#and THIS is all why i have got to make my french film-related movie. anyway

[carcarrot]

composing an incredibly detailed and informed rant about the indiewire juliette binoche retrospective they're doing for the quad cinema and how there are SUCH better choices from her filmography than the ones they picked

[goat4brains]

MINI - REVIEWS

fall guy

★★★★½

his job was beach and now it is fall

it was millennial humour (sorry Edswald) but it was still hilarious

banger soundtrack

I love a summer blockbuster movie THAT FEELS LIKE A SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE. I was a Marvel defender for like my entire life (watched The Iron Man at age 2 when it came out and have been watching Marvel Media ever since) i loved having a new Marvel movie each year and more of the franchise to obsess over but with the flop era that Marvel has been having recently has opened my eyes to like how enjoyable a non-frachise movies can be actually... and this one did NAWT DISAPPOINT

I don't think this was a movie meant for imax BUTT due to us watching it that way

the sound production my lord, chef kiss

being an artist in many fields and just overall being a jack of all trades (....and master of none) you start to just froth over stupid stuf

point for the stunt dog, we need more French stunt dogs

why does Ryan Gosling keep making films that got me saying "That is literally me" I may just be secretly Ryan Gosling

the plot twist didnt reeallt twist but truely i believe that was the point, this movie is filled with referneces and tropes and cliches.. and i fear that is the point! its a silly action romcom that fits into the genre!! because its sopposed to!! and i don't know how if this is another moment of critical thinking lost to the wind but alot of bad reviews is simply people critiqueing the movvie for not being serious or for the fact its cliche,

LIKE THAT ISN'T THE POINT! anyways let movies be silly goofy 2024

IVE MISSED BLOOPER CREDITS SO BAD OMG, THIS IS A MOVIE THAT IS SO PERFECT FOR THAT I ALSO HOPE MOTIVATES MORE

DUNE REFERENCE AT THE END?? WHO UP CONTROLLING THEY SPICE???

almost famous

★★★★☆

i am sorry for finding Russell Hammond hot, just to begin

it did a really good job at showing off aspects of being a Rockstar in this time, groupies and drug use and etc. it shows the sex drugs and rock and roll in a way that didn't feel romanticizey. these events were happening and they felt true

it also represented a lot from the 60's and 70's insanely well, the young wanted to be free, and they want to rebel and they want to express themselves in writing and journalism.. who needs lawyers and Christianity???

"I'm gay!" in the airplane, forever my gay icon thanks Stillwater Drummer Ed

I've been unironically listening to Stillwater after we watched this in class, the songs are genuinely so good.

the struggle of wanting to be cool but at the end of the day compromising to find comfort in our uncoolness

i gotta steal penny lanes closet man,

Alvin in the chipmunks intro, Jason lee aka Jeff Bebe is such a reference that Julian explained to me and then i choked laughing

i must continue my love for penny lane BECAUSE SHE IS LITTERALLY ME. (to the point i had a extinensial crisis in the car after this movie, Julian can vouch) It's a very sad character to relate to but she has a persona and has worked it to a level of precision. she is the perfect muse and strives to be viewed as such. she's mysterious and confident on the surface but is without a doubt extremely delusional. Now i have never wanted to be close to a Rockstar but i do understand the striving for validations of others (especially men) and ultimately breaking down when you don't have it, because what are you then? if you aren't a 'band-aid', if you aren't this cool loved by others person, who are you? her entire breakdown and overall character just made sense and was just insanely relatable to me.

a beautiful cult classic, they don't make coming of age movies like they used to

children of men

★★★★☆

ignoring the panic attack i had at the end of class and my prompt run away to throw up

such a good dystopian, but even then such a good representation of current time. this is life for many and its sad it didn't feel played up in any way. people live with bombed bakeries, schools and coffee shops, young people are murdered everyday, art is stolen from the rightful owners, people are in concentration camps. human beings are being killed. while other human beings are in the comfort (or discomfort) of their homes

it was so intense and gut wrenching (ha, literally).

the trajectory from calm to dead, dead and more dead was abrupt (in a good way to the writing) but that is war.

the cinematography music, editing and sound immerses you so completely. i said The Fall Guy was a movie that didn't need Imax THIS WAS. THIS SO WAS

MICHEAL CAIN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! STOP GETTING HURT OR DYING IN YOUR FILMS!!! PLEASE!!

CGI baby was kinda odd but okay

there is something about Britain media and being dark and gritty and making you depressed ive noticed, i need to watch a deep dive on that

oranges before tragedy? why? I'm curious of why its used as symbolism for impending doom

fun fact: in the novel the reason women couldn't birth babies wasn't because they were infertile it was because men couldn't produce sperm! in the movie its the other way

but idk it'd be a cool plot idea in the movie that it was actually men's sperm counts being the issue and they were just simply

wrong

Theo is such a great main character because he falls into my favorite trope: the main character isn't the protagonist! in sherlock holmees the narrator is Dr. Watson but the stories are obviously about Holmes. or in the game "Stray" the cat in the main character but B-12 is who the stories about. We, the cat, is simply the vessel in the same way Theo is the Vessel in Kee's story. i also love Main Character deaths when done well. Theo overall is a well written character and i liked their journey

THE SCENE WHERE ALL WAR STOPS AT THE SOUND OF A BABY'S CRY??? CHILLS INSANE RAGAHH

extra~

★★★★★

or in other words i liked, subscribed and shared with a friend

okay maybe its because Katrina is one of my closest friends but time and time again this woman shocks me with the work she produces and there is so evidently such a future for her in video making a content creation as a whole. all her points are provided beautifully and overall in such a eye-catching and fun way. honest to god I've re-watched the video itself about 4 times. it was done in canva?? she made this in a presentation with just the animation function? and it rivals the production of MatPats team of editors? INSANE. The entire video is such a perfect tribute to MatPats concept and vision and truly captures him as a creator. Watching Katrina slave over this assignment with all of her other responsibilities to the point she spent a weekend bed ridden and sick just is a perfect example of how passionate she is and i can only expect the best for her. all Katrina does should be given the best praise as Katrina Davis is a icon and should be recognized as such

i heart katrina, put that on a shirt

she will win viral friday.

extra exttra~

jaws

☆☆☆☆☆

bad.

0/10

[dolljunk]

So here's one of the most infamous dolls made in the past ten years. The doll that ended up killing the Live Action Film Collection dolls from the Disney Store that I knew I had to have because it's one of the few doll related things that got into the wider flow of memes.

I think everyone knows about how badly botched this Emma Watson doll has become and I won't go much into why it's so bad, but the reason why I finally got one is because I actually wanted this outfit.

Belle's blue dress is honestly one of my all time favourite outfits on a Disney character, and I'm actually really happy with how the live action design came out because of how it both harkens to the original design and the stylistic choices in that it's based on French fashion.

I know that Belle's crappy yellow dress has basically dominated the discussion of that movie's costume design but I honestly did think every other costume was incredibly done and well rooted in French fashion that managed to capture the level of decadence and detail from it while having something to say behind each design choice. Belle's blue dress was done incredibly well in regards to working class French fashion which highlights how poorly her yellow dress fared in comparison. I may despise the live action movie but I know the costume designs are objectively well done when they're not attributed to Emma Watson.

Now of course I don't love how it was actually styled since Emma Watson tucking the skirt into her waistband looked really silly even for scenes that didn't require her to have it tucked in, and the fact that she refused to wear structured undergarments meant that the outfit wrinkled and puckered in unfortunate ways throughout the film. I'm not saying she had to wear historically accurate clothing but it was unfortunate how poorly styled she looked and it would have been nice if her costumes had ANY structure to it underneath.

Anyway I'm really excited I got this outfit since Disney Store's Film Collection dolls have an incredible amount of detail on them and this outfit blows it out of the park. It genuinely makes me sad that Disney Store isn't doing dolls like this at these price points anymore. I know for a fact that if Disney Store did collector dolls in the $40 price range people would go nuts.

Her petticoat is fully lined, her skirt is separate to her top and aprons, and the blue portion of her top is separate. Her bloomers and socks are always nice surprises since doll undergarments are non existent and these pieces are really nice.

Again I really do love this interpretation of Belle's dress as the different fabrics give this sense of a lived in look to it and the decorative stitches and patchwork show more of a working class feel and a grounded realism to a very animated design. I'm not an expert in French fashion but I feel like the work for this design was done well.

As for the doll herself I'm just gonna keep her as is since her head can't be shrunken, she can't be rerooted and the sculpting is incredibly bad.

[disneydancepants]

More Disney Names, Villain Edition!

Oof, I think promised this a year ago. 😔

Well, it's finally here! At least? I'm sorry...

Just me though. Me are worm, worthless worm.

Let's goooo! Format will be a little different this time, though.

1.) Evil Queen (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)

The Evil Queen, mother of Evie, (second) fairest of them all... She actually has a canon name. If you remember my Disney Princess post, I revealed this for Snow White. While not in the movie, Evil Queen has long been known as Queen Grimhilde in various media. This is even confirmed in Sofia the First (I think season 4?). She is also occasionally called Evil Queen Ingrid, although this is less-canon. I like combining the two into: Queen Ingrid Grimhilde. It fits her.

Confirmed Canon, Outside Film.

2.) Lady Tremaine (Cinderella)

The Wicked Step-Mother, mother of Anastasia and Drizella... We don't actually hear her name in the film, but her daughters get announced at the ball using the surname Tremaine. We don't ever learn her first name. In the live action version, it is apparently Madonna Tremaine. There is a Nancy Tremaine in Enchanted as a nod to her, although she was neither wicked (outside of Elphaba, anyway) nor ultimately a stepmother in the end. I made up the name Lady Hellene Tremaine for her, mostly because I like how it sounds. Every other name at the ball is French, so the French form of Helen suits. It's got a nice "Hell" in there for her evilness, although that has nothing to do with the etymology of the name...

Half-Confirmed Canon in the movie, Half-Invented by me.

4.) Captain Hook (Peter Pan)

Everybody knows his name. In the book, he's Jas. Hook. I don't know why it was so hard to write two more letters, but Captain James Hook of the Jolly Roger is his full name.

Confirmed Canon in the Film and original story.

3.) Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)

The Mistress of All Evil, who unleashed All the Powers of Hell! The Evilest Villain! The Evil Fairy who can transform into a friggin DRAGON! We only really know her by one name, like Cher. Disney Villains: The Top Secret Files says her full name is Maleficent Fae/Maleficent Fairy or something like that. But that's lame. I'm not calling my Sims that.

Instead, I came up with two. I like the sound better of Maleficent Infernalis, which means "hellish". But from an etymological stand-point, Maleficent Gehennalis of the Forbidden Mountain work better (unlike Infernalis, Gehennalis also translates to "From Hell"). Ugh... Maleficent Infernalis just sounds better though...

Not Canon. I made it up.

5.) Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians)

Yeah, so... They straight up say it the whole movie. Bonus though: Horace and Jasper are the Badun Brothers. I never knew they were even related when I was growing up, but that's canon. Cruella De Vil.

Canon in Film.

6.) The Horned King (The Black Cauldron)

Man, this dude... This dude... He has no other name in the movie. In the books, you have to know his true name to be able to defeat him. So you know what the author does? A character yells something indistinguishable when he beats the Horned King. When asked about it later, he gives the cop-out of "Oh, I can't say it again! It's too horrible!"

Fuck off. Nobody has time for that garbage. But anyway, he's call Re Cornelius in Italian or something because the translation for "Horned King" is slang for "The Cuckold King", allegedly. So he's King Cornelius over there. Interestingly, that sounds like the name of an old horned god he may have been modeled after: Cernunnos. So I'm calling this dude Cernunnos of Annuvin.

Sorta Invented, sorta pieced together from canon sources. It's iffy.

7.) Ursula (The Little Mermaid)

Nothing canon is given for our Mer-Octo-Not-A-Mom. In original drafts, she was supposed to be the banished sister of King Triton, but that was thrown out. The sequel makes that extra non-canon by giving her an avenging sister. So... What's her name? What's her name?

I was originally going to go with Ursula Cecaelia. A Cecaelia is the mythological name for a half-human, half-octopus being. But then I discovered that Ursula was heavily modelled after drag icon Divine. To the point that she might have voiced Ursula if she hadn't died before production. So in honor of Ursula's inspiration, I dub her Ursula Divinia.

Made it up based on pre-production sources. Not Canon.

8.) Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)

Noooo oooone... Makes this easy as Gaston! Except maybe Cruella De Vil. But Gaston has a canon name, and it's Gaston LeGume. Because the dude is a total goomer. It's supposed to be a pun off legume/a peanut. Probably because he's book-dumb. Aww, opposites attract! At least from Gaston's direction.

If only they had given us LeFou's full name too!

Confirmed Canon by production crew, but not in the film itself.

9.) Jafar (Aladdin)

So, bouncing off the research I tried to do for Aladdin and Jasmine... This guy was much harder. We know nothing about his parents, his family, his origins... Not even really in deleted material. So I went with a title surname. Jafar al-Wazir or literally Jafar the Vizier. He has a dubiously canon sister named Nasira who tries to avenge him in a video game, but she's not given any more name info either. So...

Not Canon, but built from the little canon material I could scrounge.

10.) Governor Ratcliffe (Pocahontas)

Okay, so... I'm gonna be honest: I can't remember if this is given in the movie or if it's the historical guy's name. But he's Governor John Ratcliffe. Lots of Johns back then, huh? IMO, the real life Ratcliffe doesn't sound like a bad person. I feel like they slapped the name Ratcliffe onto 90% of the real John Smith's character. Fun fact: Ratcliffe and his man-servant Percy are both voiced by David Ogden Stiers, of M*A*S*H fame. He also did the voices of Cogsworth and Idiot Scientist Jumba.

Confirmed Canon.

11.) Judge Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

This guy might be the most evil Disney Villain. And... This movie isn't very PC, huh? I get it's based on an old book, but we're not supposed to say "hunchback" or "gypsy" anymore. At least they were the good guys though, right?

Anyway... His name is Judge Claude Frollo. Sorry Maleficent, but this guy is the real actual worst.

Confirmed super canon.

12.) Hades (Hercules)

Yes indeed. This guy had nothing canon beyond "Hades, God of the Underworld" in the movie. So I had to look to his mythological counterpart (who, unlike Disney's version, isn't the Christian Devil. But had to twist Zeus into the good guy somehow!) Could have gone with Pluto or all kinds of things, but I liked his Greek epithet Hades Erebios. Besides also being called Hades, the Underworld was also called Erebos (from what I remember. My note-taking should have been better.) So Hades Erebios loosely should mean "Hades of the Underworld". I didn't like Hades Olympios because... The movie completely excludes Hades from the Gods of Olympus. He doesn't even get to glow like they all do!

Not Confirmed Canon, but based on mythology.

13.) Shan Yu (Mulan)

Maybe I should have gone with his name from the live-action version. "Shan Yu" is derived from... I think it was the Hun word for "leader"? But it's based on a historical title, and thus... Not really a proper name.

But the movie treats it like one. They also named the cricket Cri-Kee, so this was probably a nerdy inside joke. I can get on board with that. So it's just Shan Yu. The glorious Tiger-Man.

Confirmed Canon, right in the movie.

14.) Clayton (Tarzan)

I remember reading that in the book(s), Clayton is something like Tarzan's cousin. And he doesn't want Tarzan to return to Great Britain because he's the rightful heir to the fortune Clayton inherited. Disney didn't include any of that thought.

I don't remember if this is in the movie or just the books, but google tells me his full name is Mr. William Cecil Clayton.

Canon confirmed, somewhere.

15.) Yzma (Emperor's New Groove)

This one actually threw me off my groove. Kronk is the only character I could find any info on an actual full name. And since his is a Villains post and not a Minions/Henchmen... I have no idea for Yzma or Kuzco.

I'm blanking here. Couldn't find anything.

16.) Commander Rourke (Atlantis: The Lost Empire)

Should I have spoiler tagged this? I'm lame and don't even know *how* to do a spoiler tag on tumblr. But this movie is old enough, right?

Anyway, full name is Commander Lyle Tiberius Rourke.

Confirmed Canon in the Film.

17.) Mor'du (Brave)

Uuuugh, the stupid chronological Disney Villain list I was following didn't include Brave. Of course. So now I have to redo all my numbers. Thanks, list!

This list's villain from the Other Studio is not given any name for his human form. Mor'du is only the name of his bear form, coming from Gaelic to mean "Black Giant" essentially. The Legend of Mor'du bears some slight resemblances to the historical account of Eirik Bloodaxe/Yryc Bloodaxe though, with him allegedly killing his half-brothers to gain political power. Eirik Bloodaxe was a Norwegian Viking King, but he was exiled and ruled Northumbria (Scotland) briefly before his death.

I like the comparisons, and maybe in Pixar Eirik made a deal with a witch to regain Norway? Yeah? Maybe? For that reason, I like something like Yryc Bloodaxe or Yryc Mor'du as his name.

Not Canon. At all.

18.) Doctor Facilier (The Princess and the Frog)

The Shadow Man! He's Got Friends On the Other Side! I was losing some steam here, but I'm back now with one of my favorite villains!

No official first name is given for Doc F, BUT! BUT! Dr. Facilier was inspired by real life voodoo priest Francois Duvalier, who also modeled his look after Baron Samedi. Plus, I love that alliteration of Dr. Francois Facilier! It just sounds right

Not Canon, but based on a character inspiration.

19.) Mother Gothel (Tangled)

Mother might know best when she's gaslighting a princess, but we don't know her first name. So I tried to make something up that fits her character and sounds a bit off from other characters (since she's an ancient de-aging witch). I ended up picking Narcissa Gothel. Half-spoilers for the TV show, but it also fits the Greek-named theme with her biological daughter. The Narcissist thing might be too on-the-nose, but... It does accurately fit her.

100% made up, Not Canon.

20.) Prince Hans (Frozen)

Sorry-Not-Sorry if this spoils Frozen, but... Who is reading this post and hasn't seen Frozen at this point?! And I still vividly remember saying "I don't trust this guy..." out loud after he got introduced the first time I saw it. True story.

Okay, but anyway: he's been revealed to be Prince Hans Westergaard of the Southern Isles. In my headcanon, he's also the returning Villain of Frozen 3. No redemption for you!

Confirmed very Canon outside the movie.

21.) Namaari (Raya and the Lost Dragon)

Last on my list... I don't even remember if I did Namaari alongside Raya in the previous list. I've stayed up way too late writing this. So if I did, here it is again. If I didn't... Here it is once.

Like Raya, the best we get is "Namaari of Fang". I'm sorry tired that I'm spacing... Crap, Namaari is from Fang, right? Not Talon?

Whichever it is, I google-translated the correct one. I think into Indonesian? It was back when I did the post with Raya. And then I added what Wikipedia told me was a South-Eastern Asian surname ending. The result was Princess Namaari Sitaring.

Not Canon, but I tried my best to accurately reflect her Clan name with a Kumandran flair.

Obviously this wasn't a complete list. I mostly focused on humanoid Villains who corresponded to my previous lists. Hope you enjoyed!

[chuckaf]

Chuck Fic Rec List: Updated

So my fic rec post was in my notifs again the other day, and I noticed a while back that the formatting on the post has gotten all messed up and it’s also had like three reblog additions to it anyway meaning there are three versions out there lol. so, I wanted to do another list of chuck fic recs! I’ll keep the other one up still, so I’m not gonna repeat every fic here, just some I really recommend. I’m also adding the fic summaries, which I didn’t on the old post, and some more of my own opinions so, buckle up for a long post!

Chuck Versus the Steampunk Chronicles | Steampunk.Chuckster

1896. A world powered by steam, where humans and machines coexist, and airships are the fashionable mode of transport. The US Empire's deepest and darkest secrets arrive at Chuck Bartowski's doorstep. Have they fallen into the wrong hands? Or will the inventor prove his mettle, even while he's forced to hide from the very people he's protecting? AU, ongoing chronicle, Charah.

A genuinely incredible AU story, with an entire crafted world and universe, so detailed it frequently blows my mind. There is heart and family and infuriatingly brilliant slow-burn, plus a buttload of danger and super fun historical/steampunk action. Oh how I LOVE it.

Chuck vs the Charade | somedeepmystery

When computer nerd Chuck Bartowski returns home to an empty apartment and a dead girlfriend he finds himself embroiled in a deadly game of espionage and deceit. Everyone around him is playing a part to get what they want and when he starts falling for the new woman in his life, he can't help but wonder if he can trust her or if she's the one he should fear the most.

An action and twist-filled AU based on the movie Charade, which is just such a brilliant fic concept I absolutely adored it from the start.

Two Sides of the Same Coin | dettiot

When you're a spy, there's all kinds of occupational hazards when you work with another spy. For Sarah Walker, though, one mission becomes a life-changing experience. Because working with Charles Carmichael leads to protecting Chuck Bartowski.

The first time I read this fic my mind was just blown to its genius. Such a brilliant interpretation of what the Intersect and its concepts set up in the show could be, and ooooof the Chuck/Sarah interactions, my HEART. Related to it, its companion piece:

A Flip of the Coin | dettiot

What made Charles Carmichael agree to become Chuck Bartowski? Well, to start, it wasn't as much of a change as you'd think. A companion to the early chapters of Two Sides of the Same Coin from Carmichael's perspective.

Chuck vs The Butterfly Effect | n7agentbartowski

Chuck Bartowski is a normal guy who just hit rock bottom. No girlfriend, no career and no super computer stuck inside his head. It isn't until Chuck meets a gorgeous stranger on the beach that he begins to think his life is about to change for the better. An AU Chuck fic without the Intersect. "Change one thing and it changes everything."

I said it on the OG post, but this story has one of my top 5 Chuck/Sarah fic meetings. So funny, so... very Chuck. The story is a little angsty overall, but a great read.

Chuck vs the Rogue Spy | Crumby

When a rogue spy from Chuck Bartowski's past shows up to help him during his first solo mission, Chuck hopes that he'll finally find out what happened to Sarah Walker. Post-S2 AU.

There’s a lot of Season 3 fix-it fics out there, which I don’t usually read bc I actually love season 3 lol, but this one’s a good one! A twisty deviation from canon, but still feels really true to character.

Chuck Versus the Nerds Rewrite | Steampunk.Chuckster and David Carner

What happens when two nerds talk endless hours about their favorite TV show? A new take on the show you know, but with the flair, twists, and turns you've come to expect from Steampunk . Chuckster and david . carner. Somewhat canon. Charah.

As the summary says, a different take on the show, which honestly makes a couple changes I would too, but also adds a bunch of fun twists and plots that make it totally new and fresh. Seeing Chuck and Sarah’s thoughts in the more canon sections is just delicious, too.

The Trapped Assassin | SarahsSupplyCloset

After a mission goes awry, the CIA's most lethal assassin is ordered to take vacation while her superiors figure out what to do with her. But when she meets a disarming tourist, their immediate connection only adds to her disillusionment with the agency and her career. Will he be enough for her to finally take the plunge and leave the only life she's ever known? Charah AU

A warning for the very justified M rating if you don’t like that sort of thing, but this is definitely a plot-heavy fic, too. A really neat Sarah-heavy AU, with a whole lotta Chuck/Sarah fancy French vacationy goodness.

Chuck vs the Second Chance | malamoo

AU from mid-season 2 and onwards. Chuck and Sarah part ways only to be reunited years later. COMPLETE.

Literal, crying-at-my-screen angst. Not even a super happy ending. But a brilliantly written, part-reflective/flashback fic, exploring what would’ve happened if Chuck and Sarah’s relationship really was an assignment all along-- and the aftermath. It’s heartbreaking. But if you want a little heartbreak, this is your fic.

Ready at Your Hand | dettiot

In the reign of Queen Elizabeth I, a Catholic plot against the queen comes to the attention of spymaster Sir Francis Walsingham. To protect Elizabeth, he develops an unusual plan: hide the passing of intelligence between two agents by a false romance. When Lady Sarah Walker and Chuck Carmichael meet, though, their pretend flirtation becomes much more.

I love Chuck fic for the very reason that it’s inspired such adventurous and totally unique AUs. Here’s some Elizabethan fake-dating Chuck and Sarah! They have to be so Proper, it’s like that hand moment from Pride and Prejudice but Elizabethan and times a billion. The pining!!

Sarah Versus Getting Married | Steampunk.Chuckster

Sarah Walker is getting married. Canon. Charah.

I’d recommend all of SC’s fics if I had the room, and I’m already recommending a ton sksks but most of my fic recs are AUs, and this one isn’t! It’s canon, and covers some of in the gap in 4x24, with Sarah just before the wedding itself. Super sweet, heart-tugging, brilliant.

A Chuckmas Carol | Mikki13

A new twist to Dickens' beloved "A Christmas Carol". When Sarah begins to shut out the world around her, three spirits come to show her the error of her ways. Season 3 AU.

Another Season 3 AU, this one written pre-series so it definitely doesn’t fit to canon, but it’s still wonderfully rich in character depth and angst and it also made me cry. Plus, festive!

Chuck Versus Thin Ice | Steampunk.Chuckster

On the doorstep of the Olympics, top American curler Sarah Walker has lost her mixed doubles partner and her boyfriend in one fell swoop. Her coaches throw newbie Team U.S.A. curler Chuck Bartowski onto her team and thrust them into the Olympics, hanging America's curling hopes on two people who only have a short amount of time to learn to trust one another. Charah AU.

Do you like curling? Or the Winter Olympics? It doesn’t really matter because somehow this fic made me extremely invested in both of those things, as well as Chuck and Sarah and them being INSUFFERABLE. Catch me now knowing a ton about curling thanks to this fic.

Walker’s Eleven | Moonlight Pilot

Not the same plot as the movie. Sarah Walker never got out of the con game or became a spy, and now she's on her final con. What happens when true love and betrayal get added to the mix? Twists, turns, and Jeffster!

Con!Sarah always interests me, and this fic is full of her. Lotta con plot, lotta Chuck and Sarah.

The Detective and the Tech Guy | thecharleses

Sarah Walker is a Pinkerton detective. Chuck Bartowski is an electronics genius. They wouldn't have met except for a case of mistaken identity and murder. Will the detective and the tech guy solve the mystery, distracted by the riddle in their own hearts? An homage to The Thin Man film series. Formerly co-written by Steampunk . Chuckster and dettiot, now ONLY Steampunk . Chuckster.

Everyone in this fic is so damn cool. There are so many martinis. But also great heart and family and like, standing up for who you love, and later also Chuck with Baby Clara content which frankly the show robbed us of. Also, PI!Sarah!!!

Gravity | Poetic4U

AU. Sarah makes a decision that altered her life forever.

This is just a one-shot, which many of these stories are not, so a good one if you don’t fancy a big read! Just because it’s short, though, doesn’t mean it’s lacking; a really awesome what-if AU, and heavy on the Chuck and Sarah.

A Yuletie Tale | Steampunk.Chuckster

Sarah Walker was dumped the day before Christmas Eve, and her Plus One at her work’s annual Christmas Eve Soiree is now officially a Plus Zero. Her best friend Ellie Bartowski has a solution to her problem, and Sarah finds she isn’t quite as sure about it as Ellie is. AU Christmas Charah.

I’m particularly in love with this fic because, instead of beginning with a meet-cute, it involves Chuck and Sarah already two years into a friendship-- Sarah is Ellie’s best friend. And she’s been crushing harrrd on Ellie’s brother. Also Chuck is in a tux. It’s pretty.

Set, Spike, Dive! | Frea O’Scanlin

Chuck never expected to even make it to the Olympics. Everything is working against him: he's too tall for a diver, too inexperienced for a medal, too much of a wildcard to really make his mark. But an unexpected meeting at the airport, some intriguing new friends, and a whirlwind romance on the sand just might set up London 2012 as the time of Chuck Bartowski's life.

A London 2012 AU, because why not. This is just a fun Olympic-y ride!

OTP (One True Pairing) Prompts | David Carner

A series of Prompts I found online about different times and places in Chuck and Sarah's life. Mostly AU, mostly one-shots. I assume mostly fluff, but I might get deep. I doubt it, it's me. Charah...ALWAYS (It says complete, but if an idea strikes me...)

If you’re not so into long stories, this fic is perfect. Individual set-ups and stories, all Chuck and Sarah, and all super cute. You could dip in and out and just pick a scenario you enjoy.

Chuck vs The Frontier | ninjaVanish

AU: Chuck was enjoying a simple life as a 19th century watchmaker until an encounter with a beautiful Secret Service agent thrust him into a world of intrigue and adventure he never wanted. But then, with Agent Walker around, it can't be all bad, can it?

This fic gets props for being historically-set but still including the Intersect. Again, a historical AU, so the pining!! the need to be Proper!!! But besides all that, there’s a lot of action fun as well.

Chuck Versus The Crosswalk: Remastered | WvonB

Will a last minute mission help our two favorite characters finally get together? This is the remastered version of my first story.

The original version of this fic is on my first list; this is the updated version! It’s not a complete AU, instead a story that diverges from canon, so if you’re more into canon characters and setting than a new AU scenario, this is a great fic for that.

Little Girls, Paper Wreaths, and Choc Chip Cookies | DanaPAH

Very AU: Sarah Walker is a single mother whose Christmas spirit needs a boost after a tough divorce. She isn't quite ready to go looking for romance, but her little daughter's affection for their new neighbor may lure it right to her doorstep, anyway.

An incredibly sweet AU one-shot where Chuck and Sarah are new neighbours, and Sarah has a super cute little girl. So much sweetness and love and hope. I love this fic so much it literally led me to write my own neighbour-kid-AU, so, not to toot my own horn but I’ll link it here anyway.

May Your Walls Know Joy | halfachance

Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they meet a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

It’s what the summary says; if you wanna read, feel free!

Chuck vs the Sound of Music | quistie64

AU. Chuck, nerd extraordinaire, is a man with seven children and Sarah must protect them all from Fulcrum's evil designs. Warning: there will be singing.

I mean. Not much mystery as to the concept with that title and summary lol, but this is a super fun, soft ride with a lotta sweetness, and yes, singing.

Just Two People | David Carner

Meet Sarah Walker PhD, Psychologist, specializing in personality traits. Meet Chuck Bartowski, man who has left THE electronic company of 2020. When Burton Consultants tries to figure out what is wrong with the morale of Orion Industries, what happens when a guy named Chuck meets a woman named Sarah. I'll give you a hint, it's me writing.

David’s done something pretty special with this fic. It’s Chuck and Sarah centric, but very much an ensemble piece, too, with a lot of Team Bartowski and other familiar faces throughout.

Chuck Versus the Con Game | Steampunk.Chuckster

AU. Chuck and Sarah are partners in the con game. It's an existence wrought with danger and violence. Every day could be their last. Every mission could be the end of the line.

This is where I freak out SC and declare this fic the reason I ever got hooked on Chuck fic and then wrote Chuck fic, and the reason I still love it today but. that is true lol. Just so. so good. It’s also written with the chapters out of chronological order, which is super fun from a reading perspective. But con!Sarah AND con!Chuck?? Best. The kind of fic you will be thinking about for days (if not, y’know, years).

As you can tell by the repeats, I highly recommend just about anything by Steampunk.Chuckster, dettiot, or David Carner, but there are a TON of amazing Chuck fics and authors out there. I’ve never known a writing community so wildly creative-- there are so many unique AUs and canon explorations and story concepts that this show has manifested, and it’s all so much fun.

Most of the Chuck fic community is still over on FFN rather than AO3, so if any of these whet your appetite, feel free to have a browse there for more stories. I’m sure you’ll find something great. Personally, all the incredible writing there has also led me to write a buttload; I’m at halfachance on FFN, so if you see any of my stuff or wanna chat fic, feel free to message me there or here.

Happy reading, folks!

[thefudge]

Do you have any Romanian (language or just content-wise) media recs? Particularly novels and poetry but really any must-sees/must-reads are welcome!

uuuu! 

my brain is too fried right now to do any kind of exhaustive list so i’m gonna rec a few things that i know you could get your hands on/available in translation:

for two thousand years, by mihail sebastian - really heartbreaking yet also lucid, adventurous and darkly humorous memoir of a Jewish writer in his youth at the height of nazism in romania (there’s even a Penguin classic of it)

diary of a short-sighted adolescent by mircea eliade - a funny and bittersweet bildungsroman about a bookish teenager who wants to read everything now and be the cleverest person alive while also struggling with being super lazy and unmotivated because he’s young and restless, it’s very #relatable. but it’s also fascinating to read this in opposition with “for two thousand years” because eliade entertained legionnaire nazi sympathies at one point. (also, you should check out his novellas too, especially the fantastic ones)

anything you can find in translation by gabriela adamesteanu - just lovely, delicate prose about growing up, being an adult, inhabiting your body and your feelings in an oppressive world 

the hatchet by mihail sadoveanu (apparently, there is a translation) - a lot of people give this novel flak, mostly because we had to read it in high school, but it’s a great and deceptively simple little novel that says a lot more about people than it cares to admit. the action takes you through several villages in the East-Carpathians, where a peasant woman goes in search of her missing husband. it’s a fascinating mixture of crime and folklore and mythology. 

any novella by costache negruzzi, but especially “alexandru lapusneanu”, another classic we had to read in school and which gets a lot of flak. it’s so bonkers and #quality-trash. let’s just say there’s a scene where the power-hungry voievod/prince lapusneanu enacts a red-wedding situation and builds a pyramid of freshly severed heads to impress his lady wife *swoon* 

the forest of the hanged by liviu rebreanu - i know people argue this isn’t his best novel, but it’s got the most heart. it’s the story of a soldier/philosopher in WW1 who falls in love with people again. that’s it. he falls in love with people, and the war and everything in between doesn’t matter anymore. or it matters only as it pertains to people, and people alone. 

gallants of the old court by mateiu caragiale - a bizarre gem of early 20th century Romanian nightlife, a wonderful, orgiastic fugue, feverish and infuriating. it’s mostly about rich men and social-climbers getting into existential trouble, but also into real trouble. normally, because the action takes place right before WW1, this would signify the end of an era. but we don’t really have a beginning or end. we are part-balkan, part-french imitators, part-whatever-sticks. nothing moves us, and everything does. and that’s why it’s a sort of love/hate letter to romanians 

in terms of poetry, some personal faves:  nichita stanescu, ana blandiana, monica pillat, marin sorescu,  a.e. baconsky, lucian blaga, emil brumaru, nora iuga, marta petreu, nina cassian. and yes, mihai eminescu, our national poet, though i’m often in two minds about him.  

poetry in translation is really hit and miss because of the “untranslatable”, so here’s two lines from a poem by nina cassian, because i want to show you what i mean:

            De când m-ai părăsit mă fac tot mai frumoasă             ca hoitul luminând în întuneric. 

this roughly and poetically translates to:

      ��   Since you left me I’ve grown more beautiful

           like the corpse lighting the dark 

and this is sort of lovely on its own, but you’d need to know and hear and taste the word “hoit” in romanian to really feel the abjectness, because “hoit” is a smelly, ugly yet also alluring, already decomposing version of “cadavru” aka cadaver/corpse. also “ mă fac tot mai frumoasă” cannot be accurately summed up in “i’ve grown more beautiful”. a literal translation would be “I make myself more beautiful”. in romanian, this is obviously idiomatic and not literal. and yet, these strange self-reflexive valences make these lines strong and eerie, as if the speaker were authoring her beauty, shaping it out of clay and darkness and “hoit”,  like a butterfly cracking the corpse’s shell to get out, but also retaining some of its mesmerizing stench. why did i pause to do a close-reading of romanian poetry??? anyway, you catch my drift

in terms of movies, a recent one i really loved was sierranevada by cristi puiu, which is a neurotic family drama that drains you but also lifts you up 

and yeah, the hype is real, 4 months, 3 weeks and 2 days by cristi mungiu really is that good (about two young women trying to get an illegal abortion in communist romania. it won the palme d’or for very legit reasons. it breaks you in small ways. the very last shot of the film you’ll carry with you forever). i also liked graduation by cristi mungiu, where a young overachieving girl is about to graduate high school and go on to study abroad, until a terrible event unmoors both her and her family. the movie turns almost hallucinatory at one point, filled with ambiguity and a kind of sleep-walking quality 

tales from the golden age by cristi mungiu (him again!) is also fantastic for anyone who wants to get a taste of communist romania and the sad-funny absurdities of everyday life. this movie is split in 2 parts and the format is that of an anthology, almost like watching several short films at once. and there is one film in the anthology that always turns me inside out, and it’s really silly, it’s this bonnie and clyde type story about this girl and boy who meet at a party and devise an ingenious get-rich scam and just run around a few neighborhoods trying to put it into practice and it’s...the sweetest, most incomplete thing. there is such a strange, lovely connection there that never gets realized, and there is a MOMENT between them where he helps her step down from this ledge and he holds her briefly to him and i remember being in the cinema and thinking THIS, this is THE MOMENT where i felt these people were real. it was such an honest, lovely moment. like the equivalent of this song. ANYWAY, why am i rambling so much??? this ask was supposed to be SHORT. 

aferim! by radu jude is also a really neat movie and provides a look into the historical romanian/rroma relationship and why it’s so messed up, yet also so organic

the death of mr. lazarescu by cristi puiu is also a great little film about a man who gets sick and goes to the hospital. and...dies, as you can tell from the title. on the surface, he dies because of institutional ineptness and a broken healthcare system. at a deeper level, he dies because we no longer know how to help people. various hospital staff in the film do try to help him and fail for various stupid or quietly heartbreaking reasons. it’s a movie about being physically unable to care. there’s indifference, sure, but also this great exhaustion of the human spirit. but the movie is also darkly funny. might not be a great pandemic watch, but then again it might be exactly what you need 

there are soooo many other classics in terms of books (morometii by marin preda, for instance, about a patriarch in a small village in the South who slowly realizes the world he used to live in doesn’t have room for him anymore, and maybe it never had) but i’m gonna end on a quote from ion creanga, one of the most cryptic classics of romanian lit:

“Şi eu eram vesel ca vremea cea mai bună şi şturlubatic şi copilăros ca vântul în tulburea sa”

my translation: “and I was cheerful like the best weather and frolicsome and childish like the wind in its cloudiness” 

and again, the words in romanian and their particular sound and bite (”şturlubatic”, “tulburea”) immediately take me elsewhere. creanga writes about childhood, but it’s never really childhood. he writes as an adult who, in my opinion, was never really a child, but a weird, small god of the land. i mean the word “tulburea” can mean both “turmoil” and “muddiness”. the wind can be anguished, but also just a little cloudy, just a little hazy, shrinking its agony, howling it in the child. it’s eerie and gorgeous. so, that’s what he does: creanga writes about children as if they were wind-like spirits. he writes stories about devils and the peasants who trick them and school books filled with spit and flies, and warm eggs stolen from nests and fairy-tales of a world that is buried somewhere inside us, but not too deep, things hidden under our clothes or nails or even in our hair. and it’s all so physical and convoluted, just like his prose. and i don’t think anyone will ever make sense of him and that’s what makes him so discombobulatingly great.

anyway, this was supposed to be...like, really short! and not gassy! i’m sorry. i love waxing about all this gay stuff. i’m so gay about it. 

realistically tho, the nearest thing you’ll find in your local bookshop is probably books by famous ‘theater of the absurd’ playwright, eugen ionesco, or novels in translation by contemporary author mircea cartarescu. both are pretty good, so go for it! (if you want to start small, i’d recommend REM by mircea cartarescu, because it’s so trippy and meta and captures that summer holiday eeriness so well. it goes well with this romanian song sung in english)

okay byeeeee 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Yes. I took this adulthood and aging psychology class and I forget what it was exactly the documentary we had to watch was about, but I remember being on the verge of tears because it reminded me of my grandpa who passed away. 

What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? Uhh, I don’t know? Just whenever I fall asleep.

What is you favorite type of lunch meat? Turkey, salami, and bologna.

What time of the year do you dislike the most? Summertime. 

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? Ew, no. 

What is your favorite color to wear? Black.

Are you an overachiever? No. Especially not these past few years where I haven’t done anything at all and put like no effort into anything. :/ At least when I was in school and things were better than how they’ve been the past few years I was productive in school and put effort into things and into myself. I’ve just given up. 

What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Perfect teeth.

What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry? Uh, I definitely don’t want to marry Bambi... anyway, I’d say one of the characters Alexander Skarsgard has played.

How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? I don’t know, a couple weeks or so.

Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? Ha, yeah, when I was like 16 during my emo days. They’re so cringe.

What is your favorite thing about your life? My family.

Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? No.

How many real bfs/gfs have you had? I honestly haven’t had a real, serious relationship.

Did you enjoy your past relationships? With Joseph I did.

Name a comedy that you like. Bridesmaids.

Could you wait until marriage for sex? Yeah, but I don’t plan on getting married.

What’s the best Nirvana song? Lithium.

What was the last thing that impressed you? Hmm. I don’t recall.

When was the last time you were in a pet store? It’s been awhile.

What nationality is your last name? Irish, I think.

What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? Wavy Lay’s chips with ranch and French onion dip.

Who was the last boy that you saw cry? My brother.

Does your mom know you do surveys? I don’t think so.

Have you ever had a serious injury? Yeah, the one that made me a paraplegic.

What was the last thing you achieved? Uhhh.

Would you enjoy being famous? I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to be famous.

What’s under your bed? Some medical supplies.

Do you enjoy travelling? Yes.

Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? I was in a couple clubs in high school and the psych club in community college.

When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? It’s been a very long time.

Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? Hmm, I don’t recall. I might have.

Do you have a clock in your room? Yes, apart from the ones on my laptop, TV and phone, I have an actual wall clock as well.

Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? I didn’t take driver’s ed.

Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Hmm. Probably Toxic, Slave 4 U, Boys, and Lucky.

Does mind over matter work for you? Sometimes.

Are you paranoid? I definitely can be.

What is the best thing about winter? Christmastime and the weather. I love that time of year.

Have you ever been truly in love? I think so.

Are you currently planning a trip? No, I wish.

How many plants are in your home? Zero.

What is your favorite possession? All my stuff.

Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? Yeah. I’ve been used and taken advantage of back in the day for being too nice.

What movies have tripped you out? There’s been a few.

Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? No.

Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? I’d like to say no, but I allowed Joseph to use and play me for 3 years, so. I knew deep down he didn’t feel the same way as I did and he didn’t want to be in a committed relationship with me, but I didn’t want to admit it. I liked the attention and the good times we had and I didn’t want to give that up. I would hope that now that I’m older and have experienced that I wouldn’t allow it to happen again. And yes, I had a friend who put up with a whole lot worse for that reason.

Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. I don’t want that floating around or existing at all out there.

Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? No.

What summertime treats do you love? Milkshakes and ice cream.

How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I mean, I have to be interested in the person and feel comfortable doing so.

What do you hate most about moving? The packing and unloading.

Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? I wouldn’t know.

Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? Just the Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

Has anyone ever whistled at you? Not that I know of.

Do you like scarves? No. I don’t like things around my neck like that, it drives me nuts.

Is your father homophobic? No.

Do you take gummy vitamins? No. I don’t take vitamins at all, currently, although I really should.

Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? No.

Who would you like to meet before you die? I mean, I certainly wouldn’t mind meeting Alexander Skarsgard.

If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? I don’t feel comfortable being nude when I’m just by myself, I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so publicly. Absolutely not.

What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? There’s been a lot, but of course I’m blanking at the moment. Most are pretty crazy, though.

If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die? I hope that  go to heaven.

Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? My loved ones. 

What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? Ugh, seems like just about anything can. I’m so irritable and moody all the time.

Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? Yeah, me.

Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? I loved Decode and Super Massive Blackhole. 

How old was the first person you kissed? He was 15 and I was 16.

Will you be a strict parent one day? I don’t want to have kids.

Last person to stand up for you? I don’t recall the last time I needed to be stood up for.

Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah, I’ve been to a few.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My mom and brother to see Candyman.

What’s your favorite high school memory? I liked the rallies and some of the assemblies.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? Being single is best for me.

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? I don’t know. I’m such a scardy cat.

What subject at school did you absolutely hate? Math.

Italian food or Chinese food? Italian.

Do you like to make flash cards when you study? That wasn’t my usual study method, no. I preferred taking notes.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? Ha, uh no.

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? I only watched those when they were shown in some of my college classes or was assigned to for homework. I’ve never watched any on my own.

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. I don’t feel that way about anyone.

What do you think about Marilyn Manson? I have nothing to say about him tbh. <<<

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? I didn’t get into trouble.

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? No.

Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? I don’t care.

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? Yeah, I got all 4.

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No.

Jalapeños: yay or nay? I loved jalapenos back when I could eat spicy food. Jalapeno poppers were bomb.

Did you ever play Minecraft? No.

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? Yeah.

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Ha, yeah. 

What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? I’m the victim of gun violence that made me a paraplegic at just 7 months old.

What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people and sick, perverted assholes.

If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? There’s a lot I’d like to change. 

Describe your first relationship? It wasn’t much of one but we had the title, ha. It also only lasted a few months.

Describe your last relationship? He used and played me and then kicked me to the curb when he was done.

Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? I’m a virgin, but I absolutely would practice safe sex. That’s very important. 

Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? You just really feel, connect, and relate to certain things, like the characters and/or plot line and it has some kind of effect on you.

What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? Hopefully something good.

Do you feel protective over someone? My loved ones.

What perfume/cologne do you wear? I’ve been wearing this beachy scented body spray. I need to get a new one for fall.

Where did your vehicle come from? I don’t have my own car, I don’t drive.

What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? I’m totally blanking.

What is your favorite way to eat chicken? Boneless chicken wings and chicken tenders.

It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: White with buttercream frosting.

What do you wear to bed? What I wear during the day, which is either lounge shorts or leggings and an oversized tee or t-shirt dress.

What were you doing at 8pm last night? I was eating dinner and watching Gilmore Girls.

[365days365movies]

February 22, 2021: Pillow Talk (1959)(Part 1)

Y’know, I actually do like Doris Day.

She’s funny, she’s talented, and she’s a timeless beauty that I remember very well. TOO well. You guys ever have that one thing that your parents crammed down your throat SO MUCH that you got sick of it? Well, that’s what my Mom did with The Thrill of it All.

Which is, for the record, a cute movie, and one worth watching again at some point. But I’m gonna ease my way into that with Doris Day and Rock Hudson’s first movie, 1959′s Pillow Talk. 

However, while I’m not stranger to Doris Day, I’m afraid that I don’t know too much about Rock Hudson from experience. Well, there is one interesting tidbit about him: Hudson was one of the biggest stars of the ‘50s and ‘60s, and his career continued up until his death in 1985...from AIDS-related complications.

Yeah, Rock Hudson was one of the biggest gay celebrities in Hollywood, although he never publicly came out. However, it was somewhat of an open secret in the community at large, and basically all of his female co-stars know about it. 

And said secret was revealed posthumously, after his tragic death during the height of the AIDS crisis. He was by far one of the most high-profile deaths during this time period, and you’d think that would’ve caused more waves about the AIDS-crisis, considering that he was good friends with...well...another actor.

Yeaaaaaaaaah, not gonna get into Reagan and ALL OF THAT SHIT here. This here is a movie blog, not a political blog! But, uh, yeah, a LOT of fucked-up shit about Reagan and the AIDS crisis, obviously, and part of it was Rock Hudson. So, yeah, it’s something that I wanted to address before we got into this whole shindig.

Because, again, I’ve never seen a Rock Hudson movie, but dude was a pretty huge deal, and this was a part of his life that I felt it unfair not to at least acknowledge. SO, with that out of the way, let’s have a little Pillow Talk. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

We start with that might be one of my favorite opening sequences so far this month, which you can see above. From there, Jan Morrow (Doris Day) wakes up, humming the theme song from the credits, which is clever, considering that she sang it! Talented lady, seriously.

Jan wakes up and goes to the phone, intending to make a call. However, this is where we get a pretty stark cultural difference, and a needed history lesson for some of us, me included. See, Jan’s phone line is actually a party line, seen through this neat little visual edit.

See, this is what’s called a “party line”. From the 1870s onwards, there was a shortage of available phone lines. By the time you get to the ‘60s, more and more people had personal phones in their households, but without enough lines to go around. And so, some people were forced to share their phone lines with others, hence the party line system!

Here’s the thing, though: if somebody was on the line already, anyone else on that line could hear the conversation of other people. Which is exactly what’s pissing of Jan right now, as she needs to make a call, but the line is being used by her party line partner, songwriter Brad Allen, who’s serenading his girlfriend (?) Eileen (Valerie Allen). Not sure that they’re actually dating, but Eileen definitely wants to.

After Jan’s insistence, they get off the phone, and Jan’s able to begin her busy morning at last. Well...almost. Brad’s now talking to Yvette (Jacqueline Beer), and she wants him to sing HER song to her, which is LITERALLY just the Eileen song with a different name and in French! Which is...hilarious. It’s very funny, not gonna lie.

Once again, Jan tells him to get off the party line, and hangs up angrily. She leaves just as her cleaner woman, Alma (Thelma Ritter) arrives, fresh off of a hangover. Jan goes to try and get a line of her own, and the manager, Mr. Conrad (Hayden Rorke) makes a WEIRDLY sexist comment about jumping to the top of the list if she were pregnant. Which, yeah...weird.

Anyway, Jan, in her frustration, tells Mr. Conrad that she’s hired of sharing the line by a “sex maniac.” Mr. Conrad asks for specifics, and is AGAIN WEIRDLY SEXIST ABOUT IT. He asks if his dalliances with other women disturb her in particular. But yeah, he also says that if he is indeed a “sex maniac,” they may need to disconnect him altogether. Which has...uncomfortable undertones all on its own, but whatever, moving on.

On her way to work, Jan’s friend Jonathan Forbes (Tony Randall) shows up to bring her a STRAIGHT-UP CAR, holy shit! He’s doing so to thank her for decorating his offices (she’s an interior decorator, he’s a car dealership owner, so...fair exchange?). She insists that it’s too personal, which confuses him, as it isn’t perfume or lingerie.

But, uh, dude? IT’S A WHOLE-ASS CAR!!! Look, I’m with her on this one, don’t just give me a fuckin’ car out of the blue! I don’t care what the reason is, tell me that shit first! And Jonathan is CLEARLY trying to make it just a little more personal, if you get my meaning.

Jan finally arrives at her office, owned by Mr. Pierot (Marcel Dalio), and she tells him that an inspector has been sent to look after Mr. Allen. This inspector is Miss Dickenson (Karen Norris), and being of the wimmins, is immediately entranced by the apparently irresistible Mr. Allen, sabotaging any attempt at inspection.

The next morning, the inspector’s report comes through, and Miss Dickinson has of course cleared him of all charges. He calls her, and the two clash in a way that definitely means they’ll never, ever, ever fall in love, no sir, not these two, not a CHANCE IN HELL

They agree to make a schedule for using the phone, and Brad accuses Jan of being jealous of his free-wheeling, bed-hopping lifestyle, which she takes great offese to. But after they hang up, she thinks on the idea of having bedroom problems. Looks like Jonathan wants to fix that, on account of being the THIRSTIEST MAN ALIVE.

Dude has three three ex-wives, all of which were revolts against his mother, for which he’s seeing a psychiatrist.

...CHRIST, the man’s a walking-talking red flag. Jan also says that she doesn’t love him, like...AT THE FUCK ALL, and the man just straight-up says, “How do you know, we’ve never even kissed.” Ai which point, any normal person would see the phantom neckbeard and whip out the fuckin’ bear mace, but Jan just lets him lean in for the goddamn kiss!!!

Jan...standards, Jan. My God. Anyway, she still turns him down, he asks her to get married again, and she leaves. For God’s sakes, man. Anyway, she goes home, where Alma’s listening to Brad serenade a girl over the party line. Jan notes the time, and tells him to get off the line. He calls back, and tells her off.

Brad gets a visitor: his old college friend FUCKIN’ JONATHAN AGAIN. He bemoans being a millionaire (po’ babyyyyy), then reveals that he’s pining over Jan, whom he doesn’t know is the person on the party line with Brad. He hears a good amount of information about Jan from Jonathan.

After the conversation, Brad tries to somewhat reconcile with Jan, but she doesn’t have any interest in doing so. That night, the two have separate affairs. Brad meets up with a woman named Marie, and  serenades her with the same goddamn song from earlier, that suave motherfucker. Dude flips a switch, and the door fuckin’ LOCKS! Jesus, state-of-the-art hook-up tech of 1959.

Meanwhile Jan is attending a dinner held by an extremely client, Mrs. Walters (Lee Patrick). Needing to get home, she has her son Tony (Nick Adams) give her a ride. But on the way home, they stop and WHAT THE FUCK TONY??? I actually can’t find a clip or GIF of this, so I’ll tell you...he is ALL THE FUCK OVER HER, and it’s GROSS. CAN WE PLEASE STOP SEMI-RAPING DORIS DAY? WHAT THE FUCK, IN NO WAY IS WHAT I JUST WATCHED OK, HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Like...wow, that was the most uncomfortable I’ve felt watching a movie in a WHILE. And it’s not even because of the act itself, it’s because of how...OK it feels in the context of the film. Jan is BARELY upset by this slimy little weasely-faced rapey CREEP LITERALLY ASSAULTING HER IN THE FUCKING CAR. And in case you were wondering, yes! This film was written by FOUR MEN.

This is gross. Sorry, but this whole sequence is gross, and it gets even LONGER, because she AGREES TO GO GET A DRINK WITH HIM. WHY, JAN? STOP ENCOURAGING THIS BEHAVIOR. He tries to get her drunk (but ends up drunk himself), but she tries to leave. However, who should be sitting one table but Brad, who realizes who this is. Jan tries to leave, but Tony tries to get her to dance with him, AND SHE ONCE AGAIN AGREES, JAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!

And its during this time of distress for Brad that, OF COURSE, he finds himself extremely attracted to her. And since he knows who she is, but she doesn’t know him, he decides to fake his identity. And there we go, we’ve got a creepy-ass one-sided relationship set-up.

Meanwhile, lightweight Tony passes out on the floor, drunk as shit. Brad goes into help, putting on a take Texas accent and calling himself Rex Stetson. And OF FUCKING COURSE, she’s lost in his fuckin’ eyes. Damn those eyes, and his suave bullshit.

They shove Tony into a cab, then take his car, which appears to be too small for Brad, which makes sense, given the fact that Hudson was 6′4″, goddamn! The two take a cab, and the two reveal their mutual attraction to the audience, through their inner thoughts. Looks like all Jan needed for a relationship was handsome-ass Rock Hudson.

In her thoughts, she thinks on how honest and down-to-earth Rex Stetson seems, unlike “monsters” like Tony and Brad Allen. And OF COURSE this is how we get this started. OF GODDAMN COURSE this is how we start this relationship. Liar revealed, LIAR REVEALED, I FUCKIN’ HATE THAT GODDAMN TROPE SO MUCH

Soon after “Rex” takes her home, he goes home herself, and gives her a call, inviting her to dinner the following night. She accepts. Then, in the middle of the call, Brad pretends to pick up the line as himself, in order to set up the two identities as being separate...this is reverse You’ve Got Mail, isn’t it?

Think about it. Two people that hate each other, and they’ve never seen one another, but also love each other after meeting in person. IT’S THE OPPOSITE OF YOU’VE GOT MAIL. Ugh. Fine. Even down to the fact that he has a sizeable advantage over her, due to his full knowledge of the situation. He even tries to use his identity as Brad Allen to set-up their date the next night for success.

And it works, goddamn. A clever yet manipulative asshole, this dude is. They get on a horse and carriage, and we hear the inner thoughts of Jan, Brad, and the dude who owns the horse. And, yeah...it’s funny. The two go to dinner, where Jonathan shortly arrives. Brad gets him out of there with...mildly fatphobic means, but it is the 1950s, so things were just kinda...entirely that.

But in any case, Brad gets away with it, and he and Jan spend a hell of a lot of time together going all around the city. And the whole time, he’s playing the role of “Rex.” Ugh. This is a good halfway point, so let’s go to Part 2 here! See you there!

[prosopopeya]

New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go?  food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:  i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s. 

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

[msiconoclast]

Again - Chapter 1

Pairing: Jaebeom x Reader

Genre: romance, angst

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary:  Lim Jaebeom was the single most significant part of your college experience.  A chance encounter brings you together again many years later when you’ve both settled into your careers (Jaebeom is a music producer and Y/N is a journalist).  As you take a walk down memory lane, you reflect on your understanding of love and its many trials.  Some loves are meant to make you grow, and some are meant to help you heal.   And some are destined to be both.

A/N: Whew, this took longer than I expected.  Enjoy!  Read the prologue first if you haven’t yet: Again - Prologue

-----------------------------------------------------

Lim Jaebeom first showed up in your life the summer after sophomore year.  You were nineteen at the time and life was still full of glorious possibilities. 

Before you learned his name, he had been "hoodie guy from film class". 

Hoodie guy almost always showed up to class late, often with dark circles under his eyes that looked like they'd been there for days.  His usual attire of oversized hoodie, shorts, and sandals suggested that he'd probably just rolled out of bed and come straight to class.  He would inevitably fall asleep in the back row and start snoring at some point during lecture.  You had to physically move to the front just to block out the noise and catch what the prof was saying.

Yet somehow, he managed to be the professor's favorite student.  

The thing is, when he wasn't nodding off, hoodie guy was apparently Ebert incarnate.  He was usually quiet but whenever the class discussion came to a halt, he would always make a comment that somehow managed to cut straight to the heart of the film.  The class would give collective pause over his flash of brilliance and then resume in excited debate in a new enlightened direction.  On the few occasions when the professor decided to read out excerpts from written assignments, you knew.....you just knew that they were always from hoodie guy's papers by the smirk on his face.

In other words....the guy was annoying as hell.

Look, you loved movies and film class was sacred.  It was one of the few classes you actually enjoyed outside of your major.  How dare this guy just waltz into class in his pajamas and proceed to wax philosophical on “French New Wave” while the rest of you barely understood what the films were trying to convey?  Was he some kind of silver screen idiot savant?  More importantly, why was he trying to ruin the curve for everyone?!

Needless to say, by the time the semester ended, you were more than done with hoodie guy’s antics.  If you were to never see him again, that would be absolutely perfect.

Life, unfortunately, had other plans for you.

As spring eased into summer, you decided to take a job at Joe's on Third to supplement your non-paid internship at the local paper.  Joe's was your home away from home as a student.  Cozy and airy, it had the perfect ambiance and was never too packed.  As a bonus, they served a mean grilled cheese among a small menu of comfort food classics and you would get fed every day you worked there.  It was going to be tough balancing the two jobs but all things considered, it wasn’t a bad deal at all.

When you showed up at seven for your first day at Joe's, the place was still empty.  The only sound came from behind the counter where someone was grinding coffee beans.  A tall figure with an enviable head of hair was rustling around getting the goods ready before the morning rush.  As you got closer, you noticed that he had more than a few piercings, one in particular under his right eye.  You never really found facial piercings to be attractive on men but there was something oddly intriguing about the look on him.  It gave him an air of nonchalance.  A rebel without a cause.

He was so concentrated on his tasks that he didn't notice you until you tapped on the counter in front of him.

"Shit....oh...."  It took him a moment to collect his thoughts until a look of recognition registered in his face.  "You’re Y/N?  I'm Jaebeom.  Call me JB.  Joe said I'm supposed to set you up on your first day."  

Hoodie Guy?

The second he opened his mouth, it dawned on you that this was no stranger.  Though you never cared to study his face, you had memorized hoodie guy's voice by heart.  And while this clean shaven, well dressed man in front of you looked nothing like the guy who always buried his face in his hoodies, the voice was unmistakable.    

"Intro to World Cinema.  Were you the one who got the only A in class??"

Confused, he raised his eyebrows and tried again.  "Uh, I'm supposed to get you trained on your first day and make sure you can..."

"I'm asking if you were in Intro to World Cinema last semester?  Didn't you always wear a hoodie to class and nap in the back row?  Were you the jerk who ruined the curve for everyone and got the only A on the final paper?

He stared at you as if you were nuts.  But you didn't really expect him to protest innocence.

"I was in that class too and would've gotten an A if it weren't for you!  Instead I got a B+.  First B+ in two years of school!!"  The words flew out of your mouth before you could catch yourself.  Oh, you knew it was petty but your indignation had been brewing for weeks.

He squinted his eyes and continued to stare at you.

Ding! 

Somewhere in the back, a toaster went off.  This seemed to snap him out of his trance and you watched as confusion dissolved into amusement on his face. 

He cleared his throat: "Well...Miss B+....we got twenty minutes until open.  If you want to keep this job, I suggest you get going and put all the baked goods out." 

Not waiting for you to respond, he turned towards the kitchen. 

Just before disappearing into the back, he suddenly swung around and grinned`: "Yeah, I got the A.  And you were the girl with the pencil hair bun who always sat in the front."

So he did recognize you.

Asshole.

The first week of your new job breezed by without much of a hitch.  You'd worked restaurant jobs before and a cafe was a piece of cake by comparison.  What surprised you was how efficient JB was at the job.  You just couldn't stitch together the image of him snoring in class with how professional he appeared at the cafe.  Not only was he efficient, he also seemed to be preternaturally friendly towards everyone who walked in.  Loud teenagers, moms with screaming babies, post-breakup girls drowning in their brownie-a-la-mode, he handled each and every one of them with calm and kindness.  Yet, you wouldn't exactly call him a "people person" since he never voluntarily took up small talk with anyone nor did he socialize much with the other staff.  It seemed that JB simply existed comfortably in the backdrop of the cafe’s inviting atmosphere and treated everyone with the same distant warmth.  

After the awkward initial encounter with JB, you maintained a precarious distance towards each other.  You were still reeling from the embarrassment of your outburst, and he must have decided to steer clear of stirring up the "crazy" in you again.  In fact, he treated you just like any other member of the staff, as if the incident never happened.  If anything, you two developed a satisfying partnership of sorts.  When the cafe was busy, you teamed up to keep the orders moving and the kitchen hot.  When there was a lull, you gave each other plenty of space.  You would work on your articles for the paper while he pranced around behind the counter scribbling down notes on little pieces of paper.

Mid-afternoons were usually the slowest at the cafe.  You savored these moments when time seemed to pass by as slowly as dust particles that swayed in the summer sun.  It gave you a strange sense of privacy even if you were sitting in a cafe full of people.   Sometimes, when you were feeling really wild, you'd stealthily switch the cafe jazz that droned on in the background to your favorite soundtracks.  None of the cafe patrons seemed to mind as long as it was something mellow.  The one person who did take note though was JB.  

"Is that 'Before Sunrise'?"   Um hum.

"That sounds like 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'?"  Yup.

"Oh, 'Midnight in Paris'.  The gypsy jazz is cool."   Totally...

Either this guy had seen every movie under the sun or you two just happened to have very similar tastes.  What was most curious was the fact that these were all movies that any other guy would scoff as “chick flicks”.   Not the type of entertainment that you’d expect a “rebel without a cause“ to seek out.

"So did you actually watch all of these movies?"  You had to ask him one afternoon.

"Hmm......yeah."  He waved one of the little pieces of paper he was scribbling on: "They help me with my songwriting.  I......heh, need inspiration and I like movies that provide different perspectives on the concept of love. "

So that's what he had been working on.  Song lyrics.  You weren’t entirely surprised since half of the population in LA were trying to make it in Entertainment in one way or another.

"Why do people write so many love songs anyways?  Loneliness is totally underrated."

"Because almost any emotion that music can express can be related to love.  It's universal." he said

"Yeah?  And what have you learned about love in all your movie-watching and song-writing experience?”

"The heart's not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love."

“Her”.  Nice..... another sentimental fool.

The best thing about working at Joe's was the weekly closing party.  Every Friday night, the staff would string up lights around the back patio and put on a little dance party while closing the cafe down.  It was an unspoken rule that whatever bottles of wine were open by the end of the week was a free for all for the party and the beer taps were open until dry.  Quite a nice little perk for the employees. 

You had always enjoyed yourself at these parties.  Most of the part time staff were kids who went to the same school, people you had seen around campus.  It was where the staff really got to know each other and sometimes, got their hands on each other.  And it didn't take long for everyone to get comfortable and really let loose.  It was also funny to see how people changed when they were drunk.  The shy introverted ones would surprisingly become super hyper while the normally outgoing ones often ended up bawling their eyes out in the corner by the end of the night.  Nothing short of human theater.

The first couple of times you'd joined, you were still careful not to drink too much.  You wanted to make a good impression and actually get to know everyone.  But by the fourth closing party, you were well on your way to earning the title of dancing queen.  See, alcohol also had an intriguing effect on you.  It helped you break out of your usually calm shell but it also had a tendency to make you more than a little flirty.  And on this particular night, you were definitely feeling the love. 

The theme for the night was 90s jams and you had been showing off your moves on top of one of the patio tables for the last 45 minutes.  But it was nearing midnight now and most people were either too drunk or too tired to be dancing and you were starting to feel the early signs of a crash yourself.  It was then the bass thumping hip hop switched over to a slow and smooth R&B song that you had never heard before.  There was something seductive about the way the singer cooed out the words.

"Girl it's only you

Have it your way

And if you want you can decide

And if you'll have me

I can provide everything that you desire

Said if you get a feeling

Feeling that I am feeling

Won't you come closer to me baby,

You've already got me right where you want me baby

I just want to be your man

How does it feel

How does it feel

Said I want to know how does it feel

How does it feel

How does it feel"

As you spun around on the table, you noticed a pair of gaze that fixed steadily on you as you swayed your hips slowly to the beat.  You couldn't make out the expression on his face but there was an intensity in his gaze that made your body heat up.  The thought that you had a captured audience turned you on and prompted you to run your hands across your body.  As you felt your body heat up more and more, you reached for the glass nearby and took out an ice cube.  You desperately needed to cool down.  Holding the ice cube in your mouth for a second, you then started to run it against your skin.  Trails of ice water trickled down your neck, your collarbone and pooled where your cleavage had shown through your shirt.  The song was pushing towards a crescendo and the singer's falsetto was ringing in your head.  It grew louder and louder until the lights started to spin. 

Dizziness took over.  Suddenly, you felt yourself lose your balance and stumble towards the ground.

Black.

And the next time you opened your eyes, a familiar face was just inches above you.  The owner of the gaze had his arms propped up beneath you while they supported your weight.

You could feel his breath on your face and for what seemed like an eternity, you simply stared at each other.

Finally, you ended the silence by flashing him the brightest smile you could muster and pointing at his nose: "I forgive you!!!...Hoodie guy!"

The corners of his mouth curved up. 

"You're pretty cute, B+."  He chuckled.

Previous      Next

[therealandian]

I Just Had the Stupidest Dream

Right. so. I’m going to try to write this down, but my God, this was ridiculous.

There were like. 3 different parts to it? so I’ll try to talk about them all separately.

The Beginning - On a Movie Set

So it started out with me on a movie set. i have no idea why i was there, just that i was. also Jonny Sims was VA’ing the MC? i went in and started singing drunk space pirate, but he didn’t seem to approve. so let’s just move on, because that was about it

The 1st Time - No Idea What This Film Is Supposed to Be

So Jonny just straight up disappeared and now i was the MC, which i guess makes sense because dream logic? anyway, there was a lot of color themes going on -- different colors related to different aspects of reality? pink was life, which was the only thing that actually made any sense because red was called INTERDITIUM which is just stupid and blue was even worse: FROMATOLOGY. green was perception or something, but it wasn’t called that and i really don’t know why.

anyway, the red chick - Victoria - is a badass and might have also been a cyborg? she’s vibing with some other color-coded people. blue and i think green? except the “plain” guy was supposed to become green later so idk. plain guy was named something super generic, but it surprisingly wasn’t any iteration of Jonathan. which is good, since that was Jonny’s character. i think the dude’s name was James Smith or something? idk. doesn’t really matter.

so this entire thing, they’re all running around a dystopic world that’s just. really shitty. and at some point, the goal became to help everyone find Jesus? except people really weren’t into that, and also there was a guy who was unironically color coded as black named Grimoire chasing us. he dressed like a mix between the black power ranger and the grim reaper. it was kinda weird. Grimoire was just trying to keep all the different colors in balance, though, and all of these people taking to them were getting superpowers and everything was ridiculous. he caught James at some point, but let him live because he wasn’t aligned at all and seemed to be a regular dude.

eventually they get to this other place, and REG SHOE of all people is there trying to spread the Jesus around in this place where literally everyone is stealing from each other and no one gives two shits. he’s giving up when James starts busting out a song in FRENCH. like, i speak french, but even I don’t know what he was saying. the vague concept was that Jesus saved his life, though? somewhere in the background, the theme from Ratatouille started playing, too. idek. except no one really cared, and James got super fed up  with it and ascended into becoming the avatar of the green aspect? i’ll get back to that in the 3rd act of this stupidity, because it happened again later and it was way funnier.

The 2nd Run-Through - Now Animated and Also Less Jesus?

the second version had significantly less Jesus. it was also animated, so i was watching parts of it every now and again while hearing Jonny’s actual voice instead of just. literally anything else.

this bit was much shorter, but it involved James at a university(?) instead of some dystopia, and also he was an animated little bean who wanted to learn more about the different aspects. 

at some point i was showing my parents the “trailer” (which wound up just being the movie??) and they said they’d watch it, even though my mom hates animated films...

also, at some point, James crashed the Millennium Falcon? i have no idea whatsoever as to what was happening.

The 3rd Version - DOGPOCALYPSE??? (ft. Carl Sagan)

so it all started over again kind of? except it was mostly just the scene of ascension again, and this time it was less fun but also a lot stupider. the first time James ascended, he became this freaky-looking Doodle Bob-type thing that you couldn’t tell if it was far away or right in front of you because its perspective was all weird. hence the whole perception thing for green ig? it kept coming toward me, and it was super weird.

the second ascension was like it was trying to recapture the first time but with significantly less success. this one involved James falling through a bunch of colors before eventually everything went green and a similar thing happened, but i guess i was actually a bit more lucid this time because it wasn’t nearly as fun.

so then some other character snaps James out of it, and he winds up crashing through and breaking a brick wall. and then everything starts to get a bit weird. did i mention that this entire time, we were concerned that Grimoire would reappear, but he never did? yeah. good times. we love characters that pop in, do one important thing, and then never come back.

anyway, everything suddenly starts spilling out of the room we’d all been in into the “Real World”. like. everything literally just started flying out. and at some point, i’m now showing some of my high school friends a journal with all this shit in it? i must’ve used so many glue sticks. entire page was covered in “debris”.

and then everything morphed into dogs.

literally doge was everywhere.

and then, to top it all off, the final page had a background of doge, some debris (bits of construction paper) scattered all over it, and an AWFUL, pixellated, blown-up image of CARL SAGAN on top of it.

the next few moments involved me, now partially lucid, trying to talk to my friends about it so i could remember some of what the hell happened here.

and that is my story. wild ride, that. i have no idea wtf was going on. but it happened.

[indie-struggle]

Emotion

I read a script the other day and it was flat. It hit all those famous plot points you hear about, but it was dull. It had nothing of interest, and I wondered why. The more I thought about it the more I realized that it was void of any authentic feeling, and it only had plot. I unconsciously rejected it based on that - being that I am an emotional animal that has experienced a broad range of emotions - and not just sunshine and farts.

This lead me to a thought: no wonder why I keep returning to those films I love.

One of which is Ordinary People. Since I first watched it some years ago, looking back, I'm unsure of how I came about that... maybe it was Alvin Sargent (the screenwriter), who I admire a lot. Anyhow, I keep coming back to it. I watch it maybe 10-20 times a year along with all this other stuff you wouldn't like. I've read the script, though, who knows what draft it was or what level of production it was in, but it still held the core of the story and its moral.

It really is a fantastic film - and made in 1980 to boot - which puts it in this strange place where I'm not sure how it was made. At that time, the action-adventure blockbuster came storming in with Jaws and Star Wars, and a lot of films flew under the radar due to that. But this wasn't ignored and, ironically, probably couldn't be made today. Who knows, maybe it's because Robert Redford's sexy ass could do whatever he wanted then...

The performances, though in certain areas are lacking (mostly from z-list bit actors), don't keep the story from being solid. There isn't one hole in it. Its - and sorry for spoiling 40 years later - structure isn’t melodramatic. The plot isn't pulling the characters along like movies you're used to, the characters are pulling the plot - extremely important difference. You never know where you're going except for the moment, and yet as we go further down the rabbit hole we become more gripped with this family and don't even realize it. Film wise, this is difficult to make on any level. This is also besides the point I wanted to talk about, which is much greater than just structure and planning, or production values and cinematography... I really need to stop drifting.

(the infamous exploding car)

I want to talk about relatability (is that a word?) of emotion. Because I think that's why I keep coming back to it. First off, this type of film is something you're more inclined to see from outside of the US post '70s. It's a piece of Americana but, almost, almost a slice of life film. Something the French, Italian and Russians specialize in: the inner lives of people and how it effects life around them, ultimately resulting in natural conditions, or an ending that has no place else to go, because that's life. Its only alternative is to have a glimpse of hope. Ordinary People ends with that alternative, because this is fucking America.

(I've written about slice-of-life before: https://indie-struggle.tumblr.com/post/172373896232/so-whats-the-slice-of-life-genre-anyway - but since tumblr blocks this blog from being found outside of tumblr, you probably never saw it.)

This family is nothing like what my family was: they're well off, they're complete, they have things I couldn't fathom or even dream of in terms of benefits in life. This isn't a poor family with gritty living conditions making due and living pay-check to pay-check, which I would immediately identify. So, try to understand the bias here. This family is the polar opposite of all that. So, why in the hell can I relate with it so much? The answer, in the end, is the same damn reason I relate with Sean Nelson's character in Fresh.

Emotion.

The interactions that the family go through are relatable and realistic enough that they transcend any sort of status symbol, race or class. They're universal to those who've had the same emotions, even if it's just coping. You have a father who is simple and confused, but he’s caring and present. You have a son with PTSD, unwelcome in his own skin, his old haunts, at school, at home, and with authority. And then, you have the mother: a torn, stand-offish, determined battle axe, who at every turn is trying to unhear or trying to change the subject to keep herself in balance - the egoshell™. She, strangely enough, is the most unstable of the three. Not only to the characters, but to the audience. I have to be honest, I didn't get this until about my 5th viewing. I was so busy hating her, I didn't realize that she in fact is the one torn inside the most. She doesn't know what to do, and of course loses it all by trying to keep it all. Ultimately, the story is about a father though, trying to hold this family together, as shown through the son.

(moments before the great Uzi on the bus scene)

Now, the biggest complaint I've ever heard about this story is about the psychologist. I understand that. The reason is due to a perception of over compensation. At that time, and even today, it's seen as being detestable to see a shrink, or something to be looked down upon by some people - mostly cowards. So, the film paints it in a bright light, not a savior but a brighter light than most can accept. I, myself, who have been to many psychologists (you can tell), can say that the light isn't that bright. It's more of a case of: "Look, psychology is a story in itself, and we don't have 6 years to spend on the son getting help for this story. So, let's round out the edges." And that in turn creates quicker results and this idea of painting the shrink as a saint. But, his character is true to psychology - take my word for it - that's how they are. Granted, they're not all nice, but when you get a good one, they really hit the mark on what that’s like. And the film isn't about him anyhow, he's just the handle along the steps the son is climbing - something I felt Good Will Hunting borrowed heavily from.

So we have a traumatized, coping family. The reason they're traumatized really isn't important. Though it's shown with brevity, you soon start to realize that this family is being pulled apart by strings that were on a bad foundation beforehand (which, in my opinion, is the reason the story merely shows glimpses of the tragedy throughout - which was a good decision). It has zero sentimentality. There's no guy playing a harmonica in the corner while an old man runs off about the troubles of life. There's no music cue as two buddies realize their futility while sitting on a dock, boozing.

Everything is shown, it's right there, naked, bald, shivering, and with no place to go.

Every character's behavior is perfect for the story. They're realistic, they're believable. All their choices and actions are accurate to how people react to trauma. No two people act the same in reality, and how they do in the film is something you should focus on. Their behavior and actions are what reveals their emotions. The believability of the emotions they're having and the actions they take are what transfers the emotions to me. If you think in terms of action-reaction, it's accurate. And that’s a good thing to note. No doubt an external conflict has created a personal conflict story here, but it didn't need the external conflict to work. It didn’t need to be shown. Why? Because this cloud every character is in is the aftermath of it. It’s a rippling wave through each of them, and that’s what’s interesting, not the tragic event itself.

I'm rambling now... fuck. But what I want you to take away from this, besides that it will make you cry unless you have no goddamn soul, is that you don't need a hook. You don't need explosions. You don't need a good planet vs. bad aliens all the time, or a talking fucking animal... you don't need any of that, it isn't what matters. All you need is emotion out of something interesting and you've got something.

No matter the class, the race, or any social or political beliefs you hold close to your chest, emotion matters the most. And it has to be from some place genuine. It's what editors cut for. Emotions triumph, and this film is a good example of the proper writing and execution of them. Behavior and action are always a side effect of an emotion, whether they're holding on too tight, don't know what it even is, or know what it is and are trying hard not to lose it. Realistic emotions are paramount. They are what's relatable. In stories, it's what you have to tap into, it's what holds you, even more so than spectacle.

(killers photograph their victims prior to dragging them into the murder basement)

Now, if you've never lived and done things to experience a broad range of emotions, how are you going to hold someone's interest who has? You're not, and your story is going to be flat. It doesn't matter if you hit every plot device out there. Unless you're Chris Nolan and can get away with just plot and sentimentality, your script will drown. As Tom DiCillo once said: "If it ain't got heart, it ain't worth shit." I don't know if he coined that, I just remember him saying it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I heard my grandfather say that once thirty years ago, but you get the point. I hope.

If I had the chance to talk to that writer, I’d tell him to go live. Go get rejected by a woman, try to survive on nothing, get beat up, go get dirty and come back. Do something to get life experience. And if you can’t for some reason, at least read about those who have and try to fully understand it. And for the love of John-Boy, be interesting and make me feel something beside a bit of thrill or fright. It's tired. There are many more powerful colors of emotion out there besides pink and gamboge... so find ‘em.

[bananonymity]

Based on this au

-

“So,” said Ludwig, “you’d like to drop Music Theory.”

Student Advisor Ludwig Beilschmidt’s office was orderly, clean, and devoid of distraction. It was a wonder how it hadn’t driven anyone mad yet. Emil found it calming to a point; it made him somewhat nostalgic for his comfort zone of Icelandic minimalism, except for the lack of spacious windows.

Emil nodded.

“Not your liking?” said Ludwig.

“It wasn’t bad,” Emil said. He had no real complaint against the course. The first day of class, Professor Edelstein spent the entire hour and fifteen minutes teaching the students how to find the cheapest textbooks on Amazon. “But I already know music theory.”

“So you’d like to challenge yourself,” Ludwig said.

“I guess,” Emil said.

Ludwig nodded with approval, missing or ignoring the glum note to Emil’s tone. The real reason that he wanted to drop out was in fact the very opposite; the moment he stepped into the music building, he felt such oppressive intimidation that he actually texted his older brother for comfort, which went something like this:

LUKAS: How are you liking your classes?

EMIL: [thumbs down emoji]

It was a risky move, because goodness knew if this amount of unprecedented emotional vulnerability would worry Lukas. Emil regretted the raw honesty immediately afterward, but by then it was too late.

“That’s one of the great things about university,” said Ludwig. “It gives you avenues to study subjects you wouldn’t have thought of before. Now, dropping this course would mean you need to take up another course to fulfill the minimum amount of credits to be a full time student in this semester. Have you thought of what you would like to add?”

“Not exactly,” Emil said, staring at the corner of Ludwig’s screen where about seven new email notifications from frantic students at the edge of add-drop period scrambled to change their majors.

“Well, I can tell you that you still have some gen eds that you would have to fulfill,” said Ludwig. “One social studies and one art course. That would be good to take care of while you are still a first year.”

“Mm,” Emil said.

“And if you’re up for a challenge, or have interest in specific topics, there are certainly some classes in the one thousand level that have extra space.”

“Mm.”

“Or since you’re already quite ahead in your credits, you can explore a topic for your own enrichment.”

“Mm.”

Ludwig gave Emil a look of pleading exasperation. Emil fixed his gaze stubbornly on the window.

“What is your preference?” Ludwig said.

Emil pursed his lips. He knew that it was harder on Ludwig than on him to deal with his unhelpful indecision, but it did not give him any clearer opinion on what he ought to do. Maybe he should have bitten the bullet and stayed in Professor Roderich’s class. Maybe he should have thought of this before the semester started. Maybe he should have never applied to a university so far from home. Maybe he should have never graduated high school, in general.

“I guess finish my gen ed courses,” Emil said.

Ludwig nodded with enthusiasm for the both of them.

“So, an art course and a social studies course,” said Ludwig. “We have several art courses that are available for you here. Let’s see…”

Ludwig pulled up all the available courses for the semester that would fulfill an art credit. The array of choices made Emil’s eyes blur.

“How about Intro to Film?” said Ludwig. “That would cover your art credit, and also give you an extra English credit if you’re looking into pursuing a certificate.”

“A certificate?” Emil said. “What for?”

“Certification for Digital Media, if that interests you,” Ludwig said.

Emil sputtered.

“I don’t even know what my major is!” he said. “What’s a certificate going to do for me?”

“You don’t have to take it for a certificate,” Ludwig said quickly as Emil buried his face in his hands. “I just meant that it was a nice way to kill two birds with one stone if--”

“But I don’t want to kill birds,” Emil said. “I don’t even know what birds to kill. What kind of person am I if I went around killing random birds just because society tells me that’s how to get a job?”

He slumped back into his seat, letting out a huff of distress. He supposed that he needn’t yell about it, but he had to affirm himself that he made a solid point. Ludwig, in the meantime, only rubbed his brow wearily.

“No certification then,” said Ludwig. “But if we just look at art credits, would that interest you?”

“What is the class like?” Emil said.

“Well...”

“Class, I want you to write this down. Soviet cinema banks on violently killing off every character that has a face on screen. You can quote me on that, I have a doctorate.”

Leon Wang, Emil’s roommate, scribbled this down on his notebook, if only because he knew it would make a solid tweet later on. Professor Alfred F. Jones paced about the front of the room, whizzing through his PowerPoint presentation faster than any of the students could actually take notes.

“Battleship Potemkin? Dead,” said Alfred. “Strike? Dead. A five-second example of the Kuleshov effect? Dead baby. Basically, if you want to make a Soviet montage, kill a bunch of farmers from different camera angles.”

“Professor Jones?” One student raised their hand in the back.

“Call me Alfred,” Alfred said, flashing a dazzling grin. “What’s up?”

“Can you go back to the last slide with all the notes?” they said.

“Fine, but you all gotta catch up faster than that,” Alfred said.

He backspaced on the PowerPoint, skipping through the past fifteen or so slides that he had flew through in half a minute until he reached the slide of haphazard bullet points.

“So, to recap,” said Alfred. “Soviet montage wasn’t necessarily trying to break the rules of cinema. Leave that to the French in the sixties, God help them. But Eisenstein and Kuleshov in particular wanted to use editing differently, to create a synergetic meaning through editing shots together that, by itself, wouldn’t communicate that. Sort of like how on Instagram, you can either build a collage or just have multiple photos in a post, and the effect of it is different depending on how you arrange it, right?”

“What?” said Leon.

“So there you go,” Alfred said. Leon sighed and wrote Instagram = Soviet montage (?) in his notebooks, and hoped that Alfred upload the slides onto Blackboard later today.

“But here’s the wild thing,” said Alfred. “Soviet montage outlived the USSR. Stalin is dead! But even in the play-it-safe boon of Hollywood, we still use those seemingly weird and non-linear montage editing for our movies. Take Arrival. Has anyone here not seen Arrival?”

Several hands went up in the air. Alfred threw a dry erase board marker on the floor.

“Too bad! Spoilers alert,” he said. “The reason why you go into the movie thinking that it is being told in a linear manner, and that Amy Adams’ daughter dies in the beginning of the story, is through the Kuleshov effect. You see her in the beginning of the movie watching her daughter die, and then the scene cuts to her going to work. And you--the audience, you think she looks so sad and distant and uninterested in the news about these octopus aliens because of the recent death of her daughter. But actually you only think that because the two scenes are put back to back. Her face was really just neutral, but because of editing you think they are related, when it is actually a flash forward--or flashback. Dead baby!”

Leon nodded fervently, writing with a little more vigor in his notebook. Maybe Alfred actually did know what he was talking about. He made sense, which was more than he could ask for in a college course. This course made him feel excitable, to relish the honor and merit of his favorite medium, handing back to it the dignity it deserved.

“Or like in this one episode of Lizzie McGuire,” said Alfred.

Leon blanked immediately.

“There is this one scene I remember,” Alfred said, his eyes widening with nostalgia. “I don’t remember the characters’ names at all, or the plot, or if this was even an episode of Lizzie McGuire, but I’m kind of certain that it was on the TV when I was about ten years old. Anyway, there was a scene where this boy, no idea who he was, maybe he was like, Hilary Duff’s little brother or something? Anyway, he had a dirty nose and his mom was like, you got a dirty nose and when and licked a napkin or something to clean it off, and then it would suddenly cut to an unrelated, non-narrative shot of a lion licking her cub’s face, and then cut back to the mom wiping the dirt off her kid’s face. The lion has nothing to do with the story, but it was edited in there to make a more symbolic comparison, to emphasize the overbearing nature of the mother. Disney Channel was flexing its Soviet montage, baby!”

Alfred sped through several tens other PowerPoint slides that looked like they held vital information. Leon leaned over to the student sitting next to him.

“What the hell is Lizzie McGuire?” he whispered.

“All right, fifteen minute break commences now,” Alfred said, closing his laptop while students desperately scribbled the last of the bullet points with their aching hands. “Second half of class, we’ll get right into the film. Unfortunately, if you graduate from this school with a film degree and not know what the Odessa steps are, you aren’t going to make it out alive in Hollywood or wherever the hell you guys want to go. So we’re going to have to watch some Eisenstein. I’m so sorry, everyone.”

While other students went to use the restroom, or checked their text messages on their phones, Leon flipped through the syllabus for this course once more. He was hopeful that they would watch a John Woo film in this course, which did not seem like a far cry from what Alfred would assign. Apparently, one of their midterms would include writing a paper applying an advanced film theory to Die Hard.

“Come on, kids!” Alfred said. “You’ve got fifteen minutes to stretch your legs. This is a four-hour course, you’ve got all the time to sit around. Don’t you know that sitting is the new smoking?”

He promptly took a bite from a box of Chick-Fil-A strips waiting for him on the podium.

(tbc?)

[saltyfilmmajor]

FROM RECKLESS MEN TO EMOTIONAL DISASTERS

AN ANALYTICAL EVALUATION OF THE AESTHETIC QUALITIES OF A FEW FAMOUS TOM CRUSE CHARACTERS

To start off, yes, I’m doing another essay on this. (Mel, this doesn’t change the fact that we are fighting because you know I’m right. So, write a paper or admit that I’m right.) This was requested by @sweetbouquetartisane because she wants to hear my thoughts on why I find Mr. Tom Cruise attractive, on a physical level anyway. And I am very inclined to write this first in the series of essays that will come out soon. But I digress, the main point is that Tom Cruise is a very good-looking man and that characters he plays from movie to movie bring out very different responses from me. So let’s dive head first on the characters of Barry Seal, Jack Harper, Ethan Hunt, and Danny Kaffee. This order corresponds from least favorite to most favorite. I don’t hate any of these characters. In fact, I love them. A little too much. But l Digress. 

American Made, for me as a film, was something I wished to watch for the historical nature of it, given that it sort of documents the situation surrounding the Iran-Contra affair (look forward to that essay soon). And so when I watched it the very first time this week, I was excited. I had never watched a film that directly talks about this stuff, especially with such a big-name star like Tom Cruise. He plays Barry Seal, a very crazy man irl who worked for the CIA and The Medellín Cartel and ultimately died before the Iran Contra Scandal went public. Now I’m supposed to hate this character very much cause of his involvement with said cartel and CIA, but from his very first words, he grabbed my heart and never let go. GOD, he’s so fucking charming it is insane. He speaks in a slight southern accent, he flies like a mad man. HE SPEAKS FUCKIN SPANISH, I JUST.

So, a bit of context about why that is important. Before I watched this film I was away in Guatemala visiting family for two weeks. Because of that, I was limited to Spanish only conversation. It got me thinking. Mel and I had a discussion on this about how great it would be if Ethan Hunt would speak Spanish on screen. We never get to hear it in a movie, and it was a very fun conversation. So I watched American Made the day I returned home, not knowing that Tom would be speaking Spanish. I FUCKIN LOST MY SHIT. I just couldn’t FUNCTION. And he starts off with very limited Spanish and over the course of the movie he gets a bit better. MEL AND I JUST LOST IT. I showed it to her the second time I watched (but she does not like Barry, she likes Schafer and she hasn’t watched to the end of the film.)

The outfits they put Barry in this movie, like in every scene almost, he has the Sleeves™ and Mel and I LOVE THE SLEEVES. Tom Cruise with rolled up sleeves, very good yes. Also, Mel, I know you appreciate when Tom is wearing a uniform and he wears a pilot uniform for a good portion of the beginning of the movie. 

HE LOVES HIS WIFE SO DAMN MUCH. AND WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN THAT’S THE ONLY THING HE CARES ABOUT, HIS FAMILY’S WELLBEING. THE VOICE KINK IS STRONG IN THIS MOVIE FOR ME. (yes Tumblr I have a voice kink, the least Extra™ of any kink I’ve ever admitted to, shut up. Well, that and the Sleeves™.) Also, he fucks his wife in a plane and it just stresses me the fuck out but also makes me feel things. I’m very conflicted about it.

Jack Harper, The Softest™ Man. I can’t thirst over him, it breaks my heart too much. BUT THAT WON’T STOP ME. Look, he just wants to live a peaceful life away from this bullshit. And HE JUST LOVES THE EARTH SO FUCKIN MUCH. AND VIKA IS JUST A STICKLER FOR THE RULES. LET HIM KEEP HIS FLOWER FOR FUCK’S SAKE. PLEASE DON’T HURT HIM HE JUST WANTS TO BE HAPPY AND LIVE LIFE ON EARTH. (also, he does have that scene where he’s restrained and its…. fuck)

Ethan Hunt. Ethan Fucking Hunt. THIS MAN DRINKS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER. He is such a badass and he cares so much about his loved ones it’s crazy. He just wants to protect the world and he fights his government to do the greater good. He clings of a plane, free climbs the side of mountains, marries Julia in the hospital before the mission (and then proceed to fuck in the medical supplies…JULIA YOU ARE A NURSE WHAT THE FUCK.)  He looks damn good wearing a tux and riding a bike. He has the sleeves in fallout. I just love him a lot.

Like ok look, not to go too in depth about Ethan’s character (Look forward to that essay as well) but he is an Extra Spy who cares too much and risks his life because ultimately he cannot let anyone die. He won’t allow it. The mission is all he has left, he has no life outside of that because he learned early on that the risk is too much for his loved ones. He’s always ready to die for the sake of a mission, and he speaks French and Russian. So, in turn, he dedicates himself to being the best agent, not for the sake of his government, however, (because the government is shown to be very sketchy.) It’s the embodiment of the thesis posited by James Bond in Skyfall. In Skyfall, when Bond is meeting  Q for the first time they have this conversation of Technology vs Old-school Tradecraft

Bond: Oh, so why do you need me?

Q: Every now and then a trigger has to be pulled.

Bond: Or not pulled. It's hard to know which in your pajamas.

Ethan Hunt is the embodiment of the critical thinking in the espionage trade. By that I mean, after his first mission gone wrong, he thinks about the decisions he makes. And it’s nice that people consider the consequences of their actions and don’t go shooting everyone who crosses their path. Ethan Hunt Certified Badass and Respecter of women. (also he has the scene in with the pole). He has an engineering degree and he was in the army. He DOUBLE MAJORED IN ENGINEERING AND INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS! HE’S A SMART BOI AND I LOVE AND RESPECT HIM VERY MUCH! JUST LET HIM LIVE A HAPPY AND NORMAL LIFE. (also he has those scenes...)

And lastly our last candidate for evaluation. You know who it is, THAT’S RIGHT. LT. DANIEL ALLISTER KAFFEE SMARTEST SMARTASS TO EVER SMARTASS IN THE HISTORY OF SMARTASSERY. (Did I ever mention I have a thing for lawyers?) This is different from all the others I’ve mentioned here. Like Kaffee is not the Tom Cruise Action Hero™ he is a quietly intense drama boi. He’s insecure and masks it with a layer of cockiness because he is afraid of the shadow of his father’s legacy. It’s just so sad. He’s a very smart Boi who doesn’t apply himself because he understands that litigation is an artwork to itself and he’s trying to make sure his clients get the best deal possible. He knows that if his case goes to trial he cannot control the outcome, he can present his case but at the end of the day, it is up to the jury to decide whether his clients are guilty or not. I could discuss Kaffee, my actual husband, all day. He has some certifiable looks in this movie.

HE HAS HIS REGULAR NAVY UNIFORM.

HIS SOFTBALL OUTFIT

THE JOCK OUTFIT

THE WHITE NAVY UNIFORM

And my absolute favorite HIS CLASS A UNIFORM.

HE HAS EVERYTHING I LIKE. ROLLED UP SLEEVES? CHECK! TOM CRUISE IN JEANS? CHECK! SMARTASSERY? DOUBLE CHECK! UNIFORMS? CHECK FROM HERE TO COLOMBIA! ISSUES WITH AUTHORITY? CHECKAMUNDO! (also his reluctantly subbish tendencies, but not everyone is into that. BUT FUCK YOU MEL, I’M RIGHT JUST ADMIT IT)

LOOK MY ACTUAL HUSBAND DANIEL KAFFEE

This man is such a disaster, he doesn’t know how to eat apples, he gets sick on boats (Jesus Christ Kaffee, You’re in the Navy.) All he has in his house is Yoohoo and Coco Puffs, He has a baseball bat fetish (not the sexual definition, the witchcraft one.) He fuckin walked in the rain drunk af and then proceeded to drive a few blocks looking for Joanne, while still drunk (Sam WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DID YOU LET HIM DRIVE???) When he tells Jessup to return to the stand and he drinks water, he’s fuckin shaking. He swears when he’s frustrated. His voice, oh my fuck, HIS VOICE. He gesticulates a lot in court as well (I’m thinking about his cross-examination of the doctor specifically) I don’t know why but I find that endearing. The way he speaks in court is so smart, and when he whispers, It just. IT’S Like ASMR but I like it instead of being creeped out. He just, GOD HIS VOICE. I LOVE IT. He never has a pen on his person, like Danny, sweetheart, please. He just. GOD I THINK I’M IN LOVE.

So that’s essentially my Deep Dive™ on Tom Cruise characters that I’ve watched this week. He’s just so charming in all these roles and they all have something different to offer. All are distinct people: Barry Seal, the most fucking reckless man ever. Jack Harper, the softest soul who just loves earth please just let him keep his flower. Ethan Hunt, the most badass Extra™ spy who consumes gallons of respect women juice. Daniel Kaffee, my Harvard educated smartass who is very fucking stupid. Each of them just provides me with a very different experience emotionally, but they all have their merits and I love them all.

(Mel, fuck you. I’m Right.)

[donnerpartyofone]

21 Questions

Tagged by @getoutofmyhouse who had oddly similar answers to mine

Nickname: only the one I use here, that I gave myself--Claire Donner, which has to do with my famous love of cannibalism. Claire is my real first name, though.

Zodiac: I am so very cuspy. I was born at about a quarter to midnight on April 20, so I tend to relate to, and feel insulted by, the suppositions about Aries and Taurus equally. I’m one of those jerks who will tell you astrology is a bunch of hoo ha...and then drone on with my Many Esoteric Ideas about it, so I’ll just stop myself right here.

Height: 5’ nuthin is what I prefer to say...because saying I’m 5 and 3/4′ sounds a little like saying I’m 10 and a half years old.

Amount of sleep: It’s all fucked up. Until I got into my 30s I could, and would prefer to, sleep endlessly. Now I go to bed around 10 (depression), get up around 5 or 6 (being old), and for extra fun, I’ve developed this insomnia that often keeps me up from about 2am-5am. I try make the most of it by getting up, getting high, watching a movie or two, writing...basically just having a secret private day by myself. I’d really rather go back to just sleeping constantly though.

Last movie I saw: I saw GRETA in theaters tonight, which was ok. I guess I thought any Neil Jordan film would be headier than this, but watching Isabel Huppert just running around acting like an absolute maniac is a rare treat! My last video experience was RAW, which I put on to bother my husband right when we got home from the theater. (I think he liked it more than I originally did, to my surprise)

Last thing I googled: The correct spelling of Sylvia Likens’ last name. I’m obsessed with this type of crime where a group of people (usually a family and/or some of their friends and neighbors) fall into some kind of shared hysteria where they protractedly torture to death an acquaintance for no particular reason. Some times there’s an element of mystery as to why the victim didn’t leave while they were still able to, which suggests to me that the murdered person was just as much a victim of the groupthink as the perpetrators. Other example victims include Suzanne Capper, Vera Jo Reigle, and I think to some degree Sophie Lionnet, James Bulger, and Junko Furuta. (Also a crime they briefly discuss in the book Lords of Chaos, where several people murder a friend in their trailer, but I can’t remember it specifically enough to look up the names--the other last thing i tried to google) I keep thinking there should be a psychiatric and/or legal term for this kind of crime, but I’ve never heard one, so let me know if you got one!

Favorite musician: I have trouble with questions that involve ranking anything, so I’ll just say that right now I’m listening to a lot of old White Zombie. I didn’t know anything about their origins as an East Village noise band, and I’m fascinated by the stories about how apocalyptically miserable it was to be in that group. I’m increasingly obsessed with people who work their asses off doing something they barely even enjoy, for what must be borderline spiritual reasons.

Song stuck in my head: Nothing right this second, for which I am very grateful. There’s something awful in my brain that causes me to wake up with some maddening, babyish tune stuck in my head more often than not. It is most frequently the Ten Little Indians nursery rhyme. This is literally killing me.

Other blogs: @anhed-nia, which started as a dumping ground for long posts about mental illness, and turned into almost only movie writing. at some point there was just so much movie shit that i started to feel awkward about posting anything personal there again. i also got @getoffyrass which is a group blog, and a repository for images that make great drawing references. everyone is encouraged to post their drawings, too, although it is seldom used. i still like having it around, for when i have time to draw. my “real” drawing blog is @neveratendermoment but i don’t draw often enough anymore...

Do I get asks: i used to get tons! i really enjoy them, even the trolls to some degree. i must have seemed like more of a regular tumblr geek girl back in the day. also tumblr has just changed a lot since then. my blog was definitely a casualty of Best Stuff First, i think my follower count stopped dead forever right when that happened, and now that practically every single fucking thing on this entire site is either fandom shit or *discourse*, i really have nothing to offer tumblr anymore, anyway.

Blogs following: 1,057. 

Lucky numbers: 2! Also 5.

What I’m wearing: black wool long john pants from Chrome, and a white v neck teeshirt with the words BLACK MAYONNAISE on it in black Rocky Horror font. i live near the notoriously toxic Gowanus Canal, and “black mayonnaise” is the actual term used to describe what’s on the bottom of it, by the scientists who are trying to figure out what to do with it.

Dream trip: i am really excited by travel, it’s hard to pick. i’m hopefully making a dream trip soon though: my father’s mysterious finno-swedish family is from the åland islands, and my husband and i will be planning part of our honeymoon there, whenever that happens.

Dream Job: i think about this a lot, because the older i get, the more i object to the entire concept of having to work to live. i’m into the whole universal basic income thing. i’m at this point where i can barely stand to think about capitalism in any way--like i think about how the need for money is so mortally serious that there’s a lot of physical stuff in the world that only exists because someone was scared of starving, tons of useless products and packaging and factory byproducts and all kinds of fucking straight up garbage that was only invented due to the lethality of poorness. i would rather be left totally alone forever if possible. however, if i HAD to do something and i COULD do anything, it would probably be film criticism. this fantasy takes place in a world where people care so much about what i have to say that i can make a career, not only out of movie writing, but out of only writing about the specific movies i want to write about, referring to nothing other than my personal reactions.

Favorite food: i wish the answer weren’t just “cheese”, but it probably is. also mushrooms. anything cinnamon. i’m a pretty adventurous eater though. the most important thing for me is a variety of flavors and textures.

Languages: english. i took several years of italian in junior high-high school, and did nothing with it. i taught myself to read french pretty fluently, but i would fold right up if someone tried to speak to me. i learned a bunch of swedish on duolingo, shoulda kept it up. i’ll get back to it! i really regret never learning spanish though, so i’m easily torn on what to do with my time.

Play any instruments: clarinet in junior high/high school, also alto sax which i did not enjoy at all, a little guitar. i bought a used electric bass last year that i have really been enjoying, but i feel a lot of guilt around not playing enough. so much of it is just strength training. that’s probably what i like about it, though. also i got a lot of electronic music software and midi controllers and stuff...and then i realized that it could take me months to sort through the thousands of samples i have to program this stuff, and i only got so far into it before i started to get discouraged. i need to get back to it, it’s ridiculous to let that stuff lie around. this is a rare example of me wishing i knew someone local to play with, who could speed me along on how everything works.

Favorite songs: another one of these impossible questions! anybody who is even reading this can probably guess the answers from the handful of music posts i reblog over and over and over. the other night i got all hyperactive and forced my husband to drop everything and listen to “buffalo stance” by nene cherry, which i never ever get sick of. real top contenders for favorite song might be “Stand By the Jamms” by the klf, and this recording, which has gotten me through many difficult hours:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8k1HsF3EvY

https://www.forcedexposure.com/Catalog/sunray-sonic-boom-music-for-the-dreamachine-cd/STRAWB.003CD.html

Random fact: i’m sure i’m missing out on something really funny and cool, but for now it’s just the well-known fact that i read palms.

Describe yourself as aesthetic thing: man, how do i answer this without being totally pretentious? maybe nobody can! i’m coming up with something really hard to describe but it will be worth it. the other day i watched this insane, completely unnecessary movie about lorca and salvador dali (played by robert pattinson) as gay lovers. there’s a scene in it where lorca does that “pick a hand” thing to dali, and dali picks an empty hand. of course, they’re both poor students who couldn’t be buying any gifts, so they do this obnoxious pantomime where dali pretends lorca actually gave him something--but then it turns out that lorca really DOES have something. he opens his other hand and gives dali...SOMETHING. i don’t know what! they make such a big deal out of it, but what the hell? you see it for a second in this closeup, but it’s shot from like, behind and slightly underneath, and it is just unrecognizable. it’s sort of an orange blob? it’s probably meant to be a sculpture. but, i love the idea of doing the “pick a hand” thing to somebody, and the other person is just like...hey wait a minute, what the fuck even IS this?? 

it reminded me of one of the most amazing things anyone ever did at my school, bard college. this genius art student who I WISH I COULD NAME TO CREDIT HER did her senior project as this like...made up product. i saw them at the senior show, hanging off a spinner rack, like you’d see next to the register in the drug store. they were called Toilet Buddies. they were these plastic, brightly colored objects that looked like toys, but they didn’t have a familiar earthly shape, and because of the title, it was IMPOSSIBLE to imagine what to do with them. so, she gets the lipstick cam from the film department, and shoots this video of herself sneaking some Toilet Buddies into Walmart. then she takes them to the register and BUYS THEM--the baffled cashier looks for them for a while, and eventually just rings them up as a general grocery or something. then in part 2, the artist TAKES THEM BACK TO THE STORE WITH THE RECEIPT AND GETS A REFUND.

so anyway, i see myself as like a fake product--something that looks just familiar enough to exit, and that appears to have a designated purpose, but it’s just kind of cheap and foreign and it becomes nightmarish to try to imagine what to do with it. 

I don’t know if anyone i know will want to do this, but i tag @negativepleasure @moviesludge @former-contender @dimestoreman @thefuzzydave @darkarfs @theoddsideofme @blueruins ...um, i don’t really know who would enjoy this. the ultimate would be @garbagenacht

[dotzines]

Artist spotlight: LittleRain!

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Header source: [X]   

Introduce yourself hi i'm little ! i'm a french graphic design student, my main fandoms are haikyuu, mp100 and houseki no kuni When did you start drawing? Are you a digital or traditional artist? I started when i was 4 or so ? i do both traditional and digital Which mediums are your favorites? Did you try going digital? I used to do a lot of gouache but moved on color pen and pencils now because it's easier to carry around ! 

Why do you prefer traditional over digital? (or viceversa) I use them to different ends, i prefer drawing in digital when it comes to fanarts and characters in general but i'm more comfortable with traditional for everything else haha What do you think is the most challenging part about being a traditional/digital artist? Improving yourself. I often think about giving up on doing better, but then force myself to draw anyway What inspires your pieces? Pretty much anything i see and hear ! I look up to a lot of artists on social medias

image source: [X]   Explain your "everyday" drawing process I'm usually sketching things for half an hour then (hardly) set my mind on something and spend the following 3 or 4 hours on lining and coloring Thing is i often start drawing past 10pm so i end up at 2am at the peek of my creativity with my eyes burning because i can't stop, don't do that. Do you have an artist you admire (or more than one)?

I absolutly stan Van Gogh, Hopper, Hammershoi's paintings, for their use of colors, their ability to create movement in what's innanimate and the relation between people and spaces. I also love @heikala (https://twitter.com/heikala_art) and @nkim (https://twitter.com/nkim_illustrate), they both developped beautiful worlds and damn those backgrounds, i can't get enough of it ! And i have a deep admiration for ONE Is there an artwork you are most proud of? Why? https://underwaterrain.tumblr.com/post/175965626673/your-hair-silver-stands-of-moonlight-miraculously

I literally flexed on myself for this one qsdflkj it was very late, i was very tired and pulled this out of nowhere and never succesfully replicated this drawing style, i'm proud but so mAD

Do you listen to music (or tv shows/films/anything else) when drawing? 

I do ! mainly indie songs and j-pop and whatever song is used in that nice amv sdfj Osts of Ghibli movies, Violet Evergarden, Houseki no Kuni, and just anything of Kensuke Ushio (Liz and the blue bird, Silent Voice) is super nice for working

image source: [X]   What makes art interesting for you? Its diversity i would say, every artist creates the way they want and nobody is in right to say their methods are wrong or their work ugly What do you do when art block strikes? Nothing i guess ;; i just let it be, stop drawing and come back later What’s the most valuable art advice you’ve ever received?

Hmm i can't really remember any advice that stands out ? all i ever got was the usual "try harder you'll get it"