#and basically everything that makes me lose my mind

[nativegirltapes]

. . . drew’s new found fame was something you knew would come, he was too good of an actor to not get his big break. you just didn’t realize how much you and your relationship would suffer from it ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

warnings / angel being an insecure bihhh (kind of), drew comforting her, happy ending bc life is sad enough to make a sad ending <3

you stood in the kitchen, stirring the homemade pasta you'd been working on for the past few hours mindlessly staring at the pot, but that's the last place your mind was.

you heard the door open and close, meaning drew was finally home. you fixed your posture and mentally prepped yourself. you felt so guilty, making drew's publicity basically all about you, but you literally couldn't help it.

"hey," drew came up behind you, embracing you in his bigs arms, leaving kisses on your ear. "how's my baby?"

"hi." you continued to stir the pasta, making every attempt to distract yourself from the tears that were threatening to spill. “how was your day?”

"it was fine," drew rubbed your back, he wanted to be close to you, to feel your touch. he hated being away from you, even if it were for just a few hours. "boring day. what did you do?" drew asked, desperate to hear more from you. usually the minute he walked through the door you were talking his ear off.

"not much." you replied.

"can you look at me?" drew's tone was firm, maybe even a hint of hurt. why weren't you talking to him? “what’s wrong?” drew asked the minute he seen that glossy layer in your eyes.

“it’s nothing,” you lied. “really.” you wiped your eyes, embarrassed that you were crying over something that was supposed to be a good thing.

if you didn’t want to talk about it, drew wasn’t going to force you, he wasn’t like that, but boy did he hate seeing you sad. “are you sure?” he hugged you, you buried your face in his chest, which for some reason made you want to cry even more.

“i just love you,” you mumbled in his shirt, you weren’t sure if he could ever hear you. “and i don’t want to lose you.” drew pulled away, looking down at you with furrowed brows and a confused look. “lose me? i’m right here.”

your sad doe eyes looking up at him all puffy and red did something to him; seeing you sad made him sad. “well i don’t know,” you looked down, but drew quickly grabbed you by your chin and made you look up at him again. “what if you find better than me?”

“better than you?” drew chuckled. “i don’t think that’s possible.” he wrapped his arms around you again, giving you a peck on the head. although you knew drew didn’t lie to you, you still couldn’t help but feel like he was just saying that. “i’m serious.” he assured you, like he could see right through you and everything you were thinking. “i only want you.”

unable to form a coherent response; you embraced him in a hug. he never made you feel like you were too much, in fact he loved you because you were ‘too much.’

“how bout this pasta?”

[hovkinnie]

mizuena/ena5 incoherent rant below bc i love them so much im losing my mind

I can't stop thinking about how much of mizuki's conflict in prsk is resolved entirely by ena's actions, not mizuki's own, and that's actually really fucking good. hear me out.

One of the driving emotions for Mizuki's conflict is obviously fear; she's afraid of being left once people know her secret, she's afraid she can only ever have shallow connections with people who wouldn't really accept her as who she is, she's afraid of losing the few friends she has and the one space where she feels like she can express herself through their shared art.

But beyond that, the other driving emotion for her is guilt. She feels guilty that she's been "deceiving" everyone else, she feels guilty that she's left Ena waiting for so long without telling her her secret, she feels guilty that everyone else seems to be moving forward and facing their fears while she seemingly can't. And when her secret is revealed, the strongest emotion she's going through isn't her fear of being left behind, it's the guilt that's been eating her away from the inside.

She tells ena that it can't be the same, that now ena won't be able to treat her the same, that she knows Ena and Kanade and Mafuyu are so kind they'll smile and tell her they're fine with it, but that they'll just be forcing themselves for the sake of kindness. That they'd rather not have to deal with everything that makes Mizuki complicated, but they would anyway because they're kind like that. That she can't bear that. She doesn't deserve that.

And all of this guilt is so real for this young trans girl to feel because it's what we're pushed towards constantly, even when we're supposedly accepted for who we are. The lie that we're deceiving others when we present as our own gender is so deeply written into our collective psyche, and even beyond that, even in "progressive" spaces, the violence we suffer is often treated as our own burden to bear, as something we have to deal with and not burden other people with.

So many basic bitch stories about trans women, with trans women protags written by cis people, have them struggle and "grow" as the story progresses, having to "face their fears", to come out to people they're scared of leaving them, to "trust their loved ones" and take that first step. I think a lot about The Missing, a game that gets a lot of the horror of being a trans girl and yet still has the protagonist, who is so terrified of how her mom would react to her coming out she tries to end her own life, learn the lesson that she should come out anyway, trust this person that's only given her reasons to fear her, because that's the only way for her to move forward.

Mizuki doesn't do that. She doesn't have to. Mizu5 is all about the horror of being outed before you're ready to come out yourself, even to someone you know would show you kindness. And it allows Mizuki to stew in her own guilt, the guilt that she never faced her fears herself, that she's burdening N25 with her suffering. But Ena5 is about Ena, so patient and unwilling to hurt Mizuki, finally being moved to action by kaito and meiko agreeing that it's up to her to be selfish and try to bring Mizuki back, to recognize that Mizuki doesn't want to be alone.

It's up to Ena to do the scary thing, for her to be open and vulnerable about her feelings. For her to go up to Mizuki, despite being ignored for so long, as someone who is so sensitive to being ignored- to being rejected- and to tell Mizuki what she needs- and deserves- to hear. That she's wanted. That Ena doesn't care if Mizuki thinks she deserves it or not, that Mizuki's guilt shouldn't factor in because Ena wants Mizuki beside her.

It's the ultimate transfem fantasy because it's the fantasy of being truly wanted, of being unconditionally loved. It's the fantasy of someone seeing you for who you are, and not just "accepting you" as if it's a favor they're doing you, but going as far as telling you that the way you've been conditioned by a lifetime of violence to feel and act to protect yourself is NOT your fault, it's NOT just your responsibility to deal with, that you deserve someone who will go through the effort of digging you out of that hole and that you're not a burden for needing that.

In a lot of subtle ways, Mizuki's story feels 1000% written by people who understand trans girls so far beyond the scope of the usual explaining-transness-to-cis-people style of narrative, even understanding ways that these narratives fuck up routinely and also understanding exactly what is needed to sneak this into a highly commercial hatsune miku gacha game. There's a lot of compromises made there for the sake of being this kind of story in this kind of game, but what we get in return is so much more meaningful as a transfem narrative than anything of similar popularity that I can think of, it fills me with so much emotion and I truly can't fathom believing it's somehow "bait" or "not real rep" unless you've never had to think about transmisogyny and how it emotionally affects you to this degree.

I'll never stop thinking about them. Congrats on the wedding mizuki and ena. someone like ena is exactly what every trans girl deserves, and never has someone proven herself more deserving of a trans girl's love than ena. i love them both so much my heart feels like it's going to explode whenever i think of them. huge thanks to everyone involved in creating their story

[nknoxe-n]

≪•◦ Words That Hurt ◦•≫

Synopsis: Basically my 'unspoken' fic with no happy ending, you and Rin argue, he goes too far and you... don't come back?

Warnings: [angst] [pre established relationship]

w.c 580

The argument had been ugly—worse than any you had before. Rin’s words had been cutting, cruel even, and you didn’t know how to react. You’d never seen him so cold.

“I don’t need you hovering over me all the time,” Rin snapped, his voice harsh and biting. “I can handle my own shit. I don’t need someone like you watching every step I take trying to coddle me like some emotional invalid"

The words sliced through you. You had tried, tried so damn hard to be there for him, but no matter what you did, it was never enough.

You had tried to argue back, but it was pointless. Nothing you said could break through the walls he’d built around himself.

Finally, feeling your chest tighten with a mixture of anger and hurt, you turned on your heel and stormed out of the apartment, not looking back. You didn’t care where you were going. You just needed to escape.

The world outside was dark and cold, but the chill in the air was nothing compared to the coldness that had settled inside you. You couldn’t bring yourself to go back. Not after everything he had said.

You walked aimlessly through the night, not caring about where you were going, just trying to numb the hurt. You eventually found a small hotel and checked in, knowing you couldn’t face him tonight.

That night, you lay awake, staring at the ceiling, the sting of his words echoing in your mind. He had hurt you. And yet, the deeper hurt was the realization that you couldn’t keep doing this. You couldn’t keep loving someone who kept pushing you away, no matter how hard you tried.

The next morning, as the sun rose and the city began to stir, your phone buzzed incessantly.

Rinnie <3

I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean it.

Please come home.

Each message, each attempt to apologize, made your stomach churn. You wanted to believe him, wanted to believe that he was truly sorry, but you weren’t sure anymore. Was this what you’d always get? Empty apologies after he hurt you?

He didn’t stop. The texts kept coming, one after the other, each more desperate than the last.

Rinnie <3

I can’t believe I said that. Please, I need you.

I don’t want to lose you.

I’m sorry. I was an idiot. Please don’t ignore me.

But you ignored him. You didn’t know how to face him. Didn’t know how to untangle the knot of hurt and confusion inside you. So you just left him on read.

The silence on your end was deafening to him, but you needed it. You needed the space.

Hours passed, and the messages kept coming. He started calling, his name flashing on your screen again and again. But you let the phone ring out. You couldn’t deal with him right now.

You didn’t want to hear his voice.

The day dragged on, and as the night fell once again, your phone lit up with another message from Rin.

Rinnie <3

I don’t know what else to say. Please just answer me.

I love you

Your chest tightened, and for a moment, you thought about picking up the phone. But then you remembered the hurt, the words that had cut deeper than anything else. You remembered how he always seemed to push you away when you tried to get too close.

So, you ignored him.

You weren’t sure what you were doing anymore, but you couldn’t make yourself go back.

[bibinibikkkkk]

Laurent's sin

I also decided to write about Laurent, but I warn you that Laurent drives me crazy, I have A LOT of thoughts about him. Since all the books are Damen's POV, many things about Laurent are up to us to interpret. So I also warn you that everything here is MY thoughts, and I know that sometimes I get lost in them. Laurent is one of my favorite characters, so I love seeing other people's interpretations, even if they differ from mine. There are things here that are more speculation since we don't have much information given by Laurent himself.

Laurent’s sin is wrath. Laurent's wrath is so great that it leaves him blind sometimes. Laurent is not the type of person who waits to truly know someone to have an opinion. He hates people from the go and waits for them to prove that they don't deserve his wrath. Laurent looks for the worst in others. It doesn't matter if someone is a great person, practically a saint, if they do something that isn't 100% honorable, Laurent will hold on to that one thing to classify that person as evil. So yeah, Laurent hates a lot of things and people. But most of all, Laurent hates himself most.

For my college degree, I had to do extensive research on victims of sexual abuse who developed PTSD. So I read and heard many stories from victims and I can say that one of the characteristics that most (if not all) of these victims have is that they feel GUILT. In my work, I basically analyze the defensive reactions that people who experience a violent event can have. For example, during sexual abuse, the victim can enter a state of tonic immobility or dissociation, where even though they really want to defend themselves, their body remains immobile. It is a 100% biological and involuntary reaction. But many victims do not know or do not understand this and so after the abuse happens, they feel like they should have done something, fought back, and defended themselves from the abuse. That is why many blame themselves. But what I mean by this is that Laurent probably feels this way. After he understands what his uncle did to him, Laurent most likely feels guilty. He must blame himself for not fighting his uncle, he thinks he somehow allowed this to happen to him. What would Auguste think if he knew this, that Laurent wasn't able to protect himself? So this guilt develops into self-hatred. Laurent's wrath is much more towards himself than against the world. Laurent hates the naive and vulnerable boy he became after his brother's death. He thinks that's why his uncle abused him: because he let him.

After Laurent realizes all this, he forces himself to change. He doesn't want to be vulnerable and weak anymore. He creates a personality that is the extreme opposite of that. He becomes cold, does everything to become physically stronger, and represses all emotions (except anger). He doesn't repress his anger because anger is, in fact, the only thing that keeps him alive. Anger and the desire to take revenge. Laurent also hates this character he had to create to protect himself. Because if he needs mechanisms to protect himself, it's because he's still vulnerable. I swear, Laurent's mind must be a living hell with so many contradictory thoughts. He knows he has become a bad person, he doesn't like it, but he is very afraid of being different.

He wants to take revenge on his uncle, but not just kill him, he wants to take revenge on his uncle by proving that he can be better than him, more intelligent. Laurent not only wants to beat his uncle, he wants to see his uncle lose, again and again. It may seem like the same thing, but it's not. Laurent tries hard to see through his uncle's schemes and plans meticulously to make all these schemes work in his favor, which he knows irritates his uncle more than anything. I would even say that for the last few years, Laurent has been in a limbo where he feels "comfortable" with these "games" between him and his uncle. Everything changes when he realizes that his uncle really wants him dead, because until then Laurent didn't think that, or didn't let himself think about it, which is more likely. Here is the irony of how Laurent is more like Damen than he lets on. Laurent knew that his uncle didn't love him, but he still didn't want to believe that his uncle would kill him in the end.

Meeting Nicaise and Aimeric is the closest Laurent comes to thinking that maybe the guilt he feels over his abuse isn’t justified. Because he sees himself in both boys and he can, from an outside perspective, understand that neither Nicaise nor Aimeric are to blame for the abuse they suffered. But he represses these emotions, especially with Aimeric. When Laurent freaks out at Aimeric, he’s freaking out at himself. It's the first time Laurent is capable of causing harm to himself, looking at the living mirror that is Aimeric. The craziest thing to me is how Nicaise and Aimeric's deaths, without Damen showing up at the end, are the only alternatives for what would happen to Laurent too. Murder or suicide (sacrifice).

Besides obviously wanting revenge on his uncle, Laurent wants revenge on Damianos, the man who killed his brother and then started his years of abuse. This anger and hope of one day getting revenge on Damen is also what keeps him going. Even more than the anger towards the Regent. Because, at the end of Kings Rising, when Laurent is free of the anger he feels towards Damen, after he accepts that Damen is not to blame for his years of abuse (he admits that his uncle would do the same regardless), I believe that Laurent finally admits something he always knew: he would never win against his uncle. Not alone. And, even now in a "relationship" with Damen, Laurent still feels alone. Now without the anger towards Damianos and with the conviction that he will not win, all that is left is self-hatred. And that is what drives him to sacrifice himself. He's all alone, not even his wrath is there anymore. And the love he feels for Damen still isn't enough to quell this self-hatred.

This makes me think that Damen, in a very twisted way, saved Laurent from himself from the beginning. I even thought that if Laurent didn't care about Damianos, maybe he would have killed himself right after he realized the abuse and that he had no chance of defeating his uncle. But no, Laurent is too complex for that, he only sacrifices himself because it would give Damen an advantage to win in the end. Despite all the horror that Laurent suffered and his wrath, he is probably the least selfish character, he would never kill himself to end his suffering, knowing that others are also suffering and that he can do something to help.

In my humble opinion, I think Laurent could be MUCH WORSE. I see a lot of people condemning Laurent as if he were the worst villain, but honestly, I would be much worse, especially against the man who killed my brother. Laurent still gave Damen many chances. Laurent made Damen suffer LITTLE (and it pains me a lot to say that, because I would hate to see Damen suffer more). I believe that the entire time Laurent was torturing Damen, he wanted the opportunity to kill Damen in a more honorable way, perhaps this is what stopped Laurent from killing him when he still had the chance. But this is just an assumption. Sometimes I think even Laurent didn't know what he was doing and what he wanted to do. We need to remember that Laurent is still a 20-year-old who has been isolated from the world for too long. Laurent may be very smart, but he doesn't have the necessary life experience. There's a lot that Laurent doesn't know, but he's very good at pretending he does (even Damen falls for it (and us)). Laurent ultimately regrets what he did, because, again, that was him hiding (protecting himself) behind his villainous mask. He also ends up forgiving Damen once he understands the circumstances under which Auguste died. Something he probably already knew, but didn't want to admit, once again, because that would put an end to the thing that kept him alive.

Laurent finally agreeing to leave Arles to go on border patrol was the biggest turning point in his life. He meets the people of his kingdom, innocent people who have no idea what is happening at court. People who respect and love him. Those who remember him from the past, remember the real Laurent. The freedom he felt from no longer needing to contain his strength. All this and more was important for Laurent to be able to see beyond what his uncle allowed him to see and do. He starts to trust more people, the ones who trust him back. And then that's when Damen starts to see the "changes" and fall in love with Laurent.

This is probably super confusing, but that's how Laurent makes me feel hahahahhaha. What we read throughout the trilogy is still the very beginning of the romance between Damen and Laurent. Damen showing up at the trial was probably a big part of making Laurent realize that Damen's feelings are not frivolous, it's not just a passing attraction for him. Laurent is no longer alone. I go crazy wondering if maybe all Laurent needed was someone stubborn enough for him to start being himself, without having to hide behind masks. Maybe a friend, someone who would look long enough to realize who Laurent really is, like Damen did little by little. Laurent has been alone for so long, with his secrets and his pain. He probably isolated himself like that too for fear of loving someone like he loved Auguste and becoming even more vulnerable (that's kinda what happens with Nicaise). He's certainly done a lot of things he regrets because of his wrath, especially against Damen, so I think Damen will need to work a little harder to prove to Laurent how much he loves him. Just like Laurent will certainly do the same.

[lovelettersforthedamned]

Leave Me Behind

✰ college!art donaldson x f!reader

✰ word count: 1.0k

✰ summary: after a sudden and untimely breakup and weeks of wondering, you come face to face with art to ask him the hard questions.

✰ warnings: language, a breakup (duh), tears, angst, confusion, mentions of long distance, a smooch.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

gif by @andiamofratello

You weren’t supposed to be here. That was for certain. 

The courts were hot; you could feel the warmth of the clay seep through the soles of your shoes. It was almost like the floor was telling you to leave too. You should’ve listened. 

It wasn’t like you’ve never been to the courts, fuck, you spent almost every afternoon here for about a year. There were some instances where you would bring your homework, trying and failing to multitask while Art would practice. 

What you did miss was watching Art show off his natural born skill. He’s always been fast, but studying his movements and how he approached them was something else. 

Your name pulls you from your thoughts as you see Art approach you; a water bottle in his hand, and a towel in his other. Taking a good look at you, his eyebrows furrow, “What are you doing here?” 

You try not to let your nervousness get the best of you as you clear your throat to speak. “I realized that I still have some stuff at your place,” you’re avoiding eye contact as best as you can, and he can tell, “and I was wondering if you could drop it off soon? I know you’re busy right now, so whenever you’re free is good.” 

Art nods along to your words, almost like he is racking his mind trying to think of what you could’ve possibly missed when you initially packed up all your things after the breakup. “Yeah, yeah totally. I’m almost done here, if you want to come with me after? If you can’t, no worries. I’ll figure out a way to get that–,” you cut him off quickly.

“No yeah, I’m not doing anything right now,” nerves are still flooding your body. 

“Great,” he smiles, breaking your heart, “just wait here and I’ll get my things.” You nod as he does a quick jog back to the team. He bids them a quick farewell, packs his things, and is next to you again. Art fixes his hat before looking back at you, “Ready?”

Nodding again, you begin the quick walk towards his dorm room. 

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, this breakup has hit you harder than you thought. Of course, losing someone you love hurts pretty bad, but it was realizing how much of Art was missing in your day. 

You’ve dreamt of a moment with him for weeks, but it feels so painful. You were hoping to talk about what happened, but yet, you’ve suddenly forgotten all the words you rehearsed for hours. The only thing you could think of was very abrupt, “Why did you break up with me?” 

You hear Art clear his throat next to you, but you don’t dare to look up at him. It was clear that he didn’t expect your question, especially not in the middle of campus. But regardless, his brain is searching for the perfect response. “Everything was moving so fast,” Art quickly realized that there wasn’t one, “and I didn’t want to drag you through it all.” 

Staying silent, you let his response sink in. After a few excruciating quiet minutes, you finally speak, “You’re joking right?” A huff of a laugh fills the air. 

“Why would I joke about that?”

You thought you could feel steam coming out of your ears, “Because that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, and I’m not sorry for saying that.”

Pushing through the main doors of his dorm building, he’s basically chasing after you. You know exactly which door to stop at, and when you do, you’re seething. Unlocking the door, Art quickly closes it behind him before turning to you. Dropping his bag, he turns back around to face you, “But I’m being serious, love! I didn’t like the idea of making you do long distance while I’m out across the world training,” he argues, his hands waving in the air in frustration. 

The belongings that you needed to collect were completely forgotten as your hands crossed over your chest, “Hey, Art? Did you ever think to ask me first before completely breaking up with me? Or did you just assume that I wouldn’t want to be with you because you’re out pursuing something you’ve been dreaming about since you were a kid?”

Art’s mouth opens and closes as his shoulders raise, “I don’t know!” 

He’s getting frustrated, you can even see his eyes start to water. A wave of guilt rushes over your body. “Art,” you slowly walk over to him and place a hand on his arm, rubbing up and down, “I’m sorry for raising my voice.”

Grabbing your forearm, he pulls you in for the tightest hug you’ve ever received. His arms are circled around your waist while his nose is buried in your neck. You wanted to hate it, but how could you? 

“I’m so sorry, baby,” you hear his muffled apology. 

That was all it took for tears to fall down your face, pulling in the blond impossibly tighter. A few beats pass before you pull away, his arms still keeping you against his body. You hold the sides of his face as you drink in his features again. “I need you to talk to me,” you sigh, “especially when it’s about big things like this.” 

He nods in your grasp, his body becoming mush the longer the feeling of your touch melts into his skin. His brows furrow as a quiet sob leaves his lips, “I will. I’m so sorry.” 

Quickly wiping his tears away, you lean in for a kiss.

The weight off of his shoulders has lifted as your lips move in sync with his. Weeks of pain and hurt are released, along with the feeling of relief that you’ve been so desperately craving. Your hands were strong, keeping him in your grasp as if you were afraid that he was going to leave. That this was a dream. 

But when you opened your eyes again, you were grateful to see your beautiful, stupid, boyfriend staring back at you. You giggle, “Does this mean you take me back?”

Biting his lip, he smiles, “I shouldn’t have let you go in the first place.”

✰ author's note: hi guys!! long time no seeeee!!! for not writing for two months, i am actually kind of loving this one. back in my challengers era i fear. don't forget to like, comment, and reblog if you enjoyed!!! i'll see you next time, byeee.

[peachhcs]

i feel like she’s got to realize at the end of the day she got two national titles with the school and three great seasons that’s so much she got there that she should take the offer because it’s her future and if she turns it down she may never get another offer

the side plot has begun 🤗 and my cliff hangers have returned

au masterlist

“wow..this is amazing, sweetie. we’re so proud of you,” ellen rushed out after reading the lengthy letter from the head coach. jim reread it more closely after looking at it from over his wife’s shoulder. samy embraced her mom, the excitement not as prominent on her features.

“this is so big for you. wow, i have no words,” the older woman laughed as she looked at the letter again, but she finally caught her daughter’s somewhat solemn expression.

“you don’t seem as excited?” ellen pointed out.

“no, no, i am. i am. i just..i guess i’m still processing it all. they’ve been looking at me since my freshmen year and they want me right away..” the girl trailed off a bit. she couldn’t believe a program like theirs had eyes on her since she was 18 and now they wanted her. of all people they wanted her on their team right away.

but at what cost? if samy signed on, she’d lose her last year at mich. what about all the friends she’s made? hannah? the two had plans for a house already next year. her teammates? she couldn’t just abandon those girls she’s spent so much time with? they needed her for her last year.

“are you thinking about not taking the offer?” jim approached the subject and samy flushed, burying her face into her hands.

“i don’t know. my mind’s been all over the place,” the younger girl admitted. she thought driving home to talk to her parents would help lead her in the right direction, but samy still felt incredibly lost.

“what would make you not wanna take it?” ellen wondered, her hand rubbing her daughter’s shoulder.

“everything i’ve built at mich. my senior year of college? hannah? the team? my last collegiate season with the program i basically helped build? there’s a lot,” samy rambled off and her parents exchanged a glance.

“and what would you lose if you didn’t take this offer?”

“maybe my only chance to go pro at a sport i love and have devoted my life to since i was like 12,” the brunette laughed a bit sadly.

“honey, we want you to make the best choice for yourself. this is such an amazing accomplishment right here. there’s people who see your talent and the skill you possess. remember when we were having a similar conversation about if you wanted to stick to hockey or take on soccer full time? back then, there wasn’t a pro league for women’s hockey yet and you knew soccer would bring you a lot more opportunity in the future. this is one of those moments, babe. a full offer right in front of you,” ellen said gently and samy sighed. she eyed the invitation again and everything in her mind was pulling her in two different directions.

“have you told your brothers yet? will?” jim asked and the girl shook her head.

“i haven’t told anyone except you guys.”

“maybe you should call them. they might have some insightful advice or a different perspective we aren’t saying,” her dad offered and samy knew he had a point.

her brothers always had something good to say, but she also knew they would tell her to take the opportunity. she knew will would tell her to because then they’d be closer if she moved out to california.

“yeah, i probably should,” samy nodded and her parents squeezed her shoulders.

“we’re gonna be proud of you no matter what you decide, okay? don’t think you’ll disappoint us if you decide to stay or go,” ellen whispered before sending her upstairs to have some space.

the brunette wandered back into her room, collapsing on her bed to just breathe for a second. she found her phone and trailed to the sibling group chat—a wash of deja vu hitting her back when she was calling her brothers to help her decide what college to go to. it was all so familiar being home in her childhood bedroom with no one but her parents downstairs.

luke joined the call first and then jack’s face appeared a second later in the same frame, “what’s up pop?” jack grinned.

“hi moose, hi rowdy,” samy smiled seeing them. luke readjusted his phone so she could see both of them on the couch together.

quinn connected a second later in his own apartment. he waved, “what’s up crew?”

“hey q-tip,” jack snickered at the nickname making quinn roll his eyes.

“i thought we talked about not calling me that,” the older boy said.

“we did, but i’m still calling you it,” the middle hughes snickered.

“i miss you guys. i wish you were here,” samy smiled sadly.

“uh oh, whenever baby hughes gets sappy, it means something’s wrong. what’s wrong?” jack immediately said and the girl flushed at how well he knew her.

“nothing bad..i just..” she trailed off and eyed the letter now on her desk, “i got an offer to play pro out in california,” she finally got out.

the three boys’ eyes widened in disbelief.

“no fucking way. holy shit, samy! that’s awesome!” luke quickly exclaimed.

“what team?” quinn asked.

“bay fc. apparently head coach montoya has been watching me since my freshman year and he wants me on,” the girl explained briefly which only heightened her brother’s excitement.

“holy shit, pop. that’s amazing. i always knew you had it in you,” jack grinned.

“but he wants me on right away which means i forfeit my last year at mich to move out to san francisco,” samy explained the downside.

“ah, the catch. there’s always a catch,” luke tsked.

“i mean that’s basically what moose and i did. we played at mich for two years before going pro. it sucks it has to be your last year but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity,” quinn rambled a bit and the girl nodded. she bit at her lip and luke quickly caught onto her expression.

“are you considering not taking it?” he voiced his thought out loud.

“you have to, sam. bay fc is a wicked good team. they’re like top eight right now. if the head coach has been watching you since freshmen year that has to mean something,” jack quickly cut in.

“i know, i know, i guess it’s just a lot to process right now. i mean how do i leave a program i helped build and bring two national titles home to? hannah? my teammates? my last year at mich in general. that’s not something i can just easily walk away from. it may be easy for you to say, jack because you never went to college,” the last part was a harsh dig and samy knew that.

“okay, okay, you’re right, pop. walking away from a team like that isn’t easy,” quinn stepped in before an argument escalated.

“sorry, i didn’t mean it like that,” she quickly backtracked. her emotions were definitely getting the better of her right now.

“i get it, it’s not easy. you know everyone would want you to take it though, right? that team, your coach, hannah, they’d all want you to take that in a heartbeat after everything you’ve done for the school and the program,” jack came a little softer.

“does will know?” quinn wondered and the brunette shook her head.

“i haven’t mentioned anything. i drove home after getting the letter to tell mom and dad. you guys are the only people besides them who know right now.”

“well, he’s gonna be ecstatic that you’ll be so close by,” luke grinned and the girl flushed.

“but don’t make a decision just because you’ll be close to your boyfriend,” quinn said and the girl rolled her eyes a bit.

“and when have i ever done that?” she said, but the older boy shrugged.

“just reminding you.”

“what do you think i should do?” samy asked her brothers honestly.

“you know we can’t answer that for you, pop. it’s your choice. your life. your dream,” jack said and the girl nodded.

“but if you were me, what would you do?”

“i’d remember the really great three years i’ve had with my teammates and friends and let that carry me into the next chapter in my life. the legacy you’ve left there isn’t gonna be one anyone forgets, samy,” luke hummed.

the younger girl sighed knowing she had a lot to think about in the next three weeks. it should’ve been such an easy decision for her, but the idea of leaving behind everything she’s ever known in a place that’s built her family wasn’t as easy thinking about.

[lygma-nygma]

Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

just learned that people are like legitimately pissed that mackenyu buffed up for season 2 ???

[eggmeralda]

do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option

[skrunksthatwunk]

post-forced-extension of that assignment i was losing my mind about tuesday/wednesday i experienced a very familiar "ah.... it's as if the deadline no longer exists....." feeling that has now been replaced with "wait i still can't find the resources i need. and i don't know how to organize this. and i don't know what im presenting on (<- super broad topic and i can't fucking find the information i actually need bc our university doesn't?? give us jstor subscriptions or whatever anymore??? so it's all scholarly stuff i can't read or ppl's blogs which im not fucking using for this and half of them just copy entire paragraphs from encyclopedia britannica. who is saving my ass but whatever)" mixed with "I'll figure it out later 🙂‍↕️" IM PRESENTING IT IN 11 HOURS 💀💀💀

[dream-sans-mogai]

This will probably get looks from performative and ultimately harmful non-transfems despite my being transfem but-

Some y'alls only interaction with feminist history and theories, radical feminism regardless of its intersectionality and really any feminism deeper and louder and meaner than blatant choice feminism like the barbie movie and whatever TF taylor swift thinks shes got going on is through your occasional and short interactions with terfs and it shows. You call vagina art terfy and it fucking isnt. Its feminist art. Your brainrot is making you a fucking mra. The fact y'all think talking about the man vs bear situation is about/started/ran by terfs (and encouraged some really questionable other transfems shitting on it despite it clearly just being about women's safety and yes all men, not transphobia.), everything from questioning wether certain groups belong in our community to thinking a word is a slur or having a lesbian icon (I have sources don't test me) or not to not liking a certain band has been called "terf rhetoric". I'm all for us Transmascs talking about how terfs affect us cause they absolutely do and their harm to the transmasc community can not be understated but like.... Y'all are not allowed to call Jack shit terf rhetoric anymore. Like nothing. You don't know what it means, you litterally call transmedicalism and sysmedicalism terf rhetoric. Do you mean exclusionist? Say exclusionist. Terfs are not the end all be all hate group. They have a very specific complex mindset that affects so many people in specific ways. Someone hating Neopronouns is not fucking terf rhetoric. It's nbphobia. Holy fuck. Learn what words mean.

(intersectional trans radfems exist, radical feminism isn't terfs and swerfs and historical radfems would laugh in their faces for their idiocy)

[ozcarma]

Trying to watch 999 let’s plays is such hell to me - NO ONE PLAYS THE GAME RIGHT just shutupshutupshutupshutup and play the game!! Stop trying to make jokes!!!!

I’m too autistic for this, I cannot bear hearing let’s players doing their own voice acting when I adore the game’s VAs too much. Everyone always fucks up Santa’s and Lotus’s voices especially.

I understand the draw of Let’s Plays are largely the people playing them who have gained their own following, but as someone who just loves the game I don’t wanna hear ur stupid banter 💥💥💥 play the game and be intrigued but not TOO intrigued because give it a fuckin minute it’ll explain what’s going on 🙄‼️

[exopelagic]

this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

[megansplants]

.

[starlightkun]

nobody warned me that a side effect of adderall was having the irrational urge to throw away every single thing you own and completely reset ur life bc it's just too much. and also being a little bit really fucking angry all the time. but only a little. but also if somebody looks at me wrong i'm going to snap. and also i need to get all of this shit out of my house i cannot deal with it i can't even clean it i just need to throw everything out it's too much it's too much ahhhhhhhhh