#and NO ONE said maybe this isnt a good idea
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b10000p · 8 months ago
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"who's afraid of little old me" is not a female rage older sister mad woman anthem. its the musing of an out of touch billionaire 35 year old with a persecution complex. "[they all said] That I'll sue you if you step on my lawn" ma'am you are actively in a lawsuit with a teenager because he was spreading publicly available information to prove that you are destroying the planet. you scammed your apple listeners who pre-ordered the album.
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kindaorangey · 3 months ago
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well i'm comforted by the knowledge that book!armand has some faith in the christian god (and, like, that this faith is vital to his character) because it means theres absolutely no fucking way they'd just do that one-to-one in the show and so we're one step closer to an exploration of show!armand's relationship with islam
#iwtv#armand#the vampire armand#armand iwtv#interview with the vampire#i cant find a source on whether assad is muslim or not like i know there was that one interview where he said he grew up in a#muslim community#but that doesnt necessarily mean hes muslim himself/was raised muslim/if his parents are muslim#but i still think theres a good to fair chance that when he was called in to the writers room to discuss show!armand and to#collaborate with the writers over how show!armand is different to book!armand#that this was because armand's weird relationship with faith in the show will be concerned with islam rather than christianity#(and also because assad is south asian and show!armand is a delhiite but that so far isnt relevant to his character in the same way#that i know religion WILL be. because thats how it is in the books)#im lowkey trying to watch as many interviews as possible so that i can envision s3 in my mind. patient needs s3 to live.#anyway we poppin the biggest bottles when armand has a complicated relationship with islam in s3. or something#also i have something else to say but it's a pretty major book spoiler so this is your warning to look away#if im right about this. i wonder whatll change about armand attempting suicide#because the christian conception of heaven hell and repentance doesnt exist in islam#so yea. i wonder how exactly the suicide attempt will be characterised/if it will be to do with his faith in god or something else#because its lestat fucking with him that leads him to try and kill himself anyway? hes like hey i met the devil. god is real btw#not sure lestat has a keen enough understanding of islam to pull off the equivalent but yanno#(maybe that points to show!armand being christian and not muslim. but thatd be boring and i dont like that idea🧡)#thunder rambles#armandposting
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deoidesign · 2 months ago
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Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop
To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.
The short answer:
Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!
The long answer:
I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.
Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.
Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.
Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.
What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.
So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!
#I wish there were a cleaner answer to this kind of thing#and I also wish that there were a way to answer that didnt feel like 'just do it lol'#but... genuinely you kind of just have to do it!#I find it helps to reframe writing as trying to figure out which ideas I don't like#then if I write anything that feels bad to me#it's not about being a bad writer or anything like that. it's just something I dont want in my story and I delete it.#like if you find yourself naturally coming up with worldbuilding elements. its okay to just start there!#you can start like 'I really want giant mushrooms' and then start thinking about how cool that would be#and like oooh what if there were really cool caves full of mushrooms and all glowy yeaaah#then you start building people from that. colonies of fungal people or something. this is still worldbuilding#then you might think now. whats a plot that could go with this and show off my cool mushrooms.#maybe the mushrooms are all connected and the main one is dying and no one knows why. it's a classic plot.#if you still dont feel like you can find a character in that. keep going! why is it dying? how can it be saved? can it? if not then why?#etc etc etc. when I am writing I actually ltierally write out 101 questions like this as I'm going and then I answer them#and if I cant answer them. then I figure out a different situation that doesnt bring that question up LMFAO#eventually you can decide you want a hero who idfk will replace the big mushroom or something. a sacrifice and immortality simultaneously#then you can be like yeah so my themes are probably about sacrifice. connection to others. love for your community. stuff like that#and then you can go back to your world and say. yeah I think that people should have telepathic communication on some level!#I'm just making all this up right now but I just want to illustrate somehow how this kind of cyclical process can actually be a tool#because it's not about getting it all right at once. its about leaning into the cycle and how it guides you through developing these#anyways idk if this makes any sense. if this doesnt feel like it works for you then it probably literally doesnt#but writing more and analyzing writing more is ALWAYS good#it will never make your writing worse to do those things.#unfortunately (said with all the love in the world) writing is an endless process of learning more about who you are and what you care abou#its wonderful but it's hard and theres no way to skip that process#good luck!#asks#anon#writing stuff#oh also if at any point you go hm. that big thing isnt working for me I think...
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nomidreams · 3 months ago
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god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak
#it kinda doesnt feel real for me idk why#like i do not actually process all of it??#tho I DO have ideas and thinking i did pay attention#maybe i've just had a wild day i guess#but also oh god vex'ahlia broke my heart#twice#first time were when scanlan was talking how he couldn't be at two places at the same time to help 'em and she said nobody gives a fuck#i feel so bad for scanlan rn i love him#haven't watched campaing to the bard's lament yet but oh fuck im too spoiled i do know what happens where (a little bit)#the second time was when she said she really cares for percy i started crying at that moment#also im a lil bit disappointed cuz i thought we would get percys death and vex's spech but we got “i open the door completly naked” scene ->#and im very happy we got it like oh wow i didn't expect that#but idk im just a girl and i love percahlia's slowburn#since i watched 64 eps of actual campaign it become hard for me to not compare campaign and tlovm cuz obviosly its very different#but with percahlia in tlovm we don't have hours and hours of campaign context#(we don't have percy making her arrows)#and i understand why cuz 100+ streams 3+ hours each is one thing and animated series with 12 eps of 25 minutes is another#but as i said previosly it is very hard for me to not compare it#by the way i do think changes in tlovm make sense#cuz like?? i think vex is more sharpy in tlovm than in campaign?? like#like she punced scanlan in first season and in campaign they are kinda good friends and i really love them??#*punched#and i think she's more ?? bossy i guess?? idk how to put it into words but in my head it makes sense “i open the door completly naked” ->#goes earlier than “i shouldve told you its yours” cuz shes playing pretend even more than in campaign???#acts like its casual when its actually isnt AT ALL#and im glad percy said “what is it i want” to vex cuz its kinda like that scene in campaign when percy talked to vax#when he called them all family for the first time and said he's trying to find what he wants in life#i love percy and vax dynamic btw#i wanted to write even more here but apparently i can do only 30 tags wtf#they want me to actually write posts oh no. hate to put it all in tags but im too nervous abt posting on the internet
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triluvial · 12 days ago
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I have a vision of like pre-S1 Steve Harrington with a glass bottle he broke as an improvised weapon but instead of cheap beer it's like,, fancy, imported sparkling water.
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redeemed-wren · 2 months ago
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Looking at the Last Mabelcorn from a Christian perspective is facinating and fun.
Cos on the one hand you have Mabel's annoucement that morality is relative, which IS played as a joke but even so is something I have a gut reaction to reject.
And then you have the B plot in which there's a very interesting exploration into essentially making a deal with the devil. And how Bill (arguably) never actually cared about Ford, and lied and used him. How he said he would give Ford everything he needed to make him happy, and lied that just working with Bill would fulfil him. How he doesn't care about Ford really and takes great glee in his suffering, despite pretending to be a friend. And how he preyed upon Ford's flaws and sinful nature and exasperated that for his own goals. Isolation, pretending to be a friend, lying, manipulation--its all how the devil works in real life.
And I find that fun to explore in a cartoon, despite the non-Christian origin and foundation of the show
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steampunkedparm · 1 year ago
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bluh 7.30 rn and i need to go to bed but how can i go to sleep when i just had that experience at the bus stop fhfjfh
#you think people are weird only at night?#WRONG#6am dude was being a fucken weirdo and. larping??? as someoen of indigenous american descendant???#like he was veing a fucken racist charicature and claiming the he was the creator and some cheif and speaking in what sounded like a very??#butchered?? spanish???#i could be wrong yk like my knowledge of languages isnt as expansive as i maybe want to be#he was also rmabling about the bible too??#and something about how we tell our true ages is wrong???#indont remember what he fully said this was over and hour ago now but like???#also rambled about how his true eye colour is on a different spectrum???#and then when i got on the bus he apparently was getting on the same one as me#and usually yk i look up briefly if someoen walks past me just as a general see if their approaching me specifically#bc it happens sometimes someone needs help#motherfucker looked at me and said something in what was probably actually a vastly incorrect indigenous american language#no idea what he said but he was definitely trying to get my attention like he was at the bust stop when he very loudly said good morning to#me (i just nodded at him lol. i just got off of work im not in the mood to interact unless someone needs directions)#(i ignored him when he spoke to me on the bus lol dont worry)#BUT THEN THIS FUCKER SITS IN THE BACK AND STARTS. LIKE STOMPING AND CHANTING AND JUST. BEING A STUPID FUCKING RACIST CHARICYATURE AGAIN#AND THEN#AND FUCKEN THEN DEAR GODS THIS DUDE#has the gall to start pestering some poor sap who happened to sit too close to him about jow the cdc is bullshit and how he himself is the#cheif of medicine or what have you of the state i live in#i just??#gods i need a drink after this morning dude#i dont normally mind if someone is being loud and disruptive#i tune it out and its bound to happen takin public transportation. its kinda whatever. thats their business#but this shit took the fucken cake dude what the fuck#anywyas good morning lol i guess#tldr i had the displeasure of dealing with a freakazoid racist at the bus stop this morning after work
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apathyfairy · 2 years ago
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i’m not even kidding everytime i experience any sort of joy whatsoever something bad happens it’s like in friends when phoebe was killing people everytime she went to the dentist but for real
#speaking of dentists. lmao.#first of all i have a broken wisdom tooth that i’ve been putting off removing for 2 years now but i have all of them#tonight i was actually in an ok mood like it’s early i was gonna go to bed early and just relax#but i was like hm maybe i want to trying doing something new with my hair so i was fucking around with that and listening to music#and just being fine! like contentness which is v rare. anyway i was like ok i’m gonna start taking better care of my teeth#so back to wisdom teeth the one on my bottom right didn’t fully come out so it gets like plaque on it so i got a small child toothbrush#to really get in there and brush it yeah tmi i guess but in front of that wisdom tooth i have a temprorary filling#from 1 year ago bc this one dumbass dentist i went to well actually i went there as a kid but she’s terrible but i needed a filling fast so#i went there last year. anyway she put a temp in and said ok come back in 6 months and i didn’t because i wasnt gonna go to her anymore#and i couldn’t go to my good dentist bc he told me to remove my wisdoms and i didn’t lmao. anyway long story short i was brushing that#wisdom bitch really good and a chunk of my temp filling tooth broke off. not the filling of course but my real tooth and i’m like ok.#so god isnt real for real then. like. the reason i put all this fucking shit off is bc i don’t have money and now i fucking have to go fix#it so i’m 100% fucked i’ll never move out from my abusive gr*ndmothers house and i’m just completely fucked i’m so upset.#anyway hope i die in my sleep tonight#*temporary. if i die tonight i don’t want u guys thinking i can’t spell temporary i’m just fucking upset#it’s literally gonna be thousands isnt it like. i don’t even fucking know if they CAN fix it and who has thousands of dollars not fucking me#idk i have literally no idea what i’m supposed to do now
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gotta-bail-my-quails · 2 months ago
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i dont like taking surveys usually but if it lets me give some scathing remarks to my shitty landlords then boy give me enough space for a fucking novel i WILL tell them to get their heads out of their asses
#you get 1.4 million in rent EVERY MONTH for this shit??#i swear there is an entire ant colony under my floorboards and like fifty spiders hanging around waiting to feast on them#i had to treat the place MYSELF#also why is the laundry room so fucking disgusting like ik its college students but what the fuck#just a WALL of lint in the lint catcher cover thing#and they all have like. brown dirt covering them and sand#and the place couldnt clean that shit up BEFORE we moved in??#the last place was cleaner at least even if they decided to replace all the laundry machines RIGHT AFTER THE SCHOOL YEAR STARTED#INSTEAD OF DOING IT DURING THE SUMMER WHEN NOBODY IS THERE#also the food situation is shit because why the hell is nothing really labelled#youve got one fridge with some like. gluten free cookies i guess#you (maybe) label whats vegan and gluten or dairy free on the online menu (not the physical labels??)#you only JUST started even labelling what your fucking desserts are#im not sure i trust your stale ass cereal let alone the ice cream machine#is it a good idea to have a self serve smoothie bar? probably fucking not but hey at least you tried to be cool#the music playing is obnoxious though#also just straight up dont reinforce quiet hours. in fact why not break them yourself. shitbags#hell knows no hatred like that of a person who has to deal with college students#also i can almost guarantee im one of the youngest here#i am so tired of being the responsible one. i am so so tired#this isnt about my landlord anymore#genuine-fucking-ly why do you all wear shoes in the house and why do you put said shoes on the table we put food on and why did you leave#your nasty little crumbs all over the couch and floor last night and why dont you clean your hair off the sink after brushing and why dont#you wash your dishes or at least rinse the food off instead of leaving them by the shared sink for days#and why dont you stop coming home stinking of weed and watching tiktoks loud as hell and closing doors like you are slamming them#and why dont you fucking communicate your problems to my goddam face and why dont you tell us before you start a fucking hair business#in the living room???#and why has nobody though to clean the gotdam microwave. why have your meatball bits been in there for like. 3 weeks#'just tell them if you have a problem with it' WHO LEAVES MEAT BITS IN THE MICROWAVE AFTER SPILLING IT???#i wouldnt have a problem if you had some common fucking sense
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taahko · 1 year ago
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every so often im struck by the memory of one of my college professors getting very angry with our class (art history of pompeii 250) because when she excitedly detailed the ingenious roman invention of heated floors in bathhouses via hearths in small crawlspaces, we asked who was tending the fires. she said "oh, slaves i suppose. but that isnt the point". and we said that it actually very much was the point. she had just told us that in roman society there were dozens of people, maybe hundreds, who spent every day of their enslaved lives crawling in cramped, hot, smoky tunnels to light fires to warm pools of water (which they were not allowed to swim in). how could that not be the point?
she wanted us to focus on the art, on the innovation of heated plumbing, on the tiles and decorations of the bathhouses, and all we wanted to do was learn more about the people under the floors. and she didn't know anything more about that. in fact, she said she thought we were focusing too much on superfluous details.
it feels almost hokey to put too fine a point on the idea im getting at here but i will anyway: There are a lot of people who are still under the floors. all these beautiful, convenient, brilliant innovations of modern society (think fast fashion, chatgpt, uber, doordash) are still powered by people working in inhumane, untenable conditions.
the people who run these systems want you to focus on the good - who doesnt love warm water? - but if anything is going to improve or change in our lifetimes, you need to examine these things with an attentive, critical, and empathetic eye. and for fucks sake stop ordering from amazon
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 10 months ago
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#its 6am and im awake!! (not good)#ive kind of shifted my sleep schedule to be the worst it could possibly be#yesterday i slept from 8-9am and then 11am-5pm#and thats kind of where it's settled. whoch is not good#my roommate who is a sleep scientist says thats going to kill me and i believe that because i already feel like im dying#its just so nice to be awake for sunrise tho! and i couldnt wake up this early so my only option is to stay awake to see it#i think ive seen the sunrise more in the past two weeks than ever before in my life#on a note that feels related but probably isnt- im moving in may. in two months#'but austyn i remember you moved this time last year' youre right! im bad at staying in one place!!#im moving back in with my parents because this city is expensive and i need a year to figure my life out#i didnt think i was going to make it to 18 and thats now fucking up my life#how is it fucking up my life? because i made no plans for anything past high school and instead have just been bouncing from thing to thing#trying to make a life when i thought i would be dead. so i moved and moved and moved again and now i have no money no prospects#no drive no plan no ideas no future etc#so thats all catching up to me and im gonna take a year to save up and get on my feet and reconnect with my psychiatrist and restart therapy#my psychiatrist is gonna be mad that i just went a year with no meds but its fine. just remembered i should try to set up an appointment now#okay gonna set up an appointment at 8 when they open. shes a very in demand psychiatrist. and idk if i can go back to her after a year#theyre very nice there so im sure theyll help me figure it out. so im gonna get my mental health bsck on track#eventually fix my sleep schedule maybe. idk its just a year to figure everything out but its difficult to move again#i hate moving. ive said it once ill say it again. moving kills a part of your soul. especially moving back in with your parents#just gonna be venting about this for awhile actually#maybe ill go for a walk at like 7am cuz the weather has been so nice lately i love it#ive been walking part of the way home from work because its so nice#i truly just dont want to sleep. i want to do things but i dont have the energy to do them. yknow. this sucks#anyway. gonna tey to get my life together but so far im doing pretty bad
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arolesbianism · 1 year ago
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Hi gamers guess who's thinking abt unit swap stuff again. Shiho and Saki discussing who would be best fit to play the cast in their musicals knowing full well they're going to assign Honami to the main character like they always do and the Saki will insist on playing the main villain like she always does and then Ichika gets stuck playing every other character while also playing the trumpet like he always does
#rat rambles#sekai posting#unit swap au#shiho initially only does backstage work when it comes to their actual shows but eventually they get talked into taking some on stage roles#also yeah Ive been fleshing them out a bit more but mostly in the concept department as unfortunately there rly isnt much more I can do#without fleshing out wxs too and Im too scared to and also have too few ideas#most of what I've said in the past of each of their general roles in production still holds true but Ive musicalified them#one thing I do want to do with them is have them make more and more connections with the other units as time goes on#so eventually what was initially going to be a 2 person project turns into a whole hord of ppl helping shiho and the gang#this is mostly because of my current vison of unit swap shiho and I think itd be cute to see them be surrounded by so much support#they still mostly insist on only having the 4 of them perform on stage but occasionally rui pops in to help with backstage stuff in shows#shiho is an actual actor in and plenty of folks will show up to help with set design#also fun honami struggling rly hard with acting until eventually it starts to click and suddenly the others keep asking her for advice and#she has absolutely no idea what to tell them because she doesnt even know how she started being able to stand on stage without trembling#let alone how she got to a point where others look up to her acting she just walks on stage blacks out and then wins#the secret is that in the dance club she joined to try to get better endurance minori pushed her into the deep end on accident#you see minori made the club along side airi to basically try to get a better grasp on dancing by teaching it since she had spent most of#her time just learning and practicing by herself and airi was like well maybe a good way to wrap your head around it better would be to#stop bashing your head into the same wall and try changing your perspective with it a bit#or smth like that again still in development stuff#and since minori basically threw herself in the deep end when she was first learning she tried to start similarly with the others#which had mixed results as it meant that they spent a lot longer on parkour than dancing during the first year dvskdhjd#all while minori continued to give everyone else heart attacks every meeting with her messed up cartoon luck#but hey all of this did absolute wonders for honami's physical capabilities and also for her confidence to a degree at least#bad news now saki always tries to write in unecesary action in every scene and shiho has to be like we are not making honami do a backflip#everytime she has a line#also Im sure you could put two and two together by now but yeah saki and shiho write most of the scripts together#ichika usually helps with the music composition and all of them work together to brainstorm and create the set pieces and costumes#they may have like zero budget but they have the power of ✨friendship✨ and also eventually rui#oh yeah and honami plans out most of the choreography with some imput from the others
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maplesyrupsainz · 8 months ago
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˖⁺。˚⋆˙third wheel | CL16˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pairing: charles leclerc x actress!reader y/n (she/her) x alexandra saint mleux
genre: social media au, polyamorous relationship
warnings: polyamory
summary: in which you and your girlfriend have to keep yourselves entertained whilst your boyfriend is busy with work
a/n: ig alex's insta isnt on priv jus for the sake of the story tehe
request!!!: I really don't have any plot ideas other than the fact that I want to see more Alexandra content, why is everyone acting like she’s not dead gorgeous? Anyway, maybe a smau with Charles x actress!reader x Alex??? Idk 🤷🏼‍♀️
fc: lily rowland
my masterlist
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instagram ->
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f1wagupdates alexandra saint mleux and y/n y/l/n spotted out together in monaco tonight – charles leclerc not spotted with them like he usually is!
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user1 y/n third wheeling much
user2 she's literally in a throuple with them fym
user1 it's never been confirmed stop with the crazy conspiracies
user3 yea she just hangs out with them 24/7, platonically though 🙄
user4 ppl who still don't believe they're in a throuple are just homophobic at this point
user5 they're so cute together
user6 i love alex & y/n more than alex & charles 😝
user7 they r both so elegant <33
yourusername posted a story
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user8 fav girls
charles_leclerc 😻😻
liked by yourusername
user9 alex is so elegant
user10 wish i was u y/n
alexandrasaintmleux posted a story
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charles_leclerc Wow
alexandrasaintmleux that's what i said
user11 i love her
user12 her outfits always slay
user13 coolest girl on the planet
messages ->
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yourusername what no plans with my girl looks like
tagged: alexandrasaintmleux
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user14 GOALSSS OMG
sydney_sweeney miss you y/n <3
yourusername 🥺 me too i'll see u nxt time im in LA
sydney_sweeney PLEASE
alexandrasaintmleux love you 🫶🫶
yourusername love you love you love you
charles_leclerc so so so gorgeous
yourusername real, she is
alexandrasaintmleux no, her!
user15 and you expect me to believe they're not in a throuple
user16 invite me next time 🙄
user17 me when
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charles_leclerc stop it!!!
yourusername stop what 🥺
charles_leclerc hanging out without me.......
yourusername miss you too charlie
charles_leclerc one more week
yourusername we're counting down 🫶
user18 alexandra again??
user19 so cute luv when u have breaks between filming
landonorris posted a story
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user20 omg y/n??? she must be a wag
charles_leclerc NOT YOU TOO???
landonorris keeping them safe!
charles_leclerc THEM?? you're with alex too 😔
landonorris 😇
user21 omg cute?!?!!
user22 fourple now🤓🤓🤓
twitter ->
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charles_leclerc i miss you have a good day
yourusername tysm sweetest❤️
alexandrasaintmleux posted a story
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charles_leclerc stop torturing me!
alexandrasaintmleux dont be such a baby
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charles_leclerc omg 😍
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user29 this is giving.....more throuple proof
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alexandrasaintmleux
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alexandrasaintmleux 💋
tagged: charles_leclerc, yourusername
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yourusername prettiest girl in the world
charles_leclerc i second that
alexandrasaintmleux 🤭🤭🤭
user30 everything about this is screaming throuple confirmation
user31 the way alex is looking at y/n 🥹
user32 RIGHT??! i thought it was just me
user33 i didn't know charles was back alr
pierregasly did you kidnap charles
alexandrasaintmleux no he'd just rather be with us than with you
user34 US??!!!!
user35 the three drinks ...
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yourusername ☀️
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user36 HELLOOOO????
user37 i just screamed my head off at the last slide
user38 the pic of y/n and alex omg my heartttt
user39 KNEW IT
user40 throuple deniers rn: 🙁
user41 the thirst trap pic and then the big reveal
charles_leclerc wow you two are so insanely gorgeous
alexandrasaintmleux she is, isn't she? :)
yourusername alex ur literally a model
alexandrasaintmleux fight me!!
charles_leclerc NO! we only love here
alexandrasaintmleux sorry. i love you my sweetie pies
yourusername i love u i love u both always
charles_leclerc i love my girls 🥰
THE END ❤️
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parfaitblogs · 4 months ago
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illicit affairs ❀ s. reid x reader
in which you want more than spencer reid can give you. 
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: angst (18+ for suggestive content) tags: relation(situation)ship. s7 spencer. mentions of past intimacy. unrequited feelings. spencer's not the best person ever. kinda fade to black & unhappy ending (welcome back june parfaitblogs). reader has kinda bad self-worth. word count: 2.5k a/n: soooo fucking cliche man chases the girl after she leaves. im sorry. except im not. so sorry for whatever ooc thing spencer reid does in this. except it isnt ooc. tell me he didnt have a whore phase in s7. u cant. im sorry this is soooo dialogue heavy LOL.
Fractured shards of your soul scatter this apartment. 
This Godforsaken green-walled, quaint apartment, that you had spent so much of your time in. Nights, not days, because his days were spent yearning for an engaged woman. His nights, however, were reserved for you. Most of them, at least. Some of them. A few of them. Not many of them at all, actually.
It was a little embarrassing; how much of yourself you were willing to disrespect for some attention from a man who probably didn't think much about you outside of your presence inside his walls. But then he would touch you, and he would kiss you, and all self-deprecation will go out the window. For he is so gentle, and he knows every single crevice and button to press on your body like he speaks its language. 
Embarrassing.
It started innocently. A night spent with him after you had been broken up with, resulting in one awful decision that led to the other. Crying in his arms, to kissing him, to having sex, which he was rebutting all up until it actually happened. Rambling about transference while still leaving open-mouthed kisses down your neck, shaking his head because you two should not be doing this. 
A week later you went back to him. You were sad, in your defence, and Spencer Reid was your friend first. He was good at distracting you, you learned. You would cry, and thus, he would make you come to forget about it. Like clockwork. 
At some point it changed from a coping mechanism, to an emotional necessity. You stopped thinking about your broken heart, and instead about how good Spencer was to you. Which might've been your biggest mistake.
You were not to him what he was to you anymore. 
And maybe he knew that. A laughable idea, because Spencer Reid, who could be slapped in the face with a poster that said I am in love with you in big bold letters, would still be oblivious to it all. But maybe he knew.
You had to ask this time to come over. Maybe pathetic, how much of your self-worth you relied on whether or not a man you weren't even dating wanted to see you. How much of your world had crumbled around you because it had been two weeks and he hadn't spoken to you outside of discussing a case. 
It was definitely pathetic how small you felt as you sat in the corner of his couch, a glass of water you didn't really want to drink encased in your palms, condensation seeping into your skin. In your defence, it didn't usually go like this. Usually, it took you all of three seconds to get insidehis apartment before he started kissing you. Why wasn't he kissing you?
You could hear the faint sound of shuffling behind you, glasses clinking together and ceramics settling on the marble countertop. The only other indicator Spencer was even there was his irregular breathing. Irregular from what, you didn't know. 
Another beat of silence passed, and with it, your patience. You set the glass down on the coffee table — something he would’ve scolded you over if not for the thick layer of tension between you two.
"Did you not want me to come over?" You regret the words the second they're out of your mouth, and they uncomfortably pierce the air, only to be followed by another thick blanket of fucking silence. You had already said it — you might as well commit. "Spencer?" 
You lifted your gaze from its fixated position on your lap to find him standing still in the kitchen, a bowl in his hands, still damp from its time in the dishwasher. 
"You know you're always welcome here," he replied when you had locked gazes. 
"That's not what I asked," you said, readjusting your body, chest pressed up against the back of the couch, chin resting atop its ledge. You watched as he dried the bowl and put it away, his shoulders deflating, before he turned back to face you. 
"I do want you here," he said, but even with the finality in his voice, you were sceptical. 
"Are you sure?" you despised the insecurity that seeped into your tone.
He stilled again, and even with the distance between you two, you could see gears turning behind his eyes, coming up with a response that wouldn't break your heart, probably. Because he knew.
He could lie. Say that yes, he is sure, and he does want you in his apartment right now, and he wasn't simply entertaining your own desires. Desires that he seemingly had grown tired of. But you would figure him out immediately, and maybe he knew that as well. Stupidly smart Spencer Reid thinking ahead, frustratingly so. 
Instead, he said your name, in an awfully cautious tone. Maybe lying would've hurt less. He took a step around the kitchen counter, ever so slowly closing the distance between you two. 
"It's okay if you don't want me here," you tell him, forcing a reassuring smile and stopping him in his tracks. "You're not forced to amuse me."
"Do you think that's what I'm doing?"
"Yes. You've hardly said a word to me, and I've been here twenty minutes," you rebutted. 
"I told you on the phone that I had some maintenance chores to do." Okay, true. "Once they're done, I'm all yours."
You shouldn't say anything. You knew that. The words on the tip of your tongue would cause an argument, and he had just technically promised to do what you both knew you had come to do, and after two weeks of hearing nothing, any attention from him was good attention. You shouldn't.
But you did. "Are you really?"
His eyes closed and a harsher breath of air expelled through his nose, his hands flexing by his side as he took a moment to respond. "What does that mean?"
"Are you really all mine?" you cringed even as you asked the question. And, you already knew the answer. 
"What do you want my answer to be?"
You could scream. "That isn't fair, Spencer."
"Do you want it to be yes?"
You didn't want to answer that honestly, too afraid of the rejection that was sure to follow. "Does it matter?"
"Yes, this is a relationship, and relationships need communication—"
"—A relationship?" you repeated back to him, incredulously. "You think this is a relationship?" 
Fingers dug into his eyes, and his shoulders sagged further. "What is it, then?"
"Convenient." The word stung even you, despite being the one to have said it. 
Or maybe it didn't hurt him. For he responded, in an achingly calm tone, "Explain that to me."
"Don't use profiling techniques on me," you countered, and he watched as your walls shot up around you. 
"Asking you to explain something to me isn't a profiling technique," he said, taking another step towards your residence on the couch.
"No, but the tone of voice you're using is."
"Would you rather I yell at you?"
"No—Spencer," you stammered so frustratingly in an attempt to come up with a response, emotions taking authority of your brain functions. "I come here when I'm sad, we fuck, I go home. That's all this is. That isn't a relationship."
"I could argue what a relationship legitimately is."
"Please don't."
"Okay," he agreed with a short nod. "Do you want more out of this arrangement, then?"
"Can you give me more if I do?"
His silence was answer enough, and so slowly but surely, you were untangling your limbs from themselves on the couch, and planting your feet on the floor.
"Where are you going?" he asked as you stood up.
"Home," you replied, curtly, and he watched in a still silence as you left. 
The slam of his apartment door was loud, and it echoed throughout the hall. Feet pattered against the stairs as you descended them, quickly, because your tears were forming fast and you were attempting to beat exposure to the outside world before they started to fall down your face. 
But the universe had other plans for you, and your named reverberated throughout the final staircase you had to descend. Your lips pulled into a line in an attempt to neutralise your expression, and you turned at the base of the stairs.
"You want more with me," he said, admittedly a little breathless from chasing you the way he did. 
"Glad you could deduce that one, Doctor."
A frustrated huff left his lips. "Stop shutting me out."
"I'm not doing this here," you replied, taking another step back — that he matched, stepping down a step. "Spencer."
"No, we are. If you are going to walk out of my apartment, then we're having this conversation here."
"I don't even want to have this conversation," you argued. 
"Yes you do."
"You don't know me."
"Yes I do." When you opened your mouth to argue again, he was quick to cut you off. "You want more with me, but you're too scared of me rejecting you, so you're brushing it off as something unimportant, in hopes that I'll forget about it so things can go back to what they were before."
"God forbid."
His lips pursed. "Can you be an adult about this?" 
Your heart stuttered uncomfortably in your chest, and he stared expectingly at you for minutes. Minutes that you let pass, your breaths shallow as you stared up at him, boring holes into his own eyes. Then, "Are you going to reject me?" 
"Yes, but—"
Oh.
Somewhere your name was said once, then twice, but it all sounded far too distant, submerged underwater, maybe. Your brain muddling with every single thought it had ever conjured up in all your years of living, to the point where you couldn't even figure out if the tears burning your eyes were actually there, communications in your brain on lockdown. 
You were detached from your own body as a hand was placed on your shoulder, your eyes flickering over to Spencer's face, which was an alarming amount closer than before. It was his hand, you figured, which meant he was watching you have this breakdown, and suddenly the thought of being like this in front of him was far worse than anything he could've said to you. 
"Okay," you said, almost breathlessly, stumbling back a few steps, nodding your head, and blinking away the tears all at once. "Which is fine, by the way. Because this isn't a relationship. And we agreed on casual sex, so really, you're not doing anything surprising, and I should've expected this. Yeah."
"Can you please look at me?" You hadn't even realised your gaze was flitting around the place until he said it, and you forced your eyes to rest on his face again. "Yeah, there you go. Hi. Deep breath."
You took in the gulp of air, despite it still being shallow from your onslaught of emotions, matching your rhythm with his own. He repeated the act a few more times, until you had settled into less violent gasps, and he was sure you were grounded with him again. 
"You back with me?" he asked just in case, his voice horrifically gentle, and you wordlessly nodded your head. "Can we talk about this, now?"
"In your stairwell?"
"I don't think you want to walk all the way up to my apartment again," he said, and he was correct; you didn't. "I would reject you. That's true."
"Which you're allowed to do," you answered, quietly. 
"I am," he agreed with a nod. "If that isn't okay with you, then tell me. We can call this off right now."
"And what?" you asked, ugly emotions clawing their way up your throat again. "Go back to how things were before?"
"Well, yes—"
"—No, Spencer!" you snapped, and he seemingly hadn't expected it. At all. "I can't go back to normal with you, not after this. Sex is fucking intimate, and it is scary, and you have seen me at my absolute worst and still slept with me these last few months. You have seen parts of me I refuse to share with anyone, because I trusted you."
"I didn't force you to do that," he countered. "You showed me every single side of you on your own accord. So do not paint me to be a villain."
"I'm not trying to," your voice was desperate, and if you weren't so busy using your hands to talk animatedly, you might be tearing out your hair by now. "I just—I don't get it. How was it so casual for you? How can you go back to what we had before all of this like it's nothing?" 
"All of this was never anything serious. We agreed on that."
"No. No, don't explain what this was to me. I know what it was. Answer the question."
How was he so calm? His eyes searching your own now tear-filled ones, but the crease in his brows was the only indicator of any emotion, for his body was alarmingly relaxed. 
He exhaled, "I don't know what to tell you. What do you want to hear?"
"The truth."
"I don't have feelings for you," he said, voice so curt you wondered if it was the way he said it, or what he said, that shattered your barely mended heart. Again. 
"Which is fine," you repeated the phrase, because maybe if you said it enough, you'll start to believe it. 
"So, do you want to call this off?" 
"We should."
He only nodded in agreement; a violent reminder that you weren't imagining the things he was saying to you. This wasn't a bad dream, and he was actually telling you the relationship you had built up in your head wasn't real. 
"I don't want to," you murmured, voice pathetically small, shrinking in your shoes beneath him. "I really like you, Spencer."
"Which is why we should call this off," he reasoned, and you wanted to scream.
"Are you going to be even a little sad if we do?" He parted his lips, and a beat of silence passed. And then you were stepping back, puffing out a strained breath of air, nodding your head in understanding. "I should go."
"You won't talk to me if we call it off," he said before you could get too far from him. When you turned to look at him again, he added, "Will you?"
"No."
"Then yes. I'll be sad."
"Because I won't talk to you?"
"Yes."
You stared at him for a beat longer. "Not because you won't have a fuck buddy anymore?"
"You were never just a fuck buddy," he said, exasperated, the phrase sounding foreign on his tongue. Sorry for exasperating you.
"No. But I'm not enough to like, right?" 
He said your name, and stepped off the staircase he had been residing on, lowering the height difference between you two. "You are enough to like."
"Not to you!" "I am not the only man in the world."
The bottomless pit in your stomach grew larger, only because to you he was. To you, he was everything. And you felt things far too big, and the realisation that he had never and will never see you that way was a world-shattering discovery. 
You sighed, lowering your gaze to the floor. "We never should have started this."
"I agree." 
"I'm gonna go."
He opened his mouth, then closed it, seemingly deciding against arguing with you any more. He merely nodded his head, and forced a smile. "Yeah."
"Bye, Spencer."
your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡
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zombvic · 6 months ago
Note
They are talking in real life. I should’ve been more specific when I requested it
I’m sorry. I hope you have a good day 🫶🏻🫶🏻
I'D BE YOURS IF YOU'D ASK. (kenan yildiz x reader)
summary : in which y/n ghosts the turkish footballer during their "situationship" whilst talking to another football player
face claim : no-one
notes : thank you for requesting !! lets pretend the copa america isnt going on at the same time as the euros lmao
pairings : kenan yildiz x reader , angsty fluff (?)
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Y/n was familiar with the game of footballers. The heartbreak you'd get from talking with football players and then getting ignored out of nowhere, also known as ghosting. After multiple failed "talking stages" and "situationships" with various football players from all around the world, Y/n decided it was her turn to become the so-called ghoster. She enjoyed the sense of control and power it gave her.
As of June 2024, Y/n had been talking with a Turkish footballer named Kenan for about three months. After those three months, there was an undeniable change in the mood. She felt the conversations fade away, the replies becoming drier. After three months, you’d expect their relationship to progress, but instead, it felt like things were regressing.
A week had passed since she ghosted Kenan. She didn't choose the ideal time because the Euros were about to start. She thought maybe her absence would go unnoticed, or that Kenan would be too busy to care. But the truth was, she couldn’t handle the idea of being ghosted again. She took the first step to protect herself.
Kenan realized they hadn't talked in about a week while he was training for the Euros. The days were packed with intense practice sessions, team meetings, and strategy discussions. It wasn't until he had a quiet moment to himself that he noticed the absence of Y/n's messages. He checked his phone, scrolling through their last conversation, dated seven days ago.
He tried to brush off the feeling that she was ignoring him. Maybe she was just busy, maybe he was overthinking it. But as the days passed, he found himself missing her more than he expected. It wasn't just about the attention from her; it was the connection they shared, her way of always bringing his mood up, her way of cheering him up after a loss, the way she made him laugh, and how he could talk to her about anything going on in his life. He realized that he liked her much more than other friends do. He had a crush.
Even while training, Kenan's thoughts kept returning to Y/n. He made an effort to concentrate on the game, but it was difficult. What if she was truly over him? The thought of her abandoning him hit me like a blow to the stomach. Was she talking to another guy? Did she already have a boyfriend? Throughout the training, the worst-case scenarios couldn't stop forcing their way into his mind.
The day of the Georgia vs. Turkey game eventually arrived. Kenan decided to overlook the Y/n incident and concentrate on the match. However, he saw her in one of the VIP boxes as soon as he entered the field, he noticed her talking and giggling with a fellow football player, Kevin Alvarez. A wave of jealousy hit him. Why had she and Kevin come here? Is she trying to make me jealous? Is this some kind of game to her?
Kenan's attention split between the action on the field and Y/n in the crowd during the entire game. Kenan felt that Kevin was taking advantage of her companionship a bit too much. Knowing she was right there, laughing and giggling with someone else, made it difficult to focus.
Despite the distraction, Kenan played well and helped his team to win over Georgia. As the final whistle blew, he couldn't wait any longer. Eager to find out, he ran straight for the VIP box.
Kenan said "Y/n," as he walked up to her. Surprised to see him, she turned round, facing him. "Can we talk?"
Nodding, she followed him out of sight into a more peaceful area. "What's up, Kenan?"
He asked again, his irritation rising to the surface, "What's up? Why aren't you talking with me? And what's going on between Kevin and you?"
Y/n raised an eyebrow. "Kevin? We're just friends. What is your problem?"
"My problem? What is MY problem?! You ghosted me, Y/n. One day we're talking, and the next, nothing. Then I see you here with him, giggling, flirting like everything's fine. Like i"
"Look, every time I get into a so-called 'talking stage,' it always ends with me feeling like I'm bothering the person in question and never in a successful relationship. All I was doing is giving you space."
"Space?" Kenan frowned deeper. "I didn't ask for space. I wanted to talk to you. Instead, you left me hanging, making me think I did something wrong."
Y/n moved reluctantly, her eyes glancing away for a while before returning to his. "I am sorry Kenan. It wasn't my goal to hurt your feelings."
Kenan's jaw tightened, showing his simmering displeasure beneath the surface. "But why didn't you talk it out with me? We could have solved the problem, together."
Kenan shook his head, a mix of exasperation and relief flooding him. "Y/n, I like you. A lot. Seeing you with Kevin… it drove me crazy."
Her gaze eased as she turned to face him. "Kenan, I'd be yours if you'd ask. However, you have to understand that I can't deal with the constant unpredictability of our relationship."
Kenan held her hand in his. "Okay. So, I want to be your official boyfriend. I want to spend time with you, I want to take you out on dates, I want you to wear a jersey with MY name and MY number. I want a real relationship with you—not just a situationship or talking stage, an actual relationship."
As he was about to finish his sentence, Y/n hugged him. "Finally."
The tension slowly began to release as they stood there. They finally understood that they both wanted the same one thing: each other.
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im hoping this is what you imagined while requesting, if not just lmk i can change anything <3
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joostsblog · 7 months ago
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i loved to be desired sm omg. Could i request a joost x reader where reader is partying with joost and friends. they meet ski aggu and are chilling and they tell ski that they are super into joost but joost isnt into them and they are sad about it. The ski aggu makes it his mission to make joost jealous to get them together and there is a lil angst but reader and joost end up together and making out.
loved writing this request!! i love shy!joost in this, hope you enjoy!!❣️❣️
is this as good as it gets? ~ joost klein one shot
My masterlist here ✨💌
Pairing: Joost Klein x female!reader (also Ski Aggu x reader if you squint ig)
Description: When you almost lose all your hope getting with Joost, Aggu proposes an interesting idea to get the two of you together.
Word Count: 2.3k
A/N: title and also vibe inspired by as good as it gets by fizz so i highly rec giving that song a listen! again, you can still send in requests 💌
Warnings: consumption of alcohol and cigarettes, not proofread
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You should write Mel a thank you note, really. For one because she always lets you crash at her place whenever you visit Berlin (which happens to be very frequently, actually) but also for tagging along to her party nights with her Berlin friends which also include the famous German rapper Ski Aggu and his dutch friend Joost who you couldn't seem to keep your eyes from. Ever since you first met last time you were in Berlin (which was only three weeks ago) you were crushing on the man - hard. And suddenly you were pretending you knew more about music than you actually did just so you could try to hold a conversation with Joost. And you stepped out one time too many to smoke a cigarette with him when you usually smoked maybe two cigarettes within one year. And overthinking whatever you should wear to go out with Mel and all her friends without even knowing if Joost was gonna be there that evening as well.
And when you decided to visit Mel again just three weeks after having been the last time ("Already?"), maybe Joost was a deciding factor as well. You didn't even know if he was gonna be in Berlin around the same time as well but you were in luck when you and Mel walked into the bar and you could see Joost's figure sitting beside Aggu. You tried to play it cool as you greeted everyone and finally got to Joost.
"So nice to see you again," you said earnestly as you both hugged.
"Likewise," Joost said and gently rubbed your back. You hoped that he wasn't just being polite and actually remembered you.
You were also in luck when there was a free spot beside Joost which you could take as you tried to casually open a conversation with him, talking about whatever the two of you had been up to in the last few weeks. You talked about his hometown, your hometown, why you were visiting Berlin so often and how you were thinking of moving here. You could tell that Joost was taking interest in the conversation and by extension you, but it wasn't enough for you. You knew that you wanted Joost in other ways and you wondered how and if you could persuade him of you.
"I'm getting a new drink," you announced. "Does anybody want anything?" you asked and hoped Joost would say something or offer to come with you to the bar.
"Actually, I'll go with you," Ski Aggu offered instead.
"Alright," you smiled and you two headed off to the bar.
The bar was incredibly crowded and you could already tell that you would have to wait a while until the bartender would get around to take your orders. You leaned against the counter.
"So, does Joost visit here often?" you asked and immediately regretted it as it came out way too obsessively as you had intended to. Aggu laughed.
"Why do you want to know?" he asked amused.
"I don't know, just because I don't live here as well," you tried to casually explain.
"Yeah, well, he's working on new music currently, so he comes here a lot," Aggu said and paused as he seemed to contemplate for a moment. "Joost is cute, right?" he tested you. Blood rushed to your head.
"I suppose," you shrugged nonchalantly.
"Nah, come on, he's very cute, we can agree on that," Aggu pushed jokingly.
"I imagine most girls would agree," you said.
"Maybe, but I'm talking about you," Aggu said and poked your shoulder as he said the last word. "Do you think he's cute?" he asked again. "Or sexy or dreamy or whatever?"
"Yeah, I think Joost is very cute," you blushed. "Is it obvious?" you asked.
"Well, I think Mel mentioned how you're not a smoker when we first met and suddenly Joost is here and all of a sudden you're out with him for a smoke every hour or so," he teased and you hid your face behind your hands in embarrassment.
"Oh god," you groaned.
"Nah, come on, it doesn't matter," Aggu said. "Nothing to be embarrassed about," he insisted and removed your hands from in front of your face.
"Yeah, but Joost definitely doesn't like me," you explained with a saddened expression on your face. Aggu raised an eyebrow.
"How do you know that?" he inquired.
"I don't know, I just feel like he's deliberately treating me like a friend, you know, in a very platonic way only," you tried to explain. "Like he's very persistent about me just being a friend - if that," you said. Aggu looked sceptical.
"Listen, I don't know if Joost likes you back but I do know that he's a little awkward about flirting and expressing his feelings and whatever," he said. "He might need a little help to push him along," Aggu said with a knowing smile. You looked at him with a confused expression on your face. "You can say no to this if you want, but I have an idea for us," Aggu said and you nodded, indicating for him to keep going. "What if we both do a little thing to make Joost jealous?" Aggu proposed and your heart started racing.
"What do you mean?" you asked.
"Let's just try for tonight to spend a lot of time together, laughing a lot, sitting very close to each other, touching, flirting and just rubbing it in Joost's face that you're having a great time with me?" Aggu explained. "In fact, I saw Joost looking over at us standing here a few times already," Aggu pointed out and you looked over to the table where all your friends were sitting and as your gaze crossed Joost's eyes he immediately averted the gaze and looked in another direction. "We've got nothing to lose, either way the outcome, we'll just have a fun evening together," Aggu concluded.
You contemplated Aggu's idea for a second before you decided that he was right - you had nothing to lose. Aggu obviously was a nice and handsome guy so you wouldn't mind having a fun evening with him as well.
"Alright, it's a deal," you said with a smile and extended your hand before Aggu took it for a handshake.
"Alright, let's start with me buying you a drink," Aggu grinned and moved to stand closer to you. You casually rested your hand on Aggus bicep as you kept talking until the bartender finally took both of your orders.
"Is this okay?" Aggu asked as his arm wrapped around your waist to hold you.
"Yes," you said and you wondered whether Joost could see you right now, what he would feel at the sight of you two being so close to one another. "Thanks for the drink," you said and cheered your cup to Aggu's after you got your drinks.
"Scoot over," Aggu directed Joost as you got back to your table. You could read a confused expression on Joost's face for just a second before he darted his eyes back and forth between you and Aggu quickly. As Joost moved over from his spot Aggu could now sit beside him and you could take your seat beside Aggu.
As you were talking with Aggu you made an effort to seem careless and laugh at every joke he made, softly grazing his arm if the chance occurred or bite your lips as you watched his face. It took everything in you to look to the left of Aggu to check on Joost. You were so desperate to see whether he was fazed by your spiel. But you knew you needed to ignore him for the time being. Aggu took the biggest leap so far when he casually wrapped his arm around your shoulders to bring you closer to him as you giggled.
"Alright, I'm going for a smoke," Joost announced almost immediately after. Aggu's arm dropped from your shoulder as you both had to move over to let Joost out of the booth. After Joost got out he stood there for a moment looking down at you with a blank expression. Did he wait for you to join him for a cigarette as you always had in the past? Surely not, you thought before Joost turned around to get outside alone.
~
Joost leaned against the wall outside as his cigarette was slowly nearing its end. Usually, you would be leaning against the wall beside him as well and he would intently listen to whatever story you were telling him, always grateful that you were so good at making conversation. If it weren't for that fact you might as well would have never talked to each other. And although Joost tended to be a little quieter around you, he was hanging onto every word you said. The truth is, Joost was a little shy around you because you mattered to him. Because he liked you, he was way too afraid to mess something up. So he stood back instead.
But now he was cursing himself for doing so. Because apparently now you had enough of him and instead you were attached at the hip with Aggu. And the situation was made worse by the fact that Aggu was Joost's friend. He was annoyed at Aggu for snatching you away from him but he knew he shouldn't feel angry and instead be happy for his friend.
Joost flicked his cigarette to the ground and stumped it out before he decided to get back inside. As he looked over to the table where you and your friends sat he caught your gaze. You were sitting on Aggu's lap, your arm wrapped around his shoulders. Joost stood still, the sight really making him not want to sit back down beside you. Aggu leaned into you and whispered something into your ear as you were still looking over at Joost who couldn't hide the sad expression on his face.
Joost felt uncomfortable and looked down at his phone before he decided to step out again instead of sitting back down at the table. Time for another cigarette or just maybe go back home already. As Joost lit the cigarette in his hand, the door to the bar opened again and you stepped out into the cold.
"Hey," you said softly.
"Hey," Joost replied with a nod. "Want one?" he asked and held out his hand with his pack of cigarettes. Your arms were crossed in front of your body because of the temperature. You looked down at his offer before you declined.
"You know I usually don't smoke," you admitted.
"Really?" Joost asked with a raise of an eyebrow. "That's news to me," Joost said although it really shouldn't come as a surprise to him as he noticed that you never carried your own pack of cigarettes.  
"I know," you laughed. "Are you having a good evening?" you asked.
"Not really," Joost admitted honestly.
"How come?" you asked and Joost didn't answer. Instead, he just shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. You could feel an aura of sadness radiating from him and you suddenly felt really bad for the spiel you and Aggu had been doing tonight. Although you still didn't know how Joost felt about you, you wondered if you had somehow contributed to his bad mood tonight.
"How long are you staying in Berlin for?" Joost asked after he released a puff of smoke.
"Another two days," you said. "You?" you asked in return.
"'M leaving next week," Joost said. "You should come back soon," Joost tried nonchalantly, giving you a sign that he cared about you in some way.
"You think?" you said with a smile.
"Yeah, you're fun to have around," Joost said.
"Well, I'm sorry if I haven't been around you tonight a lot," you said earnestly.
"It's fine," Joost said. If he had the confidence of Aggu, Joost would only have to take one step forward to engulf you in a kiss. "Can't blame Aggu," he said and immediately realised the implication of his words. He looked up at you again and saw a smirk on your face.
"You know me and Aggu aren't actually-," you tried to explain. "We're just friends," you said and Joost could feel a blush creeping on his face.
"Oh?" Joost said.
"Yeah, I'm interested in someone else actually," you said.
"Oh," Joost stated.
"If only he would notice already," you said and looked Joost deeply in the eyes.
"Maybe he's too shy," Joost offered.
"He doesn't have to be," you said and stepped towards Joost. You reached out for his hand and took the cigarette before you put it to your mouth to take a drag. As you let it fall to the floor Joost slowly and carefully reached out his arm to your hip without actually laying his hand on there. You stepped just a little closer until his hand touched your hip and you were standing so close you had to look up to him. "He could just kiss me," you said and it wasn't long before Joost leaned down, his hand finding the back of your neck, and his lips attached to yours.
You approvingly hummed into the kiss. Joost's lips tasted of beer and smoke but it was a divine taste to you as your lips started moving against each other in sync. You rested your hands on Joost's chest where you could feel his calm breathing. Joost's hands tangled in your hair as your lips parted to taste each other on your tongue. Your head was spinning, heart racing as you finally got what you had been looking for since the night you first met Joost.
As you pulled back from the kiss Joost cupped your face and looked down at you with a sheepish grin on his face.
"We should've done this way sooner," he stated.
"That's what I've been saying!" you laughed before you leaned back in for another kiss.
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