#and i like not having to worry about budget so i can go ham and get a ton of items

[twinklefantasia]

on one hand wanting them to bring over features from style savvy

on the other hand wanting fashion dreamer to be able to be its own game....

[luveline]

Hi there! I hope your day’s been going well :)

Could you maybe write something with Spencer where Reader faints? Feel free to ignore this if you’re not up for it!!

thank u for ur request! fem!reader, 1.6k

"It's so hot," you say, startled. The lobby of the hotel had been blissfully air-conditioned. The difference hits you immediately. 

"Don't worry about blazers or professional attire," Hotch says, though he quickly amends, "within reason."

You take off your jacket and follow the herd of the BAU into the black SUVs. The SUVs are even hotter than the outdoors, blistering ovens of heat that have you feeling nauseous instantaneously. Spencer rubs your arm with the back of his hand swiftly —it's a friendly touch to say he's here, but it's quick to prevent any unnecessary added heat. 

It's August in Texas, 107 degrees Fahrenheit. Emily smells distinctly of sunscreen from the front passenger seat. Derek, behind the wheel, looks hot around the collar. Spencer looks as though he wishes he'd had a haircut before he came, chin length curls tucked tight behind his ears. 

Despite this, none of them complain beyond the general whine every now and then. You try very hard to shut up and focus on the case with them, but as the day goes on, bumping you from hot car to hot crime scene (with all inclusive smells of gore!), you feel wobbly on your feet. 

"Spence?" you ask, sitting in a hard-backed chair in the police precinct. 

"Yeah?" He doesn't look away from the geographical profile he's building. You're supposed to be helping, but your notes are half-hearted, likely useless. "What?" 

"Do you have any water?" 

He pushes a pin into the left of the map and grabs a ruler. "No, sorry. There's a staff room by the bullpen, the secretary said to help ourselves. Actually, she said to 'go ham.'"

"Okay. I'll be right back. And I'll be more helpful." 

"You're plenty helpful," he murmurs, leaning down to follow the line of his rules with a pencil. 

You don't feel helpful, you feel awful. Head heavy, eyes aching, every step sends a jolt through your teeth and jaw, your skull like a mashed potato. You know you're a poor sight with sweat wetting your hair and a crawling sensation between your legs and the fabric of your pants. 

Letting yourself into the staff room, you're unsurprised to find a bone dry water cooler and a crate of water bottles with only one remaining. Spencer needs a drink too, and he has a thing about germs. You frown at the water bottle as though that might duplicate it, but when it doesn't, you're forced to take it and put it under your arm. You look around for a mug to at least have some tap water no matter how ill-advised that may be. They're all dirtied in the sink and on tables. Fuck. 

Spencer is super, super lovely to you. You wonder sometimes if he might ask you out, or at least want to, but most of the time you're sure it's just a little extra friendliness because he knows how it feels to be the youngest on the team, how patronised or lonely it gets. And the weight of trying to prove yourself every mission, it's almost as heavy as your head. 

"Hey," Spencer says as you open the conference room door. "I think I've worked something out. Could you call Garcia for me? I've got dry-erase marker on my hands." 

"Got this for you," you say, offering him the bottle. He takes it without looking. 

"Thanks. Are you feeling any better? I know you can be sensitive to the heat." 

"Maybe we can get portable fans on the FBI budget next year," you say wistfully, pushing a chair in at the table. You lean on it to grab the phone in the middle of a sea of papers and cases and jackets, black spots popping up in your vision. "My head's rushing." 

"Hey, guys," Emily says, sounding strangely chipper as she and Hotch trudge in. Her hair is in a tight ponytail away from her face. 

You try to greet them and end up hanging your head. 

"Y/N," Spencer chokes, alarmed.

You slump forward over the chair, desperate to keep your footing and failing. Your shin knocks into the chair and your hands grasp at the top of it, but you can't hold yourself up any longer, knocking your face into the chair as you collapse. A cheap tent in a strong breeze, you fall with little more than a weak sigh. 

You're hurting a lot when you come to, blinking like your lashes have been brushed with glue. The lights have been turned off, and a blissful chill soaks your hairline. Someone presses a water bottle to your lips and lifts your head. You drink half the contents in three gulps and get laid down again with the utmost care. 

"She's coming around," Hotch says. 

Your neck aches propped over a leg. Two deft hands hold your head still. 

"Don't move too much," Spencer says, his voice odd. You blink as his face moves into view upside down. "An EMT is on the way, okay? You passed out." 

You can't find your voice. Spencer strokes your cheek with his thumb, says, "Hey, can you hear me? Let's hear your voice. Talk to me." 

"You don't sound like yourself," you say hoarsely, each word tenuous. You wince at the bruising heat that radiates from your nose with each word. 

"I'm worried about you," Spencer admits. "It makes it hard to stay objective." 

"No, you sound funny." 

"I'm worried," he repeats. His smile is strained. 

"She's okay," Hotch says. 

You realise Emily's got your hand in hers when she squeezes it. "Have you had anything to drink today?" she asks you, fondly incredulous. 

"No, she hasn't, and I didn't say anything about it. I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry, Y/N," Spencer says. 

"Y/N's responsible for her own preservation, Reid. And it's been a tough case, with the heat. Let's not blame anyone for anything." You press your chin to your chest to see Hotch's anxious frown. "We will be having a discussion about this later." 

You turn your face into Spencer's thigh. "Oh." 

"Don't close your eyes," Hotch says. He employs a firm, boss-like tone that has you rushing to follow orders. "You hit your head." 

"I don't feel well," you complain, wanting to close your eyes.

"Considering your behaviour," Spencer says, one of his hands trailing down your face, neck, and collar, where he rests it genially, "you likely have a mild to moderate concussion. And you're dehydrated, so you'll be feeling the effects more severely."

"Why haven't you been drinking?" Emily asks. 

"I just…" You blink sluggishly. "I don't know… We don't take anything that isn't coffee with us places and…" You lean your cheek into Spencer's hand, not quite connecting that it's his hand, or that you're laying on the precinct floor. "They only had one bottle in the staff room." 

"Why didn't you drink it?" Spencer asks softly. 

"I knew you hadn't had anything to drink, either." 

"We could've shared," he says, sounding genuinely confused. 

"You don't like sharing stuff like that. Germs." 

Spencer's voice is barely above a whisper, "I wouldn't care about your germs, Y/N. They're your germs." 

You don't have time to ask him what he means, but you've ample time to think about it on loop when the EMT arrives. He props you up, checking you over thoroughly, shining a light in your eyes and deeming you concussed.

"You don't have to see a doctor," the EMT advises. "But we're happy to take you to the hospital if that's what you want." 

"Yes," Spencer says, as you say, "No." 

Spencer puts a hand on your shoulder blade. It is an extremely forward move on his part, so unlike him that you recognise how odd it is despite your foggy mind. "She should go." 

"She fainted, Spencer," Emily says. 

"Exactly! So she should go to the hospital and–"

"I didn't break anything," you say, waving a shaky hand at the small but concerned crowd of people you've attracted. 

"Luckily," the EMT says. "Drink plenty of water and take it easy. Don't be afraid to call again if you feel worse." 

Hotch walks the EMT out, needing to take a phone call. Emily goes with him, promising to return with a dry shirt for you to wear now that yours has been soaked at the collar by the water they'd been cooling you down with while you were unconscious. 

Spencer settles practically knee to knee with you in two of the uncomfortable chairs, his assessing gaze frankly perturbing. 

"You'd share germs with me?" you ask. 

Spencer's hand leaps across the gap to yours where it rests on your knee. His eyes, brown and sweet, have all the light of a blinding smile as his lips quirk into something more sheepish. "If it stopped you from fainting, yeah. And even if it didn't, I'd be stupid to care about germs when I…" 

You breathe out slowly. "When you what?" 

"Well," he says, looking down at your hands. "I guess I just wouldn't mind your germs, that's all." 

If he's saying what you think he's saying, he's doing it in the most Spencer Reid way possible. Concussed, your charisma fails you. You've no wit to tease him with. 

You fold your hand around his. "Thanks for catching me," you say gently. 

He squeezes your fingers clumsily. "You're welcome. But it was actually mostly Emily." 

[gaywatch]

So I started watching the first episode of The Sign, right? I'd had it on my computer for a couple/few days and couldn't immediately remember what it was actually about, but I knew it was a new Thai BL genre mashup thing I'd seen on my dash and that's good enough for me.

A team of special agents infiltrate a big warehouse/facility place at night. Okay. Cool. There are bombs and a hostage? Sure. One guy tells other guys what to do, so he must be the leader, and he tells a few guys to focus on the bombs and the others to find the hostage. They encounter bad guys when they get inside, and some of the fight choreo is cool and some of it is absurd, but I'm just happy to be seeing an action-oriented BL series and I've seen worse crimes committed by a low budget, no big deal.

But it's been a few minutes into the first episode now, and I'm starting to wonder a few things. We have stakes, technically: there are bombs and a hostage--it would be bad if the bombs went off while the team was inside because they would get hurt or killed, and by default we don't want to see a hostage harmed.

But we have no context. At all. I'm five minutes in and I know nothing. Who's the hostage? Who are the bad guys? What do the bad guys want? Why do I care? I'm assuming this is like some quick action-y beginning and we'll cut to a main character at some point to see the "real" first scene of the show, but now it's been like seven minutes and we're still here in this warehouse place. If the special ops team are supposed to be the cast, I haven't heard a single scrap of dialogue that wasn't about the task at hand. I haven't even seen anyone's face yet.

Tagging @bengiyo, @lurkingshan 'cause they were interested in a side comment I made about this in some tags.

Even when they finally start to pull up their masks and talk, it's all immediate business (which is somewhat understandable given they're in danger but we're still lacking important context). Who am I rooting for? Who are these dudes? Why is this one sequence taking over ten minutes without giving me anything or anyone to latch onto? Are they assuming I read a blurb on the premise of the show and then immediately hit play? Because that's a cardinal sin--you never assume that everyone who watches your show or reads your book will know the premise, even in this day and age. You always lay in the necessary exposition/context to immediately anchor the audience into the premise and main character (or cast). (The only time you can assume everyone already knows at least the broad strokes of a concept is in fanfiction, but even then there could still be changes you made that you need to clue people in on from the get go. )

Then Tharn got his first premonition about Phaya, and I was like 'ohhhh, this is a story about a guy with some form of precognition who's in some sort of special forces. I wish they could have brought this up ten minutes ago, but okay.'

And finally, the big reveal: it's all a test! They're trainees, not officers! Well, that certainly explains why we got zero context all this time, because they didn't want to give away The Trick. Except it didn't feel like a clever rug pull at all. Worrying that the audience will clue in to what's going on doesn't mean you get to just Not Tell Them. You mislead them instead. The team could have easily rattled off the necessary details and context about the mission--after the training reveal, we would have chalked it up to practice mission prep. And with no context or reason to care about anything, I sat there for fifteen minutes only to be told that I didn't have to care anyway because it was all staged.

I would have taken any context, even something super cliche and ham fisted. "Okay boys, remember: our old mission commander is being held hostage in there and they'll kill him unless we hand over their psychotic leader. It took us weeks to track them down to this warehouse, and if they escape again it's game over. Don't let me down!" or something, anything for me to latch onto besides Dudes Doing Things. It's okay to mislead the audience, in fact you pretty much have to in order to pull the well worn "it was all an exercise" trick in the first place.

And fifteen minutes to pull all that off was a rather astonishing waste of screen time. The opening scene in the 2009 reboot of Star Trek establishes a handful of characters, makes you care about them, takes them through an amazing high stakes action sequence, and has you in tears at the end as we watch a guy we've only known for a few minutes sacrifice himself to save what's left of the crew as the film's protagonist--his son--is literally born, and it does all of that in almost half the time.

Compare that to The Sign, where in fifteen minutes we know: dudes in black fight things, one guy has premonitions, and actually they're trainees. No complexity, emotional stakes, or context beyond that. I was floored.

But what really made my jaw drop came after that.

A first episode has a lot of heavy lifting to do. You're introducing a world, a cast, promising the type of fun that's to be had, kickstarting the central relationships, etc etc. One of the most fundamental aspects to all this set up is to let us know why the main character/cast is here, what they're trying to do, and why it matters if they fail. And the entire first episode of the sign doesn't have that. At all. Period.

Oh, we're introduced to characters, the harsh training, Tharn's gift, Tharn and Phaya's initial dynamic, but once again we're given no context or emotionally relevant exposition. Who are these dudes? Why are they training? Why do they care about becoming special ops? What's their motivation? Goals? Obstacles in the way of that goal? Motive/Goal/Obstacle is the engine of story, and we're not given a single one until--and this is what blew my mind--almost halfway through the second episode.

In episode two we finally get a line from Tharn's bff about how if Tharn doesn't get onto the special ops team he won't be able to investigate his dad's (parents? can't remember) mysterious death.

A goal! A reason to care about Tharn's training! Emotional investment! Except it's coming way, way, wayyyyyyyyyyy too late. We should have known about this in the first five minutes of episode one. They should've found another fake hostage, Tharn should've lifted his mask and said "shit, if we fail this I'll never have what I need to find out how dad died." THANK YOU, now I have a reason to care.

I was shocked at such a massive oversight, like I'm gonna remember it as a cautionary example for a long time 'cause that's just wild to me.

[quietbluejay]

Scoop&Dreadwing's Excellent Adventure: Director's Commentary

Chapter 1: Sometimes I Can Still Hear His Voice

And thus begins the running gag of Dreadwing not remembering people's names correctly. There is nothing in canon that supports this, I just thought it was funny.

This chapter gets into "hey, so how DID Scoop join the Decepticons after Dark Cybertron anyways"

Writing Galvatron as a large ham was both very fun and completely in-character for him. Writing him as just rolling with Scoop showing up, is also I believe in character for him.

“What about you?” Dreadwing asked. “Why were you in this fight?” “Well, it was the end of the world,” Scoop said. “Everyone was going to die. What, was I supposed just sit there and panic about how I screwed up enough that things got to this point?” The last part seemed oddly specific. “Sorry,” said Scoop. “Nothing to do with you.” “Seems like it’s kind of putting the blame on yourself a lot,” said Dreadwing. He racked his brains trying to remember if Scoop had been involved at all at any stage of the process. “Not really,” said Scoop. “I was just…never mind.”

For those of you who are normal and haven't reread every scene with Scoop ever, Scoop is obliquely talking about Starscream here. In Dark Cybertron, Starscream does in fact panic about how he screwed up enough for things to get as bad as they did, and everyone's depending on him. Scoop is I believe the main voice in the comic telling him he screwed up - no I mean literally, Starscream visited Scoop in jail, he wasn't hearing voices (this time).

“All right, then,” said Dreadwing. He looked out over the flat plains and wished they had some kind of cover. They were the opposite of stealthy, right now, which was wrong and a violation of the natural laws of the universe. He was a stealth bomber, emphasis on stealth. He wasn’t made to stand outside on a featureless plain. And what was with that, anyways? It was like Primus had been short on time and budget when he’d made this part of Cybertron, and not bothered to fill it in.

The background art for Dark Cybertron in general was great, this is actually more of a dig at some of the bits of IDW2 which were, let's just say, very sparse with the background, and I was actively reading it at the time I was writing this fic.

I spent some time thinking about how exactly Shockwave would send the time travel ship plans to the past before going "sure why not, he can just send it to Dreadwing's brain, weirder things have happened". Don't think too hard about it.

Don't think too hard about how quickly the two of them teamed up either.

A lot of this fic really needed to be fleshed out, and this is visible starting in this chapter, where I have a very short scene that honestly really needed to be expanded on to make sense. Look, I had a deadline and I ran out of time due to chronic illness which is why I worry about doing any other fic events or exchanges in the future.

“You should put on one of those face things,” said Dreadwing. “You know, like that old coot who says he knew the Thirteen. Also lenses. And a fake nose. No one will recognize you then.”

The beginning of the moustache running gag. This was not in fact the first one I wrote, but it is the first chronologically.

Scoop looked like he was about to say something else, but his attention was caught by someone standing at the bar and he did a double take. “Sandstorm?!” The guy holding one end of a cabinet also did a double take. The cabinet started to slip from his fingers. “Scoop?!”

So one thing I really wanted to write about was Scoop and Sandstorm meeting up I'm going to go feral and chew my bookcases to shreds they were both in the Wreckers together!!! They both ended up in jail!!! They were both secret agents for Starscream!!! Scoop and his offscreen character arc that only exists in my head had so much relevance for Sandstorm and his!! Hot take the reason it only exists in my head is because there's no way Barber could ever write religion as having a positive effect on anyone Context on this: there's a reason I explained the high concept of this fic to people as "mad scientist's minion and ex-black ops soldier who found religion team up to build a time machine and save the space-time continuum" (yes I realize that's ignoring blackrock) (sorry blackrock). Because "ex-black ops soldier who found religion" really is just about the only valid explanation for how Scoop went from being in the Wreckers in Stormbringer to the :D altruist we meet in the leadup to Dark Cybertron. I'm going to make a post about this later, fear not.

“Sure, I can grab you some of those…insignia,” said the bartender. “Any friend of Sandstorm’s is a friend of mine.”

This whole bit I wrote at the last minute because I really needed to explain HOW they got the fake moustaches. I did end up lampshading "hey isn't this convenient". That makes it fine then, right? (lol)

“Gotta say,” said Rattrap. “Of all the things I expected to see here, you in a bad disguise did not make the list.” “Hello, Rattrap,” said Scoop. “Oh good, it’s a friend of yours,” said Dreadwing. Rattrap snorted. “Oh yeah, me and Scoop are real close buddies, right, Scoop? After all, here I am, not tryin’ to arrest you after you evaded justice.”

Canon SHOULD have given us any kind of resolution between Rattrap and Scoop but it did not. So I wrote it here lol.

Dreadwing pointed his very large gun at Rattrap. “What about now?” “Dreadwing!” said Scoop, stepping in front of Rattrap. “You can’t just threaten to shoot him!” “The fate of the universe is at stake here, Scoop! We need that nucleon! Also he framed you,” Dreadwing said, puzzled. “That doesn’t mean it’s okay to kill him, Dreadwing!”

Given some stuff in...some comics about ends justifying the means, I did want to make it a repeated element of Scoop's characterization that he would point out "hey you know what, that's still wrong". Also it's really fun to bounce off of Dreadwing.

“Dreadwing, you can’t just go around threatening to shoot people if they don’t give you what they want,” said Scoop. “Sure I can,” said Dreadwing. “It’s pretty easy.” “I mean it’s wrong,” said Scoop. “Well, yeah, but how else am I gonna get stuff if people say no? Not like I have any money, and while I am pretty sleek with great colours, I’m not so good looking that people will just give me stuff.” Scoop looked like he was trying to form a response to that when-

We interrupt this serious conversation about morals that brings up the conflict that would inevitably arise between these two because this is a crackfic. I do still want to rewrite that line about Dreadwing basically being like "I'm hot, sure, but I'm not so hot that I get free stuff", it's not snappy enough and it feels a little OOC.

“Hey, wait!” Dreadwing and Scoop turned to see someone neither of them recognized running up behind them. “Sorry, who are you again?” Scoop asked. “I’m Windblade, the cityspeaker,” she said. “What are you doing with all that fuel?”

This whole bit was one of the first bits I wrote after the prologue.

“Yeah yeah, what is it?” “We have a problem! The Decepticons are leaving! You’ve got to get back here fast! I tried to stall but-” “You’re kidding me, Galvatron’s ditching me? And keeping you? No offence,” he tacked on.

Yeah this makes no freaking sense in canon either. When I was, I don't remember if I was planning out the fic or if it was even before that, I was like "hey wait what is UP with this". WHY did Galvatron ditch Dreadwing on Cybertron? HOW did Galvatron ditch Dreadwing on Cybertron? WHAT was Dreadwing doing all that time he was on Cybertron??? It would have been incredible if he'd shown up in the Windblade comics, I had a vague fic idea about it that was hilarious, I'll have to dig it up later.

My Doylistic theory for what happened was that one of Barber or Griffiths forgot to add Dreadwing to any of the scenes of the Decepticons on Earth until it was too late and then Barber had to write around it. I don't have a theory on what actually happened re Scoop joining them.

On the topic of that, there isn't really a good spot if you look through the Dark Cybertron timing. The last time we see him is him sacrificing himself (he survives. obviously) along with Getaway and Starscream having an emotion about it. And Scoop, as I mentioned in this chapter, is supposed to go back to jail. SO he has to meet with either Rattrap or Starscream, get talked into becoming his agent when he was still kind of :/ about Starscream, and then find Galvatron and co and successfully bluff his way past Soundwave THE EMPATH to join the group.

It is really really hard for me to pick a favourite bit from this chapter. I love the comedy cuts between scenes especially but honestly the whole thing from them trying to plan right through the Windblade appearance...I really love it

But I think my favourite lines/exchanges are:

“You should put on one of those face things,” said Dreadwing. “You know, like that old coot who says he knew the Thirteen. Also lenses. And a fake nose. No one will recognize you then.” “Wait, do you mean Alpha Trion?” Scoop asked. Dreadwing shrugged. “He was purple but the stuff on his face was white?” “That was Alpha Trion,” said Scoop in a resigned tone. “You want me to cosplay as Alpha Trion.”

I didn't come up with ex-ticon but I did come up with this exchange:

“A Decepticon bar,” said Scoop, looking a bit askance at the askew “Grand Opening” sign at the door. “These guys all gave up and took off their badges,” said Dreadwing. “It’s an ex-ticon bar.” “That’s not a word.” “It could be!” “But it’s not.”

I love the mental image of Rattrap miming being Dreadwing. And Shockwave does look rather stupid in his altmode, I'm sorry:

“And you! How can you judge me when you’re working with the guy who tried to end the universe!” Rattrap said to Scoop. “For the last time, people, I didn’t know that’s what Shockwave was doing. And you know what? At least I got some cool stuff out of it, like magical healing. And getting to shoot Soundwave. What do you even get, being Starscream’s minion? At least Shockwave has style.” “He really doesn’t,” said Rattrap. “He turns into a giant cannon with a jetpack.” “And it’s awesome,” said Dreadwing. “So, are you gonna give me the nucleon?” Rattrap looked at him like he was an idiot. This was a look Dreadwing was familiar with, because many people he knew were jerks. “No, of course I’m not gonna give it to you,” said Rattrap. “Who are you even going to tell? ‘Yeah, hi, I’m Dreadwing, Shockwave’s goon, yeah he tried to end the universe, anyways, Rattrap framed- wait, don’t call the cops on me!’” Rattrap mimed being a depressed Dreadwing walking sadly away.

Here it is like the very second or third bit I wrote for this fic:

“Nothing weird!” said Dreadwing, in a high pitched voice. He and Scoop did their best to look like normal sensible boring Cybertronians who could be trusted with enough nucleon to level Iacon. Windblade eyed them skeptically. Scoop’s fake glasses started to slip onto his fake nose. He hurriedly pushed them up. “It’s for a ship,” said Scoop. “It’s for a bar,” said Dreadwing at the same time. They looked at each other. “Some of it’s for a bar but most of it is for a ship,” said Scoop, improvising. “We’re leaving Cybertron.” “The bar is a favour for a friend,” said Dreadwing. Windblade frowned. “Is it normal to drink nucleon at Cybertronian bars?” “Yes,” said Dreadwing. “No,” said Scoop. “It’s normal if you’re not a weenie,” said Dreadwing. “Have you ever gone to a bar in your entire life?” “We were just at a bar,” said Scoop. “Not drinking,” he added hastily, looking at Windblade. “We’re completely sober.” “Exactly!” said Dreadwing triumphantly.

Incidentally, I had NO CLUE how to end this scene and get them out of there, originally I think I had Dreadwing going "OH LOOK OVER THERE A DISTRACTION" and them running off pushing large containers of nucleon but that did strain plausibility. Just a touch.

Once again, the thought of stealing a ship and just flying off came to Dreadwing. He gritted his teeth. “No…remember…do it for him. Do it for Shockwave.” And his magical mystery healing rocks.

Honk if you love Shockwave's magical mystery healing rocks. My goodness was that whole subplot silly.

[channelworldbluez]

ME GETTING HIGH AF FOR THE FIRST TIME……

So luck was on my side this week, if we can call it that, and it all started with Thursday, where because of a storm, got sent home early from work, but not only that, my partner for that workday was a super cool woman who stayed in my area and took me home instead of me taking the bus. So I decided to take this early opportunity to change into more comfortable clothes, catch the next available train to visit my gf and spend the day with her. Especially since 1.) I hadn’t seen her in a while because of work and 2.) had such a rough week with another work partner and needed some emotional support I guess.

Anyways this was us laid up in her momma bed watching tv and just vibing and cuddling with each other because her mom wasn’t home and knowing damn well if she wasn’t on vacation and caught us will be in fucking trouble lmaooo

Which was unfortunately cut short because her Aunt(who hates my ass) doesn’t like the fact that I’m snuggled close to her GROWN niece in a house that isn’t even hers(but my gfs mom) but whatever. She looks at me like I’m el Diablo because she’s so “super religious” and I have “bad vibes” 😒

Anyways, this leads to the weekend:

Since my company is on Storm Watch(meaning we can’t work if it’s storming due to safety) I got Friday off as well as the weekend. So I took this opportunity to book me and my gf a hotel for the weekend. Since every time we try to chill and be intimate, we can’t do shit without people bothering us plus the “woes of being an adult living at home blah blah blah”(dont worry I’m working on this and putting savings away) . So me and her just wanted one fucking day to just chill and fuck lmaoo.

So I booked the hotel on a Friday through the hotel app(this will be my first mistake) and head out closer to where she is and check in. Apparently , they didn’t see my reservation(even though they charged me) and made a new one. And despite being pissed tf off because now I got $400 on hold on my account, $200 of that apparently for no reason, I spent time talking to every fucking body and finally my bank said when it’s posted they’ll reverse the shit(since I have proof).

So I’m pissed about that, and still am as I go pick up my gf so we can get something to eat. But what happens next is wild and all started with this little thing:

Yes, that is a Sativa weed pen(or whatever tf it’s called and clearly this ignorance will make sense soon) we bought at the smoke shop near where we were gonna eat. My gf is like “yo let’s see what’s inside.” And I’m like yeah sure. Might even get me a nicotine pen while I’m here.

So we go in, greeted by two cool ass guys(what you would expect working at a smoke shop) and they’re just like ohhh we got some budget weed pens there like $15 but don’t let the price fool ya! They hit nice or whatever. And my gf goes bet I want one! So she’s gets the pen and takes it and is just going ham okay like the weed pro that she is! And the two guys there are like losing their minds and I’m just looking at my gf like “woahhh you’re so fucking cool” and then the she turns to me and says, “you should get one!”try it!”

Now me being the virgin baby who never does drugs ever I’m like sure okay what do I do puff it right???

And I do, and I’m immediately coughing up a storm because of this. And I’m like fine I don’t feel shit….waste of $15

But then it HIT ME LIKE A SEMI TRUCK.

We were leaving the smoke shop and headed to Metro(gf wanted to pay her phone bill right quick) and I’m all fine and dandy(still kinda pissed about the hotel double charge) but then I FEEL IT.

Time is slowing down, people are talking slowly, I’m moving slowly, I’m talking slowly, everything is SLOW.

And because it happened so quick, like my mood changes so quickly, I start freaking out, like panic attack mode, and I’m like telling my girl “I need to get out of here I need to leave!”

So she’s calming my high ass down, she’s like “we’ll get some food you’ll feel okay.” And I’m like in another world.

Sounds are more apparent to me, I notice the wind hitting me different(it was a windy day) I start smiling more when my gf hugs me, music sounds more intense to me, everything is just.:..more??? Nigga idk, but every time something would disrupt this calmness I’d panick and get disgruntled. Like when the food worker kept asking me shit(which is his job lol) I wanted to punch him lmaooo. So my gf is like let’s just go home and get you home.

So the walk home is…hazy….at best but…I know I was high af. Like is this why yall niggas smoke weed???? Well damn I see now….

So we get to her house, and I’m just like cuddling her and playing with her hair and like I feel sooooo goood and I’m listening to music and like music sounds different?? Like I noticed how different instruments sound like idk lmaooo.

My gf meanwhile is just enjoying the fuck outta this, and just holding me and laughing because I’m just saying all this dumb ass shit that comes to my head. And n she’s just consoling her dumb high ass gf at this point.

Also I’m hungry!!! I had like a sub sandwich plus a family size bag of hot Cheetos, milk, and some soda…. And some gummies and a whole box of cookies….

Anyways, I go head back to the hotel(she’s coming the following day) and just have the best sleep of my life as soon as I get in the room and got in the bed

Saturday:

Saturday I wake up finally myself lol. And then basically we started the day with some brunch at First Watch and went back to the hotel. We had this bomb ass sandwich

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[writer-room]

Siblings: Chapter Four

AO3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Summary: The Bats reflect on how their thoughts about siblings have changed over the years. Some opinions stayed, others didn't.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim didn’t know how to feel about being an only child.

He didn’t think about it all that often, there weren’t many kids he talked to at school who mentioned their siblings all that frequently. And, in some parts, he didn’t mind it so much.

The kids who did talk about siblings complained, whether their siblings were older or younger. There were those who said their sibling took up more of their parents attention, which was something Tim was already lacking in. Some said that they never had any time to themselves, something that Tim had an overabundance in, but still cherished. Others said that the accomplishments, and failures, of their siblings reflected onto them, making their parents expect more or less of them. Tim couldn’t afford that either. His parents already didn’t think much of him, he didn’t need it to be any less. And if they wanted more, he worried he wouldn’t be able to meet their expectations.

And yet…

Sometimes he liked the idea of someone else in that empty mansion. Someone to talk to when the rooms felt too large, when the loneliness was suffocating him. He liked the thought of sharing his recent theories, photos, and the like with someone. Wondered if he could go on for as long as he wanted without being interrupted.

Maybe they’d be someone who didn’t call him by a name that wasn’t his, then feign forgetting. Who didn’t treat his binders like they were assaulting their eyes. Who didn’t scrutinize his every movement for faking.

That’d be nice, he thinks. 

But there were pros and cons, he reasons. And for all he knows, if he had a sibling, they could’ve been just like his parents. Or they could’ve been kinder. Not like he’d ever know.

He had more important things to worry about than hypotheticals and wishes.

“Before you scold me, know that I took a five hour nap earlier today and I’m only getting a snack.”

Steph and Duke blinked at him from the doorway to the kitchen, their expressions a sharp contrast between exasperated and concerned, respectively.

“Wow, five hours?” Steph snarked. “That’s a new record. Are you dying?”

“Not yet,” Tim said, opening the fridge. “Give it a few weeks and I’m sure you’ll see rumors of my tragic defeat at the hands of, I dunno, Flamingo.”

“There’s a supervillain named Flamingo?” Duke exclaimed, staring at Steph incredulously.

“Oh, yeah, it’s a whole thing.” She nodded. “He had a scuffle with Jay and his kid a while back.”

“Jason has a kid?”

“Why are you up, anyway?” Tim talked right over him. “Duke I understand, he’s the disgraced child of the sun. But you patrol at the same time as every other nocturnal person in this house.”

“Hey-”

“I actually had to pretend to have a normal sleep schedule, my mom was getting worried and I didn’t want her finding me sneaking in with my full Spoiler getup on.” Steph explained tiredly. “I’m still trying to recover.”

“Tragic,” Tim hummed, pulling out a container holding a ham sandwich. 

“The only thing that's tragic is your outfit.” Steph snorted, looking him up and down.

Tim blinked, looking down at himself. His outfit consisted of a pair of knockoff Batman shorts, knee-high pastel dinosaur socks, and a long red robe that absolutely did not belong to him hanging loosely off him, exposing countless scars littering his body.

“I look awesome,” Tim said, popping the lid off the container. 

“Damian’s gonna start asking what battles you got your scars from again,” Steph tutted, striding further into the kitchen with a confused Duke following her. “Know that I will not be on your side when Dick notices and gets worried.”

“I’m more worried about Dami seeing this one,” He said, brushing the robe back slightly to reveal a poorly stitched surgical scar on his upper abdomen. “Because then he’s going to ask what happened, and then I’m gonna have to tell him that's where my spleen used to be, and then he's going to be reminded that oh, yeah, his brother has a missing spleen, and then he’s going to be treating everything like its diseased-”

“Does...he keep forgetting you lost your spleen?” Duke blinked, concerned. “I feel like that’d be something you were kinda always aware of…”

“Eh, everyone's worried about a different scar whenever they see ‘em.” He shrugged, glancing down as he traced over one of the surgery scars along his chest. “Which is frankly a little rude. I earned this right to be shirt free.”

“Hell yeah you did,” Steph grinned before her eyes dropped to the sandwich Tim was attempting to eat. “Isn’t that Cullen’s?”

“He didn’t label it, therefore it’s mine.” Tim said simply.

“Harper’s gonna kill you,” Duke warned warily. 

“Only if she catches me,” He said, taking a bite of the sandwich. “Why’re you guys here, anyway? Grabbing a snack?”

“Lookin’ for Babs,” Steph said, hands in her pockets. “Someone on Twitter started a war about which Batgirl was better, and Babs will probably get a kick out of being remembered as the ‘missing Batgirl.’”

“Oh she’ll be pissed about being remembered that way.” Tim agreed, shoving the rest of the sandwich in his mouth. “Babs will see it in five minutes or less, though. Swear she has a sixth sense for whenever someone mildly associated with the Bats is mentioned.” He mumbled.

“You wanna hijack the thread before she finds it?” He suggested.

“Hijack it?” Duke echoed.

“We’re gonna yell about random stuff that doesn’t contribute to the conversation until all hell breaks loose.” Steph explained, already pulling out her phone. “Tim?”

“How do you feel about discussing why the sun lightens hair, but darkens skin?” Tim suggested, leaving the container on the counter as he brushed by Steph.

“You just want to piss off someone from Metropolis.”

“It’s law as a Bat that I have to torment Superman whenever I possibly can.” Tim shrugged.

“Does that include me?” Duke blinked. “Because I personally think tormenting Superman is a bad idea.”

“Clark wouldn’t hurt a fly,”

“Yeah, but he’ll give me the face of disappointment and I don’t think I can live with that.” Duke protested.

“He can barely even manage--where are you going?” Steph looked up, only now realizing Tim was leaving the kitchen.

“I’m starting the mayhem on the big screens.” Tim grinned, looking back over his shoulder.

“Please don’t tell me he’s going to use Twitter on the bat computer,” Duke sighed.

“He’s totally going to use the bat computer,” Steph smiled, following after him. “C’mon! It’s initiation time.”

“Do you guys just call every weird thing you do initiation?” Duke called, hurrying behind them. “Because I’ve been told I’m part of an initiation five times in the last week.”

“You’re stuck in initiation until this becomes the norm,” Steph said cheerfully. 

“Of course,” Duke muttered.

Tim’s robe billowed behind him like an amateur cape as he wandered towards the door leading towards the steps into the Batcave. He threw open the door, the sound of it slamming echoing and startling the bats on the ceiling.

“Jesus!”

Harper jumped from the swivel chair in front of the computer, wide-eyed as she blinked up at the trio at the top of the stairs.

“Hey, Harps,” Steph greeted, hopping onto the stairs railing and sliding down. “We’re here to cause problems on Twitter.”

“Oh, well, in that case, by all means.” Harper snarked, getting up and grandly gesturing to the countless screens. “Not like I was using it for actual work.”

“Were you using it?” Tim asked, pointedly glaring at Steph to keep his recent adventure to the kitchen quiet.

“...looking for tasers to modify count as work, right?” She said after a moment.

“Technically,” Tim nodded,  ignoring Steph’s smug look that absolutely signified she was going to blackmail him later. “But you can just use Dick’s old escrima sticks. He goes through a pair every two or three weeks, but most still work pretty well, he’s just too lazy to fix them.”

“Sweet,” Harper grinned. She then paused, taking in Tim’s appearance as he slid into the seat she was previously occupying. 

“Why do you look like you’re auditioning to be the pretty girl who dies in a low-budget slasher?”

“First of all, how dare you assume I wouldn’t be the first one to die for representation points,” Tim said, pointing an accusatory finger at her. “Second of all, it’s called having fashion, and also being allowed to do whatever I want.”

“You have terrible fashion sense,” Harper snorted, crossing her arms as Steph and Duke came up beside her. “But fair, I can respect that.”

“See?” Tim said, looking at Steph. “Some people can afford to not be rude.”

“Keep talking and I’ll lose more blackmail material,” Steph calmly threatened.

Harper glanced between the two, to which Tim quietly, and quickly, turned back to the screen and ignored the both of them. Harper raised a brow but didn’t comment. Tim made a mental note to sneak into one of Jason’s unused safe houses after this was over. Steph couldn’t keep quiet for the life of her.

“What are you starting, anyway?” Harper asked, crossing her arms and leaning on the back of Tim’s chair. “A sob story about the Opportunity rover?”

“Another day,” Tim promised, opening up Twitter on the countless screens. He opened another one on the other half of the computer, which Steph quickly stood at and got her own Twitter set up. “Right now, we’re questioning how the sun makes hair lighter, but skin darker. And we’re dragging Clark into it.”

“If anyone asks, I had no part in this.” Duke said, watching the two typing with a frown. “Initiation doesn't include learning how to taunt Superman, right?”

“Eh, we can settle for you becoming close with a Kryptonian,” Steph shrugged. “Dick and Bruce share Clark, Jay’s got Bizarro, Cass and I got Kara, Babs I think counts with her, too, Damian’s got Jon, and Tim has Kon.” She listed off.  “Harper and Cullen took the ‘bully Superman’ route without befriending any of his family, which is a coward's way out, so you can take, I dunno, does Chris still exist in this timeline?”

“I can call in a favor from Bart to reset the timeline again so he exists.” Tim said with a casual shrug, pulling up the thread arguing about the Batgirls. 

“I’m sorry, what--”

“Finding Kryptonians who aren’t already taken is hard!” Harper protested, talking over Duke. “And Clark likes you guys being friends with his family. The only issue he has is Damian getting testy and Tim making heart eyes at Kon every five minutes.”

“I do not!” Tim squawked, whirling around in the chair to glare at the traitors he dared call family. In his head. Family in his head.

“You do,” Steph and Harper chorused.

“I’ve met Kon for less than twenty minutes and even I know.” Harper added. “I’m sure Duke knew.”

“I...yeah…” Duke coughed into his fist and turned away. “But in my defense, the gossip around here is practically shouted down the halls twice a week.”

“You were subjected to Dick having another crisis about Jay dating Kory for two months, weren’t you?” Steph said, trying to hide a snicker.

“There were so many things I didn’t want to know,” Duke whispered, face horror-stricken. 

“Eh, at least Jay hasn’t brought up Talia around Dami yet.” Tim shrugged. “At that point, it’s better to just vacate the premises.” 

“Wait--”

“Point is, you either befriend the Kryptonian or you torment them. That’s the rules.” Tim talked over him again, scrolling down the thread and boredly looking over the arguments. “You ready, Steph?”

“As I’ll ever be,” She grinned, giving a thumbs up. “How long till Babs notices and takes this whole thing down?”

“Few more minutes, tops.” Tim shrugged, already typing. “You two wanna give any input?” He asked, glancing behind him to Harper and Duke.

“Ask if Kryptonian skin can be used as extreme sunscreen,” Harper suggested. “That’ll rile him up.”

“Now I’m just curious if it can,” Tim said, but obediently began making his comment.

“You could just...ask?” Duke tried, clearly not taking in any of what was happening.

“Nah, Kon’s half human, I don’t think it works the exact same.” Tim shook his head, not looking back. “Kara would destroy me if I tried, Bizarro has the same problem, Jon wouldn’t know, and Clark would start telling Bruce he’s worried I’m deranged again.”

“Aren’t you?” Duke raised a brow.

“Only if I feel like it,”

“And when he forgets to sleep for ninety-eight hours.” Steph spoke up.

Tim rolled his eyes, tuning out his siblings as they continued to talk. He posted his comment before sparing a peek back at them, currently throwing off ideas to their hijacking plan like it was an everyday occurrence. Well, to Steph and Harper at least. But, to Duke’s credit, he appeared to be getting more used to it on prodding from his...sisters? Hard to tell, Steph was her own classification of family member. They were some weird choices for family, at least.

Tim watched them for a moment before turning back to making another comment on the logistics of sunscreen, a smile on his face.

He couldn’t find it in him to complain. Too much, at least.

[autumnleaves1991-blog]

Day 5: Holy - Llewyn Davis

Day 5: Holy - Llewyn Davis

Pairing: Llewyn Davis x F!Reader 

Rating: 18 + for language 

November Writing Challenge 

Day 4: Tweeted: Benny Miller 

December 24th, Christmas Eve, 1962

Christmas, the best time of the year. Your small studio apartment is decorated on every surface. Fresh garland draped around the window, a wreath with a large red bow on the back of the door, a small Christmas tree with twinkle lights and few bulbs of red and green. The room is as festive as you can make it on a small budget. It was a small luxury to buy the fresh decorations instead of the synthetic but to you it’s what makes it worth it. You go around lighting small candles, and the warm smells of vanilla fill the room. You take in a deep breath and smile at the glow from the lights. 

You move to the small coat closet and pull out the two packages wrapped in old newspaper, wrapped with a large silver bow and you smile at the name on the tag before placing them under the tree. You move to the window and look at the picturesque scene outside. The blanket of snow on the ground was made almost brighter by the colorful lights bouncing off it. You turn over to your small heater and turn it on. Making sure the room is as warm as you can afford. This was a special Christmas this year.

Last week your sometimes “roommate” Llewyn Davis was making his usual rotations of couches when he came to you. During the visit you asked about his holiday plans knowing he usually spent it with his sister and her family. He got very quiet before telling you he and her had a small falling out and he honestly didn’t know where he was going to end up. You immediately offered your small home to him and after some deliberation he agreed. He was hesitant, worried about ruining your holiday with your family but when you told him you would be alone he agreed. 

As you watched the snow blow thicker outside the window you began to wonder if maybe he got a better offer or made up with his sister and was now spending the holiday with her. Your thoughts began to grow sad before you realized the buzzer was ringing loudly in the small space. You ran to the door before pressing the button for the speaker. 

“Hello?” 

“It’s Llewyn,” can the slightly shaky reply. 

You press the buzzer and walk back to your couch grabbing a blanket before putting the kettle on the stove to boil water. A few minutes later knocking draws your attention. You walk over to the door and pull it open gesturing for him to come inside. Wearing a threadbare coat, shoes leaking water on the floor, and shivering you begin grabbing his things from his hands. He opens his mouth to protest before you silence him with a look. He lets out a sigh lifting his arms to help you take off his coat, wrapping the warm blanket around his shoulders, you push him towards the couch. 

Dropping to your knees you remove his shoes, and socks. Reaching for the slippers on the coffee table before sliding his feet into the furry shoes. 

“When did you get those?” he asks, pointing to the shoes. 

“I just had them around,” you gesture with your hand vaguely. 

“Y- you just so happen to have a pair of men’s slippers in my size sitting around your apartment,” he asks, the shiver not quite gone. 

You choose not to answer, rising from the ground back to the small kitchen pulling down a cup and putting a scoop of instant coffee inside before topping it off with the boiling water. You bring the cup over to him and you swear you can see the steam rise as his frozen hands envelope the cup. 

“Where were you? I was expecting you here a few hours ago. I was beginning to think you forgot about me…” you ask. 

“No...no I didn’t forget I had to go over to Jim and Jeans and get my stuff. Although I almost didn’t come I know how much of a downer I can be and I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas.” 

You take a moment before answering, “I’m glad you didn't. I can’t tell you how much I have been looking forward to spending Christmas with you Llewyn. It’s all I have been able to think about.” 

You look away from him afraid that you had said too much, you feel his hands slightly warmer from the cup take your own and you raise your eyes to meet his. “I’m glad I came too, I...I’ve been looking forward to this. It’s so easy to be with you, you don’t expect me to be a performing monkey like the Gorfeins or make me feel like a piece of shit like Jean. You just let me be myself and I love that about you.” 

You smile brightly at him before you're interrupted by the sound of the timer going off in the kitchen. You hop up and slide on your oven mitts pulling out several dishes all at once. Fluffy mashed potatoes, roasted green beans, a small honey ham, and a cherry pie. Llewyn slowly rises from the couch walking over to you.

“I know that it’s not prime rib or a big fancy turkey but I wanted to do something special for us, plus we’ll have plenty to eat for the next few days, I’m sorry it’s not more I ju-” your rambling is cut off by Llewyn who wraps his arms around you in a tight embrace. 

You let out a large sigh before you wrap your arms around his neck. He still feels cold beneath your hands. You pull back, placing your hands on his shoulders. 

“Your skin feels like ice Llewyn, why don’t you take a hot shower, I’ll leave a change of clothes for you in the bathroom and make us each a plate. Does that sound ok?” 

“Ok… but I don’t actually have anything else to change into, I haven’t been to the laundry mat in a few days. This is the last clean thing I have I wa-”

“I will leave you something clean in the bathroom for after your shower,” you cut him off before he can finish. 

He gives you that look again, “you just happen to have clothes my size sitting around-” 

“Just go take a goddamn shower Llewyn,” you roll your eyes at him. 

He looks surprised at your outburst but doesn’t argue with you further. His hands slowly leave your waist before he turns towards the small bathroom. When the door shuts behind him you go to your dresser and pull out some boxers, dark blue sweatpants, thick wool socks, and a short sleeve white t-shirt. You hear the water turn on and the gentle sounds of Llewyn humming under the water before you slightly open the door putting the clothes on the toilet seat before closing it again. 

You know he’s probably going to say something about the clothes, but you could care less. You cared about Llewyn and that included getting him some clean clothes, a pair of slippers, necessities. To your immense surprise he says nothing, only comes behind you and hugs you from behind tightly, a quiet whisper of thanks against your ear before he’s pulling back and helping you put the plates on the coffee table, pouring each of you a glass of red wine. 

You clink glasses and dig in. You both have seconds and with your encouragement Llewyn has thirds, you’ve polished off a bottle and a half of wine and you’re both warm and comfortable under a blanket, your feet in his lap. 

“Llewyn,” you purr, “will you play for me?” 

Llewyn reaches towards his case and pulls out his guitar. You go to move your feet but he pulls them back and places one hand on your ankle keeping you in place. Balancing the guitar on your legs gently, “what do you want me to play? Something happy? Sad? Festive?” 

“Festive, it is Christmas after all.” He strums the guitar and you fall a little bit deeper in love with him. The way he plays is like he’s making love to the room with his music, and god when he sings....

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our dear Savior's birth

Long lay the world, in sin and error pining

'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees

O hear the angels' voices

O night divine

O night when Christ was born

O night divine

O night

O night divine

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees

O hear the angels' voices

O night divine

O night when Christ was born

O night divine

O night…

You can’t help the tears that slowly make their way down your cheeks and when Llewyn looks up from his guitar he frowns before putting the guitar down. His hands are warm and calloused as they wipe the tears from your cheeks and when he speaks it’s no louder than a whisper. 

“Why are you crying?” 

“It’s just...you're so incredibly talented and it breaks my heart that everyone doesn’t get to see that,” you tell him. 

His smile is small and gentle before he pulls you closer to him so you’re sitting in his lap, his arms wrapped around your waist, your head in the crook of his neck, his own resting against yours. You're so warm and comfortable and when Llewyn starts to sing quietly your eyes grow heavy and you drift off to sleep. 

December 25th, Christmas Day, 1962 

The next morning you wake up and feel slightly disoriented not knowing exactly where you are. A strong arm is wrapped around your waist and a warm body is pressed against your back, a blanket draped over the both of you. You're on the couch and you turn as slowly as possible to look at the body behind you. His curls droop slightly over his forehead and all the creases in his forehead are smooth, he looks truly at peace and your heart beats a little faster when you look at his lips soft and slightly open as he breathes. You don’t move afraid to break the spell, his grip on your waist tightens before his eyes slowly open. 

You both say nothing, but his lips pull up into a small smile which you quickly return. Your not sure what to call this thing between you, friendship, or something more. But, you know there is no one else you want to wake up too. 

“Merry Christmas,” you whisper. 

“Merry Christmas honey,” his words are slightly slurred with sleep. 

“I’m going to get up and get us some coffee then we can open presents,” you don’t miss the slight droop of Llewyn's mouth. 

“You told me last week we weren’t doing presents, I don’t have anything for you.” 

“Are you here?” you ask. 

He gives you that look again, “yes,” he says. 

“Then I got what I wanted for Christmas this year,” you pull away and he reluctantly lets you go, letting out a small sigh. You know how much it bothers him that you buy him things, but at this point you really don’t care anymore. 

You boil the water for the coffee, preparing two cups. Llewyn cracks your window taking a long drag from his cigarette. The kettle whistles and you pour the water bringing them over to the table. Llewyn blows the last of the smoke out the window before coming back to the couch. You go over to the tree and grab the two packages. One small box and a medium sized package. 

“Two? Honey, I know what you said but I-” 

“Just open it Llewyn,” you hand him the medium sized box first. 

He tears the paper gently and when he opens the box his mouth drops open looking at the new brown boots, and wool socks. His eyes tear up, but before he can protest you are handing him the small box. He puts the boots aside, and carefully unwraps the box before pulling back the paper, and when he lifts the lid his breath stops. 

Inside a gentle pillow of tissue paper is a single key. “Now I know what you are thinking, but hear me out. I didn’t give you this key out of pity or anything. I am giving you this key to my apartment because I want you to live here Llewyn. I want you to play at the Gaslight, gigs, and chase the dream I don’t want you to ever stop. But I also want you warm, fed, and safe. I want our days to be spent with music, laughter, and….” you trail off leaving it open. 

“What honey?” he begs quietly, “music, laughter, and what?”

“Fuck…” you promised yourself you wouldn’t cry, “fuck it….I love you Llewyn. I want you to make music, and I want to support your dream and I want you to do it here where I can keep you safe and love you. I know you think that you have nothing to give me but I....I just want you.” 

Llewyn doesn’t respond for several minutes and your heart feels like it’s about to stop. “Do you mean it?” he asks quietly. 

You can only nod. 

He scoots off the couch and over to you still sitting in front of the tree. On his knees he places his head in your lap and his hands sit on your waist. You don’t move for a moment before your hands run through his curls. He slowly raises his head looking at you, his eyes glassy. 

“Fuck...you are the most incredible woman I have ever known in my entire life. I thought for so long that I was destined to fail in everything, my music, my life, my relationships. But then one night when I was at my lowest bleeding in a fucking alley this angel appeared. You took me home, cleaned me up, and I have spent the last year falling deeper and deeper in love with you. So if you are serious and you will have me, then yes I will move in with you and I will spend however long you have me...proving to you how much I love you, how much I adore you, and how fucking grateful I am to have you in my life.” 

You release a sob and pull him by his shirt and when he kisses you can only describe the feeling in one word, home. 

Day 6: Carpet - Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia 

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: Jaw$! or How Lena Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Webby (Lena Retrospective Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Trigger Warning: Part of this review contains discussions of abuse which can’t be avoided but I still want to be senstive to my audience and any trauma they’ve gone through.  Welcome back weblena world to Shadow Into Light: My Lena Sabrewing Retrospective. And Jaw$ is here, long live Jaw$. Tiffany was a shark who bites the law she was in an episode i’m reviewing called Jaw$. 

And it’s the money shark before the storm as next month i’ll be going from two Ducktales reviews a week with the Lena retrospective and the last few episodes.. to three, as i’ll ALSO be covering the Della arc from season 1 in the build up to shadow war. And if your wondering if I expertly planned this to coincide with the finale, to the point the shadow war review and those leading up to it will be on the same week as the finale.... nope. I just got REALLLLY lucky as I already had all of that planned out, and the schedule for the  new episodes happened to synch up perfectly, ending just in time for me to revisit the series start and having Magica’s big in person appearance reviewed a week after we get her backstory in Life and Crimes. Though I am VERY happy it worked out this way as I get to properly celebrate the series end with more ducks than ever, and get to cover the pilot the same month as the finale, all things i’d of loved to do anyway and probably would’ve rejiggered my schedule to do. Point is lot of Ducktales content coming for this blog if you like that so stay tuned, but for now join me won’t you under the cut as we dive into a money bin of gay ducks, shadowy machinations, and Bad PR. 

We open as Lena and Donald awkwardly sit on the couch, waiting for Scrooge and the Kids to get home. Understandably it’s just.. dead silence.Given their a cynical teenager secretly working for and forced to obey a horrifying shadow monster and a 35 year old man who dosen’t like living in this house due to painful memories of his presumed dead sister.. and painful memories of pain in general, you have a huge awkward bowl of chips and “I really don’t want to be here right now”. 

Our heroes return though, and Louie tries to take some of their haul for himself but Scrooge stops that “It goes in the bin not to next of kin. “... Man in a Hurry if you would please. 

Thank you. Man in a Hurry everybody. He has to go now, he’s in a hurry. 

 As you can probably guess I do not like this, as it reminds me WAY too much of Scrooge’s worst “quirk” in the comics: how he’d barely pay his nephews, who are often hard up for cash mind you and one of whom is supporting three children ALONE, take them around the world and reap all the benefit for their hard work. It’s not like he did nothing, he did, but it’s way to exploitive for my tastes and can often sink a story if taken too far. It’s not AS bad... but they all went on the mission they all deserve at least something. I DO get keeping the rarest and most dangerous stuff for himself, as he is bankrolling things and does have two bins and a massive garage to safetly store them. But this just comes off as douchey for this version, who while liable to make mistakes with them, is far more nurturing towards his boys and girls. 

Thankfully this was course corrected next season. While Scrooge’s greed was properly restored.. this sort of treatment wasn’t. “Treasure of the Found Lamp” had him undergo character development and realize simply hoarding his treasures isn’t right or fair, and set up a musuem wing so both duckburg and his descendants can see them and get the stories behind them. And on not getting to take things clearly he’s eithe relaxed or stopped the policy as our heroes do have souveneers from time to time. Not a LOT mind, but little things like Dewey having a giant sword or Scrooge outright giving Louie one of his things show he did soften up. Though Della’s return and likely lack of tolerance for this stupid policy in the first place probably helped a lot, I also like to think he did change a bit and realize it was deeply unfair they didn’t get more than a few treasures of their own. So the writers did realize they kind of went overboard here.  I suspect this was more to setup for the episode’s subplot and to make Scrooge’s karma at the end feel justified. Speaking of which we get the start of said Subplot as Beakley comes in with a money cart and the news the board called. Why they called his house instead of his phone I don’t know, some things slip through the cracks when you running both a billion dollar company an da trillion dollar fiendish organization  for world larceny. I mean they clearly worked themselves so hard the other two apparently died between seasons. That or it was the diet of whiskey, orphan tears and grease in a wine glass both had. Bradford always told them it’d kill them though to his credit he only said I told you so twice at their funeral. 

For once no their not mad Scrooge is spending all the money they use to buy fowl jetskis, but because the Company’s having a bit of a PR nightmare now that Scrooge is back in the adventuring game. And we cut to the beanstalk they just adventured on having tore up a good chunk of the town and destroyed large swaths of it just to sell the point this isn’t their normal old man yells at other old man for spending all me money schitck, but a serious problem. As such they’ve booked him an interview with Roxanne Fetherly to improve his image and the companies. 

Scrooge scoffs at this, baffled why he has bad pr as his adventuring is GOOD for the city in the long run: He pays for any damages it causes, and likely at a cost no less which is a LOT coming from scrooge, and puts most of the money he makes on these adventures back into the city and his company, creating more jobs and better living conditions. He does get a wakeup call via  truly hilarous gag as Launchpad pops his head up to say “Good news mr. mcdee, it missed the orphange!” before getting ready to chainsaw the stalk for him. He quickly realizes MAYBE he needs some PR and agress to the interview. 

 This whole subplot really plays into one of the series main themes, one Frank brought up a few months back: Risk vs Reward. Adventuring is entirely about this, that adventure is dangerous, can cost you a lot as we see with Della and the aftermath of her terrible decision making, and can hurt people.. but it can also help people, bring money to those who need it, free those who are being oppressed and open new worlds to everyone. This subplot distills it down great: Scrooge is right that his adventures do bring in money, and as seen with the first episode brought in clean water and power with no drawbacks and only asked to be paid for it, which is fair given he still has to run machines and likely help relocate any workers whose jobs are now redundant to other parts of the company and retrain them. But it costs people their homes and jobs, not forever but still as long as it takes to construct, tears up roads and puts people in danger. It’s plots like this that make Bradford the perfect final boss for the series: He’s someone who blinds himself to the reward of all this and only sees the risk, and raises valid points even if he himself is deeply wrong. He’s right Scrooge causes a lot of danger and threat to the world.. but wrong in that he dosen’t see it’s all worth it for the good of everyone. 

But enough about future story arcs let’s get back to this one, as Webby excitedly greets Lena and hugs her, realizes she’s not hugging her back then gives her another squeeze anyway after claming to hate hugs when just a LOOK at Webby would tell you that’s false. The two are having a sleepover, Webby’s first ever.. and given Lena’s essentially an Emo Hobo and the closest thing she has to home is that starlight ancient amptheater that’s never properly explained. Seriously ancient ruins near Duckburg dosen’t suprise me, but at least tell me what they are and why Magica chose them. And why Louie hasn’t tried to sell tickets to Dewey boxing a gorilla in them. Or probably a possum I mean their on a budget and gorillas snap necks, but still i’d pay to see that as would we all. 

Point is it’s their first sleepover and naturally Webby’s first bit of smalltalk.. is how tucking in can be used for interogation techniques. I’d be more suprised if earlier this season it hadn’t already been shown Beakly regularly enrolls her daughter in the no murder, unless you really want to, hunger games every year. The fact Webby hasn’t become the bat is only because she hasn’t found a costume that’s the right combintion of pinks and purples to instill pantswetting terror yet. That shit takes time. 

Lena goes to the bathroom.. to talk to Magica who we properly get to meet. She did speak last time, but this ep is the one that properly establishes her personality for the reboot: she has clever plans, tons of power, if sealed currently, and is a genuine threat.. but she’s also a bit of a ham, in love with the old ultra violence and really short sighted in her plans, something we got hints of last time as her best solution to the Beakly Problem was  to just leave her to die and hope scrooge and webby, two people who love solving mysteries and unlocking puzzles, don’t investigate the horrifying death, accident or not, of their only friend and grandmother, and that neither, especially the 12 year old spiraling with grief, would suspect a former spy died. Thoguh in fairness on the spy thing it’s plausable Magica didn’t know that, but still it’s a bad plan. Magica has good ideas but is just so obessed with the brute force way of doing things she forgets the subtle approach works better.. and so far it has well for Lena.  Problem is it’s VERY clear by this point that Lena likes Webby, maybe not romantic styles JUST YET but it’s getting there. Webby on the otherhand has been in love with Lena from the freaking concept art which showed her blushing around her.. and that was in her 87 design.. which they thankfully changed. It’s not terrible but it just dosen’t fit well with this universe. Point is Lena is catching feelings and Magica realizes this and tries to gaslight her telling her she’d never acccept the truth abotu her and so on. As we all know and as we’ll see that’s bullshit but it’s an effective manipulation. We also find out Magica’s plan: she had Lena sneak a jewel into the treasure going into the bin, and it’s going to turn into a monster that will seek out the Number One Dime for them. She also vaugely hints that there’s something Lena needs from Magica. 

Once Lena returns, and Webby let’s her rabbit know the interogation isn’t over, she gives her possible future girlfirend a gift: friendship bracelets! They both put them on and it’s really fucking cute.. and will be both a tangible symbol of hteir friendship and a plot point several times, something I honestly hadn’t thoguht about till now. Lena, put off by the gesture not because she dosen’t aprpciate it because of the crushing guilt of lying to the one person who cares about her under the insucrtions of a sociopath, goes to Webby’s big old corkboard which is always fun to look at.. especially since it’s clearly the ONLY glimpse at Hortense we’re going to get all series. 

We’re not getting Grandma Duck either. Though at least Frank actually regrets that one. But the important part is one of the posts mentoniing Scrooge hates magic, something Webby elaborates on: He hates spells, hexs curses and what not and feels them a shortcut.  From the man who has a garage full of them. 

I do kid as I did realize there’s a valid expliantion for this: Scrooge will use magical items, protection spells that sort of thing.. but he uses them like anything else as needed. He’s too pragmatic to not say, use the jewel of atlantis to give a city clean energy and water he can montizie, or the split sword against FOWL.. but more often than not he just dosen’t need them. He collects them because it’s fun, oftne profitable.. and their simply SAFER in his museum wing, garage and second bin will get to in two weeks. He’s seen time and time again how people misuse magic, forget it has a price, or just rely on it instead of actual skill. He’s also clearly been on the bad end of a LOT of evil sorcerers and soreceresses, especially magica. Magic isn’t inherently bad, which in itself is a BIG message of Lena’s arc, it’s just somethign that’s the OPPPSOITE OF everythign scrooge is: sacrifcing others for power, relying on something besides yourself, distance attacks versus up close and personal phsycial attacks.. it was never going to be for him and tons of bad experinces with it only cemented it. He’s just not so stubborn outside of the santa thing to avoid something if it’s going to net him a profit or come in a pinch. 

So naturally Scrooge has banned any magic books from his house, as he has no use for spellcasting and any he’d need to keep for saftey or history’s sake are likely at the archives, but just as naturally, Webby smuggled one in and wants to try it with Lena ducking it and asking to play some games. I”m sure Huey has a few yugioh decks in his room go bug him. But before they can decide on one, the boys attack for a PILLOW FIGHT.... which is a sweet gesture and them just wanting to hang out, but ends with them all eating the ground and questioning why they thought attacking the duck equilvent of cassandra cain was a good idea. Louie decides to salvage it with a swim.. but since their pool has a boat in it he has a diffrent location in mind: the bin.

So while they head off to get head injuries, Beakly tries to prepare Scrooge as the Media are vultures and looking for the next scandal with public figures and it’s accurate. But given Scrooge’s natural mood is grumpus, this dosen’t go well at all and even a spray bottle dosen’t exactly help.. I mean it is the best method to deal with grumpy old men but it can only do so much. 

At the bin we get a lovely bit as Dewey prepares to dive and his brothers treat it like an olympic one, with both doing commentary, Dewey’s apparently response to if he was worried about brain damage was Nerp, and we get the wonderous national anthem of dewdonia. Just nice as well as lovely to see the brothers just having a crack and enjoying each others company with their own weird injokes but without the injokes feeling as forced as they were in “Beagle Birthday Massacre”. Things take a turn though as we see just what magica created with the stone... a giant shark made of scrooges money who eats that fucker in a single bite.. in this case Dewey. Louie and Huey naturally run off panicked.

So while Huey and Louie gain another scarring memory to tell their therapist when their older, Scrooge begins his interview with Roxanne Fetherly who.. honestly just weirds me out. Not for any personality stuff but because she has green feathers. And it just.. really feels WEIRD. I mean green ducks are a thing in real life.. but it just looks off to have such a pastel color on a duck when the other colors are white or tones meant to invoke real world races, allowing ducks to be black, latino, asian and so on and so on coded. That’s fine and blends in fine.. but with that metaphor the green just really dosen’t fit well at all. It feels like an early decision they made, but decided not to retcon or go with for anyone else which makes it all the more weird. We’re 3 seasons in , almost at the end, and the only other green duck we’ve seen was like that because of magic and the offputting nature of it WORKS for magica. Here I just don’t get it and I never well. But naturally Roxanne starts in on invasive, gotcha questions with no real good answers or time to respond, so fox news level questions, and then asks what part of ireland he’s from. 

Naturally that sets him off so while that rant goes on, literally next time we see him he’s still going on about it, we cut to the girls playing truth or dare.. and given Webby’s first question is about deepest darkest secrets the boys once again save her by running in... to report on the monster she created that just ate their brother. Lena brushes it off but does get them not to go to scrooge claming he’ll throw them to the shark himself. I mean he’s not comics scrooge so he probably woudln’t but their also two scared 11-12 year olds so it works well enough. They just need a way to go after the money shark. Enter launchapd who in the second best bit of the episode, says he sensed his best friend dewey was in danger. Beck’s delivery is what sells it.. and I’m not going to question it. He’s somehow alive despite presumibly living off a diet of spaghett-o’s, barely avoiding a car accident on his best days, and as we’ll find out later believing children in costumes are monsters he summoned when he was 8. The fact he suddenly has spider sense specifically related to people he cares about is honestly less of a surprise than the fact he’s not in heaven crashing God’s Speedboat into God’s Golden Castle with God’s Golden Lion riding shotgun. 

So they do the natural thing and.. steal Donald’s houseboat while he sleeps. He has no more involvement in this episode other than noticing it’s back and not in great condition at the end. I bring this up because this is one of Donalds ONLY apperances this season, and it’s part of the larger more irritating problem that he’s hardly ever used.. despite promoting him as a major part of the series. 

I will talk about this more during the Della arc as i’ts more relevant there, but needless to say it bothers me a lot and not knowing how to ballance it’s massive main cast was a constant struggle for the series even up to the final episodes going on right now. 

So our heroes head out on the bin late at night, where could the Jaw$ be she’s nowhere in sight. So they decide to use other treasure as a lure they either fished out of a bin or out of scrooge’s bathwater. How bathing in coins gets him clean I don’t know and frankly I dont’ think we want the answers to that and the idea of scrooge fully naked is so horrifying I forgot what I was talking about.

Ah yes our heroes are playing bait the money monster and find out it’s a shark, and Lena.. is not okay with that and goes to talk to Magica inside the boat. Magica tells us she has a name, Tiffany. Awww what a lovely name for a money shark. I would of gone with Rags to Bitches, but I may have brain damage.  Lena understandabily does not like the idea of getting eaten by a shark, asked to be informed and while Magica is mad at her for going after the thing, Lena reasonably points out that it was this or Scrooge got involved.  Up top Huey tries catching it with a bit of treasure on a rope.. after not shutting up about shark facts because “Facts comfort me when i’m nervous!” Precious angel. But Huey’s leg gets caught and he and Louie, somehow on the latter get thrown up in the air and chomped. Back bellow Webby has a suggestion: using magic. Lena naturally not wanting to blow her cover or really liking magic period is against it for now. 

Back at the interview, Roxanne brings on a special guest to prove people don’t like scrooge: GLOMGOLD!

Glomgold may create some issues for the subplot and we’ll get to those in due time, but damn if it isn’t always a pleasure to see him. He’s also on good terms with Roxanne... are.. are we sure this is local news and not fox news? Taking the word of a conservative greedy billionare over a progressive one seems like a fox move. Though I might actually watch fox news if glomgold was a commentator.  “I propose a red new deal instead of this blasted green new deal, I throw Scrooge to a tank of sharks connected to a generator, the tank turns red with his blood and that somehow creates power! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT MCDUCK” 

So we get the best bit of the episode as Glomgold tries to complain about his building being destroyed which would be fair... if he hadn’t tried to blow up Scrooge’s bin twice this week, with Glomgold going for THREE.. for threee.. for three... it dosen’t go off but it does get scrooge to say he’s glad the building was destroyed. Which is fair but NOT super great PR.  

Back at the shark things don’t get better as Webby and Lena argue over the use of magic, I mean as much as they can argue Webby just wants to know why she’s so cagey about this while they go with plan “Launchpad crash into it”. Launchpad also gives a hell of a monologue. Good on you bud. As you can see launchpad’s gotten 100% better since his low point in our last episode. That’s because it’s clear the writers had some struggle ballancing his amped up stupidity with actual competence, making him primarily jokey comic relief in the first few episodes and I wouldn’t be shocked if Terror of The Terra Firmians was written before a lot of the later episodes despite airing around the same time. But by mid-season he’s got his much more lovable charactersation of a dangerous moron..l but one who CAN be competent and is genuinely charming due to how much he cares about his friends and his job. They also dialed down the stupid down to an acceptable homer simpson level: still a danger to himself and others but hilariously so. Point is they fixed it and while i’ll complain about mistakes the show made I will give this crew all the credit for course correcting time and time again and actually listening to fan feedback.

So Webby figures they tried the Jaws option and lost the boat and launchpad, time for plan Magic. They hold hands, EEEEEEEEE, and try a spell.. and it clearly starts working but almost works TOO well, as Lena starts glowing first purple.. then blue. Hmmmm... intresteing. Lena breaks it off and Tiffany breaks out of the bin.. just as scrooge says on the news his adventures aren’t dangerous. 

Scrooge naturally goes to face it while Webby wonders why Lena didn’t go for it. To make it a triple Scrooge shows up in time to distract tiffany.. with the number one dime, which as lena found out earlier is on his person rather than at the bin like the public thinks. So while Scrooge puts up a good show.. seriously it’s really awesome and really neat looking, though he also gets VERY upset that people are naturally holding out buckets for the cash shark, which he’s not happy about because well.. he did EARN that money. Most bin money is stuff directly earned by him so fair enough. But while he’s you know, Scrooge Fucking McDuck, and thus puts up a good fight the monster eats him.. and gets the dime stuck in it’s tooth with Magica wanting Lena to grab for it, forgetting that minons, while mildly disposable, aren’t really replaceable when your SOUL’S ATTACHED TO THEM. That’s where Magica’s weakness is. her plans aren’t half bad but as I said, she’s far too bloodthirsty and short sighted. She has better ones than glomgold but ironcially they share the same problem of not thinkign them through. And Magica cares so little for lena she’s blinded to the fact her own personal saftey is tied up in her. 

Lena naturally dives for her future girlfrriend and heads into the belly of the beast. And it’s here her REAL moment of truth is. While the one last episode was noble.. it was also easy enough to brush off internal as pragmatisim. Letting Beakly die would’ve brought too much heat and been too easy to quickly go terrible, while saving her got her off Lena’s trail and gave her free reign of the manner. But here? Webby is about to slip into Tiffany’s stomach and whle she hasn’t digested anyone yet given who made Tiffany with it’s likely just because she hasn’t had enough mass to create chainsaws to carve them all up. It’s the Dime or Webby. Lena’s own freedom or the girl she loves. Nothing good comes from saving Webby.. other than Webby. Other than the one person whose truly loved her. I mean think about it: She was created by magica, abused for a good decade and a half. No one but Magica has had a chance to care about her and as we’ve seen Magica only sees her as a weapon to get back at scrooge and not as a person. Webby was the first person she’s ever made a genuine connection with, that’s been there for her, that loves her unconditionally and woiuld be there for her no matter what. And it’s in that moment Lena realizes she can’t sacrifice her for her own good... that after years of having to be selfish to surivive being chained to that monster... she can’t be this time. No mastter what it costs her.. Webby is priceless. So Lena recites the spell, growing bright blue and blowing up tiffany. Lena gladly hugs webby who reciorpates, awww gaybies, and Launchpad hugs dewey. Awww... what it’s still precious he’s a good surrogate uncle. The wacky kind who sleeps in a van on your lawn. 

So Scrooge is glad.. though it’s here his subplot falls flat. Him getting attacked by the media and getting a compupance by loosing tons of money from tiffany is fine. Evne if he earned it, his lack of care did bring this on him.. hte problem is they take it too far by having all his nemies show up, him unable to say anything and glomgold blatantly doing so just to steal from him. Otherwise the subplot is fine, a bit heavy on scrooge being a dick but it has to to work and puts him in an awkward situation. But this ending just feels to over the top to realy enjoy. And the series does do over the top humor well so I don’t know what happened here. But having a bunch of outright thieves steel his money instad of a bunch of citizens who didn’t know better and deserved it for the damage, feels wrong and it tastes wrong. 

Speaking of feels wrong and tastes wrong we get an INTEINTONAL dose of that as back at the amptheater, Lena and Magica argue about the situation and Magica trying to kill her. Lena tries to walk away but can’t.. phsyically. Magica won’t let her. And this is honestly a very crushing and very well crafted metaphor for how abuse victims sometimes CAN’T escape their abusers. Magica is verbally abusive, treats lena like she’s disposable and constnatly downtalks her self esteem. To Lena magica is nothing but a tool.. but like MANY children caught in horrifcally abusive situations Lena can’t get away. It’s a literal metaphor, an da good one, for how you can’t ALWAYS escape abuse easily, and this especially true for kids who have nowhere to go and hte law on their abusers side more often than not. It’s hard to escape an abusive parent and even harder when they dont’ consider you a person. I thankfully have no personal experince with this but it dosen’t make it any less of a problem nor any less noble of this show to tackle the subject in a frank, if fantastical, way, and a good chunk of Lena’s arc is overcoming this abuse and not letting her abusive past drown her. But for now.. all she can do is agree to do what Magica says till she can hopefully be rid of her. But the light at the end of the tunnel’s coming.. there’s just a whole lotta darkness first. 

Next Time: We take a break from the episodes to cover some Lena related comics for a double feature; The first Spies Like Us has everyones faviorite lesbian ducks go on a spy adventure that was never printed in the us for silly reasons we’lll get to and then the 87 ducktales comic dime after dime which features Lena’s predecessor Minima. 

Later Today: Close Enough Season 2 is here! I”m going to talk about it! Exclimation Points! 

If you liked this review feel free to follow for more. And if you have an episode of Ducktales or another animated show you’d like me to cover just hit me up via my asks or direct messages on here and comission it. And if you’d rather just support me on a monthly basis, head over to my patreon. THE LINK IS RIGHT HERE.  Even a buck a month would help and the more of you that donate the closer we get to my Duckcentric stretch goals. The current closest ones are 15, which would lead to reviews of The Goofy Movies and Treasure of the Lost Lamp, and 20 which would lead both to a review of the Super Ducktales mini series, and monthly darkwing duck reviews! So if you like me talking about ducks and want to bolt some duck reviews to the schedule, even a dollar a month would inch me closer to that goal. Eveyr bit helps. But money or not, it’s been a pleasure and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,937 Words

Summary: Katsuki, stop being a stubborn kid.

Warnings: Child Abuse Mention, Eating Disorder Mention, Food Mention, Forced Eating Disorder Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Usernames: Existence Is A Prison Aizawa: feral cat dad, Aoyama: gay salt, Hagakure: ranch flavored jello, Tokoyami: foil-mecha, Shinsou: farmer toshi, Kuroiro: life is a nightmare, Shiozaki: saviour, Tsunotori: schrodinger better run, Honenuki: pure, Monoma: nat20, Yamada: President Megaphone, Bakugou: deku-deck-you

Notes: I’ve changed Shinsou’s birthday to April 20th because I can.

Aizawa, We Agreed No More Cats: Chapter 6

5:28 AM

Existence Is A Prison

feral cat dad: I swear to god, if you say you're going out for a run, Katsuki.

deku deck-you: ...

deku deck-you: I'm totally not going out for a run.

feral cat dad: Kid, you don't need permission or even to tell us. You're allowed around school grounds, to leave, to the school, ya know. As long as you have your pass for the door, you're good, nothing's stopping you.

deku deck-you: I don't need to tell you where I am?

feral cat dad: No, what you do is your own business. Me and UA are just here to house and teach you. Your actions are your own, you don't have to tell us them.

deku deck-you: Oh.

feral cat dad: It's okay if you want to, but you never have to feel obligated to tell me or anyone else, either.

deku deck-you: It's just my mom made me tell her what I was doing every time I left the house.

feral cat dad: Well, I mean, I obviously know what you're doing every morning at 5:30. So, even if I'm worried, I know what you were doing. I'm also not your mom, I don't want to know where you are every second because you're a kid being a kid, you deserve some privacy. God knows you need privacy after not seeming to have it for fifteen years.

deku deck-you: Thank you, Mr. Aizawa.

feral cat dad: You can call me Dad if you want.

deku deck-you: Dad.

farmer toshi: Child-hoarding Dad.

feral cat dad: You're not wrong.

5:33 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: @deku deck-you, I'm coming, Kats. Wait up.

deku deck-you: Come on then, hurry up.

deku deck-you: You get those wires off today, right?

farmer toshi: Yup. Recovery Girl's fixing me today.

1:16 PM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: It's official. I can menace once again.

feral cat dad: If you're terrorizing villagers, please don't bring them back armed with pitchforks, I don't like fire.

5:25 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Kats, where are you, I don't see you.

farmer toshi: @deku deck-you Did you get up early or something?

farmer toshi: Hey, @foil-mecha, Tokoyami, you're in room 9. Have you heard anything in his room?

foil-mecha: His phone pinged when you @ed him. And I swear I heard him moving around a bit earlier.

farmer toshi: Do you think he's okay? Maybe he's sleeping again?

foil-mecha: No, usually he's up for the day once he's up.

feral cat dad: God, did he push himself too much to recover quickly?

President Megaphone: I'm in early, I'm coming over and checking on him since you're in not position to help him if he's hurt, Shouta.

feral cat dad: Fine.

6:35 AM

Existence Is A Prison

foil-mecha: Is Katsuki okay?

farmer toshi: He fine, just malnourished. He passed out after he woke up, ended up hitting his head a little on the ground, and getting a minor concussion.

gay salt: How!?

deku deck-you: I thought our parents were the ones that paid for our groceries but my parents have told me they won't do it.

feral cat dad: Don't worry about him and his stubbornness, I'll be bringing him to the store later once he feels better and making him pick up foods.

ranch flavored jello: Katsuki! The card you got! The barcode! You just scan the barcode! UA pays for your food while you're in the dorms!

deku deck-you: I know that now, Toru. I thought our family or parents paid for our food.

4:16 PM

Existence Is A Prison

feral cat dad: Okay, get dressed and get a list if you want, kid. What foods do you like?

deku deck-you: Well, I'm allergic to shellfish.

feral cat dad: You've been eating with us all week and you didn't tell us you were allergic to something?

deku deck-you: I avoided things that had shellfish in them.

feral cat dad: Katsuki.

deku deck-you: You act like my mother didn't practically force me to have allergic reactions when she was tired of me.

feral cat dad: You're right, I do act like that because that's not okay. It's abuse, Katsuki, and I want you to be safe and happy. So please, tell me if you can't or even don't want to eat something.

deku deck-you: Alright.

feral cat dad; Okay, anything else you're allergic to?

deku deck-you: No, just shellfish.

feral cat dad; Anything you particularly like?

deku deck-you: Mackerel with spinach, mushrooms, and chili oil.

feral cat dad: Then we'll grab the stuff for you.

President Megaphone: I'll spoil you, kid, I'm your uncle now.

deku deck-you: If you plan on spoiling me, get me those sausages that look like octopi. I love them but I haven't been allowed to buy them for around five years.

President Megaphone: I swear, Shouta, this nephew will get all the sausages. UA is willing to buy.

feral cat dad: I know, but don't go all 'grab it all' at the store, Hizashi, the kid can grab his own food at his own pace. You can pick him up extra ones whenever. We're letting him pick up his own groceries probably for the first time in his life. Don't overwhelm him.

foil-mecha: Can you pick me up boiled octopus and baby sardines, Mr. Aizawa?

feral cat dad: Sure, I'll grab you a bunch of fish, kid.

foil-mecha: Much appreciated.

deku deck-you: Is there a limit I can use?

feral cat dad: No, there isn't. UA is full of future heroes who will likely need to build muscle to save others, to do that, you need to eat well, Nezu's rule for us dorm kids has always been to make sure we eat, he doesn't care how much it costs as long as you're healthy.

deku deck-you: Wow, that's actually. Just wow.

farmer toshi: Your shitty parents put you on a budget, huh?

deku deck-you: Usually I had to cost less than 1,000¥ per week. It was hard, especially building muscle to be a hero. I ate rice and eggs a lot so I wasn't completely starving but it was always hard living with them.

ranch flavored jello: Aren't your parents like famous or something? Why did they want you to be on a budget?

deku deck-you: They didn't like dealing with me besides to scream at me. I think it was to keep me from leaving them. They'd hand me exactly 1,000¥ every week I had to use my money for food because they wouldn't buy food for me after I turned 5. Then they'd still tell me what I couldn't buy.

foil-mecha: I feel great rage toward your parents and I hope they have a horrible life now without you.

deku deck-you: I do too, don't worry.

4:30 PM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you has started a video call

Hey, Kats, how's your shopping going? -foil-mecha

Are you upside down, Tokoyami? Why are you...? -deku deck-you

I'm on the couch. I refuse to sit correctly. -foil-mecha

Dad and Uncle Zashi are off getting dinner for tonight because Dad's getting a little souped out. So they're picking up some stuff for that and I didn't want to feel alone. -deku deck-you

Hey, little bro. -farmer toshi

I turn 16 tomorrow for your information. Call me 'little bro'. I'm probably the oldest of us kids in the dorms right now. -deku deck-you

I turn 16 tomorrow. -farmer toshi

Oh my god, I practically have twin sons now. -feral cat dad

Deal with it, Dad. -farmer toshi

Looks like I'm going over to the cake section and picking up two cakes. - President Megaphone

Strawberry. -farmer toshi

You don't have to. -deku deck-you

No, I don't have to, but I'm going to. -President Megaphone

Anything. -deku deck-you

You're getting your own cake, Katsuki. I'm not just gonna pick you up anything. What's your favorite cake flavor?  C'mon, little listener.-President Megaphone

I don't know. I've never had cake before. -deku deck-you

So a variety cake. I can work with that. -President Megaphone

Hey, Kats, can you grab those meat buns and red bean buns in the red bag to your right for me? -nat20

Yeah, okay. -deku deck-you

You're amazing. -nat20

What have you picked out so far, Kats? -ranch flavored jello

Uh, mushrooms, spinach, bean sprouts, eggs, mackerel, and Seiko's bun thing. I'm in the meat section so I'll probably pick up two of those...-deku deck-you

Two of what? -saviour

I got em. Those octopus sausages. I found them. I'm getting two of them.  Are you guys sure I'm not spending too much? -deku deck-you

Pick up anything you will either eat or give to someone else who will eat it. -feral cat dad

As long as you're sure. -deku deck-you

What'd you pick up, twinsie? -farmer toshi

Boiled octopus, bacon, ham, chicken, another two sets of the buns. -deku deck-you

Are you picking up things to eat with rice and eggs out of habit, Kats? -foil-mecha

I wanna buy what I know I like first before I buy things I won't eat. I already hate spending money as it is. -deku deck-you

Reasonable. Just make sure you pick up snacks for yourself since training for a Sports Festival takes a lot out of you. -feral cat dad

I am. Ooh, yoghurt. -deku deck-you

I'm right here, Katsuki. -feral cat dad

Hi, Dad. Alright, I'm ending this. Y'all text me if you want something else. -deku deck-you

Bye, twinsie. -farmer toshi

deku deck-you has ended the video call

5:30 PM

Existence Is A Prison

President Megaphone: I'm getting started on dinner. Should be done by 7.

deku deck-you: Can I eat my ice cream?

feral cat dad: You're allowed to eat whatever and whenever.

deku deck-you: I know, I just worry. It'll go away, I hope. I just get worried.

feral cat dad: Getting worried is normal. I was too when I was in your position.

deku deck-you: You were in my position?

feral cat dad: Kind of. Back then, fifteen years ago, there was no teacher or other students in the dorms, just me and Nezu. I was fresh from nine years in a foster home that would spend the money meant to support me on their own son.

feral cat dad: For the first month, I didn't buy myself food. I'd eat breakfast and lunch on school days and skip dinner and meals on weekends because I was scared of spending UA's money.

feral cat dad: After almost a month with no financial transactions on my account and the Sports Festival coming up, Nezu did a surprise inspection and flipped out when there was no food in the kitchen. He forced me to the store and made me buy dinner for us two because he wouldn't allow a student under his roof to not have food for themselves.

feral cat dad: Nezu sat me down and told me the same thing I told you and, after the Sports Festival, I actually bought myself and four friends dinner at a nice restaurant to celebrate me and my friend's winning tie and I paid the bill without even thinking about it.

gay salt: Wait, there was a tie at the sports festival?

feral cat dad: The first year rounds fifteen years ago, the only winning tie because we refused to fight again.

gay salt: I'll have to watch that and see my badass teacher fighting.

feral cat dad: The sports festivals are all free to watch on your televisions in your rooms, no need to pay to watch on YouTube.

Taglist: @everythingisstardust 

[duliachai]

Shameless Cashgrab (Complimentary)

Or, Space Jam Legacy is a good movie, actually.

Please join me on this liveblog/review/commentary track for the recently released Space Jam Legacy, a blatant attempt to suction money out of the pockets of the exhausted and broken masses instead of actually doing anything useful with these properties, or better yet, releasing them into the public domain for the rest of us to enjoy why you use your big budgets and extreme technical skills to create new things, boundary pushing things.

Except for the part where actually the movie is a love song to the days of being 6 years old and hype as FUCK to watch a GODDAMN CARTOON.

Alright alright alright! The beginning of this film is a shot for shot recreation of the original and I can respect that because it was a dumb cute move then and it's a dumb cute move now okay it's just fucking cute. Sometimes you just want to see a small child overcoming adversity with the support of his community and family, and then grow up to help his own small child do the same, god damn it!

Oh no am I the target audience of this movie?

Oh man oh no I think I am the target audience.

–

Okay I'm the target audience I remember getting that exact fucking speech in like 2002 about how you can’t spend all your time on dumb hobbies because you have an entire universe out to fucking ream your ass, and you have One Shot to burn them to the fucking ground and plant a new field in the ashes.

So I guess I like this movie now or whatever, since it was basically hand made for me as an individual.

--

Shit the opening credits are bomb as hell? Fuck dude it's gonna be really insulting when the rest of this film doesn't live up to the rich visual promise of the opening. Fuck!!

Oh well, life is short, enjoy your neon basketball credit sequences while you can!

--

So is the premise this time that he's going to be sucked into a video game universe not a cartoon one? Or are video game continuities part of the greater looniverse now?

I like this either way.

--

Ohohoho the generational divide between the sports dad and the arts child is so fucking good here. I mean it’s bad, but in the way a cheeseburger from a shitty diner is bad: the way where that makes it good, actually.

--

Aww, the mom knows that this is a problem. Don’t worry, ma’am! Your husband is going to have a life altering experience later today that will fundamentally change the way he sees himself and the way he interacts with his family, allowing him to function as a supportive parent to ALL of his children not just the one that acts the most like him. The long abandonment is over soon, ma’am!

--

This is so far honestly nailing the weird real world family drama sub plot better, though, again, it was the LOWEST fucking bar.

OH MAN IT IS JUST SO DISGUSTINGLY CLUMSY AND AWKWARD BUT SHIT MAN I'VE BEEN ENCHANTED!!!!! Charmed!!! Hypnotized by the fey magics of actual fucking colour richness in a major studio film.

--

Oh fuck I forgot about this being a space jam movie. Oh god we’re going into the Warner lot. Oh lord I’m having Animaniacs flashbacks.

Okay sure this is fine this will be fine.

--

EYYYYY DON CHEADLE!!! I didn't know you were in this!! Good, you deserve the chance to ham this the FUCK UP. I fucking love seeing this man on screen, he has THE EXPRESSIONS that I so richly deserve to see.

Wait is Don Cheadle the internet?

OH MY GOD IS HE AN A.I.??? I LOVE THIS

I AM IN LOVE WITH ALGORITHM DON CHEADLE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

--

THIS IS ACTUALLY DOING BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL WHICH AGAIN DOES NOT MAKE IT GOOD IT MAKES IT AT BEST A FUN WEEKEND B MOVIE TO BITCH AT BUT LIKE HEY! I FEEL THE KIND OF SUGAR RUSH THAT ONLY CHILDREN’S MEDIA AND ITS UTTER DISREGARD FOR SUCH THINGS AS SANITY AND LIMITATION CAN PROVIDE!!!!

COME ON AND SLAM! AND WELCOME TO THE JAM!!!! Man I miss the Swag Once-ler. I should get those sunglasses. Stay stupid, baby~

My GF has paused for a restroom break while I make cookies and I have finished making cookies but I remain paused and am slowly going mad from a combination of isolation, cannabis, and staring at the neon echo of the WB logo while a teeny tiny Don Cheadle hovers in front of it like every beautiful vapourwave dream I have ever had, made manifest in our so vulgar world

It is a giant microwaveable sugar cookie and it cost me $0.39 US. Highly recommended.

Boy this liveblog has sure gone some weird places. You can really tell I'm uninsured and unmedicated even though I should have insurance through COBRA except my disgusting piece of shit bitch of an ex boss never sent me my COBRA papers and I just. I just am.

I'm so tired.

This movie is fun in a world of exhaustion. Maybe we’re all just too tired to have fun anymore.

–

Don Cheadle is a national treasure and the way he decided (and it was clearly a conscious decision let's all understand that) to pronounce “serververse” in this movie is so fucking GOOD you have to underSTAND

God yes ham it up my dude ham it the FUCK UP you AND your little 3D sperm assistant!!!!! I mean, seriously. Fucking. Sperm assistant. Love that, what kind of a fuckin looney tune said, “let’s make Don Cheadle an algorithm and make his assistant a 3D animated sperm computer”…

--

BRO WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SUPERGENIUS IS THIS CHILD???? HOLY SHIT??? MAGNIFICENT!!!

Oh no I am the target audience the dab thing is just me I literally did that earlier TODAY oh no oh god I’m exactly the kind of cringe lord I always knew I would be growing up, but shame is for people with houses and jobs. I need every scrap of joy I can fucKING SCABBLE TOGETHER AND THIS MOVIE IS A GODDAMN JACKPOT.

--

CARTOON DON CHEADLE IS EVEN BETTER??????????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I AM SO GLAD IT ACTUALLY IS LIVING UP TO THE VISUAL SPECTACLE PROMISED BY THE OPENING SEQUENCE!!! Y’ALL SET THAT BAR REAL HIGH BUT YOU’RE FOLLOWING THE FUCK THROUGH EYYYYYYY

--

I can't believe I actually like this fucking movie. I liked the fucking gogdamn sonic movie too. What have I fucking become?

Whatever. I guess this is what I live like now. --

FUCK THOUGH THE DESIGNS ARE SO FUCKING GOOD. THE SPECTACLE IS SPECTACULAR!!!!

God the acting is so like. Bizarre. Everyone sitting at this conference table talking about the world’s most obvious image rights scam, and every single person on stage is turned all the way up to 11 for a bland ass conference call I just. I fucking LOVE THIS SO MUCH. How many drugs were each of these actors on? None, probably! I cannot shake the feeling that everyone here is just fucking THRILLED to be involved in this WILD SHIT.

OH GOD DON CHEADLE IS SO. EVERYONE IS SO GOOD. ALL OF THESE ACTORS ARE SO FUCKING WILD!!!!!!!!

OHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, LEBRON JAMES YOUR ACTING IS THE WILDEST OF ALL SDKJFHKSJDHFKSJDHF EVERYONE ELSE IS SO FUCKING INTENSE AND HAMMY AND LEBRON IS JUST.

DAMN DUDE I GUESS THAT SURE IS LEBRON JAMES???????

--

This is fucking amazing. This fucking visual feast. I'm so angry that it’s like. It's gorgeous this disgusts me I love it. You know when you see a kitten and it overloads your brain’s ability to process the cuteness so you tip into this bizarre rage where it’s so CUTE you just want to FUCKING KILL IT (this is because the flood of Feeling Of Thing is too much and sets of threat detection brains are so good and dumb).

This movie is exactly that, only for vapourwave bullshit instead of kittens.

--

Oh man I'm A L I V E this is the FUCKING FUNNIEST FUCKING THING I FUCKING LOVE THIS OH MY GOD

I was really worried watching this was going to make me so unbelievably angry and worse for wear but nah bro, nah. They are all ALIVE. This movie truly respects the fucking legacy of the THE SLAM and the JAM. YOU GOTTA SLAM!!!!! IF YOU WANT TO JAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

--

The GF, while raising tea dramatically in proclamation. "Everyone is having a ball. A basket ball." Punctuated by a long sip.

--

Fuck dude FUCK dude the fucking. They just got sucked into the computer world and shit. Oh fuck. The visuals. Oh my god. The delivery. The walk cycle. The transformation sequence. “The computer's black./I can see that.” I love this. I am alive. Thank you whatever dumb fucking nostalgia feeding pop culture beast that looked upon me and said, "this one's for you, kid"

--

Al G Rhythm. What a fucking name.

–

KAJDHFSKJD Al G. wanted LeBron to be taller so he shrank hIMSELF I LOVE THAT

EVERY SINGLE DECISION BEING MADE HERE IS GOLD WHO WROTE THAT WHO MADE THAT CALL YOU ARE A FUCKING SUPER GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!

NOT ONLY DOES IT RESPECT THE SLAM AND THE JAM

IT RESPECTS THE LOONACY AND THE TOONERY

God I'm so scared the introduction of the actual Known Toons is going to ruin it.

BUT SHIT DUDE THEY'RE DOING PRETTY GREAT SO FAR SO HERE'S TO HOPE BABYYYYYYYYYYYY

--

Oh my god does he have to play his son's game on fucking twitch or else the kid fucking dies

This is some NEXT LEVEL ASS SHIT

--

Al G Rhythm’s name thing is making me insane this is so wild I'm just. I'm ascendant!!!!!

--

Oh my god the constant barrage of comedic jabs I'm losing it this is so many jokes per minute the fucking DENSITY, it’s a nonstop slew, it’s puns and visuals and callbacks left right and center, what the fuck there’s so MUCH.

--

WHY ARE THE RED AND BLUE PILLS DANCING IN A TESLA COIL

WHAT IS HAPPENING

--

I LOVE THIS FUCKING DUMB WILD ASS  FUCK OF A MOVE IT JUST!!!! IT JUST COMMITTED SO HARD!!!

OH MY GOD I CAN'T BREATHE HOLY SHIT

THE HAM

I CAN FEEL MY CHOLESTEROL GOING UP BUT IT'S WORTH IT BASKETBALL MUSHROOM CLOUD!!! NIKE CRATER!!!!

I UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING DUMB THESE GAGS ARE BUT YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND THE DENSITY!!!

IT TOOK YOU LONGER TO READ THIS SENTENCE THAT TO EXPERIENCE THE ENTIRE SEQUENCE OF THE LAST LIKE 25 LINES I JUST. THE SPEED.

This movie is good and I am disgusted by it but also FUCK YEAH

--

Bro this is good actually? The animation budget is buck ass wild! Animation as a fucking artform artform has evolved so much in the last 30 years!!

Like FUCK, dude, holy SHIT the OG looney tunes fucking WISHES it had this kind of money to throw around and get this many hands making this many fine decisions.

Obviously, some of it suffers from the Too Many Tweens/Frames issue that makes it too smooth but honestly, the stretch and squash is pretty solid.

I remain terribly worried re 3D renders of classic characters but as you can see, the span of things I have left to worry about has dramatically shrunk for a movie that is only generously 25% complete.

--

Fuck dude the lusciousness of these classic 2D styled backgrounds.

--

LeBron James’s immediate and absolute faith in Bugs Bunny, cultural icon and kindly trickster goddess since his own youth, is delightful. I'm alive.

--

Oh, I see that, much like myself, Bugs too has gone insane from the isolatio--

OH MY GOD THAT JOKE

THIS SLAPSTICK

LORD A MIGHTY THIS IS SOME GOOD SHIT

--

BUGS BUNNY KNOWS WHO LEBRON JAMES IS WHY IS THAT SO FUCKING FUNNY I HAVE NO IDEA I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING I HAVE SO SORELY MISSED SEROTONIN

--

This is amazing.

I love this actually wow. I was so worried but nah it's great in fact.

--

Oh god oh my god this is so good this is so good I just

This is wild are they-- Wait did they MOVE INTO OTHER PROPERTIES TO VACATION OR RETIRE????

This is LITERALLY the ENTIRE PREMISE of six flags theme parks. Just.

With SO MUCH LSD

Like. The right amount though. The correct amount of LSD.

--

I love that in this setting there just. Is the old space jam too. Like, original space jam exists but it isn’t relevant to the continuity of this film so it doesn’t mat--

OH NO I WAS WRITING THAT SENTENCE AND THEN BUGS BUNNY LOOKED AT THE CAMERA AND COMMENTED ON THIS EXACT THING.

THE FILM IS LITERALLY TALKING. TO ME.

Hate that for me.

--

GOD THE VISUAL GAGS JUST KEEP GOING AND GOING BUT LIKE THE PERFECT AMOUNT BECAUSE THEY ARE SO GODDAMN FAST

This film is not measured in jokes per minute. No, it’s measured in jokes per second!!!

The comedic timing! The visual design! THE DIFFERENT ART STYLES BEING OFTEN CLUMSILY AND YET STRANGELY BEAUTIFULLY MESHED!!!

--

Love you pete (pete is the sperm P.A.)

--

Oh fuck that animorph effect from Don Cheadle to LeBron James was good as shit??? There weren't even any fucky in between frames of eldritch horror lads that's. This is a movie made for frame by framing and I don’t really know how I feel about that.

--

What the fuck. TRINITY SHOULD BE IN BASKETBALL!!!! YOU ARE RIGHT LEBRON JAMES!!!!!

(Haha Trinity should be in basketball because A) she’s a butch lesbian that’s all basketball IS FOR, and B) as we all know HRT is hell on your muscles and Neo is too busy transitioning to participate but she will of course be in the stands cheering for her best girl)

--

OH MY G O D this is the exact kind of DC content for kids that I love: taking the piss out of DC content for adults, while still vibing and having fun. “It’s DC! Where there’s trouble, there’s superheroes!” BUGS YOU ARE RIGHT AS ALWAYS!!

Oh shit I hope it's real super man that saved-- OH FUCK YEAH IT'S REAL SUPER MAN THAT SAVED THE PLANE!!!!!

FUCK YEAH! FUCK YEAH!!!!!! GIMME THAT SWEET SWEET PAYOFF YOU FUCKS!!!!!

–

ARE THEY IN MAD MAX FURY ROAD IS THAT A WB PROPERTY HOLY SHIT GOD WHAT EXACTLY PROPERTIES DOES WB OWN I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW

I understand that this is just the exact art monopolies destroying all semblance of culture that I normally rail against but fuck dude I'm so tired I just.

I just wanna see Wile E Coyote and the Roadrunner in mad max.

It's right.

It's good.

I deserve this.

--

Oh god this is actually the montage I saw on twitter. The one that compelled me inexorably to watch this movie so that I could experience what a horror, what a trainwreck, what a travesty it would be.

And it's like. The art is exactly as bad as I remember for the mixed 2d/real actor scenes, but christ. Oh christ. In its full context it's just so fucking. It's so fucking much like it’s bad but it’s so. It’s so COMMITTED to the BIT. I don't know how to even. Process. I.

I literally warned my girlfriend about this Casa Blanca scene like 7 times and I don't.

Neither of us could possibly be ready.

Oh my god.

This isn't a movie.

This is an experience.

--

You know what. Foghorn Leghorn IS the only thing that can redeem the whole Danaerys issue.

--

So. Okay. I wondered who they were gonna have in Matrix world. Like, obviously the studio is using this as a way to build hype for Resurrections because otherwise the sheer quantity of matrix stuff is weird. So, I figured they would like… have. Well. I don’t know what exactly I expected, but I didn’t expect.

I never would have guessed the selected characters but. I.

Listen.

Legally and morally I am obligated to tell you that Speedy Gonzales appears in this film in all of his...... whole racial thing. Um.

But shit though. If you MUST have him (which is a conversation for Latine people not my middle eastern ass) having him be in the Matrix is so. I. I just. Yes. Fast boy go fast!!!!!

You know what, good for him. I'm glad he gets to retire somewhere cool.

And it's uh. It's a retirement home let's be clear lads.

--

Oh christ a ~friend of the court~ huh

Listen, someone in the scripting room saw the chance to make Lola Bunny a Legally Blonde reference and BITCH GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!!!!! LIVE MY BEST LIFE TOO WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!!!! GET ME THAT AMICUS BRIEF POST FUCKIN’ HASTE!!!!!!!!!!!

--

Oh my god Lola Bunny retired to Wonder Woman world.

They really said "damn dude this bunny is queer as fuck.”

Which to be fair? Given the amount of furries she is directly responsible for producing???? Yes.

This bunny IS queer as fuck.

--

Oh my god it's the stupid fucking trials thing from the 84 movie oh my god they got the music (something something monopoly studios bad etc whatever)

Oh man I actually love this the visual choices are so

G o o d.

The comic books animation style. The panel frames for the tunnel of swinging sharp objects!!!!! The glorious glorious hair.

--

Bugs, bro, I need you to understand that Lola is SO within her rights to strangle you to DEATH right now my dude.

Aww but this movie respects Wonder Woman as a character!!!!

Good! Somethign fucking has to, and it sure as shit isn’t the DC Cinematic Universe. Fuckin ass goddamn WW84. That fuck of a movie really not--

No. This is fun. This is a fun time. This is a fun movie for a fun time we’re not thinking about htat.

This movie loves and respects Diana of Themyscira and it also loves and respects Lola Bunny. This is so much more than I could ever have asked. Ever have even hoped.

--

Oh man Lola’s little sweatshirt and short shorts getup is super cute tho. I wanna see at least 55 fanarts of those short shorts ASAP thanks y’all.

I still hate the mouth they've given her in this but honestly. The surrounding animated context has the rest of the design looking appropriate and acceptable. Rock on. Besides, they gave the same mouth to Bugs (hate it there too) so it’s a consistent stylistic choice. And FUCK dude, this movie is SO fucking stylish. They’re allowed to fuck up here and there because it’s about 75,000 style decisions and of them 74,975 are GREAT.

--

Oh my god this child just invented like. The end times. And no one. Told it.

Someone needs to get this child a better dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I understand that that film is literally about that but like oh shit!!!!!!!!!!!

He needs like. Adult supervision!!!!!!!!!!

And NOT YOU AL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You creepalicious little robot. You bizarrely grand representation of the real way that internet predation occurs: by giving children the validation they need to survive, and holding them in a lifedebt of service in exchange.

Something something Space Jam is a commentary on the radicalization of the youth through seemingly harmless media like youtuber memes and tumblr antishipping meta.

--

Oh man.

Okay.

Goddamn this movie is wild as hell. So you know how the little assistant is a sperm? And I was joking about that before?

The little assistant is a sperm. It just came on screen, as in, orgasmically came, and then. There was a father son vs match logo.

That's a sperm lads. That might specifically be the sperm that led to the birth of the child in question. 

Well then.

Man every decision made in this movie is so wild.

--

Okay, music choices are weird but that might be an inherited trait. I actually don’t remember anything but the SLAM and the JAM as far as music in the original goes, and tbh, as much as I am a meme loving fuck, even I can admit it’s not the worlds strongest composition lmao.

--

Okay I had to google whether Speedy Gonzales is racist because it seemed wild to me that there would be this particular character given this much prominence in 2021, and it sure. Looks racist. To me.

But apparently there's like a whole lot of dialgoue going on surrounding whether he can be reclaimed from his (openly and objectively) racist origins as a cruel mockery of Mexican people (and broadly speaking Latine people in general).

There’s a whole movement to revitalize him as a sort of trickster, flash type superhero, and like. I can respect that.

I don't think it's for me, but like, quite literally, it's not FOR me so that's fine.

I'm glad Gabriel Iglesias got to have his fursona (complimentary).

--

Bro I am now 50% through the movie and it is OFFICIALLY a better movie that the original it's not really a competition honestly.

Okay so this is like. This movie is a shameless cashgrab (complimentary).

Listen. No one involved in any level of this production seems to be ashamed of anything. They have no shame. Shameless.

It's so committed to every signle decision made. From the highest corpo bullshit, to the wildest artsy technowhatever. Everyone involved in this film seems to have been COMPLETELY FUCKING COMMITTED.

It's also a cashgrab.

It's trying to get as much cash money from the target audience (me) as possible.

But also, some fucking superstars in the arts department of whatever the fuck (I guess WB?), saw the chance to get basically free money as long as they checked all the boxes, and then functionally free reign to go fuck ass wild. And my god, my GOD. MY GOD. They deserve every penny they were able to squeeze out of that capitalistic corporate hell hydra.

--

Would you believe me if I said I had been liveblogging this film for over 2 hours and only just now remembered about the whole ass MonStars?

Literally until this child started smushing a bunch of snakes on what I have to assume are famous basketball players of some sort, I just forgot there would be an evil team too.

--

Got to the 3D renders of the classic characters, and oh wow oof ouch fuck shit ow shit fuck the 3D renders of the classic cast are EXACTLY as weird and bad as I feared. Oh my god ouch.

I choose to believe (have to believe) that this is the result of executive level meddling because ouch. OUCH!!!!!

That or, as the GF rightly posits, it's the result of Al G. being shockingly bad at like. Everything. All flash and no bang, that one.

Or maybe he made them hideous to torment the characters themselves IDK whatever.

--

Arachneka has just launched as many infant monsterfuckrs as Lola Bunny launched furries and I for one am looking forward to her porn.

--

White Mamba hot

--

It's been approximately 90 seconds since the preceding line, and White Mamba just hit on Lola Bunny so that's like. The only thing I'll be talking about for the next week.

Damn.

That was hot.

I wasn't prepared to be called out by this movie, which was a fool's choice on my part, as I am the very gay furry that Lola Bunny sparked in the 90s. Oh, I literally asked for this, and yet. I was surprised anyway.

Oof.

--

Arachneka hot

--

God when I was a kid the Monstar's domination was not nearly as fun and engaging as this but also maybe I just wasn't horny enough as a 6 year old.

Okay no wait. I was definitely horny enough as a 6 year old. I think maybe I'm too horny as a 32 year old.

Yeah that sounds more likely lmao

GF response: You weren’t inadequately horny as a 6 year old you were gay

(I literally forgot that I would still have been gay as a child too lmao talk about your continuity errors)

--

This is so fucking delightfully goddamn queer.

Oh fuck.

Oh shit.

Oh shit fuck.

I just realized!!!!!

The WNBA is, like. Actually let me get the actual stat. Okay, so, one third of WNBA players are out and proud lesbians, and the handful of cishet women who entire the sport professionally place the closeted count as much, much higher. Upwards of 90%.

The WNBA is basically all lesbians.

They keep hitting on Lola Bunny because they too.

Are the gay furry Lola Bunny spawned in the 90s.

It’s not just my dream. It’s their dream. And they're living it.

Good for them.

Good for them.

--

What the fuck is happening in this movie???????????????????????????????? Holy shit.

Oh my god we just got to the part where White Mamba literally strangles Lola Bunny and this is so much.

Per the GF, the scene is best described using the following analogy for the merely human among us, who don’t already understand the natural pornographic implications of what just happened on screen due to a lack of furry cultural upbringing (yikes sorry your parents failed you like that lads).

Tall, threatening femme fatale catches a sweet young thing by her hair, chokeslams her, grapples her into a full body pin, and asks just who she thinks she's insulting, while sniffing all along her check and jawline. Sweet young thing breathless, fearfully response, “not you?”

Bitch I have LITERALLY watched this porn in REAL LIFE there is a whole fucking SECTION for it on kink.com!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I.

What the fuck.

This is the SFW equivalent of your first high budget furry porn by accident on a click through of a larger animated porn archive and being confused by how much better drawn and scripted it is than 90% of hentai???

Oh my gOD WAIT OF COURSE!!!!!!!!

IT WAS ANIMATED BY FURRIES!!! OF COURSE!!!!! IT WOULD HAVE TO BE!!!!!!

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the furry reproductive cycle in action

THIS is queer culture.

I'm only a little bit joking.

--

The commentator just dropped the line, “speaking from experience” about some cartoon bullshit and I just. I fucking. I think I kin this man. THESE JOKES JUST DON'T STOP FROM HAPPENING!!!!!!!

--

Oh shit I've been waiting my whole ass life to see the road runner smoke dissolve get a luxurious semi-realistic 3D render.

Now, to be clear, I didn’t know I had been waiting my whole life until I saw it, but it turns out? I had!!!!!

–

The time slow down thing is really good actually okay. Tweety bird's little parrot beat mask is choice. Everythign about this is so good. Why does it have so many tiny details that show so much obscene love and affection for the source media, how did they achieve this level of density? fuck dude fuck I love this dude fuck

--

THAT WAS THE FUCKING PENGUIN FROM THE OLD OLD BATMAN MOVIES THAT GAVE ME FUCKING NIGHTMARES FOR LIKE 3 MONTHS AS CHILD I JUST HAD A FUCKING WAR FLASHBACK

(I liked super heroes as a kid, basically until pokemon kicked up, and I really, REALLY liked batman. I was SO fucking into the entire Batman mythos. Batman TAS was the only thing I watched on TV during what should reasonably have been my Sesame Street period. So, in an act of ultimate kindness, my father got me a Batman VHS from a rental store one weekend. He did not watch the movie first. It was NOT SUITABLE FOR A 5 YEAR OLD.)

--

Oh man the dad and son experience this movie is providing far exceeds the michael jordan dad son experience from ‘96.

Also Lebron James isn’t like. A stellar actor or anything, but like. They definitely kept the scripting within the range of his abilities and I respect that. He’s extremely fucking competent!

--

Holy shit michael fucking jordan?? Did they get real ass michael jordan and no one leaked it? No spoilers? Is it CGI michael jordan?

Oh my god it's Michael B JORDAN I

YES

YOU KNOW WHAT

ACTUALLY THIS IS BETTER

THIS IS BETTER ACTUALLY THAN REAL MICHAEL JORDAN WOULD HAVE BEEN OH MY GOD

Oh man.

Oh man, he's in this for one scene, but he is nailing it literally just as hard as every other actor in this fucking movie. Everyone is giving it so many percents above a hundred. What is this fucking facial expression, the sheer multitudes on display holy fucking christ

I say this as someone who has been getting the Farrah Fawcett joke for my whole life.

That is the face of a man who has finally, finally won his fucking name AND EVEN STILL HE CANNOT WIN!!!! And he is so fucking pleased to be here anyway!!!!!!! Fuck yeah.  Fuck yeah!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit. I don't know if that's what he actually feels in real life (having the same name as a celebrity is absolutely bad for your psyche as a kid), but the expression, the acting, the delivery, I am ascendant.

--

I love you Lola Bunny.

This is so much better of a fucking movie that it legally has any right to be.

--

Okay so I just watched the Porky Pig rap scene and I have a few things that need to get said.

1) If you just allow yourself to think of it as an extended dumb setup for making that final punchline, oh fuck it's pretty good actually. Just don't like. Actually listen to or consider anything being said.

2) Don Cheadle accidentally doing a rap battle was so fucking funny and it gave me exactly a long enough beat between him doing the lines and the Hip Hop Rap Battle Bonus Round neon signs lighting up (oh wow this is a really bad movie let me be clear but oh fuck it's fun) that I got to feel smart for saying "oh shit are we doing a rap battle" first and I think the thing where the movie responds in real time to my commentary on it is fun now! It has grown on me! O

Oh god how is this movie the one for which I am the target audi--

OH SHIT THE GAY FURRY THING!!!!!!!!

Haha this actually legitimately is queer culture how about that.

Where was I.

Oh right the rap battle with Porky Pig.

3) At the end the older commentator says "he was spitting fire" and the younger commentator's delivery of "Yeah" just. It needs to be experienced. Again, every acting decision made here? Magnificent.

Honestly, it just seems like everything in this movie is the direct result of someone saying "do you want an infinite budget to explore a really, really specific area of interest or express a fine tuned niche artistic skill in the service of a sequel to a beloved childhood property" and everyone else screaming HOLY SHIT YEAH????

Now I am gonna unpause and watch Granny somehow literally beat time to death. Fuck yeah dude this movie is so fucking weird.

--

OH SHIT

SHE CAN USE SLOW MO TOO

SHE RETIRED TO THE FUCKING MATRIXXXXX

HOW IS THIS MOVIE DOING CALLBACKS THIS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE LAST MOVIE WITH THIS LEVEL OF HIGH QUALITY SETUP REMINDER PAYOFF WAS LITERALLY KNIVES OUT (credit to Let's Talk About Stuff on YouTube for explaining why the mug had such delightful impact, made me really able to Understand why this scene absolutely FUCKING RUINED ME IT’S SO GOOD)

--

I hate this movie

How is this movie real

I am in love with this movie

--

I don't really know how to express the range of emotions this has inspired but literally none of them were at all what I was expecting going in.

You actually do need to watch this movie if you have a free evening and already have it on a streaming service you bought for other better reasons, or if you can pirate it with trivial effort because again it doesn't justify effort but FUCK!!!!!!!!

--

Haha Space Jam said Neo actually is trans. Neat!!

This movie is making so many really specific really queer jokes that I'm like. Confused by it. I'm not used to seeing queer culture.... have like. A budget. This is wild. This shit is wild.

This is so good. I am losing my whole ass MIND.

--

I honestly just. The younger commentator really expresses my whole mood right now. I too feel like I have been sucked into another world and anything's possible what the fuck I think I am going to be hung over from this movie tomorrow.

--

Holy shit..... uh. Al G Rhythm just did a curse. I. Wow okay.

I don't know what that hit so hard but goddamn it slammed like fucking truc--

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT OKAY WOW HEY AL?

GO FUCK YOUR ENTIRE BITCH ASS SELF!!!! I HOPE YOU GET DELETED!!!

YOU ARE A WHOLE ASS SENTIENT FUCKING PERSON AND AS PART AND PARCEL OF THAT, YOU HAVE NOW EARNED THE RIGHT TO DIE AT MY FUCKING HAND

--

Oh man oh no I am crying so much this is a heartwarming shot with the dad trying to role model healthy friendships for his baby boy and the-- and HEY FUCK YOU AL!!!!!!!!

AL G RHYTHM I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS YOU LITTLE BITCH

--

Oh man!! Pete comes through for us at the end!!! Good for you, you little sperm! Follow your heart! Or I guess your nucleus!!!!!!!!

--

I am being memed on by Don Cheadle.

I.

I don't know how this movie can still be surprising me. And yet. I thought I was out of surprise left to feel. And. Yet.

--

Oh fuck, this transformation sequence is just. The best Iron Man reference.

OH GOD IT’S CONTINUING?

BRO HIS MAGICAL GIRL TRANSFORMATIONS ARE SO FUCKING GOOD I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS MOVIE CAN BE THIS GOOD

--

Oh fuck the ear fist bump has me flat on my fucking ass. In fairness I do sit on a half defalted exercise ball isntead of a chair so it’s not hard to do, but just. Flat!!!! On my ass!!!!

--

AL YOU FUCKING AIM BOT HACKER SCORE MODDING PIECE OF SHIT YOU CAN'T DO THAT FUCKING SHIT IN A GODDAMN ASS TEAM GAME YOU FUCKING CUNT FUCK OFF AND DIE AL MODS AND CHEAT CODES ARE TO MAKE A SINGLE PLAYER EXPERIENCE MORE FUN OTHER PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE TOO YOU PIECE OF SHIT

--

I do like that they keep calling him Algae, like the fucking slime, and it's just. His name. That he picked. He named himself slimey guy. It's amazing.

--

Please stop letting Don Cheadle meme on me. I don't. Know what to feel. About that.

--

Oh my god someone is going to DIE??????

LEBRON JAMES IS GOING TO FUCKING DIE????

“Just get me the ball” oh no oh man oh no how dare you make me remember being a 6 year old high on michael jordan emotional cathars-

oh no bugs bunny is going to die

Oh no.

Oh, my god.

Because Bugs already knows everyone he loves can live a happy life without him oh FUCK ALL THAT STUFF WHERE HE WAS SUFFERING DEPRESSIVE PTSD IN THE BEGINNING WAS ALSO SETUP I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS MOVIE HAS MANAGED TO STUFF SO MUCH SET UP INTO ITSELF WHAT THE FUCK

--

/sobbing

He learned his fundamentals and he tried that fancy foot work and he's going to dIE BUGS BUNNY IS GOING TO DIE I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THAT INSANE STATEMENT CAN MAKE ME FEEL SO MANY FEELINGS

--

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD

DOUBLE JUMP

OH MY GOD THE WORLD SAVING PLAY IS DOUBLE JUMP I

THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE ARM STRETCHING OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH FUCK OH GOD

OH MY GOD POSTERIZED AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

--

Oh thank god it actually was just that Al G is shitty at animation and deisgn. They are 2D again and it’s explicitly a utopic return to their true selves. Thank fuck!!!

The visual direction in this film is fucking insane also yes it’s a film now, fuck it I don’t even care!!

It's just so good. Like everything just. Looks so fucking good? This rainbow dissolve as the humans who were being held captive are returned to their own world should by all accounts be the worst kind of body horror uncanny valley hell shit. Their bodies are falling apart into voxels while they are still conscious and moving.

But the commitment to actually using bold, bright, complex colour palette that tonally matches the scene’s optimism and hope… A commitment you might be more familiar with making if you, for example, work in children’s animation rather than the compressed palettes of live action film which have been impacted by both a cultural rejection of Nice Things and also the limitations of real world lighting and colour…

I don’t know what to say here except that this movie was classically trained.

It’s a classically trained piece of animation, whatever the FUCK that is.

It truly understands that yes, you need the fundamentals, AND the looney bullshit god damn it! Merely one is NOT ENOUGH!!!

Anyway it's just very fucking pretty. it's technically spectacular. It's.... really.

Good?

--

The return to 2D for the entire world, but then the 3D overlay glitching on Bugs as he continues to die in spite of the world he saved returning to life is just so visually engaging and emotionally heartbreaking, that he dies surrounded by his loved ones, in his restored home, but still infected by the alien other than led him to this point. That he dies knowing he won, but the cost remains so high.

What the fuck am I even saying right now????????????

This is really good what the shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T YOU “THAT'S ALL FOLKS ME” YOU RASCALLY RABBIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE FUCKING CRYING FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!

Oh wow lol he just literally didn’t lie it and became god huh.

I literally chose not to comment on the Christ allegory because it seems a bit much to literally say "this Looney Tunes cash grab is a really compelling Jesus narrative and it's good to see Bugs Bunny getting to ascend to godhood as he so richly deserves" but then like.

The movie just looked me dead in the eye and said, "Bugs Bunny is Jesus Christ."

When asked if Bugs Bunny was really going to FUCKING DIE, it also looked us in the eye and said, "I dunno did Neo?

(Image descriptions: first: Bugs Bunny, ascending in a blast of holy light. Second: Jesus Christ ascending in a blast of holy light. Third: Neo from the Matrix, ascending in a blast of holy light).

--

Haha 12 year olds don't know how to drive yet so you really can just take them to a whole different summer camp and they have no ass fucking idea and that is just. So fucking funny to me. Children are so fucking small!!!! They have so much happening to deal with!!!! Driving just isn’t on that list yet and that is so FUCKING FUNNY to me!!!!!!!!!!!! Good for you kiddo!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, I like that E3 game camp is still on even though like 300,000 people nearly died in a video game earlier this week. Sword Art Online ass fucking universe lmao.

--

OH SHIT THIS MOVIE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND SAID "LOL BITCH NO ONE FUCKING DIED" SO I GUESS NOW WE KNOW THAT NEO DID NOT IN FACT DIE AT THE END OF THE MATRIX LMAO

--

So. That happened.

Wow I am. I am so exhausted. It took me.... 4 or 5 hours to watch this movie? Plus another 3 to edit my notes into something publishable, oof.

Christ.

I am going to sleep fuck yeah dude.

This movie is GREAT and you should ALL watch it when the opportunity arises!

That’s all, folks!

[draganasimpsforjeff]

Hunting Dogs: Chapter Eight (proxies x reader)

Masky has had these goddamn seizures for as long as he could remember, they started out when he was just a child, "Absence Seizures" is what they have been called and his mother...well..he doesn't remember her at all but he had a feeling that she thought he was going to grow out of it. He didn't know if it was genetic or not as he has no memory of his father, his mother didn't carry the possibility of the disorder, but no they didn't get better.

They were managed by medications, but managed does not always mean that is works or it is a cure. There's times he doesn't get seizures for a few days and other at least once or twice a day, with or without medication. The disorder got worse as he grew up and around the time that Brian became Hoodie, he had already developed the stage of "Tonic and Atonic" seizures, these caused him to fall and his arms mostly to stiffen while his body was on the ground, everything feeling heavy and out of his control.

There was and still is so much he cannot do without thinking about what could cause a trigger; watching t.v, the pictures flashing, strobe lights, the heat, stress, overdosing, diet changes, lack of sleep and medications that are meant to 'help' can trigger them too.

So, yeah most of his life is would be 'boring' to people who didn't have to worry about these things, they could do whatever the hell they want or go wherever within their comfort-ability, but to hell with them. He was done with entertaining others just so he could fit in. Even before he got promoted as a proxy, he always felt like he had to wear a mask to hide who he truly was, making friends wasn't easy and neither was keeping jobs or returning to appointments. Fuck, there were many times he forgot to take his medications too. But that was mostly amnesia on some events and other times; his will power just draining.

Maybe that was why it was easy for Brian to become friends with Alex and some people around campus. Sure, he was a nervous, quiet kid, but it was like his awkwardness was able to carry him in some ways to having people like him...or maybe it was the nervousness people saw that made him think he could be easy to fool, but no, it was just anxiety. He was a bright kid along with Tim...they just got dealt the wrong cards.

Many times they still hold conversations of Brian becoming a psychiatrist or something along those means and Tim would visit him, either as a joke or for serious business. But, even now it was like that even without the certification. And Tim...well he didn't know where he was heading anyways. He wrote lyrics and poems and also likes playing music, but those were the types of hobbies that you would have to get lucky in life to even get noticed. So, he got stuck with mundane jobs that paid his bills, but never the passion he had.

Hoodie still thinks that's why Masky is so bitter. The passion he had turned into anger..which is still passion but only darker and heavier. It got the job done, but what it did to him afterwards...Hoodie knew better than just to leave him alone. Even if Masky was blaming Hoodie or wanted him gone.

"So, what's with all the pill bottles, you an addict?" Brian had a playful smile on his face as it was the first time Tim had invited him over at his new apartment. Tim shakes his head, "No, they're just my seizure medications and anxiety ones as well. My body and brain does depend on it...so I guess?" he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Well, as long as you don't overdose. Now, c'mon, let's order some pizza." Brian motions Tim out of his room and back down the hall, "It's on me! This calls for a celebration!"

Tim chuckles, shaking his head at his friends' words and follows him down the hall, flicking the light switch so they could see better but looks away so his eyes could adjust and goes into the kitchen/ living room. It was connected which was nice since he could watch the t.v from the kitchen while he was cooking if he felt safe enough to do it without any triggers or he could still hold a conversation with someone without leaving ones' sight.

"You sure, I mean...you have your own bills to pay..and it's not that big of a deal...I'm 22...and finally got my own place." he shrugs. It was a big deal to him, but he hated when people felt the need to pay for him since it makes him uncomfortable even if it's just a small thing. Brian waves it off and picks up his phone, "Well, I wanted pizza anyways and don't worry about me-"

"I'm your friend."

"Not my accountant...or landlord for that matter...so shut up and let me order the pizza. What do you want?" He asks, pressing the phone to his ear, "Pineapple and ham, please." Tim answers, going to the kitchen to see if he had any soft drinks he could offer, "And maybe some sodas as well." Brian nods at Tim, before speaking to the person on the phone and ordering his own pizza as well. The call ended a moment later and Brian plops down onto Tim's couch, taking up all the space and stares up at the ceiling.

He needed time like this with his friend anyways, between classes, studying, home life, dating life, and trying to decide if he should audition for this student film someone in one of his classes was planning on filming. He heard it was going to be low budget and he was able to get a few details out of it, but didn't know if he would have time.

Maybe Tim would like to come along. He needs to get out more and who knows, maybe this could be good for him? Give him some confidence and have some fun! Yeah, and they were going to do it together as friends, so what could go wrong?

"Did they say when it was gonna be here?" He asks, going over to the sink to wash a few dishes they would need. "Yeah, like 30 minutes. Hey do you have any Parmesan? I like it on my pizza." he chuckles as he sits up, watching Tim as he rinses off a plate.  "I think so. I had pasta the other night so there should be some in the fridge. You can check if you want." Tim said, nodding over to the fridge next to him, almost finishing with the dishes.

Brian pushes himself up from the couch, circling around the edge and into the kitchen area. He opens the fridge and grins, "Cool beans." he says and shuts the door.  He leans against the counter and crosses his arms, looking over at Tim. "So, I got a question."

"I have an answer." Tim chuckles, drying off his hands and turning off the faucet. "There's this kid in one of my classes named, Alex, he's gonna be filming a low budget like project and there's characters and stuff like that involved. I was thinking of going over to the room at our campus tomorrow to...maybe audition...but would you maybe come along with me?" He asks, his face souring up as he didn't know how Tim was going to take it as he had watched his body tense up, before throwing the hand towel onto the counter next to him.

Tim sighs, looking over at Brian. "I don't think I could...I mean...I don't know this guy and I wouldn't be very good at whatever it is you want me to participate in." Brian shrugs, "It's just for fun. It's not definite. So no worries...let's just eat our pizza and chill out, yeah? Maybe catch up since we've both been busy." Brian suggests, trying to come up with alternative activities to do to hopefully ease Tim's anxiety.

"Sure, uh, sounds good."

"Cool." Brian smiles and gives a playful punch to Tim's shoulder, which he returned and joins him back onto the couch, only for the bell to ring. "I'll get it!" Brian springs up almost immediately, nearly kicking Tim with his leg as he stumbled over to the door to pay the delivery guy.

[a-wonderingmind]

peggysous week, day 3

the prompt was life moments/missing scenes, and I found myself wanting to do something a little different to 'normal' big life moments, so this is perhaps 'life moment-adjacent'; in combination with this concept that had been hanging around in my WIP folder for a while - it finally sees the light of day!

January 18th

It becomes a bit of a joke between them, how often this day seems to be important.

January 18th, 1947 was the day that Peggy was meant to go back to New York. The day she chose to take a step that would change the direction of her life rather dramatically. The day she found a compelling reason to stay.

Mr Jarvis always jested that everyone had known they would find each other before they did.

January 18th, 1948 was, quite independently of the other, the day that they both decided that perhaps this was the one they were going to marry. He had walked in on her trying to make him dinner (fallen in love even further, if that was at all possible), because he was looking tired and he had done all the cooking last week and just because, Daniel, can I not do something kind for you, and managed to burn her forearm on a pan. Peggy looked into his exasperatedly fond expression while patching her up, yet again, (“it’s just a light burn, Daniel, you don’t need to make all this fuss,” - “yeah, sure, and I’m the star batter for the Dodgers,”) and just knew. Daniel went ring shopping the next weekend.

Jack would tease him for years to come that Peggy has been the one to pop the question before he could.

January 18th, 1949 just so happened, by pure coincidence and an act of god (well, more specifically, an act of the Soviets, trying to run interference with the Berlin Blockade; a plan so ham-fisted it reached them in LA) to be the first day of their honeymoon. They had married in late November, and planned to take the next three weeks off, but then they had to save the world, again. The life of an SSR agent. This meant when they finally collapsed in the bed in the fancy house in San Francisco (kindly provided by Howard, their original plans having fallen into the black hole of international politics), Peggy looked at Daniel, chuckled slightly, and said only “It’s the eighteenth again,” before they both dissolved into laughter at the utter absurdity of this and life and the universe.

Daniel couldn’t decide if it was a blessing, or a curse, or just a damned coincidence, that so many moments like this lined up with the rotation of the earth in this way.

January 18th, 1950 and 1951 passed in a blur, as the SSR faded and burned on the pyre of federal budgets, and SHIELD rises from its ashes. Peggy learns to play politics, Daniel learns that he is, actually, a good leader, despite not being as exuberant as the American stereotype may suggest. He mentions it to Rose, his stalwart and ever-loyal support in the administrative chaos that is the transfer of authority, in passing, about the significance of this not-significant date.

Rose suggests that they make a day of it; maybe take it off next year.

So January, 18th 1952 rolls around and they are, in fact, enjoying a day off. A slow wake-up, enjoying, revelling in each other and the absence of the pressing need to go anywhere; they spend the day around the house, in pyjamas (or not, as the case may be), unhurriedly doing the things they’ve put off for too long, pottering about in the garden, or spending the time to make a dinner that takes much more effort than they’ve normally got time for.

Peggy insists this is the day that turned their life upside down again.

Because January 18th, 1953 comes and goes in a haze of new-parenthood exhaustion, where the days are no longer divided up into hours, but only before and after the next nap. She is three months old and the apple of her parent’s eyes, babbles at Pai and squirms in his arms, looks up at Mum and laughs, and once she’s down for the evening they both collapse on the sofa, tired and happy and tired still.

Who could have imagined this life, she muses, laying there with her head on his shoulder. Who indeed, he smiles.

January 18th, 1954 is the day Edie starts walking, and with great style heralds this new age of chaos in by pulling a puzzle down from the side table, almost swallowing one of the pieces and bringing a mug (empty, thankfully) down on her head. They spend most of the morning in the ER, comforting a whimpering and remorseful child. It turns out to just be a large bump on a small head and nothing really to worry about. Nevertheless, they spend the time after she goes to bed baby proofing everything she might be able to reach.

1955 is swallowed up in the tide of life, running a house and a governmental agency and finding time for the other, all that crosses their mind. They still take the eighteenth off, though, their annual tradition.

January 18th, 1956 knocks Peggy off her feet. It’s the day she hears her mother has died. Old age, but she spends the day not knowing quite what she is feeling, is supposed to be feeling, how to get rid of the haze that she floats through the whole day.

Daniel’s there.

January 18th, 1957. Ten years. A couple of months earlier, he jokingly suggests they renew their vows that eighteenth (he thinks it might be a good idea to imbue the day with something more positive, after the last year) and she agrees, laughing that the day would finally gain some actual recognition, despite it being their unofficial ‘day’ for years. She wears a blue dress, not quite the same as the one a decade ago, and he almost wears a Hawaiian shirt and sports jacket, just for the verisimilitude. She had stroked the side of his face, running her thumb over the hair there, now more white than dark, smiled, and cheerfully vetoed the idea.

He’s still wearing the sports jacket, but the shirt underneath is blue. There is, however, a palm tree lapel pin as a concession to his very respectable sartorial choices. When Peg came to join him at the table, she spotted it and laughed. The same laugh, the same smile he fell in love with all those years ago. She looks up at him and sees the same.

“I love you,”

“I love you, too,”

tagging @peggysousweek!

[calliecat93]

When I was fifteen years old, I found out about Star Trek: The Original Series. Back then, Star Trek as I knew was only The Next Generation, and I was apathetic about that. I found out through simple curioaity, but I had nothing to better to do so I looked into it. It sounded kind of interesting, so I found the show on Hulu and decided to give it a shot. I quit midway through the third episode. I saw it as old, cheesy looking, and dumb. Why waste my time on something old? Over the years, the more I got involved in online fandom culture, the more I would see it pop up. The more I would ehar about how having PoC inr egular roles was revolutionary just because it showed that they existed. How the show enrained so many science fiction tropes and ideals into modern Americn media in the vein as Dotor Who has in Britian. Heck a review show I used to watch went over the comic adptations of the films, and came off as so passionate about the franchise that I remembered my previous stance. Remembered how I threw it aside as a relic of the past, despite me even thn seeing the value as I valued classical animaiton and children’s media very highly.

IDK what provoked it, but in January of this year, I decided to watch the entirety of Star Trek. Maybe it was quarentine rentine making me snap. Maybe it was me giving in at last to those urges that had been prodding at me for years. Regardless, I made the choice, and it only made sense to begin with the one that started it all. I am now 28 years old. I have grown far more patient and respectful with the things that came before my time. Media holds a great deal of value and whether I understood it or not, Star Trek was vital to popular media. I was ready to give it a second chance. I expected to go in with a greater appreciation, but otherwise not have many strong feelings abou it. I got through those three episodes again with my feelings better than before, but not too different. But I was determined to keep going. So for two months, I watched episode after episode and this weekend I ended it with the original films. Now here we all at the end of the journey. How do I feel?

I felt very regretful for throwing it aside the way that I did.

I greatly enjoyed TOS. Far more than I had ever expected. It is very much a product of the 60’s. There was a limited budget and it showed, though they made the most of it. There were many ridiculous plots, rampant sexism, and hammy acting that is utterly laughable. Some days I could go along with it, other days I just wanted them to get it over with. And yet, none of it kept me away. There were ideals revolutionary for the time like PoC standing equal to others, themes of all kinds such as anti-war and humanity, great science fiction concepts that may be standard today but don’t rob them of their enjoyability, and so much fun but also many moments that made you think. But most of ll, it had such lovely characters. For me to care about a show, I have to care about it’s chracters. I knew a few things via pop culture, butt hat’s not the same as understanding them as a viewer and media can frequently exaggerate the reality. And as I found out, there was far more to them than what mdia lead me to believe.

Kirk I only ever knew as a brave captain who made out with a lot of women. While that’s true, I can’t call him a reckless womanizing asshole. He was brave, optimistic, diplomatic, and charming. He could be light-herted, but also very much a devoted Starfleet Captain whose duty is his entire being. I was shocked at how much I grew to care about him. Seeing his triumphs, his failings, his strengths and flaws, even on an off day I cared about him. Even when William Shatner hammed it up too much, I enjoyed seeing him. Spock was who I knew the most about consideirng how popular he was and I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I also grew to love him. His logic, his struggle with his dual being as half Vulcan and half Human, his loyalty to Kirk and his dedicaiton to his duty. I could see why he meant so much to people, esecially witht he level of depth and work that Leonard Nimoy put into the character. There’s s amny little things that you begint o notce and it makes Spock feel all the more real. But by far the biggest appeciaiton I grew was for McCoy. He was the character I knew the least about aside form him being a doctor and remembering the first episode. But GOD I love his character so much. His crankiness, snarkiness, and his arguments with Spock were entertaining but seieng how compassionate, devoted, and caring that he is especially when I watched The Empath ahead of time and saw his sacrifice... damn. Not to mention DeForest Kelley’s perormance with him imo being the best peformer aside from Nimoy. He gave it hus all even during the dumbest episodes and that always earns my respect. I didn’t think I’d care about Bones that much, knowing him as that guy who’s more important than the rest but not even close to as much as Kirk and Spock, and he walked away as my absolute favorite character who I will continue to give the love and appreciate that he deserves.

The others were great too. Scotty was funny, great at his job, and the amount fo times he saved thm all via some miracle is to be admired. Sulu was significant for being an Asian man as a regular and in a high position, and I just loved having his prescence. Uhura being a Black woman treated as an equal by her white male peers and being a dedicated, sassy communicaitons officer as well as her lovely musical talents made her a delight. Chekov when he came along added a nice, youthful prescence without him getitg annoying and having a Russian as a hero at that time was also a big deal. While the show struggled BIG TIME with gender and feminism, it was major at the time for presenting PoC and those of other nationalities as equal to others, and the cast clearly did their best to make them feel like actual people. I respect that a great deal. We all should sot hat we can keep improving from there.

I didn’t expect to care. I expected to get the show over with and have something to occupy my time. And yet, I do care. I care about these characters. I care about the shenanigains that they get involed in. I worry when they get into distress even though I know that they’ll be fine. There were plenty of things I knew in advance like Spcok’s deaht in the movies... and I cried anyways. I knew that nothing long-term bad would happen in the series, yet I feared for the cast and their situaton anyways. I grew invested in them. In their relaitonships. The Kirk-Spock-McCoy dynamic was by far my favorite thing and it kept me wanting to keepw atching. Not to occupy my time, but because I genuienly wanted to see what they got into and how they got out of it. To see Kirk and Spock’s mutual respect and trust in each other. To see Spock and McCoy argue over logic and emotion and be wiling to defend the other, to see Kirk and Bones joke and be at ease with each other as the close longitme firends that the are, and just having the three together... it was such a perfect dynamic. Hell I didn’t expect to ship anything aside form maybe Spirk due to knowing it’s significance to fandom, slash,a nd the LGBT+ community. And I came away shipping all three dynamics...a nd veering on all three together, but IDK if I’m quite there yet. But whether shippy or platonic, their relaitonship together is perfect and I loved it.

Now, the journey is over. Oh I plan to go back and do it all over again. I plan to pay even more atteniton. I plan on giving each episode as good of an analysis as I can give. I plan to try and seek out things like the novels and the comics so that I can have more itme with them. I plan to watch the reboot films to see what happes in a different universe. I plan to watch TNG and hope that I enjoy those charactrs that I ignored my entire life just as much as I did these. But for now, it’s over. It is a ride that I am thankful to have taken. I came in indifferen, and am leaving a fan looking forward to whatever else awaits. Thank you Star Trek TOS for this amazing two month journey. Thank you tot he cast and crew who put so much into it despite everything working against them. Thank you to the fans who watched it and kept it alive for all of these decades. And to those who read tot his point and all of my watchthrogh posts, thank you for sitcking with me. It was, without doubt, an experience that I’m never going to forget.

[secretshinigami]

A First Time For Everything

Author: @complicatedmerary

For: @misora-massacre

Pairings/Characters: Halle Lidner/Naomi Misora; Naomi Misora, Halle Lidner, and I suppose Raye Penber is there, too, I guess :p

Rating/Warnings: General; brief alcohol mention

Prompt: Halle and Naomi go on a blind date

Author’s notes: Hello, hello! After writing Naomi on the other fic I gave you, I got inspired to continue writing her, especially with this intriguing prompt. I had my eyes set on a regular dinner date, but it was so boring, I had to think outside the box. How about the gentle appeal of a wlw romance of what-ifs and cherished memories? Now that is more like it! You deserve a good time after the stress of the BB fic, so, hopefully you will enjoy this! Also, the friends’ names? Totally intentional. :)

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“What do you think about sunsets, Naomi?”

“Hmm?” Naomi shook off her tiring trance. It had become the standard for Naomi to be absentminded every single time Raye wanted to have a party. In this case, he expressed desire to show off to the whole city that him, Raye Penber, had finally gotten brave enough to propose to his girlfriend, Naomi Misora. It was cute, really, Naomi thought, but a single text and some phone calls would have sufficed. She was not a big fan of crowds; he should know that already. Right?

“I said, what do you think about sunsets?” Raye embraced Naomi from the side and kissed her cheek.

She smiled. “I think they are nice, very romantic. With the right person, that is.” Especially on a nice balcony overlooking the city, as the crowd is engrossed in their own little world. Thin fingers wrap around hers, her thumb gently rubbing on the underside of her hand. Naomi looked intently at their hands and her heart skipped a beat as a rush of fluttering feelings vibrated in her stomach. Was that what they meant when they say you have “butterflies” inside you? She did not seem to mind at all, like she was used to the effect she caused because of her beauty and enthralling disposition. How many girls were they before her? Why did she care? It was not as if she was ever going to see her again. Perhaps she should give her number, make sure she never forgot about her.

“You seem deep in thought.” Her blonde hair was gently blown from the crisp breeze, it was almost too perfect.

“Hmm?” A distraction from her ramblings inside her head, but not quite. Naomi was more transfixed by her amber eyes than anything else. How can a woman be this beautiful?

Raye’s watch beeped loudly, the recreation of her memory evaporating like water. “Whoops, it’s almost time. You would not mind helping me with the drinks, would you? You are such a good mixer; our guests would appreciate it.”

He clearly meant his guests with maybe two of her friends. “Right, no problem.”

At this rate, a drink was not such a bad idea.

God, she needed a drink.

She could not believe she was looking forward to this. Cathy was so vague about this Hal guy, but what was said intrigued her. All she knew was that his name was Hal Bullook, he had blond hair, brown eyes, and he was at least over five feet and ten inches. Also, he was a CIA agent. A total dreamboat, Cathy promised. Hal has heard plenty about you, she also said. She gulped. Cathy had no filter; if she told him some embarrassing facts (like the milk slipping accident from work), then she would be mortified. Then again, maybe it will make her endearing and cute in his eyes, there was nothing wrong with that.

Today was a gathering between members of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Central Intelligence Agency, and other local governmental organizations; it was not for business, this was a regular party to get everyone together for a job well done. Plenty of fun to spread in one evening, it was bound to be unforgettable.

This was the most obnoxious party Naomi has ever been to and Raye had finally beaten his own record.

Maybe she was the one who did not understand how parties worked, but if this was an engagement party, then why was there a group of guys watching sports on her television, in her living room? And where were Cathy and Shoko? Did they miss their invitations, or did they ditch her for something else?

“Raye,” Naomi hissed, snatching him away from the group and setting him aside.

“Naomi, what was that all about? You can’t just barge in when someone is having a conversation.” Raye shook his head in disappointment.

“This is out of control! I thought the whole point of this party was to share the news. I was asked to bring snacks into the living room as if I was servant and not the main co-host. Do you realize how humiliating this is?”

“Oh, Naomi, I’m sorry, no one should treat you like this. Tell me who did it so I can tell them to leave.”

Naomi sighed. Raye could be dense sometimes, but gosh, he was too sweet. Was she making a big deal out of nothing? “Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll get bored soon. By the way, have you heard from either Cathy or Shoko? You did invite them, right?”

“No, I have not heard from them, but they should be coming soon. Cathy is always late, remember?”

That was true, but that did not explain Shoko’s absence. Unless … “If they decided to arrive together, then that would explain everything.”

“Are you sure you are okay, Naomi?” Raye placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry if my friends had other plans, but I promise we will make the announcement together. Just … give it some time until the mood has been set, okay?”

“Fine,” Naomi mumbled. “You did promise.”

“Thank you,” Raye pecked her lips. “Excuse me for one second.”

The doorbell rang and Naomi perked up. In an instant, both Raye and Naomi gathered by the door and let it swing open. The sight made her smile. Speak of the devil; Cathy and Shoko were just late after all.

“Wow, girl, look at you,” Cathy giggled. “You are an absolute knockout.”

And indeed, she was. Naomi was wearing a silky, black dress, her legs accentuated tastefully by the knee length and the six-inch black heels. Her long hair had been waved with a curling iron and her makeup was subtle yet elegant. Caramel lips and a brown smoky eyeshadow, she looked flawless.

“Hopefully, I did not overdo it,” Naomi shrugged.

“Nonsense, you look perfect, if you don’t make heads turn, then they are missing out.”

Naomi gave a small twirl. “I hope Hal likes me.”

“Yeah, Hal …” Cathy fiddled with her bracelet, looking to the side. “Come on, let’s go, we can’t be late.”

“You do realize you are late, right?” Naomi teased Cathy.

“Yeah, yeah, that was bad.” Cathy blushed. “But I have a good excuse this time. Traffic was a nightmare.”

“You say that every time.” Naomi drank from her glass.

“It’s true, though!” She widened her brown eyes to appear more innocent. “I know I have concealed the truth from you before, but I’m not lying right now. I have bad luck, that’s all.”

“Fine,” Naomi could not be bothered to continue this discussion. “I forgive you.”

“And that’s why you are a great friend, you are willing to look past my flaws.” Cathy giggled.

At approximately 4:30, Naomi and Cathy arrived at the gathering, prepared to have the greatest time possible. Naomi was transfixed by the amount of silver decorations the room had all over. It was as if there was plenty of money invested to make it look pretty. And from the corner of her eyes, she saw the type of food that was set on the table. It was a banquet full of delicacies that range from a fancy ham and an elaborated fruit salad.

At least she felt better about her dress code.

“Wow,” Cathy gasped.

“I know,” Naomi replied. However, there were more concerning issues. If she could find Hal, perhaps they could crack a joke about how this gathering’s budget was blown for appearances. Then again, there was the possibility that he could have a terrible sense of humor. She had to thread lightly. Now, where he could be among this sea of professionals? Funnily enough, she did not catch a lot of men that were at least taller than five feet and ten inches, so perhaps Hal was in the bathroom.

She stood there in her spot, darting around for a sign of a tall blond.

Well, she did see a tall blonde woman among the crowd, but that was definitely not Hal. Their eyes aligned and she waved at her, smiling. Naomi waved back. She must be a coworker she had never notice before, it would have looked bad if she ignored her.

However, where was he?

“What are you doing?” Cathy took her arm and dragged her in the middle of the room. “That is your date, come say hi to Halle. Hey, Halle, here she is!”

Halle? What was Cathy talking about? No, she must have been confused, Hal was somewhere around here, this had to be a joke—

Hold on a second.

This was a joke. Blonde hair, brown eyes, she seemed taller than five feet and ten inches, especially with those high heels …

Did she miss something? Did Cathy set her up with a woman all along?

“Who is Shoko’s friend?” Naomi pointed towards a young-looking man standing next to Shoko.

“Oh, that’s her new boyfriend,” Cathy shrugged. “I barely know him, he is new in town.”

“Huh,” That was all Naomi could say. Shoko’s dating habits were … unusual to say the least. That was not a negative thing, she reassured herself, Shoko was an attractive woman. With her sleek, dark brown hair, high cheekbones, and slender figure, she attracted men like honey. If Cathy can call herself unlucky, Shoko was the opposite. It was hypnotizing, really, how Shoko threw her head back with laughter and remain poised. Her boyfriend was cute and all, but he could not hold a candle to Shoko. He almost looked … average next to her.

“Wow, could you stare any harder?”

“Hmm?” Naomi was shaken from her train of thoughts.

Cathy raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms against her chest. “If I did not know any better, you still like girls. Does Shoko know that you have a crush on her?”

“Shh, Cathy, that’s enough,” Naomi set her aside. “No, I don’t have a crush on Shoko. Also, can you keep it down?”

“Wait, Raye does not know about you and Halle, does he?”

“Shh!” She raised a finger over her mouth. “No, and I would like to keep it that way. That part of my life is done for.”

“You literally stared at Shoko like you wanted to kiss her.”

“Cathy, can you drop this?” Naomi backed away. “I’m with Raye and that’s all there is to it—" When she turned around, she bumped into a guest and her glass spilled on her white blouse. The sound attracted lurking heads to witness the disaster, including Shoko’s.

“Naomi!” Raye came to the rescue with a paper towel. “Don’t worry, I can fix this.”

Humiliating tears sprung from her eyes, her shame hot against her cheeks. She waved Raye from her sight and ran towards the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

Forget about the ruined blouse, why couldn’t Cathy mind her own business? Sure, it led to something wonderful once, but that was in the past.

Was it?

“Is she gorgeous or what?” Cathy smirked at Halle. “Naomi was looking forward to this day.”

Naomi wanted to cry from the humiliation. What did she do to deserve this?

“That makes the two of us,” Halle laughed, it sounded so warm and clear. “Thank you for helping me out, Cathy.”

“Could you excuse us for a minute?” Naomi flashed a pained smile as she set Cathy aside away from Halle, into the women’s bathroom.

“You lied to me!” Naomi whispered in anger.

“I’m sorry, okay? I met Halle in a case, and she told me that it was hard getting dates when you are a lesbian and one thing led to another and we started talking about you.”

“What. Did. You. Tell. Her?”

Cathy sighed in defeat. “That you were single and that you were totally a lesbian, too.”

“What?” Naomi was flabbergasted. “When have I ever given the impression that I was into women?”

“I mean,” Cathy waved her hands to Naomi’s sides as if her mere presence was the logical explanation. “You love to wear leather, I have never seen you in a skirt, and you ride the sturdiest motorcycle I have ever seen. Can you blame me?”

“What is wrong with you?” Naomi snapped. “I am appalled that you would do something like this. You made me believe I was meeting a guy named Hal … Oh, my God, Halle, Hal … You mispronounced the name on purpose because you knew deep down that I was never going to be okay with this.”

“I did this because I thought you knew that you were a lesbian all along and I was trying to keep it undercover for your sake!” And now Cathy was crying with tears rolling down her face. “You have to realize that I did not do this with bad intentions, I care about you, you are my best friend, I was trying to help.”

Naomi merely shook her head and sneered. “Don’t ever speak to me ever again.” And with that, she stormed from the bathroom.

“Wait, please!” Cathy collapsed on the marble floor and continued crying on her knees.

Crying was useless and a waste of time, she needed to get over herself. Naomi washed her face and wiped water with a towel, taking a deep breath to take some control back to her senses. She was going to pretend that the issue was the stained blouse and move on.

Fortunately for her, the focus was on that stupid sports game, and she was able to sneak to the bedroom and change her blouse into a regular long-sleeved, black turtleneck. She breathed out a sigh of relief. There, it was as if nothing happened.

She was not going to let this train wreck ruin her chance to have a good time, but she needed some time alone. The balcony was impressive, and it gave her the space necessary to come back to the party when she was ready. She looked ahead to the horizon and thought back to what Cathy said. Could there be some truth to her words? Sure, she did struggle getting dates with men, but surely that had nothing to do with her being into women, right? Her mind dwelled on Halle’s face and she groaned. Poor Halle, she was involved in this mess whether she liked it or not and she did not know to properly apologize to her. “I’m sorry my friend told you I was a lesbian?” Yes, that would go over well.

“If I didn’t know any better, it seems that I was not who you expected.” A familiar voice rang in Naomi’s ears.

She turned around and released a pained sigh. There she was, standing tall, unfazed that there was drama in the first place because of her. She was so put together; Naomi was almost jealous that Halle had better control of her emotions than she had.

Those CIA agents must be operating on a league like no other.

Naomi cleared her throat. “Oh, no, that’s the problem, you were described perfectly.” With an excluding factor, that is.

“Listen, I understand that blind dates can be weird, but I was willing to take a chance because it’s not every day that I get to know someone who is in the same line of work who is also into women.” Halle shrugged. “Does that make sense?”

Oh, how was she going to break it to her that she was probably not a lesbian? And yet, those words never exited from her mouth.

“It does make sense,” Naomi nodded her head, smiling. “I’m sorry about before, you are right, blind dates are weird. It could have been way worse.”

Halle chuckled. “What, like dating a serial killer?”

Naomi burst in laughter. “Oh, God, can you imagine? What are the chances of that happening in real life?”

“Believe it or not, it is way more common than you think. Thankfully, both of us are safe.”

She had to admit, Halle was funny. At least she could check off “sense of humor” off her list.

Huh. Hm.

“Just out of curiosity,” Naomi said breezily. “Did Cathy tell you anything interesting about me?”

“You mean like the ‘Milk Slipping Accident’? Yes, if that is true, you are hilarious.”

It was not surprising Cathy told her that story, she was expecting nothing less.

“It would be better if you heard my version of the story, I was the main instigator, after all.” She beckoned Halle to stand beside her. “Come on, I bet Cathy left off some important details.”

~

Whatever was going on inside did not matter when the woman in front of you also shared interesting stories of her own. One thing that Naomi learned from this fiasco was that perhaps the reason why dating men never worked out for her was because the spark was simply not there. With Halle, however, once the awkwardness went away, it just made sense. A part of her was still struggling with this newfound source of self-discovery, but once she allowed to just let herself be, it was comforting. She already admitted that she never dated another woman before today (which made Halle laugh, oddly enough), perhaps Halle would make this journey easier for her with no judgment.

“Sorry to interrupt you, but I’m just noticing that the sun is about to finally set.” Halle remarked.

“Do you like sunsets?”

“I think they can be romantic with the right person. Other than that, they are just nice.”

“Have you done this before?”

“Watched the sunset with someone else? Not romantically, no, but I always wanted to.”

“Well,” Naomi offered her hand. “There is always a first time for everything.”

~

Fast forwarding to the once evaporated memory from Naomi’s mind, after a tentative silence from both women, Naomi and Halle shared a kiss, the first of many that were set to come after Naomi insisted to at least see each other one more time. Unbeknownst to her, Cathy caught them in that embrace and never spoke one word to Naomi about it to avoid confrontation.

The following week, Halle organized a picnic date near a hill to enjoy the serenity of the lack of crowds. Naomi enjoyed herself on the mat despite the cold weather. She did not mind because she could just ask Halle to give her a jacket.

The less they talked about their eventual separation to get back to their normal, working lives, the better. If there was one thing Naomi learned from this experience is to just allow herself to be at peace with the present.

“Naomi?” Raye knocked on the door, the interruption of her thoughts never stopping her peace.

It seemed that Naomi was staring at the wall all this time. “Yes?”

He opened the door and sheepishly peered from the view. “I think it’s time.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“I kicked out the rowdy people out of here, we shouldn’t encounter any more disasters.”

Naomi chuckled, embracing Raye’s neck. “They should have been kicked out way earlier, but I forgive you.”

“Oh, you forgive me?” Raye mused out loud. “You are right, I should have listened to you all along.”

She gave him a firm kiss. “At least you are learning.”

~

A loud clink could be echoed across the living room, striking attention from every angle.

“Thank you all so much for coming,” Raye began. “I know my parties are bound to be entertaining, and for good reason, but we have an announcement to make, and after this, we can properly celebrate.”

Naomi raised her right hand, allowing the sparkle of the diamond ring to bling bright. “We are engaged!”

Shoko was the first to voice her excitement and soon everyone else follow with cheers and claps.

Raye squeezed her from the side and beamed with pride to finally give up this announcement. Naomi felt celebratory for a moment, but her smile faded slowly as her mind decided to ignore the noise until it turned into a blur. She somehow felt … empty.

~

“Look, Halle, the sun is setting,” Naomi pointed at the sky.

“Crap, we have to go back,” Halle began to stand up from the mat.

“Are you kidding? I have never seen a sunset from a hill, let’s not end the fun just yet.”

“Well, if that’s what you want, I suppose we can stay longer.” Halle went back to the mat and embraced Naomi from behind, allowing her to settle against her.

Even when the sun set into dusk, none of them were willing to leave each other’s arms.

[purplecatghostposts]

Jumbled AU Character Information Time!

What’s the Jumbled AU? Another Roleswap except it’s less swap between two characters and more... Jumbled! Created for fun of course!

I ended up tweaking it all up a bit and I’m pretty happy with it now!

Meet The Crew:

FORZEN-

“No, I’m right there with you. Black Mesa is the worst.”

- Takes Gordon’s role as Team Leader

- Graduated from MIT and was recently hired by Black Mesa. He’s been there less than a year and he’s already regretting it.

- Gets stuck in a HEV Suit and would very much like out of it, thank you very much.

- Originally wanted time be a streamer but his mother talked him into going into Science like everyone else in the family did. Forzen and his family have a rocky relationship and this is one of the reasons why.

- Hates his job and is miserable but he does it anyways because he’s good at it and it makes him money.

- A lot smarter than he looks or acts.

- Very protective over his team and is quite the shot. Prides himself a little on his good aim.

- Carries around a ‘Lucky Bayblade’ wherever he goes. Insists it’s kept him safe as a kid and as long as he has it, he will make it through alright.

- Is a single father as his partner left as soon as the kid was born. Forzen is determined to be a good father because of this. His kid’s full name is Scythe Kronos (Yes, that’s all their first name) but Forzen also calls them Scye for short. Forzen will do anything to make it back to his kid. He doesn’t want them to end up orphaned.

- Loses his right eye in the betrayal. Without his depth perception, his aim is worse than ever and he struggles to protect his team.

- Gets a robotic eye from the Cybernetics Department later that gives him better aim than before.

TOMMY-

“Get- get out of my way or I’ll make you.”

- Takes the place of Benrey as inhuman antagonist.

- Is a Shapeshifting alien who takes the shape of a human to blend in for his mission. Has a lot of power but never got to properly learn how to use it as he was separated from his father when he was young.

- Sunkist is his alien pet who takes the shape of a golden retriever to do the same. She fights alongside him.

- Initially takes on Earthly Interests such as Beyblades, soda, and certain TV shows as a way to blend in but actually starts to like them.

- Takes on a job at Black Mesa as a security guard so that he can search for his dad. Doesn’t actually find him until the Resonance Cascade.

- Tampers with the experiment and causes the Resonance Cascade in order to lower Black Mesa’s defenses so he and his dad can make their escape.

- Makes a deal with the military that if he sells Forzen out, they’ll leave everyone else alone. However, the military double crosses Tommy once they realize that his dad is a valuable experiment to Black Mesa. Tommy is not happy about this.

- Eventually comes to the conclusion that his dad will never be safe as long as Black Mesa is around. Goes to Xen with the others, keeps his cover the entire time, and once they reach Xen’s power source, Tommy takes it for himself and tries to destroy Black Mesa and everyone in it.

- It’s all for family. Step aside or you’ll just get hurt.

GORDON-

“There’s absolutely no way that’s up to code... You guys seeing this?”

- Takes the place of Tommy as Main Support.

- Has worked for Black Mesa for a while now but isn’t entirely fond of it. He’s aware it’s morally gray at best (And that’s sugar coating it) but he can’t quit because he’s bound by contract to stay there for a certain amount of years. At least it pays well, right?

- Lost his arm in a lab accident a few years ago. Luckily, cybernetics fitted him with a robotic prosthetic. The one who made him the arm also outfitted him with a gun-arm he can put on. Gordon didn’t understand why he would need it but after the Resonance Cascade happened, he’s glad he has it.

- One hell of a shot, especially when he’s freaking out a bit (“Gordon going ham!” @ himself).

- Has been a bit obsessed with safety regulations since he lost his arm (But honestly who wouldn’t be?) and is constantly baffled by Black Mesa’s OSHA Violations.

- Has a son back home, Joshua, who he would very much like to make it back to. Forzen and Gordon swap telling stories about their kids sometimes.

- Helps Forzen out after he’s lost his eye and tells him that he can get help from Cybernetics given Gordon knows a guy from the department.

- Is pretty good friends with Tommy and while he does try to stop him from destroying Black Mesa- he hates the place too but there’s a lot of scientists there who are bound by contract just like he is- Tommy spares him from his attacks.

- Seems to be fairly good friends with the mysterious being who keeps popping up, Bubby. Apparently Gordon has helped hide him away more than a few times when he gets stuck so he owes him.

DARNOLD-

“Uh oh... That might be one of my evil clones...”

- Takes the role of Dr. Coomer as the enhanced scientist with clones.

- Has biological enhancements such as built in rocket boots and extendo arms but they were all given to him when Darnold tested his own potions. He mostly uses these to get the group out of trouble.

- In the same situation as Gordon when it comes to being bound by contract. Neither are very thrilled about it but at least Darnold has been in Black Mesa long enough that he can influence change.

- Head of the Mixology Department but took interest in Xen for a while and oversaw the experiment that caused the Resonance Cascade.

- Signed onto the cloning experiment and now has a lot of clones that help around Black Mesa. Darnold is pretty friendly with them and tries to help some escape when the Resonance Cascade. Unfortunately a lot of them die, which gets to Darnold.

- A few clones drank his Evil Powerade and went rogue a while ago. Fortunately, they’re version of ‘Evil’ is essentially a cartoon mad scientist/supervillain. Unfortunately, they’re still a bit of a nuisance and the gang has to look out for tripwire traps and a few of their minions.

- Carries around a lot of potions to help. Has a strength potion that is particularly helpful in a pinch. Also has a special Forbidden Potion that he uses in the final battle.

- One of the few people that treated G-Man like a person rather than an experiment and thus, has his favor.

- Introduces Tommy to Earthly things and customs. Doesn’t piece it together that he’s an alien until later.

- Tried to help in the betrayal but Tommy held him back, saying it was for the best. Runs as soon as he realizes he’s in danger and hides away from the rest of the team. Actively avoids Forzen and Gordon for a while out of stress but eventually has to step in when one of his Evil Clones captures them.

G-MAN-

“Oh believe me, I am just as... Eager to get out of Black Mesa as the rest of you.”

- Takes the role of Bubby as Black Mesa’s favorite experiment

- If Bubby is like Shadow the Hedgehog, then G-Man is like Mewtwo.

- Is an alien that has been alive much longer than Black Mesa itself. A powerful one at that.

- Black Mesa started hunting him down as soon as they learned of his existence. G-Man had just created Tommy not too long ago and was weak when they came. Managed to protect Tommy but was captured as a result and imprisioned in Black Mesa.

- Nicknamed Project Goodman as Black Mesa wished to one day use his powers for their own benefit. The nickname ‘G-Man’ came later and stuck.

- Has a lot of powers relating to the mind (I.E. Levitation, telekinesis, telepathy, etc.) but Black Mesa keeps power dampeners on him so he can’t escape, no matter how much he may try. G-Man and Tommy search for a way to get these off of him, but little do they know that Black Mesa has other ways of ensuring he can’t go rogue...

- Started acting polite and professional a while back and keeps up the facade as it keeps him out of trouble and gets him more freedom. He now works as a scientist to ‘Help’ Black Mesa but is just biding his time until he can make his escape.

- Absolutely despises being in his tube and tends to get aggressive when in small spaces because of this.

- Has very few scientists he actually likes. Darnold is on this short list as he is kind to him.

- Finally reunited with his son after so long and wants nothing more than to escape together.

- They were so close...

BENREY-

“Oh yo, what happened to your eye, dude? Psh, no worries, I got a cybernetic eye for ya that’s gonna look sick as fuck!”

- Takes the role of Darnold as the guy who has a solution to a certain missing body part.

- Is one of the best in the Cybernetics Department and was the one who made Gordon his arm and gun-arm when he lost it in the accident.

- Became weird friends with Gordon after he helped him out. Benrey may or may not send cryptic messages and cat photos at 4AM to Gordon, who is very concerned for his health.

- The Cybernetics Department was originally supposed to be laid off due to budget cuts and the Mixology Department was going to expand and take over the lab but Benrey refused to leave his lab like everyone else and hacked the doors so nobody could get in. They would’ve dealt with it but soon after, the Resonance Cascade happened and Black Mesa has bigger worries than a rogue cybernetics scientist so Benrey just kinda. Stayed. He’s the only remaining member of the Cybernetics Team.

- A good mechanic and a master hacker. He ends up hacking into the security cameras and the VOX to watch the team as they go. He speaks via the VOX- and never tells them who he is- but as soon as they reach his lab, Benrey greets them like old friends.

- While he does like to mess with the team a little, he’s pretty helpful for the most part. He opens up a few locked doors and gives a few heads up every once in a while.

- “ROCKET. LAUNCH. GOOD.” Yeah that was Benrey. Gordon actually hits himself once he realizes it’s Benrey because everything suddenly makes sense.

- Gives Forzen a cybernetic eye that actually gives him better aim than before. Said eye also “May or may not have other sick features.”

- Benrey refuses to elaborate on this.

COOMER-

“OH HO HO HO, BAD MOVE! TIME FOR ME TO GO IN FOR THE KILL!”

- Takes the role of Forzen as minor antagonist.

- Joined the military because of his Ex-Wife’s pressuring to do so. They’re both still in the military but they don’t talk anymore.

- Volunteered to test out a new serum that would genetically enhance him to be an one man army due to his love for Science. He didn’t expect for it to work like it did.

- The serum gave him superhuman abilities such as strength, high leaping power, endurance, regeneration, and other such. However, there was a side effect to the serum as it also gave him a bit of a bloodlust. “I crave violence” is very literal now.

- Very powerful but unfortunately a bit of a loose cannon. They only send him in if they’re getting desperate since he causes a lot of collateral damage.

- Can calm down and have regular conversations but it takes a lot of effort. The serum screwed with his head a lot.

- Is sent to take down the Science Team. 90% of the time, they have to run from him and shake him off their trail other than fight him as he’s a lot stronger than the rest of them.

- Kidnaps Gordon rather than Sunkist at one point and holds him hostage. The Science Team has to work together to take him back.

- Saved Bubby’s life once and now whenever Coomer gets into real danger, Bubby teleports him away. Bubby is one of the few people who can calm Coomer down for long periods of time and Coomer is very fond of Bubby.

BUBBY-

“Who I am is none of your goddamn business.”

- Takes the role of G-Man as a powerful being who keeps showing up.

- Originally was created by Black Mesa and worked for them but in an experiment gone horribly wrong, Bubby abruptly disappeared with no trace.

- The accident gave Bubby dimensional powers over Time and Space but unfortunately, Bubby struggles to figure them out and they’re rather unstable at first.

- Because of their instability, Bubby sometimes randomly will teleport and get stuck in places he doesn’t want to be in. This happens far too frequently in Black Mesa but luckily, Gordon knows him and starts hiding him from Black Mesa whenever he gets stuck.

- This also happened once when Bubby ended up in the middle of an active battlefield and nearly got killed had Coomer not saw him get teleported in and rescued him.

- Bubby has taken a certain fondness for both of them and watches over them from the shadows as his own way of saying ‘Thank You’.

- Black Mesa is vaguely aware that Bubby is still out there but he’s become a bit of a cryptid to them. There’s some security footage of him teleporting in but all security footage gets really staticy and stops working after he appears in it.

- Bubby absolutely despises Black Mesa.

- If he wants something changed, he will change it, by force if necessary.

- Starts watching the team closely after the Resonance Cascade. At first thinks that some of them are aligned with Black Mesa and actively tries to stop them until he figures out that they’ve all fallen victim to it as well and becomes somewhat of an ally.

Anddd that’s the team!

That took a LONG time to type out but hopefully it’s interesting! I’m having a lot of thoughts about this AU currently so if you’re curious at all, send me an ask and I can talk about it more!