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sorrrrrry i know i have things to reply to but i'm fresh off a trip and exhausted by my real life and probably won't get to writing until thursday 🥺

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✨💫 Happy Star Wars Day! 💫✨

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may the fourth be with you hehe

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rey didn’t allow herself a breather until she was sweating freely and her arms and shoulders ached. leaning on the staff, ignoring the curious porgs circling overhead, she spotted luke’s lightsaber peeking out of her bag.

SHOULD SHE? OF COURSE SHE SHOULD.

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“Your past mistakes are not who you are.”

* reassuring starters | accepting

     easy for her to say. no one else seems to make as many MISTAKES as rey does. everyone she encounters always just seems to know exactly what to do. leading, fighting -- it all comes naturally to people like leia and finn and rose and poe.

her failures always feel particularly LOUD. it's probably not the case, but every step she takes on the resistance base feels weighted with the stares of people judging her, discussing her every move. there's a pressure on her shoulders rey has never felt before. on jakku, there was no one to disappoint but herself. now, everything is different.

"they just seem insurmountable, sometimes," rey admits. "sometimes i feel like i can't get ahead. like nothing i do can be enough." it's as if she has something terrible to make up for, she feels as if she owes the galaxy so much. DOESN'T SHE? the universe has forged this path for her. why should she think she knows better?

she has always been hard on herself, but it feels deserved, now. there are SO MANY people counting on her. rey needs to find a way to be better. as close to perfect as possible. she can't afford any future mistakes -- her past failures already haunt her. "i guess i try not to dwell on them, but... how can i not? isn't it important to remember them, so they aren't repeated?"

@wraekage

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     For once, she doesn't argue. Rey had wanted to believe there was light left in Ben, too. But she knows now she was MISTAKEN. That is a lesson Seth will have to learn on his own, as painful as it will be. There's no describing the hurt she felt when he failed to return to the light. She still thinks of it often -- opening up to him, expecting so much... only to be let down. "I know," Rey murmurs. She can't say she would do anything DIFFERENTLY, if she were in his position. She has no siblings, no family... but Finn is like a brother to her. Where wouldn't she go, if there was a chance she could save him? Probably, she'd do much worse than sneak around and take off.

The brief moment of sincerity is gone as quickly as it'd come. Rey scoffs. "Me slow you down?" she repeats, as if the very idea of it is absurd. "Come ON." Together, they head towards the cockpit -- Seth is right about one thing. They need to get going as soon as possible. While they walk, she considers the plan.

"It could work," Rey says slowly. "But how would we get the chance to speak with him? Wait until he arrives and board his ship? Or... lure him to a nearby planet? That's assuming he'll come ALONE, which is a big 'if.'"

HE COULD BE NICER. Seth knew he should be. If he wanted... honestly, he did not know what he wanted. Did he want to be a Jedi like Luke or something more? Solo had too much darkness in him and uncertainty. It always lurked. Ready to strike like a snake coiled. "Maybe you're right." Sometimes he shocked himself. Agreeing with felt just as wrong it did right. "I do want to believe there is light in him."

Sighing, his shoulders snagged down in defeat. There was no use in keeping up the arguing for long. He had more to him than constant opposition. "Still, he is my brother." Kylo couldn't be completely lost. Ben had to be in there, somewhere.

Maybe he was grasping what little hope there was. If he was able to reach out to his mother after so long and see the error of his ways, hen his brother wasn't lost completely. "Fine. If you slow me down, so help me." So much for being nice. "What are your thoughts on blowing up the base he was last in? It could draw him there away from Snoke." It was a plan he formulated in his mind for awhile. "We best get going. The sooner we can get in the air, the more time to plan."

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next time something like this happens, you have to promise to tell me.

* patching up wounds prompts | accepting

     she doesn't say anything, staring down at her toes in shame. it has been happening for a LONG TIME -- the nightmares. as long as she can remember, actually. when she was young they centered around her parents and those awful moments she watched the starship leave jakku's orbit. over time, they grew darker. meaner.

the only person she'd ever told about them was ben, for all the good that'd done. he had pretended admirably to care, sharing his own experience in those moments spent over the FIRE. for a few precious days, she had truly felt she'd never be alone again.

that's also what makes talking with anakin about it now so shameful. lately, rey seems to make one mistake after another. she knows luke and leia have been disappointed in her, and why shouldn't they be? rey can hardly seem to do anything RIGHT. she couldn't bring ben home. she couldn't defeat snoke. and now it's possible she's hurt the resistance worse than ever, withholding information that came to her in a dream.

"they're not always REAL," she says. she can't help but to be defensive. there's no way of knowing any vision she might have is important, or true, or even possible. before today, she hadn't even known who palpatine was. "i didn't think it was anything special."

rey sighs, fidgeting on her feet. this isn't something she particularly likes to talk about. it's embarrassing; shouldn't a jedi be better than some bad dreams, anyway? "i'm sorry," she mutters. "if i'm being honest, i hope not to have this happen AGAIN."

@forcenexus

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     a frown furrows her brow. what plays on the screen khione has passed to her is not what she'd expected. rey is surprised to see what unfolds. complicated doesn't seem like the right word for it. it always surprises her to see how CRUEL some people can be towards their families. she hasn't known that particular pain, but she has seen it in her friends. she's not sure she believes it no longer bothers khione. how could it not? feelings like these leave their mark. they return when you least expect them.

she hands the phone back with a look of disapproval. "i'm sorry this happened to you," rey says seriously. "she was very unkind." she grasps khione's free hand and squeezes it tightly in hers. "your strength is admirable, but i hope you know you deserve your moments of SOFTNESS, too. you don't have to pretend this doesn't bother you if it does."

they were meant to meet, she supposes. she and thor can give khione the warmth she deserves, the experiences she yearns for. in this moment, rey sees herself in khione -- she once felt that same ACHE. and she knows she can be proof that conditions always improve with time. "thor and i will be very happy to speak with you whenever you like," she promises. "it might be easier if i give you a communicator compatible with mine. they're easy to use. you just press a button, and we'll be able to see each other through the hyperwave. very convenient." surely she has an extra laying around somewhere, though they have given many to their allies.

clearing her throat, rey now nudges her shoulder playfully against khione's. "go on, search for the photos. they'll make you LAUGH, i think. everyone had a bit to drink -- and the earth people waited outside all night to see our friends leave in the morning." it was a spectacular night, a celebration that lasted longer than each of their previous weddings. thor's friends had been so happy for him -- for both of them. and how nice it had been, to celebrate something wonderful after tragedy upon tragedy.

"will you do all those traditions yourself if you get married?" she asks curiously. "how long will it last? it sounds very intricate -- and beautiful." it's a nice way to think about the PARTNERSHIP a wedding forges: someone to journey through life with.

"yeah, i can imagine." and that's only, you know, the western variant, the off-planet ones notwithstanding. "there are so many wedding traditions across the board. eastern weddings - south asian weddings, specifically - are lavish and large; grand affairs that last, well, long. there are several ceremonies that would take too long to explain without visuals to make things clear but one of the things that the bride and groom, or the grooms or the brides, do is walk around a pit of fire seven times, which symbolizes the couple's journey through life together, representing their mutual support, understanding, and commitment to each other."

"yes, please and thank you," kie nods, "uncle thor says he doesn't have a phone, either. i figured i'd get him one, and you, too, but i don't know how that would work, considering you're both off-planet. so yeah, inundate me with communicator knowledge, please."

a nod and then: "they can be, and often are. and it used to bother me, certainly. when i was younger. but now it's just---" she shrugs, slender shoulders rising and falling. "---it is what it is, it's a fact of life, like the grass is green and the sky is blue." for a moment, the younger of the two is quiet. then she says: "at this point, i'm way past feeling uncomfortable. besides, i trust you, aunt rey."

“---i would say that there are a few stages of knowing me: the first is disbelief. then, inquisitiveness. then come the actual questions, ‘is it really true, does she really do all of those things?’ and at the end of it all, people do tend to fall in love with me; i mean, what can i say? i know how to get beneath their skin. i think it’s something my daughter has inherited from me. she’s got that same dynamic quality. draws eyes wherever she goes. it’s both a blessing and a curse to be seen.”

on screen, saraswati goossens looks every bit the statuesque supermodel she is. or, rather, was, before she transitioned into becoming this tv personality. she’s always reinventing herself. always.

“then again,” saraswati continues, “i can say that for many aspects of motherhood.” a wry chuckle escapes her lips. “you guys don’t even want to know how much trouble khione gave me during my pregnancy.”

“i said i was sorry about that, wasn’t i?” a younger khione, wearing bangles around her wrists and a bindi on her forehead, makes herself known. perches precariously on the armrest of the chair. somehow, she doesn’t fall off. her mother doesn’t react. instead, saraswati asks: “how’d power placement go?”

“made it snow. made it in. wasn’t that hard. honestly, i’m just glad coach b didn’t drop a car on my head. especially after i told him that you weren’t interested in him. could do without the goras deliberately misunderstanding our culture, however, but that’s nothing new.”

saraswati rolls her eyes. mutters something unflattering and unkind about tommy boomowski beneath her breath in hindi. Then she schools her features into something akin to interest. “barron’s kid started today, too, didn’t he?”

before khione can answer, though, her mother’s eyes narrow.

“eyes,” saraswati says firmly and khione blinks rapidly until her irises go from blazing white to their regular brown again. she flushes, casts her eyes to the floor and mutters a quiet: “sorry.”

saraswati sucks her teeth and leans towards her daughter under the guise of tucking a few tresses of hair behind her ear. “honestly, did your father and i not teach you anything?!”

“i’m sorry!” khione winces visibly as her head snaps up towards her mother, like she’s a puppet on a string. quietly, she adds: “i have to keep it contained, i know, otherwise I’ll end up hurting people again like i hurt you!”

saraswati interjects, smiles, placating, at the camera. “---didn’t i tell you? she’s very... warm-hearted for a cryokinetic.” she inclines her head, then. “go, you’ve got an extra practice lesson for your first ever showcase, don’t you?”

“i, um… yes, mother.”

“my husband, evander, and i are very proud of her, of course---”

"three seasons, eight episodes each." kie shrugs. "and what you just saw was only a snippet from the first episode." a beat and then: "this was my life before aisling."

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hiiii i will be away til sunday so if you message me and i don't get back to you that's why !! but feel free to send asks in the meantime and there's stuff in the queue 🥰

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     "wow," rey murmurs. it makes her sort of SAD to think that's the case. when does carol take time for herself? when does she let herself feel what she needs to? "so... you NEVER think about it? doesn't it eventually -- force itself on you?" she thinks she would explode, if she were in carol's shoes. pushing the way you feel down and trying to bury it only ever ends one way, and rey wants better for her friend. carol has been someone she can lean on -- but where does carol lean? who is there to help her when everything feels like too much? "i hope you know you can always talk to me, if you want. if you ever feel like you need that time to crumble."

her eyebrows arch in surprise. she supposes that is true -- and WILL be true for her, too. anywhere she goes in her galaxy, rey is a target. as her anonymity becomes a thing of the past, she knows she'll probably always be a target. the life of a jedi demands as much, but it is a sacrifice she is willing to make. "i'd think people would feel safer having someone like you around. bad people are everywhere. it seems INEVITABLE something terrible will happen... so wouldn't you want someone capable of helping living next door?" that is their duty, after all -- to help those who can't help themselves. it is what she always aspires to.

a wry smile twists her lips. there's no sense arguing with carol, but rey doublts very much thor would even notice if something happened to her today. "alright," she says simply. she doesn't LIKE the idea, but she understands it. people like carol and thor have abilities that don't compare to what she can do. "if anything goes really wrong, i'll pilot the ship and wait for you to catch up. but you have to promise you WILL do your best to catch up. or i'll kill you."

it's certainly not easy, but the blonde has been doing the dance of avoidance for a long time. it all leads back to her childhood, really. she ponders for a few seconds before opting for unfiltered honesty. ❛   i don't give myself time to think about it.   ❜ it's the one way she can function. ❛   if i stop to consider everything, i would never get anything else done. i fear everything━i would crumble, & so many others depend on me. it's not that i think HIGHLY of myself, but . . .   ❜ people still need help everywhere. ❛   it's easier for me since i never stick around anywhere long. i don't have all the constant reminders of what we all lost.   ❜

it feels strange to think about such things. ❛   you'd be surprised. people consider someone like me living near them a LIABILITY.   ❜ Carol explains, thinking of those simpler times. ❛   you never know when a bad guy will show up & try to kill you while causing lots of damage to a building.   ❜ all in all, she's had several apartments all over the city. ❛   a change of scenery helps sometimes, so do think about it.   ❜

she smiles, knowing that stories sometimes tend to be embellished. ❛   it's usually FUN to hear what they come up with. people are easily swayed, still, so they tend to believe everything they hear or read.   ❜ since she's unsure what they'll find, it's merely a precaution. ❛   i know, but their problem is with me. you do not need to get dragged into the mud because of me.   ❜ what else is there to say ? Rey already knows that Skrulls can look like anyone. ❛   oh, it's not your fighting skills i'm worried about. i know you can handle yourself, but Thor would kill me.   ❜ he cannot lose anyone else; they both know that. ❛   so if things get dicey, promise me you'll get away. i'll be fine.   ❜

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     for the first time in a long time, her sleep is DREAMLESS. there is no intrusion from the dark side of the force. no visions, no flashes of kylo ren's thoughts come to bother her. rey sleeps deeply, and wakes well-rested. there are even a few moments of bliss that find her when her eyes flutter open: the bed is warm around her, the blankets tucked thoughtfully over her arms. her body is pleasantly sore from exertion, reminding her of how she spent the night prior. a soft smile spreads across her face. rey turns her cheek on the pillow, blinking sleepily at the spot thor had been occupying when she'd drifted off.

it's empty now. her smile fades as she recalls why that's likely to be. everything that's happened hits her at once, and rey sighs, wishing it were possible to live in those few seconds of blissful ignorance FOREVER. but she knows it's not, and moreover, the duty that called thor from bed is hers, too. she should offer her help. it's why she's here. her eyes find the note when she rolls over fully to stretch, and rey takes it into her hands with no small amount of delight. her face floods with warmth as she sees it's written in aurebesh. it's a minor gesture, but a comforting touch of home nonetheless.

her eyes scan the page. just reading the word breakfast makes her stomach growl. rey holds the paper to her chest for a moment, letting her eyes slide shut. the force gives her a glimpse of thor, bent over the bed, penning it for her with such focus -- such affection. this time, her sigh is wistful as she rises from the sheets.

rey searches for her clothes from the night before and redresses, pulling her hair back off her face. there is a brief second spent poking at the marks that litter her neck and the visible area of the top of her chest before she shivers and turns away from her own reflection -- in an effort not to get DISTRACTED. carefully, she opens the door and slips back out into the hallway, light on her feet so that she might not disturb anyone else around.

as she walks, trying not to get lost, part of her hopes she doesn't encounter anyone else on her way to the kitchen; rey hardly feels as if she has ANY idea what she should say to them.

the hallways are quiet, but steve and nat are eating together when she enters the room. if they're annoyed with her for her intrusion last night, they don't make it known. steve is perfectly polite as he shows her how to serve herself caf and food, the sight of which makes her mouth water. thor has arranged for a large variety for her, and rey exercises only the BAREST restraint in loading her plate full.

"he said he would be back soon," she says, when they ask where thor's gone. rey tilts her head to the side, searching for his force signature. it feels close, and that's when an automated voice from seemingly no where announces: mr. odinson is in the elevator. she squints up at the ceiling curiously, trying to pinpoint the source of the sound. how could the building know that? and why would it tell them right when they were discussing the exact SAME topic? there isn't a chance to ask steve one of the many questions plaguing her before thor enters the kitchen.

just the sight of him makes her smile. the last few bites of rey's breakfast sits neglected as she slides her eyes over him. thor looks windswept and beautiful, and she's instantly reminded of how happy she is to see him as he steps CLOSER. rey schools the look on her face into one of seriousness, but it doesn't stop her eyes from being bright with joy when their gazes lock. "how was your search?" she asks. "did you find anything new?"

despite the jab, and how his eyes roll and he scoffs in response, it leaves thor’s heart fluttering —— her laughter.  what a wonderful sound; he hadn’t even noticed how fond he’d become of it until he’d had go days on end without hearing it.  gently, he nudges her where she lays, a little, disgruntled shake.  “alright, alright,” he says at last, clearly ever-so bothered by her teasing.  “whatever you say.  attitude problem or not, at least my story was devoid of any explosions.”

when she settles, and a quiet falls around them once more like a blanket, he allows his head to tip against the pillows beneath them.  the motion of his hands, drawing aimlessly over her skin, come to a stop so he may instead hold her snuggly against him.  many nights, he’s held her in his arms while they drifted off.  yet this night is different —— for so many reasons.  he feels closer to rey, now.  whether brought on by the prolonged distance, or the tragedy, or the intimacy; perhaps all of them.  it matters not to him.  he is only content to finally be here.

“you are probably right.  as much as i would prefer to lay awake with you until sunrise…  we should preserve our energy for what comes next.”  hunting for thanos, rectifying his act.  how long will it take?  just how taxing will it be?  “you are free to get some rest.  i will be here, holding you, all night.  and in the morning we will meet with everyone and… discuss our next course of action.”

one last kiss is pressed to her forehead; thor exhales as he at last allows his eyes to close.  rey has successfully eased his mind and distracted him, for the moment, from everything that weighs so heavily upon him.  appreciative, satisfied, happy that he can finally rest again within the safety of the woman he loves, the quiet and the peace lull him to sleep for the first time in days.

when he wakes, the sun has yet to fully rise in the sky.  light pours faintly into the room, a soft, orange glow chasing away the darkness of the night.  rey is still asleep when his eyes slowly blink open, and she probably will be for some time.  the days in which they need not be awake early are few and far between, but when they do come ——— well, he has noticed her aversion to an early start.  unwinding from her without waking is a challenge, executed very carefully, moving very slowly, until he is able to detach and stand from the bed.  he pulls the covers over her, his fingers stroking along her hair, before leaning in for another kiss.  her forehead, her cheek, her nose.  it’s so lovely, seeing her so peaceful.

as he dresses to leave, he frequently glances over to her to check whether she’s awoken yet.  she hasn’t.  he almost doesn’t want to go, but he can’t do nothing.  it is a new day; their undisturbed bubble must burst.  the fight must resume.  and the million thoughts that have cycled through his mind on loop return, demanding to be acknowledged.  thor simply cannot do nothing.  so he leaves the compound, bringing stormbreaker with him so that he may fly around the planet.  once, twice, once again, eyeing every city for anything that may be out of the ordinary, every forest for signs of intrusion —— looking for any place on earth thanos may have portaled to after the blast of using the stones.  in the early morning hours, thor searches for his target, and his anger (and anxiety, and relief) pitches higher each time all is normal.

as normal as it can be.

but he didn’t leave without notice.  beside rey, on the bed where he’d slept, sits a note.  torn from the page of a notebook, after he’d pulled his clothes on.  it is written in aurebesh, and each stroke of the pencil was made with care:  hello, love.  if you are reading this, you’ve woken from your slumber before i’ve returned.  don’t fret, i’m merely conducting a search of my own to be certain i haven’t missed anything.  i won’t be long, i promise.  if you are hungry, there is breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen.  ask someone if you don’t remember how to get there, they won’t mind.  i will be back soon.  thor.

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     Rey focuses on powering up the ship and getting them into orbit. It's second nature to her, by this point -- engaging the engine and steering them off planet is as easy as BREATHING. She ensures the computer has their coordinates as she sends them to hyperspace, and then they're off: another mission to divert their attention to. Another task for her to focus on -- to distract her from her own thoughts for another day.

It's only after the autopilot's engaged that she notices how quiet Finn has gotten. Rey frowns, certain something is wrong, and cursing her inability to identify as much SOONER. She turns towards him, giving him her full attention. "You're not useless," Rey says immediately. "You're always a huge help to me."

More than just what Finn is capable of is the comfort his presence brings. Finn is her FRIEND -- and he is a fantastic friend. He always knows just what to say to make her feel better; he always understands exactly what's on her mind, even when it feels too difficult to explain out loud. Rey's frown deepens. "Did something happen?"

Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it. She knows how that feels, too. Maybe this mission will be a welcome distraction for Finn, just like it is for her. Everything has felt like TOO MUCH, lately. Rey's grateful for a day she won't have to spend alone with her own thoughts... but maybe Finn feels the opposite. Maybe he would rather be back on the base by himself, or with Poe.

At first, yeah it had felt that way. The moment he'd made the decision to leave The First Order, he was calling the shots. For once, he finally felt in charge of his own fate, but becoming one of the faces of the resistance had taken some of that freedom from him. Perhaps some secret part of him was even resentful. That he couldn't follow Rey wherever she went, because that's what he wanted.

To be commanded and told he was needed elsewhere ... well, it felt a little to close to home sometimes. Not that he would voice this to her. Part of him felt like for most people in the resistance, he couldn't be trusted. Considering where he'd come from. Brainwashed or not. He'd been apart of the thing they'd been fighting once upon a time. He was sure most people viewed him under that microscopic lens and part of him feared turning Rey's perception of him into just that. Though he'd never turn his back on her. He couldn't.

Finn manages a weak smile at her encouragement. Usually her words would fully salve over the wound, but not this time. He wasn't sure what felt different about today. Perhaps it had been part of the conversation he'd heard between General Leia and Poe earlier. He shook that thought away though.

"Thanks." He said with a sigh. "It's just easy to feel useless sometimes, I guess." Useless. That'd been the word Leia had used though "not completely" had been in front of it. It might as well have not been there though. Let alone the fact that Poe hadn't argued when she'd said it. Kriff. He needed to stop thinking about it.

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@thorodinsun sent: what if rey was on the statesman when thanos attacked? 🥰

"i am not asking, rey!" in the few months that they have been together, thor has never so much as raised his voice at her. he is only ever gentle, patient... but there is no space for that, now. not alongside her stubbornness, not when she (and everyone else on board) is at risk. yet there is only love in the strain of his voice as he shouts over the commotion. the statesman is rocked with another fired shot; the asgardians around them stumble as they rush to the escape pods, where thor is hurrying rey along. "you are getting in one of those pods. you will go to midgard with the rest of the asgardians and valkyrie. i will be not far behind." i promise hangs unsaid in the air between them. they both know, he thinks, he can't make that promise. "we aren't arguing about this." "please." behind the wave of people waiting to flee, he turns to her, hands gripping her arms, then shoulders, then face. "please, go. you can't be here. i can't have you here." tenderly, he strokes her cheek. there is no small amount of pleading in his eyes. and worry, and desperation, and--- "i love you." he hasn't said it before. this seems as good a time as any. in case he won't get the chance again. "i love you, rey. i need you to be safe --- away from here. it will be alright. now go. go."

     the situation is dire. even she, with her endless well of HOPE, can see that. rey has been in her share of firefights, and this ship can't withstand what's being thrown at it. the enemy's weapons are simply much greater -- more destructive. it is a situation she knows well. the only thing to do is to flee, and at one time, the decision to do so would have been easy. now, it comes with a complication.

thor is asking her to leave him BEHIND.

he must know it's not something she's capable of. that's why he insists she not argue, but rey can't stop herself. "thor," she interjects sharply. "absolutely NOT. we'll fight this together -- i'm not leaving you." there must be something she can do. if only she had a moment to gather her thoughts -- to think past the panic flooding her senses. they could come up with a plan if they had more time.

but they don't. she looks helplessly out the closest viewport, then back at thor. he is desperate, too. it's evident in how he begs, and the gentle touch of his hand against her cheek is enough to bring tears to her eyes. a deep frustration fills her. how UNFAIR this situation is. "no," she whispers, "i can't, i --" a lump swells in her throat, cutting her off. suddenly, she is very afraid.

not of their enemy. not of the fight. but of the idea that these might be her last moments with thor. how can she possibly say all that she wants to in these few rushed seconds? she can't even get her head in order to insist she should stay PROPERLY.

and then he says those words. the ones that make it impossible to even breathe. i love you. she feels her eyes widen, tears welling up within them and slowly spilling over onto her cheeks. a BLAST rocks the hull they stand in, but she doesn't dare to move.

"thor," rey says again. the feeling that sweeps over her is impossible to describe. for one single moment she is so HAPPY she can barely stand it -- thor loves her! her love is returned, even if she hasn't shared it with him yet. he feels the way she does. they are in love.

then reality reminds her how tragic this moment is. the sound that leaves her is almost a laugh -- closer to a gasp, but anguished. of course it won't be alright. who's to say WHAT will happen now? rey shakes her head once, then pushes up onto the tips of her toes so that she might surge forward and kiss him. she throws her arms around his neck, holding on tightly. rey pours every bit of her concern, love and hope into the kiss so that thor -- and the universe -- might feel her sincerity. how deeply she adores him.

please, she begs the force silently. be with him. keep him safe.

she lingers when they break apart, refusing, for one final moment, to loosen her grip. "i love you, too," rey says quietly, voice breaking halfway through the sentiment. she can't think about what might happen. she can only hope for the best. "you must be as careful as you can." still, the tears are steady, now, trailing down her cheeks one after another. quickly, forcefully, she kisses him again. then... her arms unwind. rey takes a step away before she can change her mind. "find me QUICKLY," she urges. "as fast as you can."

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     she laughs, delighted by the situation she pictures. of course thor would land on earth and immediately begin fighting -- and OF COURSE he would befriend the people he'd fought soon after. it is so like him. it's true that everyone rey has introduced him to has adored thor quickly. what's not to like about him? he is warm, friendly, encouraging. open and helpful, it is as if goodness pours off him in waves. "hmm, i know your stubborn streak well," she says playfully. that's true, too. it's a trait they share.

"so the three of you tore up the poor, innocent trees." rey hums her disapproval, slowly shaking her head. "how terrible." gently, her cheek rubs into thor's chest. the gentleness of his hands on her sets her at ease, the charm of the story as warming as his touch. so the affronted gasp that's pulled from her then shatters the stillness, her own chin tipping up to stare accusingly back at him. "EXCUSE ME," rey says. "it wasn't similar at all."

"i thought finn was coming after bb-8! and then we were ambushed, we weren't fighting each other." the differences seem perfectly CLEAR to her. "and, anyway, i never said i don't have an issue with new people." obviously she does. rey's met more new people in the last few years than in her entire life combined. it has been an adjustment -- often she feels like she has no idea what the right thing to say might be. conversation is usually difficult; thor has been an outlier in how easy he was to get along with, like finn, or leia. the way she feels around him is rare. SPECIAL.

"everyone who meets me can tell right away. whereas you come off friendly and charming -- people don't EXPECT your attitude problem." rey can hardly get the words out beyond her giggling, which starts before she's even done teasing him. finally, she feels the last of her tension, her stress, start to fade. this room is one place she can be wholly herself, whatever that entails. thor knows her well by now. he's seen her heart, her mind. he has never judged her, and won't now, either. finally, they can just be.

though the night is not as long as she might hope. "we should probably try to get some sleep." tomorrow is likely to be a LONG DAY, and she's admittedly exhausted from both the travel and the energy spent in bed with him. though the thought of what awaits them is terrifying, rey's comforted by the knowledge that she will spend the evening safe and sound between thor's arms.

a small sound of amusement leaves him; he is careful not to laugh, so as not to jostle her just as she’s relaxed against him.  “how very rude and wholly untrue.  i like to think i am wonderful company around new people… with… a few exceptions, here and there.”  along the skin at the back of her neck, he traces an invisible, looping line.  

“your friends took to me rather quickly and nicely.  considering they thought me strange, at first.”  not that that’s something thor isn’t accustomed to.  and approaching it with their eyes, he is grateful they let themselves warm up to him at all.  who wouldn’t be unsettled by rey’s decision to return with someone she barely knew?  “if ever before my first meeting an acquaintance didn’t go well… it’s their fault.  entirely.  without question.”

with his opposite hand drawing circles at her back, he exhales, leaning his head against hers.  it occurs to him again, in the back of his mind —— there is much hard work and (potentially) many taxing days ahead of them.  he savors this moment with her while he can.  to lay in each others’ arms, and tease, and reminisce — he’s grateful.

“loki had landed on earth with plans to…”  this part, she knows already.  he’s told her so much about loki in the months they’ve known one another, and he doesn’t want to revisit too many details surrounding them now.  their loss is so fresh.  “and, as you know, i had followed to put a stop to it.  i had never told you that the avengers and i first met in an altercation.”

“they had taken loki prisoner, or so they thought.  i aimed to free them and return them to asgard to answer for all they’d done.  why should the humans be in the midst of… familial quarrels?  two opposing sides, both seeking justice, neither wanting to rescind what they thought their rightful claim.  i have been told i have a stubborn streak,” when he peers down at her, his smile is genuine.  “i… cannot seem to remember who’d made the first move to incite the fight,” he remembers it clearly, “but stark and steve and i had destroyed a section of forest in the confrontation.”

seconds pass with the anecdote hanging in the air, his breaths coming to a slow, as does the rhythm of both his stroking hands.  when realization hits, his brows lift, and he cranes his head back to stare at her as if judging her.  “if i am recalling correctly, the day you met finn was a strikingly similar meeting.  the issue remains yours.”

[lightsiided]

     it is TROUBLING -- the coincidences. all clues point to odin being responsible for what's happened. the questions thor's asking are things she herself has pondered on more than one occasion, to no avail.

and knowing that thor's father is aware it is she who makes his protective charms makes rey's blood run cold.

at the same time, beyond the fear that what thor describes brings, rey feels her heart break. how terrible it must be for him to have to reckon with this. how sad, to have lost his mother like he did, and now... THIS. what must thor be thinking? she sighs. "i believe you," rey murmurs. "you know him better than anyone."

she watches as he paces the short length of the room, back and forth and back again. silence settles for just a moment before rey speaks again. "thor," she starts, concern deepening her frown. "wait a second." but her efforts to interrupt him fall short -- he continues pacing, the expression on his face twisted. rey crosses the short space between them, reaching out for his arms again. "hey," she says softly. "hold on. take a BREATH."

it's true that the odds are stacked against them. but for every ally thor's father has, there are two people who dislike him. two people who would be loyal to thor, who they can count on to fight at their side -- if it should come to that. rey squeezes his biceps, trying to keep him still. she catches his eye and holds it. "we ARE safe here," she says again. it's true. no matter what anyone throws at them, the wards will hold. "my charms have kept you alive so far, right? and they'll continue to. you can trust that."

gently, she smooths her hands down his arms, then back up again. "we have an advantage," she points out. "your father doesn't know you've discovered his plan. but we know a lot from how your enemies have been attacking you, these last few weeks. we'll have to be SMART about this, but... there are things we can do to fight back. your brother will want to help."

and there is one more thing she can do. rey draws a breath, resting her hands on his shoulders. "and... i can use some offensive magic." it is forbidden, but -- "i know how." what is the point in playing by the RULES thor's father has made now? odin has left them no choice.

though none of this matters if thor is too upset to think straight. she lowers her voice, sympathy softening her features. "i'm so sorry, thor. i know how hard this must be." surely it's too much to begin a plan now. they should take advantage of this privacy to GRIEVE, so that thor might feel everything he needs to. "let's take a moment before we talk more about this." her head inclines towards the bed. "let's sit."

“i am absolutely certain.”  there is an edge of desperation in his voice —— accentuated by the betrayal.  thor doesn’t mean to, but his hold on rey tightens.  his eyes are wide & wild with the emotion of his discovery.  “why have i been sent off as frequently as i have?  why do the battles become increasingly more dangerous, for me specifically?  i have noticed how i am targeted while my fellow warriors are more of an afterthought.”  and collateral damage.  “how is it that, every time i am out there, someone on the opposing side knows of your charms?  you aren’t the one telling them.  who else is even aware?”

loki knows, and thor wishes he could say that possibility never crossed his mind… he can’t.  with their own turmoil and strain in recent years, of course he’d considered it.  but his brother has told him more than once: the throne is the last thing they want.  and what would they gain from thor’s demise other than a burden?  their father, on the other hand — he is intimidated by the prospect of thor’s rule.  he feels slighted, he knows, by the different ways in which his son would lead.  a softer touch, a more caring king.  odin has told him more than once he threatens to stain the family name with weakness.

and after frigga’s death… odin has not been himself.

“i was speaking with him earlier, telling him how the recent fight had gone.”  he likes to have all the details.  now that the pieces have fallen into place, thor knows it is only so he can improve his tactics.  so he knows what went wrong, so he may not make that same mistake when marking his son for death in the next one.  “he said… how fortunate it is that i have you to protect me.”

nothing of what a skilled fighter thor is, how he has evaded the attempts on his life time and time again.  it was so pointed.  his father is an excellent actor —— but he could see a glimmer of the malice beneath.  to anyone else, it may have sounded genuine.  his father certainly thought it was convincing.  but… “and this sense of — of dread and knowing came over me.  i can’t explain it, but i know.  i know my father, rey.  he said it not with appreciation nor relief.  it was contempt.”

now, he releases her, and he tries to force his breaths to slow and his eyes to relax.  turning from her, he paces to the opposite end of the hut and back, running a hand over his face and hair.  it still doesn’t feel real, but he knows in his heart that it is.

“i first noticed in the weeks following my mother’s death.  he was grieving, i dismissed it.  but this?”  when he looks back at her, the hurt and disbelief are clear in equal measure.  “i never thought…”  thor sighs, and his head shakes, and he wishes his voice didn’t falter —— but it does.  “my own father is trying to kill me.”  part of him appreciates her presence, her love and her trust… but it doesn’t lessen the devastation of such a revelation.  “my father.  the king.  we aren’t safe anywhere.  what can we possibly do to stop him?”

[lightsiided]

     curiosity EATS at her while they walk, but thor maintains his pretense and so she does, too. they don't make small talk as they settle in -- she only nods, turning away from him to set their protective charms in place. carefully, rey seals the doorway with mountain ash, so no one will be able to enter the room while they are inside. then, a thin trail of salt falls from her fist as she makes a lap around the space. now, no one will be able to hear them, either. from her bag, she pulls several stones of protection, setting them carefully in each corner of the room. finally, she stops beside their bed, placing her palm against the wall. rey shuts her eyes to feel for the wards, which respond right away. beneath her hand, she feels them lock into place. there.

"it's done," she says. with the curtains closed, they might as well not even be here. rey turns around to face thor, surprised to find him so close. "oh--!" her brow furrows with concern. thor has been acting strangely. something is wrong, yes, but now rey starts to worry it is something BIG. but she waits without asking, watching thor try to decide where to begin. once he does, she can feel her heart sink.

privately, she's had her own suspicions. it has all seemed a little too CONVENIENT -- odin's continued ordering of thor into battle as of late. details from the private conversations they've had in the palace suddenly known by enemies. the repeated attempts on thor's life...

but rey had hoped she was wrong. the betrayal is too great, and thor deserves so much better. she can only imagine how this must feel. she sighs, lifting her hands to rest them on thor's arms where he holds her still. "are you sure?" she asks quietly. obviously he's uncovered something that's made him think this -- or perhaps he's come to the same conclusion she has. there are simply too many coincidences to ignore. "has something happened? or do you think... i mean, you don't think that he..."

it is TROUBLING, to be sure. but the facts are clear: someone wants thor dead. it's why she has been tripping over herself to keep his protection charms current. danger seems to find him often, lately, and he's had more close calls in the last few weeks than she can ever recall hearing of. the fights have been brutal. she is constantly worried for him, growing more and more paranoid -- as if someone has been watching their every move. the mood in the palace has become tense. her lips pull down into a frown. "we're safe here," she reminds him. "no one needs to know a word of what we discuss."

with concern, her eyes sweep his face. "i'm so sorry this is happening, thor. but please know that whatever happens now... you aren't alone. i'm beside you completely." she leans closer, tilting her chin up to be near to him. it's good they're being CAREFUL -- good that thor hasn't allowed himself to let his upset take over. they need to be smart about this, so that they can keep him safe. they need a plan.

but first, they need to know exactly what's going on. it's too horrible a thought to believe -- that thor's father is behind the misfortune he's faced. the injuries, the worry, the fear... how can odin be its cause? she shakes her head. "part of me had suspected... but it always seemed too TERRIBLE to believe. let's walk through this from the beginning. when did you first notice he wasn't being himself? what did he say to you that made you suspicious?"

another smile pulls at his lips as her touch recedes.  it doesn’t quite meet his eyes.  as she begins to tidy up, it falls slowly, and that consistent sense of dread leaves his fingers fidgeting at his sides, rocking back onto the heels of his feet.  since the moment it had hit him —— putting together every oddity of the last few months he couldn’t quite place his finger on, the frequent fights he’s been sent off to —— thor hasn’t stopped moving.  as if the swirl of pain simply won’t allow him to remain still.

but when rey turns again, meets him where he’s remained in the doorway, a sense of relief removes some of the weight he still isn’t certain he can carry (at least not alone).  thor has seen many of her smiles; they’re radiant and warm.  this one is stiff.  she sees him better than anyone ever has.  if nothing more, it is a comfort to know that.

one hand closes around the strap of her bag once she’s near enough, the other cupping the back of her neck.  he ignores how out of place it feels —— only putting on an act.  gently, he pulls her in again for another kiss.  humming, he pulls away only enough to say, “the feeling is mutual, my love.  i’ve thought of you all day.”

thor leads her away from the castle, straying farther and farther from the dim lighting around the courtyard until the glow just barely spills beyond the line of trees.  the forest isn’t so thick that the light of the moon barely breaks through the treetops; it helps guide them on the short path their special spot.  a small hut, built by thor himself, a perfect, little place for them to get away from their troubles together.  here, nothing can disturb them —— he doesn’t allow it.  but tonight, he must bring their troubles along to intrude upon their carefully crafted peace.

with each step he takes, he is starkly aware of the bird silently flying above them, tracking them.

carefully, with one of her hands in his, he pulls her along up to the door, where he pauses to carefully push it open.  inside are lamps, candles, a fireplace; a chair by a window where rey can read and watch as nature thrives around her; a small workbench for thor, where he can craft her likeness into wood while her nose is in a book.  a bed, with silver moonlight spilling over it and casting a dull glow around the otherwise dark space.

“i’ll get the windows,” he says as he looks to her again, flashing another forced smile.  so the raven can't see them inside.  “and start a fire.  you,” leaning forward, he stops only when the tip of his nose touches hers, “need only meet me in the bed.”

the kiss that follows is sweeter, lacking the tension and desire he tries to convey.  as he pulls away, he releases her entirely, and within the near-safety of their hut (where the bird can’t see him), his face falls, and the breath he quietly releases deflates him.  it doesn’t matter that he faces away from rey, now; he already knows how well she sees him.

here, he doesn’t need to pretend.  the pretense is gone as he moves about, pulling the cover down over each window, kneeling before the fireplace to create a spark that will warm them.  he glances to her every few moments, but says nothing.  he watches for the very second she’s finished putting protections in place. only then can he speak.

when she has finished, he rises quicker than he intends to, and crosses the space until he can grip her upper arms.  his mouth opens, but at first, nothing comes out.  pausing, sighing, he tries to collect his thoughts as much he can.  

“i apologize for the sneaking and….”  the pretending, misleading her.  “it’s my father.  he’s gone completely out of his mind, and — i can’t risk letting him know that i know.”

[lightsiided]

Random Rey Skywalker moments: 163/?