#and THIS is where my monkey brain goes

[plum-pitt]

i’m in chicago, so tell me why i gotta have this ninja turtle fight scene ahh rooftop right outside my window

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

so i was rewatching the coachella standing next to me performance this afternoon and it made me wonder when/if alex knew what he was going to do. like was it something he 'd planned or thought about in some way before the show? did he already know what he was going to do when he was introducing miles and hyping him up right at the start of the song? was his heart thumping in anticipation as they got closer and closer to the final verse? or was it totally heat of the moment, everything spilling over and taking both of them by surprise?

some gifs of the performance for contemplation:

1) alex’s expression just before they start playing the song. is this just i’m-standing-on-a-very-big-stage-and-i’m-actually-just-a-tiny-introvert nerves or i’m-planning-to-snog-my-very-sexy-co-frontman-in-a-few-moments nerves???

2) the moment just before he goes in for the kill

3) The Kiss™️

3) alex covering his mouth with his hand afterwards (shock? the giggles? both?)

and then these two which are probably less about whether or not alex planned it, but they're very cute and telling so i had to include them:

4) miles taking alex's hand as they go offstage afterwards

5) their FACES when they go offstage (miles is literally doing that classic body language thing from romantic movies where someone touches their mouth to show they're thinking about a kiss 😭)

[milkflavouredpoptart]

being fixated on a show or piece of media is crazy because what do you mean I want to do something but I can't because if I don't devote all of my free time to this one fandom then I'll violently combust?

[nolan-chance]

Diamondchance mighty need I need aaaaaaaaaaaa

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

i do not know bugs but I DO KNOW SPIDERS!! i think u would b a common rose hair tarantula. calm little guys. v nice and v pretty. womderful spiders <3 OH OR A PEACOCK SPIDER THEY R COLOURFUL AND SO SO SO SO CUTE AND TINY

WAAAH !!!!!!!!! oh i am honored.... i do not know much abt spiders (<< is a little bit scared of them) SO THIS WAS LIKE. FEELS SPECIAL . THANK U <3

[reachartwork]

PLEASE JUST LET ME EXPLAIN REDUX

AI {STILL} ISN'T AN AUTOMATIC COLLAGE MACHINE

I'm not judging anyone for thinking so. The reality is difficult to explain and requires a cursory understanding of complex mathematical concepts - but there's still no plagiarism involved. Find the original thread on twitter here; https://x.com/reachartwork/status/1809333885056217532

A longpost!

This is a reimagining of the legendary "Please Just Let Me Explain Pt 1" - much like Marvel, I can do nothing but regurgitate my own ideas.

You can read that thread, which covers slightly different ground and is much wordier, here; https://x.com/reachartwork/status/1564878372185989120

This longpost will; Give you an approximately ELI13 level understanding of how it works Provide mostly appropriate side reading for people who want to learn Look like a corporate presentation

This longpost won't; Debate the ethics of image scraping Valorize NFTs or Cryptocurrency, which are the devil Suck your dick

WHERE DID THIS ALL COME FROM?

The very short, very pithy version of *modern multimodal AI* (that means AI that can turn text into images - multimodal means basically "it can operate on more than one -type- of information") is that we ran an image captioner in reverse.

The process of creating a "model" (the term for the AI's ""brain"", the mathematical representation where the information lives, it's not sentient though!) is necessarily destructive - information about original pictures is not preserved through the training process.

The following is a more in-depth explanation of how exactly the training process works. The entire thing operates off of turning all the images put in it into mush! There's nothing left for it to "memorize". Even if you started with the exact same noise pattern you'd get different results.

SO IF IT'S NOT MEMORIZING, WHAT IS IT DOING?

Great question! It's constructing something called "latent space", which is an internal representation of every concept you can think of and many you can't, and how they all connect to each other both conceptually and visually.

CAN'T IT ONLY MAKE THINGS IT'S SEEN?

Actually, only being able to make things it's seen is sign of a really bad AI! The desired end-goal is a model capable of producing "novel information" (novel meaning "new").

Let's talk about monkey butts and cigarettes again.

BUT I SAW IT DUPLICATE THE MONA LISA!

This is called overfitting, and like I said in the last slide, this is a sign of a bad, poorly trained AI, or one with *too little* data. You especially don't want overfitting in a production model!

To quote myself - "basically there are so so so many versions of the mona lisa/starry night/girl with the pearl earring in the dataset that they didn't deduplicate (intentionally or not) that it goes "too far" in that direction when you try to "drive there" in the latent vector and gets stranded."

Anyway, like I said, this is not a technical overview but a primer for people who are concerned about the AI "cutting and pasting bits of other people's artworks". All the information about how it trains is public knowledge, and it definitely Doesn't Do That.

There are probably some minor inaccuracies and oversimplifications in this thread for the purpose of explaining to people with no background in math, coding, or machine learning. But, generally, I've tried to keep it digestible. I'm now going to eat lunch.

Post Script: This is not a discussion about capitalists using AI to steal your job. You won't find me disagreeing that doing so is evil and to be avoided. I think corporate HQs worldwide should spontaneously be filled with dangerous animals.

Cheers!

[fanfic-writer-and-rambler]

The Wayne boys most days without sleep before they finally crashed (two manage to beat out Batman)

Tim Drake - 12 days

Tim fidgets with his hands while staring at a wall.

Tim: All around the mulberry the monkey chased the weasel da da da da-

An alarm goes off a second later.

Tim: POP GOES THE WEASEL!

Kara, Kon and Bernard look on concerned.

Kara: Hey, Tim how long you been awake?

Tim, rocking back and forth: 288 hours.

Kara: 200 and what?

Kon: You've been awake for 12 days?!

Bernard: Again Tim?

Kara & Kon: Again?!

Bernard: I've seen it before.

Tim: Seen it before and I can go longer. The first record holder stayed up for 12 days. I can go longer. I can go longer. I can. Batman can't even do that!

Tim cackles rocking back and forth.

Tim: Coffee helps especially when you replace it with all other liquids.

Tim grabs a large cup of coffee as his hands shake vigorously.

Bernard, rubs his boyfriend's back.

Bernard: Timmy, let's take you home okay?

Tim: Home, no home. I fall sleep. Sleep for the weak... Did you know if you look at the walls long enough, new people appear.

Tim waves, laughing nervously then tenses horrified.

Tim: Their face is contorting again!

Bernard: Let's take you away from the scary... Invisible person and get you home to rest.

Bernard takes Tim's hand and takes him out of the Dunkin donuts.

Kara: I could not handle dating a batkid.

Kon nods.

Kon: I dated him for a while, I agree.

...

Dick Grayson - 18 days and 15 minutes

Kori and Beast Boy walk into the titans living room. Raven is meditating.

Kori: Where's Dick at?

Raven: Outside counting blades of grass.

Kori: Counting blades of grass?

Beast boy: Oh Jesus, has he been staying awake for days at a time again?

Raven nods with her eyes closed.

Raven: He'll crash at any second, but he thought being outside with the sun would 'revitalize' him.

Beast Boy: That's not- I'll be back.

Beast Boy goes outside where Grayson is actually counting blades of grass. BB walks over to him. He taps his foot. Grayson looks up, his eyes widen and one twitching.

Dick: Hey- Hey- Hey buddy. Did you know we have one hundred thousand blades of grass. I- Did you change colors?

BB: What color do you think I am?

Grayson squits his eyes.

Dick: Blue.

BB: All right we're on that color, how long you been awake for buddy?

Dick: I stopped sleeping last Wednesday... Then a week passed... Then another, that was 14, now it's Saturday of the second week.

Beast Boy arms crossed, sighs and walks off to re-enter the tower.

BB: 18 days this time.

Beast Boy walks away as Kori is shocked.

Raven: He's surpassing the world record holder. Also his brain might be dying.

Kori: Might be?!

Raven: He's a batkids, their brains are made of steel or something.

Kori: I have one trick that usually knocks him out-

Raven: I know it's sex.

Kori, giggles: Yes, but he falls asleep on top of me every time.

Raven sighs shaking her head while Beast Boy leaves the house with a water bottle.

Beast Boy: Right, I'm going to give him this sleep juice Alfred sent us. He says it knocks them out in a few seconds.

Raven: Smart choice.

Beast Boy: Thanks.

...

Jason Todd - 4 days

Jason: I can't sleep.

Roy: How long have you been awake?

Jason: About four days. Man I tried to go to sleep, but my body physically won't let me sleep!

Roy: Well you have been drinking Red Bulls every other hour. You're too focused on the mission. Just go to sleep.

Jason shakes his head while rocking back and forth.

Jason: Can't sleep... Won't sleep... No sleep.

Roy thinks about a way to get him to sleep then smiles.

Roy: You know you're becoming just like your dad. That's good, he can go six days without sleep, maybe you'll-

Jason stands up and goes to another room, closes his door and falls into his bed to sleep.

Roy: Works every time.

...

Damian - 1 day

Damian: I don't want to go to sleep! No!

Datmien kicks his feet as Bruce drags him to bed.

Bruce: Nope, you stayed awake for 24 hours. That's it. Go to bed!

Damian: You're so unfair!

Bruce: You're not depriving yourself of valuable sleep- Alfred shut up!

Alfred, who is reading a book about sleep disorders, smirks and then walks away.

[nighty-night-nh]

Besties I think im about to make an entire tmnt 2012 universe rewrite and I apologize if I start acting insane over it hehe 🤪

[ninthcircleofprythian]

GOLD STAR FOR YOU

Acotar Crack Headcanons

In which Reader introduces gold star stickers in the bedroom. Reader x everybody. Poly type deal. And it is most definitely a competition. There are sticker charts. Gold prize - for the male with the most stickers? A week alone with reader. No interruptions. No sharing.

(This crack list is brought you especially by the shared brain rot with @chairofchaos . Please enjoy our devolution into smut headcanons that tonight has brought us.)

Azriel:

Confused at first

When he realizes he’d be SO into the competition element

So competitive

“How many does this get me” as he’s just pounding

“And this?”

It devolves because you stop being able to give him stickers

“What about this, baby? What if you can’t walk tomorrow? How many stickers do I get then?”

You can’t do a damn thing about it as the sticker sheets fall from your hand

But when you’re done

The two of you curled up together

You take the whole sheet and start giving him stickers, one by one

He’s smirking as you line them up in rows along his chest and arms

Then you finally put one on his nose, grinning as you recall the feeling of his head between your legs

“It was that good, huh? Maybe we’d better try to one up ourselves. See how many stickers I earn from you then.”

Helion:

Catches on quickly

He goes out that day to buy his own sticker sheets

Likes to give them to you too

Gives himself gold stars for how often he can make you moan

“Yep… that’s another one FOR ME”

Gives zero fucks about the overall competition

He just likes being in competition with himself

Puts the stickers on his nipples like pasties with a shit eating grin

Eris:

You reach back to place a sticker on his thigh

He stills immediately

When you explain it, he’s so hurt about being interrupted

“What the fuck? What is this childish game?”

“Do not place your shiny sticker on me, woman.”

“I am doing sexy things here – leave me be”

He peels it off his thigh, sticks it on the small of your back and keeps going

He still kisses the star when he’s done

“So the stickers are a no?”

He’d sigh and kiss your forehead

“Just tell me first next time. I don’t like surprises.”

Cassian:

Has monkey brain - is super into it

“STICKERS? SAY LESS”

Adds his own prizes to the mix

Is competitive but really just cares about making you feel GOOD

The stickers and prizes are just a bonus.

Walks around shirtless just to show off his stickers

“These are my rewards! Don't you like them?”

He has a sticker chart on the back of the bathroom door where he collects his stickers at the end of each day.

Eventually he just starts sticking them to random things around the house - mirrors, his daggers, the kitchen cabinets.

Lucien:

You give him a sticker on the forehead during oral

his little mechanical eye like gleams at you as he SMIRKS

he’s like 'hmm what's this?"

He takes one off the sheet and does his little smirk and the star just GLOWS

he sticks it on you down there

because he LOVES TO EAT

gives a little predatory grin as he crawls over you to move to the next thing

Tamlin:

Gets distracted by you placing the sticker on his shoulder

Pauses mid thrust

“No no dont stop”

“What… what is that?”

“It’s a sticker. You’re doing a good job. Keep going”

“... what?”

He’s so confused

He doesn’t keep moving

You take the sticker back - “You stopped moving. You stop. You lose the sticker.”

He does NOT like the stickers

“Please put them away.”

He’s very butthurt over losing his only sticker

Immediately flaccid

Rhys:

Isn’t a part of the competition

That male is interested in Feyre and Feyre ONLY

Hears about the competition from Azriel

Immediately goes to Feyre

“We need to buy gold star stickers.”

“Why?”

“Trust me, Darling. Gold. Stickers.”

Your next visit to the river house becomes an adventure of finding all the places where the two of them left stickers while Rhys grins and Feyre rolls her eyes with a laugh

Your favorite find is under the tablecloth, where it’s next to a golden paint smear

“We recreated our mating night for the anniversary,” Rhys whispers to Cassian conspiratorially

He’s intentionally loud enough for all of you to hear

He doesn’t really understand the rules 

He just likes the idea of putting the stickers everywhere him and Feyre fucked so he can show off.

[amarauder]

peter johnson and the flying wine bottles ♆ percy jackson x reader

PAIRING; Percy Jackson x Neighbor! Reader

REQUEST; N/A

GODLY PARENT: Demeter

DATE; May 1st, 2024

WORD COUNT; 2440

WARNING; Illegal activities, aka buying alcohol illegally

A/N: IM BACK MOTHERFUCKERS. tehehe I know its been years oops. Not my best work but its here and thats all that matters to me at this point.

TRAILER; In which Percy Jackson meets his neighbor by accidentally almost killing himself and her multiple times.

REQUESTED BY: N/A

--

Percy locks up his flat, double then triple checks everything is secure. He knows it’s a little over the top to be this careful with his security system, especially since his apartment complex is in the heart of New Rome. But after everything he has been through it gives him a little peace of mind knowing he is coming back to a hopefully monster-free apartment.

Things have been weird for Percy since Annabeth left. He hasn’t exactly hit the devastated stage that everyone, including him thought would be his reaction. Instead, it’s been like he has been going through the motions. Nothing has been that bad or great, just kind of there.

Piper has concluded that he is in shock. He suspects that she’s right. It’s almost like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like Annabeth’s on a quest and he hasn’t heard from her for a few weeks and he’s a bit concerned for her well-being. But it’s been a little over two months now and Percy hasn’t felt any different.

 The only difference that Percy has felt is annoyance towards Piper. She won’t stop badgering him about meeting this girl. It’s constant, nonstop talking about how they would be perfect for each other and how Percy just needs to get back out there.

The only thing Percy needs is a break. A break from all the sympathetic stares, the hopeful girls, and gods forbid Piper. He knows that she has his best interest at heart. He appreciates it, he really does. It makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside whenever his friends want to do something nice for him, but this just isn’t what Percy needs or wants right now.

What Percy needs is some time with his friends and maybe some free food which is exactly why he is heading over to Leo’s for a BBQ with the gang.

Stuffing his keys into his pocket, he heads over to the elevator then promptly almost dies tripping over air. It’s then that Percy realizes that he actually hadn’t fallen over air, he tripped over what looked like either a really long root or a vine? What the Hades? How did that get there?

He goes to pick it up when he realizes there’s a girl standing there waiting for the elevator. She’s holding a wine bottle, and what looks like the biggest plant Percy has ever seen. It would explain where the weird vine-root thing came from.

“Hey,” he starts, only to be interrupted by a scream and a face full of soil.

“Oh my God!” Screeches the plant. It takes Percy a second to realize that it is in fact the girl screaming and not the plant. To be fair, Percy has seen too many outer-worldly oddities in his life, he wouldn’t be surprised if it was the plant talking. “I am so sorry!”

Percy laughs and rubs dirt off his face, “Don’t be. I shouldn’t have scared you.” When he finally gets all the dirt off, Percy realizes she put the plant down. She’s pretty. Like really pretty actually. It takes Percy’s brain a second to catch up to all this new information.

She waves his apology away, “I scare way too easily. You should see me during October.”

“Halloween can get pretty spooky around here.” She tilts her head to the side in a way that remind him of a cute puppy. “Cause all the ghosts, ya know?”

Her eyes widen, “There are ghosts here?”

“Yeah, you haven’t seen them?” She shakes her head, “There’s one named Vector. He’s my favorite.”

“Why am I even surprised? My Mom is a Greek god. Of course there would be ghosts! What’s next? Flying monkeys?”

Percy’s lips quirked, “Don’t give them that idea.”

She laughed and Percy’s chest tightened. “What’s your name?”

“Percy. Yours?”

“Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before. Did you move in recently?” Percy knows he would have noticed or remembered her.

She puts her finger next to her lips. Percy is momentarily entranced. “I think around a month ago. I just started at New Rome University.” As she was chattering on about college Percy noticed the wine bottle slowly starting to slip out of her grip. Thanks to his demigod reflexes, Percy caught the bottle just in time.

“Oh!” She said in surprise. “Thanks! I didn’t even know it was falling.”

“No worries. I got it.” The elevator dings and they both head in. College? They were about a quarter into the fall semester. “What are you studying?”

“Agriculture.”

Percy’s eyebrows rise. That was not what he was expecting.  “Cool, my best friend from home is really into plants and stuff.”

Y/N’s lips quirked, “Plants and stuff?”

Percy smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. Thankfully, he was saved from answering by the elevator. Even though he was glad he didn’t have to answer to his stupidity, Percy still felt a pang in his chest. He really didn’t want to part from her but didn’t know how to tell her that without sounding creepy. She gives him good vibes. Percy’s always loved people like that.

“Where are you headed off too?” He eventually asks after sneaking what he hopes is casual glances at her as they exit the building.

She bounces on her toes a bit, “This girl I just met invited me to their friend’s place. I’m a bit nervous to be honest. I don’t know anyone besides her.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’ve loved talking to you and we’ve only just met.” Percy’s face went beet red. That was not how it was supposed to come out. “I-I mean you’ve been fun to talk to.”

They both laugh for a second, falling quiet quickly enough to make Percy feel awkward. He wishes he had more to say, if only to keep Y/N around him a little longer.

Y/N beams, “Thanks, Percy. I’m glad that I finally met someone in this apartment complex. Everyone here seems like busy bodies and never wants to talk.”

Percy shrugs. He’s noticed that too but never felt too bothered by it. Though, he isn’t the one who moved away from friends. “You get used to it. Here’s your wine bottle.” He hands her the wine bottle and Percy swears he gets déjà vu from a few minutes ago. Just as the wine bottle leaves his fingertips its soaring to the floor and crashes all over both of them. Fortunately, Percy isn’t hurt but he’s more concerned about Y/N to care.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Y/N puffs out she looks more shocked than anything. Percy feels like a giant idiot. First, he scares her, and Y/N’s plant almost goes flying everywhere. Then, he distracts her enough to almost drop the bottle. Now, after all of that mess he literally just fucks it all up. What are the odds?

It seems Y/N read his mind because she starts to giggle, “I think the Gods just don’t want me to bring wine today.”

As soon as they clean up the mess they head out. Percy had almost cut himself on the glass once or twice but he couldn’t complain much. He had been through worse things than a cut. Both of them had mumbled to each other the entire time about Why the Gods had decided the third time was the charm but decided against mentioning anything else as Y/N still had her plant to carry the rest of the way.

Percy only wishes that Mr. D was here to witness this. He could practically hear the “Peter Johnson!” from New Rome.

“Where are you headed too?” Y/N questions as they both come to a complete stop outside the building.

“To buy you a new wine bottle.” Percy says gesturing with his head towards town. He knows he’ll be late to Leo’s thing, but he can’t really bring himself to care. Percy also knows that Leo, out of all people, will be understanding especially if he mentions a girl.

“What?” Y/N says and grabs his arm, effectively stopping him. “No way. I am not allowing you to buy me a new wine bottle. I was the one who dropped it.”

Percy will admit that it was mostly her fault. It had been in her hands when the accident occurred. But Percy was first and foremost Sally Jackson’s son and if Sally taught him anything it was how to be polite to a pretty girl. “I was the one handing it to you.”

Y/N crosses her arms and shakes her head stubbornly. “No way, Percy! I am not allowing you to buy me one. I’ll buy my own and be on my way.”

“Fine but at least let me walk you to the wine store.” Y/N seems to consider this as her eyebrows scrunch a little less but she still doesn’t uncross her arms. She seems to agree nonverbally since she starts to walk with him.

“So, Do you know Mr.D?”

“Who?”

“Mr.D,” Percy confirms, “Dionysus? Camp Half-Blood’s camp director?”

“Oh,” Y/N murmurs, “I’ve heard of him from my friend, but I’ve never been to Camp Half-Blood.”

“Did you go to Camp Jupiter then?”

She shakes her head. Percy is officially confused. Where did she grow up then? How did she stay away from monsters? “I’m lost. Were you at home then?”

“For some reason, I never really got into trouble with monsters. Sure, weird stuff would happen to me throughout the years but my teachers would just put it off as overactive imagination. It wasn’t until my high school graduation that a monster came after me and my Dad finally brought me here. Next thing I know I’m enrolled at New Rome with my own apartment. What about you?” She questions innocently.

Percy huffs out a laugh. Oh, where to start. He settles on a simple, “I grew up at Camp Half-Blood.”

Y/N nods mutely. It gets a little awkward for a second and Percy wishes he paid a little more attention to his Mom’s rom-com movies. He’s never met a girl like this before. The only other girl he had ever been interested in was Annabeth and they had been friends forever before they even started dating. He was treading new waters.

Fortunately, they turned the corner and the wine store was a few steps away. “There it is,” Percy said and pointed. He was starting to feel nervous and he didn’t know why. Y/N went to open the door, but Percy beat her to it.

She turns around with a teasing smile on her face, “Thanks, Percy. So, want to tell me if your legal or not?”

It takes Percy a second to realize what she is talking about. Oh, buying alcohol. “Yeah, I’m 21. How old are you?”

“19.”

Oh. Oh. Percy shrugs, he’s certainly not one to shy away from illegal adventures. (A/N: DO NOT DRINK ILLEGALLY KIDDOS. NOT COOL AT ALL.) That would just be hypocritical.

Y/N heads over to the wine section and Percy follows after her like a lame, lost puppy. He needs to start acting a little cooler.

“White or red?” Percy asks.

“Champagne.” She answers immediately, with no hesitation. Alright, champagne it is. That’s a little too fancy for Percy’s taste. He’s more of a red Josh man but to each their own. He likes his six-dollar wine, thank you very much. Judgement is not tolerated within this household.

“Perfect” she says and grabs the champagne before making a beeline to the counter. Percy races after her digging for his wallet. He was not about to let her pay. He finally fishes it out of his pocket and waits for the man to check her out.

While Percy is waiting, he can’t help but admire her. She chatters away to the man as he looks over what Percy is assuming her fake ID. Making small talk in a way Percy never could.

The man gives it back to her and rings her up, “19 dollars and 75 cents, ma’am.”

Percy is quick to give his card to the dude. The cash register guy sighs and Y/N looks appalled. “No way. I am paying for it, Percy!”

He gently nudges her out of the away and hands the card over to him. He rolls his eyes, “I don’t care which one of you is going to sugar-mama the other. But whoever pays I have to see some ID.”

Percy digs in his pocket for his identification and hands it over. The man’s eyes widen, he looks at the picture then back to Percy. “You’re Percy Jack-“

“Yup,” Percy interrupts. He isn’t self-centered enough to think that Y/N has heard of him before but just in case, Percy wants to keep that information to himself for now.

The man’s demeanor instantly changes now that he knows who he is cashing out. “Have a good rest of your day!” He yells cheerily after him. When they head out, Percy can hear him whisper-yelling to his coworker about who he just checked out.

Y/N looks a little alarmed at the situation, especially probably the way Percy rushed her out. “What was that about?”

“Nothing” Percy waves her away. “That guy was just” He hesitates, “Weird.”

She makes a face, “Yeah, he really was. I can’t believe we did it though! I have never used my fake before.”

Percy takes a step back, “What? How did you get the wine from earlier then?”

“Oh, my Dad bought that for me.” Percy scoffs, Sally would be disappointed to find out that he was anywhere near alcohol. The thought fills him with a little guilt. She smiles and Percy’s chest hurts a little. This is where they say goodbye he realizes. “Well, it was really nice to meet you, Percy. I’m glad the Gods made our paths cross.”

He grins, “Me too, Y/N. I’ll see you around.”

“Bye, Percy.”

As Percy heads over to Leo’s place, he realizes how fast his heart is pounding and he can’t stop smiling. Somehow, he knows it’s not from their illegal adventure.

[bubblergoespop]

My Top Geordi Quotes

geordi come home i swear i’ll treat you better

“Oh. Cute. Hot. There’s a difference. There is a difference, but they’re both. How are they both? That’s not fair, you can’t be both!”

“It’s our bedroom, it’s our bed.”

“Smiling. Pretty smile. Don’t smile at me, that’s not fair.”

“My cutie.”

“It’s not a nickname it’s my full name, yes, it’s from Star Trek, yes, my parents were total nerds hahaha I like the show too, yes, I’m also a total nerd.”

“Nervous? Ya think? That’s a bit of an understatement, hot stranger. “

“Their face goes all soft when they smile.”

“Is this flirting? This feels like mental warfare. It’s kinda hot though.”

“That’s cool. That’s great. That feels good. I like this and I’m having a good time and uhhhh they want my number—”

“Just focus. Just run. Running’s fun, right? Run back to your car. Fast. Very fast. So I can have a panic attack in the comfort of my own home.”

“Have a good day, what am I, a drive thru employee?!”

“I don’t wanna hook up. Well… I mean—“

“Thanks. Oh my god, they kiss me and I say thanks?“

“Fuck they look cute. I love when you look at me like that. That little half smile. Like you can see right through me.”

“I don’t actually know how to play poker. But I sure know how to strip—“

“I’m not normal people. I’m a panicking mess.”

“You give good kisses. Except for that time where you sneezed in the middle of one.”

“I’m dating a crazy person. Oh my god they’re like those people who think they’re really vampires.”

“How did I not know they believe shit like this? They seem so normal!”

“Say… fucking… uh… ‘you asked for it, a whole video devoted to the Rainbow Sponge’!”

“I mean the two of us? Cuddling? Keeping each other warm? It’s scandalous! What’ll the neighbours think? I mean I’m pretty sure I saw your knees the other day, I mean we’re already gonna bring shame to our families at this rate. Oh and fucking on the couch yesterday probably isn’t helping our case either.”

“They come out as a Telepath and my fucking rat brain says ‘oh we don’t get to play video games?’”

“Shut up—! Call me out on it.”

“What are words? Don’t know them never met them. What am I saying? “

“Safe.”

“This is a bad idea— This is a really good idea.”

“I don’t have a chance to refine my thoughts into beautiful prose, you just get monkey-brain going—‘You? Me? We fuck now?’”

“We’re gonna fuck— Yes thank you hindbrain. The evolved parts are trying to be at least vaguely romantic— [moan] Nevermind.”

“Why does that song always get stuck in my head?! God, it’s like a soundtrack to my insanity.”

“But it’s more than that. It’s you. It’s you in here with me. Sharing everything. No walls. I don’t have to have walls with you. I’m safe with you. Finally safe.”

“I love you. I’m glad your smile is back.”

“Hell is real and it’s here in this brain.”

“You make this all feel safe. And honest. I didn’t know it could feel like that again. Until I met you.”

“I can’t fix this, but I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I got you. And I’ll hold you as long as you need.”

“Don’t smirk at me like that! But do, cause it’s cute. Rude. But cute.”

“Yeah, I’m all weeetttttt unnhhhh”

“Oh my god. You are a nightmare. My favorite nightmare. “

“Why haven’t we done this before—? Do not encourage them!”

“It’s really fucking hot. It’s also really fucking dangerous! Which is kinda hot… Oh my god why do I like this. “

“Touch me. I don’t care where we are, just touch me, fuck, please.”

“I see how much you struggle with this, and I want you to have peace from all that.”

“I want you to heal.”

“I love you. I loved you then and I love you now. You are worth work and effort.”

“Drinking this really bad bad coffee. [his laugh here brings tears to my eyes] That felt good.”

[momentomori24]

I swear to God, Twitter being able to accumulate so many brain-dead, malicious, pseudo intellectual low lives all in one place at the same time is a phenomenon worthy of being studied under a microscope in a science lab. And no, that is not a compliment.

Thankfully people have already spoken out against this bullshit-- the fact that people needed to is already maddening to think about-- but as someone who got the basic gist of what happened literally yesterday I'll also put my voice out there: Don't you fucking dare try to paint Hbomb as a murderer over this situation.

Somerton may be a lying, misogynistic plagiarist and conman, but he obviously doesn't deserve to die and while I do make fun of the guy, I genuinely hope that he continues to have a life after the dust has settled on everything. Not on YouTube or any social media platform for a long time at least, but just a life nontheless. I don't wish what he's potentially going through on anyone, and I hope that he makes it through this. But regardless of if he does or doesn't-- and God forbid he doesn't-- none of this is Hbomb's fault. It's not his fault, or Kat's fault, or Jessie's fault (because apparently there's people blaming her too cuz WHY NOT), or anybody's fault. All they did was call out his actions, hold him accountable for the harm he's done. They have done nothing to deserve having to carry this on their shoulders should the worst happen. They did nothing wrong. They didn't kill James (he's not confirmed dead yet either btw). They are not murderers. And to the people saying they are: say those words out loud, listen how they sound like, and re-evaluate. Just cease.

And to people like this:

''Oh I'm not blaming him for anything I'm just blaming him for what his audience did because according to HIM you're responsible for your audience'' Yeah, you people can shut your mouths too. Of course you're responsible for your audience, and that includes Hbomb too. However, your tiny, godless little monkey brain can't see why your argument is still rubbish even with that in mind. The difference between James, Internet Historian and Hbomb is that Hbomb never promoted problematic behaviour to his audience. If you promote problematic shit like harassment or misogyny or racism, then yeah, you're absolutely responsible for how your behaviour influences your audience. But that's not what he did. He made it very clear where he stood on those things, literally stating that ''if anyone were to harass Somerton on his behalf they are worse than him and will not see the light of heaven''. He's done his part in making it clear that harassment is wrong, so if someone went out of their way to go against that and harass James anyway that doesn't reflecf on him at all. Also, what the hell do you mean ''hatemobbed'' to suicide? I don't doubt there are people who went to extremes because those bad apples always exist, but most of the things I've seen are valid critisisms, memes and call outs about that guy. If holding people accountable for their actions and poking fun at them a little counts as 'hatemobbing'' (which has Filip calling his critics a ''lynch mob'' energy tbh) what the hell do you call actual hatemobbing then? Do we just let people continue being shitty because calling them out ''damages their mental health'' or ''drives them to suicide'' then? Is that a world you want to live in?

Same thing goes for people like this:

Criticing someone for their objectively bullshit content and wanting them dead are two seperate things. What the actual hell is wrong with you. The plagiarist in question is a person. Those ''harshest critics'' are still people. And because we're people, we care. I'd rather James pump out more plagiarised slop than commit suicide. I'd still hate him for it, but I'd prefer him being alive over the alternative any day. We all do. None of us would sleep easier knowing he's dead just because he wouldn't be ''committing the cardinal sin of putting out a 'pure content mill' video'' because someone taking their own life is horrific-- especially Hbomberguy, how dare you even try to imply that?

And this gets me to the reason I'm furiously typing all this out in the first place: Hbomb is the fucking victim here, so stop treating him like he isn't. He tried making things as right as possible by compensating those that were burned by James through a video where he revealed everything there needs to be known about the guy so that less people fall victim to his actions and lies. To just ignore the harm James was causing while he had the evidence to prove it and platform too big to threaten into non existence should he speak out would've been bad. So he didn't. He did the right thing by sticking with the people James had stolen from, giving them a voice and making them known after they've been scrubbed from the picture by decidedly being uncredited for their works or bullied into silence. He shouldn't have to deal with this for doing the right thing. He shouldn't be labelled a murderer for doing the right thing. He shouldn't have to have the death of a man on his conscience for doing the right thing. People claiming otherwise are obviously wrong, but I can't imagine what all this must feel like right now. Because even tho they're wrong, guilt isn't a rational thing, and I know that if I were in his position I'd still feel like a morally bankrupt individual were the worst to happen even if I knew that it was not my fault. This isn't a funny story. So to add to this dumpsterfire by using it as a prop to bash on a creator you don't like and immediately write Somerton off as dead even when he's not even been confirmed dead yet to do that shows how little these people actually care about the thing they're talking about. They don't care a guy potentially killed himself-- what they care about is using it to paint Hbomb in a bad light because they don't like him. Here they are, posting memes and ill jokes about this very delicate situation while barely a day since the news broke out had passed. It's opportunistic, it's sickening, and literally the exact thing he criticised in his video when talking about 'content mills'. Like, I know none of these clowns bothered to actually watch it, but have some self-awareness. And some shame too, while you're at it.

This long story short: I'm writing this to contribute to the narrative not getting twisted to make Hbomb out to be the villian. Same goes for everyone else. Don't let these people paint them as the villians. If I see another person pull this shit again I will literally bite you and shred you into salad and spit you back out because I hate you so much and I mean that wholeheartedly.

To Hbomb: you will never see this but if you do, take care of yourself.

To the asshats this post is about: Delete your account. Cease all together. Stop talking about this. Just leave him the fuck alone.

[quitealotofsodapop]

God damn. Like, I can’t even imagine how much that must hurt/sting.

Even though it was, at the time, somewhat incidental on Wukong’s part. Imagine just baring your soul, your true self, your entire being to your significant other, only for them to go: “Ew, gross.” And then run away.

Like, holy shit! No wonder he has trust issues. If that happened to me I’d probably never want to show my face in public again. Let alone try to make friends with others.

I highly doubt Macaque truly understands just how much he hurt Wukong that day. And I honestly don’t know if Wukong could find the words to articulate his feelings even if he wanted to.

But imagine a scenario where Wukong is forced to use his kaiju form for whatever reason. And as he’s wrecking shop, he notices Macaque on the sidelines just scaring at him and his form mesmerized. That would be like a punch in the face and/or gut. Because the first time he entered this form Macaque was terrified and ran away, and now he’s suddenly enamored with it?! Is he serious?!

Prev.

And it wasn't that Macaque had been disgusted or truly horrified by Wukong's Kaiju - but in the moment he had fled with fear like many of their people. Like if you just saw someone burst into flames. Survival instinct activated before his brain did.

But the damage was done.

And despite how much these two love poetry, they're pretty bad at articulating how they feel to one another.

I feel that Wukong would *only* activate his Kaiju again if there was a threat so big that they needed that intimaidation factor.

Wukong goes full three-headed, six-armed, being made of sunlight on the threat. Looks down and there's Macaque with a look in his eyes... one that Wukong knows well.

Why now!? When his like this!?!

Afterwards some soft words are exchanged.

Macaque: "I had been afraid back then Wukong. I had no idea what had happened when you first transformed. I just... ran." Wukong: "I know. When I saw you and all of the monkeys flee from me I..." (*hides face in knees and arms*) Macaque: "It... in the aftermath of it all, when I realised it was truly you all I could think "By the Gods he's sublime". You turned yourself into a moving sun to fend for your people. And I had... I had run from it. Ran from the deepest manifestation of You. I don't think I could ever apologise for that." Wukong, raises tear-stricken face: "Why didn't you ever tell me?" Macaque, stumbling: "I... I felt like I had no words for it. Even though I threw the worst kind at you under the mountain, I lacked the thought to express how I truly felt afterwards. I guess I forget that not everyone can hear everything. And that even though I could Hear , I hadn't thought to Listen." Wukong: "If... if we were both to transform, right now, would you stay?" Macaque: "I will. On the Enlightened One's name I will stay. I won't run." Wukong: (*silently, his body begins to unfurl into it's Kaiju form. Filling up nearly most of Water Curtain Cave. Each set of red-gold eyes look at Macaque with worry*) Macaque, amazed smile spreading across his face: "Beautiful." Macaque: (*transforms fully into his own smokey kaiju, barely a third the size of Wukong*) (*Both monkeys nuzzle against one another as they would when they were regular sized. Shadow and Light mixing into one another*) Kaiju!Macaque, voice many octaves deeper: "B e a u t i f u l..."

All three of Wukong's Kaiju-form faces blush.

Their sappy rekindling is only interrupted when MK walks in and excitedly declares "MONKEY KING KAIJU!!!!" before transforming into his own - the scruffy, three-tailed, yellow starlight jumping into the middle of the pair like a child demanding a cuddle.

Kaiju Cuddle Pile ensues.

[cainhart]

My brief theories on hybrid psychology, biology, lifespan, historical connections to our world, and the possibility of other hybrids in the DMC world aside from the loser twins and Nero.

In Devil May Cry, being a hybrid is not exactly seen as a freak of nature but rather as something disgraceful on the demons' side. The reason for this is quite simple: humans are considered "food" for demons. Human blood is both literally and spiritually a fuel, an essential substance that feeds the demons. The fact that a demon has "disgraced" itself to the point of mating with "food" is a big deal among demons. A lot of Devil May Cry media comment on this—it's even directly said of Sparda that he "turned into a lustful monkey," because, in their eyes, humans are lustful monkeys. Worse, humans die very quickly; they're weak and fragile. You can imagine how much worse it is for demons, where power is everything.

As for humans, there is no canon information about their perspective that I know of. My theory is that some of the "demigods" and mythological figures mentioned in the history of the world are hybrids who were born on Earth before the separation of the two worlds, but that's a topic for another day. As far as we know, the hybrids that are on Earth right now are Dante, Vergil, Nero, and (probably) Matier.

What confuses me more is biology. Humans and demons are different species, even though they were once "one." And even devils differ from each other by looks, too. While Mundus looks like a human man, particularly Zeus, Sparda looks like a bug. Agrosax has both a female and a male body. But it looks like they can alter their looks and DNA enough to have a human-like body by using their demonic magic. And they can have hybrids, hybridity works strangely in humans and animals too.

In Homo sapiens-Neanderthal hybrids, only the female was fertile.

In the animal kingdom, female hybrids are usually fertile unless there is a direct biological problem.

This is a Mule. A hybrid born from a female horse and a male donkey. Female Mule can only breed with male horses. Male Mule are infertile.

This is a Hinny, born from a female donkey and a male horse. Both male and female ones are infertile.

Liger's are both thought to be unfertile, but like Mule's, female Liger's can breed with male lions, creating Liliger. Tigon females are fertile, but males are not. A female Tigon and a male tiger had bred and created Titigon.

The reason for this is Haldane's Rule. When I tried to apply it to demon-human hybrids, I came up with something quite funny: Vergil shouldn't have been able to have a child. The Sparda twins are supposed to be infertile. But if we replace this with demon fuckery, we get at least the following result:

Male hybrid: Can breed with human females. Cannot breed with demon females. Cannot breed with Hybrid females.

Female hybrid: Cannot breed with human males. Can breed with demon males. Cannot breed with Hybrid males. A sad day for people with Vergil/hybrid!Nero's mother OCs because hybrids are unable to breed and produce offspring. Probably. Their partial infertility isn’t the strange part—that’s expected. Hybrids are known to have accelerated healing, incredible strength, agility, speed—the list goes on. These are part of their demonic heritage. But the truly fascinating aspect is how it plays into their biology. The human body can't display even half the strength of hybrids unless adrenaline is involved. If humans could perform such actions, our muscles would tear, our bones would break, and our blood vessels would rupture. Not to mention the risk of brain hemorrhage, blood coming out of the eyes and ears, or even heart attacks. The reason hybrids don’t suffer from these conditions might be due to their superior healing abilities, but even that explanation only scratches the surface. It’s directly related to the fact that they are hybrids.

The reason why Dante and Vergil can fall or jump from great heights (with Vergil literally falling into hell and only fainting, and Dante jumping off a cliff in DMC4) and continue on as if nothing happened is perhaps due to the high ratio of collagen, protein, and hydroxyapatite in their bones. This trait likely begins developing in the womb, as their bodies produce an abundance of osteoblasts. However, it would be nearly impossible for human women to survive such pregnancies. The human body would struggle to provide the immense amount of nutrition a half-demon child requires, leading to either a miscarriage or the mother dying from malnutrition and exhaustion. This could explain why hybrids are so rare.

How Eva carried TWO hybrid babies remains a mystery, but Sparda was likely-no, surely highly active during and after the pregnancy. Otherwise, Eva would not have survived, since there are six hours between Vergil and Dante’s births.

I believe that if a hybrid woman ever became pregnant by a human male or a hybrid male, her pregnancy would be shorter. Since hybrids are not fully human, their bodies function in a way that's almost like Homo sapiens 2.0. Their growth factors would be insane: -Growth hormone would be highly elevated. -their IGF1 would be mutated, leading to significantly increased cell growth and development -mutated CDKs would regulate the cell cycle to promote faster cell division and growth. -placental efficiency would be enhanced, with Vascular Endothelial Growth Factor doubling the blood flow and nutrition supply. The cyncytin genes would also be more active. Anyway, you get the picture. Hybrid women could grow and pack a whole ass baby in about 4 months and call it a day. This process may be even faster in Devil Trigger form, but Hybrids can't hold their DT long enough. What bugs my mind is whether female hybrids would have periods. I think so? But the duration and intensity would likely differ from human women. One day I will write in-depth about female and male hybrid anatomy but for now, this is enough.

Another thing is, assuming hybrids are not easily cut or pierced by mundane weapons, their skin must produce high levels of keratin. Keratin is a protein that gives nails their hardness and forms the outer layer of the skin (epidermis). The calcification—the storage of calcium salts in the skin—must be high. At the same time, neither Dante, Nero, nor Vergil have any scars, acne scars, blackheads, or blemishes. Their skin heals perfectly, restoring itself to its original state. The white blood cells of hybrids must be working like crazy lol. To put it crudely, when they get a cut—or any wound, for that matter the white cells ring alarm bells and rush to close the wound. Blood clotting (hemostasis) begins, then cytokines are released and after that the bleeding stops, what follows is tissue formation (Proliferation). This happens in such a short time that it is hard to believe. At the same time, as I mentioned above, the high collagen and keratin ratios of hybrids also prevent scars. It's really strange.

Another thing is that hybrids have a highly developed sense of smell, hearing and sight. In DMC5, Dante could smell Urizen from quite a distance. And demons, even hybrids, have their own scent. According to Dante, it's not a nice smell. That's my guess, too. I think the sons of Sparda are fire-based demons, considering their devil trigger form (I don't know what to think of Nero because his DT form is very vague and very humanoid. But he still can be a fire-based demon, considering Sparda, Agrosax, and Berial are prolly fire-based demons but none look alike). Therefore, the smell of all three could be like burnt flesh or a sooty, weird grotesque smell which I like the idea of. This is probably the smell of their demon blood mixing with their human blood. The hybrids smell must differ from each other based on their type. We've seen demons from the four elements throughout the series, but I think there could be more concept-based demons, like ‘darkness’ because nobody knows where to put these demons, so they just call them darkness or void… things like that. Even though we humans are the same species, we can give ourselves different names to feel special, so it's not surprising.

Hybrids also have the ability to sense energy. This is something we humans possess as well since we live in an energy field and are always in touch with it, we can feel the energies around us. It’s the same for hybrids, but their ability to transfer and sense energy is far beyond what we can ever achieve. It’s canon that demonic energies can bring a hybrid’s demon side to the surface, calling and provoking it. In Deadly Fortune, when Yamato is fixed/healed by Nero, Dante feels a sudden and all-too-familiar demonic energy that unintentionally triggers his demonic side for a moment. This is Yamato’s call. Dante’s demon side is provoked by her and, inevitably, by Vergil’s energy because I wholeheartedly believe Yamato contains a part of Vergil’s soul. They are inbound.

Not much is known about how long hybrids live, but they do age, as we’ve seen with Dante and Matier. Interestingly, Matier lived long enough to meet Sparda. I think hybrids outlive humans, and an average lifespan of 300 years, like Tieflings. I’ll delve into the biological factors of this separately another time.

In the Devil May Cry anime, there’s an episode about a devil’s sincere love for a human. This kinda confirmed my belief that there MUST be other hybrids besides shit twins, Nero and Matier. People in love sometimes have sex, and if they want to, children are born as a result. However, based on what I mentioned earlier, I’m not sure how healthy the pregnancy would be.

The character themes are the best source for understanding the inner conflict a hybrid experiences. Their demon and human souls and blood clash with each other, fighting to see which will come out as the victor. This is evident even with Nero, which is interesting because he’s only about 15% demon, having a hybrid dad and a human mom. It’s weird because, physically, demon blood is dominant, but according to the lore, the human soul is superior. Nero has so little demon blood that he nearly lacks the demonic smell (Dante in Deadly Fortune and Malphas in Devil May Cry 5 comments about this). He’s more human than the twins—a very domestic boy. His psyche should be stronger than the twins. 

Dante's theme songs, however, are understandable, he is a half-breed, a perfect balance of two opposite sides. We see that these demonic urges are directed toward other demons, but I’m curious about whether hybrids have any violent urges toward humans. They are half-demon, after all. Demons are the predators of humans—Sparda himself ate humans before he awoke to justice. We humans even have cannibalistic urges, thanks to female genome transaction, our time cannibalizing each other has scorched into our brains.  Human blood is not just tasty to demons yet hybrids are not berserkers or lesser demons with zero intelligence. They have a brain and a human heart; I don’t see them openly fantasizing about mauling or eating people. But I’m pretty sure the smell of human blood would be appealing to them. It might be like smelling a barbecue and thinking, “Damn, that smells good.” But maybe it wouldn’t be enticing enough to make them attack or eat people. You wouldn't want to eat an alive cow while it stands there cowly, eating grass. You may even interact with it in a nonaggressive way. That’s how I think hybrids would act towards humans if they were in control. Yeah, IF. Returning to Sparda Kin’s theme songs, the inner conflict of a hybrid makes sense with what I’ve said earlier. When you lose control and your demonic side takes over, you essentially leave part of your human consciousness in the hands of an apex predator. In such moments, you could harm those you love or innocent people, or commit worse acts. In the Bible, Nephilim are said to eat humans. This is, of course, a biased point of view, assuming that Abrahamic religions derive their sources from ancient records. But these Nephilim (hybrids) are not all the same; they are all different from each other and this is proven by science, human hybrids and animal hybrids are always different. It is also said that Nephilim are immortal, but there is no explicit mention that they are truly immortal; they simply die. However, the existence of man-eating Nephilim might suggest that some hybrids would indeed have a desire to eat humans. By the way, Nephilim are directly related to our world and the DMC hybrid concept—giants. Hybrids result from the mating of Annunaki people left on Earth with humans.

And don't even get me started on the creepy similarity between the Annunaki legend and Sparda and Mundus. :l

Well, uhh, that's all. I didn't touch on everything I wanted to touch on, but this post would be too long if I let myself go. Have a good day!

[oppropro]

Chapter 2 of my fanfic

I am so happy to receive the positive feedback on my story inspired by @jttw-monkeybusiness. I had a hard time writing this chapter as it is from the perspective of different pilgrims. I want their thoughts to be believable and true to their nature, while also being true to @celestialkiri 's vision of these characters in her AU. I got a bit overly ambitious with this chapter and had to cut it short; the rest of the story will continue in a 3rd chapter. This has a better narrative flow.

So without further ado; I present chapter 2 of Monkey Business based on the creations of @jttw-monkeybusiness all credit goes to her.

********

CHAPTER 2- Here's your sign

            Sun Wukong, King of Mount Huaguo, Great Sage equal to heaven, was losing his patience. His master, the monk Tripitaka once again avoided near death thanks to the valiant efforts of his disciple, Sun Wukong. The very same disciple he chose to ignore when he warned the monk of the dangers of the demon hoard that had laid a trap to kill and eat the monk. A trap so obvious even Pigsy should have seen coming. That is, if Pigsy could ever think with his brain and not his stomach.

            And what thanks does Wukong get for saving his master and his pig-headed brother? Another lecture on how violence does not solve every problem. Well, violence certainly solved that problem. Besides, if his master had simply listened to him in the first place, they could have easily avoided the demon’s trap and Wukong wouldn’t have to resort to violence.

            “Hardships we face on our pilgrimage are simply a test of faith, and it is through our faith that we will ultimately persevere.” Monk Tripitaka spoke in a slow and deliberate manner.

            “Well then start showing more faith in me!” Wukong replied.

            “This journey is not just about you.”

            “And yet it is I, once again, coming to everyone’s rescue.”

            “I appreciate that you were able to rescue us, but that does not change the fact that you do not get to dictate the path we must follow, or default to wanton violence as a solution to every obstacle.”

            “Those demons were going to eat you and the pig alive! They weren’t even coy about it! If everyone just listened to me, it wouldn’t have even been an obstacle.”

            “We cannot avoid every danger, or burden, or obstacle we face on our journey.” Tripitaka’s tone conveyed a clear message: this conversation was over. “Even if such a challenge were to fall from the heavens and land directly on us. We will face whatever lies before us head on and accept the fate that has been ordained by Buddha.”

            “Well then, Master, you can find somebody else to save your ass because I am tired of being the only one around here who-” Wukong’s sentence was cut short as, apropos of the monk’s declaration, the heavens had opened up and a strange blonde woman fell upon the angry monkey’s back.

********

            Sandy, Pigsy, and Bai Long stood at the side of a clearing and watched their brother and their master argue back and forth. They had seen this exact same scenario played out before; it was safe for them to assume that it wasn’t going to be the last. The novelty of these fights had worn off and now they simply wished they would get to the point where Wukong would learn his lesson about self-control, humility, and acceptance so they could move on with their journey. For all the talk about other people slowing him down, Wukong sure liked to waste time arguing moot points.

            However, a girl falling from the heavens and landing on their elder brother’s back was new. They and the monk stood agog staring at the unforeseen spectacle before them: the woman had hair the colour of summer sun, and her clothes were foreign. The sack that she carried on her back had fallen off, that too was made of some strange and heavenly material not found on earth.

            Her face had landed in the dirt, her legs tangled amongst the limbs of Sun Wukong, and she moaned as she cradled her temples in her arms, nursing whatever wound she incurred from her less than graceful decent from heaven.

            Tripitaka was the first to break free from his spell. Still unable to process what had just happened, he rushed to the side of the stranger in an attempt to help her sit up an regain her composure. Pigsy followed his master’s lead and the two of them were able to prop the woman up and assess her for any injuries: some bumps and scratches, all superficial. That didn’t rule out the risk of any serious, or even deadly, head wounds.

            “Little sister, are you hurt?” the monk asked. “Do you understand me? Can you open your eyes?”

            The woman replied with a whimper, as she slowly blinked her eyes several times trying to purge her tears. Pigsy watched her blue eyes dilate and constrict in an attempt to regain focus. They had never seen a foreigner before. He knew that humans in other countries looked different, and that they were bound to meet foreigners on their journey to India, but the difference in eye colour was striking. This wasn’t something to dwell on, however; the woman needed help.

            “Good, good, little sister, you’re going to be alright. Let us help you. Just keep breathing nice and slowly.” Pigsy spoke to the woman in a low, slow voice and began to exaggerate his breath in so that the stranger might mimic him.

            “HOW ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU QUIT FAWNING OVER THAT STUPID SKY WOMAN AND HELP YOUR BROTHER OUT!”

            Wukong’s voice hit the stranger like a slap to the face. She gasped as her eyes widened and she finally focused on her surroundings. Pigsy was familiar with the expression on the stranger’s face: shock, confusion, fear; a primal fight or flight reaction that all humans experience when face to face with a demon.

            The stranger’s breath became quick and shallow, Pigsy could sense her heart rate bounding. There may still have been hope that Tripitaka may calm her down, but as she looked down at his elder brother, the demon monkey trapped between her legs, flashing his fangs as he scowled at the woman, he knew what was about to happen.

            He let go of the stranger as she screamed and began kicking wildly at Wukong until they were finally untangled. As the terrified woman struggled on all fours to get up and make a mad dash into the forest, Wukong jumped up with an unwarranted sense of accomplishment. Congratulations you stupid monkey; you successfully scared a woman.

            Tripitaka went to mount Bai Long. “Sandy. Pigsy. Please, help me look for our new companion. Monkey, you stay here and watch over our camp.”

            Whatever pride Wukong felt fled his body as soon as his master spoke. “What? Why are you chasing after her? She means nothing to us.”

            “Where you not paying attention to what our master had said?” Pigsy spat.

            “Yes. Even if such a challenge were to fall from the heavens and land directly on us. Well, I just passed buddha’s test. I overcame that challenge and didn’t even resort to violence. I guess I have learned my lesson now and we can all continue on our way. Oh thank you great and wise buddha! You have made me a better monkey.”

            “You have learned nothing,” Tripitaka snapped. “Now we have to go find this woman lest a fate worse than crashing into you befalls her.”

            The monkey growled. His blood was beginning to boil.

            “Then I will bring this challenge back to you, master.”             Wukong took off in the same direction as the woman before the monk could object. beginning to boil. He raced through the canopy following the stranger’s trail. The path she left was easy enough to follow. Even if it wasn’t glaringly obvious, Wukong could smell her: her scent; her blood; her fear. He could hear her: her ragged breath; her racing heart; her pitiful cries for help. The great monkey king would catch up to this pathetic whelp in no time and return her to his master so he can figure out what he wants to do with her. But before he brought her to his master, Wukong had some questions of his own to ask the woman. At the very least, this stupid woman owed Sun Wukong an apology.

[genderfluid-insomniac]

Hello! I was wondering how it would look if both Wukong and Macaque were fighting for Reader’s love? I know a love triangle is a little cliche, but it’d be hilarious to see what these idiots get up to. Bonus if Reader is totally oblivious (maybe even thinks Wukong and Macaque like each other but are too emotionally constipated to do something other than argue). Bonus-Bonus if MK has to play wingman for all three of these dense morons.

You don’t have to do all of this. My brain just goes a million miles a second XD.

Hi anon! Sorry this took a bit but I hope you like it!!

Love Triangle Bullshit//Sun Wukong x reader x Six-Eared Macaque

Ever since the scroll incident, they’ve been getting along with minor issues, and thanks to the group both monkeys “willingly” promised to not physically fight unless it was training. However, that didn’t mean they couldn’t fight over someone else… i.e. you.

Remember the beach day they all had after the world didn’t get ripped apart, you were so excited that you had gotten a new swimsuit to celebrate and run into the water after letting the sunscreen absorb into your skin. From where you were you can see the two demon monkies sitting underneath an umbrella and exchanging some words, sending a friendly wave at them and going in to say hi.

You jogged in wringing out your hair in the process and laughed when you got to them, unaware of their eyes wandering your body and less-than-clean fantasies of you beneath them or kissing them passionately. “Why aren’t you guys in the water? It’s such a hot day out?” Wukong gave the reason that he doesn’t swim he sinks due to being stone and Macaque simply claimed he was better off in the shade, both of them smirking when they caught your eyes wandering down their bare chests.

Since the scroll incident, MK had been figuring out his identity as a demon monkey (or at least the form) and inviting you along with him, totally not because he knew all three of you were hopeless in love and despite trying to get at least one of you to make a move with no one going to on the account of their feelings not being returned (WHICH WAS BULLSHIT).

Even though he could totally tell both his mentors would show off whenever you were there, Wukong’s method was more about demonstrating his own strength with powerful moves against him or just blatantly training with his shirt off. Macaque took a different route, choosing to sneak up behind you to say flirty comments (at least that’s what it looked like with you brightly blushing sometimes) or showing up both him and the Monkey King.

At least they were all testing the waters and MK had given up being a wingman for all of them, knowing you’d get together soon enough.