#and a few weeks ago a friend was like
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WWGRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHH <- it wants to buy a secondhand book that is on sale, but it already has several books to-read right there in its bookshelf
#okay imma sound insane for a moment but bear with me#ive been avoiding the lord of the rings movies since i was like 14 cuz i wanted to read the books first#but then i never fucking did I KNOOOOOW OKAY every single person ive met friends professors and randoms tell me i should read the books !!!#and a few weeks ago a friend was like#if the lord of the rings books seem a big intimidating you should try reading the hobbit first its a light read and will get u in the mood#and today i was casually checking for 2nd hand books of le petit prince in french bcs thats the type of person i am#(<- collects the same book in different languages)#and suddently i saw on sale the hobbit book and im soooooo *explodes*#I NEED ITBSO BADLY BUT I HAVE MY BOOKSHELF RIGHT NEXT TO ME WITH AROUND 20 BOOKS I HAVE YET TO READ#/AND/ THREE BOOKS I STARTED AND HAVENT FINISHED YET#SOMEONE KILLLL MMEEEEEEE#''just watch the movies they are well adapted''#what if i told you i'd rather kill myself#i already hate coraline as it is YES THE MOVIE IT FUCKING SUCKS THE BOOK IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES AND THE MOVIE MESSED IT SO BAD#I COUDL WRITE A WHOLE ESSAY ON WHY IT SUCKED the animation and technique was cool i dont have a problem w that THE STORY THO- !!!!!!#anyways the thing with me is that i usually prefer reading books first and then MAYBE checking visual adaptations#cuz i like when my brain gets to imagine things i hate being given everything I WANNA MAKE A MOVIE IN MY HEAD FIRST !!!!#so yeah i will suffer for some more time until i finish reading my to-read pile of books and then i'll continue buying books#sorry for being insane tee hee#vanya strawberry flavored
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Having bpd to me is like I'm the loneliest person on the planet, no matter how many people I talk to, no matter how many connections I make or have, I'm a lonely void who will die alone. I have to be talking to someone or with someone every second of every minute of every day. I love people so much, I need people. There's so many people out there with different things to teach you. And then, if I have to talk to one person for more than 6 seconds today, I'll kill them. I'll kill myself. I need to be left alone for the rest of the day, I need no one but myself to be happy. I don't want to partake in anything with anyone because it's all draining and taking out of my alone time. Everyone is the same, they're all boring and self-absorbed. Every conversation feels like I'm forcing myself to be actively present. I just want to be alone in my room with nothing or no one. I don't see a future where I'm happy with anyone other than being by myself.
#bpd#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#actually borderline#bpd splitting#lately I've just been slowly moving away from all my friends too#haven't spoken to anyone on insta for days despite usually talking to at least 2-3 friends every few days#irl sent me a video a week ago...never responded. I haven't even been feeling lonely really#I just KNOW when my period creeps up on me I'll be a whining sad piss baby who's openly pathetic about needing human connection#like I wish I just felt no need for it ever. it feels SO good to be alone and not have any obligations as a person#then the crippling loneliness of forever being alone seeps in when tbh I'm fine with it currently actually
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too aromantic for ts
#futaba sakura#persona 5#p5r#p5#fanart#futabadoodles#i made a new friend a few weeks ago right. like online#bro confessed he had a crush on me yesterday i was like nooo 😭😭 im sorry man :c#cuz like. im aro. im. not gonna be able to reciprocate ya know 💀 tough luck i guess 🫠
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hey you! Look at him!
that's all :)
#grimble's scrimbles#flight rising#fr art#flight rising sandsurge#fr gijinka#character: sitri#I drew this a few weeks ago but kinda just forgot to post him#anyway he's an actor in Revelation Falls#close friends with Chaos and Beezulbub but is pretty friendly to like#everyone in town#charismatic prettboy basically
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Everytime my brain tells me to isolate myself i just think, “what would yomiel’s friends do to drag his ass out…”
#ghost trick#ghost trick spoilers#yomiel#inspector cabanela#fanart#my art#brain is being mean so im breaking out these doodles from a while ago#but ft tho bc i wanted to completely vanish online for a good few days/weeks but then my friends suggested we watch howls movin castle#bc ive been wantin to watch it in jp dub so like damn guess i gotta stay online now#love yall#*fr
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never being anyone’s best friend or the most important person in anyone’s life, ever, can really fuck you up emotionally
#like throughout my life i’ve had people that i’d call my best friends#but I guess I was never theirs#like they always had more important friends that would always take precedence#and then now as an adult people’s partners always take precedence#which is fair and valid#I just can’t never find that for myself and always end up as an afterthought and it really really fucks you up#hence me sobbing rn#bc a friend and I were supposed to call tonight and had scheduled it a few days ago#aaaand they just told me they can’t because they’re still on a call with their partner who’ve they’ve called basically everyday this week#oh and this friend won’t be able to call anyone all summer so I just can’t talk to them on the phone again until fall#and yeah i’m sobbing rn#rants and rambles#friends#long distance friendship#lonliness#friendship#no friends#friend jealousy#never had a best friend#friendless#how to keep friends#i dont know how to make friends#friend yearning
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fanart for This Is Not The End by @kings-highway
potentially my favourite fic ever!! <3
#my art#uh i am so sorry but i'm gonna tag you in a few more posts also because#i keep getting inspired to draw stuff by your writings#this took SO long but i finished it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at last!!!!!!!!!!!!#those fence posts are my mortal enemies but at least they're done now#really glad i actually stuck with this#i started it three weeks ago!!#hm anyway i'm really really in love with this fic like seriously - if it was a published book i would buy it so so fast#everytime a new chapter drops i just go !!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then message my friend to yell about it <3#haikyuu#haikyuu fanart#haikyu!!#haikyu!! fanart#this is not the end#right so; in order:#azumane asahi#iwaizumi hajime#oikawa tooru#tsukishima kei#yamaguchi tadashi#kageyama tobio#hinata shoyo#sawamura daichi#sugawara koushi#kuroo tetsurou#takeda ittetsu#ukai keishin#ushijima wakatoshi#i put too many tags before and it deleted them nooooo i forgot what i said- oh! it was about starting this when only 3 chapters were out#and now there's so many characters which i haven't drawn here but i want to draw at some point so probably will okay loveyou bye <3
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we sang in the aeroplane over the sea tgth ☆
#27% circle line with a lovely friend of mine rail tracks screeching etc etc u know the usual. im just gonna write down memories#a few weeks ago my friend read thus spoke zarathustra by the fire to the music she was dancing it was her silhouette#against the flashlight lit up gold and royal blues and tiger's silk i tried not to fall in love with her. in bordeaux we searched#for pomegranates he sent her 300 quid by the beach she cut it open with a knife her hand covered in red we each had a taste of her work#sweet red wet the sweetest grit. too barely clothed to go into the cliffside church they painted my eyes we painted hers#8 shots of gin she screamed joyfully IT'S ALIVE! at the book she said become the child i said i feel like a monster she said i was insane#i tried to believe her. fortified wine and later a red pen crossword defiled by humidity her hair in my hands two king sized beds#pushed next to each other she took her top off she told us to watch her arms raised up the musculature on her back was precise cut from#marble we saw oceans we saw the birds take cold baths the midnight sun over a wasp-infested pool our chemicals in their bodies#gold flakes dark skin gold cross shoulders against mine drawing some form of each other on the train i didn't hesitate#to say her eyes were beautiful over and over monks at the soapshop with titanium credit cards i loved you like i loved no other#he tied his hair up and walked us into the river he held a bullet between his lips i never held his hand he said what an honour#you own too much capital your mother thinks i'm a natural i realised i haven't told my mother i loved her in years she's always been mother#never mom i'll watch you watch seaweeds this is terminal akrasia i'll feel your fingers smear perfume on my lips your girlfriend grins#bite into the straw take the shot hold my hand get it all wrong draw in the sand kiss him right stab through leather shower in chlorine#you're the determinable vicissitude is all yours we won the Game AND the Battle AND the War i'm proud of you like crazy we feed each other#saffron cliffside lovers well-fallen brothers fat cats blue windows southwest sun ALife SynBio design aXAA grow us a city in silico#we've grown to the ends of glee fire-jumper ocean-eater sure-footed lists on lists hands on eyelids не устану искать тебя#...anyway ive put my face on this blog b4 but hiii again#feel free to rb btw the rants r not personal
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I don't usually do this type of thing but ukw lets be sappy. Happy 2025! 2024 was a mess but after having years of my life swallowed up by depression, anxiety and shame, I finally feel like I've turned a corner. Last year at this time I had been unemployed for two years, a few months out of an intensive outpatient program, trying to find hope through ovr and relapsing back into self harm for the first time in years. I was dreading my 26th birthday because therapy and medication were the only things keeping me going. In February, I was connected with a remote job through ovr that I fell in love with. It isn't perfect and I still have a lot to work through, but for the first time in my life I have a job that values me and makes me feel like I'm moving forward and not just treading water. I'm in a position where I feel like I can give people relief and make them feel valued. I fell in love with press on nails and funky earrings and matcha. I got 10 piercings this year with plans for a lot more. I got two more rats. I fell back in love with reading. I went to pride for the second time and the renn faire twice and a cryptid festival and made candles with my best friend in the whole world. I was able to give my family a huge pile of gifts for Christmas. I'm finally developing my own style and I got more compliments on my outfits this year than in my whole life. It's not perfect. I've also self harmed more in this past year than ever. I'm still not where I want to be in life. I'm still dealing with shame and anxiety and depression. I've been so burnt out from taking commissions while I was unemployed that I've barely drawn this year. But there's time & there's finally hope. Thank you for reading & enduring my disappearances. Thank you for all of the support and love and patience. Here's to laughing until you cry in 2025!
#reposting this from insta#when i was making candles w/ my friend a few weeks ago i looked at myself in the bathroom mirror#and i was like holy shit... i'm finally the person i've always admired from afar style-wise#i don't have a ton of disposable income but after years working part time jobs that pay dirt#i have the confidence to actually express myself through my appearance#in that one day i had people complimenting my jewelry outfit nails and piercings#it felt really good. like i was actually my own person and that i was being seen#after spending my whole life feeling invisible and pointless#i've been reaching out a bit more after spending years isolating myself bc ive been embarrassed abt how 'behind' i've been#it's still a work in progress but it's real genuine progress#idk idk idk it's so sappy anyway it's 2025 anyone wanna admit they're in love with me
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( random conversation I thought of, not sure if it's something that I would consider canon. Might be ooc for characters)
Blue: Aaaaand that's everything that happened today! Which.... isn't a lot but whatever.
Red: ....
Blue: .....( Leans back) Sooooooooo. How's things for you? You haven't, ah, really said much since you came back down Mt. Silver...( Tries to perk up a bit,forcing a smile) You're usually such a chatter box, you know?! Gotta be something interesting for ya today, right?
Red: .....
Blue: ........( Grimaces slightly, still trying to keep smiling. His voices lowers, as if the whole world would hear if he goes any louder) Come on Red, you- throw me a bone here, something-
Red: ( his eyebrows furrow slightly) .....
Blue: ( immediately back pedals) O-only if you wanna, I don't - you don't - ( he sighs, exasperated) Green? H-have you at least talked to Green?
Red: ( he flinches at that. The punch to his face still fresh in his mind. It was a year ago. And even so-) .....
Blue: ( he should back off. He really should-) Your mom? Have you at least talked to your mom?
Red: ( that causes him to outright glare at his....friend? Rival? Babysitter? What are they now? He doesn't know. But he doesn't like this conversation.) . . . .
Blue: R-right! Right, of course you- ( he takes in a breath. Why does he feel so sweaty.) Sorry. Sorry, that was just- Let's just forget I said anything, yeah?
Red: ( his glare softens, looking at his....whatever they are to each other, with concern. He doesn't know if he'll get used to Blue Oak apologizing for anything ever. He raises his hand to sign-)
Blue: ( he raises his hand before Red does, eyes pleading) Let's just forget I said anything, okay? ( Please )
Red: ..... ( He lowers his hand. He hates the look blue is giving him. He blames himself for it, as always) ( Okay )
#so. okay.#the idea is that this is red post mt. silver. maybe like. a few weeks in?#red is struggling to readjust and blue is being. very cautious about his friend. perhaps too much#blue wants to help but doesn't know how. doesn't want to overstep. doesn't want red to run away again bc he scared him off#red doesn't know what he's doing. he's scared. he doesn't know what to think of others. green punched him a year ago#and Blue is acting weird ever since he got back down#he doesn't even know if they're rivals anymore. if they're still friends#( blue n green both have visited red on the mountain for a year before he finally came down )#( of course they're still friends. they want to be friends again. but red latches onto their rage and hurt and uses it against himself)#Red and Blue even back in their old rivarly prided themselves in being able to understand each other#no word necessary. that just got each other.#but now thar connection seems to be....lost?#they don't know how to talk to each other. too scared to do so.#so there's cases like these where Blue is trying to push but not wanting to ruin things ( more than he already has)#and Red who is beyond scared to really. have these conversations even if he hates seeing Blue like this. with him specifically.#and they both just agree to. not talk about it. ignore the pushing. for now anyway#again i'm not entirely sure if this is the direction I want for these two post mt. silver#but this conversation came to me so ( shrugs)#r rambles#legendverse#reguri#trainer red#trainer blue#rival blue#tldr of all those tags: red and blue are teens who don't exactly know how to communicate and navigate their feelings just yet
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max kicking people & things since he can't kick the fia
#my friend sent me this a few weeks ago#and it seems very timely to use this now#i'd really like to kick every person in the FIA in the balls ✨️#credits and a kiss to whoever put all this together in just one video#max verstappen#mv1#mv33#f1#formula 1#singapore gp#singapore 2024
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seeing the kid of a childhood friend now start to look exactly like that childhood friend the way you remember them is insane
#like girlll we used to use a slingshot to throw rocks at people from ur treehouse when u looked like that… now ur a MOMMM???#not the same person as the baby birthday party i went to a few weeks ago btw. diff childhood friend#grandpa max is god? i go to church now
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"true partner" click here for the uquiz created by @/niconicomuda on twitter
#morphomon#digimon#this was trending on twt a good few weeks ago#ofc me being me i wasn't there and only learned abt it bc a friend dm'd me about it lol#anyway i am very happy to get morphomon. though...#advanced apology for personal irl rambling that may be tmi ahead. and cw: death of family member#so like. i feel it turns out to be some life foreshadowing bc around a week later (which is last week btw) my maternal grandma passed#idk about u but if you know the symbolism of butterfly and morpho particularly. it's about change and rebirth and all that stuff#the funeral home we spent a few days in had the morpho butterfly as its logo. i couldn't stop thinking about it#so despite the sadness it's like idk. a tiny bit of hope i guess?#my grandma won't have to be in pain anymore#all the stuff is done by last saturday so everyone's back to their normal lives like it or not#still grieving a bit while at the same time being kinda ok. well it is how it is...#png#gif
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i finished this in the last 20 minutes of lesbian visibility week after not drawing at all LETS GO
#lila art#genshin#genshin impact#genshin fanart#arlecchino#arlecchino genshin#navia#navia genshin#arlevia#navicchino#i dont think thats a ship name that anyone uses but im tagging it just in case#arlecchino x navia#this took me SO FUCKING LONG you would not believe#to be fair it was because i kept getting distracted by youtube or twitter or the thoughts inside my head#but STILL#i am very proud of this though this is one of like. two kisses ive ever drawn that look Good and the other one i didn't finish lmao#i was kind of impartial to arlevia until like. Yesterday#and now they are very important to me#arlecchino has a big polycule full of all his lesbian girlfriends and one bisexual woman (clorinde)#im also lowk obsessed with drawing sideprofiles because i am fascinated with drawing different noses#and giving characters different nose and face shapes#it is so beautiful how humans are so diverse in even the shapes that our bodies make#i went on a rant with my friend about this a few weeks ago#ANYWAY i was going to say this earlier but i forgot#i am Sorry for those two panels being so rushed and bullshitted#i had been working on this for like 8 hours and i wanted to be done SO BAD#but i needed to finish before lesbian visibility week ended!!!!#ok going to farm for father before i pass out good bye
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i enjoy these guys a normal amount
#‘‘to play’’ is SO legolas#i made that meme a few weeks ago but i didn’t want to post it until it had a friend…. now it does <3#and 🌸💝𝓖𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓜𝓸𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓔𝓷𝓳𝓸𝔂 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓓𝓪𝔂 𝓖𝓸𝓭 𝓑𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼💝🌸 is so aragorn#also ignore how i reuse images i literally have like 4 pictures of these guys on my phone#tolkien#lord of the rings#lotr#gimli#gimli son of gloin#legolas#legolas greenleaf#aragorn#aragorn elessar#aragorn son of arathorn#the three hunters#coveredinsunposting
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guys I fucked up..
thought it would be cool for me n my friend to "mark eachother" w my deodorant in the park near school (I had it in my pe kit) and uhhh
mb y'all (im so cooked 💀)
#karmaajr rambles#deodorant#deodorant burn#i have another one on my right arm#it isn't that bad though#do y'all think this is bad#pls be honest#anyways don't question the arm hair 🥰🥰#IT'S IN MY GENES#anyways yeah#impulsive#damn my stupidity#i always regret this things after#y'all istg if I have to go to the hospital...#no im actually cooked tho#if that happens#expect never to hear from me again#mediblr#medical health#medical help#tumblr help#PLSSS#I REALLY NEED THIS NOT TO BE A BIG DEAL#I GOT THE IDEA FROM MY OTHER FRIEND#SHE DID IT A FEW WEEKS AGO OUT OF CURIOUSITY (and let go 6-7 seconds later) AND AFTER TOLD ME NOT TO WHEN I PONDERED ALOUD (accidnerally#) AND YE I FUCKED UP#send help#tw self harm#lowkey did it for the adrenaline yall mbbbb 😔😔😔 (it genuinley felt like how it used to feel when i cut myself and that lowkey excited me)#tw stupid bitch
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