#and being able to make my own SO easily is just. A+++
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dawnphoenixrises · 2 days ago
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As someone who grew up with both epilepsy and sensory issues and had to try to get accommodations for both I will say this is true. My sensory issues were bad but I had different things to manage them (ear plugs, certain clothes, etc.) HOWEVER I didn’t worry about my sensory issues for like the first 16 years. They were just there and sometimes I felt overwhelmed if I didn’t do certain things (oversimplifying but yeah)
This was mainly because I grew up with epilepsy so was always worrying and aware of triggers for them. Also with these there was less things I could do on my own for accommodations. I had to advocate for myself from a young age (diagnosed around 5) to my teachers cause even if my mom said something they wouldn’t always follow it.
I remember one time that my class was watching a movie and I asked the teacher if it had flashing lights or a strobe and she said she didn’t know and to just get the form signed. As I was young I didn’t know how to look it up so I just got the form signed. Surprise I had a seizure - luckily I’m not grande mal but we only know because I was talking with a friend who worried when I stopped talking and got the teacher who sent me to the nurse (ALONE which wasn’t smart) who basically had me lay down for 10 minutes then sent me back to class. This is not how it should have been handled. The teacher knew I had epilepsy and should have told me to ask my mom or at least not make me feel embarrassed about it. I should have been sent to the nurse with a friend in case I had another seizure and something happened. I should have been sent home! after this I had to advocate even more for myself because it’s not like I can just shut my eyes every time there’s a strobe cause sometimes a seizure will happen before I realize.
I was always worried a seizure would happen. Even when I was a year free in 7th grade I wasn’t worried. And one did happen. I had a seizure and lost control of my body with a full bladder. I couldn’t get up because I was sitting in a chair full of my own pee. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t say anything to my friend sitting next to me or the sub. Luckily my mom worked in the school so I texted her and after the bell rang she came and got me. it’s terrifying to lose control over my own body like that. To have no say in what it does or even be aware for it. There’s a reason those with epilepsy have to wait 6 months from the last seizure to drive because they could easily get in a crash at the wrong time.
I remember being 10 and asking my mom if I’d ever stop having seizures and not have to take meds and to be able to not have to worry about watching a movie or hanging with friends or even taking a bath. I rember feeling sad but resigned when she told me there’s a very small chance that I could. And luckily that small chance happened but I also still worry that I could have a seizure cause it still is possible. I am more likely to have seizures when I am older because of it and I never know if I watch a movie with a strobe if it will set me off again. And I am 6 years seizure free! While both need accommodations and people should have access to both, epilepsy can be immediately life threatening. It was only after my seizures were under control and a few years free that I started paying attention to my sensory issues consciously. The accommodations for the two are not the same and shouldn’t be treated the same but anyone with either should be able to access them to improve their life or even save it.
I keep seeing people put accommodations for people with epilepsy on the same level as sensory accommodations for autism and like... no??? Obviously both are important but epilepsy can kill people, SUDEP is a thing. If you expose someone with photosensitive epilepsy to strobing lights they could suffer permanent brain damage or die. Epilepsy is a condition with physical, sometimes deadly consequences. I'm not sure how many different ways I need to say this before it sticks, but epileptic seizures are physical neurological phenomena that can cause lasting neurological damage or death. Epilepsy can kill you. You can die from epilepsy.
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concretejunglefm · 2 days ago
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coming to bother you with this
i keep thinking about noah being so soft with reader, like holding them after a long day, loving all over them, telling how much he loves them, etc.
or the other way around, with them telling him how much they love him, soft soft stuff like that
I love nothing but soft thoughts and I've been have so many recently just not able to put them into actual words, but this thought made me 🥺 I hope you don't mind 💕
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CW: mostly fluff, but mentions of negative thoughts, struggles with depression, loss and recurring nightmares.
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There was once a time when Noah would wake up in the night to find you lying there, waging with the war behind your eyes. Now, it seems like you’ve switched places. You sleep peacefully beside him, your body tucked against his, because despite wearing more layers than him in comparison to his own stark sleepwear, you still feel cold and always attempt to steal his warmth.
Noah has woken from another nightmare, the same one that has plagued his waking thoughts for days. The circumstances may differ, but the outcome is always the same: this life you share is not his to keep. Every time he closes his eyes, it’s taken away from him and when he wakes, he expects to find himself back in his old room, the one he left almost a year ago when you entered his life.
When he does wake, he finds himself in a moonlit room—the same one he’s been sleeping in for the past year, building and sharing memories of his own with the person he loves lying beside him.
Normally, sleep would come easily, but he refuses to succumb, too afraid of reliving the nightmare he dragged himself out of and for the rest of the night, he lays awake, battling sleeps attempts to pull him back under. As he does, he listens to the faint sound of your breathing, a comforting reassurance that you’re still here with him, and this is real.
Noah doesn’t wake you, not wanting to disturb you with the trivial and absurd thoughts his mind has chosen to torment him with. However, it’s as if you’re deeply connected to him on a level that draws you out of your sleep, and he hears the faint whisper of your tired voice.
“Noah, what’s wrong?”
He can’t hide from you, no matter how hard he tries. He’s never been able to keep his face from spilling his worries. Instead of fighting it and telling you to go back to sleep, he rolls over onto his side, his long arm falling over you. He feels your fingers find his as your gesture of comfort before you nestle yourself closer.
In the darkness, he tries to make out your features, using the faint moonlight to trace them. He notices the way your brows knit together in worry as you look up at him and contemplates his questions relating to the storm of worries currently raging in his mind, and decides to start with a lighthearted opener: “Do you remember when you asked me if I’d still love you if you were a worm?”
You laugh. You didn’t expect the question and you laugh. Your laughter fills his heart with warmth. It comes not from a place of ridicule, but a soft, sweetness. “Of course I do,” you say. “You had promised to build me my own terrarium to carry me around.” Your voice, filled with sleep, makes him smile. He remembers the moment you mention, how you knew that to be the moment you had fallen for him completely.
Noah had already fallen long before that, but had been too shy to admit it.
Sometimes, like now, he wants to delve into his concerns and ask you, “Do you love me?” with the same playful yet serious tone that you used when asking that question and before he can control himself, those exact words come stumbling out.
Silence follows and he glazes at you in the darkness.
Without missing a beat, you move closer, your hand searching for his face in the darkness as you come to cradle his cheek. “Noah, of course I love you,” you say, trying to calm the raging waves. However, their intensity remains, threatening to overflow, especially as he feels the gentle warmth of your breath and the soft press of your forehead against his.
“What if I don’t deserve this? What if I don’t deserve you?” He despises the fact that he’s allowing himself to indulge in these darker thoughts that currently haunt his mind, and that he’s even giving them a voice. However, the relentless gnawing at him makes it incredibly challenging to suppress them.
The constant worry revolves around wanting to give you the best and fearing that he isn’t capable of it because he’s not used to keeping the people he loves to this extent. Throughout his life, he’s experienced varying degrees of loss, and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, especially now that he’s become so vulnerable with you, letting you into his heart completely. The two of you are already on the path to starting a life together, yet some days, he’s plagued by the idea and worry that he’ll lose you, that you’ll decide you want better, and deserve better than him.
It’s your voice that pulls him back as he spirals within his own mind. Your fingers gently stroke through his hair, a soothing caress on the crown of his head as you whisper softly into the darkness.
“Noah, I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re the most selfless person I’ve ever known, not just to your friends but even to those you don’t know.” You move hand to press against his chest, over his heart, your touch soothing the rapid beating of it. “You deserve happiness, and if you believe I’m a source of that, then I promise you that you deserve me. I want you, and I love you, and I’m so grateful to have you in my life. I’ve never felt more fortunate.”
Each word you speak further calms the dark thoughts in his mind, driving away the storm and pulling him further into your embrace. He has no words to respond with, instead meeting you with a soft, loving, and wet kiss. He hadn’t noticed the tears that roll down his cheeks, unsure if they had started before or after your assurance. Regardless, they currently feel less sad than when he had woken earlier. He feels less sad because now, a majority of that feeling has been replaced with your love and assurance, matching what he always provides to you in these moments.
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tagged: @fadingangelwisp @deathblacksmoke  @geminigirlfromfinland @fuck1ng-queen @xxkittenkissesxx @lacy1986 @ami--gami @floodflameschosen @dominuslunae @tosoundlessdarkistare @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @lonelydragonlady @th4t-em0-k1d @amelia-acero @dollieomens @I-love-the-smell-of-you-blood @sitkowski @athenexe @trvshdxddy @collapsedglasshouses @overmydeadbodysblog @xmads-omensx @ajordan2020 @astronoids @death-ofpeace-ofmind @ichoosetenderomens @chey-h @blade-dressed-in-red @bloody-spades @concretenoah
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hey-august · 2 days ago
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Imagining a scenario where crossguild is founded and reader is an underling working for the trio. One day they excuse themselve from the room before a meeting is supposed to start and Crocodile and Mihawk share a look.
“They are quite charming.” “Indeed…” “… I do believe I have a few excellent bottles of whiskey in my personal collection.” “Hmm… I’m afraid none of my vices are something you’d be interested in Hawkeye.” “That classified shipment you have coming in would do quite nicely.” “… Deal.”
And so Crocodile and Mihawk have set up a bet on who can seduce Reader first.
And Buggy is PANICKING. Like his stupid little crush wasn’t already embarrassing enough to deal with, now he actually has COMPETITION (well, even more threatening competitors anyways, he’s are Reader already gets swarmed by the regular) and he’s deeply aware of his own shortcomings, it’s like the universe conspired to make him miserable once again.
Buggy finally gets the gall to try and visit reader in the early evening, snacks in hand, he’s gonna make it casual, ask if they want to just spend some time drinking and eating and- Oh hi Mihawk…. Oh… that’s some expensive wine you got there… expensive cheese for that matter as well. Great. Lovely luxury charcuterie you two have there… NONONO HE’LL BE GOING NO PROBLEM BYE!
So what inevitably happens after three months of Crocodile and Mihawk pulling out all the stops to sweep reader off their feet? What’s the conclusion that arrives when Mihawk finally, FINALLY just asks in a moment of rare impatience “As you may probably be able to tell, I’ve been courting you for quite a while. I do wonder if the interest is mutual or if you have an eye on one of… my associates.” ?
Of course they immediately stammer out an apology, they are really flattered, but they do indeed have fallen for one of his associates. Buggys soul just collapses inwardly and Crocodile shoots an annoyed Mihawk the most shit eating, smuggest look imaginable.
“… It’s… uh. I mean if Chairman Buggy would even LIKE to go on a date with me that is…”
And Buggy fucking LOOSES it then and there, blabbering and ugly crying immediately because???? HE WON? HE WASNT EVEN IN THE RACE BUT HE WON!? Like the little lame dog that FINALLY won his first race- the universe smiled at him for once and he- he-
His colleagues just stare at the scene unfolding in bewilderment, only finally speaking again when Reader and Buggy have left the room, Reader shooting them an apologetic look as they run soothing circles into Buggys back.
Crocodile absolutely ruins the expensive table as he slowly and furiously drags his hook along the exotic wooden top. Mihawk just sighs and grabs them both some glasses of whiskey. Obviously they never had a chance because Reader insert is clearly absolutely insane.
LOVE THIS. A LOT. LET'S TALK ABOUT IT MORE?
Like 500 words of talking about it, pls.
Warnings: sfw, gn!reader, courting croc + mihawk, buggy being buggy, we need more crybaby buggy, mentions of alcohol
Okay, Crocodile and Mihawk laying out the terms of the deal are delightful. Same page, same thoughts, it all just needed to be acknowledged.
I’m imagining the three men sitting at a table while Buggy is just shrinking back in his seat because of how fast the pit in his stomach sunk.
They’re completely talking over him because he is of no consequence in this game of theirs. Buggy has no stake in this. No place at the table. Crocodile and Mihawk know it. Buggy knows it. But Reader doesn’t.
When Mihawk asks Reader to join him for an evening treat, they can’t easily turn away the powerful man. Plus, it’s not often they get to eat a well-plated charcuterie. Some fancy cheeses with all sorts of mold, dried meat imported from faraway places and animals, olives soaked in flavors that sound bizarre but somehow work, and a tart wine to wash it all down. Reader might be more accustomed to more common fare, but this is an opportunity worth taking. 
Then again, maybe not. When Buggy pops in, juggling a bag of salty chips, chocolates with an unknown amount of cocoa, and fizzy drinks, Reader wishes he would have agreed to sit next to them.
While Crocodile invites Reader to start the morning with a fresh cup of drip coffee (which is nearly as hot and strong as the man who brewed the drink), it sounds like a good way to get a headstart on the day’s tasks. Still, when they see Buggy walk past a little later - bedhead piled high, slippers shuffling on the ground, and the belt of his robe trailing behind - they feel a pang in their chest. Maybe it’s because of the caffeine content in the drink.
Anyways, Crocodile and Mihawk continue their game and Reader is collecting all the prizes. Simple but high quality jewelry. Dinners with linen napkins. Fancy trinkets that Reader is too nervous to take out of the packaging that seems to be as expensive as the item itself.
All nice, but sometimes Reader yearns for a stuffed animal instead. Accessories that might be described as gaudy. Or flashy. They want to hear obnoxiously loud laughter instead of a restrained chuckle. They want��
Him.
That sad wet hankie of a man. Not Crocodile, who foraged for mushrooms to use in a dinner for Reader. Or Mihawk, who lent Reader one of his favorite books.
Reader likes Buggy. The shining star. The guy who makes them laugh, simply by being himself. The guy who wears his emotions on his sleeve. Especially now, since he’s wiping away his tears and snot.
Sure, Buggy is a flashy fool. Reader is a fool too, if that’s their preference. And behind their overfilled tumblers of whiskey, Crocodile and Mihawk know that they’re fools, as well. 
How could their standards be so skewed that they fell for someone who likes an idiot? And yet, that’s part of Reader’s charm.
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ilostthewar · 1 day ago
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Dad!Ghost Angst because I like hurting my own feelings 🙂‍↕️
I’m also a sucker for dad!Simon, but I think Simon is really great being a dad to young kids, but that pre-teens and teens hit him out of left field.
It’s both easier and harder than he ever imagined to love and care for someone who is truly reliant on him. But It’s easy to be the best dad in the world when all he has to do is make toast with smiley faces and be their personal jungle gym. While his absences are felt, they can be easily described away without the need for deep conversation. “Daddy has to work” or “Daddy does really important things and it means he has to go.” And it’s a lot easier to make up missed events or days to a toddler who hardly has a sense of time in the first place. But that’s his baby, the only thing on this hellish planet that deserves everything. So he does his best to do right by them. And because of how his life is so engrained in the military, there’s no way to show how hard he fights to be there for the parts he can be there for.
Simon hears about how teens are hell, he should know, he was absolutely not any upstanding citizen when he was old enough to be out past the streetlights. But he never gave it too much concern, it was his kid and he would handle them however they came. But Simon realizes that he is the problem really early.
Simon always feels like he misses out. But this is different then wishing he was able to catch a recital from more than a crappy screen in the middle of nowhere. But it feels like every time he comes back from deployment his child always looks just a little bit different in a way he can’t describe. Their hair is cut in a new way, they’re trying out a new style, foods that he knew they loved isn’t even on their radar anymore, their opinions rapidly changing, relationships and hobbies rising and falling in their teenage angst. And Simon knows these are all normal, healthy things. It doesn’t change how far away he feels from his kid as they seem to morph into a newer version of themselves like the world’s slowest slideshow. And it doesn’t help that they have more questions about his job and the reality of it. And when they inevitably butt heads, it’s really clear that his kid is a Riley- Hotheaded and snarky. And Simon in a mix of dry and authoritative, used to dealing with that type of behavior without truly raising to their level. But sometimes it just simmers over time and at some point it’s hard to even address all the things within it.
I just think it would be a fun dynamic to explore.
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starryeyedstray · 2 days ago
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i forgot that i wrote this so its just been sitting in my drafts but here's my sloppy attempt at this idea hahahah
"You're Connor, aren't you? I've heard about you. The famous deviant hunter," Markus said. He looked Connor up and down. "Well congratulations. You seem to have found what you're looking for."
If Markus was being honest with himself, that congratulations was actually pretty genuine.
Yeah, he's heard about the deviant hunter alright. The infamous android that chased after deviants like a dog without a sense of smell. The poor android never seemed to be able to catch a break. Always making wrong deductions and clumsily tripping over himself.
Shaolin told him that he was certain he overheard the deviant hunter making wrong deductions left and right before being forced to leave without finding him in the attic. Kara noted a car grazed him twice while chasing after her and they were able easily able to evade him. Rupert commented that he was tripping over his own two feet and almost got eaten by a harvester. Echo mentioned that he almost shot Ripple, but he just point blank missed. George explained that the deviant hunter interrogated him and some other androids at Stratford Tower but gave up when he wasn't able to figure out that he was the deviant. Markus could only deduce that Connor managed to dispatch Daniel all those months ago out of sheer luck. Because by all accounts, Connor was just that incompetent. And it seemed to visibly frustrate the poor thing.
It was an understatement to say that Markus was impressed that Connor had actually accomplished something for the first time as a deviant hunter. Against all odds, he had managed to stumble his way here and hold Markus at gun point. But with Connor's track record, Markus had a feeling that this would be another failed mission.
Yeah, deviating him would be a cinch.
Ok but LISTEN!!
A Incompetent Connor fanfic, in which he doesn’t get decommissioned but somehow makes it to Jericho (let’s be real, Kamski just tells him where it is, he feels bad for Connor), and when Markus drops the „famous deviant hunter“ line, he must hold back an „oh, honey…“.
Because the deviants have been TALKING about Connor - talking about how they watched him look for them and not find a single clue and then walk away in defeat with a kicked puppy expression. They are all glad he didn’t find them, but damn, they all feel kinda bad for him because he is goddamn awful at his job and it seems to be genuinely upsetting to him.
Of course he deviates, but Markus isn’t letting him walk into the Cyberlife Tower. Connor talks about unlikely events taking place, but Markus knows his survival isn’t just unlikely, it’s impossible. So Connor sticks with Markus throughout the entire revolution, doesn’t really contribute to their win because he can’t even aim properly and ends up hurting androids without intending to, but his heart seems to be in the right place and Markus kinda likes him, because he is cute.
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gentlehue · 3 days ago
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the hogwarts houses — an analysis by cynthia
establishing the basics
important to remember throughout reading: there will ALWAYS be anomalies in all houses!! no one can be the perfect representation of a house because we're all humans which means we're a mix of anything and everything <3 this is simply how i personally see them
in harry potter, as far as i’m aware, the way the sorting hat picks what house you’re in isn’t clearly explained. a lot of people generally believe that their house is the one that matches their personality traits the most, and while in my version that is partially true, i think that there is an additional factor that plays into this
that factor is which house’s traits you value, not to be confused with which ones you particularly exhibit. you can value a gryffindor's ability to immediately act on their goals and dreams while also constantly being held back by procrastination yourself. in my opinion, this has a bit more influence on what hogwarts house you get put in than what your personality is like, simply because it explains why people like neville get into one house when they're 'so clearly suited' for another, as well as that it explains why many people seem to get into houses just because all their family members were in the same house. if you grow up around ravenclaws and view them as positive influences, its only natural for you to value ravenclaw traits the most
when deciding your hogwarts house, it is important to consider both how your own traits line up with the traits of the houses, and which house represents the traits you personally admire the most
for example: i consider myself to be a very ambitious person. i will do absolutely anything and everything to achieve my dreams, and for that, i could easily be put in slytherin. however, throughout my life, there is nothing i enjoyed and valued more than the pursuit of knowledge and creative expression. while both are core parts of who i am, my particular love for the latter (among other things you'll see later on) is what put me into ravenclaw
head vs heart houses
in my mind, the houses are divided into two groups: head houses and heart houses, with the head houses being slytherin and ravenclaw, and the heart houses being gryffindor and hufflepuff
head houses are characterised by their utilisation of their heads over their hearts. they tend to think things through more often and are very methodical, finding solace in their daily routines and rituals and constantly making to-do lists for every little thing. while that does mean that they're more on top of things and are able to stay disciplined for longer periods of time, they're also prone to procrastination due to an inability to visualise a clear path to their goals and thus being unable to actually start. they also tend to be more stubborn and opinionated, refusing to admit that they're wrong even when the evidence is right in front of them. head houses are excellent givers of advice and will gladly dish it out since their problem-solving nature means they probably thought of it before you even asked anyway
in comparison, members of heart houses tend to follow their hearts instead of their heads. they are extreme empaths and their loyalty knows no bounds, as they would do anything to protect a loved one, even if it means putting themselves in harm's way. they often don't think things through as much as they should, and while this is detrimental in some cases, it also can be the reason for their successes, since they don't have procrastination holding them back from achieving their goals the way head houses do. heart houses are also quite friendly and helpful, the exact type of people you can go to when you need a shoulder to cry on after a bad day or someone to celebrate your wins with you
note: slytherin > ravenclaw in terms of which is 'more' of a head house, hufflepuff > gryffindor in terms of which is 'more' of a heart house. spectrum from head to heart goes slytherin -> ravenclaw -> gryffindor -> hufflepuff. the two in the middle (gryffindor & ravenclaw) therefore fluctuate more than the two on the opposite sides of the spectrum (slytherin & hufflepuff)
a deep dive into the houses
slytherin: ambitious. cunning. can slip through any situation like water. will go to extreme lengths for the sake of their goals ("if there is a will, there is a way"). prefer to stick to their established groups. surprisingly good at both platonic and romantic matchmaking considering said lack of branching out. charismatic. make excellent event planners. see things exactly as they are and are rarely phased by this ("that's just how life is" mentality). value power and usually do have a powerful aura, even if they don't particularly see it themselves. are often 'naturals' at many things ("slytherin can help you on the path to greatness"). resourceful. extremely protective of their own. secretive and can keep other people's secrets very well. do want to be liked deep down, no matter how many times they deny it. pros at networking (slytherins are the #1 linkedin warriors trust)
ravenclaw: intelligent. imaginative. lovers of any and all knowledge, but have particular fields they're interested in. open-minded and rarely ever judgemental. creative. listen and analyse everything. extremely good at thinking outside of the box. eccentric and unafraid to be themselves. embrace people’s differences with ease. dreamers. quick learners. hate feeling ‘stuck’ but can be quite prone to it. have a knack for storytelling. extreme perfectionists. love defying stereotypes and proving people wrong. often quiet and private as they don’t see a need to publicly advertise everything they do (the type of friend you discover has a sibling after three years of friendship). some are hopeless romantics. bookworms. will do anything for praise and validation (but lowkey). nostalgic. you can tell they’ve been through multiple lives (“old souls”). very understanding.
gryffindor: brave. love with their entire being (fell first and harder trope). will do anything for praise and validation (but highkey). can be a little jealous sometimes. infectious spirit (if they’re happy you’re happy, if they’re sad you’re sad). fill up a room when they’re in it. don’t know how they’ll get things done but they get them done regardless. compassionate. quick to anger but also equally quick to forgive. tendency to help even if they know nothing about what they’re helping with (stems from a want to be needed). will always fight for what they think is right. love to mingle with people from other houses. protect those who cannot protect themselves. young at heart. determined. some have particularly large egos (the one quote that goes james had an ego the size of the great lake but a heart to match it). hate complaining and prefer to find solutions to their problems instead.
hufflepuff: kind. grounded in their emotions and who they are. dislike change. very hard working. indecisive. patient. value honesty and trust (gaining their trust takes work, and losing it means you’ll never get it back). don’t sugarcoat things for others (better to deal with the hard truth than live a lie). extreme hobbyists. love making themselves busy, hate sitting idly doing nothing. will seek justice on their and your own behalf. very good wing(wo)men. fiercely loyal (can result in them being very biased against the opposing side). bad at planning surprises. have the strongest moral compass (hence so many of them staying behind during the battle of hogwarts). humble. can be a little naive sometimes. tend to easily overwork themselves. really good physical and emotional healers. a lot are social butterflies.
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cherrribun · 2 days ago
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can i request the twst first years with a yuu!reader whos a pothead? :3
TWST First years x Stoner!Reader
hiphip hooray, thanks for my first ask anon 😋😋. this is super silly cus i got the notif for it when i was high lol!!
characters: first years (no ortho, sorey!)
warnings: lots of drug usage, mentions and mild descriptions of greening out
a/n: i got carried away with deuce, pardon that he got more love lol. readers gender is unspecified!
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Ace Trappola
-oh he is absolutely geeked about it
-despite never having personally tried it, ace most definitely has always wanted to try it
-so when you eventually let him know about your habits, he's basically begging you to let him try it
-should you hang it over his head, he will swear to have grim stay with him so you can have nights alone
-sold!!
-he got excited and greened out first time
-you were mortified when he suddenly, like the flick of a switch, was laying flat on his back, enjoying the high, very suddenly freaking out
-you had to escort him personally to riddle to get help, who was not pleased you guys were smoking in the dorms
-after aces bad trip, he is childishly against it for a while
-anytime you smoke he covers his nose and swats at you
-after like 2 months hes rearing to try it again
-yeah he greens out again (sucker)
-but he definitely is the type to wear self proclaimed “weed merch” and calls himself a stoner, the fraud. dont worry, you thoroughly embarrass him about it
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Deuce Spade
-deuce quite honestly would not like it at least initially
-poor boy is trying to overcome his delinquency, your weed smoking tempts him like fish on a lure
-he likely would've actually smoked before. easily so in his days of picking fights and skipping class
-safe to say he folds after one conversation about it
-although at first hesitant to join you, he very quickly changes his tune when he smokes again for the first time
-this boy, bless his heart, is insufferable to be around when hes high
-hes one of those people with the strand will absolutely babble non stop, giggling persistently at the way grim gets mad at him. the type to have a huge, dopey smile at all times
-he probably provokes the cat incessantly, just to absolutely lose his mind with a giggle fit
-he's absolutely takes up any offers to smoke with you, but strictly when hes got a few hours to spare
-he keeps his own stash after mooching off you (you caught him smoking your cart without permission and banned him from your room, which he simply could not have)
-good luck if he gets sativa, you wont know peace for the next few hours
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Jack Howl
-being the total meathead (/lh) jack can be, upon the revelation you are a stoner, he lectures you on the health risks of smoking
-he would be no fun, and would likely get upset if you smoked around him in fear he wouldn’t be able to qualify for spell drive!
-maybe even gets to the point where he wants you to stop, going far enough to find your cart/stash and flushing it
-rude ass bitch
-you probably got into it with him when this happened, a very long argument ensuing
-eventually, he comes to an agreement to simply not be around you when you’re actively inhaling smoke
-hes got to take time to learn that weed wont kill you, and isn't anything like a strong drug
-dont get your hopes up for him to smoke with you ever, he absolutely will not. sorry jack nation
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Sebek Zigvolt
-sebek is a bit of an interesting case
-he probably discovered your smoking habits before you decided to tell him
-he most definitely views smoking as a lesser human thing, and turns his nose up at such actions
-he probably gets into a bad mood when you smoke at first
-turning his nose up, and making a little bit of a scene as he walks away, grumbling about inferior humans
-lilia changes his attitude real fast
-he got a scolding and is sent back to you like a kid post tantrum
-after this little interaction, he doesn't really even bat an eye when you smoke around him
-sebeks a bit of a weirdo, and would honestly enjoy the smell of the weed as long as its not one of those gross flavored kinds
-i dont think he could ever bring himself to smoke, hes got too much pride to lower himself to being fully human
-but he definitely likes how you get so affectionate, laying on his lap, giggling when he enters the room
-hes alot more whipped than one might think, hes just got walls higher than the sky
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Epel Felmier
-epel is a bit naive to weed, not that he doesn't know what it is or anything, he just never really thinks about things like that
-pomefiore kids are much more busy with. idk, makeup
-when you start actively smoking around him, his interest is piqued
-he observes you, interested in how you relax, and the amount of food you can shovel down your throat
-and of course, he wonders
-epel will ask questions, wanting to know why you love smoking so much
-you tell him to just try it
-and boy oh boy, he absolutely loves it
-hes a sleepy high, absolutely knocking tf out when he first smokes. the deepest sleep hes ever experienced
-when he wakes up the next morning, he enthusiastically lets you know he gets it now
-don't imagine hes a stoner, persay, he would be a more party smoker. but the party is you. so, he smokes a good amount
-he can often be found dozing on you while you're both high, some bad tv playing in the background, while you devour snacks
-yeah, hes crazy down with it
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wei-ying-kexing-apologist · 11 hours ago
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Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus
For those of you who don’t know, I decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus, which is comprised of 9 units. I have completed four of the units (here is my queer cinema syllabus round up post with all the films I’ve watched and written about so far). It is time for me to make my way through Unit 6- Gems, which includes the following films: Big Eden, Shelter, Weekend, Private Romeo, Were the World Mine, The Birdcage, Make the Yuletide Gay, The Sum of Us, Boy Erased, Boys, Summer Storm, C.R.A.Z.Y., North Sea Texas, Saturday Church, Boy Meets Girl, The Adventers of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Too Wong Foo Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar.
Today I will be watching:
Big Eden (2000) dir. Thomas Bezucha
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[Run Time: 1h 58m, Language: English]
Summary: A thirty-something gay guy, Henry Hart, returns to his childhood Montana home to confront his unrequited passion for his high school best friend.
Cast: - Arye Gross as Henry Hart - Eric Schweig as Pike Dexter - Tim DeKay as Dean Stewart - George Coe as Sam "Sampa" Hart
IT WAS BIG EDEN DAY Y’ALL!!!!! DON'T LET THE STARS GET IN YOUR EYES, DON'T LET THE MOON BREAK YOUR HEART!!!!
When I saw this was on Ben’s syllabus I was so fucking excited because this is one of my favorite movies of all time. Listen, I have watched plenty of movies plenty of times, but this is one of the few films that I have seen where I legitimately watched it back to back. Like, fully the first time that I watched it I immediately started it back over because this film is a drug to me. 
Simply put this is a kind film that is just packed full of love and I am so grateful that we have some stories set in a very small town where homophobia is not a concern. We talk about the bubble in BL a lot and this film is kinda like a bubble show, but Henry’s very clear hesitation to tell Sampa that he is queer is a good way to still hint at the fact that homophobia does exist in this world and that Big Eden just doesn’t really do that. In this day and age with the current political climate being what it is, it is just comforting to be able to see a bunch of older cishet white men get thoroughly invested in helping Pike get his man. 
I LOVE THIS FILM. 
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gif by @ballumville
It is really hard to talk about this film because every time I think about it legitimately I just get heart eyes and cease to put on an analytical brain about it. But now that I have to write about it, I gotta try to get some level of coherent thought out of it. 
The dichotomy between Dean and Pike is such a fascinating part of this film for me because Dean is straight and thus more openly affectionate with Henry and Pike is queer and therefore ready to run away every chance he gets when the boy he likes is in the room. I love this exploration Dean has around his own sexuality insofar as it is clear that he deeply loves Henry, but that that love is at the end of the day platonic and familial. But Dean kisses Henry in this movie. Like he tries so hard to give Henry what he wants because he knows how much Henry has been suffering from the two-decade crush Henry has had on him. It is one of my favorite aspects of this film. Whenever I sit down to watch it, I never feel like Dean is queer and just scared to pursue it, I feel like he is straight and is trying to pursue queerness because of how much he cares for Henry.
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gif by @ober-affen-geil
But he just can’t. And that is heartbreaking to watch because Henry and Dean both know it from the start, but Dean is trying desperately to do whatever he can to keep Henry in his life, and to give him comfort. Thinking of this film in the context of this syllabus which is a lead up to BL, so many BLs have the general trope of “straight except for you” and though this film is not BL it could have very easily fallen in to that same category of Dean actually being queer by the end of the film, and I am really glad that they still allowed his straightness to exist.
Pike on the other hand, is very aware that he is queer, and he also deeply loves Henry, but in the romantic sense. And Pike is just a generally quiet and shy person compared to Dean. But whenever he and Henry are in the same room it looks like he is in physical pain being there, and that is so fucking fun to watch. This man is down bad. This man learns to cook and doesn’t tell Henry about it because he is just 6’2” of unadulterated devotion. I love whenever a story employs the concept of “food as love” and to see Pike work on continuously more complex dishes as his love for Henry continues to escalate just makes me want to scream. I love this man so much. I love him so much and I am so glad that he gets the guy at the end, because though I am not the biggest fan of Henry myself, all I could ever hope for in the history of the world is Pike’s happiness. 
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God there are just so many incredible relationship dynamics in this film. The way that Sampa knows that Henry is queer and is just waiting for him to tell him, the way that Sampa tries on multiple occasions to open the door and allow Henry space to come out. As someone whose parent confronted me about my own queerness and forced a conversation that neither of us was ready to have, I have such intense respect for the way that Sampa handled the last conversation he and Henry had about it. The way that he let Henry know that he knows and he is okay with it without coming right out to say it, without forcing the conversation, and honestly in my opinion, absolving Henry of the need to come out to him if he was too scared to do so. I know Henry still regrets not telling Sampa he is gay before Sam passed, but I also know at that point he didn’t have to. 
And I just have to give a shout out to Jim. Jim really is just sitting there holding Pike’s hand the whole way through trying to nudge him along until he gets what he wants. He knows that Pike is shy and he knows that Pike is scared, and is going to do whatever he can to get Pike to take the bigger risks. All the beloved old farts that park themselves in front of the general store every day are not so subtly, subtly push these two together. 
And of course, I just have to give a shout out to Widow Thayer for how she lets Henry know that she knows that he’s gay by inviting a fuck ton of gay men in to Henry’s home for a social gathering. The look on Henry’s face when he realizes what is happening is absolutely priceless.
All this to say, the film is a warm hug and everyone should watch it.
Favorite Moment 
Okay so the thing is there are a ton of great moments in the film, and before I talk about my absolute favorite one, I need to shout out the Thanksgiving fight between Dean and Henry because it is so good and so devastating “Screw you Henry Hart, I do know what love is. You. You are my family.” HELLO???????????????? Stabbing me in the chest would hurt less. 
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gif by @tvandfilm
BUT. I think the award of WYKA’s favorite Big Eden scene is Jim’s conversation with Pike. The way he already bodied Pike in the “I’m just cooking food here.” “If only that were true.” conversation was excellent. But this is fundamentally a film about loving and being loved, and so my favorite scene is the one where Jim is trying to get Pike to stop delivering his love to Henry anonymously. The conversation Jim and Pike have where Pike is still vehemently trying to deny that he has feelings for Henry by telling Jim “I just want things to be nice for him,” Which? DEVASTATING. THAT LINE IS A GUT PUNCH EVERY FUCKING TIME I HEAR IT. To have Jim’s response be “The thing is Pike, we want things to be nice for you too, buddy.” It is so clear to me how important Pike is to the community, but to Jim and the rest of his posse especially. I just love that Jim takes the time to try to remind Pike that taking care of Henry quietly from the sidelines is just going to leave Pike continuously hurt, because how is Henry supposed to know that Pike cares about him when he is constantly fleeing the room whenever they are in the same space and when he lets Henry think that Widow Thayer is the one that is making all that food for him. 
Have I mentioned that I love Pike Dexter?
Favorite Quote
“Did I teach you shame? Did I teach you that? Cause it would break my heart if I had.” 
Sampa loves Henry and he wants Henry to know that he is a safe person to talk to, that he knows Henry is queer and keeping it from him, and that he wants Henry to tell him. This line also makes me so sad all the time because I know that it’s not true. That Sampa did not teach Henry shame, and I feel so badly that Henry’s (very reasonable) fear of coming out to the only living family member that he has left has placed Sampa in a position where he is worried that he has failed to make Henry feel safe and secure in who he is. 
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gif by @thegirlbehindthegasmask
Score 
10/10
Is this actually a perfect movie? Fuck no. There are plenty of things I could nitpick with it, including the fact that I genuinely do not like Henry all that much as far as characters go. BUT. Every single time I watch this movie I am just overflowing with joy, and thus I will not be objective about the quality of the film. 
THIS FILM IS PERFECT BECAUSE PIKE DEXTER IS IN IT AND YOU WILL NEVER CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!!
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adastra121 · 15 hours ago
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Jin the Abandoned Alchemist
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I redesigned my Alchemist!MC again.
Pronouns: He/Him Birthday: September 13 Height: 5’7 / 171 cm Personality: Gentle, awkward nerd trying his best Likes: Books, libraries, gardening, tea, sewing, learning new things (especially of the magic variety), cuddles Dislikes: Hurting people, cruelty, spicy food, the cold, lies, public speaking, running Fatal flaw: Often lets his past and self-doubt consume him. Other: Carries around a small rabbit plush named Aster that he made when he was younger. He’ll eventually give her to his love interest as a good luck charm (enchanted with a small protection spell, too — yes, this boy would give a protective charm to an eldritch horror because he genuinely worries for their safety) if they’re close enough  Yes, this was 100% inspired by Hades Quote: “I don’t believe this was covered in my studies…Well, trial and error is a perfectly valid method of learning.”
More about him below:
His full name would be Yuán Jīnhàn (原金翰). His name was shortened to "Jin" after he was taken in by his magic mentor, Minerva.
Jin is kindhearted, gentle, inquisitive, curious and a bit naive from his sheltered upbringing. He’s always yearned for adventure, but never believed it was possible with his curse. Now, he finally gets his wish, though he had little choice in the matter.
Very socially awkward and easily flustered due to his lack of experience interacting with other people. And now, with his mentor’s betrayal, he’s a bit more reserved, unsure of who to trust.
Usually non-confrontational but quietly sassy. Most of his sarcastic comments are just either in his head or muttered under his breath, but Ais might bring that side out of him more — usually by provoking him.
Jin calls him “Ais-hole” in his head. He’s aware that it’s not a particularly witty or even good insult, but it makes him feel better when the latter annoys him.
Book smart and street dumb
Jin tends to see the best in people, even to his own detriment.
Has avoided touch like the plague. He’s always careful not to get too physically close to someone, and because of this, he’s usually very observant and aware of his space. Not that he doesn’t crave physical affection. He definitely burst into tears when touching Leander for the first time.
This poor boy is touchstarved (ha) but he’ll never ask for physical affection, for fear of either, at worst, hurting someone or at best, being a nuisance.
He also struggles with a lot of guilt for craving touch since he knows it’s dangerous to other people and it’s selfish to yearn for things that put other people in danger, right?
It's why "cuddles" is scribbled out of his Likes section. It's something he doesn't feel like he's allowed to want.
I'm not sure whether this is canon or not, but I wrote his curse as gradually growing, both in surface area and in power. When he was an infant, the curse was only in his fingertips and it didn't make anyone lose their minds. One touch would bring horrible, unmentionable thoughts but those thoughts would pass.
As he grew older, the curse spread from his fingers to his palms to his hands, up his forearms and his elbows. Its effects also grew in intensity. What was a horrible, but instantaneous thought became one minute of terror, then two, then an hour, and so on, and the nature of them grew worse. Currently, it dooms anyone it touches.
And the curse is spreading still. Jin views his curse as a ticking time bomb, so he is desperate to find a cure as soon as possible. He doesn't know what will happen when it consumes him entirely. He is terrified of becoming a monster.
He used to have dark brown eyes, but the curse made his eyes gold. His left sclera has taken on the dark grey and the gold veins of the curse. I imagine that when — if — he is cured, they'll turn back to their original brown.
Adores plants and plushes — soft things that he’s able to touch without hurting. He has a small stuffed rabbit named Aster that he made when he was younger, one of the first things he’s sewn. She has a hidden pocket to carry herbs or small potion bottles. He places lavender and chamomile in Aster when he has trouble sleeping.
He's a bit embarrassed about his love for plush toys. His old magic mentor found his fixation undignified. And really, he shouldn't be needing or craving such creature comforts, as if he was still a child.
He has his plants, though. That's something useful and conducive to his studies.
He talks to his plants sometimes when gardening. “You wouldn’t go mad on me, would you, matricaria chamomilla? … Although, since I’m currently talking to a plant, you’re probably not the one I have to worry about going mad.”
Before coming to Eridia, he used to grow and make his own tea blends. If he wasn’t an alchemist, he wouldn’t mind opening a tea shop.
His spellbook was given to him by his old mentor. It acts as a notebook for magic studies and research, but he also uses it as a diary, somewhere to doodle and write down his thoughts.
He has some trauma surrounding magic, considering that it was a big part of his relationship with his mentor, but he genuinely loves learning and mastering it. He’s always believed himself to be a burden, but magic is something that he can use to actually help others instead of harm them. Despite everything that’s happened, he can’t help believing he owes that gift to his old mentor.
The Senobium always sounded like a dream to him, so hearing that there is darkness beneath the promises of knowledge and wisdom and history is extremely disappointing, to say the least. He’d had hopes of eventually becoming a student.
Aside from matters of his curse, he tries to be as honest and sincere as he can be. Eridia is a city that runs on information, but he chooses to freely give what information he can. He doesn’t believe in withholding answers that could help someone in need. And that is part of how he loses faith in the Senobium after discovering that they’ve closed their gates. All the knowledge of the world, locked away as people suffer, and for what?
This is also probably influenced by his mentor’s betrayal, having been lied to his entire life inclines him to prefer the truth, whatever the cost.
Sometimes, he regrets running away. Was he too hasty? Was he selfish? He was hurt when he learned her true plans for him, but maybe he owed it to her. A small thing to repay the mage who had taken him in. If all he brought was pain and terror, what was a bit of suffering on his part for answers?
And then, he also honestly misses her. He can't say the mage was a bad person, she gave him a home. She practically raised him. She taught him magic. And she made him feel not alone. She cared for him, and he doesn’t believe it was an act — at least, not all of it.
His zodiac sign is Virgo
MBTI is INFJ
Enneagram is 9w1
Here is his full new design:
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I'm quite happy with it! I think the new silhouette and added magical alchemy tools suit him well. I also gave him a cloak closer to the description in the demo.
Songs I associate with him:
"Wanderer's Lullaby" by Adriana Figueroa I imagine his Minerva used to sing this to him when he was a child.
"The Moon Will Sing" by The Crane Wives Mourning the relationship he lost from his mentor's betrayal. As broken as it was, they were both less alone.
"How to Be Invisible" by Kate Bush Jin's character theme. I like how the song's arranged like following a recipe, it's fitting for the alchemist part of his character.
"Ruin" by The Amazing Devil Jin's love theme.
"Light of Nibel" by Gareth Coker ft. Aeralie Brighton Jin's battle theme.
"Show Yourself" by Idina Menzel and Evan Rachel Wood Could be another character theme, though I think learning the secret of his curse won't be as hopeful and uplifting.
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wilanserulia · 2 days ago
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I have some considerations about shipping, if you'd entertain me.
I usually stick to my OCs, but lately I've been trying to lean more into drawing fanart. But when a friend asked me if I was going to draw something for FF7, since I've been playing Rebirth this last month, I said no. Final Fantasy VII is an incredibly popular game, I didn't feel like I needed to add my own little fanart to the thousands of thousands already out there.
But then, about 120 hours deep into the game, I got to this scene, and I changed my mind.
I'd like to ramble about it under the cut. Spoilers, of course.
Having played the original Final Fantasy VII back on PlayStation 1 means I've been able to witness the shipping wars for over 25 years. Countless fans facing off in online battlefields, fighting over whether Tifa or Aerith was the "correct" choice for Cloud.
My feelings on the matter are... complicated.
I usually avoid weighing in, because the whole discourse feels flawed in its premise. Granted, maybe my mindset is probably why I could never quite get behind the idea of shipping in general. The conversation is always so... narrow, so close-minded. Human beings are complex individuals, they're complicated and illogical on the best of days, let alone on matters as complex as affection and feelings.
But the way you hear people talk online, you'd think there is only one moment in time, only one true love, only one singular experience, and everything else is invalid, a red herring, a mistake.
Case in point, I believe that for many reasons Aerith and Cloud make a pretty cute couple. And Tifa and Cloud also make a pretty nice couple. Aerith and Zack? Lovely couple. And I believe the breath of FFVII's story is wide enough to allow for all of these to be true, for neither of these to contradict the others.
Because the world is complicated and life is short, and we all bumble through it trying to set aside as much happiness as we can for ourselves, trying to find love in a world where no one is specifically made for another.
Cloud and Tifa have history together. They eventually end up with one another and I think they're a good couple, they complement each other, they look out for each other, they understand each other on a level that others can't.
But dear god, not for a lot of the story they aren't.
They each have their own problems, their own troubles, their own ghosts, neither of them is in the right headspace to commit to a relationship. If we consider the events covered by Remake and Rebirth, they have as much trouble approaching one another as they find it easy to feel familiarity. Had they tried anything at this point it would have been a mess.
I never played Crisis Core so I never had a chance to see their dynamic firsthand, but from everything I've seen of Zack and Aerith in the main game they'd probably look adorable together. They're both very optimistic and energetic and they'd likely easily bounce off each other. They look like they have a similar and very compatible love language. The relationship clearly meant a lot to Aerith, and it's easy to tell from the way she reminisces about it during the game.
And yet she hasn't seen him in... what? Over five years?
At this point of the story, no matter what chemistry they might have had, whether Zack has died or is just ghosting her for whatever reason, Aerith is probably just trying to move on.
Granted it's a bit unbalanced, Aerith is taking the most of the burden to make this relationship work, but once she gets things going Cloud is a surprisingly caring and affectionate person. He has severe trouble displaying it, but he looks after her in many understated ways and he always finds himself humoring Aerith's many requests, allowing himself to be pushed way outside his comfort zone to a degree that he doesn't reserve for anybody else, letting her drag him onto date after date, making a show to be too cool for it all but nonetheless enjoying the warmth of her company.
While a vague resemblance is what sparks Aerith's interest for Cloud, what she really latches on is her intuition that there's another Cloud, a "real" Cloud, hidden somewhere deep down. Whether it's due to her connection to the Lifestream or by virtue of being a very empathetic person, Aerith has made it her mission to pull out this more innocent, more genuine, easygoing, caring, and even goofier Cloud out of the depth of his psyche where he's been locked away.
She is relentless and doesn't take no for an answer.
And even though Cloud keeps up his tough boy charade with everyone (with the occasional hiccup), Aerith is the only one who succeeds in pulling him out of his shell.
Of course it won't last between them. It can't. Maybe in another life, maybe at another time, but in this it was never meant to work.
Their final moments together are melancholic, and the consequences will be scarring, but their time together is precious, for the both of them. And Rebirth captures it all in such a beautiful way. After playing through that one last date, in that surreal dreamscape, I was so touched that I felt like I simply had to draw it.
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One Last Date
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reallyhardydraws · 2 months ago
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i overhauled my old ronnie dress up doll via @meikerio !
i tried to keep the same or similar items in her wardrobe to the old version, (but there were some i just genuinely didn't like enough anymore 😅) and then i added more pieces. like a lot more.
her wardrobe is very full now -- and i hope you enjoy dressing her up! feel free to share your outfit combos for her with me too.
[play here! 🧛‍♀️🍓💟🌟☂️]
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maironsbigboobs · 1 year ago
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re: elf servants
I think generally there are servants in royal/noble households simply for practical reasons and they generally fall into 2 categories: specialised servants (think, stewards and messengers and scribes, masters of horses or kennels, that kind of thing) and servants who help with the upkeep of the household (cleaning, repairs, cooking and also the apprentices and assistants of specialised servants)
specialised servants are probably quite prestigious roles and fields of industry in their own right, and they are considered full members of a household, and probably are closely linked to the person they serve - it's as much a political and social statement to be Finwe's chief scribe as it is an economic one
but the second category are more associated with the house than the family living in it - for example, Finwe's palace in Tirion would function both as a home and a diplomatic and administrative centre, it would be impossible for him to rule and keep up with chores himself. But Fingolfin's personal home would probably not have any full-time servants - when there more people than usual to feed or house then professionals might be hired, but for the most part I imagine the day to day is done by the family (made possible by the fact elves sleep and eat less than humans)
IRL domestic service (at least in the 18th century) often functioned as a kind of prep stage for adult life (for women in particular, but gender is probably not as big a factor for elves) and I could definitely see this in Valinor - domestic servants being 80% elves between 50-100 who haven't chosen an apprenticeship or similar in another field who are earning extra money to set up their own households, getting experience outside of the family, meeting others in their own ae cohort, learning independence etc. It's a job that comes with the offer of room and board + the wages a king/prince/lord can provide. Not glamorous, but not terrible.
The other 20% is made up of professional servants - experienced elves who are genuinely like the work and are contracted workers as much as a builder or gardener might be. Some of them might be independent and others part of businesses set up by other elves who are really into cooking/cleaning etc.
In Beleriand the situation (for the exiles at least) is probably very different, though I think there would be attempts to adapt the system - but there aren't as many households that need servants and there aren't as many young elves.
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twinklefantasia · 9 months ago
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on one hand wanting them to bring over features from style savvy
on the other hand wanting fashion dreamer to be able to be its own game....
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equalperson · 2 months ago
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sometimes I believe that My tendency to avoid telling My family when I'm having health issues is just the result of avoidant cognitive distortions, but then I actually do it, get told that it's "normal" and/or a lifestyle issue, and realize the real cognitive distortion was expecting help at all -_-
#personal#I'm struggling to breathe and My heart rate is high. inhaler doesn't help. go tell My mom about it and she says#1. try again. 2. drink water. 3. eat a mint. 4. I'm getting fat#and then last time I told her about this same issue she said#1. I have anxiety from too much silence (I'm auditorily hypersensitive? noise gives Me anxiety not the other way around)#2. I'm so sedentary that it's only natural that standing up would give Me tachycardia (I obviously stand up multiple times a day everyday)#3. I don't need a therapist (which I've been asking for) I need a physician#and it's just a ton of excuses to deny what I'm saying. because how is it just in My head but I need a physician?? make up your mind#am I crazy or sick. it's literally just whatever makes Me look like I need the least intervention in that moment#medical neglect is a bitch man. it's not even that she doesn't want Me to be healthy. she absolutely does#but she just never wants to believe that it's THAT bad. I can't have anxiety because it's just cabin fever#I can't be delusional because I'm just spiritually gifted. I can't have an arrhythmia because I'm just fat. so on and so forth#she constantly doubts that I'm doing anything for My health on My own (I literally asked for a fitness boxing game this christmas#and yet she doesn't believe that I exercise in My own time until I outright tell her)#and never believes that I'm suffering beyond something that can easily be solved. it's so patronizing#she acts like I've never heard of breathing exercises for anxiety or exercise for hypertension. everyone knows that!!#you acknowledge that I know so much EXCEPT when Me being knowledgeable on a subject would mean that I'd be able to recognize when My health#is failing. once she said she thought I had hypochondria as a child and I increasingly believe that influences how she sees My health today#she said she never told a doctor because she didn't want Me to be dismissed in adulthood and yet she does that same thing to Me#and honestly I do get anxious about My health! I developed contamination OCD when I was fucking eight!#but that doesn't mean that I'm just being compulsive whenever I suggest a need for medical/psychiatric attention!
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prettyboykatsuki · 1 year ago
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i have many many many critiques about wylls story, most of them being about the fact it's just so lackluster in game when compared to other companions which is a shame. because wyll to me is and has the potential to be an even more emotionally compelling companion. and he was early access!! he was so gritty in ea please bring him back larian i beg of thee. the way he was rewritten has stripped him of so much nuance and depth. wyll to me is such a wonderful character to me because of what he represents, which is heroism so down to his core he never gives up on it even when he ought to
his goodwill and nobility are ceaseless. at the center of his story is betrayal trauma, his agency over himself vanished into thin air. mizora turns him into a monster and there is no turning back. he has become the thing he's despised, the things he's hunted for his entire life. and we know so little about that canonically because of the way his story is set up but its hinted time and time again that he struggles with his reality deeply and even that cannot make him turn away from the city he loves so much.
if larian would go back to clean up and fix his story (which im truly praying to god they do) i want them to touch on what wyll must be going through as he continues to try to ground himself and deal with his newfound reality. i want them to touch on the abandonment he experiences because of his father and the inevitable burden his title as blade and hero has on him. because these things obviously compel him, they're hinted at all the time but they were completely stripped of him in final release and its fucking disheartening... larian please im begging you. thats the love of my life. please.
but for now i will do it with fanfiction and gather enough wyll fans to make a fuss about it . peace and love
#aristotle.txt#wyll ravengard#bg3#i love wyll so desperately. which makes sense as a deku lover certainly.#but i love him even more because his story is narratively interesting#here is a classically heroic noble making a devils pact to save his city#who is only rewarded for doing this by being banished from the city hes sworn to protect. by his father no less.#he spends seven years away from home and makes a name for himself as a fucking folk hero#he never returns. he doesn't explain himself. he decides that the least he can do is give his life to the sword coast#and then wyll meets karlach. a devil hes supposed to kill except shes not#and because wyll is wyll and because what matters to him most are his beliefs he is easily convinced to not kill karlach. he doesnt want to#kill karlach. so he doesn't. and he pays the price for it. his entire existence is uprooted and he is turned permanently into a partial#devil#hes become his own prey. he spends the game clearly sorrowful in the mourning process. and the game just refuses to touch on this set up#as a WRITER it boggles my mind why wyll does not get that attention from larian because the concept of a hero balancing the weight of his#own pain and sorrow against his beliefs is moving. being able to open up that path with tav narratively that allows wyll to be#selfish and heartbroken. to not be blade or sword. just wyll. what a beautifully interesting storyline would that have made#i have delusion in my heart. i hope they fix it. i want them to fix it so badly because i fucking adore wyll in every way.#and i want the game to represent who he is as much as i feel for him. he is an origin companion and deserves it.#bg3 spoilers
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lightblueminecraftorchid · 4 months ago
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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