#and all the amazing fics i missed from my mutuals <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[taintedcigs]

so i decided to log in after not being on here for some time... and the first thing i see is someone replying to my fics and complaining about my writing lmao yuck... if you don't like my writing pls do not read! there is a difference bw helpful advice/criticism and just straight up being mean </3

[ohsc]

₊˚⊹♡ assistance | sam winchester x reader

a/n - not for kinktober just a fic i wanted to get out!! i’m unsure whether i like the dialogue on this im sorry if it sucks i feel i can never write dirty talk right *sobs* but i really hope you enjoy!!! <3

cws - fem!reader, 2k, nsfw 18+, phone sex, mutual masturbation, kind of softdom!sam, long distance, fluff, comfort, kinda unedited

other fics can be found on my masterlist

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

It was later than he’d liked by the time he finally got back to the motel. With muscles that ached from the day’s strain, brain fogged from how tired he was, Sam honestly just wanted to call his girlfriend and talk to her until he fell asleep.

He’d meant to text her a couple of hours prior to let her know the hunt was dragging on longer than expected, but his phone had fucking died when he and Dean were two hours into their trek into the woods to find the pack of werewolves they were hunting, and he’d been pretty miserable ever since.

Dean had disappeared off to the nearest bar after dropping Sam off at their room so he thankfully had the place to himself to mope around as he plugged his phone into the charger and showered whilst he waited for it to get some power. The shitty water pressure and barely lukewarm water did nothing for his aching back, so he was even more agitated by the time he got himself settled onto the uncomfortable mattress twenty minutes later, hair wet and skin still damp beneath his clothes with his eagerness to call her.

As much as he hated being away from her for so long, and too often, it was the safest thing to do. Sam wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something happened to her because she was too close to his shit. He still had dreams about Jess, about how that was all his fault. He couldn’t let it happen again.

His phone hadn’t even reached twenty percent but he was impatient and shuffled over to the edge of the bed so the phone cord would reach and held the phone to his ear as he called her, propped himself up against the headboard.

The phone didn’t even ring twice before she answered.

“Sam?”

“Hey, baby.” The words came out in an exhale, most of the tension left him just at the sound of her voice, the ache seeping out of his bones like a relief. It was what kept him sane whenever he was away. Her picture in his wallet, her hair tie on his wrist, her voice in his ear.

“Hi, Sammy. Got worried when you didn’t call on time.”

He winced at the thought. She worried for him, of course she did. Sam understood how horrible it must have felt for her, knowing what he was going off to do. He could only imagine the dread that must’ve curled inside of her whenever he was late calling. Too many things had happened in the past, too many things could still go wrong.

“Sorry, my phone died when we were still out, didn’t get back until way later than I thought,” he groaned, sank down the headboard a little to stretch out on the bed. The agitation still hadn’t quite left him, the stiffness in his muscles prominent. He wanted nothing more than to curl up with her in his arms and he couldn’t have it. “Miss you, honey.”

He could hear the smile in her voice as she responded, “Missed you more. Wish you were here, it’s cold at night without you in bed too.”

He snorted a quiet laugh. “That’s why you miss me?”

“Mhm,” she giggled, though her voice turned a little coy as she murmured, “among other reasons.”

“Yeah?” An automatic smile was curling at his mouth.

Another little giggle through the receiver. He didn’t even need to see her to know that she had that little bashful smile on her face. He also knew exactly what was on her mind, it was on his too.

It wasn’t the first time they’d have done this. He was on the road so often that their sex life wasn’t as amazing as it could have been, and it wasn’t like he didn’t pleasure himself when he was away on hunts anyways.

There had been many many evenings he’d spent in the shower, hot water rolling down his back as he had one hand pressed to the tiled wall whilst the other pumped his cock until his cum was washed down the drain along with his shampoo bubbles. It wasn’t ideal — bottom lip tucked between his teeth to stifle the heaving breaths and quiet groans, trying to get off as fast as he could before the hot water could run out or Dean could get back to the room. It was even worse when it became a result of having her on the phone. There had been many occasions where her soft voice and giggles in his ear had been enough to get him hard, on nights when he was really missing her and it had just been too long since he’d kissed her.

It turned out she did the same as him. Though when Sam pictured it, it was a lot more graceful than his time in the shower. Laid out all pretty on their bed, legs spread, fingers wet with her own arousal as her head tipped back against the pillows. Sometimes if he got a little selfish he pictured her voice all whimpery saying his name as she came, but he couldn’t get lost in that daydream often, or he’d get hard over that, too.

“Miss you,” she breathed again, and the shift in her tone was palpable. “I… I tried touching myself earlier but I couldn’t cum without you on the phone.”

The groan that left him was automatic and his cock throbbed, hardening beneath the material of his boxers. The idea that she couldn’t even get off without his voice in her ear did wonders for him, it was a wonder his ego wasn’t too big already.

“You need my help, honey?” He crooned into the phone, settled into the tone of voice he knew she liked to hear, the voice he used more often than not when he was whispering in her ear, hips slotted between her thighs, rolling in a rhythm that left her whiney and panting.

Her soft little “mhm” was enough for him to move his other hand down and palm himself, hissing in a breath through his teeth.

“Go ahead and lay down for me, pretty girl. Wanna tell me what you’re wearing?”

There was the rustling of sheets over the phone before her voice spoke up again, “Just one of your shirts.”

Another groan. “You trying to kill me, baby?”

She giggled and his cock twitched beneath his palm. Jesus Christ he needed to get back to her, he needed her in person, to sate the need that wouldn’t be doused thoroughly enough over the phone.

“Go ahead and spread your legs for me, sweetheart,” he breathed, palming his cock again as he spoke, eyes squeezing shut as his head knocked back against the headboard. “Did you get yourself all worked up earlier, hm? Are you all soaked already?”

There was another hum, though he could hear the way her breathing had deepened, deep and heavy in his ear. He could picture the tickle of her breath on his face, the shape of her lips, the taste of her mouth after she’d just brushed her teeth. He needed her.

“Why don’t you start touching yourself for me?” He murmured, voice low with his arousal. Her resounding moan was enough for his cock to throb again and his hand finally dipped beneath his waistband, freeing himself with a quiet groan.

“Are you touching yourself too?” She whimpered, and it was a miracle he didn’t just cum there and then.

“Yeah,” his hand lifted and he tipped his head down to spit into his palm, groaning softly the next time he pumped his cock. “Yeah I am, dolly. Your pretty voice got me all worked up— fuck.” He breathed out the word between his teeth. He was already leaking pre-cum, thumbing over the head of his cock in a move that made him shudder, though it felt nice when she did it. Stroked his cock with her pretty hands, her pretty lips that wrapped around his head when she was on her knees for him, licking along the length of his dick in a way that always made him weak in the knees.

She moaned again and his hips jerked, rutting into his hand with a filthy groan. “How’re you feeling, honey?”

She whimpered, and Sam felt another dribble of pre-cum slide down the length of his cock. “Good— mm, good, j’st—” she took in a shaky breath, “feels better when it’s you, baby.”

“Oh yeah?” He grunted, pumping his cock just a little faster. “Why’s that, dolly?”

“Bigger hands,” she breathed. “longer fingers.”

Sam moaned, the idea of his fingers nestled deep in her wet heat enough for his cock to throb in his hand, and he knew he wouldn’t last long. But from the sounds of her pretty little whimpers, neither would she. “Can’t fill that pretty pussy up as nice as I can, hm?” He took in a shuddering breath. “Play with your clit for me, sweetheart.”

He could hear the moment she did, the sharp inhale, the whimpery moan, the rustling of the sheets as she, undoubtedly, spread her legs wider. “Oh god, Sammy—”

“Are you close, sweetheart?”

All he got in response was a high-pitched “uh-huh.”

“That’s it— shit, that’s it, baby,” he panted, pumping his cock faster, moaning softly as his head arched back. “Go on, dolly, make some pretty sounds for me as you cum, won’t you? M’gonna cum just thinking about you making such a mess of yourself, c’mon, baby—” he was practically begging between sharp breaths.

It only took a moment before he heard her sharp inhale and the whine that followed, and all it took was a few more quick ruts into his hand and the sounds of her before he groaned her name, toes curled and eyelids scrunched as he came. He could feel the evidence of his orgasm dribbling down his cock and his fingers as he shucked a few more times, hissing through his teeth as he finally stopped.

“Oh sweetheart,” he breathed, panting, not unlike her heavy breaths into the phone. “You sounded so fucking pretty, honey. That feel good for you?”

She took a shuddery breath and hummed again. “Yeah, thanks baby.”

Sam couldn’t help the breathy chuckle. “Don’t need to thank me,” he murmured. “M’always gonna take care of my girl, even if I’m not there. You made quite a mess of me, too.”

She breathed a laugh, and a moment passed of just their shared breathing as they both calmed down. Sam’s cock had softened completely against his abdomen, and he’d have to change his clothes and have another shower, but fuck was it worth it.

“I’ll be on my way back to you tomorrow,” he promised once his breathing had mostly evened out. “Should be with you before dinner, then you get me all to yourself.”

She yawned into the phone before mumbling, “Good, want you back to me as soon as possible.”

The sound of her so sleepy just left him so soft. “I promise I will be,” he breathed. “Why don’t you get some sleep, okay honey? I’ll call you in the morning when we’re on the road.”

“Okay,” her voice had completely softened, coated in a sickly-sweet fondness that left him putty in her hands. “I love you. Get back to me safe, okay?”

“I always do,” Sam smiled. “I love you too. Night, gorgeous.”

She yawned her own goodbye before the line went dead, and he let the phone drop back down onto the mattress with a heavy breath.

Just one more day, then he could have her in person, help her in all the ways he wanted to on the phone.

[0310s]

gently, by your side | jaehyun

members: myung jaehyun x gender neutral reader

genre: college au, angst, comfort, best friends! to ???, more platonic stuff in this one

tags/warnings: extensive discussions of mental health and chronic/mental illness, y/n is not okay. :(

summary: jaehyun finds you after a bad week.

wc: 2.7k

a/n: this fic’s title comes from this lovely song. as someone who’s struggled with both chronic and mental illness, it really takes someone strong and amazing to keep on going, despite everything. most of the dialogue in this comes from my own musings and experiences with mental health. i wrote this for a dear mutual of mine! i hope better days will come for you soon, whenever that may be. meanwhile, i hope this gives you comfort when things are tough! sending lots of love <3 

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

5 days ago 1:28 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

(y/n) we haven’t seen each other in such a loooong time imy :(( i mean i KNOW it’s just been a couple of days since we last hung out but still!!!!!!! when are we seeing each other again !!!! tell me ur schedule QUICK !!!!

4 days ago 6:33 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeeyyyyyyyyy (with the intention to hang out) heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy reply to meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! tell me when ur free pls i miss u :((

3 days ago 11:58 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

hey i didn’t see u at the party today i thought u said u were going last week!!!  also i asked around and people said they haven’t seen u around recently??? and they don’t know what ur up to

2 days ago 2:05 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeyyyy ?????????? did i do smth?????  or are u just really busy w school and work idk either way pls just let me know :(( i won’t bother u if ur rlllyyy busy

10:35 PM sorry if i’m being annoying btw

Yesterday  11:32 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

ok i thought about it reaaaaaallly hard and i don’t think i’ve done anything to make u mad or upset w me??? well aside from that time last last week that u got mad at me for accidentally messing w ur computer and deleting ur work files WHICH IM LIKE REALLY SORRY FOR but i fixed it!!!!! i thought we were good alrd!!! are u still mad at me 4 that ?

1:00 AM (y/n)?

1:28 AM idk  i thought i was ur best friend :(( did smth change???

2:47 AM pls pls reply :(( i know we can talk this out i don’t want us to not be ok

Today  3:00 PM 🐶 cutie puppy i’m coming over.

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

Sitting up from your bed, your heart thuds in anxiety as you quickly scroll through your chat history with Jaehyun. Your eyes hurt and your brain feels especially foggy, like you’re looking at the world through a particularly cloudy lens. How long did you sleep? The last thing you recall was working on your assignments last night, then choosing to sleep instead when you got overwhelmed. Even then, you slept fitfully. You remember setting an alarm at 9 AM today to continue working, but even as you sat at your desk, you couldn’t type a single sentence on your laptop. Everything felt muddled and it was as if you couldn’t understand anything at all. Even the cups of coffee you drank in desperation was of no use keeping you alert; all it did was make you palpitate.

Then you gave up, went back to bed, and you’re here now. Checking the chat timestamps, you realize you haven’t replied to Jaehyun’s messages in almost a week, which has never happened before—you talk almost everyday, even multiple times a day. Jaehyun’s last message was at 3 PM, when he said he’d come over. One look at your screen shows you it’s already 3:20. If you’ve memorized his schedule right, it takes your best friend thirty minutes to get to your dorm from his Fundamental Maths class. That means you have ten more minutes to get your shit together and clean your mess of a room. 

But right when you’ve mustered the energy to stand up, you hear a series of knocks on your door. That can’t be— “(Y/n), open up, I know you’re in there!” Jaehyun’s voice echoes from outside the door. “I asked your dormmate and she said you haven’t left your room since yesterday, so there’s no use pretending!” Shit, shit, shit! You immediately spring up and hastily fold your blankets and organize your desk, throwing away stray food wrappers and plastic cups. You open your blinds to let some air in, and the bright sunlight makes your head throb even more. 

On your way to the door, you spot yourself in the mirror. There’s no other word for it—you look like utter shit. Your eyebags are dark and prominent, your hair disheveled from tossing and turning in your sleep. You look horrendous, but Jaehyun is persistently knocking on your door, so you have no choice but to fix yourself up as fast as you can. You splash water on your face and smoothen down your hair and open the door—then there’s Jaehyun in all his glory. Your heart clenches seeing him; he looks as handsome as always, his bangs fluffy and soft and his letterman jacket fashionably oversized. He looks nothing like you in your ratty T-shirt with coffee stains and pajama shorts. His hand is halfway raised, positioned to knock at your door (he could and would probably do it all day if he had to). Upon seeing you, he blurts out: “Did I do something?”

Instead of answering him, you open your door wider as an invitation, and Jaehyun takes the hint, stepping into your dorm. Once the door is shut, Jaehyun peers at your messy room and remarks, “Wow. When was the last time you cleaned up? You’re usually not like this.”

You know he didn’t mean it like that, but his comment stings at you all the same. “Sorry, Jaehyun,” you snap, “not everyone can be at 200% energy all the time like you.” At his hurt expression, you backtrack. “Sorry, that was really rude of me.”

“It-It’s fine,” Jaehyun replies confusedly. Then he looks straight at you, eyes pleading. He’s picking at the stray thread hanging from his jacket, a habit you’ve come to known is something he does when he’s nervous. “You know what, I thought about it. For days, really, if I did anything that would make you mad and ignore me. But I couldn’t come up with anything at all. I was really worried when you didn’t reply to me for days on end, especially when we talk everyday. So if I did something, can—can you just tell me? I just want us to be okay.”

Your throat closes up and your heart pounds even faster, making you feel dizzy. You have no idea how to answer him, when all he’s ever seen of you is the perfect student who does everything right, who’s smart and good at what they do without any flaws or exceptions. How would he react if he saw you for who you really were?

The words can’t form in your mouth, and out of frustration at yourself, you tear up. Jaehyun notices this, eyes widening in worry, “(y/n), baby, no, no,” and pulls you into his arms. Almost instantly, the tears cascade down your face and sobs wrack your body. You feel pathetic crying in your best friend’s arms, but Jaehyun just soothes a hand up and down your back as you break down. His other arm is wrapped around your shoulders, and it feels like your anchor when you’re drowning in all your troubles. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he says in a hushed tone, “let it all out.” You grip his jacket even tighter as you bury your face in his chest. 

When was the last time you’ve ever been hugged like this? The last time you’ve ever been truly vulnerable to anyone without that mask of perfection you often don? The last time you felt safe just being yourself? You have no idea. All you know that is in the circle of Jaehyun’s arms, you want to be small and imperfect and yourself just this once.

After your cries die down, Jaehyun clears his throat. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don’t know what it is I did, but I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s not you, Jaehyun,” your voice is muffled by both your sniffles and Jaehyun’s chest. You don’t want Jaehyun to get the wrong idea that he’s hurt you in some way because of how broken he sounds thinking he’s done something to make you sad. “It’s just. Me.”

“You? What do you mean?” Jaehyun leads you into your room from the doorway. He’s holding your hand and doesn’t let go even when you both settle at the edge of your bed. His palm is warm and his grip loose enough in case you want to let go; you don’t. While you muster up the courage to speak, your best friend just sits there, waiting patiently. “It’s okay, whatever you say, I’m not going anywhere.” You don’t know that for sure, but him saying that makes you want to be truthful just this once, damn the consequences.

You take a deep breath, focusing on your intertwined fingers. You’re too scared to look at his face because you don’t want to see his reaction. “Jaehyun, what kind of person do you think people see me as?”

“Well…” He takes a moment to think about it. “Someone smart, talented, and who gets stuff done?”

In turn, you let out an resigned exhale. “Well, that’s the image I project. Of someone who’s perfect… someone who does things effortlessly. People think it comes easy to me. But it doesn’t. When people tell me that I didn’t need much effort to get to where I am now, I feel undermined. When I express I’m having a hard time, people brush it off and think I’m just overreacting. Because they think I’m perfect all the time. But honestly…? That’s the farthest thing from the truth."

Glancing up from your hands, you scan your room—your desk is a mess of papers and assignments that you have yet to get to. You can’t tell when the last time you spent time being actually productive when what you’ve been is fatigued out of your mind. When you try to sit at your desk and work, all you feel is difficulty concentrating and processing work and readings. Sleep has also proven to be elusive—no matter how long you lie in bed, you never feel well-rested. Simple actions and decisions require so much energy from you that you undeniably lack. You also constantly compare yourself to others, whom things like these come natural to them. But you’ve kept these feelings of yours secret for a long time—you’re utterly terrified that you’d be undermined for being useless and overly sensitive.   

“(Y/n)?” Jaehyun squeezes your hand, and you turn to meet his eyes. His eyes are sincere and kind. “I-I know I may not be the most empathic person, but I promise I’ll hear you out without judging you. I want to be here for you… and I hope you’ll let me. Please?” 

At this, you spill everything you’ve been feeling the past weeks—months, even—to Jaehyun. You stumble over your words and your breath gets caught in your throat, but he’s there to pat your back and to encourage you to keep going. Without you knowing, tears make their way down your face once again, and Jaehyun uses his other hand to gently brush them away. “It just gets so hard that I want to just. Give everything up. I don’t know what the use of trying so hard is when I see how other people don’t need this much effort to do even the most basic of tasks. It’s just so… unfair.”

When you’re finished with your rant, you don’t know what to expect from Jaehyun—but you’re stunned to see him crying. He’s sniffling and wiping at his eyes furiously. “Why…” You have no idea what he’s about to say, but you brace yourself for the worst. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” he whispers brokenly. “I didn’t know you were having such a difficult time. I feel like such a shitty friend for not even noticing. I’m sorry, (y/n).” Jaehyun’s eyes fill with tears and he starts “I… I thought we were best friends.” The best friends tell each other everything goes unsaid, but you know exactly what he meant.

“I…” You feel awful now for making Jaehyun cry. “You’re just. You just naturally have all this limitless energy. You’re…” Normal. Not like me. “I don’t know how if you were going to take me seriously if I told you what I was going through… There were times I’d see you, and I’d be so disappointed in myself for not being like you. And I was so scared that if I did tell you, I’d be letting you down.”

Jaehyun’s expression grows more miserable at this. “I-I’m sorry, (y/n), I never meant to make you feel unheard. And I never meant for it to feel like you couldn’t tell me about these things.” 

“It-It’s not your fault, Jaehyun,” you protest, but he shakes his head, obviously disappointed in himself.

“No, (y/n), I’m supposed to be your best friend. How stupid can I be if I can’t notice when you’re having a hard time? I didn’t even stop to ask how you’ve been doing because you seemed to be doing fine. But I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have taken things at face value. I’m such an idiot,” Jaehyun berates himself. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

At his sincere apology, you can’t help but admit it to yourself—you desperately needed Jaehyun’s support as your best friend, but you were too scared to ask for it. And honestly? You felt immensely lonely without his words and presence to comfort you. 

“(Y/n), I hope you know that I see how hard you work. I know your sleepless nights and how much effort you put into every single thing you do. Despite everything you’re going through, you’re always trying to be better than the person you were yesterday, and it’s something I truly admire about you. But I hope you know it’s okay to be imperfect and flawed and to not be okay. I want to be here on your good and bad days. I just wish I could’ve been more vocal about this earlier… I’ve really taken you for granted, huh?” Jaehyun sighs wetly, taking your hand in both of his. He’s still crying; you both are, actually. What a silly pair the two of you make. 

“Thank you for trusting me and sharing all of this. It literally means the world to me,” Jaehyun rambles. “I promise I’ll be a better friend to you, someone you feel safe opening up to about anything, whether that be your achievements or your struggles. And (y/n), if it’s not too much to ask… Could I ask you to be more honest with me in the future?” He stares at you imploringly. “I don’t want you to think you have to go through all of this alone. I want to be here for you the same way you’ve always been there for me… Okay?”

“....Okay. Okay, I’ll try,” you respond softly. “Thank you, Jaehyun. I… I’ve never told anyone about this before. But thank you so much for just listening, and not judging, and accepting me for me…” While you appreciate Jaehyun’s presence at this moment, a new wave of fatigue washes over you with all this emotional vulnerability and talking. “Jaehyun… I’m still feeling really tired, so I might go back to sleep. Sorry, I know you came all the way here to see me, but here I am being shit company,” you apologize regretfully.

“Oh! That’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jaehyun stands up from your bed to leave. When your fingers slip from each other, you feel an acute loss of warmth—both in your hands and in your heart. He makes his way to the door, slipping on his shoes, and your heart sinks. There’s something you badly want to ask of Jaehyun, but you’re too much of a coward to tell him what you truly want. You don’t want to be on your own right now, but you’d probably be asking too much of him. Accepting your fate, you settle in bed, attempting to take a nap so restless you’re sure will be of no help to your exhaustion.

However, Jaehyun himself stops in the doorway. He turns back around, a distraught look on his face. “(Y/n)... I don’t want to assume, but are you sure you want to be alone right now?” he begins. “I mean, we just had this really heavy talk. Can… Can I keep you company? I promise I’m great at cuddles—that’s what all my other friends say anyway when I annoy them with my hugs.”

When you nod, that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to shuck off his shoes, strip his jacket, and climb into bed with you. With your ear against his steady heartbeat and his comforting arm around you, you’re asleep in no time. It’s the best you’ve ever slept in months.

[harmonicakai]

Was It Something I Said?

Part 5 of the "Anyone Else But You" series

Pairing: Huening Kai x Reader

Summary: It gets harder and harder for you and Kai to pretend like there isn't something going on between the two of you.

Tropes: enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, fluff, angst, stylist!reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex (mdni!!!!), reader is insecure, miscommunication, alcohol, injuries

A/N: ahhh this series is almost over!!! i'm gonna miss it so much, but there's still plenty to come :-)

FIC INSPIRED PLAYLIST <3

“Did I fuck it up again? Are we destined to be friends? I wanna give you more than that” —Be Around Me, Will Joseph Cook

Kai and the boys have been in Japan for two days now, but with the amount of times that he has you on the phone, it feels like he never even left. Even if he refuses to talk about what happened at the album party, things are going pretty well between you and him.

You’re about to head out the door when your phone rings. You don’t even need to check the caller ID.

“Y/N, you didn’t call! The show’s about to start and you didn’t call!” Kai’s voice rings out of your phone’s speaker. While you can tell he’s mostly joking, he’s also a little worked up.

“Kai, we just talked, like, two hours ago. You know I have that date tonight.” Oh, he knows.

“Yeah, but I like when you call right before I’m about to go on stage. You’re my good luck charm.”

“You’re just being superstitious.”

“I wish you could see me pouting right now.” His sad puppy dog visuals pop into your head.

“Ugh, fine,” you relent. “You’re going to do amazing, Hyuka. Fighting!”

“That’s my girl!” he laughs, immediately ready to give his all on the stage. “I miss you so much.” 

His affection catches you off guard and you go quiet. 

“Hello?” he asks. “Y/N, are you there?”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m still here. Call me back so I can know how it went, okay?”

“You know I will,” he assures you. There’s obvious disappointment in his voice.

“Hueningie, it’s time to go!” you hear Taehyun call in the background.

“I have to go. Bye. Have fun on your date!”

“Bye,” you say. He ends the call and you feel an ache in your stomach. You miss him too, so why couldn’t you have just said it back?

When you finally get out the front doors of your building, Seongjin’s already waiting for you, flowers in hand. You note his outfit, something similar to what you have pinned on your “boyfriend manifestation” moodboard.

“Hey,” he says, holding the bouquet out to you. “These are for you.”

“They’re lovely,” you smile, bringing them to your nose to sniff them. You love the smell of roses. “I don’t think anybody’s ever gotten me flowers before.”

“Well, there’s more where that came from.” Seongjin’s hand finds its way into yours. He’s bold and romantic, even dressing exactly how you’d like him to. He’s checking off all of your boxes, and yet something feels off.

As the two of you walk towards the city’s center, you actually have no clue what he’s planned for tonight until he stops outside of a restaurant that you’ve had on your bucket list for years now.

“You’re joking!” you say in disbelief. “You have to get a reservation months in advance to eat here, and even then it’s impossible.”

“I called in a few favors,” he grins, holding the door open for you. You blush, wondering what you’ve done to deserve even a fraction of the effort he’s gone through.

The dinner’s going okay. There’s just something about the way that Seongjin’s meticulously planned everything, even his responses to your small talk, that makes you suspicious. He feels too perfect, almost unreal.

You find yourself focusing more on the delicious food than on any of what he’s been saying.

“You know,” he starts, “I only went to that album party because I knew you’d be there.”

The hint of Seongjin speaking in a less rehearsed way grabs your attention. You look up to see him grinning.

“No, you didn’t,” you laugh, dismissing him. “You probably didn’t even know who I was before Yeonjun introduced us.”

“Of course I did. I’ve thought you were cute for a while now. The way you’re always running around with your arms full of clothes. I can’t wait to debut so you can dress me up.”

You can’t believe that anybody had even noticed you around the building, let alone taken a romantic interest. If only somebody else felt that way. 

“Well, does that mean you’re not a big fan of TXT?” you ask, sipping your wine. You’re mostly joking, but also curious what his honest opinion of the group is.

“I mean, obviously, I think my uncle makes great songs for them. But besides Yeonjun, I don’t think they’re the kind of guys I’d really hang out with, you know?”

Your face heats up at his answer and your energy shifts. “No, I don’t know. Care to explain?”

“The other guys just seem so dorky. Not to mention half of them were wasted at a work event. Like that Huening kid whose outburst interrupted our conversation. What was that about anyway?”

“It’s none of your business,” you scoff, setting your silverware down. “And he’s not a kid. He’s almost twenty-two.”

“Look, Y/N, I know you’re close with them. I didn’t mean to make you upset. We don’t have to talk about this anymore.”

“You’re right, we don’t,” you say, standing up and gathering your things. “Thank you for dinner. I’ll see you around, I guess.”

On your way home, you start to wonder if you’ve made a mistake blowing off someone so well connected, but the way he talked about your friends makes your blood boil. 

Then again, things had been going just fine before then. Maybe you should’ve just smiled and nodded like you usually do. You’re not sure when you’ll ever get asked on another date again, let alone one that was planned so well.

Suddenly, your phone rings and for some reason, you answer. “What do you want now, Kai?!” you snap into the speaker.

“Whoa,” an unexpected voice replies, dragging out the word. “Actually, it’s Yeonjun.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry,” you groan, embarrassed at your attitude. “Hi, Jun.”

“So, I’m guessing your date didn’t go very well?”

“I think I’m going to get fired,” you huff, finally reaching your building again.

“That bad, huh? Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know. He’s handsome and thoughtful and everything I could ask for really, but there wasn’t any sort of spark. Plus he called everyone in the group except you dorky, and that’s when I just got up, thanked him, and left.”

“Everyone else is dorky, Y/N. You really couldn’t wait until the end of dinner because of that?” 

“Fine, it’s stupid when I say it out loud. But the damage is already done,” you sigh, digging through your purse for your keys.

“I’m sure he’d reconsider if you apologize,” he reasons with you. You’re not sure that you actually have anything to be sorry about.

“I shouldn’t have to! He was making fun of Kai!” That’s it, you realize. That’s the reason you’re so upset. Of course this is somehow about him.

“Ah, I see now,” Yeonjun says, dropping the issue. “Well, hopefully you won’t run into him at work much.”

“Hopefully,” you agree. “How was the show?”

“It was amazing,” he muses. “I really played off the crowd’s energy, and they loved my solo stage.”

“That’s awesome, Jun,” you smile back. Ever since you and Kai have grown closer, it’s felt like Yeonjun has taken a backseat. “Anything interesting happen?”

“Soobin tried to do the Water challenge,” he laughs. “We all ran to cover him up, though. Beomgyu played the guitar, and MOA kept mentioning how Taehyun looked like Ash Ketchum.”

“Maybe you guys need to do a Pokémon concept,” you think out loud. You don’t fail to notice that Yeonjun has conveniently left out Kai from his recap, as if he’s testing to see whether you’ll bring him up first.

“Would I get to be a fire type trainer?” Yeonjun asks. So, he really isn’t going to mention how Kai did tonight. You bite your lip, resisting the urge to ask about him.

“Yes, of course. I think Soobin would be water, Beomgyu grass, and Taehyun psychic. Actually, wait. Maybe Beomgyu would have fairy types.”

“And Kai?” Yeonjun finally relents. You breathe out in relief at the mention of him.

“He’d be electric,” you decide. “Or normal. Whichever ones are the cutest, really.”

“You wanna know how the concert went for him, don’t you?” he asks.

“No, it’s okay, Jun,” you brush him off. “We can talk about whatever you want.”

“Y/N. It’s cool. I’ve just been messing with you.” You can practically hear him smirking through the phone.

“Oh,” you twiddle your thumbs. “Well, yes, then tell me how he did.”

Yeonjun sucks in a breath. “First off, I don’t want you to get worried.”

“Okay? Why would I be worried?”

Yeonjun hesitates before answering you. “He’s at the hospital right now.” Your stomach drops.

“What?! Is that what you were hiding from me?”

“I knew it would make you upset, Y/N. It’s not a big deal. It’s probably just a sprain, alright?”

“But he’s hurt,” you sigh. “Is that the reason you called me and not him?”

“Can’t I just want to hear my dear friend’s voice and ask how her date went?”

“Mhmm, sure.” You side eye him through the phone, plopping down onto your bed. You’re too tired to change out of your date clothes.

“Okay, fine,” he continues. “Kai did ask me to call you while the doctor checks him out. He knew it would probably be all over social media and didn’t want you to worry.”

“It’s probably my fault he injured himself,” you mutter, kicking off your shoes. “I hope it’s not too bad.”

“Y/N, he’s fine,” Yeonjun assures you. “And how could it possibly be your fault? We aren’t even in the same country right now. The stage was probably just wet because of the rain from earlier.”

“I think I made him upset right before you guys went on stage. He said he missed me and I didn’t say it back, but I think he wanted me to.”

“Hmm, I guess he did seem a little down now that you mention it.”

“Well, tell him I said sorry.” Knowing that he was noticeably off tonight because of you makes you feel horrible. If you had just said it back, he probably could’ve focused on the show better.

“I mean, if you want to wait and tell him yourself, he’ll probably be back any second now.”

“I don’t really feel like talking anymore. Night, Jun. I’ll see you later.” Before Yeonjun can say bye, you’ve already hung up. You’ve never been more confused over your emotions than tonight.

Throwing a pillow over your head, you scream into it. Your love life is in shambles and all you can think about is Huening Kai’s stupid, possibly-sprained ankle.

—————-

When Kai’s plane lands, you’re the first person he wants to see. Before he even left, he made sure that you had a key to the apartment, something Yeonjun was always too lazy to do.

You haven’t brought up the disaster of a date you went on while he was away, and to your relief, he hasn’t asked about it either. It’s almost as if he doesn’t care that it happened.

Getting him to agree to watch the new Mean Girls remake for your weekly movie night was much easier than you expected. You had even prepared a whole speech for why he should relent even though it was supposed to be his choice tonight.

“It’s a musical,” you reasoned. “You’ll like it!”

You were very, very wrong. The movie was horrible, but at least that meant that the two of you could hate-watch it together.

“Those lyrics…” he starts, rubbing his temples as the closing credits played.

“And the costumes!” They were not going to age well.

“That was really bad,” he laughs. “That’s the last time I’m letting you pick when it’s my turn.”

“I have a feeling I’ll still be able to charm you in the future,” you say, batting your eyelashes.

“That is so not fair.” He crosses his arms. “Why are you so cute?”

“It’s my superpower,” you say, grinning. A few months ago, you would’ve never said something like that, but Kai makes you feel so much better about yourself.

The way you’re looking at him makes him blush, and he glances away hoping you haven’t noticed. His gaze focuses on the clock on the wall.

“Oh, Y/N, it’s past two.” Kai says. Time always seems to disappear when you’re together. “Do you want me to walk you home?”

Thunder booms outside the window and you can hear raindrops hitting the roof.

“That might be a bad idea. I can just call a car,” you say, grabbing your phone. He stops you.

“Just stay here,” he offers. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“You can’t sleep on the couch,” you disagree. “Yeonjun will think we’re mad at each other.”

“Well, if we sleep in here together, he’ll probably start planning our wedding.”

“I guess we’re losers in this game, huh?” you say, immediately cringing at the pun. The two of you exchange glances before cracking up.

Kai always takes longer to stop laughing than you. “Okay, how about this. You take the bed and I’ll sleep on the floor,” he says, still giddy.

“But it’s your bed! I can sleep on the floor.”

“I am not letting you sleep on the floor. You’re my guest.”

“This is stupid, Kai. Yeonjun doesn’t know the difference whether one of us sleeps on the floor or in the bed. We might as well just share.”

“But you snore, remember?”

“There’s actually no real evidence to that claim,” you refute.

“Well, it’s a twin sized bed. I might crush you.”

“I don’t need that much space. We can even sleep head to toe, if you want.”

“My feet stink. Your feet stink.” The effort he was going through to not share a bed with you was eating away at you. You’re sure he’s slept with his group mates plenty of times before, so what difference did it make?

“Oh my god! Fine, sleep on the floor.” You throw a pillow and one of his many plushies his way, turning on your side to face the wall. 

“Are you mad at me?” he asks from behind, his voice now quiet and careful. To be honest, you’re not quite sure whether you’re being serious or not.

You turn over to look at him, sitting on the edge of the bed, petting the plushie’s head.

“Kai,” you sit up. “Kai, look, I’m sorry. I’m not mad.”

“I feel like I’m always putting my foot in my mouth when I’m around you.”

“You’re not. I wouldn’t spend so much time with you if I didn’t want to.” You cup his cheek, running your thumb over one of his moles. “I promise.”

Yeonjun isn’t afraid to check you when you’re in the wrong, but Kai is too sweet to deal with any sort of confrontation. It’s something you’ve been having to adjust to lately.

“We can share the bed. I didn’t mean to make it seem like it was a bad thing,” he says. Sometimes you think he can read your mind.

“Okay,” you say, making room for him. He turns off the lamp and climbs in next to you, making sure to leave a big enough gap so he doesn’t touch you. Even in the dark, it’s obvious that he’s lying halfway off the mattress.

“You can come closer,” you say. God forbid he falls onto the floor in the middle of the night and it’s your fault for hogging all of the bed.

He moves inward, your faces so close that your noses are nearly touching. You could probably count his freckles from here.

Sure, every once in a while, you’ll lay your head on his shoulder or he’ll lay his in your lap, but this is much more intimate. Suddenly, your heartbeat feels too fast to fall asleep anymore.

“Y/N,” Kai whispers, although he already has your full attention. You like the way he says your name. His fingers grip your waist under the sheets, bringing you even closer. 

You tremble under his touch, his eyes locked on yours. This is a dangerous game.

In seconds, his mouth is pressed against yours, desperate and hungry. You’ve been kissed by boys before, but never like this. You can’t get enough of him.

You run your fingers through his hair, still soft even after several sessions of bleach. Like that night in the cab, you feel him hard against you, except now it’s intentional. It feels good.

Kai climbs on top of you, finding his way between your legs without breaking the kiss. You wonder how often he’s done this.

“We shouldn’t,” you breathe as he presses kisses along your collarbone, although it’s lost between your heavy sighs.

His hand grazes the waistband of your shorts. Visions of him doing the same with other girls—specifically the one from that morning—pop into your head. Panicking, you pull away from his kiss, using all of your strength to push him off of you.

“Y/N?” he asks, his lips puffy and his brows knitted in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

“I have to go,” you say, tugging down the hemline of your t-shirt, which had ridden up during the exchange. You hop off the bed and attempt to find your sneakers in the dark.

“Please don’t go,” he pleads with you, grabbing onto your wrist. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It was stupid.”

You turn back to him, tears welling up in your eyes. “It was stupid?”

“No! That’s not what I meant. I just—I don’t want to do anything that could ruin our friendship. You mean too much to me, Y/N. I shouldn’t have kissed you, no matter how much I wanted to and no matter how good it felt.”

“It felt good?” you say, stepping towards him. It’s a relief to know he at least enjoyed it as much as you did.

“Really good,” Kai admits. “But it shouldn’t have happened. I can’t risk losing you.”

“Right.” It’s a really good point. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

“So… no kissing.”

“No kissing,” you agree.

“Anything else off the table?” He asks this in a way that you can’t tell if he’s flirting with you or not. You decide to take the risk and step closer to him. 

“I think cuddling is fair game. It would be too great a loss to our friendship.” You hold his hand.

“Mhmm, definitely.” He helps you climb back onto the bed before following suit, pressing his chest to your back, enveloping you in his warmth.

“You know, if I had you around in the wintertime, I’d save a lot on my heating bill,” you point out. 

“Go to sleep, silly,” Kai laughs, nuzzling his head into the nook above your shoulder. 

“Fine. Goodnight,” you yawn, your eyelids feeling heavier by the second.

“Sweet dreams, Y/N,” he whispers, although you’re already sound asleep, your soft snores filling the room.

—————-

When you wake up, Kai is gone. He’s left a note on the bedside table that reads: Went to get breakfast. Be back soon :-)

You stumble into the living room, rubbing your eyes as sunlight streams through the balcony doors. Yeonjun sits at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of cereal and watching footage from the group’s latest dance rehearsal.

“Be honest, did you and Huening fuck last night?”

“Good morning to you, too.”

“Come on, Y/N. I heard some suspicious shit when I went to the kitchen to grab water and unless he’s doing some magical switcharoo, you’ve been the only girl around for the last few months.”

“Is this some weird cross examination? Are you going to compare my story to his?” You try not to smile at the notion that Kai has stopped seeing other girls, but it makes you giddy.

“I wish. He wouldn’t tell me anything,” Yeonjun huffs.

“Well, if you must know, we made out for a few minutes. I panicked. He panicked. We both agreed to never do it again. End of story.”

“That’s no fun.”

“It’s not, but it prevents us from doing something we might regret and breaking up the entire friend group.”

“Do you like him like that?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”

“It kind of does, Y/N. I’m pretty sure that boy is head over heels in love with you.”

The thought of Huening Kai being in love with you stops you dead in your tracks. Your Kai, secretly pining for your affection? You decide that it’s nothing more than a fantasy.

“That’s impossible,” you shrug. “It was just a moment of weakness between two friends. Nothing more, okay?”

Before you can discuss this any further, Kai is walking through the front door, coffee and pastries in hand.

“Y/N, you’re awake! I was scared I’d have to get you out of bed myself. Yeonjun was warning me how grumpy you are in the mornings.”

“She’s a monster,” Yeonjun says. You flick him on the side of the head. “Ouchie.”

“I don’t doubt it,” he giggles, unpacking enough doughnuts to feed an army. “I didn’t know which one you wanted, Y/N, so I just tried to pick ones I thought you’d like.” 

“I love honeydew, so you picked well,” you say, taking a bite of one with bright green filling. “Mmm! Where’d you get these?”

“Old Ferry Donut. It’s across town, but totally worth the trip. I go with my sisters all the time. You should come with us next time.”

“Ooh, introducing Y/N to the family. It’s getting serious,” Yeonjun teases. Kai shoots him a dirty look. He takes the hint, grabbing a couple of doughnuts on the way back to his bedroom.

“He can be such a dick sometimes,” Kai sighs.

“Yes, but he’s our dick,” you insist, trying not to let him ruin the moment.

“I suppose that’s true,” he laughs. It always makes you feel good about yourself whenever you manage to cheer him up. Usually, that’s his job with you. “I’d really like for Lea and Hiyyih to meet you, though. I think you’d all get along super well.”

“Then let’s set something up. I’m free all day,” you say, your mouth full of food.

“Really, Y/N?” Kai asks. You nod in agreement and his eyes light up at your enthusiasm. “This is awesome! I’ll text them right now!”

Maybe, just maybe, he really is in love with you.

—————-

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P.S.: Please shoot me an ask or a reply if you’d like to be added to (or removed from) the taglist! Also, I struggle to keep up with different lists for individual members, but if you really don’t want to be tagged on all of my works, just let me know and I will do my best to keep things separate <3

[cartierdreamx]

HER MUSE (18+)

hi my little honey bunches! i hope your weekend was amazing and that this week brings you joy, laughter and love, as promised, this is my 400 follower smut oneshot special!!! congrats to @tamberandwenclairenjoyer for guessing my name but definitely a special shout out to those who tried so so hard to guess, and wow you guys tried hard, and a big shout out to you, my fellow readers <3 i may not be the biggest writer or get a lot of notes (it’s a hit or miss most times), but i wouldn’t be here with my little family if it weren’t for you, so thank you <3 i appreciate every single one of you and am 4ever grateful you enjoy my work. J <333

to my beautiful muse, @talialeih 🤍

Pairings: jenna ortega x fem! Reader 

Warnings: SMUT, just pure filthy smut, the filthiest thing i have ever written, possessive jenna. 

Summary: sometimes you seem to forget that you’re hers and only hers. 

Words: 5k+ 

This fic is STRICTLY 18+, as it involves adult themes, minors DNI, you are responsible for your own social media intake, which includes reading entertainment, which this fic falls under, so one last warning- this fic is 18+. Thank you!

*though my fics have real people, my fics are just for entertainment and far from reality*

~~

“Baby?” You hear a distant voice in desperation, “are you doneee?” Your beautiful yet very impatient girlfriend annunciates from the other side of your door, you can’t help but giggle at her childlike attitude, she was older than you by just a few months but sometimes you can’t help but think you’re the older one.

Placing your second earring in, you take one more look at yourself in the mirror, wink, and glide towards the door where you’re your restless love sits on the other side. Once you open the door, Jenna’s clearly annoyed facial expressions soften up, the sight of your beauty had enough force to relax her eyebrows and jaw, unhinging it from itself as she subconsciously drops her mouth wide open, you swear you see saliva build up as she salivates over you. Walking over to your girlfriend as she leans on the back of the couch, placing yourself between her legs, you close her jaw and lift it just slightly, so your eyes are locked.

“Perfection takes time.” You say as you jokingly wipe the corner of her mouth as if some of her drool escaped her lips.

“You are always perfect, mi cariño, so time is nothing.” Jenna coos at you, now caressing your waist and looking you up and down as she bites the inner tissue of her lip, making your cheeks erupt in red.

“What happened to the rush? You were practically begging me to hurry up.”

She lets out a huff, still locked on your figure, the grip she has on your waist even tighter and possessive than before, her entire body was on fire. On fire, because of you. “I don’t even think this dinner is that important, let’s just stay home and relax, I can help you take your dress off.” She mumbles trying so hard not to let you see her desperation, but it was too late, you could see how hungry she was for you, how she wanted your sweet nectar smeared all over her lips.

Lucky for her, you felt the same way, the way you longed for her slender fingers to be in you, hooking the tissue around it, her fingers were sure to be cold resulting in an extra loud gasp as you welcome her in. How you craved to sit on her lap with your arms slinged over her neck, whispering nothing but seductions into her ear making her neck hairs stand. The hunger she felt was mutual, you were just doing a better job at hiding it. Ironically, being the better actor despite you being a writer.

You tsk at her lust, “Come on baby, we can’t be late,” leaning in you tease, “maybe later you can take this off.”

Despite Jenna claiming this dinner wasn’t important and staying home would be the better choice, to absolutely no one’s surprise, not even the flies the linger in the backyard, she was lying, this was Anne Hathaway’s annual formal dinner, at first you were Jenna’s plus one but as your writing grew, as you made a name for yourself, that didn’t have Jenna plastered on it, you became a guest, just like Jenna. Of-course, being each other’s forever person, you two always went together, politely denying Anne’s generous plus one that she gave every guest.

“What car do you want to take, baby?”

“The McLaren.” You cheese at her, “can I drive?”

“Perfect choice! And no.” She cheeses back at you; except she was playfully mocking you.

Without fail Jenna always opens the door for you and guides you in whilst she holds your hand, tonight was no different, no matter the occasion she always held doors for you, ever since meeting Jenna, whenever you were with her, all the doors would be left untouched by you. “Mi princesa,” she air kisses at you when sliding into your seat, all you could do was laugh and roll your eyes.

Once in the car, your hands head straight for the radio, connecting your Bluetooth to the screen, scrolling through your endless RnB playlist you finally settle on a song.

Don’t. Don’t play with her, don’t be dishonest (ayy).

“WHEWWWW” You scream out as Jenna starts the engine, giving it a rev before she zooms off, “I LOVE THIS SONG.” You exclaim making Jenna laugh at your infatuation with this song, RnB in general. “SING IT GIRLFRAND.” You scream one last time, hoping Jenna joins in with the singing.

Though her eyes were on you now so she could sing to you, she was a great driver and had eyes everywhere so you two were always safe, “I want you bad as EVERRRR, don’t let me just let up.”

“I wanna give you better, baby, it’s whateverrrrr.” Continuing on, a few more lines of you two belting each word out as if you were front row and Bryson’s concert, you two were so in love, so filled with raw emotions and lust and you didn’t think you could melt anymore in this car but as soon as the line left hand is steerin’ the other is grippin’ your thigh, Jenna grabs your thigh almost man handling it that her fingers divots into your skin making you gasp a little and in retaliation she giggles.

You can’t help but cheese at her as your cheeks paint with blush, your eyes sparking at hers as your Fenty highlighter compliments your eyes, its colour and configuration, and once Jenna sets her gaze on you again, that same hungry look as if she hadn’t eaten in weeks, hadn’t eaten you in weeks, when in reality she was drowning in your ocean last night, the way your slick coated her lips and tongue and the way she transferred it to you as she made her way to your lips devouring every inch of your mouth, her tongue sliding down your throat.

A bunch more RnB songs later, mainly consisting of Frank Ocean and Giveon, Jenna pulls into the location mentioned in the invitation. Anne was a host genius, she never held her dinners at the same place and never served the same food, this year, the location felt so regal, like royalty, embodying and making homage to her Princess Diaries days. Though you two were at the gates waiting to get the all clear from the guards, you could see the tan palace adorned with ivy all over from the distance, at the end of a long drive way with pine trees and rose bushes on the sides.

“Wonder if they’re running by foot to Anne to get the confirmation.” Jenna jokes out considering it was taking a while for them to open the gate, as she grew even more restless by the second, that same hand that was on your thigh slowly starts making its way towards your garden making you perk up a bit as the soft ticklish feeling takes you by surprise, and as much as you wanted her to keep going, you know you can’t let her.

“Baby...” You breathe out, trying to collect your senses as her warm fingers hooks underneath an opening of your panties, her middle finger right above your now pulsating clit.

“Say please, pretty girl.” Jenna practically barks at you, your mind is telling you no, but your body is indicating the opposite, your desire for her to dive into you, two fingers in you and another rubbing circles on your clit as she marks every visible inch of you purple.

You lean into her ear, making your hips buck up so her finger was resting on your clit, making you seethed into her ear, “baby, no, be patient.” In scenarios like these, you barely said no, you two were always down, bathing in pleasure, juices and cum. Not wanting to take your ‘no’ for an answer she whispers back, her attempt to seduce you, “if you were a sin, you’d be the one I’d indulge in.” God, after that you weren’t sure how much self-control you had left, when most of the time, your sensualities would have none. But one of you had to remember what decorum is and unfortunately, it had to be you.

As you guide her hands out of your panties, you hear her sigh and “aww,” as she licks the finger that made contact with your clit, making you giggle, but before you could reassure her that she was sure to have all of you tonight, the guards finally come back with their confirmation, opening the gate.

“We apologise for the delay Ms. Ortega and Ms. l/n, but you’re all clear, welcome.” You and Jenna flash a smile as she starts driving off, acting as if they didn’t nearly witness a free show. Once Jenna puts the car in park amongst the other luxury vehicles, Bugatti, Porsche, a white Ferrari even, the same scenario played out, your door would remain untouched by you as Jenna scurries out and opens the door for you, taking your hand and kissing it as you step out.

As you walked side by side, arms linked, Jenna made sure to slow down when walking up the stretched out tan stairs that led up to the glorious door, not wanting you to slip and hurt yourself. Jenna was also in heels but not as high as yours and the fact that she was wearing a suit made it easier for her to walk, not having to worry about slipping on a floor length dress.

When you two reach the top, the double doors are opened from the inside with doormen in fashionable, yet regal suits on both sides, bowing their heads slightly as you both walked in, almost as if you two were royalty. And the first thing you noticed was the grand staircase that stretched from one side of the room to another, adorned with an emerald, green runner, complimenting the gold railings that had sculpted art attached to them going downwards. “Fucking you on that staircase would be a dream.” Jenna whispers into your ears, you’re not surprised that she’s still horny and fiending for you because you felt the same.

“Y/N! JENNA!” You both turn your heads and see Anne in this gorgeous gold gown with a matching cape that was longer than her dress, greeting you both with open arms. The two of you greet her with glee, exchanging kisses on the cheek, making jokes about how long you two waited to get in, which made her laugh too, she ushered you two where the rest of the guests were, the decadent dining room with a pure crystal chandelier hanging from above, the décor was on point like every other year, and despite the dinner being a big executive dinner, the ambiance felt warm and welcoming, seeing people you’re close with, people you’ve seen at Anne’s annual dinner and some new faces you cannot wait to meet. Anne’s hospitable nature tells you to help yourself to the giant charcuterie board that was almost as long as the the table itself, she also mentioned that not everyone was here, but dinner will commence then.

For the next twenty minutes you catch up with old friends, well, you don’t think you can consider them as friends as all they ever did was treat you like a daughter so if anything, old mother figures? You hoped to talk to more people, but you hadn’t seen Sandra and Sarah in so long, it was set in stone that you three would stick together, gossiping and devouring the soft cheeses and spicy cured meats laid out in front of you, making sure not to spoil your appetite for the main event though whilst Jenna mingled with others across the room.

Once everyone arrived, Anne had everyone find their seats, the name cards above the plates indicating where you were sitting, obviously Jenna would be sitting beside you, on your left, and then she sat Sandra and Sarah in front of you, as you go to check who would on your right, the fangirl in you jumps out as you silently squeal, grabbing Jenna’s attention.

“What is it, hermosa?” She asks all confused as to why you reacted like this.

“Does this card read Malina Weissman, or am I tripping?” Pointing to the card a few inches away from yours.

Jenna leans in past your shoulders to read the card and confirms your statement, “yes, baby, that does say Malina, what about it?” And once Jenna confirmed it, you try so hard to contain your excitement, you swear you nearly vibrate the entire room, “baby?”

“It’s Malina Weissman.” You finally manage to spit out, only making Jenna more confused and slightly threatened seeing you gush over another woman.

“Yes, it is, she’s an incredible and very underrated actress but what’s with the fangirling?”

“I used to be OBSESSED with her when I was younger, I fell in love with her and her character Violet when I watched ASOUE.”

“In love?” Jenna softly scoffs, she won’t admit it, but jealousy was plaguing her, and it was so obvious that everyone around you two were snickering, and this included, Sandra Bullock, Sarah Paulson, Helena Bonham Carter, Rihanna, AND Anne Hathaway. You glare at them, giving them a ‘don’t instigate anything’ look but you knew they would either way.

“Well, not in love, I just had a slight crush on her, that’s all.” Pouting your lips as you lift your shoulders up and down, and before she could relax and let all her worries float away, your so-called mother figures who weren’t supposed to instigate anything, INSTIGATED SOMETHING.

“Uhhh, actually,” Sarah starts, “we heard it was a big crush, lasting a few years.” You shut your eyes hopping this wouldn’t go on, but your hope wasn’t strong enough. Rih continues, “and she even wrote and published a story on Wattpad where she was a love interest and wrote herself in as the main character.”

“YOU WHAT?” Jenna raises her voice, jealousy pouring out of her ears, you start laughing even though you wanted the instigating to stop, cupping her soft face yet tensed jaw, you reassure her, “baby, it was a long time ago.”

“Oh!” Anne starts.

You crane your neck past Jenna’s head to look at her, “oh, don’t start PLEASE.”

“We forgot to mention that y/n actually posted a tik tok about how infatuated she was over her and Malina saw and liked!” You lift your palms to your face, wanting your suffering to end.

“Both tik toks.” Sandra and Helena say in unison.

Jenna looks back at you with furrowed eyebrows, “TWO?” You give the five of them death stares, a stare only a daughter would give their mother, making them sit down and start fidgeting with their plates and start engaging with each other instead.

“Baby, you have nothing to worry about, she has a boyfriend and plus she doesn’t even swing this way.” You reassure her.

She pulls you in by your waist and nibbles your ear, whispering in “you’re mine and mine only.” Making your spine stand up straight and your neck hairs stick up, along with raising goosebumps all over your exposed skin.

“I’m yours and yours only.”

Before you two could break apart, you hear a soft cough behind you, “uh, I don’t mean to interrupt this cuteness, but it seems I’ve been seated next to you.” You turn around and see a beautiful woman with brunette hair, bangs, legs for days, the bluest eyes and the softest white skin you’ve ever laid your eyes upon. Brunette and bangs, it seems like you have a type.

Your eyes light up, “hi! Sorry, it’s so nice to meet you,” you extend your hand out, “oh, get that out of here.” She softly slaps your hand out of the way and pulls you in for a tight, welcoming hug, which you gladly reciprocate, however it gets the jealousy in Jenna starting again. After introductions, well tense introductions on Jenna’s part, Anne addresses the guests and has everyone seated and excited for the first course, a seafood marinara accompanied with pieces of fresh baguette.

Once settled in, you and Malina start talking more, laughing at each other’s jokes and enjoying the delicious food plated in front of you, you didn’t mean to, but it made Jenna even more jealous, seeing her girl, her lady, her woman entertaining another. To be fair, in Jenna’s eyes, everything was exaggerated.

“NO WAY, you used to have a crush on me?” Malina asks with wide eyes.

“Yessss way, you liked my tik toks too, made me freak out so hard.”

“Ahhhh, I’m flattered really, and if I so didn’t have a boyfriend and I did like girls that way, I so would’ve asked you out.” She confesses.

Woah oh. To no one’s surprise, the instigator fives and Jenna were listening into your conversation and once the five heard what she said, they all looked at each other with yikes on their faces. Jenna on the other hand had jealousy painted all over it, red for jealousy and green for greed, the way she was so possessive over you, how she couldn’t bare seeing you being flirted with. It wasn’t toxic or anything because it didn’t hurt you, actually you found it hot and attractive. Knowing she can’t make a scene, she grits her teeth and digs into the main course a surf n turf, which included seared steaks and the biggest lobster tail your eyes set on.

Halfway through eating the main course, you feel cold slender fingers caress your thigh up and down, you try your best to ignore it as you and Mali were locked in a conversation, but the more she moves towards your pussy, the harder it is for you to hold conversation with Mali. But because luck was on your side, someone from the other side of Mali, asked her a question, which she politely paused your conversation to answer them, giving you the chance to once again guide Jenna’s hands away from your pussy.

“Jenna, come on, decorum.” Was all you could say to her before turning back to Mali as her conversation was over with the other person, the fire in Jenna was burning with jealousy and now she was starting to get mad at you, the way you keep entertaining Malina, how Malina was gawking over what’s hers.

After the food part of the dinner was over, everyone was free to roam and mingle around the palace, Jenna was quick to leave her seat but you didn’t think anything of it, instead, you and your new friend Mali decide to continue your convos while touring the place. After five minutes, you find yourself admiring this giant painting and its colours with her along with talking about other things.

“Oh my, I forgot to mention earlier, but congrats on the new season of Black Mirror!”

“OH EM GEE, you watch it?”

“YES! I’m a big fan of Black Mirror and when I found out you were writing for season six, I was so stoked, I’m a huge fan of you and your work, so this was such a cool thing to experience.”

“Well, I am flattered, thank you very much.”

“Nooo, thank you.” Both of you guys start laughing, you don’t notice that Jenna found you guys and now is walking towards you two, but Mali does.

“Ah, there she is, your muse.” Mali points to Jenna and waves hello, Jenna waving back even though her feelings were all over the place.

“Her muse,” Jenna repeats, wrapping her arm around your waist, holding onto it tightly, a lot more than usual but it felt nice so you didn’t object to it.

“I really do hate to barge into this conversation, but could I steal y/n away for a moment?”

“It’s no problem at all, please go head, go do some cute couple shit, I’ll be around.” And with that, Jenna smiles at her, and whisks you away, you didn’t even have time to collect your thoughts or say a proper bye, to be fair you thought you’d be back. But now, Jenna leads you into one of the many luxurious bathrooms and locks the door shut.

“Baby?” You ask all confuse.

“The only words that will leave your mouth next is yes ma’am.” She says, ever so dominantly.

Not wanting to piss her off even more, which clearly you have, you comply, “yes ma’am.”

“Am I yours?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Only yours?”

“Yes ma’am.”

She takes a step closer to you, pinning you up against the wall with her own body, “then tell me, pretty girl,” all of a sudden, she brings her hand to your neck and grabs it, softly choking you, you can’t help but moan in the process, “why are you entertaining others?” Your mouth drops.

“Baby, I’m not.” You release in gasps, trying so hard not to moan, knowing she’d use it against you.

“No?”

You shake your head. Jenna notices the breathing pattern you’re releasing and realises it’s the same one you harbour when she’s fucking you senseless. “Oh, baby, are you my good girl?”

“Y-yes,” you manage to spit out, “please, just.”

“Just what? You want me to fuck you so hard that it’ll shut you up? Punish you for entertaining others, and you’d enjoy every single second of it, like the naughty girl you are, taking pleasure in something so dirty.” The grip on neck was stronger than ever, but Jenna knew how to do it properly, the safe way, making sure she didn’t suffocate you and that you were still able to breathe.

“God, yes, please, J-Jenna.” You start begging.

“Begging already?” She laughs at you, now letting go of your neck and grabbing both your hands and pinning them up above your head, “you’re pathetic, and easy.” She spits out.

“Please, I take pleasure in you, mark every inch of me, let the whole world know who I belong to.”

She scoffs, “you’re such a good girl, you’d let me do anything to you, let me mark every single inch of your body to show everyone that you’re mine and only mine, my good, obedient slut.”

“Yes.” You breathe out, lunging your head forward to get even the slightest taste of her.

“Oh? You want a kiss, not that easy, baby, you have to work for it.” She slowly lets go of your hands as she starts sucking on the top of your boobs, on the skin that is exposed, but she doesn’t stop, her hunger takes over, she pulls down the fabric covering the rest of your boobs and then she goes ham, sucking in your nipples, pleasuring your areolas, devouring each boob as if they were her last meal.

Your moans started soft, Jenna couldn’t hear them as she was too focused on smothering herself into you but as her force grows stronger, your moans grow louder, “nope,” she mumbles, she lifts her head up and locks eye contact with you, “you start moaning, and I stop, you think I’d give you the satisfaction of moaning after your little stunt? You thought wrong.” The gulp you let down was so strong you almost choke but you didn’t want Jenna to stop so you give into her commands.

Once she’s satisfied with your boobs, she starts caressing your curves as she starts kissing downwards, once she reaches your pussy, she takes one leg and slings it over her shoulder and you instinctively wrap it around your neck, lucky for her, the slit in your dress made it an easy access of her. She pulls down your panties and starts kissing the base of your vagina, working her tongue down to your clit, making you gasp, quickly realising what you had down, you place your palm over your mouth, hoping you don’t start moaning.

As she continues to lick every inch of your pussy, sucking the folds, sucking your clit and occasionally sticking her tongue into your entrance, you buck your hips towards her, wanting to make the most out of her tongue. She’s eating you out so good, she has all of you, every inch of your skin, every syllable that leaves your mouth, every letter of your name, it’s all hers. That tight coil feeling you know all too well starts building up and from the countless times Jenna has fucked you, she knows you’re close. But she can’t let you off that easily, once your eyes roll at the back of your head and your mouth opens, just waiting for a moan to escape, she pulls away. Looking at you with an evil grin plastered on her face.

“Fuck.” You mouth off, “why’d you stop?” Almost sounding annoyed.

“Well, well, well,” she laughs, “look who’s annoyed now, you want me to keep going?”

“Yes.” You moan.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, please, please Jenna, I need you in me, need your tongue to devour every bit of me, please.”

“Begging for me to fuck you?” She looks at you with pride on her face, “how pathetic,” she spits. “I want you to kneel like the good slut you are ang beg for it, beg me to fuck you mercilessly.”

You lean in to kiss her and as you let go of her top lip, you find yourself slowly kneeling down, not breaking eye contact and once you’re on your knees, you look at her with soft eyes, she grabs your jaw and lifts it slightly upwards, raising her eyebrows at you.

“Jenna, baby, please, I need you, need you so bad, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to entertain her, I’m all yours, all yours to love, to use, to fuck, like the good slut I am.”

“Whew, hermosa, you drive me crazy, you want me to fuck you so bad?” You nod like a spring bouncing up and down. “You want me to use the strap?”

You gasp with excitement, “yes, baby, please.”

“Okay,” she caresses your cheek with her thumb, “we’re going to go home, tell Anne you don’t feel well, and then when we get home, I’m going to fuck you mercilessly, you want to be my slut so bad? Then my slut you shall be, and you’re going to take every single inch of me like the good girl you are, you’re mine, y/n, I’ll have you wishing that you never disobey me again.”

~~

The drive home was tense, there was so much tension in the air, you swore Jenna was going to stop the car and fuck you right there, on the side of the road. “God, you’re so tempting,” was the only thing she said to you on the way home, and as the metres grew shorter, the more your excitement grew stronger, once the car was in the garage, Jenna practically leaped out of her seat to open the door for you, once you stood up, you grabbed her collar and started violently making out with her, she pins you up against the car, slowly untying the back of your dress, as you slowly undo her buttons.

“Well Ms. Ortega, your lapel seems to harbour a lot of buttons, trying to make me work for it?”

“Always.”

As both of you are tongue deep in each other’s throats, you lead one another to your bedroom, slowly removing clothing on the way, where all carnage breaks loose. You start whimpering as you beg for her to take you, impatience as she attaches the strap and as she turns around, your mouth starts to salivate, moaning at the sight of her.

She signals at you to come forward, and you obey, “I bet you’re so tight and wet.”

“Come and find out.” And with that, she pushes you onto the bed making your boobs bounce as a result of recoil, she lifts both of your legs up and slings it over her shoulders, once again wrapping them around her neck as a reflex. She starts pounding into you and all those moans you held in earlier were letting loose, each pound resulted in a moan louder than the last. She was ravishing you, and though her strap was artificial, she could feel your walls closing in, she could feel the warmth and the slickness, you were so wet, she swore you formed an ocean.

With each thrust into you, the pleasure is too overwhelming that grab onto the bed sheets, with one hand near your mouth as you bite down on the side of your wrist, ensuring you leave a mark. “Yeah? You like that baby, don’t you.”

“F-fuck, yes, yes I do.”

“Say my name, y/n, say it.”

“J-J-Jenna, fuck, Jenna.” You moan out in small, short breaths, barely being able to say her name correctly.

“Good job, my sweet girl, now say your name, your pussy deserves praise too.”

“Fuck,” you start but now she’s pounding even stronger with long forceful strokes, “fuck, it’s.”

“It’s?”

“It’s- baby, I can’t, please, I need to cum, please let me cum.” That same coil feeling in your stomach is back but now it’s stronger than ever, considering you didn’t get to cum back in the bathroom. You can see the sweat illuminate Jenna’s beauty, her mouth open as she’s close to cumming too, your orgasms were always in sync.

“Mhmh yeah? Me too, fuck, fucking you so good, you forget your own name.” She moans, now grabbing your boobs and squeezing them like two big oranges, “who do you belong to?”

“You.”

“W-who?” She stutters out as her climax reaches ever so closely.

“Y-you, baby.” The same stutter gets to you as your climax is inching closer.

“My name, y/n, fuck.”

“I’m y-yours, Jenna-”

“Y/N!”

“FUCK.” You both say in unison as your orgasms crash into you two like a freight truck, her strokes slows down, helping you ride out the high, her breathing labours and so does yours, gasping for air like it was a contest, and as she pulls out, your slick connects your pussy and her strap, taking off the strap she then takes her hand and collects your juices and spreads it along your lips, tempted to lick it off, you don’t, you know what’s next. She crashes onto your body, onto your lips kissing your juices, your cum off your lips.

“You taste divine, cara mia.” She mumbles in between breaths, making you giggle, and as she moves off of your body to lay next to you, still kissing and biting every inch of your lips, “you drive me absolutely crazy, sweet girl.”

You pull away, “that’s the plan,” you cheese at her, shuffling your body down a bit so you could lay your head on her boobs, relaxing as the night goes on, you two are sure to fall asleep within the next hour but now you bathe in the pleasure, the lust, the love you two share with each other and no one else.

“You’re mine, and mine only.”

 ~~

a/n: you get a cookie if you can find all of the frank ocean references in this fic hehe, a kiss if you’re my wife, also extra points if you can guess the singer in the second pic i used 😚. fun fact, the entire Malina Weissman thing is 100% real, real to me, I used to have the FATTEST crush on her (still do) and she did like two of my tik toks!! Oh and that wattpad story… uh, next question😁

also sorry if like there’s mistakes, it’s 9am and i haven’t slept in like 19hrs so bare with me 😭🤍

tag list: @talialeih, @alexkolax (idkw it’s not working but you asked me to add you to my tag lists!! <3), @iamthewoe

[penvisions]

gone to the dogs {chapter 3}

Pairing: Boston QZ! Joel Miller x F! Reader ; Implied Boston QZ! Joel Miller x Tess Servopoulos

Summary: A person from your past makes you feel the changes that transformed you into what you are today. A meal shared feels like another change is coming.

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: canon typical violence, canon typical language, canon typical gore, outbreak fic, age gap (only by about ten years), dark fic, dark joel miller, mean joel miller, joel miller is uptight, degrading language, sexual language, heated interactions, adult language, fighting, argumentative language, mutual disdain, sexual content, implication of sex work, unprotected piv (mentioned), sexual acts, reader is snarky, reader meets joel toe-to-toe with insults and it's amazing both reader and joel pov, lemme know if there are any i missed!

A/N: this honestly came out of nowhere. i haven't been writing lately beyond jotting down scene notes and vague ideas,so i've taken a step back from forming actual chapters for the many wips i have at the moment. but this was a good thing to get down amid all the stress of preparing to move for the second time in three months

ao3 link || series masterlist || joel miller masterlist || ko-fi

You step back a few paces, instincts reminding you of the last time you saw the man. He looked older, older than he should if only seven years went by. But the stresses of the world made each one seem like a lifetime.

But upon closer inspection, as you realize that maybe he looks…actually in better shape than when you had seen him last. But not being covered in dirt and grime was an easy difference. No, though, he looked healthy. Far better off than your rumpled and stark appearance.

He says your real name and you feel something soften deep inside. You hadn’t heard your actual name since…no, you cut the thought off, not wanting to think anymore about anything to do with the day you lost your brother. You feel the watching eyes of Joel and Tess as the meeting with strangers turns into anything but. Your connection with one of the men seemingly the last of the outcomes they had anticipated.

“Cane.” You correct him. “My name is- it’s Cane.”

“I can call you that, if you prefer. I’m just so glad you’re okay. When that raider dragged you off, I thought-“

“I got away.” You cut him off, not wanting to reveal the way you had ended up being a resident of the Boston Quarantine Zone. It wasn’t important, it was personal, and it was no one’s business but your own now, how it had come to be the reality of your life. It hadn’t been the first blood you spilled but it had certainly been the beginning of the path you walked and paced and snarled your way around today. He must sense your snub, the way you don’t want to dwell on the past. He nods once, eyes glinting as he takes in the two figures behind you. His eyes focus on Tess, a nod to her in greeting as he connects a face to the voice he had been conversing with for a few weeks now.

Frank turns to Bill, his counterpart on the other side of the fence. Allowing you to let out a huff of breath in relief at the passed moment. Or so you thought, Joel’s eyes were heavy on you. Far too weighted and far too vigilant as he no doubt picks up more than the exchange had been.

“Let’s, Bill, let’s get them inside. Get Cane into the shower, you look a little rough around the edges. You didn’t run into any trouble did you?”

The feeling of water cascading hot from the shower head and down your aching body was something you thought you’d never get to experience again. It was such a rare occurrence to get even lukewarm water in the zone, the water pressure weak.

A soft knock sounded through the hush of water, followed by Frank asking if you were comfortable with him coming into the bathroom. You call out a muffled affirmative, body beginning to ache from the way you had trudged through the night to get to the cordoned off city, especially after the way large hands had roughly pushed and pulled at you atop Joel’s shared bed.

“I just…wanted a second alone with you.” The man broke the heavy silence as he settled on a small bench in the room, opposite the vanity. He was worried, you could sense that much.

“That’s okay, it’s your house and I don’t mind.”

“…it could be your house too….if you wanted.”

On the other side of the door, Joel tries to keep his breathing light as he listens in on the conversation. A feeling of protectiveness hard to squash as he saw the other man slink off in search of you. There was something between you two, a shared past. A worry the other man felt entitled to have over you, the utterance of a name foreign to him but meant something to you. Joel wasn’t sure what to think, the way Tess had described him had been all positive and hopeful, a potential trading partner for things they couldn’t find in the rubble of the city remains or within the walls of the zone.

A connection to you was the last thing he had expected out of this trip. And he was on high alert for any issues that might bring to light. He keeps his eyes trained on the end of the upstairs hall, instincts telling him that Bill knows he hadn’t really been in search of a restroom for himself. Another dog with something to protect, with something to defend and fight for. The two men far more alike than they would want to admit and they had only just met. Your voice is quiet, something he had only ever experienced when he walked in on you and Tess alone. So used to you projecting it, to speaking loudly to ensure people heard you and understood the intent behind them.

The vulnerability with a man you obviously knew isn’t lost on him.

“Don’t think Bill would like that.” Cutting under his offer, you want him to realize that it would never work, his life is set up here due to the other man. Even if you were to be minimally evasive and keep to yourself, it was a life you weren’t sure you deserved let alone were worthy of being offered. It would be a disturbance to their way of life, from the gardens they tended to the house they obviously shared as their own.

“Yeah, but even so. We could convince him, if that’s something you’d be interested in. I don’t…I don’t like the thought of you all alone in the zone, fighting everyday for things you deserve to have…”

“I found my brother, I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Did…I just…I’m sorry to ask but are you- okay after-“

“Yes.”

“It’s okay if you’re not, you know. That kind of thing, that violence changes people.”

“I am…okay, for the most part. Change or no change.”

“You don’t…I just want you to know you have a place here. If you’re…resorting to certain things.” His words are hesitant, but firm. He knows you, had known you through your college years. He had been an artist of local renown, in Baltimore. Where you had moved to go to college and stayed after you graduated. You worked with him in his own studio, helped him to organize classes for those interested in the arts and helped to manage his small gallery. But that was a lifetime ago, a paintbrush traded for the butt of a gun in your palm. A flash of teeth in a gummy smile you had offered too easily exchanged for the snarling of teeth as you bared them for anyone who threatened you.

It was a lifetime ago, the turn of your age into the next decade of your life bringing endless and adaptive change. If it was for the better you weren’t sure, but your survival was dependent on it and that’s all that mattered.

Joel feels a tightness in his chest, the inference of the man’s words of violence that had been acted out on a younger version of yourself not settling well, violence that ripped you from the one person who you had been with at the end of the world. The weight of the realization like rocks in his stomach, churning around in his middle. More weight is added as he hears the admittance of you’re the activities he had caught you in the act of doing to earn ration cards, of the activities he had been all too willing to indulge in with you just the night before.

“I don’t like doing it, but it’s kind of a ‘use what ya got’ kinda world now.”

“Cane…”

“It’s fine, I’m not…I’m not bothered by it.”

“Honey, of course you are. Anybody would be. We used to- we used to spend our days painting and setting up gallery shows and that- that’s gone from the world now. There is no more art, there is no more humanity, there is only-“

“I’m not anybody.” You feel your lips part in a show of teeth, hissing the words out as anger flares and memories of a time passed cross your mind. You were so naïve, to think the world would allow you to be who you wanted. For anyone to be who they wanted, but now it molds you into something inhumane, weather you find yourself infected or not. “I’m a survivor and I have power in the zone, with or without those I traveled with here today.”

“Okay….I’ll let you finish washing up and I’ll get you a change of clothes, that sound alright?”

“….thank you, Frankie.”

“Of course, anything for you. Always.”

Thoughts of a younger you set in front of a large canvas atop an easel flashes before Joel’s eyes as he quietly descends the stairs. A paintbrush replacing the commonality of a gun in your grip, light in your eyes instead of a dark threat. It was an uncomfortable one, to find out just how much you had been altered. He knew the pain of being transformed beyond recognition and he hated for the knowledge of your past as it burrowed into his brain and refused to leave.

A table is set up outside, Frank insisting on enjoying the gentle breeze that graced the day. A lace trimmed white tablecloth atop it for dishes and wine glasses and cloth napkins to be set atop. A meal to try and tide the churning waters of an agreement, the combining of two factions. Everyone is seated at one of the four sides of the small table, an extra chair beside Frank for you two to share one.

Bill’s back is to the house, to allow him a full view of the street and surrounding area within the gate of his land. Joel is opposite him and to your right, Tess is across from you. It’s all so close an imitation of family dinners you used to have before you left to embark on your own life. Though the people surrounding you couldn’t be any different.

The four of them had fallen silent at your appearance once you came down the steps. Hands itching to run over and smooth down the flowing fabric of the dress Frank had gifted you to change into. A white, floral-patterned fabric you would’ve once fawned over. But now it feels like some sick, twisted joke even if you knew the man hadn’t intended for it to be taken that way. He had been working off memories of your preferences, not knowing who you were now.

Tess’s lips had lifted at the corners, though she hid it well at the way your eyes had cut through her when you heard the small chuckle she had tamped down on. Joel’s eyes had roved over you, an expression unreadable and far too harsh in the daylight back outside. Frank had been elated, praising how well it fit you and he was so glad it was the right size, that the pattern looked lovely and you cleaned up nicely. Bill had nodded along, most likely warned by his partner to be nice to you, though he hadn’t looked to thrilled that you had been left alone inside his home. He seemed so much like Joel, though there was no worry for him to reach out and grab you by the throat.

“Well, this really is just- it- it’s amazing.” You keep your eyes downcast at your place setting, the way Tess stumbled over her words unfamiliar. She was trying so hard to keep her own tendency to come off as threatening out of her demeanor and you wondered if it was closer to the that of the woman she had once been. Shirking herself back into that mindset in order to appeal to the men whose trade you admittedly, desperately needed.

The city is getting more dangerous to scavenge as time continues on. Supplies and even everyday items so scarce it doesn’t justify the risk of sneaking out of the zone much. You worry for the future, as things only seem to be getting more dire. As the hangings increase, as the Fireflies gain traction and power among the unrest.

“Right?” Frank smiles so openly and brightly at her across from you, reaching for the bottle of wine in the middle of the table. He reaches over to fill the half-empty crystal glass before her, the scent of it strong as it catches in the wind. You take the final sip of your own glass, catching Joel’s gaze out of the corner of your eye. You feel more than see the way his eyes trace the stain of the dark wine on your lips, how it dampens them as it clings to the plush of your bottom lip. How he shifts in his seat as you swipe your tongue over it to collect the errant drops.

“Mhm.”

“Can you not, please?” Joel’s eyes shift to the gun gripped tightly in Bill’s hand atop the table. Frank’s as well, an exasperated edge in his voice. The roll of his eyes he tries to fight making warmth flare in your chest for being able to recall it so clearly and aimed at you in the past. He’s much the same man he was when you knew him, but almost…happier now despite the fall of the world. He’s found his person and that does change people, you can see it in his boosted confidence and comfortability. He’s protected here, until he wishes not to be.

“I’m the same way.” Joel offers, to bridge the gap and mind the tension in the air.

“Oh, you’re a paranoid schizophrenic too?” Frank chuckles, shoulder bumping yours but you don’t join him in the banter. You feel wildly out of place, aside from having to share an edge of the table. It had been so long since you sat down at a clean table, a dressed table laden down with crystal glasses and fine ceramic. A meal made from scratch, hot and actually tasting like food.

“I’m not schizophrenic.”

“Sure.” Frank moves to fill your glass at the nod of your head, he knows you favored red once upon a time, the perfect paring for the meal Bill had been kind enough to offer you all.

Tess clears her throat and it strikes something in you. She’s acting more like she does when she’s alone with you, letting the glimpse of who she is shine amongst the pair. It’s easy to see now why Joel is by her side, she’s much better spoken than you. She’s good at knowing what to do and when. But then again she does have a decade on you much like he does. More experience in a world that had been whole and allowed for different skills.

“Well, can I just say, uh, gun aside, which I get, by the way.” A nod to Bill, to let him know he’s seen and understood. “How nice this is to have a civilized meal in such a, a beautiful place. It’s been so long.”

The unspoken but very loud ‘can’t get these two to stay in the same room long enough to even eat rations without an argument breaking out’ sentiment hits you like a brick wall. She knows, is the first thought you have, and it freezes the blood in your veins. She knows what you and Joel did but she hadn’t voiced it or confronted you about it. Perhaps she confronted him or had just known the second she walked into the apartment last night but either way, you know you have to be honest when she approaches you.

“I just wanna say, uh, thank you. Even if we don’t end up working together. Which I wouldn’t fault you, these two tend to rub some people the wrong way. I really needed this.”

“We are working together.” Frank raises his own glass to mirror hers, his other hand reaching for yours atop the table to shake it gently and reassuringly. “We are. Even if Cane hadn’t turned out to be the third party of your group. Though it was such a pleasant surprise.”

They clink their glasses together, urging you to do so as well. Your glass now full for a second time as well.

“You know what? Let’s go inside. Tess, I wanna show you something.”

“Actually I have been…waiting to see inside.”

“No. Not inside.” Bill tries to reign them in but neither are paying much attention to the table anymore, already getting up from their seats, full wine glasses in hand.

“Darling, do you want to join us?” Frank offers, reaching for your hand to help you up. But you shake your head, not wanting to go back inside so soon.

“Oh, um, no thank you. The fresh air is…”

“Of course,” He slides a hand over your shoulder, comforting and grounding.

Bill calls out his name once, then again with more force as they begin to walk away from the table, leaving the controlled setting. Both parties are laughing as they disappear inside the house with their wine glasses. He huffs as he looks from you to Joel, not having anticipated this course of events.

“I understand.” Joel speaks up across from him. He’s chewing a bite he had just taken, a second helping taken when offered still on his plate. He doesn’t even look in your direction, his attention solely on the other man at the table. “If my, uh…if mine…brought strangers into our situation, I wouldn’t be happy either.”

“Thought this one was yours.” Bill tips his head in your direction, genuine curiosity thinly veiled in his tone.

“No. This one is on her own.” His voice hardens, giving away his distaste for the insinuation.

“I’m no ones, certainly not his.” You feel the need to speak up, not willing to let them both talk about you as if you weren’t right there. It was not only insulting, but to insinuate that you could be anybody’s was more than aggravating. Joel ignores you, but Bill’s eyes meet yours briefly, gauging you silently.

“But of all the people he could’ve found on the radio, we’re actually decent people just tryin’ to get by.”

“Oh, well aren’t I the lucky one.” Bill scoffs, eyes trained back on Joel and remaining.

“There’s stuff we have in the zone that you don’t have here. Books, medicine, machine parts. We can help each other and get that gun outta my face.” There’s a hint of the man he is in the zone as his voice pitches low, a threat that he would act on in a heartbeat with the slightest inclination. Bill heeds the threat, knowing he would meet it head on. Both aware of the fragility of the situation, both aware of their people inside the house alone with each other and getting along. Bill concedes and the gun is locked before placed back in its holster.

“So, what, you were a…prepper or somethin’?”

“’Survivalist’.” Bill doesn’t continue eating, like Joel does. Ever the picture of controlled ease as he chews bite after bite on his plate. But the language of his body is obvious to you, he’s primed and ready to lunge, ready to fight, to kill. Something you had washed off in the shower with the appearance of someone you once thought long dead. “Maybe you are decent people, Frank vehemently vouches for her. But maybe you aren’t and maybe she’s changed. Doesn’t matter. We’re self-sufficient here. I don’t need you or your friend, or her complicating our lives. Is that clear?”

Even if you aren’t focused on one of them for more than a moment, eyes flitting between them evenly, you see the way Joel glances at the perimeter fence. Seeing something you don’t or can’t, had seen since first approaching it, keeping it to himself and only revealing it with his next words.

“That fence has got a year on it, tops. The galvanized wire already started to corrode. I can get you ten spools of high-tensile aluminum. Last you the rest of your life.” He seems to think better of his words and with another swallow of chewed food, remedies it. “Lives.”

The realization that Joel could be polite, he could be cordial, and he could assert himself in a nonviolent way to appeal to someone and get what he wants without shedding blood, breaking bones, or slinging harsh words is a hard realization. All you’ve known from him is backhanded comments about your skills, about your willingness to let them into the world you had helped shape in the zone. Someone who had come in with the intention of asserting his dominance over those already in charge had faltered only when you showed your own teeth. And he never let you forget the way you had showed your belly to allow them to be a part of it, no matter how mutually beneficial the situation was.

He saw you as weak and it’s glaringly apparent in the way that he tries to appeal to the man across from him now. A man who has things Joel has set his sights on, wants to get his hands on. But it’s much more than them both being men, it’s much more than them both being so similar in nature. It’s about the respect they have for each other, it’s as plain as day. The commonality of a kinder and gentler handler of a partner at their sides. Someone to protect that have bonded with each other.

It further proves how alone you truly are. The wine sours in your stomach, the food spoils and you excuse yourself from the table. Bill’s hand is back over the gun holstered to his side but pushes up out of his chair and follows you. Joel watches until as the man follows you to where you had sought space on the curb of the street, his brow furrowing and his mouth turning down as he thinks you’ve just ruined any hope of finding agreement.

“Save it, neither of you have even considered what I have-“

“Look, I’m not much for being honest these days. The world doesn’t care anymore and I never did even before it fell. But,” He’s sitting down beside you, a grunt at the low level nearly flush with the ground. A few feet separate you, but you understand the meaning of him doing so. Willingly putting himself beside you and at a disadvantage should you be brave enough to try something.

“I wasn’t willing to even entertain the thought of reaching out on the radio. But Frank was determined to wade through the signals. And he did all of it in search of you. He’s devoted so much time to finding you, alive or dead. And when he couldn’t find word, he didn’t leave the bed for weeks. He’s been haunted by your ghost since the day he stumbled onto my land. And yet, God delivered you to him alongside two people offering trade. You say I think of you as fodder, but you don’t know me. I may not really know you, but I know what you mean to Frank. That makes this worth the trouble and the risk. Not some one trying to appeal to me across the table, not some woman who Frank is set on impressing. It’s you. I can see through the act of that one back at the table a mile away, he’s behaving though he doesn’t want to. But you haven’t tried to hide you who are, what you are.”

“I didn’t feel the need to, not here, not with Frankie.”

“I know you may not be the same person he remembers and share stories with, but he’s gone through all the efforts to set this up. He was going to ask them if they had any word of you, he never gave up hope that somehow you had survived that raider tearing you out if his grip as you both ran from the ambush of their group. Something tells me you have the sway the two with you think they have, have become accustomed to because you allow them to reap the rewards of it.”

“It’s a partnership. Protection for equal shares of everything. I provide the knowledge. One person alone can’t hold their own any longer, certainly not in the zone.”

“You have the knowledge.” He agrees quietly, his eyes locking with yours as you look over at him.

“We’re you runnin’ off to?” Joel’s voice doesn��t startle you, but it’s unexpected in the doorway of the back porch. You had slipped out of your room the second you were sure everyone had been settled long enough to sleep, or at least resolve themselves to trying to rest for the night. It can’t be easy for either Joel or Bill to rest knowing the other doesn’t trust them, but you hadn’t anticipated anyone leaving their rooms at the late hour. Stars twinkle above in the sky, visible through the windows unobstructed by screens. You had just wanted to come out and see them, get some fresh air.

“Didn’t want to impose.” Your voice is quiet, though not in meekness, it’s swathed in the worry of waking a house full of people.

“We were offered rooms for the night, wouldn’t call that imposing.” He exhales heavily as he moves to stand beside where you are before one of the large panes of glass, looking out. “Besides, Frank seems to be easy on you, doubt he would say no to anything you needed.”

“Yeah, well, room’s too big, house is too big.” He watches you, catching the sight of your eyes tracing the landscape bathed in night and shadows. You absently wonder if he can smell the body wash you had used earlier, different from your own back in the zone but had washed the lingering scent of him on your skin all the same.

“Can’t get outta the gate on your own.”

“No, but it’s better than being stuck in that house.”

“It bothers you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Truly, you don’t. There’s no way he’s privy to the feelings and desperation to push down memories of the past that have endlessly bubbled up today, trying to drown you as they reach for the surface.

“Don’t play dumb, we both know you’re not.” His hands rest on his hips, the clinking of his belt buckle ever present loud in the silence of the night. Of the open land just beyond the enclosed porch. “You’re uncomfortable because they’re in a room and me ‘n Tess are in one.”

“I couldn’t care less about the sleeping arrangements.”

“Then what is it?”

“It doesn’t matter.” You think to tell him of how suffocating it was in that room, not because you were alone but because of how much it reminds you of where you used to live. But Joel isn’t one for you to be open with, to share honestly with. He’s been nothing but demeaning when it comes to any humanity you dare to show, conversations with Tess cut short the second he opens the door to wherever you are. The reason you don’t linger or share meals, the reason you don’t know why he had allowed for last night’s activities to happen and now they feel heavy, like a mistake you had let yourself fall into that never should have happened.

“Cane.” When you don’t respond, he voices the name Frank had called from behind the fence when he recognized you. It’s like an arrow to the heart, striking true and killing that part of you all over again. A name you had never expected to be called again, let alone by Joel Miller as he tries to get you to speak plainly with him. For once and never likely again.

“Drop it.” Your voice rasps, the scream you feel building in your chest desperately trying to break free.

“Not until you tell me.”

“Just because your mouth’s been on me-“

“That’s not what this- Jesus, fine, be difficult like you always are. I’m goin’ back inside.” He’s turning away, stepping toward the back steps. You hear the sound of his boots on the wood but only the first step before he’s whipping back around with a glare. “If this falls through, it’s on you. Not me and not Tess, you. And if that’s the case, maybe you should begin to consider that offer to stay here. And if that doesn’t pan out, don’t come crawling back to us.”

You don’t look at him or think of telling him the deal has been made because of you, and his steps take him further away from you, leaving you to sit on the outdoor furniture that reminds you too much of your old home. Of the one you once shared with family, of the one you had shared with Franke. Both more than likely just rubble or overtaken by twisted and decayed cordyceps. You feel the scream thicken your throat, swelling it up to make you try to gasp out for air to release it but it comes out as a harsh prattling sob. Your resolve to be strong cracking for the first time in years.

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@tobethlehem

[jasperhaleobsessed]

Dancing with the Cowboy

Jasper Hale x GN reader (requested by anon)

Notes: Sorry this took me forever I've been preparing for the holidays and school's been a bit stressful the last week or two. Thank You so much for your patience! :) This is my first x reader fic so please be nice! Posted this by accident oops! But it's fine it was practically done anyways! Not heavily edit sorry in advanced! Hope you still like it! :)

Warnings: None, pure fluff

Word count: 853

Tagging some mutuals/friends cause I need some love since this is my first x reader fic! @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @twilightsaga123412 @nobody0805 @naolvshan

You smiled to yourself as you popped in your ear buds. It was finally your 'me' time in the day. And to say the least today was exhausting and you needed some music in your life. Excitement rushed through your veins, it was finally time to listen to your favorite album and your favorite artist. You were bubbling with excitement, you just couldn’t wait. You unlocked your phone and tapped on your music app. You scrolled until you found your favorite album. Reputation by Taylor Swift. Out of her discography rep was most definitely your favorite and the best out of her other albums in your honest opinion. It was different and unique from the rest of her work that’s what made it special. Of course the rest of her discography was amazing but this album held a special place in your heart. 

This album always pumped you up. It always brought a smile to your face when you were down. When you were sad it made everything better. They say books can take you to magical places but in your case it wasn’t a book, It was Reputation and any of Taylor Swift’s music. Her music was magical in your eyes, her lyrics were like poetry, they’re beautiful. They’re amazing. It’s what got you through the good and bad. But it wasn’t just her music that helped a certain cowboy, helped as well. You blush at the thought of your boyfriend, he always had this effect on you. You tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear, smiling at the thought of your boyfriend. You also couldn’t help but feel excited to see him in the next 30 minutes. Currently it is 2:30 and he said he’d be at your place at 3:00. So you have about 30 minutes to listen to tswift and relax. This sounded perfect. You headed towards your room, you twisted the doorknob and flicked the lightswitch. 

Once you stepped into your room you plopped onto your soft, comfy bed. You hit play on Reputation and the first track started to play …Ready for it? The song started to play and after a minute you couldn’t help but move from your bed. It was a difficult move since your covers and pillows were ever so soft and comforted you greatly. But suddenly you were in the mood for a little dance even if you weren’t the best, at the end of the day it was all about having fun. You started to shuffle your feet, a giggle escaped your lips as you continued to shake your hips trying to match the rhythm of the song. Dancing hasn’t always been your forte and you haven’t always enjoyed it but when you're alone and not judged by others it feels good. It also helped you were listening to rep. Suddenly you felt a strong arms wrap around your waist. You squealed in surprise. And you may or may not be very, very ticklish. You whipped your head around to meet a pair of golden eyes. You put a hand over your heart, it raced fast. 

You swat his arm, “You scared the crap out of me Jazz.” He chuckled at your response. “Sorry Darlin’ didn’t mean to startle ya.” He smiled dazzlingly at you. 

You pulled your earbuds out of your ears to hear him better. You quickly pause your music and toss your phone on your bed. You admired his smile, you could never stay mad at him long. 

You shake your head and a small smile graces your face. “I thought you said you wouldn’t be here until 3:00?” You question, raising your eyebrow. 

“Sorry darlin’ I missed you too much.” 

“You just saw me like an hour ago, you know!” 

“Well excuse me darlin’ but I missed you and I’ll take any chance to see you.” You smiled at him like a dork. You blushed and closed the gap between the two of you. You pressed your lips against his cold ones. It made you shiver and yet it was a wonderful feeling. A warm feeling blossomed in your chest as you kissed him. You pulled away and giggled, you looked up at him and you couldn't help but look deep into his honey eyes. He smiled warmly at you, and caressed your cheek. “I also may or may not have felt that you're a bit exhausted and I wanted to do anything to help ya.”

Your heart melts, it's official you have the sweetest boyfriend. “Aww thank you Jasper, that is so sweet and considerate of you. I love you.” He beams and you lean in and hug him tightly. 

“May I have this dance?” You smiled at him and took his hand. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed play. The beat of lover came on, it was one of your favorites. 

He wrapped his arms around your waist and you rested your hand on his chest. You both swayed together and danced to the slow beat. 

You felt glad he came over. He always came when you needed him. It really helped that he could feel what you felt, it may or may not have come in handy at times. He has this wonderful talent of taking away your worries and making everything better. He had the best hugs and always knew the right words to say He really was the perfect boyfriend.

The End. 

[yuri-is-online]

When He Sees Me: Azul Ashengrotto

a/n: this is supposed to be part of a series about the boys who start out with a less than good opinion of Yuu falling in love with them anyway. Azul wasn't supposed to be first he was just the most cooperative. I will add a link to the rest when they become available, but it will take a while because this is really fucking long. Like 6,261 words long.

notes: SPOILERS FOR CH. 3 AND AZUL'S BACKSTORY. Azul is thirsty for Yuu, nothing explicit just mild mild spice. They/them pronouns used for Yuu, but there is a reference to things "girls find attractive" that isn't meant to be aimed at Yuu and discussion of the myth of Princess Kaguya. Morons in mutual denial/pining, references to the events of Azul's labwear and Ruggie's ceremonial robes vignette. Edit: other fics can be found on my masterlist here.

Azul has always been a dreamer, in both senses of the word.  When he wants, he wants with intensity that borders on insanity, it is only natural for those thoughts to invade his dreams.  When he was younger his subconscious would engage in a painful loop of equally impossible scenarios, sometimes positive but mostly extremely, horribly negative.  They read more like memories being played on a sickening repeat, harassments and insults that he can’t run or hide from because his dream won’t let him move at all.  Now that he’s older he seldom has those dreams, tucking the hurts away behind mountains of successful plans for the future.  Tucked away but not dealt with, his overblot clearly proved that.  Azul is no stranger to having dreams, no, but lately he has been experiencing something new.  A dream that plays on repeat, never changing but with an underlying feel to it that makes him think if he just had a bit more imagination he could direct the flow.  It is a memory, sort of like those other, painful dreams though this one doesn’t hurt quite the same, less painful and more… pining.

He’s standing in front of the photos at the Atlantica Memorial Museum, eyes steady on the photographs.  “You have talent.”  the Ramshackle prefect says with such enviable confidence.  “You are amazing as it is, even without stealing anyone else’s powers.”  He looks at them, he searches desperately for the lie, for so long he misses the timing for his line but the dream keeps playing yours.  “You work so hard, determination is much harder to master than magic.”  

“You think that?” he asks, begs really because in this dream he gets to wrap himself up and live in this moment where someone sees him as his subconscious plays your words on loop.

“You have talent… You are amazing… You matter…” 

He rises from slumber, but doesn’t wake.

“Nyaaah who does Azul think he is!”  Grim whines and you sigh, for what feels like the eight hundredth time but is probably just the third.  “He can’t just scam us outta money like that!”  You give a noncommittal grunt and Grim takes his grumbling to under his breath where it belongs while you ruminate on the morning’s events on your way back to Ramshackle.  You had woken up to Azul knocking on your door with a photograph of Grim… fighting with Lucius?  You weren’t entirely clear on the details, Grim stole some food or something you couldn’t really care less, but Professor Trien certainly would, which was the point Azul had made with a smile on his face and an outstretched hand.  He needed a “small favor” he said, just follow him to Ignihyde and help him and Idia out with a project Idia was working on.  He tried spinning it to you as helping out Ortho, which hey you did care about, let it not be said that the prefect of Ramshackle did not care about sweet little Ortho Shroud.  You just… didn’t trust Azul as far as you could throw him, so when the part he asked Grim to retrieve was revealed to be worth a gajillion thaumarks you were not surprised and you did not care.  Grim, of course, freaked out and the two older students laughed at him.  Laughed at you both really, and sent you back to your dorm with a can of tuna for Grim’s trouble and a coupon to the Monstro Lounge for yours.

That you decided as you stared down at the little golden ticket, did piss you off.  You were tempted to light it on fire, but that stupid part of your brain that got excited when you heard laundry detergent was on sale at Sam’s wouldn’t let you.  Like you would offend and be permanently cursed by the gods of couponing if you did; so you tucked it away in your wallet and ran through the list of students you didn’t currently want to beat with a steel chair for someone who would actually use it.  “Hey prefect, you got a moment?” 

“Ruggie.”  You snap out of your thoughts to see an angel standing outside Ramshackle’s door.  He looks at you a little confused, but still peppy.

“That’s my name!  Now as I was sayin, you got a moment?  I’ve got an opportunity for you.”

~~~~

In a game of chess the player who moves first has an inherent advantage.  That advantage, however, is not absolute which is something Azul is cruelly reminded of when RUGGIE BUCCHI waltzes into his restaurant, whistling, with his carefully played opening in his hands.  “Hey, is this thing real?  Prefect said you gave it to them but that sounds fishy.  Why would Azul be giving out things for free?”  

“That’s confidential.”  he pushes up his glasses and Ruggie simply leans back on his heels, hands behind his head grinning like a well fed cat.  “What I am anxious to know is why you have it?  It was not meant for you.”

“What’s it to ya’?” he has enough sense to keep his annoying laugh to himself but it’s echoing in Azul’s ears anyway.  His gaze flickers to Floyd, weighing the pros and cons of involving the twins in this… admittedly private affair but that seems to be enough for Ruggie.  He drops the easy going act,  “No seriously what is it you’re trying to do, they seemed seriously pissed.”  

“Who says I’m trying to do anything?” Anger was… not the reaction he was expecting but the look on Ruggie’s face is making him feel especially like he should have.  Like there was something incredibly obvious he was missing here.  His sigh just punctuates that.

“Because you're Azul.”  He says flatly.  “Look it’s not my business and I don’t want it to be, are you gonna give me a free drink or not.”  Azul takes the coupon with his best customer service smile and tries to make another plan.

~~~~

“You are amazing.”  He gets to look at them this time, see their honest admiration.  He wants to reach for it, hold it up to the light and admire it from every possible angle.  His hand moves, agonizingly slow like he’s reaching through jelly, desperate for purchase as it lands on their cheek, running his thumb along the curve.  Azul is a merfolk, utterly unaware of what it feels like to drown.  But he surrenders himself to the tide as he guides them closer, closer, to him and the realization he never wants to let go.

Azul wakes up alone and upset, a good thirty minutes before his alarm which just adds to his frustrations.  He fumbles for his glasses and goes for the safe next to his bed, if he’s awake he can work, he should work it will take his mind off of… whatever this is.  It isn’t important, his bad dreams always fade away over time, he will conquer this, he has to.  A notification lights up his phone.  It’s from magicam, from Cater who he usually ignores but he opens it anyway.  The post is a dump of short videos of Heartslabyul students messing around in the maze, there was an unbirthday party yesterday complete with pastries and those weird games he never understands the appeal of no matter how many times Riddle explains.  There’s Trey posing like a middle aged man with his flamingo, Cater running around conducting mock interviews with the flowers, and a number of students making nonsensical toasts with admittedly nice looking china.  And in the final video, if he pauses it at exactly 7.23 seconds there’s the prefect.  They look clueless, disappointed even as they watch Grim demand he be allowed to play croquet, it’s cute but that’s not where his gaze goes.  Tiramisu.  It’s difficult, painful even to make, but they seem to be enjoying their slice.  It really would be an excellent item to add to the Monstro Lounge’s limited time menu for numerous reasons completely unrelated to… whatever this feeling was.  If he keeps the paused video up and next to his paperwork while he draws up his plans, no one needs to know.

~~~~

  You wake up with a sneeze a good two hours before your alarm and if you were actually awake you have no doubt the timing would fill you with righteous fury.  The moon still peaks through your window, soothing your hypothetical temper slightly as you meander out of your bed towards it.  Ramshackle has always been a good place to watch the stars, at least according to Tsunotarou.  You’ve always been more partial to the moon, there was something comforting about its constant presence.  No matter where you went in your old world, even if the constellations changed the moon would always stay the same.  If you focus on this one’s shape, if you ignore the snoring monster in your bed or the shape of the window you’re looking through, you can almost trick yourself into thinking that things are still the same.  That you will get back to sleep and see your loved ones when you wake up tomorrow.  A strange bile builds up in your throat and you turn away from the window towards your desk.  The photographs that decorate it are filled with things that should be impossible.  Leona standing on a flying broom somehow bored out of his mind, Jack and Deuce posing at a track practice, Ace trying to teach Grim a card trick, but if you were giving awards for the most out of place… There’s eight people in the photo, three humans, one monster, one beastman, and three merfolk, but only two sport tails.  Azul looks exactly the same as the day you met him, dressed in a neatly pressed dorm uniform with that stupid hat covering his beautiful, perfect hair.  You can’t decide what’s more unreal to you, the Leech twins' appearance or the location of the photograph, but well they sort of go hand in hand don’t they?  Your eyes settle on Azul.  He had refused to show his true form during the trip, if you didn’t know any better you would assume he was human like you but not like you.  There’s something undeniably magical about him, beautiful even.  He belongs there, in that photo under the sea, in this world.  The moon illuminates the photo with her gaze, cold, distant, completely out of your reach but oh so very beautiful.  

You take a deep, shuddering breath and try to throw away your thoughts.  

~~~~

“Hench-human!  Look at me look at me!”  There are many days you feel like Grim’s parent as opposed to his… dorm leader?  Classmate?  Fellow traveler?  Whatever you were actually supposed to be.  

“I’m looking Grim, I promise!”  You cheer him on, waving up at the monster who is happily flying above you on his little broom.  “You’re doing great!”  Coach Vargas had gone out of his way to find it for him so he could “train his muscles” with everyone else in flying class.  It was cute, soothed the wound of not being able to participate yourself just a bit.  The list of exercises Vargas handed you certainly didn’t.

“Slacking doesn’t build muscles!”  You knew it was stupid to want to participate in a class that’s literal purpose was to teach students to channel magic, but it still sucked to be expected to do yoga in the corner of a field while Ace, Deuce, and now Grim get to zoom around above.  At least you know Deuce isn’t making fun of you and will give you a ride if asked.  “Hey while you’re at it would you mind keeping an eye on Azul?  He’s supposed to be practicing over next to the bleachers.”  You blink, stupidly at Vargas. 

“I’m sorry?”  Vargas points towards what is usually your exile corner and see- a sight.  One you can immediately tell Azul would probably rather you never have ever seen.  Your beautiful merman, rival?  Acquaintance?  Object of affection?  Is pathetically hopping up and down with a stern look of determination on his face like he’s trying to negotiate with the broom rather than fly it.  Your heart beats uncomfortably close to the front of your chest.  Cold.  Out of reach.  And yet so blindingly pathetically beautiful you have to choke down bile as you make your way over to your little corner and begin clumsily stretching and keeping your gaze firmly on Grim out of habit.  You hear rather than see him notice you.

“Prefect!”  he splutters, chokes really and you have to physically bite your tongue to ground yourself enough to speak normally and completely lose it when you turn to face him.  Azul’s winded, the tentacle waves of his hair are shimmering in the late afternoon sun with what’s probably sweat, but he doesn’t smell bad at all.  His glasses are slanted and he’s clinging onto his broom so tightly his knuckles are turning white.

“Azul!  Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”  It comes out as a squeak and you break eye contact immediately.  “I just-” you don’t want him to think you’re spying on him.  “I usually-” well that just sounds like an excuse.  “I can’t fly!”  The smile on your face has got to look stupid but when you look at Azul he doesn’t seem to mind.  If anything he relaxes in both posture and expression.

“I can see that.”  He smiles and his eyes shimmer for a brief second before reaching to push his glasses and his persona back into place.  “Does Coach Vargas always have you exercise during flying class?”

“Pretty much.”  You don’t feel like you should complain really, it would be a bit unfair on paper if you were the only one relaxing during a class filled with physical activity.  “Crewel convinced him to let me do yoga because I ‘need to relax more’ or something like that.”  

“Do you not find exercise relaxing?”  It’s a relatively simple question but this is Azul asking so it feels like the start of a survey that ends with you agreeing to sign away your immortal soul.  So naturally, 

“Not when everyone can watch.”  you answer as honestly as possible because according to the dark mirror you don’t have one anyway.  If Azul notices your skepticism it doesn’t stop him from plowing on ahead.

“I can understand that.” He lets out what you think is his best performative sigh, hand over his heart in a manner you are sure even Vil would compliment as well crafted showmanship.  “Really there’s no reason for this school to force us to participate in activities we simply aren’t meant for.”  You have to swallow a giggle at his use of “we,” that earlier display must not have been a one time thing.  Sure would be a shame if you asked Floyd about it, he definitely wouldn’t tell you embarrassing things about his best friend.  “Do you not find the lounge relaxing?”  He asks the question with the same tone as his previous monologue, but it catches you off guard.  You had expected this line of questioning to go in a different direction.  Maybe he wanted to know just how close you were to the staff and see if he could use you as an in, not a google review.

“It’s very relaxing.”  You aren’t just trying to flatter him, though you won’t object if he decides to puff up with pride from your praise.  “There really is- well I certainly haven’t ever seen another place like it,  I just have other places I should be spending my money.”

“You know I can help with that right.”  You must look extremely unamused because he deflates slightly but doesn’t falter.  “The National Track and Field Meet is coming up relatively soon, and I’ve been making some… changes to the menu.  It’s meant to appeal to a different clientele than we typically serve.  As a human from a completely different world your perspective on such a switch could prove invaluable.”  You stare at him, hard, trying to figure what angle he’s working and can’t really hit on one.  Well beyond the obvious; he thinks this will make him money.

“Are you sure you don’t just want me to wait tables during the event?”  Azul’s offered you work before, usually through Floyd dramatically arriving at Ramshackle unannounced to slack off in your guest room because “Azul will never find me here.  Not if I close my eyes and hide behind little shrimpy.”  But you weren’t too sure if that arrangement could apply to an event.

“I’ve already secured Ruggie’s assistance with that, but if you’re interested in a paid position Jade will certainly need some help in the kitchens, well assuming you’re better at washing dishes than Grim.”  You both have a bit of a laugh, though yours is significantly less mean spirited.  “I can give you more details about the menu tomorrow night, assuming you are free.”

“I suppose I could find some time.”  you give your best impression of Azul’s own shrug and hope he isn't too insulted.  “Any fine print I should be concerned about before I completely agree to this?”  He pauses, you are tempted to say because he didn’t expect to make it this far, but realistically he’s probably just trying to pick out what part of his plan is safe to tell you.

“The waitstaff will all be wearing their ceremonial robes as a special uniform for the event, but since you would just be washing dishes I would recommend-”

“I’m sorry, do you mean those things everyone was wearing at orientation?”  You don’t mean to interrupt him, really you’re just confused.  “The Octavinelle dorm uniform looks just fine.”

“I’m pleased you like them.”  He means it, you can tell by how he stands just a little bit taller, stopping your heart for what you tell yourself is the briefest of seconds.  “Our school's ceremonial robes are extremely popular with the local girls, so I am hoping they will draw more outside attention to the lounge.” 

“The ceremonial robes?  Seriously?”  Not that you could ever have been considered an authority on what types of menswear was objectively attractive but you were a person with preferences and the ceremonial robes looked a bit difficult to take off.  Not that you have thought extensively about them or anything else you’ve seen Azul wear.

“Do you not find them attractive prefect?”  The fact Azul’s asking you seriously, with a touch of distress doesn’t register until you’ve inelegantly vomited up your response.

“Not really.  I mean from what I remember from orientation you looked good in them but I can’t say I like them better than your dorm uniform.  You even make the stupid hat work.”  You physically bite down on your tongue to keep from saying anything else incriminating but the damage is already done.  The poor man looks like a boiled octopus, red from the tip of his ears to the point of his nose.  “Azul?”  He coughs into his hand.

“Well, disagreements about fashion aside, I take it we have a deal?”

“Sure.  Just send me a message on magicam when you need me and I’ll be there.”  

~~~~

The location flickers in his peripheral vision, his focus wholly consumed by them.  He’s never touched them like this, they’d never let him hold them like this but those thoughts fizzle in the face of your memory.  “You are amazing.”  He kisses them slowly as he gently cradles their face.  Closer, he wants them closer but tauntingly, agonizingly they pull away as the scene settles.  He’s on land, in the vip room of the lounge arms wrapped tightly around their waist while they’re sitting in his lap.  Closer they’re not close enough to him they can still move away, but they show no sign of leaving.  They just stare down at him, into him seeing him for who he is and not flinching at the sight.  Closer.  They lean back into his kiss and he pulls, surprisingly strong, into a tighter embrace.  Closer.  In dreams you don’t need to breathe, he’s free to move his hand behind their head and maneuver them down.  Closer.  He pins their hand next to their head, intertwining their fingers.  Closer.  “You look good, you look beautiful.”  He shudders into them, and-

Wakes up dry heaving into his pillows with a scream.  He’s panting, desperately trying to convince himself it’s out of disgust but he knows that’s not the case.  Azul’s known for a while now just how he feels about them, he finds it ugly.  Not them, sevens never them, he doubts he could ever truly find them as insignificant as he did before losing his contracts ever again.  He untangles himself from his sheets and reaches for his glasses and phone, searching for the picture they’d taken at the museum.  They look so happy, in awe even, and if he wants to lie to himself he can pretend that’s his doing and not the allure of the sea working its magic on yet another human.  But Azul is a merfolk, he may admire the sea witch but he knows the tale of the mermaid princess just as well.  The love between her and her prince was always portrayed as pure, innocent, devoid of things like thirst and greed.  That’s the sort of love he thinks they deserve, the kind that’s not burdened by insecurities or possessiveness.  Who would love someone who constantly lies?  

“You are amazing as it is, even without stealing anyone else’s powers. You work so hard, determination is much harder to master than magic.”

If he closes his eyes he can still see your face as you say it.  You meant every word, he knows you did.  Even now you don’t really treat him all that differently than you do your other friends, his efforts are appreciated and respected according to the work he puts into them just like he’s always wanted.  A wry smile works his way to his lips.  How poor and unfortunate he is.

~~~~

“When you need me” came sooner than you expected.  As soon as you made it back to Ramshackle you had two messages from Azul, one letting you know it was him and the other saying he had a space available for you to buss tables tomorrow if you were still available.

“I haven’t forgotten about my original request, once closing tasks are complete you can expect a truly unique reward.”  

He texts like he speaks, professionally.  If you didn’t know he was still a student you’d assume he was twice his actual age and already established in an office somewhere.  Part of that was true you supposed, he did own the Lounge and was probably texting from his office.

“(* ^ ω ^) I’ll make sure to be on time!”

“Hench-human.”  You look up from your phone to see Grim sitting on his favorite armchair, he sounds deathly serious and his face is bent into a look of disappointment he usually only reserves for Ace.  He’s even crossing his arms like a disappointed parent.  “We need to talk.”  

“Did you puke on the bed again?”

“No!”  He drops the act for a brief second before remembering he’s supposed to be “the one in charge” or something like that.  “But if you keep gigglin’ like that I’m gonna!”

“Like what?” you attempt to mimic his energy by folding your hands across your chest.

“Like you got a crush on that stupid octopus.”

“Oh.”  Oh.  You hadn’t really thought much about that.  On purpose really.  “Well you don’t have to do that.”  You had thought many things about Azul, felt a lot of things too.  Frustration, no one got to treat your friends that badly and then laugh about it.  Disappointment, someone so talented shouldn’t be wasting his time bullying others to feel better about himself.  He should be secure in his own successes.  Pity, but then again how else could he be expected to feel with his childhood having been what it was?  Anger, that made his actions all the more inexcusable, you didn’t really regret putting him in his place even if the method was… less than ideal.  Awe, you were aware most of your friends were still stuck firmly in anger.  Sure, Ace and Deuce didn’t have much of a problem buying things from the Lounge or using their point cards, but there still was a bit of a sting to the whole arrangement.  Grim might not have been capable of much but he could hold a grudge.  Especially when someone hurt you, it was exceptionally sweet.  You however…

It started with his overblot form.  Floyd never should have told you that’s what he actually looked like, you swear you forgot how to breathe for a solid minute.  Azul was beautiful, ethereal, and awe inspiring.  You didn’t even mind that he was actively trying to choke you with his tentacles, you were that tempted to let him.  Once he came to and came back to his human form, you were forced to swallow those feelings.  Tuck them away in the hopes that Azul would go back to being that distant pretty face he had been since he ran down Grim at orientation.  You told yourself you were content being friends with Riddle and the Heartslabyul gang, you didn’t need the acceptance of other dorms.  

But he hadn’t.  The trip to the museum apparently made the twins decide you were a friend; Floyd would follow you around when he got bored and demand you play with him, and if Jade had your schedule memorized no he didn’t prefect him ambushing you with an invitation to check out his club was completely coincidental.  Azul remained distant, only ever really approaching when he needed something or to make an offer.  It hurt that small part of themselves they’d been beating away with a stick, it hurt even worse when he reached out harder when they ignored him.  This world’s already hurt you enough, you don’t need to be pining over an emotionally unavailable guy who viewed everything in the world through material value.

“Mmmmm.”  Grim’s staring at you, clearly unconvinced and trying to not come off as worried.

“Really Grim.  I promise, no kissing fish for me.”  your phone pings and you see another message, from Floyd this time, and swipe to unlock just as the front door of Ramshackle nearly cracks off its hinges to announce his arrival.

“Shriiiiiiimpy, I’m so bored and Azul’s makin me work.”  A loud obviously fake whine rings through the foyer and you sigh.

Looks like you will be seeing Azul a bit sooner than expected.

~~~~

The lounge is chaos by the time you sprint through the mirrors into Octavinelle.  You scan the lounge frantically for Jade and settle on his retreating form heading towards the back office.  It would be undignified to sprint towards him so you force yourself to speed walk through the waves of customers towards Floyd’s usual section.  Another first year, one that actually belongs in this dorm, is floundering around trying to figure out why he’s even alive and nearly jumps out of his skin when you tap him on the shoulder.  “Sorry I’m late, can you let Azul know I’m here?”  He abandons you faster than a sinking ship and you barely resist the urge to scream at him to show a little gratitude.  The Monstro Lounge is a “gentleman's establishment.”  It doesn’t employ howler monkeys, but it sure does serve them.  You snap your best customer service smile into place and glide over to one such cherished customer whose glare is threatening to freeze you to the floor.  “I’m sorry about the wait, how can I serve you today?”

Meanwhile, back at the office, Azul is attempting to convince himself that he isn’t mad.  Really, he’s just disappointed and really how could he be that when Floyd has been such a cherished friend for so long and-

“Oya, Azul, you’re starting to resemble a boiled octopus, are you sure this hasn’t complicated your plans at all?”  Jade is usually, key word being usually, just as inconvenienced by his brother’s mood swings as anyone else.  But this time, this time, Azul thinks while his left eye threatens to spasm out of its socket, he has a slight feeling that Jade might have encouraged this one.  He’s smiling way too wide.

“Nonsense, I always have back up-”  Jade doesn’t let him finish his thought.

“Ah but we can’t just go calling the prefect for this can we?  Not when things aren’t perfect yet.”

“Just what are you getting out of this?”  He really shouldn’t have to beg, Jade seems surprised he’s even trying.

“Maybe I’m just a bit better at reading things than you are.”  And before Azul can try strangling Jade for that comment one of his students bursts into the back room panting as if he’d just run a marathon. 

“Dorm leader!  The prefect came over to take Floyd’s section.  Said to let you know they were here.”  He doesn’t respond immediately, he can see his plans going up in dust around him while Jade laughs beside him.

“There you see, Azul?  No need to worry.”  And as if the night couldn’t get any worse that damn moray bows to whisper in his ear.  “They came for you after all.”  

It really is a good night for unagi.

~~~~

The walk back to Ramshackle is quiet.  If you just keep your eyes on the path in front of you, the only thing you can hear is the chirp of an occasional cricket.  The sigh of an owl.  And of course the light click of the footsteps beside you, if you were extra quiet, you could maybe even hear Azul breathing.  It’s soft, if you could bring yourself to look at him maybe you would see that he’s just as nervous about this as you are.  

Not that “this” is anything special really.  You’ve worked closing shifts at the lounge before, and someone always walks you back.  Usually it’s Grim, he never actually helps with the work but he’s more than happy to show up at the end and claim some share of the reward for shepherding you home.  But this time the little weasel had decided not to show and, for some reason, Azul had asked to accompany you.  “For my sanity if nothing else.”  You hadn’t been able to speak since hearing that for fear your heart would leap right out of your mouth, you aren’t even entirely certain how you managed to nod an approval.  Not that Azul’s been much better, he hasn’t made eye contact with you since you started the walk back.  Or spoken.  You’d almost think he’s annoyed, or angry, if not for how the closer you get to your dorm the slower his steps get.  Maybe he doesn’t want things to end so soon either…

“The moon is beautiful tonight.”  He breaks his silence with a sigh and you choke slightly, eyes darting towards him warily even though you know for a fact that phrase doesn’t hold the same meaning here.  

“Ramshackle always has a great view of the night sky.”  you look up at the moon to avoid Azul’s quizzical gaze.  “It looks almost exactly like the moon in my world.”

“You enjoy watching it then, I take it?”  You don’t answer immediately, the question swirling up a myriad of contracting emotions and answers.

“Sometimes.”  You settle on a thought, haphazard as it feels.  “It’s funny, the longer I look at it the more it makes me think about a story I used to really like.”  

“Used to?”  You don’t have to look at Azul to know he’s doing the thing he always does while probing for information.  Yet you do anyway, the little unnecessary push he gives to his glasses is too cute.

“It just feels a bit too close to home now.”  It feels silly to say that, but then again, this is Azul.  He could also technically be considered to be from another world, so maybe he’d understand.   “There’s this bamboo cutter who finds a baby in one of the bamboo stalks he cuts and raises her as his daughter.  There’s always something just a bit off about her, when there’s a full moon out she stares at it and cries a whole lot, like there’s something up there she misses.  She’s extremely beautiful though so everyone kind of brushes that off, and after finding her the bamboo cutter starts finding gold in every bamboo stalk he cuts.”

“That’s unrealistic.”  scoffs Azul.  “There has to be a catch.”  You can’t help but laugh, of course this is where he’d choose to interrupt.

“It’s a story, Azul.  And besides you literally live in a world where magic exists calm down.”  He snorts and you quickly start talking before he can begin his protests.  “Anyway he starts finding gold inside the bamboo and becomes wealthy enough to be considered important.  His daughter grows up to be an otherworldly beautiful woman and gets a bunch of attention from all over the country, people call her a princess.  She’s so popular the emperor himself comes to see her and they get to talking. The two of them find they have a lot in common, so when the emperor proposes he’s sure she’ll say yes.”  Azul’s smart, you’re pretty sure he’s figured out the plot twist already by the way he’s set his jaw, but he makes no attempt to stop you.  Almost like he’s hoping you will prove him wrong.  “But she doesn’t.  She says she can’t marry him because she isn’t from his country and can’t be his queen.  He’s heartbroken but the princess agrees to keep in touch so he thinks that maybe he could one day have a chance, but then the princess’s strange behavior’s start getting more erratic.  She starts spending every night outside looking at the moon, and when her father finally asks her why she tells him a secret.  That she is from the moon, and that soon she’s going to have to return.”  You look back at Azul, expecting his eyes to be on the moon only to find them centered pointedly on you.  It’s a heavy gaze, suffocating almost.  

“I can’t imagine the emperor was accepting of that.”  He’s trying to make a joke, at least you think.  The words fall sort of flat.

“When the princess tells him that, he tries to send soldiers to her house.  To prevent the moon from taking her back.  But it doesn’t work, when the time comes for her to return everyone in the house falls into a deep sleep while the princess is swept up by the moon people.”  You both stand in silence for a moment before you think to add.  “That’s not really why I started disliking it though.  There’s- when she goes back to the moon they wrap her up in this cloak that makes her forget everyone she met on earth.”    

“Do you think that’s what will happen to you?”  There’s an emotion in his voice you can’t quite place.  If you had to describe it you’d say he was teetering on the edge of desperation, over what you can’t quite tell.  “Do you want that to happen to you?”

“No!”  You surprise yourself with how forcefully you shout.  “I don’t think the lady from the moon did either.  Pretty much every version of the story I ever read really made it seem like she wanted to stay, but-”

“Why didn’t the emperor go himself?”  He’s getting closer to the edge, similar to how he sounded when his contracts got turned to dust but thankfully not yet that desperate.  “If he was in love, why didn’t he demand they stay?”  And that aura from flying class is back;  he’s talking but he isn’t saying what he means but this time you think-

The way he looks at you has changed.  Azul’s smiles have started reaching his eyes, you belatedly foolishly realize, and now his carefully concealed doubts have too.  “Maybe he was afraid.”  you don’t have to phrase it as a question, there’s no real question about what’s keeping you both silent here.  He flinches, trying desperately to steady himself.  You take a deep, shuddering breath as Azul squares his shoulders and steps closer to you.  “That they wanted to leave all along and he couldn’t bring himself to deny them.”  Closer.  “Maybe he thought somethings were more important than taking a risk on someone from another world.”  Closer.  Not quite yet as close as he could be but firmly within reach, but he doesn’t dare move any more.

“He’s a better man than me.”  It’s a warning, or at least it should register as one.  Make you reconsider the smile that escapes your lips and settles firmly into his poor unfortunate heart.  “I don’t think I could let such a rare person go if they shone so clearly against the night sky.”  You want to laugh.  Really you do but you’re too busy reveling in the newfound light in his eyes to do anything other than choke back a sob.  

“Then I guess you’re lucky I’m not from the moon.”  And finally, finally, finally you move to close the gap so you’re standing chest to chest under the light of the moon, warming the cold beat of his heart into something far less shallow.  Finally, finally he sees you, and knows he doesn’t have to look away.

*Jade encouraged Floyd to ditch so Azul wouldn't be in control of the conversation. Partially to mess with him and partially because I think someone as obsessed with perfection as Azul should be forced to realize love isn't something you can plan every aspect of and I think Jade would agree with me because I am the author and I say so.

**In the original translation I read everyone is blinded by a light. I changed this for correlation to chapter 7.

[ofdemonsandangels]

A Masterlist of My Favorite GriffGuts fics Part 2

Well hello again! We're coming up on two years since my last GriffGuts fic rec masterlist and so many amazing fics have come out since then! I'm really happy that the original list got so much love, I really can't wait to share more of my favorites with you all, both new or looked over from before <3

One-Shots

White Hawk Down by bishounenjump

Summary:

Sometimes Guts forgets that Griffith is just a man. A man with a body.

My comments:

A missing scene from canon that we all wish could have happened

Snowmelt by bthump

Summary:

Once again, Griffith acts impulsively when it comes to Guts. AU where Griffith doesn't find out that Guts left the Hawks until after he's gone.

My comments:

The way I was waiting for two whole years for another bthump fic after Refraction lmao. This fic is one of those fics that you pull up to cope with after you remember what happened in canon.

What would happen if the duel in the snow never happened but Griffith still chased after Guts to bring him back? Find out in 10.2k words of peak writing. In bthump we trust (￣^￣)ゞ

Late Night Reverie by bishounenjump

Summary:

"He won’t hesitate to admit that he loves being king. No blustering nobleman can take that from him.

And yet, on nights like this, when he can drink in the broad expanse of his commander — his dark brow and gentle gaze and absurdly strong physique — he knows that some dreams do occasionally obscure others."

My comments:

A very heartwarming glimpse into a future that Guts and Griffith could've had. I feel all warm inside whenever I reread this fic

we're not in love, we share no stories by Alyss_Baskerville

Summary:

Though the gash on Guts’ shoulder heals, his eyes now skip right past Griffith.

My comments:

Whereas the previous fic rec was a sweet look into a future that never was, this fic is a painful one. Holy hell did I feel like someone had carved my heart out of my chest when I had finished the final line. It reminds me a lot of the film, Atonement, so if you've seen the film, you can take a lot more away from this fic.

In the Absence of Light by Ghidorahs_Child

Summary:

Schierke aches for him, for the happiness he was denied, for the love he has lost.

My comments:

Guts and Schierke share their own Corridor of Dreams moments and it's just as bittersweet as you think it is

A Dreamless Sleep by Queenbananya

Summary:

“I’ve killed children for you,” Guts said, lying next to Griffith on a patch of grass. He peered up at the stars and remembered the kid’s face, the hand that reached out to him helplessly as the last trace of life faded from his eyes.

Or, Guts seeks comfort from Griffith, months after he's killed Adonis.

My comments:

Griffith comforting Guts as he deals with the trauma of killing Adonis is something we all desperately wanted at some point

That Dawn in the Snow by Nefastum

Summary:

He wondered now if Griffith even remembered there were others around him, or if he had completely shut them out. Casca and Judeau were staring in uncertainty, and not far back up the road it was easy to see Rickert, Corkus, and Pippin in earshot of most of their conversation. Griffith didn’t falter, though. It was like all he could see was Guts, and perhaps they’d have to find an excuse for his vulnerability later for the others. Guts could sympathize, though. The feeling was mutual.

My comments:

You can never go wrong with a duel in the snow au, and this fic is no different. The characterization of Griffith here is really great too and probably one of my favorite takes of him for this scene in particular

This Fleeting Dream by Queenbananya

Summary:

"To me... they are not friends. A friend is someone that is my equal."

Perhaps it was the way his thoughts had strayed in that direction, or simply how attuned he was to the movements of his soldiers. His eyes could always find him. Guts stood there, listening. And in his eyes, there was heartbreak.

Or, Griffith catches Guts listening in his famous fountain conversation with Charlotte and follows after him. Essentially, an exploration of his character and feelings for Guts.

My comments:

A very interesting take on a "Griffith clearing everything up with Guts after he finds out he overheard his dream speech at the fountain" au. Equal parts fluff and equal parts angst

Forever Facade by TheriOlis

Summary:

Slan has come to see what manner of flower grows atop the bones buried beneath Griffith's garden.

My comments:

The GriffGuts in this fic is mild but as the resident Slan thirster, I need you all to read this because it's really fucking good. NeoGriff being egged on by Slan for nearly 2k words? Yes, YEs, YES

Recoil and Grace by aloveleyburn

Summary:

Their fingers wind together in the darkness. Outside there is that ever-present chirping of birds and insects – the music of those dark hours, calming as cool water. Outside some car alarm goes off in the empty streets, and on the bedside table, clock reads 2:47am.

My comments:

There are so many words that I could use to describe this fic, but I think I'll just settle on 'quintessential'. I can't remember the last time I was so enthralled by a fic, so glued to my screen and absorbing every single word in front of me. The way that Ariel blends the two storylines into one in such a flawless manner reminds me of a weaver stitching together two scenes in a tapestry. Each thread is connected in a way that matters.

If there's one fic you walk away with from this list, I hope that this is the fic.

Property by starry_dynamo

Summary:

“I’ve wanted you since the moment we met, and if the reason you never returned my advances was that you felt tainted by that scum from your past, I will carve him from your memory. You are not his. You belong to me, and I want your body to never forget.”

Griffith learns why Guts has a problem with intimacy. Guts learns he has another purpose.

My comments:

BDSM to cope with trauma. That's it. It's nice and sweet and hot at the same time.

Geleotto fu il Libro by Ghidorahs_child

Summary:

"I have nightmares of you leaving me."

My comments:

GriffGuts gets ready for bed together! Featuring book talk, insecurities, and lots of domestic fluff

Steel Groove by Maplekites

Summary:

The Hawks enjoy celebrating anything they can.

My comments:

GriffGuts, my dancing queens

Completed Multi-Chapter Fics

When Night Comes Down by alovelyburn

Summary:

"If you stand far enough outside the tapestry, you can see the many threads and paths unwalked. The points of change can be so tiny they go unnoticed at the time... though the ripples travel for centuries and more, into eternity. Yet, in the end, all paths lead to one path. There may be deviations, yes, yet still we dance that same dance, with the steps assigned to us by fate. It is inevitable. One must die to resurrect. One must fall to rise."

My comments:

This fic is my Roman Empire. If Apostle!Guts is your thing, this fic is the perfect fic for you.

Ongoing Multi-Chapter Fics

our castle was always made of sand by meereens

Summary:

His life was easy to understand. Mother liked to tell him stories, wrapped up in their canopy bed with warmth crackling in her words. He was born from a real-life fairytale, everyone knew it, from a dashing knight’s love for a simple princess.

Queen Charlotte and King Griffith's young son uncovers something he was not meant to know.

My comments:

This is THEE GriffGuts kid fic (and the only one to my knowledge too haha). It's the perfect "Griffith gets guy and the throne" au and really explores what GriffGuts would look like from a child's perspective, specifically Griffith's son's perspective. I know that kid fics can be annoying with the way some people write kids but trust me, William Leopold Guts Charles Wyndham is the cutest little guy ever and I would lay down my life for him.

Fic Series

Sehnsucht by SeaDragons (SimpleNefelibata)

My comments:

GriffGuts: Hurt no Comfort the Series

[siilvan]

OC File: Mylène "Petra" Scholten de Ridder

gorgeous renders by the amazing wonderful phenomenal lovely @gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot <33

finally posting my oc to cope with mw3... i've had her since november '22, didn't even mention her name to anyone until august lol. i've never had the confidence (or skill) to do this, so i'm thanking all of my mutuals with their wonderful ocs for giving me the strength to do it, even if they don't know it <3

note: despite petra being reader's callsign in bloodsport, it is not intended to be my oc. so far, the only fics that petra properly appears in are desideria and fortuna redux. i know it's confusing and i'm sorry 😭 more of her (and others) in the future!

very long post BTC...

edit: completely forgot to include this— credit to cptnprice for the file!!

GENERAL

Name: Mylène "Petra" Scholten de Ridder

Nicknames/Aliases: Petra, Doc, Bravo 0-5, MEDINT 5, Leni (by friends/family)

Rank: Lieutenant (since 2015)

Gender: Female

Birth Date: June 29, 1990

Nationality: Dutch

Affiliations: Royal Netherlands Army, Korps Commandotroepen, Task Force 141, Coalition (Warcom), SpecGru

Birthplace: Rotterdam, Netherlands

Current Residence: The Hague, Netherlands

APPEARANCE

Hair Color: Golden Brown

Eye Color: Blue (right), Green (left)

Height: 5'7" (1.70 m)

Weight: 160 lbs (72 kg)

Build: Athletic, hourglass (hips. That's all.)

Blood Type: O-

Marks: Various tattoos (pictured below), scar on cheek

Faceclaim: Rianne Haspels (Carlotta Champagne for body)

DETAILS

Sexuality: Unlabeled (prefers men)

Languages: Dutch (native), English (C2), Spanish (A2), French (B2), German (C1), Danish (C1), Russian (B2), Arabic (B1)

Education: Biochemistry BS from the University of Amsterdam, Biochemistry MSc from the University of Copenhagen

Preferred Hairstyles: Low bun or Dutch braid for missions, 3-strand braid or loose for everyday

Preferred Mission Attire: Anything from jeans and a turtleneck, to slim cargos and a tank top, to proper combat fatigues. Dresses for the weather, but hates anything baggy. Prefers to wear black and green, occasionally wears white, tan, or blue. Very athletic style.

Preferred Civilian Attire: Usually dresses fairly casual. Jeans, cargos, leather pants, leggings. Plain t-shirts, henleys, turtlenecks, off-shoulder tops. Wears bomber jackets or hoodies. Mostly wears black, green, or white. Likes feeling comfortable but cute when she's off the clock.

Favorite Color: Evergreen

Favorite Flower: Magnolia

PERSONALITY

Myers-Briggs Type: ENFJ-T. Extraverted, intuitive, feeling, judging, and turbulent. Petra prioritizes the better of the group over personal benefit and strives to have a positive impact on the world and the people around her. Happy to lead or follow, but preferring to guide others, she is a self-identified humanitarian with a pipe dream of world peace. Reliability, tolerance, passion, and altruism ultimately conflict with overthinking, stubbornness, perfectionism, and indecisiveness – Petra is both helped and hindered by the idea of what things can be or could have been.

FAMILY

Father: Colonel Hendrik "Chimera" Scholten de Ridder. Former KCT commander and military legend-turned terrorist. (deceased)

Mother: Johanna Scholten de Ridder (née van den Bos). Former MEDINT analyst for the BVD and MID. (deceased)

Brother: Sergeant Emiel "Nightfall" Scholten de Ridder. KCT operative and specialist in anything covert; never misses a shot. Ally of TF141, rarely stays in any one place for long due to the nature of his assignments.

Uncle: Unnamed paternal uncle. Father's younger brother, civilian military engineer. Lost his life in a terrorist attack in the mid-1990s. (deceased)

Aunt: Special Agent Merel "Songbird" van den Bos. Mother's older sister, former agent for the BVD and MID. Specialist in foreign relations and espionage. May or may not be living in the USA and married to Frank Woods (spoiler: she is).

Grandfather: General Emiel Scholten de Ridder. Paternal grandfather, former commander of the Royal Netherlands Army. Yes, her brother is named after him. (deceased)

SKILLS

Fighting Style: Adaptable, but prefers to keep her distance. Studied kickboxing, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and Krav Maga in her youth – CQC is influenced by these.

Weapons: Can use whatever is available. Is oddly talented with a quarterstaff despite none of her training involving it.

Preferred Weapons: M4 (Hightower 20" Barrel, Schlager PEQ Box IV laser, Cronen Mini Pro optic, Corio Precio Factory stock), X12, Fairbairn-Sykes fighting knife, karambit, throwing knives

Special Skills: Specializes in MEDINT analysis, trauma/medical care, chemical warfare, hostage rescue, asset protection, and foreign military assistance. Can act as a translator. Has received training in sniping, espionage, and stealth combat from allies. Is notorious for her strong fortitude. Very versatile.

Hobbies: Art, cooking, baking, reading, sports (baseball, climbing, kickboxing, swimming, ice skating), music (drums), studying languages

Former Hobbies: Did ballet and gymnastics in her youth. Still enjoys both, doesn't have the time to practice either. Has decent equilibrium thanks to them.

TRIVIA

The name Mylène can mean "merciful", Scholten refers to a schout (government official that handled administration of justice), and de Ridder means "the knight".

Her callsign Petra means "rock, stone" and is not implying that she's a stony person! She earned her callsign due to her high tolerance and endurance; she's also uniquely durable, often recovering from or withstanding injuries that would leave others in worse condition. It's a bit supernatural, don't worry about it.

Was introduced to drumming by her Uncle Frank when she was little. It's canon to me.

Mylène looks like a carbon copy of her aunt, sans some details like hair and eye color. She's also more well-built than her aunt thanks to being in the military.

Has a bunch of small rituals, habits, and very specific ways of doing things thanks to her OCD – nothing too crazy (she has no choice but to manage these thanks to her career), but you'll start to notice them if you're around her enough.

Has polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). She's learned ways to lessen the symptoms and has an IUD that helps immensely, but it's why she still has a decent amount of fat on her body despite working out religiously. (Not projecting my issues shh)

Doesn't date often due to her career and personal reservations. Prefers someone older, though. (I'm not projecting shh x2)

Keeps a journal on her at almost all times. Inside of it is anything from basic medical info for her allies, random drawings, important notes, etc. Likes to pretend it's organized, but it's not. At all.

Skipped a year in primary school, hence why she graduated at 17 instead of 18 despite attending a VWO school.

It was painfully obvious that she learned her Russian in school before she met Nikolai. After he laughed at her, he taught her how to sound more "natural" – AKA, he taught her almost exclusively profanity.

Bouncing off that, she's Mrs. Worldwide. Petra's unintentionally picked up so much slang from her coworkers.

Her favorite genres of literature are romance and philosophy. She can read outrageous smut with a straight face, but blushes and grins over fluffy stuff. Tries to read books in other languages to practice, too!

Will not touch any drug with a 10-foot pole. Same goes for tobacco, she's the type to dramatically cough if the team smokes around her. She's very health-conscious!!

TATTOOS

source 1 source 2

Tattoo One (Hands) I'm not going to lie... originally gave Petra the tattoo (two, actually – she has it on both hands) because I loved Freya's tattoos in GOW and the design is inspired by those. From an in-universe standpoint, it was her first tattoo (age 17) and she just wanted something simple that could be hidden under her gloves to prevent fading. Has to get them touched up every now and then.

Tattoo Two (Right Arm) Full sleeve of willow branches, florals, and butterflies. There's a lot of symbolism in this one. The butterflies represent transformation, hope, and rebirth; the willow branches symbolize a new life, protection, flexibility, and adaptability; the flowers embody anything from growth, joy, transience, hope, love, and death.

source 3 source 4

Tattoo Three (Left Bicep) Two-headed snake with flowers! I don't think I need to rhapsodize about the florals again, so I'll skip to the snake. Depending on the culture, a two-headed serpent can represent wildly different things. It's a symbol of rebirth and resurrection, with each head representing earth and the underworld. It can symbolize indecision and conflicting ideas. Duality, balance, power, healing, insight, and deeper awareness; snakes were often seen as a spiritual messenger, and the dual nature of a two-headed serpent represents learning from both positive and negative experiences. (if I see any "heehoo konni" comments, I will blow up the sun, this ain't about him babygirls 😔)

Tattoo Four (Left Inner Forearm) Compass with an arrow! The symbolism is pretty obvious, I think... Direction, guidance, and navigation; the compass arrow combines the arrow's representation of direction and forward movement and the compass' symbolism of finding your way and staying on course. Together, it represents the idea that, no matter how far away you are, your arrow will always hit its target – even when losing your way, you'll always be able to overcome adversity and find your way back.

BACKGROUND

⋆ CW: themes of child abuse, violence, SA (marked with ***) and overall mary sue levels of tragedy

Born on June 29, 1990 in the city of Rotterdam, Netherlands, to Hendrik Scholten de Ridder and Johanna Scholten de Ridder, Mylène had a normal – if not privileged, thanks to her family's prominent histories – early childhood. At the age of 3, her brother, Emiel, was born. Known to be a clever, compassionate girl, Mylène took to the "big sister" role with ease.

Her father was a captain from a distinguished military family with the callsign "Chimera", who ascended to the rank of colonel and commanded the Royal Netherlands Army’s special forces unit, the Korps Commandotroepen. Her mother was a medical intelligence analyst for the AIVD and MIVD (then-known as the BVD and MID) with a family history in government and politics.

In the late fall of 1999, when Mylène was only 9 years old, she came home from school and discovered her mother's corpse, having been killed by enemies of her father originally seeking to hold the family for ransom. This event, paired with the traumas he sustained over his years in the military, drove her father to "near insanity" as he became consumed with paranoia and grief. The rest of her and her brother's adolescence was defined by the trauma of her father's abuse; he subjected the siblings to rigorous physical and psychological training in order to mold them into "perfect soldiers" and prevent any further loss.

Despite this, her father was publicly viewed as a war hero. He would often leave the two alone when he was on deployment, forcing Mylène to care for herself and her brother with nothing more than a roof over their heads and grocery money provided. The siblings developed an unbreakable bond during this time that would extend into their adulthoods, rendering them a synergic duo both at home and in the field.

After finishing secondary school at 17, Mylène enlisted in the Royal Netherlands Army. She also studied at the University of Amsterdam – taking online classes – and eventually graduated with a BS in Biochemistry. She spent 3 years serving in various military hospitals, clinics, and field units under the 400 Medical Battalion, until she joined selection for the KCT in 2011. She was swiftly recognized for her high tolerance, natural interpersonal skills, and advanced aptitude for MEDINT analysis; she passed selection with top marks, setting several records during the infamous "hell week" exercise.

Mylène operated as a combat medic until August 2013, when she worked with the British SAS's Unit Bravo under the command of Captain John Price. Despite the joint team being greatly reduced in number and separated after a series of heavy artillery attacks from enemy forces, Mylène managed to provide emergency medical care and calm leadership as her party made its way to the rendezvous point that Price's group was defending.

After the joint operation concluded, Price took an interest in her, deciding to train her as a sniper and teach her how to better use her skills in combat. The two quickly developed a close relationship built upon mutual trust and a desire to fight for what's right, regardless of rules or orders. At some point after this, her unflappable nature and composure when faced with challenging conditions earned her the callsign "Petra".

*** By 2014, Mylène was in a several year-long relationship with a National Reserve Corps (NATRES) NCO named Florian Van Aller. On February 14 of that year, he suddenly came to her with an idea that left her speechless: "sharing" her with his unit. Despite his insistence and attempt to pressure her into it, Mylène refused, ending the relationship. They met on base the next day after Florian messaged her claiming to want to apologize – when she came face-to-face with him and his mentor, Captain Jozef Daalmans, she realized what she had been told was a lie.

*** Although the captain's only involvement was restraining her and watching, Mylène felt violated by both men. She was left at the scene, battered and ashamed, until the last person she expected to help found her – Colonel Hendrik Scholten de Ridder. In a rare act that she now describes as "the last time she ever saw her real father," he comforted her and took her to the hospital, where Mylène received treatment for the injuries she sustained in the assault. She never spoke of the incident afterwards, leaving herself, her father, and her attackers as the only people privy to it.

In early 2015, an assault team led by Chimera and Petra on an enemy submarine revealed that there was a traitor within the unit. The entire team, save for Chimera and Petra themselves, was killed onboard the vessel. The traitor was eventually discovered to be Chimera himself, with Petra as the only witness to his admission and subsequent attempt to bury her, and any incriminating evidence, at sea. With her father in the wind and knowing that her word alone wouldn't be enough to implicate him for his crimes, Petra contacted Captain Price, telling him: "You're the only person I can trust."

An unsanctioned operation to capture or kill Chimera was planned by the two, with the help of her brother – now a KCT operative nicknamed "Nightfall" – and Nikolai, a trusted contact of Price's. The small team managed to track the Colonel and his supporters to a base deep in the Alps, where they successfully wiped out the entire group and killed Chimera. After this mission, Petra felt indebted to Price and Nikolai, considering them two of the few people she could trust implicitly.

From then on, Petra lent her services to various humanitarian groups in an effort to provide protection and medical care on missions around the globe. With expertise in frontline trauma and medical care, hostage rescue, asset protection, medical intelligence analysis, chemical warfare, and the training and advising of foreign military units, Petra proved to be an elite operative capable of remaining calm in even the most dire scenarios. She’s been awarded the Military William Order, the Bronze Lion, the Bronze Cross, and the Cross of Merit for both covert and overt operations, establishing herself as a minor legend within the elite commando corps.

However, a little over a year after the unsanctioned operation in the Alps, Petra was captured and imprisoned by Ultranationalist forces. She was regularly tortured during her captivity, often by Vladimir Makarov, whom she now sarcastically describes as "a lovely man."

Sometime in mid-2017, Petra was yet-again assigned to a unit led by Price, tasked with infiltrating and securing an Al-Qatala base located in Kastovia. Another member of the unit was Nightfall, serving as the team's scout sniper. During the mission, while providing overwatch, Nightfall's radio was suddenly cut off. When the rest of the team finally reached his location to investigate, several IEDs planted in the area went off and forced the group to retreat. Petra attempted a rescue, but was prevented from doing so by Price, as it was too dangerous. Demolition teams cleared the area the following day. Once it was safe to extract Nightfall, however, the recovery team found nothing.

With her brother declared dead in absentia, Petra chose to abandon the special forces. She went back to school and earned an MSc in Biochemistry at the University of Copenhagen, refusing to contact any of her former allies so as to avoid being dragged back into the military.

In April 2019, Petra was tracked down in Denmark by Price, who informed her of Vladimir Makarov's plans in Verdansk and urged her to join the SAS team being sent to stop him. After thorough convincing, she agreed to come back for one more mission, seeking revenge against the man that tortured her years ago.

Petra was later handpicked for the task force Price established alongside CIA Station Chief Kate Laswell following the death of General Roman Barkov in November 2019. She was once again sought out by Price – and Nikolai, who was the "final nail in the coffin," according to Price – and convinced to join the team as a commanding officer.

About a month later, Laswell pinpointed the location of a prison in Georgia believed to be used by Al-Qatala to hold POWs. Reconnaissance of the prison confirmed this and the identity of several of the prisoners; Nightfall was identified as one of the POWs. Petra, leading an elite KCT unit, raided the location shortly thereafter, securing the captives, Nightfall, and intel about Al-Qatala's plans.

Between the invasion of Verdansk, Las Almas, and a burgeoning war with Konni group... Petra has fully committed herself to Task Force 141, willing to save the world or die trying.

[cassiaratheslytherpuff]

Drarry Podfic Reclist - Length 10+ hours

A list of podfics I've enjoyed. Sorted first by length, then alphabetically.

This is the list with podfics that are 10+ hours long. I also have lists for Length 1-3 hours, Length 3-6 hours and Length 6-10 hours or you can check out the masterlist.

10-15 hours

Title: All Life is Yours to Miss Read by: originally reads Authour: Saras_Girl Length:~ 11h Rating: Mature Summary: Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go. This one always makes me smile. It's very focused on Draco, and his journey to figuring out how to really live his life instead of just excist in it. Beautiful story that's beautifully read in a soothing voice.

Title: Away Childish Things Read by: RattleandHum (ThirdEye1234) Authour: lettered Length:~ 14h Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him. Beautiful fic read so wonderfully it made me ache with all the feels.

Title: Kaleidoscope Read by: Melcarrianna Authour: Saras_Girl Length:~ 13h Rating: Explicit Summary: If Harry’s honest, the last thing he needs is a house full of Draco Malfoy, but partners are partners, and perhaps, the thing he wants the least will turn out to be absolutely everything. 2021 advent fic, Recorded for 2022. I love that we're combining two of my favourite things here, Ryu's amazing advent-fic's and Melcarrianna's brilliant voice. This one will play on repeat every December.

Title: Temptation on the Warfront Read by: Sandstripe Authour: alizarincrims0n Length:~ 14h Rating: Explicit Summary: Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes.

Title: What We Pretend We Can't See Read by: FayJay Authour: Gyzym Length:~ 13h Rating: Mature/Explicit Summary: Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought. (Auror Potter is summoned to a break-in at a rather eccentric little museum in the house he used to own.) This is one of those fics where I can finish listening and just start it over again immediatly. It's got magical houses, house elf magic, friendships, humour, and I absolutely love how Draco and Harry are both written in this. FayJay gives amazing life to the charachters, and this one is just so wonderful.

Title: When Times are Dire Read by: aibidil Authour: aibidil Length:~ 14h Rating: Explicit Summary: Magical Britain is screwed, and it's once again up to Harry to save it. This time, by marrying Draco Malfoy. This fic is so interesting. It's fake relationship but done differently to anything else I've read. It's political in a way that rings true for so much that's going on in the world and it was lovely to see the characters I love fight for things I believe in!

15+ hours

Title: All Our Secrets Laid Bare Read by: Melcarrianna Authour: Firethesound Length:~ 18h Rating: Explicit Summary: Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his latest partner to investigate just what is going on. This one is perfect for when my brain won't slow down and be quiet. It's a lovely and interesting story and it's read it in a way that's both soothing and engaging all at once.

Title: Always Already Read by: aibidil Authour: aibidil Length:~ 20h Rating: Explicit Summary: Harry and Draco are perfectly fine, separately minding their business in 2004, when the Unspeakables conscript them into service... in the First War against Voldemort. Come for mutual pining and forced proximity in a 1980 hotel room, stay for young Sirius and philosophising about immortality and wormholes. And an eighties cowboy soap opera. This one is just excellent. I love how the time-travel is done and how alive the characters felt to me both because of the writing and the reading. The podfic has sound-effects from the 80s and it's just so good. I've listened to this several times since it came out a year and a half ago.

Title: Blood Magic Read by: houseofhebrideanblacks, Thestralsofspinnersend Authours: houseofhebrideanblacks, Thestralsofspinnersend Length:~ 33h Rating: Explicit Summary: A story of thestral magic, forest lore and recovery from all the things that haunt us. This is a beautiful story of recovery, friendship, love and life. And in being a story about that it exlpores the darker sides of those same themes; illness, loneliness and death. The authours read the story themselves, giving different voices to Draco and Harry's POV. It's a beautiful listen.

Title: Foundations'Verse - Reparations, Foundations Read by: 6shotsamericano Authour: Saras_Girl Length:~10h + 27.5h Rating: Explicit Summary: Reparations: Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places. Foundations: When one door closes, another one opens – with a bit of a push. Life, love and complications. This verse was one of my first ever Drarry fics, and the podfic of it was my first ever podfic experience. Both were major influences on the fact that I now love both Drarry and podfic. The fics are a masterpiece and 6shotsamericano reads them in such a wonderfull way that it's easy to immerse yourself in the story.

Title: Secrets Read by: Opalsong Authour: Vorabiza (Biza) Length:~ 44hRating: ExplicitSummary: Beginning with Draco's unexpected arrival at the Dursleys, Harry's summer becomes filled with activity and many secrets. He generates several unexpected allies as he finds himself actively becoming the leader of the Light side. H/D post-HBP This story is an intense alternate book 7, and Opalsong reads it so engagingly. 

Title: The Man Who Lived Read by: RattleandHum Authour: SebastianL Length:~ 25h Rating: Explicit Summary: Draco breaks a cup, and one thing leads to another. A story of redemption, tattoos, dreams, mistakes, green eyes, long conversations, and copious amounts of coffee. Set in New York twelve years after the war. This is wonderful, slow-burning, heartbreaking and sweet. RattleandHum has a beautiful voice that really bring the fic and emotions to life.

Title: Turn Read by: Queenie_Mab Authour: Saras_Girl Length:~ 37h Rating: Mature Summary: One good turn always deserves another. Apparently. This story is a classic, and the reading of it fully lives up to the quality of the written fic; absolutely wonderfull! Another one I've listened to more times than I can count.

Bonus (podfics on my tbr):

10-15 hours Criminal read by Melcarrianna written by The_Sinking_Ship 10.5h Dwelling on Dreams written by The_Sinking_Ship read by reveriepi 13h Way Down We Go written by xiaq read by Cailynwrites 13h

15+ hours All I Want For Christmas (Is For You To Stop Talking) written by Femme (femmequixotic) & noeon (noe). Read by acari, almost_april, Ang3_N, CelilasPodfics (LLAP115), dagnydecided, EvAEleanor, Flamelikefire, jc647, lastontheboat, LauDH8, MaesterChill, Melcarrianna, millennialgrandma, PhenomenalAsterisk, Podfic by (Thunder_of_Dragons), read by (bluedreaming), Rhyebony, roseszain multivoices (roseszain), SassySaori, somberraven, sweaters_in_the_summer, TheseLittleWonders, wianwriting 16.5h Evitative written by Vichan read by SaySoul 25h The Man Who Forgot written by SlightWeasel read by sweaters_in_the_summer 22h

[uniquevoidflowers]

Merry Christmas!!

For the moots I promised fics, I’m getting to those as soon as I can!

In the meanwhile I’m gonna say this:

THANK YOU FOR SUCH AN AWESOME YEAR!!!

I’ve only been here since like May, but I’ve been shown so much kindness and patience from those around me! To all my followers: Thank you so much for being here! Even if I don’t know you, it also brings a smile to my face when I see you like or reblog something :)

@whyoneartheven, you are so kind! I love your art a lot, and seeing you on my dash always makes me feel good.

@r0achezz, You are so fun to talk to!!! Your art style is amazing and ahhh I love your writing a lot!

@isasan347, I cannot express how much I adore your art! It’s so pleasing to look at! Also, you have amazing ideas!!! I like reading your ideas every once in a while :)

@ladye-zelda, Gosh you are so kind, and it makes me smile when I see you on my dash. Thank you for being here!

@akchimp75, YOU ARE SO COOL! Ahhh your art is just as cool as you! (Meaning really really cool) I’m grinning so much when I see you on my dash!!

@almost-an-artist, Your art. Is. So. Freakin. Awesome!!!! And you are really friendly!!!

@/a-random-somebody, AHHH YOU ARE AMAZING! I love you so much/p

@finleyforevermore, you are so kind and funny/pos, and brilliant! Thank you for making me laugh this year!

@frostedshadow, you are literally so cool?! I think we haven’t talked a lot, but the times we have talked have made me smile.

@here4dragons, 🫂🫂🫂, I love seeing you on my dash you wonderful person. 🫂🫂🫂

@kiwi-der-vogel-alt, Your art makes my day, just the colours and shapes! Also you are really funny/pos

@kommandantpinks, I haven’t known you for awhile but I have seen your art many times and I love it so much! You seem really cool and kind as well!

@cal-the-duende, You are so so so so cool! I love talking to you!

@vio-starzz, love your art style so much, it’s so cozy. You’re amazing.

@baileyboo2016, Your art?! Literally so cool. And your writing! I enjoy reading your fics!! You are so talented and creative, also your enthusiasm makes me smile.

@not-freyja, your writing makes me cry and smile, I love it so so much. You are very cool :)

@majorproblems77, This year has been super fun with you in it. I love love love talking to you, and your writing literally blows me away. Thank you so much for everything!

@margindoodles2407, you are so amazing?! I would frame your art, and read your writing any day. You are also really kind!!!

@luna-lovegreat, I swear, I smile every single time you message me, I see you on my dash, I just see your url. You are so incredibly kind, and I revisit your rants a lot, because you are so smart. Thank you for everything <3

@1000emotions, I know we haven’t talked a lot this year, but you are so amazing! I love you/p

@arsonisticscholar, You are so cool! I love love love seeing you on my dash even if we don’t talk a lot. Happy Holidays :)

@graves-doodles, I don’t think we’ve been mutual for long?? But that doesn’t matter. Your art is just so beautiful, and it always makes me feel something/pos

@prince-of-red-lions, WINDY YOH ARE SO FREAKING AMAZING AND askjbfjddkjs. I love talking to you, and I freakin love your art. I’m so glad I met you this year.

Sorry if I missed anyone!

THANK YOU AGAIN TO EVERYONE!

I appreciate you all. I appreciate all the artists, writers, and others, you have made my year. You are all so cool! Hoping for a good year next year ;)

[random-mailbox]

Random-Mailbox's Favorite Sailor Moon Fics - Week 45 - Reviving Shitennou

This week’s post is about bringing Shitennou back into the fold of the team. I wish that had happened in the manga / anime and am a little disappointed we did not get that in Cosmos. BUT that is what fanfiction is for! (To help us collectively right the wrongs / misses in original materials).

We are exactly ONE week away from @usamamoweek2023! Are you excited? Because I am very excited and am trying to finish my own submissions for this year's prompts

@smquickies2023 prompts are out too - that event is taking place August 6-12 (and is open to any SM pairings).

As always, my apologies in advance for spoiling some of these for you (Fic Titles are linked to either FFN or AO3 entries).

Deal Breaker - ninashtia

Keeping his shitennou being alive and well as a secret from his princess is bound to backfire on Mamoru. But not in the way he had expected.

Reunion - bashfulglowfly

In this story we get to witness the aftermath of the Dark Kingdom arc, but in an AU where Usagi didn't fight alongside our senshi and Tuxedo Mask in Tokyo (she still participated but from halfway across the world).

Embrace the Chaos - @serpentinred

Ami is thrust into keeping secrets and weighing possibilities, when her supervisor introduces her to someone who looks suspiciously like Kunzite. I love the art that @smokingbomber did for this one!

all things that are dark - @fated-addiction

Although this is technically just the first chapter of a fic that will hopefully get finished one day, it could stand as a one-shot as well. It gives glimpses of post-Galaxia thoughts Usagi has as she readies for the future.

The Shitennou Return! A Trip to the Beach in Peril - @chuplayswithfire

Mamoru has been keeping a secret from Usagi, something that she takes in stride and decides that a beach-day together with the girls would be the best way to get everything out in the open and see how it could all work. This fic has art by @mochibuni!

all my friends are dead and they bloody haunt me - @smokingbomber

Usagi, noticing some strange behaviour from Mamoru, takes a peek at what he could be up to. And decides that she can help fix everything.

---

That's it for this week. Reminder - no post next week since it will be UsaMamo Week. We will return to regular posts on July 31st with "Tutoring"

Here are the links to the previous Tumblr posts in these series to explore more amazing works based on different themes - make sure to check them out if you haven't had a chance! (Click on title name to go to the post) - I will keep updating the list every week as new posts come up:

Week 1 - Groundhog Day

Week 2 - Established Relationships

Week 3 - Sex Positivity

Week 4 - Unfinished Stories

Week 5 - Darker Stories

Week 6 - Potions 🧪

Week 7 - Reveals

Week 8 - 👻Halloween🎃

Week 9 - Wrong Perceptions

Week 10 - Non-Senshi AU

Week 11 - In-Progress Fics

Week 12 - Mutual Pining

Week 13 - Enemies to Lovers

Week 14 - Slow Burn

Week 15 - Christmas Part 1 - Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Santa!

Week 16 - Christmas Part 2

Week 17 - New Years

Week 18 - High School AU

Week 19 - Slice of Life

Week 20 - Coffee shop AU

Week 21 - Huddle for Warmth

Week 22 - Friends to Lovers

Week 23 - ❤️Valentines Day❤️

Week 24 - Do a Grouch a Favour Day (or Cheer Up Fics)

Week 25 - Soulmate AU

Week 26 - Amnesia Fics (and resources)

Week 27 - 🍀St Patrick's Day🍀

Week 28 - Fix it Fics

Week 29 - Prompt: Mug

Week 30 - Flowers

Week 31 - Traditions

Week 32 - Dreams

Week 33 - Friends

Week 34 - Body-Swap

Week 35 - Medical Assistance

Week 36 - Sex Pollen

Week 37 - Psychometry

Week 38 - What If

Week 39 - Missing Scenes Part I

Week 40 - Green Jacket

Week 41 - Dr Chiba

Week 42 - Birthdays

Week 43 - Fluff

Week 44 - First Kiss

[ariicandy]

Hello hello~! I hope today is going well for you! I know i requested a fic from you already buttt i was wondering if i could get a teru minamoto relationship hcs? (maybe you can also include how the reader doesn't believe much abt supernatural stuff?) fem reader plspls! (●’◡’●)

╭⌗♡ Teru Minamoto Relationship Hcs!!∿⌇

Tryna change on plain basic titles I’m still working on your hanako request just need more motivation bc its kinda long but trying my best. Hopefully i did teru good for u, my mutual n others who like him ^^

✰— dating the most popular, most crushed on by almost everyone, guy at school. I sure hope your in for all the glares and stares, the jealous girls, but that aside, he’s super sweet with you!! He would send you those small faces that warms your hand like a kiss being blowed to you, or a loved-sick smiling face because he can’t stop looking at you?? You get it??

❥⸝⸝ he’s really sweet with you and wants to show you off not caring what others think of your guys’ relationship, they dont bother him because he got you, it bothers him that you take those awful things into your head. :((. He will reassure you whatever nonsense people make about both you and him or just you, that person will never be heard again bad talking about you guys ever again. Teru doesn’t play when someone he loves takes the criticism in a bad way affecting them, they’re a goner.

✰— If you don’t believe on the supernatural, he wont argue with that since his believes that the supernatural are never good only bringing harm to the world/others. So he doesnt mind you not entirely believing it, he probably thinks it’s the way you were raise not knowing from your parents keeping that knowledge away from you to not scare you as a kid.

❥⸝⸝ teru might talk about you with kou and tiara, kou has to listen to all his rambles what a great amazing lovable and adorable girlfriend you are. Tiara thinks from all the talks on how beautiful and gorgeous you are to make her older brother so deeply in love, like head over heels maybe, that he misses you every second you aren't with him or near him. Once kou had brought you over to introduce to his siblings, tiara was all over how pretty you were and ever might ask you to make her as pretty you are! Kou would be shock that its you! He has seen you but never a thought about who you were, he accepts you quick with tiara too for making their older brother so deeply in love for someone to care, enjoy and share memories with them! <3

[autistichalsin]

Hello!! :D

Just popping in to say ILYSM (in that strange, mutuals on the internet sorta way) and that you have lots of fans who love your Halsin-posting. Your post notifications always brighten my day. ❤️

Idk why in the world you’ve got people investing their finite existence on this good Earth giving you grief. Some of your stuff might not be everyone’s cup of tea (pleasing everyone is an impossibility, after all), but it doesn’t even come close to the kinds of things my favourite hardcore/“problematic” (<= self-described, including the quotations, lmao!) Halsin/bg3 writers and artists post. And I don’t see anyone clutching their pearls in their comment sections.

Like, when I click on the profile of one of my favourite writers (which includes you! 🥰 But not this example, I love all your stuff!) and see that they’ve posted a story with a description like: “hardcore kinky stuff that you’re not into, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat”, I simply keep scrolling and maybe pick one of the hundreds to thousands of other bg3 stories I could choose from. But maybe that’s just me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(Ao3 has tag filtering, you guys, it’s amazing. Remember the fucking Dark Ages when Ao3 didn’t have that at all? How tf did we ever live like that? That’s the kind of shit you say Thanks for at family Thanksgiving. And don’t tell you guys haven’t figured out at least one of the dozens of ways to filter stuff out on godsdamn Tumblr of all places; we’ve been tweaking the etiquette of that for years!)

How utterly irrational it is for these people to look at such an openly Queer and Kinky video game — the likes of which I’ve never seen in the mainstream before (He-llo strategically advantageous BDSM scene! 🤤) — and decide that they’re going to go around policing how people iterate upon those pre-established themes. How did this fandom attract puritans of all people? [Insert “The Myth of ‘Consensual’ Sex” meme here.]

Any-hoosies, all this to say that your haters are a weird, vocal minority that are letting you live rent free in their heads, instead of doing something meaningful or joyful with their pathetic, puritanical existences. There are way more people who love the kind of meta and fics that you post.

Have a good day!! XOXO 🥰😘💋💖💛🫶🤙

Hello! Thank you so much- that means a lot to me. It's weird to think of myself having "fans" lol! Like you're not the first person to use that word but it's just. Such a weird (in a good way) concept for me???? Like!?!?!? But I'm so glad to hear you love my posts <3

Yeah, pleasing everyone is impossible, and it's weird that of all things, my extremely mild CNC kink fic has become the antis' boogeyman. Fam there is literal necrophilia kink in this fandom! (Not saying they deserve to be harassed either, of course, no one should be!) But the fic that has become the pinnacle of what's problematic in this fandom is a survivor writing about a fictional survivor using kink to reclaim their sexuality? Like. OK Jan

See, but that's the difference, you're a grown adult who takes responsibility for curating your experience, whereas others.... either don't, or they don't read it but act like the fic EXISTING is a problem. I guess some people are in for a rude awakening when they discover who the Marquis de Sade is......

God, remember BEFORE AO3? Remember FFN when half the time, the PAIRING wasn't even properly tagged bc you could only tag two characters at all, so people would by default just tag the most popular characters to appear in the story? And instead of tags, you had genres, so you had to decide if you wanted romance/hurt/comfort or friendship/tragedy or what? (I'm a certified Fandom Old- on my old account I was in the first 10,000 users on AO3).

Yeah, people really are missing the point of this game- and it's no coincidence most of these folks are younger. (And a lot are exclus too; I've seen them get angry at the BG3 characters being canonically pan, saying that "pansexuality is a made-up Tumblr sexuality). So... totally blind to the interwoven history of queerness and kink. Not surprising.

Thank you so much for this kind message, anon, you cheered me up a lot. <3 I hope you have a great day!

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for a Fic...

Happy New Year, everyone! May it treat you kindly! ~Mod L

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1. hi, for the next itmf could you recommend some good 'police au' ? preferably wangxian oriented. I'm really into all that police, crime, csi etc. stuff :] thx in advance <3

🧡 CSI: Gusu Edition Series by Stratisphyre (M, 39k, WangXian, WWX & LQR, Modern with Magic AU, College AU, Golden Core Reveal, Single parent WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Hospitalization, Allusions to violence and murder)

a garden in your ribcage by puddingcatbeans (G, 13k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, soft witches au, Developing Relationship)

doing the wrong thing wholeheartedly by isabilightwood (E, 19k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern Cultivation, mentions of creatures from other cultures also existing, Enemies to Lovers, meet ugly, Case Fic, There Was Only One Bed, Fakeout Makeout, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Bathtub Sex, Hair-pulling, Edging, Fluff and Smut, Post-Coital Cuddling) these are modern with magic case fic where wangxian are investigators, not sure if this would work?

When a Bird Flies, It Leaves Feathers by Bem_Kofi (Not Rated, 75k, WangXian, Modern AU, Police, Police Officer LWJ, Medical Examiner WWX, Minor Character Death)

Keep Track of Losing Days by giraffeter (T, 74k, WangXian, Modern AU, Case Fic, Police, Missing Persons, Mystery, Getting Together, Flashbacks, Rooftop Conversations, Detective LWJ, antifa WWX, Endgame NieLan, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, First Kiss, First Meetings, Seattle, Mutual Pining, nonfatal car accident, mafia wens, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers)

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2. Hiiii! Happy late holidays hope you all r having a good one, im wondering if there are fics of Divergent by Veronica Roth (the book/movie) aus with wangxian, or threadfics, blogs, posts etc.

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3. Hi! Merry Christmas for those who celebrate! I wanted to say how thankful I feel for this site, and how you made me find stories I would not have read otherwise if it were not for you. I just read Misalignment, by Kasasagi, and I loved it! I want to recommend it and also ask if you know more of this kind of stories were WX is not the main pairing, but still has an amazing plot. Thank you!

Eyes Wide Shut by Netrixie (T, 65k, LXC/NMJ, wangxian, canon divergence, no sunshot, everyone lives au, enemies to friends to lovers, identity porn, mistaken identity, misunderstanding, slow burn)

Emergency Help Wanted by Piyo13 (T, 76k, wangxian, modern, fake/pretend relationship, lawyer JC, everyone lives au, fluff, slow burn, happy ending)

easier, with you by pinkfluffygiant (T, 34k, LJY/LSZ, summer camp au, disaster camp counselors, pining, friends to lovers)

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4. may i ask for fics where wwx helps with sunshot, but he either manages to hide his demonic cultivation, or (with help?) frame it positively so he doesn't end up feared or hated after they win? maybe he's even (god forbid) admired or something? thank you!

And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 138k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together)

if you can't beat them, recruit them by moeblobmegane (T, 216k, Time Travel Fix-It, Conspiracy, Spies & Secret Agents, Team as Family, Found Family, WIP)

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5. my lovelies, my fanfic deities. Praise be to you! I am down a rabbit hole again and in desperate need of your help. I have a serious craving for canon-complaint/post-canon (or divergent, but not completely left field AU) fics where WWX has a fear of heights. Specifically, as a result of his being thrown into the BM off a great height. Discussions of it, descriptions of it manifesting, working through it, etc; panic attacks get bonus points but aren't obligatory.

Red Flower With One Hundred Petals; Smoke Carried on the Blue Dusk Air by carolyncaves (T, 32k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Alcohol, Mental Health Issues, Angst, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, thoughts of death/dying, Caretaking, Marriage Proposal, Wedding Fluff, Family Feels, Literal Sleeping Together, Shotgun Wedding, angry wedding planner JC, Yunmeng sibling drama and fluff, physical affection, Terrible Parties, Happy Ending, for WangXian) perhaps this might work? WWX had to be taken on someone else's sword twice and panics both times

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6. Modern wangxian meet past wangxian

Write It on My Neck by diamondbruise (E, 23k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Transmigration, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Fake Marriage, Falling In Love, Jealousy, Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Spanking, usual wangxian cnc elements, Misunderstandings)

Crazy Little Thing Called Time by kippalittlefox (T, 11k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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7. Hello I have a request but I am kind of new here. I can figure out how comment a request. -- (this first part put into a finder post)

Also if you know if any fic where wei ying takes the 33 lashes instead of lan zhan. I'd appreciate it. I hope you are enjoying the holidays and that you have a week. @autumnchild26-blog

If I Could Go Back in Time by Runningbarefoot (M, 122k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Role Reversal, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, YLLZ WWX, Eventual Happy Ending, The Twin Jade Brotherhood, Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Slow Burn)

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8. pardon the double ask 😅 but could you also recommend some Lan Qiren redemption fics? im generally chill about him haha but it would be lovely to see him genuinely sorry about his treatment of his nephews (especially like, after seeing LWJ's steadfastness after having been whipped 33 mfing times, or even for his part in lwj's lonely childhood) and/or WWX, and extra lovely if he took steps to fix it and rebuild a better relationship! thank you!!

hi! i sent #8 and i thought maybe i should add that i love the 'good uncle lqr tag' and there's a significant overlap, but i'd love to see fics that don't start out with him being good, more (hypocritically) angry or patronizing toward lwj/wwx and then realizing his flaws or (bonus) working to redeem himself (i had time to read cabbages and it it's great, thanks for the rec!)

In Walls of Glass by Comfect (T, 23k, LXC & LQR & LWJ, LQR & WWX, CSSR & LQR, wangxian, LXC/JC, good uncle LQR, teacher LQR, canon divergence, everyone lives au, fix-it, butterfly effect, JC friendly, LQR pov, not WWX friendly, in LQR’s head mainly and at the start, family feels, demonic cultivation, cultivation theory, WIP)

Cabbages by dreaming of your qin (sherleigh) (G, 20k, LQR & WWX, LQR & LWJ, wangxian, post-canon)

they might want to check out the Good Uncle Lan Qiren tag

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9. may I have some fics where WWX became a Supreme Ghost? @sareen-momos-stuff

🧡 The Red Ribbon by Xiao_Hua (M, 21k, WangXian, HuaLian, Canon Divergence, Ghost City, a bit of beefleaf, Immortality, Cultivation Partners, Juniors, XL and HC find a child who happens to be WWX, Fluffy wangxian, WWX is a Supreme Ghost King, First Time)

Back From The Dead by Suibian_613 (T, 44k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, HuaLian, XuanXuan, XinQing, Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Supreme Ghost King WWX)

~*~

10. Hiiii. For the next itmf fic rec, can you please recommend some with virgin wwx and experienced lwj. Thank you.

Lan-Laoshi! by Bee_Li (M, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, age gap, Professor LWJ, College Student WWX, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Barebacking, Desk Sex, Pre-Relationship, College/University, Hair-pulling, CreamPie, LWJ is in his early thirties, WWX is like 21-22, Experienced LWJ, LWJ Fucks, inexperienced wwx, Virgin WWX, Kinda dark LWJ, Hand Jobs, First Time, Spit Kink, Spit As Lube)

all the trembling ways by typefortydeductions (E, 11k, WangXian, First Time, Overstimulation, Verbal Humiliation, Rimming, First Time Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Aftercare, sex tears, lwj FUCKS, Modern AU, Dom/sub Undertones, Porn with Feelings)

kiss me more (we got nothing to lose) by xeansiao (E, 5k, WangXian, Mutual Pining, Couch Sex, Friends to Lovers, Childhood Friends, College/University, Dirty Talk, Let LWJ Say Fuck, lwj FUCKS, Masturbation, Dom/sub Undertones, Pining while fucking, Nipple Play, Nipple Licking, Pining, POV LWJ, Size Kink, Size Difference, Under-negotiated Kink, Feminization, Degradation)

Wei Laoshi, Poonslayer by FeelsForBreakfast (E, 6k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, POV LWJ, straight boy wwx, Loss of Virginity, Getting Together)

i'm the one for your fire by occultings (microcomets) (E, 42k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mind Reading, Enemies to Lovers, it's only enemies to lovers in wwx's one braincell, Misunderstandings, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Whump, brief illness/injury, Pining, light bdsm in the first chap, Cherry Magic AU, Getting Together)

the earthquake in the room by phnelt (E, 39k, WangXian, College/University, Modern: No Powers, Canada, Getting Together, Mentions of lwj/others, inter-faculty romance, strangers to lovers to frenemies to lovers, mostly book characterisation)

The Keeper by phnelt (E, 3k, WangXian, PWP, A/B/O Dynamics, Sex Work, virgin wwx, Alpha WWX, Omega LWJ, Dom LWJ, sub wwx, Undernegotiated Kink, BDSM, Ruined Orgasms, a/b/o typical fluid kink, Dom/sub, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics)

thrice as cruel by iliacquer (E, 15k, WIP, WangXian, Switching, Masochist WWX, Sadist LWJ, BDSM, Kushiel's Legacy Fusion, Dubious Consent, Sex Work, Courtesan LWJ, Submissive WWX, Dominant LWJ, Exhibitionism, Public Sex, Consensual Non-Consent)

~*~

11. Hello! First of all, thank you for everyone’s hard work- I love you all!!💖

Second of all, I was wondering if you had any fic recs (or NEW fic recs) with a possessive/jealous/v protective Wei Ying. I love this trope but feel like I’ve read them all 😅 Thank you!

A storm without a warning by Spodumene (E, 22k, wangxian, LWJ/MXY, modern, compulsory heterosexuality, masturbation, eventual smut, pining, denial, drunkeness, jealousy, not actually unrequited love, angst w/ happy ending)

It’s Over Isn’t It by Theladyofravenclaw (T, 68k, WangXian, LWJ/OMC, Oblivious WWX, Jealous WWX, One-Sided Attraction, Canon Divergence, it says Lan Zhan and another character but it’s all one sided, we got a love triangle baby, Canonical Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort)

Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, agressively mixing and matching novel and cql canon, No Homophobia, Mentions of Starvation, Parental WWX)

hold up a mirror by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 36k, wangxian, modern, fake/pretend relationship, misundersandings, pining, eventual smut, happy ending, self-discovery, insecurity, dancing, loneliness, friends to lovers)

Orchids in Lotus Pier by Vamillepudding (G, 21k, wangxian, canon divergence, romantic comedy, pining, protective JC, friends to lovers, misunderstandings)

Your Song Called Me, Can’t Believe I am Late by Padma_Warrior (M, 25k, wangxian, WIP, protective wwx, yiling laozu wwx, angst w/ happy ending, not gusu lan friendly, hurt LWJ, bottom LWJ)

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12. For the next itmf, I would really like to read more fics that show canon (or near-canon) events from NHS’s POV. I’m looking for fics where he’s not part of a ship or aren’t specifically tagged ‘Nie Huaisang POV’ or ‘Nie Huaisang-specific’ as I can find those on my own. Thanks so much!

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13. Hello! Happy almost new year! I'm looking for fics where WWX gives his golden core to LWJ instead of JC, thank you!

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14. Hi! I'm looking for something where any member of the cast has chronic illness and either uses cultivation to manage it, or maybe in wwx's case, the loss of his golden core exacerbates, or causes? Bonus points for friends + family members finding out + trying to help (or not lmao). All the best, hope your festive season is going well! @crying--crow​

let the sun go down on your anger; let it burn you to sleep by enbysaurus_rex (Not rated, 78k, wangxian, WQ & WWX, graphic depictions of violence, chronic illness, narcolepsy, chronic pain, YLLZ WWX, oblivious WWX, sleeping beauty elements, body horror, WIP) has WWX suffering from narcolepsy, which the transfer does NOT help.

Instead by apathyinreverie (T, 21k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, like self-indulgently so, by way of dark(er) gusu lan, manipulative elders, but in a good way?, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, of sorts, not Jiang friendly, not really gusu lan friendly either, not particularly friendly towards anyone really, aside from wangxian of course, Cultivation World Critical, Sunshot Campaign, Fluff, Politics, Courting Rituals, possibly implied mpreg, Genius WWX, Talismans, No demonic cultivation, Possessive LWJ, Protective LWJ) might count

A Burning Cold by MountainRose (G, 29k, Chronic Illness, Pre-Canon, Nirvana in Fire Fusion, Character Study, Wen Bullshit, Suibian, Snow Beetle Poison) Nirvana in Fire fusion with WWX in the position of Mei Changsu

silt, or scurvy series by astronicht (M, 11k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, chronic illness, podfic by raitala)

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15. itmf cisswap wangxian where wwx has big breasts? I've read a lot if lesbian wangxian but i've barely seen ones where wwx has a bigger chest and im curious if there are any i missed.. (sorry this is a bit weird!)

~*~

16. Here's an odd request, but I'd love some fics where LXC is supportive but Deeply Confused about WTH is going on with Wangxian. I recently (re)read "I started from the bottom/and now I'm rich," and LXC's concern that WWX might plan to murder LWJ on their wedding night is hilarious to me. I also loved the fic (forgot the name, sadly) where LXC is extremely straight and thinks LWJ is only with WWX because he's never been with a woman and therefore doesn't realize what he's missing. (Oh, I remember this one, it was hilarious to read ~Mod L) Both these fics are light and play the misunderstanding for laughs. So that's what I want: fics where LXC means well and tries to make LWJ happy, and is hilariously off-base about it. Are there any more other than these two? @invisible-mirror​

The Flautist by oleanderedits (T, 1k, wangxian, double entendre, humor, comedy, canon divergence, LXC pov, sex worker au)

❤️ happy not knowing by plonk (not rated, 16k, wangixan,  canon era, clueless Xichen, established relationship, Mojo’s bookmark) the fic mentioned.

speeding up my heartbeat by plonk (Not Rated, 24k, WangXian, Bottom LWJ, Modern with Magic, Modern AU, Gyms) lxc is very supportive but helplessly straight and therefore clueless

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17. Hello! I’m in the mood for fics where the MDZS characters interact with modern characters. Thank you <3!

take me back to a time by DizziDreams (T, 143k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, college/university au, canon-divergence, time travel, sharing a bed, fish out of water, angst with a happy ending, man out of time, slow burn, character death, angst, reference to abuse, canonical character death, canonical abuse, canon-typical violence, mutual pining, chronic illness, not exactly a fix-it, podfic available, implied 3zun, college student wei wuxian, genius wei wuxian, found family, pov alternating)

Wrong Turn, Right Place by diamondbruise (E, 71k, WangXian, Time Travel, kind of, it’s more reality travel but there’s modern wwx and cultivator lwj, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Cultural Differences)

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what  you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack,  whatever - it’s all good!***