#and again I am Jewish so I’m allowed to make my jokes

[thegreenmeridian]

I turn up last night at the Chabad rabbi’s house. There’s security cameras everywhere, Securitas stickers in the window. I wonder if they’ve ever had to press their panic button.

As I’m waiting for someone to come to the door, another guest arrives. He’s about my age, upsettingly handsome, and Israeli. I tell him it’s my first ever Shabbat, and he says he’ll talk me through everything as we go along.

The rabbi’s wife has me braiding challah alongside her 10 year old daughter and the Israeli. I think about how many generations back it was that someone from my family did this.

More people arrive. A tourist couple, a middle aged husband and wife from America. We chat about where they’ve been so far and joke about how bad Olafsvík smells because of the dried fish factory there.

Next is some young Haredi guys. I wonder how walking around Iceland dressed as they dress has been for them, if anyone has harassed them. We chat about where we’ve been in the world and why they came to Iceland (they’re in yeshiva in New York, they saw cheap flights on an Icelandic budget airline and thought why the hell not).

More people trickle in. Some American students, freshly graduated (did they get screamed at by their peers? Were they allowed to move freely around campus?).

A Ukrainian refugee, her family’s from the same area as the American guy’s family. His grandma was the only survivor of a pogrom, hers one of the only survivors of the holocaust.

Then the rabbi comes, and the Israeli guy hands me a siddur and in a low voice explains to me what to do, what to read. Says it’s no pressure, Chabad prayers can be quite a lot. I’m standing to one side because I feel like I’m not allowed to be fully involved, new to this as I am, but one of rabbi’s kids is running around so we move into the group that’s gathered around the little alter (it bothers me that I don’t know the name of this, or the words everyone else is singing and chanting and mumbling). I feel something land on the back of my head - as he’s rocking and praying, the rabbi has grabbed a kippah from the pile on the table and plopped it on my head.

Prayers end, I still have no idea what was going on but I felt something all the same. We sit to eat, and I’m next to the Israeli, who’s next to the rabbi. As the rabbi says prayers in Hebrew, his wife opposite me explains quietly what’s going on. When it comes time to wash our hands, she teaches me how to say the blessing.

The food is amazing. Hummus and tagine and soup and all sorts of other bits and pieces. The challah I braided is soft and fluffy, and even tastier when it’s soaked up a little of the baba ganoush and olive oil on my plate. I think about how if I tell my friends what sort of dishes were served here, the words “cultural appropriation” might come up.

I talk to everyone at some point or another. The Israeli guy is here working in the tourist industry, the rabbi’s wife has British family and grew up in a Nordic country. The American guy is a doctor at a teaching hospital near a campus, he’s had people picket his hospital.

The graduate women are laughing at Iceland having a TGI Fridays in between casually talking about other students throwing things at them.

At one point, some asks me what my first Shabbat has been like for me, and I say it feels like coming home. The Israeli puts his arm around me and says “welcome back, brother”. The Haredi guys tell me that a Jewish life is a joyous life.

I take off my new kippah and put it in my pocket when I leave.

And then today. I arrive for morning prayers, I meet new people, the rabbi’s toddler son clings to my leg as his wife makes me a coffee while explaining how that’s done on Shabbat. Her grandma converted at 18, her grandfather was a secular son of survivors who became religious again after meeting her. She told a story last night about her grandfather, an elderly and highly esteemed professor of history who refuses to retire, having someone get up in his face while he was getting the bus home and pointing their phone camera at his face.

The Israeli guy had to head back to where he lives (also out in the country, not far from me by Icelandic standards) so he’s not here today, but there’s my Haredi friends from last night, as well as some new people. An American who’s been here since the 80s, a European guy (Spanish, I think I heard him say, and I wonder if my possibly Sephardic family and his may have known each other half a millennia ago), and all of the rabbi’s kids are awake. They’d flown in from Sweden yesterday morning so most of them were asleep.

There’s prayers again, I don’t know what’s being said, I am only vaguely following along in the Siddur. Most of the men rock and sway as they pray, I’m aware of this being a thing Jews do but not why. I add it to my ever growing mental list of things to look up later. I feel my body want to join in, but I feel like I’m not allowed.

The Torah portion this week is from Leviticus, and I have a moment of being uncomfortably aware of who I am as the rabbi, albeit briefly, touches on the bit about unnatural relationships. He shook my hand, I’m included in the prayers, so they see me as a man. I’m certain they don’t know what sort of man I am. That’s a conflict with myself and this culture and religion that I’m gonna have to deal with eventually, but not now. Now, I push it aside and listen to the discussion on our obligations to each other as people, and how Torah law is similar to and differs from general Western law. I listen to the doctor talk about performing CPR on someone who he saw collapse. I wasn’t raised Christian but I still expect the words “Good Samaritan” to come up. I’m not sure how that makes me feel.

And then, more food. More food, more discussions, more people coming in. Another American who lives local, a couple I don’t get the chance to speak to, but I think at least one of them has an Icelandic accent. The rabbi’s wife points me out to people and tells them where I live. My kippah slides from my shaved head as I turn to talk to someone else, it would be embarrassing if I hadn’t seen someone else’s fall off not that long ago.

People filter out, and a group of tourists arrive. IDF guys on leave, they’ve just finished the ring road tour. We drink a toast with them. One of the Haredi guys has a young cousin who just got called up, one of the Americans has a nephew who was serving on the border when the pogrom happened. One of the Israeli guys asks me what bars I recommend in Reykjavik.

I leave when the Haredi guys do. The one I spoke to the most promised to come visit when he next comes to Iceland (it was a short trip, he wants to see more) and I wonder if he remembers me saying how there’s a guy in my town with from-the-river-to-the-sea painted on his van. The other Haredi guy says he’ll look me up on Facebook, and says he’s glad I got to see how good being Jewish can be.

I get halfway back to the bus stop before I remember to put my kippah in my pocket.

[jjackrabbitt]

Miss Peregrines Museum of Wonders, Introduction:

This was going to be my usual 3 chapter length review, but it got long so you get just the introduction.

I swear, every time I think it’s gonna be the last book, Riggs comes up with an other one. This is far from a complaint, I want every little bit of anything I can get from these books. But this has happened three times now :/

Y’all are right. The little motifs in this book are fuckin ugly. Miss Peregrine would be much classier than this.

Also why’d they change her handwriting? We already have examples of her writing and uh. It’s not that.

Okay I swear that this whole thing is not going to be negative, we are going to have some fun here, but. I did the math and Alma is at least 58. What’s this bullshit with her picture showing her as 25-30 (?) years old.

Can we please please please have publications of Miss P’s other books next?? 🥺 I’ll never threaten to hit Riggs with a metal folding chair again 🥺

Okay back to complaining. Miss P would never have her silhouette done like that. She is a gentlewoman >:/

Today on Peculiars Are Jews: the book starts by informing the reader that they are being hunted and warning about how the Normal People will try to hurt you if they find out you’re different

Ooo faulty time loops 👀 what does that entail and how can I get in one?

Yet again, Peculiars Are Jews: “there was a time when all we had to worry about was being burned at the stake. It was a simpler world then.”

I would like to remind everyone that I am Jewish so I do get to make my fucked up little Jokes

Lovin’ these pink pages, they’re very fun

Hey so with the mention of the peculiar world spanning..well. The world. Do y’all think that other parts of the world (i.e. not europe or america) would rely so heavily on ymbrynnes? I genuinely want to know what other peculiar societies look like. We know that when Myron and Jack were building the Panloopticon they went outside of Europe and America and got loop dna from some pretty surprising places, so we know there are other loops and European peculiars have/had enough connection that the boys were capable of going there on friendly terms and gathering their samples. So there at very least was some connection to other places. That might have deteriorated with the introduction of hollows and wights roamin’ around and scaring everyone into staying in their loops. And we know that Noor was in fact born in Bombay and her parents were killed by a hollow, so we know that the wights reach extended outside of Europe/America. They had to get there somehow and it seems like it would be pretty hard to transport hollows by plane, so I’d guess they did a little loop hopping to get to baby Noor. Which would require a loop to be somewhere near Noor in the first place. Idk I just want to see places outside of Europe/America and know what the peculiar situation with them is.

This is probably the only book that’s like “Thank G-d no one believes in magic anymore”

Alsooo. Some of my opinions have changed since last time I shared my thoughts with you all and I am kinda critical of the ymbrynnes now. Not in a wight kinda way, because fuck those guys. And obviously this is fiction and also I’m not involved in any sort of peculiar society, so I can’t say what’s best, but who could, really?

That being said, Alma points out that many peculiars never meet an ymbrynne. And excuse me if this is wrong, but aren’t demi-ymbrynnes a little more common than full ymbrynnes? And I don’t believe this is ever directly addressed, but in the first three books there’s no mention of demi-ymbrynnes and it’s said that Miss Avocet’s Ymbrynne Academy trains ymbrynnes, specifically. Not demi-ymbrynnes. So uh. Would it not make more sense for the Ymbrynne Academy to train both demi-ymbrynnes and ymbrynnes and use the ymbrynnes to look for peculiar people and help relocate them and start loops and then leave demi-ymbrynnes in charge of running them? Not saying that full ymbrynnes wouldn’t be involved in running loops at all, but if they’re the ones who can find people and turn into birds and start loops and are more rare, why have them be focused on running one loop at a time? If anyone disagrees with this I would very much like to hear about it

Aaaand again with Peculiars Are Jews: “This is the book for them: the young [Jew] (or the old one) who’s never had the benefit of [a Rabbi’s/Jewish community’s] guidance; who is lonely and filled with questions.”

I know only one other Jewish person in this fandom so I’m pretty sure that most of the rest of you don’t get it when I say Peculiars Are Jews but I am right. It’s about the hidden culture! The questions! The alienation! The secret wonder! Randomly seeing an other person somewhere and just Knowing that they’re one of you! The Rituals! And yeah that does sound a lot like queerness too and Peculiars very much are queers. But they are also Jews and no one else is gonna talk about it.

Oooo fuck, the rest of the last paragraph for the introduction 😔 peculiars are queers and they are Jews and they are neurodivergent.

[majaloveschris]

And another thing I want to say, or rather, warn y'all in all sincerity, is that this hate situation against Alba may be affecting Chris more than y'all can imagine/::

So, once again this needs to be fucking said. Calling her out and her friends on their disgusting behavior and actions isn’t hateful. Holding her account for being a horrible fucking person isn’t hateful. Calling her out for using a fucking traumatic event like kidnapping making basically a joke of people who have actually gone through that isn’t hateful.

You think us bringing to light what an absolutely disgusting and vile person she is, all based off of things we can show she lied about or participated in is hateful and that because we are defending ourselves against the things she’s done wears him down but not her being a lying racist and supporter of antisemitism and fatphobia. He’s more worried about us talking about the issue than the person who caused the issue?

I’m so fucking sick of having to say this. She is racist, she and her friends made fun of my race, other races, and Jewish people. Calling that out and making sure people know exactly who she is and what’s she done, that isn’t hateful. That’s doing the right fucking thing.

I have a right to talk about this and how it affects me and my race. I have a right to call her out and make sure people see her for exactly who she is and what she actually believes. I have the right to talk about the things people like her do to people like me.

Stop saying she’s a victim. Stop saying she’s being bullied. Stop fucking saying she is being hated on for no reason. When you say shit like that, you invalidate the experiences of the people who live with this hate daily.

I am Korean. I am allowed to discuss her cultural appropriation and her racism, same with her friends. You sit here and use astrology to defend a vile human who lies to garner attention and sympathy. You’re part of the problem and you don’t even see it because of the privilege you have. Guess what? I don’t fucking get that privilege. Everyday is something new, everyday is another day I’m made fun of or fetishized for my race.

Lastly: if he is more worried about her being held accountable than he is about why she’s being held accountable, then he deserves any bad and negative consequences he will receive. Stop speaking over the voices of the people who actually have to live this shit

Agree! And I'm sorry you have to go through this every single day. People who aren't in this situation can't even imagine how this feels, and it's so sad that people don't see why their behavior is problematic. 

Chris will never defend her. And I also don't understand where people get the idea that it has an effect on him. I think he has his own problems. 

[will-o-the-witch]

Antisemitism in Witchy Spaces

I decided to start writing down every time I saw/experienced something in hopes that it will help shed light on some specific stuff Jewitches go through. My hope is that people will see antisemitism as a community-wide issue and not the fault of just a few individuals. We all play a part in making it better.

Facebook Witch Group: post is made by a user with a profile picture of a clear nazi swastika. After being notified, admin declares the user is allowed to stay because the group is a "judgement free zone."

Facebook Witch Group: Jewitch witches were assumed white by default and pitted against other groups, as if Jewish people are leveraging their identity to "play up" their own oppression and undermine others. Many openly Jewish witches are harassed out of the group.

A witchy discord group implements a rule that outlaws all mention of all closed practices (including Judaism) "to protect from appropriation," even if the person has legitimate claim to the practice. When I pointed out this basically forced me into hiding, admin says, "you can be Jewish. Just not here."

A user identified themselves as a Kabbalist. Later in the discussion, they were surprised to learn Kabbalah was Jewish in origin, admitted they didn't know a single Jewish person in real life, and argued that Kabbalah couldn't be that bad because Arianna Grande also used it. (”Are you saying she’s wrong too??”)

Another user is called out for appropriating Kabbalah and proceeds to sling antisemitic jokes until they are banned.

Just. So many more people appropriating Kabbalah and just becoming really nasty towards any Jewish person that expresses discomfort. (Including one person that even gave themselves a Hebrew username)

A group of users too big to argue with talking about how amaaaazing working with Lilith is. A few Jewish folks respectfully ask them to be mindful of her origins. They're not given attention. (Or what attention they are given is only to debate her origin.)

Discord server has rooms for every major subcategory of Paganism and one room for "Abrahamic." Christian witches completely dominate the conversation.

I mention on my blog that I am a proud Jewish person. One of the comments shortly after is "go be Jewish in Israel."

A Nazi sympathizer joins a Discord group, reveals themselves, is banned, and proceeds to try and join again over and over again through different accounts.

I'm checking my blog activity and see a nazi witchy blog had gone through my blogged and liked a ton of stuff so I'd be sure to see their username (they did this to other notable tumblr blogs as well.) Looking at their bio revealed their agenda of proving Nazis "weren't all bad," and their dash included an open invite to a holocaust denial discord server.

A tumblr thread gets big of a bunch of witches arguing to cancel the word Sabbat because of supposed antisemitic origins. Jewish people chime in to insist that we really don't give a shit about Wiccans using the word Sabbat, and not to speak over Jewish people and declare what we're offended by. Tumblr arguments ensue.

I get "called out" for baking challah. That's not antisemitism but it made me laugh really hard. (It’s okay for goyim to bake bread, obviously. Just don’t be weird about it.)

“High magic” and ceremonial practitioners ignoring or brushing off their tradition’s origin in blatant appropriation.

A user shares a magical chant to a group for everyone to use. The chant is in Hebrew. It includes a name of Gd. They didn’t realize that was a part of it.

Another discord group asserts in the rules that members of closed cultures may be openly themselves and discuss their craft, but not in an educational way. A mod practices exclusively Hermetic Kabbalah. I don’t have the strength to get into it. (Thankfully we had an actually decent discussion but it still made me feel kinda shitty.) 

Everyone is free to reblog. Jewish witches, please feel free to add your own experiences! 

[galemalio]

3 Examples of Racial Bias in Animation Storytelling

It’s not hard to grasp that a white person, while not explicitly or consciously racist in the sense we might usually imagine, is still inherently racially biased because they benefit from and grow up used to white supremacy.” - Scottishwobbly, Tumblr

This is nothing new. This is something POC (People of Color) have been talking about in separate fandoms. Nevertheless, it needs to be acknowledged by those unaware.

This article is not made to say that some of the animations that I will use as examples are bad. But in the hopes that we, as consumers and creators, will do better in the future in handling characters that are POC. 

Most often, racial bias in storytelling is when the narrative treats white or light skin toned characters better than darker skin toned characters. The darker skin toned characters are often POC-coded or actual POC.

White creators often do not notice their racial bias in their storytelling as they benefit from and grow up with white privileges and white supremacy. This can also apply to light-skinned POC who have light skin priviliges. 

Some of us don’t often see it but real people who relate to the characters of color do. Especially when it reflects from their experiences with racial bias, microaggressions, colorism and flat out racism.

So when they speak up, it’s important to listen to them to unlearn the racial bias we may have in ourselves. 

I will be emphasizing “the narrative” for I am criticizing how the story treats its dark-skinned characters and not because I am criticizing the characters themselves.

This article is critiqued by @visibilityofcolor​ as a sensitivity reader once and then additions were made before publishing. If you’re looking for a Black sensitivity reader, you can contact her. 

This article is a 14-minute read at average speed so buckle up. Unless you want to skip to your show mentioned below. External Tumblr Resources will be put in the reblog.

Here are three examples that I was made aware of. 

Example #1: The Narrative Treats the Light-Skinned Character at the Expense of the Dark-Skinned Character

Steven Universe was one of the animations that pushed lgbt+ representation in cartoon media. However, there are narratives here and there that showed racial bias. 

SU creator Rebecca Sugar was raised with "Jewish sensibilities" and both siblings observe the lighting of Hanukkah candles with their parents through Skype.[1] Rebecca Sugar also talked about being non-binary.[2] 

But as a white person, she (and the rest of the SU crew) is not aware of the inherently biased values from growing up and benefiting from white privilege. 

One example is the human zoo. There are people that have spoken up about this such as @jellyfax​​ of Tumblr who pointed out that the Crewniverse mishandled a loaded topic and reinforced a white colonist propaganda where the captive humans of mostly black/brown people are naive, docile and childlike in order to subjugate the people that they colonized. .

What I’m here is how a character of color from the main cast is more obligated to the lighter-skinned character. 

In the episode, Friend Ship, one fan had spoken out about how Garnet, who had been validly angry at Pearl, was compelled by a dangerous situation to forgive Pearl. Garnet is a Black-coded character. While Pearl is a light-skinned character.  

Garnet was mad at Pearl for tricking her into always fusing with her. Then they were trapped in a chamber that was going to crush them. In this situation, they have to fuse in order to save themselves but Garnet refuses to because she was still angry at her. 

In the end, they were forced to talk it out, for Garnet to understand Pearl’s reason for wanting to fuse with her and everything worked out well.

The narrative focused so much on Pearl’s self-worth issues at the expense of Garnet’s right to be angry. 

Yes, it showed that Pearl is trying her best to make up for it but Garnet should have been allowed to work at her own anger at her own pace instead of being obligated to consider Pearl’s feelings over her own. 

I wouldn’t have noticed it until someone had mentioned it. Because it was never my experience. 

But it’s there, continuing the message that it’s okay to put the emotional labor on Black people and disregard their own feelings for the sake of the non-Black people who have hurt them -particularly light-skinned women. 

White Fragility and Being Silenced White Woman Tears

Again, racial bias in animation storytelling is often not intentional because white creators do not experience it due to white privilege. 

Without meaning to, that scene alone shows Garnet as the Angry Black woman trope that is ungrateful and rude to Pearl who then ends up in tears. Without meaning to, Pearl with her light skin, became the tearful white girl trope that had to be sympathized over.

The Angry Black Woman trope is a combination of the worst negative stereotypes of a Black woman: overly aggressive, domineering, emasculating, loud, disagreeable and uppity.[13] 

The Tearful white girl trope comes from the combination of the stereotypes of white women being morally upstanding and delicate and therefore should be protected.[13] 

Which, unfortunately, many white women have taken advantage of.

These two tropes are harmful to WOC (Women of Color) because they experience the "weary weaponizing of white women's tears". This tactic employed by many white women incites sympathy and avoids accountability for their actions, turning the tables to their accuser and forcing their accuser to understand them instead.

(Image by Виктория Бородинова from Pixabay)

In "Weapon of lass destruction: The tears of a white woman", Author Shay described that white tears turns a white woman into the priority of whatever space she's in. "It doesn't matter if you're right, once her tears are activated, you cease to exist." [11] 

White woman tears have gotten Black people beaten and lynched such as Emmett Till. Carolyn Bryant who had accused 14 year old Emmett Till of sexually harassing her in 1955, admitted she lied about those claims years later in 2007.[15]

In Awesomely Luvvie's "About the Weary Weaponizing of White Women Tears", she states that the innocent white woman is a caricature many subconsciously embrace because it hides them from consequences. [10]

In The Guardian’s article, "How White Women Use Strategic Tears to Silence Women of Colour", Ruby Hamad shares her experience:

"Often, when I have attempted to speak to or confront a white woman about something she has said or done that has impacted me adversely, I am met with tearful denials and indignant accusations that I am hurting her. My confidence diminished and second-guessing myself, I either flare up in frustration at not being heard (which only seems to prove her point) or I back down immediately, apologising and consoling the very person causing me harm."[4]

This is not to say that all crying white women are insincere. But as activist Rachel Cargle said:

“I refuse to listen to white women cry about something. When women have come up to me crying, I say, ‘Let me know when you feel a little better, then maybe we can talk.’”[3]

One of the most quoted words in “White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism.” is this:

“It is white people’s responsibility to be less fragile; people of color don’t need to twist themselves into knots trying to navigate us as painlessly as possible.”[3]  

When white women cry in defense, instead of taking accountability, People of Color are then gaslighted into thinking they’re the bad guy. This is emotional abuse and a manipulation tactic. 

People of Color shouldn’t have to bend backwards to accommodate discomfited white or light-skinned people who have hurt them. 

How She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (SPOP) Did It Right

Despite SPOP having good lgbtq+ representations, there are other biases in the show. Such as Mara, a WOC whose only purpose was to sacrifice herself for the white protagonist. There was also the insensitive joke in their stream regarding Bow’s sibling that perpetuated an Anti-Black stereotype which Noelle Stevenson has apologized for.[14]

But the scene I have encountered where the Black character was validly angry and his feelings were treated well by the narrative, came from SPOP.

Bow, a black character, was validly angry at Glimmer, a lighter skinned character. Glimmer made a lot of bad decisions, one of them was using Adora and their friends as bait, without their knowledge, to lure out and capture Catra.  

Glimmer tearfully apologized in Season 5, Episode 4. Adora readily forgave her. But Bow didn't. 

They faced dangers along the way but the story didn't put them in a dangerous situation where Bow has to forgive Glimmer in order to get out of it. 

This was Glimmer's words of apology:

"Look, I know you're still mad at me. Maybe you'll be mad at me for a really long time. I deserved it. And maybe... maybe we'll never be friends like we used to be. But I'm not going to stop trying to make it better. I made a mistake with the heart of Etheria. I should've listened to you and I'm sorry. You get to be mad. For as long as you need to be. But I'm not going anywhere. And when you're ready, I'll be here."

In short, Bow was allowed to take the time to be mad and not just get over it for someone else’s sake. The story validates his feelings and he was allowed to take his own pace. That is emotional respect the story gave to him.

Example #2: The Narrative Gives Better Endings or Portrayals to Colonizers than Their Victims

Avatar: The Last Airbender has handled dark themes well such as genocide, war, PTSD, disability and redemption with great worldbuilding.

However, I never noticed the racial bias in ATLA until people spoke up of the double standards in ATLA’s treatment of light-skinned colonizers compared to their dark-skinned victims-turned-villains.

The characters in question -Iroh, Azula, Jet and Hama- are all flawed and well-rounded in a believable way. But how the narrative treats them is unequal.

General Iroh is an ex-colonizer who gets to redeem himself and not answer for his past war crimes, living a peaceful life as a tea shop owner. The only reason Iroh changed was when he was personally affected by the negativity of their military subjugation -his son’s death. It wasn’t the harm of the Fire nation ravaging Earth kingdom villages or cities and affecting millions of people that opened his eyes.

Azula, the tyrannical daughter, had closure of her mother's rejection when she was a child and was able to escape imprisonment.

Jet and Hama, victims of colonization who have done bad things, did not get similar conclusions to their stories OR compensation for what they have gone through from the Fire Nation's colonization. 

Jet was given a second chance but was arrested for trying to expose Zuko and Iroh being firebenders -firebenders who were their enemies for conquering their villages. Then he died from the injuries of the person who had brainwashed and mind-controlled him. 

Hama was imprisoned for life. 

Compared to the sins of the light-skinned colonizers, the narrative didn’t give Jet and Hama the development where they could heal from their trauma, receive compensation for what happened to them and really have a chance in life. 

The dark-skinned victims of colonization just became a lesson to the viewers how they shouldn’t hold grudges for being colonized. The end. They have received consequences for their actions but there is no continuation to their stories after that. 

It almost seems like the narrative is saying that because they have harmed colonizers who have no part in their trauma (and in Jet’s case, some Earth kingdom villagers), they are therefore unworthy to be given an actual chance in life. 

While Azula and Iroh, who have actively participated in conquering, colonizing and attacking the Earth Kingdom itself, were.   

Someone once said that if indigenous people have control over Hama’s story, it would have been done differently. But the ATLA crew are white, non-indigenous people who prioritized redeeming colonizers instead.

The narrative has also affected how the ATLA fandom thinks. If most fans are asked who they would want to be redeemed, the popular option would be Azula over Jet or Hama.

Once again, I don’t think the ATLA crew noticed it due to their racial bias. But still, the harm is done and the racially biased message is continued: 

The colonizers and their descendants don’t have to make amends for the colonizers’ crimes. Or if they do, only lightly since it’s in the past (no matter how recent that past is). 

The colonized who rebel will tend to hurt innocent people and then get a grisly end for getting in way over their heads.  

I would venture as far as to say that the narrative may have the  added subconscious desire to quiet their white anxiety on the vengeance of the colonized. As I have learned when writing about Vodou stereotypes and how they have stemmed from the history of white anxiety of Black vengeance, of Black fetishization and of dissolution of the white race through intermarriages.

In @visibilityofcolor’s blog, someone asked:

 “So I saw some of the really heated debates on here and on twitter about how if Iroh and Azula can be portrayed sympathetically despite their actions then characters like Jet and Hama should've been given a chance too. Do you think that the writers understood the implications of only redeeming characters from the colonizer/fascist nation but not giving the characters who suffered because of their fascism a second chance too?”

To which VisibilityOfColor replied:

“No, because at the end of the day, the writers are white. When it comes to stuff like this, it’s no surprise when we see white writers redeem problematic characters before they actually redeem victims of those racist problematic characters. For instance, Dave Filioni, who worked on both avatar and star wars rebels, did the same thing when redeeming agent kallus who was an soldiers in the imperial army and took credit for a genocide. where as victims of the empire were still painted in negative lights. i really don’t think they understand.

They have this ‘be the better person’ view on things, which is what a lot of white people tend to emulate when it comes to people of color standing up to their oppressors. and unfortunately, these are ideas passed on to children, esp minorities. that they should forgive people and communities who hurt them and ‘be the better person’. this is why white ppl don’t need to write narratives for people of color.”

Example #3: The Narrative Favors the Light Skinned Character Than Dark Skinned Character in Similar Situations

I would like to reiterate that racial bias in storytelling is often not intentional. I am not saying the creators and the people who support them are bad people. No.

However, I encourage that once a racial bias is made known in our work, it is our responsibility to change them to stop the perpetuation of its harmful message.

Hazbin Hotel is a popular cartoon with whimsical designs and its concept opens the conversation about redemption. The creator, Vivziepop may not have noticed the racial bias in her cartoon as a white Latina [5] that grew up with and benefits from white privileges, along with the Hazbin crew. 

In the Youtbe video, "Hazbin Hotel - How Art took over Writing", Staxlotl states:

“I understand that there was a lot of time and effort put into this pilot, almost three years worth of effort. But I think most of that time was spent into the art and visuals when it should’ve gone into polishing the writing in the characters.”[6]

Once again, I’m not here to critique the characters but how the narrative treats its dark-skinned characters.

The story treats Charlie, the white-skinned, “Disney-esque” protagonist princess differently from how it treats Vaggie, the dark-skinned, more outspoken and protective Latina girlfriend of Charlie who supports the princess’ cause. 

In its pilot episode, both girls experience humiliation. While Charlie is portrayed by the story as someone the viewers have to feel sorry for...

...Vaggie is portrayed in her humiliation as the butt of the joke for the viewers.

While they both didn’t like what Angel Dust did, Charlie was sympathized over in the narrative as a moment... 

...while Vaggie’s angry but valid callouts were dismissed and ignored as part of the comedy.

While Charlie was someone that needs to be protected in the narrative... 

...Vaggie is left to fend for herself. 

Again, I don’t think the creators noticed the racial bias of their cartoon. However, this racial bias is reflected in the harmful perceptions that dark-skinned women, particularly Black women and Black girls, are more mature, tougher and need less protection at a young age.[7] 

This adultification bias perceives them as challenging authority when they express strong or contrary views and are then given harsher discipline than white girls who misbehave.[8] And this continues when they grow up.

In a 2017 study, Black women and girls aged 12-60 years old confirmed they are treated harsher by their white peers and are accused of being aggressive when they would defend themselves or explain their point of view to authority figures.[8] 

This bias also coincides with the Spicy Latina trope of a brown-skinned, hot-blooded, quick-tempered and passionate woman.

Everyday Feminism described this trope as "Although objects of desire for many, the spicy Latina may have too much personality to handle. So much so that she is often viewed as domineering or emasculating." [16]

Sounds familiar? (Look at Angry Black Woman trope above.)

Why is it that a light-skinned character, Charlie, is allowed to be vulnerable and be sympathized while the dark-skinned Latina character, Vaggie, is mocked, dismissed and expected to tough it out?

Severina Ware had to remind the world in her article that relates to the bias against dark skinned characters:

“Black women are not offered the protection and gentleness of our white counterparts. We are not given permission to be soft and delicate. We are required to exhibit strength and fortitude not only because our lives depend on it, but because so many others depend on us. Black women should not be charged with the responsibility of saving everyone when nobody is here to save us.”[12] 

As @cullenvhenan​ of Tumblr has said in her post:

“if you're a white creator and your brown/black characters are always sassy, reckless, aggressive or cold and your white characters are always soft, demure, shy and introverted you should think about maybe why you did that”

(Image above from Iowa Law Reviews’ “Aggressive Encounters & White Fragility: Deconstructing the Trope of the Angry Black Woman”)

Detecting Your Own Racial Bias

It would be hard. No matter how much you edit and create, you may miss it because it was never your experience. 

So how do we prevent our racial bias from creeping into our creations?

Listen to POC and their feedback.

As @charishjb from Instagram has shared, here is one of the things that we can do (tumblr link here) [9]:

Consider POC voices. Listen to their experiences. Hire sensitivity POC readers. Put multiple POC voices in positions of leadership in creative projects.

Then we can stop the racial bias that perpetuates again and again in the media. I hope for that future.

[laineystein]

What’s your opinion on the free Palestine movement? (Im a Zionist I just wanna hear your viewpoint)

Oooooh child.

This is going to make people lose their minds but OH WELL.

Yalla, let’s go!

The only reasons Palestinians aren’t free is because of other Palestinians. Their oppression is not created by Israel but by Hamas and other Iran-funded terrorist groups. The Palestinian people are pawns and the Hamas propaganda machine is extremely successful. Whoever handles Hamas’ PR…give that man a medal. Hamas and other terrorist groups feed into the beginning of time adage that Jews are evil. This narrative is the reason that when Israel protects their citizens and retaliates when we are fired upon, news stories make it seem as if we acted unprovoked. Free Palestine is a joke, just like BDS. These are slogans created by terrorist groups to delegitimize and demonize Israel. These campaigns have absolutely nothing to do with protecting the people of Palestine. If the people that started these campaigns cared about Palestinians they wouldn’t be using them as human shields ie. building tunnels and weapons stores beneath schools. And why do they do this? Because they know that the IDF prides themselves on limiting civilian casualties at all costs. The IDF cares more about Palestinians than the fucking PA does. We all saw the luxury resort in Gaza that was attacked for allowing men and women to attend a concert together? They’re attacking their own people. Like…how brainwashed do you have to be to blame Israel for their oppression? No brainwashing necessary - antisemitism will do the trick.

If you have to bring Israel into it, there have been a ridiculous amount of peace talks and the PA has rejected all of them. Most of Israel wants a two state solution. I’d argue that Palestinians do too. The difference is that Israel lets their people speak and values the opinions and values of their people. Hamas/PA couldn’t care less. Again: this is not about “freeing” their people, it’s about killing ours.

You know I have to quote my queen Golda [Meir]: “Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than they hate us.”

This whole “from the River to the Sea”…y’all get that this is not them wanting to “Free Palestine”…it’s literally a call for complete conquering of all of Israel by wiping out the Jewish people. Intifada? Look up what happened for the first and second Intifada’s. It’s a call for violence under any means necessary. They’re encouraging their people to put themselves in harms way as a means to an end? For what? Who the fuck is going to live in this “Free” Palestine if everyone is dead?

Do I agree with all of Israel’s policies when it comes to borders and citizenship? No. Did I watch my fellow soldiers die in mortar attacks? Did I witness car bombs that killed children? Yes. This is going to surprise a lot of people but I’m not for war. I’m somewhat of a pacifist. But more than that I am a Jew who knows that I have a right and a duty to protect my Tribe because if I don’t, no one will. Israel doesn’t act, they react. They are the Israel DEFENSE forces. Israel is doing what every other country would do if met with the force and violence we face. The difference is, again, the coverage. So, again, most of the policies in place are the result of Israel being backed into a corner. It is not to punish Palestinians but to protect Israelis. Bottom line: if Hamas and other terrorist groups weren’t constantly on their bullshit, Palestine would be free.

I said what I said.

[karliesbuzzcut]

So I don’t know how you guys feel about the ‘Realistic Kaylor Timeline’ that’s been doing the rounds on this corner of the internet. I’m guessing some of you might feel conflicted, others might strongly disagree with some parts of it - but do not worry. I’m here to tell you how to feel about it: you love it. Because it’s mandatory to love anything that can get such a feral reaction out of TTB.

Today I’m bringing you

Top 7 Moments from TTB vs. Swiftiesleuth 2020

Fair wairning: I’m going to be very biased - I’ve not made my adoration for @swiftiesleuth a secret at all.

1. TTB’s grand entrance. LLLLLET’S GET READY TO TUMBLRRRRR!

Her disjointed sentences already let you know she’s a bit shaken “FAKE NEWS! The author admits they do not have inside knowledge like I do! I have all the inside knowledge, they only have outside knowledge, which ew - it’s muddy outside, and there’s bugs.”

2. Married people don’t ‘bonk’ - they make respectful and dignified love to each other. Preferably from opposite sides of the room.

My favourite was definitely when she said “if you’re a queer woman then you should really think about how you talk”. I vote for unpacking this one.

That ‘if’ - because of course, TTB has to perform a background check on you before she allows you to join The Gays.

That ‘should’. Please, TTB, complete that thought for us. Why is it that, as a queer woman, swiftiesleuth should do something in particular? You are not implying that she has to be especially careful about her words because she’s queer, right? I mean, you wouldn’t 😱 you’re a Social Justice Warrior after all.

TTB doesn’t like to be called “dude” either:

Which is why I suggest we all start calling her ‘Our Dude’. She will be our collective dude. And we can all be her little Dudes! It’ll be delightful, I’m telling ya.

3. In the year of our lord 2020, TTB decides it’s a good idea to pull the “I can’t be racist; my best friend is black” - but make it Jewish.

On this one I want to take a bit of a more serious tone, so I’ll limit myself to only one fart joke. I had no idea there were circumstances in which you couldn’t say you ‘converted’ to Judaism. I genuinely love that this seemingly silly passtime of mine actually teaches me new things. Now, I’m going to take a wild-ass guess and say TTB didn’t know that either... but more on this coming up.

Right now, let’s all rejoice at her choice of saying “I have facts” and right afterwards “Kaylor is likely already married”.

Kaylor, the sole entity, is married.

4. TTB tells herself “You know what? I haven’t been racist enough today”

At this point, TTB has become a cautionary tale about what happens to a person when they get married to an idea. It’s genuinely scary for me to think that my brain could trick me to such an extent that I could no longer process information that contradicts my beliefs. Just imagine it, there’s something about someone else’s religion that doesn’t make sense to you, and you decide to draw your conclusions from there. Okay, cool. Then someone from said religion explains that thing that didn’t make sense. And your reaction isn’t “oh, I maybe I should think about that, this person clearly knows more than me about this particular subject”. No. Your reaction instead is “I am entitled to my beliefs”

ISN’T THAT TERRIFYING!?

But more importantly... Isn’t that fucking racist? Wait... what? You are saying that isn’t racist enough? You think TTB should’ve also said that people don’t get to be offended by a word ‘only because it has been used as a slur in the past’? And then suggest to the person who asked her not to use that word - a person who is directly affected by that kind of bigotry - to get a dictionary? Nooo, come on, that’d be overkill. We are not trying to build a cartoon villain here!

5. Whaler and TTB are disappointed parents.

Truly emps, how dare you have a mind of your own. We raised you better than that!

I loooove that this day and age a fucking reblog means unconditional support to the author of the post... I’d watch that Black Mirror episode.

6. Both swiftiesleuth & TTB leave the chat with a motherfucking BANG.

I thought that I had hit comedy nirvana when Swiftiesleuth asked if her LGBTQ flavour bothered TTB and I thought no way in hell would TTB respond to that. BUT SHE DID. Aren’t you glad to be alive to witness that? “I have no knowledge of your flavour” she says. Well, TTB, I have no knowledge of Swiftiesleuth’s flavour either, but I’m working on fixing that *double winky face*

BUT TTB was like “talking about someone’s flavour isn’t hilarious enough, let’s leave this conversation with my best material”. And reminded us all of the percentage of black people she has working for her. I wonder if she decided to do the maths right after assembling her team or after she realised she could use it as an argument. Either way, super normal behaviour.

Also, also. I’d love to know what she considers a minority “well... Gerald has a pet snake... that should bring my minority percentage up by a couple points”

7. Special guests!

You wouldn’t be able to tell by how late to the party I was, but this was a big event here on Tumblr. Everybody was there... I’m told. Because I already feel like I’ve been working on this post for the past decade, I’ll keep it short and cute.

In one corner we have whaler and swift-79,

Obligatory bulletpoint list about all the things I loved about this post:

It wasn’t enought that TTB questioned swiftiesleuth’s queerness. Whaler said “fuck it - I’m questioning this bitch’s name as well” “Nat?” “you don’t look like a Nat” “but if you insist on identifying yourself as a Nat...” “I’ll put it in air quotes though”

I’m sorry... “If we are judging from pictures”? Isn’t that all that Kaylors do in 2020? No. No. I’m sorry. You guys also have emojis, sorry!

“Even Enty has questions about his sexuality” 😱 What? Enty? A blog dedicated to posting a constant stream of celebrity gossip once said that someone, somewhere, might be gay? No! 😱

I think swiftiesleuth was accused again of working for Scooter? Conspiracy Theorists are so adorably predictable, every time anyone disagrees with them (worse if that person seems to have done some research) somebody has to yell “they’re working for the enemy!”

Anyway, time for our final guest: the lovely @youlooklikebadnews , who I could’ve asked to write this whole post for me because they definitely did a better job than me at summarising the whole thing. But not only that, they were lucky enough to get a response from TTB.

...At this point I’m fairly certain that I’ll get invited to a Secret Session before TTB ever acknowledges my existence.

Doesn’t this read like what the villain says at the end of a shitty movie? Teasing a sequel and everything?

“You have not seen the last of TTB! I’ll be back with more proof and no copyright issues! KARLIE AND TAYLOR WILL RISE! Then you will see! YOU WILL ALL SEE!”

*flourishes cape and disappears into the night*

[babbushka]

I NEED PASSOVER PROMPT ONE

(we know I love Paterson and am a sucker for anything written for him but you can decide who you’d like to write it for 🥺)

A/N: Thank you so much for asking!! Pat is such a mensch, I couldn’t resist jumping on this prompt :) I hope you enjoy it! 

1.4k, no warnings just fluff and humor :) Jewish!Paterson x Jewish!Reader

He listens to the rhythmic sound of the wipers, as they steadily swish away a light rain that pitter-patters on the windshield. Paterson drives through the winding upstate New Jersey roads, you in the passenger seat next to him, and his friend Doc the bartender, in the backseat. Paterson had celebrated Pesach with you for many years now, even before you were married and he could only call you his girlfriend, but the addition of his friend is a new one.

Doc had mentioned off-handedly a couple days ago that he knew the Jewish holiday was coming up, but had never experienced it for himself. Paterson brought it up on one of his nightly visits for his single beer, and Doc had been interested enough to agree to join you and him for Seder. 

Now though, as they’re all on their way to Paterson’s mom’s house, Doc realizes that he has no idea what he’s getting himself into, especially as Paterson is explaining it to him, prompting him to ask,

“What do you mean there’s fifteen steps?”

You chuckle just a little at the surprise in his voice, and even Paterson’s dimples make an appearance.

“I think last year it was three hours before we even got to eat.” He says, his eyes flicking up to Doc’s in the rearview to give him a friendly smile, “But that was because my cousin kept interrupting.”

“Three hours?” Doc groans,  “Pat tell me you’re joking. I haven’t eaten all day!”

To prove his point, a loud stomach growl sounds from the backseat, and Paterson’s smile turns into a full on chuckle of his own, as you’re doing your best to not encourage him too much over in your seat. In your lap is a big Tupperware of matzah toffee, a coveted recipe that you’re tempted to let Doc try now to hold the poor man over.

“No one told you to fast.” Paterson says, his voice soft and only a little teasing, “Only the first-born in every family fasts the night before Passover.”

“Wish I had known that now, I’m starving.” Doc grumbles, his normal steady mood shifting into something a little exasperated when he wonders aloud, “What even are these fifteen steps?”

“Do you really want to know or are you just asking to ask?” You ask, finally breaking your silence. You love telling people all about Seder, love talking about the holiday. It’s one of Paterson’s favorites too, and his eyes practically light up at the thought of getting to teach his friend.

“No I want to know.” Doc scratches the back of his neck, “I did some reading but…”

“Well, it starts with the Kadesh.” You let Paterson take the lead, loving the way the deep rumble of his voice soothes your ears. He explains, “It’s a blessing over the first cup of wine, and to commemorate and sanctify the holiday. Then there’s the Urchatz, a ritual hand-washing to cleanse ourselves before we begin.”

Paterson drives steadily, carefully through the trees, remembering how he had always dreaded the next step. You pinch at his nose playfully when it crinkles up, his expression endearing.

“Next comes the Karpas, the first food that we get to eat although it isn’t really…food food. It’s a piece of green vegetable, I think we’re using parsley this year?” Paterson asks, looking at you. Sometimes you used celery, but Paterson’s mom liked to switch it up every other year. You nod, and he continues, “We dip it in salt water to represent the tears our people shed while enslaved in Egypt.”

“Damn, you guys don’t mess around huh?” Doc lets out a laugh at that, and you’re inclined to agree.  

“Trust me, it gets way more dramatic.” You say, while Paterson tries to figure out how to find the detour for some road work ahead of him, “Then there’s the Yachatz, where the first piece of matzah is broken in half. The larger piece of matzah is called the afikomen, and is hidden somewhere in the house for the kids to find at the end.”

“Aw that’s pretty cute actually.” Doc smiles, and Paterson beams. He can’t wait until he has children of his own to go running through the house, wreaking havoc.

“Some families do it where the kids have to steal it off the Seder leader’s lap without them noticing, which is also really funny.” You nod, because you also agree, “But it usually distracts the kids during the Maggid, so we personally don’t do it.”

“The Maggid?”

“It’s the longest part of the Seder, this is when we read the long and drawn out story of our Exodus.” Paterson explains, “All the plagues, the slaughter of the first born – ”

“They get slaughtered and they have to fast?” Doc interrupts with raised eyebrows, “That sucks for firstborns.”

“Then we wash our hands again with the Rachtzah,” Paterson only continues with a smirk, glad that his older brother Paul has to wear the brunt of that responsibility. Nevermind that they’re twins, he’s older by two minutes, “And we’re not allowed to talk, it’s a silent hand-washing.”

“Oh do we get to eat now?” Doc’s eyes light up, as his stomach growls again.

Successfully navigating away from the road-block, you and Paterson exchange an apologetic glance.

“No,” He shakes his head, “Then we break the second matzah while saying the Motzi.”

“And then we eat the Maror, the bitter herb.” You add on, “This signifies the bitterness of slavery. Again. But after that we get to eat the Hillel sandwich.”

“Oh thank god – ”

“It’s bitter herb sandwiched between two pieces of matzah.” Paterson squashed Doc’s hopes before he even has a chance to get them too high.

“Dammit!” Doc laughs, feeling like this is the dinner that never ends. He isn’t entirely wrong, but there is relief on his face when Paterson pulls up to the drive-way, and you unbuckle your seat belt, turning over your shoulder to smile at him.

“After that you get to eat though.” You wink.

“For real this time?” Doc asks cautiously, making Paterson nod with a grin.

“For real.” He clips a yarmulke to his hair like the good boy he is, “And I promise it’s worth it.”

The three of you get out of the car, and you make sure that you have everything that you need before going in. Doc looks a little hesitant, eyeing the house that already has music and happy chatter sounding from the slightly open window.

“What do we do after we eat?” Doc asks, his hands in his pocket.

“The kids hunt for that piece of matzah, we do a final blessing after we eat called the Barech, invite a ghost in to come hang out with us and protect us, and then we sing songs.” You offer him a hand for him to hold, knowing that he must feel a little intimidated by it all.

Seder was intimidating for a lot of people, even those who had celebrated it for years. But then again, rituals are meant to be shared with family and friends, and you’re just glad Doc wanted to see for himself what it was all about.

“Did you say ghost?” Doc immediately blinks, making you laugh – it really was a silly part of the tradition, but an important one nonetheless.

“His name is Elijah, he’s really nice.” Paterson locks the car door and “When Elijah leaves though, we drink another glass of wine and dance. But by that point usually everyone is trashed enough that we all black out on the couch. It all depends.”

Approaching the front step, Doc takes in a deep breath. You slip him a piece of matzah toffee that he happily accepts, eagerly eating the dessert. His face lights up when he tastes how delicious it is, and he can’t help but smile.

“This sounds like one helluva dinner Pat, I gotta say.” Doc sounds almost impressed, that something so elaborate continues to be observed year after year after year.

“Are you ready to find out for yourself?” Paterson asks, gently nudging Doc with his elbow in a friendly gesture.

“If there’s more of this,” Doc points to the matzah toffee, “Then I’m more than ready.”

The three of you grin and Paterson steps through the threshold with your hand securely held in his, as the family welcomes you all and gives a most warm welcome to Doc, who finds that by the end of Seder after four full glasses of wine on an empty stomach, it is one helluva dinner indeed.

                                                   -------------------

Taggin’ some Paterson lovin’ friends! @sacklerscumrag @artsymaddie @direnightshade @reyloaddict55 @sunflowersinthesnow @steeevienicks @the-unmanaged-mischief @chapterhappygirl 

[hawaiian-has-moved]

you aren’t cannon. beetlebabes is more cannon than you. at least that shit was in the musical and movie and cartoon.

Need I remind you idiots, since I have already said I'm no longer being nice to you anymore.

That I do not give a damn what you think it looked like to you in that fucked up brain of yours, it's still p*dophilia. Man it's almost sad I live this rent free in your head for existing. I just exist and your blood boils. It's cute.

Anyway, Lydia is a minor in every version.

And if you think the wedding in the movie was romantic. Man every gross man I've cringed at for being a creepo must have been true love.

But see, that's the thing you people don't get huh? Consent. Consent does not exist to you. If it did you wouldn't fight when people say that Lydia is a minor and therefore cannot consent. It doesn't click because you found something hot about shipping this developing teen with this old as fuck perv.

But oh? Is that not enough for you, you cry, begging to justify your vile ship. Allow me to humor you and go through the other versions.

In fact! I'll analyze a whole song just for you.

Also please look at yet another picture of Lydia obviously not having it.

Way back when I was just ten

Simple and sweet

Everywhere, fellas would stare

Out on the street

And I felt used

Kinda confused

I would refuse to look in their eyes

But now I really love creepy old guys

This is kinda obvious, she's been preyed on before by men. So basic p*do trying to gr**m a kid scenario. But the satire to the song of course is that "it's all fine now" Which it's obviously not, she's just using this to trick him so they can send him back as an end goal.

We all do!

Gum disease

Skin like grilled cheese

Saggy old asses

(Saggy old asses)

Cute and vile

Hey baby, smile

To each girl that passes

They make me blush

(Can't get enough)

Now one of 'em loves me, wants to be mine

(That's right)

Marrying my own creepy old guy!

(I'm a creepy old guy)

This is just more playing out the satire of pretending it's okay, but with Beej chiming in because he already lacks the knowledge that this is grooming and it's not okay. Tricking him into thinking this is fine to end up killing him is a breeze.

My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy

I'm so happy I could cry

Girls may seem disgusted, but we're actually just shy

It's not uncommon that I've heard about or heard someone get told that they're just shy when a gross ass old man or someone is trying to gr**m a kid. It's gaslighting and manipulation in most cases. So for them to say that it's because they're actually just shy as part of the satire is the point.

My creepy old groom (creepy old groom)

Play that wedding tune

Hey folks, step aside

(I am older, but I'm glad I waited)

And if you've watched a bootleg, you would recall Barbara right here smiling and then turning away with eyes wide, like "this is not fucking okay" Kind of look on her face. But yeah this is another one of those phrases that you hear too often in these gross situations.

'Cause here comes the bride

I am marrying my creepy old guy

(Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy)

He's my creepy old guy

(Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy!)

Fix his hair

Get him prepared

For Armageddon

Again if you have seen a bootleg, here Lydia puts a finger to her lips and goes shhhh. Because Armageddon is Beejs death.

Sure, the groom

Crawled out of a tomb

But hey, hey, it's a wedding!

He's really fucking old guys. There is a huge age gap and this is p*dophilia.

So dim the lights

Pick up some rice

Say something nice

It's my day to shine

I'm getting hitched to my creepy old guy

(It's showtime)

Creepy old guy, creepy old guy

She's marrying a creepy old guy

Have you guys seen "Lolita"?

This is just like that, but fine

I have not seen Lolita, but I have been told it's similar to this who marriage scenario and is mega bad. Now if it were Lolita fashion, that is made to ward off men, so I assume it's a movie from what info I have.

Creepy old dude, creepy old dude

Our faith has been renewed

Now love is alive!

Wave your baby girl goodbye

I am walking down the aisle

I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by

I know that on the outside he's disgusting

And even on the inside, he's disgusting

This whole scenario is fucking vile. He's vile.

But I know that this time, I'm makin' it right

(Making it right, making it right!)

With my family by my side

O.M.G.

Dressed to a "T"

Fancy and formal

I found me a wife

L'chaim to life

This is so normal!

I was ignored

But now, I'm adored!

'Cause I extorted, tortured, and lied

Give it up for my underage bride!

They've done it, they have successfully tricked him into thinking this is okay with no funny business. But he's about to get stabbed. L'chaim to life is a nod at him being Jewish, also he had a Kippah in the DC version which backed this joke, but it fell off a lot ig so he doesn't have it now. Traditionally there was a lot of marrying women off to much older men for property and stuff, as most religions do/did tho. I was in a production of Fiddler on the roof for example and that was the whole premise.

Here comes the bride

Here comes the bride

God be glorified

I can't believe some cultures think this kind of thing's alright

My creepy old guy

My creepy old guy

Doesn't he deserve a chance at life?

Oh yeah, that's right

Yeah, that's right

So let's make him alive!

I am marrying my creepy old guy!

Guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy

Guy, guy, creepy old guy

Guy, guy

(I have chills)

Yeah!

And then they stab him and the till death do we part sign over the stage all makes sense now because the wedding vows are undone and since he's recently deceased he almost returns to the netherworld.

Etcetera etcetera... But of course you guys go tome deaf at that one when it plays if I remember right.

Oh right, the cartoon, of course, I knew just what you were thinking don't worry. You're thinking "oh well what about the comics, and the valentine cards! And and the animators who drew lewd stuff of Lydia!" Well.... Haha! Still p*dophilia! And also I have seen the infamous Lydia drawing and it's got her head shape, nose, lips, but it's not fully her. Even if it was again my first point, still p*dophilia. And yeah just because the people who worked on it drew it, doesn't make it suddenly okay. Ffs...

I couldn't even find a cartoon wedding that wasn't fan drawn to match this one. Because that doesn't exist! But I do have my favorite point to make.

Beetlejuice's look into Lydia's future in Pest O' the West.

Now why you b*bes were busy being p*dos and gr**ming kids on the internet into thinking this shit is okay, I was mastering the art of common fucking sense.

Beej makes a joking remark that he cannot see into the future while hiding from Bully the Crud, but when he does as per usual, his puns and phrases make his magic go to work. So a crystal ball appears in front of him showing the future in the images I've provided.

Lydia, doing a heaping pile of dishes as a ghost for bully and all of their kids, very unhappy and driven insane. Because imagine what being married to someone it's obviously wrong to be with would do to her mind. He hates seeing her like this, so he rushes to save her. Which he successfully does.

Toon is actually the one with canon evidence of this shit being not okay to him.

Also before anyone tries to say it, no the movie and cartoon aren't connected, she doesn't even live in Winter River in the cartoon that should have made it obvious. Besides she's like 14-16 in the movie. So I don't think she de-aged.

Lastly, two things that are off topic. I believe it's spelled canon, and before anyone goes saying fiction doesn't effect reality, I would like you to explain to me how being a Jedi is a official religion if that is so true.

See anon! I gave you my special, condescending talk that too two hours to type on my phone! You stalked me endlessly and I picked you as the special anon that, I didn't deletes ask for being a gross piece of shit in a minors ask box! Wow. That searching my name clicking on my asks, and typing out all that so I could live rent free in your head really.... Didn't work lol. I may have took two hours to type this, but I assure you I will forget about you in 2 days max. Because unlike you, I have better things to do than ship a minor with an ancient demon. Bye bye now, be sure to rant about me with pure rage to your house p*do friends so that my existence may spread further into other people's minds! Woo... Being famous is so tough. 😉

[thefloorisbalaclava]

Hanukkah with Frankie

Pairing: Francisco ‘Catfish’ Morales x F!Reader

Warnings: None

A/N: First and foremost I want to say Happy Hanukkah to all my followers who celebrate! Secondly, I want to thank my lovely Jewish anon for trusting me with this and also helping me out with a few things. You told me that you practiced Reform Judaism so I looked up as much as I could about it! Please feel free to tell me if I got anything wrong!

[Frankie masterlist]

---

“I hate this shirt, too,” Frankie said before turning to walk into the bedroom for the fifth time. You stopped him and helped him adjust the tie he wore.

“Frankie, you look fine,” you reassured him. “This isn’t about what you’re wearing though, is it?” you asked.

“I just…don’t know a lot about Judaism. I’m afraid I’ll mess up or say the wrong thing and I don’t wanna make a bad first impression, you know?” He grimaced as you straightened his tie again.

“Do you not want to go to synagogue?” you asked.

“I do but…”

“Look, no one is expecting you to be an expert. My family knows you’re not Jewish but they find it endearing that you’re willing to spend this special time with us…with me.” You kissed him and he smiled nervously.

“Do you want me to wear the uh…kippah, right? Or is it yarmulke?” he asked.

You beamed at him, tears welling in your eyes. “Listen to you,” you said proudly. “My family practices Reform Judaism so it is optional.”

“Well, I read that it’s considered a sign of respect for a non-Jewish person to wear one in a synagogue so I’ll put it on…with your help.” He sat down and you stood in front of him and helped him with placement.

“Sometimes they stay put on their own. Let’s see…” You lowered your hands slowly. “Stand up and walk around a bit. Move your head around.” Frankie stood and walked and even jumped a few times. “You’re good to go.” You looked at your watch. “Uh oh, we should go. Grab the-"

“Menorah…got it,” he said proudly.

---

You walked to the synagogue, smiling over at Frankie every now and then. Your parents and siblings were already waiting out front for you. You all said your hellos and then you introduced Frankie. Your father smiled and shook his hand and placed his other hand over Frankie’s hand.

“Welcome.”

“Thank you, sir.” Frankie stayed behind you and your family as they walked into the synagogue where other families had begun to gather as well. He looked around in quiet admiration and you finally looked back at him.

“Hey,” you said. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “You know, I’ve lived here all my life and I’ve never been in here. I always felt as though it was off-limits to me.”

“It’s not off-limits to anyone. Come on.”

---

Throughout the night, you checked on Frankie but soon you realized that you didn’t have to. He fit in just fine, talking to other families, playing with the children.

He sat quietly through the prayers and seemed to love watching you all light your menorahs together. When you all sang songs, you tried your best to teach him the words and he tried his best to follow along.

“Still on,” he joked, pointing to his kippah as you all sat down and ate a few treats. His eyes widened. “This is delicious.” You laughed and just couldn’t believe how much he was enjoying himself.

When it was time for games, Frankie picked up a toy and proudly announced that he knew what it was. “A dreidel,” he said.

“The children usually play with those,” you told him and he frowned.

“Am I allowed to try?” he asked and you nodded.

“Of course.” You watched happily as he sat with the children and had them teach him what to do.

“He’s a good one,” your father said as he sat beside you.

“He is,” you agreed, smiling over at Frankie who was really focusing on his dreidel.

“Will we be seeing more of him?” your dad asked.

“Yes, I think you will.” Just then Frankie looked up and waved at you. “Actually, I’m sure you will.”

[traincat]

since forest hills is a historically jewish neighbourhood, i figure just even from a statistical standpoint there's bound to be at least a few existing spider-man related characters who are jewish. so is there anyone besides peter that you think could or should be jewish (like neighbours, classmates, any other supporting castmates who grew up in or nearby the area)?

There aren’t that many other Spider-Man characters who come from Forest Hills -- aside from the Parkers, it’s basically just Flash Thompson and Liz Allan. I think a Jewish reading of Flash Thompson is potentially interesting, but I don’t buy into it myself based on the information available in canon. (Like the MCU’s POC Flash, I think it’s potentially problematic given Flash’s canonical abusive family history, especially when he’s being used, as he very often is, to throw Peter into a better light. I also think Flash’s military history makes it less likely -- not that there aren’t Jews in the US military, but there’s a very different cultural push happening there with Flash.) I could buy Jewish Liz -- I think especially in a Jewish Osborns reading of canon -- but I’m a little wary of it because Liz’s whole thing in the early canon days are that she’s a rich girl, which is Jewish princess stereotype city. So it’s one of those situations where I would be warmer to a reading of the character in that light if Marvel the company was more open about 616 Peter’s extreme Jewish subtext. I think with both Flash and Liz it’s a situation where I feel like it’s very easy to view either or both of them as Jewish in the Lee/Ditko run, but then as canon evolved that reading became less and less relevant -- as opposed to Peter, where I think if anything the Jewish subtext continued to grow. As for extremely minor characters -- I think Sally Avril was probably Jewish, but this isn’t like, based on anything in particular so much as just a feeling.

I brought up Jewish Osborns a second ago, and I’m going to go ahead and double down on my belief that that’s a very valid reading of them in canon, although also inherently a problematic one when Peter himself is not hardline canonically Jewish -- particularly with Norman, who could very easily become the greedy Jew stereotype if viewed in that light. But one thing I’ve pointed out before is that the Osborn hair is a very real curl type people can have, and it is a curl type found in Ashkenazi Jewish people! I don’t think it’s the only read on the Osborns out there -- there’s a lot of mixed race Osborn theorizing I’ve seen and tragically I’m a big proponent of the Norman Osborn: Gay and Closeted theory -- but it’s something that I think is potentially interesting to play around with, but again, y’know, that’s if Peter is allowed to be a proud Jewish man playing off against a Jewish antagonist, and not “Protestant” like Marvel likes to pretend. I think if Norman is Jewish and Peter is not it’s extremely easy to fall into very antisemitic territory. (Meanwhile you know no one showed up to poor Harry’s Bar Mitzvah even though his dad rented out the Plaza.)

I don’t believe Felicia is from Forest Hills in 616, but she is from Queens! Spider-Man PS4 lists her birth place as Flushing, which is historically another big Jewish neighborhood. I like to joke that you know Peter’s Jewish because he dates a lot of shiksas, but I could pretty easily buy a Jewish Felicia Hardy. Same with Mary Jane -- born in Pittsburgh, but her father’s sister is the Parkers’ neighbor, so she’s got that Forest Hills connection, and I’m also not opposed to a Jewish MJ -- especially if, given her family history, it’s not a part of her life she ever put much stock in/harbored resentment against before she met Peter, and then married life opened up whole new doors for her. 

These are just my opinions, though! I think a lot of Jewish headcanons are valid and that everyone has different interpretations of the text -- I am very definite about my feelings about Peter being a Jewish character because there is so much text that adds up over the years, but with most other characters I think there’s a lot of wiggle room. I do usually lean a little towards a Jewish J Jonah Jameson, but I think that’s because Stan Lee put so much of himself into Jonah -- he’s got that real hardboiled New York Jewish man dialogue going and I love it. 

[buoyantsaturn]

A World Alone (5/10)

summary: Nico was ready to propose - now he just needed to figure out how. He convinces Will to celebrate Hanukkah for the first time in years. The problem is, Nico doesn't know anything about Hanukkah.

word count: 2,304

read on ao3

They’d both been awake for over an hour, but any time Will so much as thought about getting out of bed, Nico wrapped around him like an octopus to keep him in place. Not that Will minded, of course, but he was starting to get hungry. 

Will shifted, and Nico immediately tightened his hold around Will’s waist. “Oh, I’m not even allowed to move now?” Will joked. 

Nico propped his chin up on Will’s chest and pouted at him. “I thought you wanted to tag along on my day of rest.” 

“Resting doesn’t mean we have to stay in bed all day,” Will said, though he was sure that Nico already knew that. “Besides, I’m going to need to eat something pretty soon, because I’d rather not resort to cannibalism.” 

“You could never eat me,” Nico told him. “You love me too much.” 

Will hummed, slipping a hand underneath Nico’s shirt. “I don’t know, you’re starting to look pretty tasty.” He pinched Nico’s side, causing him to jump and release his hold on Will. 

“That’s cheating!” Nico exclaimed, but Will simply grinned back as he slipped out from under the duvet. 

“All’s fair in love and war. And I’d really rather keep this one as love, if you don’t mind. We’ve both seen enough war for a lifetime.” 

With a hmph, Nico flopped back against his pillow. “Don’t you dare burn down my kitchen.” 

“Then you’d better come stop me!” 

Nico resumed his octopus hold after they’d finished breakfast and moved to the couch. Sure, it had only been a week since Will’s last full day off work, but sometimes Nico felt like he and Will never got the chance to just sit like this and enjoy each other’s company.

And there was one other thing it seemed like they never had the time for.

“So,” Nico started as he stretched his legs over Will’s lap, “if we’re sticking with this day of rest thing, then that probably means I shouldn’t do any more cooking, right?” 

Will’s gaze was focused on the TV across the room as he said, “If you want to be that strict about it.” 

Nico let his head rest against Will’s shoulder. “And no cleaning, either, and neither of us can sneak off to work, so… Well, I guess that means there’s only one thing we can do.” In the blink of an eye, Nico had placed himself on Will’s lap, knees pressed into the cushions on either side of Will’s hips and arms draped around Will’s shoulders.

Will smiled sweetly up at him. “Actually, we can’t do that, either.” 

Nico frowned. “But--” 

“Besides,” Will cut in, his hands coming to rest on Nico’s waist, “doesn’t your religion prohibit premarital sex?” Nico rolled his eyes, thinking, then it’s a good thing there’s an engagement ring in my nightstand. “And now that I think of it, they’re not too big on the gays, either, are they? Man shall not lie with another man, or whatever.” 

Nico jabbed a finger into Will’s chest. “That’s just a misinterpretation, and I’ve told you that a million times. And shouldn’t you already know that? I know you went to...Hebrew school, or whatever it’s called.”

Will swatted Nico’s hand away. “Oh, sure, because they discussed the hot topic of gay sex to a room full of eight year olds. What do you think Hebrew school is?” 

“Uh…” Nico paused for a moment to think. “Catechism with half the material?” 

Will snorted, then hid his face in Nico’s chest as he started to laugh fully. “Okay, that was a good one. I’ll give you that.” 

Nico started to curl a lock of Will’s hair around one finger. “So, I guess we have two options. One, we could exchange gifts for today, or two, we can go commit a mortal sin in the bedroom.” 

Will hummed, his head tilting in thought. “Any sin?” 

“I mean, I have a specific one in mind.” 

“Hopefully not murder, right?” Will asked. “You know, since it’ll be just us in there.” 

Nico snorted. “No, I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime.” 

Clearly, Will was enjoying teasing Nico, because he continued with, “Is sodomy technically a mortal sin?” 

Nico pressed his forehead against Will’s and whispered, “Do you wanna find out?” 

“Well, since we can’t light the menorah or open any gifts until sundown, then...I guess that only leaves the one option.”

Nico grinned and shadow traveled them both across the apartment.

Will should’ve known it would be a mistake to get back into bed, because once again, Nico refused to let him go. And this time, he wasn’t falling for any of Will’s tricks, either. If Will complained that he was hungry or thirsty, Nico shadow traveled to the kitchen and back just to keep Will in bed.

Had Will really been neglecting cuddling his boyfriend that much?

“You’re going to tire yourself out,” Will called out as Nico dissolved into another shadow right before his eyes. He returned only a moment later with Will’s reusable water bottle and a bag of chips. Will raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t you even think about eating chips in my bed.” 

Nico shot him a look right back. “Our bed,” Nico corrected as he opened the bag. He sat down beside Will, leaning against the headboard, and started eating.

“If I find chip crumbs on my side, I won’t kiss you for a week,” Will threatened.

“You couldn’t commit to that if you tried.” Still, Nico only ate about a handful of chips before setting the bag aside.

“So, I’ve been thinking about something,” Will said as he draped an arm around Nico’s shoulders.

Nico settled into Will’s side. “Don’t hurt yourself.” 

“Ha ha, you’re so funny,” Will said sarcastically, poking Nico in the stomach and causing him to let out a giggle. “I was thinking about how I’ve never seen you go to church.” 

“Yeah, so?” Nico took the hand that Will had around his shoulders and laced their fingers together. “I’ve never seen you go to temple.” 

“Sure you have! It just wasn’t a Jewish temple.” 

Nico shot him a confused look over his shoulder. 

Will had a soft smile on his face. “You know, there’s a lot of temples in New Rome, and we’ve visited most of them.” 

“Oh, sure,” Nico said with a roll of his eyes, “now you’re the funny guy.” 

“Thank you, I know.” Will kissed Nico’s cheek, grinning as he thought of his next words. “So, anyway, won’t you go to Hell since you don’t consume the actual flesh and blood of your savior Jesus Christ at least once a week?”

Nico grinned right back. “It’s a good thing we all go to Hell anyway, then.” 

Will pouted. “You didn’t laugh at my joke.” 

Nico reached up and patted his cheek. “I’m laughing on the inside.” 

Will didn’t believe him. “Well, since we’re on the topic, did you ever talk to your dad about getting me a place with you in the palace?” 

Nico shrugged. “Well, I just haven’t decided if I’m keeping you around yet.” 

“It’s like you don’t even love me anymore,” Will said, his pout increasing in strength.

Nico gasped. “Slander!” He twisted in Will’s hold so that he could press a kiss to Will’s lips. “Or is that one libel?”

“Is that really what’s important right now?” Will asked. 

Nico sighed. “Alright, alright. I suppose, as long as you don’t do anything to piss me off, you can join me in the palace. It’s not like you’d wind up anywhere outside of Elysium, anyway.” 

Will’s nose scrunched up, a habit that he’d picked up from Nico when he was confused. “You can’t know that.” 

“Of course I do.” 

“How?” 

Nico shrugged again. “It’s just something I know. I don’t even need to know the person, I can just look at them and...know.”

“With just anyone?” Will asked. “So, you could look at, say, the President of the United States and tell me what circle of Hell he’s going to?” 

Nico squeezed Will’s hand and tipped his head back onto Will’s shoulder. “I’ll make it easy for you: nine times out of ten, politicians end up in punishment. The other one goes to Asphodel. If they would stop getting corrupted by greed, then maybe someday Elysium will see its first politician.”

“Wow,” Will whispered. 

Nico started drawing lines to connect the freckles on the back of Will’s hand. “You know, anyone who fought on our side in the Titan war went to Elysium.” 

Will’s arm tightened around him. “So...my brothers?” 

“I haven’t gone to check, but…” Nico nodded. “Last I saw them, that’s where they were headed.” 

“And…” Will hesitated, unable to decide if he really wanted to know the answer. “My mom?”

Nico took a deep breath. “Statistically speaking, most mortals go to Asphodel, unless they do something really big.” 

“I see,” Will breathed, trying to keep his emotions under control. “But...there’s still time?”

Nico squeezed his hand. “Yeah, there’s still time.” 

Will pressed his nose into the top of Nico’s head as he blinked tears out of his eyes. “Okay, I think it’s time for a topic change before I get myself worked up.” He pressed a kiss to Nico’s head. “I think we should put on some pajamas and head back out to the living room.”

“I thought we agreed that you weren’t leaving this spot,” Nico said.

“You agreed, I did not. Besides, how am I supposed to light the menorah and get you your gift from right here? Do you really want me to miss out on such an important part of Hanukkah?” He wound his other arm around Nico’s waist and dropped his chin onto Nico’s shoulder as he started fluttering his eyes. He knew Nico wouldn’t feel it, but they were pressed close enough that Nico could be able to feel Will’s eyelashes tickling his cheeks. “We can watch a movie, too. Maybe even that Grinch movie you love so much.” 

Will could practically feel Nico’s excitement. “The Jim Carrey one?” 

“With the freaky Whos who give me the creeps, yeah,” Will said.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” Nico asked, pulling out of Will’s hold to turn toward him. 

Will hummed in thought. “Not today.” 

“Well, I do.” Nico leaned in for a kiss, then pushed himself out of bed, announcing in an imitation of the Grinch’s voice, “But what’ll I wear?”

Will was the first to reach the living room, and he didn’t wait for Nico to arrive before lighting the menorah. He was just putting the shamash back in place when he heard Nico enter the room, immediately dropping onto the couch with a gift box in hand. Will joined him on the couch.

“You first,” Nico insisted, passing over the box. As he always did, Will carefully peeled away the shiny blue and silver wrapping paper, then pried the lid off the box underneath. He found more blue inside - fabric, this time - and unfolded the sweater to see it in all its glory. It was the Hanukkah version of an ugly Christmas sweater, complete with working lights stitched into the menorah’s flames. 

“This is hideous,” Will told him, eyes bright with excitement. He beamed at his boyfriend. “You do know that I have to wear this to work tomorrow, right?” 

Nico smiled back. “I wouldn’t expect anything else.” 

Will darted forward to kiss Nico’s cheek. “Alright, your turn.” He lifted a large gift bag off the ground beside the coffee table, and handed it over. 

There was another bag inside - a black backpack of sorts, but smaller than the one Nico usually used - and Nico could feel other things inside. He unzipped the main pocket and found a first aid kit - with the demigod expansion pack, as Nico had come to call it - a tightly packed thermal blanket, and what looked to be a Celestial Bronze pocket knife. 

“I know you haven’t had to run off in a hurry recently,” Will explained as Nico searched through every part of his gift, “but the longer you stay put, the more I worry that you’re going to disappear at any second. You know how demigod life can be. I mean, just last week, Percy had to fight off a minor drakon that had tracked him down, and… I just don’t want you to get caught empty handed, or get hurt, or overexert yourself without me there to help you, so… Keep this handy, okay? This is your travel-sized version of me that I want you to take with you to keep you from dying.” 

Nico stuffed everything back into the bag and set it aside so that there was nothing between him and Will when he reached out to take Will’s face in his hands. He looked Will in the eyes as he promised him, “I’m not leaving any time soon, okay? And I don’t ever plan on leaving without you, but even if something happens when you’re not around, I’m always gonna come back to you, got it? Besides, you are so much more than that little bag’s worth of stuff. There’s no replacing the real thing.” 

“I didn’t say anything about replacing me,” Will told him with a pout that Nico kissed away as soon as it appeared. “I just want you to promise me that you’ll remember to take it with you if something does happen.” 

“I will, I promise,” Nico told him, and grinned as he said, “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” 

Will rolled his eyes, then dropped his forehead against Nico’s. “Gods, quit being such a sap. Can you just put on your shitty movie already?” 

Nico bumped his nose into Will’s. “Not until you kiss me back.” 

thanks for reading!

buy me a coffee | more holiday event stuff

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Welcome To The World, LittleBean: A Life Update

Dear Future Husband,

My sister had the baby! And it made me depressed.

I kind of receded from the world for a couple of weeks and stopped talking to people I enjoy talking to, and stopped doing things I enjoy doing, and kind of stayed in my room unless it was absolutely necessary to leave.

Why, might you ask, would I have done such a thing as a response to such a happy event?

Well, for some of the reasons I've written about previously. The emotional weight of the sadness that comes along with seeing a younger sibling live through something you yourself desire but feel you'll never have, is probably the biggest.

But another reason I've been really down is because of my mother.

Dear old MotherLivelyHeart has problems.

I think I've mentioned this previously, but if/when I marry, I will most definitely be marrying INTO a family and as "out" of my own as I possibly can.

MotherLivelyHeart suffers from anxiety and depression. Shocker, I know.

In fact, my inner voice is comprised mainly of her criticism and negativity. Shocker, I know.

Dear old MotherLivelyHeart has never really wanted to be a mother, as far as I can tell. Shocker? ...I dunno.

When I was growing up, my mother used to always say "I only had children for the grandkids" and everyone would laugh. But HAHA! it wasn't a joke. I figured out pretty early on that she was kind of serious with that statement.

But nothing in my life confirmed that until she was on the phone with her machutanim on the day LittleBean was born and repeated that sentiment to them.

So, all my life, she's struggled with being the parent she never wanted to be in order for us to have offspring that she could love and adore and spoil and then send home to their parents without having to parent herself.

THIS is the "home" I came from.

THIS is the parenting I received.

It's absolutely no wonder I'm so screwed up.

My mother has been overbearing my entire life. And a lot of it comes from her own insecurities and anxieties and lack of the world living up to her expectations. Which is kind of understandable.

The problem comes when those expectations come at the cost of other peoples' comfort and safety.

LilSis had a c-section. The baby wasn't exactly breached, but was flipped at a weird angle and stuck. The baby was also a meconium baby, so while it was already over a week past the due date, LilSis thought she still had time. But as it turned out there wasn't any time because when she went for what she thought was a routine check up, they induced her and after two days of labor and nothing happening, they did the c-section.

Now, LilSis made it clear earlier this year that she didn't want anyone at the hospital with her aside from her doula and husband. No visitors, family included. The rest of us seemed to accept this, but MotherLivelyHeart just kind of smirked and went, "yeah, ok, we'll see about that."

And I get that LilSis is her baby.

I get that it's not easy to see your child suffer.

I get that she's been waiting her whole life to be a grandmother.

I get that she's had expectations about what it would be like to meet her grandchildren, especially her first grandchild.

I. GET. IT.

But when LilSis facetimed and showed us the baby and B"H the baby looked fine but LilSis was clearly too pale and weak and dizzy and needed to get off the phone, but again repeated that she didn't want anyone coming to the hospital, dear old MotherLivelyHeart's response was that she wanted to "surprise" them at the hospital.

"I don't need to ask permission."

"I'm not a 'visitor', I'm her MOTHER."

"I don't need permission to see my own daughter."

"I know what she needs, I'll just drop it off, give her a hug and leave."

"I don't need to see her, I just want to see the baby."

UHM, NOOOOOOOOO.

Your daughter is almost 30.

She's been married for over half a decade.

She has a right to her space and her boundaries for her little nuclear family and YOU ARE CROSSING THEM by even THINKING that would be acceptable.

And the next day, my mother called LilSis and asked her about something she wanted to bring with her. LilSis made it clear that she didn't want anyone to come. When my mother didn't seem to get this, my brother in law texted her a kind "now isn't a good time" message and my mother felt "ganged up on".

She went into a tailspin.

"They don't like me."

"What did I ever do to them that they hate me so much?"

"I've been dissed and dismissed."

"They've cut me out of their lives."

And sooooooo many other thoughts along those lines.

There isn't even enough space here to describe all the insane things she did as a response to this "rejection" she was experiencing.

She was 100000000000% projecting her own thoughts, expectations, and experiences with her own c-section onto LilSis and the whole situation was absurd.

Then LittleBean ended up back in the hospital because of some complications and LilSis and her husband still wanted space.

Now, what MotherLivelyHeart doesn't know, because I will never tell her, is that I saw LittleBean before she did.

Because I'm actually supportive and respectful of boundaries, when they got home LilSis and her husband allowed me to come by and drop stuff off, and run some errands for them (while they were still keeping overbearing MotherLivelyHeart at arms length). So I met LittleBean like 3 or 4 times. And the babes is absolutely precious. <3

LilSis and her husband finally let MotherLivelyHeart over this past week to meet LittleBean and help out and it's like a switch was flipped. Suddenly everything for MotherLivelyHeart is sunshine and rainbows and I legit can't handle the mood swings.

But I digress....

One night last week I drove around and cried and screamed for an hour.

It absolutely sucks when you have no one to talk to.

Which brings me to the next part of my life update:

I finally spoke to a therapist.

So, I thought I was ghosted by the therapist I wanted to speak to. It took a few days, but he finally responded there was an issue with his online scheduler and he needed me to reschedule.

Fine, whatever.

I rescheduled for two weeks from that date (which had already been rescheduled from two weeks prior). So, now it's been a month and a half.

Fine, whatever.

Well, my meeting with him ended up being earlier this week. As it turns out, this therapist I wanted to speak to isn't taking on new clients at the moment, so he was acting more as triage for his practice and had a 15 minute zoom call with me before picking a therapist from his practice he thought I'd connect with.

So the next night I had an hour and a half zoom call with her and she's absolutely lovely and has experience working with children and adults who have experienced similar situations to the one I'm in.

For $120 I had my thought processes and experiences validated.

But that's pretty much it.

She told me I sound pretty level headed and understand what's healthy and what's not healthy in my life and in my past (which is one of the problems with being an overthinker, overanalyzer, and having done extensive research to try and figure out WTF is wrong with me), and she told me there are some exercises to try and reduce stress because it's clear that I'm overstressed and have been since I was a child, and even possibly since birth.

But these are all things I knew already. These are all things I've validated for myself. Yes, it's nice to hear a specialist say the same things, but for $120!?

I literally had to use unemployment money to pay for that. Unemployment that I'm going to have to end pretty soon.

How on EARTH am I supposed to be able to afford continued therapy when it costs so bloody much!?

It's absolutely awful that the people who need therapy the most are the ones who can't afford it.

And I found an organization that claims to help anyone who asks without needing an explanation, so I messaged them a brief "my life is a mess and I need to talk to a therapist. I found someone I think I can connect with, but it costs $120." and they sent me $10.

They said they help anyone who asks without an explanation.

I gave a valid explanation with a specific amount requested.

And they sent me $10.

It just so often feels like I'm banging my head against a wall.

Like I'm a joke to Hashem.

This random organization was like a beacon in the dark. A sign from Hashem that if I reach out for help, I can receive it.

He put this organization into my path and awareness just at the time that I needed it.

All so that He could mock me.

OF COURSE the therapy practice I chose doesn't take insurance.

Not that it would help, because my OBAMAdoesntCARE has been PENDING SINCE OCTOBER.

So OF COURSE I have to pay out of pocket.

And OF COURSE it costs so damn much.

And OF COURSE when I reach out for help I get laughed at.

What did they think I was supposed to do with the $10?

That's literally 1/12 of what I needed.

Even the Torah has us give more than that in maaser.

I legitimately don't understand.

Where do I have to go and what do I have to do to get a sugar daddy to pay for this so I can get my goddamn life in order!?

I'm literally drowning out here and God is throwing me half-deflated pool floaties.

On the bright side, I keep making amazing non-Jewish internet friends.

Do you know how much that sucks?

That I'm literally getting more support from non-Jewish internet friends that live halfway across the world than I am from my own community?

And it sucks even more to know that Hashem put those people into my path too!!

He literally keeps giving me things that He knows will make me feel worse because they make me feel better but also disconnected from the Jewish community, and not giving me things that would make me feel better and closer to Him and the Jewish community.

What am I supposed to do with that knowledge!?

I've often wondered if maybe I just wasn't meant to be Jewish. Like maybe there was some mistake and my mother isn't really Jewish and therefore I'm not Jewish and this is Hashem's way of telling me that I just need to separate myself from the Jewish world and go seek a secular life because that's truly who I'm supposed to be.

Except that my parents were married by a really chashuv community rav who did his research and would not have married my parents if there'd been even one safek as to her Jewishness.

And so, I'm stuck.

I'm stuck feeling constantly disconnected from the community that's supposed to be my rock and support. By the God who's supposed to be merciful and kind.

It's exhausting.

Are you out there? Do you feel the same? Are you a BT or ger or someone else who has lived both lives and can explain to me why yiddishkeit is better?

I have too much Jewish guilt to walk away from any of this, but I have too much mental stress to keep striving to be a part of it.

It's utterly exhausting to be stuck in the middle.

I hope you're doing better than I am.

-LivelyHeart

[dafukdidiwatch]

I’m actually pissed that this is a decent movie.

<A lot of spoilers>

Overview: Arctic Researchers/Scientists stumble on Nazis who live in the center of the earth who have survived by replacing their dying tissue for living ones in a bid for immortality.

And in order for me to talk about this film, I have to talk about this:

Fucking Sky Sharks.

I hate that movie.

I hate it So Much.

I bought it from a Walmart for $10 so what a waste of movie.

The first like, 10 minutes was the movie dragging on showing everyone in the plane in the worst way possible. An old swedish man watching shitty CGI sci-fi porn. A weird gang turn priest man which I for sure might have been the main character but had the weirdest backstory that goes no where and does nothing. Some drunk guy wanting to flirt with a stewardess and the joke is that she wasn’t a super model 20 something. So after going On and ON THEN the sharks come in to show how epic they are.

And they also suck ass. I couldn’t give a shit about the CGI this is a movie about nazi sky sharks I walked in not expecting quality.

Oh yeah, Nazi’s. Forgot to mention the Nazis. Because, you know, they made the sharks. And are also zombies who rose again to take over the world. And our first look is a female blond haired officer killing people in the longest and dullest way possible. Like, there is only so many ways you can decapicate a bunch of people with wires.

After that, move into the “plot” with random ass girl #1 and random ass girl #2 where girl #1 is also in the Antarctic (shocker) and finds a boat, goes in by herself without help/backup, finds out the zombies are not only in there, but also shark tanks because this is where they were raising the sharks.

So to recap: In the COLD NEGATIVE FROSTBITING SNOW COVERED DREADNAUGHT the nazis are not only alive and NOT freezing, but the great white sharks are also alive and NOT freezing. You can say bs science, I say bs movie.

Oh and you know what the sharks feed on?

Misogyny.

God this movie hates women so much. First, multiple porn shots/sexual harassment jokes on just the plane alone (again, first 10 minutes). Then the “sexy” female zombie commander because that’s what was in the Nazi Military: Women. Not saying shit about history or anything, just saying that I know a fetish when I see one. And the Random Ass Girl #1? The reason why she was at the boat in the first place is because she was on a solo rescue mission to help some researchers who found the boat. A Guy and A Girl. The Guy was like, killed normally or shot or something I couldn’t give a shit about. The Girl was stripped naked, hung upside-down by her foot, bare naked ass shown to us, as she is fed to the shark tank.

Yeah, real women friendly.

It also doesn’t help that when Random Ass Girl #1 gets stabbed with, I guess zombie venom for ReAsOnS, she has a shower scene where it shows her being affected and poisoned under her skin....but also how Hot she is by having it shot on her boobs, check, body stretching and curling to show ALL of her body. While under a show that’s in the middle of the fucking room like it’s Hannibal Lector’s bathroom.

And you that that would be the reason I hate this movie but it isn’t dammit. The movie was dull as hell. I’m only talking about the Misogyny for so long because it was the only thing that was actually worth mentioning. I didn’t give a shit about anything else!

The acting is bad and just monotone across the board. Apparently RAG#1 and #2 are like, rich spies from a super rich family corporation which took me a full as 20 minutes to realize. And they have no idea how the fuck to plot a movie! Finding out the sky sharks were because of Dear Old Granddad, results in THREE! SEPERATE! FLASHBACKS! EACH MORE BORING THAN THE LAST!!! I have no idea how you made working with NAZIS dull as shit but this movie found a way. Instead of having the history set in the beginning of nazis doing shit as a teaser to explain later, he just tells his fucking life story of how making Sky Sharks would save the Third Reich. And I Couldn’t Give A Shit.

It got so dull and bored that I literally fast forward through the entire movie to find interesting parts. Spoiler: there was none. Not even with more sharks like eating the world could it entertain me. I just fast forwarded to the very end, and only watched 30 minutes of a 90 minute movie. God I hate Sky Sharks.

So WHY am I bringing it up? Well, it really did set expectations and a bar for Nazis at the Center of the Earth. They both have rediculous titles that you can’t take seriously or expect “great things” from. They both deal with nazis, zombie-ish nazis, genetic research, scientists in the Arctic, and Nazi’s hiding in the Arctic. That is a lot, and I just watched Sky Sharks like 2 weeks before so this was very recent and absolutely in my head.

Which is WHY this movie was a very pleasant surprise.

We start with seeing Nazis doing action pact Nazi shit escaping for science! It even has that Wilhelm scream, but the movie has plot and vision. It didn’t make the nazis seem any more than being just army soldierd and has decent action and sets expectation for the rest of the movie.

And that’s like the big difference between this and Sky Sharks: The Treatment of the Nazis. The nazis here were treated, in my view, as powerful and dangerous. They are meticulous, uncaring, cold and distant. The head Nazi is actually Dr. Mengele, he is in this movie, and he is just so apathetic to everyone.

All the Nazi’s faces were covered in mask so you couldn’t see their faces, making them inhuman. And the first Nazi face we do see is Dr. Mengele as he just, slowly cuts the face off of a person. Methodically. Meticulously. He doesn’t even talk, doesn’t react as the person begs. Just does it. And was going to do it to the girl as well but because she kept talking science, he allowed her to live.

But it was close.

In the beginning it feels like two different movies because it cuts from two researchers who got kidnapped by Nazis surviving their own horror movie trying to escape, and the rest of the researchers being in a Survival Rescue Movie trying to find them. I honestly wanted to see more of the Nazi part because that was the more engaging section. It was filmed, framed, shot as a tense horror movie, where you don’t know if she will live or die.

I also want to approve of the lack of misogyny. Like, first, the Nazis are equal treatment terrible to everyone. They shot one of the researchers who wandered in because he was Jewish. (”I’m non-practicing” lol love that line). Second, the scenes that they did were filmed in a way to highlight the horror but not the sexiness of it. The guy and girl strapped to the table, they are both naked. We don’t see the whole naked body, just enough to establish it while censoring the rest. You see Dr. Mengele looking over them, but there isn’t sign of lust. He is viewing them both as just experiments (which also adds to the horror aspect but I digress). One of the girls ends up being thrown to the Nazi Officers to be raped and killed, but we don’t see that. She doesn’t have a shirt, but it isn’t films as a “sexy” moment, the camera doesn’t move or linger on her body. It is just a straight shot, where she tries to cover herself up. When they close in on her, crawling towards her, the camera focuses more on their approach than on her while at a distance. This is scary, but it isn’t sexualized. Which I approve and is a WAY PLUS from Sky Sharks.

This movie has an odd budget too. There is a lot of CGI. And it isn’t good. Not at all. It works to show things happening like CGI tanks...CGI snow/ice. CGI Robots and lasers. They don’t hide it at all. But then, they also have amazing makeup budget because the “ripping face scene” was amazing physical effects it looked so real. The Nazis are obviously frankenstein stitched up monsters, but they are well done in makeup and design. Like all the close up shit is amazing to look at.

Overall: It was an Alright Movie. Yes, there is plot. There is tension. There is fear trying to survive with the nazi. Bad CGI, and a bit campy at the end, but nothing to detract from the actual movie. It was a fun movie.

[artificialqueens]

Happiness Isn't Here, Chapter 2 (Jan-centric) - Joley

Chapter Summary: Jan really wants to be friends with Crystal’s girlfriend, Nicky. Gigi struggles to comprehend her attraction towards Jan. Brita gets further invested in Jan’s love life and confesses why she was so drawn to Jan.

ao3 link

It had been three days since Crystal had texted Jan, and Jan was getting frustrated at the lack of follow-up. She and Brita had visited most, if not all of the spots Crystal frequented, but to no avail. And now Jan was out for a jog, hoping to either clear her mind or have a breakthrough with a new idea. But all she got was a leg cramp and a strong pang of hunger.

There was a convenience store towards the end of the block, so Jan decided to do a quick shop. She wanted to get home right after and take a shower, flushed red and drenched in sweat from her run, she knew she must’ve looked like a hot mess.

Jan started to walk down the snack aisle, but instantly backed out and hid. “Oh, come on,” she whined to herself before carefully peering back into the aisle. Sure enough, Crystal was there and oblivious to Jan’s presence, much to her relief in her given state. “Wait, who’s that?”

A woman walked up to Crystal and wrapped her arms around her from behind. The first thing Jan noticed was that this woman – this unfairly gorgeous woman – was dressed entirely inappropriately for a trip to the convenience store. This woman was dressed for a high-end cocktail party, wearing a little red dress and black stilettos with hair that must’ve had taken at least an hour to style. She didn’t seem to belong in Missouri at all.

“Yeah, that’s Nicky,” a familiar voice pulled Jan from her thoughts.

“Fuck, how long have you been standing there?” Jan jumped slightly, putting her hand to her chest.

Gigi shrugged. “Not as long as you’ve been staring, I imagine,” she mused, then looked Jan over. “What happened to you? You look like hell.”

Jan huffed, crossing her arms with a pout. “I went on a run, thank you very much. I did a whole… half a mile.”

“Oh shit, didn’t realize you were training for a triathlon,” she teased.

“You too?” another woman, presumably one of Gigi’s friends, chimed in out of seemingly nowhere. “What’s your routine? I’m pretty sure I’ve got mine down, but-”

“It was a joke, Kameron,” Gigi cut her off.

Kameron wasn’t alone either, as a shorter brunette joined her side. “Who’s your friend, Gigi?” she asked. “This the girl from the party you was talkin’ about?”

Jan smirked as she looked from Gigi’s friends back to her. “You were talking about me?” she asked, twirling her ponytail around her finger.

“Never,” she retorted dryly. “Jan, let me introduce you to two friends, one brain cell. This is Kameron and Vanessa.”

“Vanjie.”

Gigi rolled her eyes. “She goes by Vanjie.”

Jan offered the two of them a bright smile. “So nice to meet you guys,” she said, though her attention started to shift when she heard the click of high heels on linoleum getting louder and the conversation between Crystal and Nicky entered earshot.

“Who’s the sweaty girl with Gigi?” Nicky asked with perturbed confusion.

“What?” Crystal looked where her girlfriend was pointing. “Jan?”

“You know her?”

Crystal swallowed thickly, her eyes darting back and forth between Nicky and Jan. “No! I mean yes. I mean… kind of?”

“Kind of?” Gigi chimed in. “I thought you guys were friends.”

“We are,” Jan jumped in to assure. “It’s just been a while since we saw each other at summer camp,” she explained, happy to be able to tell the truth. “It’s been a while, we were–”

“Ten!” Crystal abruptly cut in. “That’s why the details are a little hazy, you know? It’s been so long.”

Jan furrowed her brows and looked at Crystal with a mix of hurt and confusion on her face. She tried to meet her eyes, hoping she’d explain, but to no avail – Crystal wasn’t looking at her at all, her eyes were fixed on Nicky.

Nicky did look skeptical, though she didn’t say so. “Well, you did smoke away most of your brain cells, I guess that makes sense,” she decided, watching as her girlfriend’s entire body relaxed in relief. Then her attention shifted to Jan, whom she offered a polite smile. “So nice to meet you,” she said, offering her hand out – not to shake, it was more like she was presenting it on display.

Not that Jan questioned it; she surmised that it fit the way Nicky carried herself. “The pleasure’s all mine,” she chirped, taking her hand and kissing the back of it.

“What is it that you do?” Nicky questioned as she looked her over.

“Jan’s a lawyer!” Crystal jumped in yet again, though this time it appeared to be in Jan’s defense. “You just started at a firm out here, right?”

Jan nodded, ignoring the way her chest was still aching. “Yeah, it’s been going super well so far. What about you, Nicky?”

“I am a professional hairstylist,” she answered stiffly. “I do Beyoncé’s personal trainer’s sister’s hair, it’s very high-profile.”

Both Gigi and Crystal, with slight grimaces, had opened their mouths to say something, but Jan cut right in. “Really? Oooh, how fun! You should totally let me know if you’re ever taking new clients.”

Crystal winced and once again tried to interject, but Nicky answered before she could. “I do think I can fit you in, as a courtesy at least. Since you are a friend of Crystal’s,” she told her, then rifled through her purse until she pulled out a business card and handed it to Jan.

While neither Jan nor Nicky had noticed how Crystal was stressing out and Kameron and Vanessa had long since wandered off, Gigi noticed and cocked her head to the side so Crystal would follow her down the next aisle. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing!” Crystal insisted. “I just… don’t think it’s a good idea for Jan and Nicky to be friends. You know how she gets.”

“I guess,” Gigi shrugged. “But Jan seems pretty non-threatening, it’s not like you guys fucked or anything, right?”

She swallowed thickly. “Right. Because we only knew each other as kids and that would be weird,” she reminded herself, not wanting to forget the lie she’d established.

Her friend was dubious, but allowed it to slide. “So… Jan is definitely available, then?”

Crystal’s eyes lit up, this was perfect. “She is. Are you into her, Geege? Because you should ask her out, she’s great. And you’re great. So it would be, you know, great.”

Gigi shrugged, glancing down. “I dunno,” she told her, though a slight smile tugged at her lips. “Maybe.”

Before Crystal could argue her case further, Nicky rounded the corner. “Crystal, come on, we’re gonna be late,” she whined.

“We better go,” Crystal said to Gigi. “But think about what I said.”

——

Jan looked at her phone – 12:48 pm. She was a bit early for her hair appointment, by no accident. As soon as she stepped inside, she wanted to try to fit in a bit of a tour.

The salon reminded Jan of the one she would visit during the winter break she had spent in Beverly Hills. It was clean and chic and everyone who worked there could’ve moonlighted as a Victoria’s Secret model. Normally, she wasn’t intimidated by that, but she found herself cutting her tour short as anxiety started twisting her stomach into knots. Sure, she was used to the high-end life, but that didn’t make her ‘cool’. Jan didn’t know how to be cool – her ideal Friday night consisted of Chinese food, a bottle of wine, and her library of bootleg musicals.

But Nicky? Nicky oozed cool out of every invisible pore. It sent Jan back to her middle school days when she would see the popular kids and silently yearned to unlock the secrets to social acceptance. And while thirteen-year-old Jan had found the answer when she started high school without braces and with newly-developed D-cups, things were far less simple in adulthood.

“Jan?” The girl at the front desk pulled her back into reality. “You can go ahead and take the middle chair. Nicky will be right with you.”

Jan nodded and thanked her as she moved to take her seat. By the time Nicky made her way over, her racing thoughts had slowed to a walking pace, something she was eternally grateful for.

“Your hair is so thick and smooth,” Nicky observed, a hint of surprise in her tone. “You’re Italian?”

“Half Italian, half Jewish,” she confirmed. “Lots of hair on both sides.”

“I could tell from your arms,” she remarked offhandedly, but by then she was massaging shampoo into Jan’s scalp, rendering her too blissed out to register the comment.

Jan was entranced almost instantly, and she understood why Nicky worked at the only salon in Springfield with a near five-star rating. She had gotten actual massages that were less satisfying, and she was already certain she would be happy with any final result. “So, how long have you and Crystal been together?” she asked after a brief silence, curious as to how her answer would compare to Gigi’s.

“Since I moved here in the tenth grade,” Nicky answered. “Not consistently, but that isn’t the important thing.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re together now,” Jan murmured through gritted teeth, regretting bringing it up in the first place and deciding to change the subject. “This place is so nice, how long have you worked here?”

Nicky was too focused on Jan’s hair to notice the shift in tone. “About a year and a half, I cannot complain, but the goal is to open my own salon. I even think I can poach some of these girls to come with me,” she told her. “But securing a space is impossible.”

“I work in real estate law, you’re preaching to the choir,” she nodded, though her mind was already doing a speedrun of ideas. This was the ‘in’ she needed, how she could win Nicky’s favor and be her friend.

The comment didn’t connect the dots for Nicky, who finished Jan’s hair and spun her around. “And we’re done, what do you think?”

Jan gasped, her eyes bright and wide. It wasn’t an act, she was genuinely impressed with what Nicky had done. She had only trimmed a couple of inches off, but the styling was pristine, she never wanted to wash her hair again because she was afraid she could never get it back to this. “It’s gorgeous, oh my God.” As she got up and paid her, she added “Don’t stop thinking about getting your own salon, in fact, text me the info about the space you’re trying to secure,” with a wink.

Nicky’s intrigue outweighed her trepidation. “I guess you can give it your best shot, then. Landlord’s a real asshole, though.”

——

Brita eagerly led Jan into an empty conference room and set a folder down on the table. “Okay, so, what’s the plan? Before you say anything, I already looked it up and we can’t deport her to France unless we frame her for murder.”

Jan shut the door behind her and rushed to Brita’s side with concern and confusion. “What the hell are you talking about? No one’s being deported or framed for murder or… seriously, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Isn’t that what you were up to at your little hair appointment? Getting close to Nicky to find her weaknesses and exploit them to get her out of the picture? Everyone overshares at hair salons, it’s just how it works,” she explained as she opened the folder up. “I printed out all of the important social media posts dating back from when she started dating Crystal.”

“Brita, that’s eleven years’ worth of posts!”

She scoffed. “And? Do you want your happy ending with Crystal or not? Nicky is an obstacle in your way, she is the enemy.”

Jan rolled her eyes. “I don’t want her to be the enemy. I like her. She’s so cool and pretty and she smells nice and–”

Brita grabbed Jan by the shoulders and shook her. “Listen to yourself! This isn’t the Jan and Nicky love story, it’s the Jan and Crystal love story. The last thing you need to do is go all starry-eyed over, and I cannot stress this enough, Crystal’s girlfriend.”

“Okay, so, I get that you wanna help and I really appreciate it, but I promise I totally have this under control. You keep working on your plans, I’m sure they’re great.”

She sighed and let go of Jan. “I’m sorry, I know I’m intense and everything, but I just really like you and want to help you. I’ve always wanted a daughter, you know? I have a fourteen year old son, and he’s an asshole.”

Jan’s expression softened. “Aw, I didn’t realize… but that’s sweet, and it’d be nice to have a mother figure that isn’t massively disappointed in me right now. Don’t ask, it’s a story for another day.” Ideally that day would never come, but she didn’t expect Brita to let her off the hook on that either. “On that note, um, don’t get mad, but I’m getting brunch with Nicky tomorrow. But it’s a business brunch.”

“A business brunch?” Brita looked at her skeptically.

“I’m helping her get her own salon. The landlord’s a jerk but he’s only like, a four out of ten compared to what I’ve dealt with. And…” she strummed her fingers against the table as she tried to think on her feet. “Think of it this way – if she’s busy at her own salon, she’ll have less time with Crystal.”

Brita beamed and cupped Jan’s face, squishing her cheeks. “There’s that Harvard-Columbia brain at work, I knew you had a plan. You didn’t need to worry me like that, missy.”

Jan pressed her lips into a fine line and nodded. “It won’t happen again.”

——

Jan tried to keep her conversation with Brita in mind when she was out to brunch with Nicky, she really did put in an effort. But then she found out mid-mimosa that they got the location for the salon and Nicky showered her with gracious praise and it all went out the window. Jan’s latent praise kink and overwhelming desire to win Nicky over was more than enough to keep her from heeding Brita’s warning.

So, it didn’t end at business brunch. They wound up back at Jan’s house, talking, laughing, drinking, as if they had been friends this whole time. And Jan was becoming more and more convinced that in the end, she could have the best of both worlds – she could have Crystal as her girlfriend and Nicky as her bestie. There was no downside in that, right?

“Have you heard of The Nebula?” Nicky asked as she set the glass down on the coffee table, “It’s this cool, exclusive club downtown. Crystal and I were planning on going tomorrow night, you should come.”

Jan nearly spilled her drink with how quickly she perked up. She almost couldn’t believe this had worked so well and so fast. “Really? Oh my god, yeah, that’d be so much fun. I am such a club girl.”

“You’re so fun,” Nicky giggled, resting her head on Jan’s shoulder. “I love how fun you are, we’re gonna have the best time ever. You’re totally not the cunty east coast bitch I thought you’d be.”

“Aw, thank you!” Jan hugged Nicky from the side.

Nicky had ended up staying into the late afternoon, waiting until she was sober enough to take care of some things at the salon, but happily reminded Jan several times over that they would be going to The Nebula the next day at nine.

——

“Alright, are you gonna tell me what’s on your mind or not?” Crystal prompted as she watched Gigi absentmindedly clean the same glass for the third time.

Gigi looked up, finally putting the glass away and tossing the towel over her shoulder. “You know damn well I try to keep my head empty at any given moment.”

Even though Crystal might have agreed at times, she wouldn’t take that as an answer. “Come on, you’ve been weird ever since we all ran into each other at the store the other day.”

“I just…” she hesitated, chewing on her lip. “What’s her deal, anyway?”

“Who?”

“Jan.”

Crystal smirked. “See? I knew you liked her. You never act like that around girls like you did at the store. I don’t know what the hold-up is, she’s cool.”

Gigi snorted. “Cool isn’t the word I’d use, babe,” she retorted dryly, then added, “you sure she’s not into you?”

“What? Of course not. I told you already, we were kids, remember?” Despite how comically suspicious her voice was, Gigi didn’t push her any further, so she continued. “Hey, Jan’s coming with us to Nebula tonight. You should come, it could be like a cute double date.”

After a bit of hesitation, Gigi nodded. “Yeah, alright. My shift ended ten minutes ago anyway, I just gotta get home and change.”

The four of them met at Jan’s house, as she lived the closest to downtown, and took an Uber (Jan happily upgraded them to the best option) to the club. Considering they were four attractive women in mini dresses, they were granted entry easily and went right to ordering rounds of drinks.

It only took a few drinks to get Crystal and Nicky on the dance floor, giggling and grinding to the beat. But Nicky stopped after a couple minutes when she realized Jan and Gigi were still lingering awkwardly at the table, and simply had to remedy that. She jogged back to the table and grabbed both of them by the arm. “Come on, Jan, dance with Gigi,” she insisted, pushing them together.

“I didn’t expect you to come,” Jan admitted as she draped her arms around Gigi’s neck. “This doesn’t seem like your scene. Like, you probably think the music is too generic and the drinks are too sweet.”

“Well, both of those things are true.” Gigi rested her hands on Jan’s waist, the two of them doing the bare minimum to count as dancing. “But Crystal dragged me out and I thought it might be fun to watch you get drunk and make an ass out of yourself.”

Jan scoffed. Sure, she was a lightweight and already tipsy, but she thought she could ignore it if she tried hard enough. “Why don’t you get me another drink then, Captain Cynical?”

“Oh, I’m a captain? Here I thought I was just Lieutenant Cynical,” she teased, then let go of her to go to the bar.

While Jan was waiting, Nicky came back over and pulled her to dance with her and Crystal. “You and Gigi look good together,” Nicky remarked.

“You’d look good with anyone,” Jan mused playfully. “Oh my god, if we hooked up, we’d all be even!” She gasped, gesturing between the three of them and giggling at what she thought was a funny observation.

But Nicky and Crystal all but froze in their tracks. “What do you mean by that?”

Jan glanced at Crystal, suddenly remembering the lie she’d helped commit to. “I just, um…” To her relief, Gigi had rejoined them at that moment. “Oh good, you’re back!” She quickly took the drink and started to down it.

“No, no, tell me what you meant by that,” Nicky insisted.

Realizing she had been caught, Jan thought the only option was to tell the truth. “I meant, well, you and Crystal are together, and we, um… used to be…”

“You both said you weren’t,” Gigi cut in. “You both insisted you weren’t. What the fuck?”

“I just didn’t wanna make things weird!” Crystal defended. “But… yeah… Jan and I were actually sixteen when we met and um… did stuff.”

Nicky’s face reddened with anger. “I can’t believe you both lied to me!” She turned to Crystal. “We are leaving and will be talking about this. And you,” she turned to Jan, “just stay away from us.”

Although Jan tried to object and plead her case, Nicky was already storming out of the club with Crystal in tow, leaving her alone with Gigi. “Don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it.”

“For a Harvard-Columbia grad, you’re kind of stupid, aren’t you?”

Jan pouted and nodded.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

Jan nodded again.

Gigi wrapped her arm around Jan’s shoulders and walked her out of the club and got into an Uber with her once it arrived.

The ride was quiet, enough so that by the time they arrived at Jan’s house, she was asleep with her head in Gigi’s lap.

Being rail-thin and fragile looking in comparison, Gigi struggled carrying Jan into the house and placing her on the couch. “God, you’re more trouble than you’re worth,” she muttered to herself before taking the blanket off the back of the couch and draping it over Jan.

Just as Gigi was in the middle of contemplating if she should stay or leave, Jan started to wake up. “Ah, it lives.”

Jan looked around, slowly realizing that she was on her couch, and that Gigi tucked her in. She pushed herself to sit up a bit. “Um… thank you, you know, for helping me in. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, I know you’re probably pissed at me too.”

“Oh, I am,” Gigi readily assured. “But you look like a sad baby deer, so I can’t just abandon you, I guess,” she decided. “You need help getting to bed, Bambi?”

“Please,” Jan mumbled. The two of them went upstairs and Jan stepped into the bathroom to get changed and wash her face. Then once again, Gigi tucked her into bed.

Once Jan was sound asleep, Gigi went downstairs and crashed on the couch. But she woke up early in the morning and left without a trace. Without the alcohol softening her heart, she found herself mad at the fact that she so easily overlooked what Jan did in favor of taking care of her. And what was worse was that she still liked her.

When Jan woke up, she went downstairs, only to find her house empty. She felt a pang of disappointment, only to perk up at a knock on the door. “Gigi?” No answer, so with another wave of hopefulness she asked “Crystal?” as she opened the door.

“How funny, Gigi and Crystal are exactly who we need to talk about,” Brita huffed as she walked inside. “You are skating on thin ice,” she warned, walking Jan to the couch and sitting down. “What happened last night?”

Jan sighed. “Nicky found out Crystal and I were together and now she hates me and Gigi took me home. That’s it.”

Brita pinched the bridge of her nose. “I was afraid of this,” she muttered and took a deep breath. “It’s fine, we just need a new plan.”

[weaselbeaselpants]

That Krispy Cat: A Warning, part 3

The last of the images cause I don’t want this bitch on my computer anymore. 

Knowing tumblr I kept the images hidden JUUUUST in case no one reads the fine print and can’t tell I’m being critical of this and gets me in trouble.

VVV ((Just in case you thought the JewishGriffon piece assured everyone that Crispy couldn’t POSSIBLY hate people of color, some of her earliest Nazi art had her character Klaus beating up Amigo Bear. She also made Amigo into a liberal strawman. )) VVV

((Dialogue to one of her TROLLARIOUS pictures that featured Amigo:

Amigo Bear: *muttering* "Your leader was a !@#$% little #@%^!@$^*!, you fascist feather duster..." General Klaus: "Fräulein, Ich vant you to cover your ears und shut your eyes as tight as you can." Crispy: "How come, General?" General Klaus: "Klaus ist about to say und do very bad sings zhat he does not vant his little Edelweiß to see or hear." Crispy: "Alrighty!" General Klaus: "WHO SAID ZHAT ABOUT DER FÜHRER? WER DIE FICK GESAGT? WHO'S ZUH SCHLEIMIG LITTLE COMMUNIST-SCHEISS SCHWANZLUTSCHER DOWN ZHERE, WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH VARRANT? NIEMAND?! GOTTVERDAMMT STALIN SAID IT! HERVORRAGEND! VHICH VUN OF YOU VANTS TO BE ZUH FIRST TO FIND OUT ZUH HARD VAY VHY MEIN FEINDE CALLED MIR DER BUTCHER BIRD?" ))

^^^ ((BUTOPHERARTISGOODSOYOUCAN’TCOMPLAIN

also the disc. for this pic before it was deleted had a ‘joke’ about cooking Jews in ovens. Oh and yes, that IS Hitler she’s giving that ugly ass cupcake too.))

^^^ (( - Thanks dA I never would have known I had a notifications unless eclipse blah -

This is one of her rants about how #Triggered she is that Starlight be compared to the Nazis when she runs a communist cult. Because A) that’s the real problem here and B) I too get upset when people say my OC is based on Jeffrey Dahmer when he’s so CLEARLY based on Ed Gein, Bwwwaaaah D> D> D> !)) ^^^

VVV ((Ugly art of her friend’s awful OCs.)) ^^^

VVV ((Crispy showing off why no one wants to be a patriot in our country.)) VVV

((FYI, Crisp, that attitude will make the Hamilton fans stronger so just keep that SJW-flinging coming you little SJW.

WHAT?! Social Justice is a broad term and as Crispy’s plainly demonstrated, you can circle it around and make a majority-class sound like the real underprivledged if you have enough fancy frou frou know-how and furries. Also, if a Social Justice Warrior constitutes someone who takes their cause soooo seriously that they’re annoying/petting/cruel/stupid about it....idk I think Crispy qualified.))

^^^ ((Crispy and her friend muse about what other races occupy the world of MLP in her headcanon. This, more than any other dA disc. and picture shows you her brand of “Segregationist-Nationalism is OKAY” thinking, cuz the art of these different races isn’t super offensive or cruel and neither are the characters. BUT if you scratch under the surface you’ll find that Crispy really likes these different people staying in their place and not in “someone else’s” country.

THEN, this same kind of thinking is used to convince you any mix of cultures is just cultural appropriation, again acting like she and her Nazi-stans are the only ones standing up to actual bigotry.)) VVV

^^^ ((Crispy makes the world a worse place by bringing up actual decent points; like how Americans dress Thanksgiving up as progressive and for the natives when we all know that’s not true...all to better her worldview.

fyi, GET OUT whenever you see a selfproclaimed Nazi fawn over Native Americans, because: Nazi Germany had a deep fascination with American Indians and used their struggles about their land being taken away from them to justify their eugenic genocide.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy laughing it up on Furaffinity how she couldn’t be banned from her Furaffinity and then mysteriously never using her site there wowie.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy complaining about SOPA cause her freedom of speech and blahblahblah.

Freedom of Speech is important. Unfortunately what people like Crispy don’t understand or care for is there’s no freedom of consequence. )) vvv

VVV ((LOL Joseph Mengele was such a stinkah let’s tell blithe jokes about him. At least WE AREN’T LIKE HIM!!!)) VVVV

VVV ((Early onset eugenic BS from her Spyro stuff that would be easy to miss if you didn’t know what this woman was talking about)) VVV

((Crispy admitting she thinks gays are pointless cuz they don’t reproduce but apparently loves them anyway. Also big shock Crispy’s seen Hetalia.)) VVV

VVV ((Crispy probably wanting Weeaboos to attack her cuz aren’t Japan’s animations so laaaaaaazy?!!?!? GUUdd think’ I’m a naziaboo! Germany’s never made any shitty animation evah. You know what, I lied. She doesn’t deserve Hetalia. She just doesn’t.)) VVVV

VVV ((Crispy dragging Brazil down with her as the apparent “Best South American Country”. Yikes.)) VVV

VVV ((More “it’s trolling ergo it’s not harmful” shit. Bulgarians probably do deserve their own Care Bears, but they certainly don’t want yours Crispy.)) VVV

VVV ((Disc. for her Richard Spencer bear art)) VVV

------

I know, I know...this isn’t what you wanted to read today, guys. I know it’s offensive and I’m sorry if it made you ill. I also know I’m putting my own blog under fire by showing these images here but I think that should say something about dA’s bad policies that this art gets a filter slapped on it and nothing more when the artist is blatantly pro-fascist.

Crispy resonates with me so much - and no it’s not cause I DARED to be “triggered”.

It’s because, for one, she was talented. I MEAN I HAVE EYES! That’s some nicely drawn digital stuff I’m not gonna deny. She had some cool rewrites and sequel ideas that, had it come from someone else I would have eaten up and faved to hell and back onceupona2012. But I didn’t, where a ton of MLP and furry fans did because they undervalued their own talents and would say “well it’s pretty who cares about the message?” 

Unlike so many commercial+published artists, it’s REALLY hard to separate the art from the artist here because the artist is so connected and a part of her art and storytelling. If you fav her art, even if you didn’t like her, that was telling Crispy she’d won. It’s so defeating to have other artists say their gonna ignore their gut for the sake of prettypretty-Don-Bluth style art. And yes, that stigma DOES affect my view on 2D purists btw.

Crispy was so holier than thou’, and that attitude also was appealing to dA folks, not to mention her knowledge of art history by the time she dropped off the radar. Crispy was the kind of person who’d make long, detailed, justified rants against the design and color choices in Hazbin Hotel and then a bunch of antis would eat her redesigns up only to learn the awful truth later and embarrass themselves cuz they were so taken up by the craft they didn’t know they were reblogging a fucking Nazi.

Not to underplay Viv’s wrongdoings of course, but I’m sorry; the two aren’t comparable on the problematic artist meter. THAT’S HOW BAD CRISPY WAS.

If this somehow was just a faze and she’s come to her senses or doesn’t really think this shite she preaches...I don’t care. She said some vile shit and fuck no I’m not forgiving her. It’s like KenDraw or Shadman. You’ve changed your life around and realized you’ve done/drawn nasty shit that’s done real harm? Cool....I’m still not talking or ever promoting you, ya dingbat. You ain’t no Roman Polanski or Doug Tennaple. You’re a singular internet artist and any support of the project has to go to you - and you suck!

ThisCrispyKat was a wakeup call that showed me these people not only still exist but will be allowed to get away with it. I was very touchy bout this kind of thing back in the day. Fuck, I STILL AM TOUCHY. The rabbit holes I found thanks to Crispy opened up to reveal communities where people think my hair color’s going extinct. People would detail how much they wanted to rape me - a natural blonde - and kill my friends and family for not looking like me. That they want to jerk off in my naturally curly hair and see me in glowy German princess gowns preparing them dinner.

Crispy and other Nazistans would look at me; a blond-haired blue eyed Polish/German American woman and think I need to be “fixed” because I DARE to repeat propaganda that the Nazis were bad. They’d call me a traitor for thinking that celebrating the Nazi party ISN’T German pride.

HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT’S GERMAN PRIDE! I’LL SHOW YOU GERMAN PRIDE YOU EGOSTROKING-LIMPDICKED ATTENTION WHORES.

People like Crispy make it 1000x harder to actually show interest in German things. Because I AM interested in German shit btw.

Like for real: it’s a country I’d love to visit one day (at least the black forest, which is where my mom’s fam comes from). I love German art and German fairytales slap. I really do want to explore my heritage through art and stuff.

But guess what? Much as Crispy would argue to the contrary I DO know my WWII history and beyond and FUCK YOU if you honestly think jerking it to cuddly Nazi-furs is empowering or just “showing your interest in history”. Take your own advice and read a god-damn book.

TL;DR: I DO NOT have to be proud of Nazis to enjoy German culture and if you think otherwise, FUCK YOU. It’s a slap in the face to everyone even if you are ‘just trolling’ and it in no way values actual German’s feeling on the matter. It’s annoying how people undervalue real people just for the sake of fan art.

The Nazis were evil. They were racist, eugenic-genocidal idiots who killed over six million Jewish people, Romani, Slavs, Jehovahs Witnesses, disabled people, Poles, homosexuals and prisoners of war. They would have killed my dad’s side of the family if they were in Poland at the time. They made bullshit tanks that killed the people making them and didn’t work on the battlefield. Their leader was a fat, farting one-testicaled bastard who preferred animals to people.

They ruined everything for everyone and then took the easy way out, leaving the Germans that were left in the hands of the also-genocidal Soviets and Americans. Germany is still paying their war debts and now, 70-80 years later everyone else wants to laugh off this dark period of history with memes and forget what they did, and as such, are forgetting the victims of the genocide.

I have 0 tolerance for Nazi things for the sake of HUMANITY, let alone the individual groups they target. I don’t have to have German ancestry or know a single Jewish person to tell you any of this. It’s fucking history.

Eat shit.