#and also how people mask certain expressions when situations call for it

[normalbrothershow]

jensen and jared are like two extremes on opposite sides re: acting. jensen is like 😗 during an entire episode and jared is like 🥹😊😌😔🥺😑😋☹️🤨👿😈😏🙄 in one scene. and it works for both of em

[directdogman]

random DSaF thing I'm not sure if people picked up on.

Something significant about the DSaF 3 phones that popped into my head while I was writing the last post comparing Peter's DSaF 2 and DT incarnations that I didn't bother mentioning bc it was long enough

Harry and Jake are actually parallels to Steven + Peter respectively with a few major differences applied. (warning a LOT of text:)

Both Harry + Steven are generation 1 phones. They're both shown to be fairly by the book and are able to completely turn off their empathy when situations call for it. Both are completely disconnected from their former identities in a way that the other phones aren't. To further cement this connection, Harry is even shown to be the one that sent Steven to the factory. If an employee dies in your restaurant, Harry's response to it is pretty much what Steven's would've been.

Ultimately, he is a company man, like Steven. Just like Steven trying to save himself by any means necessary in DSaF 1, his confrontation in DSaF 3's evil route specifically talks about how much you've cost him and while he clearly feels disgust with you, he more so drills the futility and sheer callousness of what you're doing in rather than really tries to make you feel bad for the bad things you do. He speaks to you like you're more of a failure than anything else. You're not HIS employee, but as the former head of the franchise, speaking to the person who just killed it for the final time. He focuses on what you specifically took away from him, turning the conversation back to himself. His final words are a cold goodbye. His response to your actions is close to what Steven's could've been in this situation.

Ultimately, he's even more of an insider than Steven and someone with more of a direct connection to the cycle of misery that occurred at Freddy's. Basically, several of Steven's defining qualities are amped up in different ways.

Peter on the other hand, is not a company man. He's a gen 2 phoney, more in touch with his personal identity and in the good ending of 2, even escapes in order to reunite with his old lost family. He's generally a chiller boss than Steven, clearly caring more about the well-being of staff/customers than making the company happy.

Jake, similarly, also is in touch with his personal identity. Like Peter, he escaped in order to find his family, but as his backstory scene in 3 points out, this didn't go to plan. Jake, on the surface, seems like a polar opposite to Peter in how overtly cynical he is, a word he deliberately uses to describe himself in his DSaF 3 callout. However, this actually masks something that's more evident if you listen to him in certain key scenes.

Jake cares about others. A LOT. I based his characterization on a George Carlin quote: 'Scratch [the surface of] a cynic and you'll find a disappointed idealist'. It shows what Peter could've been if he'd never reconnected with his family or been able to correct any of the ills he came across. Someone who was worn down by life and put up walls as a result. But, the underlying care is still there and affects his decisions/words at key moments.

If you read his equivalent callout in 3 very carefully, there's some pretty strong parallels to Peter's callout in 2. He notably drills home the fact that you abused the trust of customers so you could feed like a monster. He mentions having higher hopes for you, hoping you were going to be someone better. Even after all Jack's done, he still expresses shock that he feels no remorse at all. His scene ends with a much harsher line, commanding Jack to never contact him again, akin to Peter's closing line in the equivalent 2 scene.

Also, notably, he breaks the no cursing Phone Guy rule in the scene. His reaction if an employee gets springlocked at your location is also noticeably more Peter-esque, remembering what he went through and not wanting another person to turn out the same, in contrast to Harry deciding to just go by the book, a decision that directly led to the creation of Steven pre-DSaF 1.

Okay, that's about it. I bet there's people out there who caught this (knowing me, I've said all of this before and forgot about it) but I figured a few people might find it interesting regardless. thanks, everyone!

[covid-safer-hotties]

Hospitals Deny Immunocompromised Patients’ ADA Requests For Masks - Published Feb 13, 2024

Before a recent hospital visit, Christine Link requested that her healthcare providers wear masks because of her autoimmune disease and medications that further suppress her immune system. A phlebotomist initially refused her request, leaving her feeling “shocked, scared.”

Escalating her concern to the Mass General Brigham’s patient advocacy office, she received this response: “While the request by a patient to an employee to wear a mask is not an ADA-related accommodation, it is a patient-centered and trauma informed best practice, and we encourage patients to make this request with the provider who is ordering the testing. The provider would determine if it would be in the patients’ best interest clinically to have staff wear a mask while interacting with the patient. Then they would need to communicate the decision to all staff providing services to the patient, such as phlebotomy staff.”

The patient advocate’s response left Link feeling, “foolish for thinking that Mass General Brigham would actually care enough to follow the law regarding reasonable accommodations. Instead I was gaslit about my needs.” She added, “Each time I have an in-person appointment, I have to go through being made to feel as less than any other human being as a result of my disabilities, bullied, and forced into unsafe care as a condition of getting the healthcare I need.”

Link is not alone. She is one of the many patients who reached out to tell me about how the refusal of this simple ADA accommodation is ruining their lives. One of the most worrisome bits of fallout is that many patients now fear they will get Covid-19 in the hospital or medical office. They are delaying getting medical care, including cancer screening and infusions of drugs, putting off vital appointments. This risks seriously damaging their health.

Link knew that the ADA includes being immunocompromised as a covered condition. She is also more determined than some other patients. She called the Department of Justice’s ADA line and filed a complaint with the Massachusetts Attorney General’s office in October, adapted from one made available by attorney Matthew Cortland on their Patreon page. She has not received any response from Massachusetts beyond acknowledging her submission. She has since written her state house representative, senator and governor, without getting any help.

When I reached out to MGB about its policy, I was told, “While in certain limited circumstances, wearing a mask or other Personal Protective Equipment may be an ADA accommodation, it is generally not.” The nurse advocate added, “This will be our last communication on this subject with you.”

One patient who asked for an ADA accommodation at another hospital says she woke up postoperatively to find herself unmasked. So were some of the nurses. She had tested negative for Covid-19 before her admission and became ill shortly after that. Hospital-acquired Covid-19 carries a higher mortality—33% in one study and 10% during the Omicron wave. This is due to the fact that people with more severe underlying diseases are in hospitals.

Link challenged the patient advocate about allowing “its patient-facing staff to put their personal political preferences (let’s not pretend it’s something other than political) before that of not only patient-centered care and their preferences but before the health and wellbeing of the patient.” She added, “I highly doubt that hand washing is left up to the personal preferences of patient-facing staff.” She also noted that MGB’s policy violates ADA laws, which explicitly include immune system diseases.

Other patients expressed anger at policies like MGB’s which state, “Patients can ask, but providers determine when and if masking in a particular situation is necessary.”

Some patients noted that they felt safer during the pandemic when everyone in healthcare settings was masking.

A recurrent theme was frustration that medical staff are ignoring the science—that repeat infections increase the risk of long Covid, that everyone masking is safer than one-way masking, and that N95 respirators are more protective than leaky surgical masks.

Another major complaint is being asked to wait long periods in unmasked waiting rooms for appointments, whether in the hospital or medical clinics. Patients are angry that they are refused permission to wait outside and be called in when it’s their turn. If restaurants can give people buzzers to call them in, one would think hospitals could master the technology.

Vulnerable patients are rebuffed when they want other people in a waiting area to mask—being told, “We can’t tell other people to mask,” yet if there were a case of measles, they could do so. Similarly, in an oncology or rheumatology office with many immunocompromised patients, the staff’s “right” to go unmasked trumps the patient right to a safe environment.

Patients fear retaliation and dismissal from a medical or dental practice, especially when no other options exist. Pantea Javidan, a Stanford sociologist and attorney stressed the difficulties patients experience “due to a power imbalance with physicians. They depend on doctors' expertise and can't easily question decisions such as mask-wearing.”

The Legal Perspective Julia Irzyk, attorney and co-author of Disabilities and the Law, notes that hospitals are “a public accommodation. They wouldn't have the right to say we're not going to mask in the surgery room.” She continued, “It's unacceptable to put patients at risk for a personal preference, which is all that is.”

“They are wrong on both the ethics and the law,” Irzyk concludes. “What they're doing is a violation of the ADA. What they're doing is a violation of the AMA code. And they are also destroying any trust that their high-risk patients have that they have their best health interests at heart.”

Irzyk’s father, attorney and bioethicist Mark Rothstein referenced a highly cited article by Erica Shenoy, chief of infection control for Mass General Brigham, that said that by obscuring facial expressions, masks negatively impact “human connection, trust and perception of empathy.” But, Rothstein says, the opposite is true. “When a healthcare provider refuses to wear a mask at the request of an at-risk patient, nothing can destroy trust more than that.” Rothstein adds, “One of the most important sections of the AMA code of ethics is section 10.015, which says the relationship between patient and physician is based on trust and gives rise to physicians’ obligations to place patient welfare above obligations to other groups.”

Doron Dorfman, L.L.B., J.S.D, a professor at Seton Hall Law School, described the hospital’s stance as “a little bit outrageous.” He explained, “But if the hospital's claim is that you cannot force a third person to do something to accommodate a person with a disability, that's absolutely false as well. So many courts accepted the idea of a no smoking policy that requires other people in the workplace not to smoke as an accommodation. It's very common to have people with food allergy that have an accommodation for other people not to bring allergic foods into the workplace or into school.” Similarly, regarding staff rights preempting that of the patient, Dorfman added, “There is not a right to refuse someone a disability accommodation.”

Wendy Parmet is a professor and expert on disability and public health law. She noted that hospitals all have translators now. “There should be some kind of analogous process” for patients who are requesting masking accommodations, she said, adding that a big problem with MGB is “that they don't have the processes in place” to prevent this kind of problem. Once they have the procedures outlined, then all staff should be educated. “What we want is a training program and some procedures in place because your phlebotomist should not be left to think that they can make this decision on their own.”

Boston To The San Francisco Bay The problem of getting healthcare providers to mask in response to their patients’ request is by no means limited to Boston. This type of refusal of disabled patients’ requests is also notably coming from University of California San Francisco, another leader in influencing policy.

Alice Wong is the founder and director of the Disability Visibility Project. She has multiple medical issues, including having a tracheostomy and a breathing tube in her neck. Wong recently required hospitalization in UCSF’s Moffitt/Long Hospital. She wrote a compelling essay in Teen Vogue, “Covid Isn’t Going Anywhere. Masking Up Could Save My Life.” After her January experiences in the emergency room and ICU, she wrote about her nightmarish experiences along with extensive recommendations for improving patient safety.

Senior and Disability Action, a community organizing group fighting for the rights of seniors and people with disabilities, has recently met with UCSF leadership to provide safe access to healthcare, especially for seniors and people with disabilities, who are being disproportionately affected by Covid-19. SDA’s Allegra Heath-Stout, director of emergent campaigns, said they met with UCSF leaders in October and January with a list of requests. This included that masking by health care workers continue after April, when the city’s health order requiring masking ends. UCSF,which did not respond to a request for comment on specific issues, also did not respond favorably to SDA’s requested Covid-19 safety-related accommodations, such as staff wearing an N-95 for particularly vulnerable patients or allowing immunosuppressed post-operative patients to recover in a separate room without unmasked patients, according to sources.

SDA member Beth Kenny says they encounter similar problems at Kaiser Permanente. Kenny said their physician told them not to be inside with unmasked people, yet Kaiser does not allow patients to wait outside until being called rather than in crowded waiting rooms. Kaiser also denied Kenny’s request to have labs drawn at home by a visiting nurse, so they have risked their health by skipping monthly labs.

“We support any individual who wishes to voluntarily wear a mask and to reasonably request their health care provider also wear a mask,” Kaiser said in an email.

Another SDA member observed that what UCSF does “seems to really set the tone for the Bay Area and the rest of the country in terms of what precautions are taken.”

Modest Requests What Christine and the other patients I’ve spoken with want seems eminently reasonable. MGB, UCSF, and others could start with a user-friendly system in place for patients to make requests. The ADA request should be readily visible to the staff—a flag on the patient’s electronic medical record or, in the old days, a colored tape on the patient’s chart.

As Link said, “I never thought that Harvard's teaching hospital would care so little for lives like mine.” She surmises, “It's the same kind of hostility and apathy that people with disabilities have long experienced that tells us that we are burdens, that we should pipe down and not concern ourselves with equity because our lives are not as valuable as nondisabled people.”

Neither MGB, UCSF, nor Kaiser responded to specific, detailed questions as of the time of posting.

[thedisablednaturalist]

Hey so I've been using methods used by autistic people and it's actually really helping? Like carrying around a comfort item, wearing the same clothes at least most days (having multiple pairs), using aids to keep me from being overstimulated, eating the same thing everyday for lunch, having my morning routine, etc. My brother is autistic and got diagnosed really early, and I wasn't (afab people are a lot less likely to get evaluated and diagnosed) so I've never felt comfortable calling myself autistic. But being at home with my brother has shown me that we share a lot of similar traits, like getting overstimulated, not being able to touch certain things, needing time away from uncertain social situations, eating the same thing over and over, stimming, etc. I had meltdowns when I was younger but learned to control them because it was expected of me and if I melted down I would be punished more severely. I also get special interests and hyperfixations and I tend to over explain things (I like to explain concepts and ideas in multiple different ways) but I thought it was cause of my adhd. I think the biggest sign is that I have like, an eye contact rhythm? Like I focus really hard on how much eye contact I should do because I've been teased for not making eye contact before. I also get hyper aware of my own body language and am very oblivious to others unless its a really drastic expression (I used to stare at those expression magnets they gave my brother). I would go over my friends interests and dislikes and even considered having a notebook and writing down little biographies but was afraid that'd make me a creep. I have different "masks" I think for different people, and always feel like I'm putting on a performance. I used to think I was a robot and would imagine manually switching modes in my head. I also get extremely overwhelmed by sound and smell and have a strong aversion to eggs. I don't like being touched except by certain people and I don't like multiple people touching me at once (I hate cuddle piles and crowds).

I always thought I couldn't be autistic because I'm very empathetic and am affected greatly by other peoples emotions. If someone is angry I feel angry, if someone is sad I feel sad, etc. I also can read people well I think?

Could autistic people weigh in? I've been told I'm probably autistic but it might just be I have acute adhd.

[sparkleboiswagger]

I think it could very well be plausible that if Chuuya died, (please Chuuya please die), Dazai would cry.

Every time I mention the possibility of Dazai crying if Chuuya died, everyone gets mad at me lol. So please let me explain myself. -This is simply my interpretation of Dazai's character, but I'm open to criticism and discussion cuz I think its fun and I like gaining new understandings of characters like that.- Also to preface this, this is my ideal situation of how Chuuya would perma die

I want Chuuya to think Dazai's dead, but the readers know he isnt, so Chuuya goes absolutely apeshit with corruption and Dazai has to watch, unable to get there in time until Chuuya's body dies. By the time Dazai gets there, he's able to turn him back in time for Chuuya to call him an idiot, and then dies in Dazai's arms For the angst, y'know? ANYWAYS

Reason 1: Dazai is a lot more emotionally there than he was when Oda died I know Dazai didn't cry when Oda died. I'm not suggesting Chuuya means more to him than Oda (I think he's important to Dazai for different reasons, not more or less important), but when Dazai was in the mafia he wasn't in a place where he was able to feel emotions. He was completely shut down and emotionless. He's been out of the mafia for 4 years, and though old habits die hard, I think you can reasonably conclude he's allowed himself to feel more. Especially with Atsushi, you can see how he's changed over the seasons. Looking back at the Dark Era is especially chilling because of this. He's found comfort and safety in good people, learned to rely on them, and overall grown "happier"

Reason 2: Dazai is scared right now. I'm fairly certain I've seen more honest expressions on his face in the recent chapters than we have in the whole series /ex Dazai is either not even bothering to hide his emotions, or he's so stressed that he cannot keep the mask up right now. Either way, he's likely scared of losing Atsushi, or Kunikida, or another person he cares about again. Intense negative emotions followed by a loss he likely isn't even considering as possibility very well could make him snap.

Reason 3: Chuuya is the last person still there who was there during the most messed up times of his life. Its not just the death of Chuuya, it would be the compounding effects of everything. Oda is dead. Ango betrayed him. He was Chuuya's safety, the one person who could bring him down and back to reality in a very literal sense, and Chuuya was the same to him, but more in regards to life and his emotions (imo). And if he died from corruption while Dazai watched, he would have failed Chuuya. Reason 4: It would be an interesting way to show his development, if it was written to parallel Oda's death I think if he was able to shed even one tear for Chuuya, it would show how much he'd evolved. More than anything, more than I want him to cry in mourning for Chuuya, I'd like to see him cry in front of Kunikida and Atsushi. Also yes I think Kunikida is coming back, Asagiri cannot commit to a death for the life of him

If the fan theories of Dazai being forced back into the mafia are true, Chuuya's death would just add a layer of cruelty to that. He'd have to go back to where he was before, without any of the people there who helped him through it, after finally finding some semblance of peace and normalcy IN CONCLUSION Am I a bit Soukoku brained? Yeah sure. But thats only a part of why I would like this. Dazai crying would be beautifully devastating, depending on how it was written. I don't necessarily think it would happen in canon, but I don't think its impossible. Also I'm sure theres a lot I misunderstood about Dazai, I've only been analyzing him for a few months and I am admittedly much more obsessed with Chuuya lol, please share your takes unless its just that Dazai doesn't actually care about Chuuya in canon cuz thats a load of bull <3

[kaddyssammlung]

Im the stc lore anon. Im very aware of the old interviews. In fact thats exactly part of why i get so frustrated with the fan interpretations of lore. Because its one of the things in my view that debunks the romance about sleep theories. Its just very frustrating feeling so strongly about my theory the fan lore is not canon while seemingly most of the fandom assumes the fan lore is absolutely 100 percent canon and just needs some more puzzle pieces to unluck the True Story. I used to believe the fanmade lore, but i no longer can do so especially when ive seen various bits of concerning behavior in the fandom where i think people take it wayyy too far. I think the only "canon" interpretation of the lyrics is the real person behind the masks life story, otherwise theres no "canon" and we are supposed to do whatever we want. But i think things have just gotten wayyy out of control with the its about a romance with sleep theory. What makes me actually hate it is how much people insist the people on stage are "characters" (i regularly see disclaimers saying "dont worry im just talking about the characters not the real people" when i really dont think they are "characters" in the way people think... this is not an anti fanfic/shipping/headcanon about real people stance btw i dont care about that as long as you dont go too far, i just dont like the insistence theyre "characters" because that feels so dehumanizing) and how rude people are if you dont agree with the fanlore (the vitriol aimed at alternate interpretations is really disgusting, especially the "why are sexualizing the lyrics, youre a bad person" crowds vitriol and insistence theyre the Good Fans while if you dont agree you deserve awful things). Otherwise, i just get *personally* annoyed with how often i come across the "its totally canon that its about sleep theories" when i dont want to *personally* hear those theories at all. I hope im making sense, and maybe im being an asshole in how im expressing my views idk. I just really feel like an outsider in this fandom and get so happy when i come across people who actually agree with me because it makes me feel less alone and like im not stupid or whatever. Just have fun, let the music mean something special to you, and remember the band (and their fans for that matter, going back to the vitriol thing) are human beings, thats what ultimately matters. I just think the lore as the fans see it has gotten into concerning territory. Wont leave any more anons about this for now because i dont want to drag this out more, i just saw your replies/post and wanted to respond in hopes what im trying to say will finally come out right (im not always the best with words, im very blunt, im very opinionated, etc)

Good Morning or Guten Morgen or Happy Timezone

I get your point and I don't think that you're an asshole.

I think you are struggling with something that many struggle and the fans that you call out also struggle with that: it's acceptance. Or accepting what is; in that case it's fan's who act a certain way or have different opinions or see things in a different way.

Acceptance is a mastery. It's something that is very hard to achieve.

Your situation reminds me of something that I could not accept for a long time in that fandom. So I'm going to talk about that.

This will probably be a long post so I'm hiding this and also mental health topics will come up.

I always had this assumption that everyone could see what I see when I look at Vessel. I'm talking concerts photos and “peeled Vessel” and the things that get revealed when the paint comes down. To me his scars are one of the few things that I can observe and so can everyone else, right?! There are so many even the ones from a certain attempt on both his right and his left forearm.

Well...right?! They are right in your face....

No! They are right in my face. I got into weird arguments about this topic. Which is a weird thing to argue about because this topic is a very painful one and also a strange one. There is a giant stigma around it. There are even “mental health professionals” on YouTube who refuse to talk about that topic and pretend that it does not exist because YouTube does not like these topics. It's a weird topic.

But it was exactly that what got me into the lyrics so much. I wanted to figure out the story behind what I could see.

All I found was myself and the parts of me that I denied that even existed. I stopped searching for the story and started to face myself instead.

I found a great new spiritual teacher because of that. She teaches acceptance and also sacred neutrality.

It's been almost a year now with her teachings and me finally accepting that not everyone can see what I see when I look at Vessel.

There will always be humans out there who call all of this an assumption. To them he did not self-harm and does not have scars from a certain attempt. To them that's an assumption while for me it's a fact.

Those fans are not worse then me and I'm not better then them. I can accept that they just have a different view on everything.

It's the same with lore interpretations or the way that some treat them in a (your words) dehumanizing way.

I can accept all that I just don't read it or interact with them. I let them have their view on things and I have my weird view on things.

I argued with fans that said things like: I don't even like their music or listen to their music but....

They are a thing, too btw.

When it comes to Sleep btw. To me it's an entity. They are very real btw. I learned how to deal with them, too. But I can totally understand that many humans out there just don't get topics like entities or idk...I mean I saw fairy-like beings right in front of me one day. 99% of humans would probably just say that I just made this up. I can understand that or rather I learned how to accept that.

When I first heard about Sleep I thought about that day and the fairies. I just thought...maybe that guy is a bit weird like me?!

We all had different experiences that shaped us. And also some fans really are just 14.

One of the reasons why I left the big Discord for example was because they allow all ages. I had an argument with a nine year old! That's when my alarm bells came online and I thought to myself: no...not okay! Some fans act a certain way because they are actual kids.

Like I said....I found a place within me to accept all that.

But it took a lot of facing myself to find that acceptance. And it's a process that is on-going.

Maybe this helps you...maybe not....maybe it clarifies something...maybe not.

I'm learning everything from her btw. It's energy work....energy work means you work with your soul, your higher self, higher dimensional beings....all theses things.

One thing that I forgot....accepting something and agreeing with it is not the same thing. I can totally disagree but still accept that something.

[antlered-angel]

New Ninjago OC just dropped

I wanted to try to make an Elemental Master of emotion but good lord i STRUGGLED with this design XD. I wanted to make it colorful and stand out, but balancing the literal rainbow in a design without making the colors an eyesore was hard. I managed to settle on this black and white outfit with hints of color and tbh i’m hella proud of it!

Say hello to Pathy, the Elemental Master of Empathy/Emotion. She is 19 years old and goes by she/her. She’s autistic and has a special interest in psychology and how brains work so she can better understand her abilities and how to use them. Her favorite media is Scott Pilgrim and she lowkey has a crush on Ramona Flowers (you can see the influences on her design lol)

For her personality, I imagine that she mimics the emotions of those around her as a point of reference since she herself has a hard time emoting and expressing herself. this doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel things, she does have feelings of her own the problem for Pathy is that she knows there are very certain expectations for how a person should react in certain situations and due to being autistic sometimes she tends to have the “wrong” response from what is expected. When the situation calls for it, she will break out of this in order to act in the way she feels is best, but usually goes back to being an emotional chameleon afterwards.

she wants to make friends but has a hard time doing so due to only unmasking when absolutely necessary. People rarely ever get to know the real her, usually just whatever mask she’s wearing to keep herself from being ridiculed or ostracized. Sometimes apathy wonders if she even knows who she is without the mask, and cue identity crisis.

Her powers let her harness the powers from emotions she’s feeling or those around her are feeling. She can “pull” them from others or “push” certain emotions onto others. In doing so, she’s able to turn emotional energy into something physical that gives off the effect of the emotion she’s harnessing. I’ll make a seperate post explaining how for each emotion!

Another ability her powers give her is that her eyes change color depending on what she herself is feeling or the emotion she’s harnessing. Yeah, this is where Inside Out became an influence on her design. While she externally expresses an emotional response that is expected of her or that is following the crowd, her eyes usually give away what she’s truly feeling. as a result, she tends to wear sunglasses in areas with a lot of people. She also has a sort of 6th sense that allows her to see other people’s eyes change based on their emotions like hers can. She knows it’s just a her thing though.

Hope y’all like her!

[hellsbellschime]

I just wanted to thank you so, so much for standing up for Jews right now. I can't express how much it means to me and the rest of the Jewish community that you're one of the few people who've actually gone to bat for us when everyone else went mask off ❤️

<3 honestly you shouldn't be thanking me because it's just the right thing to do, but the amount of antisemitism I have seen since 10/7 has been APPALLING and it's extremely scary. The people who went mask off REALLY went mask off, but there has also been so much stealth antisemitism in so much of the reaction and reporting that I've seen about the situation that it really threw me off and made me realize that I vastly underestimated how popular antisemitism still is.

Clearly, discussing Zionism in the past has REALLY not gone well for me, but the reaction toward it for me specifically and in general has always set off alarm bells that there was antisemitism baked in there which was trying to be passed off as anti-Zionism or anti-Israeli sentiment. But I feel like 10/7 was such a horrific revelation for Jewish people and allies because, at least for me, it was a revelation that for certain people, basically there is no limit to what you could do to an Israeli. There is no limit to what crimes or atrocities could be committed against someone because of where they lived or where they were born, and there is a really scary number of people who would paint that kind of atrocity as some kind of rebellious act of freedom. If you are calling literal babies colonizers and you are saying that the gang rape and mutilation of people's genitals is somehow an act of decolonization, you are trying to dress up your genocidal antisemitic POV with the veneer of some kind of social justice or moral righteousness.

But there are bigger fish to fry here that I think a lot of people are missing, which again further disturbs and upsets me. Because Jewish people should be able to just exist in the world, but the ebb and flow of antisemitism is also an exceptionally good indicator of when social and political upheaval is about to REALLY start fucking everyone's lives up. So again, people should be concerned about this because it's morally wrong, but they should also be concerned about it because Jewish people are also almost always just the first up to bat. Once we pass that critical point where antisemitism becomes socially acceptable again, it's almost always because we are at the beginning of a really hard downturn that is going to destroy a TON of people's lives. So the fact that so many people on the left and right are now united in the whole "oh wouldn't our lives be so much better if we could just take power away from the Jews" is a REALLY REALLY REALLY scary sign that should not be ignored.

And of course, the fact that the Israeli government actually does horrible shit makes this a much easier sell. There are a ton of very legitimate problems that need to be fixed and should absolutely be called out. But again, it's a very scary mindset to get drawn into, because yes you think you're a leftist and completely unaffected by the antisemitism that has been baked into our culture for literally thousands of years and you're on the right side because WELL THE JEWS ARE ACTUALLY BAD NOW. But what the hell do you think people thought in 1930s Europe? Do you think that they hated Jewish people just to hate them? Or do you think that they also genuinely believed that Jewish people were actually the problem then too?

It's heinous because 10/7 and the invasion of Gaza afterward is a perfect vector to hide antisemitism in, and it really seems to be working well. The overt antisemitism I've seen as well as the way more covert that I've seen has shocked me, and even though I'm not Jewish, I considered myself to be more aware than most that antisemitism is not even remotely a problem that's been relegated to the past.

But I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this because I am just a person who is capable of empathy and understands how fucked up it must be to experience this, while Jewish people actually have to experience it. The lack of pushback against pretty obvious antisemitism is really frightening, and again, the whole progression of what has happened is exceptionally cruel and offensive. You can support a free and democratic Palestine while condemning 10/7 (in fact I'd argue given that Hamas hasn't held elections in decades, it's a REQUIREMENT to condemn 10/7 if you genuinely support a free Palestine). You can acknowledge that Hamas is an outwardly stated and admitted antisemitic terrorist organization and 10/7 was an expressly antisemitic attack and fight for an end to the Israeli occupation of Palestine.

But the amount of pressure I've seen put on Jewish people specifically to go along with the complete reframing and minimization of 10/7, because actually if you live in Israel then you had it coming, and because the Palestinians have it worse you can't even take a moment to react emotionally to something truly horrific and traumatizing, and if you don't think exactly what we think you're one of the "bad ones," has been disturbing to watch. Your pain is incredibly valid and I know everything that has happened must be so difficult and isolating, but just know that you do have supporters out there, even if you deserve to have a lot more.

[jemmo]

Seonwoo is sooooo messy, I love it and hate it, he brings that drama but at what cost???? The way he kept teasing Junsung, GOD he’s so annoying I had to take a deep breath

this man. this fucking man. I don’t just wanna go out and say I can’t stand him but maybe I just do. idk. im also interested in him and the way he works even when those ways are so twisted, bc it’s like I can see where he’s come from and why he’s like this, a person that literally came out a week before the show in his 30s who has this outward persona and confidence and chatty and outgoing but he’s so unwilling to actually share his thoughts and feelings, it’s like I can see this huge void between what he presents and who he is and a need to please people mixed with who you are not being the normal thing people want seems to put all the puzzle pieces together.

that being said, it’s that thing of I can understand where you’re coming from and what your deal is but I can also objectively not like it. a reason is not an excuse, and when he sat with hyungjin and said I am what I am, that’s me, that changed my approach towards him then. before, I thought he needed someone to break through that exterior and help him take down that guard and get to the core of him, but now I’m more thinking ok that might be a part of it but I also don’t think how you behave is a mask, it’s part of you, and whatever you perceive yourself as, you don’t have a problem with, which makes things a bit easier for me bc now I don’t feel the need to reason his behaviour. his actions are his actions and I’ll see them now I see them.

so saying that… he’s a bitch. I don’t know if this is my roommates for endgame rose-tinted glasses, but his behaviour has bitchiness in it, the way he continually finds ways to bring up sungho to junsung, rub it in his face that he’s dated him while he hasn’t, it’s the hypocritical-ness of it all for me that’s the worst bc he said he’s uncomfortable in this love triangle situation continuously in ep 7, and yet he’s the one seeking out junsung to set themselves up as rivals. he’s the one at that table who called them rivals, and junsung is the one that said he doesn’t like competitiveness, doesn’t like tension. at this point, he seeks out junsung to talk about their rivalry more so than he seeks out sungho, the one he actually likes, to hang out with him. and I think I said in tags before, that this need to compete with junsung comes from jealousy and insecurity, bc he isn’t like junsung, and can’t bring himself to be. junsung is certain and steadfast and straightforward and bold and seonwoo can’t do any of that. he isn’t a person that can express himself that easily. and instead of explaining that difference to junsung and sungho, instead of seeing that difference, bc he sees it as an insecurity is why he twists it into this rivalry, a way to prove he can be all those things that junsung is, that he wants to be.

and it’s the way he acts this way, pushing this love triangle narrative, while still being the one talking to and keeping doors open to other people. like i can’t bear to watch yonghee anymore bc i adore him so much and I need seonwoo to cut that tie instead of keeping him tethered with this promise of id like to date you someday, bc when will the day come. I get that they haven’t had a chance, but so haven’t so many other people. so many of the pairs that are interested in each other, like sungho and junsung, like minsung and hyeongjun, haven’t dated, and yet their feelings and connections are strong. you don’t need a date for that, you can foster that in the house, and a date can then serve as a chance to check or affirm those feelings. seonwoo strings yonghee along like if only we had a chance to date, then I’d be able to see whether I’m interested or not, when they have had time, they’ve talked a lot, and I just want seonwoo to give him more than there’s maybe a chance of cut it off altogether bc he can know by now if there’s a feeling, he can give some indication of whether this is more than just returning kindness or feeling sorry or wanting to comfort him. and that maddens me, bc it keeps yonghee in this state of tunnel vision when there’s so many other people around him giving him kindness that he can’t see with those blinders on. but no, seonwoo will keep that flame alight only just while feeding into this love triangle and acting like he’s frustrated by it. like… dude if junsung wasn’t in the equation, you’d still be in a love triangle bc sungho is apparently not the only person you’re open to. you’d just be at the center of the love triangle, and is that what you want? this personality of being cowardly to share your feelings and make a move but instead wanting everyone to chase you and pursue you and have you at the center of everyone’s attention? I just can’t get behind that, that selfishness. and it makes me even more mad that he won’t acknowledge the fact that he’s a central figure in this house bc he has so many people interested in him and he won’t take on the responsibility of that place by properly addressing those interests. sungho has two people interested in him that he can’t decide between and it makes him feel stressed and awful. seonwoo had multiple people interested in him and he sleeps fine at night. it’s that difference that infuriated me, that he starts all these fires and won’t put any of them out. great for tv, great for drama, but as a person making decisions… nope.

and I think it’s very telling that hyungjin, his complete opposite, someone very honest with his feelings and straightforward that is still very personable… I think it’s very telling that I think he clocked onto him straight away. literally on their first date, the first time he met him, asking whether he was being nice to him out of affection or is he just nice to everyone. bc he saw that he is kind to a fault, to the point it purposefully obscures his true feelings and he very much said I’m not here for that, he’s off my list. and you saw that seonwoo gauged that and didn’t like it. he went to hyungjin and had it out bc he couldn’t handle someone not even not liking him, but not being interested in him, and I love that hyungjin told him straight. and sungho sees it now too and is getting mad at that constantly bright persona when he won’t sort out the situations he’s created. and I’m kinda like yes yes get mad and go find refuge in the calm and comfort of junsung pls.

bc the thing is I don’t want to see this as a rivalry. I want sungho to take time and make the decision himself bc he’s capable of that. he’s a person, not a prize, and he can like who he likes. but what got me was him saying he just wanted to go, get out and have fun, get away from the house and the drama of it. and that is drama that seonwoo has maybe not created but absolutely fostered, and made bigger (bc look at how comparatively less tense and heated the minsung love triangle is… which ofc seonwoo has to stick his nose into), and it’s junsung that says he wants to go and have fun too. it’s those things that keep affirming in me that sungho would find that kind of happiness with junsung. and I think the best thing for seonwoo is for him to be knocked down a peg or two, and have a good long look in the mirror and realise how hypocritical his behaviour is.

ok this rant turned out way wayyyy to long I hope you aren’t bored of me anon but I’ll put this under a read more to save your brain from my ramblings. but thank you for your ask and hit me up with whatever his man 2 anons you want bc clearly I have a lot of opinions and I ain’t afraid to share them

[prosciuttulipa]

Hello my dear, I want to try JJBA (part 3) match

• I am a girl and prefer men

• I am a very kind, caring and compassionate person but very insecure about myself and my abilities. I can have a temper, but I am pretty good at controlling myself

Though with strangers I am quiet and closed, but with people close to me I can relax and be as active, joking and goofy as I want to be. But if the situation calls for it I can get surprisingly tough

• About my likes and dislikes. I am obsolutely in love with animals (they are incredibly cute(≧▽≦)) and nature (open water, rain, wind make me smile)

But I really dislike cruel and dishonest people

About hobbies, my favourite music, anime/manga and cooking my favourite food is my life

• My love languages are definitely physical affection, words of affirmation and acts of service. I am a very affectionate person and really want my loved ones to be comfortable and happy

I accept any signs of love. Seriously, I cherish any sign of affection. But touch is very important to me

• The green flags in a relationship are a certain amount of care, attention to my and his feelings (I want to know that the relationship is going in the right direction and my partner likes everything as much as I do) and a good sense of humour (I really-really like jokes, but my sense of humour may not be understood by everyone(⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠))

To me deal breaker is cruelty to me or any other people/animals/children(I know they can be annoying but they are just kids), insults and disrespect to my family or my hobbies. These are the two most important things in my life and no one has the right to speak bad of them

• I am a short girl 159 centimetres / 5.21 feet, I have a large build with broad shoulders. I am not thin, but I only have a few extra pounds. I also have dark green eyes, thin pink lips, and shoulder length brown wavy hair

I'm afraid I wrote too much, sorry if something is unclear english is not my native language. Anyway thanks, I'll look forward to it(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

P.S Your posts are incredible, keep it up!

Congratulations! You have been matched with...

You and Jotaro are two peas in a pod: closed off around strangers but warmer to their loved ones, wielding a bit of a temper, and a preference for actions to convey love. On the outside, people might mistake you two as not being particularly caring of each other, but that's far from the truth.

Jotaro Kujo

The two of you would have a slow start to your relationship, making small talk over your favourite manga and anime. But as time goes on, the masks you both wear would drop, revealing two individuals who felt more comfortable revealing their odd senses of humor and tender hearts. He's taken aback by how much you love nature, and finds himself the chattiest he's ever been in his life, trading animal facts back and forth with you. You're the one who encourages him to get into marine biology, a dream that he had always kept to himself because he was afraid of how it would be received. When he comes over to visit you for the first time and finds that you've cooked for him, he has to duck under his hat to hide his touched expression.

Even before you get into a proper relationship with him, Jotaro shows his interest in you by allowing you into his personal bubble, not protesting when you cling to him or offer him hugs. When you two become official, he becomes a lot more forward with touching you. In public, he'll always have an arm loosely wrapped around you, wanting you safe and close; in private, he's a cuddle bug, often dragging you into his lap to press his face into your neck. Although he's not much for speaking, he's big on being honest, bluntly asking you if the relationship is going well, and answering your questions in turn.

Dates with him would often involve going out into spots of nature, enjoying the sights in comfortable silence. If the weather is bad, you're both happy to chill and watch anime together. Overall, Jotaro finds a safe haven with you, someone who mellows him out and reminds him of the good in the world.

The Matchmaker's Gift:

A simple melody with sincere lyrics, Jotaro finds you as a source of inspiration to better himself and find the good in the world.

You send Jotaro this as a reference to his love for everything marine. Rolling his eyes fondly, he saves it to his playlist.

Intense and slightly sad, Jotaro hopes this song conveys how he'll be with you till the end of the line.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #185

…I almost bashed poor J's brains in this morning. 😭

For context, J was out doing an overnight at Br's house (yay!!!). I had gone to sleep with M. And for whatever reason, I ended up with some kind of nightmare in which I was wandering the woods from a perspective that managed to be both first-person and third-person at the same exact time, trying to solve some kind of mystery, I think. I don't know how my brain managed to pull off two perspectives simultaneously, but it did. It seems like an impressive, but also very weird thing.

Anyway, in the dream, there was a murderer roaming through the woods in the night. I was trying to evacuate the people who were in the woods, and then capture the murderer. I was the investigator, and also, I… wasn't the investigator? I remember… somehow… stepping away from being inside the investigator, and leaving her idle for a time, and by the time I came back, she (I?) had already been murdered.

The murderer was… a Sweeper??? from Dead Cells??? Except instead of lumbering around slowly, it moved VERY fast, and it could just teleport to places sometimes.

…You can't parry those guys. It's very lame.

Anyway, I (she?) came back to life. And I wandered around the woods some more, looking for the same murderer and a weapon to defend myself with. Got caught and murdered a few more times, which really super sucked, since I retain full sensory capacity in my dreams, and these sorts of things are invariably painful.

After being murdered for like the 3rd or 4th time, I was in some kind of castle, and the perspective was top-down, and I was still looking for a weapon while being chased by the murderer, in the same way one's character sometimes gets chased by The Scissorman in a game called Clock Tower. If you wanna lose The Scissorman and not get murdered, you have to change screens a bunch of times. And so, I was trying to "change screens" to get away from the murderer (who was still a Sweeper) by going through doorways, or up and down stairs, or up and down ladders, because I knew that if it reached me, that was it, since I didn't have any kind of weapon.

Normally, I'm scared when I have dreams like this. But this time, which was interesting, I thought something like, "I can do this; I just have to focus." I did manage to get away. I woke up shortly after that. It was still dark out, and was hard to get back to sleep, but I managed.

Fast forward a few hours later. My phone alarm goes off at 7:30am. I hear rummaging around in my kitchen, and the footsteps sound too heavy to be any of my cats. M is still asleep next to me. J is supposed to be over at Br's house; normally he doesn't even wake up until around 9am or so, and last time he stayed overnight at Br's house, he didn't return home until the afternoon. I didn't know who the fuck was in my kitchen, but in my addled, just-after-waking, nightmare-fueled brain, I was certain that it wasn't M, J, or Br, so it must be some person I don't know, and as such, I was gonna go out there and make them regret waltzing into MY fucking house without an invitation, with goodness knows what kind of intentions.

…So I quietly took off my CPAP mask, didn't bother wasting time getting dressed, grabbed the blunt, heavy object that I keep at the side of my bed, and marched angrily to the source of the sound. The reason is simple: I'm sure you know that in situations like these, the best course of action is to get pissed instead of getting afraid. Anger produces boldness. Fear produces hesitation. I was gonna bash a motherfucker's brains in for having the audacity to think they could. So I rounded the corner with my arm raised and the blunt, heavy object in hand, prepared to strike with everything I was worth, and…

…It was J. And quite naturally, he screamed and fell to the floor, cowering and covering his head; I assume the position of my body and the expression on my face must have been ugly and terrifying. I was shocked that it was him, and frightened at the thought of mistakenly concussing someone I loved. I didn't hit him, thank goodness. But the fright that I produced within him left him stuck where he was - knelt on the floor, in a cowering position - for some time. As I'm sure you can imagine, I felt horrible about it, so I spent the next several minutes hugging him and apologizing profusely. After several long minutes of very tense anticipation, we both started laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

Uh… so on the bright side… if I ever do get some kind of intruder for real one of these days (goodness forbid!!), you and anyone who knows me well can rest assured in the knowledge that even if I lose, the other person sure as hell ain't gonna come away from an encounter with me unscathed, because I'm not the type to cower when push comes to shove. And… if I still have the element of surprise, the motherfucker had better watch out; the object I selected is unconventional, for sure, but there is no better implement for cracking skulls, I promise.

…Blegh… not too much time has passed since the incident described above, and my body is still all tingly and crackling with energy. I'm eager for the sensation to go away; I gotta go fill out that I-9 stuff soon…

...

…aaaand I'm back. I filled out the I-9 stuff! It's done. It's over. And I don't gotta worry about it anymore! I go in for orientation on the 26th, which is the day before I get those 4 teeth yanked out to make room for the braces to fix the inside of my face. I did the scary thing, and doing the scary thing means I get treats, so I got several especially tasty-looking cuts of meat on the way out of the grocery store!!

Holy cow, it's a lot of big changes in very short order - kind of a nightmare for an autistic person such as myself, ahahaha… But I'll manage. I always do. It won't kill me. It'll just be very uncomfortable until I adjust. And I will adjust. After all, I've managed to adjust to far worse things that I never should have had to adjust to.

But that's okay. Br's gonna visit later today, and then stay the night!!! I will probably cook the meat when she gets here! I got sausages, lamb bits with bone in them, pork ribs, and a steak!! I can't wait to put the bones in my broth bag!!! I should be able to make a broth very soon; I certainly have enough veggie scraps for it by now, goodness me!!

I made myself a tea after I put the things in the fridge. This one is the vanilla rose tea that I think you'd really like if I could share it with you; I sweetened it with milk and honey. But as much as I want to, I still can't share it with you, so I'll send along today's swirls instead.

I really do love watching the brewing tea swirling in the water; it's a really neat effect.

This one resolves into a gorgeous ruby red:

Then you add the honey and milk...

...And then fluid dynamics make it resolve into beautiful layers:

Of course, I stirred it up from here. The results were decadent. Hot damn but I wish I could make you some tea. I have so many different kinds...

I spent a lot of time today talking to a new friend, and it was wonderful! And then, sometime after Br arrived at my house, I began cooking all the meat I brought back home from the grocery store! I seasoned it all with that combination of salt, pepper, paprika, and garlic powder that I love so much:

...And here's how it all turned out when it was done:

I wanted to be able to feed the people I love; for me, there's no feeling much better than that! And they were indeed fed plenty; we still have leftovers from our last meal - there is still salad, mashed potatoes, mushrooms, asparagus, and hollandaise sauce. I had a great time gnawing on the lamb bones and the pork rib bones!! These have all sorts of nice cartilage on them, and my body craves the collagen in the cartilage all the time...

As you might guess, the bones go into broth bags for later use. Waste not, want not, for sure!!

...I wish I could have shared this with you.

Oh! And!! We had a thunderstorm today! I took a video of it for you, just in case you might like the sound:

...This is my postage-stamp-sized "backyard". The netting exists so that our cats don't hop the fence when they wanna go out. They are, as a result, indoor cats that still get to enjoy the outdoors. Except for when it's raining, and then sometimes they'll look forlornly at the sky and meow at me as though I can snap my fingers and turn off the rain just as easily as I can turn off the lights in my house, hahaha!

...Goodness me, but we really must seem godlike to our non-human companions in some ways, huh...?

Well. I don't got much else to say for the moment, so I'll end this here. I'm gonna work on building the thing, unless I get sucked up into leisure writing. We'll see...

I love you. Make good choices out there, okay? And please stay safe. I'll write again tomorrow...

Your friend, Lumine

[the-charlie-ryan-saga]

OOooooo! Can you elaborate on Zorran's and Zip's autism? Zip I feel like he would be on the spectrum but I'm not a doctor so I wouldn't know what to give him. But Zorran? I'm really interested to hear about your interpretation. Your art is gorgeous by the way, keep up the amazing work!

TW // Masking, religious trauma, just talk of trauma in general, talk of autism (that can be a trigger, putting just in case),

NOTE: This is all coming from an autistic person myself, so I am familiar with most symptoms than some. I'm also no doctor as well, so please take this with a grain of salt. I'm also sorry if this sounds messy and has tons of typos, I just woke up from a nasty dream, but it's okay.

All of these are headcanon and bound to change, but it was still fun writing nonetheless. I love overanalyzing characters.

Canonically, he's shows to not understand things from first level perspective, and even if given further detail he still doesn't understand. You need to be precise and explain yourself more when giving him instruction or talking with him because he's bound to misinterpret.

Zip is the easiest so I'll start with him:

Zip has also been shown to misuse terms. Devious is the one, and he loves it. Even after knowing the definition and the purpose of the word, he still uses it from time to time. It's sort of his love language or go-to word when things get hard to explain, so if he calls you devious, it's sort of an award for you because he likes you.

Zip has also been shown to misinterpret tone, and use the inappropriate mindset in certain situations. One situation that was definitely imminent was between the talk with Zorran, Zak, and Zip and Captain Zero. "What kind of idiots do I have working for me?" This mother fucker literally replies with confidence, "Really devious! >:D"

Like with the first point, you need to be precise with him, and state your intentions so confusion doesn't set.

Zip doesn't mask, nor does he know how to. Because of that, he's the one that stands out more. He's tried to but doesn't know where to start. He never gotten the support autistic people need due to religious trauma. He was really prone to autistic meltdowns because of this lack of support. Luckily, as an adult, he's learned how to control them more. Whenever he feels overwhelmed, he was a tangle named Rapunzel.

Out of all the Z-Stacks, even Ten Cents, Zug understands Zip's autism the most. He knows what to do when Zip got overstimulated or overwhelmed, and he knows what to do when Zip was super confused to the point he started heavily stimming. Zug can just instantly tell, and he just doesn't know if it's the paranoia speaking or if he genuinely has a keen eye for people's behaviors.

Even though it sounds so dumb, Zip has a special interest for astronomy. He'd ramble on and on about the stars, and the types of stars there are. He'd tell you about everything in the universe. Zip might have another special interest in Vikings and sailboats. If he ever visited, he'd listen for hours to Captain Star about the sailboats and the Vikings, gaining knowledge and he'd ramble to either Zug or Ten Cents.

He might even vibe with Zebedee with the topic. He rambles to him, and the Harbor tug replies with a historical fact about them and Zip just goes "woowwwww. :0"

(Zebedee is a history buff in my eyes.)

•••

Zip does daydream a lot, hencing one of his face sheets. He daydreams about a lot of things. Like how the day would go, a ton of scripted events flowing through his head, and maybe even some things he enjoyed. It stunts him a lot during work, but it helps him get through the day.

Zip definitely doesn't know how to properly express his emotions. This is called alexithymia, where you cannot identify or express your emotions properly unlike someone who can. It leads to a lot of discomfort and confusion. Zip definitely has that discomfort and confusion part. Self-projecting a little bit, whenever he feels something he cannot identify, there's a heaviness in his chest, and it feels like waking in cheese and jelly (imagine how thick it'd be).

As someone who does have alexithymia, it is absolutely abysmal, and I envy those who can identify what their emotions are or what they're feeling.

Now onto Zorran:

Zorran is more complex with his disorder. I'll go into the canonical things I noticed from him.

Canonically, he can get really upset if his plans never follow through. I think this is apparent in Sunshine whenever he tried to connect the dots on how he was seen. It doesn't help that Captain Zero said not to argue with him, and just accept that he was seen.

I also wanna add onto the fact that autistic people have a hard time noticing their surroundings, and thinking about the true consequences of actions thanks to scripted events. It hurts like an ant, but it happens, no matter how hard to try to be mindful.

Zorran is also oddly ... smart. He has a good sense of direction on his plans, and interprets things differently. It's shown nearly ... well, everywhere. I think as an escapism and a special interest Zorran would plan random scenarios in his head. This special interest would sometimes flow into things that don't need planning.

The wonderful @brownsugar-chan also said that Zorran's special interest would be chess. I can agree! I think that might even feed into his special interest of planning. If chess is one of his special interests and combined with planning, he'd definitely win a lot of chess championships in school.

Zorran definitely has tone problems; whenever he talks, he sounds very aggressive and upset. He also has a confident tone in his voice, maybe even sometimes during times where he shouldn't be. I like to think that if he was talking with you in general, and you never knew that most of the time he spoke with this influx, you'd probably think he would be arguing with you, even though it isn't his intent.

He also tends to have a weird infliction in his voice if you listen carefully. No I'm not talking about his accent, it's just how sometimes he delivers his lines. It could be considered as weird or uncalled for. As someone who has that weird infliction in their voice, it sucks, and sometimes outsiders will think you are weird or too aggressive. I bet Zorran could agree.

Zorran does seem to have a weird way of experiencing and showcasing empathy. Another common thing of alexithymia is when someone cannot express empathy properly, and when they try to, they seem heartless or apathetic. We see this in Munitions, especially during the Puffa scene, and when Ten Cents went for the barge before it blew up.

Other common side affects of this can be confusion and discomfort, but also anger and outbursts. Definitely Zorran has the aggressive side of things. While he might not mean harm, he does seem apathetic from an outsider's perspective.

Onto more headcanon things, Zorran does mask, a lot. He's pretty good at it. It does have his toll on him, however, and he feels ashamed of it. When alone where he can unmask, he has massive stim attacks. Do you know that weird feeling in your arms if you don't stim for a while. Imagine that, but you have to ignore that for a while, like a whole day. I think people who mask understand that a lot, and I feel so sorry for those people.

Zorran is definitely undiagnosed, or at least late diagnosed. Before being diagnosed, he felt so ashamed of his symptoms thanks to his mother and being a gifted kid. He learned how to mask over the years, but it was hard at first.

Nobody knows about his symptoms, not even his two bestest friends in the entire universe, Zebedee and Zak. This was during the time he didn't know that those two were also neurodivergent (Zebedee has PTSD, Zak has depression on the aggressive side). Whenever they do find out, it was during one of his stim attacks, and ya know, those two supported him and helped him through it.

Zorran does daydream a lot. Not as much as Zip, but still daydreams. You can tell if he seemingly just stares into space, at nothing if he is in daydream mode. He daydreams about the plans in his head, like stated before, and scripted events.

The only stim he's watered himself down to is to bounce his leg, and that's about it. However, he does have a pocket knife, and he twirls it around his fingers, sort of like a stim so yeah.

Zorran and Zip definitely had some heart to heart moments. Taly did propose that Zip gave Zorran his tangle, and Zorran fell in love with it before breaking it. Zip had to explain to him that he can put it back together, and Zorran was like "...Oh."

•••

I think that about wraps up this post. Thank you to anyone who read it. It took me so long to write it. If y'all have anymore questions let me know. :)

[mayxthexforce]

Some Of You In Me || Leia & Vader

Plotted starter for @corruptedforce

Leia still didn't understand why she'd been taken from Alderaan. She wasn't naive– in fact, she was far more aware of certain things than most kids her age were or should be, not only because she was smart, but also because she was the princess of Alderaan, daughter of the queen and the senator. Leia had to sit through talks about what to expect if she was ever kidnapped more times than she cared to keep track of, and she knew her kidnappers should be asking for ransom. But they weren't negotiating for ransom, nor contacting her parents at all.

Then came Ben into the picture. He'd gotten her out of a bad situation, but that didn't mean Leia trusted him. She'd run away as soon as she had a chance, even as her face and his took over every device with the capacity to produce an holographic image.

So now there was a whole planet of bounty hunters, mercenaries, and just every person who wanted some easy money through amoral means, chasing after her, along with the man who claimed to have been sent after her by his father. But it wasn't the scum of the planet who reached her, nor was it Ben. It was a group of large, bulky, flat-faced aliens apparently far more determined to get her, and much harder to lose. Leia was just a child, she had short legs, and just one of those people's legs was a little taller than the length of her body. She couldn't compete with that.

She turned a corner into another alley, and ended up in a dead-end. When they reached her, they approached menacingly, the largest one —seemingly the leader— began to question her about Ben, promising not to hurt her if she gave them useful information. But then his nostrils moved, beady eyes going wide as he breathed in her scent. He dropped to one knee heavily, the other ones approaching, repeating the action of sniffing the air, and showing not hesitation to fall down to one knee along with their leader.

"Lady Vader." they called her in unison, tone reverential.

One of the bounty hunters made it to the same alley as them, Leia's blood ran cold as a blaster pointed her way. But it took that slight twist of fear in her expression for her 'new subjects' to jump into action. They charged against the bounty hunter, showing no mercy in their attack. It was vicious, forcing the child princess to look away, squeezing her eyes shut and covering her ears until the leader approached her once more, slamming one large —and now bloody— fist against his broad chest.

"Lady Vader," he addressed her with such respect. "I am Ezrakh of the Gengh-Noghri people. Your safety is now our life goal."

Leia had no idea what was going on. But she wasn't about to complain- no, she would make the best out of her current situation. Besides, she didn't take kindly to being kidnapped, nor did she understand why they called her Lady Vader. She wanted answers, and she'd get them. No matter where her search for answers took her.

Though, if she had to guess, it seemed these Noghri would lead her to safety.

They led her through the crowded streets, showing just how much they meant their statement about her safety being their life goal, calling the name of Lord Vader and threatening to bring his wrath down upon the land whenever someone attempted to stop them, until they reached a ship. This time, Leia wasn't put in a cell, but sat in a corner of the cockpit, with at least one pair of beady eyes on her at all times while Ezrakh moved to the comm room, contacting the only man the Noghri took orders from.

"Lord Vader," he addressed the masked man with the same respect he'd shown his offspring. "Our mission has been a success. Your child has been retrieved unharmed."

[dilutedapplejuice]

I expanded on this a bit (read: like 1000+ words).

TW: mentions of manipulation and gaslighting, non-graphic descriptions of mildly toxic relationships/people, mentions of ableism against autistic people

I hope this organization makes sense lol

I’m not only gullible:

-I take everything at face value. I consistently miss cues that someone might have ulterior motives (flirting, lying, gaslighting, etc) due to various issues (auditory processing disorder, disinterest in most conversation topics, zoning out, poor eye contact, trouble understanding body language and facial expression in the moment, etc). I’m often surprised when people talk shit about other people who they were so nice to in person.

-I can’t really “read the room.” I understand most of tone, but not the subtext. I just assume people have good intentions and will be direct with me if they have something they want. I know it doesn’t always work like that but I literally can’t process social situations any other way.

-I need extra time to process information. This includes my own thoughts and feelings. It also means I can’t really hold my own in an argument unless I’ve thought about it a LOT beforehand.

-I have a whole lot of compassion (whether or not it’s empathy is debatable). I can almost ALWAYS understand why other people act certain ways. Regardless of how genuine they are, regardless of how much they’re hurting me.

-I have it in my core beliefs to be open-minded. For me, that means I am always working to understand others’ POV. Even with religion and politics. Even when they’re not listening to my side.

-I tend to ruminate. When I hear something that challenges my worldview, I can’t just ignore it. I end up spiraling and questioning everything for a few days (while developing some very mild depression), during which I am very vulnerable to manipulation if it’s done right.

-My memory is truly poor. I forget details, especially when it comes to people. My emotions and sense of self are naturally volatile. Someone can be incredibly manipulative and I can feel the effects of it and be determined to stand up for myself the next time I see them, but by the next time it’s already forgiven and forgotten. I get imposter syndrome, and it gets worse when people make mean comments about me. All this makes it easy for others to gaslight me if I’m not careful.

-I tend to overshare. It’s part of my communication style and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But it gives others ammunition. I can hold back on this as a part of masking but it feels so static and sad- luckily I know all my close friends well enough to be able to overshare with few consequences.

-Guilt tripping really works on me. I hate not being helpful and taking up space; probably a result of growing up autistic and AFAB…

-Struggles setting boundaries. Yeah… same reasons as guilt tripping, plus I feel happy to give myself away. Some call it selflessness, idk what it really is.

-Black and white thinking makes it hard to see nuance in people. If it doesn’t fit my narrative of them I tend to go into a spiral about it (mentioned earlier lol). People are perfect until they’re not.

-I don’t understand drama and gossip. At all.

So yeah, it’s a lot.

I have been taken advantage of before. Nothing too serious:

-My first memory of being “manipulated” is my sister telling me that it says “gullible” on the ceiling and I looked up. I don’t think I actually got the joke until like 5 minutes later either so that’s just more proof. /lh

-I was once in a toxic friendship with someone in middle school. She would say mean things to me and it really made me upset, but I also had a lot of compassion and I knew she was also hurting. I stopped being friends with her but I felt bad about it for a few years. I think I also thought I was the mean one for a while, but idk if that was just my poor memory or gaslighting.

-There were 2 neighbors that only talked to me to play on my trampoline. I never had fun but they didn’t care much. I ended up kicking them out a week later after lots of deliberation and guilt, because it was getting cold outside and I would rather have been watching anime.

-I realized late freshman year of high school that my dad was low key queerphobic and verbally abusive to my family. I had to pick my words carefully not to make him angry sometimes, and I know my mom, sister, and brother did too. He’s probably autistic and internalized it in a “toxic masculinity” way. He’s gotten better about it, especially with me, but he still says some ableist and queerphobic things. My relationship with him is complicated but I can simultaneously understand some of his mentality, feel misunderstood by him, love him, and desperately want him to change without erasing his personality. It’s rough.

-My mom is aphobic and transphobic, and I thought she was perfect until a few months ago (despite her explicitly saying things like “you’ll find the right person” and getting nervous about me rooming with trans women…..)

-My sister says some ableist things about mental health and makes little effort to understand me. She has strong opinions and doesn’t give me much opportunity to form my own opinions or defend my own views. She views arguments and debate as a fight or a law case to win.

-Most recently, I was on a trip with some friends and apparently one of them was being passive aggressive and mean, and when she left everyone else started shit talking her. I only noticed one passive aggressive comment and decided to overlook it. I was really surprised to hear she had been rude a lot that time. I didn’t notice those cues and thought she was being normal. I then went towards being worried about her because she’s usually not like that, while my friend started bashing her character. I didn’t really say anything because I was still going through my memories of the trip to see if she had been mean or anything, then trying to form my own opinion on it, then decide if I should reach out to see if she was doing okay, then decide whether I wanted to tell my other friends to have more compassion (I’ve been put down for not agreeing with shit talk before. It sucks), then wondering if I was just overthinking it. That’s a lot to process and I only understand all that stuff a few hours later.

-and there’s plenty of other small examples, especially relating to my family.

Okay that’s about all I can really explain it right now. Basically I just don’t understand subtext in a functional way. Good thing I only have like 5 close friends and am aroace haha…….

Hmmmm. I’ve always known I’m gullible, but it’s only recently that I’ve realized the extent…

[youn9racha]

URMUSE.COM

pairing: sex worker!chan x afab client!reader

genre: smut

synopsis: your friends pity you for your lack of sex life and constant sexual frustration, so one of them offered a program where one could possibly make your fantasy a reality.

warning/disclaimer: chan is referred to as chris/christopher, mentions of sex work, "anonymous"/masked sex, piv, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap), whiny and shy sub!chan, insecure dom!reader, slight auralism/voice kink, oral sex, restraints, slight cum play, mentions of dacryphilia and cnc, edging, discussions of safe words (but not used), mentions of poly!minho and open relationships, labels (mistress/pup/good boy/etc.), praise, some cock slapping, felix being a flirt, reader goes by she/her, straight up porn with a little bit of a plot (but not really).

words: 5.5k

a/n: heavily inspired by that one thought i had and also @h0neydewmoon encouraged me with this filth so that’s that. i haven’t written straight up pwp in a bit, i didn’t really intend to make another chan smut (especially since most my work is chan related) but here we are once again. also, i'm sorry if there are some inaccuracies to anything when it comes to subjects of sex work. i tried my best to research, but if there's any inaccuracy, please respectfully call me out on it and i'll fix it up, but otherwise this is fictional so hope thats okay🙏🙏

taglist: @ethereallino, @h0neydewmoon, @lix-ables, @nightlychans

This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

The nightlife was soaring outside your apartment complex, you could almost hear the techno music blaring outside as the active night parties illuminates the futuristic city you live in. Skyscrapers project exciting ads and trailers mixing with the sounds of laughs and singing livened the city. It wasn’t like there was a holiday or anything of that sort, it was a regular weekend for everyone—it’s commonly known as the nights of the youngs as proclaimed by the party locals.

but you couldn’t be bothered to participate the night, unfortunately, as you sigh away your misery on Hyunjin’s thighs as you vent about your sex life, while your other friend, Minho, and Hyunjin just nod at your frustration as they listen attentively to you. You weren’t necessarily a prude or a virgin; you just happened to have bad luck when it comes to hooking up. It is ironic how you live in the city of parties yet have no game in the hooking up scene.

It wasn’t that you were against it, or afraid of people; you were merely scared of your fantasies and the judgments you would get. You never really had the safest concept in terms of what happens in the bedrooms, and you almost always happen to stay behind the rails to not scare away whoever your sex partner is. While you acknowledge that you don’t live in an era where expressing yourself was a sin, you still must be cautious about certain triggers one could have.

Minho and Hyunjin were very understanding and often try to let you know that there’s nothing with expressing yourself, but you were still very shy and maintained a shell tough to crack.

“How about we do it for you? I’m sure Hyunjin’s down for a threesome,” Minho once commented making you cringe at his statement and Hyunjin just widened his eyes at him shocked at the abrupt comment. You could never see yourself in that situation. Yes, the two men are good-looking and are—in your humble opinion—fuckable men for a lack of a better word, but you still can’t put yourself in friends with benefits situation with either.

And even if you didn’t care for that situation and the offer was up, it wasn’t like it’s going to do you any solid because Minho was in a committed relationship, and you weren’t about to be a homewrecker of a friend, meanwhile, Hyunjin was sort of “holding himself back” or whatever that meant. Either way, you wouldn’t take either in a heartbeat, no matter how desperate you may be; like how you are right now.

“(y/n), there is many fish in the sea who are willing to go through whatever kinks you’re into,” Minho said, speaking as if he was stating a common fact, while Hyunjin agrees as he twirls your hair, “yeah, you’re also really attractive, I feel like anyone would give you a pass,” Hyunjin adds.

You shook your head, “no, I can’t, I’m scared to make one freak out from my elaborate fantasies.”

“C’mon, I bet they’re not bad,” Hyunjin said, you got up and looked up at Hyunjin, “would you fuck someone to the point they’d start tearing up and telling you to stop but you still carry on either way because their helpless cries turn you on?”

Hyunjin just widened his eyes, attempting to process your questions as he stumbles and huffs out an answer.

“I would,” Minho affirms.

“You have a partner, Lino.” You grumbled, throwing your head back.

“So?” Minho crosses his arms, “we don’t mind having a plus one if you get my drift.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, you’ll find someone.” Hyunjin side-eyed Minho, before proceeding to comfort you. Minho could only knit his eyebrows at the two of you as he sits there uncertain before rolling his eyes, “alright fine, I actually have something that could help you two, but since you two—”

“Minho, no one’s interested in joining your open relationship,” Hyunjin argued back, while you face palmed yourself, knowing the headache that may come with the upcoming altercation that will ensue. Minho retorted back at Hyunjin and insisted that it wasn’t about his relationship, and this time he sounded more serious than previously.

“It’s this place called URMUSE. It’s where you basically fill out a form and you tell them what you like and then they book a room for you there to live out your fantasy with your desired ‘muse’. It’s like Disney world but for grown-ups.”

Hyunjin’s cringed-out expression deepened, thinking you’d react the same, but unbeknownst to him, you were slightly intrigued, hoping he’d carry further on with information. You never would have thought you’d resort to that level, but desperate calls call for desperate measures as one would say.

“Really, Minho? First off, never call a place like that ‘Disney world’ again. And second, you really think (y/n) would actually—”

“How do I get the reservation?” You interrupted Hyunjin, making the man astonished by your choice of interest.

Hyunjin knew you longer than Minho did, but to say you’d be down to go to a sex worker was a surprise to him, even Minho was slightly taken aback by your excitement—although he didn’t mind it. Hyunjin however was rather baffled by your abruption. It wasn’t that you were against the whole sex work thing, it was just not something you don’t about often, and you three knew this. But you were really desperate to let your demons, and what better way to take out your sexual frustration is on someone who’s an expert with these things?

“(y/n), are you serious?” Hyunjin asked, and you nodded at him, “yes, Hyunjin, I’m grown, I can make my decision.” With that, Hyunjin closed his open mouth, as if he wanted to say something but went against it before turning to his other friend.

“Now can you tell me more about the site?”

It had been a week since that encounter with Minho and Hyunjin and your mind is still at war on whether going to the site and getting a ‘muse’ was a good idea or not. While you were excited and up for it at first, you still drew yourself back as your self-doubts began acting up again. What if this place didn’t provide what you asked? What if it was a time and money waster and didn’t live up to your expectation? What if Minho is actually dragging you into a sex cult and you didn’t know?

The last question was farfetched, sure, but you wouldn’t know. You hate how you had to question everything and place yourself in a shell when it comes to sexual expression. You knew you weren’t going to get judged, but your mind constantly plays with your head with topics like this, by convincing you that you were a freak and a maniac for enjoying what you’re enjoying.

“Why would anyone like to get tied up or tying someone up? That’s some kidnapper shit,” your brain constantly teases you. But you knew you weren’t, you hear Minho’s experience with his partner—or partners—and Hyunjin’s past sexual experiences, and you couldn’t help but secretly get jealous of your friends for being carefree about their needs. Sure, they’re both men, and oftentimes nobody will bat an eyelash if a man expresses any sexual needs, but there is no time for commentary on this matter—you want to be railed or rail someone.

You sighed as you opened your computer and started to type away on your search engine, you muttered to yourself what you were typing and opened the first link that popped up.

“URMUSE—THE PLACE WHERE ALL YOUR FANTASIES COME TRUE!”

What an eerie welcome, you thought to yourself as you read the slogan. You scrolled away and inspected their whole site. You thought that the site was legit; it had easy-to-read sections, provides information about the muses and important guidelines, and the site seemed like it was like you were reserving for paradise rather than an organized brothel—it even carried reviews.

You seemed convinced enough to hover your mouse down to the “find your muse” option and clicked and the link opened to a form; just like how Minho described it. Minho knew about this site because he used to be an active member and was even offered to work there as their muse only for him to reject as he wasn’t interested, which adds to the authenticity of this place. Now you were staring at the form in front of you, waiting for it to be filled.

“This is more intimidating than college application… guess here goes nothing.” You sighed before typing away your information and your preferences.

After filling out the form, you received an email from the place in the most eerily warming with an exciting letter that was graphically designed from them which says;

Hey there, (y/n)

We’re so excited for your first time at URMUSE, we welcome you full of joy and excitement. Based on your application and the preference you have given to us, we have booked you a session with our popular muse, Christopher, to help you fulfill your fantasy. If you’re interested in changing your muse or would like to make a change, just contact us at xx-xxx-xxxx.

You practically stopped reading as you were not interested in any change, you have paid your price and the date was given from when you go and have your time there. You have told the news to both of your best friends, only for you to get mixed reactions.

Minho was ecstatic, he was glad that you took his advice, and followed through with what he said, hoping you have the time of your life, “yay! I can’t wait for the stories, oh and make sure you tip them well if they did a good job, they’ll highly appreciate it!”

Hyunjin, on the other hand, was apprehensive. It wasn’t that he was against you doing this, he was just unsure if this is the right way to do it. He is no angel; he himself did go to brothels similar to URMUSE but he just thought you’d be overwhelmed by the environment and was worried you were going to regret it, “I’m not telling you to not go, especially since you’ve paid, but I’m telling you to watch yourself…”

While responses were different, still you sensed their caring nature, especially since both were adamant about calling them if someone tried to hurt you or something, but either way, you reassured them and you appreciated their thoughtfulness.

Fast forward to the date, it was finally that time to meet up with your muse and hopefully not be disappointed or judged by him. From the time you got the email, you wanted to research this Christopher guy, you knew he was popular but you didn’t want to see his face as you didn’t want it to tamper with your fantasy that you may embark in. You asked Minho if he can do it for you without showing you what he looks like, and he gladly accepted to help.

While in a facetime call, you see Minho creating a bunch of facial expressions, mainly an impressed expression based on his smirk, his raised eyebrows, and the way he pushed out his bottom lips.

“What?” You asked, brows knitted as Minho chuckles at the screen he was seeing and shakes his head, “oh boy, (y/n), you’re one lucky bitch.”

“What?!” you dragged out as you repeated

“Well, you said you don’t want details, but from what I can see, your boy Christopher? He’s—he’s a good one,” Minho said, trying to make it as vague as he can, which made you regret asking him to do the research in front of you as now your curiosity was practically pushing you further on going against your plans.

However, thankfully you eased yourself with it and didn’t let temptation win you over, especially since the date wasn’t far from the email you have gotten. Now you were on your way to the place for your session. Minho and his partner suggested that you should wear lingerie, be minimal with the make-up, and most importantly have fun. They also mentioned that the place also offers safe names so make sure you mention it at some point. You just had to keep a lot of mental notes before going in there.

Your taxi was driving you there, but not exactly at the place, but rather somewhere close. Once again, you let your insecurity eat you up when it comes to sex, shaming yourself for going to such a place, and being scared to be judged. It was too late to back down anyway, so you just accepted it, but you still hoped the ride would be done and over with, so you wouldn’t have to look at the poor taxi man in the face.

Once arriving, you paid your driver, and you were out of the car. Once you were sure the driver was gone, you walked in the direction of the place until you found the sign that made you eye up at it. The red cursive logo sign made it seem like it was a nightclub rather than what you thought would be a kin to a love hotel, however you didn’t let it drive you away and walked in there. You walked in and you saw a beautiful, blonde boy standing behind the counter, he maintained the prettiest smile as well as had the most radiant aura you have ever seen on a boy, you weren’t sure whether to feel small and intimidated or thirst over him just right where you stand.

“Hi, welcome to URMUSE, this is Felix, how am I help you?” The pretty boy behind the counter, Felix, spoke. You thought his cute presence was very contradicting to the vulgar environment he is in, but you can’t really judge him as you don’t know him well enough to confirm.

“Uh, hi, um,” you stammered nervously, “I have an appoint—I mean a reservation with my muse—I mean Christopher! Under the name (y/n).” you mentally face palmed yourself for what you thought was being an idiot, but Felix seems to think otherwise as he chuckles lightly.

“This is your first time right?” He asked, with a smile, however, the warmth in his smile contradicts the eyes he had as he examined your nervous being before going back to the computer to check for your name.

“Uh, yeah, y’know, just trying out new things and expanding my horizons and stuff,” you nervously rambled, once again mentally slapping yourself for making a fool of yourself, which amuses Felix rather than turns him off. “You’re so cute, you know that?” he comments. Which made you blush at the sudden comment, unsure whether he was being genuine or not, but either way, it was a confidence booster, and you took it anyway.

“Ugh, what a shame,” Felix pouted, making you frown, “you do have an appointment with Chris, ugh, he’s so lucky, can’t help but be jealous.”

To say Felix’s comment made your heart drop would be an understatement, but you weren’t sure if it was him leaving you off guard by pretending that the reservation was not there, or him telling you that he wanted to be in Christopher’s place, either way, so far, you were glad you’ve spent your money on this.

“Oh well, how about you follow me right this way, yeah?” Felix raised his hand in the direction of the hallway. You only smiled back at him politely as you two walked into the bright red hallway that had wooden maroon doors on each side with numbers written on the side with red or green lights radiating out of the panel, presumably to indicate the availability of the rooms.

“Are the walls soundproof?” You randomly asked as you two continued to walk down the quiet hallway. Felix smirked as he turned his head to you, “would you like the walls to be soundproof?” his deep voice was sultry when the question escaped his lips, you couldn’t help but feel weak at the response. Christopher has some serious competition, and Felix hasn’t even done anything remotely sexual.

“Umm…”

“Here we are,” Felix announced as he stops his footsteps and you bump into him, making you apologize profusely to him. “Don’t worry, this is probably the only time I’ll be this close to you,” he softly spoke, as he held your face and dragged his finger across your jaw, making you gulp at the physical and eye contact.

Felix turned as he opens the door by pressing the keypad on the handle and takes your hand inside the room. The door opened to a room with an interesting yet organized interior design. The room was big for what it seemed; silk black bedsheets in a queen-sized bed, a dark auburn wall-to-ceiling closet, a soothing yet arousing shade of red painted on the wall along with simple yet aesthetically appealing accessories and paintings on the wall.

Felix held your shoulders to help you take off your coat and hung it up for you before he sat you down in the bed. He held up your face as a farewell before speaking, “it has been nice chatting with you, I wish I could have you for myself but I guess we can’t have what we want,” he smirks as he looks up and your face, “hopefully you’ll love it here, so I could see you again, but for now, I have to go. Have fun…”

“Chris, she’s all yours!” Felix looked up as he announces and he walks out of the room. You were now sitting at the bed, unsure of what to do right now, and just awaiting Christopher to come in.

“Hello?”

You jumped up as you looked around to find the source but you cannot find who it is, so you assumed it was just your voice playing around with you until you hear the voice again.

“Are you (y/n)? Can you hear me?”

The voice had a similar accent to that of Felix, while his voice wasn’t deep as his, it was still a pleasant voice. it had this gentle yet masculine voice that was soothing to listen to and you were in for it. But still, you couldn’t see the source of the voice, and confusion increased by the second.

“Y-yes, this is me, is this Christopher?” you called out still looking around the room.

You hear his soft laughter emanating in the room, making you knit your brows, “oh gosh, (y/n), you’re so cute, are you sure you want me to call you mistress?”

As soon as he mentioned mistress, everything started to connect the dot. You remembered when you filled out the form, you stated that you enjoyed the whole anonymity that comes with it along with wanting to try out to dominate someone who may seem physically virile and muscular, so you’d hope to see what they can offer, and so far you’re intrigued seeing how he has yet to reveal himself and is speaking into a microphone that blares beautifully in the room you’re staying in.

Your demeanor seemed to change, especially since Christopher didn’t seem bothered by your request, as you place your arms behind you and smirked, “Christopher, are you about to act up on me already?” You responded, now leveling yourself on his.

He laughs, gosh his laugh was too attractive you thought to yourself, “just wanted to make sure if I’m talking to the same mistress, and also…”

He paused his words and then you hear the door open from your right side and you looked at whoever walked in, and your jaw dropped, “You can call me, Chris or Chan… or baby, or pup, or whatever you want to call me,” he proceeded, you can make out that he was smiling as he was speaking.

Your eyes panned at the robbed yet evidently well-built masked man. The lower half of his face was covered by a balaclava, showcasing only his onyx brown eyes and his chestnut curly hair. Even though he hasn’t shown his full face, you can still clearly tell he was attractive just based on his eyes and his facial structure, which was simultaneously concealing and accentuating his cheekbones and jaw.

You admired him, as he walked up to you and got down on his knees, and got his large and veiny hands on your exposed legs, lightly gripping and massaging your thighs underneath your skirt, his fingers barely touching your core. Your breath hitched at the sensation, while Chris just eyes you up with glimmering puppy eyes.

“I’m all yours, mistress… please take me.”

It felt like it was more than an hour since you and Chris had interacted when in actuality it had been less than twenty minutes. You two briefly talked about rules and precautions, deciding to follow the traffic light system if anything were to happen to either of you, mainly you. After that discussion has ended your insecure, overthinking self has been completely replaced with a self-righteous, domme who has already in just panties and tied up a naked Chris, who was whimpering at the lack of touch from you after you stopped stroking his cock after he told you that he was close.

“Aw, what a good boy, being vocal to mistress,” you praised as you pushed his hair back, his whines were loud but slightly muffled by the mask on his lips. He nodded as he croaks, “anything for you,” his high-pitched whines were brought back up as you started to fist his cock but this time you got closer to his cock, the smirk on your face painted with villainy, “hey.”

Chris let out a closed whimper as he looks down on you, despite his hand being tied. You made eye contact with his eyes as you continued to move your hand, “you better keep your eyes on me, got it, pup?”

He nods through his sobs, and one thing led to another, your mouth was wrapped around his precum-slicked cock, making him let out a broken moan as the feeling of your mouth around him was so warm and so pleasant. His stomach sinks at the sensation as he cries about how good you feel, all the while he tries his best to keep eye contact with you.

“Oh my fucking go—mistress, your mouth feels so—ah, fuck,” his words were broken by his moans, to the point he accidentally broke eye contact when he threw back his head to moan out loud. He suddenly lost the warm feeling of your mouth and instead, he felt a sharp slap to his sensitive organ, making him yelp and wince, his hand gripped the rope, that was tied to his wrist, tightened.

“I told you to not lose contact,” you sternly spoke as you began pinching his thighs, making him jump and arch his back while crying out strings of apologies.

“I’m sorry, mistress, I’m sorry,” he sobs out, “please, just please, pup needs your mouth, please.”

You wanted to punish him but you found his pleadings so adorable, the way his eyes were getting glossy by your edging and the way you were pinching and slapping him. While you enjoyed the masked face and wanted him to keep it on, seeing how cute he sounds and how his eyes were mesmerizing to you, you can’t help but wanna pull down the balaclava and see his face fully.

“pup, is it okay if I took your mask down and ride your face?”

His skin reddened, and you could tell he was nervous and apprehensive, so you thought he didn’t want to and wanted to carry on with the mask. “It’s okay if you don’t—”

“No! No! it’s not that, I’m just… shy,” he revealed, and you couldn’t help but find him even more adorable than before. You’re unsure if he was acting or being genuine, but either way, his sex appeal grew to the sky in your opinion. You grabbed the lower part of his balaclava, him lifting his head to help you remove it from his head, and when his face was fully revealed, you couldn’t be even more enamored by his face even more. His lips were red and plump, his cheeks were speckled with freckles and red flushness, and his nose protruded out attractively.

“Wow,” you breathed out as you threw his mask away, making him sink down into the mattress of the bed and look away shyly. You pulled his face by his chin to make him look at you, “if I knew you had this face, I definitely would never have made the masked request… You are so pretty, Chris.”

Your compliment made Chris smile shyly and giggle, “thank you, mistress…”

You chuckled through your breath as you got off, making Chris wander your eyes silently pleading to get back on him only to see you remove your panties. You crawled back into Chris and placed your thighs between his head and looked back down at him, “Want to taste, mistress?”

He didn’t say anything aside from excitedly nodding at your question and licking his lips. You smirked at his excitement before slowly sliding yourself down until Chris began devouring you from below making you gasp at how active his tongue was. You were taken aback by the pleasant feeling of his tongue and the way it touched all the spots you wanted to touch, especially when your grinding away at his face. His nose would make contact with your clit, especially when he moves his head along with your hips, trying to catch every flavor of you.

You gripped his hair as you were moaning at the good feeling Chris was giving you, so much so, that you felt your lower belly heating up. “God, pup, you love making mistress feel good, right?” you sighed out your words before moaning.

Chris just moaned as a response along with tasting the nectar you’re giving him like he was thirsty for it. You threw your head back as your hip movements were becoming more sloppy and messy as you felt the heat bubbling up, and as much as you wanna come all over the pretty boy’s face, you decide against it, so you pulled his hair as you got off his face, making him chase for your juices before gasping for air and looking at you.

“You did so well for mistress… I think pup’s ready for me, is that right?” you asked as you were creating anticipation and Chris did a good job at pretending to be desperate, especially with the way he excitedly nodded and just chanted “yes, yes,” with a bunch of whines. You were so deep in, that you completely forgot that you were dealing with a professional, but you didn’t care, you want to relish in the whole experience no matter what way.

You gasped at the feeling of his cock stretching you, bringing you to utmost bliss. He whined at the feeling of your velvet and warming walls being filled and your hips moving around it. The movement was intense when it comes to the pace and depth of this session was getting, with you two praising each other based on your respective roles.

While this wasn’t the first Chris has ever been in the submissive role in his taboo career, he wasn’t really into most of the roleplays and positions he was given, but he had to do it as this was his job either way, but either way, he doesn’t seek submissive roles often. However, when your application came in and was offered to him, he was at first against it as he doesn’t want to do another submissive role, but for some reason, he had a change of heart and decided to do it—especially since you had paid extra more than asked for the hour, who would say no to that? Chris thought to himself.

He was glad that you failed his expectation, as the way of delivery, albeit a rocky start, was phenomenal in his opinion. You absolutely were one of the few doms and dommes he seemed to enjoy being with thus far, he was highly impressed by you if anything.

He looked up at you, heavy breathing as her movements began speeding up, his knuckles turning white with the way he’s pulling on the ropes, and her fingernails scratches on his defined pectorals. Your combined moans were echoing loudly in the room, had it not for Felix telling you that the walls were not soundproof, you would have brought your insecure self back. But even so, you wouldn’t have cared at the moment as you and Chris felt good about being around each other.

“oh, fuck! Chris—pup, I’m so fucking close,” you shuddered your words as the heat in your lower belly was getting overwhelming. You assume Chris was not far behind either due to the whine he just slipped out, so you encouraged him to come with her.

“You can come with, pup, it’s okay, you ready?”

Chris nodded before he mewled as you moved faster so you could reach high. And long after, you came around him, cursing out at how good you felt, but you sensed that Chris hasn’t orgasmed yet so you slipped yourself out and began stroking him instead. While your hands were incomparable, Chris couldn’t deny how good he felt, and with the pace you were going and the pressure you exerted, you wounded out milking him as he came all over his stomach and chest while sobbing and shaking at his orgasm, especially when you overstimulated him.

“Mmm—mistress,” his whines were so high-pitched as he teared up and hiccuped at how overpowering the extra strokes you gave him. His silent pleads to stop were answered as you saw how much he covered himself with his white cum and you couldn’t help just licking some of it off, while Chris was trying to catch his breath. He tasted salty but not too overpowering where it was gross, you couldn’t help but wonder if he has drunk enough pineapple or something, but either way, you couldn’t get enough.

However, you got to your senses and stopped licking him, as you looked at him wide-eyed. You couldn’t believe you just tired the poor tied-up man, you thought.  

“Oh my god, are you okay?” you asked, concern laced as you tapped his shoulders, making him laugh as a response.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” He responded back with a smile as he looked at the restraints, hoping you would untie him, which you instantly did. He groaned in glee once again as he freed his wrists out of the ropes, stretching them out.

You didn’t know why but you felt like apologizing only for him to shake his head, “there is nothing to be sorry for, after all my job was to help you fulfill your fantasy… which I hope I did.”

“Oh yeah you definitely did a good job, and I would definitely rate you a five star and tip you!”

Chris’s face lit up with a smile, “I’m so glad to hear that, I also had really fun, I don’t often do submissive roles, but I’m glad I got to do with it you.” His words seemed genuine and you didn’t know how to react so you ended up feeling flustered once again.

“Well, I tried…” You mumbled making both of you laugh.

After cleaning up and tipping, you two left outside the door, stating your farewells.

“Well, it’s been fun, I’m really glad you enjoyed your experience, you already know me, so don’t be shy to drop by to y’know… destress,” Chris cheerfully spoke with a smile. He was too charming and you couldn’t help but admire him once again, especially when he was back in his robe with his chest revealed. He extended his arms for an embrace, which took you by surprise, but you were far from uncomfortable. Despite the previous activities, he smelled oddly good, like musk for some reason, you couldn’t get away from it.

He pulled away from you, and he rubbed your arms with a smile before letting them go, “I’ll see you, yeah?”

You nodded back and there you two went your separate ways. You saw Felix still standing behind the counter, his eyes still on you, and he asked about your experience. You raved everything to him and told him that this won’t be the last time he’ll be seeing you for sure.

“Well, I’m glad you liked it here, and I wish to see you,” he says as he leans closer to your ears to whisper, “but ask for me next time, yeah?”

You couldn’t help but be stunned at his last phrase, while he leans back and smiles at you. “Hope we can see you again, (y/n).”

Yeah, definitely… You’ll see me here again… I have to call Minho and Hyunjin.

[buckyownsmylife]

Worst Behavior - Chris Evans smut

The one where it was supposed to be a sex scene, but Chris fucked you for real - and he didn’t care that your boyfriend was watching

Warnings: infidelity (reader cheats on oc boyfriend with Chris), smut, exhibitionism, public sex, dirty talk, angst.

Word count: 1.7K

A/N: thank you to my ride or die, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ for looking this over and giving me her thoughts about it. Writing is such a better process with you to scream about it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

I was seething when I burst through her trailer’s door, so out of my mind that the sight of her raising a hand over her heart, clearly startled, didn’t make me feel even remotely guilty.

“So this is it, huh? We’re gonna film this one last scene, and then you’ll be back by his side, like you and I were nothing, like I never even mean anything to you.” Somewhere inside my troubled mind, a tiny, still emotionally sober part of me saw her wiping a stray tear after it immediately fell from her eye, clearly not wanting to show this sign of weakness in front of me.

But again, I was too out of it to care. I wanted her to hurt, I wanted her to feel the pain that I was feeling, after all she put me through. How could she expect me to leave this set like I was the same man that met her? She had fundamentally changed me, by showing me how to love and be loved, how it was possible to find in a single person the answer to all of my needs and desires for my future.

I couldn’t just go on pretending I didn’t know what I knew now. But that’s what she intended to do. She wanted to leave and keep living in the pretense that nothing had changed, that she was still in love with the man waiting for her on set.

I knew for a fact that wasn’t the case. I knew it because there was no way my feelings were one-sided, no way everything we had gone through had only mattered that much to me. I knew her, probably better than I knew myself. And I knew this was all just fear and anxiety, clouding her mind and stopping her from going after what she truly wanted.

Unfortunately, the only way I could process these emotions at the moment was through anger.

“Is that how you see me?” Her sweet voice surprised me, I didn’t expect her to actually respond to my hurt-filled accusations. “Do you think I’m that cruel, that I would just be able to… to leave and forget you like this?”

I huffed, too inside my own mind to relent now. Yes, this is how I saw her, at least at that moment. She was the cause of my hurt, because she was the object of my desires.

“You’re doing this out of your own free will,” I reminded her. “Don’t try to pretend you’re just some innocent little victim in all of this. You have our fate in your hands, and you’re deciding to let it all go to waste.”

At the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks, my decision to leave was made even before she ordered me out of her trailer. I couldn’t stand to see her cry, couldn’t deal with the knowledge that I was the cause for it.

So, once again, I turned that distress into anger.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The air was chilly on set, and the fact that I was practically naked under the robe didn’t help. Neither did the tension between Chris and I. I wanted to make things right, I wanted to reach over and run my hands over his shoulders, relax the muscles I’d come to know so well. But I couldn’t do that right now. Not with my boyfriend watching us.

So I resigned myself to fiddling with my fingers as we waited for the set to be ready. Since it was one of those artistic sex shots, it would be filmed from a distance and there wouldn’t be any lines or sounds that we had to make, just movements to simulate. Which meant that the few people that were allowed to stay on the set had to watch the whole thing unfold from afar, and we would be free to fake having sex while they filmed us.

I don’t think I realized this could very well be the last time I had Chris this close to me until I had his mouth on mine again. I could still feel the emotions from earlier that day right beneath the surface, boiling his blood as he buried his hand on my hair and devoured my lips like he’d done so many times before.

Good thing the scene called for desperation.

I kissed him back just as desperately, wanting to enjoy every second of this experience, even if it wasn’t exactly what I desired at that time. Chris always kissed me so well, guiding me to where he wanted, and in no time at all he had me sprawled on the bed, underneath his larger body. I couldn’t help but to moan lowly when his lips attached themselves to my jaw, and I felt his smirk against my skin.

I couldn’t blame him. The effect he had on me was incomparable. He had every right to be smug about the sounds he could pull from me, Lord knows I’d cried out his name enough times to permanently puncture my own ear drums.

And still, it didn’t seem like it would be enough. The more he touched me - even if it was under a blanket, for a scene - the clearer it became that it could never be enough. I still wanted him. I wanted him forever, in fact.

But just as the realization occurred to me, his thumb slipped over my covered clit, pressing on the little nub and making me jerk away in surprise. “Shhh…” He directed, making sure to cover my face with his bicep so the camera wouldn’t catch my shock. “Just relax so it doesn’t hurt.”

I didn’t understand what he meant until I felt him pulling the flimsy excuse of underwear aside. That’s when my cunt pulsed, just before he positioned his cock and easily slid right into my wetness.

The feeling of his thickness was too much, especially when I wasn’t expecting it. My mouth fell open in a silent gasp, and he moved his arm so the camera could see it, but also turned his head to the other side so they wouldn’t notice his lips moving as he murmured to me, “Careful, sweetheart. Can’t make any real sounds. Not like the ones I usually pull from you. Wouldn’t want your boyfriend to realize that we’re actually doing it, huh?”

Chris’ P.O.V.

My desire for her ran so deep, I could hear my blood pumping in my veins as I fucked her right in front of her boyfriend. Right in front of everyone from the filming crew, for the camera to see.

I took sick pleasure in knowing this moment would be eternalized for history. Everyone would see just how pretty she looks for me and only for me, and no one would ever know the truth.

No one would ever know the truth. That I had her, that she was mine, but only for a bit. That I got to hold her, and have her screaming my name, but I’d never get to hear it again. I’d never get to have her again.

I didn’t want to have to pretend that I forgot it. Like I didn’t know this other side of her, that we never shared these sexual experiences that felt much more intimate than anything I’d ever shared with anyone else before.

It was hard to pretend that I didn’t care underneath the mask of a character that cared too much, because I was that character. I loved this woman just like he did, and I wanted to show her just how much.

I’d looked for her in everyone I’d met before. Slept with so many women, went out on so many dates, and now here she was, clenching around my cock, reaching for my hand and still, she wasn’t mine.

How can you keep looking for the love of your life if you’ve already met them?

And even if there was emotion - and there was so much emotion, ours or of our characters, it didn’t matter anymore - this felt so dirty, dirtier than anything else we’d ever done before.

I’d had her in so many ways, and still, having her now, right in front of him, brought new feelings I never expected to feel. And I couldn’t suffer through them alone. I needed to make sure she’d acknowledged it too.

“He has no idea, you know,” I whispered, low enough so the only person who could hear was her. Her eyes met mine in surprise, but she kept in character, while I took advantage of my position to taunt her more. “No one has. No one knows you only look like this when you have my dick inside of you.”

A moan broke free from her, making me smile inwardly even though I couldn’t smirk like I wanted to. I let go of one of her hands to push a few strands of hair away from her face, so both the camera and I could get a good vision of her expression.

“You’re such a good girl for me, honey. He could never get you like this. Only I can do that.” The way she clawed at my back made it obvious that I was right. And still, the reality of our situation didn’t allow for me to feel any sort of pride in that.

I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to cum and have to pull out of her, let her go back to him and their life as I was left by myself. “I can’t let you go,” I admitted, and her eyes opened up to meet mine, a slight sparkle of understanding in them. “Not like this,” I continued. “Not ever.”

And still, my hips picked up the pace and brought us to that old familiar high, right when I came to terms with the fact that I’d have to leave her. “Baby,” I whispered, this time knowing the microphone would pick it up.

Our eyes connected once more, but this time, there was mostly pain, from my gaze and from hers. I stood there for as long as I could, thumbs brushing over her cheekbones, until the director’s voice freed us from the scene, and then I was forced to leave.

Before I did though, I had one last thing to say.

“I don’t want to have to miss you.”

One thing was certain. It would be impossible to remain professional during the press conference.