubrey is marrying the guy of her dreams; she's the maid of honor of course. Planning the wedding is going to be a lot of work, so when Jesse (Aubrey's future husband) suggests that his best man/Best friend Beca Mitchell helps them, a lot can go wrong. Rated T (possibly M later). Bechloe and Jaubrey.

I Love You, Awesome Nerd

Author : Olivia Janae

Beca had done her freaking yearly good deed. She had gone to the Bellas reunion...thing...whatever. She had gone and she had accepted the award, she had seen the Bellas; she had even let them stay at her damn condo! So why the hell was that stupid-gorgeous redhead, the one she had run from all of those years ago, back and camped out in her freaking living room refusing to leave?

I Promise

Author : fugitiveboov43

"I did not forget my promise, I was trying to forget it. There's a difference." Chloe breaks Beca's heart. Thanks to fate and with their small circle of friends, they meet again.

Pitch Perfect 3 - The Aca-Reunion

Author : becca343

After years apart, the Bellas are all coming back to Barden for their 5 year reunion.

Stupid Choices And Second Chances

Author : Biggiewoods

Beca has been helplessly in love with Chloe forever but never had the guts to tell her. After Chloe gets married Beca can't seem to bare it and cuts all ties with the love of her life. What happens after 5 years later when they meet up again. Will Beca finally tell her how she feels? Will it even matter if she does?

The Sun & The Stars

Author : BardenBellatrix

The Bellas get invited to a resort to celebrate Jessica and Ashley's engagement. Will the girls' relationships have changed since they left Barden?

Two Brides and The Bellas

Author : Gapalkru

A few months after graduation, the Bellas are reunited at Cynthia Rose’s wedding. Someone is a bit too stubborn about a bet, alcohol flows freely, and Amy requires a tuxedo for her iPad. Don’t we all just want to live happily ever after at a wedding?

Burn

Author : idontknowmaybe

Chloe Beale needed a change. So when the perfect job opportunity came up in the same LA suburb that her best friend lived in she couldn't pass it up. Can you find yourself and the one when the town is caught up in a horrible nightmare?

Everything I Never Knew I Wanted

Author : Well Fancy That 13

Beca is one of the world's biggest DJ's and music producers, Chloe is an on-the-rise It-Girl in Hollywood. Beca Mitchell thought she had it all, but then she met Chloe Beale.

This Could be Just Like Heaven (Don't Throw It All Away)

Author : Freerangeegghead 

In which Beca Mitchell gets the life she's always dreamed of and more, but realizes maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Fallen

Author : Iwentdownwiththeshipbye

Beca has a religious, homophobic father who has been abusive in the past, leading Beca to think she needs to have secret relationships. Only her last relationship ended horribly and she's left to get her frustrations out by womanizing. Until she meets Chloe. Who sees right through her persona.

Familiar Taste Of Poison

Author : danisweetman22

Beca Mitchell was never a normal girl. She had been through so much in her life, more than a soldier, her psychiatrists all used to say. It was only when she arrived at Barden University that things started to change, for the good, and the bad. Trigger Warning: Abuse, Rape, Self Harm, Drug Abuse and Alcoholism.

Hurt

Author : Knope.We.Can

On a night out with Aubrey, Chloe is shocked to discover that the musician they're watching perform is her best friend from high school, Beca Mitchell. While Chloe is desperate to reunite with the one that got away, Beca has her own demons to battle. Trigger warning.

League of Angels

Author : danisweetman22

Beca Mitchell is the most feared assassin Azrael, the angel of death. She arrives at Barden University under her master, Michael's order. Her new target, Mr James Beale, an important figure in the Government. Beca must collect intel through his daughter, Chloe. However, something about Chloe, unlocks feelings in Beca that she locked away eleven years before.

Roommates

Author : twin192

Beca, 19, a freshman is new at Barden University and meets her new roommate Chloe, 21, also a freshman. They click instantly and become fast friends. But what is Chloe hiding? Why is she crying so often when she thinks nobody's noticing? What did she do for two years before going to college? AU

Silence Has A Sound

Author : summerreader13

Something has happened to Beca. No one's seen or heard from her in days. Chloe decides to go to her room and find out what's going on. Can she help Beca, or will Beca push her away like she does everyone else?

Shattered

Author : Lackluster Brilliance

Chloe did what she swore she'd never do. She broke Beca's heart, and though it hurts, Beca can never stop loving Chloe. Bechloe angst. Trigger warnings: Rape, self harm, suicide, and alcohol abuse.

Tragedy Strikes When You Least Expect It

Author : Iwillforgetthisl8er

A year after Beca Mitchell stopped talking to the Bellas and Chloe, a tragic accident will pull her back. Rated T for now, may change later. Trigger warnings: Child Abuse and Rape

Whispers In The Dark

Author : KissKendrick

Who knew something as simple as a bag being thrown over her head could open so many doors? Doors that Beca wanted to keep shut. Chloe had no idea what she was getting herself into. What she did know? She wasn't backing down. She wasn't leaving Beca, and she wouldn't let the horror of her past hurt her anymore. The problem? Beca may be too far gone to be helped. TRIGGERS INSIDE.

Your Love Is Killing Me

Author : abnormalhuman

Beca and Chloe become fast friends like predicted, and right from the start there is something more. But how can Beca fall for a girl after being raised by homophobic parents? Beca can't handle or come to terms with herself. Will Chloe be able to help her through it? Trigger Warnings: slight mention of self harm and homophobic assholes doing their asshole thing.

Where Are You?

Author : Knope.We.Can

Beca Mitchell has been missing from Barden for a month. Chloe has spent every single hour she's been gone missing her.

It's All About Finding Yourself

Author : FluentInMovieQuotes

Beca struggles with school as it is so being forced into the High School's show choir by her Spanish teacher, claiming that it would earn her enough extra credit to pass his class was the last thing on her mind. After they perform at homecoming assembly, a certain redhead joins and her and Beca easily become friends until Beca begins to question her sexuality.

Dreams Can Come True

Author : FluentInMovieQuotes

Sequel To It’s All About Finding Yourself

Struck by a Feeling

Author : LadyHH

Beca and Chloe lead two different lives at school. Neither noticing the other, that all changes from one moment that will lead them to something they never expected.

The Track Star and The Cheerleader

Author : not-so-average-fangirl

High School Junior and Track Star, Beca Mitchell, gets thrown for a loop when her father gets a new job at Barden High School. She's forced to leave her current high school and join Barden just as her Junior year is starting. What could possibly go wrong? Or, after meeting a certain redhead, possibly go right?

To Leave It All Behind

Author : BIggiewoods

Beca had to leave her perfect life all because her mother had remarried. She had it all. She was on a State Champion Softball Team, had a weekly show on her high school's radio station, and most importantly a future internship at a record label. She thought her junior year would be a bust until a bubbly redhead she will meet would make it all worth it.

Awake and Alive

Author : KissKendrick

Chloe knew before she even saw her, that Beca was the girl she was meant to spend her life with. Beca, was drawn to Chloe, for reasons she didn't understand, nor does she care. But Chloe as well as her best friend Aubrey are not what everyone thinks. They are not regular college students. And an old friend from the past is going to stir up a lot of old feelings, & expose the truth.

Love Like The Wind Wild, Untamed

Author : jamiexh

Beca's and Chloe's lives are turned upside down when Chloe accidently turns Beca into a werewolf.

My Little Badass

Author : LexysK23

"I was trying to find something to levitate to show Beca, but I may have done the wrong spell. Bree, I changed my girlfriend into a three year old." Chloe now must take care of her three year old girlfriend until she is able to change her back. How much trouble can the small girl get into? And, oh yeah, it's a three year old half-vampire.

Now We've Got Bad Blood

Author : tay0720

Fresh off the plane from Seattle, Beca Mitchell heads to Barden University for her first year of college only to find herself falling hard for a junior named Chloe while being roped into a supernatural shitstorm.

The Last Battle

Author : Jules In Neverland

Two years after leaving the US Air Force, Captain Rebeca Mitchell works for the FBI. With her ex-wife about to marry a man that it's not as perfect as he seems, and a seven year old to take care of, she fights to fulfill her three ultimate missions in life: Make justice after terrible events happened during war. Catch the last bad guy of her career. Gain the love of her life back.

They Shot Me Down But I Won't Fall

Author : beauboss

Beca was in the army and fought in a war till she got shot in her leg and her dad wanted her to come home. As she was still recovering her dad forced her to go to Barden to follow some classes. Beca hates being home but then she meets Chloe. A beautiful red head who she thinks is really pushy and annoying at first... But what happens if her feelings change?

Beca's Fall

Author : MidnightBravery

Beca and Chloe get into a big fight over another girl, resulting in Beca walking out on Chloe. Chloe is crying to Aubrey while Beca is getting drunk with Luke, what happens when Beca realizes that everything is slowly falling apart & Jesse finds her on the rooftop of the Station?

What If 

Author : HypersomniacGrad

PP2 (sometime before the retreat) but deviates from the story: After living through the worst day of her life, Beca meets an accident and comes face to face with Death. As she ponders on whether or not she still wants to wake up from her coma, she asks herself, what if she never joined the Bellas? If she never existed? If she died? Death takes her on a journey to find out.

Waiting At The End Of The Road

Author : HypersomniacGrad

Sequel to What If

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

Author : WarriorOfTheLight

There is a life-threatening accident after Regionals and it might be too late to undo mistakes...

Counter Attack

Author : AchaeaMG

Beca has a deal with her father. She promised to play on the Barden field hockey team for a year and he would then help her move to LA. Things don't go as expected.

Leave It All On The Field

Author : second job

Chloe is a senior captain on the soccer team. Beca is the hot new freshman. Follow their relationship on and off the field.

Stare Into The Sky Until We're Blind

Author : lescousinsdangereux

Chloe Beale has one rule. Just one. Had she known that the odd combination of hair dye, a crappy old convertible, sixty-plus hours of driving, a mix CD, and one Beca Mitchell would lead to her breaking it, she never would have suggested going on this stupid road trip in the first place.

I've Been Bitten

Author : hitandrunn

Spidey!Beca. You expect your senior year in high school to be pretty stressful. Having to worry about college applications, prom and graduation. Beca on the other hand, has to worry about protecting the city when she's bitten by a radioactive spider.

The Vigilante

 Author : hitandrunn

Sequel to I’ve Been Bitten

Blank Slate

Author : HypersomniacGrad

Everyone would kill for a second chance and that's exactly what Chloe gets when one day, five years later, she gets another chance to tell Beca how she feels. Only... Beca was supposedly long gone and the girl who Chloe meets years later has no idea whatsoever who the redhead was…

Chances

Author : Melanocortin1

Beca KNOWS she can be better than Tom, she wouldn't even need a second chance. Everyone else seems to know it, she just has to get Chloe to realize it too.

Company Woman

Author : BeChloeIsLegit

It always seems that Chloe is the one getting married and Beca is left pining over her/cutting off contact. What if this time, Beca is the one getting married (to some woman) and Chloe's the one pining and regretting that she missed her chance?

ERASED

Author : HypersomniacGrad

Beca Mitchell possesses an ability that sends her back in time moments before a life-threatening incident, allowing her to prevent them from happening. When her father is murdered, Beca's ability sends her back 10 years to when she was in high school, giving her the opportunity to prevent a kidnapping incident that took the lives of 3 people she knew, including the girl she liked.

Have A Nice Life

Author : farfrom7

Beca is a little bit broken. Chloe is kind of engaged. Neither of them could be prepared for what happens when their worlds collide.

Hoofbeat

Author : shadowswillscream

Beca gets sent away to a horse ranch, Hoofbeat, as a last chance due to her recent rebellious behavior. There she meets Chloe Beale, who changes Beca's rule of 'everyone's temporary'.

It's You?

Author : AcaTitanium94

Beca & Chloe met when they were both 10'year olds. Beca promised Chloe that one day they would get married. Years later fate brings them back together in the least expected way.

It's Always Been You

Author : AcaTitanium94

Sequel to It’s You

Lost Stars

Author : BKTheGoldenKnight

Beca, an ex-MotoGP racer, has a tragic past and she had managed to get back on her feet when she met Chloe. However something unexpected happened. Will Beca stay or runaway?

Never Let Me Go

Author : AnnaKendrick11

Beca goes to Barden University and Chloe is a new student. They become friends and get closer, then they both realise that they have feelings for each other but will certain problems overtake their love?

Old Love Dies Hard

Author : iwasyounme

It's 6 years after Beca took off from Barden without telling anybody and decided to go to L.A. Chloe is a barmaid in a small bar in the City of Angels too. One night, Beca walks in her bar, but a lot has happened in 6 years and they don't recognize each other. Six years ago, Beca fell in love with Chloe, will it happen again?

The Lives We Live

Author : AcaTitanium94

Beca and Chloe both live separate lives. Chloe is married to Tom and living in Toronto Canada. What will happen when Tom gets a better job in the US and they move back there? Will her marriage change because of a certain brunette she met a year ago on an airplane?

Thank God For The Internet

Author : alyssa-gibson

Beca hated when songs got stuck in her head, but she was grateful that one did because if it hadn't, she wouldn't have met the love of her life.

Wrong Turn

Author : RunFarAwayWithMe

Beca's dad is eager to find someone who will be a 'good influence' on his alternative daughter, and introduces her to the over-achieving Luke Brandon. As Beca becomes reluctantly intrigued by this seemingly perfect guy, she is introduced to his family and becomes close with his sister, Chloe. She soon realises that Luke is just a wrong turn on her way to true love.

2000 miles

Author : omACAgee

Rising DJ internet sensation Beca Mitchell might so happen to fall in love with a cute, bubbly redhead fan of her's who's the ideal perfect girl. Problem is though, they live on opposite sides of the country with only technology keeping them in contact. Will their relationship last without the physical contact?

Proving Them Right

Author : cheeky_geek_monkey

The Bellas always did joke about Beca and Chloe dating...so is it a moral issue if they pretend to prove them right to make some money at a certain someone's wedding?

After Life

Author : phlesh

What happens if you meet your soulmate after you've already died?

La Douleur Exquise

Author : redchocopanda

Stacie believes in the concept of soulmates, of destiny and of true love. Now if only she could get her childhood best friend, Beca, who believes that none of those things are real or last long enough to convince her, to do so too & maybe make her realize that the famous Chloe Beale is the one. Unknowingly, Stacie just might become the reason their two worlds might finally collide.

Club Bellissimo

Author : redchocopanda

Emily Junk, on her last year in Barden, wishes to recruit new talented Bellas, to win the ICCAs again, to enter LA's super exclusive hangout, Club Bellissimo, to have a Bella reunion & most importantly she wishes to see Beca and Chloe finally be together and have gorgeous babies. **CLUB BELLISSIMO is the Dickens' novel Anna K hates and Brittany S would be secretly reading over wine

Puck me

Author : bardenacapella

College Hockey AU. Beca Mitchell plays on the hockey team for the Barden Bulls. What happen's when Chloe Beale goes to one of her games and their eyes meet?

Favorite Record

Author : bechloehuh/eliseboobman

They have an old beat up Thunderbird convertible, twelve thousand dollars between them, and no destination in mind. This could very much be the worst decision both of them have ever made.

Fire and Fury

Author : OnceYouGoBecYouCantGoBack

She wants to be more than just her client. G!P Beca.

Tackled

Author : OnceYouGoBecYouCantGoBack

Nine years of ignoring the big elephant in the room. Nine years of bickering like an old married couple. That's all shaken up with an unusual proposal. G!P Beca

Perfect : A Bechloe Love Story

Author : BechloeGoals4Life

What if Bechloe actually was endgame? This story is what I believe Pitch Perfect would look like if Bechloe was the focus.

Pitch Perfect 3 : Bechloe is Legit

Authors : BeChloeisLegit and  RJRMovieFan

Pitch Perfect 3 - the movie everyone saw, rewritten to be the movie everyone wishes they made.

Perfect : A Bechloe Love Story

Author : BechloeGoals4Life

What if Bechloe actually was endgame? This story is what I believe Pitch Perfect would look like if Bechloe was the focus.

The Truth About Reality

Author : sendricamp

Chloe discovers there is more to falling in love with Beca than she originally expected.

Hear me chirp

Author : Plush Panda

Chloe wants to know what Beca's favorite animal is, but Beca will have none of that. Supernatural!AU.

A Ginger A DJ A Wedding

Author : EmilliJayne

Chloe convinces Beca to be her date to her brother's wedding :)

The Basketcase and The Princess

Author : Fake Shemp

Angsty but Fluffy AU timeline of Pitch Perfect.

Beauty and the Badass

Author : Ibbly5

Beca Mitchell is a badass LA music producer, working as a bartender by night. So what happens when an adorable redhead comes into her life?

From more to friends, from friends to more (Those bright blue eyes)

Author : brighteyes29

A Bechloe High school AU. It's a month before the graduation where Beca and Chloe broke-up, although the DJ still tries to get her ex back with some help from her best friend Jesse. But after all, the two girls still love each other. They just have to admit it one more time.

Bellas Boot Camp

Author : MoonWriting

Adventures come in all sorts and shapes. Bootcamp with Aubrey is one of them for the Barden Bellas, but while there Beca and Chloe each go through their own emotional adventure in their journey to love.

The Detention Club

Author : ThatWeirdAwkwardKid

High School AU. Basically what happens when you mix drama, mischief, the girls and a night owl of a writer. Just the group making trouble as well as friendships whilst having fun trying to avoid the principal.

Destiny

Author : KateLides321

Beca Mitchell moves to Atlanta to live with her cousin Jesse. Upon arriving she meets a beautiful girl who's dog named Destiny got loose and ran up to her. Maybe this was meant to be or is destiny playing a cruel trick on her heart.

Irresistible

Author : justfunriley

Beca is a werewolf, who was changed by an unknown Alpha. As she struggles with her transformation, Jesse and she start to fight. This leads to them breaking up. Who will be there to pick up the pieces? Her best friend, a beautiful redhead, will be there to pick up the pieces. Werewolf/AU Bechloe fanfiction.

Sometime You Need Help

Author : Ibbly5

Beca is super guarded, all the time. And Chloe is so drawn to her. But Beca can't possibly let her in, can she? She can't trust anyone ever. Even someone as kind and beautiful as Chloe.

Something Worth Living For

Author : AnnaKendrick47

Beca Mitchell doesn't have many friends, people in school hate her, teachers despise her attitude, which always seem to get her in trouble. That is until she finds herself wanting to get into one specific teacher's good side.

Age Is Just A Number

Author : FluentInMovieQuotes

Beca's heading into her senior year of high school, pining to get herself to LA instead. She meets a redhead the night before school starts and they find out that they have a lot in common with each other. Little did Beca know that the next morning she'd discover that this redhead would be her new English teacher. Someone has it hot for the teacher.

The Voice

Author : A Charmed Vampire

Chloe Beale gets the chance to audition on the NBC hit show, The Voice. Desperate to kick start her music career, she wants to get her best chance of winning. Just one little thing standing in her way. Professional DJ, producer and recording artist, Beca Mitchell is one of the coaches. Will her crush on Beca get in the way of her musical dream?

One More Year

Author : Knope.We.Can

It's the final year of high school, and Chloe has big plans to go off to college and begin the next stage of her life. Beca just can't wait for the year to be over so she can head to LA. Having spent their time at high school as strangers, Chloe finds herself wondering about the quiet mysterious girl in her English class.

Maybe In Another Life

Author : not_so_average_fangirl

Moving into a new house turns out to be a better experience for Chloe Beale than she thought it would. Perhaps it’s because of the friendly, little brunette she finds hiding in the basement one night. An unforeseen friendship sparks between them, but as more complicated emotions begin to arise, a shocking truth is revealed, and Chloe’s world gets turned upside down.

And Everyone Wins

Author : littlepip

Beca and Chloe haven't seen each other since high school. They weren't great friends back then, but that wouldn't be the only thing that's changed.

[suechoiart]

Captain Marvel (2019) and Demolition Man (1993)

I am marinating the portions of Dada’s Boys that I’ve read over the weekend. In the meantime, I wanted to practice some writing and ramble about two movies I’ve watched over the weekend.

Captain Marvel (2019), and

Demolition Man (1993) 

((If anyone has a high-res copy of the poster...I’d be eternally grateful)) 

Incoherent rambling ahead

Summary: Captain Marvel wasn’t a good  great movie (it was a fine movie); Carol Danvers is pretty cool but very similar to Cpt America’s character; looking forward to the second half of Infinity War; Demolition Man does a *lot* of things a *lot* better than Captain Marvel. Was Captain Marvel feminist? Lessons from good action movies. 

I don’t explicitly mention plot points but /educated readers/ could probably deduce some spoilers both movies. (I’m being sarcastic. I definitely mention movie details without any regard to spoilers.) 

I have a soft spot for both Marvel Studio movies and fun, cheesy, action flicks. I love the behemoth that MCU has become, something they could not have known when Iron Man was created 10 years ago... and I love the purity of action films - of good guys ‘beating up’ bad guys - and the heart actors and directors bring to it shown in movies like Die Hard. Some of the Marvel movies are right in that spot - and their strength shines more in the ‘character interaction’ department; whereas pure-action-comedy movies like Jackie Chan’s Hong Kong productions and The Matrix have great characters but the action sequences, where the actors themselves have to train at significant amounts, shine the most. 

The more I think about Captain Marvel, honestly the more disappointed I am. Frankly for the big breaking International Women’s Day release it was not rich enough. I thought Black Panther had done marvelously (I still tear up thinking about the themes of disaphora in BP), nor was a pure comedic genius like Thor: Ragnorak .... It was a very, very, very average Marvel film. The first Ant Man is better than CM; the second Ant Man is not as good as CM. 

Which is to say that CM is not a bad film, but unfortunately disappointing for what it was ‘supposed to be.’ I don’t feel bad thinking this way, because BP was a great success in my heart; it spoke to a universal theme while championing a targeted audience (of race and origin). As I am an immigrant, although I cannot associate with Black History Month, I can still relate to it deeply in terms of diasphora and displacement. (Wakanda forever!)

I’m urged to clarify again that CM was not a bad movie, but I think it failed because it placated a lot of the villains and conflict in favor of ~Carol Danvers~. 

So, good parts of CM: Carol Danvers is pretty darn awesome. I really think that she brings hope to the Avengers, -- she symbolizes what the humans have better than any of the outer-Earth lives that are out their in the MCU: she gets back up. No matter what she’s told, whom she’s told by... She always gets back up. I did tear up here. I really did like that notion that she, and her humanity, is how the Avengers will win. 

So.... That falls pale in her co-cast:

Nick Fury, who spends 75% of screentime cooing over a cat, and apparently too young to be the badass Fury that we know and love;

Kree mentor who tells her “u ahve 2 much emoshuns 2 be a gr8 kree” 

Best friend whose character is only to tell Carol how great she is 

Cat, saves the day probably more than she does 

Somewhere between those lackluster sidekicks and Carol Danvers’ overpowered ‘superpower’ ... You basically get women are cool and funny and get over it as the central theme of the movie. 

I think the “Carol Danvers gets back up” is problematic, because I read it in a very gender-neutral language (see above: I’m framing that as the HUMANITY’S reason to win, not WOMEN’s) -- potentially because this movie is situated in a world where the Avengers lost half of total lives in the universe... But also because the wOmyN aRe StRonG idea was so, SO obtuse, especially as response to CD’s Kree mentor (played by Jude Law) -- who, again, emphasizes how much weak Carol is because she lets emotions control her. Except it’s not about emotions. Emotions are not why Carol Danvers gains strength! (It’s her humanity!)  

I think the emotion thing *could have* worked, had Carol not been very, I’d say extremely level-headed in spite of a lot of the weird stuff that happened through the movie. She never broke down, never threw a tantrum.... She was just a very secure person with a sense of humor that Fury even enjoyed. 

So then, what was Jude Law even talking about? I find the “emotional is bad, logical is good” construct very gendered and extremely problematic, especially in our political/internet-driven social climate. In words of misogynists and keyboard warriors(who tend to be young males), being logical and rational is obviously superior; and emotional bad; and as a consequence many women (or emotional men) suffer through invalidation of their experiences. When Carol Danvers, as seen in the film, does *not* have issues controlling her emotions.... why does he even say that? Why is that even written in the script? 

In short, .... Considering that this is supposedly Marvel’s stake on feminism (yikes, it didn’t even register to me as feminst) ... I have to borrow the words of this great Mashable article by Jess Joho: 

The only thing that feels truly retro about Captain Marvel's '90s setting is its shallow take on feminism that we should be moving away from, not using as a crutch. It's not just that so many of the movie's heavy-handed Feminist Moments come across as disingenuous. Those moments also tap into an old conceit of equality as a sort of revenge fantasy, mixed with the undertone of a battle of the sexes. [...]  The feminist-ish sentiment of "girls are just as good as boys" defines and measures women's empowerment as it compares to men. Consequently, it devalues and trivializes feminine power in its own right.

... so considering that this is, the first and only solo female movie in MCU...... They really, really could have done better. I hate to say this but (because MCU > DCEU), ...... Wonder Women did it a LOT better. 

Onto Demolition Man. It’s past my bedtime so I’m going to just rush through random thoughts via bullet points: 

Wesley. Snipes. (Probably doesn’t help that Blade is also one of my favorite movies.) 

Sylvester Stalone was great in this movie. He had great form in all of the shots he was in. Commandeered every scene. 

ALL OF THE CHARACTERS! They were so lively. Everyone had motivations that drove them, instead of being basically houseplants that can drive spaceships (ahem...CM...) 

I definitely have another soft spot for movies with ridiculous plots. “LAPD gets cryofrozen as a criminal for failing to save citizens, but in tern DEMOLITION MAN-ing an entire complex throughout his career. When big bad evil Wesley Snipes gets parole, only one man can stop him --- the very Sylvester Stalone, The Demolition Man, who put him in jail!” “oh and this is a weird 2023 where you have to pay fines for cussing.” 

Oddly enough this movie has a great example of ‘secure heterosexual male protagonist’ and ‘female love interest with her own motivations’.. They actually agree to (CONSENT TO!) make love, and she starts and finishes in her own terms. 

Sylvester Stalone’s character is actually very caring and understands his role in the world he wakes up to; he is not at all gross (”back in my day” is never said) and he understands his position as a guest to all of this, while asserting his own views of morality onto the world. 

Also I’m very upset that this movie achieved themes of displacement, utopia, and “who is the real bad guy?!” a lot, LOT, better than CM. 

Denis Leary plays the rebel in the movie and also made this music video, which actually aligns a lot with my thesis interests (masculinity, prescribed notions of American life, suburbs....) 

I just have to reiterate again that (1) Sylvester Stalone did not have to prove his masculinity to anyone, but his humanity is acknowledged by even the heroine in this character - (2) why must women still be *acknowledged* by man of our competence in 2019!?

OH, this movie makes SO MUCH BETTER 90s REFERENCES THAN CAPTAIN MARVEL!!! This is important. Captain Marvel makes 90s references as much as it nods to feminism. There’s a Blockbuster. And a Radioshack. Do they even realize those stuck around into the 2000s? 

To conclude... I understand the constraints put onto Captain Marvel, sandwiched between freaking Infinity War 1 and Infinity War 2. But had Marvel Studios not learned their lesson from the tragedy of Age of Ultron? Even Joss Whedon, who arguably is a very well accomplished director, could not make AoU work. It was not a good movie. And he freaking set up the entire Avengers franchise! 

I can’t know what lead to the underwhelming result that is Captain Marvel, but it is not a great product to stand on its own. 

DEMOLITION MAN IS STILL RELEVANT! Captain Marvel will still only be relevant in the future if we don’t, as a society, move on from “girls can do anything boys can do” mentality.