#and after that i just kinda had a sour taste in my mouth because all of their followers were bashing it as well

[imogen-rhitt]

Imogen looked down at the pack of toothbrushes and that there were...multiple missing, but forced herself not to dwell on that. What - she thought Theo was going to never feel the touch of another human after she broke their heart? For gods sake Imogen get a god damn grip. So she silenced her thoughts and just yanked one of the toothbrushes out of the packet carefully. Turning to look at them as they mentioned making a joke about riding her she broke out into a cheeky grin, because the exact same thought had run through her mind as well. "I almost asked if I was the kind of rollercoaster you'd want to ride, but since it's a been there done that kind of situation I changed my mind." It was silly that saying that made her feel so vulnerable but she was considering asking a huge question of them if she finally managed to get it out her mouth without vomit overtaking. If you want me - the words hung in the air between them as they looked at each other, the red toothbrush forgotten in Imogen's left hand.

"That was kinda uh...yeah that was sort of...hold on let me brush my teeth." She mumbled before squeezing some toothpaste onto the brush, not wanting to stand here gross any longer. Starting to scrub at them she felt the minty flavour fill up her mouth and it was a welcome change from the sour taste she'd had there before. "Yeah...well that was meant to be part of the PR of the engagement, i told you it's basically feeling like a PR stunt at this point." She mumbled through the act of brushing her teeth, words coming out a bit muffled. "That I would do a bridal line next so women who were getting married like me would have somewhere to get their dream dress...or some bullshit like that. I don't know." It was so manufactured if she hadn't just thrown up there was every chance she'd been feeling nauseous over the words that had just come from her mouth. Quickly ducking her head under the tap she rinsed out the toothpaste before standing up again - finally a little more respectable looking. Well...feeling.

"So yeah uh about that thing I was saying in the kitchen." She could feel her hands shaking a little so she reached behind her to take hold of the sink, if she was holding something maybe it wouldn't be as obvious. "And then you just saying before like 'if you'll have me' i don't if you mean...like I don't know how you mean that...but like...could you see a world where maybe ever we could get to a place where we are like...you know..." Fuck, none of these words were coming out right, and she was going all hot and cold at the same time as she offered up erratic half sentences. No idea if she was even making sense. "Fuck...what even are words right? I'm making such a mess of them. Making no sense." @theoxkent

Imogen smiled as they helped her to sit down, allowing them to put the bobby pins in her hair. Putting her hands under her chin when they were done, as if posing for a photoshoot. "Do I look like a model?" chuckling as she put her hands on her thighs, letting out a sigh. "Hey, can I borrow some toothpaste, just to, like, rinse out my mouth with it. I feel like otherwise I'm breathing all over you with...puke breath." Imogen pulled a face at her own turn of phrase, wishing this hadn't happened because she'd rather look cute and put together for Theo. Or hot. Throwing up in their toilet was not hot, far from it.

"Rollercoasters like the kind people actually want to ride? Or the kind that makes them throw their guts up like I just did? Because i'm not sure the second kind is really a good thing." Imogen laughed softly, scratching the bridge of her nose as it crinkled. Second thoughts? About calling off the engagement? Absolutely fucking not. She was stressed about having to tell her fiancee...although she would probably take the coward's way out and call when she knew he would be busy so she could leave a voicemail. Not like he'll care about it for any other reason than the optics for his career after all - the first person he'd call upon picking up the message wouldn't be her, it would be his publicist, she was willing to bet money on it. "No, god no. I'm not having second thoughts about calling it off. It's as true this morning as it was last night. I'm worried about the backlash it's going to potentially cause in the media but I guess there is nothing I can really do about that, I'm sure I'll be painted as a villain to give him a pity arc..." Again she'd be willing to bet money on that as well. "And the whole bridal line I've been working on for months will be redundant, but no I'm not having second thoughts about calling it off. Quite the fucking opposite actually." She thought back to what she had been intending to say to them before all this happened, playing with her fingers nervously. The way they were standing between her legs, cupping her face and looking down at her in a way that made her just want to melt inside. @theoxkent

[cosmics-beings]

Hey what are your thoughts on starbee?

Ohh it's a good ship and i like it and share fanart of it and stuff, but it isn't really a ship that I personally ship on my own! like I've written for it, and I share stuff but for personal reasons I am not like a hardcore shipper of it but it's alright! like I used to ship it a lot but not so much anymore. but it's a really cute ship I'm just indifferent.

[rueclfer]

Fake Dating Pt 2 // Bakugou

a/n thank you for loving the first part so much! i hope you love this fluffy, wholesome moment as well :'-)

-

You wake up with a sour taste in your mouth. The headache wasn't so splitting thanks to the amount of water you had been forced to chug the night before, but beyond that, every other memory of last night seemed hazy.

I'm home... It's 9am...I'm in my bed, and I'm safe.

You release a sigh of relief and rub your eyes of the morning grogginess. You scroll through your phone, trying to replay the contents of last night, until you get to the bottom of your conversation with Katsuki. You suddenly remember why you started drinking so much in such a short amount of time in the first place.

You kissed him. You kissed him and you ran away because you couldn't deal with your feelings, and now you're here having to pray the memory away. Maybe you could play it off as a part of the bit? Surely, he would understand the drastic measures you needed to take to ensure that no one else from the other classes around would bother him anymore.

You smother a pillow into your face and scream in frustration as well as cringing at yourself, all while trying to remember the way his lips felt against yours in the back or your head.

"FUCK!" You exclaim loudly, throwing the pillow across the room.

Immediately, your bedroom door swings open, causing you to scream at the sudden intrusion.

"Jesus fucking christ, Y/N. What happened?!" Katsuki comes in, holding the metal bar from your towel holder, with only his boxers on.

You were going to throw up. Yup. You were 100% going to throw up and then throw yourself out the window.

You immediately cover your eyes with your hands.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" You scream back.

He had probably only been around to your apartment a few times with the others, but he clearly made himself comfortable.

"How the fuck do you think you got home last night?" He sighs, lowering his guard and makeshift weapon. "I was scared you were going to throw up in your sleep or something so I crashed on the couch... and used your shower."

You two stare at each other for a moment. You noticed his hair was still wet with droplets of water falling off onto his shoulders and chest. You tried not to stare and to maintain eye contact, but he was quite literally shirtless... and in his boxers...in your room... alone.

Realization finally hits you.

"Did you change me out of my clothes?" You slowly say, looking down at your pajama shirt and shorts that had replaced last night's outfit.

He pressed his lips together. "Yeah, but the lights were off."

You face flares with heat.

"Katsuki." You groan in your hands with embarrassment. "What the fuck?"

"What do you mean, what the fuck? Isn't that the polite thing to do? I didn't even look and I took your makeup off too, you're fucking welcome." He rolls his eyes.

"In return, I'm stealing your All Might band tee."

"Fine, dumbass. Top drawer on the far right." You huff.

"I know." He digs through the drawer, pulls out the tee and slides it over his head before making his way to your bed.

"Aht aht! What are you doing?" You say, threatening to throw another pillow at him.

"Didn't you want to talk about last night?" He smirks knowingly. "A refresher perhaps?"

You groan and rub your temples. "You're so annoying." You mutter. "Okay, the kiss. Let's talk about the kiss because if I have to talk- or even think about it anymore after this, I might just explode."

"Mmm okay. The kiss." He begins, flopping down on your bed and propping himself up with his elbow. "And before we continue, do you happen to remember everything else that happened after you scurried off in embarrassment?"

You froze. Everything else? What else was there to discuss besides the kiss?

"I mean yeah, kinda?" You try to recall. "We kissed, I went to go get a drink, got drunk in the bathroom, and then you came and took me home?" You open your phone to show him your text conversation. "What else was there?"

A smile grew on his face. "Angel face, I hate to break it to you but I don't think the kiss was the main event of the night."

Panic starts to set in. "We didn't hook up, did we?"

"No. I wouldn't do that to you, one. And two, I'm sure you'd be able to feel it if we did." He smirks.

You slam a pillow down on his face. "Stop fucking around with me! If not that, then what is it? Because you're scaring me now, Katsuki. Did I go streaking through the house? Did I get in a fist fight with someone? Did I confess my undying love to someone?"

"Not to that dramatic extent, but yeah pretty much." He shrugs.

"I'm going to fucking choke you out." You gripped the comforter in frustration "YEAH PRETTY MUCH TO WHICH PART?"

There was a beat of silence between you two, but your heart was racing out of your chest.

"It's not a big deal....if you don't want it to be a big deal, but in your drunken state, you essentially told me that you had feelings for me." He says, pressing his lips together trying to anticipate your reaction.

Your mouth gape open, and the air from your lungs expel. "I need to give me line by line breakdown of what the fuck I said last night."

It felt like you were on the verge of passing out. Not only did you embarrass yourself, but you had also managed to ruin your dynamic with Katsuki in the span of a few drunken hours.

"Well when I found you, you were pissed at me for no reason. So I asked you if it was because you kissed me- because again, how the fuck does it make sense that you're mad at ME when you were the one that- anyways besides that, I asked you, and you started crying and shit and then told me you LIKE-liked me." He says, all while fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "That's pretty much it, but imagine that you're full on crying and snotting all over me and in hysterics ya know."

You were silenced. You had terribly fucked up and knew that there was no way you could backtrack. You had complicated feelings about Katsuki and your arrangement for a while, but accepted its fate of ending with you two drifting back to friends as soon as you no longer needed each other's services.

"I really don't want you to freak out about this, okay?" He fills in the silence. "I get it, you were drunk so it's probably some bullshit. Tell me it's not true and we can pretend like it didn't happen."

Your heart ached. You did want this to go away, but at the same time if you don't take this chance to tell him about your feelings, you'll end up having to choke it down until you're forced to get over it in secret.

"Don't hate me." You say. "Please don't hate me."

"Tell me." He quietly says, almost holding his breath.

You shove your face into your hands. "It's so fucking complicated because of the fake relationship stuff. It's all supposed to be for show and to help each other out, but fuck it feels so real sometimes and I constantly remind myself that it's not, but...it feels REAL."

You finally look up at him. You couldn't quite read his expression- it was almost upset? Maybe pained?

"You look mad. Please don't be upset at me. Maybe we shouldn't do this fake dating thing anymore, and I'm sorry because I know we kind of needed each other for it, but I don't think I can stand faking it when it doesn't feel fake anymore."

He lets out a long breath of air. "Fuck okay so... you have feelings for me. Like real feelings outside of whatever this thing is that we're doing.

You cringe. "I have real feelings for you-I like-like you, or whatever the fuck I said last night. And I hate you too for making me go to that party and talking to and touching me like that and letting me cry to you about this just for it to all spill out now."

"Dammit, Y/N" He mutters, rolling off your bed and pacing around the room. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect things to get out of hand like this, and if I knew sooner or caught onto any hints, I would've done something about it earlier."

To say you were devastated was an understatement. You told him you had feelings for him, and he told you he was sorry. You couldn't be surprised. There was a reason why he needed a fake girlfriend so bad. He wasn't that guy to care for superficial things like romance and relationships and just needed to use you as a cover to stop people from bothering him about it, and vice versa.

"Don't be sorry. Really, it's not your fault." You wave off, your expression hardening. "We had an agreement, and I crossed that line. It is what it is."

"So now what? Where does that leave us?" He stops and looks at you.

You couldn't help but scoff. "There's no us, Katsuki. It was all for show. We tell everyone we 'broke up' and move on- that's it. We can go back to being friends, or acquaintances, or whatever the fuck we were before we started doing all this."

He blankly stares at you. You saw the gears turning in his head, his furrowed brows deep in thought made it look like he was trying to solve the most impossible equation, when in reality it was this poor boy's brain trying to process his emotions.

"Fuck, wait, I think I fucked up." He begins, a blush suddenly flooding his cheeks. "When I said I would've done something about it earlier, I meant telling you that..um ditto?" He sheepishly rubs the back of his neck.

You shoot him a blank stare. "Use your words, Katsuki. What the fuck does that even mean?"

He dramatically groans into his hands. "Fuck!" He starts pacing around once again. "I don't want to stop being with you, okay? And I know that shit is complicated, but I think I want it to work out, but... for real this time."

A beat of silence passes while you process.

"Oh.. so you... like me?" You were appalled.

"Like-like." He confirms.

Here you guys were, two emotionally-constipated people who had just confessed to one another trying to figure out how to go about this situation next.

"And you realized this when?"

"Right now when you were pissing me off and saying that we had to break up." He kneels down on the floor, next to the bed and right beside you.

"You realize that if we start dating for real, you're going to have to be an actual boyfriend? And do boyfriend things? Not just be my fake boyfriend who is only ever in my presence when we're at a function together or with our friends?"

"Is that not what I've already been doing?" He scoffs. "I drive you places, call you pretty, watch movies, cuddle, hold your hand, and everything in between and more?"

You roll your eyes. "But that's always been for show."

"And for my own pleasure." He deadpans. "With or without an audience, I liked doing all of that shit with you."

He suddenly reaches over and grabs your hand, which was no surprise as sweaty as yours. "Hands held, and we're in private. Good start, yeah?"

A smile grows on your face. "You're such a loser."

"Yours."

"Right." You blush. "But don't expect me to give in so easily. You need to take me on dates and stop being mean to me and saying that I laugh like a goose and shit."

"Anything you want, angel face, and I'll give it to you- even with your honking."

-

taglist: @im-lost-please-help @babycheech @cupkiki @html-nae @zz-snow-zz @svnnysidez @v3n7s @lovra974 @yappydoo @canarystwin @liluvtojineteyam @jaxyy219 @aespie @starynigvt @m-0ona @fictonal-men-dum @simp-plague @buggie07 @yendysdys

[crowsandkisses]

De-polute me - Astarion x reader

Note: Astarion means a lot to me as a character and this is kinda based off of my own trauma because I see a lot of myself in him. I also haven't written in a minute so pardon any weird phrasing.

The reader is as vaguely described as I could manage so any and all can enjoy

cw: Trauma, vomit, panic attack.

--------------------------

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Astarion knew he had to snap out of it. To come back to the present where he lay with his lover. But he couldn’t.

It was like watching the world through water. Everything was the same but somehow not. Like there was a distance and the other side held a place where he couldn’t survive right now. Where the air would leave his lungs with no way of replenishing itself. That he would choke on what he was faced with.

He watched how you slept, chest slowly rising and falling in the dim light of the fire. Still in a state of undress.

His eyes lingered on the bite on your neck. Two little puncture marks that had been reopened by his fangs so often they’d started to scar.

It made his stomach twist and turn, bile rising up his throat as he zeroed in on these tiny wounds. 

He felt filthy for having left them there, even though you’d assured him time and again that it was alright. Sometimes you even enjoyed it.

But he couldn’t think of anything but how much of a parasite he was. 

Leeching off of your goodwill and kindness, repaying you with his body because it was the only way he knew how. To lie on his back, purr some pretty phrases and slot into that old, familiar role of seductive pretty boy.

He had to give something back. He had to. Otherwise you’d likely come to demand payment regardless. Everyone always did. No kindness was just done for the sake of being kind.

His stomach turned again as guilt set in, draping over his shoulders like a heavy blanket. He knew he shouldn’t think these things of you but he couldn’t help it. 

Quietly, he rose from his spot next to you. A place he didn’t feel should belong to him. Hells, he had seen the way Gale looked at you when he thought no one else paid attention. He could give the gentle kind of love Astarion felt incapable of.

He could grant you warmth Astarion didn’t possess. He could cook for you, share a meal, not have to leech off your body to keep himself alive.

Astarion walked a distance further into the treeline and all at once, his body lurched and his last meal found itself on the forest floor. He gagged and retched, tears flowing down his cheeks from discomfort and humiliation. 

His pride felt wounded as he emptied his stomach, spitting after to try and clear the sour, copper taste from his mouth. He still stood bent over, vision blurred with tears as he fought a sob.

Suddenly he felt like a child again, desperately longing for his mother, who’s face he’d all but forgotten. He let himself cry, granting himself the luxury of it. His shoulders shook, his fangs sinking into his bottom lip as all the negative thoughts filled his head like a storm. 

Then suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder, a soft voice taking him out of his head. He jerked up as if burned. He whirled around, furious he’d been caught unaware, without his knife. What if it was-

But whatever imagined horror he conjured up was nothing compared to the horror that the person who crept up on him was you.

His heart hammered against his ribs and he could hear his blood rush in his ears, vision going blurry at the edges. His breaths came stunted and he was only vaguely aware that you were speaking. But still, he felt like he was watching things through water, only this time he was drowning.

Like an animal fueled by instinct, he stepped back. He didn’t want you to touch him. For him to taint you further. He was trying to find words to say but the panic was too great.

For a moment, he thought he was about to die. That somehow, inexplicably, this would be the end of him. To die in a forest, in his own sick because he was caught in a moment of weakness .

A perfectly humiliating end to the life of a parasite of no consequence. A man who’d been so corrupt it nearly cost him his life only to be reduced to nothing but a pretty face and a willing cock. All to lead people into their untimely death, like the monster he was. A pretty face with a rotten core.

He didn’t realize he was saying these things aloud, nor that he was crying until your hand gingerly wiped his tears away. He flinched and he saw the heartbreak on your face, another twist of the dagger that had lodged itself into his chest. 

���Breathe.”

The one word cut through the fog in his head and somehow he willed himself to obey your gently spoken command. The first breath in was stunted, like a small child after a crying fit. But breathing was easy enough to do, a simple thing to focus on for just a moment as he found the hurt, humiliation and pain he felt.

In, out. In. Hold. Out.

In. Hold. Out.

In. Out

He calmed down slowly, his vision sharpening, his heart slowing down.

And there you stood, eyes trained on him with a look of concern in your eyes. 

His first instinct was anger. He already had a cutting remark on his tongue but he swallowed it. 

You were worried about him. You were just trying to help. 

“Are you okay?”

Astarion found himself bristling again at the comment, righting his back and pointing his chin, as if he had any pride left to hold onto. As if you didn’t just see him in the middle of a panic attack because god forbid you saw him as weak.

“I’m fine.” He lied, hating how unsteady his voice sounded. 

You looked at him in a way that let on you were the farthest thing from fooled and he didn’t want to give up the game. To tear himself open, cry into your arms like a small part of him wanted to.

Eventually, you nodded.

“Can I touch you?’

The simple question knocked the wind out of him. A simple ask of consent disarmed him fully and he wanted to loathe himself for it again but couldn’t. He was so tired.

“Please.” Came his reply. Soft and pained as he finally stopped fighting himself. 

You had barely embraced him when a new torrent of tears came. He buried his face in the junction of where your neck met your shoulder. A place he was intimately familiar with, but right now it wasn’t about sating his hunger. He felt your hand gently stroke his back as you comforted him.

Years of habit made him wonder when you’d use this against him but he did his best to ignore the thought. Instead focusing on the here and now. On the smell of your skin, how soft and warm you felt against him, of the sound of your voice as you told him he was alright. That you were there.

And for a moment, Astarion allowed himself to feel it.

To feel safe.

He felt the urge to be sick again.

Despite himself, he breathed deep like he had earlier, his crying slowing to a soft sniveling. He untangled himself from your embrace, your eyes still on him. He couldn’t bare to meet your gaze, clearing his throat as he studied the forest floor beneath your feet.

“Is there anything you need?” You asked and the question seemed a little absurd to him. He quietly shook his head.

“If it’s all the same to you, darling, I would like to go back to bed. And not speak of this again.”

His tone was a little harsh but you seemed to not take offense. You merely gave him the ghost of a smile.

“Come. I have a waterskin so you can rinse your mouth.” you said, half turning to the campsite. 

Astarion nodded. He wanted to say thank you but the words rested heavy on his tongue only for them to die there. 

In silence, the pair made their way back to the fire. With that frustratingly soft look on your face, you handed him your waterskin.

Astarion rinsed his mouth, relieved to no longer taste blood for a moment. He handed it back to you before quietly settling in so you could sleep and he could close his eyes for a moment.

Then tomorrow you could both pack up your things and move on to the next place. Kill what needed killing and pretend to be heroes.

“Would it be alright if I held you?”

Astarion looked up, surprised because despite himself, he was already getting back into his own head. He deflected it, as he usually did.

“Cannot get enough of me, darling?” The words, even if they were meant in jest, rang a little hollow. You gave him a look and he simply nodded, almost reluctantly settling in your arms.

He focused on the sound of your heartbeat, the rhythm of it lulling him into something close to comfort. He heard your breaths slow, sleep dragging you back into the land of dreams.

Astarion’s own eyes grew heavy as he settled against you, And for a moment, despite the fact the gods had never listened, he found himself thanking them for making someone like you.

Because even if he still had a long road to go, you made him feel a little less like a monster, and a little more like Astarion Ancunin.

[ellieluvr420]

Friends? Never. Pt.22 (Ellie Williams x reader)

MASTERLIST (and information about Palestine) Please read!

SYNOPSIS: You and Ellie had been bitter enemies for years now but before that you were best friends. You had always planned to be roommates one day but when that becomes a reality the situation isn't exactly how you both imagined it.

SMUT MDNI OR ILL BE YOUR SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON TONIGHT XOX

proofread kinda but this shit is like almost 9k words and i am tired so if there’s a mistake my apologies, will fix that tomorrow probs!

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧    

   

“Fuck I am so tired. I’ve been twenty for three weeks and I swear I’m deteriorating already.” 

“Ellie you are such a drama queen, you’re just tired because you actually ran laps with the group today.” Training with the group had been going well for the most part but watching Ellie come back breathless and rosy cheeked, though in better shape than the teenagers that followed after her, was the highlight for you. 

“Can’t believe you made me do that.” 

“You were being naughty and you know I don’t tolerate bad behaviour.” 

“I smacked your ass once and none of them even saw. You are so mean to me.” 

“Stop sulking, besides, would you have preferred to stay behind with Amber?” 

“Okay fair enough, how was that by the way?” Your mind cast back to the memory of your altercation with Amber and left a sour taste in your mouth.

“Amber, can you stay behind please?” 

“Why?” She snipped at you with a scowl. 

“Because I said so.” You grit as Ellie stifles a laugh. Ellie had been on a mission today to annoy you as much as humanely possible, lovingly but still, she had succeeded. She had done so well that she was now jogging away with the other trainees after you banished her. When they had all been doing target practise she snuck up behind you and landed a harsh slap on your ass that was so loud it was almost audible over the repetitive gunfire. You yelped and rubbed at the sore skin while sneering at her as she laughed.  

“Sorry babe, you know I love your ass too much to keep my hands off, you should’ve seen the way it jiggled.” She went to reach for it again but you slapped her hand away and huffed, only making her laugh more, you glanced at the group and when all of their heads remained facing away from you, you breathed a sigh of relief.  

“You are such a little shit, you’re running laps with the others while I talk to Amber.” 

“What?! No way.” 

“Yes way, I’ve had enough of you today.” 

“Oh come on babe don’t be like that.” 

“Too late and if you don’t go, no sex for a month.” 

“You’re joking.” 

“Wanna fuck around and find out?” She huffed and called the rest of the group over to announce the badly received news of their impending laps around the town. You almost regretted your decision when you were left alone with Amber, her attitude making you want to throttle it out of her. 

“I wanted to have a chat because I want to see what we can do to be better supporting you to get you up to standard for patrol.” 

“Excuse me? Why are you only asking me?” 

“This isn’t an attack Amber, this is for your safety but you aren’t progressing at the same rate as the others and I don’t want to see you fall behind.” 

“You’re just picking on me because you have it out for me so don’t give me all of that caring bullshit because I see right through it.” She hissed, you bit your tongue and took a deep breath, desperately trying to keep your cool. 

“Amber, your aim with a gun is nowhere near the standards of the others, you can’t hold your own in a fight even with one of the other girls, you struggle in the drills, you don’t understand tracking and you never know any of the answers to the questions we ask about survival tactics. I’m not picking on you, I’m stating a fact.” It was harsh but she needed to hear it. “I am willing, and so is Ellie, to put in extra hours with you to help but we can only help if you let us and stop being so stubborn.” 

“I’ll do the extra hours with Ellie but I’m not spending anymore time with you than I have to.” You snickered at her comment, a wave of insecurity crashing over her features. You’d happily let Ellie take her for the extra training, you trusted her with your life but then Amber would be getting her way and you just weren’t willing to let that happen. 

“Not gonna happen, nice try though.” You were going to leave it there but that eye roll and pout of her lip just sent you over the edge as you stormed over to her, closing the distance between you both. “Do you think I don’t notice your blatant flirting with my girlfriend? Do you think it’s going to get you anywhere? We live together, we have a child together, and when we go home together after training we laugh at your pathetic attempts on her. Stop being fucking delusional and get over yourself. I’m here to train you, not to be your friend so you either sort yourself out or I’ll tell Maria you’re not fit for patrol and she’ll find you some other boring job in Jackson.” She gulped and her eyes developed a glassy film. You had taken it too far but you were getting sick of her and she had just pushed you one too many times. “Now go home and come back tomorrow with a better fucking attitude because if you think I’m above kicking your ass you’re sorely mistaken. You saw how quick I took Harvey down, do you really think I wouldn’t crush you in a second?” She scowled at you before storming off, not quick enough that you didn’t see the fear in her eyes though. 

“Ugh she’s just- it was as expected. We argued, I scared the shit out of her and she ran away with her tail between her legs, she’ll be the exact same tomorrow. Same shit, different day.” 

“Damn, I don’t understand what her problem is.” 

“I do, she doesn’t like me because of us and because I have a position of authority over her, she’s the weakest of the group and it makes her insecure and I’m the only one that will call her out on it.” You eye Ellie pointedly as she smiles sheepishly. 

“I can take the next lecture, promise babe.” 

“Eh she won’t even listen to you because she’ll be too busy ogling you.” 

“Damn I’m feeling really objectified right now.” 

“Oh shut up, you love it.” 

“I only love the attention when it comes from you but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel good about myself.” She smiles smugly as she wraps an arm around your waist pulling you snug to her hip as she presses a kiss to your temple with a quiet chuckle. 

“Who would’ve thought I’d be the scary one out of us?” You chuckle but it dies in your throat as she quirks an eyebrow at you as if your question was entirely absurd. 

“Err everyone. You’re scary.” 

“I am not!” You pinch her side and she squirms away from you with a hiss. 

“You so are, it’s not a bad thing but you are terrifying. Do i need to remind you about you being a jailbird? My girlfriend is a convict, that’s scary, hot but scary.” You roll your eyes as the school comes into view and the bustle of parents awaiting their children is accompanied by the deafening squeals and yells of children bounding out of the gates like a stampede. You both stop and hold hands as you wait for Clem’s beaming face to come into view. 

You crane your neck looking for the strawberry blonde locks until they catch your eye causing a smile to grace your features. Ellie had already released your hand to kneel down in preparation for Clem’s leap into her arms that had become customary when you would pick her up. You both exchange looks of concern when her face remains angled towards the floor and she trudges over to you both dragging her feet. You immediately move towards her and bend down in front of her as Ellie joins you seconds later, cupping her cheeks you angle her face to meet yours and the sight sends shockwaves through you. Her face was red and blotchy, the remnants of tears evident all over her cheeks but what struck you both more was the slightly raised red mark on her cheek that looked like the precursor of a bruise.  

“Baby who did this to you?” Your voice was frantic as tears welled in your eyes at her sadness, it was the kind of sadness you hadn’t seen in her since the day you found her, the memory of that day cursed you and filled you with a rage you had never experienced before. She had been so excited for school this morning, it was show and tell and she had brought in a painting that her and Ellie had created with the watercolours you had gifted Ellie for her birthday, it was a replica of a polaroid taken on Ellie’s birthday of the three of you, Ellie holding Clem with her free arm around your waist as you all beamed at the camera. She had rushed you both out the door and practically skipped the whole way to school, babbling about how much she loved it and how interesting all her classes were and now she was sniffling and hurt, her entire demeanour oozing the pain she was in. You were so focused on the sorrow on her features you barely remembered asking her who caused her it until she answered you. 

“T-Timmy.” Her voice was meek and quiet, the opposite of how it typically was as she sniffled and wiped at her eyes before wincing as she accidentally pressed on the welt forming underneath.

“What happened kiddo?” Ellie’s voice was calm, unlike yours but the scowl on her face gave her true feelings away. 

“He made fun of me for having two mommies, so I told him he was ugly and smelly, because he is, then he hit me and pushed me in front of everyone. Please can we go home?” Every part of you wanted to chase Timmy and his parents down for what they had taught their child but Clem came first and she wanted to go home so that’s what you’d do. 

Clem perked up quick enough, after dancing to her favourite record with you both and doing some painting with Ellie while you prepared dinner, she seemed almost normal again though it was clear what happened today was playing on her mind as she looked up from the table with glassy eyes. 

“Why are people mean about you? I don’t understand, you’re the best mommies. Do they hate me?” 

“Oh baby, no one hates you, you’re our perfect angel, don’t ever have thoughts like that, ever, okay?” Ellie was the first to speak as she noticed the slight gape of your mouth though you snapped back into action when Clem turned to you expectantly. 

“Some people just don’t like that me and mama love each other. They don’t like that me and mama are young as well and we were so lucky to find you and make you a part of our family. They’re jealous and silly and I promise it’s nothing to do with you. I swear Timmy nor anyone is ever going to lay a finger on you again baby, some people are just silly and mean, do you understand?” She nods with a small smile before going back to eating as Ellie looks at you silently communicating the plan you knew you both had.  

“Clemmy, I’ve gotta go out for a little bit but I promise I’ll be back in time to say goodnight, okay?” Ellie stands and presses a kiss to Clem’s forehead as she strokes the soft hair on her head. 

“Okay Mama, I’ll miss you.” 

“Oh you know I’ll always miss you more.” You stand and follow Ellie to the door kissing her sweetly before she ducks out leaving you and Clem to start her bedtime routine alone. 

After her bath and three different books, Clem’s eyes were drooping and the yawn she tried and failed to hide was evident she’d be asleep soon. The sound of the door opening and closing let you relax and as Ellie walked in taking her place next to you at Clem’s bedside you smiled. She pressed a kiss to the girl's forehead. Clem cupped Ellie’s cheeks as she lazily opened her eyes smiling giddily, the love that was radiating from both of them warmed you, your heart sang, you could watch them forever and be perfectly happy with that. You were so wrapped up in your thoughts you didn’t notice them both turning to face you. 

“Can you both cuddle me until I fall asleep?” 

“Of course baby.” Ellie climbed over Clem’s body as you laid down on the other side of her. Clem cuddles into your chest as Ellie wraps her arm over the both of you, pulling you both in tighter to her. As Clem’s breathing slowed, you lifted your head slightly to look at Ellie who had been gently playing with Clem’s hair as she hummed a familiar tune to her. It reminded you of a time when your mother would sing the same song to you at bedtime. 

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

Hush little baby don’t say a word 

Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird 

And if that mockingbird don’t sing 

Mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring 

And if that diamond ring turns brass 

Mama’s gonna buy you a looking glass 

And if that looking glass gets broke 

 Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat 

And if that billy goat doesn't pull 

 Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull 

And if that cart and bull turn over 

Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover 

And if that dog named Rover won't bark 

Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart 

And if that horse and cart fall down 

well you'll still be the sweetest baby in town. 

“I love you Mommy.” 

“I love you too sweetie, I always will, sweet dreams.” Your father had read to you after they both gave you your nighttime bath, indulging in your childish play letting you splash at them until the water went cold and you began to shiver. You smiled up at your father as he kissed your forehead goodnight leaving your mum to sing you the same tune she always sang to you before bed. Sometimes you'd sing along and sometimes you'd just listen to her melodic voice as you let her tune coax you to sleep.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

The memory haunted you, it had always been such a fond one but now it burned your skin and stung your eyes. You pushed the thoughts to the back of your mind as you sang along to the tune Ellie was gently humming and you could feel the new memories being attached to the song that took the aching pain in your chest away as if it was never there. 

You and Ellie both sneak out of Clem’s room once she’s firmly asleep and walk downstairs to greet Dina and Jesse who were sat in your living room. 

“Thanks so much for watching her guys. We won’t be long.” You smile at them before going to slip your shoes on. As you return Ellie smiles grimly at you. 

“You ready?” 

“Fuck yeah.” Your eyebrows furrowed as the sudden fire ignited within you once again. 

“Oh I would be shitting myself if I was them right now.” Jesse laughed though it was clear he was serious. 

“Have fun going full mama bears on their asses!” Dina calls out to you as you both make your way out the front door and start the walk to Timmy’s house. You were never going to let his parents get away with teaching their child to be so hateful but you didn’t want Clem to see this side of you. 

Ellie knocked on their door and as it swung open revealing a disgruntled man you both pushed past him into his home without a word. 

“Erm excuse you, what do you think you’re doing?” 

“We want to have a chat Rick, get your wife and sit down.” Your voice was monotone and your face deadpan but his scowl did not fade and he remained unmoving. 

“Are you deaf? Get your wife and sit down.” Ellie repeated as she stepped closer to him, her face stony and her voice low and menacing. You watched as his face morphed into a picture of fear and it only made you smile, he scurried off returning with his wife, both seating themselves on their sofa, fidgeting and clearly unnerved. 

“I’m assuming the school told you what Timmy did today?” They nodded as a response to your question, their eyes flicking between you and Ellie. 

“Mm and I bet you couldn’t have been prouder right?” Their silence was adding fuel to the fire and as you observed Ellie pacing slowly beside you, it was clear she felt the same. 

“Listen, if you have a problem with us, we couldn’t care less. But if your issue with us ends with our child getting hurt again, then we need to do something about it.” Ellie's voice was calm as she came to stand over them. “If Timmy ever comes near Clem again, I promise you, you will be looking for a new place to live because I will hunt you both to the ends of the Earth. You’ll never be able to settle because I’ll always be just on your heels. Do you want that life for Timmy? Never knowing when he’d be left alone in the world because his parents hatred cost them their lives. This is your only warning. Keep your snotty little shit away from our Clem or we will make sure the last thing you see is us smiling over your bodies. Don’t give me an excuse to do it, because I’ll enjoy every last second of it.” Their faces drained of all their colour and the sight was exhilarating to you. Ellie was always so gentle with you and Clem so you rarely saw this side of her but the few reminders you got never failed to stick with you, knowing she was acting this way to protect Clem, it only warmed you more. She walked to the door leaving you scowling in front of them. 

“If you think Maria won’t be hearing of this, you’re wrong, expect a visit from her tomorrow. You’re the reason her niece's daughter was hurt today, she won’t take that lightly. I’d watch your backs if I were you.” You grinned as they visibly gulped before strolling off to meet Ellie at the door, her face matching yours. The walk back to your home was filled with childish giggles as you recounted the looks on their faces. 

Even as you walked through the door of your home to find Dina and Jesse cuddled up on the sofa, you still couldn’t stop giggling. 

“Assuming it went well then?” Jesse questioned with a quirk of his eyebrow. 

“Oh yeah you should’ve seen their faces. Ellie went all ‘ah I’m so scary, I’m gonna hunt you down aghhh’ it was amazing!” You mocked Ellie’s deep, raspy voice that she had used while speaking to Timmy’s parents before bursting into laughter once again. 

“I did not fucking sound like that! But it’s true, they shit their pants.” She looked smug as her chin raised to the air only causing you all to laugh more. You had been annoyed about yours and Ellie’s reputations after the few incidents over the past months that had painted you in a darker light but it served you both well today. 

“That’s our girls!” Dina was beaming at you both as they stood. 

“Thank you again for coming over on short notice. Did she wake up or anything?” 

“No no, she’s been out like a light. Don’t keep thanking us anyway, we can use all the practise we can get.” Jesse breathed out as he rocked on his heels. 

They said their goodbyes and left, leaving you and Ellie to collapse in bed, tired of the day. 

“I know I joked but you going all scary to protect Clemmy was super fucking hot.” You cupped Ellie’s cheeks as you softly rubbed your nose against hers before resting your foreheads together with a smile. 

“Hey it wasn’t just me, I heard what you said to them after I left the room. That was a nice touch.” 

“Why thank you.” You giggled softly before your face turned sour again. “I just can’t believe we’re having to deal with shit like this. I mean, Ellie, she got fucking hit today. How many homophobes are there in this stupid fucking town?” 

“I know, it’s ridiculous. This place is about as good as it gets and still, shit like this happens. I know what you mean about being done with it all but where do we even go you know?” 

“Well I was thinking about that, remember that farm we stayed at before we found Clem, how perfect it was, how pretty the stars were from up there, how good the sex we had up there was hmm?” You dropped your voice seductively causing her eyebrows to shoot up. “We never got to go back and lock it up because of our little bundle of joy but I was thinking maybe Joel could watch her for a day and then Dina and Jesse have her for the night so we can go have a look around and see if it’s a viable option for us. I love our family, more than anything and the more I think about it just being us up there, the more I warm up to the idea, but obviously it’s close enough that we can still see everyone regularly and be connected to Jackson, what do you think?” 

“Sounds fucking perfect babe. But I have one condition.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“We have sheep, lots of ‘em, and a cow or two maybe, oh and we get to take Shimmer and Greg with us. We should have chickens too.” 

“Sounds like more than one condition to me but I’m in.” 

“You are going to make the cutest farmer.” She smirks at you as your eyebrows furrow. 

“You’re going to be the farmer. I will sit pretty and watch you get your hands dirty.” 

“Oh will you now?” 

“Mhm you’re the one that wanted all the animals.” 

“Well I suppose that’s fair. Do you think Clem will want to go?” 

“El she’d follow you anyway, that girl has stars in her eyes when she looks at you. I think after today especially, she’ll be happy to go be farmers up in the hills.” 

“Ah! So we will be farmers. I knew you’d see it my way.” 

“You are ridiculous.” 

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

“Ellie look! It’s just up ahead, it looks fine oh my god I’m so excited!” You rushed out as you spurred Greg on towards the picturesque farmhouse that you had been dreaming about returning to since you left. 

“Oh fuck yeah and it’s only taken us like an hour and a half to get here with the horses, it feels so far but so close at the same time.” 

“I feel really fucking good about this babe!” 

“Me too.” Ellie hummed and as you approached the gate you sucked a breath in, praying it would open freely. 

“Ah!” You squealed as the gate swung open and you jumped off Greg barely managing to stop yourself from jumping about as you seemed one step closer to building a life there.  

“Okay let’s stay alert just in case, you wanna sweep the house or the barn?” Ellie sounded serious but her voice failed to hide the giddiness in her as she hopped off of Shimmer and pressed a hand to the small of your back. 

“Let’s do the barn together first so we can leave the horses in there and then go through the house, I wanna walk in there with you, this is a milestone!” You beamed causing her to chuckle and start leading you round the house and towards the barn. 

Once the barn had been cleared and the horses were happily grazing on some hay you both walked back round to the porch, you practically leaping up the stairs and dragging Ellie behind you but before you could reach for the doorknob she yanked you back into her and pressed kisses from just below your ear down to your shoulder blade, swaying you both gently. There was a gentle breeze whistling through the air and it smelled so fresh and crisp, the air felt so much more cleansing than in Jackson, every breath you took making you feel light and renewed. A small white butterfly flew around you both before disappearing into the powder blue sky that was dotted with pristine, white clouds. There were patches of daffodils all over the field amongst other splotches of colourful flowers creating the most beautiful landscape. 

“El come on- ah!” You were interrupted as Ellie lifted you bridal style into her arms and started fumbling with the door. “What are you doing?” You said through giggles. 

“Practising for the real thing.” She nudged the door open and as you both walked through hearing nothing but sweet, serene silence you both snapped your heads towards each other and smiled. You grabbed her cheeks and pulled her in for a kiss that felt like you were melting into each other before she gently put you down and walked you towards the dining room table opposite the front door, her lips never once leaving yours, it started tender as she explored your mouth with her tongue, lapping at yours slowly, but it soon grew hungry and desperate, the passion radiating off of both of you, she still tasted slightly minty from when she had brushed her teeth this morning and it cooled the growing heat slightly. Her hands grabbed and squeezed at any expanse of skin she could find as she groaned into your mouth, the sound making your knees weak, relying on her to keep you upright as she reduced you to a puddle of desperation with just her lips on yours. You could barely think straight, your mind being clouded, everything becoming hazy as she devoured you. As your thighs hit the back of the table she grabbed at them and lifted you to sit on the oak, pressing herself between your legs and gently grinding her hips into yours, you whined quietly and wrapped your legs tighter round her waist, pulling her impossibly closer to you while gripping onto her hair like she was anchoring you to this plane of existence. The friction of your cores rubbing together could’ve generated electricity, it felt like it was as the hair on the back of your neck stood and you shivered with need. Shockwaves of energy rippled through you as the temperature seemed to rise impossibly higher between you both until you each pulled away gasping for breath, a string of spit connecting your lips together like the tether wrapped around each of your hearts that had kept you closely bound to her since the day you met, even when you hadn’t spoken all those years, the tether still tugged you in her direction.  

Ellie bit her lip as she quickly unbuttoned your jeans and yanked them down your legs with your assistance licking her lips at the sight of the wet patch on your underwear. “Someone’s pent up huh? All this from a little kissing? Need to take better care of you don’t I babe?” 

“Mhm, quit stalling, I’m so wet it’s uncomfortable El, need you to clean me up.” She groaned at your words and immediately kneeled down on the floor wasting no time slipping your panties to the side and burying her face between your legs. You’d think she hadn’t eaten for days with the way she was sucking you dry, your clit throbbing in her lips as her fingers teased your entrance. She knew your body better than you did, not even having to search for the spongy spot inside of you that made your insides turn to liquid. It was so easy she was chuckling into you as your hips ground themselves into her. Her tongue was her paint brush and your pussy was her artwork as she swirled it around every inch of you, she’d swap from flattening her tongue and almost making out with your cunt to small kitten licks that had you keening and whimpering. Her fingers curled as they pumped in and out of you, each time she’d hit your g-spot you’d jolt and gasp, the feeling was so intense you wanted to squirm away but she had you tightly pulled against her with her free hand gripping onto your hip hard enough there’d be faint oval bruises in her hands absence. “Oh fuck, right there baby, I’m so close, shit-” With a long, harsh suckle on your clit, her tongue working circles around it at the same time, it seemed to be the only occasion where she could multi-task, your body tensed with your release, your hips bucking onto her fingers as you ride out your high. “Ah fuck- OW!” You suddenly exclaim cutting yourself off mid-moan. Ellie quickly jumped up to face you, her lips and chin shiny with your slick that looked comical against her panicked expression. 

“Babe what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Fuck I’m sorry-” 

“No, no you didn’t do anything. You were fucking amazing but I- I think I got a splinter in my ass.” You admit shamefully. 

“No you fucking didn’t, oh my god turn around, let me see.” She couldn’t contain her laughter even as you frowned at her while hopping off the table and turning away from her. She pressed a hand to your back, bending you over the table and gently easing your underwear down your thighs as she inched close enough to your behind that you could feel her breath tickling your cheeks. 

“Ellie stop being a perv, is there a splinter?” 

“Ohh yeah, big one too, could see it from a mile away.” 

“Why is your nose practically touching my ass then?” 

“Because it’s really pretty.” You could practically hear the smirk in her voice before she made a sorrowful attempt at whistling that just sounded like air escaping through a slightly cracked window. You laughed and she smacked at your uninjured ass-cheek lightly. 

“Ellie! Get the fucking splinter out!” 

“Alright, alright. Ruining my fun you are.” 

“I’m gonna ruin you when this splinter is out of my ass.” 

“Is that a threat or a promise?” 

“Both you heathen now hurry up!” She chuckled before quickly but gently removing the splinter earning a satisfied hum from you as you returned upright and faced her, unamused at her childish glee while inspecting the splinter between her thumb and index finger. 

“So errr we should probably varnish this table or sand it or something before we move in here. Wouldn’t want Clem getting hurt.” Ellie declares. 

“Oh yeah this is sooo about Clem and not just you imagining railing me nine ways to sunday on here.” You raise your eyebrows at her, you knew Ellie was thinking about making sure Clem didn’t get any splinters, but you also knew that wasn’t the reason for her comment. You were the one that worried about things like that, she was the one that would throw Clem over her head high enough that you’d gasp and scold her for how close Clem’s head was to hitting the ceiling. You frowned as she seemed completely unphased by your remark only staring at the splinter still. 

“I’m keeping this, it’s a memento.” 

“Ellie so help me god-” 

“Relax babe, someone’s prickly.” She hunched over with laughter as you simply rolled your eyes and redressed yourself. 

“You’re so unfunny.” 

“Why are you always laughing then?” 

“I really don’t like you right now.” 

“Hey that’s not fair, I just made you cum in under like five minutes, that’s gotta be a record, be nice to me.” 

“I’ll be nice to you when you drop the fucking splinter.” Without hesitation she turned away from you and hurled the splinter towards the front door. 

“See, it’s gone, now kiss me woman.” She shut her eyes and puckered up her lips dramatically while making loud smooching sounds. 

“You’re lucky I love you.” 

“Doesn’t sound like kissing!” She sang before puckering her lips again to which you relented and pressed your lips against hers, smiling into the kiss as her arms wrapped around your waist. “Goddamn I love you.” You giggled as you stepped away from her and spun round the room, taking in everything you had missed in your frenzied state. So much had happened in such a short space of time but the house, the house looked like it was frozen, everything exactly as you remembered it from before. It just felt right, it felt like home. 

“So er now we’ve christened the place, how about we take a look around?” You suggested, the heat in your cheeks barely subsiding. 

“Oh yeah, I wanna christen each room before we go.” 

“You’re an animal.” She laughed as she followed you all throughout the house until you were in the kitchen, both gazing out of the window above the sink at the field that surrounded the property. The long grass was swaying in the wind, two doves landed on the fence in front of the window and their chirps were a melody you could listen to forever. The sun was beaming making everything look even more vibrant than it already did, the mountains creating the most beautiful backdrop. “Imagine teaching Clemmy all about the animals and how to grow fruit and vegetables in the sun, nothing but quiet all around.” As you spoke you could picture everything in your head like it was already reality. 

“And sitting outside at night, looking at all the stars, looking for constellations.” She spoke into your neck where her face was nestled, her arms wrapped around your front, swaying you both gently. 

“We can read together on the porch, bundle up in winter and have hot chocolate out there while we watch the snow fall.” You add. 

“Teach Clem how to ride the horses, the fields big enough.” 

“Yes! She’ll love running around with all the animals, I bet she’ll love the chickens.” You both chuckle at the notion. 

“She’s gonna make one her pet and then we’ll have a house chicken.” Ellie huffed as if she was already being faced with Clem’s puppy eyes as she clutches the clueless chicken to her chest begging for it to be her pet. 

“Bet she’ll call it Eggbert whether it’s a boy or a girl.” 

“That sounds like something I would do.” 

“That’s exactly my point.” You turn to face her over your shoulder and smile as she purses her lips and nods slowly, her eyes narrowing at your smug face before breaking out into the widest grin. 

“Babe I fucking love it here, I can picture our lives here and everything. You still want this?” She spins you to face her, the smile adorning her features would have been enough to convince you to jump off a cliff if that was what she wanted. 

“More than anything.” 

“Then, as long as Clemmy’s okay with it, we’re moving.” You squeal and press your lips against hers as she squeezes you against her, lifting you from the ground slightly and spinning you around until she staggered to a stop. “Oh fuck I’m dizzy.” She rests her hands on her knees and takes a few deep breaths that have her back visibly rising and falling causing you to chuckle at her playfulness. 

“Okay, we need to look at the fence, the water, the gas and the electric, I’ve got used to some comforts in Jackson that I’m not prepared to give up just yet.” 

“Let’s look at the fence because I don’t know who you think I am babe but I will have no clue about any of the other things.” Ellie stands upright once again, her hands finding their place on her hips as she tilts her head slightly at you. 

“Oh right me neither, that can be a job for Joel and Tommy.” 

“They’ve got their uses.” She grabs your hand and drags you back outside where you both just stand for a minute admiring the view. 

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

“Look this can be Clemmy’s room! Maybe you could paint something on her wall for her El!” 

“Fuck yeah but come on you, it’s been a long day and we need our beauty sleep.” You groaned as Ellie ushered you towards the master bedroom, you just wanted to stay and keep fantasising, but Ellie was right, you were tired and you wanted to wake up bright and early to get back to Clementine tomorrow. 

You each slipped off your clothes, you climbed in bed as Ellie cracked the window slightly to let the cool, summer night air breeze into the room. The only sound that could be heard was the faint chirping of crickets and your breaths as you both settle into the bed, cuddling into one another. You looped your arms around Ellie’s waist and pressed your face into her chest as she softly scratched patterns into your back. Your legs entangled with each other's as your heartbeats synced, it was serene and you felt the calmest you had felt in as long as you could remember. It felt almost perfect, but you knew once Clem was here with you both it would be perfect. You breathed in, letting Ellie’s scent linger and blur your senses more as sleep dragged you further into its embrace, she had always smelt of fresh washing that had dried in the summer breeze, it was comforting, everything about her was comforting. Her soft skin moulding against yours, the steady rise and fall of her chest, the way she clutched onto you subconsciously, she was home to you, she was always home to you, even when you weren’t speaking for those years, she still offered the comfort you so desperately craved. 

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

“Are you okay?” You didn’t have to look up to know who it was, her voice was etched into your brain, all you wanted to do was leap into her arms and clutch onto her, never letting go but you couldn’t. You had already pushed her away until your time together was blurring memories swirling around your head. You had pushed her away to keep your relationship with your parents but it still wasn’t enough, it was never enough for them. You swore they wanted nothing to do with you, banishing you out of the house because you had got into a fight and refused to divulge why. Ellie was why, and that would’ve only angered them more. 

You had been sitting in the park, reading a book when Petra and Suze had enclosed on you, sitting down by your side with smiles. “Hey bookworm, what ya reading?” Petra questions. 

“Persuasion by Jane Austen, it’s so good, romance books will always have a special place in my heart.” 

“Another romance book huh? We gotta get you out in the real world, Jason’s got his eye on you, you know, we could set you two up.” Suze quirked her eyebrow as you grimaced. 

“As much as that offer is so tempting, I’d rather stab myself in the eye repeatedly than go out with Jason.” 

“What? What’s wrong with him?” He’s a guy and he’s not Ellie, you missed her every minute of everyday, Petra and Suze were a nice distraction but they were nothing like Ellie, you just wanted Ellie. 

“I don’t know, I’m just not interested in him like that, he’s so full of himself, there wouldn’t be enough room in the relationship with me and his huge ego.” They both giggled at your harsh tone. 

“Well that’s fair.” Silence settled around you as you watched the scenery, people-watching had always been one of your favourite pass-times but you found yourself doing it more now you were constantly searching for the auburn hair you used to run your fingers through, you had convinced yourself you’d seen her this time, that wasn’t a part of your imagination like it often was but Petra’s words confirmed you had actually been seeing her this time. 

“Ugh there goes the town dyke. God she’s so fucking weird.” 

“I know right, why would they even let her in? Throw her to the wolves I say.” Suze snickered and everything went red, your ears rang and your vision blurred, you only remember being yanked off of Suze as Petra lay just a foot away wheezing and coughing, cursing you under her breath. 

Your parents had screamed, thrown things at you, yanked you by their iron grip around your wrists to barricade you in your room when you refused to explain why you had so viciously attacked the girls that were supposed to be your friends. You sobbed and sobbed until you heard your dad shifting whatever he had used to keep your bedroom door shut tightly. He didn’t speak, didn’t look you in the eye, just dragged you out of your room and straight outside where he shut the door after uttering. “Find somewhere else to sleep tonight.” That was it. You were on your own and the rain that started to pour from the heavens mirrored your mood as you wandered aimlessly until your legs grew weak and you collapsed by a tree, desperately hoping it would shelter you from the torrential downpour. 

“Hey I said are you okay?” Ellie nudged your shoe with hers as you sniffled and spared a glance up at her only to bury your head back into your knees that you were holding to your chest with a small shake of your head. “Why are you outside in this weather? You’re gonna get sick. Go home.” Her tone wasn’t nasty but it wasn’t soft and sweet like it used to be with you, it was a slap on the cheek that you thoroughly deserved. 

“I can’t” You weakly whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear, she kneeled down and stroked a hand down your hair, beckoning you to meet her worried gaze. 

“They kick you out again?” 

“Mhm.” 

“What was the reason this time?” 

“I fucked up Petra and Suze and I wouldn’t tell them why, they love Petra and Suze more than me so they’re really pissed.” 

“Why’d you fight them?” 

“Doesn’t matter.” You wouldn’t meet her eyes, you just stared off into the distance, occasionally hiccupping as a result of your sobbing. 

“Get up.” 

“Just leave me alone please Ellie.” She was too painful of a reminder of how alone you were, you’d rather be actually alone than in her presence. 

“Just get up, c’mon. You’re not sleeping out here tonight. If you get struck by lightning I’ll feel kinda responsible.” Her tone was lighter than it had been and you chuckled slightly as you took her hand and let her pull you from the ground, immediately turning on her heel and letting you trail along behind her back to her home. You considered just disappearing from your place behind her, you doubted that she would notice before you were long gone as she seemed to avoid looking at you like she’d turn to stone if she did. 

Her garage was exactly as you’d remembered it with a couple new additions to the trinkets that littered every surface and wall. You had always loved it here, it was so much more inviting than your home. You used to let yourself in and immediately flop down on her sofa like you owned the place but now you just stood by the door, shivering and fidgeting unsure of what to do from here. Ellie was busy at her makeshift kitchen, milling through cupboards and drawers. 

“Have you eaten?” She turned to face you for the first time since she had found you and frowned at your uncomfortable demeanour. “Just sit down or something, you’re making me feel weird just looking at you.” She snapped, immediately regretting it as you flinched and dragged yourself to the sofa like she’d throw you out if you hadn’t. “Sorry, have you eaten?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“That’s not what I asked though is it? Have you eaten? Yes or no?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Fucking liar.” She bit her lip as your eyes flashed to hers, guilt painted all over your features. She couldn’t see you like this, it was too hard to not just wrap you in her arms and tell you everything would be okay, that she’s here for you, you wouldn’t let her do that and she couldn’t let herself so she just turned back towards the kitchenette and began making some dinner for you both. “You know where my clothes are, don’t sit in those wet clothes, if you wanna take a shower to warm up you can.” 

“I’m-” 

“For fuck’s sake can you stop being so fucking stubborn and just take care of yourself? Go warm up and put on some dry clothes.” She sniped leading you to rush away from her and into the bathroom without another word. “Shit.” She muttered as the bathroom door slammed shut, she was kicking you while you were down and she felt horrible but she couldn’t control herself around you, if she could she would’ve pretended she hadn’t seen you earlier and kept walking. She heard the shower turn on and faintly through the pattering of the water she heard sniffles and choked sobs that led her to press her ear to the door trying to listen in closer. It was clear as day, the sound of your sobs that you thought the shower muffled, her heart clenched and her skin itched as it felt like it was constricting around her, choking the air out of her. She stayed at the door, just listening, she knew she should’ve given you privacy but she felt glued to the wood separating you both, she only moved when the sound of the soup bubbling beckoned her over to turn the heat on the cooker down. She went to go back to the door but the sound of the shower turning off sent her leaping in the complete opposite direction, sitting at her desk and forcing herself to keep her eyes planted on the comic that had been resting atop as you walked out in a towel, her towel and shuffled over to the drawers where she kept her pyjamas.  

She dished up the soup and handed you a bowl wordlessly before going back to the desk to eat hers, the tension was palpable between the both of you, the only sound filling the room being small metallic clinks of your spoons hitting the bowls over and over again as you scraped the remnants of the soup from the bowl. “Sorry it’s not much.” 

“Thank you Ellie.” You walked over to her and took her bowl going to the sink to wash them up for her, it was the least you could do. 

“You can take the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.” 

“No I’m not taking your bed too.” 

“Just-” She went to snap but sucked in a breath and calmed herself down. “Just take the bed, please.” You breathed deeply before nodding your head and skulking over to the bed where you had once stayed almost every other night, climbing in cautiously, subconsciously crawling over to ‘your’ side of the bed. 

“Thanks, night Ellie.” 

“Night.” It didn’t take long for sleep to overtake you, you were exhausted and your head was pounding, sleep providing the much-needed reprieve from the emotions of the day. 

The first thing your eyes focused on as you woke was Ellie’s sleeping form on the sofa, curled up under a blanket, her face was peaceful, washed of the scowl that typically took over her features around you now. Suddenly everything hit you like a brick and it felt like the air was getting sucked out of you as you rushed to change back into your clothes and get out of there as quickly and as quietly as possible. You were out of the door in under five minutes and the guilt only weighed you down with every step you took away from Ellie. She had been kind and helped you in a time of need and you ran off without a word. You didn’t know what you would say, how you could face her, it was too painful, going back to your home and facing the wrath of your parents would be kinder to your heart than staying with Ellie any longer. 

Ellie woke, eyes immediately scanning the room for you but as soon as she noticed you were gone without a warning, without a goodbye, she felt like she was losing you all over again and her eyes welled with tears as she pressed her face into her palms and cried softly. 

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

“Hi baby! Oh we missed you, did you have fun with Uncle Jesse and Auntie Dina?” You squeezed Clem to your chest until you heard a little squeak leave her lips prompting you to release her and tuck a loose strand of her soft waves behind her ear. 

“Yes! Uncle Jesse showed me how to play catch and Auntie Dina helped me make cookies, I have some to bring home!” Clem beamed before Ellie scooped her up and spun her around, eliciting giggles from the small girl. 

“Aren’t you a lucky girl? Say thank you kiddo.” Ellie pressed a sweet kiss to Clem’s cheek as she propped her on her hip and bounced her slightly. 

“Thank you! You guys are the best.” Clem’s happiness rubbed off on all of you as you all chuckled. You both thanked them profusely before leaving to go to Joel’s, you wanted to thank him in person also and you needed to discuss the move with him. 

As you walked, Clem in the middle of you both, gripping onto your hands, she rambled and rambled about her time away from you both until she hummed quietly, signalling she was done. “Can you swing me? Can we swing? Can we, can we? Pleaseee.” You and Ellie both smiled at her before swinging her into the air from her arms. She’d do a jump into it each time and giggled sweetly as she soared through the air between you both. By the time you reached Joel’s, yours and Ellie’s arms ached and Clem seemed tired and subdued, her tiredness only being confirmed as you entered Joel’s and she immediately took herself to the sofa to lay down instead of running straight outside to her playset. 

“Hi Joel, thanks so much for watching her yesterday. Didn’t give you too much trouble did she?” 

“Oh not at all, she was an angel as always, how was your trip?” You and Ellie glanced at each other before beaming at him. 

“It was perfect, you gotta see this house Joel, it’s a farmhouse with a fence around the property that’s completely intact, it’s got a barn, and the house has a wraparound porch, the view is amazing, it’s perfect.” Ellie rushed out as she sat at his dining table where he had already situated himself. 

“So you wanna move there?” You both nodded hesitantly, anticipating his reaction. “Well me and Tommy will have to get up there, have a look and see if it’s functional, but if ya wanna do this and it’ll make ya happy, I support ya. I heard what happened to Clem the other day.” He didn’t have to finish his sentence, you all understood what he was saying. It seemed you had outgrown Jackson and he wanted you to be happy, he wanted Clem to be happy and carefree. “We’ll all pitch in and get ya up there.” 

“Thank you Joel, we can’t tell you how much we appreciate this.” Your voice croaked slightly as you tried to hold in the tears of joy that welled in your eyes. 

“Well I can see this makes ya happy and that’s all I want.” 

“You’re really something old man.” Ellie chuckled, a smile so wide you expected her cheeks to ache as she looked between you and him, grabbing your hand and squeezing.  

“You told Clemmy yet?” 

“No actually, we wanted to speak to you first before we told her but we’ll talk to her about it today.” Ellie replied. 

“I’m sure she’ll jump at the idea.” 

“That’s what I said.” You looked to the girl dozing on the sofa as you spoke and everything felt like it was falling into place, your life being mapped out in front of you, the sight making your body buzz with excitement. 

tags: @emiliabby@readbydayana@radioheadfan699@lil-elliesgf@isitadinosaur@amberputh@maelovescashew@a-little-bit-of-everybody@moonspowder@bready101

[mythunderstorm]

Maybe in another life | LN4

Lando Norris x fem!reader

word count: 2,7k

summary: Lando cares about you. But it isn’t enough to fix what went wrong between you two.

warnings: fwb situation; unrequited feelings; both reader and Lando act like assholes at some point; Lando has mood swings like every two fucking seconds; reader has some serious fucking issues and needs to learn how to communicate; angst. just angst; not proofread

…i kinda hate this

masterlist

„Hello Darling“

You freeze, not thinking he'd find you out here. You wouldn't say you're avoiding Lando, but facing him wasn't something you wanted right now either.

You're sitting on a small hill in Monaco, watching the sea and how the waves are crashing against the shore. You needed a break, get some air and maybe forget that nasty feeling deep inside of you. You know your mind is playing tricks on you, but you can't help but notice that sour taste in your mouth whenever you think about it.

„How did you know I was gonna be here?“ you question him without looking at his face, keeping your gaze on the water and the setting sun in front of you.

„I knew because I'm tracking you, following you and watching you.... Kidding. I followed my gut. You okay there?“

Normally, you'd laugh at his stupid jokes. But right now you really weren't in the mood. You didn't know how to answer him, so you just kept silent.

Lando comes and sits down next to you. „Are you alright?“ He seems concerned.

„I'm okay“, you answer shortly without showing any emotions in your tone.

„You don't seem okay?“ He leans forward a bit and puts his hand on your shoulder. He tries to make eye contact with you.

„..I really wanna be alone right now.“

Lando moves his hand.

„I don't think that is the best idea. What happened? Did someone hurt you?“ He sounds genuinely concerned, almost like he is hurt by the thought of you being hurt.

You have no idea how to answer this. You couldn't exactly tell Lando that he's the reason you're feeling like this, even though he did nothing wrong. You weren't dating. He wasn't yours. He could flirt with and kiss whoever he wanted. Just because you guys had a friends with benefits going on didn't give you the right to be jealous. Because that's what you guys are. Friends. Nothing more.

„I'm fine, Lando. Go back to the party, alright?“

He moves so he is kneeling beside you. „I'm not going anywhere before I know that you are okay. You look like you're gonna cry any second, so please...“ He moves his hand on your shoulder again, gently caressing your neck.

„I'm fine. I'm not gonna cry and you don't have to worry.“ you answer while pulling away from his touch.

„I am not taking that as an answer. Look me in the eyes and tell me that everything is fine.“ Lando doesn't let you go and his tone of voice indicates that he means business.

You sign, turning to face him for the first time since he joined you out here. „Everything is fine.“

Lando doesn't seem convinced. „Really?“ He raises his eyebrows while still looking you dead in the eye.

„Yes. Now please go back inside.“

After a short pause, he says „no.“

„You won't fool me that easily. I can see it, the way you hide your pain behind a strong face. The way you talk. It's not fine and you know it.“

You take a deep breath, turning away from Lando yet again, concentrating on the water in front of you. „Even if something would be bothering me, which isn't the case, am I asking you to leave me alone. I just need some time to think through some stuff, okay?“

The boy notices that your voice has gotten a bit shakey and that it's hard for you to talk about it. „Hey hey.. no need to keep it all in. I can understand that you need some me-time but.. I want you to promise me one thing, okay?“ He waits for you to give him a response before moving on.

„..depends.“ Lando signs.

„Promise me that you won't do anything stupid. Promise me or else I won't go.“

„I promise. You don't have to worry about me.“

„I call bullshit.“ Lando leans in closer and places his face only a few centimeters away from yours. His expression seems a bit anxious and definitely worried. „Please just promise me.. and this time I want to hear it with your real voice. With your real emotion behind it, okay?“

„Lando.“

„Come on. Say it to me. I have to hear it coming from your heart. I need to hear you say it.“

You sign. „Just leave it alone, alright?“

„I'm not leaving you alone until you promise me.“ He seems really scared and worried about you. „Please..“

„I promise! I fucking promise but please...“ you're almost begging now, being in Landos presence is simply too much right now.

He sees that you're on the brink of crying now so he puts his hand on the back of your head and gently makes you lean against his chest so you are almost laying on him. „Hey hey.. it's okay.. it's gonna be alright.“ Lando tries to comfort you while stroking your hair and gently caressing your back.

You want to stay like this forever. Feeling Lando touch you, have him care about you. You want to snuggle closer to his body and act like all of this is real. Like you could really have a chance with him.

But you pull away. „Fuck Lando, why can't you understand that I don't want to see you right now“ you snap, regretting it a second after. He did nothing wrong, it's not his fault that you can't control your stupid feelings and he definitely doesn't deserve the way you're treating him at the moment.

Lando looks taken back by your sudden outburst. „Are you serious? I just wanted to make sure you're okay and now you treat me like this?“ He stands up, looking deeply disappointed and hurt.

„..i'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just.. it's me.“

He takes his time with answering but does it with a cold and harsh voice „I tried to help you, I cared about you and I wanted to help you through your shitty moment. And you repay me by treating me like shit?“

You close your eyes, not knowing if you can control your feelings any longer. You're on the verge of crying and you'll do anything that he doesn't see it. „I'm sorry Lando.“

His facial expression goes from anger to sadness in a flick of a second. His face gets softer but he still looks devestated. Then he turns around and starts to walk away but before he disappears completely he stops and turns back. „Don't expect me to care next time.“

You should be glad. He finally did what you asked him, leaving you alone. But after hearing Landos last words it felt like you lost a part yourself. It felt like he didn't leave you for only tonight, it felt like he left you completely.

Maybe it's better this way. You never intended to fall in love with him, he was very clear at the beginning of your small arragement that the relationshit between you two was plainly physical. He would never return your feeings, so maybe it was better for him to rid you from his life for good.

Nonetheless, tears started to stream down your cheeks and you felt completely devastated. You couldn't control yourself as sobs and sniffling noises filled the quiet night. You just layed there and cried, while looking at the moon that was shining above the sea in front of you.

---

Slowly but surely the tears stopped falling, your eyes getting used to the darkness of the night. Suddenly you felt like you weren't alone, turning your head, only to spot that Lando is standing next to you again. He kept his distance, but he is there.

Quickly, you turned your head back. „..how long have you been here?“ you whisper into the night after a few minutes of silence.

„Long enough to see how pathetic you are.“ His tone sounds harsh again. Shaking his head in disappointment, he says „I shouldn't even waste my time with you. What's wrong with you anyway? Why are you getting so emotional when someone wants to make sure you're okay?“ It’s a low blow, being mean like that. But Lando tends to speak up before he can think things completely through.

„Then why did you come back, if you feel like this“ you answer, ignoring his questions.

He doesn't reply to you immediately, staying quiet for what seems like an eternity. „..'cause I care about you. And you know it.“ His eyes search your face and his voice is filled with emotion. He really wants to see your face.

„You shouldn't care for me. I don't deserve it.“

„Why shouldn't I care? I can decide for myself if you're worth it... which you are.“ He puts his hand on your chin, making you look at him. „Please just look at me.“

You sign. You know Lando is trying to help you but he deserves someone better. Someone who didn't break the only rule you guys had. To not fall in love. You're only a burden to him, you know it and he knows it aswell. He told you mere minutes ago that he shouldn't waste his time with you. So, as much as it hurts, you're gonna let him go.

„..i don't think we should see each other again.“

Lando seems hurt by your words, as his face gets more grim and he tries to control his emotions. He doesn't want to get angry again. „So that's it? We just stop everything, just like that..?“ After saying those words he looks away, but deep inside he hopes you would say something else... Anything.

But you only nod, not daring to look at him. Landos shoulders start to shake ever so slightly. „Are you okay with this decision? I mean.. You don't regret it or anything?“

„It doesn't matter what I think about this. You wanted something easy. Something physically. And I can't give that to you. Not anymore.“

He stays silent for a second or two before answering „Can I ask you something before it ends for real? Do you.. Do you regret a single minute with me?“

You look down while pressing your eyes shut, shaking you head. „No. Not a single moment.“

He sees your reaction and doesn't say anything for what seems like an eternity. His face seems devastated and his eyes are filled with sorrow. But suddenly, he seems a bit angry again. „Really? Because I'm beginning to regret not telling you to get lost in the first place.“

You're eyes are welling up again, you want to look away but for some reason you can't. „The only thing I regret is breaking the only rule you made me promise not to break. So yea, maybe you should have told me to 'get lost' from the beginning.“

Lando can't believe your words. His anger turns into pain. He puts a hand on top of his head as he tries to take in what you just said. There is a long pause before he finally mutters out a silent „You.. You love me?“

Turning away from him, it feels like someone stabbed you in the heart. That's it, you think. The end. „It was never my intention, okay? You told me from the beginning that this is only physical, that the only thing you want is for us to not fall in love. Saying that we wouldn't work out anyway. So fuck, yes, I fell in love with you, even though I promised you not to.“

His eyes become wet as tears form underneath his lids. After a long pause, in a hushed voice, he finally replies „How long?“

You let out a shuddered breath, being too much of a coward to answer him.

„Tell me. How long?“ He is really trying hard to keep his voice steady and calm.

„..6 month“ your voice is barely a whisper.

After hearing your words he doesn't get angry nor disppointed. He doesn't even cry anymore. All he feels is pain. „Why didn’t you tell me?“

„Isn’t that obvious?“ you let out a humorless laugh, while Lando takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment.

„But please, at least tell me why you are telling me this now.. after everything... What's the point of telling me now?“ He sounds completely hurt and confused.

„Because I can’t keep pretending. I can’t keep pretending that it doesn’t hurt me whenever you leave my apartment late at night, that it doesn’t hurt me whenever you flirt with someone else, that it doesn’t hurt me to know that you will never love me back. So I‘m letting you go.“

He tries to speak but his voice catches in his throat.

„Don't.“ he mumbles. It takes a while until he starts speaking again. „Don't say that, please.“

He looks utterly desperate now. There is a huge lump in his throat and his eyes are completely filled with tears.

„..we can’t continue this. You know that Lando. We both want something from one another that we cannot provide. You want something without any feelings. But I‘m feeling too much.“

Shaking his head repeatedly, it’s almost like he doesn't believe the things you say, or like he doesn't know what to say anymore.

„I..I can..change. You are.. enough for me.“ He sounds like he is trying to talk himself into believing the things he just said, but deep down he knows it's not true.

„I love you..“ He now seems to have a little bit of hope in him, as if his words might change everything suddenly.

You meet his eyes, you really want to believe him. But you know it’s not the truth. „Don’t say something you don’t mean. Please.“ Your voice is just a shaky whisper.

The hope in his eyes quickly disappears as he looks at you. He only said what you wanted to hear, what your heart needed to hear, but he didn't even believe it himself. He is completely and utterly defeated now and he just looks at you with a hopeless and helpless look on his face. He does care about you. A lot. Besides the sex Lando would even go as far as calling you one of his best friends. But he knows it wouldn’t be fair to you to force you into staying in his life.

Slowly his head goes down and after a few seconds of silence he whispers a few words „Can... Can you hug me one last time?“

Tears are falling down your cheeks. This is it. This is the final goodbye. So you take a step towards him, circling your arms around his torso. You press yourself against him, taking in his scent for one last time.

„..maybe in another life we’re meant to be together“

Lando closes his eyes while feeling your body pressed against his. He can't believe that this is the end. After a few minutes he softly kisses your forhead and whispers into your ear:

„I will see you in another life, y/n.“

[jeckilon]

long ass rant about that one show and fandom experience and some other stuff feel free to read or skip or whatever

everyone that follows me here probably already knows my feelings about andor since I don’t even hide it lol but let me tell you that I wasn’t always a hater bitch

I literally had a news account on twitter (that it’s still there btw but it’s run by someone else since I quit), I was super excited for it that I read everything you can imagine about this show, I knew every new thing, every interview, anything. I woke up every week 4am to watch the new episodes and mind you I worked all day and studied at night. I literally ruined my sleep schedule for this so I guess I have the right to be a bitch if I want okay

so why such sudden change you ask. first of all I started doing therapy and finally realized that hypertixations like that are harmful as fuck and ruin your mental health. it was a good point to start and get away from it. it wasn’t easy at all lol if it was easy people would be suck on that stuff but it was making me sick and I’m glad I left that hole lol

second thing, the fandom experience after this show aired started to be SHIT in ways it waned before. I know star wars fans are definitely not know for being civil or decent people or whatever but our corner was safe. until it wasn’t. people started to get over here and try to dictate how we should feel or make fun of us for liking rogue one or shipping rebelcaptain and it really started to ruin things for me. don’t even let me get started on the fucking asks lol wtf was that. unfortunately I was not in a good mental state so I answered those and wanted to pick fights but don’t worry I now realize it’s stupid and we should let these people choke alone

and well, those two things combined kinda woke me up from this obsession and the result of seeing all this left a super sour taste in my mouth. that you can see from all my salty posts from my alt account lol I apologize for that also

after 2 years in, I just decided want to ignore all this the best I can and honestly pretend this show doesn’t exist if it’s possible. I love and respect everyone here that I consider a friend and I hope y’all have a blast with season 2 but I’ll do my best to pretend it’s not even there. maybe I’ll find other interests to keep me busy, maybe I’ll take a break from here or whatever but it’s not worth it

I’m really NOT looking forward for all the dumb takes and posts taking shit about rogue one and jyn and rebelcaptain shippers or whatever lol this is beyond pathetic please these people need to get a life. I know I’m guilty of finding these horrible shit and I apologize, I promise I’ll definitely not look for them anymore

I love rogue one with all my heart, rebelcaptain is literally the most important ship for me and I’m so grateful for everyone I met here but if I need to just leave for a while then I will

and if I’m allowing myself to be a massive bitch for the last time while we’re here… no I’m not doing this. whatever. it’s not worth it. jk im gonna say it these annoying people are super jealous about rebelcaptain because their “canon” ship is boring as fuck and will never have 10% of rebelcaptain’s relevancy lmaooo keep being pressed and irrelevant mwah

[yuurikatsukienthusiast]

Listen, I love Victor to death. But Lord did he irritate me at the beginning...

At the start, when Victor first showed up in Hasetsu to be Yuuri's coach, one of the first things he does is fat shame him.

And I understand that it's for comedic purposes, but just thinking about how insecure Yuuri was at that point in his life kinda causes those comments to leave a sour taste in your mouth.

Because imagine your idol, who you've looked up to since you were 12, shows up to your house randomly and starts picking apart your body. Yuuri is strong af for putting up with that because I think I might've simply combusted.

Looking at it from a more serious perspective, imagine what that must've done to his self esteem. Sure, it was sort of motivating in a way, but Yuuri was also still pretty depressed during that time period. Imagine how much worse his insecurities were after that?

I can understand that most of it was light hearted in nature, but I know it had to have had some sort of negative impact on his mental health. I wish it was addressed more in the fandom if I'm being completely honest.

(aka, I need my fill of insecure Yuuri angst fics...)

I also know that Victor never said any of it to demean Yuuri, or make him feel bad about himself. Because at that point in time, I don't think Victor was really emotionally in tune with Yuuri enough to really understand just how much his words could have affected him. But I also just think it's important to acknowledge that all the fat shaming that Yuuri was dealing with at that time, along with his anxiety and depression, had to have had at least a little bit of an impact on his self esteem.

I don't think Victor would ever say anything like that to Yuuri now, since he's more aware of just how fragile he can be at times. And I honestly think Victor would find that chubbiness attractive. But I think his actions at the beginning should at least be acknowledged.

(ps, if anyone has any good insecure Yuuri fics recommendations, please give them to me...)

[musings-ofthe-unamused]

As Fate Would Have It (BNHA)

Pairings: Dabi x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: I do kinda wanna make this a series. I think it would be neato

The club was busy. You sat at the end of the bar, swirling the glass in your hands. You watched the pink liquid form a tiny little whirlpool before sloshing around. The bass of the music seemed to shake the whole bar, the flashing lights giving you a headache. You had no idea why people wanted to party on a Thursday night, yet here they were. It must have been nice to get so drunk that you had no worries, no thoughts. Only alcohol and having fun. Of course, everyone would face the consequences the next morning.

It was only 12 am, but you had already been hit on by three guys tonight. One was too drunk to even register what he was doing. That encounter lasted five seconds. The second one tried immediately grinding on you when you walked in the club. You had pushed him away in disgust, his girlfriend coming to fetch him. The last one just kept talking and talking…You had to politely tell him you weren't interested before he left. 

Now you were about to get hit on for a fourth time. He was sitting two seats away from you. His hair was black and spiked up with gel. He had piercings on his ears, eyebrow, and two on his lips, while his arms were covered by two large sleeves. The clothes he wore were simple; just a black shirt and some jeans. But the most interesting part of him was a dark purplish burn covering the lower left side of his face. You gave the man a sideways glance, emitting a smile from him. 

"You come here often?" He asked, getting up and sliding into the seat next to yours.

You snort, rolling your eyes. "Is that the best opening line you could come up with?"

"I"m Dabi. What's your name?"

"Why do you want to know?

He laughed, the sound low and gravelly as if he smoked a lot. It wasn't often you went to clubs, and it was even less often that you told random strangers your name. But he was making you curious for just one conversation. So you tell him your name. 

"But I have other nicknames."

"And what are those?"

"We haven't gotten there yet."

He flashed you a grin, leaning back. "Then how about I give you a nickname of my own?"

"What would that be?"

“Hmmm….we’ll have to see.” He gave you a wink. "We haven't gotten there yet. 

“Alright then, Dabi. What do you do?”

“I’m curious to know what you do. You don’t often see a person with an aversion to alcohol in a club.”

“So you’re deflecting?”

“Deflecting?”

“Yeah. It’s either a diversion from a part of your life you want to remain hidden. Something that you can’t control, even though you want to. Something that you’re not proud of. Or it’s because you’re so confident in your flirting skills that you believe it’s unnecessary to learn more about each other. It’ll end in a one night stand, after all."

Dabi raised an eyebrow. "I'm flattered that you think I sleep with people that often."

"Am I wrong?" 

"No." He leaned forward. "Do you want to be the next one night stand?"

"And get an STD? No, thank you." You crinkled your nose. 

"I don't have-" Dabi paused and then sighed. "You got a mouth on you. Is it because of that?"

He nodded his head toward your drink. You shrug and take a sip, the taste sending a shiver down your spine. Your face looked as if you just had something sour and your tongue stuck out. Dabi let out a loud laugh. You set your glass down. Dabi then took it, downing the whole thing in one gulp.

"Fruity."

"Gross."

He slid the glass back over to you. "You don't like alcohol? That was a pretty cute reaction."

"Nah," I shake my head. "It's not really my thing."

"Then why'd you drink it?"

"Because I wanted to try what's popular, and that's what he gave me."

Dabi looked over at the bartender. His eyes narrowed for just a second, as if recognizing him. You studied him while he was distracted. Like every other fuckboy, his flirting game was mediocre at best. The conversation was interesting, thankfully. He didn't seem to want to reveal anything about himself, but neither did you. It made it all the more fun to talk to him.

The night went on as the two of you conversed. Most of it was meaningless conversation, avoiding any topics that might reveal too much about each other. The only things you had found out about him was that he smoked, he enjoyed listening to music, and he lived with an acquaintance (he was adamant on not calling him a friend). In return, you revealed that you also enjoyed listening to music, you love the rain, and you hate clubs.

"Really?" Dabi leaned forward, his elbow resting against the bar. "Then why are you here?"

You hummed slightly. "First, I didn't know it would be so busy for a Thursday. Second, I like to feel like a normal young adult that goes out clubbing."

" That doesn't make you sound like a normal young adult." He snorted, rolling his eyes.

"And sleeping around does?"

"Again with the bite, little flame. Don't get too feisty." He gave you a wink and a smile.

"Is that my new nickname?"

"Sure is. What do you think?"

"No comment."

Dabi's smile grew wider. "Hey, are you doing anything else for the rest of the night?"

You narrowed your eyes. "Why?"

"Don't look so defensive! I just wanna know if you want to get out of here."

"Nope," You lifted your empty glass. "Gonna hang out here for a bit."

"Then, can I get your number?"

"That's a no as well."

"Oh really?" Dabi laughed, lowering his gaze to stare at you through his eyelashes. "Then how can I see you again?"

You shrugged. "I don't know."

"Don't you want to see me again?"

"I'd rather let fate decide."

"I see," Dabi stood, sticking his hand out. "Then I hope fate makes me lucky. See you later, little flame."

You shook his hand. "Bye bye, Dabi."

As Dabi left the club, you turned your attention back to your glass. A hand reached over and pulled it away from you. You looked up to see the bartender giving you a look full of disdain. You knew what was coming. It's the same look you got after you interacted with anyone in the club for more than five minutes. With a roll of your eyes, you leaned forward.

"Don't give me that look, Hawks."

The blond man shrugged, pouring your drink down a drain. "Should've told him you owned the place."

"No. Because then he'd come here looking for me."

"He does look like the type. I've seen him here several times. Caused a fight once or twice."

"See?" You grinned, resting your chin on your hand. "Dodged a bullet."

Hawks laughed, throwing his rag over his shoulder. "Yeah, unless fate says otherwise."

"I doubt it."

[spiderculechronicals]

Context for this: I've decided that since Peter 2 creates webs in his body it makes sense for him to also produce a way to dissolve them, so I came up with this special spit he can produce that happens to taste pretty sour and bitter. He uses a bit of the spit when he and Wade get settled on a roof to eat in order to unseal the makeshift take-away package hed put together earlier without ripping it open, which is exciting for Wade to see and they talk a bit about Peter 2's webs a bit. Anyway, after they eat and *cough* other activities (roof sex, filthy roof sex), they get ready to go and Peter 2 decides to ask if Wade wants to taste the special spit, since the other Peters already had. Of Course Wade is down for that.

---

“Okay, so, for the sake of curiosity… would you like to taste the web-dissolving spit?”

Wade gasped, “Uh, yeah! Hell yeah…! Hit me with that Spidey-juice!”

Peter 2 ran his tongue into the back corner of his mouth and worked up a bit from the gland, then nodded and waved Wade in for a kiss. Wade went in for it with enthusiasm, the taste hitting him immediately. He made a little sound but didn’t pull off right away, sliding his tongue around curiously. Peter 2 figured out what he was doing and pulled off as an additional dribble of the secretion flooded his mouth. “Ack- pht…” He spat on the ground, coincidentally hitting the web patch and leaving a gaping hole.

“Hehehe! Sorry, sorry… that wasn’t cool of me… Hmm! Kind of a cruel irony that it tastes bad to you… I’m also surprised if that hasn’t happened on accident when you were sucking face- or has it?”

Peter 2 spat a few more times. “Hmm! Thankfully not. It’s pretty far back there and on the other side of my teeth from where kissing tongues tend to be. So, it doesn’t bother you at all, then?”

“It’s got kind of a slight stomach acid twang to it, which I can see as being the most off-putting aside from the bitterness… which I’d rate a little below Campari. You could spit that in a glass of gin with a lemon twist and I’d drink it.” Wade shrugged.

“Uh… would not recommend doing that. I worked at a theater as a bartender for a little while, there was a guy who was being pretty insufferable to his date- I don’t think he was going to get violent, and he was calling enough attention to himself that it was highly unlikely any drugging was on his agenda- but she was apparently not as impressed by the show as he thought she should be and he was insulting her intelligence and upbringing over it. So when I ducked down to grab more ice I dripped a couple teaspoons worth in the bottom of the shaker for his dirty gin martini… she was having chardonnay. Anyway, he took two swallows and then froze stock still… I’m kinda expecting to get yelled at, but he doesn’t get that far because he just immediately shits himself as soon as he stands up. Fully liquid running out of his pants leg. No idea that was a side effect! That’s why I pulled away when you did that, not just because it tastes bad to me. Doesn’t affect me that way, thankfully, and trace amounts seem safe as well.”

“Webs!!! That’s so fucking devious I love it…!!” Wade cackled with glee, “Oh, fuck! You’re a better man than me, I would absolutely be dosing pricks like that on purpose all the time…”

“Ehhh… I was the one who had to clean up the bar, though, which pretty much put me off doing it in future.”

Wade giggled. “The point of spitting in a drink is that they can’t tell you did it, though… didn’t you think he was going to notice the taste?”

“Oh- yeah he was also being an insufferable prick about how people drink safe fruity things or white wine and don’t have complex palates, and then he orders a dirty gin martini and says I should be sure to swirl it, not shake it…” Peter 2 smirked. “I’m sure he tasted it but if he was going to pull a face it would’ve made him look bad.”

[thegeminisage]

tos ep rewrites/stid rewrite for the wip meme!!!

HIIII ty for asking

this isn't technically a fic per se, it's almost like a half-fic half-meta kind of deal - essentially it's an outline of what could be a fic if i had more time and patience. i did this for the first tos movie here and had a lot of fun doing it, and then i also did a small rewrite of "tholian web" here, and i had SO MUCH FUN DOING THEM but then i got side tracked and haven't done anymore. my plans for other episodes/stid are vaguely as follows:

the enemy within - loved this one conceptually but the crass rape jokes left a real sour taste in my mouth. i'd have less of that (or, if i had it, take it seriously) and more shenanigans where someone can't tell the two kirks apart because. they're both the real kirk!! that's the real point of the episode, right?

the conscience of the king - frankly, there was too much shakespeare here, even though it will always be my fav trek episode of all time. i also thought the lenore thing, while a great twist, could have been a little less "but kirk really secretly loved this woman 20 years younger than him!" and more "man this is crazy fucked up that is trying to honeypot this very young woman and surprise she is doing it back to him." more foreshadowing and drama, you know? the tos version wouldn't have to be gambler's knife but it could be something more than what it was considering the huge effect it had on fandom - i always kinda wished it had the vibes that obsession did.

the galileo seven - i thought this episode treated spock like he was kind of stupid. "why is my first command failing when i've been an asshole to everybody?" he has a human mother! he knows how emotions work! he is not stupid! i also thought there was a missed opportunity: they all talked about how callous it was for him to be picking a man to leave behind to lighten the ship, and he was so obviously going to choose himself, but it never went anywhere. let's do him more justice!

metamorphosis - let's chill with the horrific misogyny and have more fun with the accidental parallel kirk made in his really cool speech. like fuck it this is my edit let's just do spirk

mirror, mirror - this one is actually perfect as it is but i wish we'd had more time to se what the mirror kirk & co were doing in the prime universe.

journey to babel - this one is great but i don't think it takes either of spock's parents to task enough for him turning out like that. also, they tricked us into thinking amanda was the good cop in aos and then have her slap him in tos but then acted like that was just fine? girl, let's get into it

the paradise syndrome - i just want this episode without the heinous racism. please please please. easily easily EASILY my biggest trek disappointment ever

requiem for methuselah/the enterprise incident - these two go together as part of a more complex story based partially on the fact that they originally wanted kirk's breakdown in the latter episode to be a real result of the various um things that happened to him in season 3 and partially by the fact that requiem for methuselah WAS my november 5th and i am being completely serious. i didn't think i would ever feel that way again but i did at the end of that episode. you can read about the general idea here at the end of @maulthots close encounters powerpoint which i helped a little bit with.

honorable mention to episode premises i would have loved in a different context - lights of zetar where spock is the possessed one and an episode totally unrelated to wolf in the fold, the funniest tos ep after tribbles, where an enemy who feeds on fear jumps around the ship possessing people. that could have been great had it been in a serious episode and not been played by piglet's voice actor

and finally, star trek into darkness...everything about this movie was bad, except the warp core thing which was accidentally very very VERY good. so i'd rewrite it from the ground up, starting with recasting khan, because that was just a hateful thing to do. i don't have very many concrete ideas on this yet except you'd HAVE to get assad zaman for khan, right? because he can do that thing where he makes his eyes shake? he would have rocked it.

let people send you an ask with the WIP title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it!

[broken-clover]

I just got to the level of bond where Luke reveals he's a PMC yesterday and was curious as to your thoughts on what that says about his character.

Kinda disappointing tbh. He's a pretty dorky and charming character and then they had to go and make him a pig.

I'm not even wholly opposed to him being a solider, because I felt like they were going in the direction of 'wide-eyed idealist wants to take after his daddy and joins the army to emulate him and then is horrified by the unglamorous reality of the military complex' but having him then switch to being a PMC makes it weird because apparently he's not that bothered by the whole thing. That and narratively it feels like it only exists to have him be in Nayshall for the prequel comics and afaik it doesn't really play much else of a role in his character aside from the training gym being owned by a security company (which could easily be written out without any significant change to the story)

Yeah sure capcom make all the memes you want but I'll just be sitting uncomfortably off to the side wondering how many civilian casualties he's responsible for. And you could say 'well it's a game and he totally could have been a Good Cop that didn't do any bad stuff or hurt anyone that didn't deserve it' but that's cartoonishly idealistic given that this game in specific goes out of its way to discuss topics like information warfare and how easy it is to slander someone's reputation over the internet and how technology plays an increasing role on the physical battlefield to replace human soldiers. It's hard to believe he hasn't at the very least knocked around some strikers protesting a corporation's business tactics. In the end it just leaves a sour taste in my mouth

[karahalloway]

Sleepless in New York: Chapter 11 - Cold Light of Day

Series: TRR

Pairing: Drake Walker x F!OC (Harper Gale)

Synopsis: What if Drake met Harper on the first night of Prince Christian’s New York bachelor party? A stand-alone AU written from Drake's POV.

Masterlist: Sleepless in New York

Chapter Summary: It's the morning after the night before, and Drake does some reminiscing...

Word Count: 3,500

Rating/Warnings: E (swearing, angst, awkwardness, references to masturbation, obsessive-compulsive drinking)

Chapter theme song:

A/N1: So... This was not what I was supposed to be working on 🙈 My plan was to finish up Part 3 of Thanksgiving so it could be my submission for this year's Flufftober, but - as per usual - my brain (and my characters - thank you, Walker!) had other ideas, so here we are 😅

A/N2: I had 90% of this chapter written before the start of the summer, but then my inspiration kinda fizzled out, and I only finished it very recently. I was then umming-and-ahhing about whether to wait to post until the next part was also finished, or whether to split the content into two chapters. I went with the latter. Next chapter should be posted soon, though! Thanks for bearing with me! We're almost at the end (I know I keep saying this, but I can officially see the light at the end of the tunnel now!)

Chapter 11 - Cold Light of Day

My eyes snap open.

And just like that, I'm back on top of the hotel room bed, staring up at the ceiling, my hand wrapped around my still-pulsing dick.

Fuck.

I've never tripped out like that before.

Sure, I've dived down the rabbit-hole of a fantasy or two before. I mean, what guy hasn't? You're not gonna jack off staring at your own schlong, and if porn isn't available, you're gonna make up your own.

But to lose myself in the warren of make-believe so completely? To the point where the line between fact and fiction dissolves and I've lost all sense of direction?

Never.

Though I guess I now know what The Matrix feels like...

As if to evidence the point, I feel the end-results of my feverish daydream slide down my hip.

I swallow a groan. Great...

Yet another reason why I'd wanted to avoid flying solo. Because in addition to the sour taste in your mouth, you're always left with a God-awful mess to clean up... Especially if you hadn't had the foresight to grab a towel beforehand.

Which leaves me with an unenviable choice: make an awkward dash to the bathroom while trying (and most likely failing) to contain the dog's breakfast sitting in my lap; or repurpose something to act as an impromptu rag...

...though one downwards glance quickly narrows my options.

Definitely Option 2.

Unclenching my cum-covered hand from my junk, I carefully balance on an elbow as I reach up to grab the collar of my t-shirt. Because given the extent of the damage, there's no way I'm making it to the sink without some serious casualties.

And I'd rather sacrifice the shirt off my back than the one pair of jeans I'm going to have to travel back home in.

Decision made, I pull the t-shirt over my head, lowering myself carefully back against the headboard so I don't accidentally capsize my payload onto the covers. Because that's definitely not something that I have in me to deal with tonight.

Scrunching the cotton up, I wipe my hand before reach down to begin cleaning myself up...

...and nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of the loud rap on the door.

"Room service...!"

"Shit!" I cuss under my breath, tossing the ruined t-shirt onto my duffle while grabbing for my jeans as I roll of the bed.

Yanking the denim up as my bare feet hit the floor, I quickly secure the fly and top button with one hand while scrambling for my wallet with the other. "Two secs!"

Locating the well-worn, hand-stitched leather on the bedside table, I flip it open and extract a couple of notes for the tip. Throwing the wallet back onto the bed, I do one last visual sweep to make sure that everything was kosher before—

Knock-knock-knock!

"I said I'm coming!" I holler back, wrenching my belt through its buckle as I make my way across the room.

Sweet Jesus! Hold your fuckin' horses already!

Reaching the entranceway, I snap an irate hold on the door handle. Wrenching it back, I come face-to-face with the impatient staff member who's gearing up for yet another round of aggressive knocking.

"Oh!" she exclaims in surprise, her fake-lash enhanced eyes going wide. "I—"

"No need to wake the whole damn neighbourhood..." I tell her tersely. "I said I was coming."

She flushes scarlet, not quite knowing where to look. "Sorry... The... umm... the doors are sound-proofed, so I... I couldn't—"

"Never mind," I grunt, pulling the door wider so she could wheel the food in.

She stares at me like a newborn calf seeing a fence for the first time.

I quirk a brow. This girl high, or something?

But just as I'm about to open my mouth to say something, she snaps out of whatever trance she's stumbled into and quickly refocuses her attention on the task at hand.

Stepping back, she reverses the service cart slightly so she can angle it into the room...

...and she still manages to hit the door frame on the way in.

The contents of the trolley jerk with a loud rattle and I have to snap a hand out to save the bottle of whiskey from crashing onto the floor.

"Christ alive..." I mutter under my breath.

"Oh, my God!" she gasps, face going red. "I am so s—!"

"I'll take it from here," I tell her, throwing the whiskey under my arm as I snatch the clonche-covered tray off the trolley while it was still in one piece.

"But—"

"Thanks," I say firmly, holding the tip up with an uncompromising look.

She glances at the notes almost morosely before reaching out to take them with a sigh. "Is there anything—?"

"Nope," I say, moving to close the door back 'round. "I'm good."

"Okay..." She heaves a breath as she begins to pull the cart back into the corridor. "Well, if you change your—"

"I won't," I assure her, flicking the door closed as soon as she's cleared the threshold.

Jesus... Talk about incompetent.

Retracing my steps, I deposit the tray onto the bed and reach for the whiskey under my arm.

Unscrewing the top, I tip the bottle back, not bothering with a glass from the mini bar.

The sweet sting of the amber liquid hits the back of my throat, and I suck it down, feeling the familiar warmth snake its way through my insides.

God, I needed that.

I take two more generous swallows — after the shit way the second half of the night had ended up unfolding, I'm seriously overdue some Southern comfort — before pulling the bottle back down and re-attaching the cap.

Chucking the bourbon onto the covers, I detour to the bathroom to wash my hands properly before sitting down on the edge of the bed and lifting the clonche.

The smell of grilled meat and salted carbs plumes out into the room, and my stomach growls in response.

Fuck, I'm starving.

Grabbing the burger with both hands, I tear into it viciously. The smoky flavour of the beef hits my tongue, followed quickly by the creaminess of the melted cheddar, and the tang of the pickles.

And even though it's not quite as good as the one I had back at the dive bar, that doesn't stop me from wolfing down another ravenous bite before the first one's cleared my gullet.

Because given how hard my body's craving the calories, even a tub of caviar would've tasted like ambrosia right now... And I fuckin' hate caviar.

Gulping the mouthful down, I grab a handful of fries and throw 'em down the hatch as well, barely pausing to chew before I swallow.

This ain't a high society dinner, so fuck table-manners.

Chowing down on the food like it's my last meal on Earth, I polish off the plate in record time, even wiping up the wayward bits of relish that had escaped the bun with last couple of fries...

...and am rewarded with a loud belch for my efforts.

I scoff. Probably shouldn't've eaten so quick...

But what's done is done. And my body sure as hell feels the better for it.

Sucking my fingers clean, I reach for the bourbon again. Taking another swig — much more measured this time — I drop the clonche back into the now empty plate and move the tray onto the upholstered bench that sat at the foot of the bed.

Glancing down at my watch, I can see that it's just coming up to 5am.

Which means that dawn's right around the corner.

I glance briefly at the bed.

But I know there's no point.

Because as exhausted as I am, I know I'm never gonna be able to nod off. Not this close to departure time. I'll just be staring at the ceiling, counting the minutes 'til my alarm rings.

Especially since the sun's about to come up. And when that happens, there's no way in hell I'm catching any shut-eye. My circadian rhythms are too well-tuned for that.

So, closing the bourbon back up again, I push myself heavily up from the bed. Making my way over to my duffle for the third time tonight, I extract my last wearable shirt.

Pulling it on, I grab my phone — no urgent messages or missed calls, thank fuck! Though the battery's on the verge of dying...

But it's gonna have to suck it up in power-saver mode. Because I only have a handful of self-imposed fiats that I live my life by. And top of the list is never leave anywhere without my phone.

Ever.

I learnt that lesson the hard way...

And I'm not about to break my cardinal rule. Especially not after Chris' disappearing act last night.

So, dropping the device into my pocket, I reach for my sidearm — another thing I never go anywhere without. Slotting it into the back of my jeans, I grab the keycard and exit the room again, not bothering with shoes.

I'm not plannin' on being gone long. And my feet could do with a break after racking up some serious miles over the past 24 hours in my boots. Plus, it feels good to let my soles run free — especially since I can't go for my usual barefoot run on the beach here.

But given that I have nothing better to do, and the TV had let me down earlier, I may as well take advantage of this brief moment of calm to do something that I actually enjoy.

Making my way up onto the roof — via the lift this time because I'm in no particular rush and I've already more than surpassed my daily step count — I push the door open and step into the twilight.

As expected, the roof is empty.

The lights of the skyscrapers twinkle in the distance, the buzz of the traffic merely a faint drone at this height.

Making my way over to the eastern corner of the building, I park myself next to the edge...

...and wait for the sunrise.

At first, nothing happens. The dark of the night sits heavily over the island, seeming to muffle the normally inexhaustible energy of the City That Never Sleeps.

But slowly... ever so slowly, the sky begins to lighten. And the wind shifts. From the depths of the evening's humid, slightly stale breeze comes a fresh, easterly gust that carries the soft scent of the sea with it.

It whips over me, cutting through the thin material of my shirt. But I don't flinch. If anything, I lean into it, savouring the faint taste of salt on my skin.

The black of the horizon gives way to blue and then to grey as the rising sun pushes the darkness back. Spots of colour appear — gold, russet and magenta, framing the clouds like a backlight.

And as I watch, the first tendrils of brilliance start to creep over the buildings, setting the acres of glass on fire. The wind begins to warm, bringing with it the promise of tomorrow...

...until the sun finally bursts into view, scorching the Big Apple in the blaze of the new dawn.

I heave a deep breath of the crisp morning air.

This. This'd been worth staying up for.

The last vestiges of tension drain out of my shoulders as I simply stand, taking in the view...

...and realise that I can't remember the last time I stopped to just enjoy the moment. Be it a hot mug of coffee, or the breeze on my face. Let alone the silent beauty of a perfect sunrise.

I exhale heavily.

I've been so caught up planning every aspect of this trip — not to mention the details of the social season with Bast — that I haven't even had time to think about taking a break, let alone catching one.

It's probably why I—

"Couldn't sleep either?"

I scoff at the sound of the familiar — and not entirely unexpected — voice from behind me. "Nope."

"Jet lag still?" asks Chris, coming to stand next to me.

"Probably," I shrug, keeping my gaze turned towards the horizon. "You?"

He heaves a breath as he surveys the sunrise. "Bit of jet lag as well, I suppose..."

I glance over at him.

We both know that ain’t the whole truth. Just like neither of us are under any illusion that my answer hadn’t been completely honest either. But we've known each other long enough that neither of us feels the need to press the issue.

So, it goes unsaid that I'm fully aware of the fact that Chris' sleepless nights are caused by the looming spectre of the social season, which has been haunting him for the past year. And, with just one day to go, that spectre's about to transform into a living nightmare.

And there's nothing that either of us can do about it.

Because the die has been cast — by forces outside of our control — and both of us are now stuck on the proverbial highway to hell with no exit ramps in sight.

And I hate that feeling of helplessness. Not just on my part — though it grates on me no end that I can't save my brother from his predetermined fate — but on his part as well. Because even though Chris wears the mask of obligation like a second skin, he can't hide the fact that he's shitting a brick.

At least not from me.

Because despite all his years of diplomacy training, we've played enough poker together for me to know that behind that stoic façade, he's terrified. Terrified of the weight of his inherited duty, terrified of falling short of expectations, terrified of ending up on the same error-ridden path that his dad had trod.

But, most importantly, he's terrified of making the wrong choice. Because even though he knows each and every one of the suitors who'll be competing for his hand, that knowledge doesn't make things easier.

In fact, just the opposite.

Because regardless of what each woman brings to the table in terms of money, ability, or allegiances — a dizzying and convoluted cost-benefit calculation at the best of times — the fact remains that none of them are really in this competition for him. They're in it for the Crown. Which means each option's just as relative as the next. As none of the women actually care about Chris. They just want the title of Queen. Or rather, their families do. For the bragging rights.

Except maybe Livy. She's arguably the only suitor who's putting her name in the hat because she actually wants Chris for himself. And couldn't care less about the social promotion.

Too bad she's a class A bitch.

Not that any of that matters. Because the hunt for the next Queen isn't about love, or what people want, or any of the rest of that touchy-feely crap. It's about what's best for the kingdom...

...irrespective of what's best for Chris. Now, tomorrow, or twenty years down the line.

As he's just as much of a pawn — if not more so — as the women competing for his hand. And unlike Leo, he doesn't have the luxury of flipping the system the bird and calling bull on the whole fucked up exercise. Because there’s no one else to fall back on. It’s him, or nothing.

So, it's small wonder he's been burning the candle at both ends, trying to avoid being alone with the weight of his thoughts.

Hell, if I was him, I'd've disappeared down the neck of a bottle long ago.

As if reading my mind, Chris magics up a a pair of tumblers. "Here," he says, placing them down between us. "You look like you need it."

A scoff escapes me. "Didn't think they had a bar up here."

"Invitation only," he winks, unscrewing the cap of the 25-year old, single malt bottle of The Glenlivet that he's also brought with him.

"Comes well stocked, I see," I remark, watching him dole out a generous serving into each glass.

"Well, someone once told me to never cheap out on wallets, watches, or whiskey," he replies with a smirk, placing the bottle off to one side.

I shake my head with a scoff as I reach for my glass. "Yeah, 'cause the first holds your money, the second tells you the time... and the third'll help you forget about both."

"Truer words have never been spoken," grins Chris, raising his glass to clink it against mine.

"Dad knew a thing or two about life," I agree, throwing the scotch back on a suddenly constricted throat.

"He was a good man," nods Chris, taking a reciprocal sip of his drink.

"Yeah..." I say tightly, gazing out over the city without really seeing it. "He was."

Wonder what he'd think of Harper...

I give myself a mental slap. It doesn't fucking matter, you ass. That girl's history, just like Dad. No point getting hung up on—

"You know..." muses Chris, interrupting my self-flagellation. "We never got to see Times Square."

I snort caustically as I reach for the bottle again. "Because Besnard conspired with the weather to fuck us over..."

Chris quirks a brow as he holds his own glass out for a top-up. "I'm not certain it was entirely intentional..."

"You sure?" I counter with a sidelong look, refilling both tumblers. "'Cause I'd be damn hard pressed to find another dipshit on this planet who could've screwed up something so simple so spectacularly."

"Fair point," Chris concedes with a chuckle. "But, lucky for us, both Tariq and the malignant rain clouds are — rather thankfully — in the wind. So, what say we take advantage of the reprieve? Just the two of us?"

My hand stops mid-air. "You wanna sneak out? Again?"

He meets my eye with a knowing look. "May very well be our last chance before the start of the season..."

I shake my head dryly as I place the bottle back on the ledge. "Thought I was supposed to be the bad influence."

"Perhaps the student has finally surpassed the master," he replies, throwing me another wink as he raises his glass up in mock salute.

I can't help but scoff. "With that disappearing act, I'd say you've surpassed even your brother!"

"That may perhaps be a bit of a stretch," he chides. "As we cannot forget that it was my dear brother who once skipped out of a high-profile summit in Marrakech, commandeered a camel and a kaftan, and rode for six hours through the desert so he could watch the Dakar Rally."

"Yeah, that Lawrence of Arabia shit does set the bar quite high, doesn't it?"

"Leo has never been one to do things by halves..." Chris reminds me.

I heave a breath. "Don't I know it..."

Chris catches my gaze out of the corner of his eye. "Hope you weren't too harsh with him..."

I lift the tumbler to my mouth. "No comment."

"Christ! That bad, huh?"

"I may have questioned his sanity," I tell him sardonically.

"You certainly wouldn't have been the first," laughs Chris. "Father seriously considered sending him to a clinic in Switzerland when Leo told him of his plan to abdicate."

"Would've saved me a massive headache if he had..." I grumble.

"No... it was my fault," sighs Chris. "I should not have taken the device. I did promise that I would behave, and I reneged on my word."

I hold up a hand. "Hey. It's fine. I get why Leo gave it to you... and why you took it. Just... Don't get any ideas for the season. I'd prefer to keep my job... and my balls."

Chris laughs. "Duly noted. However, I would still like to take the opportunity to offset my regrettable faux pas... Perhaps with a traditional American breakfast?"

I cock a brow at him. "Do you even know what a traditional American breakfast is?"

"No," he admits. "But what better way to find out than in the company of a local?"

"Okay, fine," I concede, throwing the last of my scotch back. "But you better not skip out on me again..."

"You have my undying word," he says, laying a hand on his heart.

"Good," I say, pointing a finger at him. "'Cause this time, I'm gonna hold you to it." Softening my expression, I add, "But seriously. Glad you had a chance to escape. Christ knows you needed it."

"As do I," he says with a smile, picking up the bottle of scotch to head back across the roof. "So, thank you for pulling this getaway together. I'll treasure the memories — always."

"The trip ain't over yet, buddy," I remind him. "We still have three hours to kill before departure."

He grins back at me. "Then we best get to it, hadn't we, mate?"

The story continues in Chapter 12 - Hungover on You

A/N: As a quick bonus, here is a pic of Leo in the Moroccan desert 😇

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Sleepless in New York only

@bebepac

Picture Credits: Burger - Shirtless - Whiskey - New York

Drake, Christian and Leo were generated with the AI art app Wonder

[chaoticbuggybitchboy]

I want to know :3

:D

My favorite poem is Antigonish by Hughes Mearns! It’s featured in the Magnus Archives and it is lodged in my brain forever. I’ll probably make it its own dedicated post but it talks about a man who isn’t there, with the writer wishing that the man who isn’t there would go away. It’s a lovely little poem and especially as someone whose psychosis manifests primarily as delusions, I simply Vibe with a poem about something you know isn’t there but terrorizes you anyways.

And yeah! I have taste -> color synesthesia!! For the first 10 or so years of my life I thought you could teach colors to (color)blind people using foods. It’s kind of a weird thing to try and talk about because really the main way I know that my experience of the world is different from most people’s is that language just not built for the way I experience taste. I’ve thought of trying to do some sort of art based on my synesthesia but ive never been able to figure out exactly how since it’s really difficult for me to separate taste and the colors. I also experience ‘shrimp colors’ that don’t exist in a way humans can visually experience. Like orange and green at the same time, but not grey or speckled; the color simply does not exist.

There’s also almost no correlation between visualcolors and tastecolors. Por ejemplo, carrots (orange food) taste like a desaturated forest green. The only real trends are that the more artificial a food is, the more likely it is to match color wise; and that water will lighten and desaturate things.

Also it’s difficult for me to sort of quantify since I have no other frame of reference, but it does have a lot of effects on my life. Since color tends to overwhelm any ‘normal taste’, that’s what most of my favorite (and least favorite) foods are based on. I dislike carrots because it’s unpredictable whether they’re green or brown and I don’t like that neither of those are orange. My two favorite foods are grape koolaid (it’s so purple and I like purple; I also never water it down because then it’s Purple and I can also taste sour) and salt & vinegar chips (the vinegar covers any colors).

Water is always white or a very very light grey. This does affect what water I will drink because I avoid drinking water that’s sort of tinted warm colors. Doesn’t vibe right.

And the way I describe foods is almost always color based, since that’s the main way I experience it. This has deeply confused and mildly frustrated anyone trying to learn anything applicable to their own experience of food. I have no idea what other people taste, especially since colors tend to overshadow anything else. I’m pretty sure I experience spiciness and saltiness normally though.

And as mentioned earlier, it seriously impacts my sensory issues. Tastes are doubled (I guess?) and any after taste lingers for ages. If the water im drinking is significantly tinted it builds up in my mouth and is Bad (I had to pause writing this to refill my water bottle with my house filtered water instead of the water fountain from my school since that water is reddish and my water is only very faintly teal). Also since all taste is doubled-ish I am basically always aware of the fact that my mouth has a taste and a color. Which kinda sucks.

Also I think this is an adhd thing but I have a hard time describing colors unless I’m actively tasting something because I have a word based brain and the colors are something that completely upends the English language’s way of describing the senses. That’s sort of why I always describe it as being a one way link and say “taste to color synesthesia” rather than “taste color synesthesia”, because I don’t taste anything when I see colors, I just experience colors when I taste something. I think if it went both ways I would be a very different person and would likely have meltdowns much more often but that’s pure speculation.

I thiiiink that’s everything I can think of right now, but yeah! Synesthesia! I think I heard the word about four-ish years ago now and literally nothing has clicked for me faster than that did. It took me less time to start identifying with synesthesia than it did for me to identify with any lgbtq+ label. Every time I think about the fact that ‘tasting colors’ is something that people say to mean they’re loopy or high or something and not that they can literally taste colors I have to do a double take. It’s such a seemingly tiny little thing but it’s so fundamental to my experience of the world that I cannot even imagine anything different. What does koolaid taste like if not Color? I don’t know, because all I can taste is Color.

[lacewise]

I just had a bizarre experience while researching.

So, for reasons (this will make more sense later but spoilers!), I was looking up whether celebrities had ever worn needle lace in public appearances and I started with Burano and then widened to all needle lace. Nothing came up.

This is weird because I know for a fact celebrities have (especially Italian needle lace, hence starting with Burano), so it’s… just odd it’s not catalogued. (And a little annoying.)

Later, while doing something else, completely unrelated to lace, Grace Kelly’s wedding headpiece happened to catch my eye. It’s dripping (literally, in the front) in needle lace. This was bizarre so I read the caption. The caption is “antique rose point lace”. I have… rarely to never heard that term used before…?

That’s weird because… I’m a lacemaker. I make needle lace.

Maybe I’m just confused though, I am still a beginner to intermediate. So I pull out my lace books and scan the indices. No mention of rose point. I did find an article in a popular encyclopedia that made the common anglophile mistake of assuming Burano only started lace production after 1872. And precious little else explaining the origin of the term or the differentiation (can be hard to find discussion of Italian laces in English, so that’s not necessarily a red flag). So that’s not great. (To give you an idea of how mistaken it is, I read the pamphlet from the Burano Lace Museum in Italy and they, the specialists… yeah they don’t agree. And they, understandably, seem a little terse about the popularity of the error!)

I repeated the search, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Grace Kelly’s headpiece still doesn’t come up.

Given the flowery yet vague name, it kinda seems like jargon specifically to gatekeep and confuse. Especially since many needle laces are specifically documented to have “needle lace” nearby for archival purposes. This is all obviously speculation on my part and there could be a good reason for this… but it leaves a sour taste in my mouth, regardless.

Anyway if you know why this is or where I can find articles discussing celebrities wearing handmade lace or antique lace (preferably needle lace but I am getting less and less picky by the moment) please please please let me know. I don’t want to overlook anything in my research!

I am continuously collecting anecdotes like this. There will be a pile of them I won’t even be able to get to after my current research/video is finished. So I’m finding it increasingly hard to buy that handmade lace is one of the few handicrafts academics “respect”.

[landgraabbed]

some datv thoughts. mainly about the regrets of the dread wolf, and some small things. i'm still feeling quite sick so i think i'll play more today. my next main quest is the siege of weisshaupt, so i am about to finish act 1. i reckon i have roughly half of the game ahead of me, given the trophy distribution. kinda messed up! this got long and quite spoilery, so i'm sparing your dashboards

i finished the regrets of the dread wolf yesterday--i mean, you could tell that by the way i defeated the mythal dragon. i need to retract my statements when i previously said i thoroughly enjoyed this quest. the past sequences remain some of my favorite bits of storytelling in this game, but the memories of the regrets proper, i despise. quite honestly, they are to me a microcosm of this game's writing and its failure. you get a brief narration of what are quite significant events to the ancient lore of thedas. i did feel vindicated because i was correct on all counts, other than some specifics. i believed that the elves gaining corporeal forms and losing their immortality happened at once, when solas created the veil. i had assumed the elves-titans war had started because of the elves' extensive mining for lyrium/meddling with the orbs. i didn't make the connection between solas rendering the titans tranquil and the blight--i had hypothesized that the blight was a consequence of the elves removing their hearts, perhaps, to get their orbs and thus corrupting the tyrants and the lyrium flowing in their veins. perhaps based on the secret mural from trespasser with the titan. so far so good.

i despised the party round table talks after each memory. by the way, i did them all in one fell swoop given that i had managed to collect all statuettes before the meeting with the inquisitor although i was severely underleveled for it all. more on that later. it's the party talks that really left a sour taste in my mouth. they exist to spell out the quite frankly simple meanings from each regret. they exist to reinforce the idea that time and time again solas was Right. he was right about using titan flesh to gain corporeal forms. he was right that sundering the titans' dreams was a bad idea. he was right about meddling with the blight. he was Right. and he only acted against his beliefs due to his deep devotion for mythal. he did it for mythal, you see. solas is reduced to miss piggy singing 'didn't i do it for you' to mythal, and then killing her a second time post inquisition, yet another regret. except now he is retconned to do it mainly because he had to move the evanuris to another prison, not just to tear down the veil. you see, it is a secondary motivation, a bonus! he is no longer allowed to fully commit to a heinous act because he believes it is the right way to fix his wrongs, be it due to pride, regret, or narrowmindedness. which he was actually allowed to do during his rebellion and got rightfully chewed out by felassan. no, he is so devoted to mythal, he is so sad, you understand. the game repeats this after each memory with the subtlety of an acme anvil in a saturday morning cartoon. the game wants you to believe this. the game wants you to feel a type of way. so instead of relying on good writing and your intelligence to put two and two together and on your individual predisposition to decide how you feel about the events, it bludgeons you with the intended reading and emotional tone. it insults the player.

i've already said that although i find the environments gorgeous, the way you navigate and interact with them is nightmarish. the game puts dark souls fog walls at home where it doesn't want you to go. it arbitrarily seals off regions because hey, we don't want you to go here yet. you will come here later when we want you to do so which most of the time so far has been after you have gotten the exploration skills from companions that we'll use there. i wish i could explore every which way i can. if i can't solve x "puzzle" by then, that's ok. i'm a big girl, i can go ok, maybe something will happen that will change things here or i will get a new exploration avenue. i'll do it then. you know, as metroidvanias do. you can't truly explore during quests when you're introduced to a new area, so you need to go back to do it. and the puzzles are so elementary they may as well not exist. it all feels like a time sink meant to pad the game.

the combat is starting to lose its novelty, too. there is far too little enemy variety. there's different categories, such as spirits, darkspawn, humans, etc. but they aren't meaningful distinct and have many overlapping types (ranged mage with projectiles and aoe, small melee, small melee with shield, big hulking enemy) that require similar movements from the player. the dragon was a highlight though. the champions are all the same with a small twist for each one. most importantly, the best the combat has been for me was against higher level opponents. i fear what will happen once i start closing the gap between my level and the highest level opponents. i already defeated mythal's retribution which was near the level cap. i could increase enemy hp from standard, but i have noticed that higher level enemies are already quite health spongy, so.... bioware once again failed to make higher difficulties actually difficult without resorting to hp sponges.