#i want to not be burnt out

[lesbian-disaster-academic]

i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.

as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."

NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING

[excelsior9173]

-

i have got to start sticking up for myself and stop being such a goddamn pushover because how have i landed myself in a third job with serious legal management issues???

like first it was a job that refused to release schedules in a legal amount of time. i was constantly fucked for doing anything outside of work because i never knew when i would have a shift

then there was the nasty ass retail job where i didn’t hate the work but once again- illegal scheduling practices. i even went to my union about it but they fucking ignored me :) that was fun :)

and now! i am considered an independent contractor, and i think my boss thinks that she can just do whatever because of that. like she said my pay was coming today (literally the last day possible she could pay me within the period she set HERSELF WHEN SHE MADE THE BUSINESS) and it is currently 9pm and i still haven’t seen a cent. pretty sure there’s legal precedent here to pay me now? and she’s breaking her professional promise (which she’s been hounding the team about lately) by still not paying me. i’m also pissed that i swear she said a few months ago that she pays people in order of who confirms their paysheet. i am positive i am one of the first to confirm every month and yet i’m being paid last this month? how is that fucking fair?

i’m so burnt out from covering for other coworkers who can’t be bothered to commit to the work they accept, plus having my time off ignored, i’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck because i get paid a lump sum once a month, i’m tired of the inconsistency of my pay/schedule. but i’m also tired of fucking applying to jobs because no one ever fucking calls me back. i am useless and can’t work anything but shit minimum wage jobs because i guess i have no transferable skills for anything. fuck this life i hate capitalism i want to disappear into the woods.

[arcane-gold]

hello rookanis nation. can i present rel and lucanis’s dynamic. sun and moon trope, one with boundless energy and one who gets 2 hours of sleep a night, guy i pulled by being an idiot, etc. they’re special to me

[xitsensunmoon]

Moon is getting on his nerves always

[lilybug-02]

Eimmet High...temmiE high. OMG!

Part 28 || First || Previous || Next...(Hiatus)

--Full Series--

Next update may take...much longer! I have finals and an internship and not to mention I have to draw- A LOT :')

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[welcometogrouchland]

ANOTHER SKETCH DUMP! Featuring more of me playing with lineless art. Batman reborn era trio (dick, damian and steph) I miss you...when will you return from war. Also featuring Steph designs bc I've seen ppl dissatisfied w/ her current look, some good mom Talia, and Jason Todd poetry club. Duke is confused not that Jason would start a poetry club but that he'd have such mid poetry opinions. (ID in Alt)

[goggleboggly]

dogman trailer got announced!!! i am very excited 😋 heres a doodle page i did today hehe

[spilycoris]

also new nari outfit. he's a guy.

[heynhay]

merry Christmas klancers 🎅

[skrs-cats]

rut was really good im such a sucker for anything that just wants to be uplifting and genuine. so, here is them :3

[tbcanary]

Barbara Ann Minerva and Diana Prince in Wonder Woman (2023) #10 (+ chappell roan, just because!)

these images are saved on my laptop as "toxic yuri.psd"

[sobbing-org]

I’m back!!

[croissantdemonium]

Yeah so my old ass laptop likes to eat game textures sometimes, she's just hungry like that

[actualori]

saustember day 15: crown

[territorial-utopia]

Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)

Sure has been a year.