#and all of this negativity is just exhausting

[nyxtickled]

tw: DARVO, unsafe kink community member, compulsive lying, details abt a situation i have been asked about.

i've had a lot of people asking about my previous play partner @/socaltickle5. i have been struggling with how to proceed about what happened, but after speaking with 4 play partners/potential play partners (who are also now no longer in any dynamic with him), we have all realized together how unsafe this individual is. as a result, i've decided the fear of creating conflict is outweighed by the responsibility i feel towards the safety of other women in the kink community that i am directly involved with.

safety concerns

gaslighting (telling me i misremembered things, misheard him, or that he downright never said things that he said to me)

telling harmful lies to me about his other play partners and to his other play partners about me (ie. told me @tklmeadi was envious of our dynamic while also telling her i was envious of theirs. told me @itsticklishme23 was returning to the community and repeatedly asking to session with him due to being "jealous of our content," while in reality she was resisting his persistent requests to session with him and make content with him and never spoke negatively about my content to him one time - screenshots were exchanged to verify this as truth)

neglecting my emotional needs that he agreed to meet in the D/s dynamic that i consented to with him (aftercare, communication, consistency, honesty)

convinced me to dismiss multiple warnings i received from his play partners who attempted to warn me about him, telling me that they were only approaching me due to being jealous and vindictive

responding to open communication of my needs with defensiveness, deflection, scorekeeping and guilt-tripping

creating detailed and convoluted stories of things that never happened in order to make himself seem more desirable

push/pull breadcrumbing (pushing away until i would ask to reduce our dynamic expectations due to feeling disconnected, then pulling back with attention and enthusiasm again so i wouldn't end things, then disappearing again, repeat)

socal did everything right in the beginning. he was attentive, affectionate, validating, and enthusiastic about safety and consent. he told me that he wanted me to be his primary lee. he said he wanted to play consistently and he is the one who encouraged me to create this blog and start posting our content. then, everything changed.

he became distant, he stopped debriefing with me after sessions, he stopped engaging in banter, he no longer expressed interest in sessioning with me without me asking him for it or initiating. whenever i tried to approach him about it, he would list off all the ways i had the wrong idea until i believed that i was perceiving things incorrectly.

the first conflict that raised serious red flags was the night that i found out my dog had cancer. one of socal's play partners whom he had recently connected with at a gathering reached out to me in an attempt to warn me that he had shared personal things with her that i had expressed to him in confidence. the alarming part is that the things he told her were never actually said by me.

after finding all of this out, i was exhausted and confused but i needed time to think. i texted socal to explain why i needed some space but expressed that i did not have the emotional capacity to discuss it in detail with him yet because i just found out that my dog had stage 4 lymphoma and i was in the ER vet with her, my partner and my ex at the time.

the above messages are just a tiny glimpse into what turned into 24 hours of harassment, defensiveness, gaslighting, invalidating and cornering me while i was trying to process horrible news about my dog. i was a wreck, but was receiving calls from him and walls of texts all evening and all night. i continuously tried to disengage, but the more i tried, the more hostile he became. he convinced me that she was manipulative, psychotic, vengeful and cruel. he would not stop pressing these accusations, so i tried to divert the conversation into a solution instead.

i was already feeling neglected in our dynamic due to a few of the prior safety concerns mentioned above; he began our connection with intense enthusiasm, attention, effort, and interest. then, once we played, he became distant, detached, and only seemed to pour his energy into new connections (which would have been perfectly ethical had he just been honest about wanting a one or two time thing, rather than stringing me into being a primary and consistent play partner). so, i told him if this individual was really such a crazy master manipulator, maybe it worked on me because i was already noticing such an energy shift and her words confirmed my suspicions.

so, as you can probably tell, throwing it in my face that he agreed to fly me to AUNT with him (which i only asked for because he was parading around tumblr advertising me as his duo ler, tagging me in posts for gang tickles with women i'd never even met before, potentially causing discomfort for them) was my final straw and i became extremely angry. i was done trying to gentle parent a 38 year old "Dom" while simultaneously crying over my sick dog.

i understand this is a lot of information, but i must stress that context is everything in a situation like this. because the truth of the matter is: socal was never unsafe physically. he always respected boundaries during sessions. he never pushed for more than i was comfortable with. on PAPER, he presented himself as the perfect ler.

and that is why it is so important to show what goes on behind the scenes. because emotional responsibility is just as important. i was consistently left feeling crazy, and being convinced that any other play partner who had issues with him was the crazy one. my needs were clearly neglected, and when i repeatedly tried to advocate for myself so that we could have a healthy and fulfilling dynamic, i was hit with scorekeeping, guilt-tripping, defensiveness, and just complete and total dishonesty. socal gave me all of the emotional care that i would need in order to session with me and build a connection with me, but i was left feeling like nothing more than a reputation enhancer. it was at this point that i began to fully detach.

now, this all went down in december. i will admit that after this horrible night continued (and got much worse might i add, but tumblr won't let me put that many screenshots and frankly they're probably too triggering anyway) he continued pushing until i finally called him the next day. he managed to convince me that this play partner was the problem, and i was so exhausted that i gave up. i agreed to move forward and expected whatever apologies he offered. he showered me with attention and care for the next 1-2 weeks.

then, the pathological lies started to unravel. this is what eventually led to me telling him (while literally on the plane to AUNT) that he will never have access to me ever again.

due to this post being way longer than i intended already, i will keep things brief with bullet points.

i started chatting more with @tklmeadi and learned that she was experiencing the same breadcrumbing where he initially put an excessive amount of energy into their connection and then completely fizzled out with no communication to her on the matter.

i admitted to her that i hadn’t tried to connect with her sooner because socal had told me that she wanted their dynamic to be more like mine and his, and that she was jealous/got in her head about my connection with him, but he didn’t want that dynamic with her. she was shocked and shared that she never suggested that to him, and never expressed jealousy.

she was upset about hearing this, so she asked my consent to approach him about it, which i gave. she texted him and said she wanted to talk about some uncomfortable/unsettling things she’d heard that he said about her. he immediately called her, and began texting me while on the phone with her telling me things like “i never said i didn’t want xyz with her, why would i even say that? you must have misheard me!”

i responded to him refusing to allow myself to be gaslit again, stating “no i did not mishear you, i remember exactly what you told me the last time we saw each other. i don’t know why you said it, it didn’t make sense to me at the time, but you said xyz.” i then sent adi a screenshot of my response.

she responded telling me: “he read that text but left out the last sentence.” he was literally on the phone with her, only reading half of my responses, leaving out the parts that he didn’t want her to hear. this was the moment i texted him again and said i no longer want us to continue playing and that i would not be playing with him at AUNT.

he sent more walls of texts but i ignored them. he continued talking in circles to adi on the phone for about an hour, expressing to her how important she was and how i am just saying these things “because i am upset with him.” he also told her “uh oh, Nyx is mad at me again cuz she’s not getting enough attention!” which really really infuriated me to find out.

i continued chatting with adi for the next few days, sharing stories, realizing how much of the same emotional neglect and up/down effort we both experienced. this is when another lovely friend @itsticklishme23 (aka T) happened to ask her how things were going after the play party in LA. adi, T and socal had all been there.

adi admitted that she wasn’t sure what socal was doing because she wasn’t feeling great about him at the moment. T expressed immediate concern/hesitancy because this was apparently not the first sketchy thing she had heard involving socal lately. keeping in mind T and socal have been friends/play partners in the community for 10 years, adi began to share some of the recent things she’d spoken to me about.

next thing you know, we’re all in a group chat with our jaws on the floor. i showed T a screenshot of socal telling me that T “came back to the tickle community because she was jealous of our content!! she’s sent me like 4 dates trying to session this week😑” — and, in shock, T sent me screenshots of her conversation with him from that very same day (and the entire week!) showing where she had never mentioned a session with him at all, and never mentioned my content at all.

i showed T a screenshot where socal asked me “not to say we played last night” when i was about to post a session clip, because he “played hooky from a hangout with T.” he had a whole story about how T “invited him to attend an event with her” that evening. she was again shocked, and sent screenshots of their entire conversation +2 days before and after — there was never any event. she never invited him anywhere.

there were more negative things and lies said that i won’t get into. but at this point, T had the same reaction as adi. shocked, hurt, confused, and she wanted to address these issues with socal directly. so, she also texted him asking him why he would say these things about her after she trusted him as a community friend for 10 years.

he immediately responded in the exact same way that he responded to me in the screenshots above, and to adi. “NONE of it is true. You KNOW me. I would NEVER say anything negative about you. I know who you talked to. It’s Nyx. She’s on her revenge tour right now.” claiming he had “endless screenshots” of me being “jealous and malicious over his other play partners.” not realizing we had all 3 already shared every screenshot we had of our conversations.

he also then texted me extremely aggressively, saying what i was doing was “wrong and i know it.” i told him he was genuinely terrifying and that he would NEVER have access to me ever again. this was literally while i was on the plane to AUNT. i put all my energy into staying as far from him as possible and having the best time that i could possibly have.

believe it or not, this is all merely the tip of the iceberg, but i don’t want to go on and on for too long. i did my best to include as much detail as possible about the points that matter the most in terms of harmful and dangerous behaviors. since these unsafe practices are not so cut-and-dry as violating a physical boundary, it requires a lot of context, detail and explanation. i was honestly afraid of doing this, but i don’t care about the backlash if it helps spare any other women from getting caught up with someone who is legit causing harm and attempting to instill insecurity between play partners.

in summary (tldr)

socaltickle5 was revealed to be an emotionally unsafe play partner and friend, a compulsive liar, and a neglectful Dom/ler. i have now either heard of, or spoken directly to, more than 7 play partners who have had harmful experiences with him. he has been directly caught in detailed and convoluted lies that seem to serve no purpose other than to turn his play partners against each other or to control the narrative at all times.

i was very saddened to find all of this out. i trusted him deeply and we shared a great connection (at least, i thought we did but i was misled). the only reason i am sharing all of this now is because i feel i owe it to those who follow me, after all of the praise and positive vetting i did for him on my blog. i do not want ANYONE to experience harm as a result of his dishonesty, manipulation, or emotional neglect due to believing that he was a responsible Dom/ler based on my posts and content that spoke so highly of him before any of this came to light. i have removed all of our content that i posted on my page. i want nothing more than to offer full transparency to everyone who follows me and trusts my judgment of character, especially if there is misinformation that could lead to them pursuing a connection with a harmful ler. i cannot delete posts that have been reblogged, so i will at least try to explain.

thank you for taking the time to read.

[cocomanga]

The way people come on posts like this, just to spread negativity is wild to me. I'm into letting positive energy remain positive without tainting it with my mess. (the irony of addressing said negativity... *sigh* exhausting🙄)

This episode was beautifully executed, the hard work that went into it is more than apparent, and the story is phenomenal. Jin-woo is an honorable character, caring, selfless, and hardworking, and with all the nasty in the world right now, this episode, heck the whole story, is a warm welcome that many of us sincerely appreciate.

Its about to get even more serious from here...

you've kept your promise, didn't you? you look so grown-up now. but you're hurt. you must've been pushing yourself. you've been through a lot, haven't you? thank you, jinwoo.

SOLO LEVELING S2 (2025) episode 09 ✴ it was all worth it

[delulustateofmind]

hi hi hi it's me again!!

thank you so much for another unbelievably delicious portion of cult leader geto!! read it and had a question!!

wouldn't suguru be worried that if sex comes only as punishing method at first, his little lamb would assosiate it with something negative? how would he try to change such connections in her head? cause at first no matter how gentle/loving/slow he would try to be it would still be forced for her:(

i guess that in his mind it is like forcing kid to eat porridge, yk... (lmao). of course she doesn't want it, but she is just too silly to understand that she needs it. luckily for her, he knows! oh his god complex is shining as bright as the sun (if not brighter)

and if he still uses sex as punishment sometimes, does he just doing it roughly or does he adding more and more kinky/humiliating stuff? as i see it, it feels like those punishements could be meant to show her how bad things could possibly be and how much she should be grateful when he is being all gentle and loving.

oh i cant stop yapping when it comes to you lovely thank you so much for replying and listening to all of these tell me if it gets too much ahahah!! + if gojo owns a shrimp, nanami would own a hedgehog. grumpy, old hedgehog for whom kenny build the whole little house instead of regular cage. sorry. it doesn't leave my mind. btw hedgehog would love only nanamin (and hopefully his darling.)

❄️

Hi Pookie! It's always a pleasure to see you in my inbox! Thank you for indulging in my brain worms, though I fear the man writes himself at this point. Omg okay, I love this question because it taps right into his god complex and the way he rationalizes his actions. You’re so spot on - he sees it as something akin to training rather than punishment (in the last little blorbo I do think he just gave into lust at that point because what's hotter than your darling running away). In his mind, his little lamb is too naive to understand what’s good for her, so it’s his divine duty to guide her.

But the thing about Geto Suguru’s love is that it’s not just about control - it’s devotion. Obsession. Worship. Whatever you want to call it. You are his most precious thing, the heart of his world, the one pure soul in the middle of all the corruption and filth he has to deal with. He doesn’t just want you to belong to him - he wants you to love him, to need him just as much as he needs you. You are his soft spot, his greatest weakness, and that’s why he has to break you. Not because he hates you, not because he enjoys hurting you (he tells himself that, at least), but because he’s scared. Scared that if you're not shaped properly, you’ll slip through his fingers. That you’ll run. That you’ll force him to do some unsavory methods to keep you within his walls.

Because he’d rather destroy you than let you go.

The transition is slow because he wants you to believe that submission is natural- your true purpose. That you're the one standing in the way of your own peace. When you obey, he gives you the illusion of choice, affection, and “love.” He’s gentle and indulgent, praises you endlessly, and makes you feel like the most cherished being in his world (you are). You're his favorite, his special little lamb, as long as you behave. When you happen to resist? That’s when he corrects you. It’s never framed as cruelty - no, no, no. It’s your fault for making things harder on yourself.

Over time, he changes your outlook on reality. Rewriting what’s "normal." He makes you doubt your own instincts and forces you to question if you're actually suffering. Likes to remind you that there are people in the world who are starving, who don't get luxurious dinners hand-fed to them in the warmth of a person's lap. That they don't get to wear the finest of silks. Get to sleep under bundles of warm blankets. Honestly, Suguru thinks you're a little ungrateful.

However. when you finally reach your lowest point, when the exhaustion, fear, and helplessness finally sets in, that’s when he becomes soft. Loving. Almost unbearably tender. He holds you. He comforts you.

"See? This is what I wanted for you all along. Isn’t this better?"

With enough of these cycles, you start believing him, because who could love you more than he could?

When he uses sex for punishment...okay, so here’s the thing - I actually don’t think Geto has that high of a sex drive in general (he’s got two little girls in the house, come on, can’t be getting freaky). It’s also not about lust for him; it’s about control, about shaping his little lamb into what you’re supposed to be. He’s not doing this just to satisfy some primal urge; he’s doing it because he needs you to understand.

…Okay, and because he yearns for you. Desperately. He’d much rather have you come onto him - to feel you crave him, reach for him, surrender willingly. That’s what he truly wants. He doesn’t enjoy using sex as a punishment; it’s just a lesson, a reminder of how things could be if you just let yourself love him the way he loves you.

There are some levels of punishment (mentions of cervix fucking, dubcon/noncon, , shibari, toys, misuse of cursed orbs):

At first, it's just rougher, reminding you that this is what happens when you disobey. That he'll mark your skin with love bites, that his thrusts will be harsh and push against your cervix. Then, he adds elements of humiliation - pushing you into uncomfortable situations where you're completely powerless as he ties you with shibari ropes and allows himself free use of your body. Where you can't exactly ignore your body betraying you as he presses the vibrating wand to your clit on the highest setting just to remove it right when you're about to climax. Disobedient little lambs don't get to cum. He will do weeks of only anal, indulging himself into opening your tight hole for him, pressing his cursed orbs against the lubed rim (especially if you've been complaining about the plug) So he starts forcing comparisons: "Do you like this better? No? Then maybe you should think twice before defying me next time." As he pushes the orb deep inside, don't forget you will have to push it back out. Just to have your cries muffled with the pure white lacey panties he always makes you wear.

However, Suguru cherishes the sweeter moments with you. Like when you’re straddled on top of him, your wrists bound behind your back, not because he doesn’t trust you, but because you still have that adorable habit of trying to choke him. (He doesn’t mind too much. It’s cute, in its own way) Taking his time with you then, his big, calloused, warm hands firm on your waist as he moves slowly, too slow and teasing, just enough to drive you mad (seriously, he does this for hours). Drinking in the little whimpers, the frustrated huffs, the way your body starts trembling with lust as slick coats your thighs.

"If you want to cum, my love, you’ll have to work for it," he muses with that smug grin, "Move those pretty hips for me."

What he loves most is when you finally start to crave him. When the resistance fades, when the hunger in your eyes mirrors his own. When you lean in for his kisses, desperate, needing them as much as he needs you - and by then? He’s already untying the binds, letting his hands roam free, pulling you close to his chest as he drives his cock straight to the hilt.

"That’s it," he breathes against your lips, devotion laced in every syllable. "See how much better this is when you don’t fight me?"

RAHHHHH sorry for rambling so much… I just loved this question. I fear Suguru is just a little bit of a loser for his darling, but he has to bury it beneath all that manipulation and his desperate need for control. 😭 MWAH! Love you tons! 💕

[fushiguruuzzzz]

wc 885. grief. death.

grieving you was the most difficult thing tetsuro kuroo had ever done.

there were days where he found himself turning to his left when he thought of something funny, only to be met with aching silence and the whisper of a presence that is no longer to be. as he walked in the streets, his fingers twitched with the urge to reach out, but his conscious stopped the muscle memory from acting on itself under the recognition that your presence was nowhere to be seen. the warmth radiated from your being no longer enveloped him, no longer smothered him in the affection that came with basking in the light that was you. there was a dooming emptiness that followed him everywhere, nothingness that never had the capacity to speak up yet still embedding itself into his heart and expanding within until it was a hollow shell of something that once beat for you.

his skin shed the familiarity of your touch, the way soft hands had once cradled his face and smoothed over the ridges etched into him by years of being strong. he no longer felt strong. the composure had been torn from him the moment your eyes fell shut for good, as if you had desperately grasped to him yet only brought with you his ability to remain who he had thought he was to the other realm. the dips of your palms, those that had felt personally carved to slot against his bone structure, were a mess of lines and plush flesh that seeped so deep into his skin he could no longer recount it off the top of his head.

he remembered you. he promised himself he could do that, and he was always confident in his ability to memorize things. after all, you had been his most cherished subject. but there were days where it simply was not enough; the unfulfilled love he no longer had a place to deposit consuming him from the inside out. and although the steady rhythm of your heart was engraved into the song of his soul, it no longer beat, and that was agonizing. what had once been a melody of bliss and youth had turned to the blues, a soft tune telling the story of tears shed over a life meant to live, but left abandoned.

kuroo was always the shoulder to lean on, the rock in the midst of raging tides. but now he found himself collapsed on the floor of a bedroom you had shared long ago, chest constricting with a phantom pain and breaths rapid as if the oxygen was not enough to keep him going. his shoulders shook as the sobs racked through him, each one crawling up his throat more painful than the last. what was he supposed to do when his rock was the one that had been ripped out from under him — was the reason his soul had been corrupt at all? for once, he felt lost. the memory of your voice had begun to fade no matter how many times he replayed old videos, and he could no longer find it in himself to imagine you guiding him through it. every word twisted with the shudder of death, and each time he pictured your face there was a swirling darkness in the horizon that reached out to you and snatched you away all over again. a blade of grief had been punctured into the tender bits of his soul — or was it just that he could not bring himself to deny the very thing that had once held you, too? the cool metal had once relished in the sweet embrace of your warm blood and, no matter how far into the afterlife his dreams brought him, that was closer to you than he had ever been.

every bit of his being ached, bones worn and chipped. he still wore his signature grin every day — maybe to put up a front and maybe because he knew the way it brought your mood up seeing him happy — but he was growing increasingly exhausted with pretending his future had not shattered and cut his hands as he sought out the shards. that grin was pulled into a straight line now, lips parting with a cry far too often. no matter how hard he bit down on his cheek, they just could not stop. he felt empty and sorrowful, a cocktail of dizzying negativity, as though his soul was so distraught without you he did not even know how to grieve. this was not the way he wanted to figure out soulmates were real. if he was so intertwined with you, why was it that he was left here, wrapped up in someone that ceased to exist?

why was it that he was here and you no longer had the privilege? what made him worthy of life more than you were, and yet doomed to eternal suffering? why was he the one left tracing your face in tear stained polaroids as if somehow, memorizing you a little further could bring you back to you?

seeking did not always lead to gentle findings. no matter how much tetsuro sought out the euphoria of having you breathing, he would only ever be met with dusty recounting of the millisecond it stopped.

🏷️.- @sh0ot1ngst4r @azinniyaa @kashee-h @fiannee @bubybubsters @lizbix @mayyhaps @adoresia @gumims @cinnamxnangel @sickpatientt @aldebrana @cancelledkat @wizzzierr @jadeyaps

[fwol-jintu]

Shen yuan as a ghost except its a sword grave and he's like the only sword intact there

So imagine this

Binghe goes on an adventure blah blah blah and he stumbles upon a huge ass graveyard except its literally all just swords that have been planted there in honor of the warriors who fell in a battle, each sword having a carving of some sort somewhere to signify who owned them

As binghe walked around and approached one of them however, he finds this sword is.. nameless, ownerless, or so it seems. No carvings, no designation, and yet its the only one intact.

Its not chipped, no scratch or break or weakness point that signified that it had been broken once, nothing. Well except for maybe a little bit of rust and dirt, but still.

He wonders if he should pull it out of the ground to inspect it more. He tries, ignoring the ever persistent screams of his own sword. It seems more agitated than usual.

Ah.. huh? For some reason, he can't pull it out. Slightly frustrated, he takes out xin mo to cut it down- and then hesitated. He's not that bad, no. He ultimately decides against cutting the sword. So be it, remain ownerless.

He inspected the other swords, did try to take them out a few times, but none slipped out. He gave up at trying and just looked around. For some reason, he came back around to the intact sword.

He looked around, and then spotted a particular sword grave. It had a flower, or rather a.. wilted flower. Seems like someone came to visit, and judging by the flower type its probably been 6 days.

He stares at the grave, at the sword. His vision allowed him to read the carved name despite the characters being small. ...Yuguo? Foolish fruit? What kind of name- he doesn't question it. Maybe thats why the owner died. They were "foolish."

He leaves the graveyard. He swears he was leaving, but for some reason he came back... with a new flower. The new flower will die anyway, what was he doing? This is stupid.

...still, he replaces the wilted with a fresh one. He doesn't know how long that one will last. Its a foolish payment, who was he even paying respects to? For all he knew, it could've been-

.... the dark clouds of his mind pester. He shouldn't be like this, he's in a graveyard goddamnit. What if the sword spirits feed on his negativity and manifest? Hah! Who will have the last laugh then, he wonders....

Uh, what the- "aww what a sweet man. Showing respect to the unreturning, are you?" A spirit in the form of a graceful woman conjured almost by wind appears before him, a wide smile and the look of amusement.

????

More start to manifest, little by little, and they all look at him, quipping comments and observations.

"Ho? And here i thought only your descendant is alive. Now who's this handsome lad visiting us unreturnees?" A spirit in the form of an old man said.

"Ooo! Is he not perhaps the new lord that your clumsy lower sheep speaks of?~" this time, the spirit that spoke was in the form of a devilish child, grinning an uncanny smile.

"Does anyone know this uhh.. dog?" "Stop referring to people as animals you one-tap imbecile!" "Hey! Why do you say that to me but not Sahuang?!" "Thats because ---------!!"

Two spirits argue out of nowhere. He did not appreciate being called a dog.

before he can tell them off and show them the title of emperor of the 3 realms, they suddenly vanish.

Like a faint memory, It was all quiet again.

Quiet?

He focused, suddenly. Quiet? Too quiet. Xin mo's voice wasn't bothering him. Before, xin mo was absolutely screaming at him to get out, now suddenly its all quiet.

He becomes slightly dazed though instead of becoming sharper and more wary of his surroudings. The lack of distraction made him suddenly realize he may or may not lacked sleep. He didn't really need sleep, but the emotional exhaustion from all these days was getting to him.

....

Thud.

"Seriously? He fell asleep?"

"Perhaps we were too fightening for the poor lamb, nyehehehe~"

"Ah, youngsters these days..."

..........

He wakes up when he feels a leaf fall onto him. Hm? A leaf? He cracked open his eyes and was immediately assaulted by light. He jolts awake. What...

....

Oh. He.. he fell asleep in a graveyard.

What the fu-

Anyways its getting too long so imma just say that he interacts with the spirits and shen yuan for a while, and then gets a child (courtesy of the Yuguo woman and everyone apparently deciding they were the child's great uncles and aunts) whom he decides to take in (cuz his new family of spirits practically begged him to take care of their only relative)

Oh also prior to his baby inquirement the spirits and him have eventually buddied up (it took weeks but they were friendly enough, even the devilish spirit Sahuang who also happened to be a softie at heart apparently)

and he talked abt his problems w them and all such, mostly shen yuan cuz he was the one usually awake since his intact sword meant his spirit could stay visible for longer

("why does the story seem familiar...?" it took an emberrassing amount of time for shen yuan to realize that was binghe. By the time he did realize, it was maybe sorta too late?)

oh also he opted to sleep at the graveyard sometimes. Most times. Because. No nightmares. Good sleep. No voices in his head telling him to kill someone immediately as he wakes up. Just peace.

(And if the wives notice his absence? Pfft, no. If they question his new kid? "I took her in. Shes adopted." and if he stays at the graveyard for a little while longer each day because they care more about him than anyone ever have? No questions asked.)

And he also got permission to move their swords. Yippai. (He proceeded to clean every one of them and put them in a big special room and if anyone asks why the big meeting room only has swords seated on the chairs and why binghe spends so much time in it, no one answers)

(He kept their brokenness though despite his own protests. They all said its now apart of them and they "cannot return" so its merely fond memories now.)

Did i mention all the swords (or sword spirits) are actually transmigrators and shen yuan isnt alone in this :3

_______________

Some noble: but my lord, can't we just use that room? (Points to the room they passed by that clearly has just enough space for the rest of the other demons)

Said room is the spirit room

Binghe gets angry at the mere suggestion

"Incident" happened

No one talks abt it ever again

____________

Nyy brushing the kid's hair while watching binghe kneel on the ground infront of shen yuan bc he used his powers to choke sahuang out of frustration and sahuang was Not Happy abt it so she snitched to shen yuan (shen yuan vanished after 2.1 seconds of binghe kneeling bc how dare he scold THE protaganist. Yuguo had to take over and make both Sahuang and Binghe apologize to each other lol)

[lightsiided]

     she exhales a shuddering breath as he settles behind her. rey's movements falter for just a moment, but then she resumes braiding her hair, twisting it off her face into a style comfortable for sleep. not that she thinks she will get much REST tonight -- there are too many things on her mind. despite how exhausted she is, she can't help but to think about it all, now: the fight, jane, val, gorr's daughter... their future together. the thoughts cycle rapidly through her mind.

yet the reminder brings a brief flash of warmth with it. their future TOGETHER. they will be married -- it is a single bright spot in so much tragedy. rey pauses, staring into thor's eyes through his reflection in the mirror. her hands hover over her hair.

"i know. i felt it." thor had been so frightened. it was impossible not to sense it. rey could feel his terror as if it were her own, even though she wasn't scared -- not really. it's painful enough just knowing he was struggling. the tear in her heart that comes with any of thor's negative emotions is no less AWFUL for how familiar it is.

she knows it must have been difficult for him, to watch his loved ones be TORTURED. to be asked, by the universe, to endure. again.

just the thought of it makes her eyes well. what an impossible situation to be in -- and here she is falling to PIECES over the thought of losing him when they are still together.

many times in their relationship, rey has been reminded she can't protect thor from the things that wish to hurt him... but the realization always stings regardless. being in a position that forces him to relive one of the worst days of his life pains her anew.

for a moment, she hardly knows what to say. slowly, she resumes braiding her hair, and once she finishes, she turns around in the small space between thor and the vanity. rey leans back against the wood, reaching out to pull him into her arms. she hugs him as CLOSE as she can, squeezing tightly. surely he already knows she hadn't wanted to pry for details, so she doesn't say as much. he must know she had sensed the memory was PAINFUL and wanted to give him the space to deal with it in his own time.

now is that time, she supposes. gently, rey rubs the back of his head, then cups thor's cheek. "you can talk about it with me," she says softly, encouragingly. "i'm here. i'm not going anywhere." not EVER, if she has things her way. especially not now.

rey holds his gaze steadily. "i know it was a tragedy. from what you've shared... i can't imagine how it must have felt. and everyone demanded you keep going without taking the time for yourself. and you've been GOING ever since." there hasn't been time for a rest, for grief -- for anything. they have moved from one battle to another since the day they met.

anyone would crumble under the pressure, but thor hasn't. that pulls at her heart all the same. "i think talking about it... and giving it the weight it deserves... would be good for you. and for me. i always want to know about ANYTHING that troubles you."

he aches to see her so hurt, so frightened, so panicked.  it’s all over his face and in his eyes as he watches her; there would be no hiding the display of empathy even if he wanted to.  it’s in the pinch of his brows, his frown, the sadness in his eyes.  swiftly, thor’s hand moves from rey’s back to her face.  still light as a feather, his fingers glide along her jaw, his thumb swiping at the trail of tears before her own hand rises to wipe the moisture away.

“it’s alright,” he whispers, so quietly he’s hardly audible.  “i’m right here.”

he accepts her into his space, pressing his forehead to hers as she leans into him.  too clearly he remembers when it had been him in rey’s position; the medcenter on ajan kloss, following her fight on exegol.  nothing she said could chase away his panic — he imagines the same is true here.  only letting the seconds tick by and letting himself come to accept her continued presence at his side made it better.

“you haven’t lost me.  you aren’t going to lose me.”  cradling the back of her head, fingers grazing against her neck, he steadily meets her eyes in search of any acceptance.  it’s unlikely he’ll find it so soon, but — isn’t it up to him to try?  isn’t it his job to chase her fears away, even if the effort is fruitless?

there’s a pain in his chest, quietly sitting and watching her, holding her.  he doesn’t know whether it’s hers or his own — it hurts all the same.  he never wanted her to know what this feels like.  when she pulls away from him, he bites back a sigh, merely nodding at her.  he catches her hands just before she releases him, caressing along her arms and wrists until finally they part.

he stays where he is for the duration of her shower.  when she steps out, he rises to trade his towel for a pair of sweatpants.  as he retreats into the now empty bathroom to drop the used towel in the laundry bin, he glances over at her.  all is quiet in the house around them, but all is not yet peaceful.

slow steps bring him to a stop just behind rey, where he places his hands on her hips while she works on her hair.  there is the desire to take up the act for her —— but he knows she likes to keep her hands busy, especially when she’s anxious.  they feel long, the few moments that pass with neither of them saying anything.  but looking at their reflection, looking at her, it’s clear in his face that there is something thor wants to say.

he doesn’t quite know how to start.  and he doesn’t want to further upset her… but there is still much to be said about this day.

“i almost lost you today, too.”  speaking lowly, his thumbs stroke at her sides.  he doesn’t meet her eyes now.  “not… before eternity.  in the shadow realm, after jane had discovered that — gorr needed stormbreaker.”  all the darkness surrounding them, gorr’s taunts, the thick, black tendrils that even thor couldn’t free himself of.  it’s wholly unpleasant to recall.  “the terror was so… prevalent.”

“it had reminded me of the day loki died.”  the resemblance was too similar.  strikingly so —— thor isn’t likely to forget any time soon.  “i never told you exactly what happened on that ship.”  why not now?  he would like to patch up the newly opened wounds together; it seems as good a time as any for complete honesty.

[igorluvr]

‘T.O.P SECRET

PAIRING: choi seung hyun (T.O.P) x black!reader

SYNOPSIS: hiding a relationship with a popular k-pop idol was hard enough, with paparazzi constantly following and fans obsessed with him. would you be able to deal with it, or crack under pressure?

CONTENT: aggravating fans, negative self talk, fluff so sweet you’ll get a cavity, "mamas" (im sorry guys i love it)

AUTHORS NOTE: the instagram portion is heavily inspired by @rosones‘s “being an actress dating choi seunghyun” fics, pleaseeee go check them out !!!

word count: [1.2k]

EVERYTHING was starting to get to you. Having to be hidden by the man you wanted to marry was exhausting and genuinely taking a toll on your mental. The two of you met 4 years ago, with you being a backup dancer for one of his biggest music videos.

Your sweet personality and captivating look immediately caught his eye. The way you carried yourself made his heart flip, he knew you were the one. After filming was done, he asked you out to dinner and it was wraps from there.

Meeting Seung-hyun was the best thing that happened to you. Well it was, until a year into your relationship. As the days you were together increased, you wanted to show off your boyfriend more. You knew you couldn’t and that ate you alive.

Seeing everyone getting posted and taken out by their boyfriends always put a bad feeling in your stomach, knowing that could never be you. Sometimes you wish that he was a regular guy, that people wouldn’t bombard him with questions everytime he went out and that his fans weren’t bat shit crazy.

You knew how harsh the k-pop industry was, and wanted no part in it. Some idols were getting publicly shamed just for relationship rumors, so what would the people say if they knew you were together for almost half a decade?

It wasn’t his fault, but it affected how you acted towards him. You found yourself getting random attitudes to him—not wanting to talk when he tells you how you can’t go on cute dates, and overall just being cold. One day, in particular, was way worse than usual.

It was the morning of valentine’s day, your 5th together, and you couldn’t shake the sick feeling you had. Everywhere you looked was filled with couples. Your social media, stores, the streets— you couldn’t escape it.

Now you weren’t one to be ungrateful, but having to stay hidden on a day where couples were meant to be shown off made you feel a type of way. You wanted nothing more than to be flaunted by Seung-hyun. This was the man you wanted to marry, and you wanted everyone to know.

Getting out of bed, you saw that he was nowhere in sight. Not in the room, bathroom, living room, or kitchen. Heading back to your shared room, you picked up your phone and went to text Seung-hyun. Surprisingly, though, there was already a message from him.

mybaby💋 • 1m ago

goodmorning princess, come to the guest room. happy valentine’s day ❤️

You were confused by the message, still being dazed by the sleepiness weighing on you. Leaving your shared room, you dragged your feet to the unused guest room, which was all the way on the other side of the house

The both of you had a shared home, which was rather large due to him wanting to have space for his group and occasional parties. You didn’t object, not caring about the size. But it was times like this when you really regretted your decision.

After what felt like an endless walk through the hallways decorated with bright colors and pictures of happy times the both you shared, you finally arrived at the guest room. You sleepily opened the door, and as you stepped inside, you were greeted by a sight that left you speechless.

The room was adorned with an array of crimson red balloons, each hovering slightly above the ground. They wavered slightly from the faint breeze from the windows, their shiny surfaces reflecting the soft, warm light that shone in from the sunrise. Delicate rose petals scattered across the hardwood floor formed a path toward the center of the room.

At the end of the room, there were silver balloons hovering above the lounge couch spelling out 'i love you' in cursive. The way the chords echoed around the room made your heart swell with a mixture of surprise and overwhelming emotion. The whole scene made you want to burst out in tears, you were so lucky to have someone like him in your life.

Seung-hyun stood by the words holding a glittery bouquet of flowers, looking as handsome as ever with a gentle smile that made your insides flutter. “Happy Valentine’s Day love.” he spoke softly, voice almost drowned out by the music.

You could barely speak, nothing coming out but girly giggles and laughs. The effort he put into making this day special flooded your mind with warmth, overtaking your earlier frustrations. Everything about the setup felt so intimate, you could really tell how much time and effort he put into it.

“Seung-hyun, this is… it’s beautiful.” you finally managed to say, eyes watering as you walked into the room. You stepped over the rose petals, feeling a bittersweet twinge of happiness mixed with the indifference of knowing you couldn't show anyone how happy you were.

“I wanted to do something special for you, just for today,” he said, moving toward you to take your hands in his. “You deserve the world. I hate that we have to keep our love a secret, but I want you to know how much you mean to me, especially on days like this.”

Tears gathered at the bottom of your eyes, threatening to spill out.. You knew he cared, you really did, but the guilt of feeling like a secret in his life made it all so complicated. “I just wish…” you started, voice shaky, “I just wish we could be open about us. I want to show everyone how amazing you are, how much I love you.”

He took a step closer, the warmth radiating from him somehow able to calm the emotions raging inside you. “I know baby, but this is how it has to be right now. I promise, one day we can be public about everything. You just have to trust me a little longer.”

Closure seemed so far away. You nodded, wiping at your eyes before flashing him a small smile, not wanting your feelings to overshadow the wonderful effort he’d put into today. “Okay. I trust you.”

“Let’s enjoy the day together, okay? I have a lot planned.” A wide smile spread across his face as he lead you out of the room, leaving you to wonder just what he had in mind.

As the day went on, you went to various places enjoying each others presence. He took you all around town to the most private, romantic spots. You loved when he did this, it showed how much he cared for you, but there was a pit in your stomach that couldn’t seem to go away.

On your anniversary, the day started with the two of you waking up wrapped in each other’s arms, sunlight beaming through the curtains, emphasizing all the intricate details and curves on his face. You couldn't shake the feeling that today would be different, something about it felt special, almost electric.

After making you breakfast, Seung-hyun insisted on keeping the day's plans a surprise. He carefully arranged everything to ensure it would be the happiest day of your life, one you spent all with him. You found yourself growing more excited the more he gave little hints about what was to come.

The first stop was a remote hillside cabin that he rented for the weekend. Burrowed among the trees, the cabin was completely surrounded by nature, giving you the peace and quiet he knew you loved. When you stepped inside, the cabin was filled with soft music, candles adorned the tables, flickering slightly. In the center of the room you were met with your favorite dish on both sides of a small table.

“Welcome to our place, baby” he said, sneaking up behind you to place a kiss on your shoulder "Just us." There was no hiding the smile that grew on your face, you could barely believe how thoughtful he was to create such a romantic setting just for you.

The two of you spent the morning walking through the beautiful trails that spread out through the woods, taking in the vibrant colors of the scattered leaves as they crunched under your feet. Seung-hyun held your hand tightly, occasionally pulling you in to exchange soft kisses, transporting you to world that felt entirely your own.

After the hike, he led you back to the cabin where he had a picnic set up inside, laid out on a beautifully woven blanket. A bottle of chilled wine sat on the cover, alongside an assortment of expensive cheeses, fruits, and pastries. You both settled comfortably on the floor, commenting on the rustic scenery and sharing stories and laughter. The sound of the wind blowing through the trees outside was a soundtrack to the love that surrounded you.

He urged you to put on a dress, a beautiful white one— saying it would make the picnic that more romantic. After a few minutes of going back and forth, you decided to just put it on. You knew how stubborn he was and if it made his enjoy the dinner more, you'd do it regardless.

As the sun slowly lowered in the sky to sink lower in the sky, casting a warm golden shadow through the cabin windows, Seung-hyun suggested to watch your favorite movie. Claiming it would be a good way to end the day, you agreed and settled down to start the film.

Halfway through, though, you noticed Seung-hyun glancing at you more than he was watching the film. His intense gaze sent a rush of warmth through you, and you smiled softly, hoping to encourage him to share whatever was on his mind. Just as the romantic climax of the movie approached, he paused the screen and turned to face you, his expression suddenly serious. “Can we talk for a moment?”

“Of course,” you replied, intrigued and a little anxious about what he was going to say. Pulling away slightly, he sat up and looked deeply into your eyes. “You know how much you mean to me, right?” His tone was somber and genuine, wrapping you in immediate comfort.

“More than anything” you muttered, heart racing.

“Good,” he said, nodding, his gaze unwavering. “Because I’ve been thinking about us, about our future, and how much I want to make it real.” He looked at you with a slight smile on his face, eyes unable to tear from you like a magnetic force locked his gaze onto yours.

Your breath caught in your throat, nervousness creeping to the surface as you anticipated what was coming. “What do you mean?” You could hardly keep the tremor from your voice.

Seung-hyun reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, velvet box. Your heart began to race even faster, an overwhelming mix of joy and disbelief swirling within you.

“I've never thought about marriage until five years ago when I met you. It’s like you flipped a switch in my brain, and suddenly, all I could think about was wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. I know we've had to keep things a secret, but I'm ready to tell the whole world about you. I want to build a life together, no more hiding or secrets.” he said, his voice calm but warm. “Let’s take this step so we can finally just be… us. Out in the open.”

With trembling hands, he opened the box, revealing a delicate silver ring that sparkled under the candlelight—an intricate design with a single gem at its center. The ring sparkled underneath the lights, losing you in it's beauty. “Will you marry me?”

Tears streamed down your face as a wave of emotions crashed over you. You weren’t just overwhelmed by the proposal, but by the amount of love and commitment in his eyes. You wouldn't have to hide how you felt, you wouldn't be a secret anymore.

“Yes!” you exclaimed, your voice breaking as you nodded fervently. “I'd love to marry you baby”

He slipped the ring onto your finger, and the moment it settled in place, you felt an overwhelming rush of joy. Seung-hyun scooped you into his arms, spinning you around as laughter spilled out of you and echoes off the walls of the cabin. He finally set you down, and in that moment, nothing else mattered. Not the world outside, not the secrets, not the complications. Just the two of you, finally stepping into the light together.

“I love you so much,” he murmured as he pulled you into his arms, his forehead resting against yours. “I’ve waited for this day forever.”

“I love you more,” you replied, heart racing, blossoming before you in vibrant colors. You melted against his touch, the future flashing through your mind in a golden glow.

Time seemed irrelevant in that moment as you bathed in the warmth of his touch. Here in your hidden sanctuary, a place created just for the two of you, nothing else mattered. Your love story was just beginning, and you couldn’t wait to write the next chapter together.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you mamas” he whispered, standing up to pull you into his arms.

You buried your face in his shoulder, laughter and tears intertwining in a beautiful melody. In that moment, all the worries and fears faded away. Seung-hyun whipped out his phone and went straight to instagram.

"Can't wait to show u off baby, been waiting for this for years" The typing on his phone intensified as his smile grew wider by the second. You drifted off to sleep in his arms as the soft sound of his fingers tapping against the screen rocked you to a peaceful sleep.

When you finally woke, sunlight beamed through the leaves of the trees surrounding your home, casting playful patterns on the ground. Seung-hyun slept beside you, chest rising up and down with each breath he took. He was so at peace, and it made your heart swell all over again.

There was a constant 'bzzzz' coming from your nightstand, causing you to tiredly snatch your head in the direction of it. For some reason, your phone was blasting with notifications. Opening it, you were met with an instagram post from your very own fiancé.

@.ttt ✓

♫ Daniel Caesar • Blessed

ttt my beautiful fiancé

liked by xxxibgdrgn and others

view comments…

@.seunghyunswifey wait are we so serious rn??

@.5bigbangs chat this is me like fr

@.liyahsarchives she’s so pretty i can’t even hate

@.than0sworlddd I mean she’s okay..

@.daeholuvr okay let’s see ur face then !!

@.iheartkenshin so happy for them omgg

Reading the comments gave you a whirlwind of emotions. While most were supportive and happy for your relationship, there were others that weren’t as joyful. They called you names, degraded you, even wished the worse on your marriage. You knew they were just crazy fans, but it still hit the deepest part in your heart.

Still, you were thankful for this. Being public about your engagement had its prices to pay, and this was just one of them. No matter how bad it gets, no amount of hate would overpower your love for Seung-hyun.

Looking over at him sleeping peacefully in bed, the morning sun radiating off of his face, brought you comfort. As long as you had him, everything would be okay.

[piratemajimaa]

.

excuse me I'm annoyed and I'm gonna rant for a second :)

...

[crossdressingdeath]

You know what the most frustrating thing about DAV criticism is at the moment? It's that I do in fact have criticisms. Quite a few, actually. It's a Bioware game, of course I have criticisms. No one I've spoken to or whose posts I've seen thinks it's perfect or above criticism. But the thing is, I—and I imagine a lot of other firmly positive blogs—know that if I share any of those criticisms, if I make posts discussing them and talk about the game's flaws, I will immediately be inundated by people using those complaints to insist that the whole game is garbage and the writing is bad and Bioware's a terrible studio who can't make good games and DAI (of all fucking games) was so much better and blah blah blah blah. I know that because it's happened every goddamn time I've made a less-than-positive post about DAV. And I don't have the energy to deal with that! The endless stream of bad faith criticism wears me down and having to constantly stop to defend a game I like when I'm trying to discuss its flaws because if I don't (and frankly half the time even if I do) people will use my posts to claim the whole game is garbage is exhausting, and fandom is supposed to be fun. So I can't discuss DAV's flaws on tumblr if I want to avoid that, and it is infuriating. I see people bitching about toxic positivity and people refusing to acknowledge the game's flaws, and I really want those people to take a second to consider: do the game's fans ignore its flaws and refuse to accept that anything about it is bad? Or have you created an environment that is so toxic that no one who likes the game wants to risk getting your attention by mentioning what's bad about it and they respond more aggressively than is warranted to even genuine critique in an attempt to ward you off? Because there will always be assholes who claim that genuine problems are Fine, Actually, Stop Being Such A Baby... but if people can't address the game's flaws in public without immediately getting dragged into five different arguments about how it is in fact ultimately a really solid game, they're not going to do it no matter how much they recognise those flaws.

[sweetshelluvaau]

You know, at this point I'm wholeheartedly convinced that fanart/fanfiction/fan any content is what's keeping Hellaverse alive because when fan content has better writing and portrayals of these characters than the actual shows and canon themselves you kinda know you fucked up.

I'm not necessarily talking about fanon either, I've been writing within the Hellaverse RPC (roleplay community) here for almost a year now and seeing how people take these characters, deconstruct them and flesh them out with their own spin on things regardless if these are just small little add ons to already established lore or drastic changes, the share creativity coming from these writers and the muns I've befriended make me wish we had a show(s) that was made with as much love and care than those who do enjoy Hellaverse in some shape or form.

It also helps that half of that RPC is as critical and salty as I am. Birds of a feather flock together.

Don't get me wrong, the Hellaverse fandom as a whole is a cesspool of toxicity and horrible people, there are bad eggs within the RPC as well trust me, but one of the reasons why I am still in some of these spaces (critical and small groups with friends) is because I enjoy the creativity that comes out of those who do have passion and care for these shows and what they could have been suppose to what they ended up being...

Idk I feel like despite how cynical and jaded I've become and stopped watching Helluva Boss all together outside of the shorts that interest me, I like to look on the more positive parts of the fandom and community even how much the Stans and toxic fans extremely outnumber them...

[fangswbenefits]

Yeah.

I've definitely fallen in love....

[loveromeo1641]

I recently reinstalled tiktok and GOD it was such a jumpscare remembering how god awful the tiktok tdlosk fandom was compared to tumblr. Like jesus christ why is everyone so negative and shitty all the fucking time, do they not get like exhausted from it

[phantomsies]

on second thought, I’m thinking I should’ve never come back to this app lmao

[blamemma]

idk personally i dont think its incompetent or bad of a team to realise these problems BEFORE the race. they're trying hard to fix them as quickly as possible. y'all would have had a much bigger issue if this had happened DURING the race. i have faith. i trust them.

[godblooded]

feeling all kinds of awful in this chili’s this godforsaken morning.

[torchickentacos]

I'm reading poetry at 1 am and spiraling over like 45 emotions at once, which is how poetry was meant to be enjoyed, I think