#and doesn't even actually tell me anything about what the symptoms feel like

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

I really need to talk to a medical /mental health professional / wtv about ocd,,

evil and fucked up to be questioning if I have the "brain preys on your uncertainties to fuel it's mental illness thoughts" disorder. what if I don't have it and I'm actually fucking up my understanding of what it even is by even considering that it could apply to me. and if I say out loud that I'm questioning it then now I'm spreading that misinformation. real fucked up of me to do that tbh

[blackberry-sage-tea]

"The Dalish gifted an Eluvian to the Grey Wardens so we can get in Weisshaupt" is just so emblematic of my problems with the game, because you can tell--it feels to me--that the thought process was "We need to have an Eluvian in Weisshaupt, Eluvians are an Elven(TM) thing, the Dalish are the Elven(TM) faction, so let's just say they were the ones who gave one to the Grey Wardens".

The Dalish have been established over all three games as a people who have spent the last thousands of years desperately scrounging for whatever scraps of their culture they can find, a struggle that has cost them dearly as typified by Merrill's plight trying to restore a single Eluvian which had previously Blighted two of her clan mates (an Eluvian that she can't open or use, and doesn't actually know what it's for by the end of her quest line). Multiple Dalish in Inquisition are killed trying to regain their history ("The Knight's Tomb") or trying to prove themselves by regaining even a talisman related to their culture ("Someone to Lose"). They are an insular and guarded people because outsider interactions frequently invoke a heavy toll in Dalish lives, up to and including entire clans. And yet, we are supposed to believe in a single throwaway piece of dialogue that in the 10 years between Inquisition and Veilguard, the Dalish have (offscreen) gained enough access to Eluvians as a piece of technology that they can afford to just "gift" one to the Grey Wardens without explanation.

There are constant revelations of this kind where pre-established parts of the lore are just thrown out the window. Things that had great emotional weight or impact in previous installments of the series are used for cheap thrills or plot-hole fills without explanation, justification, or even gravitas from the game. You have a moment in one of Emmrich's quests where you stumble through a portal directly into the Fade that Hezenkoss opened in Blackthorne manor, and you're tasked with closing it again. All of this is done entirely without the Anchor or even an implied blood sacrificial ritual, and it is never commented as anything particularly groundbreaking (when going into the Fade physically through tearing a hole in it was a Big Fucking Deal in Inquisition). You encounter a Compassion spirit in a side quest investigating the deaths of citizens in Tevinter who were murdered by a demon of Despair, and it is strong enough to not only retain itself through sensing the (unanswered!) suffering that these people experienced, but it also resolves to protect others to keep them from the same fate (when Cole was so traumatized by a single person's death that he completely reshaped his entire being around them). So on and so forth. Don't even get me started on Bellara's comment that the ancient elves "made most of their buildings in the Fade".

I'm not asking for someone to hold my hand and spoonfeed me information. I frankly don't care if an obscure codex entry, a reddit AMA question, bluesky tweet, or headcanon exists somewhere to patch in or bandaid over all of the jarring details like this, because it doesn't change the fact that the game itself should be doing this. The game itself should be taking the time to explain this in a way that is not missable, the game itself should be taking these things seriously, it should recognize when it is doing contradictory things and rush to justify itself accordingly, because these are things the emotional beats of previous stories hinged on. Like, when the game has Taash say a line like "The Qun isn't a prison, you can leave if you want", it's the responsibility of the writers to show that this is Taash being misinformed, not because I'm too stupid to headcanon that this is the case, but because this line is a symptom of how the entire game's writing seems to have forgotten about the Ben-Hassrath as a thing that exists in this setting.

Previous Dragon Age games are no stranger to "We quietly removed Solas' network of agents and spies offscreen"-style writing, but it usually didn't feel like a constant deluge periodically uprooting my emotional investment and immersion. There's only so much I can take in good faith before I realize that this game was just not written with any care towards ensuring that the worldbuilding made sense and felt right to the player, leading to awkward backpedaling in reddit threads like "no the Crows haven't changed as an organization, these are just the unique Good Crows and we forgot to mention it".

I just can't look past this shit anymore.

[krystella-shifts]

Ignoring symptoms/outer world and detaching while entering the void state

So I got this question & post idea in my DM and it's a great suggestion cuz I personally used to struggle with that and seen others struggle w/ it too.

So y'all are focusing too much on the 3d AND the thought that you are focusing on the 3d and that you shouldn't focus on the 3d. How to detach from it?

1. First of all stop focusing so much on the thought/belief that you ARE focusing on the 3d and to enter the void you HAVE to NOT feel it AT ALL cuz if you while inducing think like "ok I feel this symptoms but I'm also hearing this and why do I still feel my pillow" LIKE DON'T. Just relaxxxx we're not telling you'll to relax for nothing! Cuz I realised form my experience that if I stress that my family is being loud or if I'm feeling symptoms and that i shouldn't move AT ALL (as if I'm in some statue statue game olympics 🗿🥴) it brings my focus back on the physical world. But when I am relaxed i just don't give a fuck. Think about the time you were SO tired after a long day of being outside and you just wanted to go home and sleep, when you finally got to go in bed did you have any care in the world what's going on in the 3d? Ask yourself

2. You have two rooms if you don't wanna be in room A you just go in room B. Be in 4d to not be in 3d. Like as simple as that. Think, affirm, daydream whatever the fuck you do like literally have a party in your mind i don't care as long as you're not aware of the 3d anymore! You know what works best for you. You do not have to follow a damn method EXACTLY step-by-step. Make it your own. For me I can't only affirm and be only in the 4d cuz it's daily life for me to affirm so what I do is affirm while imagining or just imagine. And many time when I wasn't even trying to induce but was just imagining scenarios to sleep i wasn't aware of the outside world at all. Sometimes while thinking myself to sleep i felt whatever I was seeing behind my eyelids literally form and become more vivid as if I was actually in front of it (it was fun ngl 🤡) so yeah basically do what works for you. I can't tell you what works for you, no one can. Only you. (I wEnT cRaZy OvEr YoU)

3. For some people it can be fear. Fear of suddenly having everything they want (unlike what the damn bitch society have told everyone) so just accepting if you have this fear and telling yourself it doesn't have to be hard, painful the way society told us, everything is meant to be easy and just flow for us. Or your body/mind might be scared of "leaving" your body here or find it unusual but regardless telling yourself and body "you're safe, I am safe" is a great way. Writing down your fear and tearing it can also help.

Understand actually having it/ being in the wish fulfilled state

So you said you're in the void in the 4d but asking for help, even tho I obviously don't mind helping at all, you wouldn't be asking for help if you were actually in the wish fulfilled. F the terms you ARE actually in the void. I'm not just saying it as an aff or whatever. You actually are in the void 25/8. The void is within you. The void IS you. It is YOUR God state. Wdym you have it in the 4d and not in 3d??YOU JUST HAVE IT. You don't TRY to get into an awake or asleep state you just are in it when you are. Void is just like a mix of both being aware but asleep. You're not entering some completely different realm you are going within. When you force yourself to sleep you're just becoming more and more awake. But when you just let it happen it not only happens, it's effortless. Why treat Void state any different? It's not some magical thing getting you your desires YOU ARE. you can manifest anything in awake state too and you are the one manifesting in the void so don't put it on a pedestal please.

Nothing is holding you back from inducing the void state. If you believe nothing is, nothing is. Nothing can. Nope not even the 3d, not even the doubts. The law is always working. Stand in your power.

- Krystella

Wow this is something I needed to hear myself in my journey (i'mma pat myself on the back) thank you for the person who suggested this idea and let me attach the ss :D I'm grateful to be able to help! Feel free to ask. Thank you for reading !

Happy living our dream life 🥂💋🩷

✿˖˚ ༘𐙚

[golden-afternoon]

Yeah I was working on another actual fic but uhhh the 'Nari brainrot took over so uhhh here take me going insane over him and rambling about what comes to my mind. Kay? Kay.

Warnings - nsfw, mating cycle talk from a person who only has google by her side, absolutely not proofread having gone straight from brain to paper, and just know there is a solid chance I'll have more to say about this in the future.

Tighnari, by his very nature, is a very compartmentalized person. His own problems stay within himself to be dealt with later when he is done and everyone else's needs are already attended to. Always concerned with helping others and keeping things in order, even to the point of staying up into the early hours of the morning, less concerned with himself than those around him. If he’s ever struggling with anything at all, he will do absolutely everything in his power to keep anyone from knowing about it, much less something as personal as this.

In the early months of the year, especially as Lantern Rite nears, Tighnari becomes withdrawn. Quieter, more distant. The Forest Watchers have been talking for forever back and forth swapping theories and rumors in not so hushed tones.

“I heard Master Tighnari lost a family member around this time of year.”

“Really? I heard he just reeeeally hates any kind of festivities especially Lantern Rite because it's so noisy, even when not in Liyue.”

“I dunno, maybe he's just sensitive to the cold?”

Unlike the usual case where he was quick to nip such chatter in the bud and tell off the Rangers for gossiping, he remains entirely silent on the issue, otherwise carrying on as usual. Setting up excursions, documenting his findings, helping and guiding wherever he was needed…

Until he just can't stand it anymore. With hardly a word, save perhaps to Collei to ask her to care for things in his absence, he retreats, hiding himself away in his hut, barricading himself in completely so no nosy Rangers have any reason to loiter around.

He hates it.

He understands it's natural and it's going to happen and blah blah blah, but it was such a nuisance to his life he would give anything to not have to put up with it. The worst of it usually lasts a week or two before he can at least carry some semblance of normalcy and feel willing and able to return to work, but while he's in it, it drives him insane.

Some years it's so bad that he can't even focus on anything other than the absolutely filthy thoughts that plague his mind, his hands shaking so hard he can't even hold a pen long enough to attempt any sort of work. Even like this he just doesn't feel right not being productive especially when he's always running around here and there the rest of the year, why should this be any different?

Head slamming into his desk with a groan, a flush curling up his cheeks and neck. Eventually he has to crack, begrudgingly caring for the needs that grow and grow and grow and become nigh insatiable during his rut.

It starts out almost clinical, looking to just take care of a symptom of an illness almost. Face flushed, lips curled into a deep frown, he sits at his desk, fisting his cock with precision, hoping to get it over with as fast as possible by hitting everything just right.

But no. After dealing with this for years you think he would have known by now that just once isn't enough, yet he still hopes year after year. It only gets worse. Over and over and over again until he's just sore and it hurts. Until he can't keep jerking it lest he make his own skin turn raw. By this point he usually finds himself in his bed, ears flat and face buried into some blankets to muffle the pathetic whimpers that left his lips as he kept grinding his hips into the pillows over and over and over and over, chasing even the slightest modicum of relief.

And most of the time, as annoying as it is, it was completely fine for him to just be stuck imagining some faceless, nameless mate beneath him as he struggled to sate these urges. However, if Tighnari has a bit of a crush… Well, he'd be in for a rude awakening if he hadn't already acknowledged his feelings for you.

I could see poor Tighnari getting almost ill as he realized the cute moans he was imagining sounded a little too much like your voice. Everything freezes for a moment, his stomach lurching both from the realization and the sudden loss of friction when he faltered. He tries so hard to brush it aside, chastising himself for pulling you into his filthy mind right then. But it doesn't stop. Your face, your voice, your skin. Everything. Everything stays in his mind and he cannot stop it. He feels such overwhelming shame about it, but… he does eventually give in and just let whatever fantasies take root, especially since it seems to ease the feelings when he does.

But when he sees you after the worst of it is over and he leaves his hut, guilt grips around his heart and memories of those fantasies rush into his head, leaving him turning on his heel to avoid you at all costs, honestly risking you thinking he hates you with how intensely he's ignoring you.

It's even worse because Tighnari considers hiding in his hut again for even longer as usually he was fine when the worst of it passed, he could resume his duties, but with you around, he could feel his hands shaking, the intense urge to find you wherever you were and pin you down immediately was so strong it scared him a little. Sometimes it caught him off guard too, like he would catch your scent on the breeze and while in his rut, he would genuinely get so horny so fast he's gotten lightheaded, having to catch himself on whatever was nearby so he didn't go crashing down.

If he hated his rut before, the shame of all this made him absolutely loathe it.

Maybe one day you can find a way to make it a liiiiittle more bearable for him ♡

[coffee-and-tea-time]

Lovesick! Doctor x Reader

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ You need a proper care, Dear ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Hi, Coffee speaking! We both got a cold and I wanted to indulge a bit, I also got a little obsession with Lovesick! Wally ngl but I choose to start with the doctor expect me to write for a Lovesick! Patient soon

Hi, Tea speaking! We actually were also saying nonsense about humanized Pepsi (my favorite soda) and 7UP (Coffee's favorite) so yeah (why does my twin drool over a muppet?)

btw, this isn't edited due to Tea still being really sick, so do expect weird sentence structure/words or misspells, sorry in advance, just one twin absorbs all the intelligence in the womb and that was certainly not me/j

tw: this dude shouldn't be a doctor, yandere behavior, drugging, manipulation, kinda paranoia? , reader doesn't know anything is happening, written in you/yours (this is just fiction, I don't really know about medications I just research a bit to write this)

It was only a cold, you just need to go to the doctor to get the certificate and maybe some paracetamol and then leave, easy, isn't it?

As you walk in the hallways of the hospital you turn right, having a hard time trying to find yourself in this big hospital, but it seems like you were right, as you bump into a doctor, your doctor.

"dear? What are you doing here? Here is no place to wander off!"

The panic in his voice is easily noticeable, as if you walk into a horror movie and choose to separate from the group without telling anyone.

“I’m sorry doctor, I just got a little disoriented here and there and ended up here..”

You don’t really get why he reacted like that, it's a hospital anyway, the worst thing that could happen is that you enter into an operating room but there is always a sign on them… I think?

“huh, I see Anyways, don’t worry, it's just that there is no place to wander around, let me guide you towards the other floor again. I will take you in right away, is that cold of yours keep bothering?”

“Yeh, it’s seems like everyday it’s getting worse, I don’t think I could be outside of my house too much without getting a bit dizzy”

You started talking about your recent problems because of your stupid cold that doesn't seem to faze away, the path to his consultory felt shorter than you could remember but well, guess it’s normal that happens when you're focused on talking, isn't it? You choose to just blame your mind and take a seat in the neat room as the doctor talks.

“Seems like the symptoms are getting worse… too much slowly”

“I’m sorry doctor, what did you say? I didn’t really catch the last part”

You say rather chill than you should, the first part was about your cold being worse, isn't it? Well, that’s true, kinda makes you wonder if it really is a cold but not wanting to sound like a hypochondriac, plus, the doctor is peacefully researching something in one of his drawers although you can't really see his face since his back is turned to you.

“Oh, I was just commenting how you are having a really rough time, I was thinking about giving you a different medication before it gets even worse. I would rather if you sit for a little, like 15 to 20 minutes before leaving after taking it, I’m really worried about you, you look lost in thought, it’s doesn't really appear like you are here with me right now…”

Well, what he says is right, your mind seems all over the place these days, good for you to have such an attentive doctor. He hands you a pill and a glass of water.

“This is Benadryl, it's just an allergy medicine, but can give some sleepiness. I ask you to sit and wait because of that, isn’t a real problem feeling sleepy but I want to make sure it doesn’t trigger your dizziness. I change the medication because I think you can have more of an allergy than a cold due to your symptoms that are also not fading away and even getting stronger, you see, it’s normal to find allergies or develop them as you grow..."

As he keeps explaining complex things, you just wonder what to blame if it happens to be the cause of an allergy as you take the pill with the help of the water. You two keep talking peacefully, as you wait for the time to pass, it seems like the doctor was right in seeing it coming that you were gonna get kinda sleepy. Does this doctor not have any other appointment or something?

“Well, and that's about it, any questions?”

You started to feel more tired, your head felt heavy, but well, the doctor warned you about it, so you try to ignore it and wait for it to just pass.

“To be honest, yes, but this is more out of personal curiosity, what was the floor where I was earlier before you found me? It was really empty for a hospital…”

… Are you moving or are things in the room suddenly alive? You get a little surprised and try to stand up to check your own condition without thinking about it though. You feel like you lost your balance, as if all around you is spinning, the doctor is fast to come beside you, ready to grab you if you happen to fall.

“Don’t worry about it, you couldn't see any people because it's a floor for rather special inpatients we deal with. Focus on you now, what’s your name? How many fingers am I holding up?”

You try to fight to keep yourself awake, yet before you could answer his questions, your vision went dark and you finally lost consciousness.

". . ."

He holds you so tenderly, avoiding your unconscious head to get hit and end up with a contusion or something like that.

“Rohypnol is really quick to act, huh? Don’t worry Dear, I will make sure you won’t need to deal with stressful stuff from today on, that would get you here in the end anyways, I’m just avoiding you some pain…”

He gently kisses your forehead before notifying through the phone in the room that someone fainted and will require admission to the hospital.

sorry for any misspellings or weird sentence structure ❣

images from pinterest

[kairismess]

hii!!could you make something ab tsukishima taking care of sick reader?? i love your posts <3

let me fuss over you, dummy. — tsukishima kei x sick!reader

🏐 genre: fluff ~ !

✒️ word count: 376

💭 summary: tsukki was never one to shower you with his attention, until you get sick and he's forced to show just how much he truly cares about you.

🍥 author's note: i'm sick rn actually woah ,, hoping u liked this though anon !! <333

tsukishima kei, your aloof and sarcastic lover that doesn't usually choose to avidly show you his affections, and very little does he show you an overwhelming amount of attention... but that facade of his immediately shifts his mood to a complete 180 when he notices you feeling a little under the weather.

tsukishima kei, who keeps his salty demeanor up and asks you in a seemingly nonchalant voice, "what's up with you?" he might sound like a bastard as always, but internally, he's deeply worried about what's come over you and how you're feeling right now.

tsukishima kei, who doesn't wait for you to go into detail about how you're feeling and wraps his long arm around you and takes your hands in his other hand. "alright, alright... let's continue this talk when you're feeling stronger," he tells you as he guides you to your bedroom.

tsukishima kei, who knows just how you like the ambiance and atmosphere in your room to be when you're feeling down, stressed, or sick, just like right now.

tsukishima kei, who's scrolling through medical websites for simple home remedies for common ailments with the same symptoms you're experiencing right now, and preparing all the painkillers, pain relievers, cough drops, antitussives, cold smocks, thermometers, and everything else you'd need to monitor and relieve your sickness.

tsukishima kei, who ignores your whining about him being all fussy over you, despite him hardly saying a thing. he's not exactly a man of words, he's more of a man of action. if anything, him not saying anything snarky and just going around the house, trying to find everything and prepare everything that would relieve you of your sickness is him in his fussy era all over again, you'd sometimes think he's been possessed when he's doing this for you.

tsukishima kei, who is very much not possessed and sober, sighs as he checks your temperature and puts a cold smock on your forehead. he glances down at you with his honey colored eyes and furrows his eyebrows a little in a pout.

"as much as i'd like to say you're a little baby for needing this much attention from me... i honestly can't stand seeing you suffer like this, even if it's just a small cold. don't worry about me, worry about yourself; just lie back, relax, and get better. let me fuss over you, dummy."

[ruggiesbiologicalfather]

NRC Boys When They're Sick

it's illness season baybee! so here you go!

Heartslabyul:

Riddle - it's a rare occurrence for him to fall ill but on the off chance that it happens, my boy is ready. he has a strict regimen of remedies on hand including face masks in heartslabyul red which he wears religiously. sadly, he sees illness as a moral failing and spends his time wondering how this could've possibly happened. he did everything right! curse this common cold! he makes trey take expert notes in class and deliver his homework to him so he can complete it immediately. no rest for true scholars!

Ace - massive baby. constantly whining. lord help his roommate. he's not NEEDY per se; he doesn't ask anyone for anything, he's just constantly reminding the world that he doesn't feel good. pity him or he gets grumpy

Deuce - tries to fight through it and convince everyone that he's not sick. the boy could be literally swaying on his feet and congested past the point of coherency and still say, "honor students don't get sick." slip him a few benadryl in his tea and he'll recover

Trey - two words: comfort snacks. he's pretty brave about being sick but he takes time off from classes and extracurriculars to make himself (or scavenge) some snacks. also hydration is key! he's a hot water with lemon kinda guy. god forbid he has the stomach flu and can't eat. he gets MAD

Cater - he never stays sick for very long. his recovery time is pretty impressive. however, while he's down he gets BORED. he starts out just playing on his phone in bed but without actual interaction he gets a little stir crazy. expect to receive a million messages while you are in class, several thousand of which are nonsensical videos that he finds hilarious due to copious amounts of benadryl

Savanaclaw:

Leona - barricades himself in his room with an "enter at your own risk" sign on the door (courtesy of ruggie). he spends his entire time trying to sleep but he's usually coughing so bad he keeps waking himself up. he's even more irritable than usual. ruggie manages to sneak in every few hours to deliver meds and snacks before fleeing the scene. once the sickness has passed, no one is allowed to mention it. business as usual

Ruggie - seasonal allergies warrior (sorry son, you get that from me :/). every time the seasons change, he gets a terrible case of the Yuck. luckily, he can always feel it coming so he pops four zyrtec a day (instead of the recommended One) until he obliterates the allergens. the grind never stops. godspeed my boy

Jack - the grind never stops but at what cost? he's so tired... so so tired. he tries to power through like a champ though. he spends his time off either studying or doing lighter versions of his regular workouts. and if you try to tell him to take it easy, he'll hit you with: "actually it's fine to do moderate workouts if your symptoms are all above the neck." alright big dawg.

Octavinelle:

Azul - disappears. just straight up hides. people joke that it's because if the twins see any sign of physical weakness, they'll eat him. you laugh... but it might... nevermind. he doesn't want anyone to see him sick. but if you manage to get a glimpse, you'll see he looks absolutely AWFUL. like moments from death. just let him hole up in the dark for a while. after all, that's the octopus instinct

A Note About The Twins - they always fall one right after the other: jade goes down first, floyd goes down harder. and it's always in the most inconvenient way. jade will be down for a few days and just when you think he's over it, floyd goes down in the exact same way

jade - he's fucking MEAN. he drops the snide, tongue-in-cheek, gentleman act and is a nightmare to interact with. if azul tells him to do literally anything at all, instead of giving his usual mischievous compliance, he will straight up tell him, "i hope someone deep fries you." it's terrifying. while he's in the throes of illness, azul makes himself scarce. and you do too especially after last time when you found out that moray eels actually have two sets of teeth. yeah... never again

floyd - immediately turns into a ragdoll filled with concrete. he's always found face-down in the middle of his bedroom floor and cannot be convinced to move. if you want him to rest in bed, you best prepare a team to haul him up there because he will not do it on his own. and he always spikes a fever of over a hundred no matter what kind of illness it is. it's kind of scary and you think he's gonna die. but then he just pops back up like it's normal. no easing back into health. just boom, bang, back to work

Scarabia:

Kalim - Must! Be! Babied! because he's so well taken care of all of the time, he doesn't get sick with minor things. it's always a huge event. he gets whiny and clingy and doesn't want to be by himself. jamil, of course, is constantly hovering through his recovery. however, as he's being babied, he's really in remarkably high spirits. just get him some soup and play a game with him and he'll be fine

Jamil - you'd have no idea he was sick if it wasn't for the dark circles under his eyes. as you know, he's very dedicated to his job so he doesn't take time off if he can help it. sometimes he can't help it, especially when it comes to stomach viruses. he is EXTREMELY emetophobic. he would rather lay completely still, barely breathing, than throw up. kalim tries to reciprocate the babying he enjoys but jamil is not receptive. just leave him alone

Pomfiore:

Vil - very self-sufficient. he insists that rest and hydration is the key and has a million little holistic remedies for any ailment. he is GLUED to his humidifier. he also takes this time to have a little self-care day. extra-long bath, face mask, mediation, the works. it's really quite peaceful. but NO ONE under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES is allowed to see him. the only person allowed in his room is rook (to deliver supplies) and even then the lights are off and vil is hiding. he declares loudly that he's HIDEOUS but you doubt that's true

Rook - never gets sick. like... to a suspicious degree. he could tongue-kiss patient zero and skip away merrily like nothing happened. there has been one time in your entire time knowing him that you've seen him almost sick and it was barely a sore throat. according to him, it's due to a combination of a naturally strong immune system and pomfiore's dedication to wellness. whatever it is, you can't help but wonder if he's lying

Epel - comatose due to horrific amounts of cough syrup. he doesn't have time for illness; it's harvest season and country boys make do

Ignihyde:

Idia - gets sick ALL THE TIME. styx was such a sterile environment that he never built immunity to common viruses. any time he needs to be out and about for whatever reason, there's a 50/50 shot he's going to come down with something. and you'd think he'd be a whiny baby about it but ortho always discovers him lying in his bed in a mostly dissociative state. because he never got sick as a kid in styx, he never learned to take care of himself so it's up to ortho to get him back on his feet

Ortho - with all due respect, this is a robot. you'll be involved in the next post buddy. hang in there

Diasomnia:

Sebek - his ears get clogged every. single. time. so imagine sebek's voice right... now imagine he can't hear. the entire dorm is aware when he's feeling stuffed up. of course, he insists on staying up malleus' ass as usual but he does so with kn95 masks, surgical gloves up to his elbows, and an honestly insane amount of hand sanitizer

Silver - i feel like it's obvious that his way of dealing with sickness is to just sleep it off. his body is already so prone to exhaustion that any fatigue just makes it ten times worse. but he doesn't like to fight through it alone. any time he gets sick, he makes his way into his father's bed and curls up there instead of in his own. lilia knows all the ways to make him feel better. he teases him a little, saying he's far too old to be coddled and soothed to sleep. but in reality, he doesn't mind. it's nice to have his little boy back for a while

Lilia - being sick doesn't really bother him much. it's a part of life and he's been around long enough to know how to deal with it. the biggest problem comes from his back. the physical exhaustion from illness means that the pain he feels is intensified. sometimes, he's bed-bound for a day or more. in those times, it's silver's turn to take care of him for a change. he likes to make little jokes about it, saying things like "ah yes, this is why you have children. good job taking care of your old man." he doesn't want anyone else to know what's going on and silver would never tell

Malleus - you always know malleus is ill by the wailing cry that emanates from sebek. he has failed his lord! how could he possibly forgive himself!? sebek tries to help but lilia has to shoo him away. in times like these, his reptile instincts kick in. he squeezes himself under his bed and barely moves at all. every few hours, lilia wiggles under there and asks if he needs to moisten him with a spray bottle to which malleus responds with spitting a few sparks directly in his face as a warning. he doesn't like to be bothered. he'll crawl out when he's ready

[househrt]

househrt's Repression fic rec list

Fic recs where Wilson and/or House is incredibly repressed and/or oblivious (about their sexuality, their feelings, their anything). I've tried to tag authors' tumblrs where they exist, but pls tell me if I've missed any!

Repressed!Hilson

Diagnosis by tornyourdress Creator's summary: House has a dream about Wilson and decides it's his brain's way of telling him Wilson's sick. The fact that it was a sex dream is completely irrelevant. Rec notes: 1.1k. Hilson getting together. Mutual repression from these two losers (affectionately)

every burn hole smells like home by JesseStresse Creator's summary: When House's pipes break in his apartment in early season 5, leaving him with no running water and no ability to shower, Wilson is recruited by the ducklings to make House shower because he smells distractingly bad. But Wilson doesn't smell anything bad. Actually, Wilson thinks House smells really good. Which could mean nothing. OR: Wilson discovers boysmell and has a midlife sexuality crisis about it. Rec notes: 20k. Hilson getting together. Trans Wilson thinks he's straight, both House and Wilson think the other one is straight, Wilson is in deep, deep denial

Repressed!House

systemic by ictus Creator's summary: Ever since Wilson moved in, House has presented with some inexplicable symptoms. Fortunately, he has a team of talented doctors to aid him with his diagnosis. Rec notes: 10k. Hilson getting together. House keeps having vivid Hilson dreams and runs a DDX on himself (one of my fav tropes). He's so repressed about his feelings for Wilson :)))

He Won't Tell You That He Loves You by hellshandbasket Creator's summary: “Finish it out,” he grits between clenched teeth. “Go on. Ask it.” Nolan shifts in his seat. “Are or are you not attracted, at the very least, to Wilson?” House knocks his forehead against his cane. “I don’t know. Maybe.” In which Nolan pulls at the Wilson thread, and House can't stop it all from unraveling. Repression is a hell of a drug. Rec notes: 25k. Hilson getting together. Repressed!House (not) dealing with his big gay crush realisation, Wilson is more observant than people think (quote: “You are the stupidest fucking person I’ve ever met,” Wilson declares. “You’re a moron, you know that? I don’t even know how you get through the day. An idiot.”)

Polygraphing by DarnGoshit Creator's summary: Greg is in a room full of liars and he knows what his Power is before he hits junior high. Or: Everyone is born with a supernatural abilities. House's is knowing when someone lies. Rec notes: 5.4k. Pre-Hilson. (Mostly background Hilson) House is the last one to know he's in love with Wilson, and is desperately trying to find out if Wilson feels the same (but he won't ever just ask, of course not)

keep me where the light is by RMarie124 Creator's summary: "House has his earth shattering, (good) knee weakening, life changing revelation about Wilson at such an inopportune time, that he’s tempted to laugh. He would have, if he hadn’t been hands deep in his patient’s organs." Rec notes: 13k. Hilson getting together. House realising he's in love with Wilson and panicking about it, feat. some bad pain days

Repressed!Wilson

a thousand teeth (and yours among them) by itooaminthisepisode (anarchy_opossum) Creator's summary: He just takes in the sight of House, loose and pliant and beautiful despite the pain he’s in - the glazed look in his eyes, the way his mouth drops open, the way he presses his nose into Wilson’s palm. The way he digs his teeth into Wilson’s skin. “Ow!” he yelps, quickly withdrawing his hand as the tender mood vanishes without a trace. “What the hell was that for?”' or: Sometimes, when House gets too overwhelmed by his emotions, he gets a little bitey. This is five times House bites Wilson, and one time Wilson finally bites him back. Rec notes: 1.2k. Hilson getting together. James "I'm not gay" Wilson, my beloved, with some hurt!House as a treat

only fools rush in by bittereternity Creator's summary: so take my hand, and take my whole life too. Or, the one in which Wilson realizes he's in love. It kind of throws him off-kilter. Rec notes: 3.7k. Hilson getting together. Wilson is the last one (except for House) to figure out he's in love with House. Includes Foreman giving Wilson the shovel talk and Cuddy's response to Wilson's "I'm in love" confession being “Which nurse do I need to replace this time?”

Noticing The Little Things by erimeows Creator's summary: Wilson notices things in House that he didn’t before. He notices that House eats the yogurt first because he knows that Wilson’s favorite parts of the parfait are the fruit and the granola, notices that House has beautiful flashing blue eyes and a gorgeous smile. He notices House’s cute little habit of playing with his own hair when he’s bored and the way House likes his coffee; black with an ungodly amount of sugar. Wilson notices things in himself that weren’t there before either. He notices that his heart is beating far too fast, that his face is hot, that his fingers twitch with anxiety and that he can’t stop himself from scratching the back of his neck. He’s so tired from losing sleep over the issue that he can barely stay awake, even with House looking him in the eye the way he is right now. “The hell’s wrong with you?” Rec notes: 4.4k. Hilson getting together. Wilson's big gay sexuality crisis. House's concern takes the form of thinking he must be sick and running a DDX on Wilson's big gay crush symptoms

Five Times House pranked Wilson And One Time He Didn't by vampiremustdie Creator's summary: what it says on the tin. crack fic + some very much earned yelling at each other as an excuse to get them close together !!! Rec notes: 5.3k. Hilson getting together. House being annoying, Wilson getting annoyed, then they kiss about it (also includes House drugging Wilson, one of my fav tropes)

I wanna scream “I love you” from the top of my lungs (but I’m afraid that someone else will hear me) by eating_custardinbed Creator's summary: “Call your divorce attorney and pack your bags, Jimmy. Me and you are shacking up.” in which Wilson is told that he is gay, and goes on a journey of self-discovery Rec notes: 5.8k. Hilson getting together. Wilson is the last person to figure out he's gay

A Little Experiment by roamingbee Creator's summary: House and Wilson have a drunken one-night stand. Wilson freaks out. House deflects. Rec notes: 7.8k. Hilson getting together. Wilson freaking out after his first gay experience (with House)

James Wilson and the Cozy Blanket of Denial by tornyourdress Creator's summary: "Why not date you?" Exactly, House says - why not date me? Rec notes: 3.2k. Wamber + Hilson -> moving into Hilsamber. Jealous!House and James "I swear, all straight guys fool around. It doesn't mean anything!" Wilson

your slightest look easily will unclose me by tornyourdress Creator's summary: Wilson has an unusual response to hearing about a patient of House's trying to 'cure' himself of being gay, and both House and Sam realize something's up. Rec notes: 3.6k. Wilson/Sam -> Hilson getting together. Wilson went through conversion therapy as a kid and is in major denial about how it fucked him up

starry eyes sparking up my darkest night by lawrussoauto Creator's summary: In his office, at work, with a girlfriend at home, Wilson was about to watch his best friend and their boss have sex. The realisation that House had emailed him a sex tape finally sank in. Where, in said sex tape, they were talking about him. “You think I’m afraid to go public? I want to prove you wrong … With a sex tape. We’ll send it to Wilson. It’s a win-win.” -- House, S07EP01. Rec notes: 1.6k. Huddy + Hilson -> Hudson. Wilson is repressed about his big gay feelings for House and watches Huddy's sex tape.

Correlation Does Not Equal Causation by housethemd (Whiskeyrose1) Creator's summary: “This… this hasn’t happened before.” “Most people say that in the opposite situation.” Alternatively titled: Wilson Doesn’t Actually Have Whiskey Dick Rec notes: 3.1k. Established Hilson. Previously repressed!Wilson and House have a drunken hookup (quote: “You don’t have whiskey dick, you’re just gay.”)

Shake The Disease by WeirdAn Creator's summary: Wilson moans House's name in bed. His marriage goes downhill, but he isn't gay, right? Rec notes: 3.3k. Hilson getting together. Wilson having his big gay freak out

Simply Complicated by wearywren Creator's summary: Wilson has made a big discovery about the true nature of his feelings toward House. House, of course, wants to figure him out. Rec notes: 2.7k. Hilson getting together. Wilson having his big gay freak out, House being nosy

Commedia Dell'Arte by IreneSpring Creator's summary: Even the most ornate masks eventually crumble. Wilson's lasted over thirty years, which would be impressive, if it weren't for the devastating ramifications. Rec notes: 7.6k. Hilson getting together. Wilson in denial about how he's autistic. James "But everyone does that, right?" Wilson. (Quote: How the fuck does anyone get diagnosed with autism when all the criteria are just normal parts of being a person?)

The Evolutionary Imperative by pleasuretoburn Creator's summary: "There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends, and there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function." (2.04) or, Wilson gets involved in a situation he never expected to find himself in but, as the good, blundering creature that he is, he will people-please his way into his new life as a father. The only problem is, as always, House. Rec notes: 46k. Hilson getting together. Kid!fic that I, someone who rarely enjoys kid!fics, loved (Continued in this series)

Hypothesis by IreneSpring Creator's summary: At the beginning of the month, James Wilson decides to break out of his depressive spiral by having an affair with the first woman who is not needy. By the end of the month, he is facing an existential crisis decades in the making. Rec notes: 15k. Hilson getting together. Comphet!Wilson figuring out his sexuality (quote: "Am I gay, or just severely depressed?")

[feel free to send me fics you think should be on this list and I may add them. The rest of my fic rec lists are here. Last updated 05 October 2024]

[bambisworlds]

chronically ill in the midst of calamity

living during the apocalypse is hard to begin with, it's even worse when you have an autoimmune disease like bambi. rick and bambi have been a couple since before the world fell apart, and they've found themselves in the worst conditions they've had to withstand so far. the longer she goes without proper hydration and nourishment the worse her symptoms are becoming. he's not sure how much longer he can take seeing her so weak (3,783 word count).

content warnings, but there's not much to warn about lol

f!reader, chronic illness!reader, established relationship, attentive!rick, caretaker!rick, season5!rick, bearded!rick, use of good girl, fainting/syncope spells, sister figure!michonne, mentions of death/violence, mentions of starvation/dehydration, this will follow the majority of the canon plot and include spoilers (but judith doesn't exist), let me know if i forgot anything x

my masterlist

i have POTS and i've daydreamed a lot about what rick would be like with a chronically ill gf. this is what i think he'd be like. also i basically just use the name bambi instead of y/n cause it gets annoying typing y/n over and over, so imagine her however you'd like :)

Rick was on edge. Not only were his insides gnawing at him for food, but the whole center of his universe, Bambi, was sick. Rick’s fingers absentmindedly combed through Bambi’s hair as he stared blankly at the ground. Her head was resting on his lap as she slept. His mind was trying to conjure solutions to get more supplies, or more importantly more food and water. Before the world went to shit the best way to help Bambi’s symptoms was for her to drink as much water as possible. She’d only had a few measly sips today and it was paying the price.

They didn’t have the medications she used to take for her condition anymore either, they had run out after a few months, and their only options to make her feel better were hydration and nourishment. She didn’t have either right now and hasn’t for a long time. Rick could handle the hunger and thirst, he would suffer through it if it meant Bambi had more food and water for herself. He had been lying to her and telling her he already had his portions when he was actually mixing his in with hers and only eating and drinking enough so his organs wouldn’t fail. Rick could handle starvation and dehydration. But he couldn't handle seeing Bambi so sick and weak.

Her face was now constantly pale and green with an unrelenting tremble in her limbs. Her body pains were nearly unbearable and she was having presyncope spells (the sensation of fainting or very nearly losing consciousness) multiple times a day. Rick was so worried he could hardly keep his cool, wanting to smash someone's skull in as if that would do anything, but he knew he had to keep calm for her sake. Rick wasn't the only one who was worried. Everyone in the group loved Bambi like family, and seeing her so vulnerable made everyone's already protective natures grow tenfold.

Bambi's head stirred on Rick's lap as the barn doors creaked open and Maggie called to the group. Rick rubbed his thumb gently on her head, encouraging her to keep resting.

"Everyone… this is Aaron," Maggie announces. At the sound of a stranger's name, Rick's head flew in the direction of the door. He quickly, but gently, lifted Bambi's head off his lap and rose to his feet while drawing his gun, "We met him outside, he's by himself. We took his weapons and we took his gear," Maggie reassures everyone as Daryl patted the man down. Bambi sat up curiously. Rick stood right in front of her, blocking her partially from view while Michonne stood on Rick's left. They made a collective barrier between the stranger and Bambi who was peeking around Rick's legs at the newcomer. Aaron looked around wearily as everyone in the group stared him down, making it clear if he even moved too quickly he'd be on the ground with a bullet in his head.

"Hi," Aaron said, his tone unsure and weary, "It's nice to meet you," he continued as he took a step in the direction of Rick, Bambi, and Michonne to shake their hands. Everyone flanked around him, clearly not wanting him any closer to Bambi. Rick lifted his gun with a threatening tilt of his head as if he was challenging him to move any closer.

"You said he had a weapon?" Rick asks Maggie, disregarding Aaron's greeting. As Maggie walked over to Rick to hand it to him, he holstered his gun, still standing protectively in front of Bambi. Rick inspected the gun before making a show of counting the number of bullets in the gun before tucking the weapon into the waistband of his jeans, "There somethin' you need?" Rick questions Aaron, his voice husky and intimidating.

"He has a camp nearby," Sasha speaks up, "He wants us to audition for membership," she says with a disbelieving glance towards Aaron.

"I wish there was another word. Audition makes it sound like we're some kind of dance troupe. That's only on Friday nights," Aaron jokes, trying to ease the crushing tension in the barn. Yet nobody so much as smiled. Realizing nobody was interested in small talk or jokes he shook his head slightly, "And it's not a camp. It's a community. I think you all would make valuable additions, but it's not my call. My job is to convince you all to follow me back home." he explains but nobody says a word. Rick was still staring at Aaron with an unruly gaze, "I know. If I were you I wouldn't go either. Not until I knew exactly what I was getting into," Aaron swallows nervously and looks over at Sasha, "Sasha can you hand Rick my pack?"

Bambi bristles slightly as Aaron uses their names, meaning he has been watching them for a long time, "Front pocket, there's an envelope." Aaron instructs as Rick kneels beside Bambi to look inside the backpack. Bambi leans closer to try to look inside the pack as well, "There's no way I could convince you to come with me just by talking about our community" Aaron acknowledged before motioning to the pack, "That's why I brought those." he says as Rick pulled out a yellow envelope. Bambi rested her cheek against his shoulder as he listened to Aaron explain things further, "I apologize in advance for the picture quality. We just found an old camera store last--"

Daryl cuts him off, "Nobody gives a shit." he says gruffly.

"You're absolutely 100% right," he says to Daryl before turning back towards Rick who had started to pull pictures out of the envelope, the images all fuzzy and low quality. The top one was a picture of tall, braced walls, "That's the first picture I wanted to show you because nothing I say about our community will matter unless you know you'll be safe."

Bambi glanced up at Rick, trying to decipher what he thought. Rick looked at her briefly before looking back down at the pictures, "If you join us you will be. Each panel in that wall is a 15-foot high, 12-foot wide slab of solid steel framed by cold-rolled steel beams and square tubing," Aaron continues to explain as Rick rises to his feet, resting a hand on Bambi's back so she wouldn't bump her chin on his knee or something as he stood up, "Nothing alive or dead gets through that without our say-so."

Michonne looks over Rick's shoulder at the pictures as Aaron continues to make his pitch. Everyone was glancing around each other as if trying to communicate telepathically, trying to tell if the others believed his story or not, "Like I said, security is obviously important. In fact, there's only one resource more critical to our community's survival. The people. Together we're strong. You can make us even stronger."

Rick glanced down at Bambi, then over at Michonne, before he started walking briskly towards Aaron who was still babbling on about the pictures. Bambi's eyebrows furrowed as Rick advanced towards Aaron, not entirely sure what he was doing, and then Rick swung hard, connecting his fist with Aaron's jaw. Bambi's eyes widened slightly as Aaron fell to the ground, knocked out cold.

"Why'd you do that?" Becca asks incredulously. He didn't even give Aaron a chance to finish explaining.

"We gotta secure him, dump his pack," Rick instructs Carl, "Let's see what this guy really is. Everybody else we need eyes in every direction. They're coming for us. We might not know how or when, but they are." Rick barks at the group. Bambi begins to rise to her feet and Rick immediately walks back over to her in two quick strides, "Sit back down, you don't need to be on your feet," he said firmly, gripping her arm to encourage her to sit back down. Bambi exchanged a glance with Michonne, who had sent her a meaningful 'talk to him' look.

"What if he's telling the truth?" Bambi asks Rick, staying on her feet even as he tries to force her to sit back down, "We gotta at least hear him out."

"Me and Sasha, we didn't see him. If he had wanted to hurt us, he could've," Maggie pipes up as well. Rick disregarded Maggie's words, snaking his arms beneath Bambi's thighs to lift her and walk her over to a nearby crate before setting her down on it and sending her a firm 'stay put' look.

"Anybody see anything?" Rick asks the group. Bambi glared up at him, even as he planted a kiss on the top of her head, seemingly not caring she was irritated with him.

"Just a lot of places to hide," Glenn says as he looks out one of the peepholes in the barn walls. Rick yanked over another small crate and lifted Bambi's feet to set them on it.

"Keep 'em elevated," he murmured to Bambi before turning back to Glenn, "All right, keep looking," Rick commanded before turning towards Carl who had been stifling through Aaron's backpack, "What'd you find?"

Carl hands him a flare gun, "Never seen a gun like that before," Carl mutters as Rick pops open the gun to see what type of ammo it holds. When he realized it was a flare gun his eyes darkened. Was this bastard waiting for the chance to signal his group so they could ambush them? That wasn't an option for Rick, not with Bambi so sick and weak. On good days she could hold her own just fine, but good days were few and far between for her now. Rick stalked over to Aaron. Maggie was holding a wet cloth against his head as he slowly came to.

"That's a hell of a right cross there, Rick," Aaron chuckles dryly, barely able to lift his head off the dirty floor of the barn.

"Sit him up," Rick says lowly, clutching the flare gun tightly in his hand.

"I think it's better if--" Maggie began to argue when Aaron cut her off.

"It's okay," Aaron mutters with a groan.

"He's fine, sit him up," Rick says again, not caring if Aaron is fine or not.

"You're being cautious, I completely understand," Aaron says after he sits up with another pained groan.

"How many of your people are out there? You have a flare gun," Rick says, holding the gun up so Aaron and everyone else can see it. Bambi shifts nervously on the crate, maybe Rick was right and this guy was trying to double cross them, "You have it to signal your people. How many of them are there?"

Aaron sighs, "Does it matter?"

"Yes. Yes, it does," Rick says, making it clear he wasn't asking. He needed to know how many people were out there.

"I mean, of course, it matters how many people are actually out there, but does it matter how many people I tell you are out there? Because I'm pretty sure no matter what number I say… 8, 32, 444, zero… no matter what I say you're not going to trust me." Aaron says decisively.

"Well, it's hard to trust anyone who smiles after getting punched in the face," Rick quips.

"How about a guy who leaves bottles of water for you in the road?" Aaron argued. Daryl looked back at the couple of water bottles they had found in his pack.

"How long you people been following us?" Daryl demands gruffly. It had been days since they found the container of water bottles in the road. Rick glanced back at Bambi briefly, mad at himself for not noticing they had been followed and possibly putting her at risk.

"Long enough to see that you practically ignore a pack of roamers on your trail. Long enough to see that despite a lack of food and water, you never turned on each other. You're survivors and you're people. Like I said, and I hope you won't punch me for saying it again, that is the most important resource in the world," Aaron emphasized and Rick stepped closer to him.

"How many others are out there?" he demands calmly.

"One," Aaron answers and Rick shakes his head with a slight smile, "I knew you wouldn't believe me. If it's not words, if it's not pictures, what would it take to convince you that this is for real? What if I drove you to the community, all of you? We leave now, we'll get there by lunch."

"I'm not sure how all of us are going to fit in the car you and your one friend drove down here in," Rick says, trying to poke holes in Aaron's story. Bambi nibbled on her bottom lip, feeling conflicted. This man seemed sincere, but after so long of watching your back it's hard to take what people say at face value. If they're lying it could end with someone, or everyone, getting killed. Not to mention Bambi could barely see or think straight, she could feel another fainting spell coming on.

"We drove separately. If we found a group, we wanted to be able to bring them all home. There's enough room for all of us," Aaron insists.

"And you're parked just a couple miles away, right?" Carol asks.

"East on Ridge Road, just after you hit Route 16. We wanted to get them closer, but then the storm came and blocked the road. We couldn't clear it," Aaron explains.

"Yeah, you've really thought this through," Rick mutters, still not buying it.

"Rick, if I wanted to ambush you, I'd do it here. You know, light the barn on fire while you slept, pick you off as you ran out the only exit. You can trust me," Aaron promises.

Bambi could feel her limbs starting to tremble more than they already were, her vision going black around the edges as her throat began to tighten. She shakily got off of the crate she was sitting on, not wanting to fall backward and bang her head when she fainted. Carl instinctively reached to help her sit on the ground.

"Dad it's happening again," Carl says urgently as Bambi begins to struggle to keep her eyes open and slouched against him. Rick's gaze snapped in Bambi's direction and hastily walked over to her.

He dropped to the ground beside her, instantly cradling her against his chest, "You're alright baby, I'm right here," he tried to soothe her as she began to hyperventilate. Her breathing often picked up before she passed out like her throat was tightening and limiting her airflow. She couldn't slow it if she tried, "Try to relax, I'm right here. I'll be right here holdin' you the whole time until you wake back up," Rick insists as Bambi's eyes involuntarily drift shut and her breaths puffed out in short staccatos. Rick's hand cradled the base of her skull while the other curled around her to keep her from falling off his lap.

"I'm trying," she gasps out, her voice strained, "Can't open my eyes."

"I know, it's okay. Just let it happen," Rick coos, his grip tightening as her body began to tremble more, another common occurrence before she passed out. Aaron watched the scene curiously, asking what was wrong with her but Michonne quickly shushed him. Maggie had already gotten up to grab one of the few bottles of water, knowing Bambi would need it when the spell passed. Bambi's body finally went limp in Rick's grip and he sighed shakily, readjusting his hold on her to feel the pulse on her neck. Feeling her heartbeat gave him comfort when this happened, a reminder that even though she was unconscious she was alive.

Aaron glanced around the room, looking for any understanding as to what was happening, but nobody seemed overly alarmed, as if this was a common occurrence. Maggie crouched down beside Rick, holding the bottle of water in her hands. "She's startin' to come back," Maggie mutters, noticing the change in her breathing. Rick glanced over at Aaron, making sure he hadn't moved, even though everyone else was still circled around the room watching him. Rick began to rub her back as she came to, her eyes opening slightly.

"Hey baby, everything's alright," Rick soothes her, kissing her forehead, "It's all done," he coos, "My brave girl," he whispered against her forehead for only Bambi to hear. When her eyes began to look a bit more focused Rick nodded at Maggie, who then held the water bottle up to Bambi's lips so she could take a few sips. Rick continued to mutter encouragements and soothing words into Bambi's ear, rubbing her back and gently massaging her scalp.

"I'll check out the cars," Michonne says now that Bambi seems more stable.

"There aren't any cars," Rick grumbled, sending Michonne a disapproving look despite his gentleness towards Bambi who was still leaning against him, taking a few more sips of water that Maggie offered.

"There's only one way to find out," Michonne argues with a determined glint in her eye.

"We don't need to find out," Rick snaps.

"We do," Michonne insists, "You know what you know and you're sure of it, but I'm not."

"Me neither," Maggie agrees from her spot beside Bambi and Rick.

"Your way is dangerous, mine isn't," Rick shakes his head, readjusting his hold on Bambi to keep her firmly against him.

"Passing up someplace where we can live? Where Carl can live? Or where Bambi can live without having to make herself sick? That's pretty dangerous," Michonne protested before standing straighter to show how serious she was, "We need to find out what this is. We can handle ourselves. So that's what we're gonna do." she said firmly, leaving no room for argument. Michonne glanced down at Bambi who was cradled against Rick, limp in his lap like she was too weak to move, before looking back up at Rick meaningfully. A silent reminder of her own concern for Bambi's health.

"Then I will too. I'll go," Glenn says. Rick shook his head for a moment, as if he was going to protest, then looked over his shoulder at Abraham.

"I'll walk with them," Abraham says, pushing off the wall of the barn to go over to Michonne and Glenn. Rick then turned to Rosita and she agreed to go as well.

"If there's trouble, you got enough firepower?" Rick asks them.

"We got what we got," Glenn sighs and Rick reaches behind him to grab Aaron's gun out of the waistband of his pants and handed it to Glenn without jostling Bambi too much, "The walkies are out of juice. If you're not back in 60 minutes we'll come. Which might be just what they want." Rick says as the group begins to leave the barn to keep watch outside for any signs of trouble. Rick carefully lifted Bambi into his arms and walked over to a measly pile of straw they had used for a bed the night before. He gently set her down, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Try to get some shut eye okay? I'll be right here if it happens again," Rick murmurs soothingly, resting his hand on the side of her face. Bambi nods, lying down on the straw. She always felt exhausted after these spells. Rick made sure her shirt covered the expanse of her torso so the straw wouldn't itch her, making sure she was covered and as comfortable as possible before walking over to the door of the barn to peer out for any sign of danger.

"When the world was still the world, I worked for an NGO. Our mission was to deliver medicine and food to the Niger River Delta. Bad people pointed guns in my face every other week. You're not bad people. You're not going to kill us. And we are definitely not going to kill you," Aaron says.

"Just because we're good people doesn't mean we won't kill you," Rick mutters, still looking out the crack in the barn door, "If the five of them aren't back in an hour… I'll put a knife in the base of your skull," Rick said with an eerily calm tone of voice before shutting the barn door and walking over to his backpack. He had found some electrolyte packets a few weeks ago and had been rationing them for Bambi. As he dug through the bag only to find empty packets he sighed shakily, running his hand over his face. Taking them after these spells helped her bounce back quicker.

"I don't know if asking will earn me another punch in the face but… clearly your girlfriend isn't well," Aaron said hesitantly and Rick looked up at him, his eyes turning into a deadly glint, "I don't know what's wrong with her but from all the electrolyte packet wrappers in your bag I take it Gatorade might help her?" Aaron swallowed nervously, afraid he would somehow set Rick off, "There's a half-drunk bottle in my pack. I'm sure you saw it in there." Rick only looked at him, before grabbing Bambi's backpack to see if she had any packets left. Knowing Aaron had been following them, Rick was worried he knew that Bambi was sick and the Gatorade was a trick, "This isn't a trick. This isn't about trying to make you like me. I just want to help." Aaron insists. Rick sighs again and glances over at Bambi who is watching them with droopy eyes.

Rick rose to his feet and grabbed the half-drunk bottle of Gatorade off the crate they had used to put Aaron's stuff on before walking back over to Aaron and holding out the bottle in front of him with a raised eyebrow, "She's not drinkin' this until I know it's not poisoned or some shit. Take a sip," Rick says firmly. Aaron sighs and leans forward to take a swig of Gatorade. Satisfied Aaron didn't immediately die or spit it out after, he walked back over to Bambi and helped her sit up, "Drink this baby, it'll help you feel better," Rick encouraged, holding the bottle to her lips. As Bambi takes a few sips Rick kisses the top of her head, "Good girl."

"We have a big community. Medical supplies, medicine… we have the means to help her if you'd let us. You'd have your own place to live where she can be safe and regain her strength," Aaron tries to reason and Rick glances down at his watch.

"You got 43 minutes," he mutters before focusing back on Bambi who was sipping on the Gatorade.

if you have any requests including the people on my masterlist please comment them below any of my posts or in my submissions!! (check here: about my blog  to see what things i'm not comfortable with in regards to requests <3)

[hotmessmaxpress]

in your a/b/o au how would marc's first heat after they got back together would happen? also and especially compared to all the heats he had to spent alone suffering?

also can we have a little something about how and when vale bit marc pretty pleaaaaase 🙏🏻

okay this isn't his actual heat but it's been sitting in my drafts and I think it needs to see the light of day

Marc knows that now that he and Vale are fully mated, he'll be spending heats with Vale. That's part of the point of being mated. Still, when he knows it's coming up he's too nervous to tell Vale. He's still too conditioned to expect rejection from the older man. His instinct to tell his mate is at war with his heart trying to protect him from pain.

Vale isn't stupid, though. He puts so much effort into learning all of Marc's smells and feelings and behaviors that he can tell immediately when Marc is off.

So Marc is trying to come up with a plan for how to handle it-- how to explain to Vale that he doesn't even know what to do with himself because he is so conditioned to dread heats. He's so used to suffering through them and being miserable and yearning during them. He can't even picture what it's going to be like.

Then it's imminent, and Vale can tell that they've got to be less than twelve hours away from it hitting and Marc still hasn't acknowledged it. So he just asks.

"What do you need for your heat? Bez always wants specific snacks and pillows and I want to make sure we have them," Vale asks with an eye roll, poking fun at Bez.

Marc is frozen in place, somehow surprised that his mate managed to figure out his very obvious symptoms of an oncoming heat.

Marc bursts into tears.

He's hormonal and tired and worried and something about hearing Vale's concern just throws him completely off.

Vale takes him into his arms immediately, terrified that he's somehow misread the situation and that he's hurt Marc again. So he pulls Marc close, thankful that the smaller man lets him do that despite whatever misstep just occurred.

And Marc tucks his face into Vale's neck, so soothed by the smell of his mate that he's able to calm down.

"I don't know," he says quietly, not letting go, even when that sentence makes Vale tense up. "I don't know what I like or need. I normally just-- I normally just lay there and wait for it to be over."

Marc feels guilty for the stress he can smell on Vale, who is frozen and speechless.

"You don't-- Marc you don't ever have someone help you?"

Marc shakes his head.

"I didn't want anyone or anything but you."

Not for the first time, Vale doesn't even know how to make up for that level of pain and hurt. It feels like a physical blow to the chest, knowing how deeply he failed as an alpha. He takes Marc into their bedroom, and guides Marc toward the bed. He's a little surprised when Marc takes a step away from him and starts throwing a nest together, but he waits patiently to be invited into bed.

When Marc allows him he wastes no time climbing into bed with him and wrapping him up in his arms again. They both are able to relax then, now that they're safe and warm in the nest.

"Tell me what they've been like," Vale insists gently.

Marc tangles his fingers in Vale's shirt, avoiding his eyes as he explains.

"When I went into heat it was just... I didn't want anyone other than you. I couldn't. I couldn't enjoy it and I didn't want to. I just wanted you. I locked myself in a room and waited it out."

Vale can't imagine how painful that would have been, and he also can't imagine that was good for Marc physically. He admittedly doesn't know much about omega biology, but he knows enough to know it would have been terrible. He runs a hand up Marc's arm and shoulder to where his healed bite mark sits, and he thinks about the pain there. He imagines it must have been agony; the pain from the infected bite and the pain of suffering through a heat completely alone.

There's a lump in his throat and he kisses Marc's forehead, feeling the heat underneath his skin.

"I'm never leaving you alone again," Vale says, vehemently.

"I know," Marc says sweetly. He tilts his head up, seeking a kiss, and Vale obliges. It's chaste and quick, but it feels loaded with significance. A promise of more, in the future.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I told my partner to stop bringing up the fact that they're undiagnosed

Submitted: 19/04/2024

(💑♾️)

I've (18FtM) been with my partner Brit (17F) for 3 years now, we met in high school and have since graduated. In that time, I've worked with multiple professional to seek therapy and diagnosis for my multiple conditions, two of them being ADHD (combination) and Autism. Brit along with my childhood best friend were actually the first people to suggest I could be Autistic and should look into evaluation for both, not just ADHD, which I had been suspecting for a while. Obviously I was excited about my diagnosis because I am finally recognised and am able to get accommodations, talk about it outside my immediate circle of friends and accept myself without doubt that I have this.

Immediately after my diagnosis, I started to talk to Brit about how amazing it feels. And how excited I am to be able to have an explanation for a lot of my issues both growing up and currently, accommodations and other things too. Brit suspects they are likely autistic too and used to think they had ADHD before being evaluated, and it returned with a negative result. I still think they feel annoyed about, since they constantly bring up the fact that they don't think the evaluation was accurate because they lied during it to make their symptoms seem less obvious out of fear of the diagnosis at the time. They've tried to ask their mom to be evaluated for Autism, but their mum refuses to, as she has multiple reasons to not believe that they do and refuses to think anything could be wrong with her child. Brit doesn't have enough money on their own to get an evaluation (Mine cost a couple of thousands, and that was on the cheaper end). I have been talking to Brit about my diagnosis for a few days and how happy I am and every time I talk about it, they constantly bring up how lucky I am and that I don't need to brag and saying “I wonder how that feels”. At first, I tried to understand what they are going through because I get what it's like to suspect you have something but not have the resources or the doctors that can properly evaluate you, but after the 5 or 6th time it feels very degrading, invalidating and demeaning. I don't understand why they can't just be happy for me as their partner and not let it reflect on them. I've been thinking about just telling them to shut up the next time they bring it up as it's really getting on my nerves, I feel that I have the right to be happy about the diagnosis and not have to worry about upsetting my partner for whatever personal battles they have going on with them. Furthermore, I do listen to them and comfort them when they're upset about their own experience, but it feels like they're making my own experience into their own. I've been thinking of texting them that being undiagnosed doesn't mean they can invalidate my experience and that it isn't all about them, that they can just be happy for me and that it feels like shit to be happy about something that someone else is so negative about even though it has nothing to do with me. So, WIBTA if I told my partner to be quiet about not being diagnosed

[peripaltepsy]

You said you had tips for dealing with hypochondria, right? - Entity

yeah, sorry for the late reply !

So, first of all, check on your necessities as soon as any panic starts. Are you thirsty, hungry, need to use the bathroom, tired? Fulfilling your needs will help a lot

I had 4 stages of recovery.

First stage: actually believing that I had x condition; I wondered if it was just anxiety but the fear was winning.

-> I would google not the symptoms I were "feeling", but the actual condition I thought I had. Notice how most conditions, when acquired, will take some time, like 3 days before onset. I'd think to myself, there's no need to stress right now; if I do feel these symptoms in 3 days I'll worry only then. (And then the symptoms never occurred lol)

-> Identifying triggers: literally anything can be an anxiety trigger, even things you'd never think of. I got anxious at a specific time of the day: 4 pm to 6 pm. Foods with white flour can trigger anxiety too. Chocolate also triggered it for me. It's up to you whether to avoid or deal with stuff (I for example, chose not to avoid chocolate since I already rarely ate it.) If you choose to avoid, keep in mind it's only temporary and you'll be able to expose yourself to these triggers someday

-> THE FAKE SYMPTOMS YOU'RE FEELING ARE EITHER THE ANXIETY OR NORMAL BODILY STUFF THAT YOUR HYPERAWARENESS IS PATHOLOGIZING.

Example: heart racing? Anxiety. Shivering? Anxiety.

I once got super worried because some parts of my face were warmer and others were cooler. But this is literally NORMAL.

I also worried because I felt the moisture inside my mouth and throat. It's NORMAL AND NECESSARY FOR SURVIVAL

-> If you're able to, go to a low-stimulating place. When I was in school I'd go to the bathroom and play music. It was just a 3 minutes break but I needed that. At home, I'd also lock myself in the bathroom but I'd watch latino shitpost compilations :)

-> I think one of the best forms of distraction is comedy. Have some youtube channels and tumblr pages etc bookmarked.

-> Remember, how many times did you really have the condition your hypochondria was telling you? Zero. ZERO!!!! IT WILL ALWAYS BE ZERO!!! THAT BITCH IS A LIAR!!! XD

-> You can ask friends to help ground you and remind you that the anxiety is wrong

-> sometimes anxiety is developed out of nowhere, but if you can find a "why" you developed it, that's good

Second stage: Knowing it's just anxiety, but the fear of having x condition/dying was still in my mind.

-> thats because your subconscious doesn't believe that your anxiety is caused by a concrete perceived thing; it still assumes its caused by a nebulous grand illness or something. Keep talking to it and asserting its not an illness but actually just X trigger. It'll take time but YOU'LL SUCCEED

-> There's not much to do. Just distract yourself and keep fighting the anxiety saying it's wrong.

Alternatively, if you're confident enough and grounded, you can be the bigger bitch. "Yeah so what if I got x?" "I don't fuckin care" "wow I'm so scared /s"

-> Activities that require active focus like doing the dishes are good distractions as well

-> Panic attacks = anxiety of anxiety. You can't force them, so if you confront something potentially triggering heads on and are aware of your anxiety coming up you'll be able to prevent feeling Real Bad.

Example: you're going to read an article about an illness and know it's gonna trigger you. So you click on it, you're not afraid of feeling anxiety, you're just aware of what you're gonna feel. You start noticing your breathing becoming shallower and think "the anxiety has begun". After reading it you go relax a little with the yt channel you bookmarked, for example. You're aware that your anxiety could use that new knowledge against you (aka it can be a new trigger) but you don't care because YOU'RE the one in control, YOU'RE the bigger bitch and won't let it dictate what you should do or not.

-> KEEP THE GIGACHAD MINDSET : Despite being neck deep in the hypochondria ocean in high school, I wanted to study stuff relating to healthcare in college. I didn't care that I could potentially get triggered everyday, I'd find a way to deal with it. And then I managed to beat hypochondria before entering college!!!

-> Ultimately, (and this may not suit you) what led me out of the second stage was a buddhist meditation called Maranasati. I used to do other types of meditation as well; maranasati is "death awareness meditation". Basically you just confront death and illness heads on and learn to be at peace with them.

Third stage: Knowing it's just anxiety

-> On this stage, the "health anxiety" part of your anxiety is gone or almost gone.

Just ride the bad vibes until the anxiety symptoms subside. And use the coping mechanisms and distractions as well.

Fourth stage: I got so evolved I can cut panic attacks as soon as they start

-> on this stage, I can immediately identify when something is making me anxious and think "oh, X thing is making me anxious"; and the panic symptoms immediately quiet down and stop; since the knowledge that yes, that concrete and perceived thing is the cause of our anxiety is anchored in my subconscious.

I hope anything I wrote can help you, good luck, beat that bitch into a pulp :)

[furiousgoldfish]

I had a conversation the other day, with a person who seemed to have some respect for me, but couldn't understand why I'm still having trauma symptoms, and can't be normal already. I took it as a chance to try and explain my symptoms, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears;  I was told I just needed to tell myself that 'I am a new person now', and forget about the past. The person then explained to me how they weren't always the same person either, and they would sometimes cringe at their behaviour in the past, but then they would be proud of themselves for being smarter and more reasonable today. I couldn't quite explain to them that my situation was not the same.

They gave me various suggestions like 'just don't think about these things anymore', and 'these people are not going to hurt you anymore', which I strongly doubted was true. I tried to explain that I am not purposefully thinking about it; in fact, I was doing everything to avoid it. But with intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, and the symptoms of the dissociative disorder, I had no control over it, the past was at my throat, holding me and unwilling to let go. I could tell that they still believed I was doing it on purpose, holding on and refusing to stop living in the past.

I very rarely get a chance to talk to someone about anything trauma related, so I was originally grateful that anyone was even showing an interest at 'attempting to help me', but later when I thought about the entire thing, I got pissed off.

Firstly it doesn't make any sense for me to be 'normal', in any timeline, regardless of how much time has passed. You can't have a person living first few decades of their life in belief that their life is worthless, in environment where they're getting locked up, beaten, humiliated, tortured, threatened with death, brainwashed to believe they're not human, severely neglected, and without any kind of genuine caretaker or a parent. And then leave it to this person to 'deal with it alone', never getting any help, never even getting reassured that what happened to them was wrong. That is complete abandonment by human society, and I find it sick and twisted that this person should be expected to adhere and integrate into society afterwards, for what? This person will logically feel betrayed, untrusting, bitter, feral and unnacepting the society's standards, especially their standards for victim blaming and ignoring abuse. Society continually fails these people expects them to 'fix themselves' so nobody would feel uncomfortable about it.

Secondly why is it up to me to change as a person? I am not like this because 'I was not a good enough person', I am not the one who needs changing. I am good as I am. It's worse that after being failed in every aspect, I am now being seen as the one in 'the need of change', for not acting normal and being haunted by my past. I am not hurting anybody! I am the only one suffering from this. God forbid my reality leaves someone uncomfortable, I better try to hide it better. Which I actually do unless sometimes is actively asking me about it.

And the last bit of my anger is about making it seem like the actual problem is 'me holding onto the past', and not my life being severely different and harmful in a way that isolates me from other people. I don't have the same formative experiences other people had. I don't remember being cooed at and hugged, I don't have endless experiences of being taught that I'm important, that someone will care and intervene when I'm in pain, that the figures of mother and father are safe, warm, comforting and reliable. That childhoods are a positive and fun part of life. That families work as an environment for children to be raised on. I don't have the experiences that formed all other beliefs that this culture holds, I hold nothing sacred that is sacred to everyone else, I don't believe in the authorities, I don't believe in family, I don't rejoice with holidays, I don't want children, I don't trust religion, I feel contempt towards capitalism, I don't relate or connect to people who are receptive to any of it.

And it turns out I'm right to feel as I do. Because people in this society will actively come to me asking me to 'stop being like that', while never asking any abuser to 'stop being like that'. Victims who make them uncomfortable can be spoken down to, should be told to stop being traumatized, even in private, while the abusers just need to be 'ignored' and 'hopefully they stop doing it'. What a great plan. Surely it will fix everything.

Humane thing to do would be to approach me with awareness that I've been treated like a worthless creature and address it and allow me to act genuine about it. If I'm still feeling betrayed, abandoned and outcast from society, I should be able to express that. I deserve to react with genuine responses rather than this insane preformance art I have to do every single day to make sure nobody else is aware or uncomfortable by my peril.

[kohakhearts]

goh parentified child syndrome. go(h)

my time is here at last. thank you for enabling me <3 apologies for taking months to finish writing this giant post!

welcome to my dissertation on this fucking Dynamic <3

ok! first thing, let's establish our criteria for Parentified Child Syndrome. this is obviously not like, an actual diagnostic Thing, but there are a million and one articles out there for us to look through. so i did the tough work of scouring those to find some Symptoms we can use as anchor points here. a lot of this is split into "emotional" (parents seeking comfort from their children, rather than comforting them) vs. "material" (parents assigning their children responsibilities that are not age-appropriate (e.g. grocery shopping, paying bills, etc.)) needs, but for simplicity i'll just merge them together - because realistically, they often go hand-in-hand. so the primary symptoms we'll work with here will be:

disruptive childhood behaviours (particularly at school)

stress and anxiety

reluctance to participate in play/age-appropriate activities with their peers

difficulty acknowledging and accepting one's feelings

insecure attachment styles

need to feel "in control"

distrustful of others/self-reliant to a fault

absenteeism and poor performance in school

passive communication style

the other obvious prerequesite here is the family dynamic. so let's dissect that one a bit!

goh's family situation isn't actually like...100% clear. but i have analyzed every episode where his family is even mentioned like it's my full-time job and i have no reason to believe his grandmother actually lives with him. so in the scope of this essay, i am assuming that she lives nearby, and most likely has a key to the apartment, but does not live with them.

otherwise, we are given enough context to assume that camille and walker have been busy with work goh's entire life (though i'd choose to believe for my own sanity that in his infancy his mother at least wasn't working...though given the type of job she has, that's actually...kinda hard to say for sure). we can also assume that they've at least been self-employed for the majority of his life. it's clear that they are fairly well-established in the city/in their field by jn, and since goh is supposed to be 10 at this point, it makes sense to me that they've been building that company up pretty much his whole life.

in terms of the work they do, goh tells ash, my dad is a system engineer and my mom is a programmer. they run a company together. granted, we don't see very much of their actual workplace, but what we do see is completely void of other people. as in, camille and walker do all this work BY THEMSELVES.

nothing in the anime otherwise disputes this! if anything, goh's explanations of his parents' lifestyle just reinforces it. he also suggests that during periods of harsh weather and heavy system use, his parents are busier than usual. this implies that they are most busy during holidays. this is actually further implied by the flashback in jn015 where they explicitly say to him that they're sorry for having to work through the holiday. his reaction, being completely unengaged, not even really even acknowledging it, tells us that this is the norm.

however!! he also shows off a special device to horace in jn032 that he says his parents made specifically for him, to help him learn more about mew. this suggests that they must have some amount of free time to dedicate to him...but they show their love for him through material gifts related to their line of work (his computer set-up, too; he tells scorbunny that his parents set it all up for him).

otherwise, we see camille and walker privately share their concerns about goh (a clear awareness that he doesn't have many friends, concern about him being lonely because of them, etc.) but never actually confront goh with their concerns or appear to go out of their ways to do anything about it. i wrote a bit about this and the symbolism of having him catch a cubone of all pokemon in the episode we're introduced to his family here but the tl;dr is that camille and walker demonstrate care for goh to each other but not to him - presumably to compensate for their physical absence, we get the impression he's given a lot of freedom and little to no discipline.

which brings me to the first criterion:

disruptive childhood behaviours (with a side of absenteeism, which presumably contributes to poor performance in school)

goh's school life is obviously inconvienent to the plot progression, so for narrative purposes the writers have him just not go to school. in jn049 we get the explanation that goh had made a promise to their teacher to show up to school for tests...but the weird thing about this scene is that chloe's surprised by it:

since in jn001 and jn002 we see that chloe is goh's only point of contact amongst his schoolmates and that she hand delivers schoolwork to him at her dad's lab, the only way this exchange really makes sense to me is if it's a new arrangement. even the fact that goh makes a point of saying "hey, i followed through, go me" to their teacher here gives that vibe.

so, we can extrapolate from that that...prior to whenever this agreement was made, goh just didn't go to school because he didn't want to. but given how schools operate, we can pretty safely assume his parents are aware of this. and i have strong reason to believe that they have at least been on the receiving end of phone calls from teachers or administrators, because of these lines from jn015:

all things considered, this is a weird assumption to make, especially about your hyper-independent introverted child...unless there's a history of disruptive or unfriendly behaviour to inform that assumption. and based on goh's behaviour in jn001 at professor oak's pokemon camp, i don't think it's so out there to say the pattern probably was there.

goh is actually a super sweet kid towards his parents and has a clear admiration for them both. even in flashbacks, his whole thing is kind of like...he doesn't want to bother them. they fall asleep on family vacation and don't spend time with him? well, that's fine! he'll just find something else to do! in that same episode in the flashback sequence, they pick him up on the side of the road alone in the pouring rain and he doesn't say a word to them. even though he was angry and upset before.

so, yeah. i think it would make a lot of sense if he were well-behaved at home and not so much so at school. but camille and walker, even when they learn about things that happen, don't seem to probe or discipline him. whether because of any combination of giving him leeway out of guilt or of not wanting to encourage him to act out at home, we don't know. but the disconnect obviously exists.

which then contributes to

stress and anxiety, difficulty acknowleding and accepting one's feelings, and passive communication style

goh is socially awkward, yes, and clearly very anxious socially especially early on in jn, but a lot of that seems to come from an inability to express his wants and needs. i think jn003 has some of the most succinct examples of this - ash having to realize he's struggling and to reach down to him when they're climbing the tower in order for him to even accept that he can get (and needs) help getting up, and then later one when he stumbles over his words trying to ask ash to be his friend.

i think another good example is in jn007, after he gets knocked out at the flute cup. passive communication relies a lot on shifts in body language and in, well, passive statements. when ash approaches him to tell him to cheer up, goh doesn't actually really...respond to that. he does this

and then runs off. which he does fairly often, actually, even as late as jn135. it's emotional avoidance 101. literally just run away from the thing that's bothering you. something else we see in jn135 is him backing out of admitting he wants to go on a journey - because he is concerned about ash's reaction (though i think it's a little more complex than that, but i'll circle back to that).

and of course there's jn062, which i wrote a lot about in this post. but the whole thesis of the episode is that goh has learned through his relationships up to this point that it's okay to not understand your feelings but you still have to feel them. and it's actually a really beautiful character development moment for him, but also reinforces the fact that he still doesn't know how to grapple with his own emotions. after finally finding drizzile and explaining how he knew he would find it there, he starts to cry and doesn't know why. but even aside from feeling vulnerable, it's kind of a culmination of this stress he's been carrying with him throughout the whole episode...and the sense of responsibility he feels for driving drizzile away. which is a great segue into

insecure attachment styles and need to feel "in control"

if there's one thing i feel like people sleep on regarding goh's character, it's how much of a mother hen he is. he's obviously very thorough and thoughtful when it comes to looking after his pokemon - as in jn062 where he spends all that time chasing down drizzile after it runs away, even to the point of telling ash and chloe that they should stay behind because it's getting late but that he's going to keep looking - but he's the same way with ash.

off the top of my head, things like buying extra scones because he knew ash would want them, making ash wash his hands after eating ice cream, chastising him about punctuality, you know...very parental kind of things. he actually does it with horace too, when they first meet, by bringing a lunch for them both when he goes back to the forest to meet him again.

anyway, being a Mom Friend is cute and all, but it also REEKS of parentified child. taking on responsibilities that aren't yours to fulfill? yeah. that's a need to feel in control. it's what he's used to! it offers him security!

the other side of this is...chloe. goh's first friend, who he refuses to consider a friend, or let consider him a friend. but, like, she obviously IS his friend. and yet our introduction to them gives us this exchange

goh and chloe have a pretty tense relationship at the beginning of jn, wherein she is clearly trying to help him (by you know. getting his homework for him and shit) and he blows her off in a text message, which she complains is a repeating behaviour. chloe is obviously very loyal to him, even though he doesn't seem to repay the favour. again, there's a big disconnect here.

insecure attachments generally stem from anxiety over potential rejection and/or poor self-esteem cultivated in childhood based on parents’ emotional availability (or lack thereof) to their children. by keeping chloe an arm's distance away, goh keeps himself safe from the dangers of vulnerability, taught to him through childhood encounters with emotionally unavailable parents.

i'm not here to armchair diagnose (ok, who am i kidding, yeah i am), but i think goh's attachment style is anxious-avoidant. his clear avoidance of making friends, the multiple times we see him break off his friendship with ash only to minutes later be like "me and the bestie"...yeah, that's avoidance. but he does crave intimacy, arguably even more than he fears it.

hence why even though he knows ash would want him to journey on his own...he still convinces himself that actually telling ash that would be, as he calls it, a "betrayal of [their] friendship." my theory is that he's not concerned that ash will be upset - he's concerned that ash won't be upset enough. which is why when then ash turns it around on him and says he's going on a journey, goh gets upset and pushes him away. he does the exact same thing with horace when they're younger. just a complete 180 - he wronged me once, so he's the worst and i can't forgive him, ever.

the difference with chloe is that she actually takes care of him more than he takes care of her - which changes the dynamic from "i have to do everything to keep this person in my life, including suppressing my emotions for their sake" to "i cannot express to this person that i have needs and desires because they'll think i'm too much and they won't stick around if i do." which is primarily avoidant, but insecure attachment nonetheless.

this is extrapolation, but i think his relationship with chloe is so different because we are supposed to get the sense that they have a more familial dynamic. so, she's the one person he can't push away from him - but as he learned in his actual family dynamic, he also can't be too close to her. he doesn't want to be smothered; he doesn't want her to feel smothered by him. so they maintain a degree of separation that only begins to go away after her father begins literally housing and feeding him, thus integrating him and ash into their family in some honorary way.

which brings me to the last point, i guess, which is

reluctance to participate in age-appropriate activities with peers and self-reliant to a fault

these are, i think, the traits that jn is most blatantly attempting to better in goh throughout his arc. so i won't spend too long hashing it out, because i think these are things we all know he struggled with!

in flashbacks, we see him alone at school; during the first episode, at professor oak's camp, he is always physically distanced from the other kids and chloe even points out that he's basically doing professor oak's job at one point! he's not on the same level as the other kids and it's clear he doesn't want to be. when he meets horace, we see that it takes him some time to get comfortable enough with him to go explore the forest together and become friends.

he doesn't go to school, but that doesn't mean he isn't learning things - he becomes a very self-directed learner early on, from what he see. he's not just like...rotting in his room playing video games. he's studying and researching. the only times aside from with horace that we see him in a flashback doing something that isn't solitary is with pokemon - and even then, he's like...reciting their pokedex entries. his abra story at the end of jn is precipitated by him saying he was going through his dad's old pokedex (which is a whole other thing - this implies walker used to be a trainer, but neither of goh's parents seem to have pokemon...perhaps they're too busy with work to look after them? a theory for another time, i suppose, but it has undeniably being gnawing at my brain since that episode aired lol).

and of course, there's the fact that in jn062 he tells drizzile he was never comfortable with confiding in his parents or his grandmother...suggesting that he never confided in anyone, because we don't really get the sense from the whole "i don't NEED friends" exchange in jn001 that he considers chloe a reliable confidant, either.

the other place we see his flawed sense of self-reliance, aside from like...everywhere in the first 10 or so episodes, lol (something that is reflected pretty beautifully and symbolically in scorbunny's story, too!), is in project mew. he has to learn how to work in a team - and he clearly hates it. at this point he's found one person to rely on, but that already feels like too much. the raid battle with articuno is the most obvious example of this. he isn't good at being a leader, but he also isn't good at being a follower. because he's only ever been responsible for himself, and he doesn't trust anyone else to know how to direct him, but he also has no clue how to work within the parameters of a team.

i also want to say, as a final note, that i actually think this is all extremely intentional writing. obviously in the west we have a strong capitalism culture too, but the work culture in japan is very toxic (just google "japan work culture" and you can see right away how intense it is lol) and i'm not actually surprised at all that pokemon would make such a direct commentary on that - a lot of japanese kids could probably relate to goh and his emotionally absent, work-obsessed parents! they are clearly pretty well-off, but their dedication to work supercedes matters of home and family, because that's how it's supposed to be. as a result, goh admires them a lot for this dedication - but his arc is primarily about letting go of the "work" part of interacting with pokemon and learning how to have fun and make the most of his experiences. and i think that's a really lovely message for modern pokemon to be sending to kids :')

[aritsukemo]

S/o who tends to skip meals | Multiple Characters

Characters: Sunny, Basil, Aubrey, and Hero

Warnings: Depictions of possible eating disorders. Reader shows symptoms of depression ( Sunny and Basil ). Reader purposefully starves themself ( Aubrey ). Stressed out reader ahead ( Hero ). With all that said, read at your own risk!

A/N: Thought I'd post something Omori related while I was in school. This particular scenario has been in my drafts for over a year ( so bare with me if the writing sucks more ass than usual ) and I was never able to finish it over on Wattpad so I thought, "Why not just post the completed ones over here?". Also I must, again, apologize for the writing. I wrote this when I wasn't in the best headspace so it's probably blander than usual- 😅

Sunny stares at your retreating form with a frown on his face. This is the—what? Fourth time this week that you've skipped out on your lunch? He knows this not because you've told him ( You'd never tell him about something like this ) but because of his own observations.

At first, he thought you simply didn't want what was served to you that day or something, but after today, seeing you reject one of your favorite meals, he knew something had to be up.

And so, he grabbed your plate and followed after you.

 "Uhm..Sunny, why are you following me?" You asked, now sitting down on the steps that led up to your front door, as you looked back at him. Sunny doesn't answer you and instead walks up to you, sits down beside you, and silently offers you your plate full of food that you hadn't eaten.

 "Oh, that's why.." You eye the large serving of food with a look of discomfort that you try your best to hide. Even with it's pleasant-smelling aroma, you have no will to eat. To be completely honest, you barely had the energy to come sit out here—hell, you barely even got out of bed and got dressed this morning.

 "I'll eat it later," You finally say, "I had a big breakfast this morning." A lie. In actuality you didn't eat anything for breakfast this morning. You don't know why, you just..simply didn't have the appetite for it.

Sunny continues to stare at you in silence, his face baring the neutral expression you had grown used to. He still holds the plate up to you despite your rejection which makes you look away. After a moment, you feel a light tap on your shoulder. You turn back to look at him only to see him holding the utensil with a small piece of food hanging off the edge of it.

 "Thanks Sunny, but really, I'm not hungry. I'll just eat later." You say and to your surprise, he replies back in a small voice.

 "Please.." He mumbles, "Can you eat a little bit of this?"

Sunny always preferred to stay quiet and let others—mostly Kel—speak for him. It was a habit that took time for you to grow used to and now that you have, it sounds odd hearing your voice..

 "I'm not hungry.." You push but he doesn't listen, still holding the small portion of food up to your lips, waiting for you to open your mouth and consume it.

 "Please eat," He says and you end up sighing. If it were literally anyone else in the world, you would tell them no again and probably leave to avoid further conversation but since it's Sunny asking- No, pleading with you right now to eat just a few spoonfuls of food, you find it hard to refuse him..

 "Alright, fine. For you, I guess.." You say in an almost defeated tone, "But only a little. I'm not eating it all.."

With a nod of his head, Sunny quickly shoves the small amount of food into your mouth before scooping up another miniscule portion and repeating the step again, and again, and again until a quarter of the food was gone from the plate.

Huh, guess you were a little hungry after all..

"How could this have happened?" Is what you thought as you gazed at your knees which were slick from your tears.

You had just seen them not too long ago. You were just laughing, joking with them about dumb stuff you did as kids and ranting to them about everything that you've been going through recently and now, they're gone. It was hard to believe but unfortunately it was true. If the phone call from your best friend—who's voice was hoarse from crying—about the entire thing wasn't enough proof of that.

They were dead. You didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to them one last time. No one did..

A light knock sounds through your room. You just barely heard it. As you wipe your tears, you mumble a small 'come in' and the door cracks open just enough for Basil to slip in.

 "Hey.." He whispers, a sad look pasted on his face. You glance over at him, but fail to greet him back. You can't. If you tried, it probably wouldn't be coherent anyway..

Basil walks over to where you sit on the floor near your bed and sits just a bit away from you. You don't glance at him this time.

 "..I'm sorry for your loss.." He finally says. Maybe those weren't the best words to say, but that was the only comforting thing he could think of. I mean, it was better than saying nothing, right? Hopefully it was.. If not, Basil might just crawl into a hole and suffocate..

 "Uhm.. I don't know if this is related, but I noticed you haven't been eating as much as you usually do.. Not that I'm saying you eat a lot! You just normally eat more than the amount you've been eating which is..practically nothing.. But that's not important right now. I mean it is but.." Basil sighs.

Why was talking so difficult?

 "I.." Basil snaps over to look at you, who's eyes were glossed over with tears despite your best efforts to hide them. You hated burdening people, Basil especially. He already had so much to deal with after all, you wouldn't want to add onto his list of problems..

 "I'm.. I'm fine, Basil.." You murmur, your voice sounding a bit strained as you swallowed the sobs that threatened to slip from your lips. Basil's frown deepens at the sight.

 "You don't have to lie..or hide it. I can tell how sad you are.. U- Understandably so, if someone I cared about died I'd probably.." He pauses for a moment before mumbling out a small 'nevermind' under his breath.

"I know you're grieving, but you shouldn't.." He pauses again, "..I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Although you're really sad and you feel like nothing matters right now, you should still try to take care of yourself. If you don't, the feeling will only get worse and your health will go down the drain too.."

 "Of course, I can't force you to take care of yourself or anything, but if you can at least start eating again—"

 "I.. I get it," You interrupt, "And I know you're worried. I just..need some time."

Basil nods his head, "I get that, take as much time as you need. B- But not too much time, you can't go long without food.."

"You need to stop doing this," Aubrey grumbled as she attempted to hand you a plate of pizza only for you to glare at her.

"Eat," She says firmly after a while of silence, but you make no attempt to grab the plate of pizza. Irritation begins to bubble at the back of Aubrey's throat, but she swallows it back as best she can. She's been trying to work on controlling her anger lately since you aren't fond of such negative energy.

..Plus, it wouldn't be a good idea to shove this pizza slice down your throat, now would it?

A few days ago, you had gotten into a really bad fight with a family member. Arguments surfaced often in your family, but you're usually able to brush it off. This time, however, was different. Aubrey doesn't know what happened and you've refused to tell her the details. All she knows is that whatever it was, it made you so angry that you couldn't get over it and ended up losing your appetite for a couple days.

She found it rather dumb and backwards to starve yourself because you were mad, but Aubrey shouldn't be one to talk when she thinks back on all of the things she's done in the past due to the simple fact that she was upset..

"This is stupid," She ends up saying anyways, "You shouldn't take your anger out on your body because you're pissed off."

At this point you weren't even listening to her, looking back down at the page of the book you were reading as you made it obvious that you were tuning her out. The sight made Aubrey's blood boil.

"Eat the dang slice already before I make you," She threatens, but even then, you heed her no mind and continue with what you're doing.

Agh! Why were you being so difficult right now? She's actually trying to be a gentle and thoughtful girlfriend for once and you're acting like some brat! Why she outta—!

"I appreciate your concern for me, Aubrey, but I'm really not hungry right now," You flip to the next page of your book, a brief flap being heard as a result, "You can leave the plate with me and leave. I'll eat it eventually."

"I- I'm not worry about you!" Aubrey blurts out without thought, her face growing hot.

"Wow, tell me how you really feel."

"Wait! Th- That's not.. I didn't mean to, I.." Why was she getting so embarrassed over this? It's obvious that she cares, I mean, she wouldn't be here otherwise. Why couldn't she just agree with what you said and left? Or better yet, not said anything at all..

She mentally sighs. She really has to work on verbalizing her feelings more like you said..

"Ugh, whatever.. The fact is, I'm not leaving until you eat something.." She ends up grumbling out.

"Well what are you going to do until then. I'm telling you now that I won't be eating anytime.." As you glanced up from your novel, ready to solidify your point by shooting her another glare, you watched on in shock as Aubrey crawled onto your bed and up to you.

"..soon," You're finally able to finish once Aubrey settles herself beside you. You stare at her for a while with an unreasonable expression, simply trying to make sense of her actions before you finally ask, "Uhm, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" She retorts, even going as far as to roll her eyes, "You said you weren't planning on eating anytime soon so I made myself comfortable. You have a problem with that?"

Oh. She was serious? You didn't think..

"No, I don't mind..I guess," You mumbled, a little embarrassed at how hot your face was just from the simple proximity. You tried your best to hide it by turning your head downwards a bit more, hoping that it would come off as you being really indulged in your book, but really, it just looked like you had bad reading posture..

"So.." Aubrey mumbles after a while of silence, "What's the book about? I noticed you've gotten pretty far so it must be at least a little interesting, right?"

"Oh? It's ( Favorite book/light novel ). It's really good, probably my favorite," Without your knowledge, a small smile begins creeping up your lips, "It has a lot of funny moments actually. Like for example, the main character and their friends did this really stupid thing where.."

You ended up talking Aubrey's ear off about the book for the rest of the afternoon. She didn't seem to mind it. In fact, she seemed pretty engaged in the conversation which was a bit surprising to you.

Rambling on and on about the things that you had already read a million times, you didn't even notice that you had subconsciously eaten the entire slice of pizza until it was gone..

Huh.. Who knew a good talk about something you enjoyed would make you work up such an appetite?

You absolutely despise sick days.

Because of two days. Because you missed two measly days because you felt under the weather, your entire day- no, your entire week has been fucked.

Assignment on top of assignment on top of assignment on top of a ten-thousand word essay, on top of a multi-step project that's all due in a few days. And that's only for one class! You knew it was a bad idea to lay in bed all day not doing anything, especially when you're a college student nearing the end of the year, but you had felt so bad the days prior you couldn't help yourself..

And now, you're stuck at your desk, writing away. Even though you've been at it since early this morning, you've only managed to finish one-third of all your work. This may be because you haven't eaten anything all day and your body hasn't fully recovered from being sick, but it's whatever. You don't have time to worry about yourself right now anyway..

 "Hey, babe!" Hero chimed as he walked into your room. Normally, you would've replied with a small 'Hey' or something, but today, you didn't even glance at him much less speak.

"Uhm..babe?" He calls again only to get the same response; silence. It makes him frown at first, but as soon as he notices your open computer and the small stack of papers on the side of you, his frown straightens out a little.

"Would you like some help?" He walks closer, "I don't know much about this subject in particular, but I can at least.." Hero words fail as a rather loud and embarrassing gurgle erupts from your stomach--a little drawn out as it pleads with you to feed it.

 "Y/n," Hero calls out, a little more firmly this time, "Have you eaten yet?" For the first time today, you finally force your eyes away from the notes you're writing and glance over at your boyfriend, who was staring at you with furrowed brows and eyes filled with worry.

It almost makes you hesitant to lie to him. Almost. You shake your head yes.

 "Are you lying?" He asks, and this time, you decide not to answer him and instead look away from him, focusing back on the assignment at hand. Hero sighs.

 "I thought we agreed that you wouldn't do this again.." He mumbles, resisting to spew out the lecture that sits on his tongue. You already seemed stressed out as is, he shouldn't make things worse.

And so, he turns and leaves. You don't know how long he was gone for nor did he tell you where you went, but he made it obvious of his return when he gently snatched your papers away from you and replaced it with a brown paper bag that had the logo of your favorite fast food joint on it.

 "I'll give this back to you when you finish eating," He says and you fix your lips to argue with him. You can't afford to take a break after all. If you do now, you'll never get this done in time..

 "These are just notes, right?" He clarifies as he grabs your laptop with his free hand, lifting it off your desk with ease, "If so, I can finish this up while you eat."

 "But.." You mumble out, but that's all you really have the energy of saying. With your stomach aching, a hunger headache pounding against your skull, and the delicious smell of food taunting you, you can't really do anything besides sigh, nod, and take the food out of the bag.

As you take the first bite and the flavor hits your tongue, you hum in satisfaction before taking another bite and repeating the cycle. As this goes on, Hero watches you with a smile on his face, eventually having to force himself to look away so that he can focus on the computer screen that shines brightly in his face.

Dividers were made by me, pictures used are from Pinterest, post formatting is inspired by @xxsabitoxx

[zoeykallus]

Hm? *gets hit in the face with a note* GAH- *opens the note* another request? But it’s with- *ahem* “I request Reader x Crosshair but make it with Pheromones please-” Oh no…

Aloha!

You are getting a lot of those notes, aren't you? 😁 Well, as it happens, I actually have an idea for a scenario like this, I'm telling you I gathered the wildest ideas in my fever dreams 😅

Crosshair x Fem!Reader One-shot -

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Warnings: 'Good old' Pollen Trope/ Smut/ 18+/ Bondage/ Dubious Consent/PiV Sex/ Dirty Talk/ Strong Language/ Oral/ Feral Crosshair/ Graphic Description Of Sexual Actions/Overstimulating

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Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

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AC: I feel like I've not written anything like this in years. Which of course isn't true, but it still feels like it. But I think I like what came out of this.

Crosshair keeps sneezing as you make your way back from your little expedition. The rest of the group is on an errand with Rex and his shuttle. You and Crosshair have stayed behind. Curiosity has driven you into the surrounding landscape of the Marauders' landing site. Even though Crosshair has no interest in the surrounding flora and fauna, he reluctantly came along, saying, "I guess I can't let you go off on your own. If anything happens to you, I will never hear the end of it when the others come back" You take off your gear when you get back, at least the things you don't need at the moment, as he sneezes again. Crosshair sighs and rubs his temples. You frown critically and say, "You should have used an air filter, like me" "Nonsense," he grumbles. "Well, I don't have to sneeze," you reply, shrugging your shoulders. He rolls his eyes and waves you off. "Just some pollen, nothing more, it'll be over in a minute" You pick up your data pad and say, "Some pollen can be dangerous, Cross"

When you call him by the pet name you're the only one to use, he rolls his eyes again, but he doesn't complain. He doesn't want to admit it, but somehow he likes that you've given him a nickname. It shows that you like him, and he likes the idea, but he won't admit that either. You browse through some information about the planet, especially the fauna, and suddenly stop. Something you've discovered makes you nervous. "See," he says contentedly, "it's stopped already, I don't have to sneeze anymore, it's all half as bad" When you don't answer, he turns back to you after taking off his armor. "Since when are you so quiet?" Again, you don't answer, you're engrossed in the information about a particular plant you've found. "Hey, Kitten," he says impatiently, "are you even listening to me?" You look up and ask him critically, "Why did you take off your armor? It's the middle of the day" Crosshair shrugs and says, "It's warm in here, and it's more comfortable without it" You say critically, "I don't think it's warm in here" He grumbles, "Well, I do"

"Any other symptoms?" you ask, a little alarmed. Crosshair reaches for your holopad, takes it from your hand, and skims the article you've just read. Depending on the amount of pollen inhaled...Heat flushes, sneezing, headache, followed by extremely increased libido, sexual desire bordering on animalistic proportions, loss of control... High probability of becoming a danger to yourself and those around you. If left untreated, the condition ends in extremely high fever, which can lead to brain damage or even death. No medical treatment options. Only treatment option is sexual relief (sexual intercourse/sexual acts that lead to repeated orgasms) "What the hell are you reading? Is that a guide to one of those dirty little stories you sometimes write?" Startled, you stare at him. "What?" Crosshair smirks, shrugging his shoulders in a suggestive manner. "Well, you fell asleep writing the other day and your pad was still on, just lying there. I took a quick look over it. It was pretty clear quickly what you were writing" You feel hot and cold, you're not sure exactly how much he's read, and you wonder if he realizes that you're imagining him as you write. But another thought outweighs your shame, your worry.

You scroll back up a bit on the pad that's still in his hands, point to the picture of a flower and say, "No, that's an article about this plant. We walked through a field of these flowers earlier while you weren't using an air filter. You're already showing symptoms" Crosshair blinks, skims the text again. "Oh," he says quietly. He tosses the holopad onto your bunk, rubs his temples again and looks around. He can feel it now, slowly at first, gradually but steadily increasing. His body temperature is getting higher, his thoughts are getting mixed up, there is a penetrating buzzing behind his temples, and there is clearly a very physical desire. "I need you to cuff me, for your safety. Where are my handcuffs?" Crosshair hears a click, then feels cold metal. You've cuffed his own wrist and chained him to the weapon rack. "I'm ahead of you," you say softly. "Clever girl. But that won't be enough. You have to tie me up properly"

„Properly?“, you ask, frowning.

Crosshair nods and says, "Yeah, I can open handcuffs without a key if I have one hand free" You mumble with a grin, "Sneaky bastard" "Shut up, kitten," he says calmly, with a little smirk, pointing to the other bunks, "Better find something to tie me up before the symptoms get worse" Unsure, you go to the drawers and side compartments of the other bunks. You find some more handcuffs and chain his other wrist to the weapon rack on the wall. Crosshair groans softly, a bulge has already formed in his Black's pants. He is far too warm in his skin and his cock is as hard as a diamond.

For a second you just look at him, his slender, wiry but stealed figure chained to the weapons rack at the wall. His shoulders down to his hips forming an apetizing V-line. "Okay, so far so good," he says tensely, "But that's not enough" You frown, but finally get two more cable ties and tie his legs to the frame on the wall. Crosshair stands there, as if nailed to a cross or pilloried, except that it is a weapon rack that is firmly anchored to the wall. "Fuck," he moans softly. Automatically, he writhes in his restraints, his clothes, the pants of his Blacks rubbing over his hard cock, eliciting another soft moan. He is extremely sensitive at the moment.

"But what now?" you ask anxiously, straining not to look down between his legs. "I can't hurt anyone now," Crosshair says and swallows. He means you, he can't hurt you now, he can't do anything against your will, you realize. "But... We have to do something, you could die or suffer permanent damage from this condition," you say nervously. You can see that he can barely think straight, that he would love to tear himself away if he could. But he smiles at you and says, "You're not worried about me, are you?" "Of course I'm worried", you say, almost indignant he might question this. He licks his lips, his mind a jumble of images of nudity, physical contact, of him sinking his cock inside you, in pretty much any of your holes that would do. Crosshair blinks a few times, trying to collect himself. "Well, you can help me now, but on your terms. I can't force you to do anything, that was important to me. Hence, the shackles. It was clear to both of us long ago that I still need your help now. Unless you want me to die, or my mind to turn in to a vegetable" Heat rises in your cheeks. You've imagined being with him so many times, but not like this.

He laughs softly as a drop of sweat rolls off his forehead. "Now you can live out some of the fantasies you love to write about. Honestly, I always knew you had a naughty spirit in you" The thought, the question of how much he has really read of your stories and perhaps even diary entries that are on the same data pad, comes to mind. You swallow and look at him, chained there. Your gaze does wander down to the enormous bulge in his blacks. You hear him purr, "Okay kitten, your attention is already going in the right direction" He strains against his restraints, automatically wanting to reach for you, but to no avail. A small frustrated growl comes out of his throat as he realizes once again that he is not able to touch you right now. No matter what you do now, no matter what you're both about to do, this isn't going to be romantic, nothing loving, that much you both realize. But contrary to your expectations, the thought doesn't repel you, actually, there's something appealingly wicked about it. As you sink to your knees in front of him, a shiver runs through his body in aroused anticipation. He can barely move, only his pelvis has a little room to move forward, and he stretches out towards you in invitation. "Be a good girl, help me"

You look up at him uncertainly, in his gaze you not only find confirmation of what you are about to do, it is a feverishly hot gaze, full of expectation and challenge with which Crosshair looks down at you. You reach for the waistband of his Blacks' pants and slowly pull them down. As the fabric brushes over his skin, over his hard cock as you free it, he trembles excitedly. It stands right in front of your face, thick, veiny, with a slightly reddened, swollen tip. His testicles are bulging. His cock twitches with every breath you take, because he can feel every waft of air. "Do it," he demands in a smoky voice, his eyes glazed over with desire, "suck me good" You wonder how he would talk to you at a moment like this if he wasn't under the influence of the pollen, but only for a second. You've always been curious about a sexual encounter with Crosshair, and his cock looks gorgeous. Your hand reaches for it automatically, and you're almost shocked at how red-hot it feels. His temperature is rising, no time to hesitate. Your tongue twitches over his velvety, swollen tip, catching a salty drop of pre-cum. "Fuck," Crosshair growls, his pelvis twitching, "come on, kitten, it's getting unbearably hot under my skin"

You don't think about it for long. Your lips open, your tongue outstretched, pressed against the underside of his cock, you take him into your mouth. Your head moves back and forth, bobbing back and forth with his cock between your lips. At first, you're so far back that, despite his relative freedom of movement with his pelvis, he has no control over how deep he penetrates your mouth. But it feels surprisingly wonderful, the sounds he makes, moaning, growling, whimpering. You can feel your panties getting wet and a tingling sensation between your thighs. Your pearl swells, pulsating gently at first, but demanding, longing to be touched, stimulated. On impulse, you move closer, giving him more room to move. As soon as he realizes that he can penetrate deeper on his own, he greedily pushes his cock deeper into your mouth, down your throat, almost to the hilt. Your eyes immediately start to water, but you don't pull back, you let him have his way with your mouth. He pulls his pelvis back and forth, thrusting deep again and again until your face is wet with tears and saliva drips from your chin because you can't swallow everything around his thick cock. Crosshair stares down at you, his gaze full of fire, glassy and dark.

He gasps excitedly, "I knew there was a dirty thing somewhere inside you, look at you eagerly sucking my cock. I wish I could record this, so I could watch it over and over again, how perfect this image looks" You don't have the time or the opportunity to object, nor do you want to. Your hand automatically slips into your pants and under the fabric of your panties. You can feel the heat emanating from your pubic area on your fingertips even before you touch your clit. There it is, finally, the touch, a shiver runs through your body. The touch your pearl has been longing for. Your fingertips glide over the sensitive bundle of nerves, faster and faster, as Crosshair's cock pushes up to the gag reflex again and again. You keep sucking at him, almost hungrily, like there is no tomorrow. Crosshair fucks your mouth restlessly, his pelvis shaking with every thrust, his arms tugging at the handcuffs again and again. Then he sees your hand in your pants, something about the sight pulls him over the edge, with a low growl, he spurts his load down your throat. You swallow hastily as he leaves your mouth and take a deep breath.

"A good little dirty thing you are. Look at you, not only did you suck my cock like an addict, you touched yourself" His gaze is still glassy, feverish, full of heat, a dangerous, knowing grin on his face. "Untie me, kitten, and I'll give you what your little pussy needs," he coos. His words roll over your skin and down into your pussy, where they trigger a pulsing, demanding twitch. Contrary to any fear or uncertainty about his condition, you cut the cable ties on his ankles. Then you grab the key for the handcuffs, you hesitate only briefly, barely noticeably, but then you unlock the handcuffs. You don't even have time to be surprised. Crosshair immediately peels you out of your clothes, partially tearing them as he loses his patience. He pushes you towards the bunk in front of you until you automatically climb onto it on all fours to avoid falling over. "That's it, keep sticking your gorgeous ass up, show me your little pussy," he growls in a smoky voice.

With the flat of his hand, he gives you a gentle pat between your legs. "There it is," he coos contentedly, "soft, warm and wet" One of his fingers slides along your velvety folds to your heated opening and sinks greedily inside. You moan as he sinks a second finger between your slick walls. "You're hungry for my cock, aren't you?" You moan a yes as you thrust your buttocks towards him. All you hear from him in response is a growl. You feel him pull his fingers from you and as you look over your shoulder, you see him licking your juices from his knuckles. "Actually, I'd love to lick your little honey pot, but I just can't wait, I can't," Crosshair says a little breathlessly as he parts your wet folds with his tip and with a smooth thrust fills your pussy to the brim with his cock. The sensation is intense, his hard, thick length filling you up, stretching your wet hole.

His fingers claw into your hips, not exactly gently, as he begins to move, pulling his pelvis back only to thrust into you again. He moans and curses, the feel of your wet heat enveloping him so incredibly intense, his cock so incredibly, unusually sensitive. His grip, his nails, are sure to leave a mark, but you're far too horny to mind. His thrusts are short, he never pulls far out of you, but he thrusts into you quickly, panting, clutching at you. His pelvis slaps your backside again and again, the sound fills the room, accompanied by moans, growls, whimpers. Crosshair doesn't feel like his temperature is dropping, he's more in control than he expected, but his hunger hasn't abated one bit. He growls, gives you a slap on the ass and murmurs, "You like that, you've always wanted my cock inside you" You are so lost in your excitement that at first you don't even realize what he is saying. When you don't answer immediately, he grabs your neck and pulls you towards him so that the back of your head is against his shoulder.

"Say it!" he growls, his hand still on your neck. Crosshair doesn't really squeeze, just applies enough pressure to make it clear that he wants your attention. "What?" you ask hoarsely, the feeling of his cock thrusting into you again and again taking over your entire mind. "You've always wanted my cock inside you. Say it! I want to hear it," he moans urgently. You gasp. "Fuck. Yes, I've always wanted your cock inside me, deep inside me," you croak, moaning. You yelp as he gives you a particularly hard, deep thrust and pauses in this position for a few seconds. His thighs tremble for a moment, a half-suppressed moan comes from his throat, then you feel his semen shoot into you. You're both breathing heavily, Crosshair growls softly. "Still feverish, still hard, I guess I'll have to make your wet dreams come true a little longer"

He pushes you off him, onto the bunk you're kneeling on, and turns you around, gripping your hips. Crosshair grabs the back of your knees to hold your legs up and apart. The next second, he's thrusting his cock into you again, accompanied by the dirty, wet sound his hard length makes in your pussy filled with your juices and his seed. Each thrust makes that lewd, wet sound, you feel his seed and your juices partially dripping out of you, onto your buns and onto the sheet beneath you. After all, you're in your own bunk. But this fact startles you all the more as Crosshair reaches purposefully to his right and pulls open a small drawer. He pulls out a small object and grins with satisfaction. "I knew you had toys here, I heard them vibrating under your blanket the other night" He moves his cock slowly inside you as he looks at the toy, and the heat of shame rises in your face. "What exactly does that thing do?" he wants to know, his gaze fascinated but still feverish, glassy. You swallow and say meekly, "It sucks the clitoris into this little opening and vibrates as it does so"

He raises his eyebrows and looks past the toy at you. "Is that good?" "My favorite toy," you say, still meekly. He looks down, positions the toy so that it can suck your clit perfectly and turns it on, turning the power up quite high. The toy sucks in your clit and vibrates on the sensitive bundle of nerves, immediately sending a pulse through your whole body. You let out a startled squeak. In combination with his thick cock inside you, the additional stimulation from the toy is very intense. Your hands claw into the mattress and sheets as he starts to thrust into you again. "Fuuuuck," you moan out. Crosshair takes you again faster, harder and growls, "That's more like it"

Your mind dissolves into nothing, the thought of how he sees you right now, that he knows about the toy, that he knows you've been secretly masturbating here under the covers, all swept away in one swoop. The stimulation is too intense, your whole body vibrates, trembles, tenses with arousal. "You're close," he moans, realizing, "I can feel your sweet pussy contracting" The stimulation, his words, the sound of his voice, all at once your climax washes you over the edge, and you fall into a pulsating tangle of over-stimulation. Automatically, you want to reach for the toy to remove it, but Crosshair's hands shoot forward, grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head. "Fuck! Crosshair, that's too much, the toy!" you gasp breathlessly, twitching and writhing, the sensation far too intense.

He pushes himself deeper into your lap, takes you faster, with shorter, firmer thrusts. He stares at you, something about the way you squirm and twitch, the thought that you are helplessly at the mercy of this over-stimulation turns him on. It doesn't take long, his thrusts become irregular, his lap trembles between your twitching thighs, and he cums inside you again. You're still whimpering and squirming, finally he lets go of you, and before you can remove it, Crosshair releases you from the toy. You breathe heavily, sighing with relief. You look up, his gaze no longer glassy and feverish, more scrutinizing, brooding, as you know him to be. "Sorry," he says, shrugging his shoulders, "but it was incredibly hot to have you under me while you were twitching under the over-stimulation, one hell of a turn on." You roll your eyes and sigh, "I'm glad you enjoyed it" "You had your fun too, didn't you?" he growls sarcastically, "Or did you just get me untied to see what would happen?"

You can almost feel an argument brewing, but you don't want to argue, especially not now. You try to distract him. "How are you feeling now? Headache, fever?" Crosshair senses that you're trying to avoid the discussion, but he answers you anyway, "I'm fine, I think, no fever, no headache, no other symptoms either." You nod, climb out of the bunk and say, "Good, I need to use the refresher for a while, I need to clean myself up" But Crosshair blocks your path to the refresher. You hastily grab your bathrobe and put it on as you realize you're both still naked. "You haven't answered me yet," he says stubbornly. "What?" "Whether you had fun"

You clear your throat and say, "I had an orgasm, if that's what you mean" Crosshair frowns. "No, that's not what I meant, at least not exclusively." You lick your lips and avoid his gaze, but he gently but firmly grabs your chin, yet your eyes continue to avoid his. "Kitten? Look at me." His voice sounds so unusually gentle that you automatically look at him. "I just want to be sure that I didn't overstep any boundaries and that you didn't come away unsatisfied, as you know I didn't really have complete control over what happened." You look at him wide-eyed, then feel heat rising in your cheeks as you say meekly, "I had more fun than I want to admit"

A smile creeps onto his face. "I knew that. Good girl. Come on now, let us go wash you" You raise your eyebrows questioningly. "Us?" Crosshair grabs your hand and pulls you into the refresher with him. He winks at you, "We made the mess together, so let's remove it together. Come on, don't act like you don't want to be sponge-washed by me"

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