#and also objectively really hot
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sincerely have never experienced attraction to an actual literal teacher bc I always thought it was weird, but my math teacher is genuinely so attractive??? like itās not even a sexual or romantic thing Iām just in awe of how striking a person can be??? ngl sir got that drip like coming in to every class with a button up tucked in except half the front and the sleeves rolled to his elbows?? and the watch and the top three buttons popped?? after our very first class someone said āsheesh sir got styleā and a few months after that my friend (a guy) burst and said ādamn sir got cakeā like š he DO got cake but are we allowed to say that??? is that okay??? but I been thinking the whole time too that he got š° and it turns out everyone else was too ššš itās not just his looks but the way he holds himself tall and with his chin up and how confidently he speaks when heās teaching??? absolutely in awe of how powerful human beings can be both in presence and in mind
#donāt reblog#no but his presence is insane#not to mention heās a damn good teacher#and also objectively really hot#cannot get over the sleeves rolled to the elbows tho. absolute killer move#personal#it feels like a crime to post this and Iām feeling extremely guilty#but#those forearms#slutty slutty slutty
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Yearly redraw number 9!!!!!
[Image ID: A digital painting of a girl resting on a ledge. She strikes a casual pose, popping a bubblegum bubble and scratching the back of her head. She's dressed in a 2010s-skater-grunge sort of style with a pair of high waisted jorts, denim vans, mismatched slouchy socks, a black tank top, and a ratty, splatter-painted overshirt that says "PUKE" in bold block letters. In the foreground beside her, a skateboard with the same splatter-paint design, and mismatched wheels matching her socks, is propped against the wall. It's covered in stickers, including some cats, a lesbian flag, and a bumper sticker that says "defund the M****rfuckers" with asterisks. The background is a placid suburban scene in watercolor style, with trees casting dappled shadows over the foreground. The sun is low in the sky, as though it were both early morning and late afternoon at the same time. Her large yellow headphones and pink gum bubble create a visual link between her and the wheels of her skateboard, as though the skateboard were a part of her. END ID]
#yearly redraw#dairydraws#character design#character art#skater girl#skater aesthetic#i really tried this year to make her look like part of an environment#every year i do this and it does kinda just feel like she's propped against a flat backdrop#this one i really wanted levels of depth to the scene#i also used a perspective guide this year! yippeeeeee!!!!!#i had to redo her pose a few times#i was trying to thread the line between kind of like a staged hot girl pinup photo and like#a candid incidental look into a quiet moment where she happened to be sitting like that#i realized that breaking the unwavering eye contact she's had with the viewer for the past 8 years helped with capturing that second vibe#i fucked up with the shadows a bit because there's definitely kind of an illusion that she's floating above the wall instead of sitting on#but i really like how i placed everything in the frame this year. maybe not the house but like all of the main focal objects feel nice#last year i told myself i wanted to go more abstract with it next time and then this year i was like. nah#im sick of cartoons. time to give a shit about anatomy#and then i still kinda gave her a broken neck anyways. ahh whatever#i also gave her a sunburn!!!! to make it seem like she's been outside all summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#paintings
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Chandler's ex from Friends that goes OH MY GOD and is really annoying and everyone hates her (I think her name is Janice?), is the exact same character as Fran Fine from The Nanny but written by someone who hates her. And the reason Friends writers hate her whilmst The Nanny writers identify with her is the same reason why The Nanny is way better and Friends is way more popular
#original broth#im being objectively right btw#the nanny#fran drescher is also crazy hot btw thats not really relevant but i wanted to point that ourt
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Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.
It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)
#also I don't mean we're similar in any way when it comes to rape or SA. Please don't twist it that way at all.#I mean like in terms of the jealously resentment revenge hurting others to feel thrilled not taking responsibility not seeing flaws etc#I'm diagnosed with NPD also but pls know my experience will be different from others. We're all different people obvs.#also Jimmy has like wayyyyyyyyyy more things wrong with him not just untreated NPD lol#I would say that untreated NPD is a hell most can't describe#you barely feel anything except rage boredom and jealousy (in my case)#love is a form of ownership and control because you can't really feel it the right way#so your -person- is an object of intense obsession and also a tool for you#if that makes sense? I see that with Jimmy and Curly for sure#You want to tear others down and hurt them because it makes you feel good to put them below you#there's a constant feeling of insecurity and it drives you crazy fr#kind gestures from friends feel insulting#and oh my god achievements made by friends and family in my case feel like I've been shot like I hate when they achieve things#It's not logical obvs but that's something I instantly noticed in Jimmy so i was like .....oh brother lol#and also if they achieve something my brain needs it to somehow be tied to me or I'll make it tied to me so they can be thankful#they should always center their attention on me and if they don't I immediately resent them#these are just some of my thought processes on the matter so I can show the similarities I feel with Jimmy#the KEY DIFFERENCE is all of these thoughts I have are left in my head and not exhibited in my actions (any more. took a long time)#but he is such a nasty human with ZERO introspection that he prob never even thought about treatment#also doesn't help that the hot blonde he's friends with never did anything to help with that#idk sorry for oversharing but ahhh this game is so well written I gotta yap about it lol#also kind of a funny unrelated story to show how weird the achievement thing can be lol#my friends announced they saved up enough to go to Vietnam (their dream trip) and I was happy for them (I really was)#but of course my delusional ass immediately also took it as a threat#and I booked a month long trip to Europe a few days after so I could also announce it LMAO#that is a kind of innocent incident when compared to Jimmy but it just shows how annoying NPD can be#Jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#NPD
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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The most heartbreaking thing is seeing how Deanās written to be a really fucking messy parentified child (because ofc no child can be a proper parent to another child) who tries and wants to do Sam good and yet fails and yet still loves and cares for Sam so deeply, and then finding out that the fandom wants him to be the same boring eldest child as a perfect parent troupe weāve seen a hundred times
#youā¦. donāt want him to traumatise sam? youā¦. donāt want him to be really fucking awful at it at times?#you just want to pretend that heās absolutely perfect at being a parent?#you donāt want his idolisation of john to lead to him adopting some of johnās worst traits?#damnā¦ā¦ get better soon#āchild should never have been put in parent role. yes they did so well in that role and were a better parent than anyone elseā UGH#coming out as a hater of the parentified eldest child who is a perfect parent troupe#saying this āas an oldest child of four who did essentially act like a third parent#i love when eldest siblings are messy and imperfect and dislikabe#supernatural#sam winchester#dean winchester#this is not dean critical he is so fucking hot to me when heās objectively awful and nobody is sugarcoating it#half asleep idk if this post is coherent#might delete later idk#this also doesnāt mean he was justā¦. always awful ofc idk why people think people exist in extremes
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casey also talks about sepang 2015 what do you think of that
oh in that podcast? uh... lemme listen again...
yeah idk it's not really anything new I'd say? he's said basically all the same stuff in more interesting and extensive ways elsewhere. I think casey inevitably has a very 'well feuding is bad and helps nobody' point of view, has expressed that before in the past, does it here again, and he's also drawn a parallel between himself and marc on several occasions. which... well, of course there's similarities in terms of public discourse or whatever, but the parallel really falls apart whenever casey argues the feuds cost valentino. like, I do think it's sometimes important to just. keep in mind. it's interesting that casey draws this comparison in his mind but that doesn't necessarily means he's right about this. I'm not sure how you'd argue that starting a feud with casey cost valentino anything competitively? you can argue it didn't help him I guess, and then we can have a debate about the ins and outs of the 2008 season. we can also have an argument that in a hypothetical world where casey isn't ill in 2009, valentino doesn't break his leg and casey isn't on a piece of junk in 2010, and valentino isn't on a piece of junk in 2011-12, then actually maybe valentino sparking open animosity with casey COULD have cost him. but we don't know that! didn't happen! I wish we could have found out, but we never got the chance! as it stands, the tally on this is pretty straightforward: casey won the title when things were reasonably civil between them in 2007, and valentino took control of the following season at the exact moment he worsened the relationship between the pair of them in 2008. obviously, it's all more complicated than that and casey would of course argue laguna didn't negatively affect his subsequent performances... but it certainly didn't help them. like, at the very worst valentino escalating tensions in 2008 is a complete net neutral. after 2009, them being bitchy to each other every other tuesday was completely competitively irrelevant beyond maybe affecting how they approached occasionally fighting for a podium position. hey, maybe casey used that feud to fire himself up through sheer spite throughout the later stages of his career, but that doesn't actually support his anti-feud stance - it's basically the exact same thing as what valentino does. they're both quite similar in that regard! always so hungry to prove a point, to show how someone else is wrong. kinda half the point with this feuding business is to get yourself going, get yourself motivated, yeah. he straight up openly admits to using yamaha's repeat rejection of him as a way of giving himself motivation, and at the end of the day that's really not all that different?
anyway, what else does casey say... oh yeah, that him and the other aliens were already kinda prepared for this and had learned vale's tricks. that valentino had only been able to get into the minds of the previous generation. welllllll *wiggles hand* sure, I mean, he did clearly have to change his approach... he couldn't just use the exact same playbook to get to them, either on-track or off-track. but that's why he did change up the playbook... again, whether you want to believe valentino won his final two titles 'in the head' rather than just through pure pace kinda depends on how you assess the evidence, but it is at the very least a debate. and, y'know, it's always worth remembering that valentino's most important mind games with casey didn't happen in a press conference... it was on the track. and the on-track stuff really is just embedded in how valentino approaches winning. speaking of aliens, this is what dani and jorge have said:
like, valentino's entire approach to his riding, even to the way he's setting his bike up, is deliberately about directly fucking with you... he's not actually always trying to be faster than you as much as he's trying to give himself the tools to make your life miserable, to pressure you into mistakes, etc etc... and again, especially with casey (if anything because he was so mentally sturdy), the off-track stuff was really just window dressing. (I know they bicker a lot after 2009 but it's just so fundamentally irrelevant to actual on-track competition.) so you can be aware of those tricks, but it also doesn't necessarily help you when someone's being nasty to you on-track in a way you just fully do not enjoy. which is what it was like for casey! for casey, a lot of this comes back to the truly unpleasant context of how he was perceived by the public, how he was treated as mentally weak or 'broken' or whatever partly because he had the misfortune of coming up against a bloke who had the reputation for breaking rivals. I think it's quite natural to end up with a bit of a hardliner 'actually I've never been mentally affected by a result in my life' stance - and of course casey is a lot tougher than a lot of people give him credit for. that being said. sometimes your rivals affect you, shit happens, it's part of the game. it's fundamentally a nice idea to think that valentino's tactics weren't just morally wrong but also ineffective, which is kind of the appeal of this narrative, right? you want to believe you're above that, you want to believe you were adequately prepared and wise to valentino's tactic. it's unsurprising and understandable that casey does tend to tell the story that way, but again it's *wiggles hand* also hard to describe it as completely factual
uh. what else. oh I'm thrilled casey does canonically know valentino and marc were friends, he has said he wasn't following motogp too much during that time period so you couldn't be sure of that. does this mean anything? does it tell you anything? well, no, but it's just a pleasing thought to me. I like that. oh also 'provoking particularly aggressive riders isn't a good idea' is kinda a funny take from casey? like, he of all people would hate the idea of being cowed by someone's reputation like that... casey's right that provoking fast riders can potentially be dangerous, but y'know I do think that's probably not news to anyone almost nine years later. um. that's all I've got I think
#i will say idm getting asks like this AT ALL but i do hope that's not like. the only bit of the podcast people are paying attention to#my thing with sepang 2015 takes is that like... when's the last time anyone has said anything genuinely interesting about that event#which yes big words from the feud blogger... but in fairness a lot of the sepang 2015 stuff is from old notes. that's my excuse idc#but that's kinda the thing... i feel like i haven't really had a new original thought about the whole drama for three plus years#u do kinda run out. basically the takes say more about the person saying them than about the actual event at this point#which. yeah. casey's comments on sepang '15 are primarily interesting in what they tell you about how he feels towards valentino#mind u he's actually quite nice about valentino in this one? casey call him let's finally organise that dinner#heretic tag#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#oh casey does go on another spiel against riders who win at all costs. ships that passed in the night of feuds i always say#also he gets the age he enters the premier class at wrong. i held myself back in the last post from pointing this out for tonal reasons#but if people want my podcast hot takes. i do simply have to mention it. just to set the record straight here#'they battle for podium places after 2009' genuinely. twice. like the alien era giveth but a lot of the time it really does just taketh#somewhat ironically casey wins the duel when he's on the shitty ducati and vale wins the duel when he's on the even shittier ducati#whatever that tells you idk#casey was always promising the laguna rematch would've gone differently and I love that conceptually but also we just don't know#he was like next time I WON'T play nice and it's like?? omg what does that look like. casey what were you cooking#for ethical reasons it's probably fine but for character arc reasons it's objectively ass that casey ended up being able to do all his -#- racing in a way he was entirely comfortable with for his second title in 2011. like it's just a complete waste of a year#you have this whole thing building for four years and then 2010 comes along and it's like. well that's enough narrative intrigue now! <3#also casey/jorge are fundamentally too interesting as individuals to have had such an obscenely boring on-track rivalry and yet here we are#it KILLS me because if you rearranged it and made valentino's dogshit ducati years like. 2009 or something#and do a straight title fight between jorge and casey THEN I genuinely think it would've been way more interesting#the problem with valentino is that he is fundamentally the WORST imaginable character you could invent to be casey's foil#literally everything about valentino could have been designed to be a casey-specific nightmare#but unfortunately that also makes him objectively the most interesting rival casey could have gotten#like morally it's on the edge. but narratively? literally could not have gotten a better villain in casey's story#constantly dancing on this faustian line of having to imitate valentino to beat him while trying not to lose yourself... juicy
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I find it hilarious how we literally had a but naked Jon Hamm for a good five minutes in GO S2 but even that can't overpower this motherfucker
#why so hot#also objectively this should be the least attractive#basically every crowley look served#but i have a soft spot for bildad#the power she holds#I mean jon hamm is a beautiful specimen of a human#but he had no chance really#bildaddy#good omens#crowley#gabriel#jim#jon hamm#david tennant
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I need everyone to know that when i did a āhear me out cakeā (a cake where everyone in a group has pictures of people they think are unconventionally attractive or that are most people would think is weird to find hot but that you think are hot) with two of my friends two of us put pictures of Che on there and one of my friends had a picture of anime marx and engles
#I will share pics if yāall want#wren talks too much#I strongly considered putting stalin on there#also I donāt really think Che is a hear me out heās just hot objectively
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Proud to say I have gotten to the point where I am comfortable in my masculinity enough to wear skin tight clothing and not want to kill myself
#cw suicide mention#but#yeah#pos thing#recently got a couple skin tight tanks that really show off everything#but theyāre also insanely comfortable#and combined with a binder and/or a looser tank theyāre actually very gender#also objectively speaking my body is hot af right now#it just does not fit my face lmao
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https://www.tumblr.com/lucysgraybird/762635241625157632/its-so-lame-and-unbelievably-pass%C3%A9-that-its?source=share
What was this about? Or should I not ask š
always always welcome to ask! there are ppl on here who like to speculate at length about the personal lives of people they will never know in any real capacity
#and guys listen. i think hes hot. obviously#but theres a line between discussing tne personal life of someone like rz who is very public with it vs discussing the one of someone who i#either intentionally or unintentionally private#and theres also a line between funny haha admiring a celeb/thinking theyre attractive and being openly cruel or degrading towards people in#their lives because they interrupt some sort of parasocial fantasy you cling to for entertainment#thats my two cents. none of us are perfect about it but i think it's never chic to take time out of your day to be mean#especially if the object of your vitriol is not a public figure really at all#anyways if you want to be mean about this you can! ill turn off anon and you can say it to my face š
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i think it's really significant that Weiss's words we're the last we heard before Ruby - after nine volumes of repression - finally snapped.
#but i dont think people are ready to talk about that LOL#like oh. she was the one that has criticized ruby since the beginning#she has snapped and sneered at her for years and ruby has brushed it off as friendship and banter at best#or actively flinched or deflated at worst#when ruby thanked her for coffee she couldnt even hold onto her kindness then#threatened to burn her with the hot beverage as a 'joke'#and then ruby is hurting#ruby their leader who has always been excellent at fighting grimm; falters in the face of the jabberwalker#and when jaune picks up crescent rose to hand it to her and she flinches and lets it drop#they all pause and start to realize just how not okay she is. but then its interrupted. jaune is now more distressed.#we have to take care of jaune. ruby will be fine. shes always fine. lets take care of jaune. right ruby?#she asks#and thats all it takes#i just!!!#it was a culmination of so many things but the timing and order snd structure matter!!#the person that contributed so much to Ruby's own self doubts didnt mean to hurt her so much but she did!!#i wish we could talk about it objectively without people immediately jumping to ship war connotations#acknowledging where and how characters have failed each other is so so important#and ice queen you really dropped the ball#im not tagging thie cause people cant be normal. might delete later also.
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I know there are as many religious good guys as there are religious bad guys in IDW, but I think I pinned down the reason why it feels like the most prominent religious figures are all bad guys and it's pretty much due to the worldbuilding.
Maybe my memory of the comics is just really bad, but the religious worldbuilding in IDW is....kind of trash honestly. I'm not sure there's a single religion or religious custom that doesn't exist solely to further the plot along. Like, it's one thing for the Camiens to worship the Primes and that causes a lot of stuff in exRID/OP, but what does that worship actually look like? What are their holidays, customs, religious texts? What about "spectralism" which basically the only thing we know about is the Festival of the Lost Light and some hippie color coding and aura shit? Like sure, there are characters who are religious and their beliefs come into play sometimes, but it honestly feels (especially in MTMTE) more like their religiousness only exists when it's relevant to the plot and it's just kinda. Disappointing eh. Lacking in worldbuilding. Plus the more religious a character is the more it's written as their entire personality and the driving force making them evil so it just kinda made me cringe to read honestly.
#squiggposting#i think there might be more 'religious moments' than i remember since it's been a hot minute since i read#but i remember during my first read/while liveblogging it was something that disappointed me#i know it's probably unfair or whatever but it still makes me cringe so hard#that the reason tyrest suddenly became a religious zealot was because he got shot with a brain altering bullet#and his religious fervor is almost literally just a product of him being brain damaged and delusional#like oooooooooooooooooooooooof it's so fucking cringe lol#i'm not sure if i'm making sense honestly. it's not so much the NUMBER of evil vs non evil religious characters#but it's more like. the more prominently religion is part of a character's personality or motivation#the odds of them just being an evil guy shoots up to almost 100%#also then there's dr/ft who's a fucking clown and 'spectralism' is just some half baked hippie shit i can't take seriously#guess my problem isn't with IDW so much as it is with JRO lol#anyways not an objective analysis i might be wrong on some counts that was just my feelings as i read#and also i just don't like it when the worldbuilding around culture only exists when it comes to plot related stuff#it really makes the world feel less lived in/realistic when it's established that there are multiple religions#but then as far as actual customs- beliefs- texts- philosophies- etc there's hardly anything#so the good guys may be religious but there's not much about what their beliefs actually entail and how they impact their daily life#and on the other hand the bad guys are screaming about how they're god's chosen all over the place
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nawt somebody saying that jin guangyao didn't actually wrong nie huaisang or nie mingjue in a way that they should get sympathy for and thus nie huaisang didn't deserve to kill him š
#GIRL WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT#they were like did his other atrocities really make it so he deserved to die uwu#we can go into the semantics of whether or not anybody Deserves to die all we want but like#lets not forget that jgy did many like genuinely horrible things#they were also like why did wwx go after killing him when jgy never really wronged him#uuuh are we forgetting that he played a huge hand in the torture of the wen remnants#in the campaign for the remaining ones death#in taking advantage of wn and killing wq#in orchestrating wwxs demise at nevernight and egging the public on to hate him and turn him into a scapegoat#that wwx was Bound to mxy to kill jgy#like. what are you Talking abt#maybe you don't think jgy deserved to die and thats your hot take and thats fine#but saying wei killed a bunch of wen soldiers in cruel and unusual ways as revenge for the massacre of lotus pier wuxian#would have any to object to jgys death#maybe he had matured past revenge post res#but he DID have reason to be against jgy#even before finding out he had a part in nevernight#like. the jins persecuted the wen remnants and wwx would have known that included jgy#anyway.#also I agree w part of the conversation being does Anybody deserve to die and what does that mean and who gets to make that choice#I think thats a good point and a good conversation in relation to the themes of the text#but to say that jgy did not inflict harm on certain characters#in a way where their desire to seek revenge does not make sense or illicit sympathy#is foolish#ghost posts#text#jgy#nhs#nmj
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sorry im not gonna comment on the post but. like. u guys know you can like uplift certain features without making sweeping moral judgements on people with different ones. right. especially ones that might be because of medical conditions.
#post waslike. 'having any visible abs is such a turnoff and thus objectively bad you are making contact less comfortable 4 every1 & u Suck.#put some fat on yourbones etc etc' like. ok. i get it im not trying to act like im somehow a huge victim. but come on#you can say having fat is hot. you can say being fat is hot. u know what. i Agree with those statements.#but you can also. idk. realize that some ppl do have like digestive issues thatmake it really fuckin hard to gain weight.#and to not be in immense pain on a daily basis. u think i don't Want to put on some extra weight. dude. bffr#im not trying to sound like an asshole here. like yes i know i don't have the Worst Problems Ever but. it's not that hard to idk not turn-#-someone's body into a moral judgement or personal choice. i thought we Weren't doing that. cmon now.#i regularly do gardening and yardwork outside.and i have IBS & trouble putting on weight to my own dismay. it's not that deep.#im not upset. just critical of the way that stance was presented. kinda rubbed me the wrong way.#.woof.
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last night sucked. today was not great. i just don't know why i can't get past this. i thought i was doing better, except i must not be because i fully cried in the kohls dressing room and i haven't done that since i was like 12. i just want to LIKE my body. i don't even need to love it. i just want to look and the mirror and think "yeah that's me :)" i just want to be content. i am so tired of looking in the mirror every day and forcing myself to just take a deep breath, sigh it out, and move on. i am tired of avoiding looking at myself in the shower. i'm tired of only feeling comfortable in clothes that hide the entire shape of my torso. i don't need to be smoking hot. i don't need 6 pack abs and the fucking gills on my ribs. i don't need to be skinny. i just want to be comfortable. and i'm not. i haven't been since i hit puberty. and i'm fucking sick of it.
#mom and my sister were nice about my crying. but they did think i was upset because of my weight tho#which. yeah i'm bigger than i used to be#but i do also think i've lost some weight this year? cause i vividly remember being 217 at the beginning of the year#and now i'm back to like 205. so that's nice#but like my weight doesn't stop me from feeling like i look good#i think fat people can be very attractive. i have clothes i know i look good in#that's not my problem#but i can't explain any of that#and i just kept putting on blousy shirts and jackets that only have one button cause#'that's how women's jackets are cut' and 'women aren't supposed to button their jacket' and 'they are cut like that to show off your waist'#etc etc#and the pants were all cut to be swooshy wide leg or curvy flare#and all dressing room are required to have the worst fucking lighting on the planet#so i just. couldn't Not Be Aware of the shape of my body and it SUCKS#cause like objectively i looked good and fine and if i saw someone who looked like that on the street i'd think they were hot!!!!#but it's WRONG and there's nothing i can do to change it#and it's really getting to me lately
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