#and bro the revelations!!!!! so much lore in this one!!!!!!

[capisback]

Very short day today for me but I spent the 2 hours I had reading the last 2 + newest FRNCK volumes so I think it was time well spent

[thatfoxnamedfinley]

Ten Heartbeats...aka The Way of Kings thoughts

Holy fuck my friends

holy FUCK

this is the longest book I've ever read while simultaneously being one of the best books I've ever read

Friends, students, juvenile delinquents. LEND ME YOUR EAR.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT, this is going to be a long one baby LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo

Them: Ok so everyone say their favorite character on three. Okay? One, Two, Three! -

Me: Szeth! Wait...er...I think actually it's Dalinar. Wait...but, Kaladin...er...and Syl too. Well, maybe...Wit...er...possibly Teft? Rock! Er...

Them:

The characters are EXCELLENT. Fascinating. Probably because the world building is so solid that they are able to all stand on their own in their own stories.

I know a big complaint is Shallan's parts in the beginning half (because we're so thirsty for Kaladin and Dalinar's stories) but I still really liked them. I know Capsule isn't the guy's name (spelled Kabsal I think) but I'm calling him Capsule. That's the one part I wasn't a huge fan of only because I'm not a fan of romance in anything I consume. There was a payoff at the end but still.

Now, I DO think that Jasnah CARRIED Shallan's chapters because a lot of what Shallan was trying to do revolved around Jasnah and stealing her Soulcaster and what Jasnah was researching and who Jasnah's father was and how intelligent Jasnah is. I actually found the philosophy of her killing those men in the alleyway to make Shallan more open minded to different ways of thinking to be quite brilliant. I also knew through other avenues of the story (Dalinar's POV) that what Jasnah was researching was major and the lore we would get from Shallan's POV would be invaluable to the world building. ESPECIALLY towards the back half when Shallan was drawing weird things and Capsule made his move to assassinate Jasnah (with bread and jam LMFAO bro)

The scene of Shallan running away from those creatures she was drawing was genuinely frightening, especially when she reached out towards the hand that was near her (in her drawing) and felt something there. I was like

And the soulcasting and that both she and Jasnah can do it without a soulcaster because...??????????? oh dont worry we dont know yet

And wtf is Shadesmar

like WTF is that place? WTF is there? What is it? A different plane? Are spren there? Are voidbringers there? Are not all spren good? Like, I know there are painspren and deathspren and rotspren and the question has continued to be asked if the spren are drawn to things or if they create them. But they seem to have limited intelligence (minus maybe Syl). But there's no reason to believe that maybe there are spren that aren't malicious; we just haven't seen them yet. They're in Shadesmar bitch

(side note, anticipationspren and gloryspren may be my fav, I can imagine them as little sprites with their hands raised in the air, lit af)

OH AND BITCH the revelation of the Parshmen being the VOIDBRINGERS????????????????? BITCH WTF

When it was mentioned the Voidbringers "hummed in song" I was like WAIT A FUCKING SECOND THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY

like WTF IS HAPPENING and when Jasnah was like "girlie, these bitches are ingratiated into every aspect of our society" Shallan and I were BOTH like

Kaladin and Syl. Baby boi and baby girl.

do not TOUCH me when Syl was holding up her little arms in front of the highstorm to try to shield Kaladin from it

When she brought him a leaf to make him feel better

Saying she tripped some men to get back at being mean to Kaladin and she was so proud of herself

At moments she gave Kaladin a reason to live and she was AMAZING. BOIIIIIII when she appeared a full woman next to Kaladin and the look on her face and the echo of his father's words making him go back and save Dalinar. Syl appearing like that honestly carried so much weight, especially when you find out she's an Honorspren. Spirit of oaths. Of promises. And nobility. And all of a sudden that moment and that battle had so much more gravity. I can close my eyes an imagine her hair blowing around her face as she watches Dalinar's banner fight to survive and the moment Kaladin realises he HAS to go help them....

BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

ok wait wait wait my heartrate is increasing let me travel back a little bit

Kaladin and the process of getting his Bridge Four homeboys to trust him was

Rock and Teft are LEGENDS. Rock being the first one to really see Kaladin as a leader was iconic.

I'm listening to the audiobooks (if you are unaware and this is a first book posting of mine you've seen) I'm a REALLY slow reader. I get distracted and I have ADD so I need to be moving and doing other things (even if it's just COLORING while I listen, I can't just sit and read but I'm trying to get better at it), and there's a bookmark+note I left on chapter 21:

"Rock, I fear, may be an actual legend"

I actually ended up liking Teft a little bit more than Rock by the end of the book but Rock being the first one to actually be open and willing to Kaladin's leadership made me really like him immediately.

I liked Teft a lot because he was the one constantly checking up on Kaladin and asking him if he was okay, giving him space when he needed it but still staying close to him and I thought that was really sweet. When you're depressed, sometimes someone just needs to BE there with you and Teft seemed to understand the burden of leadership. And of course it helped that he saw Kaladin glow like a flamespren on steroids after Kaladin survived a highstorm.

All due respect I'm so glad he survived the highstorm cause, *COUGH* prophecy *COUGH*, but Sanderson described him as basically flapping in the wind like a wet sock

I liked when they were doing the assault to save Dalinar (SADEAS YOU FUCKING BASTARD OH I'LL GET TO HIM) and Bridge Four was watching him fight with his spear and they were all watching in awe and the Teft snapped out of it like OUR BRIDGELEADER NEEDS US COME ON MEN

And they all charged I was like

I came around on Moash too eventually XD

Lopen was funny cause he had like 15 cousins that owed him favors and I'm like BRO WHO ARE YOU

Hoid being Sigzil's old master was a pleasant surprise. When he was telling that story to Kaladin by the fire I was like "Wait a minute is he also a Worldsinger?? He knows all this SHIT!" Then when it was revealed I was satisfied. A pleasant tie-in to that character that made the world seem more connected.

My working theory is that spren gave the Radiants their powers and they have to do like an "equal exchange" thing (like Shallan with that voice that wanted something) for their powers to fully manifest. I don't know that you're "BORN" with powers so much as chosen by a specific spren with a specific power. But girl, idk this is just what my brain is thinking after lying in bed with scrap paper like

Dalinar.

Stoic boi. Soft boi. Emotional boi. Pent up boi. Sadeas and Dalinar have this exchange in which he has this to say about Dalinar. From Chapter 26, ahem, let me read it:

"It's odd, how a leader's influence can affect his men," Sadeas said. "So many of these are like smaller versions of you. Bundles of emotion, wrapped up and tied until they become stiff from the pressure. They're so sure in some ways, yet so insecure in others."

[...]

"But don't you ever want to let it out, as you used to? Doesn't it pound on you inside, like someone trapped within a large drum? Beating, banging, trying to claw free?"

"Yes," Dalinar said.

[...]

"And the Thrill, Dalinar. Do you still feel the Thrill?"

*folds sheet of paper away* And not only does this sound like the beginning of a very intense gay fanfic (note that my bookmark note in the audiobook read as follows: Yo Sadeas, this pillow talk is WILD rn bro. "Do you still feel the Thrill?" BRO WE'RE ON A HUNT FOR A CHASMFIEND RN THIS IS *NOT* THE TIME MY GUY), but Navani echoes something similar later. Dalinar does too when they finally accept their feelings for each other. He says he HAS to live for something or else he spirals out of control. The Codes, Gavilar, the book. If he gives himself any "leeway on the leash" then he rages. I found that to be ever present in his character, always having to calm himself down and ESSENTIALLY do breathing exercises when people pissed him tf off.

I found Dalinar's POV quite captivating. A warlord, a feared warlord, who has visions of...crazy shit during these highstorms and really goes through this internal conflict of if he is mad or not and if he should abdicate to his son. His boon and curse are unknown to us from the NightWatcher (although alluding maybe his curse has to do with his wife as he doesn't even remember her name).

During the battle at the end with the Parshendi when Sadeas abandons him I had several thoughts and feelings during this

1.) Kaladin choosing to go save him was fucking EPIC. When Dalinar sees them charging back to them, a single lone bridge crew...using THAT as a hope and fighting through the army....GOOSEBUMPS BRO

2.) I think that Parshendi that said he had "finally found" Dalinar after searching for him was Odium. I really think this. The odd respectful saluting towards Dalinar...it was all so odd but it makes me feel what I felt since we saw his very first highstorm vision. Dalinar is chosen. A lot of our MCs are. For what, I don't know. But they're chosen for this Everstorm coming.

3.) SADEAS. You insidious POS. From Dalinar's POV, it was written so well that I actually thought Sadeas was an ally. Maybe I'm a dumb mother fucker. I did NOT anticipate Sadeas betraying him. I really didn't. It's a trope and I should of seen that shit from a mile away but I didn't.

4.) It's actually heatwarming how much Adolin loves his father. during his brief POV's he thinks about him a lot in a very loving manner and it's actually lovely to see that the relationships he has with his two sons are HEALTHY. In Chapter 12, Adolin states the reason he fights is that he can never forgive the Parshendi for bringing his father so much pain after the assassination of his brother. That's like...super sweet! He even states in the same chapter that he thinks his father is the greatest man alive. Seeing a loving, healthy dynamic between a father and his son was actually super, super special and unexpected. He still had moments where he challenged his father and Dalinar LETS him but he spends a lot of his time trying to understand his father's thoughts and I can't WAIT to see more of this dynamic as well as more of Adolin and Renarin (I have a feeling this dude will be a dark horse later) in later books.

World building is great. I literally felt like I was dropped into this world with no explanations, expected to figure everything out. While there are frustrations in that maybe, I really liked it. It took me about a week to work through this book (I read along with the audiobook, like someone was reading to me at night) and many a night was I awake til like 4am listening and thinking about it. In my bed all curled up, listening and imagining the world. Giggling sometimes, gasping. Clapping vigorously. I almost cried once.

THIS is how stories should be felt. Like I'm by a fire, wrapped up in a blanket given to me from another world, lost in the stories of the stars when I look up. One of the best experiences I've had with a book and I'm truly looking forward to the next book.

Until next time *salutes*

side thoughts pulled from audiobook bookmarked notes:

Dalinar giving up his Shardblade for Bridge Four and all of the bridgeman was kinda hot, ngl

Syl may be a GOAT

"Brightlord Sadeas," Wit said, taking a sip of wine. "I'm terribly sorry to see you here." LMFAOO WHAT A CUNTY ICON i love Wit

wait if men don't write how does Szeth know how wtf (Szeth is an actual baby angel and he may be the side character I want to know the most about. Super super interesting)

Teft kinda clutch

"What is that?" Gaz said, pointing. "Bridge Crew. Carrying what I believe is...yes, it's a bridge." Kaladin is lowkey a comedian

wait where tf did Gaz go later on

Bridge Four nodding knowingly when they see Kaladin talking to air LMFAOOOO I fear this bridge crew is iconic

[majachee]

HIIII ok so I have a question about the power ranger TD au!!

Are there gonna be any ships? (I’m mostly interested in Noah ships (totally not my favorite character)) likeee is there gonna be Noco? Nowen? Is duncey gonna be canon?

(Also is Gwen gonna show up? IF SOO will there be gwourtney or gwent instead? Is the Duncan, Courtney and Gwen triangle gonna come?)

ALSO I CANT WAIT UNTIL THE DRAMA BROTHERS SHOW UP GANSNKSBAKAKAAH

ok that was all thank you very much good person 🫡

CRAWFISH SPOTTED YEAHEAHHHHHHHH

As for relationships... 😈

Since this is a self-indulgent AU made primarily for enjoyment, I'm pretty lenient when it comes to romantic pairings! If someone suggests a ship and I feel fine towards it, I'll give them some crumbs to work with lmao

Focusing on the pairings you brought up, though...

Noah - I headcanon Noah as being on the aroace spectrum, meaning he rarely feels attraction towards others. This identity is brought up several times in the AU, though not exactly by name (I don't think Noah would use specific labels, tbh)...

HOWEVER, he is not immune to the ship-bait crumbs! Noah and Owen are close in this AU, and can be read as romantic or queerplatonic. Nowen is explicitly canon in this AU, and most TD related things I'll write or draw! But, whether they're romantic or queerplatonic is up to the readers, I've decided. I love both interpretations equally, and I love Nowen because of how both interpretations work almost perfectly!

As for NoCo... I have mixed feelings towards this ship, but that's usually because nobody ever interprets it the way I interpret it: and that's Cody fucking sucks /aff /derogatory.

He had a weird one-sided situationship with Noah for 3 days in October of freshman year, said something FOUL and KINDA CRINGE about rizz and women, and Noah just got up and left. No hesitation.

Let Cody be a loser... genuinely. He gets mauled by a bear at least once. Other than that, no hints of NoCo in the main plot. Cody's out there freakin it loser style, and Noah is gay married to Owen in every universe.

Now for the questions about Gwen and Courtney - No for the love triangle, I felt that entire thing ruined all three characters. Like, Duncanis suppose to be a "punk with a heart of gold" and yet he's down to cheat??? Gwen, the anxious yet very progressive goth who's like... genuinely nice??? And bro what'd Courtney do to deserve that??? ... She did help carry WT tho

As for Duncey and Gwent? I'm on the fence. I don't think Duncan and Courtney are good for eachother. And Gwent was really cute in season 1, but the way they handled Trent's breakdown in Action just felt... off. I think I prefer both of them being single, unfortunately. Might have Trent and Gwen be exes on really good terms though? For world building and lore? Because both characters are revelant to the plot due to their connections with Courtney, Duncan, and Harold (primarily Trent for that last one but yk)

Qwourtney is a maybe, I did promise some Heather/Courtney crumbs for an anon so I'm down for that lmao

Honestly, if you wanna write or draw ship art for this AU, even if ifs not explicitly "canon" then go for it. I'd love to see it! This is a self-indulgent AU, and I'm chill w/ letting you guys get self-indulgent with my self-indulgent AU lmaoooooo

And to finish this off...

I'M GONNA USE THE DRAMA BROTHERS AS AN EXCUSE TO REFERENCE BUFFY, LET ME TELL YOU... DUDE. THE SCENES AT THE BRONZE AND THE COLLEGE HOUSE PARTIES WHERE INDIE/ROCK BANDS ARE PLAYING LIVE AND SMTH INSANE HAPPENS... CHANGED ME FUNDAMENTALLY. Omg i love buffy the vampire slayer hashtag feminism

[the-vibes-are-off]

The Stormlight Archive Volume 1: The Way of Kings’ Review: Chapters 16-19

link to contents page - https://at.tumblr.com/the-vibes-are-off/hey-hey/96xd9ohihrzs

FINALLY I woke up this morning with some semblance to get out of bed before 8am and actually make the most out of my day. Essays are going hella slow and I honestly think the weight of dealing with them is just draining me hard, I cannot wait to get them tf out of the way; not to mention I’ve just spent £70 on Shakespeare for the coming semester :’) yay so excited for them to arrive today ;-;. 

Unfortunately, as the next semester approaches I imagine the frequency of these posts will decline as I’ll have to reduce my TWOK reading to 1 chapter a day at most in order to fit in all my uni reading. Which I am so gutted about because honestly I have enjoyed reading this chunk so much and the thought of having to slow down makes me so sad :(((.

Spoiler Free Zone:

This section does so much in the way of widening the scope to fill out the history of the plot and I’m living for it. Seeing more about Kaladin’s history AND like fckn ancient history as well???? I am so in.

I feel like this section has really got me into the swing of things more. With TWOK largely lying outside of the genre I normally read and not having the motivation of reading it like out of necessity for my degree, I was worried that I’d lose motivation but this section has really solidified my interest to the fullest !!

*** SPOILERS AHEAD***

Spoiler Zone: 

I have loved finding out more about Kal in the flashback sections and this has not changed. 1. Ofc Mr. Edgy Boy is a simp and fought to impress a girl just ofc 2. and on top of that, ofc he’s secretly soft round the edges, especially for his brother. The bit when Tien gives him a sick rock ??? Bye I would smile too what a cute interaction. Bit of a RIP that he then like immediately got into a fight, over some juicy Shardblade lore nonetheless? Brando feeding us fr. 

I love that he has Kaladin also thinking what everyone else is thinking in observing Sadeas as a pompous ass xD. It read so similar to what I love about some of my fave English Lit books in the critique of the upper classes and I will forever appreciate it (fuck the tories :p).

Then again tho, as ever, Brando refuses Kaladin a break and has his men dropping like flies bro. Ik he was trained as a surgeon but mf is not a miracle worker cut him some slack. 

Then onto the Kholins and my goodness these have to have been my fave chapters so far. Starting off with the slightly less preferred, but still great, chapter of family revelations like Dalinar not remembering his wife and Renarin’s feelings of inadequacy. My little heart breaks for them :((

BUT THE VISION CHAPTER?????????? Oh my goodness I loved this chapter so much I lit had the whole chapter tabbed as a love this fro the start bc I just knew it was gonna slap so hard. You’re telling me, all in one chapter, I have been given an epic fight with shadow creatures, WITH some of the knights radiant, AND one of them is a woman, all wrapped up in sick fucking lore in a vision of the past brought on by a storm that ends in a mystical voice giving vague advice. Jesus take the wheel.

Tab Count:

Cute <3 - 1

Fights - 3

Sad ;-; - 2

Death - 2

Cool - 1

Wtf wow - 1

Wtf Why - 0

Slay Quotes - 2

Love this! - 2

Hate this >:( - 0

Lore - 3

Tab Total:

Cute <3 - 8

Fights - 8

Sad ;-; - 4

Death - 4

Cool - 6

Wtf wow - 3

Wtf Why - 3

Slay Quotes - 10

Love this! - 10

Hate this >:( - 3

Lore - 5

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #639

Top Ten Stories for a New Lord of the Rings Movie

Sometimes timing can work with you and against you.

A few weeks ago, we were shocked – shocked, I say – at the revelation that Warner Bros wanted to get back in the Lord of the Rings business. Okay, well, not that shocked; after all, money can be exchanged for goods and services. But what was interesting about this particular announcement is that the films were, essentially, going to be part of the “cinematic universe” established by Peter Jackson’s initial trilogy twenty years ago; that these films were being designed to be of a piece with the six films Jackson directed. What’s more, key creatives were coming back; the whole endeavour was overseen – and, indeed, produced – by Jackson himself, and writers Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens were crafting the scripts. Although The Hobbit films may have been a mixed bag, this was still exciting news for Tolkien fans. That the first of these films was going to be directed by, and star, Andy Serkis – returning once more to the role of Gollum – was flabbergasting in the extreme.

Anyway, I decided I wanted to write about it, but I had a bunch of other lists I had to do, so it got pushed back till now.

And so, the other night, I was compiling my list, when lo and behold the story dropped that Rory Kinnear would be playing Tom Bombadil in the second season of The Rings of Power – Amazon’s odd, continuity-adjacent, occasionally great, often meandering retelling of Middle-earth’s second age. The show – seemingly cobbled together from bits of the appendices to Rings – fluctuated wildly in its first season, and was often a bit of a drag. But the inclusion of Bombadil is really interesting; it doesn’t make much sense from a timeline perspective, but then the show seems to have jettisoned canon altogether, so let’s just run with it.

But Bombadil was going to be on this list, dangnabbit. So then I had to do a rethink.

Because what I’m writing about this week is other possible stories drawn from the world of The Lord of the Rings, that could serve as the basis for Jackson and co’s next foray to Middle-earth. Because the film The Hunt for Gollum is doing just that: finding a tiny space within the narrative, using a story beat outlined by Tolkien, to craft a new tale. So here I’ve found ten other story ideas, ten other moments, ten other snippets of lore, that I think could be adapted into a one-off, very interesting movie. These are little moments – battles, feuds, last stands, momentous occurrences, tragedies, romances, whatever – that could be cinematic in scope, could command our attention. And, crucially, they’re all to be found in the appendices of The Lord of the Rings; because, as I understand it, Warner Bros only has the rights to make movies out of that book (and The Hobbit). They can’t, I believe, touch The Silmarillion or the other various adjacent works that Christopher Tolkien has adapted, edited, and released since his father’s death. That means, tragically, that we can’t tell the story of Morgoth and Ungoliant stealing the light from the trees of Valinor, and how Ungoliant then tried to eat Morgoth, and he had to be rescued by his army of Balrogs. Come on: Sauron’s old boss, the evilest of evils, being cornered by a giant spider from beyond the boundaries of time and space? Don’t act like that’s not badass.

Anyway, here are the ideas I’ve got, on the assumption that Sir Pete is reading (which he probably is). As well as staying within the boundaries of the book, I’ve also tried not to step on the toes of anything recounted already in the movies (although there is a bit of crossover, I guess), or retell the stuff that’s being covered by the Rings of Power show. I almost succeed – as you will see.

I’m sorry that there aren’t any ageless kaiju spiders who devour light.

The War of Dwarves and Orcs: this was sort of touched upon in the Hobbit movies, so it would require – I think – I bit of ignoring/recasting (like they did with the Ian Holm Bilbo flashback in The Fellowship of the Ring, I guess). But after Smaug conquers Erebor, the Dwarves attempt to take back Moria, leading (long story short) to a huge war. The tragic beginnings could lead us to an apocalyptic climax (The Battle of Azanulbizar, in fact!), with many main characters heroically perishing and others stepping up to the plate, and although (spoiler!) the good guys win, it’s a pyrrhic victory, and even sets up events in the original LOTR trilogy. Also: Dwarves!

The Quest for Moria: back to the Dwarves (I love them so) and back to Moria, this one is (essentially) a long-gestating sequel to the first idea, as Balin (from off of The Hobbit, so maybe you could even get Ken Slott back if he’s up for it and not too old) leads a company of Dwarves to re-establish the colony at Moria, assuming the Orcs have gone. This could almost be a horror movie as the Dwarves realise they’re not alone down there. It's a bit of a bummer ending, as they’re all killed by Orcs and (yes) the Balrog. But it could be a tense, terrifying alternate look at life in Middle-earth.

The Ballad of Bullroarer Took: Bandobras “Bullroarer” Took was, at four foot five, the tallest Hobbit on record, and (by Hobbit standards) something of an adventurer. This film would be about how his wild ways provoked disapproval among the Shirefolk, whilst in the background the Rangers attempted to stave off a Goblin attack. Culminating in the Battle of Greenfields, we’d have a full-on invasion of the Shire, with Bullroarer riding a horse and inventing golf. It could be a cool slice of Hobbit life, conflicting the pastoral with the violent, and show us a different side to Hobbits.

War of the Witch-King: there are several stories you could tell about the several-hundred-years-long series of wars the Witch-King of Angmar inflicted on Gondor, Arnor, and their people. I think focusing on the “last” battle would tie into the other movies better; the Witch-King would initially conquer Arnor, before a coalition of men and elves (and even hobbits!) would form to fight back. This would allow us to finally see Glorfindel, a major character in the book cut from the movies, who gives us the prophecy about the Witch-King not being killed by “a man”; and also has the baddie finally flying away to Minas Morgul, where is in LOTR. Regardless, it’d be a human-centred war story.

The Battle of Dale: back to Dain Ironfoot, one of my favourite minor Tolkien characters, who was a hero in the War of the Dwarves and Orcs (and is played by Billy Connolly in The Hobbit). This is quite an interesting battle, as it ties directly into The Lord of the Rings; in fact, it’s happening at the same time as The Return of the King, but it’s in the locations we see in The Hobbit. King Brand (the grandson of Luke Evans’ character Bard) and Dain make a futile last stand against the Orcs in front of the Lonely Mountain; both of them die tragic, heroic deaths, but then Frodo destroys the ring, the Orcs lose heart, and their sons ride out to claim victory. A sad war movie with a happy ending, I guess.

The Journey of Aragorn: moving slightly away from just “war movies”, this would focus on a young Aragorn (you’d need to recast Viggo Mortensen, but I have a feeling they’re going to do that anyway for The Hunt for Gollum; after all, he’d be 25 years older by the time they film it). He lives in Rivendell until he learns of his ancestry and destiny, after which he embarks on a very long hero’s journey, including going to Gondor under an alias and fighting alongside a young Denethor (the Steward played by John Noble in Return of the King). This film would show Aragorn’s growing acceptance of his legacy, until at the end he joins the Dunedain Rangers and heads off once more.

Oath of Rohan: I’ve tried not to paddle in the same water as War of the Rohirrim, because, well, they’ve done it haven’t they? So we’ll get to see Helm Hammerhand before the year’s out. But I love Rohan, those freaky Celtic-adjacent horse-lords. The founding of Rohan could be an interesting film, as a disparate group of riders comes to the aid of the Steward of Gondor, fighting off a bunch of Bad Men, and being rewarded with land as a result. You’ve got some good, earthy characterisation, some nice battle scenes, and a big Star Wars-esque “Peace!” moment at the end as Steward Cirion and King Eorl swear and oath together.

The Founding of the Shire: this one maybe would deviate the most from lore, in terms of creating extra drama. But I do love the Hobbits and tales around them, so showing how brothers Marcho and Blanco lead a group of Harfoots from Bree into the Shire would allow us a nice insight on Hobbit life. Relatively comfortable with what they have in Bree, many wouldn’t want the risk of a journey and fresh start, even if it gave them their own land, and even if the King said it was okay; perhaps they face hardship, environmental hazards, and maybe even some baddies. But they find their perfect home in the end.

The Last Ride of Merry and Pippin: one way to tell a new film would be to just carry on the story from the last film. There’s not really a ton of actual drama (Aragorn has a few more fights, I guess), but we could get a lot of melancholy in Merry and Pippin riding to both Rohan and then Gondor at the end of their lives, most of their friends having predeceased them (or, rather, sailed off to the West). You’d get this nice sense of love as older men reflected on their own youth and the world their children have inherited, and the fact that these two friends adored each other. And I don’t think you’d need to do much to age up the actors; by the time they’d film a movie like this, Billy Boyd would be within ten years of Ian Holm’s age when he played Bilbo.

The Rings of Power: okay, so the oliphaunt in the room is obviously The Rings of Power, which I’ve said I won’t go near. But there are so many cool stories in that period that you could tell! The capture of Sauron! The fall of Numenor! The forging of the rings! You could even skip forward a couple of thousand years and show the arrival of the Istari in Middle-earth! It’s frustrating that the way they’re telling these tales in the TV show isn’t in accordance with the book, which would be fair enough, except I think that they’re doing it in a slightly less interesting way. But all the same, we can’t expect a movie to follow in their footsteps (just as we sadly aren’t going to get a Tom Bombadil solo movie). Alas and alack!

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: The Boss Baby

(I could not for the life of me find actual promo art for this stupid fucking movie anyway). Boss Baby is bad. Wow, Jen, what a shocking revelation! Who could have guessed? Yeah, I could have. Cause this movie sucks. Let's get into all the many, many reasons why.

Seven year old Tim lives a perfect life with his loving parents, until the arrival of the Boss Baby, who acts like a normal baby around adults, but in reality, he's actually a corperate suit who works for Baby Corp, which is where all babies come from. A rivalry ensues between Tim and the baby, until they're forced to work together to foil a plot to stop puppies from overtaking parents' love for babies. Or something like that, idk this movie's plot is fucking weird.

So yeah, weird ass story that just... has really fucky pacing? Like this movie drags on man, it drags on SO long to the point that I felt like it was never going to end. We get to the climax and there's still like 20 minutes left in the movie??? Bro, stop padding this damn thing out. Nobody wants to sit through this fuckass movie for that long???

Our characters are all pretty lame. Tim is a typical annoying kid with an overactive imagination, there really isn't a lot to him. Boss Baby is as about as annoying as you'd expect a baby playing off white collar worker stereotypes to be. The parents are barely characters, same for Boss Baby's little crew. The villain is also the same old upstaged petty jealous bitch who wants their glory days back. Dreamworks, you just fucking did this trope. In fact their past three movies have had this trope (Dave, Kai, and Chef).

The humor in this is expectedly lame and childish. Because there's such a large focus on babies, you can expect lots of poop and vomit jokes, which I am absolutely not a fan of. When the humor isn't that its just "oh look at this cute baby saying he wants a latte and talking about stocks! Isn't that FUNNY? LAUGH, PLEASE WE"RE BEGGING YOU!" And it's trying so hard, both to be funny and to wring out genuine emotions and I think it almost manages to do the latter near the end, but even then it all comes across as nothing more than pandering and tryhard. Like I already don't like these characters, movie. What makes you think I'm compelled to feel anything about them?

The animation is... oy. A mess? The character designs are just bad, man. They look like something out of a shitty mobile game ad, with those massive uncanny valley eyes that take up half their face. The movie is agressively colorful, and while I praised something like that in Trolls, I can't say the same here. It's just too... hyperactive for me? Like there's lots of imagination sequences sprinkled throughout the film and you can tell they're trying to be stylized ala Kung Fu Panda, but there's always just too much going on on screen and it kind of hurts to look at? Like fuck, movie, calm down. You are way too overstimulating right now and my eyes are starting to goddamn ache just looking at you.

The one thing I didn't hate about this movie I suppose was the music. They could have easily littered the soundtrack with shitty pop songs, but they surprisingly held back. The score is also fairly nice to listen to, should have been in a better movie than goddamn Boss Baby, that's for sure.

There's also the fact that this movie's lore is just... a confusing mess? I get that this is for kids, but like? It takes itself seriously, so why am I still so confused about where babies come from in this universe. Are they concieved through Sex? Or are they made in a factory or something? Like what the fuck am I supposed to think, movie? Make it make fucking sense, please.

So yeah, I didn't like this one. I think Dreamworks was trying to make a kids' movie that could also appeal to adults here, but in the end, they made a movie that appeals to absolutely no one. Sure, I suppose it has its fans, who are likely just dumb kids who are too stupid to know they're being pandered to, but I am certainly not one of them. Fuckass movie, fucking hated it. Get it out of my face. Now.

Overall Rating: 2/10

Verdict: (takes out a gun and cocks it at Boss Baby) You're fired, kiddo

Previous Review (Trolls)

Next Review (Captain Underpants: The Epic First Movie)

[the-biornicles]

yk no i’m ocposting bc this is my blog and they are occupying all of my thinking space amd i’m an evil bitch who hates you

jayden & kyle’s family dynamic is so funny to me. elizabeth was like “my ex husband is a piece of shit but now i have two kids (jayden and jordan)” and mary was like “my husband died so now i have to raise 4 kids on my own (brandon, benjamin, victoria, kyle)” and they decided to collab. but elizabeth arguably got the shorter end of the stick she probably could’ve handled 2 kids as a single mom 😭 finance wpuldn’t be a problem she’s a doctor, and some of her family was willing to help. she was just so ashamed she ending raising them w her friend from high school

but despite being comprised of 2 single mothers and 6 insane chilsren they are such a silly family. like you have mary the mean mom, elizabeth the nice mom. brandon is the very well adjusted and ordinary older brother. benjamin is the guy who tries but fails to be an asshole. jordan is the older sister who cares for others more than she cares about herself. victoria is simply A Little Gal and a little transgender with it. kyle is like if a shy lil guy was bullied in middle school and then tried to be more like benjamin and just ended up being a shy lil guy who is now jacked and looks scary. and jayden is. well. jayden is very autism (affectionate)

kyle and jayden are the only ones who don’t remember their dads at all. kyle would ask his brothers, sister, and mom about him all the time but jayden wouldn’t give a shit and constantly forget that that guy was even there. i mean he’s not even jayden’s bio dad, and definitely not legal or chosen dad, so to them he’s just their mom’s ex husband.

they’re all so close knit but jayden and kyle are the most 🧑‍🤝‍🧑. i mean they’re inseparable as kids and well into adulthood. they clearly didn’t get tired of each other bc they chose to get a place together along w some friends. it’s definitely like ☺️ but also a little bit of oh god i am constantly so afraid for you. that feeling of survival from their school years def affected them still. even if for jayden it didn’t apply for themself, they’re definitely still somewhat protective of kyle

also like cheyenne is the only friend out of them (jayden, kyle, and mitch) who is like well adjusted and capable of handling and loving both themself and the world around her. jayden has a tendency to blame themself, kyle is easily mistrusting of others, and mitch thinks it’s physically impossible for him to be loved. cheyenne is Just Chilling while her friends need therapists

also can we talk about mitch??? bro didn’t know how to make friends for most of his childhood and decided he didn’t care anyway. his peers just didn’t want to hang out so WHATEVER. and when he makes friends w someone as autistic as him but in a different way and he still feels distant from the group he’s like. damn maybe i’m the problem. so when it comes to it he prioritizes himself over the group bc they probably didn’t like him anyway so WHATEVER. and then they’re actually really sad and he’s like oh shit i screwed up damn i am so bad at this. jayden has to drag his ass back in college when he’s like imm so sorry ily guys so much but i screwed up so bad i am telling you you do not want 2 b friends with me

and while mitxh was having angsty high school and kyle as well cheyenne and jayden were literally just enjoying their youth. cheyenne was one of those people who had a high school glow up in terms of self-confidence, she survived the caterpillar goop of middle school. jayden just joins the soccer team and then has a high school romance of sad girl x quiet guy x class clown beginning as a love triangle and ending in polyamory

and then college and then big lore thing oh no!!!! :( fuckibg APOCALYPSE and INTERNAL CONFLICT and now everyone is separated!!!!! jayden gets the systen treatment, cheyenne goes on a quest for vengeance, kyle does some weird anime hero shit, mitch has a revelation, sidney (aforementioned sad girl) gets even sadder, and milo (aforementioned quiet guy) is living in a classic zombie apocalypse type scenario

jayden has a plural and hecomes jesse jayden and hikaru!!!! some omori type shot tbh. jayden is like well see you guys later and goes to bed and dreams that nothing bad ever happened. hikaru is some self-penitent freak who ends up leading a rebellion. jesse is simply pissed at everyone and is only looking out for herself. and when they all learn about each other it’s a constant power struggle since hikaru is like dude we need to do The Right Thing, jesse is like i’m tired of this and i do not want to partake in your hero complex, and jayden is like hey what’s going on. are we going to die

and it’s a little weird bc they probably have some internalized pluralphobia at first since they’re not rly educated on this sort of thing beyond the classic shitty serial killer trope. and the way they are there’s not really a single core, they’re all kinda connected to who they were b4 being plural and all have had times of hosting. so there’s sort of conflict about who’s the “real one.” jayden thinks they’re kind of like invaders in their body who just took control of their life (since their memory is just preplural times), hikaru thinks they’re like impulsive/irrational thoughts, and jesse thinks they’re naive or childish thoughts. so no one is taking each other seriously n it sucks a lot at first!!!

and then cheyenne is js. upset that everything has happened so this turns into anger that she then directs through politics and ends up committing mass murder and leading a wannabe oppressive regime

i’m sooooo sleepy i shalt continue infodumping in the morn if i rember (it is 1am) (i think i am 80% incoherent) (idc this is my blog)

[fandomdreaming]

The Owl House & Hunter

Only two episodes in and there is so much to talk about! Season 2b is so lore heavy already, and a lot of this lore seems to be relating to Hunter. I’ve been wanting to compile all the lore hints and try to make sense of all of it.

First I want to start with the Clawthorne family and their ties to Hunter. Personally I only see most of this as possible foreshadowing, and not a sign that Hunter has more of a connection to the Clawthorne family. I know the theory that he might actually be related to them was pretty popular when he was first introduced, but I could never really see it. Now with that cleared up let’s first look at Dell Clawthorne and his palisman.

So as we see below not only does Dell have a very similar palisman to Hunter, there is also more scar imagery. Many people had already pointed out the connection between Lil’ Rascal's scar and the paint over Hunter’s eye. Now there’s more imagery with Dell. The similarities between the palismen and the placement of the scar seem to add to a possible fate for Hunter. This might be a longshot connection or it might be the most obvious connection in the world, either way it’s very interesting that Dell is being used to signify what might happen to Hunter in the future.

There is no doubt some sort of foreshadowing going on with the Clawthorne family and Hunter. Will they come to the rescue at some point? Will they be vital to his story in the future, just like Eda was to Luz? That’s what all of us are hoping for at least. It’s really hard to tell, especially because Hunter is still a morally gray character, and he is still very devoted to Belos and the emperor’s coven. Which brings me to point number 2 of random things I noticed that might not be connected at all but I decided were.

There is something going on with Hunter and his eyes. In last week’s episode, Elsewhere and Elsewhen we see more about Hunter’s possible origins/creation. I am an avid believer in the Grimwalker theory and I have a feeling that any sort of injury that Hunter may end up with might end up revealing that he is a grimwalker. Take, for instance, this awesome new screenshot that gives us so much yet not nearly enough.

This picture has been driving me crazy ever since I really started to look at it. Especially after I realized that Philip has a whole Frankenstein operation going on, but right now that is beside the point. One stand out image in this screenshot is the drawing of the eyes, most likely Hunter’s eyes. I was thinking about everything I could to draw some sort of conclusion to this. There of course is the old saying that the eyes are the windows to the soul so I thought maybe it was something with that, then I realized there was something else. With all the scar imagery and the eye imagery revolving around him, there’s most likely going to be something with the fact he’s possibly a grimwalker. This leads me to think that he’s going to get hurt somehow, maybe by the person that created him, and that’s when he realizes that he’s not a Witch but a Grimwalker. There is no way this revelation isn’t going to be devastating for both Hunter and us as fans.

I’ve also been thinking about Eclipse Lake and the theory circulating that this was Belos’s brother’s grave. First things first that really freaks me out, I mean Hunter was digging right in the center of the lake, above the possible grave of a guy that basically was him if the Grimwalker theory holds any weight. That just gives me shivers. I truly think this might be the other Wittebane’s grave, since Hunter did say it himself and he is most likely the other Wittebane. What I think happened is that Philip went back to where his brother died, took what he needed from his brother and went to bring a form of him back. He brought back his brother, but why? What was his reasoning?

Philip doesn’t seem like the kind of person to cherish anyone. Of course he could have done it just to get his brother back, but I highly doubt it. This man brought his brother back to have control over him. I believe the other Wittebane brother was the more popular brother, at least with those in the human world. Philip is very isolated, even as the emperor, and he likes it that way. No one is around to tell him what to do or to question his authority. He seeks power, that is why he wanted to be emperor, to have something that his brother possibly had. Something that he never had. This also explains the way he treats Hunter. Hunter may be his “nephew” but first and foremost he is a servant. He is expected to do these highly impossible tasks, and then is manipulated to think he has no worth if he fails. Belos/Philip can feign kindness, and maybe because he remembers this is his brother, but he ultimately uses this false kindness as another way to control Hunter. Philip wants control, he wants to be in power and not questioned, he thinks he is entitled to it. This is why he brought back his brother, to treat him like nothing but a servant and have satisfaction in manipulating him.

I really would love to hear any other theories that you may have about Hunter or The Owl House in general. What did you think of the past episode and all the lore? Are you excited for the next episode? I am!

I went a bit off the rails here, but honestly Hunter is my favorite character. I would love to hear other opinions, theories, and perspectives! Byee!

[calaofnoldor]

What’s Mine

Characters: Sam x F!Reader, Dean

Words: 7,595

Summary: The secret you and Sam are hiding from Dean is threatened by your inability to keep your hands off each other.

Warnings: 18+ no actual smut but plenty of implied smut, pre-smut, and smut adjacency lol, secret dating, enemies to lovers, jealousy and possessiveness (exhibited by both sam and reader), slight obsession with sam’s big ass hands (i blame this largely on @walkerboy290​‘s glorious hand porn gif sets), and language

A/N: inspired by and written for @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ bc she’s been bugging me to write smut and using her birthday as a bargaining chip, so i hope you’re happy sai. happy (belated) birthday babe! i suppose in my subconscious need to truly honor you, this became the longest one shot i’ve ever written... that and this is now also a little birthday gesture for the brilliant and beautiful @sams-sass​​ (damn your close birthdays!) even though she never asked for smut (if you hate it, i’ll write you something else!) happy birthday to you too, darling!

also written for @superbadassnatural​‘s 333 badass followers celebration with the prompt “___ and I are together.” “Yeah, right, and I’m Santa.” and @writethelifeyouwant​‘s 300 follower fic challenge with the prompt “All the pretty girls like Samuel” (both prompts are bolded in the fic) i’m sorry i’m so late! congratulations to both of you and thanks for letting me enter your challenges!

[basically i have a lot of people to blame for this disaster 😂]

Square Filled: Secret Dating for @spnfluffbingo​ and Enemies to Lovers for @girl-next-door-writes​ Make Me Feel Bingo

MASTERLIST

The waffles on your plate are surprisingly good for a sketchy, 50’s-themed diner, but unfortunately your attention is elsewhere. In fact, the two distinctly masculine voices behind you have been obnoxiously impairing your ability to savor the buttery, syrup-doused carbs since their owners sat down in the adjoining booth. It’s the topic of their discussion that disturbs you, and nips at your conscience until you realize you can no longer take off without imparting a few words to your oblivious colleagues.

Turning your head subtly to the side, you try to catch a glimpse of the men you’re about to confront in your peripheral vision. From what you can see, they’re both rather burly, a little rough around the edges, and from what you’ve heard, recklessly cocksure. You know the type all too well. Being a lone hunter of the fairer sex for most of your life means you’ve long since learned that the best way to combat their kind is with a steadfast façade of thick skin and unwavering confidence.

So you sigh and put on your best smile before turning around, crossing your forearms along the top of the booth seat, “Listen fellas, I hate to interrupt, but I really wouldn’t bother with the bamboo dagger and Shinto priest if I were you.”

“And who the hell are you?” the one with shorter hair demands. He’s a bit stockier than his companion and has a face that looks like it was designed by Abercrombie and Fitch - well that explains the arrogance.

“I’m the person who’s about to save your asses evidently,” you respond with a smug grin, trying not to let their absurdly good looks deter your act.

Abercrombie’s partner, the Fabio wannabe, releases a quiet scoff, “And how are you gonna do that?” he questions dubiously.

“By letting you in on a little secret…” Throwing him a tight smile, you lean forward and lower your voice, “That ōkami you’re after? It’s not an ōkami, it’s a ghoul.” Sitting back, you await the outrage.

“What?! But that’s not possible, I checked the lore. And it’s obviously got a type.” Fabio’s glossy chestnut locks fall across his delicate features as he shakes his head in disbelief, and you almost snort out loud. How did this amateur expect to hunt with hair like that?

You look him over, taking in the broad shoulders and muscled arms, as well as the obvious height advantage he’s got over Abercrombie even whilst they’re both seated. To be honest, you’re surprised he’s referencing lore at all. Guys his size always assume they can either outman or outgun whatever obstacles cross their path, and they almost never take women like you seriously, despite your ample years of acquired knowledge and invaluable experience. It’s this experience that surmises a bit of antagonism here is inevitable, so you might as well get a head start.

“Yeah well maybe you should check again, big guy,” you glance down at his hands, your first mistake as their sheer size render you speechless and subsequently agitated at yourself for the momentary lapse of visceral lust, but the show must go on, “Make sure those giant, lumbering hands of yours don’t fumble over anything important or you might miss the connection to Isabelle Harding. You see it’s not ‘a type’; it’s revenge.”

“Wh- Bu- I looked through the files. I wouldn’t have missed that,” Fabio insists.

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you type ‘Isabelle Harding’ and ‘1987 school bombing’ into your search bar and see what comes up?” you gesture towards the laptop on their table with a raised brow. Minutes later, both men are dumbfounded by the revelation on the screen, staring between it and you with their mouths agape.  

You chuckle silently at their faces, “Don’t worry, there’s no need to thank me. Although you rookies might wanna go home and let the more experienced hunter finish up here.” As you’re about to bid them farewell, you dip back in to add, “Oh and a word of free advice, maybe don’t discuss supernatural monsters quite so loudly in public spaces next time. It might invite unwanted attention.”

With that, you turn around and slap some cash down next to your unfinished waffles, before grabbing your jacket and strutting out the door.

Sam is left in utter confusion. The sudden animosity you had spouted his way seems completely baseless and unwarranted. Had he somehow offended you? Sam generally considers himself a highly respectful and fairly easy-going guy, not quite as hot-blooded as his brother, and thus not as likely to provoke such antipathy from a complete stranger. To make matters worse, he certainly can’t deny that something about you had registered within his subconscious as inexplicably attractive, despite the way you’d embarrassed him. In his flustered and slightly aroused state, it had been all he could do to remain awestruck in his seat and stare blatantly at your ass as you walked away.

The next time Sam sees you is only twelve hours later and no less humiliating. You’re mid-swing in the killing blow against what you had accurately predicted to be a ghoul as he and Dean tumble in. Despite the low lighting, Sam is once again stupefied by your raging beauty, augmented by the incredible skill you’re displaying in a much more physical sense this time around. Before he can drag his eyes away, there’s a collective shout of “watch out!” and suddenly you’re right in front of him. In a blur of events, you somehow manage to push Sam out of the way and successfully decapitate the unexpected second ghoul that had been sneaking up behind him, with only a slice across the arm to show for it.

“Didn’t I tell you two to go home?” You’re panting from the exertion and Sam’s gaze lands on the neckline of your shirt, skewed from the fight and revealing a good amount of cleavage. He quickly averts his eyes. What is happening? Sam can’t remember the last time anyone had evoked such a staggering reaction from him. He feels as if he’s a mere spectator in his own body.

Across from him, you press your hand against the wound and curse when it comes back covered in blood. At your groan of pain, Sam finally finds his voice again, “Shit. I’m so sorry! I don’t know how I missed that other one. I- that normally doesn’t happen.”

“Yeah, I bet that’s what you say to all the girls, huh?” you reply offhand, still a bit out of breath.

It’s easy for Sam to dismiss your mocking given that he feels terribly guilty for being the cause of your injury. From where he’s standing, the cut looks deep. “Here, at least let me stitch it up for you. It’s too awkward a position for you to do it yourself,” he offers, holding out his ginormous hands to you like he’s waving a white flag.

“I think you’ve done enough damage for one day, haven’t you, big guy? At this point, I’d rather Abercrombie over there be the one behind the needle.”

“Who- what?” are the first words Dean speaks since the action has died down.

You turn to face the shorter guy, “Oh don’t look so surprised. You might as well be the model for a slightly older Ken doll. Are you up for it or not?”

Dean’s mouth hangs open as he tries to determine whether he should feel flattered or insulted.

“Uh- actually, I’m better at stitches than my brother,” Sam butts in.

“With those jumbo, fumbling hands? Yeah, sure you are, big guy,” you decline skeptically.

“It’s Sam,” he states through a clenched jaw.

“OK, Sam. Since I just saved your life, you mind making yourself useful and burning those bodies while your bro puts my arm back together? You know, as a ‘thank you’ perhaps?”

Sam is stunned for the third time that day. No one has ever belittled him (whilst gratuitously attacking his size) insofar without any apparent reason. It seems as though his very existence upsets you and the arbitrariness of your contempt has caused an anger to stir beneath him, but beyond that lies bewilderment and irritation. How had he managed to accomplish two such massive mistakes in front of you in the span of so short a time? Perturbed and bitter, Sam silently sets to work on the bodies.

Meanwhile, you’ve come to a surprising realization as Dean begins to cut the fabric of your flannel away from your damaged arm, the name ‘Sam’ and the words ‘my brother’ resounding in your head, “Wait a second- there’s no way… you’re not… the Winchesters, are you? Sam and… Dean?”

“The one and only, sweetheart.” He sends you a dazzling smile that is as perfect as you’d expect, but within his eyes is an underlying poignancy that you recognize as clear as day: an indication of a traumatic past and a lifetime spent plastering on tough veneers. You notice as well how gentle his touch is and how his stitches are practiced and prudent. Perhaps you had judged him too hastily.

Through an incredulous chuckle, you retort, “Well I can’t say I didn’t expect more from you, but at least this’ll get me a free round of drinks at the hunters’ pub tonight.”

Dean laughs with you before sobering at the thought of how his baby brother must be feeling, “Hey listen, take it easy on Sammy, alright? I don’t know what’s gotten into him today but he’s not usually like this. He’s actually the smart one, believe it or not.”

Scoffing, you can’t help but smile back at Dean and soon find an easy rhythm with the older Winchester, despite your awkward introduction.

From several yards away, however, Sam looks wistfully back to see you smiling lightheartedly at something Dean’s said, the two of you huddled in close proximity as his brother’s hands drift across your bare skin. Something akin to envy bubbles within his chest although he’s aware it makes no sense, so with a frown, Sam does his best to shake it off and get back to work.

But it’s not easy to forget you. And just as Sam is beginning to think he’s rid that awful day from his memory, you pop back into his life three months down the line.

“Well, if it isn’t the overgrown hunter extraordinaire Sammy Winchester.” The sarcasm that oozes from your otherwise beguiling voice has him gritting his teeth in no time.

“It’s Sam.”

“So you here to mess up my hunt again, Sam?”

Although he wishes he could have been the bigger man instead of surrendering to the resentment you roused within him, after a couple repeated hatchet burying attempts fall through, Sam just can’t resist the little game you’ve started.

Over the next few months, you and Dean form a fortuitously close bond and the older Winchester develops a habit of calling you up when faced with a troublesome hunt, and vice versa. Despite Sam’s fabricated displeasure, a show he puts on mostly for Dean (since any other emotion would seem illogical given the way you treat him), Sam is peculiarly and begrudgingly excited to see you every time. But the match never ends. In fact, Sam lets it intensify each time you work together, always astounded by how you manage to get him so worked up.

“I’m telling you, it’s a rugaru!”

“Right, because the last time we listened to you, things worked out so well,” you remark sardonically.

“The lore says-“

“Ooh, quoting the lore again now are we, Mr. Know It All?”

At this point, Sam is about as huffy and puffy as the big bad wolf and if he were a cartoon character, there’d surely be steam erupting from his ears. “Look, Y/N, this isn’t about who knows more or who’s right; this is about saving those people’s lives!”

“You think I don’t know that? Was I not the one who saved your life the first time we met?”

“OK, alright, just shut up you two!” Dean finally shouts above you, “Would it kill you to just get along for two seconds?”

“No,” Sam admits.

“Probably,” you say at the same time, causing Sam to shoot you his overly perfected bitch face.

SIX MONTHS LATER

“What the fuck?!” Dean’s booming voice echoes throughout the bunker and moments later you and Sam come flying into the kitchen to answer his call, guns at the ready.

“What? What is it?” you ask while Sam scans the room.

A whimper is the only the way to describe the sound of Dean’s reply, as he points toward an unseen object on the floor. Edging toward him, you lower your gun in the direction of his finger until you discover the source of Dean’s distress.

With a sigh, you look toward Sam who is also exhaling in relief at the sight of the entity in question. The two of you share a moment of wordless conversation before simultaneously dropping your guns with a conclusive nod.

“Why does this feel like déjà vu?” Dean’s tone is still timid and appalled, and you nearly laugh at the idea of a grown-ass man looking so aghast because of a used condom.

“Because it kinda is…” you supply unhelpfully, earning yourself a small glare from the man beside you.

“Dean,” Sam begins with a deep breath, “There’s something we have to tell you… Y/N and I are together.”

The snort that escapes Dean is full-bodied and borderline psychotic, “Yeah, right, and I’m Santa!”

You wait till his snickering subsides, “No, it- it’s true.” Your voice is hesitant yet hopeful, “We’re not joking. We’ve kinda become… a thing.”

“A thing?”

“Yeah, well you know, I don’t wanna have to put a label on it or-“

“Y/N’s my girlfriend,” Sam declares with conviction as he reaches out to curl his long fingers around your waist and lasso you towards him.

“-Buuuut, that is the one I’d use if anyone asks,” you quickly affirm with a stiff pat to your boyfriend’s abdomen, wincing at the unversed attempt of PDA and missing the dimpled grin that crosses Sam’s amused features.

“Well, I don’t buy it. I don’t believe either of you.” Dean’s sturgeon face comes on strong as he shakes his head and points a challenging finger at you, “Kiss him, right now,” he dares with perked brows.

The eye roll you respond with is so dramatic your entire head moves with it. But then, without a moment of pause, you turn your body into Sam’s, reach up to grab the back of his neck and pull him down for a searing kiss. Now this is something you’re well-versed in. The reunion of your lips starts off relatively slow, but it doesn’t take long to escalate into something more fiery that involves tongue, the eager push and pull movements of your bodies, and Sam’s enormous hands cradling your head.

After a moment of shock, Dean objects, “Alright, alright, I get it! That’s enough of that!”

Unwilling to recede just yet, you linger in the kiss for a little longer, delaying your separation by nibbling down on Sam’s lower lip and tugging gently, only releasing it as you pull away torturously slow. When the two of you finally open your languid eyes, it’s to stare into each other’s dilated pupils and ponder the moment for an indiscernible minute.

“What th- I said, I get it! Now could please stop ogling each other before my lunch comes back out the wrong way?!”

But the way Sam’s smiling at you is addictive and you can’t bring yourself to look away until he forces a break by leaning in to plant a tender kiss upon your forehead before tucking you into his side as he faces his brother again.

Dean’s face is covered by his hand, “I’m gonna need a minute. I just-“ His features leap through a range of expressions as he tries to find the right words, “When the hell did this start anyway? I thought you two couldn’t stand each other?”

“Yeahhh, that was mostly an act. Although we bought it at first too,” you explain with a shrug.

“We weren’t pretending the whole time. It just kind of happened and we didn’t really know how else to act around each other by then,” Sam adds.

“Right, basically it turns out there’s a fine line between love and hate... and that line is hardcore yearning.” Your words bring a chuckle to Sam’s lips but his brother still looks out of sorts.

Shaking his head with closed eyes, Dean sighs, “Alright, can someone just explain to me exactly how this happened, because I’m still not computing here. But spare me the details and try to keep it PG-13,” he emphasizes with adamant hand gestures.

“How do you know it’s not PG-13?” you inquire with a held-back laugh.

“Ha. With the way you two were playing tonsil hockey just now, I can tell you’ve been around the bend way more than I wanna know. My little brother doesn’t kiss like that on the first date.”

It���s impossible to hold back a giggle at the memory of your ‘first date’ and the way Sam had kissed you, “OK well, that would be hard, considering the story involves a lot of sex... You wanna give it a go, big guy?” you pass the ball over to Sam with a quirked brow and lowered voice, to which he responds with narrowed eyes and pursed lips, a little warning glance that you’re well aware means ‘save it for the bedroom’ but you simply smirk up at him.  

‘Big guy’ used to be a term you called Sam in contempt, but when the feelings between you evolved and a sexual relationship developed, it became an innuendo, such that calling him ‘big guy’ in front of Dean or in public almost always results in glorious sex. In fact, sometimes you believe the nickname has held a slightly obscene connotation for you since the beginning.

Afterall, your carnal longing for him has been present from day one, although at the time you had believed it to be purely physical. Sure, you had dreams about having him in various positions in your bed, but you figured those were merely betrayals of your subconscious mind. That was until one day, a heated argument in a rare moment alone had ended up in a violent make out session, after which the two of you had just barely gotten the last of your clothes back on before Dean walked in. One look at your worked up and frenetic states alongside the disordered condition of your surroundings, and he immediately assumed you’d been fighting again (which wasn’t terribly far from the truth), chortling as he asked if you would have killed each other had he returned a bit later.

With a clearing of his throat, Sam begins to recount the tale, “Uh, well it started in that motel in South Carolina, while you were out getting food…”

“Look, all I’m saying is there is no way he’s using the hospital as a dump site! It’s just not feasible!”

With complete disregard for the peace and quiet of the other residents within this thin-walled motel, you and Sam once again find yourselves in a shouting match.

“Oh right, I forgot! You’re Sam Winchester! How could you POSSIBLY be wrong?! Mister ‘look at me, my IQ and LSAT score match my fucking height! Oh and I also happen to have the physique of an Adonis without even owning a gym membership!’” you roar bitterly, gesticulating with your hands to help better communicate your pent-up indignation.

“Right and you’re Y/N Y/L/N, so how could YOU possibly be wrong? Miss ‘look at me, I never went to college but I’m a genius AND I can kick ass! Oh and I also happen to look effortlessly stunning through it all!’” Sam suddenly seems bigger than ever as he towers over you, that panty-soaking deep voice emanating from his diaphragm and infusing itself throughout the entire room until all you can see, hear, and breathe is Sam.

The fury takes over and you don’t notice your feet taking you closer to him, “Oh yeah because you don’t make EVERYTHING you do look so unnecessarily hot and make me wanna rip your clothes off all the damn time!”

“Fuck! And you don’t always drive me crazy when we have these stupid arguments and your chest starts heaving and you look so insanely delectable I just wanna pick you up and fuck you against the closest surface!” By now, the distance between you is essentially nonexistent and your brain is no longer run by reason.

“So why don’t you then?” are your famous last words, prompting Sam to grab you wildly by the back of a thigh, lifting slightly and driving you to climb up him like a spider monkey fleeing from a grounded predator, while his other hand pushes your hair aside to gain better access to your face. Your mouths clash in a fierce battle and before you know it, Sam’s huge hands are cupping your ass as your legs wrap around his waist and you rut into him, hands flying from his shoulders to his hair. Those divine chestnut locks that you’ve always dreamed of running your fingers through. They’re somehow even softer than you imagined and the revelation, in conjunction with the way Sam’s tongue is becoming increasingly aggressive causes a fresh surge of libidinous energy to rocket through you. As a result, you give his silky strands an irresistible tug and drink in the moan he makes, the sinful sound reverberating straight down to your core as you clench around nothing.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sam groans as he grudgingly forces himself to pull back as much as he can, “Are you sure? Is this what you want? Cause I can’t- Y/N I won’t be able to stop myself if we keep going.” His eyes squeeze shut as if the notion of stopping or the act of keeping his lips away from yours is causing him genuine pain, and the entire gesture moves you.

“Fuck, you really are the opposite of everything I thought you would be,” you make a quick mental note to apologize later for your initially presumptuous behavior although you can’t find it within yourself to feel any remorse right now, “Yes, please Sam, fuck me. I want you so bad… I think I have since we met and I saw those gorgeous hands of yours,” you confess, biting your lip lightly.

Sam breathes out a low incredulous laugh, “What, these?” he asks, removing one of the aforementioned hands away from your butt to bring it into your line of vision.

“Yes, fuck they’re so big and beautiful and strong and-“

“Alright, I don’t need to know about your weird hand fetish!” Dean hollers abruptly, rubbing his fingers across his eyes as if he could somehow erase the image of you and his brother together out of his retinas. “OK, but that was like… four months ago. You mean you’ve been sneaking around behind my back this whole time?”

“Well at first we didn’t want to tell you because we weren’t even sure what it was ourselves,” you divulge.

“Yeah, we didn’t want to try to explain something that we didn’t understand yet,” Sam supplements, hoping his brother will understand the motive behind your secrecy.

You nod along, “But then… it got a little harder to hide.”

The apprehension behind Dean’s emerald eyes is unmistakable as he reluctantly inquires, “That’s why this felt like déjà vu?”

It’s with a grimace that you reply, hesitantly, “Remember the time you found those panties in the backseat of the Impala?”

Dean’s eyes grow comically wide and Sam ducks his head in preparation of what’s to come.

“Yeah, there’s a story behind that…”

The click of her heels against the porcelain-tiled foyer irritates you as the three of you stride through her front door. You’re posing as detectives sent to question this overdressed young woman about her late husband, but the moment she lays her eyes on Sam, you reckon she’s forgotten her beloved’s damn name.

“Oh my… lord and savior. Well aren’t you a tall drink of water?” she beholds breathlessly with a seductive bite of her painted ruby lips.

You cough loudly and Dean sniggers, thinking you’re annoyed about Sam getting such commendation and attention during a serious case.

“I know this might be the grief talking, but I would climb you like a tree,” she purrs, sauntering up to Sam with an exaggerated sway of her hips. With her half-lidded doe eyes adorned with dark, fluttery lashes and low, sultry voice, you have to admit she’s quite attractive.

Grinding your teeth as your nails dig into your palms, you glower at the woman unreservedly. She, however, takes no notice, running her hands along Sam’s forearms before gripping at his bicep to lead him toward her living room. “Please, come have a seat, detective. You can ask me whatever you want.” The wink she appends is somehow the final nail in the coffin.

It’s with zero hesitation that you feign the reception of a notification on your phone before declaring, “Oh would you look at that, the uh… Sheriff needs us back at the station, Sam. He says it’s urgent.” You try to keep your tone even, thankful that you all maintained your real first names for these aliases, “Dean, you’re good to conduct this interview on your own, right?” Without waiting for an answer, you trample over to snatch Sam’s other arm and ignoring the horny widow’s gaping mouth, proceed to haul him away.

Dean sends you a strange look but relents, “Uh, yeah I guess, OK.”

As soon as the door closes behind you, your hand shifts down to lace your fingers with Sam’s, marching him towards the Impala with a staunch and mighty purpose. Even Sam’s elongated legs stumble to keep up.

“So uh… when did you give the Sheriff your number?” There’s an edge in his voice that normally disappears when it’s just the two of you.

“Wha- I didn’t. Sam, I just made all that up,” you tell him as you reach the car and open its back door. Pushing Sam inside, you climb in swiftly after him, wasting no time as you straddle his thighs and begin to undress him, only pausing when he looks up at you in adorable, puppy-like confusion.

“Wait, what? Then what are we doing?”

That’s when it finally dawns on you, “Hold on a sec, were you… jealous?” You can’t help but smile, finding it amusing that he’s stewing in his own envy after what you just witnessed.

“No, I just- He was kinda all over you this morning.”

“You mean like the way Mrs. My-Husband-Just-Died-But-I-Wanna-Climb-You-Like-a-Tree was in there?”

“Oh, that’s what this is about?” Sam perks up, the hint of a smug grin ghosting across his lips.

“She was practically holding your hand!”

“That’s what bothered you the most?” He dips his head to catch your eyes and those variegated irises burn into you with an intense, questioning gaze, alight with mischievous curiosity.

“They’re my hands to hold,” you contend with a pout, subconsciously clenching your thighs around his as you seize one of his large hands with two of your much smaller ones, “Just like you’re my tree to climb.”

Sam’s head falls back in bright laughter, “I thought you said they were ‘oversized’ and ‘ungainly’?” he teases, quoting your previous slights.

“You know I only said that cause Dean was there.”

“I’m pretty sure you called them ‘fumbly’ and ‘lumbering’ the first time we met.”

Staring at his fingers as you play with them, you shiver at the memory of how they feel all over you. “That was cause I used to think all hunters with a Y chromosome were cocky, misogynistic assholes who needed to be knocked down a peg or two.”

“But I proved you wrong, right?”

“Fuck yes you did. So, so wrong. And now you’re mine, and I don’t like seeing other people touch what’s mine,” you growl before returning to your earlier task of removing his clothes, pouncing on him when your fingers finally land on bare skin. You kiss him fiercely, swallowing his surprised grunts with glee, and as his hands start travelling from your hips up to your back, holding you tight against him, your lips move down to his pulse point, sucking, licking, and nibbling, “Mine.”

“Fucking Jesus Christ on a cracker! You goddamn rabbits!” Dean squawks in protest as he begins to pace the floor, “Have you no decency?! And in my poor Baby! While I was busy doing all the work, saving lives!”

You roll your eyes at his melodramatics and can feel the tension in Sam’s abdominal muscles as he attempts to restrain his laughter. As if Dean had never taken a break during a case for a stress-relieving quickie before, or hadn’t been at least somewhat grateful to be left alone with a beautiful woman.

His next comment confirms your point, “Although, if I remember correctly that lady was a fox.” After a brief pondering pause and an introspectively appreciative smirk, Dean’s whining resumes, “But seriously! I can’t believe you two! Here I was feeling bad for forcing you to work and live together, hoping you’d eventually learn to get along when this whole time you were shacking up like animals and casually defiling my Baby just because what? Some girl touched Sam’s hand?!”

Feeling emboldened by the catharsis of this long-overdue airing of your dirty laundry, you decide to add to Dean’s exasperation, “Yeah and in the spirit of honesty, that might’ve happened more than once.” Sam tries to hold back his snort as he gives your hip a playful cautionary squeeze while Dean’s feet come to a full stop as he turns to give you a death glare. “Hey, it’s not my fault all the pretty girls like Samuel! And I’m pretty sure we wiped her down after.”

“I don’t even-“ Dean purses his lips and quirks his head with a dynamic expression of unbearable vexation, “You better be getting me pie every day of the week for what you did.“ He takes a deep breath before circling back, “Wait, OK so you’re telling me that a used condom ended up in our kitchen because- what? You two couldn’t keep it in your pants long enough to find a bed? You know what, forget I asked. I don’t wanna know. Did you at least sanitize the place after?? No, of course you didn’t, you left a fucking condom on the floor… I think I’m gonna throw up.”

But you hardly hear Dean’s rambling because you and Sam are far too wrapped up in each other, smiling as you recall the events of that morning.

Your eyes slowly drift open to find the most exalting sight in all the world: Sam Winchester’s sleeping face, blissful and serene. Lifting a hand to gingerly cup his cheek, the corners of your mouth curl up when he leans into your touch. It’s moments like this that make you wish you could wake up next to him every morning.

Only after you’ve traced his every feature and planted a soft kiss where his dimple would be if he were awake and smiling, do you carefully peel yourself from his side, slipping out of his hold as you quietly climb out of bed. Sam rolls over a bit and you freeze with bated breath, watching as his big arm extends out in your direction as if trying to reach for you in his sleep, before stilling again.

Mornings like this are rare and you want him to soak up all the restful sleep he can. Once you’re sure you haven’t woken him, you scan the room for something to cover your naked figure, until your eyes land on the flannel he’d worn the night before. Picking it up, you bring it to your nose and inhale deeply to revel in the residual scent of Sam. Another glimpse at his peaceful, sleeping form has you smiling fondly. God, you are such a goner for that man. It’s becoming hard to reserve your soft looks toward him for private moments alone.

You can barely remember how it happened, but over time, you’d come to learn that Sam is nothing like you originally imagined him to be. He’s kind-hearted and open-minded, the type of soul that can find hope and beauty in even the darkest of places, a far cry from the shallow macho man silhouette you’d expected him to fill. In fact, Sam routinely defies the expectations others have enforced upon him, proving his worth time and time again as he’s persisted through some of what must be the toughest challenges to ever face a single human. Yet through it all, his spirit remains intact, never once yielding to cynicism or resentment or apathy or even the building of walls as you and Dean have resorted to. He is truly the bravest man you know and infinitely more competent than your first fluke of a hunt with him had mistakenly suggested, both in the field and in bed.

Shaking the thoughts from your head, you wrap yourself in plaid and head out the door. Dean never questions your use of Sam’s shirts because ever since Sam firmly insisted on giving you his flannel after your second encounter with them resulted in Dean cutting your own top apart, you’ve grown into a habit of borrowing Sam’s clothes. You always claim they’re more comfortable than your own and Sam’s feigned annoyance over you ‘stealing’ his belongings tides Dean right over.

Half an hour passes before Sam approaches the bunker kitchen to find you with your back towards the entrance, busy prepping breakfast in nothing but his plaid. He pauses in the doorway to stare at you for a minute, licking his lips with an irrepressible smile. For some, this may seem like a stereotypical morning after, but for a couple of hunters, it feels like a dream come true.

After finally returning to the bunker last night following the completion of a series of successful hunts, you’ve got no solid obligations and very little on your to-do lists today, although Sam’s got more than a few ideas about how to pass the time, and a couple more come to mind when you stretch up on your toes to reach for something, causing the hem of his shirt to glide up until its corner reveals just slightest hint of your incredible ass. Sam can’t suppress his little grunt of approval, which catches your attention and makes you turn your head, peering back at him over your shoulder.

You smirk at the blessed view of him standing there in nothing but the pair of thin grey sweatpants you’d bought him a month ago when you discovered the viral online phenomenon, “Hey, big guy. You just gonna stand there and gawk or do you wanna make yourself useful and grab another plate from the top shelf?”

Chuckling at your false animosity, Sam stalks toward you, “Good morning to you too.” One of his vast hands falls upon your hip as he presses the maximum possible length of his body into your back side, while his other hand reaches up over your head to snatch the plate you’d asked for.

“Good morning indeed,” you concur with a silent gasp when you feel the generous bulge in his pants.

“Oh that’s not morning, baby girl,” Sam husks into your ear, “That’s all you.” His powerful arms slink around you and his lips find their way down the side of your neck, lingering in that tender spot just behind your ear whilst you tilt your head and close your eyes, contentedly surrendering yourself to the moment. “I ever tell you how good you look in my shirts?”

Wiggling your butt back to tease him a bit, you’re pleased with the hiss it elicits. “No, but you made it very clear how bad I look in Dean’s,” you counter playfully.

The man behind you scoffs, “I didn’t say you looked bad; you could never look bad. I just… don’t like seeing you wear his clothes.”

“Oh, I know,” you turn around in his arms, “I just don’t understand how Dean doesn’t know yet. I mean, I think you’ve been very obvious.”

“And you haven’t?”

“I’m not the one who leaves hickeys in very visible places all over your body!”

Sam’s eyes glaze over in lust, an idea clearly forming in his head as he glances down at you. “Dean’s a hot-blooded guy; he needs to know you’re off-limits,” he alleges before attacking your throat with his mouth.

“So why don’t we just tell him?”

Without pausing his efforts, Sam reminds you, “Because you said you thought it was kinda hot, all the sneaking around. Mmpf, and because you said you wanted to see how long it would take him to figure it out.”

You nod while running your fingers through his silken strands and leaning back to give him more purchase, “That’s true. But in my defence, we always have this conversation when we’re doing stuff like this and I can’t think straight when your hands and mouth are on me.”

“Kinda like how I can’t think straight when you’re wearing nothing but my shirt?” His kisses travel down from your neck to your collarbone and shoulder as he slides his loosely buttoned flannel off to one side, “Fuck, you’ve got me so hard.”

Without warning, Sam seizes your waist and hoists you into the air as if gravity were an absolute joke, before plopping you down on the edge of the steel counter, his thumbs digging lightly into your ribcage.

“Sam! This is where we eat!” you protest with a laugh.

“Exactly. Which is why I’m gonna devour you here.” He dives back into your neck, continuing his work on a little pink mark that’s already beginning to form.

“Oh fuck… Wait, what if Dean walks in?” It’s through a great struggle that you manage to push him back an inch.

“He’s got a date with the Impala. He’ll be in the garage all day, trust me.” Sam’s gaze sweeps over your body suggestively, “Now are you gonna let me taste what’s mine?”

With an equally lewd survey of his extensive frame, you reply, “As long as you let me impale myself on what’s mine later.”

His eyes darken and the way he’s looking at you like you’re the only person he’s ever wanted ignites a confidence within you, so in a rather swift motion, you grasp him by the shaft through his sweatpants – the delicious groan he emits at your touch is enough to turn your pussy into a slip and slide – and pull him back towards you until the clothed length of him is resting against your folds and your noses brush, while his hands settle naturally on your thighs.

Shivering, your breath stutters and for an instant you can do nothing but bask in the closeness of him. Sam seems to enjoy it too because he closes his eyes as he rests his forehead against yours with an elated sigh. For the second time today, you marvel at his beauty, whispering a string of gasping kisses along his lower eye socket and exquisite cheekbone, simply dying to breathe him in. All of him is so immaculate and sublime. Each time the two of you reconvene, you want to savor every fucking inch of him, but there are a lot of inches, so the task often overwhelms you. Still, you must try. Locking your ankles behind him, you use your legs to pull him even further into you and the friction makes you lose your mind.

“Fuck, baby girl, you keep that up I’ll be making a mess in my pants,” Sam grunts with his lips upon your cheek.

Your breathless laughter fills the air, thinking of the stain you've undoubtedly already left on his charming grey sweatpants. Nimble as he is, Sam takes advantage of your open mouth and plunges his tongue inside. After so much preamble, the kiss is heavy and full of need. When the pressure of his lips pushes your head back, your hands fly to his wrists for the sake of your balance.

From there, they journey upward across his vascular forearms to his bulging triceps, fondling his massive shoulders before sliding along his traps and up the gorgeous length of his perfect neck, until you finally reach the treasure trove of his impeccable locks. You tangle your fingers into the lush mane and yank, gently but zealously, making Sam growl into your mouth. His voice is the hottest thing you’ve ever heard and the sounds he makes always drive you insane.

Never breaking the kiss, Sam’s colossal moose paws roam up to your back as he slowly lays you down on the counter, his member somehow still notched at your entrance and the new angle rousing a quiet moan from you. When he ultimately pulls away, you pitch forward to chase after his lips, but Sam only grants you a devilish grin and a quick peck to the corner of your mouth before moving down to your jaw and neck. While one palm kneads at your breast through his shirt, the other begins pushing and pulling at fabric to uncover more of your skin for his wandering lips.

“Sam! Augh!” you cry out as your head falls back.

“I got you, baby. I’m all yours. Gonna make you feel so good.” As if to attest his words, he rolls his hips into yours and a needy whimper escapes you. With your fingers still twisted in his hair, Sam leaves no part of you untouched as his mouth travels down your body. But upon reaching your navel, he pauses, those vivid, color-changing eyes peeping up at you to check for any signs of discomfort or objection. Finding none, his thick tongue pokes out to lick a deliriously winding path from your belly button to your exposed clit. Then, pushing down tenderly on the insides of your knees to open you up to him, Sam directs you one last look that is both hungry and reverent, “I still can’t believe this is mine.”

Dean had stopped you halfway through your recollection, but it appears that was still too much for him, “What did I do to deserve this?! I feel like I need to go bathe in holy water for a week.”

You and Sam both open your mouths to respond but Dean cuts you off vehemently, “Ba-da-da-da!” His vocalized outcry is complete with animated gestures featuring an accusing index finger. “OK, before you two tell me another traumatizing story, that’s enough of the who, what, when, where, and how… I just need to know why. I mean, is this- are you- …?”

Sensing the protective wheels turning in his head, you decide to put Dean out his misery, “I’m not just with Sam because he’s an incredible lay if that’s what you’re wondering. We can skip the fatherly ‘what are your intentions’ talk. Yes, Dean, I am in love with your little brother… although ‘little’ is not exactly the word I’d use to describe him.”

“Sammy, could you please control your woman?”

“My woman?” Sam sounds mostly amused but you’re almost certain you can hear a hint of pride in his voice.

“Yeah, I admit I’m surprised I didn’t see it until now. You two are kinda oddly perfect for each other, you know, in a weird, kinky way.”

“To be honest, we’re pretty surprised too. I mean, he doesn’t look it but this guy is kind of territorial,” you quip whilst cocking a thumb in Sam’s direction.

“I don’t need to- Wait a minute, so all those bruises you told me were from hunts?” Dean’s eyebrows soar towards his hairline.

Chewing on your lip, you confirm his hypothesis with a miniscule nod.

“Yeah well that time you saw my back,” Sam chimes in vengefully, casting you a handsome grin full of mischief as he reveals, “that wasn’t a werewolf, that was Y/N.”

With eyes as round as dinner plates, Dean frantically shuts you both down, “OK, that’s it. Torture Dean time is over. I don’t wanna hear any more about your depraved sex lives! Look, I guess I’m happy for you guys, although mostly cause I don’t have to play referee anymore, but I’m gonna need you to follow some ground rules around here. Like rule number one! No sex in public places!” he starts counting with his fingers, “Always put a sock on it when you’re busy! And most importantly, no sex in Baby!”

Your laughter follows Dean as he wearily saunters out of the kitchen, an exhausted expression on his face. Turning to your newly outed boyfriend, you petition excitedly, “Does this mean we can have shower sex now?”

“Not while I’m around!” comes Dean’s snappy answer.

In contrast, Sam gives you the same look he did on that dreamy morning, “Oh trust me baby girl, I’m gonna get you wet somehow.”

“Still within hearing distance! I think I liked it better when you guys were at each other’s throats.”

As you’re giggling, Sam leans down to whisper in your ear, “For the record, I’m in love with you too.” And just like that, you’re tempted to re-enact your previous kitchen escapades.

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TEAM MOOSE: @paulaern​

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[hohoz]

How RE Village (8) SOLVED almost every problem that I had with RE Series

Okay - a few weeks ago I made a post that was “The ones that suffer the most” where I showed and explained my main problems with Chris and Jill and the RE series in general 

RE 1 is my fav game of this series and probably one of my all time favs, I player every RE there is to be played except 4 (because I dislike Leon, sry) 

Recently, specially after 4, the franchise had a few problems, specially in writing/map design/lore 

Resident evil 5 for example (I love this game) but it has it flaws, Chris there is only driven by anger and action - Sheva is used as a tool for lore exposition and to be Chris’s new partner 

PLEASE: be aware that game at that generation didn’t have much lore - with some exceptions, like God of War 1 2 3 were a simply game with a simple lore, and the most recent GoW has evolved a little bit in the storytelling

Until we hit rock bottom in RE6 - I know a lot of people like this game, but this is only and action game, bad writing and generic stages. 

Chris there is so mistreated that makes me mad (if you want to read more about this go to my other post “the ones that suffer the most”)

Until RE7 appeared, Capcom had a new engine and they wanted to do a game that was more horror like - since RE is know for being a Survival horror game.

I liked 7 - some people complained about Ethan being without emotion and others complained about the mold, a few didn’t like the FEAR vibes from Eveline. 

I personally enjoyed the game, I thought RE series was going back on track, that game has it’s problems but it was really nice compared to what we had in 6.

After that game I had a conversation with my best friend and I said that I wanted a game that portrayed Umbrella’s fall since the only game that shows this is Umbrellas Chronicles (and that is most a resume of what happened)

And I said: “Bro, I wish that when they made that game, they could tie some mythological lore and human evolution before Umbrella - using Spencer, this would solve LOT OF STUFF and open new ways to handle this series”

and guess what - this happened in RE8 and kudos to the one writer that did that, i have my gratitude. 

RESIDENT EVIL 8 is probably one of the BEST RE games that we had IN YEARS

And I want to address all thing that I loved in this game and do some predictions to what will happen in the next games.

“WELL WELL IF IT ISN’T ETHAN WINTERS” (The Father of the year)

My father was not a great guy... really, so I want to be the best dad ever, I really want be like Ethan - a guy who is ready to sacrifice and fight every monster in the way to save my family. 

Ethan was a character that in RE7 was used to make us fell like that it was us in the Baker’s house, so that is why he didn’t had that much personality (in my opinion) but they changed that in RE8, here he has nice dialogues AND a diary 

He has one of the best story line in the whole REverse, a guy that did EVERYTHING in his power to save his daughter - and you saw that playing the game, every sentence line that he delivered, he tried to save others too and even tho Chris said to him stay put ... but he couldn’t, he had to go to the altar, he had to help Chris, he had to go forward and keep going, specially after having the tools to face Heisenberg. 

The plea from a father, that was his last wish, after he heard that Mia was alive he knew that someone had to stop that monster, he made a promise to his daughter “Daddy won’t let those weird fairy tale monsters get you” so he trusted Chris, to be the one that teaches his kid how to be brave and strong

I will not address Chris and Rose situation here because this is Ethans part and he deserves completely all the spotlight, his sacrifice was 100x times better than Steve (CV)/Piers(6)

My cheers to Ethan Winters - You have my respect !

Revelations -> RE8 

So leaks from earlier times said that RE8 sucked and Revelations 3 was amazing

Revelations FYI is know for using old tales in RE stories 

Revelations 1 - Dante’s Inferno 

Revelations 2 - Frans Kafka 

Revelations 3 - Dracula 

But since RE8 sucked, Capcom said to the REV3 team that they could make REV3 become RE8 and they accepted 

Revelations series is one of the best in the games, they handle Jill in a way that I love, Claire and even Barry - so they deserve all the spotlight for making this awesome game - you CLEARLY can see that they love this series and that they treat all the characters with the love that they deserve. 

Keeping that in mind, they are the same team that made Rev 2 and in REV 2 we have this file here 

So they had a plan for Jill and we can see that in RE8 - I will address that later but keep that in mind - this team cares for the old characters, they were the ones that brought Barry back to the games :V 

Chris Redfield 

This is a hard one, because he is my fav character and I usually have the most critics regard him, since I’ve expect a lot from Capcom 

In the latest games they made him kind dumb, only muscles type of guy and an alcoholic that let all the people in his surroundings die (RE5,RE6,Vendetta) 

RE6 treats him the WORST

But in RE8 he had an amazing part in the storyline, it was obvious that he wasn’t evil and they FIXED HIS EYE COLOR - FINALLY 

I still don’t like the model face that much but it’s way better than 7 - so I believe Capcom, I still feel that he need more jawline 

But let’s go to the most important thing - here he really feels like a squad leader and a veteran, he has his team but he is the one in the front line, he covers and ask for help when he needs, everything about his line delivery makes you feel like “Woah, this guy is a badass, he is not some stupid guy only driven by emotions”

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FINALLY GETTING THIS RIGHT 

If you remember my post about the ones that suffer the most / Jill is also in that list and I will talk about her a little bit later but if my guess is right RE8 saved her character aswell

Another thing that I enjoyed here is the fact that he is kind of a mercenary / Neo Umbrella kind of guy, even tho he is one of the founders of the BSAA

So I will give you all my score to this game: 

9/10

I won’t give 10/10 because of some technical issues, the cursor lock didn’t work and mouse sensitivity was i dunno, not the best. 

RE8 and the future (PREDICTIONS)  - Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield, BSAA, Neo Umbrella, Ada Wong and Rosemary

First let’s look Rose

The first time I saw Rose all grown up - I thought to myself : She has the same problem as Eveline (age a lot faster than normal) 

But she also absorbed Miranda’s power since the metalicite (something like this) thought that she was a better host. - so maybe she will live longer or something because I doubt that they will do a 14 years time skip. 

This is not the same as Terra Save logo (Claire’s job) but it kind reminds me of it - her shoes appeared at least 3 times in this cut scene so maybe they are trying to show some hints with this 

She really reminds me of Jodie (Beyond two souls, a game where a girl has a lot of power and the gov uses her in missions and stuff, but she also is learning how to be her own person) 

Another thing here is that they don’t have a logo in this car, it really reminds me the car that Chris as using in RE8 

This supports the theory that Chris’s organization is dealing with her instead of the BSAA, the she is a hot headed girl and that she had a lot of powers. 

So here you can say that she is just a kid because she is a teenager, but what if she actually grows older really fast (like Eveline) maybe this is just 1 year later / 2 yrs later. (after RE8)

So this is the tricky part, this is Chris’s guard/soldier, someone that Chris trust to stand by her side, in my mind I do believe that Chris is kind of a father figure to her, so when this guys says this he is thinking about hot head Chris but she replies “Yeah” thinking about Ethan - (she has the mold memories, so she can actually remember Ethan’s memories) 

Now let’s look at this 

BSAA 

So in REV1 is hinted that BSAA is not the best organization in the world, but since our heroes work there we think that they are the good guys right ? 

In REV 2 (it’s important to remember that the team that created RE8 is the same from the REVELATIONS and they had this file here in REV2)

This email is from Jill and what does Jill have ? T-Virus 

Wesker is a different case since he was a project and she had the vaccine but this would make a lot of sense if they had this tests with Jill to get the T-Virus

If that is the case, they explained Jill’s absence in the main games, could even explain why Chris left BSAA and opened a new window to a lot of possibilities 

My Predictions: 

- Chris had trouble dealing with BSAA and Jill’s case, he wanted to get her out of there, maybe he removed her from there but that resulted in him being expelled from the force

-Jill may or may not know what they are doing with her blood, but she will have a huge part in the BOW used by BSAA 

-Chris is married to Jill (sorry- I had to place this here, in a perfect world he has two kids with her and they all love aunt Rose) 

-Chris will hopefully be a father figure to Rose and they will be in a game together since in the end they came to get her

-Rebecca is still involved in BSAA activities (leak from new REV3) if you consider Vendetta canon, she maybe the one that used Jill’s sample of blood to create the virus soldiers

-Barry maybe retired 

-I don’t think Leon will be in this game, but he will get his RE4 Rmk 

- I do believe RE9 will be release after Code veronica rmk and MAYBE they will do a game about Umbrella’s Fall (Chris and Jill in Europe against Red Queen and BOWs) 

But that is it, you can see a lot of elements from old RE games in RE8, they tried to do something really smart and the game felt amazing to play, that was something else and it’s been a while since a player a RE game that made me feel that way <3

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

Anyway, the Crimson Cult

Legends of Runeterra is a card game based on League of Legends Lore. It’s pretty cool, and has some interesting characters adapted as cards.

The most interesting ones are probably the 4 members of the Crimson Cult.

The Crimson Cult is the private cult of big old vampire Vladimir, an actual LOL Champion.

Anyway, Vladimir is this, like... eminence in shadow figure, waits in his big old mansion in Noxus for centuries till something big is about to happen so he can show up and go “my job here is done” while everyone else wonders what exactly did he do at all, only to then get back in his mansion and become a shut in for another couple centuries or so.

That said, when Vladimir gets back into society and stops being a gross Hikikomori obsessed with bloodplay and having creepy portraits of himself commissioned like he’s the world most self centered furry, he becomes kind of a party animal and starts setting up some sort of cult of personality over him, based around the spooky forbidden knowledge he can offer over blood magic or some shit.

Most members of the cult just smile and nod along as they use this as a chance to get high.

Anyway, LoR introduced 4 Crimson Cult Characters, and much like cards like Tyari or Cytria, they all tell a story, so to speak.

They are also particularly interesting since their 4 collective lore blurbs are all interconnected conversations they have with each other over the course of their meetings.

Anyway, we have:

The Disciple.

Her name is Clara. Social Status Uncertain but probably of lower birth (If such a thing ever mattered in Trifariax Noxus). She’s an hedonist and has a good relationship with all other members. She claims, and I quote, that “(She)'ll try anyone once” but most importantly will go from  awkwardly flirt with Ophelia when they are paired together (”I like your stile” “I like your face...”) to outright “dating” her in the flavor text (Kinda). A balancing act between being constantly Horny and being constantly High. She also seems to have a long standing friendship with Edvin and knew him from before the cult.

Given how her effects has her take damage to activate it, and some of her most suggestive lines, she’s definitely a bottom and a sub. The collar is also a big tell.

Vladimir will refer to her as “Supper” when meeting her, but will also reprimand her for her carefree way to handle blood magic.

Bad Bi Rep? Maybe, but she’s an evil bisexual hedonist in a freaky blood cult in the most sexually permissive country on the planet, what did you expect?

Her Flavor Text is, like everyone’s else, a mess to navigate through, so I’ll try to present it in order via numbers and makes with the other 3 Flavor Texts.

1) "Edvin! There you are, handsome. I was just thinking of you!" (Responding to Edvin’s 1, responded by Edvin 2)

2) "Each of us can go, now…" (Responding to Edvin’s 3, Responded by Edvin’s 4)

3) "Escort me. I'll make it fun." (Responding to Ophelia’s 2, Responded by Ophelia’s 3)

4) "Or nothing at all?" (Responding to Ophelia’s 3, Responded by Edvin’s 5)

The Aristocrat.

The other female member of the gang. Her name has been revealed to be Ophelia but is never mentioned as such in the game. As the artwork suggests she’s WLW (hence the artwork being censored in the Chinese release by removing the lesbian subtext in the art and coloring the blood purple), but also has a fairly friendly relationship with Edvin, referring to him as “finally, someone with style”). She’s a member of the aristocracy, as her title suggests, and it seems her parents are also kind of homophobic and disproving of her lifestyle, which is kind of weird in Noxus but then again they are Aristocrats so they are probably still following the Pre-Trifariax Mindset. While she isn’t exactly unbothered by it, she also doesn’t want to be disowned out of their fortune. She is incredibly arrogant and will be catty toward everyone but Edvin and Clara, with Kye being a sort of middle ground (Her: “You’re Late.” Him. “Mhm, Knew you’d wait”).

Her effect deals damage to someone to empower it, making her a Top and, potentially, a Domme.

She has no interactions with Vladimir.

As for her Flavor Text:

1) "Ah, you too? To the Reveler's B--" (Responding to Edvin’s 2, Responded by Edvin’s 3)

2) "How am I to tolerate mine?" (Responding to Edvin’s 4, Responded by Clara’s 3)

3) "Respectfully, my dear, my father would disown me. ...perhaps we should wear matching dresses." (Responding to Clara’s 3, Responded by Clara’s 4).

The Curator.

Edvin. He is the richest member of the gang, and their unofficial weed dealer. His blood potions bring all the boys to the yard, so to speak, but he seems to have acquired all his wealth by himself. He seems to not have an affluent family such as Ophelia, and in fact seems to value the gang, his new family (His Bloodkin, as he calls them) more, making this an ACTUAL, FOUND FAMILY SCENARIO. He has great relationships with the other three members of the Gang, and will in fact lament more losing his friends than actually dying when his card, well, dies (”But... My Friends...).

Shaped like a friend, and his ability, while triggered by taking damage, actually allows him to call forth the gang by drawing them in hand.

Vladimir will comment on the richness of his blood.

Has the longest Flavour Text:

1)  "Beloved companions!" (Starting Line in the exchange, Responded by Clara’s 1)

2) "Were you? Well I received an invitation." (Responding to Clara’s 1, Responded by Ophelia’s 2)

3) "--Reveler's Ball! Yes!" (Responding to Ophelia’s 2, Responded by Clara’s 2)

4) "Then we must! I shall present my family." (Responding to Clara’s 2, Responded by Ophelia’s 3)

5) "Starters before dessert, my dear. And you, Kye? Will you attend?" (Responding to Clara’s 4, Responded by Kye’s 1).

The Awakener.

Kye. He’s the eldest of the gang, and the one with the most experience with the cult. She is your classical aloof loner in anime who pretends not to care about his so called friends when in fact he cares way too much. He will appear constantly bored and disillusioned with everything, even when meeting Vladimir, but will still have positive interactions with his friends (Teasing Ophelia, having some best bros talk with Edvin, and reminiscing about their lessons together with Clara). Probably the most stoner coded of the gang.

His ability has him deal damage to all friendly creatures in play as a additional cost to be played, thus triggering Edvin’s and Clara’s abilities, both of whom he spent expensive time teaching Blood Magic, and just annoying the top Ophelia, as he does.

Vladimir reminds him about the importance of manners, and is implied he was taught blood magic by him, just like he in turn has taught it to his friends.

That would make the Crimson Cult Runeterra first Weed Smoking Polycule based Pyramid Scheme.

He has only one interaction in the whole flavor text conversation with his friends, cementing the fact he prefers to hang in the sidelines of the gang despite his supposed role as leader.

1)  "Even if I said 'no', you'd drag me along. So... sure." (Responding to Edvin’s 5, concluding the conversation).

With this we can reconstruct the full conversation as:

Edvin: "Beloved companions!"

Clara: "Edvin! There you are, handsome. I was just thinking of you!"

Edvin:  "Were you? Well I received an invitation."

Ophelia: "Ah, you too? To the Reveler's B--"

Edvin: "--Reveler's Ball! Yes!"

Clara: "Each of us can go, now…"

Edvin: "Then we must! I shall present my family."

Ophelia: "How am I to tolerate mine?"

Clara: "Escort me. I'll make it fun."

Ophelia: "Respectfully, my dear, my father would disown me. ...perhaps we should wear matching dresses."

Clara: "Or nothing at all?"

Edvin: "Starters before dessert, my dear. And you, Kye? Will you attend?"

Kye: "Even if I said 'no', you'd drag me along. So... sure."

There is then a secret, last Flavor Text, coming from Vladimir’s upgraded art, about him probably overhearing some of his guests at the Reveler’s Ball from his creepy dark corner somewhere in his creepy dark vampire mansion and going, probably as a direct response to either Kye’s lack of enthusiasm or Ophelia’s arrogance:

Vladimir: “Do you find my little fête banal, darling? Then let me give you a real show!”

Anyway, this was the Crimson Cult. A found family story hidden in a card game depicting a gang of hedonist stoners who also happen to be fairly LGBT friendly.

[onemanalliance]

Random deltarune things / theories / whatever

Noelle seems totally unfazed by the mention of the roaring. She watched Berdly almost cause it, and still didn’t seem to react at all. Susie, Berdly, and even Queen all seemed horrified at that revelation, and Kris didn’t react because, well, let’s be real they aren’t the most expressive person in the world, so why doesn’t Noelle react?? Isn’t she supposed to be super shy and somewhat anxious or nervous?

Ralsei in my opinion seems less like he’s malicious in intentions and more like he’s hiding something, wether for his own good, or Kris’, or the worlds? Not that I’d have any idea what it is that he’s hiding.

Are Jevil and Spamt Spamton still alive? Jevil has shown that he can transform into DEVILSKNIFE, but is he still aware when he’s in Kris’ inventory? What about the Jevilstail? And Spamton even still has dialogue if you beat him with a full inventory, cursing you out for trying to keep him away by filling your [inventorium] with [half-priced salamy]. If he wasn’t sentient anymore, would he be able to still talk? And if that was like, the last of his energy, how did he put so much into it? He seems pretty pissed. Is it just a gameplay thing? Does it even have lore implications???

When the soul is removed from Kris, we’ve all been operating under the assumption that’s their decision but, what if there’s some 3rd force fighting with Kris and the player for control? If Kris could just do that at any time, why didn’t they before the Spamton Neo fight? They clearly seem freaked out by Spamton and don’t want to get involved. What about snowgrave? They never just said enough and force stopped you from manipulating their childhood best friend into murdering people and also one of her own friends.

If that isn’t the case, then why DOES Kris put the soul back? Is it as simple as “humans will die without a when spectated from their soul for too long?” That seems like the most simple answer but then, again I ask, why not intervene during some of the more undesirable moments??

If toriel called the police, we assume it means Undyne will show up, right? But if you have the option to occupy her with the escaped dogs, it leads me to believe that she won’t be present. Like, if our choices all lead to the same outcome, and a potential outcome is undyne being preoccupied, she really can’t get involved. The the police ARE showing up, right?? Is fracking NAPSTABLOOK gonna join somehow????

And then there’s still the burning question of the skele bros. Why is sans the only undertale returnee we’ve seen who looks the same (not counting that one froggit). Why isn’t papyrus here? He’s “busy” the steam store page says, things didnt work out according to sans. But what? What is he doing? He’s the only character to be absent without explanation.

WHAT IS ONION TALKING ABOUT?!?

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

Been rewatching Apocrypha, and so far there are two things I want to point out, one of which is just a cool minor detail and the other which I feel is highly significant:

-When Chiron is shooting at Achilles in the sky, he specifically takes aim at the horses pulling Achilles’s chairot, and more specifically, he aims at Pedasus. The other two, Bailos and Xanthos, are immortal gifts from the gods, but Pedasus (despite, according to the lore, being an excellent and strong steed) is a mortal horse that Achilles stole. Which means that Chiron aimed to throw out Achilles’s chariot’s balance and aimed for the weakest link.

-There is an ungodly amount of focus on Shakespeare that solidifies my theory that he’s the mastermind of events in some capacity. Long solo shots of him taking a bow in the opening, the revelation that he apparently knew Amakusa’s plans from the beginning and never revealed this to the other Red-faction Servants, and the way that Amakusa specifically uses Command Seals to prevent Shakespeare from writing about his demise. Shakespeare attempts to resist this, but the binds appear to cause him great pain, and eventually, he gives in to be released from that pain. In the same scene after Amakusa leaves, Semiramis also binds and threatens Shakespeare with death should he plot against their Master, but Shakespeare doesn’t even fucking flinch and instead interrogates Semiramis about whether or not she’s actually rooting for Amakusa to succeed before joking around about writing the world’s next great love story. He’s conspicuously absent from the entire bit where they steal the Greater Holy Grail - during which, Darnic finally acts and betrays Vlad to turn him into a vampire, and Avicebron inexplicably decides to betray and murder his Master. (Avicebron admits that he’s not good with kids and doesn’t generally like humans due to their cruelty, but he DOES show concern for Roche previously - telling him to get down from the fortress walls because it’s dangerous while the battle is going on, indulging him when the kid asks him to look at new golem designs, etc. “I wear this mask because looking people in the eye is too much trouble.” Nah, bro, that doesn’t sound like something Avicebron would ever say or do. He wears the mask because he’s self-conscious about his appearance, not because he doesn’t want to look people in the eyes - but it DOES sound to me like the kind of thing a writer who wanted to include a Wham Line in his villainous introduction speech would include.)

[reaperkaneki]

and now for my opinions on the individual routes! this is gonna get long so bear with me.

i played through the initial routes in the order of riku (blue) -> amakusa (green) -> yosuga (purple) -> kuroba (black). you could probably swap yosuga and kuroba depending on preference, or even insert tokisada between the two as a breather since purple and black have fairly heavy themes.

again, the game is romance-heavy compared to past localized otome. the structure is like this: the first half of a route is dedicated to ‘how the characters fall for each other’, the second is dedicated to ‘who objects to this relationship and also what horrible little facet of the game’s broken caste-based society are we concentrating on today’. so, romance -> antagonism and lore.

i would for sure recommend doing riku first, since his route has the least amount of spoilers for the other routes. at the very least i would definitely not do yosugas route before his because that has some revelations on the antagonist of riku’s route. i went in expecting riku to be my least favorite, but he was super cute and i ended up liking him way more than anticipated. i want to bully him a little bit. again, great for a first route.

i’ll go ahead and say that i didn’t like tokisada’s route very much. he’s only seventeen, so younger than olympia by a year, so he’s very youthful and fun at first and i enjoyed the first half of his route. his character arc is fine in theory; unfortunately, he didn’t really do it for me. he has a lot of complexes that are relatable, and a lot of genuine flaws that make sense given his trauma, but his route seemed to drag on forever and i was constantly caught between going ‘okay, this is an unhealthy but understandable and realistic trauma behavior, i should give him the benefit of the doubt’ and ‘wait this is an otome and i am not a therapist, i want to grab this little twink by the shoulders and shake him’. oh, one surprising thing though: he has a lot of kisses. for the youngest member of the cast, who definitely has no prior experience, he sure does have a lot of service? which is immediately killed by the fact that he calls olympia onee-san aaaaaAAAAAAA NOT DURING THE SPICY SCENES ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

yosuga is more plot-heavy of a route than i expected. all of the routes have some aspect of ‘certain things happened in the past that were covered up for the sake of maintaining the status quo on the island’ but other than the final two, this one has the most flavor of ‘are you sure you want to know’? while the romance was barely there compared to, say, tokisada’s where he drags you on dates for the first half of the route, i think i liked the antagonist in his route the most—they’re complex and while most antagonists in this game have suffered under some aspect of the island’s caste system and strict societal obligations, i felt the most sympathy here.

i expected either kuroba or akaza, maybe even yosuga, to be my favorite when the game was announced solely based on character design and seiyuu, and was a little hesitant when kuroba was described as an older brother type character. then i played the game and basically spent the three routes i did first pining after him. yes, he’s reliable and good with kids, but he’s actually the flirty jokester type with a serious side, and in many of the routes he plays an excellent wingman. truly the brosiest of bros. now that i’ve got my biased opinion of kuroba out of the way, his actual route? i’ve got mixed feelings. on one hand, the date scenes are really fun. kuroba grappling with ethical concerns as a doctor was handled well imo. on the other, the relationship goes through a lot of ups and downs. there are some moments where i wanted to shake him (and olympia!) by the shoulders because they’re both very. hm. guys. seriously. and lastly but most unfortunately there’s some scenes that. well. heavy content warning. sexual violence. not great. it mostly pulls together in the end, albeit somewhat messily.

speaking of plot heavy, himuka’s route is revelation after revelation about the world they live in. which is why it’s locked. (i actually thought while playing it, “what could akaza’s route possibly reveal that himuka’s hasn’t?”) but since i’m trying to keep this mostly spoiler-free, i’ll talk abt himuka himself. i liked him! he’s cute. he gives me orlok piofiore vibes. he’s very intense and socially awkward, and definitely puts olympia up on a pedestal that she doesn’t want to be on. he has very little self esteem, does a thankless job, and is self sacrificing. in short, he’s very, very similar to olympia in some respects, and utterly foreign in others, which makes him a good parallel for her.

akaza is obviously the ‘main guy’. it’s very hard to discuss his route without spoiling anything. i’ll do my best. he’s known as the iron mask, a nickname kuroba gave him as a joke but it stuck. he’s so serious it almost borders on the comical. he’s aggressive in his pursuit of olympia because she tends to avoid his romantic advances out of…. stubbornness and spite; she had a bad first impression of him because he declared he would marry her out of obligation if she couldn’t find a husband and that pissed her off majorly. this would come off as skeevy and ymmv but i think it’s handled decently well because it’s clear very early on in even the common route that olympia understands that akaza is not a bad person, he’s actually a very good, reliable man who hates injustice. akaza is fairly gentlemanly despite being pushy abt getting her to give him a chance—he explicitly talks abt consent a few times and that he won’t touch or kiss her without her permission. he’s blank faced and monotone but a good cook and a romantic at heart. the rest of his route? without spoilers, again, it’s hard. his antagonist is a hit or miss i think. some people might dislike that they’re inconsistent and hard to understand, and i totally get that, but i liked that said character explicitly states that they’ve got conflicting desires and don’t understand it completely themself. it’s paradoxical and that seems in line with their characterization. WAIT HOLD ON ONE MORE THING: akaza takes off his glasses during date scenes which makes his route a 0/10 booooooo we hate you.

my ranking for the guys based on person preference: kuroba > akaza / riku / himuka > yosuga > tokisada

akaza’s design does it for me over riku and himuka’s, riku’s character is cuter than the other two, and himuka has a certain je ne sais quoi that made me like him more than expected. they’re in the same spot because my favorite of the three changes based on what mood i’m in lol

[genshins1mpact]

okay so i know i mentioned on here before that i have a bunch of dreams when i sleep and how i had that cute one with xiao & mingxiao before right?? 👀

forgot to share it sooner bc life but anyway i had a funny/cute dream with diluc the other day (i'll try to add a read more bc this got a lil long but it doesn't always work on mobile so i'll try & fix it asap if so!) but yeah this kinda turned into a whole fic of its own lol,,

☆ the dream itself is here, under the cut! ☆

basically, to not have to explain all the lore about my oc/self insert and all that again, the tldr of it is that i landed on teyvat similar to traveler but didn't really have anywhere to go so after gaining his trust and becoming close, diluc sort of just takes me in and lets me work at the tavern + lets me stay in a spare room at the winery. so yeah we often walk to/from work together if he's working at angel's share that day, and i guess everyone just assumes we're dating?? ...except for me, that is, who still thought he was in love with jean (bc of the whole stormterror thing).

one night, kaeya's been hanging out in the tavern all night, venti's already left or passed out or smth, and then once things close up, diluc and i get ready to head off, but apparently this is the first time kaeya's seen us head off together/in the same direction, and immediately decides to start teasing. he's all "ooh look at the two lovebirds, you've moved in together already? how'd you ask her out, i didn't know you two were a thing, congrats bro so glad she likes you back" kinda stuff and then i just start laughing and telling him to knock it off, wouldn't want jean to overhear and misunderstand. and they're both just like ......wait what? and i'm all "oh cause diluc likes jean right? i thought the were like an Unspoken Thing yknow??" and both stare at me as if i've grown like 3 heads and started doing a one-(wo)man barber shop quartet. lightbulb goes off in kaeya's head that i don't know jack shit & we're not a thing (yet) and diluc is just thinking like "i can't believe you're literally this oblivious, holy shit". hence kaeya's teasing The Sequel, where he just starts complimenting my uniform and says i look like a cute little maid or whatever and diluc is silently fuming behind me. he mutters something along the lines of "how oblivious can you possibly be?" and all but throws his coat/jacket over me to try and cover me "bc it's cold" (yeah yeah sure, jealous much? haha), then asks me how i never noticed how he felt about me. so i'm there having an earth teyvat-shattering moment of revelation that it WASN'T jean he liked, and that he didn't do all those nice things for me bc i'm friends with her, but because he liked...me????

kaeya smugly walks off with a little "you're welcome", after a his shenanigans, and i'm still trying to process things bc i'd never seen diluc that way, always assuming he'd liked someone else so i never really looked at him that way. we kind of quietly resume our walk back "home" and im clutching his jacket close to me, then we both try to speak at the same time, he tries to ask for my response/reaction and i was trying to ask for some time. he's kind of confused and almost looks hurt, but agrees to give me some time to think, since i explained the whole "not seeing him in that light" and didn't want to answer on a whim. that i didn't want to mistake gratitude for all he's done for me for affection and stuff so he was like hey good point i wouldn't want you to feel like i forced you into this, and no you're not gonna get kicked out/fired if you don't like me back, it's okay. diluc mentions having to be away for 2 weeks cause of a work trip and that i can respond then.

in the meantime, a bunch happened like a trip to liyue with aether & paimon, a whole girls' talk over tea with jean & lisa over the situation, and got my own lil serenitea pot so i potentially had the option of moving out now if i wanted to. i decided to my day off from the tavern to go out on a little adventure, just journey around and test out the teapot home and all that jazz. ran into noelle and we hung out/trained for awhile together and invited her in for for a tea break and stuff, like it was just really cute and fun. but apparently diluc came back a few days early and was freaking out when i was nowhere to be found, no one had any idea where i was, and was just really concerned something might happen to me. then noelle arrives through the gates and overhears him asking lisa stuff and goes all "oh she's over by (idk where i was maybe that bit of land between mond & liyue?) and he thanks her for the info and runs off to find me. he finds the teapot (somehow) on some rock but doesn't see me and i come back out of my lil abode bc someone outside kept saying my name and then i felt the teapot shake (he'd picked it up). cue a dramatic reunion in the rain bc when isn't it pouring and trying to kill me in teyvat in true romcom fashion i guess.

diluc is all "do you have any idea how worried i was about you? all alone out here? any of the abyss mages could have hurt you or taken you away or-" just rambles on and meanwhile im having this sort of Oh You're Back and I Think I'm Feeling Things realization (absence makes the heart grow fonder lol). so there's just this kind of strong, desperate hug moment and everything's quiet, save for the pouring rain and faroff occasional lightning strike. and i whispered something along the lines of "i think i'm in love with you" and his eyes widen before responding smth like "i think i'm in love with you too" with a fond smile, the first genuine huge smile i've ever seen on him (pls picture him like in the manga and not his in game ._. face PLS-🤣). cue another romcom cliche reunion hug + kiss scene in the rain, in which we take shelter from the rain inside the serenitea pot bc of how bad the storm kept getting.

(aether has tubby but i have chummy, kinda looks like the teapot salesman, and i usually just call her chums.) so we're greeted by chums who kind of is like staring daggers at diluc bc i showed up with a guest unannounced, drenched, and we're holding hands. she's overprotective in a very Mom Friend kind of way but she just means well. we change into some baggy share clothes i have and then i scrambled up something to eat (since we can apparently cook & forge in our lil pot i love that so much-) anyway so we decide to get some rest bc it's late and have the Oh No There Was Only One Bed conundrum until we agree to just share and sleep on opposite sides bc nbd right? i turned in my sleep and essentially was hugging his back whilst asleep, and he just turned over at some point and hugged me too, and booooiiii was this fire boy WARM, he felt like a personal heater and after all that rain, i slept like a log. diluc woke up before me cause he's used to an earlier schedule and slips out quietly to speak to chummy, asking if she knew where the supplies were cause he wanted to surprise me with breakfast (and man can he cook! goodbye kfc, hello good hunter). chummy is still kind of not vibing with him, until he apologizes for "intruding" and explains everything that's happened, to which chums kind of softens up and realizes he's sweet and just wants to do something nice, not go around raiding the house. woke up alone and went to look for the source of the smell, and kinda just clung to him, making diluc blush. don't remember too much more after the cooking thing though besides going for a stroll around my teapot layout, meeting all the pets that chill there, and kinda just having a relaxing day off together. the winery staff was probably freaking out wondering where we were, but we were just kinda in our own world (literally?), enjoying the peace before returning to all the chaos that is teyvat. cutest damn dream ❤

[joculatrixster]

lsiten, no hate to ppl who bought the art book cause heosntly im glad ppl could! but like, am i the only one slightly annoyed that devs locked basic lore detials of the world and characters behind a paywall that msot younger/less well off fans couldnt get?? like cmon devs why tf is the family retionships in kingdom reveled in the art book, why is basic info on the ingredient tribes in the art book??? i get they need to get payed n all but like bro i expected for that preorder price yall were getting more lore than that, why do devs keep so much shit vague as hell when it litterly only makes things more confusing and limits the world! and hey if u have the artbook and think it was worth the money then thats fine too yall dont have to agree with me, jsut i would think a major plot point for characters storylines shouldn't be reveled to me no in the source material but in an optional book that costs way too much for me to ask for causally, and yeah the devs added the dark cacao thing into dark mode but that was an update after the fact that some ppl especially newer players or ppl who don't play kingdom wouldn't even know if they weren't in the fandom.