#and being able to make my own SO easily is just. A+++

[petiolata]

Some of these are accurate/useful, others less so.

The gaslighting is one that gets it wrong imo--whether someone is just disagreeing with benign intention over what happened, or is trying to make you feel crazy, is not something that can always easily be determined, since we can't read the mind of the person disagreeing. So as a third party telling someone "You're wrong if you feel that was gaslighting" is irresponsible at best. At worst, *you* are wrong and now you've actively helped strengthen a gaslighter's attempt to make a victim doubt their own perceptions and sanity.

The definition of trauma there is also simplistic and fails to consider how the brain perceives negative events. Whoever made the graphic would be well-served by learning about the distinction between "small t trauma" and "large t trauma" (sometimes called by other terms).

Tbf, much of this is about chronic buildup of small events, so you could argue the original infographic is correct that "a single small hurtful event does not always cause trauma" *but* that doesn't change the fact that it's framing the discussion around trauma as single-events in isolation, and that is a huge disservice in itself. Complex trauma (caused by chronic repeated events, many of them small) is common and is the kind most survivors of childhood abuse and neglect have.

The definition provided would exclude most survivors of childhood abuse because it *was* their ordinary level of adversity, and many were able to cope--maladaptively, but still coping nonetheless.

Someone who survived a tornado or shooting may see themselves in that definition--a single hugely overwhelming event that stands out as incredible adversity compared to their regular life--but someone who was treated as worthless by their parents and their spouse every day of their life likely will not. Yet they are, nonetheless, a person who has experienced trauma.

Being told you're worthless every day may not be overwhelming in any single day but has a cumulative effect on a person's mind nonetheless.

I don't think that the definition of trauma there in that infographic is useful or good. Some parts of it may not be untrue, but taken as a whole it fails to give an accurate picture of what trauma is or how it works.

Anyway, that is my interpretation and reaction to the infographic OP shared. No one has to like or agree with my take.

ETA: it's worth pointing out that despite the claim of "actual psychology" the infographic was not made by a therapist or anyone qualified on mental health. "Igototherapy" is an Insta account that's entire schtick seems to be making low-effort mental health graphics in an attempt to drive traffic to their affiliate links for buying earbuds, DLing psych apps, and signing up through therapy networks.

found this today

Please use these terms correctly. Not doing so will deeply harm the people who actually have experienced trauma, gaslighting, triggers, and people who have NPD.

[avelera]

So apparently, Fortiche shared concept art where Jayce's Hexcorization in the cave would extend all the way to his face:

And this is really interesting to me from a narrative perspective, here's why:

Much of S2 Jayce's arc is incredibly... punitive. Like, he is really being punished step by step for everything he did wrong in S1. From Renni terrorizing and almost killing him for the death of her son, to Viktor leaving him "for another woman" (the Hexcore as represented by Sky) much like Jayce left him for politics as represented by Mel, there's really a sense of the narrative not only tearing Jayce down to his bare essentials (something that's very common for TV writing to do, by the way, it's very common that you want to see characters reduced down to who they are for their "long night of the soul" moment before they learn the lessons of what they really stand for before going into the climax armed with those lessons), but Jayce's time in the cave really goes even further than that and not only does S2 take away his political career, his Hextech ambitions, his state as someone able-bodied, much of his strength, and certain other gifts, it looks like in this draft they considered taking away his beauty too.

I think it would have been interesting either way if they had, but I want to dive into the narrative structure of action and punishment in Arcane, why Hexcorizing Jayce's face might have been a step too far and not really addressed a lesson he needed to learn, and my thoughts on punitive character arcs in general in Arcane (or lack thereof), specifically with regards to Jayce and Caitlyn.

I've mentioned elsewhere that I always found it interesting that much of the hate directed towards Jayce by the fans was for his perceived incompetence in difficult moments, rather than at how naturally gifted he seems to be at everything.

When I first watched S1 on my own, I thought Jayce was a bit unbearable because everything comes so easily to him (after Viktor becomes his partner and Hextech takes off as a result, that is). He is naturally beautiful, he's built like a god but doesn't appear to do any sort of exercise routine to maintain this other than working in the forge, he becomes the Man of Progress and rockstar of Piltover pretty much without trying, girls are literally sighing dreamily as he goes by.

He's also naturally a genius, from what we see, revolutionizing multiple industries with one invention. Even his rescue as a child is a literal miracle and it spurs him to create an invention that makes him a rockstar. When he enters politics, he immediately dominates, to the point where he's able to get a unanimous vote to overthrow the founder of the city within weeks of going there. Even in battle he's naturally gifted and naturally lucky during the raid of the Shimmer factory (up until the death of Renni's son), even though he has no prior skills as far as we know. He also wins the love of arguably the most beautiful woman in the series, again, seemingly without trying.

Then, S2 doesn't just take all of this away from him, it seems to go a step further into actually punishing Jayce for how easy and miraculous his life was in S1.

I'm of two minds about the Hexcorization reaching his face, but I have a hypothesis. I think it would have looked fucking rad but, I kinda get why they didn't do it:

Because Jayce's good looks are not something he can control, unlike the other things the narrative punishes him for.

Insofar as he can control his looks, he gives up on the clean-cut, immaculate "Golden Boy" image. Even in the idealized astral plane, he keeps most of the marks of his time in the pit like his hair and beard. I think it's because Jayce likes who he became down there. The clean-cut version of him was always the mask of him trying to please others, Jayce's appearance after he emerges from the cave is him shedding the opinions of others (contrast this with how Viktor idealizes himself in the astral plane, removing all marks of his illness. This isn't a criticism, just an interesting point of contrast).

So basically, my theory is Fortiche may have pulled back on Hexcorizing Jayce's face on the one hand to soften the visuals a bit, but secondly because it keeps the focus on punishing Jayce for things he chose to do, rather than things he doesn't really have control over.

But make no mistake, the narrative comes down hard on Jayce in S2, for every little thing the fans could and often did hate him for in S1. He pays for all of them, arguably in excess of what he maybe deserved, since as he says he didn't ask for any of this. But he did go along with it, and there's where the hammer of consequence (quite literally) comes down on him, tears away all his privileges, drags him down to literally the level of Viktor when he first left the undercity and says, "You have to do it all again but now focused on what really matters, and it's going to be ten times harder than it ever was."

This, in my opinion, is why Jayce is so popular coming out of S2. It is a hell of an arc, it's a hell of a redemption! You gave the man everything any man could want, then you took it all away, and then as his crowning moment of showing he has truly learned these lessons and made up for his mistakes, he makes possibly the most loving gesture possible, puts his weapons down, and reaches out to the person he loves most and literally sacrifices himself on the altar of his mistakes to make things right and show Viktor he is loved, and to protect Viktor from the horrifically lonely fate of his future self. It doesn't get any more noble, loving, or self-sacrificing than that.

Because more than we like to see a character punished we like to see them learn from their mistakes and come back better. Jayce's S2 nobility is earned, perhaps even to excess, no one can question whether he suffered enough to make up for what he did in S1 but even the most uncharitable read of him in S1, his biggest hater, would have to agree his time spent starving to death in agony, alone in that cave for months, has got to be just about the worst punishment a human can face and live.

Which is one reason I must add that I find it a little puzzling that Arcane's creators didn't predict the hate that Caitlyn would get in S2.

Keep in mind, because this is very important, the Arcane creators did not make S2 in response to fan reactions to S1. S2 was already in production and the script was locked in and done before anyone outside their organizations saw S1. So nothing that happens in S2 is as a result of fan response.

But, the creators did understand that Jayce was going to need to suffer narrative punishment for what he did in S1 in order to be redeemed, whether they predicted how hated he would be after S1, they did predict that redemption would be necessary. And boy-howdy, did they give him a hell of a redemption arc!

But Caitlyn's S2 actions are almost in lock-step similar to Jayce's S1 actions, being manipulated (by a Medarda!) into accepting power, but maybe not having a choice in the matter, but still maybe expanding that power on their own because it is useful in its own right. Caitlyn also makes terrible mistakes. A child doesn't die but people in the undercity do get hurt during her rage-fuled raids, even if most of them are mob bosses and their goons. The narrative asks, does that make it right? Caitlyn like Jayce hurts the person closest to her who is from the undercity and uses bigoted language against the people of the undercity to Vi's face in much the same way that Jayce did to Viktor on the bridge, though in Jayce's defense, he apologized immediately after.

So, seeing how hated Jayce was coming out of S1, to the point where there's still barely any merchandise of him, I'm shaking my head rather ruefully that there was so much merch made for Caitlyn this time around. And I get it! Caitlyn and Vi were very popular after S1, they are intentionally THE main romance of the show and it was a very popular romance coming out of the innocence of their meet cute in S1.

But it's a romance that dearly needed a longer third act if you wanted Caitlyn to be as embraced after her mistakes as Jayce was after making up for his all through S2. You need to give her as long or at least as in-depth of a redemption act with as much suffering and acknowledgment of her mistakes if you want Vi and Caitlyn at the end to get celebrated the way Jayce making it up to Viktor is, because as much as I understand the choice to focus on pacing instead of exposition, and I do think Caitlyn's apology and realization of her mistakes are there on the page more than people complain, I do also agree that it is a bit "blink and you'll miss it" even if it's there. Jayce got a whole episode of being thrown into the Torment Nexus for his mistakes, real or imagined, if you didn't like him or his choices, you definitely got the sadistic glee of watching life kick the stuffing out of him for what he did in S1.

But besides her fight with Ambessa, which was a result of a confluence of many events in the story, not just Caitlyn's mistakes, Caitlyn doesn't really suffer much for the mistakes she made to those she loves. Her losing an eye to Ambessa didn't happen because she said bigoted things to Vi or became a short-term puppet dictator of Piltover. It was a result of Ambessa's actions and maneuvering more than it was a result of Caitlyn's personal mistakes to her loved ones.

In contrast, Jayce's time in the pit gave him the chance to reflect on and suffer for the the mistakes he made that led to the Anomaly that led to him being down in this pit, and what he would do to make it up to his loved ones like Viktor when he returned. Caitlyn never got a moment like that and from what I'm seeing of the vitriol directed towards her, so similar to what Jayce got after S1, it seems like she really needed it if we were going to like her to the same extent again, in a way uncomplicated by lingering questions about whether she ever truly learned the lessons her character needed to learn to grow as a person.

And it's just funny to me that a narrative that was so aware that this whole huge punishment arc was needed to rehabilitate Jayce wasn't aware that we'd need one for Caitlyn too, at least if they're going to move all that merch they made for her (please give us Jayce merch, Riot, I'm begging).

[mattybsgroupie]

— tub ★ matt sturniolo

— CONTENTS: established relationship; making out; semi-public sex; p in v; creampie; sub!matt

— NOTES: i literally gasped when i saw that pic and i just had to tell @mattscoquette how much i needed hot tub sex with him. well… here it is! i know i have so many requests but i promise i’m gonna write them all! not proofread as usual, i apologize for any mistakes, hope you enjoy it ♡

“finally” matt mumbled under his breath as he watched chris drink his last sip of soda before wrapping himself in a towel and getting inside the house. you chuckled at his comment, dragging your arms across the warm liquid that embraced you and moving towards matt. “why? i thought you were having fun”.

“i will have fun” he said, reaching for your hands and interlocking your fingers in each other’s palms as he pulled you closer, face to face with him. “now that it’s only us” .

“you’re so lucky water distorts the actual form of things” you teased, placing your forearms around his shoulders and comfortably positioning yourself on his lap, feeling matt’s boner against you. “i could tell you were hard 30 minutes ago” you continued, index flickering around matt’s necklace. you went further, bringing the chain in between your teeth before closing your lips around the cold metal, deeply staring inside his blue orbs.

“it’s not my fault” matt whispered, not being able to keep his eyes off of you. “not when you look this good” he allowed his hands to travel across your body, stopping by your hips and forcing them down. you gasped with the sudden contact, matt’s cock seemed to have gotten even harder if that was possible.

the purple, blueish light that shimmered from the corners of the tub along with the warm bubbles turned the moment intimate, and matt couldn’t help it — he pressed his chapped lips on your neck, licking the tiny droplets of water there.

you let out a heavy sigh, letting go of his chain and tilting your head to the side, allowing matt to go further. his stubble tickled against your skin as the kisses got more heated, his teeth gently nibbling on your exposed neck.

lost in matt’s touch, your hips started moving in a pace of their own, slowly grinding your covered pussy against matt’s hardened cock. the pressure caused by the water intensified the proximity of your parts, causing matt to groan in a low tone, trying his best to stay quiet.

“my good boy doesn’t wanna be loud?” you teased and matt threw his head back, squeezing his eyes shut. “mhm” he nodded, “don’t call me that”.

“why? you don’t want chris to know his big brother is all worked up from a little grinding?” matt nods again. your thumb hovered over his lips, brushing above the lower one before pulling it down in a pout. “use your big boy words” you demand as matt sticks his tongue out, licking your digit.

“need you” matt whined, his grip on your waist growing tighter. “need you so bad, please” he repeated, slightly jerking his pelvis upwards, a silent plead for you to notice his aching cock. you leaned in and sealed your lips together, intensifying the kiss as your hands traced their way down his torso, your nails scratching his chest.

matt’s hands went to your ass, harshly grabbing your flesh and lifting you from his lap. you took the opportunity to quickly pull his shorts — just enough to free his dick from the swimwear he was wearing. you could tell matt’s eyes were wandering around the backyard, as if he was checking if you were actually alone. you cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at you and smiling warmly, letting him know he didn’t have to worry about a thing.

his sneaky fingers reached the straps of your bikini, easily undoing the tie and letting the black fabric hang loose, your bare pussy now only a few inches away from his shaft. matt guided you towards his length, lowering your cunt on his tip. you let out a deep sigh before fully sitting on him, his dick opening you up entirely. “fuck fuck fuck” he whimpered, “s-so tight fuck”.

“be a good boy hm? you want to shut you up?” you said, trying your best to keep your composure. matt’s veins pumped inside you, his tip brushing on your cervix. “nhng— yes… can’t be loud”. you chuckled at his eagerness, pressing your lips against his once more and sliding your tongue in, twirling the wet muscle around his own.

“you’re so big” you said amidst the kiss before pulling away, flickering your gaze from his lips to where your parts met. “look how good you fill me up hm?” matt nodded. it all felt too good. almost too much. he had been staring at you for hours, and his cock was throbbing underneath that bathing suit. the warm water around his body, your hands pressing his biceps, your pussy squeezing him. “you’re right here” you said, gently grabbing his wrist and placing his palm on your tummy.

“please i-i need to—” matt whimpered, his grip on your ass growing tighter as he bucked his hips upwards, mindlessly pounding inside you. you felt your own high approaching, the familiar knot on your lower belly begging to be released. “cum! please!” matt cried out loud. you shushed him, grabbing his jaw and lifting his chin up. moans came from the back of his throat, and you had no other choice but to bring your fingers to his open mouth. matt immediately wrapped his lips around your knuckles, sucking them with all his might.

“good boy” you praised him, receiving a muffled whine from him. “cum for me baby, fill me up” as you gave him permission, matt’s entire body trembled underneath you. his orgasm washed over him and his release threw you over the edge, the warm, thick spurts of cum painting your walls white.

matt panted heavily, tiny droplets of water dripping from his brown strands. none of you wanted to let go or get up, the comfort of being in each other’s embrace being enough to fall asleep right there — and you wouldn’t mind cockwarming him for the rest of the night. unfortunately, you still had to find your bikini panties and he had to make sure his brothers were already asleep. “hey, at least we didn’t make any messes huh?” he joked, giving you one last kiss before getting up and turning the lights from the hot tub off.

— TAGLIST ★ @thepubeburgler @submattenthusiast @pearlzier @mattsfavbitchhh @bugeyedgrl @sturncakez @riowritesitall @mattsturnswife @sturnsmia @sturnthepot @mattscoquette @conspiracy-ash @ilovemattsturn @lizzymacdonald06 @blahbel668 @fratbrochrisgf @sturnobsessedwh0re @cayleeuhithinknott @sturniolo04 @1c3b4th @mattsfavbigtitties @bellassturniolo @sturnsxplr-25 @ivammbb @shadowthesim237 @slutformatthewsturniolo @stefansring @teeheeomg @dystfopia @riasturns @faiyaz555 @sturnslutz @alesturniolos @emely9274 @courta13 @elandrys @sturns-mermaid @mattsplaything @marrykisskilled @bells-sturn @mattsgstring @strnilolover @jetaimevous @aaliyahsturniolo @evie-sturns @ivysturnss

complete masterlist ★ matt masterlist

[reality-shitting]

General realizations ab shifting that helped me

The void is not a realm or a place- it is YOU. You ARE the Void. The Void is solely the awareness of being, fully.

You are not ONE being. Think of the consciousness in you as being interconnected with all other infinite versions of you. These interconnections converge into your full consciousness, the true YOU. It's almost Eldritch to think about.

Something I'm just now thinking of, perhaps this means the subconscious is all other versions of you- you're separated and cut off from experiencing the entirety of being, but that entirety is still there, guiding you from behind the scenes.

No matter what the assumption, "I am" is true. I am kind, as my actions and thoughts show, but I'm also cruel and cold-hearted, as may be the perception of another. I think I'm funny, but someone else may think I'm cheesy- therefore, I am both. And this also goes for the personas of myself in other realities. I am everything. Simultaneously, this also means I am Nothing. I simply am.

To add to the points above, I believe this "Eldritch" conglomerate is what we call the Void state, and would explain why every manifestation happens instantly once we reach this state. Think of it like accessing the files in an infinite data base- all you need to do is find the files you're looking for and download them.

As much as people will try to stress things like "you need to let go" or realizing that shifting is easy, you won't truly be able to understand what they're saying until you experience it.

All things exist at once and every inconceivably small action creates a new reality. As small as "this single cell from 7000 years ago died .000000001 seconds prematurely", and smaller.

Shifting IS easy- in the same way that gleeking or stretching is easy. Some people are able to do it on command or go further than others with no training whatsoever. Others may do it accidentally and sporadically. This does not mean the latter are unable to do these things at will, but they simply need a bit of help learning to do it on command.

Question stressing you out? "But what about this plot hole?", "How does XYZ work??", "What will happen back in my OR???"- STOP. No need to stress yourself over that, this by itself I feel cost me years on my journey. Everything will work out. It doesn't matter how, but it will, and it will either even itself out or be in your favor. Don't even think about those things. Relax.

Another one that held me back MASSIVELY. Struggling to visualize your DR? "I know it has THIS SPECIFIC TABLE in this SPECIFIC place and everything has to be perfect"! No. Your visualization does Not need to be perfect. Nor does it have to be "accurate", really. Once you just let your mind wander and let your subconscious make up it's own layout, it'll help you slip in much more easily. I put so much pressure on myself to make sure I was visualizing my specific reality, and it became so much easier when I just trusted myself to build it up from my subconscious instead of "forcing" a look

They say once it's in the 4D (imagination), it's already real. That's why you're encouraged to embody, think, act, feel as your DR self. Like playing pretend as a kid, you'll be so focused on your imagination, you don't even realize you're in your OR. If you don't shift through that alone, it certainly helps make you feel far more connected. This is also why I came up with the Furina method (although I suppose it's debatable if I really "came up" with it)

[gooobraghhh]

I’ve successfully completely broken a mutual of mine and it has been so fun

I’ve talked about @the-kennel-keeper on here a few times but I think I really need to display the whole picture.

He started out like most of my followers, a puppy boy anon in my askbox that had a massive crush on me, but I had happened to follow his account along with like 10 others that were in the trans nsft tag when I first made this blog. He sent me an anonymous ask about realizing I followed him and how it got him so exited but he spam liked me like right before he sent it which made it exceedingly obvious who he was. That little pathetic mistake that was rip for being made fun of was the first thing that got me interested and his general tendency to accidentally humiliate himself or be easily tricked has remained extremely adorable. He finally dm’d me some message about how much he loves my blog since he wanted my direct attention and he did one of those ask games where one of the questions was like “who’s your tumbr crush?” and of course I asked him that one anonymously.

Surprise surprise he says me and at that point I’d sort of gathered too much dirt on him to let it go to waste and I really didn’t even try. We flirted, he talked about how he was only submissive in an extremely defiant, bratty way and how he basically can’t be tamed which just made him all the more alluring of a target for me. He did act like that for a while, but I built up to this perfect demeaning message where I revealed both of my little secrets on him and he just had no choice but to give in. The message ended with me telling him that I own him and I managed to get a “Yes ma’am” in response. He got so worked up that night that he finally got himself off after not being able to for months. I think that’s when I truly gained control over him.

Since then I’ve been slowly training him more and more. Learning exactly what gets him flustered and makes him tick. He started being more obedient, begging on command, singing my praises. A month or two later and the progress is undeniable. Hes cum for me a total of ~10 times (probably more than that, he couldn’t remember the exact number at first but I let him round down) 5 of which have been in the last 24 hours. He volunteered to send me audios of him jerking off and praising how good he’s been trained, he responds “yes ma’am” to basically every command I give him.

I know him so well that I can make him kind of shut down and give in from just a sentence or two of dirty talk. I mean I really pushed him today and yesterday and he couldn’t help but get himself off several times while recording it for me.

This man genuinely thought he was untamable, before talking to me he hadn’t even cum in months, but I’ve taken real good care of my new mutt. Thoroughly corrupted him into my perfect toy. Sometimes I even give him dirt on me just to give him a fighting chance but he’s so pathetic it doesn’t even matter. He’s had sex dreams about me and has chatted with me while around his friends, desperately trying to keep his composure.

So I’m starting a counter in my pinned of how many times he’s cum while thinking of me. It’s only fair I get to show off my hard work I think. We can all enjoy seeing how fucking pitifully submissive my mutt is.

And you can be jealous of him while that number ticks up because I know there’s a lot of you that’d kill to be in his position.

Exited to see how fast I can get keep the number increasing.

[deviouz]

Jason with a chubby! fem readerrr pls pls pls!!

Him admiring her as if she were an angel descended on earth and being genuinely surprised and confused that she doesn't really see that much appeal in her body like he does, but he has a way of showing his sweetheart just how beautiful she is (he may or may not has bought a floor length mirror and positioned it riiight in front of their bed <33)

Xoxo

thank you for indulging in my chubby chaser jason fantasies <3

if there’s one thing jason is good at, it’s making you feel beautiful. hell, beautiful might be an understatement with the way he worships the ground you walk on and gazes at you with nothing but pure love and devotion.

sometime’s he can see you staring longingly at outfits while out shopping, and he’s all to quick to force those negative thoughts out of your head. he’ll encourage you to try them on, narrows his eyes when he knows you’re about to say something rude about yourself, and insists on buying it because all he wants is for you to see yourself the way he sees you — drop dead gorgeous and utterly perfect.

truth be told, jason loves his partners to have a little more meat on their bones, so to speak. there’s something about the way your eyes widen and face gets all flushed when he picks you up, sometimes completely out of the blue, and spins you around like you weigh nothing.

“jay, put me down! i’m too—”

“don’t you even think about finishing that sentence unless you’d like not being able to walk for the rest of the week.”

he’ll put you up on the counter and slide his hands under the sundress he had bought you, fingers gripping into the plush of your thighs until they’re parting to make room for him. you’re still too flustered to look him in the eye, lips curled into a slight pout and cheeks all puffed up.

“come on, sweetheart, don’t give me that look. you and i both know that i could easily bench double your weight without breaking a sweat.”

you can’t really fault him there, especially not when he’s slinging you over his shoulder and waltzing off to the bedroom. the asshole even has the audacity to laugh at your incessant demands to put me down! and the so-called-punches you threw at his toned back.

another thing jason todd was particularly good at was fucking those mean thoughts right out of your pretty little head.

ever the adventurous one, you and jason have tried your fair share of positions in the bedroom, though his favorite had to be reverse cowgirl. he loves having you perch on his lap right at the end of the bed, hands roaming your naked form with fervor, all the while he has you gaze into the mirror hung on the wall just across from you both. it was tall and expensive and oh-so-perfect to gaze at the sheer size difference between you and your boyfriend.

“so fuckin’ pretty, baby,” jason whispers, rough hands grabbing at the fat of your hips with need. “so perfect for me.”

you’re already at your wits end, throbbing with need around all eight inches of his cock nestled deep in your cunt, lips swollen from the way you kept tugging them between your teeth. it was hard to keep still, hips itching to move, but jason kept you from doing so.

“jason, please—”

“ah, ah, ah. you know the drill.”

giving a desperate whine, you threw your head back against his shoulder and rolled your hips. “you’re the worst.”

one of jason’s hands trailed up to grab at your neck, lips pressing a soft kiss to the crown of your head as he gave a soft chuckle. “don’t be a brat and maybe i’ll give you what you want.”

“maybe?”

“mhmm. i’m sure if you said it sweet enough i could be convinced otherwise.”

huffing out a puff of air, you turned your gaze back to the mirror. jason’s hand trailed from your neck to your chest, giving your breasts some much needed attention while you stared at the reflection, embarrassment trickling into your nerves.

“i… i’m beautiful.”

his hand slowly slid down to your stomach, sharp eyes staring at your own in the mirror. “and?”

“and pretty.”

“and?”

“…gorgeous?”

“and?”

“and if you don’t fuck me within the next two seconds, i’m gonna—”

before you could even finish your sentence, jason gave a sudden thrust of his hips, forcing his cock all the deeper — deep enough to have the tip brushing at an all-too-sensitive spot and your eyes start to roll back.

“yeah? what are you gonna do, princess?”

his thrusts didn’t stop after the first. if anything, he was just getting started.

“gonna go try to get yourself off?”

“n-no, jay!”

the sound of skin-against-skin soon filled the room, coupled with his teasing words and your pleasure-filled noises.

“you sure ‘bout that?”

the quick nods from your head had him smirking, hands grabbing at the plush of your hips with a possessive touch. he held you tight and fucked up into you like an animal in heat, like he was desperate to leave a mark on you to show everyone else who you belonged to — who he belonged to, too.

“promise, i swear,” words were becoming harder to form with the way he relentlessly pounded up into your warm heat, “no one— ah! fucks me like you!” your arousal was more than evident with the way slick began to coat your inner thighs, a creamy white ring appearing around the base of his cock with every thrust.

“that’s my good girl.”

[littlemissshifter]

Why acceptance matters.

You've been 'trying' to shift for so long and still struggling? Even tried letting go but still no physical success? You're looking at every Tumblr post hoping for something that will make it click or help you change your inner state? Have you tried just accepting your present?

You don't have to do anything. Stop looking for answers to change. Just accept your present moment as it is. You haven't gotten what you wanted? Accept it. Can't get into the state of having? Accept it. I know everyone says that you already have your desires and I say it too well because it's true. This is for when you're tired from trying. When you just can't do it anymore.

You want to embody your desired state right now but your thoughts get too tangled up in circumstances? Doubt? Fear? Don't worry it doesn't matter. Why? Because fear can't change anything. Accept the present moment and it loses all it's power over you. Accept the circumstances and they won't bother you anymore. Just accept.

Acceptance doesn't have to mean that you have to like what your reality is right now. You just have to allow it without resistance. Just stop resisting it.

When we try to ignore or resist the 3D we stop letting the energy of the present pass through us. If the old energy can't pass through how will you be able to become a new energy? A new reality? The only way to change the 3D instantly is to accept it. To let yourself flow with the flow of the present. You don't even have to do anything at all. Just exist when you're existing.

The 3D is us. It's not different. Before you move on from something, you accept how it is right? The same works for your reality. Because it is you.

When you're trying to change your 3D or change your state of self you are doing it out of seperation. Your desires are already you. The 3D is already you. "So why can't I shift states easily?" you ask. Because you're not letting yourself pass through yourself to become yourself. Got confusing there right? Don't worry I'll explain again.

You are not letting your 3D (yourself/old you) pass through yourself (you/now/present) to become yourself (you/your true self of already having what you desire because you are your desires as they expand from you to the 3D). Everything is you.

This does not mean to give up on your desires. They are already you. This is only to let the old thoughts, the old reality pass through you easily so you can become your new reality. To let the flow of old energies leave for new to settle.

I'll tell you my experience regarding this because sometimes you just need to hear another point of view. Yesterday I was spiralling with negative thoughts regarding my health. I didn't want those thoughts I was frustrated, afraid. I realised that the only way I can become my new reality is to let the old be. You can't fight the 3D as it is you right? Why are you playing push and pull with yourself? The only way to get peace was to accept that I was struggling and I did not have the thing I wanted right now (physically) and it's okay. The moment I accepted this, I felt a huge flow of energy leave me. I was relaxed instantly. I kept on knowing what I wanted and I let the 3D be. Even if it scared me sometimes but it's okay! Reality is still me. Being in the present and accepting it helps to release old stuck energy. New energy can't move in when the old is still there.

Because whether you know it or not by holding onto 'wanting' your new reality, you stop processing you old one and instead of letting it go as you should you get stuck in between two realities, 'wanting' something else and experiencing the past (old reality). This is why you experience so much confusion and doubt. You just have to let the old energy be and flow, it will leave on it's own because you don't want it anymore. Keep being in your new energy without fighting the old.

I hope you will apply this in your reality because it is seriously easy to accept things. Stop holding on to stuff. Be you and flow.

[ihanflwr]

yea my boyfriend's pretty cool - nishimura riki (pt.1)

next part

IN WHERE; you try to make your ex, riki, jealous. it doesn't work out the best for you.

genre: a tinyyy bit angsty, fluff

warning: a little bit of cursing, suggestiveness, underage drinking.

not proofread! 🙆🏾‍♀️

it started off great. it was finally your birthday, and to celebrate, you invited all your friends and mutuals.

it's the first time you hosted something so big, especially for your own birthday. honestly, you just couldn't wait for everyone to leave already.

you didn't plan for there to be alchohol at the party, it just.. happened. so now you're technically responsible for a bunch of drunk teenagers.

(more under cut)

knowing you get drunk easily, you decided to not drink tonight. you can have fun while being sober.

"ugh, this is a mess," you grumble to ni-ki, "you're gonna help me clean this up right?" you tease, turning back to look at him. you blink in confusion.

he was just walking right behind you, and now he's gone? how long were you talking to yourself for?

you see him in the distance talking to a girl. you quickly approach him and wrap your arm around his, your grip tight.

it was almost midnight, and you guys were outside at your pool. your parents were pretty wealthy, so they could afford this big yard.

it's windy af so you have to squint to look up at ni-ki. he awkwardly nudges you away gently, going back to talking with that girl. they were acting like you werent even there.

you frown and reach for his arm again. he lets out an exasperated sigh. "not right now," he urges, briefly looking down at you and then contuing his convo.

you slowly look at the girl he was talking to, scanning her features. naoi rei.

she was older than you, and more athletic, and maybe even funnier. but your ego is never letting you believe that.

you have nothing against her, but why was she ignoring your prescense? maybe she's drunk. she notices your glare and smiles at you.

she isnt trying to be condescending, but thats the way you take it. your expression doesn't falter. infact, that just makes you angrier.

"i think i should leave you two alone," she says awkwardly, still smiling. "i'll see you inside! i think." she scurries away, going inside the house.

you turn to face ni-ki. knowing what's coming, he runs a hand along his hair and groans.

"what's your problem?" he asks, almost scowling at you.

"what's yours?" you retort. "i'm your girlfriend, but it seems like you have bigger priorities."

"i'm not allowed to discuss schoolwork with a classmate?" he crosses his arms.

"you can discuss schoolwork... at school."

"you mean mug every female that looks in my direction," he says passive-agressively.

"no i don't," you lie, not bring able to look at him.

"listen," he starts, taking a deep breath. "i don't wanna argue with you." he starts to walk away from you. you grab his arm and stand in front of him, blocking his away. which is stupid because he can easily just walk around you if he really wanted to leave.

"i don't either. just admit you were in the wrong," you mutter.

"why am i always in the wrong?" he asks, starting to get a little annoyed, now.

"i dunno, ask yourself that. maybe you should reflect--"

"this isn't gonna work," he suddenly interrupts. your eyes widen, backing away from him.

"what?"

"this isn't gonna work," he repeats. without further explaining himself, he walks away from you, heading towards the house.

for a few minutes, you keep trying to pinch yourself to see if this is just a dream. you look back at the house, faint music playing.

aint no way he's trying to go into my house after dumping me, you think to yourself. you take a deep breath to calm yourself down, but its no use.

you storm into the house, turning the lights on and shutting off the speaker. everyone turns to look at you.

"everybody needs to get the FUCK out," you yell, and everyone kind of stands there for a minute.

"hello? y'all deaf?" you shout again. everyone quickly scrambles to gather their stuff and cram out the door. in the crowd, you notice ni-ki's lingering gaze on you. obviously, you ignore it.

finally, it seems like everyone's out the house. your home is now a mess, and you only have 3 days to clean the whole place by yourself before your mom gets back.

tears threatning to fall at your eyes, you plop onto the couch and curl up into a ball, tightly hugging a pillow.

"bad bitches don't cry," you try to encourage yourself, but it makes you wanna cry even more from how corny that was. you squeeze your eyes shut.

you can hear soft footsteps approaching you. "whats wrong with you?" a concerned voice asks.

you slowly open your eyes and look up at the person. it was your best friend, sunoo. behind him was winter, biting her lip nervously.

you abruptly burst into tears, and winter and sunoo rush over to hug you. no words needed to be said. your soft sniffles and occasional whimpers is all that could be heard.

last night was ROUGH. you didn't even wipe off yout makeup, so you woke up with mascara stains all over your cheeks. you have a pounding headache after crying so much the previous night.

your mood lightens a bit when you see winter and sunoo laying on either side of you. it seems like they slept with you to comfort you throughout the night. you don't remember much, just a bunch of sobbing.

"you finally up?" winter asks softly. you nod, sitting up. she sits up too.

"are you gonna tell us what happened?" she inquires, putting a hand on your shoulder.

"mhm, just waiting for sunoo to wake up," you mumble. "but long story short, riki broke up with me."

"what!?" winter shrieks, making sunoo jolt up. he rubs his eyes.

"what happened?" he asks groggily, slowly sitting up as well.

"y/n and riki broke up," winter says with a slight pout.

"seriously?" sunoo gasps. you can notice them both reaching in for another hug. you place your hands in front of them.

"crying all day isn't gonna accomplish anything," you admit. you were moreso trying to convince yourself rather than your friends. winter hums in agreement.

"we should get started on cleaning up," sunoo proposes, getting up and stretching.

"you guys don't have to," you say gratefully.

"you're tell me you were planning on doing this by yourself?" winter raises an eyebrow. you gently elbow her.

"i'm tryna be nice here," you whine, and she giggles. it's so fun to tease you.

soon enough, you all get washed up and start cleaning. while cleaning, you explain more in depth about what happened last night.

"has he texted you after last night?" sunoo asks as he cleans the windows.

"i don't know, i haven't checked my phone in a while," you say while wiping the countertops. you stop what you're doing and pull your phone out from your pocket, taking off 'do not disturb.'

yup, 12 missed calls from ni-ki. and a bunch of text messages. you even got one from rei. you bite your lip and without hesitation, you block him.

"rei texted me," you say, clearly avoiding the point.

"and as for riki..?" winter asks, pausing her vacuuming to approach you and look over your shoulder to see your phone. sunoo shortly joins in, too.

"i blocked him, so i'm not really sure," you shrug and stuff your phone back in your pocket.

"damn, you blocked him quick," sunoo says, and he can't help but laugh. you nod.

random a/n: who wants to be moots plspls

"what'd rei say?" winter chimes in. you unlock your phone and open your messages.

"at 12am yesterday-- or today technically-- she just sent a paragraph of her apologizing and saying she hopes she's not the reason we broke up." you say. sunoo and winter silently read the text message before sunoo clears his throat.

"how'd she know you guys broke up?" sunoo asks. that's a pretty good point, you think. "either word got around very quick, or ni-ki scurried to tell her as soon as y'all broke up."

"i fear it's the latter option," winter says nervously, biting on her finger.

"i dont wanna go to school tomorrow!" you announce, leaning against the counter. "me and riki sit together in like every single class!"

"don't you have a good relationship with riki?" winter aks sunoo. "maybe you can talk to him."

"i guess i could," sunoo says hesitantly, "but i don't wanna start conflict."

"you don't have to," you reassure, "i can just confront him myself."

winter grins, as if saying "you know damn well." you shoot her a nasty look.

"what? you don't think i can do it?" you ask.

"how about we just take the simpler route," sunoo suggests, "you get a fake boyfriend to make him jealous."

"my life is NOT some sick wattpad fanfic," (🤔) you grumble.

"oh yea, what was the other message rei sent you?" winter asks. you unlock your phone once more.

"its her asking me if i can unblock ni-ki," you groan, rolling your eyes. "this is so stupid."

"take my idea into account," sunoo reminds you. you side eye him but he tries to redeem himself. "a bunch of hot guys like to get jobs at the 7-11 a few blocks away from our campus. don't ask how i know. but anyways, most of them go to our school so maybe-- just maybe-- you could shoot your shot with one of them. just a suggestion."

you cross your arms and turn to face him fully.

"you want me to work at 7-11 just so i can pull some guys?" you ask.

"pretty much," he gives you a thumbs up.

"that's kind of smart, though!" winter says, slinging her hand arpund your shoulder. "you should consider it."

'hmm, maybe," you sigh. "let's just focus on cleaning for right now?" you suggest, resuming your tidying. sunoo and winter agree, going back to cleaning up.

it's gonna be a long week.

pt.2 coming soon :)

[juvinadelgreko]

adding to this as a Late To The Party queer person who also just reread TRC:

i second everything in this post. it took me nearly 2 decades to realize i wasn’t into men. looking back on my life, i attribute this largely to the fact that i was way too busy being a Gifted Kid ™️ who also played elite sports and barely had time to eat, let alone consider my own identity.

those things were always true about me: i just didn’t see them for what they were until i actually had time for myself, got out into the world and had experiences that showed me those things.

i was into women the entire time. but until i actually met another queer woman, it never occurred to me that there was any explanation for what i felt beyond “this girl is my friend. that’s why i like her so much.”

i was never into men. but until i actually tried to kiss one and hated it it never occurred to me that there might’ve been an explanation for my lack of interest in them besides “i’m very busy playing elite junior sports and carrying a full ap course load.”

so it doesn’t at all surprise me that in the midst of working 3 jobs, dealing with abusive father, striking a bargain with a magical sentient forest, hunting for a dead welsh king, AND going to school, adam parrish didn’t exactly have a minute to consider that maybe he liked ronan’s attention for other reasons.

adam tells us straight up that he enjoys ronan’s crush because it makes him feel worthy of admiration—and he’d never felt admired that way before. that’s a far more plausible explanation than “i am also queer.” and while it probably does account for some of his feelings, adam Does Not Have The Time to look at it any closer. he’s literally being possessed while he tries to finish his senior year of high school!

then ronan kisses him, and he likes it???? what?? i think many queer people have this moment, where we can pinpoint the exact moment that we realized we’d been in denial the whole time, or just hadn’t been able to see the whole truth. because before an actual kiss, there were reasonably plausible heterosexual explanations for everything we’d felt prior. it’s not until something happens for which there is no heterosexual explanation that we start to go hm. perhaps i missing something.

this happened to alex in rwrb. he could easily explain away his obsession with henry by telling himself and everyone else that he hated henry because he was snobby and british and had been annoying to him one time. why would alex look any closer at this scenario? his mother, the POTUS, is fighting for re-election against a very conservative candidate. she doesn’t need her son to be queer. then henry kisses him, he likes it, and there is no heterosexual explanation for that.

and of course, as we said, with adam. he was able to explain away enjoying ronan’s crush, had no desire to examine his feelings any further because of Life ™️, and then suddenly he’s making out with ronan and he likes it and oh wait there’s no heterosexual explanation for this!

so yeah. it makes a lot of sense. queer people under a great deal of outside pressure usually take a minute to realize they’re queer. something has to happen to trip the wires. it’s kind of sad but very true. re-reading trc, i’m actually really impressed with how maggie wrote adam and ronan’s arc. it’s very much authentic to what a lot of us experience.

there’s a very clear contrast between queer people who grew up in pressure cookers and queer people who grew up affirmed and supported like ronan did. whether he ever came out to his parents or not, ronan was always told he was loved and powerful. so facing his own queerness would’ve been a much easier pill for him to swallow than adam. i imagine he saw declan start flirting with girls, thought “girls? really? ew. no.” and that was that. ronan was gay, there was nothing that could be done to change that, so fuck you if you didn’t like it. but when niall dies and he loses his support system and he has to figure out his powers on his own, dating promptly goes to the bottom of his priority list. that is, until adam. until he has the gangsey as a support system.

TL;DR, it’s very hard to live an authentic an authentic life if all your energy is going towards survival. no shit adam parrish is unknowable. he doesn’t have time to learn.

I’ve been musing on adam’s sexuality and I know some folks feel like he’s been bi the whole time but having just done a deep pynch-focused dive through the books, I actually think adam hadn’t realized that he was into ronan Like That until they kissed. like he obviously knew ronan was into him (and actually, knew ronan was gay since like, the beginning of trb probably), but he had sort of convinced himself that the reason he enjoyed it was vanity/attention. and right before and after the kiss we get the line “adam didn’t understand anything” which feels to me like he hadn’t even comprehended this was a thing he wanted until he was doing it.

and that’s actually a very common queer experience, especially for folks who are interested in multiple genders, especially when they’re young.

so adam, despite wanting to know everything and being the perceptive one, has these increasingly big moments of “I feel like I’m missing some data here” but the data he needed was the actual experience of kissing ronan/making the conscious decision to kiss ronan again and THEN he has his eureka moment. And he can look back at the moments where he found his Latin teacher hot, or when he put a picture of an attractive man in his glove box and realize he was bi the whole time.

[paladin--strait]

skills showcase - auston matthews

reader gets invited to go with auston to the nhl all star skills showcase with some other wags to show off their own skills. how does it end?

-

i walk into the locker room, skates in hand and a few of the wags by my side. i think we're all a little nervous for the upcoming showcase but i think it'll be a fun, once in a lifetime opportunity.

when i got the message a few weeks ago asking if i'd be willing to be a part of it, i almost told them no. if auston hadn't have talked me into it, i'd be sitting in my seat on the front row, watching my fiancé show off his own talents alongside more nhl stars.

i tie up my skates, tucking in the extra lace string and putting the bottom of my pants over it. i stand, a little wobbly since auston had just started teaching me how to skate the week before last and i'm still not very good at it. i slowly make my way to the hallway, waiting for my turn to go onto the ice when the announcer calls my name and introduces me.

once i hear them say my name, i carefully make my way out onto the ice, stick in hand, and over to auston, he grabs my hands once i make it to him to help me stop. "nice jersey." he laughs, pointing at his blue jersey that i stole from him to wear tonight.

"thanks, it's my fiancés." i joke and laugh, moving to stand beside him.

be laughs at my little joke, but then he gets serious. "where's your helmet?" he asks, frowning.

"they didn't give us one." i shrug, looking up at him.

"i gave you one to wear?" he laughs awkwardly. wondering where my helmet is.

"they told us we didn't need it..." i shrug again, pointing to some of the coordinators that are now on the bench.

"absolutely not. my top priority with you being out here is that you're safe." he says sternly, "you're wearing mine." he unclips his helmet, taking it off and plopping it on my head. he clips the strap together and adjusts it, making sure it's secure and comfortable.

"auston...now i'm the only one out here wearing a helmet..." i pout, crossing my arms and looking down at the ice.

"it'll be alright. i know it's probably embarrassing to you, but if you fall over like you were doing yesterday you'll be grateful." he laughs, tapping the top of the helmet.

i laugh, looking up to see the first wife skating up for the shooting portion of the short showcase. there's only five wags here so it shouldn't last long. she shoots and isn't able to make it past jeremy swayman, who offered to goaltend the shooting portion. he high fives her and she skates off to the speed portion.

she makes it past pretty easily, shooting one last goal and missing it too. the next woman goes and preforms about the same, but this time she made the second goal. after decent performances by all the women, it's my turn. i grip my stick that auston bought me, and skate up to the line.

i start at center ice, bringing the puck down until i get at a good distance and angle to shoot. i make my shot, smiling as i continue skating so i can try and get the fastest time. i trip up a little when going around the cones, but i quickly recover and speed up going back down the ice for my second shot. i shoot, aiming the puck for the top left corner, and make it.

i smile and throw my hands up in the air, skating back to auston who's skating towards me with a huge smile on his face. he picks me up, twirling me around and then setting me back down.

they calculate the scores, and soon determine that i won the little showcase. i smile wide as i skate over to pk subban, who was doing some interviews on the ice. he asks me a few questions about myself and then he says, "where'd you get the helmet from? seems like you're the only one who wanted to wear one." he laughs, holding the microphone up to me.

i lean in a little, "well, they told us we didn't need a helmet, but auston insisted that i wear his because he wants me to be safe. i fall a lot and i just learned to skate week before last so..." i laugh, adjusting my helmet.

pk laughs, saying a few more things before a quick goodbye. i skate over to auston and take off the helmet, handing it back to him. "here, baby.." he takes the helmet from me and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"you did really well, sweetheart." he says with a smile.

"thank you," i say, fiddling with the hem of the dark blue jersey i was wearing. "i only did well because you taught me how to play..."

"you did well because you were willing to learn. i'm not surprised you skated and shot that well. but damn, you did amazing out there. it's like you're a natural on the ice." he smiles, looking at me.

they soon tell announce that the wags are done in the ice and we can take our leave.

i begin making my way towards the exit off the ice before auston grabs my arm, "my love, if you want you can sit on the bench beside me and watch." he says with a smile.

"will i be in anyone's way over there?" i ask, furrowing my brows.

"you shouldn't be. if they tell you to go, just let me know and i'll take care of it." he says, pulling me along with him and guiding me to the little bench that they set up on the ice for the players.

i sit in between him and sidney crosby, my heart racing. i look over at auston with an excited expression on my face. "auston...i'm sitting beside sidney crosby..." i whisper, smiling with excitement.

he nods and pats my head, "you can talk to him if you want. he doesn't bite." auston laughs.

i shake my head immediately, my eyes going wide. "no! i'll probably embarrass myself." i whisper. "and how do you know he doesn't bite?"

auston laughs a little louder and pulls me close, my body pressed against his side. he taps sidney on the shoulder, beginning to casually talk with him. i watch the other players on the ice take their turn showing off their skills, but the mention of my name makes me turn to look at auston in confusion.

he points to sidney, who's looking at me with a smile and an extended hand. i slowly reach out and shake his hand, listening as he introduces himself to me. sidney and i talk for a bit before it's his turn to go next in the current competition.

i look back up at auston and smile, "i told you he doesn't bite." he says with a laugh, "i'm next. you gonna be okay?" his expression turns a little more serious.

i nod with a smile, "yeah, i'll be okay. how much is left after this competition?"

he thinks for a second before he answers, "not much. maybe twenty minutes?" he says, watching as sidney finishes his turn and makes his way back to his seat beside me before he stands to get ready for his upcoming turn. i wish him luck and watch as he skates off.

-

after the showcase ends, auston drives me to the luxurious hotel and drops me off so i can sleep while he goes to hang out with his friends. i shut the hotel room door and kick off my shoes, cutting on a few of the smaller lights around the room instead of the big, overhead light.

i brush my teeth after i change out of my clothes, spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing with mouthwash. i wash my face and take off the little bit of makeup i had on. i walk back into the room, cutting off all the lights except for the one by the door so auston can see when he comes back to the room.

i turn on the tv and go to youtube, pulling up a video with soft, ambient music and a calming background to help me sleep. i get comfortable under the bed and pick up my phone. i click on my tracking app i have with auston and see that he's still out with the guys, his little icon signaling that he's in a building. i text him goodnight and shut off my phone, plugging it in.

i snuggle into the covers, closing my eyes. my efforts to fall asleep in vain, the cold mattress and quiet atmosphere that's usually filled with auston's snoring now making me almost uncomfortable. i can normally handle him being away, but something about this night is different. i sigh, sitting up in the bed and walking over to his suitcase. i grab the shirt he wore yesterday off the chair, slipping of my sleep shirt and putting on his shirt.

the smell of his cologne, hair products, and even a faint scent of his deodorant comforts me slightly as i make my way back to the bed, sliding in on his side. i pull his pillow close and close my eyes. the feeling of sleep soon overtakes my active mind, the soft music helping lull me to a restless sleep without auston in the bed with me.

-

i wake to a gentle hand on my shoulder, grumbling as i open my eyes. i sit up, my hair a frizzy mess as i yawn. i take a second to let my eyes focus, looking up at auston. "you're back..." i whisper.

he smiles softly, "of course i am, i'll always come back to you."

i smile sleepily at his words, scooting back so he can take his place in the hotel bed. he slips in and immediately throws the covers over his body, grabbing my waist and pulling me closer. we lay in silence for a second before i hear him speak softly. "you still awake?"

"yeah, you okay?" i look up at him in the darkness, my words cutting through the silence.

"yeah, i just wanted to tell you that i'm proud of you." he says, even in the darkness i can hear the smile on his face.

"for what?" i ask, my brows furrowing.

"for doing so well out there earlier. the guys were all raving to me about how good you did, at it really made me think about it." he says, "i guess i was so wrapped up in the excitement of everything that i forgot to truly congratulate you for winning and for doing such an amazing job."

i smile softly at his words, "thank you, auston. did i really do that good?"

"oh absolutely. you did way better than all those other women out there." he laughs.

i laugh along with him, "i don't know, david's wife rebecca did pretty well."

he hums, "she did okay."

i smack his chest softly, laughing along with him a little. "hey buddy, that's my friend you're talking about!" my words make him laugh a little harder, but soon silence fell over the dark hotel room once more. "but seriously, thank you. i couldn't have been able to do that without you."

he says nothing, pressing a kiss to my lips before he yawns and grabs the small of my back, pulling me closer. i yawn after him, hearing him yawn caused me to follow along almost immediately. he chuckles, rubbing my back softly. i close my eyes, finally content. i soon hear the comforting sound of his snores, making me smile as i soon begin to fall asleep as well.

the excitement and busyness of the day floats away from both auston and my sore bodies, gentle snores erupting from both of us as we sleep off the tired feeling in each others arms.

[causeimcrayzeebee]

tetro back it again making me cry way too early in the morning alright lets talk about the things on my mind after this weeks episodes

first of all, (princess) Monomoko. goodness. i have really enjoyed seeing her become more and more sympathetic and aware, building her own consciousness. that really worries me about her, in the event that something could happen to her. the fact that she told seki that she cant justify the killing game anymore, and seki doesn’t really say anything about he feels. i wonder if he feels the same way. also from corrective approach, it seems like seki turned her in, but honestly is it just me or does it seem like something where kan found out on his own n seki wasn’t able to do anything about it? i mean obviously he’s still choosing to do nothing, but like i feel like it would be weird that he told on her yk? or am i just losing my mind.

ojima. oh my goodness ojima, I did not expect a lore dump, but wow. hayashi telling him that talking about it could be his chance to be strong,,, and he actually starts speaking. i really loved that hayashi was the one he told, especially considering their similarities. ojima throughout the ep was hugely impressed that she survived the year of being kidnapped and locked away, and thinking he himself as incapable of being that strong, but hayashi saying that she’s not stronger, she’s just had more practice was a key thing. ojima took that first step of saying something all those years ago, and when the people around him (his father not his brothers) blamed him of lying, he didn’t feel like he had the people to support him that he needed, thus backing away. ojima opening up again after that (and about something he’s avoided for most of his life) is HUGE. now, as he tells hayashi what happened to him, she can be part of that support system for him.

hayashi has gone through so much too. i think her story really highlights the importance of having people around you. her parents were still searching for her, and once she was actually able to escape, she had her parents back. the whole kidnapping was incredibly fucked, it’s amazing that she made it. she’s so strong and i love her, she really has stepped up to giving the rest of the cast support, just like she was by her parents.

on another note MY PARENTS [hayashigeki] ARE NO LONGER ON THE PATH TO DIVORCE!!! the fact that yanagi was so distraught and worried about restricting hayashi and being controlling just like his father, only to find out hayashi was mad at him for putting himself in danger... I really liked communication attempt, I'm so glad they actually talked. yanagi talking about long term plans though worries me..... king pls.....

speaking of long term plans, this is what got me bawling again, in refulgence post mortem. kamimura kazutoshi, the guy literally trying to kill himself just before the killing game (which I still wonder what this means for how they got the participants into the game,,, did they have to like resuscitate him??) , was thinking about going back to school to pursue his dream. he wanted to reconnect with his aunt. hasegawa saying he was proud of him really got me. kamimura had found something he wanted to do, something to strive for in the future. and then he was taken away. hasegawa's distain for okazaki is clear in this episode. they way that hasegawa talked about kamimura was full of love, both when he talked about the little things that were negative about kamimura, like how he was easily annoyed, and when he talked about how funny and kind he was. i think it’s really interesting too how Hama was asking hasegawa, someone the rest of the group knows even LESS, about kamimura. it feels like when two mutual friends talk about someone they knew and get closer through that. i really hope this marks hasegawa beginning to reach out more. (OH YEAH ALSO HASEGAWA CLEANING KAMIMURAS BODY AND THE SCENE,,,, WHAT IF I CRIED.) this episode was also something that really hit how isolated the two were from the rest of the group; we all knew this about kamimura, but hama was hearing a lot of this for the first time.

i really loved hama in this weeks episodes too. teacher hama made me so happy I cant believe we had five minutes of hama yapping about yokai that was AWESOME. wama nation rise this week was peak.... the way he responds to wada in extra credit is so fucking sweet, and him reading chibas story (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) to help wada fall asleep was so fucking adorable I lost it. hama is truly someone with so much love to give.

wada this week has clearly been going through a lot. I think definitely in chapter 4, he's starting to grow a bit more confidence and strength to move forward, but shit is hard. it makes sense for wada to backpedal a bit. i knew a lot of what happened cause of wada.exe but damn was it so painful hearing it VOICED. shout out to literallt every single tetro VA, i think their work has absolutely enhanced the story so beautifully. wada has so much to deal with and his past will always be with him. “it can't be trauma because that means it won't go away”, was a really striking line. i really loved all the lines in these episodes, they held so much power.

oh yanagi, you sweet son of a bitch. I'm so worried for his survival chances this chapter, he's been serving everyone. he treated Monomoko to the princess experience despite everything. he helped wada talk about his issues with food and set out to help him do something about it, just like how he did with his sister. he kept trying until finally having the opportunity to talk to hayashi. yanagi is someone who knows where he comes from, but has made huge strides and constant effort to not be like his father.

and finally, speaking of families. watari. oh my goodness, I love watari so much. her interview was amazing, it was such a rollercoaster (girlie is the number one wama n hasemura fan lmfaoo), but I really enjoyed the whole thing. i had a suspicion that she really just longed to be a teenager without responsibilities when I read her secret files, but damn. i think the wish for her mom to be more involved is something so sad but so real. tons of kids have to end up taking care of their siblings like how watari has to, and it’s a lot on someone who’s still growing themselves. i didn’t make that connection to why she loved having fun with okazaki until this interview, and wow. Firefox nation how we feeling (im going to explode UAHSHDJEJEJE). this killing game, ironically, gave her the opportunity to be free, just for a bit. i also find her instinct to say she wants to be an only child interesting, as I think it’s instinct to blame the immediate people around you for a problem that is more (likely?) systematic. but in reality all she wants is her mom to do things for her, like a mother should.

I think this is the first proper time watari has acknowledged how she’s been feeling about Okazaki (Y’all are cruel with these questions LMAO). okazaki was someone she could have fun with, to enjoy herself with. okazaki let her be who she wished she could’ve been, and she wanted her. if Okazaki hadn’t killed like she did, maybe things would be different. clearly, under all her hatred and anger towards Okazaki for the fucked up things she did, she loved her. she misses her. she still wants to be foxes with her, in another life, where they can start over and have a clean slate. she wants to spend life with the one who let her be the carefree teenager she wanted to be. she wants her. don’t mind me bawling my eyes out!

overall, I've really loved the themes of support from tetro recently. I think it's been a common reminder coming through that people need others to keep going. support is a powerful thing, and when so many of the cast of tetro have been alone in some aspect during their life, finding the people to help them through it to move on through their life is an incredibly powerful thing.

[gtwscratch]

Wanted to share some of my headcanons about X!Impulse (and Skizz)! Ngl i meant to put these in the end notes of Demon in a Glass Box and then forgot. So uh… putting them here now!

- Impulse has a little bit of hearing loss! He has what sounds like void static in his ears from the experiments. He can still hear mostly fine, but things are a little muffled and staticky for him.

- he was also the last subject to manifest a superpower. Both his health and Skizz’s starting tanking when the experiments started, and he was on the brink of death for a while after Skizz succumbed to the testing. No one (scientists or other subjects) thought he was going to make it, but he did. Once his superpower manifested, his health stabilized and he’s no longer in any danger of keeling over and dying.

- everyone’s memories of the outside world were sealed away/erased when they were kidnapped, but Impulse got hit particularly hard by that, to the point where he forgot Skizz and his own name. Maybe it was an accident, but my angst brain thinks that it was on purpose as punishment for Skizz causing a scene when they were kidnapped. He caused so much of a scene and nearly got them caught, that in retaliation they made his best friend forget him.

- Impulse can’t teleport through glass after his powers were reduced to only being line of sight. He could at first.

- he’s very mad at himself for not being able to remember the outside world and being able to escape when his powers would’ve allowed him to. And he’s even more upset at himself for forgetting Skizz.

- ghost Skizz is just watching him spiral with all this self-blaming and is in absolute agony being unable to do anything. And he refuses to leave even for a minute, forcing himself to watch Impulse go through all the testing because he’s got no one else. Even though he doesn’t know Skizz is there. He also always responds whenever Impulse is talking to him. And he’s holding onto the hope that Cleo’s powers will be strong enough to bring him back as himself at least temporarily so he can talk to Impulse again.

- Impulse would absolutely have several casualties if he wasn’t restrained and sedated constantly because he is mad as hell for what they did to him and Skizz. He wants them to pay for what they’ve done. All his time in his cell is spent plotting with barely any knowledge of the compound and talking to Skizz. He’s biding his time and waiting for an opportunity and won’t let it go very easily.

I’m absolutely loving all of these! I love seeing what you guys think about the Project X characters.

I wasn’t expecting people to be as invested in Skizz and Impulse as they are. They’re going to have to have a bigger role in the story.

[ddeserteagle]

Gonna add my take.

The Lion - SpecOps commander. You will see him commanding the most difficult operations somewhere in a jungle. He'll build his career to reach the highest posts.

Fulgrim - luxury fashion brands mogul. Whatever high-end product you can find, be it clothing, perfumes, even champagne - it's probably made by a brand that belongs to Fulgrim. And it will be f-ing perfect!

Perturabo - architect, urban planning. Surprisingly, he doesn't want to do anything even remotely connected to military engineering, he want to develop cities. The most awe-inspiring skyscrapers would be designed by him, of course. Gardening is his hobby that he keeps in secret.

Khan - world-famous Formula 1 champion driver.

Leman Russ - he owns a pub. Actually, the business goes so well, that he creates a whole chain of them, inspired by the drinking culture of Scandinavia and British Isles

Rogal Dorn - CEO of the largest construction and development company. Unfortunately, due to this fact alone he has to deal with Perturabo on a regular basis, being the main - and literally unrivaled - contractor for Perturabo's projects. Relationship ensues.

Rob - head of the most popular (and effective) political party, the ideal bureaucrat, reaching as far as becoming the head of the government/prime-minister/president/etc. (easily winning national elections, of course).

Magnus - Ivy league university professor, world-known researcher in the fields of quantum physics. His hobby is astronomy.

Sanguinius - a born diplomat and humanitarian, he has led many charitable projects throught the years. Eventually became secretary-general of UN. Has huge fan base, his staff cry happily just from the fact they work for him.

Ferrus Manus - robotics and cybernetics engineer. His research will bring us the first self-driven cars and humanoid personal assistants. He also invests heavily in AI development. Basically, a modern-day Prometheus, bringing the light of technology and wisdom to humanity.

Vulkan - firefighter chief, later becomes the minister of emergency services.

Corvus Corax - social activist. He fights for social justice and is one of the world's most known volunteers, able to organize huge crowd funding campaigns and pressure politicians or rich entrepreneurs to compliance.

Horus - his dad wanted him to study law and become a politician, but Horus chose military career. It's proven to be the right choice as his war genius has led him to become a nation's armed forces commander. Secretly funds a private military company a-la Blackwater.

Lorgar - he is a f-ng Pope. Sits in his Vatican Palace and gives speeches. Many speeches. Highly influential, which doesn't sit right with some people.

Konrad - a forensic psychologist / criminal profiler. The kind of person who'd probably work with Hannibal Lecter in order to catch criminals. In the end, he'd probably make Hannibal cry.

Angron - a world champion in boxing, who has never been defeated in his career yet. Has a large fan base on social media, where he sometimes voices rather controversial opinions. Grew up in an orphanage in harsh conditions, which led to many childhood traumas. Deep in his heart, he's a fluffy bunny, though, who just wants love and recognition.

Mortarion - bio-engineer, bioweapons researcher. The kind of person, who would develop Covid-999 in his lab.

Alpharius / Omegon - chief of national counter-intelligence. No one knows if this is one single person or he has an evil twin. Shrouded in mystery and is a hero of many conspiracy theories, as well as internet memes.

Out of curiosity, what do ya'll think the primarchs jobs would be in a modern setting? Totally asking for a friend, no nefarious reasons

[depressnt]

If I ever wrote a Wicked dnd au (tw massive rant!)

There'd be 8 grimmeries that encompass the 8 schools of magic, written by the wise ones and enchanted with sentience, they all choose one powerful magic user who encompasses their school to be able to read it, but people only know of the Transmutative Grimmerie- the bronze one- because there's a spell that keeps it in the emerald palace and the wizard tries to brute force it to work for him, and none of the others have come out of hiding and are instead waiting for a magic user to discover them

I say magic users because they won't always necessarily pick a wizard just because Wizards are those most likely to use spellbooks. The grimmeries choose someone who will use their spells to the betterment of Oz, and sometimes they won't even pick someone who specializes in the school of magic they represent

Also, Galinda is a wizard. People pretend she's a bard, but she is 100% a wizard. I'm sorry but I don't see her being selfless or dedicated enough to be able to practice as a support class, and while that one wicked dnd au where she's a cleric is wonderful, I'm a wizard Galinda truther. She WANTS to study magic, she's BEEN studying magic her wholeeee life, she wishes it were innate but it isn't so she's gonna grab magic BY THE BALLS and bend it to her will. Whether she specializes in enchantments (charms) or illusion is something I'm still debating, probably enchantment, but I hc Conjuration comes easily to her because she knows how to make something out of nothing (through lying), and doesn't want to lie but she kind of has to do it all the time and it sucks, she wants her lies to not be fake anymore, she's an honest gall! Just sometimes honesty gets you killed real damn dead. I think the Evocation grimmerie might like her, she's selfish enough to call on the aggressive nature of its spells for her own gain, and it just so happens that "her own gain" is "making Oz the kind of place Elphaba can live safely again" (I read a two chapter 34k word gelphie hurt/comfort reunion fic, and her characterization just KILLED me, I'm never gonna stop thinking of her, I love her)

(Found the link!)

Elphaba wants to be a wizard soooo bad, but she's a wild magic sorceress <33 Unsleeping City homebrew style, where her wild magic surges build up over time like Pete's, she can't STAND it and she nearly hurt so many people whenever she surged, the transmutation grimmerie picks her both as a way to get out of the palace, and because she wants to enact Good and Solid change in Oz, and it likes that

Fiyero is a swashbuckler rogue who switches his sword out for a gun in act 2, and maybe switches subclasses to mastermind to try and help Elphaba as best he can (reference to mastermind's ability to use Help action from 30 feet away, alsp it was HIS idea to fake her death) (a revived or phantom rogue would also make perfect plot sense, but I don't see it for his character)

Nessa is a commoner until she gets the ruby slippers, which is when she realizes she needs to step up her game if she's to stay with the Charmed Circle, so she becomes a ranger, maybe a monster slayer- seeking out Elphaba to kill her with a gun (hc her father taught her to shoot when guns became a thing, because it was novel and interesting and she liked the power it gave her despite the chair) before having a change of heart

Boq is either a Barbarian or a fighter in my mind, maybe a champion fighter tbh? He'd have been Nessa's (unwilling) right hand during the dictatorship, and I'd believe she'd force him to essentially head whatever military she might have amassed, I think she'd gladly try and seceed from Oz. And also the Tin Woodman was wild with an axe in the books! (Allegedly) (still gotta read those), I think he'd find some release in physical prowess, maybe holding out hope he'd be able to fight his way out, since he was clearly too smitten to smart his way out of... pretty much any situation in his life

[whatisamildopinion]

Have we (the fandom) considered that any of the Rat Grinders subclasses were "suggested" by Porter? And if so, what do you think the different ones could be? Because no way would Ruben be a whispers bard with how he was before being rage-starred.

oh boy. oh boy. I certainly had not considered that (I fear I'm less obsessed with the ratgrinders than the average fantasy high fan) BUT this is a fascinating idea and I will admit it has me Thinking. so. here's my subclass change (or lack of change) ideas:

KIPPERLILLY:

this girl was always a Mastermind. she walked into school with her adventuring party name picked out and a four year plan of how best to game the system. she then proceeded to Get Got by a combination of Evil Teacher Plot and her own worst instincts, but I don't think Porter suggested her subclass. I think she was one of those kids that said "I'm gonna be a Mastermind" when she was like six and meant it with her whole entire heart. There's a reason Porter noticed her first.

RUBEN:

oh boy. I struggled with this one but you're so right, that boy was NOT a whispers bard before Porter happened. not with his jack johnson banana pancakes music. I toyed with the idea of Glamour or Eloquence, but I suspect he was probably College of Creation first. the most aggressively uplifting, not-combative bard college he could find. he probably used the Performance of Creation feature to just summon board games whenever he felt like it. the high five heroes were always very split on whether the constant uno games were endearing or annoying. Porter pushes, even before the rage star, for a subclass switch. Creation isn't angry enough. it doesn't go well with his god of endless, fiery vengeance. Whispers would be better, wouldn't it, Ruben? stronger. don't you want to take care of your party, Ruben? don't you want to do what's best for them? Ruben doesn't actually switch until after he's been rage-starred. his subclass changes without him even meaning it to happen. he tries to create things and they come out wrong. he's different, now. creation tastes weak. he's so angry. he doesn't want to make things anymore. he wants to break them. Porter gets what he wanted.

IVY:

like Kipperlilly, I suspect that Ivy also already had her subclasses picked out. Gloomstalker is a great subclass, and my impression of Ivy is that, even before all the rage star stuff happened, she was kind of. trying to be Not Like Other Girls, if that makes sense? like, one of those girls that's more inclined to be clique-ish and snippy, who likes to be feminine but hates the idea of being like other people, so she picks an "edgy" subclass to feel different. Now, the thing I do wonder about with Ivy is whether or not her multiclass was a result of Porter and the rage star. I can very easily see Ivy being just a ranger before the rage star. it seems like she leans toward the more magic-focused aspects of fighting, but consider: she picks ranger because she loves archery, because she likes the aesthetic, because she wants to fight but she doesn't want the ugly, up-close nature of fighting with a sword or an axe or a knife or even her hands. and then, post rage star, she's so angry. angry enough to want it, suddenly, that ability to fight ugly, to push herself further. ranger isn't enough anymore. so she multiclasses, and picks the subclass that dovetails best with her ranger features: Arcane Archer. it's just practical. she doesn't want the subclasses that allow her to guide her party members, like Battle Master. that's kipperlilly's thing. Ivy just wants to be able to make it hurt when she hits something. Porter doesn't suggest her subclasses, but his presence ends up influencing it anyway.

OISÍN:

best friends in all aspects, I think Oisín falls under the same category as Ivy. subclass he chose that comes back Wrong when he does. Oisín wants to understand the world by understanding how to make things. he wants to understand how things come apart by understanding how they come together. he's got some dragon heritage going on in there, and it makes him more interested in the tangible than the intangible. he shys away from the more abstract subclasses like chrononurgy, enchantment, illusion, divination. they just don't interest him. for the same reason, when Porter tries to suggest War Magic, he gives it a shot. he tries, really, for the sake of their mentor who he thinks has given them so much. but it doesn't stick. it's too abstract. it's not concrete enough for him. (this is, incidentally enough, part of why he's so impressed with Adaine wizards who have these types of subclasses. he doesn't know how they can do it, and it's a source of intense admiration for him.) he loves conjuration. it's the thing he's good at and the thing that interests him the most. then, after the rage star, it's a source of obsession. any attempts to get him to change subclasses only inspire fury. somewhere in the back of his mind, he's holding on to it as twisted proof that this can be normal, that this can be fine. see? look. he's not that different, is he?

MARY ANN:

Porter considers trying to get Mary Ann to be a Zealot barbarian. but before the rage star, she's just doesn't care. she's along for the ride because her party is. she has her interests, her games, her own entertainment, and that is, for the most part, separate from how she interacts with the school and with her party. plus, there's the pesky problem of trying to explain to the school what god, exactly, she is a zealot of. in the early days of the plan, it's far too soon to risk some of the more cognizant teachers from noticing what's happening. Mary Ann is profoundly disinterested in the goals of the mission and honestly, Porter is fine with that. he knows where his plan is going. she'll be with them one way or another, by the end. and after the rage star, her Berserker habits go from average for a barbarian to feral. she's uncontrollable in battle. she's everything Porter wanted, and he barely had to change anything at all.

LUCY:

lucy. oh god, lucy. to start, I don't think we ever actually learned her official subclass? someone can correct me, if we did. but without further evidence, I think her subclass originally was Peace, following her interpretation of Ruvina as a goddess of holding each other through the cold. Porter fucking hates it. he tries so, so, so hard to get her to switch to War. he almost succeeds. like Oisín, she tries it. she tries to want it. it's for her party, right? it's for kipperlilly. she can do it for kipperlilly, for her friend who wants this so badly. it doesn't matter how deeply the magic tastes like rot and flame. she can want that, right? (she can't.) the subclass change is part of the paperwork she files along with her change of deity. she submits it and then realizes that she can't. that she won't. that it's not worth it. Ruvina, what have I become? what are we becoming? this isn't what I believe in. this isn't what peace looks like. why would I ever choose this, when the magic tastes like this? when it feels this wrong? she tries to tell kipperlilly. she tries to apologize. and her party kills her for it. in the afterlife, everything is rot and flame. but why would she choose to go back, just to have the same thing? she's a cleric of Ruvina. she decided that she would never change that when she took back the paperwork. she's not changing her mind now. not even for kipperlilly. she can't. she won't. it's the first time she's ever not done something to make kipperlilly happy. lucy sticks to her guns. (later, after far too long wandering through endless rot and flame, a doorway full of cool twilight opens up before her, and she takes it. a hand to hold in the darkness. really, cassandra isn't all that different from her own goddess.)

BUDDY:

Porter doesn't have to suggest it. He doesn't have to suggest anything. When Buddy wakes up, his chest is full of flames, and the hatred that has been fed to him by his own church for years transforms his subclass in the instance of his resurrection. like he said, he worships a god of War.

[reallyhardydraws]

i overhauled my old ronnie dress up doll via @meikerio !

i tried to keep the same or similar items in her wardrobe to the old version, (but there were some i just genuinely didn't like enough anymore 😅) and then i added more pieces. like a lot more.

her wardrobe is very full now -- and i hope you enjoy dressing her up! feel free to share your outfit combos for her with me too.

[play here! 🧛‍♀️🍓💟🌟☂️]