#and also i do not want to apply for jobs i am so fucking burnt out on applying for jobs but i need money lol

[shadyhouse]

have any of you guys ever worked with a temp agency and do you recommend it

[fulgurbugs]

hey man you feeling ok? not to inadvertently project on you, disregard me completely if this doesn’t apply, but the post you just posted is exactly the kind of thing I said to myself when I was stuck in a depressive episode and didn’t realize it yet. are you alright?

it’s all ups and downs right now mostly. i graduated recently so ive been kind of. stuck at home and not enjoying having to live with my parents again (nothing unsafe but basically im annoyed all the time now)

job hunting makes me genuinely upset and ruins my whole day and i only recently managed to land a job with full time hours, but it’s housekeeping so it’s super tiring and draining and i’m still getting used to the change in routine, and i’m also you know. hoping to eventually find a job in my field that my degree is useful for

because of all that other shit and just general lack of motivation i have barely been drawing and when i try to draw for myself i have been kind of hating my results recently, and im just kind of hoping with some time ill get over it and start wanting to draw literally anything again because its making me a little (a lot) upset how burnt out i am

basically it’s a combination of not having the financial ability to live by myself combined with the fucking. hard shit of just doing like physical labor 40 hours a week for minimum looming over me for the foreseeable future that’s kind of fucking me up sometimes. but also like. i’m not doing so so terrible like worst place ive ever been bad (i think)

like i do at least now finally have a full time job (my old job was giving me like 17 hours max a week) which means i can start saving, and like. hehe twirls hair my wonderful partner is ofc there for me so im not like. completely emotionally isolated and i also have like. a hopeful and pretty clear picture of where i want to be in the future (moved the fuck out with them) which is keeping me from doomspiraling into feeling like i’ll be living with my parents forever lol

i dunno i feel like. a lot of my anxiety is partially also kind of state of the world stuff (fuck this stupid baka rent market) so there’s really. not much i can do immediately and personally about it except try and do my best rn lol

[excelsior9173]

job hunting is the most exhausting, demoralizing, and dehumanizing process i think i’ve ever experienced

i constantly feel useless, like i have no applicable skills and it’s honestly terrifying. but it’s also irritating because how am i supposed to gain any of these skills if no one will hire me and let me learn? all i want is to learn. but nowhere seems willing to even give the chance to develop. it’s all mandatory experience required and if you don’t have it fuck off don’t even bother

i am also incredibly frustrated by employers who don’t reach out even if it’s a rejection. at the very least it feels like a decent thing to do, just a quick “sorry, we didn’t select you for the position, good luck in your search!” would be sufficient. if they’re feeling real nice they could explain why they don’t think you’re a good fit. at least that would help me figure out what exactly i seem to be missing

i am just. so tired of sending applications. i am tired of looking at job postings. i am tired of thinking i’ve found a decent opportunity only to see experience requirements and being immediately rejected by a fucking ai system

anyways. sent one in to be a parks labourer, and also a receptionist at a car dealership. really hoping something pans out. i’ve applied for well over a dozen positions now and i know that that’s really not a lot in the long run but i’m so burnt out at my current job i desperately need a change and i’m getting impatient. plus i need a bigger paycheck so i can support my sister and i better. i don’t want her to stress about finances while she starts university. i need to make more to take care of us.

[thatdisasterauthor]

Sigh.

Don't really want advice, I just need to vent a little. Gonna stick it under a readmore too, because it got a little long.

I'm burning out so bad at work. I love the idea of this business, it's super fun in theory, as is what I do there. But the way the business is run is a nightmare, and the job does not pay anywhere near what it should. And I thought that was going to get better this January, because the owner finally admitted that we need a full marketing department and asked me if I wanted to run it if I were to be given an appropriate raise, and I told him yes. Then we had our January meeting where we were supposed to discuss everything and he said he's actually decided to interview outside candidates and only consider me as one of them.

Which is fucking bullshit. I built this marketing department from the ground up. They didn't even have fucking business cards when I started. Every initiative I've done has gone massively well for being nothing but hit-the-bricks marketing with zero budget.

I get that, legally, they are required to post the job within the company, but they aren't legally required to post it outside the company as far as I can tell. (Nor have they ever done that before anyways...)

And before this was revealed to me, I sat in on an interview and all the owner talked about during the interview is how much he loves people coming into the business and finding their own way and building new skills. He went on and on about the two main people who have done that, and how much he values them. Neither of them had to reinterview against outside candidates to run the departments they now run. Just me.

I know why it's happening too, which makes it even more annoying. The owner has ZERO idea what I do. None. I do not report to him. Every time I'm in a meeting with him and start trying to explain stuff I get some version of "oh, I just don't understand all of that." I think there might also be a touch of not liking me because I stand up to him. There was a big issue with Twitter over the holiday marketing season because I explained how, despite being our best platform, Twitter was too unstable to be as useful as normal due to the Musk takeover and the owner went OFF about it, about how I shouldn't be "bringing politics into it." Nevermind that ANY corporate takeover is going to be destabilizing for a time and the man has never used Twitter in his life so how the hell would he know what's going on. (Also, not even 5 minutes later he told me he didn't want us using TikTok "because of the Chinese." What was that about not getting political, sir?)

It's really clear that I'm just never gonna get the respect and support I need at this job, despite how great my direct boss is. I'm also really fucking tired of working somewhere with an HR lady that can't do her job and refuses to give us direct deposit because it's "too hard" and doesn't put our accumulated sick time on our checks like she's supposed to because she can't figure out how to make the system do it, so we just have to email her if we want to know.

And I've been applying to jobs! I've had interviews! Some of them have seemingly gone well, it's just that none of them have gone all the way to hiring me.

Even if I get a new job it isn't going to fix the fact that I'm burnt out, because I can't afford to take time off between the jobs to actually rest. I've got, like, $100 in savings right now and nothing in checking until my paycheck shows up this week. (And because we don't have direct deposit, the check could show up anytime between Wednesday and Saturday, unless HR had some random shit come up and didn't get the checks out on time, which has happened before.)

And I should (should) have two weeks paid vacation now that I've hit my third year at this job, but I don't want to just use it all up in fucking January in case I am stuck here for the rest of the year, but I could really use those two weeks right now.

Then, in the background of all of this, is my art and writing stuff. Especially The Pits/its Kickstarter in a couple months. If that Kickstarter goes as well as I'm hoping I probably COULD afford to take some time off. But I won't know about that until the end of March when it finishes. And also, I really don't want to be putting all my baggage from my day job on this one project. That's not good for me OR the project.

I'm fucking tired. I was so close to finally getting ahead of all this before inflation hit last year. So fucking close. And then it all went away. I just want a job that pays me what I'm worth and respects what I can do. That shouldn't be so fucking hard.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Fasting and inflammation

3 weeks into me fasting using the 16-8 method, I developed the worst skin flareup I have had in a while. This was back in mid January. For months since then I've been dealing with horrible inflammation, not knowing what the ultimate root cause was.

Besides my severe eczema, I've also been feeling fatigued and burnt out. I cannot go for long walks anymore, I lose energy when walking my dog, I have no energy at work and have forgotten about some assignments I had to do because I was so out of it. Again this started when I began strict fasting.

I love fasting and do not want to stop, but I've been so strict with it. I've been fasting 16-8 for 7 months straight thinking I was doing a great job with taking care of myself. But I fucked up my hormone balance which caused my fatigue and severe skin inflammation.

Extended fasting for women can mess up our hormones, and I know it played a role in my elevated cortisol and fasting blood glucose as well as my estrogen dominance and insulin resistance. I know my cortisol is high and I'm so fatigued as a result.

I set 2 health goals for myself this week - to find condiments that don't have processed oils (I found a really delicious spicy mayo that has avocado oil rather than the usual canola oil that a lot of condiments have) and to fast for 13-11 rather than 16-8. On the days where I go to therapy, my days are pretty long and I get hungry before my sessions. So I normally get these sweet potato puffs or white cheddar popcorn, but I want to look for something minimally processed. Again something with healthy oils.

In this case I'll break my fast at 9 rather than 12. I can have my morning coffee then. But for a snack I'm not sure what to have. Preferably something light. My mom suggested peanut butter and apples, but I don't like apples lol.

There are different fasting schedules and foods I should be eating throughout my cycle. Some weeks I need more calories and carbs and no fasting, others I need to eat less and less carbs/more fats. Women's hormones are cyclical unlike men. Men can get away with strict fasting and low carb, but women need a cyclical fasting pattern and more carbs to support hormone balance. It is more complicated.

I had a midnight snack last night and broke my fast this morning at 9:30. I felt so much better. I woke up and my skin was less inflamed. I didn't even apply steroids (neither to my face nor hands). The redness has subsided by a lot, but I still have some cuts and dryness on my hands. My hands are a bit itchy, but my face is better. The inflamed patches are healing and clearing up. I had a stubborn inflamed spot on my right hand that covered my thumb, thumb knuckle, and inner wrist. Even that has cleared. My hands look "normal" for the first time in several months and I'm so happy.

It would have never occurred to me that strict IF would have contributed to my severe inflammation, but I'm so happy I feel better now. I know an anti-inflammatory diet and good gut health help (I love my aloe juice). But even with that it felt like something was missing. It was my hormone imbalances caused by stress and strict fasting. Stress is another thing I'm going to work on with my therapist, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist for formal autism testing (my mom, sister and I believe I am on the spectrum). But that's a separate issue from my strict intermittent fasting, which is probably the most inflammatory thing I'm doing to myself.

I lost a lot of weight with IF (13 lbs of fat and fat alone, not total weight loss). But I'm sure there is an easier approach that isn't as strict that won't cause fatigue and inflammation.

I would love to continue with my current healthy habits - the anti-inflammatory lifestyle, aloe juice and general gut support, flexible IF, psychological support, and hormone support (I feel the cycling will help with this, but it's a process I will need to get used to). A future goal I can look into is exercise and liver support. I'm also going to the dentist with my mom, but that's much later.

I'll do more research on hormone balancing. But it's a tricky area as I'm not very educated on it. But I'll do enough research in order to support myself.

[junebugwriter]

Tiring night. I work overnight as a hotel night auditor, and a lot of that is a pull between customer service and managing certain accounting tasks for the next day, which is a pretty easy job all things told, as long as the "customer service" variable is relatively manageable. However, it was a Friday night, and those are usually rough. Phones ringing off the hooks, guests lining up in front of me, you know the drill. It can be maddening.

I get the feeling it wasn't supposed to be like this. None of this is supposed to be like this. The more money people have to blow, the angrier they seem. I'm doing a the job of a supervisor for the pay of an entry level worker, and I've done so for six months, since the time the last overnight supervisor quit. I've just... kind of done it. Nobody asked. I've trained several people in that time. I've applied for the supervisor job, too. I've been told for a month now that any day now, the "promotion" will be mine. My pay hasn't gone up. My authorization hasn't gone up. I'm still just doing the same thing I've always been doing, for not nearly enough money.

But my story is hardly unique, isn't it? Companies don't do anything unless they are forced to. Management doesn't care about the workers until they are made to care. But I'm isolated. There are three (3) total overnight auditors at this hotel with service for over 600 rooms. We should have at least 6 people doing this job. But we don't. Because we've gotten by without it for so long, the management seems to think it's going to be fine forever. I've told my direct boss, who is fine and who gets it (tm) because she was a front desk worker not long ago and deals with all the front line bullshit on a regular basis. She's been fighting for me. But management has never responded to any email I've ever sent. They've never corresponded. I've only ever seen the current front office manager twice. In five years. Once was on accident as I was leaving. The other time was when he had just started working here. I had been here for three years at that point. I've outlasted three rounds of management hiring and firing.

From what I can tell, though, this is how it is EVERYWHERE. Every time I talk with other hotel staff, or with other service workers, or hell, even with OFFICE workers, people are being over-extended. This goes well beyond burnout. I mean, I'm burnt out. I know I am. But I'm managing doing this job full time, while writing a PhD dissertation... and now managing gender dysphoria and beginning transition, too. It's all so much. Everything is just happening so fast, it feels like the world is accelerating so fast, and nothing will ever slow down, get easier, or get better.

I don't know of any person my age who has hope things will get better any time soon. Unless we all do something about it, nothing will get done. I tried a union, but the anti-union work is very real around here. Also, I work with max 3 other people a night. I don't see the bulk of the work force, so organizing isn't exactly something I'm primed to do. Not that "organizing" is a thing I'm at all good at anyways.

I just feel so fucking fried, so tired. I know part of it is my disability, but I also just know that this isn't how things are supposed to be, either. Nobody should have to do all the shit we have to deal with. Nobody should be paid pennies for working at a place you could never in a hundred years reasonably afford given our wages. Yet here we are. And the worst part? Management keeps finding new, stupider ways to scam people out of their money, which makes customers madder because they KNOW that they're being scammed--and take it out on the service workers!! As if we're in any position to do anything about the pricing that was decided by the upper levels of everything! As if we don't already know that the hotel is garbage, overpriced, and only this expensive because we're in a tourism town!

I work all the fucking time, to the point where I don't want to do anything on my days off because I need the time to recover. But recovery never comes. Just more anxiety, more worry, more work. And it seems never ending.

It shouldn't be like this. This cannot continue. But it will, until we have a broad and connected working class to push back against the powers that be. I know, I'm isolated, disenfranchised, and disenchanted intentionally, that's how capitalism works. But goddamn, each day feels like we're all squealing into the next on bald tires and broken brakes, but if we stop, we starve.

This cannot continue. It all has to burn, so we can build a better world in the ashes of the old.

[pepperf]

2022 has been, well, let's say a continuation of the pandemic years for me. I'm a little lacking in emotional resilience these days, and I'm dragging myself over the line with the hopes that next year will be kinder. But it hasn't all been bad. I've had some amazing times with friends and family, I paddled in the sea with my nephew, I finally saw @bethanyactually again after so fucking long, and I've learned a few things. So I thought I'd do the counting my blessings thing, and look back on the good things this year.

2022 was the year that I…

Wrote nearly 200k words. That's over 500 words a day. That is two full-length novels. And I finished and posted about 130k of it on AO3, which—look, I've not been tracking it this way before now so I don't have the stats, but it's DEFINITELY a higher rate of finishing than I've had before. And @wheresmytowel deserves all my thanks for, oh, so much of that. I'm gradually figuring out what works for me in terms of completing stories, and I'm really happy with my progress on that front.

Discovered that armpit hair is cute. I'm serious. Look, I've given up shaving before, but I don't think I've stuck to my guns for this long, well, ever. But this summer, after my last trip to the beach with the family, I decided, to hell with it. And now it's all grown past the spiky stubble stage, and the beard-on-someone-who-can't-really-grow-a-beard stage, and it's kind of luxuriant and…goddamn it, it's fluffy. It is cute. Why is it always seen as a Statement or an insult, something strident and unfeminine and unkempt, when long hair is otherwise seen as an ultra-feminine attribute? I love my fluffy little pits, and legs, and bits. It's possible I'll chicken out when summer comes around again—but until then, I'll get a fond little 'yay' moment, every time I see the kitten fluff under my arms.

Decided that I didn't want the career I've got. This is a difficult one, but it's been a long time coming. A large part of why I am where I am comes from me trying to live up to the (impossible) legacy of my mother, and…okay, yes, I am also a firm believer in the value of public sector work and everyone pitching in to make the country and the world a better place. But I've been doing something along those lines for nearly 20 years now, and I'm kind of burnt out, ngl. And I'm sad to say, I might be done with the NHS. I truly believe in it, and I am loyal through and through, but…it's an increasingly hard place to work, and I don't think I have the mental stamina for it any more. Maybe once I've stepped away, and regrouped for a few years, I will come back. But at the moment, it's a really bad place to be for my mental health, and as a result of that, I'm doing an increasingly poor job of things that I used to find easy. So, I just need to stop, really, for everyone's sake, and do something different.

Started painting again. Slowly and cautiously. I started to think about it in the summer, and took some reference photos of some stuff I might like to paint—then a few months after that I got my easel down from dad's attic and took stock of my paint and brushes—then I dragged out one of my old canvases that never got properly used—and a couple of months ago I ordered some new paint—and applied a base layer to wipe off a painting that was haunting me with bad memories—and then applied another base layer to start building it up into something new…and, yeah, that's where I'm at. But it's a start, and it's more painting than I've done in a very, very long time, and I'm…cautiously excited.

Put some other tentative stakes in the ground for things I might want to do—job stuff, writing stuff, house stuff…all too much to do all at once, and it probably won't all happen next year, because I don't think I could handle that, but at least it feels like I'm not stagnating. Even if I need to remind myself of that, sometimes.

Jesus, I sound fragile. I am fragile, honestly, my confidence is easily knocked, and I'm anxious about a lot of stuff, and I feel like I keep having to gently lead myself along like a 90yo with a broken hip, and I've got things in the new year that I'm dreading (particularly job hunting, god help us—but I'm on a temp contract at the moment, so I don't have a choice). But…I'm getting there.

Here's to 2023.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

I know I should stop using fb watch so much, considering that so many of the videos are there to induce negative reactions and make you angry, and some vids are also incredibly irrelevant to me.... like real estate for example.

so sometimes, I get this snooty american real estate agent who sells to luxury buyers in god-knows-where america. like why the fuck is she in my feed when im a poor baby millennial.... who will NEVER afford a house in AUSTRALIA, let alone the in US????

anyway. the other day, I got a video from this lady in my feed. she was going on about 5 things to NEVER do in a job interview with me at my company. I was like. huh. okay. why not listen as a jobhunter. but whooooo boy, the first point she had was a red flag. she opens the video (honestly, for rage engagement, lbr) with "NEVER act like YOU NEED to interview the interviewer. HOW DARE you question me???? you bring NOTHING to the table if you act like that in MY business!!!! that's a disgusting amount of audacity that you think YOU ARE important enough to question ME, a successful real estate agent who sells luxury house listings in fadaheim florida (I made that up I don't remember where she is). come in and be as subservient as possible, and kiss my ass for the entire interview. do NOT ask me what I bring to the table. I bring it all and you work for me. end of and get out, if you think you NEED to question me. you are scum and need to work for the bare minimum, beg and scrape, before you even level a question at ME. remember I am a FAVOUR by even bothering to interview and consider hiring you. you are doing NOTHING for me."

like. sheesh woman. employers/bosses such as you are the reason that no one trusts employers anymore. why people hop jobs every few years. because who the fuck wants to work for someone who won't answer a simple question like "what's your work life balance like?" or "where do you see this business heading in the next 5 years???" or whatever else. you have no answers except "turning over millions of dollars of profits on million dollar houses and pushing out whoever DARES to question me, the all-knowing god of luxury real estate in florida". is pure audacity, and although I hate using the word, narcissism.

my point is, if you apply for a place like this, run. run for the high hills. you will be so burnt out by the end of it and probably traumatised, that it's the best not sacrificing your mental and physical health. although i know the job market is impossible right now (considering that I applied for a local call centre with the same attitude just 2 weeks ago, but they fucked me around so much woth the over the top anal background check that I didn't even start AT ALL last week (thank god once I got reports from people I know that's its a shit place to work)), that it's basically impossible NOT to take a job like that.

but this woman and people like her are showing their true colours right away. run, run, run. as fast as you can and call yourself the gingerbread man at a hopefully better (not possible really) workplace environment...... than what this woman and people like her will create and perpetuate in toxicity and unhealthy hustle culture bullshit. ALWAYS have the so-called "audacity" to question employers at the end of or throughout your interviews.

[excelsior9173]

-

i have got to start sticking up for myself and stop being such a goddamn pushover because how have i landed myself in a third job with serious legal management issues???

like first it was a job that refused to release schedules in a legal amount of time. i was constantly fucked for doing anything outside of work because i never knew when i would have a shift

then there was the nasty ass retail job where i didn’t hate the work but once again- illegal scheduling practices. i even went to my union about it but they fucking ignored me :) that was fun :)

and now! i am considered an independent contractor, and i think my boss thinks that she can just do whatever because of that. like she said my pay was coming today (literally the last day possible she could pay me within the period she set HERSELF WHEN SHE MADE THE BUSINESS) and it is currently 9pm and i still haven’t seen a cent. pretty sure there’s legal precedent here to pay me now? and she’s breaking her professional promise (which she’s been hounding the team about lately) by still not paying me. i’m also pissed that i swear she said a few months ago that she pays people in order of who confirms their paysheet. i am positive i am one of the first to confirm every month and yet i’m being paid last this month? how is that fucking fair?

i’m so burnt out from covering for other coworkers who can’t be bothered to commit to the work they accept, plus having my time off ignored, i’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck because i get paid a lump sum once a month, i’m tired of the inconsistency of my pay/schedule. but i’m also tired of fucking applying to jobs because no one ever fucking calls me back. i am useless and can’t work anything but shit minimum wage jobs because i guess i have no transferable skills for anything. fuck this life i hate capitalism i want to disappear into the woods.

[noortjelanterfanter]

Trigger warning: depression and stuff

I'm at the absolute end of my rope. Life seems so fucking pointless I don't even know how to express how fucking pointless it feels. I don't have a proper job, I'm burnt the fuck out and there is no help until October of next year. I'm in a temporary rental place and I'm worried that as soon as I have to move out I won't be able to even apply to different places because disability pays fuckall. I'm so pissed at life. I finally took a risk and left my toxic relationship, despite worst case scenario I'd be exactly where I am now. I didn't want to not have a job, relationship or secure living. And I have all that. I'm lonely. All my friends are partnered, have stable housing and most have a permanent position in their work. I don't know where I went the fuck wrong... I did everything right this past year... everything. And somehow I'm now stuck between a rock and a hard place. Nowhere to go, nobody's priority, nobody fucking cares. Not even me. Today is particularly bad. Which is partially because every time I get invested in a connection with someone my whole nervoussytem Just goes apeshit, but also because I get triggered left and right.

Mr silly walks has a girlfriend, his girlfriend is married so in my mind the position of nesting partner is still up for grabs basically. But I have a mildly anxious attachment style, and I tend to go in head first and want to go way to fast. At the same time he expressed that he wants to go slow but also that he isn't sure if he could already start dating a second person, because he hasn't been with his girlfriend for that long. So you know. My mind is spiralling, which has nothing to do with him. I'm Just so fucking done with how my brain works. I need it to stop being so insane and Just be healthy.

Also I caved and had kfc... I'm not happy, but whatever. I literally want to off myself, so I think there's worse things I could've done than order the food.

But yeah. Fuck today. Fuck life. Fuck everything.

Sorry for being so raw.. it's why I used the trigger warning. Also, I'm not actually going to off myself. I Just really, really want to.

[frozeninice]

advice from the past -- dear future me pt. 2

Its July 8, 2023, and I have a raging ear infection (one of many and likely many more), and I was thinking of a post, written by me, Katie sent to me a couple months ago. It was a “dear future me” written in September 2018. I had been going through some old notebooks and read a letter written to future me, likely around the end of high school, 2016 ish. I won’t repost it here, but you can find it under the “dear future me” tag. 

I read through the letter from the past to the future me, at the time it was September 2018. I had just started seeing a psychotherapist for my depression and anxiety as I struggled through nursing school. I’m not sure of the exact dates, but I think that was around the time of 3rd semester of nursing where everything went to shit: nearly failed out, burnt out to the bone, crying at the (seemingly) little inconveniences in life (when actually it was the burn out seeping out). It was a bad time, surely, but to see myself wanting to be positive and keep going on, it warms my heart. 

Nursing school were the hardest years of my life. I wouldn’t want to go back and do it all again, do it all different, because I know I had to go through all that pain and struggle to get to where I am--who I am--today. I love who I am. I would never want to change that. What I’m trying to say here, is that even though I was so fucked up mentally, a part of me still wanted to persevere and knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if I couldn’t see the end, I hoped the light would be there. Looking back into my memories of these times, its hard to look past all the shit and remember the good in all the bad, so it--what’s the word, not grateful, not relieved--comforts me knowing that a tiny part of me wanted to keep living life. 

What’s life like now?

Well, I finished nursing school in 2021. It wasn’t easy. I failed a couple courses, nearly failed many more. Had to take an extra year, so I really beat down on myself for being a failure, for not finishing in 4 years. But now, in 2023, I see that I needed to graduate in 2021 instead of 2020. Aside from the obvious reason of THE FUCKING COVID PANDEMIC, ahem, sorry had to get that out of the way. My mental state in 2020 sunk to rock bottom. I can’t imagine finishing nursing school, getting my RN, and starting the new grad journey ALL during a fucking pandemic. I think I actually would have tried to kill myself, and I’m not saying that lightly or jokingly. I needed to graduate one year later, despite myself hating it the whole time. I needed that extra year to learn about me. Also, don’t let myself ever forget that you met your best friends of nursing school in that extra year. Marissa, Rachel, Zipora, Kafia, Rae, Joanna, Libby, thank you. These friends helped you get through the last three years. You are still in contact with these friends. You have traveled with these friends. Do not let yourself forget all the positives of taking that extra year. You are not a failure. You are a survivor. 

I studied my ass off and wrote the NCLEX in 2021. For once, I actually felt ready for an exam. I was itching to write it, instead of hiding, I went into the light and did it. I conquered it. I demolished it. I am so fucking proud of myself, of you, for writing it. I passed. June 19, 2021, you passed the fucking NCLEX and became a registered nurse (RN). Congratu-fucking-lations. You fucking did it!!

I then applied for new graduate nursing jobs. My heart screamed Sick Kids, but I later learned that this wasn’t my path, not then, maybe in the future. I had many interviews in one week (still don’t know how you did that, ya crazy crazy girl). My last interview of the week was with SHN for a nursing resource team (NRT) or float nurse position. Most of the jobs you applied and interviewed for had been for float positions, but you didn’t feel excited for these positions. You wanted exciting. You wanted interesting. MEDSURG didn’t feel like either. Your last interview of the week, by now you have mastered the core questions of a new grad interview and DESTROYED that interview. Going into the interview, you felt meh, its another NRT, whatever. But by the end, you felt different. You felt supported, like you could do anything. The manager, Rebecca, made you feel like you knew your stuff, and the clinical practice leader (CPL) Janette, made you feel supported and encouraged. For once, in the interview process, that you could see yourself working as an RN. That this was all becoming real. 

So you accepted the position with SHN as an new grad NRT in the new grad guarantee (NGG) initiative. You started August 3, 2021. You got three months of orientation in different units of your hospital. You were inexperienced. It had been over a year since being in the hospital for placements. You lacked a lot of nursing skills. But you learned quickly. You absorbed, like a sponge, everything you learned. You made mistakes along the way, but you learned from your mistakes and improved your nursing practice. 

October 25, 2021, you were set into the world of nursing on your own. You were in charge of your patients, you were in charge of completing all the tasks of the shift. You struggled. But you knew when to ask for help. You did not let your ego get in the way of your patients’ safety. The very first shift of being by yourself, you were placed on a surgical unit (5W). You had a pt with a colostomy, the bag got too full and exploded. Got all over the patient, the bed, and floor. It was a huge mess. But you learned not to leave emptying the bag until the last minute. You had a patient fresh post op from thyroid surgery. They were satting in the 80s and you panicked. You got the charge nurse and made them stay with you while, together, you figured out how to help the patient. 

Over the next couple months of your new grad nursing career, you made a lot of mistakes, learned from those mistakes, overcame anxiety and imposter syndrome, and became a more confident and competent nurse. 

December 27, 2021, surprises me how easy I remember the date. This was your first code blue. This destroyed you. It was the 4th day shift straight, end of the day, you almost made it to the end, when this code went off. Around 6pm it occurred, I think. You spent your first Christmas away from your family at the hospital with others who were too sick to be with their own. This was your first involvement in a code blue. The first time you did compressions on a real person, first time you saw what a code truly is. How gruesome it is. What is needed to be done to bring someone back to life. You got the patient back, but ultimately, they did not survive the night. You stayed with the primary nurse while she filled out the death paperwork. You knew you needed to see this, even though you were so distraught. Charlene, the PSW on the floor that day, held you as you cried. She helped you process this. You reached out to your manager, Rebecca, to talk about it. You talked with your good friend and charge nurse that day, Christie. You talked with your parents. You talked with your therapist. You tried. It was difficult. But you knew that you wanted to work in emergency, and you knew that you had to work through this so that you would be ready for the next time someone needed to be brought back.

June 5, 2022, you started your new position as a split pediatric-emergency RN. This was your dream, this was what you were working towards during those hours in NRT that you dreaded. Emergency was definitely not what it seemed, and you struggled to grasp everything before your brain shut down. You needed this change, to a new position. Float team was destroying you from the inside. Your mental health was plummeting. It was the best thing you ever did. Working on 7W satisfied your need to work at Sick Kids, you learned you didn’t need Sick Kids. You found your home. 

Since then, you’ve been working your split peds-emerg position. Its not been easy, but its been worth it. 

You’ve been seeing a psychiatrist, alongside your therapist, for ADHD, depression, and anxiety since the middle of 2020. Its been scary, but its been worth it. You are a stronger, more confident you. 

The road you’ve traveled thus far has not been easy, and the road ahead is also not going to be easy. You are learning to accept that life does not become easy once you reach a certain point, you just learn to adapt yourself to be able to process and handle life’s challenges. 

Now in 2023, you are struggling with how to have a work-life balance and how to be Kirsten without the nurse or the baker. 

Life feels grey right now. You are trying to add colour, but it feels like futile efforts. Keep trying to add colour. Eventually you will turn around and see the rainbow. 

Dear past me: I’m sorry I can’t tell you it will be easy. 

Dear future me: You will get better at dealing with the obstacles life throws at you.

I love you so much.

[whyispotatoheadalreadytaken]

So, I know I wrote about this a little bit but about a year ago people were really overwhelmed and so Karen made a knee jerk decision to give everyone a “siesta hour” so they could have time in the middle of the day to decompress. Well, all of the barn ladies were coming in at 8 instead of 9 to have a half day on Friday so then they just started not coming in on Fridays. Well, around Feb, Karen made a knee jerk decision to take that option away from people along with their salary pay. Now everyone was suddenly expected to see 35 clients a day and be paid hourly, so, if people don’t show then they don’t get paid for that hour. Now, when I say that this pissed people off, I mean, it was a shitshow for MONTHS. DRAMA AFTER DRAMA AFTER DRAMA THAT DIDN’T EVEN APPLY TO ME THAT WAS EVERYWHERE. And if it wasn’t enough at work, Zoë would want to process more when we got home and there were days when I had to be really real with her and straight up be like look I’m done talking about this. I have no more energy to give to this shitshow that has nothing to do with me or you. Someone made a bad decision BIG SHOCKER and now people are pissed. That is not my problem or yours and maybe if you just let it be what it is instead of trying to fix it, she’ll learn that she can’t keep doing this to people. “But then we’ll lose people, Niamh!!!!” SO WHAT? Then we wish them well and hope she learns from this. To my surprise, Zoë actually listened to me and just let the fire burn. When asked why this decision was made, Karen said that it was because we are financially in the red. She says this as there are construction people building an adventure course that nobody asked for. Not even Zoë. So, then people started crunching numbers and had questions about where all of the money was going. And then they were like ummmmmm are we being worked to death to fund the greenhouse? And the adventure course? And all of these things no one asked for? I know for a fact that she pays for personal things with the business card. I know she does. And then people started talking to their EXTERNAL. SUPERVISORS. And all of them have been sent various job openings and told to run for their lives. And I’m sitting over here like, and you all want to know why I haven’t legally changed my name yet? This is why. Because if word gets out that she is shady as fuck and blurs ethical boundaries, my name is then tied and we work in the same field. This community is small and we have to network and I’m not going to be guilty by association. So, therapists are leaving and now Karen is like, this is gonna be fine because Niamh can just take all of this therapists caseload!!!! And I’m like fuck no! I am not going to just start seeing 35 people a week. I will die. Also, I can’t even take my entry licensure exam until August so, sorry. Now she lowkey resents me for not taking it early so I could start working right away but all my attention had to go to school. I’m not a good test taker and I have to pay for this one so I want to pass the first time. And things have been rocky here for months and I dunno if I actually want to start my career here. So, I dread having that conversation along with the fact that I want to have the minimum caseload required for my future supervision hours that I need for my independent license. I don’t want to start, be immediately burnt out and then quit this forever. I want to ease into it, learn my craft, get my independent license, and then see where I’m at. She’s made passive aggressive comments about me not scheduling my CSW exam in TEAM MEETINGS WHEN I’M NOT THERE. So, that’s nice.

[wyn-n-tonic]

If you don't want this in your asks, just delete. No biggie.

I think it's really weird that people go into your (and others) asks and make their feelings a you problem. Regardless of if their feelings are valid or not, the way they're expressing them isn't. It's not one creator's fault that readers are feeling burnt out, and it's not one reader's fault that there's a serious lack of engagement on this site.

As for the "creators who don't reblog anyone else's work", do you know how hard it is to keep up with everyone's fic, write your own (possibly multiple fics), and have a life outside of tumblr? Like a whole ass life? Chill.

Anon - I got burnt out too, but you know what? I took a fucking break. You can just take a break. Curate your own experience and all that.

oh no, you're fine.

honestly, i was just confused by the other anon's message and wanted them to, like... clarify? because i couldn't tell if they were accusing me of something or not? and if it was about me it was probably in regards to that post about waiting for comments which wasn't meant to be pressure-y at all but more of like... "i am twirling my hair and kicking my feet waiting to talk with my friends about this but i recognize that i jumped the gun and posted it super early and they're at their actual jobs doing actual grown up things.' it wasn't meant to put pressure on anybody at all.

as far as if they were saying i don't reciprocate, like... yeah, there's some fairness in there. but also to be fair, i'm doing my best. it's also hard to find fics that i want to read right now and that's for a variety of reasons, which is why i have started joining discords with other writers and conversing with them and exchanging with them and trying to help create a space where we lift each other up because, a lot of times, i feel just as left in the dust. i do reblog when i read something i really enjoy, i have multiple tabs open right now and i'm talking on the back end of things with other writers. and, furthermore, i have also written 90k words this month while also finishing out my editorial assignments for my freelance job while also beta reading for my friends while also applying for actual jobs again. so, again i say, i'm doing my best, man. we're all doing our best.

like at the end of the day, i don't expect anybody to read my shit! not a single person in this hellscape of a world is obligated to read my shit! but does that mean i'm going to stop reblogging my work that i've put hours of my heart and research into saying it would be pretty cool if people read it? no, because i want to talk to people about it. and if anybody ever feels pressured to read my shit simply because i'm excited to talk about it with my friends like we're gossiping at a slumber party, that's a them problem.

[mangodestroyer]

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been going through this as well!

I'm not even physically disabled myself! But retail sure as hell makes me feel like I am sometimes. I used to be that person who could just stay thin with very little effort and walk a fifteen-mile hike through some rough ass terrain like it was nothing! People worried about me and thought I was starving myself. Others joked and called me hollow leg. People thought I was too thin to be strong, but I have always been tall and muscular for my bio sex. I used to work another job where I lifted up to fifty pounds all day for ten hours, forty hours a week. Non-stop. I'd work outside in blizzards, dragging huge grocery orders through the snow. As an awkward, lanky 20-year-old who only weighed 120 lbs.

But this job? This job has me lying in bed for most of my free time. My joints sometimes get so sore and I feel like I have to take so many measures to reduce inflammation. Despite still being a physical job... that weight I put on is being so fucking stubborn. I've started reducing my calories by quite a bit too. I do think about exercising, but I cannot bring myself to get out of bed to do that. I think it's the mental exhaustion doing this. I'm mentally disabled and really, I probably shouldn't be working a job like this. I'm already a high risk for mental health (moderate depression and anxiety). I have a diagnosed disorder that basically means I'm borderline autistic. And I think I might also have ADHD and cPTSD as well. You're right, the scheduling doesn't help with your social life. Not that I have much going on anyway, but it doesn't help me build one. Nor does it make me a fun person to be around because I am always burnt out and often in a bad mood. I probably seem boring, bitter, and borderline crazy. I'm also now addicted to weed and caffeine. I'm not even functional without those things.

No, it doesn't have to be like this. I genuinely believe that capitalism has set things up like this on purpose. If you look all throughout history, tons of empires had a slave class. Wage slavery IS actually recognized as a form of slavery. It just doesn't seem like it is because we still have some semblance of freedom and you can, in theory, work your way out of this. But let's be real here, who often ends up working these jobs? People from rough backgrounds/those who are desperate and can't find anything else. You have zero bargaining power in this line of work and the general public thinks you're a lesser being for working a job like this. The company treats you like dirt and acts like nothing you do is ever enough. And the scheduling literally makes it so difficult to decompress from a shift and think about/do other things with your life. I feel like the whole point of it is to keep you trapped/stop you from thinking you can actually work your way out of it. And keep you too tired to even want to try. I mean... it would actually be easier for them to give everyone a set schedule and it would reduce the overturn by quite a bit if they made things even a little bit easier for us. I think they need to convince people that they are trapped and can't bring themselves to find something else so that they can continue to give shit pay and horrible working conditions. Look into the phenomenon of "tolerable level of permanent unhappiness." It's literally a tactic used by ab*sers.

My advice is to try and fight through it and do whatever you can to find something else. Learn some tricks to improve your resume and interviewing skills. Learn how to market yourself. Talk to people who work in the hiring process or who just happen to know some things about it (I found out that I actually have a lot more skills than I thought I did). Try to get any amount of education that you can and seriously look back on everything you've done in your life to see how it applies to a job you're applying to. I was surprised to find that my experience working in a lab in school, working with Excel, and writing lab reports was desirable to an office job I was hired for (part-time on campus). Someone mentioned that my minor in mathematics probably helped make me more desirable as well. I also got hired for a theater job and the person interviewing me was delighted to find out that I was in choir, orchestra, and theater all the way back in grade school. And even that performed on stage multiple times for many years. That was so many years ago! And... neither of these jobs has anything to do with anything I've studied in college.

Just get out! It doesn't get better!

Not that I want to talk about it too much or anything, but now that I'm actually leaving retail for real (because I finally secured something else and can afford to leave), I'm kind of thinking a lot about how shitty this job actually is. And how I sort of just got used to it after a while.

I mean, first, there's the obvious of retail being a hella toxic environment. You're constantly facing the public, and have zero ways of standing up for yourself and avoiding it. Companies also push for you to reach extreme goals and push for workers to be super competitive over the metrics. All this micromanaging, as well as the bs from the customers, can easily cause co-workers to become burnt out and bitter. Leading to toxic work relationships as well.

Secondly, it's so much physical labor. And my job in particular also requires a high level of social intelligence. I mean, you have to actually SELL things to customers, on top of balancing a thousand different tasks (and completing them within a certain time frame while also putting out other people's fires). I mean, seriously. It's difficult to draw the energy to have a whole-ass sales pitch, individualized to the customer you're speaking to when you've been rushing to complete three projects.

It's also the scheduling. You can never have the same schedule every week. And the shifts are always all over the place. One week, you might have six four-hour shifts, the next week, you have an eight-hour shift where you work till nine at night, and then have another eight-hour shift the next day requiring you to come in at five or six in the morning. Maybe you worked nothing but evening shifts for the past three months. Now you're suddenly being scheduled morning shifts after you've gotten used to going to bed at four a.m. because you hate waiting to go to your job during the day. Maybe you're scheduled two 35-40 hour weeks because it's a very busy sales period and there is A LOT OF WORK TO DO. Then you're scheduled for nothing but 8 to 16-hour weeks and there's nothing to do/you have no money. You're scheduled for every weekend and holiday. You can no longer feel excited about those while everyone else is having a blast. In fact, you forgot that going to the store is something that people sometimes do for fun. If you ask to limit your hours and have certain times/days off, you'll get heckled for it. Sometimes, you're asked to cover shifts and people get annoyed if you decline. You're asked to find someone to cover your shift if you can't make it in. People get mad at you for being sick or for just wanting to use vacation days.

The pay. The pay is shit. All this for the lowest pay they think they can get away with giving people.

It is... exhausting! Even a simple four-hour shift leaves me feeling like I can't decompress. I have to take things to help me relax after work and to help me tolerate it the next day. Even then, I can't truly get myself to focus on my hobbies or anything. It's also made going to school difficult. It's so hard to think after being worked like that. Or to have the energy to stay on top of things. Also, I've gained weight since working this job. I was... 125 lbs when I started. I got all the way up to 165 lbs in three years and struggled to get down to 157 lbs these past few months. I feel like my stomach can't even digest a lot of food these days. Like, if I eat too much dairy or fruit or something, it feels like it just sits in my stomach for a long ass time until I get cramps and feel bloated. I never used to be like this. I also feel like I have more inflammation in general. And God forbid you have issues happening in your personal life. It makes all of this so much worse! Back when I was in a toxic relationship, I straight up wondered if I was developing b*polar/sch*zophrenia, d*mentia, or c*ncer. The stress was affecting me both physically and mentally THAT MUCH.

I spent three weeks away from my job a few months ago. I actually started feeling like I had some energy. I started feeling human again. It was pretty telling. Before then, I thought I'd finally gotten used to working that job and that maybe it wasn't so bad. Then I came back and was like, "Holy, fuck! This place is shit!" I started putting in job apps like my life depended on it for ANYTHING that wasn't retail or food service. ANYTHING. Even if I was underqualified.

And that's that. I will never do a low-paid customer service job again. If things ever get rough in the job market and I don't have a choice but to return to shitty work... I will literally do the actual SHITTY work of scrubbing toilets before I return to retail. I'm DONE.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Some More Secret TPOFATGIF Lore:

I concussed a tooth, something that I did not know was possible, and am coping with the "lmao just take ibuprofen" of the situation by slapping the WIP with a fish and making more Lore up. This episode: "We All Know Bakura Collects Cursed Shit, Let's Explore That"

This post got LONG so now it's Under The Cut:

You can only have ONE (1) curse on you at a time. For instance, if you've got lycanthropy, you can't be afflicted by mummy rot. This is also applies to things like: having a cursed artifact attatched to you, being posessed or haunted by a ghost, Magical Illnesses, Bad Luck, Suffering from Illusions, and Blessings (Which are just curses that you like). A curse can be removed, and A More Powerful Curse CAN replace a pre-existing curse, under the right circumstances, but this still requrires significant effort on behalf of the new curse/curser. A Cursed body tends to remain Cursed.

There's basically four ways to make a Stupidly Powerful Magical thing: 1. Make a Normal Magical Thing, then have it last a really long time- it will acquire more magical energy over time, like compound interest. 2. Do something with extreme consequences to make the Magical Thing- Think "Permanent disfigurement" or "Economic Disaster" or "War Crimes". 3. If a lot of people BELIEVE it's extremely powerful, it will become so, like Warhammer 40K orks. 4. Fuck Up Real Bad.

Since He's already cursed with the Millenium Ring (Old as balls AND made with War Crimes AND a classic case of "Fucked Up Real Bad"), Bakura is pretty much immune to curses and his fear response burnt out years ago. So he has a part-time hobby of going to the Los Osaka Public Library System, assorted Museums, estate sales and so on to look for Cursed Shit. He's built up "quite a lovely little collection" of Grimoires, Hands of Glory, Monkey's Paws, Evil Little Dollies, Homonculi, a little gallery of cursed paintings, some fucked up mirrors and even a very nice murderous rocking chair. Sometimes, all that needs to happen is for an object to be returned to it's owner, and he's gotten quite adept at determining the provenonce of, legitimate owners of, and navigating the Postal Service regulations regarding the shipment of Magical Objects.

The first time The Gang sees his apartment post-Duelist Kingdom, there is a collective FIT. Tristan can't BELIEVE he's created a magical superfund site of cursed shit, did you even WARD this place?? Joey is just sitting in the living room crying because he hates all this crap, Yugi is mad that he's been doing this ALONE he could have gotten really hurt, and Tea is mad he's been doing this ALONE, she's always wanted to fistfight a Demon.

So now the gang has Scooby Gang Saturdays. Every third saturday of the month, they go somewhere to see if someone left something arcane and dagerous out where it might be messed with.

Seto Kaiba Very Much Does Not Believe In Magic, but he does believe The Compettition Is Up To Something Shady As Hell, and keeps inviting Yugi And I Guess Your Friends Can Come Too to various high-society functions so they can snoop around rich people houses so Seto knows if he needs to call the SEC or a Priest.

Yami and TK alike love this shit. Yami likes doing Acts Of Public Service and Matching Wits With the Supernatural and TK loves stealing things.

All the Millenium items can sense other magical Items, and in the case of the Puzzle and the Ring, it manifests as a sensory expirience for thier respective spirits. Yami is a very civilized hunter, either sharing Yugi's body like when they duel, or staying in ghost format and pointing at things. TK is a feral little gremlin and Bakura has to clip a leash to the Ring while it scuttles about like the worst possible combination of bloodhound and tarantula.

Tristan's job on these little hunts is to act equal parts Ghost Hunter and Home Inspector, keeping an eye out for mundane explanations in addition to his extensive knowledge of the supernatural. Joey is indespensible because like Miss Marple, he has an excellent criminal mind and can work out how some jackass might be using the cursed thing to work an angle. Tea is there in case something needs to be beaten to death with a chair.

[celestialevie]

Sunshine // Charlie Weasley x Healer! reader

(Not my GIF, credit goes to the creator) Genre: fluff with tiny bit of angst words: 1.7k warnings: cursing, like one sentence of smut (so 16+ please), kissing, idiots being oblivious about their feelings, mentions of second degree burn, mentions of broken ankles etc. Summary: Being in love with your childhood best friend is never easy, no matter how much love there is. A/N: This is gender-neutral fic don't mind the gif also, please keep in mind English is not my first language. If there are any mistakes, please let me know. And also thank you so much again for the 100 followers!! Hope you enjoy the fic

Working at your dream job with your childhood best friend has been the absolute dream. Even though you just started working at the sanctuary recently, you’re already loving it. And how could you not when Charlie Weasley has been nothing but supportive and making sure you’re comfortable with everything. Until very recently, you’ve been working at St. Mungo’s since your apprenticeship ended, when Charlie told you that people at the sanctuary are looking for another healer to work in case something happens with the wizards working there. While it did break your heart to leave your two other best friends, Tonks and Penny, you couldn’t pass up on the opportunity to be even closer to Charlie. Everyone around you two knew your feelings for each other, while the two of you kept being oblivious to each other's feelings, not wanting to ruin your friendship. Doing this job wasn’t that hard, healing a few burns here and there, twisted ankles etc. Charlie would find excuses to go and see you, even if it wasn’t actually anything wrong with him. You’ve known Charlie since the first year of Hogwarts, when you ran into him on the train. And honestly, seeing him then, you should’ve known you would’ve caught feelings for him. Red hair and blue eyes, freckles all over his face. Who can blame you? Your thoughts have been interrupted when you heard a knock on your office door. ‘’ Come in! ‘’ you yelled as Charlie opened the door. ‘’ Hi sunshine ‘’ he smiled at you. ‘’ Should’ve known it was you. Are you injured, or did you just come to bother me? ‘’ You ask him with a smile on your face.’’ Actually injured. Baby dragon decided to give me attitude by breathing fire on my hand. ‘’ he approaches you and places himself on a bed meant for patients. Taking his hand in yours, you see the very much visible burn marks on his hand. ‘’ It’s only a second degree burn, thankfully, nothing a little of burn-healing paste can’t cure. I’ll apply it and then wrap it up so that it doesn’t accidentally budge or wipe off. In no matter of time, your hand will be as good as knew and ready for another baby dragon or maybe even mother dragon to burn it again. But please don’t actually get burnt again on that hand if possible or anywhere. Molly would throw a fit if she knew how much of your scars and injuries I heal. ‘’ You say as you grab the burn-healing paste and apply it to his hand and finish it off with wrapping a bandage around his hand. Gently tapping his cheek, he sighs and gets up. ‘’ Thank you sunshine, you’re my saviour. ‘’ he exaggerates while kissing your cheek, and he’s on his way out of your office. What you didn’t know is while healing and inspecting his wound, he finally decided he’ll act up on his feelings. But for that, he’ll need help from one person who’s been helping him ignore his feelings for you. Going back to his place, he quickly wrote a note and sent his owl to that person letting them know to come over to his place asap. A couple of hours have passed before he heard knocking on his door. Opening his door, he saw that they were wearing the same outfit they usually did when they were meeting up. ‘’ Sorry it took me a while to come over, I was at work. ‘’ Charlie gulped and let them in. ‘’ It’s no problem, let’s get this over with and honestly this will probably be the last time we meet up like this, Anna… I decided to stop being a coward and acknowledge my feeling for y/n and do something about them. ‘’ he smiled and at his words Anna’s lips stretched into a wide smile. ‘’ Charlie, that’s amazing! I’m happy for you, god, I wish I could do the same about my feelings for Peter. ‘’ her smile faded a bit and a frown replaced it. Pulling her into his arms, he kissed her passionately, leading her towards the couch and slowly lowering her down on it while not breaking the kiss. Pulling off the coat, he knew she had only underwear underneath it. Slowly kissing down her neck and gently biting into it, wanting to hear her moans, he knew he pulled out of her every time they meet up like this. Lowering himself and kissing down her chest, sucking on

her sweet skin he’s got so familiar with recently. As he took of her bra, and started sucking on her nipples, the door of his cabin opened, and he swears the time stopped for him when he heard y/n’s voice when they interrupted something. ‘’ Hey Charlie….oh I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt. Please continue, I’m going to go…’’ before he could even muster up a word, they apparated away somewhere. ‘’ FUCK! ‘’ He yelled as he got off of Anna and helped her get dressed. ‘’ Go find her, you idiot! Don’t just scream and shout! You should go find her and tell her everything. I’ll go home. ‘’ Anna yelled at him Giving Anna a small kiss on the cheek as an apology, he quickly tried to think of a place y/n could’ve gone to. The first thing he did was run to her house and started knocking on their door. When they didn’t answer the door, he went to their office. When he tried to enter it, the door was locked, so he knocked a couple of times before moving on to a different location. He remembered showing her a special spot by the lake, which he accidentally found when he first moved to Romania. Quickly imagining that place in his head, he apparated there, and that’s when he spotted them. Sitting by the lake and throwing small rocks at it. Taking a deep breath, he approached them.

‘’ Hey sunshine. ‘’ at the sound of his voice, they raised their head and looked behind them. ‘’ Charlie, hey…’’ clearing his throat, he slowly approached them. ‘’ Mind if I sit down next to you? Been looking around to find you. Just want to explain something to you and then after that I can leave you alone if that’s what you wish for. ‘’ they nodded their head and gently patted a spot next to them. Charlie sat down. ‘’ Can I just say before you start, I’m sorry for walking in your house without knocking or even letting you know I’ll stop by. Didn’t mean to interrupt you and Anna in your private business.’’ their voice was on the verge of breaking because god-damn did their heart break when they saw Charlie and Anna in the middle of whatever they were doing. ‘’ Oh god no sunshine, you have nothing to apologize for. If anything, it’s me who needs to apologize to you. I am so fucking sorry you saw that. But I need to explain that whole situation and for you to understand it I need you to listen to every word I say. Anna and I were nothing more than just fuck buddies. To just try and forget about all the pain in our hearts that we both felt. We never saw each other as more than occasional fuck buddies who were looking to feel something. Her heart is longing for someone else, and so does mine. Sunshine, I know that what you saw probably hurt you more than you’d like to admit to yourself and to me. God, I wish you didn’t see me and her, but….’’ he stops, taking your hands into his and looking into your eyes. My heart only longs and wishes for you, sunshine. God, I’ve never been more in love with someone more than I am in you. If you’re in love with me too or at least have some romantic feelings for me, it would make me the happiest man in the world. If you wish to stay only friends with me, I completely understand, I promise I won’t let my feelings for you ruin our friendship. You mean way too much to me for me to only ruin it because of some stupid feelings. You’re the most important person in my life. You can say what you wish to say now. ‘’ Charlie was preparing for the worse, but what he didn’t expect is for you to start crying. Noticing the panicking look in his eyes, you quickly reassure him. ‘’ No, no, don’t panic, these are the happy and frustrated tears. Penny and Tonks will be over the moon once I let them know they were right about the two of us all this time. ‘’ A small laugh escapes your lips. ‘’ I’ve been in love with you, Charlie, probably since the moment I first met you on the train. All these times I’ve told myself you only saw me as your best friend, how could you ever see me romantically. But I guess I was wrong. ‘’ you wipe away your tears as Charlie looks at you with so much love in his eyes. ‘’ Oh sunshine, I’ve never been happier to see someone laugh. ‘’ you pull him into a hug, never wanting to let him go. He pulls a little away only to press him lips onto yours. The kiss was never sweeter, wanting to keep kissing you for the rest of his life.

BONUS:

When both Penny and Tonks received a letter from you, they didn’t expect anything unusual. But what they received was the happiest news they’ve been wanting to hear since probably fifth year of Hogwarts. Charlie and you were officially together. Just like you expected, you received one big howler from them. ‘’ CHARLES WEASLEY AND Y/F/N L/N HOW DARE YOU ANNOUNCE THE NEWS WE’VE BEEN WANTING TO HEAR JUST CASUALLY IN THE LETTER. I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU TWO!! ‘’ Penny screamed, but Tonks was only laughing in the background. ‘’ As soon as we can, Penny and I will come over to the Romania and keep telling y/n ‘ I told you so ‘’ because I TOLD YOU SO YOU DUMB IDIOT! ‘’ Tonks yelled, and all you could do was laugh at Charlie’s shocked and kind of terrified face. Penny can be a bit scary when she wanted to be, and he definitely experienced Penny’s wrath back in Hogwarts. ‘’ Well, they seem to like the news. ‘’ you laughed as you pulled Charlie into a kiss.