#brain is being mean so im breaking out these doodles from a while ago

[its-coda]

Everytime my brain tells me to isolate myself i just think, “what would yomiel’s friends do to drag his ass out…”

[iovnyu]

aeipathy -- park sunghoon

PART ONE | PART TWO 

genre: ice skater! au, school boy sunghoon, fluff

warnings: cursing, tba

summary: as y/n is trying to juggle being a C student and working at a ice rink, she meets sunghoon - a figure skater with straight A’s who needs to prove his passion to his parents. they just so happened to be in each other’s lives at the right time.

a/n: hi !! this is my first one shot (?) i guess,,, so please be easy on me lol. im going to be making these in parts but i don’t know how long i want it so ig we will see!! but if u didn’t notice i am now taking requests for headcanons or oneshots so please look over the request guide here before requesting things!! also please let me know if you want to be added to a tag list for this series !!

all that was heard was the crisp ice being broke in. y/n sat behind the check-in desk, on her phone playing a food game. she knew that she didn’t have to be aware of the boy on the ice since he came almost everyday to skate. 

although y/n did not know his name, she knew that he had always came at 4:45 -- right after school. he would have his duffel bag hanging off his right shoulder with his skates in his left hand, a tired smile on his face. it was always a mutual relationship, he would smile at y/n and she would smile back. 

it did bug her at times that she didn’t know his name. in her mind she called him the ice prince -- partly because he looks like a literal prince and he seemed like a pro when he stepped foot into the ice rink.

it was nearing 7 and y/n was slowly getting bored of losing her game. she had been stuck on one certain level for the longest time and could not find a way to a customer happy. 

y/n felt a sudden spark of confidence to ask the ice prince his name as he held onto the outskirts of the rink, catching his breath. getting up, she tried her best to flatten the wrinkles on her uniform that was caused by sitting in the same position for her whole shift. 

the sudden movement of y/n’s chair scooting back alarmed him. it was clear that he has never seen her move from her spot at the desk unless it was to close the rink. quickly, he skated off the rink and hopped onto the carpeted floor. 

looking up, he saw y/n walk closer to him and felt his heart beat faster. it definitely wasn’t because he thought she was pretty or anything -- he was just nervous because she looked like she was going to kick him out. y/n saw his fast movements and quicken her pace.

“i-uhm, i never got your name?” y/n blurted out as she reached him, out of breath. at times like this, she figures out why she can’t run for shit -- if she can’t even walk at a fast pace then how in the hell can she run?

looking up, he silently let out a sigh of relief. so she wasn’t trying to kick me out. 

“sunghoon. my name is sunghoon.” 

what the fuck. y/n was stunned to say the least. he had a pretty face and a pretty name?? that is a literal gift from the gods. meanwhile she is there with a boring name. y/n. out of all the names her parents could have picked, they picked y/n. 

knocking back into reality, y/n saw sunghoon looking at her. “oh, i’m sorry. what did you say?” she said, embarrassed because he basically caught her in the act of admiring him. 

“uhm. wh-what’s your name?” sunghoon asked, tilting his head in a puppy like manor. 

ohmygodgodgodoohhhhh

“y/n. it’s-it’s on my shirt” y/n looked down and moved her hair out of the way. “see!”

sunghoon nodded. he had already knew her name but he didn’t want to sound like a creep and scare her. he had been here for a long time so, it was natural for him to memorize the employees’ names. 

y/n’s had stuck with him the most. to him, it sounded unique. it rolled off the tongue in a perfect way -- almost like it was honey. 

smiling, sunghoon pointed to the rink. “so do you come here often?” 

shit shit shit of course she comes here often dumbshit-- SHE WORKS HERE

“oh! i-i mean uhm...” sunghoon said embarrassed. “you know what? i’ll see you tomorrow. sorry.” he said while quickly grabbing his bag and zoomed to the doors. 

“okay!! have a nice night!” y/n yelled to him. 

looking down, she noticed he had left something behind. bending down, she picked up a heavy book that looked like it weighed like the declaration of independence. 

flipping it over and examining it, she discovered that it was a math book with messy writing over the front cover. “park sunghoon’s math book” the pages were scattered with random doodles and formulas that looked too long to remember.

y/n looked back up to see if sunghoon was standing outside but she was met with the sun slowly setting. oh shit i need to get home 

she ran to the changing room and quickly took off her uniform and changed into the clothes she came in with. making sure everything was in her bag, she took a quick glance around the rink and behind the desk. 

well it looks ... okay

grabbing her bag, y/n looked to sunghoon’s math book. if i have time before school tomorrow, i’ll give it to him.... he probably needs it, it is exam season anyways.

she grabbed his math book and ran to the door, locking it so no annoying teenagers break in and play in the rink. it has happened before and y/n’s boss gave her a earful the next day, she was not willing to hear him yelling at her again.

y/n sped walked to her tiny honda car that she had named roxy. roxy has been there for y/n through almost all of her high school life. y/n believed that roxy was on her last straw when she broke down a few months ago, but she had managed to still work properly. i mean, she still drove properly. it is the thought that counts right?

arriving at her house she saw her mom’s car already parked in the driveway. shit i am so dead

getting out of her car, she silently prayed that her mother had just gotten home. she walked towards the door and opened the door, “hello, my beautiful mother. how has thee day been for thee highness?” 

“it’s okay, y/n. im not gonna kill you because you came home late from work.” y/n’s mom said, laughing. 

walking into the kitchen, y/n saw her packing food for the morning. “how was work?” y/n asked, grabbing chips from the snack cabinet.

“it was okay. nothing really happened. how was the ice rink?” 

“ehh, nothing special.” y/n shrugged. “i’m gonna go do homework now, please pray for me.”

“will do, honey.” her mother laughed. 

bringing her stuff to her room, she laid the math book on her desk. assuming that sunghoon probably lived somewhere near by, she began to rack her brain for any schools near by that uses the same math book. the math book looked like it was for sophisticated students. he definitely does not go to a public school

he does wear uniform when he comes in .... fuck

there was only two private schools in y/n’s neighborhood. she decided she is going to chance it and try to wake up early tomorrow to attempt finding sunghoon. why the hell am i trying so hard to give him his book....

“it’s just a damn book. it’s not like he needs it tomorrow right? wait -- he might have a math test tomorrow.... shit.” y/n said eyeing the book.

it can’t hurt to give it to him... right?

[yoitscro]

Ramble time again, lol

My brain has felt “stuffed” for last few months and I think I’m starting to figure out why? Maybe. I mean, outside of the obvious ADHD and depression. It’s more so that it’s felt stuffed over the last two years, actually.

I had some projects that, within the last year, have fallen back from where they should/should’ve been. The next reanimate should been worked on at this point, the pesterquest dub should be half way, meenahquest had to be revamped to the point that i may limit it to either myself or a VERY small team...so on.

I’m choosing to not listen to anyone who claims it’s because the pot finally boiled over with how much I carry. Yes, I do A LOT, more than I should, but I tend to feel a bit hurt if anyone suggests that me being overwhelmed is solely on me and not, like, outside factors. It feels ignorant and slightly one-upping on me for no reason, and like, I’m not going to take that well, lol.

My run of projects was fairly well before that and it isn’t just because I finally bit off more than I could chew. It’s because 2020 set EVERYONE back. It consisted of me being an essential worker during the midst of the pandemic, on top of being one of the many black people in America that were stressing to hell and back. Also, I’d been trying to (still) get over overall trauma that’s come from having a falling out with some ex-Homestucks that decided that publicly trying to stomp out a black person in the beginning of February was some kind of heroic justice. I also still have to live with my mom...which is, alot.

It’s been a mix of things that’ve left me, more so than usual, feeling angry, fatigued, sleep deprived, anxious, depressed, and semi-suicidal (I say semi because having a fear of pain has only had me at most to think about the most painless way to go versus...doing anything. also i still have too many things i wanna do. too many people i still care about for these...rhetorical scenarios. which. still isn’t good).

I guess you could say there’s a lot more going on that maaaaybe just maybe puts projects on the back burner, reasonably so, and well, I’m never one who’s taken well to salt being put in my wounds.

(I remember someone I once considered a friend suggesting that I go to therapy, or asking if I looked into it, despite ignoring the fact that they’d been one of the people that, if not had given gossip to others*, then at least knew that I was being singled out and didn’t do anything to help or at least provide understanding. They in fact felt annoyed that it was getting worse and I was talking about it so much as a sign of help versus actually caring, or at least telling me directly that they didn’t want to hear more, which, while still callous, would’ve sucked less.

*they told me they didn’t and got offended that i even asked, overly defensive, and in the back of my mind I thought about how I was told by another party that they were specifically the one that shared stuff from a private server. though i held my tongue cus that would’ve gotten more people involved...)

(It also sucks that I literally got into HStwt, the time of bad times, the month following when my ex-best friend ghosted me and left me severely depressed in the winter of 2018, but I digress. I’ll save that for another ramble)

I think my recent head stuffiness has more so contributed to the fact that after years of connecting myself to the HS fandom, 6, and overall to fandom throughout my life, I’ve finally found the confidence and skills to want to make something original. Not only that, but to do some other things, such as having time practice in other art medias, overall doing art studies with a pencil, etc. Even doing things outside of my creative outputs, like exercising, or watching an anime or playing a game I wasn’t able to get into two years ago because I was worried about a zine schedule when I wasn’t working or at minimum doing doodles on the side.

Work still doesn’t help. This year I clocked in at 100 hours in two weeks once. It was dreadful.

I also got deep into a new fandom which...hasn’t actually happened SINCE Homestuck. But funny timing, lol.

I guess where I can say that I am now is...hm.

I’m still trying to figure things out. I have projects to finish, and I still have HS ones I wanna do...but I potentially need to diminish the list so I’m not long terming this stuff. I have some big ones I wanna do, and at least one more SAHCon year, two if I feel like having a 5 year con. 

I also wanna try to work or either very small teams, or just not work with anyone for project stuff. I love working in collabs and the mutual benefits, but it can be stressful on relying for certain things, and, I’ve been accused of using people  for clout or so one too many times for my liking.

I have to look at these original ideas I wanna try, some of which like I said requires me to practice certain things that project fatigue won’t allow.

And then, two glaring things to keep in mind:

I’d like to go to college at some point, community, potentially next fall? It gives me time to get some of these hefty things out of the way before I start struggling with math, lol.

Secondly, I really wanna quit my job. I’ve only been dealing with it for 3+ years because it’s not minimum wage nor is it food services -- I can work on my projects on the go. I’m making this journal during my Sunday shift right now!

But it’s gotten suckier with new management, and I’ve never worked with benefits. I think my goal is to just work as long(er) as I can to earn a certain amount of money, and then some time before going to school in fall, I’d take some months of a break. Not only to work creatively in piece with no extra stress, but to get some of these projects done before I scoot my boot.

Honestly, the idea of having a free Saturday again and doing art next to a window sill while listening to youtube commentary seduces me. And if I were to chop down my work load, I’d feel even happier.

Anyways, I guess this was just another vent. I haven’t been able to get any creative work done today bc these thoughts were spinning around in my brain, but I had to write them down so I could also organize what I should do first. 

Apologies to that one anon long ago that got sad that Im not longer silly or whatever <:””((((((