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hiiiiii merry christmas if you celebrate !! i'll be here doing things sorry i was inactive i had/have a sinus infection lol :(

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independent roleplay blog for SIGYN FREYJADÓTTIR, a character inspired by the figure from NORSE MYTHOLOGY with verses based within THE MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE, drawing from MANY PERSONAL HEADCANONS. crossover friendly, sporadic activity, mutuals only, strictly 20+. loved unconditionally by NELLE. promo credit.

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hc question: is there something rey has always wanted to try or a skill she's always wanted to learn but hasn't had the time to, yet?

     so i don't think the things she desires to learn are like physical abilities or cool force-related things but, rather, internalized stuff. as an example rey wishes she could be more open and comfortable in social settings. she still feels very much like an outsider and never knows the right thing to say or do and even though she knows other people don't necessarily feel this way, she still finds it unnatural sometimes -- meeting and interacting with new people

also she is really wary of her own emotions and insecure about how angry she can get. rey fears letting the dark side of the force in and knows anger is a quick path to getting there... so i think a skill she really desires working on is controlling her rage and finding balance in herself (becoming aware that it's okay to feel things and the universe won't implode if she lets herself feel imperfect)

so there's a non-answer for you LOL

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     "thank you," rey smiles. khione is a good person -- that much is CLEAR. rey has much experience with the opposite, and so it has become easy to identify when someone is genuine. thor has certainly helped with that, too. his sincerity shines out of him always. "of course it's alright to ask. you can ask me anything you want to know." she knows what it's like to be curious, after all. it is a trait that should be nurtured.

what's next is something that excites her very much. the days they're in now hold moments she could only have ever dreamed of before leaving jakku. her life is something her younger self would have found IMPOSSIBLE to imagine, and her delight over the endless choices that have been afforded to her is clear in the smile on her face. "i suppose we're finally taking some time for ourselves," she says. "now that the war is over, and the republic has been restored... i would like to travel some. see the galaxy. much like we did before all of this first happened."

when their relationship was new, there were less pressures. they still fought the first order, but the time they spent learning the other inside and out had been a nice balance to the stress of it all. rey is hopeful they can find that again. with nothing on the horizon but time together... she is eager to discover what new joys the might UNCOVER.

hopefully they will include a plan for their future. a place they might be able to call their home. it seems like too much to even dare to HOPE for.

refocusing on the other girl and her story softens her further. rey listens as khione continues describing the object of her affection. he seems like an equally good person from what she shares. someone worthy of her devotion. "patience is important," rey says. "someone who loves you shouldn't pressure you to change. but i do think there's something to be said about learning who you are... and how to appreciate the things about yourself... on your own." not that she's ever been very GOOD at it, either. coming to terms with all the things she always thought were wrong with her has been a slow, imperfect process. one that still isn't complete. "if he treats you well, that's all that matters. you deserve your chance to be happy."

"oh. oh, wow, that's intense---" she's moving a bit now, actually sitting on her hands so as to not scratch or poke or pick at her wound. the younger of the two can scarcely imagine it: you crashland somewhere, hurt, and the first thing you see when you open your eyes is a militia? that must be a lot to deal with all at once.

but rey continues and she spins a tale of two lovers, two protectors, standing side by side to defend the universe from those that would wish harm upon it.

khione loves it. hangs onto her every word. (though part of her is kind of disappointed that rey isn't a princess.)

she beams at rey, then, and nods her head, eyes sparkling. "yes, he's nice to me. we were friends before we got together but i still consider us friends, even though we are together now. i'm glad we had that. something solid to build on."

and if she hadn't been sitting on her hands, she would've ran at least one of them through her hair by now, mussing it up even more. a habit she hadn't quite managed to break just yet.

"thank you for your words of warning. i will keep that in mind. i wouldn't want to get lost. i don't want you to get lost. you have a good heart too, by the way. i hope you know that as well." which begs another question: "what's next for you and thor now, if it's okay for me to ask?" never mind the fact that she did just that.

a nod and then: "before warren, i was seeing this other boy. well, sort of. it was never official. we were building towards that. yusef abbas. first boy i ever kissed. i leeched the warmth from his skin, turned him blue. he needed acute medical attention afterwards. i didn't mean to, but it happened anyway. i'm not really---i've never been very good at loving myself, either. other people? sure. i can do that. from afar. but myself? not really. warren is patient with me and all of my weird little me-isms. he doesn't just give me warmth. he gives me the space to figure out what i want and how i want it. to learn about myself without shame or fear. to learn about him, too. warren taught me that love doesn't have to be what my mother and father made it out to be. so i hope i can be, at least, a soft place to land for him. he deserves that."

[lightsiided]

“You don’t have to be scared anymore. You’re safe.”

* fluffy / reassuring starters | accepting

     despite his calming assurances, rey certainly doesn't FEEL any less scared. her heart beats quickly, pounding in her chest. she lets her eyes fall to their joined hands, where thor's thumb strokes her knuckles.

he has been so understanding. SO GENTLE. it is far more than she could have ever imagined. throughout her stilted retelling of the story he listened patiently, his face devoid of judgment. once she started talking, it had all tumbled out.

she told thor every last bit of it: coming to know ben DEEPLY, and how he had been hurt; the cold loneliness of the cave on ahch-to; fighting with luke in the rain; flying off to the supremacy...

...and everything that followed. even now, the betrayal still smarts. it is embarrassing to recall how her trust had been abused. rey knows her friends would look at her pityingly if she ever told them the TRUTH. they would call her naïve. they would remind her she should have known better than to expect anything good of kylo ren.

but thor does none of that. he seems to understand even what she doesn't say -- that being let down by ben bruised more than her ego. and he doesn't chide her for her misplaced faith. for her weakness. for her poor decision-making. all he does is remind rey her SECRETS are safe with him.

and she is so grateful.

rey struggles to swallow the lump in her throat. she can't help but to notice how good it feels to share this information with someone else. leia is the only one who knows, and relieving herself of the tremendous burden helps immensely. this is what it feels like, she realizes with a start, to have someone to truly share the emotional toll of life with. someone who wants to carry it alongside her. who isn't GOING anywhere.

"i am just... so ashamed. and worse still -- i don't think i would do anything differently. if i could. so what LESSON have i learned?" rey purses her lips, then shakes her head. "thank you for being so kind to me." even though she knows she doesn't deserve it. "i do know i don't need to be scared of sharing these things with you. rationally, of course, but... you mean a lot to me."

her voice dips into shyness at the end. she can feel her face flood with warmth. rey wonders if thor knows what an UNDERSTATEMENT it is. she is so wildly infatuated with him. she has come to rely upon his presence at her side. lately, it seems as if he is her every thought. and the tenderness he has shown her...

well, it would be impossible not to fall in love with him. she clears her throat. "so of course your opinions seem important. but you don't have to assure me. i know anything i might say is always kept SAFE with you."

@othunderous

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     she wants that too -- more than anything. the thought of all that awaits the both of them is so THRILLING. the chance to make memories with thor on every planet in the universe is within their grasp. nothing stands in their way, now.

thor's laughter shatters some of the sweetness. rey feels her eyebrows lift, and then her mouth drops open in surprise. "please," she laughs, "don't be insane! you're --" she cuts off abruptly, the sound of her laughter growing as thor starts poking at her. rey squirms under his hand, her legs kicking out without direction, trying to make contact with thor's shins. "STOP!" rey insists, breathless with laughter, "i'm not famous, honestly, thor, you --"

it all seems so ridiculous. she can't imagine anyone sounding like thor does now, even though she HAS acquired somewhat of a reputation since the war ended. it's nice to no longer be a fugitive, but will she enjoy what thor describes? it appears to be just as strange in its own way. a noise of indignation leaves her lips as her back hits the mattress; rey lifts a hand to push thor's face away half-heartedly. it's only a token protest -- she enjoys the way he pivots to kissing and biting lightly at her face and neck.

a content sigh leaves her lips between quick breaths and seemingly endless laughter. it's so WONDERFUL to have these moments with him. so amazing that she feels comfortable enough to express however she might feel, that he isn't deterred by the bubbling joy that overflows as she receives his affection. rey's certain the look on her face mirrors his, which is soft with naked love. just being on the receiving end of that expression fills her with warmth.

tenderly, she reaches out to brush her fingers along the corner of his smile. the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, each line in his handsome face... rey so APPRECIATES all of it. "you should know no one can charm me like you," she smiles. "and i doubt very much anyone would challenge thor, god of thunder, most awesome and fearsome avenger." leaning in to nudge their noses together, her eyes are bright. "you forget your own accomplishments. of which there are many, one more incredible than the next."

sometimes it still feels strange -- that he wants her. thor is teasing, but he IS more known, stronger, more revered. it has always been impressive: how helpful he is. how much good he has done. "i love you so much," rey sighs. "no matter how many galaxies i save, being married to you will always be my greatest accomplishment. you are so, so wonderful."

“anything is possible.”

thor has seen things far more perplexing than a mysteriously floating city.  just the thought brings a smile to his face.  their lives, for as taxing and, at times, tragic as they have been, are full of such wonder and magic.  quite simply, thor is happy — he’s happy that he gets to experience it all, and alongside someone he loves so dearly, so fiercely.  it’s the greatest gift he could have ever asked for.

holding her to him, fingers idly stroking through her mess of hair, he hums his acknowledgement.  “we can see all of them.  the universe is no longer in peril, as far as i know.  we have the time.  and i want to see all the places you’ve dreamt of, to make memories there with you.  and…”

pulling back just enough to look at her, he finds himself laughing again.  “yes, part of me is eager to see you revered as the hero you are.  you’ll have more admirers, now, than you ever thought possible.  what will it be like, traveling the galaxy now that everyone knows who you are?  earth, too.  you are properly famous now, my love.”

“not quite as universally famous as me, of course, but…”  slowly, one of his hands begins to descend her body.  the gentle prodding and tickling of his fingers meant to emphasize his words.  “rey of jakku: hero of the resistance, savior of the galaxy, the last known jedi.  what is it like, rey, to be as legendary as those who came before you?  is it true you singlehandedly defeated the evil palpatine and kylo ren?  how did you do it?  tell us, tell us everything!  we must know your secrets!”

by now, he’s up-ended the peace they’ve comfortably fallen into.  rey is flipped onto her back once more, thor’s roaming hands assisting in pressing all her soft spots whilst his mouth playfully nips at any skin he can reach.  her fingers, her wrists; he manages to press a flurry of kisses to her face amidst the chaos.  laughter fills the room — it sounds as tired as he still is, but the exhaustion only makes it more joyous, somehow.  their reluctance to let the fun end makes it all the more pure.

falling back onto his elbows, his eyes are crinkled and sparkling with adoration as his laughter slowly comes to a halt.  but his beaming smile remains as his head tilts to regard her.  thor exhales, the touch that finds her upper thigh much more relaxed and tender, now.  “so long as these admirers don’t find themselves feeling too bold.  i would hate,” he wouldn’t, “to have to remind them of their mortality should they… try to charm you, or something.”

[lightsiided]

     she doesn't look away from him, either, but smiles WIDELY as the sun begins to shine down on them. it's better than a physical gesture of affection, and it warms her from the inside out. rey lets the brightness remind her that nothing is ever so bad when thor is beside her. that they will face whatever comes together. "yes," she answers, squeezing his hand. "thank you, love."

it is an honest answer -- she does feel better, beneath the sun, around the flowers. it's one of the only things that has helped, these last few days. as soon as they step within reaching distance of the garden, each blue bud curves itself towards them until they're surrounded, as if they intend to lend their energy to rey through TOUCH. she glides her fingers over the petals with a sigh.

rey lets her eyes slide shut, tilting herself against thor. he is warm at her side, solid. some of the ache in her head clears as she focuses on the rise and fall of his chest, the ambient sounds of their yard. yet she can sense that something is on her husband's mind, and after a moment, she looks up at him curiously. her heart is so OPEN to him -- she always cherishes every thought he shares, every feeling, no matter how big or small. but this one tears her up inside.

she can still remember how his promises felt that afternoon on the resistance base. it was as if she had fallen deeply in love with him at that very moment. "thor," she starts softly. "listen to me. you can't think that way. there's no knowing what the future will bring -- what the signs are for." it is her greatest HOPE that all of this will build to nothing, a warning from the force that's ultimately misguided.

resting her hand on his chest, she tilts her chin up to look directly into the eyes she so adores. "and even if something terrible happens... you must know you have protected me completely. better than anyone ever could. you have kept my heart SAFE -- and that is the greatest gift i could ask for. i love you more than anything or anyone. i believe we will get through this. i only ask that you try not to be so hard on yourself."

“no.  i apologize.  if they do happen to have any useful insight… i would like to hear it.  i would like to speak with them, if they’ll have the both of us.”

thor’s steps are slow, and it’s only pale slithers of bright light that peak through the cover of clouds.  there is no threat of a thunderstorm, not right now, but the ground is still damp from the previous.  water still drips from the trees and petals of flowers.  the press of his boots into the soil is soft, not crunching beneath his weight.  at her request, without tearing his eyes from rey, the clouds above begin to part.

it is small, to start, but the blue beyond the grey peaks through.  it grows and grows, until golden sunlight shines over them.  it casts a glow through her hair — but also accentuates her paleness.  thor tries not to notice.

“is this helping?”  without awaiting an answer, he doesn’t break their pace; he walks her into the garden.  one hand leaves her waist to take her wrist, guiding it forward until her fingers brush against the tops of vibrant blue followers, nearly half her height.  one of his favorites.

gaze fixing downward, thor falls quiet.  the heaviness in his chest neither lightens nor dissipates; it simply remains.  he is hesitant, at first, to share his thoughts — but they did promise honesty to each other, did they not?  “do you remember when you first told me of your history with kylo ren?  we were still so new to one another… later, you told me you feared my reaction.  that i would judge you for sparing him, think less of you for choosing to remain hopeful, but i… i was falling in love with you.  nothing could have steered me away.”  and that truth will never change.  “i promised to protect you.  that was all i wanted; to keep you safe, to never let anyone harm you again.”

“this…”  feeling a tug at the corners of his mouth, trying to swallow the sad lump in his throat, “this feels like breaking that promise.  this feels like a — a warning that… that—“

[lightsiided]

     she's quiet, contemplating what he's shared. is it wrong, rey wonders, to be GRATEFUL to thor's brother? she is certainly glad he is with her here, now, even knowing the choice that was made to make it so... and what it cost. rey returns the sweet gesture of touching their noses, brushing her cheek against his. "that doesn't sound selfish to me," she murmurs gently. "it sounds like a selfless act of LOVE. a sacrifice for you, because he believed in you."

rey smiles as their eyes meet in the dark, hoping she has brought him some small amount of reassurance. she doesn't pretend to know what the right things to say are. thor has endured so much -- what could possibly comfort him? only more fighting awaits. this may be the last moments of PEACE they will have. as he speaks again, she is at first thrilled -- to hear he feels safe with her -- and then desolate again. she isn't sure she is ready to share the way she feels.

but experience has shown her it always feels better to say what's on her mind, even if it terrifies her. once the words are shared, they seem to lose the ability to HURT her. and maybe thor will understand how she feels. maybe he won't be frightened.

there is a new closeness between them. hesitantly, rey starts to speak with her voice low. "i... worry about going forward without leia," she admits. "losing luke was hard enough. so much of this is still new to me, and there has been no guide -- only me making guesses, trying to do my best. without leia's help... what if my best is WRONG? or not enough. or -- so many other things." she chews on the inside of her cheek. in the dark, her heart pounds. rey tries to focus on the evenness of thor's breaths, on the knowledge that she can trust him. she swallows. the next words out of her mouth are said even more quietly. "and i am ashamed. of how relieved i am to have kylo... gone. it's like -- it has been a weight lifted, not having him with me. but i know it's wrong, to feel such... there is no joy in this situation, i know."

rey's arm curls more tightly around him. she refuses to glance at his face, afraid of what she might find there. how can she feel relief after what thor has lost? it is too terrible a thought to share with her friends, who feel the grief of not having rose around. who miss chewie, kaydel, leia. what would SHE say if she knew how rey felt?

"i'm sorry." she clears her throat, fidgeting with the blanket that covers them. "it's just a lot on my mind. our war won't end just because kylo is gone. if anything, it feels like -- we have been given an opportunity, to do some damage while the worst of it is... i don't know. i am trying to be POSITIVE about it, but it's hard. it all just feels very... hard." for so long she has grit her teeth and soldiered on, even in the worst conditions. having to do so again, now, when both thor and her own galaxy need her seems so... daunting.

everything she says is right.  it doesn’t sound unlike what he would say, if it were rey who had been in his position in their time apart.  thor would say she can’t possibly expect to be the sole protector of the universe, and not every failing can reasonably be her fault.  neglecting to be selfish when necessary and take care of herself certainly won’t save anyone — nor bring anyone back.  and those who are gone… they wouldn’t want to see it.  they wouldn’t want to watch the ones who remain spiral at the mere prospect of further damage.  it is in times of insurmountable pain that holding steadily to hope is most important.

logically, thor knows that she is right.  but the heart is not always logical, especially after such tragedy.

at the mention of loki, a smile shines through the darkness.  even better: it is accompanied by a laugh.  thor rubs lovingly at rey’s shoulder, eyeing the motion, as he gently shakes the both of them with his amusement.  “at the very, very least,” he repeats in agreement.  “loki…  to their core, they were a selfish being.  they didn’t care for the — countless lives across the universe that were at stake.  they wouldn’t risk their own to try and undo what has happened.”

“it is why they aren’t here now.”  though his smile smooths, now, the love is still apparent in his voice.  thor sighs.  “at least, i believe so.  how could i not?  a selfless person would never have…  would never have given thanos the stone, knowing the cost.  but then i would not be here, with you.”  inching his head closer along the pillows, he brushes the tips of their noses together, his gaze vacant and sorrowful, for the moment.  “my life or the universe.  he threw everyone else to the wolves to save me.  i am very doubtful he would even be having this conversation.”

that is what they must fight for.  the sacrifice of everyone who didn’t get to make it this far.  everyone whose lives were mercilessly taken at random.  to his own surprise, listening to her, sharing his thoughts and feelings — it does help to steady the wavering flame of determination.  and she is right (again); they will be doing it together.

to have rey by his side through all of this, he is eternally grateful.

but some of the provided comfort tempers after he falls quiet.  amongst the darkness & the silence, his hand continues to stroke her arm, and thor’s eyes lift to catch hers.  much of what they’ve discussed since she landed has been about him, his loss, his pain.  he won’t pretend not to understand why: it is a lot.  more than any one person should have to endure.  but he is not the only one suffering.

“i will get rest.  i promise you.  i will — we all will need to be at our absolute best for all that comes next.  and i have you, now.  i feel... safer… than i have in too long.  but i don’t want to let myself drift off without offering you the same chance to speak your mind.  i know i can share anything with you.  i want you to do the same with me.  if you are ready to.”

[lightsiided]

     "i don't know what you mean," she says petulantly, taking the clothes from thor and pulling them on. "i've never made that face in my LIFE." rey scowls at nothing as soon as she's dressed, then moves dutifully to address her hair, pulling it back off her face. he has a point, she supposes. no amount of stalling or frowning will make this day pass faster. they are here to complete a task, and they must, and they will. then they will board the ship again and return home. successful. proud.

hopefully unchanged.

it is their duty, and at one point in time, any duty at all was something she had longed for. this life is a GIFT, she knows, even when it comes with unfortunate missions. rey sighs, then nods. she watches thor as he steps closer, taking one final moment to admire his body before it is covered. "i know. thank you. i love you." he has done all he can to help her make her peace with the mission. now it's time to be brave.

she lifts her hand to squeeze his fingers where they rest on her arm, then watches him go. the room is QUIET without thor, and she absently tidies the mess they've left before sitting at the edge of the bed. rey shuts her eyes, taking a moment to silently plead with the jedi of old -- or anyone who might be listening. please. protect us.

there is a final sigh as she scrubs her hands over her face. then, she rises and follows the path thor had taken to the cockpit. knowing all she needs to do in THIS moment is land the ship brings a small amount of comfort -- she can do that easily. rey shoots her beloved a small smile as she slides into the captain's position.

predictably, the atmosphere over moraband is turbulent. "it might get a bit bumpy, darling," she tells thor, checking the computer for a path around what looks like storm clouds. the falcon beeps at her insistently until she swerves around an asteroid belt, then back through a pocket of wind that rattles the ship. flicking some switches on the dash, she waits until they've descended enough to see the planet's surface to engage the landing gear. the falcon shakes precariously as they get closer and closer to the ground; rey can feel the walls wobble around them as she pulls up on the controls. in a minute, they land heavily -- off her target, but safely, and without any damage she's immediately aware of. she exhales, slowly releasing the white-knuckled grip she had on the controls.

at once, a heavy sense of dread seems to press down on her shoulders, her chest. the energy outside already feels thick, weighted. OPPRESSIVE, terrible. rey blinks, taking a reflexive step back from the console. she peers out the viewport, as if she might somehow see a physical manifestation of the dark side. but there is only moraband and its inconspicuous landscape. "well," she murmurs, clicking her saber onto her belt. "let's get this over with."

"my love," he says almost absently as he rummages through their clothes, "if you were capable of something so convenient and hid it from me all these years... i would be very disappointed."

thor sifts through the warmer clothes, grabbing a thin tunic with short sleeves and the pants that fall just below rey's knees.  turning from the locker, he holds her clothes out to her.  likewise, even before his hand is freed, he begins to pull from the locker what he usually wears.  pleather pants and top, that will be hidden beneath his armor.  catching her movement from the corner of his eye, rather than leaving the room as he'd intended, he steps toward rey.  similarly, he drops his bundle of clothes to the floor --- careful to avoid the water he'd carelessly tracked in --- and retrieves her towel.

"you may not be doing that thing with your mouth," as he speaks, he begins to dry himself off, "you know the one.  when you push your lip forward and look up at me with your big, sad, sparkling eyes in a way that gets you anything you ask for---"  there is a hint of smugness in his tone, but it's mostly forced.  levity is her go - to when faced with inconvenience.  thor knows that; isn't his duty to play along?  "---but you are still pouting.  it will not make the day pass any faster, and it will not, somehow, force this task into someone else's hands."

after lazily running the towel over his head, he tosses it aside, reaches once more for the clothes he's picked for himself.  he sighs as he holds his pants out before him.  before stepping into them, his head tilts, and he eyes his wife with sympathy, taking another step closer.  "this is your last chance to feel all that you wish to feel.  take a moment, if you must.  you know i wish you could give you more, but...  this is the mission, and it is here, and we have no choice but to see it to its completion.  once you make your way to the cockpit, it begins, and there will be no opportunity to let our frustrations be our focus."

a hand lifts to place a reassuring touch on her upper arm.  if it were up to him, neither of them would have to do this.  there would be no need to make room for their feelings, their upset at the situation; the situation wouldn't exist.  thor hates that he can't allow her more time to sit with it all.  lingering in her space another moment, exhaling, he steps away and begins to dress himself.

"more importantly...  leaving me to handle the landing is, i would imagine, a potentially dangerous decision.  more so than what awaits on moraband.  if i am left with no choice..."  fastening the button at his waist, thor shrugs, opting to carry his top with him as he leaves the quarters.

"meet me when you're ready."

[lightsiided]

     They've both become important resources to the Resistance -- in their own way. Finn is so capable, so helpful, that it hardly SURPRISES her his skills are frequently in demand. But she does miss him, when the others have a need of him that pulls him away from her and her tasks. It feels like they've hardly had a chance to uncover what might be possible for them to achieve together.

"You're never not NEEDED with me," Rey assures him. "If it were my decision, we would do this much more often. You're just needed elsewhere too frequently, it seems." Nudging her shoulder into his, she nods at a blinking light, encouraging Finn to flip the switch beneath it. "Poe has been hogging you, a bit. Not that I blame him."

Finn can feel it -- the way she re-centers herself so easily. He's almost jealous as he feels far too often plagued with his anxieties. Watching her does give him a small reprieve from it though. Something inside of him reminding him that everything would be okay.

"It does." Finn nodded at her comment. "And often it feels like we're being pulled in different directions." Rey was more important. More powerful. While Finn had shown some force sensitivity, he was nothing like Rey. She was a natural -- as if the force itself ran through her blood. "So it's nice to be needed with you this time around."

[lightsiided]

Rey of sunshine!

[lightsiided]

     she supposes he has a point. constantly, it seems, rey is surprised by what is POSSIBLE in the universe. why should this be any different? still... "but if the story is true -- that thanos left his daughter in the same place that clint..." rey trails off, clearing her throat to dispel the lump within it. "why wouldn't he bring her back when he used the stones? if he loves her so." just to debate the merits of it here, in front of everyone, seems insensitive. rey can feel the discomfort, the sadness. it weighs on every inch of her; the rest of their emotions are so loud. it even feels as if thor is screaming his exasperation to them, though she knows, rationally, his voice is level.

the silence that settles around them, then, is pointed. she dips her chin, letting her hair fall in front of her face. it is so UNFAIR. the blame is on all of them, in a way -- they rushed the mission without thinking through complications like this first. should they have done more research? should they have planned for this?

looking up quickly as soon as thor stands, rey winces, silently watching him rush forward. it is the natural escalation of his pain. just as she thinks to intervene, she sees the expression on tony's face -- even, level. he doesn't need anyone's help. for a moment, rey is grateful it is HIM trying to talk sense into thor, and not her... though her relief is short lived.

their eyes lock. rey can't stop her throat from tightening, from tears welling up again. having thor plead for someone -- anyone -- her -- to tell him natasha isn't GONE is heartbreaking enough on its own. but it hurts worse to think thor is disappointed in her, that she should be holding tightly to this misplaced hope right alongside him.

her inhale is shaky; she extends a hand to reach out to him. "thor," rey starts quietly. "no one is giving up. we ALL have hope for the plan." hope that it will work as intended despite the odds, hope that they will somehow be able to undo what has been done. natasha felt that hope, too, she knows. she believed in the plan; they can't abandon it now. "we have the stones. that is the light in this darkness."

rey can't help but to fear where his thoughts might go, otherwise. she can sense her own mind wandering there, too. what is the point of doing this without natasha? she had been PART of their light, these last few years. she was a light to too many. "i want to believe there is a chance for natasha as much as you. we all want that. and i know it's not fair, but -- she did what she did because she believed we could win. so we can't stray from the plan."

they will find a way to honor her memory, as they have with the others that were lost. yet another loss the universe is asking thor to grieve... but hopefully the last. hopefully they will see the tides turn as they DESERVE. they are all due some good news. some hope.

and the stones are here. they succeeded, despite the cost. cautiously, she sneaks a glance over at steve. "maybe we should divide and conquer the tasks that are to be done." surely at least some of them seek a distraction. rey knows she does. sitting and thinking of natasha for too long will topple her, otherwise, and make her a hypocrite. she will be unable to focus on the plan if she spends too much time dwelling on all of this. it must be dealt with LATER.

thor’s head shakes and dips to shroud the frustration that passes through him.  that clint hasn’t any idea what he is talking about is a notion he bites his tongue to keep from speaking.  instead, he tries to focus on how they can, possibly, undo what has happened.

“i do not doubt that one must make a great sacrifice in order to secure something of such power.”  full of effort, thor keeps his tone even.  “but what is done can be undone.  are we not proving that by all we’ve accomplished just today?  that is our very mission — to undo thanos’s devastation.  why must bringing natasha back be outside the realm of possibility? norns—“ here, he sighs, unable to contain the small slip of exasperation, “we have just traveled through time!  we have done the unthinkable!”

if he considered all of them long enough, thor could feel the discomfort in everyone around him.  somewhere within him, he would understand why; this news is hard enough.  they don’t need to shoulder his emotions atop all of it.  but he is so tired of losing people he loves… so tired of fate insisting on dragging him down.  he can’t bring himself to be considerate, because that would mean succumbing to the sadness.

anger is easier.  anger is better.

but they continue on, and leave him to it alone.  “she might,” steve says, his voice low as he tries to keep it smooth, free of shaking.  “she’s been all over… right?  she must’ve heard something about him.”

“we already have someone who’ll know all about it,” tony chimes in.  it is rare, for him to treat something seriously, as far as thor knows.  to see him devoid of his usual jokes is almost uncanny.  “nebula.  thanos was at this for years — if anyone will know, it’s his daughter.”

“i’m telling you…”  clint’s trembling voice threatens what little resolve thor has.  he tries to focus on the rhythm of his fingers, stroking gently over rey’s knuckles.  “we don’t need to go ask anybody else.  i was there, i saw it and…”  clint sighs, and if thor would turn to look at him, he would see a tear streak on his face.  one to match the faces of everyone else.  “nebula said thanos killed her sister there.  and while we — while we argued over who was gonna bite the big one, even natasha said it.  thanos leaving with the stone, without his other daughter, could only mean one thing.”

silence sweeps through each avenger, and thor knows what it means.  that’s it; that’s the end.  they’re accepting it.  he chances a glance up at rey again, and seeing anything but the hope he desperately clings to is almost enough to topple him.  this isn’t right, and he doesn’t understand why only he — the irony of which is not lost on him — wants to remain optimistic.  it’s so quiet, he can hear the gently moving water of the river, the barely present rustle of leaves in the wind, and even the brush of his skin against rey’s.

tony’s voice breaks through it.  “do we know if she had family?”

that shatters thor’s resolve.  he releases rey, stands, almost misses steve’s voice over the sound of his own blood rushing: “yeah.  us.”  turning, he steps forward and only brings himself to a stop once he’s close enough to tony to touch.  “what?  what are you doing?”  

but tony doesn’t shrink from being on the receiving end of thor’s ire.  his voice and his demeanor remain even, neutral.  “i’m just asking a question.”

“why are you acting like she’s dead?”  in an instant, thor’s upset grows, his voice drowning out all else.  panic comes to life in his chest — biting, burning, frightening.  they are all wrong.  they have to be.  “why are all of you acting like she’s dead?”  briefly, his eyes pass over rey; the hurt is, for but a second, more visible than the false rage.  “we have the stones.  we can bring her back.  what do you not understand?  we’re the avengers.  it’s our duty—“

looking between all of them, he cuts himself off, sighs in frustration.  so close… they’d come so close to executing the plan flawlessly.  why must all go wrong?  why must victory always come with such a high price?  why is it that the very moment he dares to let himself hope, it is crushed?

“after five years—” he strains, and now he is looking directly at rey.  some of his frustration gives way to something worse: pleading.  “— of trying to convince me to have hope, that looking for the light in darkness is how we press forward, here you are, giving up?  i don’t understand.”

[lightsiided]

     First, there is another noise of distress. It is WHOLLY unpleasant, and her face scrunches with distaste -- distaste that transforms into indigence as soon as Loki appears and she realizes she has become the target of a trick.

"Ugh," she starts, but before there's time to say more, there is a glass of milk in her hand. Again she drinks without thinking, but fortunately for her it's cooling instead of even spicier. Rey swallows the entirety of it, setting the glass down and blinking in surprise when she finds the kitchen table is now covered with a variety of other treats. All seem to have the purpose of fighting the TASTE in her throat.

She coughs, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Why," Rey asks, voice filled with disgust, "Would you ever do that?" Her face is still warm and flushed, and she can feel sweat bead at her temples. Eager to flush the feeling further, she reaches for one of the bowls on the table and spoons ice cream into her mouth. The experience isn't one she can say she's had before -- most of the food she's familiar with is woefully BLAND, her stomach is quick to remind her.

"Thor isn't home," Rey explains, as she starts to process what Loki has actually said. "We needed some things from the market -- and I hadn't eaten." Hence the ALLURE of the muffins.

Life with a toddler and a new baby has proven DIFFICULT. It is an adjustment, having two children at home. They always seem to be scrambling to fix something; if it isn't one child crying or hungry it is the other. She can't imagine how much more chaotic things will be once there is another -- though perhaps they won't have to worry about that for some time.

Setting the bowl down, she sticks out her tongue, shaking her head before reaching for another glass filled with water. "No, it feels awful. I don't understand why you would find this funny." Again, Rey drinks the entirety of it in one go. "Are you sure this is supposed to HELP?"

@lightsiided continued from here

Anyone who had thought that becoming the God of Stories would dampen Loki’s tendency for mischief is a moron. Granted, his opportunities for trickery, assuming he keeps to his self-imposed rules of non-interference, are minimal. But there is still amusement to be found in watching the mischief of others on the timelines, and when he gets the chance to create some for himself, the god grasps the opportunity with both hands. And after so long without Loki in his life, Thor was practically begging to be pranked.

The thunderer is gullible at the best of times – that goes without saying – but domesticity has softened his strength and dulled his wits just enough that he is sure to fall for tricks he might previously have grown wise to. Which makes this a perfect opportunity to revisit some of the highlights from their childhood.

It is the work of a mere moment to cast a duplicate into his brother’s home, selecting a time when the kitchen is unoccupied, and summon a selection of baked goods onto the counter. With a flare of green, the secret ingredient is added. Now he simply needs to wait.

Except he hadn’t banked on Rey finding them first.

While the god to settles himself back into his physical body in Yggdrasil, his sister-in-law has discovers the spiked goods, selects the one she deems most appetising, and lifts it to her mouth.

The God of Stories forcefully flings his magic out from his throne and into the timeline, a curse on his lips as a duplicate materialises in the kitchen across from her. He can’t go back, can’t alter things that have already happened – not even for something like this will Loki break his one rule – but perhaps he can stop her from eating the cursed thing.

Alas.

In the time it takes the trickster to cast the spell, Rey has taken a bite of the muffin, spitting it back out onto the table with a look of confused horror, water gathering in her eyes as her mind tries to catch up with the sensations on her tongue. Shit shit shit shit. 

“Shit! Rey – here; this will help.” Fingers twist to summon a glass of cool goat's milk, pressing it into her hand and encouraging her to lift it to her mouth. “You’re fine, I promise you’re fine – it’s just pepper.” Shit, what else will help? Cream? Ice? Iced fruits? Iced cream? Yoghurt? With a wave of his hand, Loki summons them all, covering the tabletop with remedies and disposing of the muffins in one spell. “It was just a prank on Thor, you weren’t meant to find them first!” The God pushes the gathered foods close to his sister-in-law, encouraging her to select whichever she likes. “How are you feeling now? Any better? Thor is going to fucking kill me for this – and I’ll actually deserve it this time.”

[lightsiided]

     "you haven't slept?" concern and surprise find her voice. she knows thor is strong, but surely this is too much. gently, rey lifts her hand to his cheek. "you know you can't save anyone if you don't take care of yourself, right? even YOU have to rest eventually." thumb stroking back and forth over his beard, she tries her best to be only a comfort to him -- though rey knows well the emotions he describes.

it is impossible to go a moment without thinking about what has happened. every beat of silence reminds her acutely of all she has lost. every smile, every fleeting moment of joy she feels... it all worsens her GUILT. of course thor cannot bear to rest, either, even as wonderful as it is to be bundled up in the warm bed together.

the low roll of thunder is clear in the quiet of the room. rey holds her breath a beat too long, then exhales softly. she lets her hand trail down his shoulder to his arm for a squeeze. "there is no need to fear that," rey assures him. "because we WILL find him. there is no where he can hide from us. and when we find him, he will pay for what he's done." she doesn't dare consider the possibility that they might not be able to REVERSE the damage that has been caused. it has to work -- if the stones could be used to do what they did, they must also be able to undo what has happened. they must.

"and as certain as i am of that... i wish for you to be kind to yourself." she can practically feel thor blaming himself for their loss, as if responsibility for the entire universe rests solely on his shoulders. it makes her ache to see it -- how angry, sad and disappointed he is. "try to remember to hold onto your HOPE. i know it's hard... but all we can do is take what happens next a moment at a time. we haven't found him yet, but we will. you can't worry over what will happen if we don't; it will consume you."

thanos has taken much from all of them, yet rey knows the price thor has had to pay was unfairly high. even now, she can't help but to marvel at the injustice of it all. he is so kind -- so GOOD. does he deserve to lose his home, his family and friends? of course he is angry. she is angry for him. "from what you've told me about your brother, i think he would agree with me. about staying focused, at the very least. we have a plan -- that's not nothing. there is a path forward, here. and no matter what, i'll be right beside you. the entire time, i promise. neither of us will have to do any of this ALONE."

only slightly unwinding from one another, thor abandons the gentle kisses he presses to her neck & the admiration of their reflection to lay in bed.  he pulls the covers up over the both of them, and accepts her into his space with ease.  curling his arms around her, he holds her snugly against him, exhaling a seemingly long held breath as they relax, and he feels the tender brush of her nose against him.  finally, finally, his body has come to a stop.

exhaustion doesn’t do what he feels justice.  thor is more tired than he ever has been in his life — not only from lack of sleep.  life, as of late, has been one fight after another.  one loss after another.  so much death, and blood, and destruction.  more than once has found himself wondering how the hel, in his younger years, this was the very thing he so desperately sought after.  war, the fight.  it is all so terrible, and yet he’d coveted it.

the shame that knowledge brings cannot be overstated.

“my mind has been weighed with a million thoughts since i met my sister.”  the whisper of his voice comes after a long stretch of silence.  one hand idly strokes at the few, short loose hairs on the back of rey’s neck.  it’s as much to comfort her as it is him.  “sleeping would probably help, but…”  looking down at her, the caution on his face is clear.

he can tell rey anything.  he knows that.  there is no one he feels more comfortable being vulnerable with.  it doesn’t always make the thoughts easier to share.

“… i’ve not slept.  not since i was on sakaar.”  how long has it been since then?  days?  a week?  even longer?  a finger trails lightly over her finished braid, then traces along the curve of her jaw.  (just as much for her as it is him.)  “once we had made it back to asgard, there was no time for rest.  my people needed to be saved.  a fight had to ensue.  and the fighting never ceased.  i had to fight when thanos attacked.  i had to fight to make it to nidavellir.  now that it is all over…  now that we have lost…  i fear what i may see when i close my eyes.”

“having you in my arms, now, i cannot deny — just how tired i am.”  it has shown in his eyes from the moment she so graciously broke into the compound.  it was obvious before then.  continuing to resist it, now that thor feels safe and comfortable, becomes increasingly difficult.

silence falls like an extra blanket over them.  slowly, it becomes less warm and serene like the actual covers they are tucked beneath; pondering further everything that he has held back for so long brings with it a new wave of pain.  amongst the hush, it is all the more pronounce: far away, thunder rumbles.

so much for leaving their worries to the morning.

“he killed my brother.”  even with nearly no other sound to overpower it, thor’s voice barely sounds between them.  his hold on her tightens.  he clings to her, in more ways than one.  “i also fear what will happen if we don’t find him.”

[lightsiided]

     rey laughs, letting her nose wrinkle beneath thor's kiss. he has a POINT. it is nice, how well he knows her. wonderful, really. he is effortless at relaxing her, at taking her mind off what troubles her. her worries always seem to fade into the back of her mind when thor is around to distract her. "i understand," she returns, playfully exasperated. "and i do enjoy it. i guess i just hope you know you don't always have to cheer me up." her lips twitch as she fights the urge for her smile to widen. "much as i approve of your methods."

again and again their lips meet, driving the last of her worries from her mind. for a moment, rey lets herself pretend they are simply preparing for any usual day -- that they are stealing a moment of privacy from finn and poe, or on their way to meet rose. the affection is typical of their morning routine; it is easy to lose herself in the FANTASY of a mundane day at home. even the motion of thor half-heartedly drying her hair for her is familiar, as is the way she swats at his hands, only to instantly calm when he holds her face still.

"you should be sorry," rey murmurs. "i like that one. i expect that you will MEND IT when we return home." he is simply too sweet to leave be; she leans forward to bite at his fingers, then finally takes the towel from him to finish drying herself off. as thor walks through the halls, completely naked, she sighs wistfully -- eyeing him until he is out of sight. unfortunately, even the image of each of thor's wonderfully beautiful muscles flexing with every step isn't enough to temper her distaste for the idea of landing.

after a moment, rey follows him out of the room, wrapping the towel around her and tucking it beneath her arms. all their clothes are in the captain's quarters, and it's there that she finds thor searching for another outfit for her to wear. she turns instead to the mirror to braid her wet hair out of her face, pulling it back off her forehead. "surely we could circle the atmosphere instead," rey suggests. "and i could find the sword in the force. and we could pull it up through the cargo hatch, and head back without ever landing AT ALL."

if only. rey twists her braid into a bun, securing it behind her head. then she moves towards the bed, letting the towel she'd been holding fall to the floor. the desire to pout is strong, but perhaps thor is right. perhaps this won't be nearly as bad as she assumes it will. luke lived to tell the tale of his visit, after all -- and the sooner they land, the sooner they will be able to leave. as she looks at her hands, trying not to be too anxious, rey reminds herself she has faced no small number of TERRIBLE threats. it was she who bested kylo ren, after all, and destroyed the first and final order. it was she who fought in the battle of earth, she who never quit. she can't start now.

“i assume that means i did my part well.  i always take it as a very high compliment; when all you can say is ‘wow.’”

though thor returns her kiss, happily, the sound of his laughter only adds to their inelegance.  without a second of hesitation he wraps an arm around her and pulls her close, holding her firmly against him.  still, albeit awkward with their positions, his mouth presses to hers in quick pecks until she pulls them apart.  his free hand presses fingers to her shoulder, crawling along until he’s at her wrist — carefully, he wraps that arm around him, too.

“unsettling?  no,” he drawls, rising slowly to his feet and carrying rey with him.  the simple affection of her hand on his face, running through his hair fills him with warmth.  and he knows it isn’t the pelting water above that has long since cooled.  “endearing?  charming?  perhaps touching?”  between each word, he presses a kiss to the tip of her nose.  his smile only grows and grows.  “i know what relaxes you.  it’s quite simple, really.  and making you feel good —— is as much for me as it is you.  i’m sure you understand.”

in more ways than just their physical intimacy, but rey knows.  later, when they will be bringing home less joy and more pain with them, there are other methods he is prepared to use.  anything that may bring a smile to her face.  anything that may even remotely lighten the load of her burdens.  bringing tea out to her while she sits in their garden; cooking soup in the evening for both comfort and warmth; lighting candles and running a bath with fallen petals in the water.  he knows because he pays attention — he pays attention because her happiness is of the utmost importance to him, and he knows he is her priority as well.

but he understands why, still, it surprises her.  sometimes, he finds it difficult to believe his fortune, too.

reaching behind her to at last turn the water off, thor takes his time in stepping out, carrying her along with him.  his lips find hers again as she is lowered to the floor, reluctant to pull away.  when he does find the will to pull them apart, unwinding his arm from around her waist, his hand lifts —— thor’s index finger presses to her nose, drags along the curve of her lips with an adoring smile.  only then does he turn to retrieve a towel for her.

“here,” he says, swinging it around her to lazily begin drying her hair.  mostly, he only makes a mess atop her head and leaves the towel draped around her shoulders, but he makes up for it by cupping her face in both his hands.  for a moment, his thumbs stroke her skin.  “i am going to get you a new pair of clothes —— i sincerely apologize for tearing your first outfit.”  it isn’t sincere at all.  pulling away, dripping water with each step he takes, he turns from the refresher and begins walking through the halls.

“and then we shall prepare for landing.”

[lightsiided]

     gently, her eyes slip shut. rey lets herself enjoy every bit of comfort the motions of thor's hands bring, a smile finding her face as she pictures the scene he describes. it is sweet to imagine thor, as a boy, wanting only to give his mother a gift. it is an unsurprising explanation; he is so THOUGHTFUL.

as he finishes up, rey's quick to find her place against his chest, squeezing his fingers with answering affection. "thank you for sharing it with me," rey murmurs, opening her eyes to glance back at him. "i think she would feel you've done it JUSTICE."

somehow the story has managed to endear her to him even more. rey finds herself smiling as her eyes too follow the path of their hands, interlocked at her side. they fit together so PERFECTLY -- it is a wonder. she can't recall a time she has ever been so comfortable.

at thor's urging, rey's gaze shifts to the mirror; then, she echoes his laugh. they are a vision together, for all that she can see in the dim light of the room. he looms largely over her, but she's happy to feel so safe in his arms. it is a feeling she hasn't been all that familiar with, especially lately. her eyes linger on the braid that holds her hair off her face. yet another way their lives are connected, now. she is so GRATEFUL.

"yes, i think we look very nice together." her hand extends to slide down his arm, fingers lovingly admiring every dip of muscle marking his bicep. "a perfectly PRETTY couple." despite the levity in her voice, rey's next glance into the mirror is shy. held this way, with thor's lips at her throat, it's easy to find a new appreciation for the freckles she's long hated and the previously-embarrassing wideness of her smile. thor finds it adorable, after all. she should, too.

with a final squeeze, she nods, untangling herself slightly from him so that they might be able to find their way under the covers together. absently, rey can sense the rest of the building doing the same. the force signatures that had been so active before are all settled, now -- and their sadness is sharper, more pronounced. everyone seems to be preoccupied with their own thoughts. rey sighs, reaching out for thor to pull herself closer and get COMFORTABLE amongst the pillows. as they settle, she lifts a hand to extinguish the last of the light through the force.

"this is a very nice bed," she murmurs. much finer than anything they have at the resistance base, to say nothing about the man that shares it with her. "i hope you'll be able to get some sleep. you must be EXHAUSTED." rey herself has a bone-deep tiredness, the kind that even a night's rest is rarely able to abate. yet her worrying, her guilt -- her grief for leia and rose and chewie and all the others -- make the idea of falling asleep with thor seem impossible. rey tucks her face in towards his chest, letting her nose brush warm skin. "anything on your mind? you can talk to me."

"hm... i don't know that i would say fast friends."

certainly, there was friction in the very beginning.  the days spent at the whim of her more unsavory impulses.  still, he can recall feeling the burn in the flesh of his neck, coursing through his veins; the dreaded beep of the device that commanded what had embedded in his skin.  thinking back on it now, thor almost winces.  but relatively, they had gone from enemies to allies in no time at all.  none of this, though, he can relay without triggering concern — thor decides not to share his thoughts.

"i must be honest with myself and say she must have thought me a bumbling fool.  but that is no matter; she could never understand."  thor is applying the finishing touches to her braid as she continues.  the look on his face turns from reflective to soft.  "you needn't fear any longer.  i am here.  you are here, with me.  we no longer must tredge through this — awful time alone.  we carry on, together."  repeating her promise, his voice lowers, its depth nestling in his chest.  dropping his arms, they wind around her waist to pull her close to him.  rey's back presses fully to his bare front, and he rests his chin to her shoulder.  together.  thor sighs, eyes closing, savoring her warmth and the comfort that simple fact brings.

"well," reaching for her hand to pull it away from his arm, he settles them in her lap.  "yes and no.  it is a braid my mother favored.  sometimes, she would don a different one, but i'd seen her wear this one in the evenings more times than anyone could count.  so, it is familiar to me — but i suppose it being hers makes it vanir in origin, not aesir.  i have to imagine she had been wearing it this way long before she became asgard's queen."

"when i was a boy, i'd asked her to show me how to braid her hair.  i wanted to do something nice for her — even if it was a task as simple as this.  and i had done so a handful of times, i think, throughout the centuries."  quieting, the nostalgia is evident in his voice. thor's gaze turns vacant as he stares at his & rey's joined hands.  mindlessly, his fingers fidget with hers.  he is lost in the thought of memories for a moment.  "if it has a more intriguing story, i do not remember it.  i wish i could ask her to remind me."

flipping their palms, thor watches as the spaces between her fingers are filled with his.  everything about her is so small in comparison.  she fits perfectly within every dip and curve of his body.  more than that — she has seamlessly become a part of him.  it seems almost fantastical that he has been fortunate enough to find this.  he is eternally grateful.

despite the slightest pinch of longing in his chest, thor groans contentedly, looking up to scan the dim room.  along the wall opposite the bed is the dresser and its accompanying mirror.  thor nudges her with his chin, tilts his head and its direction once.  they aren't very close to their reflections, and it is amongst the shadows — he can see clearly enough.  himself, wrapped lovingly around her, and her, kept safe in his arms.  he can't help the laugh that follows, nor the urge to inch forward and press kisses to her cheek and ear.

"i think you look adorable, if i do say so myself."  in between kisses, he nuzzles her jaw, eyes sliding to a close in appreciation.  "are you ready to retire to bed?"