#and also my adderall medication
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would it theoretically be possible to commission you to do more Tai Sui comics? I love them so much (rushing to ask since you said you're looking for other things to read)
probably not!! I'm not currently doing commissions. I'm not done drawing for Tai Sui yet though!!
#“lyf why don't you do commissions” putting a price tag on my stuff gives me intense anxiety#and i have issues with underpricing my stuff and making it so that i'm not even working for minimum wage LOL#pip speaks#if there's something in my ask box i think is funny i might draw it but whether or not i take requests is between me and god#and also my adderall medication#anyways. just like how i'm still making svsss stuff even though i finished it a year ago. i'll still be making ts stuff when insp hits me#i have a collection of himbo text posts dedicated to xu rucheng. there are too many of them. he's so stupid. i love him.#right now liu yao is winning the poll so we'll see what happens next
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Anyway sorry for the negativity, despite putting in my refill like a week before I ran out my pharmacy just like, didn't order my pain medication and I've been out long enough now that Everything Hurts So Bad and they won't have it in until tomorrow, which understandably has put me in a very bad mood.
#personal#I need a new pharmacy like when it was just the adderall I was upset but I understood and they never made me wait too long#but now I'm waiting weeks for my regular medications that they've never had troublr getting before and it's making my life hell#also it's not an opioid painkiller it's nortriptyline which is a psyche med so they don't even have the “controlled substance” excuse
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there's nothing like putting your ocs that already exist into different pieces of media. Come on boy you're cosplaying today, go hang out with my favorite established characters
#this post is also secretly about fhr#i have 4 sidesteps now. 1 of them is the oc i actually made for fallen hero. 3 of them are ocs i already had#and i looked at them just sitting around in my brain and i was like. Yeah you should try being a supervillain#(psst secret. tomorrow morning i'm gonna post all of em. get ready)#well that's the goal anyway. i gotta finish drawing one more reference sheet#but i keep thinking 'wouldn't it be fun to drawn really complicated tattoo design?'#AND IT IS ONLY FUN IMMEDIATELY AFTER TAKING ADDERALL.#any other mkment of the day it is torture and i hate myself#but like those first couple of hours after being medicated??? ohohoo i looove me a repetitive task
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#yet again i fail to convince my counselor i have executive function problems. mostly its bc i dont think well in the moment but also i just#feel kinda weird rn so i was having trouble making my thoughts connect. but i swear to christ i do have problems making my executives#function. i think the issue is im a grad student so i do well in school. not that it matters bc i kno loads of grad students with pretty#god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student#so like. its possible to have executive function issues as a grad student. the problem with me is the obsessive thoughts and self#destructive behavior so to her it sounds like im telling myself that i cant get my brain to work unless i put myself under extreme pressure#rather than i cant get my brain to work so to cope im putting myself under extreme pressure bc if i dont nothing gets done#but like fucking if i try to relax i dont do things. i cant clean my kitchen or my room or take out the trash or do my laundry#and im not like not doing it bc i dont wanna. these things r causing me active distress but i cant flip the switch that makes them happen#ive gotta write a grant proposal. read a paper. and find a paper to discuss by tomorrow morning. i had time to do all of this before but i#didnt do it. y didnt i do it? fucking i dont kno. ugh. whatever. i got refered to a psychiatrist so well see what happens there#i did accidentally set the meeting to when i meet with my advisor tho. oops. also my counselor said it sounds like im a rat running on a#wheel. which is accurate but also a really fucking funny thing to have said abt u. ur r a scrawny neglected lil rat. boohoo.#idk what type of medication she thinks i should b on. like what symptom r we trying to exhaust? the 0cd or the mood issues?#i dont even kno what the issue is. not that i guess it matters. idk. i need to read and write. fucking hell#unrelated
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ADHD stimulants include: Adderall, Vyvanse, Ritalin, Concerta, and Jornay PM
ADHD non-stimulants include: Strattera, Qelbree, and Intuniv
"other meds" include: non-ADHD stimulants that are meant to treat other conditions, depressants, antidepressants, and any self-medicated drugs like meth, cocaine, and alcohol
other clarification:
please note that "affects me more" just means that the side effects are more intense when medicated than when not medicated. this could mean that you become more energetic/stressed/frantic than you usually get when drinking caffeine, but it could also mean that you get more tired/fatigued/lathargic than you usually get when drinking caffeine.
in the same vein, "affects me less" just means that the side effects are less intense when medicated than when not medicated. so if you become super stressed after drinking caffeine when off your meds, consuming caffeine while on your meds might make you get just a little anxious (and likewise with fatigue).
#self diagnosis and self medication are absolutely valid and welcome here#ADHD#actuallyadhd#actually adhd#poll#polls#other clarification was put under a readmore for the sake of not putting an overwhelming amount of text in the main body of the post#celeste talks#I realized today that my reaction to caffeine might be significantly different on days when I take adderall vs days when I don't#usually it makes me incredibly stressed and frantic regardless of sleep. actual workload. exercise. etc#and it usually only takes a few sips of caffeinated black tea (has less than half the amount of caffeine in a cup of coffee) to go from hal#asleep to wide awake#and it only takes a couple minutes to take effect#whereas today I drank a whole cup of caffeinated black tea and it took a good 30 minutes for anything to happen#which could be a coincidence. but also it's a large enough difference that it's suspicious#on top of me not having experimented with this much at all yet#so I'm really curious if anyone else with adhd who's also medicated has any similar experiences#neurodivergent#audhd#nd#caffeine#coffee
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within the measure of a day | june
#a while back i started using yt music more often bc im listening to a bunch of unreleased stuff recently#and every couple of weeks now they send me notif letting me know lana is my top artist and her album is my most listened#girl I KNOW!! TRUST ME I KNOW!!!#anyway i dont really have anything interesting to say though if youve made it this far i need help#someone pls chime in if you have experience with adderall or ritalin. my brain fog has been worse than usual and my dr prescribed it 4 me#but im scared bc my appetite is already v shit and i already cant fucking sleep#also i have a super duper addictive personality. i dont want to be reliant on a stimulant#also if another poor soul with multiple sclerosis has been prescribed stimulants for brain fog pls let me know your experience#/ photography series part im not sure anymore#cw medication mention
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speaking of adhd meds i'm very excited/nervous because my doctor and i are going to talk about switching to a non-stimulant adhd med (so i don't have to cry on the phone to my pharmacist every single month 🥲)
#i've been considering this for a few months and i think now is the best time bc i'm going to be unemployed#apparently it takes a bit to build up in your system. and now it's like who cares i have no job anyways!!!#nonstims don't work as well for most people but this focalin has been doing shit for me even when i've taken two at a time so 🤷🏼♀️#wellbutrin is also an antidepressant which uh. i definitely need currently 🥲#i tried to get adderall this month so i could be medicated for this job search but it's hopeless lmao. nobody has it. not even my baby dose#and i'm just like. i cannot deal with this right now lmao. if this works even slightly better than focalin i will be happy#m.txt
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I got yelled at by my (to be former) psychiatrist today. one of the things she got upset about was my depression and anxiety getting better. why? bc I improved while off medication.
the American mental "healthcare" system is a fucking joke and I'm not laughing.
#i sincerely hate medical so-called professionals#she also got mad bc i kept FORGETTING to start my meds and i have ADHD#like oh the disorder that causes memory issues and poor habit-forming ??#its making it to where you cant remember your meds exist and ots hard for you to remember to start taking them???? wow you fuck#i also had life things get in the way like being stuck in LA for 2 weeks#and other health issues that i informed her of#she told me -- maybe youre better off in therapy -- and -- dont waste my time#she also said -- anyone can give you adderall -- okay bet imma find someone who isnt upset IM BETTER regardless of if they helped me or not#legit she took it personally and was OFFENDED like maybe choose andifferent profession bc WOW
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Called my doctor's office again. APPARENTLY they take 2-3 days to send any prescription requests??? I told that clown receptionist that I'm completely out of meds, and she said that it would be completed by this afternoon or tmrw morning. GIRL??? WHAT PART OF "I'M COMPLETELY OUT" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND???
Also, their stupid office is closed on Fridays, so by the time I realized I needed a new script sent, I couldn't have called them anyway.
I like my psych OK but the incompetence of her office is seriously making me reconsider seeing her. Like, it's a monthly struggle to get my goddamn meds.
#personal#I'm self medicating on coffee today#ALSO fucking Adderall is in short supply and they're gonna wait 3 days to send my script? When time is of the essence??#Also i think of the angry dome ask the time. i fucking need one
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I may end up doing some ~experimental~ writing to tell Eryn's full story
#shh dont tell my main im not asleep#anyways what i mean is ill write it out as a summary with snippets of dialogue#basically the same writing style ive besn using for the liveblogs but longer#with the authors voice also being rather informal#if nothing else itd be a fun challenge bc i typically write in a strict past tense limited 3rd person style#i often find present tense very distracting when im reading so i avoid using it#itll still be in 3rd person though but perhaps not limited to eryns own perspective we'll see#also i have absolutely 0 timeframe on when ill get started#a) bc christmas is in a week#b) anyone with adhd or has loved ones with adhd already knows but theres a HUGE shortage of adhd medication right now#im to understand adderall has been the hardest hit but i believe ritalin was hit very hard as well#that is all to say i am having a TIME right now trying to like. focus and do stuff.#and i WANT to write this i really do but fjskkgigjjd dopamine machine broke
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im just gonna tmi-medication share in the tags real quick
#tales from diana#i want to preface this with i've been prescribed adderall as-needed for adhd for a fullllll decade now#don't come at me with anti-adderall or anti-adhd-medication bullshit im not here for it!!#but my health problems have been so bad and ive been getting the worst sleep of my life lately no matter WHAT i do#i can do everything right#and btw i do not take adderall every day. which is implied by as-needed but i want to stress again I DONT NEED IT EVERY DAY#only when i do like. work. which ive been doing less and less bc of health problems!#but even though i havent been able to physically work so much i still have been taking half-doses a couple times a week just to like. read.#just to have a brain to do ANYTHING when everything is so awful and my brain is so foggy#ive always *sometimes* cut my doses in half if im not doing so much. just to save it y'know.#and ive always also *occasionally* gotten worse or even a really bad night's sleep after taking adderall#most commonly i'll wake up absurdly early the next morning and not be able to fall back asleep#rationing sleep is always something ive been in the habit of doing anyway as a person w adhd.#sleeping 4-6 hours during the week and 10-12 hours on weekends. just to make up for the deprivation y'know.#but even lately cutting my regular dose in half. it's still too much.#my current dose btw is already half of what it was in high school! i decreased my dose already years ago#but yesterday i finally got the nerve to take. a damn quarter of my own pill#and i took the smaller quarter of the half i cut in half.#i was def taking less than 5mg of my damn medication#and i actually didnt sleep like complete shit! and i was also worried#it might not be so effective.#but it actually worked quite well. i had enough focus to read for several hours#i had energy throughout the day too#i sometimes try to do caffeine on days i cant/dont wanna take adderall but caffeine just does not do the addy things so effectively. iykyk.#i cant believe i have to be so skimpy w my own life-sustaining mental health medications just bc my physical health is so bad#but whatever. whatever!#im gonna take another quarter-dose today and finish pericles prince of tyre. have a great day everyone
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its funny that doctors who deny care to people they think are drug seeking also never seem to offer any resources for dealing with addiction. its almost like they don't actually care about addicts at all and just want them to suffer for what they perceive to be a moral failing
#also this goes without saying but addicts deserve care regardless#its just funny (and by funny i mean horrific) that they cant even pretend to care about addicts enough to offer resources#or even medications to help ease symptoms#seeing how doctors reacted to me trying to recieve help for my adderall withdrawals really cemented what i already knew#and that was a prescribed medication i just couldnt get transferred across state lines#(i am luckily not going thru withdrawals at the moment and on a stimulant with less severe withdrawls if that ever happens again)#(but good fucking god i hate doctors so much its unreal)#book of the undead
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i am very thankful to have adderall again but i have existed the "no meds hell" and entered into the "meds side effects hell". cant say im a fan.
#anime life#im so hungry all the time but ive lost all interest in food#and i keep having mood swings#got really really upset over something earlier today and i KNOW i was being unreasonable!!! i know i was being a huge bitch!!!!!#and i tried not to make it other peoples problem but it SUCKS and i wanna CRY#also i have a headache#from my stupid very necessary medication#ughhhh last time i was taking adderall it took like a week or two for the side effects to subside so i know this isnt forever#but i dont feel. Good.#its definitely better than no meds#because i can do my job better. even a little bit#and not being able to do my job was making me absolutely miserable#but!!!!! well i dont feel GREAT at the moment
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ough I've been wanting to work on fics again but my body is being particularly shitty this year since I had covid and I just don't have the energy
#personal shit#on the plus side the lower adderall dose doesn't seem to have given my psychosis so far#buuuuut they also stopped making the bc I was on to manage my pcos and endometriosis...#and anything else I've been trying has been making me horrendously sick in every conceivable way#i am... ludicrously sensitive to medication man. its unreal actually how even a slight change can fuck me up.#maybe they'll finally just yeet my uterus into the trash where it belongs and solve the problem permanently#though the prospect of surgery does not thrill me honestly. I have already had my insides finagled with before#and i would prefer to avoid doing it again. but if its the only solution then... so be it.#cant really leave this shit unchecked thats kind of a huge cancer liability if i do that and I do not want cancer.#why is my body like this#can it stop trying to game end me for 5 minutes?
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at the point of really needing to get off my adderall and maybe get on ritalin instead bc on the lowest possible adderall doses i still can't sleep for shit it's 2 in the morning and i took my med at 8 am. but i'm uninsured rn and also moving states. hell
#i think there is a chance i'm experiencing mild medical neglect also because i can tell you for damn sure nobody has ever told me i need#to take occasional breaks from adderall and it's been like 7 years#at least i am not still having untreated thyroid problems w similar enough cognitive effects to adhd that i'm overmedicated to the max and#also drinking daily redbull. two 20 mg rapid release adderalls daily + a redbull was a genuinely insane way to live and i'm so glad i'm#better but jesus christ i'm still not living optimally!#alaska insurance thru the medicare or medicaid will not likely be processed until we fucking. have been living in portland a month#jam posts#drugs m/ i suppose#i just want to be able to sleep during the night and be engaged with my life during the day that's all.
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yayyy my new meds work ❤️
#i'm on adzenys which is basically adderall but in these weird dissolve in your mouth tablets#they taste like citrus fruit which i don't love. also don't love the sensation of mushy half-dissolved tablets in my mouth#but so far they seem to be working about the same soooo i will cope#anyway follow wickedhawtwexler.tumblr.com for more oversharing about medical issues xoxo <3#(i literally just have no one else to complain about the medication shortage to except my 80 yr old grandmother who doesn't totally Get It)#m.txt
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