#and a bit to chaotic i guess

[proth-blog]

Idk some cos doodles....i cant draw strahdanya ;-; plus ft chuckles i guess

I like when lizardmen lizards

[sherrymagic]

Aou Thanaboon and Boom Tharatorn WE ARE | EP. 9 — behind the scenes

[humming-fly]

Happy to report I have finally started listening to Malevolent and to no one's surprise I am already obsessed (I'm almost done with s2 atm please don't send me spoilers yet sdlkfj)

I'll skip over my usual formality of having one normal art post before diving into shitposts let's not waste anyone's time here

[sorrelpaws]

rick at various ages

[romanticize-until-you-drop]

2024-03-07

There’s really nothing like being a science student: that feeling of both drowning in work and stress but also somehow enjoying it at the same time.

[makishimu]

Aventurine is so entertaining to write, it's awesome.

[ryomaandgundhamkin]

11/18/24 TW/CW: vent (sort of), mentions of blood, vomit (slightly), mentions of yelling, trauma, blood, et cetera. Thank you.

“My brain works in a weird way. It’s sort of like how celebrities or others online only show their best side. They only reveal the highlights of their life and positive moments, and the audience may look up to them or feel… insignificant, in comparison. After a bit, in my case, my mask can wear down. I play this positive character in this show, and my depressed states are merely my expressions when I am off-stage. And so, I want to find a way to cope with all my stress, my trauma. And until I do, it is broken. I cannot wear it again, or lies will show. I can’t play out-of-character in a live show; the live show being, well, my life. No- I need to find a way to cope. If I don’t, I’ll never forgive. I’ll never forget. I’ll never get over it. All I have sinned for. But. I am scared. What methods do I have where my writing keeps safe? What platform is not going to be tracked by my guardians? No matter where I go, they are there. They are watching. I can’t feel safe online if they are there. I can’t express my true potential if my mom will eventually find my account and brag to her friends over how great I am. Over how… talented I am.”

“I’m crying too much. Emotions flood me as if dams are broken. The water, a growing flood, overcomes my emotions and my rationality. I do not panic, but I am scared. But I must hide my sobs before my father finds me and mentally beats me up about it. ‘It won’t do any good for you’; I can’t help it. If you keep yelling at me, what am I supposed to do? For I have not matured to your liking. I only exceed your standards, and my mother’s standards, in art. Something they seem to never get over. I start overthinking things. I grow anxiety. My head starts to throb and my hands begin to tremble so much. I feel so sick, I might throw up. The idea of multiple tests this week doesn’t help. I sit in the bathroom, silent. If I am caught, I am beat. I am lectured. They will ask me: ‘whats the matter? Why are you so sick?’, as if they are clueless that they are the main cause. I grow weak at the thought of the future, the past, and the present. ‘This could have been worse’; I comfort myself. This isn’t the worst, but it’s not the best. Tears slowly roll down my face at the memory of all the people I have lost. I’m sorry. Everything I’ve done. Every sin I’ve committed to have gotten where I am today. I’m so sorry, everyone. I deserve this. Don’t I? My lack of rationality grows my thoughts to believe in your lies. Am I just in denial? At this point, I’m stuck in here for 3 hours. I’m too scared to leave, but too scared to stay. I close my eyes and hope everything will go away. I hope everything is merely just a dream, I just need to wake up. Wake up, or you will die. Fuck. Why me? I sob silently, watching my volume as I can lightly hear the footsteps of my family emerge from the hallway. I feel so sick.”

“After another hour or so, I leave carefully. It’s midnight. They are all asleep at this point, and I am spared for another day. I immediately retreat to my room in a silent run, which slightly makes the nauseated feeling return. My pace slows as I walk to my bed, flopping down. My hand immediately reaches for my phone, an instinct. I feel something dripping from my mouth, and I carefully run my hand over it. Blood. Or so, I suppose it is. It tastes like it at least, but it’s too dark to tell. I ignore that and change my glance to my phone, going to Tumblr. My hands still tremble and my eyes are dry. The nauseated feeling slips in and out: irritating yet worrying. I scroll, looking at more art. I force a light smile to myself, and my jaw aches. It leaves after a few seconds. ‘Is this my last resort?’; Do I have to do this? This will only cause me more overwork, stress and anxiety. I exit the reblog. I am sorry, but my body still aches with the need for drawing more, making up perfect animation and drawing ideas in my head. This needs to stop. No. Please. This can’t be it. I can’t draw anymore, but my body refuses. My mind races with the thought of all my requests I have not finished, silently apologizing to the users.”

“…I can’t do this anymore.”

“I need to stop. I need to take a break. I can’t continue this continuous cycle of self-torment. If I do, I’ll become depressed. If I do, I’ll distance myself further from my friends.”

-

Thank you all. I appreciate your support and words of encouragement, and I know this may be a bit excessive, but I felt like releasing my emotions into a piece of text, even at the risk my mom may see this. I apologize if I have not finished your art requests. I am not taking a break, and I will continue making art (I’m sure you little shits are gonna be happy about that, huh, you guys who only care about my art). But I will not be as active, for school is still occurring. I have a break for a week next week, so I’ll try and make more art then. I just want you all to be happy, I’m sorry. I know this is a bit of a 180 from how I was earlier, but I gotta cope. My parents are arguing again (fml). XOXO.

[peridots-pixiwolf]

mildly, just ever so slightly, belated art fight attacks of the season!! feat. @skyistheground @smangethe @hrokkall @onlineviolence aaand @sophisticated-apple :]

[orangedogsquad]

Walk at the nature reserve this afternoon. Spur of the moment decided to take four instead of three and it turned out to be a great time!

[algrenion]

me: im depressed and i have art block for drawing i guess i will try to write instead

the writing: bro this is just your own severe traumas portrayed through fictional characters you relate to & love at a distance

me:

[windydrawallday]

"I need a change and I need it fast / I know that any day could be the last... "

[olive-nothere]

Signing Carlos instead of signing another Williams Academy driver is definitely a choice… also lowkey wonder how Alex and Carlos will do as teammates lmao

[i-tzi]

POKEDDEXY DAY 1: BUG TYPE (#988)

Another year, another Pokeddexy!! 🎉

I honestly don't know how much I'll be able to combine because objectively January is kind of a shitty month for me lol

But WHO CARES, enjoy my boys, see you again at the end of the challenge if I'm still alive lol o|-<

[ecosyncrasy]

100 days of productivity

3/100 ( Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage - Anaïs Nin )

today was a MUCH better start. already knocked out a big item on my to do list before i say down to write today. i also want to take time to mention that my SKIN looks so much better now that I'm making myself go to bed at a decent time. taking vitamins. etc. doing things to actually take care of myself instead of rotting. which, was the whole point of this blog from the start.

i'm taking small steps forward, and the universe is taking notice. it's this real feeling of building momentum. i'm starting to move after stagnating for far too long and the loving universe is gently keeping me in motion. ( after punishing me for years to get. me. moving. ahaha. i know i was probably frustrating with how many tower moments i needed. ) it's nice to get some feel-good, tangible feedback that i'm starting to head in the right direction.

today's goals:

wash dishes (done!! i let it go on for FAR too long. )

work 12-4 (short shift!)

finish section two

do practice problems

[tomatoluvr69]

What’s up tumblr hope you had a super fun leap day. sparkle on. big news my first seed start sprouted while I was at work ✨

[raccoonfagdyke]

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